Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sydney regrets the day she begged her dad to let her take gymnastics in the seventh grade. She had just watched the 2008 summer Olympics in Beijing and thought Shawn Johnson was the coolest person in the world. She begged her dad until he finally signed her up for a tumbling class at a nearby gym. Two classes later he was carrying her out of the gym with a broken wrist, she could still walk but he carried her anyways. Of course being the impatient and rambunctious preteen she was, she didn’t wear the sling long enough to let it heal properly. Her gymnastics dream may have died before the first snowfall of 2008, but the damage was already done.

Deciding to be a chef was such a great idea until she realized that her childhood wrist injury was going to be an obstacle she’d continue having to overcome. The first time it happened she hadn’t even considered it stemmed from her two day stint cosplaying as a future Simone Biles. It was nearing the end of her first semester at the CIA and she had certainly increased her time spent in the kitchen preparing for final demonstrations. Almost immediately she went from chopping to barely being able to hold a knife. After convincing herself and her hypochondria she wasn’t having a stroke, she hightailed it to the nearest urgent care.

“Have you ever broken it before?” the nurse asked.

“Yeah once when I was a kid.”

“Did you wear your sling the full time after the soft cast?”

“Uhhh…”

The nurse had called it aggravation of a preexisting injury and unless Sydney wanted to undergo surgery, ice and ibuprofen was the best she could do. So one ace bandage, an ice pack, and a couple of extra strength Advil later she was back in the kitchen chopping like nothing happened. Eventually the pain subsided and she thought she had once again put it behind her.

Then the zesting era happened. Somewhere between her fourth and fifth month while zesting her 5th or 50th lemon of the day the pain returned. At this point though, Sydney was a professional. She called out sick only one day and spent the entire day with her wrist elevated and under an ice pack. Her dad insisted she at least consider the surgery since she had health insurance, but Sydney was like a lioness during the hunt. Hungry and eager and stopping at nothing until she returned home with the fattest gazelle the savannah had to offer.

The third and arguably worst time was the final nail in the coffin for Sheridan Road. Sydney has promised fresh pasta to a client and on the day of she couldn’t deliver. Kneading pasta dough was a two hands job and her stupid, unhealed wrist left her unable to properly roll which resulted in dry and cracking dough. Several people at the event loved her take on lamb ragu sliders, but the woman paying her was less than impressed and cut the fire off on the already sinking hot air balloon that was her catering business. Sydney dug her old sling out of the closet that night and wore it for two weeks straight. She didn’t know if it would even help, but it was the only bandaid she had to stop her bullet wound of a culinary career from bleeding out.

She thought she had finally actually killed the ghost of gymnasts past that was haunting her. Even during the darkest days at The Beef, her wrist remained strong. Through every “fuck you” “no fuck you” she remained steady. Carmy had called her his lightning rod one time and once she got past the thought of him calling her his anything, she tried to figure out if it meant because she always stood tall and commanding in the kitchen or because she always absorbed whatever was thrown at her. She also didn’t think she liked being his lightning rod very much. When she walked out he learned that even lightning rods have limits and the excessive surge caused her breaker to trip. She flipped the switch back on for him and she told herself she’d be much more careful with his high voltage this time.

When The Bear was undergoing renovations she realized she had been right to keep him at an arm's length. He wasn’t around and she had to carry all the weight and even with only one good wrist they made it through. The weight got a bit easier to carry with the help of Natalie and then the stupid table talk happened. She could feel him listing the weight off of her with each word. That he couldn’t do it without her and he wouldn’t even want to. Then that night like a broken elevator it all came crashing down back on her. He told her she wasn’t alone and he had been half right, but it wasn’t him who kept her company. It was Richie and Natalie and Tina and Marcus and, before he got caught smoking meth, even Josh.

Carmy promised her it would never happen again. He looked into her eyes and said it like wedding vows but even more sacred. Said it like a confession, like a prayer, like a blood oath that could only be broken by death. And he actually meant it. He didn’t leave her alone physically, but mentally she was on an island in a sea of blue eyes. She just wanted to get through each day and the more time that passed the more she hated him. She said it so much she almost convinced herself that it really was hate and not just something else masked as hate. She also didn’t let herself believe that he felt something else masked as hate for her too, no matter what her gut was telling her.

She had convinced herself keeping Carmy at a distance was the best solution, but it only made both of them irritable beyond belief. They couldn’t even see each other anymore with how many wedges had been driven between them. Everyone thought they were so in sync with how they could complete each other’s moves. She knew the truth that it was less the natural flow of sand meeting sea and more the robotic procedure of an assembly line.

Eight months into The Bear is when it finally started to happen again. It started as a dull ache at the end of one day. She knew the signs and immediately left after closing, using some excuse of her dad being sick to spend as much time with her wrist above her heart and under an ice pack as possible. Carmy wanted to ask if her dad was okay, if she needed a ride, if there was anything he could do. He settled on “no problem, chef. See you tomorrow.”

Tomorrow came and the relief she was expecting to feel did not. She popped a couple more extra strength Advil and whispered the only prayer she could recall, one she had heard Richie and Natalie and even Carmy all say in unison when things in the kitchen got bad enough.

“Our mother of victory, pray for us.”

Her heart was pounding out of her chest as she put her bag into her locker and put on her white chef coat. She took her time changing her shoes and eventually found herself just sitting on the bench and staring at the lockers trying to focus on anything besides the pain in her wrist.

“Yo Syd, you good?” Richie asked as he walked past. She shook her head hoping to shake the pain too.

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry, just tired,” she forced a smile. She stood and walked into the office where she found Carmy with his eyes on a bill and his hand in his hair.

“Hey,” he said, sitting up and placing the bill aside as she walked in.

“Hey.” They stayed in silence for a moment while she contemplated telling him about her wrist. “Just uh wanted to say hey,” she finally conceded.

“Hey,” he breathed out again with something that almost resembled a laugh. She waved with her not broken wrist as she spun on her heel and headed straight for her prep station. She was chopping carrots today because one of their line chefs had called out in the middle of the night because his girlfriend was in labor.

She stared at the knife and carrots in front of her and willed herself to grab the knife. Metal clanged through the kitchen when she dropped it as soon as she flexed her hand around the handle.

“You good, ma?” Tina asked from next to her.

“Yes, chef. Just uh sore from overuse,” she lied as she attempted to flex her hand without wincing through the pain. Sydney forced a strained smile out as Tina offered her a genuine one.

“I’m heading to the farmer market so let me know if you need anything,” Tina offered. Sydney knew she meant more than just what could be found in fruit and vegetable stands.

“All good, chef. Thanks.”

Sydney was not going to let a fucking carrot punk her. People in Chicago were tough, like push through a game 5 of the NBA with the flu tough. This wasn’t nearly as hard as playing a basketball game and from what she remembered from the last time she had the flu this couldn’t possibly be as bad. Michael fucking Jordan has nothing on Sydney Adamu. Game 5 with the flu would be light work compared to this. She pushed through chopping, ignoring the metallic taste in her mouth from how hard she was biting the inside of her lip. She could sense the whispers and the stares around her, but all she could see were perfect cubes of diced carrots.

“Syd, are you okay?” Marcus finally dared to ask. It was only then that she realized some of the tears she was holding at knife point had actually begun to fall.

“I'm a fine chef,” she said through a clenched jaw.

“Are you sure? Because I can hel-”

“I’m fine, chef! Do you ask Carmy if he needs help?” she choked out through a quiet sob. The pain was impossible to ignore at this point almost radiating up her whole arm. The room stilled as all eyes were on her, including the two she really hoped weren’t.

“Back to work chefs!” Carmy roared, getting everyone back on track. All the tension left his face as he stepped up to his side and placed a hand on her back for the first time in what felt like months. “Syd what’s wrong,” he whispered softer than she had ever heard him say anything. Her wrist was visibly swollen at this point, but she kept a firm grip on the knife.

“It’s nothing,” she sniffed.

“Let me see.” He tentatively reached out and placed a hand on her wrist causing her to hiss and flinch at the contact. He returned with a softer touch as he removed the knife from her hand. He raised it to eye level realizing how bad it was. “Jesus, Syd. I gotta take you to the ER.”

“It’s fine,” she said, snatching her hand away.

“Sydney,” he steeled, locking eyes with her. One hand still on her back and the other reaching to grab her wrist as firmly as he could without hurting her. “It’s twice the size of your other one. You have to let me take you somewhere before it gets really bad.”

“It’s too late for that,” she laughed, darkly. He led her out of the kitchen and into the office as he closed the door. She sat in his chair while he paced in front of her, knuckled rubbing across his face furiously.

“What do you mean it’s too late?” Sydney heaved a sigh as she finally looked up at him.

“I broke it when I was 13 and I didn’t let it heal properly then and now it flares up and the only way to fully fix it is surgery.”

“So why don’t you get the surgery? Your benefits kicked in a few months ago”

“It’s not that simple, Carm. It’s still expensive and the recovery time is time I really don’t have to take off.”

Carmy stopped pacing and stilled right in front of her before squatting down to eye level and placing his hands on the arms of the chair.

“I can’t afford to lose you.”

Her mouth hung open at the words, unsure of how to respond.

“I mean we can’t afford to lose you. At the restaurant. If this gets worse you might risk not being able to use it at all,” he clarified.

“Right,” she nodded.

“Just let me take you to the hospital and we’ll see what the options are, okay?” he pleaded as he stood and reached out a hand. She nodded silently as she let him help her to stand. She ducked out of the office towards the lockers as she heard him whisper something to Richie. Carmy ushered her out the door as she caught the beginning of Richie addressing the kitchen.

“We can’t both be gone all of service,” Sydney shot over at Carmy from her spot in his passenger seat.

“I’ll come back once I know you’re okay.”

Twenty minutes later they were seated in the ER waiting room. Sydney’s knee was bouncing a mile a minute as her eyes darted around the room. Hospitals made her feel out of body, as if she were watching herself in the waiting room and all the things she was yelling in her head about not needing him here were trapped in a glass bottle. She started and stopped saying the same sentence four times before she finally found the resolve to ask what she wanted to say.

“Will you come back with me?” His head snapped towards her as his brows furrowed in confusion. “W-when they call my name, will you come back with me? I just really don’t like hospitals.” For the first time in all the time he’d known her, Carmy saw Sydney was scared.

“Of course,” he smiled as he reached over to grab her not broken hand. He didn’t need to ask why she didn’t like hospitals, even though he was pretty sure he knew why, the reason didn’t matter.

When they called Sydney’s name, she and Carmy walked into her assigned room hand in hand. They disconnected as she hopped up on the bed and waited for the doctor.

“Ms. Adamu?” a doctor asked as she poked her head into the room.

“Hi, Sydney is fine.”

“Hi Sydney, I’m Dr. Ashley. What brings you in tonight?” she asked as she flipped through the notes on her clipboard

“It’s uh my wrist. I broke it a long time ago and I guess it never fully healed and it’s been causing me some pain.”

Dr. Ashley approached her as she gently grabbed the wrist to rotate it. Sydney winced at the pain, causing Carmy to tense and sit straight up before remembering the doctor knows what she’s doing. He tried to relax but his thumbnail stayed glued in his mouth as he bounced his leg.

“Yeah this definitely looks like it’s causing more than just a little pain. Does this hurt?” she asked as she applied a slight pressure to Sydney’s swollen wrist causing her to yelp out in pain. Carmy actually stood to his feet this time.

“Is that necessary? She’s clearly in a lot of pain,” he protested as he watched Sydney’s contorted face from discomfort.

“I know it’s hard to see the people we love in pain, but I need to feel around to see if we’re still working with a broken bone or just a muscle issue,” she said, offering him a small smile. He felt the heat rise in his cheeks at the word love. Sydney felt her body run cold as if hearing it snapped her awake.

“It’s okay, Carm,” Sydney placated with as much of a smile as she could force.

“Okay Sydney. From my exam I think it’s safe to say the bone definitely did not fuse back together properly. My guess is it healed in a very uncomfortable position and it causes strain on the muscles around it when you exert too much force. I’m going to order some x-rays to confirm and then we can discuss next steps,” she finished with a small nod. “I’ll send a nurse in here for you shortly.”

She stepped out of the room and Carmy jumped back to his feet, suddenly crowding Sydney’s space.

“Are you okay?” he asked as his hands ghosted near her.

“Yeah I’m fine,” Sydney responded curtly. His brows strung together in confusion wondering what happened to the Sydney that was holding his hand like a little kid afraid the boogeyman would jump out.

“You sure?”

“Yes. I said I’m fine and I am. You can head back to the restaurant now.”

“Syd, I'm not leaving until I make sure you get home.”

“Why are you here?” she finally snapped. Carmy took a step back, letting the weight of her words hit him.

“I-I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said as he brought a hand up to the back of his neck.

“Well I’m fine, so you can leave.”

“Why is it so hard for you to let someone take care of you?” Sydney blinked as she turned his words over in her head.

“Not just someone, it’s you,” she whispered as she raised her head to meet his gaze.

“Uh okay. Say more,” he breathed out as he returned to his chair.

“Carm, you-”

“Sydney Adamu?” They snapped their heads to the door where the nurse was leaning in.

“Yeah that’s me,” she said as she stood up off the bed.

“I’m here to escort you to your x-ray.”

Sydney turned towards Carmy before saying, “You don’t have to wait.”

“Actually,” the nurse interjected, “the doctor wants to give you some pain medication before discharging you so you will need someone to escort you home.” Carmy bit back a smile and Sydney tried her hardest not to roll her eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he promised. Thirty minutes later, they were seated in front of Dr. Ashley once again with images of Sydney’s crooked wrist bone.

“So in order to do this properly, we’ll have to break the bone and then set it in the right place with a few, tiny screws,” she explained as she pointed at the image. Carmy listened intently as Sydney stole a few glances at him. “The recovery time will be a bit more extensive since we have to completely break the bone to set it in the right place. Eight weeks in a hard cast and then maybe another four in a sling.”

“Three months? I don’t have that kinda time,” Sydney scoffed.

“Syd.”

“Carm.”

“You don’t have to decide anything right now,” Dr. Ashley cut in. “I’m going to refer you to a surgeon and you can work with his office to schedule. Dr. Griffin is the best in the business, he’ll have you good as new in no time,” she finished as she handed Sydney the paperwork. “The nurse will be in with your pain medication and hopefully we can get you out of here soon. Good luck Sydney,” Dr. Ashley smiled before retreating from the room. The nurse quickly returned to administer the pain medication and discharge them.

They walked to the car in silence and despite Sydney’s protests, Carmy kept a hand glued to her arm until she was seated in his passenger seat. The drive to her apartment was also silent as Sydney kept her eyes glued out the window. She couldn’t help but think about how the restaurant was midway through the dinner rush right now. He pulled up to her apartment and turned the ignition off, scrambling to her side to help her out and up the stairs. It wasn’t until she was seated on her couch that he finally broke the silence.

“Syd, you have to get the surgery.”

“Carm, I can’t take that kind of time off. I can’t afford to.”

“We can work something out, I’ll talk to Nat and-”

“Please just stop,” she interjected sternly.

“Why are you so against me helping you?” he pleaded as he threw his arms up and began to pace her tiny apartment. “What could I have possibly done tha-”

“You weren’t here! You don’t get to act like you all of a sudden care about me when you’re the reason I’ve had to carry all this load in the first place.”

There it was. The truth she had been biting her tongue on since the day he came out of the walk-in. He may have been there physically, but he hadn’t been there mentally since their discussion under the table. He moved in front of her to kneel similarly to the way he’d done in the office before they went to the hospital. He tried a few times to find the words before they finally came out.

“I’ve been pretty shitty huh?” he asked. She wasn’t sure when it started, but tears had begun to stream down her face.

“You haven’t been not shitty,” she breathed out.

“I know you don’t want another apology from me, so just give me the chance to make it right. Please let me help you with this. We can’t-” he stopped before starting again, “I can’t lose you. I’d never forgive myself if I was the one to run you into the ground.”

“It might be a little late for that,” Sydney scoffed.

“I know, but just let me try.”

Sydney wasn’t sure if it was the pain medication, or the dull pain that was still shooting up her arm, but she didn’t have any fight left in her. She nodded silently as he reached for her good hand.

“I’m going to stay here tonight,” her eyes shot up at his words. “On the couch,” he clarified. “Then in the morning, we’re going to call the surgeon and see when we can get you scheduled, okay?”

After years of pretending and putting her pain in a box she kept under lock and key, she realized she couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t keep running from how she felt any longer. She risked losing everything if she did and if this was the thing, it meant too much to her to put at risk for another day.

“Okay,” she surrendered as Carmy brought a hand to her cheek to clear her tears.

“I uh, called your dad while you were getting your x-rays. You should call and let him know you’re back home.”

Sydney nodded against his hand. Everything wasn’t fixed, but perhaps with time and care, it would be. She would let Carmy hold her tonight as she cried over how much time she’d miss in the kitchen. She’d pretend not to notice when he placed a kiss on her forehead after he thought she was asleep. He’d make sure she called the doctor in the morning to schedule her surgery.

Chapter Text

“Syd?” Carmy whispered as he ran a hand over her head.

“Hm?” Sydney hummed as she rolled over. Sleep collected in the corner of her eyes and her body felt heavy as she slowly came to. The pain medicine she had been taking the last day and a half since her ER trip combined with the actual pain in her wrist were sucking all the energy out of her.

“I figured you should probably eat something.”

“What time is it?”

“It’s a little after 5.”

“You let me sleep all day?” Sydney whined as she shot up in bed.

After she called her dad last night, Carmy helped her into bed and slept next to her because she asked him to. He had woken her up this morning with breakfast to make sure she took another dose of medicine and once she was all buttered up from pancakes and pain killers, he sat with her while she called the doctor to schedule her pre-surgery appointment.

“I figured you could use the rest,” he shrugged as he moved to sit at the foot of her bed. “How’s your wrist feeling?”

“It’s a bit sore right now, but not so bad. I think that ice pack you held on it while I fell asleep after breakfast helped so uh thanks,” Sydney smiled lightly.

“Of course,” he nodded. “Your dad also called again and said he wanted to come see you. I told him you were asleep and I’d have you call him back when you woke up.”

“Oh, right. Yeah I’m sure he’s freaking out over all of this.”

“I’ll um give you a minute, I was gonna make some dinner anyways so I’ll just be in the kitchen.”

“Carm you don’t have to-”

“Syd,” he interjected. “I know, I’m doing it anyway.”

Sydney nodded as she watched him leave the room. She felt around in her bed with her good hand before finding it under a pillow. After reading through a few get well soon messages from the rest of the staff and a few direct texts from Natalie, she finally called her dad.

“Hey baby, how are you feeling?” Emmanuel asked as soon as he answered.

“I’m good, just been really tired with all the pain medicine and everything,” she sighed.

“Carmen told me they gave you some pretty strong stuff. You’re making sure not to take it on an empty stomach I hope,” he said sternly in the tone of voice only fathers can take with their children.

“Yes, dad I am. Carm has been making sure of that,” Sydney scoffed.

“Seems like he’s been taking good care of you? I might have to take back all those terrible things I thought about him,” he chuckled.

“Yeah he’s been pretty helpful,” Sydney shrugged.

“That’s good to hear. He told me you have an appointment with a surgeon tomorrow.”

“Yeah it’s tomorrow morning at 10. I’ll call you after to let you know how it goes,” Sydney finished before he could offer to take her.

“Well at least let me stop by and bring you dinner tonight?” he asked.

“Oh that’s okay, Carmy is making me something-”

“Perfect. Tell him to make enough for three. I’ll see you at 7. Love you baby!” Emmanuel hung up before she got the chance to protest. Sydney heaved a sigh as she locked her phone and stood out of bed, dragging her feet to the kitchen.

“Hey,” she whispered as she came up behind Carmy. “Smells great, chef.”

“Thanks,” he smiled over at her from his spot in front of her stove. “I decided a baked potato soup would be something nice and comforting. Keeps well too so you can have some tomorrow after Natalie takes you to the doctor.”

“Nat’s taking me?”

“Yeah. Is that okay? I wanted to take you, but our flower vendor is really fucking us and tomorrow is the only time he can meet. Plus I figured I should maybe try to be at service.”

“Yeah, yeah that’s fine,” Sydney nodded. She wanted to protest and insist she could take herself, but she didn’t have it in her to fight a losing battle. “Well I hope you made enough for three because uh my dad wants to come for dinner tonight and he’s coming tonight in like an hour so yeah,” she trailed off.

“Oh,” Carmy said as he snapped his head up to meet her gaze. “Is-is it okay that I’m here?”

“Yes! Yeah I mean he wants to have dinner with both of us.”

“Okay, well this just needs to cook down for a bit so it should be ready by the time he gets here.”

“Cool,” Sydney smiled tightly. She moved to sit on the couch and wrap a blanket around herself.

“Here, let me help,” Carm said as he fished her ice pack out of the freezer. He pulled her injured wrist from beneath the blanket as he placed a pillow under it on the back of the couch and placed the wrapped ice pack on top of it.

“Carm, you have to stop fussing over me.”

“I’m not fussing,” he snapped back, brows stringing together in the middle of his forehead.

“Carm,” Sydney deadpanned. He followed where her eyes were focused, looking down, noticing one of his hands gently cradled on top of hers while the other held an ice pack onto her wrist.

“I just want-”

“To help, I know Carm,” Sydney smiled as she placed her good hand on his shoulder. “But it’s not like you’re gonna be here all the time.”

“Yes I will,” he protested. “I’ll be here for your surgery and to take care of you afterwards.”

“I don’t know if you realize this, but we just opened a restaurant that one of us kind of needs to run.” He huffed, raking a hand through his already messy hair.

“Yeah, that did kind of happen recently didn’t it?” Carmy laughed.

“Yeah, kind of,” Sydney chuckled back.

“Okay how about we just start with this. You at least let me take you to your surgery, I’m not hearing any debate on that. It’s a non-negotiable” Carmy smirked, putting a hand up as he noticed Sydney opening her mouth to protest. Sydney nodded in response. She lowered her hand from his shoulder, placing it in her lap.

“Carm what’s gonna happen when I can’t use my hand for twelve weeks?” Sydney whispered. He sighed as he leaned back, keeping his hand on hers.

“Then you can’t use your hand for twelve weeks,” he said nonchalantly, like it wasn’t turning Sydney's whole world upside down. “It’s not forever Syd, and there will be things you can do. We can still workshop the menu together and we can still teach new menu ideas to the kitchen staff, and maybe you can get more involved with business stuff? We’ll figure it out,” he reassured.

Sydney lowered her arm off the couch as she leaned forward into his chest, wrapping her good arm around his torso. His arm snaked around her shoulders, gently pulling her into his side.

“I just don’t want to get left behind,” she admitted.

“We could never leave you behind,” he muttered, lips against the top of her head. “We’ll just change pace, that’s all.”

She envied the way he made it all seem like no big deal, like she could just take time to rest and heal and could take everything in stride when she returned. She wondered if it could be that simple. Could they be people who could take time for themselves and still be the best? Did a world exist where the price of success didn’t have to be paid in actual blood, literal sweat, and real tears? Sydney didn’t have much time to dwell on it because before she knew it, her dad was knocking at the door for dinner.

“Hello Carmen,” Emmanuel said as soon as he entered the apartment. Sydney was still seated on the couch as Carmy opened the door for her father.

“Hello, sir,” Carmy nodded slightly, stepping aside for Emmanuel to walk in.

He didn’t tell her, but Sydney could tell by his increased fidgeting that Carmy was nervous. It wasn’t that her dad disliked him, he just didn’t have the best image of him. They had finally met a few months back once Sydney had actually decided The Bear was the thing. Emmanuel had come to the restaurant for dinner and Carmy stepped out to speak with him briefly. He didn’t find Carmy nearly as charming as he found Richie or as funny as he found Natalie who both often went out of their way to speak to him, but he could see that Carmy valued Sydney more than words could express. A signed partnership agreement and a few awkward hellos in passing later and they were acquaintances at best with a shared vested interest in the injured chef currently sitting between them on the couch.

“This soup is excellent Carmen. It’s almost like you’re a chef or something,” Emmanuel joked in between bites.

“Thank you, sir.”

“You don’t have to keep calling him sir,” Sydney said through a mouthful of soup.

“Oh yes he does. I kind of like it.”

“Oh god, see? It’s already going straight to his head,” Sydney shook her head.

“Don’t mind her, Carmen. I have no idea where she gets it from,” he laughed. “But you don’t have to call me sir every single time, maybe just every other time,” he winked.

“Heard,” Carmy smiled.

“So how’s your wrist been feeling, baby?” Emmanuel asked, lightly brushing Sydney’s wrist with a hand. “It doesn’t look as swollen as the picture Carmen sent me yesterday.”

“Yeah he’s had me on a pretty strict icing schedule. It’s feeling better, more of just a dull ache now, but that might mostly be because of all the pain medication.”

“Speaking of.” Carmy stood, grabbing the orange bottle from the coffee table before handing her two small pills. “Time for your next dose.” He placed the medicine into her hand as he retreated back into the kitchen to get Sydney a glass of water.

“Well it seems like you’re being well taken care of here,” Emmanuel smiled, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Listen, I want you to come and stay with me for a few days after your surgery.”

“Dad-”

“Syd, you’re going to be in pain and unable to use one of your arms. At least for the first few days you’ll need to stay with me,” he finished sternly. “Your boyfriend can still come visit,” Emmanuel whispered for only Sydney to hear.

“Dad!” she hissed as Carmy returned with her water. “Thanks,” she smiled up at him.

“Well I better be going,” Emmanuel sighed while standing. “Sydney, call me tomorrow after your appointment. Once you know when the surgery is scheduled, we can figure out an aftercare plan. Carmen, thank you for taking care of her. I know she’s not an easy patient,” he winked again as he extended a hand for Camry to shake.

“I’m sitting right here,” Sydney whined.

“She’s been great, sir,” Carmy smiled.

Emmanuel reminded Sydney again to call and thanked Carmy for his help before departing. After cleaning the kitchen and storing the soup, Carmy joined Sydney on the couch. She was curled under a blanket, feet spread onto Carmy’s lap, half falling asleep to whatever was playing on TV.

“Syd,” Carmy whispered. “C’mon, you should go to bed.” He gently squeezed her legs to get her attention.

“No, I’m still watching this,” she protested, eyes still closed.

“If you can tell me what just happened, I’ll leave you alone.”

“Pam is trying to fix the copier and Michael is about to quit,” Sydney groaned as she stretched out on the couch.

“Syd, we're watching Parks and Rec, not The Office,” he laughed. Sydney snapped her eyes awake, shooting him a dirty look before conceding. She heaved a sigh before moving to sit up. Carmy offered a hand, helping her to stand. “You go ahead and get ready, I’ll bring you in an ice pack when you’re done.”

When Sydney emerged from the bathroom, Carmy was standing next to her bed, ice pack in hand. He smiled weakly, watching her settle under the comforter. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed next to her, grabbing her wrist and holding the ice pack to it.

“I can do this part,” Sydney offered, reaching to grab the ice pack as Carmy moved it out of her reach.

“I like doing it. Besides, you only need to ice it for a few minutes before bed.”

“Carm?”

“Yeah?” he responded, meeting her gaze.

“Will you stay with me again tonight?”

“Y-yeah. Of course. Always.”

Sydney smiled softly, moving to make room for him in her bed. It was only a full which left her side fully pressed against his as he pulled her hand into his lap to continue icing her wrist. Between the dull ache and the pain medicine, Sydney was beyond exhausted. She lowered her head against Carmy’s shoulder, watching how gently he held the ice pack against her hand.

“You’re pretty good at all this stuff,” she joked. “Maybe you were a nurse in a past life. Florence Nightingale reincarnated or some shit.”

“Who the hell is Florence Nightingale?”

“Jesus Christ, did you pay attention at all in school?” Sydney laughed, snuggling further into his shoulder. He lifted his arm up to wrap around her, pulling her even closer in.

“Not really,” he snorted. “I was always drawing these stupid pants.”

“Pants?”

“It’s kind of a long and not very exciting story,” he smiled.

“Well after my surgery I’ll be pretty bored and probably held hostage by my dad so maybe you can tell me then, deal?”

“Deal,” he answered, looking down at her.

Sydney turned to look up at him, realizing how close they were sitting when her nose brushed against his. Her eyes quickly snapped to his lips before returning to his piercing blue eyes. She wasn’t sure what gave her the courage, but she leaned up and gently placed her lips on his. His hand that had been holding the ice pack came up to cradle her face, causing her to shiver. He smiled into the kiss, opening his mouth as her tongue danced across his lip.

Sydney couldn’t keep the thoughts racing through her head straight. Carmy was sitting in her bed kissing her. The same Carmy that had abandoned her and let her down time and time again. The same Carmy that had spent the last two days making sure she literally didn’t have to lift a finger, that promised to be there for every step of her recovery. The same Carmy that had made similar promises before that he couldn’t keep. She didn’t know which version of him to believe. She hadn’t let herself spend much time indulging in her feelings for him because surely she figured someone who cared about her couldn’t treat her the way he had.

The kiss deepened as he moved to lay her down. His hand stayed on top of her wrist, gently moving it aside to keep it safe. He kissed her like it was the only thing he’d thought about doing for a long time. She brought her free hand up to the collar of his shirt, pulling him over on top of her.

“Shit!” Sydney hissed, pulling back.

“What?” Carmy asked, snapping up. “Did I hurt you?” He lifted her wrist to inspect it.

“No, uh, the ice pack. I guess it was in your lap and it fell on me,” she laughed lightly.

“Oh fuck, sorry.” He scrambled to his knees, grabbing the ice pack from where it had fallen on Sydney’s stomach, right where her shirt was riding up. “I can uh go put this away.”

“Y-yeah, I should probably try and get some sleep anyways,” Sydney finished with a finger gun that she mentally kicked herself for. “That medicine has me pretty tired.”

“Of course chef. I’ll uh be right back. As long as you still want me to-”

“Yes!” she interjected too enthusiastically. “Yeah, yeah you can um totally still come back.”

“Okay,” he smiled, retreating to the kitchen to return the ice pack to her freezer.

Sydney let out the breath she had been holding, flopping back against her pillow. Her head was still reeling from the feeling of his lips on hers and his tongue in her mouth. She didn’t realize it, but somewhere in between trying to remember exactly how his lips felt and trying to understand what this kiss even meant, she had started to fall asleep. She was still awake enough to feel him climb into bed next to her, placing another kiss on her forehead and whispering something she couldn’t quite make out before retreating to his side of the bed.

The next morning, she woke up to him holding her injured hand gently against his chest.

“Carm,” she whispered, attempting to gently nudge him awake. “Carmen,” she said again a bit more forcefully.

“Hm,” he hummed, eyes still closed.

“I think I need to start getting ready for my doctor’s appointment, I’m not sure what time it is.”

“Okay,” he mumbled.

“I kind of need my hand.”

“Oh,” he said, shooting awake. He released her hand as he moved to sit up. “Sorry.” He fumbled around for his phone reading through his missed texts from Natalie. “She’ll be here in a half hour.”

“Cool,” Sydney nodded.

“Do you um, want to talk about last night?”

“Um, maybe later? After my appointment.”

“Yeah, later. Let me know how it goes, okay?”

“Sure, yeah. I should uh probably shower before she gets here,” Sydney said as she pointed a thumb over her shoulder.

“Right, right. I should probably head out anyway. So I can stop at the apartment before I head to the restaurant,” Carmy rambled awkwardly. “I’ll uh see you later then.” He moved towards her, seeming to debate between a hug or just leaving, he settled on placing a hand on her injured wrist gently before leaving.

Sydney let out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding before stepping into her bathroom. The pain had finally started to subside so she opted for a couple ibuprofen from her medicine cabinet rather than her prescription. She didn’t have the energy to think about the last two days or the kiss or Carmy at all, so she let the steam from the shower replace the thoughts racing through her head. She emerged from the shower to an empty apartment, feeling cold. After pulling on the nearest pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, Sydney bounded down the stairs towards Natalie and her SUV.

“Hey you just missed Carm leaving-”

“I kissed your brother,” Sydney blurted, cutting her off as soon as the car door was closed.

“Uhhh good morning to you too?” Natalie returned, eyebrow quirked nearly up to her hairline.

“Sorry. Good morning, I kissed your brother,” Sydney revised.

“Oooookay,” Natalie drawled. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Nat!”

“Sorry! I just assumed you’d already been kissing my brother which is a visual I’d like to stop having by the way.”

“Why would you think that? We were barely speaking before my injury.”

“He looks at you with puppy dog eyes,” Natalie shrugged matter of factly.

“No he doesn’t,” Sydney scoffed. “Wait, does everyone think we’ve been secretly hooking up?”

“Again another visual I’d rather not have,” Natalie said as she focused her attention on the navigation sounding through her car. “And I don’t know about the hooking up part but everyone can see he’s in love with and just waiting for you to say when.”

“Say when?”

“Syd, come on. You can’t honestly tell me you didn’t notice.”

Sydney thought back to every conversation they’d had the last few months. Mostly about the restaurant, occasionally about their shitty apartments, rarely about their families or anything too personal.

“When was I supposed to notice this in between him yelling at me about pasta shapes and ignoring all my menu contributions?”

“Well he sure doesn’t have the best way of showing it,” Natalie laughed, sarcastically, “but you’re literally all he talks about.”

“That cannot possibly be true,” Sydney laughed. Her fingers twiddled with the end of a braid that had tumbled out of her scrunchie.

“So you think he kissed you for no reason? And don’t even get me started on the way he’s been the last few days with you not feeling well.”

“How’s he been?” Sydney asked, turning towards Natalie from the passenger seat.

“A mess is putting it lightly. He called me yesterday and asked if I thought it’d be weird if he offered to take down your braids until you can use your wrist and then made me help him research videos of how to take down braids because he can barely run a comb through his own hair.”

Sydney tried to fight the smile threatening to form. She had been complaining yesterday about how terrible the timing of her injury was because her braids had grown out. Only one hand had her staring down the barrel of nearly double the amount of take down time.

“Oh my god you guys are disgusting,” Natalie teased through an eye roll. Sydney threw her a fake nasty glare before turning her attention to her phone.

From: Carmy
Let me know how the appointment is. I’ll check on you after service.

They arrived at the doctor’s office a few minutes later. Natalie placed a warm hand on top of Sydney’s after noticing how fidgety she was. Several anxious moments later, Sydney was seated on a doctor’s bed, Natalie parked in the chair right next to her with a hand still on hers.

“Good Morning Sydney, I’m Dr. Griffin. I’d shake your hand, but I hear that’s the reason why you're here.”

Sydney winced at the poor attempt at a joke as he lifted her hand to inspect it.

“So I took a look at the x-rays Dr. Ashley sent over. She probably explained the surgery to you, but I’m going to go over the specifics. First I’ll make a small incision along here,” he said as he traced a gloved finger over her wrist. “We’ll go in and break the bone apart. Luckily this is a bit of a weaker bone so it’ll be easier to break,” he stood to circle the area on the x-ray board in the corner of the room.

“Next we’ll set it in the correct place and use two tiny screws to ensure it fuses in the correct position. The procedure takes about an hour and half. You’ll come in in the morning and you should be able to go home by the afternoon. We’ll prescribe you some mild painkillers, but you should be able to just take Tylenol after the first couple days.”

“How long is the recovery?” Sydney asked as she wordlessly squeezed Natalie’s hand. Three months was still ringing around in her head, but she silently prayed for a different answer. Dr. Griffin sighed as he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.

“Eight weeks if you’re really lucky. Twelve weeks more realistically. I think even then you’ll experience some soreness with prolonged use until about week 16. It’s also possible that this could be something that always causes you a small amount of pain with prolonged use because of how long it was left untreated.”

Sydney felt all the air leave her body. She could barely handle the idea of 12 weeks without her hand, let alone a lifetime of pain.

“Hey, Syd. Look at me,” Natalie whispered as she placed her free hand on her knee. “It’s okay. We’ll get through this. Just breathe,” she reassured.

“I take it that wasn’t the answer you were hoping for?”

“No,” Sydney chuckled, darkly. “Definitely not.”

“I understand that this can be a huge strain on people. The good news is depending on your job, you might be able to return in some capacity within six to eight weeks.”

“Any hope for a chef?” she chanced.

“Uhh well that’s certainly a little trickier. Let me ask you something Sydney, do you like being a chef?”

Sydney scrunched her brow, eyes darting between Dr. Griffin and Natalie, the latter giving her an encouraging nod.

“Yeah. It’s the one thing I’m really really good at.”

“Well the way I see it, you could leave here today without scheduling the surgery and keep working through the pain. I give you maybe another five years of that before it’s so damaged that you’re forced to quit. Of course you can get the surgery then, but you’ll be five years older, maybe not so fast at healing, and probably significantly more damaged. Or, you get the surgery now, face a few months' setback, and go on to have the long career you’re planning on with minimal pain from time to time. I can’t tell you what the right answer is, but I can tell you that this will be a hurdle for you no matter what. You can either jump it now while it’s still short, or jump it in the future when it’s much taller.”

Several hours later, Sydney sat in the dark on her couch. Eyes puffy from crying and leftover soup cold and forgotten on the coffee table in front of her. After her doctor’s appointment, Natalie sat with her on the couch reassuring her that everything would be okay until she finally had to leave. Sydney stayed wrapped in a blanket in the same spot, watching but not really paying attention to the television. She sent her dad a text updating him on her appointment, but she couldn’t bring herself to reach out to Carmy, hoping that Natalie had told him the worst of it.

The weight of it all seemed to be settling in as she considered the reality. There was a very high chance this is something that could still cause her trouble for life, even if the surgery went well. Her first year as CDC was hardly the time to be taking a break. There were plans and goals and timelines that this didn’t fit into. What if she could never be the same again? She knew she couldn’t continue the way she had been, masking her pain for years, but she also didn’t know if letting herself feel it all at once was the right answer either. There was nothing else she wanted more than to make a difference in the kitchen and she knew what she needed to do to give herself the best chance at it.

“Syd?” Carmy’s voice called through her apartment. He had taken her spare key so he could let himself in if she was asleep later.

“Yeah?” her voice croaked. Carmy instantly dropped his things to the ground and raced over to her when he realized she’d been crying.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

A few tears slipped from her eyes as she buried her face into Carmy’s chest. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her in tightly. They stayed silent as all of Sydney’s emotions came pouring out of her. Eventually she was able to regulate her breathing and find the words she was looking for.

“My surgery is scheduled for next week and I’m really, really scared.”

“I know, but I promise I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ll be right here with you, always.”

Carmy looked down at her, all the sincerity in the world in his eyes. All the fear in the world lied in hers as she met his gaze. She had no choice but to believe him.