Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

2019

“I can’t believe I let you drag me to this.” Nick spoke under his breath to his best friend, as he slapped the ‘My name is…’ sticker onto his shirt.

“After all the years of rugby matches I have attended in your honour, and this is the backchat I get?” Tao held his hand to his chest in offence. 

“Tao, all you had to do was sit there and cheer. And I never asked you to come.” 

“Yet I still did, Nicholas,” Tao says, poking Nick on the shoulder to emphasise his point. “Because that’s the kind of friend I am. One that supports you and is there for you, even in the wind and rain, the sleet and snow – I was there.” 

Tao was clearly slipping into monologue territory, so Nick tried to cut it short. 

“Alright, alright. I get it,” Nick placated. “But you gotta admit this is a lot scarier than braving the English weather.”

Nick and Tao both took a moment to survey their surroundings. Two rows of single tables stretched from one end of the function room to the other, two chairs to each table. Sat at the centre of each table, amongst scattered fabric rose petals, was a battery powered candle. In the background, light piano music was playing over the speakers and the overhead lights were dimmed.

“Do you think they googled ‘romantic setting’ and just followed the wikiHow for it?” Tao mused out loud, to which Nick scoffed at in amused agreement.

Milling around the room were small groups of people, each wearing their own name tag. Some looked eager and were already eyeballing everyone like they were picking from a dessert menu. Some looked as indifferent and nervous as Nick felt.

“So how does this work again?” Nick asked Tao. 

“It’s relaxed speed dating. You see someone you want to talk to, you go to talk to them. When the bell rings, you move on to the next person that takes your fancy. No order, no instruction. I think we are supposed to be looking at potentials to talk to now?”

“But what if I don’t want to talk to anyone?” Nick was beginning to regret this big time. It has not gone unnoticed how more and more people had looked at him like a piece of meat, making Nick feel very self-conscious.

“Nicholas! Just try to be civil to whichever nice lad or lady comes to sit and talk to you.” Tao said pointedly. 

“If you just asked Elle out like a normal person, I could be at home right now watching The Great Pottery Throwdown with a batch of freshly baked cookies,” Nick muttered under his breath. Not quietly enough though, as he was swiftly met with an elbow in his side. “Ow! What was that for?!”

“Not all of us have our pick of dates just from walking into the room. Some of us have to make an effort to showcase our best assets,” Tao retorted.

“What are you trying to say?!” Nick squawked back.

“Nothing…Gym rat.” Tao’s mouth quirked to the side, enjoying teasing his lifelong friend.

Looking at the two of them now, you wouldn’t put Nick and Tao together as the best of friends. But if you saw them fifteen years ago, you’d have seen two little boys sneaking out of their houses in the middle of the night to meet up in the treehouse Tao’s dad built in their back garden; playing board games; telling each other scary stories; playing make believe; giggling into the night. As they grew, their interests diversified. Tao liked film and art. Nick liked sports and video games. But they still remained intertwined with each other. They helped each other through life's turmoil – some happening sooner than one should have to encounter: Tao was there for Nick when his dad left; Nick was there when Tao dad’s passed; Tao was still there now to stand up to David when he was being a homophobic knob. By this point, they considered each other brothers more than friends.

A loud bell rang, and the organiser of the event, the Leeds queer soc leader Marcus, gave a short speech about how great it was to see members and allies from Leeds, Manchester and York LGBTQ+ groups before providing brief instructions for the evening. Then he rang the bell again, and the whole ordeal began.

“Right, let’s get this over with,” Nick huffed. “Good luck, Tao. I’m sure it will go great with Elle.”

Tao smiled back and Nick could tell he was nervous; he also knew if the looks Elle gave him at social events recently were anything to go by, Tao had nothing to be nervous about. 

Nick took a seat at an empty table. He figured that, seeing as he wasn’t actively looking for anything, he might as well just be polite to whomever approached him. 

“Hi. I’m Mary.” A girl with short spiky hair sat down in front of Nick. She had an impish style, which was attractive on her, but Nick found her edginess a bit intimidating. The conversation only added to that, as she spoke of cave diving like it was a regular weekend activity, and gave a detailed account of her three pet snakes. When the bell rang again, Nick gave her a polite wave and smile. Mary stood up to move along but made sure to give Nick a wink on her departure.

This was going to be a long night, Nick thought. 

It wasn't that Nick wasn’t interested in meeting someone. He just wasn’t very good at it, and didn’t have the best track record. People tended to assume a few things about Nick Nelson. Firstly, that he was straight. Secondly, that he was more brain than brawn. And thirdly, that he only wanted a hook-up (or what Nick felt to be more accurate – was that he was only wanted for a hook-up). The truth, though, was that Nick was bisexual, about as soft and gooey as a Nicholas Sparks novel, and desperately wanted true love. Hell, Nick was a walking, talking, breathing bisexual-disaster of a Nicholas Sparks novel. 

The next two contestants didn’t fare much better. A guy called Colin only wanted to ask Nick about how much he could bench-press (clearly enamoured with Nick’s physical appearance), and an enby called Robyn didn’t even wait for the bell to move on after they found out Nick was on the rugby team. 

Sitting alone, waiting for the next disappointing experience, Nick chanced a look across the room to see how Tao was doing. It warmed his heart to see him sitting with Elle, a wide sappy smile on his face and laughing. He really hoped this would mean Tao would finally get the courage to ask Elle out properly. The initial meet and greet over with, he should surely be able to voice his interest now.

“Hi. Do you mind if I sit?” Nick looked up to where the shy voice was coming from.

“Err, n..no, not at all.” Nick stuttered out. 

Now sitting down in front of him was probably the most eye catching individual Nick had ever seen. Dark curls fell to his shoulders, glossy and soft looking as they caught the light from the fake candle between them. He was tall and lean, wearing a slim fitting, deep red shirt. Most striking though, were the man's eyes. Even with the dimmed lighting of the room, you could see how bright they were – a luminous blue that Nick could not stop looking at, perfectly framed by thick, dark eyebrows.

“I’m Charlie. Sorry. I’ll be honest with you. I kind of got dragged here. And I saw you had an empty seat and desperately wanted to get away from some creep over there.” Charlie started to word vomit to fill the silence – because Nick still wasn’t talking… “I wouldn’t advise talking to him, by the way. His name is Colin, and he was definitely only after one thing. Kept asking me how bendy I was.”

“Oh yeah, I already had the displeasure.” 

“Oh.” Charlie smiled nervously then, showing a hint of dimples. 

Fucking dimples!

“I’m Nick. And I will try not to ask questions about your flexibility,” Nick tried to joke, but hearing it out loud, he mentally face palmed himself and hoped Charlie would move swiftly on.

“No, maybe wait for the third date for that,” Charlie responded with a shy giggle, and Nick could now see a pretty pink spread across his cheeks and nose. 

Nick was caught speechless again, both by the slightly flirtatious retort and the ever attraction to the man sat before him. 

“So, you got dragged here? Tell me about that.” Nick finally found some normal words to say and gave himself a mental high five.

“Yeah. My friend, Darcy, really fancies one of the organisers and if you ever met them, you’d know you kind of can’t say no to her. They have a way of making you agree to things without you even being aware of it until you are already doing it,” Charlie says fondly of his friend. 

“I was also dragged here. My best friend has had this enormous crush on this girl for like the last year, but has been too chicken-shit to ask her out. So he dragged me here just so he had an excuse to talk to her one-on-one,” Nick explained, looking over towards Tao again as he did so. Tao and Elle were now leaning forward to each other – a very promising sign.

“I wonder how many other people are just here to be a good friend?” Charlie mused. 

“Well considering so far, you’re the first decent conversation I’ve had, I’d say it’s just me and you.” 

“Well, you either don’t set your bar for good conversation very high, or the previous takers of this seat really were disastrous.”

“Or I just like your company,” Nick was so quick to say. He didn’t even realise he’d said it out loud. He immediately moved his hand to the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. “I mean… err. If neither of us actually want to meet someone, we could just, you know… hide together?”

Charlie’s smile widened, fully showing Nick how deep those dimples went. “I’d like that. That would mean breaking the rules though and not moving along when the bell goes.” Charlie leant forward then to whisper to Nick. “Do you think you can handle being a rule breaker, Nick?”

“What makes you think I don’t break the rules all the time?” Nick smirked back, leaning forward now to match Charlie.

“Hmm. Dunno. You seem too nice. I bet you never once had detention at school.” Charlie held Nick’s eyes then, challenging him to protest.

“I’ll have you know, I can be naughty when I want to be.” Nick felt himself flush immediately hearing how dirty that sounded. He scrambled in his brain for a way to correct himself, but his mind was blank with embarrassment.

“Good to know,” Charlie responded, his voice slightly lower and his mouth now in a smirk, his bottom lip slightly sucked into his teeth. 

Nick swallowed as his mouth and throat went dry. Charlie was effortlessly sexy, and Nick was beginning to regret his no-effort-made-leave-me-alone outfit choice. 

Charlie looked at Nick expectantly, waiting for him to say something. Nick’s brain was really failing him though, and he continued to sputter, opening and closing his mouth for what felt like a lot longer than it probably was. For God’s sake, Nelson. Say something!

“Dogs!” Nick blurted.

“Excuse me?” Charlie’s eyes widened in surprise and confusion.

“I h-have a dog. Her name is Nellie.” Nick reached into his pocket for his phone and showed it to Charlie. “This is her.”

“Oh my gosh! She is adorable!” Charlie cooed.

“Do you have any pets?” Nick asked, feeling himself come back online now.

“No,” Charlie answered sadly. “I always wanted a cat or dog, but my mum absolutely detests animals.”

“What? Who is she? Satan?” Nick responded briskly and then tried to swallow his own words again. “Sorry. I’m sure your mum is lovely. I just meant… I mean how can you hate animals?”

Charlie giggled at Nick’s ineptitude to keep himself from saying inappropriate things. “No, it’s fine. I know what you mean. To be fair, we don’t have the best relationship. I wouldn’t go as far as calling her Satan, but maybe a demon lower down in the ranks.”

“That sounds a bit shit. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. No-one’s perfect. And I’m a stronger person for it now. Independence and all that jazz.”

Nick was struck in awe at Charlie’s blatant honesty and humour. Thinking of his own strained relationship with his father, he couldn’t imagine ever having the sheer confidence to face it head on and speak lightly of it in conversation – with a stranger no less. Charlie’s resilience in the face of adversity was something Nick admired. 

Nick and Charlie continued to chat about everything and nothing for the next three rounds, covering degree topics, career aspirations, and hobbies. Nick learnt that Charlie was a keen reader and musician; Charlie learnt that Nick was a rugby lad and enjoyed baking. Eventually, they began to get dirty looks from people who were clearly waiting for their chance to talk to one of them. 

“That girl with the locs is desperate to talk to you.” Charlie nodded in the girl's direction behind Nick to point her out. “Sure you don’t want me to step aside? I don’t want to ruin your game.”

Nick guffawed at that. If only Charlie knew how little game he possessed, even when he was trying.

“I promise you, you aren’t. I’d happily talk to you all night.”

“Oh really?” Charlie narrowed his eyes and quirked his mouth again seductively. 

“Yeah. It’s kind of made my evening meeting you.” Nick hoped that that came across as sweet and romantic, and not incredibly cheesy. It must have been the former, because Charlie’s smirk had morphed into a sweet smile and his cheeks began to rouge again.

“I’ve enjoyed meeting you too…” Charlie let his words trail off as if he was about to say something else, but faltered.

“I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming,” Nick stated, feeling apprehensive and vulnerable.

“But—”

“There it is.”

“Nick…” Charlie giggled again, and the tension dissipated slightly. “But, I really didn’t come here looking for anything. I’m moving back down south… like next week, in fact.”

“Oh.” Nick couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Even in the short amount of time he had been talking to Charlie, he felt a connection. Sure, they’d been flirting on and off through their conversation, but Nick was sure it was more than that. Maybe it was just the over-romanticised part of his brain telling him things that weren’t true.

“Yeah. Sorry, I just wanted to be clear. I do fancy you, but I won’t be able to take anything further after tonight.”

“Don’t be sorry. I appreciate you being straight with me.”

“I can assure you, Nicholas, I am the furthest from straight – especially around you.” Charlie said the last bit quietly, looking at Nick through his long eyelashes.

Charlie was clearly into Nick, and it was just circumstance that made dating Charlie out of bounds. But the semi rejection gave Nick a strange kind of confidence. Here was the epitome of Nick’s type on paper: gorgeous, funny, witty, clever, and did he mention fit as fuck?! And they only had tonight. Anything Nick did or said, wouldn’t matter because they wouldn’t see each other again. So why not go for it?

“Seeing as we only have tonight. Wanna get out of here?” Nick spoke seriously.

Charlie’s eyebrows shot up into his curly fringe in surprise. “Nicholas, I didn’t have you pegged for a casual hookup kind of guy.”

“Oh I’m not. But I feel like if I don’t at least kiss you, I’m going to look back on this evening and regret it forever.” Nick used his new found confidence to tell Charlie exactly what he was thinking and feeling.

“That’s… “

“Sorry. I just figured if you’re being up front with me about where you stand, I could at least be honest with you too.”

Charlie looked at Nick with a wide toothed grin, and Nick wanted to kiss those fucking dimples so bad.

“Is that all you want then? To kiss me?” Charlie whispered, aware that the other tables were not that far away.

“No.” 

Nick and Charlie stared at each other, pondering over the situation and making their decisions about the other.

“Fuck it. Let’s go.” Charlie stood up abruptly and reached out for Nick to take his hand. Nick gladly took it and followed Charlie out the door without another look back.

“I just need to text my friend and tell him I’ve gone,” Nick said, taking his phone from his pocket. 

“Oh, yeah same, actually.”

Both boys stopped outside the building to send off their respective texts.

“Done.”

“Done.”

“So.. what now?” Nick asked.

“You’re the one that asked me to leave. I thought you had ideas.”

“So many ideas…” Nick looked at Charlie as he spoke, biting his lip. “But I meant more like… where now? I live just down the road, but we could get a drink first if you wanted?”

“Do you have anything to drink at yours?” Charlie stepped toward Nick, closing the space between them.

“Y-yeah.” Nick’s breath slowed right down as he tried to keep his composure. He could smell Charlie’s cologne and it was sending him a bit feral. 

“Then let’s drink at yours and stop pretending we aren’t going to hook up,” Charlie spoke breathily into Nick’s ear as he got even closer.

“Can I kiss you?” Nick asked as he ran his hand carefully up Charlie’s arm.

Nick didn’t need to wait for an answer, as Charlie pushed himself up onto his toes and closed the distance between them. The kiss was passionate from the beginning, their mouths moved against each other, capturing each other's lips between their own. Nick placed one hand on Charlie’s waist and the other on his neck, and turned them so he could guide Charlie against the wall behind them. When Charlie’s back hit the wall, he let out a little groan and Nick used the opportunity to slide his tongue into his mouth. 

The taste of Charlie was intoxicating, sweet and delicious. Nick wanted more – he wanted to taste other parts of Charlie. So, he pushed away from the wall, only to hear Charlie whine at the loss of contact.

“I need to get you back to mine before we get arrested for indecency.” Nick took Charlie’s hand and gently pulled him in the direction of his flat. 

“It was only kissing Nick,” Charlie giggled and followed willingly. “I don’t think they arrest people for that.”

“They would for what I’m about to do to you behind closed doors.”

Nick was overcome with desire and confidence, in a way he’d never known. Charlie was bringing out a a new side to him; but he would have to ruminate on that later. Right now, all he could think about was his desires and how he wanted to make Charlie scream his name. He stopped himself in his tracks, however, when he thought about what Charlie might want. Although it had been implied, he needed to know Charlie was on the same page.

“If you want to, that is. I mean, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Sorry, I’m being all intense. You’re just so… and that kiss was just… Tell me to stop and I will,” Nick said as he stopped them both outside his flat door. 

Charlie leant forward and kissed Nick passionately again, before pulling away to answer. “Trust me, I want whatever it is you are imagining. I don’t want you to stop. Now take me inside and take me apart, please.”

“Fuck. Yes, Charlie.” Nick fumbled his keys into the lock of his door and pushed it open.

As soon as the door was closed, Charlie jumped up onto Nick, kissing him. Nick used his quick reflexes and strength to hold Charlie, who had wrapped his legs around Nick’s waist. 

Nick kicked his shoes off in the hallway and carried Charlie to his bedroom. He hoped Tao would take Elle on an immediate date, because he planned on things getting loud. 

Placing Charlie on the bed, Nick stood before him and took his shirt off before diving down on top of the gorgeous man below him.

Starting at the bottom of Charlie’s shirt, Nick undid each button slowly and kissed the skin as the shirt gave way with each opening. Once he reached the top, he pushed the shirt from Charlie’s shoulders and began to bite and lick at Charlie’s neck.

“How do you want to do this?” Nick asked into Charlie’s soft silken skin.

“I want you inside me,” Charlie gasped out between moans.

“Can I eat you out?” Nick asked, working his way onto Charlie’s collar bone and nipping at the protrusions.

“Yes, but I need to shower first.”

Without a word, Nick stood up and picked Charlie up over his shoulder in a fireman's lift and carried him into the bathroom. 

“Nick! Put me down!” Charlie was giggling away happily, so Nick did not put him down. He had his hand firmly on Charlie’s arse, appreciating the tightness of his muscle there, and continued to keep him over his shoulder as he leaned in and turned the shower on.

While the shower heated up, Nick placed Charlie down on the sink and kissed him hard. Charlie’s hands trailed down Nick’s torso to the buckle of his jeans, undoing them and pushing them onto the floor. Nick stepped out of them, never releasing Charlie's lips from his own. Skipping all pretence, Charlie moved his hand inside Nick’s boxers and began to grasp at Nick’s rock solid cock.

“Jesus Christ, how big are you?!” Charlie exclaimed between kisses.

Nick giggled before replying, “Think you can handle it?”

“Let me see,” Charlie instructed, pushing Nick to step back.

Nick smiled devilishly and made a show of taking off his boxers slowly for Charlie’s viewing pleasure. He knew he was well-endowed, it was one of the few things he didn’t get self-conscious about. Now fully naked, Nick could see how impressed and awed Charlie was by his pitch black eyes swimming with arousal; a wanton hand palming at his own erection as he bit his lip and purred, “Fuck, I won’t be able to walk tomorrow.”

“Your turn,” Nick said, nodding his head towards Charlie’s tight black jeans and studded belt. 

Charlie jumped down from the sink and held Nick’s gaze as he undid his jeans and pushed them down together with his boxers. Charlie’s cock sprang back up to hit his belly. While not as long as Nick’s, it was still impressive and mouthwatering. Charlie was still longer than the average, and thick.

“Get in that shower – now, please,” Nick practically growled at Charlie, desperate to get his mouth on him. 

Nick followed him in from behind and ran his fingers through Charlie’s curls, feeling their softness as they became wetter under the water spray. Moving them to one side, Nick placed kisses and small bites to the back of Charlie’s neck and down his spine, between his shoulder blades. He could hear Charlie mewling in front of him.

“Pass me the shower gel.” Nick held his hand out and he kissed back up Charlie’s spine and latched onto his neck. “Can I mark you?”

“Yes,” Charlie replied breathlessly and passed Nick the shower gel.

In an instant Nick bit down into Charlie’s neck and sucked, making Charlie gasp out a moan that echoed around the shower walls. Rubbing some shower gel into his hands, Nick began to work them over Charlie's body, massaging the skin and firm muscles as he went and letting the soapy bubbles run down and off his skin. His arms reached all the way around Charlie, and when Nick pinched Charlie’s nipples, Charlie bucked back against Nick’s erection with another moan. 

Unable to wait any longer, Nick sank onto his knees to taste what he desired. Nick started by running a single finger down between Charlie’s arse cheeks, lightly rubbing over his tight, little hole, and Charlie shuddered. Pulling his cheeks apart, Nick had a full view of Charlie’s perfect, pink hole. He dipped his tongue in, just barely, teasing Charlie and making him crave more. 

“Please, Nick…” Charlie begged.

Nick didn’t make him wait; he laid his tongue flat against Charlie’s perineum and ran it up towards Charlie’s hole before circling it and giving it soft kisses.

“Mmmm…” Nick hummed against Charlie, which made Charlie even more responsive. 

Once Nick had started thrusting his tongue in and out, the sounds escaping Charlie's mouth became unhinged and guttural, echoing through the bathroom. Charlie was keeping himself steady with his hands palm flat against the wall, and his legs were beginning to shake. 

Sensing Charlie was getting close to bursting, Nick stood and guided a pleasure-drunk Charlie back to the bedroom. Nick quickly brushed his teeth and they laid towels down on the bed, and then he instructed Charlie to get on all fours above them. The sight of Charlie bare and waiting for him was almost enough to make Nick come – he was the sexiest thing he had ever seen. Charlie’s dark curls hung lower from wetness, curling around his face; his eyes were dark and his lips were red from being over-bitten. 

“How are you even real?” Nick asked rhetorically, full of lust.

After grabbing lube and a condom from the bedside drawer, Nick stood behind Charlie and ran his tongue back over him. Then he warmed up some lube on his fingers and began to work Charlie open. It didn’t take long to be at two fingers, but Nick took his time working him up to a third. Charlie was breathing heavily and loudly in between moans and mewls of pleasure. When Nick curled his fingers and found Charlie’s sensitive bundle of nerves, Charlie let out a guttural cry and arched his back into the sensation.

“Fuck, Nick! Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me,” Charlie chanted. “Now! Please!”

Nick was silent, too in the zone to speak or respond as he wiped his fingers on the towels and began to roll a condom over his neglected hard-on and lather it in lube. When he began to press into Charlie, both men cried out each other’s name.

“Go slow, baby. I’ve never had anyone as big as you,” Charlie reminded Nick. The term of endearment made Nick’s dick twitch with its head inside Charlie.

Slowly - so, so slowly, Nick inched in a bit at a time. He gave constant rubs and strokes to Charlie's back, thighs and arse in an attempt to soothe and relax him. Meanwhile, Charlie continued to switch out between whimpers of pleasure and moans of ecstasy, as he gave way to the burn to allow Nick to enter him. When Nick had finally bottomed out, he had to hold still for fear of coming too quickly. Charlie felt so tight around him, swallowing his cock whole – it was overwhelming. 

“You can move,” Charlie choked out, sounding completely wrung out already. 

Still silenced by pleasure, Nick began to pull back, slowly at first, and thrusting back in with increasing pressure.

“Yes, Nick! Yes, yes, yes, yes!” Charlie chanted in between thrusts.

Nick couldn’t move with the required strength he wanted to standing in this position, so he grabbed Charlie by the hips and picked him up to shuffle him forward on the bed, causing Charlie to yelp in amused shock. Nick settled in behind Charlie on his knees on the bed, and he was able to pound into Charlie harder, with more force.

“SHIT!” Charlie cried. “More! More!!”

Wanting to give Charlie all the pleasure he could, Nick ran his hand down Charlie's spine to his neck and gently pushed him down onto his elbows. The new angle worked with immediate success as Nick hit Charlie’s prostate with every thrust, ploughing into him with reckless abandon. Charlie squealed with delight and rapture, chanting Nick’s name and asking for more.

“I’m close, Charlie,” Nick finally spoke to warn his temporary lover. 

“T-touch me,” Charlie uttered out as best he could.

Nick reached down and around Charlie to take his leaking cock in his hand and began to pump him to match his quickening thrusts. Within seconds, Charlie was coming onto the bed, shouting obscenities and moaning Nick’s name like it was gospel.

Once Charlie was thoroughly milked, Nick let go of his wasted penis, and took a firm grip of both of Charlie’s hips. Now chasing his own pleasure, Nick took a few hard and deep plunges into Charlie, and on the fourth, held still, deeply situated within Charlie as he came in what was the best orgasm of his life. 

Both men fell back on the bed, breathing heavily and regaining their strength. Each turned to look at the other at the same time, as if pulled by magnets, and smiled unashamedly before bursting into laughter.

“My God, you’re fucking amazing,” said Charlie first. 

“Speak for yourself. I don’t think I’ve ever come that hard,” Nick responded.

“Safe to say, I will definitely be limping tomorrow.”

They both spent a few minutes giggling and sharing chaste kisses, before Nick put on his boxers and went to get them both a well earned glass of water. He was relieved to see no evidence of Tao returning home, saving himself a very awkward conversation tomorrow.

“Do you want to stay?” Nick asked, hopeful. He knew Charlie’s boundary of tonight, but he was hoping to push it a little – even if just for cuddles.

“I shouldn’t.” Charlie sounded like he was conflicted. “Feels a bit weird to leave yet though.”

“You’re welcome to stay as long as you like. No pressure.” Nick glanced around his room for ideas when he looked upon his laptop. “I can put a film on? We can watch that and then you could go. Then it’s like a little sex date in reverse.”

Charlie giggled again, and it was quickly becoming one of Nick’s favourite sounds. 

“Sure. That sounds nice. I’m picking the movie though.”

They settled onto Nick’s bed and started up ‘Wall-e’. Charlie naturally settled into Nick’s arms, resting his head on Nick’s chest and nuzzling in. It felt really nice, and Nick began to lose all the confidence he had from before. He didn’t want to never see Charlie again. The sex was earth shattering, but it was something more. Nick couldn’t explain it, he just knew that in the few hours he had known Charlie, it felt like something real. Something he hadn’t felt before.

Nick wasn’t sure at which point in the film he fell asleep. He vaguely remembered Wall-e reaching space. Sunlight woke him – he must have forgotten to shut his curtains. As he rubbed his eyes and tried to come back online, Nick was hit with a gut wrenching feeling of regret. The boy of his dreams was nowhere to be seen. His laptop was folded shut and placed back on the desk, and a blanket had been placed over his body. Nick has never cursed himself so much for falling bloody asleep. He didn’t even know Charlie’s last name to find him on socials. He was just gone. Likely never to be seen again; reduced to a memory. 

Chapter Text

2024 (Present day)

Nick picked up the last box of his belongings to begin to unpack it and try to find places for all of the items in this tiny box room. Nick was finding it hard to keep a positive attitude lately. His relationship of two years with Amy had crashed and exploded spectacularly, as she decided to seek the company of Nick’s work colleague and good friend, Steve – without telling Nick first. The whole ordeal effectively ended Nick’s life in Leeds. He began to look for jobs elsewhere, but had the more pressing problem of nowhere to live. This is what you get when you trustingly move into a house not in your name, Nick berated himself. He had given all of himself to Amy, he trusted her, and he put her needs before his own. And she repaid him by shacking up with his colleague, following a hook up at the school's staff end of year party no less. Sure, Nick got a few interviews for schools in the area still, but everyone he loved had moved away long ago; he had only stayed in Leeds for Amy. 

So, he started to look at schools closer to the people he missed; his mum in London, and his best friend Tao who now resided in Kent with his girlfriend Elle who landed a job in a prestigious art gallery that way. Each came with a room to board in until he found his own space, and each provided him with a support network he felt like he needed lately. He hadn’t realised how lonely he was in Leeds until he was booked into a Travelodge mourning a broken heart with no-one to turn to. Facetime and phone calls just didn’t have the same effect. You can’t hug a person over the phone. 

That’s the short and sad version of how Nick came to be where he is right now. Standing in a small, pokey box room in Tao and Elle’s flat, trying to fit all of his jumpers into the tiny chest of drawers in the corner of the room. Tao had said he would get a wardrobe for him, but Nick felt like that would encourage him into staying longer. Nick didn't want that. He enjoyed being back with his best friend, but he and Elle were newly engaged, and he felt like a third wheel encroaching on their happy time. 

Knock knock.

“You all set, Nick? Thought we’d celebrate you moving in with pizza?” Elle stood leaning against the doorframe, smiling encouragingly. 

“Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you.” Nick knew he was sounding polite and probably fake. Elle knew him better than that, but Elle also knew to let Nick stew until he was ready to talk. 

Tao, on the other hand, had no such qualms pushing Nick to talk.

“Come on, Nick! You need to fill me in on everything that bitch did so I know who and how many glitter bombs to send through the post!” Tao called from the living room.

“If you don’t want to talk, I can get him to shut up,” Elle offered.

Letting out a sigh, Nick said, “Nah, it’s fine. May as well get it over with. And it’s the least I can do for letting me stay here.”

“Nick. You always have a room with us. Never any strings attached.”

“I know. Thank you, Elle.” And Nick was genuine in his gratitude for Elle. She seemed to balance Tao’s prickly exterior in perfect harmony. Nick couldn’t have picked a better partner for his best friend, and he was proud to have witnessed the beginning and be a part of their love story. 

Pizza hadn’t even been delivered before Tao broke out the tequila. Nick wasn’t about to say no, it would be much easier to let go and fill Tao in on all the intimate details of the end of his relationship if slightly inebriated. By the time the pizza did arrive, Nick was slurring his words and they had covered how selfish Amy was in bed and her bad habits, like leaving dirty make-up wipes everywhere. Once the pizza had soaked up some of the alcohol, Nick’s verbal diarrhoea had turned bitter and mean towards his ex-colleague who was now sleeping in Nick’s old bed and probably erasing his top scores on Mario Kart.  

“And he has tiny feet!!” Nick was now rambling at all and any flaws he could think of about Steve to make himself feel better. “He’s probably got his stupid tiny feet propped up on the coffee table that I picked out, bloody slob.”

“Well, you know what they say about the size of your feet!” Elle cackled from her corner of the sofa.

“What?” Nick asked, tipsily bemused.

“Small feet, small....shoes!" but she winked and wiggled eyebrows whilst Nick's inebriated brain caught up. "Poor Amy!!” Elle fully guffawed at her own joke, feeling the effects of the tequila. 

Nick and Tao joined in the laughing until they both looked down at their own feet. Then they both wore matching expressions of wonderment and concentration, which made Elle laugh even louder. 

“Silly boys,” she said to herself.

Nick went to bed feeling a little bit lighter, having offloaded some of his troubles onto his friends. He fell asleep easily. 

It occurred to Nick in the morning that that was the first peaceful night's sleep he had had since he left Amy. He had already decided weeks ago that he was better off without her and didn’t even really miss her, but he missed being with someone, missed feeling a part of something and being wanted. Even though the bed was unfamiliar, he gained the security of all those feelings back now that he was with his chosen family. For the first time in a long time, Nick woke up with a sense of positivity.

The positive vibes were short lived as the end of summer loomed, and the beginning of Nick’s new job grew ever closer. Nick had managed to secure a Head of Department position in foreign languages at Truham Grammar School for Boys. If he was being completely honest, he only applied for it on a whim. He figured he had no chance of getting a Head of Department position straight in as an outsider, but at least they might remember his name and CV for future positions. The school was close to Tao and Elle, ran a pretty decent rugby team, and had an impressive section on their website advocating for diversity of their students. They even had an LGBTQ+ club which was led by pupils, which Nick found very impressive. It was the kind of thing he wished he had at school when he was a student. At the very least, he garnered that his own queerness would be accepted by the staff, which he had sometimes found a problem in the past. 

But much to Nick’s surprise, they offered him an interview – they even let him do it over Skype. Apparently, none of the current language teachers were native speakers in any of the offered language subjects, fluent yes, but Nick certainly had the edge being half-French. He proudly wore his bisexual heart pin on his lapel during the interview, and he even had an in depth conversation with them about wanting to get involved with the diversity clubs already established. They were very impressed with his innovative thinking and experience with homophobia and bullying amongst teenagers. Nick left the interview feeling positive they would remember him, and maybe offer him a teaching position to backfill whoever they hired in-house as the Head of Department. 

In actual fact, they called to offer Nick that position, and he was delighted. He felt honoured and trusted, and excited to begin. It was like something was finally going right for Nick, and his life was beginning to click back into focus.

That was three weeks ago, and since then he has had time to ruminate and panic about every little thing that could go wrong. Like what if there is a reason they hired a head role out-of-house? Is there something so off-putting about the role that those that work there already didn’t want it? What if the teacher leading the LGBTQ+ club felt like their toes were being stepped on by Nick? What if there was no-one there his age? It isn’t that he didn’t get on with older people, but he was new to the area and he wanted to build up a friend group outside of Tao and Elle to give them privacy. What if no-one liked him? What if he ripped his trousers on the first day of school and the students all made fun of him forever?

Nick’s spiralling continued off and on right up until the morning of his first day. Some days he would be fine, excited even, for his new adventure. Others he would catastrophise to the extreme and get himself worked up into a tizzy. 

Nick arrived at the school's car park 90 minutes before he was due to meet with the Head Teacher and his new boss, Mr Barnes. He had always been an early person, but even he recognised this was ridiculous. He decided to clear his head and go for a walk, getting himself acquainted with what was nearby. He was hopeful to find a cafe or shop he could get a drink at, maybe even treat himself to a chocolate bar for some sweet encouragement. 

The area seemed nice – clean and leaning towards middle class territory with detached housing and large driveways for multiple cars. This led Nick to ponder over what the students at Truham Grammar might be like. Nick, himself, went to a specialised sports school back up north. He was surrounded by the stereotypical lad's lad and its associated behaviour. Nick never really felt like he fit in, and was desperate to go to the local comprehensive school with Tao, but his dad has insisted Nick pursue his talent in rugby. Back then, Nick still yearned for his father's affections, and so went along with it, making himself unhappy in the process. The boys, especially those on his team, were just so vulgar. They saw girls as a prize to be won, not a person; and if you showed any ounce of sincerity or care, you were called a girl or gay. There was no wonder Nick didn’t come into his own sexuality until he was at university. 

Eventually, Nick admitted defeat and returned to the school, sadly lacking in tea. It had already been half an hour and he did want to be appropriately early on his first day. Eager, but not embarrassingly so. When he made it back to the car park, he saw a handful more cars there along with his own, so he got his bag out of his car and made his way to the head teacher’s office to report for duty. 

“Ahhh! Nicholas! It’s so nice to have you here!” Mr Barnes stood up and shook Nick’s hand firmly. 

“Hi, Mr Barnes. Please, call me Nick. And I’m very happy to be here,” Nick responded, shaking his hand back with equal strength.

“Nick! Right-o. I shall try to remember. Right, let's do a quick tour before we make our way to reception. Then our clerk, Linda, will get you sorted with an ID card and will give you lots of forms to fill in. Don’t worry about getting them done right away, though. As long as they are complete before the start of school tomorrow when the students arrive, it will be fine. Just the usual stuff – HR policies, codes of conduct, that kind of thing.”

“Sounds good. Lead the way, please.” Nick holds the door open for his new boss to head out first.

“Thank you, Nick,” he said with a welcoming smile as he walked past Nick. 

The tour was anything but quick. Head Teacher Barnes had something to say about nearly every department they came across. After a while, Nick began to tune out and only just managed to maintain the obligatory nod of his head, interested smile or, on occasion, even offer a question to appease the man. Mr Barnes was particularly proud of their maths department, boasting about their high grade average and teaching style.

“And I understand you’re interested in supporting the LGBTQ+ club? Mr Spring, one of our best maths teachers, is in charge of all that. I’ll introduce you to him later. This is his classroom, and most of the club meetings are held here.”

“Oh, yes! That would be great, thank you.”

“Of course. It was slow going with attendance at first, but I remember when Mr Spring was a student here and… well, I’ll let you two get to know each other yourselves.”

Nick wondered what Mr Barnes meant by that, but got the impression that it was something personal to this Mr Spring. Clearly, they were an ex-student of Mr Barnes, so Nick was hopeful this indicated someone closer to his age, and if they were queer than even better! Nick found himself optimistic for the chance of having his own community here. 

The tour continued for another ten minutes. Nick tried to linger around the Physical Education department, having a keen interest in rugby. He was hoping the team's coach would take him on as support, even if unpaid. When Nick graduated and applied for his PGCE, it was a toss up between being a french teacher or a PE teacher. The only reason he chose French was because he thought he might find it difficult being that close to the game he had always wanted to pursue professionally, but now couldn’t thanks to an injury in his final year at uni. Now time had passed, he didn’t regret his decision, but he did miss being involved in the sport in some way.

“This is the office.” Mr Barnes opened up a glass door into a room with a reception style desk, two blue plastic chairs in one corner, and a few doors on the opposite wall. “And this is the lovely Linda.”

“He only says I’m lovely because I keep this place running smoothly.” A woman with glasses on the bridge of a long pointy nose and greying hair tied back into a messy bun looked at Mr Barnes pointedly but amusedly. “Which poor soul have you brought on board this year then?”

“This is Nick Nelson, he’s our new head of languages.”

Nick stepped forward and held a hand out to Linda over the reception desk. “It’s nice to meet you, Linda.”

“You too, Mr Nelson.” Linda smiled warmly and shook Nick’s hand. “Let me guess… French?”

“How did you know?” Nick chuckled, bemused.

“Linda knows everything. She’s a regular Mystic Meg.” Mr Barnes elbowed Nick in the arm jovially. 

"Mystic Meg?"

"You remember - the clairvoyant woman - who used be on the lottery in the 90s?"

"Mr Lang, I was born in 1996."

"It's possible to go off a person you know." Nick felt his cheeks go red but Mr Lang laughed cheerily and the kind and open nature of his new boss and Linda made Nick feel more at ease with every passing minute or friendly gesture. 

“Tall, handsome and French. My, my. You’ll certainly get more than your fair share of attention in the staff room.”

Nick’s eyes widened at the brazen remark from the elderly office clerk.

“Now, now, Linda. Let the boy settle in before you scare him away,” Mr Barnes chided with little malice.

Linda held her hands up in mock surrender. “I’m just warning him. I’m allowed to be cheeky in my old age.” And then she winked at Nick with a smirk. Nick laughed at that, he could already tell he was going to get on with Linda. She reminded him of one of his aunts – they had the kind nature of his mother but a cheeky streak ran through her.

“And on that note, I shall leave you to it to get his onboarding sorted.” Mr Barnes turned to Nick and held his hand out to him again. “Great to have you on board, Nick. If you need anything, you know where my office is and Linda is always here. Linda, can you make sure he makes it in one piece to the opening staff meeting in half an hour?”

“I make no promises,” Linda replied over her shoulder. She had turned to get some paperwork out of a filing cabinet at the back of reception. “Right, let’s get started, shall we?”

Nick spent the next twenty-five minutes having his picture taken, filling in contact details and photocopying his credentials before being given a stack of paper the width of a fruit pastille.

“These are the school's policies. Everything from bullying to uniform codes of conduct. Feel free to read them digitally if you prefer, but we need a wet signature hard copy for our record.”

“No problem. I was in need of some bedtime reading.” Nick smiled at her. He was actually itching to read the schools policies on bullying and measures held in place to prevent unsavoury behaviour. 

“Right, let’s get to your first meeting shall we? Just a heads up, Mr Barnes likes to put the newbies on the spot, so this is your five minute warning to think of a fun fact about yourself.” 

“Oh, heh. Thanks.” Nick was afraid of this. He wanted to get to know people on his own terms, and he hated it when employers paraded their staff like shiny new toys. He most certainly never subjected any new students to the limelight, hating it himself.

Nick was still lost in thought on what he could say that was interesting enough to appease Mr Barnes, but not so much it invited any follow up questions, that he didn’t notice when Linda led him through a doorway and into the staff room.

“Linda! Is this your show and tell?” A bright and loud voice broke Nick from his musings as someone with short blonde hair cut into a wavy modern mullet, strode right up to them and embraced Linda in a hug. “How was your summer?!”

“Darcy, my dear. Oh, it was fine. Went to Scotland to stay with my brother for a bit. He’s getting on now, so… And this is Nick Nelson, the new head of languages.”

“Are you single?” Darcy asked Nick.

“Err, y-yeah,” Nick stuttered out. Was everyone here so forward?

“Don’t mind Mx Olsen. They mean you no harm, I assure you,” Linda spoke up to reassure Nick.

“You’re far too male for my liking! But you are definitely going to be the talk of the staff room for quite some time.”

“I’ve already warned him,” Linda informed Darcy.

“You two are making this place seem like ‘Sex in the City’ or something. I thought this was grammar school?”

“Or something,” Linda said under breath, but Nick caught it. 

“It is! Sorry, you’ll get used to me I promise. Everyone here is really lovely. Stick with me and Charlie and we’ll steer you right.” Darcy had dropped their bubbly exterior to be sincere, which Nick appreciated. 

“Sorry, I’m just a bit nervous. I’m new to the area and it’s been a lot of… new ,” Nick admitted. Darcy was clearly part of the queer community, so Nick wanted to get off the right foot with them. “And I am… single by the way.”

“No worries Nickeronie. We were all new here once.” Darcy lay a comforting hand on Nick’s arm before they continued, “In all seriousness though, you’re like a prime cut piece of steak walking into a lion's den, with all the single ladies around this place. And I mean that as an absolute lesbian.”

“Oh right, OK. Thanks for the warning, I guess. I don’t really want to start anything right now though. Want to settle in and that.”

“In that case, I shall do my best to fight off the vultures for you.” Darcy beamed. 

“Thanks,” Nick said and actually heard himself chuckle. 

“Come sit with me. I’ll introduce you to Charlie and a few others.”

Just as Nick was about to follow Darcy, Mr Barnes cleared his throat and called for everyone's attention. When he saw Nick, he beckoned for Nick to join him near the front.

Ugh, let’s get this over with. Nick thought.

“Welcome back everyone to a brand new school year! I hope you all had a lovely summer. Before we get started on the essential training and final preparations for tomorrow, I have a few announcements.” 

The chatter in the room settled down quickly. Nick looked up to see a room full of people, some still stood finding a seat, a few others with their backs to him while they made their cups of tea or coffee over the sink at the back of the room.

“Mrs Owen’s welcomed a baby boy over the summer, called Theo. If anyone would like to sign the card for her, it is with Linda in the office. We are also sending her a gift basket if you would like to contribute.”

Most of the women in the room let out ‘aww’s and ‘oh's at that piece of news. 

“Following Mr Farnborough’s retirement at the end of last term, we have a new head of languages. Allow me to introduce Mr Nelson.” Mr Barnes gestured to Nick then, who gave a shy wave to the room as he stood awkwardly to the side. “I hope you will all make the effort to get to know him and make him feel welcome. To get us started, why don’t you tell us something interesting about yourself, Mr Nelson?”

Nick stood forward then, feeling all of the eyes in the room on him without even looking up properly. “Err, hi. I’m Nick.” Seeking something to soothe him, Nick sought out Darcy for some familiarity. “One thing you’ll probably find out soon enough is that I…”

Nick’s words were cut off as he finally found Darcy sat at the back of the room. The person sitting next to them made his lungs stop taking in air. 

“...er, I-I like to b-bake.” Nick finally finished his sentence, but he could not take his eyes or attention from the familiar pair of blue eyes boring into his soul from across the room.

“I hope we get to sample some of this baking! Do you have a particular speciality?” Mr Barnes asked Nick, but Nick hadn’t even registered fully that he was being asked a question. 

I never thought I’d see you again. 

Nick’s mind was lost in dream-like memories. Dark curls and dimples. Silken skin that pimpled under his touch.

“...Nick?” Mr Barnes spoke a bit louder now.

“S-sorry. Err, my favourite thing to make is mille-feuille.” Nick shook his head as he spoke, trying to shake out of this obvious dreamworld he was experiencing. But when he looked up again with a bit more determination, the boy he had not stopped thinking about in five years was still staring at him from across the room. 

His hair was shorter now, close at the sides, but defined curls still sat atop his head, falling down above his eyes. His face was still chiselled like cut glass, and his lips were still perfectly plump and kissable. The blue eyes he once saw roll into their sockets from pleasure, were now hiding behind dark square frames. But it was definitely him. 

It was Charlie.

His Charlie. 

Chapter Text

Charlie opened his door and looked straight to the heavens in exasperation. 

“Lord, give me strength. It is too early for this shit,” Charlie murmured under his breath to the skies. He composed himself and turned to face the man waiting for him on his driveway. “What are you doing here, Robert?”

“You won’t answer my calls,” Robert said in an accusatory tone, which only served to get Charlie’s back up further.

“So you thought turning up at my door when I’m on my way to work was the logical next step?” 

“Don’t get smart with me, Charlie. You aren’t being fair.”

Charlie scoffed at that, bewildered by Robert's audacity. “I’m<.em> not being fair?!”

“No, you’re not! You won’t even hear my side of things.” 

Robert stepped forward then, reaching out to touch Charlie’s arm. Charlie roughly swatted the hand away and moved to walk past him.

“Goodbye, Robert. Show up again and I’ll set Tori on you.” Charlie didn’t look at Robert as he spoke, nor did he turn back to hear a response. He just walked straight to his car, got in and turned on the engine. 

Charlie drove to work incensed. He thought Robert was different. Over the years, Charlie Spring had had more than his fair share of crash-and-burn relationships; from fleeting nights of passion to intense partnerships that consumed him. None of them ever lasted more than five months – that was his record for a length of meaningful relationship. Until he met Robert. That was seven months ago. 

It was Valentine's Day, and Charlie was at his local Tesco getting a depressing meal for one and a full sized bottle of wine. Seeing as he was feeling extra sorry for himself, he decided he deserved a treat, so he opted for his favourite sparkling rosé. As he reached for the single bottle left on the shelf, his hand crossed with another. Robert was gracious and let Charlie have it, on the condition he also got his number. And that was that. 

Robert was attractive in a conventional way, and he was always so courteous: holding open doors, pulling out chairs. He made Charlie feel like he was being looked after, especially in the bedroom, which he was – on the rare occasion they actually saw each other. Robert’s job took him across the country being a big wig for an advertising company in London. But he still managed to make Charlie feel secure and wanted, cherished. 

When they hit the six month mark, Charlie was convinced he’d broken his own curse. So much so that he decided to give Robert with a sexy surprise. Robert had always wanted to venture into roleplay, which was never Charlie’s thing but he wasn’t entirely against it. He just didn’t feel the need to pretend to be someone else; he had spent years cultivating confidence in himself, so he didn’t see why he should pretend to be anyone else. But the best gifts are selfless, he believed. So, he stole the spare key from Robert’s key-box one day, and snuck himself into his flat half an hour before he was due home from work; a Tesco bag for life in hand containing his firefighter costume and ample amounts of lube. The last thing Charlie expected to walk in on in Robert’s flat was the man himself being railed over the sofa by his neighbour, Carl – with whom he'd had many charming conversations on the occasions they had been bumped into each other in the stairway. Dicknozzle .

No, Charlie did not need to listen to any excuse Robert was going to give him. He’d heard it all before – from different mouths – but the words were all the same. ‘I was drunk,’ ‘It was only once,’ ‘It meant nothing,’ and Charlie’s personal favourite, ‘It’s not my fault, I have a sex addiction.’ No matter the reasoning behind the action, Charlie wasn’t interested in repairing whatever it was they had. 

A month later, and Charlie felt comfortable in the decision he’d made. He didn’t even miss Robert after a week, which should probably say something. Robert still clinging on now was just an irritant – setting Charlie up for a bad day.

It was the first day back to work after the summer break, and if Charlie was honest, it was his least favourite day of the year. He loved his job, especially his extracurricular involvement with the LGBTQ+ club, but this day was just… ugh . Seven hours of classroom decorating, syllabus meetings, and forced mingling with the whole faculty where Charlie would be asked if he did anything interesting over summer a hundred times. 

Charlie’s phone began to vibrate as he pulled up outside the school. He looked at the caller ID and saw Darcy’s name with much relief.

“Darc, I’ve just pulled up. Are you here yet?”

“I am. Just on my way to get our favourite seats for the show to begin. Apparently, the newbie this year is quite delicious,” Darcy had their sing-songy meddling voice on.

“Ugh. I’ve had enough of attractive men already for one morning, thank you,” Charlie grumbled.

“Don’t tell me Robert showed up again?”

Charlie locked up his car and made his way through the front gate. It still felt surreal for him to be walking these grounds as a person of authority.

“Yep,” Charlie replied, clipped. “I threatened to put Tori onto him this time.”

“Well, if that doesn’t scare the bejesus out of him, nothing will,” Darcy cackled down the line. “Hurry along, Spring. You’re cutting it close.”

“Two minutes,” Charlie promised and then hung up. 

Reaching into his bag for his access card to the building, Charlie came up empty. He’d left it in the car, and he knew exactly where it was: hanging off his rear-view mirror so that he wouldn’t forget it. “Well that worked out, didn’t it, Charlie?” he said to himself. 

He jogged back to his car and secured his ID badge, the back travel added on minutes to his ETA. No one would care of course, it was a relaxed and friendly group of staff, and his boss had never begrudged people for tardiness of mere minutes. Still, Charlie would know. If he expected his students to show up on time, he had to lead by example – even on teacher training days. 

Charlie speed-walked through the corridors of Truham Grammar School. It had been six weeks since he’d stepped foot through the door, which felt both too long and not long enough. Charlie’s relationship with the school was very love-hate. Some areas, changing rooms and music classrooms, still sparked memories of pain for Charlie. These were the walls within which he was outed, bullied, ostracised, beaten and abused by his peers. 

His family thought he was crazy when he accepted a job there three years ago; in fact, Charlie was inclined to agree sometimes. But the lure of taking something tarnished with hate and fear, and turning it into something good and welcoming for people like himself; it was too tempting. When he found out that Mr Ajayi and Mr Farouk, who were saviours to Charlie back in his Truham days, had left the previous year, Charlie’s mind was made up. As far as he knew, the school staff now had no positive role models for the students when it came to representation and all things queer. Charlie had to fill that gap – he wouldn’t have survived without such a role model, himself. 

The staff meeting was just beginning when Charlie entered, and he used the footfall of people finding their seats to make his way to the kitchen at the back. There was no way he was going to get through this without caffeine. Charlie listened to Mr Barnes list his announcements before he started talking about a ‘Mr Nelson’. This must be the new guy Darcy was on about, Charlie thought as he stirred a splash of milk into his cup. Then he made his way to his usual seat next to Darcy, making an intentional effort at not looking to the front where the poor Mr Nelson would now be forced to predictably talk about himself. Last thing I need is another hot guy clouding my brain, no thank-you, no way. 

“Cutting it close,” Darcy whispered as Charlie slunk down in the chair. “This guy is so your type by the way, you are done for.”

“Not interested, Darcy,” Charlie hissed under his breath. 

“Err, hi. I’m Nick.” That voice, so familiar, like from a dream, had Charlie’s heart stop still in his chest. His head shot up looking toward the front of the room so quickly he probably gave himself a crick in the neck. It couldn’t be…

“One thing you’ll probably find out soon enough is that I…” Nick’s voice trailed off as they both locked eyes with each other.

Charlie felt like everything around him, people and furniture included, were melting away, leaving only him and Nick looking at each other from across a room. His heart had restarted and was now pounding fast in his chest, his mouth had gone dry and he couldn’t prevent a twitch in his pants. It was him.

“...er, I-I like to b-bake.” Nick stuttered his words, seeming as affected as Charlie. Charlie blushed profusely at the idea that Nick remembered him. 

“What was that you were saying about not being interested?” Darcy leaned in close to whisper into Charlie’s ear, the smugness apparent on her tone. But Charlie wasn’t listening enough to respond. He was busy conjuring up every memory he had of that one world-shattering night from five years ago. 

Oh, how Charlie wanted to stay that night. Nick was the epitome of everything Charlie craved, and everything he didn’t even know he coveted until they’d met. The sex was the best he’d ever had, and nobody had even come close to satisfying him since. Nick had set an impossible standard, ruined Charlie for all men after him. But it was more than that, Charlie felt it after only a few hours. Nick awakened a side of Charlie he had never experienced before, he felt seen and confident and desired. There was a connection there that Charlie couldn’t verbalise. All he knew was that it was doomed to never grow into fruition. 

Charlie’s life was destined to take him along the path away from Nick, and he didn’t regret that. Moving home to help his sister with her newborn baby while her partner competed in the Olympics was a no-brainer. Tori was everything to Charlie, they were each other's family – especially when Jane and Julio Spring were their parents. There was a darkness to the Spring siblings that no one could understand, not even their parents. But they had each other, and would always be there for each other. 

“...Nick?” Mr Barnes, had been talking to Nick, who was still dazedly looking in Charlie’s direction.

“S-sorry. Err, my favourite thing to make is mille-feuille,” Nick finally answered. The tone of Nick’s voice melted Charlie again from the inside out. He forgot how kind and masculine he sounded at the same time.

Mr Barnes began to wrap up his speech, which Nick used as an opportunity to move closer to Charlie. He began to squeeze himself in between chairs, saying ‘excuse me’ as he went, with seemingly only one goal in mind. 

Oh fuck. Charlie began to panic. In all of the fantasies he had played out in his brain where he would come face to face with Nick again, in the workplace surrounded by his boss and peers was not one of them.

Before Charlie could formulate a plan of action, the adonis himself was awkwardly stood in front of him.

“Nick! This is…” Darcy began but was cut short by Nick.

“Charlie,” Nick spoke breathily, in disbelief. 

Darcy looked sceptically between the two men. “Do you two know each other?” she asked.

“You could say that,” Charlie smirked, resisting the urge to bite his lip now that Nick was within arms reach.

Nick had aged well. His arms and chest were still all muscle, his thighs were close to breaking a seam on the fitted dress trousers Nick was wearing, and his once smooth jawline was littered with stubble that Charlie ached to feel irritate his own skin. The hair on top of his head was less dishevelled as it was when they first met, and now swooped to the side in a stylised fashion that was worthy of runway models. 

The people around the room began to break away from their seats and begin the day's tasks. The sounds of movement brought Charlie out of his reverie.

“Err, Nick and I knew each other back at uni.” Charlie tried for a more plausible but G-rated answer to settle Darcy’s curiosity. 

“Right, yeah. Uni,” Nick agreed.

“Oh great! Well, that settles it then, you must join our friend group, Nick.” Darcy had a raised eyebrow as she spoke which Charlie knew to mean they were meddling. “Be nice to have an ally with muscle. Scare those homophobes away.” There it was.

“An ‘ally’?” Nick asked, looking confused.

“ Darcy...” Charlie chided. This was Darcy’s way of finding out where Nick sat on the queer rainbow, if at all. But she didn’t know that Charlie already knew, intimately, where Nick stood in that regard.

“Oh, right I get ya. I’m bi, actually. But still happy to be the muscle against homophobes.” Nick attempted to chuckle at his own joke, but he was still clearly a bit nervous by the way his hand went to the back of his neck.

“Mr Nelson! I see you’ve saved me the job of introducing you to Mr Spring.” Mr Barnes had walked up to the trio unknowingly, and clapped Nick on the back.

“Mr Spring?” Nick asked, like a deer caught in headlights before laughing out loud.

“Yes, Charlie Spring.” Mr Barnes looked like he wasn’t getting the joke, and to be honest neither was Charlie. 

“Sorry. Sorry. That’s just… great.” Nick composed himself again as he spoke.

“Mr Spring, Mr Nelson here is very interested in participating in the LGBTQ+ club. Maybe you could make some time today and talk him through what you do here and how he can get involved.” Mr Barnes spoke to Charlie, who was flaming up inside at the prospect of spending some one-on-one time with Nick again, even if in a professional capacity. 

“Of course, always happy to have another member on board.” Charlie replied to Mr Barnes cordially. 

“Great! Well I’ll let you get settled Mr Spring, Mx Olsen. Mr Nelson, I thought I best point you out to your language teachers. Shall we?” Mr Barnes indicated over his shoulder and Nick began to turn to follow dutifully. 

“I’ll see you later?” Charlie said instinctively. A part of him was looking for confirmation Nick wasn’t going to slip out of his life again.

“I can’t wait,” Nick said with a smile so bright it set off a tsunami of flutters in Charlie’s belly.

Once Nick and Mr Barnes were out of ear shot, Darcy zeroed in on Charlie.

“What in the gay loving God’s name was that?!”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Charlie tried to sound passive, but he heard his own voice catch at the end.

“Charlie, you look like you’ve just had another gay-awakening.”

“Shut up. No I don’t.”

“You do! I’ve not seen you this flustered or red since that French guy on the Paris trip gave you his number.”

Charlie turned on his heels then, figuring if he couldn’t compose himself, he may as well just walk away. But Darcy being Darcy, caught up fast.

“So, who was he then? An ex? An unrequited crush?”

“Neither.” 

“Ohhh, come on Spring. I know all of your friends from uni, and I don’t remember you ever mentioning a ‘Nick’. So, how do you know him?”

“I told you, at uni.”

“How at uni?”

“Darcy!” Charlie warned, and he was beginning to feel his face heat up again."He wasn't actually at York I just met him at Uni, OK."

“Wait!” Darcy put her hand on Charlie’s arm to stop him walking any further. “He’s not…?”

Charlie looked at Darcy then and watched the recognition switch turn on in their brain.

“Oh my God! He is! Isn’t he?!”

“Darcy, keep your voice down!” Charlie chided again.

“That’s the guy that made you come so hard you forgot your own name?! WOW! I am in literal queer heaven right now.”

“Darcy, do not make a big deal out of th—” Charlie’s words were cut short by the excitement now seeping from Darcy.

“But it is a big deal! Charlie, he’s the one that got away. And he’s here !”

“You make it sound like some rom-com Hallmark movie,” Charlie said derisively.

“Well isn’t it?”

“What? No! That’s preposterous.”

“Let’s see. Adorable meet-cute, check. Mind-blowing sex, check. The universe-tearing-you-apart-cliche, check. The unexpected reunion, check. Yep, I think that’s a pretty solid Hallmark movie right there. All you need now is a trope that inevitably leads to you both declaring your undying love for each other. Maybe a kiss under the mistletoe? Ooooh a one-bed scenario. No wait! I got it! Locked in a cupboard?!”

“Darcy, please calm down. Nothing is going to happen.”

“Why?” Darcy asked, looking genuinely disappointed with her lip pouted out like a child. 

“Firstly, we work together. Secondly, for all we know he isn’t single, I mean look at him?!” Charlie threw his hand in the direction of the staff room. “Thirdly, I just got out of a relationship.”

“Yeah but Robert was an utter twat and you know it.”

Charlie didn’t respond, just gave Darcy a look that said ‘please drop this’. 

Fourthly, why would someone like Nick want someone like me? A broken, cursed mess. Charlie thought the words to himself, not daring to voice his insecurities out loud, not even to one of his best friends. 

Chapter Text

Hi everyone.

Sorry to disappoint but this isn't a new chapter.

I just wanted to put a little update up regarding the status of this fic as it was surprisingly popular after only a couple chapters.

I WILL complete this. However, this semester at uni has been very intense and I just can't even contemplate going back to this WIP right now.

Next semester I have half the amount of course modules though, so expect new chapters to begin from roughly February 2025.

Once I've started again, those that know my work will know I don't do schedules and tend to write quick! So please hang in there folks!

See you next year. Hope you have a happy holiday season

Feels xxx

Chapter Text

Sorry, guys. This isn't a chapter update. I'm looking for a writer. If you write, please read on and consider my plea. 

I have tried to carry on writing this, but because the fic was originally a gift for someone from a time that now if I think of it only causes me discomfort, I just don't feel like I can write it. My heart wouldn't be in it, and so the writing and story wouldn't be at it's full potential. 

So I wondered if anybody who has been reading this and supporting it would like to take over? No pressure, if nobody takes up the offer I will finish the story eventually, but the zest and oompf may be lost if I'm being honest. I just can't leave things unfinished, but I'm hoping someone else can give the story the continuation and love it deserves. 

If anyone is interested, you can find me on discord (marmitewitch) or on twitter @h4tf1990. 

So proud and excited to say that Iseewhatyourdoing has agreed to take this on! They are one of my absolute favourite writers, and I'm so excited! So it's bye from me now, I'll leave in you in their capable hands. Thank you to all who read so far!

Chapter Text

Proceed with Caution

Nick's Perspective

The torrent of thoughts rushing through Nick’s brain as Mr. Barnes showed him his way to the classroom that would become his second home was almost deafening. He could barely register the words of his new boss as he listed off the members of his department, his thoughts on school ethos, the commitment to student well being etc. He hoped he made a good enough show of nodding and smiling at each appropriate juncture and managed to get away with only the small percentage of his focus that was dedicated to the headmaster's words.

Meanwhile his brain thrummed with activity and questions.

Was Charlie happy to see him?

Should he go seek him out immediately?

Was he single?

When did he start wearing glasses?

Did Charlie ever think about that night?

Should he just go and declare himself and his undying love? (Ok, no. Even he knew that was too much.)

Should he, at the very least, go and push him up against his classroom door and declare his very real and very current attraction?

And when did he start wearing glasses? ... Oh, wait he already asked that.

By the time he was in the relative safety and solitude of his own classroom, he began to settle a little, and he allowed a modicum of common sense to return. Just because that night had been earth shattering to Nick, there was no reason to believe that Charlie had ever viewed it in those terms. He had no idea what Charlie’s personal circumstances were, nor whether he’d have any interest in rekindling a connection, with someone who in reality was nothing more than a one-night stand, from 5 years ago.

Charlie had been the one to leave, without so much as a goodbye. No number scrawled on old receipt or stolen napkin. No confirmation that they’d follow each other on socials or even the provision of a last name. He thought back to what had been said between them. Charlie had remarked that he didn’t have Nick ‘pegged as a casual hookup kind of guy’, that was true enough, but he’d never made any such assertion about himself.

Their mutual attraction had been obvious, and they’d been entirely honest about that, but the reality was they’d been little more than strangers to each other. No strings, no commitments, no professional repercussions to contend with. Just lust and want and, yes, maybe for Nick a connection he couldn’t quite name, but had very rarely felt before.

Things were different now.

He needed to proceed with caution, he needed to be respectful. This might feel like the universe’s attempt to provide him with a second chance, but to Charlie it might be the excruciating moment that one of your old regrets pops up at your place of work.

So, Nick went about his day, as best he could. Meeting staff members, organising his classroom, ensuring his lesson plans and schedules were all in place for the weeks to follow. He went to the canteen at lunch and was on high alert, searching for a set of dark curls among the faculty, but Charlie was nowhere to be seen.

By 2.30pm he’d exercised about as much restraint as was humanly possible and felt it was reasonable to seek him out. They’d agreed to catch up about Nick’s potential involvement in the LGBTQ+ society in any case, so he had every legitimate reason to pay a visit to ‘Mr. Spring.’ His stomach still swirled with anxiety as he headed toward the maths block and knocked on the open door of Charlie’s classroom.

Charlie was sat behind his desk, sucking on the leg of his glasses and clicking about on his laptop when Nick’s tapping disturbed his concentration. He felt his body tense somewhat at the sight of him. The urge to be close, back in his personal space, was inappropriately strong but he needed to approach this carefully. So, he simply lent against the door frame as Charlie lifted his head, and a grin broke out across his face.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Em, please, come in.”

Nick wandered over and pulled up a chair next to Charlie’s desk. The feeling of anxiety he’d been experiencing morphing to a bubbling of excitement as the pair of eyes that had not dimmed in his memory in the half decade since he last saw them, locked on to his.

“So, you wanted to know about the....”

“I just thought I’d ask about....”

They spoke over each other at once, and then both let out a little laugh at the awkward formality between them. This felt ridiculous. Sat here attempting to be normal, professional, serious and polite with someone who you’d literally been inside was just ludicrous. But this was a delicate dance between them. They both looked down and smiled shyly, and Nick bit the inside of his lip, waiting for Charlie to speak.

“Sorry, after you Nick.”

“No, I, mean, I was just going to ask about the society and if there was anything I could do to help? How often you meet? When it started - all that?”

“Yeah, sure I can talk you through everything.”

Nick was dying to address their previous meeting, to find out everything and anything that happened in the intervening years. He wanted to know what Charlie made of Nick being here, he desperately wanted to know if he’d ever thought about that night since. He couldn’t ask though. Not now. Not at work, and on his very first day in a new school, it seemed a blurring of lines that may never be welcomed.

So instead, they sat and they kept things light. It was fine, normal.

Charlie explained he’d actually been a pupil at this school and set this very society up when he was Head Boy. It was another little nugget of information demonstrating just how special Charlie was, and it lit up Nick’s synapses. He went on to explain, that he’d returned on hearing of the position and knowing that two of his former teachers who’d really acted as queer role models, were leaving. He told of how the group tended to meet weekly and would organise fund raising events, functions and just provide a safe space for any pupil who needed it.

“It’d be great if you just wanted to come along to our next meeting, you can meet the members, they tend to chair everything themselves. I’m just here as support and to offer guidance when they need it, but another pair of hands would always be useful.”

“That sounds great, em, thanks Charlie. I look forward to it.”

“Cool, well, our next session is after school on Thursday, we just meet here. But I mean, if you’ve got any questions in the mean time...”

Do you want to get dinner?

Can I have your number?

Do you still do that thing with your tongue...?

“That’s great, em, yeah – I know where to find you.”

Nick exited the room offering an awkward wave and a half smile before heading back along the corridor dazed and confused. Charlie had been polite, friendly even, but entirely professional. It seemed he was sending a pretty clear message, that whatever went before - was to be kept firmly in the past.

Charlie's Perspective

Well, that was fucking excruciating.

Charlie lowered his head on to his desk, the weight of his humiliation lying heavy on his chest. He thought he made a reasonable attempt at masking his true feelings, when Nick showed up at his door, all turned up shirt sleeves, sparkling honey eyes and floppy auburn fringe.

Nick had been as sweet and kind as ever, open and chatty, charismatic even but the shift was evident. No longer flustered by attraction or forward in his flirting, Nick was here as a new colleague and a teacher. A boundary that had not been there before was plain for them both to see. They were co-operative, approachable, work acquaintances.

He had listened intently to Charlie’s rambling about the society and asked insightful questions, he’d smiled and nodded and maintained a very respectful distance and was essentially a poster child for what ‘no longer wants to fuck you’ looks like.

This was fine. Charlie might be over the dick-wad that was Robert but it didn’t mean he needed to go jumping into something else, especially with someone who he knew had the power to crush his heart like a baby bird in his hand. God, given that they worked together the repercussions for both of them of what would almost certainly be another failed attempt at a relationship, would actually be quite damaging. Charlie chided himself for even allowing a flicker of hope to surface.

Because truthfully, it had surfaced.

Over the course of the day, following the staff meeting, his mind continually found himself reliving the moments of that night. The feel of Nick’s skin under his fingers, the taste of his mouth on his, the stretch as Nick buried himself inside him and brought him to mind bending pleasure.

But more than that, he remembered how warm and safe he’d felt as they lay together after snuggled in while watching the film. How, comfortable their chat had been, how easily and genuinely their connection had formed.

How he really, really hadn’t wanted to leave.

By the time lunch had rolled around, Charlie was in such a state of anxiety that he’d decided the only safe option was to slowly work through his sandwiches at his own desk. The idea of eating in a room full of people, including the man who he hadn’t been able to forget in 5 years of trying, was far too much for him to handle.

The attraction he had felt when Nick lent casually against his door frame, like a fucking romantic male lead in a corny sitcom, was practically laughable, but it turned quickly to shame and embarrassment as Nick’s lack of interest was laid bare before him.

He didn't know what had changed in the intervening years, maybe Nick was no longer single, maybe Charlie had been an itch that once scratched was easily forgotten but whatever had happened, Charlie now repeated to himself, an inescapable truth. A mantra to convince his desperate heart, what his brain had already accepted.

“He doesn’t want you anymore.”

Chapter Text

Wishful Thinking

Charlie’s Perspective

“So, you’re telling me, nothing’s going to happen?”

“Jeez, yes Darc! That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”

They had cornered him as he made his way back to his car at the end of the in-service day and persuaded him to head back to the flat Darcy shared with their partner Tara.

“I just don’t get it. You looked about ready to jump each other in the staff room? What changed?”

Charlie thought back to their quick exchange that morning. It was true, there had been a level of excitement to that meeting. But that quickly proved to be simply wishful thinking when Nick had returned to him that afternoon.

“I don’t know what to tell you Darcy, like I said we’re colleagues and... I mean he was just really professional about the whole thing. I know when someone is flirting with me and from memory, Nick was not subtle about it. So, I guess, that’s it. He’s not interested.”

Tara tapped her finger gently on the side of her mug of tea and looked up at him with kind, deep, dark brown, eyes. “OK - but, I mean, did you flirt with him?”

“What? No, of course not! I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable at his first day at work, and I’ve no idea what his deal is these days. It’s been five years! I mean he could be in a relationship or bloody married for all I...”

“Oh shit – no! I forgot – he told me he’s not. He’s definitely single. He confirmed it.” Darcy exclaimed slapping their hand on their forehead dramatically.

Charlie felt a twinge in his heart at the news, but tried to repress it as best he could. “And just how do you know that?”

“Em, it’s pretty simple Charlie – I just asked him!”

So, in that case, he reasoned, Nick just wasn’t attracted to him anymore. He didn’t know if that was better or worse.

“Well, single or not, his silence on the subject of the last time we met was pretty deafening. I wasn’t about to make a fool of myself and drool all over him.”

Darcy got up and strode across to where he was sat at their little kitchen table and took hold of him by the shoulders and stared straight into his eyes, “Charlie, my guy, I say this with love. Don’t be such a fucking idiot.”

“What?”

“Look, if you were acting all prissy and stand offish – then maybe he was just following your lead? You said he was sweet, right? All ‘gooey hearted’ or whatever term you used.”

“I don’t think I sai...”

“Whatever. The point is, he’s not going to jump you in your classroom at his first day at work.”

“Darc is right, Charlie, he’s obviously going to be a bit reticent to even bring that up. Especially if you were doing your best to give the impression that you’re not remotely interested yourself.”

“Yeah, besides weren’t you the one to leave in the middle of the night without so much as, ‘well this was fun, see you around’ as a goodbye?”

“I...”

“Charlie. All I’m saying is, don’t be so sure he’s not interested. I saw the way he looked at you this morning. My gay intuition has rarely failed me. He might have been able to collect himself by the time he caught you this afternoon, but that doesn’t mean anything.”

“You know, Darcy – I think I hate you sometimes.”

“What?! You love me! And you know I’m right. What you hate is losing arguments.”

“Actually, I hate the hope. It’s fucking excruciating.” Charlie’s head had found a new home on the kitchen table, but Darcy didn’t allow him to wallow, and they prodded him till he picked himself back up.

“Charlie - don’t be a twat about this. Just dip your toe in.” They ran their fingers through the soft textured curls at the top of their mullet and shook it out slightly.

“What, exactly do you mean by that?”

“I mean... flirt with him, just a little. Gauge his reaction.”

“Yeah, flirt with him!” Tara was smiling sweetly, and it was difficult not to be a little wrapped up by his friend's enthusiasm.

“I...”

“You keep trying to say something, but you’ve got nothing, because you know we’re right. Now, go home, and don’t stress too much about what you’re wearing tomorrow.”

Darcy raised their eyebrow knowingly at this statement.

“I wasn’t going t...”

“Don’t lie to me Charlie – we've known each other too long for that.”

Charlie drained his tea and headed to his car, replaying the day’s events on endless loop in his mind.

Nick's Perspective

“Nick, you know if you wanted to hold off looking for other flats for a little while longer, there really would be no objection on my part!”

Elle grinned affectionately at him, her shoulders doing a little happy dance as she helped herself to yet another portion of Nick’s Parmigiana Melanzane.

“You never dance like that at the meals I make you.” Tao’s arms were folded in mock offence.

“Tao, putting a pre-made pizza in the oven for 10 minutes is not setting the culinary world alight!”

“That’s not all I cook, you know!”

“My love, you have a great many talents, but it’s OK to accept that being a master chef isn’t one of them. And you were just as excited as me at the prospect of a few ‘Nick-home cooked-meals' – don't pretend otherwise.”

Tao reached over and spooned some more food onto his plate, “Alright - I admit it. He's OK.”

Nick shook his head at his oldest friend. “Praise indeed!”

“Seriously though, Nick. Elle’s right, there’s no rush for you to find somewhere. Even without the domestic goddess thing you’ve got going on.” He circled his hand around somewhat dramatically in Nick’s direction, and Nick chuckled at the description.

“Thanks. That means a lot. I do want to find somewhere though, for myself too. It’s just... time for a fresh start.”

“Speaking of which – how was the first day? The other people in your department nice?”

Elle’s question was entirely innocent but not for the first time in his life, Nick really wished his skin wouldn’t betray his feelings so transparently. He felt the flush start to rise in his cheeks.

“Yeah... It was good. Just what you’d expect really. Nothing to report. I mean, it’s just a school, right? Everyone was friendly. Couldn’t find any cafes for a tea nearby but otherwise fine. Em, yeah. So good. How was your day?”

Tao and Elle looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“What the hell? Spill, Nelson.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Tao?”

The smile in Elle’s voice was evident, “Seriously Nick, you’re the worst liar. What happened?”

“No, nothing it was... fuck.”

“Go on – who are they?”

How does she always know?

“No, I... well... OK. So, do you remember the night you two finally... well obviously you remember but do you remember that I... well there was that guy.”

“Do we remember? Nick! You googled Charlie, University of York, plays drums, or some combination thereof, every day for about 6 months.” Tao ishook his head at the memory.

“It wasn’t... I didn’t...”

Elle resembled a caricature of a shocked cartoon character as her two hands flew to either side of her face, “Wait! NO – he's not at the school?”

“Um, yeah – he's one of the maths teachers. He actually runs the LGBTQ society that I wanted to help with.”

“Nick! Oh my God!” She’s squealed a little and grabbed Tao by the wrist, in a sort of frantic delight. Tao’s face however, remained stern.

“Nick, look, I know that you felt like you had a connection back then, but I don’t want you to go getting ahead of yourself.”

“Tao!”

“No, I mean, this guy, didn’t leave a number, a last name, didn’t even have the courtesy to say goodbye. I just, I don’t want you to get hurt. You're only just out of a messy situation. Like this isn’t necessarily a good thing.”

“I’m not an idiot, Tao. I do get it.”

Elle reached over the table and took Nick’s hand, “Still, he’s allowed to see where it goes, Tao. I mean, sometimes it can be right person wrong time – can't it?”

Nick felt his heart sink as he remembered his earlier interaction with Charlie, “Yeah, well as much as I hate to admit it, I think Tao has a point. We caught up today and... I mean he didn’t even acknowledge that night. I think he wants to pretend it never happened.”

“See!”

“Shush you.” Elle stuck her tongue out briefly at her partner and turned back to Nick,

“Look, not to put too fine a point on it, but did you?”

“What?”

“Did you bring up that night?”

“Well...no.”

She didn’t even say anything, just raised an eyebrow and inclined her head, in an attempt to encourage Nick to join his own dots.

“OK, but I mean I couldn’t - it was work and it was my first day, and I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable and...”

“Nick!”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t you think the same could be said of him?”

Nick wondered if just maybe she had a point.

Chapter Text

Beautiful Fiction

Charlie’s Perspective

Charlie’s head was buzzing by the time he slipped into his bed that night. Patches of conversations returning to him in flashes. Images of the Nick from 5 years ago, intermixing with the sight of him across the staffroom that morning. As he settled into the comfort of his duvet, he allowed himself the luxury of believing his friend’s words. That maybe, just maybe, Nick had merely felt apprehensive. That he too was hiding his attraction under a veil of professionalism, or fear of coming on too strong.

Giving in to that hope might be a dangerous game to play, but in the dim light of his room, he was happy to roll the dice. To let that possibility linger. He knew the difference between fantasy and reality, and surely a little fantasy couldn’t hurt that much – could it?

He shuts his eyes Nick appears again at his door, leaning against it, all confidence and masculinity as he reaches up and braces himself against the frame. He allows his eye contact to linger on Charlie’s face, he doesn’t shyly look away or clear his throat in discomfort. He stares at him. Daring Charlie to stare back.

Taunting him with their shared knowledge that they could make the other fall apart with the simplest of touches.

“You just going to stand there or are you planning on coming in.”

“Still a cheeky shit, I see.”

He steps forward closing the door firmly in his wake, flicking the little lock on the round handle, and pulling down the blind over the small safety-glass window, before striding over in Charlie’s direction.

Fuck.

Charlie closes his laptop and pushes back from his desk, his legs widening a little on his seat. Nick perches on the table in front of him.

“You look different?”

“Do I?”

“Yeah, I mean it’s a good different... You, em, you got a haircut.”

“Nick, it’s been 5 years – I've had several.”

“No, I mean – you changed it – it's shorter at the sides now.”

“Yeah, well I’m a proper grown up, with a grown-up job.”

Charlie is irritated that even ‘fantasy him’ would be concerned at this, fear creeping in that Nick no longer likes what he sees.

“Does, does it look bad?”

“No, it looks...” Nick leans forward and pushes back a stray curl from his forehead causing a fully body shiver to take hold, “that is – you look good. You always looked good Charlie.”

He runs his fingers through his own hair and down the side of his face, over his bare chest. Kneading at his hip bones and then he palms himself over his boxers as he starts to firm.

“Oh yeah, how good, Mr Nelson?”

Charlie’s legs spread wider on his seat, and he fixes his stare straight into Nick’s eyes, that already appear darkening with lust.

“Good enough to eat.”

“Christ!”

Then they’re on each other, Nick lunging forward, onto his knees, grasping at the back of Charlie’s neck, pulling him into a deep and desperate kiss. 5 years of estrangement doesn’t lend itself to soft or tentative, so their mouths press deeply, their tongues exploring as hands and fingers grasp and fist at each other’s shirts.

Before long, Nick is on Charlie’s neck and both fantasy and real Charlie let out a gasp at the warm, wet heat of it. Nick undoes Charlie’s button, allowing access to his collar bone, a spot just out of sight where he can leave his mark.

His hand continues to explore down Charlie’s abdomen, trailing over his wasitband and then down to the outside of his fly. He pulls back briefly to illicit a nod which Charlie readily bestows.

Nick is back licking at the top of his chest as his hand squeezes at him through his trousers.

Charlie’s movement is firmer, and more determined now as a small wet patch forms at the tip of his aching dick. He slips his hand inside his boxers and starts to stroke himself in earnest as he lets his brain continue to supply him with the most beautiful fiction. Images of what he wished had been.

Nick is fiddling with Charlie’s belt now, and undoing his fly, Charlie glances over to the locked door and bites on his fist trying to stifle a moan as Nick finally frees him completely. His firm cock springs free, twitching and dripping with want.

Nick’s large hand wraps around the base, firmly, and starts to work him. So beautiful on his knees, sheltered slightly by his desk. Their eyes lock and Nick parts his lips to envelop Charlie in the warm firm suction of his mouth.

Charlie spits on his hand and speeds up his motion, visions of Nick before him in his classroom occasionally flashing and splicing between the genuine memory from their real time together. He reaches for the bedside and seeks out a bottle of lube. He’s not sure if he’s going to treat himself to this fantasy again, so he better make the most of it. (Who is he kidding, he definitely will be.)

Nick is taking him deep into his mouth now, the leaking end of Charlie’s desperate cock finding the roof of Nick’s mouth as he bobs and hollows his cheeks, his motion rapid.

Charlie’s thumb flicks along the slit of his exposed cockhead, letting the pre that gathered there mix with the lube he’d applied liberally to his hand. His back starts arching and heat gathers in him. He doesn’t want it to end, wants to hold on to the images flashing through his brain, but they’re too hot, too perfect for him to cling on. His toes curl and the fingers of his free hand fist at his sheets.

His spend releasing into Nick’s waiting mouth, ropes filling him as Nick sucks, and licks his way through it, ensuring not a drop is left or wasted. He pulls back, his jaw slack, allowing Charlie sight of the cum he’d unloaded before he swallows it down.

Charlie wonders if real Nick would ever be so filthy uninvited, but this was his fantasy and if he could imagine Nick on his knees in his classroom, he could dream about him showing his handiwork in his mouth.

Charlie’s breath is rapid and stuttered as he returns to the surroundings of his bedroom. His warm cum, cooling quickly on his stomach, he trails his fingers through it for a moment, allowing himself one more moment of desire as he pictured Nick unloading on his chest, and drawing patterns in it with his broad fingers.

Christ, he tries to remember the last time he came that hard, but it feels a little too painful when he wonders if it might have been the last time he was with Nick for real.

Nick's Perspective

Nick wakes after a fitful sleep. His dreams were filled with curly hair and dimples and dark, searing blue eyes.

It’s not the first time such dreams had haunted him over the years, but this was the most vivid they’d been in a while. He reaches for this phone; it’s still early, he won’t need to be up for another hour at least. His hand slides under the covers and starts a lazy stroke.

The truth was, he’d thought of Charlie often, over the years. The sounds he made, the feel of his soft skin under his. Getting off to that memory was not anything new. Though truthfully, he had harboured a little guilt, when the images returned to him while he was still with Amy. He feels certain he would never have crossed that line in real life – he'd really committed to her. But he’d had to make peace with the fact that he could no more prevent those memories from stirring his arousal than he could go back in time and plead his case, that they should have at the very least, have some way of remaining in touch.

And now, he does.

In the warmth and safety of his little box room, he allows himself the dreamy possibility that Elle was right. That Charlie was merely being as cautious as he was. That had he indicated he wanted more – Charlie would have been all too willing to oblige.

“Charlie”

“Nick.”

Charlie looks up at him smirking, a thick eyebrow raised as Nick is stood in his doorway on the precipice of something he’s wanted for so long.

“You got glasses.”

“You’re observant today.”

“I just like looking at you.”

Charlie bites his lips and is up from behind his desk in a moment, pulling Nick in from the doorway closing it firmly behind him. He presses into his personal space, as he reaches to flick the lock, looking up it him through dark lashes, daring him to make the next move.

“Fuck, you’re so hot Charlie.”

“Yeah?”

He’s barely able to nod before Charlie surges forward and presses him firmly against the locked door. The kiss he’d missed so much in the intervening years is searing and filled with pent up desire. Charlie reaches down and grasps at Nick’s glutes as Nick brings his hand sliding up Charlie’s back and into his hair, his fingers grasping at the curls he’d never been able to forget.

Charlie pulls back, and looks at him, his face almost angry. “What took you so long? I’ve been waiting for you all day?”

“I... I.. I was looking for you at lunch... I didn’t know if you wanted to see me.”

A devilish grin ghosts over Charlie’s face, “Yeah, I had an errand to run.”

Nick’s lazy strokes have quickened, and he clenches his eyes shut as he buries his head in the crook of his left arm. Biting lightly at his own cheek to stop himself from groaning too loudly in this small shared flat.

Nick thinks maybe he’s let Charlie have the upper hand a little too long and wants to make a small show of strength, so he flips them. Charlie now backed against the door. He reaches down and pulls at Charlie’s thigh so he can grind into him as they continue their desperate and deep kisses. Charlie is hard now, and it thrills Nick so completely that he’s caused this.

“Fuck, baby, is that for me?”

He reaches and palms at Charlie’s dick. Charlie nods at him vigorously. Nick’s arm nestled in the small gap between them stroking at him through the thin material of his suit trousers.

He wants to open his fly, be presented with the beautiful pink cock of his memory, but his mind keeps shooting off to every potential route this fantasy could take. Every way he wants to take Charlie apart.

He pushes Charlie’s thigh down from where it was rested, wrapped round his own and spins him, so Nick’s chest is to Charlie’s back and he presses him forward once more against the door. His arm reaching round and clutching at his chest, so their bodies fit flush together. Charlie rolls his hips, allowing Nick to grind into his perfect little behind.

Nick can’t think clearly, he wants to suck, fuck, lick, finger, he wants to sink to his knees and take Charlie in his mouth and at the same time he wants to bend him over his desk and fill him so full of his dick that he never thinks of anyone else but him. He clutches at the base of his prick, trying to slow the swirling climax and regains his thought process. One debauched fantasy at a time.

Nick spins Charlie again and sinks to his knees and starts to un-do his belt. “Got to taste you baby, been too long since I’ve seen your pretty dick. Want to feel you in my mouth.” He lowers the zip before him and noses at the soft cloth of Charlie’s black briefs. Blowing hot air on to the tip of his dick through the minimal barrier left, before Charlie lets out a small moan and frees himself fully.

“Please Nick, need you.”

He doesn’t need to be asked twice, he surrounds him, bobbing and sucking and licking. Charlie above him is moaning into the crook of his elbow. He needs to stifle the sounds Nick is eliciting but it’s proving a near impossible task.

“God, so good, such a good boy for me, Nick. God, I’ve missed the way you touch me.”

Nick is teetering on the edge, but he doesn’t let himself succumb just yet. He let’s go of his cock for a moment and places fingers in his mouth as he continues to imagine what he wished could have been. He sucks hard, but his cock is leaking on to his naked abs now and crying out for relief.

“Don’t want to come like this Nick, I’ve got a surprise for you.”

Charlie pushes Nick’s head back and makes his way to his desk. Opening the drawers, Nick follows, and allows his breath to catch, acting surprised that his fantasy Charlie keeps condoms and lube in his drawer at work.

“Charlie! This isn’t exactly usual classroom supplies.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Nick, I told you, I had an errand to run at lunch. I saw you, and I knew I needed you inside me again. As soon as possible.”

Charlie is leaning against the desk now, his trousers pushed below the apple of his arse, and he’s looking expectantly at Nick.

“Fuck, Charlie – this is – I can’t believe we’re going to do this here.”

“The door is locked, the blind is down – please, please fuck me, Nick.”

Nick runs his hand over Charlie’s exposed flesh, squeezing at his buttocks, then running his fingertips up and down the indent of his spine. He ghosts over Charlie’s hole only to find the solid base of a rubber plug there.

“Oh! You really wanted this huh?”

“Nick, you’re so big I just wanted to get ready for you.”

Nick feels the colour rise in his cheeks, that he allows the Charlie in his dreams to comment on his size makes him feel a little embarrassed even in the privacy of his bedroom, but he cant’ help it. The look in Charlie’s eyes when he was exposed to him for the first time, the words he’d used, when he was about to enter him, “Go slow, baby. I’ve never had anyone as big as you.”

Fuck, he couldn’t help it, it turned him on so much to think, that Nick could fill him like no one else ever would.

Then he’s removing the plug and replacing it with lubed fingers till Charlie is begging for his dick. He lines up his now wrapped cock, (wishing that even in fantasy he could just forego being so bloody responsible. But he knows if he thinks about riding him bare, he’ll get distracted by the practicalities of clean up and the risks and... fuck... now he’s out of it).

He takes a deep breath and clenches his eyes shut, desperate to return to the world he created, working at himself rapidly.

He pushes forward inch by inch, Charlie yielding to him. Nick’s hand on his shoulder holds him steady as he’s sprawled forward on the desk, taking him.

“Fucking, yes Nick. Please, God I’ve missed this feeling. No one like you. No one comes close.”

It was his fantasy and if he wanted Charlie to ramp up the praise, that was his fucking business...

“That’s it, that’s it. You fuck me so well Nick! Christ.”

“You take me so beautifully Charlie, God, I wish you could see how we look joined like this – it's fucking perfect.”

Nick thrusts forward, at an almost punishing rate.”

He fucks into his fist, barely containing the yell that threatens to leave him as he shoots on to his chest, coating himself in his hot, white spend. His body shuddering, tensing and then relaxing. His breath slowly returning to something resembling normal.

God, he didn’t know how he was going to face Charlie when he saw him next. That somehow, Charlie would take one look at him and know. Know the depth of his attraction and what he’d been driven to do in the privacy of his room. Despite that somewhat illogical fear, he couldn’t help it, he still couldn’t wait till the next time he’d see Charlie Spring.

Chapter Text

Supportive

Nick’s perspective

Nick spent the next couple of days settling into his new role. The teaching part came naturally, while there were undoubtedly challenges when faced with a wide range of abilities and the unpredictable, hormonal nature of teenage boys – he had an ease about him, that the pupils responded to.

He could play the role of the charismatic young teacher, who could understand you and didn’t mind a laugh. But he’d also discovered that his natural authority, which had played out for him as a captain on the rugby pitch, translated well to his role in a classroom.

Other adults however... that always felt slightly more intimidating. He was more worried they’d see through his portrayal of confidence, that they’d question why he’d been given such responsibility at so young an age. That they’d resent him.

Still, within the first couple of days he’d ensured that he had set up bi-weekly one to ones with each member of the languages department, and also put in place a suggestion box for anyone with concerns they’d rather raise anonymously. He was trying to gauge from the team how often people felt comfortable meeting as a group to discuss departmental issues.

In the staff room, one break time he was speaking with one of the more experienced French teachers. “I don’t want to come in and start a revolution. I’d just like to get to grips with how things work first, and I suppose if I do see anything that feels like it could be improved, I want to work with everyone. But I’m not up for change for change’s sake.”

Perhaps sensing his slight trepidation, Elspeth, a kindly woman with a grey bob and oversized cardigans, patted him on the back and gave him an encouraging smile. “That sounds good, truly Nick. We’re honestly happy to have you on board.”

At lunch he’d head to the canteen and sit among his colleagues and try not to be distracted as he searched the sea of faces. He came to the conclusion, Charlie obviously preferred to eat away from the crowd, but he found it surprising they’d never so much as passed each other in the car park.

The maths department was in a different block, so he understood they weren’t going to be running into each other constantly, but he’d seriously considered simply stopping by on the morning of his 28th and asking Charlie directly if he fancied providing him with a birthday treat. As it was, that was never more than another steamy fantasy that resulted in an even steamier shower.

By Thursday afternoon his patience was fraying. Still, he had the queer soc to look forward to, and he practically sprinted down the corridor once the last of his students had vacated his classroom.

When he arrived, Charlie was busy rearranging desks and chairs, forming a large table in the centre.

“Can I give you a hand with that?”

Charlie looked up and the sweetest grin broke across his face.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

They paused for a moment in the warmth of their greeting, and Nick felt the familiar tingle of being in this man’s company. He repressed the memory of his most recent salacious daydream, lest it showed on his face. He also knew he couldn’t just stand there, simply staring, so he shook himself free and motioned again to the table Charlie was halfway through manoeuvring.

“Oh yeah, please. If you grab that end. I’m not sure how many will show up today but there’s usually around 10 of us. I want to make sure we’ve got extra spaces, in case.”

They worked together getting everything in order, and Charlie got out a few packets of Haribo and Maltesers and placed them around the table along with a couple of fidget spinners.

“Sometimes, especially the new kids, can feel a bit intimidated. It can be good to, you know, give them something to distract themselves with.”

“Yeah, that’s really thoughtful.”

Nick could feel himself smiling too broadly again, and he didn’t want to let Charlie see just how much affection was already rising in him, so he moved the conversation on.

“So, do you have an agenda for today or...?”

“I’ve got some talking points, there’s a bit of getting to know each other in case there’s anyone new joining. Oh, and I’ll introduce you if that’s OK? Are you happy to say something – you don’t have to, but like – just maybe why you’re interested in helping or...”

“Of course, yeah – it be a bit weird if I just sat silently lurking in the corner and didn’t introduce myself!”

They chuckled at each other, and Nick tried not to look at Charlie’s mouth for more than a couple of seconds, when he sensed someone at the door.

Charlie turned to greet them. “Oh hi, Tom – in you come.”

“Hey, Charlie.”

A boy of around 15 entered. He was slight, with mousy blonde hair and pale skin. He pulled the cuffs of his blazer down over the tops of his hands gripping them tightly as he glanced up at Nick, a little surprised.

“Oh, this is...” Charlie paused and turned to Nick, “I em, I meant to say the pupils call me by my first name during society meetings, but would you prefer to be Mr Nelson?”

You can call me whatever the fuck you want, Charlie.

“Nick is fine, it’s nice to meet you, Tom.”

One by one, the members filed in and took their places around the table. They took turns introducing themselves. They included a couple of new starters, who had heard about the society and were happy to have a place they hoped to meet like-minded people. Where they could feel safe to be themselves. Once they’d gone round the table, Charlie turned to Nick.

“So, this is Nick – or Mr Nelson while you’re in his French class. He’s just started this week too and has volunteered to help out at the society, em, Nick – would you like to say a few words?”

“Em, thanks, Charlie. So Yeah, I’m Nick. I’m the new head of French and I’m really happy to be of service, however Charlie... that is... I’m really happy to help the society out as much as possible.”

Nick felt a flush rise in his cheeks for a moment. He was in a room full of pupils and he really didn’t mean that to come out quite the way it sounded.

“Em, yeah – so – some background. I realised I was bi around the time I went to uni. I think there were so many factors that meant it took me that bit longer to understand myself. But I definitely think – being a sporty guy and playing rugby, being queer didn’t feel like an option. I spent a lot of my adolescence feeling like I was playing a role. Like I had to suppress certain aspects of my personality and... well I think if my school had, had something like this, maybe with someone who looked a bit like me, showing it was OK... I just... I think representation is important and well, I hope, I can contribute to that in some small way.”

Everyone said their hellos and they set about discussing various talking points. There were plans for fund raisers and potential for setting up links with the local girls’ school Higgs – maybe finding a place where their queer societies could meet – and there were discussions about getting guest speakers to the school. Everyone was tasked with thinking of who they felt would be a good person to provide a talk.

Throughout the session Nick remained fairly quiet. He just sat back and let the young people lead the meeting, with occasional direction from Charlie who offered suggestions and guidance from time to time. He was effortlessly supportive, kind and encouraging and Nick was as hopelessly smitten as ever.

The kids drifted out and said their goodbyes and Nick wordlessly started helping Charlie, rearrange his classroom, ready for the next morning's lesson.

“You know, that was really something today. I mean you... you were great with them.”

“I really didn’t do anything.”

“That’s not true. You kept them on track, but you let them lead the discussion – it was honestly so impressive.”

“Well, thank you, Nick. And I mean, what you said at the start. I... that was...I really liked it.”

“I think I stuttered my way through it a bit, but hopefully they got it.”

“They definitely did.”

Nick felt the time they had together slipping away, and he really didn’t want another week to go by without any contact.

“Um, so Charlie – do you... I mean would ever....just sometime would you... like to get lunch... with me? I mean. It’s OK if you don’t want to... sorry, that was maybe stupid.”

Talk about stuttering my way through it.

“Oh.”

Charlie looked taken aback and Nick suddenly felt silly for suggesting it. Like maybe he was taking advantage of Charlie’s good nature and accepting him to the society,

“I just, sometimes I feel like when I’m eating with the language teachers, I worry they feel like it’s the boss is checking up on them. Which is really just... I mean I’m about 10 years younger than most of them so, I’m kind of worried they hate me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“I mean they’re friendly, but I don’t know. I worry that maybe they wanted the role, and I stole it or something?”

“Oh Nick! No, honestly, no one wanted it.”

This took Nick somewhat aback.

“Oh! Should I be worried? Did the last head of languages disappear in mysterious circumstances or something?”

An infectious grin broke across Charlie’s face.

“Ha, nothing like that. She just retired. But not everyone wants the extra responsibility and admin for not masses more money. The more ambitious teachers in that department have gradually applied for roles in other schools. Since Mrs. Moore was in the role for so long with no plans to move.”

“Oh, OK. Well, that’s good to know.”

Nick looked down. While all that was reassuring, they had rather gone off topic from the matter in hand. He grabbed at the back of his neck, the anticipation he’d been feeling was gradually shifting from excitement to disappointment. Charlie hadn’t said ‘no’, but he very clearly hadn’t said ‘yes.’ His feet felt heavy; he knew he should turn to leave but it was near impossible to actually tear himself away.

His head bowed. “Well, yeah anyway, I em... I should go, I guess.”

“Oh, em Nick, I would like that by the way... to get lunch with you, I mean.”

Nick felt his smile spread before he could school his face into something approaching normal. “Yeah?”

“Actually, Darcy and I usually grab lunch in the canteen on Fridays if you want to join? Most days I just bring my own and enjoy the solitude of my classroom, but Friday is Mac ‘n’ Cheese day, and it’s almost impossible for them to mess that up. We can just meet you there tomorrow?”

Such a simple statement. A friendly invitation to join a couple of lovely folk for lunch shouldn’t have caused such an immediate coursing of disappointment.

But there it was. The implication was so clear.

Charlie had no interest, even within pressure-free environment of the working day, in spending any time, one on one with Nick.

“Sure, that sound good. I’ll eh... I’ll see you both then.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 8: Elephant in the Room

Charlie saw Nick from across the canteen, tray in hand, as he headed toward where he and Darcy were sat.

“Here comes lover boy!”

“Shush, he’ll hear you.”

“Oh, God. Lighten up. I mean, it’s not exactly news to him. I thought you were going to flirt with him anyway?”

“It’s not that easy. I’ve only seen him once this week and anyway, what if he’s horrified? Darcy, listen to me. We haven’t talked about it, and I’m pretty well decided I’ve no plans to. So please - just behave.”

“No promises.”

He managed to hiss out “Darcy!” just before Nick sat down beside them.

“Hi guys.”

Nick had a pleasing pink across his cheeks and Charlie felt his body respond, like it always did in his presence. A humming of electricity up and down his arms, his heart clenching, stomach fluttering.

“Hi.”

For a moment he forgot his promise of composure and allowed his eyes to linger on Nick’s. He wasn’t sure how long the contact lasted exactly, but he was drawn out of it by a loud clearing of the throat by a very amused Darcy.

“So, Nick. How have you found your first week at Truham?” Darcy speared a piece of pasta with their fork and held it aloft, waiting for Nick to answer.

“Oh, em, yeah it’s good. Kind of weird starting somewhere new. I was at the same school since I graduated, so I guess I’m just getting to grips with how everything works, but it’s been mainly positive. I’m hoping to talk to the rugby coach next week. I might try and help out with that a bit.”

“Well, aren’t you brimming over with school spirit?! Queer soc, rugby club - quite the joiner. Charlie said you were... eager to please.”

“Darcy!” Charlie whisper-shouted at his friend, wondering why the canteen benches weren’t equipped with ejector seats.

“Oh Charlie, for God’s sake. It’s about time you faced the elephant in the room, no?”

“Nick. I’m sorry – they’re a menace. Honestly.”

“And from what you said at the time... elephant is a pretty accurate description!”

“OK - that’s enough. Nick, I wouldn’t, I didn’t, I mean... I...”

Nick, if possible, had turned an even deeper shade of pink, but to Charlie’s great relief he seemed amused rather than offended. “Charlie, it’s fine. We probably should at least acknowledge... I mean, it’s a little awkward - just acting like nothing ever happened.”

“OK, but I didn’t say anything about...”

Charlie’s eyes dropped down to below table level, where Nick was sat, and he almost immediately regretted it. Shit! I’m actively making this worse.

Darcy, it appeared, hadn’t yet finished, “I mean, it was heavily implied when we met for brunch the next day and you...”

Charlie placed his hand over Darcy’s mouth in a desperate attempt to silence them. He wasn’t exactly sure what 21-year-old Charlie said the day after the best sex of his life, but finding out in the middle of the school canteen five years later, with the man who provided it, was far from ideal.

Darcy held their hands up in surrender, and Charlie tentatively removed his from their mouth.

“OK, OK – I’ll stop. Anyway, I think my work here is done. I’ve just spotted Linda – I need to catch her about permission slips for the year 11 theatre trip. Later, bitches!”

With that, they picked up their tray and departed. Nick and Charlie were left alone at the table. It should have felt immensely awkward, but in truth, it was a relief.

“You know, I’m sorry about them. Darcy has a tendency to cause chaos and then evaporate – I em – I hope they didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

“Charlie, honestly, I’m glad they brought it up. Like, it feels kind of weird that we haven’t even mentioned that night. I mean, I get it was a long time ago, but it was...”

Magical? Amazing? The best night of your life? Everything you’d hoped but didn’t realise sex could be?

“I mean, it was a lot. We should talk about it.”

A lot. The vaguest phrase on earth. That could mean almost anything.

“Yeah, you’re right. So, well, first of all, I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologising for?”

“I mean, I just left. I should have... like, I regret not at least saying goodbye but...”

“You were honest with me from the start Charlie. I knew what it was.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have just slipped out. It felt....”Like we had a connection so strong it could withstand anything.

Charlie paused long enough to engage his filter. “It felt wrong to leave like that, but you looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to wake you just to say goodbye. I didn’t... I should have though. I regret it.”

“Well, thank you, for saying that. I em, I was sorry to wake up without you, but I was never angry about it.”

“So, you think we can just put that all behind us and try and be friends?”

Nick’s eyebrow twitched almost imperceptibly, his face betraying some errant thought.

“Yeah, of course, Charlie. I’d like it if we could be friends.”

🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂

In general, Charlie tended to keep home and work as separate as possible. Of course, there were occasions when he’d had enough of the clammy environment of the classroom and he stuffed his marking into his rucksack to deal with at his kitchen table. But where possible, he preferred to leave work at work and allow his house to be a little sanctuary away from all the stresses of the day.

So, it wasn’t unusual for him to stay behind long after lessons had ended and the final school bell had rung, sifting through a pile of tests or refining any lesson plans that were required for the upcoming days.

The week following Nick joining (otherwise known as the second week of term), the September air was unseasonably warm. His classroom was thick with the somewhat pungent aroma of Lynx Africa and eau du teenager, so he wandered over to his window in an attempt air it as much as possible. The windows were restricted for safety so he only managed to slide them up a few inches, but he hoped it would be enough to create a sufficient draft to dissipate the lingering stench of sweat and unwashed socks.

He set about making his way through a stack of assignments as he heard distant shouts, cheers and the occasional whistle. Tuesday was rugby practice at Truham, and the wave of voices carried on the air provided a soundtrack to his marking, but it wasn’t too disturbing as he continued to make his way through the pile. Eventually, work complete for the evening, he headed to the window to close it up, ready to leave for the night.

The playing fields below were filled with school boys, clearing cones and making their way to the changing rooms, giving each other the occasional shove and laughing raucously.

Then he saw him.

Arms folded across his broad chest, deep in conversation with Coach Singh.

Charlie really hadn’t been prepared for the sight of Nick Nelson in a pair of tiny rugby shorts and an oversized hoodie, and before he could make any sort of conscious decision he found himself speed walking (practically running) down the hallway to the stairwell, in time to then leisurely stroll in the direction of the pitches.

Nick stopped in his tracks when he saw him approach, and Charlie wandered over, trying desperately to retain a casual air about him.

“So, you em, decided to help out?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“That’s great!”

“Thanks, I’ll be assistant coach. I can fill in if Coach Singh is ever off. Or you know, when we need to separate the forwards from the backs to talk about binding techniques in scums or something. It can be useful to have a second pair of hands.”

“Right, I definitely understood everything you just said.”

Nick breathed out a very soft chuckle.

“Anyway, what are you still doing here?”

“Oh, I just had some marking, and I decided to stay behind rather than cart it all home with me.”

“That makes sense.”

“I, em, saw you out the window and, well, I thought I should say hi. So...hi”

“Well, hi.”

“Hi.”

“You said that already.”

They both laughed a little breathily, and Charlie felt the bubble of attraction stirring in him again. He was torn between a multitude of conflicting thoughts. His friend's advice to flirt, his desire to remain professional (especially if that was Nick’s preference). His deep need to protect his already somewhat battered heart, and his utterly horny brain reminding him of Nick’s starring role in his most filthy imaginings.

After a few moments, he was brought back to his senses. “You OK, Charlie – you just kind of spaced out there for a moment?”

“Right -sorry – I em... yeah. Anyway, I better head, but I’ll see you on Thursday, still?”

“Oh, yeah of course. I wouldn’t miss it – but em, Charlie are you headed to the car park? We’re going the same way, no? I'll walk with you?”

“Oh, right, sorry. Of course, silly me.”

God, smooth Charlie. Say something.

“I em, I like your shorts.”

Not that. Fuck.

Nick coughed out a little titter and raised his eyebrow, turning to him while they walked towards their cars.

“Is that so?”

“I mean, Jesus, sorry – they look – like good for sport – practical. You know, for... lunging or whatever.”

“You been watching me squatting from the window, Spring?”

“Oh God, I’m so sorry – I don’t even know what I’m saying at this point.”

“Ha! It’s fine – honestly - it’s usually me being a total bumbling bisexual disaster! It’s nice to be on the receiving end of things for a change.”

Charlie’s horny brain decided to push to the forefront at that comment, and he smirked directly at him, “Oh really, Nelson? Good to know.”

“No- I didn’t mean – not that – fuck I mean, I do, it is... Jesus I wasn’t suggesting...”

“And somehow, it feels like order has been restored to the universe.”

“You really are a little shit Charlie, do you know that?”

Nick playfully nudged him with his shoulder, and the tiny contact was entirely too thrilling.

They proceeded to make their way toward their cars, silently walking in step, both barely concealing their respective grins. “Well.. This is me.” Charlie leaned back against the door of his Ford Focus, attempting to not show the disappointment he felt that their interaction was already drawing to a close.

“OK - I’m just – over there.”

“Well, em, bye then.”

“Yeah, bye...”

Nick headed off to his car and Charlie turned. He wasn’t sure whether to let out a little squeal at the hint of flirtation that had begun or bang his head off the roof of his car in frustration at the fact that it had all ended too soon.

Then he felt Nick back at his side.

“Em, Charlie – I was wondering – maybe it might be a good idea, I mean – what with the society and everything, that is – could I maybe have your number?”

Progress.

“Oh - well...”

“I mean, if I’m running late or in case there’s a problem it might be good to be able to get in touch?”

“Yeah, for the society.” Charlie voice was dripping in mirth, and he couldn’t help but raise his eyebrow and stare suggestively, as he replied.

Nick smiled at him and looked down bashfully.

“You know if you want my number Nick – you could just ask – it doesn’t have to be for the society.”

Nick’s cheeks pinked up before his eyes,

“I mean, we did say we were going to be friends, right?”

“Yeah - I suppose we did. Well Charlie – can I have your number?”

🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂

Nick: Hi Charlie, just texting so you’ve got mine too.

Nick: Number that is.

Nick: This is Nick by the way.

Nick: Nick Nelson.

Nick: Obviously.

Nick: Shit I’m now at 6 messages. I did mention the disaster thing before, right?

Charlie had just stepped out of a steaming hot shower before bed, where he may or may not have imagined Nick follow through on the inference that he wouldn’t mind being on the receiving end of Charlie’s attention sometime (hint, he definitely did). When he opened his phone to a series of adorable messages. His heart fluttered and he didn’t even make it to his bedroom before he started to formulate his reply.

Charlie: Nick Nelson? The new French teacher? Yes, I remember you now...

Nick: Charlie!

Charlie: Ha! Sorry but you’re the one who said I was a little shit. I wouldn’t want to disappoint.

Nick: I highly doubt you’d ever do that.

Remain calm – it's just a little mild flirting – you just need to reciprocate.

He made it to his room and sat on his bed, still just wrapped in a towel, chewing on his lip while he weighed up what to say next.

Charlie: I have received the odd positive feedback review

Nick: I think I’ve given you a positive feedback review...

Fuck. Where was this headed?

This all felt suddenly very real, and Charlie could feel a spiral start to take hold. The last time they met everything had been so clear cut and simple. No ties, no consequences, just attraction, lust and mind-blowing sex. Now, they were colleagues, with a growing network of connections, and while they might not be in the same department, there was the society to think of.

Frankly, and perhaps more importantly, he wasn’t the same person he was 5 years ago. When he’d met Nick before, he was just finishing up with university. He’d had a few boyfriends and hook ups but no one he’d ever honestly thought he’d build a future with. At 21 this didn’t remotely bother him.

Since then, he knew what it meant to be betrayed by someone he’d really given his heart to.

Others might judge him for being jaded by relationships in his mid-twenties, but he’d truly believed that Robert was someone he could trust. Risking getting hurt again was so dangerous. The implication that Nick was still interested should have been exciting. It was exciting, but fear started rising in him unbidden. He felt skittish. One moment encouraging Nick to flirt, leaning into it himself, the next on the verge of bolting.

He typed and re-typed his reply too many times:

Charlie: Nick, maybe we should take this slow...

Charlie: I’m not sure it’s a good idea to start something, with someone I work wi...

Charlie: I’ve been hurt in the past and...

Charlie: I’m just out of a relationship, I don’t want to rush...

Charlie: I’m not looking for anything serious...

Charlie: You’re really hot Nick, but I think I need to keep this casual if we start...

Fuck Charlie threw his phone across the room in frustration as it lit up with another message from Nick.

Nick: Sorry, if I’ve overstepped. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.

Nick’s reply was calming, there was no pressure and maybe it was OK if he the needed to pump the breaks while he worked out what the hell he actually wanted. Or, more accurately, what he was willing to risk.

Charlie: You really didn’t Nick. I just think with working together we need to be careful. Things could get messy.

Nick: As the actress said to the bishop.

Charlie: Nick!

Nick: Ha! Sorry it was an open goal. Look I understand, we said friends, let’s try that. I can’t promise I won’t occasionally flirt with you, but I’m sure you’ll keep me in check. 😉

Charlie: You’re incorrigible.

Nick: That was perfectly innocent Charlie.

Charlie: Uhuh.

Nick: OK, OK, I’ll see you at work, friend and colleague.

Charlie: Yes, see you soon, work associate and pal.

Nick: Night Charlie x

Charlie: Night Nick x

Chapter Text

Sharing

Charlie’s Perspective

“Oh, for Fuck’s sake!”

Charlie and Nick were headed toward the car park after another successful Queer Soc meeting the following Thursday. Nick had been a little more vocal this time and suggested that they should consider researching queer representation in different walks of life, such as sport or politics. With the added option to consider how this was portrayed in the media and how this had changed over time.

Charlie had looked over at him with a genuine pride, and it didn’t escape his notice when Nick’s face had beamed back. The look of satisfaction was clear to read, seemingly caused by Charlie’s positive attention. Charlie tried to pretend he didn’t notice, but he failed miserably. The two men were left smiling coyly at each other until Charlie was reminded of a room full of pupils, and they returned to the task in hand.

His mood had been buoyant as they left school together, but as Charlie neared his parking space, he clenched his fists in frustration.

“What?”

“Ugh, Robert – my ex. He’s actually at my car now. This is getting beyond a joke.”

“Oh, God. Hey, do you want to hang back, wait till he leaves? Or, I can tell him to get lost if you want?”

“I... Jesus, I thought he’d given up. He showed up at my house a couple of weeks ago, but I haven’t heard from him since. Honestly, what does he not understand about you were shagging someone else – I’m no longer interested? It’s not complicated.”

“What a dick! I’ll put the frighteners on him if you like, Charlie?”

“Because you’re such a violent thug...”

“Listen, it might not be my natural state, but I can be intimidating when I need to be.”

Nick puffed out his chest and stood a little taller. Intimidating wasn’t the word that came to Charlie’s mind, sexy as all hell... now that had more of a ring to it.

“It’s fine – I’d rather deal with it myself. Maybe you could just be nearby, in case.”

“I’ll be right behind you if you need me.”

Charlie steeled himself and walked toward Robert. Ready to have the same conversation he’d had too many times already.

“Showing up at my work now? What are you doing here?”

“Charlie - look - I’ve given you space. Like you said. You said don't call, stop texting, don’t show up at your house – I've done all of it – everything you’ve asked of me. So, I figure now it’s time, you do something for me?”

“Are you actually deranged?”

“What? It’s true! It’s been like more than two weeks since I tried any type of contact – don't you think the least you could do is listen to me now?”

“Robert, I wasn’t asking you stop getting in touch as penance. It’s not like I’ve put you in detention and now that you’re out we can work through it. We broke up. I’m asking you to leave me alone because you can have no business speaking to me anymore.”

“Charlie, come on.”

“You were balls deep in your neighbour, Robert. What possible explanation can you have for that?”

“That was just a misunderstanding.”

“A misunder... I’m sorry what? I actually want to hear this now – because I’m really struggling to think of what possible explanation you could concoct to justify this.”

“Charlie, it was just sex! Just bits of flesh rubbing up against each other because it felt good. It’s not like what you and I have.”

“Had. Get your tenses right.”

“Come on, Charlie. You know no one is going to love you like I did.”

Charlie could see Nick’s shadow move a little closer at this. But he motioned for him to stay put, with a slight movement of his hand.

“I see you’ve brought a guard dog.”

“Fuck you, Robert! We were supposed to be in an exclusive relationship, that meant something to me.”

“Why are you such a prude, Charlie? You could have just joined in, and we’ve had had a pretty nice time if you ask me!”

“Jesus H Christ. What pornhub fantasy land are you living in?”

“Plenty of people have threesomes, Charlie.”

“Plenty of people discuss them before hand and agree boundaries and talk through preferences and discuss consent. They don’t walk in on their boyfriend who had never even mooted being open before, ploughing some other guy and think – this looks fun, I’ll have a go too. Jesus!”

“So... if I’d have just asked...”

Rage boiled in Charlie as Robert spectacularly missed his point, yet again. His voice was loud and firm in response.

“You’ll never fucking know, Robert! Because that’s none of your business anymore. I’m done, we’re done – you need to leave, and if you turn up at my house or my work again, then I’ll get the police involved. Or I’ll set my guard dog on you, one of the two.”

He flicked a glance over his shoulder in Nick’s direction, and he was at his side in moments. Chest heaving, jaw clenched, arms crossed against his broad chest, glaring at Robert like he’d happily rip him limb from limb. Robert looked at Nick and had the good sense to drop his eye-line.

He stalked off toward the gates before he called back, “Give me a shout when your gym bro gets tired of you.”

Charlie grabbed Nick by the wrist as he made a start toward him. “Don’t.”

“But Charlie – he...”

“Don't. You’re two weeks into your new job. I don’t want you getting into a fight for me.”

Their eyes met and then fell to where Charlie still has a firm grip of Nick’s bare wrist. Charlie dropped it swiftly and placed his hands in his trouser pockets.

“I wasn’t going to hit him, I just might have given him a piece of my mind while showing him how easily I can lift 12 stone, clean off the ground.”

“I mean, I’m not going to lie, I think I would pay good money to see that.”

“Oh, would you now?!”

Charlie shoved him gently on the shoulder, and Nick moved to stand beside him and gave him a little hip check. “What? It's good to know.”

Charlie shook his head. “But seriously, I wanted to handle it myself.”

“Yeah, and you did Charlie. That was... I mean it was hot as fuck, I’m not going to lie.”

“Nick!”

“What? It was!” Nick’s voice is light and playful. “Sorry, I know, I know that we... I mean that you don’t... That is, I know that we said we’d keep things friendly, but fuck me, Charlie. I’m only flesh and blood and that was unbelievably hot.”

They stared at each other for a beat or two, too long, and Charlie very nearly forgot all the reasons he had for drawing such a firm line in the sand, but as Nick stepped forward, marginally, into his space he suddenly felt utterly overwhelmed by his attraction. It was a swift reminder of just how much power Nick held over him and he stepped back, his eyes darting down.

He rifled around his pocket seeking out his keys.

“Well, I better head off.” He pointed his thumb to his car behind him, and Nick motioned in the opposite direction. “Yeah, I’m this way so...”

“OK, well, I’ll see you at lunch tomorrow?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

“OK, well...bye.”

“Yeah...bye.”

🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂

Nick: Hey Charlie – how are you?

Nick: After today I mean.

Nick: I realised I was too impressed by how well you handled it. I should have checked in that you were doing OK?

Charlie: I’m really fine. But thanks for checking.

Nick: ....

Nick:...

Nick:....

The typing bubbles kept appearing and disappearing before his eyes and it truthfully made him more anxious than his earlier encounter with Robert.

Charlie: Nick – what is it? You’re kind of freaking me out with all these unsent thoughts.

Nick:🎤

Nick: “Charlie - I know you said you’re fine and I do believe you. You handled yourself so well, like I already told you how impressed I am. But it’s OK, if on reflection you feel... a little emotionally drained by it all. He was someone you trusted, and he treated you like shit and worse, or maybe not worse, but on top of that, he’s refusing to accept your repeated ‘no’. And making out like you’re in the wrong for not just forgiving him.

Look, I’ve been where you are. I mean, not exactly the same, but my ex – Amy – she cheated on me with a co-worker after 2 years together, and it fucking hurts. There’s no way round it. And I just wanted to let you know that I am your friend. Or at least I hope I’m getting to be, and I care about you, and if you ever want to talk – I’m here.”

Charlie listened to the message three times, letting Nick’s words and his rich voice soothe him before he became aware he was probably looking for a reply. He picked up his phone and hit the little microphone symbol.

Charlie: “Nick, thank you so much for saying all that and, I mean, for sharing that with me. I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s shit. I just, I just... think you deserve so much more.

I know that.... Jesus, why is this so hard to say.... The truth is I know that sometimes I can try and brush off how I’m feeling. Pretend I’m fine when I’m not, pretend like everything is OK when it’s really the opposite but honestly, I’m so over feeling bad about him.

I do know I don’t deserve that treatment – I know I’m worth more, but thank you. Your friendship means a lot.”

He released the record button and let his finger hover. There was more to say, more he wanted to share. More he felt that in some way Nick deserved to know. That he might realise he’s worth more, but the truth was he felt like that was never going to happen for him. That he was scared to trust again, that the real reason he’d put a pause on their flirting the other night was he was absolutely terrified. Terrified, that if he attempted something real with Nick, that he’d cause him more pain than any previous failed relationship or disappointing hook up ever had.

Chapter Text

Chapter: Shifted

Nick’s Perspective

Nick felt like he was walking a tightrope. His interactions with Charlie recently had left him unsettled and unsure. There were undoubtedly occasions Charlie appeared to return Nick’s attraction, to enjoy the flirting and mounting tension that Nick could feel building.

But then he’d retreat and leave Nick floundering.

His explanation was reasonable, of course it was. Plenty of people have pretty strict boundaries about not getting involved with colleagues. “Don’t shit where you eat” and all that. In any case, Charlie didn’t even owe him an explanation. ‘No’ was a complete sentence.

Nick should respect that.

But then.... Charlie would giggle at him, in that musical way that he did; eyes bright, face radiant. His dimples would pop, and their gaze would linger for a beat longer than felt strictly platonic. Nick knows he hasn’t imagined it; Charlie had taken the lead in their flirting initially, in that confident sexy way he had years before. But when Nick responded in kind, he’d run away scared.

Nick felt sure that he wasn’t being told the whole story. That something else was holding back this beautiful man. That this man who was occupying far too much of his available brain power was, in fact, keeping his walls up for another reason.

Lunch the next day did nothing to clarify matters. Darcy was deep in conversation with their colleagues in the drama department, and so it was just the two of them. At first Charlie had lit up when Nick approached, beaming up at him, a grin splitting his face. They’d chatted naturally about their plans for the evening, (Nick: some marking, some wine and whatever re-run comedy panel show Dave happened to be showing that evening. Charlie: starting a new book, a takeaway and a video call with his sister who was currently living in the states.)

Nick had ribbed Charlie for being a ‘proper little nerd’ when he divulged his reading material was Humble Pi, a vaguely comic, popular maths book, and Charlie had pouted and batted him playfully on the arm. He referred to him teasingly as “rugby lad” in a way that made Nick’s tummy flip. But when he responded, bumping him gently with his own shoulder as they sat side by side, after a moment of warm and glorious eye contact, he saw Charlie stiffen suddenly.

A barrier had dropped behind his eyes, and he coughed awkwardly, increasing the space between them as if to say – ‘this far but no further.’ So, Nick had retreated and changed topics. He asked whether Charlie had made plans for the October half term, and if Truham ever held staff parties at Christmas. And they talked and ‘made nice’ for the rest of lunch.

At the next society catch up, Nick brought cupcakes and once all the pupils had departed, the two of them sat at the end of his desk, legs dangling like they were younger versions of themselves as they shared in his home baking.

Charlie had moaned sinfully as the tart lemon curd flavour filled his mouth, and Nick had to grip the edge of the table, trying desperately to forget what he’d previously imagined happening at this very desk. He turned to Charlie, whose nose was now sporting a perfect dollop of icing and without thinking, he reached over to wipe it away with his thumb, before sucking it into his mouth.

It wasn’t meant to be a move.

Not a conscious one at least, but Charlie’s cheeks flared and his eyes darted to Nick’s mouth. He wondered if whatever was holding Charlie back was about to crack. But then, again, Charlie jumped to his feet and started packing away his things, the moment well and truly broken, and Nick withdrew once more, to pleasantries and platitudes.

The next week at lunch, Nick found Charlie and Darcy deep in a whispered debate that stopped abruptly the moment he approached. He felt more than a little suspicious that he’d been the topic of conversation.

“Hi guys.”

“Oh, hi Nick,” Darcy said in an unconvincingly innocent voice.

“What did I miss?”

“I was just admiring Charlie’s hands.”

“What?”

“Cause, I’ve got these really weird stubby fingers, but his are like super long and you know kind of slender – elegant even.”

Nick looked down at Charlie’s hands, and he had to agree they were something special, but he was more convinced than ever that he had indeed been the topic of conversation, only moments before.

“And you were just discussing this at lunch time?”

“That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.”

“Fair enough.” Whatever they were saying, it was between Charlie and Darcy, and maybe it was best he steered the conversation in another direction. “So, you up to anything nice this weekend?”

“Tara’s got tickets for a contemporary dance show on Saturday, so we’re going to head to that.”

Charlie, who’d been uncharacteristically quiet, hummed a bit, “Mmm, nothing much. I’ll probably go for a run and catch up on some reading.”

Darcy looked like they’d taken personal offence to Charlie’s weekend plans, “No, that can’t be it! A run and read - when did you get so old, Charlie?”

“I happen to really enjoy running and reading thank you very much. They're two of my favourite hobbies.”

“And that’s fine – but there has to be something a little more exciting. Back me up here, Nick.”

“I mean, I’m no better. I’ll probably have a take away one night. And maybe be forced to watch an impenetrably complex film by my best friend, all while trying to secretly scroll on my phone.”

“Alright, alright, this won’t do. Right new plan – you boys, me and Tara, at the pub – pints tonight – what do you say?”

The prospect of time outside of a work environment with this beautiful human was undoubtedly appealing, but the ball felt very firmly in Charlie’s court.

He glanced in his direction, hoping for some indication that he was also keen on the idea. Charlie appeared to be trying to dissolve Darcy’s head using only the power of his eyes, but his demeanor changed quickly, when he noticed Nick’s attention on him.

“What do you think, Charlie? I’m game if you are.”

“Yeah, OK Nick. Sounds like a plan.”

Darcy squeaked a bit too gleefully for just arranging a night at a local boozer, but it was hard not to admire their enthusiasm.

🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂

Nick scanned the tables at The King’s Arms when he walked in. When he’d got home from work, he’d inhaled a bacon sandwich, headed for a shower and changed his outfit three or four times before landing on a pair of tight fitting, dark blue jeans and a maroon polo shirt with white collar. The sleeves cut tightly just at the midpoint of his bicep, and the material stretched across his broad shoulders. He had a fair idea of what he was doing when he put it on. He wanted to seem casual; this was definitely an outfit he could wear to the pub, and no one would blink an eye.

If you weren’t interested, that was.

If you were... you would notice the way the cuff clung tightly to his arms, the way the outline of his pecs was visible through the soft material, the way his broad back filled out every inch of cloth. It wasn’t as in your face as the rejected skintight white t-shirt or the sleeveless khaki vest now adorning his floor that he’d considered in a moment of unbridled confidence, but this would still serve its purpose.

It was sexy in an understated way, or at least that's what he hoped. Charlie was still presenting him with a mysterious box of mixed signals. He seemed to enjoy flirting with him, there were times when the mutual attraction was unmistakable. But he always very firmly had pulled back whenever things started to feel more intense. Nick wasn’t beyond getting out the big guns (otherwise known as his biceps) to put Charlie’s resolve under a little more pressure.

Maybe being colleagues did make things a little more complicated, but they wouldn’t be the first or last teachers in a school to find romance together. It’s not as though there was any managerial relationship. They didn’t even teach the same subject. Maybe he just needed a little incentive...

Nick spotted Charlie and Darcy, alongside another woman he didn’t recognise, with shining dark brown skin and thick box braids adorned with gold rings and charms. Darcy planted a kiss on her bare shoulder and Nick inferred that this must be their partner, Tara.

He set off toward their table, and Charlie looked up just at that moment. The genuine warmth of his smile and the way his dark blue eyes sparkled at Nick left him momentarily breathless. He’d no interest in hiding his natural response. So, he grinned back and waved across the short distance.

Everyone stood to greet him as he reached the table, and he shook Tara’s hand when they were introduced.

“Can I get a round in?”

He headed to the bar with the order, and as the drinks were lined up on the counter, Charlie sidled in beside him.

“I thought you could use a hand. To carry everything I mean?”

“Thanks, Charlie.”

They stood close, and while the pub was relatively crowded, it was not so busy that it was strictly necessary. Still, their shoulders bumped and their arms brushed up against each other, and Nick was delighted by the proximity.

He paused for a moment to take Charlie in. He looked different from his formal teacher vibe at school - all open neck shirts and cosy cardigans. He was more youthful in this surrounding, with ripped blue skinny jeans and a tight-fitting pink t-shirt. It barely kissed his waistband, and as he leaned over the bar it rode up to reveal a perfect sliver of skin on his back.

Charlie looked up at him from this position, and it felt like a test. As though he was actively trying to elicit a reaction. Nick felt a little like he had whiplash from Charlie’s sudden change in attitude.

He wasn’t sure what would constitute a passing grade, but perhaps it was time to let his guard down a little more too. He let his eyes trail down Charlie’s body, lingering on that exposed strip of skin, then briefly lower still, to his perfect, cute behind.

If Charlie had stopped being subtle, then he no longer had a reason to be.

“I em, like your jeans.”

“Is that what you’re looking at?”

Charlie straightened up and stood facing him. Their chests were only a few inches apart.

“Yeah, they em, fit you really well.”

“Is that so?”

“Uhuh. Not sure how practical they are for.... lunges though.”

“Touché . So, you just wanted to check how they fitted?”

“What other reason could I possibly have, Charlie?” Nick’s voice was soft, practically a purr in reply.

“That’ll be £17.50, mate.”

The barman’s interruption startled Nick out of his fuzzy flirtatious haze, and he tapped the extended machine with his card.

“Cheers, mate.”

Charlie let out a soft chuckle.

“What?”

“Nothing, you just... nothing.”

“What?!”

“Just the voice - the bar man voice - the ‘cheers mate’ - it’s... I don’t know, it was like a little switch.”

“Charlie, if you think I’m going to compliment the 50 year old barman on his choice of jeans, speak to him the way I speak to you, look at him the way I look at you...”

Charlie pinked up at this, and Nick knew he had him flustered. He wet his lips and briefly dropped his sightline to Charlie’s, but then picked up his and Darcy’s pints and headed back to the table, not waiting for a response.

They sat perpendicular to each other, and Nick could feel a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. Whatever Charlie’s previous reticence, Nick was now more certain than ever there was still something between them. Something that just maybe Charlie was now ready to explore.

He simply needed to let their natural chemistry work its magic.

“Ok, Ok, settle an argument for us.” Darcy’s voice was light with mirth as they happily held court.

“Would you rather have a mouth full of bees or one bee in your butt?”

“What?!” Nick choked a little on his pint.

“What - it’s a good question?” Darcy blurted out, giggling.

“Who’s picking the mouth?!” Nick looked on, confused.

“See!” Tara gently hit Darcy on their arm, and they giggled out, “Well, I just thought...your arse is really sensitive right? And at least in your mouth they’d have room to like move. So maybe they wouldn't be so angry. I don’t know.”

Nick was incredulous, “Yeah, but a mouthful a mouth full of bees! You’d choke – you could have anaphylaxis, compared to only one! I mean it wouldn’t be able to like fly around in there. That’s insane. In my arse, all day long!”

He turned to a spluttering sound as beer flew out of Charlie’s nostrils at this comment, and the group descended into hysterics.

Darcy patted him on his shoulder. “Nick, you can stay. We’re going to keep you, I’ve decided.”

Nick felt his cheeks burn, but he still chuckled as he glanced sideways at Charlie, who was slowly letting his giggle dissipate.

Their evening continued with easy conversation, the usual filling in the blanks of each other’s stories and backgrounds; discussions about hobbies and work. Darcy talked about their role in the drama department, and Tara explained about how she was working on opening her own dance studio. Charlie spoke about trying to make maths more approachable and practical for students, and Nick talked about his plans to find a flat to rent soon and asked advice on the various areas of town.

He was having fun, he really was, but he was also acutely aware of the position where his arm rested on the small round table. Where Charlie’s sat just inches from it, the gap gradually decreasing, aching millimetre by millimetre.

At one point he stretched his legs under the table and his knee made contact with Charlie’s thigh. He considered withdrawing, but instead he waited. Charlie didn’t move, so neither did he. He pressed in, with just a little more intention, and his movement was met in kind, so that their legs were firmly rested against each other.

Darcy headed to bar with Tara, so they could pick up the next round.

Charlie turned to him. “So, you having fun, Mr Nelson?”

“Charlie!”

“What?”

“You know what you’re doing.”

“It’s a simple question.” But his eyes were teasing, and he raised a thick eyebrow in response.

Nick reached over to where Charlie’s forearm rested on the table. He didn’t over think it. He just placed his hand over it and circled his middle finger on the delicate skin of Charlie’s wrist.

“Yes, Mr Spring. I’m having fun. Thanks for inviting me.”

Charlie swallowed thickly, his jaw tight as Nick tried to stop himself from simply leaning forward and pressing their lips together, surrounded by everyone. Charlie didn’t drop eye contact, for even a moment.

“You know, I could get a complex though...”

“Oh, why would that be?”

“Well... I don’t like to fish but, I was very kind about your jeans...”

“You look hot as fuck, Nick, and you’re well aware of it.”

Nick leant forward at this, conspiratorially, and Charlie’s movement mirrored his. Their faces were so close he could feel Charlie’s breath on his cheek. “You had me worried there for a bit. I thought you didn’t like me anymore.”

“I just said you were hot, Nick. That doesn’t mean anything is going to happen.”

“Uhuh.”

Charlie smiled at him and moved his hand so that their fingers teased at each other, flexing and folding into the other. It felt so natural, like before. The air thick with their shared attraction, defences lowered with their inhibitions.

“I mean, flirting is one thing, but we’re colleagues. It’s a bit more complicated these days. It could get messy, like I said.”

Nick fully stared at Charlie’s sweet lips as he spoke and was so close he could almost nuzzle him as he practically whispered back. “Yeah, I mean, we wouldn’t want things to get messy, would we Charlie?”

“Christ, Nick!”

“What?”

Charlie took a deep, stuttering breath. “You’re not good for my self control.”

Nick raised an eyebrow in return. “Do you want me to stop?”

They both heard Tara and Darcy approach laughing, and they sprung back in fright. Suddenly sitting somewhat stiffly, the tension well and truly shattered.

Tara started up the conversation again, “So Nick, tell me – you were at uni at Leeds, but where did you grow up?”

“Tad, I mean Tadcaster – it's just outside Leeds really, so I didn’t travel far.”

Charlie looked over a little puzzled. “I didn’t realise you were from t’North,” he said, in what was an adorable, if potentially slightly offensive attempt at something vaguely resembling a Yorkshire drawl.

“You’ve not exactly got the accent?”

“Oh well, I didn’t actually move there till I was about 6. I’m from Kent originally and my mum is also from the South East. My dad’s French so I guess, when I speak English, I sound kind of like my mum, more or less.”

“Still, 6 is pretty young – you’d think you’d have picked it up?” Charlie’s leg had slipped next to his again, as they settled back together, following their earlier jolt.

“I think I heard once that it helps if you’re musical, to pick up accents, and well, let's just say I’ll save you from my karaoke.”

“So how come you moved away from Kent in the first place?” Tara’s voice was open and interested but Nick felt his chest tighten. He didn’t mind speaking about it really, but the night has been so fun and light, he didn’t much feel like bringing the mood down with his tales of woe, and his absent father.

“Ach, I think my parents wanted a fresh start. Not to put too fine a point on it, it was either move or get a divorce, and they picked move. But I mean it was just delaying the inevitable. So, they still ended up separating a few years after that. Dad headed back to France, and we were still in Tad. By that time my brother and I were pretty settled in school, and I don’t think mum wanted to cause us any more upheaval, so we stayed but yeah... She moved home a few years ago, and well I guess I followed.”

“That sounds tough.” Tara’s voice was kind without a hint of condescension, and he felt like they could be forming a genuine friendship.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring the mood down. We can talk more about our bee preferences. I feel that was more Friday night pub chat.”

Charlie reached for Nick’s knee under the table. “Hey, we asked. Don’t worry about it.” He squeezed his leg and didn’t move his hand, so Nick simply rested his own on top. “Just please don’t encourage Darcy with their insect/orifice chat!”

Darcy took this as a challenge. “Alright, alright – but have you considered whether you’d rather find a spider in your bed or in your shoe? No orifices or insects – we're sticking purely to arachnids from here on out.”

Just like that they were all laughing again and the evening continued with playful teasing and light-hearted chat but neither man moved their hands from Nick’s thigh and their glances were brimming with the knowledge that something had shifted between them.

Charlie’s Perspective

That wasn’t how the night was supposed to go.

He’d been adamant at lunch with Darcy before Nick showed up all sunshine and biceps that they’d reached a friendly understanding. He’d given flirting a go, but when it came down to it, they’d decided that, really, they should keep things simple and friendly.

He didn’t need the complications. The fact that Nick was also on his way out of an unpleasant break up meant they were probably both a bit of a mess right now, and in no position to start something new.

Darcy had called bullshit, left right and centre, but they didn’t have the opportunity to finish their diatribe when Nick had appeared. And within a few short moments, Nick was looking at him expectantly, with those big brown eyes, and Charlie had agreed to the pub trip.

Darcy hadn’t let up when he ventured round to their flat for pizza and pre-drinks either. The buzz of the alcohol along with the encouragement of both of his friends started to deconstruct some of the hastily built defences that he’d been erecting in the preceding weeks.

“I don’t get it, Charlie. You were despondent when you thought he wasn’t into you anymore, and now that he seems to be, you’re all ‘let’s be friends.’ What’s the poor boy going to think?”

“I’m allowed to change my mind.”

Tara put an arm round him. “Of course you are, Charlie. We know that. It’s just... have you? I mean really – have you actually changed your mind? Do you really not want something to happen anymore?”

Charlie let out a strangled whine at this and flung his head back against the soft cushion of the sofa.

“I just, God! I’m scared OK!”

Tara’s hand rested gently on his knee.

“OK, tell us, what are you scared of love?”

“Like, every relationship I’ve ever had has failed! The one time I really started to trust someone – they end up – well you know what an utter wank stain he ended up being. And I don’t think I can take that. Being treated like that again.”

Tara closed her arms around him in a soft hug. “Oh, Charlie. That makes sense, you’ve been hurt. It’s hard to put yourself out there.”

“Listen, Charlie – no one is suggesting you marry the guy! Just play with him, have fun, you already know you’re good in bed together.” Darcy topped up Charlie’s glass as they spoke, and he took another swig.

“No, I know but...”

“Charlie, most people who are allo and single don’t have a successful dating history – right? I mean, their pasts all include ‘failed relationships’ or they wouldn’t be single? I mean unless they literally haven’t been with anyone, or I don’t know, are all healthy and well-adjusted and consider all past relationship a ‘learning experience.’”

Charlie snorted at that, and the humour lightened the mood somewhat.

“I mean, I take your point, but I just feel I’ve had more than my fair share of shit.”

“So, what – you're taking up celibacy? All power to you, if that’s what you really want, but I’m pretty sure that’s not your gig.”

“Well, no, but I’m not sure Nick is the right person to move on with...”

“Why?”

Because he’s actually perfect, and I just always want to be around him but any time he is there, I feel like I can’t breathe and I literally can not stop thinking about kissing him and fucking him and if he hurt me, I don’t think I’d recover.

“I don’t know, a rebound at work doesn’t seem sensible.”

Tara takes his hand in hers, “Charlie, you don’t always have to do the entirely sensible thing, and if it goes badly Truhan is big enough that you could avoid him fairly successfully. You know you’re attracted to each other. You know that you were very good together before – I mean, I remember your description at brunch the next day!”

Charlie buried his head in the crook of his free arm and let out an embarrassed grunt.

“And, I mean, he seems like a genuinely nice guy from everything both of you have said. Like, you’re safe with him? If you’re looking for someone to have some fun with - it couldn’t get much better, could it?”

Something clicked in him when she said that. The option that maybe he could just let himself enjoy it, see where it went. That he actually could just keep it casual, or low key. He wasn’t sure if he really believed that was possible with Nick, but the want in him was growing. His desire started to win out in his internal struggle, helped along in no small part by the encouragement of his friends and the buzz of cheap wine in his veins.

“OK, I’ll flirt with him. For real this time.”

So, he had. And it had all come a little too naturally, felt a little too easy. Exciting – yes – but also comfortable, inevitable. The problem was Nick was so damn sweet and lovely and at points vulnerable. It was hard to hold on to the idea that he didn’t want anything more serious when he’d opened up about his childhood, or when he laughed heartily with his closest friends, like he always should have been part of that group.

Like he belonged.

As they stood waiting for their separate Ubers at the end of the night, Charlie bounced on the balls of his feet, a charged feeling coursing through him. He didn’t want it to end, he wanted to suggest they share a ride, that they stop the pretence and Nick just come back to his, but all too soon his car showed up and the window lowered.

“Charlie? Station Road?”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

He stepped forward, but in a flash, Nick was at his side opening the door for him, “Well, night, Charlie. I really enjoyed myself. Thanks for inviting me.”

“Yeah, I mean, blame Darcy for that.”

Nick smiled softly and lent forward. Charlie’s whole body shivered in anticipation, offering up absolutely no objection, but Nick’s lips found Charlie’s cheek and his arm wrapped around his back in a tight but one-armed hug.

Too quickly he pulled back. “Well, night Charlie, see you Monday.”

Then Charlie was in the backseat of a Skoda Octavia, the streets blurring a little as he headed back to his house, alone.

Chapter Text

Let it Grow

Charlie’s Perspective

When he woke the following morning, his teeth furry and his head fuzzy but not painful, a small knot of anxiety was burning in his gut. It was that uncomfortable feeling that made him want to hide away. Cocoon himself in his duvet and pretend like the world outside his bedroom didn’t exist.

His brain was replaying the previous night’s exploits on repeat. A highlights reel of Charlie’s unguarded, tipsy flirtations, circling on an unhelpful loop in his mind’s eye. How blatant he’d been. How desperate he must have seemed. Touching Nick’s leg, looking up at him over his shoulder at the bar. Batting his eyelids like he was some sort of fucking femme fatal in an old black and white film. God. It was mortifying and all mixed with that familiar fear of the morning after. The serotonin dip compounded his embarrassment as he continued on a downward shame spiral of regret.

He’d been so close to simply sending something along the lines of a ‘Hey you up?’ text as he lay in bed that night, while his guard was still down and his blood alcohol level was still high. But something had stopped him. The kiss on Charlie’s cheek, while sweet, felt like a firm end to the evening, and he’d retained enough self-preservation so as to not actively seek out rejection. Nick had probably felt pressure to flirt back; he clearly hadn’t wanted to pursue things further. With the backing of his friends, the courage from a few too many wines and the encouragement from the odd lingering look, Charlie had clearly sorely over-estimated his own appeal. He felt a bit like he’d laid himself on a silver platter at Nick’s feet and the, ‘see you Monday’ he’d received in response was a definite full stop, putting an end to the banquet.

He padded through to his kitchen and pushed the button on his coffee machine in an attempt to find the quickest antidote to the melancholy that was lingering in his chest. He didn’t know if he should apologise for the way he acted, how uncomfortable Nick must have been, or if it was just an evening best forgotten and swept under the rug of polite, alcohol induced amnesia.

As he took his first sip of the day, he popped some bread in the toaster and scrolled on his phone, seeking out distraction. An endless stream of reels, the sand in which to bury his head, and forget the uncomfortable sensation of regret in his body.

A Whatsapp notification interrupted his procrastination, and he’d have swiped almost anyone else away, but Nick’s name lighting up his screen was too tempting to ignore.

Nick: Do you need bacon as much as I do this morning? Seriously, I stopped drinking coke a few years ago, but right now I need about a litre of it and greasy spoon sized fry up.

It didn’t seem like Nick was expecting a ‘sorry’ in response to last night. In fact it didn’t seem like he was upset in the slightest.

Charlie: Struggling are we? I’ve just dived into a vat of coffee and think I might manage to nibble on some toast.

Nick: Coffee is a very sensible plan. I’ve not actually made it out of bed, so it sounds like you're doing better than I am.

Charlie: My head is surprisingly not too bad. I've just got the fear but I’m caffeinating my way through it.

Nick: Oh God. Not the anxious hangover! That's the worst. Don’t worry though. You were delightful company all evening.

Charlie: I fear you’re just saying that.

Nick: I’m really not.

Nick: You’re usually pretty delightful actually.

More memories flooded back. Nick, pressing his leg in to his, Nick drawing circles on his wrist, Nick holding his hand under the table. Nick laughing, smiling, joking with him. The fog of self loathing was thinning a little as he tried to shine a light on what had really happened the previous night.

Charlie: So, you’re saying I don’t have to change my name and run away to join the circus?

Nick: Please don’t.

Charlie took another sip of coffee and felt even more emboldened than before. Each message from Nick, a little salve for his wounded ego. He wanted to push further. Test the newly emerging hypothesis, that far from feeling uncomfortable, Nick was actually an active and willing participant in the flirting.

Charlie: Shame, I reckon I could pull off a trapeze artist leotard...

He waited for Nick’s reply. He no longer had the built in excuse of drink to fall back on if this didn’t go to plan, and he whispered ‘idiot' to himself as he stared expectantly at his deafeningly silent phone. Then...

Nick: Charlie - are you trying to kill me?

Charlie: Don’t die, I’ve just got used to having you around.

Nick: Keep up with those mental images, and I’m going to be in need of resuscitation...

Charlie: Are you saying you want me to give you mouth to mouth?

Nick: Mouth to something....

Charlie: AWEOFKSFJKSFJKLSJKL!!!!!!

Jesus that escalated quickly.

Nick: Sorry, it is possible I’m still a little tipsy....

Nick: Seriously though, do you want to grab some food? I wasn’t kidding about the bacon.

What was happening? Charlie had gone from wanting to curl up in a ball all day and contemplate his life choices to planning breakfast and discussing the various places Nick might want Charlie to put his mouth.

Was it a date? It certainly felt date adjacent. Was that even something he wanted? After all his failed romantic exploits, wasn’t the point to have some string free, uncomplicated fun? A date sounded threateningly close to potential relationship territory.

He chided himself, Nick wasn’t saying he was in love with him and wanted to be with him forever, it was just as simple suggestion of a bite to eat. He turned his head to his side and took a quick whiff of his pits. If he was going to meet Nick, date or otherwise, he was going to need to spend a decent amount of time readying himself.

Charlie: Can we make it lunch instead?

Nick: It’s a date.

Nick: I mean, if you want it to be?

Well, that answers that, then.

🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂

Nick

Nick kept rearranging the ketchup and brown sauce bottles on the table at the greasy spoon. This wasn't exactly the most romantic of settings for his first attempt to properly woo Charlie Spring, but he had a feeling he needed to start out cautiously. Whatever had happened the previous night, Charlie had been skittish for weeks and he was determined to ease his way into this. He'd almost chickened out of even using the term ‘date’, but he wasn’t really kidding about still being a little tipsy from the night before and between that and their flirting, he’d let himself be brave.

Now, surrounded by harsh lighting, plastic chairs and the smell of fat frying, he was less confident in his judgement. Maybe they should have at least gone to a much fancier place, or maybe he should have thought of some elaborate day trip to the beach or an arcade or the zoo. Should he have picked something personal to Charlie’s interests, something that would have shown just how special he thought he was?

Charlie walked in, his hair was glistening like it was still a little damp from the shower and he was wrapped in a patterned wool cardigan and dark grey jeans, slim fitting but not as skintight as the night before.

When he looked over, Nick stood abruptly knocking the table with his thick thigh, causing the tea he’d been nursing to slosh and spill a little over the table. Charlie grinned at him, a dimple popping on one side of his face.

Without over thinking his next move he placed a hand on Charlie’s shoulder and a soft kiss on his cheek when he reached him. Charlie seemed a little surprised but not upset by the warmth of his greeting. It wasn’t more than he’d offer any of his good friends and he really hoped that they were on their way to being a good deal more than that.

“Hi.”

Charlie sat opposite and breathed back his ”Hi“ in response.

“So, how’s the hangxiety?”

“Ugh! No better for the use of that word!”

“What? It’s perfectly descriptive. I like it.”

Charlie raised an eyebrow, and looked over at him unimpressed.

“Don’t look at me like that. It’s just like saying brunch, and I know for a fact you say that.”

“That's different.”

“How?"

“It just....is!"

“Highly logical response there. I think you’re just...hangry come on, let’s get some food in you.”

Charlie rolled his eyes and batted him lightly on the shoulder but giggled nonetheless, and Nick felt warmed to be back in his presence. His niggling worries about his choice of setting faded away. Charlie made him feel light, like he could just be himself.

Nick ordered a full breakfast, and Charlie went for a bacon roll which after applying a light layer of tomato sauce he cut into quarters before eating.

“So, tell me, how are you finding the coaching?”

“It’s been great. Priya’s been really welcoming.”

“She’s lovely, she was there when I was at school and really encouraged my running. I think she thought I should have taken up athletics but... well that wasn’t to be. But still, she was always supportive.”

“You still run a fair amount then?”

“Yeah, it’s a habit by now.”

“I bet your quick. You look quick.”

“I do alright.”

Nick felt his lip twitch. ”Yeah, I bet you do."

Charlie looked away, shaking his head, colour rising in his cheek. “Nick!”

“What? I wasn’t implying anything.”

“Right, of course not. So, what about you? What do you do, to get the endorphins pumping?”

“A few things come to mind.”

Nick stared directly into Charlie’s deep blue eyes, but Charlie didn’t turn away this time and it felt like a game of chicken. Who would be the first to crack? Eventually, Nick felt himself warming from the inside out. He coughed awkwardly and ran his fingers though his fringe before adding, “Seriously though, I run a little, but it’s mainly gym work.”

“Really, you work out? I’d never have known.”

Charlie beamed at him somewhat devilishly and Nick coughed out an awkward laugh.

“You’re quite the little shit this morning for someone who said they had the fear.”

“I think you like it.”

“I think you’re right.”

They held each other’s gaze once again, but this time Charlie was the first to break, smiling down into his cup of coffee.

“Anyway, em, you don’t still play yourself, rugby I mean?”

“Nah... I... honestly? I’d hoped to play professionally one day. That was the big dream, but I did my cruciate in my final year of my undergrad and it wasn’t to be. I mean, I could probably go back to an amateur level now, but I’m happy just coaching the kids.”

“So, you didn't originally want to go into teaching?"

Nick paused, he was so at home in the classroom now that the idea that there was a different version of his life where he’d actually made his living on the rugby pitch feels pretty alien to him.

“I suppose not, but I think I'd have always got here eventually. Even if you're relatively successful, rugby’s not exactly a long career and unless you’re at the very top it’s not like there's masses of money in it. Not football money anyway. So, I’d have likely ended up teaching. And I mean I love it, so it’s hardly a bad outcome.”

“And always French?”

“Well, I did a joint honours in Sport Science and French so I considered PE but... yeah what with the injury at the time it... wasn’t for me."

“That makes sense.”

“And for you, was it always maths?” There was a hint of teasing in Nick’s voice and his smile had a mirth about it. Charlie folded his arms in mock offence.

“God, there’s nothing wrong with being interested in maths Nick.”

“I didn’t say there was for a moment.”

“It's integral to the fabric of the universe. It’s the language of the universe, in fact.”

“The language of the universe! Is that so?”

“It’s the fundamental building blocks on which all science can be built!”

“But really Charlie, when am I ever going to have to work out the cosine of an angle in day to day life.”

“Argh! Nick – this is... so... God I get so frustrated by that attitude. Like, I've got a calculator in my pocket, so what’s the point of learning about the fundamentals of mathematics. No one says, audio books exist, so don’t bother learning to read. But maths - it’s everywhere. From working out how to calculate prices in a sale, to every engineer’s drawing for a building, to understanding dosage for medicine, or how to fly to space or, I don’t know, bloody A4 paper!”

Charlie’s passion was evident, and it was frankly unbearably sexy in the most perfect and geekiest of ways.

“A4 paper? What are you talking about?!”

“It’s true!”

“OK, if you’re talking stationary, you’re talking my language. So, go on then - how is maths connected to A4?"

“Well, A4 is set up so that if you cut it in half, then the two halves you’re left with are exactly the same proportion as the original A4, right?”

“Right... Well yeah, A5 of course but that’s just standard.”

“No, it’s standard now, and it's beautiful but it wasn’t always the case. That needed to be worked out. It took maths to do that. The only way for that to be true is if the ratio of the short side to the longest is route 2. Which is an irrational number.”

“A what now?”

“An irrational number, like pi for instance. Infinitely complex, an endlessly non-repeating sequence of numbers after the decimal point. It’s just.... incredible. And A0 - the standard that it’s all worked out from is exactly 1 metre squared.”

“OK.”

“But you can go back further, A-1 , is 2 meters squared, A-2 would be 3 meters squared and so on and if you went all the way to A-45, you’d get a piece of paper so big you could wrap the entire earth – isn't that just ...delicious!”

Nick swallowed hard.You’re delicious. God, say something smarter than that

“Em.. I... Charlie you’re ... amazing.”

Not that much smarter then.

“I mean, hearing you talk like that - it’s amazing.”

Charlie, who had been so animated during his description suddenly looked coy again and bit his lip. “Sorry, I get a bit carried away.”

“Please don’t be sorry. I really like hearing you talk. I feel smarter just being next to you. Or maybe more stupid by comparison. I haven’t actually worked that out yet.”

“Says you, Mr Joint honours, head of department under 30.”

“I'm sure you could have very easily got a joint honours if you’d wanted to, Charlie.”

Charlie tried to hold back a smile and picked up his coffee cup, hiding behind it, as he took a deep swig.

“You did, didn't you? God, what was it in astrophysics?"

“Classics.”

“Oh my God, you're just good at everything.”

“Shut up!"

“It’s true, you’re incredible at maths, passionate about explaining it. Now I learn your also a classicist. You run, you play the drums, you’re amazing with the kids at queer soc...”

Charlie’s hand shot up to cover Nick’s mouth before he could reel off any more positive attributes. Nick grabbed it and brought it down to the table between them but didn’t let go. Instead, he intertwined their fingers.

“You know it’s true, don’t deny it.”

“I think you have a warped view.”

“The view’s alright from where I’m sitting.”

“God, you are so cringe!”

“You don't look like your cringing, you look like you’re blushing."

“Eat your all day breakfast and be quiet or I’ll start quizzing you on quadratic equations.”

“Sounds hot.”

Charlie snorted and they both giggled at each other. The sat hand in hand, awkwardly managing to eat without letting go, and chatting easily over the rest of lunch.

After Nick got the bill, despite Charlie’s protests, they headed out into the cooling early autumnal air. Charlie had suggested he could ‘get the next one’ which warmed Nick’s heart more than it should. Nick was not ready to part company.

“You want to go for a walk? There’s a park nearby; we could just take a wander.”

Charlie’s brow twitched a little and he seemed vaguely amused, though Nick wasn’t sure he understood why. But he agreed and they headed off together, their shoulders brushing. Nick had grown accustomed to the feel of Charlie’s hand in his over lunch and he realised he needn’t go without. This was a date after all. He slipped his fingers through Charlie’s, who looked over at him and beamed.

There was a comfortable silence between them, punctured by quick glances and knowing smiles. The connection he’d felt from the night they met was surely as strong as it was then. Stronger, as they’d started the process of really knowing each other. Of sharing their stories, the pieces of the puzzle that made them whole.

He felt sure there were many pieces he was still missing. There were times it felt like Charlie was definitely holding back, there were parts he wasn’t yet willing to share.

He still had questions around his seeming change of heart. Why had he gone from running from any slightly suggestive contact, to flirting mercilessly, and then holding his hand as they strolled lazily through dappled sunlight, over the first fallen leaves since the change of season?

But he was happy to take his time to find out. They no longer had just one night, and Nick intended to give this thing between them the time and space it deserved, to let it grow.

Chapter Text

Do this Again

Charlie’s perspective

"What’s wrong with me?"

Charlie was sat on Tara and Darcy’s floor, the Sunday morning, following their date. He was propped up against their sofa.

“Charlie, there’s nothing wrong with you – what do you mean?” Tara slid off the couch so she could join him on the floor, and took his hand in hers.

“I just - I don't get it. Like, I know what flirting looks like. And I mean he sent me pretty suggestive texts, he asked me out - he held my hand. He said we should go for a walk after lunch and then - nothing.”

“Charlie - what you're describing doesn't sound like nothing.” Tara smiled at him encouragingly.

“No but – he walked me home. I thought it was all leading somewhere, and then he gave me a hug, kissed me on the fucking cheek for the second time in 2 days! And said we should ‘do this again some time.’”

Tara and Darcy exchanged a knowing look in that irritating way that couples who’ve been together too long do, communicating without actually speaking, before she continued. “Babe, are you upset because he didn't try to have sex with you?"

“Well, yes obviously!” The indignation in his voice sounded unintentionally comical, and he allowed himself to laugh before he dropped his head back on the seat of the sofa. He covered his face with his hands and muffled a groan of frustration.

“I just mean, what’s holding him back? He seems to like me, we talked for hours, sometimes flirty, sometimes serious. It felt... and then... ‘let’s do this again sometime’ – I mean, Jesus! I repeat, what’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t he want me anymore?”

“Charlie my guy – I really don’t think that’s the issue.” Darcy was sprawled across a one seater, legs dangling over one arm, head tucked on the other.

“So, what is it?”

“Well, first of all – when he said let’s do this again. Maybe he actually meant that? Like go on another date, one when you’re not both hungover to fuck, and you actually plan something.”

That felt far too reasonable of a response and Charlie pouted.

“He walked me all the way to my house, and I didn’t even get the chance to invite him in before he was politely making his excuses to leave.”

“Charlie - cut the guy some slack. You’ve spent weeks running from his attention. He’s probably feeling a little insecure himself. Besides, this was the first time you’ve officially been out. You know you aren’t actually required to fuck on the first date, right?”

“Shut up – I don’t think that.”

Darcy raised their eyebrow accusingly at him.

“I don’t! I just, I mean, if you’re both into it I don’t see the problem, that’s all. But he’s clearly not so...”

Tara sighed beside him and put her head back on the sofa too and turned to him. “Charlie, anyone with eyes could see he’s into you. That’s not the problem. Darcy’s right – he's maybe just being cautious. It’s fair enough if he wants to take his time about this.”

“But, it’s not like it really was a first date. We’ve been getting to know each other for weeks, and I mean we’ve already slept together – I didn’t just meet him that day!”

“No, but you did tell him you were colleagues, and you didn’t want anything to happen, and then suddenly start flirting with him like you were a bitch in heat.”

Charlie flung a nearby cushion in Darcy’s direction and blurted out, “I did not!” in response.

Tara shook her head incredulously. “Charlie, if you think we don’t realise where your hand was under the table on Friday night – you sorely underestimate our powers of deduction.”

“It was just his thigh! Jesus.”

“Oh, that’s fine then – not remotely flirtatious,” Darcy giggled out.

“OK, OK, so I’ve been flirting with him. You both told me to! You said I could just have some fun and well, I tried and ... as yet - no fun! ”

“You didn’t enjoy yourself on your date? You said you talked for hours.”

“You should have been lawyer, Tara. You know that’s not what I mean. Like, you said he was a safe guy to let go and enjoy myself with, and he just hasn’t seemed up for more.”

“Charlie, I think he’s potentially up for a lot more and maybe that’s the problem.” Tara’s usually kind voice had hardened just a little,

“I actually have no idea what you mean right now.”

“Don’t you?”

Charlie folded his arms. He wasn’t up for a guessing game, and he waited for one of his friends to fill him in.

Darcy swung their legs round and planted them firmly on the floor, sitting forward in their chair, elbows rested on their knees. “Charlie - he really likes you. Properly. You keep saying things, like have some fun and enjoy yourself – but that boy is gone for you. He probably wants more than either a drunken shag after a night at the pub or even a hungover one the next day, after a first date.”

“Darcy’s right. I think he is being honest, that you should do that again. He wants to date you, get to know you. He really likes you. And alongside all that, he’s probably feeling a little scared you’re going to freak out and change your mind again.”

“I... I can’t - this wasn’t supposed to happen.”

Tara shook her head. “What? The man of your dreams isn’t supposed to like you?”

“He’s not.. We're not...”

Charlie felt too hot and far too observed. “I just mean, I’m only just out of one shit show- we were sat on this very floor not 48 hours ago and you told me I was allowed to just have fun. And now, what? You’re telling me that’s not the case!”

“I’m telling you, you need to make sure Nick is on the same page. If you’re really only after sex, you need to make sure he knows that. Because... Charlie I’m pretty sure he wants a whole lot more.”

Tara looked over at Darcy again and they had another silent conversation before Tara somewhat timidly added, “Also, are you really sure that’s all you want? Because Charlie, that way he was looking at you... you were looking at him the exact same way.”

🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂

Nick’s Perspective

Nick: Hey, did you make it for your run today?

He bit the inside of his lip, awaiting a response, desperate for connection. He kept checking the screen, as if it would somehow speed up the process of a reply. A century, or potentially just five minutes later (who could tell) his phone finally lit up.

Charlie: I did. Just 5k but at least it stretched the legs.

Charlie: What you up to?

Nick: Just watching a film with Tao and Elle, can’t concentrate on it though. Keep getting distracted for some reason.

Charlie: Oh really?

Nick: Yeah, keep thinking about this cute guy. I can’t get him out of my head.

Charlie: Is that so? So, you planning on making a move on this guy any time soon?

Nick: I think about it a lot. I just want to get it right with him.

Charlie: What do you think about Nick?

Nick: A lot of things...

Charlie: You’re going to need to be more specific with me.

Nick: Sometimes just simple things. I imagined him here with me. Holding my hand.

Charlie: Is that all you think about, holding hands?

Nick: No.

Charlie: What else?

Nick: I think about being close to him. His body next to mine. What it would feel like to hold him.

Charlie: Keep going.

Nick paused, he wanted to let Charlie in to some of his more intimate of thoughts but they hadn’t even kissed since they’ve been reunited. Could he really start revealing all the ways he wanted to know him better?

He looked at the message from Charlie again. He clearly knew what he was doing, what he was asking, and Nick was in no mood disappoint.

Nick: I think about what his skin would feel like under my fingers, what he would taste like.

Nick: I think about running my fingers through his hair. He has really, really great hair.

Nick: I think about kissing him. His lips are so tempting. I want to touch every part of him.

Charlie: Maybe you should stop thinking about it.

Charlie: And actually do it.

“Nick, are you even watching this?”

“Huh?”

Nick shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He’d fully forgotten he was in a room with two other people, and Tao’s interruption brought him abruptly back to that realisation.

“Sorry, I just... em... I think I’m going to call it a night.”

“It’s 8.30.”

“Yeah, just em... I think, sorry I’m kind of tired.”

“Tao, let the man go to bed. You remember what the start of a relationship feels like. He's allowed to be distracted. I seem to remember you once leaving my flat, and calling me on the walk home because you missed me.”

Tao had the decency to look sheepish for a moment, but then he wrapped his arms around his girlfriend and pulled her close. “Well, you can’t blame me. The most beautiful and coolest woman I’d ever met wanted to be my girlfriend. What else was I meant to do.”

Elle looked back at him with wide eyed affection, and Nick felt aware that his own arms were empty. He really hoped that wouldn’t be the case for long.

He made it to his room, stripped to his boxers and lay in bed ready to reply to Charlie, when he spotted a stream of messages.

Charlie: Nick? Are you still there?

Charlie: Sorry, I think I took it too far.

Charlie: God, I feel like such a creep.

Charlie: Hey, I’ll stop bothering you, I promise, I really didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just thought you were into it.

Charlie: Sorry.

Nick didn’t even pause before pushing the call button and Charlie answered after several rings.

“Hi.”

“Charlie.”

“Nick, I didn’t mean to...”

“Charlie stop. Of course I was into it. It was me saying most of it! But I was also in Tao and Elle’s living room, and Tao was on at me for texting when I should have been watching the film.”

“Oh, God, sorry – you're with your friends. I shouldn’t have...”

“Charlie, I actually took myself off to bed.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you, I mean... Do you want to... like actually do the things you said. Not just talk about them?”

“Charlie, fuck, of course I do.”

“Oh. OK good.”

“Sorry, did you actually doubt that?”

“Well, maybe a little. You didn’t seem to want to. I mean, when you walked me home, I thought maybe you’d planned to come up but...”

“Charlie, it’s all I’ve been able to think about, but I just I want to do this right. You’re just... you matter to me.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. And Nick was desperate to know what Charlie would say next.

"Oh, em, I see.”

“Maybe we could go on a proper date next time. I mean I can definitely do better than lunch at a greasy spoon.”

“Nick, I...”

Charlie didn’t finish his sentence and Nick felt the fear he’d sensed in Charlie over the preceding weeks once more, but he couldn’t work out why.

“What? What’s up?”

“It’s just – you really don’t need to go to any trouble. I don’t want to put too fine a point on this, but it’s kind of a sure thing here Nick.”

Nick wasn’t sure how exactly to respond to that. On the one hand, the idea of taking Charlie to bed again was doing things to him that meant he was very glad to be back alone in the privacy of his own bedroom. But on the other, it weirdly felt like another type of rejection. Nick had told him that Charlie mattered, Charlie distinctly had not done the same for him. He tried not to read too much into that.

That maybe he wasn’t used to being treated in the way he deserved and that Nick could help resolve that. Another part of him also wanted to point out that frankly he deserved it too. He wanted to make Charlie feel special, because he was, but did Charlie not want to reciprocate?

“You know spending time with you, it’s not actually a hardship, right? I mean, I’m hardly putting myself out.”

“I just mean, it doesn’t need to be a big thing.”

Maybe he should ask what Charlie wanted. Find out what it was, that he wasn’t saying, but he wasn’t sure he could take the answer.

“Is this your way of getting out of paying for dinner? You did say, the next one was on you!”

Deflection. That seemed the best course.

“Oh, I see, so you’re just after a free meal?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t say no but I just, I do actually like spending time with you. I mean obviously I want to do all those things I messaged about and a lot more but I just...”

“Don’t put out on a first date apparently. At least not anymore.”

Nick laughed and felt like he’d probably been worried about nothing. Charlie might be a little more guarded than he was, but you couldn’t fake the connection they had. He was sure he wasn’t imagining it.

“Last time we didn’t get the chance for a second date. Things are different now. We don’t need to rush. Let me take you out Charlie.”

“I thought I was paying for dinner?”

“Yeah, well, I changed my mind. It doesn’t seem right since I’m the one convincing you to date me.”

“It’s not... I do want to... I just... Do you think I’m pathetic for being wary? Everything with Robert started out so well too. I worry my judgement is flawed.”

“You’re not remotely pathetic Charlie. It’s not pathetic to be wary, and it’s scary to trust someone. It just takes a leap of faith.”

“OK, OK, fine you win. I’ll go on another date with you Nick, but can I make a request?”

“Name it.”

“That next time, the night won’t end with a peck on the cheek.”

Chapter Text

Special

Nick’s perspective

“So, what time should I meet you on Saturday?”

Nick and Charlie slid the desks back into place after another successful Queer Soc meeting. Nick had spent most of the previous hour with his arms firmly crossed against his chest and his jaw locked tight, in an attempt to stop himself from gazing at Charlie like the love-sick puppy, he knew he was turning into.

The last thing either of them needed were rumours starting among the pupils before they’d even had a chance to define what any of this meant. But Charlie had kept glancing at him while casually sucking on the leg of his glasses, like he was simply deep in concentration and not actively trying to send Nick wild.

Charlie had been upping their flirting all week, whether by text or over coffee in the staff room or when they’d met up in his class for lunch. Feeding him a spoonful of his pasta, sitting so close Nick could feel his body heat. It wasn’t that Nick was averse to any of it, but he also didn’t want to lose control at work and end up being walked in on by a pupil, Darcy or, even worse, Linda from HR.

More than that, even though Charlie had insisted the date didn’t need to be a big deal, it was to Nick. He didn’t want to steal a kiss over sandwiches on a rushed lunch break, or even in Charlie’s deserted classroom after hours.

Charlie, it seemed, didn’t have any such hesitance. He sat up on the edge of his desk and leaned back on his palms, blatantly letting his eyes trail over Nick as he shifted the final table back into place.

Nick tried to focus on Charlie’s question and not the look he was currently bestowing on him.

“I was thinking I could pick you up. About 2 if that suits?”

“And you still aren’t going to tell me where we’re going?”

“No, it’s a surprise. I told you that.”

Charlie smiled back. “C’mere a minute.”

Nick wandered over and stood in front of Charlie’s slightly parted knees. Charlie reached up and placed his arms over Nick’s shoulders, so they just rested there as he looked up at him.

“Nick, I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful and I am looking forward to whatever you’ve got planned, but are you sure you don’t want to just come back to mine and hang out? I really don’t need some big thing.”

He slid his hands down Nick’s biceps, and Nick found himself leaning forward into his space.

“We could just... open a bottle of wine, eat some food... see where the night took us.”

Charlie leant forward and let his nose trail across Nick’s jaw, and Nick felt his hands clasp at Charlie’s hips. It would be so easy to tilt his head just a little and let this happen. Maybe all this build up was silly. Waiting for the perfect moment, for everything to be just right. Charlie was there in front of him, lips slightly parted, pupils dark with desire. Nick shifted his head and nuzzled just underneath Charlie’s ear.

Charlie dropped one hand from Nick’s arm and hooked a finger through his belt loop and pulled him closer, and Nick’s whole body shivered as he found himself a lot firmer at his place of work than was entirely appropriate. He leaned his head back to take in Charlie’s expression, his eyes soft, his mouth holding back a slight smirk.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“I mean, that much is obvious by now.” His thick eyebrow raised as he dropped his sightline to where their groins were nearly in contact.

“You’re not getting out of the surprise that easily, Charlie.”

“Couldn’t we do both?”

“It’s called delayed gratification, if you’ve heard of it?”

Charlie whined and slid a hand up Nick’s chest. “Niiiick, don’t you think we delayed long enough?”

“Not quite sweetheart.” Nick planted a kiss on Charlie’s cheek and turned quickly, knowing if he stayed any longer in his arms, his will would crumble completely.

“Nick- no more cheek kisses – you promised!”

“I did no such thing. I promised that’s not how Saturday night would end. But that’s all you’re getting for now. I told you, there’s no rush this time.”

🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂 🍂

Nick pulled up outside Charlie’s house just before 2pm on Saturday and quickly checked his hair in the rearview mirror. He was nervous in the best way. Charlie had been so affectionate and flirty with him recently, he no longer felt the insecurity that had clouded their earlier conversations. He’d relaxed into the knowledge that they liked each other. Charlie had made his desire for him very clear and all that was left was act on their mutual attraction. No more second guessing or barriers. This much was obvious; Charlie wanted him.

He just wanted today to go well.

He wanted to create a memory that they’d return to and re-tell. Those early tales of a relationship that create the foundational stones, on which you build something strong. More than anything, he simply wanted Charlie to have fun.

It was with fun in mind that he pulled up at the Buckmore Park Kart Circuit just north of Maidstone. Charlie had been asking continually where they were headed, but Nick just smiled and mimed locking his lips with a key.

When they pulled up in the car park and Charlie saw the sign for go-karting, his eyes went wide.

“You want to race me?”

“Well, you were boasting about your unbeaten record at Mario Kart at the pub the other night. So, I wondered how you’d do at the real thing.”

“Oh my God Nick – you are going down!”

“I mean, if you play your cards right.”

Charlie guffawed and shook his head, “Nick, there is no flirting your way to victory. You can’t fluster the competitiveness out of me – I was born to race.”

“Well, we’ll see, shall we?”

They manage to concentrate their way through the safety demonstration and change into their race suits. Nick felt faintly ridiculous, squeezing into the largest size they provided. Charlie, on the other hand, managed to make the black overalls somehow one of the sexiest outfits Nick had ever seen as he strolled towards the track, helmet tucked under his arm.

It turned out Charlie’s domination at computer game racing translated pretty well to the real track. Nick managed to steel a few circuits from him, but over the course of their session Charlie not only beat Nick 90% of the time, he also took first place in several of the races against the other participants. When their time was up and they went to hand back the gear, it looked like Charlie was trying very hard not to appear smug.

They headed out the doors back to Nick’s waiting car.

“Go on, let it out.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Charlie’s grin was splitting his face, and it took a sizeable amount of will power not just to kiss the smile right off it, in the middle of the Buckmore car park. But Nick had waited this long; an industrial estate outside Chatham didn’t seem like the best location.

“I mean, you can gloat. You earned it.”

“There’s really no need, Nick. Pretty sure the results speak for themselves.”

“Yeah well, next time we’re going to play touch rugby, and we’ll see who comes out on top.”

“Touch rugby? Is that like normal rugby but hornier?”

They both burst out laughing as they slid back into the front of Nick’s car. He wrapped his hand round the back of Charlie’s headrest as he reversed out of the space.

“No, you numpty, it’s rugby without the contact element, so no proper tackles. I mean, we could play normal rugby, but I think there’s every chance I’d actually crush you.”

“You never know, I might be into that.”

“Oh my God, I don’t think I’m going to survive today.”

Nick started driving and Charlie looked at him curiously. “Em, Nick – I think you missed the turning?”

“Oh, you didn’t think we were finished, did you?”

“There’s more?”

“I mean nothing too elaborate. I just thought we could head to Minster Lees beach and go for a stroll, maybe pick up some fish and chips?”

“That sounds perfect.”

Chippy portion sizes being what they are, they decided to share, and they sat on a bench set back from the front, looking out at the lightly crashing waves. The silence between them was comfortable, and Nick felt a bubbling joy inside him as the shared glances and soft smiles alongside their dinner. Charlie shivered a little, and wordlessly Nick removed his hoody and offered it. It was accepted without objection, and Nick felt no guilt in the possessiveness it stirred in him.

Afterwards, Nick took Charlie’s hand as they wandered along the pebble beach, the sound of the waves gently lapping against the stones. Charlie had a far away look about him as his eyes scanned the horizon.

“It’s really pretty here.”

Nick didn’t avert his gaze from Charlie’s face. “Yeah, it is.” His tone was soft, little more than a whisper.

Charlie turned to him. “Are you being sappy?”

“So, what if I am? This is a date – isn't it?”

Charlie looked down, the hint of some unknown discomfort flashing briefly across his face. It was so quick Nick wasn’t sure if he imagined it.

“Thank you. For today I mean. I really wasn’t expecting all this. I just thought we’d grab a drink in the pub and then head back to mine.”

“I mean, don’t get me wrong – that sounds fun too but I just – I wanted it to be special. You’re special.”

“I’m really not.”

Nick hooked his finger under Charlie’s jaw raising his chin, so their eyes met.

“I’m going to have to disagree with you on that one, Charlie.”

And just like that, he leant forward. Charlie’s eyes widened, but his hands found Nick’s waist and his lips gently parted as Nick closed the remaining gap between them. If he was honest, he’d worried that maybe he’d built this all up too much. Waiting, and delaying, denying his urge to capture Charlie’s mouth with his, till he found just the perfect moment. Seeking out a fairytale ending, or he hoped, more accurately, a new fairytale beginning to their story.

Only as he wrapped his arms round Charlie’s shoulders and teased Charlie’s tongue with his own, he understood that none of it mattered. He could have kissed him at the car park, or his classroom, on the night at the pub or at his doorstep the next day.

The result would be the same. His whole body would still be alight with desire for the man in his arms. He’d still be tingling head to toe with giddy, schoolboy joy. He’d still feel a smile creep across his lips, even as he tried to keep their mouths joined.

Charlie placed his palm on Nick’s face, and Nick brought their foreheads together as they paused for a moment. Nick rubbed his nose against Charlie’s as they both grinned.

“Finally.” He felt Charlie’s hot breath on his lips as he laughed out his response.

“So, is that preferable to a peck on the cheek then?”

“It was fine, I suppose!”

“Charlie!”

“You’ll need to kiss me again for me to be sure.”

Chapter Text

Casual

Charlie’s Perspective

“God, I’ve thought about this for so long.” Nick’s voice was low and deep. His lips were on Charlie’s as he pressed him backward against the door. They hadn’t spent much longer on the beach before Charlie had tugged Nick back to his car and told him, in no uncertain terms, he was ready for Nick to take him home.

Nick’s hand had been on his thigh for most of the journey, and he’d occasionally brought Charlie’s to his mouth kissed at his knuckles while they were stopped at red lights or roundabouts. Back at his house, Charlie had scrambled with his keys as Nick ran his mouth up the length of Charlie’s neck, and his hands held him firmly at the hips.

They’d kicked off their shoes as soon as they entered, and even that moment of not touching felt too long to bear.

Charlie’s senses were flooded with him. The sight, the smell, the taste of him. The sound of the low hum that rumbled in his chest as hips pressed forward, grinding into him.

Nick moved his hands to cup at either side of Charlie’s cheeks, pressing their foreheads together. “You’re amazing, Charlie. I like you so much.”

The words punctured Charlie’s gut like a knife, startling him out of the haze of desire that had consumed him since the beach. He wanted to respond, ‘I like you too. You’re incredible. You’re all I’ve been able to think about.'

But the words were caught in this throat; too vulnerable, too real. He should have known this would happen. Nick had been nothing if not forthcoming. And the thoughtful effort he’d put into their day together was evidence enough that he wanted this to be more than just a hot and heavy fumble, leaving their emotions at the door.

But if Charlie let his guard down, then what? Letting someone in like that meant exposing the soft underbelly of his flaws. Providing a front row seat to all his deepest fears and tightly protected insecurities. There were things he had not yet shared; what would Nick make of him if he did?

If you don’t let them know you, if you don’t give them everything, they can’t reject you. He needed to hold back a piece of himself that was only for him.

Nick drew back and swiped the pad of his thumb against Charlie’s cheek, searching his eyes for a response.

Waiting.

“You’re so hot Nick, God, I want this so much.”

“Yeah?” Nick’s smile was warm, encouraging.

“Yeah.” Charlie nodded rapidly and pulled at the fabric of Nick’s t-shirt, drawing him back to his lips. This he could do; let his body take over. Praise Nick’s beauty, tell him how fit he was, how hard he made him. He wasn’t such a good liar, even to himself, that he believed he could remove all feelings from this, but he could choose to focus on the feel of Nick’s soft skin, and the heat of his breath. He could slide his hand down the ridges of his abs and grab him by the belt and tease at his neck with his teeth.

He could roll his hips and illicit a shiver down the other man’s spine as their clothed erections made contact.

They kissed again but Nick pulled back, his brow knitted together.

“Do you... do you like me?”

Obviously. He bit back his automatic response to this simple question.

Nick was so open, so sweet, seeking assurance that he wasn’t alone in this. But it wasn’t an assurance Charlie was ready to give. One, he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to provide.

Charlie nibbled at Nick’s ear and turned in his arms, pressing his back against his chest and wiggling so Nick’s erection found the cleft of his arse. He lent his head back on Nick’s shoulder and pulled Nick’s hand down his chest sliding it further passed his abs till it met the solid heat of his cock straining at his jeans.

“What does it seem like to you?”

“Charlie! I'm... I’m serious. I’m so into you. I... I’ve thought about you so much since that night. And since we met again. Did you... have you ever thought about me?”

So often. All the time. I’m not sure I ever stopped.

“I... Nick, you’re... amazing, honestly.”

Charlie felt Nick’s whole body stiffen at Charlie’s tone. He knew it had come off as hesitant, placating rather than reassuring.

“Why does it sound like there’s a ‘but’ coming?”

“It’s really not anything to do with you. I just... I’m not... I don’t think I’m ready for anything serious. I don’t know if I ever will be. I don’ t want you to get the wrong idea.”

“Oh.”

He pulled back, and Charlie spun to face him. Nick ran his hand through his hair, then gripped at the back of his own neck.

“I see, so this is... you just - what – want a one night thing again or...?”

“I don't know, honestly. I hadn’t really thought too hard about what would happen after.”

“Is that why you were reluctant to have an actual date? You’re not really into this, like more than physically?”

“I, I just don’t want to lead you on, but I do, I do enjoy my time with you. I just don’t know if I can give you more.”

“I’m not asking for a life-long commitment, Charlie! But if your plan is that this is only tonight, I think I need to know that.”

“I just, I’m not ready for... that is, I don’t think I’m built for relationships. I used to half joke that I was cursed, but the truth is, I think they’re just not for me. But, I mean, I do really like you, Nick. I am into this. And I do want you – can't we just have fun? It doesn’t need to be serious – does it?”

Nick, wandered over to the sofa and sat with his elbows rested on his knees as he leant forward. He looked physically winded by Charlie’s words.

Charlie sat beside him and reached to his cheek, then ran his fingers through the short hair at the nape of Nick’s neck.

“I’m sorry, I should have said something before now but you just...you were so persuasive, and I wanted to... I want to spend time with you. But when you told me you like me, something clicked. I don’t want to give you the wrong idea or...I need to be honest with you. About what this is. I need to keep things casual.”

“That’s... yeah.. that’s fine. I get it. You don’t feel the same. Sorry, I misread what was going on. Sorry. I suppose that’s on me.”

Nick had misread nothing, other than Charlie’s need to keep his real feelings concealed. Charlie’s heart ached, and it felt like it was of his own making, but better now, than later once they were both in too deep.

“No, I ... Nick, I do ... it's not that I don' t feel... but I can’t keep making the same mistake. I just never get relationships right. I don’t think I’m wired for them really. Like maybe I’m missing that part. I can never have something real.”

“Charlie." Nick’s voice was breathy, and the ridges in his brow were so deep with concern, but Charlie just kept on going.

“And I mean, it’s the definition of madness, isn’t it? To keep doing the same thing, time and time again and expect different results?”

“I think that’s more of a discredited quote than actual helpful definition but...”

“Right, but you get the point? I keep thinking that this time it will be different, and it never is. And I do like you, obviously I like you, but I just think it’s better we are up front from the start. I’m not capable of long term, I think that’s clear by now. Is that something you can handle?”

“So, what? You want to, like, mess about but keep seeing other people or...”

“That would imply I’m seeing anyone else to begin with, but I don’t know. I just... I don’t want any expectations one way or another. That way we can’t... we can’t let each other down.”

“Charlie.” Nick’s voice was soft and imploring.

He took Charlie’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “I know you’ve been hurt and that maybe you don’t feel you deserve something real, but...I... I want to be with you. I know that maybe seems a bit much to say right now...”

Charlie felt all too seen in that moment.

“Not everyone wants the picture perfect happy ever after, Nick - I’m allowed to want something different from you.”

“Of course you are. I just...”

“What?” His voice sharper than he’d meant.

“Charlie, there’s a difference between actively making a choice that committed, monogamous relationships aren’t your thing and running away from the possibility because you’re scared. I’m not proposing marriage here. I just I like you. I really, actually, properly like you, and I thought... Look, it’s early days. Can’t we just see where it goes? Can’t we just get to know each other more and see if something else develops? We don’t need to have it all figured out right now?”

“That’s great in theory, but I want to be up front about this, Nick. I don’t think I’m going to be able to give you more, like, ever.”

“Are you sure?”

I have to be.

“I’m sorry, Nick. I do really want you though.”

Charlie ran his free hand down Nick’s cheek over this throat and let it descend further to his bicep, gripping it for a moment. He unfurled his fingers from their linked hands and hooked Nicks chin with his index, turning his head to face him.

“I understand if you want to leave, but I really hope you don't.”

Nick was silent for a while. His eyes were a little glassy and it took all of Charlie’s strength not to cry out that he didn’t mean it. That he wanted to be ‘all in’ with him so badly, that he’d thought of him so often over the years that he couldn’t count. That of course he wanted more, he wanted everything with him. But he needed to be strong.

This was a matter of self-preservation.

Nick looked at him, and after an unbearable pause broke his silence.

“I don’t want to go.”

“Then stay."

Nick surged forward and kissed him urgently. It wasn’t as tender as before. It felt desperate, aching - like he had a point to prove.

He pulled Charlie on to his lap. His fingers gripped at the borrowed hoodie from before. Charlie reached behind him and pulled it over his head. Nick ran his hands up and down his now bare slender arms.

“I can’t resist you, Charlie. If you want me to stay, I’ll stay.”

Charlie kissed him back and smiled into it. “I'm so glad."

Nick’s Perspective

This was a risk. It was foolhardy and self-sabotaging and a really stupid thing to do.

But he was all out of strength. He was done being sensible, of holding back and waiting, hoping.

He was clean out of resistance, and through with wishing for more. If Charlie didn’t want something real, he would meet him where he was and give him everything he was willing to take. He would do so in the vain hope that he might change Charlie’s mind. And in the full knowledge that it could destroy him in the process.

He wished it was purely that he was letting his dick do the thinking. That he was just horny and so very ready to get laid. If that’s all it was, then no harm, no foul. They were both in this to get off, just two grown men enjoying each other’s company, what could be more natural than that?

He knew that wasn't it though. He wanted Charlie, desperately, in truth. It had started to feel like a physical ache at this point, but he wasn’t just giving into desire; he was trying to change Charlie’s mind. With every stroke of his fingers through his curls and every tease of his tongue in his mouth, with every time he titled his hips upwards so he could feel how much he was wanted, he had a message to convey.

You are worthy. Let me know you. Let me love you.

They stayed on the sofa for several minutes, exchanging kisses, running hands over arms and backs, over pecs and abs and clothed dicks. Fingers teased through hair and traced over delicate skin at the neck. Charlie straddled Nick and was rocking back and forth as Nick sucked at the delicate skin of his pulse point. He looked up at him and saw Charlie’s eyes closed, lost in pleasure, and he felt a tightness in his chest. Those closed lids felt like a barrier.

A wall to intimacy.

He ran his hands up from Charlie’s wrists, up past forearms and elbows, and biceps, over his shoulders and neck till he gripped at Charlie’s jaw lightly and tilted his head toward him. Charlie’s eyes remained closed as he sought out Nick’s mouth with his own, but Nick pulled back, just slightly, making Charlie chase his kiss.

He repeated this action a few times, till a half smile formed on Charlie’s lips and he opened his eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“I just, I wondered where you went.”

“I’m right here.”

Nick wasn’t sure that was true, but at least he could see Charlie’s beautiful steel blue eyes once more.

“I just like looking at you.”

“You’re a sap.”

“Is that so?”

“Don't try and deny it.”

With that Nick decided to take charge of the situation and he took to his feet, Charlie legs wrapped tightly around his hips.

“Nick! Don’t drop me.”

“I’m not going to drop you! Bedroom?”

Charlie nodded with a giddy enthusiasm that Nick couldn’t help but take heart in. He was directed through the hallway, and when he stepped inside Charlie’s room him, he placed him gently in the centre of his bed. Charlie leant back on his elbows as Nick crowded over him bracing himself on his arms, caging Charlie’s slim body with his much larger frame.

Nick leaned forward and kissed him again, gently lowering his weight as Charlie fell backward. Nick reached for Charlie’s wrist and placed it above his head, their fingers interlocked, and Nick pressed forward with his hips into Charlie’s open legs. He drew his nose along the corner of Charlie’s jaw before his tongue caressed lightly at his earlobe.

“What do you want, Charlie?”

"Will you fuck me? Fill me, like you did before?”

It was a small admission, but it was proof that the memory of that night still lingered for Charlie, as it did for Nick. He tried and failed to stop himself from feeling encouraged.

“You want that? Want to be reminded of what it’s like to have me inside you.”

“Nick, please.”

“OK, but we’re wearing way too many clothes.”

Nick slid his hand down Charlie’s torso and let his fingers tease at the hem of his t-shirt before he pushed it up to reveal the gorgeous toned skin of Charlie’s abdomen. He let his lips worship down his bare flesh, his teeth teasing at his nipples his tongue circling at his navel as Charlie writhed beneath him, his desperation clearing growing.

Nick rubbed at Charlie’s dick, still layered with cotton and denim, but straining to be set free. He was more than happy to provide its release as he worked open Charlie’s belt and slowly undid his zip. He caught Charlie’s eyes, blown black with lust as he grabbed at the waist band of Charlie’s trousers and boxers and tugged at them roughly, exposing his leaking dick to the room.

“Fuck, Charlie – look at you."

He slid Charlie’s trousers fully down and flung them across the room leaving him completely bare. Nick leaned back on his haunches and shrugged off his own top, exposing the smattering of chest hair on his broad pecs. He lifted Charlie’s foot and placed it on his shoulder and started kissing at the protruding bone at his ankle. His left hand trailed down the inside of Charlie’s leg, to his upper thigh and then back.

He followed the path his fingers had taken with his mouth, and placed hot breathy kisses on Charlie’s calf, the underside of his knee the pliant flesh of quads.

“Jesus Nick, please....”

“What is it, Charlie?”

“Touch me, please Nick.”

“I'm doing nothing but touch you. Every inch of you.”

“Not quite every inch, Nick, and I think you know that.”

“Hmmm, you want me to do the other leg? Keep things even?”

“Nick!”

“I'm happy to. Wouldn’t want any part of you to feel left out."

Charlie tried and failed to bat at him. Nick grabbed at his swiping hand and kissed at his wrist, then he knelt back again and grinned. He took hold of Charlie’s other leg and repeated the torturously slow trail towards Charlie’s dripping, pulsing cock.

He nuzzled in at the fold of his hip, breathing in the scent of him. His eyes sought Charlie’s, who nodded as Nick kissed at the base of Charlie’s shaft. Nick gave it the same delicate attention he had bestowed on Charlie’s legs. As he reached the tip, he delivered a gentle swipe of his tongue, drinking in the pearl of pre-cum that had beaded there.

The taste sparked a memory of the night they met.

Charlie’s cock, faintly ridiculously, Nick’s own personal madeleine moment. Neurons fired in his brain, setting off images of the first time he set eyes on him, their gentle teasing and his clumsy flirting. Their honest declaration of attraction and Charlie splayed out desperate and needy, falling apart at Nick’s touch.

Was he really alone in this?

He wrapped his lips around Charlie’s length and took him deep into his mouth, eliciting the most pretty sounds as Charlie’s fingers carded through Nick’s hair, and his back arched at the wet touch of his mouth.

He kept on, unrelenting till Charlie nudged him to stop.

“Nick, please, will you fuck me? I want you inside me.”

“Of course, Charlie. I want that too. Want you so much.”

Nick got up and removed his remaining clothes, while Charlie located the lube and condoms from his bedside and turned onto his stomach. He rested his head on his pillow and wiggled a little as he got himself comfortable.

Nick placed a delicate kiss on his cheek and let his hand stroke down his shoulders to the dip of his lower back and up to the curve of his perfectly pert bum, kneading his flesh with the pads of his fingers.

“Charlie, you’re practically shaking.”

“I want your fingers in me. I’m so on edge already, don’t tease me.”

“I think you like it, just a little bit.”

“Maybe a little.”

Nick let out a soft hum of amusement at this, but he reached for the bottle and then circled Charlie’s hole with a slick finger. He watched every movement of his body, listened for every sigh, responding to each cue. He breached the tight ring, readying him for his own now throbbing and neglected cock.

Charlie buried his head into the pillow, letting out muffled sighs as Nick scissored two fingers inside him and curved them just right.

He grew harder as he watched his fingers disappear into that tight heat and he let the image sear into his memory. He reached for himself and gave a few tugs of relief as Charlie cried out for another finger.

Nick was knelt behind him as he added his ring finger into the mix. He balanced on his knees and gripped at the base of his cock before he ran the tip of his dick up the side of Charlie’s buttock, leaving behind a glistening line of pre-cum in its wake.

“You ready?”

“Fuck, Nick, I’m so past ready.”

Charlie shifted up onto all fours and Nick wanted to ask him to turn. But he didn’t want to disappoint. And quite frankly the sight of Charlie eager and needy like this before him was all too tempting. He slid a johnny down his length, slathered himself in lube and lined up.

That first moment, that first vice-like grip was almost overwhelming. He paused as the head of his dick was surrounded, and he sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth.

“Christ, you’re so perfect.”

Charlie whimpered in response and after a short pause, Nick pressed further.

“You OK? Do you need a moment?”

“Fuck, Nick, keep going.”

Slowly he inched forward, encouraged by Charlie’s enthusiastic begging, till he was fully sheathed. Charlie asked for it hard and Nick was so deeply het up, it was hard to resist his request.

He held him at the hips and surged forward, relentless and deep. Charlie moaned and begged and cried out in pleasure, and Nick felt sure if he kept up this pace it would be over far too soon.

He slowed for a moment to a gentle rock and let his hand slide up the indent of Charlie’s spine, till he clasped him at the shoulder just at the base of his neck and pushed him back firmly onto his cock, but at a less insatiable speed.

After a few minutes, he noticed Charlie’s arms begin to shake, so he reached round his chest and dragged him backward. Charlie’s back was flush against his chest, and he was fully seated on Nick’s cock. From this angle, Charlie could roll his hips and Nick could turn his head and capture Charlie’s mouth with his own.

Charlie reached behind him and clasped at the base of Nick’s neck as they exchanged desperate, wet kisses, and their sweaty foreheads met. It was close but not close enough.

“I want you on your back Charlie, is that OK?”

Charlie paused his movement and didn’t speak for a moment.

“We can stay here like this, I just..”

“Yes. Yes, you can have me however you want.”

Nick gripped at the base of his dick, ensuring the condom didn’t slide off while Charlie repositioned before him. Nick applied a touch more lube and then grabbed at the back of Charlie’s thigh, just above the knee and dragged him firmly down the bed, like a weightless rag doll. He retrieved a pillow and placed it under Charlie’s hips.

He pushed in slowly once more, but this time without pause. Just one long, careful movement. Then he withdrew, till just the tip his surrounded. He repeated this motion, in long slow strokes, almost pulling out each time before burying himself back in deep.

“Christ, Nick, don’t stop. Jesus."

“I won’t stop, not until you’re painting our chests.”

He watched as Charlie seemed to lose himself again in sensation. His eyes tight shut but his hips thrust up to meet Nick’s determined movements and the sound of skin against skin and guttural moans filled the bedroom.

Charlie’s head fell to the side, curls spread wild on the sheet. The was no doubt he was lost in pleasure, but Nick wanted to find him through the heat of it.

He reached down and caught him by the chin with his forefinger. Turning his head.

“Charlie, look at me.”

His eyes opened and for a moment they darted around the room.

“Please, Charlie... baby. I don’t know what comes next. But you’re here with me now. Please be with me.”

“I... I’m here. Where else would I be?”

“You know what I mean.”

Their eyes locked and the faintest of nods told Nick he was understood. He surged forward and their lips joined as Nick pinned Charlie’s arm above his head. Their fingers interlocked, anchoring to one another as Nick upped his pace once more.

“Yes, Nick, fuck, fuck like that.”

“Are you close, baby?”

“So close, Christ I could almost come like this.”

Nick patted around the bed for the lube and squeezed out some straight onto Charlie’s raging erection. Then he pressed his body forward, against Charlie’s so his now slick wet, dick was tight between their torsos, and with every roll and thrust of his hips, Nick let his abdomen work at Charlie, until he was panting and begging for more.

He relented and reached between them, it was only a matter of a few short rapid strokes before Charlie was shooting ropes of hot cum between them, and Nick finally allowed himself to let go and released his own spend deep inside.

He stayed there as they both panted their way through their orgasm. Charlie’s eyes looked misty, and Nick felt sure a tear threatened to spill down his cheek. But Charlie pulled him into a deep extended kiss, and by the time he pulled back, Charlie’s face bore no hint that he’d been close to breaking down.

Nick wondered how long Charlie could keep up what he felt sure was a pretence. How long could he claim that this wasn’t something real?

He also wondered how long he could survive pretending he was OK with that.

Chapter Text

Enough

Charlie’s perspective

Charlie’s head was rested on Nick’s chest as he let his fingers draw patterns on his skin. His blunt nails scratched through chest hair as he tried to decide if it was auburn or rich brown. Though it was Charlie’s house, Nick had insisted that he lay still while Nick had gone to the bathroom to retrieve a warm flannel and then gently washed his chest.

They’d snuggled back in, wordlessly, and Charlie lay silently caressing Nick with gentle hands for fully five minutes as the haze of what had just happened still surrounded him. He didn’t want him to leave.

But given what he’d said before they got started, he didn’t know how he could ask him to stay.

In fact, he felt sure he shouldn’t. His attachment to Nick had been strong before, but now it felt like a vice, tightening around his heart. The way he’d worshipped him with his body, chipped away at his resolve. Was it stupid – to think like that? It was just sex. What had Robert said? Just bits of flesh rubbing up against each other.

Only that wasn’t what had happened.

He’d felt treasured, seen, wanted, adored. Nick had loved him with his body, if not his words, and Charlie had nearly let tears fall from his eyes as they came together.

He’d managed to pull Nick into a final kiss so he could blink away the wetness and appear just the usual level of blissed out to be expected. If he lay there any longer, how much deeper would their connection grow?

“Well, em, that was fun.”

He felt Nick’s chest rumble with a little laugh. “Yeah. Thanks, I enjoyed myself too!”

Charlie rested his chin up on Nick’s chest and stared dopily at his eyes. They were soft, unfocused and it took a monumental act of will not to plant another kiss on his soft lips.

“We should, I mean, we could do this again some time?”

“Char, are you trying to kick me out?”

“Char?”

“What? We can have mind blowing sex, but I can’t give you an adorable nickname? Is that one of the conditions of keeping this casual?”

Charlie’s stomach twisted a little at the use of the word he’d insisted on, but he tried not to let his discomfort show on his face.

“No, no, it is cute. I like it.”

“You’re cute. And I mean, I’ll go if you really want me to, but you do realise you’ve got your leg hooked pretty securely round mine, and you're kind of clinging on to me like a koala right now.”

“I em, God! I don’t want you to go I just – I don’t know what the rules are here. I’ve not really been in this situation before.”

“Charlie, this is your place, you make the rules.”

“Are you half quoting Taylor Swift at me?”

“Maybe.”

“Oh God, I’m embarrassed for you.”

The vibrations of Nick’s laugh ran through Charlie’s body, and he knew he couldn't bring himself ask him to leave.

“Char, I heard you. I know you’re not ready for more, that maybe you won’t ever be, but I also heard you say you do like me, that you do like being around me. I like being around you too. We don’t have to deny that because you don’t feel able to commit.”

“And you’re OK with that?”

Nick didn’t say anything right away, but he ran his fingers through Charlie’s hair and then wrapped his arm round his shoulder, pulling him tight to his chest.

“I’m a big boy, let me worry about that. I’m more than OK with staying though, if you want me to.”

“Yeah, I... I want you stay, Nick.”

Nick’s Perspective

When Nick woke on Sunday morning, he became aware he had migrated to resting his head on Charlie’s stomach at some point in the night.

Charlie had propped himself up a little on the headboard, and he thumbed his way through a book that was rested on his chest. Nick placed a gentle kiss at the skin of Charlie’s hip and lifted his head.

“Morning.”

“Morning, sleepy head.”

“You been awake for a while?”

“Not too long, sorry if I woke you.”

Nick looked up at Charlie. “It’s a pretty nice way to wake up, to be honest.”

He kissed his way up Charlie’s torso and then buried his lips into the crook of his neck in a way that caused the man beneath him to squirm a little. “Ah! Nick that tickles!”

Charlie rested his book down on the pillow beside him and cupped Nick’s face in his hands. He pressed his lips softly against his forehead, and they slid down the bed so they were lying flat, face to face.

“I agree, by the way.”

“What’s that?”

“It is nice, waking up with you.”

Nick considered asking right there and then if Charlie still meant everything he’d said, but he decided not to push. He would let Charlie come to his own decision in time. Besides, he was sure his mouth could make a much more persuasive argument without saying a word, and he snuck his way back down Charlie’s body and under the covers and delighted in the sounds he was able to tease from Charlie’s lips.

After, as they both lay sated, he reached across and picked up the book Charlie had been reading.

“So, this is the famous comedy maths book.”

“It’s not really a comedy, it’s mildly comic.”

“Go on then, you know I can’t resist you when you get all geeky on me.”

“Have you been trying to resist me so far? I hadn’t noticed.”

“Shush you! Tell me about it.”

Charlie took hold of the paperback and tossed it to the side.

“Ugh! OK – so right I’m not saying this is funny, funny but it is kind of weird. Back in like the 1890s in the States, they decided that they should round pi to be 3.2.”

“Who decided?”

“Like the House of Representatives, I think. It was a unanimous vote apparently.”

“To change the value of pi?”

“Uhuh.”

“What? But isn’t that – I mean - I don’t...”

“I think they thought it would be.... neater?”

“But it bears no relation to reality?”

“That’s true. Who would have thought a government body making decisions without reference to independent scientific thought, based in evidence.”

“Ha! Shocking! So... I mean what happened?”

“Well, luckily some guy in their Senate was a mathematician and just pointed out that nothing works like this. I mean it was ridiculous, if you were rounding pi you wouldn’t even round it to 3.2 it would be 3.1 but....”

“That’s mad,” Nick chuckled.

“Yup!”

“Oooh, wait – did I just make a maths joke?”

“Huh?”

“Well, pi – it's one of those irrational numbers you talked about, right? Mad, like irrational... get it.” Nick felt rather pleased with himself for remembering Charlie’s earlier explanation.

“Oh my God - Nick!” Charlie giggled uncontrollably at this point, shaking his head in disbelief, and Nick suddenly felt a little under attack.

“What?”

“It’s not like – irrational as in – beyond reason.”

“What? What does it mean then?”

“It’s as in – it's not a whole number ratio, like one third or two fifths. Oh my God.”

Nick felt his whole cheeks burn and he turned and buried his head in the pillow.

“No, sweetheart, no it’s not that daft. I mean, we have imaginary numbers I guess, numbers devoid of reasons isn’t too much of a stretch, no... come here.”

Charlie turned Nick over and planted kisses all over his red hot cheeks.

“Actually, this is a good thing. I’m going to add it to my lesson plan I’ve been writing on this. Because if you thought that, guaranteed then others definitely will.”

“Glad to be of service, I guess.”

They laughed a little more and then Nick asked, “So, what you’re going teach your students about the whole trying to change the value of pi thing?”

“Yeah, it just brings things to life, using real world examples. I actually calculated what would happen if they’d used 3.2 on the lunar missions instead of actual pi and it turns out they’d have missed it by like 2% of the diameter of the moon!”

“Wow. That's.... significant.”

“Isn’t it though?!”

Nick got over his embarrassment relatively quickly, and was back to his usual feeling of awe that he felt around Charlie.

“You’re making it really hard not to kiss you right now.”

“Who’s stopping you?”

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They showered together, exchanging lazy kisses and gentle strokes. Nick washed Charlie’s hair and Charlie pressed his back against Nick’s chest, sighing into his caress.

It didn’t lead to another orgasm for either of them. They just delighted in the proximity, in the intimacy of the other’s touch. Nick wondered how many ‘friends with benefits’ situations, if that’s what they were, included sex-free showers where you simply washed each other tenderly, just because it felt nice.

He didn’t bring that up to Charlie though.

After a shared breakfast, Charlie suggested they go for a run, and Nick had no objection to extending their time together further. It turned out Charlie wasn’t just born to race on a computer game or a go-karting track, and Nick nearly pulled his hamstring trying to keep up.

‘You need to stretch – you're not getting any younger’

They showered together again, and this time Nick used his large hand to work at them both until they were panting each other’s name into the steam and painting each other’s wet bodies with their spend.

They’d been in each other’s company for over 24 hours, and neither man seemed ready to say goodbye as Charlie suggested they order something for tea. If this was casual, Nick wondered what committed might feel like, because at this rate he felt like he’d be moved in by the October half term.

Still, he kept this observation to himself. Charlie wanted him there. For now, that would have to be enough.

Chapter Text

No Defence

Charlie’s Perspective

Charlie hated being honest. It had been a problem he’d struggled with for most of his life. From when he felt he needed to hide. First his sexuality, before he was outed at high school, then when he had been relentlessly bullied after the truth had been discovered. To when he was compelled to hide not only his first ‘relationship’ with the closeted boy in the year above but also the abuse he’d been subjected to by him.

He’d hidden his disordered eating, and his self-harm, until it had become so serious there was nowhere left to hide. He’d hidden relapses over the years, and hidden his history of mental ill health from romantic partners. Even when he was doing well, he kept much of that part of his life a secret for fear of being judged and considered too much to bear, a burden.

He’d worked hard in therapy to gradually lower the walls behind which he’d retreated, but they’d hastily been re-erected after it was clear his trust had been misplaced with Robert’s betrayal.

Bit by bit, he felt his walls were under siege once more by the sheer warmth of Nick’s affection and the openness of his friendship.

Because truly, alongside the very regular and frankly life altering sex they were having, Nick felt like his best friend. They ate lunch together most days and spent evenings together regularly. They texted when they were apart and laughed when they were together. Charlie had ‘re-paid’ Nick’s thoughtful date by taking him for a day at the zoo, where they’d held hands and stolen kisses.

He was aware his biggest act of dishonesty recently was his failure to admit that there was anything remotely casual about his relationship with Nick. The point had been to protect both of their hearts, but not naming it was no defence against his strength of feeling.

It was a lie so obvious he felt it almost didn’t need correcting. So, still he didn’t say. He would keep quiet, for now at least. He needed more time. He didn’t want to break what they were building. Maybe admitting that he was falling (had fallen?) would be the very thing that led to its destruction. That he’d hold it too hard and it would slip between his fingers.

All of that was an excuse.

He was just scared.

He’d asked that they keep it a secret at school, though Darcy had walked in on them one lunch hour as Nick was wiping crumbs from Charlie’s lips. They had questioned him mercilessly, till he admitted they’d been ‘hanging out, but it wasn’t serious.’ Darcy told him he was fooling no one, but they were done meddling because it was giving them stress headaches just thinking about it.

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While lying in bed the Friday before the October holidays, Nick got a message.

“Oh wow. Oh my God.”

“What?”

“It’s my brother.”

“You never really talk about your brother.”

Nick, sighed and ran his fingers along Charlie’s bare collar bone and sunk a kiss into his curls.

“We’re not all that close. He could be a bit of a dick when we were growing up, and then he moved to Glasgow for uni, and he works up there now. And he was a total prick when I came out so...”

“Oh, shit. Do you need me to fight him?”

“You’d fight him?”

“I’d fight anyone who was mean to you.”

Charlie’s face reddened at this admission. It was the closest he’d come to saying what they both knew. Part of him hoped Nick would call him out, that he’d give him the push to just admit what was between them, but Nick remained infuriatingly patient.

“Well, that’s good to know but it won’t be necessary. He’s past all that shit now, or at least he seems to be. But yeah, we’re still not like best buddies. Anyway, he’s just messaged to say he’s got engaged.”

“Oh, wow. That’s... exciting.”

He felt Nick nod and sigh deeply. He didn’t need to ask if that was something Nick wanted in his future. He felt sure it was. Nick has so much love to give, so kind and warm and open and desperate to share his life with someone.

He wants to share it with you.

He was so tempted to let him, to say that he could see something like that in the future for them too one day, but how could he? Nick only knew half his story. Would he even still want him if he knew the rest? Charlie wondered if he could take down a few more bricks from his wall, and find out.

“So, do you think he’ll ask you to be best man, or an usher or anything?”

“Definitely not best man. That’ll be one of his uni mates, some ‘top lad’ who was probably president of GUU and will organise games of Edward Ciderhands on the stag do and kit him up in a mankini or some shit. He knows that wouldn’t be me. He might ask me to be an usher for mum’s sake.”

“Do you wish you were closer?”

Nick paused, they shifted in bed so they were both lying on their sides facing one another.

“I don’t want him to be someone he’s not. I don’t want him to fake liking me or to wish away the brother I do have, but I wish... I wish our dad leaving hadn’t fucked him up in quite the way it did.”

“You think it impacted him differently than you?”

“David always thought the sun shone out of dad’s arse, honestly. Even after he left. He always believed his promises, and I think maybe he blamed us for him going. Mum and me, I mean.”

“How come?”

“He was, what, about 12? Looking for somewhere to put his anger, and we were there. I really don’t blame him for that part. Mum really tried, but his friend circle was a big influence. He always cared too much how he came across, wanted to be the big man. Even at home, he didn’t want anyone to know how sad he was. But anger – that's an acceptable emotion for a man to show, right?”

Charlie stroked up Nick’s arm and placed his hand to his cheek. Nick nuzzled against it, then kissed his palm.

“When I was home from uni and messaging my first boyfriend, he had a field day when he found out. Told me how ashamed dad would be. Of course, told me bisexuality doesn’t exist, and I should just admit I was gay.”

“Jesus.”

“The word admit is so fucking...” Nick sighed deeply before carrying on. “As though it would have been shameful if I were. I just lost it. Decked him!”

“Oh my God!”

“Mum was not pleased but honestly, I think maybe it helped. Like, of course, ‘violence isn’t the answer’... but I don’t know, he actually shut up after that. Then later, when I got with Amy, he took me aside and told me he knew he was an idiot. That he was sorry, said he’d gone down a red pill, manosphere rabbit hole for a while there, but he’d started to realise it was bullshit.”

“I never asked, how was your coming out? Like with the rest of your family I mean.”

“Well mum was pretty text book perfect. Thanked me for telling her, apologised if she’d made me feel like I’d ever have to hide it from her. Told me she loved me, and how excited she was to meet my boyfriend.”

“And your dad?”

“He was, fine. Said, he wanted me to be happy, that he wasn’t sure he fully understood – which kind of grated but basically, he was fairly relaxed. It’s not as though, we spent much time with each other.”

Nick reached for Charlie’s hand and interlaced their fingers, sliding his between Charlie’s a few times before he drew both their hands to his bare chest.

“What about you? How was your family?” Nick’s stare was intense but warm, as though nothing in the world held more interest to him than Charlie revealing more about himself.

“My family were fine, I mean, supportive actually. About that at least. I... I never... I was actually outed at school. It just sort of got found out.”

“Shit.”

“I told you I set up the queer soc, when I was head boy? I didn’t really tell you all the reasons why.”

“What happened?”

“We don’t need to talk about this.”

“No, we don’t, but you can tell me, Charlie I... I care about you a lot. I know we’re not... but that doesn’t mean you can’t share stuff with me.”

Charlie closed his eyes for a moment, and then let one of his bricks fall.

“I guess, I was just bullied pretty badly really. I started to believe all the shit that people were saying about me. It got quite dark.”

He felt Nick’s grip on his hand tighten, but he didn’t speak, he just waited.

“I, I sort of stopped eating. That is, I started controlling what I was eating too much, and I mean, you’ve never said but I assume you’ve seen these.”

Charlie freed the arm he was resting on and motioned to the barely perceptible white lines, the lasting evidence of his teenage pain.

Nick nodded silently.

“Well, yeah they em, they didn’t get there by accident.” Charlie chewed his lip and caught Nick’s eye, they were glassy but still kind. He didn’t look like he was about to run. Charlie kept going.

“So, in a nutshell, I have anorexia and OCD, ended up in a mental health facility when I was 15.”

Looks like you're taking a sledgehammer to that wall then.

Nick didn’t flinch.

“I mean, I’m in recovery, my relationship with food is much better now. I tend not to love eating in massive groups. And if I’m stressed, I’ve got, like, safe foods I can rely on but generally, I don’t need that so much now.”

Nick stroked at his knuckles, wordlessly.

“I think...I think I’ll always have the intrusive thoughts though. But I.... I don’t tend to believe them anymore, or at least not as much. So... yeah. Surprise! I’m kind of a mess.”

Nick shook his head and drew Charlie to him.

“You’re not a mess, Charlie. I don’t want to sound like a cliche, but thank you. Genuinely, thank you so much for sharing that with me. You’re just, fuck, I think you’re the strongest person I know.”

“You’re not planning your exit strategy then?”

“Did you think that was likely – really?”

“I don’t know. I definitely thought it, but I’m not sure whether I actually believed it or not. Sometimes my brain can still be quite mean. It’s not always easy to sort out the lies from the truth.”

“Well, I’m not going anywhere.”

Charlie thought about Nick’s words. Maybe that was true, that if he really stopped hiding, if he let him in, properly, Nick would stay.

Chapter Text

Confessing:

Nick’s Perspective

“So, I was wondering?”

Charlie looked up at Nick from his phone. They’d been sharing coffee on the following lazy Sunday morning, nothing planned but enjoying each other’s company for the rest of the day.

“What?”

“Well, we always stay at yours and I mean, I get it. You’ve got your own place and I’m still crashing in a box room at my friend’s, but well, I was actually thinking maybe you could come over? They’d really love to meet you.”

“Oh.”

“I mean, nothing too serious or anything. Just like hang out, watch a film, have some wine. Maybe we could get a take away or I could cook or... It’s just, they’ve been asking about you a bit. I mean, only if you fancied it.”

Tao and Elle had, in fact, been increasingly curious about the man who was taking up so much of his time. They were becoming a little suspicious that he’d not once been round to meet them. Nick had explained they were taking things slowly, that nothing was official, that it was just casual for now. Though he’d conveniently left out the part where Charlie had expressly outlined that he was pretty sure he’d never want anything more serious.

He told himself this was in an attempt to protect Charlie. That Tao was many things, but relaxed about anyone who might take advantage of his friends was not one of them. Nick hoped he wasn’t fooling himself, that he could trust in Charlie’s actions even if he wasn’t yet ready to say what they meant. That if he just gave him a little more time, he’d admit the strength of feeling between them, that he’d allow himself to be properly cherished.

So, he continued to keep quiet, both with his friends and with Charlie.

That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. That it wasn’t just a little crushing to spend so much time with someone who wouldn’t, or couldn’t say what Nick meant to him. An underlying anxiety bubbled away that maybe, it was all in his head. That because he felt so much for Charlie, and Charlie clearly enjoyed his company and was very vocal about how much he liked the sex, that Nick was filling in the blanks with his wishful thinking.

He wanted to trust the truth of Charlie’s actions. Believe the sincerity of his touch.

But you can’t really ever know what someone else is thinking, and he desperately wanted Charlie to just say it. He wanted to belong to one another.

“Yeah, that sounds fun.”

“OK, good. Well, what about tonight?”

“Tonight?”

“I mean, yeah? We're both off in the morning. We can lie in while Tao and Elle get off for work. If you wanted to stay?”

“Yeah, sure. I’d like that, Nick.”

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“Be nice. Ok?” Nick had headed back to Tao and Elle’s after lunch to get a few things ready for Charlie’s arrival and left Charlie to conduct the boring but necessary ‘life admin’ that had been piling up since they’d commandeered almost all of other’s free time.

He was now regretting his choice to make homemade pork and watercress spring rolls for everyone’s dinner. But Charlie had practically salivated when Nick mentioned he could make his own, after they’d shared some over a take away one evening. They were simple enough, but time consuming when making in quantity. And he still wanted to shower and give his bedroom a once over before Charlie arrived.

“I’m always nice.” Tao’s voice was filled with mock offence, and Nick rolled his eyes at him.

He dipped the rice paper in water and lay it on the chopping board, ready to add the filling, and shook his head at Tao’s obviously tetchy attitude.

“I mean it, I really think you guys will get on. You’re both into like cool cultural stuff and you know, don’t just follow like the mainstream or whatever. I think you could be friends.”

“Are you calling me an outcast?”

“I’m saying you’re into interesting indie stuff and Charlie is too. I told you he’s a drummer, right?”

“You might have mentioned it.” Elle smiled, wandered over to the fridge and handed Nick a beer. “Chill out Nick. I already warned Tao to be on his best behaviour.”

Nick dipped his final spring roll in the oil and added it to the tray before turning to the sink and washing his hands.

“Thanks Elle. OK – I'm going to shove these in the oven and grab a shower before he gets here. Can one of you take them out when the timer goes in case and I’m not back.”

Tao, looked over at the oven, which was set for 30 minutes.

“God, how long do you need in the shower Nick? I swear last time you went over to Charlie’s you were practically 45 minutes in the bathroom. Are you manscaping or something?”

Nick felt his cheeks pink up, and Elle shouted an exasperated “Tao!” at her boyfriend who looked over confused.

She raised her eyebrows at him suggestively, but he seemed as bemused as before.

“Tao, use your imagination...” Elle started giggling.

“Please don’t.” Nick countered deadpan, as he headed sharply for the exit and heard the sounds of the pieces falling into place behind him.

“Oh... Ohhhh. God, are we going to need noise cancelling headphones tonight?”

Nick just held up his middle finger over his shoulder as he made his way to his room to grab a towel.

“I mean it, Nick – the soundproofing is shit you know that!”

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Charlie’s perspective

Charlie shouldn’t be this nervous. Why was it so important to him that his non-boyfriend's roommates liked him? Was it normal to be so concerned that you are accepted by the inner circle of your situationship-partner?

He’d changed his top 4 times and settled on an old, slim fitting Ramones t-shirt.

He looked in the mirror and took a deep breath. He knew why he was nervous. He wanted to make a good impression on the people that mattered to Nick, because Nick mattered to him. Because the fiction that was their ‘casual arrangement’ was barely hanging on by a thread at this point and every time he saw him, he wondered if that would be the day where he just finally said it.

Nick, I want to be your boyfriend.

He wanted more than that. In the depth of the night as they were tucked up beside each other, he imagined a future together. One where he wasn’t constantly biting his tongue for fear of saying what he really felt. Then the doubts would surface. What if he was imagining everything Nick was feeling? What if he didn’t feel the same?

He’s literally obsessed with you.

Wow, the inner voice is getting a lot kinder these days!

Charlie would tell him how he felt, soon. Just not tonight.

Nick answered the door to his flat and beamed at him before he leaned in and gave him a gentle peck on the lips. Swoon. It felt so sweet, caring and non-sexual in the best of ways. Like he just wanted to greet him with affection because he adored him, not because he was trying to get him into bed.

Not that Charlie minded in the least when was trying to get him in to bed, but these other parts, the softer more domestic moments were mounting, and he found that he liked them just as much.

“Come through, I’m just plating dinner up.”

“God, it smells amazing, Nick.”

“I made those spring rolls I told you about. Is that OK? Shit, I guess, I’ve not actually cooked for you since you mentioned...Should I have... but then you said...”

“Nick, I told you, I’m really fine these days, and you know I loved the sound of those. Thank you.”

They entered the kitchen, and Charlie was met by two people so tall, beautiful and impeccably dressed that if Charlie didn’t know any better, he’d be convinced they were models here for a photo shoot, not Nick’s friends ready for a night in, in front of the telly.

“Charlie, I presume?” The man held out his hand to shake, with a somewhat preposterous formality.

“That’s me.”

“Tao, and this is my girlfriend Elle.”

Elle stepped forward. “Can I give you a hug? I’m a bit of a hugger, but I know that’s not everyone's thing.”

“A hug is good.”

Elle flung her arms around Charlie’s neck and gave him a quick squeeze, “It’s just I feel like I know you already. Nick talks about you so much.”

“Elle!”

“What? I’m sure that’s not news to him.”

“Elle - you’re ruining my reputation as a laid-back, easy going, take it or leave it type.”

“Nick, you literally have no chill.”

“Lies - my nonchalance is legendary.”

Elle shook her head and Nick caught Charlie’s eye. He was amused but he also looked like he was hiding just a little concern. It was just a brief flash before he smiled again, but Charlie noticed it. He needed to talk to him before the October holidays were over.

The idea that his own lingering hangups and fears were any cause for Nick’s anxiety weighed heavy on him.

Charlie knew what he wanted – why was it so difficult to just say it?

“Cool t-shirt by the way.” Tao was opening a bottle of white as he looked over.

“Oh, thanks – I love a band t-shirt.”

“You know their song Judi is a Punk? It’s in The Royal Tenanbaums. Have you seen it?”

“I mean a kooky look at dysfunctional family dynamics – of course I’ve seen it!”

Nick and Elle exchanged a look that Charlie couldn’t quite read as Tao pulled up a chair, handed Charlie a glass of wine, and started discussing in detail the film’s unique visual style, symmetrical compositions and use of negative space.

Charlie hadn’t really considered a lot of what he was saying before, but was able to quote a couple of lines which earned him a smack on the back from Tao, who looked over at Nick with approval. “Alright - this one can come again.”

Nick reached under the table and pulsed Charlie’s thigh. “I knew you two would hit it off.”

They chatted and laughed their way through dinner. Tao, it seemed to Charlie, was a curious mix of almost comically earnest on the subjects he cared for and entirely goofy in the most endearing of ways. He was very different to Nick, but when they talked about growing up together, his loyalty shone through and it made sense of their unlikely friendship. They were both of them fierce defenders of those they cared about, and given they have more than 20 years of history behind them, they couldn’t be much closer.

Elle, he surmised, was the calm to Tao’s storm. She had creativity seeping from her pores, and she spoke passionately about her art, but she had a steadying presence and a kindness to her that was evident in each of her gestures. She poked gentle fun at her boyfriend’s pomposity at times, but it was done with such love and affection that it was heartwarming to witness.

He wondered what others saw when he interacted with Nick. Could people tell that he’d never felt like this before? Would the casual observer notice the way they responded to the other’s movements, how they shared knowing glances, or giggled exchanges? How they’d soothe their gentle mocking with sweet touches?

Could anyone tell the depth of Charlie’s feelings just by seeing the way he looks at Nick. Could Nick? Did that even matter?

Hadn’t he already resolved to stop hiding it?

After the meal, they settled in for the film, and Charlie tucked in beside Nick on the sofa. Nick kept running his thumb up the back of Charlie’s neck, and he struggled to maintain concentration. He got the impression there may be some sort of quiz later, and he really didn’t want to fail, but Nick seemed intent on distracting him.

The pads of Nick’s fingers traced just underneath Charlie’s collar. His touch was soft and tender, but however gentle, it left a trail of fire in its wake. Charlie swallowed hard and chanced a glance at Nick, who was already looking directly at him, a half-smirk formed on his face. He pressed his solid thigh into Charlie’s, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips.

Charlie shifted even closer into Nick’s space, so his back was rested slightly on the side of Nick’s chest, and he placed a hand on his leg, just above his knee. He turned to face the screen. He held his hand still for several moments before he slowly moved it upward, just an inch or so. He could hear Nick’s breathing change. His mouth was so close to his face that he could feel the stuttered breath on his ear.

Though his breath was warm, it gave Charlie chills up and down his spine, and he kneaded just briefly at Nick’s quads. The arm around Charlie’s shoulder shifted, and instead of playing with his collar he moved to card through Charlie’s hair, who had to actively bite his lips to prevent a sigh from escaping.

He had almost no idea what was happening on screen, despite staring directly at it, and he wondered how much more of this delicious torture he must endure before they could make their escape.

Elle leant over to top up everyone’s glasses and caught Charlie’s eye. She raised an eyebrow at him. He felt his cheeks flush at being caught, his expression so entirely dazed under Nick’s touch, but she said nothing and smiled over her glass as she took another sip of her wine.

As the credits rolled, it looked as though Tao was about to launch into a full scale dissection on what they’d just witnessed, but Elle pulsed at his arm.

“Darling, we’ve got work in the morning – why don’t we call it a night?”

“But we didn’t even talk through any of it... This is Charlie’s first film night – we can’t just go to bed!”

She leant over to her boyfriend and whispered something in his ear, at which point he coughed pointedly.

“Well, night, chaps – nice to meet you, Charlie. Elle’s right – early start and all that.”

Elle looked over her shoulder as they exited the living room and mouthed “you’re welcome” to them as grin broke out across her face.

Nick pulled Charlie into his lap and kissed him softly before pulling back.

“I had fun tonight.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I knew they’d like you. You’re pretty hard not to like.”

“Nick, I’m not sure everyone sees it that way.”

“Well, those people are blatantly wrong. I’m an excellent judge of character, and I think you’re amazing.”

“You’re just saying that because I sucked your dick this morning.”

“I mean, it’s definitely in the plus column.”

They both laughed, and Charlie leaned into kiss him once more, but Nick pulled back.

“You know, that’s not all this is to me, right?”

“Nick, I....”

“It’s fine – we don’t have to talk about it yet. I’m not putting any pressure on you. I just – I need you to know that’s not the only reason I think you’re amazing, as skilled in that department as you might be.”

Now’s your chance. Tell him.

“I know Nick, I just....”

“Yeah, forget I brought it up.”

Nick’s lips were on him again and the heat between them built quickly. The feel of Nick’s rock hard dick straining upward to meet Charlie’s circling hips pushed all thoughts of deep conversations and confessions of real feelings from his brain.

He just felt want.

Nick led them to his room and put on the bedside lamp and a little mood music.

“What do you want, Charlie?”

He pulled at the hem of Charlie’s t-shirt as he spoke and then discarded it along with his own on the small patch of floor by his little bed. He drew Charlie’s hands across his defined chest then round his back and guided them to his bum, raising a questioning eyebrow at him.

“Nick, I think you’ve already got a plan by the way you’re looking at me.”

“Well, I did start the process in the shower before you got here... if you were interested...”

“Yes!”

They leant in again, their lips were unhurried and gentle as Charlie slipped his fingers beneath the waistband of Nick’s joggers and dug his fingers into the firm flesh of Nick’s perfectly sculpted, beautifully round bum. Nick sighed into Charlie’s mouth, who’s dick firmed up in response.

Nick made him feel wanted, desired. This glorious, beautiful hunk of a man looked at him with such need, such naked lust, and it made Charlie feel powerful.

The effect he had on Nick was such an unrivalled turn on. Being considered sexy made him believe he was.

Nick’s hand had travelled down Charlie’s bare torso and started palming him softly over his trousers. His head involuntarily reared back in response exposing his neck to Nick’s wet kisses.

“You’re so fucking hot, Charlie.”

“Lie down baby. Let’s get you ready, mmm?”

Nick nodded and backed toward the bed, pushing down his trousers and boxers in one motion, en route. His substantial cock sprung free, and Charlie could feel his mouth pool with saliva in response.

“Can I suck you off while I finger you?”

“Is that a genuine question?”

“Is that a yes?”

“It’s a fuck yes! Yes please!”

“Such a well-mannered young man!”

“Charlie, don’t make fun of me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Charlie decided now was as good a time as any to remove the rest of his clothes, and he did his best to step out of his skinny jeans and socks while retaining a modicum of dignity, but it was no mean feat.

Maybe Nick’s on to something with those joggers...

Nick had helpfully scooted his bum up on to a pillow and had a bottle of lube and a condom ready to go beside him.

“Eager?”

“What gave you that impression?”

“Hmm, I can’t imagine.”

Nick smiled up at him and reached for the base of his leaking cock and tugged at himself, as he looked directly back at Charlie. A grin spread across Charlie’s face and then he pounced. Grabbing Nick’s hand and firmly pinning it above his head with his right, he reached down and wrapped his left fist around Nick’s length.

“U-uh. Mine!”

Nick took a sharp intake of breath, and his eyes lit up with want. He nodded his head in firm agreement as Charlie kissed, and sucked and even bit a little down his body.

Charlie settled between Nick’s legs. He’d planted his feet flat on the bed, and it gave Charlie the perfect access to fulfill his suggestion. He ran his flat palms up and down the inside of Nick’s thick thighs a few times, getting increasingly higher with each motion.

Nick had started to whimper and sigh. He seemed desperate, and that feeling of power flared in Charlie. To reduce this hulking mass of man to a needy, beggy mess was so thrilling and deeply arousing. He ran his tongue up the length of Nick’s cock and circled his crown before he lowered completely.

“Fuck!” Nick hissed out and his hands shot to Charlie’s head, separating his curls between his fingers as Charlie bobbed and sucked and licked his way up and down his length. As he worked at him, he reached for the lube so he could bring his fingers into play. At first, he simply stroked over Nick’s hole. Circling his middle finger with very little pressure applied.

“Char... please.”

Charlie withdrew from Nick’s saliva-slicked cock with a soft pop.

“Hmm, something you want, Nick?”

“Charlie, please, you know.”

“Aren’t you the one who told me there was no rush?”

“Char.... do you need me to beg?”

Charlie’s dick responded to the mere suggestion, but he giggled softly and decided to give in to Nick’s request.

“Hmm, is this what you want, baby?”

He pushed his finger past Nick’s tight ring as he lowered his mouth back on to Nick’s dick. Nick cried out, “Jesus, Charlie yes! Fuck!”

It didn’t take too long to work Nick open, though he’d still needed Charlie to stop sucking at him before he was quite ready. He’d describe Charlie as “too fucking talented” as he gently nudged him off his throbbing dick.

Nick sat up and rolled a condom down Charlie, and they shared a wet and messy kiss. Charlie sat back on his haunches and guided Nick on to all fours. He gripped him by his thick shoulder as he edged his way in. When he was fully bottomed out, he took hold of Nick by the hips and pulsed into him, gently to start, working up his movement till Nick was calling his name and babbling at him.

He pulled him backward by the hips and Nick knew what he was asking, his body responsive to the slightest command of his touch. He sat, bringing his broad back to Charlie’s chest so that Charlie could snake his arms around his torso and clasp his hands to his pecs as Nick rocked and rolled his hips, seated on Charlie’s cock.

“God, Nick, you feel so fucking good. Nothing feels like you. No one has ever felt like you.”

He bit his lip for fear of revealing more than he meant to in that moment. Nick deserved to know the truth, but he didn’t want it to be misconstrued as a reckless admission in the heat of passion. He would choose his time, give it the respect it deserved.

“Fuck, Charlie, you’re so fucking deep.”

Nick reached behind him and his hand grasped at the short hairs beneath Charlie’s curls, and they turned their faces so their mouths could meet; a clash of tongues, and lips and teeth as they exchanged heaving breaths and wet, desperate moans. Charlie slid his hand down Nick’s sweat drenched torso and curled his fingers round his length once more. He fucked into him, in time with his hand and Nick panted helplessly in response till he was crying out and shooting hot ribbons of cum on to his own chest and Charlie’s hand.

As Nick shuddered and his muscles tightened and clenched Charlie followed and pulsed into the condom buried deep in Nick’s tight heat and he rode out the aftershock as Nick collapsed back heavy on his chest.

After a few moments of synchronised heavy breathing, Nick leant forward so Charlie could take hold of his cock and withdraw. He grabbed a towel and gave a questioning look to Nick who nodded and he performed a quick and rough clean up job.

“Give me a minute and I’ll get us a cloth and some water.”

“It’s my flat, I’ll go Charlie.”

“I’m sure I can locate some glasses, Nick. Do you have a flannel in the bathroom?”

Nick reached for a toilet bag in his bedside and handed him a clean wash cloth. Charlie put on the joggers Nick had been wearing alongside a hoodie that had been tossed on a chair and was thick with the aroma of Nick.

“I’ll be right back.”

He padded to the kitchen and located the glasses, filling them from the sink before turning on the hot tap for the cloth. As he did so, he had the distinct impression he was being watched, and he turned to see Tao stood at the door.

He was leaning against the doorframe, a slight but distinct scowl playing across his face.

“You know he’s in love with you, right?”

His words caught him off guard. He hadn’t expected such directness from someone he barely knew.

“Did he say that?”

“He doesn’t have to.”

“Nick’s a big boy, he can make his own choices, and he can tell me what he’s feeling for himself.”

“He’s a soft hearted romantic and he’s in love with you. Are you ever going to deign to move this on from this ridiculous ‘friends with benefits’ situation? Or are you planning on stringing him along forever?”

“I’m not sure how any of this is your business, Tao.”

“It’s my business because I’ll be here to pick up the pieces when you break his heart.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Look, I know he might tell you he’s just happy ‘hanging out’ or whatever the fuck you’re calling it, but the truth is he probably wants to be more than a casual fuck buddy with you. And if you can’t give him more than that, that’s well it’s not your fault but I think you need to let him go, because Nick doesn’t do love in half measures, and I guarantee this whole thing is probably making him feel entirely shit about himself.”

“I... that’s...”

Charlie knew he was right. He also knew that he wanted so much more than that too, but confessing his adoration in the kitchen, to Nick’s best friend, barefoot, while holding a soggy flannel, was not where he first wanted to express the depth of his feelings. He hated being called out like this, especially when he had every intention of putting things right in the upcoming days. His hackles raised.

His voice was steady and strong, “Look we’re.... we’re friends. We fuck. You don’t need to know more than that. Goodnight!”

He escaped into the hallway and stood reeling for several moments. When he returned to Nick’s room, Nick had already dressed in another pair of joggers and a t-shirt, he was under the covers, his body turned to face the wall.

“Nick? You don’t want me to clean you.”

“The towel was fine. I’m kind of tired.”

Chapter Text

Schoolboy Error

Charlie’s Perspective

The next morning, whatever mood Nick had been in before they slept seemed to have lifted. They shared breakfast and coffee and padded around the flat for a few hours. Charlie had brought up what they should do to fill their October week. The assumption that they’d spend it together was clear. He had every plan to spend as much time with Nick as humanly possible.

But in the end, Nick had said he needed some time to go and view flats and that he actually intended to visit his mum that night and stay over. They’d agreed maybe they would catch up again on Wednesday. It all felt a little more vague than Charlie would have liked, but he tried not to let his anxiety take hold again. He couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been more forthcoming earlier, whether he’d have helped him look round flats, or perhaps even been invited to meet the woman who raised him.

He couldn’t ask that of him though. And maybe some time apart would give him enough breathing space to clear his thoughts and decide exactly what, and how much to divulge to Nick.

🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂

On Wednesday evening, Nick had shown up unexpectedly at Charlie’s door. He apologised for not texting but he had a wild look about him. He stared at Charlie hungrily, like he was desperate for his touch.

No further words were exchanged, and Charlie pulled him in by his collar and they lunged at each other. Their time apart had clearly left them starved.

Nick’s mouth was everywhere, his breath hot, and his grip firm. He’d carried Charlie to the bed and stripped him bare like he was offended by the very existence of his clothes. Their sex had been more rapid and animalistic than normal. Like a need had taken over Nick, and he was feral with desire.

He’d sucked on the flesh of Charlie’s shoulder, surely leaving behind a deep bruise as his dick pulsed inside him and Charlie’s nails dug into Nick’s shoulders as he came in response to Nick’s hurried fist.

After, Charlie was laid on Nick’s chest, and he soaked in his warmth. Nick’s fingers made circles on his skin, tracing along the angle of his shoulder blades, up his neck, teasing at the shorter hairs at his nape then coiling round the curls on his head. It was a stark contrast to the unbridled heat that had come before. Charlie felt so deeply satisfied, content, safe.

He knew he needed to tell him now. That this charade could not continue. His confident moments, were more frequent and he was sure Nick felt it too. This thing that had grown between them, their connection was something he could trust. The causal arrangement he’d originally suggested was just a farce at this point. He was sure this was something Nick not only knew, but was glad about.

His fear might have meant it had gone unspoken until now. But the intrusive thoughts were less frequent.

He wasn’t rid of them completely but when they surfaced, he’d examine them then let them fade.

What if he really was alone in this? Nick had said that they didn’t need to know where it was going, but just to be open to possibilities. What if he’d tasted the freedom of a lack of commitment and had some sort of revelation? Maybe he wouldn’t want anything to change.

Charlie wasn’t sure how he’d respond to that. Could he keep going?

Falling ever deeper in....

He clenched his jaw and made a conscious decision to stop catastrophising. Nick had shown him time and again, how much he cared. It had been evident from the start. Charlie just needed to trust, to take that final step, to say what they both knew.

He looked up, Nick was staring off into the middle distance, he thought maybe his eyes were a little glassy, but he couldn’t be sure. Charlie ran his middle finger down the slope of Nick’s nose and tilted his head further so he could kiss at his jaw. Friends who fuck are not this affectionate and they surely both knew it.

Nick swallowed thickly and shifted beneath him.

“I eh, I should probably go?”

“What?”

They’d already spent Monday and Tuesday night apart, and now it was late on Wednesday evening. The idea that he’d get up and dressed and leave for his little box room at Tao’s flat was ludicrous.

“I just, eh... I realised I haven’t spent lots of time at home recently, I stayed at mum’s two nights and I should maybe do some washing, say hi to Tao and Elle, you know. Yeah, I should em... I need to go.”

There was no way this was about washing.

“Nick, where is this coming form?”

“It's just, I just... I can’t... I need to go before I say something I regret. I’m sorry.”

Something he’d regret?

Charlie was so confused. He’d spent so long trying to convince himself he never wanted a relationship again, but Nick’s relentless care and affection had stripped back his defences till he was finally ready to be honest, and then this.

Nick seemed on the verge of ending everything. Of saying he didn’t want him anymore. It didn’t add up, the calculation was off, he was missing some essential data point, and he hated it.

“If, if that’s what you want?”

Nick buried his face in his hands and let out a frustrated groan at this.

“It’s not remotely what I want, Charlie! But I don’t think I can keep going like this. It’s not your fault. You’ve been honest. I think I need to start being honest too.”

Nick rose from the bed, and Charlie felt bile rising in his throat as Nick scrabbled about for his clothes, scattered around Charlie’s bedroom floor. Like a one night stand, seeking escape in the cover of darkness. He wouldn’t even look at him as he left his room and Charlie lay there stunned and confused by the sudden turn of events.

Till what he said clicked into place. Nick didn’t want to leave. Nick couldn’t keep going like this. Nick needed to start being honest.

Fuck. Was it too late?

🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂

Nick’s Perspective

“Nick, Nick wait!”

Charlie barrelled down the street behind him and Nick considered running. If he talked to him now, there was every chance he’d come right out and confess everything. The depth of his feeling, the strength of his love, and it felt like a betrayal. Falling for him, like that, when he promised he’d try and keep things uncomplicated.

Only, truthfully, Charlie had seemed to love him right back.

Nick had hoped when this started, he could provide him with enough affection, that he could prove himself loyal and caring enough, that he’d change his mind. But however many meals he cooked, or dates he planned, however many times they fell asleep cuddling on the sofa or made each other almost black out with pleasure, Charlie never relented. Never once said, ‘you know what Nick, I think this is stupid, we’re clearly perfect for each other, let’s just give it a try.’

He’d needed time to think after over hearing Charlie’s stark words in the kitchen with Tao. To put a little distance between them. He’d gone over to Charlie with every intention of talking, but when he saw him standing there in his doorway, he knew that if he spoke those things out loud, everything might need to come to an end.

When faced with that possibility he’d found he couldn’t find the words.

When Charlie had pressed his lips to his, he’d been powerless, like he always was at his touch and though he was filled with guilt at the secret he was keeping he allowed himself to succumb, even if part of him knew it had to be for the last time.

As he lay there after, he finally admitted to himself that he was being pushed too far. He’d almost said there and then they needed to put an end to this arrangement for his own sanity. The way Charlie had curled up against him and slotted in so perfectly somehow made it worse. Those words from Sunday night returned to him and reality came crashing in.

Charlie wasn’t his boyfriend. Charlie didn’t want a commitment. Charlie, despite every opportunity, had never once said there was even a chance they could be more. That you can’t actually make someone fall for you, if you simply love them hard enough. It didn’t matter if Nick suspected Charlie felt more than he was prepared to admit.

If loving was something you participated in actively then, yes, all Charlie’s actions pointed to the same thing. But just because love could be expressed through more than words, Nick knew for his own self worth, it needed naming.

It just clicked for him in that moment. Charlie was never going to give him that. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t blame him, but he didn’t think he had the strength to continue with it forever unspoken, a love in continual suspended animation.

“Nick! Please, wait.”

He turned. There was no putting it off any longer. He needed to end this.

“Char, Char I’m sorry I ran out I just, I can’t keep going like this.”

“I know.”

“You... you mean so much to me. Too much and I can’t...”

“I know."

“It hurts too much”

“I know."

“So, is this it?”

“I really fucking hope not.”

“Charlie? I just said I can’t keep going like this."

“So let's not. Nick, I've been such a fucking idiot! It’s so obvious, when you really think about it.”

Hope bubbled in Nick unbidden, but he was scared to let it take hold.

“I was so convinced that I’d just be making the same mistake, that I would be repeating the past, but I got it so wrong. A fucking schoolboy error really.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Nick! I didn’t take account of all the variables!”

Nick was incredulous. “Charlie! Are you seriously fucking geeking out right now?! In the middle of a conversation about our relationship, or bloody lack thereof.”

“Wait, I’ve got a point – I promise. It’s like I said, doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. Only this isn't the same, is it? This time it’s different. This time it’s you. I didn’t consider the fact, that this time I was falling in love with you.”

“You... you love me?”

“Well, fucking obviously. Do you love me?”

“Yes! Obviously.”

They smile at each other and Charlie takes a tentative step forward but Nick holds up hand, there’s more to say.

“I heard you. On Sunday night in the kitchen with Tao. You said we were friends that fuck, Charlie – that didn’t sound like love.”

“As if the first time I confess my feelings, it’s going to be to your friend who I’ve only just met that night.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“Nick! I know, I know I should have told you before. I’m so sorry I made you feel like I didn’t care, that I made you doubt this.”

“God, Charlie, do you really mean it?”

“Nick, I’ve been trying to find the words for weeks and I mean, I hadn’t really planned on saying all that. I thought I’d be a little less dramatic, see if you maybe wanted to go out for real, like be boyfriends? Just test the waters? But instead, I’ve gone and fucking confessed my undeniable love to you in the street, wearing a pair of mismatched converse, my boxers and one of your borrowed hoodies.”

Nick looked down and took in his dishevelled appearance. He clocked Charlie’s shoes, one white, one bright green and a grin broke across his face.

“You always look adorable, Charlie, I wouldn’t worry about that.”

“So, yeah, I... I know it’s maybe more than you were looking for. But this is it. I’m so hopelessly gone for you, Nick Nelson. It’s OK if you want to still take things slowly, and I get if you can’t forgive my keeping what I was feeling to myself for so long, and for not being honest from the...”

Nick just rushed at him and enveloped him in an almost bone crushing hug. A soft, “oof” escaped Charlie’s lips.

He pulled back enough to look deeply into his eyes, and he knew his expression must be the softest, sappiest picture of devotion, but he didn’t care.

“Char, did you not hear the bit where I said I felt the same?”

“Oh. You sure you’re not just saying that?”

“Pretty sure.” Nick couldn’t keep the smile from his face as he took in the man in his arms.

Charlie took a deep breath and seemed to gather his resolve.

“I love you.”

“Yeah, I love you too. C’mere you idiot.”

Chapter Text

Epilogue: Always

Joint Perspective

2025

“Can everyone give Isaac a round of applause please?”

The group of assembled members of Truham Queer Soc clapped and smiled. Charlie shook the guest speaker’s hand. Isaac Henderson, renowned author and LGBTQ + advocate, had newly moved to the area. He was dressed in a short sleeved floral shirt and was clutching a copy of one of his self-penned titles to his chest like a sort of security blanket, but he smiled warmly at Charlie. Isaac had a reassuring kindness about him that had put Charlie at ease from the moment they’d met. He thanked him again for coming and reading a few extracts from his book, detailing his experiences of discovering his Aroace identity during his teenage years.

“You know, even though my sister is ace – it's still something I suppose I don’t know enough about. I mean I’m close with her, but I guess we don’t really talk about that stuff too much. It was really great to get your perspective. I know the students will have gotten a lot from it.”

“Well, it was my pleasure. And I’m so pleased they arranged to get my book stocked in school library. And not just for the additional sales, though - every little helps.”

He tapped the back pocket of his jeans twice and winked at him. Charlie snorted back, “I think your mixing up Tesco and Asda adverts there!”

“Oh yeah, I think you’re right! Anyway, in all seriousness, I mean speaking to the society is great, but well, it’s already an audience that has at least some awareness or interest in the topic. Not knowing that there’s anyone else out there that shares your experience, that can be the hardest part. So, I really hope the book gets into the hands of someone who needs to know they’re not alone.”

“I’m sure it will. Thank you again, so much.”

The kids filed out and Nick was stood at the door, saying his goodbyes while stealing glances at his boyfriend as he chatted with the author. Once it was just the three of them, Isaac asked where the nearest loos were, and headed out into the hall. Nick shook his hand as he left, closed the door behind him, then lowered the little blind. His eyes darkened in a way that made Charlie feel like he was in a steamy romance novel.

"Nick! We’re at work.” Charlie giggled and scooted up on to the edge of his desk. He opened his legs so Nick could slot between them, and Nick bent down and kissed at the edge of Charlie’s strong and very lightly stubbled jaw. He delighted in the contrast between the soft skin of Charlie’s cheek and the roughness of his chin that emerged by this time of the evening. His 5 0’clock shadow had just started to kick in.

“God, you smell good, Charlie.”

He nibbled at Charlie’s earlobe and sucked at it lightly, then cupped at his face as Charlie wrapped his legs around Nick’s hips and drew his hands up over his chest.

“Nick - we can’t do this here. Someone might see. There’s still people milling about.”

“I’m not suggesting we get up to anything ... really naughty. Besides, all the staff know. And probably half the pupils by this point!”

He laid a slightly wet kiss at Charlie’s pulse point, and he could feel it flicker beneath his tongue. “It’s late, no one is here.”

“Oh Nick, I'm well aware, they know we’re together. However, there’s a difference between suspecting your teachers are dating and seeing them caught in a...compromising position.”

Charlie’s hand found Nick’s hair and he pulled him into a deep kiss that elicited the most perfect strangled moan from his lover. Nick pressed forward with his hips then pulled back; a cheeky and entirely too sexy smirk playing on his face. His sightline drifted between Charlie’s eyes and his lips, his voice was low. “I hear what you’re saying, but I mean.... You do know you’re the one who just put your tongue down my throat, right?”

Charlie’s cheeks pinked, and a thrill ran up his spine. He knew they were not about to fuck on his classroom desk, though they had both confessed it had featured heavily in their fantasies before they’d even had the confidence to flirt with each other last year. But having Nick so close, and so very evidently turned on, was definitely putting his good judgement to the test.

Charlie’s arms rested on Nick’s broad shoulders and he interlaced his fingers behind his head.

“It’s not my fault. My boyfriend is so fucking fit!” He kissed at Nick’s neck who then reached behind him and squeezed at Charlie’s glutes. Charlie found his hands roaming down Nick’s wide back, and before he was even aware what he was doing he started untucking his shirt so that he could feel his skin beneath his fingertips.

The door handle rattled and they sprang apart, wide eyed.

A very amused Isaac stood at the entrance to Charlie’s classroom. “Sorry for... interrupting – I just I realised, I left my laptop. I’m just... gonna...”

He motioned to the corner of the room, where a leather satchel was propped and he made towards it.

Nick’s guts twisted a little, and he had the look of a startled baby deer in the headlights about him. He’d started proceedings, and he was worried he’d made this very kind and seemingly shy stranger somewhat uncomfortable. “Sorry, we... I didn’t know you were still... Sorry this must seem really unprofessional.” Nick was grabbing at the back of his neck and could barely look up from the floor, but Charlie giggled next to him.

“Sorry. We shouldn’t have.... we know this isn’t the place, it’s just....”

“You two really don’t have anything to apologise for. You're allowed to kiss your boyfriend, though if it’s getting that heated maybe you should lock the door next time? Still, I could have knocked.”

Nick looked up, a little flushed. “Oh. So you already knew we’re....”

“It was a pretty reasonable assumption.”

“We don’t usually do this at school, I mean... not that often. I’m sure the students would have a field day.” Nick glanced upward still looking rather sheepish.

Isaac grinned back at him, “I mean, if you’re trying to keep it quiet from the kids you should probably stop making puppy dog eyes at each other every couple of minutes.”

Charlie grinned. “To be fair, love, you were giving me some pretty adoring glances today.”

“Charlie, I hate to break it to you – but you are aware that you were returning them? Why do you think I pounced on you the moment the door was closed?”

Isaac coughed awkwardly and picked up his laptop. “Anyway, I’m going to...go.”

Charlie suddenly felt a little sad. He wasn’t just being polite when he was thanking him earlier. He’d found him genuinely fascinating and felt like in another life they could have been friends. Deciding that he should maybe act on that feeling, he made a quick decision.

“Actually, wait. I em, well... Nick and I have got some friends coming round to ours tomorrow night. Just a little games night. One of the drama teachers here, Darcy and their wife Tara and Nick’s old childhood friend and his fiancé, Elle. Nick’s cooking – he's a really good cook.”

Charlie looked over to Nick, hoping he’d be OK adding another to the catering at short notice but Nick just smiled back. “Yes, you’ve got to come – do you like chicken dopiaza?”

“Em, well, yeah but... I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t be. Look, there’s no pressure, it’s just – you mentioned you’d only just moved to Kent and well, we both know what it’s like when you’re trying to find your people.” Charlie looked at him hopefully.

“I mean... yeah alright, I’ll come, if you’re supplying dinner! Though, these games you mentioned, we're not talking a 3 hour session of Monopoly are we?”

🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂

In the end it turned out Isaac, despite his quiet, unassuming appearance, had a real flare when it came to the most atrocious combinations in their game of Cards Against Humanity, and for the first time ever Darcy was not out in the lead.

“Argh, it’s not my fault – it’s the cards he got.”

Isaac’s giggle was infectious, and he had the sassiest twinkle in his eye as he looked over to his closest competitor. “I think you’re just going to have to face facts, you are never going to be quite as filthy as this aroace, self-confessed book nerd. I might not want to do any of those thing in real life, but my collection of erotic romance novels would leave all of you allos blushing, I’ve no doubt!”

Everyone laughed and Nick and Charlie smiled at each other, feeling like their snap decision to invite someone new to the friendship group was entirely the right one.

By the end of the evening everyone was just on the right side of tipsy, and they were laughing and hugging as their hosts saw them out the front door. Seeing Tao give Charlie a particular affectionate hug still warmed Nick’s heart. They’d taken a bit of time to come round to each other over the course of the last 8 months or so, but they were now often to be found dissecting the latest cinematic release, or talking about bands Nick had never even heard of.

Once everyone had left, Nick turned to Charlie and lifted him into a one-armed aerial hug as he closed the door and spun him round. He placed a kiss on his lips as he replaced Charlie’s feet on the ground. Charlie, in turn, held out his hand to lead him to their bedroom.

It still felt so good, calling it that in Charlie’s head. Nick had paid a little more lip service to flat hunting the previous October, and Charlie suggested he could move in for a bit while he looked, to save him constantly having to pack an overnight bag. Only days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, until one day Nick confessed he was finding it hard to pick somewhere because it meant they’d see less of each other. He was sorry he’d taken advantage of Charlie’s hospitality for so long, and he really would find somewhere in the new year.

Charlie had just laughed at him and said he’d practically forgotten he was meant to be finding anywhere to begin with. He already thought of it as their place. “I really couldn't give two fucks if people think it’s too soon – we love each other and I prefer it when you’re here.”

They lay on their now shared bed, exchanging slow and lazy kisses like they had all the time in the world, because quite frankly, they did. Gradually the languid exchange heated up and Nick’s fingers found the soft skin of Charlie’s belly. Nick sometimes tried to pick a favourite part of Charlie’s body. Only there were too many to choose from, he loved the soft flesh of his abdomen under his fingers, the cute, pert round apple of his delectable bum, he adored the little trail of hair that lead to his perfectly formed cock, which of course he loved just as much as any other part of his anatomy. He loved his dimples, he loved his hair, he loved his eyes....

“Nick, you’ve got that far away look about you again. You OK there baby?”

“Hmm, just thinking about how much I love you.”

“You’re insufferable, do you know that?”

“Is that so?”

“It is.”

“So, you don't want to hear about all the parts of you I love and want to worship with my tongue then?”

“Fuck, Nick... How do you go from so entirely sweet I could melt, to so hot I could explode every fucking time?”

“I think it’s maybe because you love me too?”

“Fine... but tell me more about this tongue thing....”

Nick chuckled and whispered deep and low in Charlie’s ear, “How about I just show you?”

Nick lifted Charlie’s t-shirt from him and began the long slow trail down Charlie’s chest, swirling his tongue at each of his nipples in turn. He delighted as they hardened at his attention, and he kissed down the faint outline of Charlie’s ribs and then sucked at the flesh at his hip.

Charlie splayed his fingers through Nick’s hair, so that he looked delightfully disheveled by the time he was reaching to stroke at Charlie’s now aching dick. Nick freed him from the rest of his clothes .

“Nick, baby, I want to see you too.”

Nick stood, his trousers tented, his excitement obvious. It still filled Charlie with the most delicious thrill to know he was the cause of Nick’s arousal. His mouth watered at the sight of just how turned on he was. Nick slipped his hoodie over his head and added that, along with his joggers and boxers, to the growing mound of discarded garments.

Charlie let his legs fall open, and Nick settled his head between his thighs. His cheek rested on the warm skin of Charlie’s quads. He reached for Charlie’s body and spread his fingers up his torso as he buried his nose at the root of Charlie’s cock. He kissed at the base, then he let his tongue sweep slowly upwards, circling when it met the purpling crown. Charlie had started to leak a little pre, and Nick found himself lapping at him.

“You taste so fucking good, darling.”

“Christ, Nick!”

Nick continued to sweep his tongue up and down Charlie’s length, and he let his fingers stroke gently at his perineum has he did so. Charlie leant up on his elbows, he loved watching as Nick’s cheeks flushed, and his face began to glow a little with perspiration. He leant further forward and swept a stray hair from Nick’s forehead then down the side of his face. Nick captured Charlie’s trailing thumb in his mouth and sucked at it, not breaking eye contact as he did so.

Charlie felt his dick pulse in response, and Nick turned his head so he could give it the same attention.

A soft “aah” escaped Charlie’s lips as Nick worked at him. His back arched and he ran his fingers over his own chest, his nerves firing at every point of contact as they both focused on his pleasure.

“Nick, don’t want to come like this. Want you inside me baby.”

Nick let out a low moan at the invitation. His dick had been throbbing, heavy and untouched until this point, and he bounded up the bed with an excited bounce. Charlie felt his cheeks hurt, his smile was so wide at his other half’s enthusiasm. He placed his hands on Nick’s jaw and for a moment they just paused, taking in the joy on each other’s face. They really did make each other so fucking happy.

Then Nick kissed him. It was deep and strong and conveyed every ounce of desire between them.

Charlie reached down to stroke at him. He twisted his wrist as he reached the top and let his thumb swipe at Nick’s leaking cockhead. He drove Nick wild with his touch. After a moment, Nick clambered over him, crushing him just the right amount as he reached for the bedside table to retrieve their lube.

Nick worked him open, tenderly, pulling back from their enthusiastic kisses to take in the sight of the man he loved as he became lost in the ever-building sensation.

When he was ready, Nick climbed over him and pushed slowly in. He brought his mouth to Charlie’s ear and breathed a whisper that was Charlie’s name on repeat.

They moved together, and the heat between them built, so close to ecstasy they could almost taste it. Charlie grasped at Nick’s shoulders, but didn’t shy from his lover’s searching eyes this time.

“Charlie, are you here with me?”

“Always.”