Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was three in the morning and the world was blurry. His glasses sat on the bedside table, but putting them on would’ve done nothing to correct the glazed and unfocused look Charlie directed to the ceiling.

It was the night before the QSMP ball. He had only got the invitation the day prior so he hadn’t had much time to think about what attending would entail. Charlie had not seen another member of the server in over three weeks, and his only interaction with anyone before that had been a simple, “Hey!” as he passed them on the street. He couldn’t remember the last actual conversation he had had with anyone on the server.

Honestly, Charlie wasn’t sure when he started thinking of the ball as something he would attend. His immediate reaction had been gut-churning anxiety at the thought of seeing any of these people individually, let alone all of them at once at a social event. At some point things had changed, though, and Charlie began envisioning what it used to be like when he would hang out and laugh with the server. He knew those days were long past and that nobody on the server would care for him after what he had done, but he had received an invite, right? That had to mean something, right? Maybe he would just watch from a window.

———————

It was now six in the morning, and Charlie had nothing to wear. He supposed he had his old green dress, but considering the circumstances surrounding the last time he wore it, Charlie decided it would be wise to avoid reminding anyone of his actions at Celbit and Roier’s wedding. Really, he was trying to avoid drawing any attention to himself at all. Jeans and a t-shirt maybe? No, that would attract attention in the opposite way. This was a fancy ball, not a high school reunion.

God, that only left one option.

Charlie only owned one suit. His wedding suit. Unfortunately, it was really the perfect outfit for the event. Realistically he knew that nobody would recognize the suit as it was quite simple and could be passed off for any suit. It was more himself Charlie was worried about. He hadn't worn this suit since he and Mariana were together.He had been avoiding taking that suit out of its box for months, manifesting that his memories and grief would be locked away with it.

Charlie supposed that the last time he had even looked at the suit was on their last date. They had gone out for a fancy dinner, walked along the water, and danced in the kitchen while Flippa slept. They had also had their last argument not too long after. That had been so long ago.

As Charlie’s fingers brushed the surface of the white box, he could almost imagine he was getting ready for another date with Mariana. They would go on a long walk through the cherry trees, re-visit the adoption agency to reminisce on when they started their family, and eventually end up at some fancy restaurant. Mariana would order for Charlie, promising he knew what Charlie would like. He was always right, of course.

With a shake of the head, Charlie drew his wedding suit from the box. He softly ran his fingers over the fabric, allowing himself only a second to admire it before slinging it over his arm and retrieving his tie.

Charlie didn’t even want to see himself in the mirror.

He simply sprayed on the last of his favourite cologne. It was one Mariana had bought for him a few years back. He tried not to think about that. It was always the little things that reminded Charlie of his wife. To be fair, it was also the big things.

Charlie pulled his gloves over his hands, (he had started wearing them daily ever since he got that rash,) and ran his hand through his hair one last time before stepping into his only pair of dress shoes, and walking towards the exile waystone.

———————

Stepping through the doors of the dance hall, Charlie could immediately feel eyes on him. He expected as much. You can’t really just show up unannounced to a major formal event after exiling yourself to an island for months, but these people could at least have the decency to look happy rather than… worried? Concerned? What even was that expression?

With a slight smile and awkward wave, Charlie set his sights on the bar, avoiding eye contact with any other server members. Fuck, fuck, fuck, why did he come to this? He was perfectly fine alone in exile. These people clearly didn’t want him here, why had he even imagined they would?

“Hey, rum and coke please?” He asked in a shy whisper. The bartender nodded and began to pour Charlie’s drink. Charlie reached out to take it and turned around to see Roier making his way towards him.

Roier looked regal in his back suit and maroon tie. His shoes matched perfectly, and his silver chains hung loosely around his steamed collar.

“Hey... What are you doing here?” Roier asked, eyebrows raised. Shit.

“Shit, sorry, I know you guys don't want me here. I’ll go–”

“No!” Roier quickly grabbed Charlie’s forearm, stopping him mid-sentence. “No, pendejo. We’re all happy to see you, I just meant that it is a surprise to see you. A good surprise. Pensamos que enviar la invitación era una posibilidad remota. I am happy you are here.” Roier gave a warm smile and hugged Charlie tightly. “I mean it.”

Charlie couldn’t help himself from smiling. He hugged Rorier back. God, this was probably the first time he had touched another person in months. “It’s um, it’s good to see you too. I didn’t think it would be okay for me to come tonight.”

“Eh? Why? Charlie, I know you think you are an awful person for what happened to Tilin,” Charlie’s expression darkened, “but nobody but you blames you for that. Ya te has castigado lo suficiente. You have, um, punished yourself enough. Come join the party, man.” Roier smiled, gesturing to the sea of people before them. Charlie noticed Celbit and Tubbo shooting smiles towards him.

Charlie took a deep breath. “Okay… thanks, Roier. Just- give me a minute.”

“Of course. Take your time. Just don’t be a stranger.” Roier said with a smile before swiftly making his way back over to Celbit.

Charlie only had the time to take one last sip of his drink before his attention was brought back to the large wooden doors he himself had walked through just moments before.

He froze.

Wearing a stunning white and gold suit tailored perfectly to the shape of his body, with his dark hair gelled back like Patrick Bateman, his brown dress shoes announcing his every step, and his jewellery shimmering as if it were made to catch the light of this specific room perfectly, was Mariana.

Chapter Text

Mariana had always thought of himself as a relatively confident person. It’s not that he didn’t have moments of self-doubt, just more that he had learned how to push his nerves down and trust himself. He thought he was decently good at composed smiles, pretty clothes, and keeping up conversations. So yeah, Mariana liked to think he was generally confident.

Charlie had always been able to bulldoze right through that notion.

Any time Mariana felt like he had his composure, all Charlie would need to do was smile at him, and Mariana would be proved wrong. Mariana used to love this about him. It was adorable to know that your husband could make you giggle like a fourteen year old girl with her first hallway crush. Now, it made his blood run cold.

As Mariana pushed through those large wooden doors, he immediately noticed eyes, yet one pair stood out to him. 

Someone he had not prepared himself to see. Someone who had made it very clear he hated Mariana before fully cutting contact.

His husband, Charlie, was staring at him, expression unreadable. 

Mariana stared back.

Charlie looked awful. He would always be beautiful to Mariana, but objectively, Charlie looked like he was rotting. His hair was far too long, his bangs resting atop his eyelashes. It was also the wrong texture. Charlie's hair was supposed to be soft waves, now it looked frizzy and damaged. His skin was pale and ashy. His eyes were sunken in. Those eyes that would once scrunch up when he laughed, were now staring daggers into Mariana. And he was so thin. Charlie had always been lanky, but this was... Not right. Mariana could tell that once Charlie shedd the suit, this would be far more obvious. 

Charlie was also wearing gloves. Mariana had never seen his husband wear gloves. Usually Charlie was so eager to show off his rings and his nails after Flippa would paint them. Now, his hands were silky white. And… oh god…

God, Charlie was in his wedding suit.

Mariana knew that realistically it meant nothing, and this was the only suit Charlie owned, but he couldn’t help the lump in his throat that began to form. Charlie’s suit was a beautiful dark green, so dark and rich that it was almost black. Almost. His tie was a similar shade, but with a regal and intricate floral pattern. Mariana hadn’t seen that suit in what felt like forever. 

Before he knew what was happening, due to purely muscle memory, Mariana was already moving towards Charlie. Mariana could see Charlie’s expression change, but again, it was unreadable.

The world seemed to slow down as Mariana approached his husband.

They were locked in a staring contest. Mariana’s dark eyes met his husband’s green ones. He had really missed those eyes. They were a colour Mariana had never seen on any person before in his life. They were light streaming through a treetop canopy, they were tropical oceans, they were the bright traffic lights at midnight, they were Charlie’s. 

“Hola.” Mariana whispered. He hoped this sounded seductive and intentional, and not strained and shy. 

Charlie silently kept staring. Like a robot, Charlie simply stared, eyes unblinking, gaze unwavering. He was a statue, save for the way his hair waved along with the wind brought in by the windows.

Then, suddenly, Charlie was no longer still. Wordlessly, he broke his stare and began to walk. Charlie’s gait was more confident than Mariana had ever seen him. 

“Slime!” Mariana called after him. Charlie gave no sign that he had heard Mariana, his walk entirely consistent. Away from Mariana. “Charlie! Please talk to me!” At the mention of his real name, Mariana saw Charlie stiffen, but continued to walk back towards the doors to the ballroom. 

Mariana moved to follow him, but felt a sharp yank on his arm. He whipped round to see Roier at his side.

“No.” Roier gripped Mariana’s forearm , his eyes stern. “Mariana, él se está alejando de ti, respeta eso.” 

[He is walking away from you, respect that.]

“Roier, por favor . Él es mi esposo. Necesito hablar con él!” Mariana argued.

[Please. He is my husband. I need to talk to him.]

“Se, pero ahora no.” Roier let go of Mariana’s arm, replacing the sharp grip with a comforting hand on Mariana’s shoulder. “Dale tiempo, ha pasado por muchas cosas. En este momento, eres solo un nuevo estrés para él.” 

[I know, but not now. Give him time, he has been through a lot. Right now, you are only a new stress for him.]

Mariana really wished he didn’t understand this. But he did. Charlie was stressing him out too, just by being here. Mariana couldn’t imagine how Charlie must’ve felt.

Roier began to lead Mariana further into the crowd of people. The crowd seemed to be trying their best not to make eye contact, not to be obvious in their eavesdropping. Mariana tried to avoid thinking about that, and focusing on the circle Roier had pulled him into.

Phil, and Jaiden were sending awkward smiles towards Mariana, clearly pretending they had also not witnessed Charlie’s grand exit. 

“Hello,” Mariana began, attempting to start a new topic. “Weather has been good on the island, yeah? Nice sunny weather. I love summer, it’s–”

“Mariana, are you okay?”

Mariana wasn’t sure what to say to this. He simply stared at Phil, his mouth forming the shape of words his brain had not caught on to. He hadn’t been asked that in a while. Charlie used to always check in on him. Up until Juanaflippa’s first death, Charlie would always ask. He had an uncanny ability to tell when something was wrong, even when Mariana had been smiling all day. He hadn’t met anyone like that since Charlie. Really, he hadn’t met anyone remotely like Charlie since.. Charlie.

He hadn’t even thought about whether he was okay since Charlie. He hadn’t felt as though it mattered. Charlie was hurting, his daughter was dead, his marriage was dying, who the fuck cared if Mariana was okay?

He certainly wasn’t happy, at least. He couldn’t be. Not without his husband. His family was gone. When he had killed– when Flippa died, all Mariana wanted was Charlie, yet the last thing Charlie wanted was him. That was fair enough.

“I’m not sure.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Phil asked, voice soft and comforting.

“There’s nothing to talk about. I just need my husband.” 

This was not entirely true, Mariana had many more thoughts on his mind, but truly they could all be burned down to missing Charlie. Charlie was the chemical formula for all of Mariana’s feelings. 

Phil did not reply to that, only moving to wrap his arms around Mariana. They barely knew each other, and yet Phil was openly trying to comfort him. Did Phil not know what he had done?

“I’m sure Charlie also needs you. In fact, I’m more than positive he does. He’s been… different since you were last on the island.” Phil said, letting go of Mariana.

“What do you mean?” Mariana was sure Charlie had been sad, but Phil’s tone made him worry it was more than that.

Jaiden spoke up this time. “Mariana, honestly, I think this is something you should hear from Charlie himself. Plus, I honestly doubt we’ve seen him any more than you have.” She said carefully, intertwining her fingers nervously.

“I need to talk to him. Please, Roier.” Mariana ignored Jaiden’s last comment. It just worried him more. Plus, she was right. He needed to hear this from Charlie. 

Roier’s expression changed, seeming conflicted. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea, Mariana. He walked away for a reason…” Roier sighed. “I guess I can’t stop you. Just… Please be gentle. Like I said, he’s been through a lot. He’s probably in the garden. Charlie likes flowers.”

“I know. I used to buy them for him.” Mariana sent a sharp glare towards Roier. He knew his husband. He didn’t need Charlie explained to him like a stranger. With that, Mariana set off towards the garden. He was going to find Charlie, no matter how terrified he was of seeing his husband’s eyes again.