Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dew sat on the edge of his bed, picking at his cuticles. He never thought that the day would end like this. Aether on the other side of the bed when they should be pressed against each other. Dew would love to say he didn’t see this coming, but he would be lying. The air was thick while they waited for the other to speak. But neither of them could form words. The orange golden glow creeped through the curtains, normally something Dew would welcome. Aether and him would curl up and watch the sunset with warmth. But today all he felt was coldness as the orange slowly dissipated.

“Look… I’m sorry Dew. I just can’t do this anymore,” Aether finally broke the silence. He took a deep breath before continuing. “It’s not you… it’s me.”

Why did Dew not believe him? Why did his head tell him that it was his fault? That he was too clingy, too dependent, too naive. His throat grew dry. “It’s okay… I… I understand.” He turned further away from Aether in hopes of hiding the tears running down his cheeks. He heard the sheets shift as he felt a presence next to him.

“Can we still be friends?” Aether silently asked, hope laced in his voice. Dew bit at his lip as a cry begged to leave his mouth. He shook his head slowly.

“I…” He paused to breathe. “I can’t…”

“We can keep it civil,” Aether said as his hands rubbed against his thighs. “I know I said I needed space… But I-I can’t lose you as a friend too.”

Dew shook his head again, clenching his eyes shut. If he really felt that way then why were they here? “I’m sorry… I can’t… I-I can’t do that.”

“Can… Can we at least try?” Aether asked, almost begging. The blond winced as the truth stabbed him. He could never look at Aether the same. Everything in him wanted to try, but he knew deep down it would only hurt more. He hated fighting, especially with Aether.

“Maybe… But I need time,” Dew said as tears soaked deeper into his sweatpants. The bed shifted as Aether relaxed a little.

“Of course… Take all the time you need,” Aether took a deep breath. More silence filled the air. Dew thought that the other would read the room and leave. But he still sat there. Dew’s chest felt tight as his brain continuously told him the truth.

You’re a terrible person

How could anyone ever love you

You don’t deserve love

He bit down harder on his lip, the taste of iron danced on his tongue. He wished he could run to someone but he didn’t know who. Rain and Swiss were out working, and Ifrit probably didn’t want a text from his ex. He was alone.

Why?

Why me?

Everything was fine until I fucked it up

This is All. My. Fault.

He brought his knees to his chest and cried into them, hoping to muffle the depressing noises that left his mouth. Aether reached to rub Dew’s back, but the blond pulled away. He swallowed harshly.

“Did…” He took a deep breath, “Did this past year… Mean anything to you?” He looked over at Aether for the first time since they sat down.

“Of course they meant somethi-”

“Then why now?” Dew waited for a response. He longed to hear something, anything that would prove his brain wrong. But the room stayed quiet.

“Well I-”

“I knew it,” Dew said as his tears dripped onto his knees. “You never loved me.”

“That’s not true! I did!” Aether said as he motioned to hug Dew, waiting for permission. The blond looked down, grabbing a handful of his sheets.

“Please… leave,” He whispered, hoping it was loud enough.

“You don’t have to go through this al-”

“Leave!” Dew snapped, and cleared his throat, his voice softening, “Please.”

Aether put his arms down. Not another word was said as he left. Dew watched as Aether put on his shoes, and when he stepped onto the porch, he didn’t give it a second thought. Dew slammed the door in his face and locked it. His body collapsed against it, slowly sliding to the cold tiled floor. He knew from the moment that Aether walked into his life he should have ran. He knew that he would end up hurt in the end and yet he still let him in. Why did he let him in? It hurt more than with Ifrit or Atlas. It felt like someone pulled out his heart, stabbed it 100 times then put it back in his chest. For some reason it was still working but he didn’t know how.

His hand rested on the cool floor, slowly feeling the texture of the stone. He hoped that it would help ground him, but it only made him fall further. His breathing picked up as his mind continued to race. It may as well have been a Nascar Track.

This always seemed to happen to him. Why him? Rain had been through plenty of breakups and they were fine. So why did it feel like the end of the world for Dew? His skin felt rough against his bones. The only solution was itching them, but even that wasn’t helping. Why wasn’t it helping? The only other thing that would suffice was hiding in a drawer in the bathroom. It was only 15 feet away from him.

No… I can’t.

He had been clean for so long, but he heard it calling. It screamed underneath his headbands, trying to convince Dew that it was the only way out. That it wanted to help him. He gripped at his face aggressively, maybe he could shake the thoughts out of his head. But they wouldn’t go away.

“SHUT UP!”

He yelled into the void but its voice only grew louder. His tear soaked palms pressed against the floor, slowly getting onto his feet. If you can’t beat ‘em… May as well join ‘em. Each step he took toward the bathroom felt like an eternity. He wanted to turn around so badly but his body kept moving. The voice reassured him with every passing moment.

It will be fine

This is the right choice

You’ll feel so much better

He opened the drawer and pushed aside the multitude of headbands to reveal a shiny blade. His only solace.

Chapter Text

A few moments ago he was hungry, but it went away as soon as Rain started cooking. It wasn’t that Rain’s cooking was bad, it was quite the opposite. But the stress of being asked about his day was far greater than his need to eat. Sweat formed on his face as he tugged at the cuffs of his hoodie. Dew loved his hoodies, but even Rain knew he was wearing his least favorite one. He had panicked when he heard Rain get home from work so he threw on the closest one. But this would only make him stick out more. He pressed against the wall as his hand drifted to the strings dangling from the hood.

Rain rummaged around the cabinet and grabbed a few spices to mix into the pot of boiling noodles. Even though they were just making spaghetti, they always wanted to make it fancy. They hummed as they strained the noodles, swaying their hips back and forth. Someone’s in a good mood. He thought. Another reason to keep his hoodie on. He pulled out his phone, mindlessly scrolling.

It wasn’t too long before Rain had finished cooking and placed the plate in front of Dew. He picked up the fork as Rain sat down, twisting the noodles around. The silence continued as they ate, but they didn’t feel the need to speak. Rain’s cooking was always on point, but Dew could only force down a few bites, playing with the rest of it. Beads of sweat rolled down his forehead.

“Everything okay?” Rain asked as they twirled some spaghetti onto their fork. “You’re sweating up a storm over there.” they lightly laughed.

Dew nodded quickly, wiping his face with his sleeve. He stayed quiet, hoping Rain wouldn’t notice his mostly full plate. Or ask about his day.

“You know you can take off your hoodie… You don’t have to wear it,” Rain added, searching Dew’s face for any signs of emotion. But it was blank.

“It’s fine,” He answered, keeping his voice low. Right as Rain went to talk again the front door opened. Saved by the bell. Swiss walked in, groaning as he closed the door. His white tank top was soaked in sweat with a flannel tied around his waist.

“What a day!” He said as he entered the kitchen, rubbing Rain’s head as he passed.

“Welcome home! There’s spaghetti on the stove if you’re hungry,” They said as they turned their attention back to Dew. They went to speak again but Dew beat them to it.

“How was work?” He asked, gaining a glare from Rain.

“Oh ya know… Same old same old,” Swiss responded as he set down his plate on the table. He turned his chair around so when he sat down he was stradling it. “Rose needed some floor repairs and Jeffrey had a leak under his sink.” He glanced between the others. “What about you guys? How was your day?”

There was so much Dew could say, but he shrugged. “It was… okay,” he lightly coughed.

“Mine was the same as always… Was nice to have an early shift for once,” Rain said before taking another bite.

“Oh Dew! How was hanging out with Aether?” Swiss asked through a full mouth. Dew froze. The one question he was trying to avoid. They both looked at him expectantly as his brain scrambled around. He didn’t think they would ask about that.

“Well… uh,” Dew swallowed harshly, picking at the bandage on his arm through his hoodie. “It was… fine.” He cringed at his poor attempt to act normal.

“It doesn’t sound like it,” Rain said as they exchanged a worried glance with Swiss. Blunt as always. The room fell silent. Dew opened his mouth but remembered how Aether looked at him when he opened the door, pain and regret. Or the way that they sat down on his bed with no words being said. The whole situation made his stomach churn. Made his body contemplate throwing up the little amount of food he had eaten that day.

“You know you can talk to us.”

“It isn’t your business,” Dew whispered harshly under his breath, turning to face the wall. He begged that no-one heard it, but he knew they both did. Rain sighed as they reached across the table for Dew’s hand. Before they could touch him, he pulled away. He glared at them with a layer of disgust.

“Please talk to us-,” Swiss started.

“I don’t need your help,” Dew snapped while standing up. He turned to Rain. “Thanks for the food… But I’m not hungry.” The words came out harsher than intended. Why am I always so mean? But before he thought too much about it he stormed off to his room, slamming the door for extra poison.

He always hated how defensive he got, especially toward Rain. They had been friends for Satan knows how long, and all they got repaid with was anger and distrust. It left a bitter taste in his mouth. One that you can’t rinse out with water or even bleach. Rain had been there through some of the roughest points of Dew’s life and yet he still treated them like a toy. Only to be used when he found it fit. The voices grew louder as time went on. Did he really need to go back?

Rain’s parents used to pay for therapy, but when they moved out together they stopped. Mainly because they knew Dew could pay for it on his own. But they told him that if he needed help they would be there. They were so sweet to him, and he couldn’t fully understand why.

They pity you.

The thought startled Dew. He shook his head like he had water in his ear. He knew it wouldn’t make the thoughts go away and yet he still tried.

That’s the only reason you’re still alive.

You think anybody actually cares for you?

He chewed at his scabbed lip, slowly opening up the wound again. He wanted to reassure himself, but every time he tried the voices came back two times louder.

He was putting it off, but maybe he needed to call the therapist’s office. Maybe it was finally time to ask for help.

WEAK

He winced as tears burned the back of his eyes.

You don’t deserve help

Before he knew it he was on the floor, clutching at his chest as his throat tightened.

They don’t care about you.

They only want to hurt you.

The voice of reason was sinking deeper in the ocean of fear and despair. He slowly rocked himself back and forth as everything became blurry.

Remember Atlas?

Don’t let them in.

Oh god Atlas…
He swallowed, hoping it would help his throat, but even his mouth was dry. Water was the only thing that could help, but he knew they were still out there. Probably acting like nothing happened.

Why would they care?

Before he could get lost in thought again, there was a soft knock on the door. “Dew… You okay?” Rain asked softly. Dew shook his head as if Rain could see him. His body begged for help but his brain continued.

They don’t care.

He cleared his throat and tried to put on the most normal voice possible. “Yea! Everything is fine.” Rain’s disappointment seeped through the crack of the door and wrapped its hands around his legs, holding him still. Even though he wasn’t planning on standing up, now he didn’t have a choice.

“Well… You know where Swiss and I are.” Rain said, lingering at the door. “Good night.” Two sets of footsteps walked past the door and toward the stairs. At this point he thought he would be able to breathe deeply, but his throat was still tight. It became so tight that his skin rested uncomfortably on his body. The light whisper slowly grew louder.

I can help

The blade said. His old habit returned and now he couldn’t get out of it. It was the only thing that made his skin feel comfortable. The only thing that helped him feel something… anything. He rose to his feet and walked toward the bathroom with a hypnotized look in his eyes. He had no control over himself. But all he could think about was seeing his friend across the hall.

3 Years Earlier

When Dew walked through the front door Rain greeted him from the kitchen, cooking something as always. He held the cuffs of his sleeves down, looking toward the floor. The plan was to sneak into his room without saying anything, he didn’t need to relive his night. But before he could get around the corner he noticed Ifrit sitting at the table.

“Hey Dew… You got a minute?”

Dew glanced at Rain who was standing by the sink with a few plates of food. When they set down the plates, one was set at Dew’s placemat. Before he could protest, Ifrit had risen, placed an arm around Dew and guided him to his seat.

“What’s this about?” Dew asked, looking around worriedly. Ifrit and Rain exchanged a glance before the former took a deep breath.

“We’ve noticed your relationship with Atlas has been… A little. Uh, Rough recently.”

“We wanted to just sit down and uh… Touch base on how you’re doing.”

Dew regretted having the ‘assigned’ seat furthest away from an exit. He continued to pull at his sleeves.

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.” That was a lie, and they knew it. But he played it off, keeping his head low and his voice monotone. “Everything’s been great… I’m doing fine.”

The air grew still. Ifrit and Rain fought silently over what to say and who should say it. They had planned out everything, but as soon as Dew sat down they had forgotten it. Everything came down to how they phrased it, if they made it too harsh, Dew would shut down. But if they made it too soft, he would completely ignore their concerns. They had to walk a fine line.

“We don’t uh-”

“We don’t fully know Atlas, and… We just want to make sure he’s taking good care of you,” Rain interrupted, hoping to make their thoughts more clear.

“He’s great… Amazing even. Very, uh… Caring.” Dew tried to add variation to his voice, but it still came out bland. He didn’t feel confident, but he tried so hard to pass the test. As long as they didn’t see his arms everything would be fine. Ifrit and Rain exchanged a worried glance.

“We just want you to know that we’re here for you, if you need it.”

“That’s what you want me to think,” Dew said under his breath, but immediately bit his lip. The comment even surprised him. Whenever he got angry, he lost his filter. Another thing to hate about himself. The list was so long that it could fill books, and those books would rest on shelves. “Sorry.”

While Ifrit and Rain had grown used to Dew’s behavior and knew how he got, it still sent an arrow through their hearts. But they pressed further, pushing aside their feelings for the moment.

“We’ve noticed your recent behavior and were just-” Ifrit glanced toward Rain for help.

“Worried is all.”

“There’s no reason to be… I’m Fine, see?” Dew smiled, but once again he couldn’t fool them. It was sarcastic and sad, everything he hoped to cover. Without realizing, his sleeve slipped down revealing a few cuts, all of them mostly healed except for one; and bruises, many bruises. All different shapes, colors and sizes, from yellow to purple. Ifrit glanced down from Dew’s eyes, taking in each and every detail. When Rain’s eyes drifted down, Dew pulled his sleeve up, looking between the others nervously. It went too far.

“Dew?”

If heartbeats could be heard, you wouldn’t hear anything. Everyone was frozen still, scared of startling the other. The weight of the situation sat on their shoulders and nobody knew how to continue the conversation.

“I uh… I need to go.” Dew stood up. He tried so hard to sneak around both of them and succeeded with Rain, but Ifrit grabbed his wrist just tight enough to keep him still.

“Please… Talk to us.” Ifrit’s face softened, hoping to melt down some of the walls that had been built up over the past year. Dew avoided eye contact as best as he could.

“I’m fine… Everything is fine,” He tugged at Ifrit’s grip, but there was no budge.

“It’s okay to not be okay,” Rain said lightly. “Just please let us help you.”

“I can handle this.”

“Just because you can, doesn’t mean you have to.”

The words bounced around in Dew’s head, it made him feel like curling up on the floor and letting everything out. They already knew something was up, so why not spill everything. But the visions of Atlas yelling to not tell anyone, that no one would believe him, flooded his memory. Too deep.

“Let me go,” He growled as he pulled more at Ifrit’s grip, but it was firm. The black walls crept in as panic built, he needed to be alone or he would break. His other hand went to Ifrit’s, clawing away with his already short nails. “I said.. Let Me Go.”

Ifrit winced but squeezed tighter, accidentally pushing into one of the bruises on Dew’s arm. The one colored with a deep reddish brown tone. The most fresh. Dew stopped pulling as tears formed in his eyes, and he fell to his knees. He screamed as the memory of earlier that night flashed before him.

Atlas, mad as always, pushed Dew toward the dresser. He tripped on something and then went to catch himself but missed, slamming his wrist against the edged wood.

Ifrit let go of Dew’s wrist as soon as his knees hit the floor. “Shit”

Both of his sleeves were pushed up, revealing all of the pain and torture he had been put through. Whether it was by himself or Atlas was hard to tell by the sheer amount of injuries. All Rain could do was look in horror as Ifrit dropped to Dew’s side, trying to pull him out of the state he was spiraling deeper into. They both knew it was bad, but not this bad.

“Dew, you’re safe,” Ifrit said as his arms wrapped around Dew lightly, unsure of what would hurt him more. There was no response, he was long gone. Swallowed by the deep pits of his brain, eating away at his stability, at least whatever was left. It had been hard to pull himself out of things like this, but he normally found a way. This time had him thinking otherwise. Maybe it would be the death of him, But that was something he accepted with open arms. Encouraged actually. In hopes it would save him from explaining the grip that Atlas had on his brain… no, his life. The countless times He would try to talk Dew into moving in together, to cutting out all of his friends, to becoming a ‘house husband’. It made his stomach churn that he almost did that. He was so close to doing that. Atlas would be so nice when they agreed, get Dew gifts and even offer to buy new things that the blond couldn’t possibly afford. He was sweet and caring when he wanted to be, but as soon as Dew voiced his own opinion, it’s like a switch flipped. It reminded Dew of his father, and that made it worse. They were so similar, and he realized it at that moment. Maybe he couldn’t handle it on his own.

Chapter Text

Present Day

The house was still, everyone tucked safely into their beds. The soft chirps of birds as they began their morning routines. Waking their babies for breakfast. The sun crept into the house and through the curtains in the kitchen, giving the room a faint glow.

Dew slowly opened his door, peeking down the hall. He tiptoed into the kitchen, using the sun as his light. While he didn’t mean to be up this early, it was too late to turn back now. He went around mindlessly grabbing the things he needed. A package of strawberry pop-tarts from the cabinet, and bottled water from the fridge. Things that any normal person would eat for breakfast, right? Once he felt everything he needed in his pockets he went to leave, rounding a corner. But before he could process another person's presence, they bumped into each other.

“Dew?” A gravelly Swiss asked as he rubbed his eyes. “What are you doing up?”

“Work,” Dew responded quickly, heading toward the front closet.

“But… aren’t you guys not open till 10?” Swiss leaned on the wall and glanced down at his watch, “It’s 7am Dewdrop.”

Dew winced. He had been caught red handed. His shoes slid on as he stayed silent. Maybe if he pretended like he didn’t hear Swiss it would go away.

“Ohhh… I know what’s happening,” Swiss said with a smirk. “You’re going to see your boyfriend before work.”

Dew’s fists clenched as he stood up. It was always about Aether, when would Swiss catch the hint? His blood began to boil, slowly overflowing.

“Don’t have too much fun,” Swiss said with a wink, as he turned away.

“Do you ever mind your own business?” Dew hissed with his hand wrapped around the door knob.

Before Swiss could respond the door slammed shut, his eyebrows pressed together. Rain would hear about his concerns later, but for now, coffee was more important.

-------

Dew spent the 3 hours before work walking and listening to music. The only thing that kept him sane. He had stopped in a park, sitting on a bench. The squirrels and birds going through their normal days. He observed everything. The people that walked by, the trees that swayed in the wind, the insects that crawled on the bench. Finally able to quiet his mind. There was a line of trees a few yards in front of him that separated the park from a forest. Every once and a while he would look into it. Something was calling to him, but he couldn’t understand what. As he scanned it for the 100th time, a tiny pair of green eyes peaked through the greenery. Dew shook his head, thinking he was just seeing something. But when he looked again the eyes stared back. Maybe he was just going insane, he looked to his right to see if anyone else saw the strange eyes peering out of the abyss. But nobody was there. He shrugged and stood up, walking slowly toward the eyes. As he got closer he could barely make out the figure of a cat. He sighed with relief as he crouched down a few feet away from them.

“Come here kitty,” He said in a high pitched voice, offering his hand. The cat looked at him judgmentally, sitting down. “Come on… I know you want attention.” The cat licked their front paws then rubbed their face. The scruffiness of their fur and the way their ribs were just barely showing raised many alarms in Dew’s brain. He sighed, but stood up.

“You stay right there… I’ll be right back,” He talked to them like he expected them to understand what he was saying. But when he glanced back at the cat they blinked slowly at him and laid down. His chest warmed up with pride as he ran to a local coffee shop. His order was simple, a black coffee and their simplest sandwich. As long as it had egg on it, he was happy.

When he returned to the treeline he looked around, not noticing the piercing green eyes of his friend. But as he walked closer there was a shift in the grass, and the green eyes returned. He sat down across from the cat, breaking up the egg and placing it in front of them. They ate it graciously, seeming like they haven’t eaten in at least a day. Gradually, he placed the egg outside of the forest, hoping to lure the cat out into the light. Maybe he could get a better look at them. The cat hesitantly stepped out of the forest, revealing just how tiny they were. They looked as if they were a year old at most, their black fur had a brown undertone in the light. Dew reached out to pet them slowly, letting them sniff his hand. They hesitated but rubbed against him, a light purr humming from them. As soon as they finished eating they walked into Dew’s lap and curled up. A feral cat would never be this kind so they must have been dumped or ran away. Dew’s heart sank at the thought, but he let them get comfortable. Eventually he started petting them, smiling as they fell asleep. All he could do was sit and watch their chest rise and fall, it almost put him to sleep. The next time he checked his watch it read 9:50.

“Shit… I’m sorry kitty,” Dew said as he gently tapped the cat, hoping to wake them up. Their emerald green eyes opened, looking up at Dew. “I have to get going…” He tapped his head, “Who am I kidding? You probably have no idea what I’m saying.” The cat continued to stare at him with an almost understanding face. He slowly coerced the cat out of his lap. “I’ll stop by after work with more food… If you even understand me.” The cat walked back into the forest, turned around and sat down. They slowly blinked at Dew again as he left.

For most of the way to work Dew ran, holding his half empty cold coffee cup. It was only about a 10 minute walk, but he got there within 5, running in a few minutes late.

“There you are!” A Deep voice rumbled from behind the counter.

“Sorry Omega. I got caught up in something,” Dew said as he moved the mouse to a computer, bringing it to life. With a few clicks of the keyboard, he clocked himself in. “What do you need me to do today?” He asked, glancing over at the taller broad shouldered man. His deep brown hair was fluffy on top and shaved on the sides. The shirt he was wearing was nothing less of what you’d expect a record store owner to wear, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

“I need you to price some CD’s today. We got a lot of them from a customer a couple days ago,” Omega said as he led Dew to the service counter along the wall. He pointed at a few boxes with CD’s overflowing. “There’s these boxes and a couple more in the back. Just let me know if you finish them. I’ll be in the back checking in some stock… Ifrit should be in around 11.” Dew nodded as Omega walked away. He grabbed a stack of CD’s and got to work, scanning them into the website and then placing them in the corresponding price box. He hated pricing CD’s, but at least it was simple. As he scanned the next CD he felt his phone vibrate.

Iffie:
You want coffee?

Dew picked up his cup. It felt cold, but was still halfway full. By time Ifrit would arrive it should be gone.

Dewy:
Yea get my usual

Ifrit replied with a thumbs up emoji.

The hour alone went by smoothly, only a few customers came in since it was a tuesday morning. Every once and a while there would be someone with a complicated question or a special request. The one plus of working at the same place for 3 years, he could answer anything. The bell rang from the front door, he looked up, about to greet the customer before realizing it was Ifrit.

“I got your morning cup o’ joe!” he yelled out with a laugh as he approached the service counter.

“Thank you Ifrit,” Dew responded as he took the coffee. Without hesitating he took a sip, feeling the warm liquid spread throughout his body. It was the perfect temperature.

“How has it been so far?” Ifrit said as he clocked in.

“Slow… But good,” Dew said as he spun his chair to face Ifrit. “How has your morning been?”

“Uneventful… But at least the weather’s nice,” He said as he pulled out a box of vinyl and set it on the counter. Ifrit looked over Dew toward the front, taking note of the customer by register. Dew turned his head to look over the shelves. “I can get it,” Ifrit said as he walked up front.

Dew rested his head on his hand as he scanned the next CD. The music that played throughout the store stopped, switching to a new CD. The song This Ain’t The Summer Of Love by Blue Oyster Cult began. Dew sighed. It seemed like everything wanted to remind him of Aether today. He looked to the front door, his brain reminding him of what happened 2 years ago.

A man with a buzzcut walked through the door. His face closer to the rounded side and his body well built but with a little bit of weight to it. Dew felt his stomach flutter as the person approached the rock CD’s.

“Oh uh,” he said, clearing his throat. “W-Welcome in! Let me know if you have any questions.” He raised his voice, hoping that they wouldn’t take note of his stutter, or the way his body shook. The stranger looked over with a million dollar smile.

“Thank you!”

Dew’s heart may as well have leaped out of his chest. He sat back in his chair, hiding behind the computer screen. All he did was say thank you, and now Dew couldn’t think straight. The thought of speaking to the stranger made his anxiety spike, but as if the lord below knew what he was thinking, the person approached the service counter.

“Hello,” The stranger said as he looked at the knick knacks spread across the counter. Dew cleared his throat, sitting up in his chair.

“Hi!” He paused for a moment clicking onto a different tab on the computer. “What can I find for ya?”

“Well I was looking under your rock section but I couldn’t seem to find Nirvana,” He said as he scratched his head.

“Oh yea! We actually keep that band in our Indie section,” Dew said as he looked toward the section. Normally he would point in the general direction of the section and let the customer figure it out, but sometimes he felt the need to do more. This was one of those times. “I can uh… I can show you where it is.” He cleared his throat as he walked toward the section. He flipped through the cards, eventually finding the one labeled Nirvana. It was mostly empty, only two CD’s left.

“It looks like we don’t have too much by them. Was there a certain album you were looking for?” He said before looking at the person. His eyes distracted by his high cheekbones, and the way his mouth rested in a slight smile.

“Oh, I was looking for In Utero,” He said as he peered over Dew’s shoulder. The distance between them closed as he tried to get a good look. Dew felt a light brush of the stranger's chest to his shoulder. He cleared his throat.

“It uh… It looks like we don’t have that one in stock right now…” He stepped aside, letting the customer look through the section without being in the way. “If you would like, we can special order it for you, it will take only a couple days to come in.” Dew began his walk back to the service counter, needing some space to breathe. His heart rate was through the roof by this point, and the person was doing nothing to help him. They followed him back to the counter, watching Dew carefully.

“I would love that,” He said sweetly, staring into Dew’s deep orange eyes. In order to keep himself from staring, Dew pulled out a paper they used to write down information when a CD was being special ordered. He bit at his lip as his blond hair fell in his face. Normally he would worry about it, but it was hard when he felt the stranger’s eyes watching his every movement. When he looked up the customer looked away, fidgeting with another knick knack.

“And what’s a good name for ya?” Dew asked as he finally tucked his hair behind his ear.

“Oh.. Uh. Aether,” He said as he watched the other write it down.

“And a good phone number to reach ya at?” Dew asked as he finished writing.

“715-xxx-xxxx.”

“And would you prefer for us to call or text you when it’s ready for pick up?”

“Text… Unless I get to hear your pretty voice.”

Dew’s cheeks grew red as he checked the text and call boxes. He swallowed harshly before continuing his spiel.

“This should be in by… uh… Thursday…” He looked up at Aether making eye contact. He could almost drown in the deep blue gray hue of them.

“And what will you be up to on Thursday?” He said with a smirk and a wink. Dew froze, his blush deepening. Should he even share his plans with a stranger? He didn’t want a repeat of Atlas. Rain and Ifrit would say it was time to get back into the dating scene.

“Oh uh… Working.”

“And what about after work?” Aether pressed, a glimmer in his eyes.

“Nothing.” His throat grew dry.

“Great! I would love to buy you a drink… and what is the pretty boy’s name?”

“Dewdrop.”

Don’t Fear The Reaper played throughout the store as he watched Aether leave. They had exchanged numbers and he walked off, saying how he can’t wait for thursday. Dew couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face, Ifrit would ask about it later. It felt like a scene from a movie, and yet somehow it just happened.

A snap replaced the bell that should have rang and when he opened his eyes Ifrit was standing in front of him. The taste of dried skin grazed his teeth as he felt his heart beat against his chest. As soon as he realized his thumb was in his mouth, it was pulled out.

“You okay Dew?” Ifrit asked as his eyebrows furrowed in worry. Dew swore under his breath. Why today? Out of all the days. He cleared his throat and turned to his computer.

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t fully know if I believe that,” Ifrit said as he moved to his seat, facing toward Dew. “Someone who’s fine doesn’t generally sit looking off into no-man's land and cry on their shift.”

Did he cry? When his hand brushed against his eyelashes there were a few teardrops that absorbed into his skin. Fuck. He needed to get out of this, and fast.

“Talk to me Dew… What happened?” Ifrit asked as he leaned forward, his hands gripped his knees. Dew’s eyes drifted around the room nervously. He could just ignore it right? It hadn’t worked yet, but maybe it would this time. “Was it Aether? Do I need to beat him up?”

“Why should I tell you?” Dew snapped. Ifrit had never been phased by his snappy comments, so he still sat there, Worry and concern radiating from him. Dew’s face softened as he looked back at his computer screen.

“Dew… You know you can tell me anything,” Ifrit said as he watched Dew. It was so caring, but it still made bile rise in his throat. The weight of everyone’s expectations to talk about his feelings, to trust someone other than himself. It had been so long since he had opened up, and he wanted to keep it that way… He needed to keep it that way. He pushed himself off of his chair and ran to the bathroom. As soon as his knees hit the floor he wanted for something to come out of him but all he could do was scream. It echoed around him as he gripped at his face, his skin was tight. Too tight. But before he could tear his skin off a hand was placed on his back and Ifrit knelt next to him.

“It’ll be okay.”

“Let it out.”

Tears soaked into Dew’s palms and all he could do was let it happen. Everything in his body said to fight it. To push Ifrit away, but he didn’t. Why didn’t he? His thoughts bounced around his head. They were so loud that he could barely make out a light knock on the door.

“Is everything okay?” Omega asked as he peeked into the bathroom. His face grew more concerned as his eyes crossed over the disheveled Dew. Him and Ifrit shared a worried glance.

“Could you watch the front for a little? We’re gonna need a minute,” He said as he rubbed Dew’s back. Omega nodded and closed the door lightly. While the room was silent, Dew’s head continued to spin. It had been a while since Ifrit had seen Dew like this, so he let Dew take his time. His fingers gripped at his chest. Maybe he would feel better without a heart.

Why was Ifrit still there? Dew couldn’t understand. After everything they went through together, he thought for sure that Ifrit would leave, but he continued to be so patient and caring.

“Why?” Dew choked out. His movement away from the toilet was slow, but he leaned against the wall. Ifrit moved next to him, placing a hand on Dew’s knee, tracing light circles into it. “Why do you care?”

“Because you’re my friend… Because you deserve to be happy,” Ifrit paused, looking into Dew’s eyes. “I could go on for hours.”

“But you’re my ex-”

“Who gives a shit about what we were… I am here for you now.” Ifrit brushed some of Dew’s hair behind his ear. “Now please… Talk to me.” His eyes softened as Dew placed his head onto his knees. Even though someone was telling him they wanted to hear his problems, it was so hard to even put it into words. He knew that Ifrit cared, but he couldn’t help feeling like a burden. As soon as he opened up to Atlas things crumpled apart, so it would probably happen again. His arms wrapped around his legs as he cried into them. All he had to do was say two simple words, and yet his mouth wouldn’t move. Ifrit was patient, watching Dew carefully.

“We…” He choked out, biting at his lip as he contemplated finishing the sentence. If he was going to get over this he needed to talk about it. He needed to grieve, to move past it.

“We broke-up.”

Chapter Text

“We broke-up.”

The words finally left his mouth. He looked at Ifrit, seeing his eyebrows furrow.

“I’m so sorry Dew.”

They sat there for a moment in silence. He did feel a little bit better, but he would never admit that. He turned away, hoping to hide the tears streaming down his face. “It’s stupid,” Dew whispered. “I thought…” He laughed to cover up the pain, “Maybe we would be forever… But apparently not.”

Without a second thought, Ifrit wrapped his arms around Dew. He pulled him as close as physically possible. He knew Dew wouldn’t ask for physical comfort, so he always initiated. There were a lot of things he learned from their relationship and he wouldn’t hesitate to use them. Dew melted into the touch, resting his head on Ifrit’s shoulder.

“You’ll find someone… I know you will.”

Dew shook his head immediately. He would love to believe Ifrit, but he knew deep down, he was unloveable. Ifrit pulled him away to look him in the eyes.

“Yes you will.”

“The only good relationship I had was you,” Dew said through teary eyes. “No one can beat you.”

“Someone will!” Ifrit said as he wiped the other’s cheek. Dew looked at the wall behind Ifrit, he couldn’t stand his gaze any longer. The silence grew thick, like a chocolate syrup you could dip strawberries in.

“Have you told Rain? Or Swiss?” Ifrit asked as he tucked more hair behind Dew’s ear. He shook his head, looking toward the sink.

“You should tell them… They want to help”

They sat there for a while, Dew couldn’t tell how long. Everything melted together. He wanted to talk about so much but couldn’t find a way to form it into words, so he settled for silence. Ifrit tried to help but nothing was working. When Dew was calm enough they went back onto the sales floor.

“Are you sure you’re fine?” Omega asked, worry was written all over his face. “You can leave early if you need time.”

“I’ll be fine,” Dew said as he looked down, scanning another CD.

“Okay… Don’t hesitate to talk to me if you need anything,” Omega said before walking toward the backroom.

The rest of the day was a blur. Ifrit ended up talking to every customer while Dew dissociated and sorted CD’s. His brain still ran at 1000 miles a minute and there was nothing that could calm it down. Then he remembered the cat in the forest, the only thing he was looking forward to. He hoped they would still be there.

Omega ended up telling Dew to leave an hour early to “Take care of himself”. As soon as he left he went to a local convenience store and purchased some wet food. He also got himself a small snack.

The forest was just as calm as this morning. There were more people at the park, but they paid no mind to Dew walking up and down the line of trees. He called out a few times for the cat but there was no response, anxiety built in his chest. What if they got hurt, or lost? Right as he was about to spiral deeper he saw the familiar green eyes pierce through the grass. He sighed with relief as he sat down across from them.

“There you are! I was scared you wouldn’t come back,” He said as he rummaged through the bag, pulling out the can of wet food. “I got you some food!” As the can opened the cats ears perked and they smelled the air, catching a whiff of it. They slowly lurked out of the forest as Dew set the can down in front of him. They ate together in silence, only the chirps of birds and chitters of squirrels could be heard.

“I should probably give you a name,” Dew said as he placed his hand on his chin. He stared at the cat as they ate. They looked up for a moment, making eye contact. “Maybe Kevin.” Both of them shook their heads. “No that isn’t right… too old man like.” he thought more as the cat went back to eating. His fingers ran through the grass until he ran across a 4 leaf clover. “Wow…” He whispered, picking the clover and holding it up. The cat stopped eating to watch, tilting their head. “I don’t think I’ve ever found one of these before… THAT’S IT!” Dew looked at the cat. “What about Clover?!” The cat looked at him for a moment before slowly blinking. Dew laughed, people passing by probably thought he was crazy. But he continued to sit there and chat with his new friend, Clover.

-------

The next time Dew checked his watch it read 7pm. He had a few texts from Rain asking when he would be home and that dinner would be around 7:30. With that information, he slowly pet Clover who was curled up in his lap.

“I think I have to get going,” Dew said as he gently nudged Clover. They looked up at him with a confused look, but eventually made their way off his lap. “I’ll be back tomorrow.” Clover made their way into the forest, turning around to watch Dew leave.

By the time Dew stepped through the door, the house smelt of different cheeses and some spices. Rain turned around from the stove and made eye contact with Dew. “Welcome home! Dinner will be ready in a minute!” He turned back around, stirring the pot. After Dew took off his shoes he sat down at the table in his usual spot, against the wall. He played with his hoodie strings until Rain set a bowl in front of him. It was mac and cheese, one of Dew’s favorites. He grabbed the sriracha bottle and put some into the bowl, making sure everything was coated.

“Thank you,” He said before taking a bite. The only noise came from the clinking of the silverware and chewing. Eventually, Swiss got home. He grabbed a bowl of mac and cheese and sat down in his spot. Rain and Swiss did some small talk while Dew tried his best to be invisible, and failed.

“How was work?” Swiss asked through a full mouth. At first Dew thought this was directed toward Rain so he continued eating. But as the silence grew louder he looked up, seeing both of them staring at him. “You good Dew?”

“Oh uh… Yeah… Just a uh, rough day.”

He went back to eating.

“You wanna talk about it?” Rain asked. If Ifrit was there he would’ve told Dew to open up, but he shrugged. His appetite slowly went away, but at least half the bowl was gone already. He stood up and grabbed a tupperware, throwing his left overs into the container and sealing it. After placing it in the fridge, he went to leave, hoping to hide in his room for the rest of the night.

“How’s Aether doing?” Swiss asked with a smirk. Dew froze. He wanted to move his feet but they were stuck to the floor. It was almost as if his subconscious was forcing him to talk. Forcing him to say the things that would get him hurt in the end.

“We broke-up.”

Before he could see their reactions he bolted into his room.

Chapter Text

6 Years Ago

During a less simpler time. Back when Dew was smaller, more insecure. When Dew was alone. When Rain had just moved into town and Dew wanted nothing to do with him. He had accepted his fate as the loner and wore it with pride, even if it meant being bullied constantly. At least then the school officials wouldn’t question the many bruises and cuts that he always tried to hide. Not like they even cared.

Dew stuck to the back of his classes, always doodling or dozing off. He never needed to pay attention when he was smarter than your average 12th grader. The first half of his days would go smoothly. Dew avoided his bullies, keeping his earbuds in as he walked from class to class. It served two purposes, giving him theme music while also drowning out the slurs and glares being thrown at him.

Lunch was always the hardest. He would find a new spot to hide in every year and add it to his list. He would rotate the spots whenever it was found, to keep his bullies guessing. The hideout he found this year was in the auditorium, hidden backstage. Yes no food was allowed, but when did he listen to the rules and when did he actually eat? Normally it would take them about a week to figure it out, but this year they were on their A-Game, guessing within a few days.

“Give us your lunch money,” One of the taller students demanded as he approached Dew. Silas.

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you… I. Don’t. Have. Any.” Dew paused as he crossed his arms. “I get FREE school lunch.”

“He’s begging for a beating Silas,” The shortest of the three said. Still taller than Dew. Chris. “You would think he would have learned his lesson last year.”

“Maybe we need to go harder,” The middle sized one said as he cracked his knuckles. The third stooge, Issac.

“Maybe we do.”

Before Dew knew it, Chris pushed him against the wall. He wasn’t going down without a fight. Dew tried his best to punch Silas but was stopped by Chris’s hand. The two dumber stooges pinned his arms to the wall, allowing Silas to punch him in the gut. It was hard, but maybe not hard enough to bruise.

“Fuck,” Dew spat out as one leg tried to kick the taller kid off of him, but failed.

“You think you can hold us off?!” Issac laughed as he dug his fingers harder into Dew’s wrist. “When do you give up?”

“When I see you all bleed to death beneath me.”

They all paused for a minute before bursting into laughter. “You can barely land a hand on us! How do you think you’re gonna make us bleed?” Silas said as he punched Dew’s abdomen in the same spot. Now he was sure it would bruise. Before he could respond Chris reached over and punched Dew in the face. He winced as The two dumbasses let go of his arms, letting him fall limp to the floor. All three of them kicked him, mainly hitting his gut and ribs. There came a point in every day when Dew couldn’t fight anymore… so he let it happen. Let them get what they wanted until they were happy. They would walk away at some point and leave him to his self pity. But apparently today was not a normal day.

“Leave him alone!” A voice came from the other side backstage. The kicking stopped as he heard steps sprint toward them. They stopped right in between Dew and the stooges.

“Look! The new kid’s defending the twink!” They all laughed. When Dew opened his eyes he saw Rain standing above him, holding their hand out. He pushed their hand away, standing by himself, brushing off his clothes. Rain’s hand dropped to their side, forming into a fist.

“You wanna see something funny?” They growled.

As the bullies went to respond, Rain threw a punch, knocking one of them to the ground. Somehow they held the three stooges off, getting at least one good hit on each of them. They ran out of the auditorium, Silas with a black eye, Chris with a few bruises on his arms, and Issac with a cut lip.

“You okay?” Rain asked as they turned to Dew, offering to check his wounds. Dew pulled away, disgust filling his lungs.

“I didn’t need your help.” He spat before making his way to the door. Rain went to say something, but the door slammed shut.

-------

Whenever he walked down the hall for the next few weeks, everyone stared. At first he thought they were staring at him and he couldn’t blame them, he looked like trash. A black eye, messy hair, and an annoyed glare. But as they stared he followed their gazes to behind him, catching Rain trailing him. What the hell is he doing? They had been doing this almost everyday and he wished they would just stop.

Dew stormed into the bathroom toward a sink near the back, turning on the faucet and splashing water into his face. Rain stepped into the room, walking toward the first sink. They looked in the mirror acting like Dew wasn’t there but occasionally glanced over.

“Why are you following me? You’ve already caused me enough trouble,” Dew hissed as he shook his hands dry. He thought that this year would go by fast. That he could deal with everything on his own, graduate, and then be on his merry way. But for some reason Rain thought they had the right to stand up for him.

“I’m just trying to help,” Rain turned to him, leaning against the wall next to the sink.

“I don’t need you following me like a bodyguard.” Dew wiped his hands dry with a paper towel.

“You needed help-”

“I never asked for your help… I can handle myself” Dew crossed his arms. Who were they to decide what he needed?

Rain chuckled lightly, leaning his head against the wall. “You have a black eye. I don’t think that’s handling it.”

“We had a system… May not have been fair, but it worked.” Dew paused for a moment, looking between Rain and the door. If he stayed they would surely press deeper, and he didn’t want to go there. “Just stay out of my way.”

As he went to leave Rain tried to step in his way, but he pushed them aside, rushing out of the bathroom.

--------

Dew stuck to smaller hallways, disappearing into the shadows if Rain got too close. He kept a close eye on his surroundings, making sure that he was alone at all times. But even after snapping at Rain multiple times and telling them to fuck off they still persisted, finding ways around Dew’s walls. Whether it be to walk around it or sometimes step over it, they found a way.

On a particularly bleak day, Dew decided to switch up his lunch hideouts, but not to keep the three stooges off his trail. This time was to try to throw Rain off. It almost succeeded, until the last 15 minutes of lunch. At first Dew thought his bullies found him, but quickly realized it was worse than that.

“Leave me alone,” Before Dew finished speaking, Rain sat down a few feet away with a packed lunch. They shook their head before opening the bag, pulling out a sandwich.

“Can’t you catch a hint? I don’t need you.”

Rain proceeded to eat their sandwich like nothing was said. They hummed lightly as they ate, meeting Dew’s gaze. The silence grew thick, but it was broken by the churning of Dew’s stomach. As if Rain knew what he was thinking, they reached into their bag, pulled out another sandwich and passed it to Dew. “For you.”

The sandwich sat on the concrete as Dew stared at it, burning a hole into his gaze. Maybe he should accept it, he was hungry after all. But everything in him denied the help. He pushed the sandwich back to Rain. “What is wrong with you?” Dew’s words would pierce through any normal person and scare them away, But Rain still sat there. Why were they still there? “I don’t need you.”

Rain pushed the sandwich back to Dew while they chewed. Once they swallowed they looked up, making eye contact with the other. “Please… Let me help.”

Dew couldn’t tell if it was the caring eyes that warmed his heart or the smooth voice that felt like butter along his skin, but it felt right. But that’s how it felt with his last friends, so why should he trust Rain? They were a stranger, they probably only wanted to use him for some sick game. “Why should I?”

“Cuz everyone hates me as much as you…” They trailed off, contemplating if they should continue. The eye contact broke as Rain scanned the room. “Because I know what it feels like to be alone.”

When their eyes met again Dew couldn’t deny the warm pang in his gut. It was a feeling that he would soon label as friendship and as home. He slowly reached for the sandwich and opened the bag. When he took a bite, a smile grew on Rain’s face

Chapter Text

The morning air slowly carded through Dew’s blond hair. For once it was down, flowing along his shoulders. He never really had a preference but always kept it up out of laziness. His legs were crossed as he ate his breakfast sandwich, a can of wet food in front of him. Clover slowly made their way out of the forest, greeting Dew with a chirp.

“Good morning sleepy head,” He smiled as they began to eat. When he first started bringing them food, they would scarf it down. Probably from fear of never eating again. But since it had been a month of this routine, they calmed down, enjoying each bite. “Sleep well?”

They nodded as if they understood. Dew chuckled, mainly to himself. It hadn’t been too long and yet Clover was such a big part of his day, really the only thing to get him out of bed and to take care of himself. Once Clover finished eating they made their way into Dew’s lap, curling up and falling asleep.

Generally when it came to this time every morning Dew would either draw or write, but today he decided to lay down and listen to music. He put on his favorite playlist and let his back press against the ground. Clover looked up for a moment, checking in on him before resting their head back on their front paws.

They would sit there for an hour, enjoying each other’s presence. When it came time, Clover stepped off of Dew’s lap as he sat up. He gave them a few goodbye pets before running off to work.

“How is Clover doing?” Ifrit asked as he walked up to the service counter, handing Dew his coffee.

“Good! We had breakfast and just hung out.” He paused for a moment to take a sip. “How was your walk?”

“Good… Very calm and, uh, Relaxing,” Ifrit sounded uncertain, but Dew didn’t think too hard about it. The former walked to his computer, typing in his password and clicking a few things. He went to set down his drink but noticed a stack of CD’s sitting on the counter.

“Hey. You call these people yet?” He picked up the stack, flipping through them.

“Oh, no. I thought you did… You want me to do that?”

“Yeah! Thank you,” Ifrit passed Dew the stack and went back to his normal routine. Once the CD’s were in hand, the blond walked up to the front counter. He didn’t fully understand why Omega required them to call from this phone, but he followed the rule. He looked at the first CD, picking up the phone and typing in the number. It rang through to voicemail and he read through the script. He had it memorized, but there was a sticky note attached to the phone that reminded him. He got through half of the stack fast, only a few people actually picking up. After the 5th one he flipped the CD over, revealing a Blue Oyster Cult CD. He bit at his lip as he looked at the card, reading the name ‘Aether <3’.

Fuck

Part of him wanted to chuck it onto the floor, stomp on it a few times and light it on fire. The one day he was calling the special orders, it appeared. As if to taunt him. He tapped the CD on the counter. He could ask Ifrit to call him, he would probably be okay with that. But that would show he was weak, that he wasn’t over Aether. He needed to be over Aether. It had been a month and he was probably out there living his best life. Dew needed to make it seem like he was doing the same. His breathing picked up, causing his vision to blur.

You’re weak

Pathetic

He closed his eyes, trying to take deep breaths, but nothing was stopping him from falling further.

When he opened his eyes Atlas was in front of him, yelling about something that was probably important. Shame crept into his body, he should be listening, but he couldn’t. Atlas went quiet for a moment, seemingly judging him. Before Dew could process, Atlas smacked him across the face, finally bringing him back into reality.

“Fucking listen to me when I’m talking.”

The smack stung but the words stung harder. Dew looked away, but his face was pulled back to Atlas.

“You are so pathetic.”

Dew broke eye contact as tears streamed down his cheeks. He looked like a kicked dog. All he did was try to set boundaries and this is what he was met with. Maybe he wasn’t deserving of respect.

“You think your friends know what’s best for you?” Atlas laughed as he let go of Dew’s face, pushing him. Normally he would land on the bed, and Atlas would take advantage of that, but this time didn’t quite work the same. When he was shoved, he stumbled back, trying to catch his footing but failing. The back of his head hit the foot of the bed frame. The sound that left his mouth was nothing less than excruciating as he crumpled in on himself, gripping onto his scalp. “Aww. Is the little baby hurt?” Atlas mocked as he knelt down by Dew. He laughed before continuing.

“You’re weak. You would be nothing without me. Never forget that.”

Dew closed his eyes as Atlas stood up and spit on him.

The lights of the record store blinded him when his eyes opened. How long had he been standing there? It felt like hours but when he checked the time it seemed to only be minutes. He looked back at the CD, fumbling with it in his hand. He had to be strong, to put on a face. He couldn’t show his weaknesses. Plus it was rare that Aether picked up, so he had nothing to worry about… Right?
He took a deep breath then typed in the phone number. As it rang his palms grew sweaty. It got through 5 beeps, he was so close to being sent to voicemail, but the other side picked up.

Fuck

“Hello?”

Dew cleared his throat and looked at the sticky note, feeling beads of sweat roll down his face.

“This is R&R Records calling to let you know that your Blue Oyster Cult CD is in-”

“Dew?”

He froze.

“Oh my gosh… How have you been?!” Excitement filled Aether’s voice. Did he not realize what he did to Dew? How he destroyed him.

Aether’s voice grew quiet as the realization hit him, “Why haven’t you answered my texts?”

Dew swallowed harshly, holding back the tears building up behind his eyes. He could easily let the anger take over his mouth. He could snap, tell Aether to fuck off.

Act like you’re fine.

Nothing is wrong.

“Your CD will be held for the next 10 days behind our service counter… Have a nice day.” Before he could hear Aether’s response he hung up. A wave of relief washed over him, but then the regret and sadness lingered.

“Did you have fun up there?” Ifrit asked jokingly as he glanced up from his computer. Dew froze in his tracks for a moment, but shrugged.

“It was… okay.”

He started putting the CD’s in the box labeled ‘Special Orders’. He took his time, looking at each card carefully. He had almost forgotten about the Blue Oyster Cult CD, but there it was, resting in his hand. He stared at it for a moment, the destructive thoughts from earlier returned.

“What’s that?”

Dew’s head shot up, making eye contact with Ifrit.

“Oh uh… a CD?”

“No dib it’s a CD… What band?” Ifrit stood up, walking toward Dew. Before he could form words, the former read the card, cursing under his breath. “Oh… that.” He stood there awkwardly for a moment as Dew’s face contorted into confusion.

“That?”

“Aether called a couple months ago ordering it.”

“He already owns it though…” He tried to wrap his brain around why Aether would buy two of the same CD until it hit him. “It isn’t for him.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Their 2 year anniversary would have been in a couple of weeks. Aether probably remembered that this was the album playing when they met. He thought his anger was bad before, but it was nothing compared to what he felt now. Before he could chuck it onto the floor, Ifrit took it out of his hands, peeling off the card.

“He probably doesn’t want this any more,” Ifrit said under his breath and set it on a stack of CD’s that needed to be filed. All Dew could do was stare at it amongst the other CD’s. Unwanted. Waiting for someone to love and cherish it.

-------

Dew laid on the couch, the TV on full blast. Rain and Swiss would be gone for the foreseeable future, so he wasn’t worried about any noise complaints. After interacting with Aether his day was normal, but it didn’t feel the same. He had put on his favorite movie since he was a kid, The Iron Giant. It helped him calm down and relax after the stressful day that unfolded.

Around halfway through the movie he grabbed a bag of popcorn from the kitchen and got more involved with the plot, even though he had seen it a million times and could probably quote it word for word. He was so into it that he jumped when the front door opened, making eye contact with Rain. The remote made its way to his hand and he quickly turned down the volume, expecting some kind of comment about it. But Rain greeted him as normal and continued their journey to the kitchen, paying no mind to the bags under Dew’s eyes or the way they looked red from crying. He didn’t realize his breath was held until he let out a deep sigh once Rain was out of sight. He continued watching his movie as if nothing happened, in hopes he would get the peace and quiet he needed. But not long after Rain walked into the kitchen and warmed up the food they needed, they came back into the living room, sitting on the couch perpendicular from Dew. It made him hold his breath again.

“What cha’ watching?” Rain asked before taking a bite of their food.

“Iron Giant,” He responded as quickly as possible. Maybe they would get the hint he didn’t want to be bothered.

Nope.

“You always did love that movie,” They laughed under their breath, giving Dew a light smile, it melted the tension in his shoulders. He let out a sigh before sinking into the couch a little deeper. The silence that fell between them felt nice, necessary even. Like things might resume a natural order and they might be able to enjoy a film before bed. But then Rain dug deeper.

“How have you been?”

Such a simple question, and yet there were so many ways Dew could answer. He could be truthful and say that he had a terrible day, or he could lie like he had been doing for the past month. Say that he’s fine and deal with everything on his own. He hadn’t said much since the dinner with Rain and Swiss so they were probably seething for an explanation.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” They covered their tracks, maybe in hopes of making Dew feel less attacked or on edge. “Just wanted to ask.”

He looked at the floor. Even though he wasn’t making eye contact with Rain before, he felt like looking at the screen was too much. Like they would take it as he was ignoring them. He didn’t want to ignore them, but everything in him said to do it.

“You know I care about you… right?”

Dew finally looked over to see Rain’s plate set to the side, their full attention on him. He quickly looked at the screen, his blanket, anything to keep his brain from moving faster. He tried to will words out of his mouth, but nothing was forming. So once again silence fell.

“Well, I hope you enjoy the rest of your movie… I’m gonna get some sleep.” They said before they walked into the kitchen. Dew heard the clink of the dishes in the sink and panicked. He wanted to say something, anything to let Rain know that he cared, but his throat grew tighter with every second. As they went to slip down the hall Dew let out a quiet ‘good night’, causing Rain to turn around in surprise. But their mouth quickly molded into a smile.

“Good night Dew.”

Chapter Text

Once every week Swiss, Rain, and Dew would go out to a local bar for some bonding time. They would sit and chat for a few hours over some drinks, but they hadn’t been keeping up over the past couple of weeks. Whether it be their schedules not lining up or all of them being too exhausted to want to do anything other than sit on the couch and watch some TV.

But this week everything finally worked out. They set aside time, and they all didn’t feel too tired to walk a few minutes down the street to chat. Swiss couldn’t hold back his excitement as they walked. He had a pep in his step that only one person could put there, Aurora. They had been dating for… well forever, and yet he still acted like a puppy around her. When they walked in, Aurora waved them over to their normal booth whenever she joined, drinks already on the table.

“Hi Rory!” Swiss said as he took the seat next to her. They hugged and exchanged a quick kiss as Rain slid into the seat across from them, leaning against the wall. Dew took the end seat next to Rain. He gently tapped his fingers on the table. While he did agree to go out tonight, he felt the urge to drink all his problems away. To drink the thoughts of Aether out of his head, in hopes it would solve everything. It was impulsive, but he didn’t generally stop himself when it came down to it. So without hesitation he picked up his drink and chugged it. Everyone stared as they watched the liquid disappear from the glass. The warm feeling of whiskey made its way to his chest as he swallowed the last drop, setting the glass back down onto the table.

“Rough day?” Aurora asked before taking a small sip of her fruity vodka drink. All Dew did was nod, looking for their waiter to flag down. The alcohol hit him faster than it normally did, but that was mainly because of the fact he hadn’t eaten since his breakfast with Clover… Which was over 12 hours ago. Everyone watched as he ordered two more whiskey’s straight, glancing at each other expecting someone to step in. But no-one did. The two glasses were set on the table within a few minutes and Dew got half-way through one before they ordered. Rain and Swiss got their usual burger’s, Aurora got her wrap and Dew got fries.

“You have to get more than that Dewdrop… Especially if you’re going to drink like that,” Aurora said as she watched him finish his second drink. He waved his hand dismissively, who was she to tell him what to do? She shot a worried glance at Rain, they sighed. As Dew went to grab his next drink, Rain reached over and snatched it, placing it as far away from him as possible.

“Hey! Give it back!” He hissed as he tried to reach around the other person, but they stood their ground. His world spun a little more than he would like to admit, but he pressed forward.

“You need to at least eat chicken tenders… or something other than fries.”

Dew pouted for a moment. He couldn’t let Rain win. Then he thought of an idea.

“If you won’t let me have that drink…” Dew said as he perked up, looking around for an open spot at the bar. “Then I guess I’ll have to get another one.”

Before anyone could catch onto his plan, the slippery bastard made his way up to the bar, leaning against the counter. He ordered another whiskey, this one bigger than the last two. Rain swiftly made their way up to the counter, giving the bartender a polite nod as they harshly pulled Dew back to the table. He downed the drink before anyone could take it away.

One of the downsides to his actions was that now he was being forced to eat Chicken tenders. But that wasn’t fully a complaint on his end, seeing as he got his other drink back after he ate a few. Swiss and Aurora were in their own world while Rain and Dew chatted, mainly about boring things. The weather and traffic being the main two, even though neither of them owned a car. Aether had a car. He would take Dew wherever he wanted to go. They went on trips to the mall, to the beach, sometimes to a nearby cemetery for picnics. Dew sighed. Even being 4 drinks in he couldn’t escape Aether. There were so many fun times and laughter with him, especially here. Dew looked over to the bar, watching as a past Aether and him giggled at sports on the TV. Then he looked to the pool table near the back of the building and saw Aether wrap his arms around Dew as he tried to teach the blond how to play. He laughed under his breath at the memory. He had already known how to play, but Aether insisted on teaching him. His smile faded.

“Whatcha looking at?” Rain asked gently, resting their hand on top of Dew’s. It sent sparks up his arm and along his spine, something he hadn’t felt in a while. Their thumb traced his skin.

“Jus’ Aether.” Normally he would be so afraid to say something like that, but it barely phased him. Maybe the alcohol tricked his brain into not thinking as much.

Through concerned eyes, Rain glanced in between Dew and the pool table. “What do you mean?”

“Why did he leave?” They sat there in silence. Dew’s throat closed up as his sadness took over. His head made its way to the table, resting in between his arms. Rain’s thumb paused for a moment.

“I-”

“We talked about forever… and then he left,” Dew turned his head so he could look at Rain. “Will you leave me?”

Rain’s eyebrows pressed together, “Of course not Dew… You’re stuck with me till the end.” They laughed a little, hoping to lighten the mood. It left a feeling in Dew’s gut that he had forgotten about. It was warm and fuzzy like a fireplace on a cold winter’s night, love. It made him smile even as tears rolled down his cheeks. It made him think about all of the times with Rain and how they had literally gone through everything together. They had tried dating, but that didn’t work, so they stuck with best friends. It felt right. Yet somehow it also left a feeling for more, but he didn’t understand why. He brushed it off, lifting his head and flagging the waiter down. Maybe another drink would get rid of the feeling boiling in his gut.

Rain sighed as another glass was set down in front of Dew. Without a second to waste, He drank it.

I will forget him

I don’t need him

His face fell flush as the whiskey made its way through his system, resting in the bottom of his stomach. He smiled as he slid down in his seat. Rain laughed endearingly, shaking their head. Dew glanced at them, then toward the small hallway in the back that led to the bathroom. He watched as Aether led a past Dew down there, pressing him against a wall before they even got to an enclosed space. His past self giggled as he said they would get caught, and Aether didn’t care, placing soft kisses along his neck. Dew felt his collar bone, wishing for the same kisses to be placed. He shook his head, hoping to get rid of the many thoughts that crossed his mind, but it was too late. The blood already rushed down and now he couldn’t get his mind off of it. It had been so long since he felt anyone, and he missed it. Before the tears building up behind his eyes fell, Rain gently touched his shoulder.

“We should go.”

Dew looked at them, pouting. “But, I want moreeeee!” Rain shook their head, helping the smaller man out of the booth, letting him lean on them.

“It’s time to go home.”

Before Dew could protest much more, they were outside, taking small steps together. His head rested on Rain’s shoulder. From an outside perspective, it would look uncomfortable, but to both of them it worked. It reminded him of the many times him and Aether would walk this street. Why was he thinking of that? He looked up at Rain, he needed to forget Aether. The street lights highlighted their cheekbones and always made them look pretty. The thought of them underneath him, or them pressed against the wall crossed his mind. It made his dick harden. Maybe that’s how he could get his mind off of Aether. Ever since Dew’s parents kicked him out and Rain’s parents took him in, they had been friends with benefits. A good fuck would surely clear his head.

So that’s what he did. As soon as they set foot into the house with the door locked behind them, Dew pushed Rain against the wall and placed his lips onto their’s. It was only a peck before Rain gently pulled Dew away.

“Hold on…” Rain looked into his eyes, “Are you sure?”

Dew nodded. No hesitation, but also no thought. The alcohol had taken over his brain. Mix that with missing his ex and you got a horny, needy Dew. He grabbed at Rain like his life depended on it and pulled them closer, their lips grazing each other. Mere centimeters away, and yet Dew couldn’t get any closer. Something was keeping their distance, but he didn’t have time to figure out what.

“Please.” He whined but Rain still held him back.

“Dew. We don’t need to,” They were understanding and calm, but it was the other side he wanted to see. The side of them that he loved a few years ago. The hungry one. The one that made Dew jump in his skin.

“I want you,” He pushed more, finally breaking the barrier and pressing their lips together. The heat of the moment rose as they lingered by the front door. Rain had given up on keeping him away, knowing that he wouldn’t stop until he got what he wanted. They wouldn’t admit it, but they missed Dew. The way he tasted, the way he sounded. It had been too long. They pulled away for air.

“Your room?” Rain asked as they picked Dew up by his thighs. He shook his head.

“Yours,” Dew said as he wrapped his legs around their waist. His words started slurring together. “Mine’s-a-mess.”

Rain nodded as their hands rested on his ass, or lack thereof. While they walked, Dew placed kisses along their neck, leaving a few marks along the way. The stairs were a struggle, but they continued to carry the smaller man like nothing was wrong. As soon as they got to Rain’s room, Dew was placed on his back. It was their time to return the favor. Rain went to lift his long sleeve shirt, but Dew’s hands stopped them. He shook his head as they made eye contact. Rain’s eyebrows furrowed.

“We don’t have to do this,” Rain said as worry covered their lust. Dew needed this to happen, he needed to get over Aether. But if Rain saw the scars on his wrists there would be questions. He didn’t need questions.

“I wanna-”

“Are you sure?”

Dew nodded, chewing at his bottom lip. Rain continued to look at him unsure to trust him, He was drunk after all. How could he convince them this is what he wanted? Then an idea popped into his head. He grabbed onto Rain’s shirt, pulling them down.

“I want you to fill me up.” Dew whispered into their ear. “I want to feel you inside of me.” Rain’s eyes grew dark, but the lust was still tucked away. Fuck it. He needed this, so before he could think about it, he pulled off his shirt, keeping his eyes screwed shut. All he could think about were the harmful remarks that Atlas would make whenever they had sex, especially toward his scars. But Rain didn’t take note of them and continued on as if nothing had happened. Maybe they weren’t as noticeable as Dew expected. It took no time for Rain to get to work marking the smaller man. Their teeth grazed his collar bone, sending shivers down his spine. Dew took a deep breath, pushing away the thoughts of Atlas and focusing on the sensations, letting it drive his mind. How he had missed this closeness, he forgot how amazing it felt to share a moment of intimacy with anyone, especially Rain. Dew helped Rain get their top off, showing off their curves. His hands glided up their sides.

“So pretty,” Dew whispered as his fingers passed over their nipples, earning a small yelp out of Rain. They grinded their hips down, causing both of them to moan. But mixed in with those moans Dew swore he heard Aether. When he looked around he thought he saw him too, but when he blinked it was back to Rain. The alcohol was really messing with him. Dew quickly flipped them, maybe then he could forget Aether.

They exchanged a quick kiss while Dew fumbled with the button on Rain’s pants. The kiss broke with them laughing.

“You need help there?” Rain asked through a smile, their hands already making their way down to the button. Dew swatted them away.

“I got it.”

Without too much more effort he succeeded, quickly tugging down their jeans and underwear, exposing them. A smirk grew on Dew’s face as he admired the person in front of him. Everything in him said to take his time, to be caring. But then he was reminded of the way Aether would treat him, so caring and slow. Dew just needed him out of his head. He quickly removed his pants, he needed Rain now. If they weren’t inside of him within the next few moments the tears would come out. Was he really about to cry? He needed to act like everything was normal, if Rain saw one sliver of his uncertainty, the questions would never end.

Before he got too deep into thought he rummaged through the top drawer of Rain’s night stand. He pushed a few things around, not finding what he was looking for. Had they changed the location? It had been a couple of years.

“Condom?” Dew asked, the directness mainly from the alcohol. Rain laughed under their breath.

“Other drawer.”

Dew opened the second drawer, finding a new package of condoms. He quickly opened them, grabbing one and returning to over top of Rain.

“Funny that you remember what drawer they used to be in,” Their hand moved to cup Dew’s face as he struggled with the packaging. He smiled slightly as he finally opened the condom. “You want me to put it on?” Rain asked, memories of how Dew would struggle to get one on years ago, but he shook his head. It rolled on pretty easily, his time with Aether at least served one purpose. No. He needed to move quicker. As soon as it was on properly, Dew spit onto his hand, trying his best to lather it around. Rain moaned as he unintentionally gave them a hand job.

“Baby-ugh- slow down.”

Dew shook his head, moving so he could line himself up.

“Stretch yourse-”

Before they could finish Dew slowly lowered himself, resting his head into their shoulder. They both groaned.

“Fuck,” Rain moaned, slapping Dew’s ass. “You want me that badly huh?” Their voice turned into a growl. The slap almost sent him back to Aether, but he bit into Rain’s shoulder. He had to hold back the tears. Why was he still in Dew’s head? Why wouldn’t he leave? His bite grew deeper, the taste of iron mixing into his mouth.

“Loosen up baby.” Their voice softened.

He bottomed out, sitting for a moment. This isn’t Aether, this is Rain. The attempt to reassure himself caused his bite to loosen, licking at the pierced skin. Maybe he could pull through and be normal. But then the memory of how he would bite Aether and force pretty noises out of him came back. Right when he thought he escaped.

WHY

He rested his forehead on Rain’s shoulder as he began to move, ignoring the pain piercing through his body. The tears that built up behind his eyes slipped out, seeping into Rain’s skin.

Why can’t I just move on?

I’m pathetic

“Take your time.”

Their voice was distant as Dew picked up the pace. The tears streamed down his face, but he ignored them. If he kept telling himself they were from the pain, maybe it would make him feel better.

“Baby? Ugh-”

Rain’s cock slammed into his prostate, causing the tears to worsen. The cry that left his mouth should have had pleasure laced in it, but instead it left pain and agony in the air. Rain’s hands rested on Dew’s waist.

“Slow down Dew,” they were more stern this time, stopping his movements. A light haze covered his vision as he tried to pry Rain’s hands from his waist.

“Don’t rush yourself.”

“I-I need this,” Dew said as he coerced Rain’s hands from his waist, slowly beginning movement again. The next moan that came from Rain reminded him of Aether. That was the final straw. Dew stopped moving and cried into Rain’s shoulder. He had tried so many things, and yet Aether still lived in his head, rent free.

“Why?” He spoke softly, so quietly that Rain barely picked it up. Their hands moved to Dew’s back, rubbing up and down slowly.

“I told you to prep yourself,” They laughed. It was light hearted, until Dew shuddered, continuing to cry into their shoulder. The dam was open and he couldn’t close it. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I-I…” Dew shook his head. He was supposed to be fine, and yet he couldn’t even have sex with someone without Aether flooding his brain. “I can’t… I’m sorry.” It should have worked, why didn’t it work? He waited for Rain to scold him, tell him how stupid he was. Add onto his already traumatic life.

“Baby… That’s okay,” They were so kind to Dew. Why? He had been nothing other than distant with them recently and yet they were so patient. Dew sobbed even harder into Rain’s shoulder, he didn’t deserve this. But Rain just sat there and comforted him, like it wasn’t a problem. It made him crumble under their touch. In his drunk state he couldn't stop himself from potentially ruining everything.

“I-” Dew breathed in harshly. “I thought it would help.” He shook his head, pressing his eyes into Rain's shoulder, almost expecting to disappear into it. They continued to comfort him, being a cushion for all of his feelings.

“It's okay to feel lonely. But-”

“He won’t get out of my head.” Dew cringed as the words came out. He was sharing too much. Rain didn't want to hear about his issues, he was already being a pain by breaking down after seducing them. When he lifted his head, Rain’s eyebrows were pressed together with worry. Shit.

“Who?” Then their face softened. He said too much, but it was too late to turn back. Dew sat up and covered his face, both of them ignoring the fact he was still impaled.

“He just wouldn’t leave, so I thought maybe… I don’t know” There he goes again, He hit himself on the head. There were so many ways that this could go, and he was only expecting the worst. Being yelled at and kicked out, or maybe being spat on and beat up. But what he didn’t expect was Rain pulling him back down and hugging him as tight as they physically could. For a few moments Dew thought he would just die there, frozen still. He didn’t understand why they were squeezing him, but he was scared to find out. Without much thought Rain began to remove Dew from on top of them, but continued the cuddle once he was more comfortable.

“Your thoughts are valid… You are valid.” They said into his hair, placing a kiss with it. “I know Atlas fucked you up… But I care about you.”

The silence felt needed, Dew continued to cry as Rain's hands brushed through his hair. It reminded him of when he was kicked out. The way Rain took him under their wing. Fresh out of high school with no home. There were so many nights he would cry and try not to wake Rain, but they always knew. They would pull him closer and comfort him like they had always been friends.

“Please… Talk to me.”

“I wont judge.”

Chapter Text

5 years ago

Dew's grad party was everything he could have hoped for. Rain and their parents had stopped by and so did a lot of his distant family. He had accumulated close to $800 for school or whatever his next step was, and he couldn't hold back his excitement. He was one step closer to getting a new place, getting away from his parents. Everything finally felt okay. But when the sun sank and everyone had their places to be, it changed.

“That's my money!” Dew screamed as his father counted through it.

“800 dollars? That's the charge for a bad son. Looks like you got nothing” he shrugged as he began to pocket the money. His mother sat at their island in the kitchen as his dad walked over to her. To say they were well off was an understatement. Everything about this house screamed ‘Rich Assholes’, and Dew knew it was true.

“Is there a charge for bad fathers?” He hissed and his parents froze.

“We have been nothing but accommodating to you and your kind,” His mother chimed in with an offended glare.

“Is this how you repay us?” His Dad loomed over Dew, the threat that he had grown used to over the past 18 years thick in the air. He knew he wouldn't get away without at least one bruise, and he accepted that as soon as he spoke. “I thought we raised you better.”

Before Dew could make a witty remark, he was smacked across the face with enough force to throw off his balance, catching himself on the cabinet. Blood trickled out of his nose across his lips.

That was quick.

“Guess again,” Dew said before spitting onto the tile floor, spraying it with light red droplets. His mother gasped.

“Clean that up!”

He shook his head. He had been sticking it to the man for the past year, but this was new territory.

“Dewdrop. Listen to your mother!”

“Why?! Just to be your ‘Perfect straight son’?” He said as tears made their way down his cheeks. “That isn’t me! That will never be me!”

“You brat!” His father said before grabbing onto his long blond hair and dragging him down the hallway. He was thrown into his room. “You have 5 minutes to gather all your shit… Better get packing." Before he had the chance to question the decision, the door was slammed.

“FINE! I WAS GONNA LEAVE ANYWAYS!”

He packed the bare essentials, his favorite clothes, laptop that he earned, some snacks he had hidden, posters, and his favorite blanket. Right as he was about to walk out, he passed a framed picture of him and Rain, taken at his 18th birthday party their parents had thrown for him. He quickly placed it in his bag with a light smile.

The moment was ruined when he was pulled out of his room, once again by his hair. His hands drifted to his father’s, trying to pry them away. When they were a few feet from the door Dew scratched deeper than intended, causing his father to drop him.

“You bitch!”

Dew fell onto his side and groaned, that would definitely leave a mark. Right when he was trying to stand, his dad walked over and kicked him in the stomach.

“Get up fag.”

Before he thought too much about it, he latched onto his father’s leg, scratching with his nails, tearing away the fabric. Dew sank his teeth into his father’s leg, causing him to yelp.

“You feral fuck!”

He was thrown onto the porch like a wild dog, uncared for and never understood.

“Don’t ever come back,” His mother said with tears in her eyes before slamming the door shut and locking it.

“I HATED YOU RICH ASSHOLES ANYWAYS!” He yelled from the floor, slamming his fist into the finished wood. Of course this would happen. Of course the moment he’s the happiest would be ruined by his parents. There were so many things he thought of doing. Maybe he could light their house on fire, or slash their tires. But he stood, chose the most peaceful way and wandered the streets. It seemed like he would become the homeless person that his parents judged. They always felt so highly of themselves when they would give out 20 dollar bills like it’s nothing. Maybe in a few years when he finally grew out a beard they wouldn’t even recognize him and show him the same kind of arrogance. He sighed as he sat on a bench in a nearby park, placing his bag in his lap. When he opened it, he was greeted with shattered glass.

“Shit.”

The frame from his 18th birthday photo must have broken when he was thrown to the ground, multiple times. Thankfully the photo was still intact. Before he could think too much about it his phone vibrated, a call from Rain. They’ll get a kick out of this. He answered, placing the phone against his ear.

“Hey Dew! How did the rest of your grad party go!?” Rain asked, they sounded a little bit further from the mic, it must be on speaker phone… Oh well.

“Oh just swell ya know. Made $800 from it! Until my dad took all of it for some ‘Bad son tax’,” He laughed it off and so did Rain, both of them not fully processing the information. Then a switch flipped in Dew’s head and tears made their way down his cheeks. “Fuck.” He didn’t want them to worry about him, but it was too late.

“Dew? You okay?” Rain asked, this time closer to the mic. Dew shook his head as if they could see him. His hands began to shake as everything caught up to him.

“I don’t know… Fuck Rain,” He placed the call on speaker phone and set it in his lap. His hands couldn’t stay still any longer, they ran through his hair and covered his face. His voice broke, “They kicked me out Rain.”

“What?” It felt as if time froze, they hoped that they heard him wrong but knew deep down they didn’t.

“Why did I do that!?” his knee began to bounce, the fear of his phone dropping nowhere to be seen. “This is all my fault.”

“Dew, listen to me… This isn’t your fault,” Rain’s mom said softly, rustling could be heard in the background, but Dew didn’t pay attention. His vision began to tunnel but Rain’s voice brought him back. “Where are you?”

“The park.”

“Which on-” Before they could finish their sentence, the call cut out. Dew quickly looked at his phone, he should have good service, so why did it hang up? Then he noticed that there was no service. His parents took it away.

“Fuck!”

He tossed his phone to the side. His hands gripped onto his hair.

“Why me?” His vision blurred as his breathing picked up. He always wished to get away from his parents, but not like this. If there was a god then why did he always give Dew the short end of the stick. It was probably because he was gay, or didn’t treat his parents ‘correctly’. He didn’t want to care about it, but it wouldn’t leave his brain.

This is all your fault

You did this

You deserve this

The voice wouldn’t leave him alone, it made his skin rest uncomfortably, he wanted to run away but he could never escape his thoughts so he sat there. Time felt like a blur, did he even exist? His wrist began to sting and he couldn't figure out why. The only thing he could do was listen as his thoughts degraded him.

Your parents were right,

You are just a dumb fag

He opened his mouth but nothing came out, maybe he was just imagining things. Maybe it was just a dream and he would wake up at home with his parents making breakfast. When he looked around everything was blurry, even the figure that ran up to him.

“Oh my gosh, Dew? Are you okay?” They sounded far away, but he could feel them putting pressure against his wrist. Why did it sting? He tried to push their hand away but they persisted. “I need to stop the bleeding. I’m sorry if it hurts” Dew stopped fighting it, accepting the black walls that crept in and closing his eyes.

“No. Stay with me Dew.”

“Mom! He's lost a lot of blood.”

“We need to take him to a hospital.”

“Will he even make it?”

“He will hun.”

Who were they talking about? Before he could think too hard about it he felt as though he was floating through space, unable to control his movements. Then there was silence.

Bright lights assaulted his eyes as they opened and he felt a grip on his hand tighten. When he looked over, he was met with a puffy eyed Rain.

“You’re okay.”

He couldn’t tell if it was meant as a question or to calm him, but he accepted it.

“What happened?” His voice was raspy, like he had gone to sleep dehydrated. Somebody else squeezed his other hand so he looked over, finding Rain’s mom with equally red eyes.

“We found you on the park bench and had to take you here.”

He finally glanced at his right hand, finding it bandaged and his palm sore. His other arm had bandaging around his forearm, like there was one big gash or multiple tiny ones. He looked at Rain confused, his brain still not able to put the puzzle together.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Being on the phone with you,” He looked toward the wall, trying to dig deeper, but only finding blank slates and blurred out memories. Rain and their mother exchanged a glance, unsure of if they should explain it or not, his brain did block it out for a good reason.

“You cut yourself pretty badly with some glass.”

Then it all came back. The way he screamed at himself through tears that he wasn’t worthy of love while stabbing his arm repeatedly. The way he hoped to be found dead so he wouldn’t have to continue living in a world that he knew hated him.

He quickly closed his eyes, wishing the memories away. Why did he look for them, why did he want to remember that. He nodded, signaling that he knew, but chose to sit in silence as tears ran down his face.

Why me?

Chapter Text

Dew was back to scanning CD’s at work since there wasn’t much else to do for the day. Ifrit a few feet away at the other computer, scanning vinyl. Before they had opened Omega had said that there was a new hire coming in and they were instructed to approach the service counter. Just peachy. Dew didn’t much care for new people, but it didn’t matter too much since they would be doing shipping which was hidden in the backroom by the Spillways Lounge, which he never went into. That was Zephyr’s domain. Guitars, woodwinds, drums. You name it, he had it. Zeph wasn’t one for conversations so they generally never interacted unless it was for a phone call or customer help. But he never complained.

While Dew was on the phone, a man with a slim build, medium length black wavy hair with a streak of white and a scar across his right eyebrow approached the counter. Because he was on the phone, the stranger went to Ifrit, talking about something that caused them to shake hands, before the latter ran to the back. Dew was so focused on the physical world, he forgot what the customer on the line asked about. Putting on his best customer service voice, he spoke.

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that for me?”

They sounded upset that he had asked for the millionth time, but then repeated it. He made sure to write it down as soon as possible and then reassured the customer that he would be right back. As soon as the phone clicked onto hold he sighed out of relief. He started to type into the computer what they were looking for, writing down the information. When he looked up he caught the gaze of the stranger. He had beautiful purplish gray eyes, and a nice smile. But he couldn’t fool Dew with that.

“Can I help you?” He was stern, but it didn’t seem to phase the other.

“Oh sorry, uh… Clifford was helping me… I’m the new hire.”

“You mean Ifrit… Don’t you know staring is rude.” He laughed deep down that the newbie got Ifrit’s name wrong, he would have to tell him later.

“Oh shit… sorry,” the new hire rubbed the back of his neck. Before the conversation continued, Dew walked off toward his next mission, finding a used P!nk album. It was rare that they got them in and kept them, so the chances were slim to none, but he had to check just to be sure. While he was looking through the CD’s he couldn’t help but feel the eyes glued onto him peel off as Omega approached the service counter. Dew couldn’t quite make out any of the conversation, but could definitely make out the slim waist the newbie had. His lower back would peak out every once and a while due to his low waisted baggy jeans and his shirt, which was too short to tuck in. Dew shook his head as he continued his search, but could not find it.

When he went to pick up the phone to tell the customer the bad news he saw no line on hold.

“Welp… looks like they won’t get their answer,” He said lightly to himself. Omega and the new twink walked over to the Spillways Lounge, out of sight.

“So… What ‘cha think of the new guy?” Ifrit asked as he rested his head in his hands, curiosity filled his gaze as Dew glared at him.

“He’s not gonna last 2 weeks here.”

“I’m not talking about that,” Ifrit said with a wink. “I saw you staring at him from the rock section… you can’t fool me.”

“I was trying to decipher what Omega was saying-”

“By staring at Phantom’s hips?” Ifrit laughed for a moment then continued, “You gotta admit… He’s cute.”

Dew shrugged and went back to scanning CD’s. “Ya know… he thought your name was Clifford,” he laughed. Was he trying to change the subject? Yes. But Ifrit didn’t need to know that.

“Really?!” The other asked through a chuckle and Dew nodded. Before they could continue their conversation, Omega and Phantom walked over. The former explaining the organization of the store and the latter nodding with every comment.

“This is Dew and Ifrit, our sales associates.”

"Dewdrop to you," Dew scoffed as he looked the newbie up and down.

“Well uh..." Phantom gulped, but outstretched his hand enthusiastically. "It's a pleasure to meet you Dewdrop!” Too much excitement.

Dew sighed before taking the other’s hand. Surprisingly, It was a good handshake, the perfect amount of firmness. There was a light in Phantom’s eyes that wasn’t there before. It made Dew’s heart flutter and he didn’t fully understand why. It haunted him for the rest of the day, leaving when he took care of a customer and then returning. Always there to remind him of the feelings of warmth he denied himself.

He took the long walk to the park that day, the thought still in his head. He tried so hard to get it out, even ate food on his break. But it still bounced around like a child in a bouncy castle.

Why?

He watched himself walk in the reflection of the windows for each store front. Why did it affect him so much? He looked forward, trying to get his mind off of it. Then he noticed the store signs, they looked so familiar. When he looked back to the windows he recognized the bar that laid on the other side, pulling him to a stop. His eyes traced up the bar top, landing on the only occupied seat. The seat where he met Atlas.,

Dew walked into the bar, already slightly tipsy from the bar hopping he had been doing previously. The stools were mostly empty, but he noticed a cute man with a medium length brown mullet and couldn’t resist the seat next to him. As soon as he sat the bartender approached and he ordered his usual, a whiskey. He was so hyper aware of his surroundings that he could feel the gaze of the stranger trace his body, lingering on his hips and his neck. But he paid no mind, sipping on his drink once it arrived and pretending to watch the sports on the TV.

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing here?”

That was quick. He for sure thought he would have to pull some more moves before the other would speak, but he proved Dew wrong.

“Just out bar hopping. My usual Saturday night.” He turned his head slightly to get a better view of the stranger. “How about yourself?” The lighting highlighted his cheek bones, bringing out the light blush that dusted his face.

“Ya know, usual saturday night at my favorite bar,” he said before drinking from his glass, emptying it. Dew did the same and placed his glass on the table. “Can I buy you a drink?” The man offered.

“Won't tell me your name first?”

“Oh yea… Name's Atlas,” he outstretched his hand. “And yours?”

“Dewdrop… But you can call me Dew.” It started as a handshake but before he could release his hand, Atlas brought Dews to his lips, placing a light kiss on it.

“It's a pleasure to meet you Dew”

He was so stupid to go back to Atlas’ place and ask for his number that night. But he shook off the feeling and continued walking.

When he arrived at the forest, Clover was waiting. They ran up to him, meowing and purring, rubbing against his leg.

“I know, I’m sorry I’m late. Took the long way here.”

They sat down in their normal spot, Clover eating their food and Dew snacking on some Takis while reading. At least it looked like he was reading, but his brain was moving too fast to absorb anything. The book closed as Clover looked up, licking their lips.

“There’s a new guy at work,” Dew said as Clover climbed into his lap. “It’s only his first day and I know he’s gonna be a pain in my ass… Why can’t I stop thinking about him?” the more he talked about it, the angrier he felt, running his hands over his face. Clover looked at him curiously, as if they were comforting him.

“He’s just so innocent…” He looked off into the distance, “I wish I was still innocent.” It was a whisper, not like anyone was actually listening. Clover rubbed their face into his stomach which prevented him from spiraling. He smiled down as he pet them, giving them ear scratches. “I should just drop it… I mean I won’t be seeing him that much anyways.”

Days later he cursed himself for saying that. It’s like the universe knew exactly what he hated and found every opportunity to piss him off. It was only Phantom’s 4th day of working and he was always around Dew, trying to start conversations. When he was looking for orders? chatty. When he was on break? Chatty. When he came in, when he left, when he did ANYTHING. He was chatty. Luckily Ifrit would always be around so Dew would basically ignore him, only talking when he was spoken to. But today Ifrit called off sick. Which meant that Phantom would be helping on the floor as much as he could while doing shipping, and Dew would be staying later than usual. His worst nightmare was becoming a reality.

Omega had asked Dew to put away t-shirts for the day, so he was off by the jazz CD's near the front. The process was simple, find out which shirt had the least on the hangers, take them down and swap them for new ones. Normally this would take him a couple of hours, but it seemed like where he went, Phantom just so happened to be looking for something in the same area. He would ask questions frequently and mostly for the stupidest things. Dew had been trying for the whole day to not snap, but it was getting harder with each second.

“Hey Dewdrop, where would this artist be?”

Dew rolled his eyes and rested his head against the hook used to take down shirts. He lowered the few shirts he was taking down and turned to Phantom, taking the sheet from him. At this point, he may as well look for them himself. He quickly read the page, finding the artist's name.

“That's gonna be in the indie section.”

After handing the paper back, he immediately went back to the shirts, trying not to pay attention to the lost puppy standing next to him.

“Uh… Where is that again?”

Either Phantom was oblivious to the fumes running from Dew or just loved to annoy him.

“Why don't you figure it out yourself, huh?”

Normally Dew could say mean things and not feel the repercussions, but the way Phantom looked at him like a kicked dog made his heart sting. He almost apologized, but before he could Phantom stormed away toward the bathrooms. Dew fucked up, badly. He continued watching the younger man, especially as he got to the bathrooms and looked between them. One labeled women's and the other men's. Instead of going in he collapsed onto the floor. Fuck. He really fucked up. Dew dropped the tee he was holding and quickly walked toward the back but before he got far Zephyr walked out and immediately started comforting Phantom. Dew ran his hand through his hair and went back to his t-shirts.

After that, everything felt like it was moving too fast. Whether it be about the way he snapped or the fact that he felt the need to be so mean to Phantom. Maybe Ifrit would have some good advice. So on his break he sent out a text.

Dewy:
I fucked up.

Iffie:
Let me guess… You accidentally confessed your feelings for the new guy!

Dewy:
The opposite... made him break down

Iffie:
WHAT!?

Before Dew could respond, Ifrit called.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU MADE HIM BREAKDOWN?!”

Dew pulled the phone away from his ear, wincing.

“I snapped okay! You know how I get!”

“Yea! But I'm used to that! Why would you snap at him?” Ifrit did bring up a fair point, why was he so pissy with Phantom? Silence filled the space as he thought.

“I don't know!”

“You have to apologize to him!”

“I don't think he wants to talk to me.”

“Doesn't matter.”

“But-”

“It’s the right thing to do.”

Dew sighed. Ifrit was right, he had to apologize, but how? He spent the rest of the day thinking about it, coming up with a script and then tossing it. He planned out so many ways to put it and by the end of their shifts barely put it together.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” Dew said as they walked to the front. He could only keep his eyes on the floor or the glass door 15 feet in front of them.

“It’s okay… I need to be less sensitive,” Phantom said groggily. When Dew looked over he could see the tears stains on his cheeks and the way his eyes were puffy. He looked like shit. It made Dew’s heart melt as Phantom gave him a light smile as if to keep him from questioning further.

Before Dew could continue the conversation, Omega wished them both a good night and they went their separate ways. But the look on Phantom’s face would forever haunt him.

So much that the sleep he got the night after was terrible. He wasn’t necessarily dreaming about Phantom, he just would wake up in a cold sweat and immediately think about it. Why did he care? He apologized and they resolved it, end of story. But then the pang in his heart would return. He wanted to tear it out so badly, anything to escape the feeling.

When he walked into work he looked like death. Eye bags and a slouch had everyone asking if he was okay. He would just nod and try his best to convince them.

“Here is your coffee… woah! Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed or somethin’?” Ifrit handed Dew his coffee and started to clock in. All Dew could do was shrug as he took a long swig from the paper cup.

“I couldn’t sleep at all. Still feel terrible,” Is all he needed and wanted to say. He didn’t tell Ifrit what happened when he apologized, but contemplated if he should have. Before he had the chance, Phantom walked into the store, clocking in near the front. When he walked over he nodded toward Dew and then turned his attention to Ifrit.

“Hi Ifrit! How are you doing today?”

“Hanging in there, how about you?”

“Good! Always a good day when you’re working here right!?”

Ifrit smiled at the ray of sunshine as he made his way to the back, while Dew couldn’t help but feel whiplash. He swore there would be some carry over for him today, but apparently he got all the rest he needed.

“Look at the little bundle of joy,” Ifrit said as he glanced at Dew who was off in space. Phantom had him worried, and for what!? “You okay Dew?”

He snapped himself out of the trance with a weak response, “I’m fine.”

“Come on Dew… You can talk to me.”

“It’s just that… He looked like shit when we left. How is he so happy!?” Dew glanced between the door to the backroom and Ifrit.

“Maybe he has a good support system or something.” Ifrit lightly punched Dew in the shoulder before he started scanning vinyl. “Try not to dwell on it too hard.”

For the rest of his shift, that’s all he could do. Think about what could have gotten Phantom’s mood up within such a short span. Maybe he has a cat, or a partner. Or maybe it was a good family relationship. 2 of the 3 Dew didn’t have so it would make sense.

A loud banging interrupted his train of thought, and when he looked toward the bathroom Omega was adjusting something on the door.

“You know what he’s doing?” Dew asked, watching curiously as Omega moved to the next door.

“No idea… Wanna go see?” Ifrit said with a smile on his face, and Dew nodded.

They walked up as Omega was adding the finishing touches. There were new signs that said “All Gender bathroom”

“So what’s going on here?” Ifrit said curiously, finally reading the signs.

“Some people complained about it not being inclusive enough so, I decided to make it less gendered for the comfort of our workers and customers.” Omega smiled, admiring his work like it was artwork in a museum.

“That's nice!” Ifrit said and turned to Dew.

“You made me get out of my chair for this bullshit?!” He sighed, feigning anger.

“Hey, At least we solved the mystery. Maybe next time it'll be more interesting.” Ifrit chuckled as they walked back to the service counter.

Chapter Text

Every year Omega would get all of the R&R Records workers together for a “Family meal”. Last year it took place at a local pizzeria and this year it was at a local Mexican restaurant. Dew and Phantom sat across from each other; Dew between Ifrit and Omega and Phantom between Zephyr and Mist, Omega’s Partner.

Everyone chatted, Dew with Ifrit and Phantom with Zephyr. With all that happened between them it was probably best they didn’t interact. Not like Phantom wanted to anyways.

Omega tapped the side of his glass with a spoon, bringing the chatter down.

“Today we celebrate another year at R&R Records and a new hire, Phantom!” He raised his glass as he glanced at the newbie, “Happy to have you in our family, Cheers!”

Everyone repeated ‘Cheers’ as they clinked their glasses together. Dew’s clink was half-assed, but everyone seemed too focused on the newbie. Why was he so important? He was just like the rest of them.

Mist whispered something which caused Omega’s cheeks to turn red. He swiftly sat down and pulled them aside. Ifrit giggled slightly and turned to Phantom.

“I’m so happy you’re here.” he reached across, resting his hand on top of Phantom’s, “you’ve made our lives so much easier.” Dew glanced at the 3 tall glasses that used to be margaritas and rolled his eyes. Drunk Ifrit always found a way to embarrass him, now it was Phantom’s turn.

Phantom batted his free hand at Ifrit. “Stop, you don’t have to flatter me.”

“No, you deserve it Phantom,” Zephyr chimed in, patting the smaller man on the shoulder. “Without you, we would be a mess.”

Dew’s stomach twisted in disgust, so he pulled out his phone. The only thing that was able to keep him out of conversation was his favorite game, My Singing Monsters. Slowly every noise around him was tuned out and all of his attention was on his phone. Going about his daily tasks and such, ignoring the feeling of curious eyes watching his every move. They'll go away eventually.

“What ‘cha playing?” Phantom asked, causing Dew to jump in his skin.

He looked around, expecting Phantom to be talking to somebody, anybody other than him. But he was focused on Dew's phone.

“My Singing Monsters,” he answered quickly and went back to his phone. If he tried to hide behind it maybe a hint would be sent Phantom’s way to leave him alone.

“I love that game!”

Apparently not. Phantom pulled out his phone, loading the app. “I'm a little new to it, but I've been really enjoying it!”

When their eyes met it felt different from the other times, but Dew couldn’t quite figure out what he was feeling. Everything in him said to snap. Upset Phantom to save him the pain of getting too close. But he stayed quiet.

As soon as Phantom’s phone loaded, there was no stopping him. He proceeded to show all of his islands and talk about how long it took him. It never ended. Dew wanted to be upset. He wanted to find a reason to get out of the conversation, but how could he when he felt so interested in everything Phantom said. His brain was split in two, he didn’t know which side to follow. So he nodded along, hoping it would all be over soon so he could go back to not caring. But as the seconds turned to minutes he became more invested in Phantom’s thoughts on all the different monsters and the noises that they made. Dew added in his own thoughts whenever there was time. He started taking note of how the other bounced in his seat whenever he got excited, or the way he would flip his phone around and point at the screen aggressively. It made Dew smile and feel the tension melt away.

Wait. That’s not right.

He stood up abruptly, pushing his chair back so violently it fought to stay upright. Everyone’s eyes snapped to him.

“I have to go.”

--------

Birds fluttered around the park, going from tree to tree. Chirping at each other things that no person could ever understand. The breeze made the branches sway, bringing the scent of fall to Dew's nose. Everything around him screamed calm, but he felt far from it.

“I'm insane aren't I?!” Dew said to clover who was curled up in his lap. They looked up for a moment then rested their head on their paws.

“Why should I care if we play the same game?!”

He groaned in frustration as his hands dragged down his face. He had just gotten used to not talking to Phantom, and now all he could think about was Phantom. The way his hair always looked perfect, or how he was always in a good mood.

“How does he do it!”

Clover's head rubbed into Dew's stomach, pulling him from the jumbled mess that was his brain.

“I know, I know… I'm thinking too much.” His hand glided over Clover's fur, taking in the soft texture.

I wonder if his hair is this soft.

He jumped in surprise at the thought, startling Clover.

A shiver ran down his spine. How could he think about Phantom in that way? It felt wrong and disgusting… But also right.

“He’s just a coworker… that’s it.” Dew stated, returning to petting Clover. “Nothing more, nothing less.”
-------

When Dew opened the front door he was greeted with 3 hello’s, one more than expected. Aurora rested comfortably between Swiss’s legs on the love seat while Rain had the bigger couch all to himself.

“What’s going on here?” Dew asked as he slid off his shoes and took off his jacket. He didn’t fully care for the answer, but it would be weird if he walked by without saying anything.

“We’re watching Rogue One,” Rain responded while clicking the pause button. Aurora glanced back with eyebrows pressed together.

“Play the movie!” She faked annoyance.

“Oh shut up,” Rain teased, grabbing a handful of popcorn and pretending to throw it at her. They laughed as she snuggled back into Swiss.

Dew didn’t realize there was popcorn, but now all he could smell was popcorn. His stomach gurgled causing him to realize how hungry he truly was. Yea he had food at the restaurant but his anxiety generally stopped him from eating the proper amount.

“You want some?” Rain smiled lightly as they held the bowl out to Dew. “I made too much for myself and those losers aren’t gonna eat any.” Aurora turned around again with her tongue stuck out. Rain fought back by doing the same, mocking her. They both giggled.

Dew glanced toward the hallway. He could just leave and get food later. It probably was for the best that he had some alone time.

“I don’t bite,” Rain joked as they shook the bowl. His stomach churned again. Fuck it.

“Okay… But I can’t stay for the whole movie,” Dew said as he made his way to the big couch, leaving enough space for the bowl to be set between them.

“We ready to start?” Rain asked, assessing the room as everyone nodded. “Great!”

After they clicked play there was no turning back. Whether it was the couch being too comfortable or the taste of Rain’s homemade popcorn, Dew’s ass was glued to the couch. As the movie went on the popcorn bowl sat in many different places. It moved to Rain’s lap, then to Dew’s and finally to the coffee table when it was emptied. Dew hadn’t planned on getting comfy, but with his head resting on Rain’s shoulder he couldn’t leave. The warmth made his eyes grow heavy and it didn’t help when Rain grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over his body. His head eventually made its way to Rain’s lap, sealing his fate.

Dew swore he was only resting his eye for a few moments, but those few moments turned to minutes and hours. The movie faded into the background until all he heard was the steady beating of his and Rain’s hearts. It had been a while since they had been this close, and it left him longing for more. It reminded him of a time when he would hear a heartbeat almost every night. Aether.

Before he could think about it his head was gently lifted and placed back onto something softer. He stirred at the difference, rubbing his eyes as Rain froze at the end of the coffee table.

“Where are… you going?” Dew asked groggily, barely able to open his eyes due to the light emitting from the kitchen. The way the light loomed over Rain reminded Dew of Aether. The way he would leave Dew on the couch after a late night together. The familiar feeling of anxiety returned to his chest.

“Oh, uh. I’m going to sleep… Sorry for waking you.” Rain said after turning around. Their eyes met for a moment before Rain looked toward the coffee table finding the popcorn bowl. They picked it up and took a step toward the couch.

“You’re-fine,” Dew slurred, slowly sitting up. If Rain was truly like Aether then they would be gone by now. Why weren’t they gone? They had every reason to run. But they stood there patiently.

“Did you need help to your room?” They asked, kneeling in front of the other. Dew immediately shook his head. He could be strong. He needed to be strong.

“No, I’m fine.” The sentence came out clearer than the others, and yet his brain still felt so foggy. Was he really fine if he was constantly haunted by the person who abandoned him?

“You sure?” Rain looked into his eyes. He nodded… Why did he nod? “Okay. I’m gonna head up then.”

They turned around heading into the kitchen. He swore he didn’t have much to drink and yet he acted 5 drinks in. There was a light clash of dishes causing his head to snap to the corner hiding the kitchen. Rain walked out from behind the wall, resting their head on the corner.

“Goodnight Dew.” They turned around and took one step.

“Wait…” Dew called out. Reaching for the light.

Rain stopped, slowly turning around.

“Can I-uh…” Dew rubbed his eyebrows together, and sighed deeply. “Can I ask you a question?” Rain immediately nodded their head.

“Of course. What’s on your mind?”

Dew opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Before he could form anything a groan came from the love seat as Swiss and Aurora adjusted and slowly fell back asleep. Rain and Dew glanced at each other surprisedly. They shrugged as Dew stood then walked over, leading them into his room. Was this the smartest idea? No, but he didn’t have many options.

Dew’s room had clothes lying all over the place, food wrappers on every surface. Some empty with others barely eaten out of. If someone were to come in, they would have thought A tornado hit his room.

They both sat on the bed, Rain's back to most of the room.

“So, what did you wanna ask me?”

“oh uh…” Dew cleared his throat as his eyes landed on a grocery bag on his dresser. One that held many years of trauma and guilt. The blades he used all the way back from when he dated Atlas.

Shit. I thought I got rid of that.

He quickly continued in hopes of not drawing attention to it.

“How do you know when you're over an ex?”

“Uh well,” Rain sighed. “That's tough.” They rubbed their shoulder as they thought. Dews' eyes drifted back to the bag.

“Well, there’s no real way to know… Just take it day by day.” Dew started picking at his cuticles. His attention went back to Rain. Maybe if he ignored it, it would disappear.

“It may take a couple days. It may take weeks or months.” The bag taunted him from behind Rain. It promised comfort and love in trying times. But he stood his ground. He could withstand it.

Who was he kidding? He was weak.

“But…” Rain's words became distant as Dew's mind gave into the calls from across the room. The painful memories of Atlas scolding him flooded his brain. He was nothing without those blades and he knew it.

“Dew?”

It snapped him back, only to reveal that the bag had been seen.

Shit.

“It's not what it looks like,” Dew raised his hands in hopes of comforting Rain.

“Have you-”

“Nonono! Those are old!” Dew reassured but could feel Rain’s questions building. “I promise.”

The silence grew thick. It weighed down his shoulders and made his heart heavier. There were so many emotions coming from Rain it was hard to read how much trouble he was in. Maybe they could see through his lies. Maybe they knew he had relapsed.

“I’m sorry.” Dew looked down. His skin rested uncomfortably on his bones and all he could think about was the fresh blade waiting across the hall. It made his stomach churn and bile rise in his throat, but that was the routine. It controlled everything in his life.

His thoughts were cut off with the feeling of Rain’s arms wrapped around him. They squeezed tighter with their face pressed into his shoulder. They should have left by now. Aether did, so why didn’t they?

“I don’t know exactly what happened in the past.” Rain muffled while rubbing Dew’s back. “But I am here for you… We are here for you.”

They pulled away to look at Dew. He hadn’t realized it, but Rain was crying. The guilt built in the pit of his stomach.

“Please… Talk to me before going to those lengths.” Rain choked out and cleared their throat. “It-It’s not worth your life.”

Dew held back his shame as he nodded. He was never one to make a promise he couldn’t keep, so why did he agree? It wouldn’t last long, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell his best friend the truth. He’d already been hiding it so well, so what’s wrong with deepening the lie… right?

Rain pulled him in for another hug, this one softer than the other. It lightened the weight slightly and gave him hope. Maybe he could get over this hurdle. Maybe life was worth living.

“Thank you… For staying.”

Chapter Text

The sun rested low, still waking up from the night. It was ready to grace all of the leaves, grass, and living beings with its warmth. The morning dew from the hours of cool sat upon all things green and brought a refreshing scent to Dew’s nose. It helped him feel rejuvenated as he walked, Cat food in hand, to his usual spot. He laid a blanket out and sat down, shaking the bag of dry food. Generally it would take Dew a few shakes before Clover was all over him, begging.

But this morning was different. He must have shaken the bag over 50 times and there were no green eyes peering through the brush.

“Clover?” Dew called out into the abyss. No response. Where could they be? They never went far.

“Clover?!” Panic rose in his voice as he shook the bag again. Maybe they were losing their hearing or were just taking their time.

Nothing.

“CLOVER!” He yelled at the top of his lungs. He felt eyes from passersby but continued on, standing and walking down the line of trees. Still nothing. His heart pounded as black crept into his vision.

Fuck it.

Dew found a path into the forest and followed it, shaking the bag as he walked. He called out their name hundreds of times, each time with less vigor. Until he had no energy left. He returned to his blanket in hopes Clover would be waiting there, but no luck. Even a cat wanted nothing to do with him.

He sat around for hours, occasionally shaking the bag, but still nothing. It was unlike them, but he had tried all his options. The only thing that kept him sane wasn’t there. They probably found someone better. His lungs collapsed in on themselves as his body bursted at the seams. He pulled out his phone.

Dewy:
Idk where Clover is… I’m freaking out

Dew chewed on his cuticles, keeping his eyes on the trees. His phone vibrated.

Iffie:
Where are you?

Dewy:
Do you think they're gone for good?

Iffie:
Dew, Where are you?

Before he could finish typing his location he heard a rustle in the brush. His head snapped up, searching around for any sign. A small meow came from in front of him and out walked his baby.

“Clover!” He stood as quickly as he could and ran to the black cat. The closer he got the more his stomach churned. They had multiple scratches over their body. One over their left eye, keeping it mostly closed. Dew froze and covered his mouth as they limped over to him with a probably broken right hind leg. Their tail rested in every way that wasn’t normal.

“Oh baby… What happened?” Dew uttered in disbelief as he knelt down to assess their injuries. Throughout all of the pain, they still meowed happily and purred at Dew’s touch. Who could do such a thing? Before he got too lost in thought, his phone rang.

“Are you okay? Where are you?” Ifrit asked worriedly.

“Clover they’re...” Dew muffled his cries with his hand.

“Where are you?”

“Riverside… oh god,” Dew said and picked up Clover, bringing them to his blanket. After he set down the cat he looked at his hand, finding blood covering it. “Please hurry.”

“I’ll be there in 5, deep breaths.” Ifrit said before he hung up.

The longer Clover was away from a vet the less time they had to survive. It drove Dew mad. This was all his fault. He should have made Clover an inside cat. He should have protected them. But his ignorance led to them getting hurt. He couldn’t do anything right.

Dew poured some food into a collapsible bowl for Clover, which they happily ate from. They were so cheery even though it looked to be so painful. How?

Dew’s hands covered his face as he cried into them. All he did was ruin people and animals now. He should have never fed Clover. Never have given them a chance to get hurt.

A light touch to his back sent him spinning, almost punching Ifrit in the face.

“Woah Woah. Slow down there.” Ifrit said with his hands raised. “It’s just me.”

“Sorry sorry sorry,” Dew’s voice became quieter as he moved his hands to his lap, picking at his cuticles. His shoulders scrunched together as shame crept up his spine. Before he could get more of an apology out, Ifrit looked toward Clover.

“Shit. We have to get them to a vet… stat.” Ifrit said as he knelt next to Dew. Before he could process anything, Dew was helped to his feet. The blanket was wrapped around Clover in hopes of stopping the bleeding, and Ifrit handed them to Dew.

“I parked right over there.” He said as he pointed to the nearest parking spot which was still a good jog away. “Do you know where the closest vet is?”

Dew immediately shook his head, looking between the car and Ifrit.

“Do you think they'll make it?” Dew whispered with teary eyes. He glanced at Clover who rested their head on Dew’s arm. When they looked at Dew, their eyes screamed for help. He gently petted in between their ears, avoiding the scratches that littered their body.

Ifrit gently grabbed onto Dew’s elbow and guided him to the car. The situation sank deeper into Dew’s skin. They would make it. They had to.

He didn’t remember getting into the car, or the drive there. From the moment he arrived at the park all he could think of was finding Clover. They were in his arms, but not in the way he wanted. It all was foggy and he couldn’t quite clear the glass. If he tried to defrost it, it would only make things worse, but it wasn’t better if he ignored it.

“They are going to need to stay overnight.”

It’s

“We’ll run a couple tests to see how they respond.”

All

“We will try our best to get them in a stable condition.”

My

“We will call you with any updates.”

Fault

Ifrit parked the car outside of Dew’s house as he continued to stare out the window. Dissociation was an understatement. Nothing could ever label what was and wasn’t going on in his head.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Ifrit broke the silence.

Yes

“No… I’ll be fine.” Why?

“You sure?” Ifrit turned to him with his forehead creased in worry.

“I think I just need space.”

Don’t listen… Please stay.

“Okay… Call me if you need anything.” Doubtful.

“Thank you… Sorry to worry you.” Dew looked down at his hands, observing the wear and tear that they had been through.

“It’s okay Dew. I’m here for you.” Ifrit placed his hand on top of Dew’s thigh.

Then stay.

“Thank you.” Without more than a glance and light smile, Dew got out of the car and approached his front door. Only turning around once he opened the door and heard Ifrit’s car pulling away. They waved at each other, the last need for a mask. As soon as the door closed he collapsed to the floor. His hands felt the familiar cool touch of the stone floor. But once again, no relief.

His teeth dug into his bottom lip. While he knew he was home alone, he still suppressed the wretched cry that formed in his throat. Why did his mouth betray him? He knew deep down to ask for help, that Ifrit wouldn’t judge. And yet he still lied. He never learned.

He placed his face in his hands and his fingers slowly dug into his scalp as his body shuddered. As it’s been said, “you are your own worst enemy”, And he could not beat those allegations. At this point he embraced it.

Dew couldn’t sit there forever, back pressed against the front door. Rain would get home and he didn’t need another person worried. Maybe his room would give him peace and quiet.

As soon as he set foot in his room, it brought a depressing weight to his shoulders. He laid on the only clear part of his bed and pulled out his phone. There were multiple text messages, one from Phantom and one from Rain.

Phantom:
Hey Dewdrop, You okay?

Phantom:
I’m here if you need anything. <3

Why would he care? Dew had only been mean and rude toward Phantom. He didn’t respond, moving to the message from Rain.

Water Drop:
Bringing home food from the bar. Want ur usual?

The only message that he could form was a thumbs up. As soon as the message was sent he turned off his phone and set it on his chest, staring at the ceiling. His breathing slowed down as he observed each detail. The dust on the ceiling fan overflowed around the edges, threatening to fall off.

^{It’s all your fault}

He tried to tell himself otherwise, like Ifrit would do. But how could he when his thoughts sounded right. It was all his fault. Tears rewet his cheeks.

You deserve this.

Did he?

Why?

Why?! His inner voice laughed at him.

He was irresponsible with other people’s feelings, but did he need to scold himself for it? He turned onto his side. Maybe looking at the ceiling was a bad idea. He closed his eyes for a moment and focused on his breathing. In for 4 counts, hold for 4 and out for 6. The routine taught to him by his therapist many years ago always worked like a charm, but this time was harder. Either the air was thicker or his body wasn’t capable of holding any more oxygen. The only thing that would get him out of this state was a headbut from Clover…

That stung every fiber of his being. From his head to his feet and especially in his heart. He did this to Clover. He had to be held accountable for his actions. The familiar feeling of his bones resting uncomfortably returned.

No. He couldn’t. He promised Rain.

Dew sat up sharply. He needed help. It would be dramatic of him to ask, but he needed to. Who would he call?

He couldn’t call Rain, Swiss, or Ifrit, they would worry too much. Yes he needed someone, but he wasn’t that important. Phantom was a no-go and he barely knew Zephyr, so that left Omega and Aether.

Dew looked toward his dresser. As soon as his eyes landed on the grocery bag he bolted out of the room. All the calmness he had built was thrown out the window. His breathing was back to hyperventilating and all he could muster was sitting on the couch, hugging his knees.

He needed Aether. He would help, he always did, that's why they were together. Dew picked up his phone and called Aether, the anxiety set in as time went on. Wait, they weren't together any more. The line picked up causing Dew’s throat to close.

shitshitshit

“What's up Dew?” Aether asked groggily, he must have been sleeping. Guilt rested in Dew’s stomach and he couldn't outrun it. It made his vision blurry. Aether wouldn’t understand. He would scold Dew for being so childish. He hung up and tossed his phone to the loveseat.

His cover was blown, Aether knew something was up and would turn on him like Atlas did. That’s what everyone would do. The present and the past blurred together until there were only memories.

He had called Atlas to help. He needed help. Rain and Swiss were away for the weekend and he couldn’t handle being alone. Everything felt like too much and if he had one more thought he would break his clean streak. He clung onto his knees for dear life until he heard the knock on the front door. His body lunged off of the couch, opening the door to a disappointed Atlas. Dew’s heart dropped.

“What’s wrong this time?” Annoyed, as always. Dew looked to the ground, as embarrassment crept into his body.

“I just… uh. I didn’t want to be alone,” He said softly as he closed the door behind Atlas.

“Oh What?! Is baby scared?” Atlas said in a mocking tone as he laughed. Dew swallowed nervously as he felt tears creep into his eyes. This was a bad idea.

Maybe if he explained himself it would help Atlas understand.

“I-Um… Not necessarily… I just uh-”

“Spit it out,” Atlas stung, causing Dew to jump. “You know how I feel about stuttering.”

“Sorry, I’m just… Having a bad uh…” How did he describe this to someone who was mentally stable? He couldn’t just say that he was having a panic attack, it was more than that. But how should he describe it? Maybe a bad depression episode? Or anxiety attack?

“I don’t have all day Dewdrop.” Atlas’s patience grew thin.

“I’m having a panic attack.” He spat as his eyes clenched shut. He was used to the physical abuse, but it scared him not knowing when it would happen. It felt like time was frozen, his fate decided by his partner.

Atlas laughed under his breath and it slowly grew into a cackle. Why was he laughing? Dew slowly opened his eyes, releasing the tension from his shoulders.

“You called me all the way here…” His sentence was broken by laughter. “Because you’re a little scared?”

Atlas closed the distance between them, making Dew take a few steps back.

“Scared of what?” He whispered with a smirk.

“Being alone.” Dew blurted before covering his mouth. The tension bounced around like jello. He should be able to be open with his partner, but every part of him said to run.

Atlas laughed harder, almost falling over from the action. His laughter softened as he placed a hand on Dew’s shoulder. “Nobody likes being alone… Deal with it!”

“You-You don’t understand!”

“I don’t understand?!” Atlas took another step toward Dew forcing him to lose his footing and sit back onto the couch. “What don’t I understand?!”

“If I’m alone… I could, uh,” Dew gulped, scratching at the back of his neck lightly and whispered, “Hurt. Myself.”

He sounded dumb and he knew it. Atlas rumbled with laughter,taking a step away from Dew to catch his breath.

“Hurt yourself?!” Dew hoped there would be sympathy in his voice, but as Atlas continued he knew it was a big ask. “I’d like to see you try.”

“You don't need me, you just want attention.”

And just like that, he broke.

The cool feeling of the tub on his skin mixed well with the burn from the multiple cuts adorning his thighs. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he regained consciousness.

He broke his promise.

Everything felt like a haze, but he continued to sit and stare at the white tiles a few feet in front of him. After a few moments he could bandage himself up and go back to pretending everything was fine. He got what he deserved, punishment. The thought made his body shake. He set the blade on the edge of the bathtub and hugged himself. His body and mind were split. One said to add more while the other said to comfort. His fingernails dug into his knees as he chewed on his bottom lip.

He deserved another one. That’s the only way he learned. Before he could come to a decision the front door opened.

Fuck

“Hey, Dinner’s here!” Rain said as they knocked on Dew’s bedroom door. “Dew?”

“I’m uh… I’m in the bathroom.” He breathed lightly onto his knees. There was a fine line and he couldn’t cross it.

“Oh, hurry up so we can eat!” Rain said excitedly as they walked away, presumably toward the kitchen. “I’ll set your plate!”

Dew cursed under his breath, but continued the role.

“Yeah uh… let me shower really quick.”

Before there was time to question, Dew turned on the shower head. The cool water danced on his skin as it slowly grew warmer. It sent a shiver down his spine at first, but his body became used to it, accepting the pain that came as it grew warmer, starting to burn. In a sick way, he loved the feeling it left over the few cuts along his legs. He had grown so used to it while with Atlas that it felt like home. He cringed at the thought.

The water and his tears soaked his underwear and shirt, leaving them clinging to his body.

“Okay, just make it quick!” Rain yelled through the wall. Even though they were joking, and Dew knew they were, he felt a stab in his heart. It was unfair of him to break their promise and yet here he was, a walking display of unloyalty and shame. He sunk deeper into the tub. While he knew the drain was unplugged, he still wished for water to fill the tub. Maybe a higher power would take him out of his misery. God or Satan, he didn’t care. He tried to blink the tears away. Rain would be so disappointed in him, he couldn’t face them. His hand lifted to his mouth, covering the distressing cries that clawed their way up his throat.

After all the hell he had put Rain through, he needed to be better. He needed more correction. His free hand drifted to the used blade resting mere inches away. He tried to quiet his sobs but they became louder.

“Dew?” Rain asked, bringing their ear closer to the wall. “You okay?”

Their voice laced with worry. If it had a taste, Dew knew it would be vanilla. That made it worse. The urge to run into their arms grew strong, but he was chained by the need to cure himself. He swallowed harshly.

“I-I’m fine.” His voice cracked. Fuck.

--------------

“You don’t sound okay,” Rain said as they stood from the kitchen table. Dew was one to hide his feelings, so this didn’t surprise them. Yet it still made their heart sink at the thought of him going through this alone. Dew had been dealt many bad hands, he had every right to be upset. Rain walked around the corner and toward the bathroom door. Their ear rested upon the wood. Light sobs shone through the water hitting the plaster tub. Rain sighed.

“I’m coming in.”

Their hand rested on the door knob for a moment, giving Dew time to adjust if needed. When they went to twist the knob, nothing happened. Rain’s chest tightened.

“Dew?”

They placed their ear back onto the door.

Nothing.

“Dewdrop?” Panic rested in their voice.

The water barely covered the shuffles and light swearing.

“Can you open the door for me?”

A small whimper seeped from the door. They tried the door knob once, twice. So many times that they were surprised it didn’t fall off. They pushed their shoulder into the door, if only Swiss were home, he could have it down in seconds. Their lungs gasped for air as they ran through their mental emergency list. They tried to take down the door, but it didn't work. The second option was the spare key. Oh yeah, the spare key!

Adrenaline pumped through Rain’s veins as they ran to the kitchen. Where did they put it? It had been so long since it was needed, and they hoped they would never have to. But good intentions only get you so far. The only place they could think of was the junk drawer. It wasn’t the best spot, but it was a start. They dug around in it, pushing the spare papers and change around. Something that didn’t help was the multitude of spare keys in this drawer. Luckily the one he was looking for was labeled. Their hand moved around at the bottom of the drawer until they felt the familiar feeling of a plastic label. Rain quickly pulled it out, checking that it was the right key and running back to the bathroom door.

“I’m opening the door,” Rain announced as they slotted the key into the knob. Once it was open it revealed Dew scrunched on the toilet seat, holding a rolled up wad of Toilet paper to his arm. The wad slowly became less and less white, taken over by red.

“I cut too deep… Fuck!” Dew angrily whispered to himself before glancing over to the doorway and froze.

That’s way worse than Rain thought it was going to be. They quickly went to the cabinet under the sink, rummaging for the first aid kit.

-----------------

Dew was fucked. He was caught red handed… quite literally. Rain was upset, they would scold him for how much of a bad friend he was. The way they went through the cabinet screamed ‘angry’.

What they pulled out was a white plastic box, the first aid. Dew ducked his head, embarrassed, he knew Rain would chuck it at him, but stuck out his hand just in case. Maybe they would throw in some insults then leave.

But they lightly grabbed his arm, removing the wad of toilet paper and placing a gauze pad over the wound, putting light pressure on it.

“What are you doing?” Dew asked as he glanced over, confused.

“Helping,” Rain said as they began wrapping the gauze.

“Why?” Dew didn't deserve their help, yet here they were, knelt on the floor tending to the rest of his wounds. Rain looked up for a moment.

“Because I care about you. I couldn't leave you here,” their voice broke as they spoke.

“Well Atlas… Would-” Dew slowed down as it hit him. This was Rain, He never told them what he went through. He blew his cover.

“Atlas would…” Rain started then realized where the conversation was going. “Oh my god… Hunny.”

Before He could process anything, Rain wrapped their arms around Dew’s waist, hugging him from the floor. While they were still kneeling and couldn’t give a full hug, Dew felt comfort radiate from them.

“I could never… I’m so sorry.” They hugged tighter, as if Dew would run away.

“No, I-I should be sorry,” Dew said as his hand found its way to Rain’s hair. He missed playing with it late at night, when time was only a number.

“You have nothing to be sorry-”

“Yes, I do,” Dew's fists clenched as his eyes wandered to the still running shower. “I broke your promise…”

He trailed off. The kindness he received from Rain was unnecessary. He would never learn with rainbows and butterflies, he needed harshness. Tears trailed down his cheeks.

“I'm just happy I was here. I'm happy you're okay.”

“I'm so stupid,” Dew whispered as his bottom lip quivered.

“Hey… You're not stupid,” Rain said as they lightly grabbed Dew's cheek and nudged his face to look at theirs. “You deserve kindness.”

The corners of his mouth rose into a light smile to cover the pain. He knew that was the truth and yet every fiber of his being fought the solace Rain offered. Dew looked back to the shower, wishing he was still under the water pelting the tub. The sound blended with his thoughts until they were one.

Everything felt like a blur. They stayed in the bathroom for what felt like ages in silence. The noise from the shower took all the space, especially in Dew's brain. His thoughts torn between whether to believe himself or the person sitting in front of him.

“You want some tea?” Rain asked. When Dew looked down he realized they had been staring at him this whole time. The embarrassment that had left returned, making him cringe internally.

Dew nodded his head, trying to put back the facade that everything was okay. But Rain could see through it, especially after what they witnessed.

Rain stood and walked to the shower, turning it off. They offered their hand to Dew who looked between their hand and face, unsure of whether he should take it or not.

Everything in his body screamed to take the hand, but his brain yelled that he didn't deserve it. That he should suffer by himself. He knew that Rain wasn't going to hurt him and yet he still felt the urge to run. But he pushed through all of the overwhelming thoughts and placed his hand in Rain's.

Chapter Text

The kitchen was absolutely silent, the only sound to be heard was the clinking of a spoon against the rim of Dew’s mug. Rain had chosen one of Dew's favorite's, an all black mug shaped like a skull. The tea chosen was a lemon balm variation, something Dew always liked after a long day at work.

While he waited for it to steep, Rain put away the dinner they had brought home. They both knew that Dew wouldn’t be eating until later.

Dew moved the tea bag around the steaming water, watching as ripples formed on the surface. This was all his fault. Every part of him said to run to the comfort of his room, but he still sat there. His body betrayed his mind, but for good reason. It was the only way to get him to talk.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Rain asked, pulling Dew back into reality. His head snapped up, making eye contact with the other then back to the mug. It judged him less.

He did want to talk, he knew it would be for the best, yet he stayed silent. He lifted the mug to his lips, taking a small sip from it.

“If not, I understand.” Rain said.

They knew nothing about the situation so how could they help? If he continued to be silent then maybe they would leave him alone…

Did he want to be left alone?

It made his heart skip a beat. All he ever wanted was to be loved unconditionally, maybe they could help. They had helped a few years before, so why wouldn’t they now?

Dew’s mouth opened for a moment as his body shivered.

“I… I want to. But…” He trailed off, looking out the window over the sink into the black abyss that was the night.

“It’s alright. Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.” Rain said as their hand snuck its way over top of Dew’s, their thumb lightly traced circles into his skin.

Why were they so nice? Why did they care so much? The questions bounced around in his head until he remembered the way they treated him when he was kicked out, the way they comforted him. When did they become so distant? He looked back at Rain but before he could say anything there was a knock at the front door. It made Dew jump in his skin, but he went back to sipping his tea as Rain made their way to the door.

The one thing he didn’t want was for both Ifrit and Rain to worry. He thought he could handle himself, but found he couldn’t. So Rain helped him. That’s all the help he needed. He didn’t want another person here, but as soon as the door opened he realized if you scare one, chances are the second will appear soon after.

Without taking off his shoes, Ifrit walked over to Dew immediately, cupping his face like a worried older brother.

“Are you okay? What happened?!” Ifrit said as his anxious eyes scanned every inch of Dew. Happy to not see much changed, but scared to know the truth.

“Why are you-”

“Dew… Answer me.” Ifrit said as a tear trailed down his face. Out of all the times they had late night talks, Dew was unsure if he’d ever seen the other man cry. There had to at least be one time, but it was hard to recall. It made guilt creep into his body. He was responsible for stressing his best friends out. He was the one that made them cry.

“I-I’m fine.” In a way he hoped it would calm his mind, but nothing could settle the unrest building.

“You said you would call me, why didn’t you?” Ifrit’s voice was rough, trying to hold back the cries that begged to be let out. There was a small fire in his eyes. He had every right to be angry, and yet he still stood there gripping Dew’s face. Scared to blink.

“I could handle it.” Dew answered lightly, trying not to bring attention to the elephant in the room. He didn’t want to lie to them, and yet it was easier to cover the truth.

“Clearly not…” Ifrit said light heartedly, “When will you understand that we’re here to help… We want to help.” His fingers pressed harder into Dew’s cheeks and then they released his face and wrapped around his torso. It took Dew by surprise. It felt needed, but the voice still lingered in his head.

You don’t deserve this.

You betrayed them.

Traitor.

“Please, let us help,” Rain said, drawing Dew’s brain back to the present. They knelt next to Dew as Ifrit pulled away from the hug. The way they stared at him with such understanding made him want to shrivel out of existence. They were too caring. Both of them held a hand. He could feel the fear that if they let go he would be gone forever.

“I’ll be fine,” Dew reassured as he looked between the two. His mouth formed a light smile, maybe this time he could convince them. Ifrit and Rain exchanged a glance before they stood and took their seats at the table. The silence continued as Dew sipped his tea.

All Rain could feel was uncertainty and they could sense that Ifrit felt the same. It drove them insane, but all they could do was beat around the bush and hope it made sense.

“How long has it been?” Ifrit asked softly, scared to find the answer, but needing to hear it.

“Uh… well,” Dew paused for a moment, startled. The air grew thick as the question loomed over the room. Rain was scared that he would just come up with an excuse, or completely avoid the question. It was a frequent thing to happen since Atlas. Dew looked down at his mug.

“Since Aether left.” His face was blank as he stared at the tea.

Rain raked their hands through their hair and whispered softly in hopes of the comment sneaking past Dew.

“How did I not know?”

Ever since Ifrit told Rain that Aether and Dew broke up they had kept a close eye on him. They did notice that Dew wore hoodies more often even if it was mid summer, but they thought it was just a comfort thing. And when they had their moment a few weeks ago they saw the scars but didn't think it was that recent.

“It’s not-”

“Why didn’t you come to us?” Ifrit’s eyebrows pressed together with worry. He wanted to help but didn’t want to trigger Dew. Was it unfair to dig into something that he was never told? If he really wanted to share he would have already, but maybe he needed someone to reach out first. Ifrit watched Dew’s face contort as his thoughts consumed his brain.

“Because I was too much for Aether.” As soon as it left his mouth it snapped shut. Ifrit had never seen Dew so cautious. It felt as though everyone was walking on eggshells.

“I didn't want to scare you off too.” It slipped.

Ifrit’s heart melted at the thought. Why would Dew ever think they would run off? But then he remembered Atlas. While he didn’t know fully what happened, he knew it left Dew in a bad spot once they had broken up.

“We could never leave you like that,” Rain said as their face softened. They once again reached for Dew’s hand. Silence fell over the room. Dew’s eyes shifted to so many different places. He tried to keep a level head, but everything in him screamed to run. He crumpled in on himself as tears crept out of his eyes. He could feel the stares of his friends burn into his skin, but he continued to sit there. Maybe then they would finally be done with him.

“I’m going to tell Omega that you’re not coming in tomorrow,” Ifrit said as he pulled out his phone. Dew’s head rose quickly, panic replacing the fear.

“No! No. I can go.” He quickly said, “I can handle-”

“You deserve rest. You need a break.” Ifrit continued as he typed out the message. Never in Dew’s life did anyone do something like this. Ensuring that he got the time that he needed to grieve and to take care of himself. On one hand it made his anxiety spike, but on the other it made him feel warm and tingly.

“But, But…” Dew’s voice lowered, “I don’t need another person to worry. I’ll be fine.” The slower he spoke, the more he realized how much help he needed. He knew it wasn’t worth fighting, but his intrusive thoughts forced him to try.

“Please,” Rain said softly as they wiped a few tears from Dew’s cheeks. “Take care of yourself.”

So that’s what he promised. To take a day for himself, try to relax. Rain offered to sit down with him in the morning to help find a therapist, and he accepted it. It was a step he knew he needed for quite some time, that rested on the back burner until that moment.

Originally Ifrit wasn’t going to call out of work, but the longer he stayed the more he realized Dew needed him. He texted Omega profusely apologizing, but knowing that it was the right decision.

When Dew finished his tea Rain offered to heat up his food but he denied them. He knew it wouldn’t stay in his system and would probably be best to try in the morning.

Ifrit borrowed some of Rain’s pajamas and blankets, getting comfortable on the couch. They both reassured Dew that if he needed anything they would be there for him. The amount of support he had received from the two of them was enough to last him a lifetime, and he couldn’t help but feel grateful. They constantly reassured him that he deserved love and kindness.

But when he curled up under his blanket, his head resting softly on his pillow, he tossed and turned. As much as his body felt comfortable his brain was stuck on his thoughts like glue. He breathed deeply, slowing his world down.

I

Am worthy

Of love.

Chapter Text

The white room surrounded Dew until there was nothing left. The vet called him earlier with good news, Clover was fine. They had to amputate their tail and their right hind leg was in a cast. They said that Clover could be picked up and then the total would be given. In some other news they found out that Clover was a guy. It didn’t necessarily surprise Dew, but he was happy to know his gender.

The vet ran through some things like how to administer the pain meds and what Clover should avoid. She also brought up how they caught him up on his shots. Dew watched as Clover laid in his carrier, curled into a ball. He slowly lifted his head, glancing toward Dew then resting his head again. Everything became hazy.

This was all Dew’s fault

He couldn’t escape his thoughts, as much as he tried.

Ifrit squeezed his hand, pulling him back into reality.

“Any questions?” The vet asked from across the table. She fidgeted with her clipboard as her eyes softened. Dew shook his head, opening his mouth but closing it immediately.

“Nope.” Ifrit said as he stood. “Thank you for all your help.”

Dew abruptly stood after his friend, Slowly making his way to the carrier that held his baby. His hand rested on the mesh, gently petting Clover’s head. A light purr vibrated into his hand, leaving a small smile on his face.

When they got into the car, Clover rested on Dew’s lap. It was silent, with only the radio playing lightly and the hum of the car to fill the space.

Everything is going to be okay

The thought left a weird taste in his mouth. Almost as if he ate a biscuit without anything to drink. He knew deep down that it was correct but couldn’t help but feel undeserving. He pet Clover through the carrier once again. They did a good job of keeping him away from negative thoughts, so maybe it was for the best that he wasn’t an outdoor cat anymore.

The drive went smoothly, eventually coming to a stop outside of Dew’s house. He lived here and yet it felt like his first time. Anxiety creeped into his chest and up his throat, drying out his mouth.

“You ready?” Ifrit asked as he unbuckled his seat belt and turned the car off. All Dew did was nod, it’s all his body would let him do.

When they stepped out of the car and headed toward the front door Dew couldn't help but notice Phantom pacing on the porch with a grocery bag in hand. What was he doing here? Before he could say anything, Phantom turned and jumped when seeing the pair.

“Oh! Uh… Hi Dewdrop…”

“What are you doing here?” Ifrit friendly wrapped his arm around Phantom and pulled him into a side hug. How did he get Dew's address? He was certain that he didn't share that information with Phantom, yet here he was nervously standing outside of his house.

“I wanted to drop off a few things for Clover…” He paused for a moment and then fearfully added, “If that's okay!”

His hands fidgeted with the plastic bag as he looked toward the floor. It made Dew's heart skip a beat, but he shook it off. Did he really care this much about some cat he had never met? Actually, how did he find out about Clover? His eyebrows pressed in confusion.

“Any contribution is welcome!” Ifrit said as he reached out to accept the bag of goodies. Phantom looked up, surprised at the response. They traded the bag with no communication to Dew, even though it was his cat. Ifrit glanced back with a smile. What got him so happy?

“Well, uh. Thanks, I guess.” Dew was monotone, it was best to not show his cards. But he didn’t even know what his cards were. Part of him wanted to respond hastily with anger, but another would have felt bad. Why did he care about some stupid guy’s feelings!? When they made eye contact, Dew’s heartbeat picked up and his face became heated. Why was his body responding this way, he was supposed to hate Phantom as much as the other hated him.

They awkwardly stared at each other as Ifrit looked between them. Everything seemed to move slower. Their eyes locked and there was nothing that could break it. It left a warm feeling in their chests but they both knew it was a lie. A facade that would only hurt them more in the end.

Phantom broke the spell, looking toward the ground.

“I uh… I guess I should go.” He mumbled.

“Yea…” Dew said as he glanced at Ifrit who looked confused and defeated. When they made eye contact, Ifrit mouthed ‘Invite him in!’. It made Dew almost jump back in denial, what was he talking about? Before he could say anything, and Phantom could leave, the front door swung open.

“OH! You must be Phantom! I’ve heard so much about you!” Rain said ecstatically. They stepped onto the porch and pulled Phantom in for a hug. It was long which made Dew even more confused and when he looked back at Ifrit it didn’t help. He had an accomplished look on his face with a smile. What was going on?!

“Please, come in!”

What!?

“Oh, Dew and Ifrit, you’re back early!”

Before he knew it, they were in the house. Clover was let into Dew’s room where he could rest. Rain had cleaned it up while they were gone and Dew couldn’t be happier about it. The grocery bag that used to rest on his dresser was gone for good, lifting a weight off of his shoulders.

Ifrit and Rain had stepped into the kitchen to order pizza, which left Dew on the big couch and Phantom on the love seat. They both stared at the blank TV, no words said. Occasionally they would glance at each other but it was short and without the other knowing.

Dew stood quickly, startling Phantom. They both froze. If you don’t move then it can’t see you. But unfortunately that doesn’t work in the social world. Dew cleared his throat.

“I'm gonna check on them.” He stated plainly before speed walking around the corner. Unexpectedly he bumped into Ifrit who had just hung up the phone.

“What's going on Dewy?” Ifrit said as he placed a hand on Dew's shoulder.

“I should be asking you that!” Dew pulled Ifrit’s hand off his shoulder and deeper into the kitchen. The conversation was important but if Phantom heard it, it would end him.

“Why the hell is he here?! What are you planning?” Dew kept his voice at a whisper, but that couldn’t calm the flames that were building inside of him.

“Woah Woah! Chill out!” Ifrit over exaggerated as he pulled Dew into a side hug. “I have no idea what you're talking about!” He laughed nervously, he kept up the facade well, but Dew could tell from a mile away when Ifrit lied.

“Come on, let’s watch a movie!” He nudged Dew closer to the living room, but he stood his ground.

“Answer my question!” His words cut through the lie forming in Ifrit’s mouth until it wasn’t even a thought. The latter looked to the floor, defeated.

“Fineeeee… I thought you would enjoy the company!” Ifrit said light heartedly and thought for a moment. His face softened as he continued. “And since I had to leave work early yesterday, he wouldn’t leave me alone.”

“He was worried?! About me?” At first Dew found it laughable but as it rested on his conscious he felt his heart skip a beat. Confusion spread throughout him. It had to be an act. Phantom couldn’t possibly care or want anything to do with Dew, he should be mad at him. His eyebrows furrowed as he made eye contact with Ifrit. His gaze wrapped Dew in a warm blanket of comfort, he deserved friends. He deserved to be happy. But what if he hurt Dew like the others did?

Ifrit squeezed Dew’s hand causing his thoughts to soften.

“It’ll be okay.” Ifrit smiled lightly. While every part of Dew wanted to fight that statement, he knew it was the truth. It calmed the unrest building in his body until it was just waves.

They walked into the living room and took their seats, Dew in the center of the couch with Ifrit to the right of him.

“Who’s ready for a movie?!” Ifrit asked as he picked up the remote and began to browse through the options.

“Don’t start it without me!” Rain said as they walked down the hall in their pink Kuromi pajamas and cropped shirt. They stood by the loveseat as they assessed the seating. Dew knew from the way they stood, it was trouble. One hand on their hip while the other tapped their chin in thought.

“Hmmm… Phantom, would you be okay if I sat on the loveseat?” Rain asked with a soft tone.

“Oh, yea!” Phantom scooted to one side of the couch to make room for the other. Rain laughed under their breath endearingly.

“I meant, would it be okay if I took the whole couch, there’s a spot next to Dew you could sit at.” Rain glanced toward the spot and then made eye contact with Dew. They winked before turning their attention back to Phantom.

What was that supposed to mean?!

Dew glanced at Ifrit who looked just as confused as the former. But before they could say anything, Phantom stood and sat down next to Dew. He pressed against the arm rest, putting as much space between them as he could.

Rain sat down as Ifrit pressed play on the movie. For most of it Phantom kept his distance. The air started thick, but as time went on it thinned out, allowing Dew and Phantom to relax.

Halfway through the movie the pizza arrived and they all ate it happily. Phantom scooted away from his corner and rested more comfortably. Dew would glance every once and while, watching as he slipped in and out of sleep. The warm feeling in Dew’s chest returned. Ifrit was right, Phantom was cute. He shook off the feeling and went back to watching the movie.

Everything in him said that he didn’t deserve friends, but if what Ifrit said was true then maybe he should give it a shot. The more thought he put into it the more insane it seemed that someone outside of his friend group would care about his well being. Especially enough to check on him and buy things for his cat. He smiled at the thought.

Slowly Phantom slid from his upright position closer to Dew until his head rested on top of his shoulder. Dew jumped and woke up Phantom, both of them freezing like deer in headlights.

“Sorry!” Phantom responded quickly as he sat up. His fingers picked at his skin as he settled back into his spot. Dew smiled but continued to watch the movie as if nothing happened.

But every minute that passed Phantom’s eyes grew heavier and soon he was back in the same position, his head on Dew’s shoulder. There was no complaint or squirm out of Dew this time. He let it happen and found it to be more comfortable than expected. It reminded him of movie nights with Aether. Dew took a deep breath, pushing the thoughts down for another time.

He slowly shifted to look at Phantom. His hair was messily strewn across his forehead, just barely showing off the scar over his left eyebrow. The deeper he fell into sleep, the more relaxed his face became. Dew’s breathing slowed but his heartbeat grew quicker with every second.

He looked away quickly, he was in too deep. The more he thought about it the worse it would get. Like weeds, he had to cut out the threats before it got dangerous. But how could an adorable man like Phantom hurt him? He looked back at the sleepy man. His mouth was slightly open and drool dripped onto his hand. Dew smirked. Phantom couldn’t even hurt a fly. Maybe it was about time he let someone in.

They watched one more movie and Dew let Phantom sleep on him for the whole thing. It was hard for him to even focus on the movie for the beginning hour. He would look up but hear a noise come from next to him. He wondered how it was even comfortable. Eventually Phantom’s head slid down into Dew’s lap. There was an urge to run his fingers through the black hair sprawled across his lap. Dew resisted it, but it felt more awkward than it should have. And when the movie ended he felt a stir in his lap. Phantom sat up while rubbing his eyes and yawning.

“What happened?” He said while he stretched his arms into the air. Dew smiled at him.

“Nothing other than you missing the whole movie, and then some,” Dew said as Phantom turned toward him.

“Seriously!?” Phantom said frustratingly, “I tried so hard!” He sighed as his shoulders slumped.

“It’s okay, there will be another time,” Ifrit reassured. Dew looked between the two then toward the love seat. Rain was turned onto their side, head resting on the arm rest, asleep.

“At least you weren’t the only one,” Dew laughed and when they both saw Rain, they joined. They were so loud that it woke the sleeping beauty.

“What-are-you laughing at?” Rain’s words slurred together, but as they woke up it became more clear. Ifrit and Dew looked at eachother, making a silent pact.

“Nothing!” They said together and muffled their giggles. Rain sighed as they sat up and rolled their eyes.

“Whatever,” Rain shook their head with a smile. They all laughed for a moment until Phantom looked at his phone.

“Shit! I should get going!” He stood quickly and walked to the front door, starting to put on his shoes. Dew followed him, but lingered a few feet away.

“Thank you guys for having me over,” Phantom said while looking at everyone individually until he landed on Dew.

“Have a good night Dewdrop,” Phantom said as he opened the door, the sound of crickets engulfed the room. He looked back toward Dew and in that moment everything became clear. The street light almost formed a halo around Phantom’s head. It felt as though there were only two people in this universe, and Dew was okay with that.

Someone cleared their throat, causing time to continue as normal, but the eye contact continued.

“Dew…” he said lightly. It even took him a second to recognise that it came from his own mouth. Phantom’s eyebrows raised in surprise.

“My friends call me Dew.”

Chapter Text

Just like any other day, Dew went into work for the morning shift, with Phantom showing up 30 minutes early, mainly to chat with Dew… Actually only to chat with Dew. They would talk about many things, like Clover, the latest My Singing Monsters updates and bands they listened to. Then Ifrit showed up with drinks for the three of them. Black coffee for Dew, tea of some kind for Phantom, and a sweet latte for Ifrit. Then the two of them would clock in for the day. It was always smooth and would put a genuine smile onto Dew’s face, which hadn’t happened since Aether walked in that door a few years ago. But the smile was bigger this time.

“You ready for the day?” Ifrit asked Phantom as he started to pull out a box of vinyl. It was a white plastic box that had stickers plastered all over it. Different band and company stickers, either gifts or ones that were sold at the store.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Phantom sighed from the other side of the counter. He would normally stand there and talk for an hour or until Omega came out of his office to check on everyone. While he enjoyed his job, he liked being social way more. 

Dew pulled out more CD’s to price, scanning one and then placing it in its corresponding box. When he looked up he locked eyes with Phantom, who was watching him attentively. Both of their cheeks heated up as they looked away from each other.

Ever since Rain invited Phantom in and Dew accepted a new friend into his life, things had changed for the better. He felt like he could breathe. Him and Phantom would joke around a lot, playfully punching each other as they worked. Dew would occasionally venture toward wherever Phantom was, pretending to be looking for something similar just to chat. But they were just friends, and that’s all they needed.

Sometimes Dew would throw a compliment at Phantom, and vice versa. But neither of them knew how to take compliments so it would end in silence and thick air. 

Before Phantom could say anything Zephyr walked over.

“Hey guys! How is everyone doing?” He asked as he leaned on the desk.

“Good! How about you?” Ifrit asked as he took a break from pricing vinyl.

“I’m doing pretty good actually!” Zephyr looked toward Dew, nodded and then turned to Phantom. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

Phantom nodded, “It’s probably about time I get to my job.” He laughed lightly and scratched the back of his head. 

“Well uh… have fun over there,” Dew said as he gave Phantom a smile. And just like that, they walked away.

Dew sighed as he sat back in his chair and ran his fingers through his long blond hair. 

“Seems like things are going well,” Ifrit said with a smirk on his face. Dew glared at him. 

“We’re just friends,” Dew went back to pricing CD’s, sitting upright in his chair.

“C’mon, everyone can see how you look at each other.” Ifrit laughed, but continued his work as well.

Silence filled the air for a moment. Were they seriously flirting this whole time? Yea Dew probably had feelings for him, but he thought he was hiding it well… apparently not. When he looked toward the pair Phantom looked emotional, some news had been broken and Dew couldn’t quite tell if it was good or not. Zephyr placed a hand on Phantom’s shoulder as comfort.

“Yeah right, he’s probably taken anyway.” Dew said as he leaned back into the chair further and covered his face.

“What makes you say that!?” Ifrit said as he turned to Dew. 

“Look at the way they talk!” Dew pointed nondescriptly at the pair as Zephyr pulled Phantom in for a hug. A normal hug would’ve been around 2 seconds, but this one was long, potentially around 10-30 seconds. And the longer it went on, the more nervous it made Dew.

“They have to be together,” He sighed and placed his head in his hands. Ifrit stood and placed a hand on Dew’s back, moving it in circles.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Ifrit spoke softly.

The universe must have taken that as a challenge because Dew and Phantom didn’t even speak for the rest of day, other than simple hi’s or have a good day when Dew left. Did he do something wrong? 

It rustled around in his brain on his way home and even when he tried to go to sleep. Clover curled up on his stomach and purred which melted away the worry, but it didn’t go away for forever.

The next day everything went as normal, Dew showed up for his morning shift and started out confident in everything being fine. Phantom did show up early but he immediately went to see Zephyr, only saying hi to Dew for a quick moment. And when Ifrit showed up with their normal drinks Phantom grabbed his and chatted for a little bit before starting his work. 

Dew and Ifrit exchanged a glance of worry but he brushed it to the side. Phantom probably just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or was having a rough morning. He would be back to normal the next day, right?

He would think that for the next week, but nothing seemed to get better. Slowly Phantom started showing up later than usual until he would walk in on time for his shift and grab his tea. He would greet Dew and Ifrit, have a little chat, but it was always surface level. 

It put a little less sunshine into Dew’s day and kept him wondering why. Did he say something that upset the other? He could have sworn everything was going perfectly fine, but Phantom acted otherwise. Maybe he and Zephyr really were dating. Normally something like this wouldn’t bother Dew, so why did he care? 

He didn’t deserve new friends.

"Are you sure about that?"

Dew stopped in his tracks, but tried to continue as if nothing happened.

"I know that." Certainty rested in his voice as his eyes traced the coffee table that rested a few feet in front of him. It was a light gray with a multitude of toys and colored pencils in storage containers. There was a tiny black box that faced away from him. He looked up, catching eye contact with the brunette across the room as she sighed.

"Well, I don't believe that statement." Her eyes softened. "Everyone deserves to feel loved... You included."

Dew scoffed at the sentiment, but a feeling of hope rested deep in the pit of his stomach. Before they could dig any deeper she glanced at the black box.

"I want you to try being kinder to yourself this week." She stood, cueing him to join. "Sometimes we all need gentle reminders." 

"Thank you," Dew said under his breath.

"Same time next week?"

All he could muster was a simple nod.

As much as he wished it solved all his problems, it didn't. Sleep was a bank that Dew was in debt to, and there was no telling when he would pay it off. He was thankful for Ifrit every morning, but as soon as Phantom entered the building there was a haze no one knew how to explain.

He would have been fine if he didn’t see Phantom everyday looking the same as he did. It couldn’t have been voluntary, and yet he still left the room whenever Dew entered. Or barely addressed him in the mornings. Was he that unpleasant to be around? By this point Ifrit might have agreed. Every time he had asked Dew to hang out after work ended the same. 

"Not tonight," He would sigh as his eyes looked into the distance at nothing specific. 

There were so many signs to leave Phantom alone, and yet he still expected it to go back to normal. Why didn’t he just give up like all the other times? It would be simpler.

But, Dew continued to brush away his thoughts and put on his mask. So much that every time he came home the sighs became deeper and the slouch in his shoulders more apparent. He would slide off his shoes and sit on the couch to decompress, only a blank stare present.

“You need to let go of control.”

“Dew?”

The grey coffee table came into focus. The same items as before, but a newly added mini Zen garden rested closest to him. Someone had made multiple arcs in the sand with the tiny rake, almost forming a rainbow.

“You with me?”

Dew blinked rapidly before glancing toward the voice. 

“Yea… sorry.”

She sighed as she glanced back at her notebook which held all of her thoughts and concerns. Dew would take up a solid 3 pages each session. He had no idea if that was normal or not, but his brain always twisted it against him. Normal people only take up one.

“All I’m saying is,” She paused to rest her chin on her hand and raise her eyebrows deliberately, “We don’t know what Phantom is going through. But, trust he’ll come to you when he’s ready.”

“But what if he never does! What if he actually hates me? What if he thinks I’m dumb, or stupid, or-”

Her eyes stabbed like the blades he had put down months ago. But her lips parted softly and her voice reassured more than those pieces of metal ever could.

“It's okay to let go.”

Chapter Text

How does letting go even work? When His therapist talked about it, it seemed so easy. 

“Just do things for yourself,” She told him. But he didn’t even know where to start! He could play video games or watch movies, but they never occupied his brain enough. He would eventually wander until all he thought about was Phantom. It didn’t help that it was a Saturday, and the house was empty. He couldn’t possibly occupy his brain for a full day alone. He needed to get out, go drinking. Have fun. That was always the best way to get his mind off of everything.

The slide of his glass against the wooden countertop brought a sense of comfort that he couldn’t explain. The whiskey was just as smooth as he remembered and the sports were just as dumb. He sighed as he leaned back in his chair. This was exactly what he needed. He pulled out his phone, turning on silent mode then setting it on the bar top. No distractions tonight.

As soon as he emptied his glass another one would replace it and it continued as his vision became more hazed. He would laugh at the game playing even though he barely knew a thing about Soccer. While others saw him as insane, all he could do was laugh at their thoughts. For once it was easy to be in the moment. He could have fun without Phantom, or even thinking about him. He took a long sip of his whiskey as his face flattened. But before he could assess his thoughts a hand was placed on his shoulder lightly. And as it rested it slowly clamped tighter.

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing here?” Hostility weaved through his words that sent a spark down Dew’s spine. His body froze. As much as he begged for it to move, there was no avoiding the present. He cleared his throat but his vocal chords stayed silent.

“Never thought I would see your face around here again,” He said as his hand made its way to Dew’s chin. At first gentle and soft, but the poison soaked into Dew’s skin as his head fought the pull to the left revealing the devil himself.

Atlas’s head tilted as he clicked his tongue in disapproval.

“Guess you didn’t learn your lesson, Dewdrop.”

With alcohol running through his veins he thought maybe it would give him more confidence. But all he could do was watch as Atlas took the empty seat next to him.

“I hope I’m not intruding on anything special tonight… Would be a real shame.”

“L-”

“Shhhh” Atlas pressed a finger to Dew’s mouth.

The only thing his brain could process was the uncomfortable touch of the man that ruined his life. He pushed down the bile in his throat and bit Atlas’s finger.

“You bitch!” He whispered harshly as pulled his hand away, shaking the pain off. “I should slap you for that.” 

He raised his hand in a moment of anger, but slowly lowered it as he glanced around the bar. His eyes wandered until they landed on the glass sitting in front of Dew. Before he could protest, it danced into Atlas’s palm and was emptied in a matter of seconds. He let out a refreshing breath.

“Let’s go somewhere more… private ” 

Before the words even made their way to Dew’s ears, his wrist was secured in Atlas’s grasp and he was tugged away from the safety of his seat. His heels attempted to dig into the ground but the room wouldn’t stop spinning until Atlas halted. His poisonous grasp returned to Dew’s chin.

“Stop fighting your fate,” It was a mere whisper and yet he heard it in 4k. It bounced around his brain as pain spread throughout his head.

The tug of his hair was something he was used to, but this was completely different. It left his scalp burning. He grasped at the hands that continuously brought him pain but they wouldn’t stop. The scream that begged to be let out stuck in his chest as his back struck the tile wall of the bathroom. 

“You thought you could escape me, huh?” 

It felt like a minute passed for each step that Atlas took. Dew shook his head furiously as he attempted to press further into the walll.

“You’re going to pay for what happened.”

He would not be walking away without bruises, and he knew that, but the longer Atlas’s spiel went on the more it made Dew think he wouldn’t be walking out at all. He had unintentionally built up his pain tolerance, but this was a new level. His eyes pinched shut. 

The headlines would be simple, ‘Stupid 23 year old put himself in a situation to be killed.’. Rain, Swiss, and Ifrit would be the only ones who cared enough to show up to his funeral. Everyone else would laugh and talk about how dumb he was for believing he was safe.

His footsteps grew closer, promising the pain he thought he had escaped, until the door swung open. 

“What the hell!?”

“Step the Fuck away!” Before much time passed there was a slam into the wall. Dew’s eyes opened slowly but were pleased to find Atlas pressed against said wall by none other than Swiss. Rain rushed to Dew’s side. Their hands cupped his face immediately.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

Dew’s body may as well have become a puddle. He shook his head softly.

“Thank fucking Satan.”

His face was dropped in favor of his body being squeezed as tightly as physically possible.

“Why the hell didn’t you do anything?!” Rain yelled at the bartender.

She shrunk as their voice got louder. “ I didn’t think it was that serious… ”

“DIDN’T THINK IT WAS THAT SERIOUS?!” They sighed with frustration as they rubbed their forehead. “What about this screams not serious!?”

“He could have FUCKING DIED!”

Shocked was an understatement. Even the cops who escorted Atlas out the door gave Rain some worried glances. Dew shrunk in his seat next to Swiss.

“Remind me to never get on Rain’s bad side.” Swiss said softly, earning a chuckle out of Dew. “Have they always been like this?”

All he could do was shrug. He had seen Rain angry before, but never to this extent. Granted, he had never been in a life threatening situation like this before. His grip on the blanket wrapped around his shoulders tightened as he cleared his throat.

“H-How did. you guys…” Dew knew exactly what he wanted to ask, but his mouth was too dry to form any sentences. Swiss looked over, his eyebrows pressed with understanding.

“Well uh. Since you hadn’t texted in a while…” Swiss looked back toward Rain as they berated the Bartender even more. “Rain got really worried. They had called multiple times and when they got no response resorted to checking local bars.”

Rain’s fist slammed against the countertop, “I demand to speak to your manager!”

Swiss smiled lightly before continuing. “We’re just lucky this was the second place we checked.”

“How are you feeling?”

Dew glanced toward Renee. 

“Fine… I guess.” 

She looked at him with her normal ‘I don’t believe you’ look. 

“I got attacked by my Ex… It hurt. He’s now on trial for breaking his restraining order. What more do you want me to say?” 

“You know you don’t have to lie to me.” She clicked her pen and began to write in her notebook. “It’s okay to not be okay.”

Dew knew that, and yet he still refused to state his true feelings, even to himself. He looked out the window. That should have been proof that he needed this, and yet his brain still fought him on opening up. 

“Well it’s not like anyone cares anyways.”

When he met Renee’s gaze, there was a concerned tilt of her head. She sighed as she glanced back down to her notepad.

“Whether you believe it or not, people care about you.” 

“Why else would Rain still be here?” Every time their eyes met it felt like daggers were stabbed into his chest, so they drifted.

“To keep blood off of their hands.” Dew mumbled as his eyes traced the ceiling.

“There it is.”

“Huh?” His eyes fell back onto hers.

“Distorted thinking.”

His eyes fell as he picked at his cuticles.

“I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking.” Dew mumbled.

“But are you?” Renee clicked her pen closed and set it on top of her notebook. “Or are you saying what you want to believe?”

Chapter Text

Every wall of the backroom was covered by shelves that housed most of their back stock. Vinyl, Cd’s, you name it, it was back there. It was accompanied with two tables, one used for breaks and the other used for intake of their stock. There were no windows, but the pitter patter of rain could be heard against the metal roof. 

Dew sat in the swivel chair at the break table, he spun around as music blasted in his earbuds. Every time he accelerated the spin he became more bored. Yes, the point of this time was to do nothing, but normally that was accommodated with the scenery of the nearby park. A thunderclap rang throughout the building which led into a deep sigh. Before he could contemplate longer, The door that led to the sales floor opened and revealed the one person he didn’t want.

Phantom took the foldable metal chair across the table. Dew wished that he could say there was a hi at least, but the rain continued to fill the void. Pretending Phantom wasn’t there would have been easy 3 months ago, but his eyes kept darting back. At least he had his earbuds to save him from the awkwardness of a conversation.

A beep rang past his music until there was only silence. The universe really hated him. He took out his earbuds slowly in hopes of sneaking past wandering eyes. The void still existed. His only distraction rested in the palm of his hands, but something new joined the air. It rested on his shoulders like a thick blanket, but it wasn’t his.

“I uh…” Phantom cleared his throat, “I heard about what happened.”

Dew’s eyes lifted slowly.

“I’m here, if you ever need anything.”

He blinked twice as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Uhh… Thanks, I guess.”

He went back to his phone, the only thing that calmed the discomfort that rose in his gut. But the words gnawed at his brain. This had to be a trick, that was the only explanation. 

Since when did he care?

“Don’t lie to me.” He said through his teeth. 

“What?”

“You can drop the act… Let me guess, Ifrit put you up to this?” Dew rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair. His gaze stayed trained on his phone.

“Why would-”

“Just leave me alone.”  Dew stood abruptly and walked through the door. Only when it clicked shut with a thud did he process the words that left his mouth.

Fuck.

All the progress was thrown out the window. He could have chased after it, maybe caught it before it was too long gone. But Dew had a feeling there was no changing what had already been done.

When he and Rain sat down for dinner, the silence infected the house. While it wasn’t out of the ordinary, something felt off. It could have been the way his shoulders slouched or the occasional tapping of his foot, but he would never know what gave him away.

“How did work go?” Rain asked through a diminishing mouthful of spaghetti. 

“Fine,” Dew muttered. His hands turned to fists, accentuating his veins. The more he stared at them, the more they raised above his skin. On one hand he should be angry with himself. But the fire in his chest burned from Phantom. 

Was that fair?

“Deep breaths.” Their voice snapped him into reality, feeling the sharp pressure of his nails against his palms. He loosened for a moment and allowed cool air to flood his lungs. In for 4, hold for 4, out for 6. Repeat.

“Better?”

He nodded slightly as his jaw loosened. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Just as the tension left, it returned. “It’s just… Ugh .”  he sighed in frustration.

For a second he recalled Phantom’s worried face as the door slammed. A chill ran down his spine.

“How dare he!” he chewed on his lip.

“I know he hates me, so why does he pretend to care?” Dew stood abruptly and paced behind his chair. His hands ran through his hair, aggressively tugging at the knots that always seemed to be there. 

“The fucking audacity!” he stormed out of the kitchen. For once he didn’t head toward his room, instead he opted for the closest cushion, the couch. His elbows rested on his knees as his thumbs picked aggressively at each other. There was no care for how rough they slid across each other. If his nails weren’t trimmed there would have been a mess he wasn’t willing to clean. 

Before much time passed, quiet footsteps rounded the corner and didn’t stop until there was a sink in the couch. Dew rested his head on Rain’s shoulder. It came with an ease that was long forgotten.

“Why are men so… difficult?” he huffed. Rain wrapped an arm around his shoulder and squeezed tightly… and that’s all he needed.

Omega  barely took vacations, it was hard when he was the only person running the store. But once every summer there would be one weekend where Ifrit took over to give the boss a break. This also meant that Dew had to stay later than usual. A blessing and a curse.

If there wasn’t so much going on in his head constantly, Dew would be excited about this time with his best friend. But with the current situation, all he could focus on was avoiding Phantom. Which luckily wasn’t hard. He stayed in his back room all day, having Zephyr find all the things that needed to be shipped. The perfect environment to slack off in, and yet Dew’s eyes couldn’t leave the door frame. Whether it was anger or concern, he couldn’t tell.

Every time Ifrit attempted a conversation it would end flat. It’s not that Dew didn’t want to talk with his best friend, quite the opposite. A good chat might have distracted him enough to wipe the fire from his chest. But his brain couldn’t hold focus on anything but the door frame and pricing CD’s. All until Dew’s eyes followed Phantom as he rounded the corner and looked toward the desk. 

“I’m going on my break Ifrit,” He said with a small smile and continued on his mission. No recognition of Dew whatsoever.

As soon as the door to the back room closed Dew sighed frustratingly. Of course. He rolled his eyes and looked back at his screen. 

“ Such a loser. ” Dew whispered.

“That’s it!” Ifrit stood suddenly, making Dew jump in his seat. “I’m done with this shit!”

He continued scanning CD’s with annoyance laced in his movement.

“What else do you want me to do?! He fucking hates me!”

“That’s bull and you know it.”

“Well… He hasn’t talked to you either!!” When Dew glanced at Ifrit. He knew he was right and yet Ifrit still gave Phantom the grace he didn’t deserve.

“You don’t know what he’s going through!”

“Like you do?!” There was a pause of contemplation as Ifrit stared daggers at Dew. He huffed with every step he took.

“I’m tired of your moping around! You two need to talk this out like adults!” Ifrit’s hand wrapped around Dew’s wrist and before he knew it, he was pulled toward the backroom.

“Let me go!!” Dew hissed.

“I’m not letting you two out until you’ve fixed this shit!” The door swung open and right as he had a window to run, Ifrit sat Dew in the foldable chair. “You have until the end of the day.” 

“Uhh… What’s going on?” Phantom asked through wide eyes. The door slammed shut behind Ifirt leaving the two in silence. Dew crossed his arms with his mouth sewed shut.

“Oookaaay…” Phantom went back to eating his food silently and scrolling on his phone.

…

Phantom glanced up for a moment, but immediately averted his gaze. 

“What’s your problem?” Dew spat.

“Huh?”

“Just get it over with.”

“I don’t have any-”

“Don’t fucking lie to me,” Dew scoffed as he sat forward. “We haven’t talked for a month! A fucking month .”

The vulnerability sank into his skin. It left a thin layer that stuck and wouldn’t leave, even as he rubbed his arm.

“Do it now, while you still have the chance.” Dew’s voice weakened with each second. 

The room grew smaller as the tick from the clock infected his brain, a bead of sweat rolled down his face. His arm burned, but he continued forward. 

“I just didn’t wanna get between you and Ifrit! Okay?” 

If Dew was drinking something the only proper response would be to spit it out.

“Huh?” His eyebrows pressed in confusion, closer than he thought possible.

“I just didn’t want to get in between you guys…” Phantom grew silent as he looked down at his hands. “You deserve to be happy.”

Laughter erupted from Dew before he could hold back. It washed away the anger as his hand stopped rubbing at the close to raw part of his arm.

“You thought-we were-?” Laughter cut off his sentence.

“Yea!” Phantom swallowed hard as his eyes grew wide, “So wait… You aren’t?”

“Hell no! He’s like a brother!”

“ Oh .” 

“So wait… You’re telling me-” Dew held up a finger as he caught his breath, “ you went silent to not break us up?”

“Well… yea,” Phantom nodded defeatedly as he took another bite of his food.

“There has to be more to it!” 

He stayed silent, even after he was done chewing. Phantom stared at the tabletop, frozen in time. Dew always seemed to find where the line was easily and without fail cross it every time.

“Sorry,” Dew said softly and cleared his throat.

“No, no… you’re fine… Just been a uh. Rough couple of weeks.” 

“You can say that again.” Dew laughed lightly as they fell into a comfortable silence.

They sat for a moment, not caring about how much time passed. Finally absorbing the energy of each other without the heavy emotions. And it felt right.

“I’ll uh…” Dew cleared his throat, “I’ll let you enjoy the rest of your break.” 

He stood up abruptly. The situation sank into his skin. Of course that was the issue, he should have seen it all along! Embarrassment crept into his stomach as he opened the door. When he glanced back Phantom’s mouth opened as if to say something, but closed in favor of a smile. It washed all the icky feelings from Dew’s body until it left a flowery form of butterflies fluttering in his chest.

“So?”

Dew sat at the desk in silence as he stared at the screen with a small smile. Then he began to laugh to himself. If there were any customers they would think he was insane.

“He…” He broke to clear his throat, “He thought we were dating! Can you believe that?”

Dew turned to Ifrit, a crazed smile on his face. While most of him found it endearing, there was still a part of him that wanted to laugh in the younger man’s face. Talk shit about him like how he misheard Ifrit’s name the first day. 

“Huh… I wonder why,” Ifrit said as his eyebrows pressed together. Dew shrugged as he went back to his job. “But I’m happy you guys made up… Finally .”

Chapter Text

The smell of fresh coffee and the feeling of laughter on his lips returned without the weight of anxiety. Well, there was still anxiety, but it was manageable. While it started as just the two of them, it grew to three, then to four. Over the course of two months, they became a well knit group of co-workers and maybe even friends. 

“Who’s ready for drinks tonight?!” Ifrit asked as he scanned a vinyl into the system. Phantom jumped up and down, almost spilling his drink onto Dew.

“Omega said they were on him too,” Zephyr chimed in before taking a sip of his coffee. Calm as always. He reached over, placing a hand on Phantom’s shoulder. Dew stared a little too long at the hand. Obviously it was to calm the other from jumping even more, but jealousy bit at the back of his throat. 

“It’s been too long!” Phantom said with a huge grin on his face. Zephyr laughed endearingly at him and the jealousy grew. Dew took a long sip of his coffee before continuing his work, scanning CD’s, as always.

“Hey, isn’t Rain gonna be there?” Phantom asked as he poked Dew’s shoulder. 

“Oh yea, Swiss also,” He said calmly as he smiled and glanced at the other. His hair was fluffier than usual. It bounced around with every movement, and there was a lot to keep up with. 

“I can’t wait to meet him!” Phantom said. He couldn’t sit still, even as he drank his tea his hips swayed from side to side. If you put a happy puppy and Phantom in the same room, Dew wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. 

“Calm down Tommy. At this rate you’re not gonna have energy later,” Zephyr said while tapping the other’s back. Physical touch was normal between the pair, but Dew’s brain didn’t like it today.

“You’re right…” Phantom looked down, faking disappointment. “We should probably get to work.” He huffed before grabbing Zephyr’s hand and guiding them away from the desk. 

“Have fun over here boys!” Phantom called out from the middle of the room, before they rounded the corner and out of sight. But Dew didn’t even notice, his eyes were too focused on the one thing he knew he would never get. Before long, his head snapped to Ifrit.

“You saw that right?!” 

Ifrit sighed, but nodded along.

“They have to be dating… I’m screwed!” Dew dramatically raised his arms then set them on the desk, making a cushion for his head. 

“You don’t know that,” Ifrit said softly as he scanned another vinyl. Dew turned his head and glared. 

“They could just be really good friends,” Ifrit said, “Like us, or how you and Rain were.”

“Well… Yeah,” Dew rested his chin on his arms, “But this is different!”

Ifrit laughed to himself, but continued on with his job. Yea Dew had been more physically affectionate with Ifrit and Rain at some point, but it still didn’t answer why they held hands.

For the rest of the day the image of Phantom and Zephyr holding hands was burned into his head. But why did it matter so much? All they’ve ever been is just friends, and that’s all he wanted. So what Phantom had a significant other! It was none of Dew’s business.

As much as Dew wanted to focus on work and get it over with as quickly as possible, the universe had other plans. He couldn’t focus on a damn thing. If he tried it would end in him zoning out for a few minutes before Ifrit snapped him out of it. He didn’t think it was that bad until the fifth time Ifrit had to bring him back to reality.

Phantom walked with a skip in his step and a small smile on his face. The paper in his hand rustled as he approached the desk.

“Hey! I just wanted to check if you’ve seen this vinyl,” Phantom handed the paper over to Dew. “I looked everywhere and I couldn’t find it. System says we have one left,” He sighed defeatedly.

“Let me see.” Dew examined the paper closely.

“Oh yea! I sold it to a customer earlier today.” he looks up at Phantom and hands back the paper. “Have you already checked the back room?” 

Phantom nodded as his shoulders slouched. “Damn,”

“Which one was it? I might be able to help.” Ifrit chimed in, standing up from his chair and stretching his hand out. Phantom was surprised for a moment, but handed over the paper. 

After his eyes scanned it over, Ifrit looked up.

“Yea this artist can be a little hard to find, I’ll see what I can do.”

As soon as R&R Records closed they were all on their way to the bar. Swiss had offered Dew a ride the night before but he declined, instead he walked with everyone.  It was a 30 minute walk, which was about the same distance as his house. While it was starting to get colder outside, Dew left his hoodie tied around his waist. 

When they arrived the Bouncer checked everyone’s ID’s. The rough brick exterior housed a long bartop along the right wall with plenty of seating for anyone looking for a quick fix. Dew leaned against it as he glanced at the walls. Every frame and bar sign exactly where he remembered it being. 

“Woah!!” Phantom gasped as he glanced around, like a kid in a candy store. When Dew looked over he couldn’t hold back a smile. Ifrit nudged him closer to Phantom, but all that he could muster was a glare back at his friend. Before he could say anything a familiar voice came from the other side of the bar.

“What can I get for everyone?” 

Phantom gasped again, this time louder.

“YOU DIDN’T TELL ME RAIN WORKED HERE!!” He started jumping up and down. “That’s so cool!!!” 

Rain laughed to themself as they poured whiskey into a glass with ice then slid it to Dew.

“You know me so well,” He said before taking a swig. “ Perfect .”

The warm sensation spread throughout his body as his shoulders dropped. 

And quickly after that everyone had their drinks in hand. Ifrit, Zephyr, Phantom, and Dew all found a booth along the wall. The perfect distance from the bar, not too quiet but not too loud. And the seats were just as comfortable as he remembered. Ifrit and Zephyr sat against the wall on each side with Phantom and Dew on the ends. Omega and Mist sat at the bar, talking up a storm with Rain whenever they had free time. 

Swiss hadn’t arrived yet, but Dew knew he would be there soon. He was never one to pass up drinks. 

Dew stayed quiet and listened as Ifrit and Zephyr talked about some stupid thing they saw on the internet. He laughed when they did and that was all he needed. The walls really caught his eyes. Everytime he looked away, they were pulled back. Eventually his drink disappeared and so did Ifrit’s, so he got seconds for everyone. While he waited for the drinks he stole glances toward Phantom, being as sneaky as he could.

“You should tell him how you feel,” Rain said with a light punch to Dew’s shoulder. They continued making the drinks, shaking what needed to be shaken. Dew laughed to himself.

“He seems happy with Zephyr…” With his elbows rested on the counter he let his head drop, examining the wood closer. “I should just be happy for him.”

Rain sighed as they set down the second drink. 

“How do you know that?” 

Dew made eye contact with Rain, then looked back at the booth. Phantom leaned into Zephyr, clearly tipsy. He looked back at Rain with a straight face.

“Come onnn.. You know how we were,” They said as they set down the third drink. 

“Yea, yea…” Dew sighed into his glass. “Ifrit already gave me that speech.”

Instead of leaving whiskey in the glass, he opted for an empty one. So he chugged until the ice hit his lips and set it down on the counter. It slid into Rain’s hand and without hesitation was filled again.

“Maybe this will fill the holes in your brain.”

“Hey! My brain is perfectly fine, thank you very much.” The words blended together and nothing could stop him from looking back once again, only to find wandering eyes. Phantom smiled from ear to ear, his cheeks turning a shade of purple… a pastel purple. Dew smiled back and turned to Rain. Before anything could be said between them, a big burly arm was wrapped around Dew’s shoulder and a hearty laugh filled the space.

“Sorry I’m late, I had a few things to finish up that couldn’t wait.” Swiss smiled widely as Dew looked up.

“Figured as much.” Dew smiled back, “Happy you could make it.”

And just like that, Dew forgot about the conversation prior. Deep down, he knew his gut was right, and he wasn’t going to let his feelings get in the way of a friendship.

Swiss helped him carry the drinks back to the table and pulled up a chair. That was until Aurora showed up, unexpectedly to Dew. Phantom immediately hugged her, their levels of excitement matching. He couldn’t help but stare as they both geeked out on things that he didn’t even know existed. Sonny Angels? That was something he would figure out later. 

Aurora and Swiss moved to the bar, leaving the original four. Ifrit and Zephyr had run out of things to talk about so Phantom took over the conversation. First it was video games he was playing. Then it was a movie he saw recently. Dew didn’t mind listening to him talk, but with three drinks in his system it was hard to keep up with him. He would tune in for a few moments and then be back in no man's land, thinking about something completely different.

“What about you Dew?”

“Huh?”

“Have you even been paying attention?!” Phantom exaggerated, his cheeks were a deep fuschia and his voice was louder than ever.

“He asked what your plans are for Halloween,” Ifrit nudged him.

“Oh! Probably watch all the Scream movies and eat popcorn all day,” Dew said with a level of calmness that was unlike him.

“I meannnnn… What are You GOing AS.”

“Ohhhhhhhh….” Dew sat there for a moment. “I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“You… DIDN’T THINK ABOUT IT?” 

If the bar wasn’t so loud, Phantom’s volume would have made every head turn. But everyone continued on as normal.

“Yea? You got a problem with that?” Dew snapped out of habit and yet it went right over the other’s head.

“Well… Incase you were wondering,” Phantom cleared his throat and turned away from Dew. “I’m going to be a vampire this year. Hmmph.” 

Within two seconds of his act Phantom started laughing to himself…

He was long gone. 

Dew envisioned Phantom in a cape with cheap fangs and white makeup all over his face. Maybe some fake blood dripped from the corners of his mouth and on his white button up. His bare chest would be slightly visible and his waist would be hidden perfectly by the cape. Dew would place his hands on Phantom’s waist to reveal his true form and- He gulped as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat with his face unbearably hot. The image was put into the corners of his brain for another time… not in public.

“You good?” Zephyr asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Ye-yeah,” Dew coughed into his hand.

“Sometimes he breathes weirdly,” Ifrit said as his hand moved to Dew’s back. Without a second to react, Ifrit patted his back harshly causing Dew to cough more. Phantom and Zephyr laughed along as Dew finally gained his composure and stopped Ifrit’s hand.

“See! All better.”

All he could do was sigh as Ifrit pulled his hand away.

The conversation continued as if nothing happened. Thank Satan, that could have been bad. Dew’s eyes wandered the bar, too afraid to make eye contact with anyone at the table, but especially Phantom. Rain smiled at him and Swiss too, but his heart stopped at the end of the bartop. A man with a brown mullet sat directly at the corner, shadows covering his face just enough. Dew’s mouth became dry along with his throat.  

It couldn’t be… He was in jail.

Dew caught another glance toward the person, but nothing else was revealed. Sweat dropped down his forehead as he attempted to take deep breaths. 4, 4, 6. But his heart still beat out of his chest. 

What was he doing here? 

Did he want something?

Revenge? 

Nonono. He wasn’t here, his brain must be playing tricks on him. He tried to pull the memories of Atlas in cuffs, proving his brain wrong. But a laugh in the crowd caught his attention, one he couldn’t mistake.

The wooden table top became blurry beneath him. He ran his fingers through his hair, slowly taking apart the messy bun it had been thrown into after work. He glanced one more time, making eye contact with the stranger.

Fuck.

FuckFUckFuckFUCK!

“Hey Dew… You okay?” Ifrit asked as he reached for his shoulder, but before he could reach Dew pulled away.

“Yea!” He gulped in the sticky bar air. “Yea…”

Dew glanced around nervously before standing abruptly. He scratched the back of his neck and cleared his throat.

“I’m gonna… step outside, real quick.” 

“Fresh air.”

The sentence didn’t make sense, but before anyone could protest he b-lined for the door. His eyes glued to the floor as he weaved through a crowd of people. Somebody must have drugged his drink because the room was spinning. Sweat seeped out of his pores and black crept in. 

He pushed through one last wall, and the cool, crisp fall air washed over him. His breaths became deeper with every second.

He rounded the left corner of the building, as his fists unclenched. He didn’t even remember when they started digging into his palms, but there were deep engravings where his fingers once were. That had to mean something.

He looked up, and sighed with relief.  Swiss stood with his back against the brick and his head in the clouds.

Dew took one last deep breath and straightened out his shirt before taking the space next to Swiss. 

What’s Dew’s favorite thing about Swiss?

He didn’t pry.

If Dew had tried to speak his cover would have been blown, so he held out his hand. And without question, a cigarette was placed in it. He put it between his lips and before he knew it, it was lit. 

Dew didn’t smoke often, mainly socially, but the first hit was always the best for him. The smoke filled his lungs and he exhaled with a sigh.

Thank Lucifer. 

With a few inhales his breath was back to a normal pace. The thought of Atlas would have left his mind if it weren’t for the constant reminder of his laugh. Dew coughed. He could feel Swiss’s eyes, he didn’t even have to look. There was an itch on the back of his neck. 

What if Atlas did get out? What if Dew was in trouble and he didn’t know? 

All the questions ran through his head, close to drowning out his voice, but he pushed through. 

He had to be sure.

“How long does Atlas have?”

Swiss coughed for a moment, but played it off as clearing his throat. He patted Dew’s shoulder.

“He’s got a couple more years, bud.” 

The sound of crickets in the distance filled the space between the passing cars. 

“Everything okay?”

All Dew could muster was a nod as he took another hit. The weight of his shoulders lightened with every second.

Atlas was somewhere far away. Dew was safe.

“Well,” Swiss dropped the remainder of his cig on the ground, using the ball of his foot to put it out. “Enjoy the fresh air.”

He tipped his imaginary hat to Dew and walked toward the entrance, nodding at the bouncer before walking in. And before Dew could look away, Phantom slipped out the door, looking around frantically. But before long their eyes met, and the heave of Phantom’s chest calmed.

Dew looked toward the building across the street, observing the sky above it that was getting richer in color, almost a full rainbow. If it weren’t for the 3 glasses and the cig in his hand, he would have been fucked. But he took another hit, let it dance in his lungs, and exhaled. Before long, Phantom leaned against the wall a few feet next to him. 

Crickets continued to fill the space as the orangey hues started dissipating from the sky. The leaves on nearby trees mostly green with oranges and reds peppered in. A few even splayed across the grass and sidewalk. 

“Why’d you come out?” Dew asked through another hit.

“Uh-” Phantom jumped in his skin, “Fresh air…” He nodded quickly as if confirming with himself. His face scrunched in thought. “Wha-What about you?”

“Same.” 

Dew laughed to himself. He looked at the stars that could be seen. 

“You okay?” Phantom blurted. Dew froze for a moment and rubbed the back of his neck. He still wasn’t as sly as he thought.

“Yea…” 

The sun was hidden behind the building, allowing the blue hues to take over the sky. The reflection of orange against the bottom of clouds. A view that would never get old.

“It’s pretty… Isn’t it.” Dew wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement, but he didn’t feel the need to clarify.

“You are-I mean…” Phantom cleared his throat “ It. Is. ” he smacked his forehead.

Dew immediately turned to Phantom. On one hand he’s flattered, but what the hell was that supposed to mean? His eyebrows pressed in confusion.

“Fuck…” Phantom laughed to himself as he hid his face in his hands.

The crickets louder, with no cars to break them up. Each second an extra beat was added to Dew’s heart rate. But why? Why now?

“Do you… uh.” Phantom swallowed harshly. “Do you want to go out… sometime?” He shrunk against the wall, his face still hidden.

Dew’s eyebrows pressed closer.

“Wouldn’t that upset Zephyr?”

“Huh?” Phantom looked up from his hands. He thought for a moment but continued. “I don’t see how that’s relevant… But they would be overjoyed!”

Right over his head.

“Wait…” Dew massaged his forehead. “So you guys aren’t together?”

“ Pfft No!” He batted at the air.

“I could never date a roomie!”

“What?! Since when?!” Dew basically yelled.

“A few months ago!” What started as excitement slowly melted away in his voice. The smile on Phantom’s face slowly came down.

“Oh yea… I guess I never told you.” he laughed to himself as his eyes traced the lines of the road. He cleared his throat.

“Long story short. I used to live with my Aunt and Uncle. I overstayed my welcome and Zeph had a room open.” He leaned his head against the brick, observing the stars. As much as Dew wanted to say he could see them, he was too focused on the one next to him. The streetlight illuminated Phantom, and a new feeling joined his chest. Not one of pity or empathy, but awe.

“Sure.” 

When their eyes met, it felt easier to hold. It felt natural. Dew couldn’t quite understand what had happened to him, but in that moment, it felt different. He was walking into territory never before discovered and for once, it didn’t scare him. Time was frozen and it felt like it would never be the same.

Both of them turned toward the sky, the stars more apparent than ever. Dew took another hit and as he exhaled he leaned closer to Phantom, until their shoulders pressed together. While Dew always ran a higher temperature, he could tell that the opposite was for Phantom from this one touch. 

“Ya know, you don’t have to stay out here.” Dew said through another hit.

“I know.” Phantom said as he rubbed his arm. From an outside perspective, some would say he was nervous, but Dew had an inkling it was something else. He felt Phantom shiver, and that was all the confirmation he needed.

Dew placed his cig in his mouth and started fumbling with the hoodie tied around his waist. While it added to his fit, it had a more important job. As soon as the knot was undone, Dew held it out to Phantom. His eyes trained on the sky as he removed the cig from his mouth with his free hand. 

“A-Are you sure?” 

“Take it before I change my mind.” 

Just like that, it was out of his hands. He knew he would be fucked if he looked over, but he couldn’t help himself. Some would say he stole a glance, but he knew it was longer.

Even though Phantom was taller than Dew, the hoodie was a little big on him.

Silence filled the space between them, even as they leaned closer together. Dew didn’t understand why he was put on this planet and sometimes cursed the imaginary god. But not at that moment. The touch of their shoulders slowed the racing track that was his mind.

He dropped the remainder of his cigarette on the ground and stomped it out.

“Wanna head in?”

“Sure!” Phantom grabbed his hand without hesitation, leading him into a world of wonder and mystery. Even though anxiety bit at the back of his throat and his skin quietly begged to be torn off…

He followed.