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Chapter Text

The succulent smell of sizzling meat wafted through Akane's home with ease, permeating every nook and cranny of the venerable structure. There was absolutely no escape from the telltale signs that a delicious and hearty breakfast was being handmade just for him out in the kitchen, and it was impossible to ignore. He had to get up and go face it head on.

Besides, as much as he might have wanted to lounge around in his big and soft bed for a few hours more, the bed was much less warm and cozy while it was so disappointingly empty. Grumbling to himself, Akane roused himself from the last vestiges of slumber as he stood up, briefly considering changing out of those pajama pants that Ranma had said were her favorite, and then started walking.

Started creeping, actually. Ranma was in the kitchen busying herself with wifely duties, and he was going to surprise her, just a little. He tiptoed out of the master bedroom and around the corner, slipped effortlessly under the noren that protected the kitchen, and then came face to face with something that took his breath away.

Ranma stood at the stove sizzling fresh pork—just for him—clad in only the overly frilly and incredibly revealing apron she must have bought to tease him.

And it was absolutely working.

Akane had to take a deep breath to calm himself as he started approaching her, still intent on taking her by surprise. She was a fantastic martial artist, and if Akane were anyone else she would have caught him by now, but he was her equal, they had risen to lofty heights of the art together, and that meant she was at his mercy. 

So in a matter of moments he managed to move forward until he stood just barely behind her as he considered how to make his play. It was fun to watch her cook for him, of course, but being mesmerized by the way she prepared omelets or made miso was something he could have done openly. She loved when he watched her work. He had to do something showier, like wrap his arms around her, and that was going to require waiting for the perfect moment.

He didn't have to wait long, however. She was a busy woman who had a lot of things to do, and that presented him with opportunities. As soon as she lifted her arms to pour a little bit of secret sauce into the miso—out of a bottle he was pretty sure was labeled as aphrodisiac, much to Akane's interest—he reached out and brought both hands under her arms and prodigious chest, and squeezed her tight.

She gasped in shock and arched her back against him, practically shoving all of her weight onto him—not that he remotely minded.

“Honeybun, you startled me!” Ranma said as puffed out her scarlet cheeks in an adorable little mock pout that did little to hide how glad she was that he'd struck when he did.

“Sorry dear, you know you're just so hard to resist.” Akane pushed his face down into her crimson hair and inhaled sharply, drawing out the many sugary citrusy scents of her shampoo. “And I know you didn't just forget to put clothes on…”

“Just what are you implying?” Ranma purred as she leaned even further against him, her soft body effortlessly sliding into place in front of him. His heart has been pounding since he had caught sight of her, but this was only making things worse. She knew what she was doing, and he hated loved that she could push his buttons so effortlessly. 

“Don't make me say it.”

“Why not? A woman has needs, Akane, and sometimes she needs to know her husband adores her…” The sweet lilting of Ranma's voice was music to Akane's ears, but it was not sweeter than the heady permission she was clearly giving him to give in to what his body demanded. He was never the kind of man to leave to a woman wanting.

Akane shifted his hands upwards, floating his fingers so that they just barely avoided caressing her soft and supple flesh, and as soon as he was sure she was anxiously awaiting his attack, his palms pounced upon her, cupping each of her-

Of her-

Akane's brain returned an error as his hands gently massaged her mostly flat chest. She might as well have only had muscles there! It was like he was pawing at the chest of a man, not his beautiful-

Akane's eyes fluttered open as he squeezed at Ranma's chest for both a third and fourth time, and got the same entirely flat sensation. It took a moment for his confused mind to switch gears enough to realize that he was back in bed, still laying down, had his nose buried in black hair that smelled faintly of grapefruit, and was squeezing something tightly…

Something warm that was pressed firmly against him, it's back arched to perfectly fit together with the way Akane had protectively curled himself around it. It could only have been Ranma, his fiancee, who was so kindly splitting their bed with him. Just the sound of her snoring was adorable, and he couldn't imagine doing anything to wake her. She was too precious, too sweet, and the only thing he wanted to do was lay there with her, savoring the sounds of her breathing for a little longer as he woke up.

But wake up he did, and that awareness made it painfully obvious that Ranma was in his bed!

Akane shoved Ranma onto the floor in a single motion, rocketing the creep onto the ground with little fanfare. 

“Wha’ whazat for?” Ranma mumbled as he slowly sat up on the ground, all while still clutching Akane's precious stuffed chicken tight!

“You crawled into my bed, you pervert!” Akane shouted, hoping Ranma would finally wake up and confess to his forbidden desire to cuddle up in bed with Akane like some smitten girl! “What did you expect me to do?!”

“S’your fault.” Ranma stretched and let out a big yawn as he sat on Akane's floor, and it took considerable willpower from Akane to put his stupid dream out of mind while he faced down the idiot in front of him. He did not need to imagine the real Ranma, the guy Ranma, clad in only an apron and sprawled out for all to see. 

“Just because I'm irresistible doesn't give you an excuse to act like this.” Akane puffed out his chest as he boasted about his attractiveness, and he successfully made Ranma avert his gaze out of embarrassment. It wasn't exactly the response Akane wanted, but he appreciated the submission all the same. 

“I don't know what you're gettin’ at, but shut it!” Ranma demanded as he slowly found the nerve to turn his gaze back up on Akane. “I asked if I could sleep on the floor in here last night, remember? You're the one who dragged pretty little ol’ me into bed with you!”

Akane blinked repeatedly at Ranma's queer choice of words. He definitely didn't remember that, just like he didn't remember the idiot asking to sleep in here at all!

“Uh-huh. Is there a reason you had to sleep ‘on my floor', then?” Akane narrowed his eyes as Ranma finally stood up and ran through a series of stretches. He ended up gratuitously putting on a show for Akane, which was definitely not welcome, and that was why Akane's face turned red out of pure irritation.

“W- well, Y- you know. Pops is off on his stupid trip…” Ranma said as he finally stopped bending out the kinks in his back and instead started poking his fingers together. “And without Zǐzhūr around, it's just really lonely in that damn guest room, okay? Fine, whatever, ain't too proud to admit it: I hate sleeping alone! Your damn house won't stop settling, the guest room's too big, and- and it ain't like I'm scared or nothin’ I just can't relax by myself!”

Ranma turned away from Akane after he gave his little speech, and unfortunately parts of that did feel familiar. Akane kinda vaguely remembered answering the door late last night, only to hear Ranma complain about having trouble sleeping. It was a dim memory though, he definitely didn't remember pulling Ranma into a bridal carry and bringing her to bed or anything, even if it would have been-

“Whatever. Try asking before I go to bed next time.” Akane shifted in place as he stared at his would-be wife, still trying to figure out why Ranma would cuddle up with him so aggressively. That wasn't a sensation either of them needed right now, and Akane really wanted to just forget, but…

But he could already feel himself missing it, and he hated himself for that. He was not like that, he wasn't gay, he didn't care about men, and he was not going to let some clingy idiot make him doubt himself! “Either way, it's morning. Maybe we're up a little early, but we're already up, so get out of my room!”

Akane's sudden decision to shout caused Ranma to flinch, and then he thankfully ended up spinning around and sashaying out of the room without another word, drawing Akane's eyes unfortunately towards the jerk’s hips. It was fine though, Ranma might have been a pest, but at least he was gone.

Akane slapped himself across the face, if only to dispel any lingering stupid thoughts, and got out of bed to face the day. 

It was unfortunately too early in the day for him to take a shower, however, so he was just going to need to hope the unasked-for tightness in his pajama pants went away on its own before anyone noticed…

After the very abrupt way Ranma's day started, he once again managed to forget that he had agreed to hang out with the girls and Akane today, which left him suddenly throwing himself into the koi pond as soon as the girls arrived to collect the first year residents of the Tendo dojo.

Actually hanging out, however, was still fun. Yuka, Sayuri, Makoto, and Shikako had all been growing on him since he moved to Furinkan. Where once he had been mostly worried about them just being girls he was stuck pretending to be friends with, he honestly found that he enjoyed getting to spend time with each of them. It had been a long time since he'd had a stable group of friends, and they made having to put up with being a girl so much more bearable.

At least, when they weren't accidentally challenging his masculinity.

Going to the movies as a group had been fine, Ranma hadn't minded going shopping today—even if they had forced Akane to buy him makeup he was never going to use—but dragging him into a cafe and putting a menu covered in parfaits in front of him was a step too far!

“W- why don't I just get the curry, or maybe a sandwich,” Ranma offered after he had to watch each of his friends enthusiastically pick out an over-the-top ice cream treat. 

“What? Are you sure you don't want the ice cream? That's why we came out here! The food’s not even that good!” Sayuri shouted, unfortunately loud enough that the staff could probably hear her.

“Maybe she's like, super lactose intolerant.” Makoto tilted her head as she stared at Ranma from across the table, and before Ranma could even feign agreement with her statement, she shook her head. “No that's not right, Ranma had all that cheese in her lunch the other day.”

“W- well they're really expensive, and I've never even had one before, so I don't want to waste that kind of money on something I might not like…” Ranma shrunk down in place as he tried to erect more defenses, but Akane just turned and smiled at him in response.

“Hey, it's no big deal. I really don't mind treating you.” Akane's stupid grin held Ranma's attention way too thoroughly, and he could have sworn the daylight streaming in through the window even glinted off of Akane's perfect teeth. It was all so cheesy, and unfortunately Ranma couldn't argue against his damn kindness.

“Woah woah woah, you've never had a parfait before?” Sayuri asked as she unfortunately latched on to the wrong part of Ranma's improvised argument. “How?!”

“Father and I didn't really have the money, you know…” Ranma started, though he realized that argument wasn't going to hold a lot of weight. He'd casually mentioned his family history of dine and dashing with all of his friends by this point, and they were going to point that out to him if he didn't distract them first. “B- but also, you know, they aren't exactly manly.”

“Oh this again.” Yuka rolled her eyes and pushed the menu back towards Ranma, her fingers already tapping at the image of a fruit ridden parfait. “You don't need to put up with your dad's crap anymore. We're ordering you a parfait, so pick one. I recommend this one, it's got a little of everything.”

“What does ice cream have to do with manliness?!” Akane demanded, only for Shikako to ignore him by leaning in front of him so she could poke at the menu too.

“Hold on, if it's Ranma's first time, shouldn't we start strong? Go for the white chocolate tiramisu one!”

“Are you sure that's a good idea? It's too rich for me,” Sayuri added, scrunching up her face slightly at the memory.

“That's why I think we should start her with something easy. A bunch of fruit, a little chocolate, some cake, it's way more accessible.” Yuka nodded her head as she made her point, and Ranma mostly found his resolve weakening.

Because honestly, this all sounded really really good.

“O- okay, I guess I can get one.” Ranma swallowed as he tried not to worry about what this act was going to say about him. He'd been spending a lot of time as a girl over the last month, had to play-act femininity almost half the time, and he did need to try to reinforce his masculinity where he could…

But it was just ice cream, right? It didn't mean anything, probably, and it was going to taste great… “I- I don't really know what I want though.” 

“You should get the strawberry kiwi one, like me.” Akane suddenly smiled yet again, his earlier anger seemingly instantaneously replaced by the desire to recommend Ranma something. “The sponge cake is tasty, and the fruits are fresh! Melon would be better, but it's out of season.”

“Ooooh he's right, you two should just get a really big one and split it!” Sayuri practically vibrated in place as she put that terrible mental image into the air, but before Ranma could complain about the idea, Yuka cleared her throat instead.

“I'd rather not watch the enthusiastic young lovers spoon-feed each other, personally.”

“H- hey, what's that supposed to mean?!” Akane demanded as he leaned away from Ranma. 

“You two are close…” Shikako added with a shrug. “It's probably not the weirdest thing you'd do.”

“She already cooks your dinners, man. You can't convince me she doesn't hand feed you.” Makoto shrugged, and despite how much Ranma wanted to lie, he and Akane both had just to blush and look away from each other in response. That had happened a few times, but it was mostly a joke!

“Well I wouldn't eat after him, that would be weird!” Ranma had only just consented to the idea of ordering one of these damn things at all, he didn't need the extra layer of weird affection that came with splitting such a personal dessert…

“Would it? Doesn't he kiss you like, all the time?” Makoto tilted her head, and that terrible question only made Ranma's cheeks burn brighter.

“Probably more than that.” Shikako started laughing, and Ranma knew he couldn't endure this for long.

“N- no, we haven't even kissed yet, and that's fine!” Ranma's voice squeaked out with more of a whine than he'd planned, and he just had to hope none of the girls misinterpreted what he was saying as he started furiously tapping at the menu. “This one, order me this one, and let's move on!”

Yuka politely flagged down the otherwise bored waiter and relayed the group’s collective orders, and it was only as she rattled off the various different parfaits that Ranma realized he had signed up for that tiramisu abomination.

It was probably going to taste fine though, as long as the coffee taste wasn't too strong. The vanilla ice cream and white chocolate chunks were gonna make up for that anyway.

Thankfully no one pressed Ranma about kissing Akane after they'd ordered, and he neither had to defend himself nor spend too long staring at the offending lips in question. There was no reason for Ranma to actually worry about what they would taste like, after all, and he didn't have a real desire to mash face with his best friend or anything. It was just a stupid idea planted in his head, some natural result of him being stuck as a girl among girls while he was fake dating a handsome guy, alongside the fact that he'd never actually really managed to kiss anyone at all…

H- he didn't even know if that was abnormal or not, honestly. Surely the other girls at the table hadn't done that kind of thing either. He didn't know why they were acting like it was inevitable! He certainly wasn't pretending to be such an easy girl that he would have done that by now! He had self control, he-

“You can stop licking your lips Ranma, they're almost here.” Shikako started laughing, but before Ranma could even check to see if she was joking or if he'd really been doing anything weird absent-mindedly, the waiter came bearing a platter of delicious food, and he diligently set a glass of ice cream with a spoon in it in front of every guest at the slightly overcrowded booth. 

Anticipation hung over Ranma and his friends for a brief moment as they said their thanks for the food, and then in a flash the battle of wills began. Ranma wasted no time warring with his inner nature. He was pretending to be a girl, girls got to eat this kind of junk, and so he dug his spoon deep into the vessel’s most vulnerable spot and carved out a massive chunk of vanilla cream, an entire ladyfinger, and a whole block of white chocolate. He immediately jammed that terrible monstrosity of flavor into his mouth, let it hit his tongue, and then-

Couldn't stop himself from making a loud guttural sound at just how much he appreciated it.

“See, I knew we had to go big!” Shikako declared as she politely ate out of her own glass, earning herself a few nods of acquiescence from everyone but Ranma.

Ranma didn't have time to nod, he simply could no longer help himself. He picked the dish of sweets up in one hand and started shoveling the food back with reckless abandon, fully intent on swallowing it all before anyone could take this gift from him.

“Was waiting for that.” Makoto laughed to herself as soon as Ranma started his display.

“I wish she'd make less of a mess,” Shikako grumbled, though Ranma wasn't an animal or anything! He wasn't going to splatter food anywhere stupid!

“Let her enjoy it,” Yuka said with another nod.

“Yeah, she's been hiding her girl side her whole life! She deserves this!” Sayuri's smile did little to stop her unfortunate statement from causing Ranma to freeze up. 

His girl side was just a curse, and part of him wanted to scream that didn't from the heavens, but it would have cost him all of his friends, prevented him from having more moments like this one, and it would have gotten Akane in a lot of trouble. He couldn't do that to the guy, especially-

Ranma's train of thought was interrupted as a soft cloth brushed against his face. It took him a few seconds of enduring the gentle touch to realize that it was nothing less than Akane tenderly cleaning off Ranma's face. The jerk didn't need to do that, he didn't need to be doting on Ranma or anything, their act didn't require him to be so damn nice…

And yet, he once again made Ranma's heart flutter all weird by doing some stupid crap like this anyway. Ranma hated it, hated feeling this way, and hated that he couldn't even really give voice to the feeling. It didn't make sense, he didn't actually want Akane, it had to just be the stupid girl side still playing tricks on his mind. It had to be.

Because the alternative was that he might have actually been starting t- to- to have- to maybe- well maybe he had a crush- b- but it couldn't be a crush, so-

“Hey, do you want some of mine?” Akane asked as he slid his half-eaten parfait towards Ranma. “This one's a little more mature than that thing you just ate, but I still think you'll like it.”

Akane let out another smile, and though it felt mildly condescending given his decision to tear down Ranma's new favorite treat, Ranma couldn't focus on it, because he had bigger issues. Every single girl at the table leaned forward and started staring! They all expected him to carve out a bit of Akane's parfait, or nod his head and agree so Akane could tip Ranma's chin up and hand feed him a delicious spoonful of ice cream and juicy fruits, b- but Ranma wasn't going to let that kind of thing happen!

He was very thankful that he had the outside seat on the booth, because it meant he was able to rocket to his feet and put distance between himself and Akane's tainted offer. He could not give into temptation. He would not let Akane drag him down this dark path!

“A- actually I think I'm full, thanks. I'm going to go freshen up in the bathroom, I'll be right back!” Ranma turned and started marching off towards the women’s restroom, only to directly bump into a girl from behind by accident. “Oh, s- sorry! I-”

Ranma's attempted apology was cut short as he took in the full view of the girl he'd hit. Her hair was stupid and poofy, she was wearing a gaudy pink leotard, and she was almost as short as his girl side was. Something about her just felt off, and he couldn't place it. 

“You should watch where you're going! Azusa could have been seriously hurt.” The girl said as she spun around and wagged her finger at Ranma. His eye twitched as she referred to herself in the most overly childish way she could, but before he could comment on it, his eyes were drawn to something else. 

She was carrying a little black piglet, whose eyes locked into Ranma's as soon as it could see him, and then the animal grew frantic. The pig writhed and ‘bwee’d as loud as it could as it tried to wriggle out of the girl’s grasp, and in a futile effort to calm it down she brought it face to face with herself tried to admonish it directly. “You're not being very nice, Charlotte! Azusa knows the mean lady woke you up from beddykins but you can't be rude to your little sister Azusa.”

Azusa even went so far as to shake the pig slightly, which caused Ranma's eyes to go wide. Not simply because he didn't think animals needed to be treated like that—though he did think she was crossing a line regardless—but because he saw a big yellow tiger striped headband unfurl around the poor piglet’s neck, and he suddenly knew who that was.

“Zǐzhūr!” Ranma reached out and snatched the poor piglet out of the girl’s hand before she could possibly think to stop him, and then pressed his temporary pet tight against his body so Azusa couldn't think of trying to steal him back. “That's my… my pig, you creep, what are you doing with him?!”

Almost like he understood, Ranma's pet calmed down immediately, nestled against Ranma's chest, and tilted his head like he was actually nodding. His little performance was certainly cute, but it wasn't going to reassure a random chick like this one.

“No, this is Charlotte, and Azusa found her fair and square!” Azusa replied as she suddenly tried to bonk Ranma on the head with an oversized toy hammer she pulled out of nowhere. He was too fast to be hit by such a basic attack, but that didn't change the fact that this girl was trying to fight him!

Normally he would have had some reluctance about hurting chicks for no reason, but this was now self-defense, and he was a girl too. Nobody would dare imply he was being some cruel guy who hit girls for fun, as long as his secret held.

“This is a boy pig! Did you not even check?!” Ranma used his free hand to intercept another incoming hammer attack, shattering the toy with a counter punch before it could possibly pose a threat to him.

Akane placed his hand on Ranma's shoulder as the guy finally stood up and approached the brewing fight between girls. For a moment, Ranma had expected him to actually do something to help, but then the idiot opened his mouth.

“Maybe you should just let her keep him. Ryoga's clearly an irresponsible pet owner. Who knows where he is right now,” Akane said as he tried to smile at Ranma yet again, but he was forced to flinch instead as she turned to face him with almost literal fire burning behind her white-hot glare that threatened to turn him into ash. She was not going to give up Ryoga's pig to some weirdo!

“There is no other pet owner, Azusa found Charlotte fair and square! Give her back!” Azusa repeated as she produced a very real wooden mallet and tried to hit Ranma with that instead. Fortunately, Akane blocked that incoming attack for Ranma, pulled the weapon out of Azusa’s hands, and casually tossed it out of sight behind him. “How could you do that to Marlene?! Why are you people so mean?”

“If it's her pig you need to let her keep it, Azusa,” said an only slightly tall man with pretty average features as he finally turned from the counter bearing two cups of steaming hot coffee—which put Ranma on edge. He really didn't need to reveal his curse in front of his friends, especially after being so girly earlier! “I'm very sorry about my partner, she can be excitable. She really didn't mean you any harm, Ms…”

“R- Ranma.” 

“Ranma. What a beautiful name for a beautiful woman.” The man leaned forward to smile in Ranma's face, which only made Ranma more nervous. “Oh, but where are my manners? You can call me Mikado, and it's so nice to meet you, fair princesses.”

The man grabbed Ranma by the hand and bent his face down to kiss Ranma's hand, but before Ranma could even do anything to get away from the creep, Akane intervened. Akane grabbed Mikado by the scruff of his foppish shirt, pulling the weirdo at least a centimeter off of the ground.

“You leave her alone, got that pretty boy?” Akane demanded as he shook the guy once, but Mikado abruptly kicked Akane back with surprising force, which revealed that he had to be some kind of martial artist.

“Leave her alone? Why I was simply trying to apologize for my partner’s misdeeds,” Mikado insisted, putting a hand on his chest in mock insult before he dramatically pointed at Akane. “Do you have a reason for interrupting that sacred rite? You wouldn't be trying to challenge me, would you? Very well, I accept.”

Ranma inhaled sharply as the situation continues to escalate, and while part of him had to admit that Akane's timely intervention was satisfying and welcome, it was also completely unnecessary! He didn't need his faux boyfriend to fight his battles for him! He definitely didn't need his fake fiance to force butterflies into his stomach like this! Sure, this other guy was clearly trying to hit on him, and had even called him beautiful and a princess, but that was no reason for Akane to get so possessive or aggressive!

Even if it was kind of sweet…

“Well I was planning to just knock your lights out right here, but if that's how you want this, who am I to refuse?” Akane cracked his neck and knuckles for show as he awaited the terms of the challenge, all while Ranma tried to stay focused on that girl.

She'd been eerily silent since the guy showed up, and now she was smirking.  

“Good. The match is figure skating. How long will you need to get ready to lose, little man?” Mikado rolled his neck as well as he stared up at Akane—who continued to unfairly tower over most men.

“Oh, is that how you want to be humiliated? Okay, jerk, but I should warn you now, I'm pretty good on skates.” Akane folded his arms and leaned back, all to present himself as bored and in control. “I wouldn't need more than a few days, we just need to find a location, get a crowd…”

“You don't need to worry about that. The Kolkhoz High School skating rink is the perfect place to put a boy like you in his place,” Mikado said before dismissively shrugging his shoulders. “I’ll make the arrangements for after school on Wednesday. ”

“And you'll make it doubles!” Azusa interjected as she held her finger out at Ranma. “Azusa wants to fight her, too! If she loses, she has to give us back our widdle Charlotte!”

“No deal. This is a duel between men!” Akane jabbed a thumb towards his chest as he made that proclamation, and regardless of the ust he meant by his words, Ranma simply felt his cheeks go hot with anger.

Ranma was a guy! Ranma had every right to get in fights! Akane had been encouraging him to lay down the law on the loser guys at school, so why was Akane trying to cut Ranma out now?!

D- did he really think of her as a woman?

Well it didn't matter what the bastard thought! Ranma wasn't going to let him get in the way!

“You're on!” Ranma shouted as he hooked his free hand around Akane's arm, like any good and devoted girlfriend. “Akane and I can handle anything you two can throw at us!”

“R- Ranma…” Akane said as embarrassment flooded his face.

“Interesting… I think we’ll have quite a fun match ahead of us then…” Mikado stroked his chin slowly as he let himself get lost in thought, and it took a few moments before he continued. “Very well, I look forward to getting to you in your gorgeous costume this Wednesday, my fairest Ranma.”

Unable to grab either of Ranma's arms now that he was holding a pig and his pseudoboyfriend, Mikado turned and started to walk off. Azusa pulled down her eyelid and stuck out her tongue before she followed along with him, leaving Ranma and Akane standing there like idiots.

“Wow, you two get to do couples figure skating?! How cute!” Sayuri said as she walked up to the pair, smiling far brighter than Ranma had expected. He'd sort of forgotten they were with anyone, in the haze of getting his pet back. 

“Why did you steal that girl’s pig?” Yuka scratched her head as she looked down at Zǐzhūr, and Ranma only then realized that he had to look like a weirdo.

“He's not hers. This is Ryoga’s pig, don't you recognize the headband?” Ranma tugged at the garment for emphasis, but all four of Ranma's other friends tilted their head in unison.

“Not really. I only saw him during the fight. He was cute, but the headband wasn't what I was focused on…” Shikako said, accidentally blushing in unison with Zǐzhūr, who was probably overheating from being pulled so tightly against Ranma's chest.

“Yeah, and he was pretty far away then, too,” Makoto added with a nod. “I got a better look at him when he'd attacked us the week before, but I was more interested in him and Akane almost kissing.”

“We were not kissing! We were arguing!” Akane stomped towards Makoto, who simply laughed at his anger. Sufficiently discouraged, Akane shook his head and turned his attention to Ranma instead. “You didn't need to agree to the competition, Ranma. I know you wanted to defend P-chan or whatever, but I could have won everything on my own.”

“P-chan?” Ranma wanted to be irritated at Akane's repeated attempt to diminish him, but he ended up just being confused as he tried to process that thing Akane had just said. “What's a P-chan?”

“You know, like… the English word pig, but also he's little. Look, I don't know how to pronounce that thing you keep calling him, but P-chan has the same meaning, right? ” Akane shrugged as he stared at the pig in question. It was cute of Akane to name the pig considering how jealous he was of Ryoga's pet, but Ranma still wished Akane would leave the little guy alone.

“You're going to need her,” Makoto said as she put another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth. “Do you know who you just challenged? That was Mikado Sanzenin and Azusa Shiratori, the golden pair of skating over at Kolkhoz High.”

Ranma and Akane both rolled their eyes and ended up leaning against each other after they turned to face Makoto. They were two of the best Anything-Goes practitioners in the world, they could beat some skating obsessed losers at their own game, no problem, no matter what…

Even though Ranma wasn't sure he really knew how to skate. He’d gotten better as a martial artist since last time, so he could probably conquer the rink with ease, now.

“You just happen to know who they are, Makoto?” Akane asked as he folded his arms.

“Sure, I watch all sorts of competitions.” Makoto shrugged off Akane's question, and mostly busied herself with the last of her food. 

“Well I'm sure you two won't have to worry as long as you're together. I doubt those two are ready to face the Demon King and Queen of Furinkan!” Sayuri clasped her hands together right as she said Akane's title, but her enthusiasm turned unsettling for Ranma once he'd realized he'd been included in that over-the-top epithet.

“D- Demon Queen?” Ranma asked, barely noticing as he squeezed his pig for comfort, and leaned against Akane harder.

“It was only a matter of time, right? You have been beating guys up around campus these last two weeks,” Shikako said, though Ranma tensed up since he knew that wasn't the only reason.

“And you are engaged to Akane, right? I'm sure Demon Princess sounds a lot more fun, but your fiance’s already the king, you have to be his queen!” Sayuri grinned far too widely as she implied Ranma would ever want to be a princess, and Ranma just had to take a deep breath to stop himself from focusing on the implications.

“I guess you could be like, the Demon King’s Concubine, or something,” Makoto offered, her words casually making everything so much worse! Ranma needed to diligently not imagine being a concubine of any kind, especially not for some royal monster named Akane…

“But he loves you too much to treat you like that.” Yuka nodded her head, smiling as well. Her words made Ranma's heartbeat skip like it always did when someone implied that obvious lie, but he didn't have time to think about that considering Akane chose that moment to sidestep away from him.

Ranma barely managed to maintain his balance, but wasn't going to complain. He understood Akane's reluctance well enough, especially considering they were both now blushing and struggling to look at each other.

“W- well, whatever they call us doesn't matter, I know we’re two amazing athletes. All I need is a couple of days to get on Ranma's level, and we’ll destroy them!” Akane proudly shot a finger straight up towards the heavens, and despite how much Ranma wanted to laugh at the silly gesture, he found himself nodding in agreement.

They could handle this! They just needed a little practice!

Lacing up his rented skates, Akane took a deep breath as he prepared himself for a grueling exercise regimen. Ranma was always a monster when it came to working out, and he fully expected that the girl getting ready beside him was going to push him to his absolute limits once they set foot on the ice. She had to, considering she was competing for nothing less than-

Well, Ryoga.

Akane hated that he hadn't been able to make her see the light about that stupid piglet yet, but there would be time for that later. Akane felt a little stupid competing over the pig himself, but he mostly just wanted to prove a point. He needed to establish the honor of Anything-Goes, remind the world of his skill, and make sure no weird creeps thought they could get all close to his fiancee and try to hold her hand or kiss it or whatever! Dealing with just Ryoga was bad enough!

N- not that it actually mattered, of course. Ranma was a boy, no matter how cute he looked in the little skirt he was wearing. Akane only cared about defending his fake claim to her heart because it would have been bad for his reputation! He didn't want any real future girlfriends he ended up having to think he was an inattentive partner who wouldn't care for or protect them! That was the only reason he was ever jealous over a boy like Ranma…

Probably.

“Awright, I say we train as hard as we can for a few hours, break for lunch at the mall next door, then get back to it,” Akane said as he took her delicate hand in his own. She looked up at him and nodded with one of those cute little smiles on her face, and he knew-

“Don't get ahead of yourself, Akane! She's my training partner!” shouted a voice from their left, and Akane had to admit he was genuinely surprised to see Ryoga running towards them, already suited up for ice skating as well. Akane had spent a lot of effort convincing Ranma to leave ‘P-chan’ back at home with Kasumi, specifically so he wouldn't be here!

“Your training partner for what, ‘P-chan’? Who told you we were going ice skating…” Akane asked as he stood up to face his foe.

“Why do you keep calling things P-chan?” Ranma sighed as she stood up as well, only to snatch her hand free from his so she could wave at Ryoga. “Hey man! It's been a while! Good to see you!”

“H- hey Ranma, I uh, I'm glad to see you too! I- I- I kind of heard that you w- were fighting for my pig’s safety, a- and I mean he's my pig, so I figured I should fight too…” Ryoga rubbed the back of his neck and tried to grin his way through his stupid awkwardness. It would have been so easy to splash the jerk with cold water right now… if Akane had any on hand, and if Ranma wouldn't have somehow stopped him before a single drop touched the jerk.

“Hope you didn't mind us bringing him!” shouted Sayuri as she too started to approach the trio with their other friends right behind her. “We found him on the way over, and he really really wanted to see Ranma.”

“Well I don't mind, I'd love to see Ryoga in action! Then I can pick whichever guy is a better skater.” Ranma put his hands behind his head and started laughing, apparently fully willing to treat Akane like some kind of half-trained dog at the pound! 

Her attitude didn't really matter, though. Akane was the one who had been originally challenged, and there was no way Akane was going to let some punk like Ryoga rub his paws—or hooves or whatever it was pigs had—all over Ranma's innocent body during double’s figure skating anyway! Ryoga didn't have the right, especially with how much he was already taking advantage of her trust!

“I'll have you know I'm a master on the ice,” Akane said as he puffed out his chest, trying to seem even bigger and larger than he already was, if only so he could impress Ranma. “Dad's taken me out skiing, snowboarding, and skating over the winter before, and the locals are always impressed with me. I'm basically the Sovereign of Snow.”

“And I wander through blizzards and snowstorms every year, charting my course through treacherous conditions with whatever tools I have!” Ryoga replied, though his boast did nothing to convince Akane to back down. He was trying to sound tough, but Akane actually had skills. “I'm the Captain of All Things Cold, and some municipal sports center skating rink won't best me!”

“We’ll just have to see if that’s good enough to stand toe-to-toe with me, won't we?” Akane asked as he gracefully stepped over to the entrance to the rink, put his blades down on the ice, and pushed himself forward.

Unwavering in his stance, Akane slid across the ice with ease, effortlessly accelerating and turning as he circled the outer edge of the rink. As he got used to his surroundings and how the other people were moving he started varying up his performance, granting himself the right to show off with sharp turns, jumps, and overdramatic spins that very briefly made him wish he was wearing a sash, belt, anything flowy that wasn't some girly skirt, just to show off the sheer speed and elegance with which he was moving. Akane had no idea whether or not Ranma was impressed with his simple skill, since he knew she could undoubtedly do better, but at least his friends were going to be proud of him.

And, he'd held just a little bit of his skill back in reserve, just in case Ryoga actually was pretty good. Akane had to be prepared to show him up, because there was no way he was going to let Ryoga be Ranma's partner!

“Alright P-chan, let's see what you can do,” Akane said as he came to a stop at the edge of the rink. 

“S- stop calling me that!” Ryoga yelled as he marched over to the entrance himself. Akane tensed up as his enemy put his first blade upon the rink and prepared himself for Ryoga to really be a veteran of snow country, which left him totally blindsided as the boy with no sense of direction also turned out to have no sense of balance.

Ryoga made it perhaps two centimeters on a single wobbly leg before he fell flat on his face. He even had the misfortune of tearing a chunk off of the wall he'd been holding onto for support. Akane wasn't a cruel man by nature, he didn't usually like to mock people's misfortune, but in this moment he genuinely couldn't stop himself from laughing at Ryoga's total ineptitude. Worse, once Ryoga tried and failed to stand a second time and face planted again, Akane's involuntary mockery only grew louder.

“Perhaps the Captain of All Things Cold needs to go back to the academy?” Akane rolled his eyes as he watched the idiot struggle to finally pull himself up with the aid of a wall that by some small miracle he didn't end up destroying.

“I- it's just a momentary setback! I can do this!”

“Of course you can,” Akane said, letting himself be as utterly dismissive of the fool as possible before he turned back to his fiancee. “Hopefully now you know who’s really going to be able to keep with you, Ranma. Come on, let's get training!”

Akane took a wide stance and brought his arms to his core as he tried to look stereotypically pumped for his inevitable schooling by Ranma, but the guy didn't actually seem all that enthused, and was still foolishly worried about Ryoga. Ranma eventually nodded his head, however, and also queued himself up at the entrance to the rink. He paused there for a moment, calculating the exact routine he was going to execute that would blow Akane's out of the water, and then he took a single step forward.

And fell directly onto his soft behind with a loud and unmistakable thud. Akane had to fight off his gut instinct to laugh once again, especially as Ranma also scrambled back to his feet and then almost fell again. Unlike Ryoga, Ranma could sort of stand, though he was stuck squatting in place instead of standing tall like a real man.

It was… a start, but Akane was suddenly filled with a mix of pride from being better than Ranma at something, and also immense dread at the realization that Ranma was going to be useless in the match ahead.

At least, without training.

“Is this your first time on the ice?” Akane asked as he skated over to his fiancee and politely grabbed her hands so he could stop her from collapsing in a heap yet again.

“N- no, it's my second. I- I've already improved a lot, too,” Ranma said, utterly failing to reassure Akane at all.

“Well you're going to need to improve a lot more if we're going to win this thing…” Akane sighed and shook his head as he tightened his grip on her tiny hands, trying to support her as much as he was able. “But that's okay. We’re here to practice. You're a quick learner, I'm sure we can get you up to speed in a jiffy. Do you trust me?

Akane stared down Ranna, and though she tried to hide her shame and embarrassment at the situation, he could also see her disappointed pout slowly starting to dissipate. After a few moments of deliberation, she nodded her head in the affirmative, at which point Akane reluctantly let her go and skated a very short distance away from her.

She very suddenly began to wiggle and struggle to even stand, but he primed and ready to swoop in to save her if she actually needed help. Right now, he just wanted her to try moving. To that end he held out his arms, grinned, and tried to encourage her. “You can do it, Ranma, I know you can. Just try to skate all the way over here.”

While Akane was worried he was perhaps talking down to the novice skater a bit too much, he couldn't help it! She was utterly incapable of even standing up straight! Even the elementary school kids that dotted the rink had started mastering that! Though he felt a little bad about it, Akane started clapping his hands and patting his knees to try to urge his rival forward, and unfortunately that worked.

She didn't stand, but she did put one foot in front of the other, managing to very slowly but surely squirm her way forward. Akane had not expected the three meter gap between them to be insurmountable, but he had to accept that she genuinely couldn't skate. He sighed, closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, and tried to think of something else he could do.

Maybe Ranma would have learned better if Akane had held his hand and tried to guide the idiot around the rink that way. Maybe learning how to move would have given him a feel for how to handle his clumsy body on the ice. Then again, Akane had to remind himself that Ranma wasn't going to learn anything if he wasn't given the opportunity to stand on his own. If Ranma came to rely on Akane, he would probably never-

Someone wrapped their arms around Akane, bidding him to reopen his eyes just in time to watch as Ranma clung to him for dear life. Somehow, Ranma had closed the gap between them, but she'd also totally failed at the last moment, nearly tripping over her own feet.

But she didn't end up in a heap on the floor, thankfully. Instead, her arms were pulled tight around Akane's waist, her face was buried against his body, and he- and he-

Akane’s mind fizzled as the girl struggled for balance, using him as her anchor. He probably wasn't supposed to squeeze and hug her right now, that would have been taking advantage of the situation, but-

But he really really wanted to. He wanted to grab her, pick her up, reassure her that it was okay, that he was there for her, and maybe, just maybe, he could kiss those soft lips of hers, which she'd even kindly covered in a glossy lip balm at his request before they got here… 

N- not that he'd asked her to do that because he liked how it looked or anything. The rink was just cold, he didn't want her lips to get chapped!

Akane took a deep breath, reveled just a bit in how even that caused Ranma to cling to him tighter, and then jumped to action. He put one of his hands on her shoulder for support, then reached the other down her back so he could physically push her upright. Of course this also pressed her body firmly against his, but there was nothing he could do about that…

“Are you okay, Ranma?” Akane asked, not quite moving back so his fiancee couldn't see how much he was blushing at the contact. He was supposed to be getting used to having her cling to him, but while it was becoming normal, it wasn't getting easier.

And that was ignoring just how different it felt for her to cling to him out of panic rather than as a joke or a scheme. This was genuine. She needed him! She wanted him, just like he wanted-

He-

He did not want her, because she was a boy actually. He needed to stop forgetting that. He didn't want boys!

Though reminding himself of that fact didn't change anything. He couldn't just shove Ranma off, or even let Ranma stop holding onto him. Sure he felt weird being so close to a guy, but the guy still needed him, wanted him, and-

“Y- yeah, I'm okay. S- sorry for falling on you. Skating is just- it's just-” Ranma tried to let go of Akane and take a step back out of shame, but he ended up having to throw his arm over the nearby wall for support instead. “It's hard, okay?!”

“I know, people don't usually get good at it in a day,” Akane said, quietly omitting the fact that he had picked up the basics in a couple of hours when he was five. Regardless, while he might have wanted to let Ranma flounder and figure things out on his own, they just didn't have that kind of time. If Ranma was going to be anything other than dead weight in the fight to get that stupid pig back, Akane needed to really force Ranma to train!

Of course the thought occurred to him that he could simply train Ranma poorly on purpose, lose the pig, and move on, but he also knew that wouldn't sit well with him. He didn't like losing, the match was about more than that pig, it was about honor, it was about skill, and-

And no matter what happened, he was not going to be able to handle seeing Ranma cry.

To that end, Akane held out his hand for Ranma to take, and tried to keep Ranma focused. They had a lot of training to do if they were going to whip him into shape. “Come on, I'll help you skate around the rink a little, maybe that'll make everything make sense.”

It took a moment for Akane's words to rattle around in Ranma's head, but confidence and passion slowly started to fill his eyes. Akane's reassurance might have been a little feigned, but it had worked! Slowly, Ranma tried to stand a little straighter—not that he could—took Akane's hand in his own, and nodded in agreement.

And with that they were off.

Two hours passed as Akane tried his absolute hardest to show Ranma the ropes of skating, but despite just how intuitive the act had always been for Akane, Ranma continued not to get it. He was awkward, fumbling, he couldn't stand straight, he tripped and fell over and over, and no matter how fun it was to be trying to show his friend a new thing—or how satisfying it still was whenever she clung to him out of necessity—it was starting to get exhausting! It wasn't time for them to take a break yet, but Akane was honestly considering it! 

“You really can't even stand yet?!” Akane sighed and ran his free hand through his hair as he stared down at his rival, who was still practically squatting on the ground just to maintain his balance, despite holding Akane's hand! “Come on Ranma, this really shouldn't be that hard. Just stand up tall like a real man so we can move on to harder stuff!”

“B- but- I'm a woman right now…” Ranma replied with a voice full of pain and worry that tugged at Akane's heart and would have forced him into action, if he wasn't already doing his best for the girl. Sure she was moments away from crying, but short of holding her, there wasn't much he could do to help her.

And also Ranma was just playing up the girl thing to mess with Akane, he had to be. 

“Right, sorry,” Akane said as he looked around both to make sure no one had heard his exasperated outburst and to be absolutely certain that nobody thought Akane was the kind of jerk who would be making his fiancee cry in public. He was probably in the clear, but he still had to cheer Ranma up so he could actually focus on getting better himself. To that end Akane put his hand under Ranma's chin and tilted her face up, let out his softest and warmest smile, and offered her what she needed. “Why don't we stop for a minute and go grab some burgers and fries? I'll even buy you a shake if you want.”

Ranma shifted her weight, letting her head rest on Akane's hand for a moment as she considered his offer. Unfortunately, the initial flash of relief and joy that spread over her face at the mention of cheap food and sweet ice cream faded away almost as fast as it came, and what replaced it genuinely worried Akane.

She wasn't about to cry anymore. She was mad.

“No, I don't need to stop. I can do this. I have to do this!” Ranma's voice grew steely as he struggled to stand upright. Whatever iron will he'd found did help him finally stand for a moment, but he very quickly had to crouch down and flail his free arm to avoid falling yet again. “I'll get this. I promise I will!”

Ranma continued to struggle as Akane watched, and even went so far as to tear his hand free of Akane's grasp, just so he could try on his own. Akane had to commend the determination, but watching Ranma push himself over and over was far from the most pleasant thing for Akane to endure. This wasn't a feat of athleticism, there was no grand cheer or peptalk that Akane could give, Ranma was just trying to master the absolute basics.

And he wasn't even very good at it.

“You don't have to. We don't have to actually win this thing,” Akane said, hiding just how much the thought of giving up hurt him behind an even measured voice. “It doesn't matter if you lose, she can't just take the pig from Ryoga.”

“But I won't lose!” Ranma roared, jerking his head towards Akane suddenly. Akane flinched in response to Ranma's abrupt anger, and then winced as Ranma suddenly fell face first onto the ice. Ranma didn't stay down for long though. He pushed himself back up and fought over and over to stand once more. “It's just stupid ice skating, I'm a martial artist, I can handle this!”

“Ranma…” Akane sighed as he watched Ranma put one foot forward on the ice and then almost trip and fall yet again. Obviously he was glad that his rival was improving, but it was still clear that Ranma needed a moment to just sit down and take a break! It was going to ruin Ranma's momentum, maybe, but Akane trusted her to get right back to it with fresh eyes once they ate. “Well I'm hungry, and I'm the one with money, so I say we grab some food.”

“Oh, I get it. You're the one that's tryin’ ta chicken out of training, huh?” Ranma sneered, suddenly far too cocky for Akane's liking considering a simple push would have either sent her flying or thrown her onto her back.

And despite how much he might have wanted to swoop in at the last moment and rescue the petulant girl from some sort of accident, he was going to take the gentlemanly approach and just take her insult on the chin. Frankly, he was glad her mood had improved already. 

“I’m hungry, Ranma, I'm not a coward,” Akane replied as he held out a hand so Ranma could grab it and he could lead her out of the rink. “But yeah, sure. I've been skating for a while, and I’d like to stop for a bit.”

“You shoulda just said somethin’ instead of actin’ like I was a-”

Ranma's words were interrupted as another skater sailed between them at high speed. Akane kept his composure and stayed upright, even as his hand got swatted aside, but Ranma once again tumbled to the ground as the clueless idiot struck him.

The figure came to a halt just a short distance away from them, demonstrating just how in control of the situation they actually were, and then spun around to reveal themselves as none other than that Azusa girl from the other day, clad in a sparkly gold leotard. “Oh no, is the girl okay?! Azusa is so so vewy sowwy! Azusa didn't see you there!”

While Ranma's future opponent may have been trying to sound concerned, she made absolutely no effort to hide the subtle grin that was forming on her face as she watched Ranma lay on the ice. Akane’s fists balled as he considered how best to respond, because even though it was clear to him that Azusa was trying to mess with them on purpose and had hurt his fiancee, hitting a cute and innocent little girl in public as a somewhat oversized man would have been an incredibly bad look for him. 

As much as it pained him, the best thing he could think to do was to squat down and try to help Ranma back to her feet. Of course, she had the nerve to push him aside when he tried. Instead of scrambling to her feet on her own, Ranma pushed off the ground with his hands, flipped twice in the air, and landed perfectly on his blades without even a hint of slipping. Akane was genuinely impressed at what a little anger could do for Ranma…

Until he noticed that Ranma's skates were now embedded in the ice, anyway. That wasn't how you were supposed to skate, but Akane figured that if it worked, it worked. Such was the nature of Anything-Goes.

“You did that on purpose, you jerk!” Ranma pointed dramatically at the other girl, narrowed his eyes, and sort of shifted into a combat stance—at least as much as he could, considering he couldn't move his feet.

“Azusa has no idea what you're talking about. Azusa was just on her way to practice, and you stopped in her way!” Azusa replied, clearly ignoring the fact that Ranma hadn't really moved very far in the last ten minutes. “It doesn't matter. Azusa is glad to see you're okay, now you need to leave! Mikado and Azusa have rented out the ring for our next performance. You should watch though, maybe then you'll know what you're actually up against, and you'll let Azusa have Charlotte right now!

“Hey, you can't just kick us out!” Ranma yelled, though it was a waste of breath.

Azusa had to be telling the truth, because everyone was vacating the ring except for a bunch of people in goalie gear, and that Mikado guy who was now clad in a gaudy golden suit. 

“Come on.” Akane tried to simply grab Ranma's hand and drag her off, but she was too firmly embedded in the ground. He had to get her off the ice, however, and that meant he was going to have to resort to something a little more personal.

Akane grabbed Ranma by the shoulders, pulled her and her skates out of the ice, and then he started bridal carrying her all the way over to one of the benches just outside the ring. This wasn't how he'd intended to force her to take a break, but it would do.

“Y- you know I don't need to sit on your lap, right?” Ranma asked, making Akane abruptly aware that he'd simply sat down and left her in his arms. She wasn't making any attempts to struggle though, so she had to appreciate the contact, liked getting to look up at him as much as he liked gazing down at her pretty face, full lips, and-

“Oh, I was waiting for this,” Makoto said as she sat down next to Akane, ruining the moment and forcing Ranma to sit up straight on his lap and lean against his chest in a way that wasn't actually unpleasant…

“Is this some kind of hockey match?” Sayuri asked, sitting on the other side of Akane, which removed Akane's ability to simply put Ranma down.

Tragically, he had to keep holding her.

“I heard them call it ‘the Assault of the Hundred Foes’ or something,” Yuka added as she pulled her girlfriend against her just chastely enough that no one who saw would think anything of it.

“Assault?” Akane tilted his head as he watched his future opponents form up in the center of the ring, only to be surrounded by a literal wall of hockey players. Akane's question was soon answered as the men rushed the pair, and both figure skaters immediately launched into a storm of violence.

They were fighters!

“Hold on, is this Martial Arts Figure Skating?!” Ranma and Akane both declared in perfect unison.

“We're not just going to be skating!” Ranma’s whole body twitched with excitement as she mentioned that now obvious fact. “That's great! If it's a kind of martial arts, I can do it!”

“Just as soon as I can get you to stand up straight,” Akane muttered under his breath as he tried to focus on the fight itself. Now that he knew this was combat, he could evaluate his opponents more thoroughly. He needed to learn their weaknesses, strengths, habits, whatever would get him an edge.

A man soared through the air and crashed onto the ground next to the bench Akane and his friends were sitting on, causing Shikako to jolt and jump to her feet out of shock.

“They're really pummeling those guys, huh? It's like watching you two.” Shikako laughed a little as she sat back down, and Akane nodded in agreement. She had a point. They were fighting normal guys, those idiots they were training on were chaff, just like Akane usually had to settle for.

They weren't going to be expecting to square off against the most powerful martial arts couple in all of Japan!

“Well they are called the Golden Pair for a reason. It's not just the outfits,” Makoto said as she watched the battle unfurl. “They've been taking their club to first place trophies for the last two years, and they're probably gonna do the same this year, too.”

“They're third years!” Sayuri shook Akane slightly like that news was supposed to worry him. Sure they were older than him, but age didn't mean much, especially not two years. 

“Whatever. I don't care how good they are.” Akane rolled his eyes as he wrapped his arms tight around Ranma's waist. “We're better.”

“I hope so, I've got money riding on you.” Yuka laughed as she looked away from Akane, and he involuntarily shuddered in response. Yuka wouldn't have teased him about that kind of thing, there really was a betting pool.

And that meant someone had told Nabiki about the match.

Sure he didn't really mind having her commentate his matches, she was really good at, knew how to work a crowd and get him pumped, and he knew it was her own way to stay engaged with the martial arts their parents loved, but he did hate that she liked to take bets. This was going to be a huge production, now! Both schools were probably going to be watching! Sure he liked winning in front of a lot of people, but that was a lot of pressure, especially when he was being weighed down by his clumsy rival who'd apparently never touched a pair of skates before in his life!

But… Ranma was improving, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad. If nothing else he could now apparently move—and hopefully fight—by digging his blades into the ice. That alone increased their chances of winning immensely.

Regardless, Akane turned his attention back onto the brawl, only to see that it was in its final stages. The pair were tormenting the last lowly goalie, circling around him as they used their blows to rally him back and forth like a tennis ball. It was impressive, sure, but nothing Akane hadn't already considered doing during his own morning fights. 

As the last guy eventually fell and the various armored men slowly filtered out of the rink, Akane saw people starting to stand up and enter it once again, which meant his and Ranma's brief break was over. Sure they could have gone out for food, but right now Akane wanted to get back out there and show off, too! He wanted the ‘golden pair' to know what they were up against! 

Akane bolted upright, gently put Ranma down on the ground in front of him, and then started pushing her forwards. 

“W- what's gotten inta you, ‘Kane? I thought you were hungry,” Ranma complained, though she did little to stop their advance.

“We can eat after I’ve proven a point. I want those jerks to see what I'm made of.” Akane cracked his neck as he and Ranma finally stood upon the field of battle once more. She predictably started to stumble over herself and ended up clinging to the wall, but that was exactly what he wanted. He was just planning to dramatically swoop over to her and pick her up in the middle of his routine towards the end.

Putting one foot in front of another, Akane began to elegantly sail across the ice, and though he had no willing fools he could trick into trying to fight him, he could try to incorporate exaggerated attacks, blocks, and his katas into the mere act of skating. Jumping into the air just to deliver a spinning kick at nothing felt a little weird, certainly, but he was just doing it to prove he could, to put the fear of what he could actually do into that Golden Pair.

He continued his performance for a little while, soaking up the clapping and cheering of the few onlookers who actually understood what he was doing, and then moved to execute his big finish. Akane started in the center and made a big spiral around the rink, picking up speed as he went, until he was circling the edge and almost upon Ranma. Wordlessly he extended his arms, prepared himself to sweep her off of his feet and lift her eye over his head, then-

“Zǐzhūr!” Ranma shouted as she pushed off of the wall at the last second, utterly avoiding Akane's grasp, and forcing him to stumble as he tried to slow down and crane his neck to see what had happened.

Ranma was genuinely skating, which should have been a good thing, but she was going slowly, on wobbly legs, with poor control, and headed right for a small crowd of people who were all chasing after a little black pig with a headband tied around its neck. Akane had no idea when Ryoga had gotten splashed, but Akane didn't have any pity for him. It was his own fault for coming here at all.

Though Akane did have to concede that as a frantically running and sliding little farm animal, Ryoga was providing Ranma with plenty of practice. Leaning against the wall, Akane folded his arms and watched Ranma attempt to master moving under her own power with genuine interest. She was picking up speed as she went, and she hadn't fallen yet, and Akane had to admit he was glad to see that she was actually making progress.

Things were going well enough for her as she chased the group of young girls who were in turn chasing the tiny pig, but that was because everyone was still going in a straight line. As soon as the pig and crowd swerved hard to the right, Ranma's fledgling skill failed her. She was sailing straight towards the far wall at her full—and admittedly impressive—speed, there was no way Akane could get over there to save her in time, so he just had to start heading towards her so he could help her back up and tend to her bruises.

And yet Ranma did not simply collide with the obstruction. Even frantically flailing, some amount of skill and improvisation remained available to him, and at the last second he jumped, hit the wall feet first, and bounced off of it. He once again did a pointless little flip in the air before he landed on his feet, but unlike last time he did not manage to embed his skates in the ice. Ranma immediately started to wobble and struggle to stay upright, forcing Akane to put on a burst of speed in the hopes of helping her keep her balance. He raced forward, held out his hand, and-

A golden blur swooped by him, scooping Ranma up off of the ground. Akane turned to face the new arrival, only to feel his blood turn to steam as he saw his fiancee in the arms of that Mikado guy. It wasn't bad enough that that jerk had the nerve to act all sweet and nice to Akane's girl, he had the audacity to violate the sanctity of their challenge, too! If he was about to hurt her, wound her, or otherwise render her unable to compete, Akane was going to make him pay! 

Akane turned sharply to try to intercept the creep who was in the middle of speaking to Ranma and staring deep into her eyes. No one got to carry Ranma around, and Akane wasn't going to stand for it! He took a deep breath, summoned all of his strength, and rushed forward to try to punch out Mikado.

But he missed. Mikado leaned down at the last moment, elegantly avoiding Akane's strike. That was no matter though, Akane could come to a stop, spin around, and…

And get a front row seat to the sight of Mikado making out with Ranma. Akane's jaw went slack as he saw Ranma lay there in the bastard's arms, too shocked to even consider freeing herself. Akane needed to move, he needed to free her, but his sheer boiling anger made his body feel like lead.

Mikado drank deep of her beauty, vigor, and innocence before he finally sat her down next to himself, slicked his hair back, and smiled. Ranma, in turn, stood stoically silent for a few seconds, before she started wailing. Great streams of tears erupted from Ranma's eyes as she ran off for the exit, each of her footfalls carving a deep gash in the ice.

Akane's heart tore in half, and each chunk tried to urge him in a different direction. Ranma needed comfort and support after what had just happened, and who would have been better suited to give it to her than Akane? On the other hand, Mikado had manhandled Ramma, left a sweet and kind girl with nothing but utter despair, and had stolen the very lips that Akane's soul had longed for. He deserved nothing short of a brutal beat down, and who but Akane could deliver it?

In the end, violence and anger won our over Akane's kindness and compassion, and he was going to have to apologize to Dr. Tofu for forgetting the doctor’s training and giving in to his baser instincts the next time they met.

Once more Akane started skating as fast as he could, headed directly for the unawares monster who preyed upon women. Wasting no time and giving the man no quarter, Akane let loose another punch straight to the bastard's skull. Mikado ducked away the attack at the last second, narrowly evading Akane's attempt at a one hit knockout.

“And here I thought our match wasn't until tomorrow, T- Ta- Taro? Was that your name?” Mikado grinned as he elegantly slid backwards away from Akane and snaked back and forth to avoid each of Akane's full force haymakers. 

“I'm Akane Tendo! I'm the-”

“Akane? But that's a girl's name! No wonder little Ranma was so excited to be in the arms of a real man.” Mikado’s grin only grew more smug, and despite how much Akane wanted to shout Mikado down and defend himself, he resorted to simple growling as his attacks picked up speed.

It took considerable effort to actually slip through Mikado's efforts at evading him, but Akane eventually did manage to connect with the bastard's shoulder, causing the guy to spin wildly on a single skate from the recoil. Akane smirked as he tried to extract satisfaction from his foe’s apparent defeat, but any immediate rush of success faded away as Mikado’s spin grew faster and faster, until he was a veritable tornado of limbs that even Akane struggled to see through. 

A tornado that was moving forward.

Before Akane even thought to react, Mikado was upon him, hammering away with blow after blow in a dizzying frenzy that the average person probably couldn't even make out. Acting on instinct and memories of his recent training with the Saotomes—who could move even faster than this if they wanted—Akane was able to intercept, block, or at least push aside most of the attacks headed his way, but he still dimly registered knuckles crashing into his hip, knees striking his gut, and a single fierce uppercut connecting with his jaw.

That last blow sent him reeling, momentum carrying him back away from the pain-filled hurricane. It was a struggle, but he eventually managed to stop himself and avoid falling onto his back.

“You survived your brush with the Dance of Death, you should count yourself fortunate,” Mikado sneered as he pulled a comb out of his pocket and straightened his stupid haircut. “Now run along, and don't even bother coming to our match. I've already proven I'll win, and I've already taken my prize.”

Mikado tried to laugh, but he only managed to inhale before Akane was upon him again. He had no right to act like Akane would ever give up, or to treat the kiss of a beautiful maiden as some kind of trophy to be stolen! Fueled by rage, Akane delivered a high kick just to the side of Mikado’s head, aiming not to kill him with the blade, but to slice a huge chunk of his precious golden locks off.

It was Akane's turn to laugh as the man reached up and felt just how close his new shave was, and he didn't even bother to resort to words to express how he felt. He turned into a storm of blows yet again, and Akane was unfortunately too close to evade or avoid it. Akane once again did his best to minimize the damage, but he was still chewed up and spat out, his body flying through the air until it collided with one of the walls of the rink.

“Have you had enough, or should I continue?!” Mikado demanded as the tornado swiftly moved to try to fall upon Akane once more. “I can maintain this technique for over an hour and seventeen minutes, you can't win!”

Akane staggered back up to his feet and braced himself for another round with the death spiral. He knew it was folly to keep trying to fight against this move of Mikado's, but Akane didn't have much choice! He wasn't inclined to give up, but even his prodigious reach wasn't long enough to get a good hit in! He needed a weapon!

He needed a weapon!

Akane mentally slapped himself as he jumped over the wall rather than face Mikado's move. Anything-Goes meant a lot of things, but one of the most important ones was doing whatever you could to win, with whatever tools you had, as long as you could get away with it, and that meant Akane had to think fast and pick a tool!

“Running away? I had thought you feminine, Ms. Akane, but I had no idea you were a pansy,” Mikado said as his spin slowed to a halt.

And then he said nothing else, because Akane had ripped a bench off of the ground, and thrown it at him.

Mikado's body crumpled under the weight of Akane's surprise attack, and Mikado twitched and writhed in agony in the aftermath. That was how an Anything-Goes martial artist won a match.

Akane didn't have time to gloat or bask in glory, however. His for was defeated, and that meant he had to tear off his skates, toss them back at the rental place, and race off to find Ranma. He was pretty sure she's headed for the front of the sports center, so he just had to run past the batting cages and the pool, circle around the basketball court, at which point he saw her.

Standing in the middle of a hallway, Ranma was still crying her eyes out after the indignity and misery she'd just been put through. Akane understood that she was in mental turmoil, and he wanted her to have almost anything that would comfort her.

Anything but the thing she was using. 

Ranma had her arms wrapped around Ryoga, she was leaning against his bare chest, had buried her face into him, and Akane had to fight to keep his cool despite the adrenaline that was still coursing through him.

Ryoga had to have been shirtless because he's just changed back at a bath or something, he was at least wearing somebody’s pants, and Akane really needed to not be jealous. Ranma needed comfort, Ryoga was providing that. Not getting to be in Ryoga's position was ultimately Akane's punishment for choosing anger over compassion. He needed to try to accept that. He needed to take a deep breath.

“I crushed that jerk for you,” Akane said, doing his best to offer Ranma whatever extra solace he could provide that Ryoga couldn't. “He's not going try that again.”

“Good! I was on my way to pummel that bastard myself, I just couldn't leave Ranma alone once I saw her like this!” Ryoga declared, proudly pointing a hand to the heavens like that meant anything now.

Though it did mean he had one fewer arm wrapped around Ranma's back, which Akane supposed he had to appreciate.

“I- I- could have h- handled him m- myself!” Ranma replied, her every word still fighting with the last vestiges of her primal desire to mourn her fate. “I- I just- I needed to turn back into a- a- a guy and then-”

“You don't have to do that to yourself.” Ryoga put his hand down and started trying to pat Ranma's back in an effort to reassure her, but that only caused Ranma to start squirming…

And Akane realized exactly why.

“Come on Ranma, let's get home,” Akane made his demand in full knowledge of the fact that it was exactly what Ranma wanted. He had just been kissed as a girl, he wanted to stop feeling vulnerable, weak, like something men would desire, and unlike Ryoga, Akane was able to understand that. “Changing here would be bad, you’re wearing a skirt, but we can get you changed as soon as we get home, okay?”

“Y- yeah. Okay. Right,” Ranma muttered, having apparently only just put that thought together himself. In a single fluid motion, Ranma ducked out of Ryoga's grip, and walked over to Akane.

While Akane's gut impulse was to grab his hand and start walking off, that was also likely to make Ranma feel bad at this moment. He’d cried his tears already, and right now he didn't need a guy being weird about him.

So Akane simply turned to face Ranma, smiled, and started walking off, hoping his body language would be enough to guide Ranma with him.

Mikado said a series of words at Ranma, but he couldn't really recall any of them. Not a single one of them mattered, none of them were compliments, none were offers of safety, and not a single one would have made Ranma happy. 

And none of them had prepared him for what had happened next.

Ranma hoped that in time the memory of having another man pull him into a horrible embrace would fade from his mind, and he especially hoped that he could forget the sensation of that same man shoving that slug into his mouth and writhing it around. Unfortunately, that was the only thing Ranma could think about at the present. It kept playing over and over in his mind, and the more he thought about it, the grosser and grosser it felt, the angrier he got, and worst of all, the more he blamed himself.

It could only have been his fault.

Ranma had—in his folly—gotten far too comfortable with wearing the shape of a girl over these last few months, to say nothing of the ease with which he acted out the role of woman. It was her fault, specifically, that role’s fault. She wore cute clothes that invited the attention of boys, she spoke all sweet and kind in a way that made men think she liked them even though she at best tolerated them, she clung to Akane for support like she wasn’t strong enough to look after herself, and she even used that same femininity as an excuse when she wasn’t good enough to do some simple task!

And all of that combined to make her into the perfect target. The weak-willed weak-bodied girl who was just waiting for some terrible man to scoop up in his arms and kiss her—like her lips were something he was just allowed to take, like they were free for the taking, awaiting simply the first man with the nerve to try. He was right, though. Ranma had been weak, had let his very soul get crushed under that femininity that was only inviting terror and torment, and he was not going to endure that again. He- he- he wasn’t sure how he was going to totally avoid it, he was still duty-bound to pretend to be a girl around school, or anytime he saw his friends, but he could try to be rougher, meaner, more untameable. At least an untameable tomboy wouldn’t be easy pickings for the casual creep, and none would be surprised when she yelled, shouted, and defended herself, just like-

Just like he wanted to. Ranma had to admit, it was not just the role of woman that prevented him from punching Mikado in the jaw and freeing himself from that monster. He’d been too surprised, he hadn’t expected anyone to actually have the nerve to take advantage of him like that. He had to remember that no matter what else he did, she was still going to be pretty, beautiful, and impossibly alluring. There wasn’t much he could do about that, even trying to dress her up as a man like Ranma had insisted she’d done in the past would do more than make her into some kind of attractively androgynous figure…

And then she still might have had to endure that-

“Ranma, you need to take your shoes off,” Akane said as he put a hand on Ranma’s shoulder to prevent Ranma from stepping up out of the genkan

“Oh, y- yeah, I didn’t even notice we’d made it home,” Ranma replied. He kicked off his shoes as instructed and then put them away, at which point the sudden realization that he was home washed over him. Ranma raced ahead of Akane, slid around a corner on his socks, and then scrambled into the mainroom where Kasumi was blessedly filling cups with hot water from a kettle. There would be time for manners later, right now, he needed to be a man again, and to that end he grabbed the kettle and drizzled just enough over his head to trigger his change into something inviolate. “Sorry, Kasumi, it was an emergency.”

“An emergency, Saotome?” Nabiki blinked repeatedly as she stared at the empty cup full of loose leaves that was supposed to have been filled with hot water. “It had better be. I was starting to hope we were past you wasting our hot water just to avoid the indignity of being a girl around the house.”

“Did something happen while you were out, Ranma?” Kasumi asked, resting one hand on her cheek as she took back the now mostly emptied kettle. 

“Yeah. I don't wanna talk about it.” Ranma sighed and shook his head as he pushed down his skirt and knelt down at the table. He really didn't need to tell anyone. Akane couldn't comfort him, and the girls were just going to mock him.

“Oh my, well do let me know if I can help.” Kasumi smiled innocently enough as she sat down as well, but Ranma still wasn't going to bare his heart to her. She was going to spin it around, make it weird, and make his failure as a woman into some kind of failure of himself as a whole, all while giving him life advice for a life he had no intention of ever experiencing after this summer.

“It wasn't something Mikado did, was it? I would have warned you that he had a reputation, if either of you had thought to tell me about your little match.” Nabiki tapped her fingers on the table as Ranma looked away out of guilt- out of shame- self pity- Ranma didn't really know, just that he hated that she'd even brought him up.

“I know, I know, I wish I'd told you, too,” Akane said as he sat down next to Ranma. “I wish I'd known the kind of man he was before I'd accepted that challenge. I'd have just beaten him to a pulp right there in that cafe!”

“He did kiss Ranma?! Akane! You should have been there to protect him!” Nabiki shouted and pointed her finger at Akane accusatorially, though Ranma’s emotions forced him to flatten himself down on the table before he saw how Akane reacted. “How could you let this happen?!”

“We were training, he was finally standing up proud and tall like a real man, and I was trying to give him space!” Akane was stressing his words weirdly, and though Ranma didn't really know why, he supposed he did appreciate the veiled compliment. 

Ranma wasn't really sure when he'd started skating even a little bit competently, he just really wanted to save Ryoga's cute widdle piggy, and then that creep showed up, and- Ranma took a deep breath and tried to stop thinking about it, instead simply listening as Akane continued speaking. “I didn't want to emasculate him or anything, so I was just letting him prove himself on his own, without the temptation of taking my hand when things got rough. It would have been fine if Mikado wasn't so- so-”

“Such an aggressive lech?” Nabiki asked with a shrug. “He's supposedly planning to kiss a hundred different girls before he graduates from highschool. My contact says he was already at ninety-eight, so I guess Ranma's ninety-nine. Or does he only count as ninety-eight and a half?”

“Ha ha, very damn funny,” Ranma grumbled as he barely peaked his eyes up over his arms. “I'm a guy, no matter what side I'm on! I just- he just- it was so gross…”

“Oh cheer up, Ranma. You're cute, so I know he wasn't your first kiss.” Nabiki gave Ranma a grin to try to cheer him up, though she clearly didn't remember that Ranma had only ever gone to boys’ schools. Prior to today, he'd never kissed a single guy! Worse, the only kiss he'd ever gotten from a girl was back in Tibet, it was on the side of his cheek, and it was nothing but trouble. Sighing, Ranma buried his face back down behind his arms and groaned in response to Nabiki's attempts at helping.

“Oh my, I guess he was. I'm so sorry,” Kasumi said, still trying to be nice when he didn't even want it! “Well, fret not. Your purity isn't truly damaged, Ranma, I'm sure Akane understands.”

“What’s that supposed ta mean?!” Ranma shouted as he finally sat back up, fury abruptly building in his eyes at the implication that something was now wrong with him! “I don't need Akane's understanding for nothin’, I ain't interested in kissin’ guys, so it ain't like today counts anyway, so why should he even care?!”

Ranma jabbed his finger into Akane's chest for emphasis, only for the guy to abruptly flinch in response to the simple contact. Confused, Ranma poked around Akane's chest a little bit more, moving between points to find all the places where he was hurt. 

“Will you stop that!” Akane demanded, finally taking Ranma's hand in his own just to stop Ranma from continuing to touch him. “I'm hurt, okay? That Mikado guy is pretty strong while he's on the ice.”

“Damn it man, you shoulda just let me handle it!” Ranma insisted as he stood up, pulled Akane up with him, and then reversed Akane's hold on him so he was holding Akane’s wrist. Wasting no time, Ranma ran the two of them off to the bathroom, whereupon he started rummaging around for bandages and ointment. “Oh well, nothin’ we can do about it now but move forward. Guess it's my turn ta play doctor. Sit down and take your shirt off!”

Akane briefly looked like he was going to talk back to Ranma, but the moment Ranma's demands were clear and sharp he did as he was instructed with little more than a curt nod and a flushed face of embarrassment. Casually, he knelt on the ground and tossed off his shirt, revealing a constellation of fresh bruises.

Ranma knelt down in front of him and leaned forward to inspect the canvas. Honestly, he was lucky, despite his opponent having blades tied to his feet, Akane wasn't actually cut or scratched, there was little Ranma coils actually do. Ranma did deign to place his hand firmly against Akane's chest—while carefully avoiding any bruises—and press against it, just to see if the guy's ribs were cracked or anything, but when he didn't flinch, Ranma had to concede that the guy was okay.

“Dang, how hurt did you get?” Ranma asked, if only to see if Akane had any complaints that Ranma couldn't see.

“Not that bad. It's nothing I can't handle,” Akane said, though Ranma humbled him by once again poking one of the now visible bruises. “Stop that, damn it! You know I wouldn't be hurt at all if you hadn't just let him grab you like that!”

“Oh now it's my fault, huh?!” Ranma yelled, trying to hide just how much he agreed with Akane behind feigned indignation. Ranma was absolutely the only reason Akane was hurt, and it sucked, but what was he supposed to do about it? 

“Of course it is. If I were a girl, I'd have beat the crap out of him as soon as he dared to touch me!”

Ranma narrowed his eyes and held back a growl. Akane had no idea what he was talking about, it wasn't that easy in the moment! When things like that happened suddenly, it was hard to even think! 

And he'd show Akane if he had to.

“Please, you wouldn't have even been in that position. If you were a girl, you'd’a been born some uncute flat-chested tomboy with no sex appeal. Guys wouldn't even want you.” Ranma smirked as Akane's brow furrowed.

“Hey! I like to think I'd be a pretty-” Akane tried to defend his hypothetical girly self, but Ranma cut him off by quickly sliding a hand behind Akane's back. In a single swift motion Ranma hefted Akane off the ground, deposited him on Ranma's lap, and positioned Akane's luscious lips only a centimeter or two away from Ranma's own.

“You'd have been pretty easy to kiss.” Ranma held the pose for a moment as he considered diving down and proving his point, at which point he noticed the burning blush on both of their faces and realized exactly what it was he was even considering doing.

Ranma shoved Akane off and scooter away from him, putting his hands up between the two of them just to stop the guy from overreacting as Ranma explained himself. “N- not that I was going to, or anything, I was just proving a point!”

“Please, I wasn't worried. You're too chicken to try.” Akane flicked his head away from Ranma and grunted to highlight his disdain, all the while Ranma's blood started to boil at the insult.

“Chicken?! Keep talkin’ like that and maybe I really will kiss you!” Ranma straightened his back so he could feel at least as tall as Akane—who was presently still slouched—and narrowed his eyes as he waited for his rival to take back his words.

“Do it then, unless you're a little coward.” Despite Akane's sunken shoulders and downcast eyes, he was still trying to act like he was the tough guy in control of the situation, and unfortunately that meant Ranma was going to have to prove just how brave he really was.

“F- fine!” Ranma leaned forward slightly as he agreed to this test of manhood, only for Akane to finally look him straight in the eyes. That should have been fine, but it meant Ranma was stuck gazing deep into each of Akane's chocolate colored irises as they sparkled and glistened under the artificial light of the bathroom. In response, Ranma's heart started to drum in his chest, his hands began to tremble, and sweat started forming on his back, and for the life of him he had no idea why! He just knew his whole body was screaming out for him to do something! “C- close your eyes, then…”

“Like this?” Akane asked as he slowly shut his eyes, revealing just how pretty his lashes were. 

Ranma had to stay focused, he had a simple objective to complete, and he wasn't going to get distracted. Sure, Akane was puckering up his lips, and Ranms was more than a little fixated on them, but that was fine. That was all part of the plan. 

Ranma scooted himself forward, until their bodies were almost touching, and then he started leaning forward. He tried to brace himself for the inevitable collision of their lips, but the moment he did his whole body locked up. This was a mistake.

“H- hey, are you sure about this? S- shouldn't you only do this with someone special?”

“Oh. Right. I get it. I'm not special, huh?” Akane's voice dripped with irritation and disappointment as he leaned back and turned his face away. 

“That's not what I mean, dummy! I just- I don’t wanna- I mean I do wanna- I guess as long as you don't mind, I don't mind…” Ranma briefly bit his lip as he considered how he was about to ‘damage Akane's purity’. Akane deserved better than this, better than Ranma, but- but- but Ranma was in too deep to stop now. He wasn't a fraidy-cat. 

Ranma took a deep breath and reached out with one hand so he could turn Akane's face back around towards his. Seizing the initiative, Ranma shifted his stance until he was practically bearing down on Akane, forcing the tall guy to lean back and let Ranma take the dominant position in their little kiss. 

From there, Ranma slowly but surely crept his face forward, millimeter by millimeter. Between the adrenaline in his veins, the fluttering in his gut, and his shaking body, Ranma had no idea how long it was taking him to get into position, he only knows that as he neared Akane's face, he tilted his head slightly, closed his own eyes, and tried to force himself to to keep going.

An electric tingle flooded his mind as he felt the subtle sensation of his lips barely brushing against Akane's. Time seemed to stop as he tried to will himself to finish locking lips, to mash them together, to do their little dance properly. Ranma fought and fought to move, until at least he managed to thread his fingers off of Akane's cheek, through his hair, and then pull-

A sudden full body wetness failed to drown out the raging fire that burned within him and threatened to leave him nothing but a withered husk, but that frigid watery sensation was not without consequences. Ranma's eyes fluttered open only to reveal that he was kissing Akane's bare clavicle, while Akane was more or less chastely kissing him on the head.

Ranma had turned back into a girl!

And unfortunately, the reason why spoke up before he even had a chance to complain.

“There, isn't that better?” Nabiki asked, drawing both Ranma and Akane's attention to the bathroom entrance, where she, Kasumi, and Mr. Tendo were all standing. She proudly carried a water gun in one hand, and a camera in the other. 

“What the heck was that for?!” Ranma shouted as he stood up, distancing himself from his confused rival.

“Well it wouldn't be a very good commemorative photo of your first kiss as a couple if you were both boys, would it? Especially with you still in girl clothes,” Nabiki said, acting entirely too confident in her reasoning for someone so crazy.

“W- who said we were kissing?!” Ranma replied, already furious with himself for being in this position. 

Because it was obvious what they were doing.

It was obvious what Ranma had been about to do.

Worse, even though he had been shaken from whatever stupid haze had compelled him to agree to kiss Akane in the first place, his heart was still asking him why he stopped. His soul still called out for him to finish what he'd started, and kiss the man he was engaged to.

Especially since now it was socially acceptable.

Ranma’s fists trembled as he dealt with that intrusive thought. He couldn't kiss Akane, specifically because it wasn't acceptable. Akane was a sweet guy, sure, and if Ranma really had been born a girl, he probably would have fallen for Akane by now, but he hadn't. This was an act.

It had to be an act.

It was safer as an act.

If it wasn't an act, that meant Ranma was gay.

And even if he was gay… even if he could live with that, he couldn't force Akane to deal with that, couldn't make Akane live with that shame…

So Ranma simply started tearing off his blouse and his bra, tossing them into the dirty clothes bin. Ironically, a cold shower followed by the very hot bath would fix this, clear his head, and help him and Akane move on.

“R- Ranma…” Akane was undoubtedly staring at Ranma's assets, but he didn't care, even as he started slipping off his skirt. Ranma needed to get out of here, and retreating into the inner bath made the most sense. Heck, he could have easily claimed he’d been intending to freshen up after all that training, and that whatever they thought they saw was… wrong, a trick of the light, or something.

It wouldn’t have worked, of course, but it was what he had. He just had to commit to leaving Akane to the wolves, letting Akane deal with the fallout of what everyone had just seen, the mockery they were going to heap on him for almost kissing what had been a man because of some stupid game of homosexual chicken. 

But that was his problem. He could find his own way out. Inviting him into the bath with him would only have given everyone else ammunition for their stupid little theories, even if it had been perfectly normal for the two of them to bathe together ever since Ranma had gotten here.

It didn’t feel normal now, not when he knew everyone was going to say something, acting like he was perpetrating some dark design upon Akane’s morality. They’d just gotten a little carried away! It didn’t mean anything!

It didn’t mean anything. Ranma and Akane were normal, boys fought emotionally like that all the time, he was pretty sure kids at the boys’ school he used to go to would have done the same thing with each other. There was nothing wrong with almost kissing Akane, as a joke, as a test of manhood.

He just needed to keep telling himself that.

Either way, Ranma wasn’t going to tell Akane what to do. He had no right, and no obligation, since they were just rivals and nothing was happening between them.

“I'm getting cleaned up before dinner, and I gotta change back into a guy again. You wanna come too, that's your business. You might need a cold shower,” Ranma said, hoping Akane would pick up on his meaning. Ranma had been too lost in his head to know if Nabiki or the others had said anything since his earlier denial, but he didn't care. Instead he was just going to walk over to the door, slam it shut, and give Akane and him some damn privacy! Raising his voice, he made sure to yell at the assembled pests who were undoubtedly still listening outside. “We weren’t doin’ nothin’, and I’m sure as heck not gonna do anything now, so buzz off!”

Not… that they needed it.

Ranma wasn't going to try anything like that again.

Not unless Akane really truly was okay with- with being- with Ranma being-

It didn't matter, it wasn't going to happen, and Ranma needed to stop thinking of Akane like a real partner anyway. Whatever had come over him was a mistake, it was just his anger and sense of loss mixing in some weird way. It wasn't anything more than that.

Ranma wasn't gay. He didn't like boys.

In fact, after today, after Mikado, he was positive that he hated all men!

Now if only he could stop staring at Akane as the guy undressed and actually convince himself that that was true…

Chapter Text

The last of the vile fiends who blocked Ranma's path slumped to the ground at last, knocked unconscious by the sheer radiant force of a real hero’s kicks. Though they likely weren't truly inherently evil, they were the followers of the cruelest and most dangerous creature to ever descend upon the world, and only Ranma Saotome, The Fierce Tiger of Legend, could stop them from invading Nerimaland and laying waste to everything the downtrodden held dear.

All he had to do now was focus his energy, adjust his stance, and make ready to kick the large metal doors that blocked his way clean off their pathetic hinges. Ranma took a single breath, held it, then lashed his foot out and collided with-

Empty air.

The doors began to pull open as if by magic, revealing the lair of his fated foe. On the other side lay a plush carpet in vivid colors, paintings and sculptures stolen from various cultures, tasteless statuettes featuring his evil rival, a long table covered in a myriad assortment of freshly cooked foods, two bowing demonic maids who cast their eyes towards the floor, but worst of all was the man Ranma had come here to kill.

Standing tall at the other end of the table was none other than the Demon King of Furinkan himself, Akane Tendo, a beast cast down from the heavens to plague the mortals of this world. True to most descriptions Ranma had been given, the Demon King refused to wear a shirt of any kind to cover his many muscles, barely had more than an all too tight pair of shiny leather shorts on, bore two great black bat wings that he spread wide as soon as he locked eyes with Ranma, and upon his head was a pair of impressive looking horns that could have gored a bear with ease…

And yet, other than those obvious traits, he otherwise looked like a fairly attractive young man. If Ranma didn't know better, he might have even thought they were the same age…

“Ah, Ranma, I was wondering when you would arrive. I trust you found the amusements to your satisfaction.” The Demon King’s voice purred as he openly mocked Ranma's accomplishments. Defeating the great Tendo Gorgon in the dungeons or the Undead Samurai in the courtyard was not a source of amusement at all! He'd been gathering power and making sure he didn't get surprise attacked when he came here for the final showdown!

“Your reign of terror ends now, vile demon!” Ranma replied, thrusting his finger forward as he prepared himself for combat. “I'm giving you one last chance to surrender and face justice for your crimes! It's more than you deserve!”

“Surrender, at my crowning moment of triumph?” Akane's voice boomed, his eyes briefly flashing red with anger until he composed himself. “Perhaps I shall, on one condition.”

“That's what I thought, you-” Ranma's body tensed up as he prepared to rush forward, leap over the table, and belt out a flurry of punches, but he barely took two steps before he realized exactly what the demon was saying. “Y- you are surrendering?”

“I wouldn't do it for just anyone, I assure you, but I am not so foolish as to think I could defeat you. The fight would have been glorious, however.” Akane said, smirking as he sat down at the table. “But before I deign to accept bondage at your behest, I really would like to treat you as my esteemed guest. Please, sit.”

The demon king gestured to the lone empty seat next to him at the table, which sat before a great many dishes, and an empty plate he could have presumably filled to his hearts content.

“T- this is a trick. You ain't this nice,” Ranma muttered as he nevertheless took his seat, compelled by politeness to at least look over the meal presented to him. Delicious Hokkaido crab sat just in reach, alongside the necessary butter to make it a food of the gods, fresh caught and grilled barbeque eel took center stage in front of him, mocking him with its opulence, and these things were flanked by beautiful salads, frankly massive fruits, and some of the fluffiest and sweetest looking cakes he'd ever seen. “You're poisoning me, I know better!”

“Am I? That would be most unfortunate, I had so many plans for our last day together,” Akane shook his head and simply smiled down at Ranma, forcing Ranma's heart to skip as a result of some terrible arcane power. “If you're really worried, simply tell me what to eat, and I'll show you how harmless my intentions truly are…”

“Oh yeah?!” Ranma glared as he tried to remember whether or not the stories about his foe included the demon being immune to poison. Unfortunately, he was pretty sure there were a few tales of the king being temporarily driven off by an especially quick thinking hunter with scorpion venom or whatever, so Akane must have been telling the truth.

That just meant some other terrible thing was going on.

Not breaking eye contact, Ranma grabbed a bit of eel with the chopsticks one of the dutiful maids suddenly thrust into his hand, and he wasted no time dangling it directly in front of the monster's pretty little face, wiggling it so Akane would part his soft lips and accept a bite of the potentially tainted delicacy. “Well, go on, unless you're-”

The Demon King elegantly grabbed the food right out of Ranma's chopsticks with his very long and flexible tongue, pulling the chuck of flesh into his mouth where he swallowed it whole with ease .

“Perfectly delicious, though I really would rather that the food were going in your mouth. I couldn't bear to starve you... “ Akane put a hand to his chest and let out a fake sigh, feigning worry over something that Ranma knew he didn't care about. They were enemies, they both knew that. As soon as his performance was over, the demon took a chunk of eel in his own utensils, letting it sit in the air as he considered what to do with it. “Would you rather I feed myself, or you, fair warrior?”

Ranma blinked for a few moments as he realized that the demon was trying to trick him in a different way. This was a simple question, but the answer clearly wasn't. Either Akane had grabbed a poisoned piece and was trying to offer it to Ranma to poison him, or the demon had grabbed one of the last safe chunks of meat for himself, and was going to lull Ranma into a sense of security.

Bereft of better ideas, Ranma simply took a deep breath and nodded in the affirmative, trusting in the Demon King's unwillingness to poison himself.

“You can feed me, it's only fair,” Ranma said with a smirk right before plucking the fresh eel out of the demon’s chopsticks with his teeth.

And unfortunately, he immediately began to groan in satisfaction. Eel had always been too expensive for him, but the meat was so sweet, sauced to perfection, and it was practically melting in his mouth. He knew he needed more, and that only put him in Akane's debt.

In the debt of the evil fiend who was smiling softly at him, the light catching Akane's eyes just right to force Ranma's gut to flutter. Ranma swallowed his little morsel as he tried to stare Akane down, willingly losing himself in the moment, in the hopes that it would last forever. 

“Good, isn't it?” Akane asked, offering Ranma another bite that he unfortunately couldn't stop himself from taking.

Some rational part of him wondered if this food was poisoned, if it had been laced with something that was making his heart race. That was only justifiable reason for his inability to resist the food on offer, for how hard it was to get Akane out of his head, or for how much Ranma desperately wished to press his lips-

“Get up, boy, you're going to be late!” Shouted a voice that pierced straight through the haze of Ranma's dreams, stranding him back in a sad reality where he was not the honored guest of a powerful monarch. 

There was no great banquet laid before him to delight his senses, there was only the shrill voice of pops yelling at him, a foot shaking him awake, and a pillow lodged firmly in his mouth that he'd been chewing on.

“I'm up, I'm up…” Ranma muttered as he pulled his mouth off the now damp pillow, stretched, and then jumped out of the futon. “You don't need to rush me, I musta just trained too hard yesterday.”

That had to be it. Ranma had been practicing ice skating with Akane these last few days, and proximity to the idiot—and having to cling to the jerk all the time for support—was just making him dream of stupid things, or act crazy. That had to be it. If nothing else, he had to be glad that he hadn't had a single nightmare about that Mikado creep, so Ranma was going to count his blessings. Kissing Akane—in a dream, at least—would have been much nicer than reliving that shameful experience…

But at least Ranma was going to get his revenge! As soon as he got dressed, had breakfast, and dealt with school for the day, Ranma was going to pay that Mikado punk back in full!

The afternoon sun shone brightly as Akane and Ranma made their way towards Kolkhoz High’s back entrance. The friends and family that had followed the pair here from Furinkan entered through the front doors of the big indoor-swimming-pool-turned-ice-rink facility, but the competitors had to power wall around to the side entrance. In a few moments they were going to change into the outfits Nabiki had gotten ready for them and stand bravely on the ice once more!

At least, Akane would. He wasn't sure that whatever Ranma had planned would count as ‘standing’, but they were going to make it work either way. They couldn't lose to the so-called Golden Pair, not while the honor of Anything-Goes was on the line!

And Akane certainly wasn't going to pass up another opportunity to punch that Mikado guy.

“Are you the competitors?” asked a lady sitting behind a desk as soon as they passed through the door. Her question might as well have been rhetorical though, considering the pair was carrying their ice skates and outfits with them in bags slung over their shoulders.

“Yeah, that's us, we’re here to fight the Golden Pair,” Akane said, trying to keep his voice as gentle as possible. That Mikado guy may have been a pest, but he was probably still loved by the school, and Akane wasn't going to do himself any favors by being needlessly passionate about clubbing Mikado until the bastard was unconscious and twitching. “I’m Akane Tendo, and this is my partner Ranma Saotome.”

“Hey.” Ranma waved his hand and smiled, doing his best to put on a show of genuine confidence.

It was likely misplaced confidence, but Akane was just glad Ranma hadn't been too traumatized by that lech to face him again.

“Okay, then you'll want to head down the hall and turn towards your dressing rooms. Left for you, Mr. Tendo, and right for Ms. Saotome.” the attendant gestured down a passageway, and Akane nodded in response. He was about to start walking when she coughed awkwardly to clear her throat and added a simple question. “Are you two… close? As a couple, I mean.”

“Uh…” Akane's mouth hung open as he considered how best to answer that question. They were supposedly close, but that was all an act—an act that Ranma was clearly starting to hate—and otherwise they really were just friends. They hung out all the time, sure, but they'd never done anything with each other any two other boys wouldn't. The engagement didn't matter. They were just-

“We’re lovingly engaged, miss!” Ranma latched onto Akane's arm, once more leaning just hard enough into the sham to confuse Akane's sense of what the truth was. Akane had to be careful though, he couldn't treat her like a girl, Ranma had clearly been irritated by that lately. “Why, I'll be Mrs. Tendo in a few years!”

“T- that's right!” Akane rubbed the back of his head as he was suddenly forced to play along with Ranma’s affection. “A- as soon as I turn eighteen, we’re going to have a great big Shinto wedding!”

“Oh, I see.” The woman behind the counter shook her head and let out a long sigh, and fortunately her melancholy stopped Akane from having to imagine Ranma in the overly beautiful wedding kimono he knew their parents were already planning on buying. “I'm sorry you two have to be here today… but, good luck.”

“Thanks,” Akane replied with a shrug as he accepted the weird support from the suddenly morose lady. He had no clue what was up with her, but he genuinely didn't have time for it. He and Ranma needed to get changed and out on the ice in just a few minutes! 

The couple swiftly walked down the hallway and split up, headed for their respective areas. Akane briefly mused about reminding Ranma not to gawk at any girls while he was changing, but he'd been changing around girls for weeks now already. If he was going to be a creep, he'd have gotten in trouble for it by now.

Regardless, Akane pushed his way into the men's changing room, walked into a booth, and set down his bag. He was never the fastest at getting changed normally, but he definitely couldn't rush this. Nabiki had thrust this stupid bag into his hands after school, and he had no idea what kind of costume she'd picked out for him, only that it was inevitably going to be embarrassing.

He slipped out of his jacket and tank top, dropped his pants, and then started getting to work unraveling the mysteries of his brand new outfit.

Akane rolled his eyes when the first thing he pulled out was a belt with a long spade tail attached to it, however. He should have known his big sister was going to lean into the nickname thing pretty hard for this. 

Trying not to overthink things, Akane pulled on the tight black pants, fastened the belt on despite how silly it was, threw on a thankfully warm long sleeve shirt patterned with purples and golds, and deigned to actually put on the stupid horn headband that sat at the bottom of the bag. He felt a little silly dressing up like some kind of monster, but he supposed he did have to play the role of the villain here. 

He was going to crush these people's heroes, and he was going to enjoy it.

With all that settled, Akane exited his booth, only to be brought face to face with Mikado. The jerk was putting makeup on in the mirror, likely trying to make his face stand out against the frankly attention-stealing, sparkling gold, rhinestone-studded oversized suit he was wearing. Akane thought the last thing the guy had been wearing was gaudy, but this really took the cake!

“I hope you aren't planning on blinding me, because it's not going to work,” Akane said, folding his arms over his chest as he considered giving himself a little touch-up too. 

He knew how, of course, and it would stop him from looking too pasty under the lights, but then again he would have needed to use this junk after Mikado was done with it, and Akane wasn't sure trying to use communal makeup at a time like this was a good idea. It would have been too easy for someone to poison it… He should have just asked Ranma's for some of hers, earlier.

“I don't need any cheap tricks to beat you, Akane-chan.” Mikado narrowed his eyes as he turned to face Akane, revealing the impromptu asymmetrical shaved haircut he'd needed to adopt in order to make Akane's handwork look decent. It didn't suit his obnoxious handsome guy aesthetic, and that sat perfectly fine with Akane. Maybe it would spare a few girls his damned antics. “If you step onto that rink, I will take everything from you. I hope you're ready for that.”

“Are you trying to intimidate me?” Akane's lip curled as he realized Mikado was still trying to insult him over having a slightly feminine name, and maybe it was time for Akane to threaten the jerk back. “You might be tough on the ice, but I could spare us both the trouble and break all your bones right now.”

Akane cracked his knuckles, grabbed Mikado by the collar, and grinned, but Mikado weirdly just kept smirking.

“Are you sure that's a good idea? You’d certainly be disqualified, your woman would lose her little piglet, is that really what you want?” Mikado made no moves to defend himself or get ready for a fight, forcing Akane to growl before letting the bastard go.

“Maybe, but I can always finish the job after I win.” Akane rolled his shoulders, trying to give Mikado one last little hint of just how much stronger Akane was than a mostly average guy like Mikado.

“If you make it off the ice as anything other than a crumpled heap,” Mikado retorted, flicking his wrists as he started walking away from Akane and towards the door. “We’ll find out soon enough, won't we, Akane-chan?”

Akane wished he had a retort as the guy opened the door and left, but it was all Akane could do to avoid decking him then and there. 

Instead, he just had to take a deep breath and follow the jerk out. Their match was starting soon, and Akane was not going to be late.

Ranma sighed as he looked himself over in the mirror, eyeing the frankly over-the-top ensemble Nabiki had apparently picked out for him. This was not fighting gear, it wasn't even skating gear! The deep purple ‘leotard’ he was wearing came up way too high on his waist, and had a far too generous cut out for his bust. Nabiki wanted people to ogle him like some kind of eye candy! 

Though, he supposed he understood. The girl in the mirror was beautiful, she was probably going to sell tickets, move merchandise, and trick people into placing bets against her. It was probably the perfect combination for Nabiki's little schemes. Ranma just wasn't sure he wanted to be the idiot out there wearing it, especially since it was going to be cold!

But at least that was the most demeaning part of everything. The long spade-tipped tail was kind of cute, the adorable little horns looked kind of nice on his head, and he didn't really mind the tall socks he had to wear or the elbow gloves that made him look a bit like he had claws. He was sort of vicious, for an over sexualized demonic doll, and he didn’t mind that at all.

The look wasn't quite perfect though. First, Ranma grabbed his prodigious braid and carefully wrapped it up into a braided bun on his head—just to keep it safe from any stray blades—and then he set to work doing his makeup. He didn't know why Nabiki had put his makeup case at the bottom of his bag of supplies, but since he had it, this outfit was going to benefit from him trying things out.

He needed some strong eyeliner to make him look fierce and feminine at a distance, pretty purple eyeshadow to match the outfit he had on, and he had more than enough time to cover up any minor blemishes on his face if he worked quickly. Sure, he was tan enough that any spotlights they ended up using wouldn't wash his skin out and make him look gross and pasty or anything, but that was no excuse for him not to look his best, the reputation of Anything-Goes was on the line! He followed that up with just enough ruby red lipstick to be visible, since he had to be the prettiest little-

“Is Azusa supposed to think that the widdle devil is actually going out onto the ice? Did she ever learn how?” 

Ranma's current rival suddenly talking jolted him to attention, though thankfully his abrupt movement didn't smudge anything he'd just put on. He turned to face Azusa slowly, glaring at the girl who was trying to steal Ryoga's pig, and had let that Mikado creep kiss him!  

She smiled back at him, expertly hiding any anger she held behind a perfectly vapid expression that suited her extremely ostentatious sparkling gold leotard just fine. Ranma honestly felt underdressed now that he was wearing such dark and muted colors, but he supposed Nabiki might not have known that he was going to be facing a living disco ball.

That was fine though, Azusa was all flash, and if that was how she had to hold people's attention, Ranma wasn't worried. Ranma's girl side was a goddess, and she was much better built than some twiggy girl who was still trying to talk like a child for attention!

“I learned more than enough to beat your partner into a pulp.” Ranma clenched his fists and flexed his muscles, trying to make sure this girl understood exactly how powerful Ranma could be. “Now I don't like hitting gi- hitting other girls, so I'd appreciate it if you just gave up now, but I'll pound you into dust if I have to.”

“Give up? Why would Azusa do that when she's about to go home with her dearest little Charlotte?” Azusa tilted her head in imitation of confusion before she walked over to the far end of the room, standing before a personalized locker that was clearly hers, which she then opened. 

Ranma couldn't make out its contents too clearly from where he was standing, but as far as he could see he was pretty sure it was full of old photos of Azusa in various outfits, CDs, and disused light sticks. Azusa rooted around in the locker for a moment before throwing a polaroid directly at Ranma's face with sufficient force that she could have embedded it in his forehead had he not caught it. “And Azusa does have little Charlotte. Ms. Devil is a vewy very bad pet owner, and she should be glad that Azusa did not just take her dearest piggy home.”

Ranma narrowed his eyes as he flipped the photo around to see it, and he couldn't stop himself from grimacing what it contained. Ryoga's poor little unnamed pig was chained up and tied down inside a big golden trophy, and a little handwritten time on the back mentioned that this had just been taken a few hours ago…

“If poor stupid Azusa did take him home, she'd regret it!” Ranma snapped as he started walking off, headed for the exit of the dressing room. “I will not give up my friend's pet, that piglet is all he has!”

Ranma didn't wait for the girl to give a retort or really say anything back to him, instead exiting the dressing room so he could make his way back into the hallway. Thankfully there were signs guiding him to the rink, and he was able to start sprinting his way there with his skates in hand. 

If it was a fight this chick wanted, it was a fight she was going to get!

He soon arrived in a big open room, and the biting chill immediately informed him that he was in the right place. A great crowd surrounded the arena, and their mutterings and chatterings told him that they were getting antsy about the main event. To that end, Ranma turned left towards the side clearly labeled ‘Furinkan High’ and quickly joined up with Akane, who was lacing up his skates.

“That's your outfit?” Ranma asked as he sat on the bench next to his fiancee and started having his up as well, though Ranma's incredulousness was swiftly replaced by an unfortunate burning in his otherwise chilly cheeks.

Akane might have been wearing a lot more than he had in Ranma's stupid dream from this morning, but he looked like an imposing demonic king, he was strong, confident, and far far too easy to cuddle up against for warmth. The soft silk jacket he was wearing was undoubtedly going to feel good to touch, Akane's impressive horns certainly looked like they could protect Ranma from danger, and those way too tight pants did a little more than outline his-

“Yeah, it's kinda basic, I know,” Akane replied, rolling his eyes as he turned to face Ranma and then immediately froze his place. Akane's body refused to move or budge, and his jaw hung open as he stared directly at Ranma with a creeping blush of his own spreading over his face.

Rather, he was staring directly at her cleavage, like a typical boy presented with a pretty girl in a nice outfit. Ranma couldn't blame him though, she was basically the perfect girl. “W- what are you wearing?!”

“A hostess get-up your sister borrowed, I'm sure,” Ranma muttered, folding his arms over his chest to stop Akane from staring while flicking his own gaze away from Akane. “It don't matter, long as the audience likes it, it's doin’ its job, I guess.”

“Y- yeah, right, exactly,” Akane said as he stood up, and as soon as Ranma joined him he placed a hand on Ranma's side automatically, pulling her close. “W- well just need to make a good entrance, wow the crowd, then win this fight!”

“You know you don't gotta squeeze me...” Ranma scowled and turned away from his fiancee as he pulled Akane's hand off of him, if only so that Ranma wouldn't be pressed against Akane any longer. 

Ranma's recurring nightmares weren't the only things making it difficult for Ranma to handle Akane's affection, but the vivid imagery from this morning didn't help. 

Akane was a man, Ranma was a man, they weren't supposed to be too close, and while Ranma knew Akane was just pretending, well…

That just made it hurt.

Or do something like hurting, anyway. Ranma didn't understand why his heart got all messy when Akane was nice to him, couldn't comprehend why another man was causing him to so thoroughly doubt himself, and he could only blame so much of it on the curse or the lies. 

Some of it, Ranma had to admit—if only to himself—was just because Akane was cute, was sweet, and would have been a really good catch, if Ranma could really have him.

N- not that Ranma was supposed to want to have him, of course! But just knowing that the guy was a catch and then he was at least ostensibly Ranma's was satisfying in a way that was difficult to simply ignore, especially since he paid so much damn attention to ‘her’. 

Akane was always being nice to his faux girlfriend, always showering Ranma with stupid gifts—even if he didn't ask—while constantly taking him out to eat, or hangout, or just do things, and…

Well, what man wouldn't get lost in the tide of kindness and affection? Who wouldn't briefly entertain the idea of being with a man if it so consistently brought joy and wonder? Especially with how much of his life had been a struggle outside of the art.

It was almost funny. The same rigorous training journey that had forged Ranma into the ideal warrior—the perfect man—had also rendered him perfectly susceptible to the corrupting influence of another man's kindness, made it easy to imagine running a long-term scam as the guy's devoted house-

“That's right, it's Kolkhoz High’s favorite third years, the Golden Pair themselves, here to win the first ever Porcine Cup!” The voice of a sports announcer rang out loud and clear over the many loudspeakers, expertly reminding Ranma that he could worry about the stupid butterflies in his heart later. 

As soon as they were introduced, Mikado and Azusa made their way out onto the ice as a group, showing off by moving in big swooping circles, doing jump after jump after jump, while finishing with that creepy guy doing a long and rapid spin that the Azusa chick leapt directly into, so she could appear to be swimming through open air until she made it over his head, whereupon he stopped and simply held her aloft for a few moments, and then calmly set her back down.

“Psh, amateurs,” Akane muttered under his breath before grabbing Ranma by the hand. “We can do way better than that.”

“M- maybe,” Ranma replied, not quite sure that his skills were that impressive. They didn't need to be, though. This was martial arts figure skating, and he was good enough at the fighting that his difficulties with the latter were going to barely matter. “B- but we should hold back, right? Then they'll underestimate us.”

“We’ll show them up, while holding back, just watch!” Akane turned and flashed a grin at Ranma, once again briefly reigniting the weird quivering in Ranma's heart, but he had to ignore it. They had a fight to win, and Ranma hadn’t gotten to fight anything challenging in a while!

Before Ranma could try to respond to Akane, the loudspeakers let out a slight screech, drawing everyone's attention over to the announcer booth. Nabiki had sat next to this school’s chosen referee, and after a brief discussion apparently had earned the right to commentate as well. 

“But can the Golden Pair stand up to the finest fighters Furinkan has to offer?! Will they triumph over the deadliest duo to ever duel an entire school and win?! Introducing our challengers, the Deeeeeemon Kiiiing and Queeeeen of Fuuu-Riiin-Kaaaaaaaaan!”

Ranma let out a groan as soon as Nabiki's narration began, but he didn't have time to complain about it, because Akane immediately yanked him out onto the ice. Unprepared, Ranma barely managed to keep his skates under him as Akane tried to duplicate the big circular motions of their foes, and as soon as he started trying to get fancy with his footwork, Ranma immediately lost his balance. 

With only a fleeting moment before disaster, Ranma had to decide between letting go of Akane's hand or tugging on it, and he ended up trying to push himself away from Akane to prevent Akane from falling over as well. Unfortunately the big idiot didn't understand, and immediately leaned hard to the right to try to catch him. Akane's hands wrapped tight around Ranma's hips, digging in tight before he tried to pull Ranma upright, but Ranma couldn't stop himself from flailing at the second sudden falling sensation, ruining Akane's balance yet again.

The sudden motion sent the pair into a rapid spin, with Akane leaning further and further back to try to keep them upright. Ranma had no idea what to do beyond waving his arms and legs around, and eventually that must have helped because they came to a total stop in the center of the rink, with Akane's back bent almost all the way towards the ground, while his skates remained stable on the ice. His flexibility should have been impressive, if they hadn't just made total fools of themselves…

“Did you have to grab my butt so damn hard?” Ranma muttered, as soon as he managed to compose himself.

“I- it was all I could reach…” Akane whispered back, calmly placing Ranma down next to him so he could stand up. 

“I'm sure my bein’ pretty had nothing to do with it…’

Akane tilted his head in response, but a cheering crowd of Furinkan students forced the both of them to stop talking and start waving to the assembled people. That entrance shouldn't have been very good, but if people thought it was planned, maybe it was good enough.

“If that's all you've got, this fight is already over,” said Mikado, sneering as he waited for the bell to ring and the match to begin. “You may as well hand me my prize now.”

“Oooh, Mr. Imp is sooooo cute! When Azusa beats him, she should name him Emily and drag him home with her!” Azusa’s voice rang out in some pathetic attempt at singing, and while Ranma didn't fully understand what she was going on about, he did know that the mere idea that another girl was going to drag Akane home with them made Ranma's blood boil.  

He'd carefully planned what to make for dinner tonight, to celebrate victory and warm both himself and Akane up after this match, and he wasn't going to let all that effort go to waste!

“E- Emily?” Akane asked, rejecting entirely the wrong part of the weirdo’s statement.

Another crackling from over the loudspeakers snatched the competitors’ attention, and in the distance Ranma could see Nabiki holding up her synthesizer, clearly ready to ring out a fake gong.

“Now that we’ve had stunning entrances from both our talented competitors, it's time for the main event!” The local announcer said into their microphone.

“We want a good clean fight out there today, keep it inside the ring, keep it fair, and don't forget to keep it fun!” Nabiki hit a button to broadcast the faux going through the loudspeakers, and with that the war was on!

Both teams immediately started moving—though Ranma mostly found himself pulled along by Akane—and while the Golden Pair had fancy footwork and could have avoided Ranma and Akane if they wished, they had to come towards Ranma and Akane eventually.  

Their first move was to send Azusa whirling around them in a pincer maneuver headed straight for Ranma, but he and his partner had already planned how to deal with that. Akane grabbed both of Ranma's hands and spun around once, turning Ranma into a weapon. Ranma swung his legs forward in time with Akane's motions, delivering a brutal kick that Azusa couldn’t scramble to dodge in time. Ranma felt his feet clip something, causing the girl to stumble and struggle to maintain her balance as she skated off to rejoin her partner. 

“And first blood goes to the Demons!” Nabiki shouted, loud enough to be heard over the cheering and jeering crowd. “That single kick may not be enough to stop the Golden Girl, but I bet it came as a surprise!”

“I’m just glad there's no actual blood!” Yelled the other announcer, leaning over to share the microphone. “I don't know about the challengers from Furinkan, but our champions keep their blades razor sharp! If anything happens, our challengers signed a waiver!”

Ranma's eye twitched at the implication that he had to fear knives, swords, or any other kind of bladed implement, but he didn't have time to focus on the commentary as Akane swung him at Azusa once more… 

Only to let Ranma go.

Ranma soared off into the distance, and through his spinning he could only barely make out the fact that Akane was presently fistfighting Mikado, who must have interrupted Akane's attack. 

Ranma pulled in his legs and tried to right himself before he crashed into the ground unceremoniously, but he very suddenly found his motion arrested when a pair of thighs gripped the side of Ranma's head, flipped him in the air, and slammed him into the ice with a resounding thud that cracked the ice ever so slightly.

“She’s not out yet folks, I think I can see her twitching!” called out the Kolkhoz announcer, calling unnecessary attention to Ranma's sudden pain. “That's unfortunate, a quick defeat here might have spared them what comes next, but maybe Ms. Shiratori wants to drag this one out!”

“Cheap trick,” Ranma muttered as he pushed off the ice with his hands, standing more or less upright just in time to go wide-eyed as Azusa charged him with a mallet!

“Where did she find a hammer?!” Nabiki asked, mirroring Ranma's thoughts as he tried his best to dodge and weave around the attacks despite his difficulty skating. “Are weapons even legal?”

“As long as nobody leaves the ring, the sky’s the limit!” the other announcer answered, and Ranma was going to keep that ruling in mind for later. 

For now though, he had run out of space to retreat, his back was to the wall, and Azusa was still headed straight for him. Ranma focused, trying to move with fluidity and grace, acting faster than the eye could see or the mind could process. Ranma lunged forward, watching the hammer creep closer and closer to him as microseconds ticked by, and when everything was in position he reached his hand up, grabbed the handle of the hammer, stopped it, and started delivering an uppercut straight to the other girl’s jaw, that would connect right as-

A sudden motion shook Ranma from his intense martial arts focus, and he quickly realized he was being carried away from his previous target. He was stuck in some guy's arms, and they weren't even Akane's. At least that would have been comfortable…

Instead, Ranma had to put up with that creep Mikado 

“You really must forgive Azusa, she can be enthusiastic,” Mikado said, tipping Ranma back as the pair skated off. “I know that on this battlefield we must consider ourselves foes, but I couldn't bear to see her hurt your pretty little face. Besides, surely you know that love can bloom even-”

Ranma headbutted Mikado in the mouth to shut him up, and as he reeled from the sudden pain, Ranma squirmed his way free and delivered a flurry of kicks as he fell, each one striking Mikado like a lightning bolt, until eventually he rocketed off into the air.

With a thump, Ranma's back hit the ground, and he fought to catch his breath as he waited for his enemy to fall. As soon as gravity pulled Mikado back down, Ranma was going to break the bastard’s ribs!

Ranma would not get the chance, however, because a sudden silhouette leapt over Ranma, and even though the figure was blocking the lights, Ranma could make out the way it delivered a precise and devastating punch into Mikado's side, sending the guy flying off to the edge of the ring. Ranma's sudden savior then landed gracefully next to him, circled around Ranma for a moment, and helped him to his feet.

“He didn't do anything, did he?” Akane asked, smiling far too sweetly for a guy with a few bruises on his neck. “I should have gotten here sooner, but-”

“I'm okay, relax,” Ranma replied, dusting himself off. “I'm more worried about you! Don't those hurt?!”

“It's nothing I can't handle, don't worry,” Akane said, still trying to grin his way through it, though before he could reassure Ranma further they were both interrupted by a loud groan from across the ring.

“Of course it hurts, you keep hitting it!” Yelled Mikado, glaring at Azusa who was fake crying in response to his anger. “It doesn't matter, anyway, I can still win this fight!”

Mikado turned to face Ranma and Akane, and while Ranma had a dozen different things he wanted to say or shout at the lech who had made a move on him again, they all tangled up in Ranma's mouth and left him simmering in silent anger instead. Ranma was angry, until Akane put his hand on Ranma's shoulder, and then his stupid head got all messy again.

“We’re perfectly willing to finish this fight, Sanzenin, but let me make one thing perfectly clear!” Akane’s voice boomed throughout the arena, and the roar of the crowd quieted to allow the Demon King to make his proclamation. Akane squeezed Ranma's shoulder tight as the lights dimmed and a spotlight fell upon the four competitors, and only once the stage was perfectly set did he continue. “Ranma is my fiance, got it?! If you even think about kissing her again, I’ll kill you!”

The Furinkan section of the crowd immediately started cheering, but Ranma could barely hear them over the sudden thumping noise that flooded his ears. Ranma had no idea how to interpret Akane's overprotectiveness, and while Ranma was positive that Akane had to just be acting for the crowd…

Her heart begged for him to mean it. Wanted that passionate declaration of possession and love to be real. N- nobody owned her, of course, but if anyone had the right to even try to capture her affection, it was- it was-

Akane’s battle aura surged to life as he soaked up the attention, and despite how little control Ranma presently had over her body, she could feel hers spark and sputter to life to join his in a great big fireworks show of love. Ranma had no idea what it looked like, only that the crowd grew even louder, Akane's grip grew tighter, and Ranma- Ranma-

Part of Ranma, small but insistent, wished that Akane would kiss her right now, if only to put the perfect cherry on this moment, so she wouldn't have to spend future nights alone thinking about this moment, about the future she could have had if she just-

“Guess we left an impression, huh?” Akane whispered, turning to face Ranma with closed eyes, a warm smile, and lips that were just pursed enough to mock Ranma's impulses. 

“Y- yeah, I g- guess you did…”

“Fiancee? So you're engaged, how unfortunate,” Mikado said, his calm and confident voice flowing over the ice towards the couple. “For you that is. I almost pity you, the guilt of having to shatter a young woman’s heart is only made heavier the more she once loved you, the closer you were to marrying her.”

“What's that supposed to mean?!” Akane shouted as the lights came back on, but instead of answering Mikado and Azusa suddenly split up and started charging Akane and Ranma. 

Unwilling to wait for their incoming attack, Akane rushed forward to intercept Mikado, leaving Ranma to start skating on his own so he could face Azusa and finish this decisively. Before Ranma could even take a swing at her, however, she very suddenly traded places with her partner, forcing Ranma to leap over the grabby hands of a pervert instead.

“You're so brave and strong, Mr. Emily, I'm surprised you had to settle for trash.” Azusa’s lilting voice stole Ranma's attention, causing him to skitter and skid as he tried to land. “Azusa knows, why doesn’t he go on a date with Azusa instead? He’ll have so much more fun!”

“I- I- I mean- My name isn't Emily, It's Akane! Ah-Ka-Ne!” Akane’s reply only succeeded in making Ranma emit a low growl, since he wasn’t exactly refusing her! Worse, Azusa had already been fake crying even before he let out a single word, so he just looked stupid after that big show he'd made about being engaged to Ranma!

Ranma glared and started skating towards them, even as Akane frantically backed away from his opponent. Ranma understood that Akane probably didn't want to actually hurt girls—the only reason Ranma was comfortable with it was because he was wearing a girl's body—but Akane still shouldn’t have been acting like this! He should have shut her down, yelled at her, insulted her, or at least raced to Ranma's side!

As soon as Ranma caught up to them he was going to punch Akane and Azusa, in that order! How dare Akane make a show like that and then immediately turn around and let some girl flirt with him, didn't he know-

“I'm sorry, my sweet,” Mikado’s voice interrupted Ranma's thoughts, and it was only then that he realized he was suddenly flying straight upward, as if someone had thrown him.

Down below, Azusa jumped up above Akane, grabbed him with her thighs just like she'd done to Ranma, but instead then flipped and launched them both into the air instead of slamming him onto the ground. They both sailed towards Ranma, and on instinct Akane and Ranma both grabbed each other's hands, trying to stay together instead of letting circumstances—or differences in relative velocity—drift them apart.

“That's it for this fight, folks! Another couple is trapped in the clutches of the Goodbye Whirl!” the Kolkhoz announcer declared, signaling Ranma's defeat far too early. Ranma still had control of the situation, so what if Azusa was now grappling Mikado and they’d formed some kind of pillar? 

“Goodbye Whirl?” Nabiki asked, overly fake enthusiasm ringing her voice as she set her compatriot up to explain a signature technique.

Though the whirl part was suddenly very very evident once Mikado started spinning obscenely fast, leaving Ranma struggling to hold onto Akane's hands. 

“The famous Goodbye Whirl is the Golden Pair’s most powerful move! Tendo and Saotome are trapped, hurtling around and around at high speed…” the announcer said, highlighting the painfully obvious. Ranma and Akane both fought to stay together, even as the tornado grew faster and faster. “There's only one way out! If Tendo wants to save himself, he'll let Saotome go, sending her flying towards the wall. Such is the cruelty of the move, their only chance at freedom is by destroying their trust in each other completely! Many couples have been destroyed in this arena by this wicked technique, and I fear we may have to add one more!”

“Don't count on it!” Nabiki shouted, audibly pushing the other announcer out of the way in a brief screech of interference. “That's not just any couple out there, that's my brother and my future-sister-in-law, and I think we all just saw that their love for one another burns brighter than the sun itself! They can handle one little spiral!”

While Nabiki's support was appreciated, and did cause Ranma's gut to flutter once more—unless that sensation was caused by the centrifugal force—it wasn’t actually helping. Now that Ranma understood the move, he already knew how to beat it, but it was going to require looking like an unhappy couple. Ranma released his grip on Akane, only to feel Akane's grip tighten in response.

“Let me go, Akane!” Ranma struggled to free himself, hoping the idiot would understand. “You have to let me go!”

“After everything they just said?” Akane grunted as he pulled her closer to him, fighting Ranma every step of the way. 

“Who cares about what they think the move does! W- we- we both know the engagement’s a sham, and…” Ranma's words grew quiet as he tried to simply admit the truth they both knew, and when Akane clearly didn't react to them, Ranma knew he had to say something else. “The Saotome school is all about aerial techniques, I'll be fine! If we’re lucky, I'll even ricochet offa somethin’ and show them a thing or two, so just let me go!”

“I- I can't…” Akane stared straight at Ranma, the spinning lights overhead making his eyes shimmer and shine in a dazzling pattern. “How could I possibly call you my fiancee if I couldn't even keep you safe? We’ll find a way out of this, I promise.” 

The moment he called her his fiancee again, Ranma's body immediately stopped struggling against his grip. It took her mind a couple of seconds to reboot itself under the sheer overload of her fiancee being both sweet and staggeringly stupid. It was all very good that he cared about her, but being trapped in this spin was tiring her out way more than landing upright would have! He was such a stupid dumb no good cute little idiot, and she needed to get through to him before it was too late!

“I'm flattered ‘Kane, I am, but I can take care of my-”

For the third or fourth time today, Ranma was suddenly interrupted by the sensation of weightlessness. Ranma and Akane were both flying towards the wall, while their former captors collapsed from dizziness.

“See there, the Young Lovers from Hell have defeated the Goodbye Whirl!” Nabiki said, heralding a brief round of cheers from the audience. 

“But they're about to pay a terrible price! Now they'll both be risking utter defeat!” the other announcer added, right as Ranma started trying to right himself so he could take the upcoming impact as painlessly as possible.

Unfortunately, stabilizing himself met with one little tiny snag… 

Akane had grabbed onto Ranma, and already shifted their positions. The chivalrous buffoon was about to take the full force of the impact on his back, all because he was too stupid to trust Ranma to save herself!

I- it was sweet, and she didn't mind being held tight, but this was not the time or place to be having those weird feelings!

Ranma was powerless to stop herself from being pressed against Akane even harder as they slammed into the wall. Akane was tough, she wanted to believe he could survive the impact, but the way he then fell on top of her as they hit the ground had her worried. He wasn't moving, she couldn't tell if he was breathing, and his grip was getting so loose…

“You idiot! You didn't have to do that! Why do you gotta be such a hard headed jackass?! I- I-” Tears beaded at the corner of Ranma's eyes as she shook him over and over, trying to resuscitate him.

“A guy goes through all that trouble to save you, and you insult him?” Akane asked, very suddenly rolling off of Ranma. She shivered from the abrupt return of the cold, but she didn't have time to worry about that, she needed to get him back on his feet.

“Can you stand, ‘Kane?” Ranma asked, watching him wobble on unsteady legs that definitely told Ranma that he was still suffering from something. “I- if we have to give up here, I get it. I- I can carry you home, or to that doctor, and he-”

“I'm fine!” Akane yelled, though tears cascaded out from his eyes like they were connected to the Yangtze river. “We can still win this! J- just trust me!”

“Oh, Ranma can win this,” cried out a voice as the lights went dark, “But not with you!”

Ryoga leapt down as soon as he'd turned off all the lights, his heart swelling with vigor. He was about to help the sweetest and cutest woman in all the world win a tournament, they'd get a trophy, he could lead her out on a wonderful date right afterwards, and maybe the two of them could talk about a future together…

But that was a dream for later. Right now, Ryoga had to shove that bastard Akane away, forcing the idiot to slide away on his skates, tumble over the dividing wall, and leave this to the real martial artists!

“Don’t worry, your real partner has arrived,” Ryoga said, grinning at his companion as the lights finally came back on. “You don't need to tremble anymore, I'll protect you.”

“I'm flattered…” mumbled the only slightly girlish voice of a man, and Ryoga quickly realized that he'd somehow made a mistake. Ranma now sat crumpled over in a heap in the stands, and Ryoga had just grabbed the hand of Akane! “But I’d like Ranma back, if it's all the same to you!”

“Did Furinkan High just attempt a clumsy substitution?!” Called out the local announcer who had been droning on this entire time, and who hadn't noticed Ryoga slipping free of the chains that bound him to the trophy. “That should be grounds for an immediate disqualification, folks!”

“Should be, but I think you could make an exception just this once, couldn't you?” Akane's sister called out, though Ryoga didn't really know why anyone needed to defend his presence. A fight was a fight, and this one had barely begun! “After all, Akane suffered the brunt of the Goodbye Whirl, and he still struggles to fight on! Poor Ryoga, Ranma's guardian angel, simply couldn't stand to watch Akane try and fail to keep her safe!”

Ryoga tilted his head at the brand new title he'd been given, and was entirely unprepared for a small troupe of theater kids to suddenly swarm him almost immediately. They carried with them a simple portable dressing room that he got thrown inside of immediately, and though he could not see through the haze of rapidly applied stage makeup he was acutely aware that he'd just been forced into a brand new outfit. 

He could instantly tell he was wearing some kind of overly soft white tunic that really didn't go down as far as he would have liked given the temperatures, and as he moved his head he felt a an additional headband shift around on his temple, likely supporting some kind of prop like Akane's little devil horns. 

“I- I don't know, this still seems against the rules…” the local announcer complained, her voice faintly carrying over the speakers.

“So there's a second man involved, who cares?!” Mikado shouted, dramatically pointing at Ryoga and Akane now that he'ts actually stood back up from his earlier attack. “If they're both so foolish as to stand between Ranma and her undying love for me, then I see no reason not to fight them both.” 

The monster who had stolen a taste of Ranma's lips went so far as to wink at her after he spoke, but Ranma clearly had no interest in his overtures. Such was her fury that her hands gripped the wall hard enough to send a spiderweb of cracks down the side of it. 

“Leave this to us, Ranma,” Akane said, urging her to stop herself from leaping back into the fray. “We've already had enough rules broken by accident.”

“W- well, if the Golden Pair agree…” the announcer continued, her voice slowly picking up confidence. “Then I see no reason to let this interlude last any longer! Ladies and gentlemen, we shall resume the match between the Golden Pair of Kolkhoz High, and the Demon- the-”

“The Demon and Angel, locked in eternal struggle for Princess Saotome's soul, who must briefly set aside their differences to-” Akane's sister started belting out some off the cuff backstory, but she quickly had the mic taken away from her.

“Versus the Spirits of Furinkan!”

Immediately after the announcer finished both the boy and the girl on the other side of the arena started moving, skating around in big tricksy arcs that almost certainly meant something, but which weren't going to intimidate Ryoga. He didn't need any fancy footwork to win this fight, he just needed to stand firm and use every tool he had!

“Did you ever learn how to skate?” Akane whispered as he followed Mikado with his eyes. “You’d better have, or this will be a short match.”

“What do you take me for? Of course I didn't!” Ryoga ignored Akane's sudden scowl and instead focused on ripping off four of his headbands, granting them a razor edge, and then throwing them downrange at the incoming skaters—or at least the guy. Ryoga wasn't going to try to hit a girl.

Mikado spun around and deflected most of them, embedding them deep into the ice, but one passed just close enough to slice through his suit. It wasn't a real wound, but hurting the guy’s pride was a start!

“Hold on, are those blades?!” Asked the announcer, apparently surprised that Ryoga had brought anything sharp to a match where everyone already had knives on their feet. “Those could have really hurt somebody!”

“It's a good thing the Golden Pair signed a waiver, right?” Akane's sister giggled into the microphone.

Ryoga rolled his eyes and fired off another barrage, trying to overwhelm his foe’s defenses. Akane started skating off and getting in the way, of course, and unfortunately Ryoga couldn't consider him a valid target at the moment, which was starting to limit Ryoga's field of fire. Like it or not, he had to stop engaging at range, and actually try to punch that bastard directly.

Ryoga took a single step, plunging his skate firmly into the ice for support. He could not skate without falling over, but he could walk. Slowly but surely he was going to catch up with Mikado, and then the bastard would be sorry!

Though as luck would have it, he didn't have to run very far. Akane had been engaged in a brief scuffle with the guy and ended up throwing him straight at Ryoga. Acting fast, Ryoga tried to clothesline the freak, but Mikado jumped straight over Ryoga's assault instead, flipping through the air.

“Lotta good you are, pig boy!” Akane hissed as he came to a halt next to Ryoga. “If you can't handle him, can you at least keep that Azusa girl off my back?!”

“What do you expect me to do, slap her?” Ryoga replied, glaring up at Akane. “I can't exactly beat up a girl! You might be willing to hurt a lady, but my dad raised me right, and I respect all women!”

Ryoga raised his voice at the end, turning to face Ranma for but a moment. He wanted her to know that he supported her, that he had no problem with who she was, though he lamented that this declaration had to come now. Ranma seemed moved enough by the display, going so far as to put her hands over her chest as she met Ryoga's gaze…

And that left him too distracted by the haze of her beauty to avoid an oversized mallet that knocked him flat on his back.

“Azusa is so sorry misters Emily and… Charlotte?!” Azusa immediately dropped her weapon as she picked Ryoga up off the ground, her delicate little hands tracing the locked collar that still sat around his neck. He'd covered it up with a spare headband earlier, but the costume team must have removed that! “It is him! Charlotte is a magical man pig, how exciting! He should give up right now and let Azusa takes him home, feed him a bunch of tea and cakes, and then they can watch TV, or play games, or do all sorts of things!

“D- do you really m- mean that, or…” Ryoga’s whole body locked up under the sheer weight of a girl being nice to him. He already had a girl his heart called for, the woman who haunted his dreams and urged him to great feats, b- but this girl was paying attention to him, she was cute enough, and-

“Turning traitor on me, Pig Boy?” Akane abruptly shoved Ryoga back, and though his words were needlessly cruel, they were the reminder Ryoga needed.

Even though this girl wanted to be with him despite his pig curse, he could not tolerate letting his heart wander. He could betray Akane—they were but allies of convenience—but he could never betray Ranma.

“I think that all sounds very lovely, Azusa…” Ryoga stomped forward over the ice, taking both of her hands in one of his own, if only to make what he had to do next easier, and then closed his eyes so he wouldn't chicken out of what needed to be done. “But I can't! Please forgive me, Azusa! A man cannot control his passions!”

Ryoga reached his hand down, dug it into fabric, and tore something off, throwing it into the distance. Unless he'd miscalculated, that was definitely one of her very large boots with ice skates on the bottom, and he had to hope that the fact that the audience just collectively gasped in shock did not mean that he'd just missed and removed the girl's skirt—or worse. Acting while he still had the nerve, Ryoga tore the other one off as well, hopefully casting it far far away from here.

“Did Furinkan High's replacement just do what I think he did?!” asked the announcer, bringing sufficient shame to Ryoga's face that he couldn't will himself to open his eyes.

“I think he did! I'm not sure how Azusa’s going to manage having to run barefoot on this ice, but I hope she has a plan!” Akane's sister added, thankfully finally reassuring Ryoga that he hadn't screwed this up. He could finally open his eyes, exactly in time to watch Azusa begin crying and scampering off into the distance.

“Liliana! Bartholomew! Azusa needs you both!” The girl leapt over the barrier and into the stands, rushing off for her friends or something, leaving Ryoga to shrug. He'd done it, he'd defeated the girl neither boy could bring themselves to punch!

“Well, I guess that counts as a ring out by Furinkan. Can the Golden Boy fight still win this fight two on one? Will the Spirits of Furinkan falter against the Dance of Death?! Stay in your seats folks, it's still anyone's match!”

Ryoga puffed out his chest and waved to Ranma, hoping to celebrate his victory for a moment, but he ended up getting grabbed and dragged along behind Akane, forced to slide on his skate towards the remaining guy.

“We haven't won yet, Hibiki, keep your head in the game!” Akane growled before letting him go and leaping into the air. Akane delivered a flying kick to the briefly shocked Mikado, giving Ryoga ample time to punch the guy in the gut, sending him sliding back towards the wall.

Akane charged forward, intending to tangle with Mikado more directly, but Ryoga had a better plan. They were on a big block of ice, Ryoga had been stabbing his skates into it since he got here, and that meant it was just fragile enough that he could probably split it open directly! If he cracked a massive fissure in it, Mikado would have nowhere to move on those little skates of his, and then he'd be easy pickings!

While Akane let himself get brutalized by a sudden spin attack Mikado launched, Ryoga tore some of the last headbands he had off of his head, threw them into the ice to create a few weak points, and then punched the ground with full force. Great big gashes spread out to Ryoga's left and right, and before he truly understood what was happening, he saw the ground itself lift up into the air, flipping like a pinball lever.

Ryoga was safe enough where he stood—though he did stumble backwards just to make sure he didn't get hit by anything—but the same could not be said for the other fighters. The sheer power Ryoga exerted didn't just move the ground, it also sent that bastard Mikado and the pathetic punk Akane flying off into the distance. Ryoga smirked as he watched them soar, confident that they'd both be thrown into the crowd, guaranteeing his solo victory. Alas, Akane recovered from the surprise of the attack and used Mikado as a springboard, sending the Golden Boy flying even faster out of a window, while arresting Akane's movement so he barely fell inside of the ring.

And barely landed on the ground! The moment Ryoga looked back down he realized that the once stable surface of ice had turned into a series of ice floes scattered across a pool of water.

“I- I don't want to believe it folks, but with that second ring out I have to admit that the Golden Pair has finally suffered their first loss…” declared the announcer, her voice quivering ever so slightly. “But though we must concede that we have faced a minor defeat at the hands of Furinkan High, I ask that we all still stand for the school’s anthem regardless, that we may all agree that the iron curtain of Kolkhoz High’s Sports Supremacy will never truly fall, that we-”

“Let's not get ahead of ourselves, the people paid for a show, and it's not over yet!” Akane's sister interrupted, actively yanking the other announcer’s microphone out of its socket. “Now that no other man stands in their way, Ryoga the Fallen Angel and Akane the Demon King still have a score to settle, and they're going to do it right here, right now!”

Ryoga blinked at how suddenly the announcers had tried to change the fight into a one on one man-to-girlyboy-brawl, but he had to concede that they had a point. This was his chance to prove that he was without a doubt better than Akane, and he was going to take it!

While Akane stood over on the other end of the former rink in a confused stupor, Ryoga pulled off his second-to-last headband and tossed it, aiming to take the bastard out on one shot. Akane reacted too fast, however, and elegantly skated away from the impact site. The force of the blow still broke that island, however, and that meant Akane had to jump to another in the dwindling arena, which gave Ryoga another idea.

“The first one to fall loses, got it Akane?!” Ryoga demanded as he too jumped into the air, accidentally splitting his previous floe into tiny chunks as he left.

That was fine, though. Every destroyed piece of ice reduced the amount of wiggle room Akane had, made it harder and harder for him to continue his elaborate dancing and prancing around the battlefield, and when he had nowhere left to go, Ryoga could destroy the last piece and watch Akane fall.

“You're on, pork breath!” Akane replied, every so often jumping towards Ryoga so the pair could exchange a brief punch or two before he ran off like a coward. He might have thought he was clever, taking advantage of Ryoga's reduced mobility, but he was going to show Akane!

“Do you two really have to do this here?! Akane’s still hurt!” Ranma pressed herself against the barrier, watching as her future boyfriend and current captor fought for her sake. 

“It has to be here, Ranma! I need everyone to see he's not good enough for you!” Ryoga pointed directly at the love of his life, and she once again clutched her chest in shock at his declaration. “I won't let him force you into an engagement, n- not when- not when I-”

“I thought I told you to stay focused!” Akane delivered a flying kick to Ryoga's side, the blade on his foot missing Ryoga's flesh by mere centimeters. The tunic he was wearing wasn't quite so fortunate however, and he now found himself wearing only half an outfit. 

“C- come on you guys, this isn't funny!” Ranma briefly took her eyes off of the action, frantically searching for some way she could interrupt this brawl. He couldn't let her do that, though. He needed to win, fast, so he could proudly confess his love in front of everyone!

She ended up throwing something between the pair as they jumped towards each other for a midair clash, but all that did was let Ryoga bounce off of it towards the penultimate island, with Akane forced to land on the final one. This was it, Ryoga was going to win, prove that he could beat all three enemy skaters single handedly!

Ryoga threw his last headband at Akane to distract him, then jumped again. The floe cracked and shattered behind him like he planned, and all he had to do from there was land. The moment his skates hit the ice he carefully punched the remaining chunk of ice, causing a great series of cracks to spread across Akane's half. Akane tried to jump towards the only bit of land left, but the sheer force of the attack sent Ryoga's chunk of dry land floating away rapidly, leaving Akane nowhere to fall but the ice cold water.

With a loud and satisfying splash, Akane was defeated. Ryoga immediately puffed out his chest and started waving to the crowd, focusing his grin on the beautiful princess who had been waiting for his victory.

Unfortunately, she was paying no attention to him.

Ryoga really didn't understand why she was staring deep into the murky frigid pool—especially since Akane was a grown man and could have taken care of himself—and he could only tap his foot repeatedly as he waited for her to at least acknowledge what he'd done! How could he dedicate his success to her and her kindness if she was too busy worrying about a loser?!

Not only did Ranma not turn to face him, she even threw herself over the wall and dove into the icy void after Akane, acting as if the guy couldn't even swim. He was mad, sure, and he stomped the ground in response, but he supposed that this was also what he loved about her. Ranma was always so sweet, even to people who didn't deserve it, even to people she rightfully should have hated. Her kind and generous heart just couldn't bear to watch another soul suffer if she could have intervened…

Ryoga just wished she could have chosen a better time for that kind of behavior! She could have helped out that sad sack any time, but she could only congratulate Ryoga for fighting for her now, at least until he found the next opportunity to show her how much he cared, how much he wanted to be held in her arms as a man and not some toy pig, how much he wanted to care and provide for her…

He just needed a plan, he needed to get closer to her, he needed-

A single snapping sound was the last thing Ryoga heard before the ground fell out from under him, and a tide of near-frozen water rose up to meet him.

“You know you really need to let me give you swimming lessons, this is getting embarrassing…” Ranma said as the pair crossed the bridge, now moments away from the Tendo Dojo. Akane wanted to be mad at him for bringing that sore spot up, but it was better than her needling Akane over and over about how hurt he looked. He was already mostly fine! “We can use the river if ya want, it's pretty shallow right now.”

“I'll pass, thanks. I'd rather spend the rest of the week on dry land, personally. Maybe I'll even skip going on the yearly beach trip…” Akane folded his arms, hoping she knew he was being mostly sarcastic. 

“You go to the beach that often and you can't even doggy paddle?!” Ranma narrowed her eyes and elbowed him right in the side, eliciting an undignified yelp from Akane's throat. “Hey, you are okay, right? We can stop by the doctor’s.”

“It's just a bruise, relax.” Akane lied, massaging the source of his pain as they walked. “But… thanks, for worrying about me, and for diving in after me.”

“You don't gotta thank me or nothin’, man, what are friends for?” Ranma suddenly turned her head away from Akane, which thankfully meant he missed the way Akane's lip quivered at the reminder. 

They were friends, friends looked out for each other, that was all. Akane should have been glad to have a friend who cares about him that much, and he had no reason to feel like he's just swallowed a weird lead weight just because a pretty girl- pretty boy- girl- person had just said they were friends. “I’m sure Ryoga woulda tried ta help you out too, if he didn't apparently go missin’ ten seconds after winning the damn match.”

Akane laughed. He couldn't help it. Ranma had a really high opinion of that Ryoga guy, but Ryoga definitely wouldn't have done anything for Akane if he could help it, and he definitely couldn't have fished Akane out of the pool, considering he'd have just turned into Ranma's little tiny baby piglet the moment he touched the water.

The piglet they were supposed to have won, but who apparently went mysteriously missing in the middle of the match. The piglet Azusa could apparently tell was really Ryoga. 

It seemed like everyone else could see right through Ryoga's lies but Ranma, and Akane was getting tired of it! He needed to say something, here and now, and get that creep out of her life!

“Hey, can I talk to you about something?” both friends said in unison, only to blush at the awkward symmetry. 

“Y- you first.” Akane nodded, fully aware that what he had to say was just going to piss her off, regardless of whether Ranma believed him or not. 

“O- okay, if you're sure…” Ranma took a deep breath and started poking his fingers together, occasionally stealing glances at Akane's face. “Earlier, when you said-”

“Is there a reason you two stopped in front of the gate? You’re in the way!” Nabiki cut Ranma off, either unaware or unable to care for the fact that they were about to have some kind of chat! “Good that you did though, I wanted to pass this out before our dads saw.”

Nabiki suddenly thrust a wad of money into Akane's hands, which he immediately understood was supposed to be his cut of the profits, before she shoved an even larger collection of bills at Ranma. He stood there and stared at the money like it was more than he ever expected to have, but Akane just rolled his eyes.

“Why'd he get more than me? I was in the ring longer!”

“Because unlike you, Ranma will actually split half of that with Ryoga,” Nabiki said, wagging her finger. “Why, are you worried Ranma won't need you to buy chocolate or parfaits anymore?” 

Nabiki started laughing as she mockingly threw an arm around Akane's back, but she quickly shut up, shivered, and slid away after a few moments. “How are you still freezing, Akane? It's almost summer!”

“That’s what happens when you almost drown in freezing water…” Akane muttered, though his sister simply shrugged and walked past him after she heard his answer, clearly intent on heading inside.

“You too, huh? I swear I was warmer winterin’ in Tibet.” Ranma chuckled once, faking a shiver as he tried to sympathize with Akane. It wasn't quite the same, Ranma was apparently way better at sucking up frigid water to stay buoyant, but Akane wasn't going to admit that. “Hey, I'll tell ya what. I was gonna make it as part a dinner, but why don't I cook us some mapo tofu real quick? That should get the cold outta our bones!”

“T- that'd be really nice!” Words tumbled out of Akane's mouth before he realized he'd even agreed to anything, and he had to hastily amend his statement, if only so he didn't seem like he thought he was owed the offer of food by his fiancee. “N- not that you have to make me anything, of course. I'm sure we're both exhausted, Kasumi won't mind if you don't wanna cook tonight.”

Ranma simply smiled up at him and ran off, her beautiful red pigtail swaying behind her as she headed for the kitchen. Honestly, something nice, warm, savory, and just a little spicy sounded really good right about now. It sounded even better coming from the girl he’d just fought over, the fiancee he’d just failed to win in a fight, but who chose to come to his rescue anyway, utterly proving that he was more her- her-

Well, more her friend than Ryoga? That didn’t sound right either, but the fact of the matter was that neither Ryoga or Akane could truly fight over her heart. Who Ranma wanted was ultimately in her- his hands, was up to who he wanted, and he probably didn’t want any kind of guy cramping his style for long. Ranma was going to get bored of playing the devoted fiancee and doting housewife soon, and when he did Akane was going to be left as just another friend he had, left in the same boat Ryoga was in, hoping against hope that Ranma would-

“I’m sorry I didn’t make it to your match today, son, I had urgent business to deal with,” Akane’s dad said, flipping through a newspaper at the table. “Did you win?”

“Yeah, even though it sure doesn’t feel like it,” Akane admitted, his irritation born both from the fact that he was still hurt and the simple fact that it was Ryoga’s sudden appearance and utter disregard for the nature of ice skating in general that saw them to victory. 

Akane and Ranma could have Anything-Goes’d their way to victory, of course, they were a smart young couple, two of the best martial artists in Japan, and utterly unwilling to give up on one another… but it had never occurred to Akane to simply tear off his opponent’s skates, or ruin the ring. That just seemed unsportsmanlike to the point of ruining the match for the audience, and if nobody wanted to watch, what the point in fighting over some stupid trophy anyway?! 

“Oh, that is a bruise on your neck, I had dared to hope that you and Ranma… never you mind, you can always put in a better showing next time.” Akane’s dad nodded and pulled the newspaper down, throwing Akane a kind fatherly smile that was far too nice for someone who had just tried to imply that Ranma would have left all these bruises on him by sucking his neck or biting him whatever… 

“Is Ranma cooking for you, Akane?” Kasumi asked as she walked into the main room herself and sat down much too gently and quietly for someone who had probably only just taken her first break today. “Or is this something she’s making for her little friend Ryoga? Oh, I really do hope it’s for your benefit. It’s great that she loves to cook, but she really should see to her fiance’s needs before any other man’s.”

“I don’t think she’s making us dinner or anything, but yeah, she’s cooking for me.” A big dumb grin spread on Akane’s face after he said that, and it took him several seconds to truly think about why. Ranma was making things for him, thinking about him, worrying about him. If she was planning anything for Ryoga, if she dared in her heart to make him any consolation treats as apology for diving in after Akane instead, she was still cooking something nice and satisfying for the both of them first.  

A- and if that didn’t mean- if they weren’t- even if they were just really good friends, that meant they were best friends, didn’t it? Akane needed to find things he could do for Ranma, honestly, beyond just spending money on her. He needed to show Ranma that he cared too, show Ranma that he valued their friendship, and cement a lifelong bond that would follow them forever.

Even if Akane never married him, they could at least be friends like their dads, right? Would that have been so bad? 

Akane didn’t want to decide on the answer to that question. Instead he simply leaned back and waited, letting the time his fiancee was spending working in the kitchen pass him by. Maybe she would have liked for him to stand in there with her one of these days, he’d heard that some girls liked when boys watched them work, enjoyed the towering presence that could run around and grab them stuff, and if nothing else it would have afforded him the perfect view of the back of her neck, the way her hair cascaded down her back, let her show off that cute little apron she liked to wear, and maybe his presence would encourage her to add that secret sauce of hers into the meal, and then-

“It’s ready! I hope you like it!” Ranma called out, her singsong voice pitched just down enough that Akane knew without looking that Ranma had taken the opportunity to splash himself with a little bit of boiling water while he was cooking. 

Which made sense. Akane wasn't terribly surprised to find that the cute apron-clad figure bending forward to set down a bowl of food in front of him was a boy, he was just surprised by how little he minded, given where his mind had wandered earlier.

He should have cared about the fact that the person waiting on him was a guy, he should have hated the fact that almost everyone in this house expected him to marry this beautiful man- woman- Ranma, but he did not.

He couldn't care.

Akane was too busy staring deep into those sapphire eyes to be worried, too lost wondering about the future he could have if he- if he was really-

“T- thanks, I really appreciate it, man.” Akane turned away from Ranma suddenly, hoping he'd be too distracted by eating his own food to notice whatever stupid emotions were plainly wrought upon Akane's face.

He could not think this way. He wasn't supposed to think this way. The only reason he did was because Ranma was a pretty girl half the time, the wires were getting crossed in his head, and playing the role of ‘boyfriend’ for a girl like that just felt so good it was hard to put down the act.

That had to be it. He obviously liked being a boyfriend, and he was just continuing to do it on the only acceptable target he had, the only man who was-

Akane had to stop. Instead, he opted to dig his chopsticks into the bowl of warm tofu and meat and bring some to his lips, if only to momentarily distract himself with the hot food that would soon warm his belly. He knew the dish was supposed to have a slight spice—though Kasumi usually toned down even that, if only for Nabiki’s benefit—but he was very quickly made to understand that to Ranma a slight spice meant that it was hot enough to make his eyes begin to water, his tongue shift and writhe in agony, and it was even so bad he could have sworn his whole mouth was going numb!  

“What the heck is this?!” Akane demanded, his head snapping around so he could stare Ranma down. “Are you trying to kill me?!”

“H- huh?” Ranma tilted his head, apparently totally confused, even as he took a bite of his own food. “Tastes totally normal to me, what's wrong?”

“What's wrong is that my mouth is dying!” Akane snapped back, glaring even as Ranma reached over and ate out of Akane's bowl too, just to be sure.

“You okay, man? I cooked this exactly like I was supposed ta,” Ranma said, shrugging as he took another couple of bites. It was only then that the terrible tragedy he was trying to inflict upon Akane became apparent and his eyes went wide, but he started laughing instead of apologizing. “Oh! Is this your first time havin’ Szechuan peppers? Trust me, they're really good! I was lucky Kasumi found a deal for ‘em in one of her discount books while we were out shopping, I thought I'd never end up cookin’ with them again!”

“Kasumi?!” Fueled by anger and pain, Akane managed to actually raise his voice with his eldest sister, but despite how desperate he was to blame her for this, she smiled at him in innocence.

“Ranma really should get all the credit, she's the one who found the store,” Kasumi said, her voice somehow filling with… pride? “Ranma's mastery of the Tendo School of Anything-Goes Couponing is quite impressive. I think she’ll be more than capable of handling the shopping for you once you're married.”

The word Married hung over both Akane and Ranma's heads, squelching their argument under the embarrassment of that reminder. If Akane’s face wasn't already burning red from the pain, everyone at the table might have noticed his sudden embarrassment at the suggestion. He couldn't dwell on it though, he had to keep getting mad about the thing that made sense so he didn't have to engage with any complicated emotions!

“You let Ranma buy these peppers?!”

“Well I do give her a grocery allowance, yes. I might have warned her not to buy them, but haven't you been begging me to get you hot sauce lately? I thought you’d decided that you liked spicy food.” Kasumi tilted her head in minor confusion, and now Akane's face threatened to glow red for a yet third reason. He really really couldn’t admit that he'd been drinking hot sauce just to impress a girl who cooked like this! 

“I'll tell you what, little brother, I can keep an eye on what Ranma buys for you,” Nabiki said as she too sat down at the table, though she selected the spot as far away from Ranma's cooking as possible. “All you have to do is give me a little money for expenses, and I'll make sure no pepper ever sets foot in this house again.”

“Don't act like you're any better off than me…” Akane rolled his eyes and tried to force himself to eat a little bit more of Ranma's cooking, if only to enjoy the other bright and wonderful flavors he'd put into his dish. There was care and love put into this thing, Akane just had to weather the pain.

“Hey, ‘Kane, a- about earlier…” Ranma set down his now emptied bowl of food and glanced at Akane through the corner of his eyes. “I still gotta ask you somethin’, and here's as good a place as any…”

“Huh? Sure, what's up?” Akane asked, only dimly remembering that Ranma had been trying to ask him something a while ago. He'd wanted to say something too, but at this point bringing up Ryoga was just going to make a mess of things, he needed to wait. 

“Earlier—back on the ice—you said some stuff, and I-” Ranma stared down at the table, his fingers drumming on the wood as he tried to formulate some kind of statement. “Did you mean it?”

Ranma’s eyes shimmered with unspoken desperation, as if the answer to his question would save or condemn his soul. He sat unblinking and unmoving as he awaited his answer, and Akane wanted nothing more in that moment than to answer him…

But there was just a little tiny problem.

“D- did I mean what, exactly? I- I said a lot of things, and-”

“Oh, I see.” Ranma's words were quiet and curt, but they still effortlessly cut through Akane's own. “Of course, why would you have meant anything by it?”

“I- I don't know what you're talking about,” Akane said, repeatedly blinking as Ranma's expression grew more and more blank. 

“That's exactly the problem, you jerk!” Ranma bolted up from the table, inexplicable fury overtaking his eyes. “It didn't even mean anything to you?! You just said it for fun?!”

Ranma started trying to storm off, but Akane had just enough time to stand up and grab Ranma by the wrist, if only to buy himself one more moment.

“You're overreacting, Ranma, I don't even-” was all Akane got the chance to say before she slapped him, tore her hand out of his grasp, and ran upstairs, leaving Akane with yet more questions.

The burning sting on his cheek made it hard to think, and at the moment the only thing he could really do was stroke it slowly, still trying to figure out what he'd done wrong. Had he insulted her? This couldn't have been about the food. She'd mentioned something about the ice, but he hadn't said anything strange there, unless she was worried about him not wanting to let her hurt herself.

Or was this the aftereffects of that Goodbye Whirl thing? Was there some magical influence making her mad at him for no reason? Akane… didn't really like to believe in magic, but he couldn't totally rule it out. She did already have a curse, after all. 

“Oh my, and she seemed so happy just a moment ago,” Kasumi said, as if Akane needed the reminder. “This isn't a very good look, Akane.”

“Why do I care how it looks?! She's the overemotional tomboy! I don't even know why she's mad!” Akane let out a long sigh as he knelt down at the table once again, his head still replaying that slap over and over.

“You really can't even guess?” Nabiki folded her arms and scowled, apparently convinced that this was his fault!

“Oh, don't act like you know, we said a bunch of stuff you couldn't hear.” Akane tapped a finger against his head, straining his memories for what he could have even said. Was she mad about him telling her to just let him fight with Ryoga? Was she mad that he was okay fighting alongside Ryoga?

“Maybe not, but there's one thing I do know!” Nabiki dramatically pointed her finger to the heavens, letting the sun rays radiating in from outside surround her before she continued. “You don't understand a maiden’s heart!”

“A… what?” The accusation briefly shook Akane free of his undirected anger, though the taste of confusion on his lips was getting irritating. Of course he understood women and their hearts! Most of his friends were girls! He was very in tune with the way they thought! 

So why did Nabiki's accusation sting just as hard as Ranma's slap? Did Akane really not get it? Was he failing to grasp some basic nuance of all girls that left Ranma an enigma? That just didn't make sense, Akane knew better! Besides, Ranma didn't have a maiden's heart in the first place, that was why thinking about her- her- him- him was so hard! It was why Akane couldn't help but imagine the world where Ranma was always born a woman, had always been fated to be his future wife. 

In this world, however, they couldn't be bound by the red thread of fate. Ranma was a- a man, a confusing, weird, pretty, sweet, kind, strong, athletic, hot, helpful, and friendly man that Akane liked, sure, but that didn't mean he could marry another man, especially since he didn't dare force another man to have to think about him the same way…

It didn't matter, anyway. Nabiki was just being stupid, and Akane was going to remind her of that fact before she got the wrong idea.

“You know Ranma doesn't have a maiden's heart or whatever, he's a boy…”

Akane's perfectly logical retort did little to change Kasumi or Nabiki's expressions, and instead of responding to him, Kasumi simply stood up, dusted off her dress, and started walking.

“I'm going to go check on her. I'll just be a moment.”

“Yeah, let me see what I can do,” Nabiki added, also leaving Akane behind without so much as even trying to get him to pay for help. Then again, he had no idea if she meant to help Ranma or him…

“Do you want advice, son?” Akane's dad asked after quietly folding up his newspaper. He waited for a moment, patiently letting Akane's composure crack enough to nod in the affirmative before continuing. “Let Ranma take a moment to collect himself, he may not understand why he's mad either. Right now, you should finish eating, do the dishes, let yourself breathe, and once you're ready you need to match upstairs, open the door to her room, and apologize.”

“But I didn't even do anything!” Akane gesticulated pointlessly in the air, as if moving his hands would convince his dad to believe him.

“Maybe you didn't, maybe there's nothing wrong, or maybe Ranma's mad about something you aren't doing,” Akane's dad continued doling out his paternal wisdom, utterly unphased by Akane's objections. “And even if you are innocent, is your pride worth more than seeing her smile again? Don't you want to make him happy?”

Akane blinked as he let those simple truths wash over him. His gut rolled around at the thought of admitting that he was wrong, especially when he didn't even know what he was being accused of… but his dad had a point.

Even if they were just friends and nothing more, Akane did want to see Ranma smile again.

Akane growled, picked up his bowl of food, and started eating. First things first, he was going to learn to love this junk even if it killed him—because he knew loving a maiden's cooking was one of the fastest ways into her heart—and then he was going to march upstairs and say… something.

Ranma sat with his knees pulled up to his chest in the corner of the guest room as he waited for his stupid body to feel normal again. No guy his age should have been moping around like this—for any reason—but he definitely shouldn't have been turned into a sad sack over some boy! If a girl had played with his heart like this he would have at least understood why it felt like the whole world was falling around him, why his breath kept hitching in his throat, or why he was always moments away from openly bawling, but…

But Akane was a man, a guy, some tall jerk born the exact same way Ranma was, and for some reason getting fake rejected from a fake relationship had shattered his very real heart…

Ranma was a mess. He didn't want to care about what Akane did or didn't say. That was all a performance for the crowd, he should have known that the whole time, a month ago he would never have even let himself get confused, but today, out on that ice, he- he-

Ranma Saotome—man among men and Fierce Tiger of the Saotome School—did not cry, sob, or make any noise of any kind. 

He definitely wouldn't do that.

He couldn't.

Everything would have been so much simpler without his stupid curse. If he hadn't fallen in at Jusenkyo, he and Akane would have just been friends, Akane would never have had to say anything weird to him, and he wouldn't have had all those stupid girl emotions and feelings coursing through his veins. The curse had to be why he felt like this. It had to be.

And yet, he was a guy right now, wasn't he? Ranma quickly patted his chest to be sure, but for once the presence of his manly pecs wasn't reassuring. He wasn't a girl right now, but he was still acting like such a wreck! He had to beat this, get over it, shove it into a box, run away, head to Korea or Thailand or something, then-

“Ranma, we're coming in,” said Kasumi, her crisp and clear voice serving as the only warning he had before she and Nabiki slid open his door and walked inside.

“You couldah knocked first! What if I was changing?!” Ranma turned his face away from the pair as he frantically wiped the wet out of his eyes, hoping against hope that they wouldn't be able to see what was fundamentally wrong with him.

“You're right, I should have brought my camera,” laughed Nabiki, which only made Ranma curl up into a tighter ball. “Relax, you already gave me full-frontal, you won't embarass me.”

“You walked in on me then, too…” Ranma muttered under his breath.

“Do you mind if we talk, Ranma?” Kasumi walked across the room and knelt down a short distance away from him, having clearly already decided that his opinion didn't matter.

“Knock yourself out, though there ain't nothin’ ta talk about.” Ranma let out a long sigh as Nabiki knelt down next to her sister, trapping Ranma in whatever the hell this was. “I'm fine, I dunno why you're worried about me, but you can go.”

“If you're fine then why do you think we're worried about you?” Nabiki smirked like she'd just caught him in a lie, but Ranma didn't even have the energy to panic over it.

“Ranma, would you mind telling us what happened? Why did you hit Akane?” Kasumi asked, her voice even and calm despite the fact that Ranma had just hurt her little brother.

“Because he's a jerk,” fell out of Ranma before he could stop himself, and he had to bury his face in his knees before anyone saw the way his lip quivered afterwards. 

“You mentioned him saying something, so what was it?” Nabiki repeatedly tapped her fingers against her thighs as she waited for Ranma’s response, but she was going to have to wait. Something messy and guttural was building in Ranma's throat, and he had to swallow it before he could actually talk.

“Don’t act like you didn't hear him, the whole crowd did…” Ranma eventually said, still struggling to look the girls in the eyes. “He said I was his fiancee, he threatened a guy over me, and apparently that was just some show he was putting on?!”

Ranma hadn't expected to raise his voice or glare at Nabiki, but it was impossible to stop himself once it started, and his eyes went wide as soon as he noticed.

He'd said it. He'd said something stupid. He'd said something with only one possible justification. He'd said something that made him sound utterly gay.

But he wasn't! He wasn't supposed to like guys! 

Nabiki was going to make fun of him, he could tell. She was going to laugh, tease him, mock him, tell Akane or worse blackmail Ranma over the possibility! And Kasumi was too proper and normal to understand, she was going to judge him, scold him, crush him under the weight of her disappointment! All because he might actually have had a slight crush on a really nice guy…

It wasn't his fault! It was Akane's fault for being sweet to him, and honestly, it was Ryoga's fault for showing up outta nowhere and leaning into the act too! Ryoga had said some mushy stuff out on the ice, he'd been following Ranma around lately, and it wasn't like Ranma hadn't considered the guy one of his closest friends once… 

They had spent quite a few summer days sweaty, tired, and staring out at the sunset together, just two guys who cared a lot about each other, who- 

Why did every decent guy in Ranma's life have to make this so hard?! 

“I thought it was something like that,” Kasumi finally said, reminding Ranma that he was having his little breakdown in front of people. She was surprisingly calm, considering what he'd just told her, and even went so far as to smile at him before she continued. “You really shouldn't worry. You—of all people—know how boys can be. I'm sure he wasn't trying to hurt you, you should just apologize to him.”

“Oooor,” Nabiki interrupted, stopping Ranma from rejecting Kasumi's argument entirely. “You can tell us why that hurts so much in the first place. Do you like him? Do you love him?”

Nabiki could have sneered, grinned, glared, stared, or done any number of things that would have made Ranma feel like he was being attacked, but instead she just tilted her head and tapped her chin, waiting for him to talk.

But that didn't help. That just meant she was honestly asking him whether he loved another man.

“O- of course I don't! How could you ask me that?!” Ranma hoped that bravado and confidence would convince the sisters to ignore his earlier statement, but neither one of them reacted at all, both still waiting for him to say anything else. “O- obviously, I'm a guy, and he's a guy, so there can't be nothin’ there. It ain't like I care what he thinks about me anyway. I don't need to know that he's inta me. You're the ones all actin’ like we gotta marry and have kids anyway, I doubt he’s even okay with the idea of bein’ with me, so-”

“That's what I thought,” Nabiki said, putting a hand on Ranma's shoulder to shake him out of his rambling defense. “Look, maybe he is just acting, and sometimes he is a doofus, but you don't need to take this so hard. You know, he might not remember saying it because it wasn't special to him, because he already thinks of you as his fiancee.”

A pit formed in Ranma's gut as soon as he was told he wasn't special, only for his gut to rebound at the mere notion that Akane might actually have cared after all. The fluttery feeling wasn't helping Ranma sort through the sea of emotions he was stuck with, but the enthusiasm alone meant something that he had to acknowledge. Something he'd been acknowledging this whole time.

Part of him, however small, was flawed enough that it did want to belong to Akane, to be his, and it hoped that Nabiki was right. Akane might have already fallen for Ranma's girlish charms, was already under her sway and hopelessly smitten. Maybe Akane did think of them as fiancees, and telling the whole world didn't matter…

After all, wasn't Ranma always showing him off, every chance she got? Had she fallen for him that very first day? The second? The third?

“H- he shouldn't,” the rational part of Ranma replied, hoping it could claw back some self control. “This is all just some bunk inheritance scam or whatever, we ain't young lovers, we're just guys in a bad situation.”

“Perhaps.” Kasumi hummed for a moment as she considered what to say next, and Ranma could tell she was fumbling with something in her dress’ pocket. “Things can change though, you just need time to figure out what you want.”

“I… know what I want,” Ranma lied, doing his best not to try to conjure up any images of his future, entirely for fear that she would picture herself as some domestic housewife to a washed up useless martial artist…

Some domestic doll who would have been pining for a real man to sweep her off her feet, maybe a guy with a medical degree, a small clinic in Tokyo, who towered over her, and had a beautiful smile that- “I want a nice wife, maybe she can live in a little house, but I'd rather have someone who wants to come with me on an endless training journey.”

“I see, of course, well if you're sure that's what you want I think it sounds lovely,” Kasumi’s smile shifted slightly, though the true meaning in her change of expression was lost on Ranma. “But if you're still unsure, I have a gift that may help you decide.”

“A gift?” Ranma asked, scratching the side of his head at the idea that he was being offered anything at all. He hadn't really made a big deal about his birthday happening a couple days ago, they were too busy training to celebrate it.

“Two gifts, I suppose, one of which is very hard to get around here.” Kasumi let out a brief titter before she covered her mouth and continued. “You clearly need some quiet time to think about what Akane means to you, so I'll get father to take the rest of us out for dinner tonight, so you can be alone.”

“Oh, can we get sushi?!” Nabiki's eyes lit up at the offer of restaurant food, and she immediately forgot about Ranma's entire existence.

“H- hey! Your gift to me is me not gettin’ ta eat nice food?!” Ranma's eyes narrowed at Kasumi's sheer audacity! He could meditate in the dojo whenever he wanted, so he had no idea what she was planning here, but he wasn't going to stand for it!

“Well we would bring you back some takeout, of course,” Kasumi said, smiling far too innocently. “As for your other gift, I want you to have this brand-new hairbrush.”

True enough Kasumi immediately pulled a wrapped object out of her pocket, and Ranma removed the cloth to discover that it absolutely was a perfectly normal brush.

Nabiki's eyes went wide at the present, but Ranma mostly just scratched his head again.

“T- thanks? You know I already got brushes, right? I take good care of my hair, it's one a my best features.”

“Well, yes, but-”

“Kasumi! You can't just give him that” Nabiki snapped, still staring at her sister. 

“Why not? She's old enough to know about these things, Nabiki,” Kasumi replied, only loosely letting Ranma know that he was being inducted into some kind of secret knowledge. This brush was special, somehow.

“You know full well why not, you're asking him to-” A loud knocking hit the frame of Ranma's door from outside, drowning out the rest of Nabiki's complaint.

“Ranma, are you in there? Could I talk to you?” Asked Akane, who in fact politely waited on the other side of the door, unlike his sisters.

Ranma didn't really want to talk to Akane, his gut was still tangled up in knots, and he couldn't be sure he was going to say the right thing when he saw the guy, but Ranma couldn't just ignore him either. Ranma stood up, rubbed his eyes again just to make sure they were dry, and then opened the door.

“Hey, what's up?” Ranma asked as he was immediately greeted by the sight of Akane standing in front of the door. 

As much as Ranma wanted to feel good about the way his shoulders were slumped or the fact that he was awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, it was hard to experience anything other than guilt as Ranma saw the guy’s puffy red face, eyes that were wet with fresh tears, and the still obvious handprint from where Ranma had slapped him.

“W- well, y- you see, it's uh- I-” Akane took a deep breath as he stared down at Ranma, clearly preparing to insult and berate Ranma for what had just happened downstairs. “You uh, ran off before I could finish eating, so I just wanted to say thanks, you know, for cooking for me. It was… different, but I ate all of it, and I'm sure I'll enjoy it more if you ever make it again, not that you have to cook for me again, obviously you don't have to do-”

“I’m glad. I probably should have asked first. You know, my first time with those peppers was pretty rough, too.” Ranma let out a chuckle just to diffuse the tension, though honestly the guy who had been suffering that day was his dad. 

“And that's what I- what I appreciate about everything you make, actually…” Akane started poking his fingers together to maintain his confidence as he continued. “Y- you didn't tell me one this time, but you've always got stories about the food you're making, the place you were when you tried it or learned the recipe, and it- it's kind of nice, it's a bit like I’m getting to go on these little adventures alongside you…” 

Akane smiled at just the perfect angle to catch a sunbeam, and Ranma unfortunately felt his heart leap in his chest once again. That was sappy, cutesy, unnecessary, stupid, overbearing, and honestly really sweet of Akane to say, and Ranma wished he knew what to do about it!

He wanted to shove his face against Akane's chest, let out the last of the sobs in her throat, and then apologize for earlier, but Ranma couldn't tell if they were supposed to be close enough for that. Was he supposed to nod? Did he just need to say thank you? Was she supposed to open her heart and let out some mushy gushy stuff about how nice it was to cook for someone who appreciated it?!

“Thanks, that means a lot to me, really. I’m glad I can share this with you, and… maybe when we go on that trip to China this summer, you'll get to actually have some real adventures with me.” Ranma closed his eyes and tried to grin back at the big idiot, hoping that Akane appreciated the continued invitation for them to leave behind this stuffy dojo and go on a real training journey together, whenever he wanted, as fian- friends. Friends. 

Heck, once Ranma was cured, they'd just be two guys, and then neither one of them would need to deal with any weird romantic temptations, even as they slept on the same bedroll, in the same tent, out under the same stars, holding each other in their arms to- to-

Well it was going to be summer, they didn't need to bundle up, and sleeping that close was probably just gonna be unpleasant, but the idea remained.

“I’d like that,” Akane said, his simple acceptance lingering in the air for a moment. There was a period of quiet, followed by two quiet grunts from behind Ranma, at which point Akane continued. “A- and also, I came up here to apologize to you, for what I did.”

“It's fine,” Ranma replied, his heart too distracted to be mad at Akane over maybe not remembering a single passionate declaration that might have been so normal to him that the reason he didn't remember was because he always thought of her as his. “Water under the bridge, really. I should be apologizing to you, hitting you was kinda… uncalled for.”

“Well, it's not the first time,” Akane started laughing, and Ranma's goodwill towards him was briefly replaced as her eyes twitched at his candidness. “Won't be the last either, right? We're martial artists, communicating with our fists is… normal?”

Ranma wasn't sure how much he believed that, but it was a cute enough sentiment that he was willing to shrug and just accept it anyway.

“Well, now that that's cleared up, we really should be leaving.” Kasumi slipped by Ranma on the way out of the room, grabbing Akane by the back of the collar as she dragged him along behind her.

“H- hey, what's going on?!” Akane demanded as they rounded the corner and started heading downstairs.

“Just let it happen little bro, you know how Kasumi gets,” Nabiki offered, following the pair out and leaving Ranma alone in the room again at last.

And soon, they'd be leaving him alone with the house too. 

Ranma really didn't understand what Kasumi had been going on about, but he supposed he did owe it to her to try. She'd been pretty knowledgeable about a bunch of stuff he never really thought he needed to improve on, ranging from sewing, laundry, cooking, shopping, and even cleaning. He'd learned a lot from his master of the feminine-but-only-because-some-guys-were-lazy-pigs arts, and this was just another secret technique he'd been inducted into.

As soon as the Tendos left, he was going to do exactly what she’d said. He was going to head down to the bathroom, turn back into a girl, and spend the next hour or so really brushing his hair while he thought long and hard about Akane, Ryoga, or maybe just boys in general, and what—if anything—Ranma wanted out of them.

It was probably a kind of meditation, and if it offered him insight, if it made everything make sense, he was going to master it.

Chapter Text

“What are you waiting for?! Stick it in, damn it!” Ranma shouted, though the urgency in her voice only made Akane hesitate more.

He could not afford to screw this up. He'd come too far to make a fool of himself now. His trembling hand clutched his tool tight as he tried to get everything lined up. Once he was confident of his approach, he surged forward, hoping against hope that he wouldn't disappoint her.

“L- like this, right?” Akane took a deep breath as he stared down at her, eager for proof that she thought he was man enough to at least do this for her.

“Yeah, just like that, now hurry damn it, we don't got a lotta time!” Ranma demanded, her eyes shimmering with naked and ravenous desire as Akane set to work. She had a point, they only had so long to get this done, they'd only paid for an hour, and he was going to see her walk away from this thoroughly satisfied.

Still, even picking up speed did little to stop her from rolling her eyes and turning away from him out of boredom. Worse, that boredom eventually gave way to frustration, and she ended up sighing as she took his—frankly overworked—tool in hand.

“Just… let me handle your meat, it'll be easier. At least I know what I'm doing,” Ranma said, her disappointment cutting deep into his soul, especially once she pried the equipment out of his hands and set to work doing a much better job than he ever could. “You're just making a mess, Acchan, lean back and let someone with experience show you how it's done.”

Akane Tendo hated that he couldn't cook, and the fact that he couldn't even grill meat without earning his fiancee’s ire caused him to sink down in his chair, desperately hoping nobody else in this damn yakiniku restaurant realized just how useless he was.

Ranma started expertly flipping the tool around the table, loading the grill up with sizzling meats only to remove them just as fast right as everything hit the perfect temperature. Akane might have lost his pride, but he did at least have the honor of enjoying his fiancee's ability to prepare the most heavenly pork belly imaginable, fatty, meaty, just crispy enough for his liking…

“You weren't lying, you're really good with- with those- the- that tool-”

“You mean the tongs?” Ranma rolled his eyes at Akane's ineptitude, but at least now Akane knew the name of those damn clicky clacky things. Tongs, tongs, tongs, he had to remember that. “Yeah, ‘course I'm good at this, I cook over campfires all the time, and these were some of my favorite places for pops to take me on my birthday. I always had to cook, but then that ain't any different from now, is it?”

Ranma started laughing, but even that didn't make him any worse at piling more meat in front of the both of them, nor did it stop him from speedeating, either. Akane should have known the guy was going to pig out during an all-you-can-eat meal, he just hadn't expected to find her antics quite so charming. 

“Y- yeah, well, that's why I wanted to do the cooking for you, since this is a birthday date, right?” Akane shook his head and sighed, still not sure how he'd gotten roped into this. His head was still cloudy with complicated emotions over the guy he was expected to marry, but then Kasumi had to go and insist that Akane had to take him out for a nice birthday lunch after school, and Akane couldn't even protest, since Nabiki insisted that it was going to look really bad if he couldn't even take his ‘beloved fiancee’ out for her birthday. “I- it is actually your birthday, right? Kasumi said it was, but I don't know how she knows.”

“Missed it by a few days, but it's the thought that counts. Kasumi probably heard it from pops, when she was enrolling me at school,” Ranma replied, leaving Akane worrying if he'd made Ranma furious on his birthday. “But whatever, don't worry about anythin’, you'll just hafta pay me back by bein’ extra nice when it's your birthday. How long do I got ta plan?”

The mere idea that Ranma cared enough to plan a romantic birthday date flew into Akane's head and wouldn't leave, and the only thing he could do to hide his blush was eat more food, and wash it down with a little soda. 

“A- almost a year, so you've got time. My birthday's in April-” Akane tugged at his collar as he spoke, though his overreaction ended up being unwarranted since Ranma was distracting herself by flagging down a waiter to get a batch of short ribs delivered to the table. Once she was actually paying attention again, he continued. “I- I’d appreciate it, though. It gets kind of tiring doing a lame family thing every year, just because me and my sisters were all born in April, especially since Nabiki can at least usually trick a guy into treating her, and Kasumi usually heads-”

“Sorry, you were all born in April? Dang, what're the odds’a that?” Ranma blinked repeatedly as he mentally filed away that fact about Akane's family, only to go back to cooking once the ribs arrived.

“Higher than you think, to hear my dad talk about it.” Akane rubbed the back of his neck as he popped the first slice of beef into his mouth, relishing the fact that she was good at this too. “Whenever I asked about it, he always told me ‘July is a dangerous time for Tendo men, it is our curse.”

“You got a family curse? What's with all my friends having family curses…” Ranma shook his head solemnly, acting as if she too didn't suffer from a family aversion to cold and hot water at this point. “So what's it do?”

“Heck if I know, he told me I'd understand when I was older, and mom just giggled.” Akane smiled, briefly flashing back to his fifth birthday. It had been a simple affair, his mom had baked them a cake, and they were mostly celebrating the fact that Nabiki had just started elementary school, but everyone was so happy together…

He couldn't dwell on the past though, not while he was on a date with the boy- boy- girl- er, boy who was supposed to be his future. “I haven't noticed anything yet, so I think he was just making stuff up. I was a little kid at the time. It probably is just a coincidence.”

“But do you two know what's not a coincidence?!” an all too familiar voice from the booth behind Akane yelled, and even before he saw the all-black the girl was wearing, he knew this was his old elementary-school-bully-turned-suitor-who-wouldn’t-leave-him-alone, Mikawa, who was rapidly flipping through a magazine she was holding. “Being born April eighth makes Akane an Aries, and you being born before June twenty-first makes you a Gemini, and this book here says that the two of you will have a- your love life is going to be very inten- uh- well your married life is going to be very rocky, so you really should find someone better, Ranma.”

Ranma and Akane both blinked repeatedly at just how open she was being, but Akane wasn't really surprised. Ranma had to look like the biggest threat to her own prospects.

“What’s up, Mikawa?” Akane asked, trying to ignore her blunt force attempt for the sake of being nice. “Are you here by yourself?”

“Not by choice…” Mikawa turned to face the window and pulled down her eyelid, blowing a raspberry at no one in particular. “I was supposed to meet a guy, but I guess he got lost!”

“Stood up, huh? That's rough,” Ranma said before once again flagging down a waiter to get bulgogi delivered to the table. She really needed to cool it with all the meat, but Akane was too busy to order mushrooms or cabbage at the moment.

“Oh, a guy! I'm happy for you, Mikawa, but then why exactly did you come over here with your… astrology facts?” Akane tilted his head, hoping kindness would convince her to play her hand and then leave.

“D- don't get the wrong idea, t- twerp, the guy wasn't for me. I just think that Hibiki guy and Ranma make a good couple, don't you? I was trying to… give them the opportunity to meet.” Mikawa smiled, either unaware that she'd just openly divulged her plans in front of Ranma or not worried about that knowledge changing anything.

Akane's eye twitched, however, because the only way she would have known to stalk the pair here and set up a meeting with Ryoga was if she'd bought the information off of Nabiki!

And where did she get off trying to pair Ranma with Ryoga?! He was not a good guy for Ranma, he didn't even respect that Ranma was a man—unlike Akane, who only got confused sometimes, and found the times he wasn't confused the most confusing of all…

“I hate ta burst your bubble, but Ryoga ain't interested in me,” Ranma let out a laugh, seemingly utterly unaware of Ryoga's continued affections, but a slight blush formed on his face regardless and caused Akane's chopsticks to crack. “It’s hard to explain, but we got a history, he probably still sees me as a guy, on account of the boys’ school thing.”

“I wouldn't say that, he seemed awfully willing to come see you when I set this up…” Mikawa’s voice trailed off as she once again stared out the window. “At least, he seemed willing before he stood us up, the jackass!”

Ranma and Akane both snickered at her surprise, each of them well used to just how flakey Ryoga could be. Akane knew the only way he'd managed to wander into the Kolkhoz ice skating rink on time was because someone had to have kidnapped his little piggy self on Azusa's behalf.

With luck, it would be a while before Akane ever saw Ryoga or the pig again.

“Yeah, fangboy’s just like that, don't sweat it. If he does show up for ya after we leave, you should get to know him. He can be pretty sweet.” Ranma smiled as she complimented Akane's rival, further damaging Akane's chopsticks.

“So you do like him already! Of course you do, because when I talked with him he told me he was a Libra, and a Libra and a Gemini are basically perfect, both in marriage and the bedroom so-” 

“Mikawa,” Akane’s voice rose in volume only slightly as he interrupted the meddling girl. She was going to go on about this for their whole hour if Akane didn't put a stop to it, and Ranma might have been willing to talk with his mouth full of succulent meat, but Akane wanted to savor it! “This is a birthday date, I paid for an hour, can I please make sure she has the best day possible?” 

Akane felt like his demands were reasonable—even if they were papering over his own selfishness—but Mikawa's face scrunched up regardless. She never liked losing, but now that Akane had a drop-dead gorgeous fiancee getting shut up probably had to hurt even more.

“Whatever, Tendo. That's the last time I try to help you,” Mikawa let out an obvious lie before she walked out of the restaurant in a huff, and Akane had to hope she'd already gotten her money’s worth.

“What's the matter, ‘Kane, that girl not good enough for you? You ain't lookin’ to play Casanova?” Ranma glared at him as soon as the girl had left, though her expression softened as soon as she was able to go back to stuffing her face all adorably.

But Akane couldn't let his heart swell with pride over providing this for Ranma, not yet, Akane still had to reject his accusations.

“Of course not! I'm not really interested in girl chasing,” Akane said, the full weight of a statement he'd made a thousand times before suddenly crushing him in an avalanche of understanding. W- was everyone right about him? Was he not a girl chaser? 

H- he couldn't think that way, he refused to acknowledge the possibility that he'd always been gay, and Ranma was just… just the acceptable target. He was not gay for that pretty boy, the pretty boy wasn't the person he was taking out on a date. Akane was with a beautiful girl! At worst, he liked handsomely beautiful women who were strong, fit, and just a little bit of a tomboy, enough to feel like a guy sometimes, especially since this was one and- Akane had to stop, he had to deflect. “Why, you jealous, Ranma?”

“Why would I possibly be jealous of some tramp like that?” Ranma rolled his eyes as he insulted someone that Akane didn't necessarily hate… but correcting her would only have made the situation worse for him. “Especially since Ranma knows her handsome widdle boyfwend loves her lots!”

“D- don't talk like that, it's weird!” Akane chided, suddenly aware that this was payback for the Azusa thing. That wasn't his fault, he just couldn't bring himself to be mean to the girl! He had a hard time being mean to any girl! 

“Relax, I'm messin’ with ya, obviously I know how you feel about me.” Ranma cast his eyes down towards the grill, hopefully missing the way Akane froze up like an icicle in response. D- did she really know the way his stupid head fantasized about her? Was he aware of the way Akane couldn't stop wondering if they'd work out as a couple? I- if so, what was Akane supposed to do or say?! “Anyway, thanks again for taking me out like this. It's been a while since we could hang, just the two of us. I- I think I'd like to do it more often, you know?”

“Don't mention it, really! A- and it's still your birthday date, I could take you somewhere else after this. How do you feel about bowling, maybe going to the batting cages, the pool, or-”

“I know I promised I'd take ya swimming, but I can't do that today, sorry man,” Ranma said, still averting his eyes, even as he piled the last of the meat high on Akane's plate. “You remember yesterday, right? Everyone invited me over ta Yuka's house for a sleepover or whatever, and since pops said he's gonna be gone for ‘at least a month’, I kinda- I thought it might be nice to…”

Disappointment crashed over Akane like a wave, and he had to struggle to avoid letting it show. He did sort of remember—though he'd been distracted by Makoto grilling him about the fight with Ryoga—but that didn't make the fact hurt any less. He and Ranma hadn't really had a break from each other since she got here, and it was going to be weird not having him home tonight, especially after they'd gone on an even semi real, honest, actual date.

But his own feelings aside, wasn't this dangerous?!

“A- are you sure that's a good idea? What if something happens? There's a lot of ways it can go wrong, and since you- you're-”

“I’m not gonna do anything, I thought you knew me better than that!” Ranma shouted, her anger peaking over entirely the wrong point. Yeah, Ranma could resist being a pervert and leering at other girls while they were all changing, but that was only one part of the problem!

“And you're going to avoid tea, kettles, coffee, or baths , right?” Akane asked, trying to make absolutely sure she was prepared for what she was getting into.

“Oh! Yeah, it ain't gonna be a problem. I've got it under control.” Ranma flicked his wrist dismissively as he took the last of their food off of the grill. “Without Kasumi ta shove me into the bathroom, I should be perfectly safe.”

Akane didn't really have much to say that could argue with that; Kasumi was the only force of nature in Furinkan that Akane thought could possibly make Ranma do anything. As long as she wasn't somehow around, Ranma was probably going to be able to avoid taking any hot baths.

Which meant he instead needed to stay focused on treating Ranma right for the rest of the hour they had left.

“Hey, can I get another set of drinks, and maybe some shiitake mushrooms for the table?” Akane asked, waving over a waitress. Ranma rolled her eyes at the mere notion of anything other than meat, so he had to hastily amend his order before the nice woman left. “Oh, and some shrimp for my fiancee, if you have the time.”

The woman left, and Ranma started smiling right at Akane, who returned the gesture. Ranma was so cute while he was happy, and as long as Akane could keep him that way, Akane was going to be happy too.

Retracing more or less the same steps he'd followed earlier when he dropped off his bag before the date, Ranma raced down the city, jumping over fences, up onto buildings, and from rooftop to rooftop as he headed for Yuka’s house. It wasn't an easy place to miss, so he wasn't too worried about navigation. There were really only two properties around that were much bigger than it, and the dojo barely counted as a home, while the Kuno Compound looked like some old renovated castle to Ranma's eyes. 

In fact, he had to run along the outer wall of that same fortress as he headed down the road towards a nice fenced-off building surrounded by more land than it needed. The family probably could’ve sold the place at a premium, so the fact that they hadn't said more about their situation tham the unadorned outer walls and largely mundane yard did. 

Ranma had to admit he was excited about this trip for a few different reasons. He'd never really done any kind of activity like this—at least other than staying over at Ryoga's place once or twice—he was genuinely curious how a girl like Yuka lived, and he honestly just needed a damn break from Akane.

He needed it, or he was going to do something stupid, impulsive, and dangerous soon, and Ranma really really didn't want to put either himself or Akane in that position.

A day of cooling off in the company of chicks should have reset his mental clock and made him stop feeling those weird trembling, pounding, overwhelming, and thought-obliterating emotions whenever Akane was even a little nice to him. Then they could go back to just being friends. This was going to buy him enough time to get his curse cured, and then once he did, he and Akane would never need to worry about each other again.

All he needed to do now was walk inside, announce his presence, and stick to the plan! No hot drinks, he could only take cold showers because he had a ‘condition’, and he- well he-

He needed to fully commit to acting like a girl, for the rest of the night. He couldn't give anyone any reason to suspect he was anything but a mildly confused young lady.

She wasn't worried, though. She was a fantastic actor, great at getting into roles, and as long as Ranma got something good to eat after this or got to sleep somewhere cushy for once, it was basically going to count as her most successful scam in the last couple of months. With that settled, Ranma was ready. She didn’t know who else was here yet—though she was pretty sure she was going to be the last one here, since nobody else had to spend some time getting doted on beforehands—and she went ahead and slid the front door open so she could announce her arrival.

“It’s Ranma! Can I come in?” Ranma asked as she walked into the genkan, politely waiting to avoid stepping out of her shoes until she was properly let inside. 

As she expected, there were enough shoes set aside that the other girls had to already be here, and before she could even consider worrying about there being any maids or butlers wandering around the house as well, she heard a collective stampede of footfalls as the others arrived to greet her.

“Of course you can come in, Ranma! We’re doing this for you, aren't we?” Yuka shook her head and laughed at Ranma's politeness.

“Yeah, and you're late,” Makoto added, tapping her foot in faux impatience even as she grinned. “You couldn't even bring any leftovers with you?”

“There's more than enough food here, Makoto, we don't need to make her worry about whether or not she bothered to smuggle meat around in her pants.” Shikako rolled her eyes and shrugged right as Ranma finally kicked off his shoes and stepped up out of the genkan.

“Well, let me be the first to welcome you to Maison Araki . As the person who's been here the most, I'll gladly be your tour guide.” Sayuri bowed dramatically like she actually worked at the house, and then spun around to start leading Ranma somewhere.

“It's my house!” Yuka complained as the group rounded a corner and then started walking down a long hall.

“Details, details, Lady Araki,” Sayuri snickered as she came to a halt and gestured towards a fairly spacious room, occupied by a nice looking pool table, a decent TV, a big couch, a bookcase full of books and movies, and no fewer than four arcade machines which were presently unpowered. “This is where we shall be spending most of the evening, the Araki family hosts many a party here, and it should be more than enough to entertain a wanderer like you, Ms. Saotome.”

“I- is this an acting thing, should I make up a character?” Ranma asked as she walked into the room, her eyes fixed on how neat, clean, and organized all this was, on top of being a little modern. This was a far cry from the fairly traditional Tendo home, that was for sure. “This is all real impressive though, Yuka. I guess I get why everyone wanted ta do this at your place.”

“Well, that and my parents are off on a trip,” Yuka replied with a shrug as she walked over to the bookshelf, trying to select something. “But thanks. Honestly, it's kind of weird growing up around all this stuff. I haven't even seen half of these videos!”

“Are we really starting off with a movie? We could have at least gone out and done that.” Shikako sat herself down on the edge of the cushy looking couch, staring as Yuka selected something. 

“We have to start with something, and at least we can multitask through a movie,” Yuka said as she powered on the TV and started fiddling with the video system. “We're on a time crunch here, we have to hit all the basics, since this is Ranma's first sleepover!”

“Really?” Sayuri blinked as she took in that fact, and Ranma had to be surprised too, since she hadn't said that to anyone.

“O- oh, no, it's not. I've slept over at people's houses before.” Ranma smiled, trying to clear up confusion as she sat down on the couch as well, wedged between Sayuri and Shikako. “I guess I've never done it other girls, but I used to stay over at Ryoga's all the time, especially when his parents were out of town, since-”

“You stayed over with a boy?! With nobody else home?!” Shikako’s eyes went wide as she considered the implication, and Ranma had to start frantically waving her hands around to try to stop anyone from thinking about that too hard.

“W- well sure, but this was in middle school, I hadn't blossomed as a woman yet, so it's not like Ryoga thinks of me as a girl!” Ranma thumped her chest for emphasis, if only because she knew her impressive rack was the biggest reason why most people would doubt that she'd ever really been thought of as a man. 

“Thought of you as a girl. He's changed his tune lately, hasn't he? I bet Akane's so jealous,” Sayuri snickered. “Must be fun, having two boys chasing after you.”

“Ryoga's not really interested in me…” Ranma insisted, though she had to admit he had been kind of clingy lately. Either he was trying to support her little act out of the kindness of his heart—and for some reason was taking it on himself to try to out boyfriend Akane—or he- he actually-

She had cooked him dinners before, Kasumi had mentioned off handedly about how that tended to win a man's heart. Ranma used to hold his hand and walk around town with him, too… maybe Ryoga did like her.

B- but then he would have been gay, since she- she wasn't- she'd only started looking and acting like a girl recently, right? A- and he seemed enraptured with that Azusa girl enough, he had to like women. He had to. “At least, he shouldn't be interested in me. We’re just old friends.”

“And that's exactly why he fell for you, dork,” Yuka rolled her eyes as she sat next to Sayuri, the movie starting with ads nobody wanted to watch. “If I was in his shoes and one of my old friends suddenly turned into a really hot chick, I’d probably be smitten too!”

“Isn't that exactly what happened to you?” Sayuri blew a raspberry at Yuka, who blushed in response. 

“W- well, s- sure, but I never stopped seeing you. You didn't suddenly show up out of nowhere looking like that,” Yuka leaned forward and gestured at Ranma, reminding her that she really was unreasonably attractive. The other girls here all looked fine of course, Sayuri was even kind of cute, but that couldn't stand up to Ranma’s inherited beauty.

Sayuri briefly looked like she was about to get mad at Yuka's insinuation that Ranma was prettier than her, but eventually gave in and nodded in understanding. That was good, honestly, Ranma really didn't want her attractiveness to come between Yuka and Sayuri's- their- well they-

“Wait, are you two… together?” Ranma tilted her head as she stared at her friends, who suddenly blinked in shock.

“D- did you not know? I thought you'd have figured that out by now…” Sayuri said, shrinking down in place out of fear. “T- that's what all the rumors about us say, isn't it? I'm surprised you hadn't heard.”

“If it's a problem, you don't have to stay the night, you can leave. I'll understand.” Yuka added, wrapping an arm around Sayuri protectively, mostly to calm the more nervous girl down.

“Oh, no, it's fine, really! I just had no idea!” Ranma held her hands up in front of herself, trying to make herself seem smaller and nonthreatening. She really didn't want to make her friends uncomfortable, no matter what they were or how they felt, she'd endured her own version of these same accusations too many times to be judgemental here. “I mean, didn't I say I used ta go to a boys’ school, and talk about chicks like the guys did? It's not like I have room ta talk, I think girls are pretty too.” 

Ranma had no idea how well that defense was going to land, but the tension in the room began to slowly give way to calm quiet that was eventually broken by Yuka and Sayuri laughing at the realization.

“Right, right, I remember now. Sorry, I guess I just forgot, considering how all over Akane you are,”  Yuka continued laughing, still trying to collect herself.

“I'm just glad they really truly like each other,” Sayuri said, nodding as she shifted the subject onto Ranma. “I was worried Akane was never going to find a girl. I didn't realize he was just waiting for his soulmate!”

“Of course you're happy, you're not the one who lost the bet,” Makoto replied, tapping her fingers on the arm of the couch. “I still think it would have been cuter if he was gay, no offense Ranma.”

“N- none taken?” Ranma wasn't really sure what she could even say to that. She knew Akane had been real touchy about anyone implying he liked guys, but in her experience he'd been perfectly straight the entire time she'd known him!

He was utterly enraptured by her from the first moment they met, defending her from her dad, dragging her out into the dojo alone, letting her straddle him in a fit of hot-blooded violence, taking his shirt off around her because he knew she'd struggle not to stare at his defined abs, pecs, and well honed arms…

Then again, he'd also been weird about her guy side too. Ranma had always assumed he was just confused, mixing his feelings for the girl with the boy, but what if she was wrong? What if liking her girl half was the abnormality, and he'd always been looking for a shorter, slightly younger, much prettier boy he could flirt with? W- what if Ranma wanted-

Ranma shook her head. This was much too unnecessary right now, and she couldn't let this line of thinking drag her out of character. She was a girl, Akane loved her, that meant he was straight. Akane couldn't possibly be gay… right?

While it may have been faster to take some sort of public transportation back from his favorite yakiniku place, Akane settled for walking back, if only so that he could use the time to clear his head. The date had been cute, Ranma had been sweet the whole time, and it pained him when he had to see her leave…

And he still didn't know what that said about him. Maybe he was just clingy. Ranma had very rapidly become one of his closest friends, and as the only friend he had who was a guy, it was understandable that he didn't like having to spend time apart. It was going to be good for him though, he was certain. He just had to give it a chance, and spend the day with just his family for company, like he’d done for so many years before the Saotomes shattered the peace and simplicity of his life.

Akane tried to force a grin at the idea of his life hard resetting back to April of this year, before he had any reason to doubt anything about himself, before he had a fiancee, before he had anything to worry about besides showing up his old friend-turned-rival Kuno. Unfortunately, Akane didn't really appreciate the idea of going back in time, of unmeeting Ranma. It wouldn't really have fixed anything, would it? He would have denied himself joy in exchange for simply not knowing what was wrong with him, and not knowing about a problem wasn't the same as the problem not being there.

He let out a large sigh as he opened the door to the house. He wasn't supposed to worry about anything tonight, so he wasn't going to. The only thing he needed to be concerned with tonight was working off all those calories he just ate, figuring out what Kasumi wanted to make for dinner, and maybe trying to decide whether to do his weekend homework now or wait for when Ranma got back tomorrow.

“I'm home!” Akane's voice boomed throughout the house, announcing his presence to one and all. Weirdly, he didn't hear a single sound in response. Nobody shuffled around in place, no one’s footfalls caused the floorboards to creak ever so quietly, and he couldn't make out any conversation, laughter, or even just the sound of the TV playing.

Something felt off as he kicked off his shoes, and it followed him as he walked towards the main room. What he saw when he got there wasn't either of his sisters doing some kind of activity, nor his father smoking as he stared forlornly out over the porch, but instead a simple handwritten note left behind on the table.

To Akane,

Your sisters and I have decided to pay an overnight visit to your aunt, we won't be home tonight. You and Ranma will need to watch over the house, make sure to lock up before bed. Kasumi prepared some ingredients so Ranma can make dinner tonight. Stay safe, don't do anything I wouldn't do.

P.S. there is beer and sake on the third shelf of the refrigerator, do not drink it.

Love, your dear father.

As soon as Akane got over his immediate indignation over being left out of a trip to see one of his favorite aunts, he immediately realized what this letter actually entailed and his eyes began to twitch. They hadn't said what aunt. They were just staying over somewhere so Akane would have to sit in this house alone with Ranma—and the confusing cocktail of hormones running through his blood.

No wonder Nabiki tried to sabotage his date earlier, she was probably just trying to waste his time to give everyone more time to pack for their impromptu vacation. Well, the joke was on them, Ranma had already ditched him, which meant he had the home to himself!

Akane crumpled up the note in his hand and let out a long protracted sigh. He wasn't sure being alone tonight was actually what he wanted, but he supposed he could be glad that they'd fooled his dad's stupid plans by total accident. Not having anyone to talk to did mean that he was going to have to entertain himself, though, and that meant he had to turn around and start heading upstairs.

Confident that there was no one to see him, Akane started unbuttoning his shirt and pants even before he made it into his bedroom, whereupon he immediately threw both onto the floor. He was going to fit that workout in first, and that meant he had to walk over to the wall where he'd hung up his dougi and-

Akane froze as his attention was stolen by another oddity. Sitting on his desk was a trio of bright red fresh-cut tulips sitting in a vase and shallow water and a stack of store bought chocolates. While he immediately began to fear that he'd had yet more attention dumped on him by a random girl who thought he was the dreamiest guy ever just because he insisted on actually being nice to them and treating them with respect—unlike creeps like Kuno—he very quickly ended up pinching his nose when he realized that this had to be one of his sisters’ doing. 

Yes, he'd gotten into a fight with Ranma the other day and probably needed to make up with her, and yes everyone apparently kind-of-sort-of expected him to marry Ranma, but they didn't need to be so damned pushy! If he actually wanted to get drunk with, sleep with, date, or marry some guy like Ranma he would have planned something like this himself! 

B- but he didn't. Which obviously meant that some part of him knew it was a bad idea. Probably the same part of him which remembered that Ranma hadn't asked for any of this either, and would be disgusted to know that Akane had even considered it.

Akane shook his head and sighed again as he pulled his dougi on and got ready. He didn't have time to worry about this. He needed to head outside, wail on his training dummies—the new ones, with the straw headbands—crack a dozen cement blocks in rapid succession, and then finally attempt to run through a few katas. 

And they were bad attempts too, because his feet kept getting tangled as his mind tried desperately to wander. He genuinely hadn't had to do this alone in a long time. He usually had Ranma by his side, her pigtail swaying back and forth as they moved in sync, their hearts beating as one as they both approached martial perfection together, and it was strange to very suddenly be so alone.

And even on days where she was too tired to join him he at least usually had the ability to train with Mr. Saotome. Mr. Saotome wasn't the kindest or gentlest master, but Akane had come a long way under his and Ranma's combined tutelage—far further than he had under his father's active neglect at least.

But today he didn't even get to have that. Mr. Saotome was off looking for a cure to his and Ranma's curse, and when he announced his most recent departure he sounded so sure that he'd ‘found the cure to the curse that had plagued him for years’.

A cure which would undoubtedly benefit Ranma as well. Then Ranma would be a whole guy, the engagement would be canceled or at least transfer over to Nabiki, Akane wouldn't have to worry about dating anymore, and- and-

Akane tripped in the middle of something profoundly basic, and he took it as a sign. Rather than bother standing back up, he shifted into a kneeling position and did his best to concentrate. His mind was troubled, and a troubled mind would only struggle with the art. He knew that. He just needed to sort out one simple question.

Did he love Ranma?

Just asking himself that question made his whole body shiver even as he closed his eyes and tried to empty his mind of distractions. He knew the answer to that already. He had some kind of crush on Ranma, felt things for the idiot Saotome that he'd never felt for anyone else before—not even Yuka, and she was pretty! 

But this went deeper than a crush. There was hesitation in his soul regarding simply admitting what he wanted. Why? Was it because the engagement was forced on him? Did he not think he could truly win Ranma's heart? Was he worried she would reject him?

He had to be. He wasn't stupid, just having her mad at him the other day had ruined his mood, and if he hadn't been talked into apologizing, it probably would have eaten him up inside for weeks, especially if she ran off in the middle of the night and never came back to see him.

A- and Ranma would reject Akane. Ranma had no reason to care about some ‘dojo boy’, because he was a man trapped in a bad situation, forced to be some other guy’s pretend wife, and he was certainly going to stop showing any interest in Akane as soon as he was cured. Ranma was a man, one day he was going to be a whole, unblemished, untarnished, attractive, cute, doting, powerful, and capable man, and then he was going to leave.

Akane had to be okay with that though. He couldn't and more importantly refused to force Ranma to be a girl, and if Ranma wasn't a girl, then- then they-

Then everything Akane felt for Ranma was going to be so confusing, and weird, and letting him go was just going to tear Akane up inside, too. Akane didn't want to let that whole man run off into the sunset, he wanted Ranma by his side, staying with him, hanging out, talking, practicing, ki-

But what was the alternative?! If Ranma was going to stay, he had to be cursed, and if he was cursed, he had to act like a whole girl, getting his heart and soul crumpled up until he was nothing but a full-time goddess who slept in Akane's bed, made all his meals, kept him company through the hard times, washed his back, let Akane wash hers, until eventually they started kis-

Akane let out a loud groan as his fingers dug into his pants. Why was this so hard?! Why couldn't he just figure out what he even got out of liking stupid Ranma?! She was pretty, beautiful, the kind of girl any guy would want to marry! So why did he keep getting stuck thinking about Ranma's guy side at all?! Why couldn't he just be a jerk who objectified Ranma, who saw Ranma as nothing more than some feminine ideal he could lust over?!

Because having to live like this was so much worse. He knew Ranma was a man, knew Ranma wanted to be a man, and- and all of his desires and needs were spilling out onto the idea of that man, a man Akane even kind of liked, and might have been willing to- might have-

Akane wasn't gay… right? He couldn't be, even if the only girl he'd ever truly felt this way for was secretly a man. B- because that would mean he was weird, wrong, strange, and everyone was right about him. It would mean he was only pretending to like Ranma's girl side, that he secretly wanted nothing more than to sit down at a private hotspring with Ranma, pull the guy onto his lap, lean forward and kiss-

“Aren't you forgetting about me?” Ranma asked, her voice sweet and soothing as she stood up out of the steaming water, wrapped Akane’s arm around her side, and leaned against his chest. “Could you really leave me behind, Acchan? Aren't I perfect?”

“O- of course I- I mean no, I- I think you're really pretty, absolutely, you know I only I want-” Akane tried to say, but the words in his throat became a jumbled mess as she started stroking his chest.

“There's no room for me then, is there?” the pigtailed boy asked, his voice neatly pitched up into the cutest possible imitation of a girl’s speech as he shifted off of Akane's lap and pulled himself under Akane's other arm . “I- I really wanted to get to know you, to let you understand the real me, so we could experience what Anything-Goes means together…”

“W- well o- obviously I want to- I'd never get rid of y- you, I just-” Akane's words once again turned into awkward nervous laughter as the boy kissed him on the cheek. 

“You want me, right?” Ranma purred into his ear.

“I- I-”

“You need me, don't you?” The pigtailed boy put his hand around Akane's back, gently tracing lines across his rugged body.

“Y- yes-”

“You’ll pick me in the end?” Ranma pressed her lips against his neck, nibbling slightly as she tried to leave a lasting mark of affection upon his form.

“A- absolutely, just-”

“You’ll come with me, no matter what?” The pigtailed boy mirrored the other Ranma, peppering Akane with far far too many kisses.

“H- how can a man possibly be expected to choose?!” Akane shouted, leaping to his feet. His hands trembled as he threw them towards the sky in impotent fury. He would cast down the heavens if only to be free to-

Something moving very fast hit the back of Akane's head, dragging him back to reality, where he was standing up and pointing towards the ceiling like an idiot.

“How can a man be expected to choose what, exactly?” asked Ryoga, whose hair was still wet like he'd just taken some kind of shower or bath… 

Which made sense, given that a little tote was now rolling across the ground after it had hit Akane, and the bathing supplies it previously contained were scattered around the dojo.

“What are you doing here?” Akane didn’t even bother answering the interloper’s question—mostly because the answer was far too embarrassing. “Did you get lost, P-chan?”

“Don’t call me-” Ryoga took a single step forward, his foot smashing into the wooden floor just hard enough to make a tremendous sound, at which point he smirked, flicked his hair aside, and turned away from Akane. “I’m looking for Ranma, where is she?”

“Sleeping over at his friend’s house.” Akane tried not to let jealousy peak through his voice as he had to once again remind himself that Ranma got to spend the night with the girls who had been Akane’s friends since junior high and elementary, since there wasn’t anything Akane could do about it. He was a man, they were girls, that was the way of things. Ranma’s curse might have let him blur the lines and get into places he shouldn’t, but… “And no, I’m not telling you where that is. A bunch of girls don’t need you turning into a pig and watching them all change.”

“H- hey, I wouldn’t…” Ryoga flinched in response to the insult, and it took him a few moments before he could shake his head and continue. “Guess that means you’re home alone? Do you always put rose petals in the furo when you’ve got the house to yourself? Do the scented candles calm you down, girlyboy?” 

Ryoga sneered as he tried to push one of Akane’s most sensitive buttons, but any anger Akane should have had at him was replaced by sheer indignation at Akane’s family’s audacity. Did they really do everything possible to give him and Ranma a romantic night together as a couple?! Were they really that desperate?! 

Akane started growling and cracking his knuckles even before he remembered that he was still dealing with Ryoga, and honestly the guy was as good an outlet for his frustrations as any. Akane needed someone to fight, at least then he could maybe clear his head and enjoy the rest of the night alone. 

“Shut up and fight me, jerk!” Akane yelled as he rushed forward and delivered a strike that Ryoga only narrowly dodged. There would be time for worrying about Ranma later. Right now, Ranma’s curse didn’t matter.

“Hah, I win! Guess Anything-Goes doesn't apply to everything!” Shikako threw her fist into the air excitedly as the Street Fighter cabinet proudly announced her victory over Ranma. 

“Ain't like it's real martial arts…” Ranma grumbled to herself, trying not to feel too slighted that watching her friends play the game before her hadn't granted her any insights. Sure, this was the really deluxe version of the game that cared about how hard you worked the controls, but all that did was mean that she needed to practice restraint and care with how she did her inputs. Either way, she was just going to have to work at getting better at this later, and in the meantime she probably shouldn’t have been diminishing her friends’ skills. “But a win’s a win, I guess. Don’t get too comfy, Shikako, you might be better than me now, but I’ll keep training.”

“I hope you’re not planning on getting good at everything, Ranma.” Shikako rolled her eyes as she started fighting through the computer controlled opponents now that the one opportunity for multiplayer had been exhausted, leaving Ranma to sit and watch her go through her combos and fancy footwork. It wasn’t complicated, of course, but it was more visually interesting than watching Yuka play through Dragon Quest II over on the TV, no matter how interested Ranma was in the idea of that game.

“So, Ranma, you know a lot about martial arts,” Sayuri started, watching intently as Shikako fired an energy blast from Ken’s hands. “Is any of this, you know, real? Did you learn anything like this while you were wandering around China?”

“I mean I could probably do mosta this if you asked, but I don’t really know what specific schools these guys practice. Are they named anywhere?” Ranma shrugged as Shikako advanced to the China rounds, beating people whose arts continued to look vaguely like stuff Ranma knew, but not well enough that he could name any of it. “I dunno. I’d have ta really try some of this out and feel what I might already have names for… but I probably shouldn’t mess up Yuka’s house. This isn’t the backwoods of China, I don’t just get to jump around like a fool.”

“Why were you in China, anyway?” Shikako asked, delivering a brutal uppercut to some guy. “I know you mentioned a training journey, but isn’t that kind of… far?” 

“You weren’t going to see family, were you?” Sayuri rocked her head back and forth as she thought about Ranma’s training journey, only to carry on that train of thought before Ranma could stop her. “A- actually, you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. I- I know that’s probably a touchy subject, if you are half-Chinese, so…”

“H- huh?” Ranma stammered, utterly unprepared for someone to assume that about her. “What are you even sayin’?! Is it the clothes? I picked these up in Shanghai right before I swam back ta Japan. I was obviously born here, and my- my-”

Ranma paused, scratching her head. Of all the things for her to have a strong opinion of, why was this one of them, especially since she didn’t actually know, did she? Pops probably didn’t drag Ranma down to China to try and fail to hunt down a lost love he met on some moonlit night on a training journey he took there in his youth, since he definitely didn’t speak Mandarin or anything and so probably hadn’t been there before… 

But that still didn’t mean Ranma wasn’t possibly half-Chinese. Her mom could’ve been anybody, really. Maybe she was some kind of traveling martial arts maiden, like the girls from Nujiezu. Then Ranma would have had a firm family legacy of martial arts, her mother could have been someone she could have looked up to and copied, but-

Well, there was no reason her mother wasn’t just some chick from a bar pops met here in Japan, who coulda been anyone from anywhere. There wasn’t any use fretting about who she was and what she wanted, she ran out on Ranma and her dad a long time ago.

“I uh, guess I don’t actually know,” Ranma said with a shrug, trying to clear any tension out of the air. “I could be, maybe. Never actually met mom, I only really remember traveling with my old man out on the road.” 

“Oh, that's kind of, um… I'm sorry.” Sayuri rubbed the back of her neck and walked over towards her girlfriend, trying to escape whatever weird situation Ranma had accidentally made.

“Ranma, it's your turn to change.” Makoto suddenly poked Ranma in the back from behind, tearing Ranma's attention away from the game and towards the fact that she was changed into an actual set of pajamas, unlike the other girls who had just put on oversized shirts and shorts. “You know the drill, it's not a ‘sleepover’ until we’re in sleeping clothes, I guess.”

“We have to check all the boxes for her! She might not get another one!” Sayuri called out, once again reaffirming that they were going to these lengths just for Ranma.

“Right, I'll be back in just a second, I change quick!” Ranma scooped up her bag and started heading down the hall towards the bathroom. Normally getting into her sleepwear would have just meant shucking off her shirt and pants, but the girls probably expected more from her than a man’s tank top and girl’s underwear.

Thankfully, he had just the thing! Yesterday, Nabiki had given Ranma a hand-me-down nightgown, and it was more or less her size. Slipping out of her clothes and into that was easy, and the soft barely sheer fabric did make her look really good. She posed for herself in the mirror a few times, just to extract all the joy she could out of flaunting her best features, and then turned to start walking back to the party room where her friends were waiting.

“Like I said, only took a second!” Ranma declared as she closed the door behind her, only for every other girl to stare at her.

Ranma shifted her weight from one leg to the other as Sayuri and Yuka's eyes bored deep into her, and Shikako and Makoto both tilted their heads and blinked at the sight. Yes, she was wearing something slightly more… feminine than they were, but there wasn't anything wrong with that, right? “I- is it too girly? I can go put a tank top on if it's weird…”

“Do you dress like that every night?” Sayuri asked, breaking the awkward silence. “I have no idea why Akane was so sheepish about the bunny suit thing, he's clearly the luckiest guy alive, getting to wake up to this.”

“H- hey, I don't sleep in his bed!” Ranma hadn't even been in Akane's room after she'd messed up that first time trying to sleep on his floor. Sure it meant troubled nights alone in the guestroom, but Ranma didn't want to force Akane to deal with her.

“You know you're not wearing a bra, right?” Shikako asked, prompting Ranma to immediately fold her arms over his chest. “S- sorry, I mean it's not like I haven't had to see you change or anything, you just- well you could have warned us you were going to show off.”

Shikako started laughing, even as none of the other girls did, and Ranma started rubbing the back of her neck as her shock-induced paralysis warred with her desire to run off and change again.

“I'm guessing this is your first time wearing that,” Yuka said with far more understanding in her voice than Ranma expected. 

“Y- yeah, N- Nabiki just gave it to me…”

“And you haven't really been told how these kinds of things work because of your dad, I get it,” Yuka continued, her tone even and calm. “But you should probably know that you are wearing lingerie.”

“H- huh?”

“Oh, do you think everyone wanted Ranma to accidentally wear this in front of Akane?” Sayuri started snickering as she concocted that outlandish reality, though Ranma had to admit that it probably would have had an effect on the guy. Akane tended to get really nervous and dumb whenever her chest was even a little visible, just like a typical guy! “I know I’d probably lose my head a little, if I was a boy.”

“I should go change, shouldn't I?” Ranma asked, already shuffling backwards towards the door. “I'll be right-”

“You can change later, Ranma,” Yuka began, physically cutting off Ranma's escape as she wheeled a rather tall standing mirror in front of the door, making Ranma face her own innate beauty yet again. “But we do have a right of passage on the list that I bet no one’s ever done for you, and this outfit is perfect for it. Sayuri, grab her makeup out of her bag, it's makeover time.”

Ranma gulped as Shikako and Makoto wordlessly mobilized to sit Ranma down in a spare chair, at which point Sayuri arrived with the collection of things Ranma had admittedly voluntarily brought. Her friends had told her to bring makeup, but she wasn't expecting to have it put on her!

“I actually do know how to put this on, you know. P- pops and I used it for scams all the time, either to look good, or look really bad, whatever got us fed on the road…” Ranma put her hands up defensively, but it did little to dent the collective smiles of the four girls looming over her…

And in the back of her head, she couldn't shake the feeling that she'd been in this situation before… 

But why would Ranma have let a bunch of girls apply makeup to her, though?

Ranma's focus shifted to the present exactly in time to feel the subtle tickling and brushing of multiple tools passing across her face at once. Her vision was largely obscured by the mess of hands, arms, and faces, but she could tell she was having foundation, concealer, eyeliner, eyeshadow, blush, mascara, and who knew what else vigorously put onto her face. Thankfully, Ranma only had to keep her peace for a few minutes before the assembled girls all stepped back and nodded in approval at what they saw.

“Okay, are you ready?” Sayuri asked, grinning wide.

“I think we might have gone a little far…” Shikako shrugged half-heartedly. “But I still think it's a good look for you.”

“Shouldn't we let her decide?” Makoto asked, stepping aside.

“Right, yeah. Tell us what you think!” Yuka moved out of the way of the mirror too, bringing the other girls along with her, leaving Ranma staring intently at herself.

This too felt oddly familiar. Vivid pink eyeshadow expertly accented the dramatic wingtip eyeliner that now called far too much attention to her eyes. If that wasn't enough, her eyelashes were gorgeous, bold, and Ranma knew deep down that if she fluttered them right now any man would get down on his knees and do anything she asked.

Even Akane.

Of course not everything could be perfect. Ranma's friends understandably thought she might have wanted to lighten her face, but the sheer amount of effort they put into it made her look practically pale! Ranma knew this was a normal beauty standard and all, but she didn't want to look like a living piece of white jade. She liked that her body looked hardened and refined by the rigors of the road, she wore her tan with pride because of the hours of dedication to the art that it represented. She may as well have been asked to hide her muscles and pretend she was a normal girl who hated throwing punches!

“Well it does look good,” Ranma offered, still twisting her head left and right to drink in the full effect of all of their hard work. “But I don't know that it's me, you know? I really am a little rough and tumble…”

“Oh, yeah, I guess we did go straight for the fairytale princess look, didn't we?” Yuka stifled a bit of laughter as she started walking away, but Sayuri shook her head.

“You just need to think about it, Ranma! If you put on a really showy cheongsam and showed up at Akane's house looking like this, I think he'd propose to you on the spot!”

“Or die of blood loss,” Makoto said, picking through Ranma's makeup case for something else she could put on Ranma instead.

“But I've never even worn a-” Ranma's words were muffled as one of her friends put a dripping wet warm cloth over her face, scrubbing away all the built-up makeup so she could start over from scratch. Of course with how much they'd used, one rag wasn't enough, and soon every one of Ranma's friends was furiously trying to use the hot, damp, wet, waterlogged, soaked-

Alarm bells fired off in Ranma's mind too late for him to stop what was coming. His gut rolled as parts vanished, transformed, or shifted around, and he knew all too well what his friend's sudden gasps meant, and was well aware why they all started backing away from him

Ranma Saotome, Man-Among-Men, was now fully visible to four very nice and very shocked girls.

Ranma's mind raced as he tried to find a solution to his current problem, but his eyes remained fixated on the thing staring back at him in the mirror. That man sitting there in an ill-fitting frilly pink piece of lingerie, whose bare and muscled chest was plainly visible through the sheer fabric, and whose ugly mug was covered in smeared makeup. He looked terrible, repulsive, like some kind of inept and useless crossdresser.

“Crossdresser” echoed through Ranma's mind over and over, spoken as if it had escaped through the lips of all of his friends, every one of the Tendos, his dad, Ryoga, all the boys at the old junior high, and-

Ranma couldn't sit there wallowing in self pity. He only had so long to think before it was going to be too late to act, even with his prodigious speed affording him incredible reaction time.

He could run, right now. He could jump out of a window, run back to the dojo, never see his new friends again, become a reclusive weird boy that they all gossipped about, then Akane would be known as the super queer who voluntarily dated him, and-

No, that wasn't a good plan. It was a worst case solution, maybe, but he cared about Akane too much to go through with it.

He cared about having his friends too much to do that.

A better plan formed in the margins of his mind, and Ranma knew he had to go along with it, because it was the only way he could save everyone. Ranma just needed to act. Ranma could do that.

She was a professional, after all.

“P- please don't scream, I can explain! I- I'm not a crossdresser!” Ranma let her voice shift back up towards its natural pitch and tenor, hoping that she could sound enough like a girly girl that everyone would believe her. “I- I have a condition, and if one of you could get me some cold water, I can show you…”

“You're a man?” Sayuri put her hands over her mouth, though that didn't manage to hide the ruby red flush that ringed her cheeks, caused by the anger or embarrassment she felt at having to share the room with a man.

“N- no, I'm not, I swear!” Ranma insisted, wishing desperately that she could force her friends to forget that they'd ever seen the wretched disheveled excuse of a man that sat before them. It wasn't her fault that she couldn't control when she changed, that the curse had been biding its time for the perfect moment to strike!

This was just like that first day at the Tendos all over again, only her fists couldn't fix a damn thing here.

“You're a man.” Makoto folded her arms and smirked as she looked down on Ranma, and something about her gaze caused Ranma's hair to stand on end.

“You have to believe me, I can fix this!” Ranma wanted to curl up into a ball and stop existing, or failing that run towards the wall and bust through it with a single punch, if only so she could get out of this situation, but she knew that wasn't going to help anything. The rumors about her were just going to spread, no matter what she did. Everyone in Nerima was going to hear the tale of Ranma the crossdresser.

“I'm going to trust you,” Yuka said while standing a short distance away, her arm fully extended and holding a glass of water out for Ranma to grab. 

Ranma reached out to take the precious gift without standing up, and she had to hope that what happened next worked out exactly as she wanted it to. Ranma took a deep breath to center herself, held the glass over her head, and then started talking.

“I- I told you I went on a trip to China, but I didn't tell you why I'm my father and I came back early. We had more places we wanted to go, but we ended up somewhere terrible,” Ranma began, her hand trembling and she waited for the perfect moment to trigger her transformation. “It was a place full of cursed springs, and any who fell within one are subject to a terrible curse. N- now, whenever I- whenever I-”

Ranma's voice hitched in her throat and she had to stop for just a moment. Was she really about to go through with this? Was she really about to dig herself an even deeper hole, such that curing her curse later was going to ruin her social life?

Yes. She was. She had no other options. 

“Whenever I get drenched by hot water, I turn into a boy, and I have to-” Ranma turned the cup over her head, hoping the way her voice would distort and change would lend credence to her tale. “-get soaked by cold water to turn back into a girl. I- I know I should have told you all sooner, b- but I- I-”

“What?!” the assembled girls all spoke in unison, each trying to accept the simple fact that magic was real.

“That can't be true,” Shikako said despite seeing the curse in action, only to pour hot water on Ranma's head. “Woah…”

“Does Akane know?” Sayuri asked, immediately following behind Shikako so she could use a spray bottle to drench Ranma's face yet again.

“This is fascinating.” Makoto grabbed the kettle out of Shikako's hands, pouring the last of it onto Ranma. 

“P- please stop doing that, transforming a lot makes me n- nauseous,” Ranma weakly smiled, even as her head and stomach started to swim.

“Your dad is a real piece of work.” Yuka shook her head in irritation, but at least her anger felt directed past Ranma. “What kind of man drags his only daughter out to China so he can get her cursed—on purpose—to turn into a boy, just so he can force her to get married to upperclassman Nabiki! I mean she's pretty, but we both know she’d eat you alive.”

Yuka's composure fell apart as she and the other girls started laughing at her joke, leaving Ranma stuck chuckling along with her. Yuka didn't really understand what had happened, of course, but that was mostly Ranma's fault. 

Ranma was just going to have to let her friends believe that pops really was cruel enough to curse her as long as it won him the engagement, even though his old man was out looking for a cure for them right now!

“Guess this was the only way he could keep up that stupid trick of treating you like a boy after you developed, huh?” Shikako gestured in front of her own chest, making big imaginary orbs as she light-heartedly mocked Ranma's half-baked backstory.

“I- I honestly never thought about it that way…” Ranma said with a shrug, not willing to make this any more complicated than it needed to be. “Well it didn't work, since Akane doesn't seem to m- mind, too much. H- he's way too sweet…”

“He's a lucky bastard is what he is…” Sayuri muttered under her breath, quiet enough that nobody else heard her.

“Ranma, can I ask you something? It's serious.” Makoto stared Ranma down with unblinking determination, her hands reaching into her bag so she could pull out a pen and a notebook. “What's it like having a dick?”

“H- huh?” Ranma stammered, only to feel the combined gazes of all four girls fixate upon her once again, each one practically vibrating in place as they waited for the answer. 

Ranma couldn't get out of this. She had to say something. “W- well, it's kind of-”

Akane let out a mighty shout as he kicked Ryoga directly in the chest, but rather than being knocked flat onto his back, the guy stood firm, only sliding a meter away from the force. Both boys started panting after what should have been a match ending blow if Ryoga had been a normal opponent. Akane couldn't keep fighting like this forever. He always put his all into every attack, but if Ryoga could weather so many of them without yielding, Akane was going to run out of steam and fall over eventually.

The pain had to be catching up with Ryoga though, he hadn't thrown a serious punch at Akane in a while, and he was trying to catch his breath just like Akane was. Maybe this was the right time to call their little practice spar, put down their fists, and move on, especially since Akane didn't specifically remember why they started this.

“Had enough, Ryoga?” Akane started stretching, fully prepared to capitalize on Ryoga thinking he'd let his guard down, just in case the guy used the moment to rush him.

“Yeah, I've seen enough,” Ryoga replied as he stood up straight and dropped his guard as well. “You’re strong enough to protect her, which means the only reason you let Mikado steal a kiss from the most beautiful girl in the world is because you're negligent.”

“I didn't let anyone do anything, Ranma was chasing after you, you idiot!” Akane’s fists balled as he considered starting the fight anew. Ultimately, he let his muscles go slack and started walking off. He was hungry, Ryoga probably was too, and it fell on Akane to make dinner tonight. “Besides, Ranma can take care of himself. He doesn't like being protected.”

Akane beckoned for Ryoga to follow as he walked out of the dojo and back into the house. First thing’s first, Akane was going to need to fill a kettle up with water—that was going to be easy—and then he had to carefully put it on the stove, same as always. He'd boiled water before, nothing would go wrong.

“Does it matter if Ranma likes it or not? Does that make seeing her get hurt feel better?” Ryoga asked, folding his arms as he kept his eyes trained on the kettle. “It's your responsibility as a man to see to her safety, and you know that! Unless you aren't man enough.”

“He's man enough all on his own,” Akane sighed and waved his hand flippantly as he started searching through the cabinets to try to find where Nabiki's emergency stock of instant noodles were. “You're like… the only other friend he has who should know that.”

“You must not be her friend if you've fallen for that lie,” Ryoga snorted and shook his head as he leaned against the fridge. “Ranma may be strong, but she still has a woman's heart beating just beneath her beautiful- her bountiful- her uh- in her chest.”

That was the second time someone had insisted that, and Akane still didn’t really understand what it meant. Didn’t Ranma only have a woman’s heart while he was actually in a woman’s body? If they meant something spiritual, mental, or emotional, wasn’t he born a man, and hadn’t he been loudly insisting on his manhood at almost every opportunity? 

At least, when he wasn’t stuck in this little lie of theirs and forced to pretend to be the prettiest girl who had ever lived, who loved Akane totally and utterly… But wasn’t that the lie, then? Sure, Akane sometimes felt his own thoughts wavering about her, sometimes wondered whether or not Ranma really was one or the other, but that just meant Ranma was a fantastic actor. He’d managed to fool everyone in Furinkan, at least one of his old friends, and she was almost fooling Akane, almost tricking him into viewing her as someone he could marry.

Akane put a hand over his chest to make sure his heart wasn’t trying to race over some boy right now, and then got back to searching. It didn’t take long for him to find the treasure trove, fortunately, and he tossed a cup at random towards Ryoga, before selecting shoyu for himself—he’d had far too much meat today already, he didn’t need beef flavoring on top of it.

“It must be so easy seeing the world like you do,” Akane began as he set his cup down on the counter. “I bet it’s nice seeing the girl you like and only ever thinking about her as a woman, not having to question what your love for her means about you.”

Both Akane and Ryoga suddenly locked eyes after he spoke, and it took a few seconds for Akane to realize what he’d just vented about. The words had spilled forth from him unbidden, and now he desperately wished he could slurp them back up before Ryoga could respond.

“W- what does that mean? Of course she’s a girl, I saw her change with my own eyes.” Ryoga nodded solemnly as he imagined… something, but Akane couldn’t stop the spike of anger he felt when he considered how much Ryoga probably had gotten to watch Ranma ‘change clothes’ ever since he showed up as her little pig. He probably loved getting to see her moments of vulnerability as she started taking off her top, or- or-

Akane had to focus. He got to see Ranma change too, after all, because Ranma was a boy, and that meant they bathed together all the time. Ryoga probably meant something simpler and stupider anyway.

“That’s just magic, Ryoga, Ranma’s curse doesn’t say anything about his heart.” 

“I'm not talking about the blessing she's been given, Akane. I'm talking about the first moment I saw it in her eyes,” Ryoga’s otherwise stern expression cracked into a gentle smile, if only until he continued. “If you had been there, you'd understand. She looked so happy.”

A whistle of steam interrupted Akane right as he planned to open his mouth and ask for more information, and that seemed like a good enough sign for the pair to at least move on for the moment. He took the kettle on the stove, grabbed them a couple of drinks out of the fridge—while being very careful not to grab the beer, like his father said—and then escorted Ryoga back out into the main room.

At which point a new challenge made itself apparent. Akane had to be a man right now, he'd already failed his fiancee earlier, he could not look stupid in front of Ryoga. Akane took a deep breath, tore open his cup of noodles, made sure this wasn't one of those cups that had the seasoning in a little bag, and then very delicately tried to pour hot water into the cup. He had to go slow lest he accidentally make a huge mess on the table, but in the end he succeeded, and a hot portion of noodles was now his! He was on top of the world, he could do anything, and nothing could stop him!

But just to be safe, he set the kettle down in front of the weirdly incredulous Ryoga, so the guy could fill his own cup.

“You can't see the girl in someone's eyes, Ryoga. Girls don't have different eyes, they just wear makeup sometimes,” Akane said after slurping up some of his noodles. “That's my problem, I guess. I can't really tell if Ranma's- if that girl side is- what if Ranma is a guy?”

“She's not! She never had been, and she never will be, you jackass!” Ryoga briefly put down his dinner so he could performatively crack his knuckles, as if that would scare Akane.

“See, that's the confidence I wish I had,” Akane admitted, shaking his head. “Because he's so cute, and sweet, and sexy, and I want to be there for him, and-

“Are you going somewhere with this?!”

“Does that make me gay? You know, if he's actually a guy.” Akane let out a sigh that felt like it had been brewing inside of him ever since Ranma had arrived, at which point he immediately began to devour the rest of his noodles in order to hide his blush.

“I- I- I mean, if you liked guys, I guess…” Ryoga ran a hand through his hair as he tried to make sense of the idea himself. “But she's not, so why are you worried about that?”

“That’s really easy for you to say. What, am I supposed to not be attracted to her guy side?” Akane had to look away from Ryoga, entirely for fear of how his rival was about to judge him. “Are you telling me you only like one half of Ranma?

“W- we- well it's not that I- I mean the way she used to look could be cute, but she has to… you know, do everything to it, right?” Ryoga’s nervousness wasn't particularly reassuring, but Akane had to admit his curiosity had been piqued.

“Do everything to it?”

“O- oh, I don't mean that she has to, you know, go to Thailand or anything, I'd accept her either way,” Ryoga’s reply still felt needlessly cryptic, and Akane could only wait for him to keep going. “But she's got to at least… well I know she wants to put makeup on, wear a pretty dress, the works. Then I could take her out for a night on the town, no one would treat her like anything other than my gorgeous girlfriend, I could nonchalantly put my hand on hers while we watched the full moon, she’d turn to face me, our eyes would meet, and-”

Akane threw Ryoga’s drink in his face, turning the idiot into a little pig. That spared Akane the jerk’s weird fantasies about Akane’s fiancee, even if it did make the pig start squealing and oinking for other reasons. 

Ryoga had to be lying though, about the dresses and stuff. Sure, Ranma took to letting the girls dress her up like a doll well enough, and she did get some really cute makeup put on her before their match by the staff in the women’s changing room, but that didn’t mean Ranma liked those things, right? It just meant she- she- he was doing the things he was supposed to be doing while wearing the body of a woman. Ranma certainly wouldn’t have let that happen to him as a guy though. There was no justifiable reason in Akane’s mind why Ranma would sit down in a chair and let girls doll up his cute little guy side until it crossed the threshold into something undoubtedly feminine. He would have complained! B- besides, his guy side was too manly to pull anything like that off perfectly, he was too fit, too firm! Even if he did slip into one of those hot little sparkly bodycon dresses, he still would have just looked- just looked-

Akane’s brow furrowed as he tried and failed not to imagine that posing like a gravure idol on Akane’s bed. Ranma would have contorted his body upon a perfectly constructed bed of flower petals, all in order to look unimaginably inviting to the only man worthy enough to make a woman out of him, the only man who could possibly walk across the room, lean forward, pin Ranma back, and- and-

A loud cracking sound snapped Akane back to reality, where the chopsticks in his hands now lay broken, he had to deal with an angry pig furiously trying to spill the kettle on the table so it could turn back into a guy, and where Akane had yet another unfortunate tightness in his pants.

He stood up and marched off to the bathroom. He needed a shower.

“Thanks, that was really helpful. Next up, can we go back to something you said a while ago?” Makoto moved a microphone back towards herself, still staring intently at her tape recorder. “When you said having a dick can be, and I quote, ‘frustrating’, did you mean that’s because it sometimes perks up and reveals your hidden inner thoughts to others even though you don’t want it to, or did you mean that you it sometimes tells you things about yourself you didn’t even know and may not want to hear?”

Makoto pushed the microphone back in Ranma’s face, who immediately began to awkwardly chuckle yet again over just how brazen her line of questioning had been. All the girls had been a little overly curious ever since they learned that Ranma had breached the gender divide, but Makoto was something else.  

“W- well, y- you know, now that you mention it, I guess both of those things are true…” Ranma replied, desperately wishing these interrogations could be over. She didn’t mind per se, but this was putting a lot of strain on her disguise. For all that suddenly turning into a woman had given Ranma some perspective on being a girl, it hadn’t really properly grounded her in the idea of how a girl would perceive being a guy, and she really didn’t want to say something stupid.

Sure, the likelihood that these girls ever found a girl with a boy curse to fact check her against was slim to none, but Ranma still had to play these things safe. 

“Ooooh, both, I hadn’t dreamed it would be that messy…” Makoto’s grin turned devilish as she wrote something down in her notebook. “Now then-”

“Can we give it a rest, Makoto, you’ve got the rest of high school to ask her these questions,” Shikako interrupted, thankfully buying Ranma a reprieve. “I’m sure having one is embarrassing enough without having to keep talking about it.”

“Y- yeah, exactly. It’s kind of embarrassing…” Ranma crossed her legs, aiming at least to look like she was especially worried about what she was packing. Other than the humiliation of having to cram herself into this girly nightwear on her guy side, it admittedly didn’t really matter all that much to her, but her friends thought it did  and that meant she had to at least act that way a little. “Why do you even need to know, anyway?” 

“Well, since you asked,” Makoto started digging around in her bag, only for Yuka to clear her throat. 

“We can show the new girl your doujins later, we have other stuff to take care of!” Yuka tilted her head and tapped her chin as she tried to actually think of something, however, having apparently exhausted all the easy options. “I’d offer to brush your hair and then braid it, but I’ve never seen you take yours out of the braid.”

Yuka laughed like that was a joke, but Ranma really wasn’t sure it was appropriate to be laughing about at all! Sure, she didn’t have a lot of experience with this kind of thing, but could the other girls really be that flippant? They had to know what they were suggesting!

“Y- y- you want to brush my hair?” Ranma said, cradling a bit of her pigtail defensively. “I- isn’t- isn’t hair brushing something you’re supposed to do by yourself, it’s a private thing!”

“What.” Every single girl blinked repeatedly as they spoke in monotone, and though Ranma had been so certain she was done collectively confusing all of her friends tonight, she had to accept that she’d said something stupid yet again. There was a way out of this, she just had to start talking.

“W- well, you know, brushing your hair all by yourself, all alone, it’s a… kind of meditation, right?” Ranma asked, though none of the girls seemed impressed by her explanation. “A- at least that’s what Ms. Kasumi said.”

Once again, nobody’s expression betrayed either understanding, support, anger, or judgment. They all simply stared until Ranma’s anxiety bid her to dig the hole deeper. “Or, it’s what I think she was trying to say, when she handed me a new hair brush, and-”

“Oh my god…” Sayuri was the first to speak, putting her hands over her mouth.

“You can’t be serious…” Shikako added, scratching her head.

“She absolutely is.” Makoto smirked, still enjoying Ranma’s suffering.

“Ranma, you- you- you really don’t know what she meant by that?” Yuka asked, turning away briefly so she could find a brush.

“O- of course I do!” Ranma protested, though she wasn't surprised when no one believed her. Rather than give Ranma any reassurance, Yuka instead let out a sigh and flipped the brush in her hand so she was holding it by the head, casually tapping the handle against her free hand.

“So she told you it was for meditation?”

“Well, she said I should use it while thinking about Akane, and-” Ranma got no further than that before most of the girls once again burst out into mocking laughter, though Yuka at least stayed silent and calm. 

“Ranma, you know she was asking you to—you know— use it, right?” Yuka repeatedly made a stabbing motion with the handle as she waited for Ranma to get it, but it was only on the fourth jab that some misplaced neuron in Ranma’s head finally realized that there was only one thing all these girls would think was so funny. 

Something Ranma had been trying to avoid thinking about ever since she’d gotten this damned girl’s body.

“S- sh- she was telling me to do that?!” Ranma shouted, her face growing incandescent at the mere idea that Ranma would even try such a thing! She was a martial artist, self-control, self-discipline, and self-denial were all skills she was well versed in, she had no need for Kasumi’s marital advice! Her mind briefly attempted to frantically try to imagine why Kasumi thought that would help, but Ranma used that selfsame self control to violently shove that image out of her mind before it could even form, all while letting out a verbal refusal the girls were probably going to appreciate. “Ew ew ew ew ew!”

“I guess we can’t totally blame your dad for this one,” Sayuri started snickering—though she needed to stop considering how red in the face all this laughing was making her.. “But now you know, and now we should probably stop talking about it.”

“Yeah, we have better things to be worrying about anyway,” Shikako said, idly whistling like she knew something Ranma didn’t. 

“Yes, please, anything else,” Ranma pleaded, putting her hands together and closing her eyes for effect. She needed her friends to know how desperate she was for them to move on!

Unfortunately, that meant she was too distracted to react in time to recognize what Shikako’s sudden shuffling meant, and by the time Ranma opened her eyes, she had to watch in horror as Shikako undid the pigtail holder at the base of Ranma’s lustrous locks. 

“No, stop, don’t!” Ranma started looking around the room for any source of cold water she could find, but as she bolted upright and started running over to the conspicuous spray bottle sitting on a table, she realized nothing was happening. 

“I know braiding your hair is a lot of effort, but we can redo it after we play with it,” Shikako said, utterly unaware of just how lucky Ranma was. The dragon’s whisker must have finally expired! She was free of one of her curses! She just had to be careful not to get any sudden haircuts again, going forward. “I’ve always wanted to try styling hair this long, but I can’t even grow more than most of the guys in our class. You have to let me see what I can do with you.”

“Okay, okay, fine. Just don’t do anything too silly. I still need to be able to fight, you know?” Ranma tried to grin as the girl started fiddling with her hair, only to be joined by Yuka who started putting the brush she was holding to its intended use. 

And while that was happening, Ranma wasn’t too surprised when Makoto and Sayuri insisted on walking over to her with the makeup case once again, now fully intent on messing around with Ranma’s guy side. This whole ordeal should have been embarrassing, but she supposed as long as nobody other than the girls saw, it was probably harmless. She just had to make sure she took it off before she left the house, and make sure she avoided accidentally being in the hallway when their delivery Chinese food finally arrived in another few minutes…

Sunlight shone overhead as Akane marched down the road to Yuka’s house on a mission. He wasn’t Ranma’s keeper, and he’d been fully intending to just let Ranma hang around the girls until he got bored and came home, but Makoto had called the dojo twenty minutes ago, demanding that Akane wake up, drop everything, and come pick Ranma up at once. It was probably nothing, if Ranma was in any real danger the girls would have said something, or at least started screaming into the phone about there being some kind of weird perverted boy running the house. Still, Akane couldn’t ignore a genuine plea for his aid, especially if that plea was going to result in him swooping in to save his fiancee, at which point he could smirk for the audience, pull the rose out from between his teeth, hold it out for Ranma to take, and-

Akane groaned as he neared the impressive abode of his old friend, both to get that stupid image out of his head, and to chastise himself for not bringing the tulips with him. Giving Ranma flowers had demonstrably positive effects, and while a trio of flowers was probably less impressive than a whole bouquet, Ranma would have assumed Akane had bought them just for her, leapt into his arms, kissed him on the lips, professed his undying love for Akane, and then-

A loud thunk reminded Akane that he really needed to stop letting his imagination get the better of him, especially since the strangers walking around down the street were now intently staring at the red-faced young man who had just walked headfirst into a streetlight and dented it. Unwilling to sit around and get in trouble for that act, Akane started running off, rounded a corner, leapt over an intervening single story building, and finally arrived at his destination. It was a big house—bigger than Akane’s even, though it didn’t have a yard, an outdoor storage shed, a dojo, a massive outerwall, a separate entrance, or any of the other minor things that made the Tendo home seem impressively large to an outsider—but not so big that Akane felt strange simply walking up to it, unlike Kuno’s place. 

Wasting little time, Akane slid open the door, passed into the genkan, and cupped his hands so he could shout for attention. 

“It’s Akane, I’m here!” 

“Oh, good, you made it!” Sayuri was the first to round the corner, still wearing an oversized band shirt over a pair of tiny shorts. She was always one of the last to wake up, and rarely started her day until someone made her. “So, come on, why didn’t you tell us?!”

“T- tell you what, exactly?” Akane asked, rubbing his neck as he tried to ignore the way Sayuri started pouting.

“That your fiancee was so hot…” Sayuri’s voice dropped to a whisper as her face began to glow a ruby red, though Akane wasn’t really sure why that was a surprise to her. They both appreciated the finer details of the feminine form, and Ranma’s assets were pretty on display, even when he did wear rather unflattering guy clothes.

“I’d thought that was obvious, Sayuri.” Akane shook his head and smirked as Shikako and Yuka rounded the corner, but the fact that they were grinning caused him to pause. A chill ran down his spine as his sixth sense tried to alert him to hidden danger, but he had no idea what could possibly be about to befall him. He only knew that if he wasn’t careful, he was going to die.

“You know you don’t have to stand out there, Akane. You can take your shoes off and come in.” Yuka rolled her eyes as she waited, but the fact that Shikako beckoned him forward only put him more on edge.

“W- what’s going on, where’s Ranma? Where’s Makoto?” Akane asked as he removed his shoes and stepped up, fully aware of who had called him over. All of his friends were weird in some way or another—that was why they’d banded together—but given the things Akane knew Makoto was capable of, he knew her absence had to mean something. She must have been showing Ranma something stupid, trying to goad Ranma into making Akane hug Ryoga passionately, or arrange some kind of weird-

Akane’s jaw fell open and his brain immediately stopped processing anything but the girl that walked around the corner, her frilly and nearly sheer pink nightgown doing very little to hide the little curves of her body or the muscle definition that lay just underneath. It took only a second before Akane recognized the face of the person walking towards him, and even though she had her beautiful warm black hair down and fluttering behind her, Akane instantly understood that this was Ranma. This was his fiancee, and she was amazing. Akane swallowed on instinct as the nervousness inherent in meeting a pretty woman overwhelmed his ability to function, and he started fiddling with his hands as he stared down at her. 

“H- hey, Ranma, a- are you- why- should- aren’t you t- topless?” Akane used every bit of willpower he had to shut his eyes, but even then he couldn’t avoid leaving them partially open, if only so he could drink in the girlish figure of the person standing before him, the person who towered over everyone in the room but Akane, who- who- 

“Hey, Akane…” Ranma said, his voice pulled high to accent the way he’d been dressed up. Akane struggled to do little more than watch his ruby-painted lips move or his eyelashes flutter, but the creeping reality of the situation could only sit in the back of his mind for so long.

Ranma… was a boy right now. Akane didn’t mean that in the sense that Ranma had a man’s heart or anything, he meant that the last bit of water to touch Ranma had been hot, and even despite that the girls hadn’t panicked, they’d dressed him up in somebody’s spare nightgown, put far too much work into making him look pretty, and then they’d called Akane over so he would have to look.

Akane wanted to yell at Makoto, the only person who could have arranged this, but he had bigger problems.

“H- hey, Ranma. Y- you’re o- on your- you’re uh- so you told everyone about your curse…” Akane started poking his fingers together as he waited for someone to explain just how bad the situation was. He had no idea if everyone thought he was a depraved homosexual right now, a boy like Ryoga who didn’t care how Ranma looked as long as she said she was a girl, or some other secret third thing Akane couldn’t comprehend, but he did know that every muscle in his body was preparing to scoop Ranma up in his arms and run off with her.

A- and he had no idea if that was because he was mad at her, wanted to save him, or needed to bring Ranma home so they could- could- talk about this.  

“We found out by accident, actually.” Yuka hadn’t stopped grinning, and from the way she was staring at him, he could tell that he’d failed—or passed—whatever stupid test this was supposed to be. 

“You could have warned us, you know!” Shikako added, folding her arms.

“I deserved to know about this.” Makoto glared at Akane briefly before shoving Ranma forward, leaving Ranma and Akane mere centimeters away from each other. Not wanting to be too close to Ranma, Akane took a step back, which resulted in him immediately stepping onto the edge of the genkan, at which point he tripped and began to fall like an idiot…

Only to be swept up into Ranma’s arms, because the jerk was fast even when he looked like a princess, and now the two were even more dangerously close to one another. Here, held in Ranma’s arms, it was so hard for Akane to fight the urge to lean forward and fulfill his obligation to Ranma and the schools. But he had to. He had to! Akane wasn’t that kind of guy, damn it! A- and Ranma wasn’t either! What wrong impression would Ranma get if the only way Akane was willing to kiss him was while he was some kind of overly feminine girlish boy man?!

Akane put his hands between himself and Ranma and shoved the idiot back. This thankfully separated the two and gave Akane time to clear his head, but it also meant that he immediately hit his back on the hard ground, undoing all of Ranma’s hard work. 

“What was that for, ya jerk?!” Ranma demanded, stomping forward as Akane picked himself up off of the ground. “I was tryin’ ta help you, you know!”

“Yeah, well, a man doesn’t need anyone to protect him.” Akane hoped his response would carry its intended meaning correctly, that Akane had to look like the man in their relationship in front of their friends, but Ranma scowled regardless. 

“Oh, is that it, huh? You get ta coddle me whenever I’m in trouble, but I just have to suck it up and watch you get hurt?” Ranma let out a long sigh and turned around, tromping off back into the house. “Good ta see you, jerk, glad you liked the girls’ little presentation.”

“H- hey, get back here, we’re supposed to be going home!” Akane demanded, though his friends barred his path.

“I did everything I could for you, Akane, how did you screw that up?” Makoto put a hand to her chest like she was honestly truly hurt, and for the first time in their friendship Akane almost believed her. 

“You shoved Ranma in my face!”

“And you’re engaged, aren’t you?” Sayuri tilted her head in mock confusion, like she didn’t know the answer to her question.

“I’m engaged to a- to a girl, Sayuri, and-”

“And we did everything we could to show her how she could still look like a girl if she wanted to,” Yuka shook her head in disappointment, clicked her tongue once, and then turned around to leave as well. “You know you thought she was pretty, why couldn’t you tell her that?”

“W- well, I’m not, I can’t,” Akane tried to protest the way he was being treated, but the girls all started walking away. 

“You’re not helping her self confidence,” Shikako added as the group finally turned around a corner, leaving Akane well and truly alone.

Akane pinched the bridge of his nose now that he finally had time to think, trying to figure out what he could possibly do from here. They were right, Ranma probably did want to be complimented on how he looked—for some reason—and obviously Akane knew that he was absolutely pulling off the- the- the ‘hot and sultry crossdresser who makes men doubt their sexuality’ look, but… how could he?

How was Akane supposed to find the nerve to actually say that to a straight man?

A straight man, who was wearing all that makeup and a dress specifically to impress Akane…. Or was it to make their little fake engagement make more sense? Then again, Ryoga could have been right, Ranma could really be a girl deep down in her soul. Then Akane would have been pushing her away for no reason, and that was going to cost him everything. Why was this so hard?! Why couldn’t Ranma just get cured and make this easy for him?! 

Akane swallowed again as soon as he even considered the fact that Ranma could get cured, because after that display of feminine perfection on a man’s frame Akane had to admit that curing Ranma wasn’t going to make a damn thing easier for Akane to understand…

“Are you gonna stand out there all day, or are ya gonna help us eat the pastries we grabbed for breakfast?” Ranma asked, leaning around the corner. The black hair immediately reminded Akane that Ranma hadn’t exposed himself to any cold water, and he had thankfully changed out of that stupid dress, but a faint trace of the makeup still remained, and that alone was still causing confusion to course through Akane’s head. 

But he had to get used to it. Ranma was probably going to start doing that to his guy side going forward, any time they were alone with their friends, and Akane didn’t really mind.

She was pretty cute, even like this. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Akane closed his eyes and tried to smile as he raced down the hallway after Ranma, eager to see what the rest of the day had in store for them both.