Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The 67rd floor was known to split teams in the tower.

Bam wasn't exactly sure how that reputation came to be, but previous teams have been known to fall out with each other on this exact floor. A rift caused between them that was simply too deep.

Jinsung Ha has warned him long ago to choose his team wisely, for this exact reason - for this exact floor.

Don't get too involved, he would whisper to him in the dark, lighting a cigarette in the process. Bam would cower in the corner, having endured yet another brutal training session from his master.

As Jyu Viole Grace, he was more machine than man, the heights set for himself very soon surpassed by himself again.

Jinsung Ha tried to spoil his disciple as much as he could, in between the cruelty known as FUG. That's why he emphasized his concern over Bams team choice, something about emotions and weapons and the importance of detachment.

Jinsung exhaled a long breath, cigarette smoke framing his face. The closer you are to someone, the more hurt you'll be once they leave you.

His master was not wrong.

Bam most certainly did not believe in miracles and fairytales anymore; but he did believe in loyalty. Perseverance and stubbornness for sure.

If two people were destined to be with each other, not even god could stand between them.

He thought of Daniel and Roen. Loyalty is what drove Daniel insane in the end, two lovers reunited only in death.

Maybe that's what happened to his parents as well, Bam pondered.

Maybe in a sleight hand of twisted fate, he was supposed to walk the same path as them. Emotions were really dangerous, if only strong enough - in the end, they forged a weapon more lethal than any of the 13 Months.

That's why at first, Bam didn't believe in Hwaryuns words when she first approached him.

Two floors ago, Bams' guide suddenly appeared before him after having left with Rachel. The red on her sweater matched the soft red on her lips, he noted. A faraway look donned her eyes, gaze somewhere beyond him yet still coherent enough to be seeking out her god.

Bam mustered his guide properly.

She seemed…serious? Or more collected than she normally was. A sure way to be fooled, he guessed. Or rather protected, in her own roundabout way.

“My god,” Her voice was still as smooth as velvet, Bam noticed. “How are you doing these days?”

Bam tightly grinned, smile straining at the corners. When Hwaryun came for a visit like this, it never meant anything good.

“Perfectly fine, thanks for asking. How are you holding up yourself?”

Hwaryuns face betrayed no emotion. He silently admired the way she always, with no exception, seemed to hold her composure.

“Just as fine.” Strutting to the window, the guide gently rested her hands on the railings. She seemed to ponder something, her gaze lingering on the scenery outside. To his right, Hwaryun began to fiddle with the ring adorned on her left hand, a pretty silver thing.

The ruby seemed to call out to Bam.

Bam's finger twitched in response.

“Say, how is your lightbearer doing these days?”

Bams brow quirked upwards.

Having Hwaryun asking about Khun was nothing out of the ordinary, but asking for the wellbeing of his lightbearer was something else entirely.

Bam slowly followed to the window, glancing outside. He deliberately delayed his answer, and instead chose to take in the 65rd floor, expecting to see something capable of even catching Hwayruns interest. Instead, what greeted him was an onslaught of…gray.

Nothing significant, vast fields stretching into nothingness - today's shinsu sky reflected a feeling of somberness, Bam observed.

Bam glanced at his guide. Her posture and demeanor exuded an air of serenity, not giving away any clue or indicator of what her intentions were. Deep inside, the irregular grew irritated at his inability to read her - if he could, he would at least be able to choose an appropriate answer.

In the end, he could only answer with the simple truth.

“He's holed up in his room, preparing for the upcoming floor tests -” which was really nothing but the truth, Bam noted to himself - “so he's fine, I guess.”

A smile danced around her lips.

“Hm.”

Somehow, that knowing smirk moved something in him. It was the all-knowing-ness, that arrogance of simply always knowing better than him, that really triggered him this time.

He was sick of being left in the dark once again.

“What? You know him better than me now?” Bam tried hard not to crush his hands into angry fists, keeping his hard gaze focused on the outside view.

He had a feeling that this conversation was less about Khun than it was about him, and that irked him.

Why did she always have this roundabout way of going about things?

He hated it, deeply despised the way they all still deliberately kept things from him.

The irregular breathed a heavy sigh, trying hard to dissipate his inner rage. “I just said, I think he is doing fine-”

"-You assume.”

Hwayrun turned to look at him, her gaze firmly fixing his. “You don't think about what he is doing or what he is thinking about, you assume.”

Bam blinked.

Somehow he was torn between disagreeing and agreeing with his guide. It was true, he was assuming Khuns feelings, but weren't they assumptions based on good enough grounds?

Didn't he know his lightbearer well enough to correctly deduce the reasons behind his actions?

His face must've reflected his inner thoughts, as Hwaryun just seemed to look right through him.

It also seemed that Hwayrun was not satisfied with his reaction. “Don't you think it would do you both good to talk to one another?“ she questioned.

Bam snorted. “We do talk, plenty. Everyday, actually, but you wouldn't know since you just disappear for months and then suddenly barge in and demand I speak to my friends, as if you knew everything while actually having not a single clue!” Bam heaved, breath heavy and charged.

A second passed between them.

Suddenly, white-hot shame coursed through the wave controller. Bam hated it, utterly detested it, when he lost it like that. Sometimes, he couldn't exactly grasp where his emotions led him, why he said the things he said.

Sometimes he felt so out of control in his own body.

Sometimes he wondered if there was something else controlling his emotions.

The worst part was that Hwaryun seemed to know even that.

“My god, I didn't mean any offense. Simply put, I will tell you one thing-” Hwaryuns finger tapped softly, creating a comforting sound in the eerily quiet corridor. “Things are never as simple as you think them to be. What might seem forever today, may very well be forgotten tomorrow.”

The clouds moved, forming a pretty shape of nothing and everything at the same time. Letting the light pass through, a sense of dread passed through Bam.

“Do not take promises as a rule, my god.”

He watched Hwaryun leave silently.

That night Bam found it hard to find rest.

Hwaryuns words were too mumbled, too vague, to fucking cryptic to make any sense of them.

There really was nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to be worried about.

Khun had made no previous indication of being sick or mad at him at all, and in the end, Bam was left wondering what the hell that was all about in the first place.

He turned to face his lightbearer, sleeping soundlessly in the bed next to him. Rak snored loudly to his left side, making it even more impossible to find rest from his racing thoughts.

His hair seemed a bit out of place, a stray lock making it out of his low ponytail.

It somehow made him seem more human.

If only he would allow us to see a glimpse of that side inside of him as well, Bam somberly thought to himself, suddenly recalling that very same evening's events.

Two floors ago, after Hwayrun cornered Bam, the team had dinner.

Why are you asking me that? Khun had asked with a little frown on his face. At the time, Bam was watching him pick at his food, barely eating any of the dishes he had prepared for the team.

Just wondering what you were up to , Bam had mumbled in response, mouth full of the stew he knew Isu and Rak especially favored. The wave controller kept his gaze focused on the lightbearer across him.

It was a lively evening, their entire team gathering to enjoy a meal together. Hwaryun had long left, leaving no trace of ever being there in the first place.

Khun made a little sound of acknowledgement to his question, yet ultimately just turned back to his food.

No answer whatsoever.

That was not a typical reaction of Khun which raised the inner red flags in Bam.

What was going on?

He tried to catch his attention with his eyes, if the verbal approach didn't work, but again - nothing. Khun just silently (and stubbornly) picked at his food, occasionally taking a small (actually tiny) bite.

An awkward silence settled over the dinner table.

Recently, their team had become even smaller than before.

While most of the original members remained by Bams side, others had been caught up in the complications of the climb.

Anaak, for one, had been stuck on the 63rd floor for quite some time now. Followed by Lauroe and Ehwa, that both decided to undergo some further training on their own. Even Wangnan had decided to move up on his own, after dramatically encountering Bam and his team on their run from the wreckage that was the Po Bideau and Lo Po Bia war ten floors ago.

Now it was left to a small group of people that were ready to give up their life for Bam at any moment. Now that Hatz and Shibisu had finally caught up to Endorsi, Bam, Khun and Rak, they were climbing as a small group of six.

Bam glanced at his lightbearer once again.

Khun picked some more at his food, finally left it unfinished, grabbed his plate and moved to leave the table early.

Where you goin, Earrings? Hatz had called out after him.

My work doesn't exactly finish by itself, Khun snakily threw back over his shoulder. Hatz had irked his eyebrows, hand gripping his spoon twitching in annoyance.

Just before he had left their dining room, Khun suddenly flashed an evil smirk at the scout. Well, not that you would know anything about it.

Bam had spent the remaining evening making sure their place didn't burn down again, and tried to deescalate the situation to the best of his abilities.

Which was clearly not the best, as he was left to clean the aftermath of yet another fight between the two.

Later that evening, Bam found himself at a loss.

Did he really fail to properly connect to his friends?

He thought he was doing a good job, managing his Friend - duties with his FUG - duties and Fending-Off-Jahads-Army-And-Staying-Alive-duties.

But Hwayruns comments made him reconsider - did he really know what was going on behind?

Deep in thought, he almost missed the door to his room opening: a tired Khun slipping into the room. Rak was already fast asleep to his left, having exhausted himself early in the evening.

Bam tried going after Khun, moving to follow his steps to the bathroom.

He found his lightbearer busy doing his extensive skin care, applying each product carefully and smoothly onto his already flawless skin.

This was probably how he kept it looking flawless and soft, Bam thought to himself.

While he himself did not exactly have a skin care routine, he did make sure to be clean and have a maintainable appearance. Watching Khun however, Bam did silently wonder how a person could put so much care and detail into an act as simple as applying a cream to one's skin.

“Are you done staring or are you actually going to come in?”

Khuns voice startled the wave controller, abruptly yanking him out of his thoughts. Bam struggled to retain his composure, spluttering something unintelligible in response.

Khun gave him a blank stare, simply gesturing to just move along already. Red-faced, Bam silently made his way to the sink, right next beside Khun applying some fluid and patting the wet skin lightly.

His gaze followed Khuns fingers tapping the product with a slight pressure. Probably to make the product work into the skin properly, Bam concluded. He watched his lightbearer work his skin to perfection and suddenly, Bam felt very, very small in comparison.

Of course Khun put so much attention and detail to the littlest part of himself while Bam couldn't even figure out what to wear most days without his master sending him his entire wardrobe. Which he kept destroying anyways.

While Bam felt so out of control, Khun seemed to be in tune with his environment at all times.

How he did it while maintaining a sanity and productive schedule and commitment to his team, he didn't know.

Bam realized at that moment that maybe he didn't know that much about Khun as he always assumed he did.

Watching the blue haired boy put so much diligent focus and care to a part of himself that Bam thought just naturally came to him, made him wonder.

What else did he not realize? What else remained hidden beneath his mask?

Suddenly, Khuns gaze met his and he lowered the treatment about to be applied on his under eyes.

“Bam. I can hear you thinking from over here,” he sighed and reached for a cotton pad on his shelf. “My skincare routine can't be that interesting now, can it?” Khun smiled at him, a little mischievous smirk dancing at the corner of his lips.

Bam returned his little sign of affection with a small laugh of his own, as he spit out the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth. He playfully pretended to scan Khuns face up and down, just to simply huff out a sarcastic sound.

“I mean it's definitely fascinating how you put on a million products on your face while I quite literally use the power of water to nourish my humble skin.”

Khun didn't even pretend to grace him with an answer of his own - with a smile on his lips he simply shook his head and patted down his face. He looked up to Bam, “What was that about at dinner?,” his voice fond and soft.

Bam swallowed, not exactly sure what to tell his lightbearer.

Sorry, I got anxious because of my cryptic guide?

Sorry, I got worried we don't actually know each other that much after all?

Sorry, I forgot you don't have perfect skin but instead maintain a crazy skin care routine?

No matter how he tried to spin his feelings and thoughts, there seemed to be no clear answer to his newfound anxiety.

Of course he trusted Khun with his everything, but seeing the exhausted looking boy taking such diligent care of his body threw Bam off balance.

He decided to go with the safe route. Bam murmured: “You know, I was just worried.” His fingers fumbled with the edge of the sink, “you just have been a bit distant lately. I wondered if everything was alright with yo-”

Bam caught himself at the last second - he didn't want a repeat of the dinner table, now that he realized just how uncomfortable Khun was with opening up about his feelings.

“- I mean, the preparations for the next floor?”

Putting every product back to its designated place, Khun answered curtly: “Everything is going well, don't you worry about that.”

Swiftly, he moved to leave the bathroom - but found his exit blocked by Bam's pleading eyes.

What are you not telling me?

Their gazes met, an unspoken conversation in a beat.

Nothing.

“Bam, everything is alright.” Khun accentuated his statement with a well placed hand on the irregulars shoulder, putting light pressure, meant to reassure him. “There is absolutely nothing to worry about. You focus on fine tuning your shinsu aim while you leave the planning to me, okay?”

Khun's smile didn't falter for a second, but it never seemed to reach his eyes.

For the first time in all the time he knew Khun, Bam somehow couldn't bring himself to trust in his words.

Bam always thought he was exempt from the high walls Khun put around himself.

Apparently he had guessed wrong.

For the first time in all the time he knew Khun, Bam couldn't find a single grasp on the lightbearers true emotions.

He was left wondering if he ever knew them in the first place.

*

They arrived at the testing ground barely before the time frame for teams to take the test was declared closed.

Bam didn't know whether to cry or laugh.

Per plan, Khun, Shibisu and Endorsi opted to check out the testing grounds first, making their way to the area as soon as they had finished breakfast. Instead of joining them, Bam decided to exercise before coming along to the testing site.

That morning, Khun decided to conduct the test briefing during their morning assembly. Every step and outcome of the previous tests was explained, input from other teams and the results of excellent bribery paying off in the detailed instructions Khun was giving them.

“The previous test was not based on skill set or shinsu aversion. It was simply an assessment of the emotional attachment between humans and the psychological repercussions of reversal of such.”

Somehow the test was known to be not exactly hard in its complexity, but more fatal in the consequences that would arise afterwards.

Khun recounted several examples of teammates becoming enemies, mothers and daughters becoming estranged - entire families torn apart.

Lovers killing their significant other.

Friends betraying one another.

Bam was brought back to his guide and her round-about-way of warning him. But of what exactly? He wasn't sure what to be worried about.

The test was complicated in its functionality, but in theory it was supposed to switch the hormonal makeup of your emotional setup and reverse it according to the test rules every individual time around.

Once, it moved the hormone oxytocin from being with their loved one to instead gaining pleasure from distancing themselves, Khun explained to them.

“It's a powerful tool to disrupt already established team dynamics and meant to target strong teams in particular,” he recited from his notes. “In order to pass you must bring the emotional reversal back to where it originally was, basically.”

“Sounds easy enough!” Shibisu exclaimed, gaining a slap from Hatz on his head as a response.

While training that morning, Bam thought about what the purpose of such a test would be. Splitting up a team? Gaining the upper hand in creating rifts between people?

Surely, there must be easier ways than that.

Apparently the irregular had been so engrossed in his work out, he missed the 23 missed calls from Endorsi and “Where are you?” messages from Shibisu.

It was soon declared that all members must be present at once, or else they'd fail the test, and Bam quite literally had to run to make it to his destination.

Rak came to collect him, shouting that the “black turtle should just destroy the dumb rules instead.”

Sprinting to the testing area, Bam felt conflicted about the events that had occurred over the last days.

Somehow he had grown anxious about the test to come, even though there wasn't a lot to worry about generally. Normally he would feel reassured by the competence of his team and the many feats they had achieved together, even escaping from not one, but two family heads.

But now? Things were not that easy anymore, Bam thought to himself. His steps increased in speed as he tuned out Raks' many complaints about the floor's time management.

They would take the test, resolve whatever tension existed and move on from this rough patch, Bam vowed to himself.

Coming into view, his teammates were chatting amongst themselves. Shibisus brow was furrowed in a constant pinch and Khun was seen fumbling on a lighthouse screen. Endorsi kept talking in a quiet murmur and pointing animatedly at the screen in front of the scout.

When Bam climbed the stairs, Endorsi immediately spotted him.

“Bam!” She met him halfway, her expression lighting and flashing the wave controller a small smile, before chastising him for barely missing the test.

“Where'd you been?,” Endorsi huffed, crossing her arms in a defensive pose. “We almost got disqualified because we were missing a member of our team.” She pointed at him with a glare.

“Sorry Endorsi, I kinda forgot the time here,” Bam apologetically smiled. His fingers automatically came up to readjust his ponytail. Putting his hair out of the hair tie felt freeing and he shook out his brown locks in a swift manner.

Letting his eyes check over the others, he caught Khun absentmindedly staring at him, gaze moving to follow his every movement.

Bam flashed a small smile in his direction.

Khun turned away.

Disappointment washed over the irregular. Just what was it about Khuns behavior? Bam couldn't make out the problem or any solution for that matter.

The test administrator flashed a glance at the emerging crowd and swiftly turned away. Grabbing a microphone, they ascended the stairs to the platform and firmly made the first announcement.

“Regulars, welcome to the 67th floor! As you have been made aware of, every member of the team shall be present in order to be eligible for the testing procedure to take place properly.”

Their ink-black hair swept the ground as they continued to make their way towards the big, illuminating screen above the regulars. Bam still found the floating screens fascinating - they almost resembled a lighthouse.

“As the law of the floor cites, this is the test of reversal. A member of your team shall be inflicted with the curse of reversal - may it be physical, mental, to your age or appearance, wisdom, shinsu affinity-” Bam gulped. “-or your memories for that matter. In order to pass this floor, the team must reverse the state of the chosen member to its origin out of their own means.”

The test administrator mustered the regulars, one by one, eye by eye and inch by inch.

“No killing shall be committed. Any means of violence shall not be tolerated. You cannot interfere in another team's test now can yours be influenced by external forces. If there is a discovery of such an occurrence, the respective team shall be disqualified immediately.”

Their fingers tapped a button on the screen.

A white, hot flash suddenly appeared before everyone's eyes. Strong winds gushed out and brought disarray to the regulars. Only one person remained unphased, with the test administrator calmly gazing upon the scene. Once the winds cleared, they concluded with an air of indifference, “And with that the 67th floor test has begun.”

Turning to leave, a last message was sent to the regulars. “I wish all of you luck and may you succeed in your endeavors.”

Bam and his team stood flabbergasted.

That…was it? A test of reversal?

What was that even supposed to mean?

Shibisu immediately went to check on each member, taking their temperature first and then checking any other signs of change. So far, everyone has been cleared and declared no significant changes inwards, since there have been no changes to their appearances.

Other teams were seemingly struggling to find the reversal as well, if there anxious chatter and body check-ups were an indicator.

“Khun, my love, are you okay?”

At Khuns turn, Shibisu threw his arms around his shoulders and shook the lightbearer with a heavy force. “You seemed kinda pale there, you sure you are alright?”

Earning a shove to his ribs, Isu was promptly pushed to the side while Khun brushed his dress shirt off. “Why wouldn't I be?,” he scoffed, giving the scout on the ground a piercing glare without any heat - so he was really fine, Bam deduced.

Relief immediately formed in his heart.

They were all okay, so it seemed.

Bam exhaled, observing the ensuing bickering among his team members.

It should be fine now.

But somehow he couldn't forget Hwaryuns words, heeding him, warning him of something. Yet, Bam couldn't put a finger on what it was exactly he should look out for.

Bam moved to join the rest of them, and sought out Khun who was the last one to confirm his unaffectedness. Khun didn't seem to notice him immediately, so Bam deliberately placed himself in his direct sight.

“I am glad we are all okay.” He flashed a genuine smile to his lightbearer and tried to convey his relief through his eyes. They, again, never seemed to reach Khun in the first place, an unreadable expression adorning his face.

“But if we all aren't affected, then why can't we move up right away?” Bam threw the question to the round, hoping for his strategist to maybe lift the anxieties a bit. He particularly craved Khuns reassuring smile, his confidence and the safety he so often provided, but to Bam especially.

However, instead Khuns expression turned dark, a snarky snort leaving his mouth.

For the first time since arriving on this floor Khuns piercing sharp eyes found his and somwhow he felt like he had been stabbed - yet not even that could have prepared Bam for the words that would leave Khuns mouth next.

“Maybe because you are a fucking dumbass?”

Endorsis eyes widened, her mouth opening in a silent gasp.

Hatz turned so sharply, he almost tripped over his own body.

Raks body stilled completely, as if frozen into place.

The pocket in Shibisus hand somehow cluttered to the ground, the sound of the impact filling the dead silence.

Saying everyone was stunned into silence was an understatement. Bam thought he misheard, maybe he didn't catch what Khun had said properly, he definitely must have misheard.

“What?” Bam whispered faintly.

There is simply no way Khun would ever speak like that.

Much less to him.

There was simply no way.

Khun huffed under his breath, his blue hair flipping over his shoulder. “Do I seriously have to repeat myself?,” he hissed under his breath, glaring at the irregular with the utmost disgust. Even the prospect of repeating himself seemed like an absolute disgrace to Khuns dignity.

Bam found himself at a loss of words.

What exactly was happening? Khun…snapping at him?

It was simply unbelievable; the Khun Aguero Agnis snapping at Bam, his Bam, best friend and closest teammate. They were inseparable, an item, always and forever together - even Poe Bideau Gustang acknowledged their relationship and even used their closeness to his strategic advantage.

However, it wasn't as if they didn't fight at all - Bam and Khun surely had fought their fair share of fights. If it wasn't about ideological standpoints, it was about their mundane daily routines. Khun was always minding the overall picture, while Bam was hung up over the details. In the end, they have always found their way to one another. Never in all the years they have lived and fought and loved by their sides have they disrespected one another.

Bam moved to touch Khuns shoulder as he always did. As Khun always did to him. It made Bam feel appreciated, comforted, seen by the other.

However, his fingers never made it past reaching out to his lightbearer, before a loud slap was heard across the platform.

Piercing blue met anguished gold.

“Put your hands on me one more time and it will be the last time you've had hands.”

Turning with a sense of finality, Khun descended the stairs back to the waiting area, not in the least aware of the storm he just left behind.

Bam felt like his entire world was collapsing.

Suddenly, Hwaryuns words came to his mind again - at once, they seemed burned into his mind.

“Things are never as simple as you think them to be. What might seem forever today, may very well be forgotten tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

It wasn't the first time someone had told Bam that he was treading a very fine line of codependency with his lightbearer.

Simply said, he didn't care.

As long as it felt right for them, what did it matter if some outsider had opinions on their relationship? Nobody could grasp the depth of their history anyways.

Let them talk, Bam would grimly think to himself.

Now, the irregular looked out of the window of their tinted car, gazing at the moving lights.

They had left the testing grounds a while ago, ordering a taxi for the team to bring them home. Meanwhile, the sun has gone down, engulfing the city in darkness and lighting up the shops and windows. Despite the people laughing, strolling and enjoying themselves in the streets, the city seemed eerily quiet. Little stands selling street food reached as wide as the eye could see - vendors laughing as they sold their goods to bypassers. It was a lively scene, yet still somehow hollow to Bam.

His eyes followed a trail of a water drop gliding across the window.

When they had first met, everyone told him to steer clear of Khun.

“Pretty as they are, they are just as quick to stab you in the back,” the shadows would whisper among themselves.

At that time, Bam didn't know what to make of it.

Khun…was just Khun.

All that talk about betrayal, backstabbing and being careful - he never once understood the warnings about the true nature of the lightbearer.

Until he did.

The day he was pushed off not once, but twice, was when he understood just how badly they all had misjudged his lightbearer.

Khun Aguero Anis was the epitome of loyalty and it was Bam's privilege to enjoy the luxury of being on the receiving end of such kindness - not heeding Hansung Yus advice turned out to be the greatest decision he ever made.

So, why would it be any different this time around?

Well.

The reason why he should have cared from the start presented himself just now, in the form of Khun Aguero Agnis sitting next to him, legs crossed and an expression of absolute disgust at the bare thought of being seated next to Bam - let alone actually having to sit next to the irregular.

Khun hissed under his breath: “What have I done to have to sit next to that?”

“Why would you call Bam like that? He's a person,” Shibisu sighed in exasperation.

Khun's eyebrows curled upwards.

“Oh, that's a person? Never was aware that calling a monster human was the new thing now.”

“Khun!” Shibisu's expression resembled that of a child being caught stealing cookies, first looking absolutely scandalised at the outrageous comments Khun had been making and then nervously glancing at Bam, awaiting a reaction.

Endorsi seemed to be on her last straw, as the imminent tapping of her heel intensified greatly. Generally, the situation should be in her favour - however the sombre expression on Bam's face put her in a rather tense mood. In the end she preferred Bam to be happy and content, not miserable and sulking because of their stupid lightbearer.

Hatz gave up trying to salvage the situation a long time ago, to be precise, the moment Khun slapped Bam's hand away. He quickly realised that this was indeed just the start of what may be their greatest challenge yet.

Rak just peacefully napped, after exhausting himself trying to strangle their lightbearer for “hurting the black turtle.”

On his end, Bam decided to simply stay quiet in order not to trigger any more outbursts.

He wasn't sure if he would be able to handle it otherwise.

Meanwhile, Khun was painfully blind to the internal battles of his teammates, instead choosing to even further fan the already raging flames.

The ride home to their lodgings was proving to be harder than initially expected, Bam quickly realised.

“What?” he sneered, looking at Shibisu. “Tell me I am wrong. He is the sole reason we are fighting a war.” In fact, Khun didn't seem to be calming down at all. “An entire war, and for what? So many lives lost and for what? What are we doing this for!?”

Bam has never seen the fire in his eyes shine so brightly, flames lit by hot rage. It was so unlike him, so different from the calm and collected leader they've all known him to be.

Khun used to be their lighthouse, guiding the team to safety and success amidst storms and crashy floors.

Him being the storm that was trying to bring Bam down? Bams' heart ached.

Khun acting so out of character was discerning for him to see, images of their past merging with this new, unfamiliar stranger that seemed to prefer even Khun Eduan over him.

Until this day, Khun has never said anything like this before - in fact he was always the first to affirm Bams existence, made him feel okay, validated, appreciated - like he actually belonged somewhere in this cursed Tower.

The times Bam would doubt himself, Khun would be there. Khun would be his stability, his confirmation that yes, you have a right to exist.

Bam risked a glance at his lightbearer.

He was heaving from anger and his face flushed from the rage within him, hands shaking from the outburst and even his hair looked out of place, a strand falling into his eye. Reflexively, Bam's hand reached up to fix it for the boy.

That was the first mistake Bam made.

At the slightest sign of Bam even trying to interact with the bluenette, the final dam broke. Suddenly, Khun firmly pushed Bam to the car door making the entire entourage shake and even their driver stop their ride. “Are you trying to die?” Khun hissed under his breath, his sharp eyes narrowing down Bams.

Bam only blinked back in confusion. Apparently, he hadn't even realised what he was about to do.

Khun however, with his sharp senses, immediately deduced the intention. In disgust, he spat out: “I think you have finally lost your will to live. If you so badly want to die, then at least do it somewhere far away so I don't have to be involved with the likes of you.”

“Excuse me-” Their driver tried to intervene.

“Is it really that bad, getting help from me!?” Bam threw back.

“Help? What help?” Khun let out a sarcastic laugh, practically dripping with cynicism.

“Gentlemen, I cannot possibly-” “It'd be a far better help if you just disappeared forever. I cant fucking stand the sight of you!”

Bams' heart ached.

His heart ached so bad.

But even more, his anger started rising at the insults and frankly, Bam couldn't take it anymore.

“What have I ever done to you!?” he shouted at his lightbearer in despair, harshly grabbing Khuns shoulder to face him. In immediate response, Khun sharply turned his body and pushed Bam, making the irregular hit his head heavily against the car window.

Abruptly turning, their driver tried to salvage the fight to the best of his abilities.

“Hey! Stop the fight-” “SHUT UP!” Khun suddenly screamed at the driver. Fuming, he turned back to Bam, looking at him with pure hatred. “What have you done?” His voice turned into a sharp whisper. “You still have the audacity to even ask?”

“Khun-!” “Stop it guys, let's just-” “Blue turtle, you are-”

Grabbing Bams tie, Khun pulled his face forward and leaned over him, until there were but mere inches between them. Under his breath, he hissed: “Listen to me, once and for all.”

Bam gulped. He tried to calm his racing heart, failing miserably at it.

“You are the one responsible for this mess. You are the reason people are dying.”

The car was engulfed in tense silence.

Only Khuns' voice cut through sharply - it felt as if a knife was stabbed in Bam's chest.

“You are the reason why there is a whole damn war in the first place.”

The knife cut deeper.

“You are the reason why Jahad is even chasing us.”

Khun inched even closer to Bam, leaning to whisper in his ear.

“We all would have been better off without you.”

In an instant, Bam's heart shattered completely.

Suddenly, the car door clicked open and the two of them tumbled out of the car onto the street. Bam fell out first, landing square on his butt, while Khun tumbled out on top of the irregular.

“Oof-” he grunted. Looking up, Bam saw the driver cursing them out, turning the motor back on and preparing to drive away. The rest of their team silently (and awkwardly) watched the duo being left on the street and themselves continuing their ride.

Almost lethargically, Khun got up from where he was thrown at Bam and dusted off his pants.

He didn't even bother to spare Bam from the dirt, instead shamelessly using him as his own personal rug.

Bam always knew that Khun had the audacity - he was aware of the treatment their enemies received from his lightbearer, but being on the other side of the spectrum really opened his eyes to this complete unknown side of Khun. Bam could understand where the deep-rooted hatred from some individuals towards the Khuns could stem from, based on this interaction alone.

If he imagined being treated like that, everyday?

He'd rather die, probably.

“Khun-” Sitting up, Bam tried reaching out to the boy, but promptly got his hand slapped away again. Suddenly, Khuns feet rested right at where Bams heart was located, the lightbearer looking down at the irregular.

“Don't. fucking. touch. me.” Every word was accuented by another shove with Khuns feet. Finally feeling satisfied with himself, Khun stalked away, huffing snarkily and leaving a confused (and slightly stunned) Bam behind.

*

Late than evening, as fate would have it, Bam and Khun chose the same place to grieve their circumstances.

Which is the balcony. Of their shared room. In the house they both lived in.

When Bam tried to seek refuge in the now way too silent room, he found Khun already typing away at a dimly lit screen. Noticing his presence, Bam debated whether to leave the boy on his own, but ultimately decided to take a leap of faith and at least try to engage while Khun didn't notice him just yet.

“Khun, I-” Bam shakily started to address his former (?) best friend. However, before he could even begin, Bam was interrupted. "Don't bother.” Khun finished whatever he was writing and closed the screen in front of him. Their only light source vanished with that as well, leaving the two of them in the moonlight night.

A moment passed between them, cold air blowing past Bams ears - it almost felt like little ice pricks, he noted.

Ice.

Khuns preferred element.

Bam gulped.

Why did everything have to remind him of the old Khun, the Khun that would laugh with and share heartfelt moments with him?

Bam turned his gaze down. Just when did things go that south?

Bam closed his eyes, face struck in a miserable expression.

Khun remained unfazed. “Stop looking like that,” he spat out. “It makes you look even more pathetic.”

Bam sadly chuckled.

Arguing wouldn't make any difference - Khun has always been the better one at debating. At Bams' tense silence, the lightbearer decided he finally had enough.

“Whatever. I can't wait until this damn test is finally over and-”

Wait.

Bam gasped.

His eyes widened with shock, breath visibly staggering for a moment.

Khun continued his rant about the stupid test, and how the administrator had the audacity to pair him with Bam again, and make them team up and-

Hold on.

Shaken by his own realization, Bam put his hand against his forehead.

Khun was right.

This was still a floor test.

They were being tested.

Bam, in particular, was being tested.

Oh my god, how did I forget about this? Bam chastised himself, letting out a little sad chuckle.

Of course Khun didn't hate him, it was all a part of the floor test!

Laughing quietly to himself, Bam wondered how he could have ever believed that Khun would be able to say and behave like that towards him out of his own accord. Somehow he got caught up in the wave of insults and hatred from his lightbearer and completely forget that this was a floor test, and of course Khun was under the influence of some sort of spell.

Shamefully, he shook his head and suddenly, Bam found the entire situation completely hilarious.

Of course he would be so slow on the uptake without his lightbearer spelling out the obvious to him.

On the other hand, Khun remained completely unimpressed at the weird facial expresissions and noises the irregular was making.

Without a comment, he left Bam to his own revelation, that this was indeed a floor test.

The next morning, Bam was in great spirits.

After all, he would definitely make sure to find a way to make Khun remember his old feelings. Determined, Bam made his way to the rest of the team who were already loudly having their morning breakfast debate. Grinning, Bam grabbed a quick coffee and joined the lively group. While he added the milk, Bam stirred the coffee while going over the test conditions.

A test of reversal, huh? Bam sipped on his coffee and let his gaze wander to his teammates.

The administrator did say something about some hormones, Bam pondered.

Once, it moved the hormone oxytocin from being with their loved one to instead gaining pleasure from distancing themselves.

He paused. Or was it Khun that told them? Bam wasn't so sure anymore.

Watching their lightbearer, the irregular wasn't able to make out a particular difference in behaviour towards the rest of their team. They bickered, laughed, joked and spoke in completely familiar ways. Like they always had and always will have - except Bam wasn't included and Khun didn't even spare him a single glance all morning.

At that thought, Bams' good mood immediately took a slight dip.

In contrast, Khun seemed to be in better spirits than yesterday, probably due to the fact that he didn't have to engage with Bam at all.

To Bam, it was quite unnerving, seeing his closest friend being so carefree around others and completely despising even the slightest contact with him.

But Bam wouldn't be Bam if he gave up that easily - he was determined to change things and make his lightbearer remember sooner rather than later.

He decided to try something. Scooting closer to the lightbearer, Bam loudly asked: “Khun, have you seen the latest tech report from the workshop?”

The chatter suddenly stopped, all eyes immediately trained on Bam. Bam however only kept his gaze locked on Khun who slowly turned to face the grinning brunette.

A second passed.

Another second passed.

Bam blinked, purposefully maintaining his carefree smile.

Khun kept looking at him, expression blank, face betraying no emotion.

A third second passed and Khun didn't seem to grace Bam with an answer.

“Uhm Khun?” Shibisu warily asked, “I think Bam asked you something?” Huffing, Khun sharply turned his body away at once. Flicking his soft-looking (Just how did he maintain that? Bam always wondered.) hair over his shoulder, he picked up his cup of coffee and quickly downed it. The team, including Bam, all watched his weird antics in fascination. Finally, he put down his cup with a loud bang.

Suddenly, Khuns face broke out in a subtle smirk. “I know, I just choose not to engage with brainless idiots that think they have to teach something to me.” Bam's smile faltered.

Ah.

So that's what this was about, Bam thought to himself.

Normally, Khun would probably tell Bam something along the lines of “Yes Bam, I've already seen it - but thanks for mentioning it to me!”, flashing a small smile and then catching him up on the most important facts.

If this was Endorsi, Khun most likely would have questioned her intention because it was a known fact that Khun always read every update from the workshop news report. Now, Khun was probably feeling that Bam was indirectly telling him to catch up on the latest report and thus questioning his abilities as their lightbearer.

Which was of course a total reach, but how was he meant to explain that to a Khun that was dead set on Bam being his mortal enemy?

Deciding on the safe route, Bam opted for light humour, suddenly laughing out loud and clapping on Khuns back.

“You are so funny!” Bam giggled, pretending to wipe his tears. Sensing an incoming outburst, Hatz tried to intervene. “Bam, you should probably just stop,” he added with a glance at the stormy expression on Khuns face.

Oops.

Quickly retracting his hand, Bam nervously let out another laugh. Acting has never been his strength, he remembered.

Khun looked at him with gritted teeth, his jaw clenching in anger. “Haven't I told you already what happens if you put your hands on me again?” he hissed.

“But Khun-” Bam tried to speak, but Khun beat him to it. Snapping, Khun accusingly pointed his finger at the irregular forehead. “You just cant respect boundaries-” Khun hurled his insults at Bam, meaning to hit him exactly where it hurt the most. “-I mean, what can you possibly expect from someone who grew up in a cave?” the lightbearer condescendingly smiled.

A dark shadow passed over Bam's face, the strained smile leaving his face completely. However, Khun didn't leave it at just that, no - he crossed his arms in defiance and mustered Bam from head to toe, a bitter smile dancing at the corner of his lips.

The blue haired boy flicked his hair back, snapping his sharp gaze to the wall. “Considering who raised him - the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?”

A beat passed and then-

Crack.

Harshly grabbing the cup Khun just drank out from, Bam suddenly hurled it against the wall. With incredible speed, the cup flew past Khuns face, missing it by just an inch, and finally shattered in a loud crash.

Another beat passed.

Shaking, Bam breathed out: “Don't you dare compare me to her.”

Standing up to Khun, his fists shook in anger, eyes glowing golden. At first, it seemed like Bam wanted to grab the other, but then restrained himself in the final moments. Instead, he moved back, grabbing his own hands instead. That was always what ticked him off, what made him spiral, what derailed him from his path.

It was came back to her.

“We are nothing alike.” Bam thinly whispered.

To the others, who were watching the interaction in tense silence, it almost seemed like Bam was trying to affirm himself; like he needed to be his own anchor now.

Khun simply observed his emotional outburst, not even fazed by the aggression displayed. Putting his hands into his pockets, he moved to leave the dining room - but not without leaving the last word. Eyes trained on the irregular, he murmured: “You don't even believe that yourself.”

With that, Khun left and Bams' resolve cracked a bit further. Quickly meaning to de-escalate the situation, Shibisu put his hand on Bams shoulder, tryig to emulate the kindness he would normally receive from Khun.

“Please, don't take anything he says to heart - it's just the test making him lose his mind!” Nervously, he smiled at the rest of the team. “Right, guys?”

Nodding along, Rak hopped on the table to properly face Bam. “Exactly!” Loudly stomping, he tried to reassure Bam of Khuns true feelings. “The blue turtle would never ever think that honestly! He is way too dumb for that!”

That made Bam snort, the dark fog lifting a bit. Leave it to Rak to make his laugh in even the worst moments.

However, he wasn't entirely convinced. Eyes tracing the shattered bits of the cup, he sighed.

Khun never looked back even once.

*

That night, Bam found it hard to sleep again.

Over the course of the day, it wasn't like Khun sought him out or gave him a verbal lash again - the silence and indifference to Bam's presence is what set the irregular off. They just existed in a parallel line to each other, never once meeting.

It was almost as if Khun actually meant what he said.

No matter how, Bam needed a distraction and something to take the lingering edge off. Rak was already fast asleep and his loud snoring proved to be more of a challenge rather than a calming tune to fall asleep to. In the end he decided to seek out the balcony again, in hopes of (not) finding his lightbearer.

And surely, there he was. Calmly sitting just there, as if Khun didn't literally bring down an entire storm in every interaction with Bam. Now knowing the consequences of certain actions, Bam decided to approach the situation from a different angle.

“A penny for your thoughts?” He somberly threw the question into the wind, not expecting an answer. Khun probably already sensed him approaching, but surprisingly did not take any steps to leave or even curse Bam out. Instead, he simply continued gazing at the starry night sky.

Lying next to him, Bam confirmed a suspicious and familiar sheet lying right next to Khuns thigh - the workshop tech report!

Bam paused. Khun was actually reading the workshop news report he had mentioned to him.

Suddenly, the lightbearer's clear voice interrupted Bam's thoughts. “There are three things I hate in this entire tower.” Somberly, he turned his body towards Bam as if to acknowledge the irregular.

“You, my father and Rachel.”

Ouch.

Well, that comparison definitely stung like hell.

But Bam had a more important mission than to be hung up over that; determined, he made up his mind and recalled the action plan.

Earlier, Rak and Bam were working out (or rather Rak keeping Bam company during his set) and during their time together, Rak came to the wonderful conclusion that Bam should try acting like a kicked puppy to evoke some sort of empathy in Khun.

"Khun likes dogs?" Bam asked curiously. He was never aware of that fact, always assuming Khun was more of a cat person. But maybe that was because he tended to act more like a cat himself.

"Of course the blue turtle likes dogs!" Rak proudly exclaimed. "Who doesn't like a tiny little pet turtle?"

Deciding to give it a try, Bam was betting on Khuns emotional side (if it even existed in his current state) to try and win his heart over.

Bam thought of the cutest puppy he had ever encountered - which was when his master tried cheering him up during a particularly challenging mission as Jyu Viole Grace - and tried mimicking its undeniably adorable facial features. Eyes twinkling and lips quivering, Bam whispered: “But I just want to spend some time with you, Khun-ssi.”

Khun blinked back.

No reaction whatsoever.

Seemed like Bam needed to try harder.

“Is that really so bad?” the irregular pleaded, making sure his voice slightly cracked at the end - because he was that emotional, you see.

Deep down, Bam felt quite embarrassed having to go this far to try to convince his friend (?) of his sincerity. But there was no choice - it was either this or nothing and Bam would rather try now than regret later on.

Khuns eye twitched in annoyance.

The longer this dragged on, the more Bam's resolve began cracking. Convincing Khun in his normal state was already hard enough, but like this? Facing a ranker head-on would be easier than this.

A little sigh escaped Khuns mouth, pushing his bangs back in - defeat? It was almost as if Khun finally had some pity with the pathetic display of Bam.

Resting his face in his hands, the lightbearer blinked up at the irregular in exasperation. Sighing, Khun lightly exclaimed: "Don't get me wrong, I do hate you, but if you so desperately need to be around me-”

Unbelieving, Bam's head snapped up.

It worked.

He couldn't believe his luck.

The puppy trick actually worked on Khun!

Maybe this floor would be easier than anticipated, Bam proudly noted to himself. Maybe Jinsung drilled all these lessons for nothing in him, since Bam was able to manage just fine after all.

Suddenly, an evil smirk emerged on the lightbearers face. “-Then you can just be my dog instead.”

Nevermind.

Eyes closed, Khun pointed his head towards the balcony entrance. “The door is right there, open for you to leave and hopefully never come back again-”

“-Ill do it.” Khun paused, sharply turning to Bam. Narrowing his eyes in suspicion, he whispered: “Did you hear what I just said?”

What a redundant question - of course he had heard. Bam always listenend to Khun; he also knew this was all a little scheme to get him to back off and leave the other alone, once and for all, since the previous strategy of straight up verbally assaulting him didn't work.

Little did Khun know that Bam was not going to give up - in fact, he was just getting started!

“You know what?” he murmured. Turning to Khun, he plastered an award-winning smile. “Ill be the best damn dog this tower has ever seen!”

Bam eyes met Khuns, an unspoken conversation passing in a beat.

If that's what it takes for you to spend some time with me, then so be it.

Khun's lips lit up in a little smirk.

I'd love to see you try.

Chapter Text

Bam has come to an important realisation, maybe even the most important in his life yet, including the true nature of his destiny and the little he had found out about the past of the Ten Great Family heads.

Well, simply said; Khun Aguero Agnis was the biggest, most spoiled brat in the entirety of the tower's history.

How did he come to that conclusion?

It was 11:03 AM and the car ride was taking longer than expected.

Bam and Khun have been in the car for close to an hour now - an hour spent squirming in tense silence.

It was rainy, it was draining, it was sheer exhaustion having a pissed off Khun glaring holes into the lighthouse screen before him. Stuck in traffic, Bam was trying to decipher an alternative route to the meeting they were about to miss if he didn't find a solution now. In the back of the car, Khun was working on something on his lighthouse screen, the subtle light illuminating his face.

Keeping an eye on him from the driver's seat, Bam mustered his lightbearer. It didn't seem as if Khun would carve his eyes out if he occasionally stole a glance.

The wave controller let his gaze wander over the silhouette in the back. The soft blue hue made Khuns face look quite soft: a cold, yet rosy shimmer on his cheeks. Plump lips, elegant lashes and a small nose adorned his features. Bam never noticed just how long Khuns fingers were - thin and pale, quite fitting to the dignified look of the lightbearer.

It all just accentuated the overall refined look of his best friend, so different from who he was and what he was perceived as.

Looking up from his screen, Khun caught Bam's gaze, raising a single eyebrow.

Quickly, Bam turned away, like a deer caught in a headlight, and decided to focus on the traffic again.

Huh.

He gulped back the sudden nervousness arising.

Khun looked oddly pretty today.

It wasn't as if Bam wasn't aware of Khuns attractiveness (since essentially all Khuns were drop-dead gorgeous), but he never became so actively aware of it.

Today, there was just something about him. The soft, almost delicate features, paired with the cold and sharp gaze - the paradox drew others to Khun like moths to a flame.

Bam included.

But there was no time for these conflicting thoughts - they needed to be at their location right now and he'd rather avoid the storm of insults later. Putting his arm on the seat rest, the irregular cracked his neck, letting out a sly breath. “Wanna fly there instead?” Bam suggested lightly, opting to lighten the mood.

The only Bam lightened was the short fuse to Khuns patience.

Pinning him down with a glare, Khun snapped: “Wanna try shutting up instead?”

Bam shut up instantly.

No humour then, he noted.

20 minutes later, they miraculously arrived at their meeting location. How Bam did it, he didn't really remember. A lot of shouting, near-misses and U-turns were involved however.

The wave controller moved to open the car door for Khun, just like he was supposed to as a first-grade personal driver. Following the official protocol, he held the car door open and slightly bowed his head, while Khun exited the car - but then a sudden pain to his left foot made Bam look up in confusion, grunting to suppress a single sound. Straining his facial expression, he could already think of the cause.

Deliberately stepping on his shoe, in that moment Khuns subtle smile resembled the devil himself. He directly gestured for Bam to follow him, condescendingly calling him out. “Come on, puppy.”

Bam nearly choked on his saliva.

Looking back over his shoulder, Khun smirked: “What are you standing there for? If you want me, you need to earn me.” Leaving to slam the car door right in Bam's face, he strutted away confidently.

Bam was left caught between laughing and crying.

*

Despite being late to their meeting, the trade deals were negotiated successfully.

No less, Khun was able to secure them a pretty sweet deal for future trades with the materials company, a distant affiliate to FUG. He had been working on preparing for this floor since two tests ago and Bam was able to breathe a sigh of relief.

At least he wouldn't have to bear the grudge of a failed deal. Serving a Khun was hard, but serving the Khun Aguero Agnis? The 67th floor has successfully turned Bam into a manager, bodyguard, cook, personal shopping assistant and full time driver.

He glanced at the lightbearer, finishing up the last talks and pleasantries.

Whispers among them were heard.

“Why is the slayer candidate just standing in the corner?”

“He almost looks like a bodyguard to the Khun kid.”

“You know, maybe that's his kink?” The other employee suggested gleefully, letting his gaze wander over Bam's entire body.

Oh my god? Bam thought to himself, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable in his skin.

Of course he was aware of the baseless rumours that existed about him, however they were mostly along the lines of him being a war criminal and not exactly about his sexual tendencies. Bam sighed to himself in resignation. Talk about subtlety there.

Suddenly, a young girl approached him, tapping lightly on his shoulder. “Hi, are you Jyu Viole Grace?” she asked shyly, her fingers fumbling with her dress.

“Yes?” Bam answered kindly, sensing her nervousness.

“Can we maybe take a picture together?” the kid asked with a hopeful voice, eyes sparkling with admiration.

From the corner of his eye, he could make out Khun intently staring at their interaction. Just before Bam was able to respond, familiar firm steps made their way over and rudely interrupted the two of them.

“Are you done with your little fan meeting?” he hissed in annoyance - seems like Khun was not exactly happy being kept waiting.

Bam immediately hurried along, smiling apologetically to the girl.

Suddenly, Khun, once again, called out towards him: “Come on, puppy.”

Oh, for fucks sake.

An awkward silence emerged from the surrounding employees. Scandalised looks were thrown at them, emerging between not-even-trying-to-be-polite whispers. The secretary coughed and put her face behind her hand, trying to hide her blush.

The little girl tilted her head in confusion: “Puppy?”

Bam wanted to vanish into the ground.

Impatiently, Khun gestured for Bam to follow along and left first, but not before smiling provocatively at him, because of course - Khun knew; it was almost as if his eyes were screaming “And what about it?” at him.

“Oh my-?”
“Did he just call him-”

“Are they actually-?”

Bam's face was as red as a tomato, feeling the flush creeping up his neck.

“So the slayer candidate does like-”

This was almost worse than the embarrassment of the marriage tournament. The little evil smirk was not exactly speaking for Khun, as he marched ahead of the irregular. “Well Mr. Grace, no off days allowed for you,” he laughed cynically as they made their way back to the car.

“Door,” he mouthed, standing in front of the car, unmoving and yet commanding for Bam to open the door for him.

“Of course.” Bam smiled, straining his last bits of patience.

He was so not going to survive this.

*

Two days ago, team Bam had made an action plan, and this time an actual one, opposed to Bam and Rak's first plan (which failed spectacularly).

As Bam had committed to essentially being Khuns slave, he really had to figure out a quick solution to their miserable situation. While Endorsi was munching on some crisps, not really interested in contributing to their little brainstorming session, Hatz was drawing up some weird figures that were supposed to look like Khun.

Why there were several devils horns and fire surrounding him, he couldn't really tell.

So in the end, it all came back for Bam and Shibisu to figure out a way to make their lightbearer reverse his hatred back into whatever his former feeling was.

“The test participants must develop genuine empathy for their counterpart and cannot artificially induce the feeling. No spells are allowed nor are any- uh- toxins.” Shibisu stammered out.

“Okay, so we have two weeks, from which 5 days have already passed - oh my god, five entire days have already passed with absolutely no progress.” Seems as if the realisation has just struck the scout. “We are so gonna fail.” Shibusu whispered.

“Ookay, let's stop here and actually think of something to do!” Bam hurriedly interfered.

“So, all we have now is the knowledge that we have to reverse Khuns hatred towards Bam to its original feeling.” He gestured to the whiteboard, meaning to draw the connection between the two entities.

Suddenly, Endorsi piped up. “Wait - what are we exactly reversing in the first place?”

Silence ensued.

Endorsi was right, Bam noted.

What exactly were they trying to reverse?

“Well, what's the opposite of love, genius?" Hatz spat out in disgust.

Shibisu awkwardly paled at the implied thought, stumbling over his words in the process. “Hold on, hold on, does that mean that Khun is actually in love with-”

But before he was able to finish the thought, Bam interfered.

“No.” He firmly insisted. “There's no way Khun would feel like that.”

“But Bam, he clearly only resents you and the test said it would be a reversal of emotions.” Hatz argued.

“Thats not the only factor, it must be!” Bam insisted. “Theres gotta be a different reason, I know it.”

“Whats the opposite of hate?” Endorsi interrupted their conversation again. Her face had visibly darkened, as she seemed worked up over the topic of question.

“Guys-”

“What is the opposite of hate, Bam?” she insisted.

Bam was at a loss of words. Khun, in love with him? No, that was simply impossible.

“You seem to be so sure of the feelings of everyone around you. Why is the thought of your friend in love with you so shocking?” Endorsi spat out. Her voice rose with each word she hurled at the irregular, standing up and heaving once finished. “He always follows you around, was obsessed with taking “revenge” for literal years and died like a million times for you!”

“But I would have done the same thing for him!” Bam shouted back. “Thats what friends would do for each other!”

“How can you be that dense!” Getting up, Endorsi struck out her finger at him. “Khun would never do that for just anyone, I would never do that for just a friend!” Her voice shook at the end. Her fists were visibly clenched at the word friend.

It seemed to trigger something within the princess. “There are people who would give the world for you. If you asked, I would have followed you till the end of the world." Suddenly, Endorsis fire went out, as fast as it had began to rage. "That's not something you just do for a friend," she whispered somberly, ashes flickering away. Her eyes reflected a muted resignation, something buried deep down over the years of adversity. She let out a long sigh, averting her gaze from Bam's pained expression.

“Its one thing to discredit our devotion like that, but I think it hurts more to hear that you would do that for just anybody.”

When she left their little gathering, it left Bam's chest stinging with something he wouldn't dare name just yet.

*

The next day, during their little outings, Khun chose to eat lunch at a fancy uptown cafe.

Decorated with fresh flowers, the relaxed atmosphere allowed Bam to finally let go of some of the tension that's been following him around all day. The events of the past days left him high strung emotionally, and just the thought of Khun insinuating anything more publicly made the wave controllers' skin crawl.

Normally, Khun was the first one to jump at their PR management, always ensuring that the slayer candidate Jyu Viole Grace was perceived in his intended light - which wasn't always necessarily positive, just beneficial to their current agenda.

However, it was never embarrassing details about Bam's (nonexistent) sex life.

While waiting to order, Bam mustered Khun, scanning the menu. It seemed as if he wasn't particularly happy about the meal choices at this place. He always ate so little and practically only lived on coffee. How the light bearer managed to stand on his two feet while maintaining such a horrible diet, he didn't know.

His eyes fixated on a small plate of salad. Seems like his choice was made.

“Is that all you are gonna eat?” he asked, hoping that Khun might catch on the hint.

“Yes.” Khun answered curtly.

Bam grunted in annoyance. Why couldn't he just take the hint?

“Is that really enough for you?” He played around with the menu card, hoping for Khun to take the hint. He probably already did, just choosing to ignore Bam instead.

“Yes.” Khun was indeed not letting up, but Bam was not going to give up like that!

Sighing, he pouted: “But you are always working till late and-”

“Didnt he already say it's enough for him?”

A deep voice emerged behind him.

Surprise caught Bam off-guard and he barely managed to decipher where the comment came from. The sudden interference finally made Khun look up from the table. When he realised who spoke up for him, a frown adorned his face.

Light brown hair, almost glowing silver, green eyes and a sharp jawline greeted Bam when he turned around. The man was dressed in a black leather jacket, sipping on a dark beverage. His entire demeanour screamed arrogance; his appearance certainly didn't let him down in that department as well.

Bam immediately disliked him - he just seemed like the type of guy to sleaze off and manipulate others into doing what he wanted. (Bam disregarded the fact that his lightbearer technically fell into the same category - it was just different with Khun, okay?)

The stranger directed his gaze straight at Khun. “Isnt that right, Aguero?”

“Aguero?” Bam gaped, fist clenching. Who did that punk think he was to call Khun that?

Khun sighed in exparation. “Leone, behave.”

The man smirked in satisfaction. “Of course, sir.”

He stood up from his seat behind Bam, smiling at the wave controller in the process, and took an elaborate seat next to Khun. Theatrically, the stranger swung his arm around the other, grabbed the menu card from his hand and crossed his legs in a confident manner.

Gesturing to Bam with a slight nod of his head, he mouthed: “Shall we order?”

A moment passed.

Bam already couldn't wait to get out of here.

Begrudgingly, he pressed out a strained nod.

*

Apparently, the mysterious intruder was a high ranked Poe Bideau.

Apparently, that Poe Bideau Leone was one of the major suppliers for FUG.

Apparently, they did business.

Stirring his soup for the past twenty minutes, Bam continuously had to endure the disgusting display of whatever it was between that annoying ranker and Khun. If this was his normal Khun, that man's advances wouldn't even be tolerated, hell, he wouldn't be able to even breathe near his lightbearer.

But no, this was not his usual Khun, and thus, Bam was stuck like this.

Leone pouted in defiance, blinking up at Khun. “Aguero, please pass me the salt.”

“You are old enough to get it yourself.”

“But it doesn't taste as good when I do it myself!”

“You are such a child.”

However long Bam's patience would last, he wasn't sure of. As he was being so clearly demonstrated, this was indeed not the first time Khun and that damned Poe Bideau met.

The two of them seemed familiar, in the way the small touches would keep lingering and a sense of playful comfort oozed off in every interaction. It bothered the irregular greatly: he never expected Khun to be that close to another person.

Especially since the lightbearer never mentioned him, not even once, before this entire affair.

It left Bam wondering what else he was being left out in Khuns life.

“Would you like to accompany me to this new place near my apartment?” Leone asked the bluenette, picking at a single olive.

The boy in question seemed rather disinterested, muttering a muted “Maybe.”

He did not say no; Bam silently noted to himself.

He also did not move from where the Poe Bideau was glued to his side.

“Is that a yes?” the ranker mischievously persisted, with a childish gleam to his eyes.

All he received was a blank side glance. However, Leone was not one to give up quickly.

“Oh, come on Aguero~” deliberately drawing out the syllables.

Slap.

Bam threw his hand on the table, rattling their dishes in the process, grunting.

"He said it's a maybe.”

At Bam's sudden display, Khun's indifference cracked.

Suddenly smiling, he turned to Leone, taking the olive from where it was balanced on the other pick.

"You know what?"

His gaze darkened.

“It is a yes.” he whispered, putting the olive on his lips and taking his sweet time gazing at the Poe Bideau, before swallowing that little, offending piece.

Leone's face broke out in a flirtatious smirk. “Is that so?” he smiled.

For fucks sake.

Bam really had to find a solution now or this whole thing was about to blow up in his face.

Chapter Text

“Listen to me!”

A loud shatter was heard.

“My scout has been ignoring me for a week straight!” A girl, apparently a fisherman, banged her head against the bar table, rattling all bottles and glasses with the impact.

That must've hurt, Bam quietly thought to himself.

“I can't see how to win this cursed test,” she whimpered drunkenly. “I gotta look for a new scout now,” looking up in despair. “Oh my god, I gotta get myself a new team,” the girl whispered in a panic, pulling on her own cheeks until they glowed a bright red.

“Okay, Mila-” A hand put her hair up from the mess on the table and lifted the drunk fisherman up. “-Lets get you out of here.” Her teammate (?) dragged her out of the bar, while apologising to the other patrons in the process and leaving a hefty tip for the poor bartender.

Watching them leave, Bam could only sadly smile at the display - strangely it felt like Deja Vu was hitting him.

Also, it wasn't as if he was faring much better at this point.

Turning his head, he put his eyes on Khun, seemingly enjoying his conversation with that Poe Bidau Leone. They , once again, seemed strangely intimate.

Begrudgingly, Bam had to admit that the bar Leone had suggested was quite amazing. It was a modern place, yet gave off an effortless, refined vibe. It fitted the Poe Bidau perfectly, certainly leaving no doubt in Bam why the elder would suggest a place like that.

Between sipping his strong-looking drink and tuning into the live-band, Khun seemed to genuinely enjoy his conversation with the other. Occasionally, he would move to fix his hair, then absentmindedly start playing with a single strand instead. Leone's gaze would then fixate on that simple action and draw his attention to the soft, luscious hair.

To make matters worse, Bam was able to make out a few shoulder touches here and there, among some pretty intense eye contact.

It rubbed him the wrong way to witness his Khun acting like that.

It rubbed him even worse to admit that they did look good together.

Despite trying his best, Bam just couldn't move his gaze from the two of them.

It was an annoyance to see Khun smiling at a stranger, rather than at him.

But even more, it's been way too long since he has seen Khun genuinely smile. Even before this floor - when was the last time Khun has been able to smile carefree and with sincerity?

Somberly, Bam sipped on his drink.

He couldn't remember.

Watching Khun smiling, Bam couldn't remember the last time Khun smiled at him like that.

“So, what's the plan?”

Shibisu grinned at Bam, worriedly glancing at their lightbearer interacting so happily with a stranger.

Plan.

Indeed, what plan? Bam bitterly thought to himself.

He would like to have an action plan, some kind of direction to move along. His team seemed to eagerly await a response, some kind of toast about how they were going to do this somehow and how Bam would surely figure it out since he was the one who knew Khun best.

It used to be that way.

Until Khun practically debunked every single thing Bam thought he knew about him.

So no matter what plan Bam would be able to put together, Khun would unknowingly be ten steps ahead in destroying that very same plan. With the way he kept entertaining that Poe Bideau, it seemed as if the lightbearer was on a mission to deter Bam from his sanity altogether.

The two of them moved to stand up, with Khun taking the lead in leading the way. They had seemed engaged in their conversation, debating something in a hushed manner. If Bam hadn't been tuning in with this remarkable shinsu control, no one would dare to openly eavesdrop on their conversation.

Their path led them right by Bam's table.

Leone seemed to notice the heated gaze from his left, as a sly smirk started to spread across his face. To make matters worse, from where he stood, Khuns nape was in direct access to his lips.

Bam was absolutely not staring at that, he was not. He was just monitoring, in case his best friend suddenly needed help fending off that prying ranker.

“Stop that already!” Khun hissed under his breath, a bright blush spreading along his neck and cheeks. Using his hair to hide the evidence, the boy coyly brushed his bangs forward in order to create a pretty frame around his face.

If one didn't know Khun at all, it sure seemed like an innocent gesture; but no, it was quite manipulative indeed: while appearing bashful and shy, he still was able to draw attention to the soft blush on his face, now spreading to the rest of his body. Of course the trick worked; Leone seemed to very much like what he saw.

“For you?” Leone pulled Khun close, colliding their chests, whispering in the lightbearers ear: “I'll make every wish come true.” Khuns face lit up in embarrassment and flushed even redder than before, a feat Bam thought wasn't even possible.

It seemed as if this was the cue for the pair to require some further privacy, as Khun now significantly sped up in their exit from the area. Passing Bam on his way out, the bluenette hurriedly dragged the ranker along. Leone let himself be dragged along wherever the lightbearer saw fit.

He spared Bam not a single glance.

Bam had feared it would sting, but the indifference felt like the final stab in his chest.

It wasn't like the subtle pain he would feel with the cold stares and grumpy remarks, it was an all-consuming hurt taking over him. Like someone had ripped his heart apart, as cruelly as the hands that threw him to his torment.

Despite growing accustomed to this new way of interacting with Khun, Bam still found it incredibly challenging to come to terms with this reality. He didn't want to give up, but his fierce determination was beginning to waver: his once reason to live was slipping through his fingers and he didn't know how to stop it.

“Jealousy suits you, my god,” a voice emerged from behind Bam.

A cold shiver ran down his spine.

It was her.

With Bams track record, surprises were not really in his favour these days, as Hwaryun stole his drink, downed the entire beverage in a single go and took a seat right next to the irregular.

She was wearing red again, this time however a low cut dress in a deep wine red colour accenting her figure. Bam had to admit; she looked absolutely stunning.

“Hwaryun!” Shibisu happily exclaimed, the relief so very clearly painted in his face. The scout couldn't even begin to hide the delight over the glimpse of hope in the form of the red witch. Probably because he thought that this was the remedy for his own failure.

But Bam knew better - Hwaryun may really be the last step to their demise.

History had taught him time and time again not to trust the red witch.

Leaning forward, Hatz turned towards their guide, head nodding towards the couple leaving the bar. “So, what do we do about that?”

“That depends on the slayer candidate,” she curtly answered, playing around with the now empty glass.

Gesturing to the waiter, Bam promptly decided to order another drink. Based on how this evening was playing out, he would be needing something stronger pretty soon. “Why does that only depend on me?” he spat out in annoyance, feeling sick of being held to responsibility once again.

Hwaryuns face broke out in a sly smirk, replying nonchalantly: “It is you after all, who he holds these special feelings for, no?”

At the mention of Khuns supposed feelings towards him, Bam paused.

This was the second time someone had brought them up to him.

Deep down, Bam knew that there was a reason why he was the only one subject to the test conditions - but even so, he found it incredibly hard to believe that Khun may be in love with him. Especially since the current situation seemed to prove the exact opposite - Khun feeling up some stranger didn't exactly play towards his feelings.

Resignated, Bam muttered out: "I'm not so sure about that.”.

She gave him a long, pointed look - that alone was saying more than he needed to hear at the moment.

Intently, Endorsi followed their silent exchange; it seemed as if she was realising some things as her stormy expression changed into a resigned frown. Hwaryun chose not to comment any further - but not without leaving some cryptic advice on a simple piece of tissue.

That night, he really had to resist the urge to stay up and wait for Khun, even though he knew it was a fruitless endeavour. He was probably doing god knows what with that Poe Bideau. Bam quickly had to disperse the train of thought he was about to embark on, rather choosing to remain the last bits of his sanity.

Instead, he tried finding his peace on the balcony-; no, their balcony. Remembering the exchanges they had in this tiny piece of marble and wood, Bam was forced to swallow the bitter pill of realisation that right now, Khun was somewhere and someone else's.

A paper crumbled to his feet; somberly Bam picked it up and immediately halted in his step, once he realised who it was from.

The words simply read: “The key lies within you, my god.”

*

Bam was trying everything under the moon now.

After all, there were only two days left for them to pass the floor test and things were not looking good for the team.

Whether it was him trying to carry Khuns shopping bags, helping the lightbearer with documents he didn't quite understand himself or bringing the boy a cup of coffee - at this point the wave controller had to put his desperation somehow to use if he didn't want to become a part of Khuns past.

Even worse was the fact that wherever Khun was, Leone was not far behind.

These following days, Khun spent an abnormal amount of time with Poe Bideau Leone; it irked Bam incredibly, especially since that night. Where once Bam took his place beside Khun on the battlefield, the Poe Bideau suddenly seemed glued to the lightbearers hip.

They practically spent every waking moment together, reading, conversing, trying out new cafes and occasionally going out. What they were connecting over, Bam wasn't able to fathom, especially since Khun wasn't exactly on the best terms with Poe Bideau since the entire debacle with Rachel, Bellerire and the family head.

And still - it seemed that suddenly, they hit it off extremely well.

Bam was making breakfast that morning, when Khun suddenly emerged at an hour highly unlike him. Mustering the weird antics of the boy, Bam grew suspicious: Khun never got up that early since he used to stay up at ungodly hours finishing up leftover work.

No matter how much Bam nagged the lightbearer - he would insist on just completing one more task.

Khun seemed to be wearing some kind of athleisure; maybe he was going for a morning run?, Bam suspected.

“Are you going to workout?” he smiled at the other, not expecting any answer as per Khuns track record in actually acknowledging Bam existence.

“No, I am off to the city,” Khun curtly responded, tying up his shoelaces and fixing the last bits of his attire, even though in Bam's humble opinion Khun always looked effortlessly flawless.

But that was not the only thing he noticed, as the nonchalant statement made him perch up; not only had Khun changed into something other than his typical dress shirt and slacks - he had actually responded to a question Bam had posed.

Swallowing down the elation, he willed his hands to not betray any emotion.

That was unexpected progress!

Taking a chance, Bam risked a glance at the boy, potentially ruining the fragile peace - but maybe securing another step towards victory. Casually, he asked: “Do you want me to drive you?”, hoping to get to spend some time with the boy today.

But just as Bam was regaining some confidence, Khun decided to just completely smash it all down regardless, by just saying the five magical words of Bam's destruction. “Leone is picking me up.”

Ah.

The egg continued to sizzle in front of him.

So that's what it was, Bam bitterly realised.

Leone was picking him up, dragging him around town, helping with god knows what and taking him god knows where! Bam watched the egg burn in simmering anger; he wished it was Poe Bideau Leone's face instead.

Behind him, the door clicked shut.

Bam leaned his head against the counter, trying his very best to decipher what to do next, instead of sulking over some guy trying to steal away his lightbearer. But despite trying his very best, it felt like Khun had already moved on from their history entirely, the laughter and smiles that made them them: like Bam was a mere speck in the vast universe.

Bam couldn't help but feel like he was yet again being left behind, a feeling he was familiar yet so estranged with..

Bam had experienced loss; had to bitterly experience the wounds of guilt; soothe the pain of being betrayed, over and over again, but not with Khun; never with his steadfast Khun, his rock and ever loyal best friend.

Not minding the emerging chatter of the rest of their team slowly trickling into their kitchen for breakfast, Bam retreated into his mind, choosing to blend out his surroundings and let his soul be soothed by the bittersweet memories of the past.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, Khun and Bam would start their day with a long chat over coffee and croissants - these days, their conversations went along somewhat like this:

“Hey Khun, do you want to watch this with me?”

“No.”

“Do you-”

“Can you shut the fuck up already?”

“-Okay.”

In order to make any progress, Bam would need to decipher what Hwaryuns note meant - he somehow had the feeling that the answer to his sorrows wouldn't exactly ease them and he wasn't ready to open that can of worms now.

But maybe he wouldn't have any choice to do so any longer, judging by the way things were progressing along.

Later, lounging around their accommodations, Bam was fiddling with the paper Hwaryun gave him, twisting it until that offending note would magically give Bam the solution he was craving right now.

By midday, Khun had not returned either, leaving no trace behind that he had ever been there in the first place. He sighed, letting the sun warm his face.

Bam felt he had turned the situation over and over again, trying everything under the moon now and still arriving right back where he started. Not only had he failed to gain any insight about Khun, he also had another obstacle to overcome too.

At this point he was back at square one.

“Your face looks miserable.”

Being so immersed in his thoughts, Bam hadn't even noticed Hatz enter the room, sitting across from him and even taking out a book he had apparently brought with him.

Smiling in resignation, Bam threw back a solid: “Thanks, you do too.”

But just like him, Hatz was not exactly in the mood for playing around. Promptly slapping the book close (Had he even read a single line?), Hatz sat up in concentration. “Why are you sulking?” He fixed Bam's gaze with a sharp glare of his own.

“Why, huh?” Sitting up as well, Bam couldn't bring himself to recall all of his failed attempts in the past days, weeks even. If Khun was here, he would probably tell him to realistically re-assess his assets and liabilities and go from there.

But Khun wasn't here.

In fact, it seemed that Khun might never return at this rate.

The floor test was ending in two days, and he was losing the only thing staying by his side no matter what.

In the end, you just end up losing everything, a little, treacherous voice inside Bam's head mocked him.

Hatz mustered his pained expression with a hint of pity, and something he wasn't able to quite put a finger on. A little smile adorned his face, but that wasn't out of pity - in contrast, it was full of disdain.

But just as quickly, Hatz shifted and nothing in his face betrayed any of the emotion leaking out before - as stoic and unmoving as always. In his hand, the note from Hwaryun felt somewhat heavy, a weight inexplicable yet significant.

Noticing Bam shifting, Hatz glanced at the fiddling hands with the paper: "What's in that note?” he asked curiously.

“Just something Hwaryun gave me.”

Hatz frowned.

“You know what?” he mustered Bam, now that he had his attention. Gazing out of the window, Hatz mentally took note of the city lights. They shone brightly, even at this time of day. He turned back to Bam, “If anything, Khun likes danger.”

Danger?

“It's not exactly unknown that Khuns are kind of adrenaline freaks.” At the thought of their own lightbearers' manic tendencies, Hatz condescendingly smiled. “If something doesn't go his way, it challenges him and it's exactly that stuff that intrigues him.”

Bam knew what this meant, of course he knew.

All of these times that Khun put himself in danger like he had nine lives to live, like he was addicted to the chase.

Like he was a moth drawn to that inevitable flame, meant to burn him all along.

Wasn't it because of Khun undying curiosity that he initially wanted to follow Bam all along?

He crossed the space over to the wave controller, invading his space, maintaining the intense eye contact. Gold met a deep brown, almost pitch black - Bam had never noticed how mesmerising Hatz's eyes could be. Firmly gripping Bam's shoulder, he leaned down to his ears. “Become that danger to him,” Hatz whispered to him, a sense of dread and exhilaration washing over Bam.

With a final shrug, the scout left Bam with a new sprout growing in his mind.

*

Hatz had never liked Khun.

The lightbearer was the most irritating, cunning, arrogant and manipulative person he had ever met.

And yet he couldn't help the hidden delight at Bam's pathetic display.

Was it a grudge, a twisted sense of satisfaction, witnessing the wave controller at a loss over the prospect of actually losing Khun? Not by body or shinsu, but of his own volition?

After all he was the one who watched, time and time again, chasing after golden eyes and the inevitable despair they brought to him. But Khun had never cared: for Bam he would gladly give his body, soul and pride; if only for a glance of the irregular.

Bam was always caught up in his destiny, but it was Khun that was forging it for him.

Far away in his gaze, Hatz felt like an everlasting itch had left him.

*

A day before the 67th floor test ended, Bam drove Khun to meet with Leone.

His lightbearer seemed deep in thought, glancing at the passing street lights as if they were the answer to whatever had been occupying his mind.

His hands fiddled with the bag he was resting in his lap, quickly snapping the handle off and on, again and again. The constant clicking was driving Bam insane, nerves barely handled on their own.

He quite literally couldn't wait to arrive, and not because he wanted the tension to end, no - Bam was about to unleash his secret plan and this time, he was determined not to fail.

In truth, Bam couldn't really afford to.

“Stop here,” Khun commanded.

They had arrived, so it seemed, as Leone's broad shoulders came into sight. The Poe Bideau apparently put in some effort to his appearance, if the three piece suite was something of a clue. Bam never understood why people would constantly overdress, it wasn't like this was a major outing - they were quite literally only going shopping.

Leone went to open the door for him.

“Ill get that,” the wave controller tightly smiled.

Bam instead moved to get it for the lightbearer, silently delighted at the strained smile of the Poe Bideau.

Only when Khun stepped out of the car, Bam noticed that he was wearing a suit as well.

He didn't even step on my foot this time, Bam silently noticed.

Somehow, the memory of Khuns foot pressing down on Bams remained burning in his mind.

The pair spent their sweet time browsing through the stores, absentmindedly chatting to themselves and trying out some fancy-people stuff that Bam didn't really get if he was honest.

Khun went to try on something, but Bam quite couldn't just let him go like that - all day he had no opportunity to speak to Khun, the other slipping away like a skittish kitten.

He spotted Leone typing away at his pocket, waiting for Khun to finish.

“Hey, Khun hasn't really drunk anything yet, right?” Bam snarkily remarked.

“Shouldnt you be getting him something? I thought you were his date..” he smirked at the annoyed expression of the Poe Bideau. “But maybe you were just like his brothers all along, y'know."

Bam knew he was not exactly playing fair with the brother card, but desperate times require desperate measures, ok?

Leone shot him a dirty glare, grabbing his jacket and quickly descending the stairs in hunt for Khuns special order that Bam just knew would buy him enough time to execute his plan - waiting until Leone went to get the coffee and literally barging into Khuns dressing room.

So he literally marched up to his lightbearer, swiftly throwing the curtain open and crashing the peaceful try-on session Khun was enjyoing by himself.

“What do you think you are doing?” Khun hissed out in shock.

“Why do you avoid me?” Bam questioned.

“I don't." Khun responded - annoyed and still holding up a shirt he was about to try on.

Bam couldn't help but snort in disbelief. Khun probably didn't even believe it himself, yet was still defiantly bluffing in his face. “You don't, huh?” Bam sighed.

He stepped closer, "It's one thing if you hate me, but don't go around just ignoring me - we are still on the same team.” Bam was trying to make a point here, if only for the sake of their teammates that were preparing to retake the test already.

And potentially look for a new lightbearer as well, he added in his mind.

“No,” Gently, without sparing a glance at the other, Khun pushed at Bam's chest. “And now let me go now,” he ordered, no real heat in his voice.

This time however, Bam wasn't going to just comply like that.

He knew Khun was evasive; his little antics, the desperate and skittish attempts to keep himself hidden from any vulnerability or just the slightest shot at opening up. Pushing Bam away, placing his hands on his chest, Khun attempted to shield himself from the intrusion.

“No,” he sternly declared.

“No?”

“No," he repeated in frustration. “And now just let me go-!”

Bam tightened his grip, hesitating to apply too much strength since he didn't want to actually hurt the other.

“No, YOU listen to me now!”

He pushed the lightbearer to the thin wall, absentmindedly praying to not tear the whole thing in the process. The other boy crashed into the wall, head only cushioned by the hand Bam quickly placed behind his head, in order to protect him from hitting the wall too hard.

After all he was only trying to make a point, not leaving Khun with a concussion.

“No matter how much you avoid me, no matter how many times you leave with that prick - I'm not giving up on you!” Bam heaved out, emotions boiling over in a rush. But only then he realised what position he put the two of them in - their bodies intertwined, chests colliding.

Standing this close, hip to hip; nose to nose; lips only a breath away from finally touching - it had Bam reeling inside. Bam had to mentally restrain himself from doing something really bad; like kissing his lightbearer utterly stupid for looking so damn irresistible.

Wait, what?

Wide eyes, swimming in unfamiliar vulnerability, met his.

Where did that thought even come from?, the wave controller flushed.

A beat passed between them, neither of the both knowing what to do. Khun was shaking, Bam sensed, as the palms he had firmly grasped were slightly sweaty and warm to the touch. It was pleasant, maybe even too pleasant, as Bam suddenly wished to never let go again.

He always wanted to keep Khun this close to him.

Surprised by the intensity of his own feelings, Bam witnessed how Khuns face glowed a bright red, gaze firmly focused on the ground.

“Khun-” he breathed out in fascination.

The lightbearer flushed even deeper at the intimacy of it all. His lips quivered, chest rapidly rising and falling. Bam was afraid he was hyperventilating at this point. Suddenly, Khun fiercely pushed the other away, using a kind of strength even Bam wasn't aware of.

“I got it! Can you let me go now!?” the blue haired boy hissed out, hiding his expression behind the bangs falling into his eyes.

Bam wasn't able to breathe out a single word in response, too enraptured by the presence of the other.

Noticing the distraction in Bam's eyes, Khun's face blushed even more. “Dammit-” he cursed under his breath, quickly moving to take his leave.

Bam found it utterly adorable.

He was so deep in thought, he didn't even notice Khun leaving him behind in the dressing room, nor the questions he kept dodging from Leone while quickly strutting away.

Bam was genuinely lost in his lingering heartbeat.

Being so close to the other, actually feeling Khuns warmth so closely and being able to count each individual lash - it certainly did things to the wave controller.

His heart kept beating uncontrollably.

What was that feeling?

Bam had never thought about love in the tower; he assumed the feeling just came naturally to him.

He loved his friends, loved his past, loved the moments spent in naive bliss and even the sorrow that followed in separation.

Loved the pain, yet despised the delight in comfort.

After all, if two people were destined to be with each other, not even god could stand between them. His parents, Daniel and Roen, Cha and Dowon, even Ureks longing for Garam - maybe Bam wasn't so unfamiliar with what it meant to give a part of yourself to one another.

Since the beginning, Khun was carrying a part of Bam with him, the kindness and softness hidden beneath that icy cruelty.

But even that Bam couldn't find any fault with.

He couldn't imagine a world where he wasn't with Khun.

His heart ached, was crushed and bitterly broken, yet it was finally filled with life and exhilaration and excitement and love.

Because after all, amidst all the tears and smiles, suddenly Bam found himself irrevocably in love with his best friend.

Chapter Text

If someone had told Bam that at some point in his climb he would be finding himself in love with his best friend (and also on the verge of losing him for good), he wouldn't have believed it even for a second.

He would have laughed in their face and told them that even the prospect of Khun respecting Khun Eduan was more likely than that - that was genuinely what the wave controller had believed at the time.

And now?

Things couldn't have turned out more precarious than this.

But despite the struggle, resistance and disbelief; in the end Bam found himself completely enamoured with his first and most loyal friend.

How did he not notice before?

How did he just live life without ever acknowledging the comforting presence and steadfast kindness he was continuously shown? With every passing minute since that dreadful realisation, Bam grew more frustrated with his past self. And with that, the last day on this floor had also arrived - at daybreak, the final test would officially begin.

Bam knew that this was potentially it for him and Khun; if he didn't manage to reverse the feelings of his lightbearer then all their efforts would be for naught - Khun would be staying on this floor.

And their team would have to retake the test without him, having another member go through all that once again.

And have that member potentially leaving the team as well, until even the last two people turn against each other.

Bam would rather die than have that happen - he would do everything in his power to keep the people he loved close to him.

“A penny for your thoughts?” a soft voice appeared above Bam.

Bam was just lounging around in their living space, anxiously waiting for them to start their final trip to the arena, burying himself beneath a wall of soft cushions and blankets. Bam wasn't aware of the amount of fabric he had collected in a desperate search of comfort and then, out of nowhere, Endorsi appeared before him.

Bam couldn't help but flash a small smile at the princess; after all she was one of his closest friends and one of the only people he wholeheartedly trusted. It reminded him of this exact same situation playing out a few days ago, when he first found Khun after his outburst in the kitchen. When he made Bam his personal dog for a week. When his Khun still looked at him, even if it was in disdain.

Bam gulped down the pang in his heart.

Instead of judging his massive amount of comfort blankets, Endorsi simply grabbed one of the ones lying on top and nestled in, right next to Bam. Her body warmth immediately started seeping into the pile, creating a cosy and intimate nest; just for the two of them.

Bam noticed immediately; Endorsis body was so, so close; arms slightly grazing, her gaze firmly fixed on Bams eyes. The irregular met her halfway, quietly soaking in the silent moment between the two of them.

For a second, Bam found himself questioning: How would it feel like, loving Endorsi?

Holding her hand, confiding his deepest fears to her, cuddling her at night; kissing her good morning?

Bam could so clearly see it, almost taste the idea of that love before him.

But even though Bam could so clearly imagine it, he just couldn't bring himself to act on it. He thought of Endorsi as someone who just got him, without any words; but somehow their feelings still weren't able to align as effortlessly.

There was no heat, no passion, no desire ; just a sense of familial comfort.

Despite being so close to her, all Bam could think about was how he wished it was Khun instead.

His eyes must've translated the words he found too hurtful to speak; Endorsis' expression shifted to that of a resigned smile.

In the safety of their little nest, Bam allowed himself to grieve the death of a possible future with the girl he knew best; the one girl he knew was nothing like the one he once devoted his entire being to.

“I am so sorry,” Bam whispered into the air around them. He didn't need to tell her out loud; Bam knew she realised what he meant.

In a silent response, Endorsi gazed at their arms; so close, yet never entangeling - her finger twitching.

“I knew you would never look at me the same way you look at him,” she murmured, a hushed laugh escaping her in the same breath.

“But it does sting, doesn't it?”

Bam perked up.

“Him never meeting your eye the same way you do? Just helplessly staring at the back of the man you love, knowing you'll never get to embrace him like you so desperately want to?” Endorsi spoke in a hushed manner, words tumbling out of her mouth as quickly as she allowed her feelings out.

“Endorsi, I-”

“I have watched him for years, Bam,” she interrupted him, carefully watching where her words slipped by.

Endorsi shifted away from Bam, her body facing the ceiling amidst the wave of blankets. Watching the princess actually express her emotions to him, despite the dreadfully intimate nature of the topic, Bam's heart swelled in gratitude for having such a valuable friend in his life.

Right now, in their own little universe, he knew it was really special for her to confide in him like that.

Endorsi stayed like that for a bit; not moving, but quietly gazing at the beige wall above them. Bam joined her in that endeavour, not wanting to disturb the peaceful bubble around them. At some point he felt eyes on him, and then Bam knew Endorsi was staring at him, clear intent clear in those fiery eyes.

At the look she was giving him, Bam's heart suddenly skipped a beat. She was ready to say something.

A beat passed between them; no sounds uttered and hidden words swallowed. And then- “I knew he loved you for years,” Endorsi whispered quietly.

Resignation was evident in her expression, as if she was relaying some old truth to him that was so deeply ingrained in their past.

Bam found himself at a loss. In the end, he was the only one that had been in the dark the entire time - was it really that obvious to their friends around them?

Did they all know that apparently Khun loved him? And not like a brother - loved him like breathing, like needing the sun; loved him like the light and dawn meeting and creating something new altogether.

Loved him like Bam did.

His expression must've showed something, because suddenly, Endorsi threw back her head, sharply laughing out loud.

“And you know why?” Bitterly, almost hurtful, she threw Bam a glare. There was no heat; the embers had burned out already.

“Because I saw myself in him.”

All that remained were the ashes of an innocent infatuation with the boy she once met many floors ago. And Endorsi knew; she knew exactly what Khun must've felt when he first gazed upon the golden eyes that were so much like the purpose she sought.

Endorsi couldn't help but chuckle in irony, turning back to the ceiling. At least the ceiling wouldnt make her heart jump, her blood boil; her soul feel alive again.

Helplessly, the girl smiled at that cold ceiling, refusing to meet the irregulars eyes.

“And now-” she extended a shaky hand towards the sky, itching to reach towards something; but stopping halfway. Her lip quivered, yet her palm finally twisted into a determined fist.

“-I see myself in you ,” Endorsi fiercely declared.

And Bam understood.

How could he not?

Silently, the irregular sat up, collecting the remaining blankets, moving to get them to the cleaning station.

It was about time they needed a deep, thorough cleaning.

Endorsi made no move to follow him.

Before he left however, a firm voice called out from behind him. “I hope you get to tell him your feelings, Bam.”

Under his breath, the irregular smiled. He truly was blessed with the most amazing companions in the entirety of the Tower.

“Got it.”

*

In total, 76 regulars gathered for the last test.

This test would determine if the regulars would move ahead or stay behind on this floor.

At the gate, Leone and Khun were already there; laughing with no care in the world and looking like they belonged. So effortlessly, they created the image of security with one another.

And Bam was standing on the sidelines, just observing the blue haired boy from afar.

Where he once stood next to him, there was a clear gap that had been filled by someone else. Where his companions would fill his life with laughter and light, Khun had left his side; and that simply wouldn't do.

These past days Bam had been in an emotional turmoil like never before; he truly felt like he had died and had been reborn as a more resolved and determined man than ever before, because this wasnt about fighting, this was about keeping what was his.

Bam would never, ever let someone take his beloved from him again; no matter what it took.

He was sure about it now, the feelings he held toward Khun much too big for the little vessel that was his heart - this test was not meant to determine if the team were able to bring back their lightbearer, no, it was a test for Bam to come to terms with his love.

But if Khun didn't want to come back to him - well, then Bam had to be willing to lose what he loved or he would destroy what little he had left.

He took a deep breath, willing his nerves to calm down a bit.

Rak had been eerily quiet while lining up to register their team. Endorsi and Hwaryun were conversing somewhere behind him, while Hatz and Shibisu watched Bam watching Khun.

Tense nervousness before a floor test was nothing new to the team - but without their lightbearer it was more of an unsure and fragile affair than what they were used to.

Successfully registered, the team entered the room.

The clock started ticking absentmindedly.

Bam simply decided that it was too late for hesitating; he had hesitated too long, gambled with the things he couldn't afford to lose. This time he needed to be brave. Deciding to approach the two mingling figures, Bam strutted towards the pair.

“Khun.”

Bam stood behind the other, lost in the haze of the evening. At being called out, Khun turned around and faced Bam, yet - Khuns' eyes were empty.

Glassy; yet nothingness reflected in the blue orbs.

Why were they empty? Where was the life, the laughter, the thrill for adventure he found in these blue irises?

It was almost as if the last will to fight had left Khuns body and left him a shell of his former self. If this was what was going to be left of him, then Bam would have preferred to have been killed by Khuns own hand rather than witnessing this hollow image of his best friend.

Leone was simply watching them stare at each other, until Bam decided to move. He exhaled and glanced at the Poe Bideau. “Mind giving us a moment?” he asked. Leone sought Khuns reaction; the other boy just shrugging in indifference.

“Fine.” The ranker took a step back and lingered around the corner, still in hindsight but far away enough to grant them privacy. As he was not taking part of the test, he was free to just move around as he pleased anyway.

“Khun.” Bam's gaze was downcast, but his fingers were itching to reach out to the boy before him. Silence met him. He decided to try again, this time with more of an urgency.

“Khun, I-”

“-I got it,” the boy hissed; annoyed and obviously starting to be on edge again. But this time Bam couldn't fail, he needed to tell Khun how he felt. Too much depended on it.

The clock kept ticking absentmindedly.

Suddenly, a screen popped up before Khun. A glowing, floating lighthouse accompanied it, with an announcement ringing through.

“Welcome regulars, to the last and final test here on the 67th floor. Up until now, only two teams managed to reverse the state of the participant into the original disposition.”

Bam winced - that many teams were still struggling?

No wonder his master had intently warned him of the true nature of this test - fickle, underestimated and silently deadly.

“The final test consists of the test subject answering the specifically allocated question on the screen before you.”

Bam wasn't exactly able to read what the text read, but judging Khuns expression, it must've been something pretty bad again.

“You may answer the question yourself or ask one of your companions for you. The question must be answered truthfully during the remaining time of the test.” The voice softly concluded the announcement with a wistful “Good luck.”

Khun continued staring at the screen, eyes narrowing. Their team was staring at their backs, hesitating in approaching Bam and Khun. When Shibisu finally took a step towards the two, it was Endorsis hand that halted him in his endeavour. At his questioning look, she knowingly shook her head, silently telling him that this was something that Bam needed to do on his own.

Hatz mustered the princess' odd behaviour, but quickly realised that she must have reached her own conclusion on this floor. He felt glad, relieved for his friend; happy, that she could try to move towards a happier future for herself.

Now, the only thing left were these two before him.

Bam sighed, taking a deep breath to relieve the anxiety.

“You-” he started to speak, but was immediately beaten to it.

“-Why were you on the balcony?” Clear intent was evident in Khuns firm voice, so unlike the crestfallen demeanour from earlier.

A shiver ran down Bams spine - was that seriously the question on the screen for Khun?

Wait, how did they even know? At this point, Bam was genuinely questioning the integrity of the test administrator, so rudely invading their privacy - but then again, what hadn't been invaded by the Tower until now?

Bam sighed. It was useless; and all out in the open anyway.

“Are you asking me?” Bam clarified.

“Yes.” Khun answered with no hesitation.

Bam didn't know what the right thing to say was - was there even a right thing to say? So he simply decided on the truth.

“I came for you.”

“For me?” Khun snorted in disbelief. “Don't be ridiculous. You laid a trap for me there, didnt you?”

“What?” A trap? Khun seriously thought that Bam had been planning to trap Khun?

The irregular was at a loss - just how much did he distrust him in this state?

Snarling, Khun pointed to him with an air of arrogance. “Why else would you have been there, lurking around and just waiting to-”

But Bam wasn't having it anymore.

“-Waiting to what?”

Instead of simply enduring all the insults and insinuations like before, he now knew better. He decidedly threw back the ball in Khuns court, but with such a strong weight that the other was taken aback. For once, Khun was struck silent and Bam, he insisted on challenging him right where he knew it stung Khuns pride the most.

“Waiting to what, Khun?”

Khun remained silent and the wave controller just knew that the lightbearer stubbornly refused to recall what had passed yesterday, right on that damned balcony.

It was the night before the final test.

After a long and emotionally draining afternoon with Endorsi, Bam found himself once again pondering over how he wanted to approach Khun, how he wanted to tell him about his feelings. The balcony had become his sanctuary; his place of solace and safe harbour.

Did he hope for Khun to find him here?

Well - maybe.

But it wasn't like he was specifically coming here for him; if Khun decided to grace him with his presence, then that would be his blessing.

And low and behold - Bam was indeed blessed as Khun suddenly strutted through the balcony, right into Bam's arms. He was a dishevelled mess - hair wavy, white shirt rumpled and downright flushed. His eyes were unfocused and only recognized Bam after a few seconds of incoherent blinking.

The sight before him made Bam ache, both in a sudden desire and worry at the uncharacteristic display.

“You-”

“Ah.” Khun deliriously smiled, pointing up at Bam. “Funny isn't it? Us ending up here again, and again, and again, just to-, to-”

Bam was worried now - Khun seemed obviously intoxicated, possibly even drunk.

Did he go out with Leone? Why would he let Khun get to that state?

“Khun, did you drink?” Bam questioned the other, hands firmly grabbing his shoulders. Khun just laughed out loud, lightly trying to swat his hands away.

“And even if I did, what does it concern you? Stop pretending to care for me, I can't stand it!” The boy snarled, but his gaze was sparkling; sparkling with life, with exhilaration; with challenge.

Bam was entranced; Khun was saying he couldn't stand him, but his eyes were pleading for Bam to prove him otherwise.

And Bam didn't need any words to show him; the other wouldn't even believe him anyway - at this moment, there were no words that could convince Khun of Bam's love for Khun.

Maybe then it was just best to show him then.

It started with Bam slowly increasing the pressure on shoulders he was gripping tightly; at this distance, he was able to feel every single exhale and shift of the boy before him.

Their closeness left him sizzling with desire, a need to touch so strong that it left Bam breathless just at the thought of finally having Khun at his mercy after days of torture.

Khun softly sighed, eyes closing, slowly exhaling a low sound in pleasure; and Bam had never thought about what brought Khun pleasure, and now he couldn't stop his mind racing down that rabbit hole, couldn't stop thinking of heated gazes, and hot touches and the delectable mouth before him he wished to draw these divine sounds from.

Bam inched closer, closer to the heat, to the inevitable danger and the blue that threatened to consume him, right there and then. He willed his breath to slow down a bit, gulping down and really having to grip his resolve so he wouldn't just devour his lightbearer whole.

“Tell me to stop,” he rasped, grip even stronger than before, roughly pulling the other in. It made Khun heatedly gasp up, at being manhandled so roughly. His face flushed, rosy blush spreading to the delicate neck presenting itself before Bam and god - the knowledge that Khun liked this, was excited and turned on by this, made Bam delirious with heat.

Dazed eyes blinked up at him, and even now; defiance.

Khun never, ever does as he is told to, even if it means doing unspeakable things instead.

“Don't stop,” he instead whispered into the thick tension between them, electricity sparking and breath mingling. Bam was just a man indeed; in the face of the one he loved the most, so enticing before him, he just succumbed like a worshipper to his god; and god, did it feel divine, their lips only meeting in a bare touch yet still sending thousands of shivers down his spine.

Bams hand moved upwards, lightly cradling Khuns cheek, so soft and warm, like the overwhelming feeling in his chest he was drowning in. Desire this overwhelming; Bam didn't know such an emotion existed before, but now?

He was afraid of what he was willing to do for the fantastic boy before him.

In that slight moment of pulling back, Khun suddenly grabbed his arms and roughly pulled him back in, wildly crashing their lips together and pouring all he had into Bam.

Bam could only respond with unrestrained passion himself, pressing himself to Khuns body and firmly gripping the back of his head. In that moment, he unconsciously grabbed a handful of his hair, roughly pulling the boy's head upwards, a high-pitched “Ah!” leaving Khuns lips, disconnecting with only a string of saliva connecting them.

Bam made his way down his throat, finally getting to descend upon the soft skin there. Ever since he had to witness Khun and Leone at that bar, flirting and those damn playful gazes, Bam had been craving to just push Khun to a wall and claim what was his; his lightbearer, his love, his light - Bams heart swelled up in emotion.

This was the love of his life, and he was finally with him, finally, but-

He still hadn't told him how he felt.

Khun was still under the test's influence, they were still in the midst of the floor test and Khun still hated him.

Bam halted in his quest of marking down Khun, lips just lightly grazing the deep mark he had just left on his lightbearers nape. Khun stopped gasping for air in order to gaze down at Bam. His eyes darkened, heat gradually dissipating. Finally, with slow deliberation, Bam pulled away.

The thick haze slowly lifted and he was left at a loss with himself - he didn't know how he could get carried away that badly, especially in that situation.

Suddenly, it hit Bam - Khun couldn't even consent to the entire ordeal. He basically had just taken advantage of Khuns vulnerability.

His breathing fastened, eyes burning with hot tears.

He was so ashamed of himself.

Gasping for air, Bam tried to articulate the suffocating feeling in his chest, while keeping Khun at an arms distance. “I'm so sorry, Khun- you were under the influence, and yet I-, I-”

He was a horrible person, taking advantage of his friend in such a terrible state.

Bam didn't remotely deserve Khun to remember him, not after what he had done to him.

Deep in his panicking thoughts, Bam didn't notice the imminent tapping of a foot before him, the crossing of arms and the overall air of someone who just didn't exactly feel a shred of sympathy for the man before him - until an annoyed voice spoke up.

“I'm not.”

Bam stumbled over a breath. “What?”

“I just pretended to be drunk,” Khun spat out, like it was a matter of fact.

Bam didn't even know how to begin to process the words before him. He halted, gaping before him.

Khun just shook his head, like Bams reaction was completely unreasonable and he couldn't even begin to fathom his response at all. Instead, the lightbearer brushed his bangs out of his face and fixed the collar of his rumbled white shirt. “Don't look at me like that - I just wanted to test something.”

At the lack of Bam's response, Khun tched and rolled his eyes. “Well my test has been successful, so I'm gonna go now.”

“Just like that?” Bam breathed.

“Just like that.” Khun smiled, hoping to provoke the other even further.

But to Bam, this was something that couldn't be resolved with a fist fight or negotiations. Bam's heart was being split into two, the last shreds of it just utterly crushed by his feet. His eyes were glazing over, the tears he was holding back so hard finally breaking out of the dam. Silently, two trails of hot tears moved down his cheeks.

Khun watched the other in surprise, not expecting this kind of reaction.

You are fine with using people just like that, without any remorse?

As Bam realised that, he also had to get to terms with the real Khun before.

Perhaps this was a Khun without Bam, a Khun that grew up in the Khun family, was never abandoned and never truly got to experience the meaning of loyalty and companionship, perhaps even true love, in his life.

In that split moment, all he could feel towards this person was pity.

Amidst the hot tears and the sharp pain of his heart, Bam felt like he needed to let go of this other Khun; this person, that was not his own Khun yet still looked, breathed, smelled and laughed like him. Finally, the irregular settled on a simple sentence.

“You are not a good person, Aguero,” Bam whispered into the late night.

And he saw it, saw how Khuns life drained out of his eyes, mouth opening and closing, sharp gasps, dread and panic, and sweat and the sheer terror pass his eyes.

But Bam was too hurt.

He left the balcony, not looking back once.

“Why were you there?”

Bams' question hung in the air; Khun remained silent.

The things that passed between them too fragile; much too delicate to put into simple words.

“Khun, what happened between us-”

“Nothing happened between us.”

6 minutes were left.

Chaos ensued in the arena around them, random regulars starting to fight each other over unanswered questions and answers that were too truthful. To Bam, there were mere flies humming around him; his focus remained resolved on the boy before him.

Bam was in disbelief; at the defiance before him, the sheer delusional denial Khun was in. He never associated such behaviour with him before; if there was a realist in this world, it would be his Khun. But now - if you told him the shinsu sky was purple, he would defend that opinion until his dying breath.

Bam and Khun continued their stare-down.

“Are you serious?” he asked incredulously.

“How could it have?” Khuns cold gaze swept across Bams face, “I hate you,” he snarled with hatred dripping from his every word.

They hadn't even noticed the clock ticking behind them, timer showing a half-hour timeframe slowly trickling down.

There were only 2 minutes left.

“Is that it? You just hate me?”

“Yes, I do. I despise all of you.”

But Bam knew better now. “I don't believe it,” he curtly responded. Khun icy glare frosted over with disdain, at not being taken seriously; at being challenged and not obeyed to.

Bam directly gazed into Khuns eyes. “You don't hate me, Khun.”

From afar, Bam could make out Leone coming over to the two of them.

“Aguero-” the ranker frowned, moving to dissipate the rising tension between the pair, before someone or something could get hurt.

But before that, Bam decided that it was time. Bam gathered all his courage and finally, finally spoke the words he so desperately needed to have confirmation on.

“It's because you're in love with me, aren't you?”

A moment of silence passed.

Leone stopped in his tracks, coming to an utter stillstand. Khuns eyes widened in shock, and then in disbelief at the sheer audacity of this man to suggest something as outrageous as that.

“Me, in love with you?” Khun spat out in disgust.

But Bam was not hesitating anymore. “And you were afraid I wouldn't like you back, right?”

He took another step forward.

“That it would change things between us.”

He was sick of being left behind.

“That we wouldn't be friends anymore, that I would cast you out-”

He saw that Khun was about to snap; his eyes shaking with terror. Putting himself between the two of them, Leone tried to intervene: “Hey! Watch how you speak-”

“Shut up!” Khun harshly interrupted Leone. Pushing him to the side, he directed his fired up gaze at Bam. “There's no need to lie to me. You really think you can fool me into believing I ever liked him?”

Bam was not able to hold it in any longer now.

“Khun, I-”
“Aguero, please listen-”

But Khun wasn't having it.

“No, YOU listen-”
“Guys, wait-”

“I LOVE YOU!"

Suddenly, the entire arena fell deadly silent. The deafening mess of a fight was tuned out, no arguments or howls visible anymore. Not a single peep was to be heard; not even a single chuckle could be made out.

It was truly, utterly silent.

And Bam didn't care.

In this moment, all he cared about was the boy in front of him, staring back at him in horror.

“I love you.” Helplessly, Bam could only succumb to the whirlwind of emotions in him, finally opening his heart to his beloved. Even if he knew it to be futile.

“I do.” Once the dam opened, it was impossible to stop the overflowing feelings from streaming out of him. Bam's heart felt like bursting with the adrenaline and affection he was allowing for the first time. “I really do love you with all I have.”

His hands were shaking; sweat was dripping down his forehead, face hot and breath heavy. Bam was scared to death, yet he never felt more alive than in this moment.

“I love the way you never really give up; the way you love to have the last word-” Bam helplessly smiled at the memory, “-and even the way you sometimes just infuriate me yet you still are my safe place.”

“What-” Khun anxiously inhaled. Panic gripped his hands.

“I love the way you are my beginning and my end.”

Bam knew - it's always been and it will always be like that. His star may have vanished into the sky, but his lighthouse would always be there, steady and safe to guide him home.

“Wait, Bam, stop-” Khun barely exhaled. Cold dread creeped down his spine.

“I love you. Just you, not the lightbearer or Khun or even my best friend, I just love you, Khun Aguero Agnis.”

“Hold, on-” Please, just stop, he helplessly pleaded in his mind.

Determined, Bam missed the fruitless attempts of his lightbearer to tell him something important, something urgent; something he perhaps should listen to.

But instead, he went on, “And I don't care if you hate me, or never remember, or continue to resent me for the rest of our damn lives, because then so be it!”

Finally resolved, Bam completely missed the trembling figure before him. “And I'll never stop chasing you because without you there's no me- ”

-until the dam broke.

“BAM!”

Khun's eyes were wide open, his expression full of pained emotion. His eyes were as clear as the night sky, as bright as the moon on a starless night.

Bam.

He called him Bam.

Bam hadn't heard that name in so long, it almost felt surreal to watch Khun struggle to form the words he so desperately longed for so long.

Taking an unconscious step closer, Bam stared at his lightbearer. From afar he was able to make out a quiet gasp, but that didn't matter right now. Nothing mattered right now besides the boy standing in front of him, face pale and palms shaking.

“I-” Khun stumbled over his words, struggling for them to leave his mouth. “Im-”

Never before in his lifetime, Bam had felt anxiety as intense as this.

“Khun?” he breathed out in question, barely audible in the thick tension.

The icy wind blew right past them.

Horrified, Khun whispered: “I remember everything.”

A loud siren was heard - the clock had struck zero.

With that, the 67th floor test had officially ended.

And Bam found himself staring right back at Khun, starstruck and still helplessly in love.

As the last tune faded away, amidst the chaos of announcements coming through declaring losers and winners, Bam was only able to make out a shaking figure, blue hues blending together and then, finally, a loud declaration of “Congratulations for passing the 67th floor test, Jyu Viole Grace!”; and when he turned around, the last thing he witnessed was his lightbearer desperately escaping the scene like a criminal, leaving nothing behind but stunned confusion and a shattering heart.

Chapter Text

Why Khun Aguero Agnis is still fighting for love, he doesn't know.

What he does know is that the vast shinsu sky is blue; the blazing sun golden; and his love for the 25th Bam unbound.

Loving Bam was easy, it came naturally to him; was like taking a deep breath of fresh air after years of adversity, because before Bam, there was Maria and before that, there was only suffocating.

A long time ago, Khun was proud to be an Agnis.

As the son of an Agnis, he knew how to pick and choose his battles; but this battle had been lost from the day blue encountered gold on that damned field and since that fateful day, there were only two truths known to the blue haired boy.

First, Khun Aguero Agnis loved the 25th Bam; that was the fact he long ago had begrudgingly accepted and now safely harboured in his heart.

Second, the 25th Bam did not love Khun Aguero Agnis; that was the unspoken law that Khun fiercely lived by day to day.

And so, throughout their journey, Khuns love grew leaps and bounds yet never crossed that forbidden threshold.

It showed up when the plan he made succeeded; when they shared a meal and did the dishes despite Rak wanting to jump to desserts immediately; when Bam didn't know whether to use moisturiser or toner first and gently asked to use Khuns stuff, and Khun hated it when people touched his stuff, but Bam wasn't people, so he was allowed to use it anyway.

It was in the tiny, fleeting moments where Khun was willingly giving up the small parts of himself to invite Bam in.

Loving Bam was like breathing to him; without him, he was drowning again.

So when the 67th floor came up, Khun, of course, wasted no time in finding out exactly what was going to be awaiting them during this test. What was the test about, who were they about to encounter, what trials would they have to overcome again?

Khun knew about the rumours surrounding this test; that teams were known to have a massive fall out after the 67th floor. The reasons varied greatly; from hidden affections, to betrayals and deep grudges held against one another; there was no specific trigger as to why teams split up.

It was only when Khun had been contacted on the 64th floor, during an outing with FUG and their suppliers. His pocked beeped, momentarily distracting him from the conversation he was engaged in. At the anonymous message, suspicion arose in Khun; who would be able to access his pocket information that easily?

Even though he grew wary, Khun decided to open the message regardless - he was simply too curious now.

Hello, Mr. Khun, the text read. I heard your team is taking the 67th floor test soon. If you wish, you might be interested in a conversation with me. Let me know - I will be awaiting your response eagerly.

Poe Bideau Leone

Oh.

Khun knew that name. Poe Bideau Leone - a well-known ranker, not very interested in climbing the ranks and power and prestige and all that came with it. The man supposedly settled down on the 67th floor, living comfortably and just…existed among the other citizens of the floor.

At least, that was the widely spread public information.

Under wraps, Poe Bideau Leone was actively running a trading empire, distributing weapons and arsenals to regulars, rankers and all that had the necessary funds which was honestly the only requirement relevant to the ranker. So, if Jahads soldiers requested new needles, Leone was the one you would need. However, if FUG reached out for a stock up of their own weapon arsenal, then Leone was also the man you needed to go to.

And if they didn't have the funds?

Well, Leone took payment in other forms too.

A distant affiliate to FUG; cunning, discreet and willing to work with about anybody in order to reach his goals - Khun immediately disliked him, if only he was a bit too much like him.

Hwaryun had previously mentioned to him that there was a ranker living on that floor, reasonably wealthy and well connected - the perfect target for him to use for some valuable information. Apparently, Poe Bideau Leone had already been in contact with some of their allies and heard of Jyu Viole Grace's team moving up the floors rather quickly, thus soon reaching his base.

Khun frowned at the message; it was not to his liking having to abandon Bam in favour of fishing out some information. However, it was very valuable information. The lightbearer sighed to himself; some sacrifices had to be made.

And so, begrudgingly, Khun met with Poe Bidau Leone two nights later; late at night, at a shady bar, when all his teammates would be fast asleep and his steps couldn't be traced back to. Khun purposefully switched off the location tracker on his pocket, as he really didn't want to be confronted with an unnecessary interrogation later; he would be making sure he would be back at a reasonable time, maybe just before Bam would wake up for his morning work out.

That way Khun wouldn't have to miss Bams delicious breakfast and would be able to join him in the kitchen early on; getting to spend some quality time before the rest of the lot would join them.

Khun sipped on his drink; some kind of bitter, alcoholic convocation.

Lately, the team has not been able to properly catch up despite their weekly strategy meetings. Even though he didn't particularly like to admit to it, Khun really missed the mundane moments with his friends and-

Who was he kidding?

He really missed the mundane moments with Bam.

“Why the long face, darling?” A velvety voice emerged right next him,

In his mind, Khun threw up a little; at the disgusting address and also at the stranger that just randomly decided to sit a little too close to him, even if he already knew who decided to grace him with their presence.

“Well, it might be better if you weren't so keen on taking up all of my personal space now?”

“Hm.” Poe Bideau Leone's face dropped in disappointment. “What if I want to properly appreciate a beauty like you from up close?” His face shifted into a disgusting mixture of desire, obvious ogling and a hint of flirtatious mirth.

Nevermind.

“Cut the crap.”

Khuns sugary sweet smile fell in an instant, too fed up and sleep deprived for Leones little games. “Poe Bideau Leone, I didn't come here for pleasantries. You have something I want and I am pretty sure I can offer you a sweet reward for that - so, why don't we get to point and skip whatever this is?”

The ranker laughed in delight.

“Mm, I like them feisty. But if that's what you wish, my Aguero, then let's get right to it, shall we?” He smirked and licked his lip, eyeing Khun up and down, suggesting his attention may lie somewhere else. Khun was about ready to throw a punch in his disgustingly smug face - but he restrained his urges, masked his boiling emotions and willed his fury down. The lightbearer reminded himself; no matter how much he detested this man, he had to go through with it - for Bam.

“So, what do you have?”

Leone smirked at him, “Well, what do you know so far?”

Khun deadpanned the man, his antics way too obvious. Khun preferred some subtlety, something this ranker probably had never heard of. But he had to cooperate for now. “Well, the floor test isn't based on skill set or shinsu aversion - it's a test based on a reversal of some attribute.”

“Well, you are not wrong. The test is simply an assessment of the emotional attachment between humans and the psychological repercussions of reversal of such.”

Khun halted in his antics, having decided to start actually listening to the ranker. He took a sip from his drink, gulping down the bitter taste. Khun set down his drink, Leones gaze following the action intently; he picked up the slender spoon and twirled it in his hand.

“Not the test itself is hard in its complexity, but the consequences that would arise afterwards are where the trouble really lies. The test is complicated in its functionality, but basically it switches the hormonal makeup of your emotional setup and reverses it according to the test rules every individual time around.”

Leone took a sip, and continued his stare down with the lightbearer.

“It's a powerful tool to disrupt already established team dynamics and meant to target strong teams in particular,” Leone commenced, stirring Khuns drink instead.

Khuns eyebrow twitched in annoyance - he had to seriously gulp down his annoyance. “How do you pass the test?” he gritted out instead.

Leone, of course, picked up on the clue; yet still decided to continue to play coy. “There are two possibilities: In order to pass you must bring the emotional reversal back to where it originally was, basically.”

Khun frowned.

“And there's a second possibility - it's pretty simple actually,” Finally, Leone took a long sip of his own bright red drink, a few moments passing in between, “A regular is chosen beforehand, who will be the “test taker”. The test taker then chooses a member of their team to take the test with - the person they attach the emotion to, has to simply mirror that feeling to the test taker. So, if one were to hate the person they have chosen, the latter must mirror the emotion exactly.”

Khuns' heart dropped, then started beating irregularly.

“It only says mirror right?” The lightbearer asked, mirth and something more sinister dripping with every word.

Leone smirked; of course he immediately got what Khun was going after, understanding what the lightbearer got at.

“Not only a pretty face, huh?”

Khun understood immediately - Leone didn't say mirror the original emotion; as long as the current emotion of the test taker was mirrored, they would pass, even if it was in that reversed state.

It was ironic. Khun had known himself to have fallen for Bam a very, very long time ago - yet he still couldn't imagine a world without his love. But making Bam suffer with this burden of his feelings was simply out of question, yet at the same time he didn't trust their other team members not to screw up this test.

At this point, they simply couldn't afford to fail the floor test, not with Jahads army chasing after them.

And so, Khun would have to take matters into his own hands once again.

His eyes glazed over with something akin to resignation, yet also determination; Leone took a good look at his expression and simply sighed deeply, as if he was the one resigning to this fate. “I think I get what you are trying to do here.”

Khun smiled in amusement - it was a little humiliating, but also exhilarating, at how badly he was able to conceal the one thing he was trying so hard to keep hidden, when he was so skilled at deceiving and manipulating others for his gain.

But who was he kidding?

Anyone with two functioning eyes and a semblance of common sense would be able to see just what he was willing to do for Bam; simply out of love and dedication.

And he loved Bam, he did; but it was easier admitting that love to himself, when he was alone and it was quiet and the thrumming of his heart would only be visible to him, private and intimate. No one would be able to take his love away – he was safe here.

And Khun would make sure it stayed this way.

Making Bam hate him temporarily wasn't exactly the best course of action; but Khun had done considerably worse and it didn't cost him their friendship yet, so what was one more thing? If it meant Bam would be able to move up one more floor without issues, Khun was more than willing to take on a bit of scrutiny.

Leone mustered the lightbearer, then downed his drink in one go, and waved the bartender over. Khuns' gaze followed the Poe Bideaus, never leaving the other once. Leone smirked at Khun, “Don't worry, drinks on me, sweetheart.” Khuns' brow shot up in confusion, “What about your payment? I brought the intel-”

“-nah, it's good.” Leone waved him off decidedly, gesturing wildly into the air.

“First consultation is free anyways,” he smiled, intent very visible to the other. Khun suspected there may be more behind that facade, but he couldn't afford to waste any more time on Leone - he had to cross check the new gathered information and devise a new strategy, one that was guaranteed to not blow up in his face this time.

The Poe Bideau left first, street lights blurring with every step he took.

When Khun went to register for the test, he made sure to select the test takers.

Khun Aguero Agnis - Jyu Viole Grace

He stared at the screen before him, dread coiling up in his gut.

He pressed “Confirm” regardless.

In the end, Khun purposefully decided to not tell his team about the stipulations.

He knew this would only cause more arguments and protests and “No, Khun, I can't bear to hate you in any shape or form!”; and it would also open up the possibility of certain people asking why he would be hating Bam in the first place and that was something he wasn't willing to disclose anytime soon or most likely ever.

Khun knew that this course of action had its risks and would be particularly difficult for Bam to handle - but it was easier making Bam hate him than having to bear the weight of his love. He knew that Bam would never love him, and that was the only reason he was willing to do this to him.

The evening before the test would begin, Khun purposefully started distancing himself from Bam, just a bit, not to arouse suspicion but to prepare the other a bit for what was coming. Of course Bam picked up on it, and tried to engage in a conversation sometime over dinner; but Khun had to remain stern in his quest, no matter how much his heart clenched.

Later, when he was busy doing his skincare routine, Bam finally decided to emerge, murmuring, “You know, I was just worried.” He looked tired, drained; maybe from having to deal with Khun like this already? Guilt immediately coiled in Khuns gut.

“You just have been a bit distant lately. I wondered if everything was alright with yo-”

Khuns palm twitched. Bam must've picked up on it, because he changed course as soon as he sensed he was treading dangerous waters.

“- I mean, the preparations for the next floor?”

Putting every product back to its designated place, Khun tried to answer curtly: “Everything is going well, don't you worry about that.”

Swiftly, Khun decided to just leave the bathroom, if only to avoid hurting his friend even further - but found his exit blocked by Bam's pleading eyes.

What are you not telling me?

Their gazes met, an unspoken conversation in a beat.

Khun could only pray his heart did not betray his actual feelings.

Nothing, he tried to communicate to the other.

“Bam, everything is alright.” Khun accentuated his statement with a well placed hand on the irregulars shoulder, putting light pressure, meant to reassure him. “There is absolutely nothing to worry about. You focus on fine tuning your shinsu aim while you leave the planning to me, okay?”

Khun tried putting on a reassuring smile, internally cursing himself. He wasn't supposed to cave in so soon, wasn't supposed to be the one comforting the boy again - but it was Bam, wasn't it?

Khuns' resolve always shattered like glass when he was around the other; it has always been like this. He was the one in control, always had contingencies planned within plans over plans; but when it came to Bam, he would probably let the other do anything to him.

It was maddening, loving like this; yet he could never imagine giving this love up.

So, when it came to the actual test, Khun would try his best to ensure Bam would definitely move up - even if it meant possibly hurting him in the process.

The regulars around him seemed clueless, just as much as his own team. But Khun knew; at least one member, most likely the lightbearer, had received the notification beforehand and chosen a team member to be affected by the test.

He even recognized some familiar faces from the registration site; and low and behold, they were pretending to be just as confused as the rest was. Khun internally cringed at some of the poor acting from these individuals - but then again, who was he to judge?

“Regulars, welcome to the 67th floor! As you have been made aware of, every member of the team shall be present in order to be eligible for the testing procedure to take place properly.”

Their ink-black hair swept the ground as they continued to make their way towards the big, illuminating screen above the regulars.

“As the law of the floor cites, this is the test of reversal. A member of your team shall be inflicted with the curse of reversal - may it be physical, mental, to your age or appearance, wisdom, shinsu affinity-” Khun narrowed his eyes “-or your memories for that matter. In order to pass this floor, the team must reverse the state of the chosen member to its origin out of their own means.”

The test administrator mustered the regulars, one by one, eye by eye and inch by inch. Khun knew what was coming - but at the same time, he wasn't prepared at all.

“No killing shall be committed. Any means of violence shall not be tolerated. You cannot interfere in another team's test now can yours be influenced by external forces. If there is a discovery of such an occurrence, the respective team shall be disqualified immediately.”

Their fingers tapped a button on the screen.

Khun glanced at Bam; the other listening intently, attention completely focused on the administrator. His heart clenched - knowing what was about to happen.

I'm sorry, Bam.

A white, hot flash suddenly appeared before everyone's eyes. Strong winds gushed out and brought disarray to the regulars. Only one person remained unphased, with the test administrator calmly gazing upon the scene .

Khun felt a shift within him; he couldn't pinpoint what it was, but something had changed, like a switch turning off in him. It was a weird feeling; he didn't feel particularly different but he just knew that something had changed.

He glanced at Bam again. Suddenly, Khun felt an unspeakable irritation at the sight of the irregular.

Once the winds cleared, they concluded with an air of indifference, “And with that the 67th floor test has begun.” Turning to leave, a last message was sent to the regulars. “I wish all of you luck and may you succeed in your endeavours.”

And Khun gritted his teeth, gripped his fist and narrowed his eyes in disgust, at the display before him; Bam, the irregular slayer candidate, Jyu Viole Grace; and his team, just discussing and interacting so naturally, like nothing was haunting them, like the most dangerous person in the Tower wasn't just casually conversing with them.

Khun felt sick to his stomach; not only at the realisation that he had to keep climbing with this man, but also at the way they all pretended as if he wasn't the monster dragging them all down with his demise.

“I am glad we are all okay-” Bam flashed a sickening smile to his Khun - who was he, to think he could try to manipulate his way into Khuns favour? His expression turned dark, a snarky snort leaving his mouth - this menace really thought he could keep up the innocent act.

“-but why can't we move up then?” Bam threw the question to the round.

Khun snorted to himself. Or he might really just be that dumb.

“Maybe because you are a fucking dumbass?”

Shocked gazes met his, not a sound leaving their mouths. Khun remained unfazed; why were they acting like they were looking at a new person? It was common knowledge that Khun detested the irregulars from the second floor as much as his deadbeat feather.

So to Khun, it wasn't a surprise that in the following days he kept Bam at a lengths distance, when he was not actively insulting or threatening him.

That was how he always operated, okay?

What was a surprise to him were the wistful looks and depressed gazes that the irregular kept throwing at him. Why the irregular suddenly decided to be all up in Khuns business and also trying to guilt trip him for the lack of affection he received, Khun wasn't sure what that was about.

The following days, Khun simply decided to make an effort not to encounter Bam and to preferably completely disregard the existence of that man.

Whether it came to shopping, working out, getting groceries or working on their upcoming plans - Khun made it a priority to keep the irregular far from his sight. Once the brown haired boy was gone, a strange pressure was lifted from his chest and Khun felt like he could breathe again.

When it came to his peace, Khun found the balcony of his room to be especially calming; a breeze and stunning view coming together to create a feeling of solace. He enjoyed evenings there greatly, working until late into the night, without being disturbed and scrutinised for his health and judged for his habits.

That peace ended one night, when Bam decided to ambush his only place of refuge.

Khun grew not only annoyed at the irregular, at times he seriously questioned the ability of the other to read the damn room and realise that he just wasn't interested in building a relationship with the tide about to drown the entire tower in his demise, because at the very least, Khun was planning to save himself to shore.

Strangely, that very night Bam and Khun were able to hold a decent conversation, which might be questionable to some, considering what kind of deal they had struck, but hey, at least no cups were thrown against walls again. And so, Bam became Khuns “dog” - or rather personal slave for the rest of their stay on this floor.

It wasn't as if Khun didn't already guess what the irregular was trying to achieve with this little scheme; but Khun wasn't naive nor easily swayed, so if he thought he could try to garner favour with him?

He was badly mistaken.

And Khun would make sure he found out sooner rather than later.

“So, what are we doing?”

Leone smiled at him, offering his arm for Khun to hold on to. The boy just raised his brow in question and decided to walk on ahead. Shaking his head at the obvious rejection, Leone shook his head in amused resignation and matched his pace to Khun.

“I'm looking for something and decided I would enjoy your company.”

“Exploiting my wisdom again, I see.”

Leone laughed, “Maybe I also do need your great insight - but let's look for something to eat first now, shall we?”

Like a shadow, Khun could feel Bam just following the pair everywhere, without complaints or making himself even seen. Before, Bam would openly complain about the Poe Bideau, but now, he was just silently and obediently following them, carrying bags and drinks and remaining suspiciously calm.

Khun had a feeling; a gut instinct, that the irregular was up to something.

So, when he went to change in the dressing room, the last thing he expected was Bam just shamelessly barging into him changing.

“What do you think you are doing?” he hissed, eyes narrowing in disdain.

Instead of answering him, the irregular pressed on. “Why do you avoid me?” the other questioned, brows furrowed.

“I don't." Khun replied in defiance, arms crossing and putting some distance between the two. He definitely did avoid Bam, but he didn't exactly feel like admitting that to the other.

“You don't, huh?” Bam sighed. He stepped closer, "It's one thing if you hate me, but don't go around just ignoring me - we are still on the same team.”

A vein popped on Khuns forehead; the sheer audacity this man had. But for the sake of the public setting, Khun decided against stabbing Bam in the dressing room; if only he would have to pay for the soiled clothes afterwards.

“No,” Firmly, without sparing a glance at the other, Khun pushed at Bam's chest. “And now let me go now,” he ordered, trying to at least mimic a sense of authority.

“No,” the other sternly declined.

“No?” Khun asked in disbelief.

“No.” Bam replied, like an unmoving rock.

Khuns annoyance rose in an instant and he gritted his teeth. So much for an obedient dog, he bitterly thought to himself. Deciding he had enough, he tried to wrestle his way out of the tight space now. “Let me go-!”

However, Bam suddenly tightened his grip, keeping the lightbearer in place. At the sheer display of strength, Khun gulped, something tightening within him.

That was kinda hot.

Khun froze.

Wait, what?

“No, YOU listen to me now!” Bam's voice rumbled, carrying a weight Khun was not used to; it ignited something in him, the rough bass in the irregulars tone making his knees wobble, sweat starting to break out all over him. Amidst his humiliating thoughts, Bam had pushed the lightbearer to the thin wall, applying force, but deliberate force, so he wouldn't be hurt but still felt the impact of the push.

By now, Khun was definitely sweating, and not only at Bam's actions but rather at his own embarrassing and questionable reactions.

Bam heaved, “No matter how much you avoid me, no matter how many times you leave with that prick - I'm not giving up on you!” Standing this close, hip to hip, nose to nose; lips only a breath away from finally touching - Khun was effectively losing his mind, heart racing in anticipation-

But in anticipation of what?

Wide eyes, swimming in unfamiliar vulnerability, met his.

“Khun-” Bam breathed out; Khun could only meet his stare halfway, gulping down the sudden tremble making his way downwards. At the rough call of his name, Khuns breath hitched in anticipation; he could feel Bams breath on his lips, so close and warm, heady and ready to-

Oh god, Khun realised in a hitch. I could kiss him like this.

His heart skipped an excited beat.

Fuck.

The lightbearer flushed even deeper at the intimacy of it all. His lips quivered, chest rapidly rising and falling. And Bam didn't look like he was faring much better at this point, sweaty and slightly dishevelled.

Khun was so not going to survive this.

Bam's heady gaze was practically eating Khun alive, gold melting the others' anxiety away, heat penetrating the deepest pits of Khuns body. He felt like he was being set on fire, and the kind of fire that would someday blaze all around him and consume whatever was left of him.

Khun didn't know whether he liked or deeply despised this; he did however know that he was feeling incredibly turned on by Bam and his actions.

And that scared him, scared him too much to let this go any further.

Suddenly, Khun fiercely pushed the other away, using a kind of strength even Bam wasn't aware of. “I got it! Can you let me go now!?” the blue haired boy hissed out, hiding his expression behind the bangs falling into his eyes. Noticing the obvious, heated distraction in Bam's eyes, Khun's face blushed even more. “Dammit-” he cursed under his breath, quickly moving to take his leave.

“Khun! I was waiting-” Leone didn't even get to his sentence, before Khun quickly cut him off.

“Let's go.”

“Huh, but I brought you drinks and-” Khun shot him an icy glare, meaning to put his point across. “-I said, lets go.”

While strutting away, Khun desperately tried calming his racing heart, composure barely holding on and threatening to slip away any second the irregular showed up before his eyes again.

Inside, Khun was reeling, not only in anger at himself, but also in confusion; at these moments, at the exhilaration; at the revelation this may all bring and for this, Khun was more mad at himself than at the other.

Why was he so bothered, so affected by the others' touch?

Khun had always been assured by his ability to remain unfazed by others' attempts to seduce him. He knew he was attractive and exploited this to the fullest; but to fall for another man's advances?

Khun was not only deeply alarmed at his own body, no, he sadly had become too curious now.

The 25th Bam, the irregular slayer candidate - Jyu Viole Grace.

At this point Khun had to see for himself, simply had to try; what was that feeling in his chest?

And so, he devised a plan - a foolish one, perhaps even stupidly childish, but effective regardless. Khun decided on deceiving the other into believing to be intoxicated; not only to decipher his own true feelings under the guise of being drunk, but also to observe how exactly the other would act.

That night, Khun made sure to look the part as he strutted into the balcony, slightly swaying and spraying himself with a perfume so dense, he would be able to smell it from miles away. He spotted Bam from a distance and promptly decided to walk right into his arms.

The irregular stumbled over a breath, arms automatically coming around to embrace the other. “You-” “Ah.” Khun deliriously smiled, pointing up at Bam. “Funny isn't it? Us ending up here again, and again, and again, just to-, to-” He made sure to emphasise his inability to form any coherent sentences; just enough to make it believable. Bam seemed to catch on, implications too obvious for any other outcome.

“Khun, did you drink?” Bam questioned the other, hands firmly grabbing his shoulders. Khun had to laugh internally, and also out loud, lightly trying to swat his hands away. “And even if I did, what does it concern you? Stop pretending to care for me, I can't stand it!”

The irregular frowned, concern evident in his expression and Khun just knew that he had Bam in his grip, badly.

That expression quickly shifted into something more neutral and then, slowly, his corners started lifting, the sparkle in Bams eyes disappearing and something more dark appearing, something more sinister, more desiring, more pleading with Khun to stop and simultaneously never let go again.

It started with Bam slowly increasing the pressure on shoulders he was gripping tightly; at this distance, he was able to feel every single exhale and shift of the boy before him. Their closeness left Khun sizzling with desire, the need to touch Bam back overwhelmingly strong. Softly, Khun sighed; eyes closing, slowly exhaling a low sound in pleasure.

“Tell me to stop,” Bam rasped, grip even stronger than before, roughly pulling the other in.

“Don't stop,” Khun instead whispered into the thick tension between them, electricity sparking and breath mingling. He knew he was spurring the devil on and he loved it.

A beat passed between them, Bam's gaze flicking down to Khuns lips, quivering in anticipation.

And then he just dove right in, crashing their faces together and descending upon Khuns lips. The other felt like he was being eaten alive, wet lips moving together and creating a harmony, unlike anything Khun had ever sexually experienced before.

He felt Bam on him, in him, all around him; shinsu sparking around them with lust and exhilaration. Lightly, a tongue swiped along his bottom lip, silently begging for entry. At the brief contact, Khun gasped out; and Bam used that opportunity to skillfully drag his tongue into Khuns mouth and suck on his tongue instead.

It was incredibly arousing for Khun to have another man tongue-fuck his mouth; nonetheless it being Bam. He moaned unabashedly, the sound getting sucked into the heady space between their lips.

In response, Bams hand moved upwards, lightly cradling Khuns cheek; and Khun felt it in his bones, the overwhelming feeling of safe and everything just falling into place. It was as if the stars had aligned for him, granting him this moment of refuge in the boy before him.

Needing to breathe, Bam lightly pulled his head back, a single string of saliva connecting their gasping mouths. But instead of taking the time to recover, in that slight moment of pulling back, Khun decided to just fuck it all; he grabbed Bams arms and roughly pulled him back in, wildly crashing their lips together and pouring all he had into Bam.

He felt too aroused, too raw to let this moment go that soon.

Bam could only respond with unrestrained passion himself, pressing himself to Khuns body and firmly gripping the back of his head. In that moment, he unconsciously grabbed a handful of his hair, roughly pulling the boy's head upwards, a high-pitched “Ah!” leaving Khuns lips, disconnecting with only a string of saliva connecting them.

Bam made his way down his throat, descending upon the soft skin there. At the contact, Khun was delighted; he felt the burning desire and his body lit up in response, especially down there.

Khun wasn't able to remember the last time he felt this turned on, but he for sure wasn't going to stop now.

The thought that Bam might be the one to interrupt this intimate moment didn't even cross his mind, and when Bam suddenly pulled back, like he had just burnt himself, Khun was left dumbfounded.

The irregular looked at Khun like he was the gravest mistake he had ever committed, like he was heartache.

Irritation bloomed in Khuns chest.

But even more than that, another feeling emerged - disappointment.

Meanwhile Bams breathing fastened, panic rising up in his chest.

Why was he disappointed? Khun didn't know.

“I'm so sorry, Khun- you were under the influence, and yet I-, I-”

Frankly, Khun didn't want to know anymore.

“I'm not.” Khun breathed out, annoyance trickling into his voice. He had enough for today, seen and most certainly did enough.

“What?” Bam looked genuinely taken aback - god, he was so gullible.

“I just pretended to be drunk,” Khun spat out, like it was a matter of fact.

Bams eyes glazed over, lips quivering and looking like - looking like he was just stabbed by someone.

As much as Khun hated Bam, he was not stupid - he was aware when someone genuinely liked him. And thus, he could also make out genuine heartbreak. Khun just shook his head - he couldn't be swayed by this act now. Years passed and he never felt this way before - he would not start to sympathise with that man now.

Instead, Khun brushed his bangs out of his face and fixed the collar of his rumbled white shirt - hopefully he looked more presentable now, and not like it had been a single moment before doing something very undignified.

“Don't look at me like that - I just wanted to test something,” he hissed.

At the lack of Bam's response, Khun tched and rolled his eyes. It was no use to try and argue with this man - you were instantly able to tell he had been raised in a cave.

Or maybe he is just that hurt by your actions, a small whispered in his heart.

Khun could not afford to try and discern what that may mean now. “Well my test has been successful, so I'm gonna go now.”

“Just like that?” Bam breathed.

“Just like that.” Khun smiled, trying to keep up the facade.

And then - silently, two trails of hot tears moved down his cheeks.

Bam was crying.

Khun watched the other in surprise, completely not expecting this kind of reaction. He had never- he never expected this sort of reaction towards him. Bam's expression shifted towards more resigned, frustrated and; Bam was looking at Khun like he was pitying him.

Khun was at a loss of words and then-

“You are not a good person, Aguero,” Bam whispered into the late night.

A beat passed.

Nothing could be heard, the moon above lit peacefully.

And then the night came crashing down.

“Why did you do that?”

Kiseia was looking at him, but also right through him. She didn't bother with caring about dignity, or the family, or anything - she heaved, fury evident in her expression.

Aguero was just staring back at her, blankly.

Because in the end, what even was there to say?

“And for her?” Kiseia laughed in disbelief, as if she couldn't comprehend the words she spoke. And perhaps, Aguero was still struggling to comprehend it himself; yet he already knew it all himself.

Pitiful.

Disgusting.

Aguero saw it all in her expression; she didn't need to speak any further.

Kiseia gazed down on him like the dirt he was; like a used ragdoll, a blind dog, perhaps even a handed down whore. It wasn't the first time in the past twenty hours he had heard people call him by that title. Even his own mother had screamed at him, in accusation of sleeping with this half sister.

Kiseia wasn't too far off with her version of the story either.

Aguero could only breathe; in and out, again and again, slowly and measured. If he didnt focus on his breathing he would either choke on his sin or reveal the truth, and at this point, he didnt know which was worse.

One thing he did know; that this was it for him.

At the lack of a response, Kiseia finally snarled, “You are not a good person, Aguero,”

He carved these words in his chest, because they were the last thing Kiseia would say to him, before he discarded his past and started climbing the Tower.

For some time now, Khun was floating. He wasn't sure for how long, but it must have been a minute.

Fiddling with his fingers, the lightbearer stood somewhere near the gates, hovering and riding the waves of his resurfaced memories. In truth, Khun never had wanted to think back to that moment in his life; thought he had forgotten, the memory pushed away to the very back of his mind.

It was like a nightmare had resurfaced and Khun wanted nothing more than to wake up and realise that maybe; maybe there was a reality where he didn't betray his sister, and didnt have Kiseia despise him, and maybe there even was a reality where his mother might hug him again and his father patted him on the head for a job well done.

Maybe there was a reality like that somewhere.

His was far from it though.

And so Khun found himself agonisingly counting down the minutes until the final test would begin.

Time flowed. Trickled down his spine. Left him waiting and waiting and waiting. For something; somewhere or maybe even somebody.

Khun wasn't sure what the feeling was exactly, but he felt like a part of his soul was missing, something that used to be there and now wasn't anymore. Some part that used to give him hope, some part that maybe even he didn't know was still there.

The test site was empty but Khun didn't really bother to familiarise himself with the surroundings, having a general idea of what was going on already.

“Khun!”

Oh. It was Leone, he noted to himself. Not that Khun particularly cared.

Leone frowned a bit, the corners of his mouth slightly lifting in amusement. “You look a bit…jumbled.” Khun knew the other tried to put up a front of seriousness, even though he was probably about to shit himself from laughter. Instead, he sighed - it was a fruitless attempt, getting him to be serious about something for once. Khun took a deep breath, internally cursing his damn luck.

“Thanks, you too,” he hissed back. Leone actually let out a laugh at that, eyes twinkling. His expression soon turned serious again. “No, I meant it.” Leone inspected his every pore on his pore and then furrowed his brows, deep in thought. “Have you skipped your toner this morning? Your complexion looks a bit dull.”

Never mind.

That made Khun snort, a disbelieving laugh emerging from somewhere deep within. His eyes narrowed in mirth and he crossed his arms, leaning back and half-heartedly smirked.

“Since when have you become a skincare connoisseur?”

Leone stopped in his tracks and halted for a moment, and then Khun knew. He exhaled in amusement. “I see. So that's what you were looking for when we went out.”

Leone smiled back, putting up his arms in defeat. “Ah, got caught.”

Khun shook his head and simply settled for a subtle smile. During this entire interaction, he felt eyes intensely staring at his back and Khun just knew that these golden eyes were very intent on tracking his every movement.

He sighed; Khun wasn't exactly ready to confront the other, but he was at least trying to appear civil and composed in public; even if that meant passing his time with the annoyance of a Poe Bideau.

Suddenly, Bams' voice appeared behind Khun. “Khun.” Against his will, Khuns' heart skipped a beat, and then, started racing right after. This was not what he had planned, not at all. But, regardless - now, he had to face the situation head on.

And so, Khun turned around and faced the irregular. Leone was simply watching them stare at each other, until Bam decided to politely shush the other away.

“Khun.” Despite being called out, Khun remained silent. “Khun, I-”

“-I got it,” the boy hissed; annoyed and obviously starting to be on edge again.

The clock kept clicking absentmindedly.

Suddenly, a screen popped up before Khun. A glowing, floating lighthouse accompanied it, with an announcement ringing through.

“Welcome regulars, to the last and final test here on the 67th floor. Up until now, only two teams managed to reverse the state of the participant into the original disposition.”

Damn, Khun thought to himself. This test was harder than he initially anticipated.

“The final test consists of the test subject answering the specifically allocated question on the screen before you. “You may answer the question yourself or ask one of your companions for you. The question must be answered truthfully during the remaining time of the test.” The voice softly concluded the announcement with a wistful “Good luck.”

Khun continued staring at the screen, eyes narrowing.

“You-” Bam started to speak, but was immediately beaten to it. “-Why were you on the balcony?” Clear intent was evident in Khuns firm voice, so unlike the crestfallen demeanour from earlier.

“Are you asking me?” Bam clarified.

“Yes.” Khun answered with no hesitation.

“I came for you.”

“For me?” Khun snorted in disbelief. “Don't be ridiculous. You laid a trap for me there, didnt you?”

Bam halted, “What?”

Snarling, Khun pointed to him with an air of arrogance. As if he wasn't able to deduce the irregulars true intentions; Khun was far from naive, he knew that, yet something still irked him.

But you were the one to deceive him, no?

His gut feeling was trying to tell him something, something that Khun perhaps knew the entire time yet desperately didn't want to acknowledge. So Khun settled on what he did best; deflect and deny. “Why else would you have been there, lurking around and just waiting to-”

“-Waiting to what?” Bam interrupted him. Khun blinked. “Waiting to what, Khun?” Bam was not letting this go anytime soon, as the firm tone of his voice indicated. Khun didn't remotely know what to respond to and the ensuing silence made Bam seem even more angry.

“Why were you there?” the other hissed out, breath barely audible. Bams' question hung in the air; Khun continued to remain silent. The things that passed between them too fragile; much too delicate to put into simple words.

“Khun, what happened between us-” “Nothing happened between us.”

6 minutes were left.

Bam and Khun continued their stare-down.

“Are you serious?” he asked incredulously.

“How could it have?” Khuns cold gaze swept across Bams face, “I hate you,” he snarled, hatred dripping from his every word.

There were only 2 minutes left.

“Is that it? You just hate me?”

“Yes, I do. I despise all of you.”

“I don't believe it,” Bam curtly responded. Khun icy glare frosted over with disdain, at not being taken seriously; at being challenged and not obeyed to.

Bam directly gazed into Khuns eyes. “You don't hate me, Khun.”

From afar, Leone was already coming over to the two of them.

“Aguero-” the ranker frowned, moving to dissipate the rising tension between the pair, before someone or something could get hurt.

And then- “It's because you're in love with me, aren't you?”

A moment of silence passed.

Leone stopped in his tracks, coming to an utter stillstand. Khuns eyes widened in shock, and then in utter disbelief, at the sheer audacity of this man to suggest something as outrageous as that.

“Me, in love with you?” Khun spat out in disgust.

“And you were afraid I wouldn't like you back, right?” Another step. “That it would change things between us.” Another step. “That we wouldn't be friends anymore, that I would cast you out-”

He saw that Khun was about to snap; his eyes shaking with terror. Putting himself between the two of them, Leone tried to intervene: “Hey! Watch how you speak-”

“Shut up!” Khun harshly interrupted Leone. Pushing him to the side, he directed his fired up gaze at Bam. “There's no need to lie to me. You really think you can fool me into believing I ever liked him?”

Bam was not able to hold it in any longer now.

“Khun, I-”
“Aguero, please listen-”

But Khun wasn't having it.

“No, YOU listen-”
“Guys, wait-”

“I LOVE YOU!”

Suddenly, the entire arena fell deadly silent. The deafening mess of a fight was tuned out, no arguments or howls visible anymore. Not a single peep was to be heard; not even a single chuckle could be made out.

It was truly, utterly silent.

So silent, that Khun wasn't sure if the roaring in his ears had blocked out all the noise around him or if his heart had finally given out for good.

“I love you.” Bam's eyes helplessly conveyed his loss, like he had given up. “I do,” he confirmed again, like he had to make sure to repeat it to himself.

“I really do love you with all I have.” His hands were shaking; sweat was dripping down his forehead, face hot and breath heavy.

“I love the way you never really give up; the way you love to have the last word-” Bam helplessly smiled at the memory, “-and even the way you sometimes just infuriate me yet you still are my safe place.”

“Wait, Bam, stop-” Khun barely exhaled; cold dread creeped down his spine.

“I love you. Just you, not the lightbearer or Khun or even my best friend, I just love you, Khun Aguero Agnis.”

“Hold, on-” Please, just stop; Khun helplessly pleaded in his mind. It was too much, too many memories, too much pain and frustration and desire and confusion-

It all came rushing back to him, in a split second.

Determined, Bam missed the fruitless attempts of his lightbearer to tell him something important, something urgent; something he perhaps should listen to. But instead, he went on, “And I don't care if you hate me, or never remember, or continue to resent me for the rest of our damn lives, because then so be it!” Bam took a step toward Khun and his lightbearer couldn't bear it anymore.

“And I'll never stop chasing you because without you there's no me-”

“-BAM!” Khun screamed out, the dam breaking fully and the last resolve finally broken down.

At the sudden mention of his name, Bam was silently panting, seemingly struck in wonder.

A beat passed between them.

“I-” Khun stumbled over his words, struggling for them to leave his mouth. “Im-”

“Khun?” he breathed out in question, barely audible in the thick tension.

The icy wind blew right past them.

Horrified, Khun whispered: “I remember everything.”

A loud siren was heard - the clock had struck zero. With that, the 67th floor test had officially ended. And Khun couldn't bear any of it any longer - he turned around and bolted towards the exit, right past the shocked and confused faces of his teammates, amidst the lingering fights and gawking regulars, the onlookers and shouting imbeciles - and Bam.

Bam, who he left behind.

Bam, who just told him he loved him.

Bam.

Khuns heart started racing, hot and cold dread making him feel light-headed and dizzy, yet so drained and tired at the same time.

He doesn't love you.

Distantly, he thought he heard someone run after him. But he couldn't be sure; his mind was playing tricks on him because absolutely nothing made sense; Khun was just being spun around in this horrible reality.

You think he is running after the likes of you?

Flashbacks came back to him, memories of all the horrible things he said to Bam.

You truly are less than dirt.

Khun heaved. He felt utterly sick to his stomach; it was as if he was gazing on the dead corpse of his sister once again.

But don't worry, now he has seen the real you anyways, the fickle little voice whispered in his head.

The world blurred around Khun.

You have shown him who you really are; a dirty, little scheming person. Deep down, you were just waiting for him to discover the real you and abandon you, just like her, right?

Khun knew that, he did.

He always knew.

But why did the thought of being left behind still instil such a deep chill in his bones; made it hard to breathe, hard to keep on going, hard to live?

Because that's what you deserve.

He couldn't do it.

He just couldn't do it anymore

Khuns breathing picked up, his vision blurring. He felt his eyes burning, his hands burning, his head, the ground he was walking on; even the shinsu all around him; his world was ablaze and he wasn't able to do anything about it.

How could he go on living without Bam? What would he do, where would he go?

All Khun was able to do was to try and steady his breathing, try to find something, try to hold on, try to breathe, try to-

He heaved again, bile rising to his throat.

He couldn't do it, he couldn't do it, he couldn't do it-

Bam was his everything and he had just destroyed his only reason to live with his own bare hands.

Khun had never felt a panic as intense as in that moment; every breath he took felt like sharp knives were picturing his lungs, cutting him up from the inside. Pain overtook his nervous system and truly, Khun had died countless times by now, but never had he actually felt as close to death as now.

His knees gave out; he collapsed on the floor, vision blurry and his own drool dripping down onto the ground.

In that moment, he wished for nothing more than for death to swallow him.

“Khun!”

NO, not you, please- anybody but you, Khun desperately pleaded in his mind. Panic gripped him by the throat, wasn't allowing him to even move his head to confirm whether he hadn't imagined Bams voice in a pathetic attempt to soothe this aching soul.

“Khun, Khun- please, are you okay?” Bam kneeled next to him, before- “Okay, it's okay- don't worry, Khun, it's going to be okay.”

Nothing was okay, Khun screamed back to the irregular in his head; the only thing that left his mouth however were quick, panicked gasps.

Bam put a gentle hand on the ground next to Khuns own hand, not touching, but close enough for him to feel the heat and presence of the other.

Distantly, he kept hearing soft whispers of reassurance, and then he was gently lying on his side, trying to bring the other back to reality, grounding him.

Khun could only whimper at the fleeting touch, lightly tracing his head. His tears still freely flowed down his cheeks, staining his expression with the sorrow he had been carrying since the day he lost his best friend and the cocoon of love he had never dared to touch until that moment.

Next to him, Bam kept silent.

As time passed, slowly, but surely, Khun regained his breathing. His chest still felt unnaturally tight, but at least he wasn't feeling like he was dying again. Khun didn't know exactly how much time had passed, but he was sure that the test formalities were well over by now.

He gulped.

Khun wasn't sure how he felt about the fact he had missed out on not only the ending announcements, but practically the entire test, seeing as he was not exactly in his right mind. Endorsi, Hatz, Rak, Shibisu - they were all there, front and centre, to witness the ultimate disgrace of a Khun.

And it wasn't just that - they all saw.

Not just Bam- everyone in their vicinity and even outside of it, even the test administrator and people from the floor and Leone and his team and-

Everyone had witnessed what just transpired between Bam and Khun.

Khun felt like he was about to lose his mind, every semblance of control slipping from his fingers again. Bam immediately noticed the others impending panic and decided to intervene, meaning to calm the boy, do anything to make him feel safe and in control again and just himself.

This time, Bam decided to place a comforting hand on the other's shoulder, light pressure grounding Khun into taking deeper breaths again. Bam whispered, “It's going to be okay, mh?”, smiling at the lightbearer and motioning to his chest, mimicking a deep breath.

Khun pretended not to notice the sweat dripping down his forehead.

“Are you feeling better by now?” Bam questioned the other, worry evident in his features, and Khun knew that Bam only meant well, but goddamn, he just felt worse knowing that this boy was so concerned over Khuns wellbeing after he had treated him like dirt for the past two weeks.

Khun didn't even bother answering, couldn't bring himself to even face the irregular before him. It definitely didn't help when Bam tried to lift Khuns chin by himself, probably thinking the other was too drained or tired to initiate any bodily reaction.

At the warm touch, Khuns body seemingly reached all by itself. “---!” Khun jerked back, falling on his butt and leaning back as far as humanly possible. If he was able, he would have definitely escaped with a lighthouse by now; but as it stands at this current moment, all he was able to do was suppress a pained whimper and lower his head into his knees again.

All he wanted to be was left alone.

“Khun?”

Stop it already.

Bam sounded like he was properly concerned now and Khun just wasn't able to handle it on his own. He grew irritated, angry even; at the situation, the universe, his damn twisted fate that always brought him into these hilariously pathetic situations, over and over and over again.

Bam tried, he tried to find a way to Khun.“Do you feel any-”

“-Stop pitying me!”

Khuns stormy gaze found Bams, sharply cutting through any leftover worry. Suddenly, and abruptly, the lightbearer sat up, slightly wobbly, but determined nonetheless. He marched over to Bam, to-, to-

He didn't even know what he was trying to achieve.

His body just moved on his own, as if detached from his brain and acting on instinct alone, but Khun was never one to place any trust in his instinct. From birth, he was moulded to purely act on calculations and logic; this was unchartered territory for the boy.

Standing before Bam, he was heaving in anger, but didnt even know how to express it, give it room and space to fully develop - so he firmly latched onto the front of his shirt, and firmly gripped it in his narrowed fists.

Khun felt like a helpless little child, stranded without his mother to guide him.

A deep sigh left Bam's mouth, resignation practically oozing off of him. “I don't want to fight you, Khun,” he whispered into the space before them. That just made Khun more angry; he felt so out of loop, so vulnerable and Bam was just sighing before him, seemingly completely in control.

Khuns fists tightened.

“Why?” He hissed out, voice shaking; he held distress like a cup.

His knuckles gripped the fabric before him, almost ripping into his shirt, and before he knew it, his reflexes took over, ones that he wasn't even aware existed within him before.

And then - a first fist collided with Bams chest; a desperate attempt to entice any reaction from the boy.

Khuns fist struck, again and again yet never seemed to satisfy the growing itch rapidly growing within him and the fact that even the simple act of hitting something with your fist wasn't able to soothe Khun just threw him over the edge.

“Why?” Khun cried out, frustration and disappointment at himself evident in his voice.

Bams brows knitted, he silently kept his gaze firmly trained on the fist colliding with his rib cage. And Khun just knew that the other was tolerating his behaviour only because the impact wasn't even enough to be considered a threat and Bam would do absolutely anything to help him through his.

And this frustrated the lightbearer even more.

Thus, Khun kept hitting Bam. Because it didn't hurt him Bam at all. And both of them knew.

“Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?”

Bam looked drained, yet allowed Khun to hit him over and over again, simply letting his body be shaken like a ragdoll.

Every word stabbed Khun further in his own chest; voice rising not only in pitch but also in despair. Deep down, Khun knew; he knew it was childish, knew it was utterly ridiculous to keep hitting Bam like this but it was all he knew to do.

He didn't know what else to do.

Suddenly, Bam gripped both his wrists, pulling them into his chest, anguish written all over him. He visibly bit his tongue, debating whether to speak up, but Khun knew Bam too well, and so he knew that he was going to tear the bandaid off and speak his mind freely.

“You are crying,” Bam rasped out.

Oh.

Khun hadn't even noticed.

Two silent streams made their way down his flushed cheeks; and Khun was too distracted to even properly notice the wetness, right there on his face.

How pathetic.

Bam frowned, hand tilting up to brush the tears away from Khuns face; but midway, he stopped, letting his hand hover, undecided, and yet settling on retrieving and taking it back.

Khun followed the other intently, and decided to just rip the bandaid off. “Remember what you said on the balcony?”

Bam nodded.

“That I was a bad person?”

At the reminder, his face dropped, guilt immediately taking over.

Khun took a deep breath and, “Those were exactly Kiseias last words she said to me before I left home.”

For a few moments, Khuns words simply hang in the air, before Bam jumped to apologise.

“Khun, I'm so-”

“-Don't say sorry. I deserve it.” Somberly, and perhaps in irony, Khun smiled at himself.

“Khun,” Bam breathed in pain for his closest friend.

But Khun paid him no mind; it was nothing new anyway, not anymore - he was accustomed to the pain of never having something belong to him in the first place.

Overtime, the hot ache only became a numb sting.

“For years I watched you belong to someone else.”

Tears were streaming down his face, but not once did he make a move to wipe them.

After all he didn't deserve even one inch of Bams pity; he was the one who made him go through all that in the first place. So what worth would these tears even have? All he could hope was that they were not visible with his hair conveniently hiding the evidence.

In an ironic chuckle, Khun cast his gaze downwards, bangs obscuring his view.

“You belong to them, not me.”

His eyes glazed over with the burning pain his heart had been carrying for years now, finally opening the dam once and for all. He couldn't even see anything anymore with how fast the hot tears were streaming down his flushed cheeks.

Despite his body's reactions, Khuns expressions remained as neutral as ever; voice not betraying a hint of his inner sorrow. It was just like back then; when he was bleeding on the ground, beaten by his sister; utterly mutilated but with an everlasting smile on his face.

Finally, Khun whispered; “It's too much of a sin to bear, having you love me.”

The irregular made no immediate move to respond, instead clenching his fists and trembling corners. After a few moments, he settled on whispering to Khun, intimate and like a small confession, “Is it that sinful that I just wanted you to be mine?”

But Khun knew, he witnessed it with his own being: Bam's heart was simply too big for him, his sincerity too bright for the darkness in Khuns fickle soul - it simply was not possible.

Someone like Bam belonged up there, carried by the bones of all the corpses he had laid for him; Khun was always meant to drown in the grave he built for himself long ago.

He knew it when Roen died, knew when Dowon left Cha, knew even in fairytales, that story of Icarus chasing her love and remaining content in the shadows of never being known.

From afar, Khun was content.

His love wasn't a burden.

He wasn't a burden, destined to drag the one he loved behind, or worse, become a target for him.

Bam took a step closer, shaking his head in denial, hoping to reach Khun somehow. “Why not?” the irregular whispered, something akin to hope creeping into his voice.

It made Khun want to throw up.

It also made Khun want to kiss Bam senseless and never, ever let go again.

Brows furrowed, not only at the silence but also at the coldness seeping off of Khun, Bam continued to reach out to his lightbearer, one way or another. “Why can't I be yours?” His voice gained confidence, rising and leaving Khun shaking, with the doors his question was opening.

Doors, Khun simply never allowed himself to consider.

Doors, capable of finally making him step into the unknown.

Doors, possibly opening to his utter ruin.

Khun concluded that he couldn't keep delaying the inevitable; he knew Bam was stubborn and wouldn't let him go, now that he had him in his grasp. And so, he finally reached the one truth, too hurtful but necessary for Bam to open his eyes to reality. Khun braced himself, and then-

“Bam, I can't keep up,” he whispered, voice cracking in the end. A weight was finally lifted from his chest - yet left a hole gaping in despair. Gazing away from the intense stare before him, Khun lowered his head, bangs conveniently obscuring his expression.

Khun continued, “How many times have I already dragged you down? How many times did you need to come save us, save me from danger?”

White, hot shame rose in his chest - how utterly pathetic.

Khuns fists gripped in tension, old guilt still weighing him down - but he needed this, needed the reminder that he shouldnt get greedy, shouldn't desire more, that this was enough. Finally, Khun admitted this, not only to himself, this dirty, hidden truth he had acknowledged a very long time ago; but also to Bam.

“I couldn't live with myself, knowing that by being mine I became another target on your back.”

Despite this very uncomfortable emotional vulnerability, Khun refused to look up; afraid to see what might be swimming in these beloved golden eyes of his.

Meanwhile, Bam took a step close, closer to the shaking leaf before him. Khun, completely engrossed in his deprecating thoughts, only noticed the closeness when Bams shoes suddenly appeared before him, tips of their shoes grazing each other.

His heart skipped a beat; Khun knew, if he lifted his head now, Bams lips would be mere inches away from his and the mere thought of that exhilarated, yet also completely terrified him. From above him, Khun was able to make out every twitch, every breath taken by the other. It sent shivers down his spine, heart beating and blood racing; Khun felt alive.

A rasp emerged from somewhere a bit too close to Khuns ear, hot puffs of air caressing his earlobe. “What if I wanted you to be mine as well?” Bam's voice wasnt loud, or overbearing or holding any kind of judgement - he simply spoke with a sense of fondness, perhaps even curiosity?

Khun gulped down the nervousness and simply shook his head in denial, again.

Their closeness wasn't making it exactly easy for Khun to remain firm in his intentions. Mercilessly, Bam continued, “I know the way you love, Khun. Your love isn't loud, isn't overbearing or the kind you need to shout from a rooftop-”

Suddenly Bam chuckled, in mirth; perhaps at a fond memory? Maybe something silly? Khun would've liked to know too, maybe smile right there with him, forget about the conversation and simply celebrate another test passed.

But this was real, this Bam was real and very cruelly gazing at Khun, like he personally hung the stars in the sky.

“-your kind of love has always been there, right there with and trailing alongside me, as long as I can remember.”

At this, Khun frowned, frustration evident.

Because I was able to keep it for myself, never burdening you even once.

He knew, he knew this, yet still wouldn't allow it. He wouldn't be responsible for Bams downfall, simply couldn't be.

He was supposed to be his lightbearer, dammit.

Evidently, Khun grasped Bams hand, that had sneakily found his way to Khuns shoulder, firmly applying a pressure that spelled out “Bam, no.” He also told him that to his face, just in case Bam didn't get it or simply decided he didn't want to get the memo.

And of course Bam didn't just take it.

“Why does it have to change?” Because I can't keep you safe like this. “Why can't you love me just like you?” Because it will never be enough for me.

Instead, Khun settled on the worst thing he could have probably said instead. “Because it's wrong, Bam, don't you get it?” Slapping his hand away from his body, like a hot iron, Khun snapped his head up and decided to just screw it all.

“Love is a cursed thing in this damned tower!” he heaved out. “Don't you see, this test even is proof of exactly that!”

For once, he felt like there was no end to this love, damning him to keep suffering like this. “How can you say you love me when you know it's bound to only hurt us in the end?”

Muddy, like an abandoned lake somewhere along a forgotten trail - that's how Khun envisioned his love would end up as.

A beat passed.

A bird flew by.

And yet today, the person he loved, right in front of him, was clear, like serenity.

Like everything he had ever wished for.

“Because I love you, Khun.”

Like a dream come true.

And Bam; at facing the lightbearer, his Bam decided on just being him. And he was the kind of person that was the most radiant by simply embracing life, like it was a gift to him. Like this love was a gift bestowed by the heavens.

“Despite it all, I simply love you, and nothing more. And if that is against the tower's rules, then I will gladly be a sinner.”

“I-” Khun didn't know how long he was able to withstand this warmth, softly persuading him to a path more gentle, more kind to him. After all, he never knew what the benefits of sunlight were - Khuns were awfully pale and feared the sun more than anything.

It was a known fact that most Khuns were only comfortable in the shadows.

“Even if you don't love me anymore, I have vowed to stay by your side, and I am sorry it took me so long to realise, truly, but-”

But Khun wasn't anymore.

Once he stepped out into the sunlight, he never knew how he had lived without it before.

“-I do love you,” Khun cried out, “From the moment I met you, I have loved you.”

He sobbed like a child, in his mothers arms and safe from the world around him.

He sobbed like it was the world ending and crashing around him, like death personally swallowed him whole and spat him out again.

He sobbed like the day he lost his dearest friend, quiet and alone, hiding away and tearing his throat apart in sorrow.

But today, he sobbed like he had just emerged from that deep, dark place and finally got to see the world for its beauty. It was like stepping out into that warm, golden field once again - only, that he wasn't alone anymore.

Bam held him tightly, like he couldn't bear to ever let go.

And he didn't.

Khun felt safe, like he was being allowed to breathe for the first time since he left his family's home, disgraced and abandoned; since Jyu Viole Grace returned to him as the 25th Bam, golden eyes sparkling at their heartfelt reunion.

And Bam was looking at him like that as well; like Khun personally hung the stars and moon in the shinsu sky, golden specks twinkling in delight.

Ah.

There it was.

The gold he so dearly loved.

Khun breathed out, feeling entirely overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of his pent up emotions now finally breaking out of the dam. A warm touch startled him right out of his thoughts; a warm and kind touch embraced his left cheek, soft and delicate.

Khun gazed up and Bam, he was so close to him.

His eyes flicked down, at the perfect rosy lips just a breath away from his. Their lips slightly grazed each other; it was electrifying, the pent up energy and emotional turmoil intensifying every move, the desire to kiss and touch and feel the other entirely overwhelming, but Bam knew, he knew it was too much too soon, and Khun knew too, he knew he wasn't ready yet, too early for regret again.

And so, their lips slowly inched away from each other.

Heavy pants turned into little gasps of wonder.

Khuns gaze was cast downwards, firmly focused on their intertwined fingers. He allowed himself a small smile, his heart beating uncontrollably at the reality that this was real, he really got to have this. Bam helplessly watched his lover gaze on their united hands, fondly tracing Khuns knuckles.

“It's okay.” His eyes were swimming in vulnerability, “We've got time. No need to rush anything, right?”

Despite wanting to do the very opposite, Khun agreed, “Right.” He knew that it wasn't over at all; in actuality, they would need to talk even more, and devise some contingency plans if the public were to learn of their love, and-

“Khun?”

He was pulled right out of his thoughts and ah, he might have wanted to get used to this, this radiant glow on Bam.

The irregular smiled at his lightbearer, and slowly, but surely, Khun started to believe it, that it might be alright. Even though there were a million more things to discuss, a million more things to consider and settle, Khun felt like he had just come home.

And he decided, right there, that he didn't want to give this feeling up.

Somewhere along his journey, he thought his dedication had become a curse to him; but Bam always was worth it and he so effortlessly lifted the fog that had been clouding Khuns view for some time now. And even though things were far from okay, Khun had a feeling, a tiny spark, that they would make it okay somehow.

“Yeah?”

Bam reached out his hand to Khun, like the other did to him, once upon a time.

“Promise to be with me?”

Khun took his hand.

“Promise.”

*

That very night, Hwaryun decided to visit the bar again.

A tall, lean man approached the red witch, slumping down in the seat next to her.

“Well, If it isn't my favourite guide!”

Her eyes narrowed.

“Poe Bideau Leone, what a surprise.”

The ranker gestured to the bartender, ordering a drink. Hwaryun paid him no mind; instead, she continued to inspect the footage she had just received from her informant, stopping at one particular image.

Leone scooted closer to the woman, taking a sip from her drink, instead of patiently waiting for his own. He let out an amused breath, “Nice pic you got there,” Leone smirked.

Knowingly, the guide returned a loopsided grin to the Poe Bideau. “My god finally decided it was time to grow up a bit.”

“Decided or you decided for him?”

Hwaryun's eyes lit up in delight. Gazing at the image before her, she internally decided that her god indeed looked better in blue.

“It's a group effort, no?”

Leones pocket pinged; a transaction was completed.

2.500.000 million points have been successfully transferred to your account.

The ranker downed the rest of the guide's drink, and rested his head on his hand, gazing at the couple in the photo. “Indeed it is.”

Hwaryun smiled at her pocket.

Seems like her god would need her guidance a little while longer.