Chapter Text
Obi-Wan Kenobi was considered a legend, the great Jedi Master who killed the Sith Lord, Darth Sidious, 10 years ago (Anakin was not even born yet and Master Kenobi was already a legend!) and saved the Republic from the perverse influence of the Dark Side. Well, consequently, Master Kenobi was the target of a lot of gossip among the Padawans, Initiates and even the Knights and Masters, no matter how much they tried to tell otherwise. Not only because of all his history in the Order, but also because the Jedi was... untouchable. Almost no one had contact with Master Kenobi... the man was really a mystery surrounded by epic tales about the time he fought in the Clone Wars. And of course, all this only made the stories and curiosity about him grow even more. Anakin didn’t really take long to realize this after he arrived at the Temple with Master Jinn at the age of 5.
They knew that Master Kenobi lived in the Temple only because sometimes some people saw him walking through the corridors, leaving the High Council Chamber or even giving some lessons to the older Initiates. Anakin was still too young to take the rare classes that sometimes Master Kenobi gave, but that did not stop him from yearning to meet the man and learn from him. He remembered with envy when Aayla spoke of the time Master Kenobi showed his skills with Soresu in a class she attended (Anakin would give anything to have been there! Master Kenobi was known - also - for being the great master of Form III).
However, apart from these few occasions, no one really saw Master Kenobi. He had no padawan for years, not since Ahsoka Tano, who was already a Knight at the end of the Clone Wars and since then he has never accepted any apprentice. Besides that, he did not go out with the other Jedi, that is, apart from all the Masters of the Council, Anakin discovered through stories that he heard that Master Kenobi had only a few friends. Master Vos, Master Bant and Master Siri were the most quoted and Anakin always saw them at the Temple, but Master Kenobi himself was never with them (Anakin always checked, perhaps a little too obsessively).
So, yes. Anakin was a little curious obsessed with the great Master Kenobi, but who could blame him?! Everyone was at least a little curious about the mysterious Jedi Master. Anakin sometimes tried to get some information from Master Jinn when he was visiting him, since the old master was one day Obi-Wan’s Master, but Qui-Gon didn’t speak much more than the youngling already knew, he just made it clear how proud he was. Anakin honestly found everything very frustrating. He just wanted to meet Master Kenobi! And... well, who knows if he wouldn’t accept a new Padawan?
Anakin could dream, right?
So, when Anakin finally met Master Kenobi, he almost fainted from so much emotion (not only for knowing the Master, but also for all the accumulation of feelings throughout the day inside his chest). It was in the middle of a peaceful afternoon, at least outside the sun shone golden in the sky of Coruscant, nothing important happened, it was a day like any other and it was unbelievable that meeting Master Kenobi happened on a day as mundane as it was (even if for Anakin it was the most special day of all!)
Despite the good and peaceful day, inside Anakin everything seemed so wrong. He (again) had fought with another youngling in his class, but (again) it wasn’t really his fault! That idiot Goloc always bullied Anakin, mocking his past in Tatooine. And, as much as Anakin tried to control himself, he couldn’t stand still while listening to the boy make fun of how he was a slave on a planet on the Outer Rim, how Anakin spoke “funny” because of his rustic accent. Anakin hated Drugah Goloc, even though he knew that Jedi should not feel hatred.
However, always after the fights and the reprimand he took from his Creche Master, all the anger that Anakin felt evaporated from his body and only the sadness remained. He felt so sad and missing home, his mother, being... loved and dear to someone. That’s it, he loved Master Solari, she was good and kind, but like all the Jedi she was also distant. At least more distant than Anakin was used to. He was friend with Ferus Olin and Aayla Secura, but they were older than Anakin so they barely saw each other. Master Jinn visited him sometimes and it was good to talk to him, Qui-Gon always felt a little different from the other Jedi of the Temple, but again he was still emotionally distant.
So, whenever Anakin fought, he never had anyone by his side to wipe his tears and say that everything would be fine, that they loved him, that Anakin would be able to grow up and become a great Jedi. So... well, he ran away so no one would see him so vulnerable (he wasn’t a baby! Anakin was already 6 years old.)
He hid where no one could find him. The little youngling was actually very good at it, after all he lived in Tatooine for 5 years and after 1 year in the Templo, Anakin had already investigated the best places to be alone and hidden from everyone (Master Solari always said that Anakin would give her white hair earlier). On this day, in particular, Anakin chose one of the old meditation rooms, almost no one came here because it was too small, but he liked it a lot. The room was in the oldest part of the Temple, its high windows let the light in, leaving it in a golden tone because of the afternoon sun. It was small and cozy.
And Anakin shouldn’t be there.
He angrily wiped his red face and wet with tears. Anakin really hated it every time he fought with someone because it made him very unstable in the Force, as if it wasn’t enough for him to have arrived older in the Temple with a heavy emotional charge from his past in Tatooine. So, every time they made fun of him because of his past, Anakin couldn’t help but feel so emotionally sad and overwhelmed.
With all this in mind, he really didn’t expect to be interrupted by Master Kenobi. Anakin didn’t even notice the intrusion at first (was it an intrusion if Anakin who invaded and hid in the room first?) of the Jedi Master because he was so distracted. He only noticed that he had company when he heard a person clear their throat behind him.
Anakin got up so fast from the ground that he almost stumbled, already imagining the excuses to give Master Solari for finding him here or any other Master. However, as soon as he turned around, Anakin was frozen in place choking and suffocating what he would say when he realized that, in fact, who interrupted his crying was none other than Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. The little youngling was so shocked and emotional that he couldn’t open his mouth to say anything, feeling his heart thunder in his chest.
It was really Master Kenobi there in the flesh! In front of him!
Suddenly, at once, a powerful Force signature ran all over the room until it reached Anakin. He felt like a warm and comfortable blanket lay on his shoulders. It was powerful, but not oppressive. It was Master Kenobi’s Force probing him. Anakin knew that and felt it inside his being. It was good... and familiar in a way that the little child couldn’t explain.
At that moment, Anakin felt as if he was meeting his hero and devoured all the details of the Jedi Master. Obi-Wan wore beige and brown robes (like most Jedi really, but he looked even better in it!), lightsaber on the waist (Master Kenobi’s lightsaber! Anakin hoped that his one day would be blue too...), his hair was more golden than Anakin had imagined when they said he had red hair. However, despite looking at everything he could, what caught Anakin’s attention the most were the eyes.
Master Obi-Wan’s two eyes were covered.
Each eye had a bronze eyepatches covering them and Anakin could not explain how he never informed himself about the fact that Master Kenobi was blind. Perhaps it was something very widespread in the Order that no one talked about, but for Anakin it was a surprise. Not that he had never seen a blind person before, he lived in Tatooine and there many accidents happened that left slaves without seeing. It was a surprise because he didn’t really expect it. Master Kenobi was one of the greatest swordsmen of the Order, so Anakin knew that he fought as if he saw everything perfectly.
What was only rectified at the moment when, realizing that Anakin would be silent, Master Obi-Wan walked until he stopped a few centimeters away from the boy and turned his face in his direction (as if he knew exactly where Anakin was). “Little one, what are you doing alone here? Shouldn’t you be at the Creche?”
“I... I...” Anakin swallowed, still staring in amaze at the Master in front of him. “I’m not little. I’m tall for my age, actually” was all he could answer foolishly, but Anakin was right. He was not little, he was at the height of Master Kenobi’s waist at least.
The Jedi Master in front of him seemed amused both in the small smile that appeared on his face and in the Force signature that swept Anakin.
“Of course... how silly of me. You’re already a big boy.”
“Yes, Master” Anakin fixed his posture and held his hands behind him as he stuffed his chest. He was one of the tallest in his class and also one of the most mature! Master Kenobi had to see his qualities if Anakin would like to become his Padawan in the future.
“But you didn’t answer my question. What are you doing here without your Crèche Master?” Anakin hoped he had forgotten the question. He didn’t want Master Kenobi to know why he was there, he was already wrong for having run away, showing that Anakin was a crying and sentimental baby would not help at all for the Jedi Master to find him worthy of being his Padawan.
He almost started crying again. Both because he remembers why he was hidden there and because Master Kenobi is a spectator of it. It was humiliating!
“I... I got lost” Anakin knew it should seem miserable, after all he was too young to control how his emotions resonated in the Force. Master Kenobi certainly realized that something was wrong, but to Anakin’s relief he did not pressure him to speak.
In fact, Master Kenobi was silent as if he were looking at Anakin (inside him) for a whole minute. So, he finally spoke again. “Well, since you got lost, little one, why not take advantage of it?” Anakin wasn’t even angry for being called little again since curiosity lit up inside him. “This room is a great place to find balance in the Force, don’t you think?”
And in fact, Anakin thought so. That’s why he ran away there after all. The meditation room was isolated and had a calming air. “Yes, Master. I like it here...”
“Great. I was on my way to meditate when I found you. Maybe we will both benefit from this little chance of fate” Master Kenobi then walked to the corner of the room and took out two meditation mats. “What’s your name, little one?”
“Anakin Skywalker!” Maybe he said too excited, but Master Kenobi wanting to know his name was so exciting. The great Master Obi-Wan Kenobi knew who Anakin was!
“Well, Anakin, have you already learned to meditate?” He asked when he went back to Anakin’s side and put the carpets on the floor.
“Hm...” Anakin would like to say yes to show himself skilled, but that would be a lie. He wasn’t good at meditation... in fact, he was terrible. When his silence extended for a long time, Master Kenobi spoke again.
“It’s okay if you don’t know. Let’s do it together” the Jedi Master sat on the carpet with his legs crossed. “Of course, if you want to.”
“I want it, Master!” Anakin quickly sat on the meditation mat in front of Obi-Wan. The other younglings will never believe that he really was in a meditation session with Master Kenobi in person! And a session with only the two of them.
Not even Anakin knew anymore if he was dreaming or not.
“So, I’ll teach you” Obi-Wan again seemed amused, as if he could see all the excitement of Anakin in front of him.
As soon as they held hands, Anakin didn’t think of anything else. He followed everything that Master Kenobi said, step by step. After a few minutes, (or has it been an hour?) it was the first time in Anakin’s short life that he really went into a meditative state. It had never felt so comforting before, but Master Kenobi’s presence and Force signature intertwined with his made Anakin calm down in a way that nothing and no one had done before.
Gradually, all the bad feelings, anger, sadness, hatred, that were still in his chest because of the previous fight were being untied from within himself until there was nothing left but the calm, serenity and happiness that filled him. Master Kenobi’s hands were large and warm against his own, his Force signature although strongly overwhelming was filled with a peace that relaxed Anakin until he felt sleepy.
“Maybe it’s time to take you back,” he heard the Master’s distant whisper in front of him. Anakin wanted to protest, he didn’t want to leave right now that he finally found Master Obi-Wan and had him all to himself! But his small body tired of the hectic day didn’t listen to him.
He heard himself grumbling, but soon stopped when he felt arms around him and his head resting on one shoulder. It should have been humiliating to be carried on Obi-Wan’s arms at the age of 6, but all Anakin could feel was a complete happiness. While he was sleeping in Master Kenobi’s arms, he didn’t even see it when he returned to the Crèche.
•••
It turned out to become a routine.
Anakin ran away to the meditation room excited to see Master Kenobi. They talked and meditated together until Anakin was so calm and happy that he fell asleep in the Master’s arms, who carried him back to the Crèche. Master Solari, after a while, she didn’t even question where Anakin was running away anymore, already knowing that if the little one was not present, it was because he was on Obi-Wan’s side.
He just loved it. They were the happiest days of Anakin’s life in the Temple.
Master Kenobi was everything he imagined and much more. Besides being powerful and wise, he was calm, kind and even funny! It did not help at all in his little obsession, much less in his conviction of becoming Obi-Wan’s Padawan. After all, Master Kenobi didn’t have contact with many people, but he kept meeting Anakin for them to meditate together... that meant something, right?
He also always carried Anakin in his arms back to Crèche. And well... Anakin was not a baby, but he would never complain about Master Kenobi showing care for him. He loved being carried by Obi-Wan.
As time passed, Anakin felt more and more confident every time he met the Jedi Master. He no longer tried to look so perfect in front of Obi-Wan and began to open up more. He talked about his day, his friends, his classes and even asked for training advices for Master Kenobi.
Who would believe that Anakin could one day receive advice from Master Kenobi himself?! He sometimes thought he was in a long, wonderful dream.
“Master?” Anakin asked sleepy, already lying in Obi-Wan’s arms even though they have not left the room.
“Yes, dear one?”
“Where do you sleep?” Obi-Wan held him tight as he got up from the floor to go towards the Crèche.
“Why, in my Master’s rooms.”
“In the Temple?” Anakin sighed happily as he hid his face in Master Kenobi’s neck and felt his refreshing smell. Obi-Wan had such a good smell, of soap and some product that resembled spring afternoons.
“Where else would it be, little one?” Anakin felt Obi-Wan’s laughter on his body when the Master’s chest went up and down. It did not go unnoticed by Anakin that even though he was awake Obi-Wan did not force him to walk back to the Crèche, but kept carrying him on his arms.
“But you’re almost never seen” he opened his curious and confused eyes to the Jedi who held him.
“Oh, well...” Obi-Wan was silent for a few seconds, pondering, before speaking again. “You see, Anakin, my relation with the Force has changed so that I could adapt to my new reality... I feel everything more amplified, you can say. This helps me and helped me keep myself a Jedi, but at the same time it can be overwhelming” was the first time Anakin heard Master Kenobi talk about his special connection with the Force and how it made it possible for him to fight as well as anyone (Better than anyone! Master Kenobi was the best Jedi of all for Anakin). “So, staying a long time close to everything and everyone is a little tiring. The Force gives me much more than sometimes I can take, little one” was also the first time Anakin realized that his Master was not as indestructible as Anakin thought he was.
“Does meditation help?”
“Quite.”
“Then I’m going to meditate with Master forever!” Obi-Wan smiled and approached until Anakin felt an affectionate kiss on his forehead. The Master’s Force signature was intertwined with his and it was so familiarly that it seemed like returning home.
“Thank you, dear one. I appreciate it”satisfied, Anakin again lay his head on Obi-Wan’s shoulder.
So, the youngling knew that he was gradually forming a special relationship with Master Kenobi. As much as they never saw each other far from the meditation room, Anakin knew that it was not because Master Obi-Wan was ashamed of him or something like that, but because the Master did not like to be very close to others Force-sensitives. Sometimes he would show up with headaches for some meditation sessions and Anakin knew it was because he had spent the day with many people. On these occasions, the meditations were always longer, but Anakin never complained.
He knew all that. But not the other children.
Then, a rumor began to spread among the Initiates that Anakin was a liar (Drugah who created it). No one believed it when he talked about meeting Master Kenobi and again they mocked him. One day in particular, Drugah besides calling him a liar again, said that Master Kenobi would never like a former slave as Padawan. Anakin couldn’t even let his anger out to answer the other boy, he just ran from the courtyard, running away. He didn’t know where he was going, but as soon as he felt the signature of Master Kenobi’s Force nearby, Anakin realized that he unconsciously searched the entire Temple for his Master and did not stop running until he collided with Obi-Wan’s legs.
“Anakin?! What...?” He heard Master Kenobi surprised and then confused, but did not move away his face from where he had hid in the Jedi’s tunic, not wanting Master Kenobi to see his stupid tears. “Dear one, what happened? What are you doing here?” When Anakin still didn’t answer, he felt Master Obi-Wan take him in his arms. Anakin wasted no time hiding his face on his shoulder while hugging him tightly. “Let’s go to a better place to talk, huh?”
Anakin grabbed his little hands in Master Kenobi’s robe and nodded. “Mace, we’ll talk later.”
“Of course, Obi-Wan... Take care of yourself and the youngling too” only after hearing Master Windu’s voice that Anakin lifted his face from Obi-Wan’s shoulder and realized how desperately he went after Master Kenobi until he found him near the Jedi High Council Chamber.
Force, he shouldn’t be here... he felt even more embarrassed.
Anakin and Obi-Wan still kept silent while Master Kenobi walked through the corridors with him in his arms. Anakin hoped that he would not scold him for interrupting Obi-Wan’s talk with Mace Windu so disrespectfully and abruptly. Anakin was already 7 years old now, he should know better and not be a crying baby.
“Well, now, what happened?” Master Kenobi asked after they entered the meditation room and sat on the floor.
“Nothing...” Anakin then finally moved his face away from the Master’s shoulder, lamenting mentally when he saw that he wet Obi-Wan’s clothes. Stars, he was so silly.
“Come on, dear one. Don’t be like that. Did you run to me crying and now say it’s nothing?” Master Kenobi very slowly, as if he were afraid, put his hands on Anakin’s cheeks and wiped his tears. “What made you so sad? You can talk to me, I promise I won’t judge you, baby.”
Anakin’s heart ached by this. Master Kenobi was always so good to him... Better than any other Jedi of the Order. In these moments together, Anakin felt everything he missed so much: being dear and loved.
He then realized that it was the first time that Master Kenobi had put his hands on his face. He didn’t know what Anakin looked like even after almost a year of their meditation sessions. Looking at the bronze eyepatches of Obi-Wan’s eyes, Anakin longed for one day to be able to see the Master’s eyes.
Would they have any color or would they be white?
“The other younglings made fun of me...” Anakin began to speak in a small, low voice as he stared at the man in front of him. He didn’t want Master Kenobi to know about his weakness, about how he couldn’t defend himself from other children because he was too emotional for that. However, he couldn’t really lie to Obi-Wan either. Not only was it wrong, but also Master Kenobi always knew in some way when Anakin spoke the truth or not. “They said...” his voice chocked as he tried not to cry again. “They said you wouldn’t like a former slave as Padawan.”
Then, for the first time since Anakin met Master Kenobi, his Force signature ceased to be warm and comforting, and became cold and dark at the edges. “Who said that?”
“Just a few mean children, Master. Sorry for... what I did. I didn’t know you were busy!” Anakin spoke so quickly, afraid that Master Kenobi was so angry at his intrusion. “I really didn’t want to bother you... I... I didn’t even see where I was going!”
“Hey, dear one, you don’t have to be sorry. I know you didn’t want to bother me. You never could. You don’t have to apologize for that” Anakin almost purred when Obi-Wan ran his fingers affectionately through his blonde hair. “It’s good that you came to talk to me actually. It’s absurd they said that to you. I know you would be a perfect Padawan... your past only shows how strong you are. You deserve to be here like anyone else.”
Anakin couldn’t prevent the tears from falling again when he heard this. He hugged Master Kenobi tightly again. Anakin could never be grateful enough to the Force for having put Obi-Wan in his life.
He said Anakin would be a perfect Padawan!
“No more crying, okay?” He heard the Jedi Master talk as he returned his hug. Anakin nodded as he let himself melt in his Master’s arms, being surrounded by his calm and warmth in the Force.
It was two days after this incident when Anakin saw Master Kenobi again. Usually they met three days a week in the meditation room, but this time it was different for the total joy and surprise of the little Initiate. Master Obi-Wan entered his training class in place of his usual teacher.
Master Kenobi never taught younger Initiates.
All the younglings when they saw the great Jedi Master in the room were euphoric, even if they tried not to demonstrate much. Anakin radiated happiness in the Force. He didn’t know why Master Kenobi was there, after all he only expected to receive any class from his Master when he was older since Obi-Wan only taught the older younglings. However, when Master Kenobi stopped in the middle of the room and began to explain what they would do that day, Anakin almost jumped on his lap with so much excitement for finally having his much dreamed class.
It wasn’t like Master Kenobi didn’t teach Anakin anything. He learned to meditate, Master Kenobi really liked to read and then also helped Anakin with his theoretical class tests. He even learned how to improve his lightsaber fighting, even though he was so young, Anakin already loved to sparring (even if he only did this with the training staff for now). Despite this, being really in Master Kenobi’s class was different from everything else he learned in the time they spent together meditating.
“Anakin!” Hearing his name being called by Master Kenobi took him out of his amazed daydream. Obi-Wan called him by his name in front of the whole class! Now they would believe that Anakin knew him in one way or another. “Can you show the basic movements to your class?” He almost jumped from excitement by Master Kenobi showing him attention in front of everyone. Anakin was sure he radiated in the Force.
“Yes, Master!”
When Anakin finished the demonstration, Obi-Wan turned to him and stroked his hair as he smiled proudly for everyone to see. “Good job, Anakin” And so he kept throughout the class praising Anakin whenever he could and... well, after that all the Initiates wanted to talk to him about Master Kenobi. Drugah Goloc was super angry and Anakin almost went to rub in the boy’s face that Master Obi-Wan liked him more than any other Initiate, but he claimed himself better than that. Anakin has already had his victory after all. A victory that he was sure was because Master Kenobi made a point of showing everyone that Anakin always told the truth. That Anakin was capable and could become a Jedi like any other there.
The only problem with all this was that it brought hope to Anakin’s heart.
Since he arrived at the Temple and learned about Master Kenobi, his dream was to become his Padawan. Even knowing that Master Obi-Wan only had one Padawan and never wanted another after the end of the Clone Wars, Anakin could not help but yearn, to pray to Force for Obi-Wan to accept him as his apprentice. The day his dream was crushed was the saddest day of Anakin’s life in that place. He wished more than anything to leave, go back to his mother and forget that Obi-Wan Kenobi once existed.
It was during a talk that he probably should not hear between Master Solari and Master Kenobi. “You must already imagine, Master Kenobi, that Anakin is after a Master for him. I’ve already said that he’s still young, but well you know Anakin” the mirialan woman said.
“Yeah, I know him well. He has also talked to me about how excited he is to become a Padawan” Anakin’s heart almost came out of his chest when Master Kenobi started talking about it. For a moment, he swore that it would finally be his time, that Obi-Wan would say that he would take him as Padawan. However, what he heard was: “I’m sure that over time he will get a Master’s attention. Anakin is very talented... someone will accept him as Padawan eventually. He just has to be patient” Master Kenobi finished speaking with a slight fun laugh.
For Anakin, it suddenly seemed like a mocking laugh. It had been almost 4 years since he knew Master Kenobi and tried everything to prove himself worthy of being his Padawan, but apparently he was an idiot from the beginning. It didn’t matter what Anakin did. It didn’t matter how much he trained, trying to become the best Initiate of the Order, trying to draw the attention of Master Kenobi... in the end, the Jedi Master only saw him as a needy Initiate. The poor former slave Anakin Skywalker! How did he think that one day he could become the Padawan of the greatest Jedi of the Order?
Oh, Force! Anakin was so stupid!
He ran away from the two Jedi Masters before they realized that Anakin was there in the first place (after all, almost nothing went unnoticed by Master Kenobi). And then, after the youngling finally realized that he would never be Master Kenobi’s Padawan, he found himself without a goal.
Anakin didn’t know much about the other Masters (he was never really interested). He didn’t even know who to think of to be his Master now... and, in fact, Anakin didn’t even want to think of any other Master like his without being Master Kenobi. That’s it, there was Master Jinn, but he had already said that he felt too old to have another Padawan and Anakin really understood. In addition to him, he knew Master Vos and Master Tachi because the two were the Masters of his friends, Aayla and Ferus... just as they were friends of Master Kenobi. In his dreams, Anakin always thought that everyone would become like a big family since the Masters were close as well as their Padawans.
His dreams ran through his hands like the sands of Tatooine.
For the next few weeks, Anakin refused to see Obi-Wan. He didn’t look for him nor did he go to the meditation room they usually met. When the third week arrived and Master Kenobi didn’t even show up looking for him, Anakin’s heart broke once again.
He didn’t miss you, no one misses you, a small voice seemed to whisper in Anakin’s mind every day that Master Kenobi did not appear.
It was completely unexpected when Obi-Wan finally found him. Anakin was actually hidden in one of the different hiding places he found in the Temple (one that had been a long time since he really visited, since after meeting Master Kenobi, Anakin always ran away into his arms to calm himself down). It was a poorly used room in the Archives and, although Mestre Nu knew that he was there because she knew everything that was happening in that place, Anakin was never disturbed by the time he stayed in that room, pretending to read. At least not before... now he was so distracted looking out the window at the blue sky outside that he didn’t notice Master Kenobi standing right at the door.
Anakin never understood how the Master could be so quiet.
Although he was surprised to see Obi-Wan standing at the door of the room, Anakin managed to swallow the surprised gasp so as not to report his position. He did not know how he would face Master Kenobi after the rejection he received (at least not without crying) so Anakin was in total silence, breathing suspended.
“Anakin?” He bit his lip, holding the lively greeting that he usually gave as soon as he saw Obi-Wan. With his continuous silence, the Jedi Master frowned in confusion and Anakin noticed how agitated he looked, constantly shaking his hand on the doorknob. “Anakin...? I can feel you in the Force...”
His voice came out much more insecure now and with that Anakin began to feel very bad. He was silent because he knew Obi-Wan couldn’t see... so he didn’t want Obi-Wan to hear him. However, at the same time, while looking at the Jedi Master always so confident suddenly looking small, something broke inside Anakin.
How can he do this with Master Kenobi? Taking advantage of his blindness to run away from him... Anakin felt sick with himself. Then he stopped being a coward and finally said “Go away...” His voice sounding weak and sadder than he planned. If a few years ago someone told Anakin that he would ask Master Kenobi to go away, he would say that the person was completely crazy.
Obi-Wan seemed to sigh relieved as he completely entered the room, but still left the door open. “Well, what happened? You stopped going to ours meditation sessions and now you ask me to leave. Did I do something wrong, dear one?”
Dear one.
Dear one.
This brought tears to Anakin’s eyes and he was selfishly happy that no one saw it. He was so stupid, so weak. If Obi-Wan didn’t want to be his master, it was because of that, how emotional Anakin was. He may have tried everything, but he never managed to change that part of himself. A part that was extremely flawed for a person who would like to become a Jedi one day. “It’s nothing” he angrily wiped the tears from his face.
Master Kenobi then walked to where Anakin was sitting and knelt down. “Please, Anakin. If you don’t tell me, I can’t fix it.”
“You don’t want to fix this” his voice came out tearful and with the weight of all the ten years he had. Anakin was a child, he could act like a child sometimes, couldn’t he?
“If this is making you cry alone in the corner, I do want to fix it. Please, dear one...” the Master’s hand fell on Anakin’s head, caressing between the blonde strands. And the youngling didn’t know if it was the affection in Master Kenobi’s voice or touch, but something broke him and he cried even more while trying to talk stuttering:
“Y-You don’t want me!”
“I... what?” Master Kenobi seemed genuinely confused. He took a deep breath to try to speak clearly and stop crying like a baby when he went to answer.
“I... I heard you talking to Master Solari about another Master accepting me as Padawan.”
“Well... yes, I remember that” Obi-Wan pushed his hand away from Anakin’s head and the youngling almost whimpered. Now everything seemed to take Master Kenobi away from him. “I know you can’t wait to become a Padawan... a Master will have you, Anakin. I’m sure. You don’t have to worry about it.”
Even for Anakin who was a child, someone being so obtuse was surprising. Master Kenobi was deliberately ignoring all of Anakin’s attempts to become his Padawan or did he really have no idea that Anakin dreamed of being his Padawan?
“Master!” Anakin whimpered as he threw himself into Obi-Wan’s arms. At the same moment, the calm and warm Force surrounded him as well as the smell that looked like home flooded his senses. He missed Master Kenobi so much! How could Anakin be Padawan of any other Master? “That’s not the problem!” Because he knew he was a great Initiate. He just... wasn’t good enough for Master Kenobi, apparently. “You... you don’t want me as Padawan!” His little hands held tightly in the older man’s beige tunic, as if he let go, Master Kenobi would be lost forever. Fortunately, he felt Obi-Wan’s warm hands caress his back affectionately.
“Do you want me, dear one?” Usually Master Kenobi said calm, but the question was asked in a serious tone.
It was humiliating for him to cling to Master Kenobi, almost begging to be his apprentice. But... it was 5 years living in the Temple, 5 years dreaming of becoming Master Kenobi’s Padawan. Every time they were together it seemed so... so right both in the Force and inside Anakin. So, if he had to cry for that... he would cry!
Anakin nodded for Obi-Wan to feel through the movements since he could not open his mouth to speak. It would probably only result in more crying. He felt incredibly small the more time passed without Master Kenobi saying anything with his confession. “It’s been 10 years since I had a Padawan, Anakin. I wasn’t planning to have another one,” the youngling hid his face in the Jedi Master’s neck, feeling the tears threaten to come back. “Not because Ahsoka was a bad Padawan. She was wonderful” and Anakin felt so non-Jedi at that moment because of the ugly jealousy that grew inside his chest. Ahsoka Tano must have been perfect to be the only Padawan that Master Kenobi wanted in his life.
Obi-Wan was silent for a few more seconds until he spoke again. “I changed from that time to now, little one...” then he felt the older man’s hands gently pushing him away. A hiccup escaped from his mouth before Anakin could stop it. Watching Master Kenobi reject him won’t be easy, but he did anyway. Anakin broke apart just enough to look at Obi-Wan’s face. “My connection with the Force and with the everyone around me... are not the same. So, I believe we will have to learn from each other” Anakin was so lost in the bubble of disappointment and sadness that it took him a while to reason what Master Kenobi said. They will learn from each other?
“Master...?” Small tends of hope grew in his heart, even if Anakin tried to avoid it. When Master Obi-Wan’s hands came to his face, Anakin felt the Force sing in agreement. Right... it’s always felt so right when they are together.
“Teaching a padawan will be a novelty for me now. So, I ask for your patience, dear one.”
For a few seconds, silence reigned in the room. Anakin so surprised that the reaction took a long time to arrive, but when it came he probably flooded all the Archives with his latent happiness in the Force. “I promise I’ll be the best Padawan in the world, Master!” Anakin might have been screaming while hugging Master Kenobi tight, but he didn’t care.
Master Kenobi accepted him as Padawan! He wants to shout this so that every Coruscant, every galaxy can hear him!
He felt the Force signature of Master Kenobi intertwine with his like a warm and soft blanket. His Master (Master Kenobi was HIS Master) seemed happy as he held him in his arms, chuckling and taking him out of that room. “I’m sure you will be, Padawan” Anakin’s heart lost a beat when he heard Obi-Wan call him Padawan. “We need to talk to the Council then.”
Anakin was vibrating in Master Kenobi’s arms and didn’t care that others saw him like this, even though he was already 10 years old. He was Obi-Wan’s Padawan! He could stay on his master’s arms even at the age of 30 and it wouldn’t be anyone business.
“Yes, Master!” Anakin smiled at his Master and saw when an affectionate smile appeared on the lips of the older Jedi. He knew that Master Obi-Wan could not see him smiling as happy as he was, but his Force signature touched Anakin’s as if he could.
Anakin laid his head on his Master’s shoulder and hopefully thought it would be like this forever. Anakin and Obi-Wan. Together.
The Force chanted with the thought as if it agreed.