Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first thing Fionna notices is the soft grass she’s lying on. The second thing is a strong sugary smell, like early morning visits - or really late night visits if she’s being honest - to BB’s when Gary’s setting up shop. The third thing is the blue butterfly resting on her nose.

Fionna yawns and sits up. Slightly dazed, she watches the butterfly fly off towards a tree with cotton candy leaves and maple syrup moss.

“Where …” Fionna mumbles, rubbing her eyes.

In front of her is a very buff, human-sized cupcake woman dancing with a human-sized chocolate covered strawberry man. The cupcake twirls the strawberry, catches him in a dip, then passionately kisses him. The little fairy men flying above them throw flowers

Behind the couple is a candy tree. A cloaked man with antlers coming out of his head jumps out of it and shoots a dragon above him. The dragon dodges then wraps itself around a mountain like a scarf before flying off, leaving a pink, sparkly slime trail behind. The mountain turns out to be a cyclops because it opens a huge bulging eye. They touch the slime and make a face.

Oh God, which universe are they in right now? She tries to remember what she was doing before she woke up. It feels like her head is stuffed with cotton candy.

To her side there’s a purple, floating, lumpy man laughing and throwing nuts around. Behind him is a trail of squirrels stuffing the peanuts in their cheeks.

“Hey girl!”

There's only one person Fionna knows with that much vocal fry.

“Ellis P?” she asks, standing up to get a closer look.

“Look at me!” Ellis P says, spinning around as if showing off a new fancy dress. Up close she can see that he still has a wispy mustache. There’s a golden star embedded on his forehead that matches the star he had on his hat. “I’m even more beautiful now!” He dumps the rest of the nuts on his head. “Chase me Stanley!” He says before laughing and running off. The squirrels, one of them presumably Stanley, chase after him.

Well, that could only mean one thing. She was back in her own world! Only this time it was magical. Oh, Cake will be so excited!

“Wait …” Fionna looks around, “Where’s Cake?” For a moment, she panics. The events from just before suddenly come back to her: Simon, the tapes, the crown, BMO, Jerry, her fight with Cake. What if Cake’s still mad? Fionna’s not in the same outfit she had on before. What if Cake also changed? What if she won’t recognize Cake? What if -

“Fionna?”

Fionna whips around.

“Cake!” She shouts and runs towards her best friend.

“Fionna!” Cake thrills. The air is knocked out of her as Cake stretches the distance between them and tackles her into a tight hug.

“It worked.” Cake says, voice thick with relief.

Fionna says, “Simon did it.” She almost doesn’t believe it. After all those worlds, she started to get nervous that everything involving the crown would end in tragedy. But, looking up at the fun cube shaped clouds, she supposes he’s doing just fine.

“Let’s go to our house.” Fionna says. Those adventures were fun and all, but she started to feel homesick towards the end. Also tired and sweaty.

“Yeah,” Cake agrees, “we can throw a house party.”

Fionna kind of just wants to nap right now, but Cake looks so excited. So, Fionna just smiles and nods. Cake lets go and stretches into a lopsided horse.

“Yah!” Fionna whoops and hops on the fake saddle. Despite looking like a horse, Fionna can hear and feel Cake’s purring. With a gentle kick to the side, Cake takes off towards.

Their city is certainly … different. From a distance, it looks really cool. It's much more colorful, with giant protruding ice spikes and trees. But up close, the ice and tree’s canopy casts about half the city in a cold shadow. The buildings on top of the trees sway just a little too much for comfort in the wind. Not to mention the gum piled on the ground and roofs like snow that Cake tries to avoid.

A few blocks in and Cake accidentally steps on a small wad of gum, causing her to accidentally launch Fionna off her back and onto the ground. Fionna groans in pain at the mild road rash. Why couldn't the asphalt get magically replaced with something softer? She forces herself to smile and get up. You can't really call yourself a true adventurer if you can't handle a few scrapes and bruises.

“Sorry!” Cake says as Fionna helps her pull her leg out of the sticky gum. Once freed, Cake starts to groom the gum out of her hoof-paw. Fionna people-watches the candy people passing them.

“I feel snacky.” Cake says between licks. “People eat cakes at parties right?”

“Let’s get one from BB’s.” Fionna says.

BB’s is thankfully only a short walk away and in the warm sunny part of town. She thought it would look more … regal? Put together? Maybe more gingerbread house and less bakery with candy smeared all over it. The shop’s sign says closed and the lights are off, but Fionna swears she can hear someone moving inside. Gary gets upset when Fionna quotes on quote 'brakes in' when it is closed. But that’s because he’s stressed BB will catch her and get pissed at him. She knows he also ‘breaks in’ to work on his Pastry Menschen after hours.

While Fionna thought, Cake went ahead of her and opened the doors.

Cake rushes towards the cake display in the front. Fionna enters and immediately steps in something. It crunches and squishes beneath her foot. She peels her foot off the ground. Stuck to the bottom of her shoe is a half chewed gumball. She tries to scrape it off using the door’s threshold with partial success.

“Gary?” Fionna calls out, “Are you here?”

Fionna remembered Simon said his name was Prince Gumball. Does Gary still go by Gary?

“Or umm … Prince Gumball?” Fionna says. She walks over towards the counter. The floor is covered in a thin film of something sticky. Combined with the gum stuck to her shoe, every step she takes makes a squelching sound.

“We’re throwing a party.” Fionna says, looking over the counter. Fionna starts to ring the bell.

Gary’s probably in the back opening up. Hopefully not freaking out about the whole sudden magically turning into sentient gum. Ellis P. seemed to take turning into … whatever he is now pretty well. Come to think of it, she recognized the strawberry and cupcake as Gary’s Pastry Menschen characters. So he might just be in a bit of shock that his Pastry Menschen turned alive. But he made multiple Ms. Cupcake and Mr. Strawberries, so are there now multiple clones of those two? Or was it something like all the cupcakes fused with all the other cupcakes to form one big sentient cupcake woman? Or did people turn into his Pastry Menschen characters?

The sound of the back door cracking open snaps Fionna out of her thoughts.

A massive pink blob stumbles out. It slithers across the floor before hefting itself up onto the counter.

“Fionna …” it wheezes, “where were you?” Its gum lips don’t fully separate, causing its words to slur together.

“Gary?” Fionna asks.

“You just disappeared.” On the ‘p’ sound, one of the thin gum films around his mouth pops. His mouth, which never seems to fully close, opens a little wider.

Fionna sees Cake’s ears pin back in the corner of her eye.

“Haha … yeah, sorry about that …” He leans forward.

Fionna and Cake take a step back.

Okay! This is OK. Sure, Gary doesn’t look like what she saw in Prismo’s room. But he’s made out of gum! Maybe they just need to mold him back into something more … humanoid.

“You should try my new pastry.” Gary mumbles. He slides back off the counter and lands on the ground with a wet thud, leaving a think film of gum on the counter top. He slithers over to the back door.

“Come on in …”

Fionna looks at Cake. Her eyes are fully dilated. It reminds her of the time a repair man came in when their heating broke. She hid under the bed the entire time he was there. This time though, Cake grabs her hand and heads over to the back door with confidence Fionna knows Cake’s not feeling.

Gary opens the door for them. A waft of cold air hits them. Fionna flips on the light switch.

A cinnamon roll hangs from a hook. Parts of it - her? - are unraveled, revealing half baked dough. After some effort on its part, its eyes open and blink away dried frosting. The cinnamon roll stares through them for a split second before the daze disappears from her eyes. She starts to shake and the hook embedded in her starts to tear up her doughy body.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Cake jumps into her arms, her fur completely poofed out. Fionna backs out of the room. Gary blocks her path through the counters.

“Umm, haha, uhh… on second thought Gary, we’re good.”

“Are you sure?” He moves closer. She can see pastry flakes and other pieces of candy lodged in his body. Something squirms and a little candy corn mouse crawls out.

“Opps.” He says, then - with a surprising speed - he grabs it. He holds it above his head. It squeals and thrashes around. “Mice shouldn’t be in the bakery.” he says before opening his mouth and dropping it in.

Fionna takes this time to jump over the counter and run towards the door. But a fine layer of candy and sugar dust means she gets glued to the counter before she can slide off the counter.

Any charm a world made out of candy is officially lost to Fionna now.

Gary grabs her backpack. Cake uses her claws to cut the backpack straps off then hops onto the ground. Cake grabs her hands and helps pull her off the counter. They book it towards the exit.

“Wait! You haven’t tr-” He says before they slam the door shut.

Cake stretches out her arms to break off the top of the candy cane lamp in front of them and uses it to block the door. Fionna looks through the bakery’s window and sees Gary just staring at her. Her and Cake quickly rush away from the window and into the shady nearby alley to hide.

Fionna leans her head against the brick wall. Next to her Cake starts grooming the candy out of her paws. Fionna closes her eyes and reaches down to softly pet Cake’s head. She decides to just focus on the sound of Cake cleaning herself and the feel of her fur. However, she can't shake the feeling of being watched.

She looks around the alley for Gary - or anyone - but finds nothing.

Something brushes the side of her neck.

Fionna instinctively slaps her neck and turns towards whatever it is.

“Relax, Fi.” Suddenly Marshall Lee appears in front of them. His skin’s gray like all the color got drained out. His guitar is strapped to his back. “It’s just me.”

Cake hisses and runs out of the alley. Fionna, hand still guarding her neck, is frozen.

“Marshall Lee?” Fionna hears herself say.

“Your heart’s beating like crazy.” He takes a step forward. “Is it the teeth? I swear it’s just red jam from Gary’s pastries. You should go in and try them.” He reaches his clawed-hand out towards her.

Cake stretches her arm out and slaps him. She then grabs Fionna and pulls her out of the alley and into the sunny street. Marshall Lee’s bones pop and snap as black fur sprouts from his skin and wings emerge from his back as he turns into a giant bat. He launches towards them. But the moment the sunlight hits him, he breaks out in blisters and is set on fire. He hisses and retreats into the alley.

He stares at them for a while before looking behind them to some of the passing candy people. Then he smiles up at the city's tree canopy and turns invisible.

Fionna and Cake book it towards their apartment. The further they run, the more they can see the city’s changes. Several buildings are either burning or burnt to the ground, ice spikes protrude from the ground encasing everything in it, and sinkholes lined with teeth and gum block most of the road. Fortunately though, the city’s layout didn’t change and Fionna spots her apartment.

Unfortunately, Marshall Lee trails behind them, licking candy people before lifting them up and using them like tape to manipulate the shady canopy so he can continue to hunt them.

“Our building!” Fionna practically cries. It looks completely normal. Like the regular old building she’s lived in the past six years.

They run through the entrance and cut straight to the stairs. Cake grabs Fionna and stretches up the middle of the staircase until they reach the third floor. As soon as they reach their unit Cake slams the door shut. Please, please, please let the rule about vampires needing an invitation to enter a home stay true.

There's three knocks on the door.

“Fionna, please let me in.”

Marshall Lee knocks again. Cake jumps and dashes to hide under her bed.

“Come on Fionna, don't give me the cold shoulder.”

Shaking, Fionna walks towards the dingy, old wooden chair she has while the knocking escalates into pounding.

“Let me in!”

With a loud crack, Fionna breaks off one of the chair legs and the knocking comes to a stop. Pointing her makeshift stake at the door Fionna walks over. She looks out the peephole. She doesn’t see anyone, but that doesn’t mean they’re safe. So, Fionna stays next to the door, clutching a broken wooden chair leg ready to stake the friend-turned vampire that may or may not be outside her door.

Eventually Cake crawls out from the bed and towards Fionna. Cake sniffs a few times before quietly saying, “Okay, we’re safe now. I don't smell him.”

Fionna does a quick scan of her apartment. Dirty clothes, dishes, take out containers, and food are spread out. Looks like the completely non-magical, non-fantastical home she remembers. Fionna drops the makeshift stake, sinks to the floor, and presses her hands to her face.

“Okay, we’re safe now.” Cake says. She sits next to Fionna for a moment and purrs until Fionna calms down enough to stand up.

“I’ll put in a video game. You go make us margaritas” Cake gently says, walking towards the TV. “I’ve always wanted to try one of those.”

Drinks don’t sound too bad to Fionna right now. Relaxing a bit more, Fionna opens the fridge to grab the tequila mix. A strong gust of cold wind hits her.

“Are you happy, Fionna?”

There was a man stuffed in her fridge. His limbs bent and contorted at odd angles. Shelves and freezer burnt food were crushed to his sides, pressing him in. Underneath the frost covering every inch of him, his skin looks gray, hard, and waxy. With a wet crack, he turned his head and smiled.

“All this for you.” Simon said.

Fionna’s stomach drops. Oh God. She tries with little success to take a few deep breaths. Simon really did end up cursed. Her lungs start to burn as she tries harder to get any air in. She knew she should have never given him the crown. Feeling increasingly dizzy, she shakes as the room starts to spin. She let her selfish desires because of a handful of fun dreams she had turned her world into a nightmare.

Her vision fades to black before she even hits the floor.

Chapter Text

The first thing Simon notices is the smooth hard floor his face is pressed against. Second thing is that his glasses are now slightly cracked and crooked. He raises his head and notices the third thing: a giant, blurry, red blob floating far away below him.

Simon sits up and adjusts his glasses, trying to make out what's below him before all too familiar whispers worm their way into his thoughts. The crown welcomes him back. Weeps about how it had missed him. How overjoyed it is that he’s alive again. How lonely it’s been since everyone left. How it will never let him die again. He readily accepts its promises of protection in a way he never did before. It was right after all. Its power had saved him countless times over the centuries. And now its magic is the only thing that can restore and save Fionna and Cake’s world.

“Ugg…” he groans, rubbing the back of his head. It feels like his head is stuffed full of snow. His hand briefly catches on something before he pulls it away. He inspects his hand. It still has some warm tones, but that's fading fast.

He looks around. Seems like he’s already back to large memory gaps because he has no idea where he is. Instead of “Jerry’s” home, he’s on a bright yellow tetromino orbiting a massive red thing in a void. Either that or he’s hallucinating. Strangely, he doesn’t see any spirit creatures. Maybe the Lich’s wish killed them here too.

Speaking of Jerry, he can hear the Lich’s mutters from the block below him. Curious, he leans over and watches him.

The Lich is kneeling on the ground with his head bowed. As if praying, he whispers, “Scared of the darkness that lay before your eyes and flapping your wings. You were an ax before this world.”

Selfishly, Simon’s glad they found the crown in the world they did. With only the Lich as company, there's no one alive he’d feel guilty about tormenting. No one to painfully tease his decaying mind about the past. No one who he feels a constant draw to. No one who either yells at him or starts crying whenever they see him.

It will be a boring eternity - with the Lich and Fionna’s phone as the only entertainment he has - but it will be a harmless eternity.

He wonders what Fionna and Cake are doing? Probably having a party. Hmm, with one of Gary’s - no Prince Gumball’s - cakes. He wonders about Gary’s Pastry Menschen. Would they be people or just food to eat? Probably both.

Suddenly the air is knocked out of his chest as someone kicks him to the ground. He strains his neck to look at the ding dong who dared to attack him.

The Scarab’s pretentious bug face looms over him as he digs his foot into his back. He waves his hand behind Simon’s head and mockingly says, “Ooo sparkles.”

The crown guides him through creating an ice lighting bolt. He shoots and misses the Scarab, only freezing his arm. He’s never been particularly fond of fighting, but the crown boosted adrenaline rush plus the joy of finally taking care of this pain in the ass has Simon uncontrollably giggling as he stands up.

“I’m a professional, and professionals don’t hold grudges, so I’ll let that slide.” The Scarab says, rotating his shoulder a bit before breaking out of the ice. “Just let me repo that unauthorized world and I’ll leave you alone.”

Ha! As if he’d allow that jerkwad to destroy Fionna and Cake’s world. Especially now that it’s back to how it should be. But, before he can respond, the Scarab is behind him. He can feel his gross buggy hands on the back of his head. He throws the Scarab off him. The Scarab lands on all four legs on another tetra-titrom-oh whatever, tetris shape block.

The Scarab then uses his crystal to blast an explosion. It lands square in his chest, causing him to fall off. Thankfully, his beard is just long enough to fly. The Ice King throws snowballs mixed with ice shards at the Scarab. One of them hits and cracks the shell just above his left eye.

“Alright then,” the Scarab says, pieces of the shell falling off, revealing a large yellow eye. “If you won’t let me in through that portal, I’ll just have to take it.” He clicks the crystal and it expands into a sword.

Ooo! Cool sword! It reminds him of something he’d see in ‘Bikini Assassin’ or ‘5 Knuckle Romance.’ Oh, what fridjitzu hand seals make swords?

Suddenly the crown creates an ice wall in front of him. The Scarab’s sword hits and shatters the wall.

That was close! He almost lost his head there! He needs to focus. He needs to be on his A game to give this jerk a beat down for threatening his besties! Oh he's so giddy! Fionna and Cake are real! And they're his besties!

Agh! Focus Ice King!

He sends another lighting bolt towards the Scarab. It freezes his feet to the ground. The Scarb aims his crystal do-hicky towards him, but doesn’t do anything. It looks like he was staring at something behind him. How rude! You’d expect a guy to pay attention to the guy he’s fighting. Ugh, men these days.

Ice King looks behind. He doesn’t know why he seemed almost scared. It was just some giant red thing.

Phft. What a coward.

Though, he supposed it does kinda look like a lady’s back from this angle … Oh man! Is there a chick here? Maybe this eternity won't be so lonely after all. But first he's gotta impress her with his killer fighting moves.

Ice King turns back around. Scarab’s escaped. Ice King looks around trying to spot the Scarab. Suddenly the crown is knocked off him.

He falls and barely manages to grab onto the ledge of one of the tetris pieces before he falls into oblivion. Thankfully, the crown landed close to Jerry instead of falling into the void.

The Scarab lands in front of him. He digs his foot into his left hand and grabs his right. The Scarab kneels down and pulls him up close, until their faces are only a few inches apart. Simon can see the glee in his exposed eye. The Scarab pushes the sword’s edge to the side of his neck. It’s just a hair off from his jugular. He pushes it in slightly, drawing blood.

“No escape now.” The Scarab says. Pulling back the sword before swinging towards his neck.

No. No. No. Simon made a promise to protect those girls' worlds. He finally found purpose again, after years of meaningless existence. He can’t die now. Simon braces his legs against the side of the tetromino then pushes with all his force.

The Scarab’s blade misses and Simon escapes his hold, taking Scarab’s left arm with him.

He lands on his side with a thud next to Jerry. He throws away the buggy arm then spots his crown. He scrambles towards it and puts it on.

A rush of cold, furious magic energy floods him. He turns towards the Scarab and freezes him and the whole yellow shape with him.

Boom, one Scarab defeated. Now for the rest of eternity.

He slumps to the ground, panting. Oh boy, he should hit the gym more. He catches his breath. Eventually, the throbbing pain in his left hand becomes unbearable. He looks at it. They’re nice and blue, but a little red compared to the rest of him. He tries to bend his fingers, but they only twitch.

Ouch!

Yep. Those are definitely broken.

What are you supposed to do when you break something? Rice something? No, wasn’t that supposed to be used for phones you dropped in the toilet? He searches his memories - wow there’s a lot missing - and grabs onto one. He’s with a little girl. They were running when she tripped and fell. Once they were safe, he had her lay down. He stuffed some snow into a bag and wrapped her ankle tightly with some old rags. Once he was done, he propped her foot up on a pillow and put the homemade ice pack on it. After that Mar-

He blinks several times. Shoot, he lost his train of thought. What was he trying to do?

Oh right, his broken hand.

He rips off part of the jacket he’s wearing - wow he needs to get some new threads, these are so lame - and wraps it around his left hand. Then he freezes it and raises it straight above his head.

Next to him, Jerry seems to get more and more upset about whatever he’s doing. Maybe yoga? It kind of looks like a weird child pose.

“Great embodiment of chaos, hear me!” Gunter yells, “For ages until, I studied your ways, devoting my existence to you. I strove to be your vassal on the physical plane. I built mountains of bodies in your honor. To extinguish all life. And in my universe, this I achieved.”

Jerry lowers his arms and head, defeated.

“But it gave me no satisfaction. I succeeded. I lost all purpose.”

Yesh, this guy has issues. But the Ice King would be lying if he said he didn’t feel for Gunter. He’s just about to try and support the poor dude before Jerry spits out,

“Why! Why must this be?”

Gunter slams his fists against the ground, cracking it on impact. Ice King scoots away from him.

“Hear me GLOB!” Gunter screams.

Glob? The Ice King’s head goes extra fuzzy. A memory tries to emerge. It hurts and it makes his heart ache. Not in the fun crushing on princesses heart ache. Well, a little of that. But mostly a soul crushing ache. The kind that leaves him paralyzed in his bed, barely able to do anything but breath and stare at the ceiling. He desperately leans into the soothing whispers of the crown, letting the cold numb overtake his heart and brain.

Mmm, his arm’s starting to get too numb.

“What more could I have done?” Gunter begged, “What do you want from me now?”

Gunter's eyes burn with green fire.

“Do I need to end life in all universes? If I kill the Ice Wizard and the universe he stores, will that finally please you?”

The big red lady turns around.

Gunter drops back down and clasps his hands.

“Scared of the darkness that la-” Gunter rushes out before his body is lifted into the air by some invisible force.

Gunter screams as his bones shake in place. A yellow energy shines through the cracks that start to form as his bones snap and bend. He curls inward in a desperate attempt to stay together before whatever is causing this becomes too much and he explodes. Bone debris orbits his skull - the only intact piece left of him - before slowly colliding against each other. The Ice King catches his expression before he becomes encased. It’s full of betrayal, hurt, dawning horror, and understanding. Gunter’s cries die out as his head is buried under his own remains. Ice King shakes in place as he watches the became of Gunter float away joining the rest of the random shapes in the void.

Alrighty, so he needs to make sure to stay on her good side then. He glances over to look at the red lady.

Wowza! Talk about Hubba Hubba. She must be one of the most - no definitely the most - beautiful women ever. Curves in all the right places, a stunning red color, and intelligent eyes that speak of a woman who can debate circles around him.

His heart skips a beat when her eyes shift from Gunter over towards him.

He should say something clever and romantic. What would JZ Dog Zone say? He can’t remember.

“Umm … I’m not raising my hand to get tetris'd like Gunter.” He blurts out.

Just to be safe he lowers his arm. The sudden rush of blood through his very numb arm is deeply uncomfortable.

She doesn't respond.

“But I mean, if you’d want to do that to me, I’d be honored.” He nervously laughs.

She doesn't respond.

“Ummm…” He tries to fill the silence.

She’s seriously starting to freak him out! It doesn’t help that there’s this overwhelming feeling that he should know her. But that feeling is full of pain and desperation. He tries to push it down. He tries to drown it out with the soothing cold words of the crown, but it’s too hard to hear over the deafening hurt she makes him feel.

He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks around at anything that isn't her. Where does he know her from? He really only knows one giant woman, but she's an island. The static pounding in his head that started to go down flares back up.

Distantly, he realizes he’s fiddling around with a phone in his pocket. Haha, jackpot!

“I got a new phone, do you mind entering your contact?”

Before he can take the phone out, muscle spasms overwhelm his body. Red hot pain engulfs him. His legs quickly give out and he falls to the floor. Convulsing and gasping for air, he looks at the lady.

He sees a flash of light before his vision fades to black.

Chapter Text

“Fionna!”

Cake shakes her friend’s shoulder. Fionna is lying face down in the ice skating rink with a thin layer of snow forming on top of her. If she doesn’t wake up soon, Cake worries she’ll probably get sick.

“Fionna! Wake up!”

Cake shakes her again. Fionna finally opens her eyes, groans, and sits up. Cake spots a few scrapes and bruises on her face.

“You alright?”

Fionna looks around.

“It’s …” Fionna says with a small and shaky voice, “normal.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Cake crosses her arms. They were back in the city’s skating rink. Regular, plain, boring ass regular humans skated around them. Cake glares at the dull building across from the rink.

“I had the worst dream.” Fionna hugs herself and stares down at the ice. “When Simon put on the crown, it all went wrong. Gary became a scary gum glob and Marshall Lee was a -”

“- hideous monster that burst into flames!” They both say.

“Haha, jynx!” Cake laughs.

“Yeah … did you see -”

“Simon in the freezer?” They both say again.

“Double jynx!”

“What if it was an omen?” Fionna asks.

“Pfht. It was just a nightmare.” Cake reassures her. Girl needs to calm down. “I can’t wait for this dump to change!”

Cake is too used to magical worlds where she could finally be herself. She can’t let that just go back to being a pleasant dream.

Two skaters stop near them.

“Look at that! It even has a lip sink.” Annoying skater number one says.

“Can I help you?” Cake snaps.

“We didn’t know this rink had a mascot.” Annoying skater number two says.

Oh, she’ll show them a mascot! Cake shape shifts into one of those big head mascots she'd occasionally see on TV ads. It required a bit more effort than normal, but Cake ignores that in favor of turning her arm into a hockey stick and batting the two skaters away. They scream their little heads off and quickly skate away from her.

Cake laughs so hard her stomach aches. She changes back to being a model and grabs Fionna’s hand before Fionna slips on the ice trying to stand up.

“Oof. My butt is an icicle.”

“Let’s get outta here.” Cake says then starts moving towards the exit.

Fionna moves to follow her, but slips and falls on the ice. Cake is helping Fionna get back up when one of the rink’s employees skates up to them.

“Hey! Get off the ice! No skates, no entry!” He pauses, then looks at Cake, “What mascot are you supposed to be?”

Cake suppressed the growl in her throat and grumbled, “Yeah, yeah, we’re going.”

Cake stretches a pair of skates for herself then pulls Fionna out of the rink. Cake looks back at the employee, pulls on her eyelid, and blows a raspberry at him. Looking slightly disturbed, he blinks then rubs his eyes.

“This place is gonna be magic soon, I can feel it.” Cake tells Fionna.

Fionna hums in agreement. But it's with a similar tone she uses when Marshall Lee rants at her about his mom and Fionna’s mentally checked out.

Cake looks around for proof. It’s snowing. That could be from the crown’s magic, but it’s also winter and they’ve always gotten heavy snow. The trees look the same. Besides the occasional odd looks they get, people look the same. The buildings are still basically the same, but man some people have really bizarre design choices. Fionna kept Cake in the apartment for most of her life, so Cake doesn’t really have the best sense for architecture. However, some buildings have a bizarre mix of materials and the windows almost look like they’re melting.

“There!” Cake yells.

She points to a squirrel on top of a newsrack. It’s reading an article about Queenie’s new attempt to break into the food industry and the articles about that woman who has been missing since forever.

“That squirrel is reading. Magic”

As soon as Cake finished, the squirrel shoves the paper into its mouth.

“False alarm” Cake sighs.

The squirrel runs off, weaving underneathing people walking around. It almost makes a couple eating ice cream drop their cones.

“Marshall Lee and Gary?” Fionna asks.

Fionna looks confused for a second before bursting out into a wide grin. Cake follows her as she runs up to the couple.

“Fionna?” Gary gasps.

“What - what - what is this” Fionna says, kneeling to the ground and pointing at them holding hands.

“Fionna, where did those injuries come from? No - wait - where have you been? You just disappeared.” Gary asks.

“Okay, this is gonna blow your minds, but our world is inside this guy Simon’s head and everything we know is about to turn crazy magical!” Fionna says. She stands with her arms out wide for a second. “Any second now.” She slightly lowers her arms.

Marshall Lee and Gary exchange looks. Before Marshall Lee says, “Fionna, I know Cake going missing has been really hard on y-”

“Cakes not missing!” Fionna interrupts, “She’s right here.” Fionna pulls Cake into a half hug.

Gary frowns. “Fionna,” he says, “Cake’s a house cat not a …” Gary scrunches his eyebrows and studies her. “Are you like - the skating rink mascot?”

“Nope!” Cake says with a forced grin - really, what is up with people assuming she’s a mascot? “I’m Cake the cat. This world used to be magical until Simon went from cool ice wizard to sad old man. I’m back to my original form and pretty soon you will be too.”

Cake tries to stretch a watch on her wrist to emphasize the point, but she can’t get the small details. Ironically, it looks like someone’s wearing a comically large watch under a suit.

Gary lets go of Marshall Lee’s hand and places it on Fionna’s shoulder. He pulls her to the side.

“Fionna, when was the last time you slept?” he whispers.

“Listen, I know it sounds crazy, but we’re really telling the truth.” Fionna says. “Common Cake, show-em”

Cake tries to stretch into a version of Marshall Lee, but nothing happens. She closes her eyes and tries again. All that comes from that are some grunts. Cake turns around and grits her teeth. She imagines her hands turning into something fun, like a tiny Kiju or something. For a second, it looks like her hand is going to be teleported to another universe. Instead, it just turns into a regular cat paw.

Cake’s heart sinks.

No. No. No.

This can’t be happening. She can’t go back to being stuck in that body. She didn’t realize how much she despised her old one until Prismo made her ‘on model.’ It wasn’t just not having stretchy powers. It was almost everything about it. Walking on all fours. How most people weren’t able to read her body language correctly, let alone understand her speaking. The way her skin was both suffocatingly too tight and too loose. It trapped her in a body that should have never been her’s.

Fionna places a hand on Cake’s shoulder. Cake jumps and hides her paw. Fionna gives her a questioning look.

“Maybe we should go inside?” Marshall Lee whispers to Gary, “I’ve heard of hypothermia making people go mad.”

“You’re thinking of paradoxical undressing. But that’s only when people strip in the cold.” Gary says.

“Well, she isn’t wearing a shirt.”

“Hmmm, but she is wearing a jacket and hat.”

“Yeah Fionna, did you go thrifting or something?” Marshall Lee asks. “Cool threads, but that jacket looks like you looted it from a hobo.”

“I kind of did?” Fionna says with a nervous shrug. “It’s from this guy named Martin. He was from this freaky apocalypse world where you two were …” Fionna goes quiet for a second before whispering, “trying to kill each other?”

Mashal and Gary share horrified looks.

“Fionna,” Marshall Lee gently says, “I know you’ve shot it down before, but maybe you should reconsider thera-”

“Fionna and I aren’t lying!” Cake hisses.

Cake points at Gary, “You are supposed to be this candy kingdom prince made out of gum and you -” she points to Marshall Lee, “are supposed to be a cool, vampire, king musician or something.” She grabs Fionna, “We’re supposed to be an adventuring duo. She’s a kickass fighter and I’m a magic cat!”

Marshall Lee and Gary exchange looks again. The group stays silent for a minute before Gary speaks up.

“I had a nightmare that I was a gum creature.” He looks down and makes a face, “I ate a mouse.”

“I dreamt that I was a vampire. I caught on fire every time I was in the sun.”

“See!” Cake says, “We’re not lying!”

“I had a weird dream too.” Ellis P says, popping out from one of the street bushes.

Gary ignored Ellis P, “The world’s going to be like that?”

Fionna coughed into her sleeve and shifted uncomfortably. “I mean, probably not?”

“Is no one going to ask me what my dream was?” Ellis P whines.

Marshall Lee sighs then says, “What did you dream about?”

“I was somehow even more beautiful than I am now~” Cake swears she can almost see sparkles around Ellis P as he speaks.

“Simon probably just needs an adjustment period. It took me a while to get used to talking and stretching.” Cake says.

She looks up at the sky. It’s almost completely forecast. Their world was supposed to be how it should have alway been! So why is she losing her mojo? She finally just found herself. She doesn’t want to lose that.

“Simon,” She hisses, “What’s the hold up?”

“Maybe Simon changed his mind?” Fionna says and if Cake didn’t know any better, she almost sounds relieved.

“Simon wouldn’t do that.” Cake argues, “I can’t go back to everyone viewing me as just a regular house cat!”

“Yes!” Ellis P agrees, “You need to be a free outdoor kitty!”

“No! Not that either.” Cake’s tail starts swishing. “I’m supposed to be magic. I should be able to stretch and talk. You guys can finally understand me and I can finally understand you! And soon enough there will be people like me here too! Do you know how suffocating it is to be in a body that you didn’t know you hated? I can’t go back to that. I can’t live like that. It’s miserable. This whole world is miserable.”

“Wo wo wo, Cake.” Fionna says, “I’m not going to force you back to just being my pet.”

Cake looks at Fionna. Her eyes are full of bemused assurance. It’s the same expression she gives Cake when coaxing her out under the bed after those horrible repair men visit. Cake shows Fionna her paw.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘Oh.’” Cake lowers her ears.

“I barely remember anything from that dream beyond vague impressions. If everything is going to change, will we still be together?” Marshall Lee asks Fionna.

“... Honestly,” Fionna says, rubbing the back of her neck, “I don’t know if you’ll even remember each other or if anyone will remember this version of our world.”

“But I don’t want to forget anything. Marshall Lee and I just met.” Gary says. Marshall Lee wraps an arm around him and says “Yeah.”

“Oh, I knew it shouldn’t be up to us to decide.” Fionna whines to Cake.

“Pbht!”

Cake looks away. They’re all freaking out over nothing. It was just a nightmare. New things are always scary. She’s sure given time, they’ll all get used to magic.

“Maybe we can make requests.” Marshall Lee says.

“Yeah - like - if Simon knows Marshall Lee and I are supposed to be together, it could work out?” Gary says, grabbing Marshall Lee’s hand. “And I’d still date you if you were a vampire.”

Marshall Lee blushes.

“It’s with a shot. Simon can do anything.” Fionna says.

Ellis P claps his hands together and lifts them to the sky. “Oh mighty Simon! Let me be even more beautiful!” He yells then points at Marshall Lee and Gary, “And let these two lovers stay together!”

Fionna and Cake can’t help up laugh.

“Just call him.” Cake says between snorts.

“Huh?” Fionna asks.

“I gave him my phone.” Cake shrugs, “You know, to play ‘Worm’ when he was all alone.”

“That’s my phone.” Fionna glares at Cake. She reaches into Gary’s pocket and pulls out his phone. “Can I borrow this?” She asks.

Gary nods and Fionna starts typing. After a second Gary says, “Oh, wait, the passcode is-”

“Shh, I know.” Fionna interrupts him then presses the call button. They all wait a minute before they hear the phone’s auto generated:

“I’m sorry; the number you have reached is not in service, or temporarily disconnected.”

“Do you have the right number?” Marshall Lee asks.

“Yes … maybe it’s because our universe isn’t connected to the multiverse?” Fionna says.

“What? Why isn’t our universe connected to the multiverse?” Gary asks.

“Remember when we said ours was in Simon’s head?” Cake asks, “Well, turns out this dude Prismo who makes universes, illegally created our universe. So our universe isn’t attached to the rest.”

“Sick.” Marshall Lee laughs.

“Is there another way you can reach him? Does prayer work?” Gary asks.

“Nah, we probably just need to get a better connection.” Fionna says, “We just gotta find a portal.”

Chapter Text

The Scarab’s senses slowly come back to him as the ice encasing him thaws. He jerks his body around, breaking off large chunks of ice. His crystal and left arm are missing, he has substantial damage around his left eye, and Petrikov is passed out. He scans the ice for the crystal. It’s buried in about a foot of ice. He uses his right hand and feet to chip away at the ice until he finally has it back.

The Scarab yelps when he notices Glob awake. His textbooks always depicted what he thought looked like a giant red baby. But now, Glob looks like an adult. Fascinating. He’s heard they merged with a human, but it’s another thing to see it.

Glob is staring at Petrikov. He’s laying on the ground with the crown and the Scarab’s arm off to the side. Petrikov’s hair is gradually regaining its color and shrinking back.

He got the Boss to pull rank on Orbo to allow him to fix Prismo’s mess before it wreaks more havoc on the multiverse. Orbo gave him one more day to pursue his “monomania.” So, he needs to get this job done quickly.

The Scarab considers his options.

He could try to decapitate Petrikov again. It would be the quickest and Petrikov certainly deserves it for how brazenly he’s endangered the multiverse's order. However, Glob is carefully watching Petrikov and - if he’s not mistaken - the human who merged with Glob is Grof, Petrikov’s fiancée. She almost caused a time paradox by traveling back to stop Petrikov from getting the crown and Ooo’s mushroom war. Combined with the fact she’s merged with the embodiment of chaos and disorder, he’s certain she wouldn’t hesitate to destroy him to protect Petrikov.

If he can’t extract that universe whole, he’ll just have to rip it out piece by piece.

Based on the universe’s size and his crystal’s throughput, he should have enough time to do that. Hopefully, the crossovers are back in their universe and he can take care of them when he repos their universe. If not, he’ll need to travel back to the dead world and quickly end them there. He prays he won’t need to start another multiverse wide man-hunt for them again. He enjoyed their game of cat and mouse, but he can’t afford too many distractions.

He jumps down to the tetromino Petrikovs on and grabs his left arm. He carefully watches Glob as he reattaches it. Glob pays no attention to him at all. They just stare intensely at an unconscious Petrikov, who almost looks completely human again.

“Stay out of this.” He warns Glob before making a run for it and jumping into the old man’s head.

The Scarab emerges from an ice box. He looks around and tsks at the shoddy workmanship for this universe. He spots multiple repeated character designs. Doors are randomly slapped onto buildings with almost no thought or care if someone could enter. Buildings are missing walls. There are floating tree branches. Even the snowflakes falling were overly simplistic and repetitive.

Honestly, the Scarab doesn’t know why Prismo was allowed to become a wish master. Sure, Prismo’s great at networking, but his work ethic is mediocre at best and reckless at worst. The Scarab’s known for eons that Prismo would eventually cause some sort of disaster. Now, his little creations have run amok and infected multiple different universes. Universal traveling is carefully restricted for a reason! If done improperly, it runs the risk of destroying realities and destabilizing everything. Their duration in each world was short, so the damage was minimal. However, they still managed to mutate several objects and irreversibly alter the trajectory of multiple universes. Not to mention the fact that Prismo skipped all the steps to check and authorize an individual before storing a universe in them. Only a select few people are qualified to store universes and even less indefinitely like Prismo seemed to plan. But nooo, Prismo’s “cool” and throws really fun parties, so the worst Prismo ever really gets is a slap on the wrist.

Someone taps the Scarab's shoulder. He turns around and glares at the pair of humans who interrupted his seething.

“Oh, ummm … We were just wondering if there was some sort of mascot convention going on?” one of them says.

“Yes.” he lies, “Why do you ask?”

“We saw a cat mascot in the rink earlier,” the other one says, “It’s not everyday you see mascots so well designed.”

Hmm, so the human and her cat are back in this universe. That simplifies things.

“You know, we’re something of a mascot enthusiast ourselves.” The first one says, gesturing to both of them. She reaches out to touch his shoulder again, saying, “What type of materia-”

The scarab tightly grabs her wrist and asks, “Is the cat mascot still in the skating rink?”

She looks disappointed. “No, I saw them leave for the park.”

“Thank you.” The Scarab says before pulling out his crystal and repossessing the two along with the ice box.

The people passing by gasp and look on in horror before their eyes glaze over.

One of the most satisfying parts of repoing the Scarab found, was just how things simply ceased to exist. When you look at an area that's been repoed, there’s just nothing. The spot doesn’t vanish or become see through. It just becomes nothing. It’s like if you were asked to read a book, but someone ripped out the pages and burned them. Most creatures' brains simply ignore the area and their brain fills in the gap.

The Scarab can’t wait until Prismo’s entire little fanfic gets taken down, its existence erased into nothing but a successful mission report. He searches the area for Prismo’s precious little favorite characters, reposing everything in his path. He removes a mail office, bus stop, ice rink, and several streets before he hears the crossovers’ in the park. He sneaks his way towards them, trying to stay out of sight so he can figure out what they’re planning.

“Blue sparkles. Blue sparkles.” Fionna mutters while her, Cake, and a possy other others look around the park.

“There!” Cake yells and points at a nearby vendor selling ice cream to some children. To the side, a gardener is pulling out some weeds.

“Two scoops in five cones?” The vendor asks. The two children in front of her eagerly nod. “I’ll see what I can do.” She opens the cart’s lid and interdimensional magic shines from the inside.

“Portal.” Fionna says. They run towards the vendor.

From what the Scarabs learned the past few days, their whole little trip to find the crown was to make their world magical. Considering the state of their world, they must want to check up on Petrikov or escape their miserable little world.

The Scarab rips the cart, vendor, children, and nearby plants out of existence. The gardener almost falls into the void, but grabs the edge.

“¡Ay!” He exclaims.

“Hunter!” Fionna cries. The crossover’s little group runs over.

“So is this part of the magic fun?” One of the men asks.

“No.” Cake says, helping the man up. “This isn’t.”

The Scarab steps into their view and says, “Crossovers.”

“Crud.” Fionna says and pulls the phone she’s holding near her chest. Apologetically, she says “Hey man, we’re back in our world now so it's all good, right?”

The Scarab chuckles.

“‘It’s all good?’ ‘It’s ALL GOOD!’ HA! Your world is a mockery of what a proper universe should be. Its very existence is an affront to the rules that protect the architecture of the multiverse. It’s an embarrassing joke that needs to be wiped out.”

He aims to rip her out, but the cat pulls her out the other way before their whole little group starts to run.

Like their earlier little song and dance across the multiverse, the Scarab chases after them.

Fionna fumbles with the phone she has in her hand, trying to call someone, before cursing.

“Shit! No service again.”

Suddenly, the snow storm picks up and a surge of magic awashes the world. The crossover’s accomplices transform into a gum blob, a vampire, forest humanoid, and a lumpy space person. A massive ice spike shots up underneath him, raising him high in the sky.

He spots Fionna trying to phone Petrikov. He launches down and dropkicks her in the back. He pins her down with his leg and aims his crystal at her.

“Good riddance.” He says before the gum monster tackles him.

His crystal misfires and destroys a fountain of Glob/Grof. The gum glues him to the ground and he writhes against it.

Just as he’s about to free himself, he feels a presence to his side. The vampire must have turned invisible because the Scarab can see a faint layer of snow starting to form in the middle of the air.

He grabs the vampire’s wrist before he can grab his crystal. With a snap, he breaks his wrist and throws him towards a void. Cake creates a lasso out of her arm and grabs the vampire before he falls in.

“Marshall Lee!” The gum cries and lets him go.

It slides across the grass, leaving a trail of gum behind.

“Are you okay?”

The vampire hisses in pain.

“I still love you, even if you’re a vampire.” The gum says, cupping his face.

The vampire laughs, “You’re too sweet.”

If they weren't Prismo’s piss poor illegal characters, the Scarab's heart might have been touched at the cute scene. He might have decided to spare them. But they are and the Scarab fires a repo blast at them.

Cake grabs them and runs off before he gets a proper hit.

Behind him, he hears the faint sound of a bow pulling back. He quickly steps out of the way and grabs the arrow before it can land a hit on him. Hidden in the bushes the hunter wizard loads another bow. The Scarab throws the arrow he caught towards the wizard who collapses to the ground in pain as the arrow lodges into his side.

“Hunter!” Fionna cries.

“¡Ay! I’ll - I’ll be fine!” The wizard says, clutching the wound, “Go find another portal!”

The Scarab follows Fionna as she runs out of the park and down a road. He’s just about to repo her when he gets hit with a bunch of nuts. They stick to the gum residue on his body.

“Git him boys!” The lumpy space person yells pointing his finger at him. A dozen squirrels leap onto the Scarab. Most of the squirrels' scratches and bites do nothing against his exoskeleton. He kicks about half of them off.

“Eat his face!”

One of the squirrels sinks its tiny claws into the soft, exposed skin around his left eye and bites down. Hard.

The Scarab screams as he rips the squirrel off his eye, but others scurry up his face. They claw, bite, and scratch at the tender area. The wounds pulse and radiate with pain.

He closes his eyes to protect them then quickly splits his face plate to fling most of the squirrels off.

One squirrel barely clings on, digging its little claws into his bare face. It barks and cries as he grabs it with his mandibles before going silent and limp when he bites it back.

He takes the corpse out of his mouth and spits out the blood and fur. The rest of the squirrels run away. He looks around with one eye. The world went back to the non magical version he originally entered.

“No! Stanley!” A human dressed in all purple cries. The Scarab throws the dead squirrel at his forehead. “You monster!”

The Scarab takes immense satisfaction eviscerating the purple human and squirrel out of existence.

His left eye is inflamed and itchy. He tries to open it, but blood gets in. He squeezes it tightly and unconsciously raises his hand to touch it. It’s hot and stings to the touch. He quickly pulls back his hand.

He looks around. The crossovers and the rest of their friends disappeared. He continues down the road he chased Fionna on. He looks into a store’s windows. A random citizen hiding behind the counter gasps and ducks under. He repossesses the building and continues his search.

Something soft hits the back of his head. He turns his head around and spots the crossover’s friend who turned into gum. The human grabs another cookie out of a paper bag and throws it at him. He catches and crushes the cookie. Crumbs fly into the scratches around his injured eye. He hisses in pain and marches up to the human.

“Uh, you more of a butter-tart guy?” He says with a shrug.

The other friend rushes in between them. “I’ll stop him -” He strums a simple cord on his guitar and winces in pain at the wrist movement. “with music.”

The human smashes the guitar over the Scarab's head

“Run!”

The Scarab takes a deep breath and brushes off the wooden splinters. He watches as the two flee in a zigzag pattern. He repossesses them and the bakery they were in front of.

Then the entire world erupts into magic again and he’s suddenly being crushed.

His knees slam into the asphalt first before his face is squished between cat fur and road. The resulting road rash makes it feel like someone set the left part of his face on fire. All the air is squeezed out of him. He can feel his exoskeleton bend past its limits. His crystal slips out of his hand. The pressure builds and builds before the Scarab’s body breaks apart.

The Scarab’s particular species is primarily known throughout the multiverse for their ability to split themself into multiple bugs. It’s exceedingly taxing and each bug only has a fraction of the cognitive abilities they have as a humanoid. It’s also exceptionally risky since all parts are required to come back together. However, it’s immensely useful when per se, you get crushed by several thousand tons of kaiju shaped cat since their bug form’s exoskeleton is much more flexible.

The Scarab’s only ever done this before once in his life. It was back when he was an editorial assistant on a research mission gone wrong. He found it jarring for his consciousness to fracture then and jarring now.

The Scarabs slip out underneath Cake. They split up into two groups to find the crystal and Fionna. One of him notices that at the very top of the Cake-Kaiju, she’s holding the crystal. He yelps to alert the rest and they crawl up Cake.

“Uggg, I can feel their little, tiny feet!” Cake grimaces.

She shivers in disgust. That shakes off a few of the Scarabs. But most of them grip on tightly to her fur and bite.

“And their tiny teeth. Ow ow ow.” She winces.

A few of the Scarabs that stayed on reach the top and try to grab the crystal. Cake moves it before any of them can get it. Then, just like the magic came, the magic disappears again. Cake starts to rapidly shrink and the Scarab’s pile on top of her. When she’s done shrinking, she’s reverted back to a normal cat form. She curls around the crystal, with her ears pinned back and fur puffed up.

The Scarab’s bite and scratch at her. They pull out tufts of fur and start to draw blood. Cake hisses and bats one of them off. However, that leaves an opening and another Scarab rushes in and grabs the crystal. It then rushes off.

Meanwhile, the other Scarab group hunts down Fionna. They follow her scent trail to a convenience store. She’s standing next to a frosty machine with the phone pressed against her ear. She’s holding her elbow and nervously tapping her fingers.

“Come on! Come one! Pick up!” She mutters to herself.

“Leave a message. Blehh.”

“Uhhh.” She grabs her head, “Simon what is going on?” Her voice is strained and on the verge of crying. She presses the call button again.

One of the Scarab’s sneaks up onto the cabinets and jumps on top of her. It grabs the cellphone. She yells and throws it off her head then curses when she realizes what she just did. She chases after it, but another one sprints over and trips her.

The ones with the phone and crystal meet up and yelp. The rest of the Scarab’s run over. They press against each other and fuse back into a humanoid.

The Scarab grimaces. His joints pop as he slowly stretches them. It feels like his head is still getting crushed as all the disjoint memories merge together.

He will make sure Prismo has the book thrown at him this time. But he needs to deal with these abominations first.

Fionna rushes out of the store.

“Cake!”

Fionna runs over Cake. She kneels down and picks up Cake.

“Fionna. I’m sorry.”

Fionna’s breath hitches as she pulls Cake into a hug.

The Scarab looms over the two of them and says, “All the world’s you’ve visited, all the people you’ve infected. Your little trip must have shown you the truth.”

He presses the crystal of the back of Fionna’s head.

“It would be better for everyone if you were just gone.”

He fires.

Chapter Text

For the second time that day, Simon is lying on the ground when he wakes up. The crown is on the floor off to the side. His head aches and his left hand throbs with pain. There’s a cold, wet cloth tightly tied around his hand that he has a vague memory of wrapping. He rubs his head and tries to remember why he’s hurt.

“Huh?”

His hand catches on what feels like a stretchy hole in the back of his head. He pulls his hand back. Some of the fuzziness in his head clears and he remembers. The ritual. The Scarab. The Lich. B-

“Betty?” Simon looks up.

Betty - or at the very least, what is left of her - floats in front of him. She looks almost nothing like the human she used to be, but he can see glimmers of her in the cosmic entity.

The top set of her eyes are a familiar cat eye frame shape - even if he can’t read her expression anymore. She's a bright, vibrant red that almost reminds him of her red-brown hair on lazy mornings when the sunlight filtered into their bedroom. She's covered in sharp spikes, but the gentle curves of her body that he memorized a thousand times over are still the same.

“Are - are you in there?” He asks.

He waits for her to respond. She doesn’t.

He eventually looks away. He focuses on the tetrimino’s orbiting around her, then at his feet and how close to the edge they are. He stares into the seemingly endless black void beneath him. It makes him dizzy. He sits down and dangles his feet over the edge.

“I finally get to you when I’m not even trying.” he chuckles. It’s hollow and empty - it would probably be more accurate to describe it as a sob. He thought his last semi-coherent moments would be in a desolate world with the Lich, not in Glob’s dimension with the only remnant left of his Princess.

“I searched for years for a way to undo this … I went to Mars, to Prismo’s time room, I interrogated Ooos current Lich - Sweet P, I asked my old wizard friends to bring me books and scrolls on Glob until they got sick of me.” He says. “There’s nothing I could find to bring someone back from Glob. There’s no spell, ritual, potion, incantation, charm, wish - no - no anything that I could find to fix you … I failed.”

He closes his eyes and hugs himself.

“There were some days, some months, that I just gave up… My life had been drained of all meaning and the only thing I could do was wallow in my own misery. You gave me a second chance and I’ve wasted it.”

He looks up at her.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Betty.”

She doesn’t respond.

He hangs his head low.

“When I first did the ritual, I just wanted to come here and tell you that,” he looks back up at her, “but then something else happened. I met two people who really need my help. Fionna and Cake.”

He stands up and grabs the crown. It’s cold and heavy in his hands.

“You would have really liked them.” He smiles. “They’ll use a second chance better than I ever did.”

He turns away from her. Some part of him knows this spits in the face of her sacrifice. Expressionless or not, he can’t bear to look at her when he does this. He raises the crown above his head and puts it on.

Suddenly he’s engulfed in magic. His whole body tenses up and it feels like everything down to the atoms that make him up are being viciously shaken. It lasts for less than a second, but it feels like an eternity. When it finally does end, he collapses to his knees and the crown falls off his head. Jolts of pain radiate up from his broken hand as he crawls on all fours to catch the crown before it falls off. He takes several shuddering breaths trying to process exactly what just happened.

Did - did she just electrocute him? He stands up to face her.

“Betty …” he says slowly, “their world depends on me becoming the Ice King.”

She doesn’t respond.

“I know you could never love me as the Ice King.” He says. “I’ve read your journals. To you, I was this sad, pathetic creature.”

He remembers rereading the entries she wrote after starting King Man’s ‘therapy’ one night after too many drinks. He was wearing his blue mumu and toy crown when he’d gotten to a six page long rant against the Ice King. He drunkenly cried and got the pages wet, causing the ink to smudge. Then - during the resulting panic attack - he vomited on it, making it illegible. Thankfully, he had already memorized everything she wrote, but he still mourned the loss of a primary source for her. He couldn’t replicate the careful balance her handwriting had between crisp and scrawl.

“And you were right. I was a sad, pathetic, insane, crazy old man.” He takes a deep breath and imagines Fionna, Cake, and all their friends dying like in Jerry’s universe. “But they need me to do this.”

She doesn’t respond.

“You of all people should understand why I must do this.” He says, memories of a recurring nightmare burned into his memory flooding his mind.

Glob’s stomach walls closing in.

A quick kiss.

A firm but gentle push.

The fading image of her putting on the crown.

Her transformation into something unfamiliar.

Him crying out to her as she banishes herself and Glob.

Simon is tired of remembering. He slams the crown onto his head ready for the cold numbness and freezing mania.

The same electrifying magic courses through him, but this time he’s prepared. He grits his teeth and doesn’t fall. What he’s not prepared for though, is the crown flying out of his hands and landing on a tetromino several hundred feet away.

“What am I supposed to do then Betty?” He asks, “Huh? What! Should I just let them die!”

She doesn’t respond.

He looks at where the crown is and plans a path to get to it. He does an experimental jump. The gravity here is weak. He walks over to the edge, turns around, then takes a running jump to the tetromino above him.

It moves and he misses. He screams as he flails his arms and legs then winces when he collides with a tetromino.

He wonders what poor soul she turned into the one he landed on. Logically he knows it’s most likely a Primordial Monster, a malevolent demigod like creature from before there was nothing. However, in that moment he felt as though it was just another unlucky person who had the grave misfortune of getting stuck with Glob.

He jumps as hard as he can to the closest tetrimino above him. It’s too far away and he falls back down. It didn’t even need to move.

“They need the Ice King, Betty!” He yells, jumping with every bit of force he can muster, only to miss and fall back down.

“No one needs Simon Petrikov.”

Jump. Miss. Fall.

“My Marcy’s all grown up and has a girlfriend.”

Jump. Miss. Fall.

“Gunter’s the Ice King - Ice Thing - whatever.”

Jump. Miss. Fall.

“Finn has Jake’s descendants.”

Jump. Miss. Fall.

“My old wizard pals don’t want some mopy, non-magic loser.”

Jump. Miss. Fall.

He rests his hands on his knees, wheezing as the new stitch in his side exasperates the burning in his lungs.

“And you -” he gasps out, “you’re gone. And there's no way to get you back.”

She doesn’t respond. She doesn’t move a muscle. She doesn’t make a sound. She doesn’t even blink. She just stares at him.

What is her plan? To just keep him trapped here? Until what? He dies and Fionna and Cake disappear from reality? A few days ago he would have been happy with that. All he wanted back then was to apologize to Betty and accept whatever judgment she'd give him.

But he has a purpose in life now. Even if that purpose is to be a living hard drive to the mini universe Prismo illegally placed in his brain with dubious consent. Without him Fionna and Cake will never go on another magical adventure. The blossoming relationship between -

His mind pulls a blank. Panic seizes his heart at that realization. It's not a blank like the crown’s frozen over memories where he'll still feel residuals of them. It's a complete and total blank.

He quickly searches the area and finds a tetromino with water dripping off it. His hand flies to the back of his head. There's a portal there. And a missing Scarab.

Oh bread balls.

Unconsciously, he finds himself reaching for familiar foreign whispers. Something to distract from the building fear. He needs to get to the crown. Once he has the crown he’ll - he’ll do something to stop the Scarab. His mind is racing, but all he can think about right now is the Scarab ripping out the world Simon only recently started to appreciate. He is suddenly aware of just how much brain space their universe took up as it's reduced to just a fraction of what it used to be. He clings onto the precious few remaining bits of their world.

He gets an idea.

“You and me, we got something to lose
Boy, you got your dreams, I got everything in you
And I’ll be there through all the reveries
‘Cause I believe in you more than I ever believed in me, ooh-ooh-ohh”

It took an entire two armies of people singing to pierce Glob’s stomach. He's just one person singing. There's no second voice to harmonize with him. When he jumps towards her all he can do is hope his plan will work.

She doesn’t respond when he manages to grab onto the yellow bow around her neck. Well, Simon assumes she doesn’t respond. He can’t see her face from here, but neither she nor the tetriminos are moving. He starts to climb up and the pain from his injured hand almost makes his voice quiver.

“And I love you, love you, love you
No, it's not so hard to tell
And I love you, love you, love you
Is it obvious to everyone else?

“And maybe this is killing part of me
But it ain't called love without a little tragedy, ooh-ooh

“And I love you, love you, love you
No, it's not so hard to tell
And I love you, love you, love you
Is it obvious to everyone else?"

Halfway up the side of her head, his voice cracks and his vision begins to swim. He almost loses his grip. He dries his eyes, pulls himself together, and continues climbing.

“And even in my fantasies
Make-believe couldn't make you
Darling, I've seen worlds in you
Who didn't know how to dream

“And you and me, we got something to lose
And, boy, you got my heart
My everything is you

“And I love you, love you, love you
No, it's not so hard to tell
And I love you, love you, love you
Is it obvious to everyone else?”

He reaches the highest point he can get to her. The crown is on a tetromino just a dozen feet away. He prays it doesn't move and lunges over to it. He barely grabs the edge with both hands. His left hand screams in agony while he heaves himself up and forces himself to keep singing.

He scrambles over to the crown, swiftly picking it up with trembling hands. Through the tears, he catches his reflection in the rubies. A red puffy face stares back at him as he finishes the song.

“And even in my fantasies
Make-believe couldn't make you
Darling, I've seen worlds in you
Who didn't know how to dream”

He takes a shuddering breath, sniffs his nose, and looks at her.

She finally responds to him with a look of pity. Like he’s a child crying because you won’t let him play with a gun.

How. Dare. She.

It feels like the rose tinted glasses have been ripped off his face. Venom builds in his chest and for the first time since he found the crown he truly allows himself to be angry at Betty. For leaving him when he first got cursed. For preventing his death during the Bella Noche incident, condemning him to the Crown's curse again. For sacrificing her sanity. For kidnapping Gunter. For hacking into the crown. For not loving every version of him. For every cruel thing she said about him as the Ice King. For tricking Finn and Jake. For endangering all of Ooo, not once, but twice.

For finding a way to save him, but at the cost of herself.

And now that he’s finally found meaning again - a relief from the everyday monotony that he slogged through, a reason to go on - she tries to stop him!

Gripping the crown so hard his knuckles turn white, he raises the crown above his head. He locks eye contact with her.

“I finally have a purpose again.”

Before the crown can even touch a hair, Simon’s eyes roll back and he passes out.