Chapter Text
The images passed the window, too fast to register them, too dark to see anything anyway. But Sasuke watched still as if there was something very interesting going on, he wasn't really paying attention to them neither to the music blasting too loud in his ears nor the motion of the train.
Instead he traced the soft paper tear in his hands, he dared to look down at it again; it was a return address from an old letter, a letter sent by his brother. He looked at his other scarce belongings; a bag with two clothes changes at best, some rushedly picked toilet utilities and his wallet with all the documents he could gather and half his monthly allowance – now quarter after paying for the train ticket – he quickly looked back at the window, not allowing his thoughts to flow, not for now.
Right now what Sasuke needed was to get to his brother’s address and not break down so he would push his thoughts and feelings aside until he reached his goal. If he didn't he crumble down into nothing and he was set on arriving on one piece.
He had taken the last train and it was a good two hour ride, so it was very late at night when he arrived at Amegakure. He started getting nervous when the idea of navigating this foreign place, alone and this late finally dawned on him. He didn't have his phone with him either, he left it behind so his parents couldn't contact him. But he picked a map from the train station, marked his brother's supposed street and his route and set on his way.
He actually didn't know if Itachi lived at that address, Sasuke hadn't heard about him in years ever since he ran away from home when Sasuke was younger. The return address was from a letter sent a year ago to his parents. He didn't know the actual contents of the letter, only that it came from Itachi, so he took a hold of the return address and hid it like his most prized possession.
Itachi had been the golden child for their parents; he was a star student, he did sports and music and arts, he was responsible and mature and kind to others, everyone loved him, perfect through and through, Sasuke looked up to him and wished to be even a fraction of everything his big brother was. Though when Itachi turned a teenager he started changing, he started listening to weird music, dressing even weirder, avoiding their family and disobeying their parents. They were torn, their perfect son being corrupted by the devil and turning to queer ways, they tried everything to ‘cure’ him, – go to church more, summer camps, counselors, etc. – but it only served to drive Itachi away more. Sasuke never saw anything wrong with him, if anything, Itachi was cooler than ever and he had no problem showing his little brother his things; listened to his music with him, read him his magazines, put on his black and white makeup. Sasuke even covered for him whenever Itachi would sneak out in the middle of the night with the promise of stories of his outings the next day.
That's why the night Itachi ran away he brought all his discs, magazines and posters to Sasuke's room.
“Don't follow me,” he said. “don’t come looking for me. Don't tell mom and dad where I'm going and don't let them see this, they'll destroy all of it if they do.”
“But how long will you be gone?”
“Forever, Sasuke, I'm going away forever far away from here. Promise me you'll do the same when your time comes, but don't go where I'm going I can't promise you you'll be safe there.”
And yet here was Sasuke, in front of his brother's supposed address, promise broken after six years.
Those six years he had been everything Itachi had been before to their parents. He studied hard, he was a top athlete in school and a martial arts black belt, he loved music of course and played various instruments like piano and classic guitar and cello. He still listened to his brother's music, he did until they scratched the discs and he then went to buy new ones, he read his magazines until he memorized every word and bought new ones behind his family's back. Obviously after Itachi's stunt they became more strict and even more close minded, cursed the demonic lifestyle that took their lovely perfect son away, never skipped a Sunday service and always made sure Sasuke was the first one to set a foot in that church.
For some time even he resented Itachi for falling for the devil's machinations and running away from salvation but more than that he resented that he left Sasuke behind, he imagined the life his brother must have been living; parties, concerts, new friends that shared his lifestyle. Freedom. He felt jealous of how far away all of that was from him, his only window the scraps Itachi left behind when he finally crossed that window. Sasuke dreamed when his turn would be.
The way from the train station to Itachi's home should've taken two underground rides but by the time Sasuke arrived the metro had long since stopped so he had to walk all the way.
It was early in the morning, the sun barely peeking through, and it was very chilly for late July; his legs ached and his feet burned. Though nothing was as bad as the knot in his stomach as he raised his fist to knock at the door of the flat, he lingered there for a moment, unsure.
What if Itachi didn't want to see him?
What if he really wasn't safe?
What if he didn't live here anymore?
Was it too early to be bothering?
This was a bad idea, he shouldn't have come in the first place, he should turn around and figure things out by himself, he shouldn't bother his brother who very much verbally told him to not come looking for him.
Before he could do any of that the door opened, revealing a startled Itachi looking ready to leave, probably to work.
“Itachi…” Sasuke started saying
“Sasuke?...” He looked him up and down as if he couldn't believe who was in front of him.
“I'm, I'm sorry, I know you told me not to come for you, but, but, I'm sorry, I didn't know where else to go, and you were the only person I could think of, I'm sorry–” Tears started running down before he could notice them and he was struggling to control his breathing.
“Sasuke, Sasuke, please calm down.” Itachi holded him by the back of his head, grounding him. “What happened?”
He choked down a sob.
“Mom and dad kicked me out.”