Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Adam didn't get much sleep that night. Thoughts, feelings and sensations from the evening before plagued him to the point where he decided to get up and prepare for the day ahead.

So, what did he know about Lilith and Lucifer's little brat?

Even though he had seen her at least weekly since she came to Heaven, he certainly didn't know her very well. When she first got there he'd been curious and a bit wary - uncomfortable with being confronted with the result of their blasphemous union. Having seen her, though, he'd realized she was just a normal, scared little kid. A very pretty little girl - he had been relieved that she seemed to take more after Lilith than her fucking asshole dad. But as he didn't particularly enjoy hanging out with kids, and Lute wasn't the type to demand adult attention (unlike a certain Emily...), he never got to know her. He wasn't so sure anybody did, really. Emily maybe. Lute usually just sat in silence at the Sunday dinners, with an expression somewhere between stoic, annoyed and sad.

What else? Hmmm... well, she did play her namesake instrument very well, and also had a beautiful singing voice. Sera had made him come to a concert once where Lute and Emily, who played the lyre, had performed, and he had quite enjoyed their duet. Being a guitar guy himself, he had tried to talk to Lute about it after the concert, but Emily had come over and taken over the whole conversation...

She seemed to hate her parents and everything relating to Hell with a passion. Couldn't blame her for that. Of course, she could be faking it.... But then again, he knew that Sera had tried to have her stay in touch with her parents, but even as a very young child, she had refused to have anything to do with them. So that seemed sincere enough.

So, she hated Hell, she was musically inclined and oh, she knew how to use a knife! She was also pretty damn ruthless. Hell, that didn't sound half bad for an exorcist! He tried to push away the thought of her naked body, the feeling of her bare breast in his hand, her ass rubbing against his dick... He had to distract himself, think of something... someone else. Hmmm... Lilith? Why not, that was more appropriate.

"Good morning!" Adam greeted Lute, who was standing in front of him in his office, wearing a white robe similar to the one she had worn the night before. "So it looks like you got your way with this. But let me be clear: You're in the army now. You may be a princess, but here, you and your exorsisters will be treated equally. You are to follow my orders, and I will not take any shit from you. Is that clear?"

"Yeah," she said indifferently.

"That's yes, sir."

"Yes, sir," Lute said, a little smile forming on her lips, as if she was mocking his authority. Adam noticed and thought of chastising her, but ultimately decided against it.

"Good," he just said. "Well, princess, you will need to cut your hair." He imagined that would come as a shock to her, that she would hesitate, but with a quick movement, Lute pulled out her dagger, grabbed her hair behind her neck with her left hand, and severed it with her other hand.

"Whoa, you're really something else!" he exclaimed spontaneously, feeling a tinge of sadness as her beautiful thigh-long white hair fell to the ground.

"Is it short enough?" she asked, while her remaining hair fell into place. She looked so different with her hair like that. Still hot, though.

"Uhmm, yeah, that will do," he said. "Here's your uniform, you can ch..."

Before he finished the sentence, she had pulled the white robe she was wearing over her head, baring herself before him again, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Can you fucking stop doing that?!" he yelled. "You're supposed to change in the locker room, not in my fucking office!"

"Okay," she shrugged, already in uniform.

He sighed. "You ready?"

"Yes, sir".

"Good, let's go."

"So, ladies, this is Lute, she's our new recruit." Adam looked out on his girls and noticed some exorcists whispering. Fuck, he should have had more time to prepare them instead of having to do this in front of the poor kid. "As some of you might know, Lute is Hellborn. She was murdered as a small child, and has passed divine judgement just like the rest of us. You are to welcome her like you would any other sister. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Good." He turned to Lute. "If they give you any shit, just come and tell me, okay? he said softly. She gave him a quick nod, before joining the others.

Honestly, Lute hadn't thought about how the other exorcists would receive her. Now she nervously found a place, trying to keep her head high to not showcase any weakness. She was glad she had the mask to hide behind.

"Hi, I'm Glory." The exorcist next to her smiled friendly, or at least Lute thought so; it was hard to tell with those masks. She wondered how her mask displayed her own facial expression.

"Welcome to the Heavenly Host!" The girls standing closest to her greeted her, too, and Lute thanked them, feeling grateful that they seemed to accept her, despite her unfortunate background. She wondered how she'd be able to tell them apart; in uniform everyone looked the same. Lute tried to remind herself that she looked equally badass as their training session started, before her reflections had to give way to her full concentration on what lay ahead.

"So... how did you like your first day?" Adam asked. They were back in his office. Adam had thought about whether he should push the newcomer really hard in hopes that she would quit, or be lenient with her because he felt sorry for her. He had ended with something in between. Lute was terribly out of shape compared to his elite soldiers, but he had to give her credit for not giving up, and for how far she had pushed herself, even if the results were poor.

"I enjoyed it," she said dryly. "So... are you gonna fuck me now?"

"Wh... Excuse me??!!"

"I've been told that you fuck all your exorcists. Kind of like an entrance exam."

"Who the fuck told you that?!"

Lute shrugged. "It's common knowledge."

Damn, this was fucked! He tried to gather his thoughts. "Well, that's not gonna happen."

"Why not? Don't you find me attractive? People say I look like my mom. You found her attractive, didn't you?"

Was she playing with him, or was she seriously so socially off? It was hard to tell. She did certainly remind him of Lilith. But where Lilith would have held a smug smile, her daughter looked dead serious. There was no playfulness in her eyes. He sighed.
"You're a very pretty young girl, I'm sure you know that. But you're just a kid."

"I thought we agreed I was not?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine, not quite a child, then, and you needn't undress again, I know what you look like. You're still too young."

"I thought you fucked my mom when you were both like one day old or something? And wasn't it pretty much the same with Eve?"

"Well, that was different."

"How?"

"We were created as adults."

"I'm sexually mature."

She was starting to confuse him. He had always looked at Lute as a child; Sera treated her as such, and he was kind of like a distant uncle to her. Up until last night he had never even thought about looking at her that way. But now...?

"You may look like an adult, but you're still too young to understand the consequences of your actions."

"And you guys weren't? I'm sure you really thought that apple incident through."

"I'm not gonna fuck you, okay? You ARE too young, and Sera would fucking kill me! What's with this twisted behavior anyway? It's seriously disturbing! You're dismissed. Go home now."

She started to walk towards the door, then she turned to look at him.

"You are going to fuck me," she insisted.

"What is that, a threat?"

She shrugged. "I'm just stating a fact."

Then she walked out the door.

"So, how did the Hellspawn do?" Sera asked.

"Shit, Sera, that girl is such a pain in the ass! Why do I have to babysit her? She's your fucking responsibility!"

"What did she do?"

Damn, what was he gonna say? If he told Sera what had happened he would likely have to tell her about his escapades with his subordinates. He had a strong feeling she wouldn't approve of it...

"Uhm, well, she started to undress in front of me and shit. That little brat is unbearable, I'm telling ya! Haven't you taught her modesty?" He felt a bit bad for talking about Lute that way, especially since Sera seemed so vitriolic towards her, but it wasn't as if he was lying.

"I will make sure to address that when she gets home," Sera said coldly. "How did she do in training?"

"Well, she tried her best. Didn't cause any trouble there, at least."

"Good. You are to call me every day to report to me about that little troublemaker. Is that clear?"

"Fuck, Sera, I'm not gonna fuckin' spy for you!!"

"That's an order, Adam."

"Fine. Jesus!"

He hung up the phone. Fucking bitch.

"Lute, I just talked to Adam and he said you were a pain in the ass."

Lute had barely crossed the threshold to her home, before Sera started berating her. She shrugged indifferently, trying to keep her stoic demeanor, not letting Sera see how much she hurt her. Every muscle in her body seemed to be aching from the unusual exercise, her lungs felt like they had been turned inside out. This had been a lot harder than she expected. But she wouldn't allow herself to fail, and she wouldn't allow Sera to see her weakness.

The young girl's stone face provoked Sera even more.

"Look at me when I talk to you, devil spawn!" Sera snarled.

At that moment Emily entered the room.

"Lute, you're back!" she exclaimed with a big smile on her face. "Oh Gosh, your hair! It's so... short! You look really cute, though! Maybe I should cut my hair like that too? But, but, but, how was your first day? What did you do? Did you make any new friends? You have to tell me everything about it!"

She took Lute by her arm and led her to their shared bedroom, and Sera had to postpone her scolding session till later.

Chapter Text

"How dare you do this to me? Asshole!"

The door to his office had flung open and something or someone flew at him. Before Adam realized what was going on, he got bombarded by fists to his face and body. What the... Lute! She was the one attacking him. He tried to get a hold of her, but as that failed he slapped her hard across the face. She fell to the ground, clutching her cheek, sobbing.

"You hit me!" she cried, looking up at him with a hurt expression on her face.

"You fucking attacked me! What the fuck did you think would happen?! If you can't stand the heat, get out of the fucking fire!" Adam was pissed.

Lute lowered her head meekly. "Why won't you let me go to the Extermination?" she sobbed.

He drew his breath, trying to compose himself. "You're a hostage to Heaven. If we let you go down to Hell, then..."

"You think I would escape to Hell?" Lute asked, surprised. "You don't trust me?"

Adam shrugged. "It's really Sera who's most concerned about that. I agree with her decision, though. You're much too young and inexperienced to participate in the extermination."

"Please let me go," she begged. "I swear I won't make any trouble. I would never betray Heaven!"

"The decision's final," he said. "Why are you so stressed about it, anyway? You're still very young, you'll get your chance later. You've only been in the army for what, five months or something? You started out the worst recruit I ever had, and now you're not half bad. Why can't you just be proud of your progress, like I am?"

"Y-you are??" she said, looking at him in big-eyed surprise.

"Sure thing! Why do you look so surprised, doesn't Sera ever tell you that she's proud of you?"

Lute looked at him like he was crazy for a second or two, then she lowered her head. "Why would she say that? Lying is sinful." She drew her breath. "She always compares me to Emily. And I... can't be like her."

"No shit, who could be like fucking Emily, though? That kid's something else!"

"You said I was something else."

"Well, yeah, but you're something completely different from Emily."

"Something bad, right?" Lute looked down.

Adam bit his lip. "No. But she's like hot chocolate or something and you're like hot tamales or something. Do you understand?"

"Do you think she's pretty?"

"Who? Emily?! She's just a kid!"

"She's only one year younger than me."

"So - a kid!"

"But do you think she's pretty?"

He shrugged. "She's cute. In a plush-toy kind of way. Hey, Sera shouldn't be comparing you two like that, okay? But please promise me that you won't take that out on Emily..."

"Why would I take it out on Emily? It's Sera I..."

"Look, Sera was kind of like a mom to me and Lilith and Eve, too, you know. She didn't do a very good job, obviously!" Adam tried to laugh it off, lighten the atmosphere a bit. "Don't take it personally. She's just not... very good at it."

"When I was younger, I tried to do everything she wanted. I never talked back to her. I never disobeyed her. I thought that if I was good, then maybe... that maybe she would... But it was never right. It was never enough... When she schooled us, I usually did better than Emily, but it didn't matter. She made sure I never forgot where I was from, or who my parents were. If I have kids one day I would never treat them like that!"

Adam raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Kids? You know winners can't have kids, right?"

"What?" Lute looked horrified.

"You're dead. Dead people can't procreate. Haven't Sera told you that?"

"No!" Lute exclaimed, tears starting to form in her eyes again. "Well, thanks for that mom and dad, for ruining everything for me!" she said bitterly.

"Did you want to have kids some day?"

"Of course I did, why else would I be crying, asshole?!"

"Hey... if it's any comfort, having kids is not all it's made out to be."

"Well, I guess I'll never get to find out for myself," she snapped.

They stood in silence for a little while, Lute was sobbing quietly.

"Am I dismissed?" she finally said, not looking at him.

"Sure."

She started to walk towards the door.

"I need to talk to Sera about this," he mumbled to himself.

"Oh, thanks a lot, asshole!" Lute sobbed, stopping in her tracks, but not turning around. "I just can't wait for her to start scolding me the moment I walk through the door!"

"Does she... do that a lot?"

She sighed. "Every single day there's something. I guess I can't do anything right."

"What kind of things?"

"You know damn well what kind of things!"

"I don't."

"It's all that shit you tell her. Every day it's "Adam just called and he said you did this or that, or acted disturbingly or whatever". She huffed. "I know you think I'm a pain in the ass and that you'd rather not deal with me. I'm sorry I'm such a train wreck. I'm sorry I'm not more like Emily. I'm sorry about all of this."

Shit, Sera had told the poor girl all the things he'd said?! He probably shouldn't do this, but it was obvious that Lute needed a hug, so he walked over to her and put his arms around her. She stiffened by the unexpected touch, before giving in to sob helplessly against his chest.

"Come on, Lute, it's true that you're a pain in the ass sometimes, so is Emily, by the way, but it's not true that I'd rather not deal with you. I like having you around."

"You do?"

"I do. And who knows, if you keep on improving like this, you might be one of my top girls one day!"

"You really think so?"

"I don't see why not."

They stood in silence and he rocked her slightly til her sobs subsided. It was the first time she had allowed herself to be this vulnerable since she was a small child. It felt so good to lean on someone else for once, not having to carry all her burdens alone. She felt so safe and protected with his strong arms around her. She wanted to stay like this forever.

But she knew she couldn't, so when she had gathered herself some more, she broke the silence. "If I can't go to the Extermination, can't you at least fuck me?"

"Huh?! Damn, Lute, don't start with that fucked up shit again, PLEASE!"

"But it's so unfair. You fuck everyone else! It's like inviting everyone in a class to a birthday party, except one person. It's really a form of bullying."

He looked at her, speechless.

She drew her breath. "It's... it's because of who my parents are, isn't it?" she said, looking down in shame. "I'm a living, breathing result of sacrilege. An abomination."

"No, you know it's because..."

"Then prove it! Prove that you don't think of me as the repulsive spawn of the Devil!"

Adam was getting mad. He had tried to remain professional. He had tried to be nice. He was trying to be decent. And then that girl just came and pushed all his fucking buttons!

"You want me to fuck you so badly, huh?! Fine, I'll fuck you!"

Lute felt a surge of fear as Adam grabbed her arms tightly, and aggressively shoved her down on his desk. Something sharp pressed against her wing, she tried to move to accommodate herself, but he pinned her down. He was so very strong... Her instincts told her to give in, to not provoke him further, her body went limp. Shit, what had she done?! Okay, Lute, don't freak out. You brought this upon yourself. You initiated this. You asked for it, begged for it, even. You WANTED this. If this gets ugly, you only have yourself to blame.

He removed her boots and tights and panties with ease, proceeding to forcefully spread her legs, even though she wasn't putting up any resistance. Her heart was pounding like crazy. You can do this. You are strong. You have to be strong. You teased him. You OWE him this. It's too late to back out now.
She felt his hardness against her. Oh, God, she was so scared! Just let him do as he wishes with you.
She winced as he forced himself into her. She was wet, but she wasn't ready. OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! HELP!
Unceremoniously he started to pound into her. Harshly, aggressively. Shit, he's so big! So fucking big!
His grip around her arms was so hard, she was sure she was gonna get bruises. She tried to control her breath, like they had taught her before concerts in the Heavenly choir. You deserve this.

"You happy now, little princess?! This is what you wanted, huh?" he snarled.

She didn't reply, didn't know what to say, Tried to compose herself, not seem like a pathetic child. The pain was so intense. All women do this. Well, maybe not all, maybe not Sera, but all your exorsisters have done this. You are not less than them. You can't be less than them.
It had to be over soon, didn't it? This will make you a woman. You have to persevere.

He let go of her arms, and grabbed a hold of her legs, pushing them backwards, tilting her pelvis so that he came even deeper into her. Exorcists can't be weak. OH SHIT! OH SHIT!
He was pounding into her so roughly, so deeply. She couldn't take it any longer.

"A-adam? P-please stop! Please, it's too much. You're hurting me, please stop, won't you do that?" she begged, grabbing a hold of his arm to get his attention. He looked at her, but didn't reply. Instead he responded by pushing her thighs even further back, fucking her even harder. Her face contorted in pain, and she turned her head to the side, crying helplessly.

Failure. You're weak. You're a failure.

Adam sank down on her, exhausted. He laid there for a while, catching his breath and enjoying the afterglow, before noticing that Lute's breathing was uneven and what sounded like dampened sobs occasionally escaped her lips. SHIT! FUCK! What had he done? He lifted himself up on his elbows, "Lute? Shit, you're crying!" It all came back to him now - she had begged him to stop, saying he hurt her... He had forced himself upon her! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK! He had never treated any other woman like this, and of all the people he'd had to do this to, it had to be her. She was so young, so innocent, so vulnerable... His stress and guilt got him all worked up again. "Fuck, Lute, look what you made me do!" he shouted. "Offering yourself up like a whore! You shouldn't fucking go about tempting a man like that!"

"I'm s-sorry," she sobbed, "p-please don't be mad anymore, I didn't mean to make you so mad."

No. This was wrong. She shouldn't be the one to apologize. "No, Lute, fuck, I'm sorry! I'm not mad at you, okay, I'm mad at myself! It's not your fault, I should have been able to control myself. But I'm weak, okay? I fucking suck when it comes to temptation - just look at what happened with that fucking apple!" He sighed in frustration. "But you shouldn't put yourself in situations like this. Even if it's not your fault, you're the one who has to pay the consequences. This is Heaven, but shit can happen, even here."

She didn't answer, still had her head turned away from him. He realized he was still on top of her, still pinning her down, still inside her. His hands were still holding onto her legs in a tight grip. Shit, this was so fucked! He got up, and she wailed a little when he pulled out of her. Sera was going to make him fall, he was sure of it, fuck, he even deserved it, but right now he didn't even care, he was too upset about what he had done. And she had opened herself to him, too! Been vulnerable with him. Trusted him with all her pain and sorrow. And this was how he had repaid that trust! He had violated her, sullied her... He was a horrible person! Dear God, please protect her, please give her the strength to deal with this.

Lute had slowly gotten up, and was now sitting on the edge of the desk, crouching with her hands on her lower abdomen. She looked awfully small and pitiful. "I was right, though," she said, still weeping, still looking away from him. "I said you were gonna fuck me."

"Damn, Lute, this isn't funny! This is serious! Fuck, I'm so sorry! I'm so damn sorry I did this to you!"

"It's okay. It was just... different... from what I expected."

"Different?! Yeah, I bet it was, I fucking VIOLATED you!" he said, clearly upset, before trying to calm himself down, as not to scare her more. He drew his breath, searching for the right words.

Lute still had her face turned away from him.

"Listen, uhh... fucking... sex isn't supposed to be like this, okay? It's supposed to be uhm... good and pleasurable and make people feel closer to each other and... uhm... I would hate to have ruined it for you, before you even got to enjoy it. Promise me that you won't let me ruin this for you," he begged.

"Are you going to tell Sera?" she asked, ignoring what he had just said.

"God, no! Are you?"

She shook her head. They were silent for a little while.

"You should go now," he finally said.

She mechanically got up, and started to put her clothes back on turned away from him. When she had finished, she walked out the door without turning around or saying anything.

Adam sat down, putting his head in his hands. The phone started ringing. Oh God, Sera...

"Lute hasn't come home, and you haven't called me. What is going on?" Sera inquired.

Adam drew his breath, trying to gain his composure. "I need to talk to you. About Lute."

"What did she do?" Sera asked in an irritated tone.

"It's not really what she's done, it's more about... you."

"What in Heaven is that supposed to mean?"

"Listen, Lute told me some stuff today, about her.. uhm... home life. And I have to say, Sera, you need to be kinder to her." He felt like a hypocrite saying that after what he had just done, but he owed Lute to try and help her as much as he could.

"Are you giving me... parenting advice, Adam?" Sera said with disdain. "After how you failed with Ca.."

"I know how I failed. But I have tried to learn from my mistakes. And I know that nothing positive is going to come from the way you treat Lute. And comparing siblings like you do, is not... ."

Sera got quiet. "...Do you think she would... do anything to Emily?"

Adam sighed. "I wouldn't think so, she's never said anything negative about Emily as far as I know. I'm... more worried she'll do something to herself."

Sera didn't say anything, so Adam continued. "I'm starting to know Lute a bit now, okay, and she's not a bad girl. She's kinda fucked up, sure, but she just needs some love and care and guidance, like any other kid. Why can't you just be nice to her? Try to see her as something else than their daughter?"

Sera drew her breath slowly. "Thank you for your words of wisdom, Adam. I would strongly advice you to keep your thoughts to yourself in the future."

Lute had wanted to be alone after leaving Adam's office. With nowhere else to go, she had found the supply room, and had hidden in there, trying to compose herself enough to face whatever waited her at home. She had tried to wash her face clean, and stop these deceitful tears from streaming down her face. Something was seeping out of her, making her panties all wet and sticky. Not feeling very composed at all, she eventually had to leave, knowing she was already late.

"LUTE! Where in Heaven have you been?! I talked to Adam, and he said that..."

"Not now, Sera! Please!" Lute cried, pushing past her, running straight into Emily.

"Lute? You're crying! What's wrong, sis? Do you wanna talk about it?"

Lute shook her head. Emily looked baffled, but pulled her older sister into her embrace.

"When I feel a little down, I always remind myself that everything that happens is the will of God. Doesn't that make you feel better?! Come, let's go and pray!"

Chapter Text

Lute tried to close the door as silently as she could. She had never been out at night before, at least not alone. Everything was so different, so quiet, like a theatre set after the show was over and everyone had gone home. She wasn't sure if she liked it or not. Not a soul was in sight as she walked a few blocks down the road. So quiet... So quiet that she could hear her heart beat; it was beating so fast, and for a moment she thought about turning back. No. There was no turning back now. She had to go through with this. Lost in her thoughts for a moment, she didn't realize someone was approaching her before it was too late to hide.

"Lute? What are you doing outside at this hour, sweetie?"

Saint Peter??? Shit, this was bad. Of all the people in Heaven she'd had to run into someone who knew her. St. Peter was occasionally invited to Sunday dinners at their house. She also knew him a bit from doing Pearly Gates duty; sometimes the exorcists served as guards at the Pearly Gates, and she had been allowed to take part in that a couple of times with some of her more experienced sisters.

"I... uhm..." She needed to come up with something. "Sometimes I have trouble sleeping," she said, "and being out in the night helps." She looked down. "Please don't tell Sera," she begged, "she's going to think it's some kind of... Hell thing and freak out..." It wasn't exactly a lie...

St. Peter looked at her sympathetically. "Don't worry, sweetheart, your secret is safe with me." He winked at her. "Be careful out there, though. A pretty young girl like you might get into a lot of trouble, even here in Heaven." He left, and she continued walking.

Adam was having one of those dreams that you would wake up from and feel like an absolutely vile human being because of what your subconsciousness had stirred up. In this case, however, what would install this lust and guilt and shame was something that had really happened, something he had really done. He had had trouble falling asleep, and when he finally did, he drifted in and out of lustful nightmares. This one was different, though - he was pulled out of his nightmare by the very real sensation of someone or something sucking his dick. He closed his eyes enjoying it for a few seconds, before he awoke enough to realize that this was weird as fuck, so he pulled the covers off of him.

"LUTE!?! What the FUCK are you doing here???"

Lute had let go of his cock, and with a quick motion, he forcefully swiped her off the bed with the back of his hand. She landed on the floor with a thump, crying out a little from the impact.

"What kind of SICK succubus shit is this?! Did your mom teach you that when you were little, or is it some kind of inborn demon thing?!"

Lute looked as if he had hit her. She was buck naked and looked terribly vulnerable.

"Why the Hell did you come here? Are you out of your fucking mind?! I fucking HURT you earlier! Do you want me to hurt you again?!"

She shook her head vigorously.

"Then WHY did you come here?!"

"I... it's... "

"WHAT?!"

She drew her breath, trying to gather herself. "It was... something you said. About... that... that it's... not supposed to be... like how... it was. I thought... maybe... that you wouldn't want to leave me like that... with that experience... of it being something painful and... frightening..." She didn't look at him, covered herself with her arms with a tortured expression.

A thousand thoughts flew through Adam's head. He was so confused. He had violated her, but now she was coming back for more? To... override her horrible experience with a better one? That was weird, but it kinda... made sense, didn't it?

... But he couldn't do that, she was too young, she was forbidden fruit, he had to stay away from her...

... But then again he'd already done shit to her... Was it worse to do it again, in a pleasurable way, than to "leave her with that experience", as she said? And was she really that young? In his time and day, age hadn't really mattered, and she did have a point about him and Lilith and Eve fucking within days of creation... Heaven was full of people from different time periods and parts of the world with quite different ideas of right and wrong, and even in his time on Earth, there must have been girls who had been younger than Lute who had been married and had borne children...

... And he did have quite a bit of experience with chicks with fucked up sexual experiences - lots of his exorcists had been victims of shit like that in their human lives. And he'd had great results with them, if he had to say so himself... But in this case, he was the perpetrator. That obviously made one Hell of a difference...

As Adam didn't reply, Lute lowered her head further. "I'm sorry," she said, on the verge of tears, "This was stupid, wasn't it? Stupid and... disturbing, right?" Her hair was falling down in her face. She missed her long hair; it could have covered her, hid her shame and humiliation. She felt so stupid and unattractive and exposed. "I thought it... I don't know why I do these stupid things. Maybe it is an inborn demon thing." She drew her breath tremblingly. "I'm so sorry I bothered you like this. You've been nicer to me than anyone. Please don't be mad. I will leave now. Please forgive me."

Nicer to her than anyone, huh? Adam hoped that wasn't true. 

Lute kept her head low as she got up and tried to find her clothes; she had left them by the short end of the bed, and Adam had shoved her off the long end.

'Wait!" he said. Then and there he made a decision. Fucked up methods or not, he would make this up to her. Repair the damage he'd caused. It was his responsibility, and who could do this better than him?!

She looked up at him for the first time, her eyes warily searching his. 

"Come here, sweetie." He clapped on the spot right next to him, and she hesitantly crept back up in the bed.

He put his arm around her and pulled her closer. "You're freezing cold!" he said, pulling the covers over the both of them, warming her with the warmth of his skin. "Hey, I'm not mad at you, okay? You just shocked me, that's all. And I was afraid I wouldn't be able to control myself with you again. I was worried about you." 

She was looking down, trembling, tense. He could feel her heart pounding...

He let out a strained sigh. "So, let me get this straight. You want me to fuck you again to show you how sex should be?"

She nodded shyly.

"Okay, we can do that," he said, as gently as he could. "Are you sure you want that, though?"

She nodded again, still looking away from him.

"I'm afraid you will have to look at me, hun."

She slowly turned her head towards him, meeting his gaze for a few seconds, before looking down.

"Are you frightened?" he asked.

She shook her head without looking up.

"Liar!" he teased her. "Hey, we don't have to do this if you don't want to, okay?"

"I want to," she said, raising her head to look at him. Her voice was soft and trembling slightly, her facial expression raw and vulnerable, but he could still sense her determination.

He nodded in understanding. Now that he'd made his decision, he felt calm and focused. But he had to make sure he did this right. "Just tell me if you want to stop, I promise you I will listen this time. You needn't be afraid, I'll be nothing but good to you."

He sank down on top of her, and they both lay still, catching their breaths and enjoying the euphoric feeling of the aftermath. Lute couldn't remember ever feeling something so... right... and peaceful... and heavenly. Was this the feeling of love? She thought it must be. She closed her eyes, just letting the tranquility fill her, soak her, overtake her for a while, before her curiosity got the best of her.

"So... did I pass?" she asked timidly, fearing she sounded like a pathetic child. But she had to know.

"Huh?" Adam was confused. "Pass what?"

"The test."

"What test?"

"The audition. To be an exorcist," she said insecurely.

Adam felt himself getting pale. A test? She thought this was a fucking test?! Something she needed to pass? Was that why she'd done this? Shit, this was bad, this was really, really bad. "Fuck, Lute, this isn't some kind of test! Was that the reason you wanted to fuck me?!"

"It wasn't the only reason," she said, blushing.

He pulled his hair in frustration. "Look, sex isn't so much a skill thing, okay? I mean, there are techniques and stuff, but it's really about enjoying yourself, enjoying each other, being together, you know? It's true that I've fucked all of you exorcists, but it's not some kind of test. It's more like... an initiation ceremony, or... you know, just getting to know each other, like... bonding."

Lute looked somewhat confused. "So... are we bonded now?"

"I would say! Don't you feel it?!"

She closed her eyes for a moment as if to check. "Yeah," she said, looking up at him tenderly, a genuine smile forming at her lips.

Adam was completely mesmerized; he couldn't remember ever seeing her smile before, not like that, such a warm, happy smile. She was so beautiful, and having made her smile like that made his heart so warm that it brought tears to his eyes. He knew that if there was one thing he wanted, it was to make her smile like that again. And again. And again.

"You're so beautiful when you smile," he said, not able to look away from her.

"Really?"

"Really."

They lay in silence for a while, before she spoke again. "But if it had been a test, would I have passed?"

Adam felt a flush of frustration, but decided it was best to just reassure her. "You would."

"Was I as good as the others?"

He sighed. Why did she always have to say such weird things? "You did good, baby. But they've got more experience. Just like in the battle field."

"Will you train me?" she asked.

Train her?! "You mean, in bed?"

"Mm-hm."

It was a damn weird question, but the truth was that he would love to. "If you'd like," he laughed, before bending down to kiss her.

They spent the rest of the night cuddling, talking, laughing, kissing... And they almost forgot that Lute had to be home before Sera got up. When she walked home in the early morning hours, the sun was rising, and everything felt so warm and beautiful and right.

Chapter Text

The next couple of weeks, Adam and Lute were inseparable. She spent most nights at his house, and even in the daytime, they found time to fuck - mostly at his office; in the morning before training, or during lunch break, or after training... She didn't perform very well in her military training, but Adam said it didn't matter; he'd make sure she got all the exercise she needed. All that oxytocin did wonders for Lute's well being - she got a nice color in her cheeks, and Emily and Sera certainly noticed quite the difference. Emily was just glad to see her sister so happy, but Sera had a foreboding feeling that something was off. And she had a pretty good idea what.

"You have been uncharacteristically happy lately," she said one day when Lute returned home after training, her voice dripping with condescension.

"I thought you wanted me to be more like Emily?" Lute replied, feigning innocence.

Sera narrowed her eyes. "It's a boy, isn't it?"

Lute shrugged indifferently, but she couldn't help a slight blush from spreading across her face.

"It's Adam, isn't it?!" Sera widened her eyes in realization.

"If so, so what? Can't a young girl be allowed to get some butterflies without it being such a big deal?" Lute said, trying to seem unaffected.

Sera scowled at her. "I'll be keeping an eye on you."

It was that same night. Lute had snuck out again, and now Adam was leaning against the headboard of the bed while she was sitting on his lap, riding him with her back against his front. They were both completely lost in the action, and were startled beyond belief when a sudden flash lit up the room, blinding them, and Sera appeared. Sera stood in disbelief for a few seconds before speaking, while Adam frantically tried to pull the covers over them.

"WHAT IS THIS?!" Sera hissed.

Lute, having been too startled to do anything, regained her composure. "We're fucking," she said with contempt. "Maybe you should try it sometime." She forcefully pulled down the covers, exposing them both, and started grinding Adam's dick provocatively.

Adam desperately tried to make her stop. This was fucked. He had no idea what Sera was going to do to them, but he had no wish to make the situation worse than it already was.

"You little Hell whore!" Sera snarled. "You wanton little succubus!"

"Sera, please, you shouldn't... "

"Silence, Adam! You pathetic excuse of a man! I will make you fall for this!"

"If you make him fall, I WILL expose your dirty little secrets!" Lute hissed.

Sera looked at her with disdain. "You are coming with me right now, jezebel!"

Lute lifted her head defiantly. "NO!"

"Lute, sweetie, you should listen to her," Adam said softly, trying to calm the situation down.

"Y-you want me to go?" Lute sounded meek, her head fell down, she seemed to lose all will to fight.

"Yeah, go home with Sera now."

"Oh," she just said. Then she got off of him, and without word went to pick up her clothes and get dressed without looking at either of them.

As she approached Sera, the latter slapped her hard across the face. Lute whimpered, as Sera grabbed her arm tightly.

"Sinful filth like you has no place in Heaven!" she snarled at her.

"I never asked to come here!" Lute cried as they were both consumed by the bright light.

"What is going on? Where have you been? I woke up, and I couldn't find you!" Emily was staring at them as they appeared in their own living room. Her eyes were full of tears.

Sera, who had been about to chastise Lute quite a bit more, tried to pull herself together in front of Emily, but only partly succeeded. "Your sister has engaged in fornication with uncle Adam," she said through clenched teeth.

Emily's eyes grew larger. "FORNICATION?!" she said, shocked to her core. Her gaze turned to her sister, who looked down, crying, her left cheek still red from the slap. "Come, Lute, let's go and pray." She grabbed her sister's arm and led her to their room.

Chapter Text

Adam and Lute's idea of "laying low", meant that they didn't have any trysts in his office until the next day. And within the week Lute was back to her nightly visits. Sera of course realized this was happening, but there was little she could do, except making Lute's home life as miserable as she possibly could.

The day Lute turned sixteen, she moved into the exorcist dorm. Sera was opposed to it, but Lute threatened to expose her, and Adam had a word with her, saying it might be the best solution to avoid further tension, so she reluctantly agreed to let Adam take guardianship over Lute. And though she saw it as a failure on her behalf and was worried about her young niece, she had to admit to herself that she felt relief when the young girl was out of the house.

Living in the exorcist camp was definitely different from what Lute was used to. Though she had shared a room - and a bunk bed - with Emily, the dorm she now resided in consisted of a huge hall with bunk beds, several stories high, along all the walls. Their dining tables were in the middle of the room, and this was where they shared all their meals. The meals were a story in itself - the troops were on a constant strict diet. There was no place for personal items in the dorm, no privacy and people rarely left the premises, making the exorsisters a tight-knit, but in many ways isolated community. It was certainly a cultural shock for Lute, who had been raised in the higher society of Heaven, mostly consisting of Heavenborn, or perhaps more correctly Heavenspawn. But to get to know other winners, and more specifically other people with traumatic experiences, made her feel at home. She now knew she wasn't alone in feeling anger and sadness and resentment and hatred, or lust, for that matter; feelings she had been told were morally wrong and made her less of an angel, less deserving of Heaven. Her exorsisters all had their own trauma, she got to know quite a few of their stories, even if she still kept mostly to herself, and didn't open up very much. Glory served as a kind of big sister who made sure she got to know her ins and outs, which Lute greatly appreciated. And by the time she moved into the dorm, she already could tell most of her sisters apart, both in and out of uniform.

To be an exorcist involved a lot more than the exterminations - there was the aforementioned Pearly Gates' duty, the drill parades, as well as dealing with demon possessions on Earth. Lute had to learn how to consecrate water, how to use a crucifix, chants, prayers and incantations, as well as lots of hard physical exercise.

"What the FUCK is this, Lute?!" Adam yelled, gesturing to the bloodstained uniform she was still wearing.

"I went to the Extermination," she said in a low voice, her head turned away from him.

"What was that?" he said menacingly, looming over her.

"I went to the Exterm.."

"Yeah, I figured you went to the FUCKING EXTERMINATION, why else would you be covered in demon blood, you brat!" he yelled. "Now, did I, or did I not make it clear to you that you were not allowed to go?!"

She looked away, crossed her arms in front of her. If there was one thing Lute hated, it was people yelling at her. Unfortunately it was something she had plenty of experience with; somehow she always seemed to elicit that reaction from others. This time she had brought it upon herself, though.

"I gave you an order, and you fucking disobeyed me, bitch!"

"You're not my dad, you can't tell me what to do!" she replied with childish stubbornness.

"I can't tell you what to do?! I'm your commander and your legal guardian, you spoiled princess brat! You think the rules don't apply to you, don't you?! If I had known you'd be this fucking difficult, I wouldn't have agreed to take on guardianship over you!"

Lute's eyes widened; those words hurt a lot more than she wanted anyone to know. So that's how it was, huh? He regretted becoming her guardian? Of course he did, who wouldn't? she thought somberly. Nobody could love her. Nobody wanted to deal with her.

"Sera is gonna fucking kill me!" Adam kept going. "You set the safety of all of Heaven in danger, do you even realize what you've done, you dumb, selfish kid?!"

That's right, she only mattered to them as leverage, couldn't ever let her forget that... She had been so proud of herself, she thought she had done quite well, she had been brave and strong - at least she had thought so, she had proven that she was loyal to Heaven, that she didn't run when she had the chance....

"Are you even listening to me, you little cunt? You got me fucking worried about you! To think of all the shit that could have happened to you! You're much too naive to realize what kind of sick, twisted fuckers reside down there - a bunch of fucking rapists and murderers!"

A vicious grin spread across her face. "Like you?" she scoffed, turning her head to look at him. Two could play this game; if he was going to hurt her, she was not above hurting him, too.

Her impertinence earned her a slap across the face, so hard that she almost lost her balance.

When she had steadied herself, Adam had gone to sit down on the floor, back against the wall.

"Damn, Lute, you're gonna lead me to damnation one day, I'm sure of it," he sighed, covering his head with his arms.

"Relax, you didn't even know about it till now! You haven't even had any time to worry, I'm right here, unscathed!" she said, trying not to let the ringing in her ear bother her.

"You know who you remind me of?! Your father! Same cocky attitude, same unwillingness to listen to anyone!" he snorted.

Lute looked at him with disbelief. She was willing to take a lot from him, but comparing her to her murderer was too much. She grabbed whatever was closest at hand, which turned out to be a flower pot, and threw it as hard as she could towards him with a scream. He cried out as the ceramic pot broke against his shoulder.

"What the fuck?! You crazy bitch!"

She panted for a couple of seconds before she was able to speak. "Take that back," she said meekly, looking away from him. "Please. I want you to take it back."

He drew in a shaking breath, brushing soil and shards of ceramic off his uniform. "Fine," he said after a few seconds' silence, "I take it back. I shouldn't have said that."

"Good. I'm an exorcist; I can take care of myself!"

He sighed with annoyance. "You're not an exorcist, you're just a helpless child wearing an exorcist uniform!"

She raised her neck proudly. "I slayed 53 demons." She wasn't sure if that was good or not, but she had done her best, and she wouldn't be called a helpless child.

Adam looked up at her, cocking his eyebrows in surprise.

"You can check if you don't believe me."

"Oh, I will," he said, getting up and walking towards her. "But 53? Really?!"

"Mm-hm," she said. "Did I... do okay?" Her eyes were begging him for reassurance, for praise, for validation.

"That's pretty good for a first time, actually," he said, looking at her with newfound respect. "But I still need to teach you your place."

She narrowed her eyes, gritting her teeth. "Maybe I need to teach you yours?!"

His eyes grew wider. "Oh, really, now? And where is my place, if I may ask?" He walked up to her, playfully, but not without a certain force, pushing her down on the table behind her, a hungry grin on his face.

"Beneath me," she said haughtily, her anger shifting to something else. She wasn't quite certain how much of this was a roleplay, and that uncertainty filled her with both fear and arousal. She arched her back, shoving her tits up at him.

"Is that so," he cast a glance at her bloodcovered tits, "dangertits? You've got quite the attitude."

"You can't resist my cocky attitude, can you?" she said with a smirk.

"You really think that?"

"I know that." She grabbed him by the collar, pulling him towards her, and with a smooth move twisted them so that she was on top, straddling him. They both knew he let her do that, that he could easily overpower her.

But she also knew that tonight he wouldn't look elsewhere for pleasure.

Chapter Text

What Adam told Sera (or what he might have omitted to tell Sera) about Lute's visit to Hell, Lute was never told. But what mattered to her was that she was allowed to go without question the next year, and every year since.

Adam might have been generous when he said that Lute might become one of his top girls, but she really rose to the occasion, and within few years, she truly was, without a doubt, his best girl. She consistently had the highest kill count - she even kept increasing it, her precision and efficiency was admirable, she excelled at the drill parades. She was the strongest, the fastest, the most hard-working and dedicated. So no one was surprised when Adam got her a sword and made her his lieutenant; she had proven herself enough that there was little talk of favoritism or "sleeping her way to the top" among her sisters. There was also a strict code of conduct regarding sisterhood; they were one big family, and were to treat each other like that. With that many ladies living so close together, there was bound to be a bit of conflict, but they were expected to be loyal to one another as well as to Heaven, and they were.

But all of that was years ago. Now, Adam was dragging Lute by her hand towards his office, claiming he had a surprise for her. It was her birthday, and she was surprised he remembered. He acted in such an unusual manner today; he seemed so exited, yet nervous at the same time, and it made her get her stupid hopes up. Was he going to propose to her?! No, of course not, Lute, don't be a fool, don't delude yourself like that again, you'll only end up getting hurt. You're not even a couple, get your head out of the fucking clouds. 

He was up to something, though, that was obvious. Maybe he would... ask her to move in with him? The thought of that filled her with warmth and excitement. It wasn't too far out, either, was it? If not for anything else, it would at least be relatively practical? Ugh, who was she fooling, he took some other chick home as late as two days ago...

So something else... hmm... a holiday, maybe? To that beach he always talked so fondly about? Lute had never been to a beach, she didn't even know how to swim. Adam said it was like a little bit of Eden; that he would take her there sometime. She wondered what the ocean looked like. She had been to Earth a few times to perform exorcisms, so she had seen oceans from above, but she had never been close to one. The thought of the ocean scared her and allured her at the same time...

It could of course be something completely different, maybe a weapon or an instrument? A cake? Anything, really, she was just glad he remembered. She tried to push away all thoughts about what the surprise could be as he pushed the door open.

Adam had been called to the Hell Embassy early in the morning. There was nothing unusual about that; it happened often enough, though not as often as one might think; a new resident of Hell, feeling they'd been sent the wrong place - they were really very nice... or they weren't but they had now understood the fault of their ways, they regretted and wanted to redeem... He'd heard it all before, it happened several times a week. He had to tell them that they'd had their chance; Hell was forever, and even if he'd wanted to, which he didn't, there was nothing he could do about their situation. It was an awfully repetitive part of the job, but at least it required very little of him.

When he appeared and saw Lilith sitting there, he was rather shocked. Lilith didn't look her usual smug self; her eyes were red-rimmed, her hair was a mess, her demeanor meek and serious, no playfulness or spite. He realized he hadn't seen her since before the sacrifice. Seeing her like this immediately softened his heart; he had a weak spot for Lilith, he just couldn't help it.

"I... am here to inquire about my daughter," she said. "Do you know anything about her? Where she is, what she's doing, if she is okay?" Her voice was pleading, she sounded desperate. He couldn't blame her; a mother who'd had her young child taken from her, never to hear from her again. She looked broken.

He swallowed. He knew that Lute'd made it clear to Sera that she wanted her parents to know nothing about her, and Sera had respected that. But didn't Lilith deserve to know? Lute didn't have to know, anyway.

"I'm... not sure I am allowed to tell you this," he started, insecurely.

"Oh Adam, please, if you know anything about my daughter, anything at all, please tell me! I'll do anything you want, please!" she begged.

To have her on her knees like this gave him a sudden rush of power. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! But he quickly shoved that unbecoming feeling away, ashamed that he would even for a second feel that way. He lifted up his hands, as if to say "no need to go there".

"I know Lute a bit, yeah," he said. A bit? He was probably the person who knew her the best.

"You do??? Oh, is she okay? Please tell me everything you know about my baby!"

Was Lute "okay"? He wasn't quite sure, but he kind of felt that in all the time he'd known her, she'd never been quite okay. She was as okay as she could be, he supposed. "She's done well for herself. She has a well-respected job that she loves and excels at, and uhm..."

"Is she married? Am I a grandmother?" Lilith asked, hungry for as much information on her daughter as she could get.

"Winners can't have kids, Lil. Lute was very upset about that when she was younger. It's certainly one of the things she holds against you."

Lilith covered her face with her hands. "Oh God, I didn't even think about that back then! My poor baby!" she sobbed. "Oh, why did this have to happen? Why did I let that asshole push me into agreeing to that?"

"Who, Lucifer?"

She nodded. "I didn't want to go through with it. But he... convinced me that it was the only way, that it was in Lute's best interest... Losing her completely broke me. I tried to keep myself together to take care of Charlotte, our youngest; she had just been born when we had to... It really drove a wedge between me and Lucifer, I just couldn't look at him the same after that."

"So you're not..?"

"I left him, I just left him," she sobbed.

Wow. He couldn't help but feel a slight bit of schadenfreude.

"It sucks when your mistakes strikes your kids, doesn't it?

Lilith looked up at him, her eyes widening in sudden realization. "Oh God, I never realized till now," she said. "Back then I was incredibly selfish and immature. I... didn't realize till now, how this must have been for you and Eve. I mean, what happened back in Eden. And... after. With your kids, and..."

He drew his breath slowly.

"I'm so sorry, Adam. About everything. I didn't understand the gravity of what we were doing... but even when we all had to face the consequences, I... was more concerned about my own fate. How unfair I perceived it to be... I'm so sorry."

He wasn't sure what he felt, or how to respond. "Well, I always held it more against Lucifer," he said with strain. "We were so young, we didn't know any better. He... he knew what he was doing."

They sat in awkward silence for a little while.

"So... uh... you wanted to talk about Lute? You know, I was actually her guardian at one point."

"Her... oh, her guardian angel? That's so sweet! So what does that mean, you guide her to make good decisions and protect her from harm and such?"

"Uhm... something like that, yeah."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you for taking care of my sweet little baby! You are so much nicer than I've ever given you credit for."

Adam was feeling uncomfortable, but Lilith didn't notice.

"Do you have a picture of her?" she asked with excitement.

"I might." Adam opened the gallery on his phone. The first picture was of Lute's ass, his cum seeping out her widened asshole. She had her head turned towards the camera, half-lidded eyes, mouth half open. The next was pretty similar, except she was lying on her back, and the cream pie was coming out her cunt. There were plenty of similar photos; him cumming all over her tits, her with his cock in her mouth... His face got warm, and he felt grateful he was wearing his mask. These were certainly not pictures he wanted Lilith to see... There were others, too, Lute posing for the camera in suggestive positions, Lute posing in her uniform, covered in demon blood, there were some more cuddly ones, some she had posed for, some he had taken without her consent. Eventually he found one where she was playing her lute. She was sitting in his unmade bed, wearing her exorcist undergarments, but he hoped Lilith wouldn't notice.

"Okay, I found one here," he said hesitantly.

Lilith reached out for his phone, he clutched it protectively, the thought of her holding it and swiping to see those other pictures...

"I... uh... I can send it to you, isn't that better? Then you can look at it whenever you like," he improvised.

"Oh, thank you, thank you!"

Phew! Nice save!

When Lilith received the picture, she couldn't stop looking at it. "Oh my baby, my sweet little baby... She's all grown up! She's so beautiful... So precious..." Her eyes were glued to the screen, drinking up every detail. "I didn't imagine she'd have short hair."

"Well, she does."

"And she plays the lute?" Lilith seemed happy. "We named her after the instrument, you know. We wanted to have some of the letters from our names, and then something beautiful and musical and heavenly..."

"Yeah, she's a very talented lute player, though she doesn't get too much time to do that because of her job, and... oh, she's also extremely talented at carving. Wood, pumpkins, anything, really... She actually made that lute herself."

"Really? Oh, does she sing, too?"

"Oh yeah, like an angel. She should do that more."

Lilith smiled with pride and joy, before bursting into tears once more. "I just want to see her again, hold her in my arms again..."

Fuck, Adam hated to see her like this.

"Maybe... uh... I could fix that," he said.

"Y-you could?!" Lilith said. "Would you do that for me, after everything...?"

"That's what old friends are for, right?"

Adam flung the door open, and more or less shoved Lute through. A strange lady was sitting at the chair. When she saw Lute, she let out a cry and got up, before throwing herself around her neck, clinging to her for dear life, sobbing "My baby, my baby!"

Lute was so taken aback that it took a few seconds to realize what was going on. This lady wasn't a stranger, it was... No... NO, it couldn't be, Adam wouldn't have... No! She needed to get away, but she couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't breathe. Oh God, this can't be happening, it can't be real... Adam, Adam, help me, please! She wasn't sure if she produced any sound at all. "Adam, help me," she gasped, barely audible.

Adam had been standing pinned between Lute and the door. Upon hearing Lute call for him, he moved around so he could see her face. She looked absolutely petrified.

"Help me," she whispered.

"Lilith, Lil... you gotta give her some space to breathe, okay?" He manually unclutched Lilith's hands from her daughter's body, pulling her away.

Lute just stared at him, pale as death, before she turned around and stormed out the door.

"Lute, wait!" he shouted.

"My baby, m-m-my ba-hayby!" Lilith sobbed. She tried to go after her daughter, but Adam stopped her.

"It's better I go," he said.

"She hates me, doesn't she? Heaven made her hate me! Oh God, how can you be so cruel?"

Fuck, he should go after Lute, he'd never seen her this out of it before... but Lilith needed him, too. She was completely hysterical, and he couldn't just leave her unattended in Heaven either, could he? He could go look for Lute afterwards, right?

He put his arms around Lilith. "No... no... she was scared, that's all... She... she was very hurt by what happened when she was little. She's scared of you, I think. I... fuck, this is all my fault, I should have prepared her," he said, knowing damn well that Lute would NEVER have agreed to meet her mother. "Just give her some time, I'm sure she'll come around sooner or later."

Lilith was sobbing against his shoulder. He wasn't sure exactly how it happened, but at some point their lips met, and one thing led to another. Then they fucked, and it was awesome.

It took several hours before Adam got to look for Lute. When he finally found her, she was sitting curled up in the fetal position in the supply room. Her whole body was trembling.

"Lute, thank God, there you are! I've been so fucking worried about you! Damn!"

She looked at him faintly. "Why did you do this to me?" she asked in a dull voice. "What did I ever do to you?" Her teeth were clasping.

He sighed, sat down next to her. "I'm sorry, honey. I... uhm... Lilith contacted me through the Embassy, and... uh.. she was crying and stuff, and... she really loves you, Lute. Losing you really broke her."

"Is she gone now?"

"No, I... she's staying here in Heaven, so you can go see her whenever you're ready."

Lute's eyes grew larger. "NO! No, Adam, please, please send her back to where she came from! Please!"

He put his arm around her. "Shhh, don't you worry now. I got her a little house on the beach. You won't run into her when you're not ready, okay?"

"No, no, I don't want her to be here. I don't want to see her. Never!"

"It will be as I say," he said, his voice gentle, but firm. He pulled her closer, wrapping his other arm around her as well, rocking her slowly, like you would a small child. And she leaned into him, closing her eyes, letting him take control. Only an occasional "no" escaped her lips.

In the next couple of years, Lute kept her resolve. Adam, on the other hand, visited Lilith quite a lot. There was something very satisfying about comparing them. The taste of their juices, the way their nipples grew in his mouth, the way they looked at him, the way they moaned when they came... Sometimes he'd even go directly from mother to daughter or the other way around, his dick still sticky from the first encounter. There was something so dirty about mixing their fluids inside of them without them knowing. None of them was ever going to know. It was his dirty little secret.

Chapter Text

"Uhm, Lute, can you come to my office?"

Adam seemed uncharacteristically nervous - she hadn't seen him this nervous since that time he had brought her to see Lilith. But then he'd been exited, too. Like he'd wanted to show her something amazing that he was unsure if she would like. Maybe that was exactly how he'd felt, Lute thought bitterly, as they walked in silence down the hall to his office. Taking her mother to that beach that she'd never been to, that beach that she now could never go to. The thought of that got her worked up, so she tried to push it away. Instead she tried to focus on Adam, something was up, something... not good, but what could it be?

He asked her to sit down as they entered his office. Something about the atmosphere was off. There was tension in the air, she could feel it...

He cleared his throat. "So, uh, we've known each other for a long time now, and... uhm, we've had a lot of good times, right?"

She nodded. Where was he going with this?

"So... uh... you mean a lot to me and... uhm... I want you to know that I've really appreciated all that time we've spent together..."

This could've been something nice, but she was waiting for the "but".

"... but..."

There it was.

"... I... uhm... think it would be good for us... for the both of us to... to see other people. I mean, to uhm... I mean, I've... uh... met someone that I really like and uhm... we are going exclusive."

It took a few seconds before Lute grasped the full meaning of what he'd actually said. She felt herself getting dizzy, and for a few seconds she felt as if she was going to pass out. No! NO! This couldn't be true, he must've said something else, she must've misunderstood! She tried to calm herself down, seem unaffected, don't make a total fool of herself.

"I... have been thinking about the same thing," she heard herself say.

He looked at her completely astonished. "R-really?!"

Maybe this would change his mind?

"Shit, that's such a relief, Lute! Damn, I've been so worried about telling you, I was afraid you'd take it really badly!"

It felt as if a sink hole opened under her feet; she was free-falling, nothing or no one to hold onto.

"Wait, does that mean you have a special someone too???" Adam asked eagerly, pulling her out of her images of doom. "Tell me who the lucky fucker is, I'm dying to know!"

"No, there's n-noone special," she mumbled, her breath was getting faster, her face got warm, he was going to see through her act, for sure. She hadn't seen this coming at all, why the Hell had she taken her helmet off?!

"Damn, you're blushing, Lute! You're really into this guy, aren't you?! Tell me who it is now, you and him can go on a double date with me and Vaggy!"

Vaggy?! As in her sister Vaggy?! Why hadn't she noticed? It was only what, two weeks, since he'd spent the night with her the last time. Okay, who was she kidding, she knew exactly how long it was - it was eleven days. That was a bit longer than usual, but this had happened before. It wasn't unusual that Adam fucked other chicks. Hell, he'd even dated a few. But he'd always come back to her. He'd never gone exclusive with anyone.

"Oh, come on now, you're getting me damn curious! Who's the guy who makes you blush like this, huh? You're almost getting me jealous here!"

Almost, huh? She just wanted this to end, she needed to get out of here. If she just said some name, would he let her leave, so she could lick her wounds in peace? But she didn't know any guys, except for Adam... well, and... "St. Peter," she stuttered.

"ST. PETER??!!" Adam exclaimed, "St. FUCKING Peter!!??" He burst out laughing. "Oh God, that's hilarious! St. Peter, hahaha!" He suddenly stopped when he cast a glance at Lute - she looked extremely uncomfortable, and unusually pale, even for her. "Fuck, I'm sorry, Lute, I just... that was just... extremely unexpected... I didn't imagine he was your type at all... but you know what, Peter's a really great guy, it'd do you tons of good to be with him. Hey, I can talk to him for you, if you'd like!"

She shook her head with vigor.

"Come on, it's no problem!"

"No!" she exclaimed desperately. "Please don't!"

He studied her. She turned her gaze down. She looked like she was going to get sick.

"Damn, I didn't know you were so scared of rejection, bitch! Come on now, no man in his right mind would reject you! Where's that badass bitch I once knew who'd go and demand what she wanted?"

Adam encouraging her to hook up with another man on top of rejecting her, was so absurd and hurtful that she couldn't take it any longer. She excused herself without looking at him, and ran off to the supply room, where she threw up repeatedly in the sink, before crouching up against the wall, head in her hands.

"Heeey Peter! You know Lute, right?" Adam said, peaking out through the Pearly Gates.

"You mean your girlfriend?" 

"Huh, she's not my..."

St. Peter looked up from his book, half interested. "She's not? But you've been with her for ages, I thought..." 

"Well, uh... we... we just broke up, actually."

"Holy shit! She dumped you?!"

Dumped him?! Lute wouldn't have dumped him! No one would dump him, no one had ever dumped him. Not since... not since Lilith. And Lute fucking wouldn't! Would she?!

... It didn't matter. He was being selfish. Lute deserved to be happy. And if she liked st. Peter, it was practically his duty to be her wingman... 

"Fuck no ! We... uh... agreed on it. Time to see other people and shit!"

"Whoa, why would you wanna see other people when you had someone like her?"

St. Peter looked at him like he was crazy, like he'd just let a priced jewel out of his hands, or something. It made Adam slightly insecure, which in turn made him feel annoyed. He quickly shook the feeling off and regained his composure.

"I'm glad you're saying that, because she's totally got the hots for you!" 

"Huh? For me?!"

"Fuck, yeah! I've never seen the bitch like that before, but I'm telling you, buddy, you're in for some hot stuff..."

Chapter Text

"Shit bitch, you look fucking nervous! It's just a date, and you look like you're about to stand before God and face judgement! Chill!" Vaggy laughed, before punching Lute's arm a little too hard.

They were standing outside the military camp, waiting for Adam and fucking St. Peter to pick them up and take them to some fancy restaurant. She and Vaggy were both in uniform; it wasn't as if they had anything else to wear. Vaggy had somehow gotten a hold of a pink bow that she'd put in her hair, which made her look all cutesy and sweet.

This situation was such a nightmare; Lute would have to watch Adam and Vaggy's romantic interactions, while pretending to be into St. Peter, but not too much - she didn't want to give him the wrong idea. And right now her acting skills were on an all time low, she felt incredibly weak, like her knees were going to give in, and she neither had the mental nor physical strength to deal with what was about to come. She wanted to punch Vaggy back, harder, and reprimand her for being respectless to her superior, but instead she mumbled something unintelligible, which made Vaggy roll her eyes, before sending a look full of pity in Lute's direction.

The last couple of days had been pure Hell. Adam and Vaggy was in no way hiding their affection for eachother, constantly kissing and touching in public. Though she was surrounded by people 24-7, Lute found she had no one to talk to. She saw the pity with which her sisters were looking at her, and it made her feel small and pathetic and exposed. She wished she could keep her mask on at all times, so nobody could see her. That Adam had gone behind her back and talked to St. Peter without her consent was just the icing on the cake. Had she not been feeling so completely devastated, she would probably have been pissed off at Adam, as well as spent every waking moment comparing herself to Vaggy, wondering what she'd got, that she herself didn't. But right now everything was just so horrible that she couldn't bring herself to feel anything but dread.

Vagatha was one of her sisters that she didn't know too well. Her bed was on the other side of the room, and none of them were very sociable. But she knew that Vaggy was one of the best; she had the second highest kill-count after Lute herself, and she was fierce as fuck. Yesterday Adam had been gushing over how she and Vaggy had so much in common, and how he was sure they'd get along great. Maybe they could've if things were different, but she couldn't imagine that happening now...

The uncomfortable silence that had built up was broken when Adam and St. Peter showed up, each with a huge bouquet of red roses. Nobody had ever given Lute flowers before as far as she could remember - Adam sure as fuck never did, but perhaps someone might've after a concert or some public appearance when she was younger, she wasn't sure. But then again, she'd never really been on a date before, either...

St. Peter told her she looked beautiful. She thanked him, feeling slightly overwhelmed, and Adam punched her arm, too, again a bit too hard, as if to tell her she was doing great. She wanted to punch his face, but most of all she felt like sinking down to a heap on the floor, throwing some cover over herself and disappear. Vaggy was being all giddy over the flowers, and it disgusted her. Only a few more hours, and at least this part of this nightmare would be over... She could do this... she hoped...

"Here's your menu, sweetie."

Lute was glad they'd been seated at separate tables in the restaurant; Adam and Vaggy was at the other side of the room. That would make this a bit easier.

Lute looked at the menu, not knowing what to order. She'd hardly tasted "normal food" since she moved into the exorcist camp, except for the yearly post-Extermination pizza party. Getting to eat something else should've been something to enjoy. Yet just looking at the menu made her feel nauseous. This was all Adam's fault, she thought, all those times that he'd told her that she was "getting kinda chubby", or "a bit too skinny", or "too muscular", or "not muscular enough". She could hardly tell the difference herself, yet she'd tried to eat a little more, or a little less, or work out a little more, or a little less, all in a failed attempt to please him. And now she couldn't even enjoy a fucking meal without getting all worked up!

"They say the fish soup is to die for!" St. Peter said.

The thought of fish made her feel sick, so she went for vegetable soup instead.

She took a sip of her glass of wine, and tried a spoonful of soup, casting a glance over at Adam and Vaggy's table, where Adam seemed to be spoon-feeding Vaggy, and they both giggled like idiots. She made herself look away.

She remembered the first Sunday after she had moved to the exorcist camp. Adam had come to take her to Sera's Sunday dinner, and she'd just been so... shocked. At that point, she'd never wanted to see Sera ever again, she couldn't take the way she looked at her, the way she talked to her, the way she made her feel... She'd thought Adam understood. That they were in this together, that he wouldn't want to go either. She had begged him for months to let her live in the camp, crying her little heart out, telling him she couldn't take another day living under Sera's roof, under Sera's constant judgement. But that day he had told her that Emily and Sera were family, and that he couldn't miss out on Sera's cooking. Wasn't she supposed to be his family too? Didn't he have some kind of obligation to her as her guardian? It wasn't just the Sundays either, it was every other holiday too. He'd left her alone to be with them - what had once been her family. It had made her feel that Sera, and Emily, meant a lot more to Adam than she did. And that Sera, and probably Emily too, cared more about him than they ever did for her. But perhaps that was just her being young and dramatic; she hadn't been alone after all, she'd had her sisters, and they always threw parties around the holidays. And she had been invited to Sera's, she supposed, even if she may not have been welcome...

She forced her mind to stop wandering, focusing on the here and now.

St. Peter talked a lot about fish. And fishing. It almost made her feel seasick. She should change the subject to something interesting, like what it was like being a disciple of Jesus. Did they still stay in touch? Or what being crucified was like... no, that was probably inappropriate... fuck, she sucked so bad at small talk. It was that one thing in Sera's etiquette lessons that she'd been completely and utterly hopeless at. Hmmm... She knew St. Peter had suffered a lot in life, she wondered how he managed to stay so happy. Was it all a facade, or did he genuinely feel that way? Maybe she could ask him that? Or was that a bit too personal?

She was just about to ask him about Jesus, when he interrupted her, casting a glance at her barely touched food. "Hey, if you're not hungry, we can call it a night early." Thank God. Adam was right, St. Peter really was a great guy. "Adam said you give the best blowjobs in all of Heaven!" He lifted his eyebrows suggestively.

Lute stared at him with incredulity; he hadn't actually said that, had he? She cast a shocked glance over at Adam, who seemed to be completely lost in Vaggy's eyes.

"Excuse me?!" she said; she must've misheard that.

"Adam said that I had a lot of hot stuff to look forward to. He said you were quite the demoness in bed!"

Had Adam really said that? Talked about her like that with another man? About things that had been private, that she thought had been private between the two of them?! Knowing Adam, that probably shouldn't come as a shock - after all he certainly didn't spare her the details of his rendezvous with other women... yet she'd thought she was somehow... special.

"Lies!" she said angrily. "Those are all lies! I never did anything of the sort with Adam, that's why we... broke up. I'm saving myself for marriage!" She was lying through her teeth, but Adam fucking deserved this! If he was going to taint her reputation, then she would taint his, too. Even if he was telling the truth, and she had to resort to lying.

"You... you mean he never "crossed the pearly gates"? St. Peter seemed confused, his eyes darted nervously. 

"Never!" she lied.

"Fuck! I'm... I'm so sorry, Lute, I mistook you for a... a different kind of woman. But I really respect that - your resolve to wait until marriage." St. Peter smiled apologetically.

His words didn't in any way make her feel better. She lifted her glass as if to toast, before throwing the wine in his face. St. Peter let out a high-pitched sound that made heads turn. Red wine was dripping down his face and light-colored robe, eerily resembling demon blood. Lute got up quickly, almost knocking the table over, and rushed out.

"The fuck did you do, dude?!" Adam hurried over to St. Peter, who looked completely dumbfounded.

"I... I think I said something wrong," he said, trying to wipe off the wine with a napkin. "Maybe I should go after her?"

"Nah, let me do it, I know her better. Lute's always been kinda dramatic!"

"Hey, Lute, you in there?!" Adam was knocking on the door to her toilet stall. "Hey, if you're there, please answer - I'd rather not stalk some strange lady in the ladies' room!"

He heard the toilet flush, and then the lock turning slowly, and he opened the door to find her sitting on the floor next to the toilet. 

"Hey," he said, "what happened?"

She didn't look up at him. "You said he would be good for me. Yet you set me up to be his plaything," she said coldly. 

"Plaything?!" he said, sitting down next to her.

"I'm not some toy that people can just play with, and put away when they're finished playing!"

"Huh?" Adam was confused. "What are you even talking about?"

"That you set me up to be his fucking mistress! Or fuck-buddy, or whatever! You even had the audacity to say that it would be good for me! Asshole!"

"Huh, wasn't that what you wanted?"

"To fulfill fucking St. Peter's sick fantasy of being ridden by a demon, or whatever?! Why the Hell would you think that!?"

"I mean, you didn't mind that with me. I-I mean the fuck-buddy stuff."

She drew her breath slowly. "Well, maybe I did, okay?"

Oh. Oh shit. 

"Fuuuck. So this whole St. Peter shit just..."

"Was just something I made up not to seem like a complete fool."

Oh fuck.

"I... I didn't know, I... uh..." he said.

"Really?" she interrupted him. "Then why did you think I'd be so upset when you broke things off with me?!"

"I... uh... I don't know... I just..."

"Do you remember... you probably don't, do you? It probably wasn't significant to you... But there was this time, when I was young, and you took me to this bar and got us some drinks. And then you just... ignored me for the rest of the night, flirting blatantly with the woman seated next to you. I didn't understand what was going on, I thought I might have done something wrong, that you were mad at me for some reason. I didn't want to come across as clingy or childish, so I kept my mouth shut, pretending everything was fine. Then, when you started making out with her right in front of me... I was just so shocked. Up until then, I had thought I was your girlfriend. That my future was set; that when I only got a little older, we'd get married or some shit," Lute chuckled a little, but it sounded hollow. "That you didn't even try to hide it at all... it made me go through everything in my mind, everything that'd happened between us. And I realized that you had never referred to me as your girlfriend, you had never said you loved me, I had misunderstood everything..." She leaned her head back against the wall of the cubicle. "You know, I used to pride myself with being smarter and more mature than other girls my age, but I was just as naive - I'd mistaken lust for love like so many other stupid young girls before me. When you left with her, without even acknowledging I was there, I... I didn't know what to do with myself. All my hopes and dreams, all I had to hold onto... shattered," she said, leaning forward to hug her knees. "I was so young too, I was just sixteen, Adam! I'd never even been to a bar before, I'd never tasted alcohol, except for for sacramental purposes. I had no money, and no idea how to get back home to the camp. I got really drunk, too, and when I tried to leave, the bartender came over and demanded I pay for all the drinks you'd gotten - for her too. He got really angry with me. If Glory and Jessica hadn't been there, I don't know how the Hell I'd gotten home."

Adam swallowed. Lute was right; he had no memory of that night, of that woman. It'd meant nothing, and yet it'd hurt her so much. Had he really left her alone in some bar when she was sixteen to go fuck some other chick? He didn't think Lute would lie about it. And unfortunately, it did sound like something he could have done. Only hearing it from her perspective made him realize how fucked up that really was. Fuck.

"I was actually grateful I was so hung-over the next day," Lute continued. "Then I couldn't focus on what'd happened. But thinking about it now, that you didn't even check in with me to see if I got home safely, or at all... You couldn't have cared about me very much."

"Hey, that's not..."

She waved her hand dismissively. "The day after that, when you had me come over, I... I didn't know how to behave, what you expected from me. I tried to act as if nothing had happened, as if things hadn't changed... You acted like nothing had changed. It was all so confusing. Sometimes you'd be all lovey-dovey with me, and other times you'd treat me as if I was nothing. I never knew what to expect from you."

"Why didn't you say anything?" 

She sighed. "Maybe I knew what I had, I didn't know what I'd get. If I didn't tell then... I could keep deluding myself into thinking that... that you felt the same, or that one day you would realize that you cared about me in that way... So maybe I'd rather take whatever crumbs were thrown in my direction, hoping for something more, rather than... nothing." She drew her breath. She looked tired and worn.

Damn. He'd fucked this up really badly. He'd fucked her up really badly. If only she could understand how precious she was.

"Whoever ends up with you is gonna be a lucky guy," he said, looking at her tenderly. 

"Why?! Because I give the best blowjobs in all of Heaven?!"

"Uh... You do, though. You really are something else in bed, Lute. Best I ever had, to be honest. And I've had A LOT..."

"You trained me well, I guess." The venom in her voice was hard to miss. He tried to ignore it.

"And you're the best fucking exorcist Heaven has ever seen!"

"Right, I'm a whore and a murderer, Sera is so proud of me!" 

"Come on, you've got a lot more going for you than that - you're funny... and smart... and creative..."

"Don't you fucking pity me, Adam. Please. It's so damn humiliating."

"I'm not pitying you. I mean it."

"We both know I'm not gonna end up with anyone, okay?!"

"Why would you say that?"

"Isn't that obvious?! I'm unlovable."

"Oh, that's not true, come on, Lute."

"Isn't it? My parents were willing to kill me and never see me again. Then there's Sera. She raised me since I was little, and yet... she never saw me as anything other than a hostage, I guess. And then there was you, and even for all the time we've spent together, all our intimacy, you still feel nothing more than pity, and maybe a bit of lust, for me."

He should say something, he knew Lilith loved her daughter dearly. And Sera and Emily always asked him about her. And he cared about her, too. A lot.

"Now you know. So... let's never talk about this again. We'll be professional at work, and you can go enjoy yourself with your girlfriend." She seemed to steel herself before sitting up on her knees and stretching out her hand.

Adam hesitated to grab it. "Hey, are you gonna be alright?"

"I'm an adult, I can take care of myself," Lute said, letting her hand fall.

"Are you sure?" he said skeptically.

"And if I can't, that's not your responsibility." She got up, steadying herself a little on the wall. "Please. I would like to leave now. This is very humiliating for me, please don't make it worse."

He got up and took a step to the side, letting her pass. "But... uh... you don't really have anyone else, do you?" he said, worried.

She stopped. "If I don't then that's my problem to fix." She took to her wings, picking up the pace. The door slammed behind her, and Adam was left alone in the ladies' room.

Chapter Text

"Launch at me, come on!" Lute said, trying to have Smaranda, the new recruit she was sparring with, attack her.

The newcomer already looked defeated. It made Lute think back to her first year or so in the army. How intimidating it had been to spar with her much stronger, much more competent sisters. Adam hadn't let her participate in sparring the first couple of months, but when he finally did, she'd gotten her ass kicked so badly, even when it was obvious her sisters were going easy on her. It had been incredibly humbling. But one couldn't allow oneself to show any kind of weakness down in Hell. Most of those demons might be scared stiff of them, but you never knew who could take advantage. Hesitate for one second, and things might get ugly. Angels couldn't be killed, but there were other, arguably worse things unholy creatures like those could do.

Lute thought to herself that she might have to bench Smaranda for the upcoming Extermination. This was something she'd rather not do, having been benched herself the first time. Being in a position of responsibility herself now, she better understood why Adam had held her back, though. But the thought of that particular day, brought up some other rather unpleasant memories, memories that she quickly tried to stuff in the back of her mind, or maybe more in the bottom of her soul, with the rest of the things she preferred not to ever think about. She made a mental note that she would personally train Smaranda after hours; drown herself in work seemed like the reasonable thing to do with how the situation was anyway.

She heard some of her sisters laugh, and it made her all paranoid; were they laughing at her? Two days ago Vaggy had approached her. Though Lute really didn't want to talk to her, she'd thought she might want to stretch out a hand, or some other kind of friendly gesture. But instead Vaggy had told her that Adam had told her that Lute had blackmailed her way into the army, and that she'd thrown herself at him back then. Vaggy had gloated about how she'd told their sisters all about it. Her sisters were laughing at her, they looked at her as a joke... That Vaggy, one of her sisters, would slander her like that was such a vicious blow when she was already down.

As she was thinking about the vicious blow, Adam walked up beside them, which got her so distracted that the recruit managed to get in a good kick right in her jaw. "Great job, Smaranda! Take advantage of the enemy's distraction!" she praised the newcomer through clenched teeth, while trying to regain her balance, both physically and figuratively. Adam sent her a worried glance, before asking her to come with him. She followed him to his office in silence, this time opting to keep her mask on.

"Hey, are you okay?" Adam asked.

Her normally impeccable posture, cultured in Sera's etiquette lessons and perfected through years of military training, slouched a little.

"If I'm not, that's not your problem to fix," she said, looking anywhere but at him.

"It is if it's affecting your job," he said.

Was it that obvious? She thought she'd done relatively well, considering the situation. Working so close with Adam was awkward, to put it mildly. Heartbreaking was probably a better word. And maybe she should've been praising Vaggy more for her performance, but she couldn't bring herself to utter her name.

"I'm sorry if I haven't been performing my best this past week," she said, looking down, "all of this came as a shock to me. I've tried to remain professional... I'm sorry if I have failed."

"You let Smaranda beat you up," he reminded her.

Rub it in, why don't you?!

"Gotta give her some sense of achievement," Lute replied, her jaw still hurting from the well-placed kick.

Adam gave her a skeptical look.

Realizing she sounded unconvincing, she continued. "I will straighten myself up. It won't happen again."

Adam drew his breath uncomfortably. "No, it won't. I... uh... I've been thinking about making some changes around here... Some changes... involving you."

Lute's face fell. What was this?!

"You and me working so close together is... a bit... difficult now, and so we... I think it's best that Vaggy becomes my new lieutenant..."

"You're... firing me?" Lute asked, more shocked than words could describe. Adam had literally taken millennia to get over her mother. And now he couldn't even give her a fucking week to get her shit together?! 

"Huh?! Fuck no, why the Hell would I do that?! You're my best fucking soldier! It's more like I'm... eh... downgrading you."

"Downgrading me... or degrading me?"

"Fuck Lute, don't take it like that, ba... bitch! It'll just be easier, that's all."

Lute couldn't believe this was actually happening. She couldn't allow this to happen. Not this, too. "Have you been unhappy with my performance?" she demanded.

"Don't be like that, Lute, come on! You know you're the best I've ever had. But Vaggy is doing fucking good, too! Give her a little bit of time and leadership experience, and I'm sure she'll be on par with you. And maybe it's time for someone else to get the chance, you know?"

"Why, because you're fucking her?!" Lute spat.

For a second, he looked at her as if she'd just said something very vulgar and shocking, which was.. weird, coming from him. "Isn't that how you got the job?" he threw back at her.

"Was it?" She felt so small, so humiliated. He wasn't allowed to make her feel like that! "I worked my fucking ass off to get here!"

Adam smirked. "You sure did."

She looked at him with disbelief. "If that's how it was, then..."

His expression changed. "Come on, Lute, it was just a joke! I might have given you a few... benefits over the years, but you got the job fair and square. And you've done better than I ever could've dreamed of. It's not that, okay? This will be good for you too - this job is your whole fucking life! Now, you can have time to do other stuff!"

"What kind of "stuff"?"

"You know, music and crafts and stuff! Not to mention the kill count you could have if you don't have to focus on other things during the Extermination! I'm ready to be impressed by your bad-assery! So, how's that?! Private Lute?"

He held his hand out for a fist-bump. She didn't bump it.

He sighed. "You'll also get to spend more time with your sisters. It'll do you a ton of good, actually - to get closer with them... I heard they're talking about you."

"What do you mean, talking about me?! Who the fuck told you that?!"

"Uh...does it matter? The thing is that they do, like, you know, disrespect you and shit."

"They wouldn't if that bitch girlfriend of yours didn't go around spreading fucking rumors about me!"

She hadn't planned to tell Adam about this, both because it seemed too absurd to even be true and she'd started to wonder if it was just a figment of her imagination, and he'd probably take his girlfriend's side anyway... but also because it meant that she might have to repeat to him the shit that Vaggy had told her.

"Oh, come on, Lute, I know this is tough for you and all, but you're not gonna stoop to that level, are you?!"

"What level?"

"Making up shit about Vaggy to make yourself look better, or whatever!"

Lute sent him a hurt look. "Have I ever lied to you?!"

"Yeah. Just last week. About St. Peter."

Was he really going to use that against her? Such humiliation. She looked down. "I'm not lying about this."

They both went silent for a little while.

"Please don't do this to me," Lute pleaded, breaking the silence. "You're right - I don't have anything else. Don't take this from me. Please."

Adam put his head in his hands. "You're making this more difficult than it has to be," he said. He drew his breath slowly, before taking on a more stern approach. "It's already been decided. You are hereby a common soldier, and you are to follow mine and Vaggy's orders. Are we clear?"

She shook her head in disbelief. "I'm not going to accept this."

"It's an order, Lute."

Being demoted to a common soldier, having to follow that bitch Vaggy's orders, while being laughed at by her sisters, all the while having to watch Adam and Vaggy being all lovey-dovey...

She narrowed her eyes, quickly removing her helmet, and throwing it as hard as she could at his face. "Fuck you, Adam, I quit!" she hissed.

"What the... Fuuuck, you can't quit! Nobody's ever quit!"

"Watch me!" she said through gritted teeth, before turning her back at him to leave.

"Damn you, princess! You think the rules don't apply to you!"

She flipped the door open.

"You're acting like a child!"

She turned and flipped him the finger, probably acting even more like a child, but so be it.

"Hey, come back! We need you!" Adam said in a pleading tone. Lute was out of his office now. He followed her down the hall.

"Heaven needs you! You've got obligations! Come on now!"

"I thought Vaggy was more than ready to take my place, I'm sure you'll do just great without me!" Lute retorted, before increasing her speed to shake him off.

"You know what, bitch, you can't fucking quit, because you're FUCKING FIRED!" Adam yelled after her.

As Lute flew out of the building, tears started streaming down her face. It made her vision blurry, and she almost flew into a group of her exorsisters.

"Whoa! What's going on, ma'am?!" one of them, which Lute now recognized as Jessica, asked.

"I quit! I fucking quit!" Lute cried angrily. She was trembling with fury. How ignominious! Humiliate herself in front of her sisters even more! They were probably already talking shit about her. But she was never going to see them again anyway, so it didn't matter.

"What happened?!" Hildr, one of the others, demanded.

"Go ask your fucking commander that!" Lute sobbed, ready to take off again.

"Lute, wait! Where are you going?" Glory sent her a worried glance.

"I'm gonna get a shitload of ice cream and feel sorry for myself!"

She took off before they had the time to ask her any more questions. Her sisters looked at each other with shock.

"How'd it go, babe?" 

Adam had been about to follow Lute to talk some sense to her/yell at her some more/beg her to come back when Vaggy appeared in the hall. 

He shook his head in disbelief. "She quit. Bitch fucking quit on me!"

"She quit?!" A strange sensation of joy filled Vaggy, she had to repress a smile. Instead she furrowed her brows into a worried look, while putting her hand on Adam's shoulder. She was worried. She was worried about Adam. She was worried about him and her, and that damn obsession he seemed to have with Lute. And she was honestly quite shocked that Lute had actually quit, that felt wrong somehow, even if it was a relief. That meant they'd lost their best soldier. That meant that Vaggy was now their best soldier... But it also meant that Lute could blabber. "Do you think she'll blabber?" Vaggy said, worried.

"Huh? Lute?! Blabber?"

"About the exterminations."

"Fuck." Adam thought about it. "Nah, she'd never." He sighed. "I'm fucking worried about her, though."

"I know. I know this was hard for you, babe," Vaggy said, trying to sound empathetic, while being deeply hurt by how much Adam seemed to care about his former lieutenant. She embraced him, leaning her head against his chest. "But Lute is fucking strong. She'll be fine. I'm sure she'll find some other good use of her talents. And that can be good for her, you know? To try something new?" 

"Yeah, you're probably right," Adam said hesitantly, while looking longingly after Lute. 

It didn't escape Vaggy's attention. "I'll make you forget all about that now," she said softly, caressing his chest and dragging his attention back to where it rightfully belonged; with her.

Chapter Text

Fuck Adam! Fuck the Heavenly Host! Fuck Heaven! And most of all, fuck Hell! And her parents, this was her parents' fault, she wasn't quite sure how, or why, but somehow it just was!

Lute had taken flight and flown as fast as she could out of the exorcist camp, which wasn't quite as fast as she would've wanted; her body wouldn't quite comply, and it worried her a bit. But she wasn't an exorcist anymore, so she supposed it didn't matter if her shape was off.

That cunt Vaggy had upstaged her! Taken her place in all possible ways! Lute had accepted that Adam had dumped her, that had been absolutely crushing, but it wasn't anybody's fault. It wasn't Vaggy's fault that she was so fucking irresistible or whatever. But this scheming shit she was doing?! Stab her in the back and twist the knife?

The thought of Adam sharing personal things about her with Vaggy... and that bitch laughing at her most vulnerable moments with what'd used to be her sisters... Why would he even talk about that? Had he felt like she was a millstone around his neck this whole time?

She suddenly realized she hadn't gotten to tell Adam about Smaranda's lack of progress. But Vaggy was smart enough to notice, she supposed. Come to think of it, Vaggy was probably so great that she'd come up with a new training regime so amazing that they'd all reach new levels of badass by the next Extermination. And Vaggy herself would end up making up for both Lute's and her own kill count, while at the same time keeping everyone in check.

Lute wiped her nose with the back of her gloved hand. She was being childish, wasn't she? Running away from everything like this. Adam was right; she was being irresponsible. But she'd hardly been allowed to behave like a child when she was little, so it was only right she'd let herself be childish and unreasonable now! At least for a little bit. Right?

She closed her eyes. Adam had been her closest friend, her boss, her lover... her only family... She'd grabbed a hold of him when she was young, and she'd been clinging to him for dear life since. And now she had lost him. Not just him either; her sisters too. Her home, her sense of belonging... She tried to remind herself that this had happened before - she'd lost absolutely everything, and everyone in her life before, and she'd only been a child then. She'd gotten through that, so she would get through this, too... Though she wasn't so sure there was much comfort in that; even if there had been moments of joy and happiness and pleasure and fun, there had been a lot more of this - this bottomless pit of hopelessness. 

She pushed the thought of Adam aside, there was only one thing she had in mind - she was going to get ice cream, loads of it, and drown herself in self pity, and nothing was going to stop her.

Tears were streaming down her face, she tried to wipe them away and calm herself a bit before landing in the square and getting in the line to the ice cream parlour. The line was long as fuck, and she had to wipe her eyes constantly to not be seen bawling like a baby in public, and as they slowly moved forward, she made sure not to meet the eyes of anyone.

She hoped no one would recognize her; back in the days when she was Sera's ward, everybody seemed to know who she was. People were always pointing and whispering. No one said anything mean exactly, she just overheard things like "Lucifer" and "Hell" and "demon", and it made her feel self conscious. There'd been quite a lot of representation back then; smiling and waving with Emily and Sera. Going to premieres and gallery openings, overseeing parades and meeting their - that meant Sera's and Emily's - subjects. Sometimes it was just the three of them, other times other important angels were with them. She'd always been the odd one out, no one was there to see her. Or if they were, that must've been out of morbid curiosity. She'd held a low profile since then, she looked like any other exorcist, didn't she?

It felt like ages before it finallynwas her turn. She ordered a large bowl of ice cream - chocolate and vanilla, nothing more. No sprinkles, she hated sprinkles. Her voice only broke a little as she ordered, and she was ready to go sit in the outskirts of the sidewalk café and indulge shamelessly in ice cream, when the man behind the counter stopped her.

"Hey, miss! You forgot to pay!"

She turned around and looked at him with horror, how could she have forgotten something as basic as money? "I don't have any money, sir," she said, tears starting to form in her eyes again as she put the bowl back on the counter. "I'm sorry, I-I forgot." Her voice broke.

"I already scooped your ice cream in the bowl, I'm afraid you'll have to pay for this, miss!"

Lute's first impulse was to run away, but that would be stealing. It was only now she realized that she owned absolutely nothing, even the clothes she was wearing, her uniform, was the property of the military. She had no money, nowhere to go, no one to turn to... Where was she even going to sleep tonight? Maybe a prison cell wouldn't be half bad? Did they even have prisons in Heaven? Having never been an adult outside of the armed forces, she hardly had any idea how things worked outside of the military camp, and it made her feel completely lost. In her mind she imagined headlines: "Lucifer's daughter caught stealing from the ice cream parlour!" She was being pathetic, she knew that, but right now she couldn't help it. She burst into deep sobs, looking down. This was so humiliating! She just wanted to hide somewhere, and now she was causing a scene in the middle of Heaven!

"Hey, what's going on here?" A shadow fell upon her as two angels descended beside her. There was something familiar about the voice, but she was too ashamed to look up.

"Wait, Lute, is that you?! Oh my Gosh, it really IS you! You're crying! What's wrong, sis?"

Could it really be... EMILY?! Lute hardly had the time to look up, before she felt a pair of arms around her, pulling her into a warm embrace. She leaned onto her sister's shoulder, crying like a child. "I left the army, I-I don't have any money..."

"Excuse me, who's going to pay for this ice cream?!" the ice cream man insisted.

"Can you take care of this, darling?" Emily said to the other angel, "oh, and get me an ice cream sundae with rainbow sprinkles!"

A male voice replied something Lute wasn't able to make out, and Emily put her arm around her and led her to a free table.

She hadn't spoken to Emily since she was sixteen. The day she moved out. She'd never wanted to lose touch with her sister, she'd imagined Emily would be the one to stay in touch; Emily knew where to find her, and Lute couldn't go back to what had been her home in fear of running into Sera. But Emily had never come to visit. Ironically, after she'd been appointed lieutenant, she'd had to deal with Sera regularly anyway.

"Hey, what happened? You left the army? But you love being an exorcist, don't you? I always hear people talk about how great you're at it," Emily said.

"Adam... he's got a new girlfriend... and, and he demoted me..." Lute sobbed.

"This is why God doesn't want us to engage in fornication, Lute," Emily said in the lecturing tone Lute could imagine someone would use to speak to a small child, "people end up being hurt, like you are now!" Her voice was so loud that Lute could practically feel people turning their heads to stare at her.

 "Uh, Em, maybe you should talk to your sister about this later. You know, in private," a familiar voice said, lowering his voice on the last two words. Lute looked up and saw St. Peter. He sent her a nervous smile, handing over her bowl of ice cream, which was now covered in rainbow sprinkles.

"Lute, this is Peter, my fiancé. And Peter, this is... oh, silly me, I forgot you two already know each other. It's been so long..."

"Fiancé?!" Lute exclaimed in shock. "Si-hince when?"

Emily looked guilty. "The last three years..." she said sheepishly.

Emily was engaged to St. Peter. But he had been on that date with her, being all inappropriate just last week! Lute tried to grasp what was going on, but she'd had such a hard time with that lately, it was as if her mind was stuck in mud or something. Then the reason for Emily's guilty expression dawned on her; her sister had been engaged for three years, and she hadn't even told her! Not that they had anything to do with each other at this point, but still that hurt so much. As she was just thinking this couldn't get any worse, she realized that Adam must have known. Adam saw Emily every single Sunday; there was no way he could've missed that. Why would he do such a thing to Emily? And even worse, why would he do such a thing to her?! He not only looked at her like some slut who wanted to be someone's plaything, he thought she was such a shitty person that she'd make a pass on her sister's fiancé? Be his fucking mistress?! And that would somehow do her good?! She let out a deep sob.

"I'm sorry I haven't told you..." Emily said insecurely. "When you moved out, I thought... you didn't want anything to do with me... I mean, you never came to visit or anything..."

Lute stared at her, shocked. She should say something, deny that had been the case, but she wasn't sure her voice would carry. She only now noticed that parts of Emily's hair was cut shorter, about the same length as her own, but otherwise she looked the same as she did when they were teens.

"I've missed you a lot, though," Emily said.

"I've missed you, too," Lute sobbed.

"Y-you have?! Really?"

Lute nodded, unable to speak without making her crying worse.

Emily moved her chair closer, and put her arm around Lute. "Hey, if you'd like, I would love for you to be my maid of honour. I... I honestly haven't asked anyone else, because... I wanted it to be you. But I thought it was, you know, weird to ask when we hadn't even spoken for so long..."

Lute didn't know how to react - she was honestly surprised Emily still seemed to care about her. She'd be honoured to be Emily's maid of honour, she was deeply touched that she would even ask her after all this time. But she couldn't support her marriage to St. Peter, could she? Not after what she knew about him. She should tell Emily, that was the right thing to do, wasn't it? ...but if there was one thing that was hammered into her from a very young age, it was that she must never hurt Emily. Emily must never know of all that is horrible - her goodness, her innocence, her light must not be tainted. It'd been Sera's number one rule, a rule Lute had done her best to honour. Not knowing how to respond and already having been pushed past her breaking point, she did something she normally wouldn't; she leaned against Emily and grabbed a hold of her hand. "I love you, Em," she sobbed.

Emily's eyes were turning watery, as well. "I love you, too! Promise me we'll never lose touch again!"

"I pro-homise!"

"Sisters forever?"

"Si-histers forever."

"Not to interrupt your... moment, but your ice cream is totally melting," St. Peter said apologetically.

"Aren't we a hot mess?" Emily laughed through the tears, addressing her fiancé. "Let"s dig in, Lute! A bit of ice cream and some sisterly love, and you'll feel better in no time!"

Lute tried to wipe her face with a napkin, ready to focus on the task before her - engage in the unholy act of gluttony. She hadn't had ice cream in so long that at this point it was but a rosy childhood memory. Maybe that was why it didn't live up to her expectations; as she put the spoon in her mouth, the feeling of heavenly bliss that she remembered wasn't coming. She tried a few more spoons. Ice cream didn't even taste good anymore. She could've blamed it on the sprinkles, but the ice cream itself had this nasty almost metallic aftertaste. She looked up at the others to see if they noticed, too, but they seemed to be enjoying theirs. She wanted to throw the ice cream at someone, like St. Peter, or that asshole behind the counter, or Adam. Most of all on Adam. But she didn't really have the right to be mad at him, did she? After all, she had blackmailed her way into the army. And she had thrown herself at him like a whore... She could blackmail her way back in, she supposed. For a moment she considered doing just that - demand to have her position back. But if she'd been unwanted and unwelcome all this time, what good would going back do her?

"So... uh... Lute, now you've left the army, where are you going to stay tonight?" St. Peter interrupted her thoughts, looking at her with an expression screaming "please don't tell on me". 

It was a valid concern that she hadn't had time to think about just yet. 

"You don't have anywhere to stay? Oh, come and stay with me, then! It'll be just like when we were growing up! We can watch movies and chat and sing and..." Emily kept going on about all they would do together, and Lute had to smile a little at her enthusiasm. She would figure out how to handle the St. Peter situation later. Right now she was just relieved that she wasn't alone in the world after all.

Chapter Text

"Uh, Lute?"

Emily was the only person Lute could imagine would do something as weird as to talk to her while she was throwing up.

She had been living with Emily for about a week, and she already felt like a massive burden. Despite all of Emily's ideas of activities they could do together, Lute had spent most of the time sleeping, sobbing like a baby, working herself up into borderline panic attacks, and sitting crouched over the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach. She supposed this was rock bottom. Fucking pathetic.

She didn't reply until she was finished, and slowly lifted her head from Emily's toilet. "Yeah?"

"You've been sick a lot lately..." Emily somehow managed to sound enthusiastic about her illness, as if it was something exciting and great. "I think you might be... expecting!" Her voice turned into a kind of squeal on the last word.

"Expecting what?" Lute mumbled, wiping her mouth with her hand.

"A baby, silly!" Emily giggled.

Lute furrowed her brows, still feeling absolutely shitty, and now confused as well. "That's not even possible."

"Why not? Have you not committed fornication?"

"Because..."

That's right, Emily didn't know she was dead...

Emily thought her parents, in an act of selfless sacrifice, had begged Sera to take their beloved child in, as Hell was no place to raise a child. And that Sera, out of the goodness of her heart, had let the cursed child enter Heaven. And she, Lute, was being selfish and ungrateful for not appreciating what her loving family had done for her. At least that was what Emily had told her when they were little.

But Adam was dead, too, so it shouldn't matter. "Adam's a winner. Winners can't have kids," she said matter-of-factly.

Emily scrunched her brows for a second, before breaking into a huge smile. "It's a miracle, then! To be honest, I once watched something they called a "soap opera" from Earth, and a lady was throwing up and stuff, and it turned out she was pregnant! So I figured that might be what was wrong with you, too. I put my hands on your belly while you were sleeping to check, and I am 100% sure you're having a baby girl!" Emily looked somewhat guilty, and Lute was uncertain if it was because she had watched sinful Earthly broadcasts, or because she had felt her belly without asking.

Was this some kind of sick joke? No, Emily would never do such a thing, she couldn't believe that. Emily wouldn't lie to her. She had been feeling extremely bad lately, her sense of taste and smell had been off, she'd been scatterbrained and she'd been throwing up. A lot. They didn't have diseases in Heaven, so if it hadn't been for the fact that she hadn't been to Hell for about ten months, she might have suspected demonic possession. If that was even possible for a Hellborn like herself. But could those be symptoms of pregnancy? She'd thought it was due to heartbreak and stress... Pregnancy was very rare in Heaven, as only Heavenborn could procreate, and they didn't often do so, so Lute knew very little about it. Could it really be a miracle?! For her? Would God really have blessed her like this?! She could hardly think of any worse timing... but she'd heard people say that when God closes a door, he always opens a window. Or something to the like. She closed her eyes and sent a silent prayer thanking God if she really was having a baby. Even if the thought terrified her, she knew she wouldn't get such a chance again.

"I'm going to be an auntie!" Emily exclaimed with excitement. "Oh, oh, oh, and your baby can call me auntie Em, just like in that movie! It would be so cool if you named your daughter Dorothy!" Emily burst into some song about rainbows.

Lute had no idea what the fuck Emily was even talking about. "Wait! You are absolutely sure that I'm having a baby?" she asked, still confused. "And it's a girl?"

"100% sure!" Emily replied.

"Wow."

"Superwow!"

Lute swallowed. She still had that bitter acidic taste in her mouth that she'd gotten so well acquainted with the last couple of weeks. Maybe the timing wasn't so bad after all; if she'd still been in the army, her baby might have gotten hurt during training. Not that she would have been able to participate in training at this point... And if she'd d gone down to Hell, then... The thought of that honestly freaked her out; she knew damn well how demons were preying on pregnant women - they were the perfect victims of demonic possession. And that nasty air... and the drugs! Her baby could've gotten seriously hurt!

Her baby... that felt so strange to say, yet it filled her with warmth and hope and excitement. Instinctively her hand moved down to her belly. It didn't feel any different. Yet she was feeling different, she had for a few weeks now, and now that Emily had told her, she knew that it was true; life was growing inside of her. She was blessed.

Then came the doubts. She had no idea how to be a mother. She knew she didn't want to be like Sera. Or like her own mother, though her mother must have done something right, because she still remembered that feeling of sheer devastation over losing her. She'd loved her mother dearly, more than anything. And her mother had abandoned her, left her to her own devices. What if she would fail her daughter like that? No, she wouldn't - she would NEVER let that happen.

Emily sat down beside her and put her arm around her underneath her wings. "You can stay here as long as you want, okay? And I'd be thrilled if you want to stay here with the baby!"

"Really?"

"Of course! I absolutely LOVE babies! Oh, that would be almost like when we were growing up! I need to get Sera to teach me how to do that shadow play thing she used to do when we were kids."

The thought of her childhood made Lute shudder. Her baby's life would be nothing like that! If nothing else, she would make sure of that.

For some reason Emily seemed to look back at their childhood with joy. When Emily had taken her home from the ice cream parlour, Lute had told her why she hadn't stayed in touch, which Emily seemed completely surprised about, she apparently couldn't understand why Lute would have any kind of problem with Sera. Maybe things hadn't been as bad as she thought they were? There had been nice things, too... Like Sera's shadow plays - after their evening prayers, Sera would put on a shadow play for them - some Bible story or morality play. Lute vividly remembered when she did her parents's fall from grace. It was been completely mesmerizing... Was she overreacting? Was it all in her mind? If both Adam and Emily were totally fine with being around Sera, then... maybe Lute herself was the problem? She was the one who couldn't get along with anyone. Shit, she was gonna be a terrible mother, wasn't she?!

"Emily," Lute started insecurely, "do you think I'll make a good mother?"

Emily pulled her closer. "Of course you will! You were always so good at everything! I always admired that with you; you just made everything seem so easy!"

"Who, me?!"

"Yeah, you, silly! You and Sera always had that regal and poised thing down, while I was a total mess! My perfect big sister - sisters! Uh... our family is kind of confusing, isn't it?!" Emily chuckled a little, before turning serious again. "I'll be there to help you, okay? Sisters forever, right?"

"Right," Lute said, relieved Emily would be there for her, she didn't take that for granted.

"So, do you want me to invite Adam over tonight, so you can share the happy news?"

Lute looked at her with horror. Shit, she would have to tell Adam. Not only that, she would have to deal with Adam. She had no idea how he would take this... She wasn't even sure how much contact Adam had with his kids - those that had ended up in Heaven, that was. She knew he met them occasionally, but he spent holidays with Emily and Sera... 

And how would she take seeing him again?

She'd gone back to the camp once - to return her uniform. She'd hoped they hadn't changed the schedule, afraid she'd run into anyone. But the dorm had been empty. So she'd put her washed and neatly folded uniform in her old bed, taking a moment to say a mental goodbye to what had been her home for so many years, before turning her back on life as she knew it.

"Adam is the father of your child, right?" Emily asked. "Or aren't you sure?"

"Of course he is," Lute replied, offended her sister would even ask. "Do you think I'm some kind of cheap slut or something?"

Emily shrugged, whatever that was supposed to mean, but Lute was too weak and unfocused to take too much offense.

She wondered what Adam was doing now. Probably having some romantic candlelit dinner with Vaggy. Or fucking her up against the headboard of his bed. While she was here, pregnant with his child apparently, being all kinds of sick and broken. And he probably wasn't even thinking about her at all. The thought of that was so sad and lonely, it felt wrong, it shouldn't be like this, he should've been here with her, holding her and sharing what should be a happy occasion.

She let her thoughts wander to the last couple of times she'd been with him. She assumed that was when they had conceived the child. Had things been different? Had he been different? She hadn't noticed anything. Had he been thinking about Vaggy when he'd fucked her? When they conceived this child?! That was disgusting, and completely devastating. It felt like such a... violation. As if that bitch had been a part of something intimate, something private, something sacred... As if she had a part in their child, too.

Fuck you, Vaggy! Lute thought, Adam may have chosen you. But God chose me!

She quickly sent a prayer asking forgiveness for such unholy thoughts.

"So, I'm sending him a message then," Emily said.

"No!" Lute exclaimed.

"Why not?" Emily looked at her with surprise.

"I... I just found out about it myself. I need some time to come to terms with this before..."

"Isn't it better to just say it now, though? I mean, he has a right to know, Lute." 

"I WILL tell him, okay? Just... not yet."

Lute stared down at the yellowish foamy goo in the toilet bowl, that stuff that came when there was nothing else left in her stomach - gall or whatever the fuck that was. She rested her arms and head on the toilet seat, closing her eyes.

"Don't be sad now," Emily said. "You've been blessed!"

"I know, I just... I just wish that Adam was here. With me," she said. Was it really that hard to understand? "I mean, not with her."

"I understand. But... you kinda brought this upon yourself, you know. Me and Peter are saving ourselves for marriage. You know, if you give away the goods with no strings attached, why would anyone commit?"

Lute let her gaze sink. Emily was right. She had brought this upon herself. She had initiated everything with Adam. She was the one who had asked him to train her. But Emily's approach wasn't working as well as she thought, either; St. Peter was obviously looking elsewhere. But she couldn't say anything about that now, she was completely dependent on Emily. She was grateful for Emily. But Emily wasn't Adam. Emily was probably a better support than Adam, yet he was what she craved, what she needed, what would've made her feel safe.

"Lighten up now - everything's going to be perfect, just as God intended it," Emily said reassuringly, before putting her hand on Lute's belly again. "WOW! Her energy.. her light is so strong! I mean, I don't really have anything to compare it with, but... WOWIE! And I just know your daughter is going to be the most gorgeous baby in all of Heaven!" she continued enthusiastically. "I mean, I shouldn't be comparing babies' looks, but... OH MY GOSH - a mix between you and Adam?! She's gonna be so pretty! With those eyes! Can you imagine?!"

Lute closed her eyes, pushing away all the conflicting thoughts and feelings. She tried to imagine hers and Adam's child. Her hand moved back to her tummy. WOW. She had always felt like she was cursed. But maybe she wasn't cursed after all.

Vaggy leaned her head against the headboard of Adam's bed. Adam was asleep next to her, and as any totally normal girlfriend, she took the opportunity to go through his phone. The pin code was easy - just a bunch of ones. The first man, and her number 1. Vaggy giggled - Adam could be so silly... She found that so endearing. But her smile faded as she accessed his phone. The sheer amount of photos that guy had in his gallery was astonishing. Hundreds of photos, and most of them seemed to be of her - that demon bitch. Vaggy felt completely overwhelmed, and a bit guilty for looking at something that wasn't meant for her eyes. But she wasn't doing anything wrong, was she? Partners weren't supposed to have secrets for eachother, right?

She probably shouldn't have, but her intrusive thoughts had made her open the folder named Babez, and carefully go through - that meant closely studying and comparing herself to the "babe" depicted - all of the photos. They weren't all of Lute, quite a few were of other chicks - she recognized some of her other sisters in positions and situations she instantly regretted looking at (but she studied them all the same). But the vast majority was of her, and she studied them more closely than the others. It looked like something out of a fucking porn! It left a foul taste in Vaggy's mouth, memories of her human life started to resurface... Bad memories, things she tried to forget... Did Adam expect her to do that kind of perverted stuff? Why had he kept those photos?! Did he still look at them?!

The worst thing was that she could kinda understand why. As she studied everything about her - her ass, her cunt, her boobs, her facial expressions, feeling that she herself came out with the short end of the stick, Vaggy had to admit to herself that Lute was... hot... Must be her demonic charms, some devilish spell or something. Of course Vaggy couldn't compete in bed with a fucking succubus! Why was Lute even in Heaven in the first place?! Or even more fucked up; how could a demon be an exorcist?! Vaggy supposed it took one to know one... She already knew the answers to both of those questions, of course - Adam had told her. Yet she said the Angelic salutation and sprinkled some holy water over both Adam and herself, to remove any traces of demonic glamour.

Maybe she could... post the pictures online? Humiliate Lute, make everyone see what kind of a demonic slut she was... But that could probably be traced back to her... or to Adam... Lute would likely think Adam had posted those pictures... that would make her hate him, wouldn't it? ...But if Adam found out Vaggy was behind it, it might also make Adam hate her... And to be fair, Lute hadn't actually done her anything, except for being in her way, that was. Even when Vaggy had humiliated her and gloated right in her face, Lute'd just told her to leave her alone. They had been sisters, not enemies, and she supposed she still respected her...

Vaggy sighed. This was her jealousy and insecurity speaking. She needed to get herself together. Adam probably hadn't deleted those photos because he never looked at them anyway. She put the phone down on the night stand and snuggled up close to her boyfriend. Adam had chosen her. As his girlfriend, as his lieutenant. She had nothing to worry about.

Chapter Text

Adam pressed Emily's doorbell, and a beautiful little melody sounded.

He'd never been to Emily's before, but she had messaged him and asked him to

"Come to dinner at my house tonight. We need to talk, it's very important. Don't bring your girlfriend.

Love, Emily <3<3<3"

He wondered what the fuck was so important; he usually chilled with "Naked and afraid" at this time of day. He liked to watch survival stuff - it was something he knew a lot about, after all.

Shit, could Emily have found out about the exterminations?!

He didn't get to explore that thought any further, as Emily opened the door and welcomed him with a bright, shining smile.

Once inside, he looked around Emily's cozy living room, and saw St. Peter sitting by the dining table, but couldn't see Sera, which was odd, since he'd already been twenty minutes late when he left home. 

"Okay, now that everyone's here, I'll just tell Lute that dinner's ready."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lute is here?!" Adam exclaimed.

"Yeah, she's been living here since... since she left the army," Emily said innocently.

So this was where she had been hiding. That made sense, he supposed. Lute didn't know that many people outside of the exorcists, as far as he knew. He was surprised Emily had managed to keep her mouth shut about this for months, though. Sera had been pretty damn upset with him for losing track of her precious hostage. But as long as Lute hadn't left Heaven, they'd had nothing to worry about in regards to Hell. He'd still worried about her quite a lot, though. But Vaggy just got so fucking difficult whenever he mentioned Lute, so he'd just let that rest. It was quite the relief to know Lute'd been safe and sound with Emily all this time.

His heart started beating a little faster as Emily called for Lute, and he heard her answer something he couldn't quite make out. This was sure going to get interesting... 

Lute took her time before finally opening the door and stepping out into the living room. Upon seeing him, her eyes widened with shock, and she instinctively took a step back.

The moment he saw her face, he knew. Something about the way her face was drawn, the see-throughness of her skin, something about her eyes that he couldn't quite put his finger on... A quick glance at her bosom and belly confirmed what he already knew.

"You're with child," he said in an archaic way unusual to him. It was a statement, not a question; if there was one thing Adam knew a lot about it was the female body. He knew damn well what a pregnant woman looked like, even if it might not have been immediately noticeable to an untrained eye.

Lute took another step back, supporting herself against one of Emily's bookshelves.

"Is it... mine?" he asked.

"Of course it's yours, do you think my sister is some kind of slut or something?"

To Adam's surprise, Emily had flown up beside him, speaking in a way he'd never heard her speak before. He ignored her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he said, turned to Lute.

Lute looked bothered. She let her gaze fall. Everything about her made it obvious that she hadn't been aware he was coming, and it pissed him off.

"Huh? You must've known for months by now! Were you gonna keep this from me or what?! Damn, that's cold, bitch!"

"Don't you dare talk to my sister like that! Lute's been really sick. If you wanted to keep track of how many kids you've got, you shouldn't have been sleeping around!"

To have Emily talk to him like that was... shocking, but his focus was on Lute. And to know that Lute had someone in her corner who would defend her fiercely, felt comforting in a way. He didn't think she'd had too much of that. A pang of guilt hit him - in a lot of cases, that person should've been him, shouldn't it? 

"I'm sorry," Lute mumbled, turned halfway away from him. "I was going to tell you, I just... I've been really ill, and I... wasn't strong enough... to face you."

She'd covered herself with her arms, as if she was... afraid of him? That he would harm the child, or some shit? That was all kinds of fucked up, quite offensive honestly. He swallowed. He needed to calm himself down. He slowly drew his breath in. 

"Hey, I shouldn't have yelled at you. I just... I didn't even know you were gonna be here. And then this stuff..." He gestured towards her belly.  

She didn't meet his gaze.

"You've been throwing up and shit?" he asked.

She nodded.

"You know, Eve had that shit bad."

"She did?"

"Yeah. I thought I was gonna lose her more than once." 

"Oh."

Awkward silence fell upon them. 

"But you're better now?"

"A bit."

"Good, I know all about that shit, it's the fucking worst."

"Yeah."

He walked up behind her, putting his hand on her belly. His touch made her wince; being so near him made her feel uncomfortable. But she supposed that as the baby's father he had some kind of right to touch her belly whether she liked it or not. So she reluctantly grabbed a hold of his hand, and led it to where she could feel her - their baby move.

He pressed his hand a bit firmer against her belly, it took a second or two before he could feel the subtle movement. "Shit," he said slowly. "I never thought I'd get to experience this again!" 

He was much too close to her now. It made her feel weak - even weaker than she already did. Too weak to put up any kind of defense against him. Too weak to protect herself - her pride, her heart, her mind - against falling back into that pitfall of deception that her mind was so inclined to lull her into. Every particle of her soul wanted to give in to her desire to lean on him. If he had the right to touch her, she had the right to lean on him, didn't she? Even if things were the way they were, she carried his child. It was only fair that he'd carry a bit of her weight. So she let her head fall back to rest against his shoulder, let herself be weak in his arms. He didn't seem to mind. It felt like such a relief.

"I'm scared," Lute said softly, she didn't want Emily and St. Peter to hear this. St. Peter already knew way too much about her, and Emily had witnessed too many of her lowest moments.

"Why?" Adam asked.

"I don't know how to be a mother."

"No shit, you haven't exactly hung around kids much, have you?"

She shook her head.

"Hey, if there's one thing I know about you, it's that you work damn hard on mastering whatever it is that you want to learn. You'll be a great mom, Lute."

"You really think that?"

"I know that."

The baby suddenly gave Lute an unusually good kick, making them both flinch.

"Holy fucking shitballs, not even born yet, and already kicking ass! You take after your mommy, don't you?" Adam said, his voice filled with amazement.

To be referred to as "mommy" felt unfamiliar and nice at the same time. She wondered how it would be to hear her own child call her that. Her child would love her - poor thing didn't have much choice... But she could fuck this up - like her own mother had.

"I wonder if it's a boy or a girl." Adam's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Emily says it's a girl."

"A little girl, huh? She's gonna be so pretty, just like her mom." He whispered the last words into her ear. His arms felt protective around her, his words sweet, like those of a lover, of a partner. But he wasn't. Not hers, at least.

"Your girlfriend won't be too happy about this," Lute said, needing to remind herself of the reality of the situation.

Adam gave it a little pause before answering. "Well, she'll just have to deal with it. Babies before bitches!"

They stood in silence like that for a little while, he still had his hands on her belly and she was still leaning on him. A lot of things were unsaid between them.

"Let's go and sit down," he finally said, putting his arm around Lute and leading her over to the dining table. She seemed weak enough to need it.

He sat her down, before moving his chair closer to hers, so he could put his hand on her belly again. She looked up at him insecurely, and he looked at her with awe. It was a look she had seen before - a long time ago, when she was young and they'd just started their sexual relationship, he'd looked at her like that a lot... And sometimes later, too, after they'd fucked, he'd looked at her that way; like she was some amazing valuable treasure. It made her feel all warm inside, yet she realized that this time, it wasn't her who made him look that way - it was their child. And even if she was relieved that he felt that way about their daughter - she knew that wasn't a given - it made her feel like... a vessel. But she knew she should be grateful he'd taken this well, she knew she should be grateful he felt this way about their child, her feelings came second, they didn't matter anyway. She was being selfish and petty and unreasonable, but she just wished he would care about her, too. The way she cared about him. But it was too much to ask - she'd been blessed by God, she'd been given a miracle, there was no place for being self-absorbed. She sent a quick prayer to God, asking for strength and faith.

"So, now the cat's out of the bag, let's all share a toast for this happy occasion!" Emily said, interrupting Lute's introspection.

"Congratulations to the parents-to-be!" St. Peter lifted his glass for a toast.

"Hell yeah!" Adam exclaimed. "These balls still got it! First guy to knock a bitch up ever, and now first one to knock a bitch up in the afterlife! Hey, how did this even happen, though?!"

"It's a miracle of God!" Emily squealed.

"A miracle, huh?" Adam tasted the words, trying to make sense of them. "Damn right, it's a fucking miracle! Hey, I just realized, this is the original human bloodline, you know, the bloodline God originally intended. Albeit with some angelic meddling, but that's pretty fucking awesome!" 

He turned to Lute. "You're pretty fucking awesome, babe!"

His praise made her smile a little.

Ten minutes later Adam was on to giving graphic descriptions of how he'd delivered all of his children and all the horrors of childbirth. 

"Yeah, Eve was a fucking tough bitch!" he said. "But damn, I'm glad there weren't wings to think about as well. And are angels born with halos? Because if they are, that's pretty fuckin'... Hey, what the fuck was that?!" He directed his gaze at Peter, who, after trying to discreetly gesture to him to tone it down for the longest time, had given him a solid kick in the shin. 

"Oh, sorry, it was totally an accident," Peter said with a wide smile, while nervously gesturing over at Lute, who sat with her head down, looking deeply uncomfortable.

It wasn't so much that Lute was afraid of childbirth, though Adam's descriptions were pretty damn brutal. Had she not felt completely depleted, she would probably have looked at it as some sort of challenge. But there was something so humiliating about pregnancy - it made everything so visual. It made it known to everyone that she had let a man stick his dick into her and let him cum deep into her cunt. It made something extremely private known and visible, and it made people seem to think it was okay to touch her and talk about stuff regarding her private parts as if it was anybody else's business.

It took a few seconds before Adam realized what Peter meant. "Oh... Hey, you're a damn tough bitch, too, you'll be fine, babe!" he said reassuringly. "And you're in good hands - I'm telling you, I know my stuff! Stargazer, breech, multiples... been there, done that!" He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "I'll get you through anything, hun!"

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Emily said triumphantly.

"He yelled at me," Lute said.

"Yeah, he shouldn't have done that... but... I kind of understand him - you should have told him before, you know," Emily said, nodding her head to emphasize.

Lute wondered if anybody had ever yelled at Emily, and how she would react if someone did. She looked down. If both Adam and Emily thought she'd done something wrong, she probably had. But she just hadn't been able to bring herself to meet with him; not after everything that had happened, not when she was so weak in all possible ways. Didn't that count for anything?

She supposed it didn't - she should've swallowed her pride and her fear and her heartbreak, and faced him as soon as she found out. Maybe that was one of the "quirks" of being a Hellborn - maybe her thoughts and feelings didn't work the same way as those of normal people - Earthborn and Heavenborn. She hoped she wouldn't pass that innate fucked-up-ness to her child.

"Aww, don't give me that pouty face, sis! This is a joyful day! Adam knows, and he's super exited about it!"

Lute gave her a pale smile. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Emily stroke her cheek tenderly. "Everything's gonna get better from here. Adam knows now, and you're a lot better than you were just a few weeks ago. I just need to fatten you up a bit, so you regain some strength. You've gotten awfully skinny! Can't have little Dorothy starve in there!"

Lute rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile a little. "Her name isn't Dorothy," she said for what felt like the millionth time.

Emily sent her a cheeky look, before turning serious. "Try to relax a bit. You needn't worry so much! This is Heaven, things are gonna work out! Can't you just try and enjoy the moment, for once?"

Lute wasn't so sure she could. But maybe she could try?

Chapter Text

Adam left Emily's in an elated state, yet as the chill outside air hit his face, his thoughts started to wander back to Eve's first pregnancy. They had just been kicked out of Eden, they were naked and afraid, left to fend for themselves in an unfriendly and foreign environment. They had frozen, they had starved - in the beginning they'd been too afraid to even pick fruits off the trees, because of that whole apple incident.

Both death and procreation was unknown to them; they'd been informed of their punishment, but they did not yet understand what that meant. They'd had their instincts, and not much more. Pretty soon Eve had started to get so sick that he'd basically had to take care of everything. Finding shelter, keeping warm, getting food, protecting them from harm... He'd studied the other creatures around them, looked at what they ate and how they fetched their food. That's how he first encountered death - he'd seen animals fall to the ground, unable to move or breathe...  and plants turning brown and dry, no longer bearing seeds... He'd killed his first prey with his bare hands, being so afraid that Eve would die on him, not understanding what was happening to her, why she was so sick, why her belly was growing... all the while feeling so fucking betrayed by her for what had happened between her and Lucifer... loving her and hating her at the same time... She'd been completely dependent on him, and he'd had to take care of her, even if there were times he'd rather not see her at all... and she'd been so humble, begging him for forgiveness for her foolishness. A forgiveness he could never quite seem to give.

He slowed down. Thinking of Eve and the family they'd created always made his stomach sink and his throat thicken.

The birth of Cain had been absolutely horrifying, and had he not thought Eve would die before, he certainly did then. The astonishment of seeing this tiny little... human... come out of her... The shock, the joy, the fear...  Later, when he'd figured out the relationship between fucking and pregnancy, he'd started to wonder if he really was Cain's father... with all the shit that uncertainty had brought about. 

Huh, if Lucifer actually was Cain's father, that meant Cain and Lute were half-siblings. That was kinda fucked up. But not more fucked up than the rest of his family tree, he supposed. People always made such a fuss about who he fucked - Eve was made from his rib, that was fucked up, any of his descendants were off limits, it was allegedly abusive to fuck his subordinates, not to mention his ex-wife's daughter, who'd also been too young, and that was wrong, too. Anyone who wasn't a fucking Heavenborn or Lilith, basically. But he supposed Lilith was off limits now, too, just because he'd fucked her daughter. Nowadays people even complained about fucking age difference with people who were hundreds or thousands of years old. The fuck was a poor man to do then?! Live in celibacy?!

He let out an irritated grunt - he'd have to tell his kids. He had no fucking idea how they would take getting a little half-sister, but he could already imagine their fucking nagging - they were the worst when it came to criticizing his sexlife... and him having a kid with Lucifer and Lilith's daughter was probably not gonna go over too well...

Speaking of Lilith, he'd have to tell her at some point, too. She'd been so excited at the thought of being a grandmother. She deserved to know. That was gonna get ugly... Maybe she didn't have to know that he was the baby's father? Or... he could say he'd gotten with Lute after he'd ended things with her?

...And then there was Vaggy. Fu-uck, she wasn't gonna be happy about this. He hadn't even cheated on her, yet he just knew she'd throw one of her jealous fits. Stoic as she may seem, bitch was fucking dramatic.

Adam didn't notice that he'd stopped and was leaning against a wall. He'd never thought about having children in his afterlife. But knowing he'd spread his seeds against all odds, and feeling the small movements of this precious little angel - his and Lute's daughter - was the most exciting thing he'd experienced since he got to Heaven. Joyous as the occasion was, though, he was worried about Lute. She was of a rather sturdy build with nice childbearing hips, but she was quite a bit shorter than Eve had been. And he was a big man... And this was a baby angel with wings and all of that... But... maybe Lilith hadn't been cursed with the painful childbearing stuff? If so, that was fucking unfair to Eve... but it would be a good thing for Lute, at least. He'd hate to see her go through that fucked up shit.

Adam turned around and took flight, he wasn't going home right away, there was someone he needed to talk to first.

"Sera, hi!" Adam said in what he hoped sounded like a casual tone.

"Adam?" Sera said, looking confused, and then worried. "Is something wrong?"

"Wrong? No! What, I can't just come visit you without any ulterior motive?"

"You don't exactly run down my doors," Sera said, looking somewhat... hurt? "Do come in!"

She offered him a cup of tea, and they sat down at her dining table.

"Spit it out, Adam!" Sera demanded.

"What?! I... I just came to see you, that's all. You know, just have a little chat and..."

Sera's skeptical look made him crumble.

"I just... uh... I just suddenly started wondering if, you know... uh... if Lilith was cursed the same way Eve was. You know, with the childbirth stuff..." Fuck, he was such a bad liar.

Sera looked confused again for a second, before she furrowed her brows.

"Are you asking because of Lilith... or because of someone else in her bloodline?"

He felt like she was looking right through him. "I... eh... heheh..."

"Adam," Sera said in a serious manner, "is Lute pregnant?'

Adam's face went through several different expressions. "Uh... maybe...?"

"Adam!"

"Fine! Yes! She is, okay?"

Sera looked worried. "That shouldn't be possible..." she said, more to herself than to Adam.

"No shit. Emily says it's a miracle."

"Emily?! How does she know?"

"Lute's been living with her since she quit, apparently."

"Of course," Sera said, slowly making sense of things. She scrunched her brows, before her face turned into a big smile, "but these are wonderful news, Adam! A miracle! A baby! That will be wonderful for Lute!"

Adam wasn't sure what he had expected, but it wasn't this.

"Yeah, but I just... fuck, I don't want her to go through that horrible shit that Eve had to go through! That was fucking brutal!"

Sera became thoughtful. "I'm afraid I don't know about the curses of Lilith. But I think you can assume they would be similar to those of Eve."

"Yeah..." he said, "she's already been really sick and shit, I guess that's part of it." But Lilith hadn't been cursed with death, he thought. Perhaps eternity spent in Hell was considered worse. He tended to agree.

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Sera's face lit up again. "Remember how Emily and Lute used to play with their porcelain dolls?" she said enthusiastically, casting a glance over at the little table in the corner, still neatly set with tiny porcelain cups and a tea pot, two porcelain dolls resembling their owners sitting in each their tiny chair, a vintage doll pram next to them.

A memory of two little girls, dressed to the nines, complete with gloves and bows in their hair, each holding a porcelain doll, entered Adam's mind. Emily dragging his arm, making him take part in their - or maybe it was just her - tea party. Her constant high-pitched blabbering worsening his already terrible headache, while the little devil girl - that would be Lute - was glaring at him with those demonic eyes, all the while whispering to her dolly in a way that made Adam feel like she was cursing him in some devilish way... though that had probably just been his hung-over paranoia talking. He wasn't sure if it was a single memory or a mixture of several different ones - or an afterhand construction. Either way, it made him feel sorry for Lute - growing up as the only Hellborn in Heaven couldn't have been too easy.

He looked over at Sera, whose smile had faded into a strained expression that made Adam uncomfortable, and not without good reason: Sera's fond memory of her girls innocently playing with their porcelain dolls, had soon given way to another, less wholesome memory.  

"...Don't cry, Lutie patootie, daddy will have to hurt you a little bit, but it will soon be over."

The words spoken in the little girl's dry voice made Sera peek out from the kitchen to see her little niece sitting with her dolly on her lap, a toy knife held to the dolly's throat. She wriggled the doll as if she was struggling, while letting out halfhearted cries of "no", "daddy, please stop" and "mommy, help me". Emily, who'd been playing with the doll pram not far away had stopped in her tracks, and was watching her sister's roleplay with wide eyes and her mouth half open.

"Lutie Darling," Sera interrupted, "auntie Sera wants to talk to you in the kitchen."

The little girl looked up at her, surprised to be pulled out of her game so suddenly. Her expression quickly shifted to one Sera could hardly interpret as anything but fear, before hastily bowing her head and getting up to follow her aunt's instructions.

"That... game you were playing..." Sera said after making sure the door was closed behind them, "it's not a very happy game, is it?" 

"It's what.."

"I know what it is," Sera interrupted, trying to make her voice and face as gentle and kind as she managed. "What... happened down there... it wasn't very... nice, was it? It made you feel very sad and scared, didn't it?"

The little girl nodded her head. 

"So, it is best that you don't think about it anymore. You don't want to make Emily sad and scared, too, do you?"

Lute shook her head, almost apathetically. 

"Good. What happened in Hell, stays in Hell, do you understand?"

"Have I been a bad girl?" The devastation on the little girl's face made Sera uneasy.

"No, child," Sera said, starting to suspect she was handling this situation all wrong, "you didn't know. Auntie Sera's not mad at you. But if I see you do it again, I will be very mad. Is that clear, lamb?"

Lute nodded, and Sera felt like she needed to ease the atmosphere. "Auntie Sera wants you only to play games that make you happy. Try to forget about what happened down there... Be a good girl, and go and play now. Something nice and wholesome. You can... feed your dolly, or put her to bed. Take care of her. No knives. No... sacrifices."

Lute nodded again without looking at Sera before going back to the living room, where Sera watched her sit quietly for a while with her dolly on her lap until Emily dragged her along for some presumably more wholesome game.

Sera shuddered, before shaking off the unsettling memory. She had failed immensely as a caretaker. But even if what was done couldn't be undone, she wanted to do what she could for Lute and this new child now. She grabbed her crochet hook and balls of blue and pink yarn, looking undecidedly between the two colours.

Adam watched her indecision with a certain amusement, before helping her out. "It's a girl," he said.

She grabbed the pink one, and started on what was to be a baby blanket. Sera loved making things with her hands. It was so much more satisfying to make something than to just magically summon it. After both her girls had moved out, she had taken up crafts like tapestry, embroidery and crochet. Working with her hands had a certain therapeutic effect: Something that demanded her concentration, yet was rather simple and straightforward, ending in a tangible result. It felt satisfying, and she knew when she mastered it, and how to fix it if something went wrong. So much unlike her Heavenly duties. "How far along is she? I need to get her measurements for the wedding dress."

"Th-the what?!"

"You will have to marry, of course."

Adam choked on his tea, coughing heavily.

Sera ignored him. "It's already been several months, we need to make this wedding happen as soon as possible to minimize the scandal."

"Uh... Aren't you forgetting something?!" Adam said, after somewhat regaining his breath and composure.

"What?"

"I'm already married!"

"To whom?!"

"To Eve!"

Sera looked at him, speechless.

"What?! Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Adam," she said. "Death did you part. Did you think you were married to Eve this whole time?!"

"Uh, yeah?"

Sera looked bewildered, before she frowned. "So you thought you were committing adultery this whole time!?"

"Hey, Eve isn't here! What's a poor man to do?"

Sera pinched the bridge of her nose, somehow feeling this was another one of her failures. She drew her breath, then let it out in a sigh. "Well, you're not bound to Eve anymore. I will expect you to take Lute as your wife and take proper care of your child."

He was no longer bound to Eve. He was no longer bound to Eve? That felt wrong. Like a gutpunch. Even after all this time, and all these bitches, he felt bound to Eve. They belonged together. Adam and Eve. He felt like he was losing something, everything... But there were more urgent things at hand, so he tried to shake that feeling off.

"Yeah, well, that's not the only problem," he said, putting his head in his hand. "What about Vaggy?"

"Who?"

"Vag... Vagatha! My girlfriend! And lieutenant. You met her just last week!"

"Is she pregnant, too?"

"No."

"Then there is no problem."

Adam drew his breath. "I'm not so sure Lute would even want to," he said. 

Sera looked astonished. "Are you completely blind, Adam?! God did not create you to be so stupid! She's been following you around like a puppy dog since she was fifteen, doing anything you bid. And besides, she's a reasonable young lady, she will do what is right."

Adam let his head sink down on his arms.

"Do not act as if this is some sort of punishment I've bestowed upon you. You'll be hard pressed to find someone more loyal and obedient to you than Lute."

"That's probably true..." he said hesitantly.

"And she won't fall prey to Lucifer."

"Ugh, fuck Sera, don't even go there!"

"She will make a good wife for you."

"I never said she wouldn't! I just... ugh... this is just really new to me, you know. I'm seeing someone else, for Christ's sake!"

"Do you want your child to be born out of wedlock?"

"No," he said after a little pause, "of course not."

Sera sighed. "Every single time we are gathered, I think about Lute, and why she's not with us. I took everything from her, and expected her to thank me for it. I practically drove her into your arms. She was not much more than a child, like a kitten rubbing herself against your leg and clawing at you to get your attention. And yet I put most of the blame on her. I know I failed that child. I should have stopped your... sinful activities as soon as I found out about it, but she left me powerless to protect her. Perhaps I should have risked her exposing everything to keep her away from you... But I will do what I can to make it right now. I've let this go on for much too long. If she was good enough to bed, she should be good enough to wed. It's about time you make her an honorable woman."

Adam was quite sure the lewd images he got in his head of Lute on her hands and knees wearing cat ears and painted on whiskers and nothing more, rubbing her head against his leg and clawing at him was not what Sera had in mind, so he pushed the image away. "Yeah, well, it's not that I'm opposed to marrying her, it just... I just need to get used to the idea, I guess. I... fuck, I've never even thought about getting married again. So you needn't fucking lecture me, Sera! I'm fucking excited about this, you know!"

Sera looked pleased. "Good. There's a lot that needs to be done, and not much time."

"Hey there, milkytits!" Adam stood in the doorway to her room, looking down at her nonchalantly. 

Lute had been lying down in her bed, taking a rest after the unexpectedly eventful dinner. His sudden presence made her sit up.

He walked over to her, got down on his knees, and started to lift her robe. 

"Th-the fuck are you doing?" Lute said insecurely.

Adam cocked his brows, looking somewhere between amused and annoyed. "When did you get so prudish? It's not like I haven't seen you before. I just wanna say hi to my little girl." 

"You can't just come in here and start to fucking undress me! We haven't even spoken in four months!"

"Well, I'm sorry if I'm in such a hurry to bond with my daughter. Maybe I wouldn't have been if someone hadn't kept her existence from me for four fucking months!"

Lute swallowed. Then she reluctantly started to lift the skirt of her robe, baring her stocking-clad legs and panties at the same time, all the while looking away from him. 

"Holy mother of God! Can you believe we made this?!" Adam said, admiring her baby bump, before parting her legs with his hands and placing himself between them so he could kiss her belly, casually leaving one hand on the bare skin of her upper thigh. "Hey, little one, daddy's here! Daddy's so excited to meet you. But I bet you're having the time of your life snuggled up inside your mommy. I know, being inside your mommy is the best."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Lute said exasperated. "Don't fucking talk to her like that!" Sitting half naked with Adam between her legs, made her feel so vulnerable and exposed. Part of her wanted to throw herself into his arms and pathetically beg him to never leave her, while another part of her was too proud to admit such weakness. Sera had always told her she was too proud, that pride had been her father's downfall. But she'd also told her to stay dignified. Lute wasn't quite sure what was the difference between pride and dignity, all she knew was that right now she felt anything but dignified.

He looked up at her annoyed. "It's not like she understands what I'm saying anyway." 

"Exactly. So who are you saying it to? Me?"

"You've become such a prude since living with Emily," he snorted. "It's not like you had an immaculate conception or some shit! So stop acting like you're fucking Virgin Mary! It's a bit late to start with the bashful virgin act when you're already knocked up, babe."

"It's not that. It just... makes me feel uncomfortable, okay?"

"Why?"

"Why?! Because... because you're with someone else! You chose someone else over me! Am I not allowed to feel uncomfortable when you touch me and shit, when I know you would've rather it was her instead? You weren't too happy about my mother leaving you either!"

"That was different."

"How?"

"She was my wife! And she was made for me! We were made for each other!"

Lute looked away. "And yet I've been intimate with you a lot longer than you were ever close to my mother. Maybe it didn't mean anything to you, but it did to me, okay? So maybe you could cut me some slack if I get a bit taken aback when you come in here and start touching me like I'm your fucking property."

He let her words sink in for a couple of seconds. 

"So... uh... about that... I talked to Sera, and... uhm... she said we'll have to get married and stuff."

Lute blinked a few times in confusion, before processing his words. "Is this supposed to be some kind of proposal??"

He shrugged. "I guess."

Lute had been through an array of emotions these last few months, but she hadn't been angry since she left the exorcists. She'd already been in pretty bad shape back then, and as her condition progressed she'd had no energy for such turmoil. But even if she wouldn't admit it, she was upset with Emily for inviting Adam without telling her - and now letting him in again without any notice. She couldn't say anything obviously; Emily had been unbelievably nice to her, and she could invite whoever she pleased to her own home, of course... and knowing herself, she might never have found the strength to tell Adam. Still she felt betrayed. And then him coming in here, treating the prospect of marrying her like some chore?! She narrowed her eyes angrily. 

"You're fucking unbelievable, Adam. Mommy told you to, huh? The fuck did you tell her for anyway?!"

"What, you want me to go down to Hell and ask your daddy for your hand in marriage or some shit?! Sorry babe, that ain't gonna happen."

Lute stared at him for a few seconds before turning her head away. "That was fucking uncalled for." 

He sighed. "Fine. What do you want from me, then? I'm already on my fucking knees. I just had this thrown at me, I'm trying to take responsibility and do the right thing here."

Lute closed her eyes in an expression of pain. "Gee, I don't know, maybe NOT present it like a fucking chore, like 'mom told us to clean our rooms', or some shit?! I don't think this is a good idea. I'd rather not be a burden to you."

"Well, guess what, little miss Contrary, I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for the baby. Babies before bitches!"

Wow. That felt like a bucket of ice water thrown in her face. Made her feel selfish and completely worthless at the same time. But he was right, of course - this wasn't about her.

"Okay," she said slowly, her voice a lot meeker now. "I'll do whatever's best for the child. If you think we should get married, then..."

"Yeah... well, uh... So we're engaged then?"

"I guess so."

"I should probably get you a ring or some shit." 

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"You sure, because it's no problem?"

She shook her head. This was going to be really hard. For most of her life, getting married to Adam and having his baby had been an unattainable dream. But now that it was happening for real, the situation was so messed up that she didn't even know how to feel. Was being married to Adam, knowing he loved someone else worse than not having him at all? She wasn't sure, but she was afraid this would slowly tear her apart. But Adam was right. They had to put their child first. And it wouldn't be too different from what she'd put up with for most of her life, only now she'd have the baby too. 

Adam got up, using her thighs for leverage, and was getting ready to leave. Lute quickly pulled her robe back down, crossing her arms and legs.

"So... uh... I should get going. I'll come by tomorrow night, or something."

"Adam." Lute grabbed his wrist. It felt so natural, yet at the same time so foreign and wrong to touch him. Her natural impulse was to let go, to quickly pull her hand back, but instead she made herself tighten her grip. "I realize I'm not in a good position to make demands," she said. "I will expect you to provide for me and the child, but I'm not expecting you to be... faithful to me. I will, however, expect you not to bring Vaggy, or any other woman for that matter, to our home, or talk to them or about them in front of me or our child."

"Are you sure, because once the baby is born, you might need an extra pair of hands. I'm sure Vaggy would..."

"NO."

Their eyes locked for a little bit. 

He raised his eyebrows in a telling look. "Never knew you were the jealous type, tits."

"I noticed." She held his gaze for a little longer, before she looked down and sighed. "It's not an unreasonable demand, Adam." It wasn't, was it? She let go of his wrist. "I won't meddle with what you do when you're not with us. It shouldn't be too much to ask that you keep it out of sight." Then she realized he might've meant they'd get married in name only. "I-I mean, if I am to move in with you. Maybe that wasn't what you meant. Emily's said I can stay here with the baby if..."

"Huh, no, of course you'll move in with me! Nobody's gonna come and say I don't provide for my wife and kid! We might have to get something bigger once our baby is older, though. Something with a garden where she can play and stuff..."

The thought of their daughter playing in the garden of their family home seemed so nice and wholesome and so much like the silly romantic dreams she'd had when she was younger - younger meant up until a few months ago - that she couldn't help but smile.

"You'd like that?" Adam asked, noticing her expression.

Lute tried to curb her enthusiasm a few notches. "I just think that would be nice. For our little girl."

He sat down next to her on the bed, putting his arm around her. "It would, wouldn't it? We can do that, if you'd like. You, me and our little girl in a nice little house in the countryside, that does sound pretty fucking nice, doesn't it?"

It sure did. Too good. Too nice. Too wholesome. But she wasn't wholesome. Adam wasn't wholesome. This situation was anything but wholesome.

He put his free hand back on her belly in an almost possessive manner. She leaned her head on his shoulder. His presence was so strong. It made her feel like she disappeared in him. It felt tempting and terrifying at the same time. It had always been like that, ever since she was little. All the higher ranking angels were like that, their presence, their light... it was so intense. Drew you in, devoured you...

"I could hold you like this forever," Adam said tenderly. "Hey, about the things you said in the restroom, in that restaurant... It's not like you think, okay? I've never looked at you as a... plaything, or whatever you called it. And you're not unlovable. You're actually very lovable, Lute. I've been fucking worried about you. I care about you a lot, you know."

She didn't reply, just snuggled close to him not unlike a kitten, thinking that even if he left her alone with the baby now and never made true his promise, she would find strength in this moment. It was so comforting when he held her like this, even if she knew things weren't like she would have wanted them to be. Part of her wanted to believe every nice thing he said, sucking it up like a sponge, while another part of her was skeptical.

They sat in silence like that for a little while.

"Guess you're a lucky man, Adam," she said dryly.

"Huh?"

"You said whoever ended up with me was gonna be a lucky guy. Well, seems like that's gonna be you."

"I said that, huh? Damn right, I'm lucky," he said, affectionately pulling her closer to him. He looked down at her chest. "Your tits are even hotter than before, ya know," he smirked.

"Fuck off!" Lute said, shoving him harshly away. But her eyes were laughing. And inside she felt all warm and proud of getting complimented by him.

He pulled her close again. "I meant it when I said I was lucky. I'm so excited about this baby that you don't even know. Even if this situation is a fucking mess, it's seriously the best thing that's happened in my afterlife."

"You mean that?"

"Hands down."

"In mine, too."

He stroke her lovingly. "My third wife, and mother of my child," he said softly, "damn right, I'm fucking lucky."

The door went up and Emily peeked in. "Uh... Adam, it's getting kinda late, I think it's time you leave now," she said. "And Lute, it's not really appropriate for you to have a man in your room with the door closed."

Adam rolled his eyes. "Not even her husband-to-be?"

"Her... you're...?" For once Emily seemed to completely lose her tongue. 

"Would you like to be my maid of honour, sis?" Lute said, and now she was smiling for real.

Emily let out a shriek of joy, before almost throwing herself over them, remembering last minute that she needed to be a little careful because of the baby.

"Of course I will!" she exclaimed. "You guys! This is just so sweet!"

Chapter Text

Adam rushed in the door, his face red from the hurry. The eerie stillness in the room and Emily's red-rimmed eyes made him stop.

"Is she...?" he said uncertainly.

Emily nodded.

His gut sunk, and a flush of frustration hit him. "Fuck, Lute, why couldn't you be more careful?! Haven't I trained you to be more alert than this?!" he lashed out.

A slap so hard that he saw stars hit his cheek. Emily was hovering up in his face, with an authority he'd never seen in her before.

"Get yourself together, Adam. You have no idea what she's been through. This isn't Lute's fault. Someone, or something, I don't know, flew into her really fast. I don't think they could've realized what they'd done, because... they didn't stop to help her or anything." Emily's voice broke on the last words, her facial expression went from fury to devastation. She descended beside him, and broke into soft sobs.

Unfortunately, Adam had a pretty good idea what Lute had been through - as good as any man could have. He'd experienced this several times before with Eve. And he'd seen firsthand the devastation it had caused - Eve always blamed herself when she lost a child. Now he broke down in deep sobs, sinking down on the bed where Lute was lying faced away from him.

"I'm so sorry, Lute, I didn't mean that," he cried. He should've been there to protect her. Maybe he could've prevented it, or at least helped... "It's not your fault, please don't think that."

Lute hadn't moved since he'd entered the room. She wasn't crying, not then. She felt completely numb. Empty.

Ever since Adam had learned about the baby, things had been looking up. He'd visited her every day, talking and singing and kissing and caressing her baby bump, and even if she'd been extremely uncomfortable with it to begin with, it hadn't taken long before she'd started to feel comfortable around him again. Things had actually been a lot like it had been in the beginning - they'd been joking and even singing a bit together, and she'd allowed herself to let her guard down. And look what that had led to.

Everything had been in vain - all this pain, this stress, these dreams and hopes and wishes... A light created only to be put out before it even got to shine. A miracle. A gift from God. Given only to be taken away. It seemed so unnecessary. Cruel. Almost sadistic. It felt unreal, it couldn't be true... Yet here she was; her little daughter, so beautiful, so perfect. She'd lived for a little bit, before succumbing in Lute's arms. It felt so meaningless. So... meanspirited. Was it her fault? Had she failed? Should she have been more alert? Had she been too selfish, too ungrateful, too proud? She couldn't understand.

"May I see her?" Adam asked.

Lute turned around to show him the fruit of her womb: a tiny little angel, much too small to make it outside of her mother's body. She looked so vulnerable, with tiny featherless wings, and her tiny halo, no longer shining. She was still attached to the umbilical cord, the afterbirth still lying between Lute's legs. There had been no time, or will, to deal with it. He reached out to touch her. She was still warm, but Adam knew that would soon pass. 

"Oh God," he said, "how can you be so cruel?" He broke down again and cried like a bitch, and he wasn't ashamed of it.

"I guess this is the will of God," Lute said apathetically to Emily, who had come over to her bedside.

"Sometimes the will of God is really hard to understand," Emily sobbed, "but we must believe there is some meaning, even to this."

There wasn't any burial ground in Heaven - people weren't supposed to die there, after all, so Adam took Lute down to Earth for the funeral. It was just the two of them. He held onto her tightly as they descended onto Earth; she was still very weak, her wings struggled to hold her weight.

The place he chose seemed to hold some significance to him, Lute thought. But she didn't ask, and he didn't tell. It was a beautiful grove, yet seemingly untouched by the hands of civilization. Adam dug a hole in the ground, and Lute forced herself to put her little girl, wrapped in a pink crocheted baby blanket in the bed of earth, feeling like her heart was torn out in the process. Adam filled the hole in silence, while Lute tried to sing a song, a kind of lullaby, for her little one, but her voice kept breaking. Milk was seeping out from her hard, uncomfortably full breasts, ready to nourish the child that no longer needed nourishment. It left wet stains on her robe. She was bleeding through her clothes, and now her eyes got wet, too, she broke down, crying upon her daughter's final resting place.

She wasn't sure how long they were there, but eventually Adam lifted her up and even if she wanted to sink down into the ground with her daughter, she let him, and he took her back to Heaven.

"You wanted to see me?" Adam said. His voice was soft and gentle. 

Lute drew her breath slowly. "Yes. I want to... release you from your obligations towards me. Our engagement is hereby broken. You are a free man."

"Fuuuck, Lute, if you think this is what I've been thinking about, then..."

"It doesn't matter," she interrupted. "The reason for our engagement no longer... exists. This has to be done sooner or later. And I'm sure it's easier for everyone if I bring it up than the other way around." 

The air was heavy between them.

"If that's what you want," Adam said slowly. "Hey, I'm really sorry things ended up like this. Whenever you want to visit her grave, just tell me and I'll take you there, okay? As often as you'd like, anytime, in the middle of the night, or whatever. Just ask, and I'll take you there."

"Thank you," Lute said gratefully. Her heart filled with guilt - she hadn't thought about that. What kind of mother didn't think about visiting her child's grave!?

"So... uh... I guess I'll see you around?" Adam said.

Lute assumed he wanted to leave, not be stuck here with her, in her state of misery. He would go on, see his girlfriend, live his life. This was only a bump in the road for him - unfortunate, but not life changing. Not like it was for her. This had been her everything.

"Goodbye, Adam," she said. Now all her bonds to him was broken. When she was certain he had left, she pulled the covers over her head so Emily wouldn't hear and sobbed deeply.

Chapter Text

"Oh, you're a friend of Lute's?"

Lute absent-mindedly turned her head towards the sound. Emily sounded excited. Not like she had before all of this, but in the dampened way that she did everything these days. How long had it been now - one week? Two? Three? Lute had no idea. Days came, days passed. She only got out of bed when she absolutely had to. Maybe in time this would be easier, but right now it all seemed meaningless.

"How nice to finally meet one of Lute's friends! I'm sure she'll really appreciate your visit. But you should know that she..." Emily lowered her voice, and Lute couldn't hear the rest.

A friend of hers, huh? Who could that be? She didn't have any friends. Her curiosity didn't stick deep, she didn't care much about what happened.

"... and here's a vase for the flowers. I'll let her know that you're here." Emily's voice came closer, followed by a knock on the door. She opened the door a little and peeked in. 

"One of your exorcist friends is here to see you." Emily's eyes were red-rimmed, but she tried to smile gently. Lute knew she cried a lot - she often heard her subdued sobs from the other room. It somehow felt consoling - that she wasn't alone in mourning her child.

Emily moved away to let the visitor enter the room. Glory. The door closed behind her, and it was just the two of them.

"Hi," Glory said softly. She held a vase full of white lilies in her hands, which stood in contrast to her dark-coloured uniform. "This is from your exorsisters." She held the bouquet out towards Lute, before awkwardly putting it on the night stand next to the bed. "I'll just put them here."

Lute wondered how they'd paid for the flowers. Maybe they'd asked Adam for money. It was sweet of them. She should appreciate it.

"We've missed you in the camp," Glory continued, her eyes darting restlessly around the room. "I would have visited you before, but we had no idea where you'd gone to. And then, all of this happened... " She nervously fingered with her belt. "You know, Adam was so fucking proud of becoming a father again, he couldn't shut up about it. He actually gave us a whole day off and ordered milkshakes for everyone to celebrate!" She smiled a little at the memory, before turning serious. "I'm so sorry things turned out like this. We've been thinking about you a lot. And your little one." 

Lute knew she should say something, anything. She was searching for the right words, for any words at all, when Glory audibly drew her breath and started speaking again.

"There's something I need to tell you. I've been debating whether to tell you this or not... But I think you have the right to know." She slowly drew her breath again, before letting it out. "Vaggy told Tessa that she was the one who did this to you. That she flew into you or something. Maybe she just made it up, or maybe Tessa did, I don't know, but I think you should know."

Lute rubbed her forehead in confusion before abruptly sitting up. It made her dizzy; despite Emily's efforts, she hardly managed to get any food down, and she was already weakened from the pregnancy. But her distracted, confused mind knew this was important. "Vaggy did what?"

"Attack you. To make, you know, this happen." Glory made a gesture towards Lute. 

Lute scrunched her eyebrows. It was hard to grasp. Everything had happened so quickly that day, and afterwards she had only blamed herself. But... someone had flown into her, and the sheer speed and power of that impact must have been way above what a normal winner could do... And Vaggy did have a motive... But... they had been sisters, and... this was Heaven! To attack her would've been bad enough, but an innocent child?! A feeling was building up inside of her. Lute wasn't quite sure what it was, but there was some comfort in feeling something other than emptiness and despair. Like the void inside of her filled with something else - rage, maybe? Hatred? Right now it was covered by shock, but it was there. 

She looked at Glory, who looked uncomfortable. "Does Adam know?" she asked. 

Glory shook her head. "I thought I should tell you first." 

Lute sat in silence for a little while, staring blankly into the wall, trying to digest what she'd just been told.

At last she looked up at Glory. "Thank you for coming," she said, "and for telling me."

"Of course. You're our sister. And if you ever need me, you know where to find me, okay? I know most of our sisters feel the same way."

Lute nodded in gratitude. They were still her sisters. All of them but one.

"L-lilith."

Lute had stood in silence for a little while, uncertain how to address the woman in front of her - her own mother. 

The woman slowly got up from her sunbed, turning to see who the unfamiliar voice belonged to. 

For a moment it looked like she would throw herself at her daughter again, and for a moment Lute thought that she might actually like that.

But instead Lilith restrained herself, probably having their last encounter fresh in her memory. "Lute," she said, her voice full of warmth and held back desperation. "You've come to see me." 

Maybe having been a mother herself, if ever so briefly, had made Lute sympathize with her mother more. Or maybe she just needed her mommy, even if she was not ready to admit so, even to herself.

"Yes," she said staring right at her mother. She was soaking up everything - everything about her mother that was like she remembered, and everything that was not. Her voice sounded hard, maybe harder than she intended. "I came to ask you if you ever... loved me."

The sun was uncomfortably strong; too bright, too warm. Burning her, blinding her. And the ocean was so vast, and so loud. Distracting. Like her mother's presence.

Lilith looked at her; hearing her daughter suggest that she was unloved made her look sad. 

"More than anything," she said. "I never thought your father and I would be blessed with children. From the moment I knew I carried you under my heart, I loved you so much I thought my heart would burst from it. The first time I felt you move within me, I was ecstatic. When you were born and suckled on my breast for the first time, I cried of sheer joy and gratitude. It changed everything. I wish you would get to experience that sometime."

Lute had been about to be swayed by her mother's words up until that last sentence. The way that hurt her - the way her mother had hurt her before and now, angered her. 

"What kind of sick selfish creature would have a child down in Hell?!" She looked at her mother with disdain. She wanted to hurt her, like she'd been hurt by her. "Do you know that I'm an exorcist? I've annihilated thousands of sinners. I enjoy seeing life leave their eyes." A twisted smile filled her face, as she saw Lilith's eyes widen in shock. She wanted to twist the knife again. "And I've been Adam's mistress since I was fifteen. That's right - I've fucked your ex-husband." The last revelation made Lilith visibly paler, she shook her head in disbelief. It instantly made Lute feel better.

She didn't tell her mother about the baby - that wound was too fresh, too deep. Bringing that up would hurt herself more than it would hurt her mother. Instead she turned around and flew off. The few minutes she'd spent in the sun left her delicate skin sunburnt. And the instant feeling of satisfaction hurting her mother had given her quickly faded.

"Speak your errand, my child," Sera said with mild authority. It was how she addressed all of her subjects. The subject in question looked up at her with shock from the endearing phrase, and as she saw who it was, Sera was left feeling deeply uncomfortable, too: Maybe the person it should have been the most natural to refer to as her child, but still wasn't; her niece. 

Lute quickly lowered her head upon meeting Sera's gaze. "Your highness," she said humbly. "I am here to... to ask what happens to a child who dies in her mother's womb or... or shortly after birth." 

"You want to know what happened to your bastard child?"

Sera spoke quickly - too quickly. Lute winced at her words, probably not expecting this kind of cruelty in such a vulnerable situation, and Sera could have bit her tongue. For all the times she had beaten herself up for her failures towards Lute, this was what she did when she had the chance?! She wanted to take it back. Undo it. Maybe she could? She quickly considered the possibilities. No. That would be wrong. What was said was said. She needed to suffer the consequences the same as everyone else.

Lute bowed her head deeper. "I stand before you not as your unruly ward, but as a mother seeking answers in the wake of her child's death. I ask you humbly to treat me as such."

Wow. Sera was impressed with the young lady's dignified response, and for a second she thought she might not have failed as bad as she thought. No, she couldn't allow herself to take credit for this. "Very well," she said, doing her best to quell the messy mixture of emotions her niece's presence awoke in her. She should apologize for her cruel words, but instead she said "Did you not pay attention in our lessons?" 

Lute drew her breath. "I can't remember that ever being a topic. I asked Emily about it, and she didn't know either."

"I see. So this is a failure on my part," Sera said coldly. Another failure on her part.

Since the moment she had seen the newborn Cain Sera had wanted a baby. Seeing such a tiny little helpless absolutely adorable human being, had awoken something in her. That was why she had asked humbly for Emily to be created as a toddler, though she may have presented it, even to herself, as if it would give both her and Emily more of an understanding of the human experience. She wasn't so sure it had been a success - for either of them.

She'd been so happy that things had seemed to be working out for Lute with the marriage and the baby. And maybe, just maybe, the distance between them could be somewhat lessened. And then the loss of the baby had left everything shattered. She'd wanted to reach out to personally express her condolences, but had been unsure if it would be a welcome gesture. So she'd sent a bouquet of flowers and a card instead.

Why did seeing Lute again bring up all that old animosity? Why did part of her still want to crush her willfullness? Why couldn't she contain herself? Was it because of who the girl's parents were?

"Your child is in Limbo," she finally said, trying to compose herself enough to at least not come across as anything worse than cold.

"Limbo? Wha-where is that?"

"In Hell."

"I-in Hell?! But that... wh-what if..." For the second time Lute looked up at her, giving Sera a good opportunity to look at her face. She looked drawn. Distraught. 

"Don't worry, silly child. God does not send children to Hell. Limbo is a separate dimension, on the outskirts of Hell, far from where sinners reside."

"Is she... how...?"

"Your daughter is safe and well taken care of. God does not forsake young children."

Lute looked like she wanted to ask more questions, before she resigned and bowed her head in reverence. "I see. Thank you," she said humbly, before turning around to leave.

Sera should say something, apologize, why couldn't she just apologize?! It was too little, too late, but it would be better than nothing. 

"Lute," she said, and her former ward stopped, but did not turn around. "I know I have made a lot of mistakes through the years when it comes to you. Many things I wish I would have done differently. But I want you to know that I'm very proud of the young lady you have become. You have proven a true servant of Heaven. I'm awfully sorry about your baby."

Lute made a barely noticeable nod before leaving.

Chapter Text

Adam had just taken a huge sip of his liquor bottle while mindlessly scrolling through a porn site on his phone, when he was disturbed by a knocking on his office door.

"Come in or don't," he muttered, barely looking up from the screen, the burning sensation from the spirits still lingering in his throat.

He heard a discreet hum and looked up. To his surprise Lute had entered. 

He hadn't expected to see her. Not now. He hadn't seen her in months. He'd assumed she'd want to visit their daughter's grave a lot, but she never had. Maybe she hadn't been ready till now. He knew from Emily that she wasn't doing particularly well. And of course he knew she'd gone to meet Lilith, as he'd received a phone call from his first wife, who was quite upset about their meeting... She'd asked him if he'd done this to get back at her. He'd vehemently denied it, but it had got him wondering - had he? He and Lilith had talked things over, and ended up on a relatively cordial note; he'd let her stay in Heaven, and they'd both agreed that Lute was best off not knowing about this.

But there were things that he didn't really like to admit, even to himself. Like that first time with Lute in his office he'd imagined Lucifer watching him brutally fuck his young daughter. And he couldn't deny that there had been times where he'd been thinking 'look Lucifer - I'm fucking your wife and your daughter'... But he wasn't like that, was he? Was he?! Lute was a lot more, both to him and in herself, than Lucifer and Lilith's daughter. She didn't deserve any of that shit.

With all that in mind, he looked up at her. Her hair was longer now. It'd been down to her shoulders the last time he saw her, and now it reached down to where her wings started. He liked it. Adam liked long hair. It was more primal, more feminine. It was one of his grievances - that his girls had to keep their hair short to fit inside their helmets. Hell, his hair had to be kept short, too. Adam liked things to be natural - natural body hair, natural scent. None of that fuckin' shaved shit, or perfume. Why any chick would wanna smell like a fucking flower when the scent of woman was so damn enticing was beyond him.

But he shouldn't be thinking about things like that now. Lute was finally ready to visit their child's grave, and here he was thinking about all sorts of other stuff.

"Hi," he said gently, "you want me to take you down to Earth?"

Lute looked surprised by his suggestion, then her face turned into an expression Adam interpreted as guilt. "Yes, but later," she said. She hesitated a little before she continued. "I'm here because I want to be an exorcist again. I want to come back to the Heavenly Host."

He raised his eyebrows. That was unexpected. But there was something uncannily familiar about this... "I don't think that's a good idea, Lute," he said.

"You... don't want me to come back?" Lute said, looking hurt. 

"Huh? Why wouldn't I want that? I didn't want you to leave in the first place! I'm glad you did, though, 'cause it wouldn't have been safe for you to..." His voice died out, as he realized that her leaving had made no difference on the outcome. "It's only been a couple of months. You need more time to rest and recover. You look awfully skinny, honey."

"What I need is something to do. I can't just lie in bed all day, thinking about things that can... never be. It's driving me crazy. I need something to keep my mind occupied."

"I'll gladly welcome you back here when you're ready. But right now you're not in shape, physically or emotionally to be a part of the armed forces."

"I'm not a child, I'm perfectly capable of making decisions for myself."

"And I'm perfectly capable of making decisions for this army, and you won't be a part of it till I say you're ready."

Lute looked at him oddly for a few seconds, before narrowing her eyes. "I don't think you understand this, Adam," she said, walking menacingly towards him. "I'm not asking you to take me back. I hoped you would be reasonable, but if you don't cooperate, I will have to talk to the seraphim and gently remind her what's at stake if I don't have my way."

Adam looked at her with disbelief. "Are you blackmailing me?!" 

She cocked her head. "Do I have to?"

Holy fucking shit. This was so much like what had happened when she first started, even down to her long hair and white robe. It made him feel uncomfortable, but also filled him with anticipation.

But he wasn't so sure this was a good idea. He wasn't good for her. "I don't think it'll be good for you to work with me right now," he said.

"I can handle it."

He put his head in his hands and sighed. Best to break it to her right away. "You'll also have to work with Vaggy..."

"Wh... You didn't... get rid of her?" Lute's determined expression cracked, giving way to one of shock.

It didn't escape Adam's attention. He already felt guilty for what had happened to the baby, and the implied criticism made his hackles rise. "Well, I'm sorry, Princess, but some of us have rules we need to abide by. I can't just fire people for no reason."

"For no reason!? Is that how you look at it?" Lute looked stunned, her face took on an expression of helplessness and hurt.

His face softened. "No," he said softly. "But I can't just fire people."

"You did with me."

"I didn't. I demoted you. That's different."

She looked away for a moment, before looking right at him again. "I want my position back."

"You can't just..."

"I can. And I will." She held his gaze, piercing him with her golden eyes.

Wow. It was such a long time since he'd seen this side of Lute. She'd been so loyal and outright submissive to him for so long, so he'd almost forgotten how goddamn intimidating - not to mention hot - she could be when she demanded to have her way regardless of the means. It made him want to overpower her, physically and verbally, and put her haughty ass back in her place. Her place below him. And that was odd, because she'd never appeared more frail and vulnerable than now. Yet her determination was so fascinating, it drew him in, reawakened all sorts of feelings in him... But he shouldn't feel that way, not now.

He drew his breath. "Fine. You'll be my lieutenant again. But you'll have to deal with Vaggy professionally. No fucking drama, do you understand?"

Her jaw clenched. "Fine. I'll deal with Vaggy."

"And if I see you're not functioning, I WILL hold you back from the extermination. I'm not gonna put you or any of the other girls at risk, and that's non-negotiable. Is that clear?!"

"Yes, sir," she said with a mocking grin. 

She made it clear that she would start the very next day. And for the first time in months he felt somewhat exited about the future.

"You've cut your hair!" Emily said, looking at Lute in surprise. 

"Yeah, I'm... I'm going back to the army," Lute replied, repressing the sudden urge to touch the back of her head; it felt like such a long time since her hair had been this short. Even if it was less than a year ago, it felt like a different life.

She had given herself till today to rest and mourn and recuperate. Her baby's due date. Around this time her daughter was supposed to have been born - strong and healthy and so, so precious, big enough to survive outside of her mother's womb. But that wasn't to be, all because of one person whose name she didn't even want to take in her mouth. Her fists clenched at the thought of having to live and work with that... monster. She had trusted Adam to take care of that, and she was still shaken to the core from learning that he seemed to have done nothing about it. Was he still fucking that cunt?! That was absolutely vile, and such a betrayal of their daughter. A horrible thought struck her - had Adam been a part of it? Had the two of them planned it together?! To get her out of the way? That thought made her knees weak, it made her feel like she had to throw up, it was too horrible an idea, so she quickly pushed it away. Adam would never. He'd been devastated at the loss of their child. He'd cried. He couldn't have faked that. 

"Oh," Emily said, drawing Lute back to the present. She looked astonished.

Lute drew her breath, trying to push her anger away for a little bit. "Thank you so much for being there for me when I needed it the most. I really don't know what I would have done without you. I'm so grateful to have you back in my life."

"Me too. Sisters forever." Emily tried to smile, but her face betrayed her.

It made Lute feel uncomfortable. "Why do you look so sad? Remember you talked about how much I loved being an exorcist? Besides, I can't crash in your guest room forever." She tried to chuckle a little, but it didn't sound genuine.

"You're welcome to stay here as long as you want," Emily said with a hopeful look. "It's my pleasure, really."

Lute didn't reply. The silence was growing thick between them.

"You're going back to him, aren't you?"

"No. I'm never going near a man ever again," Lute said with conviction. She meant that. Even if her feelings for him hadn't changed, even if every fiber of her body longed for Adam to hold her and make things right again, he wasn't the reason she did this. "I'm not going back because of Adam. This is what I know, okay? What I have done for most of my life. What I'm good at. To keep Heaven safe."

"You're going to fall back to sin." 

Emily's persistence that she was so weak for the pleasures of the flesh offended her, but there were more important matters at hand. "There's something I need to tell you. Uh... when Adam told me that he was seeing someone... someone else, I... I didn't know how to react, I felt so vulnerable and stupid... so I lied and said I liked someone else, too." 

"Oh, I can pray with you, sis! Lying isn't the greatest sin, but you need to repent for that. I can help you!"

"No, Em, it's... uh... I've... uh... I've already asked forgiveness for that, but I... Adam pressed me on who it was, and I couldn't think of anyone other than St. Peter... I had no idea he was engaged to you, obviously..."

"Oooh, I understand! He IS really hot, isn't he?! Don't you worry, I'm not mad."

"No, no, Emily, please just listen. Adam... uh... arranged for a date between us... and... uh... he made a pass at me."

"Adam?"

"No. St. Peter. He said some really inappropriate things to me."

Emily looked confused. "What... kind of things?"

Fuck, she really didn't want to repeat those words in front of Emily. "He... asked me to suck him off." Did Emily even know what that meant? She wasn't sure. Poor Emily, Lute didn't want to hurt her. And she knew exactly how it felt to find out that things weren't the way you thought they were. The heartbreak, the humiliation...

"What does that even mean?"

Lute blushed. Fuck, did she really have to explain this? How had Emily even missed out on that - all through their childhood Adam had been going on and on about his ladies' stories around the dinner table, to Sera's great dismay. Lute had picked up A LOT from that. (That and the "romance" books she'd found when she was looking through Sera's hidden library. Seen in retrospect they may not have been the best source of life advice). But Emily had never been a good listener. And she supposed it was her big sister duty to inform her younger sister about things like this. "It's... uh... to suck on a man's... uh... penis."

Emily scrunched her nose like a child being offered a plate of vegetables, then she started to giggle childishly. "Come on, Lute, no one would do such a thing. How did you even come up with something like that?!"

Lute cast her eyes down. "It's actually... uh... pretty common..."

Emily's face turned sad. "I know you've been through a lot, Lute, but it's not okay for you to lie about Peter, just because your own lovelife is a mess."

"I-I'm not lying," Lute stuttered, her eyes darting nervously about. It probably made it seem even more as if she was lying.

Emily looked disappointed, like she had expected her sister to be better. "Just apologize, so we can put this behind us."

"I'm not going to apologize for telling the truth," Lute said, irritated. This was so unfair. She'd done nothing wrong, she was trying to do the right thing, and yet she was being seen as the bad guy. As a fucking liar.

Emily narrowed her eyes. There was something uncanny about that - Lute had never seen her sister do that before. "I can't have someone in my life who is willing to hurt me just to make themselves feel better. I don't want to do this, but if I can't trust you, I don't know what else to do to protect myself. I've tried my best to help you, but I can't let you pull me down with you as you keep destroying yourself." Emily hesitated for a moment, before drawing in her breath with determination. "Apologize or leave, it's up to you."

Lute stood dumbfounded for a few seconds as the words she'd just heard sunk in. Emily was turning her back on her?! It felt shocking, devastating, and it probably shouldn't - wasn't this part of the reason she hadn't told her before? Her apprehension had been well founded - Emily's love for her wasn't unconditional. And of course she would believe a saint over a Hellborn like herself. "I swear to you this is the truth," Lute insisted. She couldn't meet Emily's gaze, wasn't strong enough to face the rejection, the resentment from her own sister. For a second she thought about swearing on her daughter's grave that she was telling the truth, but it felt wrong to use her child like that. She had obviously been a burden, a heavy burden, pulling Emily down with her. It was time to leave. "But if you want me to leave, then..." She swallowed, trying to collect herself. "If you ever need me, you know where to find me." Lute's voice was trembling slightly. "Goodbye, Emily." 

She turned around, half expecting Emily to stop her, to pull her into a warm hug and cry, and they'd sit down with a cup of warm tea or hot chocolate and talk things over. But Emily didn't say anything, and so Lute hurried out. 

Out in the cold evening air, Lute wondered what the Hell she was going to do now - she'd planned to sleep one last night at Emily's before going back to the camp tomorrow morning. But now she had nowhere to go. She took flight and flew around for a little bit, but it didn't take long before her wings got tired. It worried her a bit that her wings were so weak. She'd lost a lot of muscle mass during this whole ordeal. She went over to walking, but she soon got tired of that, too. So she sat on a bench till she got cold, thinking that she must make sure to return the robe she was wearing so Emily wouldn't accuse her of being a thief, too. Eventually she went to the camp, finding her way to the supply room. She didn't get much sleep - it was cold and uncomfortable, she was afraid she'd oversleep, and her mind was burdened by too many thoughts and feelings. Being back here brought up so many memories. None of them good. Yet the room somehow felt like a safe place, a kind of sanctuary. All the times she'd hid in here... Hid from everything and everyone. Now she was back to square one, and things were somehow even worse than they'd been back then. But she had to persevere. She would persevere. No matter what.

Adam half hoped, half expected Lute to do a rerun of the slice-off-her-hair-and-undress-in-his-office-act that she'd done back when she was just a teenager, but her hair was already cut when she entered his office, and she grabbed her uniform and went to change in the locker room. She was formal, referring to him only as "sir", but when he asked her if she wanted to go down to Earth after training, she said she'd love to and looked at him gratefully.

Just like when she first started, he thought about whether to push her really hard to make her quit or to be lenient with her, but it wasn't like he wanted her to quit - it was for her own good, and knowing Lute, she would probably push herself to the limit and beyond regardless of his methods anyway.

It somehow felt right to see her back in uniform, even if it showed off just how skinny she'd gotten. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about her all night. That wasn't unusual - he worried about her a lot. But seeing her ruthlessness again, got him questioning everything. For so long she'd been so obedient to him, like he had trained her to. Obedient Lute knew exactly what he wanted, how to satisfy his every little need with unmatched skill. That felt like home - safe and warm and good and right... but it was a long time since that had been exiting. And now, when she defied him, he felt compelled to make her bend to him again. Had it always been like that? That was pretty fucked up, and he probably should stay away from Lute to avoid hurting her again. She was so vulnerable, she needed his gentleness and support, but damn if he'd be able to fight this.

He tried to get himself together. "You ready?" he said in an encouraging tone.

She drew her breath slowly, hesitating for a moment before nodding.

"Good. Let's go and get them, lieutenant."

Vaggy was standing in front of her soldiers waiting for Adam who was late (as usual), when she noticed her sisters' attention turned away from her. And as she turned her head in the same direction as her sisters, she saw Adam was coming, but he wasn't alone. The person following him... was it...? Could it really be...? Shit. Oh shit. Vaggy gasped with terror. This was bad. 

"Bitches," Adam announced, "I've got some exciting news for you - the toughest bitch in town is back, and she'll be your lieutenant again!"

There was some cheering and some excited whispering. 

"Vaggy, you're demoted. Now get in place with the others." 

"You can't fucking do that!" Vaggy yelled, before realizing she was better off keeping her mouth shut.

In a second Adam was up in her face. "Oh, you've got quite some nerve, Vagina!  You're fucking lucky that I haven't done a lot worse to you! I may be weak for ya, but your privilege ends here. Now get in line with your sisters, bitch!"

Vaggy lowered her head. "Yes, sir," she muttered. Her face was burning with shame, with humiliation, with hurt and with anger, and she was so grateful for her mask. She'd fucked up everything, everything that she'd had. She thought about how devastated Adam had been after the baby died, and the way he'd looked at her when he'd found out what she'd done. And the way her sisters looked at her, too, like she was some kind of monster or psycho or something. Was she? Was it really that bad? She barely dared look at Lute. Yet her eyes kept being drawn towards her. Vaggy couldn't help but notice how poorly she did in training. She fell, she collapsed, she was slow and weak, yet she got up again, and again, and again with unfailing determination.

Later that day she saw Lute without her mask. Lute looked like shit - skinny, drawn. It didn't make Vaggy feel superior, like it would have before. There was no victory in her rival being so pitiful. Seeing the aftermath of her actions made her thoughtful. She thought about the baby. The dead baby. And for the first time she started to let go of her stubborn self-righteousness, and really realize the full extent of what she'd done.

Chapter Text

Breathe in...

Breathe out...

Lute tried to calm herself as she stood before the gates of Limbo.

It was Extermination Day, the day she had worked so hard for. Going back to the Heavenly Host had cost her blood, sweat and tears. In some ways it'd been like when she was fifteen and just started, taking on a task that she was not prepared for. But it was also different - back then she'd been unskilled and untrained, but in good health. Now she knew the drill, she had the skills, but her physical and mental state had deteriorated to a frightening degree. Her body hadn't complied like it used to, and her solution to that, her solution to anything, was to push through. Adam had commanded her to take frequent breaks, which she'd found humiliating, but a bit of a relief at the same time. He'd also put her on a particularly protein rich diet; she'd forced herself to eat.

To show herself so vulnerable and weak in front of her sisters, and one of them in particular, was far outside her comfort zone; living with Vaggy, having to see her, feel her presence, know she was there, 24 hours a day hadn't made coming back any easier. Lute hated her so much  - maybe as much or even more than she hated her own father. Sometimes her body seemed too small a vessel to contain all this hatred.

She removed her helmet - she had no idea what would meet her past these gates, and she didn't want to appear frightening to her child. The Heavenly Library had limited info, and she didn't dare ask anyone, afraid they would catch on to what she was planning. She couldn't risk anybody trying to stop her. Not even Adam.

Her pulse pounded in her temples as she knocked on the heavy iron gates, and as her hand sunk down and the echo of her knocks died out, her heartbeat raised. Every second that passed felt like an eternity; it was only now she realized that she might not be let in. How far was she willing to go to get in there? What options did she have? She'd done all she could to be where she was now. Pushed herself so far, compromised herself so much, terrified that Adam would deem her not ready, not strong, or fierce, or sane enough to go. Her heart seemed to stop for a second when the gate slowly opened and a woman appeared. She was tall and beautiful. In some ways she reminded Lute of her mother, and in that way also of herself. Except this lady's presence didn't feel suffocating - it somehow felt welcoming and warm. 

"I am Eve, the keeper of Limbo," the woman spoke, her voice warm and gentle. "You are here to see your daughter?"

"Eve?! A-adam's Eve?!" Lute stuttered, completely stunned. 

Eve nodded, a little smile appeared on her lips. "And you are Adam's Lute?"

Lute looked down. "Nobody's Lute," she muttered.

"I see," Eve said after a little silence. The air was tense - not hostile, just... loaded.

"You're not mad, are you?" Lute asked nervously, as she suddenly realized hers and Adam's daughter was in the hands of Adam's wife.

"Mad?"

"Because of what's happened between me and... your husband?"

Eve shook her head. "You're worried I would feel resentment towards your child? Do not worry, Adam and I... that was a long time ago. If anything it has made me feel closer to her. Her connection to Adam... and her connection to you... "

Lute furrowed her forehead in confusion. "Huh?"

"But I'm sure you would like to see your daughter now. You have traveled far." Eve held her arm out to show her in. "Welcome to Limbo, daughter of Lilith."

Lute was glad she didn't mention her father's name. At this point she could somewhat stomach her mother, but her father was a whole different story. A story she had no wish to be reminded of.

Their footsteps echoed as they walked through the marble halls. Lute kept her gaze down, trying not to look at anything. She wasn't supposed to be here, wasn't supposed to see, or even know about this. 

She'd never been told much about Eve. Adam rarely talked about her. What he'd told her during her pregnancy was the most she'd ever heard. Did Adam know Eve was here? Did he know about Limbo? If so, why hadn't he told her?!

The atmosphere was very different from both Heaven and Hell - it was cool and quiet. Eve was quiet. Everything was quiet. No sounds of children laughing or crying, or little feet running. Only Eve's and Lute's footsteps were heard. Lute was in too much inner turmoil to say anything, even if she had so many questions, and could've wanted to be more prepared for what was to come. 

"Here she is," Eve said, after they'd walked up and down what felt like a labyrinth of endless halls and stairs, before stopping by one of countless alcoves.

The second or so from Lute lifted her eyes till she saw her child, was so tense. She felt fear of what she would see. Wanting to and not wanting to face this at the same time. Would she even recognize her own child? Would her child recognize her? It felt like it was happening way too fast, she wasn't ready, but at the same time, it couldn't happen fast enough...

... Lute wasn't sure what she'd expected. But to see her child being exactly like she'd buried her, so small and frail and unfinished... There was something so unsettling about that sameness. "Oh God," she cried softly. She sank down on her knees in front of her daughter's crib, just watching her for some time.

Eve put a gentle hand on her shoulder. Lute was sure it was meant kindly, yet she wished she was alone with her daughter. The feeling of being watched and perceived made her feel inhibited. 

"Will she always... stay like this?" she asked, her voice trembling slightly.

"Yes," Eve replied. "The children of Limbo do not grow. They will sleep for all eternity. In peace."

There was a certain pain in Eve's voice. Lute noticed, but she had enough with herself to ponder on that. 

Had she imagined something else? A garden, with happy children laughing and playing, and her daughter would have grown and come toddling towards her? No, she would have been too small for that, but maybe crawling? Or flying... Or whatever babies did. And she'd call her mommy and stretch her arms towards her. And she'd be all healthy and chubby and smiling...

But here she was. The same. She would always be the same. Unchanged. Unfinished. She would never crawl or toddle or fly, or dance or sing, or laugh, or call her mommy. 

Lute tried to calm herself. Her daughter was what she was. But she was here. And she was at peace. No pain. There would never be pain. No tears, no heartache. Just peace. It should feel like a relief. Maybe this was better. Yet she couldn't really feel that, it didn't feel right, it felt wrong. Heartbreaking. But she was being selfish. Too selfish to be a mother. She'd heard of mothers who'd lifted heavy rocks and gained superspeed to come to their children's rescue, and mothers who'd known, felt in their hearts, that something was threatening their children. But she'd failed the test. She'd been oblivious, she'd been too slow, too distracted, too weak, to protect her own child. 

"Hey, darling," she said softly, her face a mask of guilt and sorrow and regret. Her voice sounded strained. She wasn't used to speaking like this. "Mommy's here. Mommy's missed you so much."  She didn't know what else to say. If she'd been by herself it would've been different, but Eve's presence, however warm and understanding, made her self-conscious. But she couldn't let that stop her. "Mommy loves you. Mommy wishes she was with you always," she whispered, hoping her presence and love would somehow reach her daughter. She felt compelled to hum the lullaby she'd sung in her funeral. It didn't come naturally, she felt watched, perceived, inhibited. Her voice was weak. Breathy. But she pushed through. Lute was good at pushing through. She wasn't sure how she knew that song. Maybe it was something her mother had sung to her when she was little. Or Sera... It didn't matter. Singing it to her daughter felt right. She instinctively started to rock slowly back and forth, as if she was holding her baby, rocking her to sleep. She hummed the little melody over and over. Her daughter didn't move, she kept breathing calmly. So close, yet so far away. Unreachable. She traced her daughter's profile with her eyes; the shape of her head, her cute little nose, her stubborn chin, trying to etch it into her memory. She tried not to think about Eve, of what she might think of her. That she was too much, or too little. Too emotional, or not emotional enough. Too soft, or too hard. Unmotherly. Maybe the only one she was soothing was herself.

Lute waited a few seconds before putting her helmet back on after she heard the sound of the heavy gates close behind her. She'd stayed in Limbo a lot longer than she had planned. Right now she felt way too frail to exterminate anything. But she couldn't wait much longer, she needed to get back before anyone noticed, and she needed to get to work to make up for the time she'd missed. She still wasn't back in her best shape, but at least she was on par with her sisters. She took a deep breath, made sure her helmet was properly on, letting the drugs wash over her. It was like changing gears; letting her sorrow turn to fury. She would have to wait till she was where she was supposed to be to turn the tracking back on. She cast a last glance back at the gates of Limbo, her daughter's resting place. Then she took speed and flew back towards Pentagram city.

Vaggy pushed her spear through a sinner's body with a squishy sound. She struggled to concentrate. One year ago she'd been the lieutenant of the exorcist army. Adam's girlfriend. Respected by her sisters. Then she'd ruined everything. Demoted. Dejected. Her sisters avoided her. Adam sometimes looked at her with this look that was so full of hurt: How could you? She'd done this to herself. Told herself she was doing what was right, what was just. That this child, this Hellchild, was best not being born. Exterminated. But what'd been driving her had been her jealousy.

She removed her helmet; she needed fresh air. The air in Hell was anything but fresh, of course. Vaggy found that it was harder to breathe. She deserved that. She'd spilled innocent blood. Children's blood. So she left her helmet off. The world looked different without it. More real in a way. Now she wasn't distracted by the blinking 'target' on the screen before her eyes, or the drugs that made everything easier. 

She followed a sinner down an alley ending in a dead end. A child, she saw. A child. He'd curled up on himself, crying. She'd never seen a child sinner before. Or maybe she had, and just hadn't cared till now. She would spill his blood. Children's blood. He looked so scared, he wanted to live... Why was he even in Hell? Had he done anything worse than she had? Faltering in her resolve, she ushered him to run. 

The second she saw Lute, she knew like she did when her Earthly life was stolen from her: This isn't going to end well. She just had time to be impressed by Lute's speed, before a horrible, unbearable pain in her eye left her unable to think. She was on her knees, seeing her eye, HER EYE, on the ground before her. She wanted to reach for it, horrified, desperately wanting to put it back in place, but Lute was faster. Her eye demolished by Lute's sword, her head pushed to the ground, everything happened so fast, she had no time to digest the first horror before the next was over her.

"Sinful filth like you has no place in Heaven."

A pull on her shoulders, followed by a new excruciating pain on her back. Bones breaking. Skin and tendons and nerves tearing. Her wings.

Adam and Lute in her field of vision, Adam taking her halo, before turning his back on her.

Don't go. Don't leave me here. Please! I'm sorry!

Her halo, her wings, her morality... Everything that had made her an angel was gone. Her eye closed, and she knew she deserved this.

Adam was awoken by the sound of someone barfing, followed by the familiar nasty stench. His head pounded, the smell made him want to barf too, he was fucking queasy, the room was spinning. He wasn't sure if he was hungover or still drunk. Some chick in his bed. It was a long time since he'd had anyone in his bed. Not since... not since Vaggy. He tried to focus his gaze. Judging from the hair and the undergarments, one of his exorcists. "You better fucking clean that up, bitch!" he grumbled. The chick didn't reply, she sunk down in his arms, burying her face in the hair on his chest to protect herself from the dreadful daylight, and he knew from the way she moved, and from the soft moan of displeasure she made, and from her scent even through the stench of alcohol and vomit, that it was Lute. 

He squinted his eyes and saw a halo on his nightstand. Vaggy's halo. Shit. It all came back to him. Vaggy's EYE on the ground, disgusting, the thought almost made him puke, God, her pretty face mutilated... She'd brought it upon herself, of course. But FUCK, that was crazy. Post-Extermination party. Lute'd been upset. He'd been upset. He'd handed her a drink. Then another. Lute who never got drunk. Next thing he remembered they were stumbling down the hall, Lute was barely able to keep upright, crashing into the walls, and he wasn't much better. 

He'd promised himself to keep away from her for her own sake. But now she was here, and he pushed away the thought of Vaggy - beautiful, sweet Vaggy who'd laid in his arms not too long ago and who he'd wanted to spend eternity with traitorous psycho Vaggy, who'd killed his unborn daughter. Even in this state, the thought of her tugged at his heart. Her halo was still shining. But she was dead to him. Dead. He huffed and pulled Lute closer, and she settled in his arms like she'd never been gone.

Chapter Text

"Glory is dead. Dead. Decapitated! Yael and Jessica tried to reach you, but they couldn't connect. They looked all over for you, but they had to fly halfway across the fucking Pride ring to find me, because you were nowhere to be found. So what the FUCK have you been up to?! Why did you turn your helmet off so noone could track you?! Did you have some kind of fucking family reunion, or some shit?! I've fucking trusted you, if I find out you're a traitor, I don't even know what the fuck I'm going to do to you!" Adam was up in her face, yelling. "I'm giving you one last chance to tell me where the Hell you've been, bitch, or you're in deep shit, do you hear?!"

Lute swallowed. Glory was dead. Beheaded. Glory who was so sweet, so full of life... She was like a big sister to all of the exorcists; the one who looked after everyone, made sure everyone felt welcome... But... how? Angels couldn't be killed. It couldn't be real!

But Adam's reaction was real enough. She wondered what he'd do to her - demote her? Kick her out? Beat her? Public flogging?

It didn't matter. Glory was dead. Was it her fault? If she'd been there, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Just a few hours ago she'd been with her daughter. Was that wrong of her? She drew her breath slowly, raising her head to meet his gaze. It was time to come clean. "I went to Limbo, sir," she said, her voice soft and a bit shaky. 

"You went where now?!"

"Limbo," she repeated, letting her gaze fall again. "Where unborn babies go when they... die." Not ready to face his reaction she continued. "I've been going there every year since I came back to the forces. That's why I came back. To... to see her." 

Adam looked bewildered, then his face softened. "I can't punish you for that," he sighed after a few seconds of tense silence. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wasn't sure you would approve of it," she said, "and I couldn't take that risk."

Adam's eyes darted across the room as he processed what she'd just told him. "Limbo..." he said slowly, tasting the word, before getting visibly stressed. "That's in HELL?! But... Why? What if...?"

"It's a separate dimension. In the first circle of Hell," Lute said softly. "The babies are safe there. Far from sinners... and exorcists..."

She wondered if she should tell him about Eve. But Eve had never asked her to tell him about her. On the other hand, she hadn't asked her not to tell him about her, either... Was she betraying Eve if she did? Was she betraying Adam if she didn't? Maybe he already knew?

"How... is it there?" Adam asked.

"Peaceful. The children are sleeping. They don't grow..."

Adam drew his breath. "I'll go with you the next time," he said.

He'd go with her. That felt comforting and somehow invasive at the same time. Something that'd been only hers would be theirs... Theirs should be nice. Theirs would be nice.... So she'd have to tell him about Eve. But it could wait, couldn't it? And maybe he already knew? 

"I held her today," she said, referring to their daughter.

Every time she'd gone to Limbo, she'd been a little braver. And today she'd lifted her up and held her in her arms, close to her heart. She'd been tiny, tiny and warm. Living, but not. It'd been wonderful and soul crushing at the same time. And she'd stayed a lot longer than she was supposed to.

And now Glory was dead.

She would have to digest what'd happened in Limbo later, and be professional now. 

"Are we certain Glory really is dead?" she asked, gathering herself.

"Pretty fucking sure, several of the girls witnessed it. Some bitch sinner kicked her head right off!"

So brutal. At least it had been quick. 

"But how?!"

"I don't know," Adam sighed. His anger had completely melted away now, he looked tired and defeated. "But I have to report this to Sera ASAP. Maybe she'll have some answers." He turned to leave, but then stopped and looked at her. "You okay?" he asked.

She gave him a quick nod.

"We'll talk more about this later."

He left, and she tried to make sense of all that'd happened that day.

The last years had been rough. In some ways things had been back to how they were before. In other ways, they were different. Maybe she was different. Adam was drinking a lot. He'd always been a heavy drinker, but now it was more than ever. He used his helmet most of the time, too, and Lute knew what that meant - he had constant access to the drugs. It was a thing nobody spoke of, but that quite a few exorcists did - use the drugs outside of exterminations. Lute had avoided it this far, even if it was tempting, both because she wanted to be in control of herself at all times, and perhaps because a silly pathetic part of her hoped she would get pregnant again. Even if she wasn't sure she could go through that again, and she knew the likeliness of that happening was slim to none...

It'd been easy, easier than she'd expected, to slip into old patterns. She and Adam never talked about what'd happened. Not about their engagement, not about Vaggy, not about their daughter... Adam would take her down to Earth to visit her grave once a month, and they'd sit there in silence, or maybe Adam would play the guitar, and sometimes one of them, or both, would sing...

Things weren't just shitty, either. Adam had asked her to join his band, and now she did rhytmn guitars and backing vocals. Going from the lute to the electric guitar had been a challenge, and she hadn't played in a long time, either. But Adam'd taught her, and now she was pretty decent, if she had to say so herself.

Being in the band was actually a lot of fun - it was nice to play and sing again, and the concerts were quite a kick. And she got out of the camp a bit and got to see other people and other parts of Heaven. She even had some fans of her own, apparently, which felt... weird... Adam didn't seem too happy about that. He probably didn't want to share the limelight, she thought. That was fine, she was happy to stay in the background.

The negative side of being in the band was that she regularly had to watch Adam take other women home. In that way, nothing had changed, but it was even worse now, because this time around he knew. At least he'd stopped sharing the details afterwards, even if he blatantly hooked up with other chicks right in front of her. And he mostly kept away from her sisters, which she was grateful for.

With Vaggy gone Lute had taken on all sorts of menial tasks in the army, like kitchen patrol and cleaning. She thought it would be a good way to rebuild connection and respect from her sisters - to build herself up from the ground again and show them she didn't feel like she was above them. Lute wasn't sure how much of what Vaggy had told her was true, or what her sisters thought about what she'd done to Vaggy. But her sisters' kinship meant the world to her. They were her only family, and even if she wasn't very good at showing how much she appreciated them, she hoped they would know. The only thing she hadn't done was Pearly Gates duty - there was no way in Hell that she'd interact with St. Peter unless Heaven's safety depended on it. Maybe it did now, if those suckers really had succeeded in killing an angel.

Poor Glory, she thought, feeling the lump in her throat. They'd taken her life from her, and now they'd taken her afterlife, too.

Heaven will avenge you. Your death will not be in vain.

Lute straightened herself, and decided to keep her helmet on before going to face her sisters.

"Nah, bitch, you ain't gonna get out of this! If I have to deal with that asshole, you do, too," Adam said, narrowing his eyes sadistically. He wasn't actually gonna make her come with him, but if he had to be tormented by meeting fucking Lucifer, she could atleast be tormented by thinking she had to meet him, too.

He wished he could take her with him, though. Would've been nice to have her there for moral support. He honestly needed her right now, but it was obvious that she needed him more, and that pissed him off, because that meant that he had to be the strong one. And right now he felt anything but strong. He thought about who he'd bring with him instead. Glory was his first choice, till he remembered with painful clarity why they were having this fucking meeting in the first place. His stomach sank, making him painfully aware of the knot in his stomach heavy with fear and guilt and worry. It pissed him off even more. He tried to distract himself. Focus on the task ahead. Jessica? No, Jessica had been Glory's best friend, and wasn't in the best state of mind at the time being. Who else? Zabina, maybe? Yeah, Zabina would be good.

The thought of meeting Lucifer made him feel sick, he shuddered with discomfort. He took a huge sip from his liquor bottle, before looking up.

Lute had moved to the other side of the bed. She'd pulled the covers up to her chin as if to hide, while shaking her head vehemently. "No," she whispered. "I can't, sir. I won't. Remember when you took me to see my mother, and I freaked out? This is A LOT worse."

Lute was pulling her "sir" shit. He hated it so much. Ever since she came back, she'd outright refused to say his name. Even after she was back in bed with him, she'd call him "sir". Which perhaps might've been kinky or some shit if it was some kind of game, but it wasn't - Lute obviously did it to create distance between them, to erase and deny their closeness. It irked him, and he'd mocked her for it in the beginning, but bitch was stubborn as fuck and refused to balk an inch. He wasn't surprised; she'd done the same with Sera when she'd moved out, only ever referring to her by title. He understood why, of course. But that didn't make him feel any better about it. He knew Sera was bothered by it, too.

He took another sip of liquor to calm his nerves, and looked at Lute again, better this time. And now he noticed she was trembling, looking absolutely petrified... Okay, maybe he'd gone too far this time. He sometimes forgot that Lucifer wasn't just Lute's dad - he was also her murderer. Adam was just about to let her off the hook, when a message ticked in on his phone. He scrunched his brows as he read. "Okay, that settles it! Your daddy is too much of a pussy to meet with Heaven. Asshole fucking chickened out! So you're not exempt from the meeting." He mindlessly took another sip from his bottle - he was so fucking relieved...

Lute looked shaken and confused, but seemingly tried to get herself together. "Who are we going to meet with, then?" she asked, lowering the blanket she had covered herself with like a shield.

"Your sister."

"MY SISTER?!"

A clown. She looked like a fucking clown, Lute thought to herself, as she scowled at the pathetic creature in front of her. Her sister. Lute had never liked clowns. And now she understood why - they reminded her of her father. 

A long forgotten memory came back to her. She was acting out, so it must've been shortly after she got to Heaven. Sera had gotten a clown to come to their house, presumably to cheer her up, or maybe more shut her up, she thought somberly. And she'd freaked out completely, and she couldn't remember what happened after... She scoffed. Fucking clown. 

Adam had started the meeting by playing some silly pranks on the royal brat. And now he was going on about some chick he'd fucked after their last gig. Why he'd wanna humiliate her by talking about that in front of her sister, Lute couldn't understand. But she knew what he was doing - he was dragging out time. Twenty minutes. They were having this meeting to officially declare the upcoming Extermination to Hell, while trying to retrieve Glory's body without attracting attention. So Adam would drag out the time and then announce the Extermination towards the end of the alotted 20 minutes to avoid any pushback. That way they stayed within the law, and Lucifer, or his fucking spawn, didn't get a say. 

Lute shuddered. It was pathetic how after all this time, just the thought of her father made her turn into a trembling leaf. She'd worked so hard to be strong, competent, agile... anything else than helpless and weak. And yet, here she was. 

She listened to the conversation with half an ear, while letting her thoughts flow. Lute'd never had any conscious idea about her sister. 'Her sister' had been more a concept than a person. And now, being faced with this unknown entity she studied her with watchful contempt.

Charlie was such an ugly name. Sounded like a fucking guy, Lute thought. Their parents couldn't have loved her very much. That thought felt pleasant. Not that her own name was much better... It was so short and weird and didn't even sound like a real name. Emily had spelled it as 'Loot' for the longest time when they were kids, and that was a little too close to home. Not to mention the guy after their last concert who'd been convinced that her name was 'Lewd', which she'd assumed Adam would find hilarious. But oddly it'd pissed him off. She might've taken it as him defending her honour, if it wasn't for the fact that he'd gone off with that virtue chick shortly after... But Adam'd said before that he thought her name was like a beautiful melody, so she supposed it wasn't half bad...

... “No! Our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!" the princess bitch exclaimed, pulling Lute back to the here and now. She forced her full focus back to the tiring conversation in front of her.

“Ohhh...” She and Adam exchanged looks.This was a good time to present the news. "Well, that’s not a problem! We got that covered! Lute, how many demons did you kill this year?”

Lute hadn't expected to be invited into the conversation, and she didn't particularly want to, either. But she obediantly walked up to Adam, hands on her back. “Got a good 275 this year, sir.”

“275?! Whoa! Badass! Awesome job, Dangertits, pound it!” Adam praised her. He held out his hand for a fistbump, and she reluctantly "pounded it'.

He hadn't called her 'Dangertits' since she was a teenager. Back then it had made her feel strong, sexy and mature... and now it made her feel the opposite - pathetic and filthy and juvenile. It was funny, she thought, that being with Adam had made her feel older back then. And now it made her feel like a teenager. Like she was stuck at the age of fifteen, and she would never change or grow or get past this... She hated to feel that way, especially in front of her sister.

“Uh no, not awesome. Those are my people. You know that, right?” the Hellspawn whined. Lute gritted her teeth. Little sister thought she had a right to criticize her? Good for her she didn't know who she was standing face to face with. The fact that the whiny cunt didn't know who she was made her feel stronger.

“Oh. Yeah.” Adam donned a mock sad face. “That must suck for you!"

Her sister looked shocked. “But these are souls... Human souls. Just the same as the ones you have up in Heaven.”

“They are not the same," Lute said dryly. She hadn't planned to say anything more, but this brat made it almost impossible to hold her tongue. To even suggest that the souls of the damned were the same as the souls of the saved was absurd. "They had their chance and they earned damnation.”

Some people never got that chance. Like her daughter.

“You're wrong," the little bitch persisted. “Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.”

“Angels don't make mistakes." Lute's mood was already bad, but now she was getting seriously pissy. She should of course have called the bitch out for calling the shit these sinners had done in their lives 'mistakes'. But she pushed all Lute's buttons and made it hard to think straight.

“You really think that?” The demon brat sent her a judgemental look. Who the Hell did she think she was?!

“I know that," Lute snapped. She heard Adam back her up as she walked over to her sister, circling her. "The only reason you're still here is because daddy gave you and your hellborn kind a pardon from an exorcist blade. How does that feel? To know how little you matter?”

The Hell cunt looked furious for a second, before sinking down like a dog with its tail between its legs. Good. Bitch should learn her place. If Lute hadn't been killed, sacrificed, this self important cunt would be long dead. Exterminated. And the world would've been all the better for it.

"Phew, so fucking glad to have that over with! That brat was seriously annoying!" Adam sighed with relief after they'd told said brat off, and thrown her and her crayon drawings the fuck out of there. "You should count yourself lucky you got all the good stuff, hun - the looks, the brains, the personality... Bitch didn't even have any curves! She looked like a fucking guy! And to think she'd want to redeem sinners?! Fucking delirious! Her voice was pretty nice, though. Too bad she used it to spew such utter bullshit!"

He was so fucking relieved the meeting was over. The bitch had been annoying, sure, but it could've been A LOT worse. It could've been Lucifer. "She didn't seem to have any idea about Glory... or anything else for that matter. She didn't even ask why we were having the fucking meeting in the first place!"

He cast a glance over at Lute, and it was only then he realized that she was seething. "Hey... you okay, babe?" he said, hesitating a little.

"Don't you ever compare me to my sister again, sir," Lute hissed. Her breath was unneven, her fists clenched. She looked like she could go completely unhinged any second. He knew her family, and her dad specifically, made her lose it completely.

He was about to go over and hug her, when an image appeared on the screen behind them. The knot in his stomach grew heavier as he saw Glory's corpse, and for a second he thought about Vaggy, like he sometimes did. Imagining her alone down in Hell, scared, wounded... and what those sick demons might've done to her. He shouldn't feel that way, not after what she'd done. He pushed the thought of her away, like so many times before, substituting it with the image of his cold, dead baby daughter, now confined to an eternal existance in Limbo. Traitor. 

He looked back up at the screen. To see Glory like that - cold, dead, headless - made it all the more real. She'd been with them since the beginning, he'd personally recruited her... This was his fault. Glory was dead. Angels could be killed...

... Damn if it was his fault! It fucking wasn't! It was the fault of Lucifer and all of those sick fucking demons down there! His pulse raised, he clenched his teeth.

"We found the body, sir," Lute said, barely able to control herself. "They've never managed to kill one of us before. We should just go down there now and destroy them!"

"No, no. We can't risk them catching on," he said, trying to act cool, to calm them both down. "But don't worry. When we come back, there won't be a demon left alive to pull a stunt like this again!"

Chapter Text

"This costume is much too small, I can't go to the party looking like this."

Adam heard Lute's voice from down the hall.

"I look fucking ridiculous," she said as she appeared in the doorway.

He let out a soft whistle as he let his gaze slide down her body.

Lute looked uncomfortable, she tried pulling the skirt on her green minidress down, without much luck. She was used to wearing skintight clothes, but she wasn't used to showing off a lot of skin. "This thing barely covers my ass," she complained.

"Nah, I can't go to the party looking like this," Adam said, smirking, as he gestured towards his very visible boner. 

Lute's eyes widened. She'd never seen Adam wear pants before, but damn, he looked so hot dressed up as whoever-it-was. The tunic, or whatever it was called, sat tightly around his well-shaped upper body, and the tight pants hugged his dick and muscular thighs. He looked so different from his usual robed self. She was surprised he seemed set to go unmasked in public - that was unusual these days.

"Guess you have to help me out here, babe. It's the least you can do when you go about tempting me like that."

"You were the one who got these fucking costumes," she said with exasperation; it irked her how he could just look at her with those playful golden eyes, and tear down the walls she was trying to build to protect herself in seconds. She crossed her arms protectively in front of her. It inadvertently pushed her boobs closer together, which didn't make her situation any better. "Don't tell me you've had me dress up as someone from a porn movie." She sent him a look of disapproval. The thought of walking around half naked in public like a fucking whore was not her idea of fun. 

Adam laughed heartily. "You're fucking hilarious, Lute! Don't tell me you don't know who Tinkerbell and Peter Pan are!?"

"I don't."

"You're all good, babe, they're from a children's movie, for fuck's sake!" His eyes were filled with laughter.

She sent a skeptical look down at her exposed bodyparts. "Where? In Sodom?!"

He moved closer to her, grabbed her arms and pinned her against the wall with a playful grin. "We're gonna start having movie nights, and that's an order." 

"Really now?" Her breath caught in her throat, her crotch felt heavier, she could feel her face flush, but she still tried to seem unaffected, and not push her desperate body against his.

"Do you have any idea how hot you look in that outfit?"

"Your dick kinda gives it away," she said, with something between a self-satisfied smirk and a contemptious grin. She knew she wouldn't be able to resist him, but she was too proud to balk this easily. 

He let go of her arms, and moved his hands to her breasts, his thumbs stroking her nipples. They hardened under his touch. Feeling the weight of her tits in his hands, it struck him that it was probably the only part of her body where she had any excess fat. He wouldn't mind her having more body fat, actually he would've preferred it. Yet there was something really tempting about her being so strong, so lean, so toned. The way she moved, like she was in total control at all times. He liked to make her lose that control. He let his hands follow the curves of her body. So strong, yet so feminine. She was the strongest chick he'd ever fucked. But he could still take her down, he thought with a smirk. By brute force or by other means. Not that he intended to use force against her. But he liked to know that he could...

"We don't have time for this," Lute said, trying - and failing - to sound unaffected. He could feel her heart pounding, her breath was ragged, her nipples erected. He slipped one hand down between her legs, feeling her moist through her underwear. He let his hand find its way inside her panties, and she helplessly pushed herself against him.

"I'll make it quick," he replied. His voice was husky, his eyes twinkling with wanton playfulness. 

"It's gonna get messy," she half-heartedly protested.

"Since when do you care about getting your hands dirty? Or any other body part for that matter?" He smirked lewdly.

"I don't wanna go to a fancy party with the higher ups in Heaven with your cum dripping out of my cunt..." she said, though she looked like she quite liked the idea.

The thought of her at the party with his cum inside of her and running down the insides of her exposed thighs made him harder. Anyone who got close to her would be able to see, to smell him on her. It would be obvious that she was his. Not that he would let anyone else get that close...

She pressed against him, her pupils large like a deer in the headlights, her mouth half open, inviting him against what he presumed was her better judgement. His face was close to hers, so close that he could feel her warm breath on his skin. "I'll cum in your mouth," he whispered into her ear.

"Fine," she said, her voice not much more than a sigh. She gave in, like he knew she would.

He covered her mouth with his, and she met him with her eager tongue. It was warm and wet, and he pushed his cock against her, knowing it would soon be covered in her warm and wet body as well. She grinded against him impatiently, and he pulled away a little to pull her underpants down. She stepped out of them while he pulled down his own pants - the original costume had tights but he'd had them make some pants in the same style as the shirt instead. He wouldn't want to look gay. Not that he thought he would; as the first man, he was a paragon of masculinity, but still...

His dick, just freed from the tight pants, was more than ready to again be buried in a tight space. Lute was no less eager; she pushed him back so that he sat on the desk behind him, and crawled on top of him, grabbing his throbbing cock with one hand, positioning it against her cunt. He grabbed a hold of her, taking back control, as he firmly thread her down on it, marvelling in the familiar feeling of filling her up and being surrounded by her tight, wet warmth. He forced his eyes to stay open, just so he could enjoy looking at her. She gasped and closed her eyes as she sunk all the way down on him, and he let out a deep grunting sound.

"It's kinda cute that you still get that look when you take me in all the way," he said teasingly after a few seconds, trying to sound somewhat in control of himself. Kinda cute? More like fucking hot. 

"What look?" she moaned, opening her eyes, heavy with desire. 

"The look that says you're not sure if the first dick is too much for you to handle." He loved that look, it boosted his male pride. Made him grow larger inside of her.

"I can handle it," she insisted, looking somewhere between playful and offended.

"Oh, I know you can. Noone can handle my dick like you." He thrusted deep into her again, closing his eyes in pleasure, while enjoying the high-pitched sound that escaped her lips. He let his hands slide from her hips over the small of her back, before placing them on her firm rounded ass, pulling her further down on him. Perfect.

"Oh," she gasped. "Oh shit... You're so huge inside of me!"

"Too much for you to handle?" he groaned.

"Hell no," she replied breathlessly, looking right at him with a challenging look.

It was just like her to be so damn haughty and proud. Of course, her way with his dick was something to be proud of. He chuckled, before getting up from the desk with Lute pinned on his dick. Bitch was heavier than she looked. That's what you get for having so much sheer muscle mass, he thought. But he lifted her with ease, pinning her between him and the wall. She'd wrapped her arms and legs around him, he could feel the strength of her thighs and ass and cunt as he thrusted into her again, and again, and again... She leaned her head against the wall behind her, moaning. He could come like this, it would be quick, but he was supposed to come in her mouth...

"Get on your hands and knees," he commanded, pulling out of her and setting her on the ground. She willingly complied.

He got in position behind her, and thrusted deep into her again, and she moaned and pressed her ass against him. He placed one hand on her clit, making circle movements just the way he knew she liked it. Sometimes, he made a pentagram pattern, just for the Hell of it. She would've been pissed off big time if she knew. But she didn't, and it didn't take long before she was close to coming, and there was just no way that he was pulling out when filling her pussy was just so much more tempting. Adam was a primal man. Though the thought of his semen just anywhere on her, or on pretty much any woman, was hot as Hell, filling her cunt was how it was supposed to be: The ultimate experience of pure Heavenly pleasure. She arched her back against him, making the most delicious sounds, and he let his juices flow into the depth of her with a deep moan. One day, he would make her cry his name, he thought. One day she'll be too emotional to keep her restraint, and she'll cry out my name again.

Lute let the wonderous feeling wash over her, lying down on her elbows with her ass still in the air, half waiting for him to lay down with her and cuddle and forget about this whole fucking party. When he pulled out, she was waiting for some sort of sign - a kiss, a caress, some word of endearment - to show he looked at her as something more than a cocksleeve. Instead he got up, and grabbed some tissues to wipe his dick off. It was only reasonable - they were already late... still it annoyed her.

Sometimes Lute told herself that she used Adam just as much as he used her. She needed the pleasure and the body contact, it made her forget shit for a little while, made her feel good. Sex was one hell of a drug, and Adam knew his stuff, he wasn't called the Dickmaster for nothing. He scratched her back, she scratched his. It was a good deal. Transactional. But afterwards, once the bliss started to fade, she always felt like trash. Whether he'd initiated it or for a rare occasion she had, she always felt used and filthy and rejected. It didn't seem like he did. It was so unfair. And now she was all messy from him.

"You were supposed to cum in my mouth!" she said, irritated. 

"So thirsty for me, huh, babe?" He smirked slyly, while pulling his pants back on. Despite his smug demeanor, he looked relaxed. Content. Fucking unfair.

She glared at him.

He raised his eyebrows in genuine surprise. "That's the shortest fucking afterglow I've ever seen."

"I'm gonna get cum all over my costume, for fuck's sake!" 

"Well, guess what, cunt, if I'd pulled out when you were just about to come, I'm sure you would've been bitching about that now. I just can't win with you, can I?"

Now he was irritated, too. Good.

She was standing on all fours, expecting him to hand over the tissue paper so she could wipe herself, but he didn't seem to think about her predicament, so she grabbed his robe which was laying on the chair next to her and pushed it firmly between her legs, clenching her thighs around it, before sitting down on it on the floor, waiting for as much of his semen to come out of her as she could. 

"Hey, that's one of my best robes, for fuck's sake! I'll make you personally wash that, bitch!"

She was too irritated and hurt to answer. To distract herself, she started a half hearted attempt at salvaging her hairdo. She'd tried to arrange it into a bun on top of her head, which hadn't worked too well, since most of her hair was too short, and now it was probably even more of a mess. She was already fucking stressed - stressed about going to this fancy party, stressed that they were late, stressed about Glory, about who had killed her and how, and what those sick fuckers had done to her head. But most of all about Adam seemingly not doing shit about it. Whenever she brought it up, he pointedly put her in her place.

"Of all your sisters, you've got the worst fucking PMS, you know that?! Guess your mom got cursed with that bad. I really hope she took it out on your precious daddy. Would fucking serve him right."

"I don't want to go to this party," she said, interrupting him. She strongly disliked him bringing up her parents.

"Why?"

"Because... now you had what you wanted from me, you're gonna ignore me and find someone else to fuck. I'll just be standing in a corner looking stupid, and you'll just leave." She sighed, feeling like she'd said too much, and wanting to take some of the sting out of it. "I don't even like parties anyway."

"Come on, I wouldn't do that!"

She sent him a knowing look.

"Fine! Let's make a deal, then. I promise to stay by your side the whole night AND we'll leave together. How's that for my little Princess?" He picked up a feathered hat from the desk, putting it on top of his messy hair. It looked absolutely ridiculous, but he somehow managed to pull it off.

"Okay," she said surrendered. She hated when he called her Princess. It wasn't endearing, it was never said to be nice. Why would it be? Being the Princess of Hell wasn't anything to be proud of. It was a mock title. A term of shame. She scoffed. Her sister was probably proud of it. Pathetic. She should probably feel sorry for her. Bitch didn't know any better. But the only thing her sister made her feel was differing degrees of deep-seated resentment.

"I guess I'll hop in the shower then," she said meekly.

"No, no." He grabbed her arm as she got up. "Ain't no time for no shower, hun. Put your panties back on, or don't, but we're leaving right now."

She sent him a look of incredulity, before removing his sperm-soaked robe from between her legs. For a moment she thought about throwing it at him or rub it in his face or some other welldeserved treatment, but instead she resigned and pulled her undergarments back on.

The party was just as noisy and awkward as Lute had feared. She by far had the skimpiest outfit, and made several futile attempts at pulling her dress down, which almost made her boobs spill out, at least she felt like they would. She then tried to pull it up over her bosom, which made her feel like her ass was exposed.

Adam grinned at her discomfort, handing her a drink. "Here. You need to fucking wind down, babe."

She should be glad to get out of the camp for a while - it'd been fucking dreary there after they lost Glory... But she was feeling dreary herself.

Lute took large sips from the glass, emptying it much faster than she probably should.

"You really were thirsty." 

She reached her hand out for another one, but he stopped her.

"No, no, I'm not gonna have your crazy ass drunk causing some kind of scene in front of the higher ups in Heaven." 

"Sounds more like something you would do," she grunted.

"Yeah, well, I'm the first man, and you're..."

"The Devil's daughter?"

"I was gonna say 'my second in command', but that, too, I guess." He looked at her. "Come on, chillax! This'll be fun!"

"Do you think they recognize me?" Lute asked insecurely.

"Who knows what those weird-ass Heavenborn think," he said. "Whether they recognize you or not, I'm sure all they can think of when they look at you is 'Damn, what a hottie!' I bet even the weirdest ones who don't even have those parts would get a boner just from looking at you,'" he smirked.

 "Are you insinuating I have some kind of succubus charm shit?!" she hissed.

He looked at her surprised, he hadn't really thought about it that way. "Wouldn't have surprised me," he said dryly. Noticing her death stare, he added: "Chill, hun, all I'm saying is that me and your mom were created in God's image. And you take after your mom lookwize, so yeah, we can't help that we look fucking divine!"

"Thanks for making me come here looking like a fucking whore all sticky from you!" Lute said bitterly, crossing her arms in front of her. Her nipples felt hard and sensitive against the fabric. She felt so filthy and icky and vulnerable. 

"What's gotten up your ass?! You weren't so shy about what you had to offer when you were younger. You used to flash yourself to just about anyone, for fuck's sake!" 

"I didn't know you considered yourself 'just anyone'," she retorted. She didn't like him bringing up old stuff like that. 

"You're fucking crabby today, hun, guess my first cure didn't do it's thing, huh? But I know just what to do." He pulled her along to a table full of canapés. She tried to pull back at first, but she didn't want to cause a commotion, so she went along with him. 

"Here," he said, holding a canapé in his hand and more or less shoving it into her mouth, "I'm doing everyone here a favour by feeding your hangry ass."

She wanted to protest, but she was afraid it would draw attention, so she chewed and swallowed the canapé, trying to calculate how much extra training she would have to do tomorrow to make up for both the canapé and the wine. At least she'd saved the calories from swallowing his cum...

The canapé was actually really good. Adam handed her another one, and she took it. "That's my girl," he said with a condescending grin. So she took another one just to spite him, and grabbed another drink. If he wanted her to get out of shape, then fine! 

"Nice and slow now," he said, stopping her from emptying the glass in one go. "I know how to handle a lady, and if sex doesn't work, there's only one thing that does." He led her further along the table to the chocolate, grabbed one and stuffed it in her mouth.

She hadn't had chocolate in forever. It was even better than she remembered... "Give me another one," she said, sourly, and he grinned and complied. "And stop treating me like a child," she added.

"Only if you stop acting like one."

She was just about to reply in kind, when she was startled by a loud outburst of exuberance from across the room.

"OH MY GOSH! Someone's dressed up as TINKERBELL and PETER PAN! Excuse me, I just need to go and say hello to whoever that is! I just love them!"

This kind of enthusiasm could only come from one person. Emily. Lute tried to steel herself for what she assumed would be an unpleasant encounter, as Emily headed towards them.

"GOSH, guys, I just had to..." Emily's enthusiastic grin faded as she realized who she was talking to. 

"Hi Em," Adam said casually. 

Emily was wearing pigtails and a blue and white checkered dress, holding a fucking dog in her arms. Since when did Emily have a dog? Maybe she'd just borrowed it from the Petting zoo. Lute had always hated the Petting zoo. Ever since she was little and Emily had told her that animals were great judges of character, she'd been terrified of being found out. That she was not good. Not good enough for Heaven. Once they'd been waiting in line for ages to hold a koala - Sera'd said it would 'build their character' - and when it finally was Lute's turn it didn't want to stay on her... Of course it'd wanted to stay on Emily. She'd felt so incredibly filthy and humiliated... It'd been the same when Sera invited St. Nicholas over for Christmas. She'd been dead scared he wouldn't give her any gifts. Not so much for the gifts themselves, even if that too mattered for a little girl, but for getting it confirmed, in front of everyone, that she wasn't good. But St. Nicholas had always brought presents for her and Emily both. And Adam had told her that animals might sense your fear or aggression, but they were no judges of character.

Emily quickly let her gaze run over Lute's face. Her own face was, for a seldom occasion, serious, almost emotionless. Her mouth had formed into a thin line, and for a second or two their eyes met. "Excuse me," Emily quickly said, before hurrying away.

Adam raised his eyebrows in confusion. "The fuck was that?"

Lute didn't reply, she kept her gaze fixed on some detail on the backwall.

"Hey! What's the deal with you and Emily?!" He put his hand on her shoulder to gain her attention. 

She turned towards him with an inscrutable look. "We're not on speaking terms, in case you haven't noticed."

"Since when?!"

"Since the last four years."

Adam stared at her. It was obvious he hadn't noticed. "Come on Lute, that's fucking petty, even for you! After all she did for you during... that whole... ordeal."

Lute swallowed. Of course he'd think it was she who was petty. "It's not me who's not speaking to her, it's she who's not speaking to me, if you must know."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold your horses, honey! What?! Now tell me, babe, what in the fucking Hell did you do to make Emily of all people go no-contact?!"

"It's all your fault, anyway," she muttered bitterly. 

"My fault?! For "leading you into a life of sin", or some shit? Because, believe me, sweetie, you really ch..."

"For trying to hook me up with her fucking fiancé!" Lute had imagined a stiff uncomfortable encounter with some meaningless pleasantries thrown around for good measure, before Emily would have excused herself, and they'd avoided each other the rest of the evening. What she'd seen in Emily's eyes, before she'd turned her back at her... She hated her so much she couldn't even keep up facades? 

"F... Holy fucking shit, she found out?! How the Hell did she fi..."

"I told her."

"You...?! Why?!"

"She deserves to know what kind of asshole she's getting married to. It didn't work anyway. She called me a liar and told me to leave, and she hasn't spoken to me since." 

Adam looked astounded. "Come on now, Peter's not an asshole! He's just... horny, you know! Poor guy ain't getting none."

"The fuck is wrong with you?! You knew he was engaged to my fucking sister!"

"I forgot, okay?"

"You forgot?! How the Hell could you forget something like that?! I know he comes to your fucking Sunday dinners, like he's already part of the family."

"Yeah, but... listen, I was fucking worried about you, okay? So, when you said you liked him, I just... I just wanted you to be happy, for fuck's sake!"

"And it didn't occur to you that would be problematic at all?!"

"Hey, thing is, I don't look at them as a couple, okay? I mean, it's obvious Emily and Peter aren't gonna get married."

"What do you mean?!"

"Isn't it obvious?! They've been engaged for years. If Emily wanted him, she'd have married him already."

Lute felt her heart sink. Of course you would marry someone if you really liked them. She was foolish to still think things would change. "So that's how it is, huh?" she muttered meekly.

"Uh, yeah... If you like someone, why wait for years to fuck, you know?!"

So... he'd meant... sex? Lute felt a silly sense of relief. She bit her lip. "Won't you talk to her? Tell her what really happened?"

She looked at him with pleading eyes. It was rare for her to plead with him. It made him feel all weak for her. And guilty for the few times that she had pleaded with him, most of which he hadn't obliged to. He sighed. "Emily's gonna get over it eventually."

"It's been four years."

"Take it from the first man - that's nothing in the great scheme of things."

She looked down, wrapping her arms around her as some cheap sort of consolation.

Fuck, he felt shitty! "Come on, I can't do that to Peter!" he said feebly.

"Why not?" She looked up at him, looking terribly vulnerable and feminine and in need of protection. His protection.

"Peter and I go way back! We've been friends for 2000 years!"

Her gaze dropped to the floor again. "So that's how it is, huh?" She sounded resigned.

"How what is?"

"You care more about his feelings than mine." She looked absolutely devastated. He hated to see her like that.

"'Course not, it's just that Peter's gonna be fucking upset with me, and this isn't gonna change anything between the two of us!"

"You mean that he won't put up with your bullshit, and I will?"

"Yeah, I mean, no, I mean..."

"Just because you're right, doesn't mean you should be okay with it."

She stormed out, deliberately stepping on his toes as she passed him.

"Ouch! That fuckin hurt, bitch!" he yelled. 

Too bad she was wearing these soft fairy slippers and not her heeled exorcist boots - that would've hurt a lot more. Would've served him right, Lute thought, as she rushed out of the ball room.

Adam followed her out in the hall, placing a firm grip around her arm. 

"You don't get to fucking run out on me, bitch!" he said, pressing her against the wall. 

She looked up at him. She looked like she was gonna cry.

A butler or waiter or whatever he was slowly passed by them, obviously keeping an eye on them to see if this was something he needed to intervene with. Nosy fucker.

Adam sighed, trying to calm himself. "Fuck, Lute, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know about that shit with you and Emily till right now. I'll talk to her, okay?"

"Really?" She seemed hopeful, but skeptical.

"Yeah. But I won't tell her about Peter, okay?" 

Her gaze fell.

"Just... promise to stay here, can you promise me that?"

She looked undecided.

"Promise?" he pressured.

"Fine," she sighed, leaning against the wall.

"Good. I'll go and talk to Emily."

"You better bring me some chocolate when you come back," she said grumpily to hide how nervous this made her. She didn't have high hopes, but maybe, just maybe, Emily would talk to her again.

Her comment would normally have made him chuckle, but he didn't feel like it now, so he left in silence.

Back in the ballroom Adam went to get a drink and downed it in one go, before looking for Emily. 

He didn't have to look long; she was standing by the chocolate, and was by her self, for once.

He drew his breath nervously. He had no idea what to say, he'd have to wing it. Fuck. "Hey there, Em," he said, trying to sound easy-going.

Emily looked around him in a guarded manner, but when she didn't see Lute, she seemed to relax. "Hi Adam," she said, less enthusiastic than she usually was, but not unfriendly. She let the dog down on the floor, and it went straight over to Adam, trying to get his attention. He bent down to pat it, struggling to figure out what to say. He tried to remember some Wizard of Oz quote that could fit, but his mind went blank, and he suddenly felt inclined to click his heels and say "There's no place like home", and get the fuck out of there.

But Adam wasn't usually lost for words. "Nice party," he said. "So... uh... what's the deal with you and Lute?"

Emily immediately got more guarded. "She didn't tell you?" she said.

"Nope, hun, she hasn't said shit about it, you haven't said shit about it... I had no idea there was bad blood between you two till right now."

Emily looked away, pressing her lips tightly together.

"Hey, I don't know what happened between you guys, but Lute is really upset about it..."

"She knows what she did." Emily's voice was curt, her face hard. "All she has to do is apologize."

"It's kinda hard to apologize when you leave whenever you see her, sweetie." Adam was getting frustrated. Emily was acting so different from what he was used to. Like a petulant child, he thought. Maybe she and Lute weren't so different after all.

For a moment Emily looked insecure, then her face hardened again. "She knows where to find me. If she really cared, she would've done so already."

"Come on, you know Lute, she's not good with that sort of thing! You know how proud she is! That doesn't mean she doesn't care. Things've been pretty hard for her through the years, you know."

"You can tell your concubine that if she wants to apologize, she knows where to find me. Other than that, she and I have nothing to talk about," Emily said with a pout.

Fucking stubborn little brat, Adam thought. He wanted to tell her a thing or two, but this was Emily, and that just wasn't a done thing, and he didn't want Sera to go fucking ballistic on him. Damn, he felt so shitty about this! It was all his fault. Now Emily was mad, Lute was really sad, and if he spilled the beans, Peter would be in trouble... and fuck, he would, too, Sera definitely would go ballistic on him if she found out. Fuck.

He sighed. "If that's how you feel..." he said, turning to leave, but remembered last minute to grab a chocolate for Lute. That was the least he could do.

"Well, I tried..." he said resigned, as he returned to the hallway, where Lute had sat down in a cushioned chair next to a huge golden-framed mirror, looking utterly lost. She's gonna get cum on the cushions, he couldn't help but think. It made him feel pleased. But Lute's expression was too pitiful for his thoughts to continue down that path. He sighed. "Emily's throwing a fucking temper tantrum, she wants you to apologize and shit..."

"Where's my chocolate?" Lute said grumpily. She'd wrapped her arms and wings around her, like she was cold.

"Here." He gave it to her, and she put it in her mouth. He wished he had a coat or something to put on her shoulders, 'cause she looked like she was freezing. "Come. I'm taking you home," he said resolutely.

"You don't wanna stay and get drunk and fuck some multi-eyed chick, or seduce a virgin saint, or whatever it is you usually do?" Lute said. Her voice was dull.

"I said I would stay with you and leave with you, and you're not having fun, so we're leaving now."

"Come on, you love parties, I don't need you bitching about how I ruined the night for you." 

"You didn't ruin my night. And besides, I don't want you flying around alone at this hour, wearing that." He cast a glance towards her cleavage.

"Why?" she asked, annoyed. "I'm an exorcist, it's not like I can't protect myself. You let me walk around alone at night when I was fifteen, for fuck's sake, and now you're suddenly worried about me, or some shit?!"

Did she have to be so irritating?! He was trying to be honest with her here, putting his ass on the line... But noone could irritate him like Lute. Not in that way, and he liked that way. The truth was that he loved their banter. He loved pissing her off, he loved when she pissed him off, he loved when they fucked and cuddled and made up. He just loved spending time with her.

"I was a fucking idiot to do that," he said slowly. "Fuck, just... the thought of someone else even touching you, just really..."

She raised her brows. "Really now?!" she said, astounded. "You seemed pretty eager to hand me off to someone else just a few years ago." There was hurt in her voice. She wrapped her wings tighter around her.

"Yeah, well, my lack of judgement back then is pretty fucking obvious. Don't even get me started on that sicko bitch Vaggy!"

Lute's jaw clenched at the mention of his ex. He noticed, and tried to distract her.

"Hey, I'll talk to Emily about Peter, okay? I guess this is my fault, after all."

"You will?" Lute asked, looking very vulnerable and small. 

"I will, I promise. But it'll have to be after the next Extermination. Too much fucking drama! I mean, Sera's probably gonna get on my case, and..."

He grabbed her hand, helping her up. "You're coming home with me, and we're gonna watch Peter fucking Pan, and call it a night."

"Do you have chocolate?" Lute inquired.

He chuckled. "I'll have some delivered specially for you, hun."

They left, and flew to his house hand in hand. Adam started singing some weird-ass song about how they could fly, which Lute thought was odd, since they were angels... of course they could fly!

Later, as they sat snuggled up on his couch watching Peter Pan, Lute couldn't help but wonder if Adam'd had her dress up as this Tinkerbell person as some not-so-subtle way of mocking her. She fucking hated that dickhead Peter Pan! Yet she crept closer to Adam, taking what she could of his warmth, and comfort, and presence. She had this. Even if he looked at her as a pathetic fool for him, even if she was a pathetic fool for him, she had this, and she would do anything in her power to keep it that way.

Chapter Text

If someone had told Lute that she one day would shout profanities in front of the higher court of Heaven, she wouldn't have believed them. But somehow, she'd done just that. And it was all the fault of none other than the literal sister from Hell...

Lute'd had a lot of bad days in her afterlife, but this day, though not among the very worst, still came pretty high up on the list. 

It'd started out pretty good. They had a day off - well, Adam had a day off, anyway; he'd insisted on Lute serving as his body guard ("It's part of your job, babe." "Since when!?" "Since right now."), so she'd have to follow him around wherever he wanted to go, and fend off crazed fans if needed. Adam was of course perfectly able to take care of himself, but Lute was just glad she got to hang out with him. 

They'd been having a comfortable stroll down the Promenade, and Lute was quite enjoying herself for once, and then things started going downhill from there: Out of nowhere, Sera, Emily, the-little-Hellbrat-she-unfortunately-had-to-acknowledge-was-her-sister and Vaggy appeared. Together. In Heaven.

Having to deal with Sera was usually enough to put a damper on an otherwise okay day. Sera, however, had been the smallest problem. 

Looking back Lute wasn't sure what'd been worse; Emily and that demon bitch hanging out like they'd fucking grown up together, or the fact that said demon bitch turned out to be in a relationship with her child's murderer. She closed her eyes and swallowed, before clenching her teeth and fists. Oh, the last was definitely the worst.

Sometimes when Lute couldn't sleep at night, and all the shit that gnawed at her kept her up, and she thought about her daughter all alone in her crib down in Limbo... she'd fantasize about what was happening to Vaggy right then. How she'd be brutally raped, or torn apart and eaten alive, again and again for the rest of eternity. The certainty that Vaggy would never again have a moment of peace and joy, not a single moment free from pain, calmed her, made her feel at ease. She'd done what she could to set things right. There was nothing more she could do, and she held on to that thought to calm herself down, ease her nightmares and slow her breath and heartbeat.

But that apparently hadn't been the case. That repulsive creature who had once called herself an angel had lived a life of luxury with Hell's royal family.

Lute's family. 

The whole thing made her sick - Vaggy had obviously gone out of her way to seduce her little sister, which was disgusting in itself, to... Lute wasn't sure what the traitor's endgame could be, but she was obviously out to break her. But Lute couldn't be broken, not more than she already was...

She drew in a shallow breath. The day had only gotten worse from there. Her sister had been even more unbearable now than she was the last time, spewing some moralistic shit about redemption and second chances, and making everyone watch some sort of shitshow with some sinners in Hell who were apparently staying at her little brothel. Little bitch must be slow - coming to Heaven and showing people going partying at a bar?! If Lute hadn't been so upset, she would've been embarrassed.

Lute hated to waste time. She had zero interest in the denizens of Hell, other than keeping their numbers down, and had it been up to her, that number should've been down to zero already and kept there. And she didn't understand what this was supposed to prove - they were in Hell for what they'd already done. They'd had their chance, and they'd earned damnation. It wasn't difficult to comprehend. Even if someone didn't act like a complete asshole every single moment of the day, it didn't mean they weren't one. And it didn't erase the shit they'd done.

... And then Emily had gotten involved, because of course Emily would get involved... The little Hellbrat had been insulting Heaven. They'd both claimed eternal damnation wasn't fair and had asked for criteria to get into Heaven. As if it was Sera, or Adam for that matter, who decided. What part of 'divine judgement' didn't they understand?! Judgement was already passed. It was fair, it was the same for everyone.

Sera and Adam had really done a shockingly poor job of putting the entitled brats down, and when Vaggy re-entered the room, Lute just couldn't hold it in anymore. She was afraid she'd made quite an exhibition of herself - sometimes when Lute got really mad, she kinda blacked out. Afterwards she could only remember bits and pieces of what'd been said and done. She remembered shouting... And then, Adam'd let the cat out of the bag and exposed the exterminations...

After abruptly ending her sister and Vaggy's little visit, Adam'd just left. Lute had stuck around a little bit, waiting for Sera to scold her, and for Emily to look at her with shock and horror, telling her what a horrible person she was. It wasn't that Lute wanted them to do that, but the fact that they didn't even seem to care enough to acknowledge her presence still hurt.

She'd eventually left the building with a mixture of feelings. Embarrassment and shame over losing her cool in front of everyone, and over being related to that demon bitch, and the conclusions people might draw from that combination. Joy and schadenfreude over seeing her sister and her worthless mistress sucked down to the shitty realm where shitty creatures like them belonged. Anger and disbelief that they'd showed up here, where she was supposed to be safe, and had been fucking rude and made a spectacle of themselves while they were at it. Fear of what would happen now that the exterminations were exposed, and that her sister's sick ideas would somehow gain traction and cause disorder and chaos. Sadness and grief at the thought of her daughter. And of her original family, and the family she'd grown up in, none of which were hers anymore. Not that she wanted them to be. But it still hurt. Emily was oh-so-shocked to learn the truth about Sera. But it apparently wasn't a surprise when it came to her. And Sera didn't even deign to look in her direction. It was obvious that she didn't matter. 

Lute looked around for Adam. Part of her had hoped, had expected even, that he would've been waiting for her outside the court building; he must know how hard this had been for her. But he was nowhere to be found, so Lute sighed and took off. She didn't fly directly to the camp, she needed to clear her head and calm herself a bit before facing her sisters. 

Now away from everyone and everything, the fact that Emily and her actual little sister had gotten along so well, started to get to her. She'd always felt like she didn't belong in Heaven, like she couldn't fit in because she was Hellborn. But her sister, her Hellborn, Hellraised, demon sister, seemed to have no such problems. And the person she had considered her sister for most of her life, the person she'd grown up with and whom she still loved like a sister, even if it wasn't mutual, had immediately bonded with her actual sister - the little brat that had taken everything from her - her place, her family, her safety and innocence... the one her parents had loved more, the one they had chosen to stay...

Lute hadn't gotten too far when her thoughts were disturbed by a tight grip on her arm, aggressively pulling her to a sudden stop.

Adam.

"Where the Hell do you think you're going, bitch?! Think you can just run away, huh?! After that little show of yours in the courtroom!" he spat. His masked face was glowing with vitriol. "Damn you, bitch, look what you fucking drove me to, you damn slut!"

Lute turned to face him. She'd felt so strong earlier when they were together; a team with a mutual enemy. Now it felt as if she was the enemy... Her head fell to her chest. Was it her fault? She couldn't even remember exactly what she'd said or done. But she knew she'd been inappropriate...

She swallowed. "I'm sorry, sir," she said, face down.

Her unreserved humbleness calmed Adam's anger a few notches. He drew his breath in, then slowly let it out. "Hey," he said gently. "You shouldn't have egged me on, but... I was the one who slipped up." He drew his breath in through his teeth. "Fucking scum coming up here, acting disrespectfully and shit!" 

Lute didn't reply. Other than a few chirping birds and the distant sounds from the Promenade far below them, the flapping of their wings was the only sound breaking the silence.

"This was really hard for you, wasn't it?" Adam asked.

She nodded. 

He took a liquor bottle from his pocket, took a big sip and handed it to her. Lute hesitated for a second before grabbing the bottle and taking a sip of her own. She recognized the numbing warmth starting in her throat and spreading through her chest from the few times in her life that she'd had liquor. It was pleasant and unpleasant at the same time. She quickly took another sip.

"Come," Adam said once she'd given the bottle back, grabbing her hand and starting to move. "We're going home." 

Lute was unsure if he meant her home, or his home, but she followed him all the same. 

Should've been their home, she thought. Ever since she became Adam's... whatever-she-was, she'd dreamed of his home being their home... When she was just fifteen and had begged him to take her away from Sera, that was what she'd wanted. But he'd said it was inappropriate, and that Sera would never accept it... Still, it was almost hers, too, she thought. After all, it kinda felt like home to her. She knew her in's and out's of all the cupboards. Her lute and her guitar, the few things she owned, had permanent residency at his place. How many nights had she spent there in his bed, close to him. Like a wife. She was so stupid...

They were headed towards the camp. Her home, then. She sighed. Lute wasn't looking forward to breaking the news to her sisters. She swore to herself that she'd spend the rest of the day in the arena, beating all the training dummies to pulp - she didn't feel safe to spar with her sisters right now - followed by running and flying laps till she collapsed of exhaustion. After body contact, vigorous exercise was her go-to method to get stress out of her system for a little bit, and God should know she needed it right now...

"Bitches," Adam said, after gathering the other exorcists and informing them about what'd transpired, "we'll start the next extermination by taking down the bimbo princess' little hotel, and then, we'll go on a killing spree so bloody that noone will be left to tell about it." 

There was cheering. Lute hadn't known beforehand what Adam was going to say, but the feeling of unity here in the camp made her feel warm and proud. Proud to stand here with the others, all of them in uniform to signify that they were unified for a mutual cause: the protection of Heaven. These girls were her real sisters; this was her family, her home.

"In memory of Glory," Adam added. 

"In memory of Glory."

Lute's throat tightened. She closed her eyes, visualizing Glory's face. It was almost as if she could see her kind eyes, hear her laughter, her voice... Those sickos had taken her from them, deprived her of her afterlife. It was absolutely devastating.

Lute defiantly straightened her back and neck. They would avenge Glory. Together. They would right what had been wronged. The thought of that gave her new strength.

Adam dismissed the others, then turned to Lute, who was about to head towards the training field. "Come," he said, grabbing her hand in a firm grip, "now we're going home." Before she had time to think, they were up in the air.

They flew in silence towards his house. It was a path she knew all too well. Lute sent some paranoid looks down on the streets below them. Things seemed like usual. No shock, no uproar... Maybe the word hadn't spread yet. Or maybe noone cared... It shouldn't be a big deal - she herself had been pleased to learn about it back then... It was only because of the secrecy, of Sera's strict rule of silence, that she'd even think anyone would react negatively. That, and people like Emily, who thought a smile and a hug and a cone of ice-cream was enough to make the world a better place...

Heaven looked beautiful from above. Peaceful. Happy. Lute wished she could feel peaceful and happy like that. But apparently she couldn't. Apparently she wasn't built that way. There were moments, of course, where she'd feel like that... But they never lasted, not for long. She'd always thought it was because of who she was, where she came from... But her sister made her question that assumption; fucking bitch seemed to have the excitement level of a five year old... Not that Lute'd had that kind of excitement level even at that age... Come to think of it, her overly excited sister hadn't taken it so well when she didn't get her way, spoiled entitled little brat, she was... She was acting like a five year old all around, it seemed...

It wasn't a long flight, and they landed in front of Adam's door before Lute got to finish her line of thought. He hurried in and more or less pulled her along with him. And as the door closed behind her, she felt some semblance of peace - this was their little sanctuary. At least she could pretend that it was...

"Phew!" Adam said, throwing himself on the couch and proceeding to take off his helmet and throw it on the floor. "We'll order some food and fucking call it a night."

Lute nodded her head in silence, though she knew, and she knew that he knew, too, that they'd had to be alert, that Sera might get on their case, and who knew what'd happen... She removed her own helmet, and sat down next to him.

Adam picked up his phone and ordered some ribs, then put the TV on to divert them. Lute wasn't particularly fond of ribs, but he didn't ask, and she didn't say. There was some movie on, she noticed, but she didn't care enough to pay attention.

Adam zapped till he reached a channel showing 80's rock music videos. He turned the sound up loud.

Lute sighed. Her head was full of conflicting thoughts and feelings, and the music made it hard to concentrate. Now that she was sitting down, she started to realize how exhausted she really was. It was one of the reasons she didn't like sitting still; whenever she sat down, she started to notice all of her muscles aching, and how worn and tired she was... She'd rather keep going till she could throw herself in bed, too tired to think after a hard day's work... Though the truth was that even on days like that, she often struggled to sleep. When she was busy, when she was pushing herself one way or other, she kept all those messed up thoughts and feelings at bay. And when she laid down in silence, they haunted her relentlessly...

Adam had started humming along to the music, mouthing the guitar solo, but seemed to lose focus almost as soon as he'd started. He turned the volume back down a few notches.

The food arrived. Adam'd put his liquor bottle on the table, and they ate and drank in silence. The atmosphere was tense, they both waited for something to happen. For Sera to call or show up, maybe... You could never know when she'd show up... Not that she normally did; Lute didn't think she had since Lute was a teenager sneaking out to visit Adam... It'd been a fear of hers back then - to feel safe and unwatched, and suddenly having the person in Heaven she was the most afraid of appear out of nowhere, being less than pleased with her... But that was a long time ago, and up until today, Lute'd long stopped worrying about that. But now she felt as if they were being watched, as if the walls had ears, as if the privacy of Adam's home could be disturbed at any moment. She anxiously gnawed on a rib, feeling perceived and very unladylike. 

"Do you think people are gonna riot?" she asked.

"Nah..." Adam said. "Sure, there'll probably be a bit of drama, and then people are gonna forget and move on, sans a few misguided bleeding hearts. You know the type..."

Lute bit her lip, looking skeptical.

"Trust me, babe, I've been around my fair share of controversy - it's gonna pass. This is Heaven after all, it's not like we're in the wrong. Sera's just worried about Emily not seeing her as this perfect holier-than-thou being-of-pure-light, nothing else. And she doesn't want people to know the threat that Hell could pose on us. It kinda ruins the Heavenly vibe, you know." He grabbed the remaining rib from her plate; he'd long since finished his own serving.

Lute nodded; she supposed that made sense. She put the finished rib back on her plate, and wiped her face and hands with a napkin.

"Speaking of Sera, guess you don't have leverage with her anymore," Adam said thoughtfully. He'd lowered his voice now, he too was afraid Sera may appear and overhear him. 

Lute sent him a haughty look. "Oh, I still do," she said.

He wiped his mouth with his gloved hand, then cocked his head curiously, waiting for her explanation.

"If she thinks the people of Heaven have issues with the lowest scum ever to exist getting exterminated to keep them safe, then I would assume they'd be more upset to learn an innocent child was killed for their safety."

Adam nodded in agreement - that was a logical conclusion to draw. He studied her. She still had a cocky look on her face. Haughtiness became her, he thought. But he knew her background was a sore spot. He searched for something to say, not sure if he should play along with her haughtiness or focus on the vulnerability that lay beneath. But what'd happened to her as a child made him feel uncomfortable, not to mention all that shit with Vaggy and the baby... He was sure they'd both feel better if he distracted them. And the distraction he had in mind - the distraction he always had in mind - felt way more tempting than anything else... He pushed all thought of dead children away, and turned towards her.

"You were so hot in there, you know that?" he said, his eyes gleaming playfully. "When you leaned over the railing and told those fucking demons off, I wanted to bend you over and fuck you from behind. And then you crossed your legs like a cocky little whore... I could barely contain myself. If it hadn't been for the fact that I'd already fucked you this morning, I don't know what I would've done..." He paused. "You know what I wanna do?! I wanna take you back there, just so I can hear your moans echo through those court room halls."

Lute raised an eyebrow. "I don't think desecrating the Heavenly Court is going to make this situation any better," she said dryly, but a small smile played on her lips.

"I beg to disagree," he said with a smug grin. "Besides, there's no desecrating going on, babe. It'd be more like cleansing the place from Hellish energy and replace it with angelic pleasure."

"I strongly doubt the High Seraphim's gonna feel the same way."

"Yeah, well, she's already got her panties in a twist, it won't make much of a difference." He lowered his voice. "We'll go back there tonight," he whispered into her ear. His lips parted and he let them work their way from her ear down her neck. 

Lute turned her head towards him. "I really don't want to get in more trouble with the seraphim, sir..." she said. "I'm not exactly her favourite person..."

The slight tremble in her voice made Adam stop and look at her. Her haughty look was gone. Instead, she looked terribly vulnerable.

If Adam loved cocky Lute, he loved vulnerable Lute even more. Maybe because he knew she didn't show that side to anyone other than him. It made him feel strong and manly, made him want to comfort and protect her. 

"Hey, hey, hey," he said. "I know Sera's done a lot of shit to you, and I'm sure she'll be the first to admit that, because, trust me, she's well aware of what she's done. Honestly, I don't think you'd even need any leverage with her at this point - I'm pretty sure she'd be more than eager to make up for the past and do anything you bid out of guilt."

Lute looked away. "That's not funny," she said. 

"I'm not making fun of you! Bitch's fucking guilt-ridden! I know you may not believe it, but she cares about you, you know. When I told her you were pregnant, she was so damn excited for you, you should've fucking seen her!"

He could feel Lute tensing up. Adam instantly regretted mentioning the baby. He was messing up everything today, talking about all sorts of shit that he should keep his mouth shut about... And now that Vaggy, that fucking traitor, had dared to show her face up here in Heaven, it was even more inappropriate...

Thinking about Vaggy made his throat tighten. He'd said, he'd tried to convince himself, that she was dead to him. Sometimes, he'd opened his nightstand drawer and watched her halo. He'd felt inclined to touch it, but he'd always resisted that urge...And here she was, looking so soft and feminine and beautiful... He was glad her hair hid her mutilated side, he had no wish to see that again...

... For some reason, he'd imagined she'd suffered horribly at the hands of sinners, like one of those virgin saints - pure and innocent against the horrors of Hell... But she'd apparently been living a happy life of sin with that royal demon bitch!

Bitch shouldn't be allowed to make him feel this way! Adam clenched his teeth. Lucifer had taken his wives. And now Lucifer's spawn had taken Vaggy from him! Even if he was the one who'd dumped fucking Vagina, it still felt like she'd been stolen from him, like she had left him. But guess what, Lose-ifer, I've got your other daughter!

Adam stopped himself. He was doing it again. Using Lute to punish her parents. Maybe only in his thoughts, but still. And she didn't deserve that, God, she didn't deserve that! This was the reason he didn't deserve her, this was exactly why he needed to keep his distance..

Lute'd leaned her head on his shoulder. He should probably get up, push her away, but she was obviously upset, she needed him... so he wrapped his arms around her. She leaned closer to him, and they both lay still like that for a little while.

He silently cursed himself. That he would even for a second think about Vaggy that way after everything... He was a horrible person... Way too weak. Too weak to keep those thoughts from entering his mind. Too weak not to act upon his stupid impulses. Too weak to give up on Lute, even if he was making everything worse for her...

"Come," he said, pulling his gloves off and tossing them on the floor, "and take off your uniform." He gestured for her to sit between his legs, and she complied without question. "Time for some r&r, babe! You need a fucking massage," he declared, putting his hands on her shoulders. She was fucking tense. Lute was always fucking tense. She tensed a little more as he began working on her, before gradually relaxing into it. He made a mental note that he needed to do this more often.

She sat in silence as he took his time loosening up her neck and shoulders. He had to be pretty rough with her for it to have any effect, but she took it on the chin, though he bet it was quite painful. "You better start taking better care of yourself, hun," he said, digging his thumbs deep into her shoulder blades.

"Is that an order?" she asked, strained.

He chuckled. "Yeah, sure. But seriously, though, you're fucking tense! Maybe I'll incorporate you girls massaging eachother into your daily routine. Wouldn't mind watching that..." 

"Fuck you," she said. 

"What?! It'll do you a ton of good, for fuck's sake! But if you prefer me to do it..."

She seemed content with that, so he continued, working his way down to her wings. They were no less tight. He stroke his fingers over the soft feathers. Adam had ambivalent feelings when it came to wings - they were handy, sure - flying was pretty fucking practical - not to mention cool... and they looked pretty badass, too... They were nice as an extra layer to cover oneself with, and lying spooned with a chick, they felt soft and nice against his upper body... but still, he could never escape the feeling of them being in the way, of not getting quite close enough...

As Adam was getting lost in his thoughts, he ceased massaging her, and let his hands rest on her upper back. Despite the rather painful massage, Lute had been quite enjoying herself. Now, she leaned her head on him, enjoying his scent, his warmth, the sound of his heartbeat. It made her feel safe. It was him and her. Together. Against everything.

At least right now.

She felt his arms tighten around her, like he was afraid she'd slip out of his grip. It drew a smile to her lips; Adam had been kind of possessive of her lately. It confused her, but she liked it. She wanted him to be possessive of her. The thought that he'd been willing to pass her around like a parcel just a few years ago, made her feel sick, outright nauseous... Her breath hitched. Everything felt confusing and uncertain, and she wasn't sure where she stood with anyone right now. She grabbed his upper arms in a claw-like grip, trying to calm herself. Her breath slowly steadied and the feeling of panic let go. She sighed in relief.

Adam didn't seem to have noticed her little bout of despair, or maybe he had but didn't care, what did she know? His phone beeped, and he picked it up and looked at the message. "Fuck!" he exclaimed.

Lute saw it was from Sera, but turned her head to avoid reading it. It was rude to read other people's messages, after all. And perhaps she was afraid that she'd see something that wasn't meant for her eyes, something negative about herself... She wasn't sure what to think about what Adam had said about Sera earlier - he was probably wrong about that... Lute thought back to their last one-on-one encounter, the time she'd asked Sera about her daughter's fate... She had kinda apologized... But she'd also called their daughter a bastard child... And she hadn't as much as looked at her in the courtroom today... Adam was definitely wrong.

"What did she say?" Lute asked, somewhat hesitantly. 

"Not much. She's disappointed, Emily's upset, the Heavenly Council, bla bla... We'll be meeting with her tomorrow."

He sighed.

Lute wanted to ask if she had to come, but didn't. She needed to be professional, and she was pretty sure this wouldn't have gotten so out of hand if she'd just kept her mouth shut. So it was only right she was by Adam's side during the fallout. Truthfully, she didn't regret whatever she'd said, those damned Hell creatures fucking deserved it.

"Fuck Vaggy!" Adam grumbled, as if reading her mind.

She drew in her breath slowly. "Do you still care about her?" she asked, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.

Sometimes Lute wondered if Adam resented her because of what she'd done to that bitch. That she'd taken his precious girlfriend from him... And now said bitch was back, and had even grown her hair out... She knew Adam liked long hair... And the way he'd spoken about her sister, too, and the two of them together... She shuddered. Did he really think that, or was it just something he'd said to spite his vile ex? He couldn't really think that, not about them, not after what they'd done, could he?!

"No," he said. That was a lie, and not. Vaggy still invoked feelings in him, it still hurt just to see her, and to see her with someone else. And a bitch, too. Come to think of it, it being a bitch actually made it better - guess she couldn't get any good dick in Hell... Or maybe she was just using Lucifer's little brat for her own benefit... Maybe she'd just been using him, too...

He swallowed. It didn't matter. It wasn't like he wanted her back, not really. "Why? You jealous or some shit?" he said, trying to regain his composure.

Lute sighed, but didn't answer that. "She was special to you." Her voice was surprisingly soft - she usually spat Vaggy's name or whatever term she used to refer to her out like a curse, or uttered it through gritted teeth, if she'd even take it in her mouth at all.

"You're special to me," he said. It was a spontaneous admission. Something that was obvious, always implied, but never said.

"Not like her," she said, strained. "We both know I've never been enough for you."

"Why would you say that?!"

"If I was enough, you wouldn't feel a need for anyone else." 

"I wouldn't call it a need exactly, more like..."

"I used to tell myself that that's just how you are..." she said, interrupting him. "But you weren't like that with her. That was different. You wanted to be exclusive, wanted it to be official. Take her out, give her flowers... Show her off to the world. Not like with me. You weren't ashamed of her."

"I've never been ashamed of you," Adam said, it took him by surprise that she would think that. "If I've ever been ashamed, it's been of myself." He hesitated a moment before continuing. "I... I've done a lot of stupid shit when it comes to you. You deserve much better, okay? That's why I try to keep away from you. It's just... really hard."

"You... you're not exactly 'keeping away from me'." Lute moved her head a little.

"I try to, okay? That's why I fuck other chicks and stuff, you know?"

She moved away and turned so that she was facing him. "You fuck me, then you fuck some other chicks because 'I deserve better'?" Her golden eyes flickered with confusion and anger. Her voice was incredulous. "That's the most pathetic attempt at sweet-talk I've ever heard. And I've heard A LOT from you."

That was true, though most of it hadn't been aimed at her. He didn't even need to put up that effort, she thought. Damn, she was so pathetic...

And even if she saw through it, she'd still fall for it. She wanted to fall for it. She wasn't even certain what she wanted from him at this point. The truth? She wasn't sure she could handle it. Maybe she just wanted him to lie to her, play pretend, if she couldn't have what she really wanted?

Adam paused. When she said it like that, it did sound fucking stupid. It'd made sense in his mind... God, he was such a fucking idiot, he'd done the exact same thing again - kept her on ice, pushing her away, then pulling her back. He'd made no obligations to her, trying not to hurt her, and now she thought he didn't care. Again! Of course she did, she couldn't read his mind...

He tried to get things straight in his head, analyze what'd gone wrong. Because thinking back, he had been totally infatuated with Lute in the beginning. He'd wanted to please her, to make her smile, make her feel safe...

Maybe the problem was that he'd never had to examine his feelings for a woman before. Lilith and Eve had been made for him. There'd been no questions there, no ifs... Not from his side, at least...

Other women, women of Heaven, had been... diversions. Meaningless, but pleasant encounters. Sure, he'd been quite infatuated with a few, but not in a way that would warrant exclusivity, or thoughts and dreams of a future. 

Lute'd been different. Things with her had just kinda happened, it'd been secret, forbidden, exciting... And maybe it was because of that, the taboo, the hiding, that he'd never put into words what she was to him or what he was to her...

And then, when the novelty wore off, he hadn't thought twice about fucking other chicks... He hadn't meant for it to change anything between them, hadn't thought it would... He'd had his cake and got to eat it, too. Of course he'd noticed Lute'd changed over time, that she'd become more closed off, more distant... but he hadn't understood why...

He was so fucking stupid.

Years later, when Vaggy got in the picture, he'd had no reason not to act upon his feelings. And thinking back, his feelings for Vaggy hadn't been any different from what he'd felt for Lute in the beginning. And his feelings for Lute hadn't changed, not really, and maybe his feelings for Vaggy hadn't either, but they would. After seeing her today, seeing how she'd moved on, what side she was on, he was sure of it.

He realized he'd been holding his breath, and let it out in a long sigh. He needed to let go of the past. Eve wasn't coming back. He'd waited for her for the longest time, it took him a millennium to even start thinking about other chicks...

And having been fuck buddies with Lilith for a couple of years, she still meant a lot to him... but he was finally over her. They'd talked a lot these past few years. And, petty as it was, Lilith had told him he was a much better lover than Lucifer. That meant a lot - when she left him, that was one of the many insults she'd thrown his way - that he sucked in bed... With Eve, and later, after he did start to fuck other chicks, he'd been desperate to prove himself. To learn and perfect his skills... He knew his way with a chick now. Better than anyone, he dared say. But to have Lilith compliment him like that still felt fulfilling, like he could leave those insecurities of not being good enough, in bed and in all other ways, behind him.

"I'm sorry," he said and meant it. "I've never meant to hurt you."

That wasn't 100% true; there were those times when he did want to hurt her... those times when he enjoyed to humiliate her and put her in her place... But he couldn't be honest about that... He was pretty sure telling her that his relationship with her parents did play in on how he'd treated her, that it'd been that way ever since the beginning, and even now that he was aware of it, there were times when he still couldn't contain himself, wasn't going to make her feel better...

He reached out to grab his liquor bottle and was about to take a sip, but Lute grabbed the bottle from him and put it to her mouth. He was about to take it back, but decided to let her finish first.

... He should tell her something, though... Explain himself. Some sanitized version of things. He drew his breath apprehensively. "When you came back, I thought I should stay away from you, because I was afraid I'd hurt you again..." he said. "Then, when things happened, I... I was too selfish to... to stop. And I thought, if I keep it casual, if I see other chicks, too, you won't get too involved..."

Damn, this sounded like utter bullshit now he said it out loud, what the Hell had he been thinking?! "Uh... I know this sounds like utter bullshit, but it's... it was my reasoning..." He let out a nervous breath. "So... uh... if you want me to stop doing that... fuck other chicks, I mean.... I'll do that."

Lute turned to look at him. Her face was hard to read, but she looked surprised. Astonished, even. Like he'd said something she truly hadn't expected.

"I mean... you can demand things from me, you know."

"What do you mean, demand things?!" she said, scrunching her eyebrows insecurely. She was so cute when she did that.

"Like, you know, if you don't want me to get with other chicks, you can just ask. That's what Vaggy did."

You can just ask. That's what Vaggy did. Lute felt completely dumbfounded by this new revelation. She'd never thought she was in a position to demand things from him. Or maybe she had once, before that incident at the bar, she'd thought... but she'd been stupid then. Vaggy had just asked him? And he'd accepted it? It was shocking. She would never have done that. Not if he didn't want to... But now that he'd said it, she wasn't sure how to react.

She sat back down on the couch, and crept close to him again. It took a few seconds before she replied. "I'd like that," she said softly. "But I don't want it to be... I don't want you to feel like I'm a chore, a burden... I'd rather you fuck other chicks, than for you to resent me..." 

"I would never." He put his arms around her, and held her tight. Everything felt warm and nice and good.

Adam wished they could just stay like this. But there were things, other things that were unspoken of, between them. Things that might play a part in their relationship, a much bigger part than either of them would like to acknowledge, things they'd rather ignore... He leaned his head on her for a little while, a bit of respite before he'd bring up the next topic. He drew in his breath, trying to psych himself up. "Hey Lute.... can we talk?"

"Isn't that what we're doing?"

"I mean... about... stuff..."

"What kind of 'stuff'?"

"... Like what happened that first time in my office."

Lute immediately tensed up again. 

Adam wasn't sure if this was a good idea. They'd never talked about that before, hardly ever mentioned it. But now that the words were spoken, they couldn't be unsaid.

It took a few seconds before Lute spoke. "Why?" she said.

"I just... I mean, that was really fucked up... I... uh... I just thought.... you know, that it might be good for you... for us... to... to talk about that."

"You get some sick kick out of hearing about it or some shit?!" she said, but her voice was soft. 

"No!" He didn't, did he? "I just think it would be good for you to talk about it."

He wasn't sure this was the right thing to do. Maybe this was another violation...

"I don't want to talk about it," she said after a little while.

"Why not?"

"Because it wasn't a big deal."

"Seemed like a pretty big deal to me." 

"It wasn't," she insisted.

"You seemed pretty upset about it at the time. You were crying and shit."

"I'd already been crying before it happened. Once you start, it's kinda hard to stop."

God, she was so stubborn... Why wouldn't she just talk to him?! He was about to reply to her, but she beat him to it.

"I've never blamed you for that, if that's what you think."

"You called me a rapist once," he retorted. He instantly regretted his words. He wasn't supposed to say that, he was supposed to listen to her, not argue... And here he was pettily nitpicking her choice of words. It was so far from how he'd planned this conversation to go, which arguably wasn't very much, but still... He searched for the right words for an apology.

Lute drew her breath. "I only said that to hurt you," she said softly, "because... because I felt so rejected. You said you regretted becoming my guardian... and I just... to know that my parents didn't want me, and Sera didn't want me... and then you didn't want me, either... I felt so worthless. So I wanted you to feel worthless, too. I didn't mean anything by it."

So she remembered. It was a long time ago. But she seemed to remember it vividly. Just like him. "I didn't mean that, either. I mean, the guardian thing. I was just worried, I mean, fuck, you were just a kid, Lute. I was responsible for you. You shouldn't have been down there."

Lute didn't reply at first. "I only disobeyed you because you started being with other chicks," she said. "I thought... I wanted to prove myself. To you. To Heaven. To myself, maybe... I thought... I hoped...that you'd be proud of me. That you would see me as good enough."

"I am proud of you," he said. "You've always impressed me. And you've always been good enough."

He realized he'd been holding his breath, and let it out in a long sigh. He'd done everything wrong from the beginning. That Lute still wanted to have anything to do with him was a miracle... Or maybe it was the other way around - maybe she wanted to be with him precisely because he'd ruined her so much that she didn't know any better? He should let her go, set her free...

But he couldn't, wouldn't let go of her.

"I wasn't a very good guardian for you..." he said. That was the understatement of the century, obviously. 

Lute didn't refute him.

"But... uh... about what happened that first time..." he continued. "Uh... I mean... I was..." He drew his breath. "Do you think it's affected you and shit?"

She shrugged. "I don't know," she said in a toneless voice. "The fuck am I supposed to answer that?"

Something dawned on him. Something big and bad that he wanted to push away, but he couldn't. "Lute?" he asked, nervously. He didn't want to know the answer, but he needed to get to the bottom of this. "Have you ever said no to me?"

She shrugged again. "No. I don't know. I don't think so."

"Fuuuuuck..." he exclaimed. "Why not?"

She drew her breath in and let it out a couple of times before answering. "I guess I... I didn't want you to go elsewhere," she said. "And I thought if I said no, maybe you wouldn't come back..."

He drew his breath. "That's so fucked up," he said. It was. Still, it was better than the alternative: that she'd been afraid of him. Maybe she had been, maybe she still was, and he should probably ask her, but he really didn't want to know. "You do realize that's extremely fucked up, right?!" He covered his eyes and forehead with his hand. "Damn, I wish none of this would've happened." 

"You wish you'd never gotten with me?" Lute's breath shuddered, and she seemed to curl up on herself a little more.

"No," he insisted. "I mean, you probably would've been better off without me, but... damn, no, I wouldn't want to be without this. Without you. I just... wish I'd done everything differently. Better..."

She grabbed a hold of his arms desperately. "You're wrong," she insisted. "I wouldn't have been here if I hadn't had you all these years. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I'm not going anywhere," he assured. He hesitated for a second or two, then he said: "If you don't want to talk to me about it, I think you should talk to someone else. I know several of your sisters will understand. I'm sure they can help you."

"I miss Glory" she said.

"I miss her, too. She didn't deserve this..." He sighed. "We'll avenge her. We'll go down as usual, put your haughty sister and that fucking traitor in their place, and then, we'll have the bloodiest extermination in the memory of sinners. Show them what they get for fucking with angels! It's the least we can do. They've got some fucking audacity, huh?! I mean, did you fucking hear them?! Did you see that fucking snake guy?! I fucking hate snakes!" Adam declared. His voice turned softer. "Then we'll go to Limbo, just you and I." 

Lute tensed at the mention of Limbo. It should be something to look forward to, taking him to see their daughter... but she still hadn't told him about Eve. She should tell him now, the sooner the better... But she just couldn't bring herself to it, and like so many times before she chickened out. Tomorrow, she told herself. Or the day after... This day had already been more than dramatic enough, they both needed a little respite before bringing in more drama. She had no idea how he'd react, and she needed to build up some strength first.

Content with her decision, she focused on enjoying the here and now, lying snuggled up close with him. "I like this so much," she said.

"What? Talking about stuff?"

"When you hold me like this."

"I like it, too."

He did. He could stay like this forever. Then and there he made a decision, fucked up or not; if he couldn't stay away from her, and she didn't want him to anyway... he wouldn't fight this any longer.

"I love you, Lute," he said softly. "You know that?" 

She shook her head, didn't say anything, but snuggled closer to him.

He hated for her to feel that way. 

"I do," he assured her. "Don't you ever doubt that."

Now that he'd made a decision, he felt so much lighter. Everything was clearer. It was true, he was sure of that. And he would prove it to her. It might take some time, but now he was sure of it, he would prove it. And he had all the time in the universe. No other chicks, just him and Lute. And right now, he couldn't understand why he'd ever wanted anyone else in the first place.

And this wasn't even about sex. He was perfectly content just lying close to her like this.

... But hey, sex would be a pretty fucking awesome way to end this weird-ass fucking day... 

He leaned his head close to her ear. "So, you wanna go back to the court room now?"

She replied with a well-aimed elbow in his solar plexus.

"Ou-houch, bitch! The Hell was that for?!"

She turned her head towards him, laughing playfully. She was breathtaking, and seeing her smile like that, so freely, made him almost dizzy. 

Of all the ways he loved her, he loved relaxed Lute best. Playful Lute. Unguarded Lute. His Lute. He smiled. "So... is that a yes?"

 "Maybe?" She smirked. 

"Maybe?!" he chuckled. He knew just how to get her to do his bidding. But he wasn't going to do that. As long as she was here with him, it was more than enough.