Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He hurts.

He hurts everywhere.

His head, and his face – eye, nose, and especially his mouth. It felt like… well, he knew exactly what it felt like. Thinking about why it felt that way… no.

Buck’s mind shied away from where it had been heading.

His ribs, where he’d been kicked. He thought that’s why they hurt, anyway. It was hard to remember.  His hands hurt too; from the rough gravel they’d been pressed into during – No.

His hands hurt from when he’d tried to fight back.

Not that it had done him any good. He couldn’t remember how many there were other than too many for him to fight off. Especially not once something had hit him across the back of his head, hard. When the explosion of light had cleared his vision, Buck had found himself on his knees, barely able to think for the pounding in his skull, being dragged backwards as his pants were roughly ripped down his legs. 

The worst of the pain, though, was in his ass – NO! 

Buck’s internal shout was a mocking echo of the cries that had gone ignored before he was assaulted in ways he’d never thought would happen to him. Not him. He was big. Strong. He wasn’t a victim.

Except now he was. 

He’d seen victims in the aftermath of such attacks on calls, more times than he’d ever wanted to remember. People with blank eyes, staring into nothing as if the horror they’d endured was the only thing they could see. They called them survivors, as if that would change what had happened to them. 

Buck didn’t feel like a survivor.

Footsteps echoed down the alleyway and Buck startled violently, flinging himself to the side and hitting something with a solid thud that echoed. An industrial garbage bin. He thought briefly of climbing inside to hide – but knew he couldn’t in his current state. His ass – NO. 

Buck’s mind shied away from that area, again. He couldn’t think about it. Not yet. Not there.

Not when they might come back.

He was terrified that they might come back. 

He had to get away. 

He hurt too much to do it himself, though. 

He had to get help.  

The date with Tommy had been going well, until he’d ruined it. They’d shared a pizza, their tastes in that and the beer they chose compatible, which Buck had taken as a good sign. Small talk had been easy, with their shared background in firefighting and enjoyment of athletic pursuits. Buck could have listened to Tommy tell stories about air rescues all night, but the other man had been adept at drawing stories from him, too. 

They hadn’t lacked for conversation once - until Eddie had appeared. 

Then… well, Buck knew exactly what had happened after that. He’d fucked up, even sooner than he usually did. And Tommy had left. Buck didn’t blame him. Not much point in sticking around someone who clearly had no idea at all what they were doing. 

God, he’d made such a fool of himself. 

After Tommy left him standing on the sidewalk alone, Buck had decided to walk a few blocks to get some air and think about how much of an idiot he’d been in front of both Tommy and Eddie.

He hadn’t even made it to the end of the block when someone grabbed him from behind and hustled him into the alleyway behind the restaurant. No, not one. Two, at least. They’d grabbed him, cruelly tight grips on each of his biceps as they forced him into the darkness away from the safety of the street and its bright lights. 

“Hey!” 

His first, indignant shout had earned him a brick wall to the face, the crack of his nose breaking, whiting out his vision momentarily. The taste of blood in his mouth threw him disconcertingly into a nightmarish image of Eddie standing before him with a hole in his shoulder filling his sight. It distracted Buck for crucial moments. 

By the time he shook it off, he was being dragged further down the alley. Shit. He was being mugged. Tried to get a good look at them so he could identify them later. All he really saw was that they were both wearing some sort of dark team jerseys and jeans. 

Buck was strong, but not a fighter. Fighting was never his first instinct. He struggled, though. Wasn’t about to let them do whatever it was they wanted without any resistance. Then he thought twice. They’d attended mugging calls plenty of times. It always went worse when people resisted.

“Here. Take it. Just take it!” he said, wrestling one arm free to pull his wallet from his pocket, his keys tangling around his fingers in his haste. A punch to his side had him dropping both; keys and coins from his wallet falling open as it hit the ground clinking and clattering noisily as they scattered.

What the hell?

A swift punch to his gut had Buck wheezing, doubled over in response as he was dragged, stumbling. They had him at the other end of the alley by the time he could breathe again. His wallet lay disregarded behind them. 

Fuck. It wasn’t just a mugging. He was in serious trouble, Buck had no doubt at all. Had they seen him with Tommy - were they going to bash him? 

“HELP!” 

His shout earned him a blow to the head with something that felt like a fucking brick, it was that solid. It sent him to his knees, dazed, as fists and feet pummeled him mercilessly. Then there were hands on his belt buckle, and on the fly of his jeans. Sudden awareness of his situation had Buck’s arms pimpling with goosebumps as dread solidified in his aching gut. 

No. 

“Get off me!” 

True fear exploded in Buck rather than the surprise and anger he’d been feeling. They were trying to— fuck. Adrenalin lent him strength and he renewed his struggles, rearing upright - only to be struck across the face so hard he reeled. He would have fallen to the ground had the one behind him not held him up. It wasn’t for mercies sake though. Seconds later he was being pushed forward and down until he had to catch himself with his hands lest he faceplant into the ground. His still throbbing nose made him more than aware of how painful that would be.  

This couldn’t be happening. He’d just been saying goodbye to Tommy just minutes ago. Had been grinning awkwardly at Eddie— Eddie. 

Eddie was still in the restaurant. The brick wall right in front of him - it was the back corner of the restaurant. Eddie was mere feet away from him. 

He may as well have been on the moon. 

Buck kept struggling, thrashing and kicking back, and was kneed in the face by the man in front of him for his trouble, reawakening the pain of his broken nose as harsh hands gripped his ears. It felt like the guy was trying to tear them from his head and Buck gasped, his eyes watering. A boot from behind stomped down hard on his lower leg - his left leg, waking the always present ache until it screamed along with all his other injuries.  

Then his ass and legs, exposed to the night air when his jeans and briefs were yanked roughly down from behind, were abruptly cold.

Until the heat of another body was pressing against him - into him, in a place he’d only just started thinking of in a sexual way.

But not like this. 

Never like this. 

“No! EDDIE!” 

The scream tore from Buck’s throat as it felt like he was being torn in two, answered only by a rough hand slamming across his mouth and mocking laughter. There was no joy in the sound. No happiness. Hands held him in place by his hips, gripping him so firmly he couldn’t pull away no matter how he tried. 

His ass felt like it was on fire. 

“Don’t pretend you don’t want it, Evan. We saw you inside. Saw your man leave you. Thought we’d help you out, give you what you so desperately wanted and weren’t going to get. Don’t complain now.” 

Yet more cruel laughter sounded from both men as Buck cringed against the sound of his name in that voice. So unlike the way Tommy said it, the way that had only just started to become a way of allowing him to begin reclaiming it as his own. Buck fought against that violation just as much as he was fighting against the violation of his body as it was thrust into repeatedly against his will. 

“Nobody’s looking at us, Evan.” Tommy’s words echoed in Buck’s mind. Except he’d been wrong, and somebody had been looking at them. And it was so much worse than anything Buck had thought he needed to be nervous about. 

“NO!” he roared after biting the hand across his mouth until it moved. “No, don’t - stop! Please, sto—” 

His shouts morphed into a garbled choking sound as something was shoved into his mouth, something - oh god, no. 

“Don’t stop? Whatever you say, Evan baby.” 

Buck threw his hands out, pushing and clawing and scratching the man before him who was violating his mouth. Hope grew as his new assailant yelped and withdrew slightly - but not all the way. Still fighting even as he was shoved forwards by the brutal thrusting into his ass, Buck glared at the man gripping his ears painfully and began to clench his jaw shut, bearing his teeth down onto the obstruction between them while his nails drew blood on the other’s bare hips. 

Not even a blow to the side of his face stopped him and Buck bit harder, deciding to bite the damned dick off if that’s what he had to do. 

Hands circled his throat from behind and tightened, abruptly cutting off what small snatches of air Buck had been able to inhale through his nostrils. 

“You bite, you choke, got it?” an angry, deep voice snarled behind him, the question punctuated by another thrust that sent agony searing through Buck. He was already growing lightheaded and fighting any more suddenly felt impossible between his need for air, the pounding of his head and what was being done to his body. 

Buck sagged in defeat, eyes closing as the fight left him. The hands around his throat disappeared and instead, his body began to rock back and forth, first shoved one way, then the other, like a dog toy being fought over by two rivals. 

Eddie. Help. Help me Eddie. Tears leaked from his eyes, his despair made real. Hands clutching his head, more hands clutching his hips. Both sets tight with uncaring cruelty. 

Buck kept his eyes closed so he wouldn’t see the hairy stomach of the man before him. The man who was—

No. He refused to think about what was happening to him. 

Sharp gravel bit into Buck’s palms where they braced his body on the ground. It tore into his skin, small, bright flares of pain matched by similar, lesser sensations in his knees that were protected by the fabric of his pants. Buck focused on the pain in his hands, trying to ignore all the other, worse pain he was feeling. He pleaded with his mind for it to flee reality. 

It did, throwing him into memory as it tried to protect him from what was being done to his body. 

Bobby, smiling warmly at him as he entered the station kitchen, holding out a spoon for Buck to taste the meal he was cooking. 

Maddie, eyes crinkling as she teased him about something fondly, Jee a warm, snuffling weight in his arms on their couch. 

Eddie, grinning with him in exhilaration after they’d worked a particularly hard rescue together that they couldn’t have done alone. 

Cradled by thoughts of his loved ones, Buck endured his assault, unable to cry out or call for help; or fight back. His body violently battered at both ends seemingly endlessly, penetrated again and again until he was raw, bleeding and yearning for unconsciousness to take him away from it all.

The peace of unconsciousness was denied him despite his woozy, throbbing head. Despite how  Buck prayed for it to be over as he suffered through his violation. 

Eventually, it ended, as all things do. 

Buck had no idea how long they’d been there, how long he’d been—

No. He couldn’t finish that thought. 

When it was over, when Buck was finally left alone in the dark, silent alley, his shirt ripped and pants torn down his body, blood from his nose sliding slowly over his lips; he coughed, feeling like he was choking again. 

He had choked, when the second man had finished and his mouth and throat had been filled with something foreign to him that he didn’t want to name. Had vomited, even before the man had pulled out, gaining another blow to the side of his head as curses rained down on him. 

His mouth was free, then, and Buck had thrown up again, bile and more splattering over the man’s legs and feet. One foot had drawn back to kick him, but had missed when the other man had hauled him upright with a hand around his neck again. Not to spare him, but to hold him close as one last, cruel thrust speared into him.

Harsh panting puffed against his ear and a clawing hand had grabbed at his dick above his briefs where they still partially covered him there despite having been wrenched below his ass at the back. Fingers pressed against him savagely, drawing only a despairing gurgle of protest from Buck around his damaged, constricted throat. 

He had no strength left to scream anyway. Could barely breathe for the way his throat felt blocked even after he’d purged what had been deposited there yet again, after the hand strangling him released its harsh grip.  

Buck fell where he was shoved when the last man pulled away and out of him, unwelcome warmth finally, finally gone, leaving him chilled on the cold hard ground. 

Somewhere inside, part of him knew the warmth he could feel trickling from his ass was the same thing he’d violently ejected from his mouth and throat. The same thing he’d fallen into on the ground, the same thing he could feel on his face, mouth and cheek. 

Somewhere inside, part of him was screaming.

Another part wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and shut the world out forever and always. For a time, that part won, and Buck just laid there, hoping they didn’t come back. He had no fight left in him. 

A stronger part of him, though, knew he needed help. 

That was what Buck did. He helped those who needed it. Now, he was the one in need. But help wouldn’t come unless he called for it. No one had come while he was being assaulted, despite his shouts at the start. The alley was dark, isolated and quiet behind the restaurant. There’d been no foot traffic to save him then, and there wasn’t now. 

Footsteps echoed down the alleyway and Buck startled violently, flinging himself to the side and hitting something with a solid thud that echoed too. An industrial dumpster. He thought briefly of climbing inside to hide – but knew he couldn’t in his current state. More tears leaked slowly from his eyes and trickled down his cheeks, until something occurred to him with chilling terror. 

They might come back.

He had to get help.  

They might come back.

He had to get help.  

Moaning, terrified, Buck struggled into a sort of half sitting, half kneeling position. It hurt too much to sit properly. He dug in the pocket of his pants for his phone, trying to pull them up to cover himself when he pulled it free.

He had to call for help. He needed help. 

He slid back down onto his side as his fingers poked clumsily at the touchscreen. 

“Buck? What’s up?”  

Oh. Buck blinked through his tears. That wasn’t 9-1-1. He’d meant to call 9-1-1. It hurt his brain when he tried to think. But he knew that voice. 

“E-Eddie… help. P-please, I… h-help. M-me.”

“Buck?” Eddie’s tinny voice grew sharp with instant concern, “Buck, where are you? What happened?”

“I-I need help.” Buck couldn’t hold back a sob no matter how much his throat hurt. 

“I was r-raped.”

Chapter Text

Heart pounding so hard Eddie half expected it to burst from his chest and splatter onto the floor, Eddie lurched from his seat inside the restaurant and staggered towards the door. 

“Eddie— what?” 

He couldn’t answer. Just waved a hand at Marisol with no idea whether he was saying ‘Come with me’ or ‘Stay there’, then changed his mind. He covered the speaker on the phone with his hand and hissed at Marisol, “Call 9-1-1, there’s been an assault,” before beckoning her to follow him. 

“Buck. I need to know where you are,” Eddie ordered, slamming through the door. Once on the street outside, his eyes searched everywhere frantically as if Buck would be right there. He wasn’t, of course. Eddie knew that. 

Sexual assaults didn’t happen in plain view. No, they happened hidden away, the perpetrators cunning in their sick ways. “Buck, where are you? ” He flagged down a passing taxi, uncaring that his truck was parked down the street. He needed to get to Buck immediately. 

The answer was devastating. 

Spinning on his heels, Eddie turned his back on the idling vehicle and raced for the alley mere feet away, Marisol behind him. He heard her giving their location to the dispatcher - then he heard nothing more as he caught sight of Buck. 

“Buck!” 

Buck, curled on his side in front of a dumpster, looking oddly small, didn’t respond.  

Buck, with his pants partially down, Eddie saw as he got closer. Shirt torn open. His face was pressed into his inner arms as if trying to protect himself, arms folded over his head. Phone on the ground nearby, still lit with their call. 

“Stop!” Eddie snapped towards Marisol. “Go back and flag down the ambulance when it arrives. Stay there. Please,” he added belatedly. 

Thankfully, she just nodded silently and turned away. Gratitude flickered within Eddie at her understanding before grief banished it. Buck didn’t need a near stranger witnessing him like this. Not like this. Heavily, Eddie turned back to the heartbreaking sight that lay before him. 

“Buck, it’s me, I’m here,” Eddie said quietly. “I’m— I’m going to come closer, okay?”

There was no response, then Buck’s arms lowered a little as wide, scared eyes peered up at Eddie. They were dark in the dim light, an unnatural color on Buck. They should be clear, bright and blue and merry. Not clouded with pain and terror. Anger seethed inside Eddie and he took a deep breath, pushing it aside. He couldn’t afford to show that to Buck, not with how frightened he had to be. He had to stay calm.  

“Eh-die,” Buck mumbled, eyes creasing. A tear trickled slowly down the one cheek Eddie could see clearly, below an eye that was bruised and blackening. It slid along the side of Buck’s nose, mixing with blood beneath it, blood and—

Eddie shuddered at the realization of what he was seeing on Buck’s face. 

He desperately wanted to ask questions. What happened? How badly are you hurt? And most especially, where the fuck is Tommy? He’d seen Buck and Tommy leave together, had heard Buck talking about their plans to see a movie. 

But Buck needed more from him than an interrogation. 

“Can I check you out?” he asked instead, dropping to his knees before Buck - who flinched away, his head hitting the metal side of the dumpster behind him with a dull thud that had them both wincing. 

“S-sry!”

“Sorry!” 

Their apologies overlapped and Eddie felt his face doing… something, he didn’t know what. All he knew was that Buck was the last person who should be apologizing for anything just then. 

“It’s alright, Buck. I’m just - where are you hurt? Where—” Eddie felt like a probie, inexperienced and uncertain. He had to pull it together. Buck needed him. “I’m gonna check your eyes, okay?” 

It was a start, at least. He didn’t like how glazed Buck’s eyes were, nor how slow they were to track. Thumbing the flashlight of his phone on, Eddie shone it into Buck’s eyes, automatically cupping the back of his head with his other hand when Buck pulled away from the bright light. 

“Muh head,” Buck muttered with a concerning slur to his words, clenching his eyes closed. “H-hit me.”

Eddie had seen clear signs of a concussion in Buck’s pupillary response. He gently danced his fingers over Buck’s scalp and found a lump there that pulled another wince from Buck and an apology from Eddie when he pressed on it lightly. 

His fingers had blood on them when he drew his hand back into the light. 

“You’ve definitely got a concussion,” he told Buck, still trying to hide the anger that he hadn’t been able to completely push away. 

“Mmm.” The murmur was the only response he got as Buck’s eyes drooped closed. 

“No, Buck, stay awake,” Eddie said urgently, shaking Buck’s shoulder gently. “Come on. Eyes open. Please .” 

Buck’s eyes didn’t reopen. 

Checking his pulse, Eddie swore. It was slow. Too slow. He was going into shock, and there was nothing Eddie could do about it. He didn’t have any of the gear he was used to having when treating patients. He didn’t have anything at all. Not even a jacket that he could keep Buck warm with. 

“Where’s the fucking ambulance?” he shouted down the alley desperately - and seconds later heard a response not from Marisol, but in the sound of sirens in the distance. 

“They’re coming, Buck. Hold on, please. Just hold on,” Eddie murmured. He lifted Buck’s shirt to check for any bleeding and patted him down carefully, so carefully. Took a brief look behind Buck to make sure he wasn’t bleeding badly there but otherwise left that area alone. 

Protocol dictated that evidence be left untouched until swabs could be taken in cases like this. 

Thinking about protocol and evidence and cases made Eddie want to vomit and punch something at the same time. Buck wasn’t a case . He was a person, a friend - Eddie’s best friend. And he’d been hurt, badly. He needed help, not to be reduced to nothing but a case number in a file. 

Eddie vowed to be there for Buck however he needed it. No matter what. Swallowing bitterness away, he checked Buck’s pulse again, only to find it was even slower than it had been moments ago. He swore under his breath and tried to control his worry as he waited, trying to wake Buck up without success. 

Then at last the sound of sirens grew loud and close, followed by the slamming of doors and feet running down the alleyway towards them. 

“Male rape victim,” Eddie said as he stood and stepped aside, his tone curt. “Thirty years old. Semi-responsive upon discovery. Pupils were fixed and dilated, he has a laceration on the back of his head. Pulse was brachycardic and has slowed further since checking. He became unresponsive approximately two minutes ago and I have been unable to revive him.” 

“Doctor?” one of the paramedics asked and Eddie shook his head. 

“No,” he said shortly, about to identify himself and Buck before thinking twice. The LAFD were notorious gossips and Eddie wasn’t sure if Buck would want what had happened to him known or not. He hadn’t recognized either EMT nor the station number on the ambulance, a small blessing. 

“Field medic in Afghanistan. I’m Ed— Edmundo, he’s Evan,” he said instead. “He called me, he’s my friend, and I’m his medical proxy. He’s allergic to Naproxan and has a history of blood clots.” 

The words sent him straight back to another dreadful night not so long ago. It had been raining that night, not clear like this one. Bobby had been with him then. And Hen, and Chim. Eddie wished they were with him now. Wanted to call them to come, so he wouldn’t have to deal with this on his own. 

But Buck might not want them there. This wasn’t a crushed leg, or a blood clot. This was something else entirely. And he’d called Eddie , not anyone else. So Eddie couldn’t call anyone else either. 

He stood back and watched carefully as they triaged Buck, intent on making sure they did everything right. His hands twitched, wanting to shove the paramedics aside each time they laid hands on Buck and do it himself, sure that Buck would respond if it were Eddie treating him instead. 

That’s how it had happened after the lightning had stopped Buck’s heart, after all. Chimney and Hen had worked on him the entire way to the hospital, trading off in the back of the ambulance - but it was only when Eddie had begun compressions that they’d got a rhythm back. 

If only Eddie could do something like that for Buck now. 

Buck’s heart was beating, though. He was breathing. He wasn’t bleeding out. The concussion was concerning and Eddie wished he would wake up but as best he could tell, it wasn’t life threatening. The calm, measured movements of the paramedics told him they’d come to the same conclusion. 

Eddie turned his back when they rolled Buck to check for injuries from the assault. He could give Buck that, at least. It wasn’t enough, would never be enough, but it was something. The thought of what Buck must have suffered made Eddie sick to his stomach as he worried over how badly he might be hurt there. 

Time didn’t seem to be moving right. It felt like it was hours before Buck was being loaded onto the gurney - yet also seconds. The walk back down the alleyway, lit by the strobing flashes of red light from the ambulance at the end took decades - and minutes. Halfway there, something clinked under Eddie’s foot - Buck’s keys, with the distinctive dalmatian firefighter keychain that Christopher had insisted Buck would love and that Eddie had to buy it for him. Nearby was his wallet, lying open on the ground. When Eddie picked them both up, he saw cash still tucked into it. 

He’d already known it hadn’t been a robbery. Finding Buck’s possessions only confirmed it. Eddie’s eyes flew back to Buck and he hastened his steps to cross the scant distance that the paramedics had outpaced him on when he’d paused. 

“Eddie?” Marisol’s quiet voice jerked Eddie from his watchfulness as they approached the back of the ambulance. Faint guilt tried to intrude since he’d all but forgotten her presence and Eddie shoved it away. Marisol would understand that he had more important things to worry about. 

“I have to go,” he said, eyes darting from his girlfriend back to the unconscious form of his best friend as he was loaded into the vehicle. 

“I know,” she replied. “Give me your keys, I’ll bring your truck to the hospital.” 

In that instant Eddie thanked God for her despite not having believed in him for years. He dug his keys from his pocket with a nod of thanks before clambering into the ambulance. Inside, Buck’s keys replaced his; safe in his pocket along with Buck’s wallet and phone that he’d picked up once the paramedics were caring for him. Eddie briefly wondered if Buck had driven or Ubered before deciding that was a question for another time. 

The drive to the hospital felt like the longest Eddie had ever experienced, longer even than that dreadful night that Buck had died. He didn’t have the responsibility of driving this time to distract him. Didn’t have anything to do at all. He wasn’t a first responder, now. He was a friend. Relegated to the bench seat, pressed back to stay out of the paramedics way as they checked on Buck, monitoring his vitals (stable and staying that way, though several were lower than Eddie liked) and making sure the bag of fluids was flowing freely. 

Covered by a blanket now against the shock his body had thrown him into, Buck’s visible injuries were stark under the bright lights. One entire side of his face was rapidly darkening in a large, vivid bruise. His nose appeared to be broken, his lower lip split, Eddie thought. It was hard to tell amidst the blood covering the lower half of his face. Blood and other fluids that he had to forcefully not think about lest he lose control of himself entirely. 

More bruises covered Buck’s throat. The shape of a hand was stark against his pallor - he’d been choked. The knowledge had Eddie’s hands curling into fists that he pressed into his thighs impotently. 

It was the injuries he couldn’t see though, that had rage churning sickeningly inside Eddie. 

The knowledge that Buck, gentle, lovable Buck who wouldn’t even kill the caterpillars that kept eating the vegetables in the garden he and Christopher had been growing together in Eddie’s back yard, had been assaulted in such a hideous way had Eddie contemplating an assault of his own. 

If he found the man who’d done this he might very well kill him. 

Again, Eddie wondered where the hell Tommy was. He and Buck had left the restaurant together, Eddie had seen them. Had seen the smile on Buck’s face and had been happy that he and Tommy had become friends at last. That they’d cleared the air after the clusterfuck of a basketball game, just as he and Buck had. 

Buck had been happy - and now he was severely injured in one of the worst ways. Still unresponsive even now, when they were almost at the hospital. 

Questions kept circling Eddie’s mind. 

Buck had been out with Tommy, and now Tommy was nowhere to be seen. 

What the fuck had happened?

Eddie stopped at the doors, like they always did. 

Like he’d been forced to, two other times that were seared in his memory. After the ladder truck bomb - and after the lightning strike. 

Both times, Buck had been unconscious. Both times, Eddie and the rest of the 118 had spent hours sitting in the waiting room before they heard any news on his condition. 

This time, Eddie would be waiting alone. Nevertheless, he stopped at the doors. It was what they did. 

“Come with him,” one of the medical staff swarming around Buck’s bed as it was being pushed further into the hospital called before hurrying back to Eddie and grasping his arm lightly. Surprise had him planting his feet obstinately despite how much he wanted to follow. It wasn’t protocol. He knew the protocol. Bobby made sure everyone knew it - and followed it. 

“I—” Eddie didn’t know what he’d planned on saying. It didn’t matter, because he was being tugged by the arm now, his feet automatically moving forward like they knew to follow his heart instead of his head.  

“We have a dedicated team that are experienced with the patients needs in sexual assault cases. Mr Buckley is not in a critical condition. We find it’s best if patients have someone they know, someone they trust, present when they wake. He’ll be scared, and he’ll need someone he can count on. You are his friend, right? Will you come?” 

“Yes,” Eddie said firmly, reigning in his surprise as he nodded, “I am. I’ll come. Of course I’ll come.” 

At first, he stayed back. Out of the way as Buck was assessed again, by doctors this time. Listened to the snipping of scissors as nurses cut Buck’s clothes away, shoulders hunching when he heard the instructions to put them in evidence bags for forensics. Eventually a hospital gown replaced the clothes Buck had been wearing. 

“Don’t touch anywhere that may contain evidence that a rape kit will pick up.” The senior paramedic’s firm words to their partner in the alley echoed in Eddie’s memory and he swallowed away nausea. Buck’s ordeal wasn’t over yet. 

At least they hadn’t left him naked and exposed. 

The sick feeling was slowly being overtaken by anger as Eddie thought about who had done this to Buck - what he wanted to do to the faceless man in return. He kept listening while thinking about it. Sighed with relief when no stab wounds were found. He hadn’t thought Buck had been stabbed, had seen no sign of it and nor had the paramedics, but it was good to have it confirmed. It was determined that a CT scan was needed to check the severity of his head injury and to check if he had internal bleeding. 

Buck was still unconscious when his bed was wheeled away to imaging where Eddie couldn’t follow. 

He spent the time wondering if he should call Maddie, ultimately deciding against it for the moment. While injured and no doubt traumatized, Buck’s life wasn’t at risk, and Eddie wanted to let Buck decide who he would and wouldn’t tell about what had happened. That wasn’t Eddie’s choice to make. 

They were in a private room in the priority two area, Buck’s condition not severe enough for priority one. He assumed the privacy was in consideration to the type of assault but wasn’t sure, having never been on this side of the doors himself when conscious. When Eddie had been shot he would have been in priority one, and by the time he’d woken he’d been moved to a recovery ward. He’d never seen this side of things before and felt self conscious and in the way. At the same time, now that he’d been allowed to be there, it would take a lot to get Eddie to leave.

After Buck’s bed had been wheeled back into the room his assessment and treatment continued. Eddie listened to the long list of injuries and watched as they were treated, those that could be, anyway.  

The CT had revealed that the injuries to Buck’s head had resulted in a grade one concussion from multiple blows. Eddie had suspected a more severe concussion, based on Buck’s affected speech and how long he’d been unconscious. When he asked about it, he was told that Buck’s continued unconsciousness was likely due to a combination of the concussion, after effects of being choked, and his mind’s way of protecting him from what had happened. The doctors weren’t concerned as they’d seen nothing to indicate that the choking had caused brain damage and it hadn’t been long enough to warrant concern - yet. 

He was glad the concussion wasn’t more severe. Eddie hadn’t known that Buck had been hit more than once but it made sense. Buck was a big guy, and strong. It would have taken a lot to subdue him when he fought back. The broken nose, black eye and split lip and the way most of Buck’s face was bruised and battered told Eddie how hard Buck had fought. Hearing that he had several cracked ribs and severe bruising of his abdomen (but no internal bleeding) from being kicked several times only reinforced the image of Buck fighting back. 

Then the doctors began assessing the injuries sustained from the sexual assault. Wanting to respect his friend's right to privacy, Eddie had turned his back as once again, Buck had been logrolled onto his side. He could still hear the doctors talking though, and his stomach churned when he heard—

“Multiple minor lacerations and haematomas on hips and buttocks; blood visible on anus. We’ll wait for the patient’s consent before performing a more thorough genital exam. He’ll also need to consent to blood tests for ST—.” 

A guttural, wordless shriek shattered the muted quiet of the room, shocking with its suddenness and its volume. 

Then, “Get off! GET OFF! GET OFF ME! ” 

The room burst into motion as Eddie spun around and saw Buck’s arm flailing wildly in the air before he twisted in the bed and lurched upright, hunching in on himself. The medical staff around the bed collectively stepped back, not so far as to let Buck risk falling but far enough not to crowd him. They didn’t rush to reassure Buck like Eddie half expected and he belatedly realized that it was because that was his job. It was the whole reason he was there. 

“Buck! Buck it’s alright, you’re safe,” Eddie cried as he took two long strides, crossing the room to get to Buck’s side. “You’re safe, you’re in hospital, I’ve got you, alright? I’ve got you.” 

He didn’t grab Buck in a hug like he desperately wanted to. Instead, Eddie crouched so his face was on a level with Buck where he could be seen. “You’re safe, Buck. No one’s going to hurt you now,” he murmured. 

It took time, but just as he had in the alleyway, Buck slowly lifted his head until his eyes latched onto Eddie’s. They looked so raw and open, shimmering with liquid that Eddie found himself swallowing away a lump that rose in his throat at the sight. 

Unspeaking, Buck stared at Eddie for a long moment before he winced and shifted uncomfortably, his face creasing in pain. 

“You’re in hospital,” Eddie repeated, slowly standing while keeping his eyes on Buck. “You should— do you want to— uh. It might hurt less if you lie down?” he finally said, unsure of himself. He knew that giving agency back to survivors of assault was important but he could see that Buck was in pain from the way he was sitting. 

“Stay?” If Eddie hadn’t been watching so closely he wouldn’t have heard the barely audible request. Buck had breathed the word out more than spoken it, a whisper in the quiet room.  

“Yes,” he said, reaching out a hand to support Buck when he gingerly began to lie back down on the hospital bed. He didn’t touch Buck though, unsure again, and so his hand ended up hovering near Buck’s shoulder as he leant back. But when Buck sucked in a rough gasp of pain and winced again, Eddie closed the distance, supporting Buck’s upper body until he was laying down on the bed fully. 

Seeing how Buck tried to curl in on himself, Eddie asked if he could have a blanket, then spread it over him when a nurse passed it to him. It was only then that some of the medical staff approached Buck and introduced themselves. When Buck didn’t react negatively to their presence, the doctors gently, carefully asked Buck for his permission to perform a genital examination. 

After a long moment, Buck nodded once. 

Thinking he should give Buck privacy, Eddie was about to step away when Buck’s hand snaked out from under the blanket and grabbed his. Eyes meeting, Eddie read the anxious look in Buck’s as he clutched Eddie’s hand, hard. 

“Do you want me to stay?” Eddie asked gently, and Buck nodded again, a sharp, jerky movement. Eddie returned the gesture more slowly, making sure Buck saw him, and saw when a sigh had Buck’s shoulder’s loosening from where they’d hunched tensely around his ears. 

Then, Buck was asked if he consented to having a rape kit done.

Again, there was no response for a long moment, and Eddie realized how quiet the room was. How quiet Buck was. He hadn’t spoken since his first cries after waking and his whispered request for Eddie to stay. It was unnatural, Buck’s silence, and unnerving, making the hairs on Eddie’s arms lift up all at once. 

With a rough inhalation, Buck’s agreement came in the form of another silent nod. His hand in Eddie’s was trembling, his shoulders slowly lifting around his ears again. It was only when he was told that verbal consent was required that he spoke. 

“Yes.” Buck’s voice was hoarse, quiet - but firm. There was determination in his tone, just as Eddie had heard countless times in the past. It was the sound of Buck setting his mind to a course of action. The look of resolution on Buck’s face was the same despite how his lower lip trembled. He had made his mind up and Eddie knew from past experience that he would follow through on his decision no matter what it cost. 

“I w-want them c-caught. I-I can’t leave them out there, where — where they might hurt someone else,” Buck said, his voice trembling. He looked up at Eddie as if asking if he’d done the right thing and Eddie nodded somberly, squeezing Buck’s hand to emphasize his pride at Buck’s decision. 

There followed one of the most heartbreaking experiences of Eddie’s life. It was also, conversely, one of the most… inspiring wasn’t the right word. He couldn’t think of one, but the way that Buck allowed doctors and nurses - complete strangers, to touch him in intimate places after what he’d just been through left Eddie in awe of just how strong his friend was. 

How caring he was, too. Instead of going through this for his own justice, Buck’s thoughts were for protecting other potential victims. As he had many times over the years they’d known each other, Eddie wished Buck would care more about himself too, though. And as he had many times before, he made a mental note to try and help Buck see that he was worth caring for too in this situation. Later, though. It wasn’t the time for that with everything else Buck was going through then.  

The doctors started with blood tests, explaining why they were needed and asking for Buck’s consent before drawing his blood. Then they moved onto Buck’s hands, photographing them before swabbing the lacerations on his palms. Buck twitched when the raw skin was cleaned with antiseptic after but made no sound. Scrapings were taken from under his fingernails, and for the first time Eddie noticed blood on several of them. Mute evidence that Buck had fought back. He hoped it would help convict the man who’d attacked him.

Before every step, Buck was asked for his consent. Every time, his whispered “Yes” was barely audible. His eyes often closed as he spoke but his answer never changed.  

With every soft answer Eddie felt like Buck was retreating into himself further and further. He didn’t have the heart to force him to be more present. Was surprised Buck hadn’t disassociated completely, frankly.  

When the time came for Buck’s face to be examined and photographed, Eddie had to move back to give them room to work. His eyes stayed locked onto Buck’s, who’s only acknowledgement of what was happening to him was to move as he was requested and consent to each step. Other than that, his eyes stared towards Eddie almost unblinkingly. They were clear again, the pinched creases of pain at their edges having eased after Buck had been given pain relief, though shadows were growing beneath them as the night wore on. 

The blue of Buck’s eyes contrasted starkly with the blood and bruising covering his face. It was a look not unfamiliar to Eddie, though the cause of past injuries had never been anything even remotely close to what Buck had just suffered. 

Thinking of what Buck had been through - of some man had forced on him, had Eddie yet again struggling to hide his rage. It didn’t matter what he felt. Buck needed him to be present, focused on Buck, not on the bastard who’d attacked him. Eddie took a deep, calming breath - and saw Buck do the same. An echo of times past when they’d each calmed the other down by exaggerating their breathing. It hadn’t been Eddie’s intention then but when he saw it helping Buck, he kept doing it.  

The examination continued. 

Buck compliantly opened his mouth when asked. Held it open as photos were taken. In the camera flash, Eddie saw dark bruising on the roof of his mouth, the tiny lacerations on both sides of his lips. When they finished taking swabs from inside and around his mouth, a nurse cleaned the blood and other fluids off his face. 

Even cleaner, he still didn’t look like Buck. It wasn’t just the injuries. Eddie had seen Buck hurt before. It was his silence, his pliancy in doing whatever he was asked. Like the fire that made Buck Buck had been doused and the person on the bed in the room with him was someone else entirely. 

This person… this person had been hurt in a way that Eddie had no experience with other than his training. Reading textbooks and listening to lectures had always seemed enough, when it was patients on calls. But when it was his friend … Eddie felt lost. He didn’t know what he could do to make it better for Buck. 

But he could be there for him, as Buck trembled and flinched against the gentle touches of medical staff. As Buck jerked away and clenched his eyes closed, pressing his face against Eddie’s hand in his own when he was asked to lie on his side, breath hitching in a muffled sob, Eddie stayed. It didn’t feel like enough. He felt utterly useless. But the whole time, Buck clutched his hand painfully tightly in one or sometimes both of his own while swabs were taken and his wounds tended. 

The clicking of the camera seemed endless. Unbearably loud against the background of hushed medical jargon and occasional instructions to Buck.  

Eddie kept his back turned away from the lower half of Buck’s body as best he could, focusing on Buck’s face as he murmured words of reassurance and encouragement throughout the process. He pressed his other hand onto Buck’s shoulder lightly, trying to comfort him without hurting him, mindful of the bruises littering his body.

Finally, they were finished. 

Buck slumped onto the bed, curled on his side, as his eyes fluttered shut. He didn’t respond as one of the nurses explained that he’d be transferred to another private room on a ward. Didn’t move when Eddie draped two fresh, warmed blankets over him, tucking one around his bare feet so no drafts would sneak underneath and chill him.  

Distantly, Eddie wondered how well he would have handled a rape kit and knew that even if he’d reported it, he would never have allowed someone to touch him afterwards. Buck was a stronger man than him. The questions he’d refused to allow himself to consider resurfaced and Eddie found himself almost shaking with the need to know, but he didn’t want to overwhelm Buck. He knew that Buck would have enough questions asked of him when the police came to take his statement. 

Transfer to the private room complete, Eddie had just moved a chair to sit beside Buck’s bed when the other man shifted uncomfortably. Bleak eyes showed the emotional hurt that painkillers could do nothing for when they met Eddie’s before Buck turned his head and stared up at the ceiling silently. 

The questions that had been churning through Eddie’s mind ever since he’d answered Buck’s phone call hadn’t left, but again, what he needed wasn’t important. What Buck needed was. So Eddie sat quietly, waiting to give Buck whatever he needed. 

Not knowing what to do had him lost. He hoped that Buck would ask for something, anything. A drink of water. Another blanket. He wanted something he could do for Buck. Then Eddie realized he wanted that because it would make him feel better and felt horribly selfish. 

Time passed. The room stayed quiet, broken only by the soft sounds of their breathing, and once, the vibration of Eddie’s phone. Marisol had messaged, saying she’d left his keys at the hospital’s reception desk and telling him where she’d parked his truck. Beyond the room, nurses chatted quietly as they attended to other patients. Otherwise, the hospital was hushed. 

It was late, and Eddie assumed most patients in the ward were asleep beneath the dimmed lights. The peacefulness felt strange after the adrenalin charged fury that had filled Eddie for what felt like days and as the last of it left him, he felt the familiar heaviness of exhaustion flood his body. Unwelcome, the need for sleep tugged at him, his eyes drooping without volition as his chin dropped down onto his chest above his folded arms. 

“It was a date.” 

The words were quiet, Buck’s voice whisper-soft in the silent room, but they pulled Eddie from his light doze easily. He was scrubbing his hands across his face to wake himself when Buck continued. 

“When you and Marisol ran into me and Tommy, we were on a date.”  

“Really?” Eddie’s mind belatedly caught up with the meaning of what Buck had said and he blinked, asking the question before he thought about what he was saying. 

“Mm-hmm,” Buck hummed. He was lying very still, watching Eddie with a guarded expression. 

“Wait, Tommy's gay?” Again, Eddie spoke before thinking, stunned by the knowledge. He thought he’d gotten to know the other man fairly well, with everything they had in common. To find out he didn’t know him as well as he’d thought made him uneasy, and he wondered what else he didn’t know about their new friend.   

“Yeah,” Buck replied, a pained sigh easing from his lips as he shifted on the bed. 

“So you two were…” Eddie felt like he was late for an exam in an advanced class the subject of which he knew nothing about, unprepared and floundering as his mouth kept blurting out words like a fool. If Tommy was gay, and Buck had gone on a date with him then… Buck was gay too? Or something else, maybe? Eddie didn’t know a lot of this stuff, but he knew there were a lot of… options. Choices? Labels? Shit, he didn’t even know the right words to use. 

He wasn’t surprised though, not really. He’d seen dozens of people of all genders hit on Buck over the years - and had seen Buck flirt back with a lot of them. Women and men. Buck had such an open heart and was so loving, it made sense that that would apply to his sex life, too. 

Buck seemed to see something that reassured him in Eddie’s responses though, as for the first time the side of his mouth lifted in something resembling a smile, if something so bitterly twisted could be said to be a smile. Like he knew Eddie was fumbling and it was amusing him. Perhaps even briefly distracting him from his trauma, Eddie hoped.  

“We were on a date. Yes,” he told Eddie steadily, making it clear for him, holding Eddie’s eyes with his own.  

“Okay.” Eddie nodded, meeting Buck’s eyes easily as he understood what Buck was telling him.

Buck was coming out to him.   

“Is that weird?” The nervous uncertainty in Buck’s voice jolted Eddie, spurring him to reassure Buck immediately. 

“No. Absolutely not,” Eddie said at once, making sure he didn’t break eye contact so Buck would see he meant what he was saying. “I mean, I like him, too. I mean, not the same way as you, evidently.”  

Buck looked away and snorted. Was that a laugh? A tight feeling in Eddie’s chest eased at the idea of Buck sounding something like himself again rather than the pained person that had endured the rape kit. “This doesn't change a thing between us. Okay?” he asked, catching Buck’s eyes when they flicked up to meet his again. 

“Good. That's a relief,” Buck said softly, dropping his head back against the pillow as his expression changed to something darker. “Although, I guess it doesn't really matter anyway 'cause, uh, we’re done.”

“What? Why ?” Eddie was angry at Tommy all of a sudden. He’d dumped Buck? Buck was a great guy. Tommy was lucky to have the chance to date Buck - and he’d just thrown that away?   

“I… I got scared when you showed up and made an idiot of myself.” Buck was looking up at the ceiling again, avoiding Eddie’s eyes. There was a look of self-blame on his face that Eddie had seen before, more times than he’d ever wanted. 

“It was my first date with a guy, you know. And I fucked it up, Eddie,” Buck muttered, his jaw quivering. “Telling you we were gonna go pick up chicks. I upset Tommy.”

A flash of memory. Maddie, saying she upset Doug, blaming herself for his actions. The look on Buck’s face, when he later told Eddie just how badly Doug used to beat her up - and what else he thought the man had done. His voice had been hushed in the hospital waiting room where they sat, waiting to be allowed to visit Chimney as he recovered from being stabbed. God. Had Tommy? No. Surely not. Tommy was a nice guy. He wouldn’t hurt Buck. Eddie liked him. Buck liked him. Chimney had known him for years—

Doug had fooled Chimney, though. 

Doubt slithered into Eddie’s mind and he swallowed uneasily. How well did they actually know Tommy? It had only been a few weeks, really. He didn’t want to think that he’d misjudged someone so badly - but Buck was in the hospital, hurt. Violated. Eddie had missed that Tommy was gay. What else had he missed? 

Protectiveness joined the doubt and confusion until Eddie mentally shook himself. He had to make sure Buck knew that whatever had happened between them, it wasn’t on him. Had to make sure Buck understood that completely.   

“That wasn’t your fault, Evan,” Eddie reached for Buck’s hand— 

And Buck lurched back from him in a sudden, violent movement, sucking a jagged, rough breath before crying out, “Don’t!”

His arms and legs flailed as he shoved himself up the bed - away from Eddie, who stared in open mouthed shock at Buck’s scared reaction. Buck hadn’t reacted to his touch like that before, not even when the medical staff were doing the rape kit or treating his injuries. 

“Don’t call me that! That’s what—” Buck didn’t finish as he panted, chest heaving until he gasped, arms folding across his chest as he curled up as much as he could. It had to hurt, with all his injuries, but Buck didn’t stop until he had his face tucked into his folded arms and was mostly turned away from Eddie. His shoulders were shaking, trembling with fear. 

Eddie’s mind supplied the rest of what Buck had been going to say. 

‘That’s what Tommy calls me.’

Tommy, who calls Buck ‘Evan’ when no one else does. Well, almost no one. Maddie does, sometimes. And Eddie had, one other time. When he’d needed to impress on Buck that he was worth something. When he’d tried to tell him just what he meant to Eddie - when he told Buck what he’d done, making him Christopher’s guardian in his will. 

No one else called Buck that - except Tommy. 

“Okay! Okay, I won’t call you that,” Eddie reassured him, holding his hands up so they were visible and slowly sitting back into his chair from where he’d half stood, instinctively reaching after Buck’s panicked movements. 

“Buck… where was Tommy?”

He didn’t want to think Tommy was capable of this kind of thing, but anyone could be predators and liars regardless of their sexuality and even the worst kind of person would have people who believed the best of them. Doug had. He’d been a successful, well respected surgeon, able to fool hundreds of people, after all. 

A hitched sniffle sounded from within Buck’s protective curl. “H-he left me there.” Eddie heard a pained, rough swallow. “He s-said I was a-d-dorable, but I wasn’t r-ready. L-like I wasn’t w-worth it.” Buck’s shoulders heaved as he took a shuddering breath. His head lifted, one hand swiping at the tears rolling down his cheeks while avoiding Eddie’s eyes. Eddie watched, fury roiling inside. 

Tommy had done this to Buck.

Tommy had taken what he wanted and had left Buck there, discarded. Hurt - violated. 

Tommy had hurt Buck.  

The anger Eddie had been trying to control surged and he clenched his jaw, teeth grinding against each other as his hands curled into fists. Buck saw, and shied away from him again . He felt terrible at once and tried to control his expression, berating himself bitterly. Buck didn’t need an angry man in front of him, he needed his friend. What Eddie was thinking didn’t matter.  

“You,” Eddie practically hissed through his still clenched teeth, “are worth everything , E- Buck.”

He knew that Buck had a problem with self worth, but Eddie had thought the other man was doing better in that regard. At least, with him and Christopher. Now Tommy had destroyed the progress Buck had made as easily as he’d violated his body - and with as little care or concern. 

Eddie wanted to murder him. 

No reply came from the other man and Eddie swore to himself. With one act, Tommy had shredded all the progress Buck had worked so hard for over the years Eddie had known him. 

Then, “I just want to go to sleep,” Buck mumbled, sinking back in the bed before he curled onto his side - away from Eddie. His shoulders slumped, tiredness easily evident. Eddie had already heard the doctor approve Buck going to sleep if he could, even with the concussion, and he knew Buck must have been exhausted after the attack and the stress he’d been through by having to have the rape kit done after. 

Swallowing heavily, Eddie said, “Okay. Go to sleep, Buck,” soothingly. “I’ll wake you when the detectives get here for your statement.” His scowl remained on his face but it wasn’t angry anymore, it was determined. He was going to make sure Tommy paid for what he’d done.  

“Mm-hmm,” Buck hummed quietly, letting out a long exhale as his body relaxed. Eddie pulled the blanket up over him again and Buck mumbled something incoherently, almost asleep already.  

If he could, Eddie would guard Buck’s mind against the nightmares he was sure to have, too. Since he couldn’t, Eddie would have to do the best he could instead. He would watch over Buck as he slept, guarding his body as he hadn’t been able to earlier that evening. 

The knowledge of what Buck had been subjected to when Eddie had been sitting enjoying himself, laughing with Marisol maybe a dozen feet away, made him sick. 

He’d failed his best friend when he needed him most. 

He wouldn’t fail him again. 

Chapter Text

Guilt mixed with anger had Eddie almost vibrating with how hard he was trying to hold his emotions in and stay quiet so that Buck could get whatever sleep he might be able to manage. 

As a result, he came close to punching a wall when Athena showed up with the detectives arriving in response to the hospital’s report. He was gonna catch hell for what he was about to do, but he couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment. 

“Get out,” Eddie hissed at Athena, jabbing his hand angrily at the door.

“Eddie—”

“Get. Out.” He didn’t raise his voice because he didn’t want Buck to wake up with Athena in his room. “He doesn’t know you were coming, he didn’t ask for you.” 

One of the detectives nodded in agreement, “This is a delicate situation, Sergeant Grant. Until Mr Buckley wakes up and decides who he wants to tell what to, you shouldn’t be here.” The detective shook her head, “In fact you should recuse yourself as you know the victim.”

Athena sucked in a sharp breath and then nodded shortly. “I’ll wait down the hall.” She tore her gaze away from Buck in the hospital bed and stared at Eddie with stern eyes. “Tell him I’m here, that I only know because I was assigned to the case before we knew his name. Tell him I’d like to see him, if he’s up to it.”

Eddie softened slightly knowing then that he wouldn’t have a fight on his hands, and nodded once. “I will. Athena - don’t tell anyone. Not unless Buck says you can.”

Her jaw clenched as she stared at him. Eddie wasn’t asking. He knew what he was saying, what he was telling her to do. He would stop her by any means necessary if he had to, to prevent her from telling Bobby about this without Buck’s permission. He didn’t care that the man was her husband or their captain. It was Buck’s privacy he was protecting. 

Moments passed before Athena nodded brusquely. She left the room silently, lingering outside the door for a moment before striding away. Eddie asked the detectives' names and asked them to wait outside, then turned his attention back to the man on the bed. He went around the other side of it, not wanting to scare Buck by waking him from behind and gently rested his hand on his bicep. Touching him but very carefully not grabbing or shaking him. 

“Buck,” Eddie didn't whisper but his voice was soft. “Buck, it’s time to wake up.”

Buck groaned as he woke, shifting in bed before his one good eye snapped open as he gasped, “No!” and threw his hands up in front of his face before Eddie could say or do anything more. 

“Hey, hey it’s okay, it’s just me, you’re safe, I’ve got you,” Eddie kept up the string of reassurances until Buck woke fully and fell back limply against the bed. 

“Sorry,” he sighed, shaking his head slowly back and forth while his chest heaved from his panicked breaths.  

“It’s alright, you don't need to apologize, Buck. I get it.” Eddie understood the trauma / fear reaction after waking well enough. He understood a lot more than that, too but like he had for so long, refused to think about it. 

Once Buck had calmed back down, Eddie told him the police had come to take his statement. He called the detectives into the room once Buck gave his permission and introduced them. He also did his best to soften the knowledge that Athena had shown up, and that she was still there, waiting to see if Buck would let her see him. Buck, though, didn’t seem upset about that. He went still when Eddie told him, and looked down at the blanket his fingers were fiddling with. 

“Eddie…” he sounded hesitant and Eddie hummed encouragingly. “I. Can. It.” He couldn’t seem to get the words out and Eddie’s heart ached for him. 

“Hey, whatever it is, it’s alright. I’m not gonna be upset. What do you need?”

Buck didn’t look at him when he finally asked in a small voice, “Can Athena sit with me when I give my statement?”

It hurt. Of course it hurt. Eddie steeled himself though because none of this was about him and if Buck wanted Athena with him instead of Eddie, then that’s what he was going to get. 

“Of course, Buck,” Eddie ducked his head down a little so he could catch Buck’s gaze, “Hey. It’s alright. The only thing I care about right now is your comfort, okay?”

“Okay.” Buck sniffed and finally lifted his head. “Thank you, Eddie.”

He shouldn’t be thanking Eddie for anything. Shouldn’t be in a position where he felt he had to. Repressing the bitterness the idea created, Eddie stretched, giving his left foot a little wiggle to get some blood flowing where it was tingling, and said, “How about I go by your place and pick up some sweats and your hoodie while you talk to the detectives? The doctors said they wanted you to stay overnight, you should have something comfortable to wear. We could ask Athena if she can stay with you until I make it back?”

Buck nodded slowly as if considering, then, “Yeah. Okay.” His voice was as quiet as it had been all evening, though still rough. It would likely remain like that until the injuries his throat and mouth had suffered healed. Eddie hid his clenched fist from Buck’s line of sight, already knowing where he was going to go and what he was going to do. 

He was almost at the door when Buck spoke again. “Eddie. Thank you for coming. For helping me.” 

Eddie turned, sadness making a valiant effort to overcome his anger. He took a single step back towards Buck before stopping, not wanting to go closer with such rage filling him. 

“Always, Buck. Always.”

Then he left him there, hurt - but not alone. Athena would look after Buck nearly as well as Eddie could. He was in safe hands, which left Eddie free to do what he wanted to do since he’d first seen Buck lying on the ground in a dirty alleyway. 

At last, Eddie released his grip on the rage he’d been feeling and snarled as he ran for his truck. 

The time had come for vengeance. 

For Buck. 

Deep within Eddie, a much younger version of himself, long repressed, stirred uneasily. 

Eddie seethed the entire drive to Tommy’s house. 

It wasn’t that far from the hospital, relatively, which made sense, given Tommy had been the one to recommend the restaurant they had all been at tonight. It was local to him, of course he lived nearby. 

The lights were on in the living room, Eddie could see through the bay window, and took a few deep breaths to center himself. His rage was too big to contain, though. His best friend had just been beaten and raped. And Tommy fucking Kinard had either left Buck alone to be assaulted - or had done the assaulting himself. 

Eddie barely noticed how loud his truck door slammed shut behind him. He blinked, and found himself across the driveway and up the steps, pounding on the front door heavily with a fist, enough weight put into it that the front door shuddered under each blow. 

The door before him looked like Tommy’s one moment, and another the next. One he hadn’t seen in more than a dozen years. Dark timber paneling flickered to utilitarian military green and back again, almost indistinguishable in his mind. Eddie finally had a target for a hurt and an anger long pushed away, his fury exponentially larger and more dangerous now that Buck had been hurt the same way he had, once. 

His anger was always more potent and unstable when it was protective in nature. 

“Coming! Jesus, calm the fuck down! ” Tommy’s voice called through the house. His response wasn’t fast enough. 

Eddie lifted his leg as he’d been taught in the fire academy and kicked the door open, slamming it back against the wall inside with a loud bang before barreling into the house. Tommy was only a few feet inside, looking shocked. Giving him no time to react, Eddie swung a fist at his face savagely. The blow connected, a burst of vengeful satisfaction soaring through him that he hadn't known he'd been longing for. 

But it wasn’t enough. Eddie grabbed Tommy’s shirt and pushed him with his momentum until he had the larger man up against a wall. 

“You fucker!”

“Whoa! Eddie!” Tommy clutched his face, shaking his head, “What happened? What’s wrong?”

“He’s in the hospital!” Eddie shouted in Tommy’s face, unable to control himself, “How could you do that to him! ”

“Eddie—” Tommy frowned and Eddie growled, shaking the other man like a dog with a bone.

“Were you the one who hurt him?!” he snarled savagely, baring his teeth at the other man.  

Broad hands suddenly grabbed him back and he found himself in a clinch, Tommy wrestling for control. Eddie ripped himself out of the hold with another snarl and stepped back, his arms coming up, hands curling into fists. Tommy looked bewildered and spread his hands out, showing himself defenseless.

“Eddie, who are you talking about?” He sounded as confused as he looked, but he also had a dark undertone to his voice that set Eddie’s teeth on edge. 

“Buck!” he exclaimed fiercely, “You bastard, you left him —”

Tommy rolled his eyes and shook his head, further igniting Eddie’s fury, “We’d already finished. I could tell he wasn’t as into it as I was. Of course I Ieft.”

Something brittle inside Eddie snapped. Buck wasn’t as into it? Wasn’t as into being raped? Of course he fucking wasn’t!  Roaring inarticulately, he was on Tommy in seconds. He threw a couple hooks and an uppercut. Tommy blocked them, not letting anything through. 

Eddie was too angry to control the fight and Tommy gave just as good as he got, though he never struck first. Eddie found himself kicked away into the coffee table and it shattered under him. He rolled to his feet and came back at Tommy with a high kick. The force he put into it knocked Tommy back against the living room wall and a hanging picture frame bounced before falling, the glass shattering when it hit the floor. 

Eddie attacked again, swiping in with his elbows. Tommy knocked him away and he bounced off the back of the couch, sending it skittering back until it was stopped when it slammed into the wall. 

“Eddie,” Tommy grunted as he blocked several knee strikes, being driven backward. He hissed as he stepped through the glass on the floor, leaving behind bloody footprints, “What do you mean, Evan’s hurt?”

His use of the name that had made Buck react with such fear enraged Eddie even more. 

“He’s in the fucking hospital! ” Eddie hollered at Tommy, picking up a nearby lamp and throwing it across the room at the larger man, “You motherfucker!”

The explosion of the lamp shattering against the wall startled them both and Tommy stared at the broken pieces on the floor for a moment before looking back at Eddie. “What do you mean he’s in the hospital?” His voice dropped and he asked, “He was fine when I left. What happened?”

“HE WAS NOT FINE ,” Eddie growled, panting harshly as his chest heaved for air, his hands still up defensively. “He called me.” He pinned Tommy with a hot glare, “Did. You. Hurt. Him?”

“No,” Tommy emphasized the word, “I told him I didn’t think he was ready and took an uber home from the restaurant. I never touched him.”

He spread his hands as he spoke and Eddie blinked as he saw the state of them. They were unmarked. For the first time since he’d arrived at Tommy’s he looked at the other man. Really looked at him, with clear eyes instead of ones blinded by rage. 

The only injuries Tommy had were ones that Eddie had just given him. A darkening eye where Eddie had punched him. His knuckles were unmarked. He hadn’t punched Eddie back, had only defended himself and blocked Eddie’s strikes as best he could. Even the kick he’d sent Eddie’s way hadn’t been as powerful as Tommy was capable of, he belatedly realized. 

Buck had fought back. He’d had blood under his nails where he’d scratched his attacker. Tommy was wearing a t-shirt. He didn’t have any scratches on his arms or anywhere else, or splits on his knuckles from punching someone. 

He hadn’t punched Eddie - or Buck, either. Or done anything else to him other than leave him alone. 

All the fight drained out of Eddie and he collapsed to his knees, his hands laying limply at his sides. “Oh my god.” He squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head back, still panting. An empty hollowness filled him, pushing his still simmering rage to the back of his mind as he let the knowledge rock him. 

He’d been wrong. 

He shook his head slightly at himself. Tried to shake the echoes of the past from his mind, his emotions. It had no bearing here. This was about Buck, not him. The old, impotent rage that had been reawakened by Buck’s attack had nothing to do with anything. It hadn’t been Tommy. Not now - and not then, either. 

Eddie had fucked up, big time. 

He heard Tommy take a step forward then stop with a groan, cursing as Eddie opened his eyes to look. “Fuck.” He looked down and winced, Eddie’s eyes following his. “Fuck,” Tommy said again, “I have glass in my foot.”

Eddie was emotionally drained and physically tired, but he was able to admit his mistakes. “Shit. Tommy. I— I’m so sorry.” He hauled himself back to his feet, scrubbing his tears of anger off his cheeks as he looked around. “Wait just a second,” he told the other man and crossed the room, more glass crunching under his shoes, to grab a kitchen chair. 

He put it down behind Tommy and the pilot sunk into it gratefully, lifting his weight off his foot. Both men took a moment to look around the living room and Tommy harrumphed, “Well. You managed to fuck up my living room.”

“Yeah,” Eddie sighed apologetically, seeing the damage. “Where’s your first aid kit? I’ll clean your foot up.”

“In the bathroom under the sink,” Tommy pointed down the hallway vaguely. Before Eddie could take a step, Tommy grabbed his arm, “Tell me about Evan. You said he was hurt?”

Eddie pursed his lips and hesitated. “Yeah. He, uh. Got pretty badly beaten.” He refused to take away Buck’s agency and mention the rape part of the assault. “He called me after and I called 911. He’s been patched up, the doctor had him admitted for the night.”

“Eddie,” Tommy said Eddie’s name with a heaviness to it, “I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have left him alone if I knew he was in danger.”

Eddie felt rotten. How could he have thought Tommy would hurt Buck - would rape Buck? Tommy was a good guy. A great guy. He wasn’t anything like the commander had been, like Doug had been. He hadn’t fought back other than to defend himself against Eddie, and he could have. Not only was Tommy bigger than him, he was the better fighter, too. Their sparring match had shown Eddie that. If he’d wanted to, Tommy could have put Eddie on the ground without breaking a sweat. 

Eddie should have trusted his first impressions of the man rather than letting his rage mess with his judgment the way he had. He’d fucked up, big time, and had a lot to apologize for. He sighed remorsefully. 

“I know you wouldn’t, Tommy. I’m sorry I was so wrong.”

Tommy inclined his head, seemingly accepting Eddie’s apology. Would he accept it as easily, if he knew what Eddie had truly thought he’d done? Eddie wasn’t sure. And he wasn’t about to tell Tommy the truth of Buck’s attack, not without Buck’s permission.

He was doing that for Buck’s sake but it made him feel like a coward nevertheless, like he was using it as an excuse to protect himself. Buck was the one who needed protecting, not Eddie. He needed to stop thinking about himself and think only of Buck and what he needed. 

God, Eddie was a terrible friend. To Buck - and now to Tommy, too. 

In that moment, Eddie loathed himself.  

“You thought I hurt Evan,” Tommy spoke slowly as Eddie finished wrapping his foot. 

He’d been trying to work out why Eddie would think that, and could only come to one conclusion. “He was mugged outside the restaurant, wasn’t he - after I left him?”

Guilt began to burn within as he pictured it. Had the people responsible been watching from somewhere nearby, and had seen him leave Evan? If they’d gone on to see a movie like they’d planned, Evan wouldn’t have been hurt. It was Tommy’s fault this had happened. 

Shame and regret joined the guilt. He’d been where Evan was, not so long ago. Naïve and nervous and excited. Maybe not quite as silly as Evan had been, with his insistence that he was an ally, but that himbo vibe was part of what attracted him to Evan in the first place. 

Especially since Evan wasn’t stupid, in fact Tommy knew he was the opposite. Tommy had seen how smart Evan was several times, but he was utterly clueless about anything queer. Which made sense, once Tommy had arrived home and began to think about the night and about his reaction to what Evan had said when Eddie and his girlfriend had interrupted their date. 

When Evan had admitted that it was his first date with a man Tommy had been amused but not bothered. He’d assumed Evan was bisexual, that he’d leaned towards women before then. Whatever, who cared. He’d kissed Tommy back and had agreed to go on a date with him with a very cute, bashful smile that had had Tommy regretting that he had to leave for his shift. He would have preferred being able to stay and kiss that smile and see what else he could do to make Evan smile in other ways instead.   

Being made aware in such an awkward way that Evan wasn’t out had surprised Tommy, and he regretted that he’d fallen back on his old defensive habit of snark by making a pointed joke about being in the closet. It was only later, when he’d calmed down and had time to think about it, that Tommy had realized that his joke had been some sort of twisted attempt at making Evan out himself. 

And that had horrified him. Everyone should get to come out in their own time, on their own terms, to who they want. Yet there he was, pressuring Evan to come out before he was ready by making a joke about it. What the hell had he been thinking? Not only had it been in bad taste but it could have outed Evan to Eddie and Tommy felt terrible about that. That was not who he was. Something about Evan had him unsettled, rattling his good judgment and Tommy hadn’t yet worked out what it was. Luckily for Evan and for Tommy too, it seemed like Eddie hadn’t picked up his comment. 

Evan wasn’t out. Tommy could have rolled with that despite his initial reaction. But watching as Evan told Eddie they were going to pick up chicks later had made him panic in a bad way. He liked Eddie. Liked hanging out with him, watching fights, playing basketball and all the other stuff they’d been doing. The topic of sexuality hadn’t yet come up between them but when it did, Tommy didn’t want to have to hide who he was. Not again. 

He’d done that for years and the constant pretending had been so emotionally draining that he never wanted to do it again. Tommy wasn’t openly out but he wasn’t closeted either. He’d learned caution and so chose who he told carefully - and Eddie would be one of those people, when the time was right. But what Evan had said had made Tommy need to take a step back and fast. He wasn’t comfortable with going back in the closet again, not even for someone as cute as Evan. 

So he’d freaked out and done what his instincts were yelling at him to do and had gotten the hell out of there. And he’d done it badly, too. Made up some stupid reason about Evan not being ready instead of being honest. There’d been no need for it but Tommy had been too rattled to think clearly at the time. He’d spent the trip home panicking and it was only when he was on his couch, halfway through a tub of ice cream (peanut brittle, his go to for when he was upset) that he realized how horribly he’d acted towards Evan. 

Sweet, adorable baby queer Evan who he should have treated with grace and understanding instead of panicking and running away. Tommy was older, he was more mature and as he now knew, more experienced in being queer in general, too. He felt like he’d failed their community by not being more understanding of what Evan was going through. Being blindsided with it wasn’t an excuse. 

He’d definitely failed Evan. 

Not one to hide from his mistakes, Tommy sent Evan a text.  “I’m sorry for the way I ended things tonight. Can I call you and explain?” 

Evan hadn’t replied, and Tommy had thought that that was it. He’d ruined something he’d been excited about, had let down someone he’d been interested in, and it was over before it had even begun. Maybe he’d see Evan around sometime. Maybe he could at least try and be the support for him that he should have been, even if any shot at a relationship with Evan was gone. Tommy owed him that much as a fellow queer, at the very least. 

The memory of Even proudly proclaiming he was an ally made Tommy snort softly. Fuck, but the man was adorable. Hot, too. Regret filled him once again at the lost potential of what he and Evan could have had together, and Tommy shoved another full spoon of ice cream into his mouth to drown the feeling. He’d have to work out twice as hard the next day but that was for future Tommy to worry about. Present Tommy just wanted to eat all the ice cream he wanted as he attempted to replace the memory of Evan’s sweet lips with a different kind of sweetness. 

Now Eddie was telling him that Evan had been mugged, outside the restaurant, after Tommy had left him. 

Anger of his own began to grow at the thought of Evan, alone, trying to defend himself. The man was big, yes, and strong, appealingly so - but he was no fighter. Not like he and Eddie were. Evan was more like an loveable teddy bear that Tommy wanted to hold close any time they were near each other. The thought of him being attacked made Tommy feel sick.     

“That’s where he was attacked, yeah,” Eddie said in a dark, bitter tone.

He was still furious, Tommy saw, watching the other man cautiously. He thought Eddie was calmer now, but was he really? No, he decided, Eddie wasn’t calm. But Tommy wasn’t the target of his ire anymore. 

Eddie wasn’t the target of Tommy’s growing anger, either. 

Standing, Tommy carefully put weight on his foot, nodding to himself when he decided he could still walk on it. That was good. He needed to be mobile. Eddie stood as well, and found an empty bowl on the lounge room floor that he placed the broken glass he’d begun to pick up into. 

It had been full of ice cream not so long ago, Tommy’s pitiful attempt at comforting himself over his sadness, but he didn’t tell Eddie that. Eddie didn’t need to know that Tommy had been consoling himself over fucking things up with Evan. Even if he’d ruined his chance for good, Tommy wasn’t about to out him. 

Especially since it was Tommy’s mistake that had left Evan alone and vulnerable to attack. He’d been a fool, and now Evan was in hospital because of it. Guilt curdled the ice cream in his stomach, making it churn uneasily. Tommy limped into his kitchen and grabbed ice from his freezer, dumping it onto a clean tea towel before he twisted it closed and held it against his eye. 

“You’ve got a hell of a right hook,” he muttered, when Eddie brought the bowl of glass shards into the kitchen. 

Eddie looked at his rapidly blackening eye ruefully and said, “Sorry,” again. Tommy shrugged. 

“It’s okay. I get it,” he replied. And he did. They were still friends, despite what had just happened. Tommy was annoyed, sure, but he didn’t hold it against Eddie. He understood the urge to protect someone you care about. Even in the few weeks he’d known them both, it had been easy to see how much Eddie and Evan cared about each other. Tommy understood that too, the close bond formed when you work a dangerous job with someone. He’d had that in the army, and a shallower version in the LAFD, so even though he didn’t currently have a work partner as close as they were, he knew what it was like. 

But at the same time, they had only known each other a few weeks, Tommy and Evan, and Tommy and Eddie, too. Tommy still called Evan by his given name, despite never hearing anyone else call him that, because he’d reintroduced himself over the phone as Evan Buckley the first time he called Tommy. Evan had been given his number by Howie with Tommy’s permission, something that at the time he’d thought had meant nothing more than the man wanting a tour of his station. 

So, Tommy had called him Evan ever since. Evan hadn’t corrected him. In fact he smiled each time Tommy did it, an endearingly bashful smile that Tommy found irresistible. He’d hoped they might become friends, like he was becoming with Eddie. Hadn’t dared hope for anything more - until Evan’s odd behavior at the basketball game had spiked his interest. 

Well. Spiked it more than it already had been that night in the chopper, hearing Evan talking, making jokes with his team whilst being utterly determined to find their captain and his wife just like the rest of them. Watching him in action, rappelling up and down into the depths of the sinking cruise ship repeatedly to rescue those waiting below before disappearing with Eddie to search for Captain Nash and returning triumphantly, Tommy had been impressed. Very impressed - and turned on by Evan’s earnestness, his open love for his family, and by his competence, too. 

When going to Evan’s place to clear the air had ended with an unexpected kiss, Tommy had been quietly thrilled - and had had to leave almost immediately so that he didn’t jump the man’s bones right there and then. He wasn’t that kind of man but damn if he didn’t want to sweep Evan Buckley off his feet - and fuck him senseless against a wall. 

Finding out just how new Evan was to being bisexual on their date had only reinforced how little Tommy actually knew about him. At least, that’s what Tommy thought he was, anyway. Evan didn’t seem to use a label at all, apart from ‘ally’. He snorted softly at the memory. Evan would figure it out. He just needed time. Time that Tommy would give him, if Evan could forgive him for his reactions. 

Tommy blinked. Evan hadn’t responded to his text. He’d assumed it was because Evan wasn’t going to forgive him - but he’d been attacked right after Tommy had left. Might not have even seen the text and even if he had, later, Eddie said he was in hospital. A text from someone who’d just ended their date badly right before being attacked probably wasn’t the most pressing thing on Evan’s mind now, and nor did Tommy expect it to be. 

So perhaps there was still hope for him after all. Tommy wasn’t sure. Maybe Evan would blame him for being left alone. Tommy was certainly blaming himself and Eddie was, too. Evan didn’t seem like the type to hold a grudge, but again, they didn’t know each other that well. Not really. 

Not knowing very much about Evan applied to Eddie as well. The incandescent fury that Eddie had been in the grip of only moments ago had been disconcerting, and concerning. If Tommy said the wrong thing, would it set Eddie off again? Did he have a problem with rage that Tommy didn’t know about? 

Tommy decided he’d tread lightly, but not ditch Eddie. In the few moments since Eddie had confirmed the location, Tommy had formed a plan, and he wanted Eddie at his side should it go the way he hoped it would. The man was a hell of a fighter, after all, he had the black eye to prove it. Not many people were able to get past him like that. Tommy wanted that skill with him.

He had to be careful with what he said, too. Evan wasn’t out and Tommy sure as hell wasn’t going to out him, no matter what. Not even to his best friend - in fact, most especially not to his best friend.  

“We were there tonight because it’s good, just like I told you when I recommended it. I assume that’s why you and your girlfriend were there,” he started, going back into the lounge room. 

Eddie muttered a low “Yeah,” but didn’t look away from where he was now gathering the broken pieces of timber from Tommy’s coffee table. 

“The other reason we were there is because I know the owners,” Tommy continued, and Eddie’s head snapped around, their eyes meeting. Tommy inclined his, telling Eddie without words they were on the same page. 

“I think they’d let me look at their CCTV footage. They have cameras because patrons have been mugged outside in the past.” 

Eyes narrowing as his hands curled into fists, Eddie clenched his jaw before growling, “Let’s go.”  

Yep. He was still angry. It was colder now that Eddie didn’t have a target before him. Darker. Tommy suspected it would flare hot again should they be lucky enough to find who’d hurt Evan. The thought of him in hospital alone gave him pause. 

“What about Evan?” Tommy asked, even as he was scrambling for his shoes, wallet and keys. “Should I go—”

“Athena’s with him,” Eddie cut him off. “I’m going back there after this. If Athena okay’s it with Buck, I can take you then if you want. You probably shouldn’t drive with that foot.” He made an apologetic face that Tommy waved off. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Tommy said. “I get it. Really. Evan is… special. I understand your anger. What about Christopher, though?”

“He’s with my aunt for the night,” Eddie sighed. “Shit. He’s going to be devastated about what happened to Buck.” 

“I’m sure you’ll break it to him gently. You’re a good dad, Eddie,” Tommy said as he followed Eddie through the door, snatching up his makeshift ice pack before pulling the door closed. Or trying to, anyway. 

It wouldn’t stay closed. Frowning, Tommy saw that the strike plate had been torn completely from the door jam with the force of Eddie’s entry.    

“Dammit. You owe me a new lock, Diaz. Or maybe a new door,” Tommy muttered in resignation. He didn’t really care about that at the moment, though. A door was nothing compared to however Evan had been hurt.  

“Sorr—”

“It doesn’t matter. Let’s go,” Tommy interrupted, pulling the door closed as best he could. He wanted to hunt down whoever had hurt Evan, not fuck around with his door. 

“Your house, though,” Eddie said, hesitating. “Someone might break in.”

“Someone already did,” Tommy replied dryly, before sighing. “Look, I don’t care about that right now. I have insurance. Let’s go find out who did this to Evan.” He headed for Eddie’s truck, then paused when he saw how badly it had been parked. “Are you going to be able to drive safely? We can’t be there for Evan if you crash.” 

Rolling his eyes, Eddie scoffed. “I do not crash.”  

Tommy had his doubts but held his peace. Eddie had managed to get to his place, after all, and had been a hell of a lot madder then. 

They didn’t talk much during the drive. Tommy tried to get more information about Evan’s condition out of Eddie, but he wasn’t saying much. A concussion, maybe some cracked ribs, was all he said. Finally Tommy gave up asking, deciding it would be more prudent to stay quiet and let Eddie focus on driving. 

He hoped they’d find the mugger. As understanding as Tommy was trying to be about why Eddie had attacked him, the altercation had left him angry at being thought capable of hurting someone like that. 

Someone innocent, anyway. Tommy was fully capable of hurting anyone who deserved it. It wasn’t his preferred method of justice, but he was able to do what was needed when the situation called for it, his time in the military had taught him that. 

Unlike Eddie, he liked to have a clear target for his anger, one that he knew without a doubt was the right one. 

Once he found that target though, there was gonna be hell to pay. Tommy was going to make damn sure of that. For Evan. 

And maybe, a little bit for himself too. A way of working out some of the guilt he was feeling, for leaving Evan alone to be mugged. 

But mostly, for Evan. 

Chapter Text

It didn’t take much to convince Antonio Miceli, the owner of the Italian restaurant they’d all eaten at earlier that night, to show them his camera footage. Tommy had put out a kitchen fire for him years ago, the first time he’d eaten there, and they’d become friends. Antonio and his wife had even named their second son after him and made Tommy his godparent. Little Tomaso was nearly two years old now. Evan would like the child, Tommy thought. He seemed to like all children, it was just one of the many things Tommy liked about him. 

“We haven’t had an incident in months, Tommy. I’m so sorry this happened to your friend,” Antonio said before he pulled up the footage for them. “I heard the sirens but when no one came inside I hoped it was nothing serious. And he was another firefighter like you, you said? Bastardi . I hope they get locked away for life.” 

“You’ll probably get a visit from the LAPD tomorrow wanting this footage,” Eddie said. Antonio  nodded, murmured that he would prepare a copy for them, then left them to watch in private, still muttering curses in Italian as he went. 

The image was small on the laptop, so Tommy enlarged it, then hit play. From the angle, the camera must sit above the door of the restaurant, pointing down the sidewalk in one direction. Checking the time stamp, he fast forwarded until the time he and Evan had left the restaurant, then hit play again. 

Silently, he and Eddie watched the Tommy and Evan onscreen talk before a car pulled up and Tommy got in alone. 

Eddie sighed morosely. “Tommy, I’m so sorry I thought you—”

“Eddie, we’ve been over this. I get it and we’re fine,” Tommy said, then, “ Fuck .” On the screen, Evan had walked off - in the opposite direction from where the camera was facing. 

“Do they have another camera?” Eddie asked worriedly, and Tommy nodded, trying to figure out how to change to another video. They had several cameras, he knew, having been the one who’d helped Antonio decide what system he should get. Chimney had given him some advice about it years ago, Tommy suddenly remembered. 

Perhaps now it would help someone they all cared about. 

He figured it out with absolutely no help from Eddie, who nearly shut the whole laptop down when he reached over Tommy’s hands and started pressing random keys. Smacking his hands away with an irritated snort through his nostrils, Tommy started another video from a camera pointing in the direction Evan had walked off in. 

Neither of them moved as it began to play. 

They watched in grim silence as two men appeared behind him, possibly coming from inside the restaurant judging by the direction they approached Evan from. Watched as they grabbed him by his upper arms, then dragged him around the corner into the alley nearby. 

“Two. Bastards,” Eddie hissed between clenched teeth. When Tommy glanced at him, his upper lip was curled back and he looked completely and utterly murderous. It had him wondering just how badly Evan must be hurt, for Eddie to be reacting like that. A bad feeling began growing in his chest. 

Minutes passed. The camera didn’t record audio, Tommy recalled discussing whether it would be useful or not with Antonio. They’d decided against it in the end, though he couldn’t remember why, now. 

Beside him, Eddie was so tense he may as well have been made of iron. His back was ramrod straight in a textbook parade rest stance. It was marred by the taut arms folded across his chest and the heavy scowl on his face that would have earned him latrine duty for a month had he looked like that during active military duty. 

Movement flickered on the screen, drawing Tommy’s eyes back to it, and he saw the same two men emerge from the darkness of the alley. 

They were both pulling their pants up. 

Then they did their flies up. 

Looked back down the alley, the one whose face he could see grinning. 

And Tommy knew . He knew exactly what had happened. 

It wasn’t just a mugging.

Evan had been raped. 

Bile rose in his throat at the realization and he had to swallow it away before it broke free. Not Evan . Sweet, baby bi Evan who still called himself an ally, he was so new and so naively clueless about being queer. 

Not Evan, who Tommy was absolutely sure had never kissed another man other than him, let alone done anything else with one. His first time should have been loving and tender, an exploration of everything that was new to him in his own time, on his own terms. 

Not like that . Not being forced by not one but two men, violently and against his will. Tommy didn’t have to see the act to know that’s how it had been. Eddie had told him enough about Evan’s injuries for him to know it wasn’t in any way consensual and even if he hadn’t, Tommy knew Evan, at least a little. Having sex with strangers right after Tommy had left him wasn’t Evan’s style at all. 

The knowledge that Evan’s right to have a loving experience as his first time with a man had been stolen made Tommy see red. He snarled as his fingernails cut into his palms, hot pinpricks of sensation that did nothing to calm him and everything to make him even angrier and abruptly he understood Eddie’s rage. 

His own anger, simmering from the moment Eddie had told him of the attack, was building rapidly into something far stronger, fuelled in no small part by his own guilt. Tommy glared at the men on the screen, memorizing their appearance and clothes so that he could recognize them again. One wore a Patriots jersey with the name ‘Brady’ and a ‘12’ easily visible on the back. Of course the asshole was a fan of another asshole. The other one wore a Lucic jersey and yeah, that tracked too. At least it made them easily recognizable.   

Despite his growing wrath, Tommy’s thoughts never strayed far from Evan. How traumatized was he? Evan was kind. Gentle, and loving, despite his size and strength. Was he going to be able to get through this, or would it break him? Tommy didn’t know his past, didn’t know if Evan was resilient or not. He had to be, to a degree, to be a firefighter. Had to know how to cope with trauma for that - but the trauma of losing civilians or even the risk to your own life or to those on your team was not the same as the trauma Evan had just gone through. 

The thought of this changing the bright, open, cheerful man that Tommy had been falling for before he fucked it all up into something wounded, something timid, something not-Evan made Tommy want to hurt someone very, very badly. Two someone’s, specifically. 

Even consumed by dark thoughts as Tommy was though, he understood why Eddie hadn’t told him the truth. It was an issue of Evan’s privacy, and being a first responder too, Tommy knew how important that was in situations like this. Then he realized. Eddie knew the truth of Evan’s injuries, the truth of his attack. And he’d gone after Tommy . 

“You thought I did that to him?” Tommy’s hands curled into fists as he snarled the words darkly. Eddie thinking Tommy had beaten Evan up was one thing, as bad as that was. But for him to have thought he’d raped Evan? “ Why? ” 

Reaching out with a shaking hand, Eddie paused the video but didn’t meet Tommy’s eyes. “Buck told me it was a date—”

“And what, you immediately thought I raped him - what, because I’m gay?” Tommy hissed, aware that there was a restaurant full of people outside the door. “ Jesus Christ , Eddie, I thought we were friends. I thought you knew me - but if you think I could do something like that—” 

Hurt and betrayal had Tommy’s heart aching for more than just Evan. He thought he’d finally made some new friends, people he liked. People like him, people who understood him. He couldn’t even finish the sentence. 

“I fucked up, okay?” Eddie finally looked at him, his eyes full of remorse. “He told me it was a date and that you dumped him and the way he said it - look,” he dragged his hand through his hair, sighing. 

“There’s a lot you don’t know about Buck’s past that’s not for me to tell. It— sometimes people seem nice but they’re not, they’re really not but they’re really good at fooling everyone. I didn’t want to think you’d do that but it’s Buck . I— shit , Tommy. It’s Buck, ” he repeated, spreading his hands out helplessly. “I called him Evan and he reacted like I was going to hurt him. And you’re the only one who calls him Evan. It had nothing to do with you being gay.”

Watching Eddie struggle to explain himself, it was clear just how much he cared for Evan. Tommy had known that already, of course, it had been obvious right from the first time he met them both. The way they bantered as he flew them out in search of Captain Nash, the fondness in how they spoke to each other then and every time he saw them after that night only reinforced to him how close they were to each other. 

But that didn’t excuse Eddie’s blame on Tommy, nor did whatever had happened in the past that Eddie wasn’t telling him. “So you thought I did it. Did you ask him?” Tommy asked, hurt still feeding his anger. 

Eddie’s shoulders slumped as he shook his head. “He’s hurt and not just physically. I had to watch him have a rape kit done, Tommy,” he said beseechingly. “I didn’t want to make him relive what he’s been through again after having to go through that by interrogating him. I took the few things he said and…” his words trailed off as Eddie looked down. 

“And decided it was me,” Tommy said bitterly.  

“Yes.” Eddie looked up as he answered, into Tommy’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Tommy. I let my anger get the better of me. I’ve had problems like this before. I thought I was past it but,” he shrugged resignedly. “I guess I’m not. I’m sorry I blamed you. Please— please don’t let my actions change things between you and Buck. This was my fault, not his. He never said it was you.”  

“I would never let someone else’s actions change the way I think about a friend of mine,” Tommy said bluntly, a small part of him enjoying the way Eddie flinched at his words. He didn’t tell Eddie his apology was accepted. Wasn’t sure he could. Instead, he turned back to the laptop and started the video playing again. 

His hurt and Eddie’s mistake weren’t as important as finding the men who’d attacked Evan. 

Still on screen, the men - the rapists , Tommy labeled with an internal growl, high-fived each other before turning and walking off down the street. Before they reached the end of the camera’s range, they went into a barely visible door. It was a bar, Tommy knew. He’d been to it himself. 

Eddie made no move to leave or stop the recording. Neither did Tommy. They saw Eddie and his girlfriend, Tommy couldn’t remember her name, racing down the sidewalk, both on their phones. They vanished down the alley just like Evan and the men had - then the girlfriend reappeared, looking nervously behind her. She stood there, head turning to look down the street then back down the alley, speaking into her phone. 

Again, Eddie and Tommy waited, and watched. The need to do something was burning under Tommy’s skin, but he knew he had to wait. Had to see the end of this part of Evan’s story for himself. 

An ambulance arrived, parking on the street where the back doors were just in view. Paramedics emerged and removed the gurney, met by the girlfriend who was fluttering her hands towards the alley urgently. They disappeared down it, just like Evan and then Eddie had. The girlfriend stayed where she was. 

It felt like an eternity but surely wasn’t long before the paramedics returned with Evan on the gurney, Eddie close beside him. As Evan was being loaded into the back of the ambulance, Tommy caught a clear look at his face. 

He was unconscious. 

Tommy couldn’t reconcile the vibrant man he knew with the limp form on the screen before him. It didn’t look like Evan at all, but like a victim on a call they’d been sent to assist. His face was bruised and bloody, the battered nature of it easily visible despite the somewhat grainy black and white picture. 

Evan’s face should be clear, the easy, open smile on it that made Tommy grin in response every time he saw it. Not like that , beaten, bruised and utterly unaware of being carefully lifted into an ambulance. Never that. 

He barely noticed the onscreen Eddie pass something to his girlfriend. Barely noticed him climb into the ambulance just before the doors were shut by the driver. Barely even noticed it drive off, out of the picture. 

Tommy’s mind was filled with the heart breaking glimpse he’d had of Evan’s face. He couldn’t see anything else. 

He came back to the present with a start when Eddie reached forward and clicked until he had the video fast forwarding, his eyes intent on the screen still. 

“What?” Tommy wasn’t sure why Eddie was still watching. They’d seen the men, well enough to identify them. Shouldn’t they be calling the police? 

“They haven’t left,” Eddie muttered darkly. 

And Tommy realized what he was doing. His eyes flew to the barely visible door of the bar in the now flickering image, and he began watching as avidly as Eddie was. As Eddie had been, the entire time, he belatedly worked out. Eddie hadn’t needed to see Evan being loaded into the ambulance. He’d been there. 

He’d been watching the door the whole time. 

The playback slowed abruptly as it caught up to their present time and they looked at each other. In an instant they wordlessly agreed on what they were going to do, the anger between them put aside in favor of revenge. 

“Thanks Antonio!” Tommy shouted as they raced for the door. 

“Make sure the cops get that footage!” Eddie added. 

Outside, Tommy turned towards the bar - only for Eddie to grab his arm and pull him the opposite direction, back down the street towards where his truck was parked. 

“Eddie, it’s that way,” Tommy said, yanking his arm away easily. 

“I know,” Eddie said curtly. “We could see it on the camera.” He didn’t stop moving the other way. 

What the hell was he doing? “Then why—”

“We could see it on the camera, Tommy,” Eddie repeated, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. “So will the police when they get that footage. I’m going to make those guys pay for what they did to Buck, but I’d prefer not to be identified if I can avoid it. We’ll drive away and circle the block. The bar will have a fire exit at the back, it has to or it would never have passed its fire safety inspections. We’ll go in that way.” 

“And if it’s locked? We both know that happens despite it being illegal,” Tommy said. Eddie just looked at him, and Tommy remembered the state of his own door. Right. Eddie hadn’t let something as simple as a locked door stop him yet. 

His formidableness was both terrifying and sexy as hell. 

The thought felt wrong, though, given what Evan had suffered and was still suffering through in hospital. Besides, Eddie was straight and even if he wasn’t, Tommy still had hope that Evan might forgive him for his mistakes and give him a second chance.

Or he had. Given what had just happened to him, Evan might never want to look at any man in that way ever again. 

Well. If that was how he felt, Tommy could both understand and accept that even as he would privately mourn what might have been. He still wanted to be there for Evan, he was going to need support after this. And as much as Tommy wanted to beat the living shit out of the guys responsible, he also wanted to get it done as quickly as possible so he could get to Evan and offer him whatever comfort he would accept. 

Tommy wasn’t so inexperienced as to think Evan would want physical comfort from him after what he’d been through. But he could be there as a friend, and if nothing else, as a bodyguard to hopefully help him feel safe. 

He would stand guard outside Evan’s hospital room all night if it would help him feel even a tiny bit better. 

Evan’s rapists were still in the bar. 

Sitting at a round table in the middle of the room, watching a game on the large screen tv high on the wall. Two men, one with the distinctive navy Patriots jersey and the other with the same Kings jersey they’d seen in the footage. One of them had scratches on his forearms. Tommy scanned the rest of the room quickly and saw that no one else there was wearing anything even remotely similar.  

“What’s the pla—” 

He was too slow. Eddie was already striding through the short hallway they’d found themselves in after going through the fire exit out into the bar proper (it had been propped open, entirely against safety regulations but at least it meant their entry went unnoticed). His face was the same expressionless mask it had been when he’d broken down Tommy’s door. Tommy hadn’t understood why, then. He did now. 

“Hey, you son of a bitch!” 

The incensed shout drew the attention of everyone in the bar. Tommy, a few feet behind Eddie, saw heads swivel and eyes turn. Before them, the man furthest away began to stand in response. He’d barely made it to his feet before Eddie was in his face, swinging a hook into his eye that impacted with a dull, meaty thud that seemed loud in the sudden silence. It didn’t knock the man off his feet but he staggered back, holding his face. 

Behind Eddie, the other man surged to his feet, his chair falling over and moved towards him. He didn’t even get close before Tommy was there, yanking him away from Eddie’s defenseless back by his collar. Not one to hit a man from behind, Tommy spun the guy and punched him hard in the guts, grinning with satisfaction at the sound of his breath whooshing from him as he collapsed onto his knees. 

“What the hell?” The first guy yelled irately, bringing his own fists up as he glared at Eddie. 

Who didn’t answer, just surged forward again and began hammering blows at the man. Just like he had against Tommy, Eddie fought with his anger controlling him rather than finesse, his face full of rage. It didn’t make his punches any less powerful. He rained punches down on the man, switching targets from his face to his abdomen at need as his opponent futilely tried to protect himself. 

Fully aware of what these men had done, Tommy not only understood Eddie’s fury but felt it himself and was having trouble hanging onto his own control. His guy had managed to stagger to his feet and, disinclined to let him close, Tommy lashed out with a foot in a Muay Thai move he’d perfected years ago, kicking him hard in the same place he’d just punched. Instead of going down again, the man fell backwards, crashing bodily onto another table. Bottles went flying and glass shattered as it collapsed, yells of anger from those sitting around it erupting and adding to the noise. 

“Stay down, asshole,” Tommy advised in a fierce growl. 

There was another crash and Tommy spared a glance to see that Eddie’s target had fallen against a table as well, with similar results. People from both destroyed tables were rising to their feet and curling their fists, yelling insults at Eddie and Tommy furiously. 

That was… less than ideal. Tommy wasn’t too worried about their chances. He and Eddie had sparred together, he was confident they could both handle themselves. But he had no desire to fight civilians for no reason. 

“I’m calling the cops!” the girl behind the bar shouted, holding up a phone. 

“Good!” Eddie yelled back and what happened to not being identified, Tommy wondered. They hadn’t discussed an exit strategy, he belatedly realized. There was no time to worry about that though, as the guy Eddie was fighting took advantage of his distraction and punched him squarely in the eye. Eddie barely even paused before throwing himself on the man, a feral snarl on his face that was far more terrifying than how he’d looked when he was fighting Tommy. 

His silence was equally unnerving. He didn’t bother with insults, or an explanation of why he was beating the crap out of the guy. No, Eddie’s rage had settled from hot and wild to cold and calculating as he began striking strategically for maximum pain. Tommy saw him land blow after blow in vulnerable—

Movement in the corner of his eye was all the warning Tommy had and he instinctively blocked, a pained, “Fuck! ” flying from his lips as burning pain seared its way up his forearm. He’d looked away too long. 

Tommy wasn’t a brawler. He was used to the rules and structure of competition fighting where when you go down you stay down, match over. But his opponent hadn’t stayed down while Tommy was watching Eddie. The bastard had snatched up a broken bottle and slashed his outer forearm open from elbow to wrist. 

“You fucker!” Tommy shouted, punching him solidly in the face and baring his teeth in satisfaction when he felt the man’s nose break. He kicked him again for good measure, no longer caring about niceties such as not kicking an opponent when they’re down. This guy had raped Evan, he didn’t deserve any mercy. 

Someone bumped into Tommy’s back and he jerked around, very nearly punching Eddie before he recognized him. He’d backed up and Tommy saw why - several other patrons were advancing on him aggressively, blocking his attack on the man he’d been punching. A quick look in front of him showed the same thing happening on Tommy’s side. They were surrounded.

Tommy muttered, “This might cost us our jobs, you know,” towards Eddie as they stood back to back, both with fists raised. The blood dripping down Tommy’s arm was a hot reminder not to lower his guard again. 

Sidestepping quickly until they stood beside each other, still facing opposite directions, Eddie looked Tommy dead in the eye and said, “Who cares?” in a low, bitter voice before his eyes flicked back to the crowd around them and back. His face was still full of vengeful fury and he looked like he could easily take the whole pub on himself before his rage burned out. 

The words he’d spoken though. They were Evan’s motto, from the crazy ass chopper rescue the night he’d met them. Tommy hadn’t lost himself entirely to his own anger at what had happened to Evan - but when Eddie said those words he was reminded of Evan’s bright joy when they’d rescued Captain Nash and his wife, his love for them so easy to see. Tommy thought of Evan’s wide eyes and bashful smile after Tommy had kissed him. And the knowledge of what those two men had taken from him made Tommy want to fight until he couldn’t anymore. He wanted to scream and roar and rage at the theft of Evan’s innocence - and he wanted to make those responsible pay. 

Grinning savagely, his expression at odds with an incongruously warm feeling from Eddie including him in the 118’s new motto, Tommy nodded once, sharply, then turned and prepared to fight.

“LAPD!” 

“Stand down, LAPD!” 

Not many people were standing by the time the police arrived. Eddie and Tommy had both kept trying to get to the men they were truly after, and had repeatedly been thwarted by other patrons who’d been drawn into the fight. So they’d fought them, too, though not as savagely, until they could reach their targets again. 

“Get off him!” Tommy saw a police officer haul Eddie backwards off the man he’d been sitting on top of as he methodically punched his torso, seemingly intent on breaking every single one of the man’s ribs. Flailing, Eddie nearly punched the officer before seeing the uniform. He immediately threw his hands up in the air, going still. 

For his part, Tommy had his guy on the ground in an arm bar, both his legs across his torso keeping him pinned. Not that his guy was resisting much anymore, though the way Tommy was pushing his calf against the man’s throat somewhat harder than was necessary might have something to do with that. Multiple hard strikes to his dick and balls hadn’t been necessary to subdue him either, but Tommy had taken a particularly vengeful interest in that area. A rapist didn’t deserve anything less. 

“Let him go!” Another police officer ordered him and Tommy reluctantly did. 

“Those two are the ones who started this,” the bar girl called, still keeping clear as she pointed at Tommy and Eddie. “There was no provocation, they just came in and started beating my customers up!” Other patrons called out their agreement with her. 

“Get on your knees,” they were both ordered, and they did, moving carefully. For his part, Tommy moved slowly from both caution at angering the police officers, and from pain. He’d suffered injuries of his own during the fight, especially when they were outnumbered for a while, but Tommy didn’t care. His blood was still up, zinging with satisfaction at the retaliation they’d dealt Evan’s attackers, but his mind was beginning to clear. 

“We had cause,” Eddie said loudly. Eyes snapped to him from all around them. “Those two men are rapists.” 

The groans and mutterings from those who’d joined the fight went silent.  

“Check the CCTV footage from Miceli’s Italian restaurant just down the block and ask for the incident report for the ambulance called there tonight,” Tommy added. “Those two men are clearly identifiable in the footage.”  

Almost as one, the other patrons stepped away from the two rapists, looks of horror and disgust on their faces. 

Nodding at them bitterly, Eddie continued. “Their victim is in hospital in serious condition. A police report has already been made and a rape kit done. The DNA will match those two. You need to arrest them.”

“We’ll be arresting everyone involved in this fight and charging you all with drunk and disorderly conduct,” the senior officer responded. “Including you two. Hands behind your backs.” 

There was no other option. With a resigned look at each other, Tommy, then Eddie, placed their hands behind their backs. 

Other officers worked their way through the crowd, separating the initial four from the rest of the group - and from each other, too. Tommy noticed that Eddie hadn’t taken his eyes off the rapists from where they were placed on one side of the room. His focus stayed trained on them, fury still burning in his eyes. He looked like he was trying to ignite them on the spot with it. Tommy kind of wished he could. 

More officers had been called, and an ambulance too, when the extent of both rapists' injuries had been discovered.

Eddie didn’t mention that he had medical training. Neither did Tommy. Those men wouldn’t be getting any help from either of them.   

“Kinard?” His name was called by the captain as firefighters entered through the front door and Tommy sighed. Of course it was the 217 that had been called. It was their jurisdiction after all. “How badly are you hurt?” 

“I’m okay, Captain Johnson,” Tommy said, nodding his head towards their opponents. “Those guys are hurt worse. Be careful though. They’re rapist assholes.” 

His previous captain’s face grew dark at the information and she looked more closely at Tommy, lifting an eyebrow in an unspoken question. She’d been one of the few people Tommy had come out to before he transferred to Harbour. He shook his head. “Not me. Someone we know.” 

“Right.” She spun and called her paramedics over, giving them swift instructions and sending them towards the men. Before they left, she turned back towards Tommy and Eddie. “Is your friend a firefighter too?” 

“Yeah,” Eddie said, sounding weary. He didn’t offer any more information. 

They sat, mostly ignored, while the paramedics worked on the other two men. Police officers accompanied them to the ambulance - then one of the paramedics returned with Captain Johnson. 

“Sergeant, these two men are known firefighters. My paramedic is going to check them over, see if they need medical attention too,” she told the officer in charge. “Please uncuff them so he may examine them.” Her tone left no room for argument. 

Tommy was spitefully pleased that the rapists hadn’t been uncuffed for their treatment despite being injured far worse.

They sat quietly as they were assessed and treated. Tommy knew it was best that they be compliant and assumed Eddie did too. They’d got what they came for. The hot desire for vengeance was fading, leaving only exhaustion and aching stings from his various bruises and cuts. 

“Both men require stitches,” the paramedic announced as he finished applying butterfly dressings to Eddie’s cheek. He’d done the same to Eddie’s bleeding knuckles, split in multiple places from the force of his blows. Tommy’s cut arm had been bandaged first and he’d been obediently applying pressure ever since as instructed. 

“Do they need an ambulance?” the sergeant asked. 

“No,” the answer was accompanied with an apologetic look at Tommy, who shrugged to show he understood that there was nothing his old coworker could do. He knew the protocol, and again presumed that Eddie did too. They’d be taken to a hospital in a police cruiser, since they were now in police custody and required non-urgent medical treatment. 

Then they’d be taken to jail. 

The last vestiges of the bright, hot joy that beating the men who’d hurt Evan to a pulp had created vanished, replaced by a dull numbness. Tommy hoped they’d get out of this with their jobs. He’d never been arrested before, but he remembered reading that the LAFD refused employment to those with criminal convictions when he’d applied to the academy years ago. 

He didn’t regret what they’d done. A quick glance sideways gave him the impression that Eddie didn’t either. At least he’d still have his pilot license if he got fired. He wondered what Eddie would do. 

What Tommy did regret was that they wouldn’t be able to see Evan like they’d planned. Not that Evan would be expecting Tommy, but he was probably expecting Eddie to return. He found that he wasn’t angry at Eddie for his assumption about Tommy anymore, though it still hurt that Eddie had thought that of him, however briefly. It would take time for Tommy to work out what it meant for their friendship. 

They didn’t speak as they were taken out of the bar and placed into the back of a police cruiser. Didn’t speak on the drive to the hospital. Didn’t speak until the large, brightly lit building came into sight and Eddie sucked in a breath as he stared out the car window at their destination. 

“Buck’s in this hospital,” Eddie muttered in response to the nudge of Tommy’s knee. 

Which made sense, he supposed. It was the closest one to the scene of the crime - theirs, and the one that had started it all, the attack on Buck. But that meant—

“This is the hospital that the rapist's victim was taken to,” Eddie announced loudly, projecting his voice towards the front of the vehicle. “Tell dispatch those men need to be taken to another.” 

Staring at him, Tommy was more than a little impressed with his gall, ordering LAPD officers around while wearing handcuffs, under arrest. It was like he had no fucks to give when it came to Evan’s safety. Tommy was glad Evan had someone like that looking out for him. 

“Please,” Tommy added when neither officer made a move towards the radio. “Their victim, h- they’re a first responder too.” 

He’d noticed that Eddie hadn’t identified Evan to anyone and assumed it was to protect him, the same way he hadn’t told Tommy the true nature of the attack. So Tommy followed his lead and didn’t name Evan. The officers could find out his identity easily enough if they wanted to, it would be on official records. It wouldn’t be Tommy who told them - but if they knew he was a first responder, they might be more inclined to help protect him. He was one of their own, after all. 

After a beat of silence, the officer in the passenger seat lifted the radio and tersely instructed dispatch to change the destination of the 217’s ambulance, citing “Protocol” without any further explanation when it was asked for. 

The rest of the night passed in a blur. They were seen fast at the hospital, ushered into a different area to the usual ED, and stitched up quickly, each with a police officer watching them. The one minding Tommy looked bored, which he supposed was fair. He was doing all he could to appear non-threatening and was behaving compliantly and the last he’d seen of Eddie before they were separated, the other man was doing the same. Professional courtesy towards fellow first responders likely had a lot to do with how they were being treated, too. 

At the police station, they were charged with disorderly conduct but not with intoxication, since they both blew a zero on the breathalyzer. They were also not charged with assault - because the men they’d fought weren’t pressing charges and neither were any of the rest of the patrons. 

Tommy leant back against the concrete wall of the jail cell after they were told the news, tiredness making itself known. He still wasn’t sure that they’d have a job once they were released, but at least they weren’t being charged with everything they could have been.

“I called Athena to bail us out,” Eddie said, seemingly speaking to the bars across the room in front of them. He’d barely spoken to Tommy since they’d been arrested, or looked at him. “She’s with Buck but she’ll get here when she can.” 

Oh. “That’s good.” Knowing that Evan wasn’t alone eased one of his worries. Tommy had liked what he’d seen of Captain Nash’s wife, as little as it had been. Eddie and Evan had both told him about her, only good things. He was glad Captain Nash had found someone solid. It seemed like he’d needed that, the short time that Tommy had worked under him at the 118. “Thanks.” 

“Least I can do,” Eddie muttered, “considering I got you into this. You could have charged me with assault yourself, you know. I wouldn’t contest it.” 

“I’m glad you got me into it, Eddie,” Tommy said seriously, turning to face the other man. “We found those bastards a lot faster than the LAPD could have because we worked together. Evan will get justice for what they did to him - and he might not have, if we’d done nothing. You know how the system works just as well as I do. I don’t have any regrets at all about what I did, even if it costs me my job.” 

Eddie looked back at him just as somberly before nodding once, then said, “I don’t either. I’d do it all again if I had to. Except the part where I blamed you. I wasn’t thinking, Tommy. I know you wouldn’t do something like that but it was like I just…” He sighed, and shrugged. “Buck’s been through a lot, and thinking that someone we liked and trusted had hurt him like that… it made me lose control. I’m so sorry.” 

“You care about him a lot,” Tommy observed and Eddie nodded. “I do too. I don’t have the bond with Evan that you do, and now - whatever chance we could have had for something might have been ruined, after tonight. Evan probably won’t want me anywhere near him after the way I left him alone to be attacked. But I still care about him. I understand the urge to protect and defend him.”  

“He won’t blame you for that,” Eddie said quietly. “If anything, he’ll blame himself. It’s what Buck does.” His voice dropped at the end, sounding deeply resigned. “He never sees how special he is.” 

“But we do,” Tommy replied, his heart aching with sadness as he wondered why Evan would think like that. What had his life been like— had he been hurt before? Eddie had said something earlier, in the restaurant before the fight. Something about people seeming to be nice and weren’t but were good at fooling everyone. Had he been talking about Evan’s past - or his own?

It was probable that Evan had been hurt before. He may not know how, or by who, but certainty settled into Tommy’s veins as he resolved that he wouldn’t be someone else who hurt Evan, ever. 

Evan loved Eddie. Not the same way that Tommy had dared to hope he and Evan might come to feel about each other, someday in the future. A different kind of love - and Eddie loved him the same way. If Tommy wanted to be there for Evan, if he wanted any part of Evan’s life, whether as a romantic partner or as a friend, there couldn’t be any issues between him and Eddie. It would hurt Evan, if there was. 

“We do.” Eddie’s quiet agreement confirmed that Tommy’s decision was the right one. 

“I’ll be honest, Eddie,” Tommy said, turning sideways so he could prop one foot up on top of Eddie’s thigh. 

“What?” He raised his own eyebrows in response to the one that Eddie had lifted at his action. “My foot is sore, man. I wonder why?” and stared at Eddie pointedly until the other man rolled his eyes and huffed back at him. 

A second later Eddie shrugged ruefully at him. “Sorry, Tommy. Again.” 

“I know,” Tommy said, lifting his own shoulder. “It hurt that you thought I could do something like that, Eddie. It hurt a lot. But I can see how you feel about Evan. I feel the same way, well no, I like him in a very different way than you—” 

Eddie snorted, a smile flickering over his lips. Tommy paused, wondering if he was going to say something, then continued when he didn’t. 

“What I’m trying to say is I care about him too. So, I’m going to forgive you, for Evan’s sake. He’s going to need all the support he can get, and I’d like to be part of that support, if he’ll let me. I don’t know if he’ll want to keep dating me - and I’ll accept if he doesn’t,” Tommy said, though his heart sank at the idea. “Either way, I want to be there for him. And I won’t have any bad blood between us hurting him. So. I forgive you, Eddie. Friends?” 

He held his right hand out towards the other man sitting beside him on the uncomfortable jail cell bench, watching him steadily. Eddie didn’t hesitate before taking it firmly in his own hand and shaking it up and down once, then twice. 

“Friends,” he repeated before swallowing heavily. He was looking at Tommy strangely, something like awe, or maybe approval in his eyes. “You’re a good man, Tommy. I’m glad Buck will have someone else he can trust by his side. Thank you.” 

Feeling like he’d just passed some sort of test, Tommy didn’t bother saying anything and just inclined his head before dropping it back against the wall of the cell and closing his eyes again. His foot was still on Eddie’s leg but he didn’t move it, simply lent sideways against the wall. He was tired, and if he could manage to get any sleep it would make the hours before he’d be able to see Evan pass all that much sooner. Tommy was well experienced with sleeping in almost any situation, between his military service and work with the LAFD. A jail cell was nothing compared to some of the places he’d slept. 

With matters settled between Eddie and him, Tommy breathed in through his nostrils, out again, and was asleep before his next breath. 

Evan’s blue eyes were the last thing he saw in his mind. They drew Tommy into sleep guilelessly and he let them, wanting to see no one else. 

Chapter Text

“For the love of god on high, preserve me from the stupidity of fools.” 

The words, muttered in a low, frustrated voice, woke Buck from the light doze he’d drifted into and he blinked, confused for a moment. Then he remembered where he was - and why. A groan escaped his mouth when he shifted, trying to relieve his hip that had gone numb from where he’d been curled on his side for several hours. 

“Buck? Honey, you are alright, do you need more pain relief?” 

“I’m okay, ‘Thena,” he replied, clearing his throat to relieve the rough, swollen feeling inside. 

“There’s water on the table beside you, I’ll fill you a cup,” Athena said and Buck let her, because he was thirsty, and he knew all too well the need to do something to help someone when there was really nothing you could do. If fussing over him helped Athena feel better he’d let her do it. It was easier than telling her to go away and leave him alone like he wanted to, anyway. That would just make her worry more, like Maddie had after his coma. 

A deeper groan left his lips as the thought of his sister led Buck into thinking of what she’d be like after this and by extension, what everyone else would be like too. 

“They’re never going to leave me alone after this,” Buck muttered aloud without meaning to. The thought depressed him rather than making him feel better. 

“You don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to, Buck,” Athena gently repeated what she’d told him after he’d finished giving his statement to the other officers the night before as she handed him the cup of water. 

“I know.” He sighed. “I’m just so tired. I want to go home, to my own shower and bed.” 

Along with pain relief, antibiotics and other medications throughout the night, the nurses had given Buck something to help him sleep, so he’d managed to get some sleep after using the hospital’s shower. It had helped, washing off his blood and what his attackers had left on and in him, but he knew he wouldn’t feel properly clean for a long time, if ever. He’d wanted another shower almost immediately. His skin crawled just thinking about his attack and Buck trembled, pressing a hand over his suddenly racing heart to try and slow it. 

He breathed deeply through his nostrils, striving to calm his trembling, his fear. It’s over. I’m safe. I’m safe. 

Athena had told him that over and over, each time he woke despite the medication, gasping and panting with fear and disorientation. Her words were soft but firm, calmly reassuring him. He didn’t know if she’d slept at all - each time he woke, she’d been there, sitting quietly in her chair between him and the door. Guarding him, and when he was scared, comforting him like his own mother never had. 

The broken and disturbed sleep he’d managed to get didn’t help him feel rested at all. He rarely did, when he was in hospital, but this time was worse than any other. Buck’s body didn’t feel like his own anymore and he longed for something familiar to ground him. He’d been waiting for Eddie to return with his hoodie in the hope that that would help, but he still hadn’t come back. 

“Well Mr Buckley, you’ll be pleased to know that you’re being released,” the morning shift nurse, Jenna, announced as she entered his room after tapping on the door. “I’ll just do one more round of checks and go through your discharge paperwork with you. You’ll have to book follow up appointments for further STI tests at fourteen and twenty-eight days to start with, and—”

Buck zoned out. He knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t seem to help it. Between his tiredness and not wanting to think about the schedule of tests he’d have to undergo until he’d been cleared of any diseases or god forbid, they found something, he just couldn’t focus on what the nurse was saying at all.   

 “—Buck?” 

The way Athena was looking at him had Buck sure that she’d had to call his name more than once but he couldn’t find the strength to care much. He blinked at her owlishly. 

“S-sorry. What?” 

“I said, are you ready to go?” There was no judgment on Athena’s face, only gentle sympathy and kindness that had him blinking again, chasing moisture on his eyelashes away. 

“Eddie was coming back,” Buck said, suddenly nervous about leaving the hospital. What if the men who’d attacked him were outside? What if they found him again? Logically, he knew Athena was perfectly capable of protecting him, but his mind was shouting that she was tiny and small - She’s so small and Eddie’s not, Eddie’s big, I want Eddie I need Eddie—

“Buck, breathe!” Athena’s face was right in front of his abruptly and when had she even moved, she’d been at the foot of his bed and now she was right beside him, her hands clutching his as she stared into his eyes. “Breathe, Buck, you’re alright, you’re safe, come on honey, breathe with me, okay? In one two three four and out one two three four. Again. In one two three four and out one two three four. Good. Good, honey, you’re doing fine. Keep breathing for me now, alright?”  

“Eddie—” Buck managed to get out before obediently continuing the breathing pattern when Athena narrowed her eyes at him. 

“Eddie has been detained,” Athena said reluctantly. “Tommy, too. I’m taking you home - are you alright if we make a stop on the way?” 

“What?” God, Buck felt as if his mind wasn’t his own either. He couldn’t seem to think clearly and nothing was making any sense. “What do you mean, detained? Where do we need to stop?” 

“Let’s get you dressed and into my cruiser and I’ll tell you then,” Athena replied, stepping aside to show a nurse waiting with some clothes - and a wheelchair. 

Great.  

Buck didn’t bother complaining, long familiar with hospital protocol. Just struggled out of the hospital gown and into the overly large flannel patterned pajama pants and beige t-shirt, grateful that the nurses had managed to find anything that fit him at all. With his various injuries, too large was far more preferable than too small. Tight clothes were not going to be an option for him for a while, if ever. Quietly, Buck thought he might not be wearing his usual tight shirts or pants for a long time. The urge to hide in a comfortably large hoodie and soft sweatpants was strong. 

At least he’d been able to keep his good dress shoes that he’d been wearing for his date and didn’t have to leave barefoot. They were expensive and hard to find in his size and Buck didn’t know why he was even worrying about something so unimportant with everything else that had happened but for some reason having his own shoes was important to him. 

He didn’t say anything to Athena about it. 

He hadn’t said much to her at all, once he was done telling the police officers what had happened. They’d taken him through it several times, asking questions that he knew were designed to help him remember details he might have missed the first time around but always made him feel like they were judging him instead. 

Buck had tried to keep calm but he was hurting, and scared still, and so terribly tired. It was only Athena’s hand on his and her steady presence that had given him the strength to get through the lengthy interview at all. 

Seeing tears sliding silently down her cheeks when he described the worst of it pulled answering tears from his own eyes and Buck had scrubbed them away, unaccountably angry at his burning eyes. He didn’t want to cry about what had happened. He wanted to make sure the men who did it never did it to anyone else ever again. That was why he’d put himself through having to have a rape kit done, for fucks sake. Not because it was fun. He was pretty sure he’d zoned out for most of it but what he did remember was Eddie’s steady, solid presence holding him together when he’d needed it. 

Buck hadn’t wanted him to go, but he hadn’t wanted Eddie to hear exactly what had happened, either. He’d seen the results and Buck knew he wouldn’t judge Buck for anything but something had still stopped him from wanting Eddie there while he gave his statement. 

He hadn’t told the police officers he’d been on a date with Tommy. He knew how that would color their view of what had happened. Buck might be new to dating men but he knew what the stereotypes were. Even with how progressive LA was, there were always those who would believe them. Who believed that men who dated men were weak, or slept around and had a lot of sex with a lot of people. 

And Buck’s past as a player wasn’t a secret. What if the police found out about that and decided he must have asked for it? That because he was on a date with a man that automatically meant he wanted sex with one? They wouldn’t even be wrong, because he had thought about it - but with Tommy , not with two men against his will. 

So he hadn’t told them it was a date, and he hadn’t told Athena, either. It wasn’t how he wanted to come out, even though he’d told Eddie. How could he not, it was Eddie , and Buck couldn’t stand feeling like he was lying to his best friend anymore. He knew Eddie wouldn’t think any of those things about him.

As for everyone else, Buck still hadn’t worked out what he was going to tell them, about the attack, or about being on a date with Tommy. He knew he shouldn’t be ashamed and consenting to the rape kit and examination and talking to the police had been part of him trying to show that he wasn’t.  

But part of him, deep inside, was ashamed. 

He was a big, strong guy. A firefighter, for fucks sake. He could carry people out of buildings, regularly lifted more than most people weighed and was at peak fitness. Yet he’d been beaten and forced against his will as easily as someone without his strength. 

What would they all think of him, when they knew he was dating a man after being straight for his entire life and then they found out he’d been raped by two men? What would Bobby think? And Chimney? Maddie and Hen might understand, it was different for women and Buck hated that it was but it was , but he was worried about what the men he knew would think about him after this. 

Would they think he’d asked for it, like he had with Doctor Welles? 

Except he hadn’t, really. 

He hadn’t asked for that at all. She’d just… done it, and he’d let her. 

For the first time, Buck wondered. Was that rape too? 

He wasn’t sure. It hadn’t been violent. Everyone had laughed, when he’d told them about it at work. Buck the sex addict, having sex with his therapist. He’d laughed too. But it had always made him feel uneasy when he thought about it. Make his skin crawl and itch until he could get to a shower and feel clean again. 

Hadn’t wanted to go to therapy again after that for a long, long time, and even when he’d finally decided he needed to, he’d used the convenient excuse of a worldwide pandemic to have online sessions. Online sessions that he’d continued well after the pandemic was over and he could have been having face to face sessions instead, but he didn’t. 

That said something that Buck hadn’t been ready or perhaps able to face before, didn’t it?

“Are you back with me now, Buckaroo?” Athena’s voice pulled Buck from his reverie and he tilted his head to look up at her as she pushed the wheelchair for him. He could have done it for himself but she’d started without waiting for him and he’d just let her. 

“I need to call my therapist,” he said inanely. Athena just hummed encouragingly and nodded, looking proud as they arrived at her police car. 

Buck didn’t think he’d done anything worthy of her pride but couldn’t find it in himself to say that. He had no fight left in him for anything anymore. He settled himself gingerly into the front seat of Athena’s cruiser, feeling guilty about taking her away from her shift despite her assurances that she didn’t mind. 

“I don’t know where my phone is,” Buck realized as they were leaving the hospital parking lot. “Or my wallet and keys.” 

Shit. Did his attackers have them? Do they have my keys? Do they know where I live? 

Buck’s heart began to race and breathing felt suddenly impossible. “Athena, my keys - my wallet, do they— where are they? Those men, what if—” 

“Buck! Buck breathe , honey,” Athena ordered, one hand leaving the steering wheel to reach for him in a swift gesture. “No personal effects were found at the scene. But those men won’t be able to find you, do you hear me? They were caught - they’re in jail. I need you to breathe, Buck, just like we did before, can you do that for me?” 

“They’re— in— jail?” Buck gasped out, sucking in air in huge breaths between each word that were nothing like the slow calm ones they’d done together before. “ How? ” 

“That’s what I wanted to tell you,” Athena said. “Eddie called me just before you woke up earlier. He and Tommy were arrested for beating up the men who attacked you. That’s why Eddie didn’t come back to the hospital, he’s in jail. They both are. I have to go and bail them out now, if you’re up to a short stop on the way home. If you’re not, they can wait until later, they’re not going anywhere,” she ended in a dark mutter. 

“Wait, is it Eddie and Tommy who are in jail, or the men who attacked me?” Buck was having trouble following. 

“Both. All of them,” Athena said, her tone an odd mix of satisfaction and annoyance. “I don’t know all the details, Eddie wasn’t allowed to speak for very long. But it seems like the pair of them found the men who hurt you and took matters into their own hands.” 

“Tommy knows what happened?” Buck wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He hadn’t really thought about the man much at all, other than deciding not to mention their date to Athena or the police officers. Mostly because he wasn’t ready to come out and didn’t want it to change what people thought about him but also because what was the point when he’d messed it up anyway. “Tommy and Eddie found them? How?” 

“I don’t know,” Athena repeated, huffing in frustration at her lack of knowledge, Buck hoped, rather than at him. “We can find out together, if you feel up to it. Or I can take you home. I’m not sure I want to leave you alone, though, to be honest.” 

“I’m fine,” Buck muttered automatically, then sighed, recognizing the lie for what it was the moment he said it. “Let’s go get them. But, Athena—” something occurred to him that had him needing to consciously control his breathing again . “They wouldn’t have them in a cell together, would they? Eddie and Tommy and those… men. I don’t want, I can’t, if they’re there—”

“They would have separated them,” Athena assured him at once. “How about I give you my personal car keys though, and you wait in my car. You can lock yourself in if you want. I have to return the cruiser to the lot anyway. I’ll go inside and fetch our fools and bring them out to you, then we’ll all go wherever you want to go. I can drop them off somewhere if you don’t want them coming home with you.” 

“Okay. Yeah. That’s good. That’s— yeah. Okay. I can do that,” Buck said, aware he was rambling but his mouth was taking its cues from his thoughts, scattered and disjointed and all over the place. He saw Athena glance at him from the corner of her eye but she didn’t say anything about it.  

“Do you want anything to eat before we get there?” was her only response. 

The thought of food had nausea surging up Buck’s throat and he shook his head jerkily, clamping his lips together. He had to take a few breaths through his nostrils before he was able to whisper a quiet, “No, thank you,” because Maddie had taught him to always be polite no matter what. 

Again, there was a side eye but again, Athena said nothing. 

Waiting in her personal car in the station lot was the first time Buck had been properly alone for longer than a few minutes since Eddie had found him. He lasted less than thirty seconds before he had to lock himself in just like Athena had suggested. He knew she’d told him the men who’d hurt him were locked up - but what if they were the wrong guys? Buck couldn’t figure out how Eddie and Tommy had found them and worried that they’d made a mistake and accused the wrong men. Which would mean the men who’d attacked him could still be out there.  

Logically, Buck knew the odds of him being attacked again were slim, especially in the parking lot of a police station, even if they had caught the wrong guys.  

Logic didn’t stand a chance against his fear, though. 

He couldn’t decide whether he wanted to hunch down and hide as low as he could get, or stay up and be able to keep an eye on his surroundings. Couldn’t find a comfortable position either, between the way his ass ached like it had been punched inside repeatedly, his cracked ribs and sore guts and back from where he’d been kicked and beaten. His head was pounding, too, both his face and the back of his skull and all in all Buck was just done. He was scared and tired and in a lot of pain and all round miserable and just really wanted to go home. 

But Eddie and Tommy had fought for him. Had been arrested for him. The idea that they would do something like that for him was kind of stunning to Buck. Eddie, he could sort of understand. He would do the same thing for Eddie, no questions asked. There wasn’t a lot he wouldn’t do for Eddie, really. 

Tommy, though. Sure, he was a nice guy, a really nice guy, someone Buck had briefly dared to hope he might have something with, but why would he go out and fight someone for him ? They barely knew each other. 

Maybe that was why. Because Tommy didn’t really know him, didn’t know he wasn’t worth it. Eddie must have asked him for help and of course Tommy would help Eddie, they were friends after all. Had gotten to know each other far better than Tommy and Buck had had time to do. 

Having decided that that was the reason for Tommy’s actions, Buck sat and waited. Outside the car, it was a bright sunny day, typical of LA. The sort of day that usually had Buck grinning cheerfully, bolstering his mood for the day ahead. 

He felt no desire to smile no matter how much the sun shone, now. 

Movement caught his eye across the lot and he saw Athena striding quickly towards him, followed by Eddie and Tommy a few feet behind her. Sudden anxiety had Buck’s heart beating faster and a chill lifting the hairs on his arms. What would they think when they saw him? Would they treat him any different? Buck didn’t think he could stand to be treated like something broken, even if that’s how he felt. He just wanted everyone to be normal around him. 

They drew closer and he saw the state of Eddie and Tommy’s faces. Both had black eyes in nearly identical places on their left eyes. They were almost at the car when he saw that Eddie had a bruised and swollen split lip as well, a bandage on his right hand, and Tommy’s right arm was bandaged from his wrist to his elbow. 

Buck stared at them through the passenger side window, surprise at their injuries and sudden concern for how Chris would react to his father’s appearance robbing him of the ability to think. They came to a halt a few feet away and stared back, wearing similar looks of worry and concern on their faces. No one spoke for long seconds until a quiet tap on the other side of the car pulled Buck from his stare. He jerked around with a hiss of pain and saw Athena looking in through the drivers side window, eyebrow raised. 

“Can you let us in, Buckaroo?” 

And oh, right. He’d locked the doors. Sending her an apologetic look, Buck pressed the unlock button on the key fob he’d been clutching the whole time, belatedly realizing he’d been holding it so tightly that he had an impression of Athena’s keys imprinted on his palm. 

No one spoke while the three of them got themselves settled into the car, or while Athena reversed out of the spot and began driving away. Then Buck turned around carefully in his seat so he could look at the two in the back. 

“How are you feel—” Eddie started, and Buck cut him off, pinning Eddie with a glare first before he switched his stare to Tommy.  

“What did you do,” he said flatly, looking at Eddie once more. All the fear and doubt and pain he’d been feeling coalesced into anger as he looked again at their injuries. Injuries that were because of him . It wasn’t rational, Buck knew it wasn’t, but he was abruptly furious with them both. 

Several expressions flashed across Eddie’s face in swift succession. Guilt, sheepishness, then satisfaction and a mulish, stubborn look at the end that had him raising his chin and staring back at Buck challengingly. Tommy, for his part, seemed merely to be worried. He didn’t reply, instead looking at Eddie as well, apparently waiting for him to answer. 

“I made sure that the men who hurt you will see justice,” Eddie said, his chin jutting out. 

“We,” Tommy added before looking at Buck with an expression that was far too soft and caring for someone who surely had no patience left for Buck and his stupidity. Eddie nodded once in confirmation, looking quietly satisfied with his arms folded across his chest. Tommy kept looking at Buck with soft eyes. 

His anger drained away as quickly as it had appeared, leaving him blinking, feeling like he was struggling to keep his feet under him on ice. 

“They,” Athena interjected, “managed to hunt your attackers down and then proceeded to beat them so badly that both men are now in hospital and will be for quite some time.” 

“H-hospital? Not j-jail?” Buck asked, hating the way that thinking of those men made him feel cold and stammer in sudden fear. Athena glanced away from the road and reached out to place her hand over his, holding him firmly as he begged for an answer silently. She knew what he was scared of. He didn’t want to say it out loud in front of Eddie and Tommy.  

“Yes, but they’re under police guard and will remain that way until they’re well enough to be transferred to jail,” she told him. “And they definitely got the right guys. The officers on your case confirmed it. I don’t know how you two did it,” Athena added, glaring into her rear view mirror, “but you’re both damned lucky you aren’t facing more serious charges. You could lose your jobs, do you realize that? Your stupidity doesn’t surprise me one bit, Eddie Diaz, you’ve worked with that bunch of fools too long at the 118 for me to expect anything else, but you, Tommy? You’re an LAFD pilot ! I expected more professionalism from someone like you!” 

“I used to work at the 118.” Tommy’s quiet reply pulled a scowl from Athena that softened when she heard Buck’s muffled snort of laughter. His sudden shifts from anger to fear to amusement had his head spinning a bit but he didn’t care. It felt good to smile.  

“He did also steal a helicopter and fly it into a hurricane to save you and Bobby, Athena,” Buck pointed out, the small, mischievous grin that appeared on Tommy’s face at his words giving him hope that they might still be friends at least. Buck didn’t think he could handle anything more, at least not anytime soon, but it would be nice if he hadn’t ruined his friendship with Tommy.  

Tommy wouldn’t want anything more now anyway, even if Buck hadn’t fucked their date up. Not now that Buck was… what he was. 

“Excuse me! I did not steal a helicopter! I just facilitated Hen’s theft of one, that’s all,” Tommy said indignantly, though he was still smiling at Buck. “Her paperwork could have been legit for all I know!”  

“Of course he used to work at the 118. Lord save me ,” Athena muttered under her breath. From his seat beside her though, Buck saw her lips twitch. 

“Is this where we point out that your husband is captain of the 118?” Eddie asked faux-innocently, then ducked when Athena’s hand went flying between the seats and nearly backhanded him. He was lucky they weren’t stopped at a red light so she couldn’t turn and actually reach him. 

As much as he appreciated the way they were all trying so hard to keep things light, something Athena had said was worrying Buck. “Athena, are they really going to lose their jobs? I don’t want, that’s not right…” Buck trailed off, unsure how to explain how wrong that was. 

Another huff of disapproval came, then, “No, they’re not,” Athena answered in a resigned tone. “Not that they don’t deserve it, the fools. Disorderly charges get dropped by the DA ninety percent of the time. They’re more of a legal justification for police officers to remove public nuisances from a scene than anything else. Being first responders with no priors and given the reason for their actions, I don’t expect anything to come of it. And I will speak to your captains on your behalf, both of you, if you need me to. Without telling them who you were defending,” she added, tilting her head at Buck understandingly. 

“Thanks, ‘Thena,” he murmured, and heard similar comments from the men in the back seat. 

Buck still had a lot of questions but his head was throbbing and the various pains throughout his body were getting harder to ignore, especially with the way he was twisted around. With a soft sigh, he turned back to face the front and leant his head against his window, closing his eyes. He was almost asleep when Athena spoke quietly. 

“Buck, where do you want me to take you?” 

“Home, please ‘Thena,” he replied and let himself drift away. An unsettled sort of half-sleep pulled him into a muffled embrace, clutching at his consciousness possessively. Not truly asleep, Buck was still aware of the murmured conversation of the others in a distant way, but he didn’t try to listen or contribute. He knew none of them would mind. 

He finally felt like he could let go of the fear he’d been feeling all night. His friends would keep him safe. The rumbling of Athena’s car engine soothed him as it cradled him inside the vehicle, taking him towards home. 

It was a far kinder hold than the one he’d endured the night before beneath his attackers hands. 

Arriving at his home woke Buck from his stupor with the sounds of both rear doors of Athena’s car closing. He lifted his head from the window blearily and rubbed his eyes, wincing at the pain the movement awakened.  

“Thank you, Athena,” Buck said, turning to her. “For staying with me, and for everything. I’ll be okay now. Go home, get some sleep - and,” he paused, and swallowed, having made his decision. “You can tell Bobby what happened. It’s going to be kind of obvious between the black eyes and bandages,” he gestured at himself, then at Eddie, standing outside her window waiting. “And I think I’m going to need some time off work, anyway. Tell him I’ll call him tomorrow, please? I need a day to just…,” he shrugged and she nodded, understanding in her eyes. 

“Don’t tell anyone else, not yet. I’ll tell Maddie tomorrow and she can tell Chimney. You can tell Hen after that,” he added, knowing it was impossible to only tell some of them and not others. And between his injuries and Eddie’s face, everyone would know something had happened the first time they saw them anyway, even if Tommy wasn’t around with his own injuries too. 

Eddie and Athena hadn’t judged him for what had happened. Tommy didn’t seem to be, from what he could tell in the brief time they’d been in the car together. Maybe the others wouldn’t think it was his fault either, when they learned what had happened - and when Buck eventually came out to them. He’d never planned on keeping that a secret. Might just need a little time now, though, was all. 

“Alright. Buck…” Athena reached out a hand to cup his cheek and Buck closed his eyes, leaning into the touch briefly, letting her comfort him. “I’m proud of you,” she continued, and his eyes flew open in surprise. 

“You’ve been through something horrendous, a deeply traumatic violation and yet you took back your own agency and made sure the LAPD has the evidence they’ll need to lock those bastards away. That took strength and courage. We both know that it’s going to be hard to learn how to live with this experience but I believe that you can, because of your strength and courage.” She stared fiercely into his eyes as she spoke, her pride making them shine. 

Buck blinked tears away, then swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand when it wasn’t enough. “Thanks, ‘Thena,” he murmured, emotion making his throat thick. He didn’t know what else to say so he just quirked his lips in something resembling a smile of sorts before turning away and opening his car door. 

Outside, Tommy stood on the sidewalk, a mix of concern, uncertainty and resolution on his face. His hand reached out for Buck as he stepped out of the car, then hovered in the air between them as if Tommy couldn’t decide whether to touch him or not. 

Damaged goods . The thought flashed through Buck’s mind and he had to press his lips together to stop them from wobbling. Now would come the sympathy, which would probably be sincere, Tommy was a nice guy after all - before he ran away from Buck as fast and as far as he could.   

Then, “I’m so sorry I left you like that. I acted badly and left you alone and…” Tommy’s voice trailed off though his eyes never left Buck’s. 

Surprise at Tommy’s words made Buck misstep and he stumbled, nearly tripping over the curb. He winced as the motion sent pain shooting through his body and had barely finished sucking in a muffled gasp when Tommy’s hands were under his elbows, solid and warm as he supported Buck’s weight easily and kept him from falling. 

Further surprise that Tommy would want to touch him had Buck’s eyes shooting up to look at him, expecting to see distaste or pity. Except - Tommy wasn’t looking at Buck like that at all. Not like he was broken. If anything, Tommy looked like he felt… guilty?

Buck blinked, utterly confused, and wobbled, closer to Tommy. It wasn’t intentional, but he was fast running out of energy and Tommy was so close and warm and solid and safe . Before he realized it, Buck was leaning into his chest, dropping his head onto Tommy’s shoulder heavily. He’d almost forgotten what the other man had even said but it wasn’t disgust, or pity, or fake sympathy, and it definitely wasn’t judgment. Strong arms settled around Buck’s back and he sighed, sinking against him even more until Tommy was basically holding him up. 

It was so nice to be held with kindness by someone he felt safe with. After being touched so brutally and with such pain followed by the impersonal, careful touches at the hospital, Tommy’s embrace felt like a blanket, enclosing Buck in warmth and safety and—

Cool air and absence replaced the hug as Tommy’s arms disappeared from around him and Buck swayed, nearly falling until hands settled on his shoulders, steadying him. He would have whined at the loss if he’d had energy and if the thought of it didn’t make him feel even more pathetic than he already did. 

“I’m sorry!” Tommy said, looking horrified when Buck slowly lifted his head to meet his eyes. “I didn’t mean to, you probably don’t want me to touch you but it looked like you were going to fall, and I— I just wanted to explain, not now, but—”

“Tommy,” Buck cut him off, barely following most of what was said other than realizing that Tommy wasn’t repulsed by him. “I’m really tired and sore. I would like to talk to you about… us, I guess. But, not now. I just. Can’t. Now. Will you - will you help me inside, please?” 

“I thought I’d be the last person you want to see,” Tommy said, looking at Buck like he’d just descended from the heavens above to offer him divine blessing. It was so far from what Buck felt like that he almost snorted. But even that felt too hard. 

“No,” Buck said, slumping. “I trust you and Eddie.” He had nothing left in him to explain it any better than that. 

It was enough, though. Because seconds later Eddie was on one side of him as Athena’s car reversed away and Tommy was on the other. Together, they supported Buck as they made their slow way up to his loft. 

When he stood at the base of his stairs and looked mournfully up, Buck sighed, resigned to sleeping on the floor since he didn’t have a couch and had no energy to make it up the stairs.  At the pitiful sound, Tommy looked at Buck for his permission, then ducked under his arm and stood up, all but lifting Buck’s entire body weight. He took Buck upstairs and carefully let him down onto his bed all without speaking but Buck felt no judgment.

He felt nothing at all except the light weight of his blanket settling over him as his eyelids dropped down heavily before he slid into a deep sleep of utter exhaustion. The knowledge that he was safe at last, properly safe with both Eddie and Tommy there, let Buck let go at last. 

He slept. 

The smell of something cooking woke Buck when his stomach rumbled, loudly. 

Usually that would make him laugh or at least smile but Buck didn’t feel like his usual self. He wondered if he ever would again as he lay in his bed, carefully cataloging how he felt. Not too bad, he realized, physically at least. That was something, he supposed. He was sore, of course. There were deep aches in his ribs and gut, lesser ones in his nose and throat and a sort of bruised pain in his ass that he knew was going to make certain bodily functions painful when the time came. His head still throbbed as well, though not as heavily as it had been before which made ignoring the many other smaller pains easier. 

He didn’t feel like he was incapacitated, just… like he’d been hurt, but would heal, and in a shorter time than he usually did. Buck wasn’t sure if that was an accurate assessment or if his mind was playing tricks on him. Perhaps having a ladder truck land on him and being thrown from a ladder after being hit by lightning had skewed his pain threshold. Or perhaps the physical aspects of his attack just weren’t that bad, compared to what he’d been through in the past. 

The mental and emotional aspects… those would be worse, this time, Buck suspected, than any he’d had before. But unlike so many other times, he knew that this time, he wouldn’t be alone. 

Despite not feeling like he was dying, Buck still groaned softly as he sat up, letting his feet thunk down onto the floor. His whole body was stiff and ached and he wanted nothing more than a long, hot shower. 

“Buck?” 

The soft call of his name pulled his gaze from his open bathroom door and Buck saw Eddie standing halfway up his stairs. 

“Hey, Eddie,” Buck replied, then looked towards his bathroom again. 

“There’s water and painkillers beside your bed,” Eddie said, not bothering to ask him how he was. He likely already had a good idea and would also know that Buck didn’t want to talk about it, just like any other time he’d been hurt. “Do you want help showering?” 

It was a genuine offer, Buck knew that. They’d helped each other shower before, many times. This time, though… Buck didn’t want anyone else in there with him. He’d managed to shower on his own in the hospital, he knew he could do it at home, too. 

“I’m good, thanks. I uh. Might be a while,” Buck warned him. Something darkened in Eddie’s eyes and his jaw firmed before he nodded once, sharply, and turned to go back down the stairs. 

“Call out if you need help,” he said, looking back at Buck until he nodded. 

Clean and so much more comfortable in his own clothes, Buck made his way slowly downstairs after he’d finished showering. Tommy wasn’t there, making disappointment rise in Buck before he shoved it away. He couldn’t expect someone to hang around after the way he’d behaved on their date. Tommy had done what anyone would do, he’d helped Eddie and had made sure Buck was home safe and then he’d left. Buck shouldn’t have hoped for anything more. 

“Tommy had to go meet someone but he’ll be back soon,” Eddie said, ladling soup into a bowl. The table was set for two with spoons and glasses of water. “I made soup for lunch.” 

“Oh. Okay. Thanks.” He sat down at the table, wincing when he landed on his ass and it hurt. Eddie looked at him in concern and Buck muttered, “I’m fine.” 

The soup wasn’t bad, for something from a can. He could see the empty can near the stove, an old one left over from when he’d gone a bit crazy stocking up during covid times and had never got around to using up. He idly wondered if it was out of date before apathetically deciding he didn’t care. It was warm and easy to swallow with his sore throat and that was good enough for Buck. 

Eddie must have gone through his pantry to find it, probably not wanting to leave him alone while he slept to get fresh groceries. That had been on Buck’s to do list for the day, before... before. Buck sighed. He hadn’t thought this was how he’d be spending his day off, but then, he hadn’t thought Eddie would turn into some sort of vigilante, either. 

“What are we supposed to tell Chris about this?” Buck abruptly asked as he waved a hand between them and their bruised faces. “He’s not blind. He’s going to have questions.” 

The thought that Eddie might have been severely injured because of him made the soup sit uneasily in his stomach all of a sudden. He felt like he should say he wished they hadn’t gone after the guys but… Buck didn’t wish that. Not at all. He was glad that they had. Just wished they hadn’t been hurt doing it.  

“We—” Eddie hesitated, then asked, “Does Christopher know? About you and Tommy?”

“No. I mean, I haven’t told him.” Buck ducked his head, lips twisting in a grimace, “I hadn’t told anyone yet.” Eddie was always going to be the first, after Maddie. Not that he’d had the chance to tell his sister before… this.

Eddie reached across the table and slowly put his hand on top of Buck’s, squeezing lightly until Buck met his eyes. “It’s not going to change what he thinks of you, you know.” 

His words reminded Buck of giving the police his statement, Athena by his side. His fear of exactly that, that knowing would change what people thought of him. Now Eddie was reassuring him that wouldn’t happen without even knowing he’d been scared of it.  

“Yeah, I know,” Buck muttered, his throat feeling blocked all of a sudden. “He’s a really great kid.”

“We’ll tell him we got into a fight,” Eddie offered up after a moment. “Not with each other, with some bigots. He’ll think I’m talking about racists and he’d believe you’d step into a fight to defend me.”

“No, Eddie, I’m not gonna use you like that.” Buck swallowed, leaning forwards almost unconsciously towards Eddie’s warmth. He could feel it through their hands and yearned to feel more. It felt like so long since someone had touched him kindly. “We can tell him that someone tried to mug me and Tommy, and you helped us. Th-that’s what I thought it was, you know? At first. I tried to give them my wallet, but—” Buck stopped abruptly, then whispered, “That wasn’t what they wanted.”

“Oh, Buck.” Eddie sounded sad. Buck couldn’t look at him, positive that if he did he wouldn’t be able to hold back his tears. And despite, or perhaps because of, his earlier nausea, Buck was feeling hungry. He wanted to eat soup, not cry. 

He shook his head mutely, eyes on his bowl, and kept eating. After a moment, he heard Eddie do the same. Their hands stayed linked across the table, though. 

“What did you do, Eddie?” Buck asked after they’d eaten for a while. The soup was gentle on his stomach, like Eddie had probably planned, and he was able to eat more than he’d thought he would. 

Eddie looked shifty, then guilty, then mulish, lifting his chin stubbornly. It made the bruising around his swollen, black eye change colors in the light. “I made sure the guys who hurt you got what they deserved,” he replied. 

And really, Buck wasn’t even surprised. They’d had each other’s backs for so long, he would have been more surprised if Eddie hadn’t done anything, especially given his history of struggling with anger issues. But that didn’t explain anything. 

“How?” Buck asked bluntly, staring him down, then he had to look away, “A-and why did you tell Tommy what happened?” He didn’t know if he would have or not. Probably not, given the way their date had ended. But that choice had been taken away from him. Anger began to burn inside him. “You shouldn’t have done that.” 

“I didn’t,” Eddie said, meeting Buck’s eyes openly when his answer had him staring. “I wasn’t going to, I wouldn’t do that, Buck. He found out, though.” 

“Tell me,” Buck demanded, and Eddie did. 

“So, the two of you found the guys who attacked me and beat them up. And most of a bar as well - after Eddie first went after you?” Buck spoke slowly, letting everything Eddie had told him settle into his mind. 

He was still upset on Tommy’s behalf, that Eddie had got it so wrong even after Eddie had taken him through his reasoning, his realization of his mistake and his apologies to Tommy. 

“It’s alright, Ev — uh, Buck. Eddie and I are good. We had a lot of time to talk it out,” Tommy stumbled awkwardly over the nickname. He’d arrived part way through Eddie’s story, with a few bags of groceries. Eddie had let him in, telling Buck to stay seated, then the two of them had put the groceries away together, ignoring the way Buck stared at them in bewilderment as they did. Tommy had helped Eddie finish telling Buck how their night had ended as they worked together like they’d done this before. It was bizarre . And why had Tommy bought ice cream , of all things? 

“In jail,” Buck said pointedly, and both men looked chastened. They were all sitting down at the table by then, and Buck was not happy with their actions, but — Tommy wasn’t calling Buck ‘Evan ’ the way he always had, and Buck - Buck did not like that at all. 

“Don’t,” he blurted, then added, “Don’t do that. Please.” When the other two men both stared at him in confusion, he looked directly at Tommy as he clarified, “I like it when you call me Evan. I don’t want those— I don’t want that to be the last time someone calls me by that name. Not like that. You say it differently to how anyone else has ever said it. I-I like it,” he finished, feeling his face heat up. 

Across the table from him, Tommy went pink. 

Buck was still confused about whether Tommy was there as a friend or as something… more. He remembered Tommy saying something about acting badly and wanting to explain but Buck didn’t understand what he was talking about. It was Buck who’d fucked up their date, not Tommy. And now he was… this. Damaged goods. Why would someone like Tommy want to deal with him and his mess? Why had Tommy brought him groceries ? 

It didn’t make any sense. But Tommy was there. He’d helped Eddie find the guys, had fought them with Eddie. And despite his implicit trust in Eddie, there was something about Tommy that made Buck feel even more safe when he was there too.  

“I’m sorry I was such an idiot at the restaurant,” Buck said suddenly, wanting to get that out before Tommy left again. “I hadn’t come out to Eddie then and I panicked. It was stupid. I was stupid.”  

On the other side of the table, Eddie stood quietly and gathered their bowls, taking them to the kitchen. It was only a few feet away, he could still hear everything, but Buck appreciated the gesture. 

“You are not stupid, Evan,” Tommy looked sad, but determined. “And you are not the only one who panicked. I did, too.” 

As Buck stared at him in astonishment, Tommy proceeded to explain his thought process and why he’d reacted the way he had at the restaurant. When he finished, he apologized very seriously. Buck stared at him in silence, stunned. 

“I sent you a text about it too, but I guess you never got that,” Tommy added when Buck had stared at him for longer than was probably polite. He just couldn’t think of anything to say. Tommy thought he was the one who’d made all the mistakes? Didn’t he realize that Buck was the one who’d done that, not him? 

“Uh, yeah, no, I didn’t,” Buck replied, jolted into saying something, anything. “I don’t know where my phone is, actually. Or my keys and wallet.” 

“Oh, shit. I’ve got them,” Eddie said, going over to where his jacket was hanging on the wall. “Sorry, Buck. I found them on the ground in the alley and grabbed them, then with everything else I forgot I had them.” 

Air left Buck’s mouth in a large sigh of relief at the news. “Thanks, Eddie. I was worried those guys had them. That they knew where I live and had my keys.” 

“God, Buck, I didn’t even think of that. I’m sorry, I should have given them to you at the hospital,” Eddie said at once, handing them over.

His phone only had a few percent of battery left on it, but it was enough for Buck to see Tommy’s message. He looked from it to Tommy. “Maybe we both acted a little…”

“Dumb?” Tommy finished, tilting his head and smiling at Buck softly. So fucking softly. It damn near broke Buck’s heart, what they might have had. What he, what they’d lost.  

Tears filled his eyes suddenly as grief threatened to consume Buck. “I didn’t want the first guy I- I didn’t want it to happen like that,” he stammered, dropping the phone and covering his face with both hands. “I didn’t. Fuck, Tommy. I- not like this. Now I’m all this ,” he waved a hand vaguely over himself, “And no one wants that. Someone who’s weak, who let — You don’t have to stay, you know. It’s— I get it, okay? I don’t blame you.”  

“Oh Evan, no ,” Tommy breathed as from beside him Eddie said, “Buck, no ,” in a heartbroken tone. 

“You are NOT weak. You didn’t let them do this to you,” Eddie said fiercely. “You fought back, so much they had to give you a concussion to get you to stop!” 

“Being outnumbered doesn’t make anyone weak, Evan,” Tommy added. “Those men were cowardly bastards, there were two of them and they still had to beat the shit out of you. No one is going to think any less of you for what happened. And if they do, I’ll be having words with them,” he finished, his voice deepening into a low growl. 

“So will I,” Eddie agreed in a determined tone. 

There was rustling as they spoke, then Buck felt them both on either side of him but neither touched him and that pulled more tears from his eyes. Their words meant nothing, they couldn’t even touch him, proof he was damaged goods, he was ruined—

“You are not damaged goods, Evan,” Tommy said fiercely. “We just don’t know if we can touch you or not. Is that— can we? Please? I’d really like to hug you if that’s okay.” 

“Me too,” Eddie muttered, his voice rough in the way that Buck knew from long experience meant he was feeling extremely emotional. 

“ Yes ,” Buck gasped, dropping his hands. He hadn’t even finished lifting his head up before he was engulfed in arms on both sides, the two of them wrapping around him tightly, so tightly. It hurt his nose where it was smooshed against Tommy’s chest and someone’s, Eddie’s he thought, hand was pressing on his sore ribs but Buck didn’t care. 

He felt safe. 

Protected. 

Cared for. 

Loved, even, at least by Eddie. Tommy, it was too new, too soon for that. But Tommy was staying, he wasn’t leaving, he was holding onto Buck just as tightly as Eddie was and Buck was crying, he was sobbing and shaking and he thought maybe they were too but he couldn’t tell. 

All he knew was that Eddie was his rock, an anchor amidst turbulent seas, holding him steady through the dark trauma he'd been thrust into. Tommy, on the other hand, was his free fall, an abyss of vulnerability and uncertainty, yet also the freedom to let go and trust in the journey back to wholeness.

Together, they would weather the storm of recovery he was facing, Eddie’s constant hand guarding him and Tommy’s embrace offering solace as Buck learned how to heal and go on.  

“So, the person Tommy had to go meet was a locksmith, to fix his door that you smashed in,” Buck said, staring at Eddie pointedly, though with no real heat. 

Hours had passed, the three of them having moved to his lounge room. Buck sitting on his only armchair at the insistence of both other men, Eddie in the sole other chair in the room - and Tommy on the floor, back leaning against the front of Buck’s chair. He’d looked unsure where to sit, until Buck had hesitantly asked him if he wanted to sit there. 

Tommy had looked at him in a way that Buck was slowly learning to recognize as unique to the other man. Carefully, consideringly. Not unsure of his own thoughts but checking that it was what Buck wanted. Once Buck confirmed it was, Tommy smiled, a slow, sweet smile that gave Buck hope that maybe, just maybe, all wasn’t lost between them. And when Tommy’s shoulder brushed against Buck’s leg every now and then as they watched something on the television, it felt like he was telling Buck he’d wait for him, for as long as he needed. That he was there. He was staying. He wasn’t going anywhere. 

“He broke my coffee table too,” Tommy informed Buck, mumbling through a mouthful of ice cream. He sounded more amused than angry. “Put some holes in my wall where my couch hit it, broke a picture frame, and a lamp. He’s very thorough when he’s angry, isn’t he?” 

Buck swallowed his own spoonful of ice cream before he spoke, appreciating the soothing coolness on his still sore throat. The peanutty flavor with crunchy bits wasn’t his favorite but when Tommy had shyly mentioned it was his, Buck had realized the other man had bought it especially to share with him. He’d decided not to say anything then for want of seeming ungrateful but would tell him someday. 

Mouth free, he replied, “Definitely,” finally able to smile at the memory of Eddie yelling at him in a grocery store rather than feeling sad about it. “He does that, when he cares about someone a lot.” 

For his part, Eddie looked chagrined but was blushing too as he smiled softly back at Buck. They didn’t need to put it in words, how they felt about each other. They both knew, and that was enough. Logically, Buck knew that Eddie didn’t think he was weak for what had happened to him, or that he’d asked for it somehow. Eddie’s actions and presence throughout the whole nightmare were proof of that. He was coming to see that Tommy thought the same way too and that hopefully, no one else would either. That Buck wasn’t broken, or damaged goods. He wasn’t weak. Hadn’t wanted what had happened. Emotionally, it was harder. Buck knew he’d have a lot of work to do before he fully believed it. 

Not broken, he told himself again. A bit dented, definitely battered, but wounds would heal. And Buck was starting to hope that he would heal, too, inside. In time.    

But— “You know we’re going to go and fix all that up for Tommy, right Eddie? The Buckley Diaz handyman team back at work repairing holes in walls together. We’re practically experts, by this point,” Buck said, wanting to see both his friends smile. It was the least he could do, after what they’d gone through for him. 

Tommy turned so he could see them both and said, “Oh hey no, you guys don’t need to do that.”

“Yes, we do, Tommy,” Eddie interrupted. “Or at least, I do. Please let me.” 

“Us,” Buck corrected. “I’m coming too, I feel like I need to be there as a buffer for you two, you know, in each you decide to beat each other up again or something. I can’t trust either one of you alone with the other!” 

They all laughed, and Buck felt a darkness leaving his heart. He wasn’t healed, or recovered. Not even close. But he was on the way, and with Eddie and Tommy beside him, he knew he’d get there. 

Because he did trust them both, completely and utterly. 

With each other - and with himself, too. 

That was the way it should be.