Archive of Our Own ^beta

“I am Ironman.” Was something that Tony had never said with fear. He said it in front of news cameras, enemies, friends and even to himself. Because he knew that being Ironman was the most important thing he had ever done. It wasn’t a secret or something to be ashamed of because Ironman made the world a better place.

That wasn’t always his goal in life, there was a time where he didn’t care about the world. He made and sold weapons that have killed far too many people but he never really cared, it was the family business after all. Until it was one of his own bombs blowing up right in front of him changing his life forever.

He felt true fear that day. Feeling powerless and scared as he stared down at his chest wondering how fast it would take for him to bleed out. But that wasn’t the only thing that scared him, it was his life flashing before his eyes. One night stands, booze, gambling, building weapons in the basement and none of it actually meant anything. He had all the money in the world but he didn’t have anything that really mattered. The most famous mass murder was what he was called but he didn’t believe it at the time. It was about his side but the other side was the rest of the world burning and even his own team was getting killed by his own tech.

Then he built the suit, the suit that changed him from an uncaring playboy to a superhero. A hero that cared about the world, not just about himself. That’s why he is never afraid of being Ironman. He’s more afraid of being his own self. It was a long and hard path but being Ironman taught him how to be a better Tony Stark. It felt almost unreal that his life would save the whole world multiple times.

Tony felt the same fear again the one that made him feel helpless and vulnerable, when Wanda got into his head and he realized that the terrors of the universe were bigger than even he could imagine though he did anyway to the point it would keep him up at night. He thought he could make an iron suit around the world but the world told him they didn’t want that. That to be hundred percent safe would mean losing their freedom and they were right. So Tony didn’t and then the monster came. With a snap half the planet was dead and he lost the kid. A kid that just started to live, who didn’t even get to live yet. A kid that turned into dust in his arms afraid and sorry for showing that fear. A fear that Tony understood.

He tried to move on. He did move on. He still had Pepper and together they had Morgan. Morgan was the only thing he made that was absolutely perfect. So he tried to forget and move on. But then his peace was broken by an impossible request that he of course made possible. Time travel, that was amazing and terrifying. He was so afraid to lose what he had because now it mattered. It mattered so much but he couldn’t let it go. Pepper knew it and so did he. Tony couldn’t let the last thing the kid felt was fear. Not that kind of unstoppable helpless fear.

So he and the avengers assembled and they went through time. This time getting the fucking stones for themselves and with another snap billions of lives came back including the kid who was just happy to be there. He felt so at peace when he pulled Peter in for a hug. But to keep the world safe, to keep his family safe there had to be another snap. They only had one chance and he had to take it.

The gauntlet was lighter than he expected. He could feel the power humming through it and the stones seemed to shine brighter as he started at the purple fucker that he couldn’t wait to turn to dust. He was almost surprised that he wasn’t scared but he never was as he said, “I am Ironman.”

It barely hurt but it was probably from the shock. The first thing he saw was his best friend Rodney touching his face gently as a goodbye. Then the kid holding his hands with tears in his eyes and Tony was glad to know he was alive. “We won Mister Stark. You did it.” Peter was definitely crying now and he told him one last apology and Tony wished he could tell him it wasn’t his fault. Then his beautiful Pepper was in front of him and all he could do was think back on the wonderful life they shared. His perfect daughter was now all he could think about and he started to feel afraid again. Afraid of leaving her behind, of leaving them all behind.

“Tony, look at me,” He did and he saw Pepper smile, “We’re going to be okay, you can rest now.” Tony believed her. Tony finally felt himself relax, they were going to be okay and without fear he finally let go.