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Chapter Text

Rose POV

The world was spinning before I opened my eyes, and when I lifted my eyelids the swaying became even worse. I closed them immediately, feeling not only a piercing headache in response to the light, but also increasing nausea. I would have been happiest to stay in my reclining position and not expose my poor body to any additional unpleasant stimuli. Sweat streaked down my face, and my clothes clung stickily to my wet body.

The skin on my neck was aching in a specific way I came to know. I remembered the last time I lost consciousness, when another Strigoi sank its fangs into a tender spot, right next to an artery. I remembered how I didn't even have the strength to push him away or protest. I could only feel disgust with myself for eagerly anticipating the high that was about to come. I drifted off not long after the third monster got to me.

The blissful relaxation took away my ability to think. My thoughts rippled through my head, like waves bouncing and scattering at sea. The shreds of anxiety I felt were drowned out by blissful, intangible thoughts. Even if there was a sense sparking somewhere that something was wrong, that I was in a place I shouldn't be, for a moment nothing could shake me out of my high.

However, the approaching footsteps made me realize that I was not alone. I was awakened by someone entering the room. I forced myself to open my eyes and tried to raise my hand to shield them from the light, but my hand would not cooperate. It remained inert on the dirty bedding. Only when my eyes became accustomed to the blinding brightness did I see that a strange man stood before me. Even in my poor state, I recognized the red eyes and pale complexion of the Strigoi.

Surprisingly, there was no fear left in me. Some thin voice in my head tried to remind me that this was my enemy. To remind me what I should have done. That I should have bolted out of bed and thrown myself at him. I should have fought him until I could find some clever fort to use his strength and speed against him. Then I should run away and run as far as I could until I found myself in the sun or among people. I should call Dimitri, and we both should return, armed and ready to finish them off. But now I couldn't turn my head without feeling dizziness so powerful that I couldn’t tell the difference between up and down. I was completely at the mercy of the monster standing in front of me.

“Rose, you look a little worse. Like you're more tired than last time,” he smiled wickedly, and my stomach tightened at the sight. He came to play with the food. I personally didn't remember him, but it didn't matter.

I desperately looked around for anything I could defend myself with if I wrenched the rest of my willpower, as the Strigoi began to slowly approach me. In my peripheral vision, there was a bottle of wine, no, champagne, and three glasses, but they were out of my hands' reach. Besides, they were useless. There were also blood-soiled towels on the bedside table, but I saw no use for them. The vampire mumbled in displeasure as he swung back my tangled, unwashed hair showing my neck. Even the lightest touch caused me pain, and I preferred not to even know what it looked like.

He brushed back my hair, and the movement reminded me of when I saw him. The first time they came to me as a group, and I tried to run away because I knew I wouldn't defeat them at this advantage. His hands brutally tightened in my hair, stopping me in my tracks and bringing a scream out of my mouth. I remembered attempting to fight back the first and second time. On my third try, I knew I would not succeed. When they came at me the fourth time, I didn't even try to fight back.

I remembered how I tried to steal a phone from one of the Strigoi and call Dimitri, but I was caught before I could type in the number. They then threw me against the wall, breaking my ribs. Not that I remembered any pain after they applied a fair share of their bites on me. I remember crying out for help, begging them to leave me alone. Each time the end was the same - the Strigois made a feast of me, and I was incapable of defeating them.

This time I didn't even have the strength to object when he flashed his fangs intending to plunge them into my abused neck. I wanted to do anything, scream, scratch, lash out. Preferably find an ax and chop off his head. But I didn't have the strength to do any of that. I raised my hand trying to push him away from me, but it was as futile as trying to move a wall.
“Please leave me,” I whispered. The Strigoi chuckled right next to my ear. Shivers of disgust ran along my spine.

“Oh, but you're too sweet,” he said, tenderly embracing me like a lover, exposing my neck so he could sink his fangs into my skin. I closed my eyes, preparing myself for another pleasant indulgence, leading to my ultimate doom.

The door opened with a bang, and Strigoi released me from his arms to face the figure rushing toward us. The newcomer moved too fast for me to recognize him as he threw herself at my would-be tormentor, but when my savior cried out my heart couldn't mistake that voice for anyone else's. A surprised sigh slipped from my lips.

Dimitri.

My boyfriend ran up to the Strigoi and threw himself at him with fury, starting a deadly fight. I couldn't keep up with all of his movements, but I could see the power and strength that was emanating from him as he dealt deadly blows to the monster. They began circling the room, trying to kill each other, but neither could break through the other's defenses. I realized how serious an opponent the monster was. I thought my drug-induced stupor was the reason I failed, but the son of a bitch was very fast and well-trained.

My heart hammered in my chest as I struggled to rise, desperate to do anything, anything to help Dimitri. A hand, an elbow, an arm - lifting every part of my body required all my strength. At the same time, I tried to watch the fight. The way Dimitri fought was almost unreal. With rage written on his face, he resembled a god of war, descending to earth to put up a bloody fight. The swings made by his muscular arms were smooth and graceful. I wished I could have seen his face, but he was constantly standing between me and the monster.

I blinked, and suddenly, Dimitri wasn't in front of me anymore; he was against the wall. The Strigoi held him by the throat, immobilizing his body. Dimitri jerked, trying to free himself from his opponent's grip, but Strigoi's unnatural strength held him in an iron grip. He began to run out of breath, which he was losing, trying to get out of the unbreakable hold.

I didn't know where I found the strength to straighten up and throw my legs over the edge of the bed. The image of the world around me whirled with nauseating speed as I tried to get my feet on the ground, grasping the edge of the bed to keep from falling over. I grabbed the bottle of Dom Perignon and tried to locate Dimitri and Strigoi in the blurry haze before my eyes. The sound of Dimitri choking made me stand up and wobbly, supporting myself on the wall with one hand, I moved toward them. I couldn't see them very well, but I saw the shape of the Strigoi’s head, and without hesitation, I slammed the champagne bottle right into it.

The glass sprinkled on the floor along with the liquor, and the monster wailed furiously. I knew I wouldn't kill him with that hit, but I hoped to cause some damage. He turned around and pushed me violently. With my non-existing balance, I fell on the glass, not managing to shield myself. Sharp pieces pierced my skin, cutting into my face and hands.

However, that second distraction was exactly what Dimitri needed. Without hesitation, he threw himself at the monster and stabbed him in the side with his silver stake. Strigoi wailed in pain and my boyfriend flawlessly pulled the stake from his side and with frightening precision drove the sharp weapon into the monster's heart. He screamed and sank to his knees, then slid to the ground.

Dimitri was at my side a heartbeat later. His warm, familiar hands framed my face, inspecting the worst of the damage. He was breathing heavily, but his full attention was focused on me and my injuries. I noticed he noticeably froze when his fingers came across my bruised neck.

“Hi comrade,” I whispered incoherently, attempting to distract him, “Just in time.”

Dimitri tried to say something, but he just slightly shook his head.

“Roza…” that's all that came out of his mouth. He lifted me off the glass and, still kneeling, held me close. I melted into his warmth, into this promise of safety. Dimitri held me close, his hands exploring every inch of my body as if ensuring every part of me was still there. Finally, he moved away, “I'm taking you out of here,” he said in a firm tone.

He stood up and helped me to my feet. The grip of his hand was strong and steady however, when we started walking towards the door, I could not catch my balance. The world swirled, the ground became unstable and the next thing I knew was that I was falling backward, unable to catch my balance. Dimitri's arms were wrapped around me before I could fall to the floor.

“I'm sorry... I can’t walk,” I admitted quietly as he helped me sit up on the bed. I had trouble staying in an upright position. Seeing this, Dimitri knelt down in front of me and held me in a stable support.

“It’s okay, I'll carry you out. I just need someone to cover us while my hands are full," he reassured. He tapped his earpiece to summon someone to back up, and I leaned over, placing my heavy head in the hollow of his neck. With my eyes closed and my head stabilized the world stopped spinning for a moment. I felt Dimitri's lips on my head and moved even closer.

“I feel so pathetic... I hate being helpless. I hate not being able to control what happens to me,” I spat out, with an almost inaudible hysterical note in my voice. Dimitri strengthened his grip on me. I knew that he too understood this feeling, that he too would rather fight to the death sooner than give up.

“I understand, though... you didn't seem helpless to me when, half-conscious, you hit the Strigoi with a bottle to the head, saving my life. Even in this state, you are one of the most dangerous people I know.”

I snorted a laugh into his neck, and he hugged me tighter to himself.

“I would still have fallen over, even if he hadn't pushed me. Too bad you have such a clumsy girlfriend.”

Dimitri pressed his lips to my temple.

“I've been looking for my clumsy girlfriend for two weeks straight and I wasn't going to stop until I found her. And now I don't care about anything except that she's alive in my arms and I'm about to get her out of here.”

His words made warmth spread throughout my body. I hated being helpless, I hated it the most in the world. But I knew that not everything could be within my powers, even if I reached for impossible resources. And then I knew I could count on Dimitri.

“Belikov!” shouted the guardian who came to back us up. Dimitri swiftly lifted me into his arms, but the sudden movement triggered a throbbing in my head and a piercing wave of nausea. A moan slipped from my throat before I could stop myself. Dimitri immediately froze and held me closer, allowing me to slowly press my face against his chest and stabilize my position.

“I'm sorry, Rose,” he whispered. He started walking towards the guardian, but his gaze once again rested on my abused neck. “Very, very sorry.”

Chapter Text

Dmitri POV

Walking down the corridors of the prison, I couldn't shake the anxiety associated with this horrible place. These cells held the memories of the first hours of my return to being a dhampir, hours of despair, anguish, and depression. Within these walls, I experienced my worst nightmares and lost the will to live. And then, they imprisoned Rose here, giving me a new purpose. I could hate myself all I wanted, but I couldn't let my unrestrained Rose stay behind bars.

Well, that goal remained the same

When the truth about Victor Dashkov's death came out I and Christian were outside the Court, and Rose and Lissa were in the center of the Palace, so when the guardians came for her, she had no way to escape. She had to surrender, especially when Lissa tried to shield her with her body and prevent her friend from being arrested. Rose knew that they would have to immobilize Lissa and she followed them voluntarily. 

By the time I arrived and learned about the whole situation, Rose had long been locked up in a remote, inaccessible cell. I wanted to see her right away so I got to the Court’s prison using my connections and influence, but inside the cells, I learned that she was not simply locked up like last time. Because of her abilities, influences, and connections that could facilitate her escape (which was unfortunately confirmed when she was accused of Tatiana's murder), she was locked up in the most guarded corner of the Court, which I had never heard of until now. She was to be watched by independent guardians day and night and physically locked in a fortress with no way out. The thought of my Rose imprisoned in this way fueled a surge of fury within me. I wasn't going to waste a moment - I had to get her out as soon as possible.

Like the last time, together with Rose's friends and parents, we pondered what should we do. Lissa was gathering evidence that could take the blame off her, to prove that Rose was not in control of her actions under the influence of the spirit power. This had its consequences, so Lissa had to consider all the implications. Abe, Eddie, and I, discussed the alternative of getting her out of jail. Abe was starting to raise sources and, of course, Eddie and I were ready to go at any given moment.

Our official decision was to wait and try to solve the problem peacefully. Not only was this best for her long-term future, but it also was the safest option for her. The worst part was that we couldn't establish anything directly with Rose. She had an absolute, unrelenting ban on visitors, including her attorney, Abe. We could not get through to her by any means.

However, I didn't stop trying. For a week I went out of my way to contact any of these "independent" guardians through my friends and acquaintances and through the complicated system of favors and debts that prevailed with us. I couldn't sleep or eat anything knowing she was confined in a cramped cage like an animal, deprived of contact with another human being. I imagined how she must have been going out of her mind in four walls and my heart sank. That's why I didn't let go until I found the people involved in guarding her cell. When I finally got directly to the guardian in charge of Rose, I incurred a debt that I would likely be repaying for years to come.

He mumbled something about how his initial debt, which was now passed to me, was not worth it. He was well aware that I was the last person who should have access to Rose, but I didn't care, as long as he was going to take me to her. He thoroughly searched me and the blanket I had smuggled in for her from our apartment - bottle green, warm, and very soft, her favorite. My duster also had to undergo a thorough inspection, and my weapons had to be put away in his office.

After passing through a corridor with familiar cells, he led me to a basement where no light reached. My hands trembled with frustration at the thought that Rose might not even know what time it was or how much time had passed. The guardian typed in various codes, obscuring them from me, but by the sounds on the keyboard, I tried to remember the combinations. I also tried to memorize the location of all the cameras watching every corner of the prison.

As we approached the sad, massive door Steve tapped out the code and then took out the keys. He looked at me with a cold, impassive stare.

“Just don't even think of plotting any escape plans. If I only hear something like that, I will report it. No matter what consequences await me.”

Fuck off, I thought but refrained from saying it aloud. In the end, he was the last thing that stood between me and my Rose. I was determined to get her out, but not today; it was too risky at the moment. Now I just wanted to see her, to reassure her that she was not alone. That I was thinking about her all the time. That we would do everything to get her out of there as soon as possible. I also wanted to see her, because I just missed her like hell, I missed her incessantly. But above all, I wanted to do anything to make her feel better.

He opened the door, and I froze, feeling my heart break in half. My feisty, irrepressible, and spirited Rose was sitting in the farthest corner of her cell, entwining her arms around her knees so tightly that it must have been painful for her. In the bright fluorescent light, it seemed to me that she was trembling and breathing at an accelerated pace. 

“You have five minutes,” Steven growled, and she startled at the sound of his voice. I wanted to punch him for scaring her, but Rose had my full attention. For a moment, I saw madness and fear in her eyes, but when she realized what was happening, relief flashed in her eyes and she jumped on her feet towards me. I moved towards her as well, unable to bear a second longer when she was not in my arms. She wrapped her arms around my neck, snuggling into me. I held her as tightly as I could without causing discomfort. Something told me that this was what she needed at the moment.

“Roza,” I sighed, kissing her hair and pushing her back an arm's length to assess her condition. Since she had been locked up my anxiety had been growing every day, but when I looked at her it turned into pure, stabbing fear. She was doing worse than I had anticipated. Her eyes, which I knew by heart, were now bloodshot and hollow, the bags beneath them turning bright purple. I put my hand gently on the pale skin on her face, noting that she held on to me to keep her balance.

As she met my terrified gaze, she snuggled into me tightly, seeking a shield from the world around her. I eagerly drew her closer, offering the comfort I could.It didn't escape my notice how cold she was. The cell may not have been freezing, but it was definitely unpleasantly cold.

“What are you doing here? I thought I was too dangerous for visitors,” she muttered with a taunt in her voice. I kissed her on the top of her head.

“You are, but I had to check how you were holding up,” I replied and gently lifted her chin to look into her eyes. I was hoping for some sarcastic remark that would let me delude myself that it wasn't so bad, but Rose swallowed hard.

“I don't know, it's not great,” she answered honestly. I felt a tight knot in my stomach. Rose grabbed my shirt in both hands and continued. “It's terribly cold here, and I can't sleep. And... ah fuck,” she raised her eyes and looked at me with a mixture of sadness and embarrassment, “I feel very claustrophobic. Before, I also felt the walls pushing against me, but now... it feels like I'm about to… suffocate.”

I wondered what consequences would await us if I now beat the guardian behind my back and led Rose out of her cell. Abe, however, scolded me not to make any foolish moves that could prove more dangerous than beneficial. But seeing Rose and imagining what she must be feeling here all alone, I found it hard to imagine what worse consequences could await her.

“I'm so sorry, Roza,” I whispered and pulled out the blanket I had brought. I covered her shoulders, noting the faint smile on her face. I also took off my duster quickly and threw it on her makeshift bed. I hadn't planned to leave it behind, but I didn't need it, and for her, it could be an extra layer of warmth. She snuggled up to me once more, and I kissed her head, her temples, everywhere I could reach. “You know we're trying to get you out of here all the time…” Steve grunted warningly, and I suppressed a growl directed at him. “That we're trying to find evidence to pardon you. You won't be here for long,” I assured her. I looked into her eyes meaningfully, so that she also knew that I did not mean only a pardon. That if she was to be convicted, we were going to unleash hell on earth here and pave her escape route.

This time Rose smiled, which made my heart relax a little.

“I know, comrade,” she whispered, clinging to me. The vision of getting her out of here at Steve's expense began to tempt me again, although I knew it was a dangerous option. But it was so easy to forget about it when Rose held me so desperately, seeking warmth, security, and simple contact with another human being. “I missed you.”

It cost me every scrap of my self-control I had not to get her out of that shabby cell. Instead, I began to whisper in her ear in my native tongue how much I too missed her, that every minute without her was a nightmare, that I thought about her incessantly, that I worried about her and how she was feeling, and that she was in my thoughts all this time. She seemed to be more relaxed with every word.

“Time's up,” Steven commanded. I moved away from her and saw that her eyes had moistened as if she didn't want to let the tears out. I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her, deeply, with all the love I felt for her, with all love that I could convey in this far too simple gesture. “Hey!” the guardian shouted.

Rose let go of me and pushed me toward the door. Steven jerked me back and I saw that tears finally flowed from Rose's eyes, and she bit her lips to keep from crying. Again I felt my heart break in half.

“I will see you soon, Roza. Don't worry!” I shouted, but Steven slammed the door with a bang before she could answer me. For a moment I stared at the metal gates, not believing that my beloved Roza was locked behind them. I felt rage spill through my veins, and again I had to control myself not to throw myself at Steven and open the damn door.

On our way back upstairs, Steven scolded me for not heeding his instructions, but I remained unresponsive. I felt empty, as if I had left my heart with her, behind the massive metal gates. Every step away from the solitary cell seemed unnatural to me, going against my instinct. It felt absurd to leave without her.

Besides... I couldn't stop thinking about her tears. Rose so rarely cried. And now this isolation was having such a bad effect on her. Her exhausted features spoke for themselves. And I wasn't there for her.

My composure wavered as I gathered my weapons at Steven's desk. I could have neutralized him. I could have gone to get her. I considered which weapon to use, aiming to cause him the least harm (after all he agreed to help me, although reluctantly), but I was stopped by a text message from Abe. It instructed me to come to his quarters as soon as possible because he had obtained new evidence to free Rose.

"Regretfully, I abandoned my plans. I collected my weapons and said goodbye to Steven, but as I was leaving, my thoughts were already flying in Rose's direction.

I will come back for you soon. I promise.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

One of the benefits of living and working at the Court was the flexible schedule and the ability to exchange shifts. We liked to take advantage of this, and as a community of guardians, we often tried to help each other so that everyone could benefit from it. That's why when Christian wanted to go to meet one of the magic users who was willing to fight with magic, I arranged to accompany him and Dimitri. I was already bored with Royal Council meetings and dealing with Moroi politics, while Christian's other guardian, Gerard, preferred to stay within the Palace walls. We officially swapped our charges for the day and I set off with my boyfriend and Christian on a day-long adventure. 

I never expected a ride with the two of them to be so much fun, but I'd be lying if I said otherwise. Christian and I teased Dimitri about his terrible taste in music, and he had to put up with our mean commentary. Christian was also quite excited about this Moroi we were going to, who was supposedly engaged in discovering new ways to fight using magic for over two decades. Christian felt that this could have been a breakthrough in his efforts to encourage others to use magic.

After a two-hour drive, Dimitri parked in the driveway of a one-story house on the side of the road, without any neighbors or other prying pairs of eyes. Moroi usually chose properties on the outskirts of society so they wouldn't have to hide. We arrived long after sunset, but the moon and stars sufficiently lit our way.

"I felt uneasy for some reason. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end, and my stomach twisted into a tight knot. The house seemed too... abandoned to me. Christian unbuckled his seatbelt and with vigor began to open the door, but Dimitri and I exchanged glances and I knew he was thinking the same thing as I was.

“Wait, Christian,” Dimitri ordered, glancing at him briefly, but immediately going back to closely watching the house. “Are you sure this is the right address?”

“One hundred percent. Look, someone is waving to us” Indeed, in the window facing the driveway stood a figure, waving to us in a friendly manner. In the dim light, I couldn't make out the figure's features, but it was clear that she was awaiting us.

I looked at Dimitri and we decided to go and approach the situation with caution. Christian eagerly retrieved his laptop and the documents he had prepared for this meeting, Dimitri positioned himself next to Christian, and I moved ahead, taking on the role of the far guardian. I knocked on the door, though my body was stiff and tense, and my stomach clenched uneasily.

It was only when I heard the door groan open that I realized what I felt was not mere anxiety but nausea. I finally understood that behind the door there were Strigois.

I pushed Christian to get him as far away from the threat as possible and took out my silver stake, aiming it straight at the heart of the monster that opened the door, hoping to surprise us. His red eyes widened, seeing my weapon.

“Stay back!” I shouted to Christian, driving my stake into the heart of the Strigoi, who then collapsed to the floor. I kicked the door open and saw three other monsters ready to attack us, two women and a man.

We couldn't run away. In the middle of the night, they would outrun our car and kill us. We had to put up a fight. I threw myself at the first Strigoi, who was already running toward me, with bared teeth, roaring like a wild animal.

“Drive away, Christian!” shouted Dimitri, and I saw out of the corner of my eye that he was running towards the male Strigoi who was trying to grab Christian. As I delivered more blows to my opponent, I realized that my friend had not listened to us, when the third Strogoi burst into flames, with an awful yelp.

My opponent was a tough fighter, but she lacked skill. She relied on her strength and speed, which I was able to use to my advantage. However, when she punched me in the stomach and I flew to the wall, she still managed to surprise me.

“It's a pity you didn't take the queen with you,” she hissed, approaching far too slowly, “We had hoped she would also come here. So we could be the ones to kill her.”

She came up to deal me the final blow, but I was faster and did a dodge, wounding her in the neck. Blood gushed and she screamed, losing her focus. I took advantage of this, plunging my stake straight into her heart.

I glanced at my companions to assess the situation. Dimitri continued to fight the Strigoi - this one seemed a much more serious threat than my previous opponent. Moving gracefully, he precisely avoided Dimitri's blows. I had no doubt he must have been a dhampir in his previous incarnation, probably a guardian too.

Christian was standing in the doorway, using all his strength to keep the last Strigoi ablaze. The woman screamed shrilly, burning from every scrap of skin, but the flames still didn’t consume her. I noticed Christian's rapid breaths and the sweat glistening on his forehead. So I ran towards the burning Strigoi to finish her off, thinking that once I eliminated her, together with Christian and Dimitri, we could defeat the third monster.

And that was a mistake.

I managed to jump to my victim and aimed my stake, trying to strike at the heart, but before I could do so, I saw that Dimitri and his opponent were dangerously close to Christian. The Strigoi also noticed this, although Christian was concentrated on keeping the flames above the female Strigoi. The man took advantage of this and tried to strike him.

But Dimitri wouldn’t allow this. From his position, he could not repel this attack, but he could shield Christian with his body. He threw himself in front of him, and the monster's blow fell on him, on the right side of his chest. I heard a cry of pain, and then Strigoi threw my boyfriend across the room so that Dimitri fell on the china cabinet. It shattered, covering him with glass shards.

I shouted his name, but couldn't run to him before I eliminated the threat. I plunged my stake into the woman's heart without hesitation, and she stopped burning. She screamed in pain and despair, and I kicked her away from me as she tried to plow into my face with her charred fingers. heard the last Strigoi's shriek and saw him burning. Christian was lying on the floor, looking determined as ever. I reached the monster less than a heartbeat later, piercing him from the left side, crushing his ribs and muscles until I reached his heart.

“Are you all right?” I asked Christian as Strigoi was falling down. Christian was already rising to his knees.

“He didn't even scratch me,” Christian promised, and his gaze fell on Dimitri, to whom I was already running.

My boyfriend was breathing with difficulty, trying to stop the bleeding from his right side. I whispered his name, kneeling right next to him on the glass pieces. The nausea stopped, so I decided to assess his condition first, check the house later. Sometimes being shadow-kissed had its advantages. My hands began frantically pulling up his shirt to look at the wound.

“Everything is fine” he choked through clenched teeth. “I only broke a rib and that son of a bitch cut my skin.”

“Everything is not fucking fine,” I hissed, but he knew that my anger wasn’t directed at him. I focused on assessing his wound. It was quite deep, with shards of glass from the fucking china cabinet stuck inside. In addition, it was bleeding quite profusely. A little above it, a forming hematoma could be seen where he had a broken rib. 

Feeling panic rising, I stifled it, forcing myself to think clearly. I had to help Dimitri. I took off my blazer and threw it to Christian.

“Stop the bleeding, I'm running for the first aid kit!” I shouted, rushing to my feet. Before I ran outside I made a quick round of the entire house, making sure there were no more Strigois in it. I didn't feel nauseous, however, I had to make sure. I then ran to the car to take out a special first aid kit for the guardians. When I returned to my boyfriend, it seemed to me that he had turned pale and that his breathing was getting faster and faster. I hastily pushed away the pieces of glass around Dimitri and knelt by his side.

“Call for help!” I commanded Christian and took over applying pressure to the wound while rummaging through the first aid kit I had brought. Dimitri hissed and involuntarily moved away when I pressed too hard. “I'm sorry,” I whispered, but he shook his head, letting me know it wasn't my fault.

I pulled out the antiseptic liquid and warned Dimitri before pouring it into his wound. Dimitri drew a sharp breath through clenched teeth, arching his body slightly. I ran my hand gently over his sweat-wet face.

“I'm sorry,” I whispered, and he tried to shake his head again.

“Don't worry, Roza. Do what you need to do,” he whispered back. I looked at the wound. I hoped that the shards of glass would flow out along with the fluid, but they nestled in. My heart clenched, knowing that I would have to take them out. I took out the gauze and tried to stop the bleeding, but I couldn't do it without adding pressure. Dimitri flinched, holding his breath and clenching his teeth to keep from screaming.

Christian approached me, ready to help, but I only offered him a scathing comment.

“How could you not realize that you were writing emails with Strigois!” I growled at him, continuing to put pressure on the bleeding. My boyfriend let the air out through his mouth, trying to control his breathing.

“How was I supposed to know? If I knew who it was, I would never have let it happen!”

“I didn't know that we should also control your emails to keep you safe!”

Christian didn't answer anything, and for a second I regretted lashing out at him. I lost my temper seeing Dimitri in this state. Taking a deep breath, I gathered myself under control. I had to focus on first aid.

When the blood coagulated and stopped flowing briskly I dried the wound a little, and Dimitri flinched when the rough gauze touched the hurt, sensitized skin. Knowing that the next step would be especially painful for him, I suggested that he wanted something to hold between his teeth. He sighed and nodded. I took off my belt in a flash and handed it to him.

“Bite down on this,” I offered.

“Thanks. Don't hesitate, I can take this.”

He put the belt between his teeth, and I took a deep breath and prepared the sterile medical tweezers. I asked Christian to shine a flashlight directly into the wound so the light would reflect off the glass shards. I could see that it made him unwell, but he bravely held the light for me, for which I was grateful. I calmed my frantically beating heart and got to work.

I carefully extracted the shards to avoid irritating his already oversensitive skin, but with each piece pulled out, I could feel him tensing his muscles and clenching his teeth to keep from screaming. I wanted to perform fast, but I needed to be careful not to hurt him or to drop any shreds back into the wound. While removing the largest piece, Dimitri couldn't stand it and I heard a stifled groan as the glass irritated his skin. He stilled a moment later, trying not to show his discomfort.

I tried to speak to him all the time, and it seemed that hearing me relaxed him a little. I spoke without knowing what was coming out of my mouth, but the words continued until I removed the last shard. Dimitri was breathing heavily and visibly lost color in his face. However, when I communicated that it was over, he looked at his wound, which I had bandaged meticulously and tightly, and then at me. 

He smiled faintly and said, “Thanks, Roza.” The sight of love and pride in his eyes completely disarmed me and I stroked his face, leaving bloody streaks under my fingers. “You did everything by the book.”

“I had a good teacher,” I replied, and Dimitri snorted with laughter, although he then croaked in pain. I looked at Christian, who turned off the flashlight. “Sorry, that I snapped at you.”

Christian also snorted and waved his hand. 

“Come on. It was kinda well deserved”

I smiled at him. We helped Dimitri up - because he obviously insisted that he could walk on his own - and he lay down on the couch while I examined the area in detail. I found the computer from which Strigoi had written to Christian to lure him here. While waiting for the guardians, Christian browsed through the Strogois’ emails, and I sat by Dimitri, combing through his hair, as this motion seemed to relax him. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply, and I monitored his condition for fear that something might happen to him.

The guardians arrived a short time later, and the medical vehicle quickly took Dimitri despite his protests. I stayed to report and dispose of the monsters' bodies. The guardians swept through the rest of the house, but we found nothing worthy of our attention. Christian and I  packed into the back of a car with another guardian - after going through the fight and killing four Strigois, no one wanted to let me drive. I insisted on leaving as soon as possible, wanting to be next to Dimitri immediately.

“Well, things didn't turn out the way I wanted,” Christian commented as we were leaving.

“That’s an understatement” I countered, resting my head, getting comfortable in my seat, and closing my eyes. The adrenaline was wearing off, and fatigue from the fight was beginning to take its toll.

“However, once again, I proved that fighting with magic helps save the lives of Moroi and guardians. “

I had to agree. Our chances of survival would have been very slim if Christian had not helped us. This was not the first time magic had saved my life, but I still wanted to tease him.

“Or it was me who proved that I’m fucking awesome guardian” I smiled, keeping my eyes closed. Christian snickered.

“Well, certainly not the most modest,” he chuckled, but there was warmth in his voice. I smiled wider and soon drifted off into sleep.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

It all started when Lissa came up with the brilliant idea to interview the spirit users we met in Tarasov prison.

Unfortunately, I was also curious about the results, so I supported her in this initiative to bring these poor people who had powers related to Lissa's. We thought we would discover new wonderful spirit abilities and learn new facts about this part of the magic. We didn't think that they were sent behind bars because they were deadly dangerous. 

We were also fooled by the first two spirit users we brought to the Court. They seemed panicked and uncommunicative, but they posed no threat to us. Our vigilance subsided, and when the third spirit user - Martin - arrived at the Palace, he had no problem using this to his advantage.

We knew he could use almost unbelievable compulsion, but we didn't expect the level of his abilities and evil intentions until we saw our nurse, bleeding on the floor, with a scalpel stuck in her heart and her own hand on the handle.

We evacuated Lissa in a flash. She and Christian were locked up with half the royal guard, while the rest of us were distributed to find Martin before he could harm anyone else. We assembled a fast meeting at the guardians' HQ, where we learned that Martin had ordered some guardians to get rid of the monitoring, depriving us of our surveillance system.

Our hastily created plan was quite simple: track down Martin, notify other guardians once located, ensure the safety of the first guardian, and have a third guardian defeat the spirit user.

We were given earpiece sets, walkie-talkies, and extra guns. Martin was assessed by our supervisors as a high threat and we were given permission to neutralize him as soon as we found an opportunity to do so. Before we started, we learned of new victims - a woman who jumped out of a window, and a man who hung himself with his tie. 

When all the guardians were leaving, Dimitri grabbed my hand. We didn't have time to talk, but with a squeeze of a hand and a hasty kiss, we conveyed everything we wanted to say to each other. Be careful. Don't do anything risky. Come back to me afterward. We were sent to the same building but to different floors. We parted with a quick, but tender kiss.

I move cautiously, with a gun in my hand. We received notification of three more deaths. Each guardian was allowed to shoot first and ask questions later. I walked through the lavish corridor, listening for the slightest rustle and keeping my eyes wide open. I knew that if I didn't spot him first, I would most likely be killed. 

I swung open the first door. They led to a little-used meeting room. Like all the rooms in the Palace, it looked richly decorated and luxurious. No one was inside - the guardians had ordered an evacuation in all public buildings. I looked around but found no sign of a living soul. 

There was no one in the next two rooms either. However, it didn’t make me feel more relaxed. On the contrary, the silence and emptiness had a worse effect on my nerves.

Entering the last room on my floor, I was ready to run into Martin, expecting him in every room and around every corner. However, when I entered the room I found no one. I looked through the room and peeked behind the door to make sure no one was there. Only there I encountered the penetrating gaze of his mad eyes. He was expecting me and took advantage of the second he had. His blue sapphire eyes pierced me to the core.

“Put that gun to your head and shoot,” he commanded me. The tension left my body. I began to raise the gun toward my head. Before pointing the barrel in my direction, I fought against myself, although it seemed as if I was trying to swim against the current of a rushing river. You can't aim at yourself! You can't lose to it. You can't give in to it!

On the other hand, letting go and giving up control felt natural. Ultimately, all I had to do was submit, not resist to the point of making my muscles tremble. I had struggled all my life; yet, it felt so natural to submit to this command. I pointed the gun at my head.

Don't you dare squeeze the trigger. Clench all your fingers on the pistol grip, but don't squeeze the trigger! That will be your end. Dimitri will find you with a bullet in your head.

The mental image of Dimitri's face when he finds me with a gun wound in my head, after the few meaningful glances we exchanged as we parted, made me turn the barrel away from my head. However, I couldn't quite fight the compulsion to put it to my head, so I had to focus all my willpower to keep from raising the gun again. My arm was trembling from the effort I was putting into holding the gun away from my head.

Seeing this, Martin burst into squeaky, almost hysterical laughter, reveling in my struggle. He clapped his hands and circled me, making sure he stayed out of the line of my gun.

“Wonderful! Exquisite! I haven't had a similar opponent in years! In decades. Fantastic. Throw the gun away and stay still.”

I dropped the gun and became motionless. He went to the window and started to open it, and I reached for my earpiece, but he noticed my movement before I could say anything. 

“Silence! Now go to the window and jump out of it.”

My legs, seemingly independent, carried me toward the window, obeying the command, despite my mind's resistance. Stand still. Don't go to any window. Go back for the gun and shoot him.

I slowed my steps, which now seemed heavy and slow as if I were trudging through a snow blizzard, although there was no physical obstacle in my way. I looked toward the gun and stopped, trying to use my willpower and reach for the gun.

Martin giggled when he noticed my struggles.

“I didn't expect to have so much fun. Well, I guess I will have to increase my efforts. Go to the window and jump out of it,” he said the last sentence with emphasis.

My efforts to fight his power stopped. The power controlling me was far too strong for me, a weak dhampir, to resist. I gracefully approached the window, bringing a sickening smile to Martin's face. I climbed effortlessly onto the window sill but found my inner voice again when I looked down. My hands clenched forcefully on the window frame, preventing me from taking the last step.

I won't jump out, I repeated to myself stubbornly in my mind. Six stories separated my window from the ground. I had no chance to survive if I jumped out. A cold wind whipped around me as I struggled against Martin's deadly power. I won't jump. I'm stronger than this sick bastard.

“Well… go on!” ordered Martin, but, trembling with effort, I moved further away, although I was still standing on the windowsill. I thought of Dimitri, of what he would do when he found me downstairs, and I stood more firmly on my feet. “Jump!”

My whole body trembled with exertion. His voice and power oozed into my mind like poison urging me to obey him. However, somewhere inside me there was also my voice, my stubbornness, and my will, which screamed internally, telling me not to give up. My kees softened from the effort - the simultaneous struggle to take a step and to not take a step. My fingers turned white as I desperately clenched them on the window frame. I heard my heart hammering inside my chest, preparing to fight for my life. 

“I said, jump!”

The door opened with a bang and the firing of guns, in my direction. I shuddered but didn't even look in that direction, too busy fighting for my life on that windowsill. I heard Martin screaming in pain.

Don't jump! Hold on!

Several guardians started running toward us. I don't know what they did to Martin when he began to scream shrilly, because a pair of strong, familiar arms tightened around my waist and forcibly brought me to the ground. Dimitri held me close to him in an iron grip, not allowing me to take even a step. I knew that being in his embrace he would not let anything happen to me, so I let go of my fight against Martin's compulsion. As I began to wriggle toward the window, the grip on my shoulders strengthened, and Dimitri pressed me closer to him, standing between me and the window. 

All of this lasted, at most, half a minute. The guardians rendered Martin unconscious, and his spell finally released its grip on me. Martin lay in a pool of his blood, from a gunshot wound on his hand. I went limp in Dimitri's arms, feeling my muscles relax from the constant struggle and my knees buckling under me. My boyfriend held me so I wouldn't lose my balance, feeling the change in my behavior.

“Are you all right?” He asked as I clung to him and tried to catch my balance on my own feet. I was trembling all over my body - from exertion, fear, and tension. My heart was hammering in my chest. A mass of guardians stormed into the office, guns pointed at us. They lowered their weapons upon seeing that Martin lay unconscious on the floor.

"I'm fine; it's just... this struggle exhausted me," I admitted, turning to look at him and squeezing his hand, which was wrapped tenderly around my waist.

Dimitri had on his face the mask of a determined, lethal guardian. However, all the terror and concern for me were hidden in his eyes. He watched me with tenderness and with that deadly concentration, making sure I was okay. I snuggled into his chest, feeling more stable after this psychic fight. His hand comfortingly stroked my back up and down.

Hans himself came to investigate the situation. He immediately had Martin put to sleep so that he could not be conscious around anyone. His fate was soon to be decided by the Royal Council. He questioned me on how I found him and dealt with him. I told him everything and learned that I had managed to turn earpieces on. The rest of the guardians heard that I was with him and that I was under his spell. They couldn't track me at first, but when they succeeded, Dimitri and two other guardians rushed toward me, hoping they wouldn't be too late.

Dimitri tightened his grip on my hand, and I moved closer to him, seeking comfort. I didn't know how much longer I would be able to hold out under Martin's spell, but I knew that I had survived mainly because of my will and Dimitri's quick reaction. If I had followed orders right away, I would not have been alive.

Martin was sent to solitary confinement, his victims were taken to the morgue, and the rest of the people were let out of the evacuation. Dimitri objected to Hans when he wanted to take us to the guardians' headquarters to write down the report, negotiating with him that we would come the next day. He wanted to allow me to get the rest I so desperately needed as soon as possible.

We walked slowly to our apartment, his arm around my waist, supporting my steps. As the tension left me, all my muscles began to ache, and my eyes closed of their own accord. Dimitri broke our comfortable silence.

“I knew you were the most stubborn person I know, but I didn't expect to what extent.” There was softness and pride in his voice.

Fatigue was getting to me, but I forged the strength for the mocking smile I gave him.

“Thanks to you, I have the opportunity to practice. You're a truly worthy opponent; Martin was no match.”

His smile was also mocking.

“Happy to be of use.”

I laughed moving closer to him, and he embraced me tighter.

“Thanks for coming for me, comrade,” I said sincerely, looking into his eyes. For a moment, the memory of panic flashed in his eyes. He didn't want to tell me about it yet, focusing on my well-being. However, I imagined what he must have felt when he realized that I was alone with Martin after all the reports we had received. After hearing that he told me to jump out the window. How desperately he must have been running, praying that I wouldn't take that one small step while he rushed toward me with flashing speed. 

I didn't press him, knowing that we would talk about it later. Now he simply kissed my forehead, allowing his lips to rest a little longer on my skin, savoring this small, tender gesture. As we walked home, we held hands, grateful that we were going home together.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

The speed with which the guardians resolved problems always impressed me. Whether it was a rescue mission, neutralizing an attacker, attacking Strigois, or chasing a fugitive, their response was always immediate and effective. Well, usually. That was also the case this time. 

When the Palace was attacked, the royal guardians, including me, threw ourselves into defense and responded to the attack. Those who were Lissa’s close guardians that day stayed with her and Christian in a safe room so they could defend the queen if the attackers got that close to her.  Half of my team and I were sent outside to fend off the attack before the enemy breached the Palace. To our surprise, instead of trying to attack us to get into the Palace, the attackers threw us into a van and drove us outside the Court. 

This wasn't the first time I had been tied up in the basement by my tormentors, but I'll admit it always took me by surprise. The rough ropes on my wrists, hands, and ankles irritated my skin as I began tugging at my bonds, looking for some weak point I could exploit to get out. 

At this time, the kidnappers gave an extremely poignant talk about how they were the true allies of the Moroi kind and only wanted justice, and to make sure that the rule of law would prevail among us, they obviously saw no other way than to use violence. It was hard not to roll my eyes. They claimed to kidnap us for 'valuable information' and intended to 'interrogate' each of us. We all knew that this involved torture. We looked at each other with equal determination not to say anything to them and to find a way to get out of this shithole as quickly as possible.

Pierre was the first one to be interrogated. He followed them quietly, wearing a disgusted expression, as if he found the situation unsavory and unnecessary, but not frightening.

We were left alone and tried to get out of the ropes put on our wrists. I had never seen this pattern of ties before. The rough material abraded the skin on my wrists, and threaded through the insides of my hands, painfully carving into them. They tied our hands above our heads to limit our maneuver options and induce fatigue quickly.

I was never good at sitting still, so long after my companions gave up on our bonds, I pulled and tugged at the ropes. A burning sensation made me realize that I had scraped my skin down to the blood, but at the same time, I felt the ropes let go a little, which propelled me into action. When I was close to loosening the rope, my skin burned deeply, trying to warn me not to abuse it again, but I couldn't let my previous efforts be in vain. With a gasp of pain, I released my left hand. My colleagues whistled approvingly and began trying to free themselves. 

I managed to take out my phone and send a message with directions on how to reach us to Dimitri. He wrote back that they were on their way to us. We were trying to free ourselves when the kidnappers brought in a semi-conscious Pierre, with a bloody, battered face. I froze with my hands upward, but these idiots didn't even check to see if our bonds were intact. They took Marlene next, who didn’t go without a fight.

We tried to revive Pierre, but he lost consciousness. We worried about Marlene, but before I could untie the rope on my right hand and try to help her, we heard gunshots and screams upstairs. I started tugging even harder on the ropes, but it didn't take long when our guardians stood in the doorway and began freeing us. 

Dimitri appeared third at our door. He rushed into our basement with a gun in his hand, full of determination and power, leaving no doubt that he was ready to kill the enemies in his path. Cold, deadly fury was written all over his face as he scanned the basement with his eyes until his gaze stopped on me. His eyes softened as he quickly made his way over to me, looking at me intently, checking to make sure I wasn't injured. 

I smiled cheerfully as he took a knife from his pocket to cut the ropes on my wrists.

„You guys are too early. You didn't give me time to get both hands out,” I said with a playful accusation in my voice. Amusement sparked in his eyes, but his expression remained serious.

„Forgive me. If I had known, I would have slowed down the rescue mission,” he replied with a slight sneer in his voice, cutting the ropes carefully so as not to irritate my skin. When he released my hand, he gently caught my face in his hands. „Are you hurt?”

His eyes pierced me with the utmost concern. He continued to wear the mask of a tough, deadly guardian, but worry and tenderness shone through his eyes.

„They didn't even scratch me,” I replied, gently moving forward and kissing him hastily on the lips. It seemed to me as if the features of his face had softened even more. 

He knelt in front of me and carefully cut the ropes around my ankles, helping me to free myself from them. When everyone was free, we helped the others take Pierre upstairs. He and Marlene were rushed in a medical cart toward the Court without delay. Harvey, the head of the royal guards, arrived in person and greeted me with a pat on the back. He was pleased that I was all right and thanked me for sending the information to Dimitri. I asked who was guarding Lissa since he was here, but he promised that my friend was in good hands, and he wanted to make sure his guardians were safe.

The guardians were questioning the kidnappers and gathering evidence in their hideout. I was already about to join when Dimitri stopped me.

„Not so fast. First, we have to take care of your hands,” he gently grasped my irritated palms. I grimaced at the sight of them. The rope burns were vividly red, and there were blisters in some places.

„It’s nothing. Really, of all the bad things that could happen to me and others, this is irrelevant.”

Dimitri gently ran his finger over the skin, careful not to touch the abrasions.

„This is relevant to me. Come on.” 

He put his arm around me and gently led me to the bathroom on the sidelines. I don't know when he prepared a first aid kit, but he spread it out on the counter and rolled up his sleeves. I leaned comfortably against the countertop and let him attend to my hands, which he was now examining carefully. He then let the water run, adjusting the temperature and checking it with his own hands. He slid my hands under the running water, and I hissed quietly at the burning sensation. 

„I'm sorry,” he apologized softly, stroking my back up and down. 

„It's okay," I replied.

He wiped my hands dry, with delicate motions, and pulled out the anti-burn cream. With gentle, soothing motions, he massaged it into my hands and wrists, and I felt immediate relief. When he was done, he cleaned his hands and began putting bandages on mine. He secured the burns on my wrists and inside my palms. 

When he was finished, he held my bandaged hands in his palms and looked at them. I squeezed his fingers and tried to look him in the eye.

„Thanks, comrade. Even if you only took care of irrelevant abrasions.”

„I'm glad I could help at least a little. And that you are okay.”

He said the last sentence more quietly as if the prospect of me not being okay was a little too clear in his imagination. I spread our hands apart and hugged him tightly, hiding in his warm, familiar arms. He embraced me as well, pulling me close. We stood in silence for a while, engulfed in each other's arms, and for a moment I forgot why we were there. All I could think about was wanting to stay in his embrace forever.

However, I knew we didn't have that much time. I moved away gently, and he let me go. With deft fingers, he stroked my face affectionately, lifting my chin for a kiss. We took our time kissing, savoring every slow movement of our lips. When Dimitri finally pulled away from me, he pressed his forehead against mine, as if he didn't want to move away from me even for a second.

„I think we should go back before they start a new search mission,” he murmured regretfully.

„Maybe we should let them practice search missions more? They're doing pretty fucking bad without our help.”

Dimitri snorted with laughter.

„Maybe next time. Now I want to take you home.”

I rolled my eyes playfully, but did not protest when he started leading me to the car. I sat down next to him and, snuggling into his shoulder, fell fast asleep, knowing that I was totally and completely safe.

Chapter Text

Dimitri POV

My hands trembled as I struggled to find the keys to our apartment. I tugged at the pockets of my duster, searching for the only thing separating me from my bed. However, nervousness and the alcohol in my blood effectively hindered my simple task.

Though I missed her like hell, I thanked God for Rose not being home to see me in this state. A few weeks ago, she and Lissa had gone to college and, as far as I knew, were preparing for some exams. I had been limiting contact with Rose for several days, fearing that even over the phone she could sense that something was wrong with me.

And everything was wrong. I hadn't fallen into such a deep, consuming spiral since I returned to being a dhampir. Ever since I chose Rose and attempted to put my life back together with her. Since I promised her to forgive myself. I was too afraid of the stakes involved if she found out that it all came back to me.

It all started when I helped Christian teach a magic defense class. A teenage boy - Vasil - who uses water magic and was studying at the Court, came to us. Christian and Mia helped him discover how he could use his abilities in self-defense, and after the class was over, the boy's mother came to pick him up. There was nothing unusual about the woman, but at the first sight of her, especially her hair, I froze as if petrified. 

The woman didn't even look at me and didn't expect to cause me such torment. All her fault was her hair color. The furious red color, going into scarlet in some places, was deceptively reminiscent of a woman who had the misfortune to stand in my way during those terrible months when I was a Strigoi.

She was not the only woman I had killed. Nor was she the only woman I had sexually abused. At the time, I didn't give her a second thought when I disposed of her body. Memories of her came back to me when I saw Vasil's mother. I saw clearly in my imagination the fear in her blue eyes when she realized that she had come upon a real monster. That I was doing her irreparable harm. When she realized that she was dying. I remembered her voice when she called for her mother and when she cried leaving in the least dignified way. 

As my panic attack started I felt disconnected from my body. Heat flooded me settling on my chest, suffocating me, and crushing me. In my narrowed vision I saw Christian coming up to me and asking me if I was okay. I muttered something in response and hurried into the bathroom to avoid falling apart in front of him and the others. There, I threw up.

The thoughts in my head were rushing at lightning speed. The image of her and many, many other women being murdered and harmed by my hands flowed before my eyes. I remembered their faces exactly. I remembered how I had ambushed them like a real predator. I remembered every evil decision I had made.

Then, the memories of what I did to Rose in Siberia flooded back.

Before I completely lost the last scraps of my sanity, I told Christian that I must have been coming down with something and fled the post. I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but I also felt that I could fall to pieces at any second.

As I made my way home, my tormented mind continued to haunt me. It replayed the haunting image of an unconscious, morbidly pale Rose, with a bloody neck and almost see-through clothes after I finished playing with her. The image of my gorgeous, brave, tough Rose balling up against the wall as I hurled her there. Memories of all the kinds of murder I had planned for her once I got my hands on her.

I reached the apartment, feeling heavy from guilt, from all that I had done. Although I may not have been fully myself, I knew that the decisions and actions were mine alone. No one else was responsible, just me. And I was the one who had to bear the consequences. 

I saw out of the corner of my eye one of our photos. We loved to decorate this apartment with many of them. It was taken by Lissa when Christian and I once came to visit the girls at college. The four of us went ice skating, much to the girls' delight. Rose was amazing at skating, and I couldn't get enough of her as she gracefully performed pirouettes and skated on one leg. When I finally caught her in my arms and kissed her Lissa decided she had to capture us in a photo. I printed it out as quickly as possible and it was soon in a frame.

The sight of our smiling faces made me sick. I didn't deserve that kind of happiness, especially not by her side. And she... after what she had been through... after what she had tried to do for me... I couldn't even grasp how much Rose must have suffered during that time, and that in the end, she was to stay at the side with her would-be tormentor. I flipped the photo over so I wouldn't look at us any longer.

I couldn't recall feeling such burning, overwhelming guilt in months, if not since those terrible first days after the transformation. The faces of the women, their murders, and the memories of Rose all bubbled up in my head, stabbing me in the heart, and taking away my ability to breathe. 

I rarely reached for alcohol, least of all to soothe my sorrows. I preferred to face my problems without this poison, inciting my worst fears. However, that night I felt myself falling apart piece by piece, and I needed to desensitize myself. I had to forget. I had to stop feeling.

As I opened a bottle of vodka in our supplies it occurred to me to call Rose. I believed that she was the only person in the world who could pull me out of the bottomless spiral my mind had fallen into. That she could soothe my fears, glue together my battered heart, and calm my head. But how could you still require that of her? Haven't you done enough to her? She deserves a normal life with her friend in college, not the turmoil caused by her almost-tormentor.

Unable to bear the thought that I might bring her even more harm, I opened the bottle. I drank trying to drown out the thoughts and raging emotions holding me in an iron grip. Somewhere in the middle of the bottle I showed one last flash of forethought and wrote to my supervisor that I was feeling unwell and would not be able to appear on my watch the next day. Guardians were entitled to days off in case of illness, and I hadn't used mine until now.

I woke up late on the couch, smelling of alcohol, with no idea when I had fallen asleep. On my phone, I saw missed calls from Christian, my guarding partner, and about twenty from Rose. I called her first. Word of my absence had already spread, and Rose was horrified at what must have happened for me not to go to work. Her intuition was right, but I wasn't going to burden her with any of it. The guilt I had felt the previous day continued to rumble in my head, prompting me not to take this carefree time away from her. She deserved so much, much more than I could ever give her. So at least I wasn't going to take away from her anymore.

I had to lie that I had felt physically unwell the previous day, but when she began to express concern and announced that she was going to me I assured her that I was better. She tried to ask me details, and with a sore head, I could barely keep up with her questions. I knew I had to be careful, after all, I was talking to one of the most insightful guardians in our ranks. Rose eventually acceded to my requests to stay in Leigh, although she marked that she was doing so very reluctantly.

Over the next two days, I emptied our alcohol supply, trying to numb myself enough so that my memories wouldn't throw me off. Christian and the guardians didn’t question my story about being sick, especially since I had never given them a reason to think otherwise before. Rose called often, although I tried to minimize our conversations, for fear that she would find out about my distressing condition. I could see that I wouldn't be able to hide forever, but I hoped that when I finally had to give up my practice, my emotions would cool down enough for me to cope without the help of alcohol.

I promised myself that the third day was my last to feel sorry for myself. I knew I couldn't go on like this any longer, not when I had an obligation to those around me. I promised myself that the next day I would end this sad habit and get back to work. I promised myself that I would tell someone I trusted what had happened.

Seeing the pile of empty bottles around the couch made me sick at the memory of my father, whose addiction led him to despicable acts. I collected all the bottles and went to throw them away. The fresh air on my face felt so good that I decided to take a walk. I walked on the sidelines, without glaring at anyone or exchanging a word with a single soul.

Returning home, worry gnawed at me, knowing I could no longer rely on alcohol to numb my pain. That I would not get drunk to the point of unconsciousness to sleep at all at night. My stomach tightened, and my muscles trembled with anxiety. In the end, it took me longer to get the key out than it should have taken the guardian.

Entering the house, I immediately knew that something had changed. My alertness increased and I froze when I noticed new items on the floor of the house. Rose's shoes and purse.

I found her in the living room as she was looking at our skate photo, the one I had flipped face down. On her face was painted an image I never wanted to see, least of all caused by me - pain and sorrow. There was one empty vodka bottle on the coffee table, which I didn’t notice earlier. Anyway, the apartment smelled of alcohol so badly that I couldn’t hide anything even if I wanted to.

She looked at me, and I was petrified. I froze, with my throat clenched and my muscles tensed. I shuddered at the possibility of my girlfriend finding out how low I had fallen. The thought that she might find out what was going on with me gave me the strength to pull myself together, but apparently, it was too late. I felt ashamed of myself, unworthy of her love and forgiveness.

However, all this was nothing compared to the sincere, overpowering panic at the thought that I had broken a promise of self-forgiveness imposed by Rose.

I didn't do it consciously, of course. I didn't want to fall into that state and torment myself with memories, and things that were beyond my control. But it was hard to deny the facts. I didn't feel forgiveness for myself in the last few days. And when we got back together, that was the only hard, uncompromising condition set by Rose. I wanted to keep it, I wanted to do my best and be the partner she deserved, but suddenly my emotions were out of control, putting us in this situation.

And I was flooded with a wave of paralyzing fear of what this could mean for us.

Rose put down the photo and looked at me sadly with a face full of seriousness. Pain and sorrow flashed in her eyes. The tension in the room hung so thick between us that you could cut it with a knife.

“Rose... I didn't know you were coming,” I finally mouthed, desperate to break the silence. Panic flooded my mind again, but now I wasn't reliving what had happened but was afraid of what could happen. That I could lose her.

Vivid flames of anger sparked in her eyes.

“You would’ve had more time to get rid of all the traces,” she hissed bitingly, pointing to the bottle I had left behind. I was petrified and didn't know what I could say that would improve my situation.

“I... it's not like that…”

“You lied to me,” she ground out coldly, clasping her arms over her chest. The coldness in her voice pierced my heart as deeply as her wounded gaze. “I asked you what was going on, and you dismissed me and tried to sell some bullshit.”

Curses flooded my mind in a rapid stream My decision to spare her the truth, which seemed so appropriate just a few days ago, now caused me great regret. Rose's voice grew louder with each sentence, her frustration evident.

“I asked what was going on with you, and you told me that you were sick! Maybe you were, judging by the smell in this apartment. I have no response from you, I know from Christian that you don't come to your shifts, there are empty liquor bottles in the apartment, and you look like hell. And on top of all this, I have no communication with you, no communication at all!”

I closed my eyes, wishing for a moment that I could erase the events of the few days.

“I’m sorry!” I raised my voice and immediately regretted it, seeing the surprise on her face. Lowering my voice, I continued, “I'm sorry. I know I didn't solve it well, but I wasn't thinking rationally and it seemed to me... it seemed to me that it would be better for you if I spared you this.”

“Why?!” she hissed, continuing to look at me with a mixture of annoyance and hostility. Avoiding her gaze, I couldn't bear to see the disappointment any longer.

“Well, first of all, because you don't deserve it. I lived through a nightmare while I was a Strigoi. I committed crimes that I now have to live with, and you were one of my victims,” she flinched slightly at the mere mention, but her gaze remained as rebellious as it had been at the beginning. “Rose, you deserve at least a normal life at college, not having to relieve these... sick emotions together with your abuser.”

Rose averted her gaze, thinking about something intensely. When she finally looked at me, her face was softer. In the warm glow of the lamps, she seemed so beautiful, so unearthly gorgeous, that my heart clenched painfully.

“And second of all?”

This time I couldn't stand her gaze. A lump formed in my throat, and my chest tightened, making it difficult to speak. I couldn't look her in the eye as I explained further.

“And second of all, because your condition for us to be together was that I forgive myself. Usually, this is true, but... in the last few days I didn't feel like forgiving myself and wanted to get myself together before we saw each other again.”

Rose became still. For a moment she collected her thoughts, and I anxiously prepared for my sentence. She shuffled one step, and my treacherous heart almost stopped. She took a second step and I almost stopped breathing. As she took another step closer, I met her gaze, a mix of concern and affection evident in her eyes. I didn't let myself feel relieved yet, although I felt a slight relaxation at the sight of her expression.

“Dimitri... we are in a relationship. For better or for worse. If you have a problem, I want… no, I need to know about it, and I want to be able to be there for you in any form. I understand that you didn't want to... burden me, but you also can't not tell me anything. I need to know what's going on with you.”

I nodded, not daring to say a word. Rose took a deep breath.

“My condition remains the same, but... I understand that this is also a process and that you will have worse periods. I need to know that you are choosing this new life beyond guilt, that you are choosing me, and that you will actively fight for it. What I can't stand is you shutting yourself from me, not communicating, and fighting a past you won't change. That…,” she pointed with her hand to the bottle and the picture, "...that's what I can't stand.”

“I'm sorry,” I said sincerely, “It was a mistake. It will not happen again. I ... I didn't mean to hurt you. And I'm sorry that I lied to you. I'm really, really sorry.”

Rose nodded and reached out to touch the tense muscles on my shoulder. Her gentle touch sent a jolt through me, as if electrified, but I was begging her in my mind not to stop. I craved her touch so badly.

“I want you to tell me everything, okay?” I nodded eagerly, and one end of her mouth went up. “And then we'll order something to eat. You look like you haven't eaten anything for three days.”

She was closer to the truth than I was ready to admit. I agreed and hesitated before embracing her. I needed her closeness so much, more than I had ever needed any drink, but I didn't know if she was willing to hold me close right now.

However, Rose decided for me, reaching out to me and hugging me tightly. I embraced her, wondering how I could have been so stupid as to keep her away, the best thing that ever happened to me, even if I thought it was for her own good. It felt like a piece of me had finally clicked back into place as if my heart had begun to mend when Rose held me close to her.

I whispered into her hair my feelings of love and gratitude and my promise to always choose her. She was content with my words, and I was determined to fight for it and make it true.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

Ever since Dimitri received the invitation to attend the mass commemorating the date of Ivan's death he was hesitant whether he should go. I knew that he wanted to go and honor his friend and participate in the day to celebrate his memory. I also knew that against all odds he wanted to see all the people who were going to be there. But he was also very stressed about it.

I didn't want to persuade him to do anything, just let him make his own decision. I just indicated that I would be there for him regardless of his choice. So when he decided to accept the invitation, I went with him on a two-day trip to Ivan's hometown.

We traveled by car, and although usually, such trips of ours are full of relaxation, laughter, and banter, this time Dimitri was too tense for any conversation. After a few attempts, in which I obtained grunts at most, I gave up and simply let him focus on the road. He was consumed by emotion and the tension of the event ahead. He held the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white, so I put my hand on his shoulder. His muscles were tight as steel, but under my touch, he actually relaxed. Dimitri breathed deeply, releasing his grip on the steering wheel to clasp my hand tightly.

We arrived shortly before the mass started, so we sat in one of the last pews. A few people began to smile at Dimitri, and he responded to them only with solemn and respectful nods. The man next to him extended his hand to him, and as they shook, he said something in a whisper that sounded like “I'm glad you came”.

During the mass, Dimitri was nothing but anxious. I could see how tense all his muscles were, and how he was clasping his hands nervously. His clenched jaws and sharp expression were enough for me to understand how he felt. I kept my hand on his shoulder, which seemed to relax him at least a little. 

The priest began to mention Ivan, and Dimitri stopped breathing. I started drawing circles on his hand as a reminder that I was by his side. It was clear from the priest's story that Ivan was a kind, loving, and intelligent man, all of which I also knew from Dimitri. Once again, I regretted not having the chance to meet the man who had such a huge influence on my boyfriend.

After the mass, various friends of Dimitri began to approach us. Some attendees were from Russia, while others came from the States. But without exception, they all seemed friendly and happy to see Dimitri. Despite his haziness, Dimitri also seemed glad to see them, although as soon as someone mentioned Ivan his face hardened.

I didn’t get the impression that Dimitri was judged for having a relationship with me. On the contrary, everyone was very keen to get to know me and treated him with great respect. Dimitri was happy to introduce me, but I couldn't ignore the tension in his demeanor. Despite the warm reunions, Dimitri seemed unable to fully engage, lost in his thoughts.

I tried to talk to him whenever we had a moment alone, but he brushed aside my questions about how he was feeling and whether everything was okay. He only admitted that it wasn't easy for him, but other than that he didn't want to talk about it. So we walked among the other guests.

The hardest challenge proved to be meeting Ivan's parents, although they were nothing but kind and considerate towards Dimitri. They hugged him and kissed him on both cheeks. They told him how happy they were about his return from being Strigoi to dhampir and that they couldn't wait to see him again. He, with a sincere smile, said that he missed them too. However, when he added that he missed Ivan as well, the mood slowly changed between us. Dimitri told me that Ivan's parents did not blame him for their son's death, but an unspoken question hung in the gaze of all three of them. If Dimitri had not left then, would Ivan be here with us?

Dimitri's face hardened, and his shoulders seemed to shrink. Ivan's mother's lip trembled as she tightened her hand tightly on her husband's shoulder. The tension between us was so thick that it could be cut with a knife. 

“It was a beautiful ceremony, Mr. and Mrs. Zeklos,” I broke the silence and everyone looked at me expectantly. “I am very sorry that I never had a chance to meet Ivan.”

“Thank you, you are very kind,” Ivan's mother replied, with evident sadness in her eyes.

“From what we've heard about you, he would also love to meet you,” his father smiled sincerely, “The youngest royal guard, on top of that with such a rocking reputation.”

“I'm just getting started,” I replied, and they both laughed. The tension eased, although Dimitri continued to remain tense and sullen. Ivan's parents bid us farewell to go talk to other guests.

Before I had time to ask how he was doing, Dimitri excused himself, muttering that he would return shortly, and I was engulfed by a group of his friends. They were curious about our lives and our position at the Court so I answered in generalities. It wasn't long before the focus returned to Ivan as they began to tell me various stories related to him. Some I already knew, and some put Ivan in a new light, expanding his already interesting picture. I especially liked, of course, the stories in which Dimitri appeared at Ivan's side.

I also noticed that the more they told me about the deceased, the more relaxed they became. Some of them teared up, because of emotions and longing while recounting those bittersweet memories. Others shared what they think Ivan would want to do, what he would have liked, and what he wouldn't have been a fan of. But each story eased a little of the pain of those gathered, as if by recalling Ivan, they felt a semblance of his presence, keeping his memory alive within them.

Scanning the room for Dimitri, I hoped that he, too, was lost in conversation with others, coping with his grief. Unfortunately, I did not find him among the people. As I suspected, I found him standing alone over Ivan's grave, while others were gathering in groups in the middle of the church. I started walking toward him, thinking of this treacherous tendency to conceal his pain, even if it meant bearing it alone. Even if it wasn't good for him, he preferred to stand alone, lost in unrelieved pain, rather than share his feelings with others around him. 

“Hey,” I gently warned him that I was approaching. He lifted his gaze to me and I saw in his eyes all the anguish he felt. The muscles of his face were tight, his jaws clenched. It seemed to me that he was trembling slightly. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, hoping that this simple gesture would offer him some relief and comfort. It seemed to me that he breathed a slight sigh of relief when he put his arm around me.

Nestled against him, I reproached myself for being so hopeless at such things. Dimitri always knew what to say, and how to make me feel better. Even if it was some crappy zen master wisdom, he was never short of words for any occasion. And I didn't know what I could say to help him. You know that it's not your fault, right? That no one blames you for this? I'm so sorry. Everything seemed inadequate to me.

Dimitri exhaled deeply, and I felt his warm breath on my hair. 

“Thank you for being here, Rose. You are literally the only thing keeping me in check at this ceremony,” he strengthened his grip on my shoulders. I leaned back to look into his affectionate eyes. My fingers clenched the fabric of his shirt.

“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” I desperately wanted to help him.

Dimitri hesitated, then looked at his friend's grave again.

“Would you mind staying with me for a little longer?” he asked. I hugged him tightly, giving him my answer.

We stood like that for some time, while Dimitri was deep into sad thoughts about Ivan, and I stood by his side ready to give whatever he would need to make him feel better. When I felt a warm kiss on my forehead and Dimitri pulled me toward the other mourners, I knew he was ready to join others.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

I didn't have the strength to cry any longer, sitting against the wall of one of our training rooms at the Academy. The sobbing and spasmodic breathing exhausted me more than any training I had received here. All I could do was to rest againts the wall, and to let the tears stream down my face.

I dreamt about Dimitri even before he was turned into a Strigoi, although at the time, the dreams with him gave me more pleasure than suffering. After my time in Siberia and his attempt to kill me, he would occasionally haunt me in nightmares, with his red, unforgiving eyes and cruel expression. I would wake up terrified, reliving the dramatic events of Russia as if I had just escaped from his hands. However, I much preferred those nightmares to dreams like today.

Dreams in which I saw my good, kind Dimitri. In which we practiced at the academy, laughing and teasing each other. Or walking through the school grounds, wanting to touch each other at least with the tips of our fingers, but not daring to make the move. Sometimes I bandaged his wounds, and sometimes it was he who took care of my scratches. My imagination also went so far as to create scenarios we hadn't experienced - like decorating our house, going ice skating, and visiting new places together. In the most intense ones, I relived our one and only time in a cabin, when he held me close to him, saying he loved me and that he wouldn’t leave me. 

And then I had to get up. The grief I carried never let me forget about itself, but after every dream like this one, when I had him back for at least a few moments his loss hit me again. Just like that first day when I learned of his death. I had the feeling all over again that he was being ripped from me, and with him half of my heart, half of my soul.

When I woke up today from one of those dreams and remembered that my Dimitri was dead, once again something inside me snapped. I don't know how long I cried, how long I tried to stop the spasmodic breaths. I couldn't stand staying in the dark, empty room so I put on a sweatshirt and left my bedroom. 

Getting out of the "guarded" girls' dormitory was not a challenge. Gee, they really could have improved security after that attack on Academy in March. And all it took was my old trick of setting off the alarm upstairs, to which today's guardian rushed, to free my way outside.

I knew why I was drawn to the gym. Every time I was there, I had the feeling that Dimitri was about to walk through the door and after the first sarcastic comment we would start our lessons. It wasn't logical, but at least I could stay in this false suspense for a while. With the feeling that Dimitri was alive.

I sat crying, unable to control the dominant feeling of pain in my heart. It seemed so unbelievably unfair to me that I had Dimitri for such a short time compared to how much I loved him. How was it possible to take away such a real, strong love?

I heard footsteps and froze, afraid that someone might see me in this state. Suddenly, however, I felt through the bond that it was Lissa approaching. When she looked at me, her eyes softened.

„Oh, Rose,” she whispered and sat down next to me, hugging me close. Her concern made me feel even worse and new tears sprang from my eyes.

„What are you doing here? You should be in bed,” I ranted in a weak voice, although to be honest I had no right to reprove her.

„Meredith texted me. She heard someone running from the side of your room after the alarm went off.”

„You can't have any piece of privacy here anymore,” I muttered, unsuccessfully trying to dissuade her from the reason I was here. 

Lissa, however, paid no attention to my comment.  She stroked my head while I cried silently, unable to stop myself. The proximity of my friend had a soothing effect on me, taking away that sense of emptiness. However, nothing could return that terrible hole in my heart, torn from me with Dimitri’s death.

„Why won’t this stop?” I sobbed, pressing my hands to my heart. "It has been months, and I feel like I’m torn to pieces.”

“Because you really loved him," whispered Lissa, squeezing my shoulders. 

“I really try, Liss. I go to classes, I catch up on my work, I spend time with my friends, and all the time I feel like I'm one big open wound. It never ends,”I interrupted, feeling that I was on the verge of crying again.

“I'm so sorry,” she whispered. I moved away from her and pulled my knees up to my chin. We sat in silence for a while, when Liss spoke up in a soft voice. “I know it's probably hard to accept now, but it’s not over. You can still have happiness with Adrian.”

Tears leaked from my eyes, and I bit my lip to keep from crying. I threw Lissa a brief glance and she hugged her head to my shoulder. A cruel question hovered between us. But why couldn't it be Dimitri? 

“You really can experience this happiness with the one you love,” I finally said when I knew I wouldn't burst out crying. Liss moved away from me and threw me a pleading look, but I continued. “Seriously, Christian is about four hundred meters from us. You just have to go to him and tell him that you screwed up and you're sorry, but that you love him and want to be with him.”

“It's not that simple,” she replied softly, and a storm boiled up inside me,

“It is exactly that simple! You both love each other, you both live, you both want to come back to each other! Do you know how much I would give to have only my pride standing in the way? I don't understand it. If you want to tomorrow you can be in Christian's arms! You can kiss him and hold his hand. You can hear that he loves you…” my voice broke down, and I finally burst out into the tears I had so carefully tamed. 

Liss did not comment on my rant. Although I really wished for them to get back together regardless of everything else, at that moment I could not separate their situation from my shattered perspective. My friend let me cry into her sweater, holding me close.

We didn't speak for a while, letting the sun outside slowly set. I felt exhausted after that night and didn't have the strength to get up. But I knew we had to go and get ready to start the day before someone covered us.

“Thanks for staying with me, Liss,” I admitted, getting ready to rise. Although there was only love and understanding in her eyes, I felt guilty for dragging her out of bed. “I usually manage somehow, but sometimes…” the words stuck in my throat, and Liss was quick to spare me.”

“Stop, I really want to be here for you. I want to be by your side, especially in these moments.”

Her fingers found my hand and squeezed me lightly. I stood up, giving her my hand. She accepted it, getting to her feet.

“I was also thinking...,” she began to say as I escorted her to the Moroi dormitory, “that you too have a much more complicated - possibly impossible - way to get Dimitri back. And from what I remember, once we get our freedom, we will not rest until we have done everything we can to do it.”

Liss smiled radiantly at me, but my heart shrank at the thought. Hope was tricky. Treacherous. Although every day I thought about restoring Strigoi back to its previous form, I very rarely dared to truly believe in it. If losing Dimitri from my daydreams tore my heart, I didn't want to imagine the pain I would feel when I learned, according to everything we knew, that this last chance to get him back was false.

However, I knew I would try. Even if I never again got rid of the pain tugging at my heart, I knew I would do everything to test this unreal, so wildly improbable theory. Thinking about this, I put on my sportswear and went to tick off another day, bringing me closer to trying to save my Dimitri.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

“I warn you, Your Highness, this is our last offer,” Moroi, with whom Lissa was holding a meeting announced in a loud voice. I moved closer to her, behind her back. Threats like this immediately raise our vigilance. 

I looked at the other guardians. Dimitri, who was standing with Christian, also put his hand on his gun and watched Lissa's guest intently. The rest of the royal guardians also moved toward the queen. Moroi noticed all this and sent us a furious look. He knew that if he made one reckless move, he would be immediately put down. 

Quickly scanning the grounds, I cursed Lissa's decision to hold audiences in the Palace Gardens during summer. It was a lot less hot in here than in her Palace Room, but her safety was compromised in the terrain. The open area was much more difficult to control and secure.

Lissa seemed least moved by her guest’s threat. She calmly arranged the papers on the table.

“Lord Drozdov, this conversation is over. I do not intend to restore the age law, regardless of your offers.”

“You're making a big mistake, Your Highness,” spat Moroi.

“Watch your words, Lord Drozdov,” I replied and received a murderous look from him. I couldn’t even pretend to care.

Drozdov bowed messily and left, trembling from agitation. We all breathed a sigh of relief when he was behind the door leading to the Palace entrance. Even Lissa seemed to relax as she requested a chilled soda from a nearby servant.

“Well, he seemed like a real ray of sunshine” I commented once I was certain he couldn't hear me. Liss sent me a meaningful look and rolled her eyes. Dimitri moved closer to me and put his hand on my lower back, taking advantage of the fact that we stayed in an intimate circle. 

“He seemed unusually ... agitated,” Dimitri added. Christian furrowed his brow in concern and looked toward the door.

“If he tried something, he would quickly regret it,” he replied dramatically. But even I felt the temperature around us rise thanks to his power.

Lissy's soda came, and I reached for it before it hit the queen's table. The servant sent me a disgusted look, but I smiled.

“Security check,” I said cheerfully, seeing that Lissa was smiling slightly. We weren't concerned about court etiquette, especially when we were in our inner circle.

I took a sip of the refreshing, cold drink, but as soon as the liquid was in my throat, I felt a sharp, stabbing sting. I choked, spitting the contents of the can out of my mouth.

“Rose?” Dimitri became concerned. The feeling of pain turned into a real burning sensation, and I started coughing, feeling that something was stuck in my throat. My hands went to my throat and clutched it where I felt the pain.

“Rose, what's going on?” Lissa also stood up and threw Dimitri a frightened look. He quickly turned me around to face him as I struggled to catch my breath. My throat was blocked, and I couldn't take a breath. The inside of my throat was burning, and at the same time, I knew that I had a blocked trachea.

“She's choking!” Dimitri shouted.  Fear crept into his eyes at the sight of my desperate attempts to draw breath. He turned me around, putting his arms around me and squeezing my upper stomach tightly, trying to do the Heimlich maneuver. Tears streamed into my eyes as I shook my head letting him know that this was not where the problem lay. He immediately let me go, however, leaving his hands on my arms.

The lack of oxygen supply was making me anxious as well. I continued to struggle for breath as my throat constricted painfully. My hands clenched tightly on Dimitri's duster. My heart began to flutter in my chest and I felt a buzzing in my ears as I tried to cough and pant to take a breath.

“Call the doctor!” Lissa cried.

“Call for a medical vehicle!” shouted Dimitri, embracing me and beginning to lead me with a quick step to the door. I let him lead me, not seeing anything through my teary eyes. I thought of nothing else but to catch at least some oxygen in my lungs. I could feel my throat swelling up inside, closing off my airway, and there was nothing I could do about it.

In the blink of an eye, I found myself being ushered into a vehicle and then whisked into the emergency room in a blur of activity. My head spun as doctors placed me on a stretcher, fitting a mask over my face and administering gas. I felt Dimitri's hand release mine from its iron grip and the last thing I saw was the bright fluorescent lights of the lamps before I lost consciousness.

When I woke up I drew a rapid breath, remembering what had happened. Dimitri abruptly sat up, his eyes never leaving me, assessing my condition.

“Rose, what’s going on?”

I shook my head, feeling the tension in my chest ease as I could finally breathe freely. I caught his hand extended toward me and focused on my body. I still felt irritation and pain in my throat, although it was much less than before. I also knew that my airway was not completely relaxed, but I could breathe freely.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. How could I have underestimated this activity before?

“Everything…” I wanted to calm Dimitri down, but I started coughing in mid-sentence. He quickly reached to the table next to where he had prepared water for me. I drank greedily, feeling it soothe my throat. “Thanks. Everything is fine now.”

Dimitri's hand gently caressed my hair, starting from the crown of my head and settling on my shoulders. With his other hand, he put his palm around my face, and I snuggled into it, feeling safe.

“I'm glad you're feeling better. You scared us earlier.”

“I scared myself. I don't know what happened... suddenly I felt a strong sting, and then my throat closed up.”

To my surprise, Dimitri nodded his head, as if he expected it. He stroked my cheek gently with his thumb, looking at me carefully, with concern and relief. 

“The doctors quickly realized what had happened. There was a bee in the can. It stung you in the throat, causing your airway to block.”

I felt the blood drain from my face. Did I almost kill myself in front of my friends and co-workers because I drank a soda with a bee in it? After working for years to prove that I was a deadly, lethal guardian, I nearly lost my life to a stupid insect?

“Are you telling me, that I wasn't killed by a gunshot to the heart, but I almost killed myself because I didn't check my drink for a bee?”

I could have sworn that Dimitri's lips twitched in an attempt to stop a smile, but to hide it he leaned over and kissed my forehead.

“Well, almost. But it wasn't your fault. We investigated everything that happened while you were recovering. Do you remember the Moroi that Lissa argued with just before this happened?”

“Yeah,” I confirmed. Dimitri continued to stroke my hair as if he couldn't take his hands off me. It didn't bother me in any way.

“So he has the power of air. We were right to think he was unusually angered. He planned the assassination attempt on Lissa. He trapped the bee in a bubble of air, which he then directed into Lissa's can. He intended to kill her this way, right under our noses."

I froze completely. Lissa was so close to taking this can. Would Lissa have survived that long without air? Then the other thing occurred to me.

“This is the stupidest murder plan I've ever heard of,” I stated and caught, feeling that my throat was still strained. Dimitri handed me water and stroked my back as I drank it.

“It's hard to disagree,” he admitted softly. I felt his lips on my temple. “But I'm so glad this idea was so stupid and didn’t work.”

I leaned in to kiss him. For a moment I let myself enjoy the firm feeling of his lips pushing against mine with intensity. My hand found his face and I drew him even closer to me, as if I wanted to melt into him.

Finally, he placed a gentle kiss on my lips, the tip of my nose and forehead. He embraced me tenderly and held me to him, and I melted into his arms.

“One thing is certain,” he said in a whisper, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Yes?:

“Once again you have proven that you are an indispensable guardian. One that is able to protect the queen even from the danger hidden in the can of soda.”

I laughed softly, letting him hold me, feeling he might just need this as much as I did.

Chapter Text

Dimitri POV

For some reason, I knew very well where I should look for her. I knew she wasn't injured after the accident - it was the first thing I checked as soon as I found out what had happened. I also knew that she had finished reporting and left the headquarters. Only my intuition told me that she would not want to go home right away after what happened.

I heard that Rose had been involved in a shooting at the Court, and I didn't ask any more questions but rushed to the site to see what had happened. There I found her safe and sound, although slightly shaken. She was trembling all over when I embraced her, and her hands seemed cold as ice. 

Rose was the only guardian who realized that the door to the royal vault was unnaturally cracked. She decided to check it out and found one of the guardians there, loading the royal valuables into a bag. Rose asked him what he was doing, and he raised his gun in her direction and said that was her least concern. Rose threw herself to the ground, and a second later, a shot was fired where she stood. The quick escape allowed her to bring out the gun and shoot him in the stomach. As he bent in half and tried to fire another shot, Rose shot him right in the head. 

The gunshots caused half the guardians to run to the scene, and I got word from my colleagues about what had happened. Rose's version was quickly confirmed by the cameras, so she was not charged with murder since she acted in self-defense. However, I knew by her pale face and absent look that there was something wrong. 

I wanted to talk to her right away, but Hans insisted on taking her to the guardians' headquarters for a report and ordered me and another guardian to take care of the body. The haunted look in her eyes at the man as we carried him out of the room didn’t escape my notice. A few corridors away, a medical team was already waiting to cover him with a dark sheet and take him away.

I got a message from one of my friends that Rose's interrogation was over quickly, so I wanted to look for her. I wasn't sure where she was, but something told me to direct my steps toward the historic church on the grounds of the Court.

The church here was never empty. Many Moroi belonged to the Orthodox Church, and in a place as populated as the Court one could find believers at any time of the day or night. Even so, the church was large enough to provide room for anyone who wanted to stay there. And that's where I found my Rose.

She was sitting in one of the last pews, with her hands folded in her lap and her gaze directed downward. I knew by the absent-mindedness of her face that she was immersed in her thoughts. My heart clenched at the sight of her tightened facial features. As I moved to sit beside her, she flinched in surprise.

“How did you know I was here?”

“I had a hunch,” I answered truthfully, sitting down next to her. I wasn't sure what she would need, so I put my hand with the palm facing up so that it would be up to her to choose whether she wanted to grab me or not. I breathed a sigh of relief when her smaller, cool hand slid into mine.

“I finally understand why you like to go to church when you want to think,” she admitted quietly, “I mean, I've always understood it, but now that I also understand the appeal.”

I tried not to show my feelings but the very idea that my Rose would need that quiet space to rethink this traumatic event made my heart ache. I often sought solace in the sacred confines of temples, contemplating the lives I had taken, whether in defense of others or my own. I was also often a visitor to this church specifically when I wanted to reflect on all the murders I committed when I was a Strigoi. The reverential silence, the soft glow of candlelight, and the sacred atmosphere helped one accept what he or she had done. I ran my thumb gently over Rose's hand.

“And you, what did you want to think about?” I inquired gently.

Rose remained silent for a few moments, letting me stroke the top of her hand and listening to the quiet footsteps of the exiting believers. Finally, she took a deep breath and, looking ahead, revealed to me what was on her mind.

“It was the first time I had killed someone who was not a Strigoi.”

I closed my eyes, feeling angry at myself. How could I not thought of this before? Rose had an impressive number of slain Strigoi and neutralized opponents, but she had never killed anyone who wasn't a Strigoi. This was difficult for any guardian to come to terms with, to accept. I squeezed her hand.

“You had no choice. It was self-defense.”

“Maybe I could have shot differently,” she mused, her expression distant, “Maybe I could have aimed for his hand."

“You didn't have time. You had to make sure he didn't shoot at you,” I said quietly but firmly. Rose shuddered, thinking about the events of tonight.

“This is so... stupid. He wanted to steal some stuff from the vault, and of course, he should be arrested, but... I would never have killed him for it if he hadn't started shooting. Stealing wasn't worth his life,” her words were getting out faster, as was her breathing, “And I don't know why he decided to do it. I will never know. But I do know that it wasn't worth his life, and I took it anyway. Did you know that he has a girlfriend here? Well, he had one. God…” She hid her face in her hands, and I put my hand on her back, stroking it in gentle motions.

“Rose, you had no choice. If you had, of course, you would have spared him. But you had to save yourself.”

“This is also stupid, but... I don't know. I feel that if there had been a Moroi with me it would have been more justified because I would have saved him, right? And so it was just me against him.”

“You had every right to save yourself, Roza,” I said firmly, “Your life is just as valuable.”

Rose said nothing to this. Even though I had been raised in this system all my life, I sometimes found it hard not to hate it. Especially watching now what he was doing to my Rose.

We stayed in silence for a while. She was immersed in her thoughts, and I concentrated on massaging her back in rhythmic motions. I desperately wanted to make her feel better, to take this weight off her shoulders. I wanted to get her out of the state she was in, out of all those cruel thoughts in her head. Yet, I understood I couldn't go against her wishes. I was ready to be everything she would need - a confidant, a counselor, a companion in silence. I just didn't know if she needed closeness or space. I found her hand and squeezed it.

“What do you need?” I asked in a whisper. For the first time since I sat by her side, she looked at me. In her eyes, I saw many questions, sadness, and guilt. I wanted so badly to erase that look from her eyes, I just had to know how. I was afraid she would push me away to sort out her thoughts (as I unconsciously often did), but Rose found my hand and squeezed it lightly.

“Can you stay here with me for a while longer?” she asked quietly. 

As an answer, I moved closer to her, putting my arm around her. She comfortably snuggled into me, laying her head on my shoulder. I felt her trembling slightly, so I began to rub her shoulders gently to loosen her up a bit. I breathed deeply, ready to stay with her as long as she needed.

Chapter Text

Rose (POV)

Despite my rather unpleasant memories of my last stay in Russia, I really loved coming to visit Dimitri's family. We didn't have a lot of free time to do so, but when the opportunity arose, we were more than happy to pack up and travel the almost daily trip to Baia.

I honestly loved these trips, especially spending time with his family - Olena, who became like a second mother to me. His sisters, who were so strong-headed and confident but had so much warmth and love to offer. And Dimitri's nephew and nieces, who were the most adorable kids I had ever met.

The warmth, kindness, and love that filled that small, cozy house were overwhelming. I enjoyed cooking together (although Russian cuisine wasn't exactly one of my favorites), eating meals together and the long lazy evenings we spent on family walks if the weather was good, or playing games with the kids if we had to stay home. I loved that familial atmosphere, where we joked with each other and raced for the only bathroom, but also were always ready to discuss serious topics and show support.

And above all, I loved watching Dimitri here. Living with him, I got to know that private, relaxed side of him very well, but it was always so interesting and touching for me to see him with his family. How he would mess Vika’s hair. She would try to punch him for it, but he always dodged her blows gracefully. Or how he helped Sonya change her little daughter’s diapers, regardless of whether he was in a hurry or not. Or how respectful he was towards his mother and grandmother, always making sure he could help them with something. 

Just this morning he got himself into bringing groceries for dinner. I joined him, at the same time wanting to help him and be useful in the Belikov house, but also simply wanting to walk around town.

We walked hand in hand, and Dimitri seemed as relaxed as he rarely was at the Court He told me stories of the families whose homes we passed and places from his childhood. The trees under which he and his friends learned to fight with wooden stakes. The street where he learned to ride a bicycle. The place where he had his first kiss behind the mall. I raised my eyebrows suggestively at that last memory, but Dimitri laughed, kissed me on the forehead, and whispered that it was still nothing compared to our first kiss. I teased him a bit, but I absorbed greedily every single story he told me. I loved learning the little pieces from his past.

At the market, we split up, though I'm not sure if my attempts to pronounce the names of various products in my broken Russian sped up the process of buying Olena's groceries. When I received full of pity glances I gave up and showed them the paper list Dimitri had left for me. Of course, he finished his share first and watched my efforts, trying not to laugh at me. Finally, he finished my fruitless efforts and when we had everything, he insisted on carrying the groceries all by himself.

As dusk began to fall, I walked beside him, trying to read the words from Olena's list to practice the language. However, my attempts were so comically inaccurate that even Dimitri couldn't help but laugh at me. But then he patiently helped me with pronunciation and translation. I couldn't even pretend to be angry when his laughter was so contagious. I started to make a show out of my language struggle, just to hear him laugh.

“Rose!” I heard a familiar voice and stopped. Denis was running towards us. He was the one who took me out of Baia the first time, to hunt Strigois with him and his friends. We didn't know each other well, but on the battlefield, we had each other's backs and trusted one another. We didn't even have a chance to say goodbye when Dimitri abducted me, and then I returned to the States. Dimitri’s sisters told me Denis stayed in Novosibirsk and didn’t return home since he left with me.

A sense of nostalgia and a certain affection arose in me when I saw him. Once he was close to us I embraced him tightly, and he reciprocated with a bear hug.

“Denis, God, how good to see you!”

“See me?! I thought you were dead! I didn't dare show my face to Belikov's girls…”

He paused and grew still. He pushed me away with force, his eyes fixed on Dimitri. I had hunted with Denis and knew well what the concentrated and deadly serious expression in his eyes meant. He thought he had met a Strigoi.

As far as I could tell, Denis hadn't been home since we left, so perhaps he hadn't been updated as to Dimitiri's return. Instead, he knew that my boyfriend had been turned into a Strigoi and that I was searching for him. And that it was past sunlight. He took out his silver stake in a split second and was ready to throw himself at Dimitri, plunging the weapon straight into his exposed heart. Dimitri didn't even have a chance to react, holding bags full of groceries in both hands.

But I could.

Denis threw himself at Dimitri, but I quickly moved to stand in his way. I didn't have time for any defensive position or attack, so I used my body as a shield by jumping in front of Dimitri and pushing him back. Everything happened so fast that we didn't have time to think. Denis' stake pierced the skin on my arm, I cried in pain, and he stopped, seeing who he had injured. Dimitri staggered backward, letting the shopping bags drop to the ground and instantly putting his hands on me. He tried to move me behind his back to shield me from the attack, but I stayed still.

“Stop it! Are you blind?! Dimtiri is not a Strigoi!” I shouted at Denis. Dimitri continued trying to move me behind him, but I wasn't going to give up my position, as long as Denis glared at him with pupils dilated with fear and a stake in his hand. “Look at his eyes!”

Denis looked at Dimitri and I saw him begin to comprehend what had happened. He lowered the stake and looked at me. Or, more precisely, at the blood oozing from my arm, where his stake had cut the skin.

“Rose, I'm so sorry…”

The stream of words that Dimitri growled at him made my blood freeze. I recognized several curses that Dimitri often mumbled under his breath, but, unfortunately, I did not know their meaning. Denis turned pale, nodded and ran home as Dimitri looked at my wound. He cursed even more. 

I almost didn't feel the pain, although it was beginning to pinch slightly. I smiled slightly at him.

“You don’t need to be so mad. It was an accident, he wanted to save my life.”

Dimitri sent me a look that said he had many, many unpleasant words to say, but he would refrain for now. I laughed at this sight, and he relaxed ever so slightly.

Denis arrived with a makeshift bandage and disinfectant. Dimitri quickly bandaged the wound to prevent bleeding and began to quickly lead me toward his house so that he could take serious care of it there. When I asked about the groceries, he assured me that Denis would get them to us soon.

I hoped we wouldn't cause panic in the Belikov house with this, but among these women, something like this couldn't go unnoticed. Unable to concentrate amidst shouting about what an idiot Denis was, Olena led me to her small bedroom where she dressed everything carefully and steadily for me. Dimitri stood by me, massaging my shoulders, occasionally cursing under his breath. The wound wasn't very deep or serious anyway - probably if I had been alone I would have ignored it pretty quickly. I swallowed pain pills and felt pretty well.

Denis arrived shortly thereafter and was sternly berated by Karo and Victoria. He sent me a pleading look, so I reassured them that I knew it was an accident and everything was fine, but that next time he shouldn't try to kill my boyfriend. Before the girls started their rant again, he said he would like to know the whole story, and I promised to meet him the next day and tell him what happened to us.

At dinner, this accident continued to be the main topic, although it didn't seem to concern Yeva too much. She had announced that she already knew since morning that I would be injured on the walk, so I should be glad it was nothing serious. I rolled my eyes and asked her why she didn't warn me if she knew everything, to which she answered that she was only reading the future, not preventing it. I sent Dimitri a disbelieving look, and he only put his hand on my back in an expression of support.

When we went to bed, Dimitri made sure that a glass of water and painkillers was within my reach throughout the night. I settled comfortably in his arms and felt his lips tenderly kiss my head.

“Thank you for saving my life today,” he whispered, half-jokingly, half-seriously. I snorted.

“It's so unfair that you rarely lower your guard and in that one brief window of time when you relax, someone tries to kill you.”

Dimitri laughed and hugged me tighter.

“It's good I have you around at times like this.”

I smiled lazily, increasingly sleepy. I tightened my hands on his shirt.

“But remember,” I used a thicker voice and a strong Russian accent, poorly imitating his speech. “You can never lose your guard. Not ever.”

His fingers found a tender spot on my ribs and began to tickle me mercilessly as punishment for laughing at him. I laughed out loud, far too loudly considering that everyone was probably already asleep. Dimitri, however, couldn't hide the smile that was on his face when he stopped my sweet torture and let me snuggle up to him.

“Very funny. But if you’re done, I think you need to go to sleep to recover,” he teased me, running his fingers gently over my bandaged arm. I settled down comfortably, feeling that soon I would drift off to sleep.

“Maybe you're right. And don't worry, comrade. Even if you let your guard, I've got your back.”

I felt warm lips on my forehead. I think he told me in Russian that he, in turn, would be having my back, but I can't be sure, because that sweet sound helped me fall asleep very quickly.

Chapter Text

Dimitri POV

The party that Lissa and Rose were at could be heard for several blocks, not to mention that it was easy to see a mile away by following the multicolored light coming out of the open windows. The music (if that rumbling could be called music) blared loudly, yet it was still drowned down by the cacophony of shouts, laughter, and conversations. Students in various states of undress littered the driveway, some perched on the small walls, others vomiting into trash cans, and still more visible in every window and doorway.

“Jesus,” muttered Christian beside me, unbuckling his seatbelt.

This wasn't the first party of this size at Lehigh we'd seen, nor was it the biggest. Whenever they weren't busy managing the affairs of the Moroi community, the girls took advantage of the lush student life their college town offered. Given the burdens they carried at their age, I was glad to see how drawn they were to such carefree, light-hearted pleasures like poolside parties after finishing their trimester exams.

My Rose wasn't made for a quiet and peaceful life. And while I treasured our soft evenings with mugs of hot chocolate as we watched TV buried in blankets and cuddled up together, I couldn't underestimate who she was becoming in more social settings. Rose burned with an inner flame that was impossible not to notice. She attracted attention, laughed loudly, spoke confidently and fearlessly indulged in dancing, alcohol, and fun with friends.

Her contagious enthusiasm was sometimes enough for me to accompany her to these parties as well. They were definitely not my thing and I could never achieve the same freedom as Rose, but being at her side, I couldn't resist the laid-back atmosphere. I would gladly let her drag me to the dance floor or to the dark rooms, where we could steal a moment for ourselves amidst the chaos.

This time, however, Christian and I stayed at their apartment. We came to stay with them for a few days at the end of the trimester, to stay with them after exams were over and help them pack for the holidays. However, when the girls announced that they were going to a party for their faculty we decided to let them celebrate with their classmates. I drove the girls (and Lissa's guardians), very happy with our decision, when I saw a group of howling, half-dressed frat boys.

A wide smile appeared on Rose's face at the sight of the chaos, music, and lights. She hastily unbuckled her seatbelt and grabbed her purse, but before leaving she turned to me and leaned in for a kiss, reaching out to embrace my face, running her thumb over my cheek. I embraced her neck drawing her to me as our lips melted in a quick kiss. The taste of her cherry lipstick made me want to stay with her for a while longer, even in this unappealing mess.

“Have fun,” I whispered, releasing her from my embrace, “If you need me, call me. I'll be on call.”

Rose flashed one of her maneater smiles on me. Her gorgeous hair cascaded in waves over her exposed shoulders, shimmering with the glitter she had applied earlier. Her outfit - a glittery strapless top and short skirt—clung perfectly to her, accentuating her athletic figure. The makeup she wore was much more expressive and bold than her usual style, but the effect was knockout. As a result, she looked so beautiful that she quite literally took my breath away when she smiled at me.

“Thanks, comrade. Love ya!”

She hastily exited the car and walked over to Lissa, who was equally dressed up and waiting impatiently for her friend. I saw Lissa's guardians deploy to take up farther and closer positions respectively. Rose had the day off, so for all I knew they were going to have a drink with Lissa as part of the celebration. They were quickly joined by a group of their college friends and together they entered the sorority house, which was bustling with life and music.

It wasn't long before I was back at the same address, this time with Christian in the car. Lissa had called me to say that Rose was not feeling well, so I rushed to the car. Christian decided to go with me, to take Rose's place at Lissa's side. His attitude changed almost imperceptibly when he saw the size of the party, which had grown considerably since I drove the girls away. After dark, the party seemed even more impressive.

We pushed our way inside among the students of various degrees of consciousness. Some girls in short dresses at the entrance handed us plastic cups with alcohol. Christian drank his treat without hesitation, and I handed him mine, not intending to get behind the wheel under the influence. 

Following Lissa's directions, which she sent me (with an unusual number of typos), I found the room they were hiding in, adorned with dangling garlands. It was guarded by one of Lissa's guardians, who got into a chat with some female students while covering the door with himself. I met his gaze and pointed to the door, and he, recognizing me and Christian, moved to let us in. 

In the small toilet in the room, we found Lissa sitting next to Rose. leaned over the toilet, resting her cheek on her arm stretched out across the lavatory seat. Her other hand dangled inertly in her lap. Liss sat beside her with a bottle of water and smiled at the sight of us.

“Rose, Dimitri has arrived!” she called out cheerfully. I heard only a groan from Rose as Lissa rose to her feet. “It was all good until Rose thought it was a great idea to make herself a drink of white wine and vodka at the same time.”

Another moan came from Rose's lips. Although the Moroi queen was holding up much better than my girlfriend, I couldn't help but notice her slightly slurred speech and wobbly steps. Christian raised his eyebrows at this sight, attempting to hide a smile.

“Thanks for calling, Liss. I'll take care of her,” I promised, lightly touching Liss's arm. Liss looked at her friend with an expression of worry on her face.

“Maybe I'll stay with you…” she said, but I shook my head and gently directed her towards Christian.

“Don't worry about anything. I'll take Rose home, and you should stay and have fun.” I assured her.

Lissa didn't seem convinced, but when Christian took her over she didn't protest as she followed him, and I knelt by Rose. I didn't understand how, but even in smudged mascara and lipstick, she remained so beautiful in her glittering outfit. Music rumbled from the floor below, but I focused on my girlfriend's heavy breathing as I placed my hand on her lustrous hair.

“It's not what it looks like, comrade,” she muttered barely audibly. Her eyes remained closed, revealing the glitter on her eyelids. I touched her bare shoulder, which seemed both sweaty and cold. I took off my sweatshirt and threw it over her shoulders.

“What is it like, then?” I asked softly.

“I'm conducting an experiment,” her words were barely distinguishable, but her face remained serious. I pushed back the strands of her hair attached to her wet forehead, unable to hold back a smile of amusement.

“I understand. And what are your results so far?”

“Well, I already know how much vodka and wine can be mixed in a drink. Not a drop,” I started to laugh but stopped abruptly when Rose bent over, tensed her abdominal muscles, and, began to throw up, clinging to the toilet. I held her hair back and stroked her back in a soothing rhythm. When it was all over I flushed and handed her toilet paper and water to rinse her mouth, which she accepted with a trembling hand, “Thanks, comrade,” she muttered even more indistinctly.

She sank back on one shoulder again, and I stroked her face. She seemed even more out of it to me than before.

“Rose, why don't I take you home? Can you get up?” I thought it was better not to carry her out almost unconscious, so as not to raise an alarm among students.

“Can we wait a little longer? My head is spinning,” she replied, wrinkling her forehead. I kissed her head.

“Sure. As much as you need. I'm right here with you.”

We waited another half hour, sitting next to each other in the small bathroom. Rose threw up two more times, which left her trembling, so I helped her put on my sweatshirt. It reached her mid-thigh, but she accepted it happily. I stroked her head and tried to get her to drink water. Ivan and I had been to enough parties to know how to take care of her now.

When she finally agreed to try to walk to the car, I gently helped her up. She was barely standing on her feet, so I put my arms around her waist, holding most of her weight. She clung tightly to my shirt and let me lead her into the hallway and outside. Most of the time she kept her eyes closed and her teeth clenched, trying not to throw up.

The fresh air seemed to ease her nausea, as she relaxed her jaw and opened her eyes. I helped her lie down in the back seat, knowing that she wasn't even going to try to sit in the passenger seat. I fastened her seatbelt and set up a plastic bag that she could use if she got sick again.

“I'm sorry, Dimitri” her quiet barely audible whisper pierced my heart. Whether she was apologizing for drinking with Lissa (off duty) or for me having to take care of her, I didn’t like it. I didn't want her to think she needed to apologize to anyone for any of that.

I kissed her forehead, then her nose, and finally her temples, where I paused a tad longer. Rose relaxed under my lips. I brushed her hair off her forehead and put my fingers around her face.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Roza. You had the right to have fun with Lissa, to party with other students, and to make such a stupid mistake as mixing alcohol. And why would you even have an older boyfriend if he didn’t help you in such a situation?” I reassured her.

Rose laughed quietly but immediately wrinkled her nose and forehead when she must have gotten sick. I kissed her quickly again, closed her door, and sat in the driver's seat, determined to get her home. As I started the car I heard her quiet whisper.

“Just drive slowly, okay?”

“You won't even know it when we start,” I promised, and as it soon turned out, I kept my word. Rose fell fast asleep as we started rolling toward her student apartment, where she was about to find herself under a warm quilt, with a bottle of water and an aspirin waiting for her on the nightstand.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

Well, I knew fully well that being bait in a mission to capture the brutal Moroi blood smuggler could be dangerous, but I honestly didn't expect that it could have so many complications.

For weeks, we've been trying to capture Drew and his entire gang. To do so, Dimitri, several other guardians, and I came to the new city incognito and assumed undercover roles. Dimitri assumed the role of the leader of one of the gangs, and the rest of the guardians pretended to be his subordinates. Anyway, as a guardian of the highest rank, he really was our boss. I approached the task a little more creatively and hired myself as an exotic dancer in one of the clubs crowded by enemy gangs.

Long story short, we had no luck gathering clues and evidence; each of our leads turned out to be a dead end. We had less and less time to complete the mission, and so we decided to take a risky step - to lure him with bait in my person. We intended to place me alone in the bar and wait for him to come and take an interest in me. I had seen his gaze on me so many times that I didn't expect him to pass up the opportunity to hit on me while I was alone having a drink. I was going to wear locating devices. If he took me to his place, my team would show up there and neutralize him.

Dimitri was dead against this plan. He refused so adamantly and stubbornly that we really thought we would have to return to the Court empty-handed. Only when I started up a fight, accusing him of underestimating my abilities as a guardian and of including his feelings in decisions about the mission, did he very, very reluctantly agree to the plan. He intended to take care of the tracking system himself and be on the team that would find me once I was there. 

When the final day came, I put on my trusty black dress - one that revealed my shoulders and my back and fell to the ground with a deep split reaching past mid-thigh. I pinned my hair up in a bun, and Dimitri helped me put on a gold necklace, matching earrings, and rings. I hid the GPS transmitters in my stilettos, and in a small purse. I also put my pistol and a silver stake there. I had the other pair of weapons holstered, strapped to my concealed thigh. Dimitri drove me to the bar, his gaze intense and focused as I entered. I winked at him and settled into my position.

Predictably, Drew was already sitting at the bar, sipping his whiskey as he did almost every day. I sat down next to him, asking what he was drinking, earning his slimy gaze up and down my body before I got an answer. My efforts seemed to appeal to him because he quickly engaged in conversation when I ordered the drink he recommended.

Did I feel okay laughing at his off-putting comments? No. Was I comfortable when he placed his sweaty hand on my exposed knee? Of course not. Did I feel a sense of mission to put this man behind the bars? Hell yeah

After some time, I suggested we go to a more private place. I noticed a strange gleam in his eyes but attributed it to his confidence and lust. He escorted me to his car, and I touched my gun through my purse, reminding myself that I was carrying a weapon. I looked around for Dimitri, but just as we had agreed he had driven off somewhere. I didn't want him to drive directly behind us so that Drew wouldn't get suspicious and I would have time to look around when we got there.

I had a bad feeling when we drove in silence, breaking traffic rules. I didn't know if it was Dimitri's doubts that had such an effect on me, or if it was my intuition telling me to be careful. I kept my hand on my purse, hoping that I would have time to reach for my gun faster than my opponent, just in case.

My gun was of little use when we got out of the car in front of an abandoned building, and ten men attacked me. I reached for my gun, but before I could touch it, four men immobilized me against the car. They grabbed my arms, and as I fought wildly to free myself from their grip, Drew reached for my purse. Seeing the gun and GPS transmitter, he smiled wickedly. Despite my efforts, he managed to tear the slit in my dress even deeper, and, noticing the gun and the stake, he snatched them from me and threw them to the pavement.

However, real panic gripped me only when he ordered them to take off my shoes. I don't know how he could have known about the second transmitter, but his intuition did not fail him. I fought as hard as I could to prevent them from removing my stilettos. I knew that as soon as I lost them, Dimitri and the others wouldn't know where to look for me, and by prolonging the fight I was increasing my chances that they would come any moment. However, that didn't happen, and as more thugs held my kicking legs, they removed my shoes and pulled out the transmitter. My heart stopped in my chest as they threw the device away from me.

Drew searched me rather rudely, and when he found no more devices, he had me tied up and thrown into the trunk. I resisted the ropes on my wrists and ankles, yelled at them, and threatened all kinds of revenge, but when I was forcibly thrown into the dark trunk I had no room to maneuver.

I couldn't concentrate on figuring out an escape plan, because I kept thinking of what would happen when Dimitri arrived at the site of my GPS and saw only my scattered accessories. Or enemies waiting for him. In any case, if we survive this, he won't give me peace until I die.

I was thrown into the fucking basement and tied to a metal chair. I yanked, leaving bloody marks on my wrists, and cursed at the guys, who finally tied me up so tightly that I couldn't move. Drew and other thugs came into my interrogation room and he rolled up the sleeves of his dirty shirt. I bared my teeth and growled at him furiously.

“Okay, bitch. Now tell me,” he moved so close to me that I could feel his sour breath on my cheek, “who sent you?”

“Your mum,” I hissed. He swung and slapped me so hard that I thought some bone had shifted out of place. The skin of my face burned, but I didn't show any pain, just sent him a hateful glaze and bared my teeth even wider. Fury was boiling in my veins, and even though it wasn't the most rational behavior, I was going to put up a fight.

“I'll ask again,” he growled at me, grabbing my chin so hard that I had no doubt he bruised it. “Who do you work for?”

“Suck my dick,” I spat.  He punched me right in the face with his fist. My head flew back, and for a moment I saw stars. Blood ran down my mouth, and when I regained my sight, I saw Drew shaking his fist, as if this blow had caused him pain as well.

The next half hour passed in a similar manner. For every question he asked, I found a completely new, vulgar answer that insulted him, his colleagues and quite often his mother. For each snarky answer I received increasingly severe physical punishment. I heard ringing in my ears. I couldn't see well out of my blackened, blood-soaked eye, and I was speaking less and less clearly through my swollen lips. But that didn't stop me from shouting my threats and curses at them, unloading all the rage burning in my veins. Fury overshadowed everything else - I neither felt fear nor thought rationally.

In fact, I didn't even have time to feel panic or dread, because during my fruitless questioning, we heard gunshots and screams. Drew moved away from me, but didn't have time to react when the basement door opened with a bang, and through it rushed Dimitri and the other guardians, who quickly outnumbered my tormentors.

My boyfriend threw himself at Drew, which was far more satisfying for me to watch than I would have expected. Dimitri grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and dealt him a blow right in the face, growling something I didn't hear over the sounds of other fights. My colleagues quickly dealt with the kidnappers, who, in various states of consciousness, were quickly led out of the basement upstairs.

Dimitri came running to me, handing Drew over to another guardian, and as soon as he saw what state I was in, fury flashed in his eyes.

“I'm going to kill him,” he growled, moving his thumb gently across my sensitive cheek. He immediately started cutting my bonds.

“I think I deserved the privilege to be mine. Or at least the chance to repay the favor.”

My bonds let go, and I let out a relieved sigh as the rough material stopped irritating my bloody skin. Dimitri moved in front of me and knelt, grasping my face in his hands, but doing it so gently as if he were just trying to brush air around my skin. He was as careful as possible not to let anything hurt me as he analyzed my injuries with his pain-filled eyes.

“You weren't supposed to get hurt,” he mouthed in a pained voice. I felt bad, although there was no reprimand or even a shadow of " I told you so" in his voice. He only regretted that this happened and he hadn’t been able to stop it.

“Come on, you were the only one who tried to prevent it. I was sooo into this idea, and hell, maybe it was worth it after all, now that we got him and his partners.”

Dimitri shook his head slightly. For him, no mission success was worth the sight before him. But well, he was biased.

“I only care that we got you,” he leaned toward me and placed a brief kiss on my forehead. As he pulled away, a new thought suddenly dawned on me.

“How did you know where to look for me? They left the transmitters in that parking lot.”

Dimitri smiled sadly and tapped his finger on the necklace he had helped me put on that evening.

“You didn't think I'd let you go as a bait without maximum security, did you? I just regret that none of us followed you as soon as you set off.”

I looked at the necklace and snorted. The string was so thin and the pendant was so flat that I had no idea where Dimitri could have put the locating tool, but I couldn't help the smile pressing to my lips.

“You are pretty sly, Belikov.”

Dimitri also snorted and stood up, reaching out to me and helping me stand on my own two feet.

“You make me push my limits,” I laughed, as he put his arms around my waist and led me to the upstairs bathroom. He had someone bring a first aid kit, and while the others were busy tying up and questioning the smugglers, he gently washed and bandaged my wounds as best he could under the circumstances. 

I lost myself in his gentle treatments, feeling more and more calm and safe thanks to his presence. In the small cramped bathroom, he leaned me against the countertop and gently flushed the bleeding with gauze, his other hand holding my face in a tender embrace. I closed my eyes, letting him work in concentration. I let my thoughts drift away, knowing that as long as I could hear his steady breathing and feel his warm fingers on my skin, nothing bad could happen to me.

Chapter Text

Dimitri POV

Leading missions to find and kill Strigoi was challenging, especially considering I had to supervise all the guardians, including my spirited girlfriend, Rose. However, that didn’t stop Rose from treating my orders as mere suggestions and acting independently, which often drove me insane.

I dispatched guardians in pairs to search an old, abandoned estate where, according to our sources, a pack of Strigoi had taken up residence. As much as I wanted to go with Rose, this time, as commander-in-chief, I had to deal with the disposition of forces and I joined the group raiding the most likely location of the hideout. I sent Rose and her partner on the perimeter to the farthest (and most safe) houses. If there was no one there, she would join the fight anyway, but the chances were that she would miss at least the first moment of surprise. She sent me a furious look while moving away, knowing full well why I had sent her there.

In the hideout of the Strigoi, we encountered a smaller number than expected and dealt with them quite efficiently. After the fight, I contacted each pair to inquire if anyone required assistance. One group said they had found another hideout, so I sent all the guardians there. 

I rushed into the ongoing battle and joined a lone guardian fighting a Strigoi. As other guardians joined in and we gained the upper hand against the Strigoi, we finished off more and more monsters. I caught a glimpse of Rose’s partner for a second, but I couldn't see her anywhere, so I focused on finishing off the enemies, which took us relatively little time.

When it was all over I ordered to dispose of the bodies of Strigoi and to take care of wounded guardians. I was relieved that no one was killed or seriously harmed. I was pressing the gauze to the cut on my temple when I spotted Steven again, who was paired with Rose. I still couldn’t find her anywhere.

“Hey, Steven, where is Rose?” I asked him. The guardian froze and slowly turned to look me in the eye. The concern on his face made my insides clench.

“She wanted to see one of the houses we had already checked. I wanted to run as fast as possible to the call, so she said she would just look there and come to us.”

Not once during the battle with the monsters did I feel such a strong fear as the one that caught my heart at Steven's words. My head whirled as I reached for the earpiece, dialing Rose's number, which I knew by heart.

“Rose, can you hear me?” I asked, feeling disconnected from my body.

Every second of silence drained the last remnants of my sanity.  I looked at Steven, feeling empty inside.

“Where did she run to?” I asked in a blank voice. He gave me directions, and I dashed running in that direction. If I had taken even one second to think about it I probably would have called back up, but I didn't wait a second, running as fast as I could in Rose's direction.

I found one of the small abandoned houses following Steven's directions. I ran through the door with my stake in hand, ready to throw myself into the fight and help Rose. However, I wasn't ready for the sound of complete silence, signifying that Rose's fight was already over.

I looked around desperately, searching for her defeated opponent or any sign of her. In the abandoned building, a cloud of dust floated over the broken, moldy furniture, but I saw no one inside. I wanted to call out her name, but when I saw the bloodstained tiles on the floor my voice was trapped in my throat, and with it, my heart stopped.

I followed the trail of blood and in the next room discovered traces of further struggle. I gripped the broken kitchen cabinets, surveying the bloody surfaces and shattered glass from the cupboards. Blood on the countertop, on the chairs, on the windows. I tightened my fingers on the stake, ready to kill whoever hurt Rose.

I halted abruptly when, amidst the ringing in my ears, I discerned the sound of water splashing from another room. I directed my steps in that direction, being careful not to make any sound as I moved. My heart began to beat rapidly as I prepared to throw myself on my opponent. I was set to fight until I could screw information out of him about what had happened to Rose. Until I sank the very edge of my stake deep into his heart. 

I swung open the door to the bathroom and the stake slipped out of my hand.

"Rose," I breathed out, relief flooding through me as her name escaped my lips. Startled, she leaped up and grabbed her stake from the countertop, but her tense posture relaxed into relief upon seeing me.

Slowly, I approached her, carefully assessing the wounds on her body. The deep cuts on her forearms, and on her two hands were striking. The long, jagged wounds looked like both deep scratches and bites. Her face also showed a cut above her eyebrow, which was bleeding, and numerous scratches on her cheeks. Her shirt was torn and all her clothes were dirty from dust.

But all this didn't matter, because she was standing on her own two feet, looking at me, and breathing. She was alive. The part of my mind that had been considering the other alternative calmed down, and I felt that I could breathe normally again and that I was standing confidently on my feet again.

And now she was also assessing me, and her eyes widened with fear when she looked at my face.

“What happened to you?” she asked, frightened. I touched my hand to the temple she was looking at, vaguely recalling that I had an injury there.

“What happened to me? What happened to you ? I thought you were dead!”

Rose grimaced and looked away to turn off the running water and show her wounded arms.

“I know, I'm sorry. It was such a stupid mistake, I should have waited, or at least made Steven come with me. Rookie mistake, really.”

Gently, I took her hands, assessing the bruises and the severity of the wounds. The gashes, rinsed under cold water, began to bleed again. I couldn't see anything in sight clean enough to serve as gauze, so I gently directed her hands again under the cold water stream.

“What happened?” I asked more gently. Rose sighed.

“It seemed to me that we had missed one house, and Steven insisted that we had checked them all. You called out to us, but I wanted to make sure no one was there, so I told him to run for the call, and when I was sure it was clear I would join you. Guess what, it wasn't clear, and the bastard was waiting for me.”

“Why didn't you call for backup?” I asked. She showed me her empty ear.

“At the beginning of the fight, I lost the earpiece, or he pulled it out. I couldn’t call.”

I ran my hand gently over her scratched cheek, catching it in my hands and analyzing the wounds on it. However, I found it difficult to focus on the gashes when I held her warm, familiar face in my hands when I looked into my beloved eyes and felt nothing but overwhelming relief that nothing had happened to her.

Leaning in, I pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead, unable to pull away. She also relaxed, nestling closer to me, seeking warmth and, perhaps, safety. I put my arms around her, feeling better holding her close.

“You can never do that again, okay? Never.”

“I know, I know. Scout's honor.”

I shook my head in exasperation; she had never been a scout, and we both knew it. She laughed softly.

I led her out of the abandoned house straight to the medical team. I stood beside her as the medics dressed her wounds and stitched up the worst cuts. I organized other guardians and their actions, but I kept Rose always in my sight. Steven and everyone who stuck close to me listened to a long lecture about how they can never, under no circumstances, separate from their pair, even if their partners behave irrationally and insist on splitting up. Rose whispered "I'm sorry," to Steven, who measured her with a theatrically angry look, although the relief on his face betrayed his true feelings. 

When we had dealt with everything I ordered the return to the Court and set off with our whole team. I settled down in the seat next to Rose, unable to bear the thought of driving several hours home without any physical contact to ground me in reality. One that would remind me that nothing had happened to her, that she was napping peacefully leaning against my shoulder and snuggled against me. That the blood-stains on the tiles in that abandoned house weren't the end of my world; they were just a clue guiding me back home.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

Our undercover mission had many advantages. The first plus was certainly how quickly we got to various information and how much we could do without revealing our identities. Additionally, blending in as gang members and dancers allowed us to prevent more crime within the communities we infiltrated. Although I wouldn't admit it to anyone, seeing Dimitri in that sexy gang leader role was a treat for me. I also took great pleasure in dancing on stage, though I never expected to.

Unfortunately, there were also disadvantages - first, our roles often compromised our safety. Second, we were often involved in very dangerous situations. Third, we were separated - I couldn't be caught with Dimitri and the other guardians, or our false identities could be questioned. Because of this, I sometimes didn’t see my boyfriend for a week or two before he called a meeting. That evening, however, I tasted one of those less pleasant downsides of my role as a dancer - unwanted admirers.

I’d already experienced being chased, accosted, and even threatened. When I didn't have witnesses, I dealt with the attackers on my own. After all, they were usually drunk humans who posed little threat to a trained guardian like me. I could usually handle them, but only if I knew no one saw me in action. After all, a petite dancer shouldn't be able to knock down three men at once.

Just that evening I was unlucky. Coming out after a long shift, sticky from sweat and exhausted from exertion, I noticed a suspicious type not far from the dancers' exit. He was smoking a cigarette, and upon closer inspection, I recognized him as a member of a rival gang that had been eyeing me with a creepy gaze for some time. I tensed up, ready for a fight, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw the bodyguards from the club. They were so far away that I couldn't catch eye contact with them, but they would undoubtedly see if I started a fight. 

I realized that I had to assume the role of a helpless dancer. My heart started pounding in my chest, as fear crept all over me. If I couldn't defend myself... I was left at the mercy of the guy. I could only hope the bodyguards would interfere.

Of course, the guy accosted me, and when I tried to evade him he grabbed my arm so hard that he no doubt bruised me. He pressed me against the wall, and I hit my head so hard I saw stars for a second.

“Hel…” I wanted to cry out, but his hand instantly landed on my face. My head flew back and my cheek began to burn.

“Shut up, you stupid cunt,” he growled, pressing himself tighter to me. I certainly wasn't going to listen to him.

“Help!” I shouted as loud as I could. My tormentor raised his hand and struck me in the face with all his strength, and I fell on the dirty asphalt. My ears were ringing and I felt blood in my mouth, but fortunately, the bodyguards had already intervened and subdued my attacker. I tried to stop the blood leaking from my mouth as they ground him down and dragged him away from me.

One of the bodyguards approached me and made a quick assessment of my condition. He stated that probably nothing was broken, although my face would need a few more days to recover. He offered to bandage me up inside or take me to the hospital, but I insisted that he order a cab to my apartment. I didn't want to go to a human hospital, and I doubted that he knew more about first aid than I did.

In the cab, I hesitated about whether to call Dimitri. My hand trembled over my phone, wanting to give in to the temptation to call him. I knew that without delay he would come and take care of me. But there was another important issue that kept me from dialing his number. Dimitri was already behaving very protectively toward me, which annoyed me when he stopped treating me like other guardians. I didn't want to give him any more reasons to worry and overthink. I regretfully put the phone down and didn't call him.

The sun had already risen when I reached my cheap apartment. At least it was good enough that no Strigoi could attack me anymore. Small blessings.

However, any sense of relief vanished when I opened the door to my apartment and heard movement in the kitchen. My heart stopped in my chest at the thought that I would still have to deal with the burglar after tonight’s incident. But at least now I had no witnesses. I took the gun out of my hand and walked slowly into the apartment, focusing all my attention on the gun in my hand rather than the shrill rhythm of my heart and soft knees.

But then I saw the familiar duster hung neatly on a hanger, with well-known shoes placed underneath.

"Dimitri?" I asked, a wave of relief washing over me at the sight of my boyfriend in the apartment, causing me to forget all the reasons I hesitated to call him.

“Hey! I’m sorry for coming without notice, but it's been so long since I've seen you, and I thought you’d maybe like to have a breakf…” his words trailed off as he leaned out of the kitchen and caught sight of my face. The happy smile on his face vanished, replaced by a look of surprise and concern. He tossed aside the kitchen cloth he was holding and hurriedly approached me without taking his eyes off me. 

He embraced the healthy half of my face firmly as his eyes closely traced each injury. From the wound above my eyebrow to the bruise on my cheek, colored by the mark from the first slap, to the cut lip. As he analyzed the injuries on my face, fury appeared in his eyes.

“Who did this to you?” He asked quietly, but the threat contained in those five words sounded more dire than if he had shouted them. His voice was filled with power and fury that made me shiver, even though they were not directed at me.

“It doesn't matter, Dimitri,” I said. “I would have defended myself, but I had witnesses and couldn't…”

“Who. Did. This. To. You." he repeated with even greater force, accentuating each word. Dimitri's serious expression confirmed he was not joking. The intensity in his eyes made me stop breathing, let alone find the strength to argue with him.

“One of them, from Michael's gang. He was interested in me for a while. Short, has a red beard but he’s bald.”

Dimitri nodded, knowing who I was speaking about. He ran his finger gently over my wounded cheek; when I winced, his expression softened immediately. Fury gave way to concern.

“What happened?”

I told him everything, including why I hadn't defended myself, and what happened when the bodyguards ran to me. He nodded, thinking intensely about everything, but led me to the couch. He set about gathering the necessary items for the first aid kit.

In the living room, I saw what he had prepared for me and I couldn’t move. Pancakes with Nutella, whipped cream and strawberries were waiting for me on the countertop, and in a vase (which I didn't even know I had) stood beautiful, fresh carnations. My eyes watered at the thought that I was going to avoid him so as not to admit what had happened. 

When he returned with the first aid kit, I hugged him tightly. He froze for a moment, surprised, but reciprocated the hug, kissing the top of my head.

“Thank you. It's a wonderful surprise, really,” I murmured into the material of his sweatshirt.

“I had a hunch," he muttered, pushing me gently away from him to meet my gaze… “You weren't going to tell me about it, were you?”

I escaped with my eyes from his penetrating eyes. 

“I didn't want you to patronize me even more. I already stand apart from the group when I play the role of a helpless dancer, and I don't want others to think I'm incapable of taking care of myself.”

Dimitri gently shook his head, mussing my healthy cheek with his thumb.

“Rose, you have proven a thousand times that you are one of the most skilled and capable guardians out there. And our job here is to take care of each other. If any of the guardians were in such a vulnerable position they would get support,” he found my eyes to make sure I understood. His gaze was so gentle and caring that I felt like melting into it. “And this will also happen in your case.”

“Can we negotiate it later?” I asked and grimaced as I touched my wounded cheek. “For example, when my face is no longer burning?”

Dimitri immediately started all the necessary procedures. He told me to hold an ice pack, while he placed the straps to the cuts above my eyebrows. My sweatshirt slid a little when I shifted to have a better grip on the ice in my hands, and Dimitri's gaze went to my shoulder and he cursed ugly in Russian. I looked in that direction and saw the dark bruises from my attacker's fingers. Fury shone in his eyes.

“I'll kill him,” he growled, but I shook my head.

“Oh, come on,” I replied, putting on my sweatshirt.

With an effort, Dimitri tore his gaze away from my covered arm and returned to his activities. He couldn't find the cream we usually used to speed up the healing process, so he offered to go to the drugstore for it.

“I'll be back before you know it,” he promised, handing me a plate with breakfast and kissing me on the forehead. I didn't want him to go, but on the other hand, I was feeling more and more pain on the right side of my face and would welcome any pharmacological help. I took a sip of painkillers and after eating the treats Dimitri had prepared, I took a little nap on the couch.

Dimitri really was back faster than I had time to wake up. I heard him washing his hands in the bathroom, and the sound of water woke me up. He smiled at me as I struggled to crawl out from under the blankets, still half-asleep.

“We have everything now” he announced gently, showing me a tube of ointment. He sat down next to me, and only when he began to unscrew the tube did I notice his injured knuckles.

“Dimitri!” I shouted indignantly, grabbing his hands to inspect the injuries Red scratches and purple bruises adorned his knuckles, and I was certain they hadn't been there before. He squeezed my hands.

“It's nothing, Roza, I promise. He'll be fine, too. After some time.”

I slowly lifted my gaze from his wounded hands to his eyes, full of peace and affection. He must have read disbelief from my face, because he lightly, almost defensively, shrugged his shoulders.

“You shouldn't have,” I said with a reprimand in my voice.

“If you don't agree to the backup, I have to do everything I can to guarantee your safety. And I'm not going to let anyone touch you,” he uttered the last sentence with such dominance and power, so atypical for him that for a moment I couldn't find the words. I felt my breath quicken and my cheeks flush.

“I really should be more annoyed than turned on right now.”

Dimitri relaxed a little and gave me one of his sincere, full smiles. He unscrewed the soothing ointment cream and began applying it to my injuries.

“Today, you need to focus on recovering. You'll have a few days off from the club after what happened.”

“A few days off,” I repeated, unable to hide my delight. I leaned forward, keeping my lips just an inch from his. I felt his warm breath on my skin, giving me pleasant shivers. “And I intend to spend them exclusively in bed.”

Dimitri was very careful as he leaned in to kiss my wounded lips. But there was no doubt that he understood how I intended to spend these few days off.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

I started noticing the first changes a few days after waking up from Tasha's shooting. I thought the constant coldness, the vague, throbbing headaches, and the auras in the corners of my vision were simply part of my recovery from the severe heart surgery. The doctors weren't overly concerned about these symptoms, assuring me they would most likely disappear with time.

I realized they had one very dark common origin when I first tried to cross the magic barrier protecting the Court. I had learned to deal with the ghosts that existed in the world, but after rising from the dead for the second time, it seemed the spirits could attack me with double force. They took on even more tangible forms, so I could feel their touch when they clamped their hands around my neck and hear their moans when they howled in my ear. The worst part was the throbbing pain in my head as if someone was trying to break it with an ax.

I fell to my knees, clutching my head and screaming shrilly. I didn't hear the panicked questions about what was happening to me, but I felt Dimitri take me in his arms and carry me back to the Court. As soon as I was within safe boundaries, I breathed a sigh of relief and lost consciousness.

During the night I woke up covered in cold sweat. The freezing sensation never left me. I seemed to hear whispers in my sleep, only to wake up in Dimitri's caring arms, desperately trying to catch my breath. He would wake up too, stroking and cuddling me until I fell asleep, but sometimes the ghastly cold wouldn't let me relax even for a moment. Whenever I managed to force myself to rest, on the border between sleep and waking, the souls of the dead would haunt me. I would see their faces before my eyes and hear their whispers in my ears.

I also saw dark flashes in the corners of my vision, in the reflections of mirrors and glass surfaces. I never saw a ghost's face inside the Court, but fast-moving shadows accompanied me at every turn. 

Dimitri was the first to notice something wasn't right and tried to ask me gently what was happening to me. However, I couldn't put into words the sense of bottomless abyss that I sometimes felt close to my heart. I couldn't describe the constant chill that enveloped my skin, sometimes freezing my heart and paralyzing my thoughts. I knew he was worried about me, but I couldn't offer any explanation. 

It seemed as if the world was too intense, the colors too strong for my eyes, and people's laughter unnaturally loud. I knew this connection to death was beginning to reverberate in me again when I lost my appetite, couldn't sleep, and felt I was slowly losing myself, piece by piece.

I snapped one day while walking home after my shift, bumping into the overhanging leaves of a beautiful willow tree near the sidewalk in one of the Court’s open spaces. Annoyed, I moved the green branches to disentangle myself and froze as the leaves turned brown and fell to the ground after my touch. 

I couldn’t breathe as I stared at the withered plant I had just brought to death. With a trembling hand, I touched another healthy green branch and watched in horror as it wilted, collapsed into itself, and fell dead from the tree.

I covered my mouth to stifle my scream and started running. I didn’t realize where I was going until I found myself in front of the great cathedral on the Court grounds. I entered through the open door and sat in one of the last pews. Ignoring decorum, I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged myself tightly, feeling my whole body tremble.

I had feared that my connection to death would increase even more. Victor Dashkov warned me about the negative effects of being Shadow Kissed, but even he didn't foresee that one could touch death twice and come back to life. 

What if I came back incomplete, broken? What if the soul could not remain the same after returning? What if I could never again lead a normal, happy life? What if I always felt as if I belonged to the world of death?

“Rose?” I heard a woman's soft voice and raised my eyes. Sonia Karp was standing at the entrance to my pew and looking at me with concern. I hadn’t realized tears were streaming down my cheeks until I felt them dripping onto my hands.

“I think something is wrong,” I whispered before I could stop myself. Sonia sat close and brushed my hair away from my face in a caring gesture. Her perceptive eyes watched me intently, and I had no doubt that she had just studied my aura.

“What is wrong?” she asked softly. I don't know if it was the natural charisma of the spirit users or her caring gaze that prompted me to open up to her. Perhaps it was the fact that she was also dealing with regaining her soul and I thought she wouldn't judge me. In any case, I spilled all my fears and my symptoms, ending my story with my eyes closed, admitting what I had done to the poor willow. Sonia kept her hands on my shoulders the whole time and listened intently, even though I didn’t dare look at her.

“I'm afraid... that it will be like this forever. That I won't be able to enjoy the life I so desperately wanted to steal from death,” I mouthed, and her hand tightened on my shoulder.

“Rose, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how stressful this must be,” she said, taking a deep breath and continuing to massage my arm. “I know you’re the only person we know who has risen from death twice, but I believe that, in time, your will to live will overpower this connection to death.”

I looked at her with watery eyes, wanting to believe her but afraid to hope. No one knew what was going to happen, not even her. In the way her eyes softened, I could tell she understood.

“Your aura is very... complicated. It's much darker than before but in a different way. Previously, your aura had a dark coating with shadows looming underneath. Now, those shadows are gone, but the shell appears darker to me. I also see many bright emotions, much more intense than in others.”

“What does this mean?” I asked, feeling a pain in my forehead.

“I think it means your connection to death is stronger, but you’re not receiving the negative effects of the spirit from Lissa. The stronger your mark of death, the more vivid your emotions. Right now, it’s dominated by fear and anxiety, but I also see positive emotions. I see a lot of love, brighter than before.”

I sighed, immersed in my thoughts. It was true—I perceived everything more intensely as if my heart had a greater sensitivity to all the stimuli around me. Lately, these emotions felt unbearable, too piercing, too... vivid. What if I could dive into that intensity, and embrace life even more fully than before? Could I participate in life as I once did, or even more fully?

“What should I do?” I asked her. She sighed, looking at me thoughtfully, and brushed the hair from my forehead.

“It seems to me that you just have to ... live. Surround yourself with everything that makes you feel alive, anchored to this world. Your aura doesn’t lie. You are alive, even if marked by death. Only through your persistence will you be able to overcome this marking.”

We sat in silence for a while.

“What about the... tree?” I asked quietly. Sonia nodded.

“We will work on it. You, me, Lissa, and Adrian. You are not alone in this, Rose. We continue to discover the most diverse secrets of the spirit... It's also time to learn the secrets of Shadow Kissed.”

I found her hand and squeezed it. 

“Thank you, Sonia,” I said sincerely. I felt much calmer and grounded after confiding in her and listening to her advice. “But I have to go. I have to talk to Dimitri about this.”

“Finally,” Sonia smiled slightly. ”At our meetings, he doesn't want to talk about anything other than how worried he is about you.”

I rolled my eyes and started walking toward our house. I passed the willow tree without glancing in its direction, afraid that if I looked at it, my courage and determination to talk to Dimitri would crumble.

He was nowhere to be seen in the house, though I noticed his shoes and duster in the hall. I started to worry until I saw the balcony door open. I looked outside and found him deep in thought, watching the sunrise. Despite the concern etched on his face, he looked like the epitome of peace in the dawn's light. Maybe because of this illusion of bliss, I forced myself to step onto the balcony.

“Hey,” I whispered, matching the calm mood. Dimitri's eyes flickered to me, as he smiled gently, but the smile fell from his lips at the sight of my eyes.

“Rose, what happened?” he asked, standing up. I quickly walked over, grabbed his hand, and pulled him to the couch with me. He squeezed my hand, encouraging me to speak.

“Can we talk?” I asked, and he nodded, deadly serious. I took a deep, shuddering breath. “I know I've been acting strangely since Tasha shot me. I thought it had to do with being Shadow Kissed, and I didn’t know how to put it into words, but I'm ready now. It seems to me...” a tear escaped as I took another shuddering breath, “...it seems to me that I came back wrong, incomplete.”

I told him everything I was experiencing, occasionally glancing at his fully focused eyes and the picturesque landscape outside. I couldn't stop the tears as I shared my worst fears with the man I had fought so hard to build a life with.

When I finished, I squeezed his hands tightly, holding my breath and waiting for his response. Chills ran down my spine as he brought my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles.

“Roza, you could never come back wrong. Even if with consequences, and severe ones at that, it is never wrong. The fact that you came back would always be nothing but perfectly right to me.”

I began to cry and threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He hugged me tightly, helping me sit on his lap. I buried my face in the space between his neck and shoulder, and he held me as close as possible.

“As long as you came back, we'll deal with everything else, I promise. Whatever I can do to help you, I will. You are not alone.”

“I don't know if anything can help me,” I whispered, letting my tears fall onto his skin. I felt his lips press against my temple.

“Then we will do everything to help you in this new reality. Step by step we'll manage it all. And I’ll be by your side every step of the way.”

I continued to cry in his arms as he whispered quiet words of support, love, and comfort in my ear. I couldn't yet believe that everything would be alright, but at least in his arms, I felt alive and loved. These feelings helped me calm down and hold onto the tiniest piece of hope in my heart.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

We should have expected anything on the anniversary of the attack on St. Vladimir's Academy, but we didn't know that Strigois could be so pathetically vindictive. What we didn't expect was that they would gather in a large group, pierce the magical protection around the school, and start a bloody repeat of the attack. It actually made sense considering, how many important personalities, including the queen, showed up for the celebration.

I was also taken by surprise. I was already off my shift, so I thought I'd dress in something fancier than my usual black slacks and shirt - and yeah, it was a mistake. I wore a long skirt that was nowhere near suitable for a fight. At least the thigh-high slit provided quick access to the stake I had hidden underneath

The Strigois attacked us while Dimitri was holding me in an embrace outside the building when the emotions were becoming a little too overwhelming for me. Suddenly, I felt a sharp sting of unnatural nausea and knew what was coming. I pushed Dimitri away and threw myself at the Strigoi who was trying to sneak up on us, taking away her element of surprise. Dimitri quickly joined me, notifying the other guardians about the attack through the microphone that all the guards carried.

I kicked the Strigoi, who was too close for me to strike with my stake. My kick sent her to the floor, where Dimitri instantly rushed over to her, piercing her heart. I didn't have time to see her dying as I had to attack the Strigoi waiting behind Dimitri's back. He didn't have time to touch my boyfriend when I knocked him to the floor and wounded him in the face with my stake. He screamed shrilly, but before he could push me away, my stake plunged deep into his heart.

“Come on, they need help at the entrance,” Dimitri was panting, giving me a hand and helping me up. We ran to the entrance, where the guardians were outnumbered by a group of Strigoi. We threw ourselves to aiding the most vulnerable guardians.

I don't know how long we fought; just like the previous year, it seemed they just kept coming at us. I desperately wanted to get to Lissa and see if she was safe, but I heard on the microphone that she was protected, so I stayed to defend the entrance. At one point, I was thrown to the ground, ripping the skin on my face and hands. Another blow to my ribs left me breathless, and I was sure my ribs had sustained some damage. Another guardian quickly knocked down the Strigoi in front of me, but I had to return to the battle as soon as I could catch my breath.

We did our best, but several guardians were injured. Some didn't get up after the Strigois’ blows; others were thrown against the walls of buildings so hard that they lost consciousness. I also saw a Strigoi bite into the face of one guardian, leaving behind a bloody mass of muscle and blood. I tore her away from the guardian and dragged her into the fight, but I didn't get a chance to see if the girl survived. I only saw someone else dragging her away from the battle site.

My gaze often fell on Dimitri, who was never far from me. I saw a bloody wound on his forehead and I thought I saw a flash of blood on his arm, but other than that, he was fine. I knew he also tried to stay close to me and react when I was at risk.

We fought until we defeated all the Strigoi trying to get inside. Dimitri, the others, and I ran inside, where the guards were defending all the ceremony guests. With our help, they quickly finished off the Strigoi in the middle of the big hall, and finally, I felt someone gripping my arm. I reflexively nearly stabbed him before realizing it was my boss, Harvey, who stopped my arm before I could lift it.

“Where is the queen?!" he shouted in panic. Harvey was the head of the Royal Guard, and I had never seen him angered. I had never even heard his raised voice. At the sight of the deep terror in his eyes, my blood froze.

“What do you mean, where is she?!” I screamed in response. “You were the ones protecting her!”

“But she ran to you!” he shouted back. A circle of people gathered around us, awaiting my answer, including Christian, who had turned deathly pale. For the moment, I didn't care about finding out who had seen her last and who had fucked up the job of protecting her. All I cared about was that my friend was missing and in danger. Harvey shouted something to me, but I didn't respond, as I moved into Lissa's mind.

The strong hands of the monsters held her with a brutality she wasn't used to. Earlier, she had tried to scream, so they put a cloth gag in her mouth. It choked her as she tried to hold back tears and look around for anything that would help me find her. Finally, her eyes landed on an old cabin in the woods.

“THEY HAVE HER! They are near the cabin!” I cried, breaking away from Harvey and rushing as fast as I could in her direction.

I ran as hard as I could, not looking back to see who was following me, although I knew that Dimitri was keeping pace with me, followed by the entire Royal Guard and Christian in the distance. I didn't feel the fatigue in my legs, but my lungs began to burn from the sprint as we tried to outrun the time and reach Lissa. We didn't even slow down for a second as we rushed towards her.

It wasn't until we saw a group of Strigoi with a struggling Lissa that I realized they were expecting us.

Lissa stood between them, held by one of the Strigoi, who put a knife to her throat.

“Do not take another step, or I’ll slit her throat.”

We stood still. I raised my hand to signal that no one should approach her.

“If you even try to set us on fire, your queen will pay the price.”

Breathing heavily after sprinting, I assessed the situation. Our groups were about equal in number, but it didn't matter since they had Lissa closer to them. My friend looked fearfully into my eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks onto her dirty face, leaving trickles of mascara behind. Her hair had come loose from the intricately braided bun.

She looked at me, and for a second I absorbed her emotions. I saw myself standing across from her with rage clear on my face. She saw my bloody hands, tense face, torn skirt, and the vengeful anger in my eyes. In her emotions, I felt fear not only for her but also for me, for Christian standing behind me, and for the others. She knew we couldn't win.

“Leave her, and we'll let you go,” Harvey said, trying to sound composed. He stood with his stake extended, ready to leap into battle. 

The Strigoi laughed ominously, sending shivers down my spine. Lissa closed her eyes, trembling with fear.

“You will let us go? If you attack us, the queen will die. If you leave us... Well, the queen will start a new life.”

He smiled cruelly, knowing we were in a losing position. I desperately looked around at the other guardians, catching Christian's panicked gaze and Dimitri's distraught look. No one knew what to do, so we stood frozen. 

Lissa cried as they began dragging her further into the woods. My heart broke, but then I remembered the Moroi were not the only ones with secret weapons. I found the

 mental barrier inside me that protected me from the world of the dead and let it fall.

The ghosts appeared around us, and the Strogoi stopped in mid-step, terrified. Since I came back to life for the second time, they no longer looked like phantoms; they were not transparent anymore. I could summon them to an almost real form. They were no longer just scary, flying faces - they were real. They could inflict pain and harm on me and the Strigoi.

Putting a mental barrier between me and them was one way to protect myself, so I didn't use their help very often, or at all. They posed as much danger to me as the Strigoi, if not more. But I knew that nothing else mattered now except getting Lissa back.

The souls of defeated guardians and others appeared around us. For a second, we all froze - me, the ghosts, and the Strigoi. But after a moment I whispered, “Kill the Strogoi. Save Lissa.”

The spirits threw themselves at the monsters, and I focused on the one holding Lissa. The soul of the dead guardian launched at the face of the Strigoi, who in bewilderment let go of Lissa, screaming shrilly.

“Christian, now!” I shouted, and the monsters and trees around us burst into flames. I jumped into the fire without hesitation, heedless of the heat, Strigoi, or ghosts. so I quickly grabbed her and pulled her to me as the Strigoi tried to stab her neck with a knife, despite the ghost trying to scratch his eyes out. His knife cut her arm before I pulled her away and kicked him back. At that moment, he burst into flames. 

Another Strigoi rushed at me and Lissa, but before I could shield her with my own body, Dimitri attacked him, allowing me to lead Lissa out of Strigoi’s reach. We ran out of the flames to the other guardians and Christian, who controlled the flames around them. I pulled Lissa close, hugging her, and she readily snuggled into my arms. I cast a quick glance at Dimitri, who was easily finishing off the remaining burning monsters with other guardians.

“Let's get out of here!” I ordered, but before I could take the first step, I felt clawed fingers tighten on my shoulder.

I turned around to see the ghost of a guardian, who dug its nails into my face too quickly for me to step back. I screamed, feeling my skin being ripped apart, but when I raised my hands to my face, there was no blood. When I lifted my eyes, I saw that all the spirits who had helped me save Lissa were now gathered around me.

With murderous expressions on their faces.

They attacked me at once, clawing at me from all sides and delivering breathtaking blows. I tried not to scream, focusing all my power on putting up a mental barrier, but I couldn't even begin to recreate it as the spirits attacked me viciously. My body trembled as I focused on my barrier, and I felt blood running from my nose to my lips.

At the next strike, I fell to my knees. I felt Lissa's warm hands on my shoulders and Dimitri's strong hands holding my body as I bent in half in pain. The spirits obstructed my view of them, but I managed to meet Dimitri's gaze.

“Get her out of here!” I gasped. Lissa was pulled away, but I could hear her screams of protest. Dimitri moved closer, trying to catch my gaze again. I couldn't see him through the mass of ghosts trying to rip at my face, my hair, my body. Every touch they made hurt as if they were lashing out at me in the real world.

“Rose, put up a barrier! Focus on blocking them out!” Dimitri shouted, trying to reach me through the shrill howling of the ghosts. I trembled, trying to put up my mental wall, but I couldn't do it, not with the phantoms trying to tear my body apart.

“No... I can’t…” I moaned, tasting blood in my mouth. Dimitri grabbed my face and forced me to look into his horror-filled eyes. I only saw him for a moment before one of the souls also grabbed my face, trying to jerk my head around.

“Roza, you are stronger than they are! Focus, you have to fight! You have to block the ghosts!” The panic in Dimitri's voice touched my heart, but I feared there was nothing I could do.

This was too much. Too much screaming, too much pain, too much energy. I couldn't stop them, not after giving them so much to attack the Strigoi. I felt myself drifting away as cold claws began to pull me towards the icy abyss between them. I didn't have the strength to fight them, but the warm, iron grip of Dimitri's hand didn't let me go, holding me tightly to him. I focused on his fingers clenched on my shoulders, his warmth radiating through my body.

A scream ripped from my throat as I tried to block out the spirits that wanted to tear me apart. Dimitri held me tightly, begging me to keep fighting and save myself. Every time I felt the world of the dead crushing me, his tense voice brought me back.

I was shaking all over my body as I tried to build the mental barrier brick by brick. Whenever I succeeded in lifting it even a little, an attack from the spirits shattered my progress but I didn’t give up. I tasted blood in my mouth and felt it dripping from my nose, but after what seemed like forever, I locked the spirits away and shielded myself with my mental barrier.

The sudden silence rang in my ears like a bell, and I became motionless as I looked at Dimitri. His grip on my body didn't weaken, and his eyes never left my face. Pain and fear were etched on his face, but when he spoke, his voice was infinitely gentle.

“Rose?”

I didn't have time to answer him before my eyes rolled back into my head and I lost consciousness, falling into his arms.

Chapter Text

Dimitri's POV

I lay with my head in Rose's lap, too weak to move. Her fingers traced slow, soothing motions through my hair as she tried not to laugh too much at my expense.

It all began when Rose's friends and I went to New York. Lissa and Christian wanted to meet one of my old friends who could assist them with political matters at the Court. Initially, it was meant to be a short trip with just the four of us and some other guardians, but Adrian, Jill, Eddie, and Sydney joined us at the last moment. My old friend Igor also brought his girlfriend, Nina, along with her friends. After settling our business matters, we headed into town.

Rose and the rest of the gang quickly befriended the new group, singing karaoke, playing pool, and sharing drinks with them. Personally, I had a great time teaching Rose how to play pool, even though she was terrible at it. However, she didn't seem disappointed as I tried to teach her some techniques, my arm constantly around her waist. 

Around midnight everyone wanted to get back to our apartment, but I just started talking privately with Igor. We spoke about our old friends and acquaintances, about Ivan, and about our current lives, and we didn't want to stop. My shift was over, so I decided to stay while Rose and the others went to our rented apartment. She kissed me goodbye and jokingly told me not to get too crazy. I rolled my eyes, knowing she was mocking me. I wasn't in the habit of overindulging with alcohol, and Rose had never seen me hungover before.

All the more reason for me not to understand what the fuck happened that night. Igor and I ordered stronger drinks as our conversation turned to more serious topics - like Ivan's death and Igor's sister's tragic accident. I still remember the last time we played pool when we decided to change venues to lighten up and have a fun evening.

I didn’t remember anything else after that.

I woke up on the couch in our apartment's common room, with the worst headache of my life and a burning pain in my shoulder. I tried to get up, but at the slightest movement of my head, I felt a paralyzing nausea. I wasn't sure if I'd make it to the toilet in time, so I opted to stay put on the couch. The nausea was so overwhelming that I didn't dare to move, even though I knew my friends would see me soon enough. I felt stupid and embarrassed at the thought of my charge and Lissa, the Moroi queen, seeing me in such a state, but I couldn't muster the strength to get up.

However, I had no reason to worry. My friends were only concerned about my well-being, and they were not judgmental at all. This shouldn't have surprised me, especially considering I've helped them with the aftermath of Lissa and Rose's various college parties. Lissa wanted to heal me with the power of the spirit, but I wouldn't let her waste it on this. Christian, for his part, offered to make me something to eat, but I firmly refused, certain that I would not swallow anything.

For Rose, my situation was absolutely hilarious. As soon as she emerged from our room, she tried (unsuccessfully) to hide a smile. She crouched beside me, gently brushing my hair.

“Hey, I didn't expect you to be up already,” her voice concealed her laughter. "Especially after the way you looked when I let you into the apartment yesterday.”

“You let me in?” I asked, closing my eyes as I tried to recall anything from the events of the previous evening. Rose nodded, lips tightening to suppress her laughter.

“You were fumbling with the keys so much that I had to check if someone was breaking in.”

I sighed heavily.

“Why did you leave me here?”

“Me? You were the one who insisted on staying here instead of coming with me.”

I groaned, burying my face in the pillow. So much for my dignity.

“What happened yesterday?” I asked, looking at her. I still couldn't remember shit. Her eyes lit up with humor.

“I have no idea what happened to you since we parted until you came here.”

I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth, feeling a wave of nausea. If I recall Igor's condition from yesterday correctly, he won't be of any help either.

I felt her fingers on my hair.

“Why don't I get you some electrolytes? And something for pain,” she asked softly, but I could still hear in her voice that she was smiling.

“Yes, please,” I replied, and she immediately returned with electrolytes and a pill, which I quickly swallowed. I drank half a glass before I felt nauseous again. I sank back onto the pillows, and she sat close to my head and played with my hair while drinking her tea. Finally, I suggested she sit comfortably with a backrest. I then laid my head on her lap, letting her continue to stroke my hair in slow motions. Despite the horrible headache and nausea, I had to admit it was quite a pleasant position.

Christian was cooking some breakfast, Lissa next to him, and although I knew I should have eaten something, I didn't have the courage to do so, at least for now. Rose continued to sit next to me, watching some talent show, and I was napping in her lap when the door to our apartment opened.

“Hi everyone!” yelled Jill singingly. I groaned quietly, and Rose giggled, “Gosh, Dimitri, are you all right? “

“He’s fine, Jill,” replied Rose cheerfully, relishing the situation. “You can see for yourself what happens when you drink too much. Dimitri agreed to demonstrate.” 

"It's cruel, Rose, to kick a man while he's down like that,” teased Eddie.

“Thanks, Eddie,” I said, closing my eyes as a wave of nausea hit me again. Rose resumed stroking my hair as they joined Christian and Lissa for breakfast. I was about to suggest to Rose that she go eat too, but I heard Adrian's voice as he greeted the others. I groaned into Rose's lap, “This is my nightmare.”

Rose laughed out loud, hugging me closer to her.

“Jeez, Belikov, you look exactly like the reason why I don't drink anymore,” came his charming comment.

Rose laughed, and I sighed.

“That's very wise of you, Adrian.”

“What did you and Igor drink yesterday, anyway? Raid a whole vodka stockpile in New York?”

“Come to the table and stop torturing him,” Sydney said gently and dragged Adrian to the table when she saw that I turned pale at the mere mention of alcohol. I squeezed Rose's knee.

“You should eat something too,” I whispered to her. She gently stroked my cheek.

“How about you? You will feel better when you have something in your stomach, especially something fatty. Trust me, I speak from experience,” she snorted with laughter. I shook my head. I had a craving for fatty food it's true, but I saw no way to swallow something and not throw it up.

“Maybe in a little while,” I hissed out through closed teeth. 

“Then at least drink these electrolytes, okay?” She asked cheerfully, planting a kiss on my forehead. I agreed and let her go so she could join the table. I remained seated with some effort, sipping electrolytes. The headache was subsiding a little, as was the burning pain in my shoulder. I didn't have the strength or desire to check what happened to me there. Christian once again called out to me to eat something from his breakfast, but I firmly refused, feeling the smell of food making my stomach churn.

When the door opened again, there stood Igor, pale as death, with his girlfriend, Nina. She just glanced at me with raised eyebrows.

“Well, at least Igor's not the only one who looks like this today.”

“Don't worry, Dimitri looked worse before,” Rose declared cheerfully. I threw her a dirty look. She just rolled her eyes and invited them to eat, but judging by Igor's face, he also did not feel up to swallowing anything.

“Hey, man,” Igor started walking towards me at a very slow pace, “You alive?”

“Barely,” I replied, rubbing my eyes. I winced as a sting of pain shot through my shoulder, and I massaged it. Igor looked significantly in that direction.

“How about the tattoo?”

I froze, as did everyone else who glanced my way.. 

“How about what?” I asked horrified.

“Your arm tattoo, from yesterday”

I met Rose’s wide eyes. Whatever flashed in my gaze amused her so much that she burst into laughter, doubling over. Christian grinned broadly at me, as did the others, and only Lissa had enough empathy to hide her amusement. Igor pointed to my aching arm and for the first time, I rolled up the sleeve of the T-shirt I was wearing.

There was in fact a wide bandage on my arm. I just stared at it, frozen for a second, feeling my headache peak, and then I cursed very, very ugly in Russian 

My friends snickered at me as I looked at Rose, who was howling with laughter. She had tears in her eyes, as she was holding a chair for support.

“This is like Christmas morning!”

“How could you let me get a tattoo when I was so drunk?”

“Let you? I fucking got my own!” Igor declared, showing his bandaged forearm. He unwound his bandage and showed a freshly tattooed dragon. Nina was shaking her head in disgust as my Rose tried to stay on her feet laughing. I, for one, felt the blood drain from my face.

“Do you know what design I have?” I asked, fear evident in my voice.

“Dude, I don't remember doing anything like that. Apparently, I bragged to Nina when I got back what we did.”

“I’ll never drink again,” I sighed, covering my eyes.

“Oh, come on, Dimitri, you'll only say that after you see your design!” Christian exclaimed cheerfully. Lissa couldn’t help it and snickered. Everyone gathered around me and Igor.

“Maybe you got yourself a bear,” Adrian beamed.

”I think it’s horses, like from a western” mused Christian.

“It’s definitely a stake, you fools,” Eddie stated.

“I think it's some cheesy quote,” replied Rose, sitting close to me with a wet towel and liquid soap. We had enough tattoos on our necks to know I had to wash it by now. Her eyes did not lose their sparkling luster when I threw her a resentful look. “Something like “Honor and duty” or other serious message.”

I groaned.

“Is there any chance you will let me not show this tattoo here?”

“No!” Everyone replied in agreement. I looked with surrender at Rose, and in her gaze, I found the remnants of empathy, covered with great amusement. 

“Don't worry, comrade. I’ll stick with you no matter what you got,” she said with a laugh. I handed her my arm to make the official reveal. “Is everyone ready? So, the tattoo that my serious, solemn boyfriend chose is…”

Rose pushed back the bandage gently. She let out a breath, her shoulders slumping in surprise. Seeing my design, I laughed slightly, full of relief. I met her gaze and it seemed that she couldn't decide whether she was more touched or irritated.

“...a rose,” she finished with a grave tone. The tattoo on my arm was way better than I could have wished for, even sober. Lissa and Jill sighed in awe, and Christian and Adrian snickered slightly. “That's cheesy.”

“I remember!” Igor shouted, “You didn't pay attention to the needle at all, just bullshitting to that poor tattoo artist about what a great girlfriend you have and how lucky you are and other shit.”

“And what did you say? What a big fan of dragons you are?” Nina hissed, and Igor's face smile faded quickly. 

Rose gently washed the tattoo, looking at it thoughtfully. I knew that she hated all things related to roses (which is why I probably wouldn't have opted for such a design when sober), but I couldn't help thinking that she tolerated this particular image.

It took several hours before I rose from the couch, ate the leftovers of Christian's breakfast, and showered. I had to start my shift soon, anyway, but before I put on my guardian shirt, I took a closer look at my new tattoo in the privacy of my room.

I didn't know if I owed it to the tattoo artist or someone else, but the flower was exceptionally beautiful. At the same time, it had beauty and allure in it, and on the other hand, it had a sharp edge to it that made it not look delicate. I couldn't help thinking that it matched the character of the original perfectly.

‘Stop staring at that stupid flower,” I heard from behind me. I smiled as I met Rose's gaze in the mirror as she approached me, with her eyes glued to my new tattoo.

“I like it, I really do. Who would have thought I could make such a good decision while drunk?”

Rose grinned and came closer, running her finger gently around the tattoo.

“You know I can't stand roses,” she said softly, continuing to stare at the flower on my arm.

“But…”

“But there is something sexy about this tattoo,” she raised her eyes, meeting my gaze with a smile. I smiled too, feeling my heart fill with love for her.

There was something sexy about it, true. But there was also something more exhilarating than I could describe in words in the fact that I had the symbol of my Rose tattooed on my body. In the way, she was permanently written on my skin, and I was marked with her forever. Her name was written all over my heart and mind anyway, but there was something infinitely delightful about the fact that now others could see it too. 

I cupped her face to kiss her, and she held onto my arm when she rose on her feet to meet me. Her lips felt incredibly soft and sweet against mine as if I were tasting them for the first time. I felt electricity running through my body as she trembled in my arms.

“Just don't let it go to your head,” she purred, keeping her lips right next to mine. I laughed lightly.

“Oh, Roza. It's entirely too late for that,” I whispered before we melted into another sweet kiss.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

I knew that something bad had been going on with Dimitri for several days now. He had never been very talkative, but in the past few days, he had barely spoken at all. Lost in his own thoughts, he ignored my attempts to talk with him. He was almost completely unresponsive, and when I forced him to confront me, he shuddered slightly as he insisted everything was fine. He tried hard to maintain his neutral guardian mask, but he couldn't fool me. I knew something was bothering him. 

Since we started being together, he had a few breakdowns when memories of his life as a Strigoi haunted him. However, I always managed to pull him out of those dark moods and calm him down, bringing him back to our present life. This time, I couldn't reach him, and no bad period had ever lasted this long before.

He had turned paler, and the bags under his eyes had taken on a morbid color. When I asked him about it, he said he was just tired, but he spent all his free time in the gym instead of resting. I tried to get him to talk, but each time he shut down more.

To others, he seemed normal. He went to work, made sure we had food and even ironed our shirts (his and mine—he was much better at it than I was). He would chat effortlessly with others as long as the conversation was brief and superficial. Only I could see that something was very, very wrong.

It wasn't just the lack of conversation. He avoided physical contact with me as if his life depended on it. He would quickly walk away on any pretext when I tried to cuddle with him. He didn't seek contact with me like he used to. He took on extra shifts, claiming he was helping Christian organize magic defense classes, so he would come home when I was asleep and leave in the morning as soon as I woke up.

One night, I drank a disgusting cup of coffee to stay awake and wait for him. I sat in our living room, nervous about the confrontation that awaited me. I felt nauseous, unsure if it was because of the coffee or because I dreaded what was about to happen.  Finally, the door to our apartment opened, and I saw the surprise on his face.

“Hey, I was waiting for you,” I said softly, standing up and looking at him cautiously. Dimitri froze for a moment, then looked to the side, unsure of what to do.

"Thanks, but you should go to bed. It's late, and you have an early shift in the morning..."

“I wanted to talk.”

“Rose, I'm exhausted, and I also have to get up early. I'll go get ready for bed.”

I didn't have time to react. Dimitri sped to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. His curt response threw me off. I felt as if I didn't know him, and yet in that bathroom sat the man I loved most in the world. A wave of heat washed over me, making my hands tremble.

I reached the bathroom door and banged on it several times, feeling my anger getting better of me.

“I'm exhausted too!” I shouted, not hiding my agitation, “With you closing yourself off from me! You're hurting yourself, and I'm sick of watching you do that!”

There was silence on the other side of the door. I took a couple of shallow, exasperated breaths and pounded on the door again.

“Rose, please go to sleep,” he said.

“How can I go to sleep, Dimitri!? Something is happening to you, and you won't let me help you! What is wrong?”

Silence. I banged a few more times on the door, but I didn’t get any response.

I felt powerless. I was used to solving problems physically. Strigoi attacking us? Kill them. Someone kidnaps me? Escape. Moroi threaten Lissa? Scare them enough to reconsider.

But emotional problems? Well, I've never been great at solving them. Over time I got better, but situations like this left me helpless. I took quick, shallow breaths, not knowing what to do.

I pressed my forehead against the door and took a few deep breaths.

“Dimitri, please. Please don't do this.”

Silence. Tears welled up in my eyes. I had to do something, but I didn't know what. Should I break down the door? Bang on it until he took pity on my poor hand? Beg him all night to talk to me?

“Please. Look what this does to us. You're hurting yourself and it's hurting me. Please, Dimitri.”

My legs started to tremble, so I knelt on the floor by the door.

I heard the lock click open.

Dimitri stood in the doorway and, as soon as he saw me, he knelt down beside me. His face was tense, but wild emotions raged in his eyes—pain, fear, and anxiety. He reached out to me but hesitated before touching me. He met my gaze and shuddered.

“I'm sorry, Rose. I'm so sorry," he whispered, his voice tense.

I took his outstretched hand, and he trembled at my touch, drawing me closer to him. Electricity flowed between us as we held each other for the first time in so long. But I needed to feel him even closer. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he buried his face in my shoulder.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he murmured.

“How can I not be hurt when you are in such pain?” I whispered, pressing him tighter to me. My tears spilled out and sank into his hair. My tears spilled into his hair. I could feel his uneven breath on my skin, and I finally began to feel stable, having him so close.

“I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking.

I held him in my arms as he breathed deeply and quickly. I could feel him trembling, but as I touched him, he regained some control. I stroked his back, and his shoulders, and combed through his hair, calming myself as much as him.

“Why didn't you want to talk to me? I'm here for you, you know that.”

Dimitri leaned back only to press his forehead against mine. He took a deep, shuddering breath. I closed my eyes too, finally content that he was with me again.

“I know, or rather… I think I know. And then, I know I can’t burden you with everything, not after…”

“I know how to deal with it. I don’t know how to deal with you closing yourself off from me,” I said. I opened my eyes and saw that he was also looking at me intensely.

I knew he was considering my words, not treating them lightly. I saw he was beginning to understand what his behavior over the past few days had meant to me. I noticed how he looked at me with remorse, trust, and love.

“I'm sorry, Rose, I really am. I... don't want to hurt you, I don't want you to suffer because of me. So I try to pull away when I can’t control it.”

I stroked his face, tucking strands of his hair behind his ears.

“I know it's not easy," I said softly, "But I need to know what's going on with you. Can you imagine what the last few days have been like for me? Just because you cut yourself off from me doesn't mean it's easier for me.”

Dimitri closed his eyes, trembling slightly. He tightened his grip on me, as if he wanted to make sure I wouldn’t escape.

“I'm sorry,” he muttered, “Rose, I... the last thing I want is to cause you any pain.”

“That I can believe” I snickered, and Dimitri managed a small, strained smile. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close. He pulled me to him, clinging to me as if I were his lifeline. And I let him, finally feeling that I had him back.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

Lissa had many powerful enemies; we all knew that. As royal guards, we were prepared. As soon as the popular movement against her grew in strength, we prepared several escape plans to ensure her utmost protection. 

We were prepared when the riots broke out at the Court. All the royal guards gathered in Lissa's quarters while others defended the Palace entrance. Lissa, Christian, and Jill were evacuated. Only Harvey, our head of the royal guard, the few guardians he took with him, and Dimitri, who stayed with me to defend the palace, knew their location.

It wasn’t our choice; the guardians on duty during the attack went with Lissa. Dimitri and I had finished our shift long before, and by the time we reached the Palace, Lissa was already being led through secret tunnels to the exit. Dimitri was tasked with remotely opening the right combination of doors for them, making him the only one among us who stayed at the Court and knew Lissa's destination.

We waited for the attackers in suspense, poised to strike. Dimitri found my hand as we silently watched the door to Lissa's quarters with the rest of the royal guards. He squeezed my hand tightly, and I didn’t want to let go, even though he was blocking my dominant hand. It also didn't escape my attention that Dimitri gently moved in front of me, as if to shield me from what awaited us behind the closed door.

The fight began with a bang as the door to Lissa's beautiful apartment burst into flames and the attackers stormed in. Gunshots rang out from both sides as we rushed at the attackers. Despite our skills, we couldn’t win against so many of them. Somewhere between the sixth blow to my face and being thrown against the wall, I blacked out and was tied to one of the ornate columns.

I wasn’t the only one. Almost all the guardians were either unconscious or barely standing, tied to various pieces of furniture in Lissa's room. I saw Dimitri tied up at the other end of the room and Eddie chained to the wall under the window.

The attackers began roaming the rooms, searching for Lissa. Their nervousness grew the longer they could not find her. Dimitri struggled with his handcuffs, trying to free himself. My heart clenched when I saw the blood dripping down his face and his bruised eye. He met my gaze, and I saw the fury in his eyes as he assessed my injuries.

Our opponents were not thrilled when they realized we had managed to evacuate Lissa and hold them off long enough to give her a solid chance to escape. Their boss knocked over Lissa's beautiful desk, shattering it into pieces.

“All right,” he breathed out, turning to face us slowly, “we were prepared for such an eventuality.”

He walked over to one of his helpers and pulled out something that looked like a syringe. My blood froze in my veins.

“So... who will be our lucky one?” he asked with a wicked smile, scanning our battered group. I wasn't surprised when his gaze stopped on me.

“Hathaway is Vasilisa's friend. If anyone knows where the queen is, it's her.”

I shot them a murderous look as they approached. Dimitri began to jerk violently in his bonds, as did Eddie.

“Don’t touch her,” growled Dimitri, but I sent him a warning look. It was better for them to come to me since I truly didn’t know anything.

“I'll tell you shit,” I hissed as they grabbed my arm and unrolled my t-shirt, exposing my skin. The boss shook his head and smiled sinisterly.

“Oh, honey, it won't be up to you anymore.”

I started to struggle, but the two big guys held me down, immobilizing my arm enough for their leader to stick a needle into my skin. I hissed feeling a burning sensation and growled at him. He just smiled as he pressed the plunger and, after a moment, removed the needle. He told us to wait five minutes and then distributed his men, leaving only one guy with us.

I prepared myself for a sleeping agent or narcotic, repeating to myself like a mantra to say nothing but a string of curses. I hoped that even if I lost control, I wouldn’t reveal anything important. When the time came, I was ready to talk sheer nonsense just to buy time. I was surprised that I didn’t feel even a little sleepy.

“Okay then, where is the queen?” the leader asked me.

“I don’t know,” came out of my mouth before I could stop myself. I pressed my lips together, surprised that I had spoken the truth.

The leader looked worriedly at his helper.

“Why doesn't it work?”

“The serum works,” he replied, pointing at me. “She must truly not know. We just chose the wrong target.”

The leader's face darkened as he came closer to me. I glared at him, ready to bite my lips at the next question.

“How come her friend and guardian doesn't know where the queen has been evacuated?”

“We created several plans so that no one quite knows where she might have been sent,” I answered immediately. Again, I closed my mouth tightly. I felt betrayed by my own tongue and lips, which spilled the secrets that were so important to me. At the same time, it was the strangest feeling to have words fall out of my mouth involuntarily.  I didn't know what kind of magic they used for this serum, but they were pretty fucking good.

“I understand. So, who here knows where the queen is?”

“Dimitri.” I bit my lips too late, letting out a quiet gasp as I realized what I had just said. I saw my boyfriend close his eyes for a second, but when he opened them, they were filled with iron determination not to utter a word.

“Well, we did choose the wrong person. But we needn’t worry. For Dimitri, we’ll use more... traditional methods.”

Dimitri measured them with a calm, cool gaze, and my heart skipped a beat. I knew he would never reveal Lissa’s location, no matter what torture he endured. He would sooner die than put her and Christian in danger, and panic gripped me.

“No, wait!” I shouted, tugging at my bonds, as they approached him. “It won't do you any good! He won't say anything, no matter how much you torture him!”

The leader stopped a mere foot away from Dimitri. He raised an eyebrow and turned to me, a questioning look in his eyes.

“You must really believe that, if you say so,” he said slowly. Dimitri shot me a warning look.

“I really do,” I replied unnecessarily, unable to stop myself.

“And tell me, what could make Dimitri betray the queen’s location?”

“Maybe if you hurt me.”

I bit my lips too late. I sent the other guardians an incredulous look, wondering how such a thing could come out of my mouth without my will. Way to go, Rose.

I reluctantly turned my gaze to Dimitri, who didn’t need a truth serum to show what he felt. Despair was painted on his face. I gave him an apologetic look.

The group leader snorted.

“Well, at least you saved us some time.”

He nodded at his helper and they approached me with something that looked like a police baton.

“Dimitri, I beg you, don’t say anything to them,” I said to my boyfriend, who started tugging at his handcuffs. “I can take it.”

“Yes, Dimitri, let’s see how much she can actually endure before we finish her off,” replied the group leader, smiling at Dimitri.

“Leave her alone," growled my boyfriend. His eyes darted desperately between me and the man in front of me. “She has more faith in me than she should. She’ll last longer.”

The commander of the attackers only grinned wider.

“I guess there is only one way to find out.”

I closed my eyes as the first blow landed, determined not to show any pain. The hits to my stomach left me breathless, and a blow to my face made me black out. Bells rang in my ears, but I could still hear Dimitri's pleas to leave me alone. I tried not to make a sound so he wouldn’t break.

The commander untied my hands and pushed me to the floor, kicking me hard in the ribs. Before I could take a breath, his aide punched me in the face until I felt blood in my mouth.

“Well, Dimitri? Will you tell us where Lissa is now?”

“Rose…”

“Don’t tell them anything!” I growled, spitting blood. Another kick to the ribs made me groan as I felt a bone crack. I tried to keep my lips tightly closed so I wouldn’t make a sound.

“Tell us, Rose, are you in a lot of pain?”

“Yes,” escaped my traitorous mouth. I growled furiously. “But I'd rather take this than betray Lissa.”

I looked meaningfully at Dimitri, though my vision was blurred by the blood flowing from my eyebrows. Even with foggy eyesight, I could see the pain and fear in his face and a plea for forgiveness. I shook my head to tell him not to say anything and that no forgiveness was needed. I wanted him to hold on as long as possible and keep silent.

I lost sight of him when another kick to the head sent me to the floor. I must have blacked out because when I woke up, I saw the barrel of a gun in front of my eyes.

“Stop! I ... I will tell you ... but leave her alone,” I heard Dimitri's voice indistinctly. I wanted to protest, but only gibberish came out of my mouth. The barrel disappeared from my sight as the commander approached Dimitri to get the address. I saw him reveal Lissa's location with his eyes closed.

The commander sent his aides away, and Dimitri looked at me intently. His gaze softened, then shifted to the right. I followed his gaze and saw the fireplace poker, and I almost smiled.

Dimitri distracted the commander with details of Lissa’s route while I, trying to move silently, stood up and reached for the poker. I managed to approach them unnoticed—he probably didn’t expect me to get up on my own. I was a little unstable on my feet, but I managed to swing and slam the poker into his head. He fell to the ground, immobile, but I kept watching him closely while breathing heavily.

“Rose, love…” Dimitri’s voice was infinitely gentle. I wanted to untie him, but I saw my tormentor moving on the floor and approached him, kicking his gun away.

“You'll pay for this, bitch,” he growled. This time, I was the one who smiled.

“You can go and fuck yourself. And hey, you know that's exactly what I mean.”

I whacked him on the head one more time to make sure he was unconscious. Then I set about untying Dimitri. He helped me sit up and untied another guard, who then went to free the rest. Dimitri came back to me, gently grasping my chin, and the pain on his face broke my heart.

“Don’t worry, comrade. I’d rather go through this than put Lissa in danger, really” I said, my voice breathless from my broken ribs. He gently ran his thumb over my face.

“I am so sorry.”

“Really, don’t worry. Let’s just call Lissa and her guardians to keep her safe, and then take care of... this,” I said, pointing to my face and ribs.

Dimitri slowly leaned over me and kissed my forehead. He put his hands on my shoulders and held his lips against my skin in a way that told me that today he would not let me out of his arms even for a second.

Chapter Text

Dimitri POV

Everything was stained red.

My hands pressed against Rose's chest, desperately trying to stop the bleeding. The floor beneath Rose's back, blood pooling around my knees. Her dress, which I had tenderly removed only hours ago. Her mouth, from which blood flowed as she fell to the floor.

As soon as Tasha pointed the gun in their direction I stopped breathing and started running. I wanted to put myself between Rose, Lissa, and the deadly weapon in my former friend's hands. I didn't hesitate for even a second before putting myself in danger. If it meant the girls were safe, I wouldn't consider any consequences.

But I was too late. The bullet didn't hit me. Though I felt it would have hurt less than the pain that flared up in my heart when I saw Rose fall to the floor.

Lissa was forcibly dragged away, but I stayed, trying in vain to stop the blood flowing in streams, escaping through my fingers. Rose's face was losing color with each passing second that went by too quickly. Despite the pain twisting her lips, her eyes remained gentle. She took short, spasmodic breaths, choking on the blood in her mouth.

I knew she was ready to die, and I wanted to scream at the very thought. I couldn't let it happen. I pressed my hands tighter on her wound, not wanting to let her blood escape, but it flowed through my fingers along with Rose's life.

I looked at her and begged her not to give up, not to leave me. Her gentle gaze met mine, and for the last time, I saw the warmth that my heart would recognize anywhere. I heard her last shuddering breath through her bloodied lips. A heartbeat later, her eyes went still, and everything my Rose was—her wild, untamed, beautiful soul—faded away too fast for me to try and stop it.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Rose couldn't leave like that. If she left, the whole world would have to break in half, for sure.

“Rose. Rose! ROSE! ROSE!” The screams escaping my lips sounded foreign, as I tried to revive her by putting my hand on her frighteningly pale face. “Rose, wake up, I beg you! Roza, please, please, please wake up! Please…”

Rose did not budge. My pleas were pointless because Rose could no longer respond to anything. 

I screamed until my throat was raw. By this time, help finally arrived, and they quickly took Rose on a stretcher, but I knew it was in vain. I saw the moment my Rose was gone. I fell to the floor, feeling my heart torn into pieces, wishing the ground would swallow me whole.

…

I woke up choking on air, drenched in sweat. Panic raged in my head, and it took me a while to realize it was only a dream—a memory. I was breathing hard, but then I registered that Rose was sleeping peacefully, snuggled against my chest. I held my breath to make sure she was breathing and began to calm down when I felt her steady, deep exhalation.

Today was the first time Rose had opened her eyes since her surgery. Everyone had come to visit her, and although she enjoyed every visitor, it all cost her a lot of energy, so she quickly went to bed and fell into a deep sleep.

Panic continued to grip my mind, and I couldn't calm my breathing, so I held Rose tighter to me, sinking my face into her hair. I forced myself to focus on the irrefutable evidence that Rose was with me, that she had survived—on her breathing, her warmth, her light grip on my shirt. I concentrated on the fact that my Rose was alive.

I shuddered at the memory of the moment when the light I loved disappeared from her eyes when I saw the life drain out of her. That memory played relentlessly in my head like a movie as we waited for the end of her surgery and then for her to wake up. I refused to leave her side, aching for her to open her eyes. I knew it would be a long time before this memory stopped taking my breath away.

After some time, I calmed down and wiped the sweat from my forehead. Rose snuggled into me in her sleep, and I gently embraced her. I was glad I managed not to wake her. I wanted her to have plenty of rest and opportunity to recover. She tried not to show it in front of her friends and family who visited her today, but I could see she was still hurt and needed time to heal.

I combed through her beautiful hair as she breathed quietly and cuddled into me. I did not allow myself to think beyond her scent, which drove me insane. Beyond the touch of her unreal hair between my fingers, the sound of her calm breathing. The taste of her skin under my lips, as I couldn't resist kissing her wherever I could reach. Rose filled all my senses, and I didn't want it any other way.

Minutes passed, my heart rate slowed, and I could think rationally. My fingers wandered through her hair and over her exposed skin, and I suddenly realized it was the first time I held her in my arms as she slept peacefully at night. After so many months of loving her and thinking I could never be with her like this, months when I thought I had no right to even get close to her, ending with the fear that I had lost her forever.

The very act of being so close to her seemed sacrilegious. For so long, I had longed to at least touch her skin with my fingertips, but it was impossible for us. Every stolen glance or smile was sacred and forbidden. The possibility of holding her in my arms and kissing that beautiful hair made my head spin with happiness. I ran my fingers over her waist, promising myself that I would do anything to stay by her side. I wouldn't let anyone take her away from me again.

Rose suddenly jerked in her sleep, and her whole body tensed up in my embrace.

“Roza?” I said her name, feeling fear grip my heart. Was something wrong with her wounds? Had the painkillers stopped working? Was she having a nightmare?

Rose moaned, tightening her grip on my shirt.

“Son of a bitch,” she spat out. I put my hands on her shoulders, wanting to lay her on her back to check the wound, but she met my gaze. “Do we have any painkillers nearby?”

I gently laid her beside me and reached for the pills on her bedside table. I handed her water and helped her drink. After she finished, Rose snuggled tightly into me, as if trying to escape the pain.

“Maybe I’ll call the doctor?” I asked, concerned. If she had some complication with the wound…

“No need, comrade. It will pass in no time. It just hurts like hell.”

I massaged her back in slow motions, and when her breathing calmed a bit, I started showering her head, forehead, and temples with kisses. I heard her light laughter.

“What are you doing?”

“I'm distracting you," I whispered between kisses. I felt her warm breath on my neck as she laughed again. “Is it working?”

“It is. You can keep going.”

So I did. I kissed inch after inch of her skin. I couldn't get satiated, and I didn't expect it to be possible. I craved her warmth, her touch, her in a way that was never going to be enough. But I was going to spend my life trying to get as much of her as I could.

“Are you better now?” I asked when I felt her relax in my embrace. She murmured affirmatively and shifted to look into my eyes. A small smile played on her lips.

“Much better. Especially since tonight I get to spend my first night with you.”

I laughed softly, knowing our thoughts were on similar tracks. I slowly moved closer to kiss her lips.

“The first of many, don't worry,” I promised quietly, and she tightened her grip on my shirt.

“I hold you to your word, comrade," she purred sleepily. I pressed her to me and began combing through her hair in slow motions to help her sleep again. The painkillers definitely helped.

“Don't worry,” I murmured as she fell asleep, “I'll take care of it.”

Rose sighed contentedly and fell asleep with a soft smile on her lips. My heart was still broken from seeing her nearly die in my arms, but the sight of her calm, relaxed face as she snuggled into me in her sleep glued the broken parts together, piece by piece.

Chapter Text

Dimitri POV

“So, to summarize,” I began, leaning back in my chair and examining the papers Hans handed me, “My task is to identify who is part of the rogue guardians' group, determine what technologies and weapons they possess, and learn as much as possible about their attack plan?”

For several days, we had been gathering information about a group of guardians who had rebelled against Lissa and the entire guardian system. They were planning to attack the Court with the intent to harm as many people as possible, including the Queen, in protest. We weren't going to let that happen, so we focused all our forces on defending the Court's grounds and Lissa.

“Yes,” the head of all the guards replied, “And you are to keep everything  top secret.”

I nodded. It was quite obvious. 

“You can't say anything to anyone. Not even to Hathaway.”

I paused for a moment and looked at my boss, whose expression showed he was deadly serious. I didn't like the idea of not telling my girlfriend about this mission, especially since I would have to leave for a few days. Concealing anything from her felt wrong to me.

“You know there's no more loyal guardian in the royal guard than Rose. Telling her won't jeopardize the mission.”

“Belikov, we are being watched at every turn. I realize Hathaway would never betray the crown, but she might unknowingly betray our plans through her actions. Remember, we don't know who we can trust or who is watching us. Only you and I know about this mission, and I want it to stay that way. Is that understood?”

I hesitated for a moment. I understood Hans's reasoning, but I still didn't like the idea of concealing something from Rose. Besides, I knew I would have to lie to her about my whereabouts if I disappeared for a few days. I sighed.

“Understood.”

Hans escorted me to the door, wishing me good luck. I left, planning in my head what I should do. Hans chose me because I had one of the highest military ranks among the guardians, and he was convinced of my loyalty to the crown. He was right about that; after all, I had sworn to Lissa that I would be devoted to her for the rest of my life. It was also no secret that I would sooner lose my life than allow my friends to be harmed. That's why I was chosen for the scouting mission.

Rose wasn't too surprised when I told her I had been sent on a mission for a few days. Sometimes we were both called to different parts of the country, especially when someone was brought back from being Strigoi. So, I told her I was leaving for another state to take care of such a case. She was a little disappointed that I was leaving at such a vulnerable time, but with an affectionate kiss, she wished me good luck and a speedy return. I hoped her wishes would come true.

Even with my experience, the mission proved quite difficult. Hans had tracked down the guards' hideout a few hours before informing me, and I was to gather information on who was staying there, what weapons they had, and if I was lucky, what they planned to do.

I spent the entire first day observing the guards from afar—who was leaving the building, where and when, which entrances they used, and what vehicles they were driving. I meticulously noted everything on my phone and prepared to enter. It was only on the second day, after I knew the layout of all the rooms, that I decided to go inside.

I managed to slip under cover of darkness through a window that, according to my observations, was unprotected. I searched room after room, picking up clues and focusing on not getting caught. From hiding, I watched the rogue guardians, noting the names I heard and the information exchanged between them.

After a couple of hours, I stumbled upon a weapons stockpile.Pistols and shotguns lay on the floor, stacked on a white sheet, and in the corner, I noticed a set of hand bombs, grenades, and improvised explosives. My heart began to race, imagining all this being used against us. I set about removing the magazines and emptying the cartridges, which I put in my pockets. I hoped this would at least somewhat sabotage their attack. I hesitated over dismantling the bombs, but I was afraid I didn't have enough time. Instead, I found a heavy metal chain and used it to tie up the box of explosives.

I thought I heard a commotion coming from the direction of my entrance. I made my way to one of the main rooms and, taking advantage of the momentary distraction, took cover before one of the rogue guards noticed me. They seemed unaware that several guardians loyal to the crown had just started to sneak into the building. My heart beat harder in my chest at this sight. The guardians began to enter through all the windows and entrances. I moved restlessly, almost giving away my location, when I recognized Rose among the approaching guards, moving silently with the others.

They must have been summoned to catch the rogue guards. I had no idea whether Hans had warned them about my task or not. I tried to catch eye contact with any of them, but they were too busy maneuvering unnoticed among the enemies to notice me.

I watched in stillness as our guardians began mounting improvised explosives at key exit points. They were not lethal obstacles, but they were enough to discourage fugitives from using these escape routes.

I wanted to lean out and let my colleagues know my location, but I couldn't risk communicating with them without revealing my position and exposing them to detection. I was aware I was within range of the explosives, but I couldn't leave my hiding place unnoticed. I wasn't going to draw attention to myself, especially now that the guardians had entered the warehouse.

Everything happened too quickly.I heard a commotion in the main hall and ran in that direction. I didn't have a chance to discern what was going on; all I saw was a group of rogue guardians gathered together, aiming their guns at our guards, who stood at the front door with their guns ready. I noticed Rose holding a gun in one hand and a detonator in the other. Our guardians told them to put the guns down and stay put. Someone tried to shoot, but then they realized that their magazines were empty, so they started running away.

Then I heard a distinctive screech that preceded the explosion of an improvised explosive. One of them was located right next to the exit I had passed through, so I dashed ahead, trying to get as far as possible from the bomb. I thought I heard Rose's scream, filled with terror. 

Then everything exploded.

The force of the impact sent me crashing into the nearest wall, forcing the air from my lungs. I hit my head hard against the wall and fell to the floor, feeling my ribs break. I couldn't hear anything except the ringing in my ears, and my vision was blurry with black spots. I was too disoriented to do anything. All I knew was that my head was hurting, and my skin was burning.

Rose's face was the first thing to emerge from the mist. She was moving as if in slow motion, and I couldn't make out exactly what she was saying to me, but she looked so beautiful. Even with the terror in her eyes and her worry-stricken expression, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She grabbed my face in her hands and started to say something to me, but I didn’t understand her.

“..Hurt? Help!” I finally heard her voice. Immediately, other guardians appeared and began to tend to my wounds. Rose continued to stroke my face, madness in her eyes, and searched for my injuries.

“Roza, everything will be fine,” I wheezed, struggling to get my voice out. Tears flowed from her eyes.

“I'm sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn't know you were here. You weren't supposed to be here,” she began to explain, and I heard a note of hysteria in her voice. I hissed when one of the guardians started tending to the blood on one of my cuts. Rose seized a piece of gauze and began to attend to the wound on my forehead. I didn't know if it was a burn or bleeding. My head was spinning too much and there were too many people surrounding me for me to focus on such details. So I focused on Rose.

“You couldn't have known, Roza” I  croaked. “Don't worry," I hissed again when another burn was tended to. Despite my blurry vision, I saw Rose's face twist into a grimace of pain. I found her hand and squeezed it, and she raised my hand to kiss it. “Hans sent me here on a reconnaissance mission.”

“Hans?” She asked in surprise, pressing the gauze to my wound. She looked at another guardian, but I didn't see his reaction. I heard screaming from somewhere nearby.

“It was you who disarmed their guns, right, Belikov?” one of the guardians asked me. I felt myself drifting off into unconsciousness, so I only murmured affirmatively. I felt Rose's gentle fingers on my face and opened my eyes again.

“Hold on, Dimitri, please,” her voice was breaking. I smiled at her and wanted to tell her that I loved her, but I lost consciousness before I could.

....

I woke up in a hospital bed. Rose was curled up in a hospital chair, sleeping, holding my hand in hers. I tried to gently remove it from her embrace, but she woke up as soon as I moved.

“Dimitri? Oh, good, you're up,” she rose quickly and sat on my bed, placing her hand on my cheek and kissing my forehead. I smiled softly.

“Was I unconscious for a long time?”

She shook her head gently. "A few hours."

“Was the mission successful?”

A grimace twisted her face, and she tightened her hands on mine.

“Yes, but... I'm so sorry. I would never have detonated those explosives if I had known you were inside.”

“Roza, honey, you have nothing to apologize for,” I lifted her hands to my lips and kissed her knuckles, “You couldn't have known I was there. Hans told me not to tell anyone and to gather intelligence.”

“Yes, he got an earful from me about that. I yelled at him as soon as we got back. Everyone in the Court heard me ranting about how he could let this happen and not inform us that one of us was inside.”

“Don't worry about it,” I assured her again, and she tenderly stroked my hair.

“You will come out of the hospital tomorrow. You have a few shrapnel wounds, a slight burn on your hands, and the worst is two broken ribs. At least you will have some time off to recover.”

“That’s something," I smiled. There was a silence between us, not an uncomfortable one, but it allowed me to collect my thoughts. “I should have told you, Hans' order or not. He was afraid that you would give away something about my whereabouts, and we were being watched. But he was wrong. It was because of the lack of communication that we were in more danger.”

“It's good that you came to this conclusion yourself. I was going to make you promise never to conceal from me again when you're going on a dangerous mission.”

“I will never conceal from you again when I am going on a dangerous mission,”  I vowed. Rose rolled her eyes softly and moved closer to me, so that our lips were just an inch apart.

“Good,” she whispered and joined our lips in a tender kiss.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

It seems that coming back from the dead has become my specialty.

But this time, I didn’t die—though it was close—and the whole world thought I had. I was captured by a group of brutal assailants while away from the Court, on a small mission. Jimmy, my fellow guardian, and I were sent on a routine call together. We were supposed to visit a non-royal Moroi’s home, assess the issue, and be back before dinner. We didn’t expect a brutal attack the moment we crossed the threshold.

We didn't give up without a fight. Jimmy only stopped fighting when a blow to the head with a baseball bat rendered him unconscious. I fought longer, despite the blood running into my eyes and the injuries covering my body, until two attackers knocked me down and pinned me to the wooden floor. Splinters dug into my skin as I struggled to break free, but they were much heavier than I was.

“We got them, boss,” one of them reported. I stopped struggling to look at the person who entered the room. The woman had straight, shoulder-length black hair, an elegant outfit, and a cool, calculating expression. She looked at me with triumph in her eyes. I had never seen her before.

“Great. I want them dead,” she ordered. I froze, surprised. What did this woman have to do with me? “And don't let me down, Horace. Tomorrow the guardians will come here and I want them to find irrefutable proof that Rose Hathaway is dead.”

“Who the fuck are you?!” I shouted, only to be pressed harder against the floor. “What do you want?!”

“Sorry, Rose,” she replied, walking past me in heels toward the door, barely sparing me an indifferent glance. “It’s nothing personal, just business. And don’t worry, I’ll take care of your friends.” She turned over her shoulder, and I saw her cruel smile. “Especially Dimitri.”

Fear coursed through my veins like poison.

“Leave them the fuck alone!” I hissed furiously, but she was already walking away, her heels tapping on the wooden floor.

“Goodbye, Rose. And Horace, don’t let me down.”

“Yes, ma'am,” the giant holding me replied, and his boss left. I started struggling again, trying to break free, but to no avail. Strong hands pinned me down, preventing any movement.

“She’s gone, boss,” said one of the attackers.

“Good. Now, stick to the plan. Pour the gasoline and bring the girl over here.”

“Are you sure? June said…” Horace yanked me to my feet, gripping me tightly as I struggled to break free. He pressed a knife to my throat, nicking the skin

“June doesn’t know that this one’s old man is a Mazur. I’m sure Daddy will pay a good sum to get his little girl back in one piece,” he snarled, shaking me violently. “Or mostly in one piece.”

They laughed, and my blood froze when I saw them drag in the body of a girl, around my age and build. I glanced over my shoulder at Horace holding me tightly, as rage boiled inside me.

“You won’t get away with this. You’ll pay for it.”

Horace grinned wickedly. He roughly slid the only gold ring, the one Dimitri had bought me for our anniversary, off my finger and tossed it to the floor.

“I hope your old man will pay more.”

Then he pressed a cloth reeking of chloroform over my mouth and nose. I tried to pull away, but it was no use. Drowsiness soon overwhelmed me, and I lost consciousness.

Dimitri POV

I hurried out of the car, not bothering to close the door. My legs felt weak, and all I could focus on were the smoldering ruins of the mansion before me. At that moment, the whole world stood still—along with my heart.

This was impossible. Impossible. 

I got the call an hour ago, but I couldn’t believe it. I had to come here. I had to see her. This was supposed to be a quick, easy errand. It wasn’t a dangerous mission. They must have made a mistake.

I pushed past the guards, who avoided my gaze, and stepped aside.  I found it increasingly difficult to breathe. Panic tightened its grip on my mind with each passing second. I was losing control. Hans stood in front of me, his face etched with sadness.

“Dimitri…”

“Where is she?” My voice came out as a bark. I started to shake. This couldn’t be true.

Hans lowered his gaze and stepped back, revealing two black bags on the floor. The last shred of warmth in my heart froze at the sight.

I don’t know how I managed those few steps on unsteady legs, feeling my world crumble piece by piece. Finally, my legs gave out, and I collapsed to my knees in front of one of the bags.

There was nothing to recognize. The fire had completely consumed the woman I loved most in the world. My mind refused to accept that this was my beautiful, good, brave, full of life Rose. The one who had kissed me before she left, her taste lingering on my lips for hours.

Then I saw a piece of gold lying next to the charred remains—a small gold circle I knew all too well. The one I had chosen to surprise her with for our anniversary. The one I kissed on her hand every night before bed.

The truth hit me, and I couldn’t comprehend why the world didn’t fall apart at that moment. I thought I knew pain, but nothing prepared me for this: my Roza, murdered in such a cruel way. My Roza burned alive. Dying alone, suffering. Gone forever.

I clenched my hands on the sack as I collapsed to the ground. The scream that tore from my throat didn’t even sound human.

Rose POV

I woke up in a basement, handcuffs digging into my wrists.

“Are you fucking kidding me!”

The room was empty. I was sitting against the wall, chained by metal handcuffs to the pipes behind me. The metal cut into my skin as I struggled against the bindings.

I felt dried blood on my face and ached in several places where I’d been hit during the fight, but at least I was alive. My heart clenched at the thought of Jimmy and what the guardians must have found at the scene—at what Dimitri must have seen. I felt strangely exposed without his ring on my finger, but that was a small loss compared to what could have happened.

I looked around the small, dimly lit room where I was kept. There were no windows, so I had no idea what time of day it was or how long it had been since my abduction. I growled, furious at the situation I was in.

I had to get out of here.

Dimitri POV

I felt torn from my body when I arrived at the Court, to tell the others what I had seen. It was as if my heart and soul had left with Rose, leaving only a shadow of myself behind. I barely managed to confirm that what we’d heard was true.

Jill ran to her chambers, tears streaming down her cheeks. Eddie followed, partly because he had to, partly to hide his distraught expression. Abe stormed out of the palace, slamming the door behind him, while Adrian escaped to the bathroom. Lissa collapsed back onto the couch, her sobs uncontrollable, and Christian struggled to comfort her, his face etched with distress. He had distress written all over his face. 

I sank into a chair, feeling like I would collapse if I didn’t. I buried my face in my hands, unable to bear any sight. I didn't understand how time could just go on like this when Rose was no longer in this world. After all, it had to stand still, the world had to end. I didn't understand why I had to endure each second after the next in this endless pain in my heart. 

“We have to call Jenine,” Christian finally whispered. Lissa sniffled in response.

“Abe already called her. She said she’d come for the funeral.”

I didn’t think I could endure any more pain, but the word "funeral" felt like a knife to my heart.

“Funeral?” I choked out as if the word was foreign to me.

“I thought maybe…”

“Can we talk about it later?” I asked, heat spreading through my body. I didn’t expect to feel any better tomorrow, but right now, I couldn’t handle it.

Lissa nodded and melted back into Christian’s embrace. Just seeing them together made my heart burn and a lump rise in my throat. My eyes filled with tears again, and I hid my face in my hands, wishing I could disappear—or better yet, be swallowed by the earth.

Just then, the door to Lissa’s quarters opened, and to my surprise, a woman entered, flanked by three guards.

“Your Highness…”

“I’m sorry, but this is not a good time for an audience,” Lissa said, trying to mask her anger. I furrowed my brow as the woman closed the door, her expression impassive. Her guards were clearly ready for a fight.

“I’m deeply sorry, Your Highness—for your loss and for coming at such a time. But I have no choice. I’m here to stage a coup.”

Christian and I sprang to our feet, but the woman stopped us by pulling something from her pocket that looked like a detonator.

“Don’t make any sudden moves, or I’ll blow up half the Court. Actually, half is an understatement—more like a solid eighty percent. Don’t call for help, and don’t try anything. I’m not kidding.”

I didn't have the strength for it. Not today. Christian and I carefully sat down on either side of Lissa as the woman took a seat opposite us. Through the crack in the door, I caught Adrian’s gaze, but I quickly looked ahead and shook my head, hoping he understood to stay out of sight.

“Who are you?” Lissa asked, her voice weary.

“My name is June. You don’t know me; I’m not from the royal family. And despite how it looks, I’m not your enemy.”

Lissa snorted, tears glistening on her cheeks.

“You’re right; it looks a bit different.”

“I didn’t come here to hurt you—unless you leave me no choice. But I wanted to take this chance to gain influence in the Moroi government. We non-royal Moroi have no representative, no one to stand up for us or hear our petitions. So... I decided to seize some power in this brutal way.”

“Did you have anything to do with Rose’s d...” The last word caught in my throat. June looked at me with a sympathetic expression.

“No, I didn’t. I’m truly sorry. It was today’s events that pushed me to act.”

“What do you want?” Lissa asked, her voice choked with emotion.

“I want a seat on the council, real power to advocate for the Moroi who weren’t born into royal families. And I want the queen’s support in my demands.”

Lissa closed her eyes.

“And if I don’t agree?”

Then I’ll blow up the Court. I know I won’t get out of here alive if I’m caught, and I’m prepared for that. But are you ready for what I’ve set up?”

Lissa and I were both stunned. It was too much, especially today when the world was already falling apart in pieces. Part of me didn’t care what June did to us, but another part... I couldn’t let Lissa get hurt. I couldn’t let that happen—it was the only thing I could do for my Rose.

“So we don’t have much choice?” Lissa scoffed. June shook her head.

“I’m afraid not. But I’d like to resolve this as peacefully as possible. I’ll join the council, and no one will get hurt. But to do that, I need to be well-established at the Court—in a more permanent way. Then, hopefully, I wouldn’t have to hold you at gunpoint, and we could move on to more... civilized negotiations. I really don’t want to hurt you or anyone else. I just want a strong, guaranteed position at the Court. And that’s why... I would like to marry Guardian Belikov.”

We all froze. We must have heard wrong. Or maybe I’d truly lost my mind from losing Rose.

“You have to be fucking kidding!” Christian finally exclaimed.

“I want to be part of your inner circle, and this is the easiest way to achieve that. I didn’t plan this because of... Guardian Hathaway, but after today’s events, it’s the only way to avoid bloodshed.”

“You have the audacity,” Lissa howled, “to threaten us on the day we lost Rose and demand that Dimitri marry you! This is unacceptable…”

“I’ll do it,” I said quietly, my voice drained. Lissa looked at me, tears welling in her eyes.

“No way,” she replied. “I won’t allow it. Not now...”

“I don’t care what happens to me. I can’t bring her back, but I know what I can... what I have to do for her. She’d want you to be safe, and that’s all I can do now—to protect you.” I looked at June, who seemed visibly relieved. “I didn’t expect it to be this way, but that’s okay. I’ll do what I have to.”

“I think Rose would like that,” June said, and fury surged inside me.

“Don’t you dare say her name,” I growled, rising to my feet. Everyone flinched at my sudden move. I leaned over her. “And if I find out you had anything to do with this tragedy... I will kill you.”

“I had nothing to do with it,” she replied calmly, meeting my gaze. I took a deep breath and stepped back. Lissa stood and placed a hand on my shoulder.

“It seems we have a lot to do.”

“Yes, Your Highness,” June said, rising as well. She explained that the three guards she brought would be watching us to ensure we didn’t betray her plan. I glanced at my guard, knowing I could probably take him down. I just didn't know if I would be able to defuse June's bombs before the others figured it out. 

June took out a paper with Rose's forged signature, in which she supposedly "left instructions" for June and her guards to help protect Lissa and Christian if something happened to her. We were to go to the guardians’ HQ and ask them to include June’s guards in the service. She warned us again that she’d blow up the entire building if we breathed a word to anyone.

As we left, I glanced at the bathroom door, hoping Adrian would relay everything he heard to the right people.

Rose POV

I quickly realized there was no point in struggling against the handcuffs, but that didn’t stop me from tugging at them, tearing my wrists until they bled.

I sat on the floor, waiting for whoever was imprisoning me to come and, after a few lame threats, tell me what their plan was. But no one came. After hours of futile struggling and trying to free myself, exhaustion began to take over, and I started to drift off.

Relief washed over me as I slipped into a spirit-infused dream. I found myself on a wooden balcony at the hotel where we’d gone for our winter vacation during my last year of school—the very place where I’d met Adrian.

“Little dhampir!” Adrian’s voice was choked with emotion, and suddenly, I was wrapped in his arms. He held me tightly, and I clung to him, grateful for the familiar comfort. “We thought you were dead!”

“This is their plan,” I replied, pulling back just enough to look into his tear-filled eyes. His hands remained on my shoulders, as if afraid to let go. “They set fire to the house with Jimmy and some poor girl inside.”

“Dimitri went to recognize the corpse and said it must have been you,” My heart ached at the thought of what Dimitri must be going through.

“You have to tell him I’m alive. I’m trapped, but I don’t know where...” My voice faltered when I saw Adrian’s expression shift. Fear gripped my chest. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Adrian hesitated before telling me what he had overheard from June. Fury coursed through my veins as I listened. It took everything I had not to scream every curse and insult I knew at that conniving bitch.

She thought she’d outsmarted me. But I could be an even crazier bitch.

We had three days until June and Dimitri’s wedding. I was locked up in some basement, and there were bombs planted inside the Court. We had to act fast, and we couldn’t afford any mistakes.

I ordered Adrian to contact Abe immediately. If we were to act in secret, there was no one better equipped to disarm June’s weapons than my father. Dimitri was likely being watched too closely to involve him in our plan. He just had to survive these three days. Telling him would be too risky.

Adrian repeated the whole plan with me and hugged me at the end. I breathed deeply, savoring the small comfort.

“I’m glad that nothing happened to you, Little Dhampir. Focus on surviving, and I’ll handle the rest.”

“Thanks, Adrian. For everything.”

“At your service,” he said, squeezing me tighter as the dream began to fade.

I woke up still chained to the wall but with a renewed determination burning in my chest. I wasn’t going to stay here for long.

Dimitri POV

Three days later.

Christian and Lissa sat in my room, their eyes filled with deep sadness. Our personal guards stood against the walls, never leaving our sides, watching us closely.

I stared into the mirror, trying to pull myself together, though it was hard to muster the will to care. I tied back my freshly washed hair, keeping it from falling onto my new suit. My wedding suit.

But nothing could hide the truth. My reddened eyes and dark circles revealed the sleepless nights spent tormenting myself until dawn. Nothing could ease the pain.

I squeezed Rose's ring, clutching it tightly in my palm. I kissed it, thinking of her. I knew I had to defend those she loved. I had to lull June's vigilance for now and find a way to eliminate her later. I hoped Adrian would get the message to the right people. I just had to play my part.

In the mirror, I caught a glimpse of my guard. He had been watching me closely ever since that day in Lissa’s office when my world shattered. I didn’t know when I’d be able to lose him, but I hoped it wouldn’t be much longer.

Christian stood up, signaling that it was time for the damned ceremony. My heart felt like a lead weight in my chest. I never imagined standing at a wedding altar beside anyone but Rose. But there was nothing I could do about it now. I turned around, ready to do whatever it took to keep Lissa and Christian safe.

Rose POV

I limped along the road for a while before a Mercedes with tinted windows pulled up beside me. My father’s face appeared in the driver’s seat, and I couldn’t help but smile. I quickly slid into the front seat, and Abe wasted no time flooring the gas pedal.

“Finally. You’d think you’d be in a hurry to come get your missing daughter.”

“Are you all right?” he asked, his tone deadly serious. I knew he wasn’t in the mood for teasing.

“I’m fine, just a little sore,” I replied, glancing at the cut on my arm. This wasn’t my first escape from someone else’s basement, and the opponent wasn’t much of a threat once I got out of the handcuffs. Once I faced them one-on-one, my skills and speed outmatched their strength. I took them down with a speed that would’ve made my academy teachers proud, then found a phone and called Abe.

“Don’t ever do this to us again,” he said gravely. I met his serious gaze and squeezed his shoulder.

“Everything’s fine, really. I’m not that easy to get rid of. How did the plan go?”

“We’re ready now. The bombs have been detected and defused, and my men are stationed under the church to stop her helpers. All that’s left is for you to hand this evidence to Hans and stop the wedding,” Abe said, handing me a folder. I skimmed through it: Adrian’s testimony, a list of explosive locations and the approvals to neutralize them, Abe’s spy report, and wiretap records.

“Not bad, old man,” I complimented, and I could’ve sworn the corner of his mouth lifted in a slight smile.

Abe sped ahead, ignoring traffic regulations. I was eager to interrupt the wedding. Originally it was not supposed to happen and only after the Court was secured were they to come for me. But since I managed to escape on my own, everything was moving faster now.

“How much time do we have?” I asked nervously, gripping the edge of the seat. I couldn’t wait another moment to see my loved ones.

“We’ve got enough time for you to change out of those rags and get yourself together.”

“We’re on our way to catch the criminals who planned to blow up the Court. I think my appearance is low on the list of priorities.”

“Trust me, Rose. It’s not every day you crash your boyfriend’s wedding.”

Nerves clenched my stomach. I had to get to his place in time.

Nerves twisted in my stomach. I had to get there in time. We stopped at a motel where Adrian was waiting. He hugged me quickly, then rushed me to the bathroom. I washed up and changed into a simple, long gown Adrian had brought. I did a quick makeup job in the car with some products they’d provided. For someone who’d just spent days in captivity, I looked pretty good.

“Oh fuck,” Adrian cursed, glancing at his phone. I turned to him immediately, and he looked at me with wide eyes. “They moved the wedding up an hour. It’s just starting now.”

Abe grimaced as a string of curses flew out of my mouth and pressed the gas harder. Adrian tried to call Lissa and Christian, but neither picked up. I started hissing at Abe and Adrian for making me change into that stupid dress.

My heart pounded like a hammer as we sped through the Court gates. The guardian at the gate stared in shock when he saw me. I shouted for him to call additional units to the church, and Abe drove us there as fast as he could.

I didn’t wait for the car to stop completely before I bolted out, clutching the folder tightly. Muffled gasps of surprise rippled through the crowd gathered outside the cathedral as they caught sight of me. Through the loudspeakers, I heard, “If anyone here has just cause why these two should not be lawfully wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.” 

I burst through the cathedral’s grand doors and strode down the main aisle. “I know a few good ones!” I called out.

The church erupted in surprised gasps. People stood up, clutching their hearts, and all eyes were on me. But I only had eyes for the man at the altar.

Dimitri froze, his eyes widening as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. It was as if his mind had stopped working. I gave him a radiant smile and winked. I started to walk forward, the sharp click of my heels echoing on the marble floor.

“First of all, June here forced Dimitri into this marriage to gain more control over the Moroi government and access to Queen Lissa. How? Her team planted explosives under the Court grounds and threatened to detonate them unless Dimitri and Lissa agreed to her terms.”

Hans sprang to his feet and rushed to Lissa, who was still too shocked to react. Her eyes followed me, and I could tell she was torn between thinking she was dreaming or losing her mind.

“Don’t worry, Guardian Croft. The bombs have all been disarmed. Here’s the evidence,” I said, tossing him the folder from Abe, which he caught effortlessly. Our eyes met, and I saw him slowly recovering from the shock. “But I’d suggest you detain these newly hired guards.”

Hans gave the orders, and Dimitri turned to me, still completely stunned. I smiled at him again.

“And secondly, there’s no way I’m letting this man get married without me—even if he has to wait a few more years,” I added with a smirk. 

That snapped him out of it. He rushed to me, pulling me into a desperate embrace, holding me as tightly as he could. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my hands gently stroking his skin.

“Roza, Roza,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion.

“It’s okay, I’m here,” I whispered softly. My fingers traced his tattoos as his hands roamed over my body as if he couldn’t decide how to hold me closer.

“I thought you were dead,” he croaked. I leaned back slightly, a soft smile playing on my lips.

“Well, it looks like you recovered pretty quickly,” I teased, nodding toward the altar. Dimitri shook his head, unable to speak. I laughed and hugged him tighter, feeling his heart race against mine.

“You’ll pay for this, Hathaway,” June growled as she was led past us in handcuffs. Hans personally took charge of escorting her out. Dimitri reacted instantly, spinning to face her while shielding me behind his back. I placed a calming hand on his shoulder, my eyes flicking over her ridiculous, poofy dress.

“Ay, such curses on the most beautiful day of your life?” I said, shaking my head in mock embarrassment. “Just fucking try me.”

“We’ll need to talk, Hathaway,” Hans said as June growled at me, a slight smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “And I’m glad to have you back. Things were starting to get boring without you.”

“Don’t worry, you won’t get rid of me that easily,” I replied, feeling Dimitri’s grip tighten on my shoulders. Before I knew it, Lissa had thrown herself around my neck, sobbing, while Christian enveloped us both in a hug.

We went to Lissa's private quarters, along with Jill, Eddie, Adrian, and my parents. Dimitri didn’t leave my side even for a moment, holding my hand, wrapping his arm around my waist, or gently stroking my hair. I eagerly clung to him, feeling the tension of the past few days slowly melt away in his presence. Hans joined us to piece together everyone's perspective. Our boss meticulously documented everything and reviewed the reports Abe had prepared.

Adrian got a stern scolding for not going straight to Hans when he first heard about the threat, but I found it hard to focus. The adrenaline was fading, and I could feel my eyelids getting heavier. I leaned against Dimitri’s chest, his arm wrapped around me as he stroked my shoulder, his cheek resting against my head. Lissa snuggled close to me on the other side. Christian stayed as close as he could, while my mother hovered nearby, ready to defend me from any threat.

Surrounded by my loved ones, I let myself drift away, finally feeling safe.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

Lissa knew that being queen came with many limitations. A great responsibility rested on her shoulders, whether it was making important decisions or maintaining her public image and gathering support. She had little freedom; her every step was closely watched, and she had to be careful about everything she did in public.

This required many sacrifices on her part. She knew she had to let go of many events that, in another life, she would have loved to attend—music festivals, fraternity parties, club nights, and many other things. Accepting this wasn’t easy, and there were some things she just couldn’t let go of.

The last straw was the concert of our favorite singer. For years we had been waiting for her concert. During her previous tours, no one was willing to escort Princess Dragomir to such a large event. Now, she was scheduled to perform near us, but the royal guard deemed the venue too difficult to secure for the queen to attend. Lissa was furious that, despite being the ruler of the Moroi, she couldn’t even decide whether she could attend her favorite artist's concert.

When she came to me, begging me to take her to the concert, I agreed for several reasons. First, Lissa had the right to make her own decisions and take her own risks, and I wasn’t going to deny her that. Second, I wanted to give her a break from her responsibilities and constant tension, even if only for a little while. And third, I really wanted to go too.

We didn’t tell Dimitri or Christian, fearing they might try to dissuade us or stop us altogether. We decided it was best to confront them afterward. Lissa wrote a letter to Hans and the royal guard, stating that we were leaving based on her decision and that they could expect us back the next day. I wrote a short note to Dimitri, promising to stay in touch. Then I led Lissa through the secret tunnels to the garage, where I took one of the royal guard's cars. Lissa hid under a blanket in the back seat, but no one searched my car as I waved to the guardians at the gate. I had no doubt that this would change as soon as we got back.

The first panicked call came half an hour after we had left.

“A bit of a poor reaction time,” I remarked jokingly, driving through the wooded area leading to the Court. Lissa just smiled and answered the call from Hans. She explained what she had done and why, and refused when he offered to send guardians to her.

“Just don’t make a big deal out of it. We’ll talk when we get back,” she said calmly.I knew she’d have a conversation, and I’d get yelled at. And that was the best-case scenario, where I didn’t get fired. Or handcuffed. But I wasn’t about to give up so easily.

We rented a room at the hotel where we dressed for the concert and went out to stand in line. It took a couple of hours before they let us in. Fortunately, the day was cloudy, so Lissa didn't get tired in the sun, and we could wait another few hours for the concert to start.

In the meantime, we had so much fun. We met people our age and chatted for hours about what we expected at the concert, played cards, and ordered pizza. We took tons of pictures and videos. We felt free, carefree, and young, with our biggest worry being getting a good spot at the barricade rather than the pressures of Moroi society.

And the concert… we had the time of our lives. We managed to get to the barricade and almost lost it when the artist came up and waved at us. We sang our hearts out, danced until our legs ached, and even actually bled. The lights, the music, and the crowd singing the same lyrics—it was beyond amazing. Seeing Lissa’s beaming, happy face made me glad I had taken her, no matter what consequences awaited us.

Our moods sank as we drove home. The euphoria from the concert had turned into post-concert depression. All my muscles ached - legs, back, arms. My eyelids were drooping during the drive, and Lissa slept like a log in the back seat. Even the music playing on the radio couldn’t lift our spirits.

And that was still nothing compared to what Hans had planned for me. As soon as we entered the Court grounds, we were to be escorted—Lissa to her quarters and me to the guards’ HQ. Lissa refused to be separated from me, and I am convinced that this was the only reason I was not handcuffed by Hans.

Waiting for us in her quarters were the head of the guardians, Hans; the head of the royal guard, Harvey; Hans’ aides; and some of the royal guards. Christian and Dimitri were also there. Christian smiled when he saw us, but Dimitri looked worried.

Rightly so. We received a long lecture filled with threats and barely concealed malice, particularly directed at me, about how irresponsible our behavior had been. I was labeled as insolent, insubordinate, thoughtless, and unreasonable, and accused of putting the queen in great danger. Lissa, for that matter, behaved inappropriately for her position and put the safety of the entire nation at risk by jeopardizing her own.

I knew I was facing a severe punishment when Lissa took charge. She gave an equally strong speech about how she did not intend to be locked up and that she would not submit to the restrictions placed on her. She said that she realizes her absolute safety cannot always be guaranteed and she was willing to take that risk. She emphasized that she was tired of being treated like a child rather than a monarch and that I was the only one who had taken her request seriously and tried to fulfill it while ensuring her safety. And she wasn't going to continue hiding, so her guardians could either help her maximize her safety, or sit back and watch her do it on her own

Hans and Harvey reluctantly gave way to her and did not punish me for my insubordination. Unfortunately, when Lissa went to bathe and rest, Hans cruelly reminded me with a smirk that my shift was starting in an hour and a half. For a moment, I felt like begging him to swap me with someone else, but I knew I was one step away from being thrown out of the royal guard anyway, so I resigned myself to accept whatever was given to me.

Dimitri walked me to our apartment, letting me lean on him. My feet were killing me from fatigue and abrasions. At the apartment, I had just enough time for a quick shower to wash off the sweat and dirt from the stadium, and to change into an oversized t-shirt. I hoped to catch a quick nap before my shift started.

In the bedroom, Dimitri was waiting with a pack of plasters and bandages on the nightstand. Warmth spread through me at the sight. I wasn't sure how he’d react to this adventure, so seeing his concern made me incredibly grateful.

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

Dimitri laughed softly. “I can't let you go to work with bleeding wounds.”

He gestured to the bed. I lay down, feeling my muscles relax, ready to unwind after a long day. With my eyes slightly closed, I watched Dimitri sit beside me and gently apply patches to my abrasions. I sighed deeply, feeling relaxation wash over me.

“Honestly, I don't even know why you're doing this. I mean, being this good to me. I was expecting punishment for taking the queen out for a day, not this.”

Dimitri looked at me, slightly puzzled.

“I'm doing this because I care about you. You didn’t expect some kind of punishment from me, did you?”

“Maybe not punishment, but… I wasn’t sure what you’d think. After all, it was a risk to take Lissa out like that.”

Dimitri furrowed his brow as he bandaged my bloody heels. His strong, deft hands worked efficiently, and I felt no pain.

“I know you and Lissa are both capable of going to great lengths to get what you want and won’t let anything hold you back. I genuinely admire that about you. I also believe you're an excellent guardian who can protect Lissa even on your own if necessary. You’ve done it before and have only gained more skills and experience since then.”

My heart swelled at his words, and I felt heat rise to my cheeks knowing he had such faith in me. I sat down on the bed and quickly caught his face in my hands, bringing it closer to mine. I kissed him greedily as if I couldn't satiate myself with the touch of his lips on mine. He laughed softly, embraced me, and returned the kiss with equal passion.

When we pulled away, I kept my forehead pressed against his.

“If I’d known you were so chill, I would’ve taken you with us.”

Dimitri laughed warmly and kissed the tip of my nose.

“I’m glad you’ll remember me in the future too,” he said with mock disappointment. “Now let me finish. We have a shift in about half an hour.”

“Ugh.” I sank back onto the pillows and let him finish bandaging my feet. But I couldn’t nap while his warm fingers worked on my feet, and definitely not with his lips so close to the bandaged abrasions, as if he wanted to heal them with a kiss. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. If this was what I got for insubordination, I’d sure as hell be going to concerts with Lissa much more often.

Chapter Text

Dimitri POV

My heart felt heavy as I slowly approached the ambulances, where medics were attending to the guardians who had endured a week of torture. I clenched my fists nervously as I watched Rose being promptly taken in by the medics after I had escorted her here. I had to help apprehend the perpetrators, whom we had rather roughly loaded, bound, into the van. My blood boiled at the thought of what they had done to my Rose.

She sat on the edge of the ambulance, tense, pale, and slightly shaken, but she didn’t appear to be physically hurt. Her jeans were dirty and torn, and her hair falling to her shoulders was disheveled. Dark bruises stood out beneath her eyes, and her face was tense. I carefully scanned her, searching for injuries, but found none. When she saw me, she reached out her hand, and I took it as I moved closer.

“How are you feeling? Is everything okay?” I asked worriedly. She showed no signs of pain, but something in her eyes told me that something was wrong. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, and she hugged me back, still sitting. She trembled all over her body under my arms. 

“I’m fine,” she muttered without looking at me, just pressing her face into my duster, clasping her arms around me as if she was trying to hide from the whole world. I pulled her to me even tighter. I looked at the medic standing next to her, hoping he would answer me some more. The medic was busy writing observations but nodded his head.

“It's true, Hathaway’s fine and there is no need for her to come back to the hospital with us. But as I said, Rose, after such an experience it is worthwhile for you to talk to our specialist psychologist.”

“I know the drill,” she muttered, continuing not to tear her face from my duster. I gently squeezed her shoulders in support and began to softly stroke them.

“Is there something I should pay attention to?” I asked, drawing her even closer to me and holding her head right next to me. The medic thought about it and shook his head.

“Not really. As always, you should watch to see if her condition worsens and get her to the medics if necessary. Just take good care of her.”

Rose snorted quietly, but I nodded, taking the task with the utmost seriousness. Nothing was as important to me, not after a week of relentlessly looking for her. I allowed myself to close my eyes and feel her warm, familiar body in my arms. I kissed the top of her head as a powerful wave of relief surged through my body. I was finally able to breathe.

I helped her up, and we walked slowly to the car, her body still close to mine. Yet there was something in her demeanor that made my heart tighten with worry. Her sad, frightened eyes, the way she tried to melt into my arms, and her silence.

“Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, halting our steps, but before I could finish, she shook her head firmly and gestured towards the many guardians walking the grounds.

“Not here," she said softly. Her words did nothing to ease my anxiety."

They can wait," I said, gently stroking her cheek. I frowned, noticing her skin felt rougher and more fragile than usual. She shook her head, snuggling into my hand. 

"I want to go home," she whispered so faintly that I immediately led her to the car, tightening my grip on her shoulders.

On the way back, she stayed silent and withdrawn, clinging to my arm. I traced circles on her hand to reassure her, but my fears for her only grew. I desperately wanted to talk to her, but I wasn’t going to push her into anything she wasn’t ready for. 

When we stepped into the house, she froze, as though she didn’t know what to do next. I wrapped my arms around her from behind and kissed her temple.

“You okay?” I whispered, stopping my lips close to her skin. She nodded but said nothing. I couldn't help but notice how tense she was in my arms, or how tightly she gripped my shoulders. "How about you take a bath while I make something to eat?" I suggested. Rose nodded again.

“Okay,” she replied quietly and headed for the bathroom. I watched her walk away, silently praying I could help her somehow.

I started preparing dinner, but tension gnawed at me. I couldn’t focus on even the simplest tasks, consumed by thoughts of what was going through her mind. We still didn’t know what methods the torturers had used, and the mere thought made my hands tremble with rage. I wished I could get my hands on them the moment we captured them, but I forced myself to focus on Rose and getting her out of there as quickly as possible.

Lost in thought, I hadn’t noticed how much time had passed until the silence struck me — it had gone on for too long.I couldn’t hear the shower running, nor any other sign of her in the bathroom. My heart leapt into my throat as I walked to the door and knocked.

“Rose?” Fear clouded my mind with every second of silence. “Rose, are you okay?”

Silence. Fear quickly turned to panic.

“Rose, I’m coming in,” I called out, and gave her a solid second to respond. When she didn’t, I pushed the door open and forced my way in. My heart nearly shattered at the sight before me."

Rose was sitting on the cold tiles, hugging her knees so tightly it looked painful. She was only in her black bra and panties, the rest of her clothes discarded on the floor. Her head was buried between her knees, and her body trembled with silent sobs she tried to hold back.

In an instant, I was kneeling beside her, cradling her face gently in my hands.

“Rose!” I said, my voice trembling with unmasked fear. I gently wiped the tears streaming down her face with my thumbs.

“It’s all right,” she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. I examined her closely, searching for any injuries, but found none.

“Roza,” I said softly, my voice filled with desperation. I kept wiping her tears with one hand while gently wrapping my other arm around her shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

Rose swallowed hard, and I felt her body shudder.

“It’s so stupid,” she finally whispered. I pulled her closer, resting my forehead against hers.

“It’s not stupid at all,” I said firmly, stroking her shoulders, back, and neck, wherever I could reach. “Please, tell me,” I pleaded. I kissed her forehead, her head, and her face, as I begged her until she finally relaxed and began to speak.

“Their preferred method... of extracting information…” she glanced at me briefly. Even though I tensed, I tried not to let it show, wanting her to continue. I vowed to avenge her suffering once she was alright. “...was waterboarding.”

I froze. Every muscle in my body was so tense I feared I might snap. Fury surged through me, but I forced myself to remain calm to let her continue. Rose took a shuddering breath and continued:

“They bound our arms and legs and put our heads in pools of water, face down, of course.” She trembled more violently, so I held her closer. “I knew it would be painful, but... I didn’t expect this. They held us until we were gasping for breath, drowning. I couldn’t move or breathe, no matter how desperately I struggled against my bonds. They pulled us out only when we lost consciousness, and we woke up gasping for air on the ground. Then they dragged us back in, over and over, until I couldn’t even remember my name. I didn’t tell them anything, but... I thought I was going to die in that water,” a single tear fell from her eye, which I wiped away with my trembling hand. “And I know it’s stupid and that I’m safe now, but just the thought of taking a shower... I can’t, Dimitri. I just can’t.”

I held her close, and she clung to me, finally relaxing her tense arms. She nestled against me, and I embraced her tightly, gently rocking her.

“This isn’t stupid, Roza. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this and that we didn't find you sooner. They will pay for everything, I promise you.”

“I’m a guardian. I'm supposed to be all strong and tough, but the idea of taking a shower has me completely paralyzed,” she snorted her voice trembling.

“You are the strongest person I know,” I said firmly, catching her gaze. She had to know that I was telling the truth. “And that has nothing to do with it.”

Rose sniffed once more and snuggled closer. I held her in my arms, kissing her hair. She relaxed, letting her entire weight rest on me. She tucked her head into the crook of my neck and breathed deeply, letting her tears soak into my shirt. Once she had calmed down a bit, I whispered, “You don’t have to force yourself to do anything. I can bring you clean pajamas.”

Rose wrinkled her nose.

“It's just that I’d like to wash it all off.”

“In that case, I can help you,” I offered gently. She looked at me with a mix of curiosity and hesitation. “I can stay by your side and control the flow of water if you’d like.”

Rose glanced at the tub, and a powerful shudder shook her. To my surprise, she nodded, willing to give it a try.

She couldn’t control her trembling as I helped her into the tub. Her body quivered when she saw me reach for the shower head, and my heart clenched in sympathy.

“I’ll turn the water on to a low stream, but maybe you’d like to keep your hand on the knob so you can turn it off whenever you need to?” I suggested gently. Rose inhaled through her nose and exhaled through her mouth, trying to stave off a panic attack. She nodded, and as I adjusted the water to a low pressure, Rose gripped the knob tightly. I made sure the temperature was comfortable, but Rose still trembled violently as the water began to flow under her toes.

“Don’t worry, it’s all right,” I murmured reassuringly. “Now I’m going to start with your feet, okay?”

Rose nodded, so I gently directed the stream to her legs. She began to breathe faster, so I paused to give her time to calm down. I whispered softly, blending Russian and English until I heard her exasperated sigh.

“This is so embarrassing,” she groaned. I shook my head.

“Says someone who hasn’t uttered a word after a week of being waterboarded. Believe me, Rose, this is just a show of strength. And strength also has its limits.” The last sentence tasted bitter in my mouth. Rose finally looked into my eyes, and I could see that she had visibly relaxed. She extended her hand to me, and I grasped it tightly.

The bathing process was smoother after that. I gently guided the water over her body—her shoulders, back, and everywhere else—moving carefully and attentively. Rose stopped trembling, and after a while, her breathing normalized. She soaped herself with her favorite cream, repeating the process three times until she was certain that every trace of the past week had washed away. I handed her a towel so that she could wash her face, without dipping her face in the water, and she gladly used this option. I washed her hair taking care not to let the water pour down her face, and Rose closed her eyes, relaxing under my touch. 

When she was finished, I helped her out of the tub and wrapped her in a thick, fresh towel, covering her from head to toe. Once she was wrapped up, I drew her close, holding her tightly in my arms. Rose sighed in relief, resting her face on my chest and closing her eyes. Her entire body relaxed in my embrace.

“Thank you, comrade,” she murmured sleepily, snuggling into my shirt. “Thank you for helping me, for caring. I love you so much.”

I leaned in to place a long, tender kiss on her forehead. My lips lingered on her skin as I pulled her as close as possible. She tried to pull away to dry herself, but I wouldn’t let her go.

“Can I hold you for a while?” I asked in a voice thick with emotion. “Just for a moment.”

Rose lifted her head to meet my gaze. I couldn’t be sure what she saw in my eyes—perhaps the desperation from the past week, the fear for her well-being, or the profound relief simply from having her here. Or perhaps my raw love for her, which burned me from within and must have been visible on my face. Whatever it was, it made her eyes soften.

“Of course,” she murmured softly, nestling closer to me. “I’d love to,” she added with a hint of amusement in her voice. I embraced her tighter, placing my cheek on the top of her head. For a moment, I forgot about everything she had endured and the vengeance I longed to exact on those who had hurt her. I felt lightheaded from the relief of holding her in my arms and for that long, sweet moment, that was all that mattered to me.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

I waited for the mission to begin, thinking I was more likely to die of old age waiting for it to start than to be killed during it. Guardians bustled around the entrance to the sewers leading to the Strigoi hideout beneath the city streets, while I leaned against the car, eager for the fight to begin. I didn’t even need to check if my stakes were securely fastened—Dimitri kept glancing at them and adjusting the straps whenever he thought they were too loose.

“Can we start already?” I complained, watching my superiors work out the final details. “I’m ready to kick some Strigoi ass.”

Dimitri didn’t respond, he just listened intently to what Hans and Clive, our special task specialists, were saying. His face was tense and focused. He tied his hair into a tight ponytail and put his muscular arms over his chest. While I was bored out of my mind, he remained on high alert.

I sighed, realizing he wasn’t in the mood for conversation. At the sound, though, he tore his gaze away from the leaders and looked at me, concern shining in his eyes.

“Rose, I have a feeling you’re not taking this as seriously as you should.”

“What’s there to worry about, comrade? I’ll be lucky if I even get to kill a Strigoi. There’s only a group of four, and there are eight of us. It’ll be a piece of cake.”

Dimitri furrowed his brows.

“I know our intel says we have every advantage, but I’d feel better if you approached this mission with more caution.”

Seeing the tension in his face, I softened. I reached out and stroked his cheek.

“Nothing to worry about, I promise to take this simple mission with the utmost caution.”

Dimitri sighed, catching the sarcasm, but he didn’t get a chance to comment as we started gathering near the entrance. He leaned in, cupped my face in his hand, and kissed me hard, deep. I tightened my grip on his cheek, trying to push away the intrusive thought that this could be our last kiss. I focused on the warmth of his lips, the energy he was putting into it, and allowed myself to sink into him for that brief moment.

The kiss was too brief, but we had to focus on the mission. We both cleared our heads, ready to complete the mission and survive another day. We entered slowly through the manhole, and as I saw the underground passageways, a shiver ran through me, reminding me of a similar Strigoi hideout in Spokane. I tightened my grip on my stake. Back then, I was defenseless, but those days were over.

We walked in silence, with only the flashlights attached to our suits illuminating our path. We listened intently to every rustle, with our hearts beating fast. My earlier bravado left me at the sight of the dark corridors and the uneasy silence surrounding us. I hated that moment, just before we found ourselves in the whirlwind of battle. Where you never knew when or from which side the enemy would strike. When the fight began, the task was simple - defeat the opponent. But those moments before? They were nerve-wracking. 

We all jumped when the Strigoi attacked the guardians in front, but we reacted with lightning speed. We quickly reached out and surrounded the monsters, dividing so that two guardians dealt with one Strigoi. I attacked a female Strigoi, delivering quick blows and dodging her attacks, distracting her long enough for Dimitri to run up and sink his stake into her heart. She lunged at his neck, but I quickly deflected her attack with my stake.

Her death scream hadn’t even faded when I saw another Strigoi hurling himself at Dimitri. I quickly moved to intercept and Dimitri, realizing the danger, joined me in taking it down without hesitation. I barely had time to recover before Dimitri shielded me from another attack, pulling me out of harm's way just before the monster’s lethal blow could land. He started to fight the third Strigoi, and I took the second to see why we had already been attacked by three monsters. I froze at the sight before me.

The guardians were completely surrounded by Strigoi. Not only was each guardian facing a Strigoi alone, but in some cases, two Strigoi were attacking a single guardian. Seeing that Dimitri had the situation under control, I shouted to him that there were more of them and rushed to the aid of one of the guardians, Nate, who was cornered by three Strigoi. One held him tightly while the other raised his hand for the killing blow. I threw myself at him, taking the blow meant for Nate's throat on my shoulder. In the struggle, I didn't even feel the pain as I kicked the Strigoi holding Nate, who took the chance and slipped out of its clutches.

I wounded one of the Strigoi, giving Nate the chance to stake it through the heart while I shielded him from the other two. One of them slammed me against the wall with the force of a truck, knocking the wind out of me. Stars flashed in front of my eyes, but I held my ground as Nate drove a stake into the side of the monster, taking it off me. 

“We are retreating! Run to the exit,” Hans' breathless voice rang in my ears as a third Strigoi rushed at me. She underestimated my speed and as I dodged her blow, I swiftly aimed my stake at her chest with a force from which her ribs cracked.

A heartbeat later, a warm, familiar hand grasped mine, and before I knew it, Dimitri was pulling me toward the exit, running as fast as he could among the other fleeing guardians. He tugged me ahead of him, then let go of my hand to place his on my back, pushing me forward.

“Run, Rose,” Dimitri hissed. I picked up my pace, too breathless to even ask what the hell he was thinking. I promised myself to get back at him once we got in the safe rays of light.

We reached the ladder, but the Strigoi were right behind us. The guardians ahead of me climbed the ladder as quickly as they could, but it wasn’t fast enough. Dimitri, standing right behind me, looked at me with pain and urgency, pushing me toward the ladder, which I grabbed instinctively.

“Run!” He commanded in a tone that knew no opposition, then turned around and faced the Strigoi, along with Nate and the two other guardians who stayed behind.

I could start climbing and get out of these tunnels all right. Dimitri’s sacrifice had bought me precious time to escape. But there was no chance in hell I was leaving him behind. Not after the last time I’d left him in the cave and watched the Strigoi sink its teeth into his neck. Not after I lost him once before.

“Rose, come to us!” Hans roared at me from above when he saw I’d jumped off the ladder.

“I'm going to help them!” I shouted and threw myself at the Strigoi surrounding Dimitri. He let out a growl of frustration when he saw me, but he didn’t have time to argue as we were quickly encircled by two pairs of monsters. We barely had a moment to strike back, too preoccupied with evading their deadly attacks. Eventually, one of them threw me to the ground, and I slammed my head against the hard floor, my vision fading to black. Dimitri was too far away to intervene as a Strigoi lunged at my neck. I screamed, certain it was the end, but the fatal blow never came. Instead, another weight collided with the monster, blocking the attack. I caught a glimpse of Nate wrestling with Strigoi, but I was too slow to get up from the floor to help him before I saw the monster snap Nate’s neck, leaving him lifeless.

I screamed in despair but couldn’t react as the Strigoi lunged at me. I fought back fiercely, but it was to no avail. They had the upper hand. Blood trickled down my face as I tried to fend off the deadly blows. Another guardian fell, leaving only Dimitri, Daniel, and me still fighting for our lives.

Dimitri caught my gaze while dodging the next attack. Half of his handsome face was bruised from a blow he hadn't managed to block. Daniel went limp, struggling to free himself from the Strigoi who was delivering blow after blow. We needed something more than our fighting skills. If only Christian had been here...

Suddenly, an idea came to me. It was desperate, impractical, and had little chance of success, but it was better than nothing.

I hurled my stake at the Strigoi, who shrieked in surprise as the metal grazed her skin, though it didn’t cause her any pain. In that precious second, I reached into my pockets and pulled out several small glass bottles of alcohol-based disinfectant—a necessity for any mission. I threw them to the ground, shattering them into a fine mess. The Strigoi lunged at me, but I fell to the ground, scrambling in my pocket for a lighter. Ignoring the danger, I ignited the liquid and jumped to my feet as bright flames lit up the tunnels. 

The Strigoi screamed and fled from the fire, while Dimitri and Daniel quickly understood what I had done and added their own bottles to fuel the flames. Dimitri shouted to me, leaping through the flames to shield me from the Strigoi and pulling me to safety. Once he had me in his arms, he didn’t stop but, shouting to Daniel to escape, pulled me toward the ladder again.

The heat of the flames scorched our skin and whipped our clothes as we dashed through the fire that the Strigoi dared not cross. The ends of my trousers were burning when I reached the ladder, with Dimitri right behind me. I began climbing quickly, feeling the fire searing my calves and the pain in my arm. At the top, helping hands reached out to pull me up, bringing me from the dark tunnels into the safety of the sunlight. I was lying on the ground as someone began to douse the flames on my clothes with a jacket. Dimitri emerged just as the fire extinguisher was activated, with Daniel following close behind.

I was breathing heavily, feeling the air fill my lungs. I was alive—despite everything. Despite the wound in my shoulder, the blood on my forehead, and the burns on my hands, legs, and God knows where else. I was alive. Dimitri lay beside me, catching his breath, but he mustered the strength to prop himself up on one hand and look at me.

A storm of emotions raged in his eyes—relief, worry, anger, fear. His face was swollen and tinged with purple, but his attention remained solely on me and my injuries.

“Are you all right?” he asked, his voice hoarse. I nodded, feeling lightheaded.

“I’m okay. And you?” I asked, reaching out to touch his face, but flinching at the movement. I knew I was in for a lengthy visit to the medics. Dimitri's face softened at this sight.

“I'm fine. You should have run when you had the chance,” he said sternly. 

“I’d think you’d be glad that I didn't” I retorted.

“If something had happened to you…”

I looked him straight in the eye, making sure he knew I was serious as I interrupted.

“No. I will never run away again,” I whispered, the words hanging between us as heavily as if I had shouted them. “And you wouldn't run away either.”

Dimitri didn’t answer, but he didn’t need to. We both knew he wouldn’t have. For a moment, I saw worry in his eyes before he closed them and sighed heavily.

I wanted to comfort him, or at least remind him that we were alive, but the medics arrived and quickly loaded us onto stretchers. I felt his fingers on my wrist reaching for me one last time before they separated us, but I was swiftly taken away. But that was okay. We had survived. We would see another day. And for that moment, it was enough for me.

Chapter Text

Dimitri POV

It all went to hell when we separated from the team, chasing a Strigoi who was trying to escape. We chased her to her underground lair and defeated her together. Unfortunately, we didn't have time to return to the surface when the ground was shaken by a powerful explosion. I threw myself over Rose, pinning her beneath me and desperately trying to shield her from the falling pieces of the stone ceiling. She screamed, reaching out her arm to cover my head as best she could. I held her tightly, convinced this was the end for us.

I was fortunately wrong. The stone walls collapsed in jagged pieces, forming a cave around us. When we realized we were alive, Rose threw her arms around my neck, holding me tightly. I pulled her so close that not a single inch separated us. She hid her face in the hollow of my neck, and I rested my cheek against her hair. We were panting heavily, unable to believe that we had survived despite everything. We couldn’t believe how lucky we were—that everything was going to be fine.

Unfortunately, we were wrong.

By the light of our flashlights, we checked for injuries. They weren’t horrible, but we decided to treat them first. Rose’s hand was bloodied—the same one she used to cover my head—and she had a small wound just above her forehead. I examined the wound, wiping away the blood, wondering if she’d been hurt by falling debris or if I’d done it when I knocked her to the floor. In any case, anxiety tightened my stomach into a knot. When she examined me, it turned out that my leg was cut, bleeding, and painful to stand on.

I tore off a piece of my shirt and Rose did the same with hers. I pulled out a small bottle of disinfectant from my pocket and held out my hand to Rose. She extended her hand, letting me pour the disinfectant on her wound. She hissed and instinctively tried to pull her hand away, but I held it firmly.

“Shhh,” I muttered, stroking the uninjured skin with my thumb. Once the area around the wound dried, I bandaged it as best I could with a piece of my shirt. In return, Rose sat me down, rolled up my jeans, and carefully attended to the cut on my shin. I grimaced at the burning sensation but let her continue until the wound was bandaged. I got to my feet; Rose reached out, and I helped her up. She shook off her hands and looked at me with a flash of determination.

“Okay, comrade. What's the plan?”

“We need to assess how badly the tunnel is blocked,” I said, scanning the area. “See if there’s any way out or access to air. And hope the team starts a rescue mission soon.”

We started the visual inspection. The entrance to the tunnel was blocked, and despite our efforts, we could not move any stones. We began making our way between the stones to the other side, where the Strigoi we had hunted had been heading. The tunnel led to a small chamber where heavy chains were attached to the wall.

"Well, at least we got rid of the Strigoi before it could lead us here," Rose commented, carefully picking up what looked like a bloody metal rod.

To our dismay, we found no ventilation or air source anywhere. We didn't feel a lack of oxygen, so it was possible that air was getting through the cracks leading to the surface, but we couldn't be sure. I hoped that we would soon begin to hear the sounds of the rescue team.

We returned to the nearest spot by the exit and checked our supplies. Neither of us had any water or food, just weapons, flashlights, pocket knives, and cell phones. We tried to call other guardians, but couldn't get a signal. 

Rose wanted to start digging through the tunnel with the metal rods from the chamber, but I hesitated. Moving the stones might have triggered further collapses, which could be fatal. I could see she wanted to act quickly, but I protested. I tried to convince her that help would soon be searching for us, and their rescue would be safer than our attempts to dig ourselves out.

Rose was not convinced. She weighed a metal rod in one hand and wielded a flashlight in the other. I knew waiting wasn't in her nature. She needed to act, to fight. I placed my hand on her shoulder.

“Let’s wait, Roza,” I said. “We’ve already been lucky. Let’s not push it.”

Rose let the air out through her mouth in surrender.

“Okay, we can wait. For now.”

We picked up the metal chains and rods and clanged them loudly, hoping someone on the surface could hear us. We shouted for help, but after an hour, exhaustion set in. Rose leaned against me, mechanically striking metal against metal, like a depressing version of the dulcimer. 

With each passing minute, my anxiety gnawed at me. We both knew the protocol allowed only so much time to find missing guardians and attempt a rescue. If our colleagues deemed the situation hopeless, they could abandon the rescue attempts altogether. For instance, if they saw the collapsed stone tunnel and decided our chances of survival were slim.

Rose was thinking along similar lines. “How much more time do we have before they have to abandon the search?”

“Assuming they fought for another hour after the tunnel collapsed,” I muttered, though we both knew the fight had probably ended much sooner. “We have half an hour left.”

Rose's eyes widened with fear and she began to call even louder for help. I joined her while trying again to find a signal for a phone call. But there was still nothing.

“That's it, right?” Rose asked, her voice thick with disbelief as thirty minutes passed. “They left us for dead?”

“I'm afraid so,” I admitted reluctantly, my shoulders slumping. My hope of getting out of here was dashed. I saw no way out of this stone coffin without outside help. And our window had just closed.

“How could they leave us?” Rose shouted, slapping the stone wall in frustration. “I would never have allowed anyone to leave a teammate in this situation!”

“Maybe they thought our chances of survival were almost zero, and digging us out was too risky for them,” I said resignedly, glancing again at the stones blocking our way. Rose kicked one of those stones.

“Fucking cowards,” she hissed, her eyes blazing with fury. “Lissa will never agree to this. She will make them come back for us.”

I grimaced. “I think they will tell her that they did their best.”

She let out a low, angry growl. It didn’t surprise me—Rose never gave up when there was a chance to save someone, whether in a rescue mission or any other dramatic situation.

“Fine. Then we’re on our own,” she hissed, rolling up her sleeves and grabbing one of the metal rods. She began looking for the best spot to start digging, but I gently placed my hand on her shoulder.

“Rose, we don't know where it is safe to dig. You may cause another collapse that will crush us this time.”

“So what exactly are you proposing, comrade?” she asked, her voice trembling with barely contained rage. “Should we lie down and wait until we rot? Or maybe play rock-paper-scissors to decide who’ll eat the other while we wait? I'm not going to sit here and wait for death—if they won’t help us, we’ll have to do it ourselves.”

I glared at her, but I didn't know how to answer. I didn't see any alternative. I’d thought about trying to communicate with spirit users through sleep, but Lissa hadn’t mastered the skill, and Adrian and Sonia’s powers were blocked by the antidepressants they were on. We were out of options.

“You're right,” I admitted gravely. Even if we were to die under the collapsing ceiling, we had to try to escape, otherwise, all that awaited us was a slow death in this stone coffin.

I took the metal rod from her, knowing I was physically stronger, and began digging into the stone cracks, trying to move the rock fragments. Rose helped me, pulling out the stones as I tried to widen the fissures. The work progressed slowly, stone by stone. Our injuries slowed us down, and we became increasingly aware of the limited oxygen in the tunnel.

We worked for hours, our hands bloody, streaked with blisters and calluses, while sweat poured from our foreheads. We were drenched in sweat, our jackets long discarded.

When I saw Rose wobble on her feet, I told her to stop. I grabbed her elbows, and she admitted she couldn’t see anything. I gently sat her on my duster and told her to keep her head between her knees until her breathing steadied. It was clear her fatigue was worsened by the lack of oxygen.

I stroked the wet skin on her neck and shoulders, eyeing the piece of stone we hadn’t been able to move for an hour. We couldn’t move it or split it. All we could do was tilt it enough to create a small gap between the wall, the stone, and the floor.

Rose stared intently at the stone wall. “Do you think we'll be able to move it?” she asked, breathless. I pressed my lips together tightly.

“I'm not sure,” I admitted.

“What if… what if I squeezed through this gap?” she asked, pointing to the small opening we’d made. The crack was narrow—I hadn’t even thought it was passable. Certainly not for me. And it was covered by a large, unstable piece of stone that was too heavy for me to hold. If something went wrong, it could easily crush her.

“I don’t know, Rose. It seems too unstable,” I said, not wanting to imagine the consequences. Rose tilted her head. 

“Come on, let’s try to move it. If that doesn’t work, I’ll squeeze through to the other side.”

Knowing what she was planning, I redoubled my efforts to move or break the damn rock, but it wouldn’t budge. All I managed was to widen the gap slightly, but not enough for me to squeeze through. I was breathless when Rose stopped me from trying to move it further. She tied her hair back into a ponytail and handed me her flashlight, asking me to strap it to her shoulder.

“Rose... please, let’s come up with another plan,” I pleaded, unable to hide the desperation in my voice. Rose looked at me slowly, her eyes shining warmly in the cold light of the flashlight.

“Everything will be fine, comrade. I’d rather take the risk than wait here and starve. If I make it through, I’ll come back with help, you know that.”

“Just... please, be careful,” I murmured, securing the flashlight tightly to her arm. Rose cupped my face and kissed me hard, and I didn’t want to let her go. She pulled away, kissed me again—quick and brief—then leaned back to pick up the rod I’d left on the ground. After checking the flashlight, she began wedging herself through the narrow gap.

“Gee, this isn’t a place for claustrophobics,” she joked, but I couldn’t respond, too focused on watching her disappear into the darkness I couldn’t follow. I kept both hands on the rock as if I could stop it from crushing her if it shifted. I certainly wasn't going to stand idly by.

Suddenly, I heard her gasp in surprise.

“Are you all right?” I asked, my voice tight with worry.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Everything’s going according to—” She didn’t finish before I heard a loud thud, and the rock began to slide over her. Rose screamed, and I threw myself against the rock, trying to stop it. I pushed with all my strength, but I couldn’t halt a boulder a hundred times heavier than me.

“Rose!” I groaned, pushing against the rock, which threatened to crush my hands.

“I'm on the other side!” she shouted. I let go of the stone, and it slammed shut with a bang. Small fragments rained down on me, forcing me to cover my head. I heard something heavy crash on the other side, but before I could shout, Rose’s voice, full of fear, called out, “Dimitri, are you all right!?”

“I’m fine!” I shouted back. “What about you?”

“I’m okay. And I think... I see light. I’m really close to the exit.”

“Try to get through, but please, be careful.”

“All right, all right,” she replied, her casual tone doing nothing to calm my nerves. “And you take care, okay? I’ll come back with help.”

“Okay,” I replied, though it was hard to care about my fate as I shuddered, thinking of the dangers awaiting her. Rocks that could fall on her, that could crush her. II kept trying to move the big rock, again and again, but it was no use. It wouldn’t budge. For a while, I heard the distant sounds of splitting rocks and shifting stones, but each minute they grew quieter, until finally, they stopped altogether.

This was the worst part of my entrapment. In theory, I knew Rose had a better chance of escaping now than she did when we were stuck together. Still, I couldn’t shake the intrusive voice in my head whispering that she might not be safe at all. That Rose could be injured, unconscious, or worse—dead—while I sat helpless just meters away. That I didn’t help her. That I let her die.

Illogical panic boiled in my chest, clouding my thoughts. I clawed at the stone walls, desperate, until my hands were raw and useless, slick with blood.

I lost track of the hours that passed after I stopped hearing Rose, until faint murmurs of voices reached me. When I finally heard my name being shouted, it felt like an eternity had passed. I called back, hearing the steady sound of drilling. Soon, the familiar faces of the guardians appeared, their flashlights cutting through the darkness.

They pulled me to the surface, which wasn’t far from where I’d been trapped. I hadn’t even adjusted to the blinding light when a familiar weight was thrown around my neck. My legs buckled with relief, but I held Rose tightly. She clung to me like she’d never let go, as if ensuring we would never be separated again.

“Dimitri,” she sobbed, pressing her face into the hollow of my neck. I understood her; my head was spinning with relief.

“Why aren’t you in the hospital?” I asked, barely managing to push her back enough to look at her. Her face was caked with dust, a trickle of blood running from her hairline down to her chin, her skin covered in scratches.

“She refused to move until we got you out,” replied Mikhail, who helped pull me out of the tunnel. ”We barely managed to stop her from coming down with us.”

“I promised I’d come back for you,” she murmured. I cupped her face, ignoring the pain that shot through my body and leaned in until our foreheads touched.

“We’re alive because of you,” I whispered, watching as tears welled in her eyes.

“We are alive because we were there together,” she corrected softly, her grip tightening on my shirt. I couldn’t help but let out a quiet laugh.

“There’s no one else I’d rather be stuck in a tunnel with.”

Rose laughed, shaking her head, and hugged me tightly. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her even closer. The medics were calling for us, urging us to get our wounds treated, but for a while, I let myself ignore them. I just wanted to savor the feeling—the air in my lungs, the sun on my skin, and my Rose, safe in my arms.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

I couldn't believe what was happening.

Lissa had decided that she absolutely had to embark on an important political mission to the Moroi and dhampir community living in the remote regions of Russia. I had thought Dimitri's hometown was hard to reach, but compared to our current trip, a twenty-hour flight and a full day of driving seemed like a piece of cake.

Moroi communities were scattered across the country, but the one furthest from human civilization had grown into the most powerful and held the greatest influence in shaping public opinion. This was where Lissa was eager to gain support. This community, known for its highly conservative views, had been causing Lissa considerable trouble, so she wanted to address the issue in person.

We were all exhausted by the time we arrived at the designated village after several days of driving. An additional difficulty was that we had to travel exclusively during the day, as the sun protected us from Strigoi attacks. We aimed to reach the village a few hours before sunset to give ourselves time to position the guardians in strategic locations. The area surrounding the community was said to be teeming with Strigoi, lying in wait for Moroi and dhampirs traveling in smaller groups.

However, when we arrived, the self-appointed guards refused to let us through. They stood guard in front of the community’s entrance gate, surrounding their village chief, a stern-looking Moroi with a long gray beard.

"But this is your queen," Hans explained with barely concealed anger. "We agreed on this visit, and Her Highness is risking her life to speak with you and your people."

"That was before we knew you were bringing sinners," the village chief snarled, glaring at me and Dimitri as if he wanted to trample us.

That's what it was all about. So that’s what it was all about. Dimitri and I weren’t married yet, although he often reminded me that he was ready to get down on one knee as soon as I gave him the green light. I was firm in my belief that I was too young to be anyone’s wife. Although I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Dimitri, I wasn’t ready to rush into anything.

Apparently, that was a mistake because now they wouldn’t let us through the gates due to Dimitri and me "living in sin”. This didn’t apply to Lissa and Christian, who had married last summer—although their haste was largely due to the pressure on Lissa. She hadn’t been thrilled with the pace imposed on them, but she wasn’t complaining. 

Unfortunately, Dimitri and I became the only couple on our expedition who didn’t get married.

“What if Rose and I return to Novosibirsk?” Dimitri asked, resigned. We were desperate to get Lissa, Christian, and several council members behind the secure magical barriers surrounding the vampire community. The village leader shook his head.

"Then we won't allow the others who support your... behavior to enter."

I wanted to tear my hair out.

“What if Dimitri and I split up? Here and now?” Dimitri shot me a brief glare, but he knew very well that I wasn’t going to stick to this “parting” once we left these lunatics. Unfortunately, the village chief knew it too. He snorted with contempt.

“You don’t expect us to believe in the sincerity of such intentions, do you?”

I cast a glance at Lissa, who gently touched my shoulder. She gave a small grunt and smiled pleasantly.

“So, what can we do to enter your gates given the current situation?”

“Guardians Hathaway and Belikov can get married. Our priest can conduct the ceremony in the church within an hour. Then you’ll be allowed to enter.”

“Excuse you?!” Anger and disbelief echoed in Lissa’s voice, but this time I stopped her with a gesture.

My eyes met Dimitri’s, and we made our decision. Neither of us wanted to get married here and now, in this damned village, but we weren’t going to risk our lives or put our friends in danger because of it.

“All right,” I agreed reluctantly, casting a glance at the village chief.

Dimitri stepped beside me, placing his hand on my shoulder.

“We’ll get married today if that’s what you require.”

The village chief studied our faces, and upon seeing the resignation in our eyes, he smiled broadly and opened his arms.

“A wise choice, my children. Now, you are invited to enter.”

It was decided that our wedding would take place before any further discussions. The village leader suggested holding the discussions during the wedding, but we refused to throw any kind of celebration. We weren’t exactly in a celebratory mood. So, the village chief’s men escorted us to separate rooms, where the community would help us prepare for the ceremony, set to take place in an hour.

News quickly spread through the small town and someone brought me a simple white gown, reaching to the floor and revealing my shoulders. Naturally, I was also given a shawl to cover them. Since I only had heavy military boots with me, someone lent me a pair of ballet flats that were almost my size.

Lissa helped me do my hair so that most of it cascaded down my back, with two small braids coming off my temples and meeting at the back of my head. When she finished, she squeezed my shoulders and looked at our reflection in the mirror.

“For what it’s worth, you look beautiful,” she murmured softly, adjusting my bangs, though her voice held a trace of sadness. She didn’t want to push me into this—an impulsive wedding I wasn’t ready for. One where I’d be wearing a borrowed dress and shoes that didn’t even fit.

I felt tears gathering in my eyes and tried to smile.

“It’s okay, Liss. Really, it is. Maybe it’s not how I imagined it, but the most important thing is that I’m walking down the aisle with Dimitri, and you’re here. That’s all that matters to me.”

Liss hugged me, and I closed my eyes, trying to believe my own words. For the past hour, all I could think about was how I might have avoided this wedding. Not because I dreaded the idea of marrying Dimitri. But because the choice to do it on my own terms had been taken away from me.

I apologized to Lissa and told her I needed some air before all of this. I climbed the church’s stairs to the top floor (which wasn’t very high) and stepped onto a small balcony overlooking the little village.

The sun was setting, casting golden rays on the woods, the church roof, and my skin. I closed my eyes, grateful that my friends and the other guardians were safely behind magical shields in a region crawling with Strigoi as the sun set. I would have sacrificed much more to ensure their safety.

I heard the creak of the wooden stairs behind me. My heart quickened, knowing exactly who was coming. I turned to see Dimitri standing in the doorway to the balcony.

“Hey,” I whispered.

“Hey,” he replied. He was dressed in a mismatched suit, his freshly washed hair falling softly to his shoulders. I nearly smiled at the sight—I always liked it better when his hair was loose. His sharp eyes studied me closely. “I wanted to check how you were feeling.”

I snorted.

“Don’t you know it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress before the wedding?” I teased, gesturing to the borrowed gown. Dimitri's gaze softened.

“It seems we’ve already had our share of bad luck.”

I gasped, feigning surprise.

"What do you mean? I thought this was exactly what you wanted. The wedding, marriage, and all that stuff. Isn’t that everything you’ve dreamed of?" Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew this anger shouldn’t be aimed at him—he had as little choice in this as I did. But I needed to let it out.

"No... not like that." The seriousness and sadness in his voice made me pause before launching another attack.

I sighed deeply and turned away, once again fixing my gaze on the setting sun. Dimitri slowly approached and leaned his forearms on the railing, resting his weight against the wooden barricade. He gazed into the distance, and the sunlight illuminated his face so beautifully that, for a moment, my heart skipped a beat.

"No?" I asked softly, curious about what else he was thinking. He shook his head and looked at me tenderly.

"No. It’s true that marrying you is one of my deepest desires, but... I only want to marry you if you want it too. If you have the same strong desire I do to officially seal our relationship. For me to kneel before you with a ring. For you to call me your husband. I want to share that desire with you. I would like to share this desire with you. And if you're forced to marry me because of external circumstances... that’s definitely not what I want."

The sadness in his voice made me forget my disappointment, and all I wanted was to comfort him. I caught his hands in mine and gently squeezed them.

"Yeah, okay, I know neither of us wants to get married in this godforsaken town, in borrowed clothes." I gestured to our outfits and met his gaze again. "But at least I’m marrying you—that’s the part I don’t regret. I love you, and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I shrugged as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "And if they want me to officially confirm it, so be it. I’m not going to lie about a single word."

Dimitri gazed intensely into my eyes, then cupped my face in his hands and kissed me, sweet and gentle. I smiled, feeling his lips on mine. He pulled away and fixed a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"I love you too, more than anything." His eyes were sincere as if he wanted me to know that even though this whole charade was forced, his feelings were real.

“I know,” I replied, squeezing his hand. He smiled and looked at the horizon again as if collecting his thoughts.

"Actually, I came up here for another reason. I wanted to make you a proposal."

I raised my brows in confusion.

“To marry you?” I prompted. Dimitri chuckled softly, looking a little flustered.

“Well, yes, in a way.”

“All right, I'll marry you. In about five minutes, as a matter of fact,” I gestured with my head toward the stairs leading down to the church. Dimitri's smile widened.

“Well, yes, I guess we have to go through this. But my suggestion relates to what happens next.” I couldn’t hide my confusion but didn't interrupt him. The gleam in his eyes filled me with optimism. “I want to suggest that we go through with it and pretend this wedding didn’t happen. It wasn’t our decision; we were forced into it, so technically, it won’t be fully valid, and others should respect our will. Nothing will change for us at home. And when, in the future, you feel ready and willing to get married, you’ll let me know, and I’ll kneel before you and ask if you’ll marry me, on our terms and by your own free will. And we’ll marry as we please, on our own terms. By our own decision.”

I felt the smile widen on my face. I climbed up on my toes and kissed him, harder this time, feeling happiness spread through my body. 

“I like this proposal,” I whispered, keeping my lips close to his. "Very much."

He laughed lightly, strengthening his grip on my waist.

“I’m glad. That’s the plan. But for now, come on, we’ve got a marriage to seal.”

I snorted. 

“All right. Let's get this wedding over with.”

We kissed again, quick and sweet. Then Dimitri took my hand and we walked down the wooden stairs together, straight to the center of the church. Holding his hand, I felt like I had regained control over my own fate, and the promise to stay by his side until death no longer felt like such a terrible sacrifice.

Chapter Text

Rose POV

The world was spinning before I opened my eyes, and when I lifted my eyelids the swaying became even worse. I closed them immediately, feeling not only a piercing headache in response to the light, but also increasing nausea. I would have been happiest to stay in my reclining position and not expose my poor body to any additional unpleasant stimuli. 

I couldn't remember a worse hangover in ages. Only one question buzzed in my head: Why the hell did I drink so much yesterday? Judging by the string of muffled curses from Dimitri’s pillow, he was asking himself the same exact question.

It was January 1st, and the day before, we’d had way too much fun at the Palace party. Dimitri and I had the day off after taking extra shifts throughout Christmas break—since we were spending it with our charges anyway, we covered for other guardians so they could be with their loved ones. In return, we got a day off on New Year's Eve. Lissa and Christian joined us after finishing the banquet with the older generation, and the four of us shook off a year’s worth of stress, tension, and responsibilities.

I thought I had a great time, but lying in bed I couldn't believe that any fun was worth the feeling.

‘What the fuck was last night?’ I groaned, turning my head toward Dimitri, only to be hit with another wave of nausea. He lay on his back, shirtless and sprinkled with glitter, covering his eyes with one arm.

‘You tell me. I don't remember half of it.’

I couldn’t help but laugh, though it triggered another wave of nausea and a groan escaped me. Dimitri lowered his arm and gave me a soft look.

‘How do you feel?’ he asked, his tired eyes meeting mine. He didn’t look great either—pale, with dark circles under his eyes.

‘Like hell,’ I muttered, burying my face in the pillow. I heard Dimitri sigh softly before sitting up and rising from the bed. ‘What are you doing?’ I asked quietly.

'I'm making us some electrolytes,' he replied, his voice strained. A moment later, he returned from the kitchen with a full glass.

‘There's no way I'm going to drink this without throwing up,’ I muttered as he set the glass on my night table. He had already drunk half of his own.

‘Try it, you'll feel better, I promise.’

Unfortunately, his promises were of little use. With great effort, I managed to rise for a drink, but after just two sips, I felt so sick I rushed to the bathroom to throw up. Dimitri was right behind me, holding my hair and stroking my neck. 

'I'm sorry,' he whispered softly as I wiped my face and flushed the contents of the toilet. At least I felt much better. Dimitri slipped me a glass of electrolytes and I drank them slowly, taking breaks to breathe. He sat beside me, gently stroking my back.

‘Do we have anything to eat?’ I asked when I felt even better. My head still pounded, and the nausea crept back, but I felt that some greasy food might help me recover.

The corner of Dimitri's mouth lifted.

‘We'll have to see what's edible.’ He helped me up, and we headed to the kitchen.

We made breakfast together - double-cheese toast, the fattier the more desirable. Though each bite felt risky, we quickly regained color in our faces, and the nausea eased to a manageable level. I let him shower first, using the time I had to lie under the blanket and recover. Eventually, it was my turn, and I went to wash off the dirt, sweat, and glitter from the night before.

After my bath, I sat on the couch with wet hair, wearing one of Dimitri's oversized cotton t-shirts and shorts, when he came in from the kitchen carrying mugs of hot chocolate. Just the sight of him warmed me, and I felt better even before sipping the hot beverage.

‘Thanks, comrade. You are my savior today.’

Dimitri snorted, sitting down on the couch next to me and sinking into the soft cushions. He was wearing his home sweater and sweatpants.

‘At your service,’ he said with amusement. He stretched his arm across the back of the couch and gently stroked my hair. “Do you feel better?”

‘Much,' I admitted, taking small sips of my hot chocolate. It always amazed me how Dimitri could drink hot beverages without hesitation, showing no sign of feeling the burn. I sighed resignedly. “Which probably means I should start tackling the pile of college work I'd left for “after New Year's Eve.”'

Dimitri laughed lightly. I shifted, resting my feet on his lap as his fingers traced gentle patterns on my skin. How could I possibly focus on studying when I had a warm cup of hot chocolate and my handsome boyfriend’s touch distracting me?

“Do you know when you have to return to Lehigh?”

“In two days,” I replied gravely, leaning my cheek against the back of the couch. It wasn't that I disliked my university, but the current onslaught of assignments made me dread going back. And above all, it was hard to part with Dimitri after spending every day together, especially since we'd been inseparable during the Christmas break. Dimitri tried to smile sympathetically, but it came out more of a grimace. I knew that he wasn't happy about the prospect of separation either.

‘Maybe it won’t be so bad?’ he suggested, trying to console me. I shrugged and scowled.

“Perhaps, as long as I manage to pass everything. That, and if you come to us soon, Christian said something about next weekend.”

Dimitri shook his head with sadness in his eyes.

“I'm going on another mission then.”

Alarm bells went off in my head as anxiety spread through my veins, settling in my stomach. I straightened involuntarily and leaned toward him. I was no longer sleepy, but the nausea had returned.

“What mission? And why am I not on it?”

The corner of Dimitri's mouth lifted.

‘The usual. They’ve tracked a new Strigoi hideout, about four of them, and the regular team is being sent in. You weren’t chosen because you're leaving with Lissa and have exams to pass.’

“Exams aren’t that important!” I was indignant. Fear made me lose control over my reactions. Dimitri noticed this and put his warm hand on my calf.

‘Of course, they’re important. You need to pass them to stay in college and continue protecting Lissa. As for the mission, we have enough people to make it relatively safe.’ When I didn’t respond, he gently ran his fingers over my leg. ‘Is everything all right?’

The truth was, everything really was all right. Dimitri was just doing his job as a guardian while going on this mission. The same kind we had been on many, many times before. I knew that when it came to fighting skills he was unmatched and that he wasn't going there unprepared. Still, I couldn’t shake the anxiety in my heart at the thought that something could happen to him, and I wouldn’t be there with him.

‘Yeah…’ I replied slowly, gazing into his eyes. ‘But... you know you’re not allowed to die there, right?’

Dimitri smiled in relief, shrugging playfully.

“Well, if that's the order I have, I guess I have to follow it.”

‘Of course you do. After all, I’m the general,’ I said, forcing our joke. Dimitri smiled warmly, this time the smile reaching his eyes.

“Yes, ma’am” he replied, feinting seriousness, bringing his lips closer to mine. I kissed him slowly, savoring the feel of his lips on mine, his warmth against my face, immersing myself in the closeness. I sighed resignedly as he pulled away from me.

“Who is going with you?”

“Travis, Veronica, Mikhail...and the rest.”

‘I’ll have to tell them that if they let anything happen to you, I’ll kill them all.’

‘It’d be a shame,’ he said, pretending to be completely serious as he resumed stroking my leg. ‘Mikhail just got back from his honeymoon.’

‘That's why he should watch over you,’ I said ominously. I raised my hands in exasperation. ‘I can't believe I won't be there! Instead, I'll be stuck with fucking political science while you guys are putting your lives at risk.’

‘Honestly, if I had the choice, I’m not sure I wouldn’t pick risking my life over political science.’

‘I, for one, know I’d definitely pick risking my life,’ I replied sharply. ‘At least against the Strigoi, I have a chance to win.’

Dimitri laughed sincerely, and I relaxed a bit, watching him lean his head back against the couch. When he looked at me, warm sparks lit up his eyes.

“How about I quiz you on your material”

I raised my eyebrows doubtfully.

“Quiz me on what? I mastered exactly zero percent of the required material.”

Dimitri stifled another laugh.

‘So, how about I help you master it?’

‘Right now?’ I asked, puzzled and not quite willing to devote my time with him to studying. He shrugged.

‘Why not? Bring the book you need and we can look through it.’

‘If you want to fall asleep quickly,’ I muttered, setting my mug down and dragging myself off the couch. When I grabbed my textbook and came back to the living room, I looked at him in disbelief. ‘You really want to read this with me? Don’t you have anything better to do?’

‘Better than spending time with you? I can’t think of anything.’ He gave me a gentle smile that completely disarmed me.

“Okay, but I warned you,” I said, answering him with a smile. I lay down on the couch with my head on his lap. He combed his fingers through my hair as I read aloud a chapter from the textbook. Every now and then, he’d interject to ask a question or summarize a passage. Even reading my damned textbook felt so good, being so close to him. I didn't know what the future would bring, but as long as I had him by my side, I wasn't going to complain.