Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The incessant alarm tune that dragged Kairi awake made her wish she'd never gotten a Gummi phone. Screw all her favourite classic kingdom games, she'd sacrifice ever playing them again if it meant that noise would stop. Her head was throbbing something awful.

When she opened her eyes she was met with a view of lush grass and bright sunlight, which did nothing to aid her headache. The offending device was flashing on the ground beside her, just out of reach. She pushed herself to her knees with a groan and a hand pressed to her head. When she reached out and retrieved her phone she saw its alarm wasn't actually going off. It was Sora, calling their shared chat with Riku. She answered, and Sora's frantic face appeared.

"Sora?"

"KAIRI! Finally! Are you alright? Where are you?" Judging from his wide eyes and his tumbling words, Sora was panicking, and Kairi was struggling to keep up with what he was saying. She blinked at him a few times and he stared anxiously back. "Kairi? Are you OK?"

"Yeah... I think so." He didn't look particularly reassured by this, but she was fairly sure she wasn't hurt. The headache seemed to be fading, along with the fluff in her brain. "Are you?" Sora had a cut across his cheek but looked otherwise unhurt, and she recognised the outside of the Gummi ship behind him, one of its wings extending over his head.

"I'm fine! Where are you?" She glanced around, wondering the same thing. The grass she had woken sprawled on extended out around her, a small glade framed with short cliffs to her left, and a fast-flowing stream running alongside her on her right. A wall carved into a towering rock face stood on the other side of the stream, and as she tilted her head back it extended far above her. She was fairly sure she was at the base of a mountain but, despite the brilliant sunlight bathing the glade she was in, a massive storm hid most of the mountain from view. A swirling mass of dark clouds, whirling as though a tornado was fanning it from within. A flash of lightning snaked across it. 

Olympus mountain. They'd been on their way to the city at its peak in the Gummi ship when the storm had blown in. After that though...

She turned back to Sora, frowning. "What happened? Weren't we flying to Olympus?"

"We were, but this storm came out of nowhere." He turned his phone so she could see the storm clouds racing and rain pelting the ground behind him He must have been sheltering under the ship, and now that the phone was turned the roar of the rain and wind was obvious. As he moved the phone further the camera passed over the ship and she gasped. It was in ruins, one side half torn away and the glass of the cockpit shattered.

"We lost control of the ship." He turned the phone back to his face, looking just as panicked as before. "I crash-landed up here but you guys must have fallen out before then!"

We? 

She took a sharp breath. "Riku!" She was panicking now as well. "Where-"

"He's not picking up his phone either." 

Kairi's chest felt tight. This was bad. Really bad.

"Can you show me where you are?" She turned her phone in a steady circle around her like he had done before. This was her first time in Olympus and they'd only ventured out of Thebes this morning, so everything around her was unfamiliar. Sora had scaled this mountain many times by now though, and knew exactly where she had landed. "Woah, you fell for ages! Are you sure you're OK?" She brought the phone back up to her face and nodded.

"Just a few bumps, you know where I am then?"

"Yep! We're on the same side, you're basically straight below me." 

Kairi felt a spark of relief. With neither of them hurt and at opposite ends of the mountain they could both search for Riku and cover more ground. "OK, how about we head towards each other?"

"Yeah! You head up and I'll head down, he's sure to be somewhere on this side as well, one of us is bound to find him!" 

Kairi gave him a firm nod though and a determined smile. "We'll find him Sora, see you soon."

He pushed his phone into his pocket, rolled his sore shoulder and grimaced. He'd wrenched something pretty badly in there when he was thrown from the ship, or more likely sprained it. Nothing broken though, so he'd been able to mostly fix it up with magic. He had his full range of motion back after casting his spell, but he definitely wasn't going to be hitting at full strength if he had to do any fighting. He might even be better off using his off-hand for the day. It just had to have been his right arm that he landed on, didn't it.

He pulled his hood up before venturing out from the shelter of the ship but quickly realised that had been pointless. He was drenched in seconds. At least he wouldn't have to worry about getting cold though he thought as he broke into a jog. He'd scale this mountain as many times as it took to find the others. He wished this bloody storm would blow itself out though, there was no way they could risk using their gliders in this weather. He'd never seen a storm like this come out of nowhere so fast, not even during typhoon season on the islands, and he had a sneaking suspicion that meant there were titans involved, again.

Dammit, this wasn't meant to be this stressful of a mission! He'd even been looking forward to this! He'd been sleeping badly lately thanks to a bad patch of nightmares, and been feeling on edge thanks to the lack of sleep. Getting out of the castle for a bit often helped him calm down again. A change of pace, seeing friends, some extra time goofing off with Kairi or finding quiet places to spend time with Riku. But nope, this definitely wasn't going to help. He took a running jump onto the branch of a leafless tree and cupped his hands to his mouth.

"RIKU! RIKUUUUU!"

He peered down the cliff face before him, eyes scanning every crevice. No yells came back to him though. Even the echoes of his own voice were swallowed in the wind. A popping sound had him spinning around though and almost slipping from the wet branch. He cursed as a smattering of Heartless archers materialised the air before him, before launching into an attack.

They'd thought it was just going to be irksome little heartless, like these ones, on the move again that they'd have to deal with, but nope, looked like Hades and his titans had decided to get involved as well. If they were lucky Zeus and Hercules would be on the case as well by now. But they hadn't had a lot of luck that day, had they. He dealt with the heartless quickly and without a second thought, but he didn't feel any relief or accomplishment. His shoulder twinged and as he continued running down the path, hoping no more time-wasting heartless would show up.

It was insane that less than an hour ago he and Riku had been happily chatting on the ship, keeping their voices low so they didn't disturb Kairi. She'd dozed off in her chair pretty soon after they took off and they were determined not to wake her. 

Aqua had spoken to him and Riku before they left that morning, pulling them aside and asking them to be extra watchful over Kairi on their trip. She had been overtraining so much that Aqua had considered pulling rank and forcing her to stay behind. But she'd thought better of it. Kairi had been told to stay behind too many times before and, whether she listened or not, Aqua thought doing so again would do more harm than good. Maybe a mission would help Kairi's confidence. It might help convince her she was actually doing well and didn't need to keep pushing herself so hard... 

It had been so long since she had given herself a break, no matter how much Aqua encouraged her to. Kairi's determination had always been something Aqua admired about her apprentice but after the awful incident in Corona, that determination had morphed into dangerous obsession. The trauma of coming so close to losing Sora yet again had triggered something in her, and now, three months later, Kairi was still pushing herself too hard. She was close to burning herself out and Aqua was at a loss for how to prevent it. So instead of ordering Kairi to stay behind, she'd confided her worries in Riku and Sora, and they had taken her words to heart as much as she'd expected they would. 

Sora had whined that he didn't want to ride their gliders to Olympus, wanting to fly the Gummi ship instead, and he and Riku had been pleased when Kairi didn't argue. He wondered now if they would have been better or worse off on their gliders in the storm. He felt a twist of guilt in his gut. If Kairi got hurt he'd be furious with himself for not protecting her. Aqua had trusted them to watch Kairi's back, and now here they were. Separated, Kairi alone and in danger if she ran into trouble, and Riku... 

They had no idea where he was, if he was hurt, if he was even-

His heart thumped uncomfortably in his throat and he felt the all too familiar sense of his chest constricting and the impending sense of doom.

No no no, not right now.

He screeched to a halt and clutched his head in his hands. He couldn't freak out right now, the others needed him, he had to stop it. Pull it together, you can do this. The panic had hit him like a train, so sudden he never could have predicted it and no, no, he couldn't do this right now.

The amount of effort it took was painful, but he forced himself to suck in a slow breath, counting the way Aqua had taught him.

Hold it, count. Breathe out, count. Breathe in, hold, count.

It took a minute or so of standing still, but it held off the anxiety attack, so it was a minute well spent. He considered pulling out his Gummi phone and trying to call Riku again but resisted. He'd wasted too much time listening to a dialling tone already. Staring at a phone screen begging Riku to answer wasn't going to help anyone right now. Letting out one final, long breath he straightened up, and pushed on.

The first sensation he became conscious of was how little air there was in his lungs. Then came the crushing weight on his side, hips, and legs, and a sharp pain in his shoulder. There was water trickling down his face, and the ground beneath his cheek was harsh and rough. The final thing he noticed was the tune of a phone, ringing out over the sound of wind and rain. He opened his eyes and was horrified to find himself pinned down. When he'd fallen from the ship not only had he crashed against hard ground, but it seemed like he'd set off a rock slide of some sort as well, and now he was covered from the waist down in rocks. 

That explains a lot, he thought to himself as he groaned and tried to roll from his side onto his back. He couldn't move though. The rocks had wedged him completely in place. An awful pain shot through his back, down his hips and left leg when he tried to move them, as stones scratched his skin and a particularly sharp one dug into his lower back. He could move his hands and feet though, and still feel all his limbs which was a good sign, even if he would've prefered not to feel the pain in them right now. Nothing seemed broken, but the weight on his chest was squashing his lungs. He felt breathless, and sucking in the air was a great effort. It was an awful, panic-inducing feeling, but he tried to keep his breaths as measured as possible. 

His arms were still free and he tried, without much expectation of success, to push away some of the stones. They were huge though, each wedged tightly against each other, and he felt terribly weak. His shoulder stung again as he heaved at the stones and he raised a hand to it. His fingers came away bloody. Maybe it wasn't just lack of air that had drained away his strength. He definitely wasn't getting out of here by himself. The place he had landed looked to be part of a pathway up the mountain, a ledge extending out, with a sheer cliff-face above him. He couldn't see the others anywhere.

"Sora! Kairi!"

His yell was closer to a wheeze, and the effort of it left him dizzy. Shit. He really was in trouble. He hoped the two of them hadn't found themselves in similar situations. He felt a flash of panic. What if they were even worse off than he was? Maybe this wasn't the only rockslide that had happened, or maybe the storm had swept them far away, dashing them against the rocks, or sending them tumbling into a ravine. What little air there had been in his lungs before was disappearing.

He closed his eyes, focussing on refilling them again. He had to stay focused, he couldn't help them like this. All that mattered right now was getting free. He jerked his eyes open as his phone's ringtone sounded again. He'd completely forgotten it. He turned to the noise and the flicker of hope he'd felt waned at once when he saw the phone lying on the ground, much too far away. He reached out for it anyway, straining against the rocks holding him in place, trying to drag himself out from underneath them.

It was hopeless though. He tried to summon his Keyblade. If he could just reach a little further, and knock the phone towards him with the weapon then he'd have it. But the blade refused to appear. He didn't have the strength to summon it and the effort of trying was draining the little he had left. He couldn't get enough air, chest on fire again, and his head was spinning.

He stopped and let his hand fall to the ground, closing his eyes and focussing on heaving as much air into his lungs as he could with the weight on his side. Dammit, it hurt. It was useless to try but he was desperate for air and, by reflex, he started shoving at the rock on top of his lungs, pounding it with his fist when it wouldn't move. Then he stopped dead, as a rumble sounded above him. He looked up and through the haze of hypoxia and rain, he saw shifting shapes on the cliff face. Pebbles skittered down the rocks onto the ground around him and, as the rumbling grew louder, something burst out of the mountain. Something massive. 

He didn't have a chance to figure out what it was though, because boulders were thundering down towards him. He wrapped his arms around his head, and everything went dark.

They'd agreed to check in after half an hour of searching if they didn't run into each other or find Riku in that time, so Kairi left her phone in her pocket. They needed to focus on searching, rather than more anxious calls right now. She wished the phone would ring though. 

The path up the mountain branched off often and involved scaling far more vertical surfaces than Kairi would have liked. Her legs had been sore and tired before they even left that morning, and now she was regretting that extra hour of training she'd done the day before. Aqua had been urging her to take a day off for weeks and now, for the first time, Kairi was regretting not listening to her. She didn't want to let up her pace, no matter how much her legs were screaming at her, but she wasn't sure if she'd have much choice if she didn't find Sora or Riku soon. 

Her foot met an unexpected patch of scree as she ran up a steep slope and she tripped. She started skidding backwards but managed to summon her Keyblade just in time to slam it into the rock and stop herself from falling back. She gave a frustrated huff as she got her footing again. Maybe she would be making fewer mistakes like that if she wasn't so tired. She couldn't even get working hard right...

Most people would be surprised to learn that Kairi didn't actually like fighting all that much. Anyone who'd watched her train would be forgiven for thinking the opposite was true. Despite how hard she worked, and her eagerness to accompany her friends on missions, in an ideal world she never would have wanted to be a Keyblade wielder.

She'd felt left out at times back on the islands, when her friends would play-fight or sometimes fight for real. But, in all honesty, she was happier as a spectator. As someone who encouraged the others and took happiness from their enjoyment of the competition. She didn't like fighting with them though. She didn't like getting hurt, and she didn't like hurting others. Even now, when those others were heartless or other dangerous creatures that thrived on inflicting pain, causing suffering wasn't something she relished.

It wasn't enjoyment or a desire to test her strength that drove her every day when she picked up her Keyblade and ran herself into the ground training. She wanted to be strong. She wanted it more than anything, because what if the next time someone faded from this world because of her they didn't come back? They'd barely been in time to rescue Sora after he was trapped in Quadratum. He'd barely made it out alive. What if next time they didn't arrive in time? If she couldn't protect herself and her friends, then maybe someone would get hurt again one day. She refused to let her own weakness be the cause of that. 

At least she was strong enough to get through the small groups of Heartless she ran into on her way up the mountain she thought bitterly as she dispatched yet another cluster of Shadows. It didn't mean they weren't slowing her down though.

As the last one faded away she dropped her hands to her knees, winded from the fight. She took a few moments to catch her breath and down a Potion, hoping it would give her enough of a boost so she could move a little faster. She dropped the empty bottle in surprise as a boom rang out from above her and, as she jerked her head up, she saw rocks emerging from the clouds above her. They fell a ways to her left, crashing down over the cliffs and pathways towards the river below. She gulped. That was a bad sign. Changing course, she made for the point in the clouds the stones had fallen from, heading straight towards the source of the sound.

The further down the mountain Sora ventured the weaker the storm became. If only it would let up enough for him to glide out and over the cliffs. He could have surveyed the whole area in less than a minute, but it seemed he'd be stuck taking the slow way down until they found Riku. It would have been easy for him to just skid down the slopes to the bottom, but if he did he was sure to miss any signs of the others. He climbed to the top of another rocky outcrop and called out again.

"RIKU! ANSWER ME!"

Until now the only responses to his yells had been echoes distorted by the rain, but this time a very different sound rang out and his stomach lurched. It wasn't Riku calling back. It was a deep rumble, one that made the ground beneath him quake. It was followed by the crashing of rock on rock from below and to his left, and a sound that made Sora want to be sick. A faint yell of shock, and pain. He sprinted down the path he'd been following, hoping desperately that it both was and wasn't Riku who had cried out. He screeched around a bend, and then to a halt at the edge of a cliff, as the path he'd been following abruptly ended. It looked like it had been taken out by a rockslide and when he glanced down he saw why.

The rock titan was back. Just 30 feet below him it was lumbering along a large ledge towards a pile of rocks, the result of the rockslide presumably. Sora frowned and squinted. There was something small at the foot of the rocks. Brightly coloured, it stood out starkly against the ground. A phone, lying just out of reach of the hand poking out from between the stones.

Chapter Text

He barely had time to register he was moving before he was slamming his Keyblade against one of the titan's two heads and then launching himself down again towards the hand he was sure belonged to Riku. Behind him the titan staggered and gave a roar but Sora ignored it, skidding to a stop and peering between the stones littering the path. "Riku? Riku!" 

There. A tuft of silvery hair, and the yellow and blue of his jacket. It was him. Before Sora could reach out for him though the titan roared again and he was forced to turn back to it. He ran straight for its weak spot, the squat legs holding up such an enormous weight. He let out a roar of his own as he smashed his weapon against it. He just had to get this bastard out of the way long enough to free Riku and then they could get out of here. Screw defeating this thing right now, they needed to get to safety. Even with his injured arm a few more strikes were all it took for the rock titan to lift its leg a little too far, desperate to get away from the barrage, and with an almighty crash it fell onto its back. Sora spun away and dashed for the heap of boulders trapping Riku.

"Riku! Hey!"

He skidded to a stop where he could glimpse Riku's hair and his hand reaching out through the smallest of gaps. It really was a miracle he'd spotted him and Sora couldn't bear to think what might have happened if he hadn't noticed the phone on the path. He cast a gravity spell and managed to lift the rocks directly over Riku away. He tossed them aside unceremoniously, turned back to Riku, and froze.

Riku wasn't moving.

There was blood running down the side of his face, trailing across his throat and he wasn't moving. 

His eyes were closed and he wasn't moving.

Dead was Sora's only thought.

It looked just like last time, last time when he was staring down at Riku's corpse, blood gushing from his clawed-out throat onto the pavement below, glistening under streetlights.

Sora stumbled back, feet slipping on the wet road in the city where he had seen each and every one of them die. Seen them die at his hands. Seen Kairi fall and Riku-

Something slammed into his side and the scene of Quadratum was wiped away as his vision turned briefly white. He sailed through the air for a second, before tumbling across harsh rocky ground and coming to a sudden stop as his back smacked against more stone. He shook his head, trying to refocus and forced his eyes open again. The titan was looming over him. There was no air left in his lungs, it had been knocked out of him by the monster's fist, and his whole body was quaking. The attack had stunned him. He couldn't get to his feet, and the titan was raising its arm, ready to deal one final blow.

As the titan brought its fist down Sora closed his eyes.

But the pain never came. Instead, a bright light shone through his lids and he heard a thump. Cracking his eyes open, he found himself encased in a shield made of light. A barrier spell. There were cracks scattered across it from where the attack must have struck but it had held, and beyond it, he saw the titan teetering back from the rebound. A moment later the barrier collapsed around him, its job done, and his best friend was standing between him and the beast, her back to him and Keyblade raised.

"Kairi..."

He was so short of breath he could barely wheeze her name. She wouldn't have heard him anyway, as she was already charging forward, making use of the titan's loss of balance. She leapt and struck its chest. It stumbled back a little further but righted itself before it reached the cliff edge. She dealt it another blow but, though it left cracks on the creature's chest, it seemed to do little to push it back or knock it down. Sora wished more than anything he could help her right now. With his hands pressed to the rock behind him, he tried to get to his feet, but his knees still refused to hold him up.

Seeing how unbothered the titan was by her attacks, Kairi changed tactics. She dashed back a few extra feet, aimed for the monster's foot, and sent a streak of ice magic straight for it. The titan had been about to charge, but it faltered as one of its feet was suddenly bound to the ground, and Kairi shot forward. Putting all the strength she had left into the attack, she swept her weapon in a clean arc and shattered the titan's ankle.

It gave a roar of what might have been pain, as its leg crumpled beneath it. It fell back. A moment later it was disappearing from view, tumbling over the ledge.

Kairi took a few seconds to catch her breath, before turning back and gasping to Sora. "Are you alright?!"

He couldn't answer. All he could do was raise a hand and point as he struggled to his feet. "Riku..."

Kairi spun and was sprinting to the heap of rocks and bloodied form at their base at once. Sora followed on wobbling legs, afraid of what they were about to see. Kairi skidded to the ground at Riku's side when she reached him, and surveyed the damage. He was bleeding from a gash in his shoulder and a much deeper one on his arm, and his face was ashen beneath the wet hair plastered to it. 

Sora reached them just as Kairi raised her Keyblade again. "Heal!" The flowers of a powerful spell bloomed into the air surrounding Riku. As the green glow settled over him, Sora held his breath. 

When the light faded Riku groaned, and his eyelids flickered. He was alive

It was as though Sora's mind came back to life with him. He was by his side at once, dropping down beside Kairi and placing a hand on Riku's cheek. His skin was cold against Sora's palm. "Riku? Can you hear me?" Riku's eyes fluttered a few more times before he managed to drag them open. He blinked up at them, then smiled. 

"Took you guys long enough..." Kairi sighed with relief while Sora gave an incredulous laugh and dropped his face to Riku's, pressing a hasty kiss to his lips and their foreheads together. Riku felt warm tears on his brow along with the cold rain and raised a hand to pat Sora's shoulder. "It's alright, I'm OK," he murmured. 

"Do you think anything's broken?" Kairi asked as Sora sat back up, glancing pointedly at Riku's legs "We shouldn't move you if there might be." Riku wiggled his feet to check.

"Nah," he sighed, and carefully rolled onto his back. The movement sent the world spinning though, and he scrunched his eyes shut, trying to stop it moving so much. Even with the weight gone from his chest his ability to breathe fully restored, he felt terrible. His body ached and felt weak and far too cold. As much as Sora and Kairi would have liked to take some more time to gather themselves, they weren't out of the woods yet. They were all shivering by now, clothes completely soaked through, and though Riku's wounds had stopped bleeding pain was still clear in the tense lines of his brow. Walking anywhere was definitely not going to be an option for him.

"The camping gear was in the Gummi ship," Sora said, at the same time slipping his jacket off so he could fold it up and tuck it beneath Riku's head. "I'll go back and grab it, you guys stay here." Kairi gave him a panicked look.

"But what if that thing comes back?"

"Hmm..." It was possible, and who knew if the other titans were prowling these mountains. But they didn't have much choice. "We'll have to risk it, the ship's not too far." Kairi didn't seem convinced by this so he tried to smile at her. "Anyway you're strong, you took care of that guy easy! I know you'll be fine."  His grin may have been forced, but his words weren't, and Riku cracked open his eyes, smiled at her, and made a small sound of agreement. Her eyes widened in surprise. Then she smiled at them both and gave Sora a nod.

"OK, hurry though!"

Sora beamed at her. "Right!" He gave Riku's hand a quick squeeze, and was off.

Kairi watched him go, anxiety still hot in her chest. A cold hand closed around hers and she looked back to find Riku smiling at her. He didn't say anything, too tired to think of anything that might be particularly helpful, but his firm grip brought Kairi some comfort. She wrapped both her hands around his, and did her best to smile instead of cry.

Sora couldn't sleep. Even now, with the three of them curled up in the tent together, the roaring of the storm gone, and the sound of Riku's steady breaths beside him, he couldn't sleep. It had taken them all a good hour or so to warm up, but Sora's shaking never entirely stopped. At least it felt as though it hadn't. He seemed to be lying still, but a horrible tingling had taken root beneath his skin and wouldn't let him go. It had been there ever since he got back from the ship with the tent. 

He'd tried to be fast, but by the time he'd returned Riku's skin was like ice. His lips had turned a faint shade of purple, and he seemed to be fading in and out of consciousness, never entirely sure of his surroundings. They'd set up their tent and huddled inside, Sora hugging Riku close to try and share heat as Kairi riffled through their supplies for more curatives and snacks to tide them over until they could next get a proper meal. It was going to be a long night. 

Eventually though, they had Riku patched up and warm, and for the first time since the storm hit, they could all breathe easily. Riku was particularly glad to have full use of his lungs back. He and Kairi had fallen asleep almost at once, but Sora just couldn't relax. The storm blew itself out sometime after midnight and, still feeling too twitchy to sleep, he carefully extricated himself from Riku's arms, and crept out of the tent.

Even with the rain and wind gone, it was a chilly night, and Sora found himself appreciating the bite in the air. The chill felt nice against his skin, though it couldn't calm the crawling sensation beneath it. He took a long breath of cold, clear mountain air, trying to ground himself in the current moment. Because in this moment they were all safe and together. In this moment he should feel OK again. His mind shouldn't be stuck in that moment when he saw Riku crumpled and bleeding on the ground.

Resolutely keeping his gaze away from the heap of stones nearby, he moved away and sat down on the edge of the cliff. It was a beautifully clear night now. He suspected the storm meant other titans had been on the prowl further up the mountain, maybe as high as Olympus itself, and the fact that it was gone meant Hercules and the gods had dealt with the creatures. He hoped none of them had been injured as well.

Another deep breath. Don't think about that right now.

He stared out at the night sky, trying to pick out constellations. The stars were almost as bright here as they were back in the Land of Departure. He wished they were back there right now. As much as he wanted them to, the stars weren't enough to distract him from his memories.

His eyes began stinging and he dropped his head into his hands, clenching it tightly and tugging at his hair. How could he have frozen up like that? He'd panicked, lost his cool, and left Riku completely unprotected because his own stupid brain wouldn't let him forget. If Kairi hadn't shown up in time he'd almost certainly be dead right now, and Riku might have been as well. Why couldn't he get past this? 

A sob escaped him and he curled into himself, bringing his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and pressing his forehead into them, trying to hold himself together but he was crying in earnest now. He'd been trying to keep it together for the others' sakes, running on adrenaline since the battle ended, but he just couldn't anymore. Why was he like this? It had been almost three years since that night and still it was haunting him. Still, he couldn't be strong. He'd thought he'd gotten better, but no. No, he hadn't. Maybe he never would. And now he couldn't breathe.

He wasn't sure how long he cried before he heard someone softly calling his voice.

"Sora?"

He jolted away as he felt an unexpected weight on his back. He whirled around to find Kairi crouching at his side looking deeply concerned, and with one hand reaching hesitantly towards him. He turned away from her, wanting to hide his face before she could see how distraught he was. It was pointless though. She'd probably woken to the sound of his choked sobs and known what must be happening at once.

She sat down beside him and carefully placed a hand on his knee. He didn't move away this time, but still wouldn't turn back. Instead, he scrubbed the back of his glove across his face, and his breaths became even shakier as he tried to gather enough air into his lungs to speak, to tell her he was fine, he was just being stupid, he was fine, the tears would stop soon and he would be his usual self again because things were fine now. They had to be fine. They had to be because if they weren't then Riku was dying and he was going to lose him. He was going to lose him. He was going to watch him die again with blood running down his throat. He was going to lose Riku. Or if he didn't this time then next time he would. Next time they wouldn't be in time and Riku would-

Kairi's arms wrapped around him and he stopped trying to hold it back. He let her pull him close, and pressed his face into her shoulder as he cried.

Kairi had seen him in these moments before, sat with him and hugged him as he worked through the terror and the flashbacks and the physical pain they brought with them. She knew the thing he needed most in these times was someone to hold him and for him to hold on to, at least until the tears slowed enough for him to breathe. It had been a long time since he'd had a panic attack. She'd almost forgotten how awful they were.

It would pass though. They always did. They left destruction and exhaustion in their wake, but they would always pass. It took time, but this one passed like all the others, and afterwards, they sat leant against each other, staring back out at the stars. 

"Me, Donald, and Goofy are up there somewhere." He gestured at the sky vaguely, not sure where that particular constellation was. "Like Herc and all the other great heroes." Kairi giggled.

"Show off." Sora joined in with her laughing, and she gave his hand a squeeze so he knew she was kidding. He didn't feel much like a hero who deserved to be represented in the stars though.

"I used to be up there at least, not sure if screw-ups like me get to stay up there."

Kairi leant away so she could turn and give him a puzzled look. "Of course you're still up there, you're not a screw-up Sora."

"I screwed up today. I thought I was back there for a moment and I just... panicked." He dropped his gaze to his knees, and Kairi's shoulders slumped. She knew without asking what he meant by back there. "I was useless, if I'm going to lose it every time something reminds me of what happened then I'm just useless!" He took a sharp breath, determined not to start crying again. His eyes looked empty and Kairi hated how familiar that look was to her. Feeling useless was something she could definitely relate to.

"You're not useless Sora," She told him firmly. "That hardly ever happens to you anymore, and after what happened it's amazing it doesn't happen all the time." She squeezed his hand again, trying to get him to listen. "You've done so well Sora." He turned to her and she smiled. "You're as much of a hero now as you were before." It took a few moments, but eventually, Sora smiled back at her, and a tiny bit of life returned to his eyes. Then he frowned as Kairi's smile faded, and she looked down at the ground instead.

"If anyone's useless it's me."

"What?" Sora sounded truly dumbstruck and Kairi almost laughed at him.

"It's just... After all this time I thought I would have been better by now. I've been trying so hard and it feels like I'm still so far behind everyone." She shook her head, ignoring Sora's shocked and sputtered disagreements. "It doesn't seem to matter how hard I try, I'm still just useless at this..." 

They sat in silence for several long seconds. Then Kairi felt knuckles knocking on the top of her head. "Ow, hey!" She reached up and rubbed her head where Sora had been tapping it, affronted even though it hadn't hurt. He was staring at her as though he thought she'd lost her mind. "What'd you do that for?"

"Checking if your brain's still there." She glared at him but he just kept giving her the same incredulous look. "Did you somehow forget what just happened? You saved me and Riku you dumbass, are you saying that was a useless thing to do?"

"No!"

"Was it useless of you to take out that titan?"

"I- No, I guess-"

"See! Not useless at all." He gave her a smug look. "You're not weak Kairi, you're strong."

She opened her mouth to respond, then closed it when she realised she didn't know what to say. Sora's smug smile softened. "Riku and I had a big head start on you and you've already caught up with us. You're not weak, or useless at all, so don't say that anymore! OK?" She hesitated, but Sora was giving her that look of his that meant he absolutely was not going to let this go. She sighed.

"OK, fine then." He grinned, very pleased with himself, but then Kairi put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "I won't say it, as long as you don't say it about yourself either, deal?" He chuckled.

"Alright then." Kairi narrowed her eyes suspiciously and raised a finger to point at his face.

"Promise?"

He grinned and nodded. "I promise." Satisfied, Kairi dropped her hand, and Sora was relieved she'd stopped glowering at him. He looked away and scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "Sorry about... you know. Thanks for looking after me, and for earlier." 

She shook her head and pulled him into a hug. "Don't mention it, Sora."

Sora fell asleep quickly after they returned to the tent; the panic attacks always left him drained. Kairi didn't lie down immediately though. She sat up in her sleeping bag, listening to the others' quiet breathing, and smiling to herself.

Tomorrow they would all wake up a little worse for wear, Riku far more so than Sora and her, but they would all wake up. They would be OK. They would have survived yet again. She wished that wasn't something she had to be thankful for, but she was thankful all the same. She hated to think what would have happened if she hadn't reached them in time. If she hadn't then maybe it would have only been her heading home the next morning.

She shuddered at the thought as she watched the two boys sleeping peacefully. The thought of losing them was like a shard of ice in her heart. At the same time though, something warm was glowing in her chest. A small glimmer of pride. Without her, they might not have made it out alive. She'd protected them. She had been the one to do that. Sora was right, all that work hadn't been for nothing. 

She would keep getting stronger, for their sake. Then maybe, one day, they wouldn't have to be strong like this anymore. They could put a stop to all these problems. Maybe one day the three of them would be able to leave all this behind, never having to worry about fighting for their lives again. She hoped that day would come soon. Until then though, she would keep training. She would be strong for them, and all her friends.