Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“No way. I refuse. I’d rather dance with a snake than with him.”

A tall guy in baggy workout clothes stood in the training hall, arms crossed over his chest, glaring menacingly at his manager. His posture expressed complete dissatisfaction with the situation.

“Listen, Rin, I understand that you’re not on very good terms with your brother...” the manager began to say but was interrupted by an even colder voice from the dancer.

“Exactly, I’m not just on bad terms with Sae; I’m on the worst terms with him. And if you tell me I have to do this for the fans, then I’m even less agreeable. I love our fans, but they know perfectly well that the Itoshi brothers are not on good terms. So if we go out and dance together at the New Year’s festival, they’ll all think we’ve reconciled. Do I need that? I don’t need that. I’m not ready to ruin the group’s reputation after I accidentally give my brother the finger in public after a ‘reconciliation’ dance.”

While the guy was giving his monologue, four other guys entered the dance hall. They were all dressed in their usual street clothes, which they typically trained in.

“What’s all the fuss about?” Asked one of the guys, walking with his hands behind his head and blowing a pink bubble with his gum. He was completely relaxed and looked mockingly first at the manager, then at his bandmate. “Rin-chan, what have you done this time?”

Rin snorted. “Why is it always me? It’s all Loki and his dumb suggestions,” he rolled his eyes, turning to the side to grab his water bottle.

“Loki-san, what happened?” The youngest member of the group asked in surprise. His eyes showed genuine concern.

“As they say, better to cut five times and measure once,” said another member of the group, adjusting his glasses with a smart look.

“No one says that,” Shido laughs, placing one hand on his hip and leaning on one leg. “Well, Loki? What happened?”

The manager, Loki, rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily.

“The U-20 group’s company proposed a Christmas collab at the annual winter festival and suggested using Rin as one of the most popular members of our group for this collab. But Rin got stubborn when he found out who their company suggested for the collab,” Loki pursed his lips.

By this time, the other members had started warming up while Rin slowly drank water off to the side.

“Let me guess: the famous Itoshi Sae?” Shido smirked mockingly, popping another bubble. Loki nodded. “Hah! I don’t understand what you expected. We always try not to mention his name in conversation, yet you outright asked Rin about a collab with him.”

“I’m not so dumb that I don’t know that,” Loki clicked his tongue, “but the festival is in a month. I don’t know who Sae will agree to work with for this collab because I haven’t spoken to him personally, but I know that a collab with him will boost the group’s popularity and the company’s shares quite a bit.”

Shido made a thoughtful face, scratching his chin, then looked playfully at Loki and snapped his fingers.

“How about me?”

“What?”

At this moment, all the members froze in place and looked in surprise at the leader and the manager.

“Well, my popularity is just as high as Rin-chan’s. Plus, I can use my charisma to help Sae open up. With his cold demeanour, he scares off any idols who come within five meters of him. If you’re worried about communicating with him, you know my sociability. I can get anyone to talk. How about that?”

“Sometimes it scares me when Ryusei-san gets serious...” whispered Nanase, who was helping Charles with his stretching.

“Me too,” Charles whispered back, yelping when his stretching partner pressed a bit too hard.

Loki looked at Shido thoughtfully for a long time, apparently calculating the losses in case of failure. Eventually, his face relaxed, and he just sighed loudly.

“Alright. I’ll contact their manager and inform them of the changes. When would it be convenient for you to have the rehearsal?”

Shido’s face lit up with a broad smile.

“I can do tomorrow.”

Loki nodded and, wishing them a good rehearsal, left.

Rin approached the leader.

“You’ve signed your own death warrant.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll get through this,” Shido patted his bandmate on the shoulder, then turned to the others. “Today’s training plan is to work on synchronisation for the last comeback because that’s the song we’ll be performing at the winter festival. Then Rin-chan will show us the dance we need to learn today. Let’s get to work.”

Shido clapped his hands and, turning on the music, began warming up his muscles, thinking about what kind of dance would be cool to perform with one of the top dancers of their generation of idols.

***

When Shido came to the training hall the next day, a guy was already sitting on a chair next to the media centre. Even in simple clothes, he managed to look like a model. His coral-pink hair was slightly tousled, and he was wearing an oversized light T-shirt and black satin pants. Completely relaxed, he was scrolling through his phone with the most bored expression, and when Shido entered the room, he didn’t even flinch.

“You’re a minute and forty-seven seconds late,” the guy said in an even voice without looking up.

Shido, who was about to greet him, froze in place, holding an energy drink he had bought two minutes earlier. The next moment, a relaxed smirk appeared on his face, and he took a sip from the can.

“Sorry, Your Highness, for such a blunder from your subject,” Shido joked with a bow, “Or is it Your Majesty?”

Sae raised his eyes and raised an eyebrow sceptically, slightly wrinkling his nose as Shido took another sip of the energy drink and finished the can in one go before walking over to the trash can to throw it away.

Shido, hands in his pockets, approached Sae’s chair and flopped down on the sofa next to it, sliding down a bit from exhaustion.

“Oh, by the way,” he suddenly perked up, pulling something out of his pocket. “In some interview, you said you couldn’t resist this brand of cookies, even though they are only sold in a few stores in Tokyo and you can’t always get them. So here you go.”

Sae frowned, looking at the offered snack, then transferred his distrustful gaze to the blond.

“I could have lied.”

“I don’t think you could remember that lie, since you mentioned these cookies several times on different shows, years apart,” Shido shrugged. “Don’t look at me like I’m giving you poison. I just wanted to do something nice.”

Sae slowly took the treat from his hands, still watching the guy warily, and began to unwrap it just as slowly.

“Okay,” Shido leaned back on the sofa, crossing his legs butterfly-style and clapping his hands. “Before we start anything, I should probably introduce myself. I’m Shido Ryusei, leader of P.X.G., as well as producer and composer. I hope we can work well together.”

The blond extended his hand for a handshake, and Sae looked at it as if it were the most disgusting thing on the planet. He wiped the crumbs from his mouth, brushed off his hands, and only touched the other’s fingers, lightly squeezing them without fully shaking his hand.

“Itoshi Sae. Lead dancer and choreographer of U-20. I assume you’ve learned the rest from watching interviews with me.”

Shido rested his elbow on the armrest of the sofa and put his face in his hand, looking at Sae with an unreadable expression and a smile.

“Interviews are only interesting when there’s no persona you have to play,” Shido shrugged. “But enough about you. I have an amazing idea for a performance, but I don’t know if you’ll agree.”

“I don’t care what I dance.”

“Good. In that case, we’ll dance ‘Trouble Maker’. I don’t think such a simple dance will be difficult for a professional dancer like you. Agreed?”

Sae squinted slightly as if realising that the guy was challenging him, and surprisingly, it worked.

“Agreed. Is it a duet?”

Shido smiled sweetly, chuckling.

“Yes. It’s a dance for a guy and a girl, but we can perform it in our own style. Do you know it?”

“I have never heard of it, to be honest, and I probably haven’t watched it,” Sae shook his head.

Shido got up from the sofa to go to the T.V. and turned it on to show the guy the dance performance. He found the performance by Hyuna and Hyunseung on YouTube, already anticipating Sae’s imminent refusal of this idea, and sat back on the sofa, watching the pink-haired man’s reaction out of the corner of his eye.

Throughout the entire performance, Sae’s face showed no emotion, and Shido didn’t know what to expect from him. He was already mentally preparing for the door to close from the other side in the next minute after the song ended, leaving him alone in the hall. In an hour, an enraged Loki would rush in and smack him on the head with the folder he always carried aro—

“I won’t dance in heels just so you know,” Sae said right after the performance ended, and Shido’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Wait, are you serious?” Shido covered his mouth with his hand and received a disdainful look in response.

“So you wanted me to wear damn women’s shoes?” Sae spat out.

“No, wait, that’s not what I meant,” Shido shook his head immediately. “I mean the performance. Are you...okay with it? I mean, are you really okay with it?”

“I’m starting to doubt your mental abilities,” sighed the dancer. “I said I’m okay with it. What’s not clear? The dance is quite easy to learn, and it can be mastered in the short time we have. With your build, there’s no way you could dance like the girl, so I’ll be dancing her part. It’s not hard for me. You’re also taller than me, so the guy’s part would go to you anyway. I suggest we learn our parts separately up to the break today so we can start working together next week. Any objections?”

“None at all,” Shido smiled happily, jumping to his feet. “Thank you, Sae!”

Sae looked suspiciously at the blond, who was clearly more enthusiastic than necessary, and, ignoring it, walked to the centre of the hall to start warming up.

“And call me Itoshi. Only.”

Sae then began to think about how to replace all the moments in the dance where there were too many touches.

At the end of the training session, Shido stretched up, feeling his vertebrae crackle in his back, and made a quiet sound of pain because something had clearly pinched accidentally. Sae took a bottle of water, sipped a little, and wiped the sweat from his forehead. The dance was simple but still required practice.

“My manager will inform you about my schedule, and you can choose when we can practice,” Sae said, putting on his coat.

“Wouldn’t it be easier for you to give me your contact information?” Shido raised an eyebrow sceptically.

“No, it wouldn’t. I don’t give my number to people I don’t plan to communicate with in the long term,” Sae smirked, slinging his bag over his shoulder and putting his phone inside. “See you.”

He left the hall, leaving behind only the floral trail of his cologne, and Shido thought it would definitely not be easy.

This was confirmed when, out of the proposed schedule options, there were only two days when the blond had solo appointments that he couldn’t cancel. The only thing he could do was try to finish early and rush to the training hall. He couldn’t even notify Sae about it. Why? Because he refused to give him his contact information. Great.

“You keep breaking your own records. Being forty-two minutes and five seconds late takes some skill, for sure,” Sae said, standing in the middle of the hall, warming up, and looking at the out-of-breath Shido, who still had makeup on from the photoshoot, and the only things he had consumed all day were coffee and a couple of protein bars.

Shido collapsed on the floor and pressed his forehead to the cool surface.

“Just shut up. I tried to be as little late as possible,” he said through his heavy breathing.

“Weren’t the schedule options I gave you suitable?” Sae smirked. “You could’ve picked another day.”

“Are you kidding me?” Shido stood up and began taking off his outer clothing. He pulled a banana out of his bag and, while putting on his sneakers, tried to eat it quickly. “You’re not the only one with a busy schedule. If you thought I could completely fit into your timetable, you’re greatly mistaken. I just had an eight-hour photoshoot on the other side of Tokyo, and on the other day you mentioned, I’m busy almost all day first solo, then with the group. Maybe next time you could try discussing your free time with me, huh?”

“I don’t want to,” Sae shrugged, rotating his head in circles. “I’m not going to adjust to anyone. If something doesn’t suit you, you can always decline.”

“Damn, you and Rin are both impossible. It’s obvious you’re brothers,” Shido snorted, tossing the banana peel into the trash. “You never want to try putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. All you do is think about yourselves,” Sae raised an eyebrow, squinting at the blond, who just sighed heavily. “Forget it. These are intergroup conflicts, and I accidentally dragged you into them. Sorry. I’ll think of something for the next rehearsal. Though I’m sure you don’t need an apology. Let’s move on. The sooner we start, the sooner we finish.”

When he talked about the quickness of the training, he didn’t expect it to be this short. And it wasn’t even because of the blond’s fatigue.

It all started when Shido tried to simply place his hand on Sae’s lower back during one of the moves and felt the dancer’s body tense up. This continued with subsequent moves where Sae’s role required numerous touches of Shido’s body, but he did it without actually touching, sometimes reluctantly and quite lazily. Very strange. When they danced separately, everything was fine. The blond couldn’t imagine this dance without minimal physical contact because the entire dance was built on partner interaction.

Shido respected everyone’s personal space, so even in moments when he was supposed to take Sae’s hand and get close to his face, he tried to do it without touching. But all the charm of the dance was lost.

“I suggest we call it a day,” Shido sighed hopelessly, covering his face with his hands and squatting down. Usually, he needed feedback from the other dancers to feel the motivation to do something together, but with Sae, he couldn’t because he was afraid to allow himself more than what was currently happening.

“As you wish,” Sae replied indifferently, grabbing his towel.

Something needs to be done about this, Shido thought, biting his lips nervously.

The pink-haired guy was about to leave, but he was stopped by a voice.

“Itoshi.”

Sae turned at the call, and Shido stood up from his squat.

“You’re uncomfortable with me,” Shido stated rather than asked. “And I don’t want it to be like that. You can’t even touch me. I don’t know if it’s a dislike of physical contact or a dislike of me, but this won’t work. How about we spend some time together, and get to know each other better? If you have time, of course.”

“No,” Sae cut him off coldly, making the blond flinch. “I don’t have time. See you.”

He left, slamming the door loudly.

Shido could only laugh nervously, thinking about what he should do. He had zero ideas on how to get Itoshi Sae, the cold-blooded prince, to open up even a little for a more...emotional dance performance.

Chapter Text

“Shido-san, you look gloomy. Did something happen?”

Charles walked into the kitchen and noticed their leader sitting at the table, drinking tea with a pensive expression. When he heard the voice, Shido turned his head towards it and exhaled in relief, seeing that it was his best friend.

“It’s just...I don’t know how to approach Sae — uh, I mean Itoshi. He’s like an impenetrable wall. Just remember how many fights and disagreements we had to endure before we could get along with Rin, and now there’s less than a month left, but we’re getting nowhere. Or maybe he thinks we’re getting somewhere, but that’s not the case,” the blond ran his hand through his hair and collapsed onto the table with a groan.

Charles sat down across from him and placed his hand on Shido’s.

“Rin-san and I talked about this once. I was curious how he managed to trust all of us so the conflicts stopped, and he said he had to reconsider his views because of our and especially your persistence. When he realised he couldn’t get away from us and had to find a common language, he was glad that despite many refusals and rudeness on his part, you kept trying to get along with him,” the younger one smiled, “Maybe you should try the same with Itoshi-san? At least so you can dance together.”

Shido looked up at his friend and smiled tiredly.

“I didn’t know Rin-chan was capable of such sincerity,” Shido chuckled. “You’re right. It’s too early to give up. I volunteered to create the collab with him, even though Rin-chan warned me. Listen...” suddenly an idea struck him.

“Hm?”

“Do you get along with anyone from U-20?”

“I hang out with Oliver-san and Sendo-san occasionally, why?”

“Can you help me with something?”

When the door to the other dormitory opened, a guy with different coloured pupils stood in the doorway: one was green, the other closer to black. A welcoming smile appeared on his face as he invited the two guys inside.

“Long time no see, Shido-kun,” Oliver smirked, “Last time was at... the awards ceremony?”

“When I accidentally spilled my water on you,” Shido laughed, shaking his hand, “We should get together more often. How about going out for a drink in the new year?”

“That works for me,” Aiku smiled, “Come on in. You can pick a movie while I put the snacks you brought onto plates.”

Charles and Shido went into the living room and sat on the couch. The younger one grabbed the remote to check the selection of titles, and at that moment, Sendo came down the stairs.

“Damn it, Oliver didn’t tell me you guys were already here,” Sendo grumbled, jumping onto the couch next to them.

Charles hugged him, and the guy ruffled his hair.

“I didn’t tell you because I remembered your evening routines, so I thought I’d let you know later when you finished,” Aiku rolled his eyes, bringing several plates and placing them on the coffee table in front of the couch, “I’ll bring more in a minute.”

Sendo turned his whole body towards Shido.

“So, how do you like our cold-blooded prince?” He smirked.

“He’s...” Shido tried to find the right words, “...quite... specific? Unusual? I don’t know how to put it correctly,” he gave a nervous laugh, “do you get along well in the group?”

“Not really,” Sendo shrugged carelessly, tossing chips into his mouth, “he’s always on his own. Our biggest interaction is when he explains the choreography to us. Of all of us, Oliver interacts with him the most because they share a room. I’m surprised he hasn’t left the group yet, although maybe it’s only the contract that’s keeping him.”

“I guess we’re lucky we got along with Rin-san,” Charles tried to joke.

“I would have knocked him out if we hadn’t,” Shido clicked his tongue, “I don’t need conflicts over nothing.”

“You and Rin have a good relationship, judging by the interviews and shows,” Aiku said, placing another set of plates down, “No matter how hard we try, we can’t even talk to Sae about everyday issues like our schedule. If it weren’t for our manager, I wouldn’t know what to do.”

“Is he home now?” Shido asked.

“Yeah. He got back an hour ago after his personal schedule,” Sendo scoffed.

“I want to say hi,” Shido stood up from his seat, “If you start the movie without me, I’ll join you later.”

Aiku and Charles gave him a thumbs-up, and after the leader gave directions on how to get to his room with Sae, the blond headed straight there.

He approached an unremarkable door and knocked. He received no response, but Shido was sure the room’s occupant was inside, so he knocked again after a few seconds. An annoyed voice came from within.

“Whoever it is, fuck off.”

Shido smirked and opened the door without permission, standing in the doorway.

“And if I don’t want to?”

Sae was lying on the bed with his phone in hand. It was immediately clear whose side of the room it was: Saes’s side was minimalist and dominated by light tones, while the other side had things scattered on the bed and chair, and the decor style was indeterminate due to the chaos.

Without turning his head, the pink-haired boy glanced at the intruder.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to say hi, is that not allowed?”

Suspicion flashed across Sae’s face.

“Well, you said hi. Now get out and close the door behind you.”

“I don’t want to.”

Shido closed the door but stayed inside and moved further into the room, sitting at the edge of the bed near Sae’s feet. Sae glared, hissing.

“Are you out of your mind?”

“Yes.”

They stared at each other for a while until the latter gave in and sat up, putting his phone on the nightstand.

“Alright. What do you want from me? You’re clearly not the type to just drop by and say hello.”

“Wow, you’ve already figured me out,” Shido smirked, crossing one leg over the other and leaning on his knee with his elbow, resting his chin on his hand, “Yes, I need something from you.”

“I hope after that you’ll get the hell out.”

“Of course. I’ll definitely leave, but only if you help me with something.”

Sae raised an eyebrow sceptically.

“Help you with what?”

“To get to know you better.”

Sae looked at the guy across from him with even more suspicion. Shido continued.

“Play the thirty-six questions game with me. That’s the only thing I’ll ask you to do.”

“Really?”

“Really. Unless you want me to do something for you.”

“Alright. A request for a request. I’ll play this stupid game with you, and you’ll leave me alone after our joint performance. Forever.”

Shido pressed his lips together. Something in his chest tightened unpleasantly. It hurt. This wasn’t the outcome he wanted, but….

“Deal.”

Sae sat cross-legged, grabbing a pillow and placing it on his lap, hugging it for comfort. Shido risked mimicking his position but without a pillow, sitting on the bed also. The guy across from him said nothing and didn’t drive him away from the bed. That was already a good sign.

“So, um, this game has a few rules. First, we can’t interrupt each other or ask follow-up questions and comments about what we hear. Second, we can’t write anything down. Third, we have to be as honest as possible,” the blond said, receiving an approving nod. “I think that’s clear. I’ll open the list of questions now.”

Shido took a nervous breath. He had heard about this game from Charles, but he hadn’t read the questions themselves because there were too many. He hadn’t seen the point in doing so because he thought he could get close to anyone if he really needed to. Turns out, not just anyone. Even though he really needed to.

“Okay, first question. If you could invite anyone to dinner (a close person, a deceased relative, a celebrity), who would you choose?”

Sae didn’t have to think long. Nor did he plan to elaborate. He didn’t believe that such a game would help Shido get to know him better, but if it meant that Shido would leave him alone, he would risk playing it.

“Rin.”

For a second, Shido was going to ask him to elaborate, but then he quickly remembered the rules. So he pondered about his response.

“Probably my grandmother,” he glanced back at the phone, reading the second question, “Would you like to be famous? In what way? This question clearly isn’t for us since we’re already famous, but we can pretend we’re not.”

Sae snorted.

“I’d want to be famous in football.”

Even though nothing could be written down, Shido was already making mental notes of things he wanted to ask Sae later. His answers were too contradictory compared to the image he had in his head.

“I’d still want to be a famous idol. I’ve dreamed of dancing and performing on stage since I was a kid,” oh, the next question is interesting, “Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?”

“Yes. I hate talking on the phone, so I always have to think about what I need to find out or say.”

“I’m the opposite,” Shido giggled, “I can discuss what I need without preparation and then find out many things that come up unexpectedly during the conversation. That’s why my group mates always send me to call Loki because everyone else is afraid of him.”

The corner of Sae’s mouth twitched as if about to smile, but his expression quickly returned to its usual detached look. Shido pretended not to notice.

“Next question: What would your ‘perfect day’ be like?”

“I wouldn’t go anywhere, stay in the dorm, and have no one bother me.”

Sometimes, Shido regrets that, because of Charles, he became interested in psychology.

“Hmm, I’d like to go out somewhere with close people without attracting attention or getting mentioned in social media about my free time. Once, Charles and I wanted to sneak out to a 24-hour ramen place at night, but we got spotted and barely made it back to the dorm. Terrible. Fifth question: When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?”

Sae laid his head on the pillow, thinking.

“I don’t remember. I haven’t sung to myself in a long time, and if I did, it was for fans or with the group during rehearsal and performances.”

“Oh, that’s our favorite activity as a group,” Shido beamed, “We often go to karaoke and even convince Rin to come with us. Usually, Nanase, Charles, and I scream out songs in different languages while Rin and Zantetsu cringe and record us. We sometimes do this in the dorm, but then neighbors come to complain about the loud music. As for singing alone, I do it almost every day because I love humming to myself with my headphones on, where my favorite songs play.”

His eyes light up when he talks about his friends...I wonder how many people have fallen for him because of that?

“So, sixth question: If you could live to 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years, which would you choose?”

“Obviously, the mind.”

“The body. Mine is too sexy,” Shido smirked smugly, looking at his phone screen, “Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?”

“No.”

“Same. What nonsense to speculate about your death? When I die, I die,” the blond rolled his eyes, “Name three things you and your partner have in common. Oh, that’s easy. Can I start?”

“Try.”

“Care, feeling safe with us, and, um, dedication to our work.”

“Nonsense,” Sae snorted, “You just described yourself.”

Shido placed a finger on Sae’s lips, shaking his head.

“Shh, no comments. Your turn.”

The pink-haired boy snorted and pushed away the other’s hand.

It really is nonsense. Shido knows nothing about me...just as I know nothing about him.

Silence fell as Sae suddenly realised he knew nothing about the blond. Unlike him, Sae hadn’t watched interviews with Shido’s group and hadn’t even learned basic things like favourite colours. They had only crossed paths a few times during combined comeback schedules. Other more active members of his group handled most of the TikTok content, and he tried to stay away from it. And for some reason, he felt ashamed of that.

“It’s okay if you can’t say anything. After all, we’re nothing to each other, not even to know basic things,” Shido said after a while, shrugging. “Let’s move on,” no, no, no, it will remain unfinished…should I say something? No? Damn, “What are you most grateful for?”

Sae’s eyebrow twitched, but he tried to calm down to answer the next question without finishing the previous one.

“For the fact that our fans still love me.”

“Hmm, for being healthy, not having problems with my legs, arms, and body, and being able to do whatever I want. Next…if you could, what would you change about how you were raised?”

“I would have liked to receive as much love as Rin. Maybe then I could also express love and be able to love.”

Oh.

“I would have liked my mom to spend more time with me instead of leaving it to my grandmother. Oh, the next question is pretty difficult. In 4 minutes, tell your partner the story of your life in as much detail as possible. If you want, I can start first.”

Sae tried to rethink the task and looked at Shido in surprise. Do what in four minutes?...

“Um, yes. You go first.”

Shido gave an “okay” sign and went into his phone to set a timer. He set it for four minutes in the app and started it. The countdown began. The blond placed the phone between them, the screen up so Sae could also see the timer.

“Well, I should start with the fact that I was born into an average family and only had my mom and grandmother who raised me. My dad cheated on my mom when he found out she was pregnant, so my mom, being a strong and independent woman, told him to fuck off and didn’t get an abortion. That’s how I came to be. Because we had little money, my mom had to work constantly, so my grandmother took care of me. When I was five, my grandmother died. But it was also the time for me to start school. Unfortunately, I never stayed in one place for more than two years because my mom’s work forced us to move to different prefectures, and I had to change schools accordingly. This ended when I turned thirteen and became a trainee at my agency. After that, my mom started traveling to different prefectures alone, and I learned to be independent and live in the dorm. Oh, thirty seconds left. Well, four years later, I debuted, and now you know me as the leader of P.X.G.”

The timer rang, and Shido turned it off. He looked up to meet Sae’s eyes, which reflected some emotions not yet recognised even by their owner. Shido awkwardly averted his eyes.

“Your turn. Go ahead,” he lowered his head and pressed “Start.”

For the first ten seconds, there was silence; then, with a sigh, Sae began to speak.

“I was born into a wealthy family, which never lacked anything except love. Actually, there was love, but only until I was about six. Rin was five when our parents saw that he was insanely talented in football. Football, which I had dreamed of almost since birth and which was taken away from me when I went for an examination after a coughing fit, and they told me that football was contraindicated for me because of a respiratory issue. The doctor suggested I take up dancing to learn how to control my breathing and all that. My ‘best’ parents took away my dream to replace it with something else and gave it to Rin, who was perfectly healthy. Rin was so successful in football that our parents skipped my performances, which meant a lot, in favor of Rin’s practice matches, which were more frequent than my showcases. I hated Rin, though it wasn’t his fault. But one day, Rin came home and announced that he was quitting football. I was shocked. He said he wanted to go to the same dance studio as me because he liked my last performance where, in his words, ‘I shone the brightest and my movements were so smooth that they couldn’t be compared to football’ and I…”

Sae’s story was cut off by the timer beeping, signalling that time was up. All this time, Sae had been looking at his blanket, gripping it and afraid to look up, thinking he looked pitiful and pathetic, telling a stranger a life story that even his parents didn’t know. The fear of Shido’s hatred was worse than death, but when he finally raised his eyes, he was met with tightly pressed lips and warmth that spread in Shido’s irises. He seemed to be saying he was ready to listen further, but Sae shut down again, inwardly curling into a ball.

“Next question,” he muttered.

“Y-yeah, sure,” the blond nodded. “If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?”

“Mind reading.”

“How cliché,” Shido smirked, “I’d like to have Flash’s speed. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?”

“Whether my parents loved me as much as Rin.”

“Whether you really dislike me.”

Sae’s face immediately showed surprise, and the blond mentally took a snapshot of this expression, then continued as if he hadn’t just disconcerted his partner.

“Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?”

“Going to an amusement park,” Sae received a ‘Seriously? You haven’t been there?’ look from Shido, to which he rolled his eyes, folding his arms over his chest. “I’ve been there, but I was always afraid to ride the scary-looking attractions, and I had no one to go with because my parents protected Rin and were afraid he might get hurt or something might happen to him.”

Why am I telling this? He didn’t even need the continuation.

“I want to take my significant other to Paris and show them all the beautiful places Charles told me about. I haven’t done it yet because I’m busy and I don’t have a significant other,” while Shido looked at the phone to read the next question, Sae watched him.

His significant other will be so lucky. Wait, what am I thinking?

“What do you consider your greatest accomplishment?”

“I managed to live to my current age.”

“My group won ‘Rookie of the Year’ at the coolest award show. But that’s not my personal achievement. Uh, I have close friends?” Shido sounded so uncertain that Sae couldn’t help but be surprised. He thought Shido wasn’t the type to downplay his own achievements. “What do you value most in a friendship?”

“Having this friendship. And honesty.”

“Hmm, support. And being there when things are tough or, on the contrary, good.”

Throughout this long conversation, Shido noticed that Sae had taken a relaxed posture, and now he wasn’t as uncomfortable as he was when the blond first entered the room. Despite his face still remaining emotionless, Shido could see a change in his gaze. And that couldn’t help but please him.

“What is your most cherished memory?”

“My first dance concert when my parents came. They gave me a big bouquet of flowers and said I did great.”

“When I was a trainee, a lot was weighing on me. I wanted to die. Everything got to me. I didn’t want to keep knocking on a closed door and feared I’d never debut. I was fourteen when I sat in an empty dance hall and cried because I pulled a muscle from a wrong move. At that moment, another trainee from the company heard me and came in to see who was crying. He hugged me, listened to my complaints, gave me advice, and told me not to give up. We talked until late into the night, and after that conversation, I realised that I would definitely succeed in my idol career. Probably, if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be who I am today.”

Sae even wanted to look at this person. I wonder if Shido still talks to him? Did that trainee debut eventually?

“What is your worst memory?”

“When I fell in the garden of our house, and not even the maid came running to my cries. I scraped my knee, didn’t know what to do in such situations, and my parents were helping Rin on the football field at that moment.”

“When I approached my mom at the age of six and asked when we would go for a walk, and she waved me off and said ‘later.’ That ‘later’ never came because I grew up, and I didn’t need it anymore.”

Looking at Shido, Sae couldn’t imagine that such an active and cheerful person had such a terrible childhood. Sae even envied him for somehow managing to cope with all that burden, especially now that he had friends, loving people around, and the motivation to move forward. He wished he had all that too.

“If you knew you would die in a year, what would you change about how you live? Why?”

“I would try to talk to Rin. Lately, it bothers me that we don’t even look at each other when we meet, although it’s strange to be brothers and pretend you’re nobody.”

“I would like to try to build a relationship with someone and tell them how much they mean to me.”

Sae saw regret and sadness in Shido’s eyes, not suspecting that he also felt the same.

A tense ‘what’s stopping you?’ hung between them.

“What does friendship mean to you?”

“A person who won’t reject me after knowing everything about me and will genuinely be happy to be my friend, not just because I’m an idol and have a lot of money.”

“Mutual relationships that won’t break over trivialities.”

“What role do love and tenderness play in your life?”

“None. Not sure they were ever in my life at all.”

Please, let me show them to you.

“For me, love and tenderness are almost synonymous because through tenderness, I express love. I give small gifts to my friends, showing that they are dear to me; I help them when they need help and don’t forget to show tenderness in the form of simple care. Oh, last year I got interested in crafts and wanted to make something with my own hands. In the end, I bought a bead set and made friendship bracelets for the whole group. Even Rin, who resisted such things, still wore it,” Shido warmly smiled, reminiscing.

Sae’s gaze automatically fell on the boy’s wrists and immediately caught a bunch of different ropes and bracelets, among which, apparently, was that very friendship bracelet.

“By turns, name five positive traits of your partner (exchange five characteristics).”

“Oh, a similar question again. Let’s skip it?”

Sae shook his head. He didn’t want that feeling of incompleteness again. Besides, he could draw his own conclusions from everything Shido had told him about himself.

“You’re very caring, hyperenergetic, supportive leader of your group, a great friend, and an understanding partner.”

Shido’s cheeks flushed. He clearly didn’t expect that.

“Oh, um... you’re straightforward, vulnerable, empathetic, cold on the outside but warm inside, and affectionate.”

Wha...?

“Are the relationships warm and close in your family?”

“No.”

“Not before, but now, yes.”

“What feelings does your interaction with your mother evoke in you?”

“Contradictory.”

“Ordinary. I’m glad we managed to establish communication since I moved out and started earning my own living. The relationship with my parents is good only from a distance. ‘Each of you make three statements true for both of you. For example: ‘We both currently feel...’. Shall we take turns?”

Sae nodded. He didn’t even know what to say, to be honest. Does he feel anything? If so, what?

“Okay, I’ll start,” Shido smiled, “We both currently feel comfortable.”

Is it that obvious?

“We both currently feel...um. Vulnerable to each other?”

He received a smirk in response, right on point.

“We both currently feel understanding.”

Sae bit his lip. So that’s what it feels like when no one judges you and listens attentively....

“We both currently feel...relaxed?”

In agreement, Shido lightly touched Sae’s knee with his big toe and withdrew it, still smiling. Sae was glad he wasn’t the only one feeling everything listed.

“We both currently feel that something has changed.”

Indeed. Sae hadn’t even noticed that his heart had been beating faster than usual for the past fifteen minutes for some reason. Is that normal?

“We both currently feel...satisfaction?”

The pink-haired boy didn’t receive any confirming response but somehow knew that it was true.

“Complete the phrase: ‘I would like there to be someone with whom I could share...’”

“I feel like I’m undressing myself and exposing my bare soul,” Sae sighed inwardly.

“I would like there to be someone with whom I could share evenings.”

“I would like there to be someone with whom I could share trips to cafés on Valentine’s Day to get freebies because we would be a couple.”

Sae looked at Shido with a ‘seriously?’ expression, to which he received an equally confident ‘yes’ in response.

“If you were going to become a close friend to your partner, what would you tell him: what he, in your opinion, should know about you?”

“I don’t like tactility because I’m not used to its manifestations. For me, the ability to listen and understand is more important.”

“I can be intrusive, which can be exhausting to deal with. I need to prove every time that I’m important to someone because without it, I’ll start worrying that I’m not worthy of their company.”

Sae saw how difficult it was for Shido to say this, which made him even more sympathetic. The image of a confident and cheerful blond in his head was gradually crumbling.

“Tell your partner what you like about them; speak directly, say things you couldn’t tell a random acquaintance.”

“Can you start? It’s hard for me to do this.”

Shido nodded.

“I’ve been following your career for a long time. You could say since your debut. And every time I admire your ability to captivate all the attention on stage, even if something more grand is happening around. I want to watch you, study every emotion of yours and every dance move. I also admire your ability to put people in their place and not waste your time on useless things. And your attachment to Rin. We usually keep quiet about it with the group, but we see how Rin, when he thinks nobody’s in the dorm, reads news about you and watches shows where you appear. It’s cute. I think you look the same. Still caring about him. And I saw it today,” Shido smiled tenderly, looking at Sae. Tonight, he decided that he could afford to say everything. He would deal with the consequences later.

Sae sat, trying not to make any unnecessary movements as if afraid that something would disappear, evaporate, or waft out through the slightly open window.

“I...damn, I don’t know what to say after your words. I can’t boast that I’ve been following you for a long time because I don’t generally interact with any of the idols and I’ve only heard about you and your group in passing. But, um, I like your dancing skills. You have a good sense of your body, and it’s not as bad to dance with you as I thought when I was told I’d be with you. I’m used to everyone around me dancing poorly.”

Shido didn’t show any response to this remark, but he mentally rejoiced that the best dancer of the third generation appreciated his skills. It was worth a lot.

“Share an unpleasant situation or embarrassing moment from your life with your partner.”

“Once a girl from school wanted to confess to me, but I didn’t want to upset her, as she wasn’t my type, and she should take better care of herself anyway, so I said I was gay.”

Shido tried to suppress his laughter, but he didn’t succeed very well, so, covering his mouth with his hand, he tried to calm down, although his eyes still spoke of how funny he found it.

“In one of the prefectures where I studied for a short time, some school hooligans tried to mess with me and put cockroaches in my backpack. I was terribly afraid of insects, so I screamed at the whole class when I wanted to get my textbooks out. They took me to the principal. Fortunately, a month later, I was no longer in that school.”

“When was the last time you cried in front of someone? And alone?”

“Probably, my last time was in childhood, so I don’t even remember.”

“The day before yesterday...while watching a sad anime with Charles...he even laughed at me for it later,” next one, “Tell your partner what you already appreciate about them.”

“When we danced together, I was glad that you tried not to touch me, even though I understand it was hard for you, given the nature of the dance.”

“I appreciate that you opened up to me today.”

I hope I won’t regret this.

“In your opinion, what topic is too serious to joke about?”

“Death.”

“The oppression of minorities. Any kind.”

“If you were to die today without speaking to anyone, what unsaid thing would you regret the most? Why haven’t you said it yet?”

“I think it’s already obvious because I’ve already talked about it,” Sae sighed heavily. I haven’t said it because... I don’t know. I’m a coward.”

“The same reason. I know it will be unrequited, so I’d rather wait because fortunately, I’m not dying today.”

“Your house with all your belongings caught fire. After rescuing your loved ones and pets, you have time to run into the house and save something else from the flames. What would you take? Why?”

“Album with family photos because only there am I smiling.”

Can I see your smile, please? At least once?

“Phone. There are many memories there that I couldn’t save but wouldn’t want to forget.”

“Whose death in your family would upset you the most? Why?”

“Rin, probably. I was even closer to him than to my parents.”

“Grandmother.”

Sae looked at him questioningly, thinking that he should explain the reason more, but Shido remained silent. He looked at the phone to read the next question.

“Share a personal problem and ask your partner how they would deal with it. Then ask what they think about your feelings regarding this issue.”

The blond raised his eyes to fully immerse himself in what Sae would say. The pink-haired one remained silent for some time, biting his lip. He didn’t know what to say. Or was afraid. His fingers nervously fidgeted with each other.

“Lately, I feel like close people have started to distance themselves from me,” Shido began instead of Sae, “They suddenly started spending more time with other people, and I faded into the background, as if I could be called at any moment, and I would come running like a dog. And I would, because I have no one else.”

“I would talk to them. You said yourself that you need evidence that you still matter to someone. The surest way to find out is to ask directly. And maybe it just seems that way to you because you’re not confident. You start spinning bad thoughts for yourself that no one but you can know.”

Shido ran his hand over his face and then through his hair, sighing heavily.

“What do you think I’m feeling?”

“Insecurity?”

“Suppose,” chuckled the blond, “I feel vulnerable, weak because I allow such thoughts to haunt me. My close ones know everything. How I behave, what I feel, and so on and so forth, but that doesn’t stop them from continuing to distance themselves from me. I feel weak because I’ve lost my protection in the form of these people.”

Sae wanted to pat Shido’s hand and had already reached out his own but then immediately withdrew it, pulling it back to himself.

“Okay, never mind,” Shido perked up, smiling, “Let me guess: your problem is related to Rin, right? Because if it is, then you should do the same thing you advised me to do. Rin doesn’t hate you as much as you’re used to thinking. By the way, that was the last question. It says here that we need to sit in silence for four minutes, looking into each other’s eyes. Ready to start?”

For a moment, Sae felt sad. He somehow thought that thirty-six questions would last longer, but in the end, it wasn’t that long. He...would have liked to talk to Shido a little longer? ...What ?..

The pink-haired one nodded, and the countdown began.

Meanwhile, three guys who were sitting downstairs in the hall watching a movie finished watching. The credits were already rolling on the screens when Charles suddenly frowned.

“Wait, Shido-san still hasn’t come down. We’ve finished watching the movie already,” he realised.

“Maybe Sae already killed him because I can’t explain why it’s so quiet, knowing Shido,” Sendo shook his head.

“Let’s go check on them, maybe...I’m worried about your leader,” Aiku said, getting up from the couch and stretching.

The three guys tiptoed to the door and froze, trying to listen to the sounds inside. There was complete silence, although light was pouring out from the small space under the door.

“Looks like he really killed him,” Charles whispered, covering his mouth with his hand, “What should I tell the members?”

Aiku let out a loud sigh and knocked on the door, then immediately opened it (it was actually his room).

They didn’t catch anything illegal. Only two guys silently sat facing each other on one of the guy’s beds. When the three others burst into the room, they simultaneously turned their heads to the source of the noise, and Shido looked at them in surprise.

“You’re alive!” Exclaimed Charles, rushing forward and hugging his friend by the neck.

“And why wouldn’t I be?” the blond wondered, patting the younger one on the head and hugging him back.

“You weren’t there for the whole movie, and we only realised it towards the end,” Sendo awkwardly scratched his head, “We were afraid Sae did something to you.”

Shido smiled, turning his gaze to the nearly expressionless Sae sitting next to him, who disdainfully snorted at this remark and rolled his eyes.

“You wanna go to the dorm?” Shido asked, turning his face to Charles and almost bumping his nose into the latter’s.

The friend nodded approvingly.

“Forgot? We still have a schedule for today. Rin will be upset with us again that we’re going to the show with bruises under our eyes, Zantetsu will give a lecture that no one needs, and Nanase will cry because we couldn’t get enough sleep. Do you need that? I don’t,” chuckled Charles, pressing his cheek against Shido’s.

“I’ll be down in five minutes, okay?” Shido detached himself from the younger one, saying.

“Okay,” Charles nodded happily, “Bye, Itoshi-san!”

He waved and, along with Sendo and Aiku, headed downstairs to leave.

Shido turned back to Sae and was about to say something, but he interrupted him, getting up from the bed.

“It’s time for you to go,” the guy tried to avoid someone else’s gaze, and his voice became neutral again.

Shido got up from the bed and approached the pink-haired one almost closely.

“Can I make one last request?”

The blond was taller, so Sae had to slightly raise his head to talk eye to eye.

“Well?”

“Can I hug you?”

Sae hesitated. It showed on his face.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to put you in an awkward position,” Shido stepped back, awkwardly smiling, “Goodnight, Sae. Waiting for your manager’s call for the next training session.”

He waved goodbye and closed the door behind him. Sae was left alone with his thoughts, which were now buzzing around him.

His gaze accidentally fell on the desk, where a whole pack of his favorite cookies lay in the corner.

“When did he...?” Sae sighed, mentally hitting himself on the head.

He actually wanted Shido to hug him like he hugged Charles. He also wanted to feel the warmth of another body, but he himself missed that chance. Now, it’s uncertain when the blond will offer it. Maybe never. Sad.

Chapter Text

When Sae came to the training hall next time, Shido was not alone. The whole group he was training with was there. He quietly entered and, while taking off his outerwear, began to observe five guys who were rehearsing moves to a song unfamiliar to him, although it’s worth noting that he mostly looked at one person. And sometimes at his brother.

The song ended, and three out of the five began to catch their breath. Clearly, it was not their first hour of training.

“Weaklings,” snorted Rin, grabbing a water bottle and greedily gulping it down.

“Not everyone graduated from a dance academy to be able to dance for two and a half hours straight,” groaned Charles, and Nanase agreed, sitting next to the member and handing him the water bottle.

“I didn’t graduate,” shrugged Shido, “But I’ve long been accustomed to Rin-chan’s training like this. Strange that you’re not.”

Rin chuckled, wiping sweat from his forehead and accidentally glancing at the couch where Sae had already settled in.

“Ryu, do you have another training session now?” He asked.

The leader turned his head to where Rin was looking.

“Yeah,” smiled Shido, “Hi, Itoshi-chan!”

Sae lazily waved his hand and pretended not to have been observing him just a minute ago, looking at his phone screen.

“Good luck not dying,” Zantetsu said, placing his hand on Shido’s shoulder. I’ll prepare dinner.”

Nanase and Charles both grimaced.

“Please spare us from that,” Nanase grimaced, “I still have nightmares about your overcooked eggs.”

Charles laughed, taking a sitting position.

“I’m just suggesting ordering something from that restaurant where we ate on the weekend,” Rin said.

“I fully support that idea,” Shido raised his hand, “Ah, that wonderful taste of tonkatsu that literally melted in your mouth...I’m ready to climax just from the thought of it.”

Everyone else laughed at this remark (even Rin, a little).

Sae looked at this group with some envy, which was vastly different from his own, and, listening to their conversations, thinking about how close they probably all were to each other. Especially he looked at the calm and balanced brother, who smiled tranquilly, looking at his group members, and was more than sure that in the dormitory, he probably allowed himself even more emotions, remembering Shido’s stories.

“Okay, everyone did great today. Tomorrow, we have the final recording of the B-side song, and we’ll be able to focus on dancing calmly. For today, everyone’s free,” Shido clapped his hands.

“Oh no, you’re kicking us out?” Charles whined.

“Yes, I am, because I still have to rehearse my part,” the leader rolled his eyes, “So let’s get your wonderful butts off the floor and go home,” Shido extended his hand, which his friend grabbed, and with one tug, pulled him to his feet.

“Why does Charles have a wonderful butt? Isn’t it just ordinary?” Zantetsu adjusted his glasses, asking.

Charles ran his hand along his body from his butt to his chest, arching his back, and chuckled.

“If you’re jealous, then be jealous quietly. Or just go to the gym with Ryu.”

Shido smiled, shaking his head.

“Going to the gym with Ryu is like signing yourself up for him to annoy you with talks about some random fact he read online before bed, and then spending two more hours thinking about that fact, trying to focus on the workout,” Rin snorted, approaching the couch and grabbing his jacket, completely ignoring his brother.

“But you keep doing it anyway!” The blond yelled after him, receiving a middle finger and a door slam in response.

Following Rin, the other three guys also left the room.

Sae stood up from the couch to head to the centre of the room.

“What dance was that?”

“Oh, that’s our comeback,” Shido answered, stretching, “teasers will start coming out somewhere around mid-January, so we have to rehearse every day now. Plus various performances at the end of the year.”

Sae chuckled. He understood him perfectly.

“I need to warm up before we start,” he said but didn’t finish as the door to the hall opened again, and a bright head peeked in.

“Oh, by the way, Shido-san, I left your favourite drink in the fridge. Don’t forget to have it after training,” Charles said, smiling.

Shido turned around and gave a thumbs-up.

“Love you!”

“And I love you!” The bright head giggled one last time and disappeared behind the doors.

The blond turned back to the pink-haired one.

“No problem,” he nodded, “Then I hope you don’t mind if I practice my part for now.”

Sae nodded and stepped back to observe Shido’s precise and smooth movements for the next fifteen minutes, apparently rehearsing something solo. At some point, Sae even held his breath from how beautiful the movements were. He had not seen this side of Shido in their paired dance, so this was the first time he had witnessed this. It was as if he lived through dance and surrendered to it completely. Yes, there were some rough edges, but with his charisma, he pulled it off flawlessly.

“What was that?” Sae asked when Shido finished and was now drinking water.

“I was invited to a project where I need to prepare a solo dance. So, I’m preparing,” Shido smirked.

“I like your body control.”

“I know,” Shido smirked, “You were staring at me intently. Your eyes can’t lie, by the way.”

Sae immediately looked away, caught off guard. What was this? Embarrassment?

“By the way,” the blond put his water against the wall and returned, “I was thinking about what to do with those moments in the dance where you feel uncomfortable touching me, most likely. And I figured out how to replace them. Like...that moment at the end or where you need to touch my hand or chest. We can not completely eliminate tactility, but if we minimise the touches, I think you will feel more confident. Shall we try?”

Sae was surprised. He didn’t think Shido would change something because of him. And if before he would have preferred not to touch the guy at all, now it was up for debate. But maintaining authority was necessary, and it wouldn’t be so bad if they replaced those moments, right?

Sae nodded in agreement, and they began to rehearse.

And for some reason, Sae started to notice just now how soft Shido’s hands were. There were not even calluses or any roughness, which meant that the blond took care of them. When he put his hands on his during the dance, Sae wanted to squeeze them and run his fingers along them, feeling their softness, not just during movements. Standing next to him during those moments when he needed to run his hand over the other’s shoulders or chest, the pink-haired guy regretted agreeing to the change. And now, even at the end, they only looked at each other, and Shido didn’t put his hand on his waist.

Sae pretended to be satisfied, pretending things were better, although his heart desperately cried out to cancel these absurd, shy movements that didn’t match the original dance.

“Do you drink strawberry milk?” Shido asked for some reason at the end of the training when they had already finished.

"I do, why?" 

“One moment.”

The blond left the room, and so as not to waste time, Sae started to get ready to go home.

After a while, Shido returned with milk in his hand and handed it to Sae.

“Isn’t this the drink your friend mentioned?” The pink-haired one frowned.

“Yeah, exactly,” Shido smiled, “Charles always buys us both this milk, and it’s like a tradition to drink it together after training. This time he left before me, so I think it’s not very nice, so I hope it cheers you up because you seem unusually pensive today.”

Sae took the milk from his hands and looked at it for a long time while Shido got ready to leave. He turned off all the devices before leaving.

“By the way, Sae-kun,” the blond stood next to him, and the guy seemed to snap out of it, inserting a straw into the milk and raising his gaze, “do you happen to have a few free hours in the next few days?”

Sae looked puzzled at the guy. “I probably do. I need to check with the manager. Why?”

“I just, uh, wanted to invite you to spend time together,” Shido sounded extremely unsure. He awkwardly scratched the back of his head, “if you don’t mind, of course.”

Sae blinked, trying to understand if he had heard the speaker correctly. Spend time together? What? With him?

“Give me your number,” Sae said as neutrally as possible as if he wasn’t interested in the proposal. Shido glanced at him in surprise, “I’m not going to contact you through the manager for personal matters. I’ll text you when I know the exact schedule.”

Needless to say, how strange Shido’s members looked at him when he returned to the dorm and, spinning and jumping for joy, accidentally knocked over a vase with flowers and a figurine brought from America after one of the tours?

Honestly, the blond didn’t expect the moment of this to come so soon because the next day, when the guy was watching the group’s broadcast, his phone suddenly vibrated, and on the lock screen, there was a message from an unknown number. He immediately grabbed it, causing bewilderment from the group members, and then, apologising, went out the door.

Unknown Number:

Hey. This is Itoshi Sae. This is my personal number, so you can text me here. I have some free time the day after tomorrow, but only after 6. I have a photoshoot.

Shido covered his mouth with his hand, trying not to scream with joy.

Ryu!

ERHGERHR

oh sorry

hi!

hi*

uhhh

where are you going to be

be?*

damn

will be*

can I come over!!!

Sae slightly smiled, looking at the stream of incoming messages. Lying on his bed, Aiku looked strangely at his neighbour but mysteriously stayed silent, drawing his own conclusions.

Sae Itoshi (<3)

[address]

Is this day okay for you?...I have a feeling that you’re always free.

Ryu!

I’m ready to allocate all of the time in the world for you (erased).

because you mean so much to me (erased).

Yes I will just easily adjust my schedule 😎

Don’t worry, babe ;)

Sae choked, putting his phone aside and feeling the blood rush to his ears.

At that moment, Shido returned to the guys on the broadcast and, as if nothing had happened, immediately joined the conversation.

Although he was restless, he was eagerly awaiting the day after tomorrow.

Despite having a scheduled dental check-up that day, he had no trouble rescheduling it because meeting Sae was more valuable, both in terms of time and money. So, at four o’clock, he stood near the all too familiar studio, which every self-respecting idol entered at least once.

Passing through the administrator was easy because they knew him here, and finding the right studio was also quick.

“Oh my, what grace, what facial features. I’m thrilled!” The photographer exclaimed. Shido froze upon hearing the voice.

Against the white background with professional lighting around, Sae was posing, wearing leather pants, a white belt, a black shirt with his chest partially exposed, and a white necklace. His hair was tousled and styled, and he exuded confidence as if it were obvious that he belonged there.

The main photographer turned to go to the editor, but then his gaze immediately fell on Shido standing by the door.

“Oh. My. God. Is this really Shido Ryusei? Are my eyes deceiving me?” The muscular man with curly hair put the camera on the desk and headed straight for the idol, arms wide open.

“I’m just the best illusion you’ve ever seen,” Shido said and confidently smirked, pushing off the wall and heading towards the photographer.

Approaching, the photographer enveloped him in a tight hug and kissed both his cheeks.

“How do you manage to look so sexy in your baggy clothes, huh?” The man squinted mischievously.

“Everyone has their secrets, Chris,” Shido winked at him, playfully hitting his shoulder.

“Oh, you’re killing with your beauty,” the man dramatically rolled his eyes and pressed his palm to his forehead, “and what are you doing here, by the way? Did you come to visit an old man, hm?”

“You’re an old man like geometry is a rabbit,” Shido clicked his tongue, then nodded towards Sae, who was waiting for the photoshoot to continue, “I’m with him. Actually, I came earlier than I should.”

Suddenly, Chris screamed, grabbing the boy’s shoulders.

“I have a super cool look that I really want to use in today’s photoshoot, but Itoshi-kun has the wrong body type for it, but I know who it fits perfectly. You’re going to the dressing room right now and putting on this outfit! If you don’t, I’ll be very upset. I’ll talk to Loki about a joint photoshoot with Itoshi-kun. Go!” — and without giving time for an answer, the man turned Shido around and pushed him towards the makeup room. “Hey, girls! Make him the sexiest candy ever! Even sexier than he already is!” He shouted after.

While Shido was being transformed in the makeup room, Chris turned to his team and clapped his hands.

“Changing the concept. We have a paired photoshoot, and I need a beige couch. Right now!” The man began to shout.

Sae looked around bewilderingly and didn’t understand what was happening. The only thing he understood was that after Shido arrived, the studio seemed to become as energetic as he was, and not that Sae didn’t like it, but something like this happened to him for the first time. And overall, as he understood, this was just the beginning?

They brought him a chair to wait for a while, so that approximately half an hour later, a new model came out into the studio.

Sae turned his head, and his heart started beating rapidly.

Shido was wearing shiny shoes with small heels and wide denim pants that were twice as wide as the boy himself. On top of his bare chest, he wore a leather jacket. Across his chest was a small lace black strip, and rings adorned his fingers. Looking up, Sae met a foreign gaze with lined eyes and a smooth contour. His hair was slicked back, creating a ‘wet’ effect, as if he had just stepped out of the shower. Pink-haired Sae swallowed and looked away.

“Oh, what took you so long? Me and Itoshi-kun have been waiting!” Chris started to whine, and his hands stuck to his face, and his mouth opened wide, “if I didn’t have a wife, I’d become gay for you. I knew this look would suit you. I’m ready to cry from beauty.”

“You’re exaggerating,” Shido chuckled, and Sae immediately shifted his gaze to catch and capture the smirk in his mind with that expression. He’d better not have done that because, at the thought, his ears decided to once again merge with the colour of his hair.

Meanwhile, Shido headed towards Sae, and only now could he discern all the intricacies of his appearance up close. Glitter and rosy shadows could be seen on his face. He looked like a fairy.

Sae didn’t understand how this happened, but as soon as Shido stepped onto the set, his poses automatically became precise, and his hands seemed to know where to lay correctly because Chris continued to whine about how the blond was doing an amazing job. Sae himself didn’t know what to do at first, but after ten minutes of shooting and Shido’s whispered instructions on what to do, he got into the process.

The pink-haired guy didn’t like touchiness, but when Shido’s hands would land on his shoulders, then on his legs, or when he himself had to do the same with his partner, he didn’t feel repulsed or uncomfortable.

“Shido, sit on the couch, and you, Itoshi-kun, stand facing him and turn your face to the camera. You’ll figure out the hands, Shido. Let’s go!” Chris commanded loudly, and in the next moment, Sae’s hands rested on both of Shido’s shoulders, and Shido himself looked up at Sae from below. Sae was afraid to look back because he was afraid of drowning and not staying afloat.

“Put your foot on mine,” Shido whispered quietly, and the pink-haired boy had no choice but to follow the advice. Immediately, Chris gasped, and the camera clicks were heard.

“Oh, listen, I have a fantastic idea,” the cunning man smiled, finishing clicking and lowering his equipment, “sit next to each other on the couch and let Shido lean slightly to the side towards Itoshi. You’ll figure out the rest.”

The blond gave a thumbs-up, and Sae sat next to him, folding his hands on his knees and not knowing where to put himself.

“Sae, relax,” a whisper suddenly sounded near his ear, causing shivers to run down the older’s spine, and a moment later, his legs shifted position under the influence of the latter’s movements.

Shido gently pressed the pink-haired boy to lean sideways and be able to lean on his arm, then crossed his legs. Meanwhile, he remained in a pose such that, as required for a model, all parts of his body were visible. He leaned forward and rested his chin on the other’s shoulder, but in a way that his face still remained in a three-quarter turn. Sae turned his head and encountered Shido’s tender half-smile.

“Itoshi, put your hand on Shido’s chest. Why are you acting like a virgin on her wedding night, huh?”

The blond pressed on Sae a little more to remove the support of his hand and leaned his head back against the back of the couch. To avoid a collision, Sae really had to put his hand on the other’s bare chest. It ended up near the heart area, so the pink-haired boy could now feel not only his own rapid heartbeat but also the latter’s.

“You’re taking over my job,” Sae whispered, dissatisfied, although this dissatisfaction was more to cover up his true feelings.

“I’m just doing it a little better and more interestingly,” Shido winked and, taking Sae’s hand, pulled him towards him to take a sitting position, and, unable to maintain balance, he slightly fell onto Shido himself, managing to extend his arm in front of himself, which ultimately remained on the blond’s chest.

When this entire beautiful nightmare was over, and they finished in a decent paired pose, Shido approached the editor, who already had the photos on the screen, and put his hands on his hips, watching as the girl flipped through them.

“Listen, Chris, can you send me all these photos? Even if not all of them end up being processed for the magazine, I want all of them,” Shido said, turning to the photographer.

“Absolutely no problem, honey. The photoshoot was already great, and it became two, no, three times better with your appearance. You deserve at least these shots,” the man winked at him. “Should I send them to your email?” Shido nodded and looked around. Sae was nowhere to be seen, “he’s already gone to the dressing room. By the way, is there anything between you two?”

Shido looked at Chris in surprise. “Why such conclusions? You know yourself; I always work in pairs or groups, and I don’t care who it is.”

“Well, of course, it’s you. But I’ve worked with Itoshi Sae more than once, and every time I had to pull some emotions from him, besides coldness and calmness, and here there’s surprise, fear, and even in some places passion. Well, you’re truly an amazing person if even Itoshi managed to feel something,” Chris patted Shido on the shoulder, smiling, “I hope I can work with you soon. Go change already, because I’ve slightly ruined your other plans.”

The whole way to the dressing room, Shido pondered the photographer’s words and didn’t understand what he was talking about. Wasn’t Sae always like that?

When he entered the dressing room, Sae had already changed and packed his bag. He turned to the person who entered and sighed when he realized it was someone familiar.

“I’ll wait for you by the reception desk,” he said, throwing the bag over his shoulder and, without saying another word, left.

For some reason, it was precisely now that Shido suddenly felt on his chest as if there was a trace of those touches during the photoshoot. He could even feel a slight tremor in the latter’s fingers at that moment when it happened. Interesting.

He went downstairs fifteen minutes later and approached Sae, who was absentmindedly scrolling through his Instagram feed, occasionally liking posts.

“I’ve called a taxi. It’ll be here in two minutes,” Shido said, causing the other guy to startle, nodding at his words.

He put his phone in the coat pocket and wrapped his nose in a huge scarf.

They waited in silence for the notification on Shido’s phone that the taxi had arrived.

At that moment, Sae’s mind flashed with all the moments from the recent photoshoot, and the realisation that even with his group, he hadn’t experienced anything similar. He also occasionally glanced at the blond himself, whose hair was now not slicked back but intentionally tousled in different strands, which gave a sense of comfort and cosiness.

When they sat side by side in the backseat of the taxi, shoulder to shoulder, Sae finally dared to ask and break the prolonged silence.

“Where are we going?”

Shido looked at him and smiled mysteriously.

“You’ll see.”

Only look out the window, where the evening landscapes of Tokyo flickered.

“By the way, Shido,” the blond looked up from his phone in response, “how did you meet Chris?”

“Oh...” Shido stretched contentedly, “it was a rather amusing story. I had just debuted with the group and hadn’t had a chance to shine on any shows or photoshoots yet when Loki suddenly called some guy and asked me to do a photoshoot. Surprisingly, Loki refused because there was no room in my schedule for this photoshoot, but this guy didn’t give up, and only a year after my debut did I manage to get to him. It turned out to be Chris, who, at a glance at me during some interview, understood that I was destined to become a model, in his opinion. He said he had been looking for such a type of appearance for a long time, so, in a way, my modelling career began a year after my debut. Loki was furious about this because I was often taken away for shoots and shows, and I couldn’t progress with the group, but now he gladly kicks me out to Chris and other famous fashion people because it’s a great PR move for both me and the group.”

“To other fashion people? How?” Sae was surprised.

“Since I became a model, not only Chris noticed me,” Shido smirked, awkwardly running his hand through his hair, “do you know Chigiri Hyōma?”

“You mean the authoritative designer of the Dior house?” the pink-haired man clarified, “if you mean him, then of course, I know him.”

“Last year, I participated in his spring clothing collection.”

Sae opened his mouth in surprise and immediately closed it, imagining how he looked right now. Was Shido joking? If so, then such things are not joked about. If he really was a model for Dior, then why hadn’t Sae ever heard of it? He often browses fashion news and would hardly have missed the fact that one of the idols participated in a fashion show. Perhaps he didn’t participate as a model but was simply invited as a guest. Most likely, that’s exactly how it was.

The guy wanted to reply, but Shido looked around and smiled.

“We’ve arrived.”

He immediately jumped out of the car to bypass it and open the door for Sae. Thanking the driver, Shido closed the door and turned to Sae, who frowned when his gaze looked ahead.

“Wh...?” Sae was about to ask Shido why they were here, but his coat sleeve was grabbed, as the blond began to drag him along.

“Let’s go faster. Unfortunately, not all attractions work in winter, but I bought tickets for everything that works, so we have to try everything!” Shido exclaimed joyfully.

Sae matched Shido’s pace and put on his mask, repeating the movement after the blond, who had already managed to do so. He looked at the sleeve of his coat, which Shido still held, and, taking a deep breath for courage, pulled away his hand to timidly take Shido by the pinky, intertwining his with the latter’s. Sae was glad that Shido didn’t turn to him, but he noticed a smile on the stranger’s face, which he hid in his scarf.

Despite both boys wearing gloves, they still enjoyed such cautious tactility.

When Shido spoke about buying tickets for all the attractions, Sae thought he was exaggerating. Still, he really did buy tickets for everything available, so after half an hour of several rides, Sae was breathing heavily after one of the actors at the House of Horrors suddenly jumped out from around the corner. The unsuspecting guy started screaming and ran to the exit. He was never afraid to watch horror movies. Still, this time, in addition to the whole atmosphere, Shido’s storytelling about scary stories, when around them there were artificial skulls, a lot of similar stuff, and disgusting music, made the situation even worse.

Shido followed him, still laughing, clutching his stomach. He almost fell to the ground from the emotions. He even started to cry from laughter. His eyeliner even started to smudge from the tears that had welled up.

Sae angrily looked at the boy, straightening his back. Approaching the blond, he poked him in the side.

“Stop it,” he hissed.

Shido raised his index finger, trying to calm down and saying by that to wait. He pressed his mouth shut with his other hand, but the bright smile was still visible. Every time he looked at Sae, he felt the urge to laugh again.

“Sorry-sorry,” Shido exhaled a long ‘phew’, continuing to smile and now looking directly at the pink-haired man, “You should’ve seen your face. It was amazing. I love watching new emotions on your face. Sometimes, I regret that I can’t capture some moments related to you in the form of a photograph,” Sae snorted, turning away and folding his arms across his chest. He can’t just let some guy’s words sink into his soul, although his heart momentarily stopped after what was said earlier. “By the way, about the photos. Can I post a couple on Instagram later?”

Sae had to turn back to Shido and drop his hands.

“Just let me know which ones you’re going to post. And in general, send me all of them.”

“Okay,” Shido held up his finger, “I think you won’t want to go anywhere anymore. How about the Ferris wheel?”

“I see through your cunning plan. First, you made me go through nine circles of hell to throw me from the highest peak of the wheel,” Sae squinted.

“Oh damn, you caught me,” the blond shook his head, brushing away an invisible tear, “so, are you coming?”

“I’m coming.”

Chapter Text

Both of the guys climbed into one of the Ferris-wheel cabins and sat facing each other.

“I’ve never liked the Ferris wheel because it always scared me to look down and realise how high up I was. The last time I rode it, I was very young, but back then Rin was excited and rocking the cabin, making it even scarier,” sighed Sae, trying not to look to the sides or down, but only at Shido.

“When I was little, I was also afraid of riding the Ferris wheel,” the blond smiled. “But my grandmother would reach out her hands every time, and I would grab them like a lifeline, so I could sit calmly and look around because I felt protected, as if my grandmother had some invisible shield. If you want…?”

Shido hesitantly extended both hands forward, palms up in an inviting gesture. Sae looked at them for a moment, doubting whether he could trust the blond with his safety. But he immediately remembered today’s photo shoot, where he felt more confident in the paired session thanks to the guy now sitting across from him. He nodded and placed his hands in the other’s, which gently squeezed them, and the thumbs started to stroke them.

Shido turned his head and smiled.

“Itoshi, we’re almost at the very top. Look!” 

Sae turned because he knew he wouldn’t let go of him for anything, and he didn’t regret it because the landscape that unfolded before his eyes was stunningly beautiful.

Due to their young age, Sae usually went to the Ferris wheel with his parents and brother during the day, but now, when it was happening at night, he felt as if the whole world belonged to him. The whole of Tokyo seemed that it was in the palm of his hand, and the lights, as if winking, brightly illuminated the entire city.

“How beautiful,” Sae’s eyes sparkled as he looked out the panoramic window.

“Very beautiful,” Shido agreed, almost in a whisper, looking at the guy in front of him, squeezing his hands a little tighter. He didn’t want this to end. He wished he could prolong this moment as long as possible. Was he asking for too much?

The pink-haired one turned his head back to face Shido, and for a moment, he froze, noticing warmth in the other’s eyes.

“Thank you for today,” the corners of his lips turned upward.

“Summer here is still better. It would be great to come back here in July,” Shido replied.

Sae stayed silent. He didn’t want to give false hope that he would be staying in Tokyo for that long.

Shido jumped out of the cabin and offered his hand to Sae, who immediately grabbed it and followed suit.

“It’s getting chilly outside. Would you like something hot?” Shido asked, tucking his hands into his pockets to warm them. There was no more warmth from another.

Sae nodded and followed Shido, who seemed to have a clearer idea of where they should go.

Exiting the amusement park and crossing the road, they walked a few meters until they reached a café that didn’t have any fancy design but was quite cosy.

The bell tinkled as they entered, and new customers walked in.

“Hello. Can I have a cappuccino with salted caramel?” Shido turned to Sae, standing beside him, who told him his order. “And...a hot chocolate with cinnamon. And those two pastries, please. They’re not too sweet, right?”

The guys sat by the window, waiting for their order. There were not many people in the café at such a late hour, except for a couple of individuals with laptops. Clearly, they were students.

The drinks were ready quite soon, so Shido stood up to collect the order and place it on their table.

“Sure, we could go to a café and have something decent to eat, but I don’t eat late at night,” sighed Shido regretfully.

“Are you strict with your diet?” Sae asked in surprise.

“Not really...but I have to watch my figure like crazy,” Shido replied resignedly, using a knife and fork to eat a piece of pastry.

“Because of modelling?” Sae smirked. He still couldn’t believe it. That Shido modelled. 

“Yeah,” Shido grumbled, “I’m heading home for the weekend now to indulge in my mom’s cooking, and then in February, I’m flying to Milan. I can already imagine spending all my free time in the gym.”

Sae raised his eyebrows.

“To Milan? Why?” 

“Another spring collection. Chigiri also wants me to open the show. I don’t even believe in myself as much as he does,” Shido chuckled, “but he promised me he’d be nagging me all year long until I do it. Why doesn’t he get his boyfriend into modelling? I’ve only seen him once, but, damn my jaw dropped at how sexy he was. I feel like if he were a celebrity, everyone would be kneeling before him.”

Sae pondered as he chewed on his pastry, contemplating what Shido had just said.

Of course, later in the dormitory, he would check the blond’s Instagram and, scrolling through the posts, would see a photo of the Dior designer alongside the person he had doubted. In it, the guy with long pink hair would be smiling, embracing Shido around the waist. Shido himself, in his designer outfit, taller, would rest his head on the other’s crown and flash a ‘peace’ sign at the camera. And yet, Sae still couldn’t accept this fact.

“By the way, would you like to grab coffee together sometime later?” Shido asked, and only now did the pink-haired one snap out of his thoughts.

“I usually only drink coffee in the mornings. Are you ready to get up early for me?” Sae smirked, expecting a negative answer.

“Sure. Why not?” The blond shrugged, sipping his cappuccino.

Please, stop being...like this.

“How about tomorrow at nine?” Sae raised his eyebrow.

“Too late,” Shido shook his head, “Let’s make it half past eight. I have plans afterwards.”

“Okay. Same café?”

Shido wanted to nod and continue the conversation, but he noticed some movement from the side. He quickly turned his head and froze.

Snow was falling outside the window.

He jumped out of his seat.

“Itoshi! Get dressed quickly! It’s urgent!” He exclaimed joyfully, putting on his coat and scarf like a schoolboy who had ten minutes left before class started but hadn’t left yet, though he should have twenty.

Sae flinched and couldn’t understand the guy’s rush, but he picked up the pace and started putting on his coat. He hadn’t even finished wrapping his scarf or buttoning up when Shido took his hand and pulled him outside. There was a regular park next to the café and the amusement park, so Shido stopped only by the fountain, which, of course, wasn’t working. He still held the pink-haired one’s hand, and he raised his head and closed his eyes.

Only now did Sae notice the snow. He repeated the blond’s movement and also raised his head, but he didn’t close his eyes, watching the night sky, which was shrouded in clouds.

“Every year, I try to catch the first snowfall. Usually, Charles and I immediately rush out of the dorm in our slippers and home clothes just to feel that vibe,” Shido said, opening his eyes and laughing softly. He turned his head to Sae, whose hair already had a few snowflakes of various shapes and sizes. Charming.

“It seems you broke your little tradition,” Sae turned his head, meeting the other’s gaze.

“I have no regrets, and Charles will forgive me,” Shido smiled, taking out his headphones and phone, “I need to do something with you. Here.”

Sae was already accustomed to not asking or trying to find reasons for the blond’s actions, so he simply took the earphone and put it in his ear. Meanwhile, Shido placed his phone on the nearest bench, and suddenly, a song started playing in the earphones, or rather its excerpt.

It was the moment just before the chorus, and at that moment, Shido returned and extended his hand to Sae, making a small bow.

Sae took the other’s hand, and Shido immediately began to dance basic waltz steps.

“’Cause I’m Mrs. Snow, ’til death we’ll be freezing”

Sae simply tried to replicate the movements of the blond, adjusting to the rhythm of the music.

“Yeah, you are my home, my home for all seasons”

At first, Shido just took a step forward and a step back.

“So come on, let’s go”

Just before the chorus, Shido spun Sae under his arm, pulled him closer, placed his hand on his waist, and twirled him in a waltz, raising the other hand to face level.

“Let’s go below zero and hide from the sun”

Shido looked straight into Sae’s eyes, and the breath exhaled by both of them mingled in the air.

“I love you forever where we’ll have some fun”

Their legs slightly stumbled and tripped, but they didn’t care.

“Yes, let’s hit the North Pole and live happily”

Perhaps, if asked, Sae would name this moment as the one he would want to repeat in his life.

“Please, don’t cry no tears now, it’s Christmas, baby”

They continued to swirl to the music in their headphones.

“My snowman and me”

Perhaps they looked very silly from the outside, but Shido didn’t care, and Saë just didn’t want to disrupt such an atmosphere, even if he would feel embarrassed for it the next day.

The song abruptly stopped, not fully completed, because it was obviously a sound from TikTok, but the guys stood there for a while longer, pressing their bodies against each other and looking at each other. Both of their eyes sparkled, and neither wanted to leave this moment, but someone had to be the first to break it.

Luckily, it wasn’t Sae.

Someone called Shido’s phone, and Sae heard it because he was still wearing the other’s headphones. The pink-haired one thought Shido would switch the headset to the phone, but suddenly, he answered without even going to the device.

A familiar voice sounded in the earphones.

“Where are you wandering? Have you seen the time? If you don’t wake up tomorrow, you’ll get it not only from Loki but from me too.”

“Rin-chan, why are you acting like a mom?” Shido chuckled. “It’s strange to see you being caring.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Itoshi Jr. grumbled, clearly embarrassed by the fact that he had just shown concern. “You didn’t answer my questions, Leader-san,” the last address sounded like a mockery.

“I’m just out in the city,” Shido replied, shifting his gaze to Sae. “Nothing bad will happen to my sleep if I come back later.”

“What should I tell Charles? He’s running around the dormitory tearing his hair out because you’re not responding to his messages.”

In the background, an angry “I can’t sleep without you! Have some conscience!” Was heard.

Shido burst into laughter.

“Tell him I’ll be there soon. But the time for being a child is over. Why isn’t he sleeping?”

“Nanase showed him a horror movie.”

“I’ll kick Nanase’s ass. Let him know that.”

“Hah, okay. And send my regards to Sae. I know that you’re with him.”

The call ended.

Shido approached the bench to retrieve his phone and returned to Sae, who stood silently.

“Wow, it really is late. You probably have a schedule for tomorrow too, and here I am holding you up. Sorry. I’ll order a taxi for both of us now,” Shido awkwardly said, opening the ride-hailing app.

“Is our next rehearsal the last one before the performance?” Sae suddenly asked.

Shido stared thoughtfully at the sky, then backed down.

“If we don’t count the rehearsal right before the festival, then yes. Exactly a week from now, we’ll be performing. Why? Are you nervous?”

“No. Just wanted to make sure.”

“Okay.”

Sae returned the other’s earbud to its case and put his hands in his pockets, forcefully keeping them there to avoid reaching out to hold the blond’s hand again.

Sae’s taxi arrived first.

“Let me know when you get there, okay?” Shido asked, ushering the pink-haired one into the car. Sae nodded, and the door closed.

Already out of the shower in his own dormitory, Shido noticed new messages.

Itoshi Sae (<з)

I’ve arrived.

Thanks again.

And yeah, you can call me Sae.

Sae sat in the kitchen, drinking tea and scrolling through the news feed to find information about Shido. Oliver approached him, looking over his shoulder at an article about idol models, among whom Sae hoped to (not) see the blond featured inside of it. But, he did found Shido, zooming into the outfit in the feature and reading the excerpt about him.

“I somehow knew you were looking for Shido-kun,” the leader smirked.

Sae turned his head at the voice and met Oliver’s mocking gaze, who walked around the guy and sat down next to him.

“Actually, it’s amazing how in just almost four years after his debut, Shido managed to rise so high,” Oliver chuckled, pouring himself a glass of water.

“Did he show any promise for this in the beginning?” Sae asked. For once, he decided to talk to the members of his group, albeit about another idol.

“Of course. Remember the rookie whose dance skills were rated ninety-one, even though he had just debuted? You were upset about it back then, saying how is that even possible. He was still so young.”

Sae tried to recall something like that, and indeed, in his memory arose images of some group performing on stage, and Oliver whispered to him about it.

“I remember.”

“Well, that was Shido. Back then, everyone was surprised why he wasn’t the lead dancer,” Oliver shrugged. “It’s also amazing how he started his modelling career the next year. Literally many people chased after him to get him on magazine covers, but their manager rejected many of them because he didn’t want so much on the then-teenager’s plate.”

Sae sat, quite surprised because he didn’t think Shido was that famous.

He again looked at the phone screen, where a photo of the blond from some cover was staring at him.

“What are you guys talking about?” Sendo entered the kitchen, taking an apple from the table and biting into it.

“Sae decided to inquire about who he’s working with,” Oliver chuckled.

“Why do you need info about me from the internet? I can tell you myself,” Shuto genuinely wondered.

“Not about you,” Oliver rolled his eyes, tapping the guy on the forehead.

Sendo glanced at Sae’s phone and chuckled.

“I can’t believe our Sae started watching something about someone,” he smiled. “By the way, I adore P.X.G. I met them in the first year of their debut with Charles, and we still keep in touch.”

“Oh yeah,” Oliver chimed in, “Their energy on stage is off the charts. When I first saw their performance at the awards ceremony, I was blown away. Their dances are on a completely different level compared to ours. And they attract people to become fans with such amazing charisma. Sometimes my TikTok recommendations completely change, and I get a bunch of edits with them.”

“True that,” Sendo, chewing an apple, agreed. “But it’s not surprising with all of this. Shido is the main instigator there. He attracts the team so much that they have to be active. Charles even told me that it’s thanks to him that their group has become the leader among their generation, because the leader always drags everyone along to shows, where he alone could be invited, and he will force someone else or just not show up and send Rin or Nanase instead.”

“No way?!” Oliver exclaimed in surprise. “So he has such a strong influence on the celebrity world? I’m amazed. That explains why they all seem to promote each member equally.”

“With such a leader, you won’t get lost,” Sendo chuckled, shifting his gaze to Sae, who was attentively listening to them and analysing what he heard. “What do you think about him? You two seem to be spending a lot of time together lately. God, how does he even find free time? I want to know too.”

“We don’t really talk about celebrity stuff or our schedules, so overall, it’s nice to spend time with him. He’s not pushing too much, but he doesn’t let himself be forgotten, constantly reminding me that he’s still around,” Sae smirked, taking a sip of his now lukewarm tea. “I enjoy spending time with him. Not sure about him.”

“See what happens when you start talking to people,” Sendo smiled contentedly, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms across his chest. “You should start making more contacts.”

“Speaking of contacts. Our contract expires next year. Not hinting at anything, Sae, but you really should start thinking about connections. They’ll still invite you to places for a while, but then, most likely, you’ll become uninteresting to clients because there are plenty of people like Shido around. At one time, you could still be considered a genius among our generation, but times are changing, and the world isn’t standing still. I’ve noticed a lot of talented kids lately who are rapidly becoming more popular and influential on the world stage,” said Oliver. “Take Bachira Meguru from the recently debuted group, for example. This sunny kid has already attracted so much attention in a year that, I’m afraid, next year he’ll overshadow everyone.”

Lately, Sae had indeed been thinking about this more and more, especially after meeting Shido. Perhaps he should start being more proactive and making connections with influential people before his popularity plummeted even further.

To confirm his thoughts, all three of the guys turned their attention to the television, which had been on the whole time, and now there was a repeat of the day’s news.

“Now let’s move on to news from the world of stars. The participation of singers Shido Ryusei and Itoshi Rin from the idol group P.X.G. in fashion shows scheduled for late February-early March has been officially confirmed. Shido Ryusei has been selected as a runway model for the spring collection of Dior in Milan, making him the only fourth-generation idol to participate in such an event for the third time and the second time as a model. Reminder that this year Shido Ryusei was chosen as a global ambassador for Dior. As for Itoshi Rin, he will head to Paris for the Louis Vuitton fashion show as a special guest. We wish them both success and luck in the fashion industry. Now onto more scandalous news….”

“Exactly what I was talking about,” shrugged Oliver.

Sae simultaneously envied Shido and rejoiced in his successes. After all, he was only a year younger than himself. What was the secret to his success?

“Good night,” said Sae, getting up from the table.

Sendo’s jaw dropped, and when Sae’s figure disappeared into the hallway, he pointed a finger at the empty corridor.

“Did he just wish us a good night?”

“I’m shocked myself. Very rarely he wishes me good morning,” chuckled Oliver. “Let’s go to sleep too. We have a schedule in the morning.”

Chapter Text

Sae was already sitting in the same café, having a completely prepared order of two coffees and pastries. He glanced at his wristwatch, which showed that the agreed time had already passed slightly.

After some more time, the bell in the café rang, and a new visitor entered, wearing a long, open black coat, under which was a snow-white turtleneck sweater. He had piercings in his ears, his hair was not messy but rather neatly styled, and his face was made up. He paused at the door to look around and, upon spotting the person he was looking for, removed his earbuds and put them in their case as he walked toward him.

“Sorry, I’m late. The traffic was terrible, and the makeup artist took too long with my face,” Shido said, sitting in the chair opposite Sae. “Oh, Sae-chan, you already ordered for me! How sweet of you,” the blond said, sniffing at the aroma of the drink. “And with salted caramel, too! I adore you.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Sae replied with a reserved smile.

“Oh, by the way, before I forget, I have something for you!” Shido smiled in return, opening his bag (which looked very expensive and clearly branded) and taking out a small box with green velvet. “This is for you. There was a shop near the studio where we were getting our makeup done, and I could not pass by when I saw this because it immediately reminded me of you.”

The pink-haired boy looked at him in surprise and took the box, carefully opening it. The neatly packed turquoise pendant shone brightly in the sun inside the box. It also had a slight blue tint, making it even more beautiful.

“In the shop, they told me that the material is authentic tourmaline,” Shido said, taking a sip of his hot coffee.

Sae looked up at him in surprise. He did not expect Shido to buy him something like this. And overall...basically anything other than his favourite cookies.

“But...why?” Sae genuinely did not understand these actions towards him.

“Just because,” Shido shrugged, smiling. “Do you need a reason to make someone happy? I wanted to do something nice for you. Don’t you like it?” His face showed a flicker of uncertainty.

Sae shook his head negatively and smiled bashfully.

“Thank you. This is really...unexpected.”

“Need help fastening it?”

Sae nodded.

After a moment, the pendant shone against Sae’s black turtleneck, perfectly matching the colour of his eyes. Shido, full of admiration, closed his mouth and could not stop smiling. He had chosen the right colour, after all.

“I heard you’re going to participate in a fashion show,” Sae said casually.

“Yeah, that’s right,” Shido replied in an everyday tone as if it was no big deal. “It was pretty much expected, but there were a few issues that needed to be carefully considered. Loki only recently sorted everything out.”

“What issues?”

“The dates clashed with our ongoing world tour,” Shido sighed. “But luckily, everything worked out too well for me. Since the fashion show is in Italy, it turned out that we have a concert there on the same dates. The only thing is I’ll fly out later than the others, but it is no big deal. It’s at least better than Rin’s situation. Rin wasn’t lucky at all. His fashion show is in France while we’ll be in America at that time,” the blond snickered wickedly. “Good luck to him dealing with the jet lags.”

“How kind of you,” Sae smirked.

To avoid continuing the topic of schedules, Shido smoothly changed the subject.

He would have been happy to keep chatting with Sae, but unexpectedly, and sooner than anticipated, a very displeased Loki burst into the café. He approached the table where the boys were sitting and struck the side of his hand against his protégé’s head. Shido, taken by surprise, squeezed his eyes shut and yelped, sharply turning his head at the intruder.

“I’m going to kill you. Why the hell aren’t you answering your calls?!” The manager exclaimed. “What do you have a phone for? To play games and chat with friends?”

“Come on, Mom,” Shido grumbled, “I honestly didn’t see them.”

Loki squinted his eyes in disdain.

“I expect you to be in the car in two minutes.”

Just as quickly as he had entered, the man exited the café.

Shido sighed in frustration, standing up and finishing his coffee simultaneously.

“I’m really sorry, Sae-chan, but I have to go,” he said apologetically.

Sae tried to appear unbothered.

“How about coming back here tomorrow?” Sae carefully asked, his chest filled with a flicker of hope for another meeting (wait, what?).

Shido thought for a moment, biting his lip, then shook his head negatively.

“Unfortunately, I can’t. We’ll see each other only at rehearsal. I really have to go. See you!”

The blond shouted the last sentence, waving his hand as he dashed out the door. Sae watched him get into the car, which then drove away from the café in an unknown direction. Feeling empty and lonely, Sae picked up the gifted pendant, gently stroking it with his fingers and slightly smiling at the thoughtful present.

“You two look very cute together. Was that your boyfriend?” A café employee approached Sae to clear the empty plates and cups.

Blood rushed to Sae’s ears.

“No. He’s...he’s my colleague,” the pink-haired boy stammered.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. When you came in yesterday, I was so touched by the way that guy looked at you. And today, too, his gaze hasn’t changed. People usually look at their loved ones like that,” the worker explained awkwardly. “Please forgive me again,” she bowed and quickly retreated to the counter, leaving Sae alone with his thoughts.

Loved one? Cute together?

Sae received a message from his manager on his phone and promptly gathered his things to head to the group’s scheduled location. There was no time to think about anything else right now.

He tried not to think about it, but on his way back to the dormitory, Sae received a notification about a live broadcast from P.X.G. His finger twitched, and the image began loading on the screen.

Charles was on screen, glancing between the camera and something happening off-screen, indicated by various noises, crashes, and bangs. The group member laughed loudly, covering his mouth with his hand and nearly hitting his head on the table. The comments were filled with surprised emojis and question marks.

Sae was about to close the broadcast, but he stopped when someone appeared, rolling up to Charles on a swivel chair and crashing into him. Charles caught the person in time, preventing both of them from falling.

Charles: “Shido-san! You almost killed me!”

Shido laughs and apologises.

Shido: “I didn’t mean to! It’s all the chair’s fault!”

Charles: “But you were the one on the chair! So it’s your fault!”

Shido: “Leave me alone.”

Charles pouts and crosses his arms over his chest.

Shido: “No, you can’t just get mad at me. You wouldn’t dare.”

Charles sighs and turns back to Shido.

Charles: “Alright, you know me too well. But you owe me a trip to K.F.C.”

Shido glances at the comments.

Shido: “‘It must be nice being the youngest in the group,’ right, Charles?”

Charles: “No, not at all. My seniors always tease and bully me. Especially Shido-san.”

Shido: “Slander and provocation! You just said recently that I’m your favorite group member and that if I were a girl, you’d date me.”

Charles: “How dare you use my own spell against me?!”

Shido stuck out his tongue and turned back to the screen.

Charles: “I take back what I said. Dating you would be awful.”

Shido turned his head to his friend and squinted.

Shido: “Ha? Why?!”

Charles: “You’d be an annoyingly cloying boyfriend. It’s impossible to argue with you because you always do things your own way, and then you’ll insist it was better that way.”

Shido: “You still can’t forget the time you lost the argument about Rin-chan, can you?”

Charles: “Yeah.”

Shido: “‘What’s the story?’ Oh, right, it was back during our pre-debut days. We didn’t know each other’s forbidden topics yet, and Charles and I bet on how quickly we could get Rin-chan to lose his temper and irritate him. Charles bet I couldn’t do it in a minute. I said I could, and I did. He lost.”

Shido snickered maliciously.

Charles: “Who knew you knew his weak spot?!”

Shido: “I didn’t know it, actually. I just guessed.”

Shido laughed loudly, throwing his head back in a fit of laughter and covering his eyes with his hand.

Charles: “Oh, now you’re all curious about it too? You guys already know. Someone in the comments mentioned that you brought bean paste. No, guys, Rin-san is fine with bean paste. That incident...well, never mind.”

Shido stopped laughing, leaving just a smile on his face.

Shido: “You just had bad luck that I’m sociable. I figured out Rin-chan’s weakness even before we met.”

Charles looked thoughtful.

Charles: “You’re talking about...?”

Shido: “Yep.”

Charles: “God, I’m still amazed you managed that.”

Shido winked at his friend and turned back to the screen.

Shido: “‘Do you have any funny nicknames within the group that we don’t know about?’”

Charles: “Yes. Nanase-san is unanimously recognised as our sunshine. Even Loki-san sometimes calls him that. Shido-san is the cockroach.”

Shido: “Ugh, stop it.”

Charles: “Grow your hair out properly, and then we’ll talk. So, um, Zantetsu-san is too smart for this world for us to come up with nicknames for him.”

Shido leaned closer to the camera and whispered.

Shido: “He has one, but we won’t hurt his feelings.”

Charles: “We used to call Rin-san a grump, but recently a new nickname has come up.”

Shido: “Shhh, let me tell this!”

Charles: “Go ahead, go ahead.”

Shido: “Rin-chan got a new nickname that he almost killed me for at first, but now he’s used to it. It was totally accidental. Anyway.”

Shido was overcome with laughter again, but amidst the laughter, he managed to finish his sentence.

Shido: “Now...haha...Rin-chan is now…haha...Junior Eyelash...haha!”

Charles couldn’t hold back and laughed along with his friend. It took them a few minutes to calm down.

Charles: “You just didn’t see Rin-san’s face when Shido-san called him that. It would have definitely sparked World War III.”

Shido: “God, the main thing is not to accidentally call Sae-chan that, or both of them will kill me.”

Charles: “Aren’t you afraid he might be watching the broadcast right now?”

Shido looked directly at the camera, pondered for a moment, then back at his friend.

Shido: “Doubt it. He’s not particularly interested in stuff like this.”

Shido shrugged, and at that moment, he received a message on his phone. Chaos erupted in the comments as everyone started asking about Shido and Sae’s relationship together.

Charles glanced at his friend’s phone screen and covered his mouth with his hand, quietly chuckling.

Meanwhile, Shido looked back at the camera with a serious expression.

Shido: “Sae-chan, don’t worry, I won’t call you Junior Eyelash Senior. At least, I’ll honestly try not to.”

Charles: “Just so you know, Itoshi-san wrote with a dramatic period at the end, telling Shido-san not to dare call him Junior Eyelash Senior.”

Then, another message came through.

Charles smiled, reading the contents.

Charles: “Well, well, well. Oh, here they ask how we met and how you managed to convince Itoshi-san to drop that trend and the photos.”

Shido locked his phone screen, chuckling.

Shido: “There’s nothing special about how we met. Just agency cooperation.”

Charles: “You know, it stopped looking like cooperation when....”

Shido immediately silenced his friend with his hand and innocently smiled at the camera.

Shido: “When I wanted to be friends with him. Yep. That’s it. The photos and trend are the result of my painstaking efforts to win Sae-chan’s heart. Do you even know how warm it really is? Any Sae-chan fans here? Oh, I see. Guys, you’ve got some really good taste.”

Meanwhile, Charles freed himself from Shido’s hand and wiped his mouth with his sweater sleeve.

Charles: “You’ve summoned Itoshi-san’s army of fans. What have you done?”

Shido laughed and shrugged. Together, Shido and Charles continued to look at the comments.

Charles: “Here, people are suggesting that you ask Itoshi-san out on a date.”

Shido: “Do you think he’ll agree?”

A message popped up on Shido’s phone, and after a brief glance at just one word, he smirked and looked back at the screen.

Shido: “Alright, Sae-chan. I’ll give it a shot. How about going on a date with such a wonderful guy like me?”

Shido glanced at the incoming message and smiled, then promptly locked his phone.

Charles: “What did he say? We’re all waiting!”

Shido: “Hmm. Want a lot, get little. And besides.…”

Suddenly, the door behind the guys swung open, revealing only a body that clearly came with malicious intent.

Shido: “Oh, Junior Eyelash, we were just talking about you.”

Rin: “Want to do ten sets of twenty push-ups instead of the training you idiots should be doing right now?!”

Charles: “Oops.”

Shido: “Oops.”

Rin left, and Charles and Shido turned back to the screen.

Charles: “I don’t want to train.”

Shido: “Me neither. My muscles still hurt from last time….”

Charles: “Life...Rin-san is too harsh. ‘Spoil something’ — guys, what spoilers? The staff is sitting across from us, threatening us with their fists and knives if we leak any songs.”

Shido took Charles’s hand and, leaving it in a horizontal motion, ran his face along it, getting close to Charles’s face, who immediately recoiled. Shido smiled with a squint and stepped back.

Charles: “Shido-san, aren’t you ashamed to flirt during the broadcast?”

Shido: “You’re too sweet.”

Charles rolled his eyes.

Charles: “Nowhere is safe from him...ever since pre-debut, it’s been the same….”

Shido: “Don’t dramatise. I’ll remind you later in the room.”

Charles: “Oh no.…”

They chatted briefly on other topics before ending the broadcast because Rin started sending them angry messages.

“Here we are,” Oliver announced, glancing around at the participants. Someone had fallen asleep during the journey back home, someone was listening to music, and someone was Sae, who had been watching the broadcast the whole time.

Sae couldn’t even contain his smile as he watched the live stream because there was Shido, who was joking and laughing a lot. For the pink-haired guy, it was quite difficult to contain his emotions in Shido’s presence. It was immediately noticeable through the broadcast how comfortable he was being around Charles. He understood that there was clearly nothing more than friendship between them, despite what the fans assumed (yes, Sae was reading posts on Twitter discussing many moments from another group, and TikTok even started suggesting edits to him).

There were still unread messages from Sae on his phone, which he had been sending during the live stream. Not surprisingly, they had a training session now.

Putting the device in his coat pocket, Sae exited the car following the group, and only when he returned to the room did he take it out to check the notifications that had come in during his absence. Among them was a message from Shido.

Itoshi Sae (me):

Don’t you dare call me “Eyelashes Senior.”

I appreciate that.

Well, take a risk.

I agree.

Hope you don’t get killed.

Shido Ryusei:

I’m alive.

Almost.

Being chased.

[Video message] (Sae pressed the message, and immediately Shido’s face appeared there, but after a second, the camera switched to the back, and Sae saw Rin standing in a threatening pose, with Nanase and Charles huddling in the corner, trembling with fear. Shido himself was heavily breathing in the background and said, “They’re not after me anymore.” Somewhere in the middle of the room, Zantetsu stood, shaking his head with his hand on his forehead, saying, “Guys, let’s not fight.” Shido laughed, amidst laughter, saying, “Who’s fighting? Rin-chan, you look like a dog.” Rin turned his angry gaze to the leader, and the recording cut off.)

Itoshi Sae (me):

Are you okay?..

There was no response for quite some time.

Shido Ryusei:

no

yes

don’t know

I’m tired lol

by the way

were you serious about the date???

Itoshi Sae (me):

And you?

Shido Ryusei:

I’m in

Itoshi Sae (me):

Then count me in, too.

Shido Ryusei:

..............

HOLY SHIT

I’M GOING ON A DATE WITH ITOSHI SAE HIMSELF

oh, damn

wait

I can only do it in January: (((((

Itoshi Sae (me):

No problem. I also have a packed schedule.

Shido Ryusei:

I’ll try to prepare the best date!!!

Itoshi Sae (me):

Great. :).

Chapter Text

On the day of their final rehearsal before the performance, Sae arrived on time. Still, everyone was in the hall except Shido. The backup dancers were already warming up, and upon the appearance of the pink-haired figure, they bowed in greeting.

“Shido said we should start without him,” one of the dancers stated.

Sae could only nod and wonder about the reason.

Only half an hour after the training and rehearsal had begun, Sae and the dancers were in the midst of practising when Shido entered the room. Sae immediately noticed he wasn’t wearing his usual coat, opting instead for grey athletic pants and an oversized white t-shirt. His hair was noticeably damp and tied back.

He tossed his bag near the couch and approached all the dancers.

“You look awful,” snickered one of the dancers.

“Ignore how I look,” Shido waved off, heading to the music console.

“Aren’t you going to warm up?” the same guy continued in surprise.

“I’ve already warmed up in the gym,” the blond smirked mildly, turning on the music player for the soundtrack. “Let’s start from the beginning, then I’ll need to see what we need to work on.”

Sae noticed Shido looked tired, with concealer-covered eye bags under his eyes. They had just seen each other recently. Had something happened in such a short time span? Or was it a cumulative thing?

Shido occasionally interjected his comments during the practice, but it seemed as if all his energy had been drained in an instant. His movements were still precise and fluid as the dance allowed, but there was no joy in his eyes or on his face. It pained Sae to watch him. Several times, Sae had almost broken their movements to offer some tactile encouragement. Still, he stopped himself, reminding himself that it wasn’t his place and unlikely to be of any help.

And yet….

“Thank you all for the rehearsal. See you at the festival rehearsal day,” Shido falsely smiled, clapping his hands and bowing simultaneously to bid farewell to the dancers.

As the last one left through the door, Sae approached Shido, placing a hand on his shoulder as he drank water. Shido flinched and turned.

"Are you okay?"

“Huh…?” Shido hesitated, then seemed to snap back into awareness. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine,” another fake smile. “Sorry, Sae-chan, I have to go. I’d love to talk more with you, but….”

Arms closed around Shido’s waist, and he was pulled against another body. The pink-haired head rested on the blond’s shoulder, its owner closing their eyes.

“Please, never lie to me.”

Sae felt a trembling body, and Shido embraced the boy in response with shaking hands, burying his face in his neck. Sae’s sweater tightened against his back as they tried to hold each other closer. In response, he stroked Shido’s back, and they stood in the centre of the hall in silence for some time. Only a couple of minutes later did Sae realize that Shido was silently crying, biting his lip to stifle any unnecessary sounds. Sae pressed his lips together and said nothing. He simply stood there silently, supporting him.

Shido was the first to step back, looking anywhere but at the boy in front of him.

Sae noticed the slight redness of the other’s nose and that his makeup had smudged slightly, but it was not anything critical.

“I...really have to go. They are waiting for me,” Shido weakly smiled, turning away to grab his bag from the couch, “See you on Sunday,” he waved, still not looking at Sae, and left the rehearsal hall.

Sae logged into the message conversation with Shido to send a batch of TikTok videos with animals he had saved. It was the least he could do in a situation where he did not even know the reason behind the boy’s state.

Not that they had communicated much in the days leading up to the festival because Shido was clearly busy, and Sae...well, he was busy too. Their group was swamped, and so were rehearsals for their festival dance.

But when he saw Shido smiling with P.X.G., a weight lifted off his heart. He was genuinely glad that the blond seemed to be back to normal and everything should be fine. Sae tried not to dwell on how much he missed him or….

Damn, he noticed me.

Microphones were being distributed to his group when Sae scanned the room, turning his head back and forth. His gaze settled on Sae, who stood near the stage below the tables. Shido immediately waved enthusiastically and grinned widely.

I want to hug him. I really want to do that.

“Sae, let’s go. We’re up next for rehearsal,” Oliver touched his shoulder, gesturing towards backstage.

Sae didn’t see the blond’s smile fade as he received no return greeting.

The next time they were able to meet more intimately was during their own rehearsal. Shido was already on stage when Sae arrived. His manager stood beside him, giving instructions, so Shido didn’t immediately notice Sae’s arrival. The pink-haired man walked past the dancers and approached Shido, embracing him from behind before he could react.

The blond flinched and turned his head. His locks froze halfway through his sentence.

“Oh my god, Sae-chan, why do you scare me like that? What did I do to deserve this?” Shido exclaimed in surprise, not managing to place his hands over the others, as Sae had already stepped back with a light smile.

“Anyway, you got it?” Loki continued, setting down his phone and preparing to leave.

“No, you didn’t get me,” Shido’s expression changed as soon as he turned away from Sae to the manager. “I said no means no. You want Charles instead? I don’t care what the agency wants from me. Don’t involve outsiders here, okay? Conversation’s over.”

Shido turned completely away from the manager to face Sae.

“Let’s get started. We’re on a tight schedule!” He said brightly.

Loki descended displeased towards the group standing below near the stage. Rin smirked knowingly at their manager, understanding the gist of the conversation.

“I told you he wouldn’t agree,” Rin chuckled to Loki. “Don’t you know Ryusei, do you?”

The music started, and all the guys turned their heads towards the stage at once.

“At last, we’ll see Shido-san’s legendary dance,” said Charles excitedly.

“I’m more interested in how Sae will dance it,” Rin said indifferently, though inwardly, he was eagerly anticipating it.

Of course, Sae and Shido weren’t yet in their stage costumes, but even in rehearsal, they captivated attention. Nanasae and Charles kept pointing towards the stage, enthusiastically bouncing in place, admiring their leader’s vocals and the movements of Sae.

“He put his hand on his waist,” Charles squealed joyfully.

“How did Sae allow that?” Nanase smiled, echoing the member’s emotions.

Zantetsu stood watching it all with an impassive face, just like Rin.

“Sae’s movements are quite smooth, reminiscent of Hyuna’s from the original dance,” he remarked, adjusting his glasses, but was interrupted by another squeal from Charles.

“Shido-san looks like a cat! Damn, they removed the move where Hyuna did that sexy shoulder thing on that guy whose name I can’t remember.”

“That’s a huge oversight,” Nanasae chimed in. “Just imagine if they also cut those moves at the end?”

“Damn it,” groaned Charles, “I want to see Shido-san’s reaction with that impassive face of his when his crush does that to him.”

Rin rolled his eyes at this.

“They actually removed it,” Charles and Nanasae exclaimed simultaneously in dismay, as instead of Sae running his hands over Shido’s chest from behind, he simply leaned on the blond’s shoulder while he continued to sing.

“You jinxed it,” Rin tapped his friend’s shoulder.

“What could I have done? Maybe they didn’t cut the last bit!”

“I don’t understand what you were expecting,” Rin chuckled, arms crossed over his chest. “Sae hates physical contact, and especially this kind.”

“They even cut the part where Hyuna was practically hugging that guy,” Charles pouted, slouching. Nanasae patted his friend on the back.

“Yeah, they could’ve at least pretended to kiss,” Zantetsu shook his head as the song ended, and both guys on stage stood side by side instead of in a provocative pose: Shido looking at Sae and the latter looking in the opposite direction.

“I’m disappointed,” sighed Nanasae. “I expected more from Shido-san. I don’t see his full sexuality in this dance, nor from Sae,” he shook his head. “I’m going to the makeup artist.”

“I’m coming with you,” Charles sighed doomedly, hoping for the same outcome in the dance.

“I actually liked it. Both of them have amazing dance styles that complement each other perfectly,” shrugged Zantetsu, turning to follow the others. “Rin, let’s go, or we’ll be late.”

The group headed towards the makeup rooms, leaving Sae and Shido with the dancers on stage. The latter discussed something with the backup dancers, while Sae felt that something was missing. He was used to deriving maximum pleasure from every dance he performed on stage, but even after so many rehearsals, he didn’t feel satisfied. He wasn’t even sure if it looked good enough in the audience to boast about. He wanted...more chemistry between him and Shido? After all, they needed to do something with their hands.

Before Sae’s eyes was that other performance, which he had rewatched several times after the first viewing to understand how he should dance as the girl. He remembered Hyuna’s smooth movements across the guy’s body and how aesthetically pleasing it looked, then shifted his gaze to Shido, nervously biting his lower lip.

What if...? But what’s the point of changing after so many rehearsals? What if Shido just doesn’t get it? Or would it be better to talk about it? Shido’s good at talking. Oh.

“Sae-chan, we’re done!” the blond called out. “Let’s go!”

Sae shook his head and followed Shido as another group was already taking the stage.

“Can I ask you something?” Sae asked, receiving an affirmative nod in response. “What were you talking about with your manager before I came?” He inquired, catching up to the blond.

“Oh, that,” Shido sighed tensely, biting his lip. “Fan service. He wanted me to do more fan service with you, especially since we’ve been getting attention lately. I refused because I don’t want to do that with you,” he caught Sae’s confused look and quickly waved his hands, “Not because I dislike you. On the contrary, I know you’re not fond of showing affection, especially in public, so I don’t want you to feel obligated. My group already has plenty of that fan service going on,” and he ran a straight palm over his forehead.

“Why?” Their shoulders brushed against each other as they walked towards their dressing rooms; meanwhile, Shido greeted almost everyone they encountered along the way.

“Well, we have quite tactile members, so when the agency noticed the interactions between us, they told some people to show more skinship and all that crap. Take me and Charles, for example. We’ve been super close since our trainee days, and when fans saw our closeness, numerous shipper comments started pouring in. Now, in public, we not only have to flirt with each other constantly but also touch each other even more. It’s not disgusting, of course, but in the dorm away from the public, Charles doesn’t let himself cling to me for no reason and bombard me with romantic jokes like ‘Are your parents bakers by any chance? Then where did they get such a cutie?’” Shido chuckled. “The situation with Rin-chan is even more amusing. He can’t stand it when someone touches his hair or flirts with him in general, and the fans know it well. So when Nanase-kun does that to him in public, he has to endure it because the agency said so, and the fans go crazy happy about it. So, yeah,” Shido awkwardly ran his hand through his hair. “That’s why I don’t want to drag you into this. I enjoy spending time with you,” they reached Shido’s dressing room, and he leaned towards him, “but I don’t want to share you with anyone else and I want everything to be mutual,” he spoke softly, his warm breath brushing against Sae’s skin, then pulled back. “See you.”

Shido smiled one last time and disappeared behind the door, where loud shouts and laughter immediately followed from all of the people there.

Sae touched his cheeks with the back of his hand and found them burning. Only now did he realize how fast his heart had been beating all the time he was talking with Shido.

A sudden thought flashed through his mind that he wouldn’t mind such fanservice if it meant Shido would flirt with him the way he does with Charles in public.

The pink-haired one returned to his dressing room, where he was promptly seated in front of a mirror to start getting ready.

He immersed himself in thoughts about the upcoming performance, debating whether he should still dance the first version or not when someone unexpectedly entered the dressing room. Sae opened his eyes and immediately widened them, seeing Shido enter.

“Well, well, what brings you here?” Oliver smirked, waiting for his turn on the couch while snacking.

“Not to you, don’t worry,” Shido shrugged, then caught the eye of the makeup artist sitting in the chair.

Looking at the blond, the elder realized that Shido had only had his makeup done so far, apparently for the performance with the group. He looked quite natural with a hint of shimmer on his cheeks.

“Here, a refreshing drink for an electrifying evening,” the guy smiled, placing a glass with a drink in front of Sae. It clearly smelled like coffee mixed with something fruity.

“You bought this...specifically for me?” Sae frowned, noticing the smile on the makeup artist’s face, who quickly looked away.

“Yeah, I went to get drinks for my guys, like I usually do for these shows, and decided to get one for you too,” the guy shrugged. “Hope you like it. They didn’t have the syrup you like.”

Sae’s expression softened.

"Thank you."

“Oliver, why aren’t you as much of a leader as Shido, huh? Where are our drinks?” Someone from the group groaned.

“Do you have legs? Yes. Then go get them yourself,” Aiku rolled his eyes.

Shido chuckled softly, looking at his phone screen where a message had just arrived.

“I should go. Make sure to watch our performance,” the blond winked and, bidding farewell to the others, left the dressing room.

Sae really tried to suppress a smile, biting the inside of his cheek, but it was all too obvious. He was charmed by Shido. Very much so.

The pink-haired one met Shido only in the waiting room, just before P.X.G. were supposed to perform next, followed by U-20. Stepping inside, Sae saw the entire group, each adjusting their microphones onto their stage costumes. Scanning everyone, Sae tried his hardest to delay inspecting Shido’s costume, but ultimately, his gaze fixated on him.

“Damn it, Charles, please help. I can’t get this damn microphone attached,” sighed the doomed blond, who wore a simply stunning outfit.

The snow-white costume fit the guy perfectly, with nothing under the jacket but bare skin, held together by mere promises and prayers (and a pin). His hair was slicked back as usual, secured with black hairpins that stood out against his light hair, and his eyes were accentuated below. The entire ensemble was completed with a white choker around his neck, adorned with a flower of the same colour on the side.

The rest of the group wore pastel-coloured outfits similar in style but not as revealing. Some had bare arms (Nanase), and others exposed their midriffs (Rin), but none of them caught Sae’s interest.

“Shido-san, when will you learn to handle it yourself?” Charles rolled his eyes, asking Shido to turn his back to him.

“You know I’ve always had issues with this,” Shido chuckled, complying with his friend’s request and turning his back to him, facing Sae. They looked at each other for a moment, and then Shido smiled at him, and it felt like the ground was slipping out from under Sae.

Charles noticed the pink-haired one and waved at him.

A girl entered the waiting room.

“Minute of readiness. P.X.G., you’re up,” she said. “You’re next. Be prepared,” she addressed the other group and left.

“Alright, Rin-chan, wipe that damn look off your face, for God’s sake,” Shido chuckled, pushing Rin in the back, and the others followed. “No complaints about anyone else.”

“Fuck off,” Rin snorted back but allowed himself to be pushed along.

“Good luck with your performance,” Sae quietly said as Shido walked past.

“Thanks,” Shido replied softly, turning back and leaving the room.

Chapter Text

Sae settled onto the couch, crossing his legs and looking up at the screen where the hosts were chatting. Off to the side, the necessary props for the next performing group were being set up. Honestly, Sae was looking forward to all the performances. Although he had only caught a glimpse of the rehearsal for P.X.G.’s original song, he doesn’t know which song they will cover in their performance.

When the first notes of the song played and Shido appeared on the screen, Sae covered his mouth in shock. The soothing melody of ‘Love Talk’ by WayV filled the air, accompanied by its gentle choreography and meaningful lyrics. The cameraman was doing an excellent job; the angles were so stunning they took his breath away. The boys’ voices were equally captivating.

Sae even appreciated his younger brother’s rap, which periodically took centre stage and drew attention. Charles’ voice was very soft, while Nanase’s was deep and lower. Zantetsu’s rap, of course, paled in comparison to Rin’s, but it was still mesmerising. Yet, at the forefront was Shido’s vocal performance. His velvety tone enveloped Sae from head to toe, making him want to listen to it twenty-four-seven. 

To be honest, Sae never thought that Shido could hit those high notes, but he was pleasantly surprised. The blond created a strong impression that his true role in P.X.G. was rapping, but his singing — especially during his solo moment near the end when the group formed a circle around him — made it feel like Shido was the centre of everything (maybe he was, at least for Sae). And he knew it. He relished his solo. Even the joint rap by Rin and Zantetsu couldn’t overshadow the pleasant aftertaste left by Shido’s voice, which beautifully concluded the song.

There was no fairy-tale ending. As the group turned and exited the stage into darkness, Sae was sure the crew immediately began their work, rearranging the props while the boys changed outfits. The host appeared on the large screen, discussing Christmas, and just as she finished, the lights went out, only to flicker back on an instant later at the other end of the stage. A mist rolled across the floor, surrounded by bright floral decorations that shimmered under the colourful spotlights.

P.X.G. came on stage, ready to perform one of their original songs. The group’s choreography featured lifts and numerous touches among the members. Unlike their previous cover, their movements were sharper and more precise, shifting the mood of their music. At one point, Shido lay in the arms of the group, and their dance formation resembled a star with intertwined hands. In another moment, they formed the shape of a flower, their new outfits — translucent shirts and satin trousers of various colours — sparkling like snow on a cloudless night.

After a vibrant and electrifying finale with Shido at the centre, their performance concluded, and the audience erupted into applause and cheers from excited fans. The large screen began to showcase the group members one by one, each displaying their unique expressions as part of the finale. Rin, with a serious face, made cat ears with his fingers; Charles playfully stuck out his tongue, revealing his fang; Nanase beamed widely while flashing a peace sign; Zantetsu adjusted his glasses; and finally, Shido appeared, breathing heavily. Noticing the camera, he looked directly into it, smirking and winking while biting his lower lip.

“Does he think he looks sexy like that?” Sendo scoffed, breaking the silence as they all intensely watched the digital screen.

Well…Shido did look sexy like that, so he was correct in making that expression.

Sae felt tingling in his fingers, desperately wanting to touch Shido as soon as possible. However, he knew he wouldn’t get the chance in the next ten minutes due to his own performance with the group. But after that...? They already had the rehearsed dance they would do together; there would be no more opportunities until they were on stage.

But I want to do it so much….

“Sae, let’s go on stage,” Aiku said, touching the member’s arm, causing him to flinch as he regretted that the touch was not from the person he wished it were.

They made their way down the dimly lit corridor toward the stage when they encountered the group that had just performed. Four of them simply nodded at U-20 in greeting, while the last member stopped to smile at Sae as he passed. Shido grabbed the sleeve of his jacket, not fully touching him, and quietly said:

“Good luck with your performance.” 

Sae pulled his arm away so that Shido’s hand no longer held onto the fabric. In a moment of longing, he brushed his pinky finger against Shido’s, intertwining them for a couple of seconds.

“Thank you.” 

For a brief moment, surprise flashed across Shido’s face, followed by a light smile and a wave of his hand.

And still, I want more, Sae thought, clenching his fists until his nails hurt as he stepped onto the stage with the group. 

Their U-20 group performance concluded with Sae’s firmly deciding to dance to the original version of their collaborative song so he wouldn’t regret missing the opportunity to showcase himself in what felt almost like a solo project (and, of course, to touch Shido more than just with their pinkies, as if they were schoolboys rather than grown men). This desire was so strong that if it weren’t for his emotional restraint, he would have started bouncing with impatience in the waiting room.

Sae had wanted to cross paths with Shido before the performance, but it seemed that Shido had vanished into thin air, as he was nowhere to be found. This meant that during the break between performances, Sae was sitting in the hall with his group. He also needed to go to the stylist and makeup artist for a new look for the duet performance.

Sitting in the chair in front of the mirror, Sae had already donned his new look and was currently watching as his eyes were outlined in black, accentuating the dark outfit he wore. He had opted out of wearing black gloves, but the leather pants with two belts on his right thigh, two belts on his waist, and a black shirt with a brooch near his heart perfectly highlighted his slim waist. He liked his stylist, but the stylist from P.X.G. was also quite charming, often blushing around him while handing over the outfit.

Sae only saw his dance partner right before they stepped on stage. As he approached, putting on his microphone, Shido smiled at the pink-haired boy. Sae held his breath at how well the suit fit the blond. Shido was dressed in a black suit with a blue sheen that matched his colour scheme, while his shirt was black and blue horizontally striped, unbuttoned at two buttons, exposing his chest. A small pendant hung from his neck, swaying from side to side as he fidgeted with the microphone. Sae noticed several rings on Shido’s fingers.

He felt an intense desire to simply touch Shido, which was difficult to suppress. To avoid raising suspicions or attracting sideways glances, Sae approached him and extended his hand toward the microphone.

“Let me help,” he said, intercepting Shido’s hand and pulling it away from his futile attempts to attach the device to his pants.

“Sae-chan, you’re my saviour,” Shido smiled, withdrawing his hands to avoid getting in the way.

Sae noticed that his fingers trembled slightly as he engaged in what seemed like his usual pre-performance preparations, but this time it was with Shido, and that was the problem.

“One minute to readiness!” Announced the assistant from backstage. 

Sae took a sudden step back, distancing himself and trying to restrain himself from making any foolish moves. In a hurry, he blurted out, “I need to go to the other side,” tripping over his own foot as he made his way across the backstage area. Shido blinked in surprise, not understanding what had just happened, but the microphone was perfectly secured, which pleased him.

The first notes, resembling a whistle, began to play, and both boys emerged in the red spotlight, with a Christmas tree somewhere off to the side. They moved to the rhythm as they walked toward each other, as if on a balcony. Their steps, in time with the music, were accompanied by the clicking of their shoes.

Shido flashed his stage smile and gallantly extended his hand, which Sae took, gently squeezing it. He could once again feel the smoothness of Shido’s skin, sending shivers down his spine. If the situation allowed, Sae would have taken his hand completely, intertwining their fingers.

Being led by Shido, he descended from the small platform into the centre of the stage. Fans, recognising the familiar melody, erupted into enthusiastic screams, their voices raw with excitement. The members of both groups joined in, shouting joyfully to support their teammates alongside the fans.

Parodying the original dancer of HyunA in his unique style, Sae moved smoothly to the rhythm of the music, singing along with Shido. After finishing his lines, Shido stepped closer to Sae but maintained a specific distance, just as they had agreed.

Sae felt a sense of impending doom, knowing he was about to ruin everything. 

Shido, following their rehearsals, didn’t expect anything to go wrong. But unexpectedly, something happened.

For instance, the placement of Sae’s fingers didn’t match what they practised during rehearsals.

They weren’t supposed to be on my chest, were they? Sae-chan was just supposed to stand beside me, right? So why…were his fingers now gliding from my chest to my shoulder as if it were part of the original routine?

Okay, fine. Just keep following the dance.

Here, I place my palms over Sae-chan’s hands on his hips, dancing alongside him. Everything is going smooth — wait, what?

Shido, dancing as he had in rehearsal, did not plan to get too close during the part where he was meant to approach Sae’s face, brushing his face along his arm. He thought it might make his partner uncomfortable. 

But…did Sae move closer himself? Were our noses actually touching for a moment? What?

Damn, what are you doing, Sae-chan? Did you suddenly decide to revert to the original version? Because if so, I can’t be responsible for the consequences. Give me a sign if I can allow myself to go further.

Shido’s breath brushed against the cheek of Sae, leaving him with a lingering heat sensation as if there was a burn there.

Despite feeling extremely nervous, Sae confidently led his part, trembling inside but trying not to show it. Every touch they had practised was now tingling, not just in his fingers, but throughout his entire body wherever Shido’s hands made contact.

Their backs pressed closely together as Sae placed a hand on Shido’s waist, sliding it up and down his thigh, almost crouching down before standing back up. Shido felt shivers run down his skin from this action, yet to the audience, both boys appeared relaxed, wearing smirks and confident expressions as if it had all been choreographed.

At that moment, Sae had to bite the inside of his cheek to suppress a smile that threatened to escape.

However, if one were to look at the audience, they would see Charles and Nanase with their mouths agape, astonished by the performance unfolding on stage. (This moment, actually, would later become a popular meme on the internet from a fan photographing their expressions to the dance, but for now, both group members had their mouths covered with their hands.)

“Did they deliberately keep this from us?” The younger one whispered softly.

“I don’t know…but this looks way much better than their rehearsal,” Nanase replied in a similarly hushed tone.

“Ryusei-san is probably in shock,” Charles chuckled.

Meanwhile, Shido placed his hand on Sae’s lower back, continuing to dance while hoping his voice didn’t tremble.

Turning his back to the audience, the blond wondered what Sae would do next. To his surprise, Sae wrapped his arms around Shido’s waist, pressing himself closely against him, leaning on one hip and resting a hand on his shoulder. Shido tilted his head slightly to catch Sae’s gaze, managing to hold it for a few seconds.

He saw in Sae’s eyes not only a desire to dance but also enjoyment in the moment. There was a passion there, not just for the dance, but for Shido himself. Sae truly wanted to bring the original version of their dance to life on stage. And who was Shido to deny him that?

The blond smirked, adjusting the energy of his movements. As he began his small dance solo during the break between the chorus and the next verse, it was evident that he was dancing with more passion and intensity, as if they were performing a tango rather than a contemporary style.

Sae was certain that Shido would likely execute everything correctly from the original dance, so he didn’t even consider the possibility of him making a mistake in the movements or transitions. However, he never expected that Shido would respond with the same passionate intensity. The heat of Shido’s body and the vibrant emotions emanating from him reached Sae, even through the thick fabric of his outfit.

Watching Sae as he began the verse, Shido approached him confidently, standing beside him and allowing Sae to move around him, occasionally touching his shoulders or brushing against the sleeve of his jacket. He paid no attention to the fans’ screams, which only grew more loudly with each display of their passion. For Shido, there was only one person on that stage — Sae — looking at him with a deep and intimate gaze during his performance. They danced in perfect sync, as if they were one entity, with Sae using the dance to express everything he couldn’t say aloud. Shido felt like a translator, effortlessly interpreting Sae’s unspoken words.

Instead of placing both hands on Sae’s, Shido rested one hand on his hip and the other on his shoulder, drawing even closer and letting his warm breath graze Sae’s neck. This time, the initiative to draw near was entirely Shido’s. Sae, smirking at the gesture, turned away, distancing himself in the dance as he spun back to face away from the blond.

When it was time for the movement they were actually supposed to replace, Shido found it difficult to suppress a moan or stop singing because Sae’s hands, which wrapped around him from behind and began to glide down his bare chest, were overwhelming. Shido could barely remember that he needed to take Sae’s hands in his and move them aside, along with Sae himself. A warm half-smile flickered across Sae’s face as he looked at the blond, clearly reluctant to let go of his hand, but the dance required it.

A warm half-smile flickered across Sae’s face as he looked at the blonde, who clearly didn’t want to let go of his hand, but had to due to the dance.

Damn, my break. What terrible timing.

Still, Shido forgot he was supposed to be looking out at the audience while singing his solo without dancing because it was far more interesting to focus on Sae, catching his warm gaze. On one hand, Shido was glad they were on stage together and that he would be able to replay those smiles for days. On the other hand, he didn’t want anyone else to see them, because all those emotions belonged to him alone.

He approached Sae, wrapping his arms around his waist and looking directly into his eyes. They finally managed to meet each other’s gaze up close, neither wanting to look away. Sae’s hands wandered over Shido’s body in time with the melody, eventually finding their way to his neck, where they embraced. Both felt the tension between them — not uncomfortable, but rather a sensation that made them want to explore it in a more intimate setting. Shido brushed his hand along the contours of Sae’s face, lifting his chin with a smile before pulling back slightly.

They managed to break their gaze to look at the audience. Sae, trailing his hand along Shido’s arm, turned to move deeper onto the stage to finish the dance. Although Sae wore heeled shoes, so did Shido, which kept him taller. After finishing his final dance moves, Shido turned to face Sae, completely closing the space between them. This was for the best, as Sae unexpectedly leaned in so close that their lips nearly brushed, but not enough to actually kiss.

Shido was relieved that their movement wasn’t visible from the side, where their closeness could be seen; instead, it looked like they were simply standing opposite each other, gazing into each other’s eyes. The two boys could practically feel each other’s warm, heavy breaths on their lips, and Shido’s hand on Sae’s waist felt as if it could melt through the fabric of his clothing to touch bare skin.

Shido tore his gaze away from Sae’s lips and looked up just as Sae did the same. The blond could almost taste the desire for an imperfect kiss, longed for by both of them. Just a little more distance to close and… 

At that moment, the stage lights began to dim, signalling the end of their performance and the need to prepare the props for the next act. 

The dimmed lights created a moment that both boys might later regret — and Sae abruptly pulled away from Shido, taking his warmth with him. He turned towards the backstage, almost unusually speed-walking. 

Shido stood there, trying to make sense of what just happened. The blond also quickly walked toward the faint light of the glowing backstage. Shido could not see anyone in the hallway, except for the crew members and Loki, whose eyes were as large as a hundred-yen coin.

“Where did Sae-chan run off to?” Shido immediately asked his manager.

“Somewhere down there,” Loki replied, pointing toward the end of the corridor. He was about to share his personal thoughts on what had just happened, but Shido had already disappeared. “Well, we’ll meet in the car anyway,” he muttered to himself with a sigh, shifting his gaze to the rising stock prices on the monitor.

“Do you think Shido-san is okay right now?” Charles asked anxiously, biting his lip.

“I really hope so,” Nanase said, shaking his head as he scratched his chin.

The boys’ dance had left a strong impression on everyone in the audience. Only a blind person could miss the chemical reaction that sparked an explosive connection between them. However, achieving a successful outcome required careful preparation. One must grasp all the nuances and potential situations that could arise during such a difficult dance paired with a vocally diverse song. It’s challenging, but judging by the audience’s reaction, it was more than successful.

Unfortunately, the participants in this experiment couldn’t say the same.

Chapter Text

At that moment, Sae, gasping for breath and feeling as though he might suffocate, rushed into his dressing room. Thankfully, no one else was there. He slammed the door shut, moved further inside, and crouched near his mirror. His back pressed against the leg of the table as he curled up, clutching his head with trembling hands Closing his eyes, fragments of the performance replayed vividly in his mind. His hands brushing over the...person’s body, the hands gripping his waist, pulling him close. 

The tension between the two men had been almost unbearable. The urge to grab the fabric of that ridiculous shirt, yank it, and eliminate the remaining sliver of space between them had consumed him. Sae had thought he was doing the right thing, leaning into the passion there on stage. But now, with his body shaking, his heart pounding deafeningly, and his breath caught in his chest, it no longer felt like a good idea to actually indulge in his desires.

In truth, everything that had transpired between them had been doomed from the start, and Sae regretted ever agreeing to this collaboration. He didn’t want to get attached. He didn’t want to wait for messages that might never come, to cling to every mention of the person’s name in the media. He didn’t want to kiss anyone — because he hated experiencing any sort of emotion. And yet, Shido’s presence seemed to strip him bare, exposing him as the unpolished, naïve boy he used to be, foolishly believing that anyone might care about him.  

Doctors had warned him as a child that his respiratory issues, worsened by football, would make it difficult to pursue a career in professional sports. He had walked away from that dream. But no one had warned him that being an idol came with its own dangers. Why was he struggling to breathe now, just as he had back then? And why had no one told him that falling in love could hurt this much?  

He gasped for air, desperate to calm himself. Tears streamed down his cheeks, smearing his makeup into a watercoloured mess, though he didn’t care. He tried to force himself to stop thinking about that lively, energetic blond, but his body refused to cooperate. His trembling hand gripped the fabric of his outfit, tugging hard enough that it might tear. If it did, he would easily pay for the damage.  

A knock at the door startled him, and Sae silently prayed it wasn’t who he thought it might be. Let it be Aiku, Sendo…anyone but him. Please.  

But his prayers went unanswered. The door creaked open, and a familiar blond head peeked through.  

“Sae…” Shido’s wide eyes fixed on him. “-chan? Sae-chan, what’s—”  

He stepped fully into the room, but a sharp voice stopped him in his tracks.  

“Leave.”  

Sae’s voice was broken, filled with all the pain he was feeling.  

“No, wait. I’m not going anywhere,” Shido replied, frowning as he took a step closer.  

“Stop. Don’t come any closer. Just…leave. If you take another step, I’ll never speak to you again.”  

Shido froze. His face twisted in anguish. If Sae had looked up at that moment, he might have seen the cracks forming in Shido’s heart, each word striking like a knife and leaving a trail of bleeding wounds.  

“Sae-chan, did I…do something wrong? If I did, if I hurt you somehow, tell me! I’ll apologise. I’ll apologise for everything, and I’ll never make the same mistake again. Just tell me.”  

“Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up,” Sae’s breathing grew harsher, and he clenched his eyes shut, covering his ears. “Leave. I don’t want to see you. I never want to see you again. Get out of my life. Forever. This was all a mistake. Just leave and never come back.”  

His words, spoken through gritted teeth, struck Shido like hammer blows. With each sentence, Shido stepped back until his back hit the door. The pain in his eyes gradually shifted to bitter understanding; an acknowledgement.  

“Of course…how could I forget?” Shido’s voice cracked as a nervous laugh escaped him. He covered his eyes with one hand. “You…only agreed to this collaboration because I promised I’d leave you alone after the performance. Well, I don’t break my promises.”  

Forcing back tears, he lowered his hand and tried to muster a faint smile, though he knew Sae wouldn’t see it. “I…I really thought we might have something. But I guess that was just me, as usual, getting ahead of myself. It was nice working with you, Itoshi. I’ll do my best to stay out of your way.”  

In the final words, Shido couldn’t stop a sob from escaping. Biting his lip, he covered his mouth and stumbled out of the room. Tears blurred his vision as he left, so much so that he barely noticed Aiku passing by.  

Aiku glanced at Shido before entering the dressing room. He found Sae gasping for air, his hands over his ears, tears streaming down his face. Without hesitation, Aiku crouched in front of him, cupping Sae’s face and lifting his gaze.  

“Sae, can you hear me? Where’s your inhaler? Wait — probably in your bag. Hold on,” Aiku said, glancing around for the bag, trying to remain calm. Spotting it, he quickly retrieved the inhaler and pressed it to Sae’s lips.

“Breathe deeply, Sae. Come on: a deep breath in and out,” Aiku repeated in a slow, calm voice. “Hold your breath for a moment. Good. Now exhale slowly.”  

Once Sae finally calmed down, Aiku exhaled and straightened his shoulders, glancing at the defeated and deflated figure before him. At that moment, the rest of the group returned to the dressing room, pausing hesitantly at the entrance as they took in the sight of the two men sitting on the floor.  

“What happened here?” Teru asked, surprised. “Did Sae have another panic attack?”  

“Yes,” Aiku admitted, pressing his lips together as he stood and dusted himself off.  

“Wow. That hasn’t happened in ages. What could’ve been so bad that he even needed the inhaler?” Sendo scratched the back of his head while heading to his spot.  

“Doesn’t seem like Rin was anywhere nearby,” Teppei added with a nod. “As far as I know, he’s been with his group this whole time.”  

“Oh, Rin’s been around,” Aiku said through clenched teeth, piecing everything together. “But their leader wasn’t,” his fists tightened in anger. “I’ll be back.”

He stormed out of the dressing room, slamming the door behind him so loudly that everyone flinched — everyone except Sae, who stared blankly at the floor, still using his inhaler to regulate his breathing.  

Meanwhile, Aiku made his way purposefully toward a specific individual. He spotted him lingering near the entrance to another group’s dressing room. In a few swift strides, Aiku crossed the distance, grabbing Shido and pinning him against the wall. Being slightly taller, Aiku lifted him just enough that Shido was forced onto his tiptoes.  

“What the hell are you doing?!” Aiku spat venomously. “Do you even realise what your actions have caused? Did you stop to think for one second about how he feels?”  

He practically hurled the words into Shido’s face. Shido, his expression unreadable, dangled limply in Aiku’s grasp, like a ragdoll. He could have easily pushed Aiku away but chose not to. Instead, he remained silent.  

“Don’t just stand there, you bastard. Answer me!”  

In response, Shido let out a strained, almost hysterical chuckle. His face twisted with pain as he spoke.  

“And him? Did he think about how I feel? You came here, playing the hero without knowing the whole story. Impressive,” his laugh grew more unhinged, verging on hysteria. Shido covered his eyes with one hand, tilting his head back. “What did I do? Huh? What the hell did I even do wrong? If you know the answer, then tell me! Right now!”  

He opened his eyes wide, his gaze wild and angry as he stared down Aiku, who had pressed his lips into a tight line.  

“Go on, tell me everything. You’re so close to Itoshi, aren’t you? So close I’m not even sure he’s told you everything about himself. What did I do? Nothing. Apparently, absolutely nothing, since after all of it, I was told to get lost.”  

Aiku’s breathing was heavy, his frustration merely boiling over. It was clear the situation would escalate further, but before he could throw a punch, his arm was caught mid-swing by another.  

“Leave him alone and get lost, Oliver,” Rin snapped, stepping into the hallway. He’d been on his way back from the restroom when he stumbled upon the scene.  

Aiku turned his furious gaze to Rin. They stared each other down in silence until Aiku finally released Shido, letting him slump back against the wall. A final glare at the two idols showed Aiku’s departure as he stormed off the way he’d come.  

Rin turned to Shido. “Ryu, are you okay?”  

“No. Yes. I…,” Shido bit his lip. “I’ll be fine, Rin-chan. Don’t worry.”  

He forced a crooked smile and ran a hand through his hair before opening the door to the dressing room and slipping inside. Rin sighed heavily, left with his own thoughts. He had his opinions on the matter but chose to keep them to himself for now.  

Later that night, back at the dormitory, the group dispersed to their rooms after the long, exhausting day. Sleep should have come easily, but Rin couldn’t rest. Nor, it seemed, could Shido, who sat in the kitchen nursing a glass of whiskey. Beside him, a bottle of the amber liquid stood alongside a plate of small sandwiches he’d made as snacks. He stared vacantly at the transparent tabletop, swirling the drink in his hand.  

“Ryu, stop drinking,” Rin said as he walked into the kitchen, taking a seat across from Shido.  

Shido glanced up at him and waved dismissively with his free hand.  

“Leave me alone, Rin-chan. I want to drink, so I’m drinking. Hey!”  

Rin snatched the glass from his hand and pushed it — and the bottle — out of reach.  

“And this is fine with you? Are you even the Shido Ryusei I know?” Rin frowned, shaking his head and crossing his arms.  

Shido glanced at him and sniffled.

“He told me to leave, to get lost. He said it was all a mistake. What else was I supposed to do?” Shido’s eyes welled up with tears again as he lowered his forehead onto the table, thudding against it with a soft groan.  

A faint smile tugged at Rin’s lips as he watched the slightly tipsy leader. “And if I told you to leave me alone and never speak to me again, would you do it?” Rin squinted slightly.  

“You’re different,” Shido grumbled under his breath, though it was slightly shocking that Rin managed to hear him.  

“Not a chance. Think back to me before debut. I was the same: prickly, distant, refusing anyone’s help.”  

“But he hates me, Rin-chan,” Shido sniffled again, louder this time.  

“No, he doesn’t hate you. He hates his own feelings when he’s near you. I’ve never seen Sae like this before,” Rin shook his head.  

“Like what?” Shido’s gaze lifted, curious.  

“Like he’s looking at someone who means everything to him. Ryu, I know you, and I know my brother even better. He can deny our connection all he wants, but I wasn’t some clueless kid. Both of us, in our own ways, were scarred by our parents. We both struggle to show emotions. The difference is, I was told it’s okay to feel and express them, but he never got that. Do you know who taught me it was okay?” Rin’s words piqued Shido’s interest, and his face reflected it.  

“Who?”  

“You. Nijiro, Charles, even Zantetsu. All of you showed me it’s fine to feel, and I’m so grateful for that. But my brother…his situation is completely different. Most of the time, he doesn’t even think of himself as attractive. He hides behind his indifference, hoping no one will notice or dig deeper.”  

Shido let out a nervous chuckle, pulling the bottle of alcohol back towards him and taking a sip from his glass. He ran a hand down his face. “God, Rin-chan, you have no idea how often I just stare at him, like I can’t look away. Who put all these ridiculous ideas in his head?”  

“He did. Our parents. And, in some ways…even I did. In my defence, I tried to reason with him, but he told me to piss off, just like he did to you. First, he hates himself for feeling anything, and then he has a panic attack because his ego refuses to let him express it,” Rin sighed, awkwardly looking away and rubbing the back of his neck.  

“I…I wanted so badly to hug him then, but I was afraid I’d screw it all up. And then I remembered our deal,” Shido continued as if he hadn’t heard Rin, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood.  

“Deal? What deal?”  

“That after the performance, we can’t speak to each other anymore. It’s like, he’s playing this game with me to get closer, and after the performance, I leave him alone for good.”  

A brief silence followed, during which Rin’s expression betrayed utter disbelief. “And you’re actually planning to go through with that?” He asked, frowning.  

“Of course!” Shido exclaimed, his voice getting heated. “I…can’t break it! It’s Sae-chan, after all,” he added in a quieter tone.  

Rin’s frown deepened as he shook his head. “Who turned the confident Shido Ryusei into this mess? Since when do you listen to anyone if you don’t like what they’re saying?”  

Shido stared at the liquid in his glass, avoiding Rin’s gaze and its quiet judgement.  

“You’re going to get up right now and go to my brother. That’s not up for debate. I won’t stand by and watch you suffer from the regret of not doing anything when you had the chance. Remember how awful you felt when you missed the opportunity to help our group succeed? You deserve happiness, Ryu. And I want it not just for you, but for my brother too.” 

“You’re the first person Sae has let get close to him in a long time, and if you end up being the last because of your stupidity, I’ll eat you alive.”  

Rin stood from his seat, grabbed Shido under the arms, and pulled him up from the table. Turning him towards the door, he gave him a firm push on the back.  

“Just be more persistent. Basically, just be yourself, okay? And don’t you dare come back until you’ve sorted everything out.” 

Chapter Text

It was already just past eleven when Shido arrived by taxi at a foreign dormitory. His mind was still a little foggy, though stepping outside had somewhat sobered him up. He hoped he would not suddenly collapse in the middle of a conversation due to drunkenness or, worse, do something he would regret in the morning, wishing he didn’t exist at all.

But now the blond, in an oversized stretched T-shirt and lounge trousers, stood by the door, raising a finger to the doorbell and pressing it, causing a long wail inside the house. He knew he could face consequences not only from the dorm’s owners but also from the neighbours, but at that moment, there was only one thing on his mind: a conversation with Sae.

Angry footsteps could be heard from behind the door, and its owner abruptly yanked the handle and swung it open. Aiku shot a fierce look at Shido, who in response, mindlessly wiggled his fingers in a greeting and smiled. Aiku made a face at this gesture and was about to close the door, but a foreign leg wedged into the gap, preventing it.

“Let go,” the guy hissed.

“Let me in,” Shido replied demandingly. “I want to talk to Itoshi.”

“You want a lot,” Aiku scoffed, trying to shut the door, but Shido, being strong, easily held it open. The leader of the other group didn’t give up, and eventually, Shido grew tired of the struggle and, using force, pushed Aiku back into the room, slipping through the gap between the door and the wall.

Aiku didn’t expect such audacity, and as a result, he could not react in time. It was too late: Shido was already climbing the stairs towards the room he needed. Aiku was about to follow him to stop him, but a hand landed on his shoulder, and there was the sound of chewing nearby.

“Leave them. It’ll be fine,” Sendo said, shaking his head as he bit into an apple. “Maybe Shido wasn’t to blame for the situation, and you blamed him for everything. They’re both grown men.”

At these words, Aiku only pursed his lips, shrugged off his friend’s hand, and went to the kitchen to boil the kettle and brew some chamomile tea to calm himself. He just didn’t have the nerves for it all.

Meanwhile, Shido, uncaring about the sound of knocking, opened the door and confidently walked inside, immediately closing it behind him and locking it to ensure no one could come in.

“I’m backing out of our agreement,” Shido said, clenching his fists as he looked at Sae, who was staring at him from under the blanket draped over his back. It seemed that Shido had interrupted Sae’s viewing of something, as there was a tablet on the bed in front of him.

They stared at each other for a while in complete silence. The pink-haired man had no words, while Shido was trying to figure out whether he would be told to ‘fuck off’ or allowed to speak his mind. No negative reaction followed his words, so Shido, slightly unsteady from exhaustion and alcohol, walked further into the room and dared to sit on the edge of Sae’s bed.

They both watched each other’s movements with tired eyes, and perhaps Sae was silent because he simply didn’t have the strength to respond.

“Listen, I…” Shido exhaled sharply, averting his gaze and stopping to inspect the desk, which was cluttered with papers and had a laptop on it. He looked back at Sae, who was still silently watching him. “I’m not ready to stop talking to you. Yes, I’m acting selfishly now, demanding that you keep talking to me even though you told me to get lost, but I can’t let everything end like this. Do you remember I told you about the trainee who kept me from quitting and made me stay with the agency?”

Sae nodded briefly. He remembered everything, because, without realising it, he had started feeling jealous of the not-so-close Shido at that time.

“Um, well…well — was it you…?” 

The face in front of him stretched in surprise.

“What?” Sae managed to force out, feeling his voice begin to tremble.

“Well,” Shido nervously laughed, awkwardly scratching the top of his head, “You were still at my agency back then. I remembered you well, not only because you helped me, but also because Rin had just moved in with us, and you two looked eerily alike. You only gave me your name, but it was not hard for me to guess your family connection. You can’t imagine how sad I was when I found out you had moved to another company, because I couldn’t watch you anymore. I was afraid you wouldn’t debut, and then I definitely wouldn’t be able to talk to you again.”

Sae frowned.

“Wait, but I really don’t remember you,” he said, pressing his lips together. “I only remember…wait, did you have dark hair during your internship?”

Shido actively nodded, awkwardly smiling.

“That was my natural colour. I dyed it for my image in the group during the debut, and over the course of my career, I rarely changed my hair colour because I liked the new look. And…I promised myself I would be honest with you, but I lied. Sorry.”

“What?” Sae tensed up and froze, not believing his ears. One shocking revelation after another….

“I told you I watched a couple of episodes with you to learn something about you, but that’s. Not true. I watched almost all the content where you appeared either solo or with the group,” Shido sighed.

Sae’s tense shoulders dropped, relaxing, and he quietly laughed.

“You’re an idiot,” he shook his head.

The atmosphere between them shifted suddenly from tense to more peaceful.

“So, you’re saying that all this time you have been following my career from the shadows?”

“Well, kind of,” Shido snorted. “I couldn’t help but follow you and your work. I often tried to catch your schedule with someone, hoping to somehow slip in and work together, but I never managed, because you had such a tight schedule. I had one pretty much the same.”

“When I heard you had to create a collaboration with Rin-chan, I sadly thought that perhaps I might catch you in the training hall and somehow talk to you. But I was much luckier than that: I got to work with you personally, and that’s the best thing that’s happened to me in my entire idol career.”

Silence fell again. To break it, Shido wanted to continue speaking, but Sae began first.

“I was looking for you. I couldn’t find you, though, because I had too little information about you, and you changed your image too,” Sae said, looking at the sheet and crumpling his blanket.

“Unexpected,” Shido laughed, settling more comfortably on the bed and sitting closer to the middle, crossing his legs in a lotus position. He lightly massaged his temples, as the alcohol was still clouding his mind.

“But I’m glad you debuted,” the pink-haired one lifted his gaze, meeting the other’s eyes, and smiled more confidently. “Before I left to join another agency, I attended some of your rehearsals and showcases.”

“Thank you. For everything.”

Sae nodded, unsure of what to say in response. It still felt strange to him, realising that Shido had known him for so long and had been following his career since his debut. A warmth filled his chest, and for a moment, Sae felt as if someone had turned on the heater in the room. For some reason, the situation now seemed so distant, as though it had happened not just a few hours ago, but a couple of years ago.

“Itoshi,” Shido unexpectedly called, and the pink-haired one snapped out of his thoughts.

“Sae,” the guy replied.

“What?” Shido froze.

“Don’t call me by my last name. It makes me uncomfortable when you do that.”

“Alright, Sae,” the blond smiled, “…chan,” he added a second later.

The pink-haired one nodded in approval, and Shido, in the meantime, continued.

“When we danced on stage, why did you suddenly decide to change the dance back to its original version? What made you do that?”

Shido knew the answer to this question because everything was clear, but...what if he was wrong about his assumption? What if Sae had an entirely different opinion on the matter? Maybe the blond had simply overthought it, and there was actually nothing supernatural between them during the performance?

Sae tensed up inside. His heart began to beat faster, and for some reason, he couldn’t tear his gaze away from Shido’s focused face. Shido always seemed to notice even the smallest change in someone’s expression or body language. 

What if Sae had already been caught out, and now, with the confirmation of his thoughts, Shido would simply stand up and leave, just like he had done a few hours earlier? The last time it had been because of Sae’s words, but now it could be because of his actions. It seemed the outcome was inevitable: he would lose Shido and never speak to him again, all because of the blond’s dislike of him.

The silence stretched on for a long time. While Sae’s mind was racing through countless scenarios, most of them with the worst possible outcomes, Shido didn’t waste any time. 

While the first was lost in his thoughts and oblivious to his surroundings, the second moved closer to Sae, almost pressing up against him, and leaned slightly towards his face.

“Earth to Sae-chan. Can you hear me?”

Sae snapped back to reality and widened his eyes when he realised just how close Shido was now. He instinctively pulled back, straightening his neck and pulling the blanket tighter around himself. 

After a few seconds, the pink-haired man managed to compose himself, taking a slow breath in and out. Shido, observing this, found the situation rather amusing, as he could always read the panic on someone’s face every time he got close to them.

“Sae-chan, did you know that your eyes always say more than you do? I think you left something unfinished during the performance,” Shido said, no hint of a smile, closing the distance between their faces to the point where it was almost exactly as it had been on stage. “You have the right to decide what to do now,” the blond whispered, his breath brushing against Sae’s lips, “it’s fine if you push me away right now. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes.”

Sae held his breath. His heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. He wasn’t ready for this. Not mentally, not emotionally. But how much was he willing to miss out on in life because of his own insecurities? It seemed like he had actually managed to make someone truly like him. Enough for the person to be willing to wait, no matter how long, for...mutual feelings?

Take a step forward? Sae realised that Shido had already made his five steps out of the ten total. He wasn’t the type of person to take another five steps for someone else, but he was the kind who would help close the distance together if needed. Shido had indeed done a lot to get closer to Sae, and although the latter had never asked for this, he was grateful for all the emotions he had felt during their time together.

And, in fact, Sae, just like Shido, was not ready to end this communication. He just hoped that the blond would run away from him, and that he wouldn’t have to confess all his insecurities and issues. But Shido had not run away. Moreover, he had come to speak with him. 

Perhaps this was his final step, and now it was Sae’s turn to take his.

Sae didn’t know how much time had passed, but Shido remained still, waiting for the next move from the pink-haired man. He looked into the attentive and expectant pink eyes, which had shifted their gaze to his lips, and Sae realised that he desired this just as much as his conversation partner. 

Back then, on stage, he had been much more confident in his actions, so what was stopping him now?

Sae looked at Shido’s lips and, exhaling onto them, placed a fleeting kiss. He didn’t know how to kiss.

He had never done this. Never been in a relationship with anyone. Never been loved so much that he could feel someone else's love on his own skin. But for some reason, right now, he genuinely hoped it would work out. Those foreign lips, which after his brief touch smiled and covered his own, drawing him into a longer kiss, would kiss him not just once, or even twice.

Shido cupped Sae’s face with both hands, pulling him closer and kissing, kissing, kissing. He caught every exhale from Sae with his lips, never stopping his smile. His initially brief kisses grew longer and ended with Shido pushing Sae onto the pillow. Sae stretched his arms out from under the blanket, wrapping them around the blond’s neck. One of Shido’s arms rested on the bed, while the other gently stroked Sae’s cheek.

Sae hadn’t had his first kiss, but he was glad he could share it with the person he liked.

“Have you been drinking?” Sae asked, breathless, when they finally managed to break apart after a long while.

Shido looked at him with a love-drunk gaze, one full of tenderness and affection for the person in front of him.

“A little,” Shido murmured, catching the disapproving look, “don’t look at me like that. I was feeling bad.”

“And now?”

Sae buried his face in the blond’s light hair, brushing it back.

“And now it’s better.”

“Why?” Sae teased him, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Because I just kissed the guy of my dreams, the one I couldn’t stop thinking about for a long time. Because I want to shout out how much I like the guy with amazing turquoise eyes, soft hair, and the most beautiful smile. Because the drunkenness from alcohol has almost passed, replaced by drunkenness from the person.”

For the first time in a long while, Sae smiled widely, and Shido felt both good and bad because of that action. Without wasting any time, he caught the smile with his lips, for it wasn’t enough to capture it just with his eyes.

“Where did you learn to kiss so well?” Sae asked when Shido shifted slightly, lying next to him.

Sae turned his head to the side to watch the blond, who had propped himself up on his elbow, resting his face on his hand and lying on his side.

“Do you really want to know?” Shido smirked. 

“Seems like the answer is obvious…but I’m really curious.”

“Promise you won’t get jealous.”

Sae looked at Shido in surprise.

“Jealous? Me? When have I been jealous of you?” the pink-haired one scoffed, glancing at the guy with indignation and turning away dramatically. “I only just realised that I like you. I didn’t have time to get jealous of anyone.”

Shido laughed, leaning forward to leave a kiss on the corner of Sae’s mouth.

“You just didn’t realise it, but your eyes said it all. It’s pretty funny, actually, because Rin-chan’s eyes are usually empty, and you can only see anger in them when we get up to some nonsense with the group, but you can tell what he’s feeling from his face. Yours, though, is the opposite. Your face is stone, but your eyes are alive.”

Sae’s face relaxed, and he turned back.

“So what about answering my question?”

“I didn’t hear a promise.”

“You…”

“I,” Shido smiled widely.

“Fine, I promise,” Sae finally gave in, though he didn’t like making promises.

“My media-relationship with Charles helped me learn a lot,” the blond said ambiguously, with a small hum.

It took Sae fifteen seconds to process the words he had just heard. His eyes widened, and he propped himself up on his elbows.

“Wait, what? A relationship…with Charles?”

Shido didn’t even change his position on the bed. He watched the pink-haired one’s eyes and raised his own.

“I mean. I already told you that we had to do the ‘queer-baiting’ stuff, so it isn’t a big suprise. The companies wanted more. So we were together for a year during our second comeback,” Shido replied casually, picking at something in his teeth with his nail and examining his fingers. “We broke up just before the album release without telling the companies, anyone. Loki was worried one of us might leave the group, and everything would have to change, but neither Charles nor I planned to leave. We just avoided each other for a while, and then we started talking again when we realised it was better to be together than apart. We just didn’t want to be forced lovers. We agreed it was better to stay friends.”

Shido shifted his gaze to Sae, who was now sitting up and staring at the blond in shock.

“Wait, but...how?” the pink-haired one opened his mouth and immediately closed it again.

“How? How did we start dating? How everything went. Or what are you asking about?”

“So there wasn’t anything tense later? You literally live in the same dorm. There must have been some awkwardness, right? As far as I know, ‘exes’ usually avoid talking to each other.”

“Nope, there wasn’t. Nothing like that. We ‘broke up’ not because we had some massive huge conflict, but because of tiredness of being pushed into this, him and I. So living in the same dorm and being in the same group wasn’t difficult. I can even say the opposite: breaking up brought us closer because we’re much better as friends than we were as ‘lovers’.”

Sae looked away, pressing his lips together. He knew there had to be something more to this closeness. It was impossible to get to know someone that well just because you’re in the same group. And Sae doubted he could ever get to know Shido better.

It was pointless to even try. The blond stood up and touched the palm of the pink-haired one, intertwining their fingers and drawing his attention.

“If you start overthinking this, I’ll bite you,” Shido shook his head, placing his second hand on Sae’s cheek and pulling him closer to kiss his nose. “It all ended five years ago. There’s nothing between us except that we’re best friends, living in the same room and sharing our lives. Besides, he has someone he loves more than he ever did. Same goes for me,” Shido’s hand moved from Sae’s cheek to his neck, fully cupping it. “Sae-chan, I can’t put into words how much I like you. And I don’t want you to think badly of me about things that don’t even exist.”

Sae turned fully towards Shido, and the second kissed him so gently and sensually that it felt as though everything bloomed in Sae’s chest, and breathing became easier. He felt truly happy and loved. He didn’t need to speak aloud about his feelings because Shido already knew, reading them in his eyes.

“I hope you really will be an unbearably sweet boyfriend,” Sae smiled directly into the kiss, pulling away slightly, but not too far.

The blond chuckled softly, rubbing the tip of his nose against Sae’s.

“You still owe me a date. How about a trip to France?”

“Why are you asking me about this when you’ve already decided everything yourself?”

“Well, I had to find a way to bring up that I need your passport.”

“What else do you want?” Sae asked teasingly, though without malice.

“You,” Shido smirked, kissing him deeper and pushing his tongue into Sae’s mouth, bringing a little French flair before their trip to France.

Chapter Text

The doorbell rang. Shido joyfully skipped down the corridor, and within moments, he opened the door and pulled the visitor into a kiss, tightly embracing him around the waist and inhaling the fresh air from outside.

Sae smiled, pulling away to take off his coat.

“Have they all gone home already?” asked Sae.

Shido took the coat and hung it up in the wardrobe with the help of a hanger.

“No. Charles and Rin-chan are still here,” replied Shido, taking his boyfriend’s hand and leading him to the kitchen. “Are you having dinner?”

“What’s for dinner?” Sae entered the kitchen and met the gaze of someone sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hello.”

“Welcome to our humble abode, Itoshi-san,” Charles smiled warmly, waving a hand before returning to his meal.

Sae nodded and sat down at the table, awkwardly twisting his fingers beneath it.

“I made some random thing from a TikTok recipe and haven’t tried it myself,” Shido shrugged.

“It turned out amazing,” the younger one replied with his mouth full, giving a thumbs up, which earned him a flick on the head from Shido.

“Stop talking while you’re chewing,” the blond hissed, placing a plate in front of Sae.

The pink-haired one noticed Charles rolling his eyes.

“Did you decide for me what I’m going to eat?” Sae smirked, causing Shido to look at him and blink a few times.

“Ah, oops. Sorry. I didn’t get your answer. I’m just used to serving mine straight away. If you don’t want it, I’ll take it back,” and he reached for the plate, but was stopped by a hand.

“I was joking. Of course, I’ll eat,” Sae smiled warmly in response.

“I knew as soon as Itoshi-san showed up, the sappy stuff would start,” Charles scoffed, though without malice.

“Well, at least we’re not making out in the dressing room while no one’s around, fearing that some stranger will walk in,” Shido chuckled, serving food onto two plates: one for Sae and one for himself. “Rin, dinner’s ready!” He shouted as loudly as he could.

Charles put his phone aside and stretched, giving his friend an annoyed look.

“That was only a couple of times!” he protested, “and no one caught us. Only you and Rin-san walked in at that moment.”

Shido placed the plates on the table and sat next to his boyfriend, continuing the conversation with his classmate.

“That was disgusting. I didn’t want to see our manager sucking face with my best friend,” the blond grimaced. “I think Rin-chan had the same opinion.”

“Which one, and when?” Rin entered the kitchen with a dirty mug, which he placed in the sink before starting to serve himself some food.

“When we caught Loki with Charles,” Shido smirked, shoving some pickled radish into his mouth.

“Ugh, fuck. Why are you bringing that up?” Rin grimaced, sitting next to Charles, facing his brother. “I still sometimes have nightmares about it, you know.”

Shido laughed at this and turned to look at Sae, who was sitting there with a stunned expression, staring at each of the people present.

“Forget it, Sae-chan,” Shido giggled. “It’s just local jokes. I’ll tell you about them later, if you want.”

The pink-haired one nodded, bringing a spoonful of food to his mouth, but stopped midway as Rin’s voice interrupted him. He looked at his brother.

“Sae, our parents are asking if you’ll be coming home for the New Year’s holidays,” Rin said indifferently, not even looking at Sae. “I tried calling and texting you today, but, as usual, you didn’t reply anywhere.”

“I forgot to bring my charger to my schedule, and my phone battery died,” the pink-haired one shrugged, continuing to chew the food he had put in his mouth.

“Do you want me to lend you a charger?” Shido asked, placing his hand on Sae’s leg and turning his head towards him.

“Later,” Sae shook his head in response. “I don’t need it right now,” he turned back to Rin. “I wasn’t planning on going to my parents’.”

Finally, Rin looked up at his brother and stared at him in surprise.

“Why? They’re waiting for you. You didn’t even come for Mum’s birthday last month. She’s very upset.”

Sae hummed, looking into his plate.

“I have no desire to go there when I have so many negative memories tied to that house. If she’s so upset that we don’t see each other, let her come to Tokyo, and we’ll go to a restaurant. She can bring Dad too. I’m not going.”

At that moment, Shido and Charles exchanged wary glances, ready to intervene at any moment to stop the brothers from fighting, a quarrel that could have escalated, but fortunately, there were no signs of that yet.

Shido had an idea and, smiling, turned completely towards Sae, grabbing his forearm with both hands.

“Sae-chan, how about coming with me to my Mum’s for the New Year’s holidays? If you don’t mind, of course,” the blond said cheerfully.

The pink-haired one froze in surprise, looking at Shido.

“Will she mind?”

“Shido’s mum minding? Don’t be ridiculous,” Charles laughed. “She’s hardly ever at home because she’s always working, and if she is, she’s usually just happy that her son has some friends. She makes an amazing toshikoshi soba and tamagoyaki for New Year’s. The only tamagoyaki that’s better than hers is Shido-san’s.”

“You’re flattering me,” the blond smiled smugly. “But yes, Charles is right. My mum will be happy to meet you. I mentioned you to her once on the phone.”

Shido shifted his gaze to Sae’s lips and, raising his thumb, gently wiped away some food from the corner of his mouth.

“Hmm…alright,” Sae nodded, receiving a kiss on the cheek in response.

Shido stood up from the table, gathering all the empty plates to load into the dishwasher. The blond took his phone in his hands to write a message. 

A moment later, a notification appeared on the nearby iPhone belonging to Charles, and he immediately turned his gaze to the screen to skim through the message.

“I promised Loki-san I’d call, so I’ll have to leave you for a bit,” the younger one said, apologising as he grabbed his phone and went to another room.

Meanwhile, Shido clattered the dishes to get the mugs. He placed Rin’s cup, featuring a drawing of a cat with the caption ‘I’m not angry, just disappointed with life’, in front of him. He put his own favourite half-litre mug, which had a small English phrase ‘have a nice day’ on it, with a middle finger underneath if you turned it upside down. For Sae, he placed a mug with a cat wearing black glasses, giving the middle finger, with the words ‘fluff you, you fluffin’ fluff,’ and it wasn’t hard to guess what was implied by that phrase.

“Wow, you didn’t even let Charles use that mug when he broke his favourite one,” Rin smirked.

“That’s because they let all sorts of idiots into this group,” Shido rolled his eyes. “He didn’t deserve it. Rin-chan, could you pour the tea, please? I’ll be back soon.”

“Where are you going?” Sae asked, trying to hide his nervousness in front of his brother.

“I’ll go and get things ready for the movie,” Shido replied. “My laptop’s making a noise and takes forever to load when it starts up.”

Rin gave an ‘okay’ sign and stood up to turn on the electric kettle. While it was boiling, the kitchen fell silent, and only the sounds of stirring with a small spoon from Rin, who was starting to pour the hot water, could be heard.

“I’m glad you’ve become friends with Ryu,” the brunette said, sitting back down and putting three spoonfuls of sugar in his tea. “Though I’d be more surprised if you hadn’t, because he’s horribly clingy. I can’t even imagine how he’s bearable in a relationship.”

“I like it,” Sae shrugged, gradually calming down inside and allowing himself to smile. “It might be too early to form an opinion about him during a relationship, but I think everything will be fine. At least I really hope so.”

“You can’t doubt it,” Rin smirked. “I’ve known him for more than five years. I’m glad we’re in the same group. Maybe if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have managed to connect with people in general. I’ve always had trouble making friends.”

“I know,” the pink-haired one sighed sadly, staring intently at the brown liquid in his mug.

“Me too.”

“If you hadn’t switched agencies back then, you might have gotten closer to Ryu much earlier, and your life might have turned out differently,” Rin voiced the thoughts of the pink-haired one out loud.

Sae wrapped both hands around his mug, pressing his lips together and sighing heavily. He had been thinking about this a lot recently, especially after learning that he and Shido had known each other.

“Sorry,” Sae said, lifting his gaze, and Rin’s hand froze mid-air, halfway to the basket of biscuits. He frowned slightly, a crease appearing between his brows. “I was a terrible brother. I don’t understand what came over me, transferring my resentment towards our parents onto you, causing you to lose yet another support in our family. Because of me, you have suffered quite a few scars that, I know, you still struggle to get rid of. I’m so sorry. I should have been your support, but instead, I became the reason for our strained relationship and….”

As Sae finished speaking, Rin’s face softened. His bottom lip trembled slightly, and his eyes became glassy.

“And you…” Rin interrupted, his voice cracking. He awkwardly turned his gaze away. “I didn’t understand so much. Why didn’t you want to play football with me? Why didn’t you want to watch cartoons with me? Why did you stop smiling at me? Because before, all of that was there, and then at some point, it just broke. Our parents told me that you just needed time to adjust to the new place when you started dancing, and they said you wouldn’t have time to spend with me anymore. And that I should focus on my career as a footballer. But I didn’t want to play football without you. I wanted to talk to you again, to celebrate every goal with you and see the pride in your eyes. That’s why I told our parents that I was quitting football and switching to dance. Although, for some reason, my plan to get closer to you backfired, and you ended up hating me even more.”

“My child’s mind refused to accept that you first took away one of my dreams, and then decided to take the second one as well,” Sae sighed. “Our parents only focused on you because you were their favourite child.”

“They always came only to you. I was told that I was already grown up enough for them not to worry about me, but…I was only nine years old back then?”

“When you started dancing, I thought you were lacking in parental love, so you decided to be even better than me, especially where I could feel special.”

“I…I never even thought about that,” Rin placed his hand over his brother’s. “You’ve always been, are, and will always be a role model for me. I’ve always admired you, your skills, and the way you shine wherever you are,” the brunette objected too excitedly. “I wanted to be like you, but I always felt like you were out there, ahead, somewhere I could never reach.”

He pressed his lips together. “I never thought that this was the reason behind your behaviour. I didn’t want it to be like that.”

Sae smiled, placing his other hand on top of the one already there, gently squeezing it.

“Now I’m absolutely sure that you don’t hate me,” the pink-haired one smirked. “When Ryu told me about this for the first time, I didn’t believe it, honestly. I’d hate myself if I had behaved with you the way I did. You…will you forgive me?”

Rin nodded vigorously in response, smiling widely.

“And you? Will you forgive me? You…don’t hate me, do you?”

Sae shook his head negatively.

“Hate is too strong a feeling. I’ve never truly felt it. Anger, yes. Rage, yes. Dislike, yes, but not hate.”

“When I grew up, I realized you weren’t to blame for anything, but my pride wouldn’t let me start behaving differently with you, so I kept pretending publicly that you annoyed me.”

“Was Ryu that much of an influence on you?” the brunette laughed.

“Yes,” Sae smiled warmly, reminiscing about the blond. “He taught me…to talk? Sounds weird, I know.”

“Not even once,” Rin chuckled. “They and Charles always solve problems by talking. I can’t even count how many conversations they’ve had to bring the whole group together. Though, maybe I was the only one who needed to find common ground.”

“Truth,” sighed the pink-haired one. “I still can’t get along with my group.”

“Come join us,” said Rin. 

At that moment, Shido stood outside the kitchen door, smiling happily and crossing his arms over his chest. Charles walked up to him after finishing his conversation with Loki and peered through the narrow gap, his eyes widening at what he saw.

“I’ve never seen Rin-san so open when Nanase isn’t around,” Charles whispered, shifting his gaze to the pleased Shido.

“Just taught Rin-chan how to talk, and nobody taught Sae-chan,” chuckled Shido. “Good thing I’m here for these two.”

“The same thing Rin-san said,” giggled the younger one. “Are we going to stand here long?”

“I think it’s okay to go in now.”

After everyone had finished their tea, discussing the latest in the entertainment world, when Sae entered Shido’s room, he found a fashionable gaming laptop on the bed instead of an old one as described by the blonde. It had numerous functions, and there were detached wires leading from the desk, clearly used for recording voices for songs and producing them.

The pink-haired one froze in the middle of the room. The realisation came to him gradually. He turned to Shido, who was putting things away in the wardrobe, and, narrowing his eyes, folded his arms across his chest.

“So, you came out at that exact moment from the kitchen on purpose?” Sae said, slightly pressing.

At that moment, Shido stopped putting things away, closed the wardrobe door, and turned to approach the pink-haired one. Wrapping both arms around his waist, he pulled him close, causing Sae’s crossed arms to fall to his sides.

“I don’t understand what you mean, darling,” Shido grinned slyly, leaving short kisses on his lips and not allowing him to say another word.

Sae relaxed and finally wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, smiling into another kiss.

“Thank you.”

“For what? I didn’t do anything.”

“You came into my life and painted the grey days with the colours of the rainbow.”

“I can’t draw for shit.”

“But not in my life.”

“As you say, sweet,” Shido smirked, deepening the kiss and tightening his grip on his waist. “By the way...” he pulled away slightly, and Sae pouted in annoyance, as he had expected more from this kiss. “Tomorrow evening we’re leaving. We’re taking a taxi, so be ready by five. I’ll pick you up.”

“Don’t you want to go to my place for a day after that?” Sae asked uncertainly.

“With you, I’d go to the ends of the earth,” the blond smirked, leaving a final kiss on his lips before pulling him by the hand onto the bed. “But right now, we have a movie night planned. I don’t know if you’re into romance, but I absolutely love it.”

“As you say.”