Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

June 1509, Marineford

Luffy had been trying to convince Crocodile to take him along for a Warlord meeting for years now; Since he was old enough to both notice his absences and to communicate his desire in a verbal manner.

Usually, his response was a flat "no" with the occasional side of "over my dead body". The fact that half of the kid's DNA came from Dragon — aka the most wanted man alive — might have been a tightly-kept secret, but Crocodile wasn't going to take any chances.

Why should he make the marines job any easier and literally bring a potential political hostage straight to their doorstep?

If it were up to him, Luffy would never leave Alabasta, outside of heavily-guarded and very short-term trips.

Luffy, of course, had different ideas. And, as children are wont to do, with age he got smarter.

To an extent.

In Crocodile's defence, he had never expected the little rascal to be bold enough to hide inside his coat for the duration of the entire trip to Marineford, only getting discovered when the marines did a customary pat-down.

Oh, he wasn't surprised that Luffy hid in there — he did so frequently — but he was surprised that he remained silent and motionless for a whole hour since the marines came to pick Crocodile up.

Honestly, he hadn't believed it was physically possible for Luffy to remain silent for that long.

But now, here he was: in Marineford, minutes before the meeting was scheduled to start (not that Crocodile cared particularly about being on time), and with only two available options: to take Luffy along into the meeting room (bad) or to leave him outside to terrorise the marines (even worse; what if the brat stumbled upon his paternal grandfather?).

Neither option was something Crocodile wanted to do, but there was a clear winner there.

With a sigh, he held Luffy's hand tightly — he knew exactly how fast the kid could disappear in some random corridor if one didn't pay enough attention — and followed the marine guide as if he hadn't already memorised the route to the meeting room years ago.

Luffy, once discovered, did not keep quiet. He chattered about everything and anything, pointing out every little thing that caught his interest.

Including-

"WOAH! Dad, look, this guy has a seagull on his head!"

-Sengoku's choice of headwear.

"That's the Fleet Admiral," Crocodile said tiredly, already knowing Luffy would refer to him as some variant of Seagull-man forever.

He went towards his usual seat, pulling Luffy into his lap while taking stock of the other Warlords present.

Kuma was sitting still as a statue by Sengoku's side, as always. If Crocodile hadn't personally seen him in action before, he honestly would have assumed the man just spent all of his time in the meeting room, remaining in the exact same pose.

Mihawk was also in — surprising, considering how rarely the man could be bothered to make it — seemingly napping with his hat pulled over his face.

Jinbe was unlikely to come, considering what Crocodile had heard of his current whereabouts, and Moria only ever showed up often enough to not get booted off the Warlord program. Boa tended to come in at the last second — not too early, not too late, spending exactly as little time in the presence of marines as was required of her — and the last Warlord... Well.

If Crocodile was lucky, he wouldn't show up to today's meeting at all.

By some miracle, Luffy remained silent once they were seated, staring between Sengoku, Kuma and Mihawk, his eyes wide and curious.

Crocodile mentally groaned at the idea of Luffy forcing him to stay behind just to question whoever he decided to settle on by the time the meeting ended.

The doors slammed open the moment the clock reached the full hour, Boa Hancock stepping into the room with a dramatic sweep of her hair.

Crocodile couldn't help but roll his eyes at that. He would never understand the theatrics some of the Warlords engaged in.

She strutted into the room with a disinterested gaze… At least until she noticed Luffy.

Reflexively, Crocodile tightened his arm around Luffy's middle even as Boa approached, settling herself in a chair right beside him instead of her customary "whichever chair is the furthest away from all you men" (her exact words, said one notable time)

"Hello there, little one," she said, her voice irritatingly soft in a way Crocodile never heard before. "Are you alright? Did the big bad man kidnap you?"

Crocodile sighed. Of course that's what she'd go with.

Luffy just giggled at that. "No, dummy!" he said, and Crocodile coughed, trying not to laugh. "That's my dad!"

Boa blinked, her eyes darting up towards Crocodile's face.

"Not a word," Crocodile said, as pleasantly as if he was talking about the weather. Whatever she had to say about the fact that he had a kid, Crocodile has heard it all before.

Damn, but he was itching for a cigar.

"Right then," Sengoku cleared his throat, still doing his level best of pretending like he was speaking to an empty room despite all the years of the Warlord program running. "I suppose that's everyone for today. Let's begin."

Crocodile let the boring details wash over him, his attention pulled between the kid fiddling with the rings on Crocodile’s hand, the intel he could potentially use for himself, and the hushed conversation Boa kept having — or at least trying to have — with Luffy.

As his father, Crocodile knew better than anyone how frustrating Luffy could be. His brain just worked on an entirely different frequency than most other people.

For some reason, though, Boa seemed content to listen to Luffy ramble about his favourite bugs in a voice which was almost loud enough to drown out Sengoku.

For a whole five minutes, Crocodile really thought this would be it.

And then the doors slammed open again.

In walked the worst eyesore Crocodile had ever had the displeasure of laying his eyes upon.

Sengoku had paused mid-word, as if expecting Doflamingo to say something — a greeting, or perhaps even more delusionally, an apology for being late — but of course, the pink fucker never did.

He walked — though that was a generous use of that verb in Crocodile’s opinion — towards the table, wasting no time before stepping onto it, settling himself cross-legged right in the middle.

Always needing to be the centre of attention, Crocodile thought with a sneer.

"We can sit on top of the table?!" Luffy yelled, excited, before wriggling out of Crocodile's grasp and clambering onto the table.

Somehow, that was the last straw; everyone's attention was now firmly on Luffy, with no one bothering to pretend like he didn't exist.

Luffy, for his part, appeared entirely unbothered — of course — as he settled himself by Doflamingo's side, pulling his feathery coat over his own shoulders.

Doflamingo looked down at Luffy, his usual smile for once absent. He seemed baffled for a moment, at least until Luffy looked up at him, deploying his most powerful weapon: the trademark perfectly-round puppy eyes.

This technique had yet to fail him, and judging by the way Doflamingo's smile slowly stretched out his lips again, his record would remain intact.

Crocodile sighed, putting his elbow on the table and resting his forehead against his hand.

If Luffy made himself an enemy of Doflamingo, it would have been bad, but manageable.

But if they got along... God save them all.

Sengoku cleared his throat again, going back to reading out information nobody was paying attention to.

"That's a child," Mihawk said, and Crocodile glanced up to see him looking at the table. He wondered what tipped the swordsman off that something interesting was happening, if Luffy's voice or Boa's conversation hadn't done the trick.

"Wow, Hawky," Doflamingo tilted his head back in a way that didn't seem entirely possible, letting himself overbalance and sprawl all over the surface of the table. "They don't joke about your keen eyesight, hmm?"

"Oh! Because Hawks have really good eyes!" Luffy offered helpfully, following Doflamingo's suit and flopping down.

Unfortunately for Doflamingo, Luffy's boney elbows were in a prime position to dig into his guts, leaving him gasping. Fortunately for Doflamingo, he did not react beyond that gasp.

If the pink nuisance had even thought about hurting his son, no force on earth would have saved him from Crocodile's wrath.

"Is he yours?" Hawks continued, as if he hadn't heard Doflamingo's words, and also proving he heard nothing else that's been said in the room previously.

Even Sengoku sighed at that, temporarily giving up on regurgitating boring information.

"Perhaps." Doflamingo answered, far too thoughtfully.

"Over my-" Crocodile began, only for Luffy himself to interrupt him.

"You could be my mom!" He offered. "I don't have one of those."

"I could be your mom," Boa grumbled, her arms crossed.

Crocodile glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow. "That would require interacting with me."

Boa didn't even bother turning her head. "...Perhaps better if I'm not."

He decided not to take that personally.

Then again, perhaps he shouldn't have reminded her he was a man; Boa, as annoying as she was, was an infinitely better choice than Doflamingo.

...Who seemed to be getting along with Luffy swimmingly.

...........Too swimmingly. Didn't he cut off a marine's entire arm for attempting to touch his glasses? Why was he letting Luffy poke at them incessantly?

"As a general, non-pointed reminder," Sengoku said casually. "This is not a kindergarden."

"Well, duh!," Luffy was the only one to answer, rolling over to stick his tongue out. "Kindergardens actually have toys!"

"Gotta say, I'm really glad I decided to show up today," Doffy added. "You, little one, are a riot."

Luffy pouted at that. "I'm not allowed to cause riots anymore," he said sagely.

Crocodile appreciated the fact he remembered that rule; He didn't appreciate the way Doffy cackled at that proclamation.

"If we may continue-" Sengoku said pointedly, shuffling his papers, and didn't wait for an answer before continuing.

"I'm taking a nap," Luffy announced.

Crocodile felt a glimmer of hope, expecting his kid to come back and sleep in his lap, as he so often did. Clearly, he had underestimated the appeal of a new playmate.

Luffy had wriggled himself more comfortably by Doflamingo's side, half-sprawled over his torso, pulling the feathery coat over himself. Doflaminog clearly didn't mind, if the way he arched his back to free the coat a bit more was any indication.

"Good idea," he said towards Luffy's already-asleep face, conking out surprisingly fast.

Mihawk seemed to be asleep again, as well, and Kuma was as awake as he ever was.

Crocodile really wished he could follow their suit. If Sengoku kept droning on — seemingly uncaring half of the room was asleep — he might just manage to do so.

But that was just wishful thinking. Eventually, Crocodile was able to take his mind off of Luffy, focusing instead on the information Sengoku seemed so interested in.

The fact that the Fleet Admiral kept quizzing them on whatever he was talking about didn't help. Though it was kind of funny to see him ask Doflamingo a question, only to get an obnoxious snore in return and no choice but to accept it.

Crocodile actually kind of doubted that Doflamingo was really asleep — it didn't seem like something he'd do in the middle of Marineford, leaving himself so vulnerable in a room full of people who hated him — but if he was faking it, he was good at it.

About an hour in, Luffy slowly pushed himself upright, his eyes still closed as he smacked his lips, hair sticking out in every direction.

Quite frankly, Crocodile had been hoping that Luffy would sleep through the entire meeting and then some, letting him remove them both from Marineford without further complications.

It was not meant to be, clearly.

Crocodile took in a deep breath, bracing himself and keeping his Devil Fruit on standby. He knew his kid. The first thing Luffy would always do after waking up was-

The kid slapped absently at Doflamingo's torso, clearly hitting something sensitive by the way the man jerked.

"Daaaaaaad," Luffy groaned, his free hand moving to rub at his eyes. "I'm hungryyyyyy."

"You're always hungry, wani-bunny," Crocodile sighed, already mourning the loss of reputation he'd suffer by the slipped-out nickname. Outstretching a hand (slightly aided the extension by turning a part of his arm into sand), he pulled on Luffy's elbow gently. "Come on, come back here. "

Luffy blinked his eyes open properly, looking between Crocodile's hand and Doflamingo's body. And then again. And again.

His kid was a lot of things, but the smartest cookie in the shed he was not.

"Mama, food!" He demanded, now slapping at Doflamingo with much more purpose.

Crocodile could barely stop himself from cursing a blue streak. "He's not your mother!" He argued, already knowing it'd be moot. When Luffy started calling people something, it'd take a minor miracle to stop him.

He thanked whichever god was willing to take the credit for the fact that Luffy's preferred name for him was "dad".

Doflamingo chuckled, slowly hefting himself up onto his elbows. "I know where the kitchens are," he offered, his smile spelling out trouble. "What say you we go and terrorise some marines-"

"Not before the meeting is over," Sengoku said, pointedly loudly.

Crocodile really loved the confirmation that the fleet admiral didn’t care for his subordinates’ mental health.

"But I'm hungry nowwwww," Luffy groaned, falling against Doflamingo's chest in an overexaggerated faint.

....He was spending too much time around Bentham.

"Hear that, Senny?" Doflamingo snuck a hand around Luffy's waist, supporting him absently, as if the eyesore had any kind of experience with children. "The child's starving. Is that what marines stand for? Starving children?"

Sengoku didn't respond, moving to pinch the bridge of his nose. While usually, Crocodile would be happy to see him like this, the fact that it was his kid and Doflamingo tag-teaming to multiply the fleet admiral's misery was kind of distracting him from any enjoyment.

"Come here, Luffy," he said, tugging at the boy's elbow one last time before bringing his hand back, rummaging through his pockets. He didn't have any meat — obviously, what kind of a moron would put meat in their pockets? Especially while going to a Warlord meeting? — but he should still have some hard candies.

"Mama said there was a kitchen, though," Luffy blinked up at him and Crocodile averted his gaze, very much not immune to the puppy eyes. "Kitchen has more food!"

He needed to stop Luffy from calling Doflamino a mother, and he needed it yesterday.

"That-" He pointed a finger at the feathery bastard, who had the gall to bring up his own hand in a who? me? gesture. "Is NOT your mother. That's Doflamingo."

Luffy turned his head, following Crocodile's finger and then looking up. And up. And a little bit higher, until he was looking right into Doflamingo's eyes.

Or, well. His glasses.

"Dofu- Dofa- Doffy!" He settled on.

It might have placed Luffy one step closer to getting eviscerated, but Crocodile could protect him from that. Having to hear him call Doflamingo "mama" was downright psychological torture. Crocodile would take that trade.

But Doflamingo didn't seem to care about the butchering of his name, his grin remaining firmly embossed upon his face.

"Your dad is being so mean, huh," he tutted disapprovingly, and Crocodile could feel a vein bulging out on his forehead. "Not letting you have yummy food, huh?"

“Mhm!” Luffy nodded in agreement, far too enthusiastic about it.

Honestly. Crocodile was hardly starving the boy!

“You are not leaving the room with my child.”

Doflamingo looked up at him, his smile turning a little bit sharper. “You could always join us-”

“And I am not losing half of you before the meeting is over,” Sengoku stressed, taking a Den Den Mushi out of his pocket.

Crocodile did not envy that little creature. He kept his own portable Mushi’s in travel boxes; He would never leave one just inside a pocket!

The fleet admiral then proceeded to call someone and ordered them to bring tea service and some food; And, because marines liked to pretend they knew how to be polite, he ordered enough for everyone rather than just Luffy.

Or, well. More than what he thought Luffy would have been capable of eating.

There was no doubt in Crocodile’s heart that not many of the Warlords would actually indulge. It would be far too easy for the marines to slip something into their drinks. If not poison or a sleeping draft, then some experimental substance with questionable purpose.

Crocodile had the displeasure of learning about some of Vegepunk’s ideas. He’d rather not possess that knowledge, but he wasn’t willing to let the doctor or any of his “memory erasing” devices near his head.

Whoever it was Sengoku had called, they must have really wanted to make the man proud. Or they just heard Luffy’s complaints over the line; Either way, they clearly hauled ass and the food showed up in the room not even fifteen minutes later.

They cautiously flitted around the table, setting up the food while ignoring both the two heathens on top of it and the way both of them kept stealing random bits from the plates.

“Luffy,” Crocodile chidded, exasperated. “You have more manners than that.”

Luffy, who was snacking on a fried chicken leg, responded to that by grabbing the whole plate of them and holding it in his lap.

…that was not at all what Crocodile had meant, but he’d take that.

His kid also seemed to be the only person indulging in the fare, save for Sengoku who took the entire pot of tea.

(If anything happened to Luffy, Crocodile would raze the whole government to the ground.)

Not even Doflamingo actually ate anything; Everything he plucked off the plates he either passed on to Luffy or threw at the marines.

It was hard to take Fleet Admiral seriously when a seagull stepped on his face to catch a morsel of food Doflamingo had thrown at him.

This seemed to be the last straw. Sengoku slapped the papers down on the table, glared at Doflamingo, and stood up with a curt “meeting adjourned” before stalking out of the room.

They all sat in shocked silence for a moment, unwilling to believe that This Actually Happened.

“Well then,” Mihawk was the first one to speak, dropping his feet to the ground with a click and getting to his feet. “I’ll be off.”

Crocodile dearly wished he could follow his lead. First, though, he’d need to figure out some way to distract Doflamingo and take Luffy away from him.

…Or Luffy would just do it for him.

The kid gingerly held a plate of something — it looked like honeyed salmon to Crocodile, though he might have been wrong — while slowly shifting on his knees, approaching the edge of the table closest to Kuma.

Doflamingo followed him for a second, before getting distracted by the papers Sengoku left behind, turning them around to read better.

Crocodile got to his feet, wary of Luffy falling off.

Boa grabbed his elbow, which was shocking enough to stop him in his tracks. Even the Empress herself seemed surprised to have done so.

“What would it cost to have you tell your child to call me Auntie?” Sha asked, her voice low.

Crocodile snorted. “Luffy will call you what Luffy will call you, I have no control over that,” he said, shaking off her hand and rounding the table.

In the brief moment of his distraction, Luffy had already reached Kuma, offering him the food with a sunny smile.

Kuma, as was typical for him, did not react. He was also crying, which Crocodile hadn’t been aware was an option.

Figuring now was his best chance, he took the plate from Luffy’s hands to set it down, grabbed his kid, and booked it out of the room and Marineford in general before Sengoku could yell at him for “breaking” his most obedient Warlord.

Chapter Text

August 1509, Marineford

Contrary to popular belief — Crocodile did catch some of the newer members of Baroque Works express surprise about that — Warlords didn't really meet up regularly. And they definitely did not meet up every week.

Getting a summons twice within the same quarter was already surprisingly close together.

Then again, the last meeting did end up getting derailed thanks to Luffy's interference.

Crocodile made very sure the boy wasn't on his person this time.

The journey passed without any excitement, just the way Crocodile liked it. If he was to be at the Government’s beck and call — to an extent, of course, as long as the position served his needs — the least they could do was make the entire endeavour uneventful.

When he entered the room, it was filled with the usual culprits: Sengoku, Kuma, Mihawk, Jinbe and Doflamingo.

Wait up, Doflamingo??.

Crocodile paused in the doorway, eyes locking in with the man. The pink nuisance stared right back — even sitting on a chair for once — grin firmly in place as he started craning his neck, trying to somehow see over Crocodile.

“Awww,” his smile fell into an overexaggerated pout. “Where’s the Little Riot?”

“Where he should be,” Crocodile grunted, moving towards his usual chair.

The chair which, purely coincidentally ended up right beside the one Doflamingo had chosen.

They didn’t have assigned seating — the Government, while incredibly stupid, was smart enough not to try that — but Crocodile knew better than to try and pick another chair further away.

Doflamingo was bold enough to just get up and move closer. Or walk right over the table to get to him.

There were still a few minutes left before the meeting was due to start. Sengoku wouldn’t begin early — not when they all knew Boa’s habits — and was now doing his level best to pretend like he wasn’t even in the room, reading through his papers.

Crocodile gave a respectful nod to Jinbe — the only person in the room who was awake enough or whom he respected enough to greet — and settled in his chair.

He could see Doflamingo’s expectant stare drilling holes into the side of his face from the corner of his eye.

Crocodile was stronger than that, though. He wouldn’t break. He wouldn’t-

“What do you want?”

The other warlord scooted forward a little. Crocodile’s brain made an unfortunate comparison to Luffy trying to sneak a treat when he’s specifically told he needs to wait.

Even if the food is right on the table and all he needs to do is wait that minute or two it would take Crocodile to serve him.

“Little Riot,” Crocodile got an impression of Doflamingo batting his eyelashes, even though he couldn’t see his eyes. “I heard he was under your coat last time-”

He outstretched his hand towards Crocodile’s back, and Crocodile didn’t feel an ounce of remorse for slapping it away with his hook.

Doflamingo had made his choice when he chose to sit on Crocodile’s left.

“He’s not here.”

“But why nottttt,” Doflamingo honest-to-god whined.

“Because he’s my child and he doesn’t belong in the marine headquarters?” He always knew Doflamingo was on the stupider side, but he didn’t think he’d need to spell something like this out. “The only reason he was here last meeting was because he snuck in and having him with me was safer than leaving him unattended.”

“Safer for the child?” Jinbe interjected, his tone a polite interest.

Crocodile snorted. “Safer for the building.”

For some reason, Sengoku coughed at that, the noise eerily similar to someone trying to cover up laughter. Then again, the old man was famously friends with Garp… Crocodile wouldn’t be surprised if he had been aware of Luffy’s exact parentage.

“He’s so much fun,” Doflamingo groaned, sprawling himself over the top of the table. At least his ass was still on the chair. “That last meeting was the best one ever. If I knew you weren’t going to bring him over again, I wouldn’t have bothered showing up.”

“Well, I’m not holding him in my pocket, and I have no intention of making him a regular participant. The doors are right there, if you’re so bored.”

Crocodile wasn’t really expecting anything. He had been making cutting comments at Doflamingo pretty much every time they crossed paths, wanting the man to stop trying to gain his attention.

He had told Doflamingo to get out — especially during the meetings, as those were the longest period of time they spent in each other’s company — dozens of times.

This was the only time Doflamingo listened to him.

“You’re right!” He chirped, lighting up with another smile.

And then got up. And left.

“Doflamingo-” Sengoku tried calling after him, but Doflamingo was too fast, disappearing out into the corridor and slamming the doors closed behind himself.

All the eyes turned towards Crocodile, just as surprised as they were.

“You can’t actually blame me for this,” he said to Sengoku preemptively. “I always say shit like this.”

Sengoku sighed, moving to rub at the bridge of his nose.

Boa chose that moment to enter, her head turned in the direction of the exit.

“I just passed Donquixote happily strutting away,” she said, befuddled. “Is the meeting already over?”

“No, he’s just…” Crocodile failed at coming up with the right description for what had just occurred.

“He elected to make use of his right not to attend some of the meetings,” Jinbe helped him out.

“Please take your seat,” Sengoku interjected quickly when it seemed like she was contemplating following in Doflamingo’s footsteps. “I do have things I want to discuss.”

Boa huffed at that, but approached the table either way. She, too, was pointedly (but less vocally) disappointed by Luffy’s absence.

If Crocodile had had any faith in his fellow Warlords before, he would have lost it after that display.

The rest of the meeting continued in its usual mediocrity.

Crocodile refused to acknowledge it felt wrong.

December 1509, Marineford

By the time the next meeting rolled around — at the very end of the year, in order to review everything they had done as some sort of a performance review — Crocodile expected it all to have returned to normal.

No more Luffy-related insanity (which, coincidentally, was the most prevalent type of insanity in his life).

The room was almost full this time — only Boa and Doflamingo missing, and both of them were people who didn’t usually show up early.

Sengoku went through some person-specific concerns and questions he had once the meeting began, trying to burn the fifteen minutes it would take for Doflamingo to finally show his feathery ass.

But then twenty minutes passed. Half an hour. An hour

Sengoku had ran out of individual topics to discuss.

Even the other warlords glanced between him, the clock and the doors, surprised to see Doflamingo absent. The man had a spotty record — like everyone sans Kuma and Sengoku himself — but the yearly review meeting was the one everyone was supposed to attend. No one really skipped it.

Except, apparently, Doflamingo.

The doors slammed open an hour and a half into the meeting. Any hopes which might have been raised by that were immediately dashed by the appearance of a petty marine hurrying in with a Den Den Mushi held on a silver platter.

…It was a peculiar way to handle snails, but who was he to criticise how marines run their office?

The Den Den Mushi had the unmistakable likeness of Doflamingo’s ugly mug plastered over its face.

Sengoku raised his eyes to the heavens before speaking up. “Hello?”

“Senny, darling,” Doflamingo purred on the other end. “You know what I’m going to ask.”

The fleet admiral’s sigh was the longest, most tortured-sounding one Crocodile had ever heard in his life.

Sengoku glanced towards Crocodile, seeming, for just a second, like he was genuinely considering something.

“No, Doflamingo,” he said eventually. “There is not a child at the yearly review meeting for the warlords. Coincidentally, you don’t seem to have arrived yet. Your presence is required.”

“Mmm, sounds like a you problem,” Doflamingo announced. “I already told you the condition for my attendance.”

He then promptly disconnected the call.

Sengoku took it better than Crocodile would have; He inhaled deeply, had the petty marine remove the snail from his sight, and continued with the actual meeting.

April 1510, Grand Line, Paradise. Alabasta, Rainbase

He wasn’t sure what leverage Doflamingo had on the Government, but it had the Fleet Admiral calling Crocodile to beg him to bring Luffy along for the next meeting.

Which was. Absolutely baffling to say the least.

“He’s a toddler.”

“I’m aware,” he could imagine Sengoku rubbing at his forehead. “But Doflamingo is insistent, and the Five Elders just want us to give him whatever he wants.”

“You realise that makes me even less willing to bring my child along?”

When there was no immediate answer, Crocodile busied himself with paperwork. The Fleet Admiral could waste his own time if he so desired, but Crocodile had no intention of sitting around and twirling his thumb uselessly.

“...I don’t want to do this,” Sengoku eventually said, sounding genuinely hesitant. “But you should be aware that I am authorised to leverage your Warlord status to make you comply.”

The pen Crocodile was holding snapped in half, spilling ink all over his hand and papers. He’d need to request copies, which would require asking people to re-do the documents, seeing as the originals went straight to him-

“You would blackmail me into endangering my own son.”

“Nothing will happen to him-”

“You want him there for Doflamingo’s entertainment,” Crocodile interrupted. “You want a pirate’s helpless child to come into the marine headquarters to entertain a psychotic asshole. You have a son, don’t you, Fleet Admiral? How would you feel if you had to send him out into a pirates’ lair?”

There was something different about the following silence; Something loaded.

Something Crocodile wasn’t aware of, but couldn’t give less of a fuck about.

“I would hate it,” Sengoku gritted out eventually. “I would hate it, but I’d have him do what is needed of him anyway.”

He’s not sure why he expected anything else from a marine.

“Advance notice,” he spat out. “I want advance notice so that I can arrive on my own ship. And permission to bring in an additional person. And snacks for the kid.”

Sengoku didn’t really have any other option but to agree.

Chapter Text

May 1510, Grandline, Paradise. Marineford

The meeting was scheduled for May 5th. Because, of course, luck was never on Crocodile’s side.

At least Luffy seemed content to spend his birthday at a Warlord meeting, excited to see “Doffy” again and already planning to introduce him to his “Bon-chan”.

Bentham wasn’t exactly the best choice for a chaperone — a young lad just a few months away from reaching his age of majority, not particularly good at fighting and with a Devil Fruit weakness as well — but Luffy loved him and Crocodile trusted him enough.

He trusted most of his subordinates with their jobs, but he wouldn’t trust just anyone with his son.

Luffy seemed far less interested in their surroundings this time around, towing both Crocodile and Bentham towards the meeting room. Or, at least, towards where he thought the meeting room was.

Crocodile had to steer him in the right direction a few times.

But they arrived without any major issues, and Luffy pushed at the doors excitedly. They were far too heavy for him to open on his own, of course, and so he had to be discreetly assisted by a helping hand or two pushing at the doors way above him.

News have spread, Crocodile supposed. He could think of no other reason for why Boa was already in the room, sitting with her legs crossed elegantly and pretending like there was no one else in the room. Taking the chair right beside Crocodile’s usual one, he couldn’t help but notice.

She lit up at the sight of Luffy, patting the chair beside her encouragingly.

Luffy didn’t hesitate, running to carefully clamber on top of the chair and then on top of the table, legs swinging in excitement once he settled.

Crocodile used that moment to take in the other people in the room. Sengoku was there, looking up at him with a relieved smile before returning to his paperwork but, interestingly — shockingly — Kuma was absent.

Jinbe was in, offering Crocodile a nod he returned, and so was Moria, messing with a pile of something unrecognisable. Once Doflamingo arrived — and Crocodile was certain he would — the only person missing would be Mihawk.

He did have a surprisingly long streak of three consecutive meetings he attended before this one. Crocodile supposed it was about time he played hooky again.

Crocodile settled on the chair Boa had initially offered to Luffy, motioning at Bentham to sit beside him. The lad did so, fiddling nervously with his fingers, eyes flitting from face to face.

The silence of the room was only broken up by Luffy’s chatter.

There were just a couple minutes left before the meeting was due to start, but it felt much longer. Finally, at the turn of the hour there was a call — one Sengoku had clearly been expecting, considering the Den Den resting by his elbow — and he picked it up instantly.

“Little Riot?” Doflamingo’s voice asked as soon as the call connected, not even waiting for Sengoku to say anything.

“Doffy!” Luffy sounded far too happy for Crocodile’s liking, quickly crawling across the expanse of the table to get closer to the Den Den. Crocodile watched his progress carefully, sand shifting underneath his skin.

“Do me a favour, little one, what do you see on the snail?”

“Huh?” Luffy tilted his head, poking at the snail’s stalk until it nearly tipped itself over to escape his grasp. “There’s just the shell and all those funny dials…”

“And its face, darling?”

Crocodile actually growled at the pet name, nails digging into the palm of his hand. He could see, from the corner of his eye, Boa and Jinbe shooting him looks, but he didn’t care.

…They seemed commiserating more than chastising, anyway.

“It’s funny!” Luffy described helpfully. At least he wasn’t cooperating, even though there was no chance he understood what, exactly, was happening. Note for the future: Doflamingo was unlikely to fall for a double-Den Den call deception. “Its eyes are just like your glasses!”

Doflamingo hummed at that, sounding far too smug for Crocodile’s liking.

Any amount of satisfaction was too much for Doflamino to deserve.

“Wonderful, sweetie, thank you,” he chirped. “I shall be there in 15.”

He ended the call unceremoniously, leaving Luffy blinking.

“Doffy?” He poked the snail, trying to stop it from falling asleep. “Helloooo~”

“He ended the call, wani-bunny,” Crocodile said, the words gentle despite the force with which he had been clenching his jaw just moments earlier. He fought to keep disgust out of his voice as he continued. “Remember what he said there at the end? He’s coming here.”

Luffy perked up at that — somewhat — but still shot a sad puppy look at the Den Den, as if that was going to do anything.

“Right then,” Sengoku sighed, waving at a nearby petty officer who scrambled to grab the Den Den. Or, at least, they tried.

“NO!” Luffy immediately protested, throwing himself over the snail and only the reinforced shell stopped it from getting crushed under the kid’s weight.

The marine stopped, glancing between Luffy and Sengoku, clearly unsure of what to do.

Sengoku glanced at Crocodile, but he just shrugged. He could hardly control what his kid did at the best of times, and he’s learned to pick his battles. The Fleet Admiral glared at him — as if Crocodile cared about that! — and called the petty marine off with an annoyed nevermind that.

Luffy, though — the clever cookie he sometimes was — clearly didn’t trust him. Grabbing the Den Den, he made his way back to Crocodile, sliding into his lap with the knowledge that it was the safest spot possible.

And that was it.

Clearly deciding that protesting would be pointless, Sangoku turned back to his papers. He got started on the meeting, confident in the knowledge that Doflamingo was going to show up.

Luffy had none of that conviction. He kept chattering at the dozing off Den Den — and this had to be the first time Crocodile saw a snail struggle to sleep while off a call — occasionally poking it with a “Doffy? Can you hear me?”.

Crocodile knew better than to try and explain it again; Boa however thought she would have better luck. After a solid ten minutes, he was almost curious how far would she try to dumb it down before giving up.

He did not get the answer to that.

Doflamingo barged into the room in the middle of her seventh attempt, the doors slamming into the walls with a noise that guaranteed something just broke.

“Doffy!” Luffy jumped excitedly, narrowly missing Crocodile’s chin with his head. He then blinked, and proceeded to lance between the Den Den and the pink menace. “Doffy?”

“Luffy doesn’t talk on Den Den’s much,” Crocodile offered casually, a propos nothing.

“That can be arranged!” Doflamingo wiggled his eyebrows — or what little of them Crocodile could see beyond his glasses — before spreading his arms dramatically. “Hello there, Little Riot!”

Crocodile couldn’t keep holding Luffy back forever, he knew as much. It didn’t make watching his child excitedly run towards Doflamingo any easier.

At least Bentham was doing his job right, always right at Luffy’s heels despite the way his hands clearly shook with nerves.

That was when Doflamingo’s shadow showed up.

Or, well, not his shadow — it was obviously another person — but they wore a coat identical to Doflamingo’s if for the fact that it was black. Their general fashion sense was just as bad as Doflamingo’s, too, but the makeup was somehow worse, a lipstick smile spanning the width of their entire face and spiky mascara dripping underneath their right eye.

And there were children underfoot.

A large teenager with a propellor hat, a tiny boy wearing a spotty hat and a murderous expression, and a small girl with a bow in her hair, clutching nervously at the edge of her dress.

They all seemed torn between staying close to Doflamingo’s shadow and keeping their distance from the man, which… Did nothing to put Crocodile at ease.

Luffy gasped when he noticed them, and Crocodile braced himself. This was Luffy’s “connecting the dots” gasp; It didn’t necessarily mean that the realisation he came to was in any way true, though.

“For my birthday?!” Luffy clasped his hands excitedly. “A party?!”

…Honestly, that was on Crocodile. It was an obvious conclusion for Luffy to reach. He should have expected that.

“Your birthday indeed, Little Riot,” Doflamingo sounded gleeful, glancing up at Crocodile. Why he was pretending like this wasn’t brand new information, Crocodile had no idea. “And, remind me, sunshine, how old would you happen to be turning?”

Luffy blinked, staring at his hands for a moment — a much too long moment — before confidently outstretching one of them. “This many!”

“Five!” That gasp was far too dramatic, not to mention just as fake as Doflamingo’s entire ass. “Wow, you’re such a big boy now, huh?”

Like any five-year-old kid would, Luffy preened under the words.

“You’re here for a meeting, not a party, Doflamingo.” Of course, Sengoku had to interrupt the moment. Not that Crocodile particularly wanted Doflamingo to keep conversing with Luffy but, still.

Interestingly, though, when Crocodile looked at the Fleet Admiral, the man’s attention was fully on Doflamingo. He didn’t spare a single glance at the children, and he very carefully avoided looking at Doflamingo’s shadow, either.

Judging by the minute tilt of Doflamingo’s head as he straightened slightly, he noticed that, too. He opened his mouth, and-

Crocodile had no idea what he was planning to say, nor would he find out any time soon. He wasn’t sure what happened — not when his attention was firmly on the Doflamingo-Sengoku line of tension — but Crocodile guessed one of the children got a little too underfoot, sending Doflamingo’s shadow sprawling to the floor.

The tension dissipated instantly. Doflamingo tsked, his attention fully on the fallen man, crossing the distance in two quick strides to haul him up by his elbow.

“Honestly, mi Corazon,” he mumbled, patting over the other man, who suffered the ministrations without a word of protest.

That was something Crocodile could have expected to happen — Doflamingo was notoriously protective of his “Family” — even if the level of his involvement seemed a bit too much; Seeing Sengoku tensing as if he had wanted to help the man up, too, was anything but.

He filed it away in his mind as something to pursue at his leisure. There was a story there and if Crocodile was lucky, it could make for good blackmail material.

“Can we get to the point already?” Boa asked, crossing her arms, clearly upset by the excited welcome Luffy offered Doflamingo. “I have better things to do with my time!”

“Luffy,” Doflamingo pointedly ignored everyone else. “This is my brother, mi Corazon. And those rascals are Baby 5, Law and Buffalo. They’re here to keep you company until the boring part is over!”

Luffy hesitated. He glanced back — Crocodile was so proud of him for that — and Crocodile nodded.

Only then did Luffy beam at the other children, waving his hand wildly.

“Hi!” He said. “I’m Luffy! I’m five! And this is Bon-chan! He’s… Like, six!”

“Seventeen,” Bentham corrected.

“Seven!”

Maybe Crocodile should check up on Luffy’s education. He had left it to a local teacher, but…

“Great,” Sengoku interjected. “Now that introductions are over, the children can leave.”

Crocodile straightened in an instant. “That wasn’t the deal.”

“The deal was one child,” the Fleet Admiral glared at him as if he didn’t essentially twist Crocodile’s arm until he brought Luffy around. “Not four. There’s a room nearby where they can spend the duration of the meeting with their babysitters.”

The idea of letting Luffy out of his sight was not something Crocodile liked. However Doflamingo seemed to be liking it even less, so Crocodile could deal with it.

There seemed to be some wordless communication between Doflamingo and his brother, and the latter nodded sharply, turning to leave the room. The children followed at Doflamingo’s urging, Bentham bringing in the rear.

Doflamingo sat on the chair Bentham vacated, back straighter than Crocodile had thought possible for him.

Clearing his throat, Sengoku started the meeting.

What followed was the most nerve-wracking half an hour of Crocodile’s life, and it’s not like he hadn’t had many experiences to pick from.

Eventually, something had to give, and the catalyst was the ringing of a snail.

It wasn’t even a full ringtone, was the thing. It was merely a single “pero” pitching in from Doflamingo’s coat pocket, and yet it had him scramble to his feet, the screech of his chair interrupting Sengoku mid-word.

“The kids,” he offered as the only explanation before setting off towards the exit.

Crocodile didn’t hesitate to follow him.

The kids meant Luffy. He knew he shouldn’t have let them all wander off into the depths of Marineford, even if it was under Bentham’s supervision-

They weren’t far, thankfully. In a room just beside the Warlords meeting, and all the kids were present and accounted for. So were Bentham and Corazon.

So was Garp.

Crocodile paused at the threshold to take in the situation, while Doflamingo continued on to join his brother.

Corazon was standing in the middle of the room, the kids piled up behind him, carefully distant but still using him as a shield. Except for Luffy who, in true Luffy fashion, clung directly to Corazon’s coat. Bentham — even though he wore Crocodile’s face at the moment — stood slightly in front of all of them, staring at Garp with more guts than Crocodile would have expected from him.

Garp himself looked incredibly displeased by their arrival, turning to scowl at Crocodile.

“Here comes the cavalry,” he muttered under his breath as Crocodile moved to join the group by Bentham’s side. Now that they stood together, Bentham shifted back to his own face.

Doflamingo had not paid any attention to the marine yet, paper rustling as Corazon updated him on the situation.

“Really?” Garp raised an eyebrow, sighing as if they were being ridiculous and, honestly, how was he expected to deal with all this nonsense? “What do you imagine is going to happen, huh?”

“Nothing good,” Bentham muttered. There was fear in his voice, Crocodile could hear as much, but he still spoke up.

Garp continued as if he didn’t hear him. “Just wanted to wish happy birthday to my grandson, is all. What, is that forbidden now?”

Now that pulled Doflamingo’s attention. Crocodile groaned mentally, cursing out Garp’s big mouth. The man couldn’t keep a secret, fine, but did he have to go around spilling Crocodile’s, too?

“If I recall correctly,” Crocodile said, his voice gravely. “And I do, you’ve disowned Luffy the second you learned I’d be the one taking point on his upbringing. You have no right to claim any familiar relation, Garp.”

“Well-”

He really wasn’t in the mood to argue with Garp.

…he didn’t have to, Crocodile realised.

Tuning out whatever bullshit Garp was spouting now, he turned towards the Donquixote group, moving to pick Luffy up.

“You’ll be leaving, I take it?” Doflamingo was eyeing him consideringly, his typical smile absent as he glanced between Crocodile and Garp.

“Sengoku should have kept a tighter leash on Garp if he didn’t want this to happen,” Crocodile shrugged. Then, to Doflamingo’s brother, “I appreciate your assistance in protecting my son.”

The man didn’t respond, but Crocodile didn’t really expect him to.

When he moved to leave, though, Doflamingo — and, in turn, the rest of his entourage — fell into step with him.

“Well, since Marineford folks decided to be party poopers,” Doflamingo’s words got a giggle out of Luffy, which was the only reason why Crocodile allowed him to continue. “Why don’t we sail alongside for a bit? We have some business on Long Ring Long Land, that’s long enough for a nice birthday party!”

“We have a reservation to get to.”

He wasn’t going to say anything else. Crocodile was fully planning on ignoring the pink nuisance until they got on the Baroque Pearl and sailed out of range-

“Is there going to be cake?” Luffy asked, and Crocodile made the mistake of glancing down at him, getting hit with the full force of his puppy eyes. “But it’s got to be without bread! Because Torao can’t eat bread.”

It was stress, he’d swear, that caused his next words, but did the cause really matter? Crocodile sighed.

“It won’t cause us any issues to parade your ugly mug around Groove 32, will it?” He directed at Doflamingo, getting an uncomfortably close look at how the man’s face lit up in joy.

“Absolutely none at all!” He assured.

Crocodile sincerely doubted that. But it’d make Luffy happy, and he needed a pick-me-up after Garp’s intrusion.

Chapter Text

July 1510, Rainbase, Alabasta, Paradise

He hated that it started to sound like a good proposition.

In what universe should "leave his only child in Doflamingo's care for a prolonged period of time" sound like a decent option???

This one, apparently.

But Crocodile had a mission to complete, a mission he couldn't pass on unless he wanted to forfeit his status as a Warlord, and he really didn’t want Luffy to be anywhere near when completing it. And he might trust Baroque Works to do their jobs, but they were hardly strong enough to keep Luffy safe all on their own.

If he put more of them on the task, maybe, but he kept his identity a secret from most of them for a reason, and he wasn’t willing to ruin it now.

Say what you want about Doflamingo — and Crocodile had a lot to say on the topic, none of it good — the man would never let anyone take Luffy away from him if given a chance to spend time with the kid.

Leaving Luffy with Doflamingo might just be the safest place in the entire world for his son when he couldn't remain within Crocodile's arm-span.

It didn't mean Crocodile had to like it.

Doflamingo, for his part, seemed to be waiting patiently, even if his kitten-heel shoes were about to make a hole in the floor with how fast he was bouncing his leg.

Letting Crocodile ruminate over the matter. Knowing that his silence would work better than any additional argument he could make.

He said all he had to, already. Luffy knew Doflamingo, liked him (for reasons Crocodile could not fathom), would be safe from the marines or any overeager bounty hunters, and the kid would have company around his own age, too.

As much as Crocodile disliked the idea of Doflamingo having children of his own, Baby 5, Buffalo and Law did not seem mistreated.

They seemed... Happy. As much as clearly-traumatised children with no counselling or psychological assistance could be happy.

...It might be good for them, too. To spend some time with Luffy. He seemed to have a healing effect on people, just by being himself.

"Fine," Crocodile spat out, hating how that one simple word made Doflamingo's entire face light up. "But only because I have literally no other choice. And just this one time!!"

"Of course, of course," Dofflamingo's tone said placating, whereas his smile said you don't believe that yourself, do you? "Just this one time. The kids will be ecstatic to have Little Riot for a sleepover!"

"Mmm," Crocodile reached for a cigar, his cravings far too strong to ignore anymore. And it's not like Luffy was currently in the room, what he couldn't inhale wouldn't hurt him. "Speaking of which. You cannot dole out retribution for any riots Luffy may or may not start. Or other damage he might cause."

Doffy's grin grew sharper. "Oh, don't worry, I have my ways of entertaining children," he said with a giggle. Crocodile refused to dwell on it.

"And I want him returned in the exact same condition he left in. Any injuries he receives, I will take directly out of your own hide."

He couldn't see Doflamingo's eyes, but he could still tell the man was rolling them.

"Have some faith in me, will you?" He said, words softer than before. "Keep in mind, if nothing else, that Little Riot is far too much fun to be around for me to risk losing the privilege. Anyone touches a hair on his head and there won't be enough left of them to find."

Exhaling the smoke, Crocodile conceded the point. Doflamingo was right; He was known for being a possessive bastard. Something leftover from his Celestial Dragon upbringing, Crocodile would wager.

If anything, the biggest issue Crocodile would encounter in this arrangement would be taking Luffy back afterwards.

"I don't like this," He mumbled, just to reiterate, and sighed. "You better get going soon."

Doflamingo straightened, pushing himself off of the desk. And then he immediately ruined it by leaning down on his elbows, clearly acting on whatever stupid idea had just entered his brain.

"Pleasure doing business with you," he purred.

Crocodile slapped a hand in his face. The asshole was lucky it was his flesh hand and not the hook, but that was the only concession he would make. "Don't make me regret this already."

With one last chuckle, Doflamingo finally deigned to leave his office.

"Little Riot!" He yelled the moment he was out in the corridor. "Oh, where are you~"

Sighing, Crocodile picked up his Den Den Mushi, dialling Bentham's number. Best to catch him up on the recent developments before he tried doing something inadvisable.

July 1510, Grand Line, Paradise

Crocodile stared past the letter with a blank look, knowing exactly who had sent him this message just by the state of the messenger.

“...I am so fucking sorry you got caught in the crossfire,” he offered to the poor News Coo seagull.

It was covered in pink, glittering splashes, with several sections of its uniform and feathers singed. There was an outline of Doflamingo’s signature glasses drawn around its eyes in something that could have been either crayon or lipstick, and a twirly moustache on the sides of its beak.

Crocodile had no idea how they managed it (or, well, no- He had some ideas, and most of them included Doflamingo’s devil fruit) but there was no doubt in his mind that it was the result of his baby and that pink menace joining their forces to cause havoc.

The seagull shook its head, the motion dripping with disdain, and pointedly preened under its wing before taking off, feathers slapping against Crocodile’s face.

He didn’t speak bird, but Crocodile was pretty sure he had just been insulted.

Letting it slide — seeing as it was, in part, his fault — he shifted his focus to the letter. The envelope, of course, was pink.

And so was the slip of paper the actual letter was written on, detailing all the fun Luffy was having in a penmanship which was definitely Doflamingo’s.

Unless the nuisance had decided to teach Luffy to write and somehow managed to get him to use a lazily elegant script.

There was a picture attached, too. It had Luffy, alongside all the children, standing in front of a table. There were signs of an entire feast left on the table, the actual leftovers few and far between.

Behind the table, there was Doflamingo’s Corazon, sitting with his face hidden by his hand, a glittery cone hat on his head and Doflamingo’s hands on his shoulders.

The actual nuisance, to Crocodile’s great amusement, ended up with half of his face outside of the frame. Judging by the blurriness of the picture, whoever took it didn’t have the steadiest of hands.

The caption, in the same handwriting as the entire letter, simply said “Rosi’s 25th Birthday! <3”.

Crocodile had no idea who the fuck Rosi was. He did recognize the man as the same guy who joined Bentham in minding the children the last time Luffy had been in Marineford, though.

Stuffing the letter and the picture back into the envelope, he put them into the inside pocket of his coat and grabbed a cigar.

Crocodile never asked Doflamingo for his Den Den number, nor had he offered his own line of communication. In hindsight, that was an obvious oversight on his part; He had assumed Doflamingo’s obsessive ass had already gotten his hands on a number.

When agreeing to let him take Luffy, he never made any demands of regular updates, either.

The fact that Doflamingo went out of his way — and exerted quite a lot of effort, if the poor News Coo messenger’s appearance was anything to go by — to deliver a note… Crocodile had no idea how to feel about that.

He’d have the time to have a crisis later, he supposed. After he bullied someone — likely Sengoku — into giving him Doflamingo’s number.

Getting blacklisted by News Coo wasn’t exactly on his bucket list.

July 1510, Grand Line, Paradise

It was a bad idea to call, he knew as much. Doflamingo would take it as a sign of something Crocodile had no intention of conveying, and he would become even more intolerable.

He had no other choice though.

Crocodile dialled the number, letting the Den Den Mushi rest on the surface of his desk as he leaned back in his chair.

Closing his eyes, he puffed out some smoke. Now that he wasn’t constantly around Luffy, he felt no need to limit himself. He was, perhaps, overindulging a little, but a couple weeks wouldn’t matter in the grand scale of things.

The constant pero-pero-pero of the Den Den Mushi trying to connect with its counterpart on the other end of the line lasted for so long that, when it finally fell through, Crocodile jerked in mild surprise.

Rolling his eyes, he redialled straight away. He didn’t care if Doflamingo was asleep or in the bathroom or otherwise occupied. He just wanted him to pick up.

It took five back-to-back redialls before the call finally connected.

“My, you’re persistent today,” Doflamingo said instantly, his tone cold and cutting. The smile stretching the Den Den’s face looked downright diabolical, and Crocodile handed the snail a leaf of lettuce to hide it. “I will not be showing up to your quaint little gathering this time-”

“You barely ever do,” Crocodile interrupted with a roll of his eyes. “It’s not the fleet admiral — obviously — it’s just me.”

“Oh!” The audible switch-up in his tone of voice was almost hilarious. “Crocky! You should have called my personal line, this is the snail I use just for the marine scum!”

“I don’t have your personal line. And, judging by the state of that poor seagull, you don’t have my number either.”

“I do!”

Of course he had. “So you tortured that News Coo animal, what, for the fun of it?”

“Yep!”

Crocodile wasn’t sure why he ever expected anything different. After all, this was Doflamingo he was talking to.

“Whatever,” he managed eventually. “Don’t do that again. I like my newspaper delivered on time, thank you. Next time, just call me.”

He didn’t even wait for Doflamingo to respond before cutting the call. He had a faint feeling of having just made a massive mistake.

Then again, he was left feeling like that after every time he interacted with Doflamingo.

July 1510, North Blue, Spider Miles

Crocodile went to personally pick Luffy up as soon as his mission finished. He didn’t even swing by Alabasta first, instead choosing to sail directly to the North Blue.

It’d take long enough to get there; He didn’t feel like prolonging the journey even more.

He hadn’t realised how stressed out he was, how much he worried over Luffy’s wellbeing, until he saw the kid waiting at the docks and he had to grab onto the railing, his knees turning into jelly.

The boy was standing at the harbour, right by the docking slip Doflamingo had dedicated for Crocodile’s sole use. He was bouncing in place, clearly excited, even though he didn’t seem to have noticed the approach of Baroque Pearl yet. His head was craned up towards Doflamingo, who seemed to be listening attentively, one of his hands holding Luffy’s.

If he hadn’t known better, Crocodile would have assumed it was just a parent out for a stroll with their child.

He did know better though.

Waving at his crew to keep going, Crocodile dissolved into sand, carrying himself over to the shore in a fraction of the time it would have taken to sail there.

By the time he rematerialized right in front of them, Luffy had already thrown himself in his general direction, despite the fact that he would have fallen into the sea had he missed.

This was exactly why Crocodile was going to go grey prematurely.

He caught Luffy into his arms, perching the boy on top of his hook as he enjoyed the embrace. Just for a moment.

Five minutes later, he felt ready to speak.

“Did you have a good time, wani-bunny?” He asked gently, knowing the answer would influence the way in which he would interact with Doflamingo.

“Uh-uh!” Luffy nodded excitedly. “We had LOTS of fun! With Torao and Five and Buffy!”

“I’m glad,” he said, finally looking up at Doflamingo. Honestly, he was shocked the nuisance remained silent for that long. He tended to be more like Luffy when it came to staying quiet.

But no; He seemed perfectly content to just stand there with Luffy’s backpack slung over his shoulder — a backpack which was much more bulging out than it had been when Crocodile dropped Luffy off — staring at them with a stupid little smile.

He thrust his hand forwards. Doflamingo startled for a second, glancing between the hand and Crocodile’s face before he realised what was being asked of him. The backpack was passed over with no more delays.

Honestly, Crocodile wasn’t really sure what to say.

Oh, he’s had plenty of ideas for how to best insult Doflamingo, how to cut him as deep as possible if Crocodile had found his services wanting. Somehow, he had never planned on what to say if Doflamingo had done, as it appeared, a sterling job.

Doflamingo, in direct contrast, seemed unable to stop running his mouth.

“Little Riot’s fed, watered, slept plenty… Already said goodbyes to all the kids with minimal crying, and most of it was done by Baby Five. All his crafts are in the backpack, and the clothes are all washed… Oh, and there’s snacks! So you can’t just dump the backpack somewhere and forget about it, unless you feel like starting a dressrossian micro-garden someplace-”

“Thank you,” Crocodile interrupted, trying to ignore the way Doflamingo beamed at the words. “I… Appreciate the lengths you’ve gone to.”

A moment of silence stretched thin between them.

“Bye, mama!”

And there was the shoe that broke the tension.

Crocodile scowled, glaring at Doflamingo, who had his hands out and trying to placate him.

“I promise that’s not- He hasn’t called me that this entire time! Have you, Little Riot?”

Luffy giggled, pressing closer against Crocodile and he could do nothing but sigh, tension seeping out of him. This was Luffy’s shit-stirring giggle; He was inclined to believe Doflamingo on that front.

“Why, Luffy?” He asked the child in his grasp.

“Dad makes a funny face when I call Doffy mama.”

Having children was massively overrated.

Using the arrival of Baroque Pearl as an excuse, he nodded to Doflamingo with a muttered “goodbye” and boarded before the crew could even think about dropping the anchor.

Taking his expression as a cue, they bustled around in order to smoothly transition into sailing back out.

“BYE, LITTLE RIOT!” Doflamingo yelled from the shore, waving wildly and attracting bewildered stares.

Luffy waved back just as enthusiastically, nearly falling out of Crocodile’s arms.

He had a feeling he might have to stomach much more of Doflamingo’s presence in the future…

But for now, he preferred to focus on his son.

“So,” he bounced Luffy up in his arms the moment Doflamingo was no longer in sight. “What have you been up to?”

“We had SO MUCH FUN-!”

Chapter Text

Early October 1510, Spider Miles

Early October had Crocodile passing through the Red Line.

Apparently one of Doflamingo’s brats — the one Luffy liked best, he got the feeling, going by how much Luffy chattered about him — was having a birthday party, and Luffy was, of course, invited.

The fact that the invitation was sent to Crocodile himself, rather than to Luffy (which would have meant his son would puppy-eyes him until he was allowed to go, taking the decision out of his hands) made him agree to it, however begrudgingly he did so.

Crocodile felt manipulated, except that Doflamingo seemed to have gone out of his way to lower his chances of success, purely in order to, what, endear himself to Crocodile? As if that was ever possible.

All it made Crocodile feel was a headache.

Nonetheless, Doflamingo had shown a modicum of respect towards Crocodile’s authority over Luffy and, as such, here they were. En-route to the North Blue.

At least it would make Luffy happy, Crocodile comforted himself as the island came into view.

There was no denying that Luffy was incredibly happy to be seeing Doflamingo’s crew again, bouncing on his feet as he waited to arrive. With every new speck of land on the horizon, he’d turn to Crocodile and ask-

“Is this the Spider Miles?”

And with every island, Crocodile would have to say, no, it wasn’t. Except that this time-

“Yes,” he sighed. “That is Spider Miles.”

He then promptly had to use his devil fruit to grab Luffy before the child could fall overboard in his excitement.

***

It didn’t take long to realize why, exactly, Doflamingo had been so careful to get them to Spider Miles for Law’s birthday. It took one small comment when Crocodile was tentatively angling to leave, and he found himself with Luffy tugging on his elbow.

“Doffy’s birthday is in two weeks!” Crocodile was informed. “Can we come, please, please, please?”

The thing was, two weeks wasn’t enough time to make it back to Alabasta, and then make the journey to Spider Miles again. Or, well, it could be, if one wanted to take one look at the island and then immediately turn back.

If they wanted to attend Doflamingo’s birthday — which Crocodile certainly didn’t want, but it’s not like Luffy would leave him much choice — they would need to stay for those two weeks.

Staring into Luffy’s wide eyes, Crocodile already knew what his answer was going to be.

Late October 1510, Spider Miles

Crocodile was valiantly ignoring whatever one of Doflamingo’s crew — Giolla or something? — was blabbering about as he stared into his cup, counting seconds till the moment they would finally be able to leave.

When Luffy came tugging on his coat, Crocodile was happy for the respite.

He was less happy when he realised the boy was uncharacteristically panicked.

“I made Rosi cry!” He whisper-yelled, a poor attempt at secrecy.

So poor, in fact, that Doflamingo managed to hear him from the other side of the table. He stood up abruptly, the chair scraping against the floor. It unbalanced, crashing down and effortlessly bringing all ongoing conversations to a halt.

Doflamingo didn’t say a word; He hardly even looked at Luffy as he stalked towards the exit, an annoyed wave of his hand stopping anyone who might have wished to follow him in their tracks.

It wasn’t going to stop Crocodile.

As the conversations tentatively picked up again, he didn’t let himself become trapped. Scooping Luffy up, he took the long way around the table, seeing how he didn’t particularly want to pull a Luffy and walk over it.

“What did you do?” He asked Luffy as he walked briskly, doing his best to catch up with Doflamingo.

“I didn’t mean to!” Luffy bawled, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I was just saying that it must be so cool to have Doffy for a brother, and Rosi looked confused, so I told him about all the birthday preparations we did over the summer even though Doffy said to keep it a secret, but I forgot until I already said it, and then he was crying!”

“That’s why he’s crying?” Doflamingo’s voice trailed towards them. Luffy’s explanation seemed to have frozen him in place, and he was half-turned towards them.

Luffy nodded, sniffling all the while.

Whatever Doflamingo was going to say to that, Crocodile never found out. A dark blur crashed into him, tossing both of them to the ground. The fact that Doflamingo didn’t bother doing anything about that was a major clue in guessing who that was before Crocodile got a good look at him.

“It’s okay, it’s alright,” Doflamingo picked himself up on his elbow, his other hand moving to card through Corazon’s hair. His younger brother was sprawled all over him, Doflamingo’s legs bracketing him as Corazon clutched at the gaudy shirt and sobbed into his neck.

Crocodile decided this was no longer his problem. Perhaps they could use their host’s distraction to make their exit…

He turned about to walk away, one hand on Luffy to prevent him from staying behind, but he was still close enough to hear the muffled words.

“Doffy.”

The voice was rough, though whether that was from disuse or all the smoking remained up in the air. It had to have been different from what Corazon sounded like the last time Doflamingo heard him, Crocodile was sure.

As he rounded the corner, he could just barely make out Doflamingo’s response.

“Hearing your voice again... This is the greatest gift I could have ever been given.”

December 1510, Rainbase

The problem with allowing Doflamingo to invite them for all those birthdays — and then showing up for said birthdays — meant that, now, the warlord felt comfortable to send Crocodile invitations for any random shit he came up with.

Including a New Year’s Party.

Crocodile rolled his eyes, letting the fancy invitation flutter down onto his desk.

“No,” he said. Then, when Doflamingo opened his mouth- “Not a word. Your brother’s birthday, alright. Law’s birthday, sure. Your own, ugh, fine. Luffy, for whatever reason, likes you all. But he has no emotional attachment to the turn of the year, so-”

“It’s a holiday!” Doflamingo said cheerfully, parking himself on the empty corner of Crocodile’s desk.

(He cleaned out the space because he was tired of Doflamingo’s ass knocking his shit to the floor. That’s all.)

“I don’t care,” he grunted, trying to get back to his work. Maybe, if he ignored Doflamingo for long enough… “We’ve got enough of our own holidays.”

Doflamingo’s grin widened. “But not New Years,” he said. “I did my research. It’d be a whole new experience for Lil Riot, all those fun traditions~”

Crocodile refused to engage, pretending to read his latest report. His eyes moved across a line reading “Mr. 1 became an unfortunate victim of the mission” and he recoiled, moving back to the start of the page.

It was just Bentham being dramatic, it seemed, talking about Daz’s hair of all things. Those two never did get along. He filed the report on the shelf someone would later empty and archive its contents, moving to pick up the next paper.

The room was too quiet.

When Crocodile looked up, it was to the sight of Doflamingo sitting exactly as he was, staring right at him, perfectly motionless.

He couldn’t see his eyes, not with the signature glasses in the way, but he suspected he knew what was hiding behind those opaque lenses.

It’s not like Doflamingo was particularly discreet about his desires. What he wanted, he blurted out-loud and then received on a silver platter.

Crocodile was sure the fact he couldn’t get him was driving the man crazy.

Doflamingo jerked his head back, looking down into his lap. He had grabbed the invitation at some point when Crocodile was reading. The edges were creased slightly from his fingers fiddling with the paper.

He could take it back for all Crocodile cared; It’s not like it mattered.

“I could just give the invitation to Little Riot,” he said, the voice uncharacteristically soft.

It took a second for the words to register. When they did, Crocodile scowled.

“You can do that, sure,” he said, nonchalant. “If you want to find yourself with a permanent ban from the entire Kingdom.”

Doflamingo grimaced, sliding off the desk. Leaving the invitation behind, he moved to pace across the room. He said nothing else, so Crocodile moved his attention back to the papers.

He didn’t mind Doflamingo’s presence too much; If nothing else, having him inside the office meant he wasn’t out there causing chaos with Luffy.

“It’s just a party!” The pink nuisance exploded, though it didn’t seem like he was aware of the fact that he was speaking out-loud. “ It’s not like I’m asking for a hand in marriage or anything…”

Crocodile ignored that second part entirely. “Exactly. It’s just a party. So why are you so determined to force us to attend?”

Whirling around, Doflamingo looked at him with surprise painted over his face, as opposed to the typical unhinged smile.

He stared for a while, before turning his head aside. “It’s important,” he said. “It’s the new beginning. We got to- To surround ourselves with the things we want to carry into the next year. Money, food, drugs, sure, but also the people we wanna keep safe. All the important stuff.”

Well. At least it was nice to have the confirmation that Doflamingo had no intention of leaving Luffy — and, by extension, Crocodile — alone in the upcoming year. Crocodile would have been so disappointed to discover that had he been allowed to hope otherwise.

…If he didn’t agree to attend this party, Doflamingo would just come up with another excuse. And Crocodile knew exactly what weird holiday happened in early February.

“Fine,” he sighed, pointing his cigar sharply at the other warlord. “But that will be it for the entire first quarter of the year, you hear me?”

Doflamingo’s blindingly bright grin distracted Crocodile from seeing whether he answered that.

Early January 1511, Spider Miles

Luffy had run off to play with the other children the moment they docked on the island, leaving Crocodile to Doflamingo’s tender mercies. At least he spared a hug to the feathery blight; That should make him slightly less insufferable.

Doflamingo did pout at that, but seemed happy enough to entertain himself with Crocodile alone, for now.

The things Luffy made him do, honestly.

One might think that trailing after Doflamingo — and he only did that because the nuisance linked their elbows together like a pretense of some old-timey aristocracy — and letting his blabbering pass through his ears would be an easy task.

But only if one didn’t know Doflamingo at all.

“-so it’s customary to kiss your partner or-” the words drifted in, and Crocodile stopped, pulling his elbow away with a sharp tug and momentary use of his fruit.

“We’re not together, Doflamingo,” he said, pointedly. “You mustn’t let your delusions blind you.”

Doflamingo flinched minutely, but his smile returned soon enough. “I know. I didn’t think you’d actually kiss me, I was just- Telling you about the tradition.”

Raising an eyebrow, Crocodile said nothing. He did, very pointedly, light a cigar though.

His previous enthusiasm was muted, but Doflamingo valiantly pressed on with his tour, greedily taking up almost all of Crocodile’s time in the approach of the party.

Doflamingo only left once his duties as a host called, to officially start the party. Crocodile did his best to avoid his notice after that. However dull the Donquixote crew members might be, they were better than Doflamingo’s constant attention.

The heart of the party seemed to be midnight. As soon as the bells started tolling in the background, a cheer went up amongst the participants, and they began to kiss everything in sight. Each-other, as Crocodile expected, but also bottles of alcohol, various other vices and, more often than not, jewelry and money. The same assortment as the things Doflamingo had listed.

When he glanced towards Luffy, he saw the boy held within Doflamingo’s arms, the pink nuisance pressing a kiss to his cheek.

He just rolled his eyes, bringing his cup up.

Things he wanted to keep, huh?

***

It was nearing 3am when Crocodile had realised he hadn’t seen Luffy in a while. Abandoning the random grunt he had been nominally conversing with, he set out for a search.

Finding Doflamingo hadn’t been an issue. Accepting the sight that met Crocodile’s eyes had taken far longer in comparison.

The man was slumped over a sofa, legs outstretched over half the room and posing a tripping hard to anyone who might want to pass by. That part wasn’t the problem, though, it was all well within Crocodile’s expectations.

The issue was that Doflamingo was soundly asleep. And with both Luffy and Baby 5 tucked against his chest.

Crocodile refused to call it adorable.

He did want his kid back — that was the whole reason why Crocodile had set out in the first place — so he carefully manoeuvred over the too-long appendages and reached to grab Luffy by his sides.

It was only thanks to his Devil Fruit and his quick reflexes that he wasn’t immediately decapitated. He froze, string passing harmlessly through what used to be his neck just seconds ago.

Doflamingo seemed bleary, the abrupt way in which he woke up clearly leaving his intoxicated brain lagging behind.

He followed his arm and his strings to where they passed through Crocodile, jolting as he took in the situation and deactivated his power.

A beat passed.

“I hadn’t realised it was you,” he said; as close to an apology as Doflamingo would likely ever get.

He didn’t stop Crocodile from reaching to grab Luffy again.

“Room-” Doflamingo said, groaning as he tried to sit upright. One of his hands moved to support Baby 5 before she could slide down his chest, but the motion seemed to have woken her up regardless. “Shit, just- Gimme a second, I’ll show you to a room-”

“....do you need me to do it?” Baby 5 immediately asked, even though her voice was still thick with sleep. She slipped out of Doflamingo’s grasp, leaning against his knee as she found her footing. “I can do it!”

“No, it’s- urgh-” Doflamingo had seemed fully determined to get up until he got a little too vertical. “Goddammit. Fine. Thank you, Baby.”

The girl beamed, grabbing Crocodile’s hand before starting to lead him away.

He went along with her, knowing better than to try and refuse.

Glancing back one last time, he saw Doflamingo who had laid back down again, his head resting back against the top of the sofa so far that his face was entirely hidden. One of his hands was rubbing at his face, while the other held his glasses in a loose grip.

Crocodile turned to face forward, feeling as if he had seen something he wasn’t supposed to.

***

By the time the morning rolled around, Crocodile was fully prepared to just grab Luffy and set sail. They could sleep on the ship, and he was getting really tired of the cold.

The conditions in which he found Luffy, however, made those tentative plans impossible.

He wasn’t hurt or anything — of course not, every inhabitant of the entire island knew better than to touch him — but he did get a little… tied up.

By his own fault, Crocodile was entirely sure.

Luffy was curled up in a makeshift pillow fort, clinging to Law tightly enough that even the touch-averse kid didn’t manage to wriggle his way out. Baby 5 was on Luffy’s other side — Crocodile didn’t doubt Luffy had told her he needed the hug — and the toddler was sprawled across all of them. And, of course, Buffalo was also there, the kid chewing on something in his sleep while the other brats used him as their main pillow.

Sighing, Crocodile turned to grab a blanket. They could leave in a couple hours, he supposed. There wasn’t really any rush.

When he turned away from the closet, having successfully retrieved a couple of the fluffiest blankets, he was startled to see Corazon sitting by the window.

The man was already looking at him, a cigarette held aloof in his hand. He was positioned in such a way that the pillow fort had hidden him out of the view of anyone entering the room.

After a tense moment, Corazon nodded sharply. He went back to his cigarette, blowing the smoke out through the barely cracked-open window.

Crocodile carefully arranged the blankets over the children, trying his best to cover as much of them as he could without covering any of their faces.

He didn’t look back as he left, but he was certain Corazon watched him go.

Doflamingo had told him his brother hated children, and there were enough little anecdotes shared with Crocodile that he was willing to believe that; But actively standing guard over them was hardly the behaviour of a hateful man.

So was his behaviour back when he first met Luffy, now that Crocodile thought about it. Corazon had stood up to Garp, letting all the children take refuge behind himself.

Something wasn’t adding up there.

“Crocky!” The appearance of the other Donquixote jolted Crocodile out of his musing. The nuisance stumbled his way over, slinging his arm over Crocodile’s shoulders in order to keep himself (somewhat) upright, an entire bottle of champagne held in his grasp. “Just the man I was looking for! I’m surprised you’re still here-”

“Luffy’s in a puppy pile with the other brats,” he informed Doflamingo, feeling gracious enough not to shrug off his arm. “We’ll leave as soon as he wakes up.”

“I wasn’t complaining! Just surprised and all- Anyways! Breakfast, what do you say?”

Crocodile sighed, rolling his eyes. “Lead the way.”

The way Doflamingo lit up, like a child being presented with a bananawani egg, was unbecoming.

It did make him look younger. Happier, too.

Crocodile looked away, letting him guide them both towards the main hall.