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Chapter Text

Harry’s House Has a Blue Door.

1.

Louis’ alarm clock beeped noisily on his bedside table, the sound shrill and high in the still of the pre-dawn of another day. His hand shot out from underneath his warm duvet and he slammed his hand down on the offending item cutting off the irritating sound. Silence. Blessed silence.

Louis groaned, and thought about snuggling back beneath his duvet and to hell with his routine. He managed to do that for ten seconds until Stanley, his adoring but annoying cat, began to meow and paw Louis’ back urging him to get up and feed him breakfast.

Louis threw the duvet off of him, sat up in his bed and groaned again. He rubbed his tired eyes, blinked a few times before he reached over to the bedside table to find his glasses. When his hand closed around them, he put them on and blinked behind the lenses bringing his tired eyes into focus. He looked at Stanley who sat on his bed all prim and proper, looking at Louis through large golden green eyes as if he was saying, “well get on with it hooman, I’m ravished and I need to be fed.” Louis rolled his eyes.

‘Alright your Royal Highness King Stanley LeRoy of Notting Hill Kingdom, I’m up and at your service.’ Stanley hopped off the bed gracefully, padded towards the closed bedroom door his tail held high and straight like the King that he was and threw Louis a look. “Well, are you coming to serve me or not?” that look said. Louis let out a small huff.

Welcome to another day in the life of Louis Tomlinson, thirty two year old, divorced, single, old fashioned (I mean who in the year 2024 still used an actual alarm clock instead of their mobile phone?), owner of Notting Hill bookshop, no social life whatsoever excluding time spent having dinner at his friends’ house Zayn and Liam who were married and sickly in love with each other and their daughter, his friend Zoey who was an influencer (or so she liked to think of herself as one when in fact she influenced no one), blogger and professional dog walker, his two other friends who were engaged Anya and Gianna and his loud, messy Irish flatmate Niall and his sister Iris.

Louis was an avid football fan and Manchester United and Doncaster Rovers were his teams, a bookworm, a tea lover, a loner and an introvert who had no time, energy or desire to date even though his friends had been pestering him to jump back on the horse and date again.

For the past year ever since his divorce from his cheating, lying, scheming husband of four years Jordan had been finalised, every chance they got, they had set him up on blind dates. He reluctantly went on these dates but he always claimed that there had not been a connection with any of the men. Then Zayn and Liam had taken it upon themselves to host dinner parties where his beloved friends would bring a co-worker or someone they knew to introduce Louis to hoping he might make a connection but Louis had smiled throughout these dinner parties, laughed and interacted with each prospect but there had never been a connection. He simply did not want to jump back on the dating horse.

Louis stretched and yawned loudly, his joints popping and creaking. He got out of bed and headed straight for the shower. Stanley sat down beside the door and gave Louis an annoyed look.

‘I won’t be long,’ Louis promised. You’re not going to starve so stop looking at me down your cute pink nose you drama queen.’ He closed his bathroom door and turned on the shower, took off his glasses and quickly shaved then got beneath the hot water, letting his muscles relax and trying not to think about how many lazy morning showers he and Jordan had shared in this same shower, the intimate touches and the whispered promises in the throes of passion.

Louis knew that for the past year since Jordan had left him, his life had become a boring, monotonous routine: wake up at 6am, shower, feed Stanley, breakfast, clean up after Niall, brush his teeth, get dressed and open his bookshop at 9am sharp.

In the evening, after he closed the bookshop at 8pm, he’d come home to Stanley, shower, make dinner and sit in front of the telly and eat. Afterwards, read until he fell asleep on the couch with his glasses askew and Stanley purring on his lap.

But as boring as his life was, he loved it. At least it was his and he had created a little bit of structure out of the wreckage that Jordan had left in his wake. It was through this simple routine that Louis had managed to regain control of his life after his marriage and his life had fallen apart. He needed this routine to keep him grounded, and to keep him from straying to thoughts about Jordan and why he hadn’t been enough to keep his husband or who Jordan is fucking now.

So, he stuck safely to his routine because Louis wasn’t spontaneous or carefree. Once upon a time he had been spontaneous, carefree and adventurous. But he had carelessly and blindly given his heart away. He let his guard down and fell head first into love with gorgeous, charismatic Jordan until he crash landed on hard ground when he had discovered that Jordan, his boyfriend of two years and husband of four years had been cheating on him for most of the time they had been together. This had hit Louis hard, the impact had broken him into fragments.

It had been a hard pill to swallow for Louis. Many times he had had suspicions: all those late nights at work which had turned out to be secret hook-ups, the different colognes he had smelled on Jordan’s shirts, the changed password on his phone, the secret smiles as he texted relentlessly. But Louis had been afraid to confront him and ask because he had been terrified of giving voice to his suspicions so he had ignored the red flags that waved frantically in his face and came bearing loud warning sirens.

Louis had chosen to ignore them because at the end of the day, Jordan still came home to him and made love to him and treated him nicely as he always had. There had been no change in his attitude toward Louis, no change in the sex or romance either so Louis had locked his suspicions away because he didn’t want them to be true. He didn’t want his life to change.

Jordan had been his first serious relationship, his first love, the first man who had actually wanted to be with him and Louis didn’t know how to be out of this relationship. He didn’t know who he was without his relationship with Jordan. He simply didn’t know if he could even function without Jordan, so he had told himself not to be stupid.

Jordan would never cheat on him. Jordan loved him!

Jordan would never risk their marriage.

Until his friends, roommate and his sister couldn’t take it any longer and took matters into their own hands. It pained them to see Louis so oblivious to what was as clear as day! If they could see it, why couldn't he? They had formed a squad behind his back and stalked Jordan. They had brought Louis proof in the form of pictures and videos that Jordan had been indeed cheating on him with multiple people. Louis had been heartbroken but he had no other choice but confront Jordan. Jordan hadn’t even had the decency to deny it. He had smiled his lopsided, easy, sex smile and had told Louis that since they had gotten married, Louis had become boring, that their sex life lacked drive and passion and that married life wasn’t what he had been expecting. He had told Louis that he wasn’t satisfied and that he needed more.

When Louis had asked him why then had he remained married to him for four whole years, Jordan had just shrugged and told him that he had stayed because it was like living with a maid: he always came home to a clean house, clean clothes, dinner on the table and all he had to do was fuck the maid once in a while. Even though the maid just lay there limp and unenthusiastic but took it and it was still a convenient win for him. In those hurtful words, Louis had understood then why Jordan had put off having babies with him. Jordan had fallen out of love with him and just stayed because it was convenient. Louis had been nothing but a convenience!

But now that it was all in the open, Jordan had no reason to stay. He had moved out of the house with the blue door in Notting Hill the very next day. A week later, Louis had received the divorce papers.

And even though the divorce had broken Louis in all ways a man could be broken, he had found out that he could live without Jordan. Or at least live a half life without him. He hated to think that he wasn’t complete. Jordan had left an emptiness within him, a need for another soul to connect with yet Louis was afraid and reluctant of offering himself up to another person, making himself vulnerable again to being cheated on, dumped and broken. He couldn't take another broken heart. Jordan had said that he was boring and the sex lacked passion and drive. Other men would surely find him as such too.

So, Louis just took life as it came to him without looking for anyone to connect with. He reasoned that if someone was meant for him, they would come to him without him having to go out and look for them. They would find him! After all he had his sister, his friends, his roommate, his bookshop, his cat and his books.

What more could he want? It was enough. It had to be enough because Louis was done and had to content himself with a lonely existence.

He trudged downstairs dressed for the day with Stanley weaving in and out of his legs, purring and meowing his protests at being left so long without his breakfast.

‘Stan, one of these days you’re going to trip me down the stairs and break my neck. Who will feed you then hmm?’ Stanley meowed louder. Louis flipped on the kitchen lights, took one look around the kitchen and silently cursed Niall for being so messy. The sink which he had left empty the day before now contained a dirty plate, a bowl, two glasses, three mugs and cutlery. Crumbs on the kitchen counter. Sauce smudges. Spilt tea. Discarded teabags. Louis sighed.

He flipped on the kettle and while the water boiled began to filled up Stanley’s bowl with food. He put it down on the mat by the backdoor and immediately, Stanley began chomping down the dry kibble as if he hadn’t eaten for days instead of only the previous evening. Louis then began cleaning the kitchen because he couldn’t sit down and enjoy a cuppa while the kitchen was a disaster. Once the kitchen was clean, he made his tea and took it to the living room where there was more mess courtesy of Niall.

As Louis was finishing up the living room, fluffing up the cushions and folding the blanket, Niall walked down the stairs in just his boxers still half asleep, scratching his balls and his head at the same time. Louis thought he looked like a monkey but he kept the thought to himself. Niall flopped down on the couch.

‘Make us a cuppa mate,’ he told Louis as he yawned loudly, continuing to scratch his balls while with the other hand he grabbed the remote and flipped on the telly. Louis made a mental note to sanitize the remote control. Louis threw him the dusting cloth he had left on the side table when he had finished dusting, smacking Niall in the face.

‘Oi,’ Niall complained.

‘Make your own cuppa. I’ve cleaned up your mess. Would it kill you to not leave so much mess behind you?’ Niall smirked at him.

‘Not my fault you have OCD mate.’

‘It is not OCD to keep a clean apartment,’ Louis argued.

‘It is in your case,' Niall replied. Louis huffed.

‘What if we have unexpected guests?’ Louis asked him. Niall chuckled.

‘What guests? We never have guests let alone unexpected ones. Make us a cuppa love,’ Niall said grinning up at Louis. Louis rolled his eyes.

‘I’m off to work. It’s nearly nine. Please Niall keep the place clean.’

‘Sure,’ Niall said round a yawn.

Louis shook his head leaving Niall as he stretched across the couch flipping through the channels. He picked up his messenger bag, phone and keys. He looked at Stanley who was busy grooming himself on the kitchen counter.

‘Stanley you know you’re not allowed on the kitchen counter! You'll get hair everywhere. Get down,’ Louis told him but Stanley LeRoy, the King of Notting Hill Kingdom didn’t even spare Louis a look. He continued to groom himself. Louis groaned, turned and walked down the stairs. He pulled open the front door, the Blue Door in Notting Hill and stepped out into the busy street.

It was Spring. The sun was shining even though there was a chill in the air. It was market day on Portobello Road. The fruit, vegetable and flower market was up and running, people already filling up the streets of Notting Hill. They sold every fruit, vegetable and flower known to man! Louis took in a deep breath, exhaled softly and started walking towards his book shop waving good mornings to the people he knew. Many of the market vendors and shop owners on Portobello Road called out their 'Good mornings' to Louis as they opened up their shops for the day’s business, waving at him, wishing him a good day. He loved Notting Hill.

This is where he lived, in a small village in a big city. He was divorced, single, shared a his flat with his unusual, loud Irish friend and he had friends and a sister who loved him. He loved his life.

He stopped at a stall selling flowers and he bought a colourful bunch. He didn’t know what the names of the various flowers in the bunch were but that didn’t matter. What mattered was that they were colourful and smellt nice. He loved to have fresh flowers at the shop and it wasn’t because they reminded him of how Jordan used to send him flowers when they had first started dating. No, it wasn’t that. Flowers made Louis happy and he bought them for himself because he didn’t need a man to buy them for him. He thanked the seller and continued on his way to his shop, whistling as he went. As he opened his shop, the little bell above the door chiming cheerfully. He stepped inside loving the smell of books that always greeted him. Sun streamed in from the front window. He had a shipment of books coming in today and he had to change the books on the display table by the front window.

‘Good morning,’ he said into the empty shop. Of course no one replied back but he always greeted his books with a good morning. They were not just books. They were his babies, they were his friends. They had consoled him when Jordan had broken his heart. They had been his companion through those long nights after Jordan had left him. He flipped on the lights as he went and set about getting organized for the day.

He put the flowers in a vase, smiling at them as he arranged them in the freshwater, humming to himself, a song that had been playing on the radio for the last few weeks. It had been at the top of the charts for a few weeks. Nick Grimshaw played it constantly on his breakfast show but then again, Harry Styles was Nick’s bestie so Louis thought it was sweet that Nick played his best friend’s song on the radio. His shop assistant Lionel would be in soon and come bearing gifts in the form of coffee from Delia’s little coffee shop down the road and if he was lucky, Lionel would remember to bring him one of Delia’s homemade blueberry muffins.

Yes, life was good. He may not have a partner, he may not have the love of the man of his dreams but life was good. Louis was determined to be grateful and focus on what he had rather than wallow in self misery and self-deprecating thoughts wishing for what he didn’t have.

Life didn’t work that way. At least his life didn’t work that way.

He wanted to manifest good things, great things for himself, he knew that if he thought positive thoughts and sent out nothing but positivity into the world, then the Universe would hopefully, maybe someday send something good his way.

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

It was meant to be a shopping trip. A relaxing, easy shopping trip that Harry had been planning ever since he had been about to finish his North American leg of the tour. He had been on tour for a couple of months and even though he loved what he did, he loved when it was time to pack it up, go back home and be normal. Do normal things. Well as normal as a person like him with international stardom could do normal things. Usually whenever he tried to do normal things like go to Tesco for some groceries or for a walk, he ended up being followed, stopped, asked for pics, had mobile phones shoved in his face for selfies, signed endless autographs, asked a lot of questions and sometimes, on rare occasions, mobbed and groped. Today was one of those days where he set out for an innocent shopping trip and ended up getting mobbed.

Harry had gotten up that morning, dressed himself as simply as he could hoping he wouldn’t be recognized but he knew that he was only kidding himself. Even if he dressed himself in a costume, his fans may not recognize his face but they would surely recognize his walk! But Harry tried. He truly loved his fans, truly but he wished that when he was off stage and not working, they would treat him like any other human being. Maybe say “hi,” wave or say “good morning Harry have a good day” like normal people do to each other but that was wishful thinking. His fans always got excited whenever they saw him in the street. Harry understood that. It was part of the job. So he dressed himself simply in a plain Gucci shirt from last season, a blue Nike windbreaker and had set out confidently that morning on his greatly anticipated and meticulously planned shopping trip.

He had planned it while he was still on tour. He thought about lazy mornings with no schedule. No flights. No hotels. No living out of suitcases and clothes on racks. No people waiting on him hand and foot. He wanted to have bad hair days and be a couch potato. And he wanted to go shopping! Get to do normal things. That morning he had told his driver to drop him off two streets over from Sloane Street, his targeted Gucci store because he wanted to stroll. She had looked at him with a furrowed brow and reminded him that he could not stroll down the street unattended.

This had angered Harry but he kept his frustrations in check. It was not her fault that he was who he was and people recognized him everywhere he went. She was just doing her job. He knew what he was risking going out without his bodyguard and driver especially since he had a stalked who camped outside his home but he desperately needed time alone to feel normal. He reassured her that he would be fine and that he had done it before. She had looked at him skeptically and asked him when had Jeff ever let him go out unattended especially now that he had a stalker. Harry had ground his perfect teeth together and put his foot down. He wasn’t a little boy! He was capable of going out and doing some shopping for himself, stepping away from the persona on stage and be “just” Harry and go about his day in peace. Stalker or no stalker! Harry knew that his management would not approve of him wandering the streets alone without security. They never left him by himself. The only times they left him alone when he was in his house behind closed doors and locked windows. But today he was determined to go out shopping. By himself! Come what may!

He put on a pair of dark sunglasses, grabbed his Pleasing tote and set off. Reluctantly his driver dropped him off two streets over as Harry had instructed her and told her to go home. He saw her hesitate, trying to decide what to do but he insisted that he would he fine and she finally gave in but only after making him promise to call her if he needed her. Harry reassured her he wouldn’t need her.

When she pulled away from the curb, Harry took in a deep breath, exhaled and began walking down the street. As much as he tried to relax, he couldn’t. He braced himself for that first moment of recognition by someone, for that unbelieving shriek at what they were seeing, for being approached, looked at with dazzled eyes. Even for the stalker accosting him on the road! Oh yes, Harry was ready for it all but still he kept his head down and whistled to himself as he walked along the street like a normal person.

He made it on to Sloane Street, feeling more confident that he could actually do this. He headed towards the Gucci store but alas as he had been ready to step inside, a girl recognized him and stopped him to ask for a selfie. Harry really didn’t want to. This was his time off. His free time away from being Harry Styles! He also knew that the moment the picture was taken, it would be uploaded on to Twitter along with a hashtag and his location and that would be the end of his peaceful shopping trip, but he couldn’t say “no”, could he especially since she was looking at him with dazzled eyes? His fans always did so much for him and they gave him so much. He knew they loved him and wanted to meet him, so he was fully aware that a picture with him would make their dreams come true. So, even though his first instinct was to say “no thank you,” he smiled at the girl, nodded and posed for the selfie, giving his dimpled smile and custom peace sign at the camera. At least the girl hadn’t been clingy. She thanked him through her happy tears and was on her way, hugging her phone with the precious picture in it to her chest. Harry smiled to himself and went inside the Gucci store.

He counted to fifty in his head as he scanned the new shirts and shoes, then took out his phone and went on Twitter. And rightly so, there it was, the picture with the caption: I can’t believe I just met #HarryStyles outside the Gucci store on Sloane Street. My lucky day. He’s so beautiful and kind. Going to treasure this memory for as long as I live.

Harry shook his head and tucked his phone away. His time was limited. He had to hurry up and cut his shopping trip short before they came running.

As he was trying on a pair of horse bit leather loafers, one of the assistants walked up to Harry and cleared his throat to get Harry’s attention. Harry looked up and smiled at the man.

‘I will take these please. And the two shirts and the suit,’ Harry said politely. The man nodded.

‘Sir I think you should use the back exit of the building. There is some commotion from a group of onlookers at the front of the shop crowding the sidewalk.’ Harry felt his cheeks heat up.

‘I apologize for the inconvenience,' Harry began but the man put his hand up and smiled at Harry.

‘I assure you it is no inconvenience to us at all. We are quite used to this. It is for your safety and privacy that I have suggested you take the back exit unless you wish to,' the man said, letting the rest of his sentence fade to nothing, not wanting to sound as if he was making decisions for Harry. Harry was a regular customer at their Gucci store and they knew how to care for his privacy.

‘Thank you. That is very kind of you,' Harry told him as he made his way to the counter to pay for his purchases and arrange to have them delivered at his London home. He always felt awkward when his fans made it cumbersome for other people by crowding the sidewalk, banging on the glass front of shops, making excessive noise or blocking the traffic while carelessly standing in the road. He might be used to it but the general public was not.

He handed his card to the cashier who quickly did the transaction then handed Harry back his card and receipt promising that his purchases would be delivered the next day. Harry shook hands with them and thanked them for their help then followed the salesman to the back of the shop into a storage room. The man opened the back door and Harry found himself in a narrow quiet road lined with trees and no fans. Again, he thanked the man and decided to cut his shopping trip short and call his driver to come get him and take him home. He hated that she was going to tell him I told you so but unless he wanted to be mobbed, it was the sensible thing to do.

He pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket as he walked. He was so intent on getting out of there that he did not realize that he had turned a corner and came out on Sloane Street, just a corner away from the Gucci store. He saw the fans crowding the display windows trying to peek inside to maybe catch a glimpse of him. There were around twenty of them. Harry was always scared of a mobbing. He didn’t like it. Didn’t like the crowds pushing in on him when he didn’t have security with him, grabbing and pulling at him. It terrified him. He always felt exposed and vulnerable and he always panicked in such situations. He tried to tap on his driver’s number but his hands were shaking from panic and anxiety from worrying that one of the eagle eyed fans would spot him and lead the chase to corner him. His phone slipped out of his fingers but luckily he caught it before it fell to the pavement. He tried to dial again but before the call had connected successfully, one of the girls spotted him.

‘Harry!’ she screamed at the top of her lungs. Harry froze on the spot as twenty pairs of eyes turned on him, wide, astonished, unbelieving of what they were seeing, eyes that zeroed in on him. He felt like a target. A prey being hunted down. Harry shook himself out of his freeze response, turned and set off running down the road before the girls could give chase, a stampede of shoes slapping the pavement charging in his direction. His heart was beating fast and hard as he tried to find an escape route but his vision was blurry and he didn’t know where he was going. He just ran blindly down roads, past people who looked at him like he was crazy wondering who or what he was running from and getting out of his way to avoid collision. Harry apologized breathlessly as he ran, the screaming girls getting closer. All he wanted was to be safe.

*

Harry didn’t know how he ended up in Notting Hill. Not that it mattered where he was because the girls were still tracking him and he was terrified. His Gucci loafers slapped rhythmically on the pavement, occasionally slipping because they weren’t his usual running shoes. They lacked grip. In his panic to get away from the girls, he kept losing traction with the pavement but thank God he managed to keep his footing and not fall. He needed a safe place away from them so he could call his driver to come and pick him up. The screams behind him intensified. They were coming in hot like heat seeking missiles getting closer and fast. Harry ran faster.

He turned a corner and came smack right in the middle of Portobello Road’s market which was swarming with people. Shit! More people. He dashed past a few stalls earning curious and angry glances from vendors and their customers. He chuckled. Wait until the stampede of girls pursuing him spilled out in the middle of the market! The vendors and customers were not going to be happy! Across the street he saw a bookshop and made a beeline for it.

He pushed the door open with his shoulder, stumbling inside the shop nearly falling in his haste to get to safety. A bell on the door tinkled cheerfully announcing his arrival. For a moment his heart stopped because he feared people inside the shop would recognize him but thank God the shop was empty and quiet. Harry looked around the shop. It was nothing like Waterstones. It was like one of those antique books shops from a different era where you entered and magical things happened. Who had a bouquet of fresh flowers on the counter and a bell that tinkled when the door opened? This shop did.

Harry looked around the beautiful shop. There was a table near the front window with a display of books. Sunlight peeked in sending shafts of warm, golden light on the carpeted floor and bookshelves. Dust motes danced in the air. The smell of books was beautiful and Harry couldn’t help but take in a deep breath and inhale the scent. Then he remembered why he had ducked into this shop in the first place. He quickly hid behind the bookshelves pretending to browse the books but kept his eyes on the display window to see if he had been spotted going into the shop. He saw the girls emerge onto the street and look around trying to find him, arguing among themselves about which way Harry could have possibly gone.

‘Can I help you?’ a voice behind Harry asked, making him jump three feet in the air. Harry turned around and paused with his hand on his heart, the words stuck on his tongue. In front of him was this beautiful man with an amused smile tugging at his lips, soft caramel hair falling into blue eyes shining from the sun streaming into the dusty bookstore and amusement.

‘Hi, I um I no thank you. I’m just ugh..’

‘Hiding from that mob of girls across the street?’ the man asked him as he pointed to the now even larger group of girls than the ones that had initially given him chase, frantically looking up and down the street. Harry felt his face heat up. Did this handsome man know who he was and h was making fun of him?

‘Yes,’ Harry admitted softly.

‘Well you can’t blame them, can you?’ the man said with a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Harry didn't know if this beautiful man was mocking him but he didn't care if he was because he was beautiful. The man leaned in a little closer to Harry and whispered: ‘I’ll let you in on a secret. I’m secretly fangirling too on the inside. It’s not every day that Harry Styles pops into my bookshop,’ the man told him with a cheeky grin that made Harry's pulse quicken.

‘You…you know who I am?’ Harry asked and the moment the words left his mouth he felt like an idiot for saying them. He felt his face grow hotter.

‘Who doesn’t?’ the man asked still smiling softly at him. Harry cleared his throat.

‘Is this your shop?’ Harry asked him to deflect any more talk about him. He didn’t want to talk about himself. The last thing he needed was this man fangirling over him! Or under him! On second thoughts, Harry wouldn’t actually mind if this beautiful man fangirled over and under him! Harry's smile popped out both his dimples with that thought but he quickly reminded himself to keep those thoughts to himself. The man upon seeing Harry smile his dimpled smile, smiled wider and held out his hand to Harry.

‘Louis Tomlinson. Welcome to Bookends. At your service.’ Harry took the proffered hand and shook it. It was smaller than his, softer, warmer. He wanted to keep it.

‘Nice to meet you,’ Harry said. Louis’ blue eyes were stunning. They reminded him of a beach in Jamaica he liked to go to whenever he was there. Louis cleared his throat.

‘The pleasure is mine but I think you should hide in the back room. Your fans are making their way across the road.’ Harry tore his eyes away from Louis and sure enough the girls were running across the street to the shop he was hiding in. Louis saw the fear in his green eyes.

‘Shit,’ Harry hissed as he ran a hand through his curly hair. His anxiety was palpable and Louis could feel it.

‘Come this way,’ Louis as urged him to follow him. Harry followed him and Louis showed him to a door behind the counter. He held it open for him and Harry ducked in just in time as the shop door flew open, the bell tinkling wildly as a few girls rushed in. They stopped inside the shop, the others pushing against them to get in too.

‘Can I help you?’ Louis asked them as he got out from behind the counter and launched into librarian mode.

‘Did Harry Styles come in here?’ one of the girls asked full of excitement. Louis smiled at them.

‘What would Harry Styles be doing in my humble bookshop?’

‘True but we were chasing him and this is the only shop in the vicinity he was running in so it would make sense for him to duck in here,’ another one told him, her voice dripping with scorn and impatience. Louis folded his arms across his chest.

‘And why would you be chasing the poor man around?’ Louis asked them. Another of the girls rolled her eyes and scoffed.

‘Do you even know who Harry Styles is? You probably don’t since you’re a librarian.’ Louis chuckled.

‘I do know who he is. I happen to enjoy music very much actually but I hate to disappoint you. He is not here I’m afraid.’ They didn’t seem convinced. They craned their necks looking round the bookshelves, seeing that the shop was indeed empty, the herd of fans conceded to Louis and filed out with unimpressed and disappointed facial expressions. In their haste to continue their search for Harry Styles, a few of them knocked against the table by the front window display of books and toppled them over onto the carpeted floor. Louis sighed. It had taken him ages to stack up those books!

Before the door had fully closed, it opened again and Louis' assistant Lionel entered the shop and saw the disaster.

‘What was that stampede that just left the shop all about? What happened here?’ he asked. Louis looked about the shop as if fearing those girls would hear him.

‘Harry is in the back room,’ Louis told him softly. Lionel stared at him blankly, a perfect resting bitch face.

‘Harry who?’

‘Styles,’ Louis replied. Lionel stared at him then burst out laughing.

‘Harry Styles is in our backroom,’ he said his tone sarcastic. ‘THE Harry Styles? In our backroom? Pfff.’

‘That’s why those girls stampeded into my shop. They thought he was in here. Well, he was so I hid him in the backroom. They were chasing him. I couldn't possibly leave him to them.’ Lionel kept looking at him in amused bewilderment then he burst out laughing again.

‘Have you been smoking without me this morning already?’ he asked him still laughing hard.

‘You’re an asshole,’ Louis told him as he went behind the counter and opened the door. ‘They’re gone,’ he said. ‘You can come out now. It’s safe.’ Harry emerged from the back room feeling rather shy and awkward.

‘I am so sorry for the inconvenience,’ Harry said softly. ‘They tend to get over excited.’ Louis smiled at him.

‘Who wouldn’t? I’m excited too.’ Harry smiled back at him, a soft tender smile.

‘I’m surprised you know who I am,’ he said. Louis grinned at him.

‘Why? Because I’m a librarian?’ Harry’s eyes widened in shock and his cheeks burned hot.

‘No,’ he quickly said. ‘No...I…I mean…I,’ Louis chuckled.

‘Well your fans seemed surprised that I knew who you are, you know, with me being a librarian and all but I’m just messing with you. Hard not to know who you are when you are everywhere.’

‘Oh my fucking God it’s really Harry Styles!’ Lionel exclaimed startling Harry who looked at him with guarded eyes and without even knowing it, he took a step closer to Louis. When he realized what he had done, he froze on the spot and hoped that Louis did not notice.

‘Lionel calm down,’ Louis told him calmly. He could see that Harry had taken a step closer to him and had tensed up.

‘Calm down? This is Harry fucking Styles we’re talking about!' Lionel said fanning himself with a sheaf of papers he grabbed off the counter not caring that they were invoices. 'Don’t tell me to calm down Louis. Hello,’ he said, holding out his hand to Harry. ‘I am a very big fan.’ Louis rolled his eyes at his assistant. Harry extended his hand and shook his hand.
‘Hello. Nice to meet you,’ Harry said politely. Lionel placed his hand on his heart and pretend to swoon as he continued to fan himself.

‘I cannot believe this! Can we take a picture? My friends are going to totally freak out and get so jealous when they see it.’ Lionel produced his phone and shoved it towards Louis. ‘Here, be a darling and take the pic.’ He crowded into Harry’s space and Louis could tell that Harry was uncomfortable. He looked like a scared lamb! He stood very stiffly next to Lionel who made himself very comfortable in Harry's personal space. Louis quickly took the photo and gave the phone back to Lionel.

‘My twitter is going to blow up,’ Lionel said as his fingers typed on his phone.

‘Um do you mind if you don’t post it just yet?’ Harry asked him. ‘I don’t want to be mobbed again.’ Lionel looked at him feeling confused at his request so Louis intervened.

‘Lionel don’t post the picture,’ Louis told him. ‘Haven’t you seen that mob of girls out there chasing him? If you upload it now they will know that he is here and they will be back.’ Lionel scowled and didn't look too pleased at Harry's request. Harry didn’t fail to notice the displeasure on his face.

‘It’s only until I get home,’ Harry explained. ‘Then you can um post it.’ Louis could tell that Harry was feeling awkward about having to ask.

‘Lionel give him some privacy alright. Put your phone away.’ Lionel shrugged and with evident displeasure pocketed his phone. Harry realized that Lionel was one of those “fans” and was only chasing after clout for his social media exposure because he had met THE Harry Styles and taken a picture with him.

‘Okay sure,’ Lionel said dryly. He leaned his elbow on the counter and looked at Harry up and down. ‘You are mighty fine. Even better in real life.’ Harry blushed and smiled.

‘Thank you.’

‘Can you give me your phone number?’ Lionel asked as if asking Harry Styles for his phone number was the most natural thing in the world. Harry looked at him a little bit shocked. He wasn’t expecting that kind of straight forward question.

‘I’m afraid I can’t,’ he said.

‘Why not?’ Lionel pressed. Louis huffed.

‘Lionel, what makes you think that Harry Styles is going to give you his phone number?’ Lionel looked at Louis and shrugged.

‘We can be text buddies.’

‘Don’t be daft. Not even Jim from down the pub would give you his phone number!’ Louis told him. Then he looked at Harry. ‘I’m sorry. He has no filter.’ Harry smiled and Louis loved the pink blush on his cheeks.

‘I should be going,’ he said.

‘Of course,’ Louis said but Lionel got in Harry’s way.

‘Would you consider going on a date with me?’

‘Oh my God Lionel shut up. He has a girlfriend.’ Lionel rolled his eyes dramatically.

‘So?’ Louis felt embarrassed on his behalf.

‘Let it go Lionel.’

‘You don’t swing that way?’ Lionel asked Harry. Harry’s face felt very warm and Louis could see that he was blushing hard.

‘I don’t swing your way,’ Harry told him then turned towards Louis and held out his hand to Louis. Louis took it and Harry closed his long fingers around Louis' smaller hand.

‘Thank you so much for helping me today. I appreciate your kindness. I would like to repay it by buying a book. Or two. What would you recommend?’

‘You don’t have to,’ Louis told him. Harry squeezed his hand and Louis felt a little weak at the knees.

‘I want to,’ Harry insisted. Louis gently pulled his hand out of Harry's grasp because Harry was really beautiful and he was smiling at Louis in a way that made butterflies swarm his stomach. Louis pushed his way past Lionel who was still trying to get close to Harry. Louis walked down an aisle and Harry followed him. Lionel followed Harry. Louis stopped in front of a shelf and Harry stopped too. Lionel bumped into his back.

‘God you smell divine. What cologne do you use? Wait! Don’t tell me. I’ll guess.’ He said as he leaned into Harry’s personal space and inhaled deeply. He let out a vulgar moan. ‘Hmm. It's Tom Ford. Tobacco Vanille. Am I right?’ Louis huffed out his disapproval.

‘Oh my God Lionel! STOP being a creep.’ Lionel’s eyes were on Harry. They were intent and focused, staring deep into him. Harry took a step away from him.

‘Am I right? Did I guess?’ Lionel asked Harry as he twirled a finger round the sating scarf around his neck. Harry cleared his throat.

‘Um yeah. Yes. It’s Tom Ford.’

‘I knew it!’ Lionel exclaimed. ‘They gave me a sample down at Selfridges but it's too expensive for me to buy. But nothing is much too expensive for Harry Styles eh?’ Louis groaned loudly.

‘Go start unloading the boxes we had delivered yesterday. Those shelves aren’t going to stock themselves,’ Louis told him in a desperate attempt to get Lionel away from Harry. Lionel pouted but thankfully he left. ‘Sorry about him,’ Louis told Harry sincerely. He felt the need to apologize to him for Lionel’s embarrassing behavior. ‘He can get carried away. He’s not usually this creepy or…’

‘It’s alright,’ Harry told him stopping Louis mid-apology. ‘I get that a lot.’ Louis looked at him with soft eyes.

‘You shouldn’t have to. Its not right.’ Harry shrugged.

‘It comes with the job.’

‘Nobody should be sexualized no matter their job,’ Louis told him softly. Harry’s eyes found Louis’ and for a few heartbeats they were locked in place, gazing into each other’s eyes. Louis looked away first and cleared his throat.

‘So yeah um about books. I would recommend Murakami. Have you ever read him?’ Harry shook his head.

‘No but I’m willing to try him.’

‘Good. Good,’ Louis said as he pulled a book from the shelf and handed it to Harry. Harry looked at it. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. He turned it round in his large hands to read the blurb and Louis didn’t miss the rings on his fingers. He figured they cost more than his bookshop and flat combined. Harry looked up at him and smiled. He looked like an excited child which Louis found very endearing.

‘Interesting,’ Harry told him. ‘Give me another one.’

‘You don’t have to buy more,’ Louis told him.

‘You did me a great kindness today. Kindness is repaid with kindness.’ Harry shrugged. ‘Besides, I like to read when I’m home. I don’t get to do that a lot when I’m touring so.’ Louis wanted to give him one of his favorite books. He walked further down the aisle and stopped at another shelf. He didn’t know much about Harry and he was going to go out on a limb here. Harry might feel offended. He might storm out of the shop. He might sue Louis. He might yell and throw the book at his head. Louis pulled it off the shelf and handed it to Harry.

‘One of my favorites.’ Harry took the book and read the title. Lie With Me by Philippe Besson. He turned it around and read the blurb again. Louis waited to see his reaction. Harry’s smile faltered a little.

‘Sound like a fascinating story,’ he said quietly.

‘It is.’ Harry looked at Louis again. Louis looked like he had more to say, the look in his eyes was speaking more than his mouth was but then Harry’s smile widened.

‘I’ll take it. Thank you.’ Then he turned and walked back up the aisle towards the cash point and Louis followed him. When he stepped behind the counter, Harry’s face was closed off as if a blind had been drawn over his features. Louis put the books in a paper bag and put in two bookmarks. He pushed the bag towards Harry.

‘I don’t want payment. Consider them a gift.’ Harry opened his mouth.

‘But…’ Louis smiled at him.

‘No buts. Just pay it forward. Do someone else a kindness without expecting anything back. That’s payment enough for me.’ Harry’s face relaxed.

‘Thank you,’ he murmured. ‘You are very kind.’

‘It was very nice to meet you Harry Styles.’

‘Just Harry,’ Harry told him.

‘Harry,’ Louis repeated. Harry picked up the bag, looked at Louis for another minute then walked towards the door.

‘Bye,’ he said.

‘Bye Just Harry,’ Louis said giving him a wink. Harry opened the door, the bell tinkling cheerfully and he stepped out into the clear sunny morning, closing the door behind him softly.

Chapter Text

Chapter 3.

The moment the door closed behind Harry, Louis turned on Lionel who was peeking out from behind a bookshelf. He came out from behind it, sashaying towards Louis.

'You could've called me so I could say goodbye to that hunk,' Lionel said looking annoyed and entitled. Louis felt affronted. He also felt affronted on Harry’s behalf. He was livid at Lionel’s audacity but then again, Lionel was a drama queen without scruples, filter or sense of shame. He had often hit on Jordan so nothing really surprised Louis but today he was feeling pissed off.

‘What the hell were you thinking?’ Louis growled at him. He wasn’t prone to bursts of anger, in fact he was quite a calm person, but Lionel's attitude towards Harry angered him and when he got angry, he got really angry. Lionel had the tendency to piss him off on a regular basis but today was exceptionally bad. Lionel smirked at Louis looking smug as he examined his perfectly manicured and red painted nails.

‘I was actually thinking about how I could tap into that beautiful ass. He’s literally sex on very long, luscious legs that one isn’t he?’ Louis saw red.

‘He is a bloody human being Lionel. You have no right to talk about him that way. Besides, he’s straight in case you haven’t noticed.’ Lionel scoffed and rolled his eyes dramatically.

‘As straight as Lombard Street in San Fransisco! Please, Louis be serious!’ Louis wanted to scream in his face but he took in a deep breath to calm himself down. Inhale calm, exhale anger. If you kill him you will go to prison!

‘He has a girlfriend,’ Louis pressed, defending Harry.

‘No, he does not! What he does have is a beard darling. Learn the difference. Trust me honey, Harry Styles is gay! My gaydar has never failed me once.’ Louis shook his head feeling appalled at Lionel.

‘You’re delusional Nel. Everyone is gay according to you. His girlfriend is an actress and director. What’s her name?’ Louis said snapping his fingers as he tried to remember the google article that had come up on his phone a few weeks ago. Lionel chuckled.

‘Olivia Wilde. She’s married to that hunk of a man Jason Sudekis and they have two kids. Honey, it’s a stunt for a movie she’s doing and which Harry will be in so it’s all a big PR bumfuck. It's the same script just a different beard. Harry is always doing favours for PR you know. He's kind like that. His other beards were models who needed career boosts. One of them even sang on one of his records.' Lionel paused, put his hand on his heart and looked at the ceiling like the drama queen he was.

' Personally, I think she fucked up that beautiful song for him with that creepy, French, ghosty voice of hers.' He gave a full body shiver and looked back at Louis. 'But Jeffery “dearest” Azoff does everything in his power to make his boy look straight and trust me Jeffery has a lot of power being the son of Irving Azoff so here we are.’ Lionel faked another whole body shudder. He was dramatic like that. Louis shook his head again.

'Like I said, delusional.' He turned away from Lionel and stepped behind the counter shuffling a few papers. Lionel leaned an elbow on the counter.

‘Not convinced yet huh? Let me educate you grasshopper.' Lionel tapped on his phone then turned it towards Louis showing him pictures of a much younger Harry with long hair and a brunette in a very skimpy bikini spread all over him on a yacht. Louis cringed inwardly and squinted at a particular photo of Harry's large hand wrapped around the woman's ankles. Was Harry holding her by her ankles, holding her legs aloft above his head? What? He tried to decipher how they were positioned in order for Harry to be holding her ankles like that. Louis looked away.

'Kendall Jenner,' Lionel told him. 'Harry “dated” her because she needed a career boost and her devil wears Prada mother Chris, would do anything for her daughters and her bank account. So since the Kardashians slash Jenners are friendly and cosy cosy with the Azoffs, they “borrowed” Harry to give Kendall an interesting date, because let's face it, she might be leggy and all that but personally I don't see the appeal in her. Anyway, hence this yacht drama right here which sent the whole Harry fandom into a melt down and dear Kendall into the spotlight. Thank fuck his fans see and read between the lines which, coming back to our earlier argument is how I know that the beautiful, talented, leggy, sexy ass Harry Styles is in fact gay and is being closeted!’ Louis looked at him with his mouth open and wondered how Lionel had just said all that in one breath.

‘What the hell are you even talking about?’ Louis asked him feeling a little bit perplexed. ‘From all you just said all that I gathered is that he’s never dated a man. He’s always dated women that's what you just said so don’t go around assuming someone’s sexuality. That’s not a nice thing to do. Those pictures you just showed me look really intimate. He looked comfortable with her.’ Lionel sighed theatrically and pouted sympathetically at Louis.

‘Oh sweetheart you are so naïve. For a gay man your gaydar is pretty much fucked up. The man is so closeted he’s tea cup buddies with Mr. Tomnis all the way back in Narnia.’ Louis huffed out a breath. He was so done hearing gossip from Lionel.

‘Whatever Lionel. His sexuality is his own business and no one else’s. I won't partake in this kind of gossip. Point is you embarrassed him and made him uncomfortable. He’s Harry Styles for God’s sake. And since you just pointed out that you think he’s closeted, then why did you put him on the spot like that? It’s not like he was going to tell you he’s closeted and give you his number!’ Lionel looked down at his painted nails and shrugged.

‘Well I would’ve kept his secret.’

‘You’re not his bestie Nel!’ Louis said sternly.

‘Still can keep his secret!’ Lionel said with a fake smile.

‘Yeah just like you kept your promise not to tweet the selfie you took with him? You could’ve given him some time to get home safely before you posted it. Those girls are still out there. They could give him chase again because of your photo. They can come barging in here any minute looking for him,’ Louis said exasperated. Lionel grinned like the Cheshire cat.

‘My notifs are blowing up. My followers are going up in number. His fans are sending me DM’s.’ Louis rolled his eyes.

‘Is that all you’re after? A little bit of clout and five minutes of fame on social media? Your standards are so low. He’s a human being you know!’

‘He’s Harry Styles Lou what the fuck? Meeting him can do amazing things to your life.’ Louis folded his arms across his chest.

‘He's still a human being. You’re not even a fan. You just want clout.’ Lionel raised up and ruffled his feathers like a peacock. He placed his hand on his heart theatrically.

‘Excuse you very much but I'm a big fan of Harry Styles and…’

‘Course you are,’ Louis responded to him sarcastically as he began leafing through invoices that were on the counter.

‘And,’ Lionel ploughed on choosing to ignore Louis and his weirdness, ‘if Mr. Styles made a move on you, you would’ve totally taken him up on it.’ Louis glared at Lionel. He didn’t want to argue with him but Lionel was self-centered, obnoxious and an asshole. Louis should’ve fired him ages ago but he couldn’t deny the little leap his heart made at that comment. He had to admit at least to himself that he had found Harry gorgeous and awfully cute. But that was besides the point. He would never use Harry.

‘He is not gay so your point is irrelevant.’ Lionel smirked at him.

‘Want to put your money where your mouth is?’

‘Seriously Nel? I’m not betting on that man’s sexuality. It’s private. It’s not something to exploit or delve into. If he is gay and he’s in the closet, then he’s in the closet for a bloody reason. It’s his business Lionel. Leave it alone.’ Lionel raised an eyebrow and smirked at Louis.

‘Why are you so protective and territorial? You hardly know the man! Besides, he’s a public figure. His life is public. We can delve and gossip and speculate as much as we want to. It's what he's there for.’ Louis began to see red.

‘Just because he’s a celebrity doesn’t mean he doesn’t get to have a private life. Your self-entitlement is shit,’ Louis argued. Lionel shrugged.

‘That’s the price you pay for fame and fortune. People digging in your closet and dragging out your skeletons in the wide open fresh air.’ Louis shook his head. He was so done with Lionel and his reasoning. He couldn’t and wouldn’t win with him.

‘I’m going to Delia’s. I need tea.’ He walked out from behind the counter and made a beeline for the front door.

‘Be a darling and get me an iced-coffee with a shot of vanilla will you?’ Louis paid him no mind. He just walked out the door into the morning sunshine. He needed to clear his head. How dare Lionel take such liberties just because Harry was a celebrity? Harry deserved to have a private life like everyone else yet people like Lionel felt entitled to pry into the man’s private life. Harry owed them nothing and he deserved to have a private life. Louis stopped at the corner and wondered why he was so upset. Why was he even pissed off about Harry Styles' life? Harry was not his! They were not friends! But it was a decent human thing to do to stand up for someone behind their back. It was called integrity and Louis had an abundance of it.

He crossed the street mindful of the cars, pedestrians and tourists crowding the streets of Notting Hill and made his way towards Delia’s. He entered the tea shop grateful for the AC. He didn’t know if he was feeling hot from the unusually warm weather or from frustration. He waited in line and ordered his tea and despite how much he was pissed off at Lionel, ordered him an iced-coffee with a shot of vanilla. He chatted to Delia, the owner of the tea house as he waited for the new barista to make his tea and iced coffee. When the drinks were done, he collected, thanked the barista, said goodbye to Delia and left the coffee shop.

As he walked back to his bookshop, he noticed the group of girls that had followed Harry and which had forced him to seek safety into his shop still lingering about on the street. They were grouped together on the sidewalk making it impossible for pedestrians to pass without having to step off the pavement and into the road risking being hit by a car in order to walk around them. Louis felt his blood boil. How did Harry live this life? How did he even live his life when he was stalked, pursued and had people poke and prod into his personal life? Did he even have a personal life? Louis decided to take a back alleyways to avoid having to walk in the middle of the road and get run over by a car, or worse, saying something to these girls that might not be too kind.

Louis walked the length of the alley that ran behind the shops of Portobello Road, lost in his thoughts when a figure turned into the alley and Louis slammed right into them spilling his tea and iced-coffee all over them. The stranger gasped as the hot and cold liquids soaked his jacket, shirt and front of his trousers. The cups clattered onto the ground. Louis looked up at the stranger ready to apologize profusely but the words died on his lips as he gaped up at Harry.

‘Oh my God Harry. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going. Oh my God,’ Louis said panicked, his hands flapping around not knowing quite what to do with them as he fussed over Harry.

‘It’s…it’s alright. Fuck it’s hot. And cold!’ Harry exclaimed as he pulled the soaked shirt away from his body.

‘Jesus did I burn you? Oh God I burnt you didn’t I? The tea was hot. Shit. What can I do? Are you hurt? I ruined your clothes. Your very expensive clothes.’ Harry looked at Louis through his dark sunglasses.

‘It’s alright,’ he said again but clearly he wasn’t alright. Of course he wasn’t bloody alright! Louis had dumped hot tea and ice cold coffee on him!

‘Look, I don’t live far from here. Come with me please. Let me take care of this. We can soak your clothes. I have Vanish. It removes stains. You can wrap yourself in a blanket while I put them in the dryer for you. Please let me. I feel awful and it’s the least I can do.’

‘I can’t be out here. They will find me,’ Harry said a little panicked. For a moment Louis was confused as to who would find Harry than he remembered the gaggle of girls. ‘I was trying to get away from them,’ Harry explained. ‘They caught sight of me again and they chased me so I ducked into side streets but I'm not familiar with this area. I’ve been trying to get away from them but they keep finding me.’ He sounded desperate and Louis' heart tumbled a little in his chest.

‘Why didn’t you call your driver?’ Louis asked him in a softer tone because Harry looked so panicked and overwhelmed that Louis felt sorry for him.

‘My battery is dead. I got myself into this predicament so please don’t think it’s your fault. I was so intent on getting away that I didn’t… I just… I wasn't...’ Louis’ heart broke for him standing there soaked in tea and coffee looking lost and overwhelmed.

‘Please come with me. I’ll get you inside where you can be safe. We’ll take care of your clothes and you can call your driver.’ Harry pushed his glasses off his face on to his head and looked at him. Louis realized that his eyes were very, very green out in the sunlight. Louis continued to be mesmerized by Harry's beautiful eyes, waiting patiently while Harry was deliberating on whether to trust him or not. After all, Louis was a stranger and Harry was well, he was Harry Styles who was being invited to a stranger’s home. He was probably thinking that Louis wanted to kidnap him. Louis put his hand on his heart.

‘You can trust me. I won’t like kidnap you or murder you or anything. I am very trustworthy and I know you don’t have to believe me because someone who wants to kidnap you or murder you would probably tell you they don't want to kidnap you or murder you, but I’m very harmless and honest and I won’t harm you. I can't even harm my annoying shop assistant who by the way I apologize for for being rude to you. And I'm blabbering aren't I?’ Harry gave him a small smile and the butterflies in Louis’ stomach fluttered harder.

‘Okay,’ Harry finally said, smile still on his lips, teasing those dimples to come out. ‘Lead the way.’ Louis nodded and exhaled a sigh of relief. He was being trusted. By Harry Styles.

‘I will not let them see you okay,’ he reassured Harry and Harry smiled at him again as he put his sunglasses back on as if they could make him unrecognizable. This stranger he had just met in a book shop while fleeing from fans was making him feel things he had only ever dreamed about feeling. Was it real what they said about love at first sight? Was it real what they said about soul mates and twin flames? Harry didn’t know. He just felt that he could trust Louis and followed him blindly not giving any second thoughts that this stranger could actually harm him.

Louis stopped at the lip of the alley holding his arm out behind him shielding Harry and looked to the sidewalk where the fans had been gathered together whilst on the hunt for Harry but the sidewalk was empty. Portobello Road looked pretty normal with its stalls and vendors, tourists and customers. Louis looked over his shoulder at Harry.

‘Coast looks clear. Keep to the shops. Walk on the inside. I’ll walk on the outside and offer you a bit of cover.’ Harry nodded. He stepped out onto the crowded road after Louis. Louis walked on the outside of the pavement letting Harry walk close to the shop windows, his head down, giving him as much cover as he could. Louis kept a vigilant look around for any sign of the fans. If he saw them, he would push Harry into the first shop they happened to be walking by.

But they made it to Louis’ house with the blue door safely. Louis pulled out his key.

‘Here we are.’ Harry looked up at Louis’ door which was very blue! And had a brass number 28 in the middle of the door and two white columns framing the door. The white paint was peeling off. Louis opened the door and allowed Harry to go in before him. The hallway was small and cluttered with shoes, tote bags and jackets hung on a metal coat hanger and a bike was parked the front wheel on the narrow stairway that lead upstairs. Louis saw Harry looking around and he felt embarrassed by the peeling paint on his walls and mess in the hallway. He hadn't done any maintenance since Jordan had left. He had been too depressed to give a shit about peeling walls and messes.

‘It’s not much,’ Louis told him because Harry Styles was a millionaire and probably lived in a mansion in Mayfair with servants and people who waited on him hand and foot. Then he mentally slapped himself because he was going all Bridgerton in his head!

‘It’s home,’ Harry murmured. Harry climbed the steep stairway slowly and Louis followed him. At the top of the stairs, Harry found himself in a small but tidy kitchen. Louis thanked God that he had cleaned up Niall’s messes before he left for work. He watched as Harry looked around. Louis imagined what was probably going through Harry’s head at seeing his small, simple home. He was probably disgusted and regretted accepting the offer to come here.

‘Can I get you anything?’ Louis asked him.

‘The bathroom please. I’m soaked through.’ Louis looked at him guiltily. Of course. He probably wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

‘I’m sorry I ruined your expensive clothes,’ Louis apologized. Harry shrugged.

‘Don’t worry about it. They’re just clothes.’

‘Very expensive clothes,’ Louis pointed out. Harry shrugged again.

‘Just clothes. Bathroom?’

‘Oh yes of course. Come this way.’ Louis led him through his small dining area and combined living room with its shabby sofa and threadbare carpet. Louis blushed because Harry Styles lived in luxury and here he was in his tiny home with the cheap furniture and shabby carpets and curtains. He pointed to another set of narrow stairs.

‘Up the stairs on the right.’ Harry nodded. Placed his Bookends bag with the books Louis had given him on the dining table, removed his jacket which he placed on the back of a chair and walked up the stairs unbuttoning his shirt as he climbed. Louis couldn’t help but look at his bum as he climbed the stairs. He quickly tore his eyes away and scolded himself for sinking to Lionel’s level. When Louis heard the bathroom door click shut, he exhaled and his shoulders sagged. Harry fucking Styles was in his home. He suddenly felt nervous. This man was a celebrity who toured the world and sold out arenas and made movies! But he was also a man, Louis reminded himself. A simple human being and Louis liked the human being that was Harry.

Louis’ cat Stanley strutted into the room meowing loudly and rubbed himself against Louis’ leg happy that Louis had come back home so soon. Louis crouched down and petted the tabby cat who purred softly, its eyes closing as it enjoyed Louis scratching behind its ears.

‘Hello Sir Stanley. You missed me? You did huh? I’ve only been gone for an hour but I missed you too. We have a very important guest so be nice yeah. None of your dramatics and shenanigans alright.’

‘What a lovely cat,’ Harry said startling Louis. Louis stood up quickly and Stanley protested loudly by raising the hackles on his back and hissing at Harry, giving him the evil eye. Harry stopped in his tracks and regarded Stanley carefully, wondering if it was going to attack.

‘Hi,’ Louis said, ‘he’s, um, harmless. He won’t, like, jump you or anything. He’s just dramatic, that’s all. He, um, he belonged to my husband,’ Louis stammered out. Why was he mentioning his husband to Harry Styles? Harry’s eyes widened a little at the mention Louis having a husband. His heart beat a little faster. Louis had a husband! He was gay! And had been married!

‘Where is your husband now?’ Harry asked him as he crouched down and let Stanley sniff his hand. He was used to cats and he loved them. His mother had a few herself. Stanley was not having it. He pressed himself closer to Louis’ leg peering up at Harry and made a soft hissing sound. Harry stood up.

‘Sir Stanley stop it,’ Louis admonished the cat. Harry chuckled.

'Sir Stanley?' he asked amused. Louis grinned.

'Yeah. Sir Stanley LeRoy. My, um, husband named him,' Louis explained. He wanted to bite his fucking tongue off for mentioning Jordan again.

'So where's your husband?' Harry asked again. Louis looked away from Harry.

'We, um, we’re divorced,’ Louis said quietly. Harry nodded and walked around the small living room looking at everything. The photo frames, the books and the sports magazines on the coffee table

‘I’m sorry,’ he said quietly. Louis shrugged but Harry did not see.

‘I’m sorry too,’ Louis said softly. It still hurt. He wasn’t completely over Jordan which was why he never spoke about him yet here he was, talking about his lying, cheating ex husband to Harry fucking Styles. Who knew? Harry turned and looked at him. His green eyes now dark in the gloom of the living room.

‘Why did you get divorced?’ Harry asked. Louis felt his face heat up and he swallowed thickly. He looked away from Harry.

‘He cheated. A lot.’ Harry chewed his bottom lip as he kept looking at Louis with eyes that seemed to be analyzing Louis’ answer. Then he let go of his lip, took in a deep breath, exhaled and sighed.

‘Well his loss. You deserve much better than him.’ And Louis lost his voice and his focus because that was the nicest thing anyone that wasn’t his sister or his friends (because they were obligated to say nice things to him), had ever said to him. He felt his insides turn to liquid and the butterflies in his stomach were flapping and singing Hallelujah like in the Shrek movie. Louis swallowed thickly again trying to push down the emotions that had wrapped tightly around his Adam’s apple. He chanced a look at Harry and found him looking at him with a soft look that made Louis suddenly want to cry.

'And you got custody of the cat?' Harry asked. Stanley hissed loudly. Harry bowed a little towards the cat. 'My apologies Sir Stanley LeRoy for addressing you inappropriately. My apologies Sir.' Louis cleared his throat because there was something lodged there that was choking him but he managed a small smile. He wanted to thank Harry for lightening the heavy mood in the room. Louis smiled down at the cat.

'He didn't want to leave me. He's always been more attached to me than to...to Jordan,' he said softly. Saying his name still hurt. It still brought back so many unwanted feelings for Louis. Stanley looked up at him with adoring green eyes as if he knew Louis was talking about him. “Feel free to tell this intruder that that motherfucker Jordan didn't want me in the first place. At the time it hurt my royal feelings but I'm too good for him anyway. I came to terms with it and I know I deserve better. I didn't want him either. I wanted to stay with you. He never petted me like you do or give me treats or treat me like the king that I am.” Stanley rubbed himself against Louis again. Louis leaned down and pet Sir Stanley making the cat purr and close his eyes. Louis straightened back up and looked at Harry.

‘Your, um, shirt,’ Louis said, ‘it’s still wet.’ He knew it was a stupid thing to say but it was better than having to stand still wrapped in silence and emotions with Harry in his living room. Stanley meowed trying to get Louis’ attention because he didn’t like the way Louis was giving his attention to this trespasser. Harry smiled. Louis blinked.

‘Yes it is,’ Harry agreed.

'I can wash it for you,' Louis offered. 'Like I said, I have Vanish, the pink stuff.' Harry chuckled.

'I'll have it dry cleaned don't worry,' he said. Louis internally rolled his eyes at himself. Of course he'd have it dry cleaned. It was an expensive shirt.

‘Maybe I can get you something of mine? It’s nothing designer like you’re wearing but it’s dry and clean and…’

‘I’d like that, thank you,’ Harry said knowing full well he didn’t need a shirt because his driver would pick him, up but he couldn’t pass the opportunity to wear Louis’ shirt. He was so beautiful and interesting. And he was gay! And recently divorced. Harry was getting ideas in his head that he knew he could never act upon but he could daydream that he could. He could forget for a little bit who he was and imagine that he was just a normal boy meeting the man of his dreams.

‘Okay, yeah, right I’ll go get you one. Or maybe you want to come up and choose one?’ Louis was stuttering like an idiot. He had just invited Harry fucking Styles into his bedroom. What. The. Fuck? But Harry smiled at him easily and calmly as if they were besties and borrowing clothes was a normal thing they did.

‘Lead the way,’ Harry said casually. Louis nodded and walked past Harry and up the stairs. Harry followed but not before Stanley pushed passed him to follow Louis first and gave Harry a look that said “bitch he’s my hooman so fuck off!” Harry raised an eyebrow at the cat silently asking “seriously?’ Stanley turned his back on Harry, raised its tail proudly and followed Louis like the territorial feline that he was. Harry shook his head and smiled at himself as he climbed the stairs behind Louis and Stanley.

Louis stopped on the landing at the top of the stairs across from the bathroom, and pushed open the door to stepped inside. Stanley circled his legs and entered before him in the bedroom. He jumped onto Louis’ bed and waited for Harry to enter so he could reaffirm his territory to this stranger who had invaded their home and was making Louis act weird. Stanley had never seen Louis with heart eyes before. His master was being an idiot. Stanley will put him back in his place. No one was going to steal Louis’ affections from him.

Harry entered the bedroom and looked around. Upon the first look at Louis’ bedroom, if Harry had to describe it, it would be peaceful. The room was big with a slanting roof. It had a large window complete with a window seat and inviting cushions. Harry could see a few books on the seat. Warm sunlight filtered into the room but it wasn’t bright. The sunlight was muted and gentle as if the sun itself didn’t want to impose itself on Louis' sanctuary. The bed was big and looked very comfortable with a wrought iron bed frame. There was a closet door, a chest of drawers and two bedside tables. The room was decorated in soft earth colors; light beige, greens and soft blues. Harry figured he could easily do yoga in this room. It was very Zen. Louis watched him take in his meager room with its simple furnishings. He felt his cheeks burn because Harry probably had a bedroom that was the size of his whole home.

‘So nice,’ Harry murmured to himself as he walked around the room soaking up the peaceful energy. He looked at the photos on Louis’ chest of drawers showing smiley people with Louis. He could tell that Louis was loved and cherished by these people in the photographs with him. Louis was smiling in all the pictures, his smile so big that his eyes were nothing but slits and Harry felt envious. He wanted to be in those photos with Louis. He wanted to make Louis smile the way he was smiling with these people. He shook himself out of his daydreaming. He was being silly. He had only just met the man. How could his husband cheat on him? Harry wondered. How could he find any men better than Louis to cheat with? He shook his head again because he had drifted into his daydream yet again. He turned to face Louis.

‘The shirt?’ he asked. He needed to get out of here and back to his world before he did something stupid like ask Louis out on a date or get on one knee and propose to him.

‘Oh yes of course,’ Louis said startling out of his own daydream. Stanley internally rolled his eyes, yawned and stretched out regally on Louis’ bed. Harry looked at the cat longingly wanting to be the one stretched out on Louis’ bed. The cat licked its paw languidly and looked at Harry sideways as if to say, “you wish” and “only in your daydreams.”

Louis rummaged in his closet trying to find a good shirt and one that possibly fit Harry because Harry was taller and broader in the shoulders than he was. He pulled out a simple blue cotton button down that felt soft between his fingers and he figured it was worthy for Harry to put on his body. A shirt that Jordan had given him which was two sizes bigger than Louis’ size because that was his husband for you, never learned Louis' clothes sizes in all the years they had been together but Louis had worn it anyway because he loved it. Now he fingered the material between his fingers and decided that this shirt needed new memories. He turned to face Harry and hoped that the smile on his face wasn't too painful.

‘Here we go,’ he told Harry holding out the shirt for him to take. ‘Sorry it's, um, it's from a normal store not um, you know, from the second floor at Selfridge's.’ Harry took the shirt. It was soft, worn and blue. Like Louis’ eyes. He wanted to bury his face in it and inhale it but that would be a very weird thing to do. Definitely weird and Sir Stanley was already giving him the evil eye and showing him who was boss in Louis' home.

‘It’s perfect,’ Harry told Louis because it was. It was a simple, blue cotton shirt that Harry would have had no problem wearing until his manager had turned him into a trademark and walking advertisement. He was contracted to wear things that made him a walking billboard. He placed the shirt on the bed. Stanley immediately stuck three of his claws into the shirt because “no you’re not taking Louis’ shirt you infiltrator.”

‘Stan don’t!’ Louis chastised the cat as he removed its claws off his shirt. Stanley meowed in protest. Harry began unbuttoning his stained shirt. Louis held his breath. He hadn’t had a man undress in his bedroom since Jordan. Harry slipped the shirt off his shoulders and Louis bit down on his tongue to stop himself from gasping out, moaning out loud, or groaning audibly because the beautiful man standing half naked in his bedroom was like a dream. He was perfect. Tanned skin. Abs. Tattoos. Four nipples? Extraordinary! Life was so unfair to bring such a gorgeous man into his life, one that was so out of reach.

Harry felt rather than saw Louis’ eyes on him. It's not like he wasn’t used to people looking at him and commenting on how beautiful he was. He knew that. He wasn’t going to play coy but Louis’ on eyes on him made him feel different. This felt intimate and Harry wasn't allowed to do intimate! He quickly pulled on Louis’ shirt and buttoned it up. It fit him perfectly. He loved the feel of the fabric against his overheated skin. And it smelled of fabric softener. Lavender.

Louis wanted to groan when he saw Harry wearing his shirt. Jordan never wore his shirts. He never wore anything that belonged to Louis. It was an intimate thing to wear your partner’s clothes and Louis found it romantic. Sometimes he wore Jordan’s t-shirt after Jordan had left for work only to feel him close and smell his smell but Jordan had found that weird. Looking at Harry fucking Styles wearing his shirt did things to Louis that he couldn’t explain. Harry cleared his throat and to Louis’ horror he realized that he had been caught staring.

‘Can I use your phone please?’ Harry asked him. Stanley meowed again because this person was taking such liberties with his Louis. First he took his shirt, now he wanted his phone? No Sir!

‘Of course,’ Louis replied as he took his phone from his trousers pocket and held it out for Harry to take.

‘I’m sorry I'm such an inconvenience,’ Harry apologized. ‘I crash landed into your shop and ruined your morning.’ Stanley licked his whiskers and wanted to tell this cumbersome person that he had ruined HIS morning by invading their home and stealing Louis’ attention.

‘You didn’t ruin it,’ Louis said softly, his eyes resting on Harry and Harry could feel the tenderness in his eyes like a sweet caress. ‘If anything you made it special. It’s not every day you get Harry Styles in your shop and in your flat.’ Harry chuckled albeit a little sadly.

‘I’m just Harry,’ he said quietly. ‘When I undress to shower and I’m naked as the day I was born, I’m nothing more special than any other human being living on earth. I just happen to make music that people love. These things, they don’t happen to people like me but somehow they did and I am grateful for everything but they come at a heavy price too.’ The air in the room thickened with something deeper and Louis felt it. Jordan had always told him that he had some kind of sixth sense when it came to people which he said was creepy. In truth, all Louis had was empathy which enabled him to feel other people’s feelings and he could feel that Harry felt burdened and this burden took a lot from him and made him sad. Louis took a step towards him but Harry backtracked like a scared animal. He didn’t make eye contact with Louis.

‘Can I please use your phone?’ he asked a little desperately. Louis, startled by Harry’s reaction (which spelled out a need in Harry to protect himself because Louis was an empath and could read body language as easily he could read his books) pretended Harry’s reaction went by unnoticed. He didn’t want to pry into the man’s life. He couldn’t even if he wanted to. Instead, he smiled at him.

‘I’ll give you some privacy. When you’re ready I’ll be downstairs,’ Louis told him as he slipped out of his bedroom and closed the door quietly behind him. Stanley remained on the bed eyeing this intruder making sure he didn’t steal anything that belonged to Louis. He wasn't going to leave him alone in Louis' bedroom!

Five minutes later, Harry came downstairs quietly, Stanley following close on his heels. He wasn’t going to let this stranger out of his sight. Oh no. He wasn’t going to leave Louis alone with this troublesome man either. Stanley walked over to Louis, rubbed himself against his leg and gave Harry a look that said “mine”!

‘Thank you,’ he told Louis as he handed him back his phone. ‘Can you just text the driver your address please? I um, didn’t know it.’ Louis took the phone and quickly typed in his address in a new text message. Harry gave him the number and Louis sent the text. Harry fiddled with his fingers. The phone beeped and Louis handed it back to Harry so he could read the message. Harry nodded to himself then looked at Louis.

‘Should be here in ten minutes,’ he said. ‘Then I’ll be out of your hair and let you get back to your day.’

‘It’s fine really. Can I offer you tea or coffee while you wait?’ Stanley meowed. “I want him out of my fur Louis! Send Mr. Gorgeous away!”

‘No, thank you,’ Harry replied.

‘Water? Orange juice? Coke?’ Louis asked. ‘Coke as in the soft drink not you know. I don’t do that sort of thing.’ Harry giggled softly and Louis wanted to punch himself in the face. What the fuck was he even talking about?

‘No. Thank you,’ Harry repeated.

‘Something to eat?’ Louis offered. Stanley nudged his leg with his head. He wanted something to eat. “Stop offering this man our food! Feed me!” Harry pressed his lips together trying to hold back his laugh making Louis wonder why he was holding back because he had such a beautiful smile.

‘No thank you,’ Harry said again. Louis faked exasperation.

‘Do you say “No” to everything?’

‘No,’ Harry said shyly still trying to hold back his laughter.

‘Alright Harry-you-don’t-say-no-to-everything Styles is there anything at all I can do for you while you wait?’ Harry giggled again and Louis wanted him to free his laughter. He could tell that Harry loved to laugh so he couldn’t understand why he was suppressing it.

‘No. Thank you. You have done a lot for me already. I should go and wait for my driver,’ Harry said as he began walking towards the stairs that led down to the blue front door. He turned abruptly and Louis nearly bumped into his back. He took a few steps back because Harry was too close.

‘What about your shirt?’ Harry asked him. ‘I need to give you back to you.’ Louis smiled at him. Harry’s shocked expression was endearing and so sweet.

‘Keep it. Or throw it away. I don’t need it back. It was um, a gift from my husband and I think it’s about time I started throwing stuff out. It’s been a year so,’ he said with a tentative shrug. Louis wanted to bite his tongue because he was offering Harry explanations to his personal life and he didn’t even know why he was doing it but he just wanted him to know. Know what? That he was free? That he was available? Louis wanted to kick himself. Harry was about to reply when the front door burst open. Harry turned to look at the intrusion just as Louis muttered: ‘Oh God.’ A ball of energy was shoving a bag on to the already over stuffed coat hanger behind the door into then bounced up the stairs whistling loudly. The new comer stopped abruptly and looked from Louis to Harry and back to Louis.

‘What the fuck?’ he exclaimed.

‘Niall…’ Louis began but Niall was speaking over him.

‘What the fuck is Harry Styles doing in our flat? Why didn’t you call me and tell me that Harry fucking Styles is in our flat? Hello I’m Niall,’ he said as he grabbed Harry’s hand, and shook it hard, making Harry shake. Harry smiled a small smile and looked at Louis as if asking for help.

‘Niall don’t…’ Louis began again but Niall wrapped an arm around Harry’s shoulder. Louis could see Harry stiffen under Niall’s non-too gentle touch.

‘I am a big fan. I love your music. I wanted to get tickets for last tour but they were like fucking sold out within minutes. It was like the fucking Hunger Games! I was gutted. What are you doing here? How are you even here?’

‘Niall stop talking,’ Louis said. Then he turned to Harry. ‘Sorry. This is my house mate Niall. It’s a long story about why I have a house mate but he’s my house mate.’ Harry tried to shrug out from beneath Niall’s arm but Niall held him tighter. Niall had a problem grasping the concept of personal space and boundaries. He simple had none. Louis reached over and removed Niall’s arm off Harry’s shoulder. Niall scowled at him.

‘Personal space Niall,’ Louis told him. Niall laughed a rather loud raucous laugh that made Harry scrunch up his face and wince as if that laugh was hurting his ears. Of course he probably wasn’t used to people as loud as Niall. His friends were probably all very polite. Niall’s laughing stopped abruptly and he clapped Harry on the back making him stumble at little forward. Louis rolled his eyes. How was Niall even daring to put his hands on Harry?

‘Not a long story at all,' Niall said. 'When his cheating lying husband left, he wanted to sell this house to get his cut but Louis loves this house so he bought Jordan out and he’s up to his neck in debt which is where I come in. I needed a place to stay and saw the ad in the newspaper and here I am.’ He looked at Louis who was looking embarrassed. ‘See, not such a long story mate.’ He turned back to Harry.

‘So seriously, what are you doing here? Did Louis win something?’ He turned to Louis. ‘Did you enter some competition those ones they do on the BBC1 breakfast show with that dickhead Grimshit?’ Harry winced at Niall’s words. Nick Grimshaw was his friend and Harry knew that Nick wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea but he loved him. He was a great friend and hearing this person call Nick names hurt Harry. Louis’ face felt hotter with embarrassment.

‘Niall please stop talking,’ Louis begged but Niall just barreled on oblivious to Harry’s discomfort and Louis’ embarrassment.

‘If you didn’t win a competition, then how out of all London with it millions of people and houses and flats did Harry fucking Styles end up in our house?’ He turned to Harry. ‘What’s the deal? Is this like some kind of make a wish foundation?’ He turned to Louis. ‘Did you make a wish? You’re not terminally ill are you? Oh my fucking God, you’re not terminal are you?’ Harry looked at Louis with a baffled expression on his face.

‘Does he ever stop to breathe?’ Harry asked with a hint of amusement in his voice. This boy talked so much and so fast. Louis pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. He could feel a thrumming headache coming on. First Lionel, now Niall.

‘No, he doesn’t,’ he told Harry.

‘What?’ Niall asked looking from one to the other. Then his eyes stopped on Harry. On Harry’s shirt to be exact. It was then he realized that Harry was wearing Louis’ shirt.

‘Is that your shirt he’s wearing?’ Niall asked Louis. Louis’ face paled. Niall pointed from one to the other. ‘Did you two? Oh my God! Did you two fuck?’

‘What?’ Louis shrieked.

‘No! No!’ Harry said at the same time sounding horrified and shocked at the assumption Niall had just made. Louis and Harry looked at each other, Harry’s face red from embarrassment and Louis’ as pale as a sheet. Niall smirked.

‘You both look guilty as fuck. You fucked didn’t you?’ He punched Louis playfully on the shoulder. ‘Oh my God you sly fuck! You went and got laid with none other than Harry fucking Styles. Who would’ve thought. You’re making my balls shrink! Spill!’ Louis looked at Niall as horrified as Harry had sounded, his face now burning with embarrassment, embarrassment mostly for Harry because Louis could see him shrinking into himself and visibly panicking.

‘We… we didn’t Niall. I bumped into Harry on my way to the shop. I got tea and coffee from Delia and I didn't see him turning the corner and we bumped into each other and I spilled coffee and tea on him and I gave him one of my shirts so he wouldn’t go home soaked in tea and coffee.’

‘Its true,’ Harry said, quickly backing Louis up. Niall narrowed his eyes at them, scrutinizing them.

‘Niall!’ Louis snapped. ‘Cut it out. We didn’t alright.’ How could Niall even think this shit?

‘I’m not convinced,’ he said. ‘You both look like you’re hiding something.’ Louis wanted to strangle him.

‘For fucks sake Niall give it a rest lad. I just helped him out. Nothing happened. Just stop it.’ Louis ran a hand through his hair and turned to look at Harry who was looking at the floor embarrassed to his roots. ‘I’m so sorry Harry. He has no filter. I apologize on his behalf.’ Harry raised his eyes and looked at Louis. His eyes were guarded.

‘He can’t say anything to anyone about this,’ he said quietly looking at Louis intently. Gone was the soft look in his eyes and the tender smile on his lips. Harry was serious. And scared. ‘He can’t say anything, do you understand?’ he said urgently. Louis looked confused for a second.

‘There’s nothing to tell. We didn’t do anything.’ Harry seemed more worried now.

‘I can’t have rumors out there about… about…’ Then Louis understood. He understood Harry’s fears and worries. So Harry knew about the rumors that were circulating regarding his sexuality. He was looking at Louis with pleading eyes and Louis felt so sorry for him. He felt the sudden urge to wrap him in his arms and protect him from the world.

‘He won’t say anything,’ Louis told him putting as much reassurance into his voice as he could. He gave Niall a hard glare. Harry swallowed thickly and Louis knew that he didn’t trust that Niall wouldn’t start any rumors. Louis sighed.

‘Harry, I promise you, he wont say anything. Look, if it gives you peace of mind, you can make us sign one of those papers celebrities use to shut people up’ Louis told him. He saw Harry wince at his choice of words. ‘I mean…’

‘I just… there are so many rumors about me out there… I just…’

‘You don’t have to explain anything to us Harry. You don’t owe us anything. Niall, will not say a word of what happened here. Won't you Niall?’ Louis asked Niall. Niall looked from one to the other looking rather confused as to what was going on.

‘Ugh yeah sure. I mean whatever floats your boat dude. I heard the rumours. Everyone seems to think you're...’

‘Niall!’ Louis barked. 'Shut up!'

‘Okay. Alright. I won't say shit. Jesus.’ Louis looked back at Harry.

‘We’ll sign whatever papers need signing okay.’ Harry looked into Louis’ eyes. Louis felt his gaze probing into him, looking, searching. For what, he didn’t know exactly but Harry was looking for something. Then his face relaxed and he gave Louis a small smile.

‘I trust you,’ he said.

‘Harry, it’s him I don’t trust,’ Louis said nodding towards Niall.

‘Hey,’ Niall protested. ‘You can trust me. Have I ever broken your trust Louis? You wound me. Your lack of trust in me is offensive. Some friend you are!’ Louis rolled his eyes and looked at Harry.

‘He’s a tad bit dramatic.’ Harry smiled shyly and Louis felt his heart flutter.

‘I gathered,’ Harry said softly. Niall frowned.

‘Ganging up on me are you? Hey can we take a photo? Us three together? Come here Lou. Harry you're in the middle.' No one had the chance to say anything because Niall got in position on Harry's other side and got his phone ready to take the pic. He snapped a few just to be sure. 'Thanks mate,' he told Harry as he started to flip through the photos.

'Niall,' Louis said, 'don't upload any photos on to Twitter now. Give Harry time to get home. There are fans out the are on the prowl for Harry. He needs to get home safely.' Harry felt his heart expand at Louis' consideration. Niall shrugged.

'Sure. No biggie. I'll post it as soon as you're out the door mate.' Just then, t,here was a knock on the door.

‘That’s my driver,’ Harry said. He looked at Louis. ‘Thank you.’

‘Its been a pleasure,’ Louis replied. Nobody moved.

‘I should go,’ Harry said.

‘I’ll walk you to the door,’ Louis offered.

‘Wait, before you go,’ Niall stopped them. They both looked at him. ‘Harry, I need your opinion on something.’ He dashed out of the room and came back holding two clothes hangers, one with a black t-shirt with a lime green and bright yellow psychedelic design which made Harry’s eyes hurt and the other a green and blue paisley golfing shirt.

‘I have a date tonight and you’re well like a fashion icon. Which one of these shall I wear? I really like this girl and I want to impress her.’ Harry looked at both items of clothing then looked at Niall.

‘Neither,’ he said calmly. Niall’s eyes bugged out of his face.

‘Neither?’ he squeaked. ‘What the fuck do you mean by neither? I spent twenty quid on each!’ Louis chuckled.

‘Neither,’ Harry repeated, a smile dancing on his lips.

‘But these are the best two I have! I went shopping last week and got them from H&M!’ Harry pursed his lips.

‘Go for a plain button down, sleeves rolled up. You can never go wrong with a plain button down. That t-shirt is very…um, hard on the eyes. You will definitely not impress her with that. If anything, you will blind her.’ Harry made a show of shielding his eyes. Louis laughed. Niall put both hangers down looking dismayed.

‘I’ll have you know,’ he began but there was another knock on the door. ‘Your driver is an impatient man.’

‘My driver is a woman,’ Harry said. Niall made a grunting noise.

‘That explains it then. It was nice meeting you Harry. I liked you until you dissed my clothes.’ Harry giggled.

‘It was nice meeting you too Niall.’ He turned and began walking towards the stairs, Louis following close behind. They stood awkwardly behind the closed front door, pressed up close in the small hallway amid shoes, bags, coats and a bike.

‘I better go. She gets impatient,’ Harry said. ‘Again, thank you for your help.’

‘You’re welcome. And if you ever need more books…I mean, not that I’m asking you to come and buy books from my shop. You probably buy them from Waterstones or order them online. Sorry, I’m rambling.’ Harry chuckled softly.

‘I’ll keep your bookshop in mind.’

‘Thank you,’ Louis said.

‘My pleasure,’ Harry said. Louis reached past him and opened the door.

‘It was lovely to meet you. Surreal but lovely.’ Harry gave him a small smile and walked outside to the waiting car and the woman leaning against it. Louis gave her a small wave but she only acknowledged him by giving him a side eyed look, her face blank with on expression at all. Louis closed the door and rested his back against it. He let out a long breath which he had been holding in ever since Harry Styles walked into his shop that morning.

‘Surreal but lovely? I’m such a fucking moron. I’m not a smooth talker. What the fuck was I thinking?’ Louis shook his head and began walking up the stairs when there was a soft knock on the door.

‘Coming,’ he called as he hopped back down the stairs, opened the door and found Harry on his doorstep. ‘Oh hi. Again.’

‘I forgot my books,’ Harry told him.

‘Oh right!’ Louis said. ‘I’ll get them for you.’ He turned and took the steps two at a time and found Harry’s Bookends shopping bag on the kitchen table. He grabbed it and hopped back down the stairs.

‘Here you go.’ Louis handed him the bag and Harry took it from him. Their fingers brushed as they made the exchange and both of them took in a small soft breath, their eyes meeting for a fleeting second. It felt intimate. It felt familiar and so right. Harry took the bag, said a quick thank you and was off before Louis could say another word. He slipped into the back seat of the car, his heart thumping wildly in his chest and he knew that he’d be back. It was a given that he’d be back at the house with the blue door in Notting Hill.

Chapter Text

Chapter 4.

Harry knew it wouldn’t take his fans long to put the pieces together. They were clever and smart and noticed every little thing about him. The pictures from his morning's excursion in Notting Hill were all over twitter. The picture of him with Lionel at Bookends plus the other one at the flat with the blue door with Niall and Louis. Louis. Harry saved the picture to his phone, then enlarged it until it was just him and Louis together smiling into the camera. The picture looked like it belonged in a frame in Louis' bedroom with all the other photos of the people Louis loved and who loved him back. Harry wanted that.

Once he was satisfied with the edited version of the picture, he cropped Niall out and saved it to a locked folder he labelled “Blue.” He looked at Louis smiling beside him and his own face, his smile soft. Louis had left an impact on him and Harry wanted to see him again. He knew this was folly. He knew it would go nowhere. He knew that Jeff would not allow it to go anywhere yet he couldn’t help how he felt. He was just another boy who had taken a liking to a beautiful man. Why was it so absurd? Why was it prohibited? Why couldn’t he just for once be allowed to be himself and love who he wanted to love? He sighed heavily and went on Twitter where the tweets with speculations and conspiracy theories had already begun.

@HarrysDimples Harry was in Notting Hill! He looked fit AF! Looks like he was in a bookshop. Which one is it?

@SweetestHarry We saw him this morning! @toomuchofafan I told you he went into that bookshop! I fucking knew it!

@toomuchofafan @SweetestHarry we went in to have a look tho. He wasn’t there.

@cherrypop Who is that dude in the pic with Harry?

@FashionistaStyles the bookshop owner?

@toomuchofafan nah! The bookshop owner is in the other pic with H and the other dude. The one with the blue eyes. He’s the owner. I talked to him.

@HaroldisKing what a cutie

@SweetestHarry yes, he was in the shop probably hiding Harry somewhere the lying bitch told us he wasn’t there!

@greenheart gorgeous librarian

Lionel Perkins @perkynel hello Harry Styles fans I am the assistant librarian, the one in the picture with Harry.

@HaroldisKing @perkynel lucky you. You met Harry.

@goldenwatermelon @perkynel what’s he like?

@perkynel @goldenwatermelon @HaroldisKing yes, I am very lucky indeed and he is lovely. Really gorgeous. His eyes are very green and he smells a-ma-zing. I had to fan myself!

@toomuchofafan wait! Has anyone noticed that H is not wearing the same shirt as he was when we saw him outside the Gucci shop? What happened? @ perkynel confirm he was actually wearing that Gucci shirt #mysteriousshirt #shirtgate

@HarrysDimples maybe they were taken on different days?

@SweetestHarry no he’s wearing same pants, same shoes just different shirt #mysteriousshirt #shirtgate

@perkynel @toomuchofafan I can confirm that Harry was indeed wearing a Gucci shirt when he came into the shop.

@HaroldisKing both photos are posted within half an hour of each other. What’s going on? #mysteriousshirt #shirtgate

@toomuchofafan the blue-eyed librarian was at the shop when we went in. How did they end up in that house? Whose house is that? What the fuck is going on? #mysteriousshirt #shirtgate

@perkynel @toomuchofafan the blue eyed librarian is my boss and the owner of the bookshop.

@hearteyesforHarry whose shirt is that? It’s not even designer or Harry’s style. Why is he wearing it? #mysteriousshirt #shirtgate

@popapop guys the book shop is called Bookends and the owner is Louis Tomlinson. It’s the guy with the blue eyes #mysteriousshirt #shirtgate

@perkynel @popapop wow you guys are quick! Have you found out his social security number too?

@watermelonbaby does sexy librarian have twitter?

@popapop yes @tommobookends

@toomuchofafan @tommobookends I knew you were hiding Harry in there somewhere you little bitch! Liar! #mysteriousshirt #shirtgate

@toomuchofafan @harrystyles who does that shirt belong to? #mysteriousshirt #shirtgate

@holiviaisreal stop speculating and making shit up. Harry has a girlfriend @oliviawilde

@perkynel gurl seriously? delulu much? If you believe holivia is real you must believe that the Tooth fairy is real. And Santa. And the fucking Easter bunny. Get real!

@holiviaisreal @perkynel fact is @harrystyles is dating @oliviawilde. He will propose soon.

@perkynel @holiviaisreal jesus christ you are in denial aren't you? Want him straight so bad huh? Homophobe much? FYI he's not proposing anytime soon but carryon deluding yourself #delulu

@toomuchofafan @perkynel ignore her and can we get back to the topic of the #mysteriousshirt who does that shirt belong to? #shirtgate

And just like that, he was once again the topic of conversation and hashtags on Twitter. Harry was seriously worried. They had noticed the shirt and with all the tags and hashtags it was definitely going to get back to Jeff in no time at all. Also, Harry was worried about Louis. His fans knew where Louis' bookshop was and they had also found his twitter. He really didn’t want them harassing Louis. Louis lived a quiet life and his fans could really make or break someone. They had THAT power.

Harry couldn’t help but click on Louis’ handle. Louis’ twitter page opened up on his phone. Harry scrolled through Louis' twitter feed. It was mostly tweets about his bookshop, new book suggestions, books that would soon be on sale at the shop, recommendations and a few personal tweets. There were no pictures of Louis. Harry hoped that his fans wouldn’t delve too much and find more about Louis’ personal life. He didn’t want to put Louis in that position. He didn’t want them digging up his life but his fans were nothing if not persistent and he was sure that they would find Louis on all his social media. He should’ve warned him. He should’ve told him that whoever even stood next to Harry even in line at the supermarket was subjected to have their lives dug up and displayed on twitter.

He continued to scroll hoping deep in his heart that maybe he could find pictures of Louis with his ex-husband. He wanted to see the man that Louis had been married to. The man who was foolish enough to have cheated on Louis. Something tugged inside Harry. Louis had been married. He let himself dare to think what it would be like if he could be free. If he was allowed to be himself and have a partner and maybe even get married, have kids. He loved kids and wanted to start his own family but he knew that it was never going to happen. His manager and his record label would not have him as an openly gay artist. His own mother wasn’t too fond of his sexual orientation either but she considered herself accepting of him even though they both knew she wasn’t. She just liked to play the part of the adoring mother. She was far from adoring, at least to him.

His phone rang pulling Harry out of his daydreaming. He looked down at his phone. Harry closed his eyes briefly, took in a deep breath, exhaled and then swiped his phone as he walked into the kitchen.

‘Hey Jeff,’ Harry said softly.

‘H, what the fuck is going on? Have you seen Twitter?’ Harry sighed. Here we go again.

‘I have,’ he said as he flipped on the kettle.

‘What’s this about the mysterious shirt? What did you do?’ Jeff asked.

‘Nothing. I didn’t do anything.’

‘You must have done something. From what I can see you went out this morning wearing a Gucci shirt and you came back wearing an ugly blue button down that’s definitely not yours.’ Harry wanted to tell him that the shirt wasn’t blue. It was baby blue and it smelled of Lavender.

‘I met with an accident,’ Harry explained as he put a ginger and lemon teabag into his mug.

‘Yes, that shirt is an ugly accident but what kind of accident are we talking about here? Are you hurt? Do I need to sue someone? Alessandro called.’ Jeff said. Harry fingered the shirt softly, loving the feel of the yarn dyed cotton and he wanted to tell Jeff that it was not an ugly shirt. It was a beautiful, comfortable shirt that belonged to an amazing man. Harry smiled to himself.

'Harry?' Jeff barked into the phone. Harry sighed.

‘I collided with a person and he spilt tea and coffee all over me. He was kind enough to take me to his home so I could clean up and he let me borrow a shirt. That's all.’ There was a moment of silence on the line in which Harry took the time to brace himself. He knew what he was in for.

‘What the fuck were you thinking? You went into another man’s house Harry, a man you don’t even know, borrowed a shirt and then in a typical for you dumb-ass decision pulled the fucking stupidest move and had a photo taken with him while wearing his shirt? Are you crazy? Do you know the kind of rumors that dick move will generate H? Your damn fans are going to make a story out of it if they connect that shirt to that guy. How stupid are you Harry? Fucking hell! Not to mention that Alessandro is pissed because that shirt you were wearing is from the summer collection and which you had to wear to make people want to buy it!’ Harry huffed.

‘Relax Jeffrey. It’s just a shirt.’ Jeff scoffed.

‘Just a shirt? Fans already have a conspiracy theory going on! Aren’t there enough rumors about you going on already? Must you fuel more gay rumors by giving them more gay rumors?’ Harry rolled his eyes. He could feel a headache coming on. He wished he was back at Louis' house in the peace and tranquility of his bedroom where he could just be himself with Louis. Harry found himself yearning for it.

‘I didn’t do anything gay Jeff,’ Harry spat into the phone. He tried to be patient but Jeff pushed his buttons the wrong way, talking about his life as if he owned it! 'He only helped me out alright. And tell Alessandro not to worry. I will have the shirt dry cleaned and I will go out and parade myself in it.”

‘There's a photo of you wearing another man’s fucking shirt Harry. You went to his fucking home and there’s a picture of the two of you while you are wearing his god damned fucking shirt! The rumors are going to spread like wildfire.’

‘There’s nothing to spread!’ Harry growled into the phone. ‘I didn’t do anything Jeff. Everything I do is wrong. I can't fucking breathe!'

‘If they find one picture of him wearing that shirt, just one Harry, the speculations will grow and they will attach him to you. They will make up a story about the two of you and you don’t need that kind of exposure. I sure as fuck don’t need it and neither does the label. We made it clear to you...’

‘I already checked his twitter. He has no personal photos on there,’ Harry said, his voice now pleading. These arguments with Jeff, the threats, they were getting to him. They were exhausting him mentally and emotionally. How was he supposed to create another album and go on another tour when he couldn't take any more of this?

‘They know his bookshop. Can you trust him not to talk to fans should they show up there asking him questions? What if he makes things up for attention huh Harry? It’s not like it hasn’t happened before and we had to dish out fucking NDA’s because you were not fucking careful! People use you! They take advantage of you for their personal gain.’ Harry swallowed thickly. He hadn’t thought about the possibility that Louis would talk to his fans. But Louis wasn’t like that was he? He had been kind to Harry and he had treated him not like a celebrity like his friends Lionel and Niall had but just like an ordinary human being. Louis had protected him even from his own friends. He would not talk to fans. Harry didn't know how but he was certain that Louis would not do that to him.

‘There is nothing for Louis to say,’ Harry told him calmly because he couldn’t explain to Jeff how he knew he could trust Louis. He just felt it in his gut that he could trust Louis. Jeff wouldn’t understand.

‘You’re on a first name basis with the man who gave you his shirt? Jesus Fucking Christ H,’ Jeff said not doing anything to hide the scorn in his voice. Harry huffed in annoyance.

‘Its his given name Jeff for fucks sake. What am I supposed to call him if not by his name? He didn’t do anything. He was kind enough to let me borrow a shirt, that’s all. Why must everyone make a big deal out of it?’

‘Are you planning on returning it?’ Harry didn’t say anything because yes, he had been planning on returning the shirt. From his lack of reply, Jeff picked up on his thoughts. ‘Don’t you dare H. Don’t you fucking go back there. I mean if it was just a photo of you with him it would be just like so many other pictures of other men you met and who wanted to take a photo with you but you are wearing his fucking shirt. That’s not normal. Do you know what kind of rumors that could start?’

‘What rumors would those be Jeff?’ Harry snapped because this was ridiculous. ‘That I’m in a relationship with him? That I slept with him? That I wore his shirt after I let him fuck me? That I’m gay? Is that what rumors you're referring to?’ Harry felt the tears burn behind his eyes. He was so fucking tired. Jeffrey sighed.

‘Harry, you can’t…’

‘I know,’ Harry cut him off. He didn’t want to hear about how he couldn’t! ‘I know alright. I know what I can't fucking do. You drilled it into me enough. He won’t talk. He won’t say anything. He’s not like that.’

‘How do you know?’ Jeff’s tone was now pleading. ‘People have taken advantage of your kindness before.’

‘I’m not naïve,’ Harry said stiffly. ‘I know I have been taken advantage of. You of all people should know that.’

‘What do you mean by that?’ Jeff said harshly.

‘Nothing,’ Harry said quietly. ‘I didn’t mean anything at all.’ There was another pause on the line. Harry’s heart was beating fast from all anxiety.

‘Look,’ Jeff told him more calmly. ‘Go out with Olivia tonight. Go somewhere where you can be seen. Hold her hand. Look intimate with her. They will let this shirt shit go when they see you all loved up with her.’

'You're worried about gay rumors hurting my career but you're not worried that being called a home wrecker is making me look like an asshole who is breaking up her marriage. Doesn't that hurt my career? Are you not worried about that?'

'People don't care about you being with a married woman. Besides, Jason is okay with it why wouldn't we be? Just go out with her and put some effort into it. Look like you're in love.' Harry swallowed thickly.

‘I don’t want…’

‘It’s not about what you want H. It’s about what needs to be done. She needs the publicity too.’

‘Her husband and children are in London for fucks sake. I don’t feel comfortable being seen with a married woman.’

‘Jesus Harry. As far as the GP is concerned she and Jason are over and you’re her new hubby. When you got the role of Jack Chambers you knew the contract you signed stipulated that there would be a relationship stunt. You agreed to that. You signed the fucking contract. It’s only until the premiere of the movie.’ Harry told him that he hadn't agreed to anything. He had been made to agree and given no choice in the matter since Jeff hand negotiated his role in the movie and Olivia had negotiated the stunt to which Jeff had agreed. Without his consent!

‘That’s months away,’ Harry said.

‘I know. And we need to keep her around until you finish filming My Policeman. God knows what rumours that movie is going to garner. I honestly don’t know why you went after that role!’ Jeff told him. ‘If it were up to me you would’ve never gotten it. The last thing we need is people seeing you playing the gay man.’

‘But I did. I wanted that role and I went after it because that role will allow me to be free for a little while. That role is me. Tom is me! Who is better to play closeted Tom Burgess than me?’ Harry argued, his tone passionate.

‘Harry, let’s not be dramatic. Olivia stays. That’s why you were allowed to take on that role. As long as you have Olivia you are allowed to play a gay man…’

‘I’m not playing,’ Harry snapped. 'I'm not playing the gay man! I am a gay man.'

‘Can you please stop being difficult? Just do as you’re told H. It would be easier for everyone. I think I should draw up an NDA for that guy whose shirt you borrowed. I don’t want him talking to the media making up a story…’

‘He won’t!’ Harry said. ‘Jeff please, leave him alone. He won’t talk. He has a quiet happy life. I don’t want to disrupt it for him. I will do anything you ask of me okay. Just...please stay away from him. Leave him alone.'

‘You disrupted it for him when you wore his bloody shirt and got photographed in it H. You should’ve thought about that before you accepted the shirt. You knew the consequences. You knew the fans would pick up on it so don’t blame me about disrupting his peaceful quiet life. Call Olivia and make plans.’ Jeff hung up and Harry felt like shit. How could something so innocent as borrowing a shirt become get twisted into such an awful thing? He hung his head and blamed himself because Jeff was right. He should’ve known better than to accept the shirt. He had been stupid and reckless and thus had jeopardized Louis' privacy and quiet life.

Harry tapped on his Twitter icon just to check if things had become worse. The moment he opened it, he wished he hadn’t. Somebody had found an old picture of Louis with his ex-husband and Louis was wearing the shirt that was now on Harry. He groaned as he looked at the picture that had been retweeted over 15K times already of Louis wearing the baby blue shirt with his ex-husband, their arms about each other. Louis was smiling and he looked happy. The man beside him was taller, good looking with a secretive self satisfied smirk on his face which Harry did not like. Harry looked at the beautiful man with the shaved head, strong jaw line and perfect white teeth and for the first time in his life, Harry felt inadequate. He felt he could never compare to Louis' ex husband. The picture was accompanied by the hashtags #shirtmysterysolved #louistomlinson #harrysnewfriend #loveislove #larrystylinson

Fuck! His fans had already given them a ship name! Jeff was going to kill him. His anxiety was taking over. Harry put the phone down and covered his face with both his hands. They knew who Louis was. They were retweeting him all over twitter. His phone beeped with a message. He picked it up. It was a message from Jeff. He opened it with trembling his fingers.

Jeff: you’d better make tonight look real H. Olivia is livid. You were careless and reckless. Fix it! Kill Larry fucking Stylinson now!!

‘Fuck!’ Harry yelled into his quiet kitchen. ‘Fuck!’ Another message beeped its arrival into his phone. It was from Olivia.

Olivia: how could you embarrass me like this? I’m your fucking girlfriend. Act like my fucking boyfriend. My movie is depending on you and your fucking delusional fans. I warn you Harry, you better start making it look real or I will make serious trouble for you. Too much is depending on you.

Harry pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. Why couldn’t life just be simple? He loved what he did. He truly loved his life and he was grateful for it all but the price he had to pay for it was too dear and too heavy. He checked twitter one more time just to see if Louis had tweeted anything. He felt vindicated to see that Louis hadn’t tweeted anything but his friends, Lionel and Niall, were tweeting about their meeting with him and interacting with fans. Although Niall had let slip that yes, the shirt belonged to his flat mate, he immediately set the story straight that his flat mate had dumped his tea and coffee order all over Harry’s shirt and like any decent person would have offered Harry the shirt.

Harry hoped that would be enough for his fans to put shirtgate to sleep now that Niall had set the record straight. At least for Louis. For himself? Not so much. Harry switched off his phone, took the cup of tea he had poured, picked up one of the books Louis had given him (he chose Lie With Me by Philippe Besson) and headed up to his bedroom. He needed to dissociate for a little while until it was time for him to stunt.

Chapter Text

Chapter 5

Like every day other day, Louis opened his bookshop at 9am. He kept to his routine, said hello to people and waved his good mornings as he passed them by on the way to his shop, but things had changed since yesterday after he had met Harry. His twitter had blown up with notifications and followers which was pretty weird because Louis only used his twitter for things related to his shop. But ever since Niall and Lionel had uploaded their pictures with Harry, he had somehow become the center of Harry’s fans attention.

Louis hadn’t liked that they were making a big deal out of Harry wearing one of his shirts or that pictures of him and Jordan had been found and retweeted hundreds of time. Even worse they had found Jordan’s handle and they had tagged him and Harry in their tweets. Thank God Jordan didn't use his Twitter anymore! He had never been a fan of Twitter. Jordan was all IG.

Louis felt embarrassed that Harry had probably seen his pictures with his ex-husband. It made him feel very uncomfortable to see the picture of him and Harry (Niall had been cropped out) being retweeted. Harry's fans were putting them together as if they were a couple. Which was ridiculous. His fans should be retweeting pictures of Harry with his girlfriend not making shit up! He further didn’t like that fans had gotten into his DM’S and were asking all sorts of questions about Harry. And him. And them together. It was crazy. There was no THEM! There was no he AND Harry! How did they get this idea? How did he and Harry become “Larry Stylinson” and they were trending? Louis never trended! Louis turned off his phone, put it in a drawer and forgot about it. He had only taken it out this morning but hadn’t as yet turned it on. Social media had never been his forte before and now, after all this, he hated it.

He put the key in the lock of the bookshop and turned it. He pushed open the door and the bell tinkled softly. He entered the shop, turned the door sign from closed to open, then closed the door and breathed in the smell of books. He relished the silence that greeted him. His world. His peaceful quiet world. In here, the world outside ceased to exist. In here, Harry Styles and his fandom did not exist.

As he walked towards the counter, he had to admit that having seen pictures of him and Jordan on twitter had hurt and had brought back a lot of unwanted memories which left him feeling bitter, full of regrets and sad once again. Yes, Harry Styles had stepped into his life for a brief five minutes and his life had been delved into by strangers. He shouldn’t complain or feel sorry for himself. Harry had to live with it 24/7, but this exposure had brought back those old feelings of not being good enough for anyone, feelings he had fought so hard to try and dislodge from his mind. He should be able to not allow these thoughts to affect him anymore. After all, he was paying his therapist a lot of money to help him rewire his brain. Louis felt upset with himself that he had let Jordan affect him again. It meant he wasn't over him as much as he liked to think he was and he hated that.

He sighed and set to work. He opened the orders book he kept beneath the counter (yes, because he was old fashioned and loved to have hand written, hard copies of things) and ran his finger down the list of deliveries expected to come in today. His mobile phone remained turned off in his pants pocket. It felt heavy. It nudged at his attention. Louis was determined to ignore it.

At 9:20, Lionel made an appearance. He pranced into the shop fashionably late, looking more glamorous and put together than usual.

‘Good morning darling or should I say good morning Harry Styles’ new bestie!’ Louis rolled his eyes.

‘I am not his bestie,’ he said flatly. He wasn't in the mood for Harry Styles.

‘His mystery man then? His fans are putting theories out there. I'm living for Larry Stylinson. Oh my God you two are so cute together,’ Lionel said with a grin.

‘There’s no mystery. There's no Larry Stylinson. Why are they making such a big deal of things? This surely can’t be easy on Harry.’ Lionel pouted.

‘Aww look at you all worried and concerned about him. So sweet.’ Louis huffed.

‘Can you stop making this into something it’s not? I helped the guy out that’s all. He needed help after I spilt tea and coffee all over him. I am surprised I am not being sued by his management for ruining his shirt.’ Lionel leaned closer to Louis.

'Have you been on Twitter today? Do you know that they cropped Mr. Motherfucker Cheater of The Century out of the photos and photoshopped Harry next to you? They look so realistic. Some are even making AI visuals of you and him together and not all of them are PG rated if you know what I mean?' Lionel smirked and gave Louis a wink. What? AI pictures of him and Harry together? How? Before he had time to understand what the hell was going on and how was this his life, the bell over the door tinkled signaling a customer had arrived. They looked towards the door and saw three girls walking into the shop, looking at them and giggling, whispering something between themselves. They pretended to look at books but they were throwing furtive glances towards Louis. Louis looked at Lionel confused and Lionel smirked at him.

‘You have fans,’ Lionel whispered like the drama queen that he was.

‘Don’t be absurd,’ Louis scoffed. Lionel raised an eyebrow at Louis.

‘You wait. Here they come,’ he sing-songed. The girls approached the counter and Louis noticed that they had no books in their hands. Louis braced himself. For what he didn’t know but he braced himself regardless.

‘Hi,’ one of the girls said and Louis noticed she was wearing a Harry Styles t-shirt. His heart was thrumming in his chest.

‘Hello,’ Louis said formally and politely. ‘Can I help you with finding a book?’ The girls giggled.

‘You are Harry’s friend, right?’ another of the trio asked. Lionel raised his eyebrow at Louis again in a “didn’t I fucking tell you so?” way. Louis put a smile on his face.

‘No. I am not Harry’s friend.’ For a second the girls looked confused but they quickly bounced back into detective mode.

‘But he was here and you gave him your shirt,’ the third one pointed out. Lionel coughed.

‘What books did he buy?’ the first one asked. The other one turned to Lionel.

‘You took a picture with Harry. How was he?’ Lionel opened his mouth to reply but Louis beat him to it.

‘This is a bookshop. Unless you are buying books, then there is nothing I can help you with,’ he said a little sternly because this was absurd. Did they think he was going to gossip about Harry? If they did, they had another thing coming. The girls grinned like sharks and Louis shivered.

‘Can we have your autograph?’ one of them asked as she pushed a glossy A4 picture of the cropped photos of Louis and Harry together. What in the world? ‘That’s you with Harry and he’s wearing your shirt. We know it's your shirt. Can you sign it?’ the girl pressed. Louis looked at them bewildered.

‘Why on earth do you want my autograph? And why did you crop out my housemate? There was three of us in that photo!’ The girls giggled again.

‘It’s you and Harry we are interested in. We want to see where this will go.’ Louis felt the ridiculousness of those words seep into his skin and make him sick. Is this what they did to Harry every time he was photographed with someone? Lionel cleared his throat again and Louis shot him a murderous look. Lionel raised both his palms up in a gesture of surrender.

‘Okay,’ Louis said to the girls. ‘As I said, this is a bookshop so unless you are going to buy some books, which clearly you are not, I would thank you to leave.’

‘Sign it,’ one of the girls pressed as she pushed the ridiculous picture of him and Harry towards him. Louis pushed it back towards her.

‘I will not be signing anything unless its a book delivery,’ Louis told them. He came round the counter and politely ushered the girls toward the front door. He held it open for them. ‘You have a good day now.’ The girls sulked and looked at him like he was something stuck to the bottom of their Vans but they left. Louis closed the door behind them and walked back to the counter.

‘Don’t say a word,’ he warned Lionel. Lionel chuckled.

‘Told you so!’

‘Nel, this is ridiculous even for your standards. I only met the guy once…’

‘Twice,’ Lionel corrected interrupting Louis. Louis huffed.

‘Alright twice. I only helped him out after I ruined his clothes. That’s all. We didn’t exchange numbers. For all we know he’s already forgotten about us.’ Lionel grinned.

‘He might have forgotten Niall and me but he definitely hasn’t forgotten you. The way he looked at you…’

‘Nel stop. The guy is not gay!’ Lionel let out an exaggerated devastated sigh as he tapped his IG app and scrolled through it. Then stopped. He turned the phone towards Louis and Louis could see pictures of Harry with his girlfriend walking hand in hand.

‘These were taken last night,’ Lionel told him. ‘They were out and about London and went to dinner.’ Louis couldn’t help the jealous twinge he felt in his stomach which was absurd. Harry was dating Olivia Wilde. He was not gay.

‘There you go. They are out on a date,’ Louis pointed out. ‘Not gay!’ Lionel made a sympathetic face at Louis. Louis hated that face. They all made that face when they were feeling sorry for him and he hated it.

‘Look,’ Lionel pointed to the bottom of the pictures to a small watermark that Louis couldn't even read. ‘You see that? That’s the watermark of the paps that took the pictures. They were called in specifically to take pictures of them on their date.’ Louis blinked. All the pictures had that stamped name at the bottom. Could it be? He shrugged. He didn't care. It was none of his business.

‘Whatever it is, it’s Harry’s business. Now, let’s get to work.’ Before he could get to actual work the door to his shop opened again and a gaggle of girls walked in, looking at him with heart eyes and chattering between them. Lionel chuckled.

‘Fans!’ he sing-songed.

‘Shut up,’ Louis hissed. He walked to the girls. ‘Unless you are here to buy books, please leave.’ He tired to be as polite as the situation allowed but he was not going to let Harry Styles and his fans ruin his day, his routine and his business. He was seriously thinking of taping a notice to his door that read, “NO HARRY STYLES FANS ALLOWED.” The girls looked at him and scowled.

‘Can we just…’

‘No!’ Louis said with a smile.

‘We just want…’

‘A book?’ Louis asked.

‘Well no…’

‘Then you have no business here.’ The girls glared at him but they left. Lionel tsked.

‘They are going to cancel you you know. That attitude of yours is going to go straight on Twitter.’

‘Do I look like I care what strangers have to say about me on Twitter?’ Louis asked. He was feeling irritated with Lionel. Come to think of it, he was feeling irritated at everything. He hurt inside and he was confused. He didn't like it. Again, Lionel gave him the sympathetic face.

‘You might need to be kind to Harry Styles fans. They have the power to close down your bookshop if they set their mind to it.’ Louis scoffed.

‘They are just girls who love their idol for fucks sake Nel! How is that even relevant to my bookshop?’ Lionel tapped on his twitter app then turned it towards Louis.

#thedouchelibrarian

'It's trending,' Lionel told him. Louis’ eyes went wide.

‘Are they referring to me? Am I the douche librarian?’ Lionel nodded and scrolled, showing him various tweets.

@HarryGucciBaby went to @tommobookends and the librarian was so rude. #thedouchelibrarian

@greeneyesanddimples @HarryGucciBaby @tommobookends wouldn’t even sign the picture of him with @harrystyles for us #rude #thedouchelibrarian

@fruityfruit stop harassing @tommobookends

@adoreyouH @tommobookends doesn’t owe you anything. Leave him alone.

@sunflowerseed leave @harrystyles friends alone. Shame on you. He has a bookshop to run. Are you fucking kidding harassing him at his place of business? Then you wonder why Harry hates us!

‘Some are on my side,’ Louis said hopefully. ‘When did this become my life Nel?’

'When your life crossed paths with Harry Styles,' Lionel told him as he patted him gently and sympathetically on the back.

@surfingUSA @HarryGucciBaby @greeneyesanddimples did @tommobookends at least give any deets about H?

@greeneyesanddimples @surfingUSA nothing. Nothing at all. He acted as if he never met @harrystyles. Who does @tommobookends think he is? #thedouchelibrarian

@scarlettpimp but we have to admit that @tommobookends is gorgeous. I could lose myself in his eyes.

Louis felt himself blush.

@janethenotvirgin @harystyles and @tommobookends would make a lovely couple. Just saying. Imagine how beautiful their kids would be! #larrystylinson #stylinsongenes

@queenolivia get your head out of your ass. @harrystyles is dating @oliviawilde #delulu

@holiviaisreal stupid motherfuckers. Accept that Harry is not queer. He is in a het relationship. The only kids he will ever have are with beautiful Olivia #delulu

@janethenotvirgin @queenolivia @holiviaisreal fuck off. If anyone is #delulu it's you lot. Everyone can see that it's a stunt. Are you that dense? #nostunts #larrystylinson #stylinsongenes

Louis felt his heart grow heavier and he became sadder after having read those tweets especially the ones mentioning kids. He pushed Lionel’s phone away from him because all the tweets and bickering and assumptions were making him sick. He couldn’t begin to imagine what shit like this did to Harry. But then again, maybe Harry was used to it and he had learned to ignore it.

‘Let’s just get to work,’ he told Lionel. He stepped into the backroom and closed the door. He needed a moment. He needed to take a breath. He wanted to put this whole thing behind him yet he couldn’t get Harry out of his mind. He couldn’t stop wondering how Harry was feeling about all of this. Had he seen all this? How did he deal with all this day after day? How did he do it? Was Harry thinking of him and wondering if all this upset him?

*

Harry rolled over in his bed and slowly surfaced to consciousness. He blinked his eyes open and let the realization that he had woken up to a new day set in. He sighed and stretched out in his big, empty bed. He sat up and his head hurt. His mouth was dry and it tasted foul. He had drunk too much wine last night at dinner with Olivia if only to just get him through the stunt and to stop hearing her voice nagging at him while he tried his hardest to act like a het man who was enjoying a romantic dinner with his girlfriend. He had held her hand, smiled, leaned in to whisper in her ear. What more did she want? His performance had been excellent and Oscar worthy. The pics on social media made them look like a couple in love. He had done his job!

He stood up, the chilly air of his bedroom hitting his naked body and making him shiver, his skin breaking out into goosebumps. He needed coffee, breakfast and two paracetamol tablets. He padded into the bathroom and turned on the shower and while the water warmed up, he relieved himself. Then he got underneath the spray and refused to think about anything. He just wanted to give his mind a break.

Once he was showered and wrapped up in his lavender fluffy bathrobe and a pair of thick socks, he went downstairs straight to the kitchen where he made coffee and toast. On the kitchen island he saw the book that Louis had given him and which he had been reading yesterday, Lie With Me. He had been hooked but had to stop reading to go out with Olivia. He sat on a stool and as he ate his toast and drank his coffee he carried on reading the book. He was lost in the story until his phone rang, pulling him back to reality. He saw that it was his mother calling. He swiped the phone.

‘Hello mum,’ he said.

‘Hello darling. How are you?’

‘I’m alright.’

‘How was your date last night? I saw the pictures. You both looked lovely. Olivia is a dream,’ Anne gushed. Harry took a breath, held it then exhaled softly.

‘Mum it wasn’t a date. It was work.’ He hated that his mother despite knowing that all his dates were stunts kept insisting that they were real dates. Anne tsked.

‘Come on now. Olivia is wonderful Harry.’

‘She is married with two children mum,’ Harry reminded her.

‘Her marriage is over,’ Anne reminded him back. Harry rubbed his forehead.

‘Don’t be naïve mum.’ He hated using these words with his mother but he couldn’t stand it that she refused to see what was right before her eyes.

‘Your sister has new sunglasses coming out next week,’ Anne said changing the subject. Harry felt his heart ache in his chest. His mother would always see him as a heterosexual man. She had made up her mind about him a long time ago and Harry knew that. He tried to let it go because there was no changing her mind but he couldn't deny that it hurt. He had left home and he was living his own life now but his mother’s denial of his true self still hurt and would always hurt him. He was okay with strangers not accepting him but his mother? That was a hard pill to swallow. Harry smiled even though his mother could not see him because what was the point?

‘I’m glad for her. She will do well.’ He meant that. He wanted his sister to do well in life. Her podcast was a success so he was sure that her sunglasses would do well too.

‘You should support her by wearing her sunglasses darling. Your fans would buy them if they saw you wearing them. You know your sister has to struggle. She is not you. Nothing comes easy to her and with your fame well, it would help her a lot if you were seen wearing her brand.’ His mother always implied in not so direct terms that he had everything handed to him whereas Gemma always had to struggle. How could she think that? How could she even think that what he had achieved was serendipitously handed to him? Didn’t she realize how hard he worked? Didn’t she know that the grand house she lived in had been the down payment by the Azoffs when they had “bought” him off her when he had been just 16 and she had signed him off and let him go? She had just handed him over to because they had shown her a contract that had promised her the beautiful things she would be entitled to if signed it, beautiful things she now enjoyed. She had signed him away. She hadn't even taken time to consult a lawyer to advocate for his best interests and protection. She had just signed their first offer and handed him over. Did she even care how much he had needed her in the early days when he used to call her and tell her that he wanted to come home? Did she know how much it hurt when she’d tell him to man up and be grateful for the Azoffs? No, she didn’t! Or, Harry reckoned, she knew but didn’t care. Yet here she was asking him to help Gemma. Even his own mother wanted him to be a walking commercial. That’s all he was to her, a provider.

‘Mum you know I can’t. I have to wear Gucci. I signed a contract,’ he explained. 'You know about those.'

‘Can’t you talk to Jeff? I mean it would be of such great help to your sister if you wore them for her,’ she insisted. His mother was nothing if not persistent at least where Gemma was concerned.

‘It's not that I don’t want to,' Harry explained. 'It's that I'm not allowed to. I'm bound by contracts to wear the brands I need to advertise. It would be a breach of my contract if I wore any other brands. Jeff will say the same but feel free to give him a ring.’ His mother sighed heavily and he knew that she wasn’t pleased with him. It made him feel bad to say no to her and to his sister but he couldn’t breach contracts. There would be lawsuits and he couldn’t be caught up in any of that drama. His hands were tied.

‘I will talk to Jeff about it. He won't say not to me or to Gemma,’ Anne told him dismissively and so successfully made Harry feel like shit. Harry knew Jeff would sweet talk her and his no would be softer and sweeter. Jeff would make him look like he was the one who didn't want to wear his sister's sunglasses. ‘Anyway,’ Anne continued, ‘when are you coming home? I haven’t seen you for a while.’

‘Soon. We have to start promoting Don’t Worry Darling in the upcoming weeks so I'm going to be out of the country.’ Anne made a squealing sound.

‘I saw the trailer. It’s going to be such a good movie. Olivia looked wonderful in it.’ Harry rolled his eyes. His mother was obsessed with Olivia.

‘I don’t like the whole concept of it.’

‘Harry, stop being ungrateful,’ his mother chided him. 'How can you be so ungrateful after Olivia was so kind to give you the part?'

‘Mum…’

‘Speaking of Olivia, when are you bringing her over? I want you both to come over for Sunday lunch. I will invite Gemma and Michal too. You sister is dying to meet her. Can she bring her children with her? I want to see my grandbabies.’ Harry wanted to throw up. His stomach clenched so tightly it hurt.

‘Mum she’s not my girlfriend and her children are definitely not your grandbabies. We are together only for publicity to promote her movie. That's it! How hard is it for you to understand?’ Harry snapped. His head throbbed.

‘She can become your real girlfriend if you stop being so stubborn. You push them all away. No one is ever good enough for you. All the girls you had…’

‘Were stunts mum! They were beards. They signed contracts to be seen with me. They were promoting something and I helped enhance them that's all it ever was! I’m not looking for a girlfriend.’ Harry paused and exhaled heavily. How could his own mother not accept him? ‘Mum please can you understand that I’m…’

‘I have to go darling. The cats need feeding. And I need to tend to the garden. Remove all those weeds. See you soon sweetheart. Give my love to Olivia.’ And she hung up. Harry put his phone down and willed himself not to be upset about his mother’s behavior. The world looking in, they would think he had a supportive family, that his mother was on his side. At least she acted that way for all to see but in reality, it wasn’t like that. She would never accept him. She chose to ignore his sexual orientation which made it worse in Harry’s eyes. It made him feel invisible, over looked and not valued. He didn’t mind that his mother “preferred” his sister. That was never an issue with him but her not accepting him was something that hurt Harry deeply.

He finished his coffee and opened his twitter app. He had so many notifications! So many mentions! As did Louis. He furrowed his brows not understanding what was going on until he started scrolling through his feed and saw that his fans had been harassing Louis at his shop. He scrolled and scrolled and read tweets until he got to the bottom of what had been going on in Notting Hill while he had been sleeping off his drunken state. He saw the hashtags that were trending #thedouchelibrarian #larrystylinson #larrygenes #holivia. He saw the AI pictures of himself and Louis which were so good that Harry couldn't take his eyes off them. He saw the cropped picture of him and Louis everywhere.

He was happy to see that Louis had not been talking to fans about him. That made him pleased. It made him happy. And it made him want to see Louis again. Harry smiled to himself, a small private smile because he had known that he could trust Louis. He had been right! Louis didn’t disclose anything about their encounter which was clearly pissing off some of his fans, the entitled ones who thought they had a right to his private life. Harry hoped that his fans wouldn’t cancel Louis. He would be naive to think they didn’t have that power and this worried him. Louis was not used to this. Louis led a normal, quiet life and his fans invading his business and his private life worried Harry. He hoped that all of this would not mess with Louis’ business, his livelihood. Harry felt a sudden urge to see Louis, to make sure that he was okay. He had to see him.

There was also another problem. Harry knew that Jeff would be pissed off. He was sure that he had already seen what was going on but deep down Harry couldn’t find it in himself to care. He knew there would be a hell of a price to pay for all this, but he was willing to pay it. He would go on a million pap walk with Olivia if it meant having his name associated with Louis out there. It made him giddy to see people talking about him and Louis in this context. He adored LarryStylinson. His fans had made him and Louis a couple and that sat warm and wonderful in Harry's chest. A man could dream couldn’t he? And he could also write songs about this wonderful, warm feeling inside him. After all, it was about time to start working on his third studio album. Now that he had someone worth writing songs about.

Chapter Text

Chapter 6

Harry waited in his car until it was dark outside and the road was fairly empty. He knew that today being Friday, Bookends stayed open until 9pm. He had googled Bookends and found the shop’s business hours and telephone number. He didn’t have Louis’ number but he had the shop’s number and that gave Harry a sense of peace that he had a way of contacting Louis. The only problem with a landline was that Lionel could answer the phone and if that were to happen, well it wouldn’t be good. Lionel was an attention seeking person and it would probably take him only two seconds to tweet that Harry Styles had called the shop. So Harry had avoided using the landline number on the website. Instead, he had opted to visit Louis. He had to talk to him, make sure that he was okay.

His driver had parked the car across the street and Harry could see into the shop. Lionel had left at 7pm and Louis was alone in the shop. Harry had sat impatiently waiting, trying hard not to bite his nails or rip the skin around his fingers from anxiety. His hands needed to be handsome, that what Jeff always said. Harry looked at his watch. Just two minutes until it was 9 then he would be free to go inside. And see Louis.

Right as the clock struck 9pm, Harry saw Louis turn the open sign on the door to closed and switch the lights off for the main shop floor. The show was in darkness except for a small light still that shone warm and soft from the back of the shop. Harry figured that Louis was closing his cash for the day.

‘Wait for me,’ Harry instructed his driver. He opened the car door and stepped out into the almost empty street. He looked around him to make sure that no screaming fans jumped out at him or to check if there were any people with mobile phones pointing in his direction. He was THAT paranoid! He was however gifted with the ability of detecting a camera from miles away. He didn’t need another photo of him entering Bookends but the street looked empty and the shops were all closed up for the night. He quickly crossed the street, keeping his head down to avoid detection and hoped that Louis hadn't locked the door. He held his breath as he pushed down the handle of the door and it gave easily. He pushed open the door thankful Louis hadn’t locked it! He made a mental note to tell him that he should lock it once he had closed up for the day. One can never be too careful. Harry pushed the door open wider and the bell tinkled signaling his arrival.

‘Sorry we’re closed,’ Louis called from his place behind the counter. He didn’t look up. He was hunched over a few books on the counter and writing in a what seemed to Harry a ledger? Who in 2024 used a ledger? Louis Tomlinson did thank you very much! Harry smiled to himself. His heart was jack rabbiting in his chest and the happiness he felt was something else.

‘Hi,’ Harry said softly. Louis’ head snapped up and his eyes landed on Harry who stood uncertain just inside the shop. He looked different than he did the day before. He looked more normal. Louis hated to even think that word because Harry was normal. But he looked different in his bell bottom jeans, white t-shirt and over sized yellow cardigan with puffs of white clouds on it covering the tips of his fingers. He looked small and...vulnerable. ;You shouldn't leave the door unlocked after closing hours,' Harry said quietly.

‘Harry!’ Louis exclaimed. ‘Wha…what are you doing here? Ugh yeah I um usually closed it. I'm ugh distracted.’ Harry looked caught out by the question. He didn’t know what he was exactly doing there or what he hoped to achieve by being there but he was there. He twisted his fingers together, his index finger scratching at an invisible cuticle on his thumb. He had to stop or he would rip the flesh.

‘I…I um I…’ He couldn’t find the words. What was he supposed to tell Louis? That he had come because he wanted to see him again? That he had missed him? It was crazy, Harry knew that but it was what it was. He did want to see Louis again and he had missed him. ‘I need ugh books,’ he blurted out. Why else would he be in a bookshop right? 'Yes. I need books,' Harry said more certainly. Louis’ eyebrows rose in surprise.

‘You already read the ones I gave you? I’m impressed.’ Harry smiled softly making Louis coo inside. Louis was impressed by him. Harry's smile grew a little wider.

‘I only finished Lie With Me,’ he admitted shyly. Louis came out from behind the counter and took a few steps towards Harry who was still just inside the door. His short curls were pushed back off his forehead and his eyes…his eyes were so green and he smelled…fuck he smelled good and expensive! Louis mentally chided himself for being a creep. He offered Harry a small smile.

‘You should move away from the door,’ Louis told him softly. A look of confusion crossed Harry’s face, the furrowed lines between his eyes that Louis had become quite familiar with in a fairly short amount of time deepened meaning he hadn’t understood. Louis gave him another small smile because Harry was so endearing. ‘You never know who is walking past. If they look inside they might see you in here. Our encounter has caused a little bit of a stir among your fans.’ Harry felt his face heat up and he looked down. He couldn’t meet Louis’ eyes. Of course, Louis would bring it up. His fans had hounded him and disrupted his quiet life. Harry felt guilty.

‘I’m sorry about that,’ he said. ‘They um can get carried away sometimes.’ Louis smiled.

‘It’s alright. Move in here.’ Harry looked up still not meeting Louis’ eyes which were framed by a pair of glasses. Harry hadn’t seen him in those glasses and he wanted to tell him to wear them more often because they made him look really sexy. Louis guided him further into the shop away from the glass door which made them visible from the street. Louis was right, anyone could walk past and see Harry inside, snap a picture and uploaded to twitter. He didn’t want to think about the chaos a picture like that would garner, him being at Bookends after closing hours. Louis switched off the lights by the front door plunging the shop's facade in darkness giving Harry privacy. He reached past Harry and turned the key, locking the door for extra security. Harry felt his heart melt inside his chest. Nobody ever took care of him like Louis was taking care of him unless they were paid to.

‘Thank you,’ Harry said quietly. Louis couldn't get over how soft Harry's voice was despite being deep. It did things to him. Harry looked at Louis. ‘The glasses suit you,’ he told him and immediately wanted to bite his tongue off. He was so stupid. Louis chuckled.

‘Thank you,’ he replied a little bashful. ‘I had to remove my contacts. My eyes were burning after wearing them all day.’ Harry gave him a lopsided smile popping one dimple, making Louis’ heart flutter.

‘You should wear your glasses more often then,’ Harry said and Louis struggled to breathe for a moment because was Harry flirting with him? No! Of course he wasn’t. He has a girlfriend. He’s just being polite.

‘So what book are you looking for?’ Louis asked, changing the subject. It would make sense for Harry to come shopping after business hours. It would save him being stalked and chased after. ‘You know if you ever want to buy books you can always let me know and I will stay open for you after business hours. It would be easier for you to shop quietly.’ Harry looked at Louis not believing this man’s kindness. He was doing it for free and not expecting anything from him in return. He bit down on his bottom lip gently.

‘I appreciate that. Thank you’ he murmured. Louis smiled and rubbed his palms together.

‘So, you finished Lie With Me then. What did you think about it?’ Harry pursed his lips. What did he think about it? Harry felt confused because he couldn’t express his opinion on the topic. Of course he had many thoughts about it that he wanted to share with Louis. He wanted to tell Louis that he loved it, that he understood closeting and the fear of loving a man in the open only too well but he couldn’t say all that without giving himself away to Louis. Louis noticed his discomfort immediately and changed tact. He would never let Harry feel uncomfortable in his presence.

‘Will you allow me to choose a good book for you?’ Louis asked him. Harry nodded because he was unable to speak to Louis. He feared that if he opened his mouth, the truth would come spilling out and he wasn’t allowed to. If he did there would be big problems for many people. His freedom would cost them a lot of money so he kept his mouth shut. Louis saw the struggle on his face and he wasn’t going to let Harry struggle. He had enough of that going on by the looks of it. Louis rubbed his hands together.

‘I’ll be right back,’ Louis told him as he disappeared down one of the aisles. Harry let out a breath he knew he had been holding since the moment he had decided to come back here. This was a bad idea. A very bad idea with catastrophic consequences. Louis was someone Harry looked for in the men he met and never found. Louis was like his dream man come to life. Louis was every hope Harry hoped to find. Harry has always hoped to find a man that would understand his situation without him having to say it, a man that would protect him and his secret. Louis came back and Harry snapped out of his Louis thoughts.

‘Here,’ Louis told him gently as he handed him a small thin book, small and thin enough to slip into the back pocket of his bell bottom jeans. Harry took it and read the title. Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin. He turned it around and read the blurb. He felt heat flood his face. Louis knew. He was giving him books about closeted men. Louis knew about him, Harry was certain and he felt though anxious about it, he felt his heart rest for the first time in a very long time.

‘Thank you,’ Harry said sincerely. He wanted to tell Louis that he wasn’t just thanking him for the book but he was also thanking him for being the best man Harry had met since he was sixteen.

‘You’re welcome,’ Louis replied cheerfully. Harry raised his head and looked at Louis.

‘I am sorry that they disrupted your life. Every person I meet…’

‘It’s alright,’ Louis stopped him. Harry looked very uncomfortable and guilt ridden and Louis didn’t like it on him. ‘It’s fine. I mean its not every day I get that kind of attention. Being a nobody like me getting a bit of attention is nice. It will wear off.’ He tried to play it off for Harry’s sake because Harry looked pained. Harry wanted to tell him that it won’t wear off because he had no intention of leaving him alone which was selfish of him but he wanted to hang on to this, whatever this was even if nothing romantic could ever come of it. Maybe he could keep Louis as a friend. Jeff would allow that, wouldn't he? Harry needed a friend outside his circle, outside the ones who only wanted something from him, away from people who treated him like merchandise. Louis didn’t want anything. He expected nothing of him and that gave Harry a sense of freedom to be himself, to be just a normal human being.

'Are you alright though?' Harry asked him. 'I was worried about you when I saw...all that on twitter.' Louis shrugged.

'I'm fine. No harm done. Even though Lionel warned me to be nice to your fans because apparently they can cancel me,' Louis said chuckling. Harry's eyes went wide.

'No...they um they won't. Most of them...they um...like you,' Harry said, his cheeks heating up. Louis chuckled again.

'They seem to like the idea of us together, which is rather preposterous because you have a girlfriend and all that.' Harry swallowed thickly. Did Louis believe that Olivia was his girlfriend too? No, he couldn't! Louis SAW him for who he truly was! Harry knew he was doomed if Louis believed the stunt too. Harry licked his lips nervously as he decided what to say and how to say it to make Louis understand that Olivia wasn't his real girlfriend but no words could push past his lips. Harry looked at him, his eyes trying to speak because his mouth failed to. He hoped that Louis would see it in his eyes, the denial of him having a girlfriend. He hope that Louis would see in his eyes how many unspoken words Harry could not utter. Then, Louis looked at his watch and Harry realized that that was his cue to leave. He shook himself out of his burned hopes and crashed dreams.

‘I’m sorry I’m keeping you,' he said as he took a few steps backwards towards the door. 'It’s past closing time. I should go,’ Harry pocketed his book and took out his wallet to pay for it. Louis held up his hand stopping him.

‘No charge,’ he told him. Harry shook his head.

‘You didn’t let me pay for the two books you gave me either. It’s only right that I pay for this one.’ Louis smiled at him.

‘Please just accept the book. It’s a gift. Sorry if I seem to be rushing but I am awfully late and not the fashionable kind.’ Harry really wanted to hold his tongue and not ask what he was late for because it was none of his business but his tongue had a mind of its own.

‘What are you late for?’ he asked while deep down inside he hoped and prayed that Louis wasn’t late for a date. Louis chuckled.

‘My sister’s birthday dinner. We’re having a family dinner at my friend’s home. I was supposed to be there half an hour ago but I got carried away with orders for books.’ Harry took a few more steps back from Louis towards the front door as if he was trying to get away.

‘Oh, I am so sorry I kept you. I yeah... I should go.’ Harry felt so embarrassed.

‘Harry wait,’ Louis said. Don’t do it! Louis Tomlinson do not do it! Harry stopped. He would always stop for Louis. ‘I can get out of it,’ Louis told him. He knew his sister would have his balls on kebab sticks if he didn’t turn up but this was Harry. He would get out of anything for Harry. Besides, Louis could see that this man needed something from him and even though he didn't know what it was, he would give to him. His sister would understand wouldn’t she?

‘No. You can’t get out of your sister’s birthday dinner to entertain me,’ Harry said vehemently. Louis smirked at him. Harry's knees were ready to give.

‘Well you constantly entertain the world so I think it would be only fair for someone to entertain you for once so how about you let me entertain you for a bit hmm?’ Harry’s heart wanted to jump out of his chest and nestle in Louis’ arms. Harry gave him a small, shy smile, the one Louis was growing to love.

‘Or um I ugh I could come with you?’ he said forming it as a question. Was he really inviting himself to Louis’ sister birthday dinner with their friends? People he didn't know? Louis' people? Was he really inserting himself into Louis' life when he had no right to do that? Why was he making moves on Louis when he knew there was not a chance in hell that this could go anywhere? But he was selfish, he knew. Louis’ face went serious and Harry picked up instantly on the stupidity of what he had just said. ‘Ugh I’m such an idiot. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…I should go...I...I'm sorry,' he mumbled as he took more backward steps towards the door.

‘You want to come with me to my sister’s birthday dinner with my loud friends?’ Louis asked him. Harry stopped. Louis was considering it? Harry nodded.

‘If it’s alright with you. I don’t want to intrude though,’ Harry said sheepishly. 'You can refuse me.' Louis internally scoffed. As if he would ever refuse him!

‘Don’t you have like some glitzy dinner party to attend to instead of wanting to come to my sister's birthday dinner where we all sit, eat and talk about our mundane lives?’ Louis asked him.

‘No, no glitzy dinner parties for me,’ Harry said giving Louis a small smile. ‘My life is rather boring when I’m not touring. Trust me, I love the mundane.’ Louis rubbed his hands together.

‘Well in that case you’re welcome to tag along. My friend Liam always makes a lot of food. He and his husband Zayn, who’s the better cook out of the two, but don’t tell them I said that because Liam is really sensitive when it comes to his cuisine, love to host dinners where we all gather together. Secretly they feel sorry for me so they make up these dinners so I can have some company. They are lovely though and their little girl Aisha is just adorable. I love them.’ Harry’s eyes went a little wide when he heard that Louis’ friends were married and had a child. He was envious that there were people out there living his dream life but he gave Louis a big smile and Harry hoped that his heart shone through his smile so that Louis could see how happy he was inside.

‘They sound wonderful. You’re lucky to have friends like that,’ Harry said. He wanted friends like that and he was thankful that he had Mitch and Sarah.

‘Don’t you have friends like that?’ Louis asked him curiously because surely a man like him had to have close friends.

‘I used to have a good friend like that until he became my manager. But I do have two good friends. My guitarist and my drummer got married and I am godfather to their son,' Harry explained.

‘Ah. I see,’ Louis said. ‘Well two good friends and a godson are heaven sent. It's not the quantity that matters but the quality. Shall we get going then?’ Louis told him as he began flipping off the remainder of the lights in the shop. They were plunged into darkness but lights from the street lit the shop.

'Watch your step,' Louis told Harry as he guided him towards the door, his hand close to Harry's lower back but never touching him. They stopped at the front door and Louis turned the key unlocking the door. As he was about to open it, Harry spoke.

‘Um do you mind if we go in my car? I mean…I...’ Louis looked at him, his face washed in the yellow light from the street lights. Harry looked beautiful, his haunted green eyes looking at Louis in a way that begged to be seen and heard. Louis could read people like he could read his books. He gave Harry a small reassuring smile.

‘I don’t mind,’ Louis told him. ‘I know you can’t afford to be seen so it makes sense that we’ll take your car. Shit I was going to forget Lottie's present. Give me a sec.' Louis ran back to the counter and grabbed a small box beautifully wrapped with a bow on top. As he walked back towards Harry, he saw Harry's face fall.

'What?' Louis asked him.

‘I don’t have a gift for your sister,’ Harry said and the way he said it, like an upset little boy, made Louis want to laugh but Louis didn't want to make a mockery of Harry's feelings. Louis smirked at him and that smirk did things to Harry, things he didn’t want to dwell on because if he did, he’d want to keep Louis all to himself forever.

‘You being there is more than a gift for her Harry. She’s a fan. She was so jealous when I told her that I met you. Just giving you a heads up that all my friends are fans so you might want to rethink your options here.’ Harry smiled popping his dimples making Louis’ heart squeeze tightly in his chest.

‘I’ll take my chances. After you,’ he said to Louis. Louis smiled fondly and walked ahead of him. He opened the door and stepped outside looking up and down the street to make sure there was no one luring nearby that could recognize Harry.

‘Where’s your driver?’ Louis asked him. Harry felt so warm inside at how Louis was looking out for him. Louis was probably the only person Harry had ever met that didn’t want any personal gain from being with him. Louis didn’t want to be all over twitter sharing his photos with Harry and his experience with him for two minutes of fame. Harry swallowed thickly. He wanted to keep Louis but he knew it was impossible. He pulled out his phone and called his driver. A second later a black car pulled up in front of the shop. Louis opened the back door and motioned for Harry to slip inside. Harry did so. Louis locked up his shop and slipped in beside him.

‘Where to?’ the driver asked. Louis gave her the address and she pulled away from the curb.

‘It’s not far from here,’ Louis told Harry. He blew out a breath. ‘I don’t think you know what you got yourself into by wanting to come to this dinner.’ Harry chuckled.

‘I’ll take anything if it means being in good company.’ Then his face went serious and his eyes got that look again, that look that seemed to hold fear and to be begging for something.

‘What is it?’ Louis asked. 'Are you having second thoughts? I knew you would. I mean if I were you I wouldn't want...' Harry shook his head.

'It's not that,' he interrupted Louis.

'Then what is it?' Louis implored. He really hated seeing him so torn up. Harry shook his head again.

‘It’s nothing,’ Harry said.

‘It's not nothing,' Louis told him. 'Clearly something is upsetting you so please Harry, tell me.’ Harry bit down on his bottom lip. Harry looked at Louis with apologetic eyes. Did this man live to apologize, Louis wondered.

‘I honestly hate to ask this but I really have to. I swear I'm not being a diva or anything but here can be no pictures of tonight on social media. I will get into very big trouble if any photos are put up on Twitter.’ Louis wanted to reach out and squeeze his hand. This man was so paranoid. He was frightened. What was he so frightened about and who was frightening him so?

‘No one will take pictures Harry,’ Louis promised him fiercely. Something inside him made him want to protect Harry against the whole world. Something inside Louis made him want to take Harry's fear away, show him that there was nothing to be afraid of but clearly he knew nothing about Harry's celebrity life.

‘They can take pictures,’ Harry said quickly. ‘I mean, it’s your sister’s birthday party and I won't let my presence take away from her celebration. Your sister deserves to have pictures to commemorate this day but just…’ and Louis couldn’t help himself. He didn’t care if it was appropriate or not, not with the way Harry was looking at him. He reached out and squeezed Harry’s hand, keeping his fingers curled tightly around that damn, shaking palm. He felt Harry stiffen but Louis didn’t let go.

‘I give you my word that no pictures will make their way on to twitter. We are not those kinds of people. Niall won’t be there and neither will Lionel. You can trust that my friends and I will protect your privacy. My sister and my friends are trustworthy. You can trust us.’ He felt Harry relax under his touch, his muscles unclenching and a deep sigh leave his body as if he had been underwater for so long and had just broken the surface. Louis removed his hand and Harry wanted to grab it and hold on to it but he remained motionless, replaying in his mind the feel of Louis’ hand on his, his reassurances and his kindness. Harry knew he was fucked.

Chapter Text

Chapter 7

‘He’s late. I’m going to kill him. He is so very dead,’ Iris complained, letting out a loud huff. She was feeding her new baby boy and pacing around Liam and Zayn’s living room. ‘He’s late for his own sister’s birthday dinner. Who does that? Like what kind of brother would be late for his own sister’s birthday dinner? Clearly MY brother. He probably got lost between the pages of a book and forgot all about me.’

‘Darling calm down sweetheart. Reese will feel your anxiety and it will give him heartburn,’ Andrew her fiancé, told her as he ran his hand gently over their baby's head. Iris rolled her eyes.

‘Babies don’t get heartburn Andrew,’ she snapped. ‘But I do. I do get heartburn caused by my insensitive brother.’

‘You’ll give him colic then.’ Iris stopped pacing and looked at him with a scowl on her face.

‘Do you want to feed him? Is that what this is?’ Andrew smiled sheepishly at her.

‘Technically it was my turn to feed him.’ Iris smiled back at her sweet man. How had she gotten so Reese when she had met him she did not know but what she knew for certain was that Mr. Andrew Hughes was the love of her life. He face softened because she could never be upset with her gorgeous, cute, thoughtful fiancé.

‘You’re the best daddy,’ she said as she stood up on tiptoes and puckered her red painted lips for a kiss. Andrew bent down and pressed his own lips to hers. They both smiled into the kiss, they son between them.

‘You’re the best mummy,’ Andrew told her, his smiling lips still hovering over hers, both of them grinning at each other, Reese still sucking at the teat of his bottle.

‘You’re the best at making me want to vomit,’ Zoey said as she fake gagged whilst accepting a glass of chilled Prosecco from Liam. ‘Thank you Li. I need it to settle my stomach after that display.’ She took a healthy gulp and smacked her lips in appreciation. ‘This is so good.’

‘Don’t get drunk Zo. Louis is bringing someone with him tonight. We need to be sober so we don't make tits of ourselves in front of his date,’ Liam told her. Iris, Andrew, Zoey, Zayn, Anya and Gianna all looked at Liam as if he had just sprouted a second head, their eyes wide with disbelief, mouths opened into stunned O’s.

‘Excuse me what did you just say?’ Iris asked as she handed Reese over to Andrew.

‘He’s bringing someone?’ Zoey asked.

‘Who is he?’ Gianna asked. Liam shrugged and raised both his palms.

‘He didn’t give me a name alright. He called ten minutes ago to say he was running late because he’s bringing someone with him. That’s all he told me.’ Zayn handed Aisha who was going to be one year old in a few days over to Liam.

‘Okay. Let’s set another place at the table for Louis’ mystery man.’ Anya jumped up from her seat on the couch and clapped her hands together.

‘Louis is bringing a date. Oh my God he met someone without our help! This calls for a celebration. Zayn. Liam. Where’s your good stuff?’

‘What good stuff?’ Liam asked, grinning. ‘There’s only wine and beer in the fridge.’ Gianna scowled at him.

‘You cheap sod!’ Zayn came up behind her and hugged her tightly.

‘We have the good stuff that we save for special occasions don’t worry.’ Anya slapped a kiss onto his stubbled cheek.

‘And this is a damn special occasion! We love you the best, Zaynie.’ The doorbell had them all freezing on the spot looking at one another with wide eyes as if they had been caught doing something bad. None of them moved. They just stared at each other.

‘Oh God they’re here,’ Iris whispered. ‘Louis is here with his date! That he found all by himself. I’m so excited.’ She squealed and jumped on the spot, clapping her hands silently.

‘Someone should get the door,’ Andrew said as he rocked Reese gently but everyone stayed rooted to their spot. He sighed.

‘Alright. I’ll get it,’ Andrew said as he held up Reese over his shoulder and tapped his back gently to get the baby to burp. ‘Can you all just act normal? Please? Don’t embarrass Louis in front of his date alright. Oh, Zayn, something is burning.’

‘Shit,’ Zayn hissed as he ran into the kitchen. Andrew opened the door.

‘Crisis in the kitchen,’ he told Louis. Andrew looked at Louis’ date and his eyes went a little wide at the recognition but he didn’t say anything. Of course he had recognized Harry but he acted as if he hadn’t. After all he had told the others to act normal (he hated to think what they were going to do when they saw Harry Styles walking into the living room) so he took his own advice and acted normal. ‘Come on in,’ he said as he opened the door wider for them.

‘Hi Andrew,’ Louis said. ‘And how’s my little nephew doing today?’ Louis asked as he rubbed Reese’s back. The baby was sucking on his tiny thumb, his eyes drifting closed.

‘He just had his bottle and I’m trying to get the lad to burp. Not looking forward to another sleepless night because of colic.’ Andrew smiled at Harry. ‘Hi. I’m Andrew. Louis’ sister’s fiancé. It’s a pleasure to meet you.’ Harry shook his outstretched hand.

‘Nice to meet you. I'm Harry,’ he said softly. Andrew smiled and found it rather endearing that Harry still introduced himself as if people didn't know who he was! Andrew turned around so that Reese was facing Harry.

‘And this is our son Reese,’ Andrew told him. Louis looked at Harry and watched his face soften as he looked with a very fond look at the baby. Longing perhaps? Harry reached out a hand and with his pinky finger touched the baby’s cheek. It was plump and so very soft.

‘Lovely to meet you Reese,’ he said quietly. Andrew looked at Louis.

‘Iris was thinking of a hundred and one ways to unalive you for being late,’ he said with a grin as he resumed patting the baby on the back. He began walking down the corridor further into the house.

‘My sister is a tad bit dramatic,’ Louis warned Harry as Louis started following Andrew.

‘Opps?’ Harry said softly to Louis as he followed him down the corridor where Andrew had disappeared into. Harry could hear voices and the smell of wonderful food filled his nostrils. Harry felt a little bit anxious at having taken such a risk into coming here. One picture was all it took. One tweet and he would be in very big trouble. Louis stopped abruptly before he went any further and turned to Harry. Harry stopped just in time before he collided with Louis.

‘You should brace yourself,’ Louis told him softly.

‘I’m used to it,’ Harry replied equally soft. Louis had no doubt that Harry was used to commanding any room he entered. However, Louis didn't fail to notice the stressed look on his face.

'If you are having second thoughts about this, its alright. We can leave. You don't have to do this,' Louis reassured him. Harry gave him a nervous smile.

'I've never um been spontaneous like this unless I was given the go ahead,' he explained. He began fidgeting with his fingers and Louis knew that he was worried about being here. Louis wanted to reach out to him, hold him but he didn't dare. Harry was like a skittish colt or a baby deer alone in a dark forest. He looked like he was ready to run but had nowhere to run to.

'Hey,' Louis told him softly and Harry's eyes immediately met his, those blue eyes soft and tender making Harry want to drown in them. 'You're safe here okay. Nothing will end up on Twitter I promise you. Whatever it is that worries you so much, here you can have a break from it alright. You're safe.' And just like that, Harry's anxiety eased up. He gave Louis a smile and a nod and motioned for him to carry on down the corridor which Louis did with Harry following so close behind him he could almost feel his breath on the back of his neck. Or maybe he was imagining it. They entered the living room to find everyone staring at the living room door.

‘Hi,’ Louis told them. They looked past him to Harry standing shyly behind Louis.

‘Hello,’ Harry said, giving them all a small wave. ‘Louis said I could crash.’ Iris, Zoey, Gianna, Anya and Liam were staring at Harry with an unbelievable look on their faces. Harry knew that look. Those dazed eyes that your brain couldn't quite connect to what they were seeing. Harry gave them a small smile and kept himself partially hidden behind Louis. He felt safe there.

‘Please don’t scream. Just act normal,’ Louis told them. Andrew chuckled as he gave Reese to Louis.

‘Hello mate,’ Louis said, hoping that everyone would just relax and not stand there gaping at Harry. Worst of all, he didn’t want them to scream in his face or jump him.

‘You…you brought Harry Styles to my dinner party?’ Iris asked him in awe. Zayn rushed out from the kitchen just then looking flushed and harried.

‘That fucking duck is…oh hello,' he said as he saw Harry next to Louis. Then he looked at Liam and back at Harry. 'Doesn’t he look an awful lot like…’

‘Honey it's him,’ Liam told him softly. Zayn cocked his head to the side looking at Harry then looked at Louis.

‘Harry Styles is YOUR date?’ he asked. Both Louis and Harry talked at the same time.

‘He’s not my date!’ Louis said startling Reese who was almost asleep in his arms, the baby emitting a small whine. 'Shh shh,' Louis said rocking the baby gently to settle him again.

‘I’m not his date!’ Harry said anxiously. ‘I’m not. We’re um we ugh...’

‘Friends!’ Louis said. ‘We’re friends. Acquaintances.'

‘Yes,’ Harry quickly agreed. ‘We’re yeah...friends. Acquaintances.’

‘Holy fuck!’ Zoey exclaimed loudly. Zayn looked from her to Liam and back to Harry.

‘So it's really him?’ he asked.

‘Duh yes!’ Gianna said. Zayn walked over to Harry and held out his hand which Harry took.

‘Hello,’ Zayn said.

‘Hello,’ Harry said as he shook Zayn’s hand. ‘I’m Harry. Thank you for having me.’ Zayn grinned at him.

‘I know mate and you’re welcome. Can I get you a drink? Do you eat duck? Shit are you a vegetarian?’ Harry’s face went beetroot red.

‘I um I…’

‘He doesn’t eat meat,’ Anya said. ‘I heard him say it in an interview once. Hi,' she said giving Harry a wave.

‘It’s fine really,’ Harry began feeling embarrassed. ‘I don’t want to impose…’ Zayn wrapped an arm around his shoulder as if they had been friends forever and pulled him further into the room.

‘You’re not imposing. Any friend of Louis’ is our friend. I’ll make you something, don’t worry. Now, let me make the introductions. This is my husband Liam and our daughter Aisha. Louis’ sister and birthday girl Iris. That’s Andrew her fiancé and the baby Louis is holding is their son Reese. And these are our friends Zoey, Anya and Gianna. Gi and Anya are engaged to be married though they haven't set a date yet. I keep pestering them to choose a date but they're so indecisive. They can't agree on a date.’ Harry waved to all of them as they all said hello to him, Gianna giving Zayn the bird. Zayn stuck his tongue out at her and patted Harry on the back.

‘Make yourself at home. Our humble home is your home. What can I get you to drink?’ Harry smiled. He couldn’t seem to stop smiling. He looked around him at the strangers in the room, at Louis holding the baby in his arms and he felt at home. He felt like this was where he belonged. His heart fluttered happily in his chest.

‘White wine is good,’ he said as he walked further into the room and shook hands with everyone. ‘Happy birthday,’ he told Iris. Iris looked at him as if he was an apparition.

‘Okay I’m so sorry for staring at you but I can’t believe you’re actually here. I mean, I adore you and my brother brought you to my birthday dinner and I know I’m rambling and I should be cool and all but fuck it! I can’t I’m sorry. I love you. I love your music.’ Harry chuckled.

‘Thank you,’ Harry told her, his smile never leaving his face and it getting bigger by the minute.

‘Don’t worry I’m not going to scream but can I hug you?’ Iris asked him.

‘Iris leave him be,’ Louis told her. Harry looked at Louis who was sitting on the sofa now still cradling the baby. His heart ramped up. Louis looked lovely holding the baby. Louis was husband and daddy material. How could his husband cheat on him? How could his husband not want Louis? Had his husband found anyone better than Louis or anyone who could even come close to Louis? His husband was an idiot.

‘It’s alright,’ Harry told him and opened his arms for Iris. She fell into his arms and he hugged her but she hugged him tightly and closed her eyes savouring the moment.

‘Fucking hell you smell good!’

‘Iris! Stop sniffing Harry! Have you no shame?’ Louis told her. Harry burst out laughing.

‘Thank you Iris. I am sorry I did not bring you a present. It was short notice and I kinda invited myself,’ Harry admitted sheepishly.

‘Present? What present? You’re my birthday present and please do feel free to self invite yourself anytime you want to! We'd be happy to have you.’ Andrew came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.

‘Please forgive my darling Iris. She has no filter,’ he told Harry and that made Harry laugh.

‘Can we please take pictures with you?’ Zoey asked him. Gianna and Anya nodded in agreement, their phones already out and ready. Harry’s smile slid off his face and he looked at Louis panicked. Louis took the hint.

‘About that,’ he said as he got up cradling a sleeping Reese in his arms and stood beside Harry. ‘You can take photos with Harry but you can not upload them to your social media.’

‘Are you like his manager now?’ Gianna asked. Harry coughed uncomfortably.

‘He’s nothing like my manager,’ he said. ‘Nothing at all. Louis has been nothing but kind to me.’

‘Guys seriously,’ Louis told them. ‘You know all that shit that was on twitter yesterday. We don’t want a repeat of that. Uploading pictures from today on your social media will seriously damage Harry. There will be repercussions and we don’t want that for Harry yeah. He’s here to relax and have a good meal among friends. Give him that. Don’t make him draft up NDA’s for the lot of us. I told Harry that he can trust us. Don’t make me regret bringing him here.’ Liam came up to them still holding Aisha who was squirming in his arms and stretching our her short arms towards Harry, reaching for him.

‘You can trust us Harry,’ Liam told him sincerely. ‘We won’t upload anything on social media. You are among friends here.’ Liam handed him Aisha. Harry took her, holding her delicately.

‘Hello gorgeous,’ he told her. Aisha cuddled into his chest and stuck her thumb in her mouth. Harry looked at Louis and they smiled at each other. Just then Iris took a picture of them standing side by side both holding babies.

‘You two look so cute,’ she gushed. 'Both of you holding babies looking like a married couple with your kiddies!' Harry felt his face burn but he smiled at Louis and Louis smiled back. After that, mobiles popped out and pictures were taken but Harry relaxed and took pictures with everyone, drank wine, talked, laughed and held the babies some more. He allowed himself to be carefree, to be his authentic self even for just this one night. Louis’ family of friends were amazing. Harry had forgotten the last time he had felt so far removed from his life and so settled into another one so easily. He only felt like this with Mitch, Sarah and their son. It suddenly occurred to him that he wished he could have this life. He envied Zayn and Liam. They had what he only dreamed of having. He wanted their life. He would trade the one he had for a simple life like this with a husband and a child. With Louis.

Zayn came into the living room then and announced that dinner was going to be served and that everyone should move into the dining room. Both the children had fallen asleep so they were put down and they all moved to the dining room as quietly as they could. Louis sat next to Harry. Zayn brought out the starter, a veggie soup with lentils. Harry dug in. It was something he could eat without having to spend an hour at the gym working it off. It was low in carbs and high in protein. Good. He was starving.

‘So, Harry I heard that you just finished filming a movie,’ Andrew told him. Harry nodded and wiped his mouth on the napkin.

‘Yes. I should be starting work on another one soon.’

‘Are you still dating that director?’ Zoey asked him point blank. Harry stiffened. He didn't want to talk about Olivia.

‘Yes,’ he said stiffly. Louis gave Zoey a warning look. Zoey took a gulp of wine.

‘There’s a lot of controversy surrounding this movie and the director. What do you think about it?’ Zoey asked him. Harry shifted uncomfortably on his chair, his thigh brushing against Louis' thigh.

‘You sound like the Enquirer,’ Louis told her. ‘Let him eat in peace.’ Harry put his spoon down. He wished he could just say what was on his mind exactly but he feared it might get out so he put on his media persona and gave her the practised smile when dealing with questions he didn't want to answer but had to and gave her his practised answers that his PR team had drilled into him.

‘It’s a good movie,’ he said. ‘Olivia worked hard on it. She found a good cast. We all got along really well.’ Even to his ears he sounded like an automated message on repeat. Zoey narrowed her eyes.

‘I’m a feminist so excuse me if I don’t share your concept of the movie. It's Stepford Wives all over again. Women taken over by men to be moulded into the perfect women to serve them so they could all live happily ever after where a woman is subservient to men! That's patriarchy for you.’ Harry felt his face heat up because what Zoey said was true. He didn't share the sentiment of the movie. He agreed with Zoey whole heartedly but he had no say in it. He had to go along with all of it.

‘Zo,’ Zayn said, ‘it’s not even out yet. How would you know?’ She shrugged.

‘Read the book.’

‘How was Florence Pugh?’ Anya asked changing the subject. ‘I love her.’ Harry sighed because this was safer territory. He didn't have to go by the script. He could be genuinely honest.

'Florence is amazing. She is such a sweet girl. Helped me through some difficult scenes,' Harry said as he smiled and blushed. Zoey chuckled.

'Oh yes when you ate dinner. I saw the trailer,' she said and gave him a wink. Harry chuckled. It was what everyone was talking about.

‘And Chris Pine?’ Gianna interrupted. Harry smiled at them.

‘He's an amazing actor. He helped me too since he is more experience in acting. I learned a lot from him.’ He spooned another spoonful of soup into his mouth. It was so good.

‘Are you still going to make music?’ Iris asked him. ‘Please say you are still going to make music.’ He grinned at her.

‘Music is my passion. Of course I will still make music. I am actually working on my third album but it will definitely be released some time after after I finish filming My Policeman.’ Louis turned to him.

‘I read that book. It’s lovely. I didn’t know they were making it into a movie.’ Everyone around the table rolled their eyes and groaned. 'What?' Louis asked looking around at all the faces sitting at the table.

‘Of course you wouldn't know! You hardly go on social media because your nose is always in your book! You need an upgrade bro,’ Iris told him fondly. Louis frowned at his sister.

‘Social media sucks the life out of life. I hate it.’ Harry smiled at Louis.

'Social media can be a cruel place,' he said and Louis detected from his tone of voice that social media had been cruel to Harry. Louis knew it was time to deflect from that topic.

'So how did you get the part then?' Louis asked. This question made Harry smile and Louis found himself loving this small, shy smile that Harry always gave. Louis was falling for that smile. He wanted it for himself, to keep it.

‘I wanted to be in that movie,’ Harry told him. Maybe it was the wine making him a little bold, maybe it was because he was suffocating in his closet and he wanted out or maybe because he trusted Louis and he wanted him to know that he was closeted, who knows why, but the words flowed out of him unhindered. ‘I read the book a few times. Then I read the script. Then I went to the director and told him that I wanted the part. I kinda insisted on it.’ Harry smiled a small secret smile to himself and Louis wondered what was he holding close to his chest that he could not share.

‘Who are you playing?’ Louis asked him. Harry’s cheeks felt very warm. He looked down. Louis had read the book. He was going to know why Harry wanted to play the part.

‘Tom Burgess,’ he said quietly. 'I went after the part with all I had in me.' He paused, took in a small, shallow breath and said, 'I demanded that part.' Harry was sure to he letting Louis knew that he was a closeted gay man. And somehow, he was okay with that.

Louis nodded. Another closeted man forced to be with a woman instead of with the man whom he loved. Louis looked at Harry and he wondered, are you another closeted man forced to be with a woman? The answer was in Harry's eyes who was looking at him in a way that pleaded with Louis to just know. And Louis knew. However, he was going to pretend that he didn't for the sake of everyone until Harry was ready to tell the world who he truly was. If he ever did.

‘I hope they do the book justice,’ Louis told him as he continued to eat as if nothing had happened and it was this about Louis that attracted Harry so much. The fact that Louis KNEW but acted like he DIDN’T, giving Harry the freedom and autonomy to be who he should be without forcing it on him. Louis swallowed the food he was chewing. 'Most times they never stick to the book, which personally I find rather irritating because you have the book why change it into a whole different narrative?'

‘Who’s My Policeman?’ Gianna asked.

‘Read the book,’ Louis told her.

‘I don’t have the patience for it. What’s it about?’ Louis sighed and put his spoon down.

‘Its about two men who fall in love. It’s set in the 1950’s. It was a terrible time to be gay so the policeman, Tom, married Marion so he and Patrick could have a relationship. Now, can we please let Harry enjoy his night off? More wine?’ he asked Harry but didn’t wait for him to reply. He just filled up his glass. Harry knew that he would have to hit the gym if he kept on indulging. He thanked God that Jeff wasn’t around to witness this. There were restrictions on what foods he could eat and how much of it he could consume and definitely a one glass limit for alcohol. Harry knew he should switch to water. He could have as much as he wanted of that! But Harry smiled at Louis and took a gulp of wine. He will make sure to work harder at the gym to burn all this off.

When dinner was over they all moved to the living room where Zayn and Liam served more drinks and brought out a birthday cake lit with candles. They all sang happy birthday to Iris and wished her the best as she cut the cake. Liam handed out cake but Harry politely declined. He’d had too much already and cake was definitely a hard no. His body was going to start protesting soon and Jeff would have his head if he knew how much he had indulged in.

‘Now,’ Zayn said, ‘for Harry’s benefit since it’s his first time here with us and we hope it won’t be the last.’

‘Hear hear,’ everyone said and Harry smiled happily from his seat next to Louis. He was just a little tipsy, the kind that was making him warm inside and feel a little bold. He loved feeling Louis against him and he wished he could move even closer to him but their arms and thighs were brushing and he could feel Louis’ warmth beside him and smell his cologne and that was enough. For now.

‘As I was saying,’ Zayn continued, ‘before you brutes cut me off, I have to explain the brownie game to Harry.’ He turned and faced Harry holding in his hand a plate with one single brownie in the middle of it. Harry was ready to decline the brownie too. Brownies had a lot of calories and he simply could not eat it. Not that he didn't want to but if he ate it, there would be consequences. ‘Harry, these are my famous brownies. They are to die for. They are my special brownies.’ Zayn winked at Harry as if Harry was meant to know what his special brownie meant. Everyone groaned in unison. Louis leaned over closer to Harry and Harry held his breath because Louis was so close and he couldn’t trust himself not to lean in closer into him.

‘It’s his weed brownie,’ Louis explained. ‘When they organize dinners Zayn always bakes a weed brownie.’ Harry barked out a loud laugh, snorting as he did. He quickly covered his mouth with his hand and looked at Louis apologetically. ‘Don’t hold back your laugh,’ Louis told him softly. ‘Be free to be free here.’ Harry looked at him and he wanted to cry and kiss him. Louis was so kind but if only Louis knew how free he could not be! If only Louis knew that he had been coached on how to laugh, how to smile and how to not snort in public.

‘Anyhoo,’ Zayn continued, ‘this is a game we play Harry.’ Harry turned his attention back to Zayn. ‘Each of us takes it in turn to say why they deserve the special brownie. Whoever’s had the worst, shittiest week, gets the brownie. So, who’s going to start?’ Zoey raised her hand.

‘I deserve the special brownie because I lost a sponsor this week and you know what that means?’

‘Less mascara?’ Gianna asked laughing. Zoey shot her a look.

‘Piss off!’ Zoey told Gianna who just chuckled loudly. Anya raised her hand as if she was in class.

‘Less freebies?’ Anya asked her face shining with excitement. Harry figured she was drunk. Zoey scowled.

‘It means I lose followers, I lose invites to fashion shows. It means I lose money.’

‘Boo hoo poor Zoey!’ Anya mocked. Zoey threw a cushion at her face, hitting her squarely and making Gianna giggle then quickly cuddle her girl and pepper her face with kisses. Harry looked at them enviously. How wonderful it must be to be so free? Zayn kept the plate in his hand and looked around at everyone sitting down.

‘Alright guys, thumbs up if Zo gets the brownie.’ No thumbs went up in the air.

'No thumbs Zoey which means no brownie. Sorry darling. Yours was not the shittiest week. Let's move on to the next dramatic story,' Zayn said.

‘Wow thanks for all your support. Some shitty friends I have!’ Zoey whined as she downed her glass of wine and held it out towards who Liam who quickly refilled it.

‘Who's next?’ Zayn called out.’ One by one they took turns, all of them stating something unfortunate that had happened to them during their week. Harry sat there and listened and laughed with them and he didn’t want this to end. Finally, it was Louis’ turn.

‘Nothing bad happened to me this week,’ Louis said with a shit eating grin. Iris rolled her eyes.

‘Of course not! Harry Styles came into your fucking life.’ Louis smiled.

‘That he did,’ he said and winked at Harry. Harry felt a tingle start from his toes up to the roots of his hair.

‘You’re excluded,’ Zoey told Louis.

‘You shouldn’t even be opting for the brownie,’ Anya said.

‘Leave him alone,’ Liam jumped in. ‘He’s had a shit year. He deserves something good to happen to him!’

‘And duh he got it!’ Iris said.

‘So, Zayn who gets the brownie this week then?’ Andrew asked.

‘Zayn honey, let Harry have a go,’ Liam said. All eyes turned on him.

‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ Zoey asked. ‘How can Harry Styles have a bad week? Are you alright there Liam?’ Harry made a small choking sound in his throat and looked down at his almost empty wine glass. Louis looked at him and saw that Harry wasn’t smiling any more.

‘Do you want to have a go?’ Louis asked him softly.

‘Do you think you deserve to have a go Harry?’ Zayn asked him. Harry thought about it for a minute then looked at Zayn and nodded. Zayn made a sweeping motion with his arm.

‘The stage is yours.’ He paused and chuckled. ‘No pun intended.’ Everyone in the room groaned at Zayn’s lame pun.

‘Go on,’ Louis encouraged Harry. ‘You’re among friends here.’ Harry took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He kept his eyes down, focusing on a spot on the beautiful, thick carpet beneath his feet.

‘Well, I’ve been in the public eye since I was 16. It was pretty much from day one that I was marketed a womanizer and a man whore.’ The room went deadly silent. ‘Every woman I was pictured with, I was sleeping with. The first woman I was made to date was 33 years old and I was just 16. My mother was okay with it because she said that was what teenagers did.' Harry scoffed. 'Teenagers don't date 33 year old women. Obviously I didn't date her but it was enough to get it out there and the general public believed it. I just wanted to make music and when I protested about it, they told me that it was to get my name out there, to garner attention. I told them wouldn’t my music do that?’ He chuckled but everyone in the room was silently looking at him. Louis wanted to stop him, wanted to wrap him up in his arms, cradle his head in the nook between his neck and shoulder and stop him but Harry carried on.

‘I was so naive. My mother told me to stop being ungrateful and just do what I was told because that these people knew what they were doing so I should just listen to them. After all, I was inexperienced in the field and the Azoffs were veterans in the business. They knew what was best for me. Jeff was my friend. He wouldn’t allow his father to do anything that would hurt me.’ He paused again and downed the rest of his wine.

‘I am constantly on a diet because my waist cannot be bigger than 28 inches.’

‘Fucking hell you have a 28-inch waist?’ Zoey exclaimed interrupting him but Harry didn’t seem to hear her and just continued talking in his deep voice, his drawl much more pronounced from the wine he had consumed.

‘I am constantly told what to do, what to say, how to sit, how to stand. My media training has come second hand to me. Sometimes I don’t know who I am. I never had a serious relationship. I’ve never been in love. I’ve never had my heart broken. I cannot wear what I want most of the time because there are many people who invested in me so I have to wear their brands and I cannot let anyone down. My best friend turned into my manager and all he sees me as now is a walking money making machine. I am followed by the paps and everything I do is always splashed on social media. My life is scrutinized, pulled apart and examined under a microscope. There are so many rumors about me that I’ve lost count. And what people obsess over and are interested in the most is not my music or my acting but my sex…’

‘Alright I think Harry gets the brownie,’ Louis interrupted him before he went any further and divulged things about himself that he would later regret. ‘But you will not eat it. You’ve drank a fair bit of wine and the last thing you need now is a weed brownie,’ Louis told him. Harry looked at Louis like he was a lost puppy and Louis wanted to take him to his flat, give him a glass of warm milk with honey, tuck him into his bed and hold him while he slept. ‘I think you should call your driver,’ Louis told him softly. ‘We don’t want her alerting your people that you’ve gone missing and she would have to tell them that this house was the last place she saw you go in.’ Harry blinked sleep laden eyes at Louis and dammit Louis wanted to kiss him so badly!

‘I think I need to walk all this wine and food off before I call her. If I vomit in the car she will have my balls and if my manager knew that I ate all this food and drank all this wine he would have a fit and send me to the gym for intense workouts. Come to think of it, throwing up is not a bad idea. I’ve done it before but I get told off because it could ruin my voice.’ Harry snorted a laugh and was quick to cover his mouth. Everyone in the room looked at each other unable to believe that this was Harry’s life. From the outside looking in, his life was all glitzy parties, flashy cars, private jets, VIP treatments and wealth. From the inside looking out, they could see in Harry’s eyes that he was trapped. He was a prisoner in his own life. Louis got up off the couch.

‘We should go. Harry is ready to fall asleep,’ he told his friends. Everyone was looking at Louis with soft eyes and small smiles which Louis chose to ignore. They were weirdos. ‘Come on Harry.’ Harry stood up and thanked everyone, complimented the chef and hugged Iris tightly.

‘Happy birthday again. May you have everything your heart desires,’ Harry told her sincerely. Iris smiled at him.

‘I already do,’ she told him. ‘I hope that you too will have what your heart desires one day.’ She was as perceptive as her brother Harry noticed.

‘Maybe on my next birthday I’ll make that wish when I blow out my candles,’ Harry said and even though he tried to be subtle, everyone in the room saw him throw a small glance at Louis. Except of course Louis. Iris gave him another hug.

‘So now we are besties. You can baby sit Reese if Andrew and I want a night off and we can go shopping together. I know a few places…’

‘In Camden Market,’ Zoey jumped in.

‘Camden is cool,’ Harry said. ‘I love it there.’

‘You shop at Camden?’ Gianna asked him.

‘I used to,’ he said. ‘Not anymore because my manager…’

‘Harry,’ Louis said softly, ‘let’s go.’ They said their final goodbyes on the doorstep and when the door closed, they could hear everyone screaming inside like a bunch of fans at a concert. Harry smiled fondly. Louis cleared his throat.

‘They always do that whenever I leave.’ Harry chuckled.

‘As they should. You are worth screaming for.’ Louis smiled and sighed.

‘Call your driver.’ Harry looked at him with eyes full of hope. He didn't want this perfect night to end. He didn't want to go home to an empty house.

‘Can we go for a walk?’ he asked. Louis looked around them. It was late. The street was empty.

‘What if someone sees you?’ Harry shrugged one shoulder.

'Then let them,' he said. He swayed a little on his feel.

‘Harry,’ Louis said softly. He desperately wanted to take his hand. ‘Someone might snap a picture. I don’t want you getting into trouble.’

‘It’s late,’ Harry pointed out. He opened his arms wide. ‘There’s no one around. I just…I’m not ready to home yet. That house,’ he stopped. He looked up at the night sky. The sky looked like black velvet dotted with silver sparkles. ‘That house is too big and too empty. I just…I need…’ Louis’ heart cramped up in his chest.

‘All right. I know a place not far from here where you can chill and not be seen. Come on.’ Louis began walking, his hands in his trousers pockets. That way he wouldn’t be tempted to take Harry’s hand. Harry smiled and hurried up to catch up with him stumbling a little in his haste to follow Louis. He would follow Louis anywhere.

Chapter Text

Chapter 8

Louis stopped in front of a tall iron gate. It was set back into the wall away from the street and surrounded by bushes and trees making the door a little concealed by the ivy that twisted round the iron bars making it hard to spot for those who didn't know it was there. Louis glanced at Harry’s profile as he looked at the gate with a little wonder on his beautiful face.

‘It’s like the door to the secret garden,’ Harry said, standing too close to Louis. Too close that he could feel his body heat and smell his cologne. Harry wanted to get closer, much closer but he did not dare.

‘What is this place?’ Harry asked in a hushed voice. Louis felt a little bit more at ease being outside with Harry. They hadn’t met a soul on the short walk from Liam and Zayn’s house to the garden. No car had passed by and Louis had stealthily looked around the neighbouring houses and flats to see if anyone was peeking out from behind curtains but he had seen no one. Of course he wasn’t sure that they hadn’t been seen, but he was hoping, for Harry’s sake, that they hadn’t.

‘This is a communal garden for the residents in this street,’ Louis said. Harry furrowed his brows and looked at Louis. Louis really wanted to smooth down those two deep lines between Harry’s eyebrows that seemed to be a permanent fixture on his face. This man shouldn’t have frown lines. He should have laugh lines but the frown lines were more pronounced than his laugh lines which wasn’t right. An overwhelming sensation came over Louis. He wanted to give Harry laugh lines. He wanted to give him crows feet from laughing so hard that he had to squint his eyes. Louis wanted to remove those frown lines permanently.

‘And we are here why?’ he heard Harry ask. ‘Clearly it’s locked.’ Louis smiled and pulled out his home keys then showed Harry a black iron key.

‘I have the key,’ he said grinning at Harry like a mischievous imp. Harry folded his arms across his chest and looked at Louis.

‘And how do you have the key to a communal garden that’s for residents only?’ A smile was tugging on his lips begging to come out. Louis wanted him to smile big. He wanted him to let out his laughter and his smiles.

‘My friend tends to this garden and the few others around here but this one is my favourite so he gave me the key to it. I’m king of the Communal Literary Garden in Notting Hill Kingdom but don't tell Sir Stanley LeRoy I said that. He thinks he's the king of all this kingdom.’ Louis winked at him. This brought Harry's dimples out to play and Louis felt happy that he had coaxed them out. He wanted to poke them but he kept his hands to himself.

‘Why is this your favourite one then?’ Harry asked, dimples still there. Louis grinned at him.

‘Come on. I’ll show you,’ he said in a secret whisper. Harry’s smile faded and to Louis it felt like the sun had been covered by thick, heavy clouds even though the moon was shining brightly.

‘But you’re breaking the law. It’s closed for a reason,’ Harry told him.

‘No, I’m not breaking the law. I have the key so I’m not breaking in.’ Louis showed him the key again, dangling it in front of his face.

‘But we can’t be in there after hours!’ Harry protested. The last thing he needed was getting caught breaking and entering after hours in a garden for residents only.

‘Says who?’ Louis asked.

‘Says the gate that’s locked!’ Harry exclaimed a little loudly then quickly shushed himself. Louis chuckled. Louis leaned closer to Harry.

‘Come on Styles, live a little,’ he whispered challenging, Harry. Of course Louis was making fun of the situation but Harry seemed edgy. He was playing with his fingers again, twisting them this way and that. Louis noticed these little things that Harry did when he was nervous.

‘It's easy for you,’ Harry said, an edge to his voice. ‘You have nothing to lose. Where as I...’ he paused as if he realized what he was saying. He didn’t want to sound as if he were better than Louis or as if his life had more importance that Louis'. Harry looked at him apologetically, ready to apologize, but Louis didn’t seem offended. He was still grinning like a naughty school boy. ‘What if we get caught Louis? I can’t be splashed on the tabloids for trespassing into a garden after closing hours. What if we get arrested?’

‘We won’t get caught or arrested,’ Louis assured him. 'I promise.'

‘How would you know that?’ Harry insisted. Louis sighed. The soft smile never left his face but Harry noticed that his eyes had turned sad. He hated it. He hated that he had made those beautiful blue eyes sad. Louis was making him live and feel alive and Harry wanted to abandon all thoughts of responsibilities and contracts and consequences and jump off the deep end because somehow, a big part of him knew even though he didn't know how he knew, that Louis would catch him. Louis wouldn't let him crash. As Harry watched Louis' face, that soft gentle smile on his lips, his blue eyes marred by sadness from memories that still pained him, those eyelashes framing his eyes, his cheekbones, Harry wanted to fall but he was too tightly bound to let go.

‘When I found out about Jordan…’ Louis said quietly. Harry knew where Louis was going to venture and clearly it pained him. Harry didn't want to see him pained. Pain didn't suit Louis.

‘You don’t have to,’ Harry quickly stopped him. 'Not on my behalf.' He didn’t want Louis to feel pain by talking about his past because he was too much of a fucking coward to go into a garden with Louis! Louis gave him another small smile which Harry wanted to kiss.

‘It’s alright. It doesn’t hurt so much to talk about him now. I mean, it’s been a year since the divorce but back then, it felt like the end of the world for me. I was lost. The world as I knew it had crashed and burned. I became sort of a recluse. I was on autopilot. Just held hostage to existence, an existence I didn’t want. I didn’t want to see my friends or my sisters…’

‘Sisters?’ Harry interrupted. ‘You have more than one?’ Louis smiled fondly and Harry loved the crinkles by his eyes. He wanted to write a song about them.

‘I have three other sisters and a brother but I’m the closest to Iris,’ Louis explained. 'After Iris there's Elizabeth and Emma the twins. They are 20. Then there are another set of twins, Marianne and Edward. They are 8.'

‘Wow,’ Harry said. 'What a big family you have.' Harry loved big families and he dreamed of having his own one day even though that day seemed so far away it was practically invisible.

‘I would have four sisters and a brother but Francesca passed away. She was only 17.’

‘Oh my God,' Harry exclaimed. 'She was so young. I'm so sorry Louis.' Louis looked into the distance as if he was remembering the tragic event.

‘She never got over my mum passing away.’ Harry felt as if his heart was about to break in his chest. His mother and his sister had passed away? He couldn't imagine losing both his mother and sister even though he wasn't as close to them was Louis had been, but still. How much heartache had this man been through and yet he was here, still living? Harry internally berated himself for complaining about his situation when here was a man, standing in front of him, whose life was made up of loss.

‘Your mum passed?’ Harry asked dumbly. His lips felt heavy as he spoke. Louis nodded. ‘I am…that’s…oh my God I’m so sorry.’ Louis smiled at him but his eyes were full of sorrow.

‘Yes. I was devastated when she got sick and we were told that her days were numbered. My siblings were still very young. Iris and I are the eldest so it was up to us to hold it together and to see to the little ones. My mum was my best friend. She was everything to me, the one I turned to in my troubles and count on to give me good advice and help me sort through whatever I was going through. When she passed away, I was badly broken. Then after Jordan...Anyway, my friend gave me the key to this garden and I used to come here to escape everyone. To be alone. To be alone with my broken heart and my misery. I didn’t want anyone to perceive me as fractured and unable to hold it together. The peace and time I had in this garden became the gold that mended me, you know like the art and practice of kintsugi. But now I'm mostly whole. I still come here quite often when the world gets too loud for me or memories assault me in a way that I need to be alone with them. Grief and pain are private.’ Harry swallowed thickly. His throat felt too tight.

'I'm very sorry,' he said softly. 'This is your sanctuary isn't it?' Louis looked up at the gate.

'It's is,' he said quietly as if he was afraid to break the silence surrounding this intimate moment.

‘But the people here,’ Harry pointed out to the buildings around the garden. He wasn't saying what he actually wanted to say that, people could see them there. There could be pictures of him in a garden after hours with a man. The media would have a field day making up stories and assumptions about how that looked. Harry hated himself for selfishly thinking of his own skin while faced with Louis' loss. Louis didn't seem to mind though and that made Harry feel worse. Louis was selfless.

‘The garden is enclosed by a wall. They have access to the garden through their back gates. This garden is hardly ever used by the residents. Every time I come here during the day or the evening, its always empty. People sometimes don’t appreciate the little pieces of heaven they are given. So, I make use of it. I come here to be alone, to think, to find my peace and also to read the benches.’ Harry blinked at him like an owl.

‘Read the what?’ he asked. Louis laughed softly.

‘Come on I’ll show you. Unless you truly don't want to come which given your circumstances I understand. You don't have to do anything you are not comfortable with Harry.’ Harry wanted to sob. Heart sobs that had been accumulating in his chest for a while now, bred of loneliness, indifference, emotional negligence, touch deprivation, the need for soul connection and being forced to do things he didn't want to do. And here was Louis, giving him choices. Allowing him to decide for himself. Louis was everything Harry wanted in his life and the one thing he could never have. He nodded. Louis smiled at him as he inserted the key in the lock, turned it and opened the gate. It didn’t even make a sound. Harry expected it to squeak loudly but it opened silently on well oiled hinges allowing them entrance.

Harry hesitantly followed Louis, still apprehensive on what this could mean if he got caught sneaking into a garden at night with a man but deep down he knew that he could trust Louis. Louis had so far looked out for him and made sure that Harry was safe at all times. Louis would not jeopardize him, Harry was certain of that so he followed him because by now Harry knew that he would follow Louis wherever.

They stepped through an archway made by the trees overhead then they were inside a round garden. As Louis had said, the garden was surrounded by the back of the houses and the wall. It was safe and very private. Harry started to relax. It was like stepping into a different world. The garden itself wasn’t too big. There was a round patch of grass in the middle with a small fountain, the gurgling water soothing in the otherwise silent garden. It was as if sound was not permitted to enter this beautiful space. Benches surrounded the round patch of grass and Harry noticed that the benches looked like open books. Louis smiled when he saw the awed look on Harry's face as his gorgeous green eyes took in everything.

‘I call this the Literary Love Garden,’ Louis told him fondly as he walked towards the first bench then stopped. Harry followed in Louis' footsteps then stopped beside him and he could see that there was something written on the bench. It was in black cursive paint, stenciled onto the whiteness of the bench. He moved closer and began to read.

‘I have a dream,’ Harry read slowly. ‘I persist in dreaming it, although it has often seemed to me that it would never come true. I dream of a hearth-fire in it, a cat and a dog, the footsteps of friends-and you. Anne of The Island by L.M. Montgomery. This is beautiful,’ Harry said in awe. He looked at Louis, his green eyes shining in the light of the lamp. ‘This is amazing.’

‘There’s more,’ Louis told him quietly. He walked him to the second bench. Harry leaned closer and read the same black cursive on the white stone.

‘I will die for you he whispered. But promise me you will live first because nothing we are about to do is going to be easy and I need you by my side. Finnikin of The Rock by Melina Marchetta. That’s... wow,’ Harry murmured in awe. Harry looked up at Louis, his eyes big and wide making Louis so very weak for him.

‘These are beautiful,’ Harry said the awe in his voice sounding something melodic. He moved to the next bench and again leaned in closer to read.

‘I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there is life after that, I’ll love you then. City of Glass by Cassandra Clare. Wow,’ Harry said. ‘Who came up with this idea?’ Louis shrugged as they moved on to another bench.

‘I don’t know but whoever it was, was either severely heartbroken or had found the perfect love,’ Louis said. They stopped in front of another bench. Harry leaned forward, almost but not quite touching Louis but close enough to feel his comforting body heat, to read the next inscription.

‘He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.’ Harry straightened and looked at Louis with a smile on his face. ‘I know this one. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte.’ Louis chuckled. Harry looked so proud of himself and Louis felt tenderly endeared by him.

‘Well done,’ Louis praised him. Harry felt good at being praised by Louis. He liked the feeling it gave him inside, a feeling like drinking warm hot chocolate on a cold, rainy day. He could feel that praise churning inside him, warming him up, making his insides soft and pleasant.

‘Heeyy, I did go to school you know. I had Wuthering Heights in English literature class. I was getting ready to do my GCSE’s before I tried for the X Factor and well, you know, I am what I am today.’ Louis narrowed his eyes at him.

‘All right Mr. Pop Star, since you read Wuthering Heights, here’s a question for you and your answer will determine very much what I think of you from here on out. It all hangs on this answer.’ Harry nodded, a smile on his lips. He really liked Louis.

‘Alright. Ask away,’ Harry told him.

‘Was Heathcliff to blame for all that went wrong with Cathy? Is he the villain?’ Louis asked him. His eyes were shining with anticipation for Harry’s answer. Harry pursed his lips and tapped his index finger against his bottom lip in thought. After a few moments of thinking, he looked at Louis.

‘Heathcliff was never to blame. He loved her and she loved him but she wanted riches and a social status. According to her, Heathcliff was beneath her which is why she chose to marry Edgar Earnshaw instead of Heathcliff. Edgar was rich and had status but she didn’t love him. Her heart belonged to Heathcliff. She loved Heathcliff but in marrying him, she knew she would be degrading herself. Heathcliff had nothing except love for her. She was stubborn and broke her own heart as well as his. I don't blame him for what he did even though he was cruel but love especially one that's unrequited can lead you to madness. Can it not?’ Harry stopped and settled his eyes on Louis waiting for the verdict. He hoped that he has answered what Louis was expecting of him and not make an utter tit of himself in front of this beautiful man whose opinion of him mattered a lot to Harry. He watched Louis’ face as he contemplated Harry’s answer. It was a mixture of surprise and awe. Louis probably thought he was a dumb pop star. Maybe he still thought that and for a moment Harry's heart froze up. Had he made an ass of himself? But then Louis’ face broke into a smile.

‘Correct,’ he said, ‘I never once blamed Heathcliff for what happened. All the heartache and destruction that happened, that was all on Cathy. Well done Harry. You made it into my list of favourite people.’ Harry smiled big, popping both his dimples and he felt very happy that he was on Louis’ favourite people list. He didn’t care if he was last on this proverbial list. What mattered was that he was on Louis’ favourite people list.

Louis winked at Harry then walked to the next bench and stopped in front of it. His face went somber as he looked down at the writing on the bench then looked up at Harry with sad eyes.

‘This is my bench,’ he said softly. Harry moved in closer to read, his arm brushing Louis'.

‘I want you. I want us. I love you. I love us. It’s true…I can go on living without you. I just don’t want to. Romeo letters to Juliet.’ Harry looked at Louis wondering why this was his bench though he figured it had something to do with his ex husband. Louis sat down on it and Harry sat down next to him, close but not too close to make it obvious. Harry wanted to know but didn’t want to ask. Louis sighed. In that sigh Harry could hear heartache.

‘When Jordan left me and filed for divorce, I used to come here quite a lot and sit on this bench and do nothing but sit here for hours and wonder how I was carrying on living without him when I had no desire to.’ Harry sat very still and did not talk. He was in the presence of raw heartache caused by lost love, something he had never experienced.

‘When he left,’ Louis continued, ‘my life just sort of fell apart. He held it together, held me together especially after I lost my mum and Franny. Then he left and I just came undone. I crumbled. I didn’t know how to do life without him. He had been in my life for so long. He was my first love. My first everything. He was the only man I ever had in my life. How was I supposed to go on living without him? Suddenly the world I knew no longer existed and I had to find ways to live in it without Jordan. I didn't want to. Looking back on that dark time, I’m surprised how I’m still here.’ Silence enveloped them. The garden was beautiful, dimly lit with lamps, the moon was shining down on them, the water from the fountain gurgling softly and Harry thought it was the perfect scene with the perfect emotions to pen down a love song about heartbreak and dickheads who broke your heart. Boyfriends, husbands, fuck you!

‘I’m sorry,’ Harry whispered quietly. He was afraid to break the stillness of the moment even though it was laden with long lost pain, it echoes still very much present. Louis was still hurting over his ex husband and Harry wanted to fix him and heal him, to be the last bit of gold needed to hold Louis safe from heartbreak forever but he couldn’t. He really wanted to take away this pain and replace it with happiness but he couldn’t. And Harry knew that he should leave him alone because if he persisted in seeing Louis, he would only break his heart all over again. Louis looked at him and gave him a small smile.

‘No need to be sorry. You didn’t do anything. I should be sorry for bringing you here and discarding my woes on to you.’ Harry looked at his lips then at his eyes then back at his lips. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to desperately kiss him but that would mean giving himself away. Louis was still a stranger. A stranger without an NDA.

Louis could see what was happening. Harry wore his emotions on his face and they were very easy to read. He wasn’t going to let him do something that might bring him trouble. Or that he would regret. Harry had consumed a fair amount of wine and Louis would be a shit person if he took advantage of that.

‘So, tell me all about you,’ Louis said, breaking the moment and venturing into safer, less depressing conversation. Harry blinked and moved back because he hadn’t realized that he had leaned in closer to Louis. He cleared his throat, embarrassed.

‘What?’ Harry asked. He sounded confused and thrown off and Louis had to chuckle. He leaned back on the bench and crossed one leg over the other at the knee.

‘Tell me about you. I mean, what you’re allowed to tell a stranger like me who might run off and reveal everything you tell me to the media. Not that I would, mind you. I’m very good at keeping secrets. I’m told that I’m a good listener and an awesome keeper of secrets.’ Louis winked at him and Harry smiled.

‘I have a Wikipedia page and if you Google me…’

‘I don’t want to Google you,’ Louis cut him off. ‘And Wikipedia is not trustworthy. Wikipedia is open to all and anyone can modify information. I don’t trust it. Besides, I have the original Harry Styles sitting next to me so why would I google him when I can get it straight from the source?’ Harry smiled again and looked down at his hands and started fiddling with his fingers again. Louis wanted to reach out and cover his hands with his own to stop him. He wondered what made Harry so nervous and anxious. Harry shrugged one shoulder.

‘There’s not much to tell,’ he said softly and Louis noticed perhaps a little bitterly?

‘There's not much you’re allowed to tell,’ Louis corrected tactfully. Harry remained quiet, his eyes down. ‘It’s alright,’ Louis told him. ‘You don’t know me and here I am overstepping your boundaries by asking you to tell me about yourself.’ Harry looked at him and Louis couldn’t get over how beautiful he was or how expressive his eyes were. His eyes literally spoke when his lips refused to.

‘You don’t know me yet you told me about yourself,’ Harry said. 'You told me so many personal things.' Louis chuckled.

‘I’m nobody. I have nothing to lose by baring my soul to you. You on the other hand.’ He let it hang there between them. Harry was struggling between wanting to tell Louis everything and getting up and leaving. Because this was too much, this need for him to talk to Louis. He had connected with Louis and only God knew how much he needed to connect with another soul. This connection with Louis kept him tethered to the real world and he wanted to open up and unload on Louis because he knew that Louis would understand and would not run off to tell the world about him. However, Louis was a stranger. Jeff had told him not to trust anyone, that not everyone was his friend and they could take advantage of him. Harry knew that! He wasn’t stupid or naïve. Louis couldn’t take it seeing him sitting there silently struggling with himself.

‘Its alright Harry. Just because I told you about me, don’t feel obligated or that you have to tell me about yourself. I understand where you’re coming from and…’

‘I am grateful for this life,’ Harry blurted out, interrupting him mid-sentence. He spoke softly and quietly, his words measured and calculated. ‘I mean, I am just a lad from a working class family from Holmes Chapel. Mum and dad divorced when I was young. One sister. Step parents. Two step siblings. I did normal things like go to school and hang out with my friends, ride my bike to my Saturday job at a bakery, go to the movies and read books. I already told you I was studying to sit for my GCSE’s. Then all this happened.’ He paused and looked at Louis, their eyes meeting and their gazes locked.

‘These things, this life that I have, don’t happen to people like me but they did happen to me and I am grateful,’ Harry said almost looking apologetical. ‘I have good management, an amazing label and an efficient PR team. I have a life most only dream about.’ Harry paused again and chewed on his bottom lip. Louis could see the conflict in him, whether he should keep going or if he already said too much. Louis smiled to himself. They had trained him well. Give information but not too much information. Keep it simple yet keep them intrigued. But Louis could see that Harry was unhappy. Still, it was not his place to probe any further.

‘Good things happen to good people,’ Louis stated. He didn’t want to push him. He wanted Harry to know that he understood him. Harry nodded.

‘I’m not too sure about that,’he said.

‘Not too sure you’re a good person?’ Louis asked him. ‘I’m sure you are.’

‘You don’t know me,’ Harry uttered. ‘You only know what the media tells you about me.’

‘I’m not a fan of the media. You can’t believe all that you read on the internet or the newspapers can you?’ Harry looked at him. Louis could see the skepticism in his eyes.

‘Everyone believes the media,’ Harry spat bitterly. ‘They believe all that is said about me without stopping to really look and see!’ Louis picked up from the tone of his voice that Harry hated the media. And with reason too. They printed nothing but shit about him they dredged up or made up.

‘Well, I hate to disappoint you but I don’t. Especially not the tabloids. Just speculations and rumours. I’m not into that. I’m into facts and hard truths no matter how hard they are. Idle gossip is not for me.’ Harry kept looking at him and Louis could see the struggle in his green eyes but he would not push him to talk. Louis felt on edge. He wanted to know this man, not in the way that the world wanted to know him but in the way one wants to know one’s soul. Harry Styles and this Harry sitting next to him in a quiet garden in the middle of the night were two different persons yet one and the same. Harry Styles was for the world. Harry was...well he was different and Louis quite liked him. Again, they were quiet.

‘I love performing,’ Harry continued softly as if he was justifying his complaints and feeling guilty for them. ‘I love making music. When I get on stage everything else falls away. I feel free to be myself. It’s just me and the crowd. A family of friends who are strangers. On that stage nothing else matters but the crowd and the adrenaline. They are there to see me. I am always highly aware that they pay a lot of money to come see me. Some make sacrifices to be there. I know some of them give up other things to be there so I owe them the best of me for the duration of the concert. After all, if they don’t come to see me, I would not be able to do what I do. It would be just me on a stage singing to an empty room and that’s not very appealing is it? It’s quite silly when you think of it.’ Harry smiled a little and Louis smiled back at him because when Harry smiled at you, you just have to smile back.

‘So,’ Harry continued, ‘I feed off their energy and the energy I take from them, I give back and we become one. I know what they expect from me and I give it to them because I don’t want to disappoint anyone but when it ends…’ He stopped again and Louis could see the sadness in his eyes. Something more than sadness. Something deeper and bigger.

‘What happens when it ends Harry?’ Louis asked him quietly. Harry let out a small, long drawn sigh.

‘Sometimes when the concert is over, I change and sit somewhere where they can’t see me and I watch them leave the venue. They are all still high on adrenaline, they are still singing and want more. They can never get enough. So, I sit there and watch them and I think about them getting back to their homes safely, to their families, their spouses, their children. To their normal lives with their loved ones but when I eventually leave the venue, well that’s a different story.’ Louis needed to reach out and hold him but he sat still.

‘How so?’ he asked him. Harry shrugged one shoulder.

‘When I leave there is no one watching me go. Once the music stops and the lights are turned off and I step off that stage, my life hits me. My manager is there to greet me as I get off stage to congratulate me on another job well done then goes off to count the money I made for him. My girlfriend is there sometimes and she typically orders me to hurry up and get changed then rushes off after my manager to make plans for us. There’s my assistant who hands me water and a towel while techs remove my earpieces and packs. There are more people backstage who talk to me, congratulate me and I try to keep up with everyone. I don’t want to disappoint anyone by being rude and acting like a diva. That's not who I am. Just because I sing and act doesn’t make me better than anyone. They work for me and I was raised to show respect to everyone. Then I’m rushed to a car and whisked to another hotel room and on the drive I check what’s on the agenda for that evening. Mostly there’s nothing after a concert. A show takes up a lot of my energy and after I’m done, there’s not much energy left in me to do anything. I never choose to go out and party. I only do that when it’s work related. Other than that, once I get to my hotel room, I strip, shower, call room service, watch something on the telly while I eat and then sleep in yet another empty bed until I wake up in the morning to another schedule which I have to go through while I’m being whisked away to yet another place to do the same show again in another venue to another crowd.’ Louis visualized all that Harry had described and came to the conclusion that behind the persona sitting beside him was a very lonely man.

‘You are the most wanted man in the world,’ Louis pointed out as if that made things better for Harry when it was obvious they weren’t. But he was the most wanted man in the world! Harry scoffed.

‘They want the idea of me. They want a curated version of Harry Styles, the one they see on stage, happy, carefree, goofy. They want the Harry Styles they see at awards wearing Gucci. The reality of being just Harry is very different from what they see.’

‘Why?’ Louis couldn’t help but ask. Surely this man wasn’t as lonely as he was making himself out to be was he? Didn't he have any friends? Harry chipped away at his cuticle with his thumb nail. He knew he had to stop or he would end up making his fingers bleed and Jeff would give him hell for it. God forbid he showed anyone that he was stressed or anxious. Plus, his fingers had to be perfect for when he promoted the next Pleasing nail polish and hand cream.

‘They won’t like the real Harry. The real Harry is quite boring. They all want Harry Styles. Nobody would want just Harry. There is a big difference between the two.’

‘I’m sure that’s not true,’ Louis told him. Couldn’t he see how lovely he was? How him being all raw and honest and vulnerable made him the most beautiful soul on this earth? Couldn't he see what a precious soul he was? How could he think that of himself? Who had poisoned this man’s mind? Harry made a little exclamation, half scoff, half laugh.

‘It’s true. Away from the spotlight I’m rather ordinary. What they see is just an illusion. I am nothing but a product. I have been manufactured. My personality, my image, it's all part of the marketing of the product they have to sell to the fans. They made me perfect and I cannot live up to that kind of perfection. It does not exist. I am flawed in so many ways but I have to look perfect. My flaws, my imperfections are what make me me but they have erased everything. They moulded me into this walking trademark. Many have invested in me and I cannot disappoint anyone. All I ever wanted was to make music and perform. I never wanted to be Harry Styles TM.’ Harry paused and Louis could see him swallowing thickly. Louis had noticed how many times Harry had said that he didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Harry looked at him and smiled. His smile was strained, tired.

‘I’m sorry. Must be all the wine I drank making me say things that I…’

‘You’re safe with me Harry. No one will know. Feel free to say what’s burdening you. I got you.’ Harry swallowed again. His vision became a little blurry and he quickly blinked his eyes rapidly to stop any tears falling from his eyes. He couldn't cry. Not in front of Louis. Not in front of anyone. Crying was a private affair.

‘You must think I’m very ungrateful and being a diva about all of this. Like I have everything I could ever want. Fame. Wealth. Opportunities. Privileges. How could I be sitting here half drunk in a garden somewhere in London on this night complaining about my glamorous life to a stranger? If I were you sitting there I would think me to be a rather spoiled, ungrateful person. I mean, I have a life that most would die for but in truth it’s a very isolated life. Very lonely.’ Louis was silent for a moment taking in what Harry had said. This man was very worried about what people thought of him. He was very worried about not disappointing anyone. He could tell that Harry hardly ever spoke like this to anyone. Louis would’ve bet his shop and his home that Harry had no one in his life with whom he could open up to this way and Louis felt blessed that Harry felt he could open up to him even just a little bit.

‘I don’t think you are being ungrateful,’ Louis said quietly. Harry looked at him, his eyes big and green and asking for something but Louis didn’t know what it was otherwise he would have given it to him without hesitation.

‘No?’ Harry asked. His voice sounded hopeful. Louis shook his head.

‘No. I think you are being human. People don’t understand a situation unless they are in it. Some try but one person's shoes are not made for another to walk in. And to be honest, I’ve only had a day of your fans hounding my shop and I have been wondering how you do it day in and day out. It’s not something I envy you for.’ Harry hung his head. Louis turned in his seat to look at Harry, his knee bumping into the side of Harry’s thigh. Harry felt very solid. Louis had to choose the right words to say to him. He didn’t want to scare him away but he had to say what he actually thought about what Harry had confided in him.

‘Harry,’ Louis began softly. Harry kept his head down. Only God knew what was going through that mind Louis wanted to know. ‘One day, the world will see the real you and they will love you even more than they do now. They will love your flaws and your imperfections. You will walk onto a stage in a city somewhere unapologetically yourself, shining your true colours and the world will see you as you are, will see your true self and they will love you for it.’ Harry smiled a little. Louis could see the slight quirk of his lips.

‘That’s a nice thing to say. A lovely dream to have. Perhaps a wish I can make when I blow out the candles on my next birthday cake. But it won’t happen. It will never happen,’ Harry said with steely determination. Louis nudged Harry's thigh with his knee until Harry looked at him.

‘Never underestimate wishes made while blowing out candles on birthday cakes. The Universe hears all wishes made and works on them for you.’ Harry kept his eyes locked on Louis' eyes and it made Louis ache to see the pain in those green eyes. But Harry smiled.

‘Maybe the universe has heard me already,’ he murmured.

Chapter Text

Chapter 9

Harry’s phone rang as he was having his first coffee of the day. He put his mug down and he reached for it across the island and saw that it was his mother calling. Without knowing why, his body braced itself. It was too early for his mother to be calling him. He swiped it.

‘Good morning mum,’ he said as he took a gulp of hot coffee. It burned his throat a little but he loved his coffee hot. And he was feeling nervous. The day had barely started and he was already nervous. He needed to meditate and do some yoga to release all the pent up energy inside him and realign himself.

‘Good morning my darling,’ his mother said into the phone. ‘How are you?’ Harry sighed. He wished he could at least tell his mum about all the turmoil going on inside him. He wanted to tell his mum about Louis so badly but he knew she would brush it off, call Louis another phase like she had done before. Anything other than face the fact that Harry was gay and attracted to a man.

‘I’m alright mum. Just tired,’ he said.

‘Tired?’ she asked surprised as if the mere word offended her. ‘Tired doing what? Its not like you have to struggle in life!’ Harry sighed. How was he supposed to tell her that he was tired from having to hide his true self? Tired of not being able to fall in love? Tired because he had found the man of his dreams but could not allow himself to fall for him because he was not allowed to? Tired of people dictating his life? Tired of not being able to share with his own mother how he had felt when he had met Louis? He wanted to ask her if she believed in love at first sight. He wanted to tell his mother about the lovely people he had met; Iris and Andrew and their little boy, Zayn and Liam and their little girl. He wanted to tell her that two men could get married and start a family and have children. But Harry knew she wouldn’t listen. So he lied.

‘I just have a lot on my mind,’ Harry said softly.

‘How’s Olivia?’ she asked changing the subject. His mother was very good at changing the subject when he was the subject. ‘Why haven’t you brought her and the kids round yet? I’ve been asking you for a long time to bring them over. We want to meet her. Welcome her to our family.’ Harry rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. He exhaled loudly.

‘Mum you know she’s just for publicity. She needs it for her upcoming movie. She’s still married to Jason and...’

‘Nonsense!’ his mother said tsking. ‘She’s such a lovely lady and...’

‘Mum, doesn’t it bother you in the least what they are saying about me? That I’m a home wrecker? That I broke up their marriage and I am taking Olivia away from her children? Does that not bother you at all?’ Harry asked her, his voice pleading and full of hurt that his mother would believe that her son was breaking up a marriage and dating a woman who was still married to another man. Didn't she know him at all?

‘Oh sweetie, people say a lot of things and one must not believe everything they hear. They are just making silly assumptions about things they don’t know anything about. Your fans are very happy that you have found a nice girl to settle down with. Don’t worry about what nasty people say! See what they always say about the Royal Family. All those rumours and false accusations! Shameful. We don’t believe everything we hear about them do we? The same goes for you dear. Let them talk. We know you love Olivia and...’

‘Mum stop it!’ Harry snapped a little too harshly. The silence down the phone seemed to be screaming in the void between them. Harry bit down hard on his bottom lip. He hated yelling at his mum but she won't listen. Was it really too bad for her to have a gay son?

‘Well,’ his mother said and Harry did not miss the sternness and disapproval in her voice. And the disappointment. She was always disappointed in him. His first instinct was to apologize and tell her that she was right. But he wouldn’t. Not this time. He had to start standing up for himself at some point. ‘I just called to give you some good news,’ his mother continued, her tone calmer even though it was still laced unspoken criticism of his behaviour.

Harry felt his heart squeeze tightly in his chest. If his mother was buying all the lies, how did he hope that the general public would see through the fakeness of his relationship with Olivia? If his mother was okay with him being a home wrecker, what hope did he have against the world? He thanked God that most of his fans saw through the bullshit and stood up for him. He didn’t know how they managed to see past all of it, but he was thankful they did. They always pissed Jeff off and the downside of it was that the more his fans pushed the gay narrative, the more Jeff made him stunt. It was a no win situation.

‘Tell me,' he said quietly. He wanted his mother to know that he was not angry with her. He was just sad that his own mother refused see what was right in front of her face. She had refused to acknowledge his sexuality when she had caught him kissing Malcolm, their neighbour's son in the garden shed when he was 15.

‘Well,’ his mother began and Harry could hear the joy and excitement in her voice, ‘I talked to Gemma yesterday. You know how we call each other every other day to catch up,’ she said. Harry nodded to himself. He knew how close his mother and his sister were and his mother found every opportunity to rub it in his face.

‘Yes mum, I know,’ he said patiently.

‘Anyway, she told me that she and Michal,’ she paused for dramatic effect and Harry waited. Were they getting married? Harry wondered. He waited some more wondering what his sister and Michal were up to. His mother remained silent as if she was waiting for a drum roll. Was she waiting for a drum roll? Harry could feel his patience wearing thin.

‘What mum?’ Harry asked impatiently when she remained silent.

‘They’re pregnant! Your sister is having a baby and I’m going to be a grandmother! Isn’t that wonderful? I’m so excited Harry.’ Harry sat there at the kitchen island looking into space. His sister was pregnant. He was going to be an uncle.

‘Harry?’ his mother said. Say something. I just gave you wonderful news. Can’t you be happy for your sister for once? Must it be all about you?’ Harry swallowed thickly. A baby. A tiny little human being. His niece or nephew.

‘Sorry mum. I just...I wasn’t...I mean...’

‘You’re surprised and shocked right?’ his mother asked him happily.

‘Of course. Yes. I mean wow. A baby. I didn’t see that coming,’ Harry said.

‘You’re happy for her aren’t you?’

‘Of course I am mum. Why wouldn’t I be? She’s my sister!’ Harry said indignantly and he hoped his mother could hear his annoyance in his tone of voice. How could she think that he wouldn't be happy for his own sister?

‘I was asking to make sure because when something isn’t about you, you tend to get prissy,’ his mother said.

‘Mum I don’t!’ Harry exclaimed. How dare she think that about him? Despite who he was, he always made sure to lead as normal a life as possible. How could she think that of him? He was always happy for his friends who got married and had kids. He was godfather to a few babies! He heard his mother sigh as if she was dealing with a spoiled toddler who was about to throw a tantrum because he didn't get what he wanted.

‘I understand that the whole world revolves around you because of who you are but, Gemma is making me a grandmother. I never thought I would be. At least one of you is giving me a grand baby. You never even let me be step grandmother to Olivia’s children! How selfish is that of you Harry? I can’t see you giving me any grandchildren anytime soon so let’s not make this about you alright. Everything else is about you but this is about your sister.’ Harry felt confused. Why was his mother saying all this to him? Had he acted like that and never noticed?

‘Mum I...’

‘Gemma is going to need me now,’ Anne continued talking over him. ‘You have people waiting on you hand and foot and she has no one. Michal has to work so she is going to depend on me. Its not like you need me anyway.’ Harry couldn’t believe the words he was hearing. He wanted to scream that yes, he needed her too. That yes, he had people waiting on him because they were paid to do that! He wanted to tell her that what he truly needed was his mother! He needed her too! How could she think that he didn’t need her or miss her? He was still her little boy no matter how big he got. Hadn’t she said that once to him? That no matter how big he got he would always be her little boy? Had she forgotten?

‘Harry, are you there?’ his mother asked impatiently.

‘Yes mum, I’m here,’ he said softly, trying to swallow down the pain he was feeling. Maybe if he shrunk himself, made himself as small as he could, she would realize he needed her. His mother tsked.

‘You can at least pretend to be happy for your sister! You are going to have a little niece or nephew! Doesn’t that make you happy? Or is your career the only thing that matters to you and which makes you happy?’ Oh mum, Harry thought, if you only knew!

‘Of course I’m happy mum! I’m very excited. I never thought we’d have a little one in the family.’ His mother sighed and that sigh, laden with disappointment, killed Harry.

‘Well it’s clear that from you we won’t get any little ones unless you find a girl to settle down with. Really Harry you are not getting any younger. When are you going to settle down? Are you going to keep on entertaining people for the rest of your life? Making music? Touring? It won't last forever you know, so when are you going to start thinking about getting a wife?’ Harry shrugged.

‘I don’t see why I can’t do both. I mean many musicians from your generation are still entertaining and have families and...’

‘Oh get your head out of the clouds!’ she snapped at him. ‘You are not them! One day you will be forgotten and what then? Who will you go home to? To your awards? To your multi platinum discs hanging on your walls? To picture frames with people who are doing nothing but using you to fill their pockets? You won';t be famous forever. You should start thinking about finding a girl and settling down.’ Harry swallowed thickly.

‘Okay mum I get it. I have to go now. I was in the middle of making breakfast.’ He couldn’t bear these hurtful words from her any more. He told her that the kind of family he wanted didn't include a wife but a husband. But Harry knew that whatever he said or did, he was never going to be good enough for his mother. His money was good enough but he would never be.

‘Alright then,’ Anne said curtly. ‘Make sure to make time in your busy schedule to call your sister and congratulate her.’

‘I will,’ Harry said. ‘Love you mum. Talk soon.’

‘Talk soon,’ she said and hung up. Harry put the phone down on the island and stared at the wall. He could not explain not even to himself how he was feeling. He had felt this kind of rejection from his mother before and this loneliness and detachment from the world but somehow now it felt bigger, more vast. And he knew that the reason was Louis. Ever since he had met Louis a few days ago, everything within him had changed. He wanted things that he had never dared tell himself he wanted. Now he felt lonelier because Louis was there and he was so unreachable, so unattainable. He had found the perfect man but he could never have him. He sighed heavily, his soul feeling like it weighed a hundred tons. He decided to call his sister to avoid any more chastising from his mother. He picked up his phone and scrolled to his sister’s number, tapped on it and put it to his ear. He heard the dialing tone ring and ring. As he was wondering if he should hang up because maybe his sister was ignoring his call, she picked up.

‘Harry,’ she said in a flat tone. ‘I gathered that mum has called you with the news.’

‘Hi Gem. Yes she did. It’s such wonderful news. Congratulations to you and Michal. How are you?’ His relationship with his sister had always been a little strained and ever since he had become who he was, it had become strained even more.

‘I’m alright,’ she said and offered no more details.

‘Morning sickness?’ Harry asked trying his hardest to make conversation. He really wanted to work on his relationship with his sister. He wanted to be in this baby’s life. He wanted to be a part of his own family not feel like an outcast.

‘Not yet,’ she replied. There was silence and it was the awkward kind. He heard her take a breath. ‘Listen Harry, I don’t want this news out there. This is my and Michal’s life. I don’t want your fans sticking their nose into our business.’ Seriously?

‘Its not like I was going to tweet the news Gem!’ Harry said defensively. ‘I don’t control my social media accounts. You know mine are on private.’ He heard Gemma scoff.

‘As if your fans are not like the FBI. They find everything out. They want to be part of everything. They feel like they're are entitled to our private lives.’

‘Gemma they don’t mean any harm,’ Harry said because she was being a little too harsh on them. He did what he did because of them and both his mother and sister enjoyed the luxuries he bestowed on them thanks to his fans who paid good money to come and see him, who bought his music and his merchendise.

‘I don’t care Harry. They are your fans not ours. You chose that life. We didn’t and we’d like to keep this pregnancy private.’

‘I understand,’ Harry said quietly.

‘Do you?’ Gemma asked. ‘Because I don’t think you do. Do you realise that I will have to conceal my pregnancy because if one of those psychos takes just one picture of me, that will be it? The rumours and conspiracies will start. I will be all over twitter. I don’t want this but I don’t have a choice. So instead of enjoying my pregnancy, I have to stress on how to hide it every time I go outside.’ Harry felt like shit. Like pure, utter shit.

‘I’m sorry,’ he told her sincerely.

‘Not as half as sorry as we are. Ever since you became famous, our lives have become a public spectacle because your fans don’t know how to stay in their place and give us privacy.’

‘What do you want me to do Gemma?’ Harry asked his voice now not concealing his annoyance. ‘It’s my job. It’s what I do. I can’t control them can I?’ he wanted to tell her that his mother wanted him to wear HER sunglasses so HIS fans, the ones she was shitting on would buy them. And they would! If Harry wore them, they would buy them. Because that's how loyal they were. Yes some of them took it too far but most of them were supportive and gave him privacy. It was okay when his mother and his sister needed his fans for something like that but he would not stand to be blamed for other people's actions.

‘There’s nothing you can do,’ she said flatly. ‘Guess I’ll just try my best to hide my joy. I can't even glow in peace. Bye Harry.’ She hung up. Just like his mother had. Harry groaned loudly. Why couldn’t he catch a break? He needed someone to talk to. He decided to Face Time Mitch and Sarah. They were his closest friends and he was godfather to their son Scout. Mitch and Sarah knew everything about his life and he trusted them. He needed to vent. He needed to tell someone about Louis or he would explode. He waited for his call to be answered and when it was, the camera showed a disheveled and out of breath Sarah and a screaming Scout in the back ground. Harry winced at the high pitched scream that rang through the phone.

‘Harry hi,’ Sarah said with a tired smile.

‘Did I catch you at a bad time?’ Harry asked her. Sarah smiled and pushed her messy hair behind her ear. She looked exhausted.

‘No. Scout is just having a day,’ she said just as the sound of banging drums came to their ears. Harry winced again. ‘Scout,’ Sarah called over her shoulder, ‘you know you’re not allowed...’ more banging and crashing. She looked at Harry apologetically.

‘Can I call you back? He’s going to damage my drum set if I...’

‘Go,’ Harry told her. ‘Call me back.’ He saw Sarah nod and the call was disconnected. Harry sighed heavily and thought back to the night before. How much fun he had had with Louis. He had felt so comfortable with Louis’ friends, so welcomed. Harry had gotten a taste of the life he wished he could live and he wanted more of it. His phone began to ring and he saw that it was Sarah calling him. He accepted the call and Sarah’s smiling face filled his phone screen. She had fixed her hair and the back ground was quiet.

‘Hi H. Sorry I had to leave. He’s being a monster today,’ she said with a fond smile. Harry smiled back at her.

‘Don’t we all have our monster days?’ he asked her. She laughed.

‘We do. So, how are you?’ Harry’s smile faltered. Sarah’s smile slid of her face. By now she knew him well enough to recognize his struggling face, that eternal struggle inside her friend on how much he could divulge on what was going on in that beautiful head of his.

‘What’s up H?’ she asked him softly. Ever since she and Mitch had been on tour with Harry they had become close. They had both realized early in their friendship that Harry was not what he portrayed to be. Mitch had known him before Sarah had, but together they had formed a cocoon of safety and trust around Harry, a place he could be himself. And Harry had fell into both their arms with the certainty that he was safe. Harry chewed on his bottom lip. Sarah smiled to herself.

‘You know,’ she told him, ‘I have learned all your facial expressions in the time I’ve known you. I’ve learned the different looks in your eyes. I know when you’re worried or scared, sad or happy. I’ve learned what that frown between your eyes means and I’ve learned that when you chew on your bottom lip, you’re anxious and you end up hurting yourself. What’s going on Harry?’ Harry let his lip go, sighed and Sarah saw his shoulders sag. He looked straight at the camera.

‘I met someone,’ he said quietly, reverently. Sarah’s eyes and smile grew a bit bigger.

‘Have you? Where? Who? Tell me,’ she asked excitedly. She knew his situation well enough to know that this would probably go nowhere unless it was approved by the powers that be that controlled Harry but she was excited for him because both she and Mitch wanted him to meet someone and fall in love. Harry was love! He gave it so freely and he deserved to have it back. His fans loved him and adored him but Harry deserved the kind of love that only a partner could give him. Sarah knew how much Harry hated stunting and how much he wanted a real partner. Harry smiled and she saw a sparkle in his eyes that she had never seen before.

‘A few days ago,’ Harry said through his smile. ‘In Notting Hill.’

‘I saw,’ Sarah said laughing. ‘You’re an idiot Harry going out by yourself like that. You should know better. Is that stalker still camping at your door?’ Sarah chastised him fondly. Harry pouted.

‘He’s harmless. He’s homeless. He just sleeps there.’ Sarah tsked.

‘Harry please be careful. Don’t underestimate...’

‘Sarah, I just get him food and give him some money that’s all. He needs help and I can provide it. He’s not dangerous. Anyway, I wanted a breather. I wanted to be by myself for a bit but yeah well that didn’t go too well for me did it?’ Both he and Sarah laughed.

‘I saw the pictures of you with some male fans. Is the person you met one of them?’ She saw Harry blush, lower his eyes, scrunch up his nose and smile shyly.

‘Yes,’ he said, still with that bashful smile on his face.

‘Which one? Come on Harry spill,’ Sarah said, now smiling too. She noticed the pink blush on his cheeks and her heart fluttered for him.

‘Louis,’ Harry said, his voice a mere whisper. ‘The one with the beautiful blue eyes.’

‘Ah,’ Sarah said knowingly, ‘the pretty one. How did you meet and what is this shirtgate thing your fans are tweeting about? It was trending along with Larry Stylinson. What’s all that about?’ Harry giggled and Sarah felt her heart grow with happiness. She’d forgotten the last time she saw Harry happy like this. Happy enough to giggle.

‘I went out shopping and as always I met one fan and she asked for a photo. I couldn’t say no.’

‘As always,’ Sarah said rolling her eyes fondly.

‘She uploaded the photo and the place where she met me and well, they came and they chased me. I panicked and I ran. I didn’t know where I was going and I got lost,’ he said sheepishly.

‘You got lost? In London?’ Sarah asked him skeptically and Harry giggled again. It was music to her ears.

‘I did,’ Harry admitted, the smile and pink blush never leaving his face. He was beautiful and Sarah wanted to hug Louis for bringing this beauty in her friend to the surface. ‘When they started chasing me I just bolted. I ran blindly and I somehow ended up in Notting Hill. In his bookshop.’

‘He owns a bookshop?’ Sarah asked him. Harry nodded. Finally someone he could talk to about Louis.

‘Yes. It’s called Bookends. He’s called Louis. Tomlinson. He’s divorced. His husband cheated on him. I don’t know why he would do that because Louis is...he...well...’

‘He’s what H?’ Sarah asked him nudging him gently to continue. And Harry caved.

‘He’s lovely Sarah. He’s so kind and smart and beautiful and he didn’t treat me like Harry Styles. He treated me like just Harry. Then I was chased again when I left his shop and somehow the fans found me again. Then, like it was meant to happen, Louis and I bumped into each other. He was carrying to cups of tea and coffee and he spilled them all over me.’ Harry let out a bark of laugher and Sarah joined him. She loved seeing the smile on his face and his eyes shining with excitement. She was also glad that he didn’t cover his mouth to suppress his laughter. Uninhibited Harry was her favourite Harry. Unfortunately, uninhibited Harry only came out when Harry was inebriated. If was such a breather to see him like this, so free.

‘I mean the tea was hot and the coffee was cold and he made a right mess of me!' Harry paused at those words. Louis had made a mess of him and Harry...Harry wanted Louis to make a different mess out of him! He heard Sarah giggle.

'Where did your mind go to?' she teased him. Harry felt his face flush hot. He cleared his throat.

'Anyway, he was so flustered and panicked. He was so cute. He was worried about ruining my expensive clothes. Then he took me to his house.’ Again the pink blush on his cheeks.

‘And?’ Sarah urged him. 'What happened at his house?' Sarah asked wiggling her eyebrows.

'Oh get your mind out of the gutter you,' Harry told her playfully.

'Pfft look who's talking!' Sarah said. Harry giggled.

‘Nothing happened. He's a gentleman. He let me clean up and then he let me borrow his shirt. That’s shirtgate! They saw that I had changed clothes. They noticed I wasn’t wearing the same shirt I was wearing at the bookshop and shirtgate was born. They found a picture of him wearing the same shirt. So they made one plus one and realized I was wearing his shirt. Hence shirtgate and Larry Stylinson. That’s our ship name. He has such a lovely, cosy, truly lovely home Sarah. So lived in. Full of memories. I know some of those memories might not be good for Louis because it's the same house he lived in with his ex husband. Niall, that’s his housemate. He’s a noisy Irish lad but he’s nice. Anyway, he told me that Louis wanted to keep the house and had bought his ex out and has a huge loan to pay hence why he has a housemate. Louis also has a cat called Sir Stanley LeRoy. Louis got to keep him after the divorce. Sir Stanley doesn’t like me very much. He's quite territorial and possessive but I plan on getting him to like me. Cats love me.’ There was a pause in the conversation, both Harry and Sarah realizing what he had just said. It was Sarah who broke the awkward silence.

‘So you’re planning on seeing him again?’ she asked him treading waters carefully. She was well aware of Harry’s situation.

‘I’ve seen him again already,’ Harry said quietly. Sarah’s eyes went a little wide.

‘Oh,’ she said because she hadn’t been expecting that. The smile slid off Harry’s face.

‘I know I shouldn’t have,’ he explained, ‘but I...’

‘Harry stop,’ Sarah told him kindly. ‘Don’t do that with me. Tell me about it. Where did you go? What did you and Louis do?’ The smile was back on Harry’s face and he told Sarah about the night he spent with Louis and his friends and sister. Then he told her about the secret garden Louis had taken him to.

‘It's not really a secret garden. It's like an enclosed garden for residents only but Louis has a key because his friend is the keeper of the garden so when Louis was really broken after his husband left him, his friend gave him the key to go to the garden whenever he wanted,’ Harry explained. ‘So it's not really a secret garden but I like the idea because it was just Louis and me, alone, lost to the world surrounded by those love quotes inscribed on the benches. Love quotes that he’s read over and over every time he goes there. It was such a lovely evening Sarah. Though I have to go to the gym to work off all the extras I ate because if Jeff...’

‘Jeff can bugger right off,’ Sarah told him sharply. ‘You’re allowed to eat and have fun.’ Harry's face clouded over.

‘I can’t afford to put on weight,’ Harry told her. ‘I have some Gucci clothes I have to showcase and I will start filming My Policeman soon and since I have nude scenes... well I can’t afford to put on weight. And if Jeff knew how much I indulged he would kill me.’

‘Harry, you are the perfect weight. Stop letting Jeff put ideas into your head. So, where do you think you and Louis, whatever you have, will go? Do you want it to go somewhere?’ Sarah asked him changing the subject because she really hated the way Jeff had put things into Harry’s head which Harry seemed to believe even though they were far from the truth. She saw Harry hesitate and his face darken, the furrow between is eyebrows deepening. Then his eyes met hers through the camera and the look he gave her was heart-breaking for Sarah.

‘It doesn’t matter what I want,’ he said quietly. ‘Jeff will never...’

‘Harry forget Jeff for a bit. We’re not talking about Jeff. We’re talking about you love. About what YOU want,’ Sarah told him kindly. Harry wanted to cry. He wanted to hug Sarah and cry.

‘I can’t,’ he whispered. Sarah could see his eyes filling with tears.

‘Let’s imagine for conversation’s sake shall we? If you were just a normal boy and you met Louis, what would you want to happen?’ Harry gave her a sad smile.

‘I would want him for life. He would be it. The man I’d want to marry, start a family with and grow old with. That’s what I would want.’ Sarah could hear the longing and the pain in his voice. She gave him a sheepish smile.

‘I’ll tell you what? Mitch and I are flying to the UK next week to see my family. My mum has been asking to see Scout so we’re coming over for a few weeks to good old England. How about we go out for dinner and invite Louis hmm? I’d love to meet him.’ Harry was already shaking his head.

‘Jeff won’t let me,’ he said.

‘Oh sod Jeff Harry. Can’t we all have dinner with a friend? Besides, you know how to keep things private when you want or need to. Come on. It will be fun. You know Mitch and I would never do anything to get you in trouble. We’ve done things and been to places that the paps or fans didn’t find out. We can do this. You deserve this,’ Sarah told him with feeling.

‘What’s the use though?’ Harry asked her sadly. ‘It’s not like it can go anywhere. I can’t be with Louis and if Jeff finds out, you know he will make me pay for it by making me stunt harder. I’m so tired of her Sarah. Every time I have to stunt, I want to...’ He sighed heavily and Sarah could see how weary he was.

‘I know it's hard for you Harry but please hang in there. This won’t last forever. It has to end at some point.’

‘There's no end in sight,’ Harry said morosely. ‘I will soon have to start working on a new album. It’s my last with Columbia and I know Jeff is going to milk this tour out of me till the very last drop as will everyone else who’s involved. They know I’m done and that I want to leave. Jeff says we can negotiate a better contract and that I can be myself but. I don’t know. I don’t trust him,’ Harry admitted.

‘You have every reason not to. What do you want to do H? Do you want a new label? New management? New terms and conditions?’ Harry was silent, thinking.

‘I think after this album and tour, I want a long break. I want to disappear.’ Sarah smiled at him.

‘Then that’s what you should do Harry. Put yourself first for once and put your foot down. It’s your life. You’ve given enough of yourself to the world now it's time to collect, put yourself back together and do what it is you want to do.’

‘I want to fall in love. I want to get married. I want to have a baby,’ Harry said dreamily.

‘So you want to quit the music business?’ she asked him. Harry shook his head.

‘No. I want a label and management that won’t closet me. I want to make music. I want to tour. I have years left in me to do the job that I love but I want to be able to bring my husband and my child on tour with me like you and Mitch do with Scout. You are a family on tour. Together. I want normal Sarah. Despite being me, I want a normal life doing what I love. Will my fans hate me that much should I come out? Is my sexuality that important? Why should it even matter? I will still give one hundred percent of me to them. I will still make good music and give good shows. I will take nothing away from them so why would they love me less if I come out?’ Sarah looked at him with pitying eyes.

‘It's not all about you fans H. Many of them I am sure will support you and don't care about your sexuality. They've always seen through your stunts! They never bought any of them. God knows you’re loud enough in your silence and those who want to hear you and see you, they do. And they won’t leave. But unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. This is not about your fans. If you busk in an underground you will still have hordes of fans who will throw their money, love and adoration at you so in that regard you will be fine. This is all about money sweetheart. It's all about image and control. It’s not what you can get out of your management or your label. It’s what they can get out of you. And they get the most by keeping you straight.’ Harry’s face saddened.

‘When my contracts are up, I will need to have a serious think in which direction to take my life. Unless I find management and a label who won’t keep me closeted, I don’t think I’d want to do this any more. It’s not worth it.’

‘Well, you still have time to shop around,’ Sarah told him. ‘Good people still exist H. You just haven’t found them yet.’

‘I guess,’ he said half-heartedly because he doubted if any people with good, genuine intentions existed in this business. A scream from Scout in the background signalled the end of their conversation.

‘The little shit is back at it. I have to go love. We’ll see you in a week. For dinner. With your Louis,’ she teased him. Harry smiled.

‘Shut up. He’s not MY Louis.’

‘He might be,’ Sarah said giving him a wink. ‘Can’t wait to see you H.’

‘Me too. Give Scout a kiss from me and tell your husband I said hi.’

‘Will do,’ Sarah promised and disconnected the call. Harry smiled to himself. He felt better after having spoken with Sarah. He always did when he unburdened himself with Sarah and Mitch. He also felt happy that he was going to invite Louis to dinner. Like a double date! He pulled the handbrake on his thoughts not wanting them to spin out of control. No, it wasn’t a double date! It wasn’t even a single date! He was just inviting a friend to dine with him and his friends that’s all and Harry knew he should be grateful for that. His phone rang and startled him. Harry looked down and groaned. Jeff! Harry had grown to know that when Jeff called it was nothing good. Gone were the days when Jeff used to call and it was all pleasant and friendly. He swiped his phone and put Jeff on speaker as he made himself another cuppa.

‘Good morning Jeff,’ Harry said. He was still on a high and he wanted to cling to it before he was brought crashing down to earth.

‘Why can’t your fans just let it go?’ Jeff asked by way of greeting.

‘Let go of what?’ Harry asked even though he knew Jeff was talking about Louis and shirtgate. Part of him was glad they didn’t let it go because he didn’t want them to let it go, but another part of him knew that he would have to pay for it.

‘This bullshit with this Louis guy and the damned shirt. They’ve made you into a couple! How delusional are they?’ Harry smiled to himself. Bless them, he thought. He sent them out a silent thank you.

‘It will blow over Jeff,’ Harry said as he poured hot water into his mug. He hoped it didn’t!

‘We can’t wait for it to blow the fuck over H. Olivia is livid. Your fans do not want to see her movie not even with you in it! They are all about boycotting that movie! Whereas they are all hyped up about My Policeman!’ Harry smirked to himself. Well if they are boycotting Olivia’s movie it was probably because they could see through the bullshit and were tired of being fed stunts and lies. Jeff and his team were insulting their intelligence and they had every right to be pissed off.

‘Jeff, everyone is entitled to their opinion. They are not obligated to like everything I do,’ Harry argued. Only the Harries seemed too eager to watch Don’t Worry Darling because Olivia teased them with a sneak peek of him eating Florence Pugh on the dinner table! That’s how she was drawing them in. If only his Harries knew what a laugh they had filming that part! How every time he lowered himself between Flo's thighs and his face was close to her thighs, she would break into laughter and wiggle on the table because she was ticklish!

‘You seem to forget how much money has been invested in you Harry,’ Jeff snapped.

‘How can I forget with you reminding me all the time,’ Harry snapped back. They both fell silent then Harry heard Jeff sigh heavily as if he were a parent dealing with a petulant, stubborn child who was throwing a tantrum because he couldn't get what he wanted. Harry felt anger coil deep in his stomach. He hated feeling like this. It threw him off balance.

‘Look, I know you hate this but it's all business okay. Don’t take it too personal,’ Harry scoffed a small laugh.

‘I can’t not take it too personal when it's my life we are talking about Jeff. My life is not just business and stunts and making people money. I deserve to have a life I want to live and...’

‘You knew what you were fucking getting into H when you signed a shitload of contracts. Don’t make me out to be the bad guy here yeah.’

‘I wanted to make music. To tour. To perform. Not to be closeted and made into a personal cash machine. My life is not mine any more Jeff. I have no control over anything,’ Harry argued.

‘You read the terms and conditions. You were made aware of everything...’

‘Not the closeting!’ Harry interrupted him. He was careful to keep himself in check because if he lost control of his temper things would get ugly.

‘You should’ve read between the lines Harry. Where it said that management has the right to control your image. You signed it so stop complaining.’ There was silence on the line again. ‘You are meeting Olivia today. I want you to spend the day together.’

‘What?’ Harry almost shrieked. ‘A whole day? No Jeff.’

‘Its already settled. We have to kill this Louis story that you brought on yourself. It's all on you Harry. So you are going to do what needs to be done. You are going to take Olivia to Bookends. You are going to talk to the god damn librarian. You are going to take that shirt and give it back to him in the presence of Olivia while paps outside take pictures of everything. You are both going to swoon and smile over books and you are going to buy some. Make sure you get something romantic. I don’t know maybe something by the Sparks dude or the Hoover woman. Glenn reads that shit all the time. Let the paps see the titles you are getting. Make sure you act all loved up Harry and shut down this crap with Louis. Then you are going to go for a stroll round Notting Hill. Hold her hand. Smile. Be the romantic boyfriend. Buy her flowers at the Portobello Market. Take her for tea at a quaint little outdoor cafe where you are going to look sickly in love with her. Then later tonight I booked you at The River Cafe. You have an outdoor table to make it easier for paps to get photos of you two. Make it right Harry. Do you understand?’ Harry looked horrified at the phone. He was to take Olivia to Bookends? Parade her in front of Louis? Give back the shirt? Could this get any worse?

‘Harry?’ Jeff barked. ‘Do you understand?’

‘Yes,’ Harry said dryly. ‘I understand perfectly.’ He ended the call without saying goodbye. He stood there in the middle of his kitchen. He had to destroy everything with Louis before he even had a chance to start anything. He had to lie to the man he had taken a liking to and wanted to start something with. He had to kill his feelings once again. He must. He had to. There was no other choice.

Chapter Text

Chapter 10

Harry did not want to do this. Every fiber in his body was against doing it. It was begging him not to do it but his mind was telling him he had to because he had signed contracts and he was under obligation to do it. He had no choice but to do it. Olivia's hand in his felt like a dead weight, heavy and constricting. It felt like a handcuff, cold, tight and binding him. He wanted to let go, to free himself from her clutches but he was indeed bound by his very own signature on documents that if broken would have serious consequences for him.

‘Relax your face,’ Olivia hissed through a happy smile. ‘You look like someone who’s on death row walking to his death instead of walking with his girlfriend.’ She wasn’t lying. Harry felt tense and he could not relax let alone smile and look happy. His feet felt heavy as they walked towards Notting Hill. He dragged them as if they had shackles on them. He didn’t want to do this. His heart was ramming so hard in his chest that it hurt. He could feel a sweat break out all over his body and he knew that Olivia could feel his clammy hand as she tightened here grip on it.

‘Harry, smile,’ Olivia hissed again through her teeth as she kept the happy smile plastered on her face. She looked up at him, putting on her adoring face and heart eyes, smile on her face. ‘You need to look like you’re in love with me for fucks sake. There are people watching us.’ Harry’s face remained unsmiling.

‘I’m trying,’ he told her.

‘Not fucking hard enough,’ she hissed back. ‘Your fans are going to see through this. They are going to pick up that it's not real.’ Harry sighed heavily.

‘They know Olivia,’ Harry said tiredly.

‘They buy what we feed them and if you act a little more like a devoted boyfriend it would be easier for them to swallow. You can act so fucking act Harry. I’m tired of doing everything myself while you sulk like a petulant child. After all, you are going to benefit from this too.’ Harry rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. He didn't need a stunt for publicity! He never needed a stunt to get to where he was and it felt offensive to hear her say it. Harry wanted to pull his hand free from her vice like grip. Her hand in his was sweaty or maybe it was his own hand that was sweaty. He wanted to free his hand and wipe it on his jeans. His poor hand felt as if it was being strangled.

Harry could feel his anxiety stirring at the pit of his stomach, rising and threatening to over come him. He felt panicked. Whenever he stunted he was always under a lot of pressure. He had to have the right face on, the perfect smile, the adoring eyes. He had to remember to smile, to nod, to breathe. There were so many things he had to remember and he usually did. He usually remembered everything he had to do to sell it but today, oh today he couldn’t. Thoughts of Louis filled his mind. He was going to see him shortly and this visit would not be pleasant. Unlike their previous encounters in which Harry had begun to build a little hope that maybe, just maybe he could...

A sharp tug on his hands from Olivia caught him off guard and he stumbled in his steps.

‘For God’s sake Harry. I feel like I’m walking my son not with my boyfriend,’ Olivia hissed. Harry wanted to tell her that maybe that was exactly what she should be doing, spending time with her children instead of wasting time with this farce. Time was precious and Harry always felt like he was wasting a lot of it. There was no bringing back lost time. That was the biggest tragedy of life, wasn't it? Wasted time.

Olivia stopped on a corner and Harry realized that they were on Portobello Road on the exact corner where Harry had emerged a few days ago while being chased, right across the street from Bookends. Harry’s heart sped up as he looked at the beautiful shop with its blue facade that had seen better days but was part of the charm, the window with the table display with the latest hardback releases, the door with the “OPEN” sign ready to greet customers, the little bell that will tinkle over the door once it was pushed open. And Louis. Louis was in there. The man of his dreams was just a few steps away and Harry had come here to shut down any hopes he had dared to dream up these past few days. It had been a lovely daydream but now he had to make Louis believe that he was straight and show off his girlfriend.

Harry didn't want to do this! Louis was so kind and caring. He had a way with Harry that Harry craved. Louis made him feel understood, comfortable and seen for who he truly was and now he had to sever anything that might have started to bloom between them if given the chance. If Louis even liked him a fraction of how much Harry liked him, then Harry was going to hurt him and that didn't sit well with him. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Louis and for what? For fame, fortune, movies, contracts, endorsements and not disappointing people who were making big money off him. Louis had no fault in this matter. He was caught up in all of it by no fault of his own. Yet he was simply because he had made his acquaintance with Harry! Olivia was smiling up at him and squeezing his hand tightly to get his attention.

‘Paps are across the street a bit further down from the bookshop. You look like you're living in a fucking daydream! You're not Julia Roberts and he's not Hugh Grant! Harry, I’m warning you, don’t fuck this up. Jeff, myself and everyone involved in Don't Worry Darling are counting on you so get your head out of the fucking clouds and do what you have to do!’ She flipped her long blonde hair off her shoulder, stood on tiptoes and placed a kiss on Harry’s stubbled cheek knowing that the paps would eat up this unexpected PDA. Harry shuddered. This had not been in the script! She wasn’t supposed to kiss him! What the fuck was she playing at?

‘Don’t!’ Harry hissed at her resting the urge to wipe his cheek where her lips had made contact. He could feely the sticky residue of her lip gloss and it made him gag! Olivia gave him a big smile and shrugged.

‘Jeff said I could improvise if you refuse to behave and I’m improvising. I have the go ahead so I can do what I want Harry.’ She tugged on his hand so he could follow her across the street to the bookshop. His feet didn’t want to follow but they followed her regardless. Olivia pushed open the door, the familiar little bell tinkling announcing their arrival. Harry’s heart hit his toes.

As Harry stepped inside the beautiful, magical shop, with its musty book smell, fresh flowers on the counter and dust motes dancing in the soft shafts of sunlight that entered through the front window, Louis raised his head and their eyes met. Something in Harry’s face must’ve registered with Louis because he didn’t greet him with the usual smile or cheerful voice. Louis gave him a strained smile and a small nod before his eyes travelled to Olivia who was now standing in front of him with Harry just a step behind her. Olivia tightened her hold on his hand and Harry knew that that squeeze she had just given him was a silent warning.

‘Hello,’ Olivia told Louis cheerfully. She was relaxed and confident. A great actress. ‘You must be the owner,’ she continued. ‘I’m Olivia, Harry’s girlfriend.’ She held out her hand to Louis and Louis took it, shaking it stiffly. His heart was thump thumping a little too fast. Seeing Harry always made his heart thump a little faster.

‘Nice to meet you,’ he said in a flat voice. Harry knew that Louis was not happy. He didn’t know how he knew it but he felt rather attuned to Louis. ‘I’m Louis Tomlinson the owner of Bookends. How can I help you?’ Louis kept his eyes fixed on Olivia because if he looked at Harry he was certain that something in him would snap. Upon entrance he had clocked immediately how tense and anxious Harry looked. He looked just about ready to break but Louis reminded himself that it was none of his business. Harry was none of his business and he was definitely not going to make it his business!

‘Well,’ Olivia drawled as with her free hand she played with her hair, ‘Harry said such good things about this bookshop. He brought me here to buy me some books didn’t you darling?’ Olivia asked him looking up at him with adoring eyes as she gave his hand another hard squeeze. Harry cleared his throat as he pushed his sunglasses up on his head. He wanted to see Louis clearly not obscuring his vibrant colours by dark tinted glasses.

‘Yes,’ he merely said and offered Louis a small smile hoping that somehow Louis felt as attuned to him as he did to him and that he would see through this comedy.

Please, Harry begged in his heart, please see me. He wanted Olivia to get out of his way so he could talk to Louis. He wanted to explain so many things to him. Louis kept his eyes steadfastly on Olivia. Please, Harry silently begged. Please look at me. Don't make this harder for me. I need you to look at me and see me. You have no idea how much I need you to see through this. But Louis just smiled at Olivia as if Harry was not even there.

‘Can I help you find something?’ Louis asked her politely. Louis didn’t like her. The moment she walked through the door, Louis felt a dislike for her. He shouldn’t have an opinion on the people Harry dated but this woman made his skin crawl. Maybe he was being biased. Maybe he was jealous. Whatever it was, he didn't like here. Harry was clearly uncomfortable and that made Louis' blood boil. He wanted to slap her hand out of Harry's and tell her to fuck off. Louis surprised himself with this feeling. He was not an aggressive person. He had no claim on Harry. Yet, she irritated him. Olivia smiled wider and Louis prayed for patience.

‘We want something romantic,' she drawled. 'Something we can read to each other before bed. What do you say hun?’ Olivia asked Harry giving him heart eyes. Harry looked at her and gave her a small smile.

‘Anything you want,’ he told her flatly. He saw the flicker of annoyance in her eyes and he knew without a doubt that he was not doing a good job. She was going to tell Jeff and there would be a shit storm but Harry didn't care. He couldn't fake it in front of Louis. Not when Louis was the only person that Harry wanted to reveal his true self to. Olivia turned back to Louis still with that sickening smile plastered on her face.

‘Can you help us find romantic books? Maybe recommend something?’ she asked him sweetly. Louis kept his face neutral. He had peeked a quick look at Harry while he was looking at his girlfriend and Louis could see the pressure and distress of his features.

‘I don’t read those types of novels,’ Louis told her, ‘but I’m sure I can assist you in finding something.’

‘You are so helpful,’ Olivia gushed. She looked at Harry. 'Isn't he helpful darling?' Harry nodded once. A tight nod.

‘I’m just doing my job,’ Louis replied as he stepped out from behind the counter. Harry's eyes took in Louis and felt himself soften on the inside. The more he looked at Louis, the more Harry was certain that this was the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Louis looked soft in a pair of dark blue jeans and short sleeved maroon polo shirt. Harry wanted to wrap himself around him, take that softness into him. Let Louis protect him from the whole world. Olivia squeezed his fingers tightly and Harry was quick to look down at the carpet beneath his feet. She had caught him staring at Louis! Fuck!

‘No, you are really very helpful,' Olivia continued in that squeaky voice of hers that was grating on Louis' last nerve. 'I mean, you helped Harry the other day when he had the accident.' She giggled like a teenager. 'My boy can be such a klutz. Never looks where he’s going because his head is always in the clouds daydreaming,’ she said rolling her eyes trying to look as if she is being a fond girlfriend. Louis felt himself bristle like a porcupine when threatened. His spikes were up and out!

‘No, he’s not,’ Louis heard himself say because he obviously could stop himself. ‘I can assure you if anyone is a klutz, it’s me. It was all my fault. Harry was trying to keep himself safe from his fans and I was the one who wasn’t watching were I was going. I bumped into him and spilled my drinks on him.’ Louis then looked at Harry and Harry saw those beautiful blue eyes turn soft on him like he remembered them. His heart back flipped and sprouted wings . At last Louis was looking at him. ‘I am quite sure that his head is screwed on right,’ Louis told her his eyes never leaving Harry's. He gave Harry a small smile then he turned back to Olivia.

‘Come this way. I will show you to the romance section,’ Louis told them. Olivia followed Louis down an aisle, the strong smell of books tickling her nose and not in a good way. She wasn't a fan of books or bookshops!

Harry sauntered down the aisle after them as if he had wings on his feet. Louis had come to his defence. Louis had protected him again. Louis had shut Olivia down. Harry's heart clapped and cheered!

Louis stopped and both Harry and Olivia stopped simultaneously. Olivia was vexed because she hadn't liked the way Louis had shut her down and defended Harry. She felt like the wicked queen and Louis was some valiant knight in shining armour defending Harry, the damsel in distress against her. She wanted to fucking gag! Harry saw the scowl on her face and knew she wasn't happy because Louis had shut her down. She wasn't used to being shut down. Harry squeezed her hand hard reminding her to smile. He took some pleasure in watching her turn her scowl into a grimace that was meant to be a smile for the paps. Maybe now she would understand how hard it was for him to smile when he didn't want to. Great pleasures in small mercies! Harry thanked the Universe! Louis extended his hand towards a few shelves leaden with books.

‘Okay we have the romance authors here. Anyone in particular you like?’ Louis asked. Olivia shrugged because she couldn’t give two fucks about books. She didn't know any romance authors. She had no favourites. She were only there pretending to be interested in this charade to fix Harry's screw up. She turned to look up at Harry with a sickly sweet smile that made Louis' stomach turn sour. How did Harry stand her?

‘What would you prefer sweetheart?’ she asked him. Harry looked at the various spines of the books and tried to remember which authors Jeff had mentioned. Then he saw one that he knew. Kinda. He pointed to a book.

‘I watched that movie,’ he said to Louis. ‘It was good.’ Olivia rolled her eyes. Louis smiled at him and Harry was certain that his heart was doing the Lambada!

‘You watched The Notebook but didn’t read the book?’ Louis asked him. Harry nodded sheepishly, his cheeks turning pink. Olivia muttered something under her breath which neither Louis nor Harry caught or cared for. They were having a moment and Harry was going to take it.

‘Guilty,’ Harry admitted. Louis tsked and pretended to give him a stern look. Harry swooned.

‘Then you must read The Notebook Harold,' Louis said. 'It is nowhere near the movie. Totally different. It’s so different that there’s the sequel.’ Harry’s eyes went wide and he smiled. Both from the knowledge that there was the sequel to The Notebook and from the fact that Louis had called him Harold. Louis had a nickname for him!

‘Wait. What?' Harry exclaimed. 'There’s a sequel to The Notebook? Don’t Allie and Noah die in The Notebook?’ Olivia huffed. It was irritating how these two were bonding over some fucking stupid book! She hoped that the paps were not getting any of this rom-com shit that was going on in front of her face!

‘That’s morbid not romance,’ she said trying to get back into the conversation. Both Louis and Harry ignored her.

‘They die in the movie but not in the book,’ Louis told him. Harry’s face lit up.

‘Oh my God they don't die? And do you have the sequel?’ Harry asked excitement lacing his voice. Louis turned back to the bookshelf and plucked out another Nicholas Sparks book called The Wedding which he showed to Harry.

‘This is the sequel. Noah and Ellie are very much alive.’ The smile Harry gave Louis was one Louis would never forget for as long as he’d live. It’s was dawn breaking! It was the sun peeking out from behind dark clouds. It was cool fresh air on a hot, suffocating summer day. And Louis couldn’t help smiling back at him.

‘Oh my God!’ Harry exclaimed again as he took both books from Louis' proffered hands. ‘The movie was so sad and here you tell me they lived?’ Louis nodded.

‘They lived. And that should teach you a lesson. The book is always, always better than the movie.’

‘I’ll take them both. I can’t wait to read them,’ Harry gushed. Olivia looked from one to the other not believing what the fuck was happening right in front of her face. She had to rectify this situation immediately. She smiled at Harry and cuddled up to him, her hand sliding into the back pocket of his jeans. It made Harry jump a little when he felt her hand against his ass. He tried to shrug her off but she held on tightly, her fingers digging into his butt cheek. Harry did not like it! She looked at Louis with the biggest smile she could muster as she lay her head against Harry's arm.

‘We’ll take them. I’m going to enjoy hearing Harry reading them out loud to me before bed. He has such a deep, soothing voice. He always lulls me to sleep with his pillow talk,’ she said giving Louis a toothy grin and a wink. Louis kept a small smile on his face while on the inside he felt a sense of detachment and shattered hopes. Harry cringed and had to bite down on his tongue hard to stop himself from telling Louis that she had never slept in his bed! There had never been any pillow talk and that he would definitely NOT be reading these books to her at bedtime. Please don't believe her, Harry silently begged.

Olivia looked looked up at Harry resting her chin against his bicep. ‘Are we done here love? I’m hungry. Can we go and get lunch? You know I get cranky when I'm hungry.’ She placed a kiss on his bicep. Harry’s face clouded over again, his smile which a moment ago had been joyous, slipped off his face replaced by thin lips locked together to hold in his screams. He looked at Louis, an apology in his eyes and words unspoken on his lips.

‘Thank you for the recommendations,’ he told him stiffly. Harry turned and walked down the aisle with Olivia in tow, her hand still stuffed into the back pocket of his jeans, her fingers brushing his ass every time he walked. Harry wanted to dislodge her hand, slap it away. It was too intimate. Too personal. They stopped at the counter and Louis stepped behind it. He took the books from Harry and cashed them up. He put them in a bag. Harry gave him his card and Louis did the transaction. He gave the card back to Harry.

'Your receipt is in the bag,' he said using his businesslike tone. 'Thank you for visiting Bookends. Have a good day.' Harry wanted to scream. His Louis had switched off. Harry took the bag in his trembling hand and was about to turn away and walk out the door when Olivia tugged on his back pocket.

‘Don’t you have something to give to Mr. Tomlinson darling?’ she said sweetly. Harry was hoping she would not remember but she had. Of course she would. Harry looked at Louis then put his hand inside his Pleasing shoulder bag (because obviously he had to carry around a Pleasing bag!! He was after all a walking advertisement!) and brought out the baby blue shirt neatly folded. Harry had taken much care in folding it nicely and with love. He put it on the counter between them, one of his palms splayed over it protectively.

‘Thank you for the shirt,’ Harry said stiffly. ‘I didn’t have time to dry clean it. Sorry.’ Harry wanted to tell him that he hadn’t dry cleaned it on purpose so every time he wore it, he would smell that beautiful smell that now he associated with Louis. It was embedded in his sinus. Harry hoped that Louis would smell him too on his shirt. He hoped that Louis would wear it and smell him on it too just like he had. Louis gave him a small smile.

‘Don’t worry about it.’ Louis reached out at the same time that Harry slid the folded shirt towards him. Their fingers brushed ever so slightly but it was enough to make Harry let out an agonized sigh and for their eyes to meet over the blue shirt. Harry pulled his hand away quickly afraid that the moment would be captured by on of the pap's cameras, but his fingers itched to reach out and snatch it back, grab it and press it to his chest. He wanted to keep it but he wasn’t allowed to.

‘Honey, can we go?’ Olivia whined like a petulant, spoilt child. ‘I’m starving. And you promised to buy me flowers.’ She gave him a toothy smile. Harry nodded.

‘Thank you,’ he told Louis again. Louis simply nodded. They had nothing more to say to each other. This was it. The end. Harry and Olivia turned and began walking towards the door, Olivia chatting happily to Harry as she snuggled up against him. It was as Louis watched them go that he noticed people outside pressed up against his window taking pictures of them with professional cameras. Had Lionel been right about paps being called to take pictures of the couple?

The door opened. The bell tinkled. Harry and Olivia walked out. The bell tinkled again and the door closed quietly. Harry did not look back. He held Olivia’s hand and the Bookends bag in the other and walked away with his back straight, eyes forward. Like a mannequin.

Chapter Text

Chapter 11.

That evening Louis sat on Liam and Zayn's sofa and sipped his glass of red wine, his mind far away from the cosy living room and his friends that were sitting around chatting amiably. He couldn't get Harry's face out of his mind. How downtrodden he looked, how lost he seemed. Louis had avoided looking at him because whenever he stole a quick glance at him, he could see his eyes were begging for something and Louis felt frustrated with himself for not knowing what Harry needed. But even if he did know, what could he do? The man had come into his shop with his girlfriend. Maybe they'd had a row before that came to his shop. Louis wondered if he should've said something but what could he have said? He and Harry weren't friends. He didn't even know what was going on in Harry's life so how could he have said anything? Yet, his lack of saying something when Harry had clearly been distressed was eating him up inside. Zoey kicked his foot.

‘What’s eating you Gilbert Grape?’ she asked him as she kicked him again. Louis startled and looked at Zoey who was grinning at him. Gilbert Grape indeed!

‘Fuck off Zoey,’ Louis told her as he took a gulp of his wine. Anya looked at him and placed a hand on his knee comfortingly.

‘What’s worrying you? And don’t say you’re not cause you are. I can tell you are. I can hear you over thinking whatever it is.’ Louis looked down. He really couldn't hide from his friends. Sometimes it was annoying that he couldn't even wallow in his own feelings but on the other hand...on the other hand he felt blessed that they cared enough to see when he was troubled and were there for him.

‘It's nothing. I’m fine,’ he said. Zoey groaned loudly.

‘Change your mantra bro. No one believes you. Not when you look like THAT!’ she said as she drained her wine glass. ‘Liam, we are running out of fuel out here and I have a feeling we are going to need a shit load of it because Gilbert Grape is having a crisis.’ Louis kicked her in the ankle.

‘Oi didn’t I just say I’m fine?’ he snapped at her. 'And stop calling me Gilbert Grape. His problems and mine are not the same.'

'Ha!' Zoey yelled startling them all. 'You just admitted that you have a problem. I was right!' Louis groaned and let his head rest back against the sofa. Gianna curled up on his other side tucking her feet under her.

‘And don’t you know we’re your friends and know when you’re bullshitting us? Haven’t you learned that by now?’ Louis scowled but said nothing. He kept looking at the ceiling but all he could see were Harry's sad eyes. Those beautiful greens shouldn't look so sad. They were meant to sparkle with mirth and conversation that tickled his soul. Zayn and Liam entered the living room carrying two platters of finger foods which they placed on the coffee table and two bottles of wine. Zayn looked at Louis.

‘What’s up Lou Lou?’ he asked trying to mask his concern with the fond pet name. Louis raised his head, looked at Zayn and rolled his eyes dramatically.

‘Why must you all keep asking me the same bloody question? I’m fine. Nothings up. I’m good.’ Liam placed coasters on the coffee table and sat on the sofa next to Zayn opposite Anya, Louis and Gianna. Zoey sat in the armchair. He smiled at Louis.

‘We're just worried about you,’ Liam told him kindly.

‘There’s nothing to be worried about,’ Louis insisted. ‘I’m alright. Really.’ Liam smiled at him warmly.

‘If you say so then that’s fine but Lou, you know we’ve been with you through your worst time...’

‘Liam please,’ Louis interrupted him softly. He looked down at his lap because his eyes were burning but he would not cry. He had made a promise to himself after the divorce had been finalized that he would not cry any more. At least not in front of his friends and family. Crying alone while curled up on the bathroom floor did not count. Or did it? Anya patted his thigh.

‘We saw what was on twitter,’ she told him. Louis swallowed thickly.

‘Just...don’t,’ Louis said in a broken voice. He hated when his voice broke. He hated that his friends had to see him like this again.

‘Harry Styles fans can be brutal,’ Zoey commented more to herself than to the others in the room. ‘They can make you or they can break you.’ Zayn shot her a warning look. ‘What?’ she asked.

‘Can you be a little sensitive to Louis’ situation?’ Zayn asked her.

‘I only stated....’

‘Yes, we heard your statement,’ Zayn cut her off. ‘It's not what Louis needs to hear right now.’ He turned to Louis and topped up his glass with wine. ‘Talk,’ Zayn told him. Louis lifted his head ready to protest but Zayn was already speaking over him.

‘I swear to God Louis, if you say that you’re fine one more time, I'll clock you.’ Zayn leaned forward across the coffee table and looked into Louis’ eyes. ‘Talk.’ Louis shook his head at himself.

‘Its...its quite stupid actually,’ he said tapping his index finger against the stem of his wine glass nervously. He chuckled but said nothing further because he wanted to save himself the embarrassment. He didn’t like how everyone in the room was silent waiting for him to elaborate and spill his guts. He had no problem doing that with his friends. He had done it countless times before when he was going through the divorce and after but this...this thing was ridiculous. He had no right to feel put out just because Harry Styles came into his shop with his girlfriend. But it had irritated him. SHE had irritated him.

‘Is it because of your boy?’ Zoey asked because she had no filter and got down to the point. All eyes in the room turned on her except Louis' of course. He kept his gaze down lest they see his flaming cheeks. Zoey was the most intuitive one of them and she never sugar coated her words. Louis loved and hated that about her in equal measure.

‘Seriously?’ Zayn asked her.

‘What?’ Zoey replied. ‘I too would feel like shit if Harry fucking Styles brought his girlfriend to my shop parading her right under my nose! Oh don’t look at me like that! Stop tiptoeing around him and treating him like he’s made of delicate china! He survived Jordan, an emotional tsunami of epic proportions that nearly killed him and look at him a year later! He’s alive, healthy and befriended Harry Styles! Albeit pining over him but that's besides the point. He’s tough aren’t you Lou?’ For a moment Louis didn’t say anything then he sighed heavily. He loved Zoey.

‘I’m not stupid you know. Harry is not MY boy Zoey. Like you said, he has a girlfriend and...’

‘He has a beard,’ Gianna interrupted him. ‘That man is closeted.’

‘I second that,’ Anya said as she lifted her wineglass for Gianna to clink. They clinked their glasses in front of Louis' face.

‘Whatever he is it’s none of our business,' Louis snapped. ‘Why is everyone obsessed with his sexuality? He’s there to entertain people not to have his sexual orientation made a spectacle of. Whether he’s straight or closeted, it’s no one’s fucking business,’ Louis said heatedly.

‘Wow,’ Zoey said grinning at him like the Cheshire Cat. ‘Protective much?’ Louis groaned.

‘I’m not being protective okay. I’m not stupid to think that Harry and I could become buddies...’

‘Or fuck buddies!’ Zoey said as she waggled her eyebrows at Louis. Gianna threw a cushion at her smacking her right in the face. Zoey threw it back at her. Before Gianna could throw it back at her, Anya snatched it away from her and put it on the floor.

'Grow up you two,' she said.

‘Give it a rest Zoey,’ Liam chided her. ‘Let Louis talk. And don't spill wine on that armchair. We just had it reupholstered.' Zoey reached out to squeeze Louis' hand.

‘Sorry Lou,’ Zoey apologized. ‘I’m just teasing you. I hate to see you sad. Sad doesn’t suit you. After what fuck face put you through, I can’t and won’t stand to see someone else hurt you not ever Harry fucking Styles.’ Louis gave her a small smile.

‘I know and I appreciate it but I’m a little bit sensitive right now. It’s not the whole Harry thing though. Really it’s not that.’

‘Then what is it?’ Zayn asked him kindly. Louis swallowed around the lump in his throat.

‘Harry’s fans found pictures of me and Jo. Seeing them, seeing him all over my twitter just...it just brought back so many feelings I thought I had overcome and moved on from. Its been a year for fucks sake. He’s moved on from me and the life we had for certain. Jo has never been the type to wallow. I should be over him but all this has brought him back and I...’ Louis choked on his words. He hated this. He hated that he was breaking down in front of his friends again after all this time over Jordan. Yes, they loved him but he felt like he was letting them down because they had worked so hard to help him through the divorce. They had sacrificed so much to make sure he was never lonely and here he was breaking down again. Over Jordan! His heart felt like it was breaking all over again. Anya and Gianna who were sitting on either side of him cuddled closer to him as if they wanted to keep him from falling apart.

‘I’m sorry,’ Louis mumbled. He sniffed and took a healthy gulp of wine.

‘Sorry for what?’ Liam asked him. ‘There’s nothing to be sorry for. You were triggered and its alright to feel the way that you are feeling. It’s understandable. It’s like ripping a band aid off an unhealed wound. It would rip the scab off and the skin beneath would break and bleed all over again. It’s alright Lou. We got you.’ Louis felt more tears build behind his eyes. His throat worked painfully trying to swallow them. His vision went a little blurry.

‘Is that all it is though?’ Zayn asked him softly. ‘Is Harry playing any part in your emotional break down?’ Louis scoffed.

‘As if he’s someone I should be having an emotional break down over,’ he said and it came out sounding a little bit much more bitter than he cared to. He remembered Harry’s girlfriend, how she was all over him and it made his stomach contract and clench down on empty. ‘He’s taken and even if he weren’t, he isn’t gay. And if he were, he’s Harry Styles for fuck sake. He wouldn’t go for the likes of me.’ Zayn slid forward in his seat bringing himself closer to Louis.

‘First of all, I will not let you self deprecate in my living room. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Second of all, Harry Styles despite being Harry Styles, is also a man. Just a man. He might be taken. He might not be gay. Whatever his situation is, from what I heard from his mouth when he was here, is not a good one. Maybe he needs a friend outside his circle. He did sound pretty miserable if I’m to be honest,’ Zayn observed.

‘I thought so too,’ Anya agreed. ‘When he was talking, it’s like he wanted to say more but couldn’t. There’s like a sadness to him which he wears like a cloak’ Anya squeezed Louis’ knee. ‘If Harry were gay...’

‘He is,’ Zoey interrupted calmly.

‘You can't tell for sure,’ Liam contradicted her.

‘Pff,’ Zoey said. ‘He might gay or at least Bi but one thing is for sure. That man is definitely not straight. The way he looked at our Lou.’ Louis raised his head and looked at her.

‘How did he look at me?’ he asked hating how he sounded hopeful and irritated at himself for the spark he felt stir in his heart.

‘Like you hung the fucking moon, stars and the sun in the sky! Like he wants to write songs about you. Like you’re his muse. He looked at you with eyes full of hope Lou. He likes you,’ Zoe told him. Louis scoffed and looked down again.

‘You should’ve seen him with his girlfriend this morning at the shop. He looked...’

‘Miserable as fuck!’ Gianna interrupted him. ‘Are you referring to these pics?’ she asked as she shoved her phone in Louis’ face which showed pictures of Harry and Olivia inside Bookends. Harry looked serious and kinda sad. ‘And who the fuck would have paps taking pictures of you while choosing books with your girlfriend? Trust me Louis. They wanted to be seen there to shut the fans up about you and Harry because mate, Larry Stylinson is still trending.’ Louis shook his head as if Gianna’s words meant nothing.

‘His fans make a big deal out of everything,’ Louis remarked. ‘They do that to him all the time. They see things that are not there and make an issue of it.’ Gianna huffed and scrolled on her Twitter showing Louis some more pics of Harry and Olivia walking hand in hand in Notting Hill.

‘Look!’ she exclaimed shoving her phone in Louis’ face one again. ‘He can’t even hold her hand properly! Does he even know how to hold her hand properly? I think he does but doesn’t want to. That's why his fans know that this isn't a real relationship. Anyone with a pair of eyes and a little common sense can see that. Come on Lou, you're not stupid. Does this look like a normal relationship to you?’ She scrolled to more pictures of them: Harry buying her tulips at a flower stand at the market, Olivia giving him heart eyes and a huge smile while he looked as if he was praying for a meteor to hit him, pictures of them sitting at an outdoor cafe drinking tea and coffee, Olivia all over him and Harry looking serious and detached. ‘Look at them Lou. Can you seriously tell me that they are a real couple? He looked like he’s regretting all his life choices since he was pushed out of his mother’s womb. Give the guy a break! Look at him! He probably hasn’t heard a word that cunt said. He’s probably thinking of you!’ Gianna said as she nudged him in the ribs.

‘Ouch,’ Louis protested.

‘There’s more where that came from unless you get your head out of your ass and open your eyes. This relationship is a business transaction and I would bet both my kidneys that Harry fucking Styles is closeted and has his eyes set on you.’ Louis shook his head vehemently.

‘I refuse to think about it,’ Louis insisted. ‘I won’t. I will not put myself up for disappointment again.’ Gianna was about to say something but Liam shook his head at her and she closed her mouth knowing better than to push Louis.

‘Lou,’ Liam said softly, ‘we know you’re hurting because of all this. Just remember that’s what meant to happen will happen regardless of what you do or don’t do just as what’s not meant to happen won’t. We don’t know Harry’s situation. He is probably bound by too many contracts but if he needs a friend and his soul chose you, then you hardly have a say in it. Soul connections are real. Remember that. Now, who’s ready to eat?’ Liam asked closing the subject because he could not bear the pain on Louis’ face any longer. The subject of Harry Styles was officially closed unless Louis wanted to talk about it.

'I think I'm going to head home,' Louis said quietly. His friends all looked at each other but it was Zayn who spoke up.

'Don't you want to eat?' he asked him in a soft voice. Louis shook his head.

'I don't have much of an appetite,' Louis said as he put his empty glass on the table and stood up. Zayn and Liam stood up too.

'We don't want you to go,' Liam said. 'You're in no state...'

'Li,' Louis interrupted him. 'It's not the same as I was with Jordan. I'm not broken. I'm just bruised and as much as I hate to admit it, I bruise easily. It will pass. I just need some alone time. I promise, I'm okay.' Zayn smiled at him and nodded.

'Alright. Whatever you need.' He hugged Louis tightly. 'We got you okay. Remember that. Whatever it is, we got you,' Zayn said in his ear. And one by one his friends formed a circle around them and joined in a big group hug with Louis right in the middle. He felt loved and secure and he knew he would be alright. They walked Louis to the door all his friends telling him they loved him. Before Zayn closed the door behind Louis, he called out:

'Text me as soon as you get home alright.' Louis waved at him and walked away from the house. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and began the short walk to his home. He walked past the garden and he was tempted to enter but he was not ready to face the memories of having Harry here. He had never brought anyone here. Harry had been the first and he was not ready to sit on his bench and remember how Harry has sat next to him. No, tonight he would skip the garden and go straight home.

*

Finally Harry was allowed to go home. As he unlocked his front door and bid goodnight to his bodyguard, he slipped inside his quiet home and closed the door behind him. He rested his back against the door and let out a heavy breath. It had been a long day of stunting. A long day of being told by Olivia that he wasn't good enough. A long day of having Jeff call him and tell him to smile more, interact with Olivia more, look more like her boyfriend. It took a lot out of Harry, this mental stress. His anxiety was having a field day playing on his emotions and whispering words that made him feel like shit.

He knew that he could do better but the fact of the matter was, he didn't want to. He was tired of playing someone he was supposed to be. He forgot what it was to be himself because of the public persona he had to play. He had buried his true self so deeply he didn't know himself any more but now...after having met Louis, his true self was beginning to come out. It was struggling against all odds to be free but Harry knew that he had to keep it locked down.

He allowed himself a small smile when he thought of Louis. Louis was the only bright thing in his life at the moment and he had probably ruined it all. He pushed himself away from the door and went upstairs. He put the Bookends bag on his bed and quickly took a hot shower trying to wash away the ridiculousness of the day he had just spent parading around London with Olivia. It was embarrassing. The whole concept of needing a beard in 2024 was absurd and embarrassing.

He stepped out of the shower and walked naked into his bedroom drying himself off as he did. He flopped down on his bed and realized he wanted to be with Louis in that beautiful hidden garden, talking and listening to Louis speak about his life and books and authors. The cadence of Louis' voice calmed Harry's anxiety and he needed that. He looked at the bag. There was an email beneath the shop's telephone number. He could email him. But what if the email was a business email and Lionel had access to it? Harry knew he couldn't risk that. He wished he had Louis' mobile phone number and they could talk or text or face time in the privacy of their homes. But he didn't.

Harry got up off the bed, put on a pair of briefs and slipped beneath his duvet. He dipped his hand inside the Bookends bag and pulled out The Notebook and The Wedding. He looked at them both and smiled as he remembered what Louis had told him about how the books were always better than the movie. He put The Wedding on his bedside table, made himself comfortable and cracked open The Notebook. Tonight he would spend it with Noah, Ellie and thoughts of Louis.

Chapter Text

Chapter 12.

When Harry woke up the next day, he purposefully ignored his phone. He had stayed up late reading The Notebook and was nearly finished with it. Upon opening the first page, he had been sucked into the novel and was reluctant to put it down. Louis was right. It was very different from the movie and Harry had fallen sleep with the lampshade on and the book on his chest. He hoped that there were no messages or missed calls from Jeff because today he planned on staying home doing nothing but reading. He felt light and happy, his heart warm and full and he wanted to carry this feeling with him and not let Jeff shatter this little cocoon of happiness he had found.

He whistled as he padded downstairs. Book in hand and made a beeline for the kitchen. He flipped on the kettle and waited for it to boil. Once it boiled, he made himself a cup of tea, picked up his book off the kitchen island where he had put it and opened the door to the garden. It was spring and his garden was beautiful. It was blooming. The grass was green and the flowers were colourful and plenty. He made a mental note to call the gardener to have him plant some more flowers. Sunflowers. He wanted sunflowers in his garden. He smiled to himself as he settled on one of his lounge chairs in the shade and took a sip of hot tea. Life felt wonderful this morning.

A rustling beneath the bushes close to the patio caught his attention. Harry raised his eyes from his book and saw the black cat that occasionally visited him emerge from beneath the bushes. Harry couldn't keep a cat of his own as much as he loved them. His lifestyle didn't permit him to keep pets so he had kinda adopted this stray beauty that visited him frequently. Harry had called it Kuro. Harry smiled as he remembered Sir Stanley LeRoy and how possessive he was of Louis. Never had he ever in his life envied a cat so much. He too desired to be possessive of Louis. Kuro meowed. He didn't like that this mortal ignored him. After all, this human should be thankful that he visited him and alleviate his loneliness. Humans were never grateful!

'Good morning Kuro,' Harry called out as he put his book down. The cat sat a few feet away from Harry and eyed him with impassive golden eyes. 'How are you this morning?' The cat kept looking at Harry with those unimpressed eyes and a sense of superiority that made Harry want to bow his head to the imperial feline. Harry smirked at the feline.

'What? Should I call you Prince Kuro now? Alright your royal highness Prince Kuro, how are you on this fine day?' The cat still glared at him as if Harry was an imbecile. Harry sighed. 'You should meet up with Sir Stanley you know. You both have a lot in common like looking down your cute noses at people. Wait here. I have something for you.' Harry heaved himself out of his lounge chair and went inside. He came back out with a small saucer in his hand which he put down next to his lounger. Harry wanted the cat to come closer. He wanted to pet it and cuddle it.

'Here you go Prince Kuro, only the best for you. Cat meals made in the Cotswolds. Nothing but fresh ingredients for you to help support your growth and keep you healthy.' The cat looked from the saucer to Harry then back to the saucer uncertain if he should approach. Harry put his hands on his hips.

'Take it or leave it. I am not going to hurt you. I am going to sit down and read my book and I will leave you to consider your options. The choice is yours. Make wise decisions Kuro.' Harry sat back down on his lounger, picked up his book and his tea and commenced to read all the while sneaking peeks at Kuro who was still sitting there deciding whether to approach this goof ball that talked to him as if he expected an answer and eat the good food laid out for him or just fuck it all and go hunt a mouse or a bird. But the food laid out from him by this six foot clumsy oaf.

After a while, Kuro gave in and slowly walked towards the saucer next to Harry's lounger and he descended on the food, gulping it in and thanking this idiotic human for the rather good food that it had provided. Not that Kuro would ever show this human his gratitude but he was grateful. Harry smiled to himself and continued reading. When the saucer was empty, Kuro padded a few feet away, cleaned himself and sprawled out in a patch of sun. Together, Harry and Kuro enjoyed the morning sunshine in companionable silence.

Their peace was interrupted by a commotion inside Harry's kitchen. Harry put his legs down and got up to see what was going on. Kuro darted from his spot in the sun where he had been sleeping and disappeared into the bushes. Before Harry had time to enter the kitchen, Jeff opened the patio doors and stepped out looking like a raging bull.

'Why don't you ever answer your god damn phone Harry?' Jeff bellowed.

'Good morning to you too,' Harry said as he settled back on the lounge chair. He had a feeling that his peace was broken.

'Cut the shit H,' Jeff barked. Harry huffed.

'What did I do now?' he asked. He tried to sound nonchalant but his heart was jack rabbiting in his chest and his mind was whirling wondering what he could've done to make Jeff so angry. Jeff sat down in the lounger next to Harry's, his face rather red.

'Have you been online or do you simply not give a fuck?' Jeff asked him. Harry looked at him and even though he tried to be his own man, he was afraid of Jeff.

'No I haven't. I slept in and then I was reading,' Harry said. Jeff snorted.

'Of course! You couldn't give a shit about others can you?' Harry sat up straighter. He didn't like Jeff's insinuations.

'What do you mean I don't care about others? Of course I do! How can you say that when all I do is care what others think or what others need?' Harry was feeling angry now because he didn't deserve this.

'Take a look at your social media Harry,' Jeff said flatly. Harry was scared now. Had he been caught? But caught doing what? He hadn't done anything except...He grabbed his phone off the small table by his lounger and went to his Twitter. So many photos of him and Olivia. Photos at Bookends. There were some of Louis too inside his shop talking to them and looking gorgeous. There were photos of him and Olivia walking in the streets, him buying her flowers, at the cafe, at dinner. He had to admit that he didn't look like the loved up boyfriend he was supposed to be and who was spending a relaxing day with his beautiful girlfriend. Was that was this was all about? That he hadn't looked like the perfect boyfriend? Harry looked at Jeff.

'I know I didn't look like...'

'It's not about how you looked though you could've smiled and acted like you were enjoying yourself. It's not about that. Go to the fucking hashtag that hasn't stopped trending since you went to that fucking bookshop.' Harry could see that Larry Stylinson was still trending. With trembling hands he tapped on the hashtag. He was scared of what he would see.

The pictures were dark and grainy, the figures hardly recognizable walking in the dark deserted street but Harry's heart leapt in his throat. It was him and Louis walking back from his friend's house the night of Iris's birthday. They were walking close to each other. Harry's heart sank. So someone had spotted them after all. There were a few more pictures of them walking but thankfully there were none of them standing outside the garden gates. Or entering!

'I told you to fucking stay away from him,' Jeff said angrily. 'The stunt today with Olivia meant nothing because someone released these pictures just when the stunt pictures were released just so they could fucking debunk it!'

Harry began reading the tweets.

@bookwormlarry I was not going to put up these pics but I had to when I saw the stunt pics all over my timeline. Holivia is utter bullshit. Larry is real. #larrystylinson #nostunts #freeharry

@hoiliviaisreal @bookwormlarry you can't even tell who's in those pictures! Harry is with Olivia. They are happy together can't you see that? Stop making up shit where there isn't any!! #holiviaisreal

@bookwormlarry @holiviaisreal I was there. I fucking saw them with my own two eyes you dumb bitch! It was Harry and Louis. And if you look closely you don't need to see their faces to know its them. Fuck off. #larrystylinson #nostunts #holiviaisfakeasfuck #freeharry

@HarrysDimples @bookwormlarry it's them clearly. Larry is so fucking real. @holiviaisreal go get your eyes checked!!

@tpwk @bookwormlarry you shouldn't have shared these pictures. Clearly it was a personal moment. Also these pictures will get Harry into trouble and you know they will make him stunt more. #nostunts #freeharry #larryisreal

@bookwormlarry @tpwk I wasn't going to share them but since all this bullshit of a stunt is all over my timeline I just had to.

@HaroldisKing @harrystyles @tommobookends you look so cute together. Secret date? #larrystylinson #larryisreal #freeharry

@perknel what in the fuck did I wake up to?

@bookwormlarry @perknel can you confirm that the person walking with @harrystyles is your buddy @tommobookends?

@holiviaisreal going after people close to @tommobookends to prove a point that is not real. You're an embarrassment to @harrystyles No wonder he hates you all and he stopped communicating with you.

@toomuchofafan @holiviaisreal oh fuck off you delusional bitch. If anyone is embarrassing @harrystyles it's you. Fans like you are the ones keeping him in the closet. #larryisreal

@perknel @bookwormlarry first of all @tommobookends is not my “buddy”. He is my friend and my boss. Second of all, how do you expect me to confirm when I can't see a damn thing in those pictures? And even if I could see who the person walking with @harrystyles is do you expect me to tell you? Maybe it was me ;) What would our ship name be?

@popapop @perkynel it would be invisible.

@perknel @popapop that doesn't fit our names!!

@popapop @perknel exactly! Invisible! Bye bitch!

@perkynel @popapop I just gave you the bird just so you know! #rude

Harry put his phone down. He kept his eyes down. They had been caught.

'It's not my fault,' he said quietly. 'I didn't do anything.' Jeff let out a sarcastic laugh.

'You didn't do anything? Are you fucking kidding me H? I told you to stay the fuck away from him...'

'I don't want to stay away from him!' Harry cut in, his voice loud and agitated. For a moment there was silence. Harry looked at Jeff. 'I...Can I have a friend that's not in the business?' Harry asked on a quieter tone, his tone verging on pleading.

'Don't patronize me Harry. You're not after a friendship and you know that can't happen. Tell me exactly what happened that night because I don't want anymore fucking surprises. I need to know what you did and where you went so I can be ready for anything that might end up splashed all over twitter.' Harry chewed on his bottom lip because Jeff was going to be livid and Harry knew that he would have to stunt harder for this but he would do it. For Louis he would do it. He would smile and look happy. He would cuddle Olivia and even kiss her in public. He didn't care. He would do it if it meant getting time with Louis.

'I went to the shop after hours,' Harry said. 'I waited until closing time and Louis was alone. I was careful...'

'Apparently not careful enough and you would be incredibly stupid if you thought that every move you make would go by unnoticed. What else? And don't leave anything out,' Jeff said. Harry sighed heavily and unhappily.

'Louis took me to his friend's house. It was his sister's birthday dinner.' Jeff ran his hands through his hair.

'Oh for fucks sake Harry are you stupid? You went to his friend's house? Did they take any pictures?' Jeff asked his his voice annoyed and laced with anger.

'Yes they did but they are not going to post anything. They are good people,' Harry told him. Jeff looked at him with an equal measure of pity and scorn.

'Are you that naive? Really? Are you? Do you know how much a candid picture of you would go for if they sold it to the tabloids? They could get rich off you!' Jeff yelled.

'They are not like that!' Harry yelled back. 'Not everyone is like you Jeff!' When the words left his mouth, Harry realized what he had said and snapped his mouth shut. However, he wasn't going to apologize. He was going to stand his ground. Jeff looked at him as if Harry was someone he didn't know.

'Wow,' Jeff said. 'I'm only looking out for you Harry,' Jeff told him making sure to infuse his voice with fake hurt making sure to guilt trip Harry. Harry knew Jeff's tactics and he wasn't going to fall for it. He was doing nothing wrong. He deserved to have a life outside his public persona.

'You are looking out for yourself and your pockets,' Harry told him in a calmer voice. Jeff's face was suffused with hidden anger but he was going to play the pity card. He knew how to play on Harry's emotions.

'Is that what you think?' Jeff asked him softly and sadly.

'It's what it is,' Harry replied not taking the bait. 'I know your family is very deep in debt and that I am your winning card out of the mess your father is in.' Jeff leaned in closer to Harry.

'My family has been nothing but good to you. My mother stepped in to be your mother when your own mother...' Jeff stopped. Harry grimaced at the words. Oh Shelli had stepped in alright.

'Your mother was just protecting your most valuable asset,' Harry said coldly. 'I am not as naive as you think I am Jeff.' It wasn't in Harry to be like this but he was tired. He was tired of being used, pushed, pulled and shoved in ways that benefited others while his own needs were going by unnoticed. Jeff continued to conceal his anger determined to riddle Harry with guilt and break him down. He put on a sad face that made Harry's guilt stir in his stomach. Harry tamped it down. Not today bitch, not today!

'I thought we were friends,' Jeff said softly. Harry knew it was all an act. Jeff was playing on his emotions all the while tightening the noose around his neck.

'I thought so too,' Harry said, his tone emotionless. Jeff sighed.

'Harry, I am looking out for you can't you see that? My father doesn't need you to help him through his financial situation.'

'Doesn't he?' Harry asked raising an eyebrow at Jeff, challenging him. 'That being said then he wouldn't mind ending my contract after the release of my last album won't he? I will be leaving Columbia and Full Stop Management. I'm sure he won't have an issue with that since he doesn't need me to pay his debts.'

'Come on now,' Jeff said, 'let's not be hasty. You're family.'

'And family are the ones that fuck you over the worst Jeff. I'm done alright. I don't want to stay closeted anymore. I don't want to be used anymore. I want creative freedom. I want to decide for myself. I want to have a say in my own life. If your father does not need me then we don't have a problem do we?' Harry said. Jeff looked at him really hard. His eyes taking in Harry as if for the first time. Then the mask fell off.

'You will do as you're told Harry. We can sue you for all you're worth and you will end up with nothing. Your mother will lose her house and all her privileges. Your sister will lose her podcast and any endeavour she might venture in like her new brand of sunglasses. Yes, dear Anne called me to get you to wear Gemma's sunglasses! Even your own mother and sister want to use you! So think about it really hard Harry because you will all end up with nothing. It's not a good time to start a war you will lose since Gemma is pregnant. They will hate you if you take away their comfortable lifestyle just because you want to indulge in a fairytale! This is real life H, not one of your romantic novels. Think about the consequences of your actions Harry. We own you. Remember that!'

Jeff leaned in closer into Harry's space, his face close to his. 'We have plans for you after your last album and tour. A Vegas residency. Big artists all get a Vegas residency. Dad is investing in a new arena too and you will be headlining it. You will do all this for my family. For all the kindness my father has shown you. You should be fucking thankful. He made you who you are today! All you have is because of him. All that your family has is because of him and it would serve you well to remember that. Now I need all the names of the people who were in that house you went to. I need to draw up NDA's. We don't need any more of your shit splashed out on the media. You will stay in fucking line Harry. You leave for LA next week to start promoting Don't Worry Darling with Olivia and the rest of the cast. Take one step out of line H and you will be fucking sorry you did.' Jeff kept looking at him as if challenging him to say something, to contradict him or fight back, but Harry said nothing. He swallowed all that Jeff had just said and remained stiff looking at the backdoor instead of Jeff because he could not look at him. When had his life become this prison?

Without another word, Jeff got up off the lounger, turned and walked into the house leaving Harry alone. As soon as the backdoor closed, Harry sagged against the lounger thankful that he was already sitting down because he was ready to collapse. He just wanted to make music! He just wanted to enjoy his talent, share it with people and make them happy. That's all he ever wanted. But now it seemed it had fallen on him to pay the Azoff's large amount of debts. Then he remembered that Mitch and Sarah were coming the following week and they wanted to meet up for dinner and meet Louis. And Jeff had told him that he had to fly to LA! Harry started to internally panic because this dinner had been the anchor for his sanity. If he had to cancel...No! He wouldn't cancel! He had to invite Louis. He had to talk to Louis! He had to see Louis but he had no idea how. If another picture of him anywhere near Notting Hill surfaced on social media, Jeff would have his head. There was a lot to lose if he stepped out of line, not just for himself but for his family too and with Gemma expecting, he couldn't mess things up for them.

Harry put his head in his hands and tried to breathe through his panic attack just like his therapist had taught him to do. Deep breath in, hold for a count, then exhale. But he couldn't draw breath. He felt as if he was suffocating. Gasping. Drowning. His throat felt like a noose tightening around his neck. His diaphragm was refusing to function properly. His chest felt like it was being compressed. His lungs felt depressurised and desperate for air. His airways were so tight they stubbornly refused air passage.

Then Harry felt something warm and furry brush up against him. Harry raised his head and saw Kuro rubbing his tiny black head against his arm, nudging him gently. Harry straightened up and Kuro jumped on his lap insistently draping himself across Harry's thighs, anchoring him. Kura began to purr loudly and the soothing vibrations travelled through Harry, the frequency immediately calming him down. He took in a lung full of air and exhaled. His hand found its way into Kuro's thick fur and he let his fingers run through the feline's fur as it continued to purr, , calming Harry and giving him just what he needed to get through his panic attack. Harry was finally able to breathe and to think. How was he going to do this? How was he going to talk to Louis? He had to think of some way. And fast. He looked down at Kuro who was still sitting on his thighs.

'Thank you,' he whispered. Kuro looked up at him and blinked slowly, lazily, its whiskers twitching softly in the breeze. Humans, the feline thought, annoying, complicated and stupid but I like this one.

*

Louis' phone kept pinging. And pinging. Notifications kept coming in but he was ignoring them. He was tempted to turn off his phone and stuff it in a drawer but secretly he wanted to stay up to date with what was happening. So someone had taken pictures of him and Harry walking in the street that night after Iris's birthday dinner. Louis had felt his stomach turn when his friends had messaged him that morning informing him that he and Harry were trending again. After the messages he had put the phone aside and hid under the blankets but he couldn't hide there forever. He knew that he would have to leave the safe sanctuary of his bed and face reality, a reality that was looking a little absurd because how and why was he trending with Harry Styles? Why did he and Harry Styles even have a ship name? Which alternate universe had he been dumped into in which he was linked to Harry Styles and they were supposedly in a romantic relationship? Also, there was a bookshop to run and books to sell, a cuppa to be had and a cat to feed, which said cat was at that moment kneading his back with his paws urging him to get up and feed him. It felt soothing but Louis knew that Sir LeRoy wanted his breakfast. He rolled over, toppling Stan off his back, the grey tabby giving an annoying meow of protest. Louis sat up.

'Sorry Stan. Didn't mean to topple you head over ass,' he said to the cat who Louis could swear was scowling at him and mentally giving him the pink middle bean on his front paw. Louis looked at his phone on the bedside table. Shall I or shall I not, he wondered. He reached for his phone with trembling hands, hesitantly opened Twitter to be greeted by those dark, grainy photos of him and Harry walking down the street, maybe a little too close? Maybe a little too intimate? Maybe like a couple Louis wished they could be?

Louis' wishful thinking was replaced by severe nausea as he looked at them. It was not worry for himself that was making his stomach clench painfully. He worried for Harry and the trouble he might be in because of these photos. He had tried to be careful for Harry's sake but you can never be too careful can you? Especially not when you're Harry Styles! Louis was not worried for himself. He could careless about himself even though it was annoying having strange people delve into your life, speculating and making up things. More so, it was upsetting to see pictures of him and Jordan all over his timeline. Had Jordan seen them? Had Harry's fans found Jordan's instagram? Were they hounding Jordan for information about him? Louis knew that eventually all this would blow over and despite the fresh pain of seeing Jordan's pictures had caused him, he knew his life would not be effected that much and he would go back to his mundane routines but Harry? Harry's life was different than his and even though Louis didn't know anything about Harry behind Harry Styles, well he knew that all this exposure wasn't good for him.

Louis turned off his phone, got out of bed and padded downstairs to feel Stanley and make himself a cuppa. He found a note on the fridge from Niall reminding him to buy milk. Louis took his mug of tea up to his room and while it cooled he made the bed and took a shower. By then it was cold. He quickly got dressed and after petting Stanley and wishing him a good day, he left and headed towards his shop. As he walked towards Bookends, he felt exposed and looked at even though it was just the other shop owners and stall vendors wishing him a good morning. He ducked his head and hurried on his way.

Once safely inside his bookshop, Louis made himself a coffee and sipped it slowly while going through invoices behind the counter of his shop. He tried to focus on orders he had received, payments he had to pay and books he had to order but his mind couldn't help but drift to Harry. How was he doing? Did he get into a lot of trouble because of the pictures? Was he upset? Would he ever see him again? Louis found himself longing to be by his side, to comfort him and ease whatever troubles Harry had. He wanted to wrap his arms around him and hold him close to his heart, protecting him from the cruel world and...

The tinkling bell over the door pulled him out of his ridiculous thoughts. He looked up and saw Lionel striding into the shop looking immaculate as always. He looked as if he was ready to strut down a runway in Paris during fashion week rather than coming to work at a bookshop but that was Lionel for you! Always the diva!

'Put down that disgusting coffee,' Lionel ordered as Louis was about to take another sip of his now luke warm coffee thanks to his daydreaming. Louis looked down at his half full mug.

'It's not disgusting Nel,' Louis protested. 'It just went cold.' Lionel tsked and gave him a once over.

'Anything coming out of a jar or pod is disgusting sweetheart. Here,' Lionel said as he placed a large cup with a plastic lid in front of him. Louis was about to protest. Lionel knew how he felt about coffee from coffee shops with certain brands. Lionel held up his hand stopping Louis mid sentence.

'Before you give me a migraine from the rant that's about to spill from your lips, it's home made,' Lionel said proudly. Louis raised a questioning eyebrow at Lionel, a smile playing on his lips. Lionel rolled his eyes.

'Oh shut up Louis! I do use my kitchen you know. I just bought this amazing coffee machine and I am brewing my own coffee now, and me being the best friend that I am, brought you a cup. Look, I even ordered my own cups. They are organic - made from environmentally and sustainable materials. Even the cup sleeves are made of natural materials because I am a responsible adult who wants to take care of my mothers Earth and Nature,' Lionel said with a proud grin. Louis looked at the print on the cup. It said PerkyNel's Coffee. Louis looked up at him.

'Really?' he said. I'm impressed Nelly!' Lionel smiled displaying even, white teeth.

'I'm thinking of starting my own coffee brand! Take a sip. Go on. Tell me what you think,' Lionel told him. Louis took a sip of the hot liquid. It was strong and it definitely did not come from a jar or a pod. There was a hint of something that Louis could not quite identify but it was so good. He took another long pull and groaned in pleasure as the hot liquid slid down his throat like a caress. Lionel grinned.

'Good huh?' he said with a self satisfied smirk on his lips. Louis grinned at him.

'Good. Very good. What's in it?' Louis asked. Lionel faked shock.

'Not very gentlemanly of you wanting to know what lies underneath my clothes on the first date now is it?' Lionel exclaimed dramatically. Louis rolled his eyes as he took another gulp of coffee.

'Stop being dramatic Nel,' Louis said licking his lips because the coffee was really good.

'Alright,' Lionel conceded, 'but I might have to make you sign an NDA after I tell you.' He gave Louis a wink. 'I can't have my coffee secrets out there. What if my business takes over and you're all out there giving away my secret ingredients hmm?' Louis sighed and put down the coffee cup.

'Jesus Christ Nel! Fine! Don't tell me. I don't want to know,' Louis deadpanned. Lionel grinned and leaned on to the counter.

'The coffee you are drinking is called the Librarian Brew. I named it after you because that's how good a friend I am. It's a half and half blend of Robusta and Arabica beans, high in caffeine with ground cloves and a shot of anisette. It will give you that shocking boost you need to deal with...well books and...other things,' Lionel said trailing off. Louis knew what he was referring to. He looked down at the coffee cup.

'Is it ever going to stop?' Louis asked, more to himself than to Lionel.

'Do you want it to stop?' Lionel asked him softly and Louis was glad that for once Lionel was being serious. Louis looked at him.

'There's nothing going on Nel. Nothing,' Louis said sounding exasperated.

'His fans think otherwise,' Lionel pointed out. 'I mean the latest pictures of you two, well, they do seem a little intimate don't they? A stroll in the moonlight is kind of romantic.' Louis huffed out a breath.

'It wasn't even like that,' Louis argued. 'It was just...it was a...'

'A stroll in the moonlight?' Lionel asked. Louis ran his hands through his hair feeling frustrated that such an innocent thing could be taken so out of proportion and turned into something it wasn't. It was frustrating that he couldn't put things straight, that he couldn't tell everyone to mind their own fucking business and leave Harry alone.

'It wasn't like that,' Louis repeated quietly as if defeated. Lionel made a sympathetic face at him.

'Tell me what it was like then. Where did you go? Was it a date?' Louis looked at him horrified. He was about to hurl a few insults at Lionel when the bell over the door tinkled the arrival of a customer. Louis hoped that it wasn't any fans of Harry. He didn't have the mind or patience for them. But inside the door was a man wearing a baseball hat and dark sunglasses. He walked further into the shop towards the counter and stopped in front of Louis.

'Hello,' he said and Louis detected the American accent right away. 'I'm Jeff Azoff, Harry's manager. We need to talk.' He slapped down a stack of papers in front of Louis. 'And we have NDA's to sign.' Louis swallowed thickly. Shit was getting real. He didn't know how these things worked and it scared him a little to be confronted by Harry's manager and a stack of NDA's.

'Harry didn't do anything,' Louis blurted out. Why he said that he didn't know, but he felt the need to say it. The man took off his sunglasses and looked at Louis. His eyes were hard and penetrating.

'Mr. Tomlinson, you don't know how this business works and I am here to tell you. Harry is my client and I am here to make sure he is protected,' he said all business like and superiority. Louis looked him up and down. So this was the man who owned Harry. 'I believe Harry has spent time with you and your family at some sort of gathering.' Louis ground his teeth together. He didn't like this man.

'It was my sister's birthday dinner at the home of my friends,' Louis replied dryly.

'Whatever,' Jeff said. 'Harry was not supposed to have been there. All his appearances are organized and cleared by his management team. The people he is seen with and interacts with have to be cleared by his management team and this little excursion of his was not,' Jeff explained. Lionel snorted.

'Even the leash on his neck is approved by his management team?' Lionel asked and Louis who was sometimes against Lionel's crude mouth wanted to jump over the counter and hug him. Jeff turned to him.

'And you are?' he asked coldly.

'Lionel Perkins,' Lionel said. Jeff nodded but looked back at Louis, ignoring Lionel completely as if he was not deserving of his attention.

'What I was saying was, Full Stop Management protects Harry. The latest photos with you have caused unwanted attention and it's not the good kind of attention we strive to garner for my client.'

'None of it is true,' Louis told him. 'None of what they are saying is true.' Jeff snorted a laugh.

'Unfortunately Mr. Tomlinson, a rumour spreads faster than the truth and is much more believable. His fans have a very vivid imagination...'

'Of course they do!' Lionel interrupted him. 'Look at his relationship with his “girlfriend,” he said making air quotations around the word girlfriend. 'A lot of vivid imagination goes there doesn't it?' Jeff looked at him again, his eyes looking at Lionel as if he were a pile of dog shit smeared on the bottom of his very expensive shoes.

'Harry is very happy with Miss. Wilde,' he said. Lionel snorted.

'Aww bless your little, cold heart. I see you have a vivid imagination too. Tell me...Jeff, does it ever occur to you that people are not as stupid as you make them out to be? That on the other side of the spectrum some of us can actually smell the bullshit for what it truly is?' Jeff straightened his spine and glared daggers at Lionel.

'I advise you watch what you say Mr. Perkins. My lawyers and the management lawyers will not hesitate to sue for slander against my client.' He turned back to Louis and pushed the stack of papers towards him. 'These are NDA's for all of you who came in contact with Harry. I need them filled out and signed by not later than tomorrow evening. Read everything carefully with a lawyer present.' Jeff looked around the shop then back at Louis. 'I don't think you would want to lose this beautiful shop or your home with the blue door. Same goes for your friends and relatives. Where Harry's protection is concerned we will not hesitate to sue. He is top priority. I will send my assistant to pick these up tomorrow. Have a good day Mr. Tomlinson. You too Mr. Perkins.' Jeff put on his sunglasses and walked out the shop, the bell tinkling after him merrily.

*

Later that evening Louis hosted an NDA party at his home with the blue door. Liam, Zayn, Iris, Andrew, Gianna, Anya, Zoey, Niall, Lionel and Horace, a lawyer Liam and Zayn knew were all crammed in Louis' small living room. The NDA papers delivered by Jeff were sprawled on the coffee table amongst glasses of wine, beer and bowls of nuts and crisps. Horace was going over every one of them, occasionally shaking his head and muttering to himself.

'This is such bullshit,' Niall said as he downed his half glass of Guinness then burped loudly. 'So Harry can't have any friends?' Horace looked up over his glasses at Niall.

'Not any that are not approved by his management apparently and you lot haven't been given the seal of approval,' he said as he went back to reading the documents.

'Poor Harry,' Iris said.

'Poor indeed,' Horace agreed as he put the documents down and drank his wine.

'So do we sign them or not?' Zayn asked. Horace laughed.

'You think you have a choice? You have to sign them!' Horace told him.

'What do you mean we have to?' Zoey asked. Horace sighed heavily and held out his empty wine glass to Louis who quickly refilled it for him. He took a long pull, smacked his lips and sighed again.

'You all have to sign these NDA's. Harry's management is strict. They want to control everything. They want to make sure that Harry is protected from...'

'Being outed?' Lionel asked.

'That's speculation,' Horace replied.

'Oh please,' Lionel said. 'Why go through all this trouble if they were not protecting some big ass secret? Do you think they are actually protecting him? They are protecting their assets,' Lionel said as he picked up his drink and sipped it.

'Whatever it is they are protecting, they are threatening to sue if you don't sign these NDA's,' Horace told them.

'Sue us for what?' Liam asked. 'We're just common people. We don't have anything of value they can take!' Horace looked at each one of them in turn making sure that his words made them comprehend the serious predicament they were in.

'They can take your homes, Louis' book shop, any businesses you have, any businesses you might think of starting, your savings, your cars. Anything. They can ruin you. So my advice to you is to sign the papers and stay away from Harry. Forget about him. These NDA's have an expiry date of 5 years during which you can not and I mean CAN NOT, disclose anything Harry related to you while he was in your company. A word slips out and they will descend on you like vultures on a carcass. He's the son of Irving Azoff. Look him up and learn who you are dealing with here. This family is ruthless.' Horace looked at Louis.

'Your NDA is slightly different. There's a clause which states that you are not to interact with Harry or meet him.' Louis' face fell but he said nothing.

'So Louis' got a restraining order?' Gianna asked incredulously. 'What the fuck is this shit? And it's all about protecting Harry's fucking sexuality? Like he doesn't even do his best to hide it in the first place! I mean the guy was photographed wearing a pink tutu for fuck's sake! And if that wasn't enough, he sat with his legs wide open so he could show the whole world that he was tucked and trust me, no straight man tucks! Ever. And it wasn't the first time he tucked so come on! He wears dresses! He was the first male on the cover of Vogue wearing a bloody dress. Such bullshit!' Horace made a confused but sympathetic face. He didn't know what she was saying exactly but he got the gist of it.

'They couldn't care less about his sexuality. It's about money which there is a lot of it invested in Harry. Investments and advertising. Endorsements that cost millions. The entertainment business is brutal. I can't even begin to imagine the contracts Harry has had to sign and how bound he is by legal stuff. He probably can't even step outside of his house without getting the go ahead from his management. Poor lad!'

Everyone sat silently sipping their drinks and thinking about how all this went to shit in just a few days. Harry was a nice lad and it was unfortunate that he had such shit management but they all knew that it was time to draw a line. They had lives to live, jobs to go to and they couldn't risk losing their homes or businesses because of this. After all, Harry Styles was Harry Styles. He was rich and famous. They were not. Niall looked at Louis.

'I'm sorry mate. I'm going to sign it. I can't risk being sued. I'm sure Harry is an awesome lad and all but he's not worth having my life taken away from me.' With that, he reached for the pen and signed on the dotted line. One by one, they gave Louis sympathetic and apologetic looks but they all signed on the dotted lines. Only Louis did not sign. Iris looked at him.

'Lou, you have to sign it. You can't risk losing this house and your bookshop.'

'I know,' Louis said flatly. 'I just need to think about it.'

'What's there to think about Lou?' Zayn told him gently. 'This is a done deal. A reality we never thought we'd find ourselves in. We opened our homes for Harry and trust me, we'd love to have him as one of us but he's not. He can't be one of us even if he wanted to because they won't let him. There's nothing to think about except yourself and your future. You can't risk it for him Lou.' Louis felt a tight knot in his throat and the back of his eyes burned. He got up off the arm of the sofa where he had been perched suspended into an alternate reality.

'I just need to think about it alright,' he snapped. He picked up his copy of the NDA and took the stairs to his room two at a time. He needed to be alone. He needed to think. He needed to tell his heart to shut the fuck up and not be an idiot. Easier said than done. Stanley who had been perched on the window seat dozing and listening to the humans argue, hopped down and followed Louis up the stairs. He had a feeling that Louis would need him.