Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was Halloween night, 2008, Noel was sitting on the edge of his bed staring into his mirror at his half put on C-3PO costume he always wore. He was too much of a chicken to go as who he truly wanted to dress up as, and sure that if he did he would be called some… unsavory words. 

After what felt like an hour of contemplating and staring at his mirror, he decided to put on some black eyeliner he had stolen from his mom, no one would see it under his costume but that didn’t matter. He knew it was there and just knowing that it was there made him feel better. 

His mom usually worked nights so he left a note for her, “Gone out for Halloween, be back before midnight,” she usually got home after midnight, besides he had work tomorrow so he couldn’t stay out too late. 

He put on his helmet and grabbed the pillowcase he had gotten from his own pillow, before slipping out the door of the trailer he and his mom lived in, heading towards the larger part of the tiny town he lived in. 

He stopped at a few trailers and houses along his way before he found Mischa, aimlessly wandering around, presumably half drunk as he always was, “Hey Mischa!”

“Noel? Is that you? I didn’t recognise you with your costume on,” Him and Mischa never really spoke outside of choir, and Mischa didn’t really speak much in choir as well. 

“Why are you out here? If you don’t mind me intruding a little.”

“Not at all. Just needed to get out of the basement, needed some fresh air, and some vodka.” He loosely flings the bottle towards Noel, “Want?”

“Where’d you get that?”

“I thought It was birthday.”

“I’ve never been drunk before.” Noel absentmindedly says before taking a swig from the bottle. “You said you needed to get out of the basement?”

“Yeah.”

“ Yeah ? Do you live in the basement?”

“Live is a strong word, I survive down there if that's what you’re asking.”

“Are you planning on going back anytime soon?”

“What?”

“I know we don’t really know each other, but… living in a basement seems sort of… shity,” Noel takes another drink, before passing it back, “I guess I’m asking if you wanted to sleepover for a night.”

“Are you serious? Noel Gruber, that would be awesome.” Mischa tosses the bottle on the ground before sweeping Noel into a tight hug. “Are you sure it’s okay with your Mum?”

“Mom works nights, and usually when she gets home she goes to sleep almost immediately… I think it’ll be okay.”

In his half-drunk daze it takes a minute for Mischa to fully stand up without toppling over and he puts his arm over Noel’s shoulder to steady himself as they walk back to Noel’s.

It’s nearly 11:30 when they make it back and Mischa immediately flops onto Noel’s bed and is sound asleep within seconds.

Noel takes his time brushing his teeth and changing into his pajamas. They’re a black button up top with lace trimming on the sleeves he found in a thrift store and got a weird look from the cashier when he went to ring them up, and black and white plaid pants his mom had bought for him last christmas. 

Eventually he climbs into the bed with Mischa, seeing as the couch is his mom’s bed and he is definitely not sleeping on the floor. Mischa looks so peaceful sleeping there he thinks to himself. As Noel jostles around trying to find a comfortable way to sleep with someone in bed with him he wakes Mischa slightly. 

“Noel?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for letting me stay over. And I like your eyeliner.” Mischa's back asleep as the words slip off his tongue, this time resting his head on Noel’s chest and wrapping Noel in a hug.

Chapter Text

Noel wakes up the next morning to Mischa’s breath softly grazing his face, as he opens his eyes the sun hits him. Shit! He quickly gets out of bed, without disturbing Mischa, and throws on his work uniform, pinning his name tag on while searching through the fridge for something to make into breakfast.

“Morning. Whatcha making?” Mischa startles Noel causing him to nearly drop the egg in his hand.

“Jesus Christ! Uhm, just breakfast, I have to get to work soon but Mom’s not back so I can’t drive there.”

“I can drive you.”

“ Really! They let you have a driver’s license?”

“Technically no… but I can borrow my adoptive parent's car. Where do you work anyway?”

“It's not obvious?” Noel flicks off the stove, dumping the eggs and some toast on a plate, before sitting next to Mischa at the table.

“I meant which one. There’s like a Taco Bell every five miles in this damn country.”

“The one at the mall, it's a thirty-minute drive… thanks for the ride by the way.”

“It’s no problem, I didn’t feel like going back to my house anyway.”

Noel starts cleaning up as Mischa shoves the last bits of food in his mouth. “I’ll be back just gonna go grab the car.”

“No problem, just… my shift starts in forty five-minutes so be quick.”

“You worry too much, Noel Gruber. You’ll get to your job on time, count on me.”

Maybe it was the way he said it, or that Mischa was being nice to him, but as soon as the door shuts behind him Noel’s cheeks flush bright red. Five minutes later he heard his Mom’s car pull up next to the trailer. “Hey sweaty, I’m back.”

“Hello Mom, Just letting you know I got someone to drive me to work so you don’t have to.”

“Are you sure? I can still drive you just give me a minute to make some coffee.”

“Mom… It’s okay! Just try and get some sleep.”

Noel sits on the couch anxiety coursing through his body. He's never felt this way before, he always goes to work so what’s so different now? Mischa.

“God dammit!”

“You okay?!”

“Yeah, Mom.”

“I have a crush on Mischa? How the hell do I have a crush on Mischa ? Mischa Bachinski, the guy who barely speaks and constantly looks somewhat drunk.” Noel’s head is scrambling trying to figure out what the hell happened to make him like Mischa, and even worse; he now has to share a car ride with him. “This is going to be the death of me.”

Mischa’s back soon, idling outside, as Noel quickly grabs his bag, gulping down some anxiety before climbing into the car with Mischa. “Thanks for driving me by the way.” 

“Again, It’s no problem Noel,” God! The way Noel’s name dances on the tip of Mischa’s tongue sends a shiver down his spine, causing him to blush profusely. Noel turns to look out the window, trying to hide his face, the dead trees of his dead down whizzing by. 

“So… would you like music or anything?” Mischa 

“Huh, oh, uhm… not really.” Noel turns away from the window, resting his head on the seat’s headrest. The sunlight from the barely risen sun hits Mischa’s face just perfectly. It follows every curve of his profile, making his eyes sparkle. Mischa notices Noel staring and glances at him, “tired, or staring?”

“What? Both… sorry.”

“It’s fine, what are you staring for?”

Pushing down his crush, which seems to have grown immensely in the few minutes they’ve been in the car together, Noel scrambles to find an excuse, “Just wondering why you’re in Canada of all places .”

“It’s long story.”

“Longer than twenty minutes?”

“Eh, why not, I lived in Odesa, with my mother, but she was a factory worker. And… and… Sorry it’s just hard to think about.”

“That’s okay. We have plenty of time if you need to take a break.”

“Nah I’m fine… When Chernobyl… happened , she was a part of the clean-up crew, you know. Well, I guess she was exposed to too much radiation and she… became sick…” Noel reaches his hand over placing it on Mischa’s, squeezing it. “I guess she wanted me to have a better life, or maybe she just didn’t want me to see her die, but, that’s why I’m here . She forged my birth certificate, said I was two.”

“Is that why… you’re…”

“In the basement, yep, when I got here they were immediately disappointed. Now… I can’t tell if they’re disappointed by just me… or that they never got their ‘beautiful baby boy’.”

“I’m so, so, sorry that that’s what your life is.”

“No, it’s no problem. Not your fault.”

“No! You shouldn’t have to live with that, seriously, if you ever need to stay over, talk, escape. Just let me know.” Noel squeezes his hand one last time before placing it back in his lap.

“Thanks, Noel, but, it’s fine. We’re almost here I think. Is that it?”

“Well, it’s the only giant building for miles, so yeah.”

Mischa pulls into a parking spot close to one of the entrances, “Did you want to come with? I mean, I know I have work but, did you want to walk around afterwards?”

What was he doing? Noel was already going crazy just sitting next to him in that car, but, inviting him to spend the rest of the day together, Noel was truly insane.

“I was gonna go return the car so… pick you up when?”

“I get off at three.”

Mischa climbs back into the car after waving goodbye, watching Noel as he walks towards the mall’s entrance. Mischa’s never talked to someone that much, let alone opened up to them, “Noel Gruber you are a strange man…”

Chapter Text

“Mischa?”

“Hmh?”

“Are you okay? Did something happen? You’ve been like… weirdly quiet the entire ride.”

“What? No. Everything’s fine.”

“Okay? Anyway… thanks for the ride back… yep. See you tomorrow.” Mischa doesn’t respond, or at least not in a way that Noel can tell.

* * *

“It was so weird the entire ride back, he was just silent.”

“I still can’t believe you got Mischa to talk to you in the first place let alone give you a ride to your job.”

“Well, Ocean, I can’t believe you got Constance to date you.” Noel and Ocean both glance over at Constance who’s leaned up against Ocean’s side. “What? I liked her too. You said he slept over at your house, right? Where’d he sleep? You don’t exactly have spare beds lying around.”

“In-mine.”

“Huh?”

“He slept… in-my-bed.”

“Willingly?” Ocean says, entangling her hand with Constance’s.

“He just plopped onto it when we got back so… yeah? And then he…”

“And then he what?”

“He, kinda, hugged me and slept with his head on my chest.”

“He what?! Did you like it?” Noel doesn’t respond, he just goes quiet and blushes a little.

“Oh my god! You like Mischa!”

“Constance shut the fuck up!”

“Mischa, my sweet baby.” Ocean mockingly teases Noel, making him jab her in her arm to get her to shut up.

“On an unrelated note, have you seen him? He wasn’t in choir this morning, I was just wondering whether he was in any of your classes”

“No. Constance?”

“No, I didn’t see him either.”

“Do you know where he lives?”

“Yeah I’ll send the address to yo- why?”

“I’m gonna see if he’s okay” Noel grabs lunch and books and shoves them back into his bag, quickly running out the side gate of St. Cassian.

“Constance, how do you know where Mischa lives?”

“I’m an office attendant, you pick up on things.” Ocean wraps her arms around Constance, planting a kiss on the top of her head. “I love when you snoop.”

* * *

Noel is frantically walking towards Mischa’s house, his mind already spiraling. What if he got hurt? What if something happened between him and his adoptive parents? What if… Why does he care so much about Mischa, he’s never cared for anyone in his life except for his mom. What’s so different about a stupid boy from Ukraine? 

Noel’s standing on the doorstep of Mischa's supposed house, he doesn’t quite trust Constance, waiting for someone to answer the door. After what feels like an hour of passing back and forth he hears the door unlatch. 

“Noel? What are you doing here?”

“I came to check if you were okay, you weren’t in class.”

“Oh uhm… yeah, I’m fine, just had some adoption stuff to deal with and I didn’t feel like going to school after. Did you want to come in?”

“Um sure. Sorry if I came over… unexpectedly. I just… I don’t know.”

“Noel, You're fine. I needed some company anyway. Both of them left for work so it’s just been me. Did you want anything to eat, drink.”

“Just water.”

“What. No vodka?”

“It’s like one.”

“You chugged it last time, might be more of an alcoholic than me.”

“ Just, water.”

“So… are you okay?”

“I said I was fine.”

“I know what you said, it’s just, you also said you didn’t feel like going to school.”

“Noel, I’m fine. I was watching a movie before you came. Did you want to join?”

“Well I don’t feel like going back to school,” Mischa lets out a small chuckle, “Come on.”

Mischa grabs Noel’s glass before leading him down a hallway to the door to the basement, flicking on a light switch. “So this is where you take all your victims, cute.”

“You’re the first person to go down here other than me or my adoptive parents, actually.”

Noel pulls back the covers draped across the couch, falling back onto it. 

“I was already watching Saw V but I’m not sure if you want to watch that.”

“Did you have a movie in mind?”

“Not really, there’s a bunch of DVDs lying around but I don’t feel like sorting through all of those.”

“TV then.”

“Sure.” Mischa flicks through channels mindlessly putting on Merlin . “Did you wag school just to check if I was okay?”

“ Maybe . I just had math and English left so don’t count yourself too lucky.”

 “Wait. How’d you find my house.”

“ Lucky guess… Constance told me.”

Mischa dims the lights hoping to focus more on the TV though he can’t stop catching glances at Noel, the way his eyes sparkle from the dimmed light and TV, the way he wets his lips occasionally. He feels a pull towards Noel and he doesn’t know why, and soon, he’s physically scooting closer to Noel hoping to find whatever it is he sees in Noel.

His hand brushes up against Noel’s, shit. Noel notices but doesn’t say anything besides moving his hand a little closer, wanting to feel the electricity of the touch again. Does Mischa feel the same way he does? Does Mischa like him back? No. That can’t be, Mischa doesn’t like anyone , Noel is pretty sure he’s the only queer person within a fifty mile radius. 

But he can feel Mischa moving closer, he can feel the electricity radiating off of him. That’s when Noel passes his fingers through Mischa’s. They don’t dare glance at each other but they can both tell what the other is thinking. They’re hands are tangled together and soon they’re moving closer, wanting to feel the touch of the other even more. 

Their faces are centimetres apart, Noel can feel Mischa’s breath pass by his face. A car door slams. “Fuck! Shit! They’re back. Noel you have to go.”

“But-”

“Noel, please go. I’m not supposed to have anyone here.”

Noel grabs his bag running toward the back door of the basement, hesitating, “Do you want to go to the carnival with me tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” And with Mischa’s final word Noel is out of the basement, the afternoon sun beaming down on his face.

Chapter Text

Mischa’s sitting on his couch, his leg bouncing as he waits for Noel to respond to his text, “ When do you want me to pick you up?” When his phone lights up with Noel’s reply, “ 7? I promised I would pick up Constance, Ocean, and Ricky as well. So could you also pick them up? Sorry.”

“ Yeah. No problem. I’ll pick you up then we can go together and get them.”

“ Thanks :)”

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Noel heads towards Mischa’s car, idling in his driveway, hesitating before climbing in. “You okay after last night?”

“I’m fine.”

“Well, can we talk about what happened?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“So you’re just going to pretend that didn’t happen. Mischa-” Noel reaches for his arm on the steering wheel trying to get him to turn and talk to him but Mischa wrenches it away before he can. “Noel… just leave it, okay?”

The rest of the car ride to Constance’s house is tense and awkward. Noel can feel that Mischa is about to explode, but he doesn’t want to say anything and risk him… exploding.

Constance is already outside her house when they arrive, Ocean’s behind her sitting on her porch. She waves quickly before helping Ocean up and getting in the car. “Hey, how are you two?”

“Fine.” They both snap with gritted teeth.

“Oop, struck a nerve I guess.”

“Ocean can you shut the fuck up for once!”

The minute they park in front of Ricky’s house Constance bolts out of the car, signing a quick hello to him before helping him into the car. “Hey space Jesus, how’s it going?” Mischa says to him while trying not to hit their mailbox, he hits it anyway.

Constance, translating what Ricky is signing. “Good, just ready to get away from the cats for a little while.”

With Ricky in the car with them, some of the tension has lifted, though Noel is still ignoring Ocean. Eventually, the bright, flashing lights of the carnival start to shine through the trees. As soon as Mischa parks the car Ocean and Constance take off with Ricky leaving Mischa and Noel behind.

“Hey… Noel, I’m sorry for being a dick today. It’s just… shit happened yesterday and I guess I’m still angry about it and I took it out on you, so… I’m sorry.”

“Oh my god! Mischa Bachinski apologizing to me. Did I die?”

“You’re never gonna let this go aren’t you?”

“Nope. Now can we get some food, I haven’t eaten all day.” The second they get past the front ticket gate they’re blinded by all the lights and sounds, eventually finding a funnel cake stand tucked in a corner of the food court. “Did you want any Mischa? We can go somewhere else if you want.”

“No it’s fine, I just didn’t bring any money with me that’s all.”

“You can share mine.”

“Noel, it’s fine, besides you said you haven’t eaten all day.” Mischa is trying to avoid eye contact with Noel, kicking dirt with his feet. Noel, noticing, walks over, gently placing his hand on Mischa’s chin, lifting his head up so their eyes meet. 

“‘ It’s fine,’ you always say that, but things aren’t fine. You're having some of mine whether you like it or not.” Noel wanders around trying to find a table to sit at, Mischa trailing after him holding the Funnel cake.

Noel splits the Funnel cake in half, Mischa takes it and quickly stuffs his mouth. “Do you want to talk about… can we talk about what happened last night and, if you want, what happened with your parents and the adoption ‘stuff’” 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you by the way, um, my ‘father’s’ name wasn’t on a document so we had to get that change, but I was ‘a pain in the ass’ I guess so I was yelled at the entire drive back to their house. I didn’t feel like going to school because I shut down after that and locked myself in the basement.”

“And last night?”

“Noel… I like you, but I’ve never felt that way about…”

“A guy?”

“Yeah. I guess I just need some time to figure some things out and I don’t know if I’m ready not to be in a relationship at all.”

“I’m here if you ever want to talk, Mischa, and I like you too. Now do you want to go play some games? I brought fifty bucks.”

“That would be great. Can we go to the shooting gallery?”

On the way to the shooting gallery Noel got an ice cream, mint chocolate chip; his favourite, with two spoons.

“I don’t know if I should be worried that you know how to shoot so well or if I should be impressed,” Noel says, holding onto three stuffed animals while Mischa wins another jackpot. 

“Be impressed, I just won you four stuffed animals.”

“You won them for me? Thanks. Nobody’s ever really done something like that for me.”

“There you two are, we’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Ocean nearly screams, Constance running up to them.

“We were just getting food and now we’re here.”

“Constance tried to go on the Cyclone but it was closed for maintenance so we went to the bumper cars, I got to run someone over .”

“Okay?...”

Mischa grabs his final stuffed animal, walking up behind Noel, wrapping his arm around him. “Thanks for asking me to come.”

“Constance and I were gonna go find Ricky and get some food, did you want to come? We know you already ate.

“I think me and Noel are gonna wander around a little bit more.”

“We are?” Noel says, almost dropping the stuffed animals.

“Yeah, I thought we could… after we put those in the car.”

* * *

“How much money do you have left?”

“Just enough for two tickets.”

“Keep all limbs, appendages in the carriage at all times. I don’t get paid enough for this so, don’t be dumbasses.”

Noel and Mischa get locked into the ride, it jolts to life a couple seconds later.

“I haven’t been on many Ferris wheel’s before.”

“You’re gonna love it, it’s my favourite ride, and when you get to the top you can see the entire carnival.” 

As their carriage reaches the top of the ride Mischa isn’t looking at the carnival, he can’t get past Noel’s face. The light of the carnival lighting it up like last night.

“Noel… Can I kiss you?”

Noel doesn’t answer, he just leans in, pressing his lips softly on Mischa’s. Noel pulls back but Mischa pulls him back in, placing his hand on Noel’s back. A small moan escapes Noel’s mouth, causing Mischa to lean in more wanting every part of Noel. Noel runs his hand along Mischa’s back, running and tangling it in his hair.

“A bit cliche that we kissed on the top of the Ferris wheel isn’t it?” Mischa says, lips still pressed against Noel’s

“Shut up,”  Noel says before leaning in for one last kiss.

Chapter Text

Noel and Mischa are sitting on the couch, Mischa’s head lying in Noel’s lap a cover covering them both, watching The Blue Angel . “Noel, I’m sorry but this movie is tragic.”

“That’s kind of the point. I mean she’s a hooker in the 1920’s so it’s not exactly a walk in the park.”

“Walk in the park?  What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know. I guess… easy.”

“You Canadians are weird.”

“Hey!” Noel pushes Mischa, “We may be weird but you're the one that decided to date one.”

“Speaking of which,” Mischa turns his head, placing a small kiss on Noel’s thigh.

“Careful, my mom’s in the other room. I mean she’s known I was gay since I was born but I don’t need her being woken up by our loud and incredibly erotic moaning.”

“Oh so you do want me to make you make that noise again, I thought just the Ferris wheel was enough for you, I mean it was only two hours ago.”

“Fuck you.”

“I thought you liked that though.”

Noel's face blushes bright red before he pushes Mischa off of him and into a messy kiss. “Maybe I do.”

Mischa’s on top of Noel, sucking kisses into his neck, slipping his shirt off. “Wanna?”

“Fuck yes!”

Mischa’s still kissing his neck, Noel’s back arches, a small moan escaping. Noel brings Mischa back up, kissing him and tangling his hand in his hair. He wants all of Mischa right now. “Can I take your shirt off?” Mischa goes silent, pulling away from Noel.

“Shit. Sorry, I didn’t mean to if-”

“Noel it’s not that it’s… I’m trans.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“You don’t care?”

“Mischa, why would I care? I see you as a boy , a hot boy. Now can I take your shirt off?

“Yeah, uhm, I’m just wearing a binder that’s all.” 

“Okay, well, we can work around it I guess.”

“Now please, Mischa, you’re going to kill me.”

Mischa almost rips his shirt off, tossing it to the side. “You’re the first person I’ve told I was trans, besides my mom.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Mischa leans back into Noel pinning his arms back against the couch, his tongue parting Noel’s lips. Mischa moves one of his hands, brushing against Noel’s chest as he finds his way to his waist, exploring every curve. With his hand free Noel goes to unbutton Mischa’s jeans, “Noel, can we just stay… like this, I don’t know if I’m ready for anything more yet.”

“Yeah, totally. Just let me know if you ever feel uncomfortable.” Noel pecks him on the forehead before slipping his fingers in between Mischa’s. Before Mischa can react he’s pinned under Noel.

Noel leans back in, kissing him one more time, lingering on his lips and cuddles up with Mischa.

* * *

Noel’s still in Mischa’s arms when they wake up, “Morning,” Mischa says in between placing kisses on the nape of Noel’s neck. 

“Morning you two.”

“JESUS CHRIST. Mom, a little warning please.”

“Oh, I thought loudly banging pots and pans was enough, guess not.”

Mischa quickly releases Noel walking over to his mother, “Good morning Miss Grubber, I’m-”

“Mischa.”

“Yeah?”

She looks over Mischa’s shoulder and loudly whispers to Noel, not trying to hide her voice, “Noel, sweaty, if you're going to have someone over please tell me. He’s polite so I don’t care too much.” She turns back to Mischa hugging him, her hands staying on his shoulders, “Now, Mischa, you make sure my son treats you right, don’t take any of his bullshit.”

“Mom! I’m right here!”

“I know. Now do you two want me to make you some breakfast before school?”

Mischa blurts out, “Yes please!”

“Noel?”

“I’m good, Mom.”

Mischa returns to the couch, sitting next to Noel holding his hand, exploring it, while waiting for Noel’s mom to finish breakfast.

“I hope it’s okay, we don’t have much right now, I made you some toast and scrambled eggs.”

“Thanks.”

Noel Joins Mischa at the table stealing some of his toast. “You could have asked your mom to make you some.”

“But I didn’t want some toast I wanted your toast.”

Noel’s mom kisses Noel’s head, hugging him, “See you tonight baby. Mischa?”

“Huh”

“Are you staying the night again? I have no problem. I just need to know if I need to make extra dinner.”

Mischa glances back at Noel receiving a “Well?”

“Um yeah, I’m probably gonna stay the night again, if it’s okay.”

“We’d be happy to have you. Alright, I’m off to work, Noel… Mishca, don’t skip school”

“Bye, mom.”

“Bye, Miss.”

“Well, that was …strange.”

“Your mom’s nice. Do you want me to get the car started?”

“Oh my god, are you going to drive me to school? What a gentleman.”

…

“Are we… you going to be okay with people knowing we’re together?”

“Noel I could fucking care less what those assholes think, I like you and I want you and everyone else to know that.”

“I want them to know too.” Noel squeezes Mischa’s thigh before going back to staring out the window.

Mischa pulls into a parking spot somewhat far from the entrance to the school, sighing before putting the car into park. Noel takes Mischa’s hand into his lap finding every vein and bone, exploring. “You ready for today?”

“Nope.” Micha leans over and pecks Noel, kicking open the car door and hopping out, grabbing Noel’s bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

Noel chases after Mischa, “Wait, give me my bag.”

“I was gonna carry it for you.”

“Oh, well in that case keep it.” Noel slips his hand into Mischa giving him a small smile before resting his head on Mischa’s shoulder.

They find Ricky first, or rather he finds them. He signs “You two are cute together!” before walking into his class.

They stop outside Noel’s first period, leaning up against the lockers, hugging and occasionally kissing.

“I never guessed Mischa was gay .” a person passing whispers loudly to their friends.

“I'm bisexual.” Mischa flips them off as they turn around not expecting him to have heard them.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I just thought things were better after Macklemore dropped Same Love.”

“Huh”

“Same Love.”

Noel gives Mischa a confused look, “Sure.”

Noel kisses Mischa one more time before slipping into his class, and waving goodbye.

“So Noel-”

“Jesus Christ! Hello Ocean.”

“So… Mischa… that was quick. Wasn’t expecting you to be swapping spit particles so quickly.”

“I swear to god Ocean,” he says under his breath, “ Neither did I . Now what did you want.”

“Can’t a girl just say hi to her friend in the morning?”

“No. You don’t care that much about my love life. Come to think of it you don’t care that much about me either. So, I repeat, what did you want.”

“Can-I-copy-your-homework, Constance wanted me to ask you if Mischa wanted to eat lunch with us.”

“One, I’ll see about Mischa. Two, why do you need to copy my homework you always get yours done.”

“Constance and I were up all night and I wasn’t able to do it.”

“Seams like I wasn’t the only one swapping spit particles. Whatever Ocean I honestly don’t care.”

“Thanks… By the way, number two is wrong.”

“ Thanks.”

* * *

Mischa’s already outside Noel’s class by the time the bell rings. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“What do you have next?”

“French.”

“Wanna skip”

“God yes, I swear if I have to listen to Ocean yap anymore I’m going to drag her back to hell myself.” Mischa chuckles pulling Noel into a kiss before grabbing his wrist and running off.

“Do you know where you’re going?”

“Under the stage.”

“How do you… Nevermind.”

Mischa flicks his lighter on trying to find the light switch, he still has to run his hands along the wall to find it.

“I missed you.”

“We saw each other an hour ago.”

“Am I not allowed to miss you?”

“No, I’m the one who should miss you.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah.” Mischa leans into Noel holding his hands, giving him a kiss.

“I stashed some wine down here.”

“The communion wine?”

“Yeah, you want?”

“Why not.” Noel slumps down next to Mischa whose already downed a third of a bottle and has pulled up a mat to sit on. He pulls the bottle away from Mischa’s mouth and makes him turn to look at him. Noel sets the bottle down and leans into Mischa. He kisses him, some of the alcohol still in his mouth dripping out.

 “I love the way you taste.”

“Yeah? Try some more.”

Mischa places a hand on Noel’s hip, pulling him closer, parting his lips with his thumb, drunkenly kissing him even more. Noel’s tongue slips into his mouth wanting to taste more of the wine… of Mischa.

“I know you wanted some time to figure things out but… did you want to take this further .”

“I would love that.” Mischa pulls Noel on top of him, tangling his hand in Noel’s hair, “I want you to lead.”

Noel slips his shirt off messily, while still kissing Mischa, taking Mischa’s shirt off afterwards. “Do you want to keep your binder on?”

“Yeah, sorry if it’s in the way.”

“Hey… it’s not, I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I am.” Mischa kisses Noel’s neck, a moan escaping, he moves down, gently placing kisses along his chest, tasting him, wanting to absorb every part of Noel.

“Mischa-” he’s cut off before he can finish as Mischa unbuckles his pants, slowly teasing the zipper down. “Mischa-”

“Mhmm.”

“I love how you make me feel, this feels so good I never want you to stop.”

“So you want to keep going?”

Noel moans again, his back arching from the number of sensations, as Mischa licks right above Noel's underwear, teasing him, making him want more .

“You’re gonna kill me, Mischa, come on just do it already.”

“I guess you’re gonna have to die then.” Mischa moves back up to Noel’s lips, slipping back into them, tugging on Noel’s underwear.

Noel moves down Mischa feeling his back, every curve, every jagged edge, working around his binder, kissing his collarbone. He carefully slips Mischa’s pants off tossing them to the side as he kicks off his own. “Right now you’re mine. All mine .”

...

Noel breaks away from Mischa, protesting, returning with a box of tissues. Mischa’s curled up when he returns, Noel kisses him on the forehead before spreading him out and cleaning him up, eventually cleaning himself when he’s done with Mischa.

“Thank you… I love you,” Mischa says, pulling Noel down and spooning him, rubbing along his back.

“I love you too.” Noel turns around, intertwining his hand with Mischa and places kisses all over Mischa’s face, lips, chest…"

Chapter Text

Mischa pulls into the driveway of his house, a sudden jerk stopping the car, the slowly dimming light of the setting sun reflecting off the rearview mirror casting spots of orange and pink across his body. The porchlight is on and his adopted parent’s car is pulled right up against the garage door as if they almost hit it. Something’s not right, they’re never home this early.

By the time he reaches the door, it’s unlocked and he can hear the screaming of his adopted parents inside. He slowly opens the door, not knowing if he’s trying to sneak by and avoid them or whether he’s gradually ripping off a bandage. But the moment his foot crosses the threshold he’s met with.

“Where the hell have you been, the car has been missing for hours!” A shrill hits him almost blasting his eardrums out.

So you care more about a car than me?! до біса, мені вже байдуже.  

“I was at my boyfriend's house, dropping him off from school. Not that you need to know. Your precious shitty car is back! You happy?”

“Don’t talk to your mother that way-”

“ Mother! ” Mischa scoffs, throwing his backpack down on the floor, “She will never be my mother. You will never replace what I had in Ukraine.”

“Get out of my house!”

The last thing Mischa says before slamming the door shut is, “Fuck you. Fuck you all.”

* * *

Noel’s awoken to a knocking on his door, a soft, tired… knocking. “Mischa what the fuck it’s like 2 am.”

Mischa’s standing at the edge of the steps, the porch light illuminating the dried streaks of tears. “Shit. What happened?”

Mischa just collapses onto Noel. Almost buckling under Mischa’s weight, Noel drags him up the steps while trying to keep his bag from falling off his shoulder and onto his bed. Mischa never really falls asleep, he just sits there, staring at the moonlight cascading in from the cracks in the curtains until that moonlight turns to sunlight.

“Morning. Morning. Morning!” Noel’s placing kisses on the nape of Mischa’s neck, slowly pulling him into a tighter and tighter hug.

“Oh. Um, Morning.”

“What’s up? You okay?”

“After last night, no.”

“Did you want to talk?” Mischa turns around, kissing Noel before sitting up against the headboard and shaking his head.

“Oh Mischa, when did you get here?”

“He came last night Mom, after you went to bed… he’s just had a shit night so.”

“Well I’m sorry Mischa, it was nice to have you over for dinner before though.” Mischa smiles- shakily.

The world seems to buzz around Mischa, Noel leaving him with a parting kiss… to brush his teeth, Noel’s mom leaving after lunch for work. He’s only broken out of his trance of sadness when Noel pokes him in the cheek. “Hey!”

“Hey.”

“You’ve been more mopy than usual, what’s up?”

“Just got shitty parents.”

“Alright come on.” Noel tries, and fails, to lift Mischa out of the bed.

“Whyyy, it’s sleep time.”

“It’s two in the afternoon and you’ve been in bed all day so I’m getting you up.”

“You’re not gonna leave me alone till I get up aren’t you.”

“Nope!” Noel says trying to heave Mischa up one last time before Mischa admits defeat and sits up. 

“I set some clothes out for you already. I wasn’t sure what you wanted to wear so I just picked something close to something you’ve worn before.” 

Mischa gets up, inspecting the clothes, delicately folded at the end of the bed, he’s pretty sure Noel’s only folded the clothes for him as his closet’s a mess. He begins to slip his shorts off, Noel turns away hoping Mischa doesn’t see him blushing. “You’re allowed to look, nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Noel throws the shorts at Mischa giving him the middle finger before he gets up to hug him from behind, head resting on Mischa’s shoulder, glancing at Mischa’s body in the mirror.

“I can’t believe you’re my boyfriend.”

Mischa chuckles as he tosses his curls around hoping they’ll settle in a place he likes.

“Are we gonna do something? You wouldn’t drag me out of bed, especially your bed, if you didn’t have something planned, right? Right?!”

“Not really, I mean, we can do something, You just looked sad and so I wanted to distract you.”

“You mean I could still be sleeping right now!” Mischa tries to climb back into Noel’s bed but is pulled back into a kiss. Noel tangles his hands in Mischa’s hair, messing up whatever styling he did. Mischa breaks away, just enough, to fall backwards onto the bed, Noel falling with him.

“I know it sounded like I was angry, I wasn’t, thanks for getting me out of bed and making me get changed.”

“Just shut up and kiss me.”

“Wait, did you get me up just so you could kiss me?”

“Maybe…” Noel moves from Mischa's lips to his neck, placing kisses on it as Mischa throws his head back. “I-” kiss, “love-” kiss, “you.”

Noel slips his shirt off as he kisses Mischa, their tongues intertwining. Eventually, Mischa is resting on Noel’s chest, placing kisses on it as Noel’s on his phone texting Constance.

“She wants to meet up, she’s invited us to pizza night.”

“Aww, she's spoiling my fun, I want to spend the rest of the day here with you.”

“We can spend the rest of the day together just not here. She said we have to be there before 4:30 or they’re ordering the pizza without us.”

“Fine.”

“Can you text my mom and tell her we’ll be at Constance’s for dinner, I have to put my shirt back on.

* * *

“Mischa I swear to god I will drag you out of this house if I have to. We have 30 minutes until we have to be there!”

“But I like kissing you, I feel like that's a good excuse.” Noel throws Mischa’s hoodie at him, nearly missing his head, before dragging him off the bed and out the front door.

The air was almost damp; the leaves had all turned brown and most were starting to fall. A sliver of sunshine was slowly starting to sink behind the mountains outside of their small shitty town. Mischa was getting pulled along by the link of his fingers intertwined with Noel’s as he kicked the small gravel on the side of the train tracks, which hadn’t been used since the uranium mines closed.

“Why are we on the train tracks again?”

“It’s the fastest way to Constance’s house without weaving through a bunch of different streets.” Noel stops to let Mischa catch up glancing nervously, letting words start to slip out before he snaps his mouth shut. Finally, he lets out a sigh, “What happened?”

“With what?”

“Last night, Mischa, what happened?”

“Why did you show up on my doorstep at 2 am in tears?” Noel pulls him into a hug while still trying to walk. “Please, Mischa… I want to know what happened, it won’t change anything. I still love you, I will always love you. I just want to know what happened.” Noel wipes away a tear forming at the edge of Mischa’s eye.

“They ambushed me.”

“Who?”

“My adopted parents.”

“The moment I walked the door. I don’t even remember what they said or what happened. They just wanted their stupid car back they didn’t even care about me. Their first thought wasn’t ‘Is Mischa okay?’ ‘What happened to you why are you so late?’ It was ‘Where have you been, the car’s been gone for hours!’”

“Mischa I’m so sorry that happened.”

“It’s fine.” He says kicking another rock, sending it flying into the trees.

“No it’s fucking not, Mischa, that was not okay what they did. If you need anything just ask, please, if you want to stay at my house you can.”

“Please?”

“Yeah, I’ll have to ‘ask’ my mom but she’ll say yes anyway, it's more of just letting her know that you're staying than asking her if you can.”

* * *

Ocean throws up the door, quickly dragging them inside the house. “Well hello to you two.” Ocean scurries off without a scoff as her only response. 

“Hey, you two,” Constance says, sitting at the kitchen counter, covering the microphone of the phone held to her ear before quickly returning to the call.

“Hello Constance-”

“Is two pepperonis and a cheese okay?” Ocean spits out.

“Yeah, although that’s a lot of food.”

“Six people are coming and besides we’ve never had your boyfriend,” she scowls at Mischa, “We don’t know how much he eats.”

“Whose the sixth?” Noel leans into Mischa who removes his hands from being tucked in his pockets to wrap around Noel to catch him.

“I don’t know Ricky’s bringing someone.”

By the time the doorbell rings, the pizza has already arrived and, as suspected by Ocean, Mischa has already finished a piece and started on the next. “Oh my god, finally !”

“Hey Ricky!” Noel waves as he walks into the kitchen, a girl following behind him. 

Constance and Ocean sit back at the counter letting Ricky and his guest, whose stark white hair is now shimmering in the light, group in front of them like they’re a panel of judges.

“So who's this?” Constance signs.

As if on cue she steps out with a little wave, “Oh! I’m Penny, Ricky was showing me around the school, I’m new, and he said I could come with him, I don’t really have many friends… any friends right now. Anyway! That got dark quick. I see you got pizza, may I?”

“Oh um… Yeah,” Ocean pushes the box away from Mischa, with a glace telling him he’s had enough, and towards Penny.

As Constance flicks through a box of DVD’s Mischa plops himself on the couch with Noel who promptly cuddles up with him, his head resting on Mischa’s lap. “Are you two gonna take up the entirety of the couch?”

“Yes.” They both respond immediately.

 Ricky settles onto a chair in the corner as Penny sits on the armrest not sure where to go.

“So… Penny… where’d you come from?” Ocean says, trying to break the silence as Constance clicks in a DVD.

“What? Oh, I used to live on a farm- cult- thing, but I just moved into a foster home.”

“Oh, cool…”

“Do you want my hoodie?”

“What.”

“You’re shivering in my lap.”

“Yeah… and I'll take some of your body heat as well.” Noel sits up, roughly slips Mischa’s hoodie on and goes back to being huddled up right next to him. “I swear you’re like a human furnace. I hope you know I’m stealing this by the way.”

“Oh I know, but we’re going back to the same house so it doesn’t matter anyway.”

“Are you two gonna flirt through the entire movie?”

“It’s not my fault you put on Donnie Darko I swear you’re turning into a film nerd.”

“It’s my parents who are film nerds that was the closest to an actually known movie I could find.”

Ocean pauses the movie and quickly turns on the lights, “Constance, I love you, but nobody’s gonna want to watch this.”

“That’s fair. Let’s play truth or dare!”

“Isn’t that a bit cliché to do at a party?”

“Oh come on it’ll be fun.” She eagerly grabs an empty bottle and pushes the coffee table to the side.

“Ugh fine ,” Noel drags himself off the couch and onto the floor, still clinging to Mischa.

“I’ll go first I guess.” Noel grabs the bottle and spins it with a whirl, it stops on Ocean.

“Truth or dare, Ocean?”

“Truth.”

“Uhm, Oh, What the most trouble you’ve gotten into?”

“I don’t know why the hell would you ask that?”

“I need blackmail, now fess up that’s the game .”

“Fine, I may or may not have cheated on a test back in 8th grade.”

“ Really . That’s the worst thing you’ve done… you know I thought it was an act but you really are sweet as fucking pie.”

“I guess I’ll go next.” Noel reluctantly passes the bottle to Ocean.

Mischa.

“Truth or dare.”

“ Truth .”

“How was Noel’s dick.” Mischa goes bright red, choking on a cough.

“What the fuck Ocean, what is your problem.”

“It’s truth or dare, live a little .”

“Fuck you-”

“But you already fucked Mischa.” Noel almost punches Ocean but decides just to leave instead, he rushes up the stairs and into a bathroom; wanting to scream and cry at the same time. Knock . 

“Ocean I swear to god- Oh. Mischa” Mischa crashes their bodies together wrapping him in a tight hug, drowning out the incoherent screaming from the floor below.

Mischa and Noel return a few minutes later, Mischa having calmed Noel down… with a few kisses. 

Constance is waiting at the stairs, arms wrapped around Ocean, restraining her. “What do you want?”

“I just- I wanted- I wanted to say sorry . I was being an asshole and taking some anger out on you, that wasn’t fair of me.”

“You know I think that’s the first time I heard ‘sorry’ come out of your mouth. But fine, whatever.”

Penny’s still sitting on the armrest of Ricky’s chair when everyone returns, only shes bouncing her knee fidgeting the bottle in her hand, signing with the other.

“Penny you can sign?!” Constance almost screams as she walks into the living room.

She jumps almost falling off the side of the chair, “Oh, yeah, I’ve been able to since I was five.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Yeah, uhm, my grandfather was deaf and I just taught him some signs and eventually became fluent with him. He was the only person I really liked on the farm. Anyway you ready?” She jolts up from her seat next to Ricky with the bottle.

“Yeah,” Noel says yanking Mischa down onto the floor so he can have a headrest, and maybe some kisses.

Constance .

“Truth or dare?”

“Dare, I guess.”

“I dare you, to show us ugly baby photos of yourself.”

“That’s evil!” Noel says as his laughing turns into a cough.

“What? I saw the pictures on the wall and couldn’t think of anything else.” Constance leaves and returns a few minutes clutching a photo in her arms.

“I don’t want to show it.”

“Truth or dare baby and you chose dare.”

“It can’t be that bad sugar cloud,” Ocean gives an encouraging smile, “Now show us!”

“What do you mean you look bad you look so cute!”

“How is that your worst baby photo.”

“It’s the worst one I could find, I’m sorry.”

“Well, that was a bust, I wanted blackmail.”

“I guess it’s my turn now right?” She tosses the photo to the side carefully so it lands face down.

Ricky.

He’s caught off guard, removed gazing mindlessly at his lap, twiddling with his thumbs. “Huh.”

“Truth or dare?” Constance says with a bubbly expression.

“Truth.”

“What’s one thing you haven’t told us yet?”

His eyes dart to Penny, giving her a look of panic. She returns a confused look before her eyes light up, almost as if she’s asking, ‘Do you really want to?’ As if he could read her mind, he returns a nod before taking a deep breath and adjusting himself so he can sign better.

“I’ve been needing to tell you guys something for a while now. I’ve been… figuring some stuff out about myself recently and I think I should finally tell you guys about it.”

Noel roughly signs “Hold on!” “Constance, or Penny, can one of you translate? Mischa can’t sign and I only know some signs.”

“I’ll translate. If that’s okay?” She looks at Ricky and squeezes his hands.

He nods. Penny moves to be with the rest of them so she can read his hands. She gives him a small smile and a nod.

“I’ve felt different than everyone else for as long as I’ve been alive. Part of that comes with being disabled in an ableist world… but… there’s another part of myself that feels different… and until a few weeks ago I didn’t realise what that meant.” He pauses . For a while. “I’m a girl. I’m trans I should say. -and I want to go by Savannah now.”

They all immediately rush over to her chair and engulf her in a giant hug. “Thanks for telling us!” Constance squeezes her even harder as she’s also squeezed by everyone else.

“Yeah! Thanks for telling us. We’re always here for you no matter what if you just need to talk or anything really.”

“I’m really sorry to ruin this lovely moment guys, but it's eleven o’clock and I have to be home in like fifteen minutes.”

“Ocean I don’t care you can hug with us for a few more minutes.”

* * *

Everyone clears out after Ocean leaves, Constance waving goodbye to everyone from her doorstep.

“Well, tonight was eventful,” Mischa says passing Noel his coat

“It was wasn’t it.”

“Shit my parents.”

“You had so much fun you forgot about the outside world, didn’t you? Don’t worry Mischa we’ll get through this together, my mom already said you can stay over as long as you want.”

“She did?”

“Yeah, I was texting her during the party. She said it was completely fine.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s okay, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Noel kisses him as the light from Constance's house fades farther and farther away.

Chapter Text

“Hey.”

“Hey. How was work?”

“ Eliminating . Some guy ordered seven burritos and three large drinks… and I messed up two of the burritos so I had to remake them. Sorry, I feel like I’m dumping on you.” 

“You’re good.”

* * *

Mischa pulls up next to Noel’s trailer staring blankly at it. Noel grabs his bag absent-mindedly and gets out not realising Mischa isn’t following him. 

“-isha. Mischa! Mischa!” Mischa snaps back into reality, his eyes focusing. 

“Huh?” Noel unbuckles his seat belt and pulls him out of the car and into a hug, kicking the door closed behind him.

“You okay? You seem… distraught.”

“Yeah. I’m just tired. I haven’t slept well ,” he meant to say ‘at all,’ “in days.”

Almost as if he can sense Mischa’s half-truth Noel shoots him a look.

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” Mischa leans in for a kiss before walking into the trailer.

Noel rushes back to the car, after taking a minute to process, to grab his bag and notices a small leather-bound notebook resting on the driver's side door. He leans over and grabs it, opening it to the first page; Mischa’s Songs. He flips through the pages eventually landing on a page titled This Song is Awesome . After skimming the song he flips a few more pages landing on a page that only holds a few words My divine Noel. He wishes there were more words. He tucks the book back into the car door and walks into the trailer.

“What’s up you okay?”

“Yeah, just forgot my bag in the car.” Noel sits beside Mischa on the couch, cuddling up next to him, “You know… I thought… maybe I could cook you dinner tonight.”

“Do you know how to cook?”

“Are you seriously doubting my cooking ability right now? I’ll let you know I haven’t burnt food in six months.” They both burst out in laughter.

“What are you cooking anyway?”

“...Piroshki… and maybe Nalysnyky for dessert.”

“Oh my God! How did you know Piroshki are my favourite?” 

“You may have mentioned it a few weeks ago.” Mischa pulls Noel into a kiss, their lips crashing together.

“Thank you.” Noel pulls him back in; parting his lips; slipping his tongue in.

Mischa traces Noel’s chest under his shirt, slipping it over his head. Noel stops him before he can remove his lips from Noel’s mouth, “Do you want me to cook you dinner or not?”

 “It can wait…” Mischa moves down Noel’s neck, gently sucking bruises into it, “I want to fuck you so bad right now.”

“Then why don’t you?”

Mischa moves his hand to unzip Noel, grazing along his underwear, teasing him, making Noel beg. He slips his hand into Noel’s underwear, his back arcing at the first touch, Mischa steadily moves up and down Noel, whose nails dig into his back with every stroke. “I fucking love you.”

Noel rubs Mischa back, tracing it, writing poetry into the lines of his skin. “I wanna stay in this moment forever but I do have to make dinner.”

“Ugh, fine.”

Noel leaves him with a kiss as Mischa turns to watch him cook, eventually getting up when the smell wafting over becomes unbearable. He hugs Noel from behind, who’s stirring a pan of meat and vegetables, placing kisses along his nape. “Are you going to stay attached to me for the rest of the time I’m cooking?”

“And a little after, yeah.”

Noel kisses him, “Can you grab me the salt? …Thanks.” Noel finishes cooking and starts to roll out the dough, stuffing it with the meat and vegetables with help from Mischa who he had to convince (kiss) to do so. “Just crimp the sides and put it on the tray and I’ll bake it when I’m done with the rest.”

“These are so-so-so good!”

“You helped too. I can’t take all the credit… even though I did most of the cooking.”

“No! Darling, you deserve all the credit, thank you… for this.”

“Did you just call me darling ?” Noel’s face turns bright red from his blushing, and his speech gets flustered. “Maybe I will take all the credit.”

Mischa places his hand in Noel’s, the edge of his mouth peaking up in a small smile, “You should. …Come on.”

Mischa leads Noel to the centre of the living room, and starts to play a song, a waltz, on his phone, setting it on a side table before taking Noels hand and waist. He leads Noel, who is in a state of shock, partly because he's dancing with Mischa and partly because Mischa knows how to ballroom dance.

“How do you-”

“My mom, we used to dance together when I was little, she taught me. She used to dance in competitions, had an entire corner of our apartment dedicated to trophies.” Mischa’s joy slips to a tear.

“Do you miss her?”

“Yeah-” Noel pulls him into a hug as he starts to cry.

“Sorry, I’m getting you all snotty.”

“You’re allowed to cry, and I don’t care about this shirt anyway, it's already got flour on it, I can wash it later.”

Noel cradles Mischa on the couch, who’s distracted by some late-night show that’s slowly lulling him to sleep. “Tell me about your mom,” Noel brushes his hand through Mischa’s hair carefully running through any tangles.

“She always wanted me to have a better life, wanted to always see me happy. We used to go to a small bakery under our apartment when I was young, on Saturday mornings they always had Kartoshka and we would buy a few, and just sit in the front window and eat and talk. She would take me everywhere, we were inseparable, but I guess only living with your kid in a small apartment would do that. On my birthdays she would always bake me a Kyiv cake and put the number of candles of the age I was turning on top. But then she got sick and we both just crashed. She forged my birth certificate to help me have a better life, the doctors said she was dying and she didn’t want me there to see it. But, I wish I was, even if it would have made me sadder, I wish I was able to say goodbye to her… to stand by her side in the last moments.”

“What was her name?”

“Tamara.”

“Do you know who your father is? Sorry if that’s a weird question.”

“No… No, it’s not. Um, yeah… She just… I never knew him. She never really told me about him other than she didn’t want me to see him. He did some bad things to her and she didn’t want me to go through the same things as she did.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“You aren’t the one who has to apologise… no one has to apologise really. I mean except for my adoptive parents, you haven’t done anything wrong, my life's been shitty sure but I can’t blame any single person for that. ”

“Love you.”

“Love you too-” Mischa says as he drifts off still cuddled next to Noel who’s soon also overtaken by sleep, the buzz of the TV drowning out the night.

Chapter Text

Ocean wakes up, her alarm clock blaring from her ‘hand-made’ wooden bedside table -her father tried carpentry once and it turned out… well it turned out.

She slowly opens her eyes to rays of sunlight peeking through the curtains, made from thrift store tablecloths, streaming through the room and casting spots on the various posters and nicknacks strewn throughout. She hobbles out of bed and goes to her closet, in search of her normal outfit, an only slightly political shirt and a pair of jeans. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, glancing at the hemp needlepoint sign above her toilet, she really needs to take that down at some point , as she puts up her hair in the usual half-up half-down with a headband, and brushes out her bangs.

An Up With People record plays faintly in the background as she sits on her bed reading over her English essay occasionally harmonising. After re-reading her essay several times to make sure she erased any errors the could possibly exist she moved over to her desk, grabbing a loosely strewn about St. Cassian uniform skirt and beginning to stitch closed a gash in the side. 

“Morning sweety.” Her dad says cracking open her door to peek in. 

“It’s eleven.” Ocean barely looks up from the skirt to acknowledge her father whose scent of weed is already drifting into the room. 

“Still morning in my book. Now common, eat some breakfast- or lunch- you’ve been in your room all morning you don’t want to end up looking like you have an eating disorder do you? What time did you wake up anyway?”

“8:30” She says as she passes a final stitch through the skirt making the previously there gash seem as if it never existed. “By the way, Constance is coming over before we leave for her birthday dinner.”

“I always tell you stop having such a strict schedule, waking up at 8:30, you’re going to start believing in material possessions soon. Anyway nice to have Constance around. Just let me know if you need a ride… Okay… bye…”

“Bye-dad.”

Ocean emerges from her room a few minutes later grabbing a small piece of bread her mom made a few hours before and a glass of water. She steps out of her secluded house onto the front stoop, the cold air hitting her face as she waits for Constance to arrive, sitting on the stairs. Texts from Constance light up her phone confirming she’ll be there in a few minutes as she observes the trees outside of her house. They frame the driveway almost as if it's a painting, winding into the trees until it’s no longer visible. The other houses on the farm are barely visible with trees and piles of leaves blocking the view. 

It takes an unusual amount of time for Constance to arrive though perhaps that’s because Ocean was waiting. Her mom pulls in leaving just enough time for Constance to say goodbye before she backs up and begins to drive away, waving to both of them as she leaves.

“Hey.” Ocean smiles as she walks over to Constance

“Hello, I missed you,” Constance says as she hands over a hot coffee from her family’s cafe, they must have just come from there. The opening shift usually ends around then.

Ocean leans into Constance, their lips pressing together, she can taste the lingering of the coffee on her mouth and the sweet undertones from the syrup she put in. “I don’t know how you do it but you always taste and smell amazing.”

“I taste amazing?”

“ Yeah? It’s a compliment.”

“I got that, thanks. Wait, you like my smell?”

“Every time I go over to your house I steal one of your sweaters and return it a few days later when they don’t smell like you anymore. I'm surprised it took you this long to catch on.”

Constance lets out a small giggle before leaning back in for a peck. Ocean places her arm around Constance, leading her into the warm embrace of her house and to her room.

Constance carefully removes her brown suede jacket, lined with soft white fur, and the pink and purple scarf Ocean made her and hangs them on the hook attached to Ocean’s door. She then sets Ocean and her drinks on the table next to the bed that’s covered with pillows and stuffed animals. Ocean sits down on her bed, taking out her inhaler hidden in the back of the drawer in her bedside table.

“You okay?” Constance says, sitting down next to her leaning her head on Ocean’s shoulder.

“Yep just preparing for the inevitable coughing fit I may have if one of my parents walks in after smoking… they still think medicine is designed to kill you and vaccines have microchips. You know… normal stuff people think about.”

“I’m sorry, want to escape.”

“Yeah, but I should be sorry, it’s your birthday and you have to deal with this crap.”

“Oce, I couldn’t care less, I with you on my birthday that's better than any present or cake could be.” Constance sweeps Ocean's hair out of her face before placing a small kiss on her cheek. “To be honest we should have seen this coming, I mean this is why we rarely meet at your house.”

Constance helps Ocean up both having silently agreed to leave, she helps Ocean into her hoodie before she puts on her own. Ocean goes to grab their coffees before grabbing a bright bag from her closet that's covered in orange, pink, and white flowers complete with a pink bow on the top and her backpack that she pre-packed with clothes and a backup inhaler so she can stay at Constance’s after the party.

“What’s that?”

“Your present.”

“Oh my god, can I see?”

“Not until the party, it’s a surprise.”

“Ugh, fine.”

Ocean and Constance slowly open the bedroom door, gripping each other's hands, looking to see if Ocean’s parents are near, hoping they can sneak out without being noticed. As soon as they reach the threshold of the living room they are engulfed in smoke with two human-shaped outlines sitting in the middle. One of them notices the pair, who have begun to cough as if they’re choking on their own lungs and moves closer to them, the smoke clearing to reveal her mother.

“Oh, Ocean. Stop pretending to cough so much, embrace it, soon you’ll see its healing,”

“Yeah, I’m not doing this today, good chat as always Mom, Constance let’s go.”

Ocean pulls Constance out the front door, both of them inflating their lungs with the fresh air. 

“Your house?”

“Yep”

With no acknowledgement of what had just happened, they both start walking. “Are your parents home?”

“No. They’re gonna be at the bakery until an hour before my party so they can set everything up, and I think my mom dragged my brother along with them.”

“Oce, you okay?”

Ocean seems to dodge the question, taking Constance’s hand in hers, “Can I stay at yours tonight?”

“Yeah, no problem.” Constance moves her hand to Ocean's waist, pulling her closer into a tight hug. “Are they always like that, your parents?”

“Pretty much yeah. It’s worse when they’re sober, like way worse, but they’re rarely sober so-”

“I’m sorry you have to deal with that, you can stay at mine for however long you want.” Constance leans in placing a small kiss on Ocean's cheek, continuing to walk hand and hand to her house.

“Thanks, Connie.”

* * *

Constance fumbles around with her key before she pushes the door to her house open, the smell of sugar pours out along with warmth. Constance places the spare key back under the pot next to the front door and hangs her and Ocean’s coats on the hooks next to the door. 

Ocean heads up to Constance's room to put her stuff down before she finds Constance in the kitchen making two cups of hot cocoa.

“Marshmallows?”

“Of course.” Ocean sits in the breakfast nook while watching her girlfriend carefully mix cocoa and put it in the microwave. 

Constance soon comes over and sits right next to Ocean, resting her head on Ocean’s shoulder, as she stares out the window to look at a deer in their backyard eating the food they put out with its faun.

“I’m sorry today was bad.”

“It’s okay Oce, and to be honest I didn’t think today was going to go perfectly.”

“I know but I promised we were going to have a good time before your birthday but I messed that up.”

“You didn’t mess anything up, if anything your parents did. I’ll text the choir we’re gonna be at my house just in case they come early.”

They both finish their cocoa and soon head up to Constance’s room. “Okay, what do you want to do?”

“Wanna watch Spirited Away while I crochet.”

“I would love nothing less.”

Ocean sifts through Constance’s box of DVD’s which have since been organized and she pulls out Spirited Away , carefully inserting it into the DVD player and then not so delicately hitting the player when it won’t start. 

“Maybe if you didn’t hit it it would start.”

“Shut up.” Ocean lets out a small laugh.

“You know I’m right.”

“But I thought I was always right.”

“I can’t with you.” Constance chucks a stuffed animal at Ocean. It hits the player and soon the player boots to life. 

“See, sometimes hitting things makes them work.”

“ Exactly … Sometimes .”

Ocean cuddles up with Constance who’s already managed to tangle her yarn together. “What are you making?”

“Well it was going to be a moth blanket for Penny to welcome her to the group, and to pre-apologize to her for our groups… bullshit but that may not happen if I can’t get this knot untangled.” 

“You’re so sweet.”

“You too.” Ocean pulls Constance closer to her leaning in to kiss her, Constance drops her yarn and hook as she leans in as well deepening the kiss. Ocean removes Constance's glasses, placing them on her nightstand.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Ocean interlocks their hands as she leans into Constance, their lips touching. 

Constance grazes her fingers along Ocean's arm as she pulls Ocean into her wanting the kiss to last forever.

“Constance, Ocean, are you in here?” Penny obliviously walks into Constance's room. “Oh shit. Sorry!” She quickly shuts the door, and stands in the hallway, frozen from embarrassment.

Ocean and Constance emerge a few seconds later. “Hey Penny, sorry you had to see that… um… you didn’t tell us you were coming over.”

“You must have not seen it, I texted the group chat. Savannah said she was going to be here early and so I was going to meet up with her and help decorate but I guess I got here even earlier than her.”

“Oh, sorry we didn’t see that.” Ocean rubs the back of her neck still looking at the ground embarrassed.

“I figured as much.”

“Anyway, you came to help set up?” Constance chimes in quickly trying to pivot the conversation to something else.

“Yeah I had nothing else to do so I just thought maybe I should help out.”

“We haven’t even thought of starting that so thank you for reminding us to do that, the decorations are in a box on the couch if you want to start unpacking them.”

Penny leaves them still in the hallway as she descends the stairs.

“Well that was-”

“Embarrassing,” Constance says as she goes to grab Ocean’s hand.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think she cares that much… Penny, I mean. I think she was just caught off guard. Don’t think too much about it Oce.”

“Yeah, I love you, have I told you that enough? No matter how many more embarrassing things we do, I love you Con.”

“You could stand to say it a few more times.” They hear a crash from downstairs followed by Penny yelling that she’s fine and rush down.

“Sorry, I was putting up a streamer and, well, it didn’t go well.” Penny was lying on the floor next to a step stool.

“Are you okay though?”

“Yeah, totally fine, just fell. I’ve already laid out all the decorations in loosely organized piles just let me know what you want to put up.”

Constance grabs a CD from her room and a boombox, blasting music from it as they begin to decorate the entirety of her house, they even manage to decorate her bathroom. By the end there are coloured lights all around the house with disco balls, clouds, streamers, and a cotton candy machine they pulled in from the garage.

“It looks lovely,” Penny says as the three admire their work.