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Chapter Text

These fragments I have shored against my ruins

T.S. Eliot

The man held his tiny hands as they walked on the wet sand. The waves picked up, accosted the shore, spraying the seawater on their faces. The boy had always loved the sight of the setting sun, unpurburted by the approaching twilight hours and a long walk home.

“You're not afraid, are you?” the child said with a grin that melted his heart.

“Afraid of what?” he asked. The softness of his voice surprised him. He deserted the usual indifference and the harshness when he spoke to the boy, a fact that became a legend in his family.

“Well, you always fuss over us reaching home early, so I thought maybe you're afraid of the dark.”

He laughed. “You think it's because I'm afraid of the dark?”

“Why else would you want us to go home so soon?” The small pout on the child's face was adorable.

A wistful look, not escaping the child's eyes, came over him. “It's something important. That's why.”

“You always disappear and come home late,” the child said.

"I have to go somewhere and I cannot skip my meeting."

"What kind of meeting is it?" The boy scowled that drew a small smile on the man's face. 

“It's of importance to me.”

The boy, kind as ever, too kind for his age, smiled, as if he understood. “Can I come with you too? I promise —”

“You're too young,” he said, cutting the boy off. He regretted his outburst immediately, for the boy cowered like a terrified kitten. The child did not say another word.

They walked in silence, the brackish smell of the sea comforting them both. The child's fingers curled into his larger ones, soothing him, seeking comfort from the aloofness in which he occasionally threatened to tumble. The ultramarine in the west lost its splendour, forming an enormous smudge of hazy oranges and yellows and reds, all the colours meeting at the horizon. The cold wind blew gently, lifting his hair, the bangs on his forehead teasing the withered skin. He hardly noticed when they left the seaside and came to the area covered in shrubs and foliage. Large trees barely let the sunlight flit through. He sighed.

The boy had been unexpectedly silent throughout their journey. He still marvelled at the child's ability to be so perceptive at such a young age. He was obedient, kind, and never a bother. What 3-year-olds were so perceptive that they could read someone's heart as if a psychologist had drilled their knowledge into them?

The child made a noise that pulled him out of his thoughts. When he looked at the boy, he saw him pointing at a large dilapidated building, inhabited by the ghosts of his past, holding them in its crevices and fissures.

“This is —” The boy looked dumbfounded for some reason.

“Not a pleasant place to be in, isn't it?” he said, forcing the tinge of humour in his strained voice. His throat constricted, pain shot in his heart, wind answered his call. And he smiled. This place had been his sanctuary, his home, something that belonged to only him.

“What is this place, grandpa?” the child asked, surprised that his grandfather had indeed brought him here.

He remained silent in answer to the question, remembering the past that was still fresh in his mind. The place that changed him years ago, the place in which he had almost lost the person he loved the most, and found him again. The place in which he found himself. He sat on the rock where the Uchiha crest still shone dully, the child perching next to him. The Uchiha crest was the only souvenir of the day all those years ago when he and his brother had battled, with his brother expecting death, but concluded with an outcome neither of them had expected.

He thought of the past. He remembered it as if it was yesterday.

The rain wetted him to his bones. It cleaned the blood from his skin, blurred the sight before him, chilling and cooling him, yet incapable of wiping out the pain clinging to him, assimilated by his soul.

He had planned this moment meticulously for years, had designed in his head how he was going to take Itachi down, had contrived his way to success in a way that left no space for failure. He wasn't going to make the same mistakes again, not getting caught in the Genjutsu that paralysed him physically while it tormented him, chaining him with invisible ropes to witness his parents' demise. He was stronger now. Itachi's end was inevitable.

"I'll be cruel when I have to," he had said to Orochimaru the other day, a moment long lost in the past, far from his reach as the present gnawed its claws at him, quelling the vile and vindictive fire of rage that lapped viciously at him.

Could he have been more wrong?

If he indeed was capable of becoming cruel in front of the man who had destroyed his life, then why was he on his way to Orochimaru's hideout, Itachi in his arms, barely breathing, yet Sasuke hoped he would save his life?

Hate me more. You don't have enough hate.

Sasuke wanted to scream he hated him - that he hated his brother so much it caused blood to rush in his heart in a way that burned his body, blinded his vision, and suffocated him, filling him with so much emotion that nothing but Itachi writhing in misery could ease it. Yet, as if his body worked on its own accord, it forced him to do what his mind continued to deny all along. He wanted to drop Itachi, astonished at his own new-found strength, because moments ago he was out of Chakra with no energy to move, but now, he was heading to find a cure for him. In his arms Itachi weighed like a child. Sasuke refrained himself from looking at Itachi, still marvelling at his own ability to move, let alone travel miles upon miles from the Uchiha hideout where they had been several hours ago.

He was close to achieving his goal, justice knocking at his doorstep, his parents and their clan nearly finding justice, for their murderer was about to die. When, in the moments before he had used Kirin to end Itachi, Sasuke summoned all his hatred and anger, ascertaining he would never have to live in a world that was also inhabited by Itachi. His mind was suddenly swarmed by memories of their childhood that begged him to spare his brother's life. He denied them all at once and cast one final blow.

He was terrified when Itachi evaded that as well. It was certain that Itachi was going to win. Sasuke impulsively threw kunai attached with paper bombs, deflected by his susano'o immediately, followed by a smile on his brother's face that invigorated his anger and fear. And then, when Itachi came close to him, memories of a lifetime were unlocked.

"Forgive me, Sasuke. But this is it." His voice was soft and the words quivered, deeming their end, and Sasuke chanced a glance at Itachi, his fogged vision cleared for a moment, making it obvious that he had lost this battle. Itachi hadn't won it but he had lost it.

Muttering his last words, Itachi nearly collapsed, but before his head could collide with the wall behind him Sasuke broke his fall.

"Itachi!" The words came out of some place that wasn't in him. Then, his body moved on its own, taking Itachi to a place he could save his life.

"Don't you die, Itachi," he said slowly. For a moment he wanted to sit still, mourn, yell at him, scream at Itachi, question him why he was willing to sacrifice his dream and his goal to save his life. Did Itachi have an answer to this? Even if he did, he couldn’t answer it.

Itachi was in a worse condition than he was. The blood he had coughed during their battle clung to his lips, tracing down to his chin and jaw, eyes closed in a deep, comfortable sleep. One of his hands lay on his stomach, bruised and wounded, seared in places, discoloured after bleeding had stopped. His other hand in the same state swayed to his side. Sasuke quickened his pace when he felt his strength give away. His surroundings spun, wove incomprehensible shapes of the grass and trees, the sky adorned with parting clouds whirled angrily, the world darkened all of a sudden. Immediately, two hands grasped him, stabilising him on the ground. It was the emptiness that came to him after he felt Itachi's weight leave him that he opened his eyes, summoning all his strength, and spotted Karin, Juugo, and Suigetsu staring at him.

"Itachi!" He groped to find his brother, meeting with a hand that wasn't Itachi's.

"He's with us, Sasuke," Karin said. She offered him her own hand. He bit into her soft flesh, regaining his senses, refuelling his Chakra. The wounds and bruises on his flesh disappeared, morphed into his pale skin.

The dissipating images of his surroundings took a concrete form. He soon could make the shapes of his friends before him. He knew the process of his complete healing would take a little while before he would be able to walk, a moment he couldn't waste. Itachi was dying. He looked over himself, not offering any explanation to his friends, and lifted his brother in his arms again. Itachi still weighed like a child, his bones fragile protruding through his delicate skin. He had enough strength to move, for how long, he couldn’t tell. If his brother died today he wouldn't be able to live.

Why had he tied his entire existence to this man who didn't care about him? He had no answers to this.

"Where are we going?" Karin said.

There were more questions in her silence and the gazes she shared with Juugo and Suigetsu.

"I need to save his life," Sasuke answered, uncertain of his own new fixation. He knew he couldn't tell why, except it was of immense importance to him. The way Itachi had looked at him, the cracks in his countenance before his collapse that let familiarity flow, strengthening a bond he had always craved to have with his brother had rendered Sasuke paralyzed. He was still under the same paralysis that controlled his movements, making him do the things his brain otherwise denied.

"Let me handle him," Juugo said, watching Sasuke lose his control again.

"I'll —" he began, but Juugo had already taken Itachi from him, tucked carefully in his large arms, giving Sasuke an inkling that Itachi was in better hands for now. Karin and Suigetsu wordlessly supported Sasuke, helping him move.

The rest of the journey went silently. No one asked him any more questions.

"Sasuke, we're losing him," Karin said, pointing at his brother, when they were close to the hideout.

He quickened his pace, followed by Juugo who landed behind him, breathing heavily. Silence reigned in the hideout, the sounds of their footsteps echoing uncomfortably in their ears. Soon fear settled in his heart.

"Orochimaru is dead, Sasuke," Karin said. "What are you —"

"Do we have guests here?" a familiar voice echoed in the large cave, before the source of it appeared in front of them.

"Kabuto," Sasuke said. "You're a medic ninja."

The man lifted an eyebrow. Amusement danced in his otherwise cold eyes. "What can I do to be of use to the great Sasuke Uchiha?"

Sasuke ignored the sarcasm in his statement and spoke, implored in the most honest voice he could muster. "I need you to save my brother's life."

Everything was happening too fast, spiraling out of his control. If he could make sense of anything he would have preferred to run away, but here he was, begging Kabuto of all people to save Itachi's life.

The man grinned. "You want to save your brother's life? I thought you came here to train under Master Orochimaru's guidance so you could kill him." It wasn't every day that Sasuke Uchiha needed someone's help, and when he did, it seemed Kabuto was going to make the best of it.

"Do as I say," Sasuke snapped, more composed this time. "I need you to save his life."

"Sasuke," Karin whispered, "There isn't much left in him."

Sasuke drew his sword, placing it at Kabuto’s thorat. "Do what I say or you die here."

If Itachi were to die the world would burn.

"Kabuto, you must do what Sasuke says. You really are a medic ninja. It's your duty to save lives of the patients," Juugo intervened.

Before Kabuto could protest both Karin and Suigetsu had surrounded him. Suigetsu, too, placed his sword at Kabuto’s shoulder.

"We easily outnumber you. You refuse to treat Itachi Uchiha and you die right here," Karin said.

Kabuto fixed his glasses. Realizing he couldn't do much other than surrendering to the whims of Sasuke's friends, he reluctantly made way for Juugo who was still holding Itachi. He stared at Sasuke, scowled at him, then left the corridor. Soon Itachi was taken to a chamber that could be considered a hospital room. A large bed occupied the majority of the space in the room. Next to it Sasuke saw a patient monitor along with several other medical tools he had seen Orochimaru use for his human experiments. Juugo gently laid Itachi down on the bed.

"All of you need to stay out of the room so I can start my examination," Kabuto said, turning to look at Sasuke.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said. Itachi was vulnerable and Sasuke did not trust Kabuto.

"That's not how things work."

"I don't care."

"You can't force me to compromise on my work ethics."

"Sasuke," Karin said, "it's not the right time to argue. We're losing him. I'll stay here with him, okay?" She glanced at Kabuto and said, “I'm a medic ninja too.”

Sasuke looked at her through a haze of heavy emotions. The faces before him looked the same with the exception of Itachi's. He glanced once again at his brother, unsettled at the sight of his decaying body.

"Sasuke, please. Right now, you need some rest too." Karin's voice was gentle.

Reluctantly, he walked out of the room, numbed to his very bones. He leaned against the wall, slowly collapsing.

If he could pinpoint the source of the torrent of feelings he would have. They came in the form of rage and hurt, combined somewhere within him, warned him, wrenched him and he had no defence. The thought of betraying his cause, along with the faces of his parents, slowly slipped out of his mind. He forced himself to remember everything else — the touch of his mother's palm on his skin, the slow caress of her words, the cruelty of his brother, the concealed gentleness of his father. His mind still returned to Itachi, on the cusp of death, and his final words.

A memory suddenly appeared in front of him. Itachi had asked him to befriend Naruto. Over the years, perhaps maintaining the distance from him had been an unconscious effort to defy Itachi's request. Although they had become the best of friends. Why was he suddenly thinking of Itachi and Naruto?

He couldn't yet understand why he did this and what did he want. If Itachi woke up, what would he achieve?

It was hours later when Kabuto and Karin exited the operation theatre. A little life returned to his placid, lifeless form when he spotted Karin heading towards him. The rest she wanted him to take never came. His chakra replenished, yet the slow thudding of his heart proved to be more exhausting. She would have understood his anxiety, because her words were measured and quiet.

"Sasuke…" She gulped before speaking. "There's something I need to tell you. You need to calm down first."

"What is it? How is my brother?"

"Itachi.." she trailed, then began again. "He's not doing well. He might not make it another night. I'm sorry."

"No!" he said it so loud that the walls of the room shook. "No, I want you to save him. Do whatever it takes."

"It's not possible," she added with more sympathy.

"What do you mean?"

Karin related to him the information that knocked the remaining senses out of him. There was a reason Shinobis' bodies were destroyed after their deaths. Even dead bodies could reveal enough information that could dismantle the worlds. Itachi could be a precious subject for many reasons. However, he was still alive. Karin told him there had been severe internal bleeding not incurred during their battle. His body wasn't fit to live, let alone fight an intense battle of the kind he and Sasuke had. His eyes had lost their light completely.

“If he wakes up, it's unlikely he'll be able to see anything,” she said.

His expressions changed. But along with it, another change came to him that only Karin could sense. He had always seemed aloof and unreachable to her, and now, he appeared even more distant, far from her or anyone else's reach. He was on a separate plane from the rest of the world, treading a path no one could follow.

Karin had seen him devoted to his cause for years. He had trained almost inhumanly, practising long after Orochimaru had left the field, long after the sun had set, and long after the next day came. His determination was set in stone with a conviction that no storm could shake it. Watching him change the direction of his life, pleading her to save his brother, not with the intent of hate or with the traces of anger lingering behind, but the display of vulnerability he had never shown before caught her off guard.

“Can you save him?” Sasuke asked.

“We're trying.” It was all she could say. Sasuke didn't seem to be in the state to take no for an answer when it came to Itachi.

She told Sasuke she was surprised that Itachi had survived long enough to reach Kabuto’s hideout and get admitted. She had found traces of a multitude of medicines in his system which he must have taken hours before his battle with his brother.

Years later, she would tell Sasuke that the same day, she had felt a warmth hidden somewhere within Itachi that had surprised her. All the lies, matted together, truths enmeshed into one congeal of his soul was who Itachi Uchiha truly was. The slowly beating heart that lived for Sasuke — she couldn't let him die.

Chapter Text

Memory believes before knowing remembers

William Faulkner, Light in August

It had been a while since Karin left the hideout to fetch some essentials she needed to find for his brother's treatment. Suigetsu guarded the hospital room and Juugo watched over the hideout in case of an unsolicited threat. Kabuto was out on an important mission he said he couldn't miss, which left Sasuke alone to be in Itachi's care. He, too, lay on the hospital bed next to his brother's, breathing lightly, gaze turned towards the ceiling, ignoring the shapes that appeared and dispersed on their own. 

Reluctantly, his eyes followed the line directed towards Itachi, still struggling with his feelings. The room, as he looked at Itachi, was suddenly fraught with grief; the air pulsated with a quiet sadness that tore him into pieces, each thread weaving into something that wrapped itself around his throat, pulling tightly. Why did he suddenly want to save Itachi's life? He closed his eyes, gathering the courage, in hope of making a decision, or a conclusion that could offer him a solace, for it was evident he had betrayed his parents and the cause for which he had kept himself alive. He remembered very clearly the day he saw his parents for the last time, an incident as though it happened a few hours ago, and the torment and loneliness that followed him afterwards, haunting him to this very moment. 

He tried not to think of Itachi other than his enemy, the only relationship between them that existed from the moment Itachi betrayed their clan and killed them. If he didn't, it would be easier to let him go. Closing his eyes, Sasuke saw his lost childhood, Itachi becoming cold towards him, his father warming up, and then leaving him forever. It was an unprecedentedly turbulent life for someone like him who liked peace as a child. Itachi, his enemy, his tormentor lay there before him, at his mercy, his slow heart and pulse rate a sign of his living but not enough. He was as good as dead. 

Itachi's pale skin had become transparent, the knobby bones in his body barely held his flesh. It was as if any movement in them would split the veins, creating a fissure so wide filling it with anything would be impossible. In contrast to what he'd associated Itachi with, he looked defeated, a man devoid of soul. 

He remembered Karin's words about Itachi, her confusion, and a hope for a miracle she said hadn't seen possible yet. She also told him there were slim chances of his brother surviving. It was evident to him that Itachi had been suffering for a long time from an illness, taking medicines to live long. Why did he take medicines and prolong his life? 

Something wasn't adding up. Something didn't make any sense to him. What did Itachi want? He could have - no, he should have - been dead a long time ago. Except, he wasn't. He was lying there on this hospital bed, oscillating between the two worlds where death was the obvious possibility. 

Sasuke glanced at his brother. Itachi's face looked peaceful; like an exhausted child asleep after a long day. Sasuke noticed for the first time the dark circles, now turned purple colour, beneath his brother's eyes. His arms were bandaged. Instead of his head-protector, a gauze was pulled around his forehead. The monitor next to him signified his vague, low heartbeats. 

"What do you want, Itachi?" he said; not as a question, but he couldn't be sure. "Why do you not just die?" 

He let silence wash over them. Hours had passed by since he took the decision, letting Itachi live, as a form of torment or leniency, he didn't know. Did he want to kill Itachi after healing him? Could he be sadistic enough to do this to someone he once loved? 

Three days had passed since Sasuke and Itachi's battle in which Itachi was certain to die. Instead, he was lying in Orochimaru's most secured hideout, alive only on the machines that beeped and vibrated indicating he was still breathing. However, he still had not shown any signs of improvement. He was living artificially, barely breathing; and if not for the machines he would have been dead a long time ago. Kabuto repeated again there wasn't much he could do unless they were willing to talk to someone better than him. Lady Tsunade, he suggested. 

Sasuke shook his head. He couldn't pinpoint the sense of urgency, accompanied by a hostility he felt towards the village at Kabuto’s suggestion. Itachi was a rogue ninja, a wanted criminal, who had worked as an Akatsuki for nearly a decade. He was trying to save Itachi's life, not offer him to the wolves who would devour him when the time came. He didn't understand why he was worried about what anyone would do to Itachi, when a few days ago, he himself wanted his brother dead. The enigmatic power that compelled him to change his mind in the last moment left a lingering effect on him, not letting him do what he knew was inevitable and right.

Itachi deserved to die for what he'd done to their clan and for being a part of the Akatsuki, participating in their crimes that involved nothing but bloodshed. He'd promised himself the only time they would meet and be in the same room would be when he was strong enough to kill his brother. In spite of himself, he saved Itachi's life, imagining the wrath and derision of his fallen clan members who wanted him to bring their killer to justice. 

An irrational part of his mind understood his decision, rationalising the betrayal he brought upon his parents, however wrong it was. It didn't scorn him. There were excuses. He couldn't live without Itachi, although he'd never planned to live a day after Itachi's death. He was certain he would not make it alive with his battle with Itachi who would be invincible no matter how hard he worked. But as long as Itachi was dead it didn't matter.

In his last moments when he saw Itachi walking towards him, offering him a smile that withheld the traces of the brother he'd loved, he realized he couldn't die without knowing why Itachi had stopped loving him. He held tight the translucent leash tethering him with the Itachi who loved him, hurting himself in the process. He would beg in front of Itachi, despite knowing his answer, to tell him the truth. Maybe the icy-cold heart of his brother would melt for a little while, making him reveal why they had suddenly fallen so apart that death was the only thing that could connect them in the end. It was a bond stronger than hate. He was certain Itachi would laugh at him with disdain, in hate that would pierce his soul, perforate, making him bleed so profusely it would end in his death. If Itachi woke up, would the cold and hollow look in his eyes ever change? 

He spent all his time sitting next to Itachi. He was doing much better than he anticipated and he couldn't tear himself away from his brother. He stroked Itachi's hands, the same hands that were coloured in their parents’ blood. He could also imagine the warm, sticky liquid lingering on Itachi's skin, but when he looked at it, it was his own sweat. He stared at Itachi in equal repulsion, equal fascination, and if it was possible anymore, in fear as well, although Itachi looked harmless to him. The anger and hate he had fostered within himself dissolved into something that was like grief, the colour turned purple and blue the longer he stayed quiet.

No one understood the sudden change in Sasuke. Everyone had seen his devotion towards his goal, the efforts he put in order to achieve them in the past. He had gathered Suigetsu, Karin, and Juugo because he needed to kill Itachi. Killing his brother was one such goal for which he had given up his bonds and his home. What could have happened for him to abandon it and turn things around? 

Suigetsu repeatedly pointed out it was weird. Karin could tell something had happened. Juugo waited calmly for Sasuke to open up, against all protests from the other two. He told them if Sasuke wanted to tell, he would. They shouldn't pressure him into something he didn't want to share. If he'd made a decision it would have to have a reason. 

However, on the fourth night of their arrival, Juugo himself requested Sasuke to have his dinner with them that he'd been avoiding for days. Karin dragged him into the adjacent room that worked as the dining room for them. Sasuke's eyes barely rested on the food when he sat down, and simply stared in front of him. When Juugo touched his shoulder he was broken out of his trance. 

“Itachi!” He looked around himself. “I need to go back.”

He stood to leave but Karin's voice thundered in the room, stopping him in the tracks. Juugo flinched. Suigetsu melted a notch and concealed himself behind Juugo. 

“I want you to finish your dinner, Sasuke Uchiha, and then we'll talk. We want to know what's going on.” 

His unwavering gaze lingered on her face before he sat down, too exhausted to argue. The dinner that followed was silent. Suigetsu put the dishes away, returning to sit next to the others again. 

“What's going on, Sasuke?” Karin said. “You don't even look the same to us.” 

Sasuke shut his eyes and sighed. He tried to collect his thoughts and say something, but he could not. It was a familiar feeling, fraught with a numbing pain and shrinking hopes, revealing the wounds so raw the mere thought of them hurt. He couldn't tell how long it had been since he brought Itachi here in hope of healing. It was a long sequence of moments, all detached from one another that held no individual meaning for him, scalding nightmares that became reality before they diffused into nothingness. Sometimes he wondered if anything of his life had happened or it was his eyes playing tricks with him. Or even cruller, it was one of Itachi's tricks through which he chose to torment him. 

He couldn't bring himself to say anything at all and asked one last question. “Is he going to live? 

“We're trying,” Karin said. Sasuke was calmer now than he'd been the other day. He didn't disturb her and Kabuto, and knowing there wasn't anything else he could do, he chose to trust Karin. 

She had been pushing Kabuto to find better ways to cure Itachi ever since Sasuke had declined their suggestions to seek Lady Tsunade's help. Medic ninja were trained to save lives, no matter the cost and however long it took. Itachi could survive, albeit on machines, longer than they had expected. They could invest the time in looking for the alternatives from what they'd done and read, create something new from the available sources. Kabuto was resourceful and had access to the things that were unknown to mankind. He could certainly go out of his way to find something — anything — to cure Itachi. 

Kabuto came up with several ideas, some outlandish and some left Sasuke feeling suspicious of him, hating that he had to rely on someone like Kabuto. The alternatives, however, were still worse. Kabuto, too, looked at him as if he was looking for something. He never spoke out loud, although he seemed irritated. Sasuke couldn't trust Kabuto to not hurt Itachi. Something was greatly troubling Kabuto. Sasuke wouldn't let him leave until Itachi was out of danger. 

Among his many methods to heal his brother, Kabuto once suggested that he could kill Itachi altogether and bring him back to life using Edo Tensei. 

“It's still an imperfect jutsu, but we could try —”

“Don't you even try, Kabuto,” Sasuke said, raising his sword to Kabuto’s throat. “Don't.”

“It's still in its nascent stage, but it's improved since Lord Orochimaru tried his hands on it. And I made it even better.” He paused to look at Sasuke and added, “But never mind.”

It was abundantly obvious to everyone that Sasuke was merely tolerating Kabuto for his brother's sake. Kabuto was confined to his lab where he worked and slept and ate. If he wanted something, Juugo or Suigetsu would fetch it for him. Karin would discuss the details further. And then she would tell Sasuke about the newer developments she had made and Kabuto approved. 

“We can use Hashirama cells to rebuild his organs and replace them with the damaged ones,” she said. “Hashirama cells naturally adapt to the human anatomy.” 

Sasuke was vaguely aware of the first Hokage and his legacy. Kabuto had hoarded the cells made up of his DNA and was using them in experiments before they had arrived with Itachi. Kabuto would not tell them why, and Sasuke did not press the matter further. He wanted Itachi alive. 

“It will take a few weeks,” Karin said. She added further that her own chakra could be transferred to Itachi, with Juugo's natural energy working as a catalyst to make the effect of her healing powers more efficient. Itachi had responded positively to Juugo's chakra, a brief tremor in his body that came when Juugo's chakra was transferred to him. 

Sasuke looked hopeful, but the look of fear and uncertainty, and the brief change in his chakra didn't go amiss by Karin. 

“Is this going to cure him?” 

“We can hope.” 

In the evening, Sasuke walked into Itachi's room, startling when he spotted Kabuto staring at his brother, as if lost deep in thoughts. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked, alarmed. “You aren't supposed to be here.” 

Kabuto still stayed focused on Itachi, his eyes unwavering, painfully pointed at Itachi's face. He was in a trance. 

“Kabuto!” 

The man jolted awake from whatever he was doing. “You.” He hardly seemed bothered by Sasuke's appearance. 

“What are you doing here?” Sasuke repeated.

Kabuto sighed, straightening himself and stood upright, eyes now aimed at Sasuke with a look that could only be described as forlorn. Then, he smirked. “I didn't think the Itachi Uchiha would ever be one of my test subjects.” 

“How dare you! What were you doing?” 

“Relax,” Kabuto said, fixing his specs. “It caused him no inconvenience. But we can see what's going on inside his head. It's messy in there right now. If you hadn't disturbed me, I could have known all the secrets your brother was hiding.”

“You're not going to touch him.” Sasuke wished he could control the onslaught of anger that assaulted him. 

“Don't you want to know what happened to your brother, Sasuke?” 

“W - what do you mean?” 

Kabuto seemed pleased at the reactions he emitted out of Sasuke. “Through this technique.. You can peek into the mind of the subject. You can see what thoughts they have, their feelings. It's quite like the Yamanaka clan's Telepathy, but we need hand seals to perform it. There aren't many risks for us —”

“Why are you telling me this?” Sasuke asked, clearly intrigued, yet distrusting of the man in front of him. He would never — 

“Because there is a reason you couldn't kill your brother. And you're dying to find your answers. This is your only way.” 

“And you think you're trust-worthy?” 

Kabuto shook his head. “But your friend, Karin, is. Don't you trust her powers, Sasuke? She can detect lies. If I were lying, she would have been here by now to warn you, don't you think? She's in the next room.” 

“Why would you help me?”

“Make no mistakes, Sasuke Uchiha,” Kabuto said, shaking his head. “It's not to help you as much as it is for my own benefit. I don't plan to be your hostage longer than necessary. I have my own errands to run that have been delayed because of you. I want to get rid of you as much as you want me to leave. But I'm no fool. You're stronger than me. For all my expertise in jutsu, I'm still a medic ninja with no special talents. This” — He pointed towards Itachi — “is because your brother's brain would be of great use to me in my pursuits. I've extracted more information from dead bodies than I've been able to get anything out of Itachi. He was good at what he did. I can't breach past the first barrier. That is, his memories in the current time. They're all of yours. Maybe you'll do better and maybe he'll allow you to see past them.”

“I don't understand,” Sasuke said, genuinely confused.

“Well, the human brain comprises three levels of consciousness. The consciousness, subconscious, and unconscious. The one that's accessible to me is his conscious mind. What he's aware of in the current time and it's only you. He's thinking about you. He can only feel your presence. He doesn't realise it. If you look, maybe you'll be more successful at it than I was.”

Sasuke eyed Itachi, intrigued and simultaneously hating how Kabuto made him sound like a test subject the way he did to all those who lived here. He couldn't get rid of the thought that Itachi was thinking of him, lying here, on the brink of death. Could he hear anything at all Sasuke had to say? Did Itachi hear the conversation with Kabuto right now? 

“Why do you want me to do this if you're an expert in this jutsu?"

”Because I've tried it several times without success. You can tell me the relevant things. Itachi was, after all, an Akatsuki, a wanted criminal.”

“Is,” Sasuke corrected him. “He's still alive. If something happens to him you're not making it alive out of here either, Kabuto.” 

“Fair enough,” Kabuto said with a sigh. “I want you to do me a favour. This is the least you can do for me. It will save me much trouble and I will be able to get on my missions much sooner.”

“Your missions don't sound like a good idea,” Sasuke said. 

“That is none of your business,” Kabuto said curtly. It's a matter of give and take. I'm doing something for you whatever your reasoning behind dragging us all here is.. I don't care. If you don't do this, I will do it myself. In the upcoming weeks, I'll be spending more time here than you will. I will have plenty of time to get my information. But you offer me certainty. Your brother means nothing to me. But it seems he means a great deal to you.”

Sasuke scowled at these words. “Are you threatening me?” 

“I want you to make a choice. You know what to do.” 

The uncertainty in Sasuke's eyes dimmed momentarily . The answers he'd wanted to find out came to him as though fate willed him to know. Kabuto’s plans were nothing short of evil, who looked at it for his own gain, but if someone like Kabuto got hands on the Intel related to Akatsuki, what would it entail? 

He couldn't deny it was his only chance at learning the truth he was dying to know. The secrets, if any, he should have known. If he was lucky enough, he would see the life Itachi had lived. Maybe just a little bit of it. He searched in his heart for the traces of hatred in order to prepare himself for what he would see: the monster Itachi had become or the truth he suspected he wasn't meant to find out. The truth that would change his life forever. Numbness had long ago replaced the hate in his heart, given way to a concern nothing could eliminate. He had no heart to see Itachi murdering his parents, or anyone else again for that matter, but was that all Itachi was? The cold-blooded murderer that took joy in plunging the sword in people's throats and twisting them until they bled to death. The Itachi he knew would never have done something like this. The Itachi he came to know had done this and showed him the extent of the cruelty he was capable of. 

Sasuke shuddered. 

He's thinking about you right now, Kabuto's words struck him like a knife impaling him. 

Sasuke realised eventually that he had nothing to lose if he went ahead with Kabuto’s little “experiment.” He had known the best of his brother and had seen the worst as well. He spent his life looking for answers. Was he so unlovable that Itachi — his brother — would suddenly stop loving him? Throughout his sleepless nights he wanted to know what wrong he did to make Itachi go away from him. Now, an opportunity had presented itself to him. An unmistakable one, that would surely answer his questions. 

The consent would have been written all over his face for Kabuto to offer him a sly smile. “Well done.” 

Without another word, Sasuke sat next to Itachi. “It's not going to harm him. It's primarily for the dead or for those in the condition like your brother's. You'll only be extracting the information without letting him know you're there.”

Sasuke sat quietly, uncaring at this point of the consequences, or the virtues. His heart was beating fast. He didn't know what he was supposed to expect from Itachi. Maybe it was only useful to Kabuto for whatever he wanted from Itachi. Maybe he didn't have anything in it for himself. He would soon know. Kabuto guided him to weave the signs, slowly connecting him with Itachi's consciousness. There were no threats, no dangers, and he could return to reality whenever he wished. The trick was not to get lost in Itachi's mind. If he did, someone else would have to pull him out of it. The calculative, mechanical searching would not harm him. 

Soon, his surroundings disappeared, the sounds of machines were gone, and the room was enveloped in a thick white fog. He forced his gaze to look at a particular destination to see, but nothing substantial met his eyes. It was an untouchable, unwavering mist that coloured the horizon. He wondered if Kabuto had played a trick with him that he'd been too foolish to see through. Had he been too stupid to fall for it? Why didn't Karin come to tell him Kabuto was lying… 

 But then, the world around him began to clear. 

He saw his own eyes fixed at him from another world. Itachi was thinking about him, he recalled. 

He'd just defeated Orochimaru's army of a thousand Shinobi, without breaking a sweat, without killing them. How did Itachi know? His eyes shifted to another moment, his own face, a ghostly white figure walking in the forest after a tough training session with Orochimaru. Several crows flapped their wings, squealed, and then flew away. 

He was in the training ground with Kakashi teaching him how to work on chidori. Long after Kakashi left, Sasuke stayed behind in the forest, training until the sun went down, and his own strength gave away. 

Itachi was thinking about him. The thought distinctly edged him ahead. 

His childhood home, untainted. His mother laughed when Itachi showed her he had taken his first steps. Sasuke couldn't hear their voices properly. They were a jumble of words and phrases, all mingled inside Itachi's head. His mother had told him the first steps he'd even taken were towards Itachi, when his brother was home, taking care of him. 

Itachi was thinking about him.

Slowly, his own consciousness faded, melded into his brother's, nudged him forward into an uncharted territory that was never meant to be trodden. 

In front of him sat a child, a small smile tugging at his lips, his little body clinging to his mother's as she walked to and fro. “Itachi, you've been a good boy today,” she said, eliciting a laugh out of the boy in her arms. “What's so funny?” 

The boy smiled, tucking his head on his mother's shoulder. 

Sasuke took a deep breath.These were Itachi's memories. 

Chapter Text

I still remember the moment when my gaze fell upon the mutilated face of a young woman, her features slashed through with a bayonet. Soundlessly, and without fuss, some tender thing deep inside me broke. Something that, until then, I hadn't realised was there.

~ Han Kang, Human Acts

A child sat on the floor, his clothes smudged in water, hands soiled with dirt. His rosy cheeks were stained with the muck formed with the mixture of water and soil. His hands splashed on the puddle next to him, giggles leaving his lips the more water smeared around him. Suddenly, the door opened, admitting a woman whose mere sight brightened the boy's features. Her otherwise tired expressions melted into those of pure joy as her eyes met the toothy grin of her son. 

“Itachi,” she said, hurriedly taking him in her arms. “I've been away for a few moments, and look, what a mess you have made. Is this how you want to be when you see your dad?” 

The boy smiled at the mention of his father and shook his head. The look of pure adoration on her face deepened at the endearing gesture. 

“Mikoto!” a voice from outside sounded. “We were heading home and thought we should see you and Itachi.” It was aunt Iruchi and uncle Teyaki. “If you need something, don't mind pinging us, okay?” Aunt Iruchi said. Her smile widened at Itachi's sight. “Look, he's all grown up.” 

Itachi, unused to the guests’ sudden presence in his house, blushed deeply at the attention directed to him. 

“Itachi, why don't you come to our bakery and get something to eat?” Uncle Teyaki said, holding his little hands. 

As shy as ever, Itachi buried his face in his mother's neck. 

“He's just shy,” his mother said, not hiding the apologetic tone from her voice. “Itachi, you'll be four soon.” She ruffled his hair. “Shouldn't you be learning to greet elders when you meet them?”

He whined in her arms. His mother held onto her son tightly, suddenly disconcerted at the thought of her child growing up. 

The village was bathed in the knee-deep snow, aglow in the soft radiance of yellows and oranges in the late hours of twilight. Itachi sat inside his room, waiting for his mother, playing with a toy his father had brought him.

Snow, snow, too much snow this year. He wasn't allowed to go out without his mother. 

His father was home. He saw very little of him these days. His mother told him his father was in war, which was not an easy job being a police chief. He was beginning to understand, not only her words, but the sentiments with which the words were spoken. She looked at him in surprise when she told him of wars and the Five Great Nations. It was as if he'd known them before she told him, but there was no way he would know. He was just a child. He'd just turned four two weeks ago. 

The decapitated bodies lay on the ground. A gigantic flash of lightning consumed his surroundings, sparing only him, for he stood at a distance from which the carnival of destruction persisted. The gruesome devastation followed in its wake. The heads and limbs strewn on unpleasant angles arrested his attention, immediately thwarting the hint of curiosity they might have roused in him when blood spluttered around him and screams filled the air. 

They wanted to live. Now, they were dead. 

He spotted a blood-soaked headband of a Kirigakure Shinobi, its owner convulsing in pain, then the movements stopped. His empty eyes stared at the boy as if they wanted to say something, but the man's body did not move. His rigid form never changed its angle, lips stayed slightly parted, and the melancholic gaze slowly morphed into the infinite blankness that the dead harbour. 

He never forgot this day, this sight of the man who wanted to live. Now, he was gone. 

He kneeled in front of him, and on instinct, ran his hand on the man's face, closing his eyes.

He might have been too young to know, but he was aware of the enemies' methods, and how enemies in the battlefields worked. His father, after bringing him home from the battle, told him more about it. 

First, the enemies killed as many people in the battlefields as they could, then targeted the survivors in the medical camps, killing as many as they could afford before the troops were alerted and the reinforcements were sent. If the defending sides were too late, the attackers forced the medic ninja to abandon their medical duties, often killing them alongside their comrades. Their purpose was to show saving lives was futile. Sometimes, to prove their points further, they attacked the children of the enemy nations, enraging the villages and nations that continued the cycle of hate and violence without offering any respite. Some survived one attack only to die in the next one. Some children survived one war only to die in the next one.

This was the life of a ninja. His father told him again and again. 

“But why, Father?” he asked. 

Why would you tell me all this? 

“You must learn the ways of a ninja, Itachi. This is our reality.” 

He remembered the ghostly face of the man who died in front of him. And the other man who nearly killed him because he had the ninja tools. 

He would stop wars. He would eradicate the violence. 

He didn't leave his room for days. He preferred to have his meals in his room, making excuses. Thankfully, his parents bought the lies he spoke and didn't pester him to join them in the dining room. 

“Itachi, I'm leaving for work,” his mother said, peeking from the door. “I'll be late this evening. Make sure you finish the dinner before your dad and I come home, okay?” 

Her blinding smile soothed his heart. 

“Yes, mother.” 

Life had no meaning if it wasn't eternal. He saw the world around him doused in a blue haze, recalling the dead men whose eyes never closed. He remembered the screams with painful clarity that haunted him when he tried to go to sleep. The shapes became more apparent when he was alone. They tried to reach out to him, seeking help. 

“Save me,” they screamed in unison. “Why don't you help us?” 

Their hollow, dark eyes penetrated him, dug holes into his being, filling him with an agony he could never describe in words. Their tears wetted him, and sometimes he felt he was drowning into a pitless ocean. 

He woke up, screaming. Again. It was dark all around him. He couldn't spot the moon even through the open window. Stilled wind suffocated him, reproaching him for something he didn't know. 

His body covered in sweat, he pulled the blanket away from him, trying to control his shaking body. Tears in his eyes would not stop. He remembered the shapes of the bodies clearly, the gaping blank eyes begging him for mercy, wanting him to do something while he stood wide-eyed, staring at them in horror. 

Only one thought came to his mind: what was the meaning of life? 

It was a cloudy, overcast afternoon. He walked slowly, ignoring the eyes that fell upon him. Some children his own age, some grown ups, and some kids senior to him walked past him. His mother had always taught him to be respectful towards elders, but so many people in large groups overwhelmed him. He couldn't keep his gaze up to meet them. He stopped when his eyes fell upon his mother, leaving the hospital. 

“Mom,” he said, watching her leave the hospital, “are you sick?” He had seen her vomiting the other day. 

“I'm not sick, Itachi,” she said. “Soon you'll have a little brother or a sister.”

He looked at her for a little while, then said, “I want it to be a little brother.” He didn't know why he wanted a little brother. 

“A little sister would be good too, Itachi,” she said with some amusement. She pulled the boy close to her, and Itachi felt her belly. A life growing inside her, he thought. She placed her hand on his head, stroking his hair. 

“I want it to be a little brother,” he said. 

Suddenly, it started to snow. By summer he would have a little brother by his side. 

The training session with Shisui had been good. It wasn't easy to defeat him, and Itachi was not deluded, but the joy he felt at defeating his friend was undeniable. Shisui wished him a happy birthday and challenged him for a duel, but with his Sharingan activated this time as a birthday present. He was surprised how good Itachi was at using Sharingan, how meticulously he read Shisui's moves, and used them against him. 

“Oh, you're going to surpass me one day.” 

Itachi knew it wasn't possible. But if his friend said this about him, it meant something. 

He would never forget the 23rd of July. The day his father and mother came home with his baby brother. They named him Sasuke in honour of the Lord Third's father, Sasuke Sarutobi. His mother slept all day and his father spent the day doing household chores, Itachi by his side making sure all was perfect. Aunt Iruchi and Uncle Teyaki, along with the neighbours, came to see his mother. He wanted them to leave so he could spend time with his baby brother. Every time he went to sit beside Sasuke, he was called by his father or someone else to do something else. 

It was late at night when the guests left. His father went back to work briefly, requesting him to stay by his mother's side. He would have done it without being asked. 

Long after his mother had fallen asleep, Itachi sat next to his brother's crib, watching over him, alert at every movement the child made. He touched his rosy cheeks, and a smile came to him. Sasuke squirmed in his sleep, the gesture forcing Itachi to retreat his hands immediately. 

He couldn't describe the feelings that enraptured him when he saw his little brother. The boy was pristine and untainted, and Itachi thought, unaware of the horrors he had seen. Sasuke didn't know what dead bodies looked like, what people in their last moments felt, and the infliction of hopeless stains on humanity did to someone. His brother was unaware of all this. He would never let Sasuke see how ugly the world he lived in was, the bloodthirsty monsters that devoured men, women, and children alike would never get its hands on Sasuke. 

He would protect this child all his life. 

The village was in absolute chaos. The monster, gigantic, flailing its numerous tails, stomped its limbs all over the village. Flames rose in sheer fury, licking the skies, devouring the trees. The air smelled of death, and cries, loud and piercing, echoed all around him. 

Sasuke cowered in his arms, hiding himself from the imminent threat the gravity of which he didn't yet understand. “Don't cry, Sasuke, your big brother will always protect you, no matter what.” Itachi held Sasuke in his arms, keeping him hidden from the incinerating wind. 

He saw people running out of their homes. Some told him to find a shelter. Some he saw blown into pieces before him. They ran as far as they could before the flames or the pebbled walls collapsing consumed them. The destruction and the chaos suddenly triggered an old memory and he froze in his place. 

It was exactly like war.

His breathing quickened. He felt Sasuke's hands tighten on his shirt, clinging to him for life, and his feet moved. Wherever he went, Itachi saw irreversible destruction. 

The Nine Tailed Beast had attacked the village, taken Lord Fourth and his wife's lives, leaving their newborn alone in this world. 

“It was your people who attacked our village.”

Itachi stared at the boy, a few years senior to him at the Academy, who'd been hurling insults at him for some time. It was evident he wanted Itachi to attack him, for what purpose Itachi himself didn't know. 

“His father was killed in the attack.” He pointed at his friend, who looked at Itachi with an emotion similar to anger and hate. 

That night, he'd saved his mother and brother's life. Itachi wanted to ask him why he didn't save his father's life. If he could do it, why not boys older than him?

He returned home from the Academy. It was boring. His father had promised him to teach a new jutsu. Itachi performed the Fireball jutsu in a single attempt, earning praise from his father that brought a wide smile on his face. 

“I knew you could do it,” he said. It was rare to feel his father's warmth, but it was a moment he felt it too clearly. “That's my boy, Itachi.”

His parents were pleased with his progress when they learned he'd be graduating from the Academy within a year. In the times of peace, no other student graduated so early from the Academy, because it was his talent not the need for violence that set him apart. He would be the first of his kind. Shisui was delighted when he learned Itachi had graduated within a year. 

“I knew you could do this, Itachi,” he said, after defeating Itachi in their third match. “You're exceptional.”

Shisui kept him humble.

It was the first time he saw the man. There was something ominous about him, something dreary he couldn't put his fingers on. The right side of his face was covered with bandages. A cross mark was ingrained on his chin, presumably incurred during a mission or war. He wore black attire with the sole exception of his left arm that was exposed, revealing a white robe beneath it. 

Itachi couldn't deny the unsettling feeling in his chest when the man came close to him. Without flinching, the boy held the old man's gaze.

“You are the bearer of bad luck.” 

“Bad luck?” 

“They call chaos, those lines,” the man said, pointing at the lines running from Itachi’s eyes down his cheeks. “Chaos will follow you throughout your life.”

Itachi shuddered at those words. 

“I look forward to the day we meet again, Itachi Uchiha,” he said. 

Itachi wished he would never see this man again.

His father heard his mother's account of the meeting with the man attentively. 

“Who was he?” she asked him. 

“Danzo Shimura,” his father said. “He's aide to Lord Third.”

His brother was growing up. Sasuke trotted around him, laughed when he looked at him, trying to hold onto Itachi's fingers. He giggled when he managed to hold Itachi's index finger, and shook it. 

Itachi spent all his free time with his little brother, experiencing a joy he never felt otherwise. It pained him how little time had to spend with him, but he couldn't wait for Sasuke to grow up so they could go on missions together. His brother would be the greatest ninja. Itachi hated losing, but he would never mind losing to Sasuke. 

Despite the warm weather outside, Itachi lay in his bed covered in blankets. The sensation he felt could best be described as terror. This was meant to be a safe mission with Anbu accompanying his genin team. Yet he couldn't get the face of his teammate out of his mind. 

Itachi had seen him. The man who killed his teammate. He had tried to lunge at the man and retrieve his teammate from his grasp, but the power he felt made him realise his own weaknesses. The attack was meticulous, precise, meant to take down only one, and have Itachi witness it. He understood it. The man, whoever he was, wanted Itachi to see Tenma dying. He wanted Itachi to know how powerless he was. 

The image of Tenma dying replayed before him replayed incessantly. No matter how hard he closed his eyes, the image seared in his memory did not dwindle, causing him to clutch his blanket even tighter, seeking comfort in the reality as though he could live in delusion of not having seen the man at all. 

Suddenly, amid heavy breathings and sweaty fingers wiping his face, blood in his veins rushed, reaching his eyes. He felt chakra follow the suit with a dull throbbing behind his eyelids. The room around him trembled as if it had a heart of its own, as if it could read his fear and darken more with a fury an avenging ghost was able to conjure. A sharp pain that he couldn't control or stop pulsed in his eyes. The face of the masked man swam in front of him along with his teammate's lifeless body being carried by Kakashi and his team. 

When he opened his eyes next, the world around him was painted in crimson.

Sasuke sat next to him at night. 

“Nii-san! Nii-san!” the boy cried running around him. In their parents’ absence it was Itachi's duty to look after him. Sasuke picked the cat-ears and placed them over his head.  

Itachi's heart was filled with adoration for the boy, briefly relieving him of the pain of the day he and Tenma had worked together as a team. 

Unaware of his brother's thoughts, Sasuke placed his head in his lap, and Itachi's arms grasped around him protectively on instinct. His heart clenched at the thought further, wounding him. The feelings automatically triggered his sharingan to activate itself without much control, colouring the world around him in red. Sasuke's innocent eyes, untouched and unmarked from violence glanced at him. His brother was pure and innocent, something he had lost a long time ago. 

“Would there be a day when you'd possess these eyes too, Sasuke? Would there be a day when you'd know what real pain is?” 

Too lost in his thoughts, Sasuke did not hear Itachi's words, or the cracks in them. 

He'd been allowed to attend the clan meetings since he was seven. Even though he was too little to know such things, he had graduated from the Academy, which became the basic criteria for an Uchiha to participate in the clan meetings. 

He'd seen all the conflict in the village, especially since the Nine Tail attack, which essentially pushed the clan away from the village and its political centre. Since becoming the Chunin and then preparing for Anbu, he had become an active member of the meetings. He heard them and his father's speeches. 

There was something he did not like about it. 

“Nii-san.” Sasuke knocked at his door as soon as he came home from the mission. “Can I sleep here tonight?” 

“Sasuke.” Itachi breathed. The colour on his face returned when he watched his little brother stumble in his room. “You can sleep here.” 

Sasuke's eyes brightened and he climbed onto the bed, lying on the side, giggling when he saw Itachi look at him with amusement. 

“What happened, Sasuke?” 

“I have a story to tell you,” he whispered even if there was no one around. “I saw a ghost today.”

Itachi's eyes widened in surprise. “A ghost?” 

Sasuke nodded vehemently. His brother was perhaps scared. 

“What did it look like?” 

Sasuke thought for a moment but could not describe the ghost's appearance. 

“Are you even scared or it's a story you made up to sleep in my room?”

Sasuke pouted, unamused at Itachi having read him easily. Itachi lay next to Sasuke and then the child moved close to Itachi, placing his head on Itachi's arm. Sasuke made invisible shapes in the air, humming a tune to himself. Itachi saw the boy in fascination, the preserved innocence. He'd been the reason Itachi looked forward to coming home. 

He couldn't wait for Sasuke to grow up so they could go on missions together. 

The dissonance between the village and the clan was getting worse. Each meeting unveiled new fear in him. He heard the cries and angry voices, insults and agonised murmurs seeking justice through violent means. Everything he feared was coming true before him. 

“We have endured so much,” his father said to the crowd whose eyes were fixed on him. They had been pushed to the outskirts of the village. There were rumours of the clan being under suspicion. The village had not forgotten the Kyuubi attack and the assumptions that Uchiha were behind it. They were still secretly blamed for it, although there was no evidence against them. 

Itachi rejected the ideology of his clan. With each word his father spoke, Itachi found himself shaking his head. 

“Taking advantage of Itachi’s entry into the Anbu, we will move toward a coup d'état,” his father said. 

It had been long overdue. 

“The true objective of you joining the Anbu is to investigate the particulars of the situation in the village, and report back to us,” his father said to him. 

Itachi saw the ocean of dead bodies in front of his eyes, the visuals he had not yet forgotten. He looked at the crowd cheering his name, searching for a single pair of eyes that understood him. They found Shisui who looked at him with a sadness in his eyes that Itachi had never seen before. 

“Our fight will certainly lead to the glory of the Uchihas.” His father ended his speech, followed by the loud voices cheering for Itachi and his father.

“You’re late. What were you up to? I want to talk to you,” his father said. Itachi had spent his free time training with his brother this afternoon. It was one of their few moments they spent together. However, from now on, Itachi was going to be assigned his Anbu missions and Sasuke would start his Academy, cutting their time together even further. His heart clenched at the thought. 

“Yes, Father,” Itachi answered. 

His father was walking ahead of him. Itachi remembered his father's speech at the meeting the other day, feeling a chasm grow wide between them, as if he didn't recognize his own father. His father had shown him the ocean of bodies fraught with blood and pus and grief of the unspoken cries. Now, he was moving towards a path that would invite the similar disaster to all of them. 

His father led him and Sasuke to his own room. He sat on the floor, Itachi and Sasuke sitting in front of him side by side. 

“I’m told it’s tomorrow,” his father said. His father was delighted at his progress. Six months into Chunin and soon he would be an Anbu. The next words his father spoke splashed a cold water over Itachi. 

“Your mission is important,” he said. “And I've decided to accompany you.”

He looked at his father with a mix of astonishment and anger. He could hear Sasuke's heart beat next to him, the words not leaving his brother's mouth out of sheer nervousness. Why had father become so obsessed with the clan matters that he forgot it was Sasuke's first day at the Academy and family members’ presence was mandatory? 

“If you succeed in this mission, Itachi, your entry into the Anbu is basically secured. You know that, yes?” His father's crimson-coloured eyes glared at him. He clearly did not remember tomorrow was a special day for Sasuke. 

Since when had he become so irritable of his father's presence? He knew the answers, but he wouldn't say it. He could feel Sasuke trying to speak next to him, each thread of his confidence shattering when his father's attention did not waver from Itachi. 

“You don’t have to worry about the mission, father. Besides..” Itachi said, looking at Sasuke. He silently encouraged his brother to speak. 

“Dad, tomorrow is my…” Sasuke began. 

“Tomorrow’s mission is a very important one for the Uchiha clan,” Fugaku said. 

Sasuke slumped next to him, tears brimming in his eyes, hands shaking. 

“You know, I’m not going on the mission tomorrow, after all,” Itachi said. Did their father not care about Sasuke at all? 

“What are you talking about, Itachi? Have you lost your mind?” The man's Sharingan flared once again, the eyes having lost the paternal spark in them stared at him in anger. 

“I’m going to Sasuke’s entrance ceremony at the academy tomorrow. It’s customary for relatives to attend. You must have gotten the notice … Father.” 

“Alright,” he said with a huff. “I'll go to the Academy tomorrow.” 

Their father stood up and left the room. Itachi and Sasuke followed him. 

Itachi thought about Naruto, the child with the Nine Tailed Beast sealed within him. No one wanted to do anything with him and when they encountered him, he was met with hatred and derision. Yet Itachi found himself fascinated by the boy, his enthusiasm, and the brightness he exuded. 

“What about Naruto?” Itachi asked Sasuke. They were at the Academy in the same class after all. 

“What about him?” 

“He's your classmate, isn't he?” 

Sasuke's eyes widened in surprise briefly. If Sasuke's life at the Academy was remotely similar to his own, Itachi could easily see kids at the Academy acknowledging his brother's abilities, but none of them tried to befriend him. 

“He’s a total disaster, no matter what they make us do. And he’s always finding a reason to bug me. He’s super annoying.” 

“So, Naruto bugs you?” 

“I don’t think about him at all, but then he’ll come over to me, and start complaining and stuff.”

“Don't talk like that, Sasuke,” Itachi said. “That's not very good. Be nice to him.”

“I can’t be nice to a kid like that.” 

“It’d be nice if you could someday,” Itachi said, placing the palm of his hand on Sasuke’s head.

“There’s totally no way!” Sasuke shut his eyes tightly, his nose wrinkling up, and gritted his teeth. 

Unconsciously, Itachi burst out laughing at the funny expression. His little brother relaxed his face, and also started to laugh. 

The evening passed peacefully.

The man, Danzo Shimura, met Itachi again that day. Itachi had learned more about the man and his Foundation that worked in the darkness and functioned where light never shined. The man had summoned Itachi into his mansion. The rooms inside were dark. The room in which Danzo stood towering over Itachi was the darkest, illuminated only by candles.

Itachi glared at the man, without blinking, without flinching, answering his questions. The eye that stared at Itachi made him feel exposed, almost naked, as if the man saw his raw soul past his skin, yet the attention lingered enough on his flesh. The boy remained resolutely standing in his place. The man continued to tell him of the repercussions, the dangers of the world, as if he wanted Itachi to dare him to challenge and lose, but Itachi did not give him the satisfaction of a response. 

His mind was focused on the future he would create from now on. He could clearly see what he would do in the future. Anbu was an elite force of Konoha where only exceptional ninja were placed. He would rise in the ranks, showing the people Konoha's superiority in strength and also its desire for peace. It would make it hard for any nation to target Konoha and if they did, they would face him. Then, he would be the Hokage someday, entertaining more than just his hope for peace. Violence wouldn't be answered with violence. He would make sure there were alternate ways to solve the issues their world had witnessed since its advent. 

His mind, clouded with his thoughts, noticed rustling in the outer world. Danzo had moved closer to him. The man's gaze penetrated Itachi in the ways no adult had ever looked at him. Despite his body covered with a funnel shirt the man seemed to look past them. He first rested his eyes on Itachi's eyes, lowering them to his cloth-covered throat, then to his chest and down below. The process was soon followed by a thumb on his lip and throat, then his finger pushing the fabric of his shirt aside, lingering a little before retrieving. 

Danzo slightly lowered himself so he could look at the child. The man's breath on Itachi's face made the boy want to vomit. Itachi recoiled at the touch, suddenly unable to keep up his composure. 

“You can leave now.”

His first impression upon entering the windowless room in the basement of the building given to the Anbu was that of disbelief blended with horror. Monitors spying on his clan were placed together in the room. He saw the clan's activities being recorded continuously. If he were to be honest, being the clan's spy, he should inform them of this, but he knew it would only add fuel to the fire. No one would take it well.

“You bring us information, boy?” Danzo spoke. 

Itachi hesitated in front of the four Elders. He spoke slowly as much as he could without adding fuel to the fire. Shisui and he had talked about it; Shisui had plans. They wouldn't go for the path where any side lost. 

Danzo's eyes rested on him a little, seeing through the veil his colleagues did not. When everyone else had left, Danzo ordered Itachi to come to his chambers. 

“Itachi,” he said. “I believe you're a clever boy. Do you understand the consequences?” 

Itachi nodded. This was the third time the man had directed him to his mansion after the other elders had dismissed him. 

“You don't quite understand what I'm asking of you, Itachi. Hiruzen is soft and indecisive. I'm not like him.” The darkened gaze that terrified Itachi graced the man's features once again. This time, instead of speaking further, he kneeled in front of Itachi, and held his jaw in his callous hands. Itachi's efforts to move away were proved fruitless, for the man tightened his grasp, leaving angry red marks on his skin. Itachi wanted to breathe but something forced him not to. 

“I understand you love the village as much as I do but I would expect more cooperation from you, Itachi.” 

If he expected Itachi to answer him, Danzo must have been disappointed. Itachi had come to feel the more he responded to Danzo's threats the more it excited the man. He remained calm, looking at Danzo without expressing the disgust he felt in his presence. This seemed to trigger something in the man who had dominated his subordinates without receiving resistance from them. Itachi was different. The boy, youngest in the Hokage's unit, was not afraid of Danzo Shimura. 

The heavy, filthy breath fanned his face, making Itachi want to vomit right away. He struggled in the grasp which angered the older man even more. The monotonous voice and blank face distorted, offering a sinister glare. 

He unceremoniously turned Itachi around, pulled his trouser down, and before Itachi could understand the savage action, something large invaded his body, violently pushing inside him. He was thrown against the wall, his head colliding against it ruthlessly. Itachi felt indescribable pain shoot within himself when the man thrust himself relentlessly. 

Itachi's mind remembered the incident of the Kyuubi attack when he pushed a large boulder away and saved his mother's life all those years ago. He moved hands from the wall on which he supported himself to weave the hand signs. The man behind him understood and was quick to grasp his hands behind his back. Itachi let out the first painful scream, unable to deny the agony anymore. Danzo covered his mouth with his hand, while the other hand kept Itachi's in its place. 

“I've.. wanted to do this for so… long!” Danzo breathed. The maliciousness in the man's aura deepened as he said these words. “Only if you weren't an Uchiha… It's a pity.”

The man refused to slow down. He gripped Itachi's wrists even harder as if he genuinely considered snapping his bones and breaking them if Itachi resisted. 

“You've been.. the best!” Danzo breathed heavily into his neck. “I can't believe… an Uchiha child.”

Soon, Itachi felt something sticky between his thighs, a confirmation that was followed by Danzo pulling himself out. He removed his hand from his death grip on Itachi's wrists and patted the boy's shoulder, then let go of Itachi's mouth, leaving the child to crash on the floor. His face was red with anger and eyes shone with unshed tears. Itachi looked below only to find a trail of blood between his thighs accompanied with something… gross. He didn't wait to see what it was and pulled his trousers up. 

“You did well,” Danzo spoke, back in his regular monotonous voice. “This should teach you a lesson.” 

Itachi limped forward, uncaring of keeping up his façade. As soon as he exited Danzo's chambers, Itachi felt rancid bile in his mouth, and he vomited, coughing until nothing was left in him. 

He was thankful no one crossed his path when he walked home. He locked himself in the bathroom, sobbing. He hated the weakness he felt, the way his hands had moved too slow to get the man off of him, the way he didn't use his chakra to use his sharingan and get Danzo away from him. 

He quickly deserted his clothes and got into the shower. They smelled like the man he could only describe as a monster. He rubbed rigorously the places Danzo had touched him. He needed to get the sticky thing out of his skin, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't do it. His own blood wouldn't stop. Defeated, he crumbled on the floor until a black shadow claimed him. 

When he woke up, he felt a scalding pain in his body, water hitting his skin, blood still oozing out of him, but declined a great deal. He felt a heaviness in his heart. The incidents of the other day. The clan's joy and his father's speeches, the fears that resurfaced when the discourse headed towards the coup d'état. 

His hands moved to his sachet tied to his trousers, producing a kunai. Without thinking, he plunged it into the skin of his hip where Danzo's hands had held him so tightly it still hurt and the red mark had turned purple. The blood trickled out of the freshly inflicted wound, colouring the tiled floor and dribbling down to his legs, filling him with a kind of horror blood couldn't produce in him. He remembered Danzo's hands holding his wrists and the next target of his assault was the place where the man's fingers had still left their mark. He flinched in pain. This time, there was too much blood. He knew of the veins splitting which could kill.

“Nii-san, you're home early!” Sasuke was home from the Academy. He must have seen Itachi's shoes on the front door.

Hearing his brother's voice, he was woken up from a fever dream. He looked around himself — the running shower couldn't entirely clear the blood leaving his wounds. The boy's voice was soothing. Itachi moved slightly, not without flinching from the pain his movements suddenly caused. 

“Sasuke,” he said, turning off the shower. His voice was shaking, yet remained emotionless. He couldn't let it break when he spoke to his brother. “I'm tired.” 

“Can we go play today? Please, please, please?” Sasuke's enthusiastic voice pierced him. “You'd promised you'll play with me if you came home early. Now you're saying you're tired.” Itachi could hear the pout in the boy's disappointed voice. 

Itachi could not answer the plea. He indeed had promised Sasuke. What he hadn't known was how the day would turn out. He would never taint his little brother with the knowledge or the pain of what he'd seen. He would protect his brother, no matter the cost. 

“Forgive me, Sasuke,” he said to himself quietly in a voice that didn't reach his brother. “Maybe next time.”

Wincing, he got out of the shower, covering himself in a towel and applied antiseptic and bandages on his wounds. He could still feel Danzo's breath on his ears, hear his voice in his head filled with the filth, and the horror that haunted him. He realised he was shaking violently, not because it was getting cold, but he couldn't stop the visuals of all things he'd experienced that day.

Slowly, he dragged himself to his bed, not caring to put on his clothes, and wrapped a blanket around him, suddenly hoping he could hide from the world forever. Without him realising it, his pillow grew damp from his tears. He closed his eyes, trying to erase the memories, the horrors of what he saw a few hours ago.  

Itachi snuggled into the blanket, hiding himself from the monsters that lurked in the corners of his room. He felt like a coward for not being able to face the world. The people he saw dying in war looked at him in disgust for his cowardice. He still couldn't control his trembling body. Itachi hugged himself, drawing the blanket closer to his body, making failed attempts to stop his tears. 

What kind of coward he was, a voice chastised him.

“Is Itachi not joining us for dinner?” his father's voice reached him from the locked door. 

“No, he's been in his room since evening. He said he wanted to rest,” his mother answered. “He will have his dinner when he feels better.” 

After an hour that quite literally crawled, Itachi heard his mother knock at his door. ”Itachi, I've kept dinner for you in the fridge. Make sure you eat it when you're feeling better, okay, honey?”

“Yes, mother.” He wondered why and when his interactions with his mother had become so monosyllabic. He wanted to reach out to her, snuggle in her arms, and let her warmth comfort him from the tempest of the brutality he was subjected to. He realised that his mother was gone and the space outside of his door was empty. 

“You've been missing for two weeks, Itachi,” Shisui said solemnly, watching Itachi draw into himself when Shisui threw the question at him. 

“Lord Third wanted me on an important mission.” It was the truth. However, he could have easily declined those missions, but he didn't. He was a coward who'd rather stay away from Danzo and his father and face his brother than go on a long mission. He couldn't stay at home too long, couldn’t stay in the village, for Danzo would still want him in his chambers. 

Shisui read his face carefully, not buying his lies. The usual cheerfulness from his friend's voice was amiss today. 

“How is your father doing?” he asked. 

Shisui understood Itachi's intent to dodge his question and didn't press further. “Well… He's not doing well. I don't know how long he will —”

Itachi saw the rare display of sadness on his friend's face as he said these words. He remembered the man who died in front of him in such clarity and wondered what his thoughts in his final moments were. Had Shisui's father also begun to feel the same?

“Itachi,” Sasuke said to him. “Help me train, please.” Sasuke wanted him to show the progress he'd made since he started his Academy. His little brother hadn't been too pleased with him for avoiding him all the time on the pretext of missions and training with Shisui. Itachi, however, had to recall the last time he and Shisui had trained together. It had been years. 

“Sorry, Sasuke,” Itachi said, flicking his brother's forehead, “I'm tired right now. Maybe next time.” 

Sasuke touched his forehead with both his hands and stood pouting at him. “What do you mean you're tired? You're never tired, nii-san!” 

But Itachi had already retired to his room, leaving a grumbling Sasuke who huffed when his brother did not answer him. 

It had become a game, a regular habit. Whenever Danzo violated him, Itachi would come back to his room, run the kunai over the places touched by the old man's hands and his filthy breath. There were very few things Danzo loved; and hurting him was one of the things he enjoyed the most.

There was still a lot of blood that flowed out of him every time Danzo hurt him. He was still as hopeless and weak against the man as he was on the first day. The knife on his skin offered him relief, the pain rivalling the agony he felt in the presence of Danzo yet not being enough. 

Coward.

"Nii-san, can I sleep in your room tonight?” 

“No, Sasuke, I'm tired. Why don't you go to your own room?”

“You always do this, Itachi.” Sasuke made a face, tears shining in his eyes. Itachi was tired. It wasn't the physical weariness — no, it was an exhaustion that ran deep in his soul, and he knew no way of curing it. Every time Sasuke appeared in front of him with the requests of spending more time with him, Itachi felt like he was inflicting his little brother with something unforgivable, something Sasuke should never have known. It was exactly the opposite of what he'd aimed to do. 

He wanted to protect Sasuke, not cause him pain.

Shisui met him late that evening. He had gone to the meeting. The meetings in which Itachi was no longer welcomed. Itachi's rebellious views that went against his father and the clan's wishes were not appreciated. Whenever he went, the angry red eyes glared at him in unison. His efforts to make them understand the shortsightedness of their folly were long proven futile. The other nations that had sat silently so far were waiting for an opportunity for an uprising for their existence that thrived on bloodlust and violence. And what could be better than a revolt from the Uchiha clan, which alone could dismantle the village and the Land of Fire? 

Shisui understood his plight. He had come up with a plan. “We'll discuss it when we meet, Itachi,” he said to him several days ago. Time was running out. The clan was seriously moving towards a well-planned revolt to take over the village. From what he'd gathered, Danzo was well prepared to retaliate as well. 

Itachi trusted Lord Third for the action. He would understand the clan's plight if his father chose to meet him. 

Shisui appeared silently behind him as Itachi stood over the cliff that overlooked the Nakano River. The evening had settled into a night, welcoming the stars and a crescent moon. 

“I'm glad you're here,” Shisui said. “I have a plan.” 

Itachi looked at him intently. 

“I will use Kotoamatsukami on Lord Fugaku,” he said, waiting for Itachi to respond. When Itachi kept quiet, he continued, “It will put him in a Genjutsu and alter his thought process. He will come to view the village as a friendly place.” 

Itachi understood in an instant where this would lead to. He knew of Shisui's Mangekyou ability. But using it on his father? If the clan members found out, Shisui, too, would be seen as an outsider. 

“Itachi, one more thing,” Shisui said. “Make sure you don't attend tomorrow's meeting at all.”

Shisui knew Itachi wasn't wanted in the meetings anymore.  

“Your father might force you to, but make sure you stay away. Tomorrow, I promise, everything will be alright.” 

If Shisui said so, Itachi had every reason to believe in him. But why was it necessary for him to stay out of the meetings? 

“Our clan suspects you of treason,” Shisui continued. This wasn't new to Itachi. “So, they assigned me to spy on you.”

The hurt on his face was clearly obvious. His own father had consented to Shisui to spy on him. 

“If you're present there, and Lord Fugaku changes his stance, the clan will suspect it was you who did something.” 

Itachi trusted Shisui all too much. 

“Father, I can't make it to the mission,” Itachi said to his father as they sat in the living room. Shisui had asked him to not come to the meeting and Itachi would not go. The look on his father's face changed, became livid, then tinted red with anger.

“Why not?” The words were clipped and precise. 

“I have a mission tomorrow,” he said quietly. His calm words were spoken in a tone with complete contrast to his father's. 

“What mission?” 

“I can't say. It's covert.” Itachi was exhausted. The discussion exhausted him. He noticed his brother's chakra out of the room, a thought that angered him. How could his parents be so absorbed in this discussion that they didn't even notice Sasuke was outside the room? 

Unconcerned by Sasuke's presence, his father continued, “You are a pipeline that connects the clan with the center of the village.” His father's eyes were red. 

He was meant to be a spy of the clan, however, he had abandoned the job a long time ago when he refused to clear the clan's suspicions and report back to them of their monitoring. If he had, the clan would have been even more eager to go further with the coup and more quickly. It would fuel the fire of anger among the young people whose hearts hadn't been coloured with resentment towards the village. What would happen if that stage was achieved? 

A war that the nations were waiting for, followed by the Uchiha clan's defeat and persecution, and the name tainted forever. Itachi, in his short life, had understood Konoha was not pure and innocent. He knew it wasn't only the Uchiha clan, but also a child within whom a monster had been sealed to save the village, and the child was further isolated, without ever letting him know. 

The discussion with his father went on. Itachi was adamant on his stance, whereas his father willed him desperately to change his mind. Itachi felt Sasuke's presence behind him stronger, and apologized to himself for using Sasuke to get out of the situation he couldn't find another way. He turned his gaze towards his brother.

“Sasuke. If you’re done in the washroom, hurry up and go to back to bed,” he said, turning to his brother. 

“A - all right,” Sasuke said. 

“Shisui?” Itachi said. He stood in the same place Shisui had promised to meet him a day before. It was too early for Shisui to be here. He heard the loud roar of the river. The wind was cold tonight. 

“Forgive me, Itachi,” Shisui said, stepping into the light cast by the crescent moon. His right eye was closed and blood had tricked down from the space where his eye was supposed to be. His steps were unsteady and weak. “I failed.”

Shisui's words were like knife piercing his heart. 

“What happened to your eye?” 

“I couldn't even get to the meeting… Today they will decide on the key parts of the coup. Itachi, our plan failed.”

Itachi couldn't silence his heart that beat too fast, without any control when he gauged the situation before him. “That doesn't mean it's over,” he said. 

Shisui made a small sound that reflected the confirmation of the failure of their mission. Shisui had failed. 

“It doesn't look like there's a way to stop the coup. If the village starts fighting itself, other villages will definitely attack. And it will be a trigger for a war.” 

Itachi did not want to hear Shisui say these words. He wanted to scream at Shisui to stop being so hopeless. 

“Just when I was about to use kotoamatsukami to stop the coup, Danzo stole my right eye. He doesn't trust me at all. He intends to protect village his own way. I suspect he'll come after my left eye too,” Shisui said. He plucked his remaining eye from his eye socket, letting a stream of blood flow from it. 

“Shisui…”

“You're my best friend. You're the only one I can trust. Protect the village and the Uchiha name, Itachi.” 

Shisui slowly kneeded chakra in his hands. A bird floated in the air, and sat on his extended arm. The eye Shisui had removed from himself merged into the bird's. 

Internally, Itachi continued to scream at Shisui with pleas of Don't die. Don't go, please. The words never left his mouth; they simply merged into the vast emptiness he felt inside of him. 

“Itachi… I'm sorry,” Shisui said. “I'm counting on you to handle the rest.”

Those were Shisui's last words to him. Itachi reached out with his hand to touch his best friend — if he could to stop him from dying — but Shisui had already jumped off the cliff, morphing into the darkness that claimed his surroundings. 

He stood numb, trying to understand the reality of what had happened. He looked within himself for answers. As a result, something warm floated in his eyes. A small flame that began from his eyes, soon engulfed his entire body. When he opened his eyes, the world once again was red before him.

Itachi sat with Sasuke. It had been several hours since Shisui's death. Soon his absence would be noticed. Sasuke's presence comforted Itachi. He hated the fact that he couldn't offer his brother anything more than these disconnected moments to spend with him. And whenever he did, it was because Sasuke kept him sane. Despite this, he felt his little brother growing distant from him. A hand slipping away from his grasp, no matter how hard he held onto it. 

“Father only cares about you, Itachi,” Sasuke said, his score card on his side. Sasuke had scored perfect As in his exams, and their father's less than warm response broke the boy's heart. 

“You probably hate me, huh.” 

“No, I don't,” Sasuke answered. 

Itachi smiled. His little brother wasn't a very good liar. “It's okay.. People always think ill of the Shinobi. Being best isn't all it's cracked up to be. When you have power you become arrogant and isolated, no matter how sought after you are in the beginning.” 

Sasuke heard his brother quietly although Itachi could tell he was trying to deny what he suspected about him. 

“But with us it's different. You and I are flesh and blood. I'm always going to be there for you. Even if it's an obstacle for you to overcome. Even if you do hate me.” 

Deep in his heart, Itachi wished there would never be a day when Sasuke would hate him. He couldn't live with the thought that his little brother hated him

He couldn't do it. 

Itachi had never run a knife over his skin other than the times Danzo touched him, but right now, he couldn’t help himself. He dug the sharp tip of the knife into his skin, drawing more blood than necessary and let it flow. He remembered the accusations and hate and indifference. All of which wounded him. 

He thought of Shisui who'd left him with the responsibility to stop the coup, yet Itachi had never felt so lost in his life. 

It wasn't the first time the thought of killing Danzo had crossed his mind. However, it was for the first time the man said it loud to Itachi. 

“You cannot kill me, Itachi.” The usual monotonous tone of the man was tinted with dark amusement. “You're an Uchiha. If the village finds out you killed me or you tried to kill me, your clan will be held responsible for it. You will not want it to happen, Itachi.”

The hand that had tightened on his sword slackened on its own. “You cannot kill me, Itachi, and you cannot escape me.” 

Danzo had never been direct with his threats until now. 

“But you deserve punishment for your impertinence.”

Itachi understood all too well what it meant. He instinctively moved back, his back hitting the locked door behind him. He didn't remember locking the door when he entered. Suddenly, he was pulled to his knees, Danzo standing before him. Dark, loathsome stench filled him when something solid was shoved into his mouth. He tried to grope for something to hold onto when the monstrous weight of the man pushed him further down, repeatedly slamming his head on the wall. Tears left his eyes unchecked. The man held his hair tightly without giving him an escape, continuing to push his hardness into Itachi's mouth. Large hands held his wrist. His numbed body and mind regained senses when he felt something nasty flow in his mouth, and he used all his strength to get away, falling away from the place where the man held him. It didn't escape Itachi that Danzo had let him go at the last moment. 

The boy vomited in the place he collapsed, still trying to recollect his scattered thoughts, failing to grasp at the single strand of sanity. 

“I want you to report back to me the developments of the next meeting,” Danzo stated. 

“Itachi, come play with me.” Sasuke walked to him. 

Itachi flicked his forehead. “Sorry, Sasuke. Maybe next time.”

Sasuke pouted at his brother, holding his forehead in both his hands. “You promised.”

“I'm tired.”

“What do you mean you're tired? You can't be tired.” 

Sasuke watched his brother leave, pained at his fading sight. Itachi didn't want to be hated, but he wasn't doing a good job. 

Itachi had stopped attending the meetings a long time ago. The refusal to side with his clan also came with a distance with his family. A year since the day Shisui killed himself, Itachi was yet to speak with his father properly. He came home very little now. He took more and more missions so he could avoid being home. A part of him couldn't push away the voice that screamed at him to give Shisui's sacrifice a justice. What had he done all this year other than avoiding and hoping Shisui's death could wake up his clan and they dropped the idea of the coup? His death had slowed down their progress, evidently. It still wasn't enough to make them give up on the plan. 

Today was the day they would decide the clan's future. Itachi slowly walked through the door of the meeting hall, suddenly attracting a myriad of eyes that shone red at his mere sight. Before someone could speak, he said in a loud, clear voice, “I'm here to talk.”

“What do you want to talk about now?” Yashiro said. Inabi stood next to him, his eyes flickering red like the rest of the people present in the hall. 

“The village isn't as kind as you think it is.. The coup d'état… this is madness,” Itachi said. 

He was met with resistance and accusations, similar to the previous ones before he'd stopped attending the meetings. 

“You might be a prodigy,” someone said, “but you're still a child. You don't understand what we adults do.”

Followed by his silence his father's sharp words echoed, directed to him. “Anyone who says they will lose without even trying is not qualified to be a ninja. Leave this place, Itachi.”

When Itachi did not move, his father continued. “Winning and losing is secondary. We must act first. The people of the village should know of the discrimination we face. They will fear us and the village will have to change.”

“You're already feared,” Itachi said, defeated. 

A shadow of sadness passed over his father's face. “Why don't you understand, Itachi? I'm doing this for you. For your future. We will change the way the village looks at the Uchiha so that your children and grandchildren don't have to go through what we did.”

“If you're thinking about us, why would you do something so foolish?” Itachi said without thinking. 

Suddenly, the cries filled with anger and hatred rose from the crowd. “Get out!” some said. 

“Traitor!” 

“Murderer!’ 

Itachi had lost the will to say anything anymore. He quietly walked out of the meeting hall. 

Their fate was set in stone. Ten days from now, the attack on the Hokage would commence. 

Danzo threw the boy on the table. His usual tedious tone was replaced with something more cheery today. After the meeting with the Council, in which Third Hokage requested Itachi to give him some more time, Danzo had ordered Itachi to come to his chambers. It was obvious to Itachi that the Third was far from interested in stopping the coup. They had had an entire year since Shisui's death. If the Third Hokage wanted, he could have reached out to his father to negotiate. But he wanted to follow Danzo's path. He wouldn't say it, but he would not deny Danzo the power he desired to annihilate the clan. 

This time, after the process that Danzo had followed countless times behind these walls, wounding the boy, violating him, he stood in front of Itachi. Itachi stared blankly at the man. 

“We must take action,” he said. “The Uchiha cannot be allowed to go freely.”

Itachi knew what was going to happen. “But there's a way to save your little brother.”

Itachi heard the man quietly. He marvelled at his patience, standing before the man he despised the most. 

“Once it actually happens, your brother will learn about everything. If he sees his clan obliterated by the ninjas of Konoha, he will come to nurture a desire for vengeance on the village. And then he will have to die,” 

“Is that a threat?”

“No,” Danzo said. “I want you to make a choice. Only you can do this, Itachi.”

Itachi knew why it had to be only him. If a Konoha Shinobi indeed did the job instead of him, the other clans would forever be under suspicion and live with the fear of meeting the same fate as the Uchiha. It had to be done by only him — a mentally unstable boy killing his family and his clan and fleeing the village. 

“This is the only way,” Danzo said, “to ensure the peace in the village isn't disturbed, and your brother survives.”

Itachi took a deep breath. The finality of the words weighed him so down it was visible to the man in front of him. 

The days were numbered. The clan had attained a state of tranquillity that surprised Itachi. Itachi watched Sasuke, his every movement, every effort Itachi denied to get close to him. Sasuke understood nothing about the matter and he would never know the truth. 

“So, we meet again, Itachi Uchiha,” the man in the mask spoke to him. He stood in the dark portion of the forest, clearly amused at the discovery the boy had made. “What do you want?”

Itachi had been keeping an eye on him, and knew what the man wanted. The words in his mouth were frozen. 

“I know who you are and what you want,” Itachi said. 

“That saves me much trouble.”

Without much wait, Itachi spoke about what he had come here for. “I will help you exact revenge upon the Uchiha. In return, you'll leave the village unharmed. And also.. You will not touch Sasuke Uchiha.”

“I have no use of a child without the Sharingan,” the masked man said. 

“How can I know… but right now, I have no other option than to trust you.”

It had been hours since he plunged his sword in the heart of his first victim. It was a man, making failed attempts to fight back against him, despite knowing it was futile. Then followed his father and his older brother. Madara had already killed the mother and the other two women of the house, rendering the men to panic and run in hope of finding shelter. The rest of his unsuspecting victims were attacked in the same manner. He pushed the swords into their hearts, not allowing a painful cry to escape. They were dead before they realised what happened.

He paused in front of a familiar door. It was Shisui's father. His dead friend's sick father, Itachi reminded himself. His hands shook when he heard the man groan. But before he could make sense of the invader's presence in his house, Itachi had thrust sword in his chest, killing the man without a scream. 

He watched the blood splutter out of the slain man, remembering Shisui's last words to him, and choked. No, this wasn't the time to fall into weakness. 

There was commotion in the Uchiha district by now. People were running to save their lives. Madara's silhouette flickered from one house to another, thrashing and killing the victims mercilessly. 

Itachi reached the home of the two people who had adored him since childhood. Aunt Iruchi and Uncle Teyaki, now worn and old, looked at him in horror. 

“Itachi, what is going on? Who is doing all this?” Uncle Teyaki said, not keeping the fear out of his voice. Despite looking at Itachi's blood stained clothes they did not suspect the boy to have committed the crime. 

Itachi sighed deeply. Apologising to the old couple, he raised the sword to kill Aunt Iruchi, but Uncle Teyaki was quick to push her away. As a result, they both landed on the floor, away from the place the sword targeted the old woman. Itachi avoided looking into their eyes. He heard them give a cry of horror when he lifted his sword again, this time effectively killing Aunt Iruchi. Her husband looked at Itachi's face coloured in red, murmuring curses soaked in grief to him, and quietly surrendered himself to his fate. 

The entire Uchiha district was painted in blood and deathly silence. There was only one place left to go. 

Itachi sat on the pole, watching the silence burn him. He saw his brother scamper towards their house. He was still far away, but it wouldn't be long before Sasuke would reach home. Itachi shut his eyes. He would never see his brother again. He wished he could tell Sasuke how much he loved him. He wouldn't be able to tell him anything anymore. He wished to wipe this day forever from his memories. A part of him still believed he was trapped in a nightmare that had lasted too long. 

Before Sasuke reached home, Itachi had to go there and finish the job. Madara had already left. 

“Come in. There are no traps,” his father said behind the door. 

Itachi tumbled into the house. He watched his parents seated, their back to him. Surrender was the only word that came to his mind. 

“So, you've aligned with the other side.” 

“Mother… Father..” Itachi's voice was suddenly small, tired. He shrank behind his parents. He felt weak and vulnerable like a child his age would feel in the presence of his parents. He remembered the days before all went wrong, before all the obligations towards the village and the clan pulled him away from his family. He should have spent more time with his parents. 

“We understand, Itachi,” his mother said, cutting the line of his thoughts. 

“Just promise us one thing,” his father said. “Take care of Sasuke.”

Tears welled up in his eyes. “I will.”

His parents had accepted their fate. There would be no bloodbath tonight in this house. To him, his parents seemed old. As if they had lived an entire lifetime and he had been left out of it. He had missed out on the love they had for him, missed out of being a part of his family. He had been too busy in his goals, and now, he was going to lose his parents forever. A sharp, fresh pain bubbled in his chest at the realisation that he would never see his parents again. It would be this moment and he would be an orphan. 

“Do not worry. This is the path you have chosen. Compared to yours our pain will be over in an instant.”

Itachi sobbed at these words. He felt his mother flinch. He wanted to mourn all the time he had lost not being their son, to place his head in his mother's lap, and let her comfort his aching heart. 

“I should have believed in you. Maybe you could have been the first Uchiha Hokage.” His father's body shook, and Itachi realized his father was trying not to cry, but failing. “I stole your future from you. But it's too late for anything now. Even if our philosophies differ, I'm still proud of you.” 

Itachi crumbled behind his father, not hiding his tears anymore. He had wanted to hear those words out in the sunlight. How happy would he have been to be wearing the Hokage’s hat in front of the people of the village, and hear that from his proudly smiling father? Another dream that would never come true. 

Itachi leaned his head against his father's back, finding warmth the cold night refused to offer him. He had never pestered his parents. He'd never been spoiled by his parents. He had been too busy with the life that he forgot to be their son. Now, as his father said, it was too late. He heard the sounds of Sasuke's footsteps in the corridor. He could hear fear in the child's ragged breaths when Sasuke reached the house. There was no time left. 

Itachi pushed his sword in his mother's heart, watching blood leave her body as it stopped moving instantly. Something shattered inside of him when he watched his mother's bloodied corpse. 

“You are truly a kind child.”

Still shaking, he turned towards his father, plunging the sword into his back. Tears mixed with his parents’ blood wetted his hands. He pulled out the sword slowly, when he believed his father's life had ended. 

Itachi hated what he had become.

Sasuke looked at him with a look of pure horror and agony that a child his age should never have felt. Itachi remembered the promise he'd made himself seven years ago. To keep his brother safe. The way his little brother looked at him, beseeching him to not go, Itachi wondered how much of his promise was he fulfilling. 

Sasuke had shown the desire to live. So he would not take his life. He couldn't. 

Itachi moved away, watching his view become clouded with tears, when he saw Sasuke collapse before the red glow, infamous for an Uchiha, flared in his eyes. He would have another reason to live. 

Itachi knew Anbu would be on their way soon. His teary eyes looked at his brother one last time, fully aware he wouldn't see his brother until the end of his life. 

“Live, Sasuke. Please.” 

Itachi appeared behind Danzo, wearing a cat mask. “I saw everything,” he said. “I'll keep watching. If you so much as touch Sasuke, I'll pass on the classified village intel to the enemy nations.”

“You should know what it will do to the village, Itachi,” Danzo said, displeased at his toy raising a voice against him. 

“I'm no longer in the village now,” Itachi said. 

Danzo grumbled. “I thought you were a capable pawn. But it seemed I misjudged you.”

“If you hurt Sasuke, I will destroy you. Remember that.”

It had been hours since Itachi left the village. His clothes and skin smelled of blood and sweat and death. The night was deep, coloured black, skies painted red as though all the blood he'd spilled was reflected in the skies, a vast landscape against the icy moon. The cold wind slapped his face. Madara had told him of the destination to meet, reaching where would still take several hours. 

The farther he moved away from his home the weaker he felt. Eventually, it was Sasuke's cries fresh in his mind that stopped him. He looked around to see if his little brother was indeed around. The emptiness of his surroundings made him conscious of his helplessness. 

There was no Sasuke around. 

He had no parents anymore. 

A loud cry ripped through him, startling the birds resting on the trees, as he collapsed on the ground unprotected by the foliage and grass. It skinned his knees, burned the part of his hip where he'd cut himself two days ago. The faces of his parents floated in front of his eyes, their final moments and words spoken to him with so much love that he hated the ninja he became. 

He closed his ears to block the sounds of his victims that pervaded his mind. His father's words, his mother's smile, Sasuke's small happy trot whenever he saw Itachi.

He would never see that again. He would never see little brother again until the end of his life. 

“Mom! Dad!” he screamed into the emptiness, hoping they could come back to him, or answer him. Or if it was a nightmare he could wake up from it. Nothing happened. He screamed again and again and again until his throat was hoarse and eyes became blurry. 

Devoid of all strength, he lay down on the ground, sobbing, murmuring his parents and brother's names, and fell asleep. 

It was the rustling of the wind along with the noise of the footsteps that woke him up. In his groggy state, he felt something heavy on his chest, something that swirled inside of him, sucking him into a vortex making death an easier option.

“You should be more careful, Itachi.” Madara appeared before him. Unlike Itachi, he seemed unaffected by the act of violence they both had carried out a few hours ago. 

“Sasuke!” Itachi said under his breath, unsure why. Maybe chanting Sasuke's name, remembering that he had to live and die at his brother's hands in the coming years would give him strength to move. 

“Your brother is safe. He is in the Konoha hospital,” Madara said. “They're tending to his wounds.” 

The wounds Itachi had inflicted upon him. 

Madara stared at the boy from behind his mask. The man was lost in his thoughts for a while. 

“Itachi, it's time to go. The leader is waiting for us.” 

Chapter Text

I have to remind myself to breathe -- almost to remind my heart to beat!

Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

He needed to move. They'd been waiting for too long in the town. His partner, Juzo, had already warned him of the consequences they could face if they stayed long. His intuition had proven to be wrong. He still thanked the man internally for listening to him. He'd been surprised when Juzo agreed to his advice, a development he was not expecting. Upon being proven wrong, Juzo did not yell at him, did not grumble because of him. The voices of discomfort the man made were due to them having to walk in the blazing sun, for which he blamed himself, not Itachi. 

A month into the Akatsuki and he was still lost. He worried for Sasuke constantly. Sometimes he wondered if killing Danzo instead of threatening him would have been a better option. But Danzo had proven to be an important figure in keeping the threats away from the village. He knew Itachi would not shy away from revealing Konoha's dark secrets — one of which he was not only a witness to but also the executor — which would, in essence, destroy the village's reputation, and any opportunity to make peace with any other nation would only be met with revulsion, thwarting all hopes of a peace Konoha could afford. He knew very well Konoha, as feared as it was, was also seen with derision for many of its policies that concerned its neighbours. The truth regarding the Uchiha massacre would work as a spark capable of evolving into something more sinister, more substantial that could set the village on fire. 

He knew, in his own twisted way, Danzo loved the village and would not want any harm to come to it. And as long as the village was safe, Sasuke was safe too. 

Yet he could not trust Danzo and the Elders in the village. He had very little faith in the Third Hokage and his promises. Before his departure Itachi had requested the man to look after his brother. He remembered the conversation clearly. His name was already marked in the Bingo Book and he would never be allowed to sneak into the village ever again. He never planned to do it. Yet, in his heart he considered himself to be of Konoha. The place where Sasuke lived was his home. Even if he wanted to abandon it, he couldn’t. 

Danzo's Foundation had been disbanded, although Itachi knew he wasn't the one to sit quietly and lose power he had over the village. The people who were monitoring the Uchiha clan were ordered to keep an eye on Danzo. 

There was no longer any need to monitor the Uchiha clan. Itachi's heart clenched at the thought. 

His Akatsuki partner and he walked side by side. The man looked at the boy's morose face, examining it, reading it, searching for something Itachi could not allow himself to reveal. He couldn't tell why and when the older man had become so interested in his life. His brusque personality, desire to spill blood, disinterest in everything going on in the world, let alone in his life stayed in sharp contrast to the trace of concern he occasionally showed Itachi. 

Initially, the man hadn't been pleased to learn he would be paired with a child. Itachi's reputation of having murdered his clan at the young age of twelve did nothing to impress the experienced older ninja. Itachi was just a nuisance that the man had to babysit because everyone else had partners of their own. 

Itachi appreciated his lack of interest in him. It was, unfortunately, slowly changing. He would be lying if he said he hadn't been slightly afraid of the man at first. One of the earliest reasons for the man to not acknowledge him was the way he quivered when Juzo reached out to him with his hand, an offhand gesture of greeting. The memory of Danzo's hands reaching out to him the same way was far too fresh in his mind. But to his surprise Juzo only raised his hand without touching him. Itachi knew if the man attacked him he would fight back and kill him in return. But this was a different kind of fear. 

The sun had set too soon in this mountain-flanked village. The night came early. Every time he looked at the darkness in front of him, the otherwise innocuous shapes of the trees and rocks took sinister form. They looked like the people he killed that fateful night. The faces of his parents came first, then they dissolved into the darkness, and more came fiercely, screaming and crying. They reached out to catch him, willing to drown him in their blood. Shisui stared at him from the corner, not bothering to hold his friend. It was Sasuke's screams that made Itachi clutch on to life. He couldn't let the dead take him away so soon. 

“Hey, kid,” Juzo said, standing out of the room in which Itachi had fallen. “You okay? You've been screaming too long.” 

Itachi looked around himself. He was sweaty and panting. There was no darkness and no rocks or trees. The candle in the room was extinguished, but the light from the streetlamp still penetrated the space, illuminating the form of his partner briefly. 

“I'm alright,” Itachi said. His voice was low and weak. The memory of his father's affectionate face distorted into a ghostly and unfamiliar look horrified him. The memory of his mother's kindly expressions turning unrecognisable was a stab into his fragile heart. He saw the child that had tried to hide from him after hearing his parents screaming, but was defenceless to protect himself from the monster that would take his entire family away from him, not even sparing his life, no matter how much the child begged him to not kill his parents and him. The child's pained look never looked vicious to him. The boy hadn't even stepped into the realm of the destructive humanity Itachi had been coloured into from a young age. 

Juzo looked at him, then moved away, without uttering another word. 

He craved the pain that came with the tip of the knife drilling into his skin. It had become a recurring phenomenon for him. The blood calmed him, comforted him, and simultaneously tormented him. He sought his comfort in his brother's memories, despising himself for even keeping Sasuke in his thoughts — the child whose innocence had been ripped out of him because of Itachi. Sometimes when Itachi's mouth formed the words of apology he realised he wouldn't ever be worthy of it. Sasuke must never know his truth, let alone forgive him. 

When Juzo and Itachi fought the Mizukage, Juzo's demise was the last thing he'd considered. His brutality, willingness to take even death in his stride, and fearlessness had made Juzo an invincible figure to him. The man couldn't be killed. Yet he was dying. 

When he took his last breath, Itachi stood by his side.

“Do you have any last words to say to anyone?” Itachi wasn't certain why he asked him this. To whom would criminals like them have to say their last words? They had nobody. 

“Who would I have to send a last message to?” Juzo grumbled, then groaned in pain, moving slightly. “But it looks like you would.”

Itachi swallowed hard. The perpetual mask of indifference he wore slipped a little, revealing the wounded heart and broken spirit. In any other circumstances he would be thankful to the power that gave him the strength to not express his feelings in front of others. But right now, he thought about his little brother, at home in Konoha, training in order to kill him. 

If he were to die before Sasuke was ready to kill him, would Itachi want Sasuke to know his last words? Maybe he wouldn't know until the moment of his death. 

No one in the Akatsuki seemed disconcerted by the fact that one of their comrades had died for their mission. The news of his death was shared casually, then the discussion moved on to other things. Itachi couldn't keep the dying man's last moments out of his mind. He did not want to die in his homeland. Itachi wondered what it was like to hate his homeland so much that even death in the place was not preferable. Before leaving Juzo, he had placed his sword's remains in his hands in hope this could provide the man the comfort people deserved in their last moments. 

He had hated cruel and violent people all his life, so the quiet lament for Juzo surprised him too. 

The way the Akatsuki reacted to his death humbled Itachi even further. He knew he was cherished for his powers. Despite this, he was only a disposable pawn to the Akatsuki. The moment he died, he would be replaced with someone else, like Juzo was. It did not pain him. This was a reality he had accepted a long time ago. 

His new partner was going to be Kisame. Just like Juzo, he, too, was a former Kiri Shinobi. Just like Itachi he, too, had killed his comrades. But unlike Itachi, Kisame saw hope in the future. He looked forward to a tomorrow Itachi knew would never come for him. Kisame did not keep things in his heart. He looked at the world, admired it, and offered opinions on the grievances it caused him. However, he did little to change them. 

Itachi often wondered if his own maimed heart could see hope in the future. Whenever he searched for hope, he found his little brother's tethered soul, drawn and broken because of him, his parents’ corpses, the strangers and acquaintances he killed, their ghosts trapped in a limbo because their murderer was walking free. 

No, there was never any hope for him. He envied Kisame sometimes. 

The first anniversary of the Uchiha massacre was hard on the boy. Itachi sat, locked in the room of the inn on their way to Sunagakure, ignoring Kisame's requests that they needed to leave soon. They needed to leave early in the morning and Itachi wasn't the one to delay their journey. Even then, he couldn’t move his limbs. It was like the invisible threads were pulling him to stay in the place and even the slightest of the movements would cause him to fall apart. 

He sat on the bed, covering his mouth with his hand, holding back the wails that he could barely conceal anymore. His father, mother, and his brother's faces came to him. He wanted his mother. He wanted her to hold him. He wanted his father by his side. 

If he cried loud enough would she hear him? If he prayed to some gods would his father come back to him? 

Sometimes, when he was too weak to resist, he entertained the idea of crawling back to his brother, keeping his tired head in his lap and crying until all his tears were dried out of him. He wanted his brother to be by his side, with him. 

Itachi knew if he left the room today, his feet would take him back to Konoha on their own, back to his little brother and all he'd hoped for both of them would be futile. 

But how could he ever look at the boy whom he had done nothing but hurt? The little rational part of his mind whispered. 

Sometimes, he wanted to end it all. But it was Sasuke's thoughts that kept him from doing something so reckless he would regret. 

“Sasuke, when will you come?” he said to no one in the darkness of his room. No one answered him. 

It wasn't for the first time he saw a mother and her child that he thought of his own mother. The woman held her son's hand in her own, walking with him in the crowded market and disappeared from his view, leaving in his heart a pain that thudded quietly inside of him. He searched for a similar memory of his own with his mother, but there were none that crossed his mind. 

He let out a choked sob that went unnoticed by Kisame by his side. 

If he hadn't killed her with his own hands, if he had been a better son, if he knew when to stop being a ninja and be a son, he would have the moments he envied in other people. 

He often thought about Juzo. He hoped the man was in a better place now.

They'd walked too long in the snowy mountains, the journey in which refused to end. Itachi felt tired and soon he was in no state to go on. Kisame, although looking in a better state, suggested they could rest in the nearby inn. Despite not wanting to stop, Itachi couldn't deny the offer. He was far too tired to go on. 

By the evening, when it had stopped snowing, and Kisame was out on a business he never shared with Itachi, stating it wasn't his business what Kisame did outside of their profession, the boy himself took a small journey in the unnamed hamlet, known for an ancient shrine outside of the village. 

The town was enveloped in an exquisite whiteness, shimmering with the lights of the houses springing to life, blinking here and there in the distance. He felt a chill in the air which did not stop him from taking a look around. It was better than sitting in the room all day. 

It was a lonely place as if the town accepted people of its own will, throwing away those it did not want. Itachi continued to walk until he stood in front of the old shrine the lonesome place was renowned for. A large wooden torii gate separated his world from the deities’ that sat within the sanctuary. The gabled roof covered in snow dripped icicles from all the corners, resembling the rainfall amid snow. There were hardly any footsteps on the stairs leading to the Haiden. Itachi stood in a trance watching the world so sacred his own fists curled tightly in his palm, his knuckles turning white. 

“You're the first person to come here in days,” a woman's voice gently shook him out of his stupor. 

He turned around. It was an old woman. Her pale, wrinkled face brightened with a smile at his sight. “Aren't you a little too young to be walking here alone?” 

He wanted to say he would soon be turning fourteen, but decided against it. “I'm on a mission,” Itachi said instead, indicating that he wasn't too young. “I travel alone a lot of times.”

The woman's face twisted into a pained grimace. “You're still too young. What are they making kids do these days!” She didn't expect him to answer and Itachi didn't answer her. Later, she invited him inside the shrine, apologising to him for making him wait. 

“I apologise,” he said. “I did not wish to go further than this. I came here by accident.”

The woman raised her hand and hushed him. “No one comes here by accident,” she said. “You should come in.” 

He was determined to not go further, although he did not refute her. He entered the temple premises, stepping into the lights, letting the old woman observe his features for the first time properly. Her eyes dimmed into a kind of sadness that was uncharacteristic for a stranger to harbour for another stranger. “Those lines… They mean bad luck. It will follow you everywhere.” 

He looked away. Memories of similar words spoken to him a lifetime ago came back to him, sharp and taunting. But unlike Danzo, the woman didn't seem pleased with the knowledge. 

“You seem tired. You can rest here.” 

“I have to go back to the inn.” 

“Then take something that will remind you of this place.” 

He wanted to ask why, but he was indeed too tired to form words. The woman disappeared in a hut he believed was her home. She came back to him with several small flattened rings and a golden chain. “You should keep these,” she said, handing them over to him. 

He looked at the chain, examined the rings, surprised to find the engravings on them. They read the initials that sounded familiar to him. ‘F,’ ‘M,’ S,’ and ‘S.’ They indicated the initials of his parents’ names, of Sasuke, and Shisui's. How did she know? Was this an accident? 

“I told you, no one comes here by accident.” The woman offered a kind smile. She reached out a gentle hand to his face, caressing it. Itachi flinched and turned away from her, feeling guilty for having the reflexes against a harmless woman who had shown only kindness to him. She wasn't like Danzo. 

“What is your name?” she asked. 

“Itachi… Uchiha.” 

He knew how people reacted to his name. As expected, her smile disappeared. But the disgust and fear he waited to appear on her face never came. Instead, her face was awash with a deeper kind of sadness. “I know about you. Will you come back here someday again?” 

He shook his head. He wanted to ask her what she meant, how could she give him the beads with the initials of the people he loved the most. Why did she feel so familiar yet a complete stranger all at once? But before he could, she had already disappeared into her hut, leaving him to ponder over even more. 

It was already pitch dark when Itachi left the shrine, certain that he would never forget this place. 

Snow fell, shrouding the lonely town in its delicate beauty. 

He couldn't stop coughing that evening. Kisame noted it was unusual for him to catch a cold, when of all the people he'd known, Itachi was the most health-conscious person he'd ever seen. Itachi ignored his remarks. Kisame, out of goodwill gesture, ordered a glass of hot water for him, stating it would do him some good in this weather. 

Itachi was perturbed by the thought that even scalding water did nothing to ease the violent fits of cough. He felt more tired than usual. Yes, it would have to do with the long journey he'd taken with no rest in between. 

Why was he suddenly feeling more and more exhausted? 

There was blood on his hands. His father's blood accumulated first, the next layer was that of his mother's blood, followed further by the people whose real faces he'd long forgotten, only their pained, disfigured countenance remained as the residual of his crimes. He wanted to get the blood off of his skin, but couldn't. 

Kisame knocking at his door reminded him there was no blood on his hands. The man did not react to Itachi's shocked expression, and made no comments towards him. Itachi looked at his hands once again. And once again there was no blood in his hands. 

Kisame had a bad, bad habit of making irrelevant remarks whenever they were travelling. A lonely child walking in the streets became Kisame's concern and he would voice it out. A woman with her lover moved him and he would wish them a happier life. A road not part of their journey would elicit a lament from Kisame that Itachi couldn't stop wondering how he had killed his comrades. He didn't remember his own feelings anymore — he had considered the deaths necessary, not letting the weakness of his heart take over him, should his feelings become a hindrance in the completion of the mission. He had killed people soon enough. Other than Yashiro and Inabi it was no one else's fault, still they became his victims. Itachi thought of the children who'd once looked at him in awe, staring at him in fear when he killed them. Uncle Teyaki's words never left him either. He deserved the punishment for taking their lives. 

Itachi knew Kisame was a better man than he ever could be. He did not notice the lone children on the streets. If he ever did, the children reminded him of his own little brother. If he ever noticed the couple in love, the sight took him back to his childhood, his mother showing him their photographs before they were married. 

Itachi understood why Kisame was capable of seeing hope into the future and Itachi never would. For him, the road ended the moment Sasuke showed up. There was no future for him from the moment he would see his brother again. 

In the last two years he'd hardly slept. While Kisame in his room, Itachi believed, slept peacefully, Itachi himself tossed and turned in his bed. Sometimes he would take pills for sleeping, only to wake up in the middle of the night, screaming. The thick walls of the hideout did not wake Kisame up from sleep. 

Itachi often wondered about the last moments he would spend with Sasuke. What would he say? Sasuke must have grown up a little by now. He grieved for his brother who had lost his childhood because of him. What did his brother look like now? Did he still pout at someone when his demands were not met? Who did he direct at all his tantrums, the recipients of which was only Itachi? A little pang of jealousy struck him at the thought. Did his brother get to eat well? Who cooked for him? He remembered the time their parents were out of town and he'd cooked a meal for Sasuke. His brother couldn't stop talking about it to their parents. Who brought Sasuke home from the Academy? Did he get sleep? 

Itachi knew Sasuke was still living in their old house, wounded and tormented. He knew it was better than being dead or being taken to be one of Danzo's henchmen and turned into someone who would lose all the semblance of himself. 

Did Sasuke have friends? He had asked his brother to kill his best friend in order to obtain Mangekyo Sharingan. It would be a cruel act, it was cruel of him to say that, but nothing mattered to him as long as Sasuke lived. 

He didn't know when his dream of wanting to end the darkness of the world had changed into his sole desire to die for his brother. Maybe — just maybe — people like him did not deserve to have dreams. He had faith in his little brother, who was pure, unlike him, untainted and pristine. Sasuke would know the difference between right and wrong. And when he met their parents, he would tell them Sasuke had done what Itachi could never do. 

His coughs became worse over time. Kisame commented once or twice, but Itachi's lack of response to them made him shut up. It was beginning to worry him. 

He spent too long coughing tonight. He was thankful Kisame was out on his regular business that he said Itachi was too little to understand. Itachi understood too well where Kisame went. But he was thankful the man wasn't around to watch him drowning into something Itachi himself did not understand. 

For the first time blood came out of his mouth. He should have known it the moment his mouth tasted sour, not from bile, but from blood. 

Kisame did not begrudge Itachi for his lack of effort in their missions. Itachi hated violence. His partner had noticed his obvious discomfort, the slight and imperfect grimace when Itachi had killed that one man. From then on, Kisame would simply step up to take charge of the battle, letting Itachi take a back seat. 

Itachi, whenever he involved himself with his opponents, used Tsukuyomi on them. The simple but effective method to break the enemy's spirit. 

“Why don't you do this more often?” Kisame once asked, amused. 

Itachi wouldn't tell him why. He had noticed it a long time ago — using Mangekyou would render him blind sooner or later. He was beginning to see the effects already. 

“Since he took a bite of your Tsukiyomi, I think it’d be impossible for him to come back.” Kisame said, amazed. 

However, Itachi shook his head. “No. In some cases, one can recover even without a strong spirit or excellent medical ninjutsu.” 

“Oh, what is it?” 

“It’s called ‘love’.”

In response, Kisame gave a short laugh for a moment.

“Love.. is it? I never thought I’d hear that word from you. I didn’t think it was so easy to change.” 

He stayed quiet. He knew Kisame to be perceptive, someone who was capable of reading him. Due to the nature of their missions of killing their comrades and then becoming Akatsuki partners because of it, Itachi had come to feel a sense of fellowship with the man. 

He often wondered if Kisame, too, carried the same wounds in his heart as Itachi did. Did he regret killing them? He wouldn't know. He knew with strong feelings, the opponent could be saved, but it wasn’t feasible without loving affection. Tsukuyomi wasn't invincible. 

Itachi often thought about the possibility of his last moments with Sasuke. He didn't know why was he thinking about it when there was still a long time. Sasuke was still 10, still tormented by the pain Itachi had caused him. 

He was prepared to die and give his little brother his everything. He was waiting for Sasuke to overcome him. If there was one thing he regretted, it was never being able to tell Sasuke how much he loved him. In his final moments, what would he talk about? Then again, he wouldn't know until the moment of his death.

Itachi found keeping his arm tucked in the sleeve of his robe helped him ease the pain in his chest. It was a poetic justice. He laughed. He had no home. Isn’t this what this meant? 

The dream returned again. He'd hardly fallen asleep and it had come back. 

He was standing on the beach again. The sunlight passed through the orange haze, the wind tickling his skin. His otherwise perfectly kept hair flew haphazardly, forcing him to tie them in a ponytail. A sound made him look next to him. His little brother smiled at him. It was a soft smile that hid tears, the smile that barely reached his eyes. 

He could see their footsteps, his brother's tiny ones next to his, formed a pattern on the sand. He left his brother's palm, making him gasp in surprise. 

“Aren't you going to come with me, nii-san?” Sasuke asked. 

Itachi stayed silent, a ghost in the mulberry landscape, fading and receding. His footsteps began to dwindle behind them as he prompted Sasuke to walk forward, the act not performed without some unwilling violence on his part. 

His brother began to run, angry and hurt, blood tracing the space his feet touched. 

Live, Sasuke, please. 

The pain in his body wouldn't stop. He sat on the bathroom floor, panting, coughing violently, watching blood leave his lips, and floating away with water of the running shower. He'd never thought it would come to this and had never been alarmed until now. 

“Sasuke,” he whispered, not for the first time into the emptiness of the Uchiha hideout. “Please come soon… I don't think I can do this for long.” 

A voice in his head laughed. Wasn't this his punishment for betraying his family? Wasn't this an apt punishment for destroying his brother's sanity? 

He deserved worse. 

When the medic in Amegakure checked him, the man was visibly horrified. He observed Itachi's reports again and again as if looking for something he could tell the boy in order to comfort him. 

“Your heart is not in a very good shape,” he said. “You shouldn't take too much stress. You probably haven't slept properly in weeks. It sounds impossible, but looking at you, you clearly need more sleep.”

All words rang true. 

“Your lungs aren't doing too well. Do you have problem with breathing?” 

Itachi gave a small nod. 

“As expected.” He thought for a moment. “Do you have a family member you can bring tomorrow?” The man's eyes expressed the practised sadness they expressed giving the bad news to his patients. 

Itachi shook his head. “You can tell me whatever it is,” he said. 

The medic avoided his gaze. “You don't have much time left,” he said to the boy at last. 

“How long?” Itachi wished his voice retained his usual calmness instead of shaking. He felt tears in his eyes. 

“A few months at most.” 

Itachi shut his eyes. No, this had to be a cruel joke. His brother was waiting for him. He was waiting for his brother. The only one who deserved to kill him was Sasuke, not any illness. He didn't think any gods would listen to him, but if they did, he hoped for a miracle so he could live long enough to die at his brother's hands. 

He'd learned of the Howling Wolf Village infamous for its medications. If there was a place in the world that could prolong his life, it would be this. The medic in Amegakure had directed him to the village after his desperate requests to show him some way. The man had looked at him in pity, mistaking his desperation with his desire to live. 

Hypericum’s Shrine, the man had told him. “Go there and you might find something.” 

“Itachi, you shouldn't disappear without informing us where you're going,” Kisame said to him after one of his visits to the Howling Wolf Village. “Our leader might not be pleased with your unannounced disappearances.”

Itachi ignored him. 

“You're always as cold as ever. To think you'll be a little warm towards people after a month long vacation. My bad.” 

Itachi still did not answer him. 

He kept his visits to the Howling Wolf Village twice a year. He had indeed found medicines strong enough to make him live longer. It was a family of two brothers who were eerily similar to him and Sasuke. The younger brother followed the footsteps of the older one, sometimes without questioning him. 

While the boys prepared his medicines, Itachi stayed in the temple. He would lie there in the dark, listening to the brothers’ bickering, entering a dream of his own in which he got to be with Sasuke when his brother came home from the Academy. In his dream he never hurt his brother, never performed acts of cruelty, and Sasuke was never terrified of him. 

Then the noise of the younger brother laughing would break his illusions. And he would cry. Not for the first time. And not for the last time. 

He was visibly stunned when Pain announced Konoha had been attacked. If someone could hear his heartbeats that seemed too loud to him, his heart pulsating in his chest would have been all his undoing. His brother's face was all he saw, blurred suddenly with memories and helplessness. He'd considered countless times in the past to bring his little brother with him, but Konoha had always seemed a safer option. Anywhere else in the world, with him, Sasuke would have no future. And once he was dead, his brother would be alone. 

“The Hokage has been killed,” Pain added. 

Although a few faces turned towards him, he was not expected to offer an opinion, even if he came from Konoha. He wouldn't be able to say anything at all. He'd kept an eye on Sasuke from afrar, enough to know he was living safe in the village. He'd sent a message to Konoha after his brother was sent on a dangerous mission with Kakashi to the Land of Waves on which he almost died. Sasuke's life was the most important thing for him. 

He didn't know if it was his fear or something had happened to Sasuke that he couldn't feel anything. How was Sasuke doing? 

Kisame didn't question his reason to visit Konoha. They were here to investigate, and Itachi, as the former Konoha Shinobi, would know the village better than any other Akatsuki. Orochimaru had been on the Akatsuki's radar ever since he'd deserted the organisation several years ago. His whereabouts had not been known until now. The attack on Konoha, where the Nine Tailed Jinchuuriki, Naruto, lived, was enough to alarm the Akatsuki. 

Yet, Kisame did not trust Itachi. Kisame passed remarks as if to elicit reactions out of him, but Itachi knew better than to satisfy his curiosity, veiled in sarcastic remarks. The two had come to mutual agreement to not question the other's mysterious disappearance. While Itachi was aware of the reason for Kisame's disappearances, he could not allow himself to be too lenient with the man on revealing where he went. Madara was a different case altogether. Itachi had to be careful. 

He didn't know what to expect from Konoha when he entered it. His home was changed. It felt unfamiliar. He didn't belong here. Even though he was protecting it from Akatsuki, he didn't belong here anymore. When he sat in the coffee shop, he hoped to hear some news on Sasuke. Would a passerby make a comment on his brother? If his brother was fine, maybe he wouldn't hear anything, but if —

No, he couldn’t bear the thought. Sasuke had to be alive. 

It was a strategic move from Kakashi. To meet Sasuke at the same shop he and Kisame sat in order to gauge his reaction. Itachi's fingers tightened around the glass when he heard Kakashi was waiting for Sasuke there. Itachi could hardly hear anything else beyond his brother's name. There were other people there — Kisame sat in front of him. Asuma and Kurenai were the people Kakashi was speaking to. 

And then Sasuke appeared. 

Itachi hadn't felt so weak as he did in that moment when he saw his little brother. The memories, the lost future, abandoned love and affection, broken hopes like splintered glass pierced him in tandem. He realized with the hopeless agony what he'd never considered before. He couldn't see his brother's face. He strained his eyes to look at him and saw a face aged by the pain no one else but he had inflicted upon the boy. 

Sasuke had lost all the chubbiness from his childhood. The spark from his eyes was missing, replaced by a painful restlessness the indifference on his face could not hide. He was taller now. The Konoha headband on his forehead was the sign of his belonging to the village, and not being tainted like their clan. 

He stood there, talking to Kakashi. 

“Sasuke,” he whispered. “You've grown up.” 

He had imagined seeing his brother again, in dreams, and foolishly even entertained the thought that he would get a moment to spend with him where their lives were untainted by the knowledge that he had destroyed everything. But the truth was that he had missed out on his brother's life. Sasuke must have graduated from the Academy. Would he become a Chunin now? It was no longer the era rife with violence and wars, so children were not prepared for the battlefields. Did his brother still hate sweets as much as he did in the past? What was his life here like? Itachi imagined him spending all his time training. 

It took Itachi all of the universe's willpower to not move and take his brother in a tight embrace. Instead, he moved quickly from his place, dragging a grumbling Kisame who didn't understand why Itachi chose this place and why they were leaving so early. 

“I was quite enjoying their tea.” Kisame frowned. He sometimes did not understand his partner at all. 

Itachi wished — no, he prayed — for Sasuke to not come to the inn. This was not the moment they would meet. It wasn't meant to happen right now when Sasuke was not ready to face him yet. Not when Itachi himself was not ready to die yet. If he died right now, when Sasuke was still too young, Danzo would get his hands on his brother. The only one shielding Sasuke from being killed by Danzo was Itachi. It would take his death for the old man to hurt Sasuke. 

This was why he had left the village for a place where Sasuke spotting and finding him would be near-impossible. Itachi waited for Jiraiya to appear before Sasuke could. 

But then, he felt Sasuke's aura behind him. The rest was a blur. Sasuke glared at him with a mixture of hopelessness, anger, and betrayal. The two had no match. 

“I have no interest in you,” he told Sasuke. Not yet, Sasuke. 

Sasuke charged at him again, despite his broken wrist, yelling at Naruto to stay out of his battle. Itachi wished with all his soul Jiraiya intervened. 

“Forgive me, Sasuke,” he murmured to himself, fully aware this was unforgivable. He stared at Sasuke coldly whose eyes reflected once more the wounds Itachi had caused in him. The look of betrayal and pleas, searching for answers Itachi would never give him, broke his brother's heart. There was one last thing to do which would be enough for Jiraiya to intervene eventually and for Sasuke to affirm the belief Itachi hadn't had a change of heart and he was still the same evil older brother who had killed their parents all those years ago. 

It only took a second. 

“You don't have enough hate. Hate me more,” he said, his voice inaudible to anyone but Sasuke. It was a demand, an order, and a plea. Hate me enough to never see the good in me. 

“You were truly merciless towards your brother,” Kisame said when they entered the inn where they were staying for the night. “Who could have thought to destroy their own brother so brutally. But then you do have the reputation of murdering your own comrades.”

Kisame's voice grated his nerves but when the words registered in his mind, they wounded him. His reputation… Yes, he was a cruel, cruel, evil man. 

He had never entered the bar before. Despite Kisame's occasional pestering, Itachi preferred not to consume alcohol. It was prohibited to him because of his medications as well. Alcohol would reduce the impact of the medicines he was taking. But tonight he didn't care. Alcohol would drown people's sorrows, make them forget their grief, albeit for a little while, and he wanted it. He wanted to forget the look on his brother's face, his hopelessness and his own cruelty. He crushed the glass in his hand, earning the glare of the man who served him another glass. 

He felt the prick and burn of the first two glasses, which entirely disappeared with the third one. The images before him became blurry, replaced by his brother's near-lifeless form. How could Sasuke not hate him after all this? 

He had burned all the bridges of going back to Sasuke again. His brother would remember him like this, a despicable evil that must be killed. 

He was evil. He deserved his brother's hate. 

The dreams came to him again. 

Sasuke wiped his tears. 

“Nii-san,” he whispered. “You're tired, aren't you?” 

Itachi wanted so much to grovel at his brother's feet, but his blood-soaked form prevented him from moving. 

“You promised Mother and Father to take care of me,” Sasuke said, tears bleeding in his eyes. “But look, what you've done.” 

He showed Itachi his broken wrist and his bleeding heart. 

“Why didn't you kill me, nii-san?” 

“You thought death would be your salvation, Itachi?” Shisui looked at him, both his eyes ripped out of their sockets, blood dried on his cheeks. “I never expected you to become what you hated the most.”

“Shisui..”

“I trusted you.”

“I won't kill you, Itachi,” Sasuke said. “You deserve to live. Death isn't your punishment, life is.” 

His 12-year-old brother looked at him with the lost look in them, not harbouring the anger he expected from him. 

His throat was hoarse from screaming. 

“You were screaming a lot.” Kisame's voice pulled him out of his sleepy-haze. “You've been very reckless today.” Kisame seemed surprised and amused. Itachi couldn't tell if he was ridiculing him or was being nonchalant. 

He did not have the energy to respond, so Itachi stayed silent. 

“They told me my son was being reckless,” Kisame said with a chuckle. Itachi didn't know Kisame could chuckle. 

His throat felt dry, devoid of saliva, chafing his muscles. His head hurt. 

“What son bosses his dad around like you do!” Kisame was not angry. He seemed to like the idea of Itachi being known as his son. 

Itachi still did not answer. 

“Your brother… He's been taken to the hospital,” Kisame spoke again, this time more gravely. “He's in a coma.” 

At his words, a deathly silence followed. Kisame sensed the mood in the room too well, and sat down on the chair looking away into the dark window. 

Itachi again thought of the brother whose trust and heart he had broken brutally. For the first time, he did not have the strength to hide his feelings. In the back of his mind something warned him of the consequences of revealing his feelings in front of an outsider. Yet a part of him knew Kisame was not a threat. He would never be a threat. Itachi leaned his head against the wall and slumped, while Kisame continued to stare into the darkness. 

Itachi wept quietly. Kisame heard his partner's cries, watched him mourn the last bond he had destroyed with his own hands tonight.

Sasuke had deserted the village. He was a rogue ninja now. He would be in the scrutiny of all the Five Nations. Itachi's restlessness was not hidden from Kisame who watched him with pity and, what Itachi could sense, with sadness. Sasuke did not kill his best friend either. He'd gone to Orochimaru, the snake that once tried to take over Itachi's body. Now he was after his little brother. 

Itachi took several doses of the medicines at once. It should make the pain go away. He was coughing hoarsely, unable to keep pain in control. Alcohol would have to have severe effects which he had ignored weeks ago and the effects were still visible to him. However, it was a just punishment. 

“I didn't think you'd be coming here so early,” Reishi spoke, looking at Itachi's drawn and tired form curiously. 

“I didn't think so either.”

Reishi nodded. “Thank you for the last time,” he said, filling the uncomfortable silence. “You saved us.” 

Itachi nodded but said nothing. The men of the village had become a threat to the boys. As usual during all his previous visits, he took refuge in Hypericum’s Shrine. The older of the boys, Reishi, minded his own business, whereas the younger would sneak close to him, laughing whenever Itachi caught him. He wanted to talk to this stranger who never responded to his calls, who saved him without asking to, who came and went as quietly as he could. 

“You never told us where you live,” the younger boy once asked Itachi. 

“I have no home,” Itachi said. 

The concept of not having a home must have been foreign to the boy, because he looked at him in surprise. “Do you have a family?” 

“A brother.” 

“What's his name?” 

“Sasuke Uchiha,” Itachi answered warmly. 

During his next visit, Kina couldn't stop asking him about Sasuke, the name that gave Itachi all the happiness and pain. Reishi did not seem pleased with his brother's nosiness and repeatedly asked for Itachi's forgiveness. 

“My brother and I are a lot like you two,” he once said in response to the boy's queries. 

The brothers had warmed up to him. The younger brother, as curious as ever, would ask him questions that he was not willing to answer. However, he answered everything they asked about Sasuke. 

“He is too innocent and he has a hard time showing his good intentions, so I have to keep an eye on him.” 

He told them about his and Sasuke's childhood, the unbreakable bond the two shared, and the bond that turned to hatred because he had induced it. His voice choked when he spoke too much about Sasuke. 

“If he ever comes here, I'm already dead.” 

“You're not dying, stop saying stuff like that,” Kina intervened, voice sounding as if he was on the verge of tears. 

Itachi smiled gently. Both the brothers knew he wouldn't live long. 

“I think we can find something,” Reishi said. 

“You believe it's possible?” Itachi asked. 

The boy looked away from him. 

“It's alright. I have some important things to attend to. After that, I don't care about anything anymore.” 

The calendar marked his 19th birthday. A year since he saw Sasuke in Konoha. A year since Sasuke left the village. Itachi crossed the date on the calendar. One day less.

On his 20th birthday, he took another calendar, repeating the process. The previous one was now coloured in red marks, crossed on the dates. The numbers he now saw were mere structures instead of concrete shapes he used to view. It was strange how rapidly his vision had declined. 

There were no faces he saw anymore. People were indistinct and blurry sillehouts he could only recognize by their voices and auras. It had been a long time since he stopped seeing the faces. Occupied by his own thoughts and feelings, he had forgotten how so many people whom he knew looked like. Sometimes he would sit alone, watching the sky, trying to recall what other Akatsuki members looked like. Hidan, Sasori, and Kakuzu were dead. He had almost forgotten the face of his former Akatsuki partner. 

Much to his horror, he sometimes forgot the faces of his own parents. His memory was getting worse day by day. He had to search deep in his past to remember their faces, their auras. The old, faded photograph in his pocket was not recognizable to him anymore. It was a piece of paper he kept close to his heart, holding to his chest when he thought of them in his loneliest hours. 

He remembered his brother's voice clearly, but Sasuke's face in his mind was still that of a child. As if Sasuke never grew up from the last time he saw him, as if Sasuke never grew up to become 12 and 13 and 14 and now 15. 

His Akatsuki robes did not fit him anymore. They were loose, hanging to his sides, and seemed too large for his size. It made resting his left arm in the sleeve easier and the effort slightly painless, but he couldn't deny the otherwise discomfort it brought him. 

When he walked it felt so loose that Itachi had to pull it close to him. Kisame saw him but did not make any comments. 

He could hardly keep up with Kisame as they walked. Kisame slowed down his steps and Itachi was still breathless. The pain in his chest was growing slowly, blossoming like the red-blooded rose, expanding beneath his slowly turning translucent skin, subverting him in the ways that frightened him. 

A storm was coming. He could feel it from the way the wind blew, abruptly changing its direction. Gigantic clouds hung overhead, blotting the sky, blocking the sunlight. The western horizon gradually smudged in orange and purple. It might rain soon. 

He was tired more than usual, but thankful that Kisame had taken upon him the task of capturing the Four Tailed Jinchuuriki. Kisame couldn't stop talking about the future plans to capture the rest and seal them. Itachi, although he didn't know the full extent of Pain or Madara's plans, understood well that capturing the tailed beasts had to have a bigger significance than the mercenary jobs they had carried out so far. 

Sasuke had killed Orochimaru, Pain announced. Itachi heard the discussion in silence, trying to ignore Deidara who did not take the news well because of his own vendetta against Orochimaru. He wanted to kill Orochimaru and Sasuke had thwarted all his plans of glory. He stiffened, ignoring the violent anger when Deidara stated he would kill Sasuke too. 

Kisame was worried about him. The news of Sasuke leaving Orochimaru's hideout and freeing his prisoners had reached the Akatsuki. No one knew what his brother wanted or planned next. Itachi, however, was fully aware of Sasuke's next moves. He would hunt Itachi and kill him. 

No. Itachi would let Sasuke kill him. 

It was a pleasant thought, but the thought of leaving his little brother alone in this world stung. Still, he would never let his shadow fall on his brother again. His name, his crimes, his mistakes, his selfishness would end with him. 

They would set Sasuke free. 

Sasuke was still innocent. Madara would want to reach out to him after Itachi's death, and keep on his side. After all, all the Akatsuki members were pawns that could be used for a purpose and then thrown away. He would meet the same fate. Itachi wasn't worried about it. He never wanted Sasuke to be used by Madara for the Akatsuki's evil purposes. He would kill Madara, and if that plan failed, he would have to go with the final one. 

Lucidity had deserted him a long time ago. His brother's face was all he remembered. The foggy haze seeping into his soul twisted his heart into the most wretched way. He cleaned the blood from the sleeves of his robes, taking medicines so he could stand, so he could walk. It was a matter of a few hours. Then all would be over. 

Was someone like him allowed to feel relieved at the thought of dying? 

He knew Sasuke was searching for him. The thought of seeing his brother again filled him with a kind of joy he hadn't felt in years. 

The bad news came. The bearer of the bad news, as usual, Pain gathered them again, announcing to the members of Akatsuki that Deidara had been killed. And along with him, Sasuke, too, had died. 

Itachi controlled the sharp intake of breath when he heard Pain utter those dreaded words. It couldn't be. Sasuke couldn't die. Not when he still had to kill the monster who had destroyed his life. 

Itachi stood in the rain, letting the droplets wet his skin. Memories haunted him. He closed his eyes, trying hard to search for Sasuke, deep down cognizant that his brother was safe, yet not finding a trace of him. 

“You'll ruin your health if you stand in the rain,” Kisame said to him. When Itachi did not respond, he continued, “You're so cold I have no idea what you're thinking right now, not a little clue… but from this distance it looks like you're crying.” 

Itachi was trying not to cry. 

“I'm sorry what happened to your brother,” Kisame said further. “It looks like now you're the sole survivor of the Uchiha.” 

It was then that Itachi felt Sasuke's aura. Simultaneously, rain subsided, the hitherto black skies giving way to the ultramarine as if the sky had darkened a notch darker after the storm. 

“Sasuke is not dead,” Itachi said. “Besides.. The rain has stopped.”

Once he was dead Madara would attempt to keep Sasuke on his side. He would use Itachi's feelings as bait, prompting Sasuke to side with him and against Konoha. Would Sasuke remember the pain Itachi had caused him or give into what he really felt, eventually undoing everything Itachi hoped would never happen?

The Uchiha clan had long since been seen as a threat to the village. Sasuke would become the same threat if Madara succeeded in his plans. And Danzo would not mind killing his brother. If Sasuke survived Danzo, would he become as dangerous as Madara? No, Sasuke would never be like him. 

Naruto had promised him to never let Sasuke down. Itachi couldn't leave the world knowing his brother would be targeted or become a threat, living the life he himself had led. 

His brother deserved better. Although, Itachi hoped Naruto would never have to use Kotoamatsukami on Sasuke. 

He'd always wondered what his death would be like. Would it be peaceful, comforting, like a curtain falling? Or it would be violent, painful, and unceremonious like he deserved? When he was in the throes of death, he found it was a mix of both. His life had been grief dressed in stillness, a moment never spent past his childhood. He was a blank paper, an illusion, trapped within a moment he never escaped, the quiet murmurs of childhood.

He fought the phantom of the brother whom he knew and loved, searching for the comfort he knew his brother would get after he was gone. He had changed Sasuke so much that perhaps Sasuke couldn't recognize himself anymore. The pain, torment, and loneliness Itachi subjected him to had changed his brother tremendously. The love he'd tried to replace with anger and hate was still there, in the corners of his heart, hurting none but Sasuke himself. 

His brother had gotten stronger since the last time they met. Sasuke wasn't reckless and planned his moves well. Itachi read him, dodging his attacks, yet Sasuke outdid him on multiple occasions, surprising even him. 

Itachi knew he wouldn't make it out alive from here. He'd waited for too long for this moment, for Sasuke to come and punish him, and now, the prospect of death was not too painful, for it came from his brother. He'd always wondered about the last moments with Sasuke, mourned all the lost years, pretended to not love him, but a part of him still longed for him to hold his brother in his embrace, wash away all the pain he'd caused him. He wanted to erase agony with his own blood. 

“Sasuke..” he called out, but Sasuke didn't hear him. Maybe he said the word in his own mind.  

His vision was blurrier now. He needed Sasuke to get rid of Orochimaru's curse mark, and when Orochimaru appeared, slimy creepy, Itachi could only feel the vile sense of discomfort, escalating suddenly when the snake expressed his desire to take over his brother's body. 

However, Orochimaru was not a strong opponent. Not to him. 

It was the end. Years of wait, his hopes to see his brother getting stronger — it would be rewarded today. But Itachi did not feel any sense of accomplishment. Along with strength in his little brother, he also saw the hollowness, a piece of Sasuke he'd carved out ruthlessly years ago. But he couldn't endure the thought of watching Sasuke die. 

“Those are… my eyes,” he said. A sharp pain erupting in his heart forced him to clutch his chest, forcefully keeping the death at bay. It wasn't the time yet. He had one last thing to do. 

From his hazy vision, he saw Sasuke's shaking form after his efforts to target Itachi with his kunai were proved fruitless. Memories of their lost childhood and hopeless present flooded his consciousness, fuelling him to walk further and further without collapsing. He had to seal Amaterasu in Sasuke's eyes, so he could prevent Madara from revealing his truth, which Itachi knew the man would try to do once he was dead. 

And then, the final words left his mouth. The last words. The last moment he had never known how he would share with Sasuke. He had so many things to say, to apologise, to comfort, to heal his brother, but all that came out of his mouth were the words that ascertained his final goodbye. 

“Forgive me, Sasuke, but this is it.”

Chapter Text

You see, some people are born with a piece of night inside, and that hollow place can never be filled - not with all the good food or sunshine in the world. That emptiness cannot be banished, and so some days we wake with the feeling of the wind blowing through, and we must simply endure it as the boy did.

Leigh Bardugo

It was the ache in his chest at his brother's last words uttered to him that threw him out of his brother's memories. The mist cleared around him, his dreamlike surroundings tearing themselves to shreds, the ones he'd left behind coming to life as he had left some time ago. The white fog disappeared, giving way to the hospital room as it was — dismal, bleak, profoundly sad. The smell of medicines was heavy in the air, irritating to his senses that were drenched in violence and blood, not yet ready to soak themselves in the comfort of reality. In his brother's mind, he had believed he could look at the recollections of his past and live there forever. 

He was breathing heavily. His wide eyes were transfixed on Itachi's immobile form. The images he saw, the words he heard, the feelings he experienced played ceaselessly in front of his eyes, the kaleidoscope of memories fraught with bright colours that dulled and disappeared as soon as his eyes fixed on one particular moment. He was chasing heterogeneous figments of his past, now shared by his brother, although they existed in two vastly different universes. His head began to spin, details in his mind seized and left to fester, lit up in places, forcefully darkened, leaving him breathless.

Images of Itachi leaving, his cruel words aimed at him, then in tears he could not hide bled in front of his eyes. Itachi stood near the dead bodies of their parents before his cruelly trapped him in a brutal illusion in which he relived the horrors he was too young to comprehend. This was too much. 

This couldn't be true. None of this was true. 

He couldn't believe he'd fallen for Kabuto’s lies and treachery, despite being fully aware of the man's beef with him. He was playing tricks with Sasuke, just like Itachi believed Madara would do in his absence. Kabuto wanted to use him to fight against Konoha. That would make sense. He jumped out of his seat, ignoring Itachi, yet noticing the heart monitor that sounded a little louder than he remembered when he came here. He knew it meant the heart was beating. But what did it really mean? He'd asked Karin the other day when the heart monitor made similar yet a little milder sounds, and she seemed confused. 

“What is it? Is this something to worry about?” 

“No, no.” She was lost in her own thoughts, examining Itachi, disbelief written all over her face. “It sounds impossible... But it's nothing to worry about.”

“What does it mean?” 

“His heart is beating. I mean, it's working beyond its natural limit in his condition.”

“I don't understand.”

“It seems sometimes his heart doesn't need machines to beat. It's a good thing.”

“Is this some kind of anamoly?”

“Yes.”

“What is the reason?” He didn't understand how a heart so fragile and maimed could function on its own when none of his other organs were capable to work without machines. 

“You.” 

Sasuke closed his eyes. The outburst of the images he had seen nearly blinded him. No, he would not let Itachi do this to him again. He immediately left the room, barging into another one several feet away. He slammed the door open so heavily that it shook off its hinges when it closed back again. The noise did not unnerve him. He spotted Kabuto, seated in one of the stools in his lab, staring at the test tubes that contained the frizzling purple liquid. Without giving much thought Sasuke grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and threw him off the stool without warning. The man, taken aback by the sudden assault, looked at the boy, not getting the time to react before a punch struck him on his jaw. The force again hurled Kabuto on the other side. His unfocused eyes looked at Sasuke and he scowled. 

“How dare you!” Sasuke said, drawing a punch at his stomach. “You lied to me.” 

His kicks and punches were unmeasured, not meant to kill, but to cause the painful sensation to his target. He saw the man grimace and whacked him with more force this time. Kabuto had higher tolerance level than most, which rendered the man to more resistant to his attacks. However, there was blood on Kabuto’s face, accompanied by the bruises that did not frighten him. Kabuto’s expressions were a mix of surprise, annoyance, and a small smirk formed on his face. 

“Oh, I see what this is about. Itachi —” He drawled Itachi's name. 

Kahuto taking his brother's name the way he did snapped something violent in him, and suddenly his right hand was ablaze with silvery sparks, white fires that yearned to take the man's life. 

“How dare you!” he repeated again, his hand ready to punch the hole into the wretched man's heart. What kind of sick joke did Kabuto think he was playing? 

Suddenly, two hands grasped his shoulders, pulling him back. Karin stood between him and Kabuto. Sasuke struggled against the hands that shackled him, not allowing him to move. “Let me go. I need to kill him. Karin, get out of my way. I need to kill him.” 

The hands did not release him. Sasuke heard Juugo's gentle voice trying to calm him down. The words were unintelligible to him. 

“What are you doing, Sasuke?” Karin asked. “He's treating your brother. You wanted him to stay. And now you want to kill him?” 

“I'm going to kill him!” he repeated his words. 

“So, I assume you saw what you didn't want to see. Sasuke, I'll react the same if my life turns out to be a lie.” Kabuto said. But instead of smirk Kabuto’s expressions twisted into sadness. 

“What's going on?” Karin looked at him. “What did you do, Kabuto?” 

Sasuke was too aghast to form words right away. 

“He —” he paused. “He's lying. He lied to me.”

“I did not lie.”

“You created all those memories. You created all the incidents and —” It didn't explain anything. How could Kabuto have known what life Itachi lived and how could he have known them before he even knew his brother? It wasn't making any sense. The accuracy of the incidents was far too real to be formed artificially. “You're a liar.”

“I'm not lying.” Kabuto sighed. “I don't have to lie to you for this.”

“Karin,” Sasuke said, looking at her visible desperation. “Tell me, he is lying, isn't he?” 

“He's a liar, but right now, at this moment, I detect no lies,” she said. 

“No.” 

“He isn't lying, Sasuke,” she said. “What's all this about?” She looked at Kabuto. “What did you do?” 

But Sasuke wasn't listening to her anymore. He crumbled in the arms holding him. He felt lightheaded. The world around him disappeared all of a sudden when the gravity of the moments he was denying, the ones he spent in his brother's mind finally descended on him. He couldn't carry his weight anymore. Juugo sensed this and helped him walk out of Kabuto’s lab, seating him down on a bench in one of the adjacent rooms. 

“It can't be true,” he murmured. Itachi was meant to be evil. He was cruel. He'd proven this again and again he didn't love him. How could this be reality? 

“Sasuke,” Juugo said, “You're hurt too. You need to get...”

He didn't answer. He wanted to say something to Juugo, but the words failed him. It was his own brother whose images floated in front of his mind. Itachi, so alone for all those years, waiting for his death at his brother's hands. Why couldn't he come to him? Why couldn't he come home back to him? 

Ever since he'd gotten rid of Orochimaru, his healing had become slower. 

“Your wounds aren't healing,” Juugo said, concerned. 

Sasuke raised his glassy eyes to meet Juugo and shook his head. “Those are just bruises,” he mumbled. A shudder wreaked his body. 

These bruises meant nothing. These were nothing compared to the wounds imprinted over his heart, the unforgettable memories mirroring his own agony. He didn't have the courage to dwell on the paper cuts when his heart had received a violent blow. 

Sasuke entered the room quietly, afraid of finding Itachi awake, asleep or worse. He didn't know what he would do if he found Itachi awake. In his head he had imagined countless conversations all of which ranged from his anger to pleas, from his rage to vulnerability to have his brother back. But now, he could not imagine what their conversations would look like. 

It was unbearable to lack the answers he had searched his entire life. It was even more painful to bear the burden of the knowledge he wasn't ready to shoulder yet. Neither he nor his brother were fluent in the language of silence although that had been the natural course their relationship took years ago. 

He found his brother asleep, without a care in the world. Sasuke knew this was for the first time in many years — maybe first time in forever — that his brother was asleep so peacefully. If Itachi wasn't oscillating between life and death at this moment, this would almost be a comforting thought to him. 

He dragged a small chair close to Itachi's bed and sat down. He took his brother's hand in his own, fighting back the urge to weep and scream and yell for all the years he'd lost not being with Itachi and sharing his burdens and pains. He gently caressed Itachi's wrist, once touched so brutally by a man years ago, the scars of which he still carried. Sasuke pushed aside the strands of hair on Itachi's face. His features were illuminated by the neon lights of the room. 

I'm always going to be there for you. Even if it's only as an obstacle for you to overcome. Even if you do hate me. 

He remembered Itachi's words, spoken years ago to him. Did he know they were going to end up like this? Was this prophetic? He had missed all the signs before. But now, he could hear the silences, see the signs Itachi must have dropped. The moments he felt, the memories he experienced were liminal, the quiet threshold between what he couldn't stop and what he would do if he were given another chance. 

Instinctively, Sasuke lowered his head to Itachi's shoulder, clenching his eyes shut at the familiar scent that belonged to his brother. It felt like coming home. His tears wetted Itachi's shirt, but Sasuke could not move. 

“If you… couldn't endure the… thought of me hating you, then why…” He sobbed, shaking his head to clear his thoughts and stop the tears, but in vain. “Why would you do this for years…” He looked at Itachi as if his brother would answer him. 

Itachi did not answer him. When he closed his eyes again, Sasuke imagined his brother dying at his hands and him never learning the truth. He imagined Itachi leaving the world, still believing he would be hated by his brother. He screamed internally at the thought, the sting so painful its physical sensation hardly surprised him. He wanted to go back in Itachi's head, solidify his memories, and pull him out of his miseries, saving them both the pain they lived in for years. 

How could he do all of this to himself? To them? 

The futility of his wistful thinking wasn't lost on him. For years, Sasuke lived alone in his house in Konoha, living and reliving the memories of his parents, mourning, drowning in his sorrow and loneliness, unable to separate the loss of his parents and his brother, wondering which one hurt more — the brother who had become a monster towards him all of a sudden, who suddenly stopped loving him or the parents who had left him lovingly. He never could have imagined in his wildest fantasies that he and his brother were the two sides of the same coin, two people living similar lives in two universes apart. 

Each of us lives, dependent, and bound by our individual knowledge and our awareness. All that is what we call reality. However, both knowledge and awareness are equivocal. One’s reality might be another's illusion. We all live inside our own fantasies. 

He could never see through any of Itachi's illusions. Why was it that in all of his versions of their stories Itachi always left, without ever sparing a glance at him? Why couldn't they be with each other? Why couldn't he be the one not left behind? He thought of the life with Itachi. It was hard to grasp a life living running away from village to village like refugees, but still living it with his brother would have been worth it. They would hold each other if ever nightmares came. He would put his brother's head in his lap until his nightmares ended. He would not let Itachi get away without medical checkups at the repeated bouts of coughs. When the medic would ask Itachi to get a family member to talk, he would accompany his brother there. And when he had to get to the Howling Wolf Village, Sasuke would go there with him. 

Maybe if he were with Itachi, his brother would not have fallen sick at all. He would have looked after Itachi. 

He realized with an agonizing fury that his brother had never shared his pain with him, but the two strangers who didn't love him and didn't care about him, could see him when he needed someone, but not him. He wasn't there when his brother needed him the most. Itachi wept in front of Kisame. But their parents had never seen his brother crying. He remembered his father's words. 

“Your brother has a hard time dropping his guard in front of people.”

So, why did he allow that in front of the people who didn't love him? Why not him? Why couldn't he be with Itachi when he needed someone? 

His sobs became louder at the realization and he lifted his eyes to take a look at his brother again. The man Sasuke had always considered invincible, someone who once terrified him looked breakable to him lying on the hospital bed right now. Sasuke held his brother's wrist a little tightly, feeling the passivity of the cold skin sting him. His other hand moved to take Itachi in an embrace as if he could stop time from moving. As if this small gesture could fix his broken heart, fill the crevices of the soul that yearned for salvation only his death would bring him. 

He'd spent years believing Itachi had killed their clan members out of greed and hunger for power. The sickening realisation of their clan being subjected to systematic oppression and suspicion hit him brutally. His brother was made the scapegoat for the village's crimes. He shuddered. There would have been children his own age who died at his brother's hands. He remembered Uncle Teyaki and Aunt Iruchi, their affection towards his brother, their futile effort to counter his attacks, and also the fear in their eyes before he killed them. The image of their parents dying was vastly different from how Itachi had shown him. 

A loud sob wracked his body when he remembered his brother had a dream of becoming the Hokage, which he would have utilised to stop the wars. It was something Naruto always said he would do – becoming Hokage had been his friend's dream since his childhood. But Itachi never said this out loud to anyone. 

How many dreams, how many hopes did his brother have that this world shattered?

His own memories that he believed were illusions crystalized before him. Itachi would return from the Academy, and he would jump at his brother to spend time with him. Despite their mother's half-hearted protests to let Itachi finish his homework first, Itachi would give in to Sasuke's pleas and spend his time with his little brother. 

He'd started being nice to Naruto because his brother had asked him to. Sometimes, he even asked his mother to pack a little extra food for him so he could give some to Naruto without that dobe finding out or he would be riding high on the clouds with the knowledge that Sasuke was helping him with his lunch. He never let Naruto know it was him. 

Sasuke could never tell Itachi that he was being nice to Naruto. His brother had become too busy with work and then he'd left. For some inexplicable reason he couldn't stop being nice to Naruto even though he had started this because of Itachi. Was this the residuary love that made him cling to Itachi's goodness, that never truly let him believe his brother had suddenly become estranged with him, someone who hated him enough to hurt him in the ways Itachi had done him? Did he want to hold onto his past so much even if it meant he was holding on to only the shadows of his past that would never be anything more than that? 

He still found it unbelievable that Lord Third had made his brother do the evil act. Sasuke wondered if the current Hokage would make Naruto do something similar if it came to this? It was a trait more suitable to Orochimaru. 

The world outside of this room was still functioning as it did before. No one cared about his brother. He recalled Itachi's screams and sobs and silent mourning and hands smeared in his own blood and a life forced to live for a punishment for the crimes done at the behest of the village. Konoha was prospering because his brother sacrificed his life. Konoha was not razed by war because Itachi took the blame upon himself. The madman who killed his clan. This is what the world believed about Itachi. He wanted to scream at the world to stop viewing his brother as a monster. 

There were many things he didn't get to see, many events that he couldn't penetrate through because Kabuto hadn't perfected the jutsu yet. Sasuke didn't think he wanted to see more either. His brother needed him but he hadn't been there for him. Each and every moment Itachi spent alone was a stab at his own heart. 

Itachi's memories became more and more vivid in his mind, forcing a cry out of Sasuke that he was nearly convinced wasn't his own. He said something to Itachi that didn't make sense to him. It was the jumble of broken words and hollow sounds escaping his throat. With his closed eyes, he swam in the miserable realm of agony, merging his own pain with that of Itachi's. His brother loved him, had wanted to tell him all through the years, yet all he could do was wait for him to die at his hands. 

“Just.. why!” he whispered. “I can never forgive you for this.” 

That was a lie. He closed his eyes against Itachi's shoulder, finding comfort in his slight warmth, but everything else around him began to disappear. The images of Itachi and his parents became more prominent in his heart. Hate and anger he didn't think he could harbour throbbed within him with an intensity that was completely out of this world. It slowly mingled with a numbness that bordered endless agony. He felt his chakra pulsate inside of him, rushing at a speed that elicited fire underneath his skin. It reached his eyes. Afraid he would never wake up from this paralysis, Sasuke forced himself to open his eyes and saw the room bathed in crimson. 

He sobbed when he saw Itachi, his form still passive as it was days ago. 

“Do you know something about Danzo?” Sasuke asked Kabuto at night. 

The man was bent over the table in his lab. Karin sat by side, her eyes flickering to Sasuke when she heard the question. 

“You're asking for too many favours without returning me any.” Kabuto did not look up from what he'd been working on.” Besides, you're not allowed to walk into my work place any time you wish. You could at least make an effort to be courteous.” 

Sasuke gave an exasperated sigh, one of the very few instances of his expressiveness that whoever it was enunciated to, cherished. Kabuto was no different. This time he turned his gaze towards Sasuke. 

“You cannot expect more from me.” 

“He didn't seem to know anything about the Akatsuki and their plans.” 

“You think that's a believable lie?” 

“It's not a lie.” His brother's death would have been treated the same way other Akatsuki members’ were. He was not special to them. It was unbelievable to someone like Kabuto who'd heard the stories of Itachi's powers and cruelties. Kabuto had no way of knowing that Itachi alone hadn't killed people that night and he wasn't the muscle behind the Akatsuki's missions. 

Kabuto scoffed at his words. Sasuke wished he did not appear too desperate in front of Kabuto, which he was, but his weakness would only spur Kabuto to take advantage of his situation. 

“You don't expect me to just give you more information on something while your own contribution to this exchange is nil.”  

“What do you want?” 

“Sasuke, I want information on what the Akatsuki are planning. Your brother was a treasured member of the group. He can —”

“He didn't know a thing about them,” Sasuke cut him off. Sasuke didn't tell him Itachi avoided violence and it was Kisame who was behind their successful missions; that the only job of capturing the jinchuriki was done by Kisame, not Itachi. The memories once again triggered the ache in his eyes and the room momentarily turned crimson. “I want you to tell me the truth, Kabuto. You're in no position to make demands. If you don't tell me what I want, I will kill you. Your rewards will depend on how quickly and efficiently you work on improving my brother's condition. Your freedom will be your gift you will receive.” 

Kabuto, who hadn't looked at Sasuke until then other than as a nuisance, stared at him with a mixture of fascination and horror.

“I know you want to do something once you leave,” he said. Kabuto might be a strong opponent, but he was no match for him. “You can do whatever you like once you've done what I asked of you.” 

He was seated beside Itachi, holding his brother's hand. The room was dark. The sky from the transparent window was slowly changing from grey to the mauve and orange in the landscape abound with a thin layer of clouds. He felt Itachi's hand become warm from his own warmth. A day ago he knew Itachi was thinking about him. He wondered what part of their life was going on in Itachi's mind at the moment. He was tempted to know more about Itachi, about himself. He yearned to see himself through Itachi's eyes. 

It didn't escape him that in his brother's mind, he was still innocent. The kind of innocence he didn't remember feeling in years. Itachi saw him with a tenderness that Sasuke had long forgotten in himself. It was also true that this was all his brother remembered when he struggled through his life fighting his illness. He'd been too busy with his goal that he had forgotten he used to be a child who waited for his parents every evening and who wanted to spend time with his brother. 

Slowly, a knock on the door resounded, and without waiting for his response, Kabuto entered, followed by Karin. 

“We're moving him to the operation theatre now. For his surgery,” Kabuto stated. 

“I'll go with him,” Sasuke said. 

“You can't,” Kabuto said with exasperation. “We need to treat the patient. We don't want any disturbances there. Besides, it will take a few days before we can reach a conclusion. And any outsider might just work as a carrier for something harmful. Do you want to be the reason —?”

“But —” 

“Sasuke,” Karin said, “he's right. We're close to success. You'll only stress yourself out if you stay with us.”

He didn't want to stay away from Itachi but none of his reasoning were enough to convince Karin why he should be allowed in the operation theatre. Itachi had been alone so long he didn't want him to go through this on his own anymore. Neither Karin nor Kabuto listened to him. 

Reluctantly, he let Itachi go. In the hands of the people who didn't love him but might save his life. And if something did happen to Itachi he would drag the fires from hell and set this world ablaze in torment it had never known before. 

For now, his goal was Danzo. 

While Sasuke lived inside a tiny bubble with his brother and his friends, the world outside was turning and twisting violently, thrashing itself with a fury never heard of before. Akatsuki had attacked Konoha, their leader was now dead, and Naruto had shown exceptional progress as a ninja. 

“Their Hokage is presumably dead,” Juugo said. “Or at least not in a condition to work. She's been replaced by another Konoha leader.”

“Who might that be?” 

“I don't know. But he's heading to the Land of Iron. The man that goes by the name Madara Uchiha is said to be preparing for a full-fledged war for something the Five Great Nations aren't ready to deal with yet.”

Sasuke had little time to be shocked at the revelations of Madara Uchiha, Konoha's destruction, and Naruto's development. “Can you find out who their new Hokage is?” 

It would depend if and when he could invade the village and begin his hunt for Danzo. He did not expect Kakashi and Naruto to be of use in his pursuit for justice for his brother. They would try to be a hurdle in his plan. He did not have the heart to fight Naruto, not now when his goal was something else, something Naruto was unlikely to understand. He would, however, not shy away from killing his friend if he came in the way of his goal. 

Sasuke was in luck when Juugo informed him two days later that a unit of Konoha Shinobi was heading in their direction, a man with an unusual appearance leading it. 

“What kind of unusual appearance?” he asked. 

“My birds haven't given me the exact description,” Juugo said, “but they tell me his one eye is covered in bandages and he uses a stick to walk.” 

“Can they reveal something more?” 

“We'll have to wait for that. Some birds aren't as good at catching these nuances as the others. I can let you know if you give me some time.”

The silence on his part was cue for Juugo to continue his search and report back when he had enough information. Sasuke walked to and fro in the room. The description of the man was similar to Danzo. Could he be the next Hokage now?

The thought shot something painful and venomous in Sasuke's heart. His brother was struggling for his life in an anonymous hideout of one of the filthiest people he had ever known and Danzo was walking free. He would make sure to change that. 

They were within the borders of the Land of the Fire in a secret place where living animals, let alone humans, were not allowed without Orochimaru's permission. Now that Kabuto had inherited his properties, he was doing an efficient job at keeping the hideouts a secret. They could keep an eye on the intruders without alarming them while their own location would be unknown to them. 

Sasuke looked at the maps in the library to see where Danzo might be heading to. If their destination was the Land of Iron, which was to the north of the Land of Fire, they would pass from their territory. Their current hideout was located on the border of the Land of Fire and in the closest proximity to the Land of Iron, giving them an advantage over the ones intruding. He would head to the Land of Iron. If the man was Danzo, he would ensure he never returned to the village. If he was someone else, the man might prove to be an important asset in obtaining more information on Danzo. Either way this was going to prove a crucial encounter with the enemy. 

When Karin emerged from the operation theatre that evening, giving him better news than he was anticipating, he was torn between wanting to leave or stay by his brother's side. As long as Karin was with Itachi and Kabuto feared him, Sasuke was not afraid. Kabuto would not try to be reckless. Sasuke was sure of it. 

At night, she stated she could feel a faint ominous chakra in the air. Something even more sinister than Kabuto’s. Whoever was heading in their direction was still far away. Moments later, Juugo came to him with the news. He described in detail the man whose appearance was seared in Sasuke's memories forever. Danzo. The man who destroyed his brother's life. The man who was responsible for his parents’ death. The man who forced his brother to live a life without honour. The man who had no more than 24 hours to live. 

Leaving Itachi behind was a hard decision. Sasuke almost didn't. He entrusted his brother with Karin, despite her insistence to accompany him and Juugo and Suigetsu. Suigetsu didn't mind going anywhere as long as he could flex his muscles and hone his skills. If it meant fighting a formidable enemy as strong as Danzo, he would do it. Juugo said he would stand by Sasuke with whatever Sasuke asked of him. 

Right now, they were seated in a small inn at the junction of the Land of Fire and Land of Iron. Icy winds chilled the building to its bare bones. The heating system inside proved to be useless in face of monstrous winds and endless snowfall. Aroma of alcohol, coffee, and tea filled the air. Sasuke sat on a chair, a cup of tea in his hands, Juugo and Suigetsu by his side. He heard murmurs behind him, the name rang a bell until he realized they were talking about Itachi. He strained his ears to hear their voices clearly. 

“You can remove Itachi Uchiha's name from the Bingo Book. He was killed a week ago.” Sasuke heard one man speak. The way they spoke about his brother sent fury raging within him. 

“So, that traitor is finally dead, huh?” the other spoke. The men were playing cards, sipping alcohol, and living in ignorance. “Who could have killed someone that powerful?” 

“His little brother, Sasuke, apparently,” the first man said. “How poetic the man who killed his entire clan was killed by one of his own. He's the worst criminal in the history of our village.”

One of the other three men hummed in response. 

“He killed his clan, then joined the Akatsuki, and when Lord Third died, he attacked Konoha. I would have killed him myself if I could ever get my hands on him.” The man opened the Bingo Book and stabbed Itachi's photograph with his knife multiple times, distorting his brother's face, causing a small, fine cleft to appear on the surface of the paper. 

They didn't even have a new photograph of his brother. He was 12-years-old in his photograph and these Shinobi wanted him dead. Unable to take insults on his brother anymore, Sasuke got up from his seat. 

“What are you doing?” Juugo hurried behind him. 

“Don't you see what they're talking about Itachi?” 

“They don't know anything about your brother. Even we don't know anything about him.” 

Sasuke took a shaky breath. “We're here to kill the man who destroyed my brother's life.”

“Right. And you said we're going to have to keep up our cover. We don't want to alert anyone before we're finished with our work,” Suigetsu said. It was rare and refreshing to see Suigetsu not being a brat. 

Sasuke shut his eyes. His Mangekyou eyes returned to the normal black hue when he realized he couldn't let his plan go in vain because these ignorant people were unaware of the life Itachi lived. His brother sacrificed everything for these bastards. 

No one was worth the pain Itachi lived. If it meant destroying the world to bring his brother happiness, he would do that too. Right now, they needed to move. They would capture Danzo and kill him. He knew Danzo would be a strong opponent to them. He couldn't afford to die in the battle, which was why he would need help from Team Taka. Karin would have been an incredible addition to their group, but right now, Itachi needed her more. They would make sure Danzo didn't see the light of another day. 

Very few people disgusted him the way the man robed in white did. His one eye was covered with bandages, one of his arms was fully enshrouded in white. Despite so much white covering him, Danzo gave off the air of someone who hadn't stepped into the sunlight even for a moment. Danzo was walking, surrounded by the Konoha Shinobi, towards the lone bridge in the vicinity that would direct him to Sanrō. Sasuke had positioned Suigetsu and Juugo accordingly, so that Suigetsu with his aqueous body could work as a decoy to distract Danzo's bodyguards, while Juugo with his violent rampage would take them down. Danzo would have no time to assimilate the new developments and would be vulnerable to Sasuke's attacks. 

However, Sasuke was not blind to the fact that Danzo would indeed be formidable and he would further need Juugo and Suigetsu's aid in defeating the man. He didn't want to take any chances which would either result in him dying or Danzo walking away scott-free. Before coming here, Sasuke had tried an experiment — he had tried to control Juugo's rampages with his Sharingan. If Sharingan could control the Tailed Beasts, as Kabuto had said the other day, when he told him about his plan to kill Danzo, it would be able to work on Juugo as well. Sasuke's simple Sharingan was taking time to work on Juugo, although his Mangekyo Sharingan was quick to take his friend under its influence. Juugo trusted him with his life, and Sasuke was unwilling to break his promise made to him months ago. 

They had planned things far ahead in advance and it was now the time to implement them and return home victorious. 

The first part of their plan was successful with Suigetsu targeting the unsuspecting Konoha ninja. Then, Juugo attacked them from the other side. Sasuke watched quietly when Juugo tore the limbs of one of the bodyguards and threw the other one off the corner of the bridge, killing him immediately. The third one barely formed the hand signs before he, too, was devoured by Juugo's gigantic form. Juugo was unstoppable. Sasuke could direct him whatever way he wanted. Right now, his job, along with Suigetsu, was to kill the Konoha Shinobi. They would only prove to be a nuisance in his mission. It proved to be a slightly harder mission than they had initially hoped, however, killing them took no extra effort than was necessary. Juugo was far too quick and strong for anyone to stand up to him. 

Danzo watched the violence in front of his eyes, not flinching, not batting an eye, and not fearing the consequences. His facial expressions changed slightly when he spotted Sasuke, mouthing his name. 

Sasuke didn't want to waste his time in futile pleasantries and greetings. Danzo understood it too. 

“I did not plan to meet you and get ambushed. I do not have time to play with children,” Danzo said. 

“Neither do I. However, I do have something to ask you,” Sasuke said. “Why did you make my brother kill his clan?”

“So, he told you the truth? I didn't think he was that kind of man. But it looks like I was mistaken.” Danzo had been surprised to know Itachi could go against the interests of the village if Sasuke was harmed. Why was the man even surprised?

“He also told you if you were to harm me he would leak all the village secrets to the enemy nations,” Sasuke answered. “Don't think it's not possible anymore.” 

Danzo stared at him for a moment. Then, wordlessly, he untied the bandages covering his right arm, revealing the gross sight of multiple Sharingan embedded in his skin. Sasuke suddenly wanted to throw up. 

“Never mind any of this,” Sasuke said. “I've already decided to kill you.” How many Sharingan did his arm have? How many people did he kill to seize these Sharingan? 

Without another statement, Danzo lept at him with full force, stopped suddenly by a hard glassy expanse of his susano'o, his form captured roughly by the susano'o arm. Danzo grumbled, making failed efforts to free himself from the vice-like grip. 

“He told you the whole truth with his dying breath,” Danzo groaned, pain evident in his voice as he spoke. “It seems you alone were special to him. Self-sacrifice… That is the Shinobi way… has been since ancient times. Not only your brother, but countless Shinobi sacrificed their lives for it. The world could not function with only light and pleasant ideals.”

Sasuke tightened his susanoo's hold on Danzo, making him spurt more blood from his mouth. This man had violated his brother when he was too little to defend himself. Despite his growing anger, Sasuke savoured the pained words Danzo slurred.

“You misunderstand your brother's will. You might never understand it at all. However, by revealing the village's secret to you, he has truly betrayed Konoha.”

Sasuke couldn't take it anymore. He squeezed Danzo in his hands, feeling every single bone of his body break, every single layer of his flesh crushed with his susano'o. 

“Don't ever speak Itachi's name again,” he said. Danzo was dead. 

Unfortunately, when he thought Danzo was gone, the man suddenly targeted him from behind, only for Sasuke to dodge it in time. He couldn't wait to express his shock at watching the man before him alive after crushing him to death with his own hands. 

“Amaterasu.” 

Danzo was engulfed in the black flames. Danzo, however, countered him using Wind style vacuum release, succeeding. Sasuke was thrown off the balance from the edge of the bridge. He immediately summoned Garuda, who broke his fall, bringing him back to the bridge. Danzo said something about his usage of Amaterasu, as if praising him for his skills. 

“Sasuke, you're going to exhaust yourself if you do this too much!” Suigetsu spoke. The men that aided Danzo were long dead and Suigetsu and Juugo were waiting for an opportunity to help Sasuke. As soon as Danzo heard Suigetsu's voice he used the Wood Release with the intent of creating an impenetrable wood prison. Sasuke thwarted his attempt by bringing his susano'o between Danzo and his targets, capturing his friends into his safety net. Danzo was growing impatient and irritated. 

Never had the man come across an opponent as strong as Sasuke. He hadn't fought anyone in years, and an Uchiha giving him a hard time was not acceptable to him. Sasuke twice more used Amaterasu on him, burning the man, watching him turn to the ashes before he rose again. Each time Danzo returned Sasuke noticed the Sharingan-eyes in his arm closing on their own. Things were beginning to make more sense to him. 

Sasuke moved to plunge his sword into Danzo's back one more time and as he did so, he heard the man murmur something. Before the tip of his sword could breach Danzo's skin, Sasuke found himself paralyzed. He felt sharp patterns forming on his skin that held him down in his place. He could still hear Danzo, but his own limbs would not move. 

“Why, Itachi..” Danzo said. “Why was it necessary to save the life of such trash! Look at his state. He's your biggest mistake without a doubt.” 

Sasuke's thoughts reeled back to his brother. He had to go back to him. He would not die here. He remembered Itachi suffering all alone for years because of the man who stood in front of him. Sasuke couldn't afford to lose to him when he was so close to succeeding. He would kill him. His death would be the biggest gift to Itachi. Itachi hadn't killed Danzo because the man was crucial in keeping the village safe, a place where Sasuke lived. Sasuke wasn't bound by the loyalty to the village – there was absolutely nothing that tied him to the village, so he had no reason to worry about its safety. 

It was the thoughts of his brother, willing to die in his presence, accepting hate and dishonour for his sake, the memories of his parents’ corpses and Itachi weeping in front of them before Sasuke appeared at the door that triggered the reversal of Danzo's seal upon Sasuke. Danzo's surprised look did not please him anymore. 

Now, it was time for Juugo to get to work and at his cue, he was heading towards Danzo, his otherwise gentle nature thrown away for the sake of the friendship they had formed along with their camaraderie. While Juugo tackled the man, Sasuke now plunged his sword in the old man's right arm, removing it clean from the bones that joined the arm to the shoulder. Danzo screamed. With his remaining strength, Sasuke plunged it in his chest, targeting the most vital spot. Kabuto had briefed him on Danzo, which Sasuke acknowledged proved helpful during this fight. Danzo was exhausted. While Sasuke, too, was near his breaking point he wasn't as bad as his enemy. With his arm gone, Danzo was having a hard time controlling the Hashirama cells. The bandage that covered his right eye came down during his struggle with Juugo, revealing one more Sharingan. 

“This eye..”

“Shisui Uchiha,” Danzo groaned. “Your brother helped me obtain all these eyes, including your parents’.” 

Sasuke twisted his sword in Danzo's chest, piercing his heart even more ruthlessly. When he struggled more, Juugo twisted Danzo's remaining arm, breaking its bones. 

“These are the hands you touched my brother with.” He watched the old man with smug satisfaction. No punishment was enough for Danzo. There was, however, one last thing to do before he would send the man to hell. He extended his arm and plucked Shisui's eye from his socket. This eye belonged to Itachi, to someone Shisui loved and would want his eye to be with. Danzo grunted in pain again. 

“Now,” Sasuke said, watching the withered man squirm on his sword. The sight before him was delightful. Danzo, the man who destroyed Itachi's life, forced him to kill his own parents, killed Shisui and took his eye, deserved a death that would make his soul shiver in agony at the thought of finding him again. Slowly, Sasuke closed his eyes, accumulating his Chakra in one place, then opened them. Danzo stood, staring at him stunned. Sasuke knew the damage he could cause the man who had no defence for himself anymore would be irreversible. He created a world filled with perfection first. Konoha, at peace — precisely what Danzo wanted. Then, Uchiha rose from their graves. They had no faces. They were the manifestations of Sasuke's memories of his clan members he remembered faintly. Danzo wanted to close his eyes, but could not. He wanted to run away, screaming, but in all directions faceless people with burning red eyes stared at him. 

“You killed them,” Sasuke said calmly. “Now you don't deserve to live.”

Sasuke opened his mouth, releasing the flames of Amaterasu that began to ravage the man, drowning his screams. 

“This is just your Genjutsu. You really are Itachi's little brother.”

Sasuke felt pride rush in him. Yes, he was Itachi's little brother. 

“Just because it's Genjutsu doesn't mean it can't kill you.” Sasuke laughed. He recalled the way Danzo hurt his brother, used him, violated him, isolated him, forced him on a path of his own destruction. He recalled Itachi struggling in a lonely room, waiting for his death, while Danzo lived comfortably in Konoha. Sasuke intensified the flames. “For 72 hours you will bear this, Danzo.” 

Due to low chakra, Sasuke was at his own breaking point. He wanted to complete the process. The hate and anger he felt in his heart intensified the flames surrounding Danzo. He still did not let the man die. 72 hours were nothing in comparison to what his brother endured for years. 

“You!” Danzo collapsed at his feet. “You brat!” 

Sasuke shut his eyes, breathing deeply. This took a heavy toll on his eyes as well as his chakra. The constant use of susano'o was beginning to weigh him down as well. It felt as if his whole body was on fire, every cell in his body was in extreme pain. He still had to work on perfecting the susano'o. This was the side-effect of using susano'o for too long. The thought of Itachi using it to free him from Orochimaru's curse mark — how bad was it for his brother? In no state to stand, let alone wield a powerful weapon like susano'o. How much had Itachi suffered? 

“I'm going to —” Danzo began. “For the sake of the Shinobi world, I can't allow you to live, Sasuke Uchiha.”

This was something Kabuto had told him beforehand. It was the Reverse Tetragram Sealing Jutsu, meant to take on anyone who came within its sphere and seal them with the user's dead body. Sasuke, Juugo, and Suigetsu at Sasuke's cue ran towards the cliff next to the bridge, and jumped. Sasuke summoned Garuda immediately, all three falling on his back. The bird screeched, sensing the urgency in the air, and flew as high as he could. Sasuke's Genjutsu had slowed Danzo tremendously who struggled to weave the hand signs. Once he took a step forward, it would be impossible for Danzo to turn back even if he changed his mind. Sasuke looked back for a moment and a hint of uncertainty flashed in the man's eyes who watched his prey escape. 

Once they were at a comfortable height, Sasuke took a look back again. A giant sphere of black smoke formed around Danzo, consuming him like the black flames of Amaterasu. Once the plumes of smoke dissolved in the air, the damaged parts of the bridge were the only things visible to them. 

There was no trace of Danzo or any of his remains. 

Sasuke hadn't forgotten about the man's arm that Suigetsu clutched in his hands, visibly shaken by the ordeal of aiding Juugo in battling the threat like Danzo. 

“You never tell me he was this strong!” he said. 

“You should have known.” Juugo sighed. “Maybe next time we should bring Karin with us.” Juugo was exhausted. Despite this, he seemed proud of himself for having been able to control his urges to kill. 

“No way I'm going to abandon missions like these, but, Sasuke, can you tell us beforehand if the enemy is like this?”

Sasuke let Suigetsu and Juugo bicker, lost in his thoughts, as they descended back to earth. He noticed for the first time the bruises and wounds on his own skin. The blood on his cheeks, secreted from his eyes, collected and dried. Tiredness began to settle in his system when he felt the lull of the cold wind, tilting and swaying of the trees, a comfort to his heart he couldn't deny. The quietness of his heart that the man who had hurt his brother was dead replaced the agony briefly. The hollowness he always felt still persisted but there were more pressing matters he needed to attend to. 

He clearly remembered Itachi and his conversation about the eyes the day they battled. Itachi wanted him to take his eyes after his death, which was why he continued to tell him about Madara and his brother. He hadn't thought about Itachi's eyes. However, with their parents’ eyes in his possession, he could hope for his brother's eyes to gain their light. Sasuke looked at Shisui's eye in his hand. How would Itachi feel when he learned his friend's eye was with him now? Guided by his memory, he raised his hand. Suddenly, a crow fluttered its wings and settled on his shoulder. Sasuke extended his blood-soiled hand to the front and the eye floated and merged into the crow's. 

It was Itachi's crow. Sasuke didn't know where it came from. Had it been following them all along? Itachi was aware of his whereabouts while he trained with Orochimaru. Did he use this crow to keep an eye on Sasuke? The thought filled the boy with a sense of tenderness that was unlikely in the wake of the act of violence he had committed. He raised his hand, caressing the crow's head, and the bird made a small sound, flying away in the sky again. 

Completely exhausted, Sasuke leaned against the trunk of a tree, dragging himself to the ground, and sat down. The cool breeze caressed his face, soothed him. The sound of a rivulet not too far away was surprisingly refreshing. The weight of time, forever out of his grasp, settled silently in his palm, a slow hum in the air, the crystalized snow before it melted from the warmth of his skin. The birds sang absentmindedly. 

He thought about his brother. He would not let Itachi be alone again. Not in this lifetime. Not in any other lifetime. Even if destiny played cruel games and continued to separate them, he would make sure the destiny bent to his will. He would never let his brother suffer alone again.

Chapter Text

I still wake up with things to tell you. 

~ Trista Mateer 

---

The euphoria of killing Danzo had disappeared by the time he made it back to Orochimaru's hideout, giving way to confusion, anguish, and the realisation that the struggles did not end with Danzo's death. The world still perceived his brother dead, and even worse — a monster. In the eyes of the ignorant populace, his brother had been declared a criminal and judgement was passed a long time ago. 

He still replayed the conversation of the Konoha Shinobi he had overheard in the Land of Iron in his head. The way they casually talked about Itachi, speaking his name without so much as hesitation to announce him a criminal even though they themselves would have killed people if they deemed it necessary. Yet his brother had to be crucified and executed, judged by the crowd whose hands were tainted in the blood of others, if not their own kin. 

He'd never considered it – why was his brother seen with derision and hate, whereas there were people who would have killed people who did not deserve to die. Why were men like Danzo allowed to fester whereas everyone wished his brother death? 

How valid was it to kill people whether their own or others’? The people whom they killed must have been someone's parents and siblings. How did they justify the killings? On what grounds was morality acknowledged and discarded? Justice? Revenge? 

What would people think of his brother if they saw him now, like this? Torn and beaten and sick and dying. Would he appear like a monster to them at this moment? 

Why was fighting even necessary? Why did children like his brother have to suffer while their perpetrators like Danzo flourished? He had killed one Danzo. Danzo had said there were many others like Itachi who sacrificed their lives for the village. 

The world, he had come to realise, was a gigantic beast that devoured people — men, women, and children alike — without showing them any mercy. It did not care about the minor things like emotions and feelings, for it had to be fed for its survival. If it was not fed, it would die, taking everything along with it.

He still had the recollections of Itachi's conversation with their father, the tale he had relayed to his four-year-old child as a means to educate the boy in order to prepare him to face the unyielding monster, so when the time came, the child would know what to sacrifice and how much. Their father hadn't noticed the contrast between his own and his son's ideologies, the black and white, two sides of one coin. While his father had lived in the world and accepted its ways, like a path with flattened, wilted grass yellowed with dust and sunlight, his son had refused to go down without an inevitable battle against it.

Then, his brother, too, had fallen prey to the same beast. Devoured by the monster, his innocence taken away from him, his ability to separate himself from the rest dwindled and left in its wake a child with a broken heart and shattered dreams. Itachi had kept his hopes in Sasuke. But Sasuke didn't know how much of it he would ever fulfil. To him nothing mattered as much as Itachi. He couldn't imagine a world in which his brother wasn't alive.

Sasuke held his brother's palms in his own. His surgery had been successful. It took one languorous week. And it took several more days for Karin to announce there were more chances of his survival than they had initially believed. It was possible that Itachi would wake up sooner than expected. Itachi responded to the medical aides and medicines well whenever Sasuke was around, so for the sake of saving his life, Sasuke had been allowed to stay in the ICU longer than the visiting hours would allow in a hospital. However, theirs wasn't a regular hospital and they didn't have to follow the same rules. 

Sasuke stayed by his brother's side as much as he could, making up for the time he hadn't been there with him. Kabuto told him Itachi perhaps sensed Sasuke was around him. The readings indicating that he was alive improved every time they were taken in his presence. If Itachi's case wasn't a top secret one, Kabuto said to him one day, he would have written a book for this revolutionary medical discovery. Sasuke retorted he could write whatever he wanted but without mentioning his brother's name. 

For the time Sasuke remained by Itachi's side, he cleaned him, combed his hair, worried when his brother's hair came down in clumps. It was the effect of the medicines and weakness in his body, Karin said. He would get better after waking up. 

Some parts of his head were beginning to show the patches of baldness, the pale skin shining beneath the black hair. And in some other places there were signs of hair growth. 

“It's not permanent,” Karin said during one of the checkups. “It's nothing to worry about.” 

The evening sunlight filtered into the room from the nearby window, flecking the small expanse of the floor available for its gentle assault. Some spilled on him and Itachi, illuminating his brother's ashen skin, deathly and discoloured in contrast to his own life-like one. 

It was then he felt it — the slight twitch in his brother's hand, the slow and imperceptible movements, the tingle in his own skin, minute enough to be missed if not for him waiting for the sign of Itachi's improvement. The movement stopped as soon as it had begun. Sasuke gently placed Itachi's hand on the bed, waiting for the action again. For a while he wasn't certain if Itachi had indeed shown signs of life or he imagined it. However, it happened, more prominent this time. 

Placed on the white sheets on either side of his body, Itachi's fingers moved first, shaky and slow, like the slow stirring of leaves on the onset of the stormy winds. There was a painful kind of silence in the air for the next several moments in which everything apart from the machines resigned itself to stillness. Sasuke's hands reached out to touch Itachi's forehead, as if beseeching him to open his eyes, but no change came. When Karin came for the regular checkup moments later, she told him it wouldn't be long before he would open his eyes. These were good signs. His brother was gaining consciousness and things were on their way of improvement. 

Sasuke had thought of countless things to say to Itachi when he would wake up. The expectations of his reunion with his brother were layered with inconsequential distractions and ardent hopes. He knew for certain that he would scream at Itachi for leaving him alone, for lying to him for so many years, and for trusting complete strangers over him, for not taking him along so they could be together. He would tell his brother that nothing else mattered as long as he had Itachi with him. If it was so obvious to Sasuke who was younger than him, then why couldn't Itachi, despite being the older of the two, understand that leaving him alone in a place where no one loved him was a bad idea? This was his home, where Itachi existed. Everything else in the world didn't matter. 

Itachi had been many things to many people. To the village he was a loyal Shinobi, yet not someone worth remembering, worth honouring; to their clan he had been a traitor long before he was forced to betray them; and to the Akatsuki he was only a disposable pawn who would be replaced by someone else. The task of capturing Naruto was given to someone else in his absence, nearly carried out and failed. There was hardly any difference between Akatsuki and Konoha in how they felt about his brother. Despite this stark truth Sasuke couldn't deny that his brother had perhaps had more freedom in the Akatsuki than in the village. He could mourn in front of a dangerous criminal. No one in the Akatsuki had done to Itachi what Danzo did to him. No one preached morals and defended themselves in the name of morals and ideals and honour. 

Itachi had been safer with them than he had ever been in the presence of the people he loved. 

Days and nights were meaningless to him, the essential phenomenon meant to determine the cycle of life, but had lost their relevance to him. He defined his days not by the sunrises and sunsets or the glowing afternoons but the slow movements of Itachi's fingers, the light rise and fall of his chest when he could breathe easily, the sounds heart monitor made as an indicator of his improving condition. Kabuto and Karin visited for checkups regularly and soon he was shifted to what would be the equivalent of a general ward of a standard hospital with several equipment accompanying him. Even then, he was left alone with Itachi with no one disturbing him. No disturbances were made to gain his attention even for the right causes. He was not so much annoyed with Kabuto’s presence as he used to be in the past. It seemed they had reached an understanding where Sasuke would not mind Kabuto and Kabuto would not make irrelevant remarks on him and Itachi. 

Unless someone reminded him, Sasuke forgot he had to eat. The only times he was disturbed, which was still unwelcome to him, was when someone came to call him to have his meals. It was Karin who took it upon herself, fully aware that Juugo and Suigetsu would not succeed, to get him to have his meals. Sasuke couldn't bear her wrath, so whenever she appeared at the door he would stand up without another word and follow her. For the time Sasuke was out of the room, Juugo would guard it in case of any new development. 

When Sasuke returned to the room from the dinner, he realised it had been twelve days since he killed Danzo. As was the routine, he sat on the chair next to Itachi, watching him intently, waiting. Sometimes he believed this wasn't real; that nothing existed. But when darkness of the room unfurled before him, existing despite the dimly lit electric bulbs, he became painfully aware of the reality he had lived through like a ghost, moving in and out of the moments, the vanishing scent of an old memory. 

He waited for his brother to open his eyes, something he would only consider a miracle, because Itachi's hibernation after his surgery had lasted more than Kabuto had suspected it would. 

Late at night, when Sasuke almost dozed off for a moment, lulled to sleep by the fragrances carried by the summer breeze, he heard the rustling outside. Wide awake, he looked around in hope to find an intruder. Had Konoha found out about his whereabouts and come to avenge their leader? His ears caught on nothing but the whistling of the wind and the low noises of the crickets and cicadas. Suddenly, there was too much noise for him to listen to the sound he wanted to hear. He stood up and walked towards the window, only to find the outside world plunged in the white moonlight. He had chosen the room with easy ventilation for Itachi. Despite being perfectly guarded from any outside threats this room fit to what he was looking for. For a moment, however, he considered moving Itachi to another room in case this was unsafe. 

The surroundings were quiet. He could not sense any threat, no change in the atmosphere which the arrival of an enemy brought. It would have been an animal, he thought to himself. Or it was only wind. When he looked back, Itachi's blanket was moved a little below from his chest. He returned to his seat, absentmindedly covering his brother with the blanket, and then, he looked at Itachi. 

All of a sudden, other than his own escalated heartbeats he couldn't hear any other noises. The sounds cicadas, the wild birds, and the crickets made evaporated when his mind connected the moments together and the realisation came to him. His eyes slowly moved up from his hand where he rested it close to Itachi's shoulder to his eyes and found a pair of onyx staring at him. 

For how long had Itachi been awake? For how long had he been looking at him? 

Much to Sasuke's dismay, Itachi's features held no traces of recognizability. They stared at him as if he was in a trance, existing in a universe that was as far away from Sasuke's as it was physically possible to exist. The eyes blinked so slowly they could easily have belonged to a dead man if he didn't know it was his own brother lying on the hospital bed. He had berated Itachi the day they battled, stating he still had the same cold eyes that betrayed no emotion on his face. Little did he know the ocean of anguish the coldness those eyes were hiding from him, an ocean that was threatening to drown him in its fathomless depths. It had been an effort to make Itachi react to him, to acknowledge him, and to mask his own fear he felt at Itachi's sudden and unexpected appearance. 

The look on Itachi's eyes was still the same, but now, Sasuke could see the emotion hidden behind them. 

“Itachi —” he said, hoping the utterance of his name would bring some change in his brother's expressions, but his reality remained lost to Sasuke. Had Itachi moved himself or it was the wind that had stirred the bedsheet? He wouldn't know. 

When Itachi closed his eyes again, falling asleep or fading into unconsciousness again, Sasuke headed to Karin's chamber and brought her to take a look at his brother. She was still working. 

“He's alright,” she said. She checked his pulse rate and then moved to check his heart-rate, saying he was doing better now. He had a high temperature and he was still under the influence of the medicines available in his system. 

It took 48 more hours and a painful amount of wait for Itachi to eventually gain the semblance of consciousness Sasuke had been desperately waiting for weeks. It happened so unexpectedly and so quietly that Sasuke almost missed it. 

It was the afternoon — or early evening, it was hard to tell — when he dozed off, carried to a dream in which he met his parents and his brother did not seem worried. He laughed at something Sasuke said, smiling afterwards when their parents had left, the small smile he passed when he saw his little brother. There was an easiness to the life he hadn't ever felt. 

“Sasuke,” Itachi called him, but when their eyes met, Itachi was not looking at him. Worried, Sasuke began to run after Itachi; then the sound came again. 

He jerked out of his sleep. It was dark around him. Had he been asleep for too long? 

Then, as if on instinct, his eyes rested on his brother, and his breath hitched. This time, it wasn't just the movement of his hands or the ghostly eyes staring at the ceiling but the sign of life in those nearly-lifeless orbs that arrested him. Sasuke sat beside his brother, speechless, watching Itachi, taking in the appearance of his brother, soaking in the slow realisation that he had finally woken up. The moment that had seemed impossible not too long ago had become a truth he would never forget. 

Itachi's wandering eyes settled on him. At first, they took the time to adjust to the light in the room so he could see the face of the person seated next to him. His feeble form moved slightly, not giving the slightest of the hint of his emotions as the gaze aimed at Sasuke momentarily hardened. Then, a look of familiarity came to his face, quickly overtaken by grief and then immediately replaced by horror. The process was so silent, so quick that Sasuke wasn't even sure he had seen it or it was his imagination. Itachi then looked away from him, turning his head to look at the other side. Sasuke saw a trail of tears leaving his eyes, blending in the skin covered with a thin film of sweat. Itachi still had a fever. 

He did not look at Sasuke again. Sasuke sat next to him, holding his hand. Itachi flinched a little but did not retreat his hand away from his brother's grasp. 

His life had been a theatre, an act performed so brilliantly that there was never a room for mistake. He had planned to end it with perfection, leaving no trace and no hints of him being anything other than what he wanted everyone to believe. He had been immersed in the act so proficiently that he himself had forgotten his true identity. With his death he had wanted to erase himself, his identity and his existence, his love, and all the struggles no one but darkened rooms like this had witnessed. The only times the curtains dropped, revealing transparent versions of his brother, still true to himself, were the walls or the landscapes unknown to him. Itachi must have done it unconsciously the way he did it in front of the woman at the temple so many years ago. Sasuke had seen the most vulnerable moments of his brother, feeling guilty, for it felt like intrusion, yet there was no other way. The Itachi he saw now was no different from his memories. The mask that became a part of him was present on his face. Despite this, the sense of belonging Sasuke used to feel, the sense of being home he felt in Itachi's presence returned to him. 

Sasuke felt the bed dip a little, and when he refocused his attention in front of him, he saw Itachi trying to sit upright. So far, he couldn’t tell what Itachi was feeling. Except for the brief display of sentiments a few moments ago, his expressions gave nothing away. Sasuke saw his struggle and gently pried his hand away from the edge of the bed, helping him lean on the pillows against the headrest he inclined. 

He expected Itachi to say something. He hoped his brother would break the ice, ask him questions, even if it meant being angry, wanting to know why he had destroyed his perfect plan of death. But Itachi said nothing for a long time. The wind and night birds had begun their songs again. He looked everywhere except at his brother. Itachi must be angry. 

“Why.” One quietly spoken word dissolved the silence between them. It was neither a question, nor a statement. 

Sasuke looked up at him. Itachi was looking at the duvet on his lap, the white sheet aglow in the moonlight and the bulbs in the room. This one word held far too many questions and the answers to them all should have been obvious to Itachi. Sasuke did not expect himself to answer the question properly. All his expectations and preparations for this moment were thwarted by the onslaught of emotions he had no control over. He found himself in the middle of a world that was submerged in Itachi's blood, with the tributaries of their clan members’ blood meeting it. It was a world where his brother's screams had been silenced for the sake of the village. How would he answer such a simple question? 

Why? Indeed. 

How could he express everything when words couldn't even begin to justify the reasoning for everything he had done? Love, he would have said if he wasn't suddenly distracted by Itachi's hand enclosing around his wrist. In the dark, he saw his brother gently press his fingers into his flesh as if he was apologising for the last time they'd met. It was a gentle and slow caress, offering him comfort, seeking his apology. 

The memory of their first reunion triggered a series of reactions in Sasuke. His heart began to beat violently and breathing almost became shallow. The memory of that day was still painful to him. Itachi's cold glare, his hand twisting his wrist, a violent jab on his ribcage, and the fingers on his throat strong enough to pin him on the wall, him murmuring and mocking him for not having enough hate. Then him becoming the witness of his parents’ murder over and over again, the torment that lasted for hours. Soon he was left alone. 

The recollection filled him with an old bitterness, and he attempted to retract his hand away from Itachi's grasp, applying no force, because the better part of his brain knew this moment was nothing like the last time. Even though his reactions would have been imperceptible to any outsider, his brother seemed to notice everything clearly, and immediately released him. His hand went back to the bedspread, curled, taking as little space his little body would allow.

Sasuke stood up from his seat, moving towards the open window where the curtains moved with the wind, recalling his brother's condition once he'd learned what he'd done to Sasuke. Even then, his mind went far into the past, his imploring eyes fixed on Itachi, pathetically requesting him to show mercy. Itachi wanted Sasuke to hate him. And Sasuke couldn't let go of the pain entirely. 

The deaths of their parents were not like anything Sasuke had witnessed in Itachi's Tsukuyomi. He reluctantly looked back at Itachi who sat with his head bowed down, fingers curling around the covers so tightly that the hand with the IV drip began to bleed. Sasuke rushed towards his brother, removing his fingers away. 

“Don't, Itachi. Please.” He inserted the needle again in a more comfortable space into his vein. Karin had taught him how to do it in case she wasn't around and he would need to do it. 

Itachi did not look at him. Sasuke slowly lowered the bed, making it easy for Itachi to lie down and rest. He sank on the chair next to his brother, watching him closely. Once again tears streaked his face, the thin layer like aluminium shining on his skin.

Sasuke felt a heavy stone placed over his chest, a hand on his mouth tightening to keep him from breathing or screaming. He was in his home, watching the fires and smoke go up as dead bodies scattered on the streets one by one. His parents screamed his name, but before he reached them they were nothing but the lifeless limbs joined abnormally in places. The bodies he left behind begged him for justice. 

Then he found Itachi behind him. His brother's hands reached his sword. 

“Don't kill me. Don't kill me please.”

Itachi let out a malicious grin. “Heh. Don't worry. I will not kill you. You're not even worth killing.”

Sasuke woke up with a start, sweat covering his body, vision blurry with sweat and tears he couldn't stop. Past few weeks he had been so distracted by his care for Itachi that he hadn't had the time to fall asleep, which had also abated his nightmares. 

He didn't realise when he'd fallen asleep and when his nightmare began and why. He was still breathing heavily. He wetted his lips with his tongue and collapsed on the chair once again, staring at the ceiling like he'd done hundreds of times after such nightmares. He turned his gaze to the window, bypassing Itachi, watching the curtains dance erratically to a rhythm of the wind. 

Nearly afraid, he dared to look at Itachi, and felt something break within him. His brother's hand clutched the sheet tightly to the point his hand with the IV drip began to bleed again. His eyes were closed, yet they failed to hide the tears. 

Had his nightmare been so obvious to Itachi? Had Itachi tried to wake him up? He wouldn't know. He hadn't wanted his brother to know any of this. He didn't want Itachi to wake up and see him like this and blame only himself for everything. He knew Itachi did blame himself and his breakdowns would make matters worse. This wasn't meant to go like this. 

Hesitating, he placed his hand on Itachi's shoulder, both afraid and nervous. Itachi recoiled at his touch, but for now, Sasuke didn't care. He was afraid, too. 

“I'm scared, Itachi,” he whispered. “I don't know what to do.. I'm so, so tired.” Sasuke sat down on the floor, his head leaning on the bed, facing his brother. The machines signalling his brother's beating heart felt like a lullaby he eventually fell asleep to. He had dreams once again, the nightmares, the labyrinth of the memories in which he travelled, searching for peace and solace, neither of which came while he slept. 

When he woke up in the morning, the sun was already out, warming the room. The wind from the night before hadn't subsided yet as if it awaited a storm. Yet it was a pleasant kind of storm that seemed to be approaching them. When he began to move, he felt his hand threaded into something else, which upon a single glance turned out to be locked into his brother's palm. He remembered Itachi doing this when they were little and he was too nervous to admit he was afraid at night when their parents were away. Itachi would let him sleep in his room and when he would wake up, he would find his hand tucked in his brother's like this. It had happened far too many times for him to know by now that it wasn't an accident and Itachi had wanted to protect him from the monsters in his sleep even though they did not exist outside of his imagination. 

He retreated his grasp from his brother's and watched his features, unguarded and silent like a child asleep after a long journey, creases of pain wiped out briefly. This Itachi was familiar to him. Someone he knew from his long abandoned past, a thread held so feebly in his hands it could snap any moment, yet it strengthened when he took a deep breath and a smile formed on his lips. 

Lost in his nightmares last night he had forgotten that he had eventually succeeded in getting back his brother. The wait of years was over. He ran his hand over Itachi's forehead, pained at how little hair was there on his head in places. When he was a little better, Itachi would need a haircut. Their mother would occasionally cut his brother's hair because he didn't like going to a barber's shop, and when he'd distanced himself from his family, Sasuke didn't remember Itachi ever going to his mother. 

The sound of Karin's footsteps woke Itachi up. She was casual when she walked past him, making her regular checkups, telling Sasuke that Itachi would not need any additional equipment from now on. His blood pressure was still quite low, so they would have to take care of it, and make sure it didn't fluctuate too much and too often. The rest was returning to normal. 

It was hard to tell what Itachi thought of her as she sprang from one place to the other, talking to Sasuke, and offering comments on Itachi's health. She took out three tablets and placed them in front of Itachi. Itachi winced and looked away. 

“What?” she said. “You're going to take these medications, Itachi Uchiha.”

“I don't like medicines.” He wasn't looking at her or Sasuke as he spoke. 

“Huh? You lived on them for years.” 

“I don't like medicines.” A small pout was on his lips that surprised Sasuke. His older brother, the man feared for his genius, was afraid of medicines. 

“I don't care. You'll have to take these.” 

He sat silently, not answering her. 

“Don't do that now, Itachi,” she said. “You're acting worse than Suigetsu would in your condition… and that says something.”

Sasuke watched the exchange with amusement and took the tablets in his own hands. He sighed and handed one over to his brother. Itachi lowered his head. 

“Itachi,” Sasuke said. “Please.” 

Itachi didn't look up. 

“You're not making it easy for us,” Karin said, feigning exasperation. “You could at least think about your brother who's been worried sick about you for as long as I can see. You could at least not make his life harder than it already is.” 

Sasuke saw Itachi's fingers curl into a fist and close his eyes. Sasuke placed his hand on his brother's shoulder, making Itachi look at him. “Don't mind her,” he said. “These are your medicines. We'll talk when you're feeling a little better. I promise.”

Since when did their relationship become like this? He was the younger brother who had always yearned for home he could only find in his brother. More than their parents, any friend, or any other company, Sasuke had felt most comfortable in his brother's presence. All those nights at home, unable to fall asleep, he had thought of coming across his brother once again, and crying in his arms, because what else was a homeless child supposed to do when he found the home he was looking for? 

But here he was, comforting Itachi as if Itachi had been in his place, the younger brother, and he was in his brother's, the older one. Maybe it was because he now knew Itachi's childhood had been stolen away from him as well, a possibility he had never considered living in Konoha, by the adults who were in charge of looking after him. Maybe it was because his brother looked defenceless and afraid, terrified of what he would be subjected to in care of strangers and the brother he loved, yet felt unworthy of the love he was offered.

When Sasuke was lost in his thoughts, Itachi had taken the medicines from his outstretched palm and was chewing it slowly. Sasuke understood why Itachi hated the medicines. There was no need to chew the medicines when he could have taken them with water. Maybe it was one of his ways to punish himself and remind himself that he was suffering. 

Itachi had been surprisingly quiet since last night. Sasuke expected him to throw a fit, perform any of his tactics to try to get out of the place, but he had sat quietly as if silence within him would evaporate from the mortal world, finishing the job his brother had failed to do for him. 

Sasuke moved towards Itachi to recline the bed but his brother shook his head. Sasuke sat next to Itachi, and looked. 

“Why?” Itachi repeated the question from the previous night. He wouldn't look at Sasuke, wouldn't meet eyes with him. 

“Isn't it obvious, Itachi?” 

“I - I can see.” Itachi wasn't ready for the conversation, to accept the truth. So, he dodged the answer. 

“Those are mother's eyes.”

Itachi's eyes shot in his direction, a hint of fear visible in his gaze. “Danzo…” 

“It's okay. He's dead. We killed him.” 

“We?”

“Team Taka. We were Hebi before. I assembled them to —” He stopped immediately. He'd assembled them to seek their help in searching for Itachi so he could kill him. Itachi must have understood that because he again lowered his head. 

“Then why?” There was a painful silence in these two words, an intimation of suppressed agony that surfaced occasionally within him, cold and fatal, and knife-like. 

“I could ask you the same, Itachi,” Sasuke answered. “Why didn't you kill me that night? It would have been so much easier. I was supposed to die with our parents. How was I any different from our mother and father?”

Itachi swallowed hard. Sasuke knew this moment was the repetition of many of Itachi's nightmares. But if not Itachi, then who else would he share these feelings with? Who else would understand his fears? 

“You thought you were making me hate you with everything you did, but I ended up hating myself instead. You - you -” a choked sob punctuated his words. “You were supposed to love me.. Even if -'' He sighed, trying his best to keep his voice from breaking. “You promised me you would always be by my side and then you left! I waited every day… I - I thought it was a nightmare and when I would wake up you would be there with me. Mom and dad too. But none of you ever came back. Do - do you k - know, Itachi, everyone looked at me like I would break.. But no one wanted to be my friend. I didn't want to be their friend because I - I was a - afraid I would have to k - kill my best friend. And I m - missed you… I thought maybe y - you were gone on a mission and weren't allowed to talk to me about it. But -” 

He was now clinging to Itachi, his head on his brother's shoulder. His anger had melted into pain, giving voice to the wordless feelings he had kept in his heart all these years. Arms wrapped tightly around his brother's frail body, his shirt dampened from the tears Sasuke shed. 

“After the Academy I saw all the kids going out with their parents in the evening. S - some trained with their siblings. N - Naruto and I would sit alone, but then I - Iruka would take him with him. Everyone had s - someone they could take b - back their report cards to, but I topped my class and couldn't show mine to anyone. I w - wanted you to be there with me.”  

His hold on Itachi tightened as if loosening it would mean his brother would fade away from his grasp and the only way to keep Itachi with him was to hold him as tightly as he could. 

“Every day I waited for you and mom and dad on the porch… I thought maybe you'd come back today… Maybe tomorrow… Maybe the next day. But you didn't. Mom and dad didn't come back either. Itachi, I - I didn't know what I did so wrong that you hated me so much; that mom and dad left me all of a sudden. I didn't get to talk to them before they—” He gulped. Breathing suddenly became hard. 

He felt a feeble hand rise to his back and cradle his head tentatively as if his brother was afraid of breaking him further, afraid he would cause more damage to him with a simple gesture meant to comfort him. Sasuke closed his eyes when he felt Itachi's feverish hand on his head, gently stroking his hair. It was something his mother used to do when he was little. Had Itachi picked that from their mother? 

Sasuke didn't know. He leaned further into his brother's embrace, assimilating into the warmth that had been amiss his entire life. More tears fell from his eyes as he took the cognizance of his brother being there with him. In all of his moments in the past when he thought of Itachi, he used to be a ghost haunting the periphery of his vision, a memory that incarcerated itself into the confines of yesterday, never meant to be touched or heard of again. 

“I was so afraid sometimes, Itachi.. At home, there was no one there. Everyone I'd known was dead. It was like I didn't know anyone when I went to the Academy. Every day I came home to find it empty. And when Lord Hokage gave me the keys to a new apartment, I would still stay in our house because it had so much of everyone I knew — you, mother, and father. I always asked myself why I was so worthless that you wouldn't even kill me.” 

Sasuke wiped his tears. His speech had become slightly more coherent. Now that he'd started talking about his feelings, he didn't want to stop. He wanted Itachi to know everything he'd been through. He had been so afraid of Itachi before, but now, as his brother heard him quietly, Sasuke wanted to pour every bit of feeling in his chest for Itachi to know. 

“I thought, maybe if I stayed at home you'd know I was there... That maybe you'd find your way back to me. You wouldn't have to search for me if I didn't leave. But you never came back.” The boy sobbed. “I stayed awake late at night to see if you were coming back. Then, some time later I forgot why I used to stay awake… I thought it was because I was waiting for you to come back so I could kill you. And then you did come back… you came back. But you told them you didn't want anything to do with me. You were there for Naruto. Just… why.. Every time! I didn't know why you would hurt me… I wasn't worth killing, that's why you hurt me. You created lies over lies.

“I came to believe I hated you. That I couldn't love the person who killed our parents, who had the blood of innocent people on his hands. But in truth, I now understand I wanted you to not be the monster you made yourself out to be. I kept hoping and hoping everything I believed was a lie. Maybe.. Just maybe.” He stopped to breathe again. He didn't know how he'd spoken so much. These had been his feelings he knew he would confess to Itachi, but he was also aware of their possibility being a farce. 

“But you really did mean I was worth nothing, didn't you? You never cared about me.” He knew it was a poorly spoken lie. In his state as it was, even he could see that. But he hoped his words would create a small dent on his brother's heart smoothed with the layers of dust formed by the tragedy that he could never entirely erase, letting it rust his soul as it gradually devoured him. “You never thought of telling me what was going on… you - that Danzo - what he - did… Y - you continued to lie every time I saw you. You could have told me, Itachi.” 

Itachi was quiet. Every now and then Sasuke would feel his body tremble and hear him inhale and exhale air through his mouth. His other hand pulled Sasuke closer to him, so Itachi was holding him as tightly and protectively as his weakened form would allow. He didn't dare look at his brother. He didn't know what he would do if he found Itachi crying. He'd spoken too much too soon. 

“And then… you wanted to die. You planned everything. Every damn thing except for telling me the truth. I wasn't worth killing.. I wasn't worth telling the truth. I wasn't worth your attention. You never paid attention to me. You kept flicking my forehead and then ran away. And then you planned to die at my hands. Once you were gone, Itachi, tell me, who was I supposed to have? Where would I have gone if my brother was dead?” 

Itachi shuddered and made a small noise in his throat that Sasuke understood meant acknowledgement of his statements. Still, his brother remained quiet; for which Sasuke was immensely thankful. 

“Itachi… I wanted to be there for you, too,” he said gently. Having spoken his heart out, he was suddenly feeling light headed and exhausted. “You could share your pain with the people who didn't love you.. Who didn't care about you, but you never let me know at home. You left everything, thinking it was for the best for both of us. How.” He closed his eyes shut at the memory of the men rejoicing in the rumours of his brother being dead. “They think —” He sighed. “I want to kill all of them, Itachi. They don't know anything. I will kill them. But you don't want me to do that.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“You're better than me. You don't have to colour your hands in innocent people's blood.” 

“They're happy because of you.” You sacrificed yourself and they don't know. 

“I don't want you to sacrifice your life and future for me.”

For you, a thousand times over. He wanted to say, but exhaustion eventually seized him and a long-awaited slumber stole over him. Suddenly, everything around him was dark. The only sensation he felt until he was deep into the embrace of stillness was his brother's hand still stroking his hair. He felt like he was in his childhood home, tucked close to his brother, in a world where his family did not disappear. In the distance, he heard a bird singing a sweet symphony the sound of which was oddly comforting. He was aware of the ascending morning sun, but as his breathing quietened, he knew this was going to be the most peaceful sleep of his life.

Chapter Text

You collect scars because you want proof that you are paying for whatever sins you've committed.

~ Sarah J. Mass 

Sasuke slept in the foetal position. A coarse hand brushed his hair, gently stroking his forehead. Fingers of the similar texture curled around his own — warm, calloused, feverish, and bony. When he moved a little, he sensed he was lying on something soft and below his head was a soft, velvety pillow. His movements caused the caress on his forehead to still and the hand from his grasp released, leaving it empty and cold. A sudden panic filled him, eventually forcing him to lift his body, the movements slow and slightly uncomfortable as if he'd not moved in days. 

Next to him lay his brother, leaning on one side so he was facing Sasuke. Sasuke suddenly sat up, confused momentarily, wanting to get away from Itachi. The fear on his face must have been palpable, for the small smile tugging the corner of Itachi's lips disappeared immediately. Sasuke couldn't think how he ended up here. 

What had happened? 

Then, slowly, the memories came back. He'd saved Itachi's life, the memories he'd seen, and then he'd killed Danzo. Last evening, he had poured his heart to Itachi because he'd been so lonely all those years that he couldn't live without letting his brother know he'd rather have Itachi by his side than the happiness he'd wanted Sasuke to live with for his good. 

He looked at Itachi again who had closed his eyes, pulling his little body to himself as if he was afraid of moving for the fear of scaring his brother. 

Sasuke noticed he had occupied most of the bed, leaving Itachi a little space to sleep. He frowned. How had he slept so deeply that he wouldn't even know that Itachi was supposed to be the one taking rest, not him. Sasuke moved his hand to touch his brother's — to comfort Itachi or himself, to ascertain he wasn't dreaming, or to apologise — but as expected, he removed it before Sasuke had the chance to place his own on Itachi's. 

His brother tried to move, the painful exertion obvious on his face that contorted into anguish when he manoeuvred himself to sit upright. Without another word, Sasuke stood up and helped Itachi, reclining the bed, and covering him with the thin sheet he knew hadn't been here yesterday. He checked Itachi's forehead that was still warm, a clear sign of his fever. 

“Why is your fever not going away?” He looked at Itachi who averted his gaze from Sasuke's. Itachi didn't answer him. “Did Karin say something about it?” 

“It's not a big deal.”

“Did she say something about it?” 

“I don't like medicines. It would be better if it went away.” 

Sasuke fought the urge to smile at his brother's childishness.

“Did you take your medicines?” 

“Your girlfriend made sure I did.”

“W - what? She's not my girlfriend.”  

Itachi sighed. “Is she not? I thought –”

“You're wrong. She's my teammate. That's all.” He'd never considered Karin to be more than a teammate, even though she seemed interested in him in a different way. 

“Very well. I must have been mistaken, then.” Itachi's words were nonchalant and to Sasuke, it seemed Itachi was too tired to continue the conversation. 

A long silence followed the moment. Sasuke couldn't remember falling asleep, Karin checking up on Itachi. He must have been too deeply asleep all day to not notice anything. He needed to be more careful from now on. 

“I'm sorry I slept here too long.” Sasuke somewhat hated that he was the only one interested in talking. If he didn't look at Itachi's eyes blinking, the sideways glance directed at him as a form of acknowledgement of his words, he would have believed he was screaming into the void where all his words would get lost. “Looks like I slept for hours.” 

It was sunny outside, although he couldn't tell if it was late afternoon or early evening. It was certainly not morning. 

“Three days.” Itachi's words were so quiet as if they were not spoken at all. 

“Huh?” 

“You've been asleep for 2 nights and 3 days.”

“No way. You're messing with me.” 

The look of sadness on Itachi's face deepened. “I'm not.” 

It was then Sasuke noticed that Itachi was wearing new clothes and the bedsheet on which he lay had been changed — or it was a different bed altogether? 

“Why didn't you wake me up?” 

“You didn't want to wake up.”

“Then you could have sent me to another room. You deserved the rest.”

“So did you.”

It occurred to Sasuke that Itachi had deliberately not sent him away, because he'd wanted Sasuke to be by his side, because he understood that Sasuke would be able to sleep only if he was around. He was speechless for a while. What was he supposed to say? He wheeled around, walking mindlessly out of the room, with too much in his mind than he could handle.

An hour later, he came back to Itachi's room and found him lying with his eyes closed. He sat down on the chair. The sunlight was beginning to fade and the shadows from the trees and ledges of the rock encircling their refuge sharpened before him. He'd learned from Karin that he had become “a little drama queen” when she'd asked him to go to a different room if he wanted to sleep. But because of exhaustion he wouldn't move. Unconsciously, he had clutched Itachi's hand, making it hard for her to drag him out of the bed. Itachi, too, had requested her to let him stay. She said she needed to talk to Itachi because he couldn't continue to be the enabler of Sasuke's tantrums when he needed a proper rest. 

Later, Juugo came to the room, picked Sasuke up, while Karin and Suigetsu changed the bedsheets, and laid Sasuke down on the bed. The ever so collected Sasuke who never let his guard down in front of anyone had slept like a child next to his brother as if all his pain had suddenly disappeared. 

In the evening Karin came for the checkups, and he asked her the reason behind Itachi's fever. 

“It's not a big deal. His body is getting used to the new environment. It will take some time, but it'll get better in no time.”

“Can't you do something about it?” He meant her healing bites. 

“He didn't agree to this when I suggested this to him.”

That was expected of Itachi. But Sasuke wished his brother would stop punishing himself for everything — for the things that were hardly his fault, and the things he couldn't avoid committing. He knew it would be a long road ahead for them both, and for his brother's sake — his only family — he would do anything. 

He was lost for too long in thinking about their future when his thoughts were interrupted by a clattering sound coming from in front of him. In the waning light of the setting sun he saw Itachi's body convulse, writhing as if shackled by invisible chains that chafed his wrists and ankles, although there were no bruises anywhere on his body. His eyes were open, yet unseeing everything around him. The dark unfocused orbs stared at nothing but seemed to see everything in their field of vision. His teeth gritted, an effort he made to keep himself tied to any strand of sanity and the reality in his condition. Even in his unconscious state he tried his best to keep his composure, practised for years for moments like these, so his vulnerability could not be exploited by an outsider. His face was sweaty. When Sasuke palmed his forehead his brother's skin was icy cold, utterly devoid of human warmth, his rigid body briefly fell silent before the paroxysm seized him again. He called out for Itachi, hoping his words could pierce through the deathly haze his brother was locked in. It was to no avail. One of Itachi's hands suddenly clung to his sleeve, tight enough to mar the unblemished fabric of the white shirt he was wearing. Sasuke's voice calling out for him was smothered by the sounds his brother made, painful cries that rose were hardly above the sighs yet penetrated through his heart, dug holes into it.

Sasuke held his shoulders, trying to calm his brother down, which proved fruitless in the agitated state Itachi was in that moment. Itachi's hand loosened on Sasuke's sleeves and held his hand so tightly it could bruise him. His widely opened eyes stared at Sasuke, still not seeing him, but a streak of tears escaped from them. 

“K - Kisame,” he said, “t-tell my brother, p - please —” He stopped with a hiccup and his body, fragile as it was, collapsed on the bed. Sweat covered his clothes, the sheet, and his skin glowed sliver in the dim light. 

Itachi never completed his sentence and Sasuke didn't think he had it in him to listen to the request Itachi was about to make with his former Akatsuki partner. He would never know what Itachi would have wanted Kisame to know. Itachi would have to be completely out of touch with his reality to show this extent of vulnerability, even if it was in front of someone he trusted. 

Sasuke never asked Itachi about it. However, years later, sitting alone in the wrecked Uchiha hideout, he would still think about this moment with a tinge of regret, a moment he allowed to slip past his fingers — to know something about his brother he was too afraid to ask at the age of sixteen, and that had followed him into old age. 

He laid himself down next to Itachi, covering his brother with the sheet, stroking his forehead, pushing the strands of hair away from his sweaty face. The calm on his face followed by the excruciating turmoil was painful to watch. 

And Sasuke cried quietly, not letting his voice reach Itachi this time. He sobbed harder when Itachi's still-cold hand found his, curled his fingers around his own and pulled it to him. 

He woke before the sunrise with the ache in his heart he was getting used to now. His hand was still secured in his brother's grip. Sasuke watched Itachi with a pitiful sentiment blended with sympathy and affection, unlike the fear that had triggered the extreme reaction in him yesterday. Either it was the effect of the lights in the room that illuminated his features or there was the proper flow of blood that coloured Itachi's face a little red – the sign of life in him – when he slept peacefully. 

When Itachi stirred, Sasuke turned his gaze away, onto the window that revealed the explosive colours of the summer morning. Itachi coughed a little which brought his brother's attention back to him. Sasuke saw Itachi tried to sit, but couldn't, despite the best efforts he put into it. He quickly rushed to Itachi and inclined the bed. 

“I stink.”

Sasuke looked at his brother and saw his nose wrinkled. 

“You could bathe.” 

Itachi nodded. A long silence stretched between them. The greyness of the morning was fading, receding the shadows of the trees, forming a clarity of their dark surroundings. The sounds of the birds scattered around them, disrupting the awkwardly fell silence. 

“The other day,” Itachi spoke quietly, “you mentioned Danzo. You killed him.”

Sasuke looked back at his brother. This was the first time Itachi had initiated a conversation with him. 

“Yes.”

“You couldn't have known.” His voice didn't give away the emotion he felt. Itachi's hair, shorter than before, cascaded on his shoulders. His bangs covered his eyes, hiding the feelings Sasuke wanted to know. 

Sasuke took a deep breath. “Your memories —” he began, but was interrupted before he could finish the sentence. 

“Kabuto’s jutsu.”

“You know everything.” It wasn't meant to come across as a sarcastic remark, but the way he spoke made Itachi's gaze land on him briefly. 

“No.”

“Then how did you know?” he asked. 

“Kabuto was Sasori's spy once. After Orochimaru deserted the Akatsuki, Sasori planted Kabuto to spy on him. Kabuto was already working for Orochimaru, so it would not raise any suspicion. However, Orochimaru understood something was wrong with Kabuto and broke the spell. But Kabuto had passed some important intel on his master before, which proved to be useful for us. One of them was Orochimaru's work on telepathy. Naturally, I had to be careful.” Itachi still could not continue with his long speeches. He was out of breath by the time he finished his sentence. 

“That was why Kabuto couldn't get into your mind.”

“Yes, he was a threat,” Itachi said with a little cough. 

“But you put up no resistance when it came to me.” Sasuke knew the answer already, yet he was desperate to hear that from Itachi himself. 

Itachi fell into silence once again, twisting the sheet between his fingers, releasing it, and repeating the process all over again. They were talking and Sasuke couldn't let Itachi go quiet now. 

“Why?” Sasuke said. “Why did you let me inside your mind?” 

“You were not a threat.” Itachi looked at him before his eyes went back to his palms in his lap, clutching the sheet in his fingers. His breathing was better than before even though he slurred occasionally to keep up with the conversation. 

It would be better if Itachi was allowed to rest, but the greedy part of Sasuke didn't want his brother to stay quiet. He wanted to talk to Itachi, hear his voice, so he could make himself believe this was indeed real. 

“You knew it was me?”

Sasuke saw his bang gently sway in a motion that suggested the answer was in the affirmative. “It was comforting.” Itachi thought for a moment. “It made me want to come back.” 

Sasuke swallowed. He was speechless for a good amount of time, and this time, too, Itachi spoke, disrupting the silence between them. 

“What did you see?”

“Your memories…” He held Itachi's gaze. “And how scared you were.”

Itachi breathed deeply at that. 

“You were scared all the time. When you saw war, it terrified you. When you were alone in your room, you were terrified. When you wanted mom to be by your side and you were alone, it hurt you. When you saw Danzo for the first time, you were scared. When you went to the clan meetings you were scared. When Danzo –” He looked at his brother, appraising his reaction to decide whether to continue the conversation or drop it right here. When Itachi did not show any sign of distress other than clutching the sheet into his hand, Sasuke carefully continued. “When Danzo hurt you, you were terrified. Killing—” Sasuke paused to take a deep breath, “killing mom and dad was painful to you. But when you left me, you didn't want to go away. You continued to hope every day you could come back. You were scared something would happen to me and you wouldn't know. You didn't trust the Third Hokage, did you?” 

Itachi shook his head. 

“It's as if there wasn't a moment in your life you weren't scared.” 

Itachi would never admit to being afraid and his silence didn't discourage or hurt Sasuke. 

“Was there something more?” he asked after some time. 

“It was always the images…” Sasuke shuddered at the clarity of the visuals he'd seen. “As if it were true and right in front of me and if I wanted to I could touch you and mom and dad. When you couldn't see things, I, too, couldn't see them, but I felt them as deeply as you did. When you didn't remember mom and dad's faces. When you thought you'd not make it.” A choked sob of his own impeded his words. “You counted all your days…” He looked tearfully at Itachi. “You know, I didn't even remember you were so little when we were kids. You were always so strong I forgot you were twelve as well.” 

Itachi heard him silently as if he were back in one of the Akatsuki's meetings where his opinions were not wanted. Sasuke did not expect Itachi to continue the conversation any further, for he saw exhaustion settling in his eyes. 

“You never told mom and dad about anything,” he said. He remembered that Itachi had been accused of killing Shisui. “They never knew a thing about you.” 

Itachi nodded slightly at his words, the movements in his hair the only sign of his acknowledgement. Sasuke wanted to talk more, offer him the comfort he'd been denied his entire life, but he couldn't bring himself to break the spell of solace this conversation cast on them. So, he stood there, watching Itachi descend back into his cocoon he found all too comforting. The spell was eventually broken when Itachi looked away and Karin came into the room. 

That afternoon, the remaining medical equipment was removed. Soon it was like a regular room meant to simply be inhabited. Sasuke saw in his past, only a few weeks ago, his agony and desperation and hope to kill Itachi, his brother and his worst enemy, which now felt like an era an entire lifetime ago. He was still afraid it could be a dream which would shatter when he opened his eyes. If it was indeed a dream, he would rather never wake up. 

Looking at Itachi, it was hard to tell what was going on in his mind. Itachi still had nightmares, so he couldn't sleep without sedatives, which Karin told him were not necessary anymore. Sasuke, too, couldn't sleep because of his own nightmares that would assault him without any warning. When they sat together, Itachi would often glance in his direction and sigh slowly and Sasuke understood that his brother knew him too well. Sometimes, he could taste the guilt that lived within Itachi. 

Being in the same room as Itachi had always filled him with a sense of insecurity as a child because it was his brother whom the people noticed first, and he became just a shadow meant to exist in Itachi's wake or as his replacement. As a result, in his childhood, he'd developed a childish dislike for Itachi which his brother had caught on instantly. But now, when he saw Itachi in the same space as his friends, unnoticeable in the exuberance that the Taka exuded, Sasuke wished his brother was acknowledged as well. It had been two days since Itachi could join them for their meals, although he was still largely allowed to have a liquid diet. He would take whatever was given to him without any complaints. Sasuke could tell his brother's food didn't taste good and he might want some change. When he asked Karin about it, she immediately responded with a no. If he wasn't willing to take her help and get better soon, he would have to take a simple diet to gain strength. However, since his condition was extreme, she doubted she could cure him instantly with her powers. Itachi would have to follow the proper process before he was able to live a normal life. 

Itachi watched Karin and Suigetsu’s banters with a quiet amusement, the acknowledgement of which was never expressed in the form of any visible expressions on his face. He never offered any opinions, never gave a voice to any of his feelings, as though he was perpetually unwilling to disturb the air around him, and slight change in it would cause turbulence Itachi could not handle. He wanted to camouflage himself into whatever surroundings he lived in. 

Sasuke's gaze lingered a little too long on him, looked on at his brother, searching for a sign of disturbance while he might experience and allow someone to see through himself, but Itachi was like a clean slate, signs of life removed to their absolute perfection from his face. 

When he could walk a little more, Itachi would go outside in the sun, followed by Sasuke who never left him alone for a moment. The two brothers sat in silence. Sasuke couldn't tell what were the thoughts in his brother's head, what he was thinking about, and what worries haunted him now. He answered Sasuke's questions without so much as looking at him and fell silent without any intention to continue the conversation. The silence between them would often break when Suigetsu and Karin came tumbling towards them and Suigetsu would be screaming something about Sasuke. Karin would blush deeply before throwing whatever was in her hand at him. Sasuke thought about Itachi mistaking her for his girlfriend. Without him realizing it, red colour crept up to his cheeks as well. 

“What?” he asked Itachi who was watching him. 

Itachi shook his head at his brother's question and walked back to his room. Sasuke watched him go. It was time for him to rest. After Karin and Suigetsu were done with dissing each other, she came towards Sasuke, and looked at him solemnly. 

“What is it?” he said. 

“Sasuke, we've been thinking about it for a while… We can't live here forever. In fact, we might need to move to some better place.”

“Better place?” 

“This hideout isn't meant to be dwelt into forever, Sasuke. We'd have to leave this place for civilization —”

“If you miss civilization so much, you're free to leave,” he said. “I'm not going anywhere without my brother. He can't walk properly yet. I'm not going to leave him alone.”

“That's not what I meant,” she answered, exhibiting more clarity than her previous statement. “When Lord Orochimaru was here, he'd keep the place full. Now, we're running out of supplies. Kabuto has already left. We can't go on like this for more than a month.”

“I don't care.”

“Sasuke, there's no other way. We'll have to do something about it.”

“You know my brother can't go outside right now. They'll kill him if they spotted him. Speaking of which, I am a rogue ninja too. I killed a Leaf Shinobi. I don't want to invite threats until my brother is in a condition to move.”

He walked away without giving her an opportunity to speak. He went back to Itachi's room and a wave of panic seized him when he found the room empty. 

“Itachi!” he called out, looking here and there. He went back outside, but his brother wasn't around. “Itachi, where are you?” 

“I'm here,” Itachi said, peeking from a window. Sasuke took a large gulp of air and rushed to the window of the room from which Itachi had called him. 

It was an old library that housed millions of books ranging from medical and engineering and history to fiction. The large bookshelves sprawling the spacious hall created a labyrinth that successfully concealed Itachi's little form visible as a dull silhouette in the afternoon sun. The library smelled of the books and chemicals sprinkled here to keep the pages and wood from rotting. 

When Sasuke approached Itachi, his brother was holding a book in his hand. He read it for a moment, then tucked it in its place. 

“It's been a long time since I read something,” he said, picking up another book, running his fingers over the pages, halting at a place as if in meditation. Sasuke didn't know what to say. He'd never read a book in his life, except for the one weird book Naruto and he tried which Naruto had stolen from Kakashi's collection of books. “Have you read any book?” Itachi cast a glance at him before his gaze returned to the one he was reading. 

Sasuke wished deeply he could say he had. “I tried to read one book.”

“Which one?” Itachi was genuinely interested in the conversation. 

“It was a stupid book. When Sakura found out about it she punched Naruto in the face.” Sasuke was getting increasingly embarrassed. If Itachi found out what kind of book it was, he would not like it. 

“Why would she react so violently to you both reading a book?” 

“Naruto stole it from Kakashi. We were curious about what he was always reading.”

“You two read Kakashi's book?” Itachi's face was suddenly red. 

“Well, yeah. It was stupid.” Sasuke did not like where this was going. He might have been too young when he read the book, but he now understood everything. 

“You must have been young.” 

“It was when he took us to the Land of the Waves.” That didn't contradict Itachi's observation. Sasuke didn't want his brother to think he was into those things. 

“It was not meant to be for children.” The redness on his face deepened. 

“I said, it was boring. But it didn't make much sense. Why are you so red, Itachi? Are you feeling okay?” 

Itachi didn't say anything and turned away, keeping the book in its place, and headed to another. 

“Have you read it?” 

“No!” Itachi practically shouted. “I could never read such a book.”

“Then why do you look so… upset?”

“I'm not upset,” Itachi said. “Kisame used to read this book. He showed me its contents once. Kakashi used to read it during our missions as well. He was careful for us to not read it and he was not pleased when Yamato found it.” 

If it was possible to get his face even more crimson, Itachi's did. He kept his eyes firmly dug into the book he was reading, although Sasuke knew he could not read a word from the book in his hands. This was the first expression other than sorrow and indifference Itachi had displayed in front of him. The embarrassment and shame of reading something that must have scandalised him. Sasuke had almost forgotten why he was here in the first place and he did not like to go back to the conversation. This was comforting. 

He heard Karin talking to Juugo and Suigetsu and knew Itachi would have heard their conversation from a few moments ago. One of the windows in the library opened in front of the place they were talking a while ago. 

“You heard what we were talking about.”

Itachi, who was shuffling through the pages of a book, paused and looked up – not at Sasuke but in the direction he was standing. “Yes.” He went back to looking at the book again. 

“She didn't mean anything. She didn't —”

“She's right,” Itachi said. “It is only logical to be worried about the future and —”

“Whatever,” Sasuke said, scowling. “I'm not going to leave you until I know you can walk.” When Itachi did not look at him, he continued, “I'm not a child anymore. I'll be sixteen next week.” 

At this, Itachi's head turned in his direction, and he looked at his little brother with pursed lips. His indifferent eyes finally betrayed the slightest of emotions and Sasuke understood what Itachi was thinking. Once again, he was mourning the lost years he hadn't been with Sasuke. It was the same expression he remembered from Itachi's memories when he saw him for the first time in the village. Before Sasuke had the time to say anything he heard Itachi sigh. 

“You're right,” he answered quietly. “You can do what you like.”

“I'm not going back to Konoha,” Sasuke said. Something in him was desperate for Itachi's mask of indifference to fall. “Even if you wanted to me to —”

“I understand,” Itachi said. “It is your right.”

Sasuke walked next to Itachi who kept picking up the books, placing them on the shelves after glancing at the words. He was getting tired which showed in the way his steps staggered and he limped. Sasuke helped him bring him back to his room. When Itachi settled on the bed, they heard Juugo knocking on the door. 

“What is it?” Sasuke asked. 

Juugo looked at Itachi and answered quietly, “Itachi, your Akatsuki partner, Kisame, is dead.” 

Once again, it became impossible to decipher his brother's expressions when he lowered his eyes and gulped. 

“Madara Uchiha is planning a war. Naruto was not captured, but that hasn't deterred him from his plan. Do we have to worry?” 

Sasuke wasn't looking at Juugo. War and Konoha were not his concern anymore. He only realized that with Kisame's death, there was nothing other than himself that connected Itachi with his positive past. No bond and no friends. Perhaps this was what Itachi thought too, in a different way, maybe more sophisticated way than he did, and let out a sigh that expressed his sorrow no words could. 

Later at night, Sasuke was woken up by the sounds of coughing and retching. He sat up, rubbing his eyes, waiting for a moment until his senses became clear and his eyes adjusted to the dim lights of his room. The noise was coming from the bathroom in the next room that belonged to his brother. Sasuke quickly stood up and headed to the source of his brother's voice. 

Itachi was seated on the floor, covered in sweat, curled into himself as closely as he could: his knees were folded towards his chest and his arms hugged them. He was leaning against the wall. His sweaty hair clung on his face and shoulders. 

He did not seem to have noticed Sasuke's presence next to him. He continued to cough violently, making sounds that felt inhuman and painful. 

Sasuke sat next to Itachi and rubbed his back. “It's okay,” he whispered. “It's alright.” 

Itachi finally sensed Sasuke was next to him because he leaned into his gentle touch, exhausted from the activities that took their toll on his body. “Otouto,” Itachi said. Sasuke noticed it was for the first time his brother had addressed him like this ever since he woke up that day. 

“Yes, nii-san?” Sasuke was surprised by own selection of words. 

Itachi froze in his place. He looked at Sasuke. For the first time, he looked at his brother instead of looking past him. 

“Sasuke, don't touch me, please,” he said. “There's blood… and I'm dirty.” 

Sasuke stared at Itachi. “There's no blood, nii-san. And you're not dirty either.” 

Itachi, too, looked around him. The sense of recognition came to him when he looked hard enough. When his eyes met Sasuke's, something in the boy broke without making any noise. He saw the transparent prison in which his brother was locked forever – the grief that soaked him dripped in the form of sweat from his skin; and the agony he felt that couldn't be wept and forgotten, but would stay within him, like a sickness of the soul. 

Itachi searched his eyes for comfort and Sasuke stroked his face with infinite tenderness that was like the affection of a mother for her child. His brother leaned into his touch, seeking comfort he didn't know was even possible to feel for him. Sasuke pulled his brother to him, hugging him from the side so Itachi's head was resting on his shoulder. They remained seated like that for a long time, neither of them wanting to get away. Sasuke couldn't let Itachi deal with his monsters all over again. 

“Come, let me take you to your room.” Sasuke lifted Itachi up and his brother offered no resistance. He pulled Itachi's hand around his neck and supported him with his free hand. 

Itachi still kept muttering the words about him being dirty and being able to go to his room on his own, but he made no effort to separate himself from Sasuke's embrace. 

“My clothes are dirty,” Itachi mumbled. After lying Itachi down on the bed, Sasuke moved to pick a new shirt for Itachi and handed it to him. 

“I'll wait outside. You can change.” And when he came back Itachi was wearing a white shirt and blue trousers. “You can sleep now, brother.” Sasuke moved to cover Itachi with the duvet.

Itachi raised his hand as if he wanted to poke Sasuke's forehead. His brother looked weak and was the perfect image of someone who was on his deathbed. The gesture caught Sasuke off guard, his mind replaying the images of Itachi walking towards him before whispering the words whose shape he could still see in his nightmares. 

He recoiled and moved away, avoiding the flick on his forehead. He was not able to see Itachi in the eyes. When he looked back at him, Itachi's hand was curled in the sheet, his eyes digging into it. Sasuke immediately regretted what he'd done. His words would not bring this moment back. His apology couldn't wipe Itachi's conscience clean from the pain he'd caused his little brother. 

Itachi understood Sasuke and he chose his next words carefully. “I apologise.” 

Sasuke shook his head. He didn't mean it. He didn't want Itachi to feel guilty anymore. 

His birthday had always been a special occasion for Karin. Ever since they had met she would make it a point to turn it into a mini-celebration for anyone who cared. Even when he was training under Orochimaru, it was impossible to stop her from making a big deal about a day he didn't find as special as she did. This day was no different. If anything, Juugo had also joined in her madness. The gloomy atmosphere of their dwelling changed, bequeathing its bleakness as the happiness cast a glow upon them. Sasuke wasn't willing to leave Itachi behind who slept in his room. By now, following the onslaught of his nightmares, Sasuke had taken to sleeping in his own room that faced his brother's. He didn't want Itachi to feel worse than he already did. 

As the clock struck 12, Juugo requested him to come outside. It was meant to be a surprise, which Sasuke had deduced early in the morning when he saw Karin being teased by Suigetsu and Juugo shushing him when Sasuke passed by. He was taken to a different room and as soon as he entered, Karin's loud voice echoed with a “Happy birthday, Sasuke,” and Suigetsu, deserting his grumpiness, joined in her enthusiasm. 

“We've been planning this for days!” Karin told him, handing him the knife to cut the cake. 

“Right, she deserves a pat on her back and a –” Suigetsu began but was cut off by Karin with a glare. 

“I don't want to resort to violence today, you know?” she said with a scowl. 

Sasuke looked at his friends and the closed door, waiting for his brother. He knew Itachi would not come here, but this was the first year in many years since he had his brother by his side. He'd wanted nothing more than for Itachi to be by his side. Itachi must have spent his birthday more than a month ago, marking the dates on the calendar, waiting for Sasuke to punish him. It would never happen again. Neither he nor his brother would ever have to be alone again. 

“Thanks,” he said as he cut the cake, smiling in amusement at the way Karin comically raised her voice the loudest to sing the birthday song for him. He couldn't wait any longer and headed over to Itachi's room with a quick apology to his friends. He needed to see Itachi. 

When he entered his brother's room, Itachi was sleeping on his side, turned away from him. His body shook and when he felt Sasuke enter the room, he quieted completely. Sasuke saw him lying with his eyes closed and a photograph of their childhood beneath the pillow, his fingers wrapped around it. 

It was an old photograph which they'd taken during a holiday. Once Itachi left he'd locked all of his belongings in his room, never to go back to it again. Now, their home was destroyed, and with it, everything that ever was of him and his brother at home. 

Sasuke sighed and sat next to Itachi. He took the photo from Itachi's hand and looked at it carefully, fighting the tears that nearly left his eyes. “I'm here, nii-san,” he said. “You didn't have to –” He closed his eyes. “It's the first time in years I have you next to me on my birthday.” It had never been a special day for him before. Not even when his parents were alive. His brother, however, would still wish him every year with a card because Sasuke slept early at night and Itachi would be gone the next morning by the time he was awake. 

Itachi did open his eyes. He reached out his hand and placed it over his brother's, not without some hesitation before his fingers squeezed Sasuke's gently. Itachi did not say anything more. 

Sasuke lay awake in his room. He looked at the window that resembled the canvas spilled with the black ink. Tiny stars dotted the sky, falling away from one another, a cluster of diamonds fixed in the rigid skies. 

He felt giddy. Yet so much happiness was frightening. They only let you be this happy if they're preparing to take something away from you. He had nothing to lose other than his brother. And if someone took Itachi away from him, he would not survive a day. He could not imagine a life without Itachi. If there was an end for his brother, it would be his end too. The thought caused his heart to squeeze painfully and everything began to spiral out of his control. 

He blinked in the darkness to ward off the images that began to float in front of him. He clutched the sides of his bed tightly to keep himself awake when a paralysis took hold of him. He couldn't remove his hand away from the edges of the bed. He squinted his eyes to keep the surroundings intact, but the images of reality faded into the background and those of his nightmares materialized into something more solid. He was suddenly cut off from reality, without the current memory holding him back to the world. The softness of the bed and pillows vanished and with him only remained the stench of blood and the cries that stabbed into his senses over and over. He couldn't find anything to hold onto anymore. 

Taking heavy gulps of air he tried to clear his mind from the fog that gathered around him. The cries became louder and more painful. His parents yelled at him to stay away from something but it was too dark for him to notice from whom his parents wanted him to protect. From the corner of his eyes he saw Itachi walking quietly, the one heralding death and destruction as he slit the throat of a man with a single blow. The other woman didn't get to scream before the sword was punched into her stomach. The child begged his brother to stop, but Itachi looked at him with an indifference that slashed Sasuke's heart. This wasn't his brother. This monster wasn't his brother. The inferno between him and the brother he loved grew wide, pulling him so apart from Itachi that his limbs were torn apart and he was left bleeding. 

Itachi turned to him with a look of sadness that didn't move the boy. Instead of saying the cruel things Itachi always did in those moments, he moved towards Sasuke, offering his hand to comfort him. 

“Don't —” Sasuke whispered. He was too aware of his loud heartbeats. “Don't kill me, please.”

This didn't stop Itachi from moving, although he hesitated before taking another step further. He wore a red shirt that was drenched in the blood of the people he'd killed. 

“I said don't move!” Sasuke shouted, putting on a braver face than he felt. He waved his hand in front of him as if it could make Itachi go away. “Go away!” 

“Sasuke,” Itachi said, “are you —” He moved closer to Sasuke and he was close enough to strangle the boy, only if he wished. 

Anger and fear filled Sasuke. Itachi's figure was blending in the mist that surrounded the room. “Get away from me, you bastard!” He snapped out of his trance, finally able to move, but he couldn't go away anywhere. He lurked in a corner, his body was wet with so much sweat his feet were slippery. “Don't hurt me, please.” 

When the vision of Itachi from his dreams returned, Sasuke was screaming. He wanted Itachi to go away, and wanted him to stop hurting him. And suddenly, the fog around him shrouded everything in his view, keeping the feeling of two arms taking him in an embrace. 

“You heard him,” the voice close to him said. “Please go away.” 

Sasuke wrapped his arm around whoever was holding him, and sobbed. He would be left alone again. Itachi, his brother, would leave him all over again. His whole body was wracked by the sobs that refused to subside. 

“It's okay, it was just a nightmare,” Karin said. He liked the way her voice sounded. She was caressing his back.

Afraid of the future — whatever it had in store for him — he hugged her back, hoping it would give him the respite he needed to feel, the sense of warmth that was impossible to be felt in that moment. His eyes began to droop low, basking in the warmth her presence provided. 

Then, it came to him, sharp as an assault of the sword. He separated himself from Karin's embrace and spoke in a low voice, not wanting it to reach the room in which Itachi was asleep. “Was – did I – did you –” He shook his head. What was he supposed to say so she would understand? “Itachi,” he said at last. His heart clenched violently when she nodded her head. 

What had he done? 

He immediately sauntered to Itachi's room, looking at it in horror when the dark room without the presence of his brother welcomed him. He rushed to check the library where he'd found Itachi the other morning. He wasn't here. Sasuke cried out his brother's name that was answered with a deadly silence that felt too cold to be true. He came back to Itachi's room and removed the pillow, breathing a sigh of relief when his eyes fell upon his and his brother's photograph. 

Not finding him inside, Sasuke began to run, searching for Itachi. He could feel Itachi's aura around him and the longer he ran the more it strengthened in the direction he was now headed to. He didn't know how long he had spent looking for Itachi, calling his name. Only a few birds croaked when he shouted too loudly in the dark. The air was chilly in this part of the region, scented with the fragrance of the flowers he didn't know anything about. 

If he wasn't too exhausted by what had happened a few minutes ago he would have taken time to be afraid of Itachi having hauled a journey so long on his own, even though he couldn't walk properly within the diameter of their little space. When, at last, he heard the sounds of the waves did the thought register to him. He felt Itachi's presence strongest here, and when he took several more steps, Sasuke saw a figure silhouetted against the rocks darkened in the night, reflecting like black tourmaline as the dim moonlight caught on them. Itachi was wearing the red shirt. 

Out of breath, he collapsed next to Itachi. “You – I –” He sighed. He waited for his heartbeats to return to normal. 

Itachi did not notice his presence. He was leaning against a flat rock that supported all his weight. Sasuke placed his palm on Itachi's, but he did not yank his hand away. There was no movement in his brother. 

Sasuke remembered being horrified when his nightmare began. Going by Itachi's withdrawal Sasuke understood he must have said something horribly unpleasant to Itachi although he could not recall what it was. If he could leave those memories of his past behind, skin them out of his being, he would have done it a long time ago. He tried to say many things to his brother that never left his lips. 

Unable to utter anything, he leaned his head on Itachi's shoulder. “Just – don't,” he tried to say. His words did not reach Itachi. 

Right now, Itachi looked no different from a few nights ago when he was caught up in a nightmare and nothing that Sasuke did could bring him back. He wasn't responding to Sasuke's presence anymore. 

“Itachi, look at me, please,” Sasuke said. 

For an endless instant there was no change in Itachi's countenance. He sat unmoving, a figure removed from his reality, living in a world that Sasuke could never reach no matter how much he tried to claw his way to it. He wrapped his arms around his brother, taking him in a side embrace, hating how cold he felt, so distant and painfully aloof and so unreachable that a corpse could offer more warmth than Itachi did. When Itachi still did not move, a painful tightness came to his throat and he let out a shuddering breath. He didn't know what was going on in Itachi's head right now. 

Sasuke pulled his brother's chin towards him so he could look into Itachi's eyes. His brother's lifeless eyes bore into his own that cast an icy cold water over his skin. The words would be irrelevant and useless to be able to express what he felt. Whatever he would say would not reach his brother. 

“I want to be alone,” Itachi said at last, not looking at him. 

“I'm not leaving you alone.” 

“Please, Sasuke,” Itachi said. 

“I'll wait here. You think whatever —”

“No. Go back.” 

“Itachi,” Sasuke said, defeated. “Listen.. I,” he added with a sigh. 

“I want to be alone,” Itachi said, accumulating more courage into his words so he sounded more firm. 

Sasuke had no other way than to oblige. If Itachi needed time to think, he would not mind. “But don't do something stupid.” 

Sasuke moved to stand up to leave his brother. This place was safe from the enemies and intruders, so he wasn't worried about them being ambushed by enemies. 

“I'll be waiting for you at home,” Sasuke said at last before he stood up, not letting go of Itachi's hand. Itachi gently removed his hand from Sasuke's grasp, avoiding the wounded look on his little brother's face. 

Sasuke's walk back to the hideout was comparatively short. He came back to his room, pacing impatiently to and fro, hating how he felt Itachi's absence far too deeply, horrified about a doom that might never even come. A long time passed since he came back. The sky visible from the window was painted bright scarlet, dulling the silver of the moonlight that dappled the shadowy parts of his room. Exhausted, he plopped on the bed. 

He let out a sigh when he heard the door of Itachi's room open with a small squeak. Itachi did not come to see Sasuke and Sasuke did not expect him to. The boy closed his eyes, instantly descending into a dream in which Itachi smiled at him from a distance and extended his hand for Sasuke to hold him. Sasuke ran towards his brother in a hurry before he could disappear. His brother's warm palm clasped around his wrist to hold him. 

He didn't know for how long he'd been asleep moving from pleasant dream to another when a loud knock on his door woke him up. Karin and Juugo stood at the doorstep with horrified expressions. 

“What's wrong?” he asked, immediately getting out of bed. “What happened?”

“Itachi,” Karin said slowly. “He's not in his room. I can't feel his chakra anywhere around us anymore.”

“Neither do my birds and animals tell me anything about him,” Juugo said. “We've been looking for him for two hours.” 

With a pounding heart and panic settling in, Sasuke hurried over to Itachi's room, finding it empty. Screaming wasn't his first instinct. He slowly walked to the bed, picked up the pillow under which he'd found his and Itachi’s photograph a few hours ago. He knew if it was still in this room, Itachi would be around. Itachi couldn't leave him, not again after he'd told his brother he would rather die than live alone. Itachi would never do that to him again. 

But a deep, vice-like hurt gripped his chest, filling him with nausea, when he found the place with the photo vacant. He pulled the bedsheet away, hoping to find the photo lost in the tangles of the fabric, which proved equally futile to him. He looked around in the room, ignoring what Karin and Juugo were saying, ignoring that Suigetsu had joined them as well, and they all looked at him with pity, yet incapable to grasp the extent of his hurt that clinched his heart tight enough to squeeze the organ and snuff the life out of him. 

In the foggy haze, he remembered the things he'd said to his brother: Get away from me, you bastard. 

And Itachi did go away. 

Chapter Text

When you feel my heat, look into my eyes

It's where my demons hide

It's where my demons hide

Don't get too close, it's dark inside

It's where my demons hide

It's where my demons hide 

~ Demons, Imagine Dragons

Sasuke had to clutch his chest to stop it from beating too fast, to stop feeling the death-like agony when the vision before him blurred to the absolute hollowness, darkness crashing on him like colossal waves willing to consume him. He wanted to scream, but the sound that came out of his mouth was muffled with the heavy breaths he let out without any cognizance of the act. Tears and sweat dampened his face and he was suddenly locked in his past, the child begging for his brother to not go away, incapable at the hands of his brother who was as kind to him as he was cruel. Only this time Itachi did not utter the bitter words and did not look back at him. He could still imagine Itachi crying the way he'd done when he left Sasuke all those years ago. 

With a loud noise pulsating inside his mind, leaving him at the mercy of outsiders, Sasuke became aware of someone holding him from his shoulders and making him sit on the bed — the same bed that had been Itachi's until a couple of hours ago, and now he had left it to never return. He forced his gaze to focus on the bedside table that still had all of Itachi's medicines and an empty glass of water perched on it. Someone removed his other hand from his arm that stung from his nails digging into his flesh, drawing blood. 

He couldn't imagine where Itachi had gone and how. He couldn't walk properly yet; he couldn't stand for too long, and now, he was so far away from his reach that he could not even spot him. His mind formed all the horrifying scenarios, although he knew them to be false, because his brother wasn't so weak. Yet he had left him with the intent to never see Sasuke again.

He heard the voices he couldn't distinguish right now. All he knew was that there was no Itachi calling him among them. He was travelling somewhere far, far away from him on an endless journey from which he did not want to return. Sasuke remembered Itachi's condition a few nights ago, the horrid assaults of his nightmares, and the knowledge that without him Itachi had no one to take care of him; without him, no one would hold him when his nightmares would return. He would have to live like he had been all his life. 

And if something happened to Itachi — he would still believe that Sasuke was afraid of him, that Sasuke hated him. 

The realization drew a choked sob from his lips and he grasped his shirt above his chest again to alleviate the pain that jabbed him like a million knives stabbing through his delicate skin, hurt seeping into his bones. He watched the shuddering shadows of his past, reinventing, shaping themselves into the tombs painted with black soot, broken cherry-red lips, and scattered bones in the alleyways, staring at him with an indifference that was horrifying. 

He remembered the last time his mother had left their clothes to dry at home. They were still lying on the bed when he'd returned from the hospital 2 days after the tragedy. Watching the dried blood of his parents in pain and horror, attempting to erase the image of the chalk outline of their bodies with his tears, he rushed to his parents’ room where he found the unfolded clothes. It had his parents’ clothes, his own, and one of Itachi's shirts. He'd thrown away Itachi's shirt, tearing it into pieces with his kunai — so it was only a piece of tattered unrecognizable cloth; and hugged his parents’, weeping in the little world where no one he loved existed anymore. 

The same night, he'd found a family photograph in which Itachi stood far away from their family, looking angry. He'd not been able to read the pain in that silence. In a fit of rage, he'd torn the photograph with Itachi, leaving only his parents’ and his faces unharmed. 

He wanted to go back in time and pick up his brother's shirt and hug it as tightly as he could. He wanted to hold the photograph and let Itachi know he wasn't alone. But he would never be able to do that again. Their home had been destroyed. It had nothing of their parents anymore and nothing of Itachi. 

He let out a cry, wrenching his heart in an expression of a devastating torment, the raucous sounds of a heart wounded with daggers not allowed to bleed. 

“We'll find him,” Juugo said. “He must be somewhere around us and—” Watching Sasuke's fragile state he stopped. 

However, Sasuke stood up at his words, either listening to them or on his own, to get away from the walls that suffocated him. Staggering out of the room he stopped at the threshold to support himself from the inevitable fall everyone was too late to break. He couldn't put up a fight against the hands that pulled him up, murmuring the comforting words that failed to offer him any solace. 

He woke up. It was Itachi's bed again. But no matter how long he waited his brother did not come back. He looked back in his memories to search for the source of the searing pain that burned him, then found the moment that tugged at his senses like a fishbone, sharp, pointed needles darkening his blood. He felt too weak to move. In front of him Itachi smiled, whispering the words filled with interminable silences, disappearing when he reached out to touch his brother's hand. He was wearing the same red shirt. His smiling face came into his view again, warm and soft as the climbing sun on a winter afternoon. He continued to disappear and reappear before him, a ghost of monochromatic colours, lifeless and cold. 

“H - how long have I been asleep?” he asked, and deep down expected Itachi to answer. 

“For a few hours,” a feminine voice answered. 

He looked up and found his friends sitting next to him on the chairs, their downcast eyes fixed on him with pity and fear. He stared around the room to search for Itachi, yearning to feel the touch of his fingers over his forehead, promising himself to not be afraid of him, not run away from him, and not let his brother's smile fall. He would never let his brother feel his life was a retribution for anything he went through. How could he have been so foolish? 

He sat up, wiping his face, vision before him so red he was sure his eyes were bleeding. Or it must have been his heart. 

He did not look at anyone, deep down afraid of anything they might say that would break his spirit. 

He stood up, absentmindedly placing his sword in the sheath, preparing for a journey he didn't think he'd return if he had to come back without Itachi. He didn't look back, but he knew he wasn't alone when he walked out of the hideout — Karin, Suigetsu, and Juugo walked beside him without questioning him.

It had been hours since they left their hideout. The glare of the sunlight was subdued by the gathering clouds, the bronze painted against the onion-white skies. Each step he took filled him with both dread and hope, for he didn't know if he was taking a step away from his brother or closer to him. 

Karin didn't say anything about sensing his aura yet, and neither had Juugo mentioned what his birds had been able to find. If Itachi came back to their hideout, Juugo would instantly know through his birds and animals. Sasuke knew he was a fool to still believe his brother was coming back. If only he hadn't fallen asleep and not let his nightmare make him say things that would separate him from his brother like this. 

If he didn't find Itachi again nothing would stop him from setting the world on fire and tearing it to shreds. He couldn't walk the earth in which his brother's blood flowed, his pain imprisoning him in the matted veins to hold him eternally in its servitude to torment him. If anything happened to Itachi the world would pay. 

They continued to walk for hours and hours in the undisturbed silence occasionally disrupted by the sounds of the birds and their footsteps falling on the dry leaves. The night fell deep. Shadows, trembling in the precarious glow of the stars, strengthened their hold on the rapidly darkening world. The wind was cool, smelling of mulch and moist forest, charged with an air that preluded heavy rains although the clouds were only the small grey strokes in the sky. 

The present moments melted from his grasp like snow underneath the morning sun. He watched his childhood self, his forehead pressed against the glass, eyeing the deserted Uchiha compound in the flickering lights he himself had switched on in the nearby houses so he didn't feel so alone. 

He would train in their training ground, the area similar to this forest barring the dense trees. Upon achieving his goals, he would imagine his father's expressions — proud and delighted — and his mother's calm, comforting ones. He would make his best efforts to ignore that he always imagined Itachi to be looking the happiest and proudest. Now, he felt no shame in admitting that he wanted his brother to be proud of him the most. 

Memories rose in him like bruises. They tasted of blood and miseries. He couldn't conceive of any other feeling than longing for his family, his brother, that had changed its form within him, blooming to life from the vestiges of the moments he remembered dozing off to alone in his house. 

He was far too lost in his thoughts that he didn't immediately answer when Karin called him. 

“There's someone here,” she said, holding him by his wrist. “Not very close, but someone's approaching us.” 

“Could this be Itachi?” he asked. He was far too afraid to hope. 

“No, it's not him. Whoever this is, his aura is sinister… almost cruel.” She looked around, shivering as if a chill only she could feel was in the air. 

“I'll find that out,”Juugo said. 

A stranger with a sinister aura was approaching them in a land where their presence should not have been known to anyone but those close to Orochimaru or Kabuto. Had Kabuto known about Itachi's escape? Had he set someone up to target them? Had he betrayed them? Kabuto had been loyal to Orochimaru and hated him. Sasuke wouldn't be surprised if he joined hands with someone to kill him and his brother. 

Whoever it was probably wanted him to delay his search for Itachi or wanted him dead. Every moment away from not knowing about Itachi's whereabouts was the ticking bomb that could go off at any moment. Now, they had a stranger who had come for the same purpose. They had to move. Finding his brother was far more important than fighting the invisible threat at the moment. 

They hadn't walked long when Karin warned him. Juugo, too, had little time to speak before the air around them stilled further. A presence, heavy and ominous like death, penetrated their surroundings, revealing a man clad in the dark robes shaped with red clouds, an orange mask with swirling lines that converged into one point where one of his dark eyes shone. 

It was the same imbecile he had known from before. He should have been dead weeks ago during his battle with Deidara, but had somehow survived. It didn't surprise the boy because he was well aware of the man's identity and his motives, although what did he have to achieve with Sasuke now that he was so close to achieving his own goals? 

“We've met before,” the man said. He lifted his mask from one side, unveiling an eye that glowed crimson even in the night. An Uchiha, indeed. “Let me introduce myself to you properly first,” he added. “Madara Uchiha.” 

As soon as their eyes met and the words left the man's mouth, Madara Uchiha was engulfed in the black flames. Sasuke's left eye burned, secreting the warm liquid he knew to be blood. The man before him screamed in agony, but soon the flames extinguished, not even leaving the ashes of the dead man. 

Then, all of a sudden, he appeared before him, as if the past few moments were a dream sequence Sasuke had been a witness to. It still baffled him why couldn't Juugo's birds spot this man until he was in front of them. He didn't have the chance or time to think further, for the man took steps towards him, closing the distance between them even more. The man's presence had sucked all the good from their world around them, replacing it with the darkness that was murkier than the one that Sasuke felt. 

He didn't care if he'd met this man before. He didn't have the time for a brawl with a stranger he didn't know and care about. 

“This is what you'd expect from Itachi,” the man said, amused. “He didn't know everything about me or I would undoubtedly be dead right now.” 

“What do you mean?” It was Itachi's mention that made him look at the man. 

“Itachi wanted to protect you from the truth. But I believe you know that already.” 

Sasuke stared at the man. He couldn't see Madara's face or his eyes, but if he was indeed Madara, then dodging Itachi's attack was probably not a big deal for him. The first thing Sasuke noticed was the way the man had returned to life after being incinerated by the Amaterasu flames. This, he realized, was similar to Danzo using Izanagi to keep himself alive and to keep fighting Sasuke. It wouldn't surprise him if Madara also used the same tactics to fight against him. 

“Wouldn't you want to know why I'm here?” the man said when Sasuke did not acknowledge him and continued to walk. 

The boy paused on his way and answered with a sigh. “I know Kabuto sold us to you, but I don't have time for you right now.” The sooner this ended the better. 

“Kabuto?” The man that went by Madara's name seemed surprised. “No. He's lying half-dead somewhere in the woods because he refused to reveal your whereabouts. A wretch like him is far too loyal to you and your brother to reveal anything about you.” 

Sasuke scowled at the revelation. What was going on? 

“The good news is, I did not have to rely on Kabuto to get information on you and Itachi. Zetsu did the work for the Akatsuki. Once you and I settle this, Sasuke, getting Itachi on our side is no big deal.” 

“You know where Itachi is,” Sasuke said. The only thing that could make him listen to this man was if he could tell Sasuke where his brother was. 

“Zetsu hasn't been able to track him yet. But it wouldn't take long. He's out there, searching for me.”

“Searching for you?” 

“Your brother is far cleverer than you think. He suspected about my plans long before he made up his mind to die at your hands. He knew I would look for you sooner or later, to have you on my side, something that your brother disapproved of. So, naturally, he went out looking for me before I found you. But as I said before. If he knew everything about me, I would be dead.”

Sasuke heard the man in silence, then said, “You're bluffing. How could he have known about you spying on us if Karin and Juugo couldn't sense it before.”

“You still don't understand it, Sasuke.” The man let out a quiet chuckle that only infuriated Sasuke. “Your brother can smell danger towards you like a dog. Although, that doesn't mean he's always the wisest in decision-making. If he were, he wouldn't have left you like this.”

Sasuke didn't bother to tell him that Itachi hadn't left him on impulse, but because he'd been asked to leave by a frightened Sasuke, which prompted him to believe leaving would be a better option than sticking around with the brother who was terrified of him at every moment he was around Sasuke. 

“I don't have time for your nonsense,” Sasuke said. Every moment he spent talking to Madara was a waste of time. 

“I have come to you with a proposal that might be good for us both, Sasuke,” Madara Uchiha said. 

“Whatever makes you think I'll agree with it?” 

“Because you love your brother. Because you want justice for your clan and for Itachi. What did your parents do to deserve such a fate? What did your brother do to deserve a lifelong exile when those who led him to this path led a fulfilling life? Nobody knows your brother is still alive. They think his little brother killed a traitor to the village and will be decorated whenever he returns to the village. Two of the village elders are still in the office and flourishing. Sasuke, do you think you can continue to live with the knowledge that Itachi faced such injustice?”

Sasuke swallowed hard. He stared at the man who hardly gave away his feelings, if he had any, and remained a dark, unmoving form painted against the darkening façade of the forest. He'd thought about their future, and in all of them, he had his brother with him. If he went against the village and did something reckless on impulse it would destroy all their chances of living a normal life. He always prioritized Itachi and his life. He had struggled with his feelings on whether he wanted to punish the village for destroying Itachi's life or not, and concluded any thoughtless decision from his side would put them at a disadvantage and unprecedented dangers. 

He wanted Itachi to be by his side for the rest of their lives without fearing for their future. Whatever Madara was suggesting was not for his or Itachi's sake, but for his own. He would not fall for it. 

“I have a plan,” Madara said again, unfazed by the silence Sasuke offered him. “Tsuki No Me.” He paused for a moment, as if waiting for Sasuke to question him or opine on the matter, but continued when Sasuke stayed silent. “Eternal Tsukuyomi, Sasuke. Do you not want to get your family back? Do you not want your brother to be happy? Even if he died in this world, in yours he will always be by your side. You, your parents, your little friends – all of you can be happy together. Don't you think it's worth our companionship? Itachi has already done enough for us. I need your help for once.”

“What do you want me to do?” Sasuke found himself asking. The idea of meeting his parents, watching Itachi live happily without pain was far too tempting for him. The eagerness in his voice amused Madara who made a sound that was akin to a chuckle. 

“I want you to go to Konoha, capture the Nine Tails Jinchuriki. Naruto Uzumaki.”

He had never heard of a jinchuriki before. The man before him explained without him asking who the jinchuriki were and what their purpose was. He also explained that the Akatsuki leader had lost to Naruto who had acquired immense power in a short time, which would be a challenge for Sasuke should they come face to face. However, given they were childhood friends, and Sasuke being aware of his weaknesses, and the Uchiha’s’ history of controlling the Tailed Beast would only help Sasuke against his friend. 

Too much nonsense, Sasuke told himself. Itachi lived in this world. He wanted his brother in flesh and blood, not in illusions and lies and a made up reality controlled by anyone else. His brother had sacrificed himself for this world. Whatever Madara was saying, if he succeeded, would destroy everything Itachi had done for this world. 

Madara was a fool to believe Sasuke would ever stand by his side. 

“No.” Sasuke's voice was flat but certain. He began to walk again, his friends beside him. None of them stopped to listen to Madara.

“Are you sure about that?” Madara stood in front of them. For the first time since their earlier interactions Sasuke sensed a hint of impatience in his mannerisms. His voice was fast and movements quick. The man had not anticipated Sasuke to decline his offer. 

A thunder roared nearby and the ground below them shook with a violence that heralded ultimate destruction. The clouds had gathered around them and blotted the remaining stars, turning the woods into a puddle of murk and swallowing them into an inescapable gloom. The blankness ensued after the thunder was broken by the lightning bleeding through the cracks in the clouds. He felt the rain beginning to fall down onto his shirt, forming the circular patterns before expanding into the larger stains. The stifling air cooled down, stirring the trees around them. 

Sasuke thought about the possibility of escaping that was already low. Madara must have relied on Sasuke to join him in his endeavours so he could sacrifice him to achieve his goals. Sasuke was no fool. Itachi would never approve of him joining hands with Madara. He would never be able to look his brother in the eyes if he agreed to the man. 

“Yes.” He breathed deeply. “I don't believe you'd let us go without a fight.”

“I would hardly call it a fight.” He turned his masked head to look at the other present members of the Taka. “Do any of you think you can kill me?”

“It's not a matter of what I can or cannot do. I will kill you.”

The man chuckled louder at that. “Aren't you a lot like your brother!” 

Sasuke was vaguely aware of Madara's powers. Izanagi being one, he could use it like Danzo did. He also remembered the way he had survived Deidara's final explosion and had dodged Sasuke's attacks. This man was evidently no ordinary Shinobi. 

He brandished his sword in the man's direction whose face was tilted towards him. 

“You've done that before,” Madara said. “But if this is what you want. I would show your dead body to your brother and let him know you fought bravely against an enemy you had no chance of winning.” 

Sasuke had to test where he stood against Madara. The first few back and forth attacks, not involving Team Taka, yielded nothing. Sasuke could not allow himself to fail. He had to be done here and go back to his original plan of looking for Itachi. If Madara and his minions were after Itachi, his brother's life was in danger too. 

Sasuke would have to be careful against his opponent. When Madara intensified his attacks, clearly tired of the hide and seek against the boy he considered too weak, Sasuke responded with the same intensity, surprising him. His susanoo took its graceful form which seemed to impress Madara, although he made no comments. 

What Sasuke initially considered to be sweat sticking to his skin and drenching his bones was the rain that struck the ground, accompanied with the thunder and forks of lightning illuminating the forest with the unnatural hues of orange and green. The colours changed further with the onslaught of the flames originating from his Katon. Madara dodged them easily.

After several attempts of the direct attacks resulting in failures, Sasuke finally understood what was going on. The man wasn't dodging the attacks. They went past him as if his body was made of fluids and his sword was running through a viscous liquid, much like Suigetsu's. 

He looked around at Juugo who understood exactly what to do in an instant. They weren't surrounded by civilization right now. Juugo's deathly rampages would not hurt anyone; Suigetsu and Karin knew better than to come in his way. Juugo's uncontrolled assaults took the man by surprise who must have heard of him without ever experiencing his powers firsthand. Juugo attempted to capture the man who inevitably slipped past his grasp as Sasuke had expected he would do. However, at one moment that Sasuke waited, when Madara grasped Juugo by his throat, muttering what a nuisance he was, Sasuke thrust his sword into Madara's arm, who hissed and dropped Juugo, returning to his incorporeal form. 

“So, this is your secret.” Sasuke smirked. The man did not seem so much of an invincible force as he had done a while ago. It was heart-warming to know that the man who was revered and feared across all nations enough to declare the war alone could have the weak points. He still had to be more careful. It was only the tip of the iceberg he knew about him. Madara had also killed the entire police force that night. Sasuke growled. This man was Itachi's accomplice, yet no one in the world despised him. 

“You figured,” Madara said, impressed, unaware of the storm and hatred brewing inside the boy's heart for him. 

“I'd had my doubts.” 

The colloquial phase of their interaction was short-lived, for it was Karin this time who appeared behind Madara, who was still busy parrying Juugo's blows, and struck him on his neck, missing it. The man did not wait to counter Juugo, but turned around to face Karin, about to do something, and soon enough, Karin from his view disappeared. The man groaned in frustration when he saw her approach him from the other side. 

“Substitution.” The impatience in his voice was amusing. “Yet, all of you are still children. I believe it is time for me to get serious. I offered you a deal that was beneficial for all of us, but if you've chosen death, you will be granted it to your heart's content.” 

With that Madara lifted Karin by one hand, squeezing her throat. Sasuke realized immediately her plan wasn't to recklessly target him earlier, but to unnerve him so much that he wouldn't shy away from spending more time on killing her. She was, after all, an Uzumaki, who couldn't be taken down so easily. She had posed herself as a decoy for Madara so that Sasuke could kill him. Juugo provided sufficient distraction for him to not properly focus on only one of his targets.

Rage flowed in the boy with an otherworldly intensity, his susanoo reaching out to enclose around Madara, and electricity rivalling the intensity of the rage in his body emanated from every pore of his skin. In a moment Madara was struck in his face, although the only damage his attack caused was the dent in the orange mask he wore which slowly nicked — first chipped on one side, and then the brittle object corroded, unveiling the features unlike the Madara Sasuke remembered from the past. Either old age had changed how he looked or it was not the same person at all. He looked younger than Madara was supposed to be. 

Was this man even Madara Uchiha? 

Karin was dropped to the ground unceremoniously. “You did well, Sasuke,” she spoke slowly. She bit on her wrist, healing from the wounds Madara had caused right away. But she slowed down a great deal when she picked herself up. 

Using susanoo for too long was showing its effect. He wanted to keep it away for as long as he could. Juugo had done his part well. As had Karin. The man before them was hardly exhausted. Something had to be done. 

While he was formulating what to do next, Sasuke felt someone's breath behind him within the barriers of his susanoo. Before he turned around, he felt the voice speak loud enough so only he could hear. “I did not think any of you would be able to do as well as you did. I'm impressed. This is why I expected our collaboration to succeed against Konoha. But you would rather die than support a noble cause. This leaves me with no other choice. What a pity! I would have to show your brother your dead body. He wanted to live for your sake. Now, he would join hands with me for you.” With that, Sasuke felt a sharp, icy metal pierce his throat that drew blood immediately. Feeling even more nauseated he coughed, he jerked himself away, gaining immediate control over himself, which reflected in the way his susanoo came to life, turning deep purple in rage. 

While Madara relished in watching Sasuke trying to continue standing on his feet, he knew could not die now. He had to go find Itachi. If he died here, Itachi would keep searching for him and he would never find Sasuke. He didn't want to know how his brother would react if he were told that his little brother had died. He had to do something. 

“Juugo.” He breathed. “Take Karin with you.” He raised his hand to silence her when she began to speak. “We're running out of time. Let me finish him and then we will go on.” 

Juugo, still in his trance, but obeying Sasuke's orders, lifted her up, flying away from his sight as far as he could. This left an unusually smug Madara and an alarmed Sasuke behind in presence of Suigetsu, who had not been of much use until now. It astonished Sasuke how much team Taka and he had come to understand each other, the communication that didn't outright require them to verbalise their thoughts becoming their default. Suigetsu understood from one glance what he had to do. 

It was something only Suigetsu could have done. Nature had provided him what he would need to finish Madara Uchiha: the thunderclouds and the lightning that didn't let up, still illumining their surroundings. 

Sasuke glanced at Madara, who stood unmoving in his place, sweaty, and out of breath. 

“You think you can defeat me even now?” he said. 

Sasuke paid him no mind. He would summon Kirin and take down Madara. He did not forget the way Madara had manipulated reality to come back to life at least twice previously. Could he have any more trump cards under his sleeve? Was that why he seemed so unbothered? 

He would see. He wouldn't know anything without trying. He wasn't deluded to think Madara Uchiha was a man in his league. He tried to think what would his brother say if he were in his place.

Don't underestimate yourself. 

Even the strongest enemies have their weaknesses. 

At that moment a large flash of thunderbolt erupted in the skies. Sasuke gathered all his energy and summoned the gigantic bolts that appeared in the form of forked lightning, the shape that soon evolved into a serpentine dragon roaring and screeching, raining timbers down the earth harder. It then flailed and thrashed, while Suigetsu did his job. Madara was taken aback, mirroring the look of surprise on Itachi's face during their battle, and looked up. His red eyes flared with more intensity. No, this wasn't something his eyes could consume without causing fatal damage to him. Considering the man was tired from their previous strife, he could not go on without incurring some severe damage. 

Sasuke had given his all to this battle. He didn't know if he could go on. He was out of chakra himself, exhausted to his bones, panting and wounded. He would have to end this before he could continue his journey. 

“Now.” He looked at Suigetsu. He was casting merciless blows at Madara from all sides with an incredible speed that astonished Sasuke, and from what he saw, Madara, too. 

Thunder roared in the sky once more, illuminating everything in sight, and soon, the giant dragon-like beast was descending the sky and heading in Madara's direction. 

And then, all went white. 

No one spoke for a long, long time. Sasuke began to slump, deeming himself victorious or dead, either way unable to stand, and nearly collapsed on the ground when suddenly the moment he had experienced not too long ago brimmed to life all over again. He felt the sound of someone breathing behind him. But this time instead of a kunai, his own sword was thrust into his heart. Sasuke's mouth tasted sour and blood spluttered out. Another assault was deliberated on his stomach, twisting the sword so it hurt and he bled more. 

“I told you, Sasuke,” the man whispered. “Now your brother is going to live with the guilt of letting you die after spending his whole life wanting to protect you. He killed people he loved for your sake. Now, he's going to have to live with the knowledge he could have saved you, but he wasn't there. Do you realize how painful that would be for him? You sent your friend away. It's as if stars have aligned in my favour today.”

Sasuke struggled to twist himself out of Madara's grip, but Madara's hold on him was stronger. Sasuke thought of his brother, who might never learn what happened to him, or who would die from simply learning what happened to him. He couldn't allow himself to die here. Not now. Not until he'd found Itachi and told him how much he loved him. This didn't have to be his end. Even if it was his end, could he see his brother one last time? Would Itachi ever know about him? He groaned from a pain that wasn't caused by Madara's attacks. 

“You'll never,” he began, but sword was pushed into his skin once again, this time with such intensity that intended to kill him. 

“You've shown great resistance, Sasuke,” Madara spoke.” It pains me as much as it pains you to kill you right here. You will —” Madara said, but something interrupted his speech. 

From the corner of his eyes, Sasuke spotted a yellow glow in the distance peeking far beyond the dark trees. It rapidly grew strong and turned orange as it moved closer toward him. The hazy shape drew further, turning Madara's attention towards itself, and his grasp on Sasuke's sword loosened, leaving the boy to double over, coughing and bleeding. And soon, the orange shape turned crimson, bordering indigo, taking the form of a giant humanoid figure. Its gleaming red eyes were set on him, glowing even redder with ruthlessness, and he heard the structure growl. It leaped forward, wielding a sword that slashed the trees and the air that came in its way. 

Sasuke's attention was drawn towards the centre of the figure, carried by none other than his own brother. It was the susanoo that was unlike any other he had ever seen or heard of. 

The large ethereal form, towering over the tallest trees of the forest, flew gracefully, flapping the wings that produced the glow of its own and lighted the woods around him. The darkness resulted from the onslaught of rain and thunderstorm was crushed by the blinding glares radiating from Itachi's susanoo. 

Within a few seconds the susanoo had covered all the distance that stood between him and Itachi and Sasuke saw the mask from his brother's face slip for a moment, change into that of pain when their eyes met. The susanoo around him emitted a sharp red colour and a scream that terrified the boy. 

Thunder that had subsided a few moments ago picked up again as if impelled by the power the deity on earth exuded and the gods in the skies couldn't afford to anger it. It began to rain harder than it had all night, thunder and lightning the perfect rivals of the blaze formed by Itachi's susanoo. 

He was picked up by one of the susanoo's arms and the other one reached out to lift Suigetsu. Both of them were tucked in a small region next to susanoo's heart, so the movements Itachi made would not hurt Sasuke anymore. Bleeding profusely, for an indefinite amount of time Sasuke was unaware of the exchange that went between Madara and Itachi. He couldn't hear the words, but he could feel the rage that bled into him through the vibrations and tremors from the surface he was lying on. His blood trickling and reaching Itachi fueled the anger Itachi felt. Susanoo was gradually turning the darkest shade of red, releasing loud, inhuman cries that couldn't have belonged to his brother. 

The fire in heavens withdrew itself, leaving a dark and smoky sky as if terrified of the conflagration pouring over the earth from a mystical source that was unstoppable. Then, it started again — explosions in the heavens reverberated as if pleading for their existence against the power unwilling to yield. 

The man who had seemed an invincible enemy to Sasuke could not provide any counter moves to Itachi who was blind with rage. Madara, instead of attacking, could only work in defence against his brother. His moves were shabby against Itachi, efforts so paltry the otherwise fearless man was reduced to a shoddy mess. What had Itachi done to his psyche that the Madara Uchiha could not counter him? The man had seemed tactical and cool-headed to him when they'd met. Was it Itachi's Genjutsu he'd been trapped into while Itachi also targeted him in the real world? Madara had tried to use the same strategy he did with Karin, but Itachi had dodged it, and the only thing disappearing from his view was a shadow clone before the crows had distracted him. In the meantime, Itachi had caught him, pushing Sasuke's sword, now in his possession, into Madara's belly. It would have killed him, but he wasn't fooled when Madara came back to life again. 

Itachi's fury then knew no bounds. Sasuke didn't know what to do to soothe him, to make his anger go away, and little movements from his side eliciting pain in him induced even more anger in Itachi. Struggling to keep his eyes open, Sasuke touched the surface of the susanoo upon which he was seated. Despite the hot-red appearance of it, it was ice-cold to his touch. 

“Itachi,” Sasuke said. His brother couldn't hear him although there wasn't any distance between them. Itachi was far too gone in his anger to listen to him. 

“Sasuke!” Itachi's voice surprised him. “Stay with me. I'll deal with him first.” 

“Aren't you and your brother the same!” Madara said. Sasuke didn't know if these words were said to him or his brother. “You.. The man who can burn the fire itself. And now… who could have thought Itachi Uchiha, of all the Uchiha, would awaken a perfect susanoo.” He huffed. “I didn't believe you could ever do this, Itachi.” 

Itachi's answer was a blow towards the man who made an attempt to escape him with his intangible body but was caught in another trap set by Itachi, causing his mask to completely fall off his face. Itachi's attacks were graceful and quick, meeting the agility of Madara with a finesse that astonished him. If Madara could dematerialize his body, Itachi was quick enough to hurt him. However, his brother avoided any kind of vital spots, in spite of himself. 

When Sasuke closed his eyes, he felt Itachi's aura become even colder. It wasn't just the rage this time. It was violence and anger he aimed at Madara. He continued to attack him, paralyse him, but without killing him. Did Itachi have a personal enmity with him? 

Madara became tired of his battle, unable to fight back with the moves that Itachi countered with ease. None of his attacks had any effect on Itachi.

Sasuke winced when he noticed their enemy had no eyes. His Sharingan was no longer useful to him. As a Shinobi, not meant to express his feelings and fears in the open, Madara made his best efforts to keep up his façade of strength. It wouldn't work with Itachi who already knew he had won. 

Sasuke would have given it more thought if Itachi didn't suddenly lift the man in the air and rip his body into two pieces. Then, as if to make sure there was nothing left of the man, Itachi plunged Sasuke's sword into the man's torso, finishing him off completely. 

Sasuke waited for him to come back to life, to make a surprise attack and do something that neither he nor Itachi expected, but nothing happened. Itachi huffed and vomited blood. Sasuke remembered the pain using susanoo could cause its user. It didn't take long before Madara's body had disappeared from before their eyes. This time, it was Itachi's sword, the same one he had used against Orochimaru. 

As soon as it happened, the atmosphere became deadly quiet. Sasuke glanced at Suigetsu who squeezed himself closer to the susanoo, terrified of Itachi. He returned Sasuke's gaze with a look of horror and concern. 

In a few moments, Sasuke felt movements in the quiet environment, the signs of life around him returning. Was an animal approaching them? It was the black and white figure stuck in the body of an aloe vera plant that appeared before them. 

“What have you done?” the black side of the structure spoke, looking at Itachi. It was Zetsu. 

“Is he dead?” the other one asked. 

“It seems so. Not only has Obito Uchiha been killed, but there's no sign of his body being present here.” 

“Was it Totsuka blade?” 

“Yes.” 

Itachi didn't waste any more time in explanations and greetings and his susanoo pushed the same sword into Zetsu, whose solid body liquified, and then was consumed by it. The screeching object disappeared just like Madara had done moments ago. 

When the last remnants of the flaring anger in Itachi dissipated, Sasuke was surprised to feel the painful sensations in his body vanish, healing the lesion on his throat and stopping the bleeding wounds. 

Itachi did not wait to speak to him and moved to the direction Sasuke had sent Juugo and Karin. It didn't take long for him to find them. Without speaking anything he picked them up, despite Karin's vehement protests that she was perfectly capable of walking on her own, and moved. They were leaping, covering long distances. Sasuke didn't know how long Itachi could truly carry on with his susanoo before he would break. The anger from his being was gone and replaced with pain. Sasuke felt it too. It was the blend of the emotional anguish and the pain he felt otherwise from using his susanoo for long. 

Sasuke called his brother, hoping Itachi would answer him. He must have been in immense pain. His movements became sloppy and lost their rigour. Despite this, they continued to leap through the forest. The darkness of the night was gradually diminishing. Instead of the green forest they had walked through a few hours ago, there were charred trees and red land, coloured because of excess of fires. Everything smelled of soot and smoke. Water droplets dripped from the surviving leaves, the survivors of the devastation witnessed not long ago. 

It wasn't long before Itachi's susanoo began to lose its colour, red receding into the orange and then yellow before the skeletal structure struggled to move forward, staggering with each step it took. He and his friends were gently placed on the ground. Soon, the majestic being exuding power and destruction became transparent and blended in the thin air with a roar, leaving Itachi panting on the floor. His skin was split and bleeding. His emaciated body grappled, made efforts to stay upright so no one would think he was weak. His hand rose to wipe the blood from his lips, causing even more red liquid to streak from his skin in the process. He was coughing and heaving, although no sound came from him. 

Sasuke crawled closer to Itachi, supporting him on his hand. He stopped when he realized Itachi was not in a condition to move and gently sat down next to him. When Karin offered him her wrist to heal, Itachi did not look at her, a refusal to take her help. After an eternity of silence he finally spoke. 

“Sasuke…” His words slurred and his voice hardly sounded like his own. “The last of the threats is gone. You killed Danzo… Obito Uchiha is dead. Akatsuki doesn't exist. You can live peacefully now, Sasuke… There are no longer any threats.” Itachi laughed gently at that. But it only made blood spurt out of his mouth. 

“Itachi, you shouldn't talk so much,” Sasuke said. Itachi had wrapped his arms around him. “We need to go back, so you can—”

“You don't have to worry about dangers anymore… Orochimaru.. Akatsuki.. And Obito… they're all gone. You can—” he said, leaning his head on his brother's shoulder, as if he hadn't heard Sasuke's request. 

“What about you?” Sasuke asked. Why was Itachi speaking as if he wasn't a part of Sasuke's world? 

“Don't you see?” he said with a sincerity that cracked something in Sasuke. “I am a monster.” His voice broke at these words. For some reason, Sasuke felt Itachi didn't want him to agree. He wanted Sasuke to contradict the words that Sasuke knew held no trace of truth. 

“You're not a monster!” Sasuke hugged Itachi even tighter. The monsters were those who made him kill his parents. The monsters were those who burdened his brother with the responsibility that he'd been too young to handle. How could Itachi ever think of himself as a monster? 

“Sasuke,” Itachi said, his voice stifled with too much emotion. “You should go. Take my eyes with you..” He stopped and sighed. “It would be for the best.” Itachi wasn't listening to him. 

“What do you mean?” Sasuke said, now angry at his brother's words. “What the hell do you even mean!” 

“You shouldn't have to be tied to someone like me.” Itachi coughed. 

Someone like him? What did Itachi think he was?

“You should leave with your friends. No one will try to hurt you again. Orochimaru's hideout isn't going to be your home forever, Sasuke.” 

Despite his words, Itachi did not make any effort to move away from Sasuke. He did not remove himself from his brother's embrace. Perhaps Itachi had reached his breaking point and he wanted an assurance that he wasn't as bad as he always believed he was. As bad as the world made him feel he was. And that he was worthy of being close to the brother he loved and considered pure; that the blood he carried in his hands wouldn't taint Sasuke. But there was nothing he could do about it other than removing himself from Sasuke's life. 

“If you knew everything you would hate me.” 

He did know everything about Itachi and that didn't stop him from loving him. 

“I tried to control you… I tried to control you using kotoamatsukami, Shisui's Sharingan. I thought you needed my protection...” Itachi's voice trailed. He spoke again after a small pause, “It's still in Naruto. If you ever attacked Konoha, you would have fallen under its influence.” And served the same place in which I killed our parents, was left unsaid. 

Sasuke's shirt was wetted and he didn't know if it was his brother's tears or his blood soaking it. Sasuke was silent. Itachi's hands gripped his shirt tighter. He gulped with difficulty. His head dropped to Sasuke's shoulder, contradicting the things he expressed. He didn't want to be left alone. But Itachi believed he wasn't going to make it even if they tried. 

Things were beginning to make more sense to Sasuke. Itachi always knew Obito would want to use Sasuke to attack Konoha, not caring if he died. So, he'd planted Amaterasu in his eyes before he collapsed, but he hadn't been certain if it would work against the man. Itachi had always intended to leave when he got better and confront Obito. He would have believed him to be Madara and hoped to die battling him before he could get his hands on Sasuke. 

However, Sasuke's outburst the night before inflamed his guilt, prompting him to leave as soon as possible. Sasuke didn't understand how his brother battled Madara when he couldn't stand hours prior to leaving him. His chakra during the battle had been venomous and cold. Without any sensory ability, even Sasuke could feel it. It was reflected in his susanoo that Obito described as the perfect susanoo. 

Sasuke heard Itachi's quiet sobs. He felt like a coward. He couldn't separate himself from Itachi and see the look on his face. He didn't know how to fix what was broken in his brother. 

“You left because you thought you'd die fighting him,” Sasuke said. “You thought that would save me from everything.” 

A shaky “yes” was his brother's quiet response. 

Sasuke wanted to say too much to him. He again wanted to scream and yell. Yet he knew he couldn't repeat the mistake he'd made a few hours ago. 

“Shouldn't it be my call whether I want to forgive you or not? Shouldn't it be up to me to decide what's good for me?” Sasuke finally looked at Itachi, his face paler than before reflected in the cool morning. The sun was rising in the east. Its gold hues absorbed the darkness, giving life to the world blackened with rain and thunder and unforeseen violence. 

Itachi looked at his blood-smeared palms, clearly thinking about the people whose blood was on his hands and the man he'd killed ruthlessly not too long ago. His body trembled in surprise when Sasuke placed his own hands in his, enclosing around his brother's, so the blood on Sasuke's hands blended with the one in Itachi's. 

He shut his eyes, returning to his childhood home in which he stitched back Itachi's shirt and placed it gently where his parents’ clothes were. He smoothed its creases as if his brother would ever come back and find it intact and good enough to wear it. He also ran a gentle hand over the photograph he'd ruined with a knife, suddenly sobbing aloud at the memory. 

“Itachi,” he said gently, “you love me enough to take these burdens on you, be known as a traitor, to endure hatred of the people you protected. You love me enough to die for me. But do you love me enough to live for my sake?”

Itachi's eyes shot up to meet his and it seemed as if Sasuke had asked something impossible from him, something he couldn't give. He opened his mouth to protest against the demand he considered unreasonable, but closed it again. 

“Do you?” Sasuke asked. If Itachi decided to answer him in the negative it would be his own end too. 

Itachi must have read the determination of his thoughts in his eyes, because he answered silently next. 

“Yes.”

Chapter Text

And I was so young

When I behaved Twenty five

Yet now I find

I've grown into A tall child

~ Mitski

Itachi's condition since his battle with Obito had been critical. His strength was gone and there had been tremendous bleeding during the battle that hardly subdued despite the treatment. Once he was brought back to the hideout, for days, Itachi was lying unconscious in his room, not responding to any of the medical aides or Sasuke's calls.

His heartbeats were low, his body unresponsive to the touch of the mortal world, his porcelain skin drained of blood as it shone brilliantly in the white lights of the room. Sasuke's fingers wrapped around his, the slow tug against the resistance a painful reminder of the gap between the two lives. This time, Itachi would have to take a leap or Sasuke would join him where the two could be together. 

Sasuke was inconsolable at the condition of his brother. The dark circles beneath his eyes darkened every passing day. His hand would brush against Itachi's forehead in a gentle touch, a silent plea for him to come back. Itachi's shrivelled wrist in his hands felt like a cold, dead limb without flesh, transparent and glacial. 

“He's worse than before,” he said when Karin came for her checkups. 

“He is going to be alright.” Her plaintive voice came. “We didn't have much hope back then, but now he is only taking time to recover on his own. Give him some time, please.”

Sasuke wasn't convinced. If he had expressed his rage earlier by taking down Danzo, then tackled his pain waiting and keeping his hopes up because Karin had ensured him that Itachi would be alright, despair took a tight hold of him watching Itachi's unresponsive form tangled in the medical equipment all over again. 

His dreams were different this time. The colour red and purple, a blend of bruises and blood, his own palm entangled in Itachi's, fusing his brother's pain into his own skin so Itachi's life became bearable.

He would doze off on the chair, against his own better judgement, because in the earliest days since their return his own condition had been worrisome. His wounds healed on their own, leaving Karin astonished, yet worried at how a miracle like that was possible. When she examined him, she found traces of Itachi's chakra in him like blood from Itachi's veins had flowed into his veins. 

“He healed you,” she said. “It couldn't have been possible since he doesn't have that ability. It's not really something I can explain for now.” She thought for a moment and then continued, “Part of the reason he's been unconscious for so long is because he gave his life force to you. You might not have made it had you not received the aid you did right away.”

His eyes flickered to Itachi, his throat tightening. Sasuke didn't need an explanation. His brother was making up for all the things he'd lost throughout his life, yet the price he paid was impossible. He wanted Itachi to stop going to those extremes. They didn't always have to end up like this where Itachi would always be hanging between life and death to protect him. 

He sat down next to Itachi, took his hand in his own, the delicate flesh vulnerable in his care. He opened his mouth to say something but he couldn't find his voice. His eyes tightly closed let tears fall unchecked. He felt Itachi's hand against his cheek, wet with his tears, drenching him in the familiar warmth — the softness of his harsh childhood.

When he woke up, heart throbbing, eyes stinging with a dull pain against the bright, yellow sunlight, he frantically searched for Itachi, terrified that his brother had disappeared from his grasp again, leaving him in a dark room where no light ever permeated. Itachi's fingers wrapped around his were his only anchor that tied him to this world, making him realize none of it was a dream. 

It was Itachi's pulse, slow and sometimes alarmingly fast, that gave Sasuke an inkling of the passing moments. His mind was still ablaze with the memory of Itachi's susanoo, a divine power entirely invincible and indestructible, floating ghost-like in the black forest as it fell ancient trees and burned the darkness itself. He still believed all of it was a dream, his destiny mocking him with the comforting visuals and offering him a life he was cursed to not have. 

At home, he remembered Itachi seated on the porch, the rare moments he stayed back, while their father was away. When Sasuke came to him, Itachi's gaze lingered at the boy for a little longer, beseeching him to stay, but not saying anything aloud. He was a Shinobi after all. Sasuke squeezed Itachi's shoulder at the memory as if he was comforting the childhood self of his brother. If he could go back in time he would look at Itachi, let him rest his head on his shoulder. He understood things too well now, he couldn’t stand the thought of them having happened in reality. 

The last of the lights had disappeared from the forest. Itachi's condition showed no signs of improvement or deterioration. He was in a coma from which he did not want to return. 

His friends initially took turns to accompany him in looking after Itachi, making efforts to get to know his brother. Then one evening, after dinner, which Karin made sure Sasuke finished, they were seated in the room. Sasuke was sitting on the bed next to Itachi; Karin, Suigetsu, and Juugo had dragged chairs to surround them. 

Watching Itachi kill Madara had filled Team Taka with a newfound respect for Itachi. They wanted to know about him, understand him better, even if Sasuke did not feel ready to recount his brother's story. 

“What happened to him?” Karin asked. 

“He fought Obito,” Sasuke answered quietly. 

“That's not what I mean. I understand we all misunderstood him and he is not what we knew about him. But what happened to him exactly?” 

It wasn't mere curiosity that prompted her to know about him. Sasuke observed the similar look in Suigetsu and Juugo's eyes, the perpetual mischief replaced with empathy and curiosity. He'd been asked a similar question many weeks ago when he didn't know what to answer. He realised it wasn't very different now. Where should he start from? What would he say? His brother had been dragged into the politics by Konoha, forced to murder his parents, and Itachi acquiesced to it because it would spare his life. He'd been terrified of the visuals of war and if their clan succeeded Konoha could be invaded, resulting in the war no one could stop. And the years that followed the incident, Itachi had devoted his entire life to battle him, so he could be punished for his crimes. 

No one could answer why Itachi had been forced into the matters that he was too little to handle. Sasuke looked at his friends again. They'd all seen enough in their lives and he trusted them to not ridicule him. He didn't know why someone would ridicule him if he told them about his brother. He understood the world wouldn't be kind to him and Itachi ever, which might result in a kind of mockery he didn't want for his brother. But it was different with Team Taka. They were going to have each other for the rest of their lives. 

He started to speak in a low voice, liquid in the dim moonlight that entered the room. His voice broke occasionally when he mentioned Itachi's fate being in Danzo's hands, the man exploiting his power to torment him, and the ever-so-oblivious Third Hokage who never suspected a thing. His own life played like a film parallel to Itachi's. In the dark he touched Itachi's hand, affirming his reality and the devastating past.

“You did them a favour by killing Danzo,” Suigetsu said when Sasuke was quiet for too long. 

It didn't change anything for him. Even if he wasn't an outcast, Itachi would still never be accepted in the world outside of their makeshift abode. Danzo's death would not change anything for his brother. 

Sasuke continued his tale. With each word he spoke, faltering in between, stopping to catch his breath, feeling something in his heart shatter all over again, the atmosphere in the room became more and more sombre. It was hard to recount everything, for the memories assaulted him mercilessly, and his own helplessness in the face of Itachi's condition became more tangible. He lost his grip on his thoughts, the inability to speak translating into the words trailing when he remembered the quiet, dark rooms in which Itachi lived, coughing and breathing hard, begging for the fate to reunite him with his brother one last time. 

Sasuke heard the noise of the machines beside him, a welcome distraction from the gloom that consumed him. He braved towards narrating the last of the moments before he confronted Itachi and the one moment in which he lost the battle he had dreamt of winning for years. 

When he finished, there was dead silence in the room. 

The recital of Itachi's past brought the pain of his departure to the front once again. His rheumy eyes rested on Itachi. 

“He did stop the war this time, too,” Juugo stated calmly, although he was shaken as well. “Obito Uchiha was going to start a war. Don't you think we should tell them about it?”

“Tell who?” 

“Konoha.”

“Why would they believe us?” Sasuke asked. “In their eyes, my brother is a criminal. He annihilated the Uchiha clan. What reason would they have to believe he didn't kill Obito because of a personal enmity?” 

When Sasuke thought about it, he realised that Konoha considered Itachi to be a bigger criminal than Orochimaru. If he were to count Orochimaru's crimes they would surpass anything Itachi had ever done, which had been done on Konoha's orders. The number of people Orochimaru had killed, the attack on Konoha and killing the Third Hokage, along with conducting the human experiments remorselessly must make him the worst criminal. But from the murmurs he heard, Sasuke knew his brother was declared to be the most dangerous criminal in the village's history. 

“What do we do then?” Juugo asked. “This information should not be hidden. It could help Itachi and he might not be seen as a —” He stopped before the utterance of the word criminal. 

“Naruto is your friend, right?” Suigetsu said. “Could he —“

“Absolutely not,” Sasuke retorted. No one from Konoha ever had to know his brother was alive. Even if Naruto was his friend, he still loved the village and had no love for his brother. Who was to say that Itachi would not be sacrificed for the village's sake? 

Everyone was silent once again. Karin looked at Itachi, stood from her chair, and headed in his direction. She touched his forehead with her palm. 

“He's warm now,” she said quietly as if she were speaking to herself or telling him a secret. “He should get better soon.” 

Itachi had been too cold for days. Sasuke was no fool. He'd heard the other day Juugo and Suigetsu say that Karin had no hope of Itachi making it alive this time. 

“She says he's given up. That's why there's no response from him, no matter what we do.” 

Sasuke wanted to scream at them after hearing their conversation. He'd looked at Itachi for too long until his vision was obscured by the tears. If Itachi didn't make it, he would kill himself too. He caressed Itachi's forehead, sighing to avoid expressing the hopeless pain that surfaced in his heart. 

Everyone left the room one by one, perhaps wanting to process the information they'd learned from him or to avoid looking at him for judging his brother before. He leaned on his chair and his eyes fixed on the open window from which a bright red moon shone. 

Itachi had promised him and he had no right to break it now. Did he say it because he'd been too tired and didn't know what he was saying? Had he been trying to comfort Sasuke after he had witnessed a sight Itachi would not want him to see? 

Sasuke should have stood up, but was stopped by a sense of urgency that came over him and he stayed. He couldn't move even if he wanted to. An invisible power dragged him back, told him his brother needed him even though Itachi was still fast asleep long after the sun had set and everyone had gone to bed. 

He held Itachi's hand into his own, counting each heartbeat that still signified he was alive. 

He had fallen asleep and it was still dark outside. The phantoms of the memories hovered above him, each ghost wearing the raiment of his past he both cherished and despised. 

It was the flexing of the muscles in his palm that drew him to consciousness. Itachi's hand was moving, he thought. His eyes went to Itachi who looked at him in stupor. He blinked and Sasuke mimicked his action without realising. 

“You stayed.” Itachi's voice was low and lifeless, but not without the underlying fear that Sasuke assumed was due to something he couldn't yet understand. 

Sasuke stared at his brother. Did Itachi really think he was going to leave him in this condition? Did Itachi really think Sasuke would do something like this? Was that why he had given up — because he was certain if he woke up he would find Sasuke gone? 

“You thought I would leave you alone, like this?” Sasuke said. The hurt in his words was obvious enough for Itachi to tilt his head in his direction. “You thought I would go away…” Sasuke sobbed. “Leave you like…” He shook his head. He didn't know if it was the lack of Itachi's trust in him or that he couldn't still bring Itachi to want to live that gutted him. “You promised!”

“Yes.”

The hand between his palms freed itself and tentative fingers wrapped around his wrist, the gentle brush against his flesh alarming. Itachi didn't look at him. He wanted to gauge Sasuke's reaction and Sasuke knew it was important for him to not be afraid. Itachi would know every feeling in his brother's heart, so faking it would be futile. 

When Itachi's fingers tightened around Sasuke's wrist this time, the boy felt a sense of returning home and belonging somewhere, devoid of pain and suffering. He didn't pull away or cower like he had done the first time. He let Itachi's palm stay enclosed around his own, breathing lightly. Then, he took Itachi's hand into his own and smiled through tears. Itachi's cold fingers warmed at his touch.

”You're not going anywhere,” Sasuke said. 

“Yes.” Itachi did not say anything more. 

There was another endless moment of silence that stretched between them. Sasuke thought of his childhood and how Itachi had been there looking after him in their parents’ absence. Itachi had been so present in his life that he sometimes did not miss his parents until they returned. Now, it was his turn to make his brother feel home, to be the older one in their relationship. He wasn't deluded to believe that Itachi's desire to punish himself had suddenly placated itself and the promise he said he would keep would give him the healing he deserved to forget what village and Danzo had done to him. 

Itachi would always remember the lives he'd taken that night. He would always remember that he had hurt and broken his little brother and all the nightmares that would chase him forever. He would make excuses and create reasons for which he did not deserve forgiveness. He would also remember that his only friend, Kisame, had died and he had not been there to save his life. Other than himself, Itachi would have no one in his life who would love him. He had no other friends and no other bonds. 

He looked at Itachi once again who had gone back to sleep. Sasuke called Karin, the repetition of what he'd done the last time, wanting to do everything different this time, and was relieved to know that she believed he would definitely recover this time. 

“The worst is finally over.”

He waited several more hours for Itachi to wake up again, this time fussing over taking a bath and brushing his teeth because he was dirty and had been sweaty. Sasuke laughed slowly at his dramatics. Who could have imagined Itachi had a small, childlike insolence to him? 

Against his and Karin's wishes Itachi did what he wanted to. It was his own way to make them not worry about himself, to not think he was burdening them with his needs. 

This time, Itachi was not invisible to anyone. They all understood what was going on in Itachi's mind. Sasuke would still sit beside his brother all the time, but other members of team Taka would still join them sometimes after dinner, talking about nothing and everything in the dim lights of Itachi's room. 

Once, at night, Itachi woke up with a sweat on his brow. Sasuke, who had fallen asleep on the chair next to him, startled out of his sleep at the noise. 

“Itachi.. You okay?” 

“I had a dream,” he said in a hoarse voice. 

“Was it a bad dream?” Sasuke said, stroking Itachi's forehead. He knew how bad his brother's dream could get. Had he had one of those? 

Itachi thought for a moment. His eyes sparkled. His gaze drifted to all the directions of the room before it landed on his little brother. 

“You came home.” He coughed as he spoke. “You were seven in the dream. Mother and Father were alive. You had no worry. No one was talking about the coup d'état and Father went on a walk with you.” He paused to take a breath. “You and your friends would come home everyday after school. Naruto would stay with you until Kakashi summoned you to go on training. Sometimes, you were joined by your new friends. 

“You were still a child and waited for Mother and Father on the porch. When you thought they were never coming back, Mother showed up. And with her, Father returned too. You didn't have to be alone —”

“And what about you? Where were you?” he asked angrily. Why wouldn't Itachi's dreams have him beside his brother? Was he leaving himself out deliberately? Why did Itachi dream of having everyone else with Sasuke and not him? 

He was not surprised when Itachi did not answer. After all these years, Itachi was still so far away from him. 

He had many things to ask Itachi. Itachi was merely waiting before Sasuke would bombard him with his questions and he would have to resign to his fate. He could not run away from Sasuke or his questions anymore. 

The boy found Itachi seated on a bench they had carved out of one of the rocks on the outside. Itachi spent the time he wasn't with Sasuke or reading, sitting here, watching the blue sky change its colour as the world prepared to descend into the slightly colder months of the early autumn. 

It didn't escape him the way Itachi recoiled when Sasuke took a seat next to Itachi. His brother removed his hands from the bench and placed them in his lap. 

“Do you ever plan to hurt me again?” Sasuke asked, blunt words meant to leave impact. 

Itachi shook his head. His brother, sometimes — only sometimes — would let his vulnerability show through, but it would always be a transient moment, not lasting beyond the heartbeat that he would fall silent. Each time Itachi expressed himself, more and more of his soul emerged, uniting him with a past version of him that had ceased to exist for many years. 

“Then you don't have to do this all the time.” Sasuke removed Itachi's hand from his lap and settled it on the bench the way it was before Sasuke joined him. Itachi would understand that Sasuke noticed every time Itachi tried to close himself off in his presence. His brother never did this with anyone else. Maybe he wasn't afraid of hurting them.

Itachi made no sound. His eyes were fixed on the bird that circled around the trees, fluttering its wings, and flew away into the purple skies. 

“You shouldn't have left, you know?” They hadn't had this conversation. Sasuke didn't look at Itachi as he spoke. “You —”

“You were terrified,” Itachi answered instantly. He swallowed hard. 

“It was only a nightmare.”

Sasuke wanted his brother to talk and be angry if possible. Itachi was too calm for his comfort. 

“It was the manifestation of the pain I caused you. You wouldn't be having these dreams if it wasn't for me.” There was still no anger in his voice. Just the traces of pain. 

Sasuke's silence stung Itachi and the boy could feel the pain flow in his own veins.

Itachi looked at Sasuke when he said his next words, a calm mask plastered over his face. “You don't ever have to forgive me.” He hesitated to say his next words but they were spoken with a tenderness Sasuke remembered seeing in his brother's eyes only as a child. “Whatever decision you take, whatever path you walk, and whatever you do in your life, I will love you always.”

It was Sasuke who looked away this time, overwhelmed with the feelings upon hearing the words he didn't think he ever would know. “Yeah.” He sighed. He hated himself for not being able to conjure better words. 

Another spell of painful silence fell between them. 

“You met Kabuto,” Sasuke said after some time. 

“Yes.”

“Is he dead?”

“He went back to the orphanage… Da - Danzo had taken him.”

“How did you find me?” 

“I knew where to find you,” Itachi said as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. 

“How did you know the exact place at the right time? If you were a little late, Obito would have —” 

Itachi's fingers tightened around the edge of the bench upon which he and Sasuke were seated. 

“How did you know?” 

Itachi did not answer for a while. 

“I knew. I've always known.” The words were cryptic and Sasuke knew he could not get any deeper than this without inflicting any damage to their relationship. Itachi couldn't continue the conversation longer than this, yet Sasuke had pried out so many answers from his brother that it should have been enough for today. But Sasuke still wanted to know more. 

“You healed me too.”

Itachi looked at him at this. He looked tired. Sasuke couldn't help but feel like a greedy child unwilling to let go, selfish and insolent. Despite his brother's words a few moments ago, he wanted Itachi to tell him the truth. 

“Yes,” Itachi said. “It came naturally. My susanoo knew you were bleeding too much and suffering. It wanted to protect you.”

“You mean you wanted to protect me,” Sasuke said. “You protected me even if it might have damaged you.”

Itachi sighed and looked in the distance again. 

Both the brothers fell silent. Itachi relaxed a little, spreading his palm on the bench, still looking at the now darkening sky. Sasuke's heart felt lighter, the gap between him and Itachi a little less wide. When he looked at Itachi again, cold wind lifted his hair, and for a moment he felt it was his mother instead of Itachi. The vision disappeared immediately. 

“We should go,” Sasuke said, rising to his feet. “You'll catch a cold.”

Itachi did not refuse the offer and accompanied Sasuke back into the home. While Sasuke joined his friends in helping them prepare the dinner, Itachi went to the library. The other day when Sasuke had accidentally made a dish, which nobody else liked, Itachi had devoured all of it, asking if there was more. 

Suigetsu was vocal of how bad it had been whereas Itachi denied the taste being anything other than delicious. “It's the tastiest thing I've ever had.” 

“You're saying this only because your brother made it,” Suigetsu said. 

Itachi faked the look of surprise at the revelation. 

“Cut it out, Itachi,” Karin said with a look of mock exasperation on her face. “I don't even need my powers to know you're lying. However, you did enjoy it. There's no lie in that.” 

Since then, Sasuke had taken it upon himself to cook perfect meals for Itachi. He had taken a recipe-book from the library and devoted the time Itachi slept in learning how to cook. Initially, his friends said it was a miracle the kitchen was intact. Later on, they wanted to help him. Then, they left him on his own until he had successfully made the dish Itachi would like. As a result of the mocking he received at the hands of his friends, no one was allowed to touch the food he'd made for his brother. 

Itachi entertained his stubbornness to an astounding degree which left everyone fuming. 

“Oh, come on!” Karin said. “It smells so good. I'm sure Sasuke didn't mess it up this time, you know?” 

“Wouldn't you know!” Suigetsu said with a snicker. “Even though you didn't like the first time Sasuke cooked, you savoured everything. So, you do deserve it too.”

Karin flushed the deepest shade of red, her face failing to hide the colour. If Sasuke wasn't already so occupied with his thoughts of Itachi's wellbeing, he would have noticed her gaze lingering on him and the look of longing she possessed in his presence alone. 

“Shut up.” She would certainly go ballistic, her sole victim being Suigetsu, if his friend did not keep his mouth shut. However, her rage this time was directed at Sasuke and Itachi. “And you two… When it comes to being childish, you're both the same.”

Sasuke and Itachi gasped at the same time, although it was more because of her accusatory tone than the accusation itself. 

“You're both such kids. Are you both sure you're not twins, Sasuke? It looks like you two were born at the same time instead of being born 5 years apart.” 

“What do you mean?” Sasuke said with a small pout and a frown. 

“You both —” Karin began, but everyone's attention was suddenly directed towards Itachi who chuckled slowly at her words. 

Itachi noticed everyone's eyes fixed on him and he drew into himself once again, smile disappearing and the cold, sad eyes reflecting the grief and guilt all over again, looking at them. His hands clenched into fists. 

No one spoke for a long time. Itachi ate quietly and Sasuke smiled a little when he saw Itachi's lips curl into an almost-smile. 

Itachi liked the library more than anything. When Sasuke entered it for the first time since his return, a new memory he had tossed away as a child was unlocked. He recalled Itachi reading the books to him when they were little. Itachi would either make up the stories or read them for Sasuke when Sasuke slept in his room. 

Ever since his brother had left, Sasuke had deserted the habit of reading, associating the act with Itachi's kindness he'd said Sasuke was too pathetic to have. He couldn't remember when was the last time he had ever entered a library. Other than getting his hands on Kakashi's books, because Naruto was too keen on reading them, he did not ever read anything. 

When he spotted Itachi reading a book he did not bother checking the title of, Sasuke was astonished to see the large numbers of pages to be read. He was further astonished by the way Itachi ran his gaze over the pages and turned them rather quickly. He would have complimented Itachi had Itachi not disturbed him instead. 

“Have you decided what you want to read, Otouto?” 

Sasuke's heart warmed when Itachi called him Otouto. 

“Not yet,” Sasuke replied. 

Itachi looked at him and then sighed. He picked up a bundle of books he had selected specifically for his little brother to read. 

“You should read these.” 

Sasuke's face reddened in shame when he noticed these were all children's books. The folktales written for young children, the Japanese translations of the books from the other languages, the fairy tales he had never been interested in knowing. He was further embarrassed when he noticed the books with pictures. What did Itachi think he was? 

“I'm not going to read those.” He closed his eyes, slightly jutting his lower lip, letting an adorable pout form on his lips. Then he heard the sound he had not heard in years. The sound he did not think he would ever hear again. 

Itachi was laughing. 

Sasuke opened his eyes immediately, watching Itachi laugh at the face he had made. It was similar to the moment they had shared years ago when Itachi wanted him to be Naruto's friend. At that time, Sasuke hadn't considered it would take him years to listen to this sound again. 

Itachi's laugh brought a smile to Sasuke's face as well and the boy joined him. When they stopped Itachi had tears in his eyes. 

“You should really read those instead of sulking.”

“I could read actual books.”

“These are actual books.”

“I want to read the ones you read.”

“You tried them.”

Itachi was right. He had tried reading one of the books Itachi had left. However, he couldn't get past a few pages. 

“That doesn't mean you'd get me to read children's books with pictures on them.” He huffed. 

Itachi sighed. Their arguments did not cease for the next hour until Juugo came and, much to Sasuke's surprise, sided with his brother, and even offered him help with the children's books Sasuke might need.

Sasuke's nightmares had reduced drastically over the last several weeks. He was far too occupied with taking care of Itachi that he didn't have the time to worry about his nightmares. However, he was relieved that Itachi's appearance did not trigger the reactions in him that would make his brother draw into himself and distance him from everyone. 

Sasuke appreciated his friends’ involvement in their lives. He didn't realize how comforting it was to have Karin with him when Itachi unintentionally gave them a hard time with his refusal to take medicines or when Juugo sat with Itachi while Sasuke cooked food for them, or when Suigetsu challenged Itachi for the battles he said he wanted to win to practise. 

Suigetsu always grumbled whenever he lost to Itachi, which was always, because his brother, even without the Sharingan could outwit Suigetsu without even trying. Suigetsu, for all his strength and intelligence, could never catch from where Itachi attacked him. Whenever he managed to get close to Itachi and nearly defeat him, he would learn he'd fallen in his brother's trap. 

“Well, you know he's only using 20% of his strength,” Karin once said. “Besides, he's still recovering.” 

Suigetsu practised with Juugo, surprised that he had improved tremendously since the first time he had started to practise to defeat Itachi. Although that was not enough to actually defeat him. 

Everyone, Itachi included, walked on eggshells around him as if they were afraid they would break him if they said too much or too little. He wanted to tell them he was alright, that nothing would break him, because along with Itachi, he'd found a new family in his friends who he knew he needed them as much as they needed him. 

Itachi, of all the people, did not have to be afraid of him. Yet there was very little he could do. It pained him that Itachi still refused to open up, and once he'd mentioned it to Karin, she'd replied Itachi would need some time. One day, after their regular training sessions, a breathless Itachi sat on one of the benches, with Suigetsu next to him. Sasuke could hear their voices from his room. He had been trying to read the book Itachi had selected for him, although it yielded no results, because reading was still hard for him. 

“You've improved,” Itachi said to Suigetsu with a hint of pride in his voice. 

Sasuke smiled. It must have meant a lot to Suigetsu, although a part of him felt envious as well. 

“Not you, though,” Suigetsu said. 

Sasuke was surprised and confused, and from Itachi's silence, Itachi was too. 

“For as long as I've been seeing you, you seem like you still don't understand it's not all your burden to bear,” Suigetsu said. 

Sasuke was astonished at Suigetsu's imprudence. He wasn't someone with the most patience, but talking to Itachi about something he had actively avoided could reopen the wounds his brother was trying to stitch himself. Itachi's reaction was expected, because it was the silence Sasuke was far too used to. He couldn't see Itachi's expressions, but he imagined Itachi's smile disappearing and his fingers curling tight enough to turn his knuckles white. 

“Whatever happened wasn't your fault and you know it,” Suigetsu further added. “The man responsible for it is dead. You love Sasuke, and you should give yourself —”

“I hurt him,” Itachi let out bitterly. Whenever Itachi showed emotions it was surprising to Sasuke. Could he ever get used to it? “That alone warrants no forgiveness from his side.”

“You've talked about it,” Suigetsu said. “He would raze the world if it meant making you happy.”

“It would never make me happy.”

“And that's why he's not doing it… he wants you to be happy, you know?”

In spite of himself, Sasuke's heart warmed at Suigetsu's concern for him. 

The conversation between Suigetsu and Itachi halted when a third pair of footsteps joined them. Karin's voice came to him from behind the walls, asking Itachi to come back, because it was nearly dark, and he would be tired. Suigetsu made a remark that made her throw a string of insults at him, but she quietened eventually when Suigetsu mentioned Sasuke's name. That made her trail at her words. 

“Itachi was telling me about Sasuke's childhood, you know.” His voice was filled with mischief. 

“As if I can't tell,” Karin said. “Find someone else to lie, you idiot!” 

Suigetsu snickered. 

But Karin paid him no mind. “How was he in his childhood, Itachi?” 

Itachi waited for a while before he spoke again. “Quiet. Obedient. Innocent.”

Sasuke shuddered. 

“And look at him now.” It was Suigetsu again. 

“Shut up, you moron!” Karin said. “Let him speak.”

“He always wanted to be strong… just as much as he does now. He's always been devoted to his goals. His goals changed, his devotion didn't.” Itachi said the last words more to himself than to his listeners. “He doesn't realize how pure he still is. He wants to make it all his pain but I can never allow him to go through that.” 

His friends heard Itachi intently. 

“Promise me one thing, Suigetsu.. Karin,” Itachi said. “If I'm not around.. in the future… None of you will ever leave my brother alone. You will stay by his side.”

The request caught Suigetsu and Karin off guard. And Sasuke tightened his fingers into a grip. What did Itachi mean by such things? Why did he insist so much that Sasuke would be better off without him? 

“You're not going to leave him again, are you?” Karin said, not hiding suspicion bleeding into her voice. 

“No,” Itachi replied. “But it has never been so simple. I want to make sure if I ever have to go away, he will have his friends he can rely on.” 

Suigetsu did answer Itachi, but Sasuke couldn't hear his next words properly because he walked out of the room, into the open where he could breathe and where the quickly gathering tears in his eyes had a place to fall. How could Itachi do this again and again? 

With the first autumn rain, the temperature had dropped significantly. Itachi preferred to stay indoors to avoid pain in his body. Sasuke understood it was for the best, since he'd sensed the spike in temperature in Itachi's body, which continued to fluctuate on its own. 

“Why can't he get better?” he once asked Karin. “It is worrying me.” 

“It's because he doesn't take meds or anything else to get better. He's still weak. It's good he's not walking around all that much but he might need months to fully recover. Because of the winters, his body will need more rest.”

But Itachi was hardly ever interested in taking his medicines, which made it harder for Sasuke to navigate with him sometimes. It was in those moments that Karin would come to Itachi's room, wearing a look that left no room for debate or arguments, and Itachi would, albeit reluctantly, take all the medicines Karin gave him. Yet he sometimes threw them away when Karin wasn't around. 

“You either let me handle things, Itachi, or take your damn meds properly,” she said. “You hate them so much yet it's all you go with instead of anything else that could get you better instantly. It's as if you love to suffer.”

Itachi was stunned into silence. Without any other argument, he did take the medicines from her hand, chewing them slowly. 

“Good boy,” she said when Itachi had taken all the tablets. 

Itachi pursed his lips. “I'm not a child. You should avoid using that vocabulary.” 

“Look who's talking,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I was wrong to think you two were twins. Clearly, you're such a baby. And Sasuke —”

Itachi raised an eyebrow. Karin flushed at the realisation where this conversation was going or how it might be taken by anyone who didn't live in her brain. Sasuke watched the interaction with fascination, unsure how to react until Karin barged out of the room, yelling at Itachi for being such a child. 

“What?” he asked when Sasuke's confused gaze met his own. 

The evening passed peacefully and the night came, wet, cold, and windy. Recently, Sasuke had been worried about their depleting supplies, which had surprisingly lasted as long as they did, but they couldn't afford to wait longer. Something would have to be done. Itachi had noticed it too, and had reduced his own doses of food, which didn't go unnoticed by anyone in the room. 

Sasuke had been working on his contacts so he could find a way without having to leave the hideout. He knew eventually they would have to go, but he would never go anywhere without his brother.

Nearly three months since the day Itachi had left and he'd found his brother again, a lot had changed. Itachi was certainly much healthier now. He could also take longer walks and spend more time outside, as if he wanted to blend in the colours of the people who loved Sasuke. He didn't want to be left behind. 

He sent his hawk to Otogakure, where the people he had freed from Orochimaru's prisons had settled, giving the village a livilier feel, and the place he knew he wouldn't find any enemies. Sasuke had sent a message seeking their help. He had specifically asked them to be as secretive as possible. It was something he could not compromise, considering he did not want to fight or bring more trouble for them. In hindsight, going after Danzo could have been more dangerous had things been against him even a little bit, but he was glad that he had wrapped up things before they could get any worse. He would never regret killing Danzo. Even Itachi was relieved about that and approved of him for that. 

After finishing the work, Sasuke went back to Itachi's room, expecting his brother to be asleep. Something in his heart crushed when he found Itachi's body, looking smaller than usual, curled on the bed, the blanket falling away from him. A touch on his forehead revealed a very high temperature and he was shivering, nearly unconscious. Sasuke immediately covered him in the blanket and sat down next to him and pulled him close so he could be warm. 

“For how long have you been like this?” Sasuke said, not expecting an answer. Itachi's teeth chattered violently despite the best attempts he made to keep his façade of composure, like he always did in those moments. Sasuke hugged Itachi, who, in turn, wrapped one of his arms around Sasuke. “What is it?” Sasuke asked, trying to keep panic out of his voice. “Was it a nightmare?” 

But Itachi had gone completely silent now. His grip on Sasuke's arm was still tight, unwilling to let go, his ragged breathing a notch normal from how it had been a while ago. 

“Sasuke..”

“Yes, nii-san?” 

“It's.. nightmare..”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Itachi shook his head. 

“It's okay.”

Sasuke held tightly onto his brother, a part of him terrified that if he let his grip loose on Itachi, he would go away the way he had done the last time. Itachi probably felt the same because he refused to let him go as well. An infinite moment of silence passed in which nothing other than the wind and the curtains on the window moved. 

“Shisui…” Itachi said. “It was about Shisui.”

“The nightmare.”

Itachi nodded his head, but fell silent again. Sasuke knew Shisui was important to Itachi and his brother had looked up to him as an older brother. 

“He couldn't believe what I'd done,” Itachi said slowly. “He was upset that I made it alive while I killed everyone.”

“It's just a nightmare, brother. He's not going to be upset with you.”

“It's his birthday today,” Itachi said with a trembling voice. “He would have been 26.” His tone was devastatingly sad and seemed to be coming from a faraway world. 

“But Danzo –” Sasuke said. 

“Yes,” Itachi answered without needing further elaboration from Sasuke. 

“He could have stopped the coup, wouldn't he?” 

“Maybe...” Itachi said. “But some people from our clan were involved with Obito.” 

“Did Shisui know about it?” 

“No.” Itachi was silent once again. “If he were alive, we would have been on the opposite sides. He would never have betrayed the clan. We would have fought as enemies.” 

Sasuke let his wet eyes fall on Itachi's hand that held the cuff of his shirt too tight at the admission. A sob from Itachi shook him. He didn't know what to do to comfort his grieving brother. 

“It was good we parted as friends.” The carefully spoken words could not hide the pain behind the voice. 

“Shisui would not have hated you!” Sasuke said, nearly losing his cool. “No one would ever hate you, do you get that? Not Shisui, not Mother and Father, and not me for sure.” 

Itachi coughed. He did not believe Sasuke. His fever was down by now. 

“Mom and dad understood you… they would never have hated you.”

“Shisui trusted me to save everything. The village and the clan. I failed him.”

“It wasn't in your hands entirely. It's not always your burden to bear alone, you get that?” Sasuke said. “You didn't have to go through anything. The ones who made you suffer will pay. I will make sure they do.” 

But Itachi wasn't listening to him. “When I - killed Shisui's father—” he paused. “— he was sick. He couldn't move. He couldn't defend himself.” 

“Danzo and other village Elders deserve punishment for this, Itachi, not you.”

Itachi breathed deeply but shakily as if the mere act was a hard thing to do for him. His grip finally loosened on Sasuke's cuff, leaving it cold. Itachi was a mass of flesh and fragile bones, scars visible on his skin from the battle against Obito Uchiha. The charred skin of his wrist was deadly white in the dark, matching with the coldness he couldn't avoid feeling. Itachi, as expected, was silent. Their conversations had improved with Itachi trying to know more about him yet there was always a detached note to him that kept him from fully accepting kindness from anyone.

“I had a dream,” Itachi said after another long silence. 

The warmth in his voice surprised Sasuke. “You wanted to be the Hokage.”

Itachi hid his face in his brother's arm. “It was a silly childhood dream. It was never meant to come true.”

Sasuke's throat constricted. Konoha would never have let his brother's dream come true. Danzo would never let his brother succeed in his life. 

“There was another dream?” Sasuke asked, wanting to keep the conversation going. He wanted to know as many things as possible for him to know about Itachi. 

“You would grow up to become a fine Shinobi,” Itachi said. “Mother and Father would be proud of you for clearing your Chunin and you could join Anbu.”

He stopped for a good amount of time this time. 

“You'd grow up and find someone who would love you. Mother and Father would be happy seeing you raising a family. Every day you'd come home with a little angel waiting for you —”

Itachi continued but Sasuke was shaking from hurt, anger, and frustration this time. 

“What about you?” he snapped, making Itachi wince at the loud voice. “Why aren't you a part of any of your dreams in which I'm happy?”

How could his brother leave himself out again and again like this? Did he not realise Sasuke did not need anyone as long as he had Itachi with him? Did he not understand that Itachi's presence would make everything better for him? He did not care about heaven or happiness if it was without Itachi. 

Itachi hadn't expected Sasuke to react the way he did, which left him amazed and confused. Was it that natural for Itachi to see himself separate from Sasuke and his happiness? 

“Sasuke —”

Sasuke looked away. “I'm not talking to you ever again.”

And Sasuke indeed did not talk to Itachi for the next two days. If Itachi wanted to stay out of his life, so be it.

He still took care of his brother, stayed by his side, but not a word was spoken to acknowledge Itachi's presence otherwise. Karin noticed it but stayed silent as did Juugo, who, when Sasuke stood away from Itachi, would help his brother whenever it was needed. 

Itachi now followed him everywhere, enough to make Sasuke feel guilty when he was out of breath from walking too much. But Sasuke still did not ask him to stop or not follow. 

“Otouto,” he said, walking alongside Sasuke into the library, “you should read these books. You might like these.” 

Sasuke looked away, a pout on his face. If Itachi could be such a child, so could he. He had every right to throw a tantrum after his brother continued to pretend Sasuke could ever be happy without him. 

When this didn't work, Itachi cooked the food he knew Sasuke liked. Alone in the kitchen, Itachi spent several hours, despite Karin insisting she could help him and it wasn't good for Itachi to spend that long standing. But his brother did not listen. When the time for dinner came, Sasuke refused to look at the food Itachi had cooked for him. He ignored the look of anticipation and hurt on Itachi's face and mindlessly chewed the one available for him on his plate. He ignored his friends’ comments on how delicious the food was and that Itachi could join them from the next time in cooking. 

Sasuke audibly huffed, expressing his disapproval, but everyone in the room knew he did not mean it. Itachi had once cooked a meal for him when their parents were away. If Itachi cooked something for him again, he would gladly eat it. But not today, not now. 

It was the third night since Sasuke hadn't spoken to him. He still tucked Itachi in bed, sat by his side, even fell asleep on the chair, now more vigil than ever in case Itachi decided to repeat what he'd done the last time and leave, but he did not talk to his brother. Not wanting his anger to be effaced so easily by his brother's words and pleas, Sasuke left the room. When he was certain everyone had fallen asleep, he sneaked into the kitchen, took the utensils, serving himself the leftovers of whatever Itachi had cooked. Something told him Itachi had deliberately left this much for him, but he didn't entertain this thought too much. 

It must have been at the last morsel that he felt a rustle in the air and he snapped his head in the direction of the door, his mouth open when he spotted Itachi leaning against the doorframe. A small smile tugged at his lips. 

“How was it?” he asked. From Itachi's tone, his brother really wanted to know whether Sasuke liked it or not. 

“If you think I'm going to forgive you that easily, you're wrong.” He should have swallowed his food before speaking, yet answering Itachi was more important for him. 

“What more should I do?” Itachi asked. “Whatever punishment you have in mind —”

Sasuke glared at him. “You don't understand it, do you? I'm not trying to punish you. I want you to stop punishing yourself.” 

Itachi lowered his head. 

“You promised, Itachi. You promised.”

“How can you forgive me for everything?” Itachi asked. “You're living this life because of me. Because I failed.”

“I'm living this life because I chose it. Because I want you to be a part of it too. I don't care about anything else.”

“Don't say that, Sasuke. You have a future and a life you're wasting away here —”

Sasuke raised his hand. “Don't,” he said in a pained whisper. “I don't want to hear any more of it. If our roles were reversed. If I ended up being you and you were in my place, would you hate me?” 

“No.” The answer was immediate. 

“If you were standing here, listening to me talk about dying because I didn't deserve anything better, would you agree with me? Would you let me go and die and —”

“No, Sasuke,” Itachi answered quietly. But the panic behind those words wasn't hidden from Sasuke. 

Sasuke smiled sadly. “See? How is that any different from how I feel about this whole thing?” Itachi was supposed to be the older one, the more mature one since he was older than Sasuke, but his brother kept proving otherwise all the time. Maybe Karin was right about him.

Itachi heard him quietly, not offering his thoughts. He retreated out of the kitchen and Sasuke heard him open the main door. He followed his brother this time. 

“It's cold. You should go to bed,” Sasuke said. He was still grumpy and he would tell his brother later how much he really liked the dinner Itachi had cooked for him. 

“I cannot sleep,” Itachi said. 

“I'm coming with you then.” Sasuke did not like leaving Itachi alone even if there was not any threat to them around the area. 

Itachi nodded, letting Sasuke join him. It was still the middle of the night irradiated by the dull sheen of the stars. The leaves left dry despite the light rain made the sounds beneath their feet. He moved first, followed by Itachi whose feet gently crunched the leaves. Sasuke noticed the musical pattern in the sounds of the leaves that fell underneath their feet. He turned to look at Itachi who gave him a small, childlike smile he never thought would be possible to see on Itachi's face. It felt foreign on the otherwise expressionless face, as if it had been haunted by an apparition of mirth, leaving his heart full of nothing but transient, fleeting joy. 

Sasuke didn't say anything in fear of ruining the moment and watched Itachi who repeated the process, producing a rhythm through the crunching of the leaves. 

“You once did it when you were a child.” Itachi looked at him. 

Sasuke didn't remember it. He didn't comment on the matter, unsure if it would push Itachi away from him or how he'd take it. The two continued to walk in silence, occasionally distracted by the sounds of the nocturnal birds and the streams nearby. It had been a long walk from home. Sasuke would remember to not go this far in the future. 

“You've been thinking something,” Itachi asked, disturbing the train of his thoughts. “Something is going on in your mind.”

Sasuke was reluctant to voice it. “I had a thought, yes.” He was unnerved how quickly Itachi had caught on the feeling he himself couldn't exactly express. 

“What is it?” 

“You remember the village you went to? The one with the old woman? I want to go there once.”

“Why?” 

Why? Because it was the only place in the world where Itachi was treated with kindness when no one did. He wanted to see the old woman and thank her. 

“She was already very old,” Itachi said, as if he'd read Sasuke's thoughts. “She might not be alive.”

“I want to see the place, that's it. That temple. Please.” 

He would have wanted to meet the two brothers who'd been kind to his brother, but a selfish part of him hated the fact that instead of him, those boys had shared his brother's pain. 

He felt the trees move weirdly around them, affected by a human life than the tug of wind. 

“Should we go back?” Sasuke asked Itachi. Itachi nodded, sensing something was closer. Was this a threat? Was this only an animal? The sound had been too precise for it to be an animal's haphazard movements. 

“Something doesn't feel right here.” Itachi looked around. So, Itachi was feeling the same. 

It was then Sasuke heard the sound of the dry leaves crunching behind them, similar to the ones he and Itachi had made, but these noises came from the other direction. They were getting closer. If it was a wild animal it was not as sophisticated as it should have been, and if they were ambushed by an outsider, they might have to be ready for attack along with the consequences in regard to his brother. 

The sounds became clearer and he heard noises – whispers in the dark. 

“Sasuke!” a clear voice called him out. It was not Itachi. 

He turned around, his gaze hardening at the sight before him. His former team members — Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi — stood before him and Itachi, their gazes suspiciously fixed at his brother.

Chapter Text

Anyone who cares about you has to realize that you need a little looking after, nothing else really matters.

~ Franz Kafka 

Sasuke was stunned to see the intruders invade their space, the people he feared the most, as their suspicious eyes wandered between him and Itachi. The sentiment in their eyes changed tremendously when their gazes landed on his brother. They were filled with derision and resentment, curiosity and distrust. Kakashi's usual nonchalance was briefly overtaken by the emotions his other two companions harboured for his brother. Sasuke strained his eyes and found another boy, his own age, standing far away from the group, his expressions unreadable to him. They had all surrounded them. 

Before Sasuke knew it, Naruto had placed himself between him and Itachi. At the same time, a kunai flew towards his brother, which Itachi dodged easily. 

“Are you alright, Sasuke?” Naruto said, his voice full of concern. “Has he hurt you again?” 

The instant, fleeting warmth filling his chest at the sight of his previous team departed when Naruto uttered those words to him. He didn't look at Sasuke.

“I know he must've done something to you to live in a place like this. But don't worry, Sasuke, we're here, and we'll take you home.” Naruto turned to look at him, but aimed his gaze at Itachi again. 

“S - Sasuke..” Sakura muttered. “All this time we were searching for you, you were captured by him!”

“The rumours were indeed true.” Kakashi stepped a little further. 

Sasuke looked at Itachi who wasn't looking at anyone. Millions of thoughts passed through Sasuke's mind but none could find a coherent voice. He didn't want them to accuse his brother without knowing the truth. 

“I want you to shut up or I'll not hesitate in killing any of you,” he said finally. “Naruto, leave him alone.” 

The eyes fixed at him expressed wonder and amazement. 

“What do you mean?” Naruto said, looking at Itachi again, but addressing Sasuke. “You wanted to kill him. You wanted to take revenge on him. And now —”

“He's a traitor to the village… the worst criminal in the village's history —” Sakura began, but Sasuke cut her off. 

“He's my brother!” Sasuke nearly screamed, his voice shaking, betraying the fact he was nervous in face of the accusations. “The worst criminal? Are any of you familiar with Orochimaru?” How could anyone have been so blind? 

Tears were burning in his own eyes. 

“You're defending him, Sasuke?” Sakura said again. “What's he done to you? The manipulation — ” 

“Stop!”

“You forgot what happened the last time he met you,” Naruto said this time. “You were in a coma for days. How could you not see who he is, Sasuke!”

Sasuke's head was spinning now. ‘The last time’ was as much of a sensitive subject for Itachi as it was for him. Itachi Instinctively stepped back, getting away from Sasuke, creating the gap between them, so Sasuke was away from even his shadow as much as possible. The small, childlike smile he saw a couple of moments ago was now replaced by the ghostly look that was characteristic of his brother when he was withdrawing from everyone. 

Sasuke moved past Naruto and headed close to his brother. “Itachi, they don't know anything, okay? They don't mean it. Don't listen to them, please.” 

But it was to no avail. Itachi removed Sasuke's hand from his arm, stepping further away from Sasuke. His head bowed, he looked downward at his feet. 

“They're right.” A tiny, inaudible voice reached Sasuke. 

“They're not right!” Sasuke said. Under any other circumstance, he would have been moved by his former teammates’ concern for him, but now, as they accused his brother, a violent part of him wanted to tear everyone to shreds. He couldn't raise his voice or it would confirm what Itachi believed to be true. He gently touched his brother's shoulder and said, “I promise you it's okay. It's still Danzo, you know. Not you. Not you.”

Itachi stepped further away until his back hit a rock and his knees gave way, crumbling beneath the burden of the accusations and hatred the world had for him. Itachi had subconsciously clutched onto his shirt so tight that it was perforated in places due to his nails digging in too tight. 

Another memory unlocked inside him at his brother's sight. The kite Sasuke kept in his room because Itachi got it for him, he had destroyed it to ensure he had nothing of Itachi that connected him to his brother's memories. Itachi would always tell him if he held onto the thread for too long he would end up bleeding and retaining an injury. 

Itachi was holding onto the thread too tight now and bleeding along with it. 

Sasuke opened his mouth to comfort him but a voice addressing him interrupted him. 

“You killed Danzo,” Kakashi said from behind him. “So, it's true as well.”

“Yes.” Sasuke looked up, his hand placed over Itachi's. 

“What wrong could he have done to you to take an extreme step like this, Sasuke?” Kakashi said, ignorance blended in his nonchalance presented an ugliness that drew the most violent images in his mind, ones he was still rational enough to ignore. However, for not too long. 

Sasuke turned further to look at his former mentor, and a laugh loud and maniacal left his mouth. He couldn't see anything in front of him anymore. The faces of his former comrades stared at him in shock. 

He remembered Danzo's orders to Itachi to kill his brother, Shisui's death in front of his brother, his parents’ deaths, and Danzo repeatedly violating Itachi. 

What wrong could he have done to Sasuke? 

“Couldn't you have known!” Sasuke stated when he stopped to catch his breath. “You worked under him, Kakashi. Don't you know what he was capable of doing?” 

“He was the Hokage when you killed him.” Kakashi's voice was faltering. 

“He killed my parents!” Sasuke shrieked. “He destroyed my life. Do you get that?” 

“Is that what he told you?” Sakura said, pointing towards his brother. “Is that what he said to torture you even more?” 

Sasuke wished he were better at hiding the disgust he felt at her words. 

“Danzo admitted to having conspired against the Uchiha clan. He forced my brother to kill his own parents or he'd kill me too,” Sasuke said, looking straight at her. “You should go and talk to your Village Elders and ask them why they made my brother do something so despicable.” 

Kakashi looked surprised by the revelation. “But there are no documents in the —”

Sasuke couldn't believe someone like Kakashi had fallen for the Village's tricks. “You didn't think, Kakashi, that not having any record is a sign of something important missing from the picture?” He was breathing hard. The mention of Danzo and someone keeping him in high regard infuriated him. “He made sure my brother took out his clan so he could be discarded. Everyone who didn't know believed he'd done it.”

“But, Sasuke —” Naruto said this time. 

“The Third Hokage knew all about it! So did the other two village elders. They wanted my brother to kill his parents and his clan so they didn't have to deal with the —” Sasuke stopped. For some reason he didn't want them to know about the coup. He didn't want them to know about anything at all. He'd rather they left him and his brother alone. 

“Sasuke, this is a very serious accusation against the Village Council.” Kakashi eyed him. “There is no proof that —”

“He hurt my brother again and again so Itachi would not even leave a proof!” Sasuke said. “It was his plan and — Itachi was terrified of him. And you —” He choked at his words. He glanced at Itachi, who was seated on a stone behind Sasuke, lifelessly staring at the ground in front of him. 

The way this conversation made Itachi's hands tighten into themselves, his eyes lacking emotions began to terrify the boy. This wouldn't end in anything good. 

“Sasuke,” Kakashi said again. He, too, was looking at Itachi. “This has to reach Lady Hokage.” 

“No! Absolutely not!” He turned towards his former team members. “None of you are making it out alive from here. I can't risk letting the world know where we live. My brother cannot travel.”

“I will not let anyone know about your whereabouts.” Kakashi was insistent. “Everything will be done according to how you want it. But for that we must leave and —”

“I'm not a fool,” Sasuke said calmly. “All three of you go, tell Konoha that their golden bird is somewhere out there and you get to execute him because he's the last surviving member of the Akatsuki.”

The realisation that Madara Uchiha, too, was dead didn't take long to dawn upon everyone. He had, after all, declared war on the world and then disappeared. 

“That's right. My brother killed him.” Pride was evident in his voice. “He stopped the Fourth Shinobi World War. None of you have to be worried about him anymore. My brother doesn't want anything in return. So, leave us alone.”

“That still requires the Uchiha massacre to be investigated, Sasuke. Why would Danzo do something like that? And most importantly, why did he prey on your brother?”

There was a long history neither Kakashi nor anyone else in Konoha knew. Their plan, after all, had been meticulous. Itachi would annihilate his clan and flee the village, forever remembered as the traitor. How many things could he tell Kakashi before he stopped making sense? 

“I give you my word,” Kakashi said again. This time, he sensed concern in his mentor's voice. “If what you say is true, the criminals will get punished. We'll find out what happened with Itachi.” 

“I don't trust you. We don't want anything from you. Leave us alone.” His body shook. He looked at Itachi. “I don't want anyone to bother us. He's suffered enough.”

There had been too many lies woven to make his and his brother's lives hell. He had found Itachi after years. What would Konoha achieve now? His parents were dead. He'd killed Danzo. Konoha had nothing to offer him now. Not even justice. 

“I agree with Kakashi sensei,” Naruto said, his voice softened suddenly. He looked at Itachi and Sasuke with an expression that was unreadable to everyone. “I know you don't trust us. But if we can make things right even a little bit, I will stay here until Kakashi sensei comes back,” Naruto said with conviction that meant he would make everything alright. 

“So, will I,” Sakura murmured. “They won't risk losing Naruto, so no one's going to take advantage of your condition.” 

Sasuke looked at the two with suspicion, distrust visible on his face. He'd sworn he'd never do anything that would make his brother unhappy, which involved killing people who had done them no harm. But could he trust Team 7 and not expect it all to be a ploy to capture Itachi? When he thought about it, it was the only chance to clear Itachi's name, to make everyone know his brother was not what they believed. If the Hokage, whom he had known to be kind and gentle, understood and managed to get the truth out of the other two Elders, there was a fair chance that Itachi would not have to live the life he had lived so far. 

Considering these aspects, Sasuke acquiesced eventually. 

“Good,” Kakashi said, and Sasuke believed he gave the boy a smile. “Naruto and Sakura will stay with you. I trust you and I hope you will trust me enough, Sasuke. Next week, we'll meet right here since you don't want your space invaded.”

Sasuke did not answer him. He watched Kakashi and the other boy, who had been silent throughout their exchange, leave, while Naruto and Sakura moved closer to him. 

“We can stay wherever you want us to be and you can keep an eye on us,” Naruto said. 

“Not here.” He closed his eyes, fighting between irritation and fear. “There's another place where you two can stay.”

Sasuke touched his brother's forehead. He was cold and sweaty. 

“Do you realise I can still know your whereabouts?” Naruto stated, although it didn't sound like a threat. 

“Is that supposed to be a threat?” Sasuke glared at him. 

“No. I'm not a threat to you, Sasuke. I've always wanted to help you.” 

Sasuke stayed silent. He turned to Itachi again. The nearly lifeless eyes bore into his, protesting against him when he touched his brother's hand. 

“Itachi, I promise it's okay. They didn't mean anything.” Even he didn't believe his empty words. He couldn't help but take Itachi in a tight embrace. Itachi exhaled quietly. “You're not someone who should be punished, I promise. It's them. You are not going to suffer because of them.”

Nothing he said was reaching Itachi. But when he pulled Itachi to his feet, his brother showed no resistance. 

“I can walk,” Itachi said, embarrassed when Sasuke wrapped his arm around Itachi's shoulder to support him. Apparently, Itachi did not want to be embarrassed in front of outsiders. 

He knew Karin would soon be arriving and they could take Naruto and Sakura to the other side of the hideout that was far away from where they lived. One of them would have to keep an eye on them, although he understood neither Naruto nor Sakura was a danger to him. 

He didn't have to wait long before Karin and Juugo were rushing towards him, apologising profoundly for the delay. She'd sensed an outside presence and it took them some time to find out the exact location. As Sasuke had planned, Juugo would take Naruto and Sakura to the other hideout, an old building that Orochimaru had once used for his experiments, but now was lying abandoned. 

Once Juugo had left, Sasuke looked at his brother, and Itachi staggered a few steps, but collected himself immediately. 

“We have to take a long walk,” he said to Itachi. 

“I can walk on my own.”

“You'll get tired.”

“I won't.”

Itachi was stubborn, that much was known to him, but he could sometimes be annoyingly, childishly stubborn, which surprised Sasuke, since the boy had only seen the calm and mature side of him because of which he could always rely on his brother. It was slowly changing. Sasuke didn't fail to notice that the only time his brother behaved like that was when he was around to take his tantrums. Although it was done unconsciously, a plea to be loved and accepted by someone older than him, even if he knew he wanted to be loved by his little brother, the past wiped clean of their heartaches. 

As they walked, his brother tried to keep the mood lighter even though Sasuke could tell he was far from well. Sasuke, too, was far from doing well. 

The slow humming foreign to his voice, the random comments made about the plants and trees, the strained voice and the gap between the words, the silence and the quickness of his voice were the giveaways of Itachi's unstable state that he himself realized soon and fell quiet. 

By the time they reached the hideout Itachi was completely silent, dragging himself, occasionally having to be helped by Sasuke to walk, although he kept the façade of his well-being intact on the surface. 

Sasuke took Itachi to his room and made him sit on the bed. 

“I'm tired,” Itachi mumbled. “I want to sleep.” The meaning implied behind those words didn't escape his notice. 

“Yeah, sure.” Sasuke smiled at Itachi, at his brother's ability to quietly hide the pain ripping through him. He covered Itachi in the blanket and before leaving, leaned in, remembering something his mother used to do when he was little and fell sick, he planted a small kiss on Itachi's forehead. Despite keeping his eyes closed, Itachi slowly smiled at the gesture. 

Sasuke left the room, hurrying out into the open. He was hyperventilating. What had he done? Had he trusted the wrong people? Would Kakashi betray him in spite of giving him his word? Would Itachi be taken away from him? 

How could he be so stupid! 

Would keeping Naruto and Sakura as hostages solve anything? Would Konoha retrieve them and take his brother away? 

His clothes were drenched in sweat and his breath was shallow. 

He'd made a wrong choice again. Back then, he'd been a little bit hopeful that maybe Konoha's involvement could clear Itachi's name. He had hardly thought about anything else. Kakashi could be followed by another village's Shinobi, spreading the news of Itachi being alive, and his brother would be hounded by the villages who wanted him dead or alive. 

All that when Itachi was trying to learn to live. Sasuke wasn't blind to the fact that Itachi was suffering endlessly, even from the things he never voiced and would never talk about. He did not want to live; the only one who made him spend another moment in the world was Sasuke himself. The accusations hurled at him by his former team members has certainly reopened his wounds even if they hadn't begun to heal yet. 

When Karin came and stood by his side, placing her hand on his shoulder, and squeezing it gently to assure him, he sighed. “Why does it always have to be like this!” 

A part of him reproached him for his selfishness, an idea he didn't entertain for too long, that letting Itachi die would have been better. But he knew. He knew that he couldn't live without Itachi and there was no other way. 

Hours later, when Sasuke went back to Itachi's room, he found his brother turned away from him, curled into himself like he always did when he was feverish. He was covered in the blanket Sasuke had left him on. Sasuke's heart thudded. His brother was too silent for his liking the way he lay there quietly. Was Itachi sick again? But when he came face to face with his brother, a loud shriek escaped him. 

Itachi was covered in blood. In one of his hands was a kunai which he used to press into his upper arm until it drew a streak of blood. The elbow wasn't the only source of the crimson liquid that flowed effortlessly when Sasuke snatched the knife from his brother's grasp. 

Itachi flinched and clutched his chest, hiding the gash on his skin. Sasuke's horrified eyes widened and he removed the blanket as gently as he could away from Itachi. The shirt was torn in places, revealing the bloodied skin that reddened when more blood pooled there, sliding down to the bed, staining it. 

Sasuke quickly examined the wounds and an unkind realisation struck him with the force of the lightning – these wounds were not inflicted with the intent of merely harming himself. 

Was Itachi trying to kill himself?

The wounds were deep that resulted in intense bleeding, unwilling to stop. 

“What have you done!” he said, panicked. “Itachi!” 

Itachi opened his eyes, peace written all over his face. “Sasuke,” he mumbled, reaching his hand out to his brother. 

Karin didn't take long to arrive after he called her name. She quickly mended his wounds which stopped the bleeding right away. Itachi, unfortunately, was left unconscious. 

What was his brother trying to do despite promising him he'd live? 

He ignored the smell of blood and Itachi's blood colouring his white shirt when he walked into the portion of the hideout in which Naruto and Sakura were staying. Juugo greeted him with a nod, eyes narrowing at the sight of the blood on his clothes, but retreating when Sasuke paid it no attention. 

He didn't know why he'd come here, the purpose lost to him halfway through his journey. He'd thought he'd threaten them or kill them, but when he came face to face with Naruto, he could only shed a tear at the remembrance of the pain their presence and words had caused Itachi. 

“Sasuke!” Naruto stood up from his chair. “I want to say —” His eyes traced the blood on Sasuke's shirt. 

“I don't want you to say anything.” 

“The blood —”

“Not important.” It wasn't important to them. 

“How is Itachi doing?” Sakura, who had been seated in the shadows, reading a book, stood up as well, and came to face him. 

Did she suspect the blood on his shirt was Itachi's? She was a renowned medic ninja. Did her powers grant her an exceptional ability to understand the things that an ordinary mind could not pick up on? 

“He —” Sasuke sighed. “He's doing alright.” The words ‘He tried to make himself bleed to death’ couldn't find a way out of his mouth. If he said them, the the horror would take a solid form, giving it a meaning and his dislike for the village would increase manifold. 

“We're sorry,” Naruto began. “We —”

“It's not important anymore,” he said, looking down. “I want my brother to stay safe. If he's taken away or if he's made to go through the ordeal all over again, I'll not spare anyone.”

“It won't happen,” Sakura said. 

He didn't know how their opinions on his brother suddenly changed. He didn't care. One week would be too long, too tedious, but he had to wait.

“How did you find me?” he asked. 

“Your hawk.”

“That means.. Others must know we're here.” His chest rose and fell with these words. “They'll come after us.” 

“No. We were looking for you. Only the four us know you're here. No one else will know,” Naruto stated. “Sasuke, I don't know what happened to Itachi. And I don't know if I should or should not trust things as they are. But if you trust him enough, I will make sure justice is served. Grandma Tsunade will be here within a week. I'm sure she'll take the right decisions.” 

Sasuke heard his speech without speaking a word. 

“I want you to know that whatever happens you'll always have us. I'm sorry for what I said about Itachi.” Naruto sighed. “I hope you can forgive us, Sasuke.”

Sasuke would never go weak in front of the outsiders. But perhaps it was his in front of his friends he'd been close to once upon a time that his eyes watered, making Naruto step in his direction, speaking the comforting words. 

“It'll be alright. Trust Grandma Tsunade. She'll know what to do.” 

Itachi was seated on his bed, leaning against the headboard, head bowed low in what Sasuke could tell was only shame. He didn't move when Sasuke walked to him, barefooted so as to not make a noise and disturb him. Itachi noticed him nonetheless and his reaction was barely a surprise to Sasuke anymore. He pulled the blanket close to him, hiding himself from his brother's eyes. The liveliness from the day before was gone. The dark circles shone under his eyes as sweat sparkled on his face. 

“Why do you keep doing this to me?” Sasuke said, sitting next to Itachi on the bed. “Does it really make you so happy?” 

Itachi shook his head. 

Sasuke gave him a smile that lacked the levity of their previous moments. “You trusted their words, but not mine. They tell you you're bad and you believe them. I keep telling you otherwise, but you don't want to trust me.”

“Because what they're saying is the truth.” The shakiness in Itachi's voice surprised him. It made him think as if Itachi was on the brink of tears but was holding himself back, although it would not be too long before the emotions would get the best of him. 

“They're not telling the truth!” 

Itachi looked at him, offering a weak, defeated smile. “Do you believe that, Sasuke?” he asked. “I've killed people who were innocent. And children.” 

“Yes, I believe they're lying.” Sasuke swallowed. “If you want to punish someone for the innocent people and children's deaths, then it's Danzo, The Third Hokage, and the other two Elders deserve it. Not you. You would have chosen a different path, if you could, wouldn't you?”

“Yes.”

“Then it's not on you, brother.” 

Itachi's eyes lowered once again, staring into his palms. Sasuke tucked his hands over his brother's, not giving Itachi an opportunity to pull away. 

“There's no blood on your hands,” he said. “It's not blood, Itachi. See?”

Itachi took a deep breath. He looked at Sasuke, then at his brother's hands. 

“What do you see?” Sasuke said. 

“Your warm hands and mine, but smeared in blood. There's too much of it.” 

“But I don't see blood in yours either,” Sasuke said as if talking to a child with a gentleness that was atypical of him. “Your hands are warm too. Though it's only because you keep getting sick and don't take medicines.” 

“You think there's no blood in mine?” Itachi asked with surprise. 

“There isn't.” Opposite to what he'd expected a few moments ago, it was Sasuke himself who was in tears. “You need to understand this simple truth, brother, that I will never blame you. And no one should. If Konoha tries to take you away, I'll kill them all. I'll protect you from all the harm.”

At this, Itachi made a disproving sound, compelling Sasuke to look at his face. 

“What?” Sasuke asked. 

Itachi shook his head again. They both found the idea of Sasuke having to protect Itachi ridiculous. 

“Itachi, I don't want you doing anything stupid ever again. You promised mom and dad to look after me. You can't break that.” 

Itachi nodded this time, releasing a sigh. 

Sasuke couldn't help but realise how helpless they were and how their fates were still in the hands of Konoha. 

Itachi was worried about their future. His worries were tangible in spite of him hiding his emotions behind a small smile that betrayed his feelings more than he realised. They had been summoned to see the Hokage in the same location Naruto and Sakura had stayed. 

“Don't worry,” Itachi said to Sasuke. “It will be alright.” 

Sasuke was on the brink of collapsing. Karin told him she couldn't spot the presence of more than four people other than Naruto, Sakura, and Juugo. Which meant there was Kakashi, Lady Hokage, and two of the Shinobi accompanying them. They hadn't sensed any other activities in the surroundings which was a relief, and a form of comfort that Kakashi hadn't broken his promise. 

Yet he didn't know if Itachi would be condemned or they would be spared the fate they both had imagined was certain for their future. 

Naruto and Kakashi welcomed them in the ruins, unfazed by the darkness and history of the corruption of the place. However, this was not the time to ponder over such things, and Sasuke followed his former mentor into the makeshift room in which a woman, her wavy long hair flowing in the direction of the wind greeted them. Kakashi and Naruto did not say anything to hint him what their verdict would be, and if it wasn't in their favour, Sasuke was ready for the inevitable violence he would have to carry out in order to rescue Itachi from Konoha's grasp. 

Sasuke noticed the presence of two other individuals — introduced to him as Yamato and Sai — both of whom the Hokage dismissed along with Kakashi and Naruto. When the room was devoid of any other presence she looked at Itachi, then her gaze fell on him. 

On instinct, Sasuke moved closer to Itachi, either to protect his brother or to seek his own comfort. He would be lying if he hadn't thought of this moment before, when he would be confronted by one of the Konoha Shinobi, and he would respond in nothing but violence. 

That would not solve the issue here. He could not make it harder for either him or his brother. 

“Sit down,” Lady Hokage said, her voice surprisingly calm. 

Itachi and he followed her order, while the woman took the seat in front of them. Her long hair cascaded down to her waist, swayed by the wind that shook the saplings and stirred the trees. 

“I heard you didn't want anyone else involved,” she said, looking at Sasuke. 

He nodded. 

“Very well. This visit is a secret only few know.” 

“Few?” How many more people were supposed to know? For his own liking, too many people already knew about his and Itachi’s whereabouts. 

“The ones present here. You don't have to be worried about Sai. He was a vicitm of Danzo just like your brother,” she said. Then, she turned her gaze to look at Itachi. “I heard about you.” Her voice was gentle. 

A long silence filled the room. She took another careful glance at Itachi, noticing as her eyes widened, narrowed, the movements of her softly tapping fingers stilled when she found the unhealed scars on his hands and wrists and arms, turned purple by now. His brother had a special fascination with suffering and no matter how much Sasuke wanted he couldn't bring Itachi to use the methods that would heal him quickly. So he recovered slower than someone else would. Not even Hashirama cells could grant him the privilege they would have done for someone else. It was as if he wanted to live to suffer. 

The woman in front of them noticed this. Her steely, calculative gaze softened, conveying an emotion between sympathy and sadness, fingers suddenly tightening around the handles of the chair upon which she was sitting. 

“You don't have to say anything,” she whispered, lowering her eyes. “We interrogated Homura and Koharu, the village Elders, who were the co-conspirators of the massacre of your people.” She paused. “They have confirmed what Sasuke told Team Kakashi the other day.” 

“They were surely quick to confess.” Sasuke looked at Itachi. 

“And something more,” she added. “Danzo was in touch with someone who helped him conspire against the Uchiha. Itachi was only a pawn in all this. The sacrificial lamb who could be blamed for their failures. Lord Hokage agreed to this because he wouldn't have to take extra headache and the problem could be solved without anyone from Konoha actually colouring their hands.” 

Tsunade reached out her hand and touched his brother's, gently taking it into hers. It was a soft gesture, meant from a mother towards her vulnerable child. 

“How old were you?” she asked him slowly, speaking with the same gentleness with which she touched his hand. 

“Twelve.” 

She shut her eyes, pained at the information offered to her. She wasn't so bad after all, Sasuke thought. 

“My grandfather fought so hard and built the village so that no children would ever have to suffer.” Her low voice was hardly audible in the midst of the wind that had now intensified. “There are no words with which I could ever apologise to you both.” 

Itachi was silent. Sasuke heard her speech with surprise. She didn't condemn his brother. She wouldn't take Itachi away from him. Hope rose in him once again. She could let the world know Itachi was not what they all believed and that Danzo and other people were responsible for the things his brother was blamed. 

“He killed Madara,” Sasuke said. The words left his mouth before he could know he was saying them. “The war everyone was anticipating would never happen.”

Sasuke didn't know why he felt the need to add this detail, but anything good about his brother would only work in their favour. 

“Although, he wasn't exactly Madara,” Sasuke further added. 

“He wasn't?” 

“No. He was an Uchiha. Obito Uchiha. He'd disappeared during the Third Ninja War. He attacked Konoha with the Nine Tails. He worked with Danzo.”

“You know too much, Sasuke.” Her voice was tinged with some humour. 

“Because Itachi worked with him, believing he was Madara Uchiha. But he didn't know until now it was someone else. Although the man didn’t live long enough afterwards.” 

Lady Tsunade nodded her head. She leaned back and crossed her arms to her chest. 

“We're spared from another war,” she murmured. “Everyone was preparing for the war. All the Kage have already united. But no one could detect Madara's presence anywhere. We assumed he was in the hiding, preparing for something much worse than we already believed.” 

“Yes.” Sasuke nodded. “But he's no longer around. There's no threat for anyone.” 

“Is he dead for certain?” 

“Yes. And Zetsu too.. Zetsu and Obito were both conspirators of war.”

She was silent once again. 

“What punishment have you thought for the village Elders?” Sasuke said impatiently. “What are you going to do to them now?”

“They'll face apt punishment for their crimes.”

“And my brother —”

An uncomfortable silence filled the room. The woman, with her persistent kind eyes, first looked at Itachi, who hadn't said a word in their exchange, and then down at her hands. 

“What about my brother?” Sasuke repeated. “He doesn't deserve to live like a criminal.” 

“I know I'm asking too much from you, Itachi, but I'm sorry.” She looked away from them, her form slacking when Itachi did not refute her words. 

“What the hell do you mean you're sorry? Why can't you tell everyone what you already know?” She had told them she knew about Danzo's involvement, about the Third Hokage wanting not to find a way and having to reply on his brother to solve the conflict. 

“It's not that simple, Sasuke.” 

“I don't care. He doesn't deserve it… He doesn't deserve to be known as a criminal his whole life.”

“I know, Sasuke!” she said, her words low and lacking confidence. “I know. But if we reveal the truth to the world, it would cause chaos that could result in unprecedented violence and wars. It would not be worth it.”

“Not worth what? My brother's life? He gave up his future for the village. He gave up his life.. And you're worried about the things that might not even happen.”

“She's right, Sasuke.”

Sasuke looked at Itachi incredulously. He scoffed. “Of course you'd say that. You don't understand, Itachi.”

“No, you don't understand, Otouto.”

There was something only he understood. Neither the Hokage nor Itachi realised it was cruel of the Hokage to not clear Itachi's name. However, he would never give up Itachi's life as any peace offering, no matter what Itachi wanted. 

Itachi followed Sasuke back into their abode. Sasuke ignored him, uncaring in that instant that he had insulted the Hokage by walking out of the room without offering his respects to her, perhaps had severed the bond with his former team forever, and had hurt his brother in the process. He'd been terrified of letting Itachi enter the room in which the Hokage sat, but it had turned out better than he'd thought initially. She wasn't unkind to either him or his brother. She understood Itachi's plight. She promised their culprits would be punished. Danzo's Root would cease to exist, the Anbu working for him would be relieved from their duty, the culprits involved in the Uchiha massacre would be severely punished. 

Yet she refused to offer him the solace that Itachi would not be known as a traitor to the village. 

Unlike him, Itachi accepted her demands. After his fit of rage, Sasuke had gone completely silent, spent as if he was suddenly exhausted from the battle he knew he would never win. The conversation was carried out by Itachi and Lady Tsunade, who questioned Itachi about his involvement with the Akatsuki, their plans, and if he knew something more about them that could be useful. 

Itachi hadn't been aware of their plans before, although he had joined the organisation to keep an eye on it from the inside, on one condition that Konoha would never harm Sasuke. If that happened, Itachi would have wreaked havoc in the village, burned it to the ground so no sign of the village ever having existedw would remain. 

“You would have attacked the village if Sasuke were harmed?” 

Itachi did not hesitate to answer. “Yes.”

Sasuke felt it was terribly reckless of his brother to admit something like that in front of the Hokage of Konoha.

If Sasuke wasn't so devastated and angry at the way things had turned out, his heart would have warmed at the confession that Itachi was willing to destroy the very thing he had protected with his life for his sake. He was lulled to near unconsciousness by the rage he was too tired to suppress, when in the middle of the conversation he heard his name again, spoken along with Team Taka. 

“They worked for Orochimaru,” Lady Tsunade said. “They could be a threat to the villages.”

“I will take their full responsibility,” Itachi answered calmly. “They are Orochimaru's victims and do not want to go their old ways.” 

“If you say so.” The woman looked at his brother again. “If they can be trusted, I could assign them the missions. Their strength could be used for the village and the safety of its people.”

Itachi pondered over her words. “They will not mind new missions being assigned to them. However, they don't belong to Konoha. Without any connections, it is not right to tie them to the village and use their powers for its benefits.”

The woman looked at them again. Her pitying eyes settled on Sasuke first, sympathising with the boy, yet tied to an invisible rope that rendered her hopeless. She then gazed at Itachi, the eyes changing colour. “You killed Madara Uchiha.”

They had discussed this already. 

“Yes.”

“We cannot reveal this to the world without revealing you're alive. That puts your life, along with your brother, in great danger.”

“I understand.”

“What do you suggest?” 

“Tell them Sasuke killed him.” 

“No!” Sasuke yelled. “Don't you dare!”

“We'll talk about it, Sasuke.” 

“No, you killed him! Why do I get to take all the credit and you take all the blame?” 

Itachi did not offer him an answer.

“Sasuke also killed Orochimaru and Danzo.” Her eyes met Sasuke's. “You are a hero, Sasuke Uchiha.” 

Sasuke scowled. However, it was all settled. When the meeting was finally over, Sasuke exited the place, ignoring Naruto and Kakashi's curious gazes, and headed to his home. He heard Itachi calling him from a distance, his steps short and tired, but Sasuke didn't stop until he'd come a long way, and he nearly collapsed.

However, he couldn’t stop now. His miserable form moved on its own, Itachi tailing behind him. He would pause for a handful of imperceptible moments to hear the sounds of Itachi's footsteps, then quicken his own pace. 

That was how he was when he entered his home, collapsing under the pressure of everything happening around, and let out a deafening scream, loud enough to frighten the birds perched on the trees around them forcing them to take a flight. His tears would not stop no matter how many times he wiped them. What had he even expected? He'd been too foolish to hope for a better future for Itachi. 

He had saved Itachi's life. Then he had killed Danzo. And then, he continued to hurt his brother even further by being afraid of him despite knowing Itachi would never hurt him. It had convinced Itachi that leaving him forever would heal Sasuke. And now, his brother had been left to live a life he'd been cursed with by Konoha. Itachi had known this would happen, or at least he was prepared for this outcome, unlike Sasuke, who had become too hopeful, perhaps because Naruto was involved. 

“Sasuke,” Itachi said, gently pulling him in his embrace. “Don't cry.” 

Sasuke was lifted by his arms and walked to his room, then laid down on the bed. He felt the bedspread rustle, followed by his body being covered by the warmth of the blanket. Itachi's palm caressed his forehead, brushing his hair aside, the gestures so silent they could have been illusions and dreams. 

Why couldn't the world know his brother was a kind soul and not a monster they believed he was? Why couldn't they see this Itachi and reach the conclusion that they had been wrong? Why couldn't they know and care before judging his brother for something he would never have done? 

The thought of agreeing to Konoha's terms was horrifying to Sasuke, for it ensured the existence of his brother was officially wiped out from the world. He would be considered dead and a traitor for his entire life. How did Itachi not understand this? 

Sasuke found his brother's touch comforting and he closed his eyes, letting more tears fall. He took Itachi's hand and pulled it between his palms, thankful that Itachi did not offer any resistance. He wanted to sleep so he could forget this day. The day he had found hope for Itachi and lost it right away. 

Hours later, when the dark night hovered in their surroundings, colouring everything it touched into black, Sasuke opened his eyes. Tired and broken, he struggled to see Itachi, whose dark silhouette peered at him in the night. 

“You're awake.” The voice gentle and calm came to comfort him. 

Itachi removed his hand from Sasuke's grasp and stood up to switch on the light. 

“Why did you do this?” the boy asked. “Why couldn't you fight?” 

“Fight for what?” 

“For everything.”

“You didn’t want anything to do with Konoha, Sasuke.”

“I still don't. But we had a chance. They could have done something for you.”

Itachi smiled weakly at that. “No, Sasuke.”

“What do you mean?” He hated how enraged he was whereas Itachi could answer him as calmly as he did. “Konoha made you kill our parents. They forced you to live in exile. They festered a monster like Danzo. I can't forget what he did to you, nii-san. And you didn't even mention it to the Hokage.” 

Itachi flinched. He shuddered and cowered when Sasuke mentioned the name of his perpetrator. 

“You're still scared of him even if you know he's dead.”

“You, too, are scared of me.”

Sasuke was taken aback by the words his brother spoke. However, they held no accusing edge to them. If anything, Sasuke felt the taste of self-loathing wrenched into those syllables – bitter, cold, and painful, inflicting wounds on the one who uttered them. 

“You have been terrified of me for the things I did. You —”

A part of Sasuke knew Itachi wanted him to contradict those claims, even if it meant lying. And if Sasuke lied, Itachi would know immediately. 

“You've punished yourself enough for that, nii-san,” Sasuke said with tenderness. “I know it. I don't ever want you to think you deserve punishment for them. Itachi, look at me. You are not to be blamed. Do you believe me?”

Itachi nodded his head. “But it will not make it possible to do what you want, Sasuke.”

Despite the hurt and anger that flared inside of him, Sasuke took a deep breath, and asked. “Why? Why do you think so?” 

“Because even if Konoha agrees to your demands, they will be in a vulnerable position. Danzo was a part of the system, without the current leadership being aware of it. They don't agree with Danzo and have decided to punish the remaining Elders, but that doesn't mean other villages will not take advantage of this fact. In the Akatsuki, we knew all the secrets of the villages.

“I was an Akatsuki too. Right now, I'm the only surviving member of the organisation. Even if Konoha excuses me and lets me go, other villages who were harmed by the Akatsuki would not be so merciful. They would blame Konoha; and any good relations and unity formed among the villages in the wake of Obito Uchiha's threats of war would be thwarted.

“Sasuke,” Itachi said slowly. “Look at me. You understand it, don't you? The revelation of the truth around the massacre would result in more conflict, and if I am in the picture too, then Konoha would be the recipient of more suspicion that they're hiding an Akatsuki. As long as an Akatsuki member exists, he will be deemed a threat to the world. Right now, we're safe because no one knows I'm alive. If they did, they would want me to go away so they could —” Execute me. Itachi swallowed. “It's better this way, Sasuke. I don't want to go away.” His last words were quiet, yet the plea and desperation in them wasn't hidden from Sasuke. “Most importantly, my entire life, I've wanted to do things my own way, on my own, and I failed. This time I want to make the right choices so you don't have to suffer.”

Itachi made it all sound reasonable. The boy knew Itachi was right. But the cruelty of the circumstances still hung heavily upon him. “This isn't fair,” he whispered. “You – they will never know.”

“It doesn't matter. As long as I have you, nothing else matters.” Itachi's eyes gazed at him. “You've given me more than I could ever ask for. More than I ever deserved. Imaginary outsiders despising me is irrelevant.”

Sasuke knew if things were different, if he were at the receiving end of the derision and animosity of the world, Itachi would have fought tooth and nail for him and ensured the world saw the real Sasuke. He had, in fact, negotiated with the Hokage to make him the hero of the world who had killed Madara Uchiha. If anyone knew, they would laugh at how weak he had been against the man, let alone defeat and kill him. 

This struggle was eternal. Itachi seemed to see something Sasuke didn't at that time. He couldn't understand why he was still too weak to honour his brother. The thought of destroying the world that would live in ignorance about Itachi briefly ruffled his mind, which dissipated as quickly as it had come. His brother would not want him to do something like that. 

Even if he did not understand it at that time, he would indeed understand later, sitting with his children and his wife one calm evening, along with Itachi by their side, why another conflict resulting in a war could not have been an option. 

But right now, he was enraged and distraught, and blind with pain that only he felt for his brother, that Itachi was willing to ignore because he felt for others too deeply. 

It didn't assuage his anger. It lacerated his heart deep, creating the wounds so raw the red never left him. He felt weak, useless, and pathetic. Itachi understood it without him voicing his feelings. He pulled Sasuke into a hug, offering him warmth and comfort. The boy felt rage subside within him at the solace his brother's presence brought, immediately overtaken by the hurt that he should have been the one comforting Itachi, instead of being the one being comforted. But he felt too powerless and weak to remove himself from the embrace. A sob wrecked him and Itachi tightened his hold on the boy. 

The night sky changed colours. Dark inky turned into the purple, slowly beginning to calmerize into the paleness that gave way to the disappearing stars. The cool wind flitted in through the slits of the windows, hissing outside the house, making a failed attempt at abating the warmth.

He knew he could never give up his brother for anything. Even if he was too weak to fight the world, he wanted his brother to be by his side till the end of the time. 

Sasuke would never know, but holding his little brother close to him, providing him comfort, Itachi felt the same. He would never give up on Sasuke. Even if death ever claimed him, he would want to return to Sasuke, because he didn't know what to do in a life that wasn't devoted to the brother he loved so much. Sasuke was his reason to live. He would always be his reason to live.

Chapter Text

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,   

But I have promises to keep,   

And miles to go before I sleep,   

And miles to go before I sleep.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, Robert Frost 

It was still early afternoon. The sunlight, now pale and dull and cold, shone through the trees, failing to provide the warmth. Itachi was covered in the blanket, lying on bed and Sasuke sat beside him on the chair, his usual spot. The book he was reading sat next to Itachi on the nightstand. Sasuke had suggested he read the book to his brother to which Itachi had readily agreed. Halfway through, Itachi was beginning to doze off, and soon he was asleep listening to Sasuke speak, the soft undertones of warmth. Itachi clutched the side of the long sweater Sasuke wore, as if afraid that the boy would be gone when he opened his eyes, if he didn't hold on to Sasuke tight enough. 

The last few weeks had been quiet yet turbulent. Sasuke was on his guard ever since Team 7 had ambushed him and Itachi, still unable to fully accept their verdict despite Itachi having agreed to it. Itachi had never had any hopes, whereas Sasuke had been foolish enough to believe he could get his brother to live a normal, honourable life for the sacrifices he had made for the village. 

Once the night had ended, he'd heard Karin's footsteps at the door, letting him know of the impending arrival of their guests. Dazed yet infuriated, he wanted them to go away, but stopped only when Itachi asked him to mind his temper. He couldn't remember the conversations they had with Team 7. He only heard the helplessness in the gaps of their words, the denial of his pleas confirming that Itachi was forever doomed to lead the life Konoha had forced him to live. The life he would never escape. 

Danzo had told Itachi that bad luck would follow him everywhere, and the man had manufactured a life for Itachi in accordance with his prophecy, which in turn, affected everyone around him. Danzo was a curse no one was capable of breaking. Itachi would forever carry the remnants of that evil with him until his last breath. 

Naruto apologised to Itachi, offering the sympathies that sounded hollow and irrelevant, for the string tying their meaning to the reality ended right when they were spoken. No one was willing to do anything for Itachi, so what did it matter they were sorry? Itachi's life would never change. No one understood how it would be for his brother to live the rest of his life, a life of dishonour and hate he could never choose. 

He wouldn't say a word against the Konoha Shinobi, however, because Itachi didn't want him to do or say something reckless. Itachi didn't want him to become bad in front of the world. So, Sasuke watched the entire exchange with a silence that was both painful and uncharacteristic of him, the things he could only do for his brother. He was further surprised when Itachi extracted a crow from Naruto's mouth, looking ashamed, and looked at Sasuke. 

“You're free.” The brief syllables were uttered with silence and agony etched into them. 

Sasuke hated the words and the way they were said. Itachi perhaps wanted to know if Sasuke still had it in him to forgive his crimes, who had, without his consent, once forged a path for Sasuke to follow, the one where his own feelings and thoughts would not matter. It did terrify the boy. He stepped back, not missing the way Itachi's head dipped and his shoulders sagged at his reaction. Sasuke looked away from Itachi, fighting a myriad of feelings, searching for one to latch onto, so he could feel alive and connected to the world. He had forgiven his brother, but the feelings sprinkled here and there, the consequences which could go either way were a horrifying thought. 

Nonetheless, Sasuke looked at his brother, who averted his gaze away from him. 

Kakashi and Sakura were next to step further. The mournful look on Kakashi's face did surprise Sasuke when his eyes fell upon him. The words similar to Naruto's were repeated for both him and Itachi, but with more conviction and assurance. Kakashi offered a gentle pat on his brother's shoulder, followed by a smile that spoke of gratitude. Sakura, largely out of the loop with his reality, offered nothing but condolences to him and Itachi. She knew she couldn't change his circumstances, yet the offered kindness warmed his heart. 

She had changed immensely from the girl he had left a long time ago. She did not seem attached to him anymore. And even if she was, she was skilled enough to hide it from him. 

At last when everyone had said some things or the other, Lady Tsunade came. The atmosphere around him turned soft. A familiar kind of warmth permeated the room, which he realised, came only in the presence of the older woman. Sasuke wanted to reach out and weep in her embrace. Then it occurred to him that she reminded him of his own mother. He craved the motherly kindness she offered, but he was still upset about her decision the day before. So he looked away when she stood before him. She said something to him while he was still lost in his thoughts and moved to Itachi, but not before patting his shoulder in a comforting gesture. She looked at Itachi with a small smile, not hiding the grief that also unravelled in the expression that was meant to signify relief. 

Itachi looked small in her presence. He held her gaze with a small smile. However, still recovering from his illness and the effects of the medicines, Itachi was the tangle of flesh and fragile bones, the colourless skin covering the craggy cartilage before the unhealed wounds and fresh bruises coloured his skin purple and red. His face, aged by the burden of the responsibilities, looked childlike in the presence of the woman who was capable of seeing the lost childhood in him, the child craving for a mother's love. Itachi, too, saw the image of his lost mother in the soul of the Lady Hokage when she eyed him with a kindness he wasn't used to seeing in most people. 

Itachi always looked so childlike and fragile that sometimes when Sasuke stared in the mirror, he realised he looked both younger and older than Itachi at the same time. They were two souls trapped within the confines of time battling against the moments too powerful for their brittle hearts.

Lady Hokage didn't say anything that Sasuke hadn't already heard. But this time he couldn't bring himself to throw a fit. He didn't want Itachi to go away or do something that he would regret. So, he heard her lament with his bowed head as she talked to Itachi. 

“I have some things to think through. However, the two elders will be punished.” In her silent way, she touched Itachi's face. “Those who wronged you will never see the light of the day ever again.”

Itachi's quick gaze flicked from her face to Sasuke's. Whether he wanted to protest or not, Sasuke couldn't tell. It was obvious his brother still blamed himself instead of the village for everything. Much to Sasuke's relief, Itachi did not protest against the punishment for the Elders. 

The lady smiled. “Sasuke and Itachi.” Her eyes rested in them both. “Once I am free from work, I would like to visit you sometime again. If you're okay with it?”

Itachi let Sasuke answer her. “Yes. That's okay.” He answered without thinking. 

She smiled widely at his response. “Thank you. I appreciate it.” She then busied herself talking to Itachi, looking at him with the motherly affection which came naturally to her. 

“Lady Hokage,” Sasuke said before he even knew that he had uttered something. His mind was riddled with some thoughts and he wanted to talk to her about them. “I have something to ask you.”

His desperate tone surprised her. “What is it?” She turned towards him. 

“Not here. I want to talk to you about it somewhere alone.”

“Sasuke,” Itachi whispered. 

Sasuke ignored him. Itachi was certainly going to object to that. 

He followed Lady Tsunade out in the open. The woman stopped when they were far away from the group in the room, out of their earshot. 

“It's about Itachi.” He sighed. The burden of the feelings was heavy on him. He had to be careful with what he was saying. 

“I know.”

“You're a medic ninja. Kabuto said I should look for you to heal my brother. Can you —” 

“No,” she answered. 

Sasuke's heart sank at her words. “He said you could have helped him. But we tried our best… and he's still not fully recovered.” 

“Itachi has a rare condition, Sasuke.” She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. “It won't be possible for anyone to heal him completely.”

“What do you mean?” 

“These wounds are more emotional and psychological than physical. If it was a condition that required healing with medications, I would have done it as soon as I saw him. But it won't work on him.”

“Why not?”

“Itachi's condition could not have been so hopeless in the beginning, but he convinced himself he deserved it. He's lived with that thought for years and it affected his health adversely. He's never known anything beyond the sufferings he convinced he deserved.”

“I know.” Sasuke closed his eyes. The temperature around them dropped, chilling him with the cold strokes of the icy winds. He couldn't tell it was his heart that had suddenly gone cold or the world around him had snatched all the warmth from his skin, leaving him with the cold snakes crawling over his body, freezing him. 

“Can you do one thing, Sasuke?” 

“What?”

“You need to be happy.”

How could he be happy knowing his brother's condition was irreversibly bad? How could he be happy with the knowledge that some day, some time very soon, Itachi could go away and he wouldn't be able to do anything about it? That there was no cure for Itachi's illness and not even the kind of treatment that Kabuto had said was revolutionary could heal him? The worst – not even Lady Tsunade could do anything for him? 

“How long does he have?” 

“It's not a threat right now. He wants to live. But living also reminds him how unfair he was to you and everyone involved in what he did.”

“I - I failed,” he said, his voice so low it didn't even reach him. If he were strong, nothing would have happened. Itachi would never have been in this condition if he was strong enough. 

“Sasuke, don't you ever think that.”

“I - mom - dad - Itachi.. He'll go away too.” He couldn't hear her. Sasuke thought of Itachi, his life. And he'd thought his honour was the worst concern for Sasuke. No, there were worse things. 

“Sasuke, listen,” Tsunade said, “it's not your fault. It would never be your fault, okay? We failed to protect you and your brother. But right now, you should focus on Itachi. He needs you to be happy. It's always been his heart. If he's happy, he'll make it.”

“How long?” He didn't bother hiding his desperation and fear. 

“He wants to live for you, Sasuke. Are you happy he's here? Are you happy with the way things are?” 

“I'm happy he's okay. But —”

“But you can't get over the fact that he killed your parents and he hurt you. You can't get over the cruelty he exerted on you. You're scared that it'll show on your face and it will drive him away. But he knows it. He understands it too well. I'm not saying you have to get over the things you cannot at the moment, but you cannot expect your brother to do that either. It's not your fault that he can't move past the things he's done.” 

“He promised me!” 

“That just proves he wants to live for you.”

“I want him to live for himself.”

“Then it's up to you to make it happen. And I'll always be there whenever you need my help. In the upcoming years you'll need it more than anything. I promise to do everything in my power to help you.” 

Sasuke never believed that someone would ever be so invested in his brother's life and well-being. The question left his mouth before he could reign in his thoughts. “Why are you doing this for us?” 

“Because I had a brother too, Sasuke. His name was Nawaki. I couldn't save him.” Wind lifted her hair and her bangs covered her face, blocking his view of her expressions. He managed to get the gist of the crack in her voice when she said these words. “If I could do anything for you both, that would be a tribute for my brother as well,” she said, looking straight at him now. “Sasuke, you can't give up. I know I can't ask you anything, but can you please not give up?” 

Teary-eyed himself, Sasuke nodded his head. 

“I'll only be a message away from you,” she whispered. “Once I retire, I'll be free to move around a little more.”

His eyes widened. “You're retiring?” She did mention something similar to him a few moments ago. He hadn't known she had planned to leave the position of the Hokage. 

“And I already have a successor.”

“Naruto..”

“He still has a lot to learn. It's Kakashi.”

“Does he know?” 

“You're the only one who knows.” She smiled. “What do you think?” 

“I think he's good.” He looked down at his feet. A few ants were encircling around him and moving to and fro. He spotted a couple of insects roaming in the dirt. A call of the bird was heard, immediately answered by another one nearby. The clouded sky barely gave him an inkling of the time of the day. He was exhausted from the conversation. 

“The marks on Itachi's hands – that day,” Lady Tsunade said. “Has he done that before?”

Sasuke did not expect this question. Itachi had been ashamed of himself because of those and would not like him talking about them to anyone. But the way the Lady asked him made him want to pour all his feelings to her. After all, no one other than his friends knew what Danzo had done to Itachi. 

“He used to do that a lot when he was a child.” Sasuke looked at her. At first the cause didn't dawn on her, but the next words Sasuke spoke were enough to splash the cruel truth on her perfect, seamless resolve. “Danzo used to hurt him.” 

She'd heard that before from Kakashi. Did she know what that meant? 

“He what?” She exhaled. “Don't tell me he –” She lowered her head, fisting her palms. “How did - Lord Hokage.. I thought.” 

“He'd come home bleeding. He never told mom and dad about it. Everyone was too busy with their lives… and I never understood a thing.”

“It wasn't your fault, Sasuke. You couldn't have saved Itachi. You were too little. You didn't know anything.”

“He was a child too. No one thought so about him.”

A small, sad smile graced her face. “How did we get here? My grandfather dreamt of a world where no child would ever have to go to war. Yet that's all we've been doing.”

Sasuke didn't answer her. He didn't know what to say. 

“Anyway, I need to leave. There's some business I need to finish before I can proceed further with the things I've planned.”

“What kind of things?” 

“You'll know. Kakashi shares the same values as I do. I'll keep you updated. Don't worry, you're not being watched. You and Itachi are my responsibility. He'll be fine for many years. But whenever he begins to show symptoms again, let me know. If I'm not around by that time, you can talk to Sakura. She has learned things well and is even a better medic ninja than I am.” 

Sasuke looked at her in disbelief. 

“Believe me, she's good.”

“You're not going anywhere. After years. You can't.”

“Whenever you do need me, I will be here. This is the least I can do. I promise, I will.”

Sasuke nodded with a heavy heart. He hadn't thought saying goodbye to the Hokage of the village would be so hard. “It's goodbye then.”

The woman looked at him, offering him a warm smile. “Not for a long time, Sasuke. I'll keep in touch with you and your friends. If they agree to my demands, I'm sure you'll hear from me again very soon, although through them. I need to leave. The others are waiting for me.”

When Sasuke returned, the hall he'd left occupied by his friends and Itachi was now empty. He headed over to Itachi's room. His heartbeats escalated when he saw no Itachi there. The library too was empty. Panicking, he left the room, ready to hunt down the forest when Karin stopped him. 

“He's gone out. He's nearby,” she assured him. “He said he needed some air.”

Needed, not wanted. Sasuke noticed. 

Sasuke went to the library, picking the book Itachi had been reading, trying to fathom the words, but only liquefied shapes of words formed from his tears met his vision. Had he been failing Itachi all this time? He stood up, looking at his reflection in a mirror hanging on the wall, wondering what part of his expressions gave away the sentiments that he was too afraid to confess. What made Itachi think that he still held onto the grudges or had the traces of anger from their past. What could he do to convince his brother that blaming himself would not solve anything? If he were to believe Lady Hokage, Itachi's future and life depended on Sasuke's happiness and his forgiveness. 

He moved from the mirror towards the window, observing the many colours that painted the evening sky. Crimson bloomed the sharpest on the horizon, merging with the darker shade of orange, which naturally faded into the yellow before the blue sky slowly opened, now dulled to the comfortable paleness, which awaited dusk. He saw Itachi approaching from a distance, the short and slow steps an indication of his lack of strength. When his brother looked up, he paused momentarily, but resumed his walk again. It wasn't long before Itachi was entering the library, his breathing heavier from the quick walk he'd taken back home. 

Without greeting him, Itachi burned the candle on the table, and sat down on the chair, opening the book. But he wasn't reading it. His gaze wandered over to the pages and words and returned to where he should have read already. 

“Are you going to pretend I'm not here?” Sasuke asked. 

Itachi looked up at him, his expressions unreadable. This was not a good sign. 

“For how long is it going to be like this?” the boy asked. “You were supposed to know better and –” 

Itachi looked at him. “Know what?”

“You know!” he nearly screamed. “Something happens and then it's as if you don't know me. As if I have to go back and make everything right and I don't know what to do. I feel..” His hands were shaking. 

Itachi stood up from his seat. “Sasuke.” The word was barely a whisper. “Did Lady Hokage say something?”

He nodded his head. “She said.. You.. Your illness… it's not completely gone. It has no cure. Not even she can do anything about it.”

Sasuke walked towards Itachi, now exhausted and incapable of moving on his own. He placed his head on Itachi's shoulder. “I'm tired.” He wanted his voice to be more confident but it came across as weak and vulnerable. “Please. I'm scared of everything.” 

Itachi raised his fragile, bony arm to wrap it around Sasuke's shoulders. He let his little brother cry without disturbing him. Sasuke wanted Itachi to say something, but the quietness in which Itachi let him weep his fears away was strangely comforting. 

The next month passed uneventfully. The part of Sasuke that had been afraid of Konoha having found them began to rest, becoming less fearful of the invasions. He was at peace knowing none of the Konoha Shinobi who had visited them had revealed their secret. It didn't mean they weren't at the risk of being found out. Which meant he would have to be more careful than before. 

A month later, however, they received a letter from Lady Tsunade, offering Juugo and Suigetsu the charge of taking over the settlements established in Otogakure by the released prisoners from Orochimaru's labs. Having been among them, Juugo and Suigetsu would know how to handle the situation. Although, if they would not want to, they would not be forced. 

Juugo immediately accepted the offer. Suigetsu, too, showed no hesitation. They would have to leave early before the winters set in. 

Sasuke felt a pang in his chest when he realised he wouldn't be seeing his friends every day anymore. He had been so used to their presence that their absence was sure to leave a glaring hole whether he said it aloud or not. Karin, upon noticing his plight, came to him. 

“They can still visit us every now and then. And besides, they aren't that far away from us.”

That was true. It would only take a few hours to reach. The place was closer to the Land of Iron where they'd travelled to take down Danzo. 

“It's not that far. And it's unlikely we'll be tracked by the enemies on the way.”

The Land of Iron kept out of their way. They might want to track what was going on in Otogakure, which with Konoha's involvement and Orochimaru being Konoha's worst enemy, might not raise any suspicion strong enough to keep an eye on them. Konoha had promised to give Otogakure autonomy with little interference from its own side. 

It was a small village without any relevance on the political fronts, which could continue its anonymity post its resurgence. In case of any disturbances, Konoha would step in, whether the Hokage was Lady Tsunade or someone else. 

In her letter, she stated keeping him and Itachi safe was her priority. She would never do something that would compromise with their safety. The world outside was still stunned to know that a war had been averted. Sasuke was a hero for saving the world from an enemy that no one had the guts to defeat. Although everyone had challenged Madara Uchiha, putting up a brave face in front of him, they knew the man was an invincible enemy who could only be defeated by none other than the first Hokage himself. 

The love he received for an act he hadn't even committed came at the expense of his brother – it was as if Itachi had accepted the disgrace and hatred in place of honour and love and allowed Sasuke to have it all. 

The remaining days with his friends were spent quietly. Itachi spent most of his time in the library. In the evening, they all gathered together, rarely staying quiet, for Karin was teased relentlessly, Itachi joining Suigetsu in the way she behaved whenever Sasuke was around her. 

A week later, Karin announced she would be joining Suigetsu and Juugo for a little while for any help she could provide, while they started with the work. Of all three, she was the best in the work. Since Itachi, too, was doing better now, he did not need her medical care as much as before, Karin could aid her friends and help them get rid of the last remains of Orochimaru. 

Karin's distaste for Orochimaru surprised Sasuke. He'd always believed her to be his loyal subordinate whom the man valued immensely. It was a good revelation indeed. 

The goodbyes were quiet and teary, although no one admitted as much. Sasuke bid his friends farewell with a heavy heart. There would never be the same meetings, the banters, and the laughter. He realised the gaping silence between him and Itachi when none of his friends were there to fill it anymore. Itachi kept to himself, now seemingly more afraid than before, and locked himself in the library or his room. 

Sasuke was welcome any time of the day, but it didn't change how distant Itachi had become. Or were things always like this and he hadn't noticed them? He remembered Lady Hokage's words. It was only him who could make Itachi happy enough to want to live. 

One evening, after dinner Sasuke did not return to his room to sleep, nor did he go to Itachi's. He sat outside. In the cold night white frost settled on his sweater, his eyelashes heavy from their weight. The clouds scattered in the dark sky, drifting with the sway of the wind. The images before his eyes changed and rendered him tearful with hardly any thought that was coherent. He shivered. 

“Sasuke.” He heard Itachi open the door. “You've been here too long. Something is bothering you.”

Sasuke didn't look up. Itachi was right. Something was truly bothering him. 

“You'll catch a cold if you stay here like this.”

“That's not the worst part.”

“What is wrong?” 

Sasuke looked at him and smiled tearfully. The smile had no signs of mirth. “Everything.” He sucked in a deep breath. He had already said everything he wanted say. Itachi already knew what he would say now to him. Nothing between them changed despite all his efforts. 

 “I want to hear you talk.” He looked at his brother. “I want to hear if you like something, or if you dislike something. I want to know what you read about all the time. If you liked the tea I made. If you struggled with the food you cooked for us. Do you miss our friends as much as I do? Itachi, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one living here. I want you to… be present. I don't want to be alone anymore.” 

Itachi was silent. He watched the tears that fell from his brother's eyes. “Sasuke,” he said in a slow, pained whisper, raising his hand to wipe the tears away from his face. Sasuke leaned into the touch, head falling to Itachi's shoulder when his brother pulled him towards him. Sasuke knew Itachi wouldn't say anything in response. He knew Itachi wouldn't say anything at all. He didn't expect his brother to comfort him in response. All he wanted was an assurance. 

“I hate crying like this everyday,” he said, trying to fill the gaps between the silence. He would have laughed if he had the strength, but he was exhausted beyond measure. 

Itachi wrapped his arms around Sasuke, tightening his hold on his brother, as if it could stop Sasuke from falling apart. 

Itachi gently stood up, helping Sasuke alongside him, and walked him back to Sasuke's room. 

“I'll make you something. What would you like?” Itachi said gently. Sasuke blinked. At that moment, his brother looked younger than Sasuke remembered him. 

“Anything you like,” he answered. 

Itachi came back with two cups of coffee. “You always liked these when you were little,” he said. 

“I don't remember it.”

“Mother didn't want you to drink too much coffee, but you always wanted it because I preferred coffee to anything.” A smile spread on Itachi's face at the memory. 

“What else do you remember of me, nii-san?”

Itachi's face glowed at the question. “When I would go on missions, you couldn't stop crying. Once, you followed me out of the house. Mother and father were looking for you. You came home crying that you'd lost nii-san.” Itachi laughed softly. 

“That's embarrassing!” Sasuke mumbled, sipping his coffee. 

“It wasn't the worst thing you did.” Itachi looked amused. “You'd always sneak into my room to sleep and hide in the closet if mother came looking for you. You thought no one knew it, but mother and father found it adorable.”

“They knew?” Sasuke gasped. 

“Of course.”

The boy looked away in embarrassment, murmuring the unintelligible words, which Itachi caught up to anyway. 

“You were just a child,” he said. “They understood.”

“Still embarrassing.” Sasuke had yet to look back at Itachi. 

Since that day, Itachi did not have to be reminded of what Sasuke wanted. Itachi usually prepared breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and had made several of the snacks he could, which Sasuke loved the most. 

Winter was harsh this year, which forced both him and Itachi to stay indoors most of the day. They now had enough supplies to last an entire year, because Team Taka never forgot to send them the ration and the essentials for survival in the uninhibited region. They occasionally received messages from Juugo, who told them things were dire in Otogakure, and they would need to work harder to get the job done before they could make the area inhabitable. 

The letters remained generic until they received Karin's message one day. 

“Can you please read it?” Sasuke said, his attention fixed on the book he had picked. 

“This is from Karin,” Itachi said, a teasing edge obvious in his tone. “You don't want me to read it, Otouto.”

Sasuke pursed his lips. “W - Can - you - what -” He sighed. “What are you trying to say?” 

“There might be something she would not want someone else to read. You should –”

The boy huffed at Itachi's teasing and snatched the letter away from him. His gaze focused on the words, initially searching for something inappropriate his brother was alluding to, but paused when he read the words ‘Konoha’ and ‘Lady Hokage’ and ‘Madara Uchiha.’ 

Itachi sensed the tense atmosphere and looked at him again. “Otouto?” 

When Sasuke was done reading the letter, he looked at his brother, teary eyed, then away from his face. 

“Sasuke?” 

Karin had written to him to tell them about the developments in Konoha. The Elders were dead. Their dead bodies were not found. There was no cremation done for their bodies. Everyone in the village, to avoid suspicions on the other villages, was told they were involved in the practices unsuitable for the village and it was better they were treated that way. Lady Hokage had given the satisfactory responses to anyone who was curious, so as not to flame the fires of wars. 

This year, Konoha had scrapped the Chunin exams, replacing them with a friendlier meeting of the Shinobi, who would not try to kill each other so they could prepare themselves to kill each other in the future as well. The proposal had received a positive response in Sunagakure, whereas the other nations were still baffled by the sudden change in the developments. Konoha's strong position and the positive image in front of the other villages would inevitably play an important role, while Naruto, too, had volunteered to encourage those he could to help. His status as the strongest Jinchuriki would play a vital role in convincing the rest of the Shinobi nations to desert the deathly examinations. 

Sasuke was a hero in the eyes of the inhabitants of Otogakure, who were already in awe of his goodness for having freed them from Orochimaru. They believed only Sasuke could take down someone like Madara. 

Sasuke looked at Itachi when he read the part in the letter, who buried his face in his knees, refusing to look up at him. 

Since there was a lot of work to do, Lady Tsunade had postponed her retirement for a year. In her letter to Team Taka she had sent the names of some herbs that would be useful for Itachi. And Karin, having found them, had sent the medicines made from them for his brother. 

The next letter they received stated that the age of graduation from the Academy was now fifteen in Konoha. They were expecting other villages to give in as well, who were grumbling with indignation. 

Sasuke understood why Lady Hokage was taking all the decisions so suddenly. He wasn't surprised when upon Sakura's suggestion Konoha decided to open a children's therapy centre as well. 

“They are doing all they can. Even Sakura,” Sasuke said. “What do you think about this?” 

“It's good. Children do not need to suffer in violence. They don't have to suffer at all,” Itachi answered. 

When the cold began to decline, Sasuke again suggested they take a trip to the village in the snow, to see the old woman who had been kind to Itachi. Itachi once again expressed his reluctance. 

“You need to get out too.” He whined. 

Itachi pursed his lips and rolled his eyes. “The place has no name,” Itachi said. 

“I could think of a name.” Sasuke gave him a sheepish smile. “How about Itachi Village? Hm?” 

Suddenly, Itachi threw a pillow that landed right on his face. 

“Ow! What was that?” Sasuke rubbed his nose. “You could have warned!” 

“You will not say something like that again.” 

“I have more suggestions if you don't like that one. Do you want to hear them?” Alarmed, Sasuke was already on his feet. Too bad for him, a pillow hit him before his feet touched the floor. 

“So you choose violence in return for my generosity,” he answered. “You will have it!” He was lucky to have more pillows and blankets and a mattress piled on his side. He picked one up, throwing it in Itachi's direction, missing it completely. 

Soon his frustration grew, because Itachi managed to dodge every single one of his attacks, and now all Sasuke was left with was a large blanket with which he jumped onto his brother, covering him from head to toe. 

“Sasuke, stop!” Itachi's muffled laughter came to him. “You're too much.” He tried to free himself, but Sasuke was quick to thwart all of his brother's attempts to escape. 

“First say yes. Then I'll let you go.” Sasuke tickled Itachi, who laughed breathlessly, threatening him of the consequences Sasuke would not like. Sasuke knew if Itachi wanted to free himself, he had many, many techniques he could use, but since he was going with the flow, why not make the best of it and have Itachi react to the things humanly? 

“Why, Sasuke? Alright! You win!” 

And the blanket was suddenly gone. Sasuke smiled at his brother victoriously. 

“You're such a child!” Itachi said. “You bullied me into accepting your request.”

Sasuke gawked. “I? Bullied? You?” He scoffed. “Uhh. Doesn't matter. I win and you lose.” 

Sometimes, when at night, Sasuke could not control his nightmares, he would walk out of the room so Itachi did not hear him sob and thrash on the bed. He would spend the whole night away in the cold because coming back to the room and watching Itachi's questioning and pained eyes was an ordeal he couldn't endure. Yet Itachi knew what was going on. In the morning, Sasuke would have to prod him to talk, to look at him, and Itachi would smile slowly, before settling into one of his usual melancholic silences that were typical of him. 

A week since they had decided to go to the unnamed village, Sasuke looked at the map and yelped in surprise. It turned out they were closer to the area than he had initially thought. Southwest to their current location, they had to head to Amegakure, and in one of its remote regions lay this unknown place. Itachi told him that although the village was a part of Amegakure, it showed a tremendous leaning towards the snow rather than rain. Instead of the rain, it was the snow that blanketed the land in thick sheets. 

Not having to travel to the crowded places would spare both of them the trouble of escaping the prying eyes of the strangers who could be troublesome to Itachi. And with Itachi being familiar with the route, reaching there would not be a hard task. 

Sasuke had written a letter to Team Taka, telling them that he and Itachi would be away from home for a few weeks, and would return very soon. He received a response in no time, informing him of the safe places, passages, and inns they could stay. They would not have to be careful because they could not fight, but because they did not want any unnecessary attention to themselves.

While the brothers were away, Juugo would keep an eye on the hideout through his birds and animals, weeding out any threats and dangers that could persist in their absence. Sasuke thanked them. 

One partially sunny morning, Itachi and Sasuke quietly set out on their journey. They were dressed in large cloaks and straw hats that hid them well. To the outsiders, they were two travellers who had taken to travel the land with no history and no past and no records. Itachi knew which inn to reach before evening and they would have to keep their pace fast. It was winter, so it was unlikely the place would be crowded, which was a relief. Neither Itachi nor Sasuke were curious about the people on their journey as much as Sasuke was eager to see the woman who had been kind to his brother. He wanted to thank her personally. He didn't want to consider the possibility that she was dead now. 

The weather changed when they moved to the west of their original location, reaching the crossroads that would lead them to Amegakure. They hadn't met anyone save for a few squirrels that hurried from one tree to the other and the birds that sang raucous songs. 

Sasuke was aware of Itachi's heavy breathing and insisted they rest. Itachi denied. They needed to get to the inn before it got dark. Akatsuki being dead didn't mean threats on them were entirely gone. They would have to find an inn before they could rest. Sasuke shook his head at his brother's stubbornness. Although he was right, Itachi was having a hard time walking properly. Even he himself was exhausted. 

“You always thought about this, didn't you?” he asked his brother. “About me accompanying you when you had to travel for the missions.” 

Itachi smiled slowly. “All the time.” 

“When they took me to the Land of the Waves, I couldn't help but think you were with me. Even if I didn't know, I wished you were there.” Sasuke didn't look at his brother. “A part of me always wanted you to be by my side. I now understand it much better.” 

Itachi let out a small noise of acknowledgement, but said nothing else. 

The sky started to lose its liveliness as black shadows of the evening swallowed the noon. The evening was now wet and cold, lacking the signs of early comfortable dryness of the Land of Fire. Their feet squelched the wet earth, dragging themselves slowly now that they were both exhausted. When the last rays of the sun dwindled, Sasuke requested Itachi to stop, noticing his ragged breathing and slowed steps. Itachi denied again, stating they would come to a destination very soon where they could stay. 

Walking for a few more minutes they did come to stand in front of a large two-storey building, splayed in the space for as far as their eyes could see in the dark, without their Sharingan that is. 

They entered a large spacious hall, surprised to find it largely unoccupied, but not without the warmth it gave compared to the cold they had just left behind. Getting to the reception and booking the room wasn't a hard task anymore until Sasuke was asked his name. 

“Sasuke,” he answered casually. 

“Sasuke Uchiha?” The receptionist's jubilant voice attracted unwanted attention to him and Itachi. 

“No. Just Sasuke.” He looked at Itachi. “My brother and I have been orphans for as long as we can remember.”

That would suffice without raising any suspicion on them. Children who did not know their parents’ names fended for themselves and had no identity outside their existence that did not affect the others. It satisfied the man's curiosity and he gave Sasuke the key to the room in which he would be staying. 

Lit with the soft orange glow, it was a large room with two freshly laid futons on the floor. The feeble silvery moonlight, filtering through the thin layer of the clouds, entered the room through the tall window. The condensed raindrops hung on the glass, trailing down to the windowpane like teardrops. 

Exhausted from his travel, Itachi collapsed on one of the futons, covering his face with his hands to block the lights. Meanwhile Sasuke slid the glass window aside, letting the cool breeze in. Chill immediately settled in, making him shiver, and when he looked at Itachi, his brother was dozing off. 

“Itachi, you're supposed to be having dinner, not fall asleep right away!” He stirred his brother, who groaned at the disturbance. 

“I'm tired.”

“So am I. And no way you are going to sleep without your dinner. And then you're supposed to take your medicine.”

“Not today, Otouto. Let me sleep.” 

Sasuke heard none of it. Soon, Itachi was pushed into the bathroom while Sasuke waited outside, afraid that a tired Itachi would fall asleep inside. Thankfully, his brother had enough sense to exit within minutes, wearing a white shirt and brown trousers. 

“That's better now.”

Itachi grumbled something in response and pouted slightly. 

“You said something?” Sasuke asked. 

“I'm starving.”

The dinner was hardly quiet. Sasuke felt he was either dreaming or hallucinating. He continued to tell his brother the things he'd noticed on their way. Itachi nodded, having observed them himself, but had been quiet. He said he didn't want to frighten Sasuke, so quietly moving was the only way unless they were willing to attract attention, and further the exhausting trails. Itachi was impressed that Sasuke had noticed those too, because the men had adapted to the most efficient kind of camouflage to conceal themselves from the eyes. He had trained himself to view past the perfect disguise of the Shinobi, which Sasuke hadn't experienced yet. 

“But they didn't notice us, did they?” Sasuke asked. 

Itachi shook his head. “They weren't the sensory types. They think they saw two birds.”

“Huh?” Sasuke frowned. “Oh. I see.” Itachi's Genjutsu. It must have been far too good and subtle that even Sasuke hadn't been able to tell. “Is that why you were in such a hurry to find a safer place to stay?” 

“Of course.” Itachi was silent, thinking, and looking out of the window. The rain had started once again. “This is something we would have to live with. It's the life of a Shinobi.”

“Neither of us is a Shinobi anymore.” When Itachi looked at him, surprised, Sasuke continued: “I don't want to do what makes people kill each other.”

“What do you want?” 

“I don't know. Besides, I've done enough, haven't I?” He chuckled a little. “Now, I don't want to kill anyone. Maybe I'll work for Otogakure. It's going to need someone to lead… I'll step up. But I'm not going to leave you.”

“You really need to know what you want, Sasuke.” 

“I don't want to leave you is all I want. But we can't survive like this, even if it's not a matter of money. You need rest. And the rest of us can work.” 

Itachi nodded and went back to quietly eating the remainder of his meal. Whenever Sasuke said something amusing he looked at him and smiled. Sasuke realised he'd been talking too much since their dinner started. Itachi always wanted their dinner to be quiet, but the boy couldn't help it. If their lives had been easier, they would always have lived like this. 

Once the dinner was done, the brothers spent a good amount of time planning the next part of their journey. Itachi knew shorter paths to the village, the ones that were potentially less dangerous but that had no sign of life on them for miles. They would have to walk throughout the night and for days before they would come across a place to stay. 

Sasuke thought about it. He couldn't risk Itachi's whereabouts being known, yet he couldn't let his brother walk in the barren land where they could not find any place to rest. Itachi needed rest as much as he needed to be safe. 

“It will be alright, Sasuke. I have been through these parts before.”

Before, it was different. He had done many things before that Sasuke would not let Itachi do ever again. 

“I'll figure it out. You should go to sleep,” Sasuke said. 

But Itachi did not go to sleep. While Sasuke still read maps, Itachi remained seated on his futon, looking at his palms. 

“Itachi,” Sasuke said again. “Something is bothering you.”

Itachi took a deep breath. The way his brother had gone quiet all of a sudden wasn't news to Sasuke. However, after spending the entire day smiling and talking, Itachi resorting to the silence did not bode well with him. It only took a moment for him to understand what was going on, what was bothering Itachi. These comfortable rooms for Itachi did not signify peace and comfort. These four walls were the reminders of his past, when he would lock himself in them, waiting for hours before he and Kisame could continue their journey. These four walls would always be the witness to Itachi's sufferings and pain and the guilt that wrenched him even today. Returning to one of the places connected to the unpleasant memories was the stab Itachi would have to take again and again. 

Itachi must have been scared to go to sleep, wake up alone with his nightmares, finding himself alone in the room like he always did in the past. Sasuke swallowed hard. He would not let Itachi feel that way again. He moved towards Itachi and helped him lay down, covering him with the blanket. 

“It's okay,” he said. “You're not alone. If you want to talk, I'm here.”

Itachi shook his head. 

Sasuke smiled gently. He moved his hand to Itachi's forehead and stroked it gently. Itachi closed his eyes. 

“You're tired. I promise I'll be here.” Sasuke leaned down and kissed Itachi's forehead. 

“You remind me of Mother,” Itachi said, eyes still closed. 

Sasuke smiled. He couldn't form any words to say. He choked on his tears when Itachi grasped his hand and held on to it tightly, afraid his brother would disappear when he woke up. Sasuke had no other way than to switch off the light and lay down, not letting go of Itachi's hand. 

Sasuke woke up in the middle of the night to the unrecognisable sounds emitting from somewhere close to him yet so far away. His mind was hazy with sleep, thoughts dispelled all around him, each one splattered into his head like liquid, formless colours he could not catch into hands. His sweaty palm slipped past something, despite his efforts to hold on to it, and panic filled him. His efforts futile, he realised he wasn't holding on to Itachi's palm right now. The nebulous images shaped themselves into a solid room, the nearly-empty surroundings that weren't his own or Itachi's room. 

His eyes then fell on his brother. Itachi was coughing and panting, curled into himself, facing to the other side away from him. The faint moonlight lighted his deathly pale features enough for Sasuke to see the scratch marks on Itachi's wrists and arms, angry red bruises glaring at him. Blood trickled from his wounds.

Alarmed, Sasuke moved towards his brother, gathering him in arms. Itachi struggled and resisted but fell silent when Sasuke did not relent. His brother sobbed when Sasuke held Itachi close to him, not answering any of Sasuke's questions. 

“It's okay.” Sasuke reached out to switch on the light. 

Itachi's head rested on Sasuke's shoulder, hands grasping his little brother's arms that encircled his shivering body. Itachi's heartbeats were loud and his body trembled from the impact of the nightmares he had. 

“It was a nightmare, Itachi,” Sasuke said. 

Itachi instinctively moved even closer to him; a child begging for warmth in the glacial cold of the arctic. 

“Don't go,” Itachi implored. 

“I'm not going anywhere.”

“He was here.”

“Who was here?”

“D - Danzo was here.” Itachi choked. “He tried to.. I couldn't get away.” 

Sasuke felt as if his throat was suddenly stuffed with too much sand. “It was a nightmare. I promise he isn't around anymore. He is dead.” 

Itachi was not convinced. 

“He can never hurt you again. You're now stronger than you were back then. He can't use me to hurt you either.” Sasuke tried to keep his voice steady, which failed when Itachi shuddered again. If he'd deserted the idea of hatred towards Konoha for Itachi's sake, he occasionally felt it bubble inside of him for Itachi's sake. How could Itachi have forgiven the place so easily responsible for his sufferings? He himself could not help but entertain the idea of destroying the world for Itachi, to avenge him and bring the village to justice. The Elders being dead did not mean anything if Itachi was going to suffer like this his entire life. The village, Danzo, and the Third Hokage had reduced his brother's life time by years. How could he not hate that place and the people who lived in ignorance despite flourishing because of what Itachi had been through? 

He understood Itachi's experiences in the inns were limited to the suffocating nightmares of what he'd done and what had happened to him. This was something Sasuke had not taken into account when he'd thought of this journey. To him, it had been a means to bond with his brother and visit the one place he was treated with kindness. Sasuke had been so enamoured with the idea that he hadn't thought Itachi had lived in these inns for years alone while he endured the burden of the crime Konoha had made him commit. And along with it, he had gone through the loneliness and darkness of what Danzo had done to him. It was not surprising to him that Itachi acted the way he did. 

“He always knew how to –” Itachi shuddered in his arms. “I could never win against him.” 

“You were so young back then.”

“No one ever heard whenever I tried to scream. I called Mother and Father. But…” Itachi's voice trailed and a sob wrecked him. His fingers dug into Sasuke's arms, keeping him from going away. 

“He's never coming back. It was only a nightmare, nii-san. You know, he was a coward. When I fought him, he was begging. Initially, he kept saying nonsense, but then he wanted to negotiate. He died many, many times. When that didn't work and he had no other way, he blew himself off. At his core, he was only a coward.” Sasuke stroked Itachi's back in a comforting gesture. “He would never hurt you. You can fight Obito Uchiha, you know? What chance does Danzo have against you?” 

“I always wanted you to come back and end this…” Itachi said, his head sliding slightly down to Sasuke's chest from his shoulder. He did not hear — or did not bother with — Sasuke's speech of Danzo's cowardice. "It was exhausting. Every day was exhausting.”

Sasuke nearly sobbed, masking it remarkably well with a sigh. He moved one of his hands to take the blanket that had slid off of Itachi. But his brother held on to him tightly, refusing to let him go. “It's okay. I'm not going anywhere, I promise.” He gently pried his hand away from Itachi's grasp and covered his brother with the blanket. “You catch colds and fever quickly. It's colder here than it is back home. We need to be careful.”

Itachi did not respond. 

“Did you always catch a cold like this in the past?” 

“No.” Itachi's voice was an inaudible whisper. “When I fell sick, it became a recurring phenomenon.” 

And Itachi hadn't recovered fully yet. It was no wonder that he would catch coughs and colds so frequently. It was as if his body didn't know how not to be sick anymore. 

Itachi remained in Sasuke's arms for a long time like a child finally tucked into the safety and warmth of his home. 

“You should go to sleep, Sasuke,” Itachi said quietly. “You're exhausted, too.”

Tears filled his eyes. “Yes.”

“You don't plan to go to sleep.” Itachi sounded displeased. 

“No.” If it was any other moment, Sasuke would have laughed. Not now when Itachi needed him to stay awake. “You need rest too. We can extend our stay for one more day, so you can get better before we continue? It's not like we have any deadline. We're both retired Shinobi after all.”

Itachi laughed at that, but said nothing else. He slowly lifted the blankets from his side and pulled them over Sasuke so Sasuke too wouldn't feel cold. So, they stayed seated like that for a while until Itachi was asleep. Sasuke held on to his older brother as if he were cradling a tired child, someone who had never rested in his entire existence. When Itachi's heartbeat quietened, he loosened his tight grip on Sasuke but did not let him go. 

After some time, Sasuke shifted a little to place Itachi's head on his lap. This time, his brother did not complain. He whimpered in his sleep, tightening his fingers on his little brother's, but did not protest. Sasuke continued to stroke his forehead, smoothing the creases forming on his forehead when he experienced discomfort in his sleep. When he felt his brother getting agitated in sleep, Sasuke murmured comforting words, letting them reach Itachi so his brother could rest. 

Sasuke had been patient his entire life, but he didn't know he was capable of being so loving and gentle until this moment, where he could offer kind words to his sleeping brother and help him through his nightmares. It was staggering to know and acknowledge that his brother's life depended on him more than his own willingness to live. He had the power to break Itachi. Their roles had been reversed. Once Itachi had used this power to hurt him in hope of making him stronger, which had brought nothing but loneliness and pain to them both. Now, it was upto Sasuke to undo it. He wanted Itachi to know he was more than what he'd done all those years ago. He wanted Itachi to know he was more than the ugly things that happened to him. 

Together, they would sail through this as well. Itachi would never experience a nightmare and be alone again. 

Chapter Text

And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. ~ Sylvia Plath 

Sasuke let Itachi sleep in his lap throughout the remaining hours of the night. He stroked Itachi's forehead, wiped his tears when they left his brother's eyes, as if he was reliving a nightmare, unable to escape. Sasuke hummed a tune from his memory he hadn't in years. He remembered his mother's voice, imitated it, offering his brother the same solace he used to get in his mother's company. The night was quiet and cool, passing through the dimness of the starlight flickering weakly in the distant sky. 

The silver crescent moon was shadowed by the darkening clouds, the shapes melding together to rain down soon. The rumble of the distant thunder aggravated a sleeping Itachi who clasped Sasuke's fingers and settled his head more comfortably in his lap. Sasuke's weary eyes closed momentarily, failing to stay awake when the wind hummed, stars and the moon disappeared, welcoming the rain that soothed his aching heart with the comfortable noise. 

When the night began to fade and the day came up cloaked in the silver raiment of the clouded, freezing sun, bringing more cold than the warmth, Sasuke covered Itachi more carefully with the blanket. The dull daylight assaulted his brother directly from the window Sasuke had left uncovered the night before, threatening to wake Itachi up. Sasuke gently moved aside, placing Itachi's head on the pillow. He pulled the curtains up, letting the room darken once again. The time was late in the morning by now, and when Itachi would wake up, he would need something to eat or drink. Itachi had never slept so late before. It warmed the boy's heart that his brother was allowing himself to rest on the journey. 

Sasuke left a note for Itachi, telling him he'd be around and would return soon. He didn't trust Itachi to not panic in his absence, however, he had to leave and return before Itachi woke up. 

The rain in the wee hours of the morning had removed any semblance of warmth from this place he had experienced the night before. The cold penetrated his flesh, curling around his bones, grasping his flesh with the hands of needles and nails. His feet and hands were cold. Walking at a quicker pace did not help him, for he was besieged by the cold and icy winds from all around him. He did pause when he reached a small counter nearby, avoiding the curious glances of the strangers. This was not new to him. Wherever he went, gazes of both men and women would turn in his direction, unsettling him when the sentiment behind them became more obvious. It was no different. Ignoring the people, he stood in a row, waiting for his turn to fetch coffee, because that's what his brother liked the best. 

It wasn't long before he began to hear the voices, low and hushed, like bees humming in the distance only he could spot. 

“Is that Sasuke?” 

Sasuke froze at the question. Had he been discovered? There was no way someone could spot him here. 

“His name is Sasuke. I doubt he is the Sasuke Uchiha.” Another voice mumbled. 

“Oh.” The speaker of the first voice sounded disappointed. “Uchiha Sasuke saved the world and disappeared. The sign of a true hero.” 

Sasuke sighed. He waited impatiently for the people before him to move. But a man, because of an issue he couldn't grasp from this distance, seemed to have frozen them all in one place. 

“And his brother —” a third voice chimed in. “Can you believe how different they both were?” 

Sasuke fisted his hands. He didn't come here to hear Itachi being insulted again. Maybe he should have given a different name yesterday. He wouldn't be the witness to this conversation if he had. 

“I mean, Sasuke killed Orochimaru. Heard he freed his prisoners too. And he killed Itachi, who was the worst criminal Konoha had ever produced. An Akatsuki who was involved in the worst of the crimes. They destroyed villages.” 

Not my brother, Sasuke wanted to scream. 

“I wonder if Sasuke would be a decorated hero. He deserves it.” 

Everyone involved in the conversation agreed. This was a similar conversation he had heard many months ago on his way to the Land of Iron. Was this how people talked about him and Itachi all the time? 

“Can you believe how it would be if he were really here?” one of the voices spoke with a bubbling excitement. “I wish I could meet him.”

“He's very handsome.”

Sasuke finally moved, the row no longer taking any time to head further. His eyes were closed to hide the Sharingan automatically activated in wake of the extreme rage he felt. When the man on the counter addressed him, Sasuke quietly ordered the coffee, not looking up at him. He didn't know what expression he received in response. 

“Keep the change,” he said hurriedly through the gritting teeth, and handed the man the money. 

A knot tied in his stomach with an unpleasant twist, throwing the bile into his throat. He realised he was crying in front of his room when his hand missed the doorknob because of the tears that blocked his way. He had wanted to tell those people to shut up and not talk ill about his brother, but the consequences of such recklessness had stopped him in his tracks. If he took any action, the people at the inn would know Itachi was alive, and who knew what that would bring them to. He couldn't afford to risk his brother's life and safety, now that Itachi was learning to live. 

He wiped his face and took a deep breath, eliminating all the signs of the lingering sadness on his face. His heart clenched when his eyes fell upon his brother. Itachi was seated on the futon, his knees folded to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs. The imitation of misery he had seen so many times was visible in the way his hands trembled. If he rushed towards his brother, it would surprise Itachi, frightening him even more. He couldn't afford to scare him, not after the nightmare that had terrified his brother so violently a few hours ago. Walking towards Itachi, Sasuke gently sat down next to him.

“Itachi?” 

Itachi was shaking. He tried to control his hiccoughs when Sasuke approached him. The boy untangled Itachi, taking him in an embrace. Itachi's arms came around Sasuke and he clung to his brother as if for his life. 

“It's okay.” He rubbed circles over his brother's back. The visuals of Itachi, so devastated and terrified, slashed his heart. Only if the people who had the heart to talk about his brother the way they did could see him now. Sasuke pulled Itachi even closer, his cold skin warming in his brother's embrace. “Was this another nightmare?” 

Itachi nodded his head. “It felt so real.” His brother's voice was low and shaking. “And when I looked for you, you weren't here.” 

“I'm sorry I wasn't around. I had to get something for you to eat.”

“You weren't here and I thought you were —” 

Sasuke caressed Itachi's back. “I promise I'm not going anywhere.” 

“Mom, Dad, and you —” Itachi paused. “It was.. You came in between.. And the sword… Mom and Dad..” Itachi's words shook before crumbling into a painful silence. 

It was rare to see Itachi addressing their parents as ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’ and his brother had never told him about his nightmares and fears. 

“Was this a common nightmare you used to have?” 

“Yes.” 

“I'm okay. You didn't hurt me. See?” 

Still unconvinced, Itachi reluctantly removed himself from the hug, and looked at Sasuke. He touched Sasuke's hair with a tentative hand. Then he touched his face and shoulder. With a more confident caress, he took Sasuke's hand into his hand, touching his pulse to check if he was alive. “You're.. alive.”

Sasuke gave a teary smile. “See? That was a nightmare. You're experiencing those because you've returned to an inn after a long time and your mind is replaying those painful memories. It happens when you're exposed to something that was associated with your bad memories and fears.”

“Is that how you feel when you see me?”

Sasuke was caught off guard with this question. He fumbled to open his mouth, being too late, because his silence answered Itachi's question for him. Were these reactions (or lack thereof) the reasons Itachi could not forgive himself? 

The small fleeting moments like these were enough to convince Itachi he was the worst thing that had ever happened to Sasuke. These were the moments that told Itachi he would never get the forgiveness from his brother in spite of what Sasuke otherwise said. His words didn't matter as long as his silences and expressions could answer these questions for him, adding guilt to his brother's already heavy conscience. He couldn't lie when Itachi could look inside his soul and search for the answers whether they were said aloud or not. 

“I don't feel that way when I see you.” He looked at his brother. “When you're with me, I remember our childhood. I remember how you heard me and made me feel seen. When I was with you, I didn't have to worry about anything.”

“But you hated me.” This was not said as an accusation, rather a fact that Itachi had known all those years ago. It didn't help remembering the moment that his brother was mourning the death of his friend and had been convinced that Sasuke, too, hated him. 

“No. I was jealous.. I did not hate you. I never —” Sasuke answered. “Please. Please don't think I could ever hate you, Itachi. We talked about it before. Nothing has changed.” He moved to take Itachi into a hug again. “I love you, okay?” 

Itachi gulped against Sasuke's shoulder. That day, when Itachi had expressed his truest feelings, Sasuke had been clueless on how to respond to them. Sasuke loved his brother, it wasn't a hidden fact, but perhaps it would make Itachi panic a little less if he heard from Sasuke's mouth that he was loved. 

“I understand how you feel. What you did is a truth neither you nor I can deny. But I can move past it, because I know you didn't want it.. And then you hurt yourself over this again and again because you thought you deserved the punishment. In your memories, I saw nothing other than fear and regret. How could I ever think you deserve more punishment? Maybe you could have done something else. But you're looking at your past self through the experienced eyes of your current self.” Sasuke sighed. “Are you following me?” 

Itachi nodded on his shoulder. 

“Good. The people responsible for your sufferings are dead. I know it doesn't help everything and it can't fix everything, but know that anyone who knows you, who understands you, does not blame you. That includes me, Lady Tsunade, and the members of Team Taka and Team 7. Do you think so many of us could be wrong about you? Do you think others are going to gain something by being nice to you?”

Itachi shook his head. “No.” 

“See? Doesn't that make sense? They can see you're not what Konoha made you do and feel you were. I can see. Others can see. I know your nightmares make it hard, but you're not what Konoha made you do, okay?” Sasuke's voice had become low and gentle, as if he were trying to convince a child the bruises on his knees were not as bad as the instant pain made him feel. 

He moved to look at Itachi and wiped his teary and sweaty face with the sleeve of his shirt. He then looked at Itachi's arms and wrist, sighing at the bruises from the night before the fresh ones. 

“I'm going to put some ointment on these. I'm not Karin. I can't heal you instantly.” 

Itachi was still in daze and when Sasuke moved away from him, he stopped his brother. “When did you grow up, Otouto?” 

Sasuke offered him a silly, lopsided smile. “I'm getting taller. I had to become a little mature, didn't I? Both of us can't act like kids all the time.” 

“You're telling me I act like a child?” 

Sasuke smiled at the way his brother sounded a little offended. “As you should.” His eyes sparkled. “You certainly should, nii-san.” 

The chihuahua-like grimace disappeared from his face, replaced with an adorable pout, making him look five years younger. 

The coffee Sasuke had brought with him was forgotten. He iced the bruises and applied the ointment on Itachi's wounds to keep them from getting infected. He did not tell Itachi about the conversation he had overheard. Itachi must have read the signs on his face, but he did not press the matter. They were going to stay for the night and would move on in the wee hours of morning the next day. 

Itachi certainly would have been comforted by Sasuke's words in the morning because he slept soundly at night for a long time, although still holding his hand. Later, when Sasuke saw Itachi struggling in his sleep, he sat up and placed his brother's head in his lap again, providing him the comfort Itachi craved but was too determined to not ask. 

And when the morning came they left the inn without making any noise and leaving the signs of their presence. Sasuke, whose most of the short life was spent in the distant hideouts and unfriendly locations without anyone he loved, now revelled in the company of his brother, who was more present with him now than he had been when they started on their journey. 

The green forests, as they walked further, declined, leaving the patches of the foliage unknown to him in their wake. Itachi seemed to know their names and the things they were used for. They spotted snow in some areas and the tantalizing drizzle that wetted them. Itachi sneezed, incredibly annoyed, and agreed to head to a small izakaya as the evening approached, although reluctantly, because Sasuke should not have to enter a place like that with strange and drunk people. 

However, as soon as the man at the bar spotted him, he shook his head. “We don't allow children here.”

Sasuke could have said they were two ninjas travelling to far away land on this route, but it would draw unnecessary attention to them. “My brother is slightly sick. We need some time to rest.”

“Sorry, boy. We can't allow kids here. You and your little brother can go up north and find a place that's suitable for you.” The man was kind enough to offer them a solution for which Sasuke was thankful.

“How long before we reach the destination?” 

“Not much. You walk a little further and you'll see the lights. It's nearly dark.” 

Sasuke nodded and he and Itachi began walking. 

“He thought I was your little brother?” Itachi grumbled. 

“Didn't think that would upset you.” Sasuke laughed. “But you don't look older than me, so it's natural people will assume you're younger than you really are.”

Itachi scoffed. 

Sasuke smiled again at his brother's childishness, suddenly wondering aloud. “Were you always like this?” he asked. When Itachi did not catch the meaning of his words, Sasuke elaborated: “Were you always so carefree like a child? I remember you only living through your missions and coming home late and never bothering with anything.” Never even paying attention to me like you're doing now. He didn't say out loud. 

His brother continued to walk. He remembered Itachi's relationship with their father hadn't been the best. And Itachi never bothered his parents with everything that was typical for the children his age to do. But now, Sasuke saw the child within him surfacing in his presence. 

Sasuke felt a simultaneous sense of joy and dread fill him. The power he held now in his hands terrified him. Itachi must trust him too much to let go of his inhibitions and allow the missing childishness in him for his brother to be the witness of his human side. 

It was a responsibility he was willing to bear for the rest of his life. 

By the time they reached the inn it was nearly dark. They would have to stay for the night before they would continue again tomorrow. Itachi was tired and coughing. He was relieved to have reached a place where they could rest. 

Throughout their journey Itachi had been on his guard, ready to face the threats that came their way in order to hurt Sasuke. But now, as they were in the quietness of a room, his brother looked almost childlike with the furrowed brow and a pout, stating that he was cold. Itachi had always been like a wall - before, he was an obstacle for him to overcome and now, he was the wall that kept Sasuke safe, away from the threats and dangers. 

Obito Uchiha was right when he said that Itachi could smell a threat in the air when it came for him to protect Sasuke. Other than that, Itachi was still in the phase his childhood was ripped away from him and it was as though Sasuke was his guardian. On their way, Itachi would keep an eye on the path and the people, taking the measures so they were not scrutinised. In the safety of the four walls, his brother was a child, who responded to his affection and kindness. Itachi was a child who craved love even if he himself did not realise that. Sasuke noticed it in the way his brother had to be forced to shower or have his meals. Itachi also loved when Sasuke applied ointments on his wounds. 

“You aren't going to do that ever again,” Sasuke said to him sternly. 

“Yeah.” 

“You don't have to keep yourself hurting. If you have nightmares, what do you do?” 

“Wake you up,” Itachi said. “But what I can't —” 

“You still let me know. I'll be here. You must do anything but that.” Sasuke pointed at his scars that had become red due to the cold they had escaped. “Now, let's repeat what we've already decided.”

Itachi's eyes flicked from his arms to Sasuke's eyes. 

“What do you do when you wake up after a nightmare?” 

“I wake you up.”

“What happens if you don't wake me up?” 

“You'll stay awake all night to make sure I don't hurt myself.”

“What happens if I stay awake all night?” 

“You'll be tired.”

“What happens if I'm tired on the journey?” 

“You might fall sick.”

“And what happens if I fall sick?” 

“Otouto, please.” Itachi panicked at the prospect of something bad happening to him if he fell ill. “I don't want to hear this again. I will do what you want me to do.”

“That's good. Let's keep it this way.” Sasuke smiled. “Besides, you need to learn to not worry me all the time.” He wasn't looking at his brother. He sounded selfish. If his selfishness could get Itachi to look after himself, he wouldn't mind blackmailing his brother to do it. After all, Sasuke had been the reason his brother had done everything. Why couldn't he be the reason Itachi would take care of himself too? 

Itachi nodded.

After dinner, they laid down on their futons side by side. Itachi was looking at the window as the clouds-streaked sky became visible in the glow cast by the luminance of the full moon. 

“These places are hostile. People hardly live here.” 

Sasuke acknowledged his words with a quiet nod. He was wondering how they would move past these mountains. And how would Itachi be able to walk the long distances they had to haul from here onwards. However, for now, he too was tired. 

“Even then, they are suspicious of outsiders. They didn't allow us anywhere else.”

“They think I'm your younger brother.” Itachi couldn't do a worse job at hiding his displeasure in his words. “I'm five years older than you.”

Sasuke hardly suppressed an amused smile. “You need to stop being so fixated on that.”

“Three people thought that.”

Sasuke laughed. He had never known his brother to be the one who would hold grudges against someone for the misunderstandings as trivial as these. Itachi had been ill so long that his body had adapted to the habit of being unhealthy. It gave people an impression that he was younger than his real age, and Sasuke, who was clearly healthier than him and now was getting taller too, could easily be mistaken to be the older of two. 

“I guess we need to get into the habit of that.” 

“Maybe we shouldn't leave home ever again.” Itachi frowned. 

“Now, now. That's too much.” Sasuke turned towards his brother. “You don't have to worry about it, brother.”

“Why not?” Itachi's voice was sharp, different from the usual calmness. 

“Because people will assume anything about you. You can't let them do that to you. And —” He sighed, “you're my younger brother isn't the worst thing they can think about you.” 

Itachi was silent. He perhaps understood what Sasuke was trying to say. After a long moment of silence, when Sasuke thought his brother had fallen asleep, he felt Itachi's hand slide into his; cold fingers curled into his own, seeking warmth. It was something Itachi used to do to comfort him as a child, but now, his brother did it to find solace in him. Sasuke tightened his fingers onto his brother's grip, giving him the much-needed comfort. 

“How is it that your hands are always so warm and mine so cold?” Itachi said. 

Sasuke, too, was unnerved by the way his brother's touch felt too dead to him every time he took his hand into his own. Sasuke squeezed his palm, keeping it together until Itachi's hands had warmed. 

“It's not cold anymore.” Sasuke looked at Itachi. “See?” 

“Yeah.”

“Itachi?” Sasuke said again. When Itachi answered him, he continued, “You remember the day Mom and Dad had gone to see Mom's family and you and I were home alone?”

“I could never forget it.” Itachi's voice was low, but had the signs of fondness etched to it. 

“You wanted to tell me something.. I was already falling asleep. When you called my name, I didn't answer. I thought about it all the time.” 

“I wanted to tell you that I'd been looking forward to it for a long time and we could do it again with Mother and Father's permission.”

And that day never came. 

“You could have woken me up.” He would do many things right if he had the chance. 

“It's happening now.” 

The moon was bright again in the sky, free from the gentle and threadbare grasp of the clouds. Sasuke heard his brother's breathing become normal, his fingers loosening their grip on his, becoming instantly cold, death-like as soon as they parted from his. This time it was Sasuke who didn't let go, keeping his brother's palms warm. He looked at Itachi, whose features resembled a child's, and as much as Itachi hated it, Sasuke could see why he was mistaken for someone younger than his age. It was exhilarating to see Itachi being able to rest where he did not worry about the past and the future and the tomorrow because he had someone who could take the responsibility of those things for him. 

Itachi did worry about the future. But he would not subject Sasuke to those feelings. He had come to trust his little brother more than he'd trusted anyone in the past. He knew Sasuke was growing up and had become someone Itachi could trust and rely on. It was terrifying how much faith his brother had put into him that a single mistake could destroy the bond between them that was as delicate as the gossamer. 

A part of Sasuke relished when someone addressed Itachi as his younger brother. It made him feel his brother had the time to be the child again, although Itachi was right to say he was 5 years older than Sasuke. To the boy, it didn't matter. His brother needed to let go and be who he was supposed to be when he was a child. 

In his sleep, Itachi's face twisted to form a grimace. Without saying anything, Sasuke's hand went to his brother's forehead, very gently caressing it, murmuring the words his brother's subconscious state might have picked, because he eased into a comforting after a while. 

The next morning, when Sasuke entered the room, partially afraid to find his brother awake after one of his nightmares, he was pleasantly surprised to see Itachi was still asleep. He found the ache in his heart subdued to a degree it was thoroughly negligible and the physical sensation of cold was more prominent. He set the bags on the table. The imminent sunrise had creased the eastern sky, colouring it red. He felt movements behind him, watching his brother wake up. Itachi slowly moved, rubbing his eyes, curled closer to himself to cease the assault of the cold. He pulled the blanket up to his neck, closed his eyes again, a smile on his lips. 

His eyes opened again, his gaze fixed on Sasuke, and an almost embarrassed look came to him. Sasuke did not find the pain lurking behind the comfort in his brother's eyes. Perhaps their conversations the previous day had eased his brother's anguish tremendously. He smiled at Itachi. 

“We still have some time,” he said. “You can sleep for a little longer.”

Itachi shut his eyes again. Sasuke's heart warmed at the way Itachi allowed himself to rest a little more. 

When Itachi woke up again, the sun was already out. Despite waking up late, he continued to fuss over leaving soon. Sasuke watched his brother, amused, as he readied himself and clicked his tongue at Sasuke for not joining in his panic-fest. When Itachi was finally ready to leave, Sasuke stopped him. 

He took one of the bags he had bought early in the morning and unpacked the contents in it. 

“What is it?” Itachi asked him. 

Sasuke did not answer him. Instead, in a few moments, his brother was covered in three layers of warm clothings, a scarf, and a cap to keep him warm. They were getting to the more arduous parts of their journey where cold would be lethal and civilization would begin to decline with every step they took. Itachi, obviously, was not pleased with the new development. He insisted he'd survived like this in the past and it was not a big deal that Sasuke had to go out of his way to do so much for him. Sasuke would hear none of it. If anything, his brother's stubbornness made him furious and hurt. 

Just because Itachi had lived a certain way for a long time didn't mean he would have to do it in Sasuke's presence as well. If Itachi didn't want him to go back to living his old life, what made him think he would want his brother to live the same painful life he'd lived for years? 

The look on his face, followed by a deadly calm, worked its wonders, because Itachi sighed and shrugged his shoulders. When they began their journey again, Sasuke did not say anything to his brother for a long, long time. He did not want Itachi to think he could get away doing things like that and by not caring about his health. 

At night, they stayed at another inn, and this time, Itachi's nightmare did return, perhaps from the effect of Sasuke's indifference which had lasted a couple of hours after they had left their inn early in the morning. Absorbed in his guilt, Itachi strayed from his promise and did not wake Sasuke up. Sasuke hadn't fallen asleep, and that was how he found Itachi struggling in his sleep. 

Cradling him like a child, Sasuke stroked Itachi's forehead like he had done many times before, while Itachi slept with his head in his little brother's lap. Each caress on his skin was an apology Sasuke had been ashamed to say out loud. He had known he affected everything his brother said and felt, and he had been too reckless this morning to gauge the impact his silence would have. Itachi didn't take it well, directly affecting his sleep and his health. And as a result, he'd nearly gone back to his old way in which he preferred to suffer alone. 

It took a long time for Itachi to go back to sleep this time. He continued to toss and turn, despite Sasuke beside him. 

The next morning, Itachi stayed mostly quiet until Sasuke broke the ice. Even then, his brother refused to speak more than what was necessary. 

“I'm sorry,” Sasuke said. “You know why I… You shouldn't be so stubborn all the time. Let people help you. Let me help you. You don't have to live like you did in the past.” 

Itachi nodded his head. A curt response. 

“I don't want you to think it's all your burden to bear.”

Itachi was still silent, walking on his own. The wind blew softly and the sun was a dull round silhouette hidden behind the grey clouds. Cold gnawed at them, attempting to fill the gap in the interstices formed by the slightly loose clothes. It chafed their skins. For as long as they could see, white fog gleamed before them. Itachi was unwilling to stop even to rest for a while, saying these places couldn't be trusted. They would have to find a safer place than the raw wilderness, which Sasuke believed was impossible in these parts. They had deserted the civilization a long time ago, walking on the snow that had significantly slowed their progress. 

“You always had to go to places like these,” he asked Itachi. 

Itachi took some time to answer. “Only when things became worse. Kisame suggested we should take the barren, uninhabited paths, so there was no threat of getting ambushed.” Sensing the burning questions in Sasuke's eyes, he added, “I always kept my medicines with me. It wasn't about that.”

Sasuke had half a mind to yell at Itachi for being so careless with himself and his health. But they had been past those discussions and repeating the same things would not get them anywhere. It didn't stop the hurt that his brother thought so little of himself that he had been reckless about his life to this degree. Now, instead of frustration, he found sympathy rising in his chest, and he turned around, watching Itachi who was lagging behind.

“Brother,” he said. “We really should take a break. You're in no condition to walk.”

“A little longer. And we'll have somewhere to stay.” 

Sasuke scowled. “If you don't listen to me, I'm going to have to carry you myself on my back.”

“I'm not a child.” Itachi gritted his teeth. 

“Then do me a favor and stop for a while.”

And Itachi did. He was out of breath. The night was dark and cold. A slant of moonlight broke through a tear of cloud, illuminating the space they were resting on. 

Such a wild world. 

If not for the woman who had been kind to his brother, Sasuke would never want Itachi to come to this place. The kindness of the strange woman also reminded him of the kindness of the two boys - Kino and Reishi - who had helped Itachi with the medications which kept his brother alive long enough for Sasuke to save him. But it also filled him with an unpleasantness that he couldn't pinpoint. The closest he got to thinking was because the phase coincided with the bitterness between him and Itachi, and he couldn't bring himself to like anyone whom Itachi had known at that time. 

Yet he knew he did not hate Kisame. He did not hate anyone else Itachi had known. The epiphany of the selfish reasoning behind his indifference towards those boys came to him at the instance he stared at Itachi, who was seated on a rock, leaning against another, his eyes closed. 

He had been envious and jealous of them. They had been there to comfort Itachi while he wasn't. They had known all those years that Itachi loved him, but he didn't. While their reunion had been painful for him, Itachi had been gentle and kind to those boys. 

Why couldn't it have been him? 

He looked away. Itachi sensed the shift in his emotions and turned his head towards him. “Sasuke,” he murmured. 

Sasuke looked into his palms, in the lines branching into various directions, white in the cold. He hated the moonlight that fell upon him, revealing the tears shining on his face. The deafening silence shrieked when he failed to hide his sobs. Itachi stood up from his seat and headed towards him. Without saying a word, he took his brother in an embrace. Sasuke found Itachi's presence comforting, more real than anything else in the world, his scent a familiar remedy for all his pains. 

Itachi had a knack at identifying the reasons behind Sasuke's sadness, more so when it was he himself. Sasuke felt Itachi's dilemma when his brother hugged him tightly and simultaneously allowed his detachment to work. He perhaps waited for Sasuke to be mad at him, which never happened. 

“I'm okay.” Sasuke wiped his tears. “I'm sorry.”

“Should we leave?” 

Sasuke nodded. 

The brothers walked quietly. Itachi did not ask him why he had cried all of a sudden. 

“I know you miss your friends,” Itachi said at last. “You must want to see them.”

“That's not why I was –” 

“I know. But Naruto, Kakashi, and Sakura were your closest friends. You would want to see them.”

He did miss them. But if he had Itachi, he wouldn't care about anything anymore. Itachi was his world, his universe. How could he want anyone else if he had his brother? 

“As long as I have you, I don't care about anything else. Even if I miss someone it doesn't change the fact that I'd rather you be with me than anything else.” 

Itachi blinked as he spoke. 

“You're the only family I have. And I love you. I need you to be by my side. Everything else doesn't matter.” 

Itachi walked beside him in a silent meditation. 

“You believe me, don't you?” Sasuke said. 

“Yes.” 

They were drawing closer to where they could hear the signs of life in a small inn. It was late at night and the inn was mostly deserted. The brothers attracted a few glances, which made Itachi grimace and amused Sasuke, to whom none of this was new. Itachi did not notice the fondness in their eyes the way Sasuke saw. To him, they were strangers and could be hostile. Perhaps his brother did notice but did not care. 

They continued for days like this, staying overnight in the inns, occasionally raising suspicions, because Itachi seemed familiar to some people. His brother, however, managed to pull them out of their predicaments, using the tactics he must have done in the past when situations like these arose. 

They were finally nearing the village. Cold and aloof, untouched by the hands of civilization, the place was as ethereal as Sasuke had seen in his brother's memories. 

The evening sky glowed with the endless network of fleecy clouds intertwining together, the sunset colours setting the whitish threads ablaze to form a kaleidoscope very few people had the privilege of witnessing. The surroundings were afire with lurid colours that reflected heavily in the snow-covered land. The setting sun smudged more colours across the western horizon, painted it further with the thick strokes of the red before the sun dipped behind the mountains. And slowly, it grew to be dark. 

There was only one inn in the area. The brothers left their belongings in their room and headed to the temple Sasuke had been excited to see since the beginning of their journey. He did consider the possibility of the woman whom his brother had met being dead, but if he could only visit the place, savour the silence and gentleness of it, carrying its essence with him for the rest of his life, he wouldn't consider it to be a wasted trip. After all, other than seeing this place, Itachi and he had gotten much closer than before. 

He had seen a different side of Itachi no one had ever done. He knew his brother was an excellent Shinobi who wouldn't fail in front of anyone. But now, he also saw how Itachi was capable of becoming vulnerable in a way that wasn't similar to the perpetual brokenness in him. Itachi wanted him to be with him as much as he wanted Itachi to be by his side. In many moments, his brother had laid bare his heart for anyone to see and even trample it, trusting Sasuke to not do that to him. Although Itachi wouldn't mind if Sasuke chose to hurt him too. There was still the hint of darkness in his brother's eyes that craved to suffer for his sins. 

Could he take his brother somewhere else, make him forget the past and help him lead the life he had deserved? If he did so, would Itachi ever forget him too? He didn't know why he was thinking about the things that weren't possible, would never happen anyway. These thoughts deserved to be thrown away and rust in the quietness of his mind, because in no universe would Itachi ever forget him. He had seen this in the past where the only thing Itachi ever remembered was his little brother. 

Itachi would always love Sasuke. There was nothing that could change that. 

“You're lost in thoughts.” The soft voice disturbed his reverie. 

“Yes. I'm thinking about a lot of things.” He held Itachi's gaze. Itachi understood his thought process and looked away. It was so natural for his brother to not be acknowledged in kindness by anyone around him that whenever he was, he convinced himself of not being worthy of those things. 

“Do you want to visit there now?” Itachi said. 

“It's nearly dark.”

“It's always going to be like this here. It always will be this cold.” 

“Are you in a hurry to go home?”

Itachi thought for a moment, then said, as if telling him a secret. “As long as you're with me, I don't need another home.”

Sasuke swallowed. He felt honoured. The weight of Itachi's words wasn't lost on him and neither was the responsibility his brother had endowed him with. He had always known this, but the words coming from Itachi were like the splash of a stone on the surface of a lake, meant to leave an impact. 

To him, it was the same. As long as he had Itachi nothing else mattered. No place was hostile or threatening as long as he had his brother beside him, whether it was the endless rain of the knee-deep snow of an anonymous town where living was sparse. He smiled at his brother in the most heart-warming way, the one that brought a bright smile on Itachi's face as well. 

“We need to leave then,” Itachi said. 

The temple was bathed in the white flakes of snow, gathered carefully on the flat surface of the building. The grey, a little whiter shade of the colour, blended perfectly well in the twilight, rendered distinct by the warm, orange glow from the window of the lone house in the region that lay beyond the gate. The snow on the way was scarred by a pair of feet, leading to the door of the small wooden house. There was someone in there. 

While Sasuke and Itachi observed the surroundings, lost in the mysticism of the landscape, their thoughts were gently interrupted by a click on the door and a creaking sound emanating from it. Their eyes turned towards its source to spot a woman in her early fifties, heading towards them. In the dark outside, it was hard to accurately make out her features, but her aura made Sasuke relax. 

When she stood in front of them, eying both the brothers curiously, she mumbled, “No one comes here so late. Are you two lost?” 

Itachi shook his head. “We came here to see an old woman I met many years ago.” 

“My mother…”

“She was alone that day,” Itachi said, nodding. 

“She mostly lived alone. But I would visit her every now and then. After her passing, I inherited this place.” 

Sasuke felt Itachi stiffen at the news of her passing. 

“But who are you?” she asked. She had not only inherited this house from her mother, but also the kindness that was exclusive to the woman who had lived here before her. 

“My name is Itachi Uchiha. I was a traveller who passed by this town years ago. She had been very generous to me when we met.” 

The sense of recognition came to her face. Instead of her features distorting into those of anger, sympathy spread on them. “Oh, it's you.” She moved further, closer to the boys. “You should come in.” 

“We only wanted to see her...” Itachi's voice faltered. “We should leave now.” He looked at Sasuke. “It's been a long time since we left.”

“Don't be foolish. This is not the time you should be leaving. There will be rain in a while. You two won't make it to the inn even if you hurried.” She was already stepping aside to let them follow her. 

She dragged them both into her house. Inside, the world changed into something entirely different from its appearance on the outside. The cold was just a phantom beyond the threshold of the house, placated by the burning fire. In the minimalistic house, he could not spot anything other than the two rooms, one of which he and Itachi were ushered in, and two ottomans along with a chair in the middle in it. The freezing, deathlike cold took its leave, leaving them warm and a little relaxed when they seated in the warm room. The woman came to them with two cups of hot beverage that tasted sweet. Sasuke offered his own drink to Itachi, considering how much his brother liked sweets and Sasuke didn't. Always the one giving up his own comfort, Itachi never protested against the offers made to him that involved sweets. Sasuke gave him smile, amused at how much Itachi craved sweets. If he could have nothing but sweets, Itachi would never have anything else. 

“You should drink something else,” the woman said, looking at the brothers’ exchange with fondness. 

Sasuke denied. He was warmer now. 

The woman began to tell about her mother, the old woman who had lived here, and whose gentleness had granted her the blessing and the curse of seeing through people's souls. She could see the kindness and generosity and brokenness, and identify the good and the ugly in them. It tormented her more and more, because the kindness of her own heart became her undoing. She came to live in this place, far away from the world, feeling she was a coward, but she stated that seeing people's sufferings and never being able to do something was the greater torture. 

She had seen the Shinobi, the orphans, the tormented souls. Yet she hadn't seen a more broken soul than the child whose eyes bled red and expressions never changed. Seeing Itachi had changed her in a devastating way. She told about him to her daughter, weeping for days that his heart would never be fixed; that he would carry bad luck his entire life. It would be a life lived for others and spent in loneliness. She wept that she would never be able to do something for him. 

She had wanted to help the boy but she couldn't do anything for him. 

Sasuke was silent after the woman had finished her speech. 

“If she saw you, she would have felt the same.” The woman looked at Sasuke. 

“Felt what?” 

“Your sufferings haven't ended. I can feel it.” Her eyes shone. 

“Are you a sensory type?” he asked. 

She smiled faintly. Her eyes reflected the lights burning in the firelight. “You can say that. But we aren't ninjas. We don't have a clan. We don't go to wars. I think sometimes some of us are cursed with the knowledge of being able to see through people. Their lies and their truths. My mother saw through your brother's and I can see through yours. It's not a power that comes from the existence of Chakra. We don't need it.”

“She was the only one who was ever kind to him.” He was silent for a while, unsure to continue. When silence became unbearable, he further said. “When everyone hated my brother.. Even I did...” He looked down at his lap. He could feel his brother's gaze on him. “When everyone hated him, and wanted him dead, she was the only one who showed him some kindness. I wanted to see her and thank her personally, but it turns out, I'm too late.”

“You really are a loving brother, aren't you?” 

Sasuke didn't know what to say. He slipped his fingers into Itachi's, feeling his grip tighten on them. 

“He's the most loving soul one could wish for.” It was Itachi's voice. 

Sasuke felt reverberations in his palm because of the words spoken next to him, and about him. 

“I can see that.” The woman's eyes twinkled. 

“Would you stop embarrassing me now, Itachi?” Sasuke said, his face red. He would never be ready to accept affection, even if it was Itachi saying something about him. 

Itachi smiled at his embarrassment. “Are you happy now, Otouto?” he said. “Should we leave?” 

“Yes.” He stood up. 

“Would you two ever come back here again?” 

The same words were asked to Itachi many years ago and he had denied. 

“We don't know,” Sasuke said, giving a more hopeful answer. “I can never forget this place. Or you and your mother.”

Very few times did Sasuke smile at people who weren't his brother. But to this woman, whose mother had seen through his brother, and she herself who had done the same, he could not help but offer a loving smile and a bow to her. The woman accepted it gracefully, however, the gesture was so foreign to him that even Itachi gaped at him, nonetheless following him and bowing down to the lady. 

The woman requested them to stay for dinner and wait until her children came back, but the brothers politely declined. There had been heavy rain while they were inside the house. It might return again and they needed to be safe at the inn. 

“Thank you for everything.” Sasuke bowed again before leaving with his brother. 

Itachi didn't say anything when they came out of the house and began to walk towards their destination. They walked slowly, feet squelching in the ankle-deep snow that chilled their skins. The silence was comfortable, heightening a sense of ease between them. 

Not a word passed between them, not because they had nothing to say, but because they didn't have to say anything - that was how it was between people who were each other's first memories. 

It was how he and Itachi had always been and it was how they would always be. 

“What will you do when you get home?” Itachi asked. 

Itachi had left himself out again, causing an unpleasant feeling to twist in Sasuke's chest. But he knew Itachi was used to it. Used to not seeing himself as a part of the future in which Sasuke was happy. 

“First, I want both of us to reach home safely.” 

Itachi silently regarded the defiance that came from Sasuke. He understood the meaning behind Sasuke's words and the care with which they were chosen. Sasuke knew that the guilt within his brother had merely taken a slightly different form, but it had not disappeared or even diluted yet. And the boy couldn't keep throwing tantrums every time Itachi said something that came naturally to him, whether Itachi intended it to be that way or not. Rendering Itachi speechless through subtle expressions of affection was far more effective than pushing him further into more guilt. 

His brother was silent for the rest of the journey. The inn was silent but warm and welcoming when they entered the room. Their dinner was quiet, and more enjoyable after they had travelled a long distance. 

“I hope you're happy now.” Itachi looked up at him with a smile. “You've wanted to come here for a long time.”

“I am.” He took a deep breath and exhaled. “How did you manage to live like this with people looking at you as if you were —” He couldn't finish the words. He couldn't bring himself to say the words his brother had heard either yelled at him or in hushed whispers or through the glances aimed at him. “It was..”

Sasuke knew only he was the reason his brother had lived through this. But repetitions of the hate would have been harrowing. Itachi did not answer his question. 

After a long time, he said, “This was the same room in which I'd stayed the last time.”

“How could you tell?” 

Itachi's Sharingan remembered his memories. The understanding dawned on him and Itachi again did not answer this question. 

“This was also the same room in which you first felt the symptoms of your illness.” Sasuke's voice choked. Only if he were with Itachi at that time. 

“I thought it was because of the cold at first. Or I was missing you and Mother and Father so much that it was a natural reaction to not wanting to cry.” Itachi smiled to himself, a small smile heavier with sadness instead of the joy it was supposed to express. “Kisame panicked more than I did that evening. He was somehow certain I would not make it to the morning.”

Sasuke noticed the way his brother's voice dropped a little while mentioning his partner's name. 

“He would have been surprised to see you are alright.”

“And happy.” 

“Happy too.” Sasuke nodded. “You miss him?” 

Itachi remained quiet for a while. “He always addressed me as someone who was respectable and treated me as a child at the same time. Somehow, he knew who I was. But Kisame could never burden me with the knowledge of his discoveries.” 

“I think he's in a better place now.”

“He always had a hope for the future. The future he never got to have.”

Sasuke didn't miss the resentment Itachi's voice harboured only for himself when he spoke about such things. 

“You couldn't have known about his fate.”

“He didn't deserve it.”

Sasuke silently agreed with his brother. Kisame had been kind to Itachi. He was the only one Itachi had when he had nobody else. He thought about their future and the plans he had been thinking about after the meeting returned home. The first thing would be to move away from Orochimaru's dreary hideout and settle somewhere it was easier to live. 

“Hey, Sasuke!” Itachi said, cutting Sasuke's train of thought. “Want to go outside?” 

He looked outside and saw the full moon shining in the sky right over their window. The white luminosity penetrated the translucent glass, the curtains pulled apart, in light bursts. The tendrils of the rain droplets slid down the window, creating the pattern before they evaporated in the night. 

Sasuke immediately agreed and the brothers left their room. The inn was nearly empty and the rest of the occupiers preferred to stay indoors instead of the biting cold outside. 

The air was cold and crisp here. The moonlight, late in the night, reflecting on the snow created the mirage of the dusk late before the dawn. Itachi shivered from the cold and Sasuke was no different. 

“Why did we come here?” Sasuke said, shivering, and gritting his teeth.

He noticed if he were someone else, he might not have been so expressive of his troubles as he was with Itachi. As it turned out, it wasn't only Itachi who had allowed his childlike nature to surface in his presence. He had done that too. 

“It's less tiring here,” Itachi answered, looking at him. “Not suffocating.” 

Sasuke gestured to Itachi to sit down on a bench in the shade protecting them from the freezing in the frost and followed when Itachi did. They shared a comfortable silent moment. Countless thoughts went through his mind but all came to rest when he looked at his brother next to him. 

“Itachi, I'm thinking about something,” he said. 

Itachi looked at him, question visible his eyes. 

“I will be taking the leadership of Otogakure.” 

His brother must have been expecting this, because he did not seem surprised. 

“You are not surprised?” 

“I believed you would do this.”

“How?”

“You're the most suited person for the job. People love you there. They will be happy if you are their leader.”

“Do you think just because you and I don't want wars, the rest of the world would agree with us?” 

“No.” Itachi looked at the moon above them, now partly covered with a thin layer of the cloud. “Some of them will always want wars. They will create the circumstances so the bloodshed always follows the conflict.” 

No one wanted peace in the world more than his brother. Even if he had given up on being a ninja, he hadn't given up wanting to end the conflict. Although, now his brother felt too small and too hopeless to do anything about it. The burdens he had endured had certainly crippled him. 

“Then I will make it happen,” he said. 

“How?” 

“You'll see.”

“It will be hard.”

For you, a thousand times over. He wanted to say. But words could never be enough to express the fire ablaze within him. It was a lofty dream. That didn't mean he couldn't try. He would do his best to make the world as kind as he could. He might have given up on being a ninja, that didn't mean he would give up on Itachi's dreams. He had grown up hearing Naruto scream at the top of his lungs that not going on his word was his ninja way. Sasuke never thought he would ever have a phrase like that he would ever be thinking about, sitting next to his brother. He would create the world of his brother's dreams. A world without violence and bloodshed and tragedies. 

That would be his ninja way. 

Chapter Text

Their return from their travels changed their lives for the better. Itachi's eyes sparkled with an unspeakable joy whenever he saw Sasuke, expressing his happiness with a smile that was now beginning to reach his eyes. He talked more. He even discussed the books he was reading. Sasuke did not make any effort to read the stories that did not interest him and Itachi did not judge him for that. Sasuke realised that his brother had never judged him, it was his own desire to bond with Itachi that had compelled him to read. Now that they were on better terms, he did not need to read the books he did not want. They already had enough topics to discuss and talk about. 

In the evenings when Sasuke was free from the work he had taken for Otogakure, he and Itachi sat together and his brother told him about the way the ninja system worked. The ugly truths and the hidden lies Itachi had discovered as an Akatsuki. There was a kind of supernatural ability in Itachi that gave him the power to predict the way other countries worked and their leaders behaved. It happened far too often that Itachi's predictions about the leaders of the Five Nations were proven to be right. Could his brother travel through time and tell him these things? 

Itachi laughed when Sasuke told him about it, telling him he had spent too long gauging every move of the Kage and their henchmen who were not allowed to work in the daylight. It included Konoha as well. Keeping an eye on both the Akatsuki and the villages was his job. It would be a shame if he didn't already know how everything worked with the world leaders. 

A week after they had returned, Suigetsu wrote to him and told him they could move into a new home that had been built at Sasuke's orders. The building was a large but simple three-storied structure. Since Itachi liked to read and spend the time he wasn't with Sasuke alone, a library was built for him too. Sasuke did not have any demands of his own. He'd wanted a house where he could live with Itachi peacefully. 

It was a house larger than theirs had been in Konoha. Surrounded by the forests and lush greenery their home seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. But moving a little northward revealed the borders of Otogakure and a life separate from his Sasuke and Itachi's. It was a less than an hour's journey from their home to Oto. And exploring the area revealed to Sasuke that they were quite close to the Uchiha hideout, the place where his and Itachi's battle took place a few months ago. Itachi was not bothered about it. That didn't mean Sasuke wasn't unnerved by it. 

“It doesn't mean anything,” Itachi said. 

Sasuke hoped it didn't. Maybe he was overthinking it too much. The place would be immersed in the painful memories for his brother, the loneliness of an entire lifetime and the miseries fraught with blood, sickness and anticipation of death. 

“If you say so,” he answered. 

Itachi loved the new house. He quickly settled in the quietness of the room offered to him, without giving any opinion yet pleasantly enough that it warmed Sasuke's heart. It was obvious his brother preferred their new house to Orochimaru's hideout, because the careful reserve he'd maintained all throughout the previous months was beginning to finally ebb. 

The end of February came with the warmer sun and melted frost. The sunlight had recovered its customary yellowness, burning brighter than it had done in the last several months. Much to their surprise, Juugo and Suigetsu, too, had decided to live in the small houses not too far away from theirs. Karin had chosen to stay in Otogakure near her work place, a new university she had opened. She said she could not afford to waste time on travels and needed more time for her research.  

Their time passed peacefully, although it was evanescent. It was one of the quieter days of early March when the trouble came to him once again. It was the first anniversary of the massacre since he and Itachi had reunited. Sasuke had been worried about it for weeks, for the day was not going to be pleasant for either him or Itachi. After all, he had spent his entire life in training so he could find his closure, to end the one person responsible for all the things he'd endured. He reminded himself that the deaths of Danzo, the Third Hokage, and the other two elders were sufficient for him to not worry about it as much as he did. But their lives were not at the mercy of Konoha. Their memories were ingrained in their souls. How could the day be remotely comfortable for either him or his brother when Itachi's Sharingan remembered all his memories? 

The goal for the day was not to give himself to the grief and make Itachi feel unwanted again. Sasuke had to do this. He would stay by his brother's side. Even if a part of him wanted to drown in pain, he couldn’t allow himself to lose against the tides of his past. 

Itachi always experienced vivid nightmares, as he'd seen in his memories, and leaving him alone even for a moment was out of the question for him. Sasuke was trying to protect himself from his nightmares too, unsure what would happen if he were left with his thoughts and feelings today, especially without his brother. It was a crucial day for them. More than anything, he didn't want Itachi to take the wrong message because of him. They had worked too hard, come this far, and they could not afford to go back and lose everything they had built, even if it was something as gruesome as the day that changed their lives many years ago. 

That day, he decided to stay home with his brother. Itachi would need him that day and the days afterwards before he could be himself again. His brother had been alone all those years wishing Sasuke could end him. He wanted his brother to believe he deserved more than what he'd always believed. And with the anniversary of the tragedy, Itachi was likely to relapse.  

So, he would stay while Karin, along with others, had gone to Otogakure to handle the work. All three of them had suggested staying back with him, but Sasuke was confident that he alone would be able to handle everything on his own. Itachi needed him to be there. 

What Sasuke did not expect was his own relapse. 

It was the late morning, the hour before the morning morphs into the afternoon, and Itachi had chosen to stay in his room. Sasuke stayed by his side, aware that he was the only reason his brother was not slipping into the world of his demons, waiting to devour him. Not used to talking much, Itachi was quiet as usual, occasionally clutching his arms with his hands to ease the tension in his chest. 

“It's okay,” Sasuke murmured. “I'll be back in a moment, okay? I need to get you something to eat.”

Itachi's attention was somewhere else but he heard his brother. 

As soon as he was out of the room he realised he should not have left the room at all. The part of his mind that could see the tricks warned him of it, told him he should go back, and save himself and his brother, but heavy red clouds gathered around him, blotting out the moon and the sky. He breathed deeply, reminding himself he was awake and he needed to go back to Itachi's room. He also remembered what had happened the last time he had allowed his fears to take over his brain. 

Not wanting to repeat the same mistake again and keep himself awake he took his kunai lodged in his satchel. He must stab himself and wake from this nightmare. 

But all of a sudden it was awfully quiet around him. And there were bodies. A severed head fell at his feet. The face looked at him, hollow and frightening. His parents begged for mercy before Itachi's sword pierced through their bodies. And Sasuke was screaming. 

Suddenly, Itachi appeared before him, concern etched all over his face. Was it a concern or had Sasuke imagined it? His brother was too cruel to show him any kindness. Sasuke was familiar with the futility of his pleas, so this time, he opted for screaming at Itachi. 

“You killed them! You killed mom and dad!” He didn't know from where he drew all his strength, but it did make Itachi take a step back, away from him. 

However, when Itachi took a step in his direction again, Sasuke threw the kunai at him to keep him away. It landed right on his shoulder, lacerating his skin. Blood appeared onto his body and coloured his yellow shirt red. 

“Don't you dare come close to me, Itachi!” Sasuke yelled. “How could you do this to them? How could you do this to me?” 

Another kunai flew towards Itachi, stabbing the skin right above his heart. Blood once again stained Itachi's shirt. Sasuke smiled.

“You said I was too worthless to kill. You didn't even want to kill me. I'll do the job for you.” He aimed his knife at his throat, but Itachi was quick to throw it away from Sasuke. 

“Sasuke!” he said. 

His tears blackened his vision. The bodies disappeared, leaving only him and Itachi in a space where he wasn't listening to anyone. His eyes were closed and he was slipping into the world that promised freedom from pain. Was it the end for him? Would he stop suffering now? Could he finally meet his parents? 

Sasuke woke up to find the room dark. Karin sat next to him. Very few times had he seen a look of disapproval for him in her eyes and he did not like the way she looked at him. The smell of blood on his clothes alarmed him. Countless questions swarmed his head. He remembered leaving Itachi's room, feeling the familiar pain, and his brother's face before he had collapsed. His head hurt and his eyes burned with tears. 

“W - what happened?” he asked. “Itachi.. Where's he?” 

Her hard gaze softened and she closed her eyes. “He's fine.”

“You're lying,” he said. How could he be fine when Sasuke had said such things to him? “How could he - when -” 

“He's alright! Don't go see him yet. Give yourself some time, Sasuke.”

“What are you saying?” he asked, suddenly angry. “Why should I not see him?”

Karin narrated to him what had transpired after he fainted. He wouldn't let go of the knife, threatening to kill himself if Itachi did not release him. Itachi, despite Sasuke's threats, held on, not slackening his hold on his little brother. Sasuke had collapsed on the floor, still secure in Itachi's arms, trying to wrench himself out of the hold of the “monster” who had killed everyone he loved. 

That's how she found him, murmuring to Itachi to go away yet not letting him go. And Itachi was seated next to him, still bleeding. 

“I leave you for a few hours and this is how it ends,” she said, chastising, but her voice had no anger in it. “He's going to blame himself if he sees you like this. You should collect yourself before you go to see him. I dressed his wounds. He's fine.”

“Was he hurt?”

“Your intent was obvious, Sasuke,” she answered. 

Sasuke heard her, his mind still focused on Itachi. The panic on his face was clear, because she placed her hand over his. “He's in his room. Give him and yourself some time.”

Sasuke didn't wait. He couldn't rest here, knowing he had perhaps damaged his and Itachi's frangible relationship permanently. How would he look at Itachi and tell him what he'd said to him a couple of weeks ago was a complete lie and that no matter how long the time passed, he would always remind his brother of why his desire to end his life was a right choice; and that no matter how hard he tried, Itachi wanting to stay away from him, separating himself from Sasuke's happy future was a manifestation of what the boy himself had relayed to him?

Despite Karin's verbal protests he left the room and silently stood in front of his brother's. The silence he could almost hear held tangible proof of violence in the fibres of the empty spaces. He opened the door, as if trying not to wake the dead, and entered. 

The evening room was dark and next to the window, on the balcony that overlooked the forest, sat Itachi leaning against the wall. He did not move at the disruption Sasuke's presence caused, nor when Sasuke sat next to him. This moment was no different from the one he had had with Itachi many months ago. Except, this time he saw blood on Itachi's clothes from the wounds he had inflicted upon him. 

Without saying a word, he reached his hand to caress Itachi's hair, trembling when Itachi moved to look at him, eyes bloodshot and dark. A streak of tears gleamed in the dark night, illuminated by the dwindling sunlight. 

“Why are you apologising to me, Sasuke?” Itachi said slowly. 

Startled, Sasuke paused, but smiled sadly. His brother was tired. Just like him. They were both tired of fighting the battles that never seemed to end. 

“I don't want you to think –” He was silent for a while. 

“Think what?” Itachi said. “I wanted you to hate me even after I was gone. I didn't want you to miss your brother who loved you.”

And he'd suffered every day. And now, Sasuke was reminding his brother that his choice previously had been right and death was his only salvation. None of the words spoken to comfort him and efforts made to apologise were enough, because, now Itachi was certain that in spite of what Sasuke outwardly expressed, a part of him would always be trapped into that moment where Itachi had shattered his dreams and broke his heart and trust. 

Sasuke wrapped his arm around Itachi's shoulder and winced when Itachi, too, flinched. He'd forgotten Itachi was hurt. But it wasn't the pain on his shoulder that drew this reaction out of Itachi. Sasuke noticed, when he paid attention to Itachi's hand tucked in his robe, that he was holding a kunai in his hand, the same one Sasuke had hurled at him in the morning. When Sasuke took Itachi's hand into his own, fresh blood trickled out. The boy shut his eyes. Then he looked at Itachi again. 

“Is this what it's come down to again?” He sounded like a father who was angry at his son. “You're going to do this again?” 

Itachi looked away. 

“Look at me, Itachi.” Sasuke's eyes searched for his brother's. “You don't have to – why do you do it all the time?” 

He'd never felt more like a failure before. Despite his pleas, Itachi was a ghost looking at Sasuke, dark eyes and a hollowed heart. 

“I want to be alone, Sasuke,” Itachi said. 

“No, you don't.”

“Please.”

“No, Itachi.”

“Please.”

“If you want to cry, do it in front of me. If you want to scream, do it in front of me. If you want to yell at me, do it in front of me. I'm not leaving you alone. Not this time.”

“Why are you doing all this for me?” Itachi asked. 

“What do you mean?” Sasuke asked. Had Itachi forgotten all the intervening months until this moment? “Do I have to repeat everything I've said? Do you want to hear everything again? Do you –” 

And then it occurred to Sasuke — his brother wanted the assurance all over again from him. 

Why did his brother not understand? Because he was Sasuke's brother. Because he was Sasuke's everything. He could never live without Itachi. Because he had spent his life believing he would never get his brother back. Now, he was beginning to hope finally. 

Even if it was hard at the moment, he knew it would get better in the future. It had gotten much better. In the past, his brother couldn't move more than a few steps, but now, they had travelled to the villages so far away and Itachi could walk on his own. He wasn't sick anymore. He was getting healthier too. 

Sasuke didn't know how not to hurt Itachi again and again and make him feel like he was right about wanting to punish himself. He never wanted to hurt his brother, to make him lose his desire to live. He did not want to live without Itachi. He'd never thought he would live if Itachi wasn't here. He was alive because Itachi was. He lived because Itachi did. 

Sasuke leaned his head against Itachi's shoulder. “You can't think beyond what you've done. But for once, do you believe what I believe? I believe you're the kindest person I've ever known.”

Itachi's eyes fixed on Sasuke, disbelieving his words. 

“I'm not lying, Itachi. You don't realise that, because you never had the chance to express how good of a person you are. Always a Shinobi… Always a ninja.. Torn between the village and the clan.. Wanting to end the conflict because no one else will. If Mom and Dad were here, they'd be proud of you. And Shisui too. You love so much but you don't know how to express it without hurting yourself when you feel guilty. Itachi, I promise you won't have to go through any of this again.”

Itachi looked down at his blood-smeared palms, still wondering what part of him was as lovable as his brother told him. Or how he could be a kind person if all he saw was the blood of his victims and heard the screams of those he'd killed. 

“I –”

“It's okay,” Sasuke said with a smile, his mind attempting to erase the images of a few hours ago. “Let's get you cleaned up.”

“For how long are you going to ignore what I did to you?” Itachi asked when Sasuke helped him rise to his feet. 

Sasuke didn't answer him immediately. Instead, he turned towards his brother and kissed his forehead; a gesture of the gentle affection Itachi did not expect. “It's not about ignoring anything, Itachi. I know and have expected it to be a part of our lives. And I want us to move past this. If you want me to stop suffering, then you'll have to be happy too. There's no other way. I've already told you that.” 

At Sasuke's orders, Itachi was compelled to head to the bathroom and wash himself. Sasuke waited for him and helped him get into newer clothes. He dressed Itachi's wounds, who was quiet throughout the process, observing his brother, without making any noise. Sasuke had not known but from his brother's mannerisms it was evident the day hadn't been kind to him as well. Itachi had taken the hits from kunai on his body as a form of punishment, perhaps thinking he deserved it, and wouldn't even flinch when Sasuke bandaged him on his newer wounds. 

“It's time for dinner,” Sasuke said. 

“I don't feel hungry,” Itachi said. 

“Karin’s home,” Sasuke added. “And you know I can't do anything against her.” As he mentioned her, Karin appeared on the door, her head peaking to look at them. 

“Yep, and neither of you is going to bed without dinner.” She pointed her finger at both of them. 

Sasuke dragged Itachi to have dinner, even if Itachi still continued to murmur he was not hungry. A threatening glare from Karin once again and Itachi headed towards the dining room. Most often, Juugo and Suigetsu, too, came to have dinner with them, if they were not absent due to being away on their missions. Tonight, no one wanted to leave either of the brothers alone. So, when Sasuke and Itachi entered they were met with the quiet, sympathetic smiles of their friends. Dinner was quieter than usual. Sasuke asked about the developments in the missions Lady Tsunade had assigned them and was pleased to hear things were going well. 

Sasuke might have looked normal on the surface, but everyone, even without the powers that only Karin possessed, could see the storm within him. He had been quiet while he tried to eat, doing so only because he wanted Itachi to not feel guilty. Yet, his lack of interest in the meal, the effort it took for him to swallow the food, his trembling fingers, and the voice that tapered off thinking no one was listening gave away the pain he'd tried to hide too long throughout the day. 

Itachi found Sasuke's state unbearable and stood up, having taken as little as of his meal as possible, despite Sasuke's disapproval, and disappeared from their sight. 

Their days afterwards were quiet and detached from one another. Itachi hardly came out of his room, repeating the process similar to how their lives were like when they were children. If Itachi were still working, he would have taken to work and made his visits to home even rarer. 

Pain burned in Sasuke's heart. The sight of Itachi punishing himself and his own hollowness becoming prominent became a disease he could not escape. They were separated by worlds where Itachi's guilty conscience refused to make him whole again. Itachi had already avoided looking into Sasuke's eyes. And now, he hardly looked at him when they were in the same space. 

The more Sasuke became apologetic the more Itachi grew aloof. It was a never ending cycle of suffering, neither he nor Itachi knew how to leave behind. . 

Many days later, one evening, after finishing his work, Sasuke knocked at Itachi's door, meeting with nothing but a troubling silence. A few more repeated knocks, and he heard sounds behind the door. It opened without any other noise and Itachi emerged, looking tired. 

Sasuke entered the room and looked around. The night was still cool and he frowned looking at the open window letting the cool wind in. 

“Did you need something, Sasuke?” Itachi asked. His words were sharp and calculated. 

Sasuke focused his attention on his Itachi again. “Yes. It's important.” He was silent then and spoke after contemplating for a long time. Itachi waited patiently. “I'll be stepping up as the leader of Otogakure soon. There's still some time, though. And that would mean I won't be around much anymore.”

His voice cracked at the admission. He had practised how he would tell Itachi about his life from now on, but it wasn't easy. He wanted his brother to tell him he should stop and give up on the work, so Sasuke would not have to go away. 

“That's okay.” Itachi's low, sad voice reverberated in the room, gutting him. “As long as we can still spend some time together, it's alright.”

Sasuke hugged himself when a chill ran down his spine at those words. He wondered if it was suddenly cold in the room or if the memory his brother's words had triggered twisted something unpleasant in him. He, too, had used similar words as a child, hoping he could grasp the little, fragile threads he and Itachi were holding to keep themselves together. When his gaze met Itachi's, his brother's eyes reflected the pain once he himself had felt in his heart. 

No, he couldn’t do that again. 

“I don't want to do it.” Sasuke looked away from Itachi. “It would be better if I stay here.”

But he had promised himself he would create the world of Itachi's dreams: a world in which no war or violence would ever happen. And children like Itachi were never sacrificed. Was any of it worth it if he couldn't be with Itachi? 

“You don't mean that, Sasuke.” 

“I can't leave you,” Sasuke said. “I would have to go away for days. It might take weeks sometimes before I'd see you again.”

“Who told you that?” 

“That's how you lived, Itachi.”

Itachi shuddered. “That does not mean you'll have to live the same way. You are not bound to anyone. You don't have to answer to anyone. You don't have to be the leader like everyone else.”

“But –”

“No, Sasuke,” Itachi said. “You should find a purpose in life. A goal outside of –” Me. 

“But –” 

“You will have to have a life, Sasuke,” Itachi said. “Your entire life cannot be confined to this house. Besides, there are people who need you to work for them.” 

Ever since the villagers had learned that Sasuke was going to be their leader, the village had obtained a warmer air of expectations. Still, to him, nothing mattered as much as Itachi. He didn't need any goals if Itachi was safe with him. At the same time, he also knew he couldn’t go back on his promise he'd made himself that day. What kind of brother would he be if he couldn't do this much for Itachi? He would work to make the world a better place, so Itachi could live in it. So he could see his dreams getting fulfilled. So that at least one of his brother's dreams would come true. 

Once Sasuke took up the leadership of Otogakure, the ripples were felt in the rest of the Shinobi world. It wasn't as bad as he'd initially expected. Although he had joined Orochimaru, his association with the man was seen as nothing but a case of enmity as a result of which he had killed him. Then, freeing his prisoners, who all stood by Sasuke, further established him as a strong and beloved leader. 

No one questioned whether he had indeed killed Madara Uchiha or not. Everyone was happy to not face an enemy so strong that all of the resources could be exhausted, yet defeating him would be impossible. Even if A, the Fourth Raikage of Kumogakure, and Onoki, the Tsuchikage of Iwagakure, believed they could face Madara, Gaara and Tsunade knew too well they couldn't. 

The news that the man Sasuke had killed was Obito Uchiha was never made public, so Sasuke remained a hero for killing him. Even those who thought he had killed only Obito found it impressive. Someone who could control the Nine Tails must be a strong enemy. Sasuke had done the world a favour by killing him. 

Sasuke did not expect to become the apple of the eye, if that he could be considered, since he was looked up with admiration even among the Kage of the Five Nations, despite belonging to a smaller, politically irrelevant land that had no political power and no influence over the others. Sasuke had expected to grow his influence, become stronger than ever, so people would understand that if they wanted to flame the fires of battles and wars they would to face him first. 

He understood it extremely early in his work that the villages craved violence. If there were solutions to the problems, the Kage would look for ways to further the conflict so they could utilise it to their benefit in the time whenever it suited them. 

Sasuke discussed these matters with Itachi, who was not surprised that that was how most Kage believed the world worked. Apart from Suna and Konoha, the other three villages were still miffed that there were no Chunin exams anymore. Smaller villages, like Ame and Oto, too, had stopped sending their Shinobi to the Chunin exams, which had reduced the strength tremendously, diluting the influence Chunin exams had had since he was a child. 

Itachi offered him solutions on the matters that initially seemed impossible. The more he looked at Itachi's views and solutions the more Sasuke realised his brother was far worthier of holding the seat of a Kage than anyone in the meetings he'd ever met. 

As time passed, their lives took turns to become as Sasuke had expected once he began to work. He now had less time to spend at home and his office became the place he would sometimes even fall asleep, working, until late at night when he would wake up and go home. He would always find Itachi waiting for him. His brother's eyes shone when he saw Sasuke and the boy felt the hint of both pride and sadness in Itachi's gaze. 

After 4 years of working for Otogakure, Sasuke had gained experience in the field, working with the people he liked, he found tolerable, or those he could not stand at all. It was only his now thinning patience that had kept him from tearing their hearts with Chidori. For Itachi's sake, he had to keep himself diffident, so he did not make any enemies and create foes who would try to take advantage of his condition. The admiration springing for him from years ago had disappeared by now. He was often met with revulsion and anger. 

Whenever he was in the meetings and advocating for peace – and he was always the strongest supporter of peace – Itachi's name was always dragged in, to counter how the brother of someone who committed such atrocities against his own kins could not be trusted. The accusations aimed at Itachi devastated him, often resolving the issue with the intervention of a third party. Nobody understood that he was hurt, not angry, when his brother's name was taken with disgust, as if the men and women seated on the thrones as Kage did not have their hands coloured in someone's blood. 

When Sasuke came home, he would go to Itachi, find him in his room, and take him in a tight embrace. His brother understood that he was hurt and guessed the reasons behind his pain with surprising accuracy as well. 

“You should stop letting that bother you, Sasuke,” Itachi said to him. 

Sasuke sniffled. Instead of answering, he let his tears fall. His brother didn't know the kind of things they said about him. The way his name was tainted, associated with the people who had loved killing and destroying the villages. To him, it was even worse when some came to defend him, stating he was better than his brother, for his brother had killed his own kin, while Sasuke had embraced even strangers as his own. 

The boy sobbed in Itachi's embrace. “You don't know all that they say about you!” he said. “I sometimes don't want to..”

“Don't want to do what?”

“I don't want to go and see those people! If I have to face them again, I might as well kill them! I want to go away from here and live somewhere far, far away, where no one has the guts to say anything bad to you.”

“There's no such place in this world, Sasuke,” Itachi answered. “They know who I am. You will always find people with those opinions and sentiments. For how long will you run away from the truth?”

“Just why?” he said, frustrated. “Even people from Konoha do this.” His brother sacrificed everything for those people. 

“This is my reality, Otouto. It will go on for as long as I live. It will go on forever.”

Sasuke looked away from Itachi. It would go on like this until the very end of time. Itachi was doomed to have his name forever tainted and nothing he could do would ever restore his honour. Having worked with the Kage for several years now, Sasuke understood his desire and hopes as a teen were naive that could indeed have turned into more disastrous outcomes had he followed his heart. 

The world leaders were waiting for a spark they could fan so the fires of violence would consume the world, fulfilling their hunger for power and hate. But as long as Sasuke was alive, he would never let that happen. 

As more time passed, Sasuke felt there was an impending issue he must handle, which he had been avoiding for the past five years. He was very much aware of Karin's feelings towards him and in a way he reciprocated them as well. However, his entire life had been devoted to his brother who needed his care more than anyone. How could he think about himself when Itachi's entire existence was tied to him? 

One evening, he went to Karin first instead of heading home, who had been working in her lab. Her surprised eyes averted bashfully from his face, settling somewhere on the other side at his sudden appearance. Sasuke had never known how to not to be direct, which inevitably bled into his conversation with Karin as well when he told her his reasoning and apologised for his conduct. 

“Sasuke,” she said with a smile, “you think too much.”

“You don't hate me?”

“Do you want me to hate you?” 

“No, of course not.”

“Then it's alright, Sasuke. What I feel for you has nothing to do with how you would return. If you never return my feelings, I will understand.” 

But Sasuke didn't miss the wistful look on her face before she turned around, busying herself with her work. 

“You're the most selfless person I've ever known, Sasuke. Whatever decisions you make, I will be happy to accept that.”

He did not understand why anyone would see him that way – selfless and self-assured – when he had struggled with himself for as long as he could remember. He did not want Karin to wait for him.

He did not want her to wait for someone like him whose life began and ended with his brother. His dreams were not his own; they were those that once belonged to Itachi. His life was not his own. It, too, mattered because Itachi had given up his own for him. His freedom and honour weren't his own. All of it was Itachi's. 

How could someone like him, who had nothing of his own, be as lovable as Karin made him feel? Why did she look so assured and determined in what she believed? 

Sasuke could not stop thinking about it for days. It was impossible for Itachi to not notice his plight. And like everyone else, Itachi had been accurate with his assessment here as well. 

“You should talk to Karin. Don't let her go.” 

Sasuke could not fake a surprise at his brother's comment. It was obvious Itachi would know. He'd always known. 

“Don't worry about me,” his brother added further with a smile. 

Sasuke, however, knew what it would mean. He clutched Itachi's hand tightly at the thought. As if thinking about leading a life separate from Itachi's would take his brother away from him. 

“Silly, I'm not going anywhere.” Even Itachi was not convinced with his own words and Sasuke knew that. 

“No.” Sasuke shut his eyes. His brother would be alone without him. How could Sasuke think about himself when Itachi needed him the most? Itachi would need his care for the rest of his life. Despite Itachi maintaining the distance, he needed Sasuke to be with him to live. 

“You can't always be thinking about other people, Sasuke,” Itachi said. 

Itachi thought of himself as 'other people’, as if he did not have his entire life dependent on Sasuke. How could he do it all the time, after all these years? However, Sasuke knew now better than to snap at his brother, fully aware that Itachi didn't do it intentionally or with the intention to hurt him. Even if Sasuke considered himself to be a part of Itachi's soul, Itachi believed he had no right to expect anything from him. He never stopped feeling this no matter how many assurances Sasuke gave him and no matter how much Sasuke comforted him. 

“Taking care of you is —” Sasuke began, but was cut off by Itachi. 

“There will be a time when you'll need someone outside of me, Sasuke. A family and other friends. And you do love Karin. She's willing to give up her life for you. Why should either of you give up anything because of me?” 

“You don't understand, Itachi!” Sasuke said. “You don't get it!” 

“What do I not understand?” Itachi was calm, the complete opposite of his brother's agitation. 

“You don't get it, do you?” he exclaimed. “I won't have any time then. I will have more responsibilities and then you won't have anyone by your side. And it'll be like this forever, and then –” He hadn't forgotten Lady Tsunade's words so long ago. He needed to be beside Itachi all the time. 

“But you will have a family, Sasuke. It would make me really happy if you have a family and people to come home to.” 

“I can't leave you alone, don't you get it?” 

 “I will not be alone.” 

Liar. Itachi also knew what it would mean. 

It was Itachi's affirmation that convinced Sasuke to move towards a future that would slowly take him away from his brother, sometimes without even realising it. Itachi had known he wouldn't be around forever, even if Sasuke would fight the worlds to keep his brother with him. Itachi wanted Sasuke to have people who would stick by his side after Itachi was gone. Karin loved him, and while Sasuke's attention was mostly fixed on his brother, no one had missed the signs that his feelings for Karin went deeper than a teammate or just a friend. 

Sasuke's decision eventually was welcomed by everyone who knew him. Karin, though, questioned if he was indeed happy with the decision or if he had taken it because he felt burdened. He told her the truth. 

After a year of courting, Sasuke and Karin got married in a private ceremony. Naruto, his wife Hinata, Sakura, and Kakashi, along with Lady Tsunade were the only people invited to the wedding. 

His brother was looking forward to the big day with an enthusiasm Sasuke had never seen in him before. For the first time Sasuke saw Itachi excited for the future. He had even selected the dresses for the day. Although it was a private ceremony, the preparations were done keeping all the things in mind and Itachi had been the one to plan out things. He'd stayed awake for late night hours with Juugo to ensure everything was done properly. Sasuke was certain that his brother's words that day were true after all: seeing Sasuke getting married made Itachi happy. 

However, when the time came, Itachi could not attend his little brother's wedding. He was told his presence outside could not have been known, even if arrangements had already been made. Sasuke looked at his brother, feeling the guilt wrench his heart, because it was for the first time in years that his brother wanted something. He had been looking forward to the day, until Juugo suggested why Itachi going out, even if it was among the people who knew of his existence, could be dangerous for everyone. 

Sasuke had angered several people with his ideals of peace, and it would be foolish to let anyone know that Itachi was alive. Furthermore, it was also a matter of the safety of the village and no one was allowed to know that an Akatsuki was still around. 

Sasuke watched the brief hint of joy disappear from his brother's face when he broke the news. Sasuke did not want to go either. Itachi insisted otherwise. After all, in Itachi's eyes, his own worth had never been anything. Sasuke did have Naruto and Sakura and Kakashi. Juugo and Suigetsu were inevitably the part of his inner circle, which reduced Itachi's importance in his life in his most important moment. 

Sasuke felt a lump in his throat when the look on his brother's face told him all this and he hugged Itachi. As old as they had gotten now, nothing between them had changed. He sometimes didn't know if he needed assurances from Itachi or if Itachi needed them from him. 

“Now, go.” Itachi wiped the tears from Sasuke's face. “It will be alright.” 

“But how can I?” 

“It's a big day for you, Sasuke. Don't be silly.”

Sasuke's protests were of little use. The marriage was followed by a week-long vacation, which Sasuke took after Suigetsu and Juugo both convinced him that they would be by Itachi's side and would not leave him alone. 

Having spent years with his brother had calmed Sasuke down, dulled his fears, now that he saw Itachi living an easier and better life with them. Karin had moved in with him since their marriage and had adapted to the lifestyle with him. For them, nothing much had changed. The unwritten rule that Itachi was always going to be more important to him was also accepted without question, although Sasuke couldn't help but repeatedly remind himself that it was unfair to Karin. 

Itachi understood that he was becoming an unintentional third wheel between the pair, so he largely kept to himself, letting Sasuke spend more and more time with his wife. He took care of himself, tried to take his medicines, so Sasuke did not have to be worried about him all the time. 

Karin worked as a professor at the University next to Sasuke's office, which gave them sufficient time to spend with each other. They left for work together and came home together in the evening. Sasuke had always been fond of her, but now, knowing her heart even better, it was impossible not to admire her soul. She had accepted him with his flaws, loving the pieces of him he found unlovable in himself.

She loved Itachi, always looking after him, and returning home early if Sasuke had to stay out for longer hours. 

Sasuke had been afraid that he would not have much time to be with his brother, but Karin had ensured that she became a part of Itachi's family too. Itachi was like a skittish bird, easily afraid, and Karin was always careful with him, leaving Sasuke surprised that the things he found hard to do around Itachi – which always included getting him to take his medicines or finishing his meals – Karin made him do in a heartbeat. 

“You just have to be a little bit scary,” she said, proud of herself. 

“She was scary as your girlfriend. She's even scarier as your wife,” Itachi said to him one evening. 

“It's only because you still act like a baby when you have to take your medicines,” Sasuke answered. “Although, I do see the improvement there.”

Itachi did not answer him. His brother had made it clear again and again that he did not like the medicines, but those doses were necessary for him. Sasuke did not know what skipping them could do. So, at Lady Tsunade's suggestions, he let Itachi have some of them, to keep his immunity strong. 

______

Two years after his marriage when Sasuke and Karin announced that they were expecting their first child, Itachi had been the one to tell him they were going to have twins. Sasuke did not know how his brother knew about this, but a few weeks later, Itachi's prediction was proven right. His mother had told him Itachi had known that he would have a baby brother the day she had told him about her pregnancy. His brother seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to him. Itachi was always right. 

Sasuke didn't know a joy like that could ever exist which came from giving life to someone else, the happiness that came from a part of you coming into existence. He was protective of them even before they were born. 

The excitement often gave way to the doubts and questions, not only to him, but to Karin as well. She once raised this dilemma talking to Itachi, wondering aloud if they would be good parents to their children. 

“Well, you two raised me. How did I turn out?” That was one of the rarest moments when Itachi let his humorous side show. 

“I can say I'm proud of you,” Karin said, smiling. 

Sasuke didn't expect the way his brother's eyes lightened up a little at the praise, affirming his belief further that the child in Itachi never grew up. 

______

Itachi was lonely. He had been lonely for as long as Sasuke remembered. Now, when Sasuke had his own family, his responsibility, which Itachi was happy to see Sasuke have, it didn't escape Sasuke's notice that Itachi had no one by his side for the most part of his life. 

Sasuke yearned to go back to his life where he could be with Itachi and look after him, although he did not regret the presence of his wife and children – Kosuke, his son, and Kasumi, his daughter.

Sasuke spent most of his time at work and when he returned, like a responsible father, he went to check on his children. He and Karin took turns to stay with the children. However, Itachi, who initially had been hesitant in warming up to the children, became like a mother to them in Sasuke and Karin's absence. Many times Sasuke returned home to find his children asleep next to Itachi on the couch. While everyone worked, Itachi handled the chores at home and no matter how much Sasuke and Karin asked him to rest, his brother insisted on making himself useful. 

On the weekends, Sasuke made sure to spend time with his family. Itachi, who never had wanted his little brother to live in his shadow, could never do that to his children. So, while Sasuke was home, Itachi never came into the picture. Sasuke's protests were met with logical explanations from his brother, who was quick to remind him of their pasts and the feeling of inferiority, which Sasuke must never let his children experience. 

Between Itachi and his children, Sasuke must choose his family first. 

Sasuke wasn't blind to Itachi's detachment, his aloofness born from the one moment all those years ago when Sasuke had been too violent in his grief, accusing Itachi of the things he was trying to save Itachi from. Nothing that Sasuke did could ever bridge the gap as if his brother had known all along it was futile. And now, even if Itachi suggested Sasuke chose his family over him, his brother's eyes would brighten when he saw Sasuke spend a moment with him longer. Itachi cherished the moments Sasuke spent with him. 

“You need to know, brother, that you're always going to be my priority.”

“Don't say that, Sasuke,” Itachi answered, almost chastising him. “Your family needs you more than anything.”

Sasuke did have a functional family. Itachi had been his biggest pillar of strength and nothing could change that. Sasuke's inability to lead a normal life could have been fatal had he not had his brother beside him. And Itachi had always been there for him, offering him his love and support, never expecting anything in return. Sasuke didn't know if he had it in him to be so giving when all he'd ever wanted was to be loved and accepted by Itachi. His marriage and children coming along turned him into a different person. What never changed was the child in him who was happy to see his brother next to him every day. 

Neither he nor Itachi wanted his children to know about their past. With a family of his own and Itachi with him, Sasuke understood his brother's desire to not want any more conflicts that could trigger wars. A lone soldier, however, occasionally accompanied by Naruto and Kakashi and Gaara, Sasuke had been successful in establishing peace all over the world. It had been decades since the world saw a war and the people all over the world came to value peace over any form of gruesome conflict which would take their family members away. 

Despite all of this, his brother was lonely. To Itachi, the concept of peace and lack of conflict were a handful of fancy words that had no connection with his reality. In the eyes of the world, Itachi had been dead a long time ago – a traitor and a criminal who was brought to justice by his own little brother. Itachi wanted peace to continue and he was proud of Sasuke. In spite of this, the new peaceful world did not belong to his brother and he did not belong to it. 

Itachi continued to fade. 

Sasuke needed to work long hours, occasionally taking two to three nights in a row away from home. Itachi waited for Sasuke to get home, all through the nights restlessly, until one night he collapsed of exhaustion. Sasuke was summoned immediately. Horrified at the news, although relieved that Itachi was alright when he reached home. 

His older brother had never received a scolding from anyone in his entire life, let alone from his own little brother. That day, for hours Sasuke reprimanded Itachi, holding back his own tears, for being so careless about his life. The fear of losing his brother that Sasuke had nearly deserted came to him hurtling down, mocking him for being too careless, as if reminding him Itachi's time was short in this world. 

Itachi heard his brother, without responding to anything, not even batting an eye in Sasuke's direction. He was tired. 

“Why don't you understand, Itachi?” Sasuke said again and again. “You must –” He sighed. “What should I do?” 

Itachi still did not answer him. 

“I understand you waited for me. But for three nights? Do you realise how important sleep is for you? Do you understand it's not going to help if you're always so careless?” 

Itachi let out a sigh, not looking at Sasuke. 

“I - I had nightmares,” Itachi answered eventually, eyes closed. “They wouldn't stop. I wanted you to be here, so they could go away.” 

The anger from Sasuke's face disappeared immediately, taken over by concern and pain. How could he have forgotten that? Itachi's nightmare had never stopped. 

“Their faces, Sasuke... Mother and Father. They were –” 

Sasuke moved and took Itachi in a hug, marvelling at how small Itachi still was. “Mom and Dad aren't angry, Itachi.”

“Yes.” 

Sasuke noticed the way his brother's voice changed to be a little calmer when Sasuke hugged him. “I promise I'll be here. I promise.” Sasuke kissed Itachi's forehead. “Go to sleep. I'll be here.”

It was then that Itachi closed his eyes, falling asleep immediately. 

Sasuke was now more careful with Itachi. He dropped messages for his brother, requesting him to rest and sleep properly even if he were not home. Sasuke also knew very well that without him being home, Itachi would not rest or sleep. He told himself that he was doing it all for Itachi, but a good part of him also knew that Itachi didn't care about the political world anymore. His world, his entire universe was Sasuke. For Itachi's happiness, Sasuke had to be with him. 

That was one thing he could not do at the moment. Conflict was stirring in the shadowy corners of the world. He had received the word from Kakashi, and was needed, as a representative of the most prominent village emerging as a bastion for peace. He was to head to the Land of Iron for a long summit. 

That evening, when he came home, he went directly to see Itachi before his brother went to sleep.  

“I have to leave tomorrow morning, Itachi,” he said. “It'll be a month long journey.” 

Silence hung too deeply at his words. Itachi sat quietly for a long, long time, immobilized by their weight. He was perhaps processing the news. Perhaps, he was in denial. Perhaps he was simply acknowledging and waiting for Sasuke to continue. 

“Can I help?” his brother asked. 

The hope that his words could help Sasuke so he wouldn't have to leave did cause hurt to seep into his bones. 

He shook his head. “I wish you could. But it's an urgent matter. Naruto and Kakashi are going to be there as well.”

Itachi nodded without saying anything. Sasuke had never been so restless before leaving Itachi alone. Convincing his children of his month-long absence had been easier than breaking this news to Itachi. 

“Something came up. Something is going on in Iwa, it seems. Naruto sent me a message. He wants me there as well.” Sasuke had been an important figure in maintaining the peace and Naruto ensured he was included in all the important decisions regarding the new world order. Itachi's inputs had been of great help all through the years, but there were times Sasuke had to do things his own way. This was one of those occasions. 

“I won't be away for long, nii-san,” he said, uncertain who he was trying to comfort – himself or Itachi. “One month will be over in a moment.. before we know it.”

Sasuke had never been away for so long. His brother found his three or four days long absences painful. One month would be a hard time for especially Itachi. 

“I'm sure it'll be okay, Itachi.” Sasuke squeezed Itachi's hand and smiled at him. 

“Yes.” Itachi's voice trembled with the single word. He gulped and nodded to himself as if preparing for the future he was going to have without Sasuke, albeit for a little while. 

“Can you be good and take care of yourself while I'm away?” 

“Yes.”

“You don't have to stay up for long. Go to sleep on time. Don't stress over things. I'll keep sending the messages. I'll be okay.”

Itachi nodded. 

“Good.” Sasuke stood up. 

“You won't be upset if someone –” Itachi paused but Sasuke knew what he meant. 

“You're asking for too much,” Sasuke said. “If they say something to you, then I can't stay quiet!”

“Sasuke, please,” Itachi said with a sigh. “You don't want any more conflict. You should try to finish the work as soon as possible and come back home.”

He nodded. 

The next morning, Itachi came to say goodbye to Sasuke. Karin and their children had already left for their work and school respectively. 

“You'll take your medicine, promise me.”

Itachi nodded, lips pursed together. 

“If you're only going for a month, then why are you so worried, Otouto?” Itachi asked with a frown. 

“I don't want you to fall sick.”

“I won't.”

“Good.” He began to walk out of the house. “One more thing, Itachi,” he said, looking back again. 

“Yes?” 

“Promise me you'll be okay when I'm away.”

“Of course.” 

“When I come back, you'll be perfectly healthy and fine.” Sasuke didn't know why he wanted his brother to so desperately promise him this. But if Itachi made a promise, he would not have to worry about his brother on his travels. 

“I promise.” 

Little did Sasuke know that Itachi wasn't going to keep his promises this time. 

Chapter Text

Why do fireflies have to die so soon? 

~ Grave of the Fireflies 

Preamble 

For Sasuke, the next several years were an array of blurred incidents. The shapes of the days were liquid and nebulous, shining in front of his eyes. They were the images of lingering fragrance of the staled flower held in the hands for too long. He remembered those years with indescribable anguish, a sharp knife tucked in the beating heart, both incapable of existing without the other. The wind assembled the moments, collecting them into the coalesced memories. They both comforted and tormented him. 

He had never known an existence without pain. How could the rest of his life be any different? 

He'd wanted to fight his fate. He'd wanted to win an impossible battle against Time which had already proven to be a mighty opponent. He wanted to remember those days, the moments, but Sasuke barely had any recollections of the months preceding the fateful moment that inevitably carved a piece of his soul out of him. The moments were dark and icy — black beginning with one day and ending on the other, repeating the pattern over and over again until all he remembered was the endless gloom which coloured his vision. He felt slimy, bony fingers clasping his own so tightly they threatened to snap his bones. The memories assaulted him with the painful vivacity that the effects were seen on him physically.

The years meant nothing to him. No matter how old he was, the child in him always yearned for his brother. He always remembered that past, a different set of memories, vivid and simultaneously dreamlike. Could he have changed something? There were many things he should have done. Most importantly, he should never have let Itachi believe he would never have his brother's forgiveness. At all the occasions that tested him, Sasuke ended up failing over and over until it was too late. 

Karin always did comfort him saying his brother had been happy and he would never want Sasuke to live feeling guilty for the things that were not in control of either of them. Yet, how could he not? Why had his love not been enough? Why was he so weak all the time? He'd seen it coming, but when it happened, the world crumbled all over again. 

His stay in the Land of Iron that year lasted longer than he had expected. One month became two months and then the third month lurked around the corner soon. And soon the fourth month had also ended. He wrote to his family every day. He especially asked everyone to look after Itachi. 

Even if Sasuke did not rule over a powerful village, his strength and powers were crucial on the diplomatic fronts. An Uchiha with a history like his and the desire to maintain peace was required to be present in the room filled with people hungering for violence. When he spoke, he was heard. When he was silent, the ruffles were felt within everyone who trembled with his name. 

His companions, Suigetsu and Juugo, were feared across nations. Juugo was no longer known for his rampages, but for his unwavering loyalty for Sasuke. Suigetsu, too, was not an annoying brat anymore. He commanded respect wherever he went. He had Samehada in his possession, something even Itachi had been pleased to see. 

The more time he spent in the Land of Iron the more Sasuke felt uneasy. He wasn't worried about his children, who had been promised a vacation and the gifts when he returned home. He worried about his brother. He trusted Karin and her abilities, but Sasuke also knew how covert Itachi could be when he tried to hide his sufferings. Living among the strangers further pushed Sasuke in the vale which made him long to come back to Itachi, where his home was. 

No meeting with the world leaders was ever complete without the shades thrown at Itachi, either by those who admired him or those who despised him. Their attempts to comfort, admire, or chastise served the same purpose. 

Now that he was dead against the violent methods to stop the furthering conflict in the world, Itachi was repeatedly used to pull him down. However, his friends stood by his side. Both Juugo and Suigetsu knew how to handle the situation when Sasuke was too hurt and devastated to defend himself or his brother. 

“You're worried about him,” Juugo said to him one cool evening. They sat watching the sunset as the fading sunlight paled and bright colours bloomed on the horizon. 

The snow on the landscape reflected such blinding colours even during the sunset, that Sasuke had to look away. He turned his attention towards his friend, who was standing next to him, staring at him in sympathy. 

“He didn't want me to leave. But I convinced him I would be back before the end of the month.” It had been four months already, and he didn't know how much longer it would take. 

“You can't leave right now either. This would have been over had the Raikage not been the one cooking something behind our backs.”

Sasuke sighed at that. “Yes.” He looked at the sun, the solid red dot behind the trees. “It's impossible to convince him. If we let him loose, who knows what he'll do.”

“He seems particularly displeased with you, Sasuke,” Juugo said. “Do you think he suspects something?” 

It was the Raikage who had been making unpleasant comments on his brother, as if he was trying to provoke Sasuke to do something. If Sasuke fell in his trap, he would have easily removed the biggest obstacle from his path. 

“Even if he does, he can't do anything about it,” Sasuke answered rather nonchalantly. “Itachi is considered –” He swallowed hard before speaking the next words, “— the worst criminal in Konoha. No one would be foolish enough to believe someone with a soft spot for Itachi is getting any support from the village. For once, we know Konoha wouldn't want itself to be dragged in the mess. If someone targets my brother, I'm going to reveal Konoha's secrets. Their Hokage knows about it all too well.”

“It's Naruto, Sasuke,” Juugo said, not pleased with the tone of dismissal he used for his friend. “He cares about you. He would never let you or him go through something that isn't your fault.”

Sasuke nodded, but not caring. Not letting anything happen to Itachi was in the best interest of Konoha, but Sasuke wasn't foolish enough to believe anyone cared about his brother there. Sasuke was always going to be a threat for the village as long as Itachi's safety was concerned. Whether it was Naruto or anyone else, they could not break their promise. Once many years ago a Konoha Hokage had made a promise to Itachi of protecting his little brother; and now, the same promise was made to him of protecting his older brother. 

The setting of the sun brought a fresh chill in the air. Juugo was gone, leaving Sasuke with his thoughts. He closed his eyes. He'd not spent as much time with his brother on their journey as much he'd spent away from him. He was regularly receiving messages from his family. The “Miss you, dad” and “When will you come back?” and “We had to go to school without you!” and Karin writing to him about his brother's condition. Itachi was unhappy, but he wouldn't show it. He had been putting up a brave face, although he felt anxious all the time. Karin could not even find it in herself to be upset over the way Itachi was living. He had been trying hard to do what Sasuke asked him to do. He was being good, so his little brother wouldn't have to worry about him and could focus on his work. 

That was so like his brother. 

Sasuke was relieved when the time to finally leave for home came. Suigetsu and Juugo and he travelled side by side, telling him of the things they would do once they got home. Juugo hated the snow and Suigetsu said he would rather never come here again. Sasuke remembered his brother who loved the snow and had expressed the desire to return to where he could find more snow. 

Sasuke didn't forget to buy the gifts for his children he had promised, smiling to himself at their memory. His friends weren't behind in spoiling them rotten with love. After all, they loved both him and Karin. Suigetsu didn't tease Karin as he used to do when they were teenagers. However, he still managed to get on her nerves with his silly jokes. She would tell him it was because of Sasuke she hadn't committed a murder yet and that she was a healer, meant to heal, not kill people. One day, though, she would make an exception just for Suigetsu. 

The Beginning of the End 

The calm air of his distantly located house soothed his nerves. The sun had already gone down hours ago. There was no moon tonight. A thin trail of cloud appeared, blocking the sheen of the barely-visible stars. His friends accompanied him to his home where they found Kosuke and Kasumi anxiously waiting for their father. Sasuke took them in an embrace, lifting them both up in his arms. They giggled. The light in their eyes at his sight was one of the things that comforted him the most. He'd been terrified of becoming a father once. He remembered his father very well, but he didn't remember the love that was there. Sasuke always wondered if he ever made his family feel that way. Was he a good enough father? Karin had done more than her share of parenting while he was busy with work. Yet there was no resentment or aloofness in their eyes for him. Their eyes brightened whenever they saw him. Itachi always told him he was the best father he could be. 

His brother once sat him down and told him all the things he was doing right. Although Itachi did not lie to him, Sasuke knew Itachi always saw the good in him. 

Sasuke was warmly welcomed in his house. The kind of sounds he'd been unable to make as a child were too common in his home. His children laughed, ran around the house, played together, and expressed they loved him with an ease that he had never known. It was all because of Karin. 

Once he was done, Sasuke looked at Karin, inquiring about his brother. Itachi not being present to welcome him was disconcerting, but his brother would have wanted him to be with his family when he returned. 

“He's in his room.” Karin's worried voice reached him. 

Sasuke's heart beat unpleasantly for once. Itachi had never been the one to be away for so long whenever he returned. He wouldn't even fall asleep if Sasuke were to come home. Itachi was more childlike than his children who showed the semblance of composure in Sasuke's absence. Itachi, on the other hand, remained a child, longing for his younger brother's presence all the time, who found comfort only in his brother's company. 

Sasuke told himself that the reason for Itachi's absence was only him wanting to give Sasuke some time with his children. Even if Itachi wanted Sasuke to be with him, he would give away that comfort for him and his family. 

He headed to Itachi's room, and without waiting to knock at the door, he entered. In the dim light of the room, Itachi was asleep, covered in a soft, warm blanket. He was turned away from Sasuke. Sasuke's eyes watered on their own when he looked at his brother. He sat down next to Itachi. Itachi stirred when the bed dipped after the movement. His brother did not move immediately to look back at him. It took an infinite amount of time for Itachi to acknowledge he wasn't alone in the room. 

“You're back,” he said. He still did not look at Sasuke. 

“I am.” Sasuke nodded. Why did Itachi not look at him? “Brother.. are you alright?” 

Itachi stirred more. It took effort for him to make the smaller, otherwise insignificant movements. When Itachi looked at him squarely, Sasuke saw a streak of tears leaving his brother's eyes. 

“You were crying?” Sasuke asked gently. 

Itachi must have missed him too much that he didn't deny his brother's observations. Itachi hadn't cried many times in his life. So, watching him shed tears because he missed him so much caused a pain to shoot through him. 

He was not too blind to know that his brother looked different from the moment he had last seen him. 

“Itachi,” he said; and his brother sat up, still not looking at Sasuke. “What's wrong?” His pained voice reached his brother who barely moved to register the question. 

In the nearly darkened room Sasuke noticed the thin arms and even thinner wrists as fragile palms caught hold of the blanket, pulling them in. 

“Brother, please,” Sasuke whispered. “You.. nobody told me… why? 

His brother's bones were beginning to erode. His flesh was turning dark blue and purple. His dark eyes looked away from Sasuke's when he tried to hold his gaze. The wretched feeling of despair he had subdued in the last few years returned once again. Sasuke took his brother in a hug, ignoring the tears forming in his own eyes. 

“Was it that bad?” he asked. “Did it get so bad?” 

Itachi sniffled in his arms, affirming what his lips could not answer. 

“Why didn't you tell me?” he said, still not moving away. 

“You didn't have to be disturbed from your work.”

“Work isn't as important as you are, Itachi!” Sasuke cried. “You're –” The grief, the wait, the pain was written all over Itachi's face. His brother had missed him. He'd missed him terribly, as he had. But Sasuke always received messages from Karin, who told him his brother was doing fine. He missed him, which was obvious, but Sasuke hadn't expected Itachi to suffer so much. 

In his embrace, Itachi shuddered. He clung to Sasuke like a child about to be swept away in a storm. 

“Sasuke,” he said, his muffled voice reaching Sasuke quietly. “I don't want to die.”

Sasuke hugged him even tighter in response to those words. 

“Itachi,” Sasuke answered with a shaky breath, pulling away from the hug, “W - why do you think you're –” He had to control his heartbeats. “Did something happen?” 

But Itachi did not answer him. 

“I'm tired,” Itachi said, closing his eyes. 

Itachi had never been so expressive before. Right now, despite his tiredness there was a smile on his face, a relief that came to him because his brother had come home. 

“I understand.” Sasuke covered Itachi in the blanket. He didn't want Itachi to know that he was terrified by his condition. Sasuke convinced himself that if he stayed next to Itachi, nothing would ever go wrong.

Sasuke did not move from Itachi's side throughout the night. Itachi had, on instinct, held Sasuke's hand and did not let him go. 

Karin came to him and saw Itachi sleeping peacefully on the bed, Sasuke seated beside him. 

“Why didn't anyone tell me about his condition?” he asked Karin, words not above a whisper. The initial panic had subsided in his chest, now that he heard the sounds of Itachi's gentle breathing. 

Karin, too, sat close to him on a chair. She eyed Itachi, reflecting a curious sadness in her soft gaze. “He's happy right now,” she said. “He was missing you terribly. But he didn't want to be a hurdle for you. His condition only got bad a couple of days before you got here. Even then, he wanted to meet you healthy.”

Sasuke's misty eyes fell upon his brother again. The paleness of his skin was more evident in the early morning light. The chilliness of the early autumn morning did not help him with the anguish he felt. 

“What was the last time he slept so peacefully?” Sasuke asked. 

“Not since you left. It got worse and worse when you stayed away for long. He didn't want to bother anyone, but he isn't as good at hiding things as he thinks.”

“Will he be okay?” 

“He wants to live for your sake, Sasuke,” Karin said. “He said it himself,” she added when Sasuke looked at her in surprise. “He's happy you're happy. He wants to see you live a life he'd come to believe was impossible for you.”

So, it wasn't because his brother loved his life that he was afraid of dying, but because he was scared if something happened to him, Sasuke wouldn't be able to handle the pain. That his grief would destroy him. 

That was so like Itachi. 

“He thinks I must hate him,” Karin said after a prolonged silence between them. “Does he not consider me his family?” 

“You already know that, Karin,” Sasuke answered. “Why would you think otherwise?”

“Nii-san thinks he takes all of your time and you've had no life outside of him. And he thinks I must hate him for it.”

That, too, was so like his brother. 

Sasuke sighed and looked at Itachi. 

“He's never really warmed up to Kosuke and Kasumi. They love him. But he doesn't let them in. No one other than you has ever been able to breach the barriers he's created.”

“It's just…” Sasuke turned his face to look at her. “It's just that he thinks he's always hurt the people he loves. Mother, father, and I. He doesn't want to do that to you or our children.”

“But he was twelve,” Karin spoke quietly. “He should know no one is going to force him to hurt us against his will.”

Sasuke knew it to be the truth. But that didn't mean Itachi understood it as well. Another long moment of silence passed between them, one that filled Sasuke's thoughts with worry and questions. 

“Sasuke, you've been up all night,” Karin said, gently pulling him out of his reverie. “He'll be up soon. And he wouldn't like seeing you like this.”

Sasuke saw his hand in his brother's, and Itachi's hold on him slackened, as if agreeing with Karin's words. He nodded and rose to his feet. As he stood up, he was surprised to spot a piece of paper buried underneath the stack of books on Itachi's table. He removed the paper, eyes widening in surprise at the drawings presumably Itachi had made. The look Karin gave him confirmed the truth of his discovery. 

There were more drawings. Each connected to a happy moment Sasuke had lived in the last several years. 

Sasuke and Karin return home after getting married. That was similar to the photograph they had captured at the wedding. Another one was Sasuke holding Kosuke, a content smile on his face. The third, and the last one, was Sasuke talking to Suigetsu and Karin sitting by the firelight one winter evening last year. 

In all of these paintings Itachi had left himself out again. Karin noticed this and squeezed his shoulder. 

“Are there more?” he asked.

“He doesn't want to tell me about that. He's been keeping these a secret too. Had it not been for the other day when he collapsed, we wouldn't have known.”

Sasuke's steps faltered when he tried to walk out of the room. It was always like this – they were fighting a losing battle and there was no respite in sight. 

________

Sasuke refused to leave his brother the next day, of the day afterwards. He didn't bring up the bad health or the paintings he'd seen in Itachi's room in the morning. Still, he saw the dark circles under his brother's eyes. He noticed the way his brother walked, taking the short, weak steps. He was more tired than usual. Sasuke checked his temperature, which came out normal. 

It should have been normal. The case of regular tiredness, but there was something that worried him. 

He would never let anything happen to his brother. Itachi himself had said he wanted to live. If Itachi wanted him to be happy, then he would be happy. If his brother's life was entirely dependent on his happiness, then he would live happily. He would have to be more careful from now on. 

The deteriorating health of his brother was no secret to Sasuke, even if he tried to deny it. To make Itachi feel better, he took his brother on walks. Sometimes, his children and Karin accompanied them as well. And sometimes it was Suigetsu. On the rarest of the times, they all – Sasuke and Itachi along with Team Taka – went on the little walks. On those days, Itachi was the happiest. 

Itachi watched Sasuke and his family with a melancholic look on his face. Did Itachi ever wonder about his own life, the one he could have had? Had he loved someone? Sasuke couldn't help but ask. 

“Why do you think so?” his brother asked. 

“Because, I wonder if you did love someone.” 

Itachi shook his head. “There was never enough time for that.” 

“At the Academy?” 

His brother laughed a little. “The boys hated me.”

Sasuke's heart squeezed how easily his brother said those words. 

“They thought I was stealing their girls.”

“But you were a child.”

“Yes.”

Sasuke huffed. “They were stupid.”

Itachi only nodded. He might not think those kids were stupid, but clearly they were stupid to think his brother, of all the people, would steal something from someone. 

______

Their dynamic had changed a long time ago. For years, Sasuke had taken care of his brother like an older brother, a father, and more often than not, a mother. Itachi, too, had taken the role of the younger brother, and sometimes a son, who needed to be loved and taken care of. 

The fact that Itachi was the oldest in the house was not lost on him. So, whenever he could, his brother did his level best to be of use and not burden anyone with his needs. No one was allowed to know Itachi was alive. His children were given extra instructions to never reveal Itachi's name in their friend groups. 

“There are some really, really bad people who want to hurt Uncle Itachi. We don't want that, do we?” Suigetsu said one evening. 

Kasumi shook her head. “Why would anyone hurt Uncle?” Her brows formed a tensed curve. “He's never hurt anyone.”

Suigetsu patted her head. “See? That's why. The world is a bad, bad place.”

“But if someone tries to hurt Uncle, Papa will protect him, won't he?”

Suigetsu smiled. “Of course.”

“Papa is the best!” 

“He is. Now, let's go. We're getting late for school.”

Sasuke watched the scene with a smile. Even if Itachi was aloof with his children, they loved him. This was how it had been for years – not only he, but his brother too had found a loving family who loved him without any judgment. However, his brother, still ridden with immeasurable guilt, never stopped distancing himself from the love he was being given. The only love he reluctantly accepted was the one coming from Sasuke. 

Sometimes, Sasuke felt tired beyond words. Had he been right? Had he done enough? Watching his brother's steps faltering froze him in his place. It had been like this for the last two years. Sasuke felt he was too cowardly to accept anything was wrong with Itachi. 

The part of the problem he did admit was – he hadn't been enough. It must have been his fault. If he had done something differently, perhaps Itachi's condition wouldn't be like this. He began to cough, ignoring the tears in his eyes. His heart pounded violently in his chest. Years of practice to dodge moments like these, and yet when it came to Itachi, nothing worked for him. 

It was the exact moment he realised there was something going on. Something he should not delay. Someone many years ago had said that Itachi could sniff the danger heading towards Sasuke like a dog could. Over the years, Sasuke had adapted to the same habit. He, too, could sense the dangers his brother could be in. 

“You haven't been well for a long time, nii-san,” Sasuke said. “You don't talk much. Not to me either.” 

As expected, Itachi remained silent. 

“I'm scared, Itachi,” Sasuke looked at him. “Every single day I've been afraid that –” 

“That you'll wake up and I won't be around.”

Sasuke shuddered at those dreaded words. He nodded in spite of himself. 

“Nothing will happen to me. I won't leave without you knowing.”

Whatever composure Sasuke had constructed around his fragile heart shattered with those words. Tears came out of his eyes and sobs followed, surprising Itachi. 

“Sasuke, this is our reality,” Itachi said, reaching his hand to touch Sasuke's face. “We've known it since forever. Why are you..?”

“I don't want you to go!” Sasuke yelled. “If you were in my place, would you accept it as easily?” 

The concern in Itachi's eyes suddenly changed to an expression that was devastatingly sad. “Don't say that, Sasuke, please.”

“Then how is it any different for me?” Sasuke said, tired. “I'm scared all the time.”

Itachi took him in a hug like he used to do the months following their battle. Itachi knew his presence soothed Sasuke. His words wouldn't be as effective as the silent gestures of love. 

He hadn't cried in years. Now, Sasuke laid his head on Itachi's shoulder, and let his sorrows be wept in the form of tears. A future they had known was inevitable was moving towards them with the pace Sasuke could not outrun. 

“I don't want to hurt you more.” He heard his brother say. 

Karin found him late in the evening, whispering to him to move because Itachi would need a rest. The lights in the house were off and no one was home.

“Kids are with Suigetsu,” she said. 

Sasuke gently laid Itachi on his bed and stroked his face. Long after Karin had left him, he continued to stare at his brother's face. There was something lacking in those features that were bright with life until the days he had left all those months ago. 

When he returned to his room, Sasuke's knees gave way and he collapsed on the floor. There was no strength left in him. Had he already been defeated? The gentle touch of Karin woke him up and he buried his face in her neck. 

“I'm tired, Karin,” he said. “So tired. He isn't going to be okay.” 

“Sasuke…”

“I'm scared he –” He didn't have the strength to continue his sentence. 

Fading 

Grief descended on him like a rough whiplash of hailstones after a warm sunny day. It was the cold, cloudy morning, in which the sun remained a silvery dot behind the gray clouds. Chill, unlike usually felt in that time of the year, permeated the air. Soon, the day darkened, and it began to drizzle. Everyone other than Sasuke had already left for work. 

It was the day after one of the many anniversaries of the massacre — which were equally harrowing on both the brothers — Itachi woke up with a severe cough. He took it to be flu initially. The cold weather, now warming, and the sudden change in the air often resulted in the cough and fever for Itachi and remained so for weeks. However, this time something was different. 

Itachi began to avoid going on walks. He ate less food. It was only in Sasuke's presence that Itachi chewed a morsel or two, before grumbling and pushing the plate away. Sasuke's requests went unheard. Karin's feigned anger, too, was of no use. 

Sasuke saw how Itachi struggled to move and carry himself around. The momentary display of vulnerability and pain never escaped Sasuke's notice, no matter how much his brother tried to hide it. 

Then one day, Sasuke was away from his brother for half an hour after Juugo had sent a message to him to discuss an important matter. He'd left his brother with the promise of returning soon. His shadow clone, working in the office in his place, could only handle so much. Sasuke was still needed all the time. 

When he returned, it was quiet in Itachi's room. Upon entering, the deadly emptiness of the room greeted him. He scanned the room, shivering when his gaze landed on the passive figure of his brother. 

Itachi was lying unconscious on the floor. 

Sasuke took him in his arms, and Itachi whimpered, letting out a pained sigh, but drew himself closer in Sasuke's embrace. Sasuke had never known fear like this one. His own heart thundered in his chest. Sweat covered his skin and tears filled his eyes. Itachi lay passively in his arms, breathing too low to, which was the bare minimum to register one's existence. Sasuke's thoughts swarmed with all the unpleasant outcomes. 

However, a few minutes later, when Sasuke collected himself, he gathered his brother in his arms once again, and laid him down on the bed. 

Itachi opened his eyes slightly. “Forgive me, Sasuke.”

“No - no.” Sasuke shook his head profusely. “You should rest. So you'll get better soon. Okay?”

Like a child, Itachi nodded his head. 

It was like a dream, a nightmare, that Sasuke was certain would go away soon. It couldn't be happening. Unfortunately, another shock came the same evening, when Itachi coughed and the blood came out of his mouth. In a few hours, Itachi had lost the shine on his face, and the paleness Sasuke was used to seeing had returned. For several minutes coughs did not stop.

Sasuke was seated next to him. He rubbed Itachi's back and held him close. Itachi's heavy breathing quietened being close to his brother. 

Sasuke had already sent for Lady Tsunade, who had responded that Sakura would be there by the night. Her own health was not good, which made it hard for her to travel long distances. Karin had come home too. Everyone was quiet in the house. A world, dark and gloomy, lurked outside the windows as though it awaited the destruction promised to it. 

As usual, Itachi did his best to play off the bloody coughs as if nothing had happened; as if the blood coming out of his mouth was no big deal. 

“It was probably something..” Itachi whispered. His voice was hoarse and barely reached Sasuke, if not for the quietness around them. 

“I don't want to die.” Sasuke remembered those words spoken so long ago. 

“Itachi…” Sasuke whispered. “Sakura will be here soon. She will help us with this.”

“Don't worry. It won't be a problem. I'm alright.” Itachi smiled. 

He hadn't been there when Lady Tsunade had told Sasuke that Itachi's condition was stable unless blood came out. The moment it did, there was no going back. 

“Yeah, I hope so.”

In spite of his own words, Sasuke knew what it meant. He knew what it would lead to. He wished his children would come and ask Uncle Itachi to go on a walk and Itachi would go with them, as he did all the time. He wished Karin would be able to help his brother more than she had. After all, Itachi had taken her help in the afternoon, her healing bites, but it hadn't changed his condition all that much. 

“It's not the physical wounds that need healing,” Karin said to him. “He hasn't gotten over the killings. Despite his desire to live for you, he's been convinced he deserves not to live for the lives he took. It's always been his memories he couldn't forget. But your presence made his life easier.”

Sasuke replayed the moments they spent together and all the memories they created. There was always a wide gap between them. While he stood at the brink of the mortal world, his brother was always on the other side. He knew if he left, Sasuke would follow him. 

“I'll be fine, Sasuke,” Itachi said to him, breaking the train of his thoughts. 

Sasuke took his brother in a hug. He couldn't help but shed a few tears when he felt his brother's hand reach the back of his head and stroke it in a comforting gesture. As if he had caught a cold and needed to be put to sleep. 

It was late in the night when Sakura arrived. It was still raining. 

“Where's Itachi?” she asked. 

Itachi had fallen asleep a long time ago. There had been no cough or blood, but it had left everyone unnerved. When Sakura checked him, her face scrunched, revealing the lines of worry. 

“Can I talk to Karin? Alone?” 

Karin had been monitoring Itachi's condition for years and was well acquainted with him. Sakura surely had a lot she could get from her on Itachi's health. As a result, Sakura and Karin spent a long time talking, while Sasuke remained by his brother's side. Itachi woke up several times, groaning in pain, until Sasuke ran a soothing hand on his forehead.

After a long time, Karin and Sakura entered the room again, solemn expressions on their faces. 

“Sasuke,” Karin said, kneeling before him. She took his hand in hers, gently pressing her fingers into his skin, trying to comfort him. “Please try to understand this, okay?” 

She didn't have to say anything for him to grasp the implied meaning. Her husband's head bowed and his fingers curled, suppressing a pain so intense it was capable of destroying everything in its vicinity. 

The room felt too small to him. He needed to be away from this place, this darkened room, so he could think clearly. He needed to breathe some air so he could think and feel things. He reminded himself it was one of those nightmares, which involved Itachi this time, instead of his parents. It would go away. Karin's voice talking to him was a trick his mind was playing. 

“Sasuke.” She sat on the bed next to him. “Sasuke..” Her fingers pushed the bangs aside from his face. “Sasuke.. We knew it was going to happen… we knew.”

Her voice faded from the front of his mind. He stood up. “Let me go,” he whispered. It had to be a nightmare. It would end in a while, like it always did. 

The cold wind blew around him. The night had darkened, or was it his own inability to see through the night, the vision blurred by his tears? Hot tears trickled down to his face, immediately cooling. He closed his eyes, thrown back into his memories. The harder he closed his eyes, the more prominent memories behind his eyes became. 

Itachi cooked food for him because Mom and Dad were away. 

Itachi carried Sasuke on his back after he hurt his ankle. 

Itachi was seated next to him, reading him a book. 

They were training together. No.. He'd followed his brother on the boar hunting. 

I'm always going to be there for you. Even if it's an obstacle for you to overcome. Even if you do hate me. 

And then, he was sobbing, furiously wiping the tears away. It couldn't be true. If he fell for the weakness it would mean all of this was true. But it wasn't. Itachi was going to be fine. He had to. 

Hearing his cries, Karin came to the balcony, and placed her hand on his shoulder. 

“Sasuke..” she murmured. “You can't go weak at a time like this, please.” 

Her words were of no use. Sasuke was sobbing like a child now. She hugged him, letting his head fall in the crook of her neck and tightened her hold on his waist. His trembling body collapsed, falling to the floor. She sat alongside him, letting him cry. 

The end was nearing. 

Itachi did not have to be told what had happened. He just knew. The next morning when Sasuke entered his room, Itachi was propped up against the pillows. A blanket covered him. He smiled at Sasuke, as if encouraging him to talk. Sasuke had spent the entire night in his brother's room, and had left early in the morning after Karin had stubbornly dragged him to their room to rest. Sasuke did not know what he would say to Itachi. And how. His voice would break and he would have nothing to say. 

“I heard you were awake all night,” Itachi said. 

Sasuke's wet eyes lifted to meet his brother's. He shook his head. I'm okay, he wanted to say, but words were caught somewhere in his mouth. 

“Has Sakura left?” 

Sasuke looked down again and nodded. 

“Where are the kids?”

“They're going to school.” Deep emotions were evident in Sasuke's voice. 

“You should rest as well, Sasuke,” Itachi said. But suddenly a fit of cough seized him. 

Sasuke rose to his feet in hurry, caressing his brother's back, before handing him the glass of water. This time, too, there was blood. Sasuke wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt, ignoring Itachi's protests, and his own tears running down his face. 

“You shouldn't talk too much,” Sasuke said, not looking at Itachi. “You'll get better when you take rest. You'll have to take a lot of medicines, though.” 

His light attempt at humour was rewarded with a pout and a frown from his brother's side. 

“Don't pout,” Sasuke said. “It's good for you.”

“How long, Sasuke?” 

Sasuke gulped. 

“What do you mean?” Sasuke faked ignorance at Itachi's question. 

“Y - you know what I mean.”

“You don't have to think about anything other than getting better right now. So –” 

“Sasuke –” 

He looked away. “6 months,” he answered. “At maximum, a year.” 

The words sounded like a lie to himself. Itachi hadn't lived at all, and now his life was ending. He'd wanted the world to be a better place. But when it happened, he wasn't a part of it anymore. 

The brothers spent the next few months in solitude. Sasuke never left Itachi's side. While Sasuke was next to his brother did Sasuke realise that Itachi had not had any nightmares in a long, long time. They seemed to have stopped on their own. 

“You're always here,” Itachi said to Sasuke one day. “You have a family. This is not fair to them.”

The shadow clone, Sasuke responded. He wasn't ignoring his family. But Itachi – He needed Sasuke the most. Sasuke would not go anywhere when his brother needed him the most. 

Things between him and his family did not always remain how they were supposed to be. His children occasionally complained about his absence from their most crucial moments in life. They wanted him, not his shadow clones. 

Perhaps, it would be better if they didn't have to live with him anymore. It would be much better if they could go somewhere where they weren't tied to him or his sick brother. They didn't have to suffer with him and Itachi. So, one day, he told Karin what had been going on in his mind for weeks. 

“You should leave,” he said. 

“Where?” Karin looked at him from her book. Her eyes squinted when he failed to utter more words. 

“Anywhere, Karin. Take the kids.” Sasuke was surprised at how hollow his words were. Karin would catch his lies instantly. 

“I don’t understand. What are you trying to say?” She knew. She just wanted him to say it. 

“You don't have to be tied up with me. The kids… they're miserable here.”

“So, you're suggesting we take a vacation while nii-san suffers here?” Her words were sharp and they accused him. He was depriving her of a family she had loved. 

“I'm asking you to leave permanently,” he said. “You and the kids.. You don't deserve it.”

“Oh?” she said, keeping the book aside. “What do you think we deserve?” 

His head bowed and he took a deep breath. “Karin,” he murmured. “It's not right. My brother needs me. But it's not fair to you or our children. Before they hate me, it's good they leave.”

“You're being selfish, Sasuke,” Karin said, standing up and coming to face him. “What happens afterwards? When you'd be alone?”

She meant after his brother was no more. He had never thought of a life without Itachi. How could he think of any now? 

Gently, he laid his head on her shoulder. He'd found comfort in her and some reactions came naturally to him. 

“I know you're tired. I can feel it. But if we leave, do you understand how Itachi will feel? He'll think it was his fault. We don't have to make his last days painful, you know?”

Sasuke sobbed at those words. “He can't leave.” 

“If only I had any power to end his guilt, I would have done it a long time ago.” 

_____

Itachi lived up to the promise he'd once made to Sasuke: to live for Sasuke's sake. Six months since that day became a year and that year passed to be the second year. 

Winters, bitter and biting, left and gave way to the calm of summer before it was autumn once again. The cool evenings and pale sunlight were warmly welcomed in the Uchiha household. Itachi spent all his time with Sasuke and Sasuke had never left his brother's side for a moment. Despite his apprehensions, Karin understood him and stood by him when things became hopeless. He was thankful to her for not giving up on him. She continued to look after Itachi and offer him the medical aid he needed. 

It was obvious to everyone that Itachi was in excruciating pain. When he walked, he would start limping. He was out of breath after taking short walks. The coughs were endless, which he tried to hide from everyone. When he coughed blood, Itachi felt pain shoot in his chest and his stomach, alleviating which was always a hard task. 

Despite this, Itachi was calm on the surface. The lines of pain and despair did not appear on his face. If anyone ever saw him, they would not believe he was battling a life threatening illness and living through it. 

Itachi's condition was no better than it had been when he lived alone as an Akatsuki. Except, this time, he had people who stayed by his side, who loved him and cared about him. 

Sasuke watched it all quietly. Walking on the eggshells, he continued to observe everything, until once in a while his strength would give away, and he was left with only blankness and emptiness, the bleak frailty of the moments rapidly passing by him. He had known Itachi didn't have much time, but as his brother lived longer, Sasuke became greedier. How could he accept Itachi just not existing one day? 

He knew one day would come when Itachi wouldn't be around anymore. One day, he would go to Itachi's room and he wouldn't ever return to it. One day when the place, their house itself would forget Itachi. 

The End 

As if the day already predicted his misery, it began cold and cloudy once again. The surroundings were dark, the brightness of the early morning dulled to the minimum even when the sun began to climb high. The wind was cold. It had been many years since their parents had died. And 2 years since Sakura came with the bad news. Itachi had lived, true to his words, the promises, to give Sasuke more time and more happiness, and more moments to cherish. Sometimes, Itachi ended up comforting him instead of it being the other way around. 

Itachi had been coughing all night, and no medicines had any effect on him. Children were asleep in their rooms, whereas Karin, Sasuke, and Juugo stayed by Itachi's side. Sasuke cradled his brother in his arms, handling him with utmost care. Itachi whimpered and winced when he moved a little. Karin wiped his sweaty face. 

“Does it hurt too much?” she asked. 

Itachi had been delirious due to the pain the entire night and did not answer her question. 

His condition became worrisome two weeks ago, when for hours, he did not move or show any signs of recovery anymore He did not recognise anyone either. Yet, for some reason, he knew when Sasuke was around, and held on to his hand tightly. 

The previous night, too, whenever Itachi returned to his senses, he wanted to see Sasuke. 

“I'm here,” Sasuke answered. And Itachi would smile. 

The dim light of the room illuminated his features. 

“Don't leave.” Itachi reached his hand out to touch Sasuke's face. “Sasuke.” 

“Yes,” Sasuke answered. He was having a hard time trying to keep his voice steady. With the way Itachi looked at him and the fragile touch of his hand on his own, Sasuke was certain, if not for Karin and Juugo, he would break down any moment. 

“You're crying.” 

“No. Something got into my eyes. It's nothing.” Sasuke shook his head and wiped his tears. He smiled. “It's just.. It's cold outside.”

Itachi smiled again. “You're tired,” he said. “You should go to sleep.” Saying so, he moved his hand to lift his blanket and shelter Sasuke in the warmth. 

But Sasuke shook his head, both to deny his brother's request of getting rest and to thwart the painful emotions filling him. “I want to stay here with you. And I'm okay.” 

Itachi did not protest and held onto his brother. “Sasuke..” 

“I'm here.”

“You're here,” Itachi mumbled again, as if not remembering Sasuke hadn't left him in days. He did not seem to remember the conversation they'd had a moment ago. 

Since last night itself, Itachi had begun to look much older. It was as if he had lived his entire lifetime in these hours and there was nothing left for him to live. His skin was drawn and punctured, showing the signs of aging people his age did not show. 

“I never left.” Sasuke held his brother closer. He kissed Itachi's forehead. He hoped this expression could protect his brother, save his life, and deceive the moments and make their time together last forever. 

“I feel cold, Sasuke,” Itachi said. It was one of the very few times when his brother had expressed discomfort. 

Sasuke covered Itachi with the blanket so securely that there was no space for the cold to get in. Itachi was quiet for some time, breathing deeply. Occasionally, his hand moved to touch his brother's face, making sure he wasn't hallucinating Sasuke's presence. When he was sure that Sasuke was with him, Itachi smiled again. 

By the noontime, Itachi had lost most of the semblance of living, his consciousness fading in and out of the focus. His only constant was Sasuke. Even when he was deeply asleep, Itachi kept murmuring Sasuke's name. 

Two more days passed and there was no change in Itachi's condition. 

“He's holding on,” Karin said. “He probably doesn't even know. But every time he senses your presence, something in him returns to life.”

Sasuke only heard her words, lifelessly staring at his brother, whose each movement was wrought with immense pain. He wanted to say so much, but nothing came out of his mouth. With each passing moment everything became more distant, more unreal, a world so dissociated from his reality that the pain of the eventual loss had not yet settled on him. 

Whether pain had numbed him or destroyed the part of his brain that could feel those sensations, he didn't know. All he knew was that he needed to be with Itachi, be there with him. If he didn't, he wouldn't know how to survive. 

In his desperation, it didn't occur to him that in those moments his brother was taking his last breaths. It was only a matter of time. A few hours more. 

The sky hadn't seen the rays of the sun in days. The air throbbed with the grief hearts were unable to hold. It was a cold, wet December day, which had been gloomier than Sasuke had ever seen. 

That evening, Karin gently tapped his shoulder. “We need to let kids meet nii-san,” she said. He saw the tears in her eyes and assented. He was feeling light headed, not exactly getting the urgency in her voice. 

He didn't know why she wanted to do it either, but he acquiesced, waking from the haze of his grief. Itachi was sitting. He rested his back against the headrest. Unlike everyone else, he did not feel the cold, and instead, he smiled quietly when he saw his niece and nephew enter the room. They settled on either side of Itachi. Sasuke tried to focus on the conversation, for he wanted to remember this moment, but all he could think of was the way Itachi began to cough when spoke more than a sentence, and had to be given medicine to reduce the pain. 

“Uncle, you'll be fine. I know it,” Kosuke said. He moved up to touch Itachi's cheek. 

“You have to come to our school next week!” Kosumi added, although her words were colored with pain. “You know, we all have to go. We won't leave you behind.”

“I will try,” Itachi answered. He coughed again. 

The children sat with him for a while, not saying anything, until Juugo asked them to go back to their room, because their Uncle needed to rest. The children left, but not without telling Itachi that he would be fine by tomorrow. 

The next was Juugo. Itachi looked tired but he accepted Juugo's kindness with grace. Juugo was gentle, as he always was with people, but with Itachi, he had become gentler over the years. Now, he ran a hand over his brother's forehead, trying to help him bear the pain that they all knew was unbearable. 

“He needs rest.” Juugo looked at Sasuke. “There's not much time left.”

Everything was spinning around Sasuke. Yes, he knew what Juugo meant. There was a reason his children were brought in to see their Uncle one last time. And why Juugo's words sounded like a farewell speech to his brother. Suigetsu was speechless, but with tears in his eyes, he thanked Itachi, grateful that Itachi had been like a brother to him as well. 

Eventually, Karin came. For a few minutes, she was silent, looking at Itachi. Then, she smiled. “You're happy right now.”

Itachi nodded. The feeble smile on his brother's face brought a smile on hers as well. 

Karin pushed the bangs away from Itachi's face. “Do you know how brave you've been all these years?” she said. “It's… You really are the bravest, Itachi.”

His brother smiled slowly. “For.. Sasuke..” The coughing fits didn't take long to return. 

“Shh.. Don't talk. It might hurt.” 

He reached his hand to touch hers. “You never hated me.”

“No, nii-san, I didn't. Why would you think so!” 

“Thank you.”

There was a long silence once again. The night was growing, and with it, the imminent end was drawing nearer. Itachi had, once again, fallen asleep. Nobody wanted to disturb him. Sensing that Sasuke wanted to be alone with Itachi, the others left the room. 

Sasuke watched his brother's face, calm and serene, in the arms of the one he felt most comforted. There was no worry on his face, and it oddly reminded him of the moments many years ago, when Itachi had taken the walk towards him, expecting that to be his end. Itachi's skin was getting increasingly colder. And his breath came out in gasps even if he was asleep. 

With the growing night, the numbness in Sasuke grew further. He caressed Itachi's face. The little movements, the slightest of the twitch were comforting for him, for they meant Itachi was breathing. 

“Sasuke,” he whispered, and moved his head. 

Sasuke shifted a little, and laid Itachi's head in his lap. The smile on Itachi's face was blinding. “Yes.” Sasuke couldn't keep his voice from shaking. 

“T - thank y - you.. For everything.” He started to cough. 

Sasuke immediately rubbed his chest. “It's okay. Don't talk. When you feel better, then –” He knew Itachi would never feel better. 

“N - no.” Itachi sighed. “I wanted you t - to be here with me. I am happy.” He slurred his words. They dragged out of his mouth with difficulty. 

Sasuke smiled in spite of himself. “I'm glad to hear it.” He quickly wiped his tears so he could see Itachi's face. 

“S - Sasuke.. I will meet Mom and Dad soon. They - they will be happy to know you're living a happy life. I will tell them that you've grown to be a good man. Sasuke.” Itachi's eyes shone and a faint smile appeared on his face. But neither of it could hide the pain, which was evident in the way he had to pause to speak every other word. 

“If it hurts this much, then don't talk, nii-san,” Sasuke said, holding his brother closer to him. 

“N - no.” Itachi took a deep breath. “I can talk. I need to say these things.” Even though his voice still lisped, his words were much more coherent now. “I wanted you to be happy. I wish I had more time. I - I'm s- so sorry. I tried.”

“Don't say such things, Itachi. You did your best. And you'll be fine.”

“I failed. But now… you will not give up, Sasuke. Promise me, you will go on.”

“Itachi..”

“Don't do anything stupid when I'm gone.” 

“Yeah.”

“Promise me, Sasuke.” 

“I do promise you.”

Itachi was silent once again. He spoke after a long time. “Sasuke.” His frail fingers made an effort to curl around Sasuke's. “I miss home.” 

“When you get better, I promise we'll go home.” 

“Yes. Sasuke, we'll go home.. Mom and Dad must be waiting for you.” 

Itachi did not remember that Pain had destroyed the village and their home many years ago. To him, their home was safe where nothing bad had happened to them. 

“You said you wanted to go training shuriken… I'm sorry for being busy all the time. When we get home, I promise we'll go.” 

Itachi had perhaps forgotten what had happened to them. He remembered the moments before the massacre, the day they separated, and there was no memory of their lives afterwards. 

Sasuke nodded. Yes, they would. All his brother had to do was get better. Itachi must have always wanted to go back to Konoha, but because of Sasuke's dislike for the place, he never brought it up. Now, he had expressed his desire, unconsciously, to return to their home, where they had lived with their parents. For a moment, he told himself they would do what Itachi wanted to do once his brother would wake from his sleep. He would do everything Itachi wanted, and had never been able to say that before. That was all he could do. 

“I'm tired, Sasuke,” Itachi said again. “So tired. Let me sleep a little. Then I want to go back home. Can you wait that long?” His eyes dropped, then opened, staring expectantly at Sasuke. 

“Yes. I'll wait. You get better. We'll go home together.” Sasuke nodded. 

Itachi smiled. “Thank you.” Itachi's strength had waned. His weak hand grasped Sasuke's and he shifted. “I want to go to that village again. Can we go there too?” The hope and childlike inquisitiveness in Itachi's voice punched Sasuke in the stomach. His brother didn't realise there wouldn't be another day like this. 

“We'll go,” Sasuke answered nonetheless. “We'll do everything you want to do.” 

Itachi's skin was deadly cold. He hadn't coughed for a while. He was doing his best to spend his final moments with Sasuke without making Sasuke worry about him. 

“Sasuke..”

“Yes?”

“Being your brother made me really happy.”

Tears left Sasuke's eyes. For the first time in the evening he had nothing to say to his brother. 

“Sasuke.."

"Yes?"

"I can see Mom. She is here, Sasuke. And Dad is here too.” Itachi looked away from him and raised his hand as if he were touching something in the air that Sasuke could not see. 

“Yeah?” Sasuke said, stroking his forehead. He rubbed his eyes to take a proper look at Itachi. 

“I need to sleep, Sasuke,” Itachi said. “I'm so tired.”

Sasuke nodded. “You do. You'll feel much better after taking some rest.” 

“It's so dark, Sasuke. Will it ever get better?” Itachi's voice was low and barely reached him. Sasuke would have asked him to be quiet if a part of him wasn't certain it was the end. 

“Yes, you're just tired right now. In a while, it will be better.” 

“I feel cold too.” 

Sasuke covered Itachi protectively. “Is it better now?”

“A little.”

Sasuke smiled, stroking Itachi's forehead. “It'll feel better when you wake up.”

He watched Itachi take a deep, shaky breath, as his brother closed his eyes. 

And Itachi never woke up again. 

Chapter Text

Being with you and not being with you is the only way I have to measure time. ~ Jorge Luis Borges

Epilogue: Aishiteiru 

He knew exactly when it had happened. It was a quiet moment, the soft whimper of the pain or a sigh of relief, or perhaps, the sound of a gentle, nearly-inaudible gasp, which marked the end. Itachi's fingers grasped his wrist weakly in an effort to hold onto his little brother, and half-lidded eyes opened to look at him, but they paused midway, never truly opening as was intended. 

He was gone with a small jolt that barely shook anything corporeal. 

Simultaneously, Sasuke felt something inside of him break, shatter into so many pieces that it would be impossible to hold and collect, fixing those bits to make him whole again. He only felt the tingles, the cold and wet sensations of the dead, similar to the earth outside felt when rain picked up harder than ever with the promise of washing the world away in an impossibly gigantic torrent. It was weeping the tears Sasuke was incapable of shedding. 

Itachi's icy-cold fingers, making a last attempt to hold his brother's hand, immediately fell away, lying limply on his side. The half-opened eyes were unseeing. And yet, Sasuke noticed a small hint of a smile. 

Years later, he would remember that Itachi had died with a smile on his face. 

Sasuke did not make any sound. He could not move. He stared at Itachi, blinking away a few tears. Itachi looked serene, calm, and resting as if he were a child, able to close his eyes after a long, tiring day. Sasuke didn't have it in him to disturb his brother. He gently placed Itachi's hand on his chest, comforting him. No one needed more rest than Itachi did. 

Sasuke noticed shuffling of the feet, distracting him from Itachi's state, when Karin entered, almost immediately in the room. 

“Sasuke,” she whispered. Her voice was low and careful. He heard her words shaking. 

“Shh,” Sasuke answered, placing a finger on his lips. “He's asleep.” Sasuke rubbed Itachi's cold hands and murmured, “Are you feeling cold, brother?”

He looked up when he heard the sound of Karin sobbing. 

“Don't cry, Karin,” he said. “He's just asleep.”

She sat beside him, running a hand over Itachi's eyes so they were completely closed now. 

“He was so tired,” he said. “He needed so much rest.” 

“Sasuke..” 

Sasuke looked away from her face. He heard the distant noise of thunder and rain, thrown back into the past when Itachi had killed Obito for him. 

“It's okay. Don't cry. He told me he was tired. He will be fine in a while.” Sasuke stared at her and smiled. “He said he wanted to do so many things. I'll do everything when he wakes up tomorrow.”

Karin shook her head. “Sasuke,” she said with a sigh. Her fingers caressed his face, surprised to find no tears on. “Please.” 

He didn't know why she was so sad. “He's okay.” Sasuke looked at his brother again. “He just needs some rest.”

This time, Karin sobbed harder. 

In a few moments, Juugo and Suigetsu, too, entered the room, sitting down on the floor next to Itachi. They looked at his brother, unable to hide their tears. 

Neither Sasuke nor anyone said a word for a long time. He heard his wife and friends’ quiet sobs. 

The rain fell outside, weeping on his behalf. Sasuke covered Itachi's hand, afraid his brother would catch a cold. 

In this endless moment where these hours crawled, Sasuke sat unmoving next to his brother. He was certain if he stirred he would destroy everything. This peace and comfort. Itachi needed comfort. 

He was seated on the bed, leaning against the headrest, Itachi's head resting on his lap like it did hours ago. Whether the night had darkened or it was early dawn, he didn't know. No one had moved in hours from their place. Suigetsu sat with his head bowed, not looking at any of them. 

Then, eventually, the day dawned cold and miserable. 

“Should we let Naruto know?” Juugo asked. 

Sasuke didn' know what Juugo wanted Naruto to know, but he nodded his head anyway. For hours, he had been stroking Itachi's forehead and hands, comforting him. He thought he felt Itachi smile, but when he looked back again, his face was passive and cold. 

When the day brightened, still heavy with rain, Sasuke requested another blanket to cover Itachi. It was given to him promptly. Meanwhile the others cleaned the next room, so they could lay Itachi down in it. Sasuke sat with Itachi, hating how empty his brother looked. 

Later on, he was asked to dress his brother in the new clothes, for the further proceedings. Sasuke did as he was told. He would dress Itachi in the clothes he had brought only a couple of weeks ago, but Itachi hadn't worn them even once because of how sick he was and had asked him to wait. 

“I'll wear these on a special occasion,” he'd said. 

Now, Sasuke dressed Itachi in those clothes, wishing Itachi wasn't asleep and could hear him say that he looked good. 

Hours had passed when Juugo returned with the message from Konoha: They were sad at the tragedy, but they couldn't make it to Sasuke right now. Naruto, along with Sakura and Kakashi, was not in the village. They couldn't leave without raising the suspicions. Lady Tsunade was in no state to move. Which meant, no one from Konoha was visiting them. 

Sasuke paid this news no mind. He sat beside his brother, caressing his face, worried how cold his skin was and how pale his face had become. Sasuke sat closest to Itachi and when tried to put Itachi's head in his lap, Karin stopped him, gently shaking her head. 

“Why?” he asked, like a lost, clueless child. “This is how he likes to sleep when he's sick.”

“It's alright, Sasuke,” Karin answered. “Let him be like this, okay?” 

He nodded, but stayed back, still close to his brother. 

They had no mourners, no guests to mourn and honour the dead. Everyone stayed by Sasuke, afraid that his reaction wasn't what they were expecting. He did not truly believe yet that he had lost Itachi forever. 

Unlike any other funerals, they could not afford things and people, because they could not afford to let the world know that Itachi Uchiha had died, that he had lived for many years in secrecy and care of his younger brother. Although Sasuke did not care about anything at the moment, the others knew and did care. This fate was no different from what Itachi had thought for himself and had accepted it. 

Everything else that followed was too quiet, too painful for everyone. The lack of the usual funeral rituals wasn't lost on them. There would be no cemetery for Itachi, but a quiet place in the woods, no place to bury his ashes, but another quiet place somewhere in the woods. They hadn't even thought of it yet. 

Sasuke did not react to Itachi's body being lifted and carried. He walked beside them, asking them to be careful. When he was asked to offer his support, he did it without so much as flinching. He fumbled a little when the time to finally bid farewell to Itachi came, but he was quiet and awfully yielding for someone who had been devastated at the prospect of losing his brother. 

There were no polished rituals they had seen at other funerals. It was just the four of them, and Sasuke hadn't been in the state of doing anything other than existing at that moment. Juugo and Suigetsu carried out everything until it was time for the final act. Karin nudged Sasuke, who looked at Itachi once again, now invisible underneath the pile of the wood secured around him. 

Sasuke would only remember the feelings, not the visuals, of this moment, when Itachi's body was slowly consumed by the fires. The flesh he'd held in his arms a day ago slowly melted and charred, and then, it ceased to exist. Instead of his brother there was only a heap of bones and smoke plumes, moving skyward. The rest was the black ash. 

Long after everything was done, Sasuke made no move to leave the place. 

I can't leave Itachi alone. He needs me. 

He wouldn't remember it, but Karin told him afterwards that he'd asked everyone to go away. He'd told them he would never leave Itachi alone. 

Soon after everyone had left, Sasuke felt raindrops fall to the ground. The slow precession of the droplets, descending from the firmament with an insane magnificence, overcame him immediately. He did not know if it was the rain or his tears at this point that wetted his face. When he closed his eyes he saw his brother's smiling face. He wasn't sick and smiled. The emptiness of his eyes was filled with a smile. 

“Itachi.” 

There was no answer. He looked up and let the rain soak him completely. Tears, if he shed any, blended with the rain and spread throughout his skin, becoming one with him. His grief materialised and solidified, a prominent event only the darkened sky witnessed. 

He didn't know he was doing it or why – his body moved on its own – but he placed the wood-logs around the place where Itachi's body was burned. 

Many hours later, he walked home in silence, and when he reached there, Karin greeted him quietly. She handed him a towel and dry clothes, not commenting otherwise on his appearance. When he moved away, ignoring her, she held him by his elbow, firmly relaying him the message that he needed to change before he did anything else. Sasuke complied. He had no energy to argue. 

Sasuke entered Itachi's room in the dry clothes his wife had given him. It was still early evening and the daylight had dulled great deal, but still flooded the room generously. The bedsheets and pillow covers in the room were changed. Sasuke collapsed on the bed without thinking. The place still smelled like Itachi. Not the pain, not the sufferings, but it felt like the calmness and comfort he felt in his brother's presence. It was perhaps because of the same comfort that he found himself closing his eyes and lulled to sleep in no time. 

He woke up to the caresses on his forehead. The sun had gone down and cold chilled him. 

“Sasuke,” Karin said. “It's late. You haven't eaten anything in days. Please eat something?” 

Sasuke hardly moved. “I'm not –”

“No,” she said firmly. “Come on. Everyone's already there.” 

She helped him get to his feet. The effort it took him to get to the dining room was immense and more than any time he ever had. But upon his stubborn wife's insistence, he sat down. The plates were stacked next to him, and to keep himself engaged, Sasuke began to pick them up and place them in front of everyone. One, he placed in front of Suigetsu, the other for Juugo, and the third on his right, he moved to keep for his brother. But his hand stopped midway, garnering everyone's attention as they all froze. 

It was finally settling on him. This pain, the inevitable realization of his loss he had been denying for hours. He shook, controlling his feelings with all his strength, and pursed his lips. 

The images of a few hours were fresh in his mind. He had burned his brother's body with his hands, yet the realization to him came with the empty space next to him where Itachi used to sit. They hadn't had dinner together in more than a week, and this was the first time they were dining together since Itachi's condition had worsened. 

This time, Karin could not stop him when he abruptly stood up, ignoring his children's crestfallen faces, and headed to Itachi's room. The tears he had successfully pushed back finally came forth, and like the rain pouring since this morning, they fell. 

Once again, he collapsed on his brother's bed, clutching the pillow to his heart, wanting to feel that warmth and solace he had found nowhere else. But no matter how much he tried and hoped nothing helped. And he wept. 

He wept. 

The tears had found their outlet and they rivaled the rain outside. The wails he let out were the cries of agony, the strangled noises choking on tears, muffled on the bedsheet. Which gods should he call to so his brother could come back? Which gods should he pray to who would listen to him? 

I don't want to die, Sasuke. 

I miss home. 

I'm always going to be there for you.

His fingers clutched at the hems of the pillow as tightly as they once did around his brother's wrist to keep him from hurting himself. Now, he could not feel the warm flesh or the stickiness of blood that had been prominent on Itachi. It was the hollowness that wasn't too far from Itachi, but there was no Itachi anymore. 

His tears didn't take it long to soak the pillow and the sheet and the cries he was too afraid to let out echoed in the room. He wept bitterly, wishing to drown himself in the solitude of his hurt, where he wasn't away from Itachi, in a world where Itachi's pain was his own and they were, somehow, one soul. That would make sharing Itachi's pain easier. Since when had their souls been different that they had to be away from each other now? 

However, the reality was, he was still stuck in the mortal world, while Itachi had moved on to the realm where Sasuke could never reach, and from where Itachi would never come back. 

He clenched his eyes shut, too tightly, immediately thrown back into the moment that had haunted him forever. He remembered the way he'd torn down Itachi's shirt and thrown it away, so he would never see it again. He had locked Itachi's room and never opened it. Now, there was nothing left of his life in Konoha. It had been destroyed. 

Sasuke shuddered when he felt Karin's familiar fingers stroke his head with a terrifying gentleness. She did not say anything to comfort him, fully aware it was futile, and any words to console her husband would be of no use. Sasuke sobbed, the sound silent against the tear-soaked pillow. 

“He'd wanted to go home,” Sasuke said after a long time when his voice was steady. He did not move. “He wanted to go home and he didn't say anything because I hated that place.”

“No,” Karin answered gently. “He didn't do it because he knew it would be unsafe to go there for you both.”

Because he would always be known as a criminal in the village. Because no one would ever know what he had endured for the village. Because no one would care that he had killed the threat that could destroy the peace everyone had built over the years. Itachi had done a thankless job for the village, and the only time he ever needed someone to be there, no one from Konoha had shown up. 

Itachi might have loved Konoha, but because Sasuke loved his brother so much, he would never love the village. He would never set foot in Konoha again. With Itachi gone, his affiliation with the village had completely disappeared. If he ever had to do something about it, it was only because his brother had loved this place. 

“He wanted to visit that village as well.. But I was always so busy he never asked me to.” Sasuke remembered his brother's last words in which Itachi had expressed his desire to go to the unnamed village. He had spent a happier, healthier time on his journey, while Sasuke had taken care of him, and he of Sasuke. 

“My brother also believed I'd never forgiven him.” His words choked and he struggled to breathe at the realisation. “He always believed I must have hated him.”

Karin's hand on his hair paused at that and he felt her tense. He didn't look up at her to see her reaction that he had said something she didn't have the answers of. Yet, her silence answered him nonetheless. 

What had he been doing all those years? When he had the time he chose to spend it working, thinking he was doing it for Itachi's sake, but now that there was no Itachi, the moments he spent away from his brother building a world of his dreams didn't even matter. It had shattered like a piece of glass. 

Itachi had never spent a moment in his life living for himself. When he had the chance, he had made it a point to right his wrongs and devote the remainder of his making up for it. It has been a punishment for him, a retribution, to live. 

“Sasuke,” Karin said, “you know he loved you. And he was proud of you. It's you who made his life bearable.”

Sasuke sobbed at those words, the comfort she meant to provide were a few broken syllables that wounded him more than they comforted him. She had used similar words countless times before, but now, her sentences used in the past tense meant a different thing. 

Loves had become loved and is had become was. 

He could hardly remember the next days, which turned into weeks without notice, and then into months. His absence was noticed everywhere. Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi visited him a month later, offering their condolences and apologizing for their delayed visit. Instead of Sasuke, Karin attended them, while her husband heard their hollow words filled with half-hearted sympathies, which meant nothing in the wake of what Itachi had endured. 

It didn't mean anything to him anymore. Nobody had cared about Itachi, and now, what did their sympathies mean? 

His children had never seen him like this before. To them, their father had always been a hero who knew how to tackle the problem, whose legends they had heard among their peers, and now, the same man often struggled to breathe. He was struggling to live. 

If not for their mother, their father would not have known what to do with himself. 

Sasuke had to be called several times for him to turn his attention to them. He was always lost in his thoughts, in a world where he wouldn't belong, and anyone in this world barely interested him. 

It was evident to everyone that after Itachi was gone, there was a kind of freedom that hadn't been there before. They were free to go and talk to anyone without fearing the consequences. Nobody took that as a good thing, because protecting Itachi had been their first priority, yet there was a relief that came with Itachi having gone. 

He knew Itachi. He also knew that Itachi believed he was holding them all back and that was why he had always tried to keep to himself without bothering others. 

Weeks later when Sasuke resumed work again, his friends were far more cautious of his brother's name being mentioned in front of Sasuke. And when it did happen, as always, his name was taken with disgrace and hate, to prove a point that the ones with the closest relation to a traitor should never be the ones to talk about peace. Suigetsu intervened, while Juugo ushered him away. 

Sasuke could never get the image of his dying brother out of his mind. Itachi had been so fragile and vulnerable, had made his life a retribution for all the sins, and had left this world quietly, still hoping to keep the peace intact even if this very world despised him. How would they ever know what Itachi had done and endured to talk about him like this? 

“They want to prove you're not fit for the job,” Juugo once said. “They're trying to provoke you so that you're not in their way. You know what happens if you snap. You'll be deemed unworthy. They'll tell you you're not good enough, so your opinions don't matter. Besides, Itachi would never want you to react. Just.. Keep quiet, okay?”

Sasuke looked at him as if he was pleading with him to not keep up his composure. How could he not react if they said all kinds of things about his brother who had wanted peace more than anyone in the world? How could he be fine if Itachi was seen as a criminal? His demise did not change anything for the world. It would continue to live in its eternal ignorance, unaware that the reason they had not witnessed another war was his older brother. 

Perhaps, when Itachi had asked him to not do anything stupid, this is what he'd meant: do not react to the provocative statements of those who despised him. And Sasuke had promised his brother not to be reckless, not to do anything that would have devastating consequences. 

Days after his brother's death, Sasuke dared to touch Itachi's cupboard. He ran a hand over the clothes with the faded colours, because his brother hardly wore anything new, and pressed into them gently. He spotted the medicines that had stopped working on him in his last days. There was nothing else there until Sasuke's eyes spotted what he'd been trying to look for unconsciously. The pieces of art he'd once seen on Itachi's desk were stacked carefully in a corner. Quickly, Sasuke picked them up. 

Itachi was talented, that wasn't news to him, but he'd never known that Itachi could be a talented artist too. However, since Itachi was good at everything he did, Sasuke was not surprised to find the near-perfect depictions of some of the happiest moments in his life. 

He found countless moments trapped within these papers with his friends and children. The way those moments were drawn held something immensely personal in those papers. Yet, he saw the detachment at the same time. He was struck by Itachi's view of him. Even if he had gotten older, the lines marking his age had become deeper, through Itachi's eyes he saw a version of himself that was still childlike and had a boyish innocence, untainted by time and tragedy. 

Sasuke was not certain if he were seeing himself as a 16-year-old or as a 7-year-old in the pieces Itachi had drawn of their travel to the nameless village that year. He didn't look small, but the expressions of pure awe on his face, the small but subtle smile, and the tiny lift of one of the corners of his lips he did when he was happy — there was a gentleness and tenderness to him that Sasuke never saw in himself. It was similar to seeing himself in Itachi's memories, but this time, it was a more vivid picture of how Itachi always saw him. 

Despite the warmth flooding him, as if Itachi knew it would happen if he saw these paintings, Sasuke could not shake the feeling of unease that Itachi did not consider himself to be worthy of being a part of Sasuke's future, his happier moments. 

Karin, though, told him it could also be because he did not want anyone to think he had ever been associated with Itachi. Itachi would never want to do something that could put Sasuke or his family in danger, or could risk his reputation being tarnished. 

“He had memories of you,” Karin said. “He knew you wouldn't be able to get rid of those.” 

When Sasuke went to collect his brother's ashes, Karin accompanied him as well. It was a nameless place, instead of a crematorium, which would have been ideal for anyone who had departed to the other world. But his brother could not be allowed to have this honour. He had been cremated in an open space, in a small clearing, because no one was allowed to suspect what had happened here. Although, he'd overheard Suigetsu talking to Karin that day they wouldn't let the space be deserted like it was before, and would grow flowers, red camellias and lilies, which represented Itachi the best – his love and self-sacrifice. 

Sasuke burst into tears, unable to hide it from his wife, when he collected Itachi's bones and ashes, no longer the flesh and blood he'd loved. This was Itachi, his older brother. He had now turned into these charred nothings that were unrecognizable to anyone. 

He still held those bones in his hands gently, not willing to hurt them, and placed them in the urn with care. Sasuke was weak. So, it was Karin who pulverized the bones, so they could fit into the urn. The bones Sasuke held in his palms were black and the tears he wept wetted it, leaving him to wonder if they would ever return to their original colour. 

Once Sasuke had collected Itachi's ashes, he decided to bury them in the Uchiha hideout. It was the place Itachi had lived, it belonged to Itachi as much as Itachi had belonged to it. 

Itachi's pieces were scattered everywhere. A part of his broken heart was still in Konoha, bits and pieces of his soul were in the Akatsuki hideouts where had lived as a criminal to continue with his persona of an evil, sadistic man, even if he had hated them, and the parts of his body were in that place in the woods he was cremated, whereas the rest of him was in the Uchiha hideout. 

Years later, his children, now all grown up and matured, did ask him about their Uncle, whom they had never really known. They remembered their final moments with him and the sadness, and their father's grief that had never ended, years after he had lost his brother. 

Sasuke and Karin exchanged a glance, wondering how much they could tell their children, if at all. Sasuke knew it would happen one day, and had never been the one to lie, so he told his children the truth. The raw, unfiltered truth of his brother. The Uncle their father loved so much had seen wars and killed people. He had inflicted so much pain to their father that Sasuke still flinched at the memory of that day. 

If Itachi were with him, he would have curled into himself seeing Sasuke like this, refusing to answer anyone. It would take days for Sasuke to bring back the normalcy in their lives. These relapses were common back in the day. 

“But you loved him enough to forgive him for everything,” his son said. 

“Yes.”

“And he loved you enough to spend the rest of his life making up for the past.”

“Yes.”

This was it. Itachi had spent his entire life making up for past mistakes. Sasuke could not explain the pain, the anguish, to even his own children. He did not know – or he did not want to know – the extent of understanding they had for Itachi. He would never blame them if they chose to not see his brother's side. But he didn't know how he could live if his children hated Itachi. They hadn't seen the wars and violence the previous generation had. 

They were surprised to know that Madara Uchiha, the man they had heard the legends of, had not killed by their father, but Itachi. He loved peace, wanted it any cost. But he had never let Sasuke smear his hands in someone's blood. His children understood why their father hated Konoha so much, and never wanted to visit it. 

While Sasuke was lost in thoughts, pondering over his life, both his children took him in an embrace. He heard sniffles and sobs, and both his arms curled around their shoulders.

“Grandpa?” The boy looked at him, sensing the obvious sadness in him. “You're crying.”

“Itachi,” Sasuke murmured, addressing his brother. He had closed his eyes when the effort to keep his tears away had failed and let them fall. 

“Yes, grandpa!” the boy asked. His dark eyes glinted in the receding sunlight and his hair flowed, falling on his forehead. 

Sasuke looked at him to tell the boy he wasn't the one he was talking to. 

“It's the third time you've called my name and haven't said anything.” He sounded offended. 

Sasuke smiled. The little boy, his grandson, was named after his brother. 

The answer to whether his children hated Itachi after learning the truth had taken a long time to be answered. Sasuke never had the courage to ask them, and they had never said a word afterwards. Once Kosuke and his wife announced they were expecting their second child, Sasuke had been oddly cautious. Neither Sasuke nor Karin could wait for their littlest grandchild. 

The house was a fuss since then. Every little thing was taken care of and planned perfectly, so the mother and child could be looked after properly. Sasuke noticed the tension in his son's movements every time he was in front of him. 

“Dad,” Kosuke said one day, “I've been thinking about naming our son.”

“What about it?”

“We want to name him Itachi. After Uncle Itachi.” His son almost looked afraid. “Kosumi and I had promised that whichever of us had a son, we'd name him after Uncle. But she has daughters, and it's now that I am about to become a father to a boy..” 

“You know what it means, the name.” Sasuke's voice was shaking. “Why would you subject him to something like this?” 

“He wouldn't have to go through what Uncle did. He will have us all with him. Besides, you do trust me, don't you?” 

It didn't take much to convince him, and when the couple returned home with the tiny boy in his mother's arms, Sasuke felt as if a missing part of his heart had fixed itself. Little Itachi looked at him and, for a moment, Sasuke wondered if the boy wanted to say him something to him. 

A month later, the village was hit by a storm. The boy could not stop crying. No matter what remedy everyone adapted, it was proven useless against the agony of the wailing child. Sasuke saw Kosuke walking in the hall, to give his tired wife some rest. The child would still not stay quiet. Karin's methods had failed as well. 

“Dad, I'm sorry, I think he's just..” Kosum trailed as Sasuke walked in, worried about the child. “He's anxious.” 

His son had inherited his mother's powers. He could sense that his little boy had been suffering, yet he couldn't do anything to help him. 

“Give him to me,” Sasuke said. And as soon as he took the boy in his arms, he stopped crying. They heard the child take a few gulps of air, and then his breathing was back to normal. He slept in Sasuke's arms, and Sasuke did not let him go. 

Everyone was amazed. Sasuke had been close to all his grandchildren, but there was something inexplicable with Itachi that he felt a tie of the souls. And since then, there was an unspeakable bond between the two. The boy giggled whenever he saw Sasuke. 

“He doesn't smile that widely to any of us. What have you done?” Karin teased him. 

“He loves me. Are you jealous?” he retorted playfully. 

Sasuke felt the pain in his chest quench whenever he was with his grandson. The boy becoming his responsibility was why his son and daughter-in-law managed to go back to work without having to worry their son. He'd thought he might have to live his retirement years in silence and solitude, but now, that silence was filled with giggles and laughters of this child. 

When he began to grow up, Itachi didn't want to leave Sasuke's side, and clung to him for his life. As a result, Sasuke took him on his little excursions, impossible to leave him behind, which the boy found amusing, and wanted to accompany him everywhere. 

The journey to the Uchiha hideout was meant to be his alone, but the boy had been stubborn and wanted to go with his grandpa. Sasuke had conceded his grandson's request. 

The child, today, was not ready for the complete change in his grandfather's personality – the usually stoic man kneeling in front of his brother's grave with tears in his eyes. 

The boy stood calmly next to his grandfather, letting him mourn, and spoke when Sasuke took his hand again in his own hands. 

“You used to come here,” he asked. 

“Yes.” They began to walk back home. Sasuke had not cried in front of someone else in years. And he hadn't stopped crying in front of his brother so soon. 

“You know, grandpa,” the boy said thoughtfully after they had come back to forest and to the path leading them home. “I was really sick when I was here the last time.”

“Wouldn't you be?” Sasuke smiled gently at his grandson's imagination. The boy often said things that were beyond the imagination of children his age. Sasuke attributed it to the company of his friends, who had the knack for exaggerating things that were not really there. He would know all about the landscapes of the village, even of the places he had never visited before. He needed to tell Suigetsu to stop feeding the boy so much nonsense. 

“I'm telling you the truth!” His lips formed a pout. 

“Huh.” Sasuke shook his head, enchanted at the boy's innocent gesture. “Sure.”

“You know I don't lie. I was here before. But I was old.” 

“You will be 4 in a few weeks. How much older do you think you were?” 

Itachi looked away from him, his angry expression an adorable picture of childish innocence. 

“Now, let's go home. You're getting tired.”

Little Itachi jumped on his grandfather's back when Sasuke offered to give him a piggyback ride, dissipating all his anger. Sasuke was thankful for the boy's company. Sasuke didn't know how he would have been able to walk back home if he didn't have his grandson with him today. It was his brother's 20th death anniversary after all. In these passing years, the wounds hadn't healed. They had taken a different form, less bloodied and more polished, but they were still there, pulsating beneath his flesh. 

Itachi had fallen asleep on his back, and now Sasuke was left with his thoughts, painful and devastating, as he remembered the years. He had never imagined he would live this long without Itachi, but he had. Something in him chastised him for living so long, while the other side of him patted his back — he did keep his side of the promise and lived. 

Several weeks passed since his visit to Itachi's grave before he dared to step foot in his brother's room again. The room was dark, illuminated by a small bulb that cast enough light to dispel the darkness, but not to form the shadows, creating an illusion of the presence that couldn't be there. 

He first cleaned the room, as was customary every time he was here. And then, he opened the cupboard, taking a look at the clothes, the medicines, and the paintings Itachi had drawn for him. The colours on those pages had dulled now, but they kept their original charm intact. No one other than his family had ever taken a look at them. Sasuke wanted to see Itachi in those moments with him, the expressions behind that mask of stoicism. How would Itachi have looked at himself? 

It was dark outside, still early in the morning, and the sky was barely bruised with red. The grayness still pooled in abundance, chasing the tinge of the light before him. He eyed the paintings wistfully, basking both in the presence and absence of his older brother, grief coloring him again and again. 

He was still lost in his reverie when he heard the sound of the footsteps heading towards him. It was Itachi, his grandson, who entered the room quietly, rubbing his eyes. 

“Itachi? What's wrong?” The name spoken to the boy, not his brother, was a painful punch in his guts. It amplified the feeling of his loss exponentially. The boy looked horrified. 

“Grandpa.” Itachi's quiet murmur pierced his heart. “A dream.. A bad dream.” 

Sasuke's eyes gleamed with sympathy and he kneeled in front of the boy, placing the paintings on the bed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“You were hurt.. And I couldn't help you.” He didn't look at Sasuke. “And then, I hurt you so much.”

“It was just a bad dream, Itachi. No one can hurt me. Do you know why?”

The boy looked at him. 

“Because little Itachi is with me.” 

The boy gave a small toothy smile and blushed. “But if someone –”

“No one can do anything to me, Itachi.” The boy had been worried about his safety for as long as Sasuke could remember. To comfort him, Sasuke took the child in a hug. “See? It's okay.” 

When Itachi separated from him, he looked at the contents on the bed next to Sasuke. He picked one of the paintings and examined it carefully. Then, he looked at his grandfather again. 

“You found these,” he said blankly. 

Confused, Sasuke nodded. 

“I'd left them for you.”

Sasuke was shaking with these words. Rheumy eyes looked at the boy. 

“W - what do you mean?” 

“When I was sick, I wanted to leave these for you.” 

Sasuke stood with a jolt and took a step back. The boy, too, looked scared at his sudden action. Sasuke closed his eyes and remembered. 

I was really sick when I was here the last time.

The words of the child he had discarded to be his imagination – could they mean something else, something deeper?  

Unable to think anything straight, Sasuke immediately rushed out of the room, leaving Itachi with the paintings, and in a terribly confused state. The disturbance in his aura woke his wife up, who hurried towards him, clearly concerned. He had never been so disturbed before. Not since he had lost his brother. 

“Sasuke,” she asked, making him sit on the rocking chair, and rubbed his back. “What’s wrong?” 

“Itachi!” He breathed. 

Her stoic and composed husband had become someone entirely different from the night before. Tears in his eyes, he looked at his hands. He murmured his brother's name again and again until Karin cupped his face and forced him to look into her eyes. 

“What is wrong?” 

“Itachi,” be said again. 

She didn't have to be told when he was talking about his brother. The pain in his voice always gave way to the anguish Itachi's absence had filled him with. 

“He is..” Sasuke took a large gulp of air. “He is Itachi.. Not possible. Karin...” 

Karin continued to comfort him with her words, gently drawing circles on his back. And when he was quiet, he spoke, still shaken. 

“I think,” he said. “I think he's my brother.” 

He recounted to her all he had observed and heard his grandson say in his presence. The boy always had said things that were beyond his understanding, but the visit to Itachi's hideout had certainly triggered more lucid memories in him. The child even had a dream that he had hurt Sasuke. 

No one had told him about the paintings or Itachi's illness before. He hadn't even known after whom he had been named. 

He didn't know what Karin said, if at all, but his eyes fell upon his grandson, who emerged the room. Still groggy, his grandson stood before him at a comfortable distance from Sasuke, his tears-streaked face shining in the early morning light. Karin took him in a hug, wiping his tears, and Sasuke had to look away. 

As though to convey a message, Itachi came to face Sasuke, and slowly flicked his forehead with his fingers. 

“Who taught you that?” Karin asked as gently as she could, trying not to let the tremors in her voice scare the child. 

Itachi looked at Sasuke. “You don't remember me.” The sadness in his voice was crippling, that forced Sasuke to look at his grandson. 

What kind of cruel game was destiny playing with him now? He heard Karin take a deep breath beside him. 

“He's –” she hesitated before continuing. “He's telling the truth, Sasuke.” 

_____

Sasuke was beside himself. Itachi. His mind reeled with the past, memories came to haunt him. He had remembered his brother's gentle face, filled with nothingness, and the warmth that had slowly disappeared when he took his last breath. 

The stories of reincarnation and rebirth were not unheard of. They were as old as time. But when it happened to him, he did not know what to do or how to feel. 

Everything was falling into place. The attachment Itachi had with him, the descriptions of the unknown places he'd never known, and the moments he had remembered. None of it was made up. 

Those were Itachi's memories from his previous life. 

He felt incredibly ashamed of himself. He thought he should have hugged the boy and said to him something comforting, but the shock of the moment had paralysed him, and he had left the boy, and barged out of the hall. Now, with his mind cleared, he allowed himself the luxury of shedding a few tears as the realisation of his reality made itself clear. 

Itachi really had been through death, but he had returned because he could not bear the solitude.

Itachi had loved him so much that he came back to Sasuke, to accompany him in another lifetime, because even in death, he could not live without his little brother. 

More tears fell from his eyes. 

It was already afternoon when he returned home. Everyone had been waiting for him. Itachi was locked in his room and refused to come out. Everybody at home knew what the matter was. Itachi wouldn't budge unless Sasuke asked him to. If there was one more thing that had followed him in this lifetime, it was his stubbornness. 

Sasuke clicked open the door with a little force and entered the room. He sat next to the child, whose face was turned away from him, looking out of the window in the green forest. 

Sasuke did not see any physical resemblance with Itachi's past self. He only had the black hair and dark eyes, which was true for every Uchiha. 

“You're upset with me,” he said. The same words Itachi had spoken to him many years ago. And Itachi shook his head, just like he had done at that time. “It's okay. I deserve it. But I want you to know: I remember you.” 

It was like in the past. Itachi was quiet. There was no question about it. This was his older brother, who had returned to him. But how much did Itachi remember of his past? 

“I remember I had to walk a lot,” the child answered when Sasuke asked him. “There was a man.. he looked like a shark. Like, Suigetsu jiji.”

Sasuke smiled at that. 

“And then, I was sick.” His voice became a low whisper. “Then you came to me. I wasn't in pain after that.”

Itachi had been in pain. But now, he didn't remember any of it. 

“Do you remember anything else?” 

“You.” 

Sasuke choked at those words. 

“You know your birthday is tomorrow,” he said. 

“Yeah. I'll be four.” 

It was the 4th year his brother's childhood had ended at the hands of the brutality of war. The boy hardly seemed to remember anything else that was not about Sasuke. 

“Do you want to go to the carnival in the village?” he asked. 

The child's face lit up with the brightest smile Sasuke had ever seen on a child's face. He could never imagine his brother smiling like this and being happy for something as trivial as this. The boy had been pestering his parents and hadn't had the courage to ask his grandfather, so Sasuke's proposal did take him by surprise. Sasuke would have taken him anyway, but talking to him in advance after their recent conversation seemed to be an apt thing to say. 

“Tomorrow, it is, then.” 

The next day, unlike how Sasuke remembered that fateful day that had been dull and cold, was bright and filled with colours. He hadn't been there when his brother had seen wars and deaths, but now, he would ensure Itachi, in this lifetime, did not have to go through the pain he lived with in the past. So, the beginning of his 4th year had to be with a carnival, the colours of happiness, meant specifically for the boy. 

There had been loneliness and responsibilities on Itachi at a young age. Now, he would not let him bear any of it. Bad luck had followed his brother until his last breath. Now, it would not be the case. 

Itachi's life would be happy, and he wouldn't lose anyone he loved this time around. 

Yet, as Sasuke took little Itachi's hand in his own, moving forward in his life, not feeling like he was betraying his brother, he still felt a pang of pain in his chest. Only if his brother was here. 

His grandson giggled when he heard the celebratory chorus of a song played at the festival. As Sasuke walked further, with Itachi's hand in his, he thought about the different lives Itachi lived. However, he was immediately distracted when the boy tugged at his hand, and pulled him with himself. 

Instead of the dead bodies and war, Itachi was greeted with a shower of confetti when they entered the gates with his grandparents. There were no sounds of explosions or groaning men echoed in the air. There was no stench of blood. 

His parents greeted him from the other side, but the boy made no effort to leave Sasuke. 

Itachi heard the music that lured him in, and he grabbed Sasuke's hand, pulling him towards it. Sasuke followed Itachi willingly. In that moment, they were two souls who had known each other for all eternity, and had united despite death standing tall between them. 

Sasuke tightened his grip on Itachi's hand and followed him. He smiled, as they disappeared in the late morning mist, coloured in gold. 

Sasuke hadn't felt so lightheaded in years. He finally felt what it was like to come back home. 

He let the boy drag him, and couldn't keep some thoughts out of his mind. He thought of another lifetime, a perfect one. 

In that lifetime, in another era, when there would be no Shinobi world and no Shinobi around anymore, he would love to be reborn as Itachi's little brother again. They would be born to Fugaku and Mikoto. He would have the same parents who were taken away from him. And in that lifetime, their father would not be burdened with the responsibilities too heavy for him, and his mother would be there for Itachi. 

In that life, Itachi would not see war as a child. In fact, there would be no wars. He would never come across Danzo and the Third Hokage. Itachi would never be privy to the ugliness of the world. Their parents would protect him. Then Sasuke would follow. 

And he would never have to kill his parents. In the same world, Itachi would never be too busy for his little brother, and they would go to their schools together. They would spend all their free time doing mundane things in which he had missed Itachi in this one. Sasuke would not come home to find his parents’ dead bodies and he wouldn't lose his brother to death either. 

Itachi would forget about his past memories when he would grow up, but Sasuke could still dream of a different life he would have with his parents, the life he was robbed of. In that lifetime, everything would be perfect. In this one, he was content with what he had. 

He had Itachi and nothing else mattered.