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“I alone can see your greatness, I alone can see your light,” he whispered.
The truth only crept slowly into her bones.
Deep waves crashed over her and brought her to a ground that she wasn't even able to see, that she hadn't seen all along. She felt control slip away from her and didn’t catch her own words she was saying in reply.
But as he spoke again, she listened, "I would make you a queen, fair as the sea and the sun, stronger than the foundations of the earth"
The softness of his voice, almost too delicate, slithered its way right into her soul, making her shiver and gnawing at the wellsprings of her emotions.
Tears filled Galadriel's eyes without any control. And the worst thing was that a part of her wanted to give in, a part of her wanted to believe that he was still the man she had... trusted.
The wind was howling around them and it felt as if she was actually standing again on the raft in the middle of the ocean. She felt the breeze on her hand and she felt his fingers touching her cheek, brushing over her chin, so gentle and intimate with an inherent sense of understanding. It did not feel like an illusion.
The tears in her eyes felt real, what she felt shaking her ground was real, what she said felt real, “and you, my king… the dark lord”.
…and you, my king.
The words echoed in her head like a wild noise. Had she even released them into the strong wind of the sea?
“No, not dark. Not with you at my side.” He looked into her eyes. The sea around them, but they were on saving ground. She saw that safe haven in those eyes, reflecting back to her.
Galadriel had felt a connection, deep and strong as never before. A mirror of herself. But she blinked.
It turned out that when she looked into the mirror she only saw darkness.
…and you, my king. The dark lord.
Stronger than the foundations of the earth.
And this part of her, that part that had chosen darkness a long time ago, when she had decided to jump from the ship, found a strange sense of logic in his words.
In Halbrand's words. Sauron's! These were Sauron's words.
The problem was not that he had deceived her. The problem was that all the truths he had told, even if it had been only a part of them, had been like an anchor to which she had clung, and that meant... that meant that she had clung to Sauron like a saving shore.
How could she understand her own feelings? How could anyone ever understand that?
She saw the vision shimmering in the glittering water, the shadows of a future that could never be and that made her heart ache. A dark king, a bright queen.
He touched her hands, wrapping his fingers around hers and Finrod’s dagger. Where she had expected coldness, she felt warmth and her breath slowed and quickened at the same time.
Hadn’t she always been destined to hunt this enemy that killed her brother?
He looked at her, “You bind me to light and I bind you to power. Together we can save this Middle-earth.”
She wavered, and it was not because of the raft, it was the staggering truth grasping at the corners of her mind, slowly invading it as thoughts of denial fought against the shore. The waves crashed against the stones and broke them, pieces falling into the water until the raft drowned in the deep sea.
Could he read her mind right now? All of her thoughts?
There was no way she was going to give in to that thought she had hidden in the darkest corner of her mind, however tempting it might be, however much she longed to give in to it, to step fully into the darkness for once and never have to worry about being surrounded by it again, because she had sided with the darkness, was bound to it. It would be easier, it would be simple to recognise the light. But would she still be able to hold on to the light when she was bound to him ?
You bind me to the light.
It would change nothing, another burden on her shoulders, another weight to lift, another constant struggle to reach the surface, to swim on the water. No fair queen, just a broken bond.
And somehow, at that thought, a strangely strangling disappointment crept into her heart. She wanted to, but she would not be able to make it, not by his side. With Halbrand maybe but not with Sauron, not with all this all-immersing darkness, stronger than almost anything. She could never burn so brightly a flame for both of them. And then they would fall, and Middle-earth with them, to the tyranny of a dark lord.
Never would she have imagined the dimension of the darkness she had sealed a contract with, the darkness she had made king of the southlands. The darkness had always called to her but this time it was too much. This time she had gone too far. If she crossed that bridge to his side, she would never return.
Instead of deep contempt, there was only gnawing, insurmountable pain and a sense of loss. She would never be at his side. Not with what he was.
Yet the vision lingered in Galadriel’s soul, like a betrayal of a promise she had never even made. And the loss she was about to feel, threatened to pull her down. It was only her mind, the true memory of her brother, her long sworn oath and the irrationality of the situation that kept her going, that kept her focused on Sauron’s eyes, not on Halbrand’s, kept her seeing all the darkness and recognising it.
“Save or rule?,” she asked, as if she didn’t already know the answer but somehow her feelings wanted to cling to the slightest chance of letting her soul fall.
That chance vanished as soon as he said his words, declaring that there was no difference. But there was, and another wave shook the raft.
I bind you to power.
But she was Galadriel, commander of the northern army, never wavering, consistently steady, consistently standing like a beacon in the dark, looking straight into the blackest midst.
She was powerful too.
And she forced all those hidden feelings, all that desperation, all those things that bound them, the resemblance of his company and transformed it with an undeniable ache in her heart.
She turned it into hatred. Ignited her soul with the fire she felt when they were together, all those hopes and dreams. And she burned them, burned them with the ashes of his lies, let the waves crash over them. Then she raised the dagger to his neck.
“That is why I could never be at your side.”
He didn't look surprised. Galadriel felt Halbrand's presence so close to her. He towered over her, looking down at her, his eyes deep and calm. Only a flicker of light reflected in them as a sense of emotion rose to the surface. A flicker of Halbrand’s design of passion, but with a darker balance to show her that no weapon would ever be enough to break him, to disturb his plans of order and dominion.
But Galadriel was determined to try. She had to find a way.
He could not convince her. And before she saw his frustration break through his façade, Galadriel felt it in those false pretentious eyes that had never carried any falsehood for her.
Suddenly she realised that she was probably the only being of this world that had ever seen this side of him.
A glimmer of honesty. A small glint between deception and truth.
And she knew that there was a chance to break him. Without both of them realising it, they were already bound to each other. She had seen him struggle and she could reach out to him and destroy him. However much it would cost her, however much it would hurt.
The worst part was not that Halbrand had been an illusion. The worst part was that it had always been Sauron and that she had felt this connection to the lord she had vowed to hunt and destroy for so long. In the end, it did not even matter that she had been unaware of who he was, she had felt connected to him anyway. And nothing would ever come close to that.
Then the atmosphere turned and the storm tore the sky into pieces as Galadriel saw his true nature, the evil of his soul. She wanted to break down but somehow she stood.
Sauron lives because of you.
She let out a cry of distinctive determination. And he will die because of me.
And together they shook the sea.
She knew she had done the right thing. She had been strong for all middle-earth. The people she had led right to their doom by putting her trust in this man. She had never been worthy of a queen. Only a lord of darkness would believe she was.
She knew it but she did not feel it.
For a sweeping moment, she had felt understood, and there was no path of denial forceful enough to hide that. There was a lump in her throat, tears in her eyes, and no way of holding them back.
Galadriel knew very well that the waves, quickened by the tempest within her, had calmed the fires for an amount of time but even ashes could reignite when the sparks were still there.
Stronger than the foundations of the earth.
And you my king…