Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was your second exhibition finally in three years, there was the always thrust worthy sells online but, wasn’t it always better to look at the people get excited over your art?, dropping compliments by passing seconds they watched you walk around them, ask for prices, ask for the delivery, had the relief of the entry of the money by piece.

Popping champagne, the sound was like music to your ears, each bottle, each sip someone took to make an accelerated and clearly not well thought through decision of buying, it was their money, you couldn’t intervine, didn’t you?. Still, your gaze was directly onto the most recent piece, it was rushed because of the timing, everything looked wrong to you, the dimension, the perspective, even the color… bot one single thing that was hard to recognize, something was making it look awful to you.

“Is expensive, isn’t it?” Someone said, interrupting your analyzing of the canvas into that extravagant frame. It sounded manly, tired, raspy even.

“Is it?” You asked back, genuinely oblivious of the price your agent matched with it.

“Kind of, I’ll think it twice before buying it” He said. “Does your dad know how expensive you sell your art?”

  My dad?, why would he know him?, why would he even be interested in that?  You couldn’t help but laugh at that comment, first time someone told you that, it was an interesting comment to make to someone you first met. “He doesn’t, really-”

You did knew him.

“ Surprise ” He said, a smile on his tired face, unshaved morning face, but clearly washed for the occasion, his hair covering a little bit more of his face, now sweat despise the clearly not cold temperature, really looking his best despite his notorious tiredness.

“Leon?… Oh my God” You said, covering your lips slightly with your hands, delicately. “I- I haven’t saw you in a… I can’t even remember”

“Maybe four or six years, if we are counting time” He said with a chuckle, it was almost husky that gave you chills. “Now you are a celebrity, Kid”

“Starting with kid ?, come on, Im not a kid nor a celebrity” You argued back, the smile pasted on your lips despite denying the accusations, your glass of champagne still full, you couldn’t drink on the exhibition, the pretend exercise was better. “I just went lucky”

“Come on, I remember when you had tired eyes because you were awake all night drawing, since what?, high school you have done that?” He said, chuckling again, it was obvious he tried not to laugh and catch more attention.

“Hey, don’t tell my secrets out loud” you muttered, shushing him with one hand on his mouth. “You arrived to my parents house like at midnight, so, shh shh”

He lifted his arms up in defeat and you subsided and moved your hand away.

“Okay, I’ll keep quiet” he whispered. “I will buy one, the one that is your favorite”

“You can just look, I don’t mind—”

“I want to buy one, other way you think, I have an apartment where to place it”

“I know, but you don’t have to”

“You are my pride too, Kid” he said with an smile, indeed, he had faith in you “i want to own something too”

                                                                             ➰————————————————————➰

You were sat on the chair of the kitchen table, the best light to not be catch with your notebook and a low quality pencil, late at midnight around at the three in the morning, the only soft sound that could be heard was your soft and quiet humming from the only song you knew at the moment and the soft noise of the pencil that was making form of the vaguely sketch of whatever you could see around the kitchen.

That continued for about 20 minutes, until you heard the sound of the in needing to oil door, making a creaking sound when the front door was open, cautious steps as someone went in, Was it your dad?, hell no, he was asleep way hours ago just like your mom, then who the hell that was.

You crouched as soon as you heard the steps, not fast enough to turn off the light, you only had the pencil in hand, was it a good weapon against a robbery?, of course it wasn’t.

Ready to attack if needed, the steps were right on the kitchen… did the robber was taking a glass of water? That made you jump up and with your weapon in hand you reach it towards them.

“ What the fuck, Leon? ” You said, kind of whispered but surprised by him being there, most of all at midnight, and… with bruises and some cuts here and there, he looked beaten up.

“Language kid” He said, in a whisper better elaborated than yours,  groaning quietly at the pain he must have been feeling at the moment. “Lower that weapon miss”

“Ugh… Im sorry, I thought you were a robber” you said, which surprisingly made him laugh dryly.

“Ouch, that hurt my feelings” her muttered. “Im highly hurt by that innuendo”

“I think you are bleeding”

“Oh, material for a doc here, huh?, you haven’t pass out” he said, jokingly, so you wouldn’t worry. “A doc that might chose to be an artist”

“Like, literally, let me help you” You said, your tiny face worried by the face he was making for his wounds. “I have patched some friends and myself when I accidentally get hurt, let me—”

“I know, your dad told me” he said, resting on the chair behind him. “I don’t want you to see me like this”

“Where you planning to arrive and die on our couch or what?, no no no no” she said, moving her head as a no.

“Ugh… I’ll let you help then, Miss future super doctor”

You frowned at that comment, but the attempt to ease the situation was nice, however, he insisted in being heal up in the kitchen, so, you moved the lamp near him brought some supplies, wore some gloves and started looking around him. “You look awful”

“Gee, Thanks” he replied, trying to chuckle to not worry you further.

“I defeated a few thousands of aliens that cornered me” he said, clearly lying, he was avoiding looking at you, God knows what he is into that most of the times you see him is like this. “I berated their asses, so don’t worry”

“Right, you fought against aliens” you said, not believing a single bit. “You dealed with a chainsaw alien or what?”

“Kind of” he said, a kind smile on his face despite the exhaustion hovering over his face and body “But I was faster than him, so you might need to worry more about him, or it?”

“I’ll worry about the Alien then” you said, finishing cleaning the most visible wounds he had. A grimace overpowering over your face as you looked at him, what could happen to him? It looked like he fought a whole village. “You should go to the hospital, like, in all seriousness that won’t heal with just this”

“Yeah, I know, I’ll ask your dad to take me tomorrow” he said, which left you surprised, the hospital might be open at that hour, emergencies or such. “I can’t and shouldn’t use my bike to go, so, I’ll survive til tomorrow”

“Don’t say that”

“I’m joking kid, I’ll be safe and sound, maybe bandaged up, so you can laugh at it”

“Okay, I trust you”

                                                                 ➰————————————————————➰

Just as he said, he bought a couple of your paintings, even you thought they were way more expensive than it should be, if you were honest to yourself you had no clue of his line of work, you could get the idea that it was something dangerous, but what? That was the real question.

He wanted to see your paintings, sketches and all that, wanting to get into the mind of the artist behind the canvas decorating his apartment walls, which made you happy, it was the first person you actually heard from that actually decorated their home with them and didn’t left them in some kind of room with art and indie shit whisks were most of the cases.

And now he was at your apartment, you made enough money to get your own place, it wasn’t the mansion you imagined as a child, but being out of your parents house was more than enough.

“Taraaah” you said as he stepped inside.

“Is pretty, I recall you wanted a garden, to have a way to plant berries and fruits” he commented, almost a gentle voice by the memory “I brought you blueberries, hope you still like them”

You took the package, some small package filled with berries, it was a nice detail that he still remembered, even if his face was noticeable all the shit he had went through. “Yep, I still love them”

“Cool, Do I take my shoes off or..? You know, I don’t want to ruin some kind of art or so”

“Ah, right right, let me bring you some slippers”

By the time, both of you were sitting on your couch, the berries on the fridge and both of you drinking water, not like you had much to offer apart from that, it was wine, tequila or whiskey, not very healthy to even offer it on the first place, and some packet of cigarettes in your studio.

“This is impressive” he said, going through one of your sketchbooks, the little table in front of you two had a great variety for him to choose and he chose the worst one, for you at least “the amount of persons here is… wow”

“They are just some random people, that one is when I was in college so I guarantee is not that good”

“You are joking, you said that they are random people, and you drew them?, it is impressive”

“Fine, with all the humble I have I’ll accept the compliment”

“Pff, humble”

Chapter Text

The actually impressive person in that room was him, checking every detail of every sketchbook he had access to, eye sparkling by every trace his blue gaze was filled with sparkles, just as pretty as the champagne that could be bubbling in a fancy event.

“Can I see some paintings?” He asked, voice filled with longing, genuinely wishing to appreciate more of your art.

To get drunk with it.

“You can’t see the merchandise before others” you said, jokingly, standing up from the couch in search from your glasses, at that time of night they were required to avoid headaches. “But since you are you, I can make an exception”

“An exception?, ohh, im the lucky one” he joked, as he stood up as well following behind you, almost as a little kid that was getting a new toy for Christmas, the one he waited for his whole childhood.

You were in front of him, almost securing that he wouldn’t know how to open the door and found your temple of security, the room you changed to turn it into an studio, the ceiling painted as a night sky, filled with some stars, the wall was some plain beige, as if a blank canvas waiting to be brushed with the best colors that you could offer. You got inside the studio reaching to grab the packet of cigarettes on the side of the table, hiding it in your pocket, he didn’t needed to see that. Most the fact that he hated it.

“Most of the ones im working on are barely or not at all rendered so, don’t flatter me or anything” you commented as he walked inside, looking up and around, fascinated of what you thought was something simple to made the ambience fit. “Or do, Whatever it seems the best of you”

Of course he noticed that you hided something, but he thought that it was better to not ask, it was your privacy. “Well, even if they are not rendered, I can tell they look good already…”

He walked around the small studio, crouching to take a closer look on the paintings on the floor, unfinished ones, but he noticed something and he decided to ask. “I noticed that you only paint and draw woman?, there’s a reason to it?”

You could tell he wasn’t judging but rather asking a genuine question. “Oh, that… hmmm” you said, as if looking for a good answer to give, so he wouldn’t doubt your skills “I find easier to paint women, and I can barely sketch mans faces so, why bother?”

“Hmm, I remember you struggled with it” he pointed out a quiet chuckle escaping his lips. “Once you showed me a drawing of me and it was… weirdly proportioned”

                  ➰————————————————————➰

It was one of the days Leon stayed on your parents house, you didn’t knew why but there was always a drive to the hospital before he stayed for couple of weeks, he looked tired those days and the smell of painting that you never failed to deliver at your first try’s venturing into the arts word more properly. Some sheets of paper laying around the main room as you were kneeling on the ground with some superhero movie in the background noise for you to “take inspiration” as you said or tried to made it look.

As you tried to make portraits of the actors on tv and continued failing, despite your mom cheering you up saying they weren’t bad, you didn’t believe it at all, the eyes weren’t in position, the chin was in a place that wasn’t even possible to be, you wandered how you could draw that despite having the reference constantly on TV.

Despite the woman basically coming out divine in that sheets of paper, almost shining.

Until Leon walked near the couch, following the smell of paint with a clear annoyance in his eyes, that maybe he was feeling dizzy by the constant smell hitting his nose. “Leon!”

He heard your voice and sighed, resigned of his destiny he turned his face to look at you. “Come here, come here”

“Wha-” he couldn’t finish his words, you were looking up at him as if analyzing if he was easier to draw or was more of a challenge, which you thought he wasn’t, at least before he sat on the ground beside you. “I look awful, I don’t recommend—”

He couldn’t finish again. “Shhh, trust the process”

Despite that he trusted the process and that his face was covered in graphite from the pencil of your constants better placements of the best angle he could be in and him getting sleepy, he couldn’t mistake the expression of disappointment at your finished piece.

“Can I see?”

“You sure you want to see?”

“Pff—” He chuckled and then a genuine laugh came as he took the piece of paper in your hands, his sleepiness going away as only his laughs could be heard of.

At least that day he got a good laugh in a few months.

                   ➰————————————————————➰

“I tried okay, It wasn’t that bad…” you said reaching to be beside him, crouching as you looked at the painting that he was so immersed in, a faint smile never leaving his lips, he wasn’t judging you, or making fun of your ability, just enjoying the memories.

“You just needed to fix some things, you could try again, sometime try to make some sketches of men, or some random guys you meet”

“To be honest, I prefer to paint woman, no offense at all but I think is easy to portrait them, us as pretty, nostalgic or just some beauty that is easier to see”

“Im not offended, I can agree in most of it” he said, looking back at you and patting over your head, which was surprising. “I like how you say that”

You looked up at him, and smiled and patted his shoulder, an awkward way to give back the gesture.

He chuckled. “Yep, I think is getting too late”

“Kind of, want to sleep here?”

“Huh?”

“Is late and it seems like its cloudy”

“Oh, right right” he moved his hand away from your head. “I don’t want to bother”

“You can use my room and I’ll sleep on the couch”

“Nope, im not letting you sleep on your couch in your own house”

“But-”

“I’ll sleep on the couch, I’ll accept the offer to stay only if I sleep on the couch”

                                                       …

And just as he said, after making some pancakes with the blueberry’s that he brought and bringing some pillow and blankets for him and apologizing for not finding something that could fit him as pajamas, just a pants that was oversized that you had the idea that maybe it could fit him, it did but clearly it was a funny sight to watch a man with a physic like his to barely fit onto the lilac pants that you found for him.

“I could try and find something else but i doubt I have something else” you said, almost apologetic.

“Nah, is okay, I have a tee under this shirt so, I can sleep with that, to have a change tomorrow” he said as he sat on the couch, and looked at the sketchbooks still on the table in front of it, smiling lightly at the fact that he could get to see your art.

“Right right… I didn’t thought about that” you said as you moved the sketchbook to the side so he could leave the things he had on top of there. “So, the bathroom is there, and I there some set of new toothbrushes there, I just bought a pack to not buy more every time i need to change it” you explained as he unbuttoned his shirt a little to be comfortable.

“Yep, got it, I’ll take one of those” he said looking down at the couch, finding a rather small blanket of the ones you brought for him, he remembered that one, but he couldn’t figure out who it belonged to.

“Good night”

“Night, kid”

Chapter Text

You went to your room after doing the skincare you always did, almost unbothered that he was there, you have know him since forever and you trusted him, like genuinely you think he is thrust worthy.

On his side, he did the most of hygiene that he could with the lack of tools he had, and now laid on the couch, with the sleeveless tee and the pants that you led him, he stared at the blanket, it had been patched up on the edges of it, in an attempt to fix it.

Then it hit him.

       ➰————————————————————➰

Most of his visits (more in your teenage years) he was always welcomed by the cute pup you managed to adopt since he was basically a few weeks old, he hated people, or was afraid of them, you never really figure it out, but you knew one thing, he liked five people; your grandma, your dad, your mom, you, of course and Leon.

He was at his lap a lot of times, dogs get the state a person is in, so, maybe he knew better what was going on with Leon all those times. Maybe he even listened to one or two of his problems.

Unexpectedly he got sick, he was doing fine, and then it came back, your parents were as worried as you, you were visiting vets most of the time when you were out of high school, big projects or not you didn’t cared, you needed to be sure he was okay, even Leon went with your family a couple of times, he was the less worried so he was the best candidate to drive there, even him was a witness that he was doing alright, a couple days passed when he looked tired but looked fine.

Until it wasn’t as fine as you all thought, you blame the vet, a newcomer, just graduated that fucked up.

He was crying, all of you were for the sound, you couldn’t do anything, despite almost finishing highschool you were a kid incapable of doing something to help him.

You only could promise him that he was going to be alright and back home safe.

( … )

Leon arrived as soon as he could, almost looking like he woke up and immediately attended to your call, your dad call and your mom call, you didn’t wanted to go with them, a gut wrenching thought was consuming you with worry and sadness, you knew you couldn’t handle being there for the worse scenario, you just were sat on the living room couch, staring blankly at the tv, almost pale, you refused to cry.

That’s when you heard the keys, but it was just Leon.

“[___]…” He muttered as he saw your expression, he could tell you wanted to cry, cry your lungs out, but you couldn’t, you had the idea that you had to be the strong one in this situation, your own father cried, how could you cry too and let everything crumble down, the last pilar couldn’t crumble. “I rushed here”

“Hi” you uttered, your favorite show playing in the back on the tv, to keep you awake, it was almost midnight, you should be sleeping, recharge energies for the next days expos you had at school, but you couldn’t.

You couldn’t and Leon noticed that. “Want something for dinner?”

“No, thanks”

“Water?”

“No”

“Coffee to stay up?”

“No”

He sighed and sat next to you wrapping an arm around you, wrapping you closer to him to give you some kind of support, yet you still couldn’t cry, the only sign noticeable were your hands trembling, gripping onto your pajamas. “You think he is going to be okay?”

“I… I hope so, they took them to the vet, they will know what to do”

“A vet was the one who left him like that” you commented, almost in disdain.

“…”

“Is he going to die?”

He just hugged you tighter, removing his jacket and placing it on top for your shoulder, it was a cold night despite being summer, almost cruel the fact that it was summer.

As the time passed he convinced you to at least lay on the couch, you were a shaking mess to try to keep the composure. You were gripping his blanket, clinging to the idea that he was going to be alright and you could pet him again and give him his favorite foods. You were breathing heavily, containing emotions.

“Have they told you something?”  You asked him, referring to your parents.

“No, they haven’t called.” He replied with honesty, he was sitting on the floor. Holding your free hand in support brushing his thumb against your palm to try and reassure that you can cry, that he wont judge you, that you are safe with him.

You knew all of that.

But you couldn’t.

“I promised him that he was going to be okay” you commented quietly, almost nonchalantly to hide all you wanted to scream and cry out.

     ( … )

You ended going to your room and sleeping there, you couldn’t stay up any longer, so you just fell asleep but that didn’t stopped you to be awake early, bags under your eyes as you wash your teeth and such, avoiding going to the living room, everything was too quiet, too gloomy, it was chilling.

Until you heard Leon, he had the news, your parents weren’t there yet.

“I’m sorry kid” you heard as soon as you stepped down the last stair, shoulders slumping down with all the faith and hope crumbling down by that simple three words, that cut like daggers in your chest, and as the hope crumbled so you did, the tears started to flow down, sobs that turned into noise whimpers of hurt were starting to fill the room, your knees were giving up but Leon catches you and you fail to be strong, you just cry on his arms, clinging onto his clothes to not fall down more into the hurt.

You spend most of the rest of the day with Leon, you heard your dad crying as you never thought you would. It was the first time Leon saw your dad and you like that.

 ➰————————————————————➰

The next morning he was ready and all the things you lend were neatly folded and accommodate it on top of the couch, you wake up early since he was there, still sleepy he went out and brought the breakfast, a nice gesture, you thought.

After finishing, he was ready to go, grateful of letting him stay the night, grateful for being able to see your art.

You lend him a scarf, it was cold outside, the beginning of winter, he could get sick and nope, she wouldn’t allow that. He smiled as he wore it, it was a gray scarf you have own it since uff, maybe high school, he was promoted enough to wear it and let him have it for a time. He moved his face down and gave you a kiss on the top of your head as an early goodbye.

“Love you kid, remember that” he said and let you wave goodbye at him as he crossed the door from your apartment.

The sunshine to a new day was decorating your apartment after a strangely emotional goodbye.

You didn’t knew what he remembered or what he dreamed you the mere fact of being on your home. When you were getting ready to your normal activities you noticed that your dog’s blanket was on top of the rest, almost too afraid of making it wrinkled even, which you thought it was a delicate way of handing it, like if he knew what it meant to you and he didn’t wanted to mess it up in some way.

It made you smile.

Chapter Text

You remembered when your friends joked that when you get the bare minimum treat that every person should get you couldn’t stop thinking about them, almost as a curse, almost as a blessing to give your art another sparkle of the moment, by the time you took it as a blessing, being honest, your heart wasn’t beating fast enough to care enough to think it was something else. In the end of it all, you two had a bond and as your experience gave you understanding,  it was obvious to feel happy around him, him barely standing the smell of the painting for more than one hour, having to get to the small balcony to catch some air.

Even he got to see you after his work, sometimes it took a week or sometimes a month, but he was always present, more present than when you were a child or a teen, which made you knew him better, small things like he didn’t knew how you could match colors to fit the one you needed, that he strangely knew what kind of herbs worked for healing wounds or nausea, that he liked strawberry gum but he didn’t liked white chocolate, that he dyed his hair about two times in his life and left his hair dry, that he knew a little of Spanish, but wasn’t the best at speaking it, that he like when he can get buffets at breakfast so he can eat a little of all, that he liked classical music but he actually loved to hear all kind of music and that he had traveled to a lot of countries that you actually never heard of.

All those little things were making you had a small but growing affection, was it chill that he was in your head despite you repeating yourself it wasn’t any of that infatuated shit?, you could have affection for someone without that.

Stay here, honey. You don’t want to share, you think as he takes his jackets and sets to go after a day with you, watching you paint and have a chill talk. Cause I like you?

That wasn’t for the best, the doodles you managed to make were crude for how terrible they ended up being, blue themed paintings, as if you never saw that color blue before, phone lights glowing up on your nightstand from his sweet dreams messages while you were thinking how you could finally draw a man’s face, could it been his?

That wasn’t for the best, you agent asking why most of the paintings ended ring blues, she liked them but she couldn’t figure out why the change of colors, why staying in that one?, was it too soon to do that yet?

He was like a big mansion, filled with flowers just grown and the sun hitting the right spots to make it look flawless all day long and when night time came by, the moon reflected its best lights to it, letting it rest but look as good as when the sun shined. At midnight, when everything felt so truthful for the tiredness and overwork, when thoughts haunt you down… was he thinking about you? When he fell sleep… was he dreaming about you?

It was quite the delicate subject to think about, you bet he wasn’t, the gap in both minds was too much to not think about it. But, your parents were close to him, or who knows now but that doesn’t mean that you both were family at all.

And he remembers that very well.

➰————————————————————➰

It has been two months for what happened to your dog, you and your family managed to get to the deal of cremate him, like, what else could be done?. You had your expo, it went well, you managed to sell a bunch of things there, it wasn’t the biggest earn of money you could have made but, since you could do it with a broken heart, you thought of it as a victory, but your eyes showed how tired the days have been adding weight on your back, it was too much to handle, end of year exams, death, mourning, end of high school and ready for college (but not really).

“Why not?, Im free and it could be nice, I can buy flowers and those things parents take from their kids to graduation” He knew damn well he wasn’t your dad in any sense, but seeing how affected he was and that maybe he wouldn’t assist to his daughter graduation, Leon thought it would be great if he assist instead, it would made you happy to replace him.

But it didn’t.

“Is not necessary, I can attend alone” you replied back, a fight that didn’t make sense, but you were on the final line to explode. “I don’t plan of going to the party, so, I wont be there much time”

“I don’t want you to end alone there, I won’t even dress as a dad, I can dress as a cool uncle-”

“You are not my family” you let out, louder than you intended to.

He stopped speaking, he knew you were basically surviving for the last months, he just sighed, he was really doing it out of good faith, his gaze on the ground, because, oh, he was more than aware. “I know”

“So, don’t play that you are”

“Im sorry, I didn’t meant to make you feel like that”

“It’s not that” you whined and looked down, ashamed of saying it like that. “You just don’t have to, and im not in the mood for partying and I don’t want to keep you there for only an hour”

“I don’t mind being standing up for an hour or so” he replied, a small smile covering his lips, gentle. “I mean it”

“Okay, fine, is okay if you go”

(…)

You were at the shooting time, taking the last pictures of high school, birreta in hand as you walked out of the room sighing by the summer kicking in, ready to attend to the main ceremony, you got the diploma the insignia and you’ll left right before. You were there since like 8:00 am, you were tired and the lack of sleep was making you face the consequences of it, you tubbed your eyes, despite the mascara you were wearing for the rule of not “too much” makeup, sadly, the under eye-bags will be on your photo forever.

After a few moments letting some fresh air hit your face and a sigh leaving your lips as you touch up your lipstick, using the reflect of one of the doors on your way the auditorium until you felt a hand on your shoulder, which you snapped away instantly until you noticed it was his and turned around immediately just too see him and your tired face turned into a slightly more relaxed one.

“Leon?” You said lipstick still on hand and leaning towards him to hug him, after your mean voice, he was still there, suit and everything.

“Hey, I was a bit late, hope I don’t miss the event” he said, a gentle voice soothing your exhausted mind, and a permanent stain of your lipstick on his shirt. “You look nice, I bet your photos turned out amazingly”

“I hope they did, I could barely fix my face, and I’m barely awake”

“You look good, but, you still need to not use makeup?”

“No, it was just for the photo shoot”

“Then, I can help you apply the rest” he said as he brushed your hair in place, so you could look the better in the moment and then kissing the top of your head. “You know, some concealer and such”

“Could you do that?”

“Of course”

(…)

You were sat on a bench, eyes closed as he gently blended the concealer under your eyes, maybe when you did his make up when you were a kid, he even went with your dad for grocery’s like that, it was a fun thing to see and that he noticed until all of you were eating dinner, everyone started laughing when he noticed, is a nice memory.

“Do I need to blend it more?” He asked, taking one small mirror from your bag to show it to you. “I think you look great”

“Nope, is actually great, thanks”.

As time passed by and you reached the auditorium with Leon, you went to the back and met some friends, not the greatest friendship but ones to talk to in a way to pass time, they were. Between the chat, you lost Leon from the crowd, and you were drawn back to the talk when they asked you something.

“I finally met your dad” you heard her say, almost excited to bring that to the talk. “Is he single?”

“What?” You muttered out.

“I’m kidding, but it would be really nice if he was, the next year we go to college so, imagine me dating him” she joked, the girl beside her giggling at that words, your dad was there?, how-

Then it sinked in.

“Oh, no, no, no, he is not my dad” you clarified, which instead of being sad their reaction was of excitement.

“Even better, then I can say he is hot”

“Oh sure he is” the other girl said, searching for him with her eyes on the crowd.

“He just came instead of my parents, so, no worries, we are not related, so you can try your luck I guess” you said between chuckles, encouraging her to give it a shot, since you never saw him with some company, or even a woman aside from being your mom’s friend so, maybe she could help. “I doubt it though, you just turned into an adult so, maybe he’s not into that”

“They are men, you might be giving him too much credit for that” she replied, giggling at it, laughing at you for thinking he was a decent man.

“Yeah, everyone sees a nice body and are head over heels” the other girl said, giggling as well.

“Maybe he is even into you, in a couple of months you are turning an adult, who knows”

“It could be, I mean, one of my friends got asked out as soon as she turned into an adult, who knows it might be your case too [___]!, you are a pretty girl, if you got the chance, take it”

(…)

As all the event finished, that for some reason was longer than you expected and hoped, as you went down with the other people, family from your classmates and such, too much chairs to handle passing by without getting step up while walking, until you reached the walls, a breath in relief by the reached point to get air back into your lungs.

Leon found you with his hand holding something behind his back, a smile on his face and the might permanent stay of your mouth on his shirt, a smile decorating his face, as he leaned to pat on your shoulders to notice him, turning around with an smile, a tired one in comparison with his.

“Look what I got you”  He said as he took on light a bouquet of daffodils with some Lilly of the valley decorating on the sides just as some amenome’s too.

“You didn’t had to, but, I’m happy that you did” you said as you took them from his hands, looking down at the flowers, caressing them gently, they were pretty.

“No need to flatter men I have good taste in flowers”

“Oh, I see it.”

➰————————————————————➰

At least he liked you for you, platonically, handle the good and bad things about you, he was a nice person to be around, to hug while sad… to kiss.

Chapter Text

It was one of the days when Leon paid you a visit, not to see your art but to pass time around you, being honest, he didn’t had much to do apart from his job, he was trying to quit his alcohol problem, so it was better talk with you about anything than ending in a random bar or calling his therapist over a random breakdown he got.

After eating dinner you convinced him yo try some moisturizer sheet mask which strangely he agreed, so, taking the chance you made a whole skin care routine, which ended in him laying on your bed, some eye mask as he rested there, you also had one on your face as you were laying beside him, some random playlist on the back playing, you were looking at him, he still had the hair pins so his hair wouldn’t stick to his face, you thought it was funny, a grown man with some flower pins.

“I look pretty?” He asked, jokingly, he sensed you were looking at him, maybe he just trusted you enough to had his guard down.

“The hair pins fit you”

“Thanks for the compliment”

“Can I draw you?”

“Hmm?”

“Sketch you, you know, to practice”

He opened his eyes, and looked up at you, narrowing his eyes slightly which you gave back at him and which he let out a small smile at that gesture, what it did to look down for a moment and chuckle lightly, a low chuckle, one that could draw anyone head over heels from him. “Like a French girl?”

“I’m not Jack to ask you that, Do I look like Leo?”

“Not really” he said as he sat up, and tried to brush his hair down, he had casual clothes on, some old gray tee and some black sweatpants, nice he has enough trust to be like that around you, around your home. “You sure you want to though?, isn’t too basic how I look?”

“Basic?, hell no, you look nice” *so damn nice*

“Fine, I’ll trust your artistic judgement”

As you stood up and stretched yourself, your waist could be seen, nothing too lewd or anything but you could see he looked away, like, not seeing what he didn’t had to see in case it got up a little bit more, you just sighed out quietly, and went out your room to get your sketchbook and some pencils, as you went back he was lying in bed again, forearm resting on his forehead near his eyes and the mask on the bedside table. You walked until you were in the opposite side of the bed leaning down slightly to tap over his palm, tracing a lazy line on top of it once he moved his arm away and held your hand gently.

“It tickles” he said quietly, moving it away gently and sitting up again. “So, since I don’t need to undress and wear an expensive jewel, what do I do?”

“Oh, right… just, sit and you know… be yourself?”

“Just… be me?” He chuckled. “I’ll just sit and stare at you, does that work?”

“Uhm, yeah, that works, that could work, I think”

“Great”

You kneeled on top of the bed beside were his knees were to be close but to get a good sight at him and get his portrait nice enough for him, it was a practice so there’s wasn’t much to be worried about. At the traces of the graphite of the pencils started to work on top of the paper, your eyes narrowing to catch more details about his face, you didn’t knew what his nose was but there was something hard about drawing it, you tried your best to make it work. You leaned in reaching for the hair pins away his hair, and you could swear his breath hitched as you did so, even almost involuntarily you could see how he leaned back, almost to avoid something.

You placed the pins beside you, and brushed down his hair again, too gentler to not be on purpose, a finger tracing casually along his cheek as you went back to the sketching, then moving it up to show it at him, it as better than the last one indeed. “Thoughts about it?”

“Is” he cleared his throat. “Is nice but, hmm… why does my nose looks weird though?”

“Oh” you said, moving to be sat next to him and to stare at the drawing, it wasn’t a full portrait or anything so you could blame that. Or not. “Holy cow, it looks bad”

“Pfff, holy cow…” he murmured while he laughed quietly raspy.

You placed the sketchbook next to his face, to look at the differences, unconsciously you placed a hand on his cheek, to get if the dimension was in place or if you messed it up as well, which you couldn’t figure out, drawing men was not your strength yet, but, with your touch you could see that he swallowed, and looked away from you.

The ambience in the room suddenly was heavy, what made you realize you were closer to him that what you intended to be, but you didn’t moved away.

Leaving the sketchbook beside you and as you moved the pencils fell on the soft carpet, a quiet thud from them, you looked back up at him, and placed your other hand on his cheek, your breath came out shaky, the actions you were making were slowly sinking in which made you nervous, but you decided to continue, you moved his hair away from his face, to look at him without any inconvenience, god, he was gorgeous… and you felt his touch reaching on your waist, careful as if to not taking the situation in the wrong way , cautious, as he trace lazy lines with his thumb over your clothes, his eyes looking at his hands, following by a glance towards your face and falling down your lips, you could hear him breath out quietly.

You just closed your eyes and leaned in to give him a quick peck on the lips, to then lean back, testing the land before regretting it.

He breathed out and held gently your cheek, brushing the hair out your face away, and before you got time to say something again, you were interrupted by his lips on yours, moving softly as if to enjoy yours, both of his hands moving to hold your waist, gripping over it lightly which made you gasp not the enough experience to react other way, sadly it was what made him stop the kiss, you were almost mourning the taste of them the second they were apart from yours.

“Did I hurt you?” He asked as soon as he stopped, his eyes worried as you felt dizzy, a silly smile playing along your lips as you were catching your breath. “Or you want me to stop?, is okay, really”

“No, no…” you breathed out, urgent to give an answer, to not let him pull back, to not let him move away from you. “It just- It just took me by surprise”

“I’ll keep my hands in control then”

“Oh, okay, yeah, that’s great” you murmured, looking away for a moment only to be drawn back to his eyes, a hand on your cheek again, his thumb brushing gently on your lower lip, he leaned in this time, placing a gentle kill on the outline of your lips, almost too sweet for not being on purpose.

He let his hand slide only near your jawline, not going down in any mean, like, just to be touching you, maybe for realize what he was doing, to let his actions sink in completely, the rough fingers turning into the softest silk you could ever feel while they were against your skin, you didn’t knew if he intended to let it feel like that or if it just came out naturally. How could he look so good in some old clothes?, how could his kiss felt so nicely comforting while his lips were on yours?.

Your agitated breath just by kissing was giving him the sign that maybe was an indicating to him that he couldn’t control what could happen afterwards, how could affect your relationship?, would you stop talking to him after?, would he stop talking at you afterward?, would both of you mistake what you two were?, were you two something?, nah, you were just good friends, right?, friends of years. As soon as you knew you were on his lap, holding gently from his shoulders, the nervousness slowly overpowering you yet your hands wondered through his sides until you were tugging down his shirt, he looked at your eyes, you were better if he took off his shirt first, rather than his incredible physique you could feel less vulnerable if you weren’t the first shirtless there.

You heard him chuckle at it but breath out nervously, was he nervous?, nah, why he would be?

“Hey, wait…” he muttered out, a hand on the small of your back, not stopping you though. “Before, anything I mean, let me… let me get something, yeah?”

You were snapped back to reality and blushed immediately. “Ah?”

He kissed you again, and almost in an act of faith her moved back slightly, not to let you fall from his lap, just taking his shirt off, it was indeed a great sight to be seen, letting your eyes flutter as you take in the sight, seeing it as an adult and without blood and bruises was a great plus and you gently traced alongside from his chest down to his waist, solid indeed.

“Now, I’ll be quick, don’t worry” he said and said and done, he was placing you on top of bed as he sat up and stood up, leaving the room so quickly that you took a second to process it, was he running away? Why did he moved so fast?, was that a door opening?, but it wasn’t your room… was he leaving?, or was he just thinking about it?, why was he so quiet?, you heard the water running…

Then he appeared back on the door frame, breath shaky as he walked towards you again, reaching the sides of the bed and pulling down his pants, you only could let out an “ oh ” before he just laid down on top of you and started kissing you again, you loved it, yes, but it was too much to digest after thinking he just was leaving.

“ Calm down ” you managed to murmur between the kiss, your heart was beating so fast that you could compare it to a tachycardia by the nervousness that was going through your body. He pulled away, breathing harder almost realizing what was going on, he didn’t knew what to say so he just nodded and sighed, kissing your forehead.

“Okay” he murmured and help you sat up, moving you to his lap again, his hands on your waist underneath your shirt, moving them up slowly, you felt like your heart was going to run away from your body in any time, once he almost reached your chest he stop it. “Im going to take it off, you good?”

You nodded.

With skill you took your shirt off, letting it on top of the bed, leaving it aside, he could see your chest moving up so he moved in and gave you a peck on the lips to then start kissing along your neck, reaching down your collarbone, moving down the bra’s braces but not yet removing it, yo moved his face so you could kiss him again kiss which he returned quite easily slowly groping your boobs making you whimper quietly, you felt his smile against your lips “ Don’t take it off ” he heard you whisper, almost too shy to be undressed in front of him.

“Yeah, don’t worry” he said quietly, reassuring. “By the way, have you…?”

You shook your head as a no, by the statistics you were almost an anomaly by the time, and somehow you could hear the surprise in his voice, it wasn’t intended to made you ashamed, he was just surprised someone as nice and pretty as you didn’t well, had it. “I see, If I do anything that feels off, tell me and I’ll stop, ‘kay?”

“Yeah, I’ll do it”

“Have you… done nothing, nothing?” He had to ask, to know if he wasn’t completely new territory, in the end, you didn’t had as much experience as other woman, right?

“Oh, uhm, I mean, hands and that’s all” you answered, looking away in the meantime. “Mine”

“Okay, got it” he said, another chuckle leaving his lips, it was always that soothing and attractive to hear?

You went back to the kissing in and as you asked he left the bra on, holding you by your hips, the kisses were making you squirm slightly, which made his body of course have a reaction you could feel and listen to his gasps, “Can I?” You heard him whisper, managing to avoid you looking down at the bulge in his boxers with his hands on your stomach.

“Yeah”

“‘Kay” he slowly moved his hand down inside your shorts but above your panties, rubbing up and down to get you to say if anything was wrong or if you felt uncomfortable and when he was just a few seconds into the moment you cradled your arms over his shoulders as you leaned to hide your face on the crook of his neck as you tried to breath in and out to not let out any sudden loud moan, and he was still going easy on you.

“Feeling good?” He said, almost flattering himself about his work, as he started circular motions over your clit over the panties. There was something different, there was something different about being touched by someone else rather than your own touch… there was something different about him touching you, the pace?, that you could just enjoy it?, the arousal about the situation?, how the silence made the movement be the only sound was the one of your clothes?

“I won’t answer that” you mumbled.

“Yeah, sorry” he breathed out almost more excited than you. “Can I take them off?” He asked as he held the hems of your shorts, eager to took them out.

You nodded again, moving a little to make it easier for him, the rustling of your clothes being removed made you nervous but his words right after made more effect. “Oh God… I’ll touch you directly, yeah?”

“Yeah”

At your affirmation he slide his hand under the already wet panties, you hear it, almost biting his lip at the sight and feeling, some curses as he started actually rubbing over your clit, the hand holding your hips went to help and spread out a little more your legs so he had an easier access, as he increased the pace against your cunt, your breath agitated against his neck, you felt how he slide your panties to the side, wet enough to not work anymore. His finger rubbed over your entrance, just one, for practice he thought, entering slowly and going out as slowly, then thrusting inside you with a contemplated pace, managing to take the moans out of you, taking it as a signal to add another finger and keeping up the pace until you held his wrist to make his stop, it was getting overwhelming, usually you just stopped before it so you lasted long than usual.

“Wait…” you breathed out slowly looking up back at him and leaned to kiss him, to distract him and make him cease the movement completely. “Hold on…”

“Did I hurt you?” He asked, pulling them out slowly if it was the case.

“No, no, I just… felt like too much”

“Too much?”

“I have never reach this far” you breathed out and looked down at his hand, sainting eagerly to continue. “But… i want more” you said quietly, too shy to admit it out loud but bold enough to let your hand slide and give some pats over his bulge, it was how you were supposed to do it?, you don’t have clue.

“…” he looked up at you and planted a kiss on your forehead, then on the lips and gave you an smile, nodding and lifting you up in his arms bridal-style to lay you in bed and sitting beside you to rub over his boxers, leaving some gasps at it, as he reached down the floor, there was what he was looking for moments ago, a condom.

“Oh, you are prepared?” You asked jokingly, to relax a little in the meantime.

“Just a secure” he replied jokingly, his smile softening a little. “I didn’t knew this was going happen to be honest, but hey, better than going to the drug store in the middle time, right?” He said, pulling down his boxers as his dick jumped freely from the fabric, making you swallow in surprise and some distress.

“Damn” you let out. Looking down and then at his face. “Wow, I mean, I’ll shut up, I doubt I should keep speaking”

“Pff…” he let out as he skillfully opened the condom and put it on, too much practice you thought as you looked at him, slide it in as easier as it could be seen. “No, is okay, I talked a lot at my first too, so, don’t worry, and… I think is good to talk, in case I do something wrong, you know?”

He then moved slowly on top of you, caressed your cheek, too sweetly. “You ready?”

“I think?” You said in response, there was no better answer than that, not like you could say a hundred times yes. “I mean, yeah, I am, for the consent and such”

“Okay,” he laughed quietly at that, not making fun of you just by the choose of words to use to express that. “Good to know”

With that he removed your panties, and let them fall on the floor, he would pick up ‘em later. You held one of his hands, intertwining your fingers with his, to hold onto more support before anything, and which he provided, squeezing gently to let you know that he cared, or he intended to care at least. With a slow move he slide inside of you, you tighten your hold with his hand, as he reassured you that the discomfort would soon end, it wasn’t on the daily basis so he understood how it could feel.

When everything inch was inside your folds, placed carefully and slowly to made you dismiss the discomfort, with a nod he started moving in and out, slowly to made you used to it, lifting your free hand to place it on his cheek, a command for him to lean in and he attended to the call and leaned down to kiss you, a difference os softly while his hips were increasing the pace with the reference of your moans or pleas to slow down or increase the pace was leading both of you to a nice as sweaty close call.

The wet sounds of his thrust and of the some kisses in the mean time were pretty much filling the room, smelling like him and his thumb rubbing at your clit the most of the time was adding to the experience a hard way to compare to to further ones… with him?

Nah.

You could hear his whimpers, he’s not the one to stay quiet you thought but you definitely enjoyed it, it was driving you crazy, you wish you didn’t had the urge to kiss him so you could only hear that.

You were loosing strength, was it an orgasm?, you didn’t quite know… if it was he did wanders because it was feeling some kind of electric feeling, was he feeling like that too?… you looked up at his face, almost like he noticed he kept up the steady pace until you held him by his neck, a loud vivid moan that just interrupted itself by you biting onto his shoulder, shaky breathing as you heard him moaning as well, less vivid, more raspy, you could hear his heartbeat when he stopped the thrusts.

As he avoided falling on top of you, his arms seemed out of strength so he felt on the side of your bed, next to you, his breath quivering, his sweaty forehead keeping his hair on his face, you looked down at the condom still on him, full of his cum before a sudden flash of strength hit him and sat up, hiding from you as he once again skillfully took it off and with a quick knot throw it into the trash.

You were barely recovering your breath, millions of questions filling your mind, flooding your mind with thoughts about it, what could you say, should you ask what you are?

No.

Hell no.

“So that is sex huh” you muttered, great way to finish the first time, wasn’t it?

“Pff, yeah, is what sex is” he said, too casual, that gave a strange feeling to your chest. “You should go to the restroom, you know, to, aha”

“Oh, yeah, right, piss right after, I learn that, don’t worry”. You said and sat up, still a little weak by the whole thing “Give me a second, to, get my strength back”

“Let me” he said, still full naked which made something to you, he carried you once again bridal-style kissing you and walking towards the bathroom, that reassured you somehow, you didn’t knew if it was on purpose but it was better than nothing. You noticed a scar on his shoulder, and many other ones, some marked veins as well, how odd.

Chapter Text

On the opposite of your thought (that you were so glad that you were in the wrong), he asked if he could take a shower you didn’t washed together, for your own sake you think or you let yourself think, after you were done he went inside, he had stayed more than enough to have some clothes to change to as well some products of his own, to shave, shampoo and such, often you lend him moisturizing lotion, he says yours works better than his.

With his longs stays-by’s you haven’t smoked in almost a fortnight already and the anxiety was consuming you,  so after wearing your pajamas and with a towel along your shoulders and since he took long to shower you decided to sneak into to your own studio, getting the so needed packet hanging so pretty on the desk and the lighter of course. Once in the small balcony and the cigarette light up you just leaned against the frame, looking at the city, the cold air of the night hitting, your mom would say you were going to get sick with the hair without drying it, but the mental crisis after sex was something very new… did men had it as well?, seeing how easygoing Leon was afterwards you doubt it, or maybe it was just something you got?, no… you have read about it, it was something.

Taking another drag of the cig casually until you heard steps behind you, Leon with a towel and a blanket in his hands, one being placed on your head and the other one replacing the towel on your shoulders, his hair was still wet, staying on his forehead, it was funny, like he rushed out as soon as he got dressed he went after you, the only inconvenient is that you had still a cigarette between your fingers and that you almost blow the smoke on his face, to not fuck it up even more you quickly blew the air in the opposite direction, avoiding his gaze as he was the first one to speak. “You smoke, hmm?”

“Never intended for you to know”

“Never?, not the first time I saw someone smoking” he pointed out, his gaze was on you, his head tilted to the side, taking in the image you gave while smoking, you couldn’t tell if he was looking at you with a disgusting expression or a fascinated one. “I’m just surprised that’s what I meant to say”

“Surprised” you muttered, didn’t expect to hear his voice being so calm about it.

“Yet, I still think is bad, I don’t hate you, kid- [___]” he immediately corrected himself, after fucking someone calling them kid would be weird, really weird, after almost messing it up he looked away before continuing. “Is getting cold, baby”

*Baby*, you didn’t quite expect that either, you weren’t opposing at it, in the opposite you were as into it as it could. “Let’s get inside, [___]”

“Yeah… Is getting colder” you said, taking one last drag of the cigarette before looking for where to turn it off, as you were done you two went back inside your apartment, you offered to dry his hair which he accepted, you on top of his lap but in a less lewd way, as you finished drying out his hair he offered to do the same for you, he struggled a little bit more with yours, him chuckling when he didn’t knew where was left to dry and brushing your hair down with his fingers as he did so, mimicking what you did with his hair, after what he considered that you hair was ready you reached for a hairbrush, him claiming that his hair would be all messy in the morning and that it was worthless to brush his hair at that time he offered to only brush your hair when he was done you two laid on bed.

As you two were laying in bed together and since you took the the chance you head laid on his chest, you two were both quiet for a time but as you fingers ran along his shirtless frame, once you reached his left shoulder you noticed a scar it didn’t heal quite well, it wasn’t one of the many’s you helped bandaging along that nights as a kid, in fact, you realized it has been there since the first bandaging you made along his wounds many nights, as you shifted your position slightly to look at it, your fingers tracing over trying to figure out how he got that.

“Is it ugly?”  He asked quietly as his fingers gently brushed down your hair, gentle caresses. “Shame I didn’t knew you back then, most of the ones you took care of are looking pretty fine”

“I didn’t said it was ugly”

“Oh… is not?”

“No, I mean, not the sexiest our cutest thing someone could see but, is not ugly, Im just… wondering how?”

“How?, How I got it?”

“Yep”

“Is ‘cause a bullet” he said, waiting for your reaction, when you stopped tracing it he continued. “I jumped over someone to protect her, she bandaged over it but since I decided to pass out not in the cleanest place and I wasn’t treated the way it should a couple days later, it turned out bigger than it should”

“Wow wow wow- You jumped over someone, like, all movie style?“

“Pff… movie style, you can call it like that, just, the other person was running away and tried to shot her, well, she did and I had to get into action, so I covered her, amazing, right?”

“What the… why?, how did you even got involved into that situation…” you said, leaning up and kissing over his cheek, trying to reassure something that went over almost two decades ago, or more?, you have no clue, so all you got to do was lean back onto his chest, patting over it.

“Hey… Don’t feel bad for asking… it has been like… twenty-five years or something, easy” he said, shifting his position down to be laying more properly and closer to you as he leaned in and gave a quick peck on the over your lips, smiling at you as he brush the hair away from your forehead to then lean to it and give a quick kiss on it as well. “Still not sleepy?, because Im kind off already…”

“Oh, yeah, Kind off… I use to be at the studio at this time but… yeah, I can sleep, sure” you said quietly just like him, did he forced himself to stay awake?, to give some kind of after care, does any of this counted as aftercare or not?, at least he took the time to it. “Im tired too”

“‘Kay” he murmured, reaching to turn off the bed night lamp then reaching for the covers and sheets to cover up both of you. “Goodnight”

“Night.”

(…)

It was around 6 a.m, you weren’t a fan of waking up early but the somewhat culpability of the aftermath was still lingering around your mind so your rest wasn’t the best thing you could have so, after the usual hygiene routine you followed, you had a nourishing sheet mask while making breakfast, something sweet was the best option you thought for pampering yourself a little, making some waffles batter and drinking some ice americano to keep awake so early, soft music playing from your phone in the background. As you wondered if you should do something for Leon since it was so early and he seemed to asleep to wake up any sooner until you felt a pair of arms around you wrapping around your stomach, his nose falling on the crook of your neck sighing.

“Why are you awake so early” you heard his voice, a raspy tone at the end of his words, he was barely woke up but he had the decency of brushing his teeth before spawn behind you. As he left lazy kisses along your neck and leaned over to see, vaguely.

“I stood up earlier, my sleep schedule is kind of messed up so, is normal” It wasn’t normal to be awake at 6:00 am after such an experience, yet, you couldn’t stop your hand of reaching to his hair and brush it down, you would say this is how you see as a married couple but since you don’t see it as that just afar for what you see in movies, you couldn’t describe it as it, so you would label it as more after-aftercare. “You should go back to sleep, is too early”

“Nope, Im already awake, let me wear a shirt and come back” she said, one last kiss lingering on your neck as she rushed to the bedroom.

After he changed and you finished making (And thrown away the mask) you started placing the things on the table, he was strangely a morning person, which you would never figure out, as a kid he wasn’t really happy to be waken up at an early time, but you guess the therapy might have make wonders by that time. His eyes looked sleepy but kind of happy and relaxed, it was comforting saw someone like that in the morning, to not have a frown since the very begging of the day, in the opposite of you who tended to had a grumpy attitude while taking breakfast and staring into an specific point while doing so.

“Would you like a tea?, coffee?, matcha?, tequila?, all are good choices for breakfast” you said as you placed the toppings on top of the table so he could decide what to add on top. You could hear a chuckle coming from him.

“A coffee, but I can make it” he said, standing up and walking next to you in the kitchen. “Tequila so early?, it might be a good option but I wouldn’t handle it”

Forty-seven years old quick hard it seems, you might be lying, if you had tequila that early you wouldn’t be able to stand up before fainting so, he had a good point, as he reached for the coffee pot beside you, his hand sliding gently along you lower back as if he made you notice he was going to be closer to you, so you wouldn’t freak out or anything. A soft smile as he reached for a cup on the counter and as he poured some coffee in it, as your eyes crossed he gave you a more wide smile leaning down closer to give the top of your head a kiss.

“Let’s have breakfast, hmm?” He said calmly, your drink of choice in hand as you both walked to the table and you sitting down as you used to and giving him the free choice of sitting wherever he wanted to, it wasn’t the biggest table or anything but at least there were a couple more of chairs to chose from.

As you started eating and he chose to sit beside you, a few compliments at the easy meal before getting into it.

“Hey, I wondered… you had a scar between your chest, I don’t want to ruin anything but… I didn’t remember that it looked like that, or if it was there” You asked, cautiously as you poured chocolate onto the waffle, waiting for his answer and avoiding the probable judging gaze he could give you by invading his privacy like that, or his job.

“Oh… that” He murmured, not mad but his voice was kind of confused that you asked it so out of the blue. “Uhm, you remember?, when I came back all beaten up and you had to bandage me up before I actually agreed to go to a hospital, your dad took me to the hospital actually”

“At midnight?,”

“Yep, at midnight” he said, taking a bite of his waffles.

“Yeah, you had a lot of bruises, like if you fought something three times bigger than you”

“I kind of did, several actually, maybe around ten, or less, it’s been like 27 years, is hard to recall all of them”. He said, so casually for something so revealing as that with so much patience and easiness. “You want to know?, you’ve seen my injured body since little, so, I think you can now know how it get there what you bandaged”

“Do I have like… the access to know that?”

“I won’t tell names so you don’t have to worry over classified stuff”

“I don’t want to be followed by the government or any of the similar” you said, taking a sit of your drink, it sounded out of the movie, you knew the kind of work he did, it was the only way he could have met your father, otherwise it wouldn’t be possible of him being more likely the best of friends. “I don’t want to run away, so…”

“Nobody will follow you, I swear” he said, a chuckle escaping his lips, how pretty he looked chuckling, it was astonishing. “I’ll make sure of that”

“I trust you in that, then, I’m all ears”

“The scar, on my chest, mostly I think, is because I had to have an express surgery while in that mission, and since I passed out and the person who did it was a little overwhelmed I believe and since it was a clandestine lab and we didn’t had time to be all worried about what it did, as soon as we were good we needed to move”

“Wha, wait, why did you had a surgery?” You interrupted him, eyes wide by the drop of info just like that.

“To make it quick, I was sent to rescue someone, that’s why you didn’t saw me for a time, your dad actually dropped me at the airport at first, he was one of the ones who knew, that’s why he wasn’t surprised when I was like-passed out on your house couch” He explained, a chuckle leaving his lips. “However, soon I found out that they were crazy people, you know?, the cults and such?, you assume they always delirious religious people right?”

“Yeah, most of the times at least…”

“It turned out they were, crazy religious people but not quite willingly, they were… like, here, lemme…” he said, doodling a some kind of scorpion on top of a paper towel and a pen that was on top of the table, the doodle not as similar as one, you couldn’t figure out why it got many slim tails, you tilted your head to the side trying to get the idea completely at the not very well designed drawing. “Like controlled by this thing, it was really scared and gross looking at it…”

He sighed and drank a sip of coffee, sliding the doodle near you so you could make the idea of it. “Like, mechas or something?”

“Not like that, I mean, they were indeed controlled by them but not exclusively, there was a leader that as if it was a submarine made them all move, mine didn’t get to the point of acting so like a lamb foolish following that person, here, look…” he said as he moved his shirt up so calmly to show you the few veins that popped up for that. “Come on, you already saw everything, I don’t want you to worry for something over two decades ago…”

Cleaning your throat to try and act chill out of the half undressed man beside the table, and with a slight pink shade on your cheeks you leaned in a little bit to see once again the veins, you lifter your hand, looking up at him for a silent request of touching it with a nod you traced lightly between his chest, it looked healed, at least. “Does it hurt still?, or it ever hurt?”

“Nope, not now at least, so worry not, im safe and sound” he said, wearing his shirt properly again and taking the last bite of waffles afterwards.

(…)

He spend the rest of the day with you, cooking the meal, the dinner, you found out he had a more than decent cookings skills, it wasnt a world class delicacy or anything similar like that but at least decent one. By midnight he claimed that he had to go back to his apartment, that he had some assignments to do at his work and that he forgot to cancel his appointment at therapy and he had to go, only God Knows what the poor therapist would be witness of.

Chapter Text

The communication you have had with Leon since that day has been based on texts, some calls while he cooked something and said he had the free hands to call you and not not know about you, you reassured him that you were alright, it wasn’t very life-threatening to left you without knowing about him, you knew, now well enough that he might have way more of a busy life than you would’ve have imagined but in a contrast of what you thought he didn’t sounded exhausted or agitated of coming back from something dangerous, just a glint of anxiety in his voice every-time he called you, like a child that was scowled and was still wondering if he could talk.

➿——————————————————————————————➿

“Leon, stop looking at the floor, we’ve have done great advances, why aren’t you talking today?” His therapist implored him to at least answer the question of how his week went, that man had the patience of a saint by handling Leon’s lack of talk but still figuring out the thoughts of his mind (Through homework’s, of course, he wasn’t a mentalist). “Did something went wrong in a mission?, is that why you don’t want to speak?”

“No, I haven’t went on missions in a while, actually, Im taking a break of them, I apologize that I didn’t inform you about it when I ask for permission and when they gave me the permission” Leon heard the sigh of the man before him, writing down on the paper.  “Actually…”

That caught the therapist attention, looking up at him and shifting his position on his chair, pen in hand as he heard attentively, looking how Leon was staring at the now so interesting green carpet on the floor beneath him, his fingers felt cold and his hands felt like they were frozen up. “How do I put this?… um,”

“Like it is, I’ll try and help you find the words” The therapist said calmly, he had heard a lot of things so, he was prepared.

“I-, uh, Do you remember that I told that got back in contact with someone I know?” Leon said, trying to get the doctor ready for the punchline of the not likely disguised joke he was about to throw.

“Yeah, the painter, right?”

“Yep, exactly, that one, that girl, yeah, aha…”

“Did… did you stopped speaking with her?”

“Nope, In fact, I bought a painting, I think I already told you that, um, yeah, I did, I already told you that, is very pretty, actually the small one there is from her” He said, pointing at a small frame behind the therapist head, which he didn’t quite look at, to avoid that he might use it to distract him and leave out of nowhere.

“Well, she’s a great artist, Im glad that I own something of someone you appre-”

“I slept with her”

The silence that followed after that confession could be felt by passing a hand between the both of them, the therapist tilted his head to the side, in disbelief of the info he has just received, a gulp from Leon clearing the silence a little bit, looking up at him for a moment, like taking in the expression that his therapist had, moving his head to the side a little, maybe he would’ve haven’t said it so bluntly.

“Oh, why, why is this a topic to bring into the talk?”

“I feel guilty, grossed with myself, like, I shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have took what I shouldn’t have?, I shouldn’t even be talking about it now, you know?, like, im just giving away her privacy for telling something Im not sure about…”

“Well, if you two were good about it, there was consent and all was safe, I’m having trouble figuring out why is it having you so… panicked about it”

“Yes, I know, but, God…”

“God?”

“I know her since she was a kid, she’s my best friend child, that’s incredibly fucking disgusting- from me, it is from my part”

“Oh, that, I see, I think I understand” the therapist said, shifting on his chair again, clearing his throat to try to come as easy and calm in Leon’s predicament, a deep breath from him to control his face at least. “Did she showed any discomfort afterwards?”

“No?, yes?, she looked a little too thoughtful afterwards, and I acted as soon as it ended a little distant, not like I left her on the bed and left her home or anything, what… she just…”

“She just?”

“It shouldn’t have been me”

➿———————————————————➿

Since the absence of Leon was still there you put hands to work and started packing some of the previous finished paintings for delivery, in that ones you had to do it, they said they could sell them at a higher price for that so you wouldn’t say no to the extra money for a little of extra work. After the plans of the next exhibition started to settle in, at least the beginnings of the idea were in your mind and your manager was searching for places to do it you were assigned to paint but you decided to drive to the second possible place.

“I know is grey and kind of the depressed vibe but the light inside is, chef kiss” Your manager, Joe, said opening the door of the place.

“I don’t even have enough paintings to fill this place” you replied looking around still on the door frame.

“I know, but, the last painting you send photo of were between blue and green and I thought that if the theme is between that colors the place would have some reflects and fill the place with some aquamarine lights that would make people buy it…?”

“No. I’m not selling those, they were for a gift”

“A gift, Uh, A gift…” Joe mumbled, sighing and leaning his forehead on a nearby wall, sighing and praying to some random God to help him had patience. “Okay, but, look at the place, is pretty, with the adequate decorations we could make any effect, just, visualize it, ‘kay?”

“Yeah, yeah… I have an idea, for the main paintings, that you are so eager to see and sell”

“I don’t live air-based [___], so, let’s sell and eat”

“Where do you spend the money you earn?, we gain the same amount, you should manage your spends better than that-”

“Yeah, I know, im sorry, I’ll think about my actions, ma’am”

“Ma’am?, Im younger than you-” You said, or tried to said but he had you moving, like if he wanted to move you away of that place, on purpose and not to see around, getting to move to the side of a hallway. “Hey, what are you-”

“Ah!, is it her?” You hear a voice said, a female voice, it turned out they were two. “[___]?, yeah, isn’t she too young?, to have the ego like that I mean, she is not that great…”

“Shhh” Joe murmured.

“Haven’t you see?, she’s might have troubles with her dad, look” you managed to see her taking up her phone, you tilted your head to the side, you didn’t had that much trouble with your dad to be show-business news, the one with problems was your dad and mom, what was up with them. “Someone took a picture of a man practically living in her apartment for quite a while, he looks older and hot”

You heard a gasp.

“Slut!”

At a cafeteria Joe convinced you to go to after the not so happy visits to the possible-exhibition place, and you were sat on the chair in front of him, staring at your untouched glass of water, a concerned expression on your face. His coffee in hand, maybe the third of the day, looking at you concerned, sipping on it, him more relaxed, but it was just the caffeine not making effect yet.

“Are you dating someone?”

“Im not going to be dating you, is stupid to date managers-”

“Hell no, I didn’t meant that, no, nuh uh. That guy, man, holy moly, he looks older than me…” he said, taking his phone to show you the paintings you send him, the doodles of Leon and the portrait of Leon between them, when he saw you made an expression he snapped his fingers. “I knew it, you are dating him, I’m always the best at catching this stuff”

“I’m not” you replied, turning his phone off and finally drinking the cold water.

“Ah?”

“I’m not dating someone, that was the question and im answering”

“You… you are not?, how is that it? Are you like… just, friends?, friends with benefits?, fuckbuddys?, something like that? Or just some random man you met some random day and now you are the best of friends?”

“What- Why you even care?, Im out of the media, Im not showing off or anything…”

“You are right, okay, I’ll take that, is your life, your private life, but…” he sighed. “You have made beautiful things since you get in touch with him and Im pleased with that, I swear but… I don’t wat people to call you a slut-”

“Because your gold mine might disappear?”

“Fuck, no, I didn’t meant that…” her took a sip of his coffee to calm down and look at you. “Had he gone to far with you?, had he done something to bother you and make you stay with him?”

“No, he’s been nothing but sweet- I’ve known him for a long time, he’s not a new person that I just met, He hasn’t done anything but improve my art for good, and if you are worried that I might end up pregnant I will not, is not in my sooner or later plans to have a kid, I swear, don’t kill your mind over that”

“Im worried about you, [___], I don’t want you to have a mental crisis over a middle aged man”

“I’m not having a mental crisis, Im not coming to my senses because there’s nothing to freak out, I swear, it won’t affect negatively over my job” You said, folding your arms over your chest, sure of the words you said, secure all was going to be alright.

“If it does, don’t doubt to call me… please?”

“Yeah, I will…” even though you doubted that something wrong could happen.

(…)

After agreeing to had that place as a first choice to use it for the next exhibition and after that Joe drove you back to the building of  your apartment, as you reached to the floor where you were you noticed a couple outside of your door, you sighed, you didn’t had the energy to left and come back at another hour so you just walked towards your apartment waiting for the best. As you were getting closer you noticed who they were, as a *shit* escaped your lips quietly and as they notice who you were they immediately went closer and noisy.

“[___]!, there you are” Your mom said, waving and giving you a hug and your dad patting over your head.

“Hi… you should have called, I was going to be outside for a while…” You said as soon as she set you free from the hug, turning to open the door of the apartment, so you could see if anything from Leon was out of place to be seen by them, unless they entered and saw every room of your place. “Were you waiting for a long time?”

“No, about thirty minutes, but we waited in the car, so don’t worry”  Your dad said, you sighed in a not so genuine relief.

“We heard you got in contact with Leon again” your mom pointed out, stepping inside the apartment without further asking as your dad went inside as well you closed the door, bringing back the spirituality into your body and praying that your mom wouldn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, that motherhood gut was terrifying “He said he went to your exhibition, I’m sorry we weren’t there”

“Don’t worry, you two went to the very first one, so is not a big deal… I’ll do another one, sooner or not so sooner, im still working on it with Joe” You replied, washing your hands on the kitchen, it was the safest place to do so without them wandering around, after you did that you gave the two of them a glass of water, you swallowed your water wishing it was something stronger to not mess it up, “Yeah, he wen’t he even bought one”

“Yes, he showed us a pic of the one he bought, he had a good taste choosing that one, I love it” your mom said, was she making you talk?, to slip something?, nah, you were overthinking.

“Indeed, he could’ve had bought other one” your dad murmured as he sat down on the couch. “If he became so supportive”

“He has always been supporting on my art though, and they were too expensive, didn’t want to let him in ruin” you said, jokingly as you drank half of the water in one go.

“Have you see each other apart from that?” She asked.

“We exchanged numbers” you replied immediately, drinking the rest of the water, oh lord, save me from this you thought, the fear of the beginning of a talk started to creep in. “Why?”

“Oh, is just… he commented you went back to smoking, we were worried, that’s all” She said, so, he just mentioned that you smoked, it was a good scenery, they only knew that. “We thought that you handled to get out of there, are you stressing over your art?”

“Oh, yeah… but is not as bad as before, the packet I bought is almost full, I swear” They both nodded, your mom staring at you a little longer, like if she noticed something or was trying to read over something over your attitude, you smiled at her, what could it go wrong, it was the best disguise at the wondering gaze of your mom trying to see if you changed your expression at her for a little time. “I didn’t smoke today or about a week or two, I guess, im not falling into an addiction or anything, just one here and there, for the anxiety and such”

“I believe you, you are grown, just checking over my child that’s all” she said, leaving the glass on the little table and standing up walking to your studio but failing to open the door, you relaxed but as she went to open the bathroom you panicked.

“Ah!,no, no, no wait-” you said, trying to get in her way but failing as she opened the bathroom, finger covering over you mouth as your mom stood there, watching the few things Leon left on the bathroom and that you foolishly left there for his next visit, you looked away for a second trying to make something up about the things they knew he used, like, God, they even bought them for him a couple times when he stayed at their house. You swallowed and with the worst excuse you proceed to talk again. “You, you remember the pink tax?, I started to try out some of the men things, you know, to know if they fitted me and such, so, advised by Leon I bought that things…”

Your mom stared at the things in the bathroom, you heard a sigh after your nonsense explanation about it, she moved her head as a no, didn’t scream or anything, you thought it was working, since from your perspective she was nodding, she just turned off the lights from the bathroom and closed the door. “Dear, can… let’s go the park, hmm?” She didn’t believed it.

Neither him. “[___], What is this?” You hear your dad say, when did he went inside your room?, why did he went inside?. “Why you have this?” He asked, one of the Leon’s shirt gripped on his hand, a frown slowly setting on his face as he stood outside from your room. “Did he stayed?”

It wasn’t his business.

“Just one night, he slept on the couch and he might have forget that, I don’t know I was… I was painting” you said trying to avoid them for thinking something else, even if it happened you didn’t wanted to other people to know, even less your parents.

“You only smoke when you are painting or when you are stressed, tell us the truth… [___], we’re not mad, just why is this here?” Your dad said calmly, you felt how you went slowly going pale, your breathing hitching by second.

“[___], dear, let’s go to the park, hmm?, to get some air” your mother said, flushing your dad a glance that meant I got this, shut it .

You sighed, stepping closer to lock your room and had the keys in case he went inside and saw something else that he might not be happy to see, your concerned frown being stared by your dad as you went outside the apartment, as if he was disappointed, disappointed of what?, did he figured out?, were they there because of that?.

You and your mom were in the elevator, it felt more slow than usual, your hair falling to the sides of your face, trying to make a barrier so the most likely judgemental gaze that she might be giving you, you felt your hand paralyzed, swallowing to try to show off some security left. The sun was setting, leaving a nice orange-ish setting, something soothing at last, it would be a nice walk towards the walk if it wasn’t for the circumstances, as you two reached some free benches and sat on top of them facing some of the kids play place.

“Dear”  your mom started, looking at you, but you were facing other way. “Did something bad happened between the two of you?”

“No” you said simply, in the end it wasn’t bad.

“Did something happened between the two of you?” She asked instead, trying to sound like you could say it to her, that you didnt had to hide something from her, it was your mom, you could trust her. “You are grown, you can do as you wish, but, you know, we know him more, just that…”

“We didn’t did anything” you replied, better to prevent that to mess up.

“Why was his shirt there then?”

“Now you worry about me?, I know him better than I know you two” you said, looking away, avoidant.

“Please, [___], tell me, I won’t judge, the thrill might be the thing that keeps you by his side or maybe-”

“Im… Im not ending up pregnant, if that’s the fucking worry you two have- Since your mind flies to improbability’s” You said, but the moment you let a pause speak first, you knew you fucked up really badly, you looked at you pockets, sighing but trying to disguise it as breathing, smiling the most fakest you have to take to the arena. “I know your motherhood worries, I just…”

“Are you two dating?” She finally asked, and just as Joe you had the answer in the tip of your tongue. “I won’t tell your dad, if it’s the case he should be the one telling him”

“No, I’m not” you started. “We’re not, I meant to say” you replied, staring at the grass, the disappointment clear in your voice leaving no room for your mom to doubt the answer, she sighed just looking ahead of her, you knew it didn’t meant the best news. “Imaginary typo, whoop”

“Are you protecting yourselves?”

“Wha— I’m not answering that” you said and looked at her with a frown and a growing blushed face. “Don’t ask that type of stuff, is weird…”

“You like him?”

“You should’ve had seen him when he saw me again… it was something I liked, he doesn’t want me for rotten things or anything like that”

“I know, He’s a decent man”

(…)

A total difference when the talk with your dad was reaching peak.

“There’s a reason why he isn’t with someone his age!, haven’t you made a thought about that!?” He screamed out at you, earning a frown from you and the slap on the kitchen table in front of him, “He’s not a Prince Charming that’ll settle for you!”

“Then tell me, go on, say all the shit you know about him! come on!”

“Oh, you want to ruin the pedestal you have him in?, we’re about the same age, first disgusting thing out of everything and you must know how he goes from woman and woman— He can’t even move on from someone he met in 1998!, he sleeps with other person even with that in his mind… he still sleeps with her time to time, he’s barely beating being alcoholic, I’ve picked him up of some death bar’s because he could barely stand, do clever, he is not a nice option,[___], don’t be stupid, God, he’ll die before he could he see his child grow up”

You stayed quiet for a seconds, your breathing turning slowly into a knot in your throat, but you couldn’t cry at a time like this, you couldn’t let him have the last word, even if he knew him more, even if he knew more about Leon than the half of things you knew, you couldn’t let him get away with it. You perceived it more as if he was saving his friend ‘cause he hated him. “I’m not having his baby, get that already, I don’t even want to have kids!, listening to all this bitching and moaning is making me sick, fuck…”

“I’m advising you because I know him, he’s not a good catch”

“Come on!, But please, I love him!”

“You don’t, how long ago was your exhibition?, he hasn’t come around since that and you think you are in love with him?, you are not in high school to be that dumb” your dad said, his gaze showing his disapproval.

“For a fortnight, for a fucking fortnight he stayed with me, Here!, wow, surprising for the viper in empath clothing?, you just don’t like seeing me or my art improve, you were against it since the first time!, is not fair that you are playing father at a time like this!, I’m handling myself without therapy, I’m well now.”

“I bought it then, then, I know he’ll find a way to run away from you, like all of the other foolish and poor women he got to get in sheets with.”

“He will run because he loves me”

Chapter Text

Locked inside your own apartment insulated in the studio wasn’t the greatest of the ideas neither living based on cigarettes and surprisingly water rather than alcohol, you had to keep hydrated rather than drunk to finish at least one of the painting they were in process, maybe that helped you to not faint way more than you already were, the thinner wasn’t helping either in continued contact with your nostrils that were almost begging for a air and clear oxygen break that would last at least a month but no, you had to give a release yet (even though Joe didn’t asked you for one yet), the dark under your eyes almost hurtful by the sleep deprivation you hold yourself in, your phone without battery from days now, is not like you had someone who would called you or wait for you to make act be alive.

They always knew one way or another.

The room was quiet, dead quiet apart from the brush against the canvas, the slipping painting blurred with the smell of the thinner echoing in the room, you couldn’t figure out if the building was extremely quiet or it was just your head, it could be demolish one day and. You wouldn’t even notice until you were buried beneath the concrete and rubble.

➰————————————————————➰

It was your freshman year in college, you couldn’t get into an Art school because well, the age rate wasn’t the right one anymore so that went into a second place that wouldn’t actually be archived ever but begging of the semester you heard that some of the art degrees were organizing a competition some junior award for the rookies, everyone could register so, what could you lose? Not like the career you had to choose brought you that much of joy anyway. The radiant of your face when you started to prepare your painting even brought your parents face joy from the pictures you sent to them while preparing it, at least they gave you the credit of how well you were doing it, they said they send them to Leon as well but you doubt that, you haven’t saw him since him left for some kind of government shit, or at least your dad told you that, for you to not get involved in something that didn’t concerned you.

You got to get into the competition, it was a relief since you wasn’t in arts still managed to get through it, they didn’t had favorites or so you thought, your parents got to go to the campus, swearing they would stay quiet and see from afar only cheering with you when you got your first place. In the end, everything else was loosing.

So here you were, holding your painting while mini-jumps as you got ready to get to the improvised podium, your parents waving at you like if you were a child in your kindergarten first Mother’s Day dance, you were smiling, radiating confidence into the sleepless night that you spend onto your work, big enough to hide yourself behind it so you were just gazing at your parents and paying attention to the judges (some professors from the university that somehow agreed into being part of this, you were okay with it anyway, not like they were your teachers). You didn’t knew anyone surrounding you so, as you heard that you were part of the winners and you alongside of other two people were walking towards the podium made of styrofoam and newspaper painted with old paint your smile vanished at the word from the spokesman into the mic.

“Second place!; [___]!” Your head couldn’t even listen to the rest of them, you didn’t even wanted to know the first place, you didn’t even knew them so, there was no point into getting to cheer for them, you didn’t wanted to do it either.

You looked over your shoulder towards your parents, a reassuring smile into your mother’s lips and a try-to-be reassuring nod from your father sides, you walked towards them, some of the presents confused of why you didn’t walked towards your place, like if you missed your chance of winning, because indeed you missed your chance into winning, the chance you got for demonstrating how good you were to deserve the chance of changing your career was gone, you were going to be great, your chance of greatness, already gone in a few months into it. “Hey, don’t worry, a medal is a medal, isn’t it?” Your mom said, resisting the urge to pat onto your shoulder in the comforting manner she does sometimes.

“You should go and get it, for the first semester is something impressive” your dad said, him actually patting your shoulder, not quite as reassuringly as he tried or pretended to be.

“I have given my entire life to art— You- you think I’ve only done it to get a shameful second place shit?” You replied, not content about it at all. “Everyone can get a goddamn gold medal but me?, me that I have way more or everyone of the aspects they asked to be in the piece?, me that I have been practicing for ages more than this people?, does that sounds impressive?”

“I didn’t meant that, and you know it… I just meant that they found it nice enough to give you a place, isn’t that good enough?” He replied, almost sighing.

“I hate it!, why are they more deserving than me?, did you see the rest of the painting?!, they were fucking hideous!” You let that out loud. “Fuck it, I hate being underrated…”

“Honey, the people are looking at you, calm down” your mom whispered, you moved your shoulder so you could withdraw their hand from you… why they were being condescending towards you?, It couldn’t be like that. You took the painting resting on the grass, it got a little dirty from the dirt, well it didn’t matter anyway right?, it sucked so, it didn’t matter your parents words were numbing by the moment your steps were going towards the judges sitting comfortably as if the decision they just gave was the righteous. “Get up, get up…” you said, gesturing them to stood up, they that were lost into the first place utterly ignored you, throwing towards them (On the table) the painting that got destroyed as as it touched the wood.

“I’m talking to you, get the fuck up!”

➰————————————————————➰   

After finishing completely one of the paintings and halfway of the second one you considered yourself too weak to keep going without fainting and probably couldn’t ask for help if you happened to get way more worst than you already were, you decided to go outside of your studio, coughing by the hit of fresh air as soon as you opened the window, your skin dry as hell for the not skincare streak you usually wore all days, you walked towards the kitchen, making an easy sandwich and eating it up staring at a random spot on the world, like breakfast should been take, staring at the wall and hating the world. Putting your phone to charge afterwards to short after undress yourself to get inside it was getting dark so technically it wasn’t breakfast but you were without much of an situation and ambience context so.

The water running along your skin slowly adjusting it’s temperature by the time you stayed there still, when it was warm enough you got conscience and breathed in, brushing your hair back to let it soak completely, the water going through warm to hot to cold again, what a time. Sobbing lightly when your distracted brain didn’t had something else to focus on.

(…)

As you finally went out of the shower, you phone was around in 50%, finally on after what it looked like around a week, damn, again into that score it seemed, you sighed, scrolling throw the screen as you saw nothing in the mail box neither in chats but oh well, the app you despised to most had one notification, one voice mail lingering for about three days ago, hoping it was Leon finally giving sign of live by himself and not by thirds, sadly, it was Joe.

“[___], why you didn’t pick up the phone?, just got a call from the place, they want the exhibition there!, isn’t it great?… and, since you hate voice mails, I heard what happened with your parents, they told me, kind of scolded me for not telling them, im not blaming you…” he chuckled. “You know they didn’t meant to be so explosive right?, be sure to eat, since you left therapy I’m afraid you don’t eat very good, more after the talk you had with them…

When you get this, call me back”

You scoffed, immediately sighing because well, he wasn’t the one to blame for any of the situation, you didn’t knew who to blame honestly, or if you should blame someone else and anyone in the moment.

As if the whole world was still in silence you changed into jeans and a white T-shirt, it was a rough night to just appear in shorts and a short sleeve shirt. The second our eyes happened to find each other again could’ve have been just avoided. The one who looked me so dearly for only a split second, should’ve just pat over your head to keep away any lustful thoughts

The thrilling feeling of becoming mad.

Cause I love you.

Without knowing if it was the absent of sleep in your body or if it was only the air hitting your face as you, or the thought that all he wanted from you was nothing that sweet nothing, voices inside your head imploring for you to let it a peace, that you didn’t won anything for worrying about it, you had your life ahead for making you feel actually loved and good, or was it just lust? It was just the horny-ish self that was guiding your thoughts?, was he mean for not calling you?, but oh Lord, it was getting good and he was so fucking handsome. Why couldn’t you be tangled to him the whole night? All of them?, was your naked body following his thoughts around? Or was the image of your smoking with a miserable face captured instead?.

Will he worship you as one of those saints? Would you be a goddess?, you felt like sent to hell without hearing his voice.

Blind fate.

Just as you were in front of his door, knocking over the piece of wood with certain delicacy, breath heavy as you ran up through the stairs to reach his apartment, the elevator was occupied, you couldn’t wait for it to be free, so, what better and safer to climb stairs fast, doe eyes as you stared at the door, waiting for him to open, you made your best attempt to remember, the last time you went there was when he bought a painting and you help getting on the wall, which wasn’t on the recent events. Blind fate.

Your smile back onto your face as he was in front you, the silence, patience and anticipation killing you, desperately waiting, your hands shaking from it, until you heard an “[___]…?” He asked quietly, almost like a dejavú of how he was wearing almost the same when he slept with you. “Why are you here so late?, jeez- ugh” you heard him say as he step closer and placed a hand on your back, so you could step inside his home, closing the door, you could smell he was out of the shower no so long ago.

“Why were you so nice with me?, was it worth it?, are you running- are you running away from me?” You asked after a couple of seconds, your Dad let the seed of the doubt there, it was his speciality, always. His silhouette moves side to side, shine and shiver. The silence surrounding you like soothing silk, you stop, doubtful, if you should keep talking, his face seems to be digesting your words, like if he was tired of something.

“Is this because of your parents?” He asked, and you heard that it was almost incredulously the voice he used to answer you. Maybe it was her, the one your dad mentioned.

“What- what do you mean?” You asked, almost surprised by the quick brought up.

“Just for the record, I didn’t told them anything else besides you smoking, I- I just thought that it was necessary im on the way of quitting drinking and I thought that you would have wanted to not get back into it, kid” that fucking word again.

“It wasn’t your concern, and neither of them, it only made their mind fly to something else, I paid the price and you didn’t!”

“Baby, hey, let’s calm down, I didn’t meant their minds to wander too much into it, I was worried about you, and fuck, I don’t want you to get cancer or something- and, your dad, both actually told me they found out, of course I tried to argue back that they were wrong but they said you somewhat said it to them without saying it, and well, it wasn’t-” He stopped and interrupted himself as you looked at the couch, the confused face turning into a sad one as you stared at the red blouse on top of the couch, no one was there so, you wondered, why was that there, the knuckle dying grip on your blouse loosing itself as you stared at the place, it was messy, he had still some hickeys on his shoulder, you could see some of them peeking through the tee, on the side of his neck, you heard a ‘shit’ coming from him, moving to stand in front of you to not let you see more.

Noticing everything he did and hell, you didn’t wanted to imagine more, standing by the side of the door, like if you were a kid gaining conscience of it’s life, you didn’t wanted to make a tantrum, begging to him to tell you that you got it wrong somehow, that it was your head making up things, that you didn’t needed to beg for at least leave some footnotes that you existed in his life. “Don’t call me kid”

“Baby, I can explain—”

“Don’t call me baby” you interrupted him. “God, I’m such an idiotic person, shit, I should- I should have listened to Joe, to my dad, I shouldn’t have come, I— god I should just stop talking, fuck” you turned around to reach for the handle of the door, interrupting the motion you just felt how his hands swiftly went on your shoulders, turning you back to face him, hands on your cheeks as he hold you to soon after his lips pressed onto yours almost too gently for the situation, your hands on his chest, trying foolishly to push him away but your hands slowly were guided to rest on his neck and soon after to rest on his cheeks, your eyes fluttering shut as the kiss continued, he started to step back holding onto you and you just followed him.

Thank god his room wasn’t messy, meaning he didn’t slept with her there, at least that night and is all you needed (wanted) to know. Soon after, he was laid on his bed this time, like if it was an unknown place, even the sheets felt weird, maybe you just were used to your own home or simply his home indeed felt strange. Your hands resting on the mattress, on the sides from his shoulders, you on top of him, your knees on the mattress, not resting against him, just up staring at him, the kissing stopped, you two were gathering air, your gaze looking now at the recently used bathroom, who’s would have been the one showering first?, him?, that woman? Was the woman your dad mentioned?.

As if catching a cold or a flue you captured his lips into a quick kiss, going down towards his neck and gently kissing him over his shirt going down until the hem of it, lifting it but still covering his chest, and kissing over his stomach but still not touching him with your hands, you were somewhat still mad, or well, you didn’t knew it, you never did. You hair did the wonderful work of covering your face slightly, before reaching the happy trail you felt his hand reaching the top of your head, going down until reached your forehead to move the strands out and see youthful face behind it, but your eyes weren’t looking at him, to be fair, they were only staring down, away from his face, from the crushed words and becoming self-loathing for being in the situation and not stopping it, you saw a frown on his face, you didn’t knew what it meant.

“[___]” You heard him say, almost too quiet for you too hear, perhaps in purpose, maybe he didn’t wanted you to hear, to stop.

He was a man, right?

“I can stop, you want me to stop?” You asked, not looking up at him, now, you had no clue if what you were about to do, all first’s with one person, isn’t that so romantic?. Your hands were on the hem of the sweatpants he was wearing, ready to pull them down, but waiting for the answer, you were still muddled but you had to ask, you didn’t wanted to do something wrong.

“You know how to?” It was fair, he had to ask, he doubted you did.

“Yes” What a lie.

He just nodded, hoping you’ll see that he moved his hand away from your face, you should have expect that he would say no and stop you but well, it wasn’t like that. When you pull the sweatpants down and let the boxers still there for a little more while you prepare yourself mentally you heard him speak up again. “Hey, take off your shirt”

Gulping you did as asked, taking it off and leaving it on beside you, letting you in jeans and bra, it could be worse, one he took into the sight, you could see in his eyes, the flicker moment of hesitation when the position of ending doing it crossed his mind, not enough to make him move you away, neither when he saw you pulling his dick out from his boxers, yourself cross oneself mentally before leaning and kissing the tip, you heard him mumble something, meh, licking the tip gently after it a hand surrounding it moving up and down in a slow motion, he seemed to hold back from pushing your head down, which you were a little grateful, wouldn’t want to puke right?. You knew the basics, don’t bite and move up and down, in theory it was easy so positioning your mouth on the tip and your hand holding it still you started to move down your head, reaching half way down you looked up at him, you saw a smirk for a split second, disguising itself as a reassuring one, looking intently at you, your glistening eyes, your chest, your butt and obviously your lips wrapping the lightly on the twitching cock.

“Doing good, try a little faster” he said, hands gripping the sheets to not grip your hair. And there you were, moving up and down ‘til the middle, helping your pace with your hand to not gag yourself on it, you could feel something salty reaching your tongue, was he cumming already?, maybe it was just precum but before figuring anything out he was stopping your for keep going, his cock begging for release, even his face was blushed, as you were set free from that and moved up, the small trail of saliva and precum was being left. “Wait, fuck, you did knew how”

You just felt how you were being moved to be up him, hands resting on the headboard, as he was pulling your jeans down, managing to do so and throwing them away ending somewhere on the floor, leaving you in bra and panties, kneeled on top of his face, being like that was indeed embarrassing, him staring at the slightly wet panties and a smile on his face, his hands were on your hips instructing you to move a little down. “I want to return the favor, did I eat you out that time?, I don’t remember…” he said, his fingers rubbing over your panties, damn, how much he did to forget if he did it or not?, you rolled your eyes and looked away. “I know I didn’t, calm down”

With that said, he moved to the side your panties, exposing your soaking pussy by only the rubbing, you looked down at him, a small whimper leaving your lips as the air hit the area, breathing a little hitched by the expectation, leaning up he placed a kiss over it, leaving kisses here and there, one hand making sure the panties gave him area to explore and the other one groping over your ass, soon enough licking over your slit, one, two, three times, your muffled moans fueling his pace, his tongue traveling along your pussy, in comparison to him you actually grabbed his hair, his nose rubbing against your clit and as your hips waved in and out moving him away before you came. “Wait, wait” you mumbled.

“Was it too much?” He asked, almost grinning as he held your hips so you wouldn’t fell down for the already kind of shaky legs you had, when you shake your head as a ‘no’ he nodded, acknowledge it. “Then? What is it?”

“I… I want you inside” you said, almost a whisper for how idiotic that sounded.

“Ah?, I don’t have condoms left…” He said, looking at the counter beside the bed, damn, how many did he used to get out of them?

“I don’t care” you said, not filtering enough so it wouldn’t sound so don’t giving a fuck about the consequences of that request, but he looked willing enough to put in inside without many thought behind it, in the end he always used condom with everyone so, there’s wasn’t a high risk of getting something, right?, just the high, elevated, statistically possibility of pregnancy, but hell, it was feeling romantic at least a little bit and of course that was your future self problem

Not yours.

(…)

The first morning you woke up at his place, tangled up between the sheets when thought of being tangled ups with him the all night and until now, but, guess it wouldn’t be the case you hoped for, shifting position to be inside the covers completely, it smelled like him, without knowing it you were falling asleep again, being woken up by Leon, his fingers brushing your hair away from your face, he was already dress up maybe he also took a bath, you didn’t knew, your eyes were fluttering open, you heard a small package and a glass of water being put on the nightstand table. His weight moving a little the bed when he sat next to you, some good morning’s leaving his lips quietly to slowly wake you up, when you opened your eyes he smiled at you, kissing on top of your head.

“Good morning sweetie” He said, looking happy but certainly somewhat guilty, his eyes betraying that emotion but his face in general hide it well enough.

“Hmm… what- what time is it?” You mumbled, sitting up slowly, your bare chest showing a little which he covered slightly with his sheets, he thought he didn’t had to see you naked after doing it, just for mere privacy.

“12:30, is still somewhat early, don’t worry” he said, looking down at the pile of your clothes on your side (the one you were sleeping, it wasn’t yours) and frowned slightly, but hey, he was being responsable of not letting you pregnant. “Hey, last night, I, came inside and I went to buy the Plan B pill”

“Oh, right” You said, looking at the glass of water and what obviously was the pill. “Does the drug store knows you?” You asked, not really that awake to let the thought get controlled before being pronounced. You heard him chuckle, somehow roughly, it was a nice sound to hear while awakening.

“I might no answer to that” he said, hand on your cheek, his thumb brushing against it. “You awake to take it?”

“Yeah, don’t want to have babies any sooner” you said, staring at the pill now on your hand, it had a pretty color, at least you could say that, placing it on your tongue and swallowing it quickly, leaving Leon with the glass of water in his hand, kind of impressed by how quick you managed to swallow, offering the water so you wouldn’t choke or any of that taking it and drinking the whole glass, your body thanked it of course.

“You should stay here the rest of the day, wouldn’t want you to faint out”

“I can faint out?”

“Not really, just nausea, throwing up, headache and maybe your chest might hurt” He said, almost out of memory, you sighed, looked down at your clothes and at the package of the pill, reading down the possible symptoms, he just forgot to add the possible more paining bleeding in your period and possible worst abdominal pain, jeez. “I’ll lend you some clothes so I can wash yours, hmm?”

You nodded, he helped you up, carrying you bridal style and walking towards the bathroom, in the opposite of your thinking, he didn’t showered, just rushed towards the drugstore, it wasn’t with the intention of leaving you alone, taking two towels from a counter and reaching to let them aside for later, in the contrary of the first time you actually accepted him washing your hair, his fingers delicately made foam from the shampoo, it was his but at least it wasn’t 3 in 1 shampoo so you were relieved, the warm droplets felt over your shoulders, relieving the tension from your body, only feeling when he rinsed the shampoo out of your scalp and hair, following to clean up the rest of your body, making sure to wash any rest of him or from you for skin, kissing your cheek when he was done, washing himself up quicker so you wouldn’t get cold while waiting when he was done he wrapped you in one of the towels first then wrapping one around his waist. Letting you sat down on the bed while he looked for something you could wear without feeling uncomfortable,getting some boxers (clean ones) and a T-shirt, maybe he slept with that but it was the better that he had, like, all he did was buy the pill (if he didn’t had the condoms) and let the woman he was involved with at hers luck so, he didn’t knew what would be the most comfortable.

“Here, if it tickles or the fabric feels scratchy, I’ll find another one” He said, helping you to start to wear it, letting you wear by your own the boxers and only helping you with the shirt, for respect he kept repeating in his head.

The rest of the day he speeded taking care of you, pampering you (making up for coming inside and make you take the pill), ordering your favorite takeout and preparing some things with you along the day, checking your symptoms if anything was out the ordinary, which he didn’t knew quite well, letting you take some naps along the day, being there for you.

Chapter Text

After that spontaneous meeting you and Leon went back in contact, calls frequent in both of your routines even sometimes getting a little more intimate than they should, for your side were in heaven, your mom kept talking with you, trying to match the pace that “relationship” was “growing”, somehow (Attributing it to the mother instinct I’d said) she grew not really so satisfied and somewhat doubtful about his actions, you didn’t gave many details but the few words that explicitly implied that you were almost pregnant caught her off guard, even though you said it jokingly she couldn’t hide the already very expression full-face she already had, maybe it was the punishment of being to truthful towards her but, if you didn’t rely on her then who could it be?, Joe?, hell no, the ‘ok 👍’ you sent in reply when you answered his text maybe had him already in panic, so better to not bother him with personal stuff, even if he wanted the full gossip and genuinely help.

On the other hand, Your dad asked Leon to meet up at your parents house, your mom would be with you, helping you preparing some meals for the week, you didn’t understood why, but saying no to the week full of mom’s food was more likely not to not happen and unaware of the reason why you just accepted it.

➿——————————————————————————————➿

As Leon arrived your parents home, helmet between his arm and waist as he tapped onto it nervously, gratefully your mom didn’t tell your dad about the possible pregnancy soon avoided so, he didn’t had to worry about that at least. When he rang the bell he swallowed hard, they hadn’t meet like that, least when his ear peeked that your dad was stepping towards the door he stepped back, clearing his throat so he wouldn’t mess up in the very first word he spelled out loud.

“Leon” Your dad said firstly, eyes narrowed as he moved to the side, welcoming (he wasn’t) him to get into the house, leaving Leon swallow again as he moved to the side to get into the house in the small space your dad left for him to move, looking around the house and getting a good vibe from it, it was cozy, except for the man behind him with eyes like piercing bullets. “Sit, on whatever you want, you seem like you do as you please lately” with that words Leon felt a kick right at his chest, sitting on the two sits couch and letting his helmet on the other sit as the protection of your dad not sitting behind him, your dad walked closer yo him, handing him a glass of water, a cold one, with the cold weather wasn’t suitable.

“So…” Leon started, taking a small sip from it in case it was poisoned, of course it wasn’t but he was getting a little scared by his silence, fingers fidgeting at the devoid of sound in the room.

“Do you know how mess up is the situation?, how fucked up and weird this shit is?” Your dad asked, sitting on the couch parallel to Leon, the big one. “You played with her as a kid, let her draw you, let her paint your face with that cheap-ass make up for kids, I let you in charge of her when I was in duty… don’t you get how serious the situation is?”

“I know, I know all of that happened, I am pretty conscious of that, and I know is pretty fucked up what I did, I got scolded already for it—”

“You are yapping around how you slept with my daughter?” Your dad asked, his tone clearly disgusted by the nonchalant attitude of Leon, at his eyes at least, a frown forming on your dad’s face.

“No, I’m not bragging about it. I told my only my therapist, I swear” Leon said, shifting a little and sitting a little bit more straight in order to not look so careless about the subject. “He, well, I didn’t discussed any of the act just told him how I felt and the- and the regret of the aftermath” He said, the guilt he felt after saying that knowing damn well he slept with you again and that has touched himself from the thought of you, moaning your name in the loneliness of his sheets, jeez, he shouldn’t say that.

“Are you still meeting with Ada?” Your dad asked, the knot in his throat getting tighter for the anxiety that was difficult to gulp down the guilt, clearing his throat at the name being brought up into something he thought it wouldn’t be brought up.

“I…” He was about to lie, but seeing the face of your dad already drowned in disappointment and anger was enough to stop him from it. “Yes”

“Does she know? [____] knows?, that she’s not the only one?” Your dad asked, worry in his voice, oblivious of the red blouse that you already saw, without knowing who it belonged to, but the question still linger in your mind still. “At least you are taking precautions?, She doesn’t want to get pregnant, did she told you that?, how much she fears bringing some life to the world?, afraid that she would be an awful mother?, Have you talk with her of any of that?, or you just lead her to your bed every time you see her?” He questioned.

Leon took a sip of the cold water, only tightening the knot in his throat, gripping lightly the glass at that questions, in retrospective, he didn’t knew that much of you, into more retrospective he realized kids don’t stay with their self kids likings and thoughts, kids … it was really fucked up. “No, she doesn’t knows, well, not which’s her name is, She doesn’t know who is Ada or that I see her. I’m taking precautions, most of the times at least, I didn’t knew about her fear of pregnancy and neither that she thought she would be an awful mom. I don’t lead her to the bed every time I meet her.”

“I don’t want all the shit you had get infected with be in her system.” Your dad said plainly, looking at him almost in disdain, himself, gripping over his own glass too, he was his friend but first it was his daughter, his firstborn . “You should be older and wiser, but you almost didn’t grew up since Raccoon city. While you go out fighting biological shit where will she be at?, you didn’t saw her face as she was defending you, have you seen all the art she had made about you?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t knew, I didn’t knew about the art and I promise that I’m clean, I’m haven’t been in a mission in a while which mean that I have none of the biological-threatening shit inside me, I haven had it since like, decades ago” Leon said back, looking down by the sudden once again self-consciousness hitting his mind. “I don’t want to hurt her, I really mean it, I don’t see her as a child or someone I can manipulate to make all I want, I… God, I would never make something to hurt her physically or mentally.”

“You know the mental consequences of dating someone older at a young age?, is not something you could easily erase off by saying you wont hurt her” Your dad replied back, a little louder than a his previous voice as if he didn’t believed a single word from Leon, not hurting you?, hell, if he knew the time you insulated yourself just cause of him, he would go wildly mad.

“You and your wife have an age gap” Leon said, almost ironically, your father, sensing the irony in his voice raised his voice again.

“Two years Leon!, not twenty!”

“Ah… yeah, I know, I’m sorry” Leon said after a couple of seconds of silence to then continue. “I know is not okay that she is with me, she’s not a kid and neither is old enough to be conscious of many things-”

“She is conscious of many things” your father interrupted him.

“Yeah, yeah, i just… I know is not the same with me and Ada as with me and [____], the circumstances are different, and I don’t want you to believe that im just using [____] to get over the absence of Ada, or just use her as a replacement, I don’t want her as a toy, you know I’m not like that” Leon said, almost a tired expression hovering over his face.

“You had came and sleep here times to times, when she was here as a kid by the way, after sleeping with some random woman when you were back from a random mission because you didn’t wanted to be at your place that late, and with that history I really doubt you are not doing the same this times” your dad said back.

“I don’t get as involved as I did before”

“So you bang some random woman and then you call [____] and act lovey-dovey with her to the next day do the same?” Your dad took some air before continue. “I really, for the love of God hope you aren’t doing that shit because I could strangle you myself”

“I’m not doing it like that”

“Then how?”

“I just don’t see her right after, maybe after a few days I’ll call her, check on her and such”

“Leon” your dad called him out.

“What is it?”

“Don’t break her apart”

➿——————————————————————————————➿

➰————————————————————➰

“Dear, how’s the medicine going?” Your mom asked as she was kneading one of the dough you two were going to bake, deciding you needed a hand in baking (you and the oven didn’t get along very well) she stayed to let a couple of handmade breads for the fortnight, you were thankful, while she was kneading the bread dough on your hand you were making some cookies, an easy recipe, you needed something sweet that didn’t required buying so much exotic things.

“The medicine?” You asked, thinking about it for a second while you were measuring the chocolate chips. “Oh, the medicine, I dropped it, it was giving me migraine, nausea my eyes were aching too, ugh, it was horrible” you replied, as if it was just a silly thing to talk about.

“And… you didn’t asked for a replacement?, you know ask the psychiatrist if she could change it?”

“Oh, i tried booking and appointment but she wasn’t available so i didn’t booked another one, they were getting way more expensive anyways and were longer, I needed the time to paint and buy all the supplies and such” you replied as you started mixing the chocolate chips with the dough.

“And what about the therapist?, any too much writing on her notes?, or everything has been chill?” Your mom asked, her kind voice was making the conversation cozy, comparing to having the same with your dad, Joe was not in the same basket, he wasn’t mean, but your mom as you grew up knew how to start the awkward conversation without making it uncomfortable feeling, guess the mother-daughter relationship evolves like that. “I haven’t heard you joke about the amount of things she wrote”

“Oh, is because I haven’t gone either, she didn’t called me back to confirm the session so, I forgot to ask and that how it has been the world, Im just too busy to do an appointment” you replied, you sensed her letting out a quiet sigh but didn’t said something right away even though she didn’t knew what to say you were quicker to speak first. “Since im with Leon everything in my mind feels so at ease”

“You are together officially?” Your mom asked, genuinely curious about that, not for you but for Leon, and actually kinda for you. How weird.

“I mean, we chat daily, speak on the phone, sometimes we visit each other and spend a good time… quality time, he says positive things to me and I guess it had helped me, even my skin has been better, you see?, it’s not dry as it used to be, leaving aside the medicine was for the best too and I don’t know I wouldn’t say that im happier but im a little more at peace” you explained, somehow satisfied with the answer even though it wasn’t an actual answer for the question you felt a nice feeling by just saying that.

“Im glad you feel fine without the medicine yet I’ll said is better if you make another appointment, just to be sure” your mom said firstly, placing the dough over one tray to let it rest for a time. “You wouldn’t feel nice if he asked to be his girlfriend?, you know, the old fashioned style”

“It would be cute but I don’t know, the first time that I heard that, in high school it felt so wrong and ew”

“Well, you have to have in mind him wasn’t the best catch you could’ve have, and he didn’t made it so willingly, it was over a phone call so, there’s no really comparative to do between that guy and Leon” Your mom said and she was right, like, it was quite different, Leon is way more decent than that guy but still, it felt so weird to even imagine Leon pronouncing that words, it didn’t quite fit.

“I‘ll think about it” you replied, a light smile on your lips.

Chapter Text

“Why the long face?, did something happened?” You asked after greeting Leon with a kiss into your apartment, he didn’t seemed sad but anguish instead, he tried to hide it with that smile but the barely unshaved face didn’t help either, not like he grew a beard in a weak or any of that stuff, rather because it seemed just out of the usual. His hand went up to hold your cheek, gently, as if you were a coat of sugar easy to break by mere touch, his finger gently brushing against your skin, he was taking his time in answering your question, was he avoiding it?, he didn’t listened?, what could it be?, he leaned in to kiss the top of your head, closing the door behind him and to then step in again to hug you something somewhat sweet but melancholic somehow.

“I’m alright, I just want to cuddle” He said simply, not further words or actions.

“You travelled o all the way here to cuddle?” You sighed, stepping in as well to guide the both of you too your room, you could use a nap as well so what better than cuddle with him for a while.

“I had to give it a shot, I didn’t wanted to sleep alone” he said, so he was staying over?, great, or just a nap and then back home. “My therapist cancelled on me, someone else had an urgency or something like that, shame” he said as you both reached the room with some effort he took off his jacket trying to keep hugging you in the process, leaving it on the floor until you both reached the bed and he slumped on it first, patting beside him for you to join him as you did he hugged you again. “You are soothing to be with, so I came here”

“I can’t act like a therapist but I can cuddle you all night if you please” You said, brushing the hair away from his face leaning in to give him some kisses over the corner of his lips you could felt an smile form over them, it was a nice feeling.   

“That sounds genuinely pleasing” he said, moving his hand from your waist up to gently brush your cheek, returning the kisses as well, nothing rushed, brushing your hair back afterwards, bringing you closer to him. “When I sleep beside you I feel refreshed the next morning, isn’t that great?”

“Then we both have the same thoughts” You said.

“Yeah, i have never woke up to someone that made me feel like this, is always the sad aftermath of dressing and leaving  on their own side or watching the other one go” He said, for your own good you didn’t payed more attention to that words, like, he was older, it would be a dumb thought to ever think you were the re-start of his sexual activities, you were sure as hell that it wasn’t that way, but, as long as that red shirt wasn’t someone he met up with daily, if he haven’t told you then it must have been just a one night stand, maybe it was a jacket and not a shirt, better to forget it.

His hand moved under your sweatshirt, not to initiate anything, he was just getting comfortable and to feel you more closer to him in a way. “Im sorry for not being by your side that morning”

That morning?, oh. That morning.

“You were taking care of me, don’t worry, I should apologize again in that case, it wasn’t the best way to approach the topic” you said quietly, his hair looked a little longer again, you just brush it away from his face, he had his eyes closed, and a soft smile on his lips, damn, he looked so calm yet ugh, how could he be so pretty.

“Im falling asleep, sorry”  He muttered, a soft laugh leaving his lips.

“It’s okay.” You said quietly. Leaning to turn off the lamp and soon after cuddle with him again. “Goodnight, love”

➰————————————————————➰

Awakening by his side like this, without the needing of intimacy being a big part of the next day was always refreshing, always lovely to struggle to stretch yourself while still being hugged by him was something funny to experience, it was hard to tell how you slept so peacefully if sometimes he snores or maybe he is just trying to not do it as much to bother you. Giving him some kisses on his forehead as a good morning message, you had to pee, jeez.

“You are comfy, don’t go” he murmured snuggling closer to you by each time you tried to leave.

“I’ll come back, I need to go to the bathroom, pleeeease” you said and you could hear a giggle coming from him.

“Are you laughing about my suffering?” You asked jokingly his head only moves as a no as he tries to hold his laughter, guess he had a good sleep if he was in that mood. Setting you free after a few moments allowing you to go to the bathroom, as you were back to your bedroom he was lost to view until you heard him in the kitchen humming, his head rocking gently at his own rhythm, holding a pan and what you could smell as butter.

Wrapping a blanket around you and holding other one for him in your arms you reached him, making some noise with your steps to not scare him so early in the morning, as he noticed you and you were behind him placing the blanket on his shoulders, he left the pan aside and turned to you, smiling and hugging you. “You are letting me without air” you protested as you were being pressed against his chest.

“Good morning to you too” he said, softening the hug to meet your face again. “How can you be still this pretty just awake?”

“This early?, no, no, I washed my face and brushed my teeth, don’t think is out of magic” your replied, hugging him back this time. “But if you prefer it I can lie and say it’s because im a fairy”

“A fairy?, it’s not so bad… can I believe that instead?”

“If you wish” you said, nodding as if it was true, looking to the side at the pan. “Are you doing French toast?”

“Yup, thought it might be good to do breakfast since I appeared out of nowhere yesterday”

“I don’t really mind, thanks for making breakfast, always so mindful” you said, letting go of him so he could focus on the task ahead, hoping it wouldn’t burnt the butter down this little hug between the both of you you left him in charge of the rest of the breakfast matters, walking towards the table to let it done.

The breakfast was nice, without any burnt meal and an actual delicious one all went smoothly, some morning chit chat, some sharing between both dishes until you both ended on the couch, resting against each other with the tv playing quietly in the back, the silence wasn’t uncomfortable but the need of some background noise to help the both of you to relax in the mean time, changing postures time to time until you were laying on top of him and his hand was caressing your hair, don’t really minding the TV even a single bit. Both covered by a blanket, your puppy’s blanket neatly folded on the edge of the couch not being used just out respect.

“Hey… how your art is doing?, you know, the creative way or whatever that is called” he asked and you tensed for a moment, why out of nowhere?, maybe because you haven’t talked about it, it was indeed weird to not talk about that vital thing for you.

“Oh, Im still in the process of seeing where the exhibition would be with Joe… so I haven’t been really able to you know, paint” you replied, it wasn’t totally a lie but, how could you show him what have you been doing so far?, he would get mad at you, mad at the fact of painting about something so delicate like that with such freedom without his permission or some higher permission first. You continued. “Just like the base of the painting but not too much far away from that”

“Oh, so… I can’t take a peek of what have you done—”

“No” You interrupted him, lifting you head to face him, almost and immediate response and a serious face along that answer wasn’t something very great  to do. “The studio smells like paint and I don’t want you to faint out” you said, a little more relaxed this time, trying to cover up the first response.

“I won’t faint out, I’ve smell worst things, remember?” He said, a hand on your cheek as if to reassure you that he wasn’t going to pass out by a little paint.

“But I don’t want you to see… is a surprise for everyone, at least the main paintings…” you replied, smiling, an smile that once again couldn’t completely reach your eyes, thing that obviously he noticed but decided to not comment about it. “I can show you the once I already showed to Joe, but you have to stay here until I bring them here, are you fine with that?”

“Hmm… fine, fine, I’ll stay still here, I won’t even blink” he said, helping you to sit up as he did that as well.

“You have to swear that you won’t peek, hmm, not even a singleeee one” you said as you pointed at him and narrowed your eyes at him. “Okay?”

“I promise, I’ll close my eyes as long as you need me to” he replied, nodding and covering his eyes in advance. “My eyes are closed shut”

You patted his shoulder in order to let him know that you were going to your studio, the steps were echoing from your feet, finding the keys to open it, of course you always remembered where you hid them, better a quiet and alone place for it, as you came back to open the studio, you checked over Leon, just in case he had peeked a little but as promised he was with his eyes closed, sighing in relief you proceeded to open the door and closing it behind you, just in case, the smell of paint was still strong from the last time you spend God knows how much time there, maybe it needed a little bit of ventilation, as you searched the blue themed pictures and a little bit of the small ones you already shown Joe, thank God they were dry already. Holding them together you opened the door and closed it behind you, keys inside your pants pockets.

“Ready” you said as you sat beside him, tapping his shoulder again looking how he opened that beautiful eyes of his the ones that moved directly at the paintings on your side. “They are just a few, don’t get to excited”

“Let me see it, let me see it!” He said immediately, taking with extreme caution one of the paintings, noticing it was the one with his eyes theme he tilted his head to the side, as if of being amazed and remembering what your father told him, indeed, all the ones that you had took out where inspired in him, his factions, his body, he couldn’t help but wonder when you memorize that details from him, feeling like a muse he smiled sheepishly, holding other one, this time his full face a portrait of him out of your memory, he was… amazed to say the least. “How long took you to do all of these?”

“Oh, I’d be laying if I told a real time, but don’t worry, they were made with caution and love, when the time arrive and you see the main ones you will lose your mind” you replied with an smile, looking attentively at his ongoing reaction that seemed to be positive. “I have good memory at least to remember your face”

“And my torso” he said, looking each painting one by one again.  “No wonder why you looked at it the nights we spend together”

“Can’t say the opposite, it’s just so amazingly well worked that I couldn’t help but memorize it” you said leaning to gently trail your finger across his jaw, if nothing lasted forever you just wished you could remember this as the greatest points of your relationship.

But, hell, it was getting too good to get over it so soon.

Chapter Text

“Is just that you don’t understand, he’s staying with me for a few days” you said, looking straight at Joe’s face as you sipped your iced coffee as if the conversation was just working in circles over and over, his face turning sour by each time you repeated the same to his question you could get the feeling that he was thinking in splashing his dark coffee straight at his face by the look he had on it.

“[____] I get you are in love and whatever but please, I have to show the paintings so we can get that damn space in time, he doesn’t have a job?, he can’t just stay in your home- like, is a painting! Couldn’t it be so easy to just take it out and gave them to me?” He said, strangely his eye was twitching, maybe because of the stress he was in. “He can come if you want him close all the time”

“I can’t show him the painting, would’ve be betraying him somehow, I should do other one instead-“

“We, you, don’t have time to make other one from scratch” he said immediately, like if had that in the tip of his tongue for a while now.

“Joe” you started as if seeking approval for your next move.

You heard him sigh, a grimace on his face to then sigh again and take a sip of his coffee as if to relax himself before the maybe bomb he would hear. “Go on”

“Leon told me something about his job one time and it’s suppose or I think it should be a secret of… you know… maybe the government and based on that and a little doddle he made on a napkin and I made the two main paintings based on them in a maniac episode so I’m worried he would find out about what I did and be mad at me for revealing something and then leaving me, because, you know… I was thinking in proposing to him, you know, to make it official official”

“Did you finished?”

“Yes”

Another sigh. “Well, that something tough to even talk about in a public place but, if you are looking for advice, I should said, first, maybe making a painting from someone’s secret is not the best to do leave alone something of the matters of the government shit… it can’t be that explicit. Now, for the fact of the marriage… I’m not really sure about it, for you, the other time you told me you visited him and found a red blouse, I don’t know, what if it’s something a little more casual for him that what it’s for you?”

“Did I told you about the red blouse?”

“You were pretty drunk”

“Oh” you said, your back hitting the back of your sit as you let out a sigh, it was true, there was a red blouse at his apartment, you tried to not give it a thought to that, for your own good. “Maybe is a friend who changed in his apartment?”

“[____], be for real, he’s what?, 7 years younger than your father?, he’s older but well, he may have had something with someone else before you, maybe I told you this before but please, think about it twice” he said, taking the last sip of his coffee. “I have an Idea, since you were doubtful in the place we found for the exhibition, because I saw it in your face that time, I contacted two gallery’s one in another state and the other in Europe, couldn’t it be nice to make a travel to think the things?, about your work, your relationships, even I could take a small break with that”

“A trip?, I’m basically kinda living with Leon, I cannot be in a trip out of nowhere.”

“He’s a grown man, he would not die from boredom if you leave for a week or so, you could call him and text him, you wouldn’t disappear” he replied, folding his arms and relaxing on the chair. “Would he beg you to stay or something?”

“Don’t be like that, I’m already doubtful about going to Europe, why there?, my art is only known here, why risk it going to there instead of you know, staying here?” You asked, head tilted to the side until you folded your arms to place them on top of the table and rest your chin against them sighing and checking your phone for an instant as if you were anxious that you haven’t got a message from anyone (Leon) when you saw that your screen was as clean as it is you slide it back into your jacket pocket. “I guess that maybe it wouldn’t be that bad to go, you know?, like, we wouldn’t stay longer, right?”

“Yeah, maybe a week or even less, but I guess it wouldn’t take much to decide if that’s a nice place or an absolute shit, is up to you” Joe said, tilting his head as well as if mimicking you from earlier. “[____]”

“Hmm?”

“I have a question, not related to work”

“Go on?”

“The other time, you showed me a sneak peak of the painting you were doing, right?”

“Yep, you haven’t saw it completed but I promised you that is worth it—”

“I know is worth it,, trust me I know how talented you are, the point was that, I showed that little part to someone and the next day I got a call, that random person was appt to show us a place in Spain, it was odd, just as his accent… he said someone else showed him that pic and he could recognize that anywhere”

“It was the lady with a kind of cane?”

“And an insect or… whatever that was”

“Oh, that, Joe, I think you got scammed or something” you said, serious expression at he words, that doesn’t sounded as save as it should.

“No, that man said it like if he needed to have the exhibition right there and you asked me what I thought about you painting over something confidential and I don’t know yet but… maybe we should go there, just to reject them at least and because he wanted to meet the artist, well, he wanted to at least be rejected by the artist”

“Joe, couldn’t we just reject him by phone?”

“I think it wouldn’t be the smartest solution, or you could tell them you broke it or just painted white the entire canvas if you want”

“Are they harassing you?”

“No”

“You sure of going?, it sounds like not the safest place out there, I could talk to Leon so he could I don’t know have our backs?”

“He has job to do, we’ll be alright, if we something weird we’ll go running away”

“Hmm”

“I promise im not going crazy”

“Fine, fine, I’ll reject them in person”

➰————————————————————➰

“Is like a business trip?” Leon asked as he kissed your neck gently, and brushing your hair slowly he was trying to make braids but he kept failing constantly, guess it was less harder when your hair was a little shorter, a kids hair is much easier to braid than an adults hair, right?

“Yeah, you could said that, more like im going to reject that because Im a little afraid of the painting getting damaged by the travel, after all that I worked into the pieces, it would be awful to see them destroyed” You replied, smelling his cologne.

“You could be known worldwide, wouldn’t that be worth it?, [____] A world known artist… that sounds amazing to me if you ask me” He said eyes shrinking at the thought of your talent being known, that you could be recognized as you should be. “The little girl whose doodles were competing in kindergartens now is triumphing in the biggest leagues”

“Is not thaaat big, stop” you said, blushing a little at the words that to be honest didn’t sounded that bad in his lips.

“Im just saying that you could be something great, you already are but you could be even more than that” he said, moving a little to move your face closer to his, his forehead again yours to then lean in for a short kiss. “The caged [____] maybe should not be caged anymore, you have an absolute great potential, take the opportunity”

“Caged?, have you read self-help books this days?”

“You’re the strongest, ignore where is quoted from”

“Fine fine, I’ll go and I’ll consider the fact of making the exhibition there, is that okay?”

“Pretty okay, conquer them with your beauty and talent”

“Stop…” you said, covering your face lightly and trying to let the blush disappear by its own. “But, can I ask you to take care of the apartment while im gone?”

“Sure thing, I’ll feed your thing to make bread, don’t worry.” He said.

“I wish you could come with me… but I know you have your own things to do, so Ill swallow the thought”

“It’s work [____], if it wasn’t itwould be more than a pleasure to travel with you, at the end of the year we could travel, you know?, where would you like to go?”

“Hmmm… Italy?, I’d like to eat authentic pasta and so”

“Italy?…. It doesn’t sound bad, I’d like to go there with you, drink good coffee and take our time to enjoy everything… You are good a choosing places”

“It’s one of my many talents I believe”. You said, a confident expression in your face as you said that.

“You know we could go to Milan and buy you some things”

“Like?… keep going, I like the idea”

“A red dress could look great on you”

Chapter Text

➿——————————————————————————————➿

“You shouldn’t always leave her get away with disappearing, yes, she has saved you multiply times, I understand that, but, she has and will always be a criminal” Your dad said as Leon and him met after he was back from all the mess back from China, they were at a bar, some dimly light filling the whole place, comfortable enough to have a good talk.

“You know how it is, I wont see her in a while anyway…” Leon said, still furrowing his eyebrows time to time for still unhealed wounds over his body, taking a quick sip of his whiskey before sighing. “I still keep that makeup Helena gave me”

“Shit, you are totally obsessed” Your dad said, chuckling underneath his breath. “It wouldn’t be bad if you didn’t see her once every… 6 years or so?, and that’s not even guaranteed, Leon, you should think about having someone else to, you know, have some kind of connection with someone that you can actually meet way more often”

“She will always be stuck in my head” Leon said, avoiding to tell away the couple of encounters they two have, he wish they were at least a date in his apartment at least but it was never lovely-dovey, he wish they were mere casualties at least, that she had a business nearby so she passed by to keep the spark on just to when she disappeared the next morning leaving a note behind was all he could get from that… relationship?, no, it couldn’t even be called that way. “I can’t let go of her”

Your dad sighed, thinking Leon was doomed since 1998, recalling on it, the time they both were training on the military, each one for a different reason, he looked really messed up and after time went by and the two of them got to know each other your dad realized Leon had a valid reason to be like that, even though they were sent to different missions every time that bond they made help them go through the shitty days and missions. Your dad never really met Ada, it was like a ghost flying around through Leon’s words, a speech that never grew old to listen every time they met up, only having the blurry image of a woman with a bob and always a red item as clothes was the most close that he was able to know of her, a mysterious woman to say the least.

“Don’t scold me” He said, as if your dad was like 30 years older than him, it wasn’t, barely seven years between the two of them, Leon chuckled, a way to change the subject. “So, your daughter, is she still helping people when they are injured?”

“[____]?” Your dad laughed quietly in response, not wanting the previous subject to sting in Leon’s mind more. “She sometimes helps her classmates when they get hurt, she carries in her backpack a little first aid kit, kids nowadays get hurt every time, One time she told us that a guy challenged one of her friends to cut his palm with a broken mug, why would he do that?”

“Well, I understand the challenge but yeah, it’s pretty weird” Leon replied, his whiskey a swing away of nearing the end.

“But, you remember she wanted to be a doctor?, well, now she is… driving into the artistic path, she have gone through the ballerina phase, to the painter phase, to try figure skating and now she’s back with art” Your dad said, kind of trying to sound like he didn’t approved that but his voice was nothing else than proud about it.

“I think she’s pretty talented, one time she drew me when she was little, it wasn’t the greatest but its a start”

“I remember that drawing too, I have to say it’s pretty funny to watch when I pass by the fridge.”

“Damn, on the fridge?, I should have kept that masterpiece”

“It’ll get covered sooner than you can think, she’s been practicing way more than with any other subject”

“You know?, I remember that one time that I stumbled into your house almost bleeding she was… in the kitchen?, I don’t know, but she was drawing and it was past midnight, she puts real effort into art, I’d like to see what she can create” Leon said, genuine support leaving with his words.

“Uhm… Who knows, maybe you’ll get an actually good portrait soon”

➿——————————————————————————————➿

It was one of the couple of times that you spend time on other than your place or his, to say the least it was a relief, that locked room in your apartment safe and sound from his curiosity, you kept it short, you had two paintings done only the main one was still in process, if you didn’t start over and over again on the canvas it could have been already done but well, guess that’s a perfectionist details.

He decided that maybe you could try up a few dresses, something to hype himself up from the exhibition, he thought about it with his mind in the fact that way maybe half of the paintings done were about him he have been thinking in many colors that would fit it (and you), pacing around the store holding onto the dresses that you wanted to try on. Reaching where you could try them on you entered, telling him to wait until you changed into the first dress, you just wished everything was a surprise for him but, guess the dress wouldn’t add to the dramatic effect this time.

About three dresses in, just before changing into the fourth dress you saw a dress sliding over the door from the fitting room, a lady says that Leon sent this, and then left. The dress was pretty, quite marking the figure, it was a bright red, nothing that you would actually use for an exhibition but, why not try it on just for him?

Brushing your hair down as you made your way outside, feeling quite awkward by wearing something so tight, it wasn’t like it looked bad on you, the color fit your skin tone and such but, you couldn’t shake a feeling off. “So, what do you think?”

“You look stunning” He said, almost as if from the moment that he hand out the dress to the lady that sentence was in the tip of his tongue. “But, do you like it?”

“I mean, I like the color but… is not something that I would wear into that kind of event” You said, talking with honesty as you looked at yourself at the mirror on his side, your hands on your hips as you still cleared your thoughts about the dress. “I could buy it for something that isn’t the exhibition, like a date?” You said and the moment that you said date you felt some eyes on you and Leon, but hell, were you going to hide in your apartment forever?, hell no.

“That could be it too…” He said, trying to mask some disappointment yet his next sentence was genuine. “You have looked beautiful in all of them”

“Thanks” You replied with a smile, it felt good to be told that you looked beautiful.

Back at the fitting room you checked the dress once again, taking too much attention to it for a simple dress, until you received a text from Joe, it was an image, notifying you that he already had the tickets for the trip, sitting over the bench on underwear, you looked at the text that was along the text ‘See you next week T-T’, sighing you replied back with the same emotion.

After you tried on the rest of the dresses you choose a violet dress, you fond it pretty in not too much for people to look at you instead of your paintings. He ended up paying for the violet dress and of course the red one, he looked way more happy of getting that dress than you, tilting your head as you watched how the lady folded the dresses to place them inside the bag, suddenly your mind reminded that red blouse.

Oh.

Oh.

Chapter Text

Here you were, in the red dress that he bought for you, you didn’t expected to wear it that soon, you decided to match it with some black heels, thinking that would help the outfit, staring yourself in the mirror as you were mid-way from your make up, the third try to be honest, you surely were capable of doing your make up, sure but something always ended up not fitting, too much foundation, too much blush, a lipstick shade that didn’t ended up fitting, the eyebrow ended up always so messy, The skincare that you used before might be already washed away from your face from how many times you have wiped around your face, at this point you placed a towel around your shoulders and your chest to not ruin the dress.

You couldn’t really tell if this counted as some kind of official appearance outside from the people you knew that knew, you needed to look good, you didn’t wanted to look like a kid or something out of place, you wanted to look like a real partner, something that didn’t seemed off by the rest of the assistants, but thinking about it, would they even give a damn about it?, what kind of people would be there?, colleagues of him?, could you recognize people thanks to your dad?, you doubted it, the only one that actually took part in his life was Leon so, maybe just familiar faces.

Halfway of curling your ashes you received a text from Leon, saying he would be there in two hours, which made you panic, your hair was even barely brushed let alone the not even finished make up.

(…)

With thirty minutes left you were just sat at the sofa, staring a the tv that wasn’t even on, you already had your coat on, it was black, something that would completely cover up the dress, you were doubting if taking with you the packet of cigarettes, you couldn’t really say that you quit, you never do, just a break to let yourself breathe fresh air, you thought it would work better that way, the moment when you were about to stand up for the packet you heard a ring, sighing you stood up, leaving your favorite blanket on the side of the couch, it was getting cold. In front of the door you looked around, keeping your eyes on the kitchen when you knew that it was supposed to be hidden away from people but instead you opened the door, greeting Leon with an smile, red lipstick brightening your smile.

He was wearing a black suit, he looked good, black tie and white shirt, you just figured out that he looked amazing in everything he could wear.

“Wow, You look stunning” he said as he leaned in for a kiss on the lips, staining his own lips with the red a smirk leaving his lips as he realized that you were wiping away that, kissing your finger when you were about to withdraw your hand from there. “I don’t mind people noticing”

You laughed it off, placing the tiny and slim bag lace on your shoulder, the lipstick, phone and some compact powder were the few things that you got inside, you felt his hand gently easing down your hair in the back, maybe from the fact that you were resting on the sofa moments ago. “But, I can’t ruin your fancy look”

“Well, what can I say, I have worn this with every event like this for the past ten years but, thanks for the compliment, baby”

“…” you stayed silent for a few seconds. “You’re not going to die from cold?” You pointed out at his only-wearing-a-suit frame.

“I have one in the car, don’t worry” He said your expression going to ’you have a car?’ Which he immediately answered. “I wasn’t going to take you there on my bike, you’re too pretty for that” a chuckle left your lips at the answer, maybe the effort you put in yourself made something with your appearance.

“I would gladly go on your bike, but, i think that for the grace of the dress it wouldn’t be the greatest option” You said, she had to keep up to be able to look nice, a frown was never flattering to have around people, better start since now. “Sooo….we’re not going late?”

“You are copying my mannerisms?” He asked, referring to the usual of dragging words, he always looked so awkward when he did that but oh boy, you loved it. “We’re still on time, dont worry”

(…)

The way to the event was pretty calm, some chit-chat to cover the fact that you were nervous and you could tell he was too but he brushed it off with corny jokes, dismissing the concern in his voice every moment you two went closer to the event as if he was regretting his decision in the last minute, giving ocasional glances at you and letting a quiet sigh slip his lips after a joke, to seem like nothing happened, and if it worked for him then it will do for you too.

As he went inside the building to park his car you noticed all the different cars you had around both of you, there was another couple leaving their car and it seemed as if Leon was taking time to not be outside the car until those people were away of sight, but as he found an spot you noticed them coming after his window. The woman holding the guys man seemed younger than him, or just the job was making him look older, but if it was the first case you somewhat felt reassured, you two looked at each other, waiting for them to finish the polite chat between the two of them, once they finished Leon introduced you as his partner which you thought was a great advance.

“Oh, that’s… well, I’m Patrick, I met Leon quite a way back, It’s nice to meet you” He said as he held out his hand for him to shake, which you did, he seemed nice, then you looked at the woman.

“I’m Sasha, nice to meet you” She said, a little more happy to see your face than Patrick, you shakes her hand too. “I love your dress, pretty red, but classy” She commented which made you look down at the tiniest sight of your dress under your coat.

“Yeah, Yours is pretty too, white, simple but always something that flatters” You said, trying to put away the attention from you.

With a clearly awkward post conversation Patrick decided that it would be great if all of you went into the elevator together, yo two went behind the both of them, you held Leon’s arm as you two walked behind them he looked at you, a reassuring smile leaving his lips and his hand ending on yours to give a gentle tug of comfort which made half of your worries fade away.

As all four of you made it to the main event you said bye and ended walking around to get to a spot with less people, holding two glasses of wine for the two of you he gave one of them to you, a smile on his lips, as if all the doubt he had on the way here was erased and all left was almost looking proud of himself.

You met a couple of people of his line of work, he was cautious in visiting past memories with them, you weren’t supposed to know more about those things, you shouldn’t even know the small part he told you was already risking it big time, there was a couple of times where you lost him, glass of wine on your hand as you looked towards the crowd, he always knew where you were after a couple minutes, he showed off the dress as if it was him the one who was wearing it, and you couldn’t lie, you liked the appreciation and the detail he put on you, it was amazing to be that noticed by him.

But you couldn’t shake one feeling off, you couldn’t really say that he was being avoidant, kind of comments brushing off your assistance. These times that you turned around the more distance he put between the both of you, it was the chatter and the constant movement that made you start to lose him in the crowd, event tho you were used of being surrounded by people but just it wasn’t the event for you, you started to move away from the corner that you were left in, making it past people that were getting under the influence pretty quick to say the least… guess this was how the government works, its just how the world works.
As you finally made it to one small balcony, closing the door behind you you sighed, the noise and chatter sounded a little less intimidating, and the one cigarette that was lonely in your purse made it easier to feel at ease, soon enough you lit it up.

The heavy weight of all the people surrounding you soon stated to fade away, resting your hands against the railing you gaze at the sky, the sun covered by the moon was bright providing the light that tried to illuminate the dark sky, it was a night without stars, apart from the moon everything was consumed in a dark blue, the opposite of what was going on down on the streets, the sight of the dropdown was a little too light in contrast, the cars passing by was a surprisingly relaxing sight along with the smoke feeling your sense. Does the sun feels alone when its the one that is shining the most?

A quiet tone made you lose your focus into everything that seemed peaceful, you stared at your phone screen, Joe’s name bright on the top center, you let it ring a little more, doubting if you should pick up or just call him back later, he knew you were going to be here som why?, yet other familiar voice could help with the stress.

“Hmm?” You answered.

“Just checking up” He replied, almost relieved that you answered. “How’s the night going?, are you the heart of the party?”

“Bet, I wouldn’t call this a party, or is just the fact that’s is been a while since im in one that isn’t the exhibitions” You took a drag of the cig to then let it go. “There’s a bunch of people that I dont know, well, like everyone”

“Dang, not even someone you could’ve met your dad?” It sounded like he stood up from where he was. “Or your Dad?, I thought he would be there too”

“Nope, no one” You started, sighing and started walking around the small balcony “I thought I could see someone but… they’re all strangers and older than me, I dont even like the alcohol here, I thought I could just pass the time with it but it just sucks”

“You shouldn’t be drinking though” He said fast, it sounded like started to eat something, was he having dinner? “But, I get it, Im not your mom yet im kinda glad that you didn’t liked it”

“I met someone tho” You said, hearing a hum in reply, questioning it “It was a Leon’s colleague… he seemed nice, I mean, I haven’t see him in a while but I haven’t seen Leon in a while too so, guess it doesn’t really matter”

“You haven’t seen him?, Aren’t you like his date or something?”

“I mean, he bragged about me in the beginning but then he started greeting some people and I lost him so… yeah, I’m kinda bored”

“Jeez, since I’m usually the one who stays in that kind of parties when you leave, guess you’re not really used to it, and if he just disappeared, I get it” He joked, there was a hint in his voice that he tried to cheer you up. “But, maybe this would make your mood swing, I could arrange your trip to Spain, I tried to find the lodging the closer where you want to go but you’ll still have too do some car ride to get there”

“Oh, that’s actually great news” You said, looking down at the already death cigarette sighing and stretching one of your arms up. “I thought you were coming with me though?”

“Yeah… Something came up with the exhibition, I tried to fix it a couple days ago, It’s all going to resolve soon enough, just some schedule planning mistake”

“I’ll finish the painting once Im back from the trip, I just need to secure some info that Im hoping is still there” You said, a little panicked to think that it may be because of the deadline.

“I know, I trust the sketches and the ones that are already completed, it’s not because of that, just find what you need to find there, I’ll pick you up when you are back”

“Is a shame, I wish you could see my vision”

“What vision?” Leon asked from behind, head tilted to the side with one whiskey on his right hand, he didn’t seemed drunk, but maybe a little tipsy by the subtle grin that he had hanging on his lips.

“Leon!” You said, somewhat a little louder for Joe to get that he should hang up by now, which you notice that he got the clue and as you peeked at your phone the call was no longer going on. “You’re close to see it all, stay cool”

➰————————————————————➰

Early teenage years, phone in hand and the lighting in your room almost seemed like it flickered every time you looked around, a self-loathing plea leaving your lips the more the time passed, just earning sighs from the person across the phone, the more time that passed the new excuse you tried to put in your lips, just something would work, something to not leave you alone, something to let her see that you weren’t a nuisance, that you could just climb at the same time, the same step that she took you could run the mile just to reach her, for her to be by your side, plea after plea, your voice getting broken by every word you spoke. Brick by brick of friendship being destroyed in a simple call.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t… I can’t have you as as a burden by my side” She said, almost too selfish for you to understand it, gaze falling on the mirror in front of your bed, as you were sat hearing the reasons of being called a burden, each of one felt like a step on your heart, over and over again. “I know you try to be with me but you… it’s a waste of time for me, im sorry”

With that she hung up.

Soon after you sent her a message, hoping you two could at least be in contact for her to see that you could achieve to be nothing else but a friend to walk with, yet, there was no response.

By the next week you found that she had blocked you, rotting in bed you stared at the ceiling of your room, unfazed by the steps going up through the stairs, your dad shouted that someone would be here soon and to be honest you didn’t really minded, covering yourself with a blanket and rolling to the side until you touched the wall.

“[____]?” You heard a voice coming from the door of your room, it was open so everyone could get inside. “What happened?, your boyfriend broke up with you?”

“I have never had a boyfriend” You said, coiling in as you weren’t in the mood for jokes. “Im not planning to either”

“Im just joking, your dad says that you’ve been down lately, that you were sad on his birthday and in all honesty you did seemed pretty depressed” The voice said, feeling a shift on weight in your bed, he sat down. “He misses you” He said, as you felt something soft along your cheeks, you felt your dog which made you peek up, seeing his face of pure love and confusion.

“Hi” You said quietly, the hair messy as you sat up, you couldn’t deny that it cheered you up, he was just cute, soft and loving, what else could’ve been better for you other than his mere existence.

“See? He’s good for you” Leon said, you were so in the void that barely recognized his voice, looking to the side at him you sighed, letting your dog cuddle on your legs as you looked at him. “What happened?”

“It’s nonsense” You said, petting your dog as you blinked slowly, you have been sleepless since a few weeks so, you needed a wel deserved nap, overthinking about what you did wrong wouldn’t led to anything good.

“If it keeps you laying in bed I doubt that its nonsense”

“Do you think Im a burden?” You asked, looking at him, pleading to him to say that you weren’t, that he didn’t see you as one, that she was wrong, that you could rely on someone, that you were more than a nuisance.

“A burden?” He asked, looking around of your room, taking a moment to think about it, it didn’t seemed like he was sure that you were, instead he seemed like he was trying to figure out a way to comfort you, until he looked at you again, now with a smile on his face. “You are not a burden and whoever that said that you were one… just didn’t have the guts to be next to you”

“But… She told me that I was one, I was willing to run next to her, I was willing to crawl just to reach her side, yet… she doesn’t want me to, she doesn’t think I can” You said, your voice breaking once again. “She helped me all the way here and now she’s sick of me?, what have I done for her to get rid of me?”

“Is not worth it for you to worry, She’s getting “rid” of someone talented and someone that has a right mind, dont think that if she goes away you wont be able of making what you dream of, she got away then hope she achieve what she wants but yearning what it could’ve been is what the actual nonsense” He said as he brushed your hair down, trying to make it look better. “Everything blooms back, even if she doesn’t comes back with you you will be okay”

You looked up at him, glassy eyes staring at him, resisting the urge to cry your heart out.

“Im here with you, I will always be”

➰————————————————————➰

After both of you were tired from the party here you were, barely some clothes in, with you brushing his hair down to soothe him into sleeping, his fingers, carefully grazing over your waist for you to do the same.

You were so happy for him to see your creations.