Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I call us part dread, part song part story, part wrong. 

We built our castles in each other out of splintered spine and blood.

We met in grief and were held together by its mud.

Took crowns made of bones. placed it on each others heads.

We loved each other with fragments of ourselves that were dead.

Perhaps in a different universe we would meet so much better

- Nikita Gill

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It had been two seemingly long weeks since they arrived in Jackson. The towns locally elected council allowing Ellie and Joel a couple of weeks to settle in before aligning them onto any rota and setting them to work. The period of settlement was entirely needed, it did take a while for the pair to adjust to this new way of life. It was strange, to not have to constantly look over their shoulders for danger. It was peaceful and that was something they both needed to get used to.

"Ellie!" Joel called out from the bottom of the stairs. It was Ellie's first day starting the school that had been set up in the community. With Jackson only having a population of around three hundred, the school wasn't particularly big. It probably only held around fifty pupils from the ages of six to sixteen. Maria suggested that it would be a good idea for Ellie to enroll to give her the chance to mix with people of her own age rather than being glued to Joel's side as she had been so far. Ellie however, was not enthralled with the idea - fitting in was never her forte.

"I'm up and ready." The girl groaned with her usual teenage attitude punctuating each word. She thumped down the stairs and purposefully brushed past Joel heading into the kitchen. She still hadn't quite returned to the old Ellie but after all that had happened in the previous six months, who could blame her? She often brought up what happened at the hospital with Joel, she could sense something was off but was unable to pinpoint what it was exactly and Joel remained entirely faithful to his story- even if it did hurt to lie to each time but in his mind, it was for the best.

Joel followed her but stopped, leaning in the doorway. Ellie could sense him standing there, lingering. She huffed with a roll of the eyes as he began to speak.

"Look, I know you ain't happy about this but it's for the best."  

She raised her eyebrows "I don't get why I couldn't just get posted somewhere. Like, I could help with the animals or something- I'd actually be useful then."

Joel sighed and adjusted himself so that one arm propped him up against the frame. "Because you're a kid and you should be around other kids," he paused as he glanced up at the clock "You better get goin', you're gonna be late."

Ellie huffed as she flung her backpack over her shoulder and headed towards the front door. She paused for a brief moment looking back, a hint of concern slowly seeping into her tone "Will you be here when I get home?" she asked.

It had become a rather obvious fear for her, as much as she would refuse to admit to it. The fear that he would leave her here alone. The fear that he would act upon what he had said when they first came upon Jackson back at the start of winter. That he would pack up and go, not that she was sure on where he would even run to nowadays, his life was right there in Jackson.

Joel at rubbed his eyes "Depends what Tommy has in store for me but I'll be back before dark."

—----------------------------------------------

He watched at the front door, watching the young girl reluctantly trudge her way towards the school house. He had been in two minds to walk her down himself. To ensure she actually turned up but ultimately, he needed to give her that independence. He needed to trust her- or at least act like he does.

A mental note made to drop by the school later on that day to check with one of the staff that she had actually attended. 

Once he was certain that Ellie had actually left the house and made her way to the school, he moved on with his day. It wasn't just Ellie's first day being a part of the community, the two week settlement period was over and Joel also needed to become an active part of the community in order to secure his place in Jackson. It felt hypocritical having forced Ellie to mingle with the community when in actual fact, the thought of having to meet new people and socialise himself made him want to gouge his own eyes out.

He made his way over to Tommy's to find out more about where he was going to fit into the day to day runnings of the place. He knocked on the door and was greeted by Maria. The woman forced a smile onto her face but the direct  abrasion was still very much present in her dark eyes.

 "Come in." She spoke as she moved aside to allow him entry to her home. Even before he and Ellie became permanent residents it was clear that the woman did not trust him but the pair had a silent agreement to be civil for Tommy. 

He had to admit, she wasn't the sort of woman he had imagined his brother settling down with... Pre-outbreak and even in Boston, Tommy appeared to have a specific type. Women who appeared to be a little loose and promiscuous... Not like Maria.

Joel gave her a slight nod before moving past her to meet Tommy in the living area.

"Mornin'." Tommy grinned as his brother entered the room.

Joel took in a deep breath before responding "mornin'."

"How's Ellie? Has she accepted being enrolled in the school?" The brother continued to ask.

Joel scoffed "I'm still yet to meet a teenager excited about school but she's there so that's a win I'm willin' to take."

Tommy chuckled "N' how are you settling' in?"

He sighed "Uh yeah, I'm gettin' there. It's just a lot to get used to...in a good way though."

Tommy nodded in response. He understood exactly what Joel meant. This place was the closest thing to normality either of them had seen in many years. It was a lot to adjust to after twenty years of trauma with everything and everyone looking for a reason to harm you.

"Anyway," Joel continued "I'm hopin' you're about to tell me how I can be useful 'round here."

Tommy smiled "I am. Maria and I met with the council last week to discuss where you would be best fitted. Your past with construction will certainly come in handy so you'll mainly be helping out with buildin' repairs and maintenance of the dams but the fact you single handedly managed to get both yourself and Ellie from Boston to here alive also stood out so you've also been appointed to be on watch once a week and then also eventually patrol once a week. How does that sound?"

Joel bobbed his head in agreement "Okay. When do I start?" 

Tommy took in a deep breath "So with Maria approachin' her third trimester, it's been decided that it's best for her to take a step back on certain tasks meaning we are a person short on the Monday night watch..." he trailed off.

Joel's brows furrowed as he put two and two together. "Tonight?"

"Yeah, tonight. Nine PM 'til four AM."

Joel sighed "Ellie won't stay in the house on her own overnight at least not at the moment."

Ellie's nightmares had been prominent since what happened at the resort. They were slowly becoming less but nevertheless they were still there and most nights she would wake up in episodes of blind panic with a sheen of cold sweat and frantic tears streaking her cheeks. Joel hoped that now being in a secure environment with a place to call home the anxiety and nightmares would reduce but only time would tell.

"There's still a few months before the baby arrives and we've got a spare room, Ellie can stay with us on Mondays until she feels comfortable staying on her own." Maria chimed in as she listened into their conversation from the next room.

Tommy gave him a desperate look as if to say 'please'.

The eldest Miller let out another huff of air. He could feel his brothers Wife's eyes boring into the back of his head. "I'll speak to Ellie when she's back and send her over."

Tommy nodded to him "Thank you. You'll be stationed on the south side of the wall. All you need to do is keep watch. If you see infected, shoot. Not infected, alert one of the patrols and they'll check it out from the ground." He paused as Joel nodded along, "We pair people up on both patrol and watch so your partner on a Monday will be Ava."

"Where do I get a gun?" Joel's gun was once again taken from him when he arrived back in Jackson and since arriving he hadn't had any reason to use one. It was strange to start with not being armed, he felt almost vulnerable. Waking up with his own nightmares and reflexes had him feeling around the bed for his pistol for it to not be there.

"Lucky for you Ava is one of the main helpers in the shop so she'll sort you out. All you gotta do is turn up."

The shop wasn't a shop as such but more like a rental service of survival gear for leaving the community. Whatever was taken out had to be returned once finished with. Every now and again, they would send groups out to go scavenging and anything that wasn't seen as a necessity would then be available for trade. These items would also be held at the shop.

He'd wandered in there once or twice since arriving although he had to admit that he hadn't really paid much attention to who was serving behind the counter. Any form of eye contact could result in forced small talk which he certainly would try to avoid where possible.

Joel nodded in response "Okay." 

—------------------

As the morning bled into the afternoon, the cool air warmed. Spring was well and truly underway. Ellie pushed her way through the door and shrugged her back pack onto the floor. She moved her way into the kitchen grabbing an apple from the side and then pulling a chair out from the table across from where Joel was already sitting.

"How was it?" He asked her as he set down his cup of coffee

"Eh." She responded as she took a bite from the apple she took. Fresh fruit was another perk of the place. It was something of a delicacy in the quarantine zones but yet here, it was available in an abundance. Apples, pairs, berries and more. The green houses made it easier to grow certain fruits throughout the year.

"Informative." He replied flatly, a hint of sarcasm presenting itself before continuing "Make any friends?"

Ellie rolled her eyes and raised her eyebrows as a response. That was all she needed to do in order to answer that question. She finished chewing before expressing her real concern, "It's getting warmer out... am I really gonna have to wear long sleeves throughout the Summer?"

"People can't see your arm, Kid-"

Ellie was quick to interrupt him "- or I risk being shot. Yeah, I know that."

Joel sighed again rubbing a palm across his head "Look, we'll figure somethin' out."

Ellie's condition was still a matter that was kept between the two of them and Tommy although Joel had reason to believe that Maria was now privy to the information also. There was just no way of knowing how others would react if they found out and it wasn't something worth risking, not when they've made it all this way.

They sat in silence for a couple of seconds before Ellie moved the subject on.

"You find out what you're going to be doing?" she asked.

Joel looked up thankful that she was initiating the conversation "Uh yeah. Mostly helping out with building repairs and occasionally having to maintain the dam. Also have to do a watch shift once a week and then maybe an on foot patrol later on down the line…"

"Sounds like they're definitely making you pay your way around here. When do you start?"

He swirled the last bits of the coffee around his cup. He knew Ellie was not going to be particularly happy with the Monday night arrangements. "They need me to do a watch... tonight."

Ellie's brow furrowed "What time will you be back?" she probed.

He pursed his lips slightly, knowing full well she was going to interrupt "The shift finishes at four in the morning…"

Right on queue Ellie blurted out "Four in the morning?! Nooo, I'm not staying here on my own overnight. I'm coming with you!"

"No, you're not. You have school in the morning'." He retorted "You'll be going over to Tommy's after dinner."

"Seriously?!" The teenager exclaimed with a huff, unimpressed at the idea that she'd have to stay anywhere other that the room she had claimed as hers.

"Yeah, serious. Go 'n pack your things. I'll get dinner started." 

With that, Ellie let out another huff. Pushing her chair out and standing to walk towards the doorway leading to the stairs. "Try not to burn it this time..." She smirked back at him.

Cooking was never his thing. Heating up a can of ravioli was one thing but cooking something from scratch wasn't something he had much practice with over the past twenty years and even before then his culinary skills were somewhat limited. This often resulted in a slightly overdone or occasionally underdone meal. Joel raised an eyebrow at her and shook his head.

—------------———————————————————

With just a few grumbles but overall not too much of a fuss, Joel managed to get Ellie over to Tommy's with her things. Maria assured him that she'd make sure Ellie made it to the school gates in the morning so he could get some sleep. The one positive thing about doing a night watch was that he wouldn't be rota'd to do anything the next day. 

All in all, the work week was pretty fair. Normal circumstances meant that each person worked five days a week and then had two days off - it was much better than the QZ and even pre-apocalypse he often found himself working six, sometimes even seven days a week to make ends meet.

He arrived at his look out post a little early, the shift before had just left and his partner was yet to arrive but he figured from his conversation with Tommy earlier that she was probably sorting the other guys out with their guns at the shop.

Joel made himself comfortable sitting on the concrete surface, back against the wall. The spot had a good view of the surroundings- it should be fairly easy to spot anything approaching the community. He let the back of his head rest against the hard surface behind him. He understood why they paired people but he wasn't a particularly social being and would have been more than happy and capable to do the watch on his own.

After around twenty minutes he was alerted to the sound of footsteps quickly making there way up the steps to the post. A mere thirty seconds later a woman hurried around the corner holding two shotguns. 

The woman was fairly petite with pale blonde hair that sat at her shoulders. She wore a pair of khaki cargo pants that sat across her hips with a long sleeved black top that seemed to fit rather snuggly around her bust. He made a conscious effort not to ogle but shit, she was attractive. For fuck sake.

Joel eventually turned his head to look at her properly, not saying anything as a pair of big umber eyes flicked back at him. Features so soft and feminine. "I am so sorry I'm a little late, there was an issue at the shop and then that put me behind and the guy from the east post was-" she trailed off once she realized that he didn't particularly care for her story. 

She threw one of the shot guns at him to which he scrambled to catch with surprise. She seemed a little chaotic as far as first impressions go... He didn't like chaos- he wanted peace.

The woman swiftly slipped down beside him, a little closer than what made him feel comfortable as he could feel her body heat radiating off of her, making him swallow thickly. She extended her hand out to him "Ava. Sorry, it's been a bit of a rush this evening."

He glanced down at the hand offered before reluctantly grasping it with his own and providing a firm shake out of politeness. 

"Joel." He introduced, being quick to drop her grip and divert his attention back out to the distant horizon. 

It all felt very forced, the way he coerced his attention to a singular tree in the distance. An unfamiliar yet uncomfortable tightness within him that didn't seem to ease. Oh god, how he wanted it to go away so he could at least kind of relax. He hated socialising and usually it came so naturally for him to avoid it but she looked like that and was sat so close. He didn’t know this woman from Adam but there was this small, stupid, ridiculous part of him that wanted to know about her. 

He almost audibly grunted to himself but managed to catch himself. If he ignored it long enough, it would go away... Out of all the people he could have been paired with in this damn place, why was it someone like her?

Chapter Text

The air became crisp as the darkness of the night sky settled in for its shift. Whilst it was the season of spring, the nights still brought a significant and bitter temperature drop to the town. Ava rummaged through her canvas backpack and pulled out a fleece lined winter coat that she quickly wrapped around herself.

"It's still pretty cold, huh?" Ava spoke as she toggled with the zip, dragging it up and over her chest.

All she got as a response was a slight nod. She had tried to encourage conversation a few times over the past couple of hours but to no avail. She was either responded to by either a nod or a one worded answer that shut the conversation down entirely. She had been warned of his rather reserved mannerisms but she was determined to crack him by the end of the shift.

"You're not much of a talker, are you?" She asked.

Joel sighed, a not so silent wish to be left in peace. "Just not a fan of small talk, that's all."

Ava smirked "I think that's the longest sentence you've spoken all evening."

He scoffed, turning his head back out to the surroundings. Not much had happened so far. He wasn't sure what he was expecting since they were pretty distant from any other settlement.

The woman squinted her eyes at him, intent on getting some sort of conversation out of him. Everyone had a breaking point. "Tell me about yourself." 

His response was short and stern "No." 

Ava raised her eyebrows at him and then tilted her head against the wall. "Mystery man…" she muttered to herself. 

This was going to be a painful seven hours each Monday if he kept the silent act going. Maria had become a close friend of Ava's and the night shift became an enjoyable experience as they chatted and gossiped to pass time. This shift felt like it was going to last much longer. 

The atmosphere between the two felt heavy, forced almost. As if the more determined she was to get to know him, the more hell bent he was on shutting down completely.

"Look, I'm just trying to pass the time. The next five hours are going to be very long if we sit here in total silence." She stated resting her arms on her knees. What was his problem?

Joel let out another sigh and looked downward to the concrete beneath him. She was right, the awkward silence and her attempts at conversation was not a comfortable scenario for him. After all, this was going to be a weekly occurrence. Was he really planning on being stand offish with the poor girl each time? 

"Is it always this quiet?" he asked, still avoiding any sort of eye contact with the woman beside him.

Finally, she thought as she forced back a victorious grin, "Yeah, it's not particularly action packed I'm afraid."

He bobbed his eyebrows "I just assumed that with the amount of people stationed, there would be somethin'…" 

Ava nodded slightly "Can never be too careful I guess."

She pulled her back pack over to her feet and once again began rummaging through, this time pulling out a bag of crackers. She took one for herself and then offered the bag over to Joel to be polite. She expected him to decline and she was correct in her assumption. She stuffed the bag back into her pack and swallowed the food in her mouth.

"Texas?" She questioned.

It caught Joel off guard as he raised an eyebrow at her, his head unintentionally snapping around to her. Those almond eyes all inquisitive with an almost smug smirk on those plump pink lips. He swallowed thickly as he dragged his focus away from her goddamn pretty mouth and back over to the tree line ahead. This was going to be torturous...

"Your accent. You're originally from Texas, right?" She expanded, the grin only expanding upon noticing his discomfited demeanour.

"Uh pre-outbreak, yeah." He paused for a second before returning the question, again, just out of politeness and it being deemed as a social norm- something he knew he needed to become more fluent with. "Yourself?"

"Washington, Seattle." She confirmed.

Both decided not to press any further on back stories but over the next couple of hours light conversation did start to pick up. 

To his surprise Ava actually seemed genuinely nice, not all as chaotic as he first thought. She was easy to talk to, frustratingly so. Gradually his guarded wall came down, brick by brick. He'd encouraged Ellie to make friends after all, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if this woman became a friend? Just a friend, nothing more...

It approached two in the morning when Joel stood up to stretch his legs, knees creaking as he straightened up from his seated position on the floor. He walked over to the edge of the wall, leaning slightly on the rail to simply admire the scenery in front. There wasn't all that much to see in the dark but he could imagine it being a novelty in the daylight hours with the skyline decorated by mountains with a sea of trees fading into grasslands as it approached Jackson. He was about to turn back around when he caught movement in his peripheral vision. He squinted in the direction trying to make out what it was but the lack of light made it increasingly difficult to get a good look.

"What?" Ava asked directly as she clocked onto him looking at something in the distance.

"Can you pass me the binoculars?" He asked with his arm reaching back and palm opened, not taking his eyes off the movement in the near distance.

She pulled the binoculars from her back pack whilst pulling herself to her feet and handed them over to Joel, joining him at his side. Her fingers accidentally brushing against his during the exchange causing him to flinch and her own hand to snatch away.

He peered into the binoculars to get a better look at what was approaching. Once the lense came into focus, he could see that it was a lone runner. It must have been infected in a nearby settlement and wandered a little far out. The infection was clear on its greying mottled skin as it ambled about towards the community, as if it was trying to sniff out the smell of untainted blood.

"Infected." Joel stated flatly, still staring into the binoculars to keep sights on the approaching target "Infected means straight to shootin', right?"

"Yeah, we can go ahead and shoot it. No need to inform anyone first." Ava confirmed with an agreeing smile.

"If it just moves a little closer, I reckon I can get a headshot…" He verbalized, his voice was calm and calculating, eyes still glued to the fungal infected being below.

Bang.

Before he could say anything further, a gunshot went off next to him. He took a quick double look- after involuntarily flinching, of course- at the woman next to him before looking back into the lense. The infected fell limply to the floor in a pool of its blackened blood. Joel moved the binoculars away from his face and rested his arms on the railing in front. He turned to face Ava, his eyebrows raised with a slight bow of the head. Impressive.

She smirked at him with an almost taunting expression as she rubbed her little victory in, "You know, I think that was a headshot…"

"Impressive shot." he nodded.

She knew that was a headshot. She winked at him, enjoying his slightly softened demeanour before sauntering back to her original spot. 

He watched her walk back, the irreverent wink alongside the sway of her hips had him praying to the lord for mercy. This was not good.

He scoffed to himself at his own ridiculousness. Acting like he had never seen a damn woman before.

"Lucky shot…" He called out after her, a good chunk of his self control gone as the taunt involuntarily spilled from his tongue.

She was quick to whip her head round. The smug smirk still on her face this time with a raised eyebrow and her tone filled with sarcasm "Oh yeah, luck. That's definitely what it was…"

He chuckled at her sarcasm before following her back to the spot where they were sat mere minutes before.

"There you go." She started with a simper before continuing, "your action moment for the night."

"You took my glory moment away from me." He smirked.

Ava let out a small laugh, her face exaggeratedly tilting back before offering a rather coy look, "Your glory moment? Pfft, I'll let you get the next one."

—------—————————————————————

The night was quiet and the rest of the shift was pretty uneventful. Conversation continued to flow between the two of them, passing the time a little quicker than the start of the shift. Joel even surprised himself with the amount he actually spoke, although he remained very careful not to share anything about his past and how he got to this point. Ava shared a little more but nothing that revealed much about her journey either. 

Before long, four AM arrived and the digital alarm strapped to the blondes arm began to ring. The sun had just started to rise giving the sky a slightly lighter blue hue. Ava yawned as she got to her feet stuffing her belongings back into her pack.

"That's us." She stated as Joel also began to stir beside her.

He stood up dusting off his jeans and throwing his own backpack over his shoulder. The thought of collapsing into bed for a few hours sounded like heaven, he was shattered. He was surprised by how just a couple of weeks of comfort had made such an affect of him. Just months ago, he would sometimes go days without properly resting whilst trying to keep both himself and Ellie alive. It was a miracle really that neither of them were killed... bar that one very close call.

"Same time next week then?" She nodded towards him.

He nodded back to her with a lopsided half smile "Same time next week."

He moved past her and made his way towards the steps but he was interrupted by the blonde harshly clearing her throat to regain his attention. He stopped and looked back at her, the reason as to why she had paused him remaining lost.

She raised an eye brow whilst gesturing towards the firearm he still had hung to his shoulder. "Gun please."

He rolled his eyes whilst shrugging the strap from his arm and passing her the shotgun but he was only met with a warm smile in return. "Goodnight." she spoke.

He shook his head, the corner of his lip upturned slightly as he turned back around continuing his path to the steps. 

 "G'night…" he called back in response. The image of her pretty smile still burned into his mind.

Chapter Text

The day light shone through the bedroom window stirring Joel from his sleep. He hadn't even bothered to get changed before collapsing into bed. He checked the time, it was ten am. He could have probably stayed in bed a couple more hours but he was awake now and once he was up, he was up.

He thudded over to the ensuite to his room rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Another great aspect of this place was that there was fully functioning electric and hot water. After fifteen years in the QZ with lukewarm or cold showers, the showers in this place felt like a dream. He jumped in allowing the water to wake him up properly.

The house was quiet without Ellie's presence. Usually by this point he could hear her rustling through the cupboards downstairs and calling up to ask if she could eat whatever it was she found but today there was silence.

He chucked fresh clothes on and made his way downstairs, flicking the kettle on for his morning coffee. Just as he poured the hot liquid into the mug there was a knock at the door.

His brow furrowed as he made his way to the front door being greeted in the entryway by his brother who had already taken it upon himself to let himself in.

Joel ran his fingers through his greying curls with a loose sigh.  "Mornin' Tommy. Couldn't wait for me to open the door?" 

Some things would never change, not even after the damn world ended. Tommy would let himself into Joel's house quite frequently pre-outbreak and help himself to the contents of the fridge.

Tommy chuckled, a grin cracking across his cheeks. "Mornin'. You still haven't learned to lock your front door"

Joel scoffed and shook his head. Who locked their goddamn doors these days? Almost seemed pointless in a place like this. "How's Ellie?"

"Good as gold. A little huffy with Maria this morning but she made her way to school" the brother responded.

"She's just a mouthy shit for me then" Joel exasperated, trying to pin point a time when she had ever been as good as gold. A life saver at times, yes but there was always a glint of mischief  cursing her eyes.

Tommy smiled "You just had it easy with Sarah. I can remember you being a mouthy shit for Mom as a teen"

Joel nodded in agreement and rubbed a palm down his face at both the mention of his late daughter and his own pretty disastrous childhood. Sarah was just a bloody angel and he had no idea why or what he had done to deserve it. He himself, was a little fucker as a kid, not that he had any desirable role model to look up to... "True but god I hope I was a better parent than Mom. There was a reason for that attitude"

The brothers' relationship broke down with their mother early on. She was an alcoholic, had been for as long as Joel could remember and the drink always seemed to come before her kids. This left Joel taking on most of the responsibility for Tommy at quite an early age considering their own dad hadn't been in the scene for many years. The relationship completely broke down once he found out that Sarah was due and he hadn't communicated with her since then. He often wondered if she had survived outbreak but probably not...If he was honest, he'd be genuinely surprised if she was still kicking about at that point anyway. Probably drowned herself in booze long before...

Tommy chuckled "Let's be honest, just by being present made you a better parent than Mom. God bless her" he quickly moved the conversation on, knowing how uncomfortable both topics were for his older sibling "Anyway, how was your first watch shift?"

Joel scratched the back of his neck as he recalled the events of the evening prior, "Pretty easy stuff. There was one runner that Ava shot down but that was about it"

"And you got on alright with her?" Tommy pressed with a raised eyebrow, his tone hesitant as he asked. He knew too well how closed and stand offish his brother could be.

Joel sniffed, keeping his answer short, sweet and of course flat. Not wanting to give his brother the slightest inkling that her pretty chocolate eyes and warm smile had been engrained into his mind for the past twelve hours. The thought of anyone discovering that he still bore human emotions made him want to cringe. "Yeah she's alright"

Tommy nodded "Good... She's a good woman. Not my place to go into it but she's been through a lot yet still tries to see the good in people"

"We kept our pasts to ourselves." Joel stated firmly.

This didn't surprise Tommy in the slightest. He knew what his brother was like and was happy to take 'she's alright' as a positive win and no need to take action on swapping any of the pairings around. 

Tommy patted his brother on the shoulder and made his way back out the door. "Alright, well I was just checking in. See ya around" 

—-----------------—————————————————

Joel spent the majority of the day pottering around the house. The place was in pretty good condition considering the events that had happened over the years but there were still a few bits that needed fixing up. It didn't seem all that long later before Ellie arrived home. She bumped the front door open and dropped her back pack to the floor ready for the next day.

She was quick to notice the various tools out on the counter.

"What you doing?" She asked curiously as she spotted Joel crouched down on the floor.

"This creaky floorboard has been drivin' me mad since we got here" He responded as he hit the floor board back into place.

Ellie nodded as she picked up a screw driver, inspecting it over. "Where did you get all this stuff anyway?"

Joel got to his feet and began to pack his tools away, plucking the screwdriver from the teenagers hands "Perks of being on the construction team. Thought I might as well fix this place up" he paused for a second as a thought came to his head "Could redo your bedroom at some point. Y'know, give it a lick of paint if we can find some. Make it a bit more you... If you want?"

A genuine smile spread across Ellie's face. It was nice to have her own space but it still felt like it belonged to its previous occupier with the pink and yellow walls decorated with posters of unknown old world people. All in all, it was a little girly for her liking "Yeah, that'd be cool"

Joel stuffed the tools into the cupboard beneath the sink before straining his back and turning to lean back on the counter, his arms folding against his chest, "So I was thinking that we could head to the lake in a bit"

Ellie's face turned to confusion "Jeez, we finally got somewhere safe and you want to venture outside the walls and back out into the unknown."

"Well you ain't gonna learn how to swim on the goddamn floor" He retorted.

The girls face dropped as she let out a huff. She didn't like water. She didn't want to learn to swim. The thought of not being able to see or touch the ground below was somewhat terrifying. "seriously?"

"Yeah, it's a life skill. You gotta learn" Joel responded using the same level of attitude she used towards him.

Ellie's face dead panned for a couple of seconds at his response but a hint of concern eventually creeped in. She considered herself pretty fearless but bodies of water were where she drew the line- there had been a few close calls in the past.

Joel picked up on the slight change of her expression and he took in a breath ready in an attempt to reassure her, "It's not like I'm gonna let you drown, kiddo. Go on, change into something you ain't worried about getting wet. You'll dry off on the walk back"

—--———————————————————————-

A short while later the pair headed off. The weather was particularly good for the time of year and temperatures were above the average. Ellie was particularly struggling with the climate due to not being able to reveal her arm. She'd managed to find a couple of light weight long sleeved shirts which worked for school but for her trip to the lake she decided on putting her hoodie over a T-Shirt. Suddenly the thought of cooling off in the water became appealing.

Before leaving the community walls Joel led them to the shop in order to pick up a shotgun for protection. The place was fairly basic, there was a shop floor which contained the items available for trading and then a room outback which stored the firearms and other survivalist items. The two rooms separated by a counter. Both Joel and Ellie approached the counter and waited. Within a few seconds a familiar face met them from the other side.

Joel raised an eyebrow as said familiar person stepped into view. "Thought you got the day off after doin' a night shift?" 

The blonde sighed and nodded "Well, normally I do... The guy rota'd on for this afternoon is sick and the others are rota'd elsewhere so I ended up picking up"

There was a very brief moment of silence. "What can I help you with?" Ava continued to ask, dark circles painfully visible beneath her eyes from the lack of rest.

He thought about responding back with something friendly such as 'they better give you tomorrow off' but no, that would be out of character for him, Ellie would pick up on it within an instant. Instead, he gestured to the room outback "You got any semi-auto's out there?"

The blonde nodded and headed back to retrieve the requested rifle. His eyes followed her movements perhaps a little to intently as he waited patiently leaning against the counter. Out the corner of his eye he could see a small smirk appear on Ellie's face. For fuck sake. Whatever remark she was planning on making, it could wait until they left and so he decided it was best not to make eye contact or even acknowledge her until they were outside the shop.

After a couple of minutes, Ava returned behind the counter placing the gun down and pushing a pen and piece of paper towards Joel. He looked at her confused.

The woman tapped the paper lightly as a small smile tugged at one corner of her mouth "I need to make sure you return it when you get back. Y'know, especially since you tried to walk off with one last night. Sign it...With date and time. Please" she paused a couple of seconds "You'll also be asked to sign it again when you return it, or we'll be knocking at your door"

Joel sighed heavily as he grabbed the pen and scribbled the information down on the paper. "Since you asked so nicely..." 

He pushed the piece of paper back her way once finished. Ava glanced an eye over it to ensure all the information was on there and gave him a thankful nod.

"Where you guys off too anyway? This your daughter?" She asked, gesturing her hand at Ellie.

Ellie looked at Joel awkwardly. It was a part of the agreed narrative that they'd tell people to avoid many questions being asked. It sounded a lot better than 'not related at all, just smuggled the girl halfway across America for a reason we can not disclose'. It didn't make it any less uncomfortable for either of them though and this is the first time having to say it out loud in front of each other. It was just down right uncomfortable.

The man swallowed thickly before answering "Uh yeah, this is Ellie. Didn't get the opportunity to teach her how t'swim where we're from so taking advantage of the lakes here."

Ava smiled warmly over at Ellie, seemingly oblivious to the almost strained atmosphere that enveloped the room suddenly, "Well you two have fun!"

Ellie smiled back at her although she was almost sure that it presented itself more as a grimace. "Thanks"

Joel was quick to take the shot gun, flinging it over his shoulder and making his way out of the shop with Ellie following in tow.

"You guys be careful out there!" the pretty blonde called out after them. 

Joel looked over his shoulder and gave her a small nod as he held the door open for Ellie.

—-----------------—————————————————

It wasn't long before the pair were outside the walls of the community heading towards the lake. Once out of sight, Ellie was quick to remove her hoodie and tie it around her waist 

"Soo much better" the girl exclaimed as the light breeze cooled the sticky skin on her arms.

Joel didn't respond to her remark but went on to confirm how long it would take to get to the destination "Should be about a thirty minute walk in this direction" as he pointed out to the distance.

Ellie nodded in response as she tailed along behind slightly. The pair walked in silence for a couple of moments whilst they navigated their surroundings. Ellie wasn't one to stay quiet for long periods so naturally, it didn't take much time at all before she jogged on up to Joels side with a mischievously curious look in her eye.

"Sooo" she started, exaggerating the word for dramatic effect. "Who was the lady in the shop?"

The man sighed knowing damn well that this was leading to the reason she was smirking earlier "That was Ava... She's on the same post as me for watch"

Ellie's head bobbed "Huh. She seems nice..."

Joel looked straight ahead and responded bluntly in hopes it would stop the conversation. "Yep."

The mischievous smirk reappeared on the teenagers face as she tried to make eye contact with the older man beside her "She's pretty too..."

Well that was stating the obvious, anyone with functioning vision could see that. He rolled his head over to her with a stern look. Nope, he was not about to be outed by a fifteen year old girl eager for gossip. Not happening.

Ellie threw her hands up in the air in response to the situation, a coy smirk still present on her face but not prying any further.

His expression was a clear indication to drop the conversation. He shook his head at the girl as he returned to looking straight ahead in search for the lakes "Not much longer"

—-------—————————————————————

True to his word, the lakes weren't much further at all. It was a beautiful view, the green spring grass with the contrast of the blue water was like an oil painting. The pair admired the view from a high bank. The last time they were both here, it was thick with snow with numerous guns being pointed in their direction so it was nice to be able to spend a second to take it all in. Was almost breathtaking...

Joel moved forward scanning along the edges of the open water for a suitable place to start the swimming lesson. He spotted a sloping embankment a little further down the lake.

He pointed out to it and then looked down to Ellie "Looks like a good spot over there. Starts of shallow"

Ellie nodded in agreement and followed along behind him as they ambled down to the spot.

Once Joel had checked out the area for any immediate danger, he popped the gun onto the floor and gestured for Ellie to remove her shoes. She raised an arched eyebrow in response, seemingly unsure about his request.

"Walking back with wet clothes is one thing. Walking back with wet shoes will give you blisters" He retorted.

Memories appeared in Ellie's mind from when they had to cross shallow water on their journey and suddenly she could remember the painful oozing blisters very well. As soon as the wince worthy memories hit, she was quick to remove her shoes and edged towards the water. She swallowed thickly as she looked anxiously ahead at the body of liquid in front of her.

"Come on" Joel encouraged as he walked on in ahead of her.

She took a deep breath and quickly moved forward so that the water sat at her knees "Holy fuck! This is fucking cold!" She exclaimed, eyes wide with surprise.

She could hear Joel chuckling to himself as he ventured deeper into the water, a sound that didn't happen all that often. She shot him an unimpressed look as she stood still, trying to get her body to adjust to the bitterness that was trying to swallow her.

"Once you dunk your shoulders, you'll adjust to the temperature" he called out, having already taken his own advice.

Ellie sighed as she tried to move deeper into the lake.

"Shit, shit, shit" she muttered to herself as the water crept up her body. She stopped again as the water hit just below her chest, currently unable to comprehend how submerging more of her body would make this any more tolerable.

Joel was quick to join her side "now dunk your shoulders in" he instructed.

Ellie took in a deep breath and promptly lowered her body further into the water. Her teeth chattered for a few seconds and then stopped.

"Not that bad, huh?" 

A small smile reappeared on her face "You were right. That's so weird"

The man looked back up before confirming the next step "So today you're gonna learn how to float. Once you can float, swimmin' will be a breeze."

He crouched down beside her, his eyes remaining in contact with hers to keep her attention. He held both his arms out in front of him, palms up. "I need you to lean your back over my hands"

Ellie moved closer to him and reclined herself back so his hands firmly supported her spine. One between her shoulder blades and one just above her base.

"Now lift your legs"

One by one, she lifted her legs so they rested on the surface of the water. She panicked slightly as she lifted her second leg causing her to lose her balance slightly.

"You're fine. I've got hold of you" He reassured.

A few seconds later, Ellie was laid out on the lakes surface. She pretty much held her breath the whole time leaving her small body rigid and heavy.

"Good" He praised before giving the next instruction "Now just focus on regulating your breathing. Breath in and then out"

She did as guided and a minute or so later, Joel could feel her relax.

"Okay, I'm going to slowly remove my hands. I need you to focus on your breathing. If it gets too much, remember you can touch the floor"

He carefully removed each hand one at a time. He stayed close just in case she started to panic but she remained focused and relaxed. Her brows knitted as she put her entire attention onto a white fluffy cloud floating up above.

"There you go. You're floatin' " He smiled as he took a couple of steps back

Ellie kept her focus on the sky as she calmly beamed "This is so fucking cool"

The pair stayed in the water for a little while longer making the most of the daylight before eventually making their way back to land. Their wet clothes clung to their skin as they put their shoes back on and gathered their belongings.

 Ellie peeled her soaked through shirt away from her skin, leaving it hanging loose before it ended up clinging back onto her within a few seconds.

"You'll be pretty much dry by the time we get back" Joel nodded as he headed up the bank with Ellie trotting up behind him as they made their way back to the community.

Chapter Text

The days ahead passed quickly with both Ellie and Joel being kept remarkably busy with either school work or their rota'd tasks for the day. As treacherous as their cross country journey had been, the bleak events that entailed only seemed to blind them from the fact that their days had been mostly filled with endless walking and nothingness. It was astonishing just how busy their daytime hours could become with some simple routine.

Joel had been working on various building repairs around the community. Patching up leaky roofs, replacing worn down doors and securing the structural integrity of various inhabited homes that were undergoing development. Twenty years ago he couldn't ever imagine that he'd ever miss the trade that he dedicated the first part of his life too with the gruelling hours and with what at the time seemed like hard labour but he had to admit that he quite enjoyed being back at it. He found it quite nostalgic in a strange way. The days were quite long, starting just as the sun rose and finishing sometimes not until late afternoon but it gave him a sense of purpose, belonging. 

On the days where he finished up early enough, he would encourage Ellie down to the lake in order to keep up with the swimming lessons. She was improving day by day, proving herself to be a quick learner. She wasn't quite there yet but she could now confidently float on both her front and back and had attempted some sort of version of a doggy paddle, her kicks thrashing around enough to warrant her, her own splash zone.

The week flew by before landing on Friday and the usual routine took place. Joel woke up and knocked on Ellie's door to ensure she was awake and up for another enlightening day at school. This was something that had also improved as the days went by. The teen insisted that she hadn't made friends but he had spotted her a couple of times conversing with a couple of the resident kids and it appeared to be in a friendly manner. Once certain that Ellie was awake and actually moving, he focused on getting himself ready for the day before setting off with a canister of steaming coffee and a slice of moderately overdone toast between his teeth, leaving behind a couple of additional slices on the counter for when the young girl eventually emerges from the bathroom.

He took his usual route, heading over towards the central hub which was just that- a building in the center of the community where people would enter to check into their day to day tasks. It was also where people would go to notify the board if they were too sick to work. Not to dissimilar from the set ups within the quarantine zones.

In his usual manner, he apathetically made his way over to the board, avoiding the 'good mornings' as best as he could but acknowledging those he could escape with a simple stoic nod, to see where he would be stationed at for the day and what it was that needed doing. It was rarely the same two days in a row, they seemed to enjoy mixing it up...He searched his name and could see he was grouped into small team inclusive of Tommy and one other to fix up a deteriorated roof on one of the small terraced houses. He took a step back once he obtained the information he needed, allowing other to take his place. His eyes scanned meticulously over the filling room, spotting Tommy further back in the queue.

Striding over and tapping Tommy's shoulder to get his attention, "Mornin'. We're both down for fixing the roof. Twenty Willow walk. Thought I'd save you the hassle of waitin' in this"

Tommy stepped out the queue with a nostalgic grin across his cheeks, following Joel out of the building.

 "Just like the old times" the brother joked, patting his sibling firmly over the shoulder.

————————————————————

By the time the two brothers arrived at the house, the third member of the team had already arrived, busy getting set up for the job.

Tommy went straight over to him, patting him on the back in a friendly greeting. Clearly they were already familiar with one another, not that it was a surprise... It still wasn't massively clear how long Tommy had been residing here. The guy seemed to be around the same age range as him with a short scruffy beard and brown greying hair down to his ears.

Tommy was hasty to introduce the two of them. He knew his brother well enough to know that he would make little effort to introduce himself yet it was critical for him to integrate into the community at this point. Especially knowing that his wife was keeping a specifically close eye on how Joel interacted with others, given the reputation he had."Joel, this is Rich. Rich this is my brother, Joel"

Both men exchanged a firm hand shake before continuing to get set up for the day. Tommy deemed both Rich and Joel as being like minded, if they could at least get along, it would be a start.

Just moments later the floor boards of the porch sounded a dull creak as the house's occupier made an appearance from the front door. She was an elderly lady, probably in her late seventies. White- grey fluffy hair pulled back into a bun with a pink knitted cardigan draped over her hunched shoulders, she ambled over to the three men to greet them.

"You boys here to take a look at my leaky roof?" She asked sweetly, that typical granny voice that would want to make even the toughest of men act like an angel.

"Yes ma'am" Tommy responded with a friendly smile, his Texan accent as thick as ever.

The elderly lady gestured for them to follow her into the house "I'll show you where it is"

The three of them trailed along behind her as she led them into the bedroom. The house wasn't very big, one bedroom with a small living area and kitchen but it was still bigger than the accommodation in most QZ's. The woman pointed up into the corner of the ceiling where a steady drip pooled into a small puddle in a bucket. The growing mould from the moisture steadily staining the ceiling black.

Joel nodded, narrowing his eyes at the spoiled area. Mentally calculating what was needed to sufficiently fix the leak "We'll take a look, you got a ladder to the attic?"

She smiled eagerly as she opened up the cupboard built into the bedroom wall, presenting the dubious looking wooden ladder.

—----——————————————————-

After some investigation they were able to source the origin of the leak. It wasn't too much of a problem and was a fairly easy fix. If all went well, they would be finishing up in a couple of hours, leaving them with the afternoon to themselves.

The men got to work obtaining the various required materials and sawing them down to size, ready to patch the roof up.

After a short period of time the elderly woman made a reappearance "Would any of you like a hot drink?"

Drink breaks were definitely one of the perks of working in construction, even before outbreak day. None of the men hesitated to take the small lady up on her kind offer as they grouped together in the living area for their brief time out.

The elderly lady, now fondly known as Marjorie was an open book, happily telling the men her post outbreak story of how she found herself in Jackson. She was quite the character but her story was unsurprisingly devastating as she recalled how she lost her entire family on the way.

"So we made it to a settlement not far from here. We thought it was safe and it was oh so quiet. Unfortunately, my husband didn't quite check thoroughly enough" Majorie paused as she recomposed herself, the grief obvious on her face "There was one of those mushroom looking fella's lurking in the basement... it didn't take long before it realized we were there" She paused again to inhale a sharp breath before continuing, appearing to relive the ghastly moment that likely redefined her. "All I could do was watch as it tore my husband apart"

The room fell to silence. Empathetic solemn looks all around the small room. It was a horror story they all knew too well. It was a rarity to come across someone who didn't have a blood curdling horror tale to voice. Those lucky people became less and less as the years tottled on by. 

Marjorie forced a sweet smile as she continued on, one that faltered and cracked nonetheless "I managed to escape out the door unnoticed and made my way up to the mountains. I carried on a little further. I was convinced it was the end for me but Maria and a few of her men found me and brought me here. That was about six years ago. This place has come along way since then"

Conversation between the group lasted a little longer before the men decided it was time to get back to the job at hand. Those bleak conversations were tough and once they were over, they were hard to come back from. It was often easier to just leave them be. 

As estimated, the fix didn't take long at all and the task was complete just after midday meaning the men were able to reclaim the rest of the afternoon for themselves.

They said their goodbyes to Marjorie who was very grateful to have a dry home once again, and then made their way outside.

"Early finish then" Rich stated as he packed his tools into a backpack and heaved it over his shoulder.

Tommy nodded in agreement whilst carefully folding down his pocket knife and securing it back into his Jean pocket. "Don't know about either of you but I'm thinkin' of stopping by the Bison on my way home"

Ah, the Tipsy Bison. A novelty that Joel deemed as never wearing off. A small and perfectly intact watering hole that stood homely in the towns centre. Jackson's biggest adult attraction.

"I can get behind that" He agreed, his knees straightening with a slight click as he stood from his kneeling position. Never one to turn down a drink when offered, something about him that hadn't been modified by the plague of cordyceps.

Rich decided that he was going to skip out on the drinking and head home, leaving the brothers to themselves.

—--------------——————————————

Nope, the novelty definitely had not worn off. The smell of hops and brewing beer, fruity undertones of wines and spirits fermenting drifted from within the cellar. He hadn't come across anything like it since outbreak day and the place still had so much character - it was untouched. Walls adorned with old western pictures, a bison bust and various branded bottles of alcohol now used purely for decoration.

Tommy reached over the bar, picking up a full bottle of golden bourbon whisky and pouring them both a neat glass. 

Joel swirled his glass around watching the amber liquid slosh around the cup "How have you not run out of this stuff?" He asked, inquisitive to how there was such an abundance. The place always seemed packed and people sure as hell weren't gulping back tap water.

Tommy chuckled "Shockingly, alcohol is in high demand and thankfully gins, vodka and whiskey are easy enough to make here"

That was a good enough answer for him. Joel smirked taking another long sip, savouring the sharp burn as it trickled down his throat."Good to know. I won't hesitate to drink up then"

"Cheers to whiskey" The youngest Miller chimed as he clinked the rim of his glass against his brothers.

"Cheers, to fuckin' whiskey"

The brothers sat talking and refilling their glasses for the next couple of hours. Afternoons like these were well needed, they were a small reminder that after all the horrific atrocities that had taken place over the past two decades, some forms of normality do still exist. Those small silver linings that need to be held and cherished when they occur.

—----------————————————————

Tommy glanced down at his watch, grimacing upon noticing the time and then swallowed back the remainder of the alcohol in his glass, a reluctant mumble forming from his lips "The mrs will be home any minute, I better get a move on" 

Joel rolled his eyes and scoffed into his own glass. He wasn't subtle, his tone was easily deciphered as sarcasm and derision. The taint of alcohol preventing his distaste for his sister-in-law from being concealed. "I see she's got you trained"

"Shut up man" the brother retorted, giving Joel a playful nudge to the shoulder. Not seeming to pick up on the obvious satire- or maybe he did and just chose not to cause a scene. He hopped off the stool and grabbed his jacket "Listen, I've bagged you a day off of work tomorrow. Thought you might want to spend some time with Ellie with it bein' a Saturday 'n all"

Joel smiled appreciatively at the gesture. "Thank you, brother"

With that, they said their goodbyes and Tommy headed off. Joel poured himself another glass and allowed himself to take it all in. He didn't mind being alone at the bar, he found it almost therapeutic, drinking at his own pace and reflecting on the past couple of weeks, months and even years. So much had changed in the span of twenty years. From a single Dad working six days a week to keep a roof over his head, to becoming a seasoned killer out in the wild, to a life of smuggling and no good in Boston, to travelling across the country with a child that wasn't his own, to here now-In Jackson, where everything seemed so much more simpler.

He sat drinking at the bar on his own for all of thirty minutes before a familiar honeyed voice approached him "Fancy seeing you here"

The disturbance caught his attention as he turned to his right to find Ava leaning over the bar, pulling out the same bottle of whiskey he had been using and pouring herself a glass. His already slurring eyes subtly- or at least he hoped it was subtle, scanned over her figure. The hem of her tee riding up as she stretched over the bars surface, exposing a slither of her mid-riff. Visibly toned but still a softness. His eyes dragging down over her full ass and wondering what she looked like stripped down to her- no. He had to stop, forcing his eyes back down into his empty cup, brows scowling as he mentally scolded himself. Have some damn respect for her, yourself and Tess...

"Another?" She offered holding up the bottle with a bright smile, oblivious to his previous leering of her.

He pushed his empty cup towards her allowing her to refill his glass all whilst avoiding eye contact. Too ashamed of his unnoticed actions to meet her gaze.

"Do you mind if I join you?" She asked politely, noticing that he was sitting alone.

Joel refrained from slamming his eyes. For fuck sake. He was quite enjoying the lone time but he found himself unable to say no to her. Again, that stupid, ridiculous little urge to get to know her better. To become accustomed to her presence, to let her in just a little bit. He still barely knew her, it was frustrating.

It wasn't her fault and he decided it was best not to cause any potential upset considering he'd be working with her again in just a few days' time. He pulled out the stool where Tommy was once sat "Sure"

"How's your daughters swimming getting along?" She asked, striking a conversation as she took a sip and settled down onto the cushion of the seat.

By this point, Joel was already a few drinks deep which made him slightly more open to conversation than usual, especially if it meant he could keep that sweet voice talking to him. "Yeah she's gettin' there. She's a quick learner. It won't take long and she'll be like a fish" 

"That's good. It always surprises me how quickly Kids pick things up" She responded with a small smile.

He nodded in agreement as memories of Sarah clouded up his mind. She had always been so quick to pick up new skills, as if she was a natural at just about anything. Academics, sports, creativity- the lot. God, how he yearned to watch her grow up. He quickly forced himself out of the thoughts retorted back with a question of his own. Once that he pondered over since their shift earlier that week. "So where did you learn to use a gun like that?"

The blonde looked down into her cup with a slight smirk on her face as she reminisced her own pre- apocalypse past "Long before the world went to shit, I can tell you that" she could see the curiosity on Joel's face pressing her to go on "My Dad owned a shooting range. I was shooting guns from the moment I was capable of holding one"

Joel tilted his head slightly towards her as if to say 'fair play' as he took another sip. She hadn't noticed that Joel had looked away, still living through the memories in her mind as she continued to expand on the snippet of the story she revealed "It was all target shooting, the practice made me pretty good"

Joel looked over seeing how the expression changed on her face. He gave her a lop sided grin "You got a head start from the rest of us then"

"I guess it did give me a slight advantage" She chuckled, giving him a pointed look. "It served me pretty well too" 

There was a moment of silence between them before Ava shot a question back at him. After all, this worked both ways. "So, what's your story? How'd you get here?"

Joel knitted his brows together as he took a sip, allowing him time to get his cover story ready and tight "Uh, I was living in the Boston QZ. Had done for most of the years post outbreak but the place was falling apart. It was only a matter of time before FEDRA would be overthrown. Thought I'd get Ellie out of there before it turned to shit" he paused to take another sip before continuing "Tommy left the QZ a while before. The last I heard from him he was in Wyoming so I headed out here and yeah...found him here" he trailed off.

"What about Ellie's Mom?" The blonde pressed, the question sliding off her tongue before she really thought about the implications.

Joel swallowed thickly. That part of the story hadn't been discussed nor agreed. There only seemed to be one logical correct answer... it probably wasn't wrong either. He just didn't know who she was.

As the word dripped from his mind to his tongue, a sudden and unsolicited image of Tess came to his thoughts. Her wide panicked eyes as he left her stood there in that damned building to be slaughtered by the small army of FEDRA officers coming after them. The vision souring his tone as the response dropped from his lips harshly "Dead"

Ava shook her head in shame and downed the last of her drink. Cursing herself for being so insensitive in the way that she worded her question when in reality she was just prying to know if there was any woman on the scene, without coming across too forward. "Shit, I'm sorry. That was a stupid question to ask"

"It's fine" he responded as he too downed what was left of his glass, needing another stiff shot stat. He reached out for the bottle of whiskey once again, sparing a forced glance at the woman beside him. "Another?"

Ava widened her eyes brightly and scoffed. Part of her surprised that he was still entertaining her company. "Definitely another!"

The pair remained at the bar for a number of hours, downing drink after drink. Their conversations after were a lot lighter and flowed well. Hell, they even laughed and joked the tipsier they both got, the pair quickly loosing any sense of time.

Silly stories kept on coming. Times before outbreak, times after. Nothing of any importance or significance but just small amusing glimpses into each others lives. If he hadn't have been feeling the affects of the alcohol skewing his usually cold demeanour, he would have stopped the conversations from progressing long ago. His sober fear of letting anyone remotely close would have stepped in and shut it down completely. It was nice, that for a brief moment, he was able to let it go and enjoy the moment that was being presented. He hadn't realised just how much he needed it.

"And that is how I got kicked out of art class. Thought it was pretty funny myself!" Ava slurred with a beaming grin after telling a slightly outrageous story about how she was removed from her arts class at school for giving the incorrect answer when asked 'Why did Van Gough cut off his ear'. Apparently the response of 'he wanted to paint an ear but forgot what one looked like' wasn't as funny to the teacher as it was to the rest of the class.

The bursts of giggles that escaped her as she told her story, the way the apples of her cheeks rose and caused her eyes to squint as she smiled uncontrollably and the twitch of her nose as she tried to bring herself back down to earth. She was captivating. His eyes just wouldn't leave her, smiling dumbly along with what ever it was that was coming out of those perfect looking lips. Completely and uncharacteristically beguiled by this woman he'd only just been acquainted with. Forgetting for a fleeting moment that he was  currently enduring the end of the world and not sat in some dive bar in Austin twenty odd years ago, looking for someone to take home for the night…

"Shit. She ain't jus' a pretty face, she's funny too" Joel chuckled, not quite registering what he had said.

The corner of her lip tugged upwards as she looked into her glass, swirling the content round with a hint of pink flushing at her rosy cheeks "You think I'm pretty, huh?" She teased.

His shook his head with an embarrassed smirk on his lips, at this point trying his damn hardest to focus on anything but her. His reality tumbling back down on him like a tonne of bricks "You're trouble, Y'know that?"

He chanced one last glance out the corner of his eye, her grinning mischievously right back at him. Caught out... If he was sober right then, he was sure he'd be mortified. Although, there was still time for that if he remembered in the morning...

With that, he looked around the room noticing how the place had slowly started to filter out. The daylight that had once seeped through the windows now turned to darkness, with the artificial glare of the street lamp outside. His brows furrowed as he spared a glance down at his watch- one that he had finally built up the courage to replace the old. The monumental item piece with the shattered face now stored safely away in his bed side cabinet. The numbers seemed to move and swirl as he tried to focus his intoxicated eyes '10:05pm'

"Shit" He mumbled as he swiftly grabbed his jacket off the back of his stool and stood to his full height. Far, far later than he thought. Ellie was likely having a head fit at the fact he wasn't home before dark, especially without any explanation. 

"You good?" Ava questioned noticing the sudden and dramatic change in his demeanor. Slowly she shuffled forward on her stall, bracing her hands on the bars sturdy surface before not so carefully lowing her feet to the floor.

"I've gotta go. Ellie's alone at home and I lost track of-" He cut himself short as he watched the rather pissed up blonde attempt to get down from her stool, stumble and then fall into the bar to steady herself.

He blinked with knitted brows as he watched the scene unfold. It was like watching Bambi on ice. He might be a brute but he couldn't leave her to walk home alone in that state. Ellie would be fine for another twenty minutes or so... "I'm walking you back to yours" he stated.

The blonde looked up at him with reddened eyes and a defeated look, her voice hiccuping and pitching as she garbled "I think I'm a little drunk"

"Ya think?" He retorted with a snort as he offered his arm to her as support. She gladly took it, wrapping her own slender fore-limbs around his bicep to keep herself propped up as he led them both out the bar.

As soon as the fresh air hit him, he realized that he wasn't actually any better than she was, a slight stammer in his step as he forced himself to walk in a straight line. It was an evening he needed though, although he could tell he was going to pay for it in the morning. Thank the lord it was a day off.

"Yer gonna feel like shit in the mornin'." He smirked down at the pretty blonde on his arm.

She sniggered between further hiccups "Pfft! And you Mr Texas" 

"I don't get hangovers, sweetheart... can handle my drink"

She pressed her body further into his, using his weight to take the pressure off her disoriented limbs, "Yeah, yeah... we'll see..."

He swallowed back the hard lump that formed in his throat as she absentmindedly rested her inebriated head against his shoulder as they walked arm in arm. A slight and unfamiliar pull in his chest at the sight. She was far closer that he had ever intended for her to be...

Ava somehow managed directed him back to her place and they stopped just outside the front. It was reasonably sized two bed that she shared with a housemate. Fairly modern looking compared to the majority of the homes in the town. 

She knew that she would need to make a conscious effort to be quiet. Even in her drunken state, she wanted to ensure she didn't disturb the other person she shared the home with.

"Thank you for making sure I got home in one piece" She mumbled as she patted the arm of the man that was still linked to her own, her head still rested against his broad shoulder as they came to halt.

She un-looped her arm from his and attempted to stand on her own to face him. The act of independence failing almost immediately as she instead tripped over her own feet and stumbled into his chest. 

Joel caught her and pushed her back onto her feet, holding a grip onto each side of her shoulders so that they faced each other without the risk of her falling. It wasn't until she was stable that he realised just how close they were stood, their intoxicated bodies just inches apart. He could feel her body heat radiating off of her, pulling him in.

"Fuck, sorry" The woman giggled as she looked up at him.

Big glossy brown eyes sparkling right at him, a tint of alcohol red wetting them. Full lips slightly parted, fanning a warmth close enough that he could feel through the material of his flannel. Her usually sleek pale hair now slightly disheveled. Every feature of her bonny face highlighted by the soft glow of the moon above. Fuck, she was goddamn gorgeous. All he had to do was dip his head to hers and...

All sense of reason briefly left Joel's head in the moment, the alcohol warping his thoughts. Before he even registered what he was doing, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. Just as soft and as plush as he imagined. He couldn't help it, almost involuntarily as his tongue darted out to lick a taste. Fucking sweet like syrup. Stifling back a groan as he felt her relax into him, her palms rested flat against his chest as their mouths worked in unison. Tender and slow as they tasted the alcohol on one another's lips. 

It lasted only a matter of seconds before they both pulled back realizing what had just happened. Ava celestially bit down onto her full bottom lip with a grin, letting out an awkward giggle whilst Joel swallowed thickly and...and just froze with his jaw clenched and eyes tense. He was fucked.

It didn't take a mastermind to see that the man had just surprised himself with his own actions. She let go of her lip, knowing full well that she happily allowed- perhaps even encouraged for that kiss to happen. Glad to indulge in the attention of a man after a long tiresome week without the pressure of having to fully put out. She nodded to him and spoke softly "Good night, Joel"

With that she turned her back and wandered up the path to her front door, a slight stumble still in her step.

Joel didn't respond, the ghost of her still on his lips. His intoxicated and disconcerted mind wasn't actually quite sure what to do. He watched on to make sure she had made it safely through the front door and then wiped a slightly trembling palm over his forehead before making his own way home. 

"Fucking idiot" He muttered to himself as he walked.

Chapter Text

The walk home was short. Ten minutes at a maximum perhaps but it was enough time to allow his mind to spiral. What the fuck was he thinking? How old even was she? Certainly not his age, that was damn obvious. He didn’t need anyone else in his life and he was too damn old for meaningless flings. He didn’t need anything that would cause complications. Ellie was always meant to be the priority. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

Before long he was pushing his own front door open. The light to the living room had been left on and it didn't take him too long to notice that Ellie was perched tensely on the couch cushions looking straight at him with a less than impressed look on her face.

"You're home late." She stated bluntly, her arms folding tightly over her chest as her glare bore into him.

"Shit, M’sorry kiddo." His words slurring slightly as he kicked the door close behind him.

The girls eyes narrowed and she picked up on the exaggerated southern accent that had seemed to thicken significantly since she spoke with him that morning and the subtle stagger to his steps as he walked. "You're fucking drunk?" 

There was an incredulous attitude to her insolent tone, one that had his intoxicated mind riling up. He was nearly fucking fifty, if he wanted to go out and numb his mind for a few hours then he didn’t need the approval of a little brat. He’d earned the damn right to enjoy a drink. "The last I checked I’m the adult here."

Ellie scoffed, her voice now raised and brash "Then why am I the fucking sober one worried about where you are? Surely, it's meant to be the other way around?"

Joel rubbed his eyes and sighed. He didn’t want to fight her. He was too damn tired and his head felt heavy. If he continued, he’d only end up speaking words he would later regret. "I can't deal with you right now, I need to go to bed."

The teenagers nostrils flared. Deal with her?! It was her having to fucking deal with him! She’d been sat alone and worried sick all evening whilst he was where? Getting pissed up in bar without having spared a single thought for her! Her voice spat, "I've not fucking eaten!"

"Fuck." He muttered aggressively beneath his breath as he staggered his way to the kitchen, having to grasp at the counter to keep his balance steady.

He pulled a singular can of ravioli from the cupboard, pouring it into a pan and heated it up over the stove on a high heat- much higher than he should have had it. It only took a few minutes before he decided it was warm enough to serve. He sloppily poured it into a clean bowl and roughly handed it over to Ellie.

She dipped her finger into the bowl, sliding it through its squelchy contents. She slammed her eyes upon feeling the stone cold pasta situated in the centre. Too fucking drunk to even successfully heat up a bowl of tinned pasta… It seemed pointless to fight him on the matter. Unevenly cooked ravioli was better than nothing. Her tone still full of attitude as she spoke bluntly. "Thank you."

Joel shook his head mumbling incoherent sentences beneath his breath and swiftly left her to it. He thudded up the stairs before collapsing into a heap on his bed - not too different from how most of his nights ended back in the QZ. Not even bothering to remove his clothes.

—-------------------————————————————

The bright morning light seeped in through the gaps in the curtain with a light breeze that slowly stirred Joel from his previous night's drunken slumber. He slowly sat himself up, his index finger and thumb pinching the throbbing pain located in his forehead. The heavy drinking was a coping mechanism for him back in the QZ, the only time his mind would fall numb enough to allow him to possess a decent night sleep without being disturbed by the relentless nightmares that had once haunted him. Whilst in Boston, glorious little white pills were always in arms reach to nurse the hangover the next morning. The seven month cleanse of alcohol whilst travelling the country seemed to have done a job in lowering his tolerance quite significantly and to make matters worse - no pills.

He spent a couple of moments allowing his pained, heavy eyes to adjust to the blinding daylight before he began to recollect the events of the evening before. 

"Shit." He groaned to himself as he recalled the moment he allowed the alcohol to take control of his actions, his large palms moving up to cup over his face.

It was guilt and it was eating up every morsel of his being. All he could think about was Tess and what she must be thinking of him up there. She had been the one constant in his life for the past eighteen years. After everyone else had left him, she remained loyal and right by his side through it all with no judgement or question. It hadn’t been no more than seven months since he left her behind in that damn building, since he left her behind to face her death alone...the terrible being that he was. 

Their relationship was complex and had never been clearly defined, it was at no fault of her own. He loved her dearly but just didn’t have the emotions available to give at that time. Things might have been different here in Jackson if she had made it alive… Maybe he could have now given her all that she deserved, treated her as a life partner rather than a warm body and business partner. Yet here he was, locking lips with some pretty young thing as soon as the first opportunity arose.

He rubbed his face in an attempt to wipe away the awful feeling that sat in the pit of his stomach but instead he was hit with another recollection from the evening. Ellie. He winced as he recalled their spat once he did finally arrive home. Another wave of guilt flooded over him. He knew that she was still very much struggling with events that happened at the resort and the rest of the bullshit that the poor girl had to witness in their time together. He promised himself that the girl was the number one priority and yet, he still allowed himself to get distracted all for what? A fucking kiss that he instantly regretted…

Joel slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed with a grimaced wince. He stood up and steadied himself, his vision tunnelling black and mind dizzy as the blood rushed from his head. A deep self depreciative sigh expelled from his lungs as the remnants of last nights whisky sat heavy in his stomach with each limb feeling stiff and heavy. He was getting too old for this shit. Slowly, he made his way down the hallway towards Ellie's room and knocked. He needed to clear the air with her before anything else.

"Yes?" A firm response echoed from behind the other side of the white wooden door.

He pushed the door open carefully and slipped into the room. Ellie was already up and dressed, huddled up against the cool window, hugging her knees. The young teen refused to look in his direction as she gazed through the transparent panes, letting out a huff  in frustration "You left the stove on…"

The older man perched himself on the bottom of her bed, hands on his knees and his head hung ever so slightly between his shoulders. The guilt he felt, very much shifting to shame. Shit, not only had he acted a dick but nearly burned the goddam house down in the process. "M’ sorry."

The teenager adjusted her position slightly, allowing her to face her guardian for the first time that morning. Her lips pursed into a tight line with a glum expression on her face, doing everything she could to prevent her true emotions from spilling over, "I kn- I know that you're not my actual Dad and that I need to work on being more independent but I'm scared. So fucking scared."

He knew she was. Within the last seven months he’d uplifted this kid who he had never even met before, dragged her innocent ass half way across the states, subjected her to an entire world of atrocities and how claimed her as one of his own in a town full of people that again, she wasn’t familiar with. Of course she was scared, she was still just a child. Shit, if it weren’t for Tommy, he’d also be terrified and even with having his own brother here, he was still on edge. He was left nodding sympathetically "I know and I ain’t expecting you to not be, shits been rough but you’re a tough kid, it’ll get better eventually."

The teen slid down from her spot in the window and plopped down beside Joel. Her head falling to rest on his shoulder, seeking out comfort from within the only human she could. The only constant she had ever known, the man that had practically become her father over the past few months.

A weak smile tweaked across his lips as he gazed down to her auburn hair. God, he wanted to protect her at all costs. As if she was some sort of opportunity for redemption offered by the heavens- not that he deserved redemption after all the sins he had committed in his life. "Y'know I ain't just gonna abandon you, right?" he reassured.

He watched as a small lopsided smile also crept across her face at his words. An acceptive sparkle to her umber eyes at his comforting words. His kid.

"I jus' need to get better at readin’ the time.” He joked with a light hearted chuckle, the throbbing pain within his skull slowly easing. 

Ellie sniggered along at his statement, remaining tucked against his side, where she felt safest. She paused for a moment as she glanced around the room she now called her own. "When can we redecorate?"

Joel followed her focus, scrunching his face slightly upon realising just how girly the room was "Well, I got the day off. If you box up everything you don't want, we can trade it in and then take a look to see if we can find some cartons of paint that haven't dried out."

"Sounds like a plan" The girl beamed as she unglued her self from his arm and hopped off the bed. Instantly beginning the task of  ripping down the all the weird posters that covered the currently pink wall. It seemed like a strange concept to keep large posters of random people pinned to your bedroom wall, although Joel had explained that it was the norm back in those days. She still found them disconcerting when trying to fall asleep at night and so they were the first to go.

—--------————————————————————

The pair spent the remainder of the weekend redecorating Ellie's space. The once garish pink and yellow walls were now a soft shade of cornflower blue and the furniture had been rearranged to really make the room her own. Joel had put some new shelves up for her that now stored her books and Ellie topped it off by placing a rocketship figurine next to the books that she traded in from the shop.

Ellie took a step back to admire her new and improved space with a beamingly bright grin spread across her rosy cheeks "That's more like it."

"You're gonna have to wait 'till tomorrow to enjoy it." Joel strained as he pulled himself up off the floor and to his feet, his knees and back popping in the process before dusting himself down.

The teenager cocked an eyebrow in confusion, seemingly oblivious to what day it was thanks to him letting it slide when she overslept and missed class that morning. "Huh?"

He was quick to remind her what day it was. Whilst she could get away with skiving, the same couldn’t be said about him. "It's Monday, you're spending the night at Tommy's. Go grab your things."

Ellie rolled her eyes and groaned a loud protest in response.

"Unless you wanna stay here on your own?" He retorted with raised brows and one hand resting on his hip, knowing damn well that she wasn’t prepared to give that option a try yet.

The teenager quickly back tracked at the thought of spending her night in the house alone. She wasn’t entirely sure what it was that she was afraid of. Perhaps it was just the reoccurring nightmares where she required someone to soothe her back to sleep or maybe the simple fact that she had never spent a night alone. Even having her own bedroom was a luxury she hadn’t known before- a big step forward. "No, no. I'll grab my shit."

—--------------------------------------------------------

It didn't feel all that much later before the evening started to draw in. The weather had remained remarkably good over the past week meaning that the visual conditions for watch were crisp and clear.

It came as no shock that Joel was not particularly looking forward to the shift. A sickening feeling laying heavy within his gut at the thought of facing Ava after his little slip up on Friday night. He prayed to the almighty god that she didn’t think of it as anything more than what he had convinced himself it was, just a drunk kiss. A mistake.

Dealing with conflict was something that came quite naturally to him these days, he couldn’t say that it was always dealt with in the best manner but he was confident in dealing with it. Women, on the other hand, was something that he was no longer particularly well versed in, not since the outbreak anyway- Shit, he wasn’t even that great at it before…there were never any long term girlfriends with Sarah around, just the odd one night stand here and there, picked up from the local bar and perhaps a date or two that would ended up fizzling out by the third.

He'd made a conscious effort to avoid Ava over the course of the weekend. It wasn't a conversation he particularly wanted to have, especially with Ellie practically glued to his hip as they collected items and materials for her room.

He begrudgingly made his way to his post and sat in silence waiting for his damned pretty associate to join him.

It wasn't long before she appeared from around the corner with a warm smile decorating her cheeks, handing him his usual choice of firearm for the shift. She dropped herself down beside him, her head turning to glance at him expectantly.

Joel found himself holding his breath as he forced himself to simply ignore her presence, continuing to look out towards the view in front of them. His focus settling on that one singular tree he always seemed to be drawn to when the air around him seemed suffocating. What an ideal tree, could make some decent wood carvings outta that- A very forced thought as he tried to distract his brain. It did not work. The awkwardness suddenly filling the air around them.

"How's your weekend been?" Ava asked after clearing her throat, an attempt to break the ice between them. Her own eyes still desperately trying to search for his as she gazed up at his side profile.

As if this couldn’t get any worse for him, she was now using fucking small talk to babble on. He responded flatly, still refusing to make eye contact and shutting the conversation down, “Fine.”

The blonde raised her eyebrows pulling an exasperated face in response to his clear reluctance to engage in any conversation with her. The silence continued for a little while longer before Ava couldn't breath in the thick uneasy atmosphere any longer.

"You know, I thought we moved past the brooding 'mystery man' persona?" She snorted, eyes falling to focus on her hands that anxiously picked at a loose thread on her thigh.

Joel clenched his jaw and then let out a deep huff of air. He momentarily turned to face her, a burning question that had tortured him from the moment he had pulled away from those perfectly soft lips of hers. "How old are you?"

As well as the guilt he had faced the morning after regarding his feelings around Tess. It also occurred to him that he had no idea how old this woman was. It was clear she was considerably younger than him but it concerned him greatly that he didn't know by how much. The last thing he wanted was to create a new reputation for himself, the towns resident letch…

Ava kept her head down as her brows knitted together. She gathered pretty quickly that he had been avoiding her. It wasn’t very subtle when he sent Ellie into the shop on Saturday and he lingered outside whilst he waited. His rather shaken reaction to the kiss in the first place also hadn’t gone unnoticed. It had crossed her mind that perhaps their evident age gap might have had something to do with it… but did anyone really even care about such a trivial thing these days when both consenting parties were adults? She looked back up to him and inhaled a deep breath, preparing for whatever reaction might come her way. "Thirty two"

Joel broke eye contact pretty much instantly. He subtly shook his head before rolling it back against the wall behind and huffing a despairing laugh. "Shit."

Ava didn't look away. Her expression suddenly drawing in as it became slightly defensive "The last I checked, I was a consenting adult."

The girl wasn’t even close to being an adult at the time of outbreak, meanwhile he had already been nearing thirty at that point with a kid and mortgage around his neck. So goddamn young. That was when it then hit him… her age… she- she would have been the same age as Sarah… Joel rubbed at his weary eyes with a clenched fist and let out another heavy sigh, his voice stern with a crack of solemnness seeping through as the realisation dawned upon him "You're the same age as my daughter."

The words slipped out before he even had the chance to process what he was about to reveal to her. A part of his life that he had never intended on sharing with her…

Her almost offended expression then changed one resembling confusion with softer knitted brows and a slightly upturned lip to which Joel quickly picked up on. He hastily expanded, not being left with many other options. "Not Ellie."

Ava swallowed thickly and nodded to indicate her understanding. It was clear from his tone that the topic of this other daughter hurt. The poor girl probably suffering the same fate that many others had. There wasn’t even the need to pry any further. She expelled the build up of air in her lungs and her tone softened, only wanting him to understand, "Joel, I'm not going to press but if it's any consolation, I'm an adult and not your daughter."

He took in a sharp breath, one that seemed to stab at his lungs painfully as he shut his eyes momentarily. An attempt to block out his current reality.

"Stop" He ordered in the same stern tone. The conversation becoming eerily similar to one he had with Ellie previously, one he didn’t want to repeat. 

He could feel himself getting dangerously close to snapping and what ever would leave his lips was sure to be spiteful and unfair. An unjust action towards the poor girl, who hadn’t actually done anything wrong other than lean into what he had started.

The blonde let out a deep breath she didn't realize she was holding and turned her focus out beyond the wall. She couldn’t help but notice how her stomach dropped slightly… that perhaps he was just drunk and lost in the moment. She knew kisses didn’t have to mean anything. Shit, even sex didn’t have to mean anything- not that it had gotten even remotely close to that. Both actions were simply just body parts being squished together… "Look. We barely know each other, we both had a lot to drink and it was just one kiss. It doesn't mean anything." 

She waited a second to see if he would respond. Silence. She shrugged and turned her head to face him "As I said, we’re both adults. You don't need to beat yourself up about it. It’s fine."

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye and inhaled deep breath as he listened to her words. A sudden weight feeling as if it had lifted from his shoulders. Just one kiss. It doesn’t mean anything. "Thank you."

Chapter Text

Although what needed to be said had been, there was still an element of awkwardness that lingered in the air around them. The pair spent the majority of the night in silence with very minimal conversation in between. It was clear that Joel wasn't in the mood for sharing stories and Ava wasn't going to push her luck, although she couldn't help but wonder about his past. He'd never mentioned this other daughter previously… If she was her age then she was considerably older than Ellie. How old was he? 

Even when he did give her the background of how he got to Jackson, she felt that there was more to the story than what he was willing to give.

She understood though, not everyone is happy to openly discuss what they'd been through. Ava herself hadn't divulged into the details of her journey to him but as she said earlier that night, they still barely knew each other. 

The heavy silence was soon broken by shrill screams in the distance, the kind that would have your heart thumping and mind racing. The sound coming from within the trees was somewhat chilling, alerting them both instantly and sending their blood icy cold. The screech of active stalkers echoed in their ears. Both individuals sprung into action, guns poised and ready. Their eyes rapidly scanning the tree line for any signs of movement.

It was only a matter of minutes before the edge of the tree line was breached. The blood curdling screams getting louder the closer they got. Ava watched as Joel went to take aim, the barrel of his shot gun balanced on the railing, his stance preparing to pull the trigger.

Ava swung her arm out in front of his chest, signalling for him to hold fire  "Wait a second," she hushed.

He cocked an eyebrow at her. Why in the name of  hell would she want to wait?

She squinted slightly, leaning forward and focused her hearing. The bar of the railing pressing into her middle as she strained her ears. "Listen."

The petrified words 'Please help us' drifted distantly into the shells of their ears, swirling around their drums over and over again. Ava hastily snatched the pair of binoculars away from Joel to allow her to take a look for herself. A less than impressed expression adorned his face at the sharpness of her actions, not that she gave a rats ass.

"There's two women." She stated as she stared intensely through the lens and spotted the females sprinting hand in hand away from the stalkers that chased after them.

She turned to the man next to her, her tone urgent as she pulled the small transmitter from her belt loop, "Get the infected. I'll alert the patrol to get over there asap."

He didn’t particularly enjoy being dictated too but he figured that now wasn’t the time to make a scene over it. With a deep inhalation of air, Joel began to gun down the small horde that scrambled after the untainted blood that lead the way, leaving the blonde frantically attempting to reach the ground team.

"Disturbance in the east, do you read?" Her agitated tone voiced into the device. She was met with static silence "Hello! Do you read? Hello? Hello?" She continued to press as time became more and more critical.

"Shitty piece of shit!" She muttered aggressively as she smacked the device a couple of times against the hard Wall. She held it to her ear once more but to no avail, not even the sound of static crackling through the speakers.

She looked up at Joel who had now stopped shooting, his stance still set for if anything else in the distance so much as twitches.

A soft palm dragged down her slightly less vibrant face, sounding grave as she spoke.  "I can't get through to them, we're going to have to go down there."

Joel’s head spam back over his shoulder, a wary scowl to his face just at the notion. Had she lost her damned mind? "Ava, they might be infected."

It was a strong expression she offered as she stared him dead in the eye. She couldn’t stand back and watch these two strangers- women- be mauled to death just outside the safety of their own walls, "but they might not be…" 

The cautious glare didn't leave his face as the small blonde refused to back down. Her attempt at intimidation was almost…cute? It was almost admirable, how keen she was to put their lives in danger for a couple of strangers…

Ava’s voice was much softer as she spoke, perhaps almost slightly shaken as she tried to punctuate the last sentence. "You and I both have been down there hoping for refuge. The least we can do is give them the same chance we had." 

Joel sighed whilst pinching the bridge of his nose, his fingers lightly massaging the spot. His life had mainly been 'shoot now, think later' since the outbreak and that mentality was quick to resurface at the slightest risk of  potential danger. He often forgot the relevant fact that his life was spared when he could have easily posed as a danger himself to the residents of Jackson.

Ava lightly touched his arm reassuringly before snatching her hand away at the feeling of his tricep muscles tensing beneath her soft palm. She swallowed thickly, her eyes gazing desperately up into his. "If they are infected, then we'll deal with it."

He inhaled a long deep breath, an attempt to drown all trepidation as he gave into her ask. He pushed away from the rails, brushing past her as he headed towards the stairs. He might have backed down but he sure as hell was going to make sure that she knew that he wasn’t happy about it. He could sense the presence of her body taking its spot closely behind him, hot on his heels as they headed toward Jacksons front gates.

—--------------------------------—————

It wasn't long before the pair were on the other side of the wall. It was eerily quiet, only the gentle crunch of their boots against the hardening terrain could be heard. It was silent as they walked focusing solely on the environment that surrounded them, listening cautiously for anything that could pose as a potential threat. It wasn't just infected they needed to be aware of out in the openness of Wyoming, with the state also being home to numerous predatory animals such as wolves and bears, all of which would have been emerging out from winters hibernation with an insatiable hunger.

They walked for about half an hour before two slender silhouettes came into view ahead of them, just in front of the tree line where the forest ended. Joel pushed his arm out in front of Ava to prevent her from walking any further ahead.

He took a step out in front of her, placing himself between the young woman and whoever it was approaching. The unexplainable desire to protect her, so much so that he was willing to put himself in harms way. Something he would question and undoubtedly fight with himself over later within the comfort of his own home… He raised his gun, keeping the safety on for the moment, his aim directed at the taller of the two strangers.

"Stay where you are!" He called out firmly

They both observed warily as the two dark figures froze in place. The pair allowing a few seconds to tick by before further approaching the strangers. 

As they edged closer the soft pale glow from the nights full moon above highlighted both silhouettes details. One was a woman who appeared to be middle aged, skin worn and eyes hollow. Exhausted and desperate for mercy. The other was a young girl who appeared to be around the same age as Ellie. The light to her own demeanour diminished, lost to the darkness that the wasteful earth provided.

"Please don't shoot!" The middle aged woman cried out, a noticeable tremor to her limbs as she raised her hands in submission.

Ava swallowed back the hard lump that had formed in her throat and glanced towards Joel who remained poised. Truly unsure of how he was about to handle this entire situation. He wasn’t on board with coming down here, would he really just shoot?

"I want to see your arms, neck and legs." He ordered, dragging the barrel of his firearm through the air whilst pointing toward each mentioned body part.

The unacquainted lady complied gingerly. She rolled up each of her sleeves exposing her bare arms before moving onto her neck, rolling down her collar and then tugging up the legs on her pants to reveal her ankles and calves. Her skin appeared clear… Good. Joel's hard stare flickered over onto the younger girl, "...and her"

Again the girl adhered to the demand given, showing and confirming that she too, was clear of any bites. No pussy abrasions, no curdled blood and no vine like tendrils threading through their skin- Ava’s risk paid off, they weren’t sick.

 Joel instantly relaxed upon seeing that they were clear, nodding to the blonde behind him who visibly slumped her tense shoulders as they lowered their weapons.

Ava took a step forward, coming into better view in order to question the newcomers further about the events that lead up to this point. Where did they come from? Where did the infected come from? "Why are you out here?"

The older women let out a deep shaky breath as she lowered her raised hands.  "We were from a small settlement just North of here. A member of the hunt team came back infected and I'm sure you can guess what happened after. We escaped but a few of them followed us."

"We're not infected, we promise." The younger girl blurted out, her childlike voice choking on the words. Desperation. Fear.

Joel turned to Ava and gave her a slight nod, an approval to their spiel. The story added up. He knew there were smaller settlements just North of Jackson and if any of those residents wandered into one of the built up cities, he wasn’t all that surprised that at least one of them got infected. Fucking selfish of them to return home, though… Not like they wouldn’t have been aware of an oozing laceration.

The blonde smiled, an attempt to spark some warmth into the situation. "What are your names?"

"This is Cat, my daughter. I'm Sadie," the older woman introduced, a weak upturn tug of the lips cracking across her cheeks as her hand fell softly onto her daughters shoulder.

Joel took a further, slightly less intense few steps forward as he began to explain where they had come from and what the next steps would be, leaving Ava around twenty steps behind him.

They had both let their guards down, even if it had just been for a few mere stupid seconds and the blasted cruel world saw it as an opportune moment to strike. 

Seemingly appearing from nowhere, a further three infected came screeching down towards them. The sudden but nightmare inducing screams had their hearts sinking into their stomachs.

Joel without a single thought or hesitation flung his body between the fast incoming infected and the two unarmed strangers to take on what he could. Their decomposing limbs flailing towards him as they sought out the scent of uninfected human flesh. One of the more advanced stalkers managed to swerve him and his shots, locking its target onto Ava, sprinting uncontrollably at her full force. Caught off guard, the blonde fumbled with her gun putting a quick bullet into its chest, it didn't go down. In fact, it didn’t so much as flinch. The smell of her pure blood driving it’s natural predatory instinct to latch and spread its disease. 

The creature launched its heavy form at her, knocking her to the floor with a loud thump and causing her to drop her gun on the way down. The stalker covered her body, its gnashing foul incisors just inches away from her throat as it snapped it's gnarly bared mouth towards her. Desperate and bloodthirsty. 

Ava’s adrenaline pumped arms flung to her defence using all her strength to hold the creature far enough away from her skin. It’s heavy body weight straining against her, her lean muscles burning whilst unable to give up the fight.

She made the mistake of looking the monster in its jaundiced beady orbs, it was male and still very much resembled a human. Its eyes boring into her chest like a piece of fresh meat as it pinned her down. Sudden haunting flashbacks of her situation from years ago, flooding her mind. The crumbling blonde felt her stomach churn whilst her entire being entered into a panic driven state. A sheen of cold sweat forming over her hyperventilating chest, small pained whimpers escaping her trembling lips. She knew this was different, this monster was not after the same as the ones from years ago but it did not stop the hallucinations from happening. She froze helplessly as the beast bore down.

Bang.

A gunshot sounded from in front of her with a splash of dark crimson splattering over her face as the creature dropped limply forward onto her as dead weight. She hadn't registered the gun shot before shrilly crying out "Get off me, get off me!" 

Joel was quick to heave the heavy and still warm carcass off of her. She continued to lay there, her eyes tightly shut and hearts thundering uncontrollably beneath her ribs.

A concerned drop to his expression as he offered his calloused hand down to her. A hand which she gladly took, allowing him to pull her back onto her feet. She blinked back the tears that welled in her eyes from the panic she endured as she dusted herself down, her head dropping to avoid his obvious stare. It didn’t work, the urge to meet his perturbed gaze taking over the best part of her consciousness.

Joel met her glazed over eyes, sinking ever so slightly to her level whilst raising his concerned brows.  "You good?"

Ava gulped back as she recomposed herself, not ready to share that part of her life with her still fairly new rota partner. "Yeah, I'm fine."  Her quiet voice not totally convincing.

He gave her a slight nod and without prying any further, although the question remained stuck to the tip of his tongue. Something unknown telling him it was more than just an infected attack…What was all that about? His knitted brows turned back round to face the two people they had just picked up "Come back with us, we'll find you a place to stay."

The four then began their journey back to the wall before anything else sensed their uninfected presence. 

After another ten minutes of walking in silence, Ava had fully regained composure. She took in a deep breath before setting out the expectation for when they arrived, as if nothing had happened. "We believe that you're not infected but when we get through the gates our sniffer dog will need to inspect you. It's just policy, nothing to panic about. Once that's done and out the way, we'll take you to Tommy and Maria who will sort out you both out with a place to stay."

She smiled softly over at Cat. "There's a few small houses vacant. They're safe and have both electric and hot water," her attention then went back over to her mother. "You both are more than welcome to become permanent residents if you wish. We have enough resource."

Sadie returned Ava's soft smile and mouthed the words 'thank you' as her palm cupped affectionately at the back of her daughter head.

—---------------------------------------------————

It wasn't long before they had arrived at the gates and passed through the inspection. Tommy was already at the gates ready to greet them once he caught wind that the gates had opened in the night but the patrol team weren't the ones leaving.

Joel handed the two newcomers over to his brother and explained the dramatic events of the evening. Tommy gladly took them off his hands and lead them away to show them to their new home.

Ava trotted up to join Joel at his side, a small playful nudge pressed to his arm as she plastered a grin across her cheeks. "I'm glad I persuaded you to check it out."

The man huffed a snort in response, an eyebrow arched in her direction. "You nearly got yourself killed. I had to save your ass."

The blonde scoffed jokingly, catching his eye. "I did say on our last shift, that I'd let you get the next one. I just wanted to give you the perfect opportunity."

They both chuckled before it fizzled out into silence, the soft eye contact turning awkward as their gazes dropped to the floor below. The heavy silence only lasting for a few seconds.

Ava chewed the inside of her mouth as she decided to bring their earlier discussion back up. "Listen, I don't want there to be any awkwardness between us. Are we good?"

Joel looked back up to her. He paused for a second before the corner of his lips tugged upward, his hand moving to scratch at the back of his neck. "Yeah, we're good."

A relieved smile cracked across her face, a slight tinge of pink heating her cheeks. "Good.”

She took a step back, turning on her heels. She began walking away but halted after a few paces to spare a glance back at him over her shoulder.

"Although, I think I'll walk myself home tonight." She smirked, making light of the previous situation. She gave him a wink before continuing on her way, an exaggerated sway to her hips.

Joel couldn't help but chuckle beneath his breath. It was a losing battle as his eyes lingered on her fading figure. God, this woman was dangerous. 

Chapter Text

The next two weeks were pretty uneventful with both Ellie and Joel finally getting accustomed to having a regular routine. For Ellie, it seemed that the addition of a routine provided that security she so desperately required and she was slowly becoming more settled in the mellow civilised environment. Even the nightmares had reduced significantly from almost nightly to perhaps only once or twice a week.

The two newcomers that arrived those weeks ago had decided to also make Jackson their new home permanently. Ellie found herself drawn towards Cat and the pair quickly became friendly - perhaps it was because they were both in the same boat, being newbies to the community after a traumatic journey...

Joel was relieved at the fact that Ellie had finally made friends with another kid. It took the pressure off of him a little. She often would hang out with Cat after school and not arrive home until the evening which gave Joel some much needed time to himself once he'd finished work.

Of course with this extra bit of time, he often found himself at the bar. The novelty of the place still very much just that. Rich was also a regular at the bar and the two of them gelled quite well. As it turned out their pre outbreak lives were fairly similar and they had quite a bit in common. Of course the topic of Sarah was curved but they both worked had worked in construction with no significant other and both grew up in a broken family...

It became a common occurrence for himself, Rich and Tommy to group together on a Friday afternoon once their daily jobs had been completed, to enjoy a few needed glasses of whiskey.

"Surely the lit'lun is arrivin' soon, Tommy?" Rich questioned as he sat back down in the booth, handing out refilled glasses of alcohol.

Tommy's eyes widened and he took in a deep breath "Yeah, not much longer at all. Think about 6 weeks."

The long haired man smirked, bobbing his brows.  "Your gonna have your work cut out, I'm telling ya."

Joel reached out for one of the glasses, dragging the amber filled vessel back to surface in front of him. The talk of his brother starting his very own family still brought up unwanted emotions but he'd gotten better at stomping them down as the weeks passed by. "How you feelin'?"

The younger brother snorted into his glass whilst taking a sip. "Fuckin' terrified."

Rich chuckled at his response "Buddy, I tell you now. As soon as you hold that kid in your arms, there ain't no feelin' like it."

Joel's eyes widened subtly at the other man's comment- perhaps they were more similar than he initially thought but instead of prying he nodded in agreement, recalling the bittersweet moment he first held Sarah. The precious warm weight that instantly made its home in his previously unfulfilled heart. The other man was right, there was no other feeling like it. His mind then switched to the nightmare that was the last time he held his daughter in his arms, drenched in her still hot blood. Twenty years had passed but it didn't hurt any less.

Tommy picked up on his brother's sudden change in demeanor and switched the subject quickly. "So Rich, you plannin' on settling down at some point?"

The man gave a dirty laugh before responding without eye contact  "Uh, let's just say that I'm keeping my options open for the moment."

"Why settle on one when you can have three?" A smug smirk to his face as the man continued, downing the rest of his drink.

The two brothers chuckled, shaking their heads at the man in front of them. Whilst Joel did get along with Rich, their morals weren't quite on the same level when it came to some things in life.

Rich's focus then turned directly to Joel, brows raised "and what about you? Anyone caught your eye?"

Joel snorted and swirled the contents in his glass. He could feel the back of his neck gradually heating up as he shook his head. Half to answer the question and partially to shake any lingering thoughts of the attractive blonde that the query prompted to form in his mind. "Uh..nah. I'm not lookin' for nothin' like that at the moment. Got enough on my plate with the...my kid."

He internally cursed himself at the almost slip up before his mind shifted to the past as thoughts of Tess entered. Thoughts of Tess, the woman he’d convinced himself that he loved directly after fucking mentally undressing Ava... he really was a special kind of cunt. Maybe his morals weren't all that far off from Rich's after all. He kept quiet for a few minutes whilst the other two men continued to converse, eventually joining back in with conversation once the topic had safely changed.

—-----------------------------------------------------

The men continued to chat and drink for another hour before Tommy looked up and saw two more familiar faces enter into the bar and head towards the main counter to grab drink. He raised an arm, waving them down and called out. "Ave, Mads!"

The two young women perked up at their names being called and walked over to where the men were sat.

"Hi guys!" The slightly built brunette of the two grinned widely as she approached, her bright blue eyes seeming to linger a few seconds longer on Rich. One of his options, Joel assumed.

"What are you girls doing here?" Rich asked, keeping his leery eyes glued on the brown haired woman stood to the side of him.

Ava rolled her eyes despairingly upon noticing the mans lustful gaze on her friend. An action that bought a subtle smirk to Joel's face before she went ahead and answered the question asked. "We both finished up early for the day and apparently had the same idea as you."

The blonde then looked over to Joel, catching his small smirk as well as his eye. It took a second for her to realise that he hadn't properly yet been introduced to the other woman. "Oh Joel, this is Maddie. My housemate."

Joel gave the brunette a nod after dragging his gaze away from the blonde. A nod that Maddie returned in acknowledgement.

"You joinin' us?" Tommy asked, patting the small space beside him.

Ava sucked in through her teeth, falsely pondering her response before jokingly sounding reluctant. "Guess we could for a couple."

Tommy eagerly scooted around the booth to allow the women room to join them around the table. Maddie sat a full bottle of bourbon whiskey in the center of the table for easy access to refills before shoving Ava into the space created by the youngest Miller. 

"Anyone fancy a top up?" She asked, leaning over the table automatically refilling Rich's glass.

Tommy responded with a friendly wink, scooting his empty cup towards her. Her expectant eyes finally reached Joel, who had yet to give her an answer. He looked at his glass and then glanced up at Ava, the memory of a few Fridays previous coming to mind. Perhaps it would be better if he didn't... His attention returned to Maddie with a tight smile. "I'm good, actually."

He glanced back at Ava who sat directly across from him, her eyes already discreetly on him beneath those dark lashes of hers. His hesitant response earning him a barely noticeable smirk from her. 

He dragged his attention away from her, his hand subtly dipping beneath the table to adjust his suddenly uncomfortable pants. The already consumed alcohol giving him some rather unholy thoughts... maybe he should just get it out of his system, meet her as she next comes out of the bathroom. Place his hands on her waist and guide her back into the cubicle as her mouth licks into his. Pull her pants down to the floor, grab at her soft thighs as she wraps her legs around his waist, that sweet sweet voice moaning his name as he— fuuuck, shit. He had to stop. Now. 

"So before you arrived, we were just reminding Joel about the fact he turns the big five zero this year." Tommy announced, pulling Joel completely out of his little fantasy at the sound of his name.

The brother cleared his throat before shaking his head and slamming his eyes. Awkwardly pulling his almost empty glass to his lips, still fighting for composure. "Yeah, cheers for that."

"Shit, you're getting old." The blonde jested with a smug grin, earning her a sarcastic glare in return. She gave him a small wink in response and for a moment he found himself panicking that she could read his perverse thoughts... don't be ridiculous.

Tommy quietly glanced between the two of them upon noticing the subtle shared looks and Joel's almost obvious discomfort as he restlessly shifted within his seat. His emotionally unavailable brother and the witty, bubbly blonde? Nah, surely not! He decided to keep quiet on his observations for the time being, curious to see how the night continues.

—--------------------------------------------------

The group spent the next couple of hours chatting and sipping before eventually calling it a night.

The two girls were the first to finish their final drinks and offer their goodbyes before heading off. Tommy noticing once again as his brothers gaze lingered on Ava's retreating form. Rich left almost in a hurry soon after, seeming to have lost interest in the rest of the evening once Maddie had made herself scarce. 

"The bloke's a nightmare." Joel scoffed as he tore his eyes away from the now empty doorway and finished off the remaining golden liquid in his glass. Thankful for the burn it left as it flowed down his throat.

Tommy chuckled along whilst grabbing his jacket from beneath the table  "He's certainly trying to live his best life whilst he still can."

The brothers left the Tipsy Bison themselves after placing the collection of empty glasses upon the bar, the consumed alcohol preventing the younger Miller from stifling his smirk. They pushed through the bars front doors and started walking toward the street when Tommy stopped pulling at his siblings shoulder. Joel turned back with a perplexed expression adorning his face.

"Y'Know Tess would want you to be happy, right?" Tommy voiced, the knowing grin still twitching across his cheeks.

Joel slammed his eyes with a huff. Fuck, was he really that obvious? He went to interject before being interrupted "Tommy-"

"I know you said that you ain't interested in anything like that at the moment and that's fine but... if you do meet someone here, don't do what you normally do and push them away. Don't let grief take over your life like you have done in the past." The younger brother brushed past him, choosing not to wait for what ever poor excuse would spill from his mouth. He offered one last smug look over his shoulder with a taunting wink, "You've still got it, brother... she's a looker. Don't go tellin' Maria I said that, mind!"

Chapter Text

A cool breeze pushed through the curtains letting the morning light trickle through into Ellie's room. As the crisp air tickled her skin, Ellie snuggled into her duvet to retain warmth. It was a pleasant change from the unusual warmer days they had experienced over the last few weeks. The teenager groaned as the breeze picked up a little more, causing a slight but irritating whistle. 

She slowly budged from her fetal position and moved herself to the edge of the bed, yawning as she rubbed her eyes from sleep. She gradually thumped her way to the window pulling it shut, abruptly stopping the whistling noise.

She turned her back to the opening and sighed. It was a Sunday. Whilst this meant that the School was closed, it didn't mean that Joel didn't have to work. This often left her alone to entertain herself for the day. The last couple of Sundays had been bearable since befriending Cat but she had plans with her Mother for the day, leaving Ellie on her own.

Ellie forced a comb through her brown locks before scraping it back into the usual ponytail and throwing on some fresh clothes. She had recently found a pair of green cargo pants that quickly became her favorite item of clothing, pairing this with a black hoodie. 

She made her way down the stairs where Joel had left her a glass of juice, a slice of toast and a small note that read 'Please wash up'. The teen took a bite and let out another exaggerated groan through her mouthful as she read the note.

—-------------------————————————

Ellie spent the remainder of the morning mooching around the house. Once the dishes had been cleaned she decided to take herself for a walk to avoid any further boredom. She made a plan to see if she could help around the stables. It gave her an excuse to visit Shimmer who was growing like a weed. The girl could swear the filly grew a hand each time she visited. She found being around the animals to be therapeutic with their fur being so soft and personalities so peaceful.

The weather had got increasingly worse as the day went on, with the wind picking up and drizzle started to come in, leaving the streets covered in small puddles.

Her journey to the stables was interrupted as a soccer ball was kicked against the back of her legs with some force, causing her to stumble forward.

"Yo, what the fuck!?" She yelled out as she regained her balance, her body shooting around to the direction of where the ball had bounded over from.

A couple of kids that were in her class stood several yards in front of her. One of the older boys called out in response "Sorry! Fancy kicking it back?"

She looked past the boy who called out, resting her eyes on a boy around her age with a smug grin on his face. Clearly it was him who kicked the ball at her. With that, Ellie booted the ball as hard as she could in the direction of the red headed boy, the ball flying and then thumping into his chest causing him to fall onto his back. She mimicked the boy's smug look, narrowing her eyes as he lifted his head making direct eye contact with her.

Making friends was never Ellie's strong point and she often struggled to fit in. The red headed boy had been antagonizing her for a little while, she had previously held back any retaliation knowing Joel wouldn't be impressed if she didn't and it got reported back but this time it felt good to finally retaliate and embarrass the kid.

There was an outburst of laughs as the group teased the boy who had been taken out by the young girl with ease. The older boy who called out initially shout back "Nice shot! You wanna join in?"

Ellie watched as the red headed boy pulled himself off of the ground soaked through and covered in dirt. He shot an disgusted look her way before walking to the back of the group. Ellie hesitated for a few seconds before then agreeing to join in.

Ellie had never played soccer before. It wasn't going to help her in the QZ so the school never taught it. She had the older boy explain the rules and before long she was racing around the makeshift pitch that was marked out with bricks and the odd jumper.

As the rain became heavier and lashed down on them, another teammate called for a time out. Ellie panted as she came to a stop, crouching over to catch her breath as her chest heaved. Her rain soaked sweater sleeve irritating against her scarred arm causing it to itch. Ellie was still in the moment of the game and subconsciously scratched her arm which caused the sleeve to roll up slightly revealing the very bottom of her bite. She also hadn't noticed the red headed boy was standing within close proximity. It was clear from the game being played that he was wanting his piece of revenge for embarrassing him in front of his friends but she was just too quick, dodging his advances with ease. He was looking for any excuse to return the embarrassment.

"Ew gross, what is that on your arm?" He scoffed not actually realizing what he had seen the start of.

A panicked look spread over the girls face as she yanked the sleeve of her arm down as far as it would go. She faked a confused face to mask the sudden dread that was building up inside, her entire body tensing "What are you on about?"

With that the boy lunged forward grabbing her by the wrist. She tried to push him off, grappling with the firm hand that clasped around her wrist but he was too strong and kept his grip on her "Get the fuck off me!"

"Show me your arm." The boy teased.

Ellie's faced drained of color as the redhead wrenched up her sleeve revealing her bite marks to everyone around.

The group fell silent as they started to back up away from her, their mouths agape. Ellie shifted her eyes to the side nervously as she watched the boy who still had her in his grip, study her scarring.

"You’re fucking infected!" He seethed, his voice grew louder as he threw Ellie to the floor.

She was winded as she tried to clamber back away from the boy who subsequently launched himself onto her throwing a punch to keep her down. Ellie reached her hands up to his face in an attempt to push him away. The redhead forced his forearm against her throat, starving her from oxygen. She could feel the blood rushing to her head and the pressure building up as she gasped for air. Her eyes panicked whilst his were dark and filled with a mix of fear and rage as the boys fight or flight instinct kicked in.

—---------------------------————————

Ava was working her usual shift in the shop. It was a quiet day. People didn't tend to leave the community when the weather was bad, outside of the patrols that is. It made sense, it wasn't worth the extra danger with the weather conditions obscuring the ability to hear and see into the distance.

She spent the spare time between serving the few people that did come in with her head deep in a new book that she had found on one of her own recent patrols. 

Her reading time was cut short abruptly as her head perked up from the sound of the commotion outside. It wasn't the usual sounds of kids messing about that usually came from the same direction and so she decided to check it out.

She cautiously made her way over to the recreational space to which the commotional noise was coming from, a handgun readied in the back pocket of her cargo pants just in case she needed to use it. As she rounded the corner she could see a small group of boys, all of which were shouting and yelling obscenities to the right. Her gaze shifted in that direction where she could make out another young teenage boy with a smaller body pinned beneath him.

The blonde rushed over preparing to break the apparent childish squabble apart. As she neared closer to the commotion, it didn't take her long to realise that the body beneath the teenage boy belonged to the young girl that quiet often appeared alongside Joel, his daughter. Her pace picked up to a jog as she pushed past the group, grabbing the redhead by the scruff of his collar and yanking him from on top of Ellie, choking the lad in the process as he fought against her. The woman reached for the small firearm that resided in her pocket, holding the barrel against the base of the boys back. She had no intention of harming him but sometimes it was the only way to get through to someone who was so caught up in their own rage.

After a few seconds the boy released his grip on Ellie and moved off of her, realizing that the blonde had a gun pointed in his direction. The boy raised his hands and he backed off, his voice spitting venomously, "She's fucking infected. That fucking bitch is infected!"

Ava gave him a stern look a firm finger pointing swinging to point out toward the street, not really listening to the words spilling from the bratty boys mouth. "Go...Now!"

The redhead backed up and then eventually scattered off at speed with the rest of the group.

Ava's attention hastily moved onto Ellie, who was still sprawled out on the wet tarmac. She crouched down to the girls level as she checked her over, noticing the fresh blood streaming from her nose and lip. The blonde suddenly absorbed the frantic words the boy had spoken about her being infected, she knew kids could be mean but now thinking back on it the boy seemed genuinely scared, the whole group did... Her gaze moved down to the teenager's exposed arm. She let out a breath hitching gasp upon inspection of the small indentations and stumbled back. Ellie hadn't come into the shop but that didn't necessarily mean she didn't leave the safety of the community walls.

Ellie watched as the womans face contorted from concern to fear. Her hand lightly gripping onto the handgun that was poking out of her pant pocket.

"Please don't shoot me!" The teenager exclaimed, wide eyed with her chest heaving.

"Ava, please! I promise I'm not infected. This is old. Please, I can explain everything!" She continued to beg through labored breaths.

Ava looked up towards the sky, inhaling deeply as she shook her head. Was she really about to take a terrified little kids word on it? She let out a deep breath as she met her eyes back down to Ellie. "Get up, we need to go now. It's only a matter of minutes before one of those kids runs their mouth to a parent and they come looking for you."

She pulled Ellie up by the hand and hurried her back home.

—------------------————————————

Ava locked the front door behind them and closed the curtains to the downstairs rooms. Ellie flumped onto the couch, her head buried in her hands.

The blonde rushed into the kitchen area, pulling a tea towel from the old radiator and running it under the tap to dampen it. She made her way over to the teen, crouching down in front of her warily.

"Hey, look up." She said softly, trying to catch the young girls eye.

Ellie gingerly lifted her head, a cautious gaze looking up at Ava as she carefully started blotting the damp cloth against her busted lip, mopping up the congealing blood.

"I mean it. I'm not infected." Ellie mumbled, her voice small. This is what Joel was paranoid about happening… fuck, he was going to kill her… if Ava hadn’t done so already by the time he gets back.

Ava sighed as her hands dropped loosely to her lap, fingers still gripped around the red tinged cloth, "I need you to tell me what's going on. Is it just an unfortunate looking chemical burn?" 

The girl hung her head with a subtle shake, "I'm not saying anything without J…Dad here."

The blonde took in a deep breath and exhaled "Ellie-" she started.

The teen was quick to snap, the frustration and fear of the whole situation getting the better of her. Would they kill her? Would they kick her out of town? Would they kick Joel out too? "I said I'm not infected and I'm not talking until Joel comes home!"

Ava swallowed thickly as she stood up, passing the damp towel over to the girl "Hold this against your lip, I'll sort out an ice pack for your neck. It'll help with the bruising…"

—----------------—————————————

Ava was keeping herself busy in the kitchen trying to sort out an ice pack for the young girl in the next room. If she was being honest, she was taking longer than needed purely because she didn't feel entirely comfortable being in the same room as Ellie, especially since she was refusing to give her reason for the bite looking marks present on her skin. It also crossed her mind that the girl was suddenly referring to her father by his first name rather than the usual 'Dad' that she normally used in her presence. Was that normal? It all just seemed a little unsettling… Why would she only talk with Joel present? Something was going on…

It was barely half an hour before, the knob to the front door shook followed by heavy knocking. Ava shot Ellie with a nervous look that the girl returned.

"Ellie?" A voice called out from the other side.

Joel. Both women let out a relieved huff of air that they hadn’t realised they were holding. Ellie allowing her head to roll back into the cushioned back of the couch in relief.

The blonde made her way striding toward the front door, opening it to meet the man. Ready to demand answers but the words didn’t manage to formulate in time before his attention fell elsewhere.

As expected, Joel gave her a confused look. Why was she in his house? His eyes were quick to dart past her and land on Ellie, immediately noticing the injuries to her face and neck. He brushed past the blondes shoulder, rushing a clearly agitated march to the girls side.

He gently brushed the pad of his fingertip over the purple bruising that was quickly growing over her neck.

"Who did this?" He demanded harshly, shooting his head toward Ava.

She didn't shy away from his glare, matching his stern expression. She had damn questions of her own that needed answers. "Another kid."

Before Joel could say another word, she shot the question that really mattered in this moment "She wouldn't talk without you here. So now that you are, what the fuck is that on her arm?"

Joel straightened himself, his eyes growing wide as his jaw slackened before letting out a deep sigh, glancing back to Ellie. Shit.

The teenager swallowed before telling her story of the events that happened at the recreational space a mere hour ago.

"Shit…" Joel muttered the thought out loud, rubbing the heel of his palm against his forehead.

"Other than Ava and the kid, did anyone else see?" He asked next.

Ellie looked nervously towards the floor and mumbled "about seven others…"

Deep in thought, Joel began to pace around the living area. This was not good… Fuck! 

Ava stood leant against the fireplace, arms crossed with her jaw ticking at the fact that neither of them had still given her an answer to what she thought was a fairly simple bloody question.

"Can one of you please tell me what the fuck is going on?" The blonde exclaimed, slapping her palms against the sides of her thighs.

The older man sighed deeply and hesitated as he looked between Ava and Ellie. His jaw clenched as he debating on telling her the truth - or at least some of it.

Ellie shrugged before going back to fiddling with a loose thread on the couch arm. "I mean, she's already seen it and not shot me so far so if it keeps it that way..."

Joel let out another sigh as he beckoned for the woman to follow him into the kitchen. He pulled a chair out for her before sitting down opposite, his elbows resting on the table.

"Ellie ain't my kid…" He started.

—-----------------------------———————

Joel spent the next few minutes explaining how Ellie got the bite and the truth behind how he came across the girl and how they ended up in Jackson. Of course, still changing his story of what happened in the hospital to match his lie to the version he told Ellie.

Ava smacked her lips together before pressing them into a thin line, brows knitted as she worked on processing this ground breaking information. Immune?? "Wow, okay... and only Tommy knows this?"

He nodded without breaking eye contact, although he did have reason to suspect that Tommy had at least told Maria part of the story by now.

"What are you going to do?" She asked knowing damn well that there would shortly be a man hunt looking to the girl with the accused bite mark. At least one of those kids would have gone crying back to their parents and it wasn’t an accusation the residents would take lightly.

Joel rubbed his fists into his eyes, a subtle headache forming in the front of his mind. Stress. "I need to speak with Tommy."

Ava gave him a small smile, reaching across the table and gently squeezing his forearm, sensing the heavy burden he was carrying. His muscles instantly twitching tense beneath her touch. She swallowed thickly, removing her hand before standing up and moving toward the counter. She picked up the ice pack she had prepared, before making her way over to Ellie, perching herself next to her. She carefully pressed the pack against Ellie's now purple skin, holding it in place. Joel followed her out of the room, just a few paces behind, stopping to lean against the wall whilst debating the next move. His eyes briefly dancing over the interaction between the two girls. How was she okay with this? Why is she helping them?

Within a few moments, both adults became alert to the vibration of low baritone’s from just outside the house. 

"I think this is the house." They could hear men's voices from outside of the walls.

Joel had clocked the hand gun within Ava's pant pocket and swiftly pulled it from her as he pushed past and barged through the front door.

"Joel don't!" The blonde called out after him, hastily straightening herself up to follow him out of the door. A hope to prevent him from making a choice that he would end up regretting.

Joel stood out on the porch, the gun at his side as he stared down the strangers that stood outside his property.

"Get out of the way, mate. She's infected. You can't protect her." One of the men spoke sternly.

Joel didn't falter. His voice firm and stance defensive, "You ain't touchin' her." 

The second man shook his head disapprovingly and went to advance forward. Without hesitation, Joel shot the loaded gun in the man's general direction, the bullet embedding into the ground at his feet and causing the stranger to stumble back in shock. Joel didn’t intend to hit him, the shot serving as a stark warning. If he had to shoot again however…

"If I have to shoot again, I promise ya now that I’ll drop your body dead on the fuckin’ floor." He warned as he loaded and aimed again.

The sound of the gun shot had alerted a number of people. It wasn't a normal sound from around here. After all, the majority of residents were not armed. Seconds later, Tommy sprinted around the corner. He briefly stopped dead with an exasperated look on his face once he realised it was his own brother holding the weapon in question. 

With two men outside the house and Joel very much on the defense. It didn't take rocket science for Tommy to realise what had happened. He quickly jogged over and placed himself between his brother and the two men.

"Leave, I'll deal with it." Tommy instructed strictly with the two men immediately backing off.

The younger brother shook his head the moment they were out of sight, snatching the firearm from his brother's grip.

—----------------------------------—————————-

The four of them sat in the living area discussing in depth the events that had happened that day and how it had made the young girl a walking target in the community.

"We gotta tell people, there ain't another choice. Not now." Tommy announced.

"And if they don't take it well?" Joel questioned.

"The fact she's got a bite mark is gonna spread like wildfire. Surely, knowin’ about her condition is going to be better accepted. It's out Joel, you can't cover it up no more." the brother continued.

Ellie sat in silence curled up in the corner of the couch, picking at the scarring on her arm. Joel glanced at her and sighed "Fine."

Tommy sucked his teeth "We'll need to speak to the rest of the council and arrange an urgent meeting. Now. Before this gets out of hand and you end up fuckin’ killin’ someone…"

Joel's gaze didn't leave the teenager. He didn't want to leave her alone, not whilst the entire town was out to get her. Ava was still positioned next to the girl on the couch, she placed a comforting hand on the girls knee before averting Joel's attention. It was as if she could sense his apprehension. "Go on, I'll stay with her."

It was barely noticeable over the stress he was feeling but Joel offered her a small thankful smile, one that was no more than a twitch to the lip before moving off of the sofa and turning towards Tommy "Come on, let's get this shit done and over with…"

Chapter Text

It was nearing midnight by the time Joel had arrived back to the house. He carefully unlocked the door making a conscious effort to be quiet knowing that Ellie was likely to be sound asleep by this point. He moved soundlessly as he closed the door behind him and made his way over to the couch to check up on the teen. He was right, the girl was knocked out against the cushions, breathing steadily through her nose. Ava was parked on the other side of the sofa, her head rested back on the top as she too had drifted off. 

He wasn't entirely sure why but the fact that the woman had fallen asleep on his couch made him feel somewhat uncomfortable. She was asleep. In his house.

He exhaled through his nose as he walked past her to take a seat in the old worn armchair in the corner, purposely nudging the leather boot she had rested on the foot stall in hopes that it would cause her to stir.

Her eyes fluttered open as a yawn escaped her. She was quick to notice Joel who was now sitting to the right of her, eyes trained awkwardly on the large hands in his lap. "Sorry, I must have fallen asleep... How long have you been sat there?"

Joel raised his brows at her, pupils flickering up to hers. "I've just got back."

Ava took a breath as she recovered from her nap, she looked down to her wrist checking the time, her face dropping upon realising the late hour.

"How's she been?" He asked, regaining the blondes attention.

"She's been quiet but I think that's to be expected. She did start telling me bits about your two's journey... She's a good kid." She nodded, her expression soft as she gazed almost sadly at the young girl beside her.

Joel simply nodded in agreement as his soft focus also landed on Ellie. Watching her sleeping form in the corner of the couch. It still amazed him about how deeply the kid could sleep, especially after all she's seen in her short time. He was almost envious. He hadn't had the pleasure of sleeping like that in... decades.

Ava spoke again, her voice mellow and smooth as she brought him back into the room "How'd it go? We heard the bell go off but I thought it would be best if she stayed out of the way..."

He cleared his throat, a rough palm dragging down the lower part of his face. Exhaustion slowly creeping in. "We explained the basics to the rest of the council and an emergency meet was called. Some people are skeptical but the majority accepted it..."

She smiled smally, an attempt to reassure the man who so clearly cared about the child passed out next to her. "I'm sure when they see her up and around over the next few days, it'll put their minds at ease."

There was a moment of silence as they reflected on the events of the day before Ava found herself yawning once more.  "I'm gonna head off. I hope she feels a little more perky in the morning."

Joel bobbed his head, a yawn escaping his own mouth "Thank you... for watchin' her." 

Ava responded with a tired smile before making her way to the front door. She hesitated as she reached the frame, glancing back over her shoulder to the man who was still slumped into the arm chair. She spoke softly, her expression even more so, "Hey...You're doing a good job."

His lips formed a subtle upwards curve in response, an appreciative nod followed that sent her on her way. His gaze not leaving her retreating figure until the front door quietly clicked shut, her softly spoken words repeating in his mind. You're doing a good job.

He let out a deep sigh, allowing the stress to escape his weary body for a moment. He paced over to the teen, scooping her up into his arms before moving her up to her own bed. It had been a long afternoon.

—-------------------------------------------------———

Monday morning was soon to come around, a gentle spring breeze squeezing through the gaps in the windows corroded seals, leaving exposed skin pebbles. The next job on his to do list for the house he could now call home.  Joel decided against waking Ellie. She was still very much bruised up and needed the additional rest to recover, not only that but if he was being honest with himself, he wasn't quite ready to let her out of his sight. He had agreed to take her out of school for the next few days whilst the community came to terms with her condition and she recovered. The last thing he wanted was for her to be targeted any further.

There was a sudden knock at the front door. Joel cautiously padded over, still on edge that it could be someone after the poor girl upstairs. He felt his tense muscles relax a smidge once he realized that the person on the other side was just Maria. 

"Morning, Joel." She spoke. Her tone very matter of fact as it usually was, when she was around him.

"Mornin'. "

Initially he kept his position in front of the door frame but after the woman gave him a certain questioning look, he moved to the side allowing her in.

"How's Ellie doing?" She asked as she headed over to the table pulling out the contents of her bag.

Joel looked on curiously "She's still sleepin' but looks to all be superficial."

Maria nodded, initially not making eye contact but then raising her head to face the man once she had arranged her items "I've bought some Boswellia and Turmeric. They are both natural pain and inflammatory relief. Add some to her drink or food and it should help."

Joel bobbed his head with his hands resting on his hips as he listened to her explain how to use the supplements and what they can be used for. It was very temporary but he briefly let his defensive demeanor subside. "Thanks."

Maria left the small bags on the table before slinging her bag back over her shoulder. She nodded at him as she passed. She paused as she reached the front door, as if she was hesitant on speaking but chose to anyway. Her voice remaining stern and blunt, with no attempt to hide the discontent she felt for her brother-in-law, "For the record, I didn't appreciate you asking Tommy to hide this from me. Perhaps this all could have been avoided if you told the truth initially."

Immediately, his defense was back up but before the man could respond, she had already closed the door behind her and walked off. He let out a deep sigh. He knew that it was probably the truth. In his mind, he was doing it to protect her... all of his lies were to protect the girl from harm. This lie just happened to cause more harm than good in the long run. His thoughts went back to the day at the hospital, he still couldn't bear the thought of telling Ellie the bleak truth... Surely this lie had to be for the best?

—-------------------------------------

Monday evening was quick to roll around. Ellie had eventually awoken in the early afternoon. Joel had persuaded her to jump in the shower and consume the two pain relieving herbs in a glass of water. It didn't taste great but to her surprise within a short space of time, she did start to feel the benefits.

With it being a Monday, it did mean that Joel was scheduled down for his usual watch shift at the usual time. Understandably, Ellie wanted the comfort of her own bed and wasn't particularly keen on staying around Tommy and Maria's. With a bit of persuasion, Joel was able to persuade Tommy to instead come over to their house and sit.

Joel made his way to his usual station. Much to his surprise, Ava was already set up and waiting for him.

"You're early." He stated as she passed him over his preferred shot gun.

"Eddie took my shift at the shop this afternoon so I was able to grab our stuff and head straight up." She confirmed as she focused on loading her own firearm, back leant against the wall.

Once the weapon was appropriately loaded, she set it down beside her and slid down the solid surface to join Joel on the ground, her attention flickering over to him. "How is she today?"

He cleared his throat before answering "Uh, yeah. Maria dropped by with some herbal shit which seems to have helped with the pain."

Ava nodded before her curiosity got the best of her, "So how did it happen? Y'know realising she was immune? Most would have shot her on sight..."

He swallowed thickly, his right hand coming up to rub the back of his neck as he recalled the early days of their journey from Boston, "I wasn't involved at that point. Apparently she snuck into a restricted area in the QZ, got bit and then the head of the Fireflies in the area found her... I'm guessin’ the bite was already not deemed as new by that point..." 

He paused as thoughts of Marlene crossed his mind. There was an element of guilt... not the guilt of murdering the woman, the guilt was more for lying about it. He shook himself out of the thought and scoffed upon realising the sheer amount of information he had unveiled about himself to the young woman beside him, "Shit, somehow in a matter of weeks you've managed to get more information out of me than people who have known me for years... Yet, I still don't even know your last name."

Ava chuckled at his sudden awareness. "Ah yes, the ‘mystery man’ persona is definitely wearing off." She halted for a brief second with a smug grin to watch him roll his eyes before acknowledging the second part of his statement, "Monroe... that's my last name."

"Okay Ava Monroe, you know my story... What's yours?" He pressed. Eyes trained on her chocolate ones, almost finding himself desperate to learn more about her.

He watched as the woman's face dropped at the thought of her past. He could sense her hesitate. Shit, came on too strong… "You don't have to-"

The blonde was quick to interrupt him. He’d opened up to her, it was only fair. "No, it's okay... It's just… It’s a little hard to get the words out sometimes."

Joel adjusted himself slightly towards her, brows raised and focus attentive to show that he was listening. 

Ava took in a deep breath before beginning her story. One that she tried to push deep, deep down. The horrific and traumatic events that ended up shaping her late teens and early twenties. "Before outbreak it was my Dad, Mom, older sister and I. We lost my sister on outbreak day... My Dad got infected about a year after and my Mom had to uh, well… shoot him... So for a long time it was just us two, although her having to kill my Dad left a big mental scar. She eventually took her own life when I was seventeen and then I was alone…"

She paused for a further few seconds whilst she found the words to continue. Taking a few deep breaths to keep control of her emotions. The past hurt for most people and whilst they learned to live with it, it often felt raw when having to talk about it in depth.

Joel stayed quiet and for a moment, almost felt empathetic towards her. Just within a couple of sentences, it was clear that she too had lost everything... just as he did but seventeen years old? That was no age to be navigating this godforsaken world alone…

Ava inhaled another breath of oxygen, allowing the air to rejuvenate her lungs and provide her with the encouragement to continue, choosing to keep the details of her journey vague. The man beside her didn’t need to know the lengths she took to survive and not feel alone...  "I went home for a bit then managed to find my way to Butte QZ, I stayed there for a bit before that crashed, then moved onto Dillon where the same thing happened. It was very much like that for a long time, constantly moving... nowhere seemed to stay safe for long. Eventually I crossed into Wyoming and shortly after that, I was captured by a group of raiders... Young woman travelling alone, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner..."

Joel found his breath catching at the mention of raiders. His mind casting back to a time where he would have been referred to as a raider himself and the crimes he committed during that period. His group only killed for gain, there wasn't anything more to it. No torture or abuse involved. Only targeting other grown men where possible…Just lure in, kill and take whatever they had on them. It was a part of his past that he tried his best to push to the back of his mind. He wasn't proud of what he had done but at the time, it seemed like a necessary to survive. His head dipped so subtly that it wasn’t at all noticeable, keeping quiet and allowing her to continue.

"They um, didn't intend on killing me straight away... they kept me around for their own perverse benefit. I was tortured and abused on a daily basis for months as they dragged me around with them. At one point, I thought I heard them talk about a buyer down south for me…It was terrifying... At some point I cracked and I knew I had to try and break free. Stupidly, I thought that if I told them that I thought I was pregnant, they might just let me go... Instead, they stabbed me in the stomach and dragged me out to the lake to bleed out... That's when Maria and her guys caught sight of them. They shot each one of them dead then brought me back here and patched me up... That was about six years ago." Ava concluded, eye contact dropping to focus on a spot on the ground whilst she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, unsure to whether she had shared too much. She sniffled slightly in order to contain her composure.

She could have divulged more. Given him the details of her shady time between the various QZ's, what happened within those zones. The measures she had to take to just simply survive but they weren't important anymore. She was tempted but it felt like a stupid move. She'd only known him a short time and before today he hadn’t even known her surname, yet here she was rattling off her life story. He didn't need to know every intricate detail. She wasn't that person any more, he didn't need to know that girl. She didn't need nor want the sympathy or pity... not that he seemed the type to hand that out but still...

There was a couple of moments of silence before Joel swallowed thickly "M’sorry you had to go through all of that."

She awkwardly shrugged, not sure how to respond, "Ellie's very lucky that she had you to look out for her."

The corner of his lips curled upward a small amount as he recalled the times that the kid had his back. Back in Kansas city with the young kiddie that snuck up on him… Colorado when he found himself knocking on deaths door… "We looked out for each other, the kid saved my ass more times than I'd like to admit."

"I bet." She responded, a soft half smile forming onto her lips.

His eyes took a second to scan her face. Shit, she was so goddamn pretty. His smile dropped as the topic of conversation took over his mind and he let out a small sigh, thinking about the main cause of Ellie's nightmares and how she never fully told him all the details to what happened to her when she was caught herself by David and his men. His mind then also drifted to a conversation he had with Tommy a couple of weeks back about him picking up an evening patrol route once a week. "I know I'm gonna have to start picking up a patrol shift soon... not sure how she's gonna like spending a few hours on her own in the evening, especially now…"

Ava hesitated before voicing her sudden solution, hoping herself that she wasn’t being too intrusive, "I mean, we both seemed to get on okay last night... If I'm about, I could always stay with her until you're back?... At least until she feels okay staying on her own?" 

Joel paused to think about her offer, it wasn't what he was trying to push on her. If he was honest, it hadn't even crossed his mind but it could work "I'll speak with her."

Chapter Text

It wasn't too long after when Tommy had approached Joel once again regarding the evening patrol shift on a Wednesday. Joel knew it was coming. Maria had made it clear that patrols were a big part of the community the first time him and Ellie passed through so it was no surprise and of course Tommy had mentioned it in passing a few times since. 

Ellie was the number one reason why he had been trying to push it back. He knew damn well that she wouldn't want to be left on her own, especially with the knowledge that he was outside of the wall and he couldn't expect Tommy and Maria to have her a second night, not with Maria being due within in the next two months. He couldn't delay starting any longer, he had hoped Ellie would be back to the independent terror she was when they first met but he guessed too much had happened since then. She'd seen and experienced too much to completely go back to that innocence of believing she could take on the world and the events from the other week had only pushed her progress back.

Joel didn't particularly want to take Ava up on her offer. He knew it would work for Ellie but it was more the fact of him letting the woman into his life that little bit more, she had already gained more information on him than he initially wanted and the more he thought about it... thought about her... the more uncomfortable it made him feel. He was never good with letting new people in, even before outbreak, no matter how attractive he found them. 

What scared him the most was how easy he found talking to her, how easy it was for him to open up- even if by mistake. He partially blamed Ellie for how he had come to let down his walls, after all, she was the first to break through his barriers and they had never fully built back up…but it wasn't the time to be selfish, he needed to fulfil his patrol duties and Ellie needed someone there whilst he wasn't around- at least for the time being. He suppressed his own concerns on the matter and approached the woman in order to query if her offer still stood. Thankfully it did with a warm smile.

——————————————————————

"What time are you going?" Ellie queried as she watched the older man search for his pocket knife and then stuff it into his jeans pocket.

"In about fifteen minutes." He answered without looking back at her, eyes still focused on searching through his belongings for anything that could be deemed as useful.

Without even pausing for a breath she quizzed him further. The unease now apparent in her voice at the concern of her guardian having to go back out there. "When will you get back?"

He hesitated his movements upon picking up on her tone. A sympathetic breath leaving his lungs as he turned to face the young girl that was lingering by the door frame of his bedroom. "The patrol is about a three hour circuit. By the time that's done and hand over is complete probably 'bout ten thirty... maybe eleven" 

With that there was a knock at the door and Joel made his way down to answer, squeezing past Ellie who remained absorbing the information before following his steps. 

Ava stood on the other side of the front door with an off white linen bag filled with... stuff? Joel raised a brow as he clocked onto her bag.

"Girl's night." Ava simply responded with a bright smile, as if it was such an obvious thing.

The man turned over his shoulder to make eye contact with the teen that was sat a few metres behind him on the bottom step of the stair case, who was now looking visibly curious. He decided not to press any further and stepped a side to let the blonde in.

She made her way straight into the living room, a curious Ellie following closely behind as she placed her bag on the coffee table. The young girl slumping down into the couch as she eyed up the mysterious bag.

"Is there like, a time she needs to go to bed?" Ava asked, her attention flickering over her shoulder to Joel. She'd never sat a kid before so she wasn't entirely sure how it all worked. She picked up a few things from when her parents would hire baby sitters when she was a child but she was much younger than Ellie at that point and so it was all just very vague memories.

Ellie scrunched up her face. A set bed time? What was she… twelve? What a ridiculous question…

Joel was quick to notice the girls expression and smirked resulting in her sarcastically raising her eyebrows "Whenever you're sick of her." 

Before conversation went any further the man was quick to interject "I'm gonna head off. Don’t be a menace, kiddo."

He flung his rucksack over his shoulder and subsequently exited out of the front door, leaving the two girls in the living room.

—————————————————————

Ellie leant forward and lifted the handle of the bag, peaking at the contents inside.

"Sooo, what's in the bag?" She asked curiously. Brows furrowing as she tried to make out the snippet of a glimpse that she got.

Ava gave her a grin with a raised brow, amused by the kids nerve to almost help herself. "I'll show you in a bit but first, have you eaten yet?"

The teen shook her head in response "There's some tins in the cupboard…"

The older woman made her way into the kitchen with Ellie following closely behind but waiting back slightly in the arch way. Ava crouched down as she sifted through the contents of the shelves.

"Twenty year old ravioli and crackers, huh?" Sarcasm was clear in her tone. She paused for a couple of seconds as she reached to the back of the cupboard pulling forward an additional can resulting in a snort "and even a can of vegetables."

Ellie scratched the back of her head "Yeah, Joel's not much of a chef…" 

The woman looked back at the girl slightly bewildered. She hadn’t seen much of them in the cafeteria on an evening so did that mean that they had been surviving off old canned processed shit all this time? "Neither am I but I can put a basic meal together using fresh produce!"

Ellie pursed her lips and nodded. "Yeah... Neither of us were a fan of charcoaled carrots and undercooked chicken." Her face winced at the memory from a few weeks ago. Joel had spotted the chicken was still pink before he’d consumed it… Ellie on the other hand had already almost polished off her portion before he spoke up, resulting in her having a rather upset stomach for the days that followed…

Ava chuckled to herself, shaking her head "Jesus Christ... Right, come with me. We're going to trade some of these cans in for fresh food. I know a fishing trip went out this morning so we can take a look at what's been brought back."

The teen gave her a concerned and subtly disgusted look, "Fish?"

This earned a laugh from the blonde as she got to her feet placing several cans on top of the counter ready to be traded in "Yes and these fish haven't been vacuum packed into a can and left for twenty years. Believe me, fresh is definitely best!"

—————————————————

The pair headed off to the food market hall and returned no more than half hour later with a small mouth bass, a handful of potatoes and a broccoli. Ava spent the time preparing their meal whilst talking Ellie through each step. How to correctly gut the fish- herself gagging during the process causing the teen to fall into a heap of giggles at her expense, how to peel the potatoes and how to boil the broccoli. Cooking was a life skill and the blonde deemed it important for the teen to learn how to prepare a basic meal.

Once the meal was cooked through and dished up, both girls took a seat at the table and began to dig in.

Ellie forced her fork into one of the boiled spuds before chewing down with a crunch. "I think the potatoes could have done with a little longer"

The blonde chuckled to herself and in between mouthfuls retorted back to the young girl "Hey, I did say that I wasn't much of a chef either."

Ellie smirked at the woman's response before allowing her expression to fall into a more appreciative and genuine smile, "still the best meal I've had in a looong time. You were right, the fish is amazing!"

There were a few moments of silence as the pair polished off their plates. The silence didn't last long however once Ellie remembered that she still didn't get an answer to her question earlier regarding the contents of the bag.

"So, can I know what's in the bag yet?" The girl asked as Ava moved their empty plates into the washing up bowl she prepared earlier.

Ava looked over her shoulder at the teen and a knowing smile grew on her face, "When I was here the other night, I noticed that there was an old video cassette player on the shelf under the TV... I figured that if we can get it working, we could watch a movie?"

"You've bought a movie over!?" The girl beamed as she hopped off her chair and made her way straight to the bag, pulling out the cassettes stuffed inside.

"Only if we can get the player to work!" The blonde called out after her.

————————————————

Ava sat on the rug in the living room with the old video home system placed in front of her. Ellie stood over her anxiously as she watched the women fiddle about with the various wires and buttons.

"So this should plug into here…" she mumbled to herself, tailing the sentence off nonchalantly before going quiet as she waited for the cassette player to respond.

 "aaand bingo!" She continued with a grin as she watched the piece of technology power up.

Ellie's eyes lit up as she scooted down to her knees beside the blonde, hovering over the awe worthy device.  "It's working?"

Ava nodded excitedly for her, she knew that the teen probably never had access to something like this in the QZ or well, ever and she'd be in for a treat. She pointed towards the cassettes that Ellie had pulled out beforehand "Go pick a movie."

The teen didn't hesitate for even a second before scrambling back to her feet and rushing over to the table where the video cassettes were spread. There was the choice of three; Jurassic Park, Ghost Busters and Stuart Little. All fantastic classics.

She grabbed for one of the videos before looking back to Ava "I've heard of this one... about the dinosaurs, right?"

Ava simply responded with a hum as she nodded her head.

Ellie beamed at the confirmation, waving the tape around excitedly in her hand, "Dinosaurs are fucking cool. We're watching this one!"

The girl bounded over to the cassette player and inserted the video before looking to the blonde for confirmation on pressing the 'play' button.

Ava had already taken her seat on the couch, her legs curled up to the side of her and Ellie was quick to join her.

Ellie was completely engrossed from the moment the movie started. Ava had watched the film a few time previously and whilst it was still enjoyable she found her self finding more enjoyment from watching Ellie see it for the first time. Her facial expressions changing at each scene, being completely immersed in this new world on the screen and temporarily forgetting the ongoing horrors of the world around her. A sense of pride that she was able to grant this child with a temporary escape from reality.

Ellie found herself distracted part way through by the noise of items being placed on the coffee table. She looked over to Ava who had placed several small and colourful glass bottles onto the surface.

A confused expression washed over the girls face, "What's that?"

"This is nail paint. You put it on your nails to add a bit of colour" Ava explained, demonstrating by adding licks of pink to her own nails.

Ellie's brows furrowed as she watched, quite liking the end look. "Can I do mine?"

Ava’s lips curved into a bright smile whilst holding her palm out flat. "Sure! You keep watching the film and I'll do it."

Ellie hesitantly placed her hand in Ava's. Her soft touch felt foreign but their was something comforting about it. The blonde looked at Ellie with her lips pursed and then towards the various bottles on the table. "I reckon, the blue would look awesome on you."

The teen relaxed with a smile as she turned her head to continue watching the prehistoric adventure on the screen whilst the blonde delicately painted the blue colour onto her fingers, “You’ll just need to not touch anything until it dries…”

The pair continued on to watch the movie almost in silence apart from the occasional gasp from Ellie when a particular shocking or adrenaline induced moment happened. 

All movies come to an end and eventually the finishing credits began to run down the screen.

"That. Was. Awesome!" Ellie beamed, her grin almost reaching ear to ear as she slowly enunciated each word.

Ava let out a laugh at the girls excitement.

"The way the fucking T-Rex just swallowed the guy on the toilet! And the raptors in the kitchen! So fucking cool!" The girl continued with the same level on enthusiasm, almost bouncing out of her seat as she recapped her favourite scenes.

She paused for a brief second before whipping her head back around to the blonde. "Can we put it on again?"

Ava let out another chuckle before getting up to rewind the film back to the start,  "Of course."

——————————————————

It appeared that a proper meal and an evening of new found excitement had taken its toll on the teen. Within the first twenty minutes of the repeat, she had completely passed out on her corner of the couch, head rested against the cushioned arm. Ava too found her own eyes beginning to feel heavy. She was caught by surprise as the front door creaked open. It had been an enjoyable evening and apparently she had lost her sense of time believing it was much earlier than eleven pm.

"Evening." she yawned with a stretch as she repositioned her self to observe him move into the room.

Joel gave her a slight nod in acknowledgement as he slid his back pack off his shoulders, leaving it near the door. He thudded over to Ellie and let out a sigh knowing he'd have to carry her up to bed. She was sound and he didn't have it in him to reawaken her for the sake of two minutes.

"I, uh, better get her to bed." He stated gruffly as he scooped Ellie up into his arms before heading upstairs to put her to bed.

She didn't stir in the slightest and once he had pulled the sheets over her, Joel headed back down stairs.

He leant in the doorway upon noticing the TV screen flashing. He hadn’t even thought to try and see if the thing still worked since moving in… His eyes then flashed between the blonde and the cupboard at the back that stored his own stash of alcohol.

"You want a drink?" He asked, pushing his weight off of the frame.

Ava sleepily looked his way accepting his offer with a soft twitch to the lips, "one wouldn't hurt."

Joel went into the kitchen to grab two glasses before moving over to the oak cabinet that stood in the corner of the living room, pouring out two glasses of scotch before joining the blonde on the couch. He placed the second glass down on the coffee table and took a sip from his own.

He gestured towards screen with a nod as the golden liquid burned a warmth down his throat. "Jurassic park, right?"

"Yeah, second time it's been on this evening." she responded with a small chuckle as she too took a small sip, wincing as it went down.

Joel felt a slight nostalgia form as he began to watch the movie himself, eyes focused on the screen. "Damn, I can remember when this first came out…"

He paused for a moment as a genuine question popped to mind, brows knitting together as his attention flickered to the figure next to him.  "I thought you had to go to the movie hall to watch stuff?"

Ava nodded with a smile. "Any new movies we find go to the movie hall. Any copies we find are traded like anything else. I've got myself a little collection over the years…"

Joel again responded with a slight nod as he continued to watch the screen. He then thought back to Ellie... could he recall her nails being... painted?

His brow furrowed again as he noticed Ava's fingers were also coloured. This place really was borderline normal, it was… bizarre! "Ellie let you paint her nails? Seems like somethin' that'd be too girly for her..."

The blonde chuckled to herself as she admired her own nails beneath the soft glow of the television, "Yeah... I don't think she knew it was seen as girly. She just thought it was cool to have colourful nails."

Joel snorted with a small smirk, there were many seemingly ordinary things that Ellie would find mesmerising. It just went to show how different the world was these days.

 "She been alright for you though?" He asked, leaning back into the cushions of the couch, glass still in hand.

Ava nodded, twisting her own position to face him better, encouraging for the conversation to continue. "Yeah, we've had a great evening filled with dinosaurs and nail paint."

He let out a sigh in relief that it went well. His focus on the liquid he was carefully swirling around his cup as he responded with a simple ‘good’. It then crossed his mind that it was Ellie's birthday in just a couple of weeks. Her being not so subtly in reminding him pretty much every day over the past month. After all that had happened in the last year, he wanted to do something special for her, to let her be a kid for at least one day.

"So dinosaurs and space seem to be her interests. Any ideas on what I can do around here for her birthday?" He asked curiously. It was two common topics of interest for kids so surely someone around here had done something for their kids birthday previously.

Ava grinned as she toppled her glass towards him. "So, I do have Jurassic park two as well" 

She then paused for a second and knitted her brows together as she thought, something else… something bigger and better crossing her mind. "Actually ... now I don't know how accessible it is but there is a museum a few hours walk from here to the south."

"A museum?" He repeated, intrigued to know more.

The blonde nodded "Yeah, I came across it a couple years back. I'm sure that has both dinosaurs and space…"

A small tug pulled on one side of Joel's lips. It sounded ideal if safe enough, just needed to calculate the logistics and complete a trial run…With his mind still very much occupied by the topic of the museum, he unheedingly he leant across Ava to reach for the television remote, almost forgetting who she was and that she was still in-fact  there. He felt her body flinch back into the cushions, pulling him out of his daydream. “I, uhh…”

The pair locked eyes, initially in an awkward panic but then the air around them changed as they searched each others faces. After what felt like a lifetime, the blonde broke the silence.

"Perhaps, I could show you where the museum is?" Ava whispered breathily as she felt her heart rate increase. Her face just inches away from his.

Joel swallowed thickly and nodded slightly, neither of them pulling back. His eyes carefully searched hers, a rich chocolate colour a shade lighter than his own, pulling him in before his attention then flickered down to her naturally plump lips, ever so slightly parted as he leant forwards and locked his mouth gently against hers.

It lingered a few seconds as Ava relaxed into him, allowing her lips to massage against his and then eventually attempting to deepen their kiss, moving her hand up and around to the back of his neck, her dainty fingers carding through the loose curls on the nape of his neck as she granted him access to her mouth. 

So fucking soft and the fresh scotch on her lips so damn sweet…So much easier to appreciate now that he was… fuck, he was sober. Both of them sober…There it was again. That wave of guilt and the feeling of fear about letting someone new in that washed over Joel, nearly drowning him. He abruptly ripped himself away from her, shaking his head as he pinched between his brow.

Ava scoffed as she watched him. Confusion, embarrassment and a small amount of hurt began to eat away at her. She fiddled with her hands awkwardly hoping that he'd say something… anything. She waited patiently for a moment, not a single word escaped from him as he sat there with his eyes squeezed shut and fingers pinching the bridge of his nose... plain regret splattered all across his face. He couldn't even look at her. 

Without a second thought, she stood up and grabbed her belongings, voice gritted with mortification, "I should leave."

Chapter Text

It was as if his brain had disintegrated leaving behind nothing but mindless dust. Why the fuck did he just do that? There was no excuse this time other than his semi-subconscious desire to devour the poor young woman. The shame and guilt came crashing over him like a tsunami, not even the sensory pleasure of her soft lips on his could stop him from ripping away. Too close, way too fucking close! He couldn't think on what to say and didn't know how to even look at her, knowing that she'd want an explanation of some sorts.

He’d already talked himself out of the age concern, he did that long ago upon finding himself with a sultry image of her in his mind whilst letting off some steam one night. Sarah was twelve, would always be twelve… they were categorically not the same age! Ava was a grown, consenting beautiful woman in her thirties, not a teenager and definitely not his daughter. It really wasn't about that anymore. 

Now his guilt only stemmed back to Tess and what she must be thinking of him. How she'd react if she saw him all giddy and damn right stupid over a woman that was not only young enough to be his goddamn daughter but one he had only just met. Even though he was fully aware that she was gone, he couldn't help but think that she'd be looking down on him with disgust at how quickly he was able to move on from her, how easily swayed he had been by something so pretty and… willing?

It was a thought that helped him cope through her loss to start with. That she was watching him from above as he fulfilled her dying wish, just as she asked… well, almost. Now, since the events that had happened at the hospital and after, the thought of her otherworldly presence now haunted him. That he'd let her down, that he failed her once more.

He knew that Tess had loved him almost unconditionally for many years, sticking like glue at his side through the thick and thin and loving him despite all of the terribly unsavoury crimes that he had committed. He felt something back… he’d call it love for now to make him feel remotely better about the way he treated her for the best part of twenty years… but the issue was that he was too damn broken and closed off to let it show even though that was all she wanted from him, for him to show that he loved her back…

He knew that if Tess was still alive and was here in Jackson with him today, it would all be different. That they’d be sharing this home together, Ellie being the kid they shared in the absence of any of their own. That he'd be able to give her the relationship that she so desperately wanted from him- the connection he also wanted deep down, the one he starved himself of. Jackson was safe, it wasn't just about survival anymore. He could now focus on his wants…It was Ellie had changed him enough to make him realise this. That life was too short and the world was too shitty to deprive himself of any slither of happiness. This was where the guilt stemmed from… he could have been happy long ago if he had just given himself over to Tess in full…

There was no denying that he found Ava almost unbearably attractive but the haunting thoughts of Tess’s ghostly presence watching over his shoulder just prevented him from acting upon anything he felt towards her.

His thoughts abruptly disrupted by the pretty blonde snatching her belongings off of the coffee table and swiftly heading towards the door without so much as looking back.

Fucking great. More guilt. More shame. He liked her, perhaps more than he wanted to admit to himself. He indicated that the first time he kissed her meant nothing, just a drunken mistake and that they would only just be friends. Well, he'd ruined that now… he’d ruined that nights ago when her body was the one he pictured as he pleasured himself in the damn shower. He could see it so clearly now… at no point were they ever going to be ‘just friends’. He found himself in quite the predicament.

He swallowed thickly and let out a deep sigh before going after the blonde.

"Wait!" He called out as he shut the front door behind him.

Ava was partially down the steps of the porch before stopping and looking back over her shoulder. She hesitated a couple of seconds with furrowed brows before making her decision to hear him out, fully turning herself around and walking back up to meet him on the decking of his wrap around porch.

It was more than clear from her expression that she was hurt and confused by his behaviour. Her demeanour tense and ready to defend what was left of her dignity.

Her voice was surprisingly quiet but still remained firm with a subtly quiver. As if she was hiding herself from the world that she so desperately wanted to suck her up in the moment, yet still she wanted her answers. "What is this?"

Joel glanced to the floor under heavily knitted brows whilst trying to find the words. How the fuck does he explain this? The blonde didn't pause long enough for him to come up with an answer as she continued through almost gritted teeth with what was briskly becoming a rant.

"The first time, we were drunk and you said it was a mistake. I understood that. Tonight, you were sober. You kissed me. You initiated it!..and then you just pull back looking disgusted." She gulped and paused for a breath. 

Her voice became louder as her emotions seeped through, "I've told you about my fucking past and how those men treated me! I want to trust you, Joel but you can't keep doing this. It's not fair!"

Shame. He understood where she was coming from. He’d heard her words… shit, he’d seen with his own two eyes on multiple occasions what men like them do to women like her. Shredding their softness apart, sucking their identity from their bodies before swiftly taking their lives. He was not one of them. It was never his intention to purposely hurt her. 

He inhaled a sharp breath whilst nodding in response, his eyes trained to the wooden decking below. If only she knew that his past was still was hurting him too.

Ava stifled a sniffle in an attempt to not let any further emotion spill out. To not allow this man stood in front of her to see her so vulnerable- she grown from that. Spent countless amount of time moulding herself into something other than the scared, vulnerable girl that landed on Jackson’s doorstep six years ago. 

She was fully aware that she needed to keep her voice down. Ellie was just above them and she didn't need the young girl to hear or know any of this, "I just need to know where I stand. Am I just help? Are we friends? Or is this going to be something more?"

He spared her a fleeting glance before his eyes once again gravitated towards the floor as he thought about what to say next, what to do. Such a final decision to make… Help, friend or more? He’d already ruled out the middle option, that was for sure…He let out another deflated sigh. "Ava..."

He watched as she read his tone of voice. She waited for him to continue but his words wouldn't come out. His head dipped slightly as he watched her slam her eyes in exasperation and subtly shake her head in disbelief. It seemed like such an easy question for him to answer…She even laid out all of the available options, he just needed to choose the card he wanted to play. She went to once again turn around leave, deeming it a pointless conversation to continue. As far as she was concerned, his inability to answer her question spoke loud enough…

Joel took in a deep breath, Tommys words to him from the prior couple of weeks echoing around the cavity within his skull, 'if you do meet someone, don't push them away'. His brothers words repeated in his head acting almost like a trigger. Tess was gone, she wasn't coming back. Was he really going to accept a life of solitude in her absence? Perhaps Ava was his chance at a real new start? His chance to have a purpose again. If he didn’t do something now, he knew he would have blown his shot.

He reached out, catching ahold of her arm and pulling her back to face him once again. 

"M’sorry," he hushed and before allowing her a single beat to respond, his face dipped to her level, urgently catching back ahold of her lips with his own.

The muscles beneath her skin tensed as she was swung back around and into him, eyes wide with startlement before once again relaxing into his touch, before savouring the taste of his tongue on her own.

His hands slipped down from her arms and onto her waist. She pulled back at his touch, their noses still barely touching, eyes searching eyes whilst giving him the opportunity to run from whatever this was, as he had done so on both other occasions. This time he didn't so much as flinch, his softened gaze remained locked onto hers. This is what he wanted. 

Ava leant back into him once she felt she had her confirmation, more deeply than before. His grip tightened around her middle, pulling her flush against his body as her own hand ventured up behind the back of his neck, her fingers tangled within his greying loose curls.

Seconds? Minutes? Neither were particularly sure as they eventually pulled back for air, foreheads rested against one another. A few regulatory breaths later and Joel encased his large palm around hers, leading her by the hand to the fencing of the porch before leaning his weight back onto it. His brow furrowed as his focus dropped back down to the slats beneath his feet.

Regret? Shame? He looked like he wanted so say something but his actions were unreadable…The pretty blonde left feeling anxious over what was coming next… She could see him searching for the words to say but she couldn't help but ask the question that she so urgently needed answering.

Her eyes and voice softer than before, such a simple question."Do you want this or no?"

The man turned to face her, his eyes matching her softness but with a hint of sadness. He had to explain.

"I was with someone for a long time... She got bit and died less than a year ago…" He started. His tone very matter of fact as he forced back any emotion, his eyes trained to the floor as the words came out.

Ava let out a small sympathetic sigh alongside a gentle understanding nod. It explained his behaviour to some extent…He was still grieving.

Joel swallowed thickly and raised his eyes to meet her gaze "I like you, Ava... I don't regret what I just did. I just can't rush into anythin’."

The blonde gave him a subtle smile, her voice small but reassuring "We don't need to rush. We can just see what happens…"

He returned her small smile, giving a silent agreement to her words and she moved closer to rest her head against his chest, his arm coming to instinctively wrap around her shoulder. A small gesture that felt so natural.

"Just keep it between us for now. Can't be dealin' with other people nosin' about our business." Joel stated as he glanced up towards Ellie's bedroom.

She let out a small chuckle, only being able imagine Ellie’s face for if she were to find out and nodded in agreement. It was a relief to know where she now stood, to hopefully know that she wasn’t being taken advantage of…but after all she had been through, the distance she had maintained between herself and the notion of an intimate relationship for years now, it had become an anxiety inducing obstacle for her and so she agreed that keeping this potential newfound romantic partnership on the low whilst they got to know each other on a more intimate level was for the best.

Joel let out a small breath of relief at her agreement and brushed his lips against the crown of her soft pale hair. The guilt swirling in his gut still very much present but whilst the thoughts of Tess still actively ate away at him, there was something about currently having this women in his arms that felt right enough for him to ignore them.

Their bubble was promptly burst by the cries of the young girl they had both come to care for.

"Joel!" Ellie's voice whimpered from within the house.

The man quickly removed his arm from around Ava, cautious to not let the teen see them. If Ellie found out, it wouldn't stay a secret for very long. Loose lips, sink ships and all of that… Oh and he was not prepared to deal with the imminent crude comments that would come from her in an attempt to wind him up quite yet. 

Ava laughed knowingly. She took his hands back into her own and stepped in-front of him to a point in the porch that was not visible from any of the house windows and reached up to place a final sweet kiss upon his lips.

"Joel!" The voice called out a second time, this time louder and more demanding.

Joel let out a deep sigh, again his gaze not leaving hers "She's probably had another nightmare, I gotta go n’ check in on her…"

She nodded with a soft doe smile, squeezing the hand that was still loosely entangled with her own. "I'll leave you to it. Good night."

"G’night."

He lingered in the doorway for a few seconds as he watched her figure slink away and fade into the darkness. He let go of a deep breath that he hadn't realised he was holding. It was the first time in a very long time where he had felt such a feeling. Hope. He hoped that he made the right choice, he hoped that there was a potential future with this woman and that all of this guilt would dissipate eventually. 

——————————————————————-

He hurried up to Ellie and joined her at her bed side. The teen was in her usual position, scrunched up in the corner of her bed that laid flat against the wall, slightly trembling and breathing heavy.

By the time Joel had got to the girl, she had already started to calm her erratic breathing. Deep breath in, two, three and deep breath down. Some of the colour returning to her face.

"Nightmare again?" He asked empathetically whilst perched on the edge of the mattress.

Ellie thickly swallowed and gave a solemn nod. She paused a few seconds with her lids loosely closed to further calm herself. She attempted a small chuckle. "You're getting so fucking deaf."

A lop sides grin tugged to his lips, she was okay. He couldn’t help but slam his eyes at her apparent criticism, little shit. "I was outside seein' Ava off. Could hear you perfectly clear once I was back inside."

There was a further silence but Joel could still see  the slight tremble within the teen limbs.

"Was it about what happened at the resort again?" 

Ellie hesitantly bobbed her head, the heels of her palms coming up to wipe away the residual wetness on her cheeks. "uh...yeah."

Joel nodded and let out a deep sigh, his hands coming to rest into his lap as he raised his brows at the child. "I wish you would tell me what exactly happened to you that day…"

The teen began to fiddle with her fingers and redirected her eye contact "I don't wanna talk about it…"

He let out another deep sigh but didn't pry any further and instead just sat with her, changing the subject to a lighter topic until she eventually fell back to sleep. He had thought of so many sickening scenarios of what happened to her on that day. All he wanted was for her to tell him that they didn't touch her but the fact she refused to discuss the events that took place and the presence of the ongoing nightmares, it didn't fill his gut with a whole lot of hope. After hearing what happened to Ava and her experience of being captured by raiders, it only troubled him more. If only he was quicker… less deaf… she’d never had to endure any of it…

Chapter Text

Ellie stirred from her slumber and stretched her arms. She glanced at the wall to take note of the time 'Seven fifteen'. She was quick to notice the unusual silence of the house. Joel was usually an early riser and was often already dressed and downstairs before Ellie woke.

She hopped out of bed and padded down the landing to the other occupied room, the old oak floorboards creaking beneath the soles of her feet. She knew he was home, he wouldn't have left without waking her. 

She rapped her knuckles loudly against the wooden partition. "Joel, get up. You've overslept."

Silence. She knocked again.

"Get up, old man!" The teen called out alongside her fist continuously beating against the closed door, knowing that it would get some sort of retaliation.

She could hear movement from the other side of the door followed by a mumbled curse that she couldn't quite make out.

"I'm awake you little shit." He called back out in his usual monotone drawl.

Ellie smirked as she made her way back down the hallway and into her own room. Of course he was. She knew damn well he wasn't awake before she knocked.

She shrugged on a fresh pair of dark jeans and a baggy T-shirt and scraped auburn her hair back into a ponytail after a quick shower before making her way downstairs. It was kind of a relief that her 'condition' was now out in the open. Now free to wear whatever she wanted and not have to swelter beneath a sweater all day, even if some wary eyes did still stare.

Joel was already in the kitchen by the time she got down, not looking particularly refreshed after an extra hour or two's sleep neither...

She swung through the archway that lead into the kitchen, ambling past him as she made her way to the cupboard, suddenly remembering that the box of crackers had been traded in and exhaling a discontented breath. Why did the crackers have to go... She glanced over her shoulder towards the older man, noticing his still half asleep disposition, "Not like you to over sleep..."

He nodded as he took a sip of coffee, the steam from the mug whirling up and over his face before evaporating into the air, "A full day of labour work followed by a patrol shift took it outta me."

Ellie nodded as she took that into consideration before changing the topic, "Ava can definitely come round more often."

Joel paused and raised his eyebrows, stalling the moment with another intake of caffeine. There was a little grin to her face as she spoke, one he couldn't quite read. Had she overheard them? He knew if she had, he was about to find out.

"Huh." He responded flatly.

The teen slammed her eyes and mimicked him before expanding "I had a great night. She made an actual meal for starters. You hear that? An actual meal! With actual real food! I always thought fish tasted like shit but apparently when it's not twenty years old, it's pretty fucking good!"

He let out a deep sigh- a relieved one masked by his usual saltiness with a roll of his eyes. She hadn't heard them. Thank god. "Y'know there ain't anythin' stoppin' you from learnin' how to cook."

Ellie gave a satirical smirk as a response before again continuing to tell Joel about the film and how fucking awesome she thought dinosaurs were. Her recalling each of her favourite scenes, with him listening intently as if he hadn't already watched the film a handful of times before.

Science seemed to be her thing. She loved the idea of space and prehistoric life. She was only proving her fascination and love for the subject in school. School was another part of her life that was gradually becoming more tolerable, she actually quite enjoyed learning and had now made a few other friends outside of Cat, whom she was still close with.

"I'm not coming straight home after school. Me, Jesse, Cat and a couple of others are gonna hang out for a bit." She explained as she posted a couple of slices of bread into the grill, holding one up to Joel in a silent offer for him to shake his head.

He downed the remainder of his coffee, setting the mug down on the counter behind him. "Sure. Don't be gettin' in any trouble." 

She slammed her eyes once again and gave him a mischievous smirk. Her? Trouble? Pfft... 

It was a deep relief to see her finally have the chance to be a kid and have friends but he couldn't help that paternal instinct that was so deeply woven into his genes from rising up. He was her guardian, he was responsible for her well-being and bringing her up correctly. Shit, he was the closest thing she had to a parent and well, sometimes he found himself parenting her as if she was his own. It used to strike him like a dagger to the chest when he'd catch himself but these days... no so much... it felt natural.

————————————————————————

Ellie headed off to school for the day and Joel set out to complete the various construction jobs set out for him. The few jobs he had were simple repairs and he found himself finished up before the morning was out, leaving him the afternoon to himself.

Ellie's birthday was quickly approaching and he was keen to get the day sorted. He had managed to find an old tape recording of the moon landing on cassette amongst a basket of items available for trade in the shop but the mention of a nearby museum would really pull it all together. He wanted the day to be special for her, one that she would remember and a break away from the daily struggles of this post apocalyptic world.

He gathered that Ava would be doing her usual stint in the shop so he made his way over in an  attempt to persuade her to show him the way.

He leaned against the counter as he waited for her to serve those who needed supplies. Taking the time to admire her as she worked so candidly, each customer greeted with that goddamn beautiful smile. Once the shop floor was empty she was quick to turn her attention to him.

She glanced at the time and raised a confused eyebrow at the familar man. "Morning...Early finish?"

Joel nodded, elbows rested on the surface with hands clasped together, "Yeah, easy jobs. Here, what time you finishin' today?"

Ava narrowed her eyes skeptically as she pressed herself forward onto the counter. "In about an hour, why?"

He removed his weight from the counter and straightened himself, "That museum you were talkin' bout. Reckon you could show me?"

Her brow furrowed as she vaguely remembered the route from the community. "Uh... yeah sure"

She paused for a brief second before she gave him a slight smirk, her body leaning further into the surface towards him, "but..."

Joel was quick to interrupt, hands falling to his hips with a raised brow. "Ah, there's always a 'but'."

Ava's smirk didn't falter, only spreading further across her cheeks, "but... you're gonna have to get your ass over here and help me finish this shift first." 

He caustically rolled his eyes with an exaggerated sigh and hopped over the counter to join the blonde, "I guess I could do that..."

As he landed she placed a quick kiss on his cheek that caught him off guard and she presented a sweet smile along with a note pad and pen. "Guns are labelled out back, you just need to pop the date and time on this paper then get them to sign"

Joel reciprocated her smile and with a nod and then got straight to work just as the shop door swung open and a couple more residents entered.

——————————————————————

The last hour was fairly quiet. Most people headed out earlier in the morning and then wouldn't return until later in the afternoon but the odd person would still come in throughout the day if they were leaving the gates for their own recreational time such as a spot of fishing or to go for a swim.

A younger man who also appeared to be in his early thirties pushed through the door of the shop.

"Hey Ave, got anythin' to report?" He greeting with a smile. His attention then diverted over to Joel before looking back to Ava with a perplexed expression.

"Afternoon Eddie. No, nothing to note." She responded nonchalantly. 

"You sure?" The younger man quizzed, his brow arched at Joel who was definitely not noted down on the rota...

She then noticed Eddie’s confused glance at the older man beside her, "Oh, this is Joel. He was just giving me a hand. He owes me, you see."

She gave Joel a playful nudge with her elbow and a friendly wink which returned her a slightly exasperated head shake. 

There was no tension or animosity as both men gave each other an understanding nod through slightly pursed lips in acknowledgement of one another.

Eddie took in a deep breath, "Well, you're both free to go."

Joel gave the younger man another nod in response, "before we head off, we're gonna need a couple of shot guns ourselves."

"I'll sign them out and return them later when we're back." Ava added as she headed out back to grab the firearms.

She returned within a minute and tossed one of the guns over to Joel who had already hopped back over the counter and was scribbling away the required sign out details.

Eddie moved his position to take Ava's place behind the counter and waved the pair off.

————————————————————————

"How far did you say?" Joel asked as he ducked beneath a low branch.

It was clear that the path they were following was not one of the patrol routes due to the sheer amount of overgrowth.

Ava took her knife and began to cut her way through the brambles that dangled in front, "About a two hour hike south."

The pair continued to make their way forward, both being cautious to stay aware of their immediate surroundings. Every snap, creak or clunk alerting their senses, although the fact that it was a bright, clear day with minimal breeze helped as they could easily hear if anything was approaching them on this unfamiliar route.

"How'd you find this place?" He asked curiously as he helped pull the blonde up over an embankment.

"A few of us came across it a couple of years back whilst out hunting. Never went inside though..." she responded as she took his hand, accepting the help.

"So could be overrun with infected?" He quipped with an arched eyebrow, although it was more of a statement. Were they about to run into a death trap?

Ava shrugged nonchalantly, "Could well be, we'll find out shortly..."

"Just as long as I ain't gotta save your ass again." Joel jested although the satire remark hadn't translated onto his face, that still looked less than impressed over the fact that they had no idea what they were running into... Perhaps a question he should have asked instead of blindly agreeing for the opportunity to stick his tongue down her throat...

The blonde came to a sudden stop with one hand on her hip as she raised an eyebrow to challenge his statement.

"C'mon, keep movin', you're meant to be leadin' the way..." He smirked gesturing for her to take the lead.

She narrowed her eyes smugly as she passed him,  taking the jest of his tone as an opportunity to tease, "Y'know, I just reckon you want me in front so you can stare at my ass..."

Yup. Well, it was a small part of the reason that he would never openly admit to... the other being that he genuinely had no idea where he was heading. He snorted as he shook his head, formulating the only reasonable response he could fathom, "You're a pain in my ass, I'll tell you that..."

———————————

After a couple more hours of traipsing over all kinds up terrain the pair came across a clearing in the abundance of trees. The break in the shadowed leaves from above allowed a golden beam of sunlight to illuminate the space. It's pale rays highlighting a large clay statue of a Tyrannosaurus Rex with vines twining up and around its frame. Life sized, apparently...

Joel wrung out the bottom of his shirt that had soaked through to the skin, sticking uncomfortably and watched as the water puddled onto the ground, his tone sardonic. "Thanks for the heads up about crossin' the river..."

Ava kissed her teeth as she too took the time to pull her leather boot from her saturated foot and empty the liquid that had accumulated inside onto the ground below, a grimace forming onto her expression. "Sorry, I forgot about that part..."

The blonde then gestured towards the prehistoric monument that stood in front of them as she leant down to retie her laces, "We're here though."

Joel nodded as he crouched down, sliding the shot gun down off his shoulder in order to load it up. Ava soon followed suit to prepare for whatever may come their way inside of the building.

The pair slowly and quietly edged there way towards the entrance of the museum. It stood large and grand. Yellow brick with large stone columns on either side of the entryway, ivy slowly but surely reclaiming the structure as it's own. It was just how you would imagine a grand museum to look. Joel carefully prised the front doors open allowing them both to slip inside. They were met with silence.

Nature had started to take over the building even within, trees that had once been placed for decoration had grown tall and unruly towards the high ceiling. 

In the centre of the entry room stood a map of the building. Perfect. This meant only clearing what was necessary.

Together they made their way towards the map, lowering their firearms since this particular room appeared to be clear. Joel ran his finger over the route leading onto the prehistoric history section and then onto the outer space department. Ava watched on as he mapped their way forward.

She looked up to the double doors that stood in front, "Through there should take us to the dinosaurs...I think."

Joel nodded, eyes still trained to the grimy map before glancing up in her direction. "Yeah and then Space should be up the stairs on floor two and through the second door to the right."

They gave each other a small nod before proceeding forward, Joel slightly in front.

The door creaked loudly as he placed his weight against it in order to gain entry. The room was larger than expected and more overgrown than the previous, dotted with large reptilian skeletons. It really was a sight to be awestruck by... Something that he had been so blasé about in a previous life, now seemed magnificent. With in seconds, rustling and familiar clicking echoed through the space.

Joel turned towards his accomplice pressing his index finger against his lips. The pair stood still and silent as they raised their weapons awaiting for the first clicker to show itself.

The screeching quietened for a few moments. Both shared an unnerving look between furrowed brows before the first infected made its appearance from behind the leg of a dinosaur.

They watched as it entered the space, ambling about aimlessly. Like it had come into the room for a reason but forgot. It began to search, slowly sniffing out its prey. One small crumble is all it took as the concrete tile beneath Joel's boot began to disintegrate under his weight. The creature snapped its attention and sprinted towards them, it's limbs flailing around. One by one more entered the area through an archway on the other side of the room. There bodies completely disfigured by the cordyceps that grew within.

The pair acted quick, making each shot count. One by one the clickers skulls were blown apart, dropping to the floor in a pool of their own blackened infected blood. The smell of gun powder and rotting flesh putrid to the human nose.

Joel stepped back for a breath after believing the last infected had fallen. He bent over slightly, hands rested on the top his thighs. He looked up to Ava almost as if to say 'job done' but his face soon fell as he was met with a look of horror as a final clicker snuck out from the leg bone of a idontfuckingknowasaurus, behind him. It let out an harrowing click, instantly alerting him to its presence.

It was too close for him to act accordingly. His barrel was empty with his remaining ammo residing in his back pocket. He had just enough time to turn around and use his shotgun as a barrier between him and the creatures gnashing teeth.

He forced the creature back against the wall, he had the upper hand for mere moments before the clicker put all of its force back onto him. Joel stumbled, tripping over a tree root that had burst through the flooring, falling backwards. The clicker followed him onto the floor, it's only aim being to make contact with his skin to pass on the parasitic fungal infection. He kept the shot gun firmly at the base of the monsters throat, using all his force to keep the creatures teeth away from his own neck as it pressed its dead weight down onto him.

Ava rushed to reload her firearm as she watched Joel gradually losing the battle. She aimed, her hands slightly shaking. She shot once, hitting the clicker in the side of the neck. It's attention briefly diverted as it let out a blood curdling screech towards the blonde. A second shot hit it straight between the eyes, the force of impact sending the infected tumbling off of the man it was once straddling and to the floor alongside the others of its own kind.

Joel remained on his back as he took a moment to regain his composure. Ava being quick to rush to his side. She knelt beside him and frantically reached out to cup the side of his face, eyes urgently scanning for any signs of a bite. "Did it get you? Fuck, please don't tell me you got bit."

He let out a heavy exhalation of air that he didn't realise he was holding, his lungs collapsing from the surge of adrenaline. "No, it didn't get me."

The blonde also let out a deep breath of relief as she got to her feet and extended her hand to help haul him back onto to his feet. "Good."

Joel swallowed down the hard lump in the back of his throat. His damn hearing letting him down again. He hated having to be saved, hated feeling vulnerable. It made him feel like a liability. If only he had heard it approaching, he would have never let it get that close. Situations like that, he wouldn't have let happen five years ago. "Thank you for, uh...that."

The blonde couldn't help but smirk with a smug wink, "and now I've saved your ass so I think that makes us even."

He let out another bemused snort as he affectionately bumped shoulders with her, "C'mon, we've got at least another room to clear yet." 

————————————

It wasn't too much longer before their mission was complete. The space room was mostly clear bar one or two almost burnt out clickers that made easy targets and the task of moving the bodies into the old maintenance rooms didn't take long with them working together as a team. They finished their task off by barricading the other doors up to prevent anything else from entering the departments they wanted to keep clear.

Before making their way back to the safety of Jackson, the pair decided to take a nostalgic look around the two departments they had cleared.

Ava ran her finger down the femur of an Ankylosaurus, the rough texture of the calcified bone dragged across her pad. "It's crazy to think these guys once ruled the earth like we did..."

Joel nodded with an almost unnoticeable smile as his mind drifted back to a simpler time. "Yeah, Sarah used to tell me all about how their extinction made way for a new ruler. Mother Nature always has a plan, she used to say..."

Ava huffed a deflated sigh, her hand dropping back to her side. "Perhaps that's what's been happening over the last twenty years, Mother Nature has been planning for a new ruler..."

It was soundless as the pair fell into a somber silence as they were reminded about all that had been lost. Reflecting on the words that had just been spoken... had all of this been planned by a higher being?

Joel edged forward and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her toward his side. The action catching her off guard, ripping out from her night marish day dream and back to reality, back to him. His voice a low drawl as he nudged her along. "C'mon, let's get back before it gets dark."

———————————————————————-

Both hastily made there way back through the route they had earlier come from. The journey back was much smoother now they had cleared the route from over growth.

Ava could feel Joel's eyes on her, not in a suggestive way but more in the way that he was looking  for a way to say something... Ask something, maybe? She stopped her tracks and spared a glance back at him. "You okay?"

He swallowed thickly and broke eye contact, focus falling to the floor with his hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck. "Yeah, I wanted to ask you somethin' and I- I understand if you don't feel comfortable..."

The blonde raised a curious eyebrow encouraging  him to continue, unsure in what direction the conversation was taking.

He took in a deep breath before resuming eye contact, "What happened to you, Y'know... with the hunters...Uh, there was a time during the winter where Ellie and I got um, separated. She was taken by a group of men... she won't tell me what happened but I know what ever did, started her nightmares. I jus' figured that she might talk to you if you spoke with her...bein' another woman n' all..."

Ava felt her breath catch. Not what she was expecting..."Oh."

Joel was quick to jump back in, eager to take the pressure off. "Its just that she don't have a woman figure in her life and sometimes girls don't wanna talk about certain things to the men in their lives... as I said, if it makes you uncomfortable-"

"I'll try and uh, talk to her... but when it's the right time..." she interrupted him with a forced smile. Swallowing the hesitancy down thickly. It was a tough topic, one she struggled and still to this day struggles with... Would Ellie's own experience end up refuelling her own nightmares?

Her and Ellie seemed to get along well but it was a little too soon to go in with the deep stuff. She could see the concern in Joel's eyes and could understand what he meant. If her own father was still here, she couldn't bare to tell him of the horrors that happened to her, not to his little girl. 

Joel awkwardly scratched the back of his head and promptly changed the subject whilst continuing to push forward "Thanks... Listen, you're more than welcome to tag along in a couple weeks for Ellie's birthday?"

Ava smiled softly as she followed his lead "I think it would mean more if it was just the two of you. I'll come round yours after with Jurassic Park two for a movie night."

Chapter Text

The next couple of weeks flew by. Both Ellie and Joel had been kept preoccupied by both school, work and there new found relationships within the community.

Ellie had formed a fairly close knit group of friends that consisted of Cat, Eric, Jesse and his girlfriend, Dina. She had come to spend a lot of her free time with the group outside of school, leaving Joel the time to get to know Ava better in a more romantic setting without it causing any suspicion to the teen.

After an almighty build up and daily reminders, today was the day that Ellie turned fifteen. The day was already warm, with a low radiating sun hanging above the horizon in the vast blue background by eight in the morning and the teen was wide awake from as soon as the first trickle of daylight seeped through her threadbare curtains. 

The early bird that he was, Joel was already up and going about his routine by the time the girl had fluttered her lids open. He had managed to persuade Tommy to have his day off moved- which didn't take much bribing at all- which allowed him the opportunity to surprise Ellie with their little day trip, subsequently allowing her to skive school for the day. One day wouldn't hurt, right? Besides, it was going to be educational anyway...

Ellie bounded down the stairs, a strong spring in her step. She followed a sweet scent into the kitchen and was of course met with Joel who was hovering over the stove.

"Holy shit, are you actually cooking?" She exclaimed, a grin beaming from ear to ear.

For today, he mustered up all his internal strength to ignore her taunting and greeted her with a smile as he emptied the contents of the frying pan onto a plate. "Birthday pancakes, want syrup?"

"Fuck yeah!" she gawped, focus stuck to the fluffy sweet goods as she eagerly took the plate from his hands and poured maple syrup all over the pile of stacked pancakes.

She hurriedly sat herself down at the table and began to dig in, cramming as much of the delicious fried batter into her gob as quickly as physically possible.

"Jesus Christ, kiddo. Slow down. Ya gonna get indigestion," He warned as he leaned back against the kitchen counter, mesmerised by how over the moon she was at the simple act of having pancakes for breakfast.

Ellie was quick to realise that Joel hadn't dished himself anything. Swallowing down the masticated mess of batter and syrup before dragging her focus up to Joel, a quizzical perk to her expression, "You not eating?" 

He shrugged as he instead popped a slice of bread into the grill, a small pained tug at his heart as he remembered the old tradition that would take place on each previous birthday in a previous life. "I don't like 'em all that much, too sweet for first thing in the mornin' but pancakes were always a birthday tradition when Sarah was growin' up... thought we could carry it on..."

Ellie gave him a knowing smile and opted not to pry any further, digging back into the stack of sticky sweetness in front of her.

Joel placed his toast onto another plate and joined Ellie at the dining table "Hey, I uh...I got somethin' for you."

The teens eyes lit up instantly as she began to press, "What is it?"

Joel chuckled at her mixture of enthusiasm and excitement. His chest swelling upon realising that the girl likely never had the chance to properly celebrate the anniversary of her birth into this world. That there were probably no birthday breakfasts or thoughtful surprises. It was sad really but it ignited a warmth knowing that he would be the one to give her these experiences, to treat her as his own. "You'll have to wait 'n' see. It ain't here though. I gotta take you to it."

A smile spread across her face as she took another mouthful. Apart from hand made cards from a couple of the other kids and a few of the guards wishing her a 'happy birthday', birthdays weren't really celebrated back in the QZ. There wasn't much to celebrate at all back in the QZ.

"C'mon eat up, we gotta leave." Joel pushed as he took the final bite from his own breakfast and placed the plate into the sink, a chore for later.

——————————————————————

Desperately eager to find out what was in store for the day, the teen wasted no time in getting her self ready and following Joel out of the door. ‘Not here’ being the only clue given so far… Then arriving at the shop… so not inside Jackson then either….

She noticed the small wink Ava gave Joel as she handed them over the necessary supplies for their trip. What was all that about? Her being quick to pry as soon as the door closed behind them in hopes that he would reveal something…anything!

"Where are we going and why did Ava look like she knew something?"

Joel kept his eyes forward, squinting into the distance as he memorised the route. "Surprise."

Ellie let out an exaggerated sigh as she traipsed along dramatically behind, "Can I have any clues?"

He looked over his shoulder with a raised brow and responded flatly. "No."

The duo continued to make their way through the myriad of trees, a trail that seemed endless. The teen was in no hurry to give up on guessing what her surprise was. A bunch of kittens- or a litter as Joel corrected her- fucking weird, a pile of comic books... a dinosaur? Joel didn't falter, an ever so slightly amused smirk but otherwise not giving anything away.

"More walkin', less talkin'…Mind your step." He warned as they approached a narrow embankment, a steady body of water cruising below.

As the words left his lips, an impulsive thought crossed his mind that he just had to act upon. He swiftly motioned his hand onto mid between Ellie's shoulder as if to act in aid but instead pushing her down the embankment and into the slow moving river below.

She landed into the brisk water with a splash and an unsuspecting yelp. It wasn't as cold as she imagined it would be but the surprise factor still had her. Fucking asshole…

"What's wrong with you?!" she yelled out as her head resurfaced with a massive gasping gulp of oxygen, arms beginning to flail around her. Panic spread across her face at knowing that she was in a body of water where she couldn't quite touch the ground. 

Joel couldn't help but chortle at the scene below. The idea that she wouldn’t have expected him to do such a thing, leaving him feeling rather smug with himself. Joel Miller didn’t ever piss about- Jesus, what was Jackson doing to him? "You should see your face right now"

"What if I drown?!" The teen fired back as she tried to calm her erratic arms in an attempt to swim towards back to the embankment.

He let out another chuckle as he watched her put into practice what he'd taught her, "You're not gonna drown. You gotta work on that confidence, kiddo"

Ellie narrowed her eyes as her sodden hands gripped at the waters edge, grimacing at the wet mud her palms were sinking into. "Yeah, keep laughing old man, see what happens…"

She pulled herself from the water and joined back with Joel as they continued to walk along the river side. 

A few moments later, Joel stopped as he spotted a lone deer, a doe, not far out in front of them. It was peacefully nibbling at the short sweet grass that grew within a small clearing illuminated by a beam of golden light, oblivious to their approaching presence. They’d seen wildlife before, plenty of times on their journey to this part of the continent but never did they have the time available to just stop and admire it for what it was. Beautiful, timid and delicate. He crouched down and gestured for Ellie to quietly come over and see. 

This was her perfect opportunity to seek revenge. She waited until he was least expecting, fully distracted by the unnoticing doe, hearing him mutter something about it probably never seeing a human before. That was before shoving harshly into his side, pushing him off balance and sending him dropping into the water below himself. The small deer scampering away at the abrupt sound of the grass shifting beneath them both.

"Yeah, it's not nice being pushed in, is it?" She called out to him with a smug grin as she peered over the bank of the river, fully expecting a rather unamused retaliation.

He responded rather calmly, his own expression just as smug as he turned to continue wading through the body of water. "Well... actually we need to swim through this part anyway."

It wasn't the response that the teen was hoping for. Wanting to rile him up and see him all flustered and agitated over the fact he’d just been knocked down a peg by a little girl. She slammed her eyes with a huff before jumping in after him, desperate for the last word. "I got you back, you're angry and upset."

Joel rolled his eyes and made a snarky attempt at playing along "yeah, I'm angry n’ upset. Now c'mon."

————————————————————————-

The pair continued the last part of their journey which consisted a mixture of swimming and also a little more walking. It was impressive how much strength the young girl had built up in the water in such a short space of time. She was a quick learner, he’d give her that. A barely noticeable grin forming on his lips at the recollection of having to fudge together make-shift rafts in order to ferry her across any bodies of water. The difference a little bit of time and patience could make… it was amazing really.

Joel approached the same clearance he found with Ava in the weeks prior but held back to allow Ellie to take the lead. To allow her to make her own discovery of the large prehistoric structure just up ahead. The corners of his lips already tugging as he greatly anticipated her reaction.

She looked at him confused, with a quizzical arched brow, daring to take a few more steps forward so that she passed his broad figure. The confusion soon left her face as she moved herself into the clearing. Her unusually quiet mouth gaping in awe at the life size tyrannosaurus that stood tall in front of her.

"Holy shit, Joel! Oh my god, it is a mother fucking dinosaur!" She exclaimed, her jaw still slack at the sheer amazement that something like this could even still exist.

Joel shrugged trying to act nonchalant, a palm scruffing over the stubble of his beard. "We're here, surprise."

Ellie wandered closer to the hulking great statue, noticing a small information post beneath it. She rummaged through her bag, pulled out a note book and began scribbling down notes. Copying down every last detail of how this beast of a creature once lived, once ruled. Her notes accompanied by a rough sketch of the Cretaceous tyrant.

Once she had completed her annotations, she hastily made her way through the entrance of the museum. Joel remaining hot on heels and alert, keeping on cautions side for if any further clickers had somehow made their way back through. 

Time was spent marvelling at the various dinosaur fossils and skeleton recreations that towered throughout the open room. Creatures big and small from a range of various time periods. Triassic, Jurassic, Cretaceous and more. Ellie made notes and sketches for each one. She pointed towards the Gallimimus skeleton "this one was from the movie!"

Joel nodded. "Looks like it, huh?"

The teen in all her excitement was then quick to move onto the next prehistoric attraction which appeared to be a stegosaurus. A sturdy looking creature, appearing to be as tall as it was wide, huge plates- the size of Ellie herself- decorated its spine. For heat regulation apparently…

He couldn’t help but smile warmly as he stood back to observe her excitedly rushing around, trying to take in as much as she could. Not too dissimilar to the way Sarah would become enthralled over a topic of interest… It felt good to relive these moments. Nostalgic…almost…

He let out a small chuckle that only he could hear. Watching the young girl run around in genuine excitement warmed his now not so stone cold heart, "Listen, Ava's brining over the second Jurassic Park movie later. Thought we could have a movie night or somethin'."

Ellie looked back at him and beamed, "Fuck yeah!"

They proceeded to mooch around the dinosaur exhibit for a little longer before Joel finally managed to push her towards the planetarium.

The teen burst through the door like a mini tornado before immediately stopping to gaze at the celestial wonders in front of her. She was awestruck. The entire room like a dream come true. If she could pack up and live in this beautiful place, she wouldn’t even think twice about it.

She gasped aloud, "Did you know this was here?"

A lop sided grin appearing over his expression as he jeered jestfully "If you don't like it, we can head back…”

Ellie proceeded forward too wonderstruck to even retort back, her attention grabbed by a large replica of the solar system. Each and every planet perfectly aligned around its core. Slowly turning and gravitating around its molten heart as she wound the lever. A question for Joel, whether or not he could remember the names of planets that inhabited their own heliocentric system. A query to which he responded with a mnemonic, one that flew sky high over the youngsters head as a perplexed arch of the brow was presented his way.

"Did you just have a stroke?" She asked, bewildered by the random string of words that came from his mouth.

"M is Mercury, V is Venus" Joel started before Ellie interrupted him to confirm that she now understood.

There was so much for the teen to see that it seemed like her attention span wouldn't last for more than a few minutes on one item.

She moved on to explore a replica of the Sojourner rover that landed on Mars before then being further distracted by a dusty old astronaut suit to which she removed the helmet and placed over her own head.

"So cool." She muttered quietly to herself, admiring the new look, one she had only ever imagined, in the reflection of the glass pane. Is this how Sally Ride felt?

Ellie turned her attention to the centre of the room, eyes landing and widening on the lunar module that was situated there. Enthralled was the biggest understatement of the century as she practically skipped her way over, opening the hatch and climbing inside. Eyes darted all around, so many buttons and levers. Minutes passes with her just simply admiring the technology and playing around with the many buttons and leavers whilst adding her version of the sound effects. Immersing her self in the experience, photographic imagination taking her straight to space.

Joel was quick to join, moving himself into the seat beside her. As soon as he spotted the capsule in the room in the weeks prior, he just knew it would be a winner. He gazed over her for a few moments, the corners of his lips curving upward that bit further. His heart relieved that the museum seemed to be a hit. He waited patiently for her attention to return to him, however brief. The fleeting moment used to pull that small cassette he had found out of his shirt pocket and handed it over to her.

Another a baffled look directed between him and the tape.

He simply smiled, one that was full of hope and something else as he held the black rectangle up to her. "Happy birthday, kiddo. This is a thing that took a mighty effort to find. Take it"

She accepted the cassette from him and placed it into her player, inserting the plugs into her ears. She closed her eyes as the moon landing recording began to play. Completely lost in the moment as she vividly imagined what it must have been like to walk on the moon. Her mind numbing to a darkness decorated by a million glistens of light, everything around feeling feather light.

Joel couldn’t drag his focus away as he continued to watch her in awe. For so long he had longed to see her truly happy and this day, this damn wonderful day, he finally did.

"I do okay?" He asked once he could see that the recording had stopped and her mind floating back to reality. He needn't have asked, he already knew the answer but a sudden pit of nerves formed in his gut that demanded that morsel of reassurance.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She beamed. A smile reaching from ear to ear with eyes falling soft.

He let out a relieved sigh followed by a low chuckle. "You're welcome kiddo. Wanna keep lookin' around?" 

The wide smile persisted on the girls face as she nodded in agreement. She’d never be able to admit it him. Not now, not in a million years but it wouldn’t stop her from admitting it to herself… This man who was a mere stranger just a matter of months ago, was now in her mind, becoming more and more like her father with each passing day.

—————————————————————————

The duo made it back to Jackson just before dark. The exhilarated young girl had not stopped to breathe for the entire journey back, her motor mouth covering just about everything they had seen during the day in great detail.

Normally he’d reprimand her for the consistent noise ringing from her pie hole but not today, today he would listen intently whilst thanking his lucky stars that she still had a slither of childlike innocence hidden within her. Just being contently happy for the fact that she was happy. There was no lying though, the thought of sticking a movie on to give his head a rest was becoming more appealing by the second.

They arrived back at the house and the pair made a half decent attempt at home made pizza's for dinner. 

Ellie pulled the old aluminium tray from out of the oven and plopped it onto the counter with a hiss as its scorching borders seeped through the threadbare towel. The scorned finger shoved into her mouth as she admired her creation, "a little on the crispy side but not bad."

Joel peered over the girls shoulder, glancing down at the baking tray below, "definitely better than I thought they were gonna be."

With that a knock sounded from the front door, heads flitting to the noise. Ellie was quick to skid her way over to greet the expected guest with a beaming grin.

"Happy birthday, sweetie!" Ava exclaimed holding the video tape out in front of her as Ellie opened the door.

Ellie took hold of the tape and shot her an appreciative smile. The large rectangle hugged to her chest.

"Just serving dinner if you both wanna get settled on the couch." Joel called out from the kitchen, the shitty threadbare towel flung over his shoulder. The whole scene very domestic for anyone looking from the outside in.

"We have pizza." the teen confirmed with an self accomplished smirk as she led the blonde over to living area.

Joel joined the two women a short time later accompanied with a board of pizza slices that they could all help themselves to, placing it onto the coffee table that stood in front of the old couch. Sitting back into the cushions that separated Ava from Ellie.

Ellie once again didn't hesitate before pushing the tape into the VHS player and pressing 'play' and then scurrying back to her regular spot on the cushions.

—————————————————————————

The three watched the movie mostly in silence as they became engrossed in the drama. The only noise being the occasional gasp from Ellie when something particularly anxiety inducing would happen.

It had been an exhaustingly long day for the young girl and by approximately an hour into the film, her soft snores could be faintly heard over the sound of the television, her face smooshed into the plush arm of the chair.

Joel looked over at the girl curled up beside him. Her head rested peacefully against the arm of the couch whilst her feet were supported by his own thigh, her breathing slow and rhythmic.

He gave her a gentle nudge, ensuring she had actually fallen asleep before attempting any advances on the woman that sat the opposite side. He waited a few moments, satisfied with the lack of movement and response. With him safely assuming she was out for the night, he placed a gentle hand onto Ava's thigh and gestured with his head for her to move closer.

She obliged without hesitation, shifting herself closer beside him, her head rested in the crook of his neck whilst she positioned her palm carefully against his broad chest, knees pulling up to rest against his lap. He nuzzled into the top of her head, leaving a gentle kiss upon her crown. His arm twining affectionately around her shoulders as the blonde settled into him.

The couple continued to watch the rest of the movie in each others comforting hold. Quiet comments and hushed laughter between them whilst allowing the teen to continue to peacefully dose.

Under the cover of darkness with just the blue glare of the screen highlighting the room, it was easy to become lost in the small acts of affection. Snarky comments and chuckles morphing into an evening of gentle unprovoking kisses, minds and senses distracted by one another.

"No shitting way!" A not so small voice called out from beside them. The adults consciousness both hurtling back down to earth at speed, being dragged along by the teens words.

Both grownups jolting their heads, eyes wide to the right to find the once sound asleep Ellie now wide awake with a huge and rather smug grin on her face.

Joel rolled his head back, a large palm covering the expanse of his eyes with a burdened sigh. He shouldn’t have taken the risk, knowing that the little shits eyes could fly open at any given second as she had now quite so perfectly demonstrated. There was no getting out of this…so much for keeping it on the low.

"I fucking knew it!" She continued, her tone almost proud of her gossip worthy discovery. Who knew the miserable fucker still had it in him? She’d fully expected to have to act as an unwanted wingman a year down the line with him scowling behind her at the notion of talking to another human. Almost proud that he had done this all by himself… proof that he could socialise like a normal human being.

Ava looked up at him, eyes all wide and doe like as she silently pleaded for him to say something before she opened up her own mouth and voiced the wrong thing but he couldn't get a word in before the teen started again.

"Shit, you guys are fucking! Were you about to do it?!" She exclaimed, her face grimacing with a scrunch of the nose.

Joel was quick to pick his head back up and look at the teen, jaw feathering and stare defensive at her question. Ava's face flustered with crimson as if she had just actually been caught in the act.

"Oh my god, no!" The blonde choked out to set the record straight.

Him shaking his head, silently praying that a sinkhole would form to swallow him up… and there she goes with the crude comments,"that ain't what this is."

Ellie let out a menacing giggle in response to their rushed and rather abrupt answers with a dismissive wave to the hand, "I'm just messin' with you fuckers."

She then arched a brow at the two as she sat herself up to query Joel's statement and take a closer look at their compromising position, finally responding to Joel’s statement. "Then what is it? You both look pretty cosy there."

Again both adults paused to think about their response. Joel let out a deep sigh as he looked down at the woman beside him giving her shoulder a light squeeze before turning towards Ellie.

His brows knitted together as he thought about his wording, his voice eventually trailing off upon concluding that nothing he could say would make this less awkward, "um, so Ava and I are, uhh, just seein’ what happens if…"

He paused to check the teens expression whom still remained looking slightly astounded. He continued "We ain't told no one and we ain't rushin’ anythin' so no, we weren't about to... Y'know…" 

Ellie gave a slight nod between narrowed sceptical eyes as her detailed attention flickered between the pair, "I see..."

Joel face becoming more stern, a crease forming above his brows as he pointed his index finger towards the girl, "and don't ya go blabbin' your mouth to anyone. Not Tommy, not Maria or any of your little friends. It ain't none your business to tell. I mean it."

He paused to watch the teen retreat back into the cushions before his expression softened once more. "Now, go back to sleep…"

Ellie smirked as she watched him quickly direct his attention back to the movie that was playing in the background, his arm still securely wrapped around the blondes shoulder. He hated personal conversations about his life and avoided them at all cost. It always amused her how quickly he would change the topic or shut the conversation down and even better, she finally got him to bite to one of her remarks after a whole day of him keeping his cool. It had only taken her all day. 

The young teeth mischievously caught Ava's eye who gave her a bemused shake of the head before she too returned to watching the movie, her figure so naturally cuddling up next to Joel’s side.

Ellie gave herself a satisfied nod. Birthday complete. Best. Day. Ever.

Chapter Text

May was a beautiful month for Wyoming and with the unusual warmer climate for this time of year, everything had really started to bloom. The majority of the snow had cleared by march leaving behind miles of grassy plains that were filled with luscious wild flowers and trees that stood green and full.

Within the high walls of the community, a fifteen acre section had been expanded to allow its residents the blissful opportunity to relax safely whilst submersing themselves in the surrounding nature without the threat of infected, raiders, hunters or anything else that could be lurking on the outside.

Ava, Maddie and Maria strolled leisurely into the area as a three before seating themselves down onto the thick bed of grass beneath their feet. The three had grown a close bond over the years that they resided in the small commune and days like this had become rare with how the community had expanded dramatically in more recent times- there was always so much that needed to be done. It was a break well deserved with Maria now well into her third trimester and being written off any task that was deemed as being too strenuous by Tommy. It had just been a fortunate coincidence that both Ava and Maddie had the afternoon off. It was time for a well deserved and very much over due catch up.

Ava stretched her bare legs out in front and tilted her head back allowing the heat of the suns golden rays to warm her face. Her fingers tugging the hem of her floral skirt over her thighs to retain modesty. She hummed as she felt herself instantly relax, her body pleased to absorb the natural heat into her bones.

"I think we are going to be in for a beautiful summer..." She sighed as she took in her surroundings. A clear blue backdrop, long green grasses and a flutter of little white butterflies going about their business.

Maddie was quick to nod in agreement, kicking off her lightweight canvas daps and scrunching her feet into the terrain to feel the soft fibres between her toes.

Maria scoffed as she uncomfortably adjusted herself, hands gripping onto her extended abdomen to relieve a fraction of the weight, "As long as it doesn't get too hot before this one arrives. I don't think I can handle any more heat at the moment..."

Maddie twisted a section of her long brunette locks around her finger, almost absentmindedly as she studied the slightly older woman's swollen abdomen, not understanding in the slightest as to why anyone would actively choose to get pregnant. "You do look like you're about to pop."

The three women snickered amongst each other. Maria knew exactly what the brunette was referring to, all round and swollen. It wasn’t an incorrect observation at all, she felt like she was about to pop. She caressed her bump with a soft palm and smiled gently, "well, they aren't due until June but Kevin came a little premature so I'm fully prepared for this one to make an early appearance as well..."

Ava quietly listened in as her two friends discussed the inevitable arrival of baby Miller. What names had been picked out, what gender they believe the little one to be. She was happy for her friend, excited even. She deserved the family she had created - her happy ending but as she observed Maria grow a new life, it only made her realise that it wasn't something she'd ever be able to achieve herself. The one thing a woman was supposed to do- designed to do. She'd never be able to create a family of her own. Those absolute monsters had taken that from her when they drove their knife into her lower abdomen all those years ago.

She could remember as clear as day, the doctor explaining to her that the knife had sliced through parts of her reproductive system and that the chances of it healing were next to none. She was just twenty six at the time, becoming a mother hadn't even been on her radar. She was alive and at that point, that was all she could think of- her own survival. After all she had witnessed over the years, the world seemed too fucked up of a place to consider bringing in new life but now living in this little safe haven that was Jackson, it didn't seem like such a terrible notion. In the past two years she'd often find herself wondering what she'd be like as a mother and after watching Maria grow, a slight sense of desolate had crept in. 

There had been a couple of short lived relationships whilst she had resided in the commune, neither of them working out for one particular reason and both ending within a matter of months but the lack of protection or precautions used within those periods had, in her own mind, only solidified the doctors claims. She wouldn't bare a child of her own...

Maria quickly noticed how quiet Ava had become and how her umber eyes vacantly focused on her bump. She offered the blonde a empathetic smile which quickly took her out of her trance, a forced smile flashed back.

Maddie was hasty in changing the topic as she gave her housemate a slightly bemused nudge,  "So where have you been disappearing off to lately? I've barely seen you in the last few weeks..."

Ah, shit. She knew this was coming as soon as she rejected the brunettes offer of dinner the other night, just to scurry out of the door and return a few hours later. The blonde bit down on her bottom lip trying to restrain herself from completely lighting up at the thought of Joel but an uncontrolled smile still crept through.

Maria chuckled to herself with a shake of the head, "That grin clearly indicates a potential new man on the scene..."

The smile on Ava's face only stretched across her cheeks beneath her bitten lip. Her tone almost taunting as she tried to not give anything away. "There might be..."

Maddie conspicuously gasped, flat palms slapping her hands against her thighs with intent eyes boring into her housemate. "Girl, spill! I want to know fucking everything!"

Ava took in a deep breath and fiddled with the blades of grass beneath her finger tips, her brows knitting together. Joel had been very clear in communicating across that he wasn't ready to share what they had found within each other with the rest of the world quite yet. It was still early days, only having a few dinners and the odd movie night. He hadn't even really pushed her into taking things any further than a heated kiss here and there, something that only earned him more of her respect but ultimately, there was still a chance that it wouldn't work out... Especially with his current conflictions over his recently deceased partner, although she could see he was desperately trying to move past them. She hoped that their relationship would continue to flourish, she really did. "I can't, not yet."

The brunette arched an eyebrow, "Not even a name?"

The blonde smirked and shook her head "Nope. We're taking things slowly and want to keep it between just us for now."

Maria nodded approvingly, "That's smart."

Ava couldn't help but notice Maddie's disappointment in her lack of detail. Especially since they shared everything with one another. The brunette being the only person within the community that knew the dire truth of her past beyond the raiders, "I'll say more when the time's right."

The three women spent the remainder of the afternoon enjoying the warmer weather and gossiping about events that had recently happened in one another's lives.

————————————

The front door knocked rapidly as Ellie hastily hurried over to answer it. Ava hadn't arrived on time and Joel had to head off for his patrol leaving Ellie in the house by herself for a little while.

"I'm so sorry, I completely lost track of time!" The blonde blurted out, her hands clasping in front of her as if she was pleading.

Ellie stepped aside to allow her in, "Eh, it's cool. He only left like, half an hour ago, maybe." Her voice pitching at the end as if she was questioning herself.

She sighed, lingering in the doorway for a few seconds longer, "Was he pissed at me? Y'know... Joel?"

The younger girl snorted, "I don't think he's capable of being pissed off at you and that's coming from someone who believes he's pissed off at everyone. Nah, he just said that he trusts you and that you'd show up... and you did... Now hurry up, I wanna shut the door. Fucking freezing out there..."

Ava took a few steps forward into the living room before abruptly halting. She looked back at the teen with a raised eyebrow and gestured towards the open bottle of whiskey on the coffee table. "Have you been drinking?"

Ellie shrugged "I was bored. Joel left it out. If he didn't want me to drink it, he would have put it away."

Ava gave her a questioning look. "Bored? You just said it's only been half an hour since he left?"

The teen rolled her eyes as she reached back out for the bottle and took another swig whilst falling back against the cushions of the couch. Her face grimacing as the whiskey burned down her throat. "I'm fifteen now, practically an adult... and hey, now I'm being supervised by a grown up." 

The blonde let out a deep sigh. She was a teen once... did a lot worse that just drink alcohol too. She knew that Ellie would only sneak the drink out if she told her 'no'. It seemed a safer idea just to allow her and to monitor the girl instead. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. "Pass me the bottle."

Ellie reluctantly passed the whiskey bottle to Ava, expecting her to confiscate the forbidden item and snitch on her as soon as Joel stepped back through the front door. What she was not expecting however, was for Ava to return from the kitchen with two glasses in hand. 

The teen looked up with a brow raised, cautious to accept the offer. Was this a trick?

Ava pushed the glass towards her. "If you want to drink, drink. I'd rather you do it here, than on a street corner."

A smirk appeared on Ellie's face as she took a smug sip. It felt nice to have someone on her side. "You're so much cooler than Joel. What are you doing with him again?"

The pretty blonde sniggered to herself as she swiftly downed her own glass, clearing her throat from the abrupt burn. "I won't tell him you said that."

"I'll tell him myself." The teen shrugged with the same shit eating smirk apparent on her face. She took another pained gulp of the amber liquid before continuing, "sooo, things going well between you guys? Didn't think grumpy old men would be your thing..."

The corner of Ava's mouth upturned slightly at the teens curious tone, "First, he's not that old and Y'know, he's actually more of a charmer than you would think."

Ellie scoffed. Were they talking about the same bloke? Joel, a charmer? Since fucking when? It took her months before she even saw the bastard crack a smile... "Really?"

The blonde nodded and hummed in confirmation as she topped her glass back up.

The teen paused, she didn't know much about how relationships worked but the diary that was left behind in her room and some of the movies that would show in the theatre gave her some insight. She had read about 'dates' where the man or boy would take the girl out somewhere - it seemed like a relatively normal thing to do pre outbreak. 

"Have you guys like, been on a date?" She asked inquisitively as she awkwardly looked into her glass, swirling the remnants of golden liquid around its base.

Ava couldn't help but giggle at the teens awkwardness. She genuinely seemed interested in her and Joel's new relationship, it was sweet. "Not a proper date, no. I'm not sure if that's Joel's sort of thing."

Ellie all of a sudden perked back up, her face lighting up and becoming more confident as she enunciated her next words with an exaggerated British accent, "How rude! I shall have words with him when he gets home!"

The blonde dissolved into further laughter with Ellie joining her, the gradually diminishing bottle of whiskey clearly getting to both girls heads. 

It didn't take long before Ava had spotted a rack of albums besides the television stand. Finding herself sifting through before popping an old cd into the player and allowing music to blare throughout the room.

She took the teen by the hand before swirling her around. Ellies grin beaming cheek to cheek as they grooved drunkly about the room.

"Take on me, take me on" Ava belted out  at the top of her lungs as she sang along to the once popular eighties tune, now stood upon the cushions of the couch, half empty glass in hand.

Ellie remained to dance across the floor with the whiskey bottle in a tight clutch, occasionally passing it over to the blonde who had seemingly forgotten her position of responsibility.

—————————————————————

Joel arrived at the front porch, stomping the mud from his boots before freezing. Having been to exhausted to pick up on the noise any sooner. Before he even reached out for the door knob he could hear the music vibrating from within his home. What the fuck was going on? He took in a sharp breath as he opened the door, bracing himself for whatever was on the other side. His first thoughts being that maybe Ava hadn't turned up after all and instead, Ellie had pulled some stupid stunt and decided to throw a party or some shit.

He slipped inside and swiftly closed the door behind to avoid the sound from leaking out and potentially upsetting the neighbours. 

He remained by the doorway as he took in the current events. Nope, not what he was expecting at all. Neither Ava or Ellie had even noticed his presence as they continued to sing and dance around. Joel glanced to his side upon breathing in the familiar sweet aroma of fermented alcohol and could see his once mostly full bottle of whiskey, now completely dry and sat on the window seal.

He pinched the area between his brows with his thumb and index. He couldn't deny that the scene wasn't slightly amusing but the parental side of him knew that Ellie needed to be up for school the next morning. The future task of dragging her hungover ass out of bed already deflating him.

"Jesus Christ," he muttered beneath his breath as he ejected the CD, abruptly stopping the music.

The tipsy pair swiftly turned their attention to the man stood in the corner of the room with one hand rested on his hip looking less than amused. His jaw slightly clenched with raised brows that left a crease in his forehead but otherwise it was the usual stoic glare that he wore.

Ava was quick to bound over to him, seeming oblivious to his unimpressed demeanour, wrapping her arms around his neck. He placed his hand at the small of her back to steady her, his face slowly softening as she grinned up at him. He couldn't be mad at her, not when she was looking at him with those big doe eyes.

He sighed. "Still a lightweight, huh?"

He then looked up at the teen he was responsible for, "and you. You're still gettin' up for school in the mornin' so I suggest you get some water in ya and then get your ass to bed."

It was as if his words and expressions were going into one ear and straight out of the other as Ellie was next to skip over, jabbing him in the chest with her index finger, "and I have a bone to pick with you!"

He raised an unamused brow at the teen who then responded between drunken hiccups. "Apparently, you haven't taken this fucking awesome lady out on a date yet and quite frankly, I think that's just shitty manners!"

He looked down at the blonde who still had her arms wrapped around him. She met his gaze with an agreeing nod. Her warmth automatically subduing his mood.

He couldn't help but simper lowly as he turned his focus back to Ellie who was waiting hands on hips for his response, "Fine. Get to bed." 

He paused, intaking a heavy breath as he then looked back down to Ava, his tone suddenly more gentle "and if you're around, come here on Friday evenin' n' I'll take you out somewhere..."

Ellie made a point to Ava by curtsying dramatically before obeying commands and heading up to her room. "You're welcome!" 

Once the teen was out of sight, Ava moved her hands in a smooth motion from the back of Joel's neck to cup the sides of his jaw. His own hands rested on either side of her waist, gripping her lightly. They shared a warm smile before she leaned up carefully placing her lips against his. He was quick to take the upper hand of the kiss, smiling against her as his tongue ventured between her parted lips. A small feminine gasp escaping her lungs before melting into him. He pulled back once content that he was leaving her wanting more. Beneath hooded eyes, their honeyed gaze met. 

Ava lightly bit down on her bottom lip, slowly becoming infatuated with the man that held onto her, "It's a date..."

Chapter Text

It had been a long, long time since Joel had 'dated'. Well over twenty years ago to be more precise and even then it usually only extended to meeting something easy in a dive of a bar with one goal in mind. Actual well intended dates even back then were few and far between with none of them lasting beyond a second or third meet. Not one of his potential prospects being deemed good enough to meet his little girl. Since the world went to shit, dates became even less of a necessity so much so he'd even once dared to say it was a tradition long extinct. That was of course until he stepped foot in Jackson, a small pocket of the world that still seemed to function like 2002.

Nervous was perhaps the wrong word, it was more apprehension. He was fourty-nine and going on a date, it just felt weird to him. As a young man, he'd always assumed he would have settled down by this age. A house with a wife, maybe even with a couple more kids. The world well and truly made sure that was off the cards for him... until now, anyway.

The front door knocked softly and he took in a sharp breath before answering. 

"Evening." Ava spoke sweetly. 

Silky blonde hair, freshly trimmed that sat resting against her collar bone with plump cherry red lips and a blue polka dot summer dress that sat low and snug across her sun kissed chest, it’s bodice hugging each curve of her figure before flowing out towards the bottom. All he could do was stand and stare. Breathtaking is what she was and take his breath she did as he found himself tongue-tied, unable to find nor form the words to respond.

She was attractive enough in her usual apocalypse style attire but tonight? Dressed like that? He was in two minds to drag Ellie over to Tommys for the night and tell her that he was done taking things slow and instead take her straight to bed. Fuck.

Ellie's voice called out boisterously from behind the bannister of the stairs, snapping him straight out of his daydream. "For fuck sake, you're supposed to tell her she looks pretty, Joel!"

The pair chuckled bashfully at the teens prompts. A lopsided smile creeping across his lips at the sight of her cheeks flustering with pink. So goddamn pretty. 

He nodded as he gave his date another obvious look up and down, taking her in inch by inch. Still somehow fumbling his words as he tried to confirm Ellie's remark.  "Y- You do look real pretty."

Her face flushed further and a soft smile spread across her painted lips, the kind of smile that left dimples in her cheek and its intended weak at the knees.

The teen had agreed to try and stay in the house on her own for the evening on the promise that Joel would be home by eleven. She hopped down the remainder of the stairs to join him at the door, squeezing past his side to get a glimpse of the blonde waiting for him. 

She rammed her fingers into her mouth and blew in a failed attempt at a wolf whistle, the noise that emerged not being so dissimilar from the sound of a raspberry. It did however, break the awkwardness as Ava couldn't help but simper at the teens attempt whilst Joel responded in his usual way- an exasperated slam of the eyes.

"Right, let's go." He asserted as he playfully shoved the teen further back into the house.

The girl bounded back towards them like a damn boomerang to have the last word before Joel even had the chance to shut the door on her, her voice once again trying to mimic a posh British accent to further taunt him, "and I want you home no later than eleven or else you are grounded, mister!"

"Jesus." Joel muttered with a heavy sigh followed by a shake of the head as he closed the door behind them. Ava instantly slipping her palm into his with another beguiling smile cracked across her face.

————————————————————————-

The couple walked hand in hand as Joel lead them to their destination. A conscious effort made to sneak around Tommy's house to avoid being seen. He found himself enamoured with the beautiful blonde but along with the desire to claim the woman as his own, came the irrational fear that if anyone found out, that it would somehow jeopardise the relationship before it even had the chance to fully develop.

"Where are you taking me?" She asked curiously as he lead them into the acreage of grassland behind the residential area.

"You'll see..." he responded softly as he squeezed her hand in reassurance.

They leisurely walked for a few more minutes as they approached the hill towards the back of the enclosure. He kept ahold of her hand as he lead the way, climbing up to the top.

At the peak of the hill, a red tartan picnic blanket was laid out flat upon a bed of summer green grass, a pristine landscape view of Jackson lit up below. The street lamps and fairy lights of the community illuminating the dark with a soft golden glow. Ava stood at the top mesmerised by the view, "I've never been up here at night. It's beautiful seeing our little town all lit up like this..."

He cautiously approached her from behind, his hands falling to lightly take a hold of her hips as he too admired the scene presented. The corners of his lips tugging upwards upon feeling her frame relax and fall into his touch, "Yeah, it's somethin'... "

They stood this way for a few moments, leaning into one another's warmth before he gently tugged her elbow towards the blanket. 

He sat himself down, hand still clutched around hers and he helped the blonde onto the ground beside him. He gestured for her to lay back on the tartan cover earning him a questionable eyebrow to challenge what his aim was with this request with a smirk across her lips, "You're not getting into my pants that easily, Miller..."

"Jesus, woman..." He scoffed before giving her a half amused look whilst pointing up towards the navy night sky that twinkled with a thousand minuscule lights, "Look how clear is it. You know much about the stars?"

She smiled softly, understanding what his intentions were. Finally obliging and laying back, her gaze searching the night sky meticulously. The crescent moon and stars that shimmered and glittered, illuminated the very hill they were on. Joel fell back next to her, taking a moment to admire her celestial beauty beneath the soft glow of the moon before forcing his attention up to the constellations. She really was magnetic.

He pointed out to a small cluster of stars, which had Ava looking visibly perplexed as she slanted her chocolate eyes to search for what he was already looking at. He smiled softly at the way her nose scrunched and top lip curled, oblivious to his gaze. Carefully he lifted her hand, guiding her index finger to the area of the night sky that held the constellation and watched her face soften back into a warm grin as she finally landed upon the twinkling cluster. "You see those that look like a backward question mark with a horizontal triangle coming out of it"

The blonde nodded, "what does it mean?"

An adoring smile etched at his lips as he glanced over at her, her eyes firmly focused on the constellation. "That's the constellation, Leo."

He then pointed out to another sparkling pattern across the sky, her gaze following his hand as she shifted closer to the warmth of his body. A movement that didn't go unnoticed as he sucked in a sharp breath, "And this one, I think is Ursa Major."

Ava narrowed her eyes as she concentrated on the new arrangement of stars, "It kinda looks like a bear... if you squint."

They both chuckled in unison as they continued to stargaze. Pointing out any old rogue satellites that passed and the occasional shooting star.

Gradually cloud cover started to roll in, skewing the couples view of the night sky. The pair reverting back to conversation, laughing and sharing stories whilst enjoying there uninterrupted time together, gradually shifting closer and closer until her head rested within the crook of his arm, palm flat across his chest.

Their conversations gradually came to a natural end. The pair pausing as they caught each others warm gaze through slightly hooded eyes. Something shifting the temperature of the atmosphere around them.

The lunar moon shone down through a break in the clouds, illuminating Ava's pale hair so that it appeared white and highlighting her face with a soft blue radiance. An ethereal image, ingrained into his mind. Otherworldly as he caved into his desires to touch her.

Joel moved onto his side, a tender hand reaching out to a loose tendril of silky pale hair, tucking it carefully behind her exposed ear, his thumb gently grazing over the supple apples of her cheek as she continued to softly gaze up at him. Glistening umber eyes with flicks of honey, pulling him in as if he was spellbound.

Ava's delicate fingers traced a line from his sternum, over his peck before lightly clutching ahold of the collar of his flannel, meekly tugging him further down towards her. Their eyes momentarily searched one another's as if looking for permission as his thumb slowly dragged from her cheek to being slowly massaged across her full bottom lip. With no attempt of her moving away he didn't hesitate any longer, her mouth parted for him as he moved closer. His lips locking against her soft ones. Their kiss deepening almost instantly as their tongues searched for one another, the taste of fresh mint on his taste buds. Their lips worked in unison as Joel found himself adjusting himself more on top of her. A small lustful moan against his lips had his heart hammering as his hand ran up through her hair. The kiss only intensifying more as their breathing hitched beneath the burning desire building up. 

Oblivious to them, the darkened heavy clouds continued to roll. The heavens opening directly above them, droplets battering down fast and hard, instantly soaking the couple through to the skin. They pulled apart with a small shared laugh, the abrupt change in weather instantly cooling off their amorous exchange, their chests still heaving.

Joel pulled the petite blonde up onto her feet, wrapping his flannel around her shoulders in a poor attempt to keep her dry. 

————————————————————————

The shower was short and sharp. As quick as it came, it soaked the town and left.

Just as the evening started, the pair walked through the derelict dimly lit streets hand in hand. A warm fuzzy sensation fluttered within his chest as they came to a stop outside of Ava's home, the same place where they shared their first kiss those two months ago.

She didn't give him the chance to breath a word before once again reaching up with a palm to his jaw, pulling Joel's face into hers deeply as she licked into his mouth. A sudden desperation to take what they were to the next level.

Between searing kisses she whispered seductively into his lips as he held her flush against him, "How about coffee?"

Fucking finally. He chuckled softly against her, his tone darkening as his grip around her waist tightened. The need to adjust his increasingly tightening jeans already present. Coffee being a metaphor he knew all to well from pre-outbreak times, "Coffee sounds real good."

They barely made it through the front door before they were once again all over one another. Joel kicked the door shut behind them, his attention not once leaving Ava. This had been a long time coming, both had waited as long as they could to stay true to their 'taking it slow' agreement but the tension had become too much. He needed to taste and touch every last inch of her, needed to sink into her warmth and feel her body beneath and around him.

Her hands travelled up around the back of his neck whilst his travelled downwards, gripping the swell of her ass and pulling her pelvis into his further. His firmness causing her breath to hitch against his lips as a wanton whimper escaped. A small smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth at her lewd response, his palms gliding further downwards gripping the backs of her thighs, fingers pressing into her pliable flesh as he lifted her around his waist. 

Her grip tightened around the back of his neck as her ankles crossed behind the small of his back. Her core pressed against him, only separated by the thin material of her panties and his tee, already feeling the aroused heat that radiated from within her against his skin. He was losing it... Shit, he was losing it big time. Their already sloppy heated kisses became more intense as he carried her towards the stairs of the house.

Her nails digging and scratching urgently into his  thick skin causing him to let out a small hiss as he pinned her back against the wall, rutting his hips against her own to keep her propped up around his waist as well as to relieve a small fraction of the ache that resided between his own thighs. The thud of her shoulders slamming against the surface vibrated up through the walls.

Ava immediately hushed him with a small giggle, "Shh, you'll wake up Maddie."

At this point, he couldn't give two shits. In fact he didn't even respond to her statement before moving his lips towards her neck, nipping and sucking lightly. She tilted her head to the side with a unchaste sigh, giving him better access to continue his assault. Her breathing becoming heavier at his touch, her eyes closed as she relished in the moment. She carefully leant forward to his ear and whispered, "second door on the left."

Without wasting another second, he continued to carry the blonde up the remaining steps and into the room that she had directed him to. He allowed her feet to touch back down on the floor as they separated. Joel quietly closed the bedroom door behind him to ensure that there was some level of privacy, not even taking a beat of a moment to take in his surroundings.

Ava stood and awaited for him to re approach. Her arms automatically fell onto his shoulders as he came closer, his own wrapping around her waist as devoured her one more. Steadily, he guided her backwards towards the bed, stopping just in front, their noses brushed against one another as their lips parted by mere millimetres. His eyes explored hers for just a second, absorbing the need and sudden darkness that seeped through into them. For the first time in years, he felt his mind fall into blissful silence. No guilt, no shame, no haunting memories... just her. He pulled himself away before palming gently at her clavicle to manoeuvre her around so that her back was facing him. 

She scraped her blonde locks to one side allowing him access to the exposed skin of the nape of her neck. A trail of searing feather light kisses caressed the back of her neck and shoulders as he gently worked open the zip of her polka dot summer dress. Joel took a slight step back, looping his index finger beneath the straps of her attire, carefully dragging them over her shoulders before letting go. Admiring how the dress instantly dropped into a heap of material on the floor. 

He took a few seconds to appreciate her raw exposed beauty, taking in and memorising the curvaceous shape of her figure. The smooth sun kissed skin of her back, the effortless synch of her waist in comparison to the gentle curve of her hips, how the centre of her stomach still remained soft yet evidence of toned muscle surrounded. She was captivating, mesmerising and down right gorgeous. How the fuck did he manage... It didn't matter. He was here with her and he was going to make the most of it. He moved closer to her, leaving a tender kiss in the crook of her neck.

His voice low, he whispered into her skin, "So goddamn beautiful..."

Each word he spoke, each touch from him made the blonde weak at the knees. She took a step slightly to side, putting him back in front of her. His hands reached to caress her cheeks as once more he placed his lips against her now plump and slightly reddened ones.

Again, he nudged her backwards until the frame of the bed hit the backs of her knees. She tugged at the hem of Joel's shirt, silently requesting that he remove it. A request completed without any fuss or complaints. His palms gently supporting her figure as he carefully laid her back onto the mattress, a knee coming to rest in between the space created between her legs, allowing him to position himself over her.

His mouth moved back down towards her collar bone and trailed upwards towards her jaw. Breathless moans escaping from her lungs, her chest heaving at the thought of what was to come next. She could feel him shift his weight onto one arm as the other reached down towards his belt. The fumbling of a buckle was all it took for the air to drastically change. The mere sound of leather being unthreaded enough to force an icy panic to course through her veins and a fearful gasp to break free from her lips, her entire figure growing taut as she lay vulnerable and exposed beneath him.

Joel was quick to notice her sudden change of demeanour. Her breathing was heavy but not in the same way it was just moments prior. No, this was something else... this was... fear? Did he do something?

He searched her eyes with concern, perplexed as to what could have changed things so quickly. He couldn't pin point it... Had he come on too strong? Then he remembered... remembered her past and the things that had happened to her whilst in this intimate state at the hands of men...Men like him...His face softened, his voice barely above a whisper, "Ave, we ain't gotta do this."

She paused trying to control her breathing before eventually meeting his empathetic gaze. He sounded so genuine, this was new. There was no anger nor any pressure in his tone, just concern. He wasn't making her do anything... She was in control of her own body...His gentle mannerisms instantly allowed her body to relax under him. 

She had been with a couple of guys short term since her incident with the hunters but it had never worked out due to, well... this... The moment things turned physical, she'd clam up and each time they'd pressure and coerce. Although she'd end up caving and swallowing her fear, she never felt at ease with them, never felt safe and ultimately them being too controlling in the bedroom lead to many an argument and the failure of the relationship altogether. This however... this very moment, felt entirely different. She didn't need to cave into someone else's desires, she was allowed to listen to her own. Her body relaxed and breathing mellowed. She wanted this.

She swallowed thickly as she leant up, gently reconnecting their lips and pulling him back down with her.

"I want to." She whispered lowly into his mouth as she reached down towards his belt and pants, unbuckling them herself.

The last thing he wanted was to push this too far, to push and scare her away. His mahogany eyes searched hers once again for any inkling of doubt, ensuring this was in fact what she wanted. He kept voice low and reassuring. "You're in control. All you gotta say is 'stop' and I stop. Understand?"

She nodded delicately as she pulled him back into a deep kiss, fingers desperately trying to shuck off his remaining items of clothing.

His hands moved slowly from her waist and his own fingers dipped beneath the waistband of her panties to press against her sensitive area, circling gently with his thumb. She whimpered softly at his touch, allowing herself to enjoy the sensation whilst melting back into the mattress.

The rough pads of his fingertips continued to coax her steady build up of slick, his digits slowly becoming saturated by her arousal, her quiet whimpers filling his ears. Carefully, he tugged her soaked underwear down her thighs and notched himself at her entrance, applying the slightest amount of pressure against her, gently pushing through her wet folds. He felt her body go rigid beneath him and instantly he stilled, gently searching her eyes for permission to continue.

She took in a sharp breath and let it out slowly, ridding her mind of all the torturous flashbacks that were threatening to spill. He sensed her panic and stopped. He put her first and stopped. He stopped without her even having to ask. He stopped. Another slow exhale as she reassured herself that this was okay, that he was safe and didn’t want to hurt her. Her body once again mellow and her softened facial expression gestured for him to continue.

Joel reached for her cheek, caressing his thumb over her bottom lip, parting it from the top. He leant down, slipping his tongue into the gap created meeting hers in a gentle movement. He applied more pressure whilst pushing his pelvis carefully into hers, sliding into her warmth languidly inch by inch. His mind steadily slipping into a state of euphoria as her heat engulfed him. It had been a long time. He took it slow, allowing her body to adjust to his presence, feeling the tight flutter of her enveloping walls steadily lax. He knew better than to rush this, pausing each time he advanced further inside before gently thrusting in and out of her, keeping a steady rhythm. 

Every doubt and fear that crossed her mind soon evaporated as her body dissolved into the cushioned bed beneath her. Vixenish sounds breathed through swollen lips as she allowed herself to indulge in the heavenly burn of being stretched full. An exaggerated lick into his mouth deepened the already passionate kiss further as she bucked her hips up to meet each stroke he provided. A deep groan being pulled from him in the process. More, more, she needed more. Gently sinking her incisors into his bottom lip bringing his attention back to her.

"M-More… please" the blonde gasped between breaths and alluring hooded eyes as she watched his expression darken, as if he was about to flick a primal switch.

The seductive look of rapture capturing the essence of her pretty little face was almost enough to make him feral. This image of her hot iron branded into his brain and a smug sense of pride that it was him that allowed her to feel this way. It was becoming increasingly fucking difficult to keep himself contained but he had to keep it together for her. With one smooth stroke he pushed himself in as far as he could, bottoming out as her tightness constrained around him. She let out a loud whimper into his mouth as he kissed the tender boundary of her cervix.

"Shit." He hissed. His abdomen constricting as the stimulation became overbearing, bliss raining over him as he sheathed himself fully inside her cushioned canal. It had been a good while since his last escapade, longer than he was willing to admit and she felt so goddam fucking good. This wasn’t going to last long… there was no way that he was going to last long.

He continued to thrust into her over and over in a consistent rhythm, dragging himself most of the way out before snapping his hips back into her with a grunt. Her nails gripped into the flesh of his back, sure to leave little reddened crescent marks behind whilst feeling his muscles flex beneath her. She raised one of her thighs and looped her calf up and around his waist giving him better access to her core, almost instantly the sensation changed. The slight adjustment in position moved where pressure was being placed, that soft spongey spot deep within her now being stimulated so perfectly. Another loud wanton moan escaping her as her back arched off the bed as she grew closer to her climax.

Joel moved one arm beneath the gap created by her arched back whilst the other caged her head, keeping her locked in that sensual position that tilted her pelvis into the perfect placement. Her eyes were closed as she relished in every sensation he created within her as he continued to drive forward. He could feel her juices run down his shaft as she neared her finish, a lewd squelch each time he drilled into her. Her body began to squirm and writhe beneath him at his relentless mission to have her come.

"That's it, baby. Doin’ so good f’me…" He praised sweetly as he tried to contain his own carnal desire to fuck her stupid, a sheen of sweat forming over his tanned skin. He needed her to have this moment, to trust him enough to let go and give into her impending climax but her lustful sounds, divine cunt and the image of her convulsing voluptuous figure spread beneath him- Fuck- she was sending him so close to the damn edge.

He kept his strokes deep and languid, not changing a thing since what he was doing was apparently working well for her. Her sensual whimpers and moans increasing and projecting as she grew closer and closer to the peak of her high. Within seconds, he felt her canal clench and flutter around him, engulfing him with a deluge of her sweet release. He grunted, expression contorted with pure determination as he remained focused on not letting himself go.

"Fuck!" She cried out as she rode the intense wave provided. Sparks of white light exploding at the backs of her eyes at the sheer intensity of her orgasm. Her fingers clutching tightly through the dark locks of short loose curls on the back of his head, tugging at it.

His rhythm remained precise as he continued to thrust into her. Movements gradually becoming harder, faster more urgent. She only contracted around him more, the overstimulation becoming overwhelming as she lewdly cried out, all previous concerns of her housemate now very much forgotten in the selfish heat of the moment. 

He didn't stand a chance as she clamped down on him once more, her heels firmly dug into his ass keeping him firmly sheathed deep within her. His own climax erupting from him with little to no warning, his hot release spilling deep within her before he even had the chance to react.

He collapsed spent and exhausted on top her for a few seconds, his face buried into the crook of her neck as he panted heavily. Her own soft palms smoothing down his spine in a soothing manner before he shifted his weight to the side. A very sudden and anxiety inducing awareness of the careless, and down right reckless mistake he had just made, hitting him like a freight train. His eyes widened, breath hitching within his chest. Shit, shit, shit.

"Shit…" he cursed between gritted teeth as he pinched the bridge of his nose. How could he be so negligent? She put her damn trust in him and repays her by what? Potentially bounding her to him for life? Fuck.

He searched her face in panic and took a deep breath in before continuing to express his confession. A clammy palm rubbing down his face as he fell back onto the mattress with a troubled sigh. "I...I didn't get out in time-"

He gave the blonde a confused look as she began to chuckle. Why the fuck was this funny? Did she do this on purpose? His body rolled over to face her with a harshly arched brow, almost about to snap before she took a demure hold of his hand and ran the calloused pads of his fingers over the rough raised scarring on her lower abdomen, her voice was low as she leant over to place a gentle kiss against his lips "Don't panic. You’re not going to get me pregnant…"

Joel instantly let out a heavy puff of air, the sudden relief dissipating the nauseated churn of his stomach as he rolled onto his back. Ava shifted toward him so her head and hand rested against his bare chest, still sticky from the constraint he had shown. He nuzzled his nose into the side of her head, brushing his lips against her temple as he breathed her in. Her own sweet homely scent now mixed exquisitely with his own providing some sort of unexplainable comfort. As if it was natural, as if it was meant to be.

Ava's brows knitted together as she gazed up at him, exhaustion glazing over her pretty doe eyes. "Joel?"

His soft adoring gaze met hers, encouraging for her to continue as he held her in his arms in the most intimate way yet.

Her expression needy as she searched his eyes, desperation in her honeyed timid tone, "Stay... just for a bit…"

A warm smile tugged at his lips as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. The same arm then snaked around her, pulling her further into his chest, holding her naked form close and safe. 

Their entangled bodies in their most vulnerable state held flushed against each other. Ava could feel herself drowning within his arms. His hold feeling like a weighted security blanket around her and for the first time in many years she found safety in the form of a man. In that moment, she felt as if nobody could touch her, as if she was his. Her lids falling unbearably heavy as her face nuzzled into the column of his throat, allowing his furnace like heat to envelop her and ease her into a deep peaceful slumber.

Chapter Text

Dawn broke and the mornings first light seeped through the thin threadbare curtains.  Joel stirred as the unfamiliar room gradually started to lighten up. His eyes slowly flickering open, to be faced with a mass of disheveled blonde hair. She was still sound asleep. Her warm body a perfectly snug fit against his own as one of his arms draped over her bare waist whilst the other rested beneath the crook of her neck. Even now, when asleep and unsuspecting, she was gorgeous. He nuzzled into the back of her head, inhaling her comforting scent that was now combined with his own. The bliss of early morning and the cozy heat of her her figure slowly lulling him back into a steady slumber. It was something he'd hate to admit, even to himself but he'd greatly missed the comfort that was a woman in his bed. In his bed... sudden recollections of last night's events flashed into his mind. Eyes springing open abruptly. This wasn't his bed... Fuck! He never actually made it home the night before. Shit. Ellie.

He had told her that he'd be home by eleven that evening... Promised her even! He adjusted himself slightly, trying his hardest not to awake Ava as he tried to catch sight of the time from his watch. The face was still cracked but he'd somehow managed to get it ticking again. She appeared to stir as she turned around in his arms but soon settled again with her hands now rested up against his chest, her soft steady breaths tickling his skin. She moved just enough for him to have a clear view of his watch. It was four in the morning... five hours after he was supposed to be home.

He'd be lying if he said that he wanted to leave. It had been the best nights sleep he'd had in fucking years but he had to put Ellie's needs above his own desires. He tiredly sighed as he glanced down at the blonde in his arms. He couldn't help it as the corner of his lip twitched upwards at the sight. He had his reservations at the start but he was glad he took a chance on her and that she took one on him. It took him some time to realise or rather admit it to himself but she was exactly what he needed. Someone kind and soft, funny and beautiful to soothe that harsh survivalist mentality and turn it into something human. She was doing a good job at it as well as he eyed up his clothes that were strewn across her bedroom floor. His body left bare and vulnerable against hers, their only protection being the thin duvet that covered them. Sleeping naked was something he had refused to do in decades... it wasn't safe, it left him exposed. What if he needed to get up and fight or flee?... Yet here he was, with a body more vulnerable than his own peacefully tucked up into him.

He gently traced the calloused pads of his finger tips down her arm. As much as he didn't want to wake her, he knew better than to leave without a word- he wasn't that much of an ass. She buried her head into his chest as she hummed into him, murmuring something incoherent whilst sleepily attempting to ignore his tries at awakening her. He squeezed the top of her arm once more time as she looked up to face him with a yawn.

"Mornin'." His low southern drawl thick and gravely as he stroked her hair.

A sleepy smile grew on the blondes face as she leaned up, cupping his jaw and leaving a delicate, tender kiss upon his lips. "Good Morning."

Good fucking morning, indeed. Why was she making it so fucking hard to leave? He smiled softly at her before letting out another sigh. "I gotta go. Ellie's probably wonderin' where the hell I am..."

Ava couldn't help but chuckle to herself, "I think she could take an educated guess to where you've been, she's a smart girl... She's just gonna kill you for leaving her on her own."

Joel grimaced as he wiped his hand down his face. The thought of the crude comments awaiting him at home already leaving a tension within his gut. "Yeah, I think you're right…"

The blonde patted his chest playfully, her lips curving reassuringly. "Go on, go."

He left one last fragile kiss on her forehead before chucking his clothes back on and quietly sneaking out of the house, being careful to not stir her housemate.

Ava allowed her focus to follow his figure as he left her room, a blissful smile etched onto her face as her gaze lingered vacantly on the door. The lack of his furnace like presence around her leaving space for the cool air to prickle at her now pebbled skin. She turned over snuggling deep beneath the cotton covers, she couldn't help but bite down on her full bottom lip that continued to beam as she fondly thought back to the night before. Even though she was in her early thirties, this man had her giddy like a damn teenager all over again.

------------------------------------------------

The town was mostly still at this time in the morning apart from the odd bird flying over head. It always was. Joel hastily made his way back to his own house.

He crept up the porch and entered silently through the front door. He hoped that the teen would have fallen asleep early on and not noticed that he didn't come back on time- or at all. He soundlessly closed the door behind him, not even having the chance to straighten his posture before the teens plangent voice rang into his ears, 

"I think you need your watch looking at, Joel."

"Jesus Christ…" He muttered to himself as he took in a sharp breath, preparing for the bombardment of attitude and crassness.

Ellie was sat upright on the couch in her pyjamas, she had a knowing and mischievous smirk on her face as he rounded the corner. Joel already knew what was coming but at least she wasn't going off the rails at the fact she was left on her own- it was progress.

"I wonder where you ended up last night." She taunted with a shit eating grin.

He let out a deep sigh, firmly shaking his head at her in an attempt to refuse a response- As if he had a choice. Ellie knew damn well she could get a better retaliation out of him than that.

Her face scrunched as she tried her best to keep a relatively straight face, "I mean, I can't blame you. That dress wasn't leaving much to the imag-"

She was swiftly cut off.

"Ellie." He warned sternly. His brow forming into that signature scowl he so often wore.

There it was. The retaliation she was after, the grin creeping wider across her cheeks with a snigger, "I'm just messin' with you!"

Joel let out another deep sigh before joining Ellie on the couch, slumping down into its cushions and rolling his head back. "Did you stay up?"

Ellie rubbed her eyes tiredly "No, I went to bed... I had a night mare a couple of hours ago and couldn't get back to sleep…"

More guilt crept in as he hung his head lowly between his shoulders. Poor kid was probably petrified sat there alone whilst he was too concerned with getting his dick wet, everything else in his life becoming a second thought within the heat of the moment. "Shit, I'm sorry kiddo." 

The teen forced a  shrug. "It's fine." She paused for a couple of seconds as if she was contemplating her words before continuing. "I'm happy that, well uhh, y'know…you found someone. And she's pretty damn cool so I'll forgive you."

Joel huffed a laugh, sinking back into the couch, "Yeah, she's really somethin'…I'll make sure I get back next time. Promise."

Ellie couldn't help but take one more jab, a grimace sprawling across her expression. "It's okay... I'd rather you do that at hers than here. I think accidentally hearing that would give me more nightmares."

Another stern look was fired her way. Her grimace turning into another mischievous smirk as her hands raised above her shoulders in submission. The unamused glare being her sign to quit her teasing.

The teen then took in another breath, the smirk falling from her lips and morphed into something more innocent, "But, in all seriousness. I get that you may want an evening to yourself every now and again... and soon I'm not gonna be able to stay with Tommy ‘cause the baby so I was maybe thinking we could get a dog? Y'know... for company and protection."

Joel cocked an eyebrow, looking at the girl from the corner of his eye. "We?" 

Ellie slammed her eyes. It very clearly was ‘we’ at this point, had been for a long time now but she’d humour him, anyhow. "Alright then, I could get a dog?" 

He hesitated and sniffed, vision focusing vacantly onto a spot on the adjacent wall. It wasn't a terrible idea and he knew of a litter of puppies that were going to be due within a couple of weeks just down the street, "I'll think about it…"

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Ava jumped out the shower and wrapped her bath robe around her. The room steamed up from the heat of the water, humid ghostly tendrils swirling around her damp form as she cracked open the door allowing a flow of fresh air in. The last thing she needed was the condensation causing mould; there was enough fungus in the world, she didn’t need any more. She sat on the stiff edge of the bath tub as she began towel drying her hair, a dull pang resonating between her thighs and up into her lower abdomen as the evidence of last nights activities lingered within her. 

The bathroom door being slightly open caught the attention of her house mate, indicating that she was decent but not stopping to think if her sudden presence was appropriate. Maddie swung the door open and waited in the doorway, hands on hips with eyebrows raised and a bemused grin on her face. She was a small woman, a couple years junior to Ava and very slim built but for what she lacked in size, she certainly made up for with her mouth and personality.

Ava narrowed her eyes as she waited for her friend to speak. Judging by shit eating smirk adorned across her friends lips, she could already tell that she was about to be questioned by within an inch of her life. Something she was hoping to avoid…

"Who is he then?" Maddie asked curiously, a smugness to her tone.

The blonde decided to play dumb on the matter as she nonchalantly continued to squeeze the water out of her locks, "Who's who?"

The brunette scoffed, her grey eyes not leaving Ava who dipped her head to avoid further eye contact, "The guy you were obviously with last night! The point of sneaking someone in, is to be quiet..."

Oh, now that was pot calling the kettle black…Ava let out an ironic laugh, "Oh, like you're quiet!"

Maddie smirked "That's because I don't sneak them in, I have no shame and nothing to hide,"  she paused before bobbing her eyebrows as she moved into the room further, lingering by the sink, "Sounded like you had a good time..."

The blonde gasped a flustered laugh, feeling the blood rush to her cheeks. She could tell it was visible by the shit eating grin on her friends face. "Mads!"

She just laughed it off and shrugged "Girl, this is a fucking huge thing for you. Tell me everything!"

Ava sighed whilst glancing down at her hands. A small smile still present on her face, "I can't but I do really like this one..."

Maddie scoffed once more with a dirty laugh and a lewd mimic of the noises she had apparently heard, earning her an exasperated eye roll in return, "Yeah I could fucking tell!"

The brunette continued before her friend had the chance to reprimand her for the crass remark, her voice almost whining "Ave, I tell you literally everything when I meet a guy..."

"Yeah, too much!" The blonde declared, a blatant humour to her tone. Maddie wasn't shy nor was she a prude and it had become a fairly common occurrence for her to bring various men back to the house after a successful night out at the Tipsy Bison and Ava, very much against her will would be forced to hear all about it the next morning in great detail.

"Please tell me, I'm your closest friend." Maddie pleaded dramatically, coming to sit next to her friend on the side of the tub with her head rested against her shoulder and eyes lashes batting away.

Ava sighed and then hesitated. For fuck sake... so much for keeping it a secret. Anyway... Ellie knew so it only seemed fair for someone on her side found out. "If you breath a word to anyone I... I'll throw you to the infected."

Maddie scooched up further beside the blonde on the edge of the bath tub and gestured 'locked lips'.

The blonde couldn't help but chuckle and roll her eyes. She took a deep breath and looked down to her hands where she found herself fiddling with the skin around her nail beds, a tense smile still etched to her lips as she mumbled her confession. "Tommy's brother..."

The brunette playfully punched her arm, a bewildered look of amusement painting her expression. "No way! Fuck off! That Joel guy? Fair play!" She paused for a second, an eyebrow cocked as her face morphed into one of perplexity. "So why are you being so quiet about it?"

Ava fiddled with the cotton of her towel "It's easier when it's not public knowledge. Y'know, we're just making sure that it works before telling the world..."

Maddie shrugged and gave a small understanding nod "That makes sense... jeez, first Maria, now you. I feel like I'm missing out on something. Is there a third Miller brother?"

The blonde chuckled as she rested her head on her friends shoulder. Maddie wrapped her arms around her tightly "I'm just happy that you're happy."

The already small smile present on Ava's face grew fondly. Things were going pretty fucking good for her at the moment. She enjoyed her roles within the community, had a great group of close friends that she loved with her whole heart and now Joel had come along- perhaps to fill that last remaining void..."Yeah, I'm pretty damn happy."

Chapter Text

"Feels just like the old times, huh?" Tommy smirked as he and his horse strolled slightly on ahead.

Joel was closely following behind, he gave Tommy a small shrug. It wasn't quite the same as before. Yes, on both occasions it was about collecting supplies in order to survive but this time round it was much more ethical. There didn't have to be any further blood on their hands. Nobody innocent had to die for it... but he understood what his brother meant. It was more about them being out in the wilderness together.

"Minus the horses, yeah, a little. I guess" 

The brothers and a couple of others had left Jackson around thirty six hours ago to go on a supply run after hearing rumours of an abandoned settlement nearby in Dubois. Much to their luck, the place was pretty much cleared out bar from a small horde that they soon noticed wandering the streets.

As with most places these days, after twenty years the majority of the shops shelves were swiped clean of anything that would be deemed as a 'survival necessity'. 

Tommy called out to address the rest of the group as he grounded to a halt,  "We'll tie up here and spend the night , see what we can find and then head back tomorrow." 

Each member swiftly dismounted down from their rides, tying them up onto nearby trees before heading separate ways to scout the place out.

Joel quietly made his way through one of the narrow pathed streets just off the main high street. The buildings infrastructures appeared weakened with nature taking over, walls traced with vines of unruly ivy and the evidence of burned out tendrils trailing over the brick work. Most shops either had the front windows smashed or were boarded up.

He released a deep sigh whilst kicking a broken pane of glass to the side of the pavement. He wasn't holding out much hope for finding anything substantial but anything was better than nothing.

Further down the road he came across an old boarded up apothecary. He reached for the rusted crow bar stored in the back pocket of his rucksack and wedged it between the borders, beginning to heave and tear down each of the stiff boards to gain entry.

As soon as the first board came down, he could hear an array of shrill screeches thundering towards him from the inside. The creature was quick to make itself visible, sticking its head through the hole in the door and clawing at the remaining partitions that separated itself from scent of untainted human blood. Joel acted quickly, using the instrument already in his grip to beat the clicker over the head over and over. Once decapacitated enough, he grabbed for his handgun and launched one precisely shot bullet through its toughened skull. Blackened congealed blood and fungus splattered the surrounding partition and pooled onto the floor as the infected body went limp.

Joel let out a grunt as he pulled down the remaining boards, allowing them to crash to the ground alongside the now deceased clicker. He cautiously edged inside being wary for any other infected figures lurking in the shadows. Clear.

Each step was deliberate and calculated as he made his way through the various aisles, scanning for any untouched items remaining on the shelves. It was very much unexpected for this particular shop to still be particularly well stocked. Several boxes of over-counter pain killers, contraceptives and other medications were quickly swiped into his bag.

Joel looked up, noting the large symbol of a green cross at the back of the room. A green cross that would have once symbolised a working pharmacy. He moved towards the counter, hopping over with some ease and landing with a crunch. A quick moment spared to glance down and see that his boot had thudded down on and sunk through the burnt out body of another infected whilst a further three almost disintegrated bodies scattered the floor in front of him. He guessed that this was the reason why so much was left in the shop. He kicked the bodies aside as he once again started grabbing for any boxes remaining in the back room cabinets. Bingo. A stash of various antibiotics, insulin and steroid creams.

He swiftly made his way back down through the shop floor before a shelf on the right hand side caught his eye. A shelf that contained hair products. He stuffed a couple of bottles of shampoo into his rucksack and then noticed on the very bottom shelf, a single box of DIY hair bleach. He smirked to himself as he grabbed the box, turning it over in his palms whilst his eyes scanned it over for any punctures. He gathered fairly early on that Ava's pale locks weren’t naturally the icy blonde it currently was, the observation only becoming more evident as her dark roots grew through. He stuffed the package into the inside pocket of his coat before then continuing out of the building. 

—————————————————-

The group completed their scouting of the small settlement much sooner than initially anticipated and in turn decided to travel back through the darkness of night instead of staying put in Dubois until daylight. The weather treated them well with a clear sky above that was well lit by the moon, they made it back to Jackson by late morning the next day.

The men hopped down off their horses and passed them over to the grooms before making their way down to the shop. Eddie was on shift for that morning and helped the group sort through their items. Anything medical would be moved to the pharmacy, food would be split between the kitchen and market, everything else would then be displayed at the shop for trading.

Joel eventually made it through the door of his home by midday. Exhausted and achy, he had hoped to collapse straight into bed but instead was greeted at the front door by a rather enthusiastic Ellie. Goddamn it, he'd forgotten that he'd promised to take her to see the litter of puppies now that they had been born and to potentially pick one out.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly with his fists, stifling back a yawn. "I thought you were stayin' with Maria at Tommy's?"

"I was but Maria wasn't feeling so great this morning and I figured you'd be back at some point today…" Ellie responded, trying to hold back an expecting grin.

Joel frowned as he watched her expression. He knew exactly why but still had the urge to humour the kid. "Why you lookin' at me like that?"

"Sooo, the puppies?" She beamed with a toothy full grin and a shrug.

“Can’t never have a damn break, can I?” He rolled his eyes and let out a deep sigh, "Alright, lemme take a shower real quick and we'll go over."

—————————————

The pair made their way over to the next street down, Ellie almost skipping ahead with excitement.

"I've never had a pet before!" She beamed as she turned back to face Joel.

His voice responded nonchalantly whilst absentmindedly scratching at the stubble upon his chin, "I won Sarah a goldfish once at a fair." 

The teen paused as she waited for the older man to catch up to her, brows furrowed. "What happened to it?"

Joel shrugged as he watched Ellie now walking backwards. How she hadn’t stumbled over was something not short of a wonder, "The last time I saw it was over twenty years ago in a bowl, on my kitchen side…"

She mouthed the word 'oh' with wide eyes as she then turned back around to continue walking forwards. She could feel Joel's eyes burning into her, sensing a lecture on its way.

"Listen." He started, tone firm. Not in the condescending way it used to be but more in an authoritative, parental guidance sort of way… "Y'know a dog's a big responsibility, right?"

Ellie slammed her eyes and nodded. "Got it."

He caught up to the teens shoulder before continuing, "You gotta be the one to feed it, walk it and I sure as hell ain't pickin' up its shit so that's on you as well."

The teen mimicked him sarcastically earning her a glare. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I'll look after it."

He wasn't totally convinced that Ellie understood the responsibility but here he was about to walk into a house full of puppies to pick one out. It was too late to back out now. 

They entered through the front gates of a small house. The front was overgrown, hedges haywire, grass standing at least a foot high and the wooden fencing setting the boundaries were weak and rotted through. There also seemed to be quite a bit of wear and tear on the exterior of the house itself with deep cracks showing in the structure of the outer walls and several slats of the roof in dire need of replacing.

Joel reached over Ellie and placed a heavy knock at the door, knuckles rapping at the chipped red door in three beats. After a few moments, they were greeted by an older man who looked to be in his late sixties. He was tall, very slim built - scrawny even, and sported a long scraggly beard with deep set wrinkles creviced into his weathered face . 

"You here 'bout the dogs?" The man croaked, shoulders hunching over.

Joel gave a slight nod as stoic as ever before following the older gentleman inside, Ellie keeping hot on his heels.

“Gonna be you in a few years…” The teen muttered, a menacing smirk etching across her lips.

His head rolled exasperated to the side, keen to not draw any attention to her remark. He simply responded by discreetly flipping her his middle finger, earning him a smug snort in response.

The house looked grubby, more so than the others and had a distinct aroma of damp dog. He gave Ellie a subtle judging look that she simply shrugged off. Was he fuck going to end up like this… and in a ‘few years’… Cheeky fucking shit…

They were lead into a small utility room that was blocked off by a baby gate. Behind the measly partition wiggled six very small puppies alongside their mother.

Ellie rushed over, hopping the gate with ease and falling to her knees. Providing the mother with plenty of fuss and pets before redirecting her attention to the puddle of inbounding pups. All six of them with swollen little belly’s full of milk and chunky padded paws.

Joel stayed behind the gate keeping a close eye on the teen.

 "What breed?" He asked curiously. He gathered that he should probably ask some questions before adopting one of them.

The older man raised his shoulders as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world. "Mutt."

Joel refrained from slamming his eyes as he refocused on Ellie, "Which one do you want?"

The teen sat on the floor as the tiny pups climbed all over her, biting at her sleeves and all scrambling for her affection. One of the puppies caught her eye more so that the others. He was a chunky fella, with a scruffy tri-coloured coat. This little guy spent its time attached to Ellie's shoe lace, tugging with all its might. He was determined and it reminded her a little bit of herself. She picked the small canine up to inspect him further to which he wriggled towards her face, licking its flat wet tongue to her cheek.

She immediately looked up at Joel, presenting the puppy to him with a grin, "This one."

Joel gave her a small nod with a slight huff of air. He knew nothing came free in this world, he'd need to trade in order to secure this puppy. He turned to the old man that was leant up against the wall. He didn’t have any specific belongings that he was willing to trade but he could offer his services, "I'll replace the fencing around your perimeter."

The older man hesitated to think on the offer before shifting his weight and adding, "if you can also clear the front for me, the pup is yours."

Joel briefly looked back round to Ellie who still had the animal cradled in her arms. Seeing the contented smile on her face, eyes gazing adoringly at the small animal and he knew that there was no challenging it. "Deal."

The three then discussed when would be best to take their new family member home and also when Joel would need to complete the work by. The puppy was still very young and so for the time being needed to stay with its mother. After some back and forth it was agreed that if Joel could get the fencing sorted within the next four weeks, they could then bring their new pet home.

—————————————————————

Joel once again, finally made it back home. He kicked his boots off and made his way to the kitchen to make himself a well earned cup of coffee. 

Ellie had decided to stay out and spend some time with Cat and so he finally had a chance at catching some peace and quiet. He sat at the table, sipping at the hot liquid and relishing at the silence that came alongside being alone. The previous couple of days had been full on and left very little time to relax so times like this, where he could recharge, felt golden. 

The silence soon was interrupted as he heard the front door handle twist with a squeak. His brow furrowed as he straightened to see who it was, half expecting it to be his brother on the other side. He edged into the hall way to find Ava already inside and removing her shoes. A pleasant surprise. She gazed up catching his eye, lips tugging upward at the sight of him before reaching up and around the back of his neck, pulling him into an embrace. His arms wrapping taut around her waist as she planted a tender kiss onto his lips. 

It had been a few weeks since their 'official date' and everything since just felt so natural, as if their lives were always meant to intertwine and slot into one another so perfectly. They would usually wind up seeing each other most days and well, when the opportunities presented themselves they just couldn't keep their hands off one another.

She hummed into his lips as she broke the kiss, still holding one another close,"I heard that you got back this morning so thought I'd drop by…How was the trip?"

He smiled down, the corners of his eyes creasing as he saw the glisten of care in hers, his grip loosening ever so slightly on her waist. "Yeah, was pretty uneventful. We managed to find a few useful things."

He paused for a second as he remembered what he had stuffed inside his coat pocket, "Actually, I've brought somethin' back for you…"

The blonde looked at him curiously as he pulled away and began rummaging through his coat pocket that was draped over the bannister.

He turned back round to face her with a mischievous grin spread across his face, before reaching a gentle hand out to carefully twirl a strand of her hair around his finger and then caress her cheek as he let it fall, "I noticed your roots are showin’ quite a bit…"

She scoffed, the flat of her palm playfully slapping the broad of his chest, "You cheeky shit!"

He sniggered to himself as he pulled her back in flush against him, handing her the small purple box of hair bleach. She gave him another bemused look, a hint of gratitude apparent in her tone, "thank you."

She pulled away once more to put the box alongside her other belongings. Joel took this as an opportunity to move into the living area. He unbuttoned the top button of his flannel and slumped himself back comfy into the couch cushions, arms draping across the back invitingly.

Ava glanced over her shoulder whilst she was still crouched down next to the door. She eyed the key that was hung beside her before making a decision to lock the front door. He hadn’t gone ahead and sat like that for no reason…

She sauntered into the living area stopping in front of Joel, standing between his  already parted legs. He looked up at her with a raised brow and subtle, slightly hopeful looking smirk. A look that didn’t warrant a verbal response from her as she instead languidly climbed upon him, her own legs straddling either side of his hips. The smirk only spreading across his cheeks at the sight of her tongue running along her bottom lip as she sat so suggestively upon his lap.

His attention took the time to roam over her body, dragging down to the thick of her spread legs before moving back up to her darkening umber eyes, a smugness to his voice as his fingertips grazed over the crease that separated her hip from the beginning of her thigh, "Missed me, huh?"

She leaned forward seductively, nipping lightly at his bottom lip, capturing its fullness between her front teeth and gently tugging. Her sound no louder than a whisper with a raunchy playfulness to her tone. "Maybe a little bit... I've locked the door."

His eyes turned almost black as a devilish smirk grew across his face. He grabbed either side of her thighs pulling her further onto his lap and crashed his lips against hers with urgency after days of being deprived from her touch and affections. Their mouths worked in unison, tongues battling against one another. The kiss only growing hungrier as Ava pushed down on his chest, slowly starting to grind her hips down on him, rolling herself deliberately over the solidness of his crotch and smirking into his mouth at his involuntary twitching reaction. His hands firmly grabbing at the globes of her ass, weighting her clothed cunt down against his hardening length, hissing at the euphoric friction.  An amatory moan being breathed into his lips at the sensation of his bulge nudging into her core. His left hand raised to gently cup the side of her jaw, carefully manoeuvring her back slightly all whilst refusing to break the kiss, the fingers of his spare hand carefully slipping beneath the waist band of her cargo pants. Her own hands reaching down upon taking the hint, fumbling with his belt buckle, eventually freeing it and unzipping his jeans. A severe desperation to once again feel him inside herself, a desire she would safely assume to be mutual.

Knock knock

They pulled apart momentarily as a result of the disturbance. He looked to her glazed over eyes with blown pupils that were oh so needy.

Her voice breathy as she slipped her tongue back between his still parted lips, body continuing to roll against him as she began unbuttoning the rest of his shirt, "Just ignore it, they'll go away."

Knock knock, "Joel, open up! Since when do you ever lock your fuckin' door" Tommy's voiced called from the other side.

Joel slammed his eyes and rolled his head back against the couch whilst letting out an exasperated deep sigh. Where was the fucking privacy in this damn place? He gave Ava's thighs a gentle pat, leaving one last quick peck to her swollen pink lips. "He'll sooner break down my door than leave, I gotta get this."

"Two minutes, Tommy!" He called out, attention turning toward the front door.

Ava backed off him a little and in turn he looked down to his crotch area as he buttoned his shirt back up . His brows furrowed before looking up at her, "I can't answer the door like this. You're gonna have to answer."

“Wha-”

Before she had time to object, he had already hoisted her from his lap moved her to the side, her voice firm but still no more than a whisper "Joel!"

He squeezed the top of her shoulder "Just make somethin' up about watch or visitin' Ellie. I just need two minutes to uh... calm down…"

He rushed off upstairs as Ava took a sharp breath in and flattened down the back of her hair to answer the door, hoping her slightly disheveled appearance didn’t cause any suspicions.

Cracking the front door open, she could see Tommy glancing at something to his side,  about to blurt something out as he turned to face who he assumed to be his brother. His face instantly dropping to perplexity upon her presence.

"Oh.. Ave… Hi…Uh, is-is Joel about?" He asked stiffly. An awkward thickness appearing in the surrounding atmosphere.

She cleared her throat whilst running her fingers through her slightly tangled locks, a steady nod of her head as she gestured towards the stairs. "Mhm, he's..uh..he’s just in the bathroom…"

Tommy raised an eyebrow whilst narrowing his gaze as he shifted his weight in the door way,"uh-huh…" He paused for a few moments, as if he was weighing up the possible scenarios before Ava jumped back in.

"We were just discussing next Mondays watch. I was hoping he could give me a hand in the shop before so I wouldn't be late." She blurted out so quickly and unnaturally that it was so clearly forced.

Tommy eyed her up and down. He wasn't stupid. Her face was flustered and flushed pink with the dead give away definitely being the fact that her pants were unbuttoned. "Right..."

She followed his gaze down to the waist band of her jeans and suddenly realised what he was looking at. Shit, she hadn't even realised that Joel must have undone them. Fuck.

As if on queue, Joel finally appeared behind her. Tommy slipped past her and she could swear she saw a hint of a smirk to his lips as he moved by to greet his brother. Ava used the opportunity to quickly button her cargos back up, cursing herself under her breath.

She lingered by the front door as Tommy looked suspiciously between her and his brother, "Wasn't interruptin' anythin’, was I?"

Joel awkwardly scratched the back of his head, a stiff sniff inward before responding. "Uh, no. Just chattin' about watch."

He paused for a second, that subtle smug smirk reappearing on the younger brothers face, "Ah, riveting…"

Joel slammed his eyes, an exasperated palm dragged down his still exhausted face, "What d'you need, Tommy?" 

"I don't need anythin' just here to let y'know that Maria's just gone into labour. Means Ellie can't really stay round no more." the brother explained, the smugness morphing into something of pride and excitement.

Joel pulled his brother into an embrace, "Shit, congrats little brother. Yeah, yeah no bother, I’ll let her know." 

Ava moved up beside Joel to also congratulate Tommy and offer any help.

"Listen, I gotta go. Just wanted to make you aware." The younger brother grinned as he headed back out towards the door.

Joel gave him a friendly clap across the back before closing it behind him, "Let me know when she's had 'em."

————————————————————————-

Joel shut the door behind his brother and then walked into the kitchen with another puff of breath, a tensed one that he’d apparently been holding for the entirety of Tommy’s poorly timed and fleeting visit. Ava followed him in and leaned back against the counter.

"Good fuckin' job we got back when we did…" he scoffed as he tipped his old cup of coffee down the sink.

"Yeah, I don't think Maria was due for another couple of weeks, so probably a bit of a surprise! " She pondered as Joel made his way back over to her, his hands rested either side of the counter she was rested against. It was clear that he intended on finishing what was started before they were interrupted.

She wrapped both her arms around the back of his neck as he leant down once again meeting her lips with his own.

It was mere seconds before the front door flew open again. Ellie burst in like a small tornado hurdling toward the fridge and cupboards that she had planned on raiding. She took one look at the now familiar couple and instantly turned on her heels with an audible gag, leaving to run upstairs in a hurry, "Gross! Go get a room!" 

Joel once again slammed his eyes and let out a deep sigh. Ava couldn't help but bury her head into his chest and chuckle. 

The vibrations of her laughter through his chest brought a small bemused smirk to his face, he stroked the back of her head. "We're stickin' to your place going forward…"

Chapter Text

Pulling Tommy into a brotherly embrace, Joel fondly clapped his back as both him and Ellie entered his brothers home.

"Congrats little brother." 

Tommy let out a small elated chuckle at his older brothers words. After Joel's initial not so warming response to Tommy revealing Maria's pregnancy, he couldn't help but worry that he'd pull away once the little one was here. He'd try to understand, he really would but it didn't mean that it wouldn't hurt. Thankfully, this wasn't the case. Something had definitely shifted for the better since his older brother had returned back to Jackson. He seemed... lighter. More like the older brother he remembered from many moons ago.

The younger Miller lead them through to the living area where Maria was perched on the couch, cradling their new born within her arms. The small baby nestled securely into her chest.

The distinct smell of a new born child filled the room. The scent wafting into his senses and bringing bittersweet flash backs to Joel's mind. To a time when he first brought Sarah home. He swallowed thickly as he did what he could to push those thoughts down and bury them deep. It wasn't fair to ruin this for Tommy. Not today. Today, he had to be pleased for his brother and not visibly mourn his losses.

He moved into the living space, settling on the couch opposite Maria. Ellie excitedly bounded over to Maria's side and crouched down to get a better look of the infant.

"What is it?" Ellie asked enthusiastically. Although, perhaps not using the correct tone or wording for her honest question.

Maria let out a soft chuckle as Tommy joined her side, "Baby boy"

There was a slight pause as Ellie carefully used her index finger to pull down the knitted blanket from the babies mouth so she could have a unobstructed view.

The mother had a warming smile etched across her lips as she watched Ellie take an interest, "Would you like to hold him?"

Ellie looked up wide eyed and then turned to Joel for approval, who simply responded with a nonchalant shrug. She then nodded at Maria who gestured for the girl to sit down.

Ellie plopped down next to Joel and held her arms out in anticipation. Maria gently placed the infant in the teens arms before making her way back to her seat.

It was her first time holding a baby. He was heavier than expected yet so delicate. She was rigid and tense whilst attempting to cradle the tiny being, worried that one wrong move might hurt the small human.

"Mind his head." Joel's words grabbed her attention as he leant across and adjusted her arm so that the child's head rested more securely, a gentle action that seem far to natural and soft for him.

He looked up to Tommy who gave him a small appreciative nod at the gesture. 

"What's his name?" Ellie asked inquisitively, her eyes still fixated on the baby cradled within her arms.

"Charley." Maria responded, that warm curve of the lips still softly present on her expression. She paused for a brief second before expanding with that small smile on her face pleasantly growing. "He's named after my father who founded this place."

Ellie smiled as she cooed quietly at the tiny being.  Her words and actions so delicate as if to not spook the fragile youngster. "Welcome to the world, Charley."

Tommy grinned as he watched the interaction before turning his attention to his brother.

"You wanna hold him?" He asked 

Out of the corner of his eye, Joel could see Maria's face drop but before he had chance to respond to Tommy, the infant had already been plucked from Ellie's arms and was being handed over to him. He swallowed thickly, his focus fixing on Tommy with a forced smile whilst still feeling the tension of Maria's burning glare.

He accepted the child into his arms and sat back comfortably, the taut smile gradually relaxing into something real. A genuine warmth radiating through his chest at the familiar warm weight of his new born nephew. He adjusted the blanket around the infants face to which he reached out, clasping his small delicate digits around Joel's finger. Within an instant, Joel felt the strings in his heart tug as another bitter sweet memory passed through his mind. He held it together and snorted a soft laugh as he looked up at Tommy with glassy eyes, his voice subtly cracking. So subtle that it was almost unnoticeable unless you were listening out for it, "He's real cute."

He could feel Maria's cold eyes boring into him, watching his every move like a hawk. Even though he'd been around for a few months now, the tension was still very much palpable between the two. Joel had come to accept that Maria was never going to fully warm up to him but it did concern him that it may become an obstacle in his and Ava's relationship if it were to become common knowledge. Would she still want him if she knew the kind of man he really was?

His thoughts were interrupted as little Charley stirred in his arms, letting out a series of small wails. Joel instinctively went to comfort him but Maria was quick to shoot off the couch and take back her son.

She looked up at her husband tentatively as she rocked the child in her arms, placing gentle soothing pats to his small back, "I think that's enough for one day, I'm going to take him upstairs for a nap," she then looked over at Ellie, "You can help me if you like?"

Ellie beamed and followed Maria out of the living area and up the stairs, leaving Tommy and Joel alone.

Joel gave Tommy a nod with a sincere smile, "I'm happy for you. I mean it."

Tommy's mouth curved in response as he poured out two glasses of golden whiskey from the dispenser, "Thanks."

He continued to place the glasses down onto the coffee table that separated the two couches, opting to sit on the one opposite to Joel.

Both men reached for their retrospective glasses and let out a sigh as the deep amber liquid burned down their throats. There was a few moments of comfortable silence before Tommy piped up.

"So... You and Ava then?" He quipped, a brow arching inquisitively with a hint of a smirk tugging at the corner of his lip.

Joel gulped back his surprise at the topic broached and furrowed his brows as he took another sip. Beginning to feel himself become flustered just at the mention of both their names in the same sentence alongside his brothers menacing tone. "Huh?"

Tommy narrowed his eyes towards his brother, leaning forward onto his elbows. The tweak of his lips contorting mischievously as he tried to pry the already assumed truth from his stubborn ass sibling. "The other day?"

The older brother sniffed inwards, swirling the content of his glass around and responding nonchalantly, carefree almost. Of course, it was a lie.  "Oh yeah, we were just discussin' our watch shift ahead of time."

Tommy couldn't help but smirk as he took a sip of his drink with a quiet snort as he delivered his blow with raised brows. "Didn't realise that involved takin' her pants off?"

Joel glanced up from his glass, eyes nervously darting towards his eagle eyed brother. She answered the door with her fucking pants undone? Shit. 

"You can't bullshit me, my brother...Only one fuckin’ reason you’d lock your front door." The younger sibling chuckled, eyes crinkling from amusement at his older brothers mortified expression. The sight of him speechless with mouth slightly agape only added additional humour to the scenario.

There wasn't any way he was worming his way out of this one. He'd been caught almost red handed and his delayed response only confirmed it further. Instead he snorted as a smug smirk appeared on his own face. Smug was the only word for it, that's exactly how he felt upon realising that in his eyes, he'd managed to bag himself the most attractive woman living in the Jackson... Shit, most attractive woman he'd set eyes on this side of the fucking apocalypse. It was a damn achievement worthy of being smug about!

Tommy grinned wickedly with a disbelieving shake of the head. One that was free of malice, one that was of a brotherly encouragement. "You fucker! How the fuck-"

Joel glanced carefully over his shoulder to ensure Maria was still not within ears reach before cutting his brother off, "Keep it quiet, yeah?"

Tommy gave him a wink, leaning forward and patting his knee, "As long as you're happy, big brother."

He was happy… for the the first time in many, many years, he found himself content with his life and where it was currently heading. He took a deep breath and nodded as he temporarily fell back against the couch before checking the time. "On that note, I should get out of your hair."

He stood from his seat to say his farewells and called out for the teen who was still upstairs with Maria.

——————————————————

As like most evenings in the past few weeks both Joel and Ellie were joined by Ava. She would come by with fresh ingredients and prepare a meal alongside Ellie. The teen was really starting to get to grips with this whole cooking malarkey and found herself actually enjoying the process. Ava had also tried to encourage Joel to help on a couple of occasions when Ellie wasn't around, to which he would make a half ass attempt for it to only lead to him fucking her against some item of furniture and the meal ending up subsequently burnt.

This evening they let Ellie take the reins on the cooking to allow her to test her newfound skill. She presented them plates of lamb, potatoes and a mixture of vegetables.

"Bon apple teeth or whatever the fuck the phrase is..." She announced as she placed the plates down on the table in front of them.

Ava burst out laughing whilst Joel also struggled to keep it together at her butchering of the well known French phrase, releasing a low chuckle that vibrated through his chest.

"Appetite." He corrected, his expression still creasing ever so slightly as Ellie grinned back at him.

"I sure hope this doesn't give me apple teeth," the blonde teased as she sunk her fork into a chunk of potato.

Ellie shrugged easily as she mulled the correction over in her mind.  "Yeah appetite does make more sense than apple teeth."

She joined them at the table and anticipated their reactions as they each took a bite. A sense of nervousness surrounding her at her first sole attempt of testing her newfound skill.

"Not bad kiddo." Joel commended, tucking in further.

Ava gave her a wink. "Pretty good Ells, you're a natural. Better than any of his shitty attempts." Throwing a thumb towards the man who sat beside her who offered his usual response of a middle a finger.

The teen gave a bow in her seat before digging into her own meal. They ate in silence for a couple of minutes before Ellie paused, looking between the two adults.

"So, you two seem to be getting pretty serious..."

Joel paused eating as he chanced an uncomfortable glance at the woman beside him, knowing damn well that there was about to be a follow up question to that statement.

The teen twisted her lips as she thought about her question, eyes focusing on the slab of meat she pushed around her plate whilst a mischievous smirk slowly broke across her cheeks. "So are you guys gonna get married and have kids and shit?"

Both adults choked at the question. Jesus, they'd only been seeing one another for a short while. They hadn’t even stuck a label on what they were to each other, although it had become increasingly clear that they were something to one another. Joel knew that there was going to be a follow up question but he wasn't quite expecting that. 

"No." He responded sternly. Perhaps a little too quickly and bluntly than he had intended on.

A small smile played on Ellie's face after seeing the couples reaction. She found a great deal of entertainment in winding up Joel but equally she was genuinely curious about their relationship. She liked Ava and wanted it to work out between them. She saw the woman almost like an older sister… Was that weird? That she saw her more as an older sibling whilst viewing Joel as a… Yeah that felt fucking weird- not something she would be saying out loud…

The blonde was quick to change the topic onto something else to prevent any further intrusive questions from being asked. "So I've bought a movie over..."

The teen shrugged with a yawn. "Actually, I'm gonna have an early night. I'm going to help out at the stables before school in the morning."

"What movie?" Joel asked, his question directed toward Ava.

"Armegeddon." 

Joel turned his attention to Ellie, a hopeful ring to his tone as his brows raised. "It's about space..."

She shrugged once more with another deep yawn. "Sorry guys, I'm gonna give it a miss tonight but leave it here so I can watch it another time." 

The three continued their meals with Ellie disappearing upstairs pretty quickly after, leaving the two adults to complete the task of cleaning up. It was all very domestic as they flitted around the kitchen, sharing the various tasks whilst falling into step. There was a natural flow to it though, something that felt right-as if it was supposed to be that way.

Joel collapsed onto the couch with Ava falling down next to him once she put on the movie. Gradually shifting closer and closer to him as the movie progressed until her knees rested over his thigh, her head in the crook of his arm and her own arm draped around his middle. He couldn't help but occasionally glance down at her throughout the duration of the film. Pretty brown eyes lost in the television screen, it's low artificial glow highlighting the softness of her features. A familiar yet satisfying warm ache settling within his chest... One that terrified him.

By the end of the movie, the pair were half asleep with the side of his face rested upon the top of her head, both with drooping lids and heavy limbs. As the end credits started to roll, Ava yawned with a burning stretch, the kind that tingled deliciously through the muscles afterwards. It was usually at this point when she would leave the Miller residency to return to her own but as she went to shift her weight, his hand moved to her thigh. Large yet gentle palm spread across her jean clad upper leg with a gentle squeeze, a simple touch that begged her not to leave.

His hand retracted, hovering hesitantly over the area he had mindlessly grappled at in his subconscious desires to hold her close and not have to let go. He cleared his throat before forcing the verbal version of his request to spill from his tongue, low tinged with sleep and gravelly.  "You, uh... could stay the night?"

Her lips tugged at the corners into a sleepy smile with soft eyes as sunk back down next to him, inching her face closer to his so that she could feel the warmth of his breath fanning across her upper lip. Their noses brushing lightly against one another's before she placed a feather light kiss against his lips. One so soft that it almost felt ghostly, he went in for another to ensure it was real- to ensure she was real and that the past few weeks hadn't just been some deluded dream he was caught in. Gentle warm lips against his own as he applied more pressure than the first, her contented hum that vibrated against him was all the confirmation he needed. She was no figment, all real and she was all his. There had been no labels discussed and attached to whatever this was between them but it was clear as day right? His girl...

"C'mon, let's go to bed." He smiled into her full lips that curved back tenderly.

————————————————————

"Joel!"  Frightened wails called out over and over again from the room just down the hall.

Ava stirred at the voice calling Joel's name. The deep sleep she had just awoken from preventing her from distinguishing who the cries belonged to for the first few seconds but she soon homed in  as the sound resonated within the shells of her ears, recognising the pained cries were coming from Ellie's room. A nightmare.

She looked over her shoulder at Joel who's breathing was steady and unfazed as he continued to sleep with his arm draped over her waist, the lines from his usual trepidation smoothed out into a peaceful expression. Her gaze tracing over each of his features. Did he know how handsome he was? 

"Joel!"  Ellie whimpered out again. Right, Ellie.

He still didn't stir with his good ear face down into the pillow- a mental note made for her to suggest sleeping on the other side next time around. Ava cautiously moved his arm from around her waist, being careful not to wake him in the process. After wriggling from his grip, she grabbed his flannel from the floor and wrapped it round her buttoning it up, it being big enough to cover her sufficiently. 

She quietly headed down the hall, almost tip toeing as she avoided each of the creaky floorboards and carefully opened the door to Ellie's room. 

"Ellie?" She soothed as she peered through the crack, not wanting to spook the child any further.

The girl had her back up against the wall of her bed with her knees pulled to her face hyperventilating, her face washed out and stained by her own tears.

An image not too dissimilar to the nights she often had when she had first found residency in the town. Her voice just a mere whisper as she slipped further into the room. "Oh, sweetie..."

Ava edged closer to the teen and gently perched herself onto the edge of the bed. The sight of the young girl tugging painfully on her heart as she reached a comforting palm out, placing it softly onto the teens knee, startling her.

"It's okay, it's me. It's just me," she soothed as she felt the teens tension sky rocket beneath her touch.

The teen looked at her wide eyed with fear in her tone. "Where's Joel?"

"He's fine, he's still sleeping...just fell asleep on his good ear."

The pair sat in a comfortable silence whilst Ellie focused on her breathing to calm down. With one final deep breath in and out she moved away from the wall and laid back down, staring at the ceiling to avoid eye contact with the woman beside her. Ava could tell the girl was absolutely mortified so she reached out and placed her hand reassuringly on her arm. Maybe now was the time to have that little chat that Joel had so desperately requested back in April...

"Joel has told me a little bit about your nightmares"

Ellie remained focused on the ceiling of her bedroom, her lips pulling into a tight line and voice small, "I don't wanna talk about-"

The blonde was quick to interrupt, wanting to get her point across. Wanting her to know that she was far from alone with what she was going through.  "The same thing happened to me..."

The teen turned her head and met Ava's sympathetic gaze, a small part of her wall already beginning to crumble. "It did?"

The older woman nodded solemnly, a sudden and intense wave of emotion washing over her as an array of deeply buried terrors unlocked within her mind. She fought hard not to let the tears spill over, she needed to be the strong one here. It wasn't fair that they were having this conversation, it wasn't fair that she was only fifteen and had to go through that...

She took in a deep breath as she prodded at the haunting question, the one that Joel was terrified of the answer, the one that made her stomach twist as the words dropped out, "Ellie, did they-"

Ellie cut her off before she could finish her question, the word didn't need to be spoken. "No...h-he tried but I didn't let him." she paused taking in a deep breath to recompose herself "He also wanted to kill me to feed to the others but... but... I killed him first... and that day plays over and over in my head. It won't go away... how do I make it go away?"

Salted tears trickled down the teens cheeks once more as she opened up for the first time since that day. The warm liquid also flowing over Ava's lash line as she pulled the teen into a tight embrace. "I'd love to tell you that it disappears but... it never truly will, it's apart of your story now but as time goes on, it does become easier to manage and you feel it less."

Little sniffles sounded against her chest, "How can I make it less?"

The blondes palm raised to cup the back of the girls head before her fingers delicately carded through her hair, "This will be a start... just by talking about it. You've got Joel and me who would happily listen..."

"I can't tell Joel. I don't want him to look at me different." She blurted out, almost in a state of panic.

Ava tightened her arms around the teen, sharing as much warmth as she could in the delicate moment, "He won't. He just wants to make sure that you're okay but I understand... You can talk to me though, okay? We'll get you through it, I promise..."

She could feel the gentle nod shifting against her chest. The two girls held onto on another tightly for the minutes to come, soothing each others mutual trauma with comfort and warmth. She didn't need to be alone anymore... They didn't need to be alone...

The blonde carefully pulled away, her palms cupping the girls face with thumbs wiping the tears from Ellie's cheeks. She cleared her throat and sniffled, "There's a song that my Mom used to sing to me to get me to sleep, would you like to hear it?"

The teen nodded with a timid smile as she settled back down onto her pillow, pulling the duvet up to her chin.

Ava gave her a soft smile as she started, her voice melodious as the sorrow dissipated once more, "I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'll never let you go,

When all those shadows almost killed your light,

I remember you said don't leave me here alone, But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight,

Just close your eyes, the sun is going down,

You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now,

Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound…"

Ellie gazed up at her, her eyes already starting to feel heavy once again as her mind lost itself to the song begging sung, sleep gently pulling her back into its solace.

——————————————————

Joel stirred noticing the empty space in his bed beside him that was once filled, the warmth of her body against his now gone. His brows knitted together as he slowly came round from his sleep. Gradually his hearing tuning in to the voices coming from down the hall.

Curiosity got the best of him as he pulled a t-shirt over his head and threw on a pair of sweat pants. He kept quiet, trying to listen in on what was being discussed as he slowly padded closer to Ellie's room. Upon approaching it was a sudden realisation that hit, it wasn't talking but singing.

"Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything's on fire,

The war outside our door keeps raging on,

Hold onto this lullaby even when the music's gone, gone..."

Ellie's door was jarred open just enough for him to peer around. He watched on as Ava continued her sweet lullaby. Her voice angelic and soft as she sang. His eyes scanned over her form, lingering over the familiar flannel that covered her, unable to explain why the simple action of her dressing in his clothes left him with a warm tingling within his chest. Captivated by her soulful voice and the tenderness in her demeanour as she gazed down at the teen. He couldn’t help but admire as this woman who he let into his life on a whim took one of the most important humans in his life completely under her wing.

"Just close your eyes, the sun is going down

You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now

Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound…"  Ava trailed off once she realised the girl was once again sound asleep.

Her delicate hands coming down to straighten the duvet over the girl, ensuring she was tucked in before grazing her fingers gently across her forehead, brushing a stray hair from her skin and placing it behind her ear. The blonde gave the sleeping Ellie a small empathetic nod before making her way back to the door.

She noticed Joel lingering behind the door frame and offered him a reassuring smile before reaching up, planting a soft affection kiss upon his cheek, "She's okay, it was just a nightmare."

Ava grazed her finger tips against his and took a light grip of his hand, giving a small tug "Come back to bed."

He looked down at her gentle fingers that were currently intertwined with his own before then meeting her loving gaze. He returned her soft smile before mindlessly following her back to the bedroom, not even sure he still had a conscious power over his body.

The blonde settled down beside him, her body flush against his as he wrapped his arm back around her waist, pulling her close and leaving a gentle kiss on the nape of her neck as he felt her snuggle up to him.

That warm ache swelling once again inside the cavity of his chest. His own heart telling him that this, that she wasn’t just going to be another quick fling for him. As much as he fought it, as much as he didn't want to admit it- even to himself, he was falling for her and he was falling quickly.

Chapter Text

Just stirring, Ava reached an arm out beside her only to grab a handful of the soft cotton bedsheets. She snuggled into the duvet more as she forced her eyes to flutter open. He wasn't next to her. Her brows knitted together and then softened once she could hear movement coming from downstairs. 

She took another minute to properly come round before sitting up and swinging her legs around to the side of the bed. Her eyes still a little heavy as she remembered that she was still dressed in his shirt. His scent all over her. The thought made her smile a little as she stood up with a stretch to join him downstairs. She liked being his- a sense of belonging.

The floor boards creaked beneath her feet as she stepped down from the bottom step, pulling his attention towards her.

"Mornin'." He spoke as he stirred a mug of hot coffee.

She swanned over to him, placing her hands onto his chest as she brushed her lips against his, so lightly that it barely contributed as a kiss. "Good morning."

He pulled back with a small tug to his lip, looking her up and down. Green plaid drowning her small frame, the hem falling just below the top of her thighs allowing him to admire the shape of her bare legs. His shirt; not that he minded- at all. His woman dressed in his clothes... that warm fuzzy swell reappearing within his chest. "Nice shirt, suits you."

She felt herself blush slightly at his observation, the spread of her cheeks heating up as she stumbled her words. Of course he noticed... how couldn't he? "I- Uh...Sorry, it was the first thing I grabbed from the floor last night..."

She felt the large palm that had a light grip on her waist fall as Joel let out a deep sigh and moved to lean back against the counter, his attention dropping to the tiled floor as his brows furrowed. "I, uhh... I'm sorry 'bout that. You shouldn't have had to..." he trailed off.

Ava shuffled next to him, her words spoken softly as she tilted her head to rest her chin against his shoulder. "It's okay. I managed to speak with her a little bit about...well, Y'know...what you asked me too..."

His focus shifted from the ground as he turned to face her, jaw ticking ever so slightly whilst anxiously anticipating what she was about to tell him.

She took in a sharp breath. It was still a tough topic for her to discuss, even if this one wasn't her own story, "they tried to...she said but they didn't."

Joel nodded with a breath of relief escaping him, his hand raising only to drag down his face. It was the one time he couldn't be there for the kid, the guilt of it eating him alive as he had grown to assume the worst case scenario. Whilst he knew the ordeal was still traumatic for the young girl, the fact that those bastards didn't succeed lifted a weight from his shoulders. 

His lips pressing a soft kiss against her temple as he breathed his gratitude. An arm snaking around her waist to hold her against him for a moment. "Thank you."

He shifted as his mind drifted back to reason why he got up so early in the first place, a sigh drawing from within his lungs as he pried himself away from her. "I've got to head out on patrol shortly."

Ava reached out, sneaking a slice of toast from the plate set behind him, earning her an arched eyebrow. "It's not your usual day for patrol?"

Joel let out yet another sigh as he pondered over the reason to give her. "Uh...yeah, I just picked up extra this week." 

It wasn't a total lie. He did pick up extra... it just wasn't necessarily out of the goodness of his heart. He needed to speak with Tommy without the risk of anyone overhearing and the only way of doing that would be outside of the community.

"Feel free to use the shower before you head out."

Ava smirked as she traced a finger down his arm, her sultry voice taunting as darkened eyes searched his, "and there I was thinking that you would want to shower with me..."

Her touch and seductive tone sending the blood rushing to his pants. Oh god how he would much rather be doing that. Damn tease. A frustrated groan rumbling from the back of his throat as his hands found their way back to her waist, pressing his lips onto hers, getting one last taste of her before he headed out. He pulled away, his voice low, "you could always drop by again later?"

She gave him a small wink. "I'll have to check my diary."

————————————————————

Ava ran her fingers through her dampened locks as she collected her belongings and made her way to the front door. She picked up her linen bag before noticing a filled water flask left next to it. He must have forgotten to grab it when hurrying out of the door just that bit earlier on in the morning. The early sun was already bright and radiating a temperate heat. It was going to be another warm day. He’d struggle the duration of the patrol without being able to hydrate, bordering on being unsafe no matter what route he’d been assigned. She grabbed it, stuffing it into her bag before leaving the property. She was going to have to make a quick detour before heading to the shop.

She locked the door behind her and left the key under the mat before making her way over to the stable block, hoping she'd catch him in time before he left.

As she rounded the corner she could see him lead his usual chestnut mare out onto the yard. Calling out to him as she picked her pace up to a jog in order to reach him, not paying any mind to the trio of stable hands ogling her every move as she approached. "Joel!" 

He looked up at her as she approached his light and slightly perplexed expression soon contorting into a scowl as he glanced over her shoulder. He couldn't help but notice three boys leant up against the barn pillars, eyeing the blonde up as she neared. The lads were no older than twenty, still practically kids. Surely he wasn't feeling jealous? He knew they weren't any real threat but for some unexplained reason he had the sudden urge to prove a point, to make the little shits aware of just who she belonged to. That she was his girl.

Ava hesitated before chancing a glance over her shoulder to see what he was glaring at and was quick to spot the three boys staring, specifically at her behind. She flashed them a disgusted look alongside a disapproving head shake to which the three definitely picked up on as they awkwardly looked away, whispering amongst each other. 

She turned her attention back to Joel with a subtle smirk on her lips, holding out the flask. "You forgot your water…"

With his mind still very much tracked on proving his point and his possessiveness beginning to show, he leant forward with his palms landing on either side of her hips as he captured her soft, familiar lips with his own. A gentle kiss lingering just long enough to ensure that it was seen by the little fuckers…

Her breath hitched at his sudden action as he pulled away. Her eyes widened as she met his focus, a small tug pulling at his mouth. It was an unexpected move, not one she had been anticipating from him. In fact, she was half expecting him to curse her blind for calling his name out in public. Still very much under the impression that he was wanting to keep their relationship quiet yet here he was showing her intimate affection publicly in the middle of the yard.

He gave her waist a light squeeze as he took the flask from her grip, a subtle wink flashed at her before glancing back up in the direction of the stable hands to find that all three had cleared from the area. Good. "Thank you, darlin'."

Did he just call her darling? Oh, she could get used to that. With that, a wolf whistle sounded from the doorway of the barn. Tommy stood with his horse, a smug toothy grin plastered across his face whilst Maria stood to his side, an almost blank expression on her face. If anything she looked slightly annoyed... why on earth would she be pissed? 

She looked back to Joel who kept his own smirk painted across his lips as he backed up towards his steed, "I'll see you later."

She gave him warm smile and a nod, her face heating up to leave a pink flush across the apples of her cheeks. What the fuck? Did he just make whatever this is…official?

————————————————————————

The brothers rode out to the lake. It was another clear quiet day. A slight breeze brushing through the Rich green leaves of the trees and rippled across the surface of the clear water. The scent of early summer wafting from the acreage of grassy plains that surrounded them.

Tommy inhaled a deep breath, the freshness of the light air rejuvenating his lungs. "Smells a lot better than Texas, huh?"

Joel let out a stifled laugh, Tommy was right. His house was situated nearby an active abattoir so the hot Texan summers often smelt like absolute shit as days worth of blood fermented beneath the heat of the south.

The younger brother looked at him, motioning his head towards the large mound they were approaching"Let's take ten. Let the horses have a drink. The look out’s just over the hill."

———————————————————————

Joel perched on the edge of one of chairs. His hands resting restlessly in his lap whilst his head hung low between his shoulder. He had to get this off his chest. A burden carried alone since he arrived, one that was gradually eating away at him. Did he regret his choice? Never. Could he continue to get by without telling a soul? Again, no… and who else could he confide in if it wasn’t his own flesh and blood?

Tommy pulled round another chair, sitting down onto it, his brows raised whilst pressing a concerned look to his brother. There weren’t many that could read his brother like an open book, but he sure could. Shit, at this point he might just be the only person alive who could. "What's up?"

The older brother swallowed thickly, his voice barely above a whisper as his confession began to flow. "I don't know what happened"

Tommy's brow furrowed. "What are you goin' on about?"

Joel took in a sharp breath before continuing, the weight of his words tumbling from his tongue as he spilled his admission in full. "I was supposed to take her to the Fireflies and walk away. You go halfway across the country with someone... She needed her immunity to mean somethin'. Maybe I was starting to buy into that whole... cure business. Maybe I just wanted to do right by her. And then we made it. We found the Fireflies. And because of her... They were actually going to make a cure. The only catch... it would kill her…"

The younger brothers face dropped upon realising what he was referring to. Ellie. He knew his brother and knew damn well what he was capable of given the chance and since the girl was currently still alive in Jackson, it would suggest a chance was taken. "Jesus Christ, Joel. What'd you do?"

Still avoiding eye contact, Joel picked at the sleeve of his shirt. "I saved her…"

Tommy dragged a heavy palm over his face. The lack of eye contact said enough. ‘Save her’, yeah he knew what that fucking meant… "Goddamn. That's... That's a lot. What does Ellie know?"

Joel finally looked up, even if it was only for a few brief seconds. "I told her they just ran some tests. I told her... her immunity meant nothin'."

Tommy shook his head and let out a deep sigh before standing up and heading towards the exit of the cabin. "We should get back…"

The ride back was quiet. The two brothers barely said two words to each other. After all, what was there to say after all of that? It was a lot. Joel had to admit though, another weight had been lifted just by telling his brother. Tommy was the only living person he had left that he fully trusted.

They arrived back to Jackson just as dusk began to cascade across the land, swiftly dismounting from their retrospective horses once they had passed through the gates.

Tommy grabbed the reins from Joel, "It's okay, I got 'em. You go on."

Joel paused for a moment "You sure?"

The brother nodded, a subtle mockery to his tone as a barely noticeable smirk passed his expression. "Yeah. You've probably got Ava waitin' for you."

He let out a small amused snort before nodding his thanks towards his younger sibling. He went to walk away but Tommys arm reached across him, blocking him, "About what we were talkin' about earlier... I can't say I'd've done different…I'll take it to the grave, if I have to."

——————————————————

Tommy reached for the handle of his front door. It was unlocked as he pushed it open. Maria was still recovering from giving birth and had been taking things slowly. She started picking up some small tasks again such as feeding the animals and a bit of work in the kitchen but mainly she remained at home caring for little Charley.

Usually he would call out, press a soft kiss to her temple and take the baby off her hands for a moment but right now, he just needed a couple of minutes. A couple of moments to absorb and mull over his brothers rash actions. He slumped down into the couch, his arm propped up on the arm of the seat holding his head. He was still processing what Joel had just told him. For a brief moment he worried that his brother hadn't changed at all but the thought passed quickly. He knew how much he cared for that kid and how much he wanted to protect her. That was evident from his initial visit. Tommy tried to put himself in Joel's shoes. What if he had ended up taking her? Would he have been able to leave her there, knowing she was going to die? No... he wouldn't have. He would have done the exact. Same. Thing.

Maria appeared from the hallway, she lingered in the archway gently rocking their small infant.

Tommy looked up and offered a small exhausted smile. "Hey baby…"

She raised an eyebrow at him "Everything okay?"

He took in a deep breath. He couldn't tell her, he couldn't betray his brothers trust, "Yeah. Just a little tired s’all."

Maria moved fully into the living area and perched down next to her husband, passing him little Charley who he gladly took from her.

She paused for a couple of seconds whilst she tried to find the right words, "I've got some concerns..." 

Tommy glanced over to her as he positioned the baby against his chest, gently smoothing a palm over his back. "What about?"

A sigh escaped her lips. She barely got the first word of her sentence out before her husband interrupted. "Joel-"

"Why, what's he done now?" His head rolled back against the couch. He knew his wife wasn't fond of his brother- it was his own fault. He told Maria too much thinking that he wouldn't see Joel again but considering what he had been made privy to earlier on that day, he thought he should at least hear her out.

"Ava. Ava is what he's done… or should I say doing." Her eyes bore into him waiting for a reaction, a reaction that never really came. That alone being enough to confirm that he was already aware of the situation, "and from that, I'm guessing you already knew?"

He sighed. "Maria..."

She shook her head, a disbelieving snort breathed through her nose. "No, Tommy. You know this isn't going to end well…" 

"You don't know that." He argued as he sat himself up more upright.

"So you really think Joel's been totally open about his past? And even if he had, do you really think Ava would have stuck around, after what was done to her?" 

Tommy let out a sigh. Of course Joel wouldn't have told the woman about the shit he did, why would he do that? "They're both adults."

Maria swallowed thickly, "I don't want to see my friend get hurt. Tommy, you didn't see the state she was in when we found her…what men like him had done to her!"

He pinched the bridge of his nose, “He ain’t ever been like that! His hands ain’t clean but shit, he’d never touch a woman like that.”

“No but he still ran with men who were like that and turned a blind eye to the shit they did! He still murdered innocent people…” She counteracted.

“People change. He’s changed. I can see it… all of that shit was a long time ago…”

She didn't want her friend to get hurt and he didn't want to hurt his brother and set him back. He seemed happy... they both did. Maybe the past didn't need to come up "Maria, please don't."

She looked up at him blankly and let out a sigh. Could she really just sit back and allow her friend to be with someone that she would hate if she only knew the truth?

Chapter Text

Ava sat back on the couch rocking the small child in her arms as she cooed, the tiny warm bundle blinking back up at her. Even at this early age, it was easy to pick out what parts of the little boy were Maria and what physical traits were all Tommy. "Oh, isn't he just beautiful?" 

Maria responded with a warm smile, eyes melting at the sight of the youngster. "I'm a lucky mama."

If only she knew just how lucky she was, to have a family of her own. A hard lump forming in the back of her throat the longer she held the infant in her arms. The longer she gazed into those dark brown innocent eyes, ones with an entire lifetime ahead, the more she realised it was something that she wouldn't get to experience herself. Her genuine smile slacking into something vacant, face slowly dropping as her eyes stayed fixed on little Charley. She would never get to experience motherhood. Never get to have a family of her own.

She snapped out of her thoughts promptly, forcing herself to return Maria's warm smile and passing the baby back to its mother. What was she even concerned about? It's not like she wanted to bring a child into this cruel and unrelenting world... right? It was just hormones making her feel this way, surely. That time of the month, probably… not that those happened all that often for her…

Maria watched closely at the way her friend interacted with her small son, how the warmth and cheerfulness faded into something akin to despondency as her mind began to visibly tick. The new mother quickly opting to direct a new topic of conversation to bring the blonde back to her, "How have you been? I've not seen you around much recently?"

Ava couldn't help as a small smile crept onto her face, a flush of colour returning to her cheeks. If she was being honest, she was doing great. For a long time all she had ever craved was to feel beautiful, respected and mostly to be wanted by someone and after years of looking for those things in all the wrong ways, it would seem that she finally lucked out. All of those check boxes being ticked off all at once by a certain someone. "Yeah, I'm doing really good. It’s nice to have someone, Y’know?"

Ah, there it was again..Maria's face dropping ever so slightly. Her expression morphing into concern with her jaw slightly clenched, a deep exhalation of air escaping her lungs as she proceeded to tread carefully, "I must admit, I didn't think Joel Miller would be your type…"

Ava shrugged, the smile still very much present on her face as she chose to ignore her friends cautious stare, "It just sort of happened but I really like him...He respects me and treats me right, it’s a nice change…"

“Does he?” The mother quizzed, an eyebrow arched with a subtle tone of disbelief present in her tone as her arms carefully began to bob the child in her arms. 

Ava had at least expected some sort of acceptance from her friend but there was nothing of the sort. She understood that Maria was likely just being protective but she hadn’t ever reacted quite like this in the past… and this was her own brother in law? She nodded slowly in response, “He does… yeah…”

She watched as Maria shifted awkwardly in her seat another sigh forcing through her nostrils before giving the blonde a pointed look, "How much do you know about him?"

The blonde paused, taking note of the concern in her voice. As far as she was aware she knew most things. She knew he was from Texas, knew he had a daughter prior to outbreak, knew he travelled here from the Boston QZ and of course she knew about the smuggling and Ellie... maybe it was that, that concerned Maria. It had to be, right? 

She sighed and rolled her eyes, a small snort huffed through her lips, "I know he used to be a smuggler back in the QZ and I also know the story behind Ellie, if that's what you're getting at?"

Maria raised her brows further, her tone almost condescending. "You do know that would have been classed as human trafficking back in the day, right? Highly illegal."

Ava couldn't help but scoff. She knew her friend was just looking out for her but as far as she was concerned, it was not needed nor coveted. "Oh Maria, come on. There are people far, far worse out there."

Maria bit her tongue. Oh, how she just wanted to blurt it all out. How she was sleeping with someone who was once a hunter, a raider, who murdered hundreds and only god knows what else but she couldn't do it. She thought back to Tommys face, pleading her not to say anything and how upset he would be with her if she did, "I just want you to be careful, that's all…"

The blonde thought about her friends words. She was being careful, right? They had been taking things slowly and had taken the time to get to know each other first. She hadn't just jumped into bed with the man from the get go- she wasn't that irresponsible… anymore, "I know... I am being careful."

Maria nodded and forced a small smile onto her lips before changing the subject once more to something less controversial.  

They continued to chitchat for another couple of hours about anything and everything, putting the previous topic of Joel’s shady past to the back of their minds. Ava swallowed back the last sip of her now luke warm coffee before glancing up at the analog clock that hung on the wall above the mantelpiece, watching as the long hand flicked to the six and the shorter one remain pointing at the eight. "I have to get over to Ellie, I've been pinned down for a movie night whilst Joel's out on patrol."

She stood and embraced Maria, "It was good to catch up," before then looking down once more to Charley, booping her finger lightly onto his nose. The dull ache in her heart from earlier now no longer present, "and it was good to finally meet you properly, keep being good for your mama little one!"

—————————————————————————

She pushed open the front door just as Joel was heading out. She had barely seen him over the past couple of days due to conflicting shifts and was very much looking forward to him coming back so they could at least spend a couple of hours with each other whilst Ellie was asleep. 

She watched as he grabbed his bag, flinging it over his shoulder, "I'll be back at around the usual time."

Ava flashed him a quick smile to which he quickly took a hold of each side of her face, pressing a quick kiss to her lips before moving past her and leaving the home in a hurry. A disgusted groan sounding from within the living room as Ellie slumped back into the couch upon witnessing the small fleeting act of affection.

"You two make me wanna throw up." 

The blonde snorted a small laugh and rolled her eyes as she shut the door behind her, "Shut up. You'll find someone one day and you'll be exactly the same."

Ellie squirmed in her seat and scrunched her face at the thought, "Not a fucking chance…"

Ava couldn't help but chuckle as she joined the kids side on the couch. She looked at the girl and narrowed her eyes menacingly, "soo... tell me. Is there anyone you like?" 

The teen squirmed a little more, a red hue flushing at her cheeks as she faltered awkwardly at the simple question. It was unlike her not to give a confident answer but she wasn't completely sure of her answer herself. Emotions stirring that she had always assumed were reserved just for Riley but now awakening for someone else…

"Uh, no..." It was a lie and not a very convincing one at that. There was someone that she had her eye on but she didn't understand the emotions that came with it. Was it attraction? Was it feelings? Maybe this is how having friends was supposed to feel? She definitely was not ready to share it out loud. It was obvious with how Ava could see straight through her lie, a subtle smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. For fuck sake. Ellie sniffed with a twitch of the nose whilst dragging her eyes over to Ava’s bag, desperately searching for a diversion to avoid any further prying.

"That's enough girl talk. What movie are we watching?"

The smug smile only grew across the blondes cheeks before she forced it away, ultimately respecting the kids decision to not open up. She reached inside her bag and pulled out a vhs tape, the stifled smirk transforming into a knowing grin. "Independence day."

Ellie took the tape from her and inspected it, a brow raised quizzically. "What's it about?"

"Aliens."

The teens face lit up with an enthusiastic beam as she nodded. "Fucking cool!"

The pair put the movie on and mostly watched in silence. That was the beauty of these action packed, high suspense movies; they had Ellie glued to the screen from start to finish.

As soon as the end credits started rolling, Ellie was quick to start talking once more. She loved the idea of space and the possibility of extraterrestrial life fascinated her, "Man, that was intense! Imagine if aliens did invade Earth..." 

Ava looked at her widening her eyes at the outrageous notion, "No thanks! We have enough to deal with, with the infected."

The teen twisted her lips as her imagination got the best of her. Vivid images sprouting in her mind of alien figures roaming the streets of Jackson after dark. "Eh, that's true... but what if the aliens wiped out the infected and actually saved us!"

Another small chuckle left the blondes mouth, a bemused smile flashed at the girl. "Now that would make a pretty cool movie."

There was a moment of silence as Ellie continued to get lost in her imagination. Ava couldn't help but watch her. She loved the way the kid thought. After all that she had been through, she still had a small amount of child like innocence that she clung onto. She often wondered what else they came across on their journey from Boston to Jackson. It was such a large distance they covered, there must have been some good stories to come out of it to make up for all the shit ones. 

Ava let her curiosity get the better of her as she adjusted her position on the couch so that she was sat cross legged facing the teen, "So tell me, you travelled all the way from Boston with Joel? You must have a few good action packed stories of your own?"

The teen shrugged hesitantly, sinking back into the cushions behind her, "I'm sure Joel filled you in on most of it."

The blonde gave her a playful nudge, an encouraging grin forming across her expression. "Actually, he's not gone into much detail. C'mon, you must have at least one good story to tell?"

Ellie gave a small smile. She hadn't actually told anyone much about her journey. Joel had been pretty clear from the get go on not divulging the details of their story to anyone other than Tommy but this was Ava she was speaking to. She already knew more than most and she was right, it wasn't all bad. There were some good things that came out of it- even if other parts of the journey had etched permanent reoccurring nightmares into her head. She began her story from the start.

Ava listened in intently as Ellie ran her through the events in great detail, perhaps more detail than she had expected. She told her about the Mall, a little about Riley, about being held hostage by the Fireflies and how she met Joel- of course being careful to dance around the subject of Tess. A topic that was still apparently out of bounds for even her to discuss with the man she now lived with.

"And then we got to Kansas city and it was fucking weird. Like, there was no FEDRA... at all! But anyway, there was a blockage in the road and Joel didn't want to go around it so we went through the city. That was a fucking mistake, let me tell you! As soon as we started driving through some guy literally ran in front the car yelling for help. Joel was all like he ain’t even hurt and I was like whaaat? How'd you know? And he was like 'cause I've been on both ends. Then this other guy dropped a fucking brick on the car and started shooting-"

Ava cut her off as she took in what the teen was telling her. This guy sounded very much like a hunter with how he tried to lure them in- it was one of their many tactics... but what they hell did Ellie mean when she said Joel had been on both ends? Her eyes narrowed, needing to have an answer, "Sorry, just to back track... what do you mean by Joel having been on both ends?"

Ellie shrugged nonchalantly. "I dunno when but I'm guessing it was before he got to Boston…"

Ava tried to take a deep breath but she could already feel her heart slowly sinking into her stomach. She snapped. She didn't mean to, it wasn't Ellie's fault but she needed a straight answer, hoping that it was just a misunderstanding on her part, "but what did he do?!"

The teen jumped back at her tone. She'd never seen the woman snap before. She always seemed so patient and good natured... Shit. She didn't fucking know. Joel was fairly open about that part of his past with her, or well, it was open for Joel anyway. She assumed that he was with everyone... apparently not. She didn't give an answer as she stared wide eyed, she'd already said to much. She began to panic, trying to think of some bullshit to cover it up with but she wasn't thinking fast enough.

"Ellie. Please don't lie to me." Ava spoke again, her tone was still stern but not as brash as previous.

Ellie swallowed thickly. She wasn't getting out of this, cornered into the cushions of the couch. She could already tell that the truth was going to go down about as well as a lead balloon. God, Joel was going to kill her. She looked towards her hands and fiddled with the hems of her hunter green sleeves, a deep breath sucked in before quietly recalling the conversation she had once had with him, "He said that he killed people. I.. uh... I asked if they were innocent and he didn't answer..."

Ava's breath hitched as her stomach turned, a sickening pain as if her intestines had been bundled together and rung out. Fuck... FUCK! She felt nauseous as the harsh realisation hit her. He was one of them. She had allowed one of those monsters back into her life without even realising it. How long would it have been before he told her? Would he have told her? Was he planning on hurting her once he had her comfortable? Had he hurt Ellie?!

She needed space, time to think on her own. Her voice started to crack as she spoke. "Ellie, please go upstairs."

The teen stood up from her seat, guilt riddling her expression, "Ava, please-"

Ava cut her off, not allowing her to finish. Her voice more desperate this time "Ellie. Don't. Just go. Please." 

She watched as Ellie nodded, her head dropping between her shoulders to gaze towards the floor. She paused for a couple of seconds before then hastily making her way out of the room and retreating upstairs.

Now alone, her head fell into her hands. Flash backs from her time with the hunters haunted her mind. The way they touched, tortured and abused her before attempting to then kill her. Her breathing quickened and her chest felt tight as acidic tears streamed uncontrollably down her face, deluging her cheeks. They were memories she had worked so hard to push down, now all bubbling ferociously to the surface once again. She took a number of deep breaths to recompose herself as best as she could. Her sole focus then fully on the thought of Joel. She trusted him. Fuck, she let him touch her. She had even began to consider that maybe, just maybe he was her person. How fucking stupid could she be? After all she had been through was she still really that naive to really think that anyone would want her as anything more than a broken fuck toy? One to be discarded or sold on once deemed as being too damaged to enjoy…

How could he sit there and listen to her tell him what happened to her, what those men had done to her whilst knowing that he was once one of them?! How could he not say something? How could he sit back and let her start falling for him? 

Her heart was slowly breaking, cracking into fragments within her chest but the heartbreak quickly contorted into a vermillion haze of anger. She glanced towards the front door, he’d be back at any moment. She wasn't even sure on what to say, or even if she was going to say anything at all. Was there any point in fighting him on it? Or should she just save herself the pain and walk out without a word breathed?

—————————————————————————

The patrol along the dam had been uneventful. No infected, no sign of any raiders, it was just quiet. Joel arrived back at the expected time along with the other two men he was sharing that particular patrol route with. There was nothing to report back so it was as simple as untacking the horses and heading back home.

He checked his watch as he left the barn. Five past eleven. Not too bad. He'd at least get to see Ava for an hour or two. Perhaps he could persuade her to stay the night again?

He made his way back home, quietly opening the front door and closing it soundlessly behind him. He moved into the living room before pausing. An unspoken tension lingering thickly in the silent air. Something seemed off. Ava remained focused on the screen of the television, despite it being turned off and Ellie was nowhere to be seen. The fact that neither of them had come to greet him as they usually did, unnerved him even more so.

He frowned as he edged slightly closer "Ave, darlin’? You good?"

She slowly turned to face him. The colour in her cheeks void of their usual warm tone and the skin around her eyes puffy and reddened where the hot tears once ran. She looked…sick?

He went to open his mouth to question what the hell had happened but she cut in before he had chance.

Her voice was initially small and pained as she asked, "Is it true?"

What on earth was she going on about? His brows furrowed further and his jaw tensed in anticipation. "Is what true?"

The fact that she could see his body language tense only pissed her off more. Was there more that he wasn’t telling her? Her voice raising slightly louder and clearer. "That you were once a hunter?"

He froze. Shit. He really hoped this that part of his past would just… well, stay in the past. For years he told himself that he was just doing what he needed to do to survive but no, Tommy was right. There were other ways... he just didn't have the patience or trust. At the time he made a rule of not paying attention to the faces of the people he murdered so he couldn't see them when he closed his eyes. Still, his actions haunted him. 

He swallowed thickly, his tone low. A futile attempt to defend his regrettable actions. A threadbare hope that she’d roll over and understand. "Ava, I did what I had to do to survive. I never-"

Once again she interrupted. She didn't care for what shitty excuse he had for his past merciless deeds or anything else that he had to say. The lividity erupting from within her as the last of her dwindled patience dissipated. Her infuriated shouts vibrating through the structure of the walls, "Fucking bullshit! You don't have to murder innocent people to fucking survive! I never did!" 

She paused to take a breath. Her chest heaving heavily, hands trembling by her sides and the tears once again spilling down and over her face. Her anguished glare burning into him as her lip quivered. "I fucking trusted you. I told you… and you just…"

Joel tensed further, that hardened mask he’d crafted and perfected over the many years fitting perfectly over his expression to hide any ounce of emotion other than disdain. His mind jumping straight to the defence without so much of a second thought to her. She didn’t know him. She didn’t know the shit he had to go through. Who gives her the damn right to judge him? How dare she come into his home and yell at him as if he owed her anything? He could feel his own misdirected anger reaching its boiling point and soon came to regret the words spoken and mocking tone used, "What the fuck did you expect me to say? Hi, my names Joel and I killed people?"

The way he looked down on her, the patronising tone as if she was beneath him. Fuck, he really was one of them… There was a second of silence before Ava's face hardened to stone, her breathing heavy as she spat through gritted teeth. "Fuck you."

That one singular second of silence as her watery eyes searched his was all it took for that mask of his to once again crack. His stony facade falling, falling perfectly to fit her. His own image staring right back at him as she spat. Nice one Joel, you well and truly fucked it. He pinched the bridge of his nose and took in a deep breath. What the fuck was he supposed to say now? He needed to calm this, he needed her to understand…but he wasn't sure what he wanted her to understand. He was a shitty person who had done shitty things, there was no getting away from that. "Ave..."

She shook her head and scoffed, the venomous eye contact finally being broken as she quickly grabbed her belongings and head towards the door. She had enough, she needed to get as far away from him as possible. Her voice hissing as she shoved past his broad frame. "Save it. Just stay the fuck away from me."

Chapter Text

Joel slammed his fist into the wall as the door swung heavily shut behind her. Guilt, regret and shame all bubbling up and boiling over the surface as he yelled out in frustration over what had just happened. "Fuck!"

His knuckles ached from the impact, the skin already mottling to a shade of red. He sighed as he shook his hand off. Regretting that he'd momentarily let his loose temper get the best of him. He was fuming. Mostly at himself. Was this going to be his life going forward? Alone because of his past mistakes? He wasn't sure why he thought for a second that he deserved any different. Perhaps Tess was the only person for him, they were like minded, she understood him and she was there throughout all of that bad shit. He hadn’t ever needed to explain himself to her, she just accepted and understood. Oh fuck, the guilt was creeping back in.

The overpowering need to sit down for a second and process. He moved into the kitchen and sunk into one of the hard dining table chairs. He just sat with his face in his palms and elbows resting upon the Oakwood surface, his fight with Ava replaying over and over in his mind. 'Stay the fuck away from me' being her last words breathed to him before walking away. She walked away so easily… God the look in her eye as she said it, void of their usual warmth, a new variant of fire burning within them. He could swear it was pure hatred. Another relationship he'd managed to screw up. 

He took in a sharp breath, suddenly snapping himself out of this self pitying spiral he was getting himself into. Ellie. He hadn't heard so much as a peep from her since he walked back through the front door. Where was she? It wasn’t like her to stay out of his business…

The chair scraped back as he stood. He padded his way into the hallway and then up the stairs. Silence. He could see the yellow glow of the bedroom light filtering out from Ellie's room. He reached for the door knob and gently twisted it, pushing the door open. He stood in the door way scanning over her discomfited form. The young girl hunched up with her knees under her chin in the window ledge, staring outwards at the distant horizon.

She heard the door creak open and cautiously turned to face him, a heavy nauseated sensation swirling within her stomach. Her eyes slightly reddened and puffy, her face appearing panicked as she sniffled, "Joel, I'm so sorry. I-I'm just so fucking sorry…"

She expected him to be mad- furious even. She expected him to act just how he did on the night they spent in Jackson in the previous year when she over stepped the line regarding Sarah. She was taken back when instead he wandered over to the bed and slumped down soberly, patting his hand on the mattress for her to come over. She warily slid down from the ledge and edged closer, "I didn't mean to..." she trailed off.

He let out another deep sigh as he rubbed his palm across his forehead. That answered his question, it was Ellie. He had assumed it was Maria that mentioned it, knowing that Ava had visited earlier that day. He wasn't angry though, not at her at least, he couldn’t be. It wouldn’t have been intentional. He knew Ellie wouldn't have done it out of spite. "It ain't... it ain't your fault."

It was almost as if she didn't hear him as the teen continued to ramble on, letting her confession spill out uncontrollably, wanting him to understand that it was nothing more than a mere slip of the tongue. That she didn’t mean it… "It just slipped out and I thought she..."

"Ellie, it ain't your fault." He interrupted, a little more stern this time.

Ellie glanced up at him, guilt still plagued her nervous expression and so he continued, "She was gonna find out sooner or later. Better it was now rather than...well, further down the line… Should have told her myself…"

He broke eye contact as he spoke, focusing down towards his hands. God, he thought there was perhaps a future there, with her, in Jackson. A stupid fucking notion… Thinking his ‘fresh start’ would expand to having a woman to call his own…

The teen shuffled a little closer to him, her voice barely above a whisper, "but you really liked her?"

He took in another sharp breath. He did really like her. Fuck, he allowed his walls to come down and he started falling for her. Something he regretted now. Why did he allow himself to get emotionally involved? It was that damned pretty smile, those beautiful brown eyes, her laugh and- fuck! He needed to stop.

He fiddled with his thumbs and mumbled a response, "I've done a lot of shitty things in my time. People like me don't end up with people like her…"

Ellie rested her head against his shoulder, "I didn't know you back then and you are an asshole sometimes but from what I've seen, you're not a shitty person…"

Joel looked down at the kid that was trying her hardest to now comfort him. He didn't believe her, he was a bad person who had done terrible things. He didn't deserve her either if he was being honest with himself. If she only knew what he had really done at that goddamn hospital, he really would be alone. Maybe he was destined to be alone? It sure felt like it… No. She could never find out, he needed this kid more than she could ever imagine. His kid. He gave her a soft smile, "Thanks kiddo."

"You gonna go after her?" The teen asked.

The smile dropped from his lips as his brows furrowed at the question, his gaze falling back onto his hands. He thought about it at the time but decided against it, thinking it would only add fuel to the fire if he followed her, "She needs time to cool off."

Ellie snuggled into his arm a little more "I think you should try. She made you happy…"

He glanced back up at her, his umber eyes soft as he met hers but the pain was still visible, "I don't know."

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Joel gave Ellie's shoulder a light squeeze, "C'mon, you gotta get some sleep."

She offered him a small smile which he returned as he stood up to walk out the room.

"Good night." She called out.

"G'night kiddo," he responded softly.

—————————————————————————

Ava left the house without looking back. Her chest tightened and her heart pounded as the tears continued to pour down her cheeks. How did she not see it? Jackson was supposed to be safe! Safe from people like him. Could she trust anyone here? She just wanted to get home and crawl into bed. To fall asleep and forget although she wasn't convinced her head was going to give her the pleasure.

She jogged the last part of the way, a desperate instinctive need to get home. The dire need to be enclosed within her safe place, the four protected walls of her room. She threw open the front door and slammed it behind her. Her breaths were laboured between her cries as a blinding panic started to set in. Flash backs continuing to fill and haunt her mind, the lines between the past and present becoming increasingly blurred. How the blade of the serrated knife felt as it pierced her skin and sunk deeply into her abdomen after slicing through the layers of flesh and muscle, the excruciating burn between her thighs and the blood that smeared after they abused her over and over and the way they beat her if she resisted. She felt sick. No, she was going to be sick. 

Maddie's voice was not but a hazed muffle as the blonde bolted up the stairs. "Ava?" 

Ava didn't give an answer as she hurried into the en-suite of her room and shut the door behind her. Further vivid flashbacks entering into her mind, this time of Joel. The way he touched her skin, the way he tasted, the way he felt inside of her and the way she enjoyed it every fucking time. Oh no, there it was. She lunged for the toilet, heaving and spluttering as the blurry lines between past and present forced her stomach contents back up her throat. 

"Oh Ava, honey…" a voice appeared behind her. Maddie came rushing to her side, loosely scraping her shoulder length locks back into a ponytail, keeping her hair out of her face and rubbing a soothing palm over her spine with the spare hand.

The blondes chest tightened and hitched as she continued to dry heave into the bowl. The dry hurling soon morphing into a mess hyperventilation, her body almost convulsing with each hard breath forced. Her head was a disorder of flashbacks and fear. What was real and what was not, she couldn’t be sure. Everything appearing disoriented and fuzzy, she couldn't see clearly. Maddie pulled her into her chest and held her close, gently rocking her friend back and forth in an attempt to pacify the troubled young woman. Gentle reassuring words breathing into her hairline, "Shh, it's okay, you're okay. I got you… We got each other…"

They remained huddled together on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor until Ava finally started to calm, her breathing gradually beginning to regulate. "That's it Ave, deep breaths." 

Ava listened, her sole focus on breathing in, holding it for five and then breathing it all back out. She did this over and over until her heart rate slowed. She glanced up to her friend, eyes still glossy and glazed over, filled with distress. 

Maddie shuffled around pulled herself back onto her feet, reaching a safe palm out to take Ava by the hands, hoisting her up and leading her over to the bed.

The two women collapsing down next to each other, face to face. Maddie’s focus not leaving her friend as she gazed into her soul with nothing but unanswered concern over what would cause such a drastic reaction.

The blonde sniffled and her voice cracked, "Thank you Mads…"

The brunette offered her a sad smile, the pads of her fingertips stroking over the soft skin of her friends arm, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ava wiped her eyes with the heels of her palms, responding to the question with a small nod, "I...I shouldn't have trusted him…"

Chapter Text

"Ellie!" Joel called out as he sipped his morning coffee, the satisfying burn of the hot liquid awakening his body for yet another day. It had been a couple of days since things finished with Ava, not that he was counting. Putting her to the back of his mind had become a very deliberate task, so deliberate that it became futile. The further he pushed her memory down, the more her damned pretty face would taunt his daydreams and so his usual stoic unphased mask came into play. The one where he simply seemed unbothered on the surface. He just needed to carry on as normal. It didn’t work out and that was that… right? Life had dealt him far worse cards in the past, a break up with a woman he’d known for five minutes wasn’t to be deemed worth stressing over.

Ellie sluggishly traipsed into the kitchen at his beckoning and poured herself a glass of water from the faucet.

"You look like you could do with a coffee yourself." He more or less grumbled as he watched her mope past.

"No thanks. You can keep your burnt shit flavoured water for yourself." She grimaced as she stuck with her plain tap water. Her body turning to lean back against the counter, brows raised in Joel’s direction.

"Sooo…" The teen started as she tapped her glass.

He slammed his eyes with an exasperated shake of the head, already guessing correctly at what she was about to pry on. She'd been pestering him about it since their talk the other night, his voice growing stern. He wanted to just get on with his day, he didn't need to have this discussion with a fifteen year old kid, "Don't."

Ellie huffed a despairing sigh as she placed her used glass cup into the sink with a shrug. "I just think you need to speak with her, that's all…"

He really didn't want to discuss it any further, it was how he dealt with things. If it goes bad, block it out. Joel Miller didn’t talk things out. He remained stern. "No." 

The teen rolled her eyes. He was always so damn stubborn. Ava made him happy, why wouldn't he just try and talk with her? It didn't make sense to her.

Joel let out a deep sigh as he followed suit putting his empty coffee stained mug into the basin of the sink. He'd deal with the washing up later, his main priority at the moment was getting out of this conversation. "C'mon, you're gonna be late for school and I need to clear that old blokes yard to get that damned dog of yours."

He ushered the girl out of the door shortly after, not giving her a beat to question him before leaving himself not too long after. 

The walk wasn't far. Nothing really was far in the community, you could probably walk the whole perimeter in about forty five minutes. Whilst it was handy to have everything right on the doorstep, it did make avoiding people difficult.

He walked by her house. Ava's house. He hadn't seen her at all since their fight which was unusual considering at one point she seemed to be everywhere he went. A good part of him was thankful for it, it made it easier for him to forget about her but another small part was disappointed. Disappointed that she hadn’t sought him out… not that he was entirely sure why he thought she might…

He kept his head down low, focusing on the asphalt surface beneath his feet as he walked past. A conscious effort being made to not look over just in case she was there. It was silly really at his age but it's what he did- if it goes bad, block it out. It was a coping mechanism. It was how he survived this bloody long.

He had managed to make it to the end of the street before Ellie's constant headache inducing pestering could be heard echoing around inside his skull. Maybe he should try and talk to her? Talking wasn't his strong point but Ellie was right, he couldn't avoid her forever. This place was too damn small and contained for that, especially when she spent most of her time in that damned shop that was an essential part of his patrol routine…

He stopped and sighed, a rough palm dragging over his face. Fuck it. He could try. What’s the worst that could happen? "Goddammit.”

He turned back on his heels and headed back up the street. Towards her house. He needed to do it. He had to try and clear the air, for Ellie's sake. The teen had grown quite attached to the woman over the past few months. Whilst Joel tried his best, it was nice for her to have a woman to open up to. His point proven when Ellie opened up to Ava about what happened at the resort after he had tried to get her to talk for months on end with no avail. Ellie shouldn't have to lose someone like that because of his past mistakes.

He approached the house and rapped his knuckles clearly on the hard word of her front door.

"Who is it?" The familiar dulcet voice sounded from the other side.

Joel took in a sharp breath he didn't need to introduce himself, she'd recognise his voice the moment he opened his mouth, "It's me…”

There was a second of silence. It felt much longer than that as he wracked his brain for the right words to say. Shit… what the fuck was he going to say? Probably something he should have at least thought about before attempting this…

"Fuck. Off." 

Her once honeyed tone contorting instantly with disdain as she clearly and slowly enunciated each of the two words. Well, she was obviously still upset... It did however make things easier for him in terms of what to say next but my god did he feel uncomfortable. This sort of thing was completely out of his comfort zone. He swallowed thickly, "Can we at least talk?"

There was no verbal response but he could hear her footsteps padding across the hardwood floor boards within her home, them fading away as she moved out and way from the entryway. Perhaps he should just forget it… Just as he was about to leave, he could hear those same familiar footsteps reproaching the door and the harsh clunks of the interior locks being undone. Okay, we're getting somewhere.

The door edged open but before he could get a single word in, he was greeted with the barrel of a shot gun being shoved harshly toward his chest.

Joel stumbled back, his breath hitched within his throat as he put a couple of feet between him and the firearm locked, loaded and aimed in his direction. That was not what he was fucking anticipating, "Jesus Christ, Ava!" 

She stood poised, expression stony and cold with the barrel still aimed.

This was ridiculous. He shook his head and scoffed, "Get that damn gun out of my fuckin’ face."

She remained unmoved, her chest heaving with each breath taken and a fire burning within her eyes. A slight flick of her thumb snapping the safety lock off. A final warning. He found it almost unbelievable. She was actually fucking threatening him?! He'd like to think she wouldn't actually shoot him but from the look in her eye, he couldn’t be too sure. She was a great shot after all, he’d already been privy to her handy work. One rash decision from her and he knew damn well it would be game over for him. He raised his hands in the air and took another step back, "Ave, easy. Don't do somethin' you'll regret…"

Ava's hands trembled and her voice shook as she finally spoke between tensed gritted teeth, "I told you to stay away from me."

He licked his lips. His mouth all of a sudden felt drier than the fucking desert in a heatwave. Her actions and the way she eyed him up was enough for him to confirm that the hatred in her eyes from the other night was real. The realisation hitting him like a knife twisting into his gut. Why did this woman mean so much to him when their time together was so short? This was exactly fucking why he didn't let people in and the exact reason why he blocked his emotions out. He should have just kept fucking walking…

It was time to give up. There wasn't going to be a conversation nor was there going to be any kind of resolution reached, not whilst she was like this anyway. She didn't want anything to do with him, yet alone to stand there and hear him out. There was just one last thing worthwhile saying and he needed to say it for Ellie, "Listen, you can hate me all you want but you don't take it out on Ellie. Understand? She looks up to you…"

That's all he needed to say. The rest didn't matter anymore. Not his explanation or reasonings. Not the way he regretted how he handled the other night. Not the way he felt about her. It was done.

She didn't respond but she did loosen her grip on the gun and let it drop slightly. A single tear silently rolling down her cheek.

Joel lowered his hands and let out a weighted breath he hadn't realised he was holding. He gave her a pained nod before turning his back and heading back to the street. He could hear the door slam shut behind him, the sheer force behind it vibrating through his bones as he walked away.

Just to make matters worse, he glanced up to the opposite side of the street to find his brother stood with brows furrowed and jaw ticking. Shit, he'd likely just seen that whole altercation or at the very least seen her holding him at gun point.

He sighed as he glanced up to his sibling with a weary shake of his head, "Leave it, Tommy. It's fine."

Tommy glared at him with narrowed eyes, unconvinced by his older brothers words. This place had a low tolerance for violence, no matter who it was inciting it. "You sure?"

Joel took in a deep breath, flicking one last look over his shoulder at the closed door, "Yeah...Jus’ leave it be."

—————————————————————————

Tommy knew his brother well enough to not pry. Or at least not straight away. He'd heard Ava's side of the story from Maria who had been told by Maddie. The rate that gossip spread in this place never failed to surprise him…He could however see that his older brother was hurting also, no matter how much he tried to hide it. That was the thing with Joel, he had a tough exterior and tried not to form attachments but for those who did slip through the cracks in his walls, they meant a lot to him. Ava had done just that, she had somehow slipped through.

He'd always been a little closed off, that stemmed from their discommodious childhood but after loosing Sarah and the entire world falling apart around them, it exaggerated those traits so much further, turning him into a cold emotionless void. For decades he had sat back and watched his older brother loose himself to the never ending downward spiral of grief only for him to enter back into his life with something akin to a flicker of hope reigniting within his soul. Anyway, the point was that Tommy knew his brother well enough to know that for at least that day he needed to keep an eye on him.

"Why are we doin’ this again?" Tommy asked as he sawed down another branch from one of the many overgrown sagebrush's that expanded over the neglected yard.

Whilst Tommy focused on clearing the front yard, Joel focused on fixing up the picket fencing that enclosed the perimeter of the property’s boundaries, "Ellie wanted a dog. Since there isn't any currency here and I ain't got shit to trade, I ended up doing this…"

The younger brother released a low chuckle, "Shit, you wouldn't even let Sarah have a dog."

Joel snorted, "Yeah well, the kid said she'd stay in the house alone if she had a dog. I ain't exactly got anyone to sit with her anymore…"

Tommy nodded. Perhaps now was the appropriate time to pry, "So you gonna tell me what that this morning was all about?"

The older brother stopped in his tracks. He looked to the ground as a scowl formed over his expression. His brain working overtime to try and find his explanation before diffidently glancing back up to his sibling who was intently waiting for a response. "We uh.. we had a fight the other night. She found out about the shit I did and uh, didn't take it well so yeah, we're finished."

The younger man pursed his lips into a line as he treaded cautiously, "Yeah. She...uh, she apparently visited Howard yesterday morning and demanded her watch shift be changed…"

Joel turned back around, hammering a nail into the fence to avoid giving a reply. Of course she did…

"I can talk to her?" Tommy tried to reason. He could only imagine what was going through Ava's mind and half of the scenarios she was likely concocting up in her brain simply were not true. If he could just pin her down and explain, perhaps he could fix this for his big brother.

Joel adamantly shook his head. He didn't need anyone else getting involved. As far as he was concerned it was over and he needed to move on, "She held a gun to my fuckin’ chest, Tommy. There ain’t no talkin’ to her. It’s done and that’s fine. I'm fine."

The younger brother let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. It was pointless arguing with him, he wouldn't budge. "Okay, well then you need to get out and socialise more."

The older man arched a brow. He had socialised hadn't he? He and Rich got on alright so that was one person and then...well he had Tommy. Okay so maybe he had put all his focus into one person...her. 

Tommy continued, "I've not seen you show your face at any events we've held... There's another being held in a couple of weeks. I think it'll do ya a world of good to go. Even if just for a coupla hours."

Joel tensed his jaw at the thought, he hated shit like that. He'd much rather a quiet drink at the bar...on his own, "I'll think about it…"

The younger brother snorted a bemused laugh. As if he was giving the bastard a choice, "Ain't no thinkin' 'bout it, I'll drag you there if I have to."

For the first time in days a small tug to Joel's lips cracked a subtle smile across his face.

The brothers continued to work on the old man's yard until evening. The once overgrown mess had been completely landscaped. The grass short, bushes trimmed, rubbish removed and the fencing fixed up. 

Joel debated on going back for Ellie to pick the puppy up but his joints ached, his back was in half and all he could think about was collapsing into bed after a shot of whiskey or three. An extra trip didn't appeal to him in the slightest. Not when he could just grab the dog now.

—————————————————————————

Ellie was back at the house waiting anxiously. She paced back and forth waiting for Joel to return so she could bring home her new pet. She was beyond excited, having waited for this moment for weeks.

She'd always wanted a pet. She liked the idea of having a special bond with an animal just like in the movies and now was her chance. 

She couldn't wait to train him. She had so many tricks she wanted to teach the little guy. She was determined that they would be the best of friends.

Her thoughts were quickly disrupted when the door creaked opened, her fluffy thoughts distrusted by a sequence of little yaps.

Ellie almost sprinted to the door to meet Joel, an elated toothy grin beaming ear to ear as she exclaimed her excitement "You got him!"

He plopped the puppy into to her waiting arms and watched warmly as the small dog scrambled up her chest, using her shoulders as leverage whilst intensely and excitedly licking his tongue around her face. A soft smile crossing his face as he observed the pair from the doorway.

Her eyes beamed up at him as she held the small animal close. "Thank you, Joel…"

Joel gently patted her over the shoulder as he moved past her, carefully closing the door behind him. "Not a problem kiddo. C'mon bring him into the livin' room."

Ellie followed her guardian into the room and set the puppy onto the floor, kneeling down along side the little guy. It pattered about clumsily as he investigated his new home, taking in all the new smells and objects.

Joel slumped down into the couch, keeping a watchful eye on the new family member. He was still anxious that the animal was going to chew through the furniture or piss all over the floorboards, ruining them. The contractor in him shuddering at the thought of piss rotted wood being in his home.

The puppy gradually made its way over to where Joel was sat. It plopped itself down, laying its warm bloated meat filled stomach across his foot and falling asleep.

Ellie giggled, eyes focused solely on her new friend, "He likes you."

He snorted a small laugh. He guessed the pup was kind of cute. Maybe he could warm up to it. He pressed an all too important question onto the girl who was still knelt on the floor,  "What are you gonna call him?"

The teen twisted her lips as she thought. She had a few names that she had come up with but there was one that she felt suited the little guy best, plus she could turn it into a pun which only made it better… "Rufus"

A smirk breaking across her face before she continued. "Y'know cause dogs go ruff ruff…"

And that was them both in a fit of giggles. Joel shook his head, "That was shit. Will Livingston would be ashamed."

“Shut up, you dick.” 

There was a moment of silence as they both watched tiny Rufus sleep peacefully, still placed across Joel's left foot.

Ellie cautiously looked up, her expression falling flat as she spoke "Did you-"

Joel sighed and interrupted before she could finish her sentence, "I did, yeah…"

The teen looked up at him. A hopeful look in her eye. He took in a deep breath, he hoped that she would drop the topic for at least today but of course she asked. He looked down to his hands that were placed on his lap, "She didn't want to talk... m’sorry kid…I did try."

Ellie nodded as she too looked down to her lap. The disappointment very much apparent on her face. He just hoped that Ava had listened to the one point he did manage to raise.

Chapter Text

2 weeks later...

"Hey pretty lady!" Tommy exclaimed as he strolled leisurely into the shop, the bell atop the door jingling as it swung closed behind him. 

Ava looked up from behind the counter, giving him an incredulous look with a small smirk tugging at her lips. He was always such a charmer, Maria got lucky with that one, "Morning Tommy."

He approached the counter and leaned in with his elbows resting on the surface.

"What'd you need today?" She asked as she reached for her note pad.

"You still got that M98B out back?" 

Ava flicked through her note pad to see if the sniper rifle had already been claimed that morning by the early patrol that had set out, looking up to him with a pleasant smile upon confirming that the firearm had not already been signed out. "Looks like you're in luck."

She scooted the pad and pen across the counter towards him before turning on her heel to briefly disappear into the back room, "I'll just grab it for you, will be two ticks."

Tommy took the courtesy of completing his line in the note pad whilst he waited for her to return with his firearm. Her returning just moments later and placing the gun on the counters surface, ready for him to take, "You need anything else?"

He paused, tapping the pads of his fingers meticulously against the surface whilst apprehensively clicking his tongue against his teeth. Should he say something? Joel had made it crystal clear for him not to say a damn thing and to stay out of his private life but it had been weeks now and he was still actively avoiding the woman at all cost. Plus from what he had seen himself, she appeared to be doing just the same to him. They were both adults acting like goddamn children for goodness sake, it was ridiculous… Fuck it. He had to say something. "Just a few moments of your time, s’all."

The blonde arched a curious eyebrow at him, urging him to continue as she leant her weight on the counter towards him, "Okay..."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he started, leaning back from her close and attentive proximity."Listen, I know-"

Ava pulled back with a roll of her eyes and a heavy huff. She could already guess what this was going to be about, just by his whole shift in demeanour. "If Joel has sent you here then you can stop, now."

Tommy shook his head. Just as damn stubborn as bloody brother…"He's not sent me, I'm here of my own accord and I would appreciate it if you jus' hear me out."

She slammed her eyes once more adjusting her body weight to reluctantly listen in on whatever little speech he had prepared for her. Of course he would run to his big brothers defence…

"I know my brother's an asshole. I know that better than anyone," he started "and yeah, he's done some fucked up shit over the years... but I'm sure we all have in one way or another, right? It's the world we live in."

Ava scoffed and shook her head but before she had chance to interject, he continued.

"But what those fuckers did to you. He wouldn't ever do that to anyone, I can promise you that now."

He watched cautiously as the woman's face clouded over with emotion. Her glossy brown eyes blinking back the hot tears that prickled at the corners of her ducts as once again she was transported back to a ghastly time where she relived those haunted memories. 

"How do you know that?" She asked quietly.

Tommy shook his head as he glanced sheepishly down to his hands, he didn't particularly want to drop himself in the shit. Not when he had spent so much time gaining the trust of the community, " 'Cause I know my brother, Ave... Everythin' Joel did was to protect our group and keep us alive, nothin' more."

There was a moment of silence as Ava absorbed his words before she subtle shaking her head with a sharp sniffle, her voice slightly nasally from the emotion she was holding back, "It still doesn't change the fact that he murdered innocent people…"

That was a point that Tommy didn't have any justification for. There was no argument, he did kill innocents... they both did and fuck, that simple fact tortured every waking moment of his life. He took in a deep breath and gave her a small nod, "I know... I just wanted you to know that he didn't...Y’know…"

He trailed off gesturing his hand towards Ava. He didn't need to say the words, she knew what he was referring to. 

She gave him a small knowing nod and he returned a small sad smile. He'd tried and that's all he could do. He picked up the gun and slung the strap over his shoulder before making his way out of the shop, "Have a good day, pretty lady."

A small breathy chuckle escaped her lips as she watched him retreat, "and you Tommy…"

—————————————————————————

The next evening...

Joel sat on the couch pulling his boots onto his feet as Rufus came bounding over, taking ahold of his laces in his sharp needle like teeth and tugging at them playfully.

A deep sigh breathed from his lungs as he tried to shoo the animal away with no avail, "you little shit."

The small dog had really come out of his shell since joining their… household. His individual personality really coming to life, proving to Joel that the old saying was apparently true. 'Dogs are just like their owners'. In this case small, outspoken and a little annoying .

The puppy continued to tug at the laces with his jaw clamped shut refusing to release, preventing Joel from tying his boots. With his patience for the animal thinning rapidly and alongside another frustrated huff he beckoned out to Ellie, "Ellie, will you come ‘n get your damn dog!"

Ellie bounded down the stairs releasing a small giggle as she stumbled upon the situation. She eagerly skipped over, shoving two of her fingers into Rufus's mouth, forcing the animal to let go of the shoe laces. Before the puppy had the chance to reattach itself to Joel's shoe, she quickly scooped him up into her arms, removing him from the ever tempting scenario. She patted the small canines head as he squirmed around licking excitedly at her neck.

"Don't praise it." Joel grumbled as he finally managed to tie his laces.

The teen slammed her eyes at his grumpiness as she completely ignored him and continued to pet Rufus, "So you're actually gonna go tonight?"

He nonchalantly shrugged, briefly relaxing back into the cushions of the couch. "Tommy ain't really given me a choice…"

It was true, Tommy had pretty much threatened him into attending the event. The consequences of not going being that he would be rota’d in to work in the kitchens for the week- something he absolutely did not want to do. He could barely cook a meal for Ellie and himself, let alone cooking for the whole community. That really would be torture.

"You comin’ along?" He asked, a hint of hope creeping into his tone. 

Ellie scrunched her nose. "Eh, maybe later. Jesse's coming over in a bit with Dina, we were just going to chill…"

Joel nodded and then looked at the teen sternly, his paternal side coming out in full force. "No drinkin' and bedrooms are strictly off limits."

The teen rolled her eyes in response and mocked. So much for him not being her Father. He sure as hell liked to act like it… "Yes Dad."

He let out another exasperated sigh whilst shaking his head despairingly, choosing to brush off her sarcastic tone. "I doubt I'll be there long so don't worry about lockin' up."

—————————————————————————

The event was being held in its usual place which was the basement beneath the cafeteria. It was the only place large enough in the small town sufficient to hold everyone. Joel had been down there briefly one time when Tommy had given him and Ellie their initial tour upon arriving. At the time it was just an empty room and in his personal opinion, he thought it looked a little dingey.

He lingered outside awaiting for his brother to show his face. It wasn’t long before he spotted Tommy strolling hand in hand with Maria down the street, greeting them out the front of the cafeteria before they walked down into the large basement together. He was pleasantly surprised at how they had managed to turn the place around. The ceiling strung with glistening fairly lights giving a soft ambience, tables and chairs had been brought down from upstairs, a make shift bar stacked with various spirits set up on one side of the room and music echoed around the space. It was a lot busier than he expected it to be as well.

Maria was quick remove herself from the eldest Miller brothers presence, swiftly making her way over to a group that were stood in one corner of the basement which left the two brothers conversing alone. The pair of course made their way over to the bar, where Joel had already decided that he would stay put for the short duration of time that he had planned on staying at the event. 

Tommy grabbed two glasses and one of the whiskey bottles, pouring them both a glass of the rich liquid amber, "Maria's only stayin' for a short while, she wants to get back to Charley…"

Joel nodded as he took a sip. He didn't really give two shits about what Maria was doing if he was being honest with himself, "So what's all this in aid of?"

The younger brother smirked whilst motioning towards a young lad that resided in the middle of the room enthusiastically downing shots, one after another. "It's the kids twenty first, quite the achievement these days…"

The older sibling chuckled as he remembered his own twenty first all those years ago. He was newly divorced, Tommy was baby sitting Sarah and so he was a free man. He had a great night, not that he could remember much of it but the pounding head and random woman in his bed the next morning certainly indicated towards a successful night on the town.

The brothers continued to chat near the bar before a somewhat familiar woman came to join them. Joel had seen her around the community here and there but hadn't ever formally been introduced to her.

"Hey Tommy." She spoke, flashing him a cordial smile.

"Ah, hi Esther." Tommy responded, giving her a friendly hug in return.

Joel stood awkwardly continuing to sip from his glass as the pair greeted one another. Great, he was actually going to have to socialise.

The younger brother quickly gestured towards his older sibling to introduce him to the new woman. He knew Joel wouldn't introduce himself without prompting, "This is Joel, my big brother."

The woman, now known as Esther held her palm out with a timid smile, "Hi, I'm Esther. I think I've seen you around, it's nice to finally meet you properly."

Reluctantly Joel reached forward and shook Esther's hand, "Hi, uh yeah... good to meet you…"

The trio continued to talk for a while longer before Tommy backed up slightly and took a look around the room, "Right, Imma leave you two chattin'. I got some minglin' to do."

Joel shot him a stern glare in warning. One that clearly read ‘don’t you dare’. A hardened look that Tommy responded with a mischievously taunting wink. That damned man knew exactly what he was playing at. Had to mingle, my ass. 

As he watched Tommy’s form disappear into the bulk of the crowd, he caught sight of a familiar figure about fifteen feet away from him. Ava stood amongst a group of women with her back to him. Her pale blonde hair lightly curled, hanging loose just below her shoulders, the soft curves of her body hugged by a strappy, black satin dress - he hadn't seen her hair like that before and he definitely hadn't seen that dress before. She looked good- really good.

He forced his focus away from her as Esther began to speak, "So you boys from Texas, right?"

He took in a sharp breath as he tried to refocus on the woman in front of him. She was more his age for a start, she looked to be in her forties not that he was about to guess her years. He knew better than that. Her light brunette, slightly greying hair scraped back into a high pony with hazel eyes gazing up at him. She wasn't an unattractive woman by any means, quite the opposite actually but she didn't compare to the blonde that he was inevitably drawn to. Not that Ava was the standard he was going to hold himself at, he knew damn well he was punching high at the time. He cleared his throat deciding that it wouldn’t necessarily hurt to at least try and get to know Esther- would get Tommy off his back for a bit, "Yeah, we're from Austin. You?"

The woman smiled at him playfully.  "Can you not tell by the accent?"

He pondered for a moment, his eyes flicking back over to Ava unintentionally. He frowned at himself for doing so and once again refocused, "Uh, I'm guessin’ you're a Maine girl?"

Esther nodded, her lips tugging just that bit more. "That guess would be correct."

The pair continued engaging in small talk for sometime. Joels eyes occasionally and subtly straying over towards where Ava resided, mentally scolding himself each time he caught himself staring at her, not that it seemed to stop him.

Esthers voice brought him back to reality "Joel?" 

He brought his attention back to the woman in front of him with a blink but just as he did- did Ava just look at him? Did she just acknowledge that he was present in the room? He could swear he saw her glance over from the corner of his eye.

"You seem a little distracted?" She spoke.

He was trying. My fucking god, he really was but nothing that spilled from the woman’s mouth was capable of holding his interest for more than a couple of seconds at a time… Not when she was over there, looking like that. He stumbled over his words slightly. "Uh... Sorry, it's probably just the drink…"

Esther once again started talking but he couldn't hear a damn thing she was saying or rather, he wasn't listening. His full attention was once again back on the blonde. His gaze following her as she danced upon Maddie. Perhaps a little too provocatively for what was deemed as appropriate for a community event- not that he minded the view in the slightest. He couldn't help but subtly study her as she swirled her hips and ran her fingers through her hair. Fuck, she looked good. Too damn good. His mind drifting inappropriately as he zoned out to the sight of her body rolling and twisting beneath the dim light… His heart rate rising at knowing how damn good it would feel to have her body moving like that against his… minus the dress. A burning heat beginning to awaken between his legs just at the thought… What the fuck was wrong him?!

Then it happened again, their eyes momentarily locking as she continued to invitingly sway her hips to the music. However, the look in her eyes wasn't the fiery hatred he saw those weeks ago...no, this was almost seductive in nature? It had to be him wishfully thinking, right? Surely, it had to be this alcohol having an affect on him. She had a gun to his chest just weeks ago, spitting her aversion toward him so why on earth would she be looking at him in that way. He opted to not read into it, it was probably nothing, she probably didn't even mean to look at him. He swallowed thickly, tearing his lingering gaze away from her and back to Esther.

He nodded, pretending that he had been listening to her words whilst subtly attempting to adjust the discomfort that had formed beneath the really fucking restrictive zipper of his jeans. Had they always been this goddamn tight?

"Are you even listening to me?" She asked, her tone visibly irritated. Apparently he was not as discreet as he gave himself credit for.

He tensed up, his hand moving up to scratch at the hot flushed skin on the back of his neck. The moment growing increasingly awkward as he blundered painfully, "Uhh…"

Not satisfied with the man's answer, she glanced over her shoulder with a knitted brow, eyes scanning the surroundings to see if she could spot what he was getting so distracted by. Her brow only furrowing further when she couldn't work it out. Ava having moved from where she was with the other girls following suit as they appeared beside him at the bar.

With that the blonde strutted straight past him. Intentionally brushing her bare shoulder roughly against his arm as she moved by. Joel’s focus shot straight back to her with little self control, their attention meeting one another once more. Her gaze dark and alluring as she sucked her bottom lip into a vixenish smirk. Oh, he knew that look all too well. It was a dangerous look, one that ignited a carnal and untameable instinct deep within him. There was no mistaking what he saw this time, the sultry invitation her deep umber eyes communicated. She was fucking asking for it and who was he to deny her?

He quickly glanced back round to Esther who was already glaring up at him rather unimpressed as he had once again become distracted. Fuck Esther and her dull conversation. At this point he didn't couldn’t give a shit, he'd just lost all interest in carrying on this forced discussion. He fumbled his words as he looked back to the exit that Ava was walking towards a tauntingly smug grin on her face, "Uhh… I uh- I've gotta go"

Without so much as looking back at the woman he was talking with, he placed his glass down on the bar and followed the blonde out of the room.

—————————————————————————

Ava paced on ahead. She didn't stop to wait for him nor breath a single word but did occasionally glance over her shoulder to ensure he was still following at a distance behind. Her mind clouded by copious amounts of alcohol and possessiveness… Esther fucking Davies of all people… Like she could leave him fucking satisfied…

They were now outside of the enclosed walls of the cafeteria and walking along the street with him aimlessly following each step she took. Where the fuck was she going? A small part of him felt like this was perhaps a bad idea and that he should just turn around and go home before she murdered him in a dark corner of town but the other part of his mind drunk off the thought of a chance at burying himself inside her, a primal switch being flicked in his mind coerced by the neat whiskey he had spent the evening consuming.

She eventually made a sharp veer to the right entering into... the shop?

She waited for him impassively. Her body relaxed back against the counter, a luscious pout to her lips as she tilted her head to the side as he entered in after her. The room was dimly lit, the only light source coming from the streetlights that shone through the windows. 

"Why d'you follow me?" She asked, her sharp tone laced with attitude. She knew damn well why he followed her. 

Joel continued to assertively approach her. Keeping his carnal eyes locked onto hers, he searched for any signs of submission or retreat. For any signs that she didn’t want this. Surely if she was planning on shooting him, she would have done it by now. He was sure that it was the whiskey that once again gave him the unfound confidence but he was going to shoot his shot and accept the risks that came along with it.

He reached for the side of her face and firmly pulled her into him, leaving a deceivingly soft and tender kiss to her lips that lingered. One of his hands snaking around her waist to support her, a large palm splaying across her lower back as he flicked his tongue across her lower lip.

He pulled back, their faces still just millimetres apart. He could still feel the warmth of her shaky breath fanning against his lips. This was her chance to leave. Her chance to run away. He gazed into her deep brown irises, the ones that would often captivate him and leave him in a lustful trance. His voice spoke deep and low, his southern drawl exaggerated by the intoxication. "Darlin', you know that you just gotta to tell me to stop."

Her heated eyes remained locked onto his, all dark and conflicted as she contemplated her options. Her jaw feathering and throat swallowing as she slowly began to lose herself to his rugged appeal. She looked infuriated by the predicament she had put herself in, although he couldn't quite tell if her anger was directed at him or if it was at her own insatiable desires that she was about to cave into. 

She gripped tightly onto the collar of his shirt and forcefully pulled him back into her. Their lips desperately crashing together in a mess of tongue and teeth. The tender softness from moments ago now nowhere to be seen, frantic and passionate movements as their tongues battled for dominance. His fingers dragging up her spine and grasping harshly into her hair as he walked her back against the counter. His dominant and assertive manner driving her desire sky high, a scathing heat spilling from her core the moment his hungry tongue slipped past her lips.

 A dulcet moan breathed into his mouth as her back slammed against the edge of the counter, his clenched fist tugging back at her locks. That soft moan being enough in itself to almost send him over the edge. Releasing his grip of her hair, he slid his rough palms down over the curves of her body to take an unforgiving grip on either side of her hips. In one swift motion he broke the kiss and flipped her around so he had her pinned against the surface, caging her in. She gasped as his fingers yanked the skirt of her dress up and around her waist, exposing her lace pantie clad ass. His hands roughly palming at the supple flesh of her exposed cheek, inciting another wanton moan from her throat. 

"You're still a fucking asshole!" she spat weakly as he continued to massage her behind, his thumb grazing dangerously close to the space between her inner thighs and being met with no resistance by her.

Joel pressed his body flush against her. Her ass firmly pushed against his hardened crotch. “Argh, Joel…” Her pretty voice whined all lustful and needy, a far cry from the viscous sneer from just seconds ago.

He leant forward so that his lips brushed the soft shell of her ear. His hot breath against her skin made the hairs on her neck stand. His voice deep, raspy and down right irresistible, "So you want me to stop?"

There was not even a beat of hesitation in her answer,  almost sounding desperate as she ground her ass further into him causing a sharp hiss to escape from his chest. "No."

He dragged his lips down to her jaw, leaving wet open mouth kisses before moving onto her neck where he sucked the skin between his teeth and gently bit down, leaving behind a trail of little reddened blemishes. His untameable desires left evident upon her flesh. His.

His thick fingers dipped between her thighs and looped beneath her lacey underwear, dragging a digit along her glistening folds and collecting an abundance of her arousal on his calloused pads. Fuck, she was practically dripping. She took in a sharp breath as he began to circle her sensitive bud with his thumb whilst pushing two fingers into her heat. Gently fucking into her with his hands, down to the knuckle as he curled them deep into that soft spongey spot that he knew would steal the breath from her lungs. It wasn't long before she was whimpering and jittering around his touch and not much longer after that she let out a louder lead moan as she found her first release. His eyes almost rolling into the back of his head at the incredible sensation of her walls fluttering tight around his digits. God, he loved the sound of her voice whimpering his name, the breathy fucked out moans that escaped her lips, those beautiful sounds that were just for him and his ears. Shit, he needed her and he needed her now.

He removed his hand from between her legs and sucked her juices from his fingers. Deliciously sweet and entirely her, a taste he’d savour and dream out in nights to come.  He wasted no time in unbuckling his belt and pushing his pants down, he didn't even want to waste time to take her underwear off as he simply dragged the saturated crotch of the laced material to one side and kicked her legs apart, exposing his access to her beautiful cunt.

In one steady motion, he pressed his tip against her entrance and pushed himself inside. Gliding into her with easy as her slick engulfed him. He let out a small groan at how tight she was as he sunk his shaft deeper into her. Fuck, she felt incredible. She always did. 

Ava let out a sharp gasp as he hit a certain tender point within her, white knuckling her grip of the counter as he stretched her out deliciously from the inside. He paused for a brief moment allowing her a second to adjust to him being inside her, her tight canal making room for him. He left gentle kisses on the nape of her neck as he began to shallowly thrust his hips into her softness. His mind entering a state of euphoria with each and every burden he carried lifted from his shoulders as he bottomed out, fully sheathed inside her wet warmth, “Shit, baby. So fuckin’ good…”

"More.." she whimpered as she pressed her ass further back into him, a sinfully loud noise escaping her swollen lips at the build up of pressure in her lower abdomen.

A small moan left his own mouth as she did. He moved his hands to grip her waist, wanting to hold her still as he picked up his pace, drilling into her deeper and harder. His fingers gripping onto her flesh so tightly that it was sure to leave bruises behind. Shit, he was not going to last long at all at this rate.

She whimpered loudly between laboured breaths, eyes reddened and streaming. She could barely breath with the force he was fucking into her but the way her legs began to tremble was a clear indicator that it wasn't a bad thing. He could feel her coming close and he knew damn well that as soon as she came, he wouldn't stand a chance.

He moved one hand around to her front and took a gentle grip around her throat, pulling her up flush against him, his lips pressing against the side of her temple. Another loud moan escaping her slackened mouth as his other hand moved around to her lower abdomen, pushing her into him more with one finger pressed over her clit, steadily beckoning her orgasm.

With one final thrust, she was taken over the edge with a lewd yelp of his name. She coiled tight around his length, the muscles of her entrance fluttering as spasming through her release as he nipped and sucked on her neck. Her second orgasm sending her blissfully to the stars with sparks of white exploding behind her eyes. Him continuing to buck up into her sloppily as she rode her wave before hitting his own climax, spilling his hot release deep within her warmth. One more throbbing thrust and then another, ensuring she took every last drop of him within her. 

They remained in place for a moment as they both caught their breath and came down from the intense high they bestowed upon each other. Fucking Ava against Jackson’s shop counter was absolutely not how he planned the night going but he definitely was not mad about it. Far from mad about it.

He eventually pulled away from her and turned around to tuck himself in and button his pants back up. By the time he had buckled his belt and spun around to face her, she had already pulled her dress back down over her thighs and was half way out the shop door.

She didn't breath a word to him. She didn't even glance back at him as she forced the door open and disappeared down the street.

He furrowed his brows dumbfounded that she had actually just left without breathing a single word. What the fuck just happened?

Chapter Text

Heart still pounding within her chest, Ava hastily tugged the hem of her skirt back over her thighs and made a B line towards shop door. Without so much as looking back, her only goal was to get home. Her mind conflicted over what she had just done. It was easier to not speak with him. It was easier to just walk away.

She pushed open the front door and called out, "Mads, you home?"

Silence surrounded her. She let out a relieved breath upon the realisation that she was alone, slumping slightly back against the partition she shut behind her. Perfect, Maddie was still out which meant that she wasn't about to be bombarded to death with one hundred and one questions. 

The blonde kicked her shoes off and ambled her way up the stairs, stumbling slightly over the last step as she reached the landing. A small huff escaping her lips as she caught her balance. Perhaps she was a little more drunk than she initially thought...Maybe she could blame her actions on that?

She sighed as she reached her room, bypassing the ever so tempting comfort of her bed and instead entering the connecting ensuit. She closed the door behind her and dragged her palms down over her face. Fuck, she felt disgusting. 

"What is wrong with you..." She muttered to herself in a whisper as she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror.

This was the one thing she promised herself to no longer do. Ava Monroe didn't have one night stands or flings. Not with ex lovers, not at all!… At least not since her mid twenties and especially not in public spaces with someone she was supposed to be furious at- not anymore! That girl was supposed to be buried far, far in the past.

She moved over to the toilet, knowing damn well that she should probably try to pee in order to avoid any sort of infection. That was the last thing she needed right now. She pulled her underwear down, the sticky reminance of what had just happened was still very much present in the crotch of her knickers. She scrunched her nose. He could have at least taken her underwear off. 

It was an all too familiar scene, igniting old memories that she had forced all the way down when she first stepped foot in Jackson. Cramped in a tiny rundown restroom, desperately scrubbing off someone else's bodily fluids from between her legs. Flashbacks that made her feel sick to her stomach. Her time in Seattle and all the QZ's after coming back to haunt her...

She kicked her underwear to the side and let her satin dress fall to the floor as she reached for the faucet. Perhaps a shower would make her feel less dirty.

She hopped into the tub and let the warm water cascade over her, an attempt to wash away what felt like a sin. She stood there deep in thought as the soothing steam swirled, surrounding her figure. Why did she do it? Why did she lure the man in and then have him fuck her against that bloody counter? The answer was simple, not that she wanted to admit to it. Seeing him talk with another woman is what did it. The way Esther had batted her piggy eyes up at him and smirked at whatever it was he had said. She didn't like it. It was suffocating to watch. She was jealous.

Perhaps if she wasn't drinking she would have been able to ignore it and move on. She had wanted to hate him for what he had done and she did for a short time, although that only lasted for a few days before the hatred started to wear off.

She would remind herself daily of the things he had done so she could remain angry at him, to stop her from running back but after hearing Tommy out, something changed. Maybe he wasn't so bad?

She felt ridiculous. After all, he had still murdered many innocent people but according to Tommy, he hadn't raped and tortured. It was the latter that bothered her the most and it was a relief that he wasn't as monstrous as she initially assumed. The sickened feeling she'd get when she thought of him stopped. He wasn't like the people that had captured her...

This is where her mind was conflicted. He had still done terrible things but at the same time, she had started to miss having that intimate connection with someone. Started to miss the security she felt when he would hold her through the night. She started to miss him. Maybe she should have stayed and talked with him? To see what he had to say? 

Damn, this shower was not helping her feel any better. She sighed as she twisted the faucet off and wrapped herself in a towel. Allowing the threadbare cotton to provide her body with a fraction of the comfort and warmth it apparently so desperately craved. It was too late now... she had already walked away from him.

She dried herself off and wandered back into her bedroom. Pulled out an oversized T-shirt from the dresser, slipping it on over her body before collapsing into her bed. The room beginning to spin as she stared vacantly up towards the ceiling. Man, she had definitely drank more than she realised.

She closed her eyes as her mind drifted back to the events of that evening. His scent. His voice. His taste. The feeling of his lips against hers. The sudden rush of desire that she felt when he whispered into her ear and kissed her neck. The way his body was pressed against her own. The way she felt when she was with him, a feeling that couldn't be recreated by anyone else. The moment he locked eyes with her in that crowded room, she became putty in his hands.

She hated the way that she still wanted him. She hated the way that she let him into her life. She hated how she relished in the fact that his hands were all over her. She hated how he felt so damn good when inside her. She hated how she wanted more. She hated that she couldn't hate him and she hated that she had to admit to herself that she missed him.

Ava groaned as she rolled over onto her front, pushing her face into the pillow. She felt like screaming, not that it would solve anything. She couldn't understand why this was so hard for her. She had never had an issue with ending relationships previously so why was this any different? They had only been together for a short period, why couldn't she let go? Why had this man had such an impact on her already?

In truth she didn't know what to do. She had all of these feelings bottled up and she didn't know how to deal with them. Her mind was so conflicted on what was right and what was wrong. 

She needed to push all thoughts of Joel out of her head. At least for now. Perhaps things would be clearer in the morning once she'd had some sleep...

—————————————————————————

A trickle of bright gold seeped through the tattered blinds of her window, her eyes twitching as they began to stir. The solace of a new sober morning not being successful in making her conflicted thoughts any clearer.

She sighed as she sat up and cupped her palm up over her forehead head. Weary brain pounding painfully into her skull as she momentarily shut her eyes, allowing her senses to come too. These damn hangovers were just getting worse as she was getting older.

The blonde forced herself out of bed with a reluctant grunt before wrapping her wooly dressing gown around her body and groggily padding her way downstairs to the kitchen.

She paused by the sink to pour herself a glass of cool water before then slumping down into one of the hardwood chairs at the dining table. She needed to hydrate if she was going to shift this hangover, it wasn't like paracetamol was readily available anymore... 

It wasn't long before she was joined in the kitchen by her brunette haired house mate.

"You look like shit..." Maddie grumbled as she entered the kitchen rubbing her eyes with the heels of her palms. Her dark hair pulled back into a messy bun, loose tendrils sticking out in all directions and the bags beneath her eyes indicating that she didn't get back until much later.

Ava glanced up incredulously, flipping her a hard middle finger, "I can't say you look any better..."

Maddie lazily trudged over to the kitchen counter and grumbled, "Fuck, we're getting old."

The blonde groaned clamorously in response as she once again dropped her heavy head between her shoulders and rested the weight within her hands.

The brunette fumbled around by the counters before picking up the kettle and filling it, "Coffee?"

Ava couldn't find the energy to verbally respond but a mug of strong coffee sounded magnificent at that point. She gave her friend a thumbs up to signal that yes, she definitely needed to revitalise her tired bones with a hit of caffeine.

There was a moment of silence as the kettle bubbled away before Maddie turned around to face the blonde. An innocent hint of curiosity in her tone. "So where did you go last night? One moment we were dancing and the next minute you were gone."

The blondes head shot up. Shit, here were the questions that she didn't particularly want to answer. Her brows furrowed as she picked at the skin around her finger nails, "Oh. I um... I didn't feel too good so I came home..."

The brunette shot her a slightly unconvinced look, her own brow arching quizzically before turning back around, continuing to pour the drinks, "Huh."

She then picked the full steaming mugs up and carefully placed one of them down in front of Ava who was a little too quick to grab the beverage.

Maddie's eyes narrowed as she noticed something new about her friend's appearance as she moved to grab the drink, "What's that on your neck?"

Ava looked at her sheepishly, bringing one of her hands up to shield the side of her neck from view. Her mind racing back to the previous night and how she crumbled beneath the kisses placed upon her. How his teeth grazed and sucked over the sensitive skin of her throat as he pressed into her. Shit, had he left marks? 

The brunette was quick to slam her own mug down onto the surface and forcefully pull her friends hand away. She then shoved the obscuring locks of hair back over her friends shoulder revealing the purple marks that trailed down her throat. Shit, he had left marks. How the fuck did she not notice that earlier?

Maddie gasped before exclaiming. "You lying little bitch! You fucked him, didn't you? That's where you went! I saw him looking at you and... shit! You were dancing like that for him, weren't you?!"

The blonde looked up at her guiltily. There wasn't any point in lying, the bite marks on her neck were a dead give away.

The brunette scoffed, straightening her posture with hands on her hips. A smug grin creeping across her face. "Ava Monroe, you absolute hoe bag!" 

Ava gave her friend another incredulous look as she sipped her drink, "That's rich coming from you..."

Enunciating the word ‘Rich’ with more force that necessary as she mocked her friends most recent rendezvous.

Maddie placed her palm to her chest for dramatic effect, "Yes, I'm a self proclaimed whore. But you, Monroe... are not."

Well, little did Maddie appear to know... and she definitely felt like a whore at that moment. The blonde shrugged arrogantly and muttered beneath her breath "You said it..."

The brunette smirked before her face then dropped, hands back on her hips in a more authoritative stance than before. "So you've gone running back to him then?"

Ava once again looked down with a frown, her own expression dropping as she meekly shook her head. She'd hardly ran back to him... more ran away from him...

"Ave, you don't do one night stands. We both know that..."

The blonde looked back up to her friend, a defeated look in her eye, her voice almost whining. "Mads, I don't know what to do..."  

Maddie shook her head with a huff before taking the chair next to her. Protective best friend mode fully activated, "Are you serious? Ave, I know I'm not one to judge but he sounds like bad news..."

Ava rubbed her hand over her face and pinched the bridge of her nose. She couldn't quite believe she was about to admit it out loud, "I miss him."

The brunette reached out and placed a hand onto her arm whilst raising her eyebrows. "Babe, he's a sociopath. Are you sure it's him you miss and not just his..."

The blonde was quick to cut her off.  "I spoke with Tommy. He's saying that he didn't do the kind of things that happened to me..."

Maddie let out another bemused scoff and mocked. "Ah he didn't rape women, he just put a fucking bullet through their skulls instead- that makes it all okay then?"

Ava snatched her arm away from her friend and took in a sharp breath, "He makes me feel beautiful and like I'm not broken goods!"

Maddie let out a deep sigh as she toned her voice down a notch. "Ave, you are beautiful and you are not broken goods. Anyone that knows you can tell you that..."

She paused to check Ava's reaction. She looked up with a slight pout but gave nothing other than that. Maddie ran her fingers through the blondes hair before continuing, "Look, I'm in no place to tell you what to do but please promise me one thing?"

Ava tilted her head to one side and raised a questioning brow, "What?"

The brunette pursed her lips and gestured towards the blondes crotch. "Promise me that you'll think with your head and not your vagina."

Ava couldn't help as a laugh forcefully escaped her. That damn woman always had such a brash way with words.

Maddie grinned at the fact she was able to put a smile back on her friends face, "because only one of us is allowed to think with our vagina's and I claimed that right a long time ago."

The blonde chuckled breathily as she finally sipped her streaming mug of hot caffeine. "Yes, you definitely did..."

Chapter Text

It had been days since he let his desires get the better of him. Days since he'd last touched her or so much as caught a glimpse of her. 

He knew better now than to try and approach the woman, he learned that the hard way previously but he had hoped that she would have come to him. But no. Once again, there was nothing.

He scolded himself at the thought of what they had done. He was nearly bloody fifty, too damn old for doing shit like that although he couldn't deny that it did give a certain thrill. 

Ultimately he knew that he should have listened to the small part of his mind that told him to just go home instead of entertaining whatever it was she was up to. It was too late now though.

He had thought about it over and over without being able to conclude even the slightest of an understanding of her actions from that night. It was her that initiated it, not him. He gave her the chance to put a stop to things escalating and she chose to continue.

Perhaps she just wanted sex and nothing more? No, she really didn't seem like the type and even if it was that, she probably could have had a chance with the majority of the men in that room…so why him? Was it because of her past and he was so familiar? He knew she had difficulties being intimate with new people but she had specifically told him to stay away from her and even so much as held him at gun point.

Maybe it was just time to accept that he didn't understand her as well as he thought. If she truly wanted to patch things up between them, she would have come to him by now, right? 

It was time that he stopped chasing her. He wanted peace and security. He was too old to be playing games. 

His thoughts were interrupted as the teen that resided in his house trudged into the kitchen.

"Good morning." Ellie spoke as she moved past him to raid the cupboards for food.

Joel only replied with a grunt to acknowledge her presence.

The teen looked back over her shoulder with a roll of the eyes, returning his overall grumpiness with a sarcastic expression, "Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine again today..."

He took a sip of his coffee and raised his brows, creases forming across his forehead. His tone flat and not reflecting his response, "I'm fine."

Ellie closed the cupboard and turned to face the older man, narrowing her eyes, "You've been in a piss for the last couple of days."

"More so than usual..." added as a mutter beneath her breath.

"I'm fine." He barked a little more forcefully. He didn't mean to be so brash with her, he just wished she would have taken his first answer and left it. The honest truth was that, yes, he was pissed off. Not that he was going to tell the girl why. That was none of her damn business. 

The young girl dramatically threw her hands up in the air, "Jeez, don't bite my head off old man."

Joel sighed. He shouldn't have snapped, it wasn't the kids fault he was in a shitty mood. He decided to remedy his tone with a partial lie, "I'm jus' tired, that's all. You'll understand when you get to my age."

Ellie continued on her search for food before landing on some crackers, "Y'know, if you didn't get up at the ass crack of dawn each morning, you might feel less tired...Just a thought…"

She had a point. He'd often go to bed late but always seemed to be up by six in the morning at the latest. He'd never really been one to lie in unless there was something in bed that was worth his while staying for. He always felt as if he was wasting the day if he just laid there.

"I've got to head out on a job. It's just a quick building repair. I should be back by the time you get home from school."

Ellie nodded, speaking with her mouth full, "I'm gonna hang out with Cat for a bit after. I'll be back before dinner though."

The older man gave her a disgusted look with a slight huff, unable to ignore the sight of half chewed cracker peeking through her lips as she spoke. "Don't talk with your mouth full."

"That's what she said. Ha!" The teen retorted. A menacing smirk on her face which simply earned her an eye roll and shake of the head. A new kind of joke she had recently learned... One that was becoming tiresome real quickly.

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The building repair was on the bar that was situated in the centre square of Jackson, The Tipsy Bison. Another leaky roof that needed reinforcement. There seemed to be a lot of this at the moment. It made sense though, to repair the roofs now whilst they were in the midsts of summer rather than to wait until winter came in where the most interior damage would be done.

It was another abnormally warm day for the plains of Wyoming and it was just him and Rich allocated to this one job. There was supposed to be a third guy but he had called in unwell at the last possible minute meaning there was no chance of finding another to fill in. Normally this wouldn't cause much of an issue, both remaining men being skilled enough to get the job done between the two of them but the fact that it was so hot and Joel hadn't slept properly the past few nights really started to take its toll.

"Can you pass me the crow bar?" He asked his partner, the back of his hand swiping the sticky sweat from his forehead.

Rich obliged, passing it over to him before continuing on his own part of the roof.

Joel jammed the metal bar beneath the shattered slat to that seemed to have become wedged, applying a heave of pressure to the opposite end and dislodging it from its place. As he levered the tile up, it sprung free and rolled down the rest of the roof, smashing onto the concreted ground below. 

"Shit..." He muttered beneath his breath as he watched it slide and fall, it all happening too quickly for any type of reaction time. If it landed on someone, it would have definitely caused some damage.

Cautiously he ambled forward to the edge of the roof, peering down over the edge to ensure his negligence on the job hadn’t caused any unintended injuries. A familiar face strolling by just as he did. She looked over toward the sound of the slat crashing to the floor a few meters beside her before then glancing up to see its source.

Their eyes locked, awkward and tense. It was only for a very brief second before Ava quickly ducked her head back down with a notable furrow to her brows and hurried off. It was the first time he'd caught a glimpse of her since he had her pinned against that counter. Since her supple curves were pressed against him. Since he-

He shook himself out of it and went to continue on with his work. He couldn't think about it, couldn’t think about her and most certainly, he couldn’t allow him to dwell on that night. He had to move on. 

Of course the small interaction didn't go unnoticed by the ever watchful Rich. A slick and slightly menacing twitch tugging at his lips as he watched his partner fluster for a second before pulling himself back together.

"Still don't understand how you managed to pull that one...Talk about punchin'." He commented, gesturing towards the pretty blonde that was walking away down the street. His eyes very obviously glued to the sway of her hips. An act that hadn’t been overlooked by Joel, his conscious willing him to appear unfazed by the subtle observation.

Instead he scoffed, a stubborn determination to come across as indifferent to the woman, "What can I say, I've just got that Miller charm..."

"Shame you couldn't keep that charm up." The long haired man winked before continuing, "What happened there anyway? Sounded more than a one night thing from what Tommy was sayin’."

Joel set down the new roof tile in place of the old one and shrugged nonchalantly, attention appearing focused on the task at hand. Fucking Tommy…and his big mouth. "It was jus’ a dumb fling. S’all. Nothin' was ever gonna come of it."

That was a lie. It wasn't ever just meaningless sex to him- far from it, what they had was more than that. That’s why it hurt so bad. There was a genuine connection there, at least there was on his side... he wasn't entirely sure about her anymore. There was not a chance in hell he was going to admit to that out loud, his pride to precious to confess to such a thing. It was bad enough conceding to it within his stubborn mind. It was easier if he lied to everyone around him as much as it was to fib himself into believing that their short time together was no more than a collection of hook ups…

Rich let out an approving chuckle, "That friend of hers is a fire cracker as well. Let me tell you..."

Joel shook his head. Ava had told him about Maddie's sexual escapades and Rich was a guy who wouldn't miss an opportunity for an easy fuck so it didn't surprise him in the slightest. It just disgusted him a little... not that he was much better. No, surely he was not comparing himself to the serial womaniser that was Richard Webber.

—————————————————————————

He arrived home late afternoon. Much later than he had initially expected, his weary muscles aching from a day of hard labour and his eyes already feeling heavy. All he wanted was to shower off the sweat and dirt then crash out on the couch until Ellie returned home. 

He kicked his boots off, placing them outside in the porch. He didn't feel like cleaning up after the mud he'd traipse through the house other wise. He made his way upstairs and into the shower to scrub clean before changing into something cleaner and comfier. 

Before giving in to the desire of crashing onto the sofa he forced himself into the kitchen to brew himself yet another coffee. It was only his third cup of the day and he was going to need the caffeine boost if he was going to wait for Ellie to get back before starting dinner.

Just as he slumped himself down into the couch, a soft knock at the front door piqued his attention. He let out a deep sigh as Rufus appeared from seemingly nowhere and began yapping at the door. Could he not just have five minutes to himself?

Joel assumed the knocking was from his brother. Who else would it possibly be? He hadn't tried to barge into his home since the time he wanted to announce that Maria had gone into labour. Apparently having someone else answering the door in a precarious way did the trick. "Give me a second."

He once again dragged his tired body up off the couch, padding toward the entryway. Not only did he now have to answer the door but he also had to tackle the damn dog away from it to do so. 

"Get back..." He grumbled as he put his foot across the door to prevent the animal from running out of the house. Why couldn't have Ellie taken the damned thing with her?

He opened the door, an element of shock striking him at the sight of her apprehensive appearance, not that he allowed his stoic expression to show the slight hitch in his breathing. 

"Cute dog." The blonde spoke breaking the tense silence as she motioned toward the small pup that was desperately trying to slip through the gap of Joel’s leg and bound on up to her.

Joel gave her nothing. He stood phlegmatic, his jaw taut as his eyes bore into her as if to say 'what do you want'. His mood had only soured towards the woman with each passing day after their drunken rendezvous. She had days to find him, days to explain her actions but instead she choose to do a little disappearing act. Yet here she was, at his door with a sheepish demeanour.

He watched as she swallowed thickly. Her gaze dropping to the floor anxiously and then back up to him, her voice meek, "C-can we talk?"

Oh, now she wanted to talk. Of course she did when it was on her terms. He didn't respond straight away as his glare remained firm. She had pissed him off and he had told himself that he was done. He was in two minds on whether to shut the door in her face, just as she had pretty much done to him after shoving the barrel of a shot gun into his chest but he just couldn't do it. He couldn’t turn her away. Not when deep down, his heart wanted to hear what she had to say. A small flicker of dangerous hope igniting within his chest that this might be his only opportunity to fix this.

With an exasperated huff (one directed at himself more than her), he shifted to the side allowing her entry to his home. Ava promptly crouching down to give the new dog a rough scratch behind the ears before making her way into the living area with Joel following closely behind. 

“What’s his name?”

“Rufus…” He grumbled harshly, brushing past her.

He made his way back to his spot on the couch and slumped down. Her gingerly placing herself down on the armchair opposite him, fiddling with her hands nervously as she tried to find the words to start this.

Joel shrugged his shoulders abrasively, his tense gaze still firmly on her as she appeared to shrink before him. His tone gruff.  "What do you want?"

She glanced up at him, guilt radiating from her timid face whilst anxiously tapping her foot against the floor boards. "I wanted to apologise for the other night…"

"Which part?" 

The blonde looked back down to her hands, brows furrowing as her voice almost choked on the hard lump forming at the back of her throat. "All of it ...but mostly for walking away with out a word."

The older man snorted and shifted uncomfortably in his seat, “Thought you wanted me to stay away…”

Her focus falling vacantly to an empty spot of the couch. Not even she knew how to respond to that… 

"Do you regret what happened?" He went onto press after accepting the lack of response from his previous statement.

Ava couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye as she spoke. It was a question she had thought long and hard about. Whilst she initially felt disgusted with herself to start with, no. She didn't totally regret it, "Not completely…"

Joel scoffed as he shook his head. Not completely, what kind of response was that? "What do you want from me?"

The blonde glanced up to meet his gaze that hadn't once left her. A sudden boldness hitting her as she sucked in a sharp breath, "I have some questions and I want you to be honest with me."

He sat back comfortably, knees slightly spread with his head cocked slightly to the left as he anticipated her questions, "Okay...."

Ava's eyes shifted around the room before inhaling another deep breath and making direct eye contact. She had to hear the answer from him, not Tommy but him "Have you ever sexually assaulted or abused a woman?"

"Jesus Christ…" He started, shaking his head with his palm rubbing roughly over the stubble on his chin. He almost couldn't believe his ears. He'd always treated her with respect, always put her needs first. Did she actually think that little of him? "I had a goddamn daughter, Ava. I could never- I'm many things but I ain't no fuckin' rapist!"

She gave him a curt nod. His answer appearing genuine enough. She couldn't help but feel a slight pang of guilt vibrate through her at the sight of the visible hurt he now harboured within his eyes. A hurt caused by her question, a pain caused by her dark assumptions of him. He had always taken care of her when they were together, not once had he ever make her feel frightened or vulnerable when they were being intimate.

She cleared her throat and met his gaze once more. She was just as nervous for his answer to her next question , "D-do you still have feelings for me?"

Joel sat himself up before resting his elbows on his knees, a huff of air escaping his nostrils as he recomposed himself. Those weeks ago he wanted to tell her how he felt but she shut him down. The last couple of days he had tried to push those feelings away after she had walked away from him but no matter how much he tried to force them away, they were still there. It wasn't love, it was too soon for that but it was definitely something more than just lust. He could tell her 'no' but that would be a lie, a lie he may end up regretting. It was best to be honest. He nodded and swallowed thickly, the singular word falling from his lips causing his chest to clench. "Yes"

He watched as she almost looked relieved at his answer, as if it was the answer she had hoped for. He wanted to know the same, he had assumed that she hated him for all this time but after the other night he wasn't so sure. He wanted to understand. Both his voice and gaze softening on her, "What 'bout you? Do you still feel anythin'?"

Her lids fluttered shut as she exhaled a slow sigh. He so far had been open and honest with her. It was only right for her to be as well. He hadn't left her mind since she left him stood in that shop. Her voice barely above a whisper as she confessed. "I do, yes."

He gave her a weak but sad smile. They hadn't ever directly spoke about how they really felt about one another, even before their fight. Everything was shown by their affections and actions towards one another and recently their actions hadn't been all that pleasant. It felt good to get it in the open so it wasn't being left for interpretation. They both still had feelings for one another. There was still a chance of fixing their relationship.

She noticed the glimmer in his eye. The one that made her feel safe and wanted. The one she had missed oh so much... but there was still one more question she needed answering.

"I've missed you... more than I’m willing to admit to…" She started her voice still soft and timid, "but if we're going to do this, I need to know- is there anything else you're hiding from me?"

He hesitated, his body growing rigid. There was something. That one thing that he had only just managed to confide in Tommy about. 

She looked at him, a pleading twinkle in those deep umber eyes. 

Should he tell her the truth? Should he tell her about what really happened at the hospital on that fateful day? Was this worth the risk? He met her earnest gaze and the decision was taken out of his hands within a second. Fuck, he was going to tell her.

He took in a sharp breath of fresh oxygen and glanced down to his hands, very much like when he told his brother. He wanted this woman. She slipped though his toughened barriers and as much as hated it, he wanted her to stay there.  "I haven't been completely honest about what happened when I took Ellie to the hospital…"

Ava leant forward to show that she was listening intently. The fact he was avoiding eye contact didn't fill her with confidence. How bad could it be?

"When they ran their tests...they did find somethin’. Somethin’ that they thought could be a cure"

Ava's brows furrowed at his words. She reached a hand out and placed her palm gently onto his knee in an encouragement for him to continue.

"The only catch was that they would kill her in the process..." he trailed off. He lowered his voice further "I couldn't let them…"

The blonde snatched her hand from his knee, a sense of icy dread coursing chilled through her veins. Her voice hitching as she prepared for the worst, "Wh-what did you do?"

He looked up at her for the first time since he started talking. The guilty look in his eyes probably said everything she needed to know but he knew that she would want verbal confirmation. He could feel his chest tighten as he gulped back his apprehension, "They wouldn't let me see her. They had taken her down to start the surgery already. I... I killed 'em. Everyone I came across. The soldiers, the doctors... the nurses until I found her and then I saved her"

A tear rolled down Ava's cheek, her mouth a jar. Holy shit, this was a lot to take in and process. The man in front of her had single handily prevented a potential cure for the disease that had wiped out most of the human race and murdered everyone in his path in the process.

He closely observed her reaction. His blood running cold at the instant regret that had formed. Shit, this was a mistake. He should have just kept his mouth shut. Fuck, what if she now told Ellie? 

"Ellie doesn't know... she can't know. Please." He blurted out, eyes blown wide with panic.

She blinked her emotions back and sniffled "I'm sorry, I- I can't deal…" she inhaled a deep shaky breath "I think I need to go…"

Her body moved to stand, legs just about to straighten as Joel reached out, urgently grabbing her by the wrist, "You now know everythin'. I've told you what you wanted to know, I've told you how I feel…"

She looked down at the hand desperately clasping a hold on her wrist, preventing her from leaving. The tears still threatening to spill over her lash line. Just as she was thinking they could move forward, he drops this on her.

His panicked expression once again fell stoic, his trusted defence mechanism swallowing back any unguarded emotion as he spoke with a harsh calmness. A need for her to understand. "You said you still have feelin's for me. I need you to make a decision and stick to it. I'm too old to be playin' games. I'm not goin' to chase you, Ava…"

How dare he! Ava scoffed, "Games?! You just fucking told me that you slaughtered a hospital of people and prevented a fucking cure from being made!"

He closed his eyes. She had a point. It was a lot. It even took Tommy a good couple of hours of riding in silence before he said anything. He wasn't sure why he was expecting anything different from her.

She snatched her wrist back with a glare. His now absent touch still lingering warm on her skin. She shook her head and a small sniffle escaped, "I need to think…"

He opened his eyes and looked up to hers. He wanted to take it all back, rewind the last ten minutes to when it was just them confessing their feelings. That brief moment of mutual understanding and relief. 

She went to walk away but stopped short by the archway to the entryway, sparing him a glance over her shoulder, "Don't worry. I won't say anything to Ellie. That needs to come from you."

Chapter Text

A gentle breeze rustled through the green of the acreage of woodland that surrounded them. Joel wasn't opposed to being on patrol in the day time. Even going as far as to say that he almost enjoyed it. The fresh air and wilderness engulfing him as he leisurely rode through the summer scenery. It was less daunting in the daylight compared to his usual evening route. Over the weeks he had gradually picked up a few more shifts. It helped break the week up nicely and the serenity of the enveloping flora and fauna embraced a sense of solace. Yes, there may be the odd infected here and there but it was mostly quiet. He liked quiet.

The brothers rode side by side as they carefully scanned their surroundings for any potential threats. For a long while it was just the therapeutic padding of hooves thudding gently upon the dusty terrain that could be heard.

That was before a familiar shrill shriek echoed between the trunks in the not so far distance. Something had sensed their presence. The siblings ground their mounts to a halt and each took hold of their retrospective firearms. What sensed them would find it's way to them. There was no need to go searching. They just needed to bide their time and for it to show itself. 

It was only a matter of minutes before it did. A singular runner threw itself through the abundance of trees towards them, all limbs erratically flailing as it's grunts and croaks became frantic. The once human but now dead behind the eyes fixed its first target on Tommy, launching itself towards him in a fit of gargled hisses.

Of course Tommy was well prepared and a single but precise bullet to the brain neutralised the threat within an instant as it fell to the ground in a limp heap. Once just dead behind the eyes, now ridded from the earth entirely to rest peacefully in the afterlife. It was almost poetic. There was no tension or reaction whatsoever as both brothers nonchalantly watched the body hit the floor. An unfazed huff escaping the eldest brothers lungs as he slung his rifle back over his shoulder.

Joel jumped off his horse with a strained grunt, using the toe of his boot to kick the body onto its back, hands scaling its corpse to check if it still had anything of use. He searched its pockets and pulled a fix blade hunting knife which he quickly stashed in his rucksack before hauling himself back onto his ride, taking a second to readjust the saddle that had slipped with his weight before glancing back expectantly to his brother.

Tommy could sense his siblings awaiting eyes urging for them to make a move and yet he still found himself staring down at the body they would leave behind, particularly at the small circular bullet hole that had torn through its skull. ‘It’… She was a conscious human just like himself not all that long ago… maybe even as recent as hours ago… The body belonging to a young woman, possibly still in her twenties. Her strong human resemblance with a head full of chocolate hair and skin with still a tinge of pink indicating that her infection had only taken place very recently. What a waste of a precious life.

"It's always harder when they still look human…" He murmured solemnly as he took a moment to mourn the young woman’s life. His more empathetic nature coming into play as he considered the backstory of the events that must have lead to this. Was she alone? Did she have any loved ones to miss and mourn her loss? The fear she must have felt as the tendrils slowly mapped her body and took control of her humanity…

Joel took another sharp glance at the corpse, just a fleeting glimpse before emitting a quiet sigh to himself. He had become numb to it over the years, to him it was just another infected. He no longer saw it as human, especially when he didn't know the person before hand. He chose not to dwell on the story behind the being. It no longer mattered after all. They were gone long before Tommys bullet disabled its already decaying form. It’s humanity had died the moment it’s skin was perforated by another set of gnashing contaminated teeth.

He didn't respond to Tommy as he continued forward on their route, his brother eventually following soundlessly behind.

They reached their final check point and dismounted, loosely hitching their horses to a nearby tree trunk before entering the hide out- which was more of an old garden shed- to write their report.

Tommy clambered almost childishly towards the desk with an impish grin to his face as he reached for the blunted pencil next to the note book before his brother had the chance. His nimble fingers wrapping around the encased length of lead as he began to scribble down their log of events for the day.

“Fuckin’ kid…” Joel grumbled half amused as he glanced over his brothers shoulder to read his passage.

‘One runner spotted and shot down a mile south. Rest of area clear. Joel's still a miserable fuck. Nothing else to report.’

The older sibling raised an eyebrow at his younger brother with a bemused snort, "Dick."

Tommy chuckled to himself as he put the pencil back down after dating his note and took a swig from his flask. He slid the canteen back into the side pocket of his rucksack before sparing his brother a narrow eyed yet inquisitive look. He hadn't seen much of him since the event that was almost a week ago. He’d heard from Ellie that he’d apparently been in a permanent shitty mood since that night and Esther was all to quick to approach him the next day to subtly gripe at how there had been an instant shift in the air the moment Tommy walked away… how he became distracted, disinterested and quite frankly rude… Her left wondering if she had said something to upset him. Of course Tommy had put her mind at ease, assuring her that it was nothing she had said. It was Joel after all, social situations had never been his forte… there was a good chance that he had just lost interest at whatever she was babbling on about but Tommy was quick to spot Ava amongst the crowd as he retreated back to his wife that night, leaving Joel alone with Esther at the bar. Even facing away from him, he could feel his brothers burning glare shift from him to another area of the room… His suspicions confirmed a short while later as he caught sight of the blonde heading toward the exit in a rather skimpy dress with his sibling trailing after her at a safe but not totally discreet distance behind… His mind curious as to what went down after that point, concluding that what ever did happen is what had likely instigated his brothers surly temperament in the days to come.

"Esther said you left in a hurry the other night. Everythin' good?"

Caught off guard, Joel glanced up. A heat suddenly flushing his skin as he awkwardly scratched at the back of his neck, "Uhh, yeah…Jus’… somethin’ I had to tend to…"

The younger brother smirked with a snort before mocking his brothers shitty attempt at a cover up, "Pfft. ‘Somethin’ I had to tend to’… more like someone…I saw you follow her out, Y'know."

What had initially felt like a slight flush at the back of his neck soon turned red hot, mortified red creeping onto his cheeks at being caught out. God, he hoped that his brother didn't decide to follow them.

A sight that didn’t go unnoticed by Tommy. A shit eating grin forming across his cheeks as he bobbed his brows wittingly, “Don’t shit yourself, ain’t gonna pry for the details but did ya at least manage to speak with her? I thought you said it was over and done with?"

The older brother felt a slight bit of relief upon realising that Tommy must have stayed put in the basement of the cafeteria that night. His brother did not need to witness what happened after... 

Still, he didn't wish to discuss it any further. There was nothing more to really to say on the matter. They fucked and she left without a word immediately after. Even now, the day after she eventually turned up at his door with her list of stupid questions- ones he answered honestly, might he add- she still left once again in a royal piss as a result of their seemingly pointless chat. He was convinced that she wouldn't be back, not after the reaction to his most recent revelation. His tone sharp at the riling recollection. "It is over."

Tommy pursed his lips before speaking once more, "I've seen the way you look at her..."

"Tommy." Joel warned. He really didn't want to talk about it.

The younger brother nodded, accepting defeat on this occasion. He knew damn well that if he kept pushing,  it would only lead to an unneeded and heated argument. 

The pair left the hideout before remounting and making their journey home. Light chit chat continuing on as normal as they leisurely plodded back to their little town.

—————————————————————————

The brothers arrived back through the gates and lead their steeds back to the stable block before untacking and turning both horses out to graze. With the weather warm and the grass growing at an impressive rate, the horses were turned out on the plot of nature ground within the walls to prevent it from becoming overgrown.

Joel released his animals halter and took a precautionary step back as the chestnut mare, aptly named Red, turned on her heels and bolted away. "Off ya go my girl." 

He stood and watched with Tommy as the horses cantered off to a patch of grass to which they then settled to munch down on. Their course tails swishing and swatting away any approaching flies and mosquitoes.

The pair then turned, heading back toward the shop to return their weapons to their rightful place and officially sign back in, marking their safe return.

They entered the door and joined the back of the queue. Noting that the latest watch shift must have also just switched, explaining why it was so busy. Joel glanced up from the back of the line to catch sight of who was serving. Quietly pleading to the lords above that it would be Eddie or Jimmy or Pam. Anyone in fact other than…For fuck sake, it was her. Of course, it had to be her. The world finding any way possible to slowly taunt and torture him. He didn't want to deal with her judgment and stony looks, especially after a day out on patrol. That was hard enough yesterday.

The queue slowly started to dissipate, not that he really noticed. His eyes subconsciously focused on the counter- that counter as the gradually moved forward step by step. He was bought back to reality by his brothers harsh elbow being jabbed into his ribs. A sharp testing glare fired his siblings way before looking up, he hadn't even realised that they were next in line. His expression hard and stiff as their eyes met. He couldn’t help but notice the subtle flush to her cheeks and the way her throat clenched as her gaze traced where his focus had been ripped away from. She knew exactly what he had been distracted by. 

The atmosphere thickened tensely as they remained in an awkward silence. Joel eventually sniffing in an intake of air as he allowed his attention to lift to an invisible spot on the ceiling.

Tommy cleared his throat after glancing between the two curiously. Ultimately pursuing his earlier decision on not pushing his luck, "Jus' returning' these."

The brothers placed their firearms onto the counter for her to take as she replaced them with the usual tattered note pad before disappearing out back without a mutter of a word.

She returned just as they were finishing up their sign in. Her anxious stare searching over Joel’s impassive yet slight rigid stature as she apprehensively chewed on the inside of her cheek. She had thought about their conversation a lot, more so than the man had himself. The answer to each of her questions playing over and over in her mind as she tried to will herself to sleep. He wasn’t an abuser and he had actual, real, tangible feelings for her… no man had ever admitted those to her before… it was new… and nice…but the crimes he had committed, the lives he had taken, the cure he had so brutally prevented? How could he condemn the world in such a way… when there was a possible way out? Her mind eventually calming just enough to allow the image of that scared little girl to slip through. Ellie. That child that he clearly loved so dearly… so much so that he would jeopardise a cure to protect her life. An innocent little girls life… Her brain eventually becoming rational enough to put herself into his shoes. Even within the small amount of time she’d known Ellie, would she have knowingly been able to hand the child over to her imminent death? Suddenly Joel was no longer the man who doomed humanities future but rather the man who would go to the ends of the earth to protect the ones he loved. The man who is the sole reason that Ellie is alive and breathing… The man who searched the continent on foot to ensure his brothers safety… A man that  could perhaps one day love her troubled soul right if she only allowed him to?

Just as the brothers were about to turn and leave, she reached over the counter and gingerly placed her hand over his forearm, "Wait…"

Joels focus cautiously trailing down to her touch, her delicate fingers gently gripping around his tricep sending a comforting shiver through him before then shifting up to meet her apologetic gaze. Her hand didn't move from him. She had that same pleading look on her face as she did the previous day when she wanted the truth from him. He pursed his lips with a furrowed brow before then glancing over to his brother who quickly took the hint and carried on without him.

She waited until the shop was empty so that it was just the two of them in the room before she started to speak, "I've been thinking about yesterday... and what you said…"

His jaw clenched as he met her gaze. He too quickly glancing around to check for any listening ears. Her touch retreating away from him as her arm nervously settled back at her side.

Ava continued timidly, her usual bold demeanour reducing down to something that was somewhat reserved. "I was upset… at first… but then I tried to put myself in your shoes. I…um, I thought back to the night when Ellie had that nightmare.” She paused to take a much needed breath, to push down the emotion that night had bestowed upon both girls as she opened up. “She was so scared, so innocent... I-I don't think I could have let them kill her either... so I think- No, wait- I know…I understand why you did what you did…"

Joel nodded solemnly at her words, swallowing thickly before he managed to form a sturdy response, "When you travel across the country with someone, been there for each other day after day. You can't just give that up. Y'know, that kid saved me just as much as I saved her… maybe even more…"

The blonde nodded delicately in agreement. Her hand reaching back out across the counter, palm sliding over the surface before placing it on top of his own hand, her fingers carefully slipping in between his. She spoke gently "I know I’ve been… well… I’ve been nothing short of a bitch…”

An agreeing snort huffed from his nostrils, tugging an apologetic grimace onto her lips, “and I’m sorry…You’re not a bad person… and you didn’t deserve all of… that…”

There was a beat of solemn silence before her brows furrowed and she sucked in a lungful of air. Her gaze suddenly shifting to something much more intense yet bashful, “You asked me to make a decision...and I know what I want…"

He met those enchanting doe eyes glistening up him, the ones that captivated him from the second he first allowed himself to stare into them. Why did he feel so nervous all of a sudden? Was it because this was either make or break? He had told her to make a decision and stick with it. What if he didn’t actually want her to stick to it? He swallowed thickly as he waited anxiously for her to continue.

She offered him a small anxious smile as she squeezed his hand, "I want you…"

His face softened at her words, the lines across his forehead smoothing out as he processed the words she spoke, the words he had prayed that she would say. He glanced down again at her warming touch, a touch he yearned for from the moment she left. He inhaled a sharp breath. He needed to be sure. He needed her to be sure. "Is that what you want?"

She ran her fingers over his knuckles before nudging his hand so she could intertwine her fingers with his. The slightly calloused pad of his thumb grazing affectionately over the soft skin of the back of her hand. He looked back up to her, the saccharine smile still present on her face.

She nodded sweetly, "If you still want me, that is?"

If he still wanted her? What a ridiculous comment. She'd been the only thing that had been on his mind for weeks, no matter how hard he tried to forget. It was kind of funny at how easily his mind was taken over by the normalcy of infatuation when he removed the need for survival and threat of danger from the equation. Of course he still wanted her.

A small chuckle rumbled through his chest as he continued to gently massage his thumb over her hand, "Darlin', I don’t think I can stop myself from wantin’ you… got me all fucked up…"

The second part of his response almost mumbled coyly.

The smile grew widely across her face as her eyes brightened gleefully. She still quietly loved it when he called her that, "Well… I guess that makes two of us…How about dinner tomorrow night?"

"I'd like that."

Chapter Text

Ava stood busy over the hob, wooden spatula in hand stirring away the red wine sauce that she had concocted. She reached for the bottle of Merlot that resided open on the cluttered counter beside her and carefully poured a few more millilitres into the pan, keeping a close eye on the smooth liquid as it slowly thickened to a syrup like consistency. The rich meaty aroma of the beef slowly roasting away in the oven pleasantly filling the kitchen. 

She could sense Joel's presence lingering by the doorway, watching her from a safe distance as she resumed her usual role from whenever she had previously visited- preparing dinner. It had become almost like a weird sixth sense, being able to anticipate his presence within her proximity. Even at the party those weeks ago, she knew he was there from the moment he had stepped through the door.

"Mm, c'mere." She called out to him as she continued to carefully swirl the steadily thickening liquid around the pan.

Joel had managed to arrange for Ellie to be out of the house for the evening- god bless her making friends, allowing the couple to discreetly reconnect without being interrupted by listening ears and a big mouth.

He approached the blonde from behind, his large palms coming down to rest over her hips as he watched her prepare their dinner from over her shoulder. He pecked a gentle kiss on her shoulder, allowing his lips to linger over the spot as his gaze focused on the meal being cooked by her relatively skilled hand. A small but genuine smile tugging onto her own lips at the small endearing action.

"I managed to get the video player workin’ again so we can put a movie on later?" He spoke, arms steadily wrapping around her front as she continued to work.

He hadn't really used it since their falling out. Movie nights were something they always did with Ava. It just didn't feel right without her there. 

When he tried to get it to turn on the previous evening, the screen just buzzed with static leading Ellie to cover her ears from the god awful sound and run out of the room like an insect that was about to be sprayed with repellent. Thankfully, he troubleshooted the piece of technology down to a loose wire that just needed tightening and a bit of reinforcement, which he corrected whilst Ava initially started preparing the food.

Ava allowed her head to roll back against his chest, a contented sigh expelling from her lungs as his warmth enveloped her frame. She really hadn't realised just how much she had missed his presence, the instant relief she found whenever he’d wrap is arms around her and hold her close.

She dunked the spatula into the pan, collecting a small amount of the sauce on its surface before holding it up toward his mouth for him to taste, "Try some."

He gladly reciprocated her offer by sampling the dressing. The richness of the wine tingling his tastebuds alongside the saltiness of the beef stock, "Mhm, tastes good."

The back of her head remained rested against his chest as he nuzzled into the crook of her neck, another kiss lightly brushing against her warm skin. A instant heat beginning to pool into her stomach as she swallowed thickly and attempted to focus on the task at hand. "I wasn't sure if I had used enough butter…" 

Joel pulled away from her throat as he continued to eye up the pan bubbling away, his hand retreating back slightly to provide a reassuring squeeze to her waist. "No, it's good. Keep it as it is." 

His broad form only engulfing her more as he reached over her, dragging his index finger over the heated surface of the sauce before sucking the collected contents between his lips, eager for another taste.

Ava lightly batted his hand away, gasping in mock horror, "Hey, fingers off! It's not ready… Jeez, weren’t you meant to have been raised with Southern manners or something?"

His deep chuckle vibrated through his chest as he swayed her in his embrace, "Eh, those died when civilisation went to shit. I've not eaten all day, I'm jus' hungry." He paused for a moment, a slight coyness beginning to tug hopefully at the corner of his mouth before nuzzling back into the space between shoulder and neck leaving a languid and definitely more suggestive kiss than before, his low tone of voice darkening significantly as he grinned against her. "Maybe we could have starters whilst this is cookin’?"

The blonde smirked whilst tilting her head to the side as she provoked him with better access to her throat, his lips working more hungrily as she played into his desires. She twisted around within his grip, capturing his mouth with her own as he lifted his face from her collar bone, taking her time to take him in and ensuring to lead him on. Of course he took advantage of the opportunity, pressing his body into hers, once again caging her back into the counter as he attempted to slip his tongue through her lips and deepen the kiss. One palm trailing down over her curves and flexing around the back of her thigh before gripping at the supple flesh beneath her ass cheek.

She giggled against his lips and hummed "Mmm, I don't think taking me against this counter would be very hygienic…" clicking the ‘c’ with her tongue as she gazed at him beneath hooded eyes, a subtle smugness to her expression.

Their lips still just millimetres apart, her breath still warmly fanning his bottom lip as he responded. His voice deep and gravelly as he reached behind her swivelling the dial of the hobb off before settling his hands back onto the swell of her behind, "Let's move somewhere else then…"

She rubbed her nose against his with a menacing smirk and a final tender kiss to his mouth before proceeding to let him down, the act of taunting him to an uncomfortable point never ceasing to amuse her. She knew she’d receive his payback later, in fact she was banking on it. Riling him up just to see what she’d eventually get in return. A dangerous game to play but one she enjoyed nonetheless. The blonde spoke softly, almost innocently if it wasn’t for the dirty grin creeping across her cheeks giving her motive away, "You're distracting me. You don't want burnt beef, do you? Especially if you're that hungry."

He tilted forward to catch her lips once more, a last ditch attempt to continue on with what was started. An attempt to which she shifted her face back slightly, her lips still seductively parted, preventing them from connecting. With a mischievous smile and raised eyebrows she shoved a pair of oven gloves into his chest, "If you'd care to help, you can take the joint of beef out of the oven…"

Joel groaned to himself as he adjusted the discomfort within his pants and took ahold of the gloves, edging towards the oven. He flicked one last flustered glance over his shoulder with a unserious shake of the head and a tsk, "You're a tease, y'know that?"

The blonde smiled over at him smugly, giving him a playful wink as she set two ceramic dishes out onto the counter top, "You're just impatient."

—————————————————————————

The pair sat down and consumed their meal alongside a glass of the remaining merlot. Joel had to admit that it was the best damn meal he'd had in a long time. Although he and Ellie had attempted to make at least a few homemade dishes over the past few weeks, it just wasn’t the same. He'd grown used to her culinary skills within his kitchen and had definitely missed her cooking.

The couple moved the used food covered cutlery and dishes over into the sink to begin cleaning up. Ava taking on the task of  washing up, convinced that she did a more thorough job than he did, leaving Joel with a tea towel to do the drying. They worked together as a team, completing the task in no time at all. It was surprising at how easy it was for them to fall back into step, navigating around one another as if they’d had this routine nailed down for a lifetime beforehand.

As the blonde carefully scrubbed the last pot, Joel glanced down at the now damp towel in his hands and then over to the woman next to him. A mischievous smirk of his own crossing his expression as he took the towel and twisted it tightly, an end held in each hand.

She was completely oblivious, mind consumed by the dried crusted sauce in the pan that she was desperately trying to scrub off as he playfully whipped the moistened material against her behind with a loud crack. She gasped back at the sting it left behind, a pitched squee escaping her upon impact as she dropped the pot back into the water and immediately spun around to face him, "You dick!"

She acted quickly as she stealthily snatched the towel from his grasps. A smug grin presenting itself over her lips, one more menacing than the seductive smirk from earlier as she dowsed the item fully within the washing up water, completely soaking it before wringing the excess water out, "You're gonna regret doing that."

Joel couldn't help but snicker as she attempted to swat him back but ultimately missing as he calculated her every move and stepped away from its incoming path. Oh but she was determined to get her revenge. She continued to fling the towel at him aimlessly whilst in a fit of her own giggles, missing him each time. The soggy towel slapped across the counter in another poorly aimed hit, her flinching back as a fork was sent flying onto the floor with a clunk and a chime.

"You're pretty shit at this." He chuckled with a faux unimpressed expression whilst crouching down to obtain the fallen utensil, silently appreciating that it wasn’t a glass or plate that met the materials wrath.

The pretty blonde tried one last time, almost catching him across the arm as he straightened back up but he was too quick, grabbing the towel and pulling her into his chest. He pinned her there to him with one arm firmly wrapped across her chest, intercepting her movements whilst he disarmed her with the other.

"Better luck next time darlin'." He jested, placing a kiss against her temple as he continued to hold her, his grip softening to embrace the feel of her chest rising and falling against his palm.

Ava rolled her eyes, as she leant into what was now an embrace. She let out a defeated sigh as she relished in the giddy sensation of his arms wrapped around her. "Well, I can't be good at everything…"

—————————————————————————

The couple eventually resided to the living area. Joel slumping himself back into the brown tattered armchair whilst Ava sorted out the movie.

She joined him a short moment after, once content that the movie would actually play. She wanted to be close to him, she wanted the security of his touch that she had been missing. Out of respect she gingerly went to take a seat on the couch beside him, his fingers pinching at the flesh of her thigh as she walked past. A disapproving scowl forming over his brow was as good an indication as any that he hadn’t meant for her to sit separately from him. An almost timid smile crossed her lips as she sat her self down across his lap, his hands immediately moving around her frame to support her. One hand having a light grip on the outside of her thigh whilst the other wrapped around her back. It was almost funny how her body instantly and subconsciously mellowed into his hold. She placed a gentle peck upon his cheek before resting her head into the crook of his neck.

Joel looked down at her softly, her demeanour peaceful as she nuzzled into him with a small contented smile on her lips. So damn beautiful, he thought to himself as he traced circles on her back gently with the pad of his thumb. This was the Ava he started experiencing stirrings for… Captivating, sweet and playful. He couldn't take his eyes off of her, neither could he shake the fluttering sensation that formed in his chest as he studied her. It felt strange to him, to have these alien feelings at his age or even to have them at all. It was twenty years of utter numbness until he met Ellie and each day from that point the kid allowed him to became more and more receptive to his emotions, so much so that he now found himself almost comfortably falling for the woman in his arms.

He hadn't actually paid much attention to the film on the screen until she spoke, her voice all  nostalgic and blissfully airy, "This was always my favourite movie growing up"

Joel glanced up at the screen, thanks to Sarah he instantly recognised the scene as belonging to "Dirty Dancing". It suddenly occurred to him that the movies she had previously brought around were always of sci-fi genre… something that must have been for the sole benefit of Ellie since this was the first time the teen hadn’t been included in on their movie night. He thought it was sweet how she had taken the teen under her wing so quickly after them arriving, despite the one time she got the kid drunk. 

Ava continued to ramble on with. A slight giggle, bringing his attention back to her, "I used to have the biggest crush on Patrick Swayze."

He arched a brow at her, "The guy is old enough to be your dad."

The blonde scoffed whilst mimicking his expression, "Oh and you're not?"

His brow furrowed, that was a fair point. Once he initially got past it, he’d often forget about their relatively substantial age gap. Although, he'd argue that it wasn't that common for seventeen year olds to be having kids…Although his own past didn’t help his case on that one since the woman currently in his arms was actually a couple of months younger than his late daughter… The realisation triggering him to remind himself that Sarah was forever a twelve year old in his mind and Ava was most certainly not.

She smirked at his expression before then nuzzling back into him, "I guess I've always had a thing for older guys…Mads says that I’ve got daddy issues…" 

Joel snorted as he lightly flicked at her shoulder, “Don’t start with that shit.”

“Wasn’t gonna.” She grinned coyly. A new way to antagonise him noted safely within her mind for a rainy day. Ava paused for a second before firing the question back at him, "Go on, who was your celebrity crush?"

He chuckled once he realised that actually, his had also been over fifteen years his senior, "Michelle Pfeiffer."

An agreeable nod given in response. “Yeah… She’s hot…”

The couple fell into a comfortable silence as the movie continued to roll. Neither were particularly watching what was on the screen. It became background noise as both were in their own little world taking comfort in the fact that they were once again in each others arms.

Ava loosely fiddled with the collar of his flannel, lost in her thoughts as she laid rested against him. She had enjoyed their evening, she really had. It was as if they'd never fallen out, with the laughing, affections and winding each other up but that was the thing that bothered her…it hadn't been brought up at all. It was as if nothing had happened and whilst that perhaps was a good thing, the over thinker in her couldn't help but worry that deep down he was harbouring ill feelings towards her due to how she had acted toward him… She wouldn’t blame him, not really. She needed reassurance that they were in fact okay.

Her voice was small as she gingerly approached the subject, "Are we good?"

Joel looked down at her, meeting her gaze. He studied her facial expression before his own face fell in a serious way, "No."

He continued to watch her reaction. As her face started to falter a smirk played it's way onto his lips. The hand that he had rested on her thigh moved up to cup her cheek as he leant forward, leaving a soft, gentle kiss against her lips. The kiss lingering tenderly for just a couple of seconds before he slowly pulled away. He swore that he could never tire from kissing those sweet lips of hers. For those couple of seconds it felt like the world froze around them, that it was just the two of them and nothing else mattered. His expression much warmer than it was before, "Now we're good."

She smirked back at him. That was good enough reassurance to put her mind at ease, even if he had to be an asshole about it first and make her almost squirm with worry. 

She snuggled back into him, her eyes beginning to feel heavy from the glasses of wine consumed throughout the evening. She continued to fiddle with the fabric of his shirt as he gently and innocently massaged the outer side of her thigh. God, she wished that they could stay like this forever. Just them, in their own little impenetrable bubble.

"I want to know more about you…" She eventually and quietly murmured, preventing herself from dozing off. "Tell me something?"

They'd already dared to share some of the most deepest and darkest parts of their pasts with one another other but outside of the traumatic experiences that had shaped the people they were today, little had been shared about the before or even the small things that didn’t really matter but were intimate nonetheless. There was still so much to discover and learn.

He raised his brow at her. He was never good at this sort of thing but he guessed that if he wanted to secure a place in her heart, he'd have to open up. She already knew the worst of him, he guessed there wasn't any harm in her knowing the good and whatever came in between. He had nothing to hide from her anymore, "What d’you want to know?"

The blonde moved her head back, now resting against his shoulder so she could look up at him. A loving smile spread across her face along with a curious sparkle in her eye, "I want to know everything."

He snorted at her response as he lightly squeezed her shoulder. If he was being honest, the way she was gazing up at him with that gorgeous sleepy smile had made him forget just about everything about himself.

The smile grew on her face as she watched him struggle to come up with anything. She decided to help him out with one of the many curiosities she had, "You've spoken a few times about your daughter but you've never mentioned her mother..." 

He looked down at her as he chewed the inside of his cheek with his brow furrowed. The topic a little bit deeper than he had anticipated discussing.

The blonde quickly noticed his change in expression, how his jaw clenched and his muscles stuffed around. She quickly interjected, backing down from her question that perhaps was still a little to premature, "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to…"

Joel let out a conflicted sigh as he adjusted her slightly on his lap to a more comfortable position, pulling her body in slightly closer as he took another sharp breath, "No, it's okay." 

"There was no big love story or anythin’ like that…" he started "I was sixteen at the time... jus' a dumb kid. I thought I was fuckin' invincible at that age, not stoppin' to think 'bout the consequences of actions... Louise was a friend of a friend and we were both at this mutual friends house party. I'd never even met her before but we got chattin' and after one too many drinks we ended up hookin' up."

He paused for a breath, noticing how intently Ava was listening to him. "Anyway, after that night we went our separate ways and thought nothin’ more of it. Cut to three months later and she's knockin' at my door sayin' she's pregnant. Had never been more scared in my life… My mom was fumin'."

Ava widened her eyes and let out a bemused snicker, "I'm not surprised, jeez."

Joel grimaced before continuing his story, "But her parents, they were livid. They were the proper religious type talkin' bout how we bought shame to our families and shit. So I did what I thought was right... which was a shotgun marriage. So yeah we married, got a small place and Sarah was born a few months after. We were both just seventeen at that point and completely alone... As it turns out, me and Louise, well we didn't get along all too well to put it lightly. We tried to stick it out for the sake of Sarah, to also avoid any more judgement than we were already gettin’ and we did that for a few years. I was working long hours to try and provide for my family, pickin’ up any jobs I could. Louise had a part time job as well to help out. And then one day I had a call... No one had come to collect Sarah from day care."

He stopped for a few seconds as he swallowed thickly. The memory all of a sudden feeling rather raw. That his little girl wasn’t only failed by him but also her own mother at such a tender age, "Of course, I left straight away to pick her up. When we got home, all of Louise's stuff was cleared out. All that was left was a note saying 'sorry'. Never heard or saw her in person again after. A few months after the divorce papers came through in the post. Apparently, her parents moved outta state and she went with them. Without a word, jus' abandoned her own kid…"

Ava remained silent and shook her head, her face knitting at the thought, "I'm sorry, that- that's pretty shit…"

Joel pursed his lips. He never loved the woman but his daughter did and he could never work out how a mother could do that to her own child, "It was shit but it was for the best, I think. I made sure my lil girl was loved and provided for. She didn't need someone like that in her life."

Ava smiled at him empathetically, she could imagine him being a great father. Fun, caring but equally as protective. How he looked after Ellie only went to prove that, "so the long term partner you mentioned before, I take it that was someone else?"

He froze as his jaw tensed, this time a little more vigorously at the mere mention of Tess. That was enough openness for one day. He wasn't quite ready to talk about that part of his life, not yet. It still felt too soon, too raw. He calmly shook his head, "Yeah, someone different…but not today."

The blonde gave him a tight nod, respecting his decision. It wasn’t like she had given him every detail about her life, choosing to keep specific parts private but it comforted her to know that he felt comfortable enough to share that little snippet with her. 

His expression softened as he tucked a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear. Perhaps one day she could become his safe place, where he could share all his thoughts and concerns but that would only come with trust and time. "And what about you? It's your turn to tell me somethin’."

She pondered for a few seconds, "Well I don't have anything as juicy as a one night stand resulting in a kid."

A chuckle escaped his lips as he continued to run his fingers through her locks, "It don't have to be somethin’ deep. Just somethin' small, like, I dunno, what's your favourite colour?"

She gave a small smile, "Yellow."

"And why's that?" His voice almost soothing as he continued to stroke her.

Her face warmed as she responded "It’s just a really positive colour don’t you think? Yellow is the colour of the sunshine, of hope and happiness. It stands for everything I want to be. We need more yellow in this world."

He pressed his lips against her forehead. Such a simple question that gave him so much insight of what her soul was- pure. She really was a beautiful human, just as much so on the outside as she was on the inside. Even despite all of the atrocities that had happened to her, she still looked for hope and goodness. Something he found himself quite envious of.

The couple remained on the armchair blissfully chatting and joking as the night became later. It wasn't long before Ava had dozed off in his arms, her face snuggled in under his chin. 

Despite his earlier attempts and desires of wanting more, what he had right there, right then, just the two of them at peace holding one another close…that was enough. Having her asleep in the security of his arms was enough. He placed one last kiss amongst her hair before gradually dozing off himself.

—————————————————————————

Ellie eventually made her way home with Rufus in tow. Joel hadn't told her the reasons why he wanted the house to himself. She had assumed that he was just sick of her and wanted some time to his self, which she could understand. There were times were she found herself sick to death of him.

She peered around the doorway of the living room about to call out to him before noticing him passed out in the armchair with Ava cuddled up against him, sound asleep also.

The teenager smiled to herself as she disappeared and crept up the stairs. The sight warming her heart. Against what he thought, Ellie believed that Joel deserved someone special in his life and despite their differences over the past few weeks, she thought that him and Ava were always a good match. He grounded her and she lifted him up, they balanced each other perfectly.

Chapter Text

Ava danced barefoot around the kitchen carefree as she prepared breakfast dressed in nothing but one of his shirts- a pretty sight for him to amusedly ogle at from his spot at the dining table. It had become a common occurrence for her to now stay over on a night. It seemed that she spent more time at Joel's than she did at her own place, not that he minded in the slightest. It was nice to wake up on a morning to the warmth of a woman's body moulded to his own, a luxury that he hadn't even considered as something he missed until spending that first night with her. A luxury that now felt like more of a necessity.

Much to Joel's dismay, the tunes that she had been prancing around to all morning were by those pesky Swedes. A band that he hoped would have been left behind and forgotten was about in the 'before'. ABBAs greatest hits, which had been blearing from the stereo since around seven thirty that morning. Damn them and their stupid upbeat and unbearably catchy music.

Ava reached her palm out in an attempt to get him up to dance with her, a grin to her chops and fingers wiggling to beckon him over. He responded with an incredulous look as he took another sip of his coffee, "Not a chance."

"C'mon!" She whined with a pout as she tugged at his arm. 

He stood his ground. She may have emerged from their early morning extremities with additional energy where her only requirements were to play the role of a pretty pillow princess whilst goading him on with an array of filthy words and sinful noises. The same sure as hell couldn’t be said about him, his back still twinging ever so slightly. "No."

The blonde let out a dramatic sigh as she rolled her eyes and boogied back to the stove where she cracked three eggs into the pan. She began to softly sing along as she swayed to the music,

"You can dance. You can jive, having the time of your life. Ooh, see that girl. Watch that scene. Digging the dancing queen..."

Joel couldn't help but watch her with a warm smile. He loved hearing her sing, the soft melodic tones she produced soothing to his ears… even if she was singing along to songs by them. He'd often hear her singing away to herself in the shower which he thought was cute, it commonly resulting in him going about his business in the bedroom with a stupid smile to his face.

She had very quickly become the 'yellow' in his life that he so desperately needed. A warm and sunny presence that had ignited a consistent flickering flame in his otherwise cold heart. He hoped that he could bring something to her life that she was lacking. 

He hadn't realised that he already had done just that. He made her feel safe and wanted- not just desired, that's all she could ever ask of him.

Shortly after, heavy footsteps could be heard padding their way down the stairs, the bottom step creaking as she thumped down onto the floor boards in the entryway. A rather hungover Ellie emerging from within the hallway rocking some serious bedhead, disheveled tendrils of hair sticking out in all directions and prominent dark circles around her eyes.

She had been out with Cat all evening, supposedly at the movies but then arrived home late- way past the agreed curfew and much after the last showing in the make shift theatre and also very drunk, paralytic even. Her intoxicated state earning her a hard lecture from her guardian as she emptied her stomach contents onto the entry way floor the moment she stepped inside. Joel had begun to worry that perhaps Cat wasn't the best influence on her...

"Ugh, I'm dying!" She groaned loudly as she trudged into the kitchen and slumped down into one of the chairs.

Joel responded sternly, his arms crossed over his chest as he leant back in his seat whilst looking down at the sorry state of the teen. "Your own damn fault. Ain’t gettin’ no sympathy from me."

The teen slammed her eyes before collapsing her face down onto the table with a pained grunt. Were hangovers always this excruciating? 

"I want what ever she's had this morning…" She mumbled, forcing her head up just enough to bob her brows over to the ever so perky blonde that remained dancing and singing in her own little world.

Joel almost spat his coffee out as the two adults shared a knowing look. His expression appearing slightly more disturbed compared to hers that was clearly amused by the remark. You could say that the couples rather pleasurable start to the day may have contributed heavily towards her spectacularly good mood. 

Ava chuckled awkwardly as she served the plate of eggs in front of the teen, turning her attention to Joel with a tantalising wink, "No you don't, sweet."

Ellie glanced between the two, the way the man shot the blonde a look that read clearly as 'really?!' didn’t go unnoticed for a second. It didn't take the kid long to cotton onto what she meant, "Ew. For fuck sake, man. I’m tryna eat! I didn't not need to know that!"

Ava just shrugged in a nonchalant manner with a taunting smirk slapped across her cheeks as she joined them both at the table.

Of course, Ellie saw this as a pristine moment to get a rise out of Joel who was already beginning to get flustered by the conversation, his face slowly but surely heating up as he set his focus on anything but the two woman in his kitchen. Barely being able to keep a straight face, the teen made her jab, "Y'know Ava...You were so much cooler before you let Joel stick his dick in you…"

Ava immediately choked on her mouthful of food, spluttering slightly before regaining her composure. She expected the kid to retort with something crude but she didn't expect it to be quite as explicit as that.

Joel glared at the kid, his eyes and sharp tone giving her a stark warning to pack it in. "Ellie!"

The blonde swallowed her mouthful choosing to not give Ellie the reaction she'd hoped for, not backing down and falling victim of her attempts of riling, although she could see Joel already dying on the inside without her own further input to the highly inappropriate turn of the conversation.  "Yeah well, a woman has needs…Anyway… pfft, ‘before’ you don’t even know when he first did."

“Jesus Christ…” He groaned, his face falling mortified into his hands.

“Oh I can make an educated guess…you’re sudden and rapid decline in coolness was a clear indicator.” Ellie screwed her face up in disgust. Her desire to continue taunting the adults all of a sudden diminishing upon realising that the blonde had the same end girl as herself- making one another as uncomfortable as possible. A game the blonde was clearly adamant on obtaining the upper hand of.

Joel quickly interjected to try and bring the conversation back to being PG, "Thought you were happy that we were together?"

The teenager raised her brows at him, giving him that attitude filled Ellie look of hers, "I am. I just don't need to know what you dirty fuckers are doing when I'm not around… Especially first thing in the morning when I can already barely keep my breakfast down…"

He kissed his teeth at his failed attempt of mediation. Perhaps it was easier to just shut the whole discussion of their relationship down, "Okay, I'm putting an end to this conversation. Now."

Ellie smirked noticing how red he had gone, the heat almost visibly radiating off of his cheeks before digging into her own breakfast.

The trio ate in silence for a while before Ellie quipped a rather unexpected question.

"Joel?" She asked. She waited until he acknowledged her voice before continuing, "Can you remember that really old couple who made us soup?"

His brows furrowed as he recalled the small cabin from a couple of miles East. Where was she going with this? "Yeah..."

The teen tilted her head slightly, eyes focusing on the leftovers that she shoved around her plate with a fork. "Do you ever think about them?"

He looked up at her. He could sense where this was now going. Something he wasn’t even going to contemplate. He responded firmly and maybe a little to quickly. Another conversation he hastily put a stop to. "No."

Ava watched the interaction and noticed how quickly Joel shut the blossoming discussion down and how Ellie then seemed to hold back. She didn't know who this old couple were, Joel hadn't mentioned them but obviously something was on the kids mind.

She sighed as she looked at Joel with a slam of the eyes. Why was he like this? She then directed her attention to Ellie and decided to pick the conversation back up, "Why, what's on your mind?"

Ellie shrugged, "It's just that they were so old- Like I'm talking prehistoric old, not Joel old."

An incredulously unamused glare shot her way as Joel shook his head in discontent. Ava couldn't help but let out a slight giggle. The blonde had to give to the kid, she was funny.

The teen continued with her point, dropping the fork down onto the ceramic dish with a clang now that she had a listening pair of years, "but I've been thinking because they are so old, they're probably struggling out there all alone. It seems unfair that we have all of this here and it's not like their cabin is that far away. I was just thinking that maybe we could convince them to move to Jackson?"

Again quick to the offence, Joel made his thoughts on the suggestion clear with his usual and abrupt one worded answer, "No."

"But they're so old. Like, what if the guy can't hunt anymore? They'll just die…" Ellie argued.

He shrugged stubbornly once again standing his ground on the subject, "As you said, they’re old. Old people die. That's just life."

Ava turned to face him, with an eyebrow raised and her arms folding. She had to take the girls side on this one. There was absolutely no reason why the community couldn’t open their arms to an additional couple of people that were in need, especially if it would prolong their lives. They had all of the resources necessary, "they don't have to die though, Joel. That’s a real shitty way of looking at the world Y’know…"

Joel sighed deeply but before he had chance to speak another word, his blonde companion had already started on her rant.

"So what you're saying is that in about twenty years time, when you're an old, decrepit fossil of a man, I should just leave you to fend for yourself and let you starve to death?"

He rolled his eyes. It wasn't quite the same scenario but he was touched that she had planned on staying with him for that amount of time. Nevertheless, he had a feeling he wasn't about to win this argument. “Ave…”

“Huh. Yeah. I didn’t think so.” She retorted with a smugness to her tone.

—————————————————————

2 and a half hours later...

Joel reached down and took hold of Ava's hand as he pulled her up to join him on the back of his horse.

"I can't believe you're makin’ me do this… on my fuckin’ day off as well…" He complained. As he expected, he hadn't won that argument. Not in the slightest. Now he was spending his only day off that week having to trek through the forest to find this bloody old couple that he had only met once to try and encourage them to move to Jackson. Gone were his plans of lounging on the couch whilst he carved out his latest sculpture followed up with the gentle strumming of his guitar…

Ava patted his back with a grin as she settled behind him, "It's nice to be nice, Joel. Should try it some time…"

He shook his head as she wrapped her arms around his waist, glancing back at her out of the corner of his eye with yet another defeated sigh. "You're goin' to be the death of me, woman."

She chuckled lightly as she rested her head against his back and gave him a light squeeze. “So dramatic…” With a gentle nudge the pair then set off on their journey.

"Can you show me the map?" Joel asked after around two hours of ambling through the forest. Each acre passed looking identical to the last, giving them no real sense of their ultimate whereabouts.

Ava fished the map out from her pocket and opened it up in front of him so he could see whilst still having control over the horse.

He looked up from the map and narrowed his eyes as he looked into the distance. It all looked so different when they weren't knee deep in snow. "Should be another couple of hours in this direction…" 

They plodded along for another few minutes before Joel could sense Ava wanting to say something as she rested against him, "What?"

She adjusted herself so that her chin rested on his shoulder, "Tell me...Fact or question?"

Since they spent that one evening reconnecting, 'tell me' had become quite an important interaction between them. The deal was that if one of them said 'tell me', the other would either have to give a fact or story about themselves that the other did not know or they would have to answer a question. Quite often, they gave each other the choice. It was their little way of getting to know one another better without imposing too much too quickly.

Joel chewed on the inside of his cheek whilst making his decision, "depends on your question…"

The blonde kept her eyes on him, them narrowing as she tried to guess his truth.  "You were married once before. Is it something you would consider again?"

He responded instantly with a snort and a smirk, quipping back a teasing remark whilst attempting to avoid any real response to that particular question. "I ain't marryin' you, darlin'."

"Don't flatter yourself, that wasn't a proposal. I'm just curious." She jeered back with a pretentiousness to her tone.

The man sighed. He didn't need to think about the answer, he had already made a firm decision on that many years ago, "No. I don't see the point in marriage. It don't mean shit, especially now."

Ava pondered his response before sharing her opinion, "I guess it depends on how you look at it…"

"What do you mean?" He asked.

The blonde continued as she rested the side of her face back against his spine, "Well obviously the legal stances don't mean a thing today but... If you really love someone, I guess that marriage could be seen as a token of your commitment to that other person and I think that's a nice sentiment… especially now."

He thought about her answer for a fleeting moment, "Huh."

That was all he could come up with. He never married out of love, he did it for duty and it ended up backfiring on him and so from that point onward he swore to not waste the time and money in marrying again. The whole idea just never really made sense to him… His divorce was expensive and messy- why would he put himself into that position again… He hadn't ever really thought about it in the way Ava expressed, not since he was a child anyway; marrying out of genuine love. It wasn’t a concept that he was brought up around, being the product of a broken marriage himself.

—————————————————————————

After a few more hours of wandering and endless conversation they finally made it to the brow of the hill where the small log cabin sat comfortably at the bottom. 

They both helped each other dismount before wandering down to the quaint home. Joel couldn't help but be slightly anxious that they'd be greeted by the decomposing corpses of its residents, after all it was a hard winter they had faced that year and Ellie was right, they were old.

As they approached the door he took Ava's hand in his own, tugging her frame protectively behind him, "Stay behind me."

The blonde nodded as he rapped his fist against the door. They waited for a few moments before the front door creaked opened up and the vaguely familiar old man from the winter months stared at the two arrivals with an understandable combination of both perplexity and caution.

"Do you remember me?" Joel asked flatly after a few seconds.

The older man nodded, a sneer to his voice. "You broke in and held me at gun point in my own home. Yes I remember you."

Joel could immediately feel Ava's eyes burning two holes into the back of his head at this new revelation.

"You did what?!" She hushed aggressively.

He briefly turned around to face her with a huff before finding himself grasping for a poor explanation. "I didn't know it was an occupied home. Most places are derelict these days if you haven't noticed."

The blonde shook her head in disbelief as Joel turned back around to the owner of the cabin.

The older man folding his arms across his chest whilst tensing his stance, "Didn't expect to see your face again…"

Joel remained stoic in his response, both men staring each other down with no ounce of warmth. "Ditto"

The old man then nodded towards Ava with an arched brow noticing that she definitely was not the young girl he was travelling with previously, "That ain't the same one as before."

Joel sighed as he glanced at his partner over his shoulder once more. Wasn’t this little interaction going just swimmingly? "No, this is a different pain in my ass that I've acquired. Now, can we come in?"

With a mocking sneer the man stepped aside to allow them both inside, his eyes gingerly follow Joel as he accepted them into his home.

"Look who it is and he's learned how to knock this time." He chaffed out to his wife who seemingly hadn't moved from where Joel had left her at the start of winter.

"Did you find your brother?" The old woman asked.

Joel slammed his eyes. He really didn't want to be here and really didn’t want to share any further aspects of his life. Ava sharply elbowed him in the ribs as he expelled a pained hmpf before allowing himself to be forced into giving an answer. "I did, yes."

The blonde quickly piped up after coming to the conclusion that Joel wasn't planning on doing much of the talking, "That's part of the reason we came here actually…"

The older man interjected, his eyes narrowing untrustingly at the unfamiliar blonde that stood beside the man that had once forced entry into his home "and who are you?"

Ava smiled warmly, holding out a greeting hand. "Apologies, my names Ava. And you are?"

The old man looked down at the extended palm before glancing up to Joel and then to his wife. At this point most likely deciding if the new comers posed a threat to the sanctuary that the elderly couple had seemed to build themselves. Ava's warming smile must have been reassuring enough as the man then responded revealing his name, although his tongue still remained to drip with discontent, "I'm Marlon, Florence is my wife. Now what do you want?"

Joel sighed as he decided to take over the conversation, "Look, I travelled West and survived. There's a community out there that would take you in. Make sure you have food, warmth and more."

Marlon smirked, “Well ain’t you a picture of generosity.” His expression falling flat within a second as he provided his unwavering and abrupt response, "This has been my home for fifty years and I ain't leaving."

"Look, you're old and we have resources and supplies that you don't. Resources that could be beneficial to you both." Joel tried to reason. His attempt at persuasion not going unnoticed by Ava who’s eyes fell onto him proudly. See, he could be nice… sort of. It was progress made from this morning anyway, when he was happy to let nature take its course with them, although she knew damn well he would downplay it as ‘not wanting to waste a journey.’

Marlon adamantly shook his head, slowly enunciating each word, "We ain't leaving."

Ava quickly butted in with a suggestion, desperate to provide some element of aid to the vulnerable. "Okay, well how about we come to you say every few weeks with supplies? We can get you medicines, food, clothes?"

The blonde watched as Joel's face dropped. Why on earth would she suggest that? Why would she risk herself in that way for two strangers? She hastily reached over and placed her hand over his mouth to prevent him from putting forward any objection.

Marlon looked to Florence who seemed keen on the idea.

"I could do with some new clothes…" the old woman spoke, a small smile tugging on her lips.

Marlon looked back to the blonde and nodded skeptically, "Okay, deal but what's in it for you?"

Ava smiled brightly, slipping her hand into Joel’s with a gentle squeeze. It was a fair question, it was rare these days for there not to be a catch with such an offer. "Absolutely nothing. There's not many of us left these days, we need to look after one another."

Joel sighed, defeated. There it was again, that damned beautiful soul of hers out on show for everyone to see. Meanwhile, he was happy to leave and forget about them. She really was too good for him. Heck, too good for this damned world.

They stayed with Marlon and Florence for a little while longer, listening to their stories of how they ended up in this cabin whilst enjoying a cup of tea.

—————————————————————————

As they left the cabin, Joel looked over to the blonde with an incredulous expression. Ava grinned as she cupped either side of his face and pressed a warm kiss to his lips.

He shook his head as he took her hand in his, intertwining their fingers as they walked back to where they tied the horse. He couldn't be mad at her, how could he? In his eyes she was perfect, not that he'd ever let her think that. He didn't want her ego to get too big.

"So you gonna be doin' these supply runs every few weeks, all by yourself then?" He quizzed, as if he hadn't already decided that he'd be going with her each time.

Ava knew damn well he wouldn't have her travelling all this way unaccompanied but decided to humour him nonetheless, "If I have to, yes."

Joel sighed as he looked down to her adoringly. "You're a pain in my goddam ass, you know that?"

The blonde giggled, an accomplished grin to her cheeks. "You keep saying."

She nudged her shoulder into him to regain his attention. Her voice becoming much more flirtatious as they walked side by side, "I'll make it up to you when we get back."

A smirk played across his face as he raised a brow "Oh yeah and how do you plan on doin' that?"

"Well, I still think I'm a little too cool and apparently you can help me with that?" Ava lightly bit down on her bottom lip as seductively as she could, referring back to Ellie's remark earlier in the morning.

The smirk only grew across his face as he scooped the blonde up off the floor, carrying her bridal style back to the horse as she squealed at the unexpected move and continued to chuckle away in his arms. 

His voice deep and low so only she could hear, not that anybody else was around to eavesdrop on them anyway. "I'm carryin’ you the rest of the way, you'll need your energy for what I'm gonna do to you later."

Chapter Text

26th September 2024

It had been one whole year since he made the choice to leave Boston. Three hundred and sixty-five days since he first met Ellie- although it felt like he had known her for a lifetime with all they had been through. It had been just over six months since he started his new life in Jackson, six months since he first met Ava.

It had been a life changing year at that. He'd lost, he'd found, he'd saved, he'd loved, he'd feared and he'd changed. Never in a million years would he have thought this time one year ago that he'd have everything he has now; a safe home, a kid that he now saw as a daughter, a partner and a sense of peace.

Whilst this particular date had so many negative connotations for him, this year he didn't feel as bitter, hateful or numb as the previous twenty years had done. He still refused to celebrate his birthday, still mourned the loss of his daughter but at least now he had grown to accept that it was okay to seek happiness, to search for a future instead of dwelling completely on a past that could not be changed.

In true Jackson style, the community had chosen not to mourn but to instead celebrate. To celebrate another year of survival and to celebrate the lives of those who had fallen over the past two decades. Twenty one whole years since outbreak day.

The party was not held in the basement as it usually would have been but was instead held outside in the nature section, spreading onto the streets. Fairy lights were strung between buildings, stands were set up with food and drink, music echoed through the air and a bonfire blazed. The residents sung, danced, ate and drank the night away. Celebrating and commiserating all at once. 

Tommy had even come across some boxes of fireworks on his last supply run which he brought back. The fireworks were set off at midnight as everyone huddled together to watch in awe of the pretty streaks of colour lighting up the dark sky over their little town, their small slice of heaven in a world obsoleted.  

Joel had one arm draped around Ava’s middle, her leaning into him snugly as she hugged his waist and one hand palm on Ellie's shoulder as they contently watched the display that highlighted the atmosphere over them. Both his girls eyes lighting up in wonder with beaming smiles as the display of light took place overhead. From the outside it would have looked almost as if...as if they were a family. If only for a short while, he temporarily allowed himself to pretend and play into the idea that this was his family. His patchwork family.

—————————————————————————

The couple had barely made it up the stairs before their affections had quickly turned to desire upon realising that they had the house to themselves. Their focus completely and solely on one another, lips connected, hands searching one another with an urgent eagerness as they stumbled to the bedroom. 

Joel kicked the door open with his foot as he guided Ava back, not leaving her without his touch for even the briefest of seconds. As soon as the bedroom door closed, their movements became more passionate, more intense. The desire for one another growing by the moment. The blondes fingers haphazardly searched his flannel clad chest as she navigated to where the buttons of his shirt were, desperately and quickly undoing each one. He shrugged the shirt off, fisting it into a crumpled heap on the floor before yanking her tight fitting tee over her head. 

An element of pleasant surprise flashing across his expression upon setting his eyes on what was underneath. He carefully ran the pad of his finger over the delicate red lace that cupped each of her full breasts, pretty floral patterns leaving very little to the imagination. A coy smirk quickly playing across his face as he ran the same finger over each curve and languidly down the soft muscle of her abs towards her navel. He pressed his lips back onto hers tenderly, allowing her to suck in his bottom lip as he unzipped her jeans and tugged them down to the floor, a desperation to explore what else she had been hiding beneath her casual attire.

Ava pulled back, her eyes dark but enticing with a small self contented smile on her lips as she stepped out of her jeans revealing the rest of her hidden ensemble. His jaw almost dropping to the floor as he admired the rest of her barely there apparel. Continuing the red lace theme with sheer crimson stockings that attached to a suspender belt that hugged snuggly around her waist, flaunting the synch of her waist compared to the width of her hips. Each piece of the erotic garment highlighting every soft curve on her hourglass figure.

Joel swallowed thickly, heart rate going through the damn roof and every last drop of blood travelling south. Where had she even got that from? How did stuff like this, so fragile and delicate even survive the fucking apocalypse? To be honest, those were questions he could wait to ask later. She was stunning, so fucking stunning and all his. A salacious, primitive need to sink himself inside her and fill her with his own DNA.

"Fuck..." Was all he managed to muster as he took her in.

Her palms glided up his chest and then around the back of his neck as she leant back into him. Her lips brushing against his jaw in an amorous grin as she left a trail of searing open mouth kisses.

The entirety of his body vibrating and bubbling with an uncontrollable desire to ravage her straight into the mornings first light and then some more, to pin her to that mattress until she was boneless and incoherent. To fuck her senseless until she was dripping with his seed. He took in a shaky breath as he tried to control himself. Control himself- how could he when she was looking like that? He quickly gave up on that idea as he wrapped his arms around the fleshy backs of her thighs and lifted her off of the floor. 

She squealed at his eagerness as he carried her to the bed and laid her carefully onto her back. He wasted no time at all before moving himself on top of her, nipping and mouthing at the fragile skin of her neck, the small reddened flecks left behind marking his territory. His, his, his and everyone was going to know that. 

"Easy, Miller." The blonde giggled between airy breaths as his teeth grazed and sucked at her throat, devouring her as if he had been starved from her touch and attention- a far cry from the truth.

He smirked back at her, his eyes dangerously dark and his voice low and raspy, "How can I when you're lookin' like that?"

His mouth instantly falling back down to her column to continue his assault. She rolled her head back into the mattress with a blissed sigh, permitting him with better access to her tender flesh, her lips parting between heavy breaths as she enjoyed the sensation of him on her skin with the anticipation of what was still to come.

He lifted his face a fraction to meet her eyes, his pupils blown wide as he shook his head in subtle disbelief. A disbelief that something so gorgeous and willing to please his every craving was spread out all needy and vulnerable beneath him, "You're so goddam beautiful." 

Ava gave him a besotted smile as she carded her fingers through the slight curl of his hair. This man was slowly but surely stealing her heart, him taking it from right beneath her nose and she would let him with no resistance. Her hands suddenly tightening around his biceps as he placed gentle wet kisses that trailed across her collar bone, down between her breasts, over her stomach, on the inside of her thighs and then tenderly over her sensitive area. Her chest heaving as she hummed into his touch.

Joel shifted himself back up so he was hovering directly over her, his broad frame covering her slight one entirely. She reached down, clasping her digits onto the waist band of his jeans, fumbling around whilst eagerly unbuckling his pants, her lust filled eyes not leaving his as she did. He swiftly kicked them off before putting his full attention back onto her. The backs of his knuckles gently tracing over the soft curve of her waist as his gaze followed, admired her feminine body in full, deciding where to start first.

In a split second decision, his arms slid beneath her spine, flipping their position so she was on top, straddling him as he settled back comfortably into the mattress.

He caressed her lace covered thigh before gliding his palms up, a single finger tugging at the elastic of the crimson coloured material of her panties, "Look at you, lookin' all pretty for me..."

She rested her dainty palms against his chest and leant down, looking at him seductively as she spoke lowly, teeth biting down smugly on her bottom lip. "You wanna take it off?"

Her voice was like a sirens call, pulling him in with no escape. Her aura, a mystical force that had entwined itself within his own very essence, capturing him and rendering him weak. His brow furrowed as he shook his head, "No. keep it on…"

He sat up, pulling her hips further onto him. The blonde releasing a pent up gasp as his hands took control in dragging her hips over his now solid erection, slowly rolling her back and forth. His own chesty growl escaping upon feeling her increasing warm wetness seep through her lace and soak into the thin material of his boxers. He whispered darkly into her ear, "I wanna watch you wearin' it."

All she could do was nod her agreement as her core fluttered uncomfortably, a viscous need to have him fill the vacant channel between her legs. She momentarily rested her forehead against his before licking into his mouth feverishly, him spitting his saliva onto her tongue and watching her drink it back desperately. She needed him, all of him. Her intemperate mind lost in the lust, convinced that she’d do just about anything to have his cock stuffed inside her. One hand travelled up her back and clasped roughly into her hair, their tongues searching each others mouths whilst his other hand reached between them to set himself free. 

The blonde lifted her hips before carefully sinking herself onto him. The lack of foreplay burning deliciously as she relished in the feel of him stretching her to the absolute limit, wanton moans singing from her lips as her insides adjusted to his size. Every inch, curve and ridge felt as he slid into her tightness. Breathless whimpers breathed into his ear as she rocked her pelvis to build up just enough slick to allow him deeper and deeper until his tip nudged firmly into her cervix, unable to sink any further.

Their foreheads rested against one another, lips brushing but not connecting as she slowly began to roll against him. Half of his arousal coated shaft dragged out of her comforting walls for her to sink back down onto him fully within another moment. Her movements becoming more impactful the wetter she became, the lewd squelching sound it created filling the air around them.

"Shit…" He hissed at the sensation of her warmth engulfing him. He rolled his head back and closed his eyes to let his other senses take over.

Ava pushed his chest back so that he was now resting on his elbows, the position allowing him to somehow sink deeper into her, prodding and dragging against that soft spongey spot that had her almost incoherent. So full, she felt so full, perfectly and deliciously full. The pressure of her desires being met and the snug fit of his length within her building up the fire with in her core as she neared her release.

Her core ground down on him. He watched as her hips rolled in a figure of eight, studying her perfectly curvaceous shape. How he could see the muscles in her stomach flex as she moved, how the red lace stood vibrant against her sun kissed skin, how she bit down on her lip and closed her eyes as she allowed herself to enjoy each sensation he provided her with. He looked up at her as if she was some sort of goddess, his Aphrodite. He was almost disintegrating beneath her. This high more intense than what any narcotic or hallucinogenic substance could achieve, his mind drowning in her essence. For him this was his ecstasy. Her touch was his drug and he couldn't get enough, a sure addiction that he couldn’t now go without.

He caved. He needed her closer, he needed to taste her sweet lips once more. His hand wrapping around the nape of her neck as he forced her down towards him. He kissed her slow but hard as she collapsed into him, unable to control himself as he began to thrust into her rhythmically from beneath. Pulling himself half way out before slamming back into her, over and over as the burning heat in his gut continued to boil and coil.

Her sweet feminine yet wanton whimpers breathily moaned into their kiss as he hit all the right spots inside her. The feeling of her abdomen tensing each time he rammed into her cervix had him feral.

Her voice trembled as she groaned against his lips, her fucked out eyes squeezed closed and her skin all dewy. "Fuck, Joel. Mmm so good."

The sound of her honeyed tone moaning his name set him alight.

"Mmm, I'm close. So close…" She whimpered.

"I know darlin', jus' try n hold on a little longer for me." He hushed back as he held her hips in place, picking up his pace to a brutal drilling.

The tension, the heat and the carnal desire to fuck her full of him building up unbearably with each punishing thrust. It didn’t take long, not long at all before he yanked her hips down as hard as he could as his aching length throbbed and pulsated within her tight channel. His hot thick release practically delivered straight to her womb as he continued to fuck his cock up into her, pushing his spend further and further into her reproductive organs, ensuring that she takes every last drop. Her apparent inability to conceive allowing him to play into his filthy fantasy, to fuck her in the most natural and primal way without having to concern himself with a lifelong consequence. A consequence he felt far too old to now deal with. The notion of watching his load drip down her thighs sending him dizzy. It was perfect. She was perfect.

It wasn’t just him that got off on the idea. The throbbing of his cock all warm and heavy inside her only bringing her to her own final release as she cried out. The blonde collapsing fucked out and spent onto Joel's chest as her walls held hold to his gradually softening length within her.

They stay there for a few moments in a clammy embrace, catching their breaths. She could hear his heart pounding within the cavity of his chest as he soothingly caressed her back with one of his hands. 

Eventually, she adjusted her position so that they were face to face, placing a tender kiss onto his lips before whispering with a timid smile, "Happy Birthday, baby…"

She pulled herself off of him then moved to his side, resting her head against his shoulder as she eagerly awaited his reaction.

His brow furrowed at her words. She had been pestering him for a while, trying to find out his date of birth but he had refused to tell her. He didn't celebrate his birthday so she didn't need to know- that was that. He couldn't help but wonder, how did she find out? It wasn’t hard to work out… there were only two other people in this small town who knew… both of which had notoriously loose lips when it came to discussing his life… "Who-"

She looked sheepishly at him as she cut him off, "You wouldn't tell me so I asked Tommy…"

Joel sighed as he looked at her unamused. God damn it, Tommy and his big mouth. His voice somewhat flat with his statement. "I don't celebrate my birthday…"

Ava wrapped her arms around his biceps and snuggled into him innocently- far too innocently for what they had just done, "Well, you should."

He brushed a light kiss onto the crown of her head at her touch. He spoke solemnly as his stoic eyes softened, "You do remember what this date also marks, don't you?"

She looked up at him sadly, "Of course I do but people care about you Joel. I care. Your life should be celebrated just as much as everyone else's…"

A weak smile tugging onto his lips at her sweet words. He lost everything on that day twenty one years ago, it just didn't feel right to celebrate.

The blonde could almost read his thoughts as she recalled the memorial that hung on the mantle above Maria’s fireplace. An idea- a solution coming to mind. She gently patted his abs as she shared her thoughts, "What if you pick a different date?"

He frowned in confusion. What was she going on about? "What?"

"You don't want to celebrate your birthday on this date so why not just pick a different day? One where nothing bad happened?"

He pondered the idea and shrugged, "I dunno..." he trailed off.

Ava wasn't going to accept his avoidance on this so she took it upon herself to pick a different day in September, "Seventeenth of September. That's your new birthday… from next year."

Joel scoffed, an incredulous look fired her way as his palm landed onto her thigh. "Thank you, for making me even older, my love."

"No problem." She jested chuckling lightly, craning her neck up to place a loving peck to his cheek.

He smiled warmly at her and watched as her expression changed, almost as if she suddenly remembered something.

She patted his arm as she slipped away from him, she reached to the floor grabbing his flannel before wrapping it around her.

He laughed as he observed how the shirt engulfed and hung off her form like a dress. Something so homely and right warming his heart as she dressed in his scent- wrapped up in him by choice. "Y’like wearin’ my clothes?"

She flashed him a smile whilst batting her eyelids, "I do… it’s… comfortable."

Ava quickly hurried out of the room calling back to him to explain, "I've got you something. Don’t move!"

He let out another bothersome sigh before responding, calling out to her disappearing figure, "You didn't have to…"

"Yes, I did! Birthday, remember?" Her voice echoed from downstairs.

Joel huffed to himself but entertained her enthusiasm. He couldn’t help but feel at least a little curious as he listened to the shuffling and movement from the living room. What on earth was she up to? 

His pretty blonde soon re-emerged from the landing and crawled back onto the bed next to him. She sat on her knees anxiously as she passed him an A4 sized box wrapped with a large green bow.

He glanced curiously between her and the box before taking it into his lap. He could see how nervous she looked as he took it from her, her eye contact dropping down the duvet as the object left her possession. What on earth was it?

He carefully tugged at the ribbon and removed the lid from the box, his face softening instantaneously when he set eyes on its contents. He didn't say a word as he stared down at it. A deluge of emotion whirling over him. Love, sadness, anguish and appreciation… His throat tightening and teeth grinding as he tried to hold it all back.

The blonde gingerly fidgeted and spoke with caution, "I'm sorry if I crossed a line…"

He shook his head with furrowed brows, not taking his eyes off the gift. With the pad of his finger, he carefully traced the features of the ever so familiar face. The face he missed more than anything in the world. The most gorgeous painting of his baby girl. It captured her perfectly from the twinkle in her eyes, the bounce of her hair, the dimples in her smile, nothing was out of place. Every element of her character ensnared onto canvas.

"I noticed that you didn't have anything to remember her by. Tommy showed me a picture he had but it was small and faded… figured she deserves something more than that. I know a guy just down the street, an excellent artist... so I had it commissioned…" She explained once she realised he was not mad. She knew that Sarah was a sensitive topic, although he had become more and more open about her recently.

Joel finally looked up from the perfectly painted canvas. The hurtful emotions slowly dissipating as he gazed into the blondes waiting eyes. He smiled warmly at his partner as he struggled for words. Twenty one years… twenty one years since he had last relented and accepted a birthday gift and for it to be something so thoughtful, so beautiful… he was rendered speechless. "It-It's...Thank you, Darlin'."

She smiled back at him as she curled back up into his side. He placed the lid back on the box and carefully put it onto his nightstand before wrapping one arm around her, using his spare hand to cup her cheek, placing another gentle kiss against her lips, "You're too damn good to me sweetheart…"

She gazed up at him with those big brown sparkly doe eyes, so full of adoration for him. Eyes that he'd come to love as she spoke so sweetly, so genuinely as for the first time aloud she claimed him as her own with a grin to her face. "Well, I've got to look after my man…haven’t I?"

They finally settled down into bed. He pulled her close to his chest, her body moulding perfectly into the curve of his own, his arms wrapped protectively around her as they drifted off to sleep. As if she was his missing puzzle piece…He couldn’t say it out loud… not yet, but those three little, powerful words laid silently on his tongue and made home in his heart as he kissed her goodnight. His relentless self loathing shadowing his mind the moment the room fell to silence… he didn't deserve her. There was no possible way that after all of his atrocities, he could end up with someone like her.

Chapter Text

9th November 2024

The school in Jackson worked slightly differently to how they ran pre outbreak, especially now there was no curriculum that needed to be adhered to. The school year now ran from January to December and due to Ellie's age, she would not be going back to school in the new year. Her time being seen as just a child rapidly coming to an end as she prepared for the to start her journey as part of the working community.

During school, Ellie and the other pupils of her age had been asked to choose their preferred roles to move into, whether it be in nursing, culinary, animal care, resourcing or patrol. They had to pick first options and then second options. These would then be sent to the council to be reviewed, who would then allocate the roles out to the students based on what they feel each individual would be best suited for. Ellie had very obviously chosen patrol and stable work as her first choice.

Whilst she was still classed as being a little too young to start shadowing actual patrols for the time being- both Maria and Joel feeling rather strongly on the matter when she initially mentioned the subject as a suggestion whilst trying to use her trip from Boston as leverage. The response being a resounding ‘no’ from both adults- about the only damn thing the two seemed to agree on. Still, it didn’t stop her from harassing her guardian at all hours, a desperation to push herself ahead of the other contenders, a hope that she could slowly grind him down to caving. It took less time than she thought, when he finally relented and agreed to show her some of the safer routes in his spare time- a compromise, one that the teen seemed more than happy with. She was eager to prove to the council how passionate and committed she was, as well as how she would be a phenomenal asset to the patrol team with her experience of the outside world already being head and shoulders greater than the majority of the other youngsters applying.

Joel didn't have any concerns that Ellie wouldn't get her first choices. He'd make sure that she did- one of the only perks of having Maria as his sister-in-law. One comment to Tommy and he knew his little brother would make it happen. After all, she was most likely the only person in her age group that could handle a firearm sufficiently. Not to mention that she had already survived and fought much worse than a couple of stray infected and the odd small group of raiders. Nevertheless he admired her enthusiasm and agreed to show her some of the routes so that she was even better prepared.

—————————————————————————

The layer of pristine snow crunched beneath their boots as the bitter air reddened their skin and numbed their noses. Winter had once again begun to show its face.

Joel looked up to the many bare trees that stood high above them, all spindly and frigid against the heavy grey clouds above, "You gotta make sure you check the trees as well…"

Ellie cocked an eyebrow as she mimicked his gaze, her eyes squinting at the many bare branched up overhead, "Infected can climb?"

He glanced down at her, an almost cynical tone to his voice. What in the hell were they teaching these kids at school? "No, not infected."

The teen paused to think for a few more seconds before giving her second answer, her note pitching skeptically at her guess. "Humans?"

Joel gave her a curt nod before looking back up, "Yeah... They’ve been known to hide up in the branches. It gives them the opportunity to ambush so you gotta make sure to be checkin'."

Ellie made a mental note of his advice. She was trying to absorb as much as physically possible, "Got it."

She hesitated for a brief moment, his vast knowledge in the various tactics used by raiders and then his dubious past springing to mind. She glanced at him cautiously before allowing her question to slip out, “Is that what you used to do?”

He sucked in a hard breath whilst narrowing his stare on the road ahead, anything to not look the kid in the eye as he mumbled his response, “Not me… No…”

It wasn’t entirely a lie. He, himself did not- preferring to keep his feet on solid ground where possible… but did he order Tommy to hide in the tree tops on occasion whilst Tess posed as a distraction? Absolutely…

Ellie seemed to get a full understanding from his unsettled tone alone. Swallowing thickly and pursing her lips as she too focused her attention on the journey ahead. Deciding that it was probably best if she didn’t pry any further into the life he lead before her. Not wanting to tarnish her version of Joel that she had built up in her head; the grumpy but protective old man that took care of her. She didn’t want to ruin that vision of him by knowing the ins and outs of the callous atrocities that he had apparently once committed.

The duo continued to move forward. This route was one of the slightly longer stretches. If Joel was honest, he'd only done this one twice before. It was an early day time route due to the length of time it took and Joel mainly did the afternoon or evening routes. 

They came across a small clearing within the abundance of firs, grounding to a temporary halt for a brief moment as Joel found his bearings within the acreage of woodland. He pulled the map from within his rucksack and allowed his eyes to scan over its imagery, already knowing that this route headed out towards the lake. It didn’t take long before they were back on track and not too much longer before they had come to the check point.

He pointed to the small shack and then looked back to the teen that was a few paces behind, "Remember what you need to do here?"

Ellie nodded, "Name, date and notes."

Joel gave her an affirming smile "Good." 

They had left at the crack of dawn that morning to give them plenty of time. If Joel was being completely honest, he also wanted to consider the fact that there was a chance that he could take a wrong turn and potentially get them both lost with it being one of the less familiar routes for him. Thankfully, no wrong turns had been taken and they still had plenty of time in the day. 

They stood side by side at the edge of the large body of water, simply taking a breath to admire the surrounding scenery that was decorated with hills of forest green and the horizon jagged with the range of mountains that capsulated the state. The last time he took this route, he had noticed something in the not so far distance that he wanted to check out. A structure peeping through the treetops, barely noticeable behind the green of the summer months.

"C'mon." He beckoned as he squinted towards the tree line to the left of them- not the way that they had come.

Ellie gave him a puzzled look, "Where are we going?"

"There's jus' somethin' I wanna take a look at," he responded, already walking forward with his map in hand and paying little mind to the teenager he was dragging along with him.

"This isn't part of the route is it?" The teen challenged.

Joel rolled his eyes. Where had her sense of adventure gone? "We travelled across the states mostly on foot and now you're tellin' me that you're scared to go slightly off route?"

Of course Ellie went straight to the defence with that familiar sarcastic attitude of hers. Scared? She didn’t do scared… not in the daylight hours anyway… and even if she was, she’d never admit it to him. "Did I say I was scared?"

A grin tugging to Joel’s lips as he stopped and glanced back over his shoulder to find the girl still stood stationary by the waters edge. "C'mon then."

His snide jeering comments being all it took for the teen to then eagerly trot up behind him to start their extended journey back into the wilderness.

They walked for around ten minutes before Ellie began questioning their undisclosed destination, "Soo, where are we going?"

"I ain't one hundred percent sure but I think I saw the roof of a building. I wanted to check it out."

"What if there's people?" She asked next, pushing her palm onto a large low hanging branch as she ducked underneath.

"We'll check it out from a distance first…"

Her voice quickly dropping to sarcasm as she recalled the last time he spoke those exact words, "What, like you did with that old couple? Cause, Y'know... there still ended up being people."

A deep exasperated sigh escaped his lungs. He should have come here alone. "Jus' trust me…"

—————————————————————————

After another couple of hours trekking through the forest, they finally came to a clearing where a fairly large log cabin stood. The duo remaining around a hundred yards back, crouched behind some shrubbery whilst checking for any signs of life within the immediate area.

"Well, you weren't hallucinating…" Ellie jested as she peered through the brambles at the cosy looking building ahead.

Joel seemingly choosing to ignore her comment as he focused on informing her on what he was looking out for- another useful life skill for her to learn in this day and age, "No smoke is comin' from the chimney and there ain't any tracks…"

The teen looked up to him, "So, no people?"

He nodded as he straightened back up, wincing as his knees cracked with the cold. He prepared the shot gun as a precaution before edging closer to the structure with Ellie following closely behind.

The door was locked. This was another good sign. 

"You know how to pick a lock?" He asked her with an arched brow. He was fully capable of breaking an entry to the cabin himself, years of experience made it almost second nature for him but he also knew how the kid liked to get involved.

She snorted a scoff as she pulled a hair grip from within her ponytail and shoved it into the hole of the lock. She wiggled and prodded it for a few seconds before it clicked, her tongue poking out through her lips in concentration. Joel gave her a small endearing smile as he pushed the door open, "Nice work."

They gingerly entered into the hallway, guns at the ready before then cautiously moving through each room. A layer of grime coated each surface they stumbled upon but for as dusty as it was, the place was untouched. Completely undisturbed, as if nobody had set foot inside since before the world went to shit. Oak cabinets filled with fine china, velvet covered couches and a large window which had a pristine view of the lake. It was clear this once belonged to someone with some wealth.

"This place is fucking amazing!" Ellie exclaimed as she ran her fingers over the soft velvet of the couch, her eyes gazing up and around the ceiling where a quaint crystal chandelier hung.

Joel stood admiring the many paintings that decorated the room, ones that appeared to ensnare the surrounding views and others that appeared more abstract. "Was most likely a holiday home. If you had money, it was common to have more than one house. You had your main house and then a couple of others dotted about in popular tourist destinations…"

"Did you have one?" She asked as she peered through the glass of the cabinets.

"No."

Joel then casually walked out of the room and began ascending the wooden stair case, "I'm goin'  to take a look upstairs, you take a look in the kitchen. See if there's any canned food or anythin’ useful."

The old wooden floorboards creaked beneath his footsteps as he edged across the landing, four doors in total, two along the length of the magnolia wall and one more on each end. He peered into each, all just as unblemished as the downstairs. The final door leading into the master bedroom. It was very grand, a large king sized bed that was dressed in silk sheets and far too many pillows (why would anyone need this many pillows??) featured in the centre of the space, a large built in wardrobe to the side and another chandelier style light dangling from the middle of the ceiling.

He edged towards the elegantly placed dressing table. Small bottles of women's branded perfume, Dior and Chanel alongside various hair products stood tidily beneath the mirror. Everything was perfectly intact, as if its owners could arrive home at any given moment to continue on with their routine lives. He knew that these luxury items would be well received by the residents of Jackson as he tugged the drawstring on his pack and stuffed each of the floral smelling bottles inside. He rummaged through each drawer, taking anything that was of value. That's when he came across an old jewellery box. Mahogany wood with brass hinges, intricate botanical swirls carved into the top- he was half tempted to take that with him and all. Eventually coming to the conclusion that it would take up too much space… an item to come back for next time.

He carefully placed the wooden box on the surface of the dresser and then opened it to study its contents. The box was filled with dainty chains, rings and earrings that were each studded with a variety precious stones; diamonds, sapphires and ruby’s- the job lot must have been worth a small fortune back in the day. He spent some time sorting through the items one at a time, carefully untangling the chains all whilst knowing that again, the women of Jackson will be quick to snap these up the moment they would go on display in the shop. His fumbling fingers pausing when he came across a dainty yellow gold chain that held a small pendant of the sun, studded with an opal in the centre and small diamonds that decorated the rays. He blinked as he held the item up to his eyes upon a closer inspection. It was beautiful and the sunshine pendant perfectly represented the positivity and beauty of the colour 'yellow'... that colour she adored so much. He just knew that Ava would love it.

He held it delicately within his palm before gently placing it into his coat pocket. His body startling slightly at the sound of footsteps approaching him from behind, only to relax in the next breath upon realising it was just Ellie.

"Woah! Look at the size of that bed!" She beamed as she dove onto the mattress and immediately star fished across the sheets.

He snorted a laugh as he watched her writhe around in a manner similar to an excited puppy before continuing to sort through the jewellery box.

Ellie chuckled as she got up and wandered to the wardrobe taking a look inside. Her fingers grazing over the various materials that hung inside before hesitating on something that felt so soft and smooth to her touch. Curiously she pulled the item out from its place and carefully shook it from the build up of dust. A deep red silk cocktail dress. One that would fit snugly around the bodice before falling loose around the legs, hemming just below the knee. "I can imagine Ava dressed in something like this."

Joel glanced over his shoulder. A brief fleeting but soft smirk pulling at his mouth at the mention of her name -she did always look good in red- before falling serious once more. "Put it back."

The teen obeyed, her face twisting into a knowing grin at his reaction to the mention of the woman’s name. "You love her, don't you?"

Joel immediately shot his head round, staring at the kid blankly with the air catching in his throat. Unsure of why his immediate reaction was to go straight to the defence…"What?"

The smile on Ellie's face remained as she repeated her statement slowly, enunciating each word as if she was speaking to someone with a lack of understanding. "You love Ava."

His whole body tensed at her words but the blank expression remained on his face. He was like a deer caught in the headlights. He couldn't respond, he didn't know how to.

Ellie gasped in realisation, her eyes widening as she took a step toward him. It all made so much sense!  "Shit! You have issues with the 'L' word!"

He finally managed to change his expression as he gave her an incredulous look with a unconvincing scoff, "I do not."

He could feel the teens stare burning into his soul as she challenged him with arms folded across her chest, "Say it then."

Joel responded flatly as he turned back around to keep himself busy "No." 

The truth was that yes, he did have issues with that word. Shit, he had issues with the whole damn concept of love and all that it meant. To admit that you love just opens a person up to a whole new level of vulnerability. He hated feeling vulnerable. 

The kid wasn't planning on giving up. She was going to get it out of him, even if it was the last thing she does before he throttles her. His current expression telling her that it was all too much of a possibility currently. "So you're telling me that you don't love her?"

He sighed and gave a loose warning. "Ellie..."

As much as he tried to fight it, he struggled to now deny it. He did love her, in fact he could pin point the exact moment when he first admitted it to himself. The twenty first anniversary of outbreak. When it felt so natural to wrap his arm around her as he did so without a single thought, for her to lean into him without a care in the world for who was watching. The way her lips so candidly smiled as the colour of the explosions lit up her pretty face gave him a warm fuzzy feeling in his once cold heart. It was then that he realised he was no longer falling but had in fact fallen in love with her. He was in love with her.

"Say it!" Ellie pressed.

God this kid was persistent. He licked his lips before relenting to her badgering. His palms suddenly feeling clammy as he forced out his confession, the obvious secret he’d been carrying around with him for the past two months. "Fine. Yes I do… You happy now? Jesus…"

—————————————————————————

Meanwhile...

Ava had been rota'd down to help in the kitchens for the morning, prepping breakfast for those heading out on patrol and then the rest of the community. Today’s special being a mixture of fruits and toasted bread- like usual. It wasn't her favourite role to take on and endure but she had to admit, it had definitely helped with her culinary skills over the years. 

Maria was also rota'd down for kitchen duties that morning. She had gradually begun picking up more short shifts around the town as little Charley was getting older. Kitchen duty, some gardening; nothing overly taxing that would take her away from her infant for more than a couple of hours at the time. The two women stood side by side as they sliced and diced various fruits. They hadn't spoken all that much since Ava had started seeing Joel again, her friends thoughts on the man that somehow had her heart became perfectly clear after they took a break going back in the summer. ‘Dangerous’ and ‘narcissistic’ were the two words she could recall from that conversation… Two words that she just couldn’t relate to Joel. It was more than obvious that Maria’s opinion on Joel hadn’t shifted since that point… how the hell did she not ever notice the disscontempt between the two before? Either way, it seemed futile to broach the subject of Joel with her… she didn’t particularly want to hear anymore of Maria’s warnings or yet another lecture of going back to him.

"I've not seen you much lately, how have you been?" Maria asked with a smile.

The blonde returned the smile. Gosh, it was all very nicey, nicey. Not like how their conversations used to be… "Yeah I've been good, you?"

The other women responded with a nod as she concentrated on peeling the skin of a tangerine, "Yeah not bad. Tommy has Charley so I've been able to pick up some more shifts...” The air suddenly feeling thicker as she looked over to Ava, allowing her reluctant question to tail off as she found herself unable to speak of his name. “How are things between you and...?"

Ava was surprised she even asked. Maria had given her quite the lecture when she found out they were back together so usually the topic was avoided. She sucked in a sharp breath before forcing a tug to her lips, "Yeah things are great between us actually… it's nice to have finally found someone… makes life a little less lonely, Y’know?"

Maria didn't respond but the blonde could see the small amount of concern in the woman's eyes, "I know you're not keen on him but you just need to get to know him better. He’s not… bad. He really isn’t, Mar."

The older woman faked a smile and got back to work without another word. Ava sighed, she didn't like being this distant from one of her closest friends. For the first time in a long time she was truly happy and content with life. Why couldn’t she just be happy for her?

Her thoughts were quickly interrupted by the sudden sensation of her stomach twisting into knots, it’s contents threatening to come up and spill violently. She dropped her knife onto the counter with a clang as her mouth began to salivate, a bead of sweat forming on her forehead. Fuck, not again…

Maria looked up at the sound of metal hitting the counter and watched as the colour drained from the blondes face, "Are you okay?"

Ava didn't have time to answer as she dashed for the door leading to the bathroom, throwing herself into the first available cubicle and dropping down to the toilet before vomiting. She could feel a presence come up behind her but she dare lift her head from the bowl as she continued to wretch.

Maria crouched down as she pulled the blondes hair back into a fisted ponytail, holding it out of the way.

This wasn't the first time that this had happened to the blonde in the last couple of weeks; a sudden and aggressive bout of nausea that wouldn’t ease until her stomach was empty. It had happened multiple times although this was the first time it had happened in the presence of other people.

She finally lifted her head up and slumped back against the cubicle wall, a clammy palm swiping at her sticky forehead as she tried to regulate her breathing. Maria tore off a section of tissue from the reel of loo roll before passing it over to her, an offering that she gladly took to wipe the sticky bile from her lips. The older women leant against the doorway as she looked to her friend with concern, "You good?"

Ava swallowed thickly and nodded. "Uh, yeah. Th-This has been happening over the past couple of weeks. Stomach bug I guess…"

Maria twisted her lips, brow furrowing. "Weeks? I mean stomach bugs usually clear up within a couple of days... not weeks…"

The blonde shrugged. Maria was right, stomach viruses did tend to clear up quickly. Something was making her unwell though? Perhaps a parasite? She knew those could make people sick, "Or a parasite then. I don't know…"

The older woman nodded but her brow furrowed. She shifted her weight awkwardly before asking another question, one that could perhaps be seen as inappropriate if it weren’t for the fact that they had been friends for so long. A niggling reservation lying heavy as she remembered a time in the not too distant past where she found herself dealing with random bouts of nausea that spanned over the course of several weeks… months even…before changing her life in what was for her, the best way. "Ave... I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable at all but have you noticed your boobs feeling a little sore recently?"

Ava shrugged again, this time looking a little perplexed at the sudden and intrusive question. "Um...a bit personal but a little, I guess?"

Maria kissed her teeth as her brow remained furrowed. Ava noticed her expression and began to worry. What was she thinking? Should she go to the infirmary? Was this more serious that she thought? Shit, was she dying?

"I think you should go home…" the older woman finally spoke, hands on her hips.

"No no no, I'm fine. I promise." The blonde argued.

Maria gave her an amused smile "You can't work with food if you're throwing up. Go home. I'll come round this afternoon to check on you."

—————————————————————————

Ava arrived home and immediately changed into her night wear and robe, her muscles loosening the moment the fluffy cotton hugged her skin. She felt exhausted- stupidly drained for the very little she had done that day. She had been feeling this way quite frequently as of late, eyes heavy and fatigued. Perhaps she was just burned out? She had been covering sickness in the shop and had picked up one or two extra patrols over the past few weeks… That had to be it… She just needed to rest and then she’d be back in tip top shape.

She crawled into bed and immersed herself under the warm duvet, sinking into the comfort of the soft mattress. It felt a little strange being in her own bed, it felt cold and empty- it never used to feel this way. She hadn't really slept here much at all for the past few months, the comfort of Joel’s furnace of a body and his bed being much more of an appealing offer in the increasingly cold weather. That being said, she could swear it was only a matter of minutes before she had drifted off into a comfortable slumber. 

She was awoken a few hours later by a knock at the door. She forced her eyes open and blinked as she adjusted to the light. Gradually she made her way down the stairs and answered the door.

Maria stood with her hand in her pockets, an unreadable expression on her face, "How are you feeling?"

Ava nodded with a shrug, "A little tired but I've not been sick again…"

The older women sighed as she presented the blonde with a small cardboard box.

The blonde took the cuboid shaped piece of card into her palms and looked it over, a confused expression taking over her features as she realised what it was.

"I think you should take it…" Maria encouraged, gesturing to the item with a nod.

Why the fuck would she need to take a pregnancy test? Maria knew damn well that her reproductive system was fucked, she was there when she was bloody told. It was impossible! Maria wasn't the type to play cruel jokes but why else would she do this? "and why the hell are you giving me this? You know I can't-"

The other woman nodded whilst dropping her focus to the floor, "I know what you were told but you're saying that you're experiencing sickness, tiredness and soreness. That's how I felt..."

Ava let out a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose, "Maria..."

Maria took in a deep breath as she looked the blonde in the eye "Stranger things have happened, Ava. Doctors don't have the facilities to be as efficient as they once were… they could have got it wrong… and I can't imagine you and Joel have just been holding hands."

The blonde didn't respond. She just stared blankly with the box in her hands.

Maria continued, "I'm not going to force you to do the test but I am going to leave it with you though and tell you that I think you should at least rule it out for sure…"

The older women then said her goodbyes and left. Ava closed the door behind her and made her way back upstairs with the box in hand.

She paused by the door of her ensuit. Her spare hand grazing over her stomach to cup over her scar on her lower abdomen. Surely she couldn't be pregnant- right?  It just wasn’t possible… The doctor had said that her reproductive system was damaged beyond repair. She didn't get a regular menstrual cycle either, maybe just once or twice a year if that. Plus surely she would have gotten pregnant before now if that was the case? 

She shook the box anxiously and sighed. Perhaps she should just do it and then it will come back negative and she could tell Maria that she was being ridiculous... Yes, that's what she'll do.

Ava moved into the bathroom before removing the thin plastic stick from its box. Why did she feel so nervous about this? Of course it was going to be negative. She couldn't get pregnant- that’s what the doctor said, doctors don’t make mistakes… do they? She held her breath the entire time whilst taking the test, the whole action feeling extremely wrong before placing it onto her night stand to develop. She chose to keep herself busy by tidying and tried not to worry to much about it… tried being the very key word…

Half an hour passed and she sat on the side of her bed, anxiously tapping her fingers against quilt as she stared hesitantly at the test that was placed face down. She took in a deep breath to control her nerves and reached for it.

She brought her hands into her lap and looked down, her heart at this point pounding ferociously in her chest. She should be confident about this… why all of a sudden wasn’t she? Why hadn’t she felt this apprehensive after or during- even, all those times she’d allowed him to not pull out…all those times she’d get off to him filling her up…‘Don’t worry’ She’d say, ‘Nothing will happen’ She’d follow it up with. Fuck, how she hoped that she was right…

She sucked in a deep breath and held it as her shaky hands flipped over the the stick of plastic and she glanced down. A new debilitating form of sickness formed cumbersome in her gut, her stomach sinking at the mere sight of those two little pink lines that had formed so clearly on its tiny screen. Her heart continued to pound rapidly in her chest, battering her sternum and making it hard to breath. Her mind drawing a blank at how this could have possibly happened- doctors weren’t supposed to get things wrong… Not things as monumental as this! A very sudden and crippling regret for her irresponsible actions over the course of the past six months… Surely this wasn't real? It couldn't be... Shit. Fuck…

Chapter Text

16th November 2024

The last week had been hard to describe, her mind transfixed on the tiny life evolving within her, a constant anxious tension bubbling away throughout her body. So fatigued yet the worry wouldn't allow her sleep... The blasted plastic stick shoved away within the darkness her night stand drawer. Maybe if she ignored it, it would go away? Joel had noticed the change in her... of course he did. Little looks of concern flashed her way as she'd zone out of their conversation... he'd never pry though, not really. He was good like that... How was she supposed to tell him? How do you even start a conversation like that? She'd debated on taking another test just in case the first was faulty... but they were rare these days... she knew the town had a stash but that would mean that she'd have to ask someone, someone who would then make assumptions about her little secret... Oh god, the gossip that would ensue. No, she didn't want to do that...

Ava stood rigid over the kitchen sink scrubbing away at the various dirty pots and pans feverishly, perhaps with a little more intensity than usual. Her hands trembling whilst her knuckles turned white at the  harsh grip she had on the sponge, hard eyes and a crease between her scowled brows as her thoughts once again spiralled.

Not a single soul knew other than herself...and possibly the little one growing inside of her. Would they have a conscience yet? When do they evolve one of those? The thought of admitting the situation to Maria was terrifying...she could only imagine her judgemental, disapproving face...She hadn't even been able to bring herself to confess to Maddie, the thought of saying it out loud made her want to shudder. After finding out, she had spent the remainder of the afternoon staring into the abyss trying to come to terms with what was happening but she just couldn't. The idea of growing a life, one that once filled her with a sense of longing, now felt foreign and wrong. What was the saying? Oh yeah, be careful what you wish for.... The fact that a small human was growing inside her stayed permanently on her mind. 

She was petrified, beyond that even. Scared that she'd be a terrible mother, scared about having to give birth and absolutely terrified that Joel would leave once he found out. Would he even want this at his age? How would he react? Her mind flashing back to the sickening fear on his face when he'd not pulled out in time the first time they'd had intercourse...Shit. She knew that she'd have to tell him at some point, tell him that she was carrying his child but she didn't know how. None of this was apart of her plan. Fuck, having a baby wasn't even on the bloody radar.

Her stupor abruptly startled with a jump as a pair of large hands wrapped around her waist, her body being pulled back into a broad solid wall. Ava sucked in a sharp breath, releasing it slowly as her form relaxed upon remembering where she was and who the hands belonged to. She was so deep in thought that she hadn't heard or sense him approach, "Fuck, you scared the shit outta me. What are you doing?"

He snorted incredulously, an amused smirk pulling at the corner of his lips before asking, "What am I doin' in my own house?"

Normally she'd quip straight back with some witty remark that would cause him to chuckle, yet all she could muster up was a deep unsettled sigh as she continued to scour the poor plate that appeared to be on the verge of cracking under the pressure of her severity.

Joel gave her side light squeeze, his right arm reaching around her to remove the very clean plate from her clutches and setting it down onto the draining board. His brows furrowed as he tried to catch her focus, her evasion of eye contact not going unnoticed. He could sense something was bothering her... that was obvious, her body being stiff as a board but he just couldn't pin point what it was. He'd initially put it down to a bad day...and then maybe just that time of the month but that was quickly ruled out a couple of nights ago...She hadn't been her usual bubbly self for days now. Something was troubling her...she looked stressed, "Why are you doin' my house work?"

Ava hesitated for a second, her scrubbing hand grinding to a stop. The truthful answer was that she was trying to distract herself by keeping busy, not that it seemed to be working. "I don't know..."

He rested his chin atop her shoulder. He hated seeing her like this, it just wasn't her. Had he done something to upset her? He didn't think he had... Concern crossing his expression as he reached round and carefully took the sponge from her hands, "You look stressed? Talk to me?"

She let out another sigh as she turned to face him. Should she just tell him now? Get it done and out of the way? She swallowed thickly as she looked to the floor. "Joel...I-I" 

The words just wouldn't come out, catching at the back of her throat making her want to gag as her heart violently fluttered within its cavity. She met his worried gaze, brown eyes that were waiting for a response, a reason. It was the usual shitty vague excuse that eventually fell off her tongue. "I'm just tired, that's all. It's been a busy couple of weeks... it's just all catching up on me."

Joel nodded, his brows still knitted together in doubt. She had been rather busy- that much was true. Eddie had been unwell meaning she'd had to pick up extra shifts at the shop as well as her usual responsibilities but there was just something in the way she spoke that didn't have him convinced. He brushed a gentle kiss to her forehead as an idea came to mind, "Why don't we get away for the evening? Y'know... Jus' to relax and shit. Just me and you?"

Her head fell forward, slotting in beneath his chin. Her nose pressed against his comforting pulse as she allowed his warmth to consume her, her arms snaking around his torso. His embrace providing some instant relief... Maybe a break away from reality would be enough to straighten her head?  "That sounds nice..."

He smiled warmly, lips grazing her hairline as he murmured into her hold, "Go on, get yourself packed. I'll grab some supplies and we'll head out."

Her head snapped up, a sudden influx of questions flooding her. This evening? Where the fuck were they going to go now? Just him and her?? "Out where? and what about Ellie?"

His hands dropped to her lower back as he answered with a grin, "Surprise...and Ellie will be fine here. That was the whole damn point of us gettin' that dog."

A small laugh travelled from her chest and slipped through her lips for what felt like the first time in an eternity. He talked like he couldn't stand the four legged creature but she knew deep down that he had a soft spot for the furry little guy. She'd seen it with her own eyes, when he'd come downstairs on a morning to let Rufus out in the yard... how he'd always have a one sided conversation with the animal as it wagged its tail in response.

He gave her an encouraging pat to the side of her ass and nodded towards the sink, "Go on, get yourself sorted. I'll finish that."

The blonde gave him a small timid smile as she pulled away from his embrace and stepped toward the front door.

—————————————————————————

Ava arrived back to his a mere half an hour later with an overnight bag packed. She still had no idea where he was taking her but she was very much looking forward to the idea that it would be just them. She needed this... needed him whilst it was still as simple as that, before their relationship becomes complicated by the presence of an additional being.

She placed her bag down by the door and called out to him, "Joel?"

Her ears tuning in to gentle hum of water trickling through the pipes. Landing on the assumption that he had decided to take a shower before heading out.

She wandered into the living room, her intention to wait for him on the couch before being drawn to his rucksack that was packed and sat up against the wall. Poking out from the opening she could spot the top of a bottle of wine, her stomach sinking at the sight. Shit. Her knowledge on pregnancy was limited to say the least but she did know better that to drink any and that alone would raise a number of questions, it wasn't like her to ever turn down a glass of wine when offered. Her eyes darted cautiously around the room, she needed to think creatively.

She listened out and could still hear the shower consistently running which gave her a window of opportunity. Ava briskly grabbed for the bag, snatching the bottle from the compartment and hurried into the kitchen. There had to be a similar sized bottle of something else in cupboards that she could swap it with. Anything that would stop her little secret from spilling out. She hastily rummaged through each shelf before stumbling upon a bottle that looked similar in shape, size and colour. Balsamic vinegar? That'll do. 

Ava switched the two bottles and hastily moved back to the living room to place the vinegar bottle into his bag.

She took a deep breath before making herself comfortable on the couch, trying to act as natural as she could. Hopefully he wouldn't notice before they leave...

Not too much later Joel appeared from upstairs. His damp hair slicked back and a fresh shirt had been put on. Her gaze raked up his body as she smiled sweetly at him. He always looked so handsome with his hair brushed back like that...her breath catching and a heat beginning to brew in her lower abdomen. Was there really any wonder in how she ended up pregnant with his kid? She couldn't get enough of him...was increased libido a symptom of all this? If so, she was definitely a sufferer...

"You ready?" He asked, seemingly unaware of her drooling stare.

Right... focus... She stood up with a grin and a bob of the head, passing him his rucksack.

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Joel had insisted on taking a horse with them in order to shorten the length of their journey but had still refused to tell her where they were actually going. She fucking hated surprises...The blonde wondered if he actually knew where they were going himself or if he was just banking on stumbling across somewhere by chance. After all they were just surrounded by forest, most of the time it all looked the same.

She hugged into the heat of Joel's back whilst he took full control of the ride as they gently plodded through blanket of snow. She couldn't help but think that walking would have kept them both a little more toasty, her palms sneaking up the hem of his coat to press against the warmth of his skin. A sharp hiss sucked through his front teeth at the bitter cold contact.

They rode for a couple of hours, following the flow of the lake before finally halting within a clearing of the trees.

"Here we are." Joel announced as he lightly tugged on the reins.

Ava peered around his arm, her focus settling onto the log cabin that stood perfectly central within the space.

They helped each other dismount before tying the horse onto a tree and heading inside, her hand tucked safely within his own as he lead the way.

Ava's eyes drifted over the impressive interior design as they entered into living area, warm rust coloured walls with a stone bricked fireplace and  a velvety brown couch- it was cozy. Her finger tips grazing over the oak wood surfaces as she admired the shaggy brown rug that lay atop the laminate floor boards, "This place is incredible. It looks untouched..."

Joel smiled fondly, he had a feeling she'd like it here, "I don't think anyone has touched it. It was even all locked up when I found it."

The blonde turned around, reaching out to clutch the seam of his winter coat then pulling him into an appreciative embrace, her face sinking into the smell of leather and cologne as she mumbled into him. "Thank you, I need this..."

He nuzzled into the top of her head as he held her, a content smile at knowing he did well. "I know, darlin'."

The pet name, his deep drawl and the strength of his arms cocooning her small frame had the butterflies in her stomach fluttering up and into her chest. Damn right she was his 'darlin'. Shit, she'd be whatever he wanted her to be...

Joel pulled back, his lips moving to explain what his plan was, "Listen, I'm gonna go get some wood for a fire, if you're happy to start preparin' dinner? Won't be long n' I'll give you a hand."

Ava gave him a single nod in agreement, the grin still wide across her cheeks before he completely pulled away and headed back out the door with a kiss to her cheek.

Before starting on food, she couldn't help but snoop around the house a little more. Everything about this place was beautiful from its homely essence to the blatant high quality furniture that had withstood a two decade apocalypse without so much as a scratch. She slowly ventured up the staircase, assuming that Joel had already cleared the place out but being cautious nonetheless and stumbled quickly upon the master bedroom. An instant decision made; this is absolutely where they were going to be sleeping tonight.

Her hands glided over the deep purple silk sheets. It's smooth soft surface leaving a satisfying feeling against the pads of her finger tips. A sudden desire to wrap those silky sheets around the soft skin of her naked body later that night- never had she felt so excited to fall asleep. She then wandered over to the vanity dresser and looked into the mirror at her own reflection, a huff forced from her lips as she recognised the obvious tiredness that consumed her face. She poked at the dark circles beneath her eyes before rummaging through the dresser drawers in hopes of finding something that she could use to revitalise and reenergise her appearance.

She was in luck as a small bag of makeup was stuffed at the back of one of the compartments. She opened it up and foraged through to find some still usable mascara, lipstick and thankfully a small tube of concealer. The make up was old with the mascara being a little clumpy and the concealer separated with the bottle but it would do.

She happily painted her face until she felt that she looked more human, massaging her lips together as she brushed them red. She smiled at herself in the mirror once satisfied before heading over to the wardrobe to see if any items of clothing remained inside. She opened the door to the closet, shocked to find it full with a range of styles and colours. She pulled out a number of garments, carefully laying out each item onto the bed whilst wondering what Joel would appreciate seeing her in the most. A small bemused smirk tugging to her lips as she imaged his likely response if she were to ask him, 'Rather see you wearin' nothin', darlin'.' 

It appeared that whoever did used to own this place was a similar size to her- what were the chances of that?! She already knew that she would be raiding this closet and taking back as much as she could possible ran into her bag.

She looked over the bed of clothes before her eyes landed on the red silk dress, the same one Ellie had picked out the week before. The blonde unable to resist the urge of trying it on.

She quickly undressed forgetting how cold the winter air was as her skin pebbled, before carefully slipping the dress over her body and gently zipping it up. She ran her palms down her torso, smoothing out any creases as she admired the way the gown hugged her figure in the mirror. This was definitely worth being cold over.

She opted to stay in the dress, after all there weren't many opportunities these days to get dressed up. For the first time all week she had managed to forget about her predicament for a little bit of time, the cabin providing the perfect distraction. Although, the realisation soon dragged the thoughts back to her head as her fingers grazed over her currently still flat stomach, wondering for how much longer she would still actually manage to fit into her clothes. She didn't even know how far along she was... maybe she could hide it for another month... possibly two or three if luck was on her side but then what? What would she do when the swell of her abdomen became too noticeable to ignore or hide?

She tried her best to put the thoughts to the back of her mind as she headed back down stairs to start on dinner. Tonight she just wanted to forget about it all and relax.

It wasn't long before Joel arrived back with an armful of logs that he strategically placed into the the fire place. He glanced over his shoulder to Ava who was hard at work in the kitchen, he couldn't help but instantly notice the recognisable dress she was floating around in. It looked better on her that he had imagined when Ellie pulled it from the closet and spoke her name one week ago. A warm smile crossing his lips as he approached her from behind, wrapping his thick arms around her waist just as he had done earlier that day whilst nuzzling into the crook of her neck. Red had very quickly become his favourite colour on her.

She leant back into his touch as he spoke lowly into her skin, "Y'know, I brought Ellie here with me last week. She actually showed me this dress and told me that she could see you wearin' it..."

Ava grinned at his words, "What can I say, that girl has good taste!"

Joel squeezed his embrace around her a little tighter, noticing the goosebumps that covered her arms in hopes that he could share some of his warmth with her, "You look damn good, baby but you're fuckin' freezing."

She chuckled lightly, appreciating his furnace like body encasing around hers like a cosy blanket, "Pretty hurts, beauty is pain or whatever the saying is... but you best get your ass over to that fire place and light it before I end up with hypothermia."

He placed a kiss on her temple before obeying her orders.

—————————————————————————

Dinner had been demolished without a crumb left behind before their attempts at cleaning up very quickly turned heated as they both decided that the silk sheet clad bed most definitely needed testing out. That pretty red dress almost being ripped from her body as she tried her hardest to keep the material intact whilst watching it crumple to the floor. Concluding quickly that yep, those sheets felt just as good on her skin as she had imagined, if not better as Joel forced her face and chest down into them as he enjoyed her body from behind... Well, it wasn't like she had to worry about him getting her pregnant or anything...

Sufficiently satiated for the time being they both decided to finally settle down in the living room by the fireplace.

The pair snuggled together on the couch with Ava sat with her legs across his lap and body tucked into his. Joel reached over, pulling a brown knitted throw over them for additional warmth as they both nursed a mug of hot cocoa. This really was perfectly cosy. Curled up in front of the fireplace with a blanket and hot drink, there wasn't anything more either of them could ask for.

"M'sorry about the wine. I could have sworn I packed it..." Joel admitted with a sigh as he absentmindedly caressed small circles into the blondes arm with his thumb.

Ava cuddled into his side, her hands still tightly gripped around the warm mug whilst her head rolled back into the pit of his arm as she gazed up at him. "That's okay, I prefer hot cocoa anyway."

That was a lie. She had been gasping for an alcoholic drink all week to help calm her anxieties. She didn't like lying to him but tonight had been so perfectly relaxed that there was no way in hell she was going to ruin it with her not so little life changing announcement.

She placed the now empty mug onto the floor before fully falling into his warmth and allowing his arms to once again encapsulate her- just like they were meant to. She took in a deep contented breath as she smiled happily to herself, "Thank you for this... it has been perfect." Her palm came up to cup his jaw as her thumb grazed over his bottom lip, her expression softening, "A handsome man and a night away...What more could a girl want?"

The relaxed smile on Joel's face slipped away as he took ahold of her chin and tilted her head up to face him. He gazed into her deep umber eyes before pressing his lips to hers, kissing her slowly and tenderly. Her hand remaining its gentle hold of his jaw as she tasted the sweet residue of hot chocolate on his lips. Something so much more than just desire igniting visibly between them. He pulled back, their noses still touching as her breath tickled his top lip. There was a certain glisten in his eyes as he gazed dotingly into her own, her heart fluttering at the unspoken words that seemed so obvious in this very moment.

"Tell me..." She whispered quietly as she caressed the side of his face.

"Question or fact?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper as his eyes searched hers for any reason of doubt.

She looked to him with adoring reassurance, a need for him to say it now more than ever before. For him to tell her that she's his, that she has a permanent home in his heart. "Fact..."

He swallowed thickly, almost able to hear the way his heart pounded within his chest. He had to tell her something he hadn't told her before. Something true about himself...a fact. He brought the pad of his thumb up to stroke over her cheek as he placed another delicate kiss to her lips, a kiss that felt almost too delicate for a man like himself to be capable of. Those meaningful pretty words leaving his lips so smoothly and so naturally, "I love you."

Her breath hitched at his confession, pulling his face back down to hers and licking into his mouth desperately, settling into a deep and craving kiss. One that spilled the build up of untold emotions and devotion.

He said it. After all these months of her hoping, he finally said it. Those three little words that meant something so huge, so monumental. He loved her. Her spare hand subconsciously moving over to rest on her stomach. Perhaps this was a sign. Perhaps if he loved her, he would be happy at the fact she would be having his baby? 

She knew she had to tell him but right now... right now she just wanted to enjoy this moment. 

A single tear rolled down her cheek as she smiled against his lips. He quickly swiped the trickle of wetness away with his thumb as she let out a relieved giggle, breathing out the words he so desperately wanted to hear back right into his mouth, "I love you too..."

Chapter Text

The rest of that evening had just become a blur as they melted into one another. It was as if time had stood still, the world around them stopped and nothing else mattered apart from each other's presence and gentle touch. Nothing else to do other than submerge into each others hold and allow themselves to each drown in this newfound warmth and sense of belonging. It was a long lost emotion for both of them, an emotion that they had both thought to have been taken from them alongside their loved ones many moons ago. An actual mutual love that was free to act upon without the fear of it falling apart. Without the fear that it would leave them vulnerable and be detrimental to their survival on this wasteland of a planet.

That singular night away from their reality just didn't seem long enough. White light trickling through the threadbare drapes and illuminating the lavish bedroom they came to reside in, signalling the end of their little break away. The purple silk sheets slipping away from her soft skin and exposing her to the brisk morning air almost felt painful. A sharp reminder that it was time for life to continue and the sudden hit of nausea that came along with the hit of cold, only served as a reminder to her hidden burden. The world had once again begun to spin out of her control and time needed to go on.

As soon as they both set foot back in Jackson, Ava felt the weight of the world back on her shoulders. She couldn't bare the burden of her secret much longer, not now... not now knowing how he felt about her, what he felt for her and how it matched her feelings towards him. She didn't know much about how the concept of family worked, she'd been without one entirely for the last fifteen years after all... but that was what this was going to lead to, wasn't it? This baby... and Joel... They'd become a family of their own, right? The one thing she did know was that you shouldn't lie to the ones you love. She just needed to work out the perfect time. A time and place where it was just them, in a safe space...

Again her thoughts were interrupted, this time by Ellie marching up to them with affliction slapped across her unamused face, Rufus bounding almost playfully alongside her. "Where the fuck have you two been?!" 

Joel gave her a questioning look, hands falling onto his hips as the teen spat her words, "I left you a note."

The teen mimicked his stance, her insolence seeping out as she slammed her eyes in disbelief. "Like fuck you did! Where?"

He scoffed at the sheer amount of attitude radiating off the kid. She had more nerve than most... but then again, she knew damn well that she could get away with a hell of a lot more than most. If it were anyone else speaking to him in that manner, he could assure them that they'd be leaving the interaction with a broken jaw... Not his little girl though, he'd never lay a single finger on her, no matter how she spoke to him. "Next to the kettle. Not that I need to explain myself to you."

Ellie nonchalantly shrugged, her attitude still sky high. "Well, I didn't see it and was worried."

"Well, we're both fine. Next time I'll leave a note on the fridge, then you'll fuckin' see it..." He sighed whilst muttering the last part of his sentence beneath his breath, referring to the fact that the kid was currently eating him out of house and home.

The teen heard him loud and clear, sticking her middle finger up to him in response as she turned on her heel and began to stomp away, "Dick."

Joel smirked as he went to follow after her before pausing with a furrowed brow upon noticing that Ava hadn't moved or actually now thinking about it, spoken a damn word since they got back. He glanced back over his shoulder towards her, finding her eyes vacantly glazed over, looking lost in her own little word.

"Darlin', you good?" He asked out of concern.

His troubled tone hitting home as the blonde quickly shook herself off with a couple of exaggerated blinks. No... not good but fuck, now's definitely not the time... She swallowed thickly, motioning her thumb to somewhere down the street. "Oh, I'm-yeah...I'm gonna head back to mine and-uh- unpack. I need to be at the shop in a couple of hours."

Joels brows knitted just that little bit more at her evasion and apparent yet seemingly sudden desire to escape his worrisome gaze. She had perked back up to her normal bubbly self whilst they were at the cabin; all playful and affectionate yet it seemed that as soon as they stepped foot back in Jackson she instantaneously retracted straight back into her shell. What was going on with her? His mind went into overdrive with a multitude of scenarios... Was someone here bothering her? He'd have something to say about it, if there was...Or was she getting second thoughts about them? Did he come onto strong last night? Force her into returning those three little words when she wasn't ready? Shit, was it him? "Mm, okay. I'll see you later?"

She nodded, a timid smile forced onto her lips as she broke away from the eye contact. "Yeah, I'll be done by five this evening."

He gave her one final unconvinced nod. A decision already made to get Ellie out of the house for a few hours (not a difficult task these days) whilst he got to the bottom of whatever this was...

—————————————————————————

The shop was quiet, most likely due to the snow storm that quickly enveloped Jackson within an hour of her returning, relentlessly replenishing the crisp icy ground with a new layer of fluffy white. Not many people would venture out into this kind of weather unless it was absolutely necessary such as patrols or a long planned supply run, the obscured vision proving the outside world to become even more brutal as the usual threats found themselves at even more of an advantage.

Unfortunately, this once again allowed her plenty of time to get lost in her thoughts. This same session of downward spiralling occurring on a loop over the last seven days. How is this real? It has to be mistake... Should she tell him? Should she wait? What was she waiting for? It wasn't going away... Could she make it go away?... She could but could she? No...She couldn’t…What the fuck should she even say to him? 'Hey Joel, I’m having your kid. By the way, I'm keeping it...' Would he even want this? Would he still be there? Would he flee? There it was again, that all too familiar twisted knot in her stomach and the bitter taste of saliva coating her mouth, she knew she wasn't going to make it to the bathroom this time as she grabbed for the small metallic bin with a wretch and immediately vomited. 

"Fuck..." She groaned with a stressed sigh, wiping the back of her sleeve roughly across her lips. At least she now knew what was causing the sickness... although, it was much less stressful before she knew... She preferred it when she thought it was a parasite that had made her it's host and not a whole fucking human being...

A single palm fell to rest over her stomach, right where the swell would soon become visible, her head dropping to speak to the unborn life developing within her. Her voice all but a murmur, "You're not making this easy for me little one...are you?"

She glanced down into the base of the bucket, an instant regret as her gut clenched once more at the pungent scent of last nights dinner combined with acidic bile. She inhaled a deep breath and held it as she slipped out the back to empty the regurgitated contents of the bin into the toilet and rinse it around. She then placed the bin back where it belonged beside the counter with a huff.

"Morning sickness my ass..." She muttered under her breath, resting her head in her palms. She had no idea why it was called morning sickness, she had been throwing up at all hours of the day. It was honestly a miracle that she'd only gotten away with puking just the once whilst they were out at the cabin, and thankfully it was at three in the damn morning when Joel was dead to the world and sleeping on his good ear... 

She let out another sigh. How could she not know her own body well enough to know that this was a possibility. She took what that doctor said as complete gospel. Maria was right, medical knowledge was no where near as advanced as it once was, she should have been more careful. Shouldn't have been so reckless with it... No matter how good it felt. Shit, she didn't even know how far along she was. Her menstrual cycles hadn't been regular since being stabbed so she couldn't go by that and even before that she had been stuffed with an IUD since the age of seventeen for reasons she’d rather not recall, she couldn't remember the last time where she experienced a normal monthly bleed. Her and Joel had been sleeping together more than just regularly since May. Fuck, what if she was already six months pregnant? That would mean only three months to prepare! No, that couldn't be right... She'd have a bump if that was the case? But then there was that one woman she met in a quarantine zone once who didn't get any symptoms, no bump or anything... God, this was all absolutely terrifying. She wasn't anywhere near ready for this level of responsibility... How could she-

" 'scuse me blondie, any chance of being served today?"

Once again she had gotten distracted by her own thoughts, this time being dragged back to reality by the presence of the latest patrol returning their firearms. A line of frost bitten men with fresh flakes melting into their hair queued at the front of her counter, each with that familiar exhausted expression that most of the patrolmen wore after an early start and shit route.

Her mind snapped back to the present with a thick swallow, her eyes settling onto a face that had become an aquatinted visitor within her own home, him stealthily slipping out of her house mates room during the early hours of the morning. Their paths coincidentally crossing one night as she herself attempted to sneak back into the house undetected after her own rendezvous... before of course rather quickly giving up on sneaking around and revealing hers and Joel's on-again relationship to the town. To fuck with their gossip and opinions... "I'm so sorry Rich. How long have you been there?"

Rich gave her a slightly menacing grin, "Just a couple of minutes, darling."

Ew. No. It didn't have the same feeling when anyone else called her that. That was something only Joel could call her and Joel only.

"Two seconds, I just need to grab my note pad."

She grabbed the book and slapped it down in front of him and with a wink she corrected his use of the pet name, "Oh and to you, my name is Ava. Please use it."

He smirked as he scribbled his name away, "I'm just messin' with you. I wouldn't wanna upset your man now, would I?"

The blonde matched his expression with an arched brow. "No, you wouldn't."

She took the rifle from his clutches as he gave her a final wink as he then left the shop allowing the next person to step forward. God, she had no idea how Maddie could have slept with him. She knew he meant no harm and that he had become a friend of Joel's over the months but she just couldn't help but find him so bloody sleazy.

—————————————————————————

Five o'clock soon came around and she was eager to clock out. A heavy fatigue taking control after travelling back from the cabin and then completing a five hour shift alongside a couple of bouts of 'morning' sickness. A dull throbbing ache had slowly formed within her forehead throughout the day, slowly becoming worse as the hours went by, one most likely induced by the stress and worry she had been carrying.

She trudged her way to Joel's before letting herself in through the front door and collapsing down onto the couch cushions, her head dropping into her clammy palms with what she thought was a quiet groan.

"What's wrong?" Joel queried as he appeared in archway upon hearing her deflated presence. A concerned scowl pressing to his face upon noticing her frame slumped on the couch. This wasn't right... usually she'd seek him out right away and bound straight up to him with her arms draping over his shoulders whilst pressing tender kiss to his lips in greeting... Today there wasn't so much as a 'hello.'

She gave him a weak smile and she could swear that she could physically feel the cracks in her facade... one's that Joel could so visibly see himself. "Just a headache, that's all..."

As quick as he appeared around the corner he then vanished again. His footsteps fading into the kitchen before reappearing just a few moments later but this time with a glass of water in one hand and the other clasped in a fist around something else.

He crouched down in-front of her and handed her the glass whilst placing two small white pills of paracetamol onto her thigh.

Her eyes dropped to the two pearly circles presented on the flesh of her thigh, a moment of skepticism as she raised a curious brow at the man knelt before her. Pain relief wasn't something that was readily available these days, if you needed them, you'd have to go to the infirmary and be questioned within an inch of your life before they would deem you worthy enough for such a luxury... at least that's how it worked in Jackson. Shit, she'd even seen some come out of there with damn stitches and still not be prescribed with anything other than 'plenty of water and rest'. You didn't get pain killers for simple headaches and the last time she checked... just hours ago... there had been no signs of injury on Joel..."Where did you get these?"

He looked at her softly, "It don't matter but they're the real deal. Take 'em and you'll feel better."

"You better not be dealing drugs, Miller. Council would have something to say about that..." A small chastising grin forming across her cheeks.

Joel huffed with an eye roll before prodding his finger into her leg, "You want them or not?"

"Yes..." She mumbled whilst gladly swallowing the pills and downing the glass of water. She placed the glass on the coffee table before looking back to Joel who was still crouched down with his palms rested over her knees and a concerned glisten in his eyes. Eyes that begged for her to open up and tell him exactly what's been on her mind.

"You gonna tell me what's goin' on?" He asked pointedly, his forehead creasing as he raised his brows in encouragement.

She hesitated as she searched his gaze, her teeth anxiously grinding together as she clenched her jaw. It took a second before her eyes fell shut just to escape his stare long enough to feed him her bullshit excuse. "I'm just tired, that's all..."

He sighed as he remained in front of her, fingers squeezing over her kneecaps, "I'm not buyin' it. You've been quiet all week n' you ain't ever not got somethin' to say..."

She turned her face away from his intense gaze. Her chest beginning to tighten uncomfortably at the notion of spilling her truth. The real reason she was being so vacant, the realism behind her fatigue... She didn't feel ready. How could she tell him when she couldn't even process this information herself?

His concerned state didn't falter, one hand travelling up to her forearm where his thumbs left gentle strokes against her tender skin. "Darlin', I can't help if I don't know so...tell me..." 

"Joel, please..." She sighed. Now was not the time to play 'tell me'. That was a little game reserved for those quiet moments when they were both relaxed. Right now, she was anything but relaxed.

"Tell me." His voice repeated, this time a little more firmly and his eyes that little bit less soft.

Ava rolled her eyes as she met his gaze once more. She really didn't want to play into this, "Question or fact?"

Joel gently squeezed her arm. "Question." 

The blonde could feel the anxiety briskly building up in her chest, the pressure expanding so much that it felt as if she could go into a cardiac arrest at any given moment... at least he didn't ask her for a fact. "Okay..."

His gaze softened once more but the trepidation was still very much present it his tone, "Is it me? Have I done somethin' to upset you?"

Oh shit, he was blaming himself for something he knew absolutely nothing about. She placed her hands on top of his and tried her best to reassure him,  "No. No, baby. You've not done anything. I- I promise it's not you."

Joel heaved an almost exasperated sigh and gave her a simple shrug, his voice remaining low, "Then what? I can tell that you're keepin' somethin' from me..."

Ava swallowed the thick hard lump in the back of her throat, feeling it slip down her wind pipe and get lodged in her lungs. Fuck, he wasn't going to let her go without an answer. If she refused then he'd continue to blame himself or maybe worse, he'd start to think that she'd been unfaithful or something. She had to be honest, that would be the first place her mind would go if he completely shut down on her all of a sudden for no apparent reason... She wasn't ready but fuck it, she was going to have to tell him- it was better than the potential of losing him.

She hadn't felt this fearful in a long time. She tightened her hold of his hands as she looked down and took in a shaky breath. Her voice barely above a whisper as she started to force the words out of her mouth, her entire body trembling. "Joel...I..."

She looked him in the eyes before continuing. He looked at her with desperation, eagerly wanting to know what she was thinking. She swallowed thickly, her heart pounding painfully at rapid speed, "I'm pregnant...it- it’s yours… obviously."

It’s yours?? Really? Jesus… Fuck, all this worrying and she hadn’t even planned how to word her confession, the words just tumbling out in a shaky mess.

Everything fell eerily silent as he just stared… blankly. So quiet that she could swear that she could hear the blood flowing through her veins. He didn't respond. She watched as his entire body grew rigid and his face dropped to an unreadable expression. Her whole world grinding to a very sudden grinding halt as she held her breath, anticipating any sort of reaction from him.

She felt her stomach drop as she gripped onto his hands a little more. Her clammy fingers quivering as her anxieties clung onto him as if to prevent him from running. Her voice still as quiet as a mouse and she found herself pleading for any sort of acknowledgement on the matter. "Joel...Please, say something…"

She could see the cogs within his mind turning as he so desperately tried to process the information he'd just been told and then it was as if it just suddenly all clicked in to place. He snatched his hands away from her, her grip leaving red padded marks on his flesh as he forced himself from her touch before stumbling back on his feet and taking a couple of steps back away from her. All of that familiar comfort, that love diminished to something so bitterly frigid within a matter of mere seconds.

His jaw clenched and unclenched as he stared at the floor, his brows pinned together. He breathed a response unable to look at her. "No."

No? That was his response? She could feel herself beginning to well up as the corners of her eyes prickled with a hot wetness. Any hope of him receiving the news well with open arms, now shattered as she recognised the distrust and pain in his eyes, "Joel-"

She was swiftly interrupted as his attention finally darted up to meet hers. The soft look of concern he had moments earlier had well and truly vanished into thin air. The warm honeyed flecks within his iris’s now turning cold and black as his furious glare bore into her soul. His stare so intense that she found it hard to keep eye contact with him, "No. You said you couldn't! That this wouldn’t happen!"

This wasn't going as she had hoped. His voice almost sounded accusative. Was he really going to stand there and accuse her of doing this on purpose? The tears had begun to spill and trickle down her cheeks and this time he wasn't there to wipe them away, "Please...I swear…I-"

He began to pace up and down the room, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers, "How long have you known?"

"I swear, Joel. I didn't think I-" The blonde cried.

His voice raised at the avoidance of his question "Answer me! When did you find out?"

Her breath hitched at the tone of his voice. For the first time, she felt herself feeling a little nervous around him. His large form towering over her now somewhat intimidating, a side to him that she had heard stories of but had yet to experience herself. She sniffled in trying to gain some composer, it was clear he wasn't about to console her in anyway, "A week."

"Fuck…" He sighed with a shake of his head as he continued to pace up and down, “This ain’t fuckin’ happening…”

Ava could start to feel anger bubbling up inside her. Last night he was telling her how he loved her and tonight he was treating her like this? She could understand that it was a shock but no matter what he was feeling she could assure him that she was feeling one hundred times worse. After all, it wasn't him that found out that a life was growing inside his abdomen after being told it wasn't physically possible. It wasn't him that would be left alone caring for a child if his partner decided to leave.

Her voice was still breaking as she spoke, "Did you even mean what you said last night? Or did you just love the fact that you could fuck me without a worry?!" 

Perhaps her words were too harsh but his reaction was almost childish… It wasn’t fair… How else was she supposed to feel other than furious and scared. She wasn't sure how she expected him to react but this sure wasn't it…

He finally acknowledged her words. Rigidly staring at her with an almost stoic expression, the colour completely drained from his face, leaving his skin sickly grey. After a second of nothingness he shook his head and barged past her, "I can't-I can't deal with this."

A wet disbelieving scoff huffed from her lips as she watched him stomp towards the door. How could she be so naive, so stupid? Of course he didn’t actually love her… what man would? He was no different from the men of her past, only wanting something pretty to stick their dick in and not have to deal with the consequences… That’s all she was, a warm body… Maybe all she’d ever be…“Well, I guess that answers my question… Absolute fucking asshole!”

He swiped his coat off the banister it was hung over without breathing another word before he left the house slamming the front door shut behind him, the forcefulness of the impact vibrating through the walls. This is what she feared more than anything. He left her. He left her stood there, frightened and alone whilst carrying his baby.

Chapter Text

Thinking straight was an impossible task. His fretful mind a haze of panic, trepidation and misdirected anger. Who was he even upset at? Her? Himself... He wasn't even sure at this point. So many thoughts and emotions coursing violently through his body, none of them being positive at this particular point. Close to doubling over from the sudden and rather aggressive bout of fear, he needed to hide himself away and figure out what the fuck he was meant do. He should have said that he'd have dinner at hers, at least then he could have escaped and hidden away in the comfort of his own home, bolting his bedroom door shut with a bottle of cheap whiskey in hand but no, he couldn't do that. Not whilst she was stood, telling him this bullshit in his goddamn living room. The next best place was the Bison. At least there he could freely drown himself in alcohol and pretend that this...this problem didn't exist for a period of time and so that's where he went.

He grabbed himself a clean tumbler from the counter along with the whole bottle of bourbon before slumping down into a stall on a small table in the corner of the room. After all, he felt like he was going to need a lot more than just a glass to help process this huge life change he'd just been informed about. He poured his first glass, tilted his head back and downed it in one before pouring another straight of the bat. It all felt thick and heavy in his chest before settling uncomfortably within his stomach, the alcohol just not going down well enough for him to forget. Unsure if the nausea he suddenly felt was a result of that or the fact that he had inadvertently created another life in this complete shit show of a world... That was the true bullshit in all of this; having to bring a kid up in an environment like this. It didn't seem fair.

He let out a heavily burdened huff as he rubbed a limp palm down his washed out face, the tension in his jaw causing his teeth to ache. The entire situation being a complete and utter nightmare. He didn't want any more kids. He didn't want anyone so vulnerable having to rely on him. That was a firm decision made as he held his Sarah's lifeless and bloodied body within his arms over twenty years ago. Never again, he wouldn't survive it if it were to happen again...and yet he still went ahead and got her fucking pregnant. How the fuck did he let this happen... well, he knew how. He couldn't be a father again, not now...How could he?  Not at his age and not with this relationship still being so new in the grand scheme of things. Shit, what must Tess be thinking up there? Over seventeen years of partnership with nothing to show for it and yet within a year of her death he had met, fallen and impregnated another woman. And what about his little Sarah? This felt awfully as if  he was replacing her. Accepting Ellie was one thing but he told himself that he was doing a good deed since she had nobody else but this kid, this kid would biologically be his. Fuck, he was replacing his dead daughter with another child... Then there was the fact that he was fucking fifty, he felt too old to be starting a whole new family... Would he be able to keep up with a child? Could he manage the sleepless nights? Would Ava be there or would she just dump this child on him just like Louise did with Sarah? Could he do it alone all over again? It was tough back then but now? Would he even live long enough to see this child into adulthood? What if he couldn't keep this child safe and it ended up having the same fate as Sarah due to his incompetency as a father?

So many goddamn negative thoughts wracked through his frantic mind. Why did he have to be so reckless? He should have been more careful. All he had to do was fucking pull out but no, he had to get carried away... every fucking time because she felt like a small dose of heaven on this hellish godforsaken planet. She was meant to have been infertile, that's what she told him. Had this been a lie? Did she do this purposefully to try and trap him? He'd heard of women doing this before... Women so desperate to feel loved that they'd go to any lengths...But if that was the case, why was she so hesitant to tell him? Was it guilt?

Joel took in a deep breath as he swirled the golden, alcoholic liquid around his glass. He couldn't stomach drinking it, slamming the tumbler back down onto the table whilst pinching the bridge of his nose, his elbows rested on the surface.

"Well ain't you gotta face like a slapped ass..." A familiar southern drawl voice called.

He tilted his face to the side, his hand dropping into a loose fist next to the coaster mat. Tommy. He was rolling a large oak barrel through the bar floor heading towards the cellar, a restock of fresh wine presumably.

Joel simply shook his laden head, dropping perturbingly to look back down towards his glass. A motion concerning enough to prompt Tommy to forget his task and join his older brother to pry.

"What's up big brother?" He asked, pulling out the stall opposite.

Joel didn't respond, couldn't even bring himself to look Tommy in the eye. He didn't even know where to start or if he should even say anything at all. People their age didn't go accidentally getting women pregnant... that's what careless teenagers would do... a fact he knew better than most. This was just heedless and shameful. Tommy seemed to be about the only person who was supportive of his and Ava's relationship besides Ellie, telling him might change that.

Tommy was quick to notice the still full glass and his siblings burdened demeanour. In his eyes, his big brother didn't experience uneasiness, hadn't done for years, not since... well... outbreak. He'd always run into situations bold and head strong and yet here he was so clearly looking out of his depth with... something. "The alcohol isn't numbin' what ever it is? Shit, must be somethin' bad..."

Joel clenched and unclenched his jaw, his stare pointed vacantly at the frosted pane of the window up ahead before releasing a strained sigh. If he couldn't talk to his own brother, then who could he talk to? He spoke quietly, more of a low mumble so much so that only Tommy could just about hear him, "She's fuckin' pregnant..."

Tommy lurched forward with his eyes widened in shock, "What, Ellie?"

The older brother dragged his focus to meet his siblings intense stare, he narrowed his eyes incredulously. Really? Ellie was his first guess? "No, not Ellie. At least she better fuckin' not be...that'd just send me to an early grave..."

Tommy leant forwards, resting his arms on the table with a puzzled look on his face, "Who then?....Ava?" The stiff ashamed tension that flickered over his siblings face was all the confirmation he required as the stupefaction returned to his own expression. "Fuck, you got Ave pregnant?!"

Joel nodded as he anxiously rubbed his eye with the heel of his palm. He found himself holding the air within his lungs as he anticipated Tommy's reaction.

The younger brother took a few seconds to respond. His brows raising and then twitching to a perplexed frown before rising once more with a staggered huff being forced through his lips. He slumped back into his stall, running a hand through his outgrown dark locks. "Shit...Maria mentioned to me before that, y'know...I thought that she couldn't..."

"You and me both." He responded dryly, finally taking another swig of his drink, grimacing as it burned down his windpipe.

Tommy scratched his head, "and you're sure she is actually pregnant?"

Joel shrugged, it's not like he stuck around long enough to ask the questions that he probably should have. "That's what she's tellin' me..."

The younger brother hesitated, taking note of his siblings dry and condemnatory tone before giving his opinion on a particular matter that had not yet been voiced out in the open. A response to a  question that had been on his siblings mind, "Y'know, I don't think she would have done this on purpose, Joel... If that's what you're thinkin'?... I've known her long enough to know that she ain't that kinda girl... but I think you already know that."

He shrugged again. The image of her frightened gaze as she sucked up the courage to tell him, flashing into his mind... the fact that she had held onto this burden privately for a week. How she had been so vacant and seemingly lost whilst dealing with this heavy weight alone. The way that she clung onto him as he confessed those three words impactful to her, as if they breathed some sense of confidence and relief into her.... No, he didn't truly believe that she had done this on purpose. Tommy was right, she wasn't that kind of woman. She had always been honest, brutally honest at times... it was one of the things he loved about her; he never had to question where he stood with her. He just needed to place the blame somewhere... Anywhere but on himself but seemingly there was nobody else to place it on. It hit all at one after accepting the accountability; the shame and the guilt. The ghostly apparitions of his past all disapprovingly shaking their heads; Sarah, Tess... even his goddamn mother giving him the same disappointed scowl she had done when he was just sixteen years old- not that he really gave a fuck about her opinion... but the other two?

Joel sighed once more, "I...I feel like I've let them down... Sarah 'n Tess..."

Tommy shook his head, his expression mimicking the pain shown on his brothers face as he recalled those ones who had fallen victim to the harshness of todays world. The empathy he had for his brothers inability to let go of the past, his ability to allow it to consume him and haunt his every movement for better or for worse. "Joel, you gotta stop thinkin' like that. They're both gone and ain't comin' back. You're allowed to continue to have a life and I'm sure they'd want that for you."

He swallowed thickly with brows furrowed, once again absentmindedly swirling the contents of his glass around, the immense weight of guilt still dragging his head and heart to the ground.

Tommy then continued, a small lopsided yet warm smile to his lips, "and whose to say that the both of them didn't have somethin' to do with this, huh? The woman who was told she couldn't have kids is now miraculously pregnant by a man who lost his?"

Joel had to admit, he hadn't thought of it in that way. Had always been a glass half empty kind of guy, a complete pessimist, always assuming the absolute worst- not that the path he walked ever did much to change his view of the planet to anything that resembled optimism... but perhaps all of this was the diversion he so desperately needed from that dire path; a fork in that road that would lead him to a more positive outlook. A barely noticeable curvature tugged at the corner of his mouth at his younger brothers words. Another slightly lighter huff breathed through his teeth whilst rubbing his forehead, "Shit, I'm havin' a kid at fifty..."

The younger brother chuckled, reaching forward to clap his sibling over the shoulder.  "You'll be fine, you've done it all before plus I ain't all that much younger than you and I'm managin' just fine. Ave is still young, too...Well, younger than us, anyway. She'll be able to keep up."

Joel nodded, his face considerably softer that it had been just ten minutes ago, those harsh lines smoothing over and instantly allowing him to feel just the slightest bit more youthful. He had to admit, talking with Tommy had made him feel a little better about it... It was going to be tough, there was no getting away from that but maybe, just maybe, a baby with a woman he did still love very much, wouldn't necessarily be a terrible thing to have happen...

The grin on Tommy's cheeks spread at the sight of his brothers sudden lift, "Congrats. You were a great dad before n' I know you will be again..."

A small lump formed at the back of his throat, a bittersweet sting prickling at the backs of his eyes as his thoughts drifted to a time when Sarah was oh so small and dependent on him. How her big hazel eyes would sparkle up at him with spaghetti stained cheeks whilst reaching out for him to hold her. He missed that. Missed that a lot.

"When did you find out anyway?"

Joel cleared his throat, looking down to his watch as Tommy's question pulled him back into the present day. "Uhh, 'bout two hours ago..."

Tommy's face dropped, knowing damn well what must have happened for his brother to be drinking here alone with a face like thunder just after finding out he was going to be a father again, "then what are you doin' in here and why the hell ain't you with Ave?"

The eldest Miller didn't give a response, his head dipping ever so slightly whilst closing his eyes. A piss poor attempt at avoiding the delayed feeling of chagrin that was a result of his previous thoughtless behaviour. Shit, Ava. She was probably having an absolute meltdown right about now. 

Tommy sighed, "You fuckin' freaked out, didn't you?"

Joel nodded hesitantly, his lips pulled together in a tight line, "A little, yeah...can you blame me?"

The younger brother grimaced with a snort, "You better get your dumb ass back to her and smooth things over... you gonna marry her?"

"No, I ain't gonna marry her." An incredulous snort forced through his nostrils, "Made that mistake last time and look how that worked out for me..." Joel sighed as he got down from his stool and put his coat back on, "I do need to go n' smooth things over though..."

Tommy nodded towards his brother with a smile, "My mouth is closed but seriously, congrats big brother. I'm happy for you both."

Joel gave a hesitant smile back before leaving the bar, "Thanks."

At least he still had his little brother to confide in when things felt tough.

—————————————————————————

His conversation with Tommy definitely did help. Maybe it was just Sarah's little way of encouraging him to move forward with his life. The apprehension still hadn't completely left him though. He knew that raising a child in this world was not going to be a walk in the park. There were so many new and life threatening dangers that could take his child away from him within seconds. One wrong call of judgement and it could be detrimental... He briefly thought back to his Sarah and then little Sam, two young lives that were stolen far too early from this god forsaken planet. As Bill had once said, men like him had a job to do, to protect the ones that they so dearly loved and he would do just that, protect this child with everything he had left in him. He'd do anything and everything to prevent his baby from having the same fate as Sarah.

It wasn't just the baby, though. No, it was more than that... It was her too. His possessive tendencies already stirring, the desire to ensure that Ava was kept safe and unharmed at all costs. The decision already made that she wouldn't lift a damn finger whilst carrying his child and even after he'd make sure that she would want for nothing. His to take care of in a whole new way... He just needed to make things right with her first...

He returned home first, in slim hopes that she had stayed there and waited for him. In hope that they could talk this through more rationally, that he could run her a hot bath and rub her back until she fell asleep in his arms.

"Ave?" He called out from the front door.

"She's not here!" Ellie's voice called back to him from upstairs.

There wasn't a moment of hesitation before he swung the partition closed once more and left the borders of his own home and hastily headed towards hers. It was the only other place she would go. It was her safe place for when she felt overwhelmed.

He got to her door, his boots on the worn bristled foot mat that read a faded 'welcome'- very warm and homely, very her. He didn't even bother to knock, barging his way into the hallway in an attempt to bypass her rather irritating house mate; another that had seemed to grow a disscontempt towards their relationship or rather just towards him. He didn't get very far before the very slight brunette shot her head from around kitchen and stomped her way over, a measly attempt made at squaring up to him.

"Um, do you not know how to knock?" She asked sarcastically. Her hands folding across her chest as she arched an unamused brow at him.

Joel sighed, already pinching the space between his brows. He had more than hoped that Maddie wouldn't be there, that she would be out doing whatever it was that Maddie did on a evening. He knew that she was Ava's closest friend but my god, she was infuriating at times, "Is Ava upstairs?"

The brunette looked at him as if she had smelt something repulsive, her grey eyes boring into his soul as she looked him up and down. A harsh judgement present within her glare, "Yes. She's been sobbing up there for hours. What the fuck have you done to her now?"

The fact she was asking was enough confirmation  to assume that Ava hadn't told her. Good. He shook his head at the woman in front of him, he really wasn't about to waste time arguing with her, "I don't have time for this."

He pushed past her and made his way upstairs. The woman's voice calling out shrill behind him.

"I swear to god if you upset her even more..."

He chose to ignore the brunettes empty threats. She wouldn't be capable of doing anything to him anyway, he'd snap her like a damn twig.

He arrived at Ava's door, slowly pushing it open. Her still figure laid down on the bed, facing the wall with her back to him. He could hear her quiet sniffles from where he was stood. Swallowing the thick lump of guilt that formed in the back of his throat as a sharp pang shot through chest.

He closed his eyes as he thought carefully on what to say to her, how to make this better. Poor was a understatement for his initial reaction, it was tactless and brash, the way he bellowed at her before abandoning her. More shame and affliction drowning him as he remained back, observing her. This was her first pregnancy, as far as he was concerned. She was experiencing this all for the first time and had been alone with it until now... he thought back to his first rodeo, how frightened and alone he had felt through the whole ordeal. How he had no one to turn to, nobody to confide in... Is that how she felt? Had he made her feel that way? Did she think she was now alone in all of this?

"Ave?" He called out softly as he gently closed the door behind him, slipping into the room.

She turned to face him, her eyes puffy and red from the tears that continued to pour. He expected her to go mad at him, threaten him with a gun again perhaps - and he wouldn't blame her either... but no, she just wept.

Joel edged towards her, sitting himself beside her on the bed. He wanted to touch her but refrained as he glanced towards his hands, brows furrowing, "I... I shouldn't have walked out like that... shouldn't have lost my head either... n' I'm sorry..." He hesitated before setting his focus onto the back of her head, "I-I meant what I said last night, every word... This...it just took me by surprise, s'all."

She slowly sat herself up next to him. Still sniffling as she managed to choke out a sentence, "I-I can't do this on my own. I can't do this with out you, Joel. I know you don't want this but I can't just have your kid and... and raise it by myself..." 

His eyes abruptly moved to meet hers. He looked at her with sorrow as the guilt really started to ramp up. Did she really think that he would just abandon them both? 

He shook his head and then wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close against him. His chin rested on the top of her head as she continued to sob into his chest. He tried his best to soothe her, "Shh, baby, I'm not goin' anywhere n' you ain't doin' any of it by yourself. I got you."

He continued to hold her until her sobs died back down to sniffles. He pulled back and took both of her delicate hands into his, "Darlin', look at me."

She did just that as her glossy eyes met his. He let one of her hands go as he moved his thumb to wipe away some of the tears from her cheeks, "I'm not goin' anywhere. I promise you, that I'll be right by your side every step of the way, okay? We've got this...C'mere"

The blonde swallowed the lump in her throat as she nodded. He pulled her back in close, cradling her head and holding onto her as if his life depended on it.

She looked up at him with reddened eyes all glossy and wet, her voice trembling as she spoke. "I promise you, I didn't know..."

Joel pressed a his lips to her forehead, a gentle kiss as he kept her wrapped within his embrace. "I know darlin'. I believe you."

He cleared his throat, his nose nudging at the top of her head to pull her attention, “H-how did…do you know-“

She cut him off with a sniffle, “Been sick for weeks. Maria made me do a test- she doesn’t know… don’t worry…”

He nodded, tucking her face back in beneath his chin.

Ava sank into him once more as her tears finally stopped and her heart rate slowed. He rubbed gentle circles onto the skin of her arm with his thumb, "Do you still have it? The test? C-can I see it?"

The blonde nodded as she reached over to her bedside cabinet and opened the drawer. She took out the small plastic stick and handed it over to him. He studied it carefully. Yup, there was no mistaking that. Two very clear lines. It was positive for sure.

"We're gonna have a baby…" She hushed as she watched him inspect the test.

Joel let out a small nervous chuckle. Yep, they were going to have a baby. This was fucking real.

He placed the test back into the drawer and closed it, before wrapping his arm back around her and pulling her back onto the bed so they were laid down face to face. 

He smiled weakly at her, "How are you feelin'?"

Ava giggled nervously, "Scared. Really fucking scared."

It was a stupid question really, of course she was scared. Even he was nervous about it all. It was totally unplanned and unexpected but as anxious as he felt, he knew that he needed to step up and be there for her. Joel reached his hand out to tuck the fallen tendrils of her soft hair behind her ear before stroking her cheek, "We're goin' to get through this. It's all gonna be okay, I mean it. I promise."

She leant into his touch with a small smile before her brow furrowed. Her voice sounding slightly nasally due to the excessive crying which only added to the humour of her threat, "I swear to god if you fucking propose, I will kick your ass into tomorrow."

He chuckled lightly before leaving a soft kiss upon her lips as he placed one of his hands gently over her stomach, "Don't worry darlin', I still ain't marryin' you."

The blonde laughed for the first time that day, "Good because I don't want to be pregnant on my wedding day…"

Chapter Text

With all initial shock out of the way and dissident emotions simmered down into a quiet lull, the remainder of that evening was spent discussing what to do next and what their future holds between gentle kisses and touches.

"What are we going to do?"

Touch.

"We'll figure it out, darlin'. Promise."

Kiss.

"We're gonna be a family, Joel..."

"I know."

Kiss.

Although Ava had to admit that feeling frightened of the prospect of motherhood was an almighty understatement, she was comforted by the fact that Joel had gone through this all before and knew exactly what the next steps should be. Soothing her heart in his arms as he mumbled his thoughts into her hairline. From visiting the nurse, all the things she'd need to cut out of her diet, how he'd start finding materials for a crib, the shop he had found on a recent supply run that still stocked those itty bitty baby grows for newborns- how he'll grab a few the next time he's out that way, how she needs to rest more, how she shouldn't strain herself in anyway but most importantly out of it all; how he loved her and that this was something that they'd be doing together. How he'd be at her side every step of the way from this very moment now and right up until that kid was grown.

And no matter how overwhelmed she currently felt, his reassurance- his promise to stay and hold her hand was all that she needed for that heavy weight in her chest to lift and vanish. She had no doubts that he was going to be a fantastic father, she could already tell, just by the way he cared for Ellie. She could only imagine the lengths he would have gone to for Sarah, his own flesh and blood. How he single handedly raised -well, both those girls in one way or another, was all the evidence that she needed to prove that no matter what the plan was for their own relationship, this tiny baby was always going to have their Dad within arms reach. That's all she could want... She just hoped that she could live up to him to be just as good as a mother- something she didn't ever expect to be.

This small child and this serene moment opening her eyes to a sudden, vulnerable yet beautiful realisation; she was always going to have her baby. When the days were long, cold and bleary; she'd come home to the sweet little voice of her son or daughter enthusiastically calling out for her. On the nights where terrors would ensue, she'd wipe away their tears and hold them to her chest, singing soothing lullabies until the sun rose. The big brown eyes (those were already a given) sparkling up at her as they spoke 'I love you, mama' and the little hugs around her knees, the evenings spent cuddled up on the couch, the weekends out in the woods collecting autumn leaves, the bed time stories, the constant of a full house... With her baby, she'd never be alone or without love again... With her baby, she would always have a sense of belonging- a family.

She tried not to let herself get too far ahead, tried not to fall head over heels in love with the life growing within her but it was so damn hard not to - a stark contrast from her thoughts earlier on that day. The wishes for it to just all go away, for everything to go back to how it used to be... What a selfish thought to have had, she now deemed it. 

There was so much to do, so much to learn and figure out but first things first, they needed to find out a little more about what was happening. Neither of them had any idea on how far gone the pregnancy was to start with. Joel was adamant that it must be fairly early on but could he really be sure? The controlled logistical side of his mind reassuring him that she couldn't be any more than three months along... there'd be a bump otherwise, right? Ava was still haunted by the memory of that one woman she met in a QZ once, the one who was completely flat at nine months along and gave birth on the bog. The story suddenly triggering the more anxious, distrusting side of his brain. What if he had got her pregnant the first time they fucked, that was...shit, over six months ago. Every time after flashing into his mind... the lack of any protection or precaution, the thrill it gave him to thrust his spend as deeply into her as he could get it as if his subconscious primal aim was to impregnate her the entire time... he couldn't lie, it had very much become a newfound kink of his... one in which he was a little gutted to no longer be able to indulge in once the baby was here- he certainly did not want anymore. In any other circumstance, the image of her splayed out and bared to him on his bed with his cum dripping down her thighs, would have had him more solid than an iron rod but for now it was only guilt that riled through him for how he'd put her into this predicament and then walked away. The number one priority was working out how long they had left to prepare... He of course also wanted to make sure that everything was healthy, both mother and the baby.

They had decided to keep the news between themselves for the time being, at least until they knew more. After all, there was still a small chance that the test was wrong...  although the once all encompassing hope that it was a false positive was diminishing with each second of their discussions. Perhaps this wasn’t a terrible thing at all? Even if it wasn't wrong, they quite enjoyed this intimate little bubble that they found themselves in whilst they came to terms with what was happening- why complicate that with other peoples opinions?

It was when reminiscing over the very first time he saw Sarah as a minuscule white blob on a monitor, remembering the flood of conflicting emotions as a sixteen year old father to be when Joel had remembered that some more medical equipment was brought back from a fairly recent supply run. Apparently the Fireflies did leave some items of use behind at the university in Colorado. He wasn’t completely sure what the haul of apparatus consisted of but it was worth querying at least. After gently reassuring Ava with a soft kiss that he’d be back within the hour with no further context to his plans, he went ahead and checked in with the infirmary to find out what they now had. It was just pure luck as the nurse grinned back at him, that they now had a functioning sonogram kit that they had been waiting to test out on someone. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t considered breaking into the infirmary during the night to steal the machinery for just a couple of hours but he had to be honest with himself, would he have the first clue on how to rig it all up and use it? No. Instead, and not without a mild threat of what would happen if they breathed a word to anyone, he had arranged an appointment for the next day with one of the nurses.

Ava sat in the waiting room, anxiously and consistently tapping the toe of her worn sneaker against the floor. This felt just as nerve wracking as when she took the test- this was going to make it all real- whatever the outcome. There were so so many what if’s, all weaving around the receptors within her jittery brain. What if something was wrong with her? What if there was something wrong with the baby? What if the scan shows that she was about to give birth at any minute?! Not that it was possible for her to even be that far along… What if the scan shows nothing?… What if after all this worry, panic, hope and acceptance there was no baby? Her constant tapping stopped as Joel placed a calming hand on her knee. Her eyes fluttering a few rapid blinks as she lifted her gaze to offer him a restless look.

A small bemused smile played across his lips as he softened into her trepidatious gaze, the pads of his fingers providing her with a supportive squeeze. He knew that it was impossible to avoid at this stage but he didn’t want to see her fearful, wanted to absorb every last drop of distress so that she could warmly embrace this whirlwind of a life change… perhaps that could allow him to welcome his second chance at fatherhood that little bit better. He couldn't lie, he was just as apprehensive but he didn't dare show it in front of her, "Hey, Ave…” He searched her anxious irises, all large and doe like, “It's all gonna be fine. Promise."

Ava took in a deep trembling breath and nodded her head, the tremor in her body to strong to comprehend a verbal response and instead settled for a tense hum in acknowledgement, "Mmhmm"

She was thankful that at least one of them were keeping their cool, glad Joel had subdued from his initial outburst because one of them had to be collected throughout this appointment and it certainly was not going to be her. She had to play cool and level headed for the whole previous week but now that she had told him, now she had someone to share the weight of her burden with, it was like that week full of buried emotion was erupting all in one go. In the last twenty four hours she had cried, laughed, panicked and smiled. She wasn’t entirely sure how to feel in all honesty… She knew that at thirty-two years of age, she was by no means classed as a young mother but was she truly ready for this level of responsibility?

He gently stroked her thigh with the pad of his thumb as they continued to wait, a futile attempt to calm her quivering nerves. He could feel every fibre of her quivering muscles tense beneath his palms and dear lord, how it felt like de-ja-vu. 

It wasn't too much longer before the nurse called them through, a short stocky women clad in blue scrubs poking her head from around the door of one of the appointment rooms, "Miss Monroe?"

The blonde plastered on a fake smile as she stood up and followed the nurse into the other room. Joel placed his hand on her shoulder as he stayed right beside her, just as he had promised. 

Ava carefully perched herself upon the examination bed, instantly regretting her decision to take a moment and glance around the room. It was the very same room she had woken up in all those years ago after being stitched up. Her core muscles clenching upon reliving the way her stab wound tugged painfully at her sutures with each and every movement she made. Her heart dropping as she was told so seriously that she’d never bare a child of her own, how that natural opportunity had been stolen from her without a choice… What a croc-of-shite that turned out to be- she could almost laugh in disbelief. It was funny really… how that the last time she was in here, she had expected death to follow soon after but yet here she was again, same room, same bed apart from this time, she was here expecting life. It seemed truly ironic. 

The room hadn't changed at all. Still the same off white walls (although it appeared that they had been refreshed with a fresh kick of paint), the same grey tiled linoleum floor and it even still had the same faded brown ring mark on the ceiling from some previous water damage- she couldn’t help but wonder why this hadn’t been painted over... She looked over to Joel who had pulled up a chair next to the bed. He really had no idea how thankful she was to have him at her side. The relief she felt when he came back to her last night shining a new warm light over the situation, his promise to be the father this little one deserves, the partner that she so very much needed. It was nice now, to not carry this burden alone. He gave her a reassuring nod before the nurse then started the appointment.

It seemed all very routine as the woman clicked her pen onto the note board, eyes narrowing at the assumed checklist of questions she was about to run though. "So before we start, do either of you have any known health issues?"

Joel simply shook his head before Ava explained about the origins of her scar, deeming it to be something that may need to be considered. "I, um, I was stabbed... you should have it on record though…happened, uh, fi-sorry-six years ago…roughly."

She swallowed thickly. Oh god, now she was nervous rambling…

The nurse flicked through the notes and gave an awkward nod, her lips pulled into a tight line. Most likely due to probability that the notes probably had some mention of her being supposedly infertile. She then looked back up to Ava with her brow furrowed, "So you think you're pregnant?… Says here that your fallopian tubes were damaged…"

Joel sighed, not waiting for his partner to answer. He didn't like the tone that the nurse had used, it almost as if she was implying that Ava was being ridiculous… as if she was stupid. His voice flat and stern, "She took a test. It was positive."

The nurse quickly glanced up to the man who's tone came across fairly course... or as Ellie would put it, his ‘asshole voice’. She then smiled weakly as she looked back to Ava, "Okay... well, there have been rare instances where tubes have self healed to a certain extent… and have you experienced any symptoms?"

The blonde nodded as she tried to stifle back a nervous laugh at Joel's interaction with the now all of a sudden more attentive woman. His people skills were subpar at times but she appreciated how he didn't think twice about standing up for her. "Umm, yes. I've had quite a bit of sickness, fatigue oh and uh...some…erm, tenderness." Her palms awkwardly cupping over her breasts.

She watched as the nurse scribbled away some notes in her pad. She had hoped the nurse would help calm her anxieties but this really wasn't the case. “Any bleeding at all?”

“Oh… not…err… not like a proper period or anything but I had some like… spotting? A couple of months ago…”

The nurse hummed her acknowledgment as her pen glided over the page some more. She then looked back to her with an additional question, "Do you have any idea of roughly how far along you would be? Normally we say from the last day of your most recent period?"

Ava shared a look with Joel before looking back to the nurse "I've never had a regular cycle… even more out of whack since the stabbing... my last one was nine months ago… I’ve only had that one instance of spotting since… which isn’t unusual… for me at least. In terms of when this happened, it could be any time within the last six months..."

The nurse took a sharp breath inwards and then plastered what seemed to be a forced smile onto her face. "Okay, no worries. Let's take a look. If you wouldn't mind laying back and lifting your shirt for me?"

The blonde obliged as she laid back and pulled her shirt up to reveal her abdomen. She could feel her heart thumping beneath her rib cage at a rapid speed, her eyes glued firmly to the ceiling. Her gaze moved to Joel as he took her hand into his own and intertwined their fingers. He offered her a small smile which she returned. His touch instantly soothing her.

"Okay. I just need to unbutton your jeans and then I need to put this gel on you, it might feel a little cold." The nurse spoke whilst plucking a misted white bottle from the counter.

Ava nodded and swallowed thickly. She winced as the cold gel was squirted over her stomach, an unavoidable flinch as the sharp coolness tingled her warm skin. Joel's eyes restlessly focused onto the small screen on the other side of the bed as the nurse pressed the scanner onto the blondes abdomen. She could see past the cool facade he had painted onto his face, the apprehension in his own eyes as he awaited the much needed confirmation much more visible than he had thought. Ava squeezed his hand affectionately as she too turned her head to observe the picture on the monitor, with a nervous breath sucked in. This was it.

The scanner was pressed into her lower abdomen and moved about until it reached the correct location and there it was. Right there, on the screen. Within the otherwise dark void, a tiny miracle was clearly visible. No more than a small white blob at this stage but still, it was real. This little life was all so real. At that very point any previous ounces of doubt left both of future parents bodies, each of their expressions softening into wonder. There it was, their baby…one that they had created… together. The product of the love that they had for one another. All they could do for a few moments was stare in awe.

Eventually, Ava managed to tear her eyes away from the screen and look to her lover with nothing but pure adoration, her eyes glossing over as she offered an astounded yet shaky giggle. She could swear that she saw him well up, not that he would ever admit to it. He had the same twinkle in his eyes as he did two nights ago when he told her that he loved her for the first time. The hand that was still encased with his own lifted towards his lips as he placed a delicate kiss to her knuckles, his warm eyes drawing back to the monitor to finish taking in the image of his son or daughter to be. Ava couldn’t help but gaze at him with a gooey smile; the way his eyes crinkled in the corners, the dimples in his cheeks as a rare smile tugged to his lips, how his grip of her hand didn’t falter, how he became lost in that precious image as if it had been something that he had yearned for, for many years. He could be bloody difficult sometimes but by god, she was completely in love with this man.

For the first time in that appointment the nurse appeared to have a genuine smile on her face. She pointed to the small silhouette on the screen "So there is some scar tissue over here, that’s what those darker grey areas are but this right here…” Her finger tapped against the developing infant on the monitor, “This, if you haven't already guessed is your little baby. Congratulations."

They both let out a gaspy laugh at the nurses confirmation. Both of them completely and utterly in love with the first sight of their unborn child.

"Joel, this is real…" Ava hushed to him, still with the same amount of pure adoration in her eyes. The warmth prickling her lash line finally spilling  down her cheeks as he leant over, palms cupping her jaw whilst another soft blissful kiss was pressed to her lips.

The nurse spoke once again, causing the seemingly elated couple to pull apart, both with an eager nod toward her words, "So, I'm just going to take some measurements to be sure but it looks like you're still in the first trimester at first glance- possibly aligning with the spotting you experienced."

The expecting parents both waited patiently as they continued to gush over their future shared child. Mom and Dad… now that was a strange but comforting thought… Ava had to admit that she felt more than relieved that she appeared to only be in the first trimester, all concerns of her giving birth on the toilet tomorrow vanishing from her mind- at least they still had plenty of time to prepare for their little one.

"Okay, so baby is currently sixteen millimetres long so for perspective that is around the same size as a raspberry. This would indicate that you are about eight weeks along, give or take a few days. That spotting you had? I can make an educated guess in saying that was most likely implantation bleeding- totally normal. I can also confirm that everything looks healthy at the moment so we can book you back in to have another look once you're at twelve weeks? I think it’ll also be wise for us to get the doctor to re-evaluate some of your notes and to have a closer look at your reproductive health as a whole…" The nurse explained with a smile.

—————————————————————————-

The couple left the infirmary hand in hand as they stepped back outside after arranging the next check up. The crisp snow crunching beneath their boots as the bitter air whipped at their exposed skin whilst they moved. Joel walked on ahead, his arm being abruptly tugged back as Ava’s grip slipped from his own. He glanced back over his shoulder to find her still stood just feet away from the infirmary entrance. She was completely frozen as she stared wide eyed and almost vacant at the ground, her nose starting to flush with a tinge of pink as a result of the frigid climate.

He walked back to her, concern etched over his expression as he encased her cheeks into his hands, cold to the touch whilst gently titling her head upwards so that their eyes met, "Darlin', you good?"

She remained rooted as her umber eyes meekly searched his. It had just suddenly hit her like a tonne of bricks that she was actually growing a whole new life. A life she would need to nurture and protect for as long as she lives. She was going to give birth and become a mother. It was all so warm and beautiful inside that room but now, outside in the cold, back in the real world? Fuck! This was happening- this was very, extremely real and final.

Joel could feel her tremble under his touch as she finally answered, her voice no more than a stunned squeak, "S-Seeing that just made everything- all of this, really, really fucking real. Joel, there is an actual baby- our baby, growing inside of me… Wh-what if I’m a terrible Mom? What if they grow up hating me? What if you end up hating me?"

He could completely understand and appreciate her drastic change in emotion, he himself had experienced something similar upon Sarah’s first scan. The excitement and wonder fading back into a new and more vicious slap of trepidation and worry. A worry that would never truly go away, even after birth. A positive test was one thing but actually being able to physically see the life that was growing into a whole human was an entirely different feeling altogether…but where as that seemed to put the fear of god into her, this time for him, his apprehension had vanished the very moment he set his eyes on that scan and now he had never felt so confident about anything. They were going to share a child and they were going to become a real little family.  His family. It was going to be so very different this time round… "Hey, look at me. I ain’t ever gon’ hate you and I also know that you are goin' to be a great mom. We’ve got this, baby. You’ve got this."

His words sent warm tingles coursing through her body, willing her to thaw from her rigid stance. She just had to trust his words, that’s all she needed to do, all that she could do. This wasn’t his first rodeo, he’d done this all before with a less than adequate mother so if he could see the potential in her then she’d just have to believe it. Her bottom lip quivered as she threw her arms over his shoulders and buried her face into the crook of his neck, warm breath fanning the chilled skin of his throat as she mumbled into him, "I love you…"

His body embraced her tightly, squeezing out all of the anxiety she was holding. He truly believed that together they stood a chance at giving this child a good life. A life with two parents that loved one another, an older sibling to help show them the way and as close to a stable home as was physically possible in this day and age, "I love you too, mama."

—————————————————————————

With some additional encouragement alongside tender words of love and support, the pair made it back to Joel's. Both curled up on the sofa beneath the old threadbare throw with the heating on and a light hearted movie playing in the background.

Ava sipped from her steaming mug. It appeared that hot cocoa was going to be her drink of choice now that she was having to monitor her caffeine intake. She had tried to persuade Joel to ditch the coffee as well whilst she was pregnant for moral support but that was one argument she definitely wasn't ever going to win. If there was one thing that this man was not going to give up for her, it was his coffee.

"How do you think Ellie is going to take the news?" She asked. Ellie was the one person she felt concerned about. She didn't want her to feel pushed out or alienated by the fact that they were having a child of their own… The father-daughter-like bond that her and Joel had forged was special, and there was absolutely nothing she wanted to do less than come between that.

Joel smiled warmly, tucking the loose blonde tendrils of hair behind her ear. He already knew that the teen would be ecstatic to learn that they were expecting- there was not an ounce of doubt in his heart about that. He knew the kid was only trying to wind him up but she had whimsically asked a couple of times now to when she would get a 'sibling', “Don’t think we got anythin’ to worry about on that front. She thinks you’re good f’me n’ I think she's goin' to be real happy about it."

A wide smile grew across the blondes face as she snuggled herself into his side, big doe eyes beaming up at him, "When should we tell her?"

Joel pondered on the question. He'd want to tell Ellie before they told anyone else but at the same time, he knew how high risk the first trimester could be. He'd hate to start telling people just for the unthinkable to happen. He also knew that Ava would enter the second trimester around Christmas time which gave him an idea, "I reckon, we should wait for another month…" 

Ava’s brows furrowed as she calculated the dates in her head, them soon softening upon realisation, promptly rising up to place an approving kiss to his cheek,  "I like that plan."

Her sweet smile then turned to a slightly sheepish one as she calculated back a slightly different date… "Y'know, I also just worked out what happened roughly eight weeks ago..."

Joel chuckled, he'd figured that one out as soon as the nurse advised them on how far gone she was. Eight weeks ago was the end of September...He couldn't help but think of it as another sign. Perhaps, it was a little gift from Sarah, her telling him to move on with his life. 

"Yeah, I know..." He started with a jesting sigh. He felt mad saying that he believed that his deceased daughter had something to do with what seemed to already be a complete and utter miracle and so he kept that to himself,  "Apparently, you also wanted to give me the gift of fuckin' life as well. I'm goin' to burn that damn red lingerie of yours."

Ava laughed as she reached up to his jaw and pulled him into a slow but tender kiss, "Mmm, I don't recall it being the lingerie that impregnated me…" 

Joel chuckled against her lips with a boyish grin. “Those red stockin’ definitely had somethin’ to do with it.” 

She just looked so goddamn good riding him whilst wearing it, all curves and soft lace. There was no way he could have controlled himself. He quickly forced the mental image to the back of his mind before he became too flustered.

They both pulled back as they rested their foreheads against one another. There was one other thing that had played on Joel's mind since she told him about the baby. His brow furrowed as he carefully thought about what he was planning on asking and how to best word his proposal, "So, I've been thinkin'..."

"Joel Miller and thinking. Now that's something I thought I'd never see…" The blonde quipped with a smirk.

He let out a bemused snort at her comment before continuing "I want to be there for both you and our kid...permanently…” His right hand coming to rest over her stomach, “I want us to raise our baby together... as,” his brows pulled together whilst swallowing hardly, “...as a family but that ain’t gonna be easy if, well, Y'know, we're livin’ under different roofs…"

Ava giggled as she allowed herself to place another sweet kiss onto his lips, "Is this you asking me to move in with you, Miller?"

Joel grinned against her mouth as he reached his palm up cupping just underneath her jawline, the pad of his thumb massaging over her cheek, "Yes, Monroe. That's exactly what I'm askin'."

Chapter Text

1st December 2024

It had been a week since Ava had officially moved in and she was certainly making herself at home. The place had been decorated by vases of flowers, various throws and blankets, the furniture had been rearranged at least twice and the wardrobe was now filled to the brim with her clothes alongside the few recirculated garments that Joel owned. The place needed a woman's touch and that was something she certainly provided.

There had been some questions regarding the sudden change to living arrangements, especially from Maddie and Ellie but they had managed to pass it off by saying that it just felt right to move their relationship to the next level. Of course, they had strategically left out the small minor detail that they had actually skipped in the ball park of around fifty additional levels and that Ava was actually less than seven months away from having his kid... Tommy appeared to be if a little bewildered by the sudden progress, ultimately pleased for them. Maria was... skeptical at best, not that either of them had expected anything different from her...

Ava carefully made her way down the stair case with her rucksack heavy with various vegetables and other supplies, she was about to sling it back over her shoulder before it was whisked out of her clutches as Joel all but ran up the first three steps, "Darlin', what have I told you about heavy liftin'? Ain't good for the baby."

"It's just a bag, Joel." She snorted with a lighthearted roll of the eyes. Since moving in, he hadn't wanted her to lift a single finger. It was sweet how he was looking after her if sometimes a little overbearing, it's not something she had ever experienced before. It was him who unpacked all of her belongings, him who rearranged the furniture whenever she had an idea, him who did the majority of the cleaning. She put her foot down when it came to cooking, that was something that she was adamant on. If she was living here, there was no way in hell that she was living off of his shitty cooking seven days a week. She managed to deep clean the kitchen the other day whilst Joel was out on patrol, that was nice... even if he did still give her a lecture when he did eventually arrive home on how she needs to be more careful on what chemicals she was breathing in, an what would have happened if she slipped off the chair she used to reach the top shelf of the upper cabinets. His expression had been a exasperation of held back irritation as she simply shook her head with a chuckle before planting kiss to his cheek and moving past him with no further comment.

Joel responded with no more than a grunt as he slung the pack over his own shoulder and meandered back down to the entryway. He paused at the front door, his fingers hesitating as they reached for the knob.

"I still don’t think you should be comin' with me. All it takes is for you to fall from the horse..." He trailed off, not glancing back as his brows knitted together.

Ava sighed, her palm coming to rest flat over his shoulder blade which forced him to look back at her with a genuine concern, "Honey, if you had your way, you'd have me locked in that bloody bedroom and not let me see the light of day until this baby is out..."

"Damn right I would."

"Yeah, well. That ain't happening, can tell you that now."

"Hmph."

The blonde smiled sweetly, moving onto her tippy toes to place a quick peck to his lips before drawing back within less than a second and proceeding to move ahead of him. She could sense his shoulders tense as she reached for the door handle herself, another huff expelling from her lungs as she made her grip firm and final, "Joel, you gotta relax. I'll be fine. Florence is expecting me to do her hair, I'm not going to let her down. Anyway, you can't go on your own- you'd probably end up saying something to piss Marlon off. Your social skills are shit."

"Your social skill are shit," He mocked, "Like what?" 

"Shit like that for a start." Turning to face him with a hand on her hip and brows raised, it was almost as if he was trying to prove her point true, "and last time you spent twenty minutes pulling apart the architectural structure of the cabin... the cabin he single handedly built and maintained for fifty odd years. That pissed him off, I can promise you that!"

"Yeah, well... he did a shit job n' that's why he now needs me to help 'im reseal the windows. If he did it properly in the first place then they'd be fine..."

"You're infuriating sometimes, you know that?" Ava snorted, pushing the door open and allowing the chilly external breeze to filter into the home, "Anyway, my point is that I'm still going with you and there isn't shit you can do about it."

"Move your ass, you're lettin' all the heat out the house..." Joel sighed as he closed the door behind them. There was no point in arguing with her at this point, it would just be futile. He hadn't realised just how down right stubborn she was until she moved in. If he had his way she wouldn't be leaving the safety of Jackson, at the very least not until the baby was here but she was having none of it. In his eyes, it was his responsibility to protect them both, his family. It was a fear that he had buried two decades ago, one that Ellie had unearthed and shoved the key into and one that Ava had fully unlocked with the imminent promise of a biological child of his own. Late nights spent painfully awake with her nestled into his side, his mind filled with one hundred sickening scenarios. The flashbacks of Sarah's colourless cheeks and dead eyes as he gripped her lifeless form, his own body smeared in her still warm blood, had his lungs gasping for air as his heart hammered brutally against his ribs. He couldn’t go through that again, he’d never survive it… Every ounce of him terrified that something would harm Ava and take their unborn child from them, he wasn't sure if he could live with himself if anything were to happen to them. He couldn't lose his family again...

They walked side by side down the street. His face would have been seen as his usual stoicalness to most but living in each others pockets had given her a vantage point in seeing through his walls. The way his drawn brows twitched so slightly, how his jaw feathered so subtly, the way his fingers looked so rigid as he moved. She could see the anxiety he tried to hide seeping through the cracks. A part of her wanted to feel guilty that she had pushed him so far out of his comfort zone but the other part was adamant retain her independence for as long as possible. She could see how it would go if she backed down and stayed behind, how the fear would continue to feast on him, how he would continue to restrict her with bubble wrap more and more as time would go on. It was all out of love, she knew that but she couldn't allow for that to happen. 

His mind appeared to be somewhere else as she gazed up at him, moving her hand to slot into his, lacing their fingers together. Her touch seemed to snap him out of whatever thoughts he was having successfully, meeting her gaze with one much softer than the tense look he sported just a second earlier, a small smile tugging at his lips. The remainder of the walk spent firmly hand in hand as they made their way to the stable block to tack up. Joel had specifically chosen to take Freddie. He was a slightly older gelding that moved through life at a more leisurely pace, he would be described as what was known as 'bomb proof' meaning that he wasn't easily spooked. He was used mainly for riding lessons these days, perfect for beginners. He wasn’t much use to the patrol team, he didn’t quite have enough oomph or sharpness in him to get his rider out of any precarious situations should they crop up but he was more than ideal for a steady plod through the forest- perfect for today. It may cause their journey to take a little longer but at least he would get them both there and back safely.

Joel crouched down to help Ava onto the steed by providing her with a 'leg up', he didn't want her to potentially strain anything by mounting independently from the ground. She slammed her eyes but ultimately obliged, stepping her left boot into his palms as he heaved her up onto the animals back. Once she was successfully on, he stepped back, his heart jolting at the unexpected hand taking a tight grip on his shoulder.

He glanced down to the familiar fingers clasped over his shoulder and then back to the person they belonged to. Tommy. He hadn't even heard him approach let alone seen where he appeared from.

"Remember, council meeting tonight. Be there." The younger brother reminded as he removed his hand.

Joel nodded nonchalantly, waving a dismissive hand in the air. "Yeah, yeah. We'll be there."

He had no idea why Tommy was so desperate for him to be there. The meetings would take place on the first of each month, a localised time and place where important announcements would be made that affected the community and would also offer a place where residents could raise any concerns that they may have. Joel had attended a few of these meets when he had nothing better to do but definitely not all. He often found himself zoning out as Tara would complain about the Bisons toilets being unisex or whilst John from down the street grumbled about the towns youth making too much noise near his home- it was all very trivial matters, usually, which was beyond maddening to him- were they not past this? The goddamn world had ended and this was what their gripes were? Anyway, Tommy would usually just fill him in on anything urgent that he’d missed. He guessed that something of particular importance would be discussed on this occasion if Tommy was forcing him to go.

—————————————————————————

The pair arrived at the now very familiar cabin in good time and most importantly, all in one piece. The trek there had been peaceful if not a little chilly. Ava found herself some form of warmth as she wrapped her arms around Joel’s waist and stuffed her frozen fists into his coat pockets whilst snuggling into the width of his back, his broadness offering a wind-breaker to the brisk winter-esque breeze that instead whipped across his own cheeks as they rode, flushing them red. It was definitely a relief to see the familiar plumes of billowing smoke just over the verge. This had been the fifth time they had visited the old couple since their initial visit. Ava had bonded with them well with her abundance of smiles, chatty conversation and offerings of help. As for Joel? Well, he tolerated them and they had gotten used to his aloofness in return. 

Marlon met them both at the door with a smile stretching across his cheeks as he set his sights on Ava who instantly reciprocated his expression, "There she is, our ray of sunshine," he then turned and nodded towards Joel stolidly, "Joel."

He nodded back equally as phlegmatic, "Marlon."

They followed the older man into the cabin and took a seat in the living area. Joel sat with his legs slightly spread out, allowing his knee to brush against the blondes. He didn’t do big displays of affection, not when he wasn’t within the comfort of his own four walls- it just wasn’t in his nature but none the less, he found himself wanting to make his position in the woman’s - his woman- life transparent and so a subtle brush of the knee or hand here and there did it’s job at confirming the romantic nature of their relationship. Ava's smiled smally to herself at the inconspicuous display of affection before her eyes darted over to Florence's empty chair and her face flickered with concern.

Marlon was quick to notice her expression faltering as he followed her line of sight, not hesitating a beat to reassure her, "Ah, don’t worry about ‘er. She’s still here. She's out back making ya both some soup, it's gotten bitter out there. You must be freezing."

As if on cue the old woman then appeared into the room along with two steaming ceramic bowls and handed them one each, "That should warm you both up."

They both gladly took the bowls, placing them within their laps and wasting no time in inhaling the boiled content. They should have made time for breakfast before they headed out but the light bickering had them side tracked, which only lead to a further (only slightly tense) back and forth about an hour into their journey. They were inadvertently learning more and more about each other with each passing day for better or for worse. Today, Ava learned that Joel very much suffered with becoming hangry- Did it really come as something unexpected? No. The real question for her was how in the hell did Ellie put up with him when they were out on the road?? She decided better than to query this at that particular point- that was a question for Ellie when they got back…

"Mmm, this is really tasty. What's in it?" Ava queried as the flavoursome liquid warmed her throat.

Florence gave her an almost prideful smile "Potato and Cabbage."

“It’s really good, isn’t it Joel?”

Joel placed his bowl down on the side table with a confirming hum before beginning to empty out the contents of their bags, "We've brought you some more vegetables, there's some lamb chops that you'll need to freeze down, I've managed to get you some tools and also a first aid kit."

Marlon gave a half smile as he picked up a hammer and inspected it, "Thanks, we appreciate you doing all this for us."

Joel gave a small nod before sitting back and placing his palm over Ava's thigh and offering a light squeeze, "Yeah well, she's got a good heart…"

The pair finished their soup and helped clean up. Joel stayed with Marlon to help him fix the seal in one of windows that had been letting a cold draft through, whilst Ava washed and trimmed Florence's hair over the kitchen sink. It was one of the first thing she had noticed about the older woman, not just the sheer length of her locks but the sheer amount of damage that left the ends thin and scraggly.

The older woman leant her head back over the sink whilst the blonde worked the soap and conditioner through her grey lengths before rinsing it out with warm water.

“When was the last time you had your hair cut?”

“Over twenty years ago. I miss going to the salon…”

“I bet… Never tried yourself? Y’know, to cut it?”

“Used to… Not for a long time, though. It’s not the same as the salon…”

Ava’s lips tugged at the corners as she aimlessly ran her fingers through the wet tendrils of hair filling the basin. Her mother always used to trim her hair when she was a child, her only experience at a salon being when her Mom would go to have her hair coloured and trimmed. The memories were vague- she wished they weren’t. Her mothers face gradually becoming increasingly difficult to remember as the years went by. She could remember the black capes and the strange helmet type driers that some clients used to wear. She could remember sitting on the chair besides her mom, feet swinging as she played Harvest Moon on her sisters game boy. The final thing she could remember was how pretty she thought all the hairdressers were, their hair always trendy and make up always done nice- they always seemed chatty with a smile on their faces too- She wanted to be a hair dresser when she grew up. She couldn’t help but ask, to help paint a better picture for the faded memories she had been left with, “How often did you go? To the salon I mean…”

“Every month. Marlon would get paid and he’d drop me there. I’d have my ends trimmed and a big bouncy blow dry each time.”

“W-what was it like?”

Ava could see Florence’s brows subtly furrow, as if she was trying to calculate something in her mind, “How old are you?”

“Oh, um… Thirty two… Well, actually it’s my birthday in February so almost thirty three now really…”

The knitted brows softened to an almost sympathetic expression as Florence mentally noted that the younger woman would have only still been just a child at the time of outbreak. She understood instantly what Ava was trying to do, “Your Mom used to go the salon?”

“Yeah,” The blonde stiffly nodded, “she’d take me with her sometimes… I don’t remember too much, though.”

The older women smiled gently, “It was relaxing. A little break away from life. I used to like the little head massages they did when they washed my hai-”

“Like this?” Ava interrupted as she began kneading her fingers into her scalp.

“More gentle… that’s it… You’re a natural. If I close my eyes, it’s like I’m back there!”

The two giggled amongst themselves as Flo reminisced her appointments at what was once her local salon. How it relieved any stress, the pretty smells of various hair products, the lemon waters she was always offered- or vodka lemonades dependent on who was working! The gossip, the magazines and how she always left with a smile on her face and the next appointment already booked.

There was a few moments of silence as Ava filled in the gaps from her own memories, she noticed the way that Florence was staring up at her, eyes narrowed in curiosity. She arched an eye brow in question to which a mischievous grin started to creep across the older woman’s face, “I think I have some gossip for this appointment...”

“Oh? Please spill…”

The blonde watched inquisitively as Flo’s grin fell to something more knowing but warm, "You have a certain glow about you…" She stated, eyes falling to Ava’s stomach in an obvious manner.

Ava couldn't help but smile to herself at the comment. It had taken her back slightly. She had heard that pregnancy gives a certain 'glow' but she assumed that would happen later on down the line. Was it that obvious? She briefly glanced up towards Joel who continued to work on the window oblivious to her gaze. The smile grew wider on her face. It seemed like a silly thing to have done but she had started to see the older couple like the grandparents she never had- an extension of the family she was slowly building for herself. It wouldn't hurt to tell one person, would it? It's not like Florence would be telling anyone other than her husband- herself and Joel appeared to be the only human contact they had outside of one another. She sucked in a breath, still beaming as she quietly confessed, her palm falling to cup over her lower abdomen where Flo’s focus had fallen.

 "I'm...” She paused a beat to motion towards Joel, just in case they hadn’t been conspicuous enough, “we're having a baby..."

The older woman's eyes lit up in excitement of her confirmed news, “I knew it!” 

Causing the blonde to let out a little elated giggle. She knew that the news wouldn't necessarily be as well received at home so having someone that seemed genuinely thrilled for her- for them, was nice.

"Marlon! Did you hear that?" Florence called out, her head lifting from the sink. Both him and Joel swiftly swivelled their heads towards the women before she proceeded, "They're having a baby!"

Joel's eyes darted up to meet Ava's, his expression looked slightly unamused if not tense as she mouthed ‘I'm sorry’ with a less than apologetic toothy grin on her face.

He couldn't help but soften and give her a lopsided smile. He liked seeing how excited she had become in the last few weeks about what their future held. All that fear and uncertainty that she (and he) seemed to harbour at the start seemed to have vanished the moment he presented a small bag of baby grows and pacifiers  that he had come across on a recent run, claiming that they needed to start preparing. It was going to be different for him this time around. She wanted this. She wanted this baby- his baby and she wanted him. His cold heart ached beautifully each time he reminded himself.

Marlon gave Ava a warm smile before turning to Joel and giving him a friendly pat on the back, "Bravo, Sonny. S’gonna be a lucky kid…"

His words may not have seemed much but to both Joel and Ava, it provided them with the comfort and reassurance that someone outside of their little bubble thought that they would do a good job together.

Joel's smile hesitantly grew to a full one as he responded to the older man with a curt nod, "Thanks."

They stayed at the cabin for a couple more hours until the window had been successfully fixed and Florences hair was dried and trimmed before heading back to Jackson.

It had become routine for Marlon to wave them both off from the front porch, watching until they disappeared over the verge.

“Joel!” He called out, “You look after that girl of yours!”

Joel’s arm snaked around Ava’s shoulders, pulling her into his side, “Ain’t lettin’ her outta my sight!”

—————————————————————————

Once they arrived home, they only had a short period of time to get dinner sorted and eaten before they had to then make their way over to the town hall for that months council meeting and so a heated tin of Chef Boyardee lasagna was what was on the menu.

“Prefer the beefaroni…” Joel grumbled shoving his last forkful into his mouth.

Ava grimaced whilst scraping her left overs onto his plate, “and I prefer anything that isn’t twenty year old canned garbage…”

By the time they arrived, the hall was already pretty packed. Maria was sat on a bench which she had seemingly reserved for them.

Ava went straight over to greet her friend whilst Joel hung back opting to grab himself a glass of water from the refreshments table that had been set up.

He watched as Maria passed little Charley over to the blonde who happily cooed and bounced the six month old on her lap. Her face lit up as she spoke to him and the small child beamed back at her. Joel couldn't help but watch in awe, losing his train of thought completely as he stood next to the water dispenser with an empty glass. His whole demeanour visibly tenderising an uncharacteristic amount with a gentle half smile unmoving on his lips. She was a natural and was going to make such a wonderful mother, he just knew it. She was warm, caring, understanding and kind... everything you would want in a Mom… everything Sarah should have had when she was…

Tommy approached at his side, clocking Joel's expression and following his gaze to what he was looking at. He grinned as he gently nudged his brother out of his apparent stupor, "Jus' think, this time next year she'll be doin' that with your kid."

Joel snorted a small laugh in agreement. It was maddening to think that they'd have an almost six month old in just a years time, "Yeah…"

He then gestured towards the infant, "He's growin' fast."

Tommy smiled happily as he watched his boy, "Yeah, times flyin' by. It only felt like yesterday he was born… How’re you holdin’ up now?"

“M’good… Can’t wait if I’m bein’ honest… I’ve missed…” He trailed off, brows knitting together. Missed being a father… Yeah, he had Ellie but he’d only picked up with where he left off with Sarah. He was certain that his opinion would change once in the thick of it but he was looking forward to the sleepless nights… looking forward to wiping the crocodile tears from cheeks, the first words, the first steps, being bombarded the very moment he entered through the front door after a long day out on patrol. He was looking forward to just being a Dad again…

The younger brother smiled knowingly before looking to his wife who now sat at the panel in front and then to the blonde who was still happily sat bobbing his son on her lap. "Just so Y'know, I've not said anything to anyone…"

With that Ellie came bounding over to them both, "Not said anything about what?"

Joel gave the teen an incredulous look. If he was honest, he wasn't entirely sure if Tommy was referring to the pregnancy or what happened at the hospital, if he’d spotted Ellie approaching before he had noticed her presence himself. Either way he appreciated his brothers discretion on both matters, "Mind your own business."

The teen rolled her eyes, "You never tell me anything!"

He scoffed, flicking her ponytail, "You know too fuckin' much as it is."

Tommy just chuckled at the two's interaction. He found himself quite often amused at how they spoke to one another. It wasn't quite in the same way his brother used to joke around with Sarah. With Ellie, it was more relaxed. He let the kid get away with more but he liked to see it. The change he'd seen in his brother since he last saw him in Boston was remarkable and he couldn't thank Ellie enough for what she had done for him, even if she hadn't actually realised it.

With that the three made their way over to the bench to join Ava. Tommy reached over and took his son back into his arms, "C'mon little guy, let's give Aunty Ave's arms a rest."

The blonde smiled to herself as she rested her head against Joel's shoulder, his arm coming to drape so naturally around her waist as the pad of his thumb discreetly massaged small circles just beneath the hem of her shirt. Aunty Ave?  Her heart was going to burst. Tommy had started to class her as part of their family…She was apart of a family for the first time since her mother died.

The meeting had commenced with all of the usual dull discussions surrounding how the place was to be run, introducing everyone to any new comers and updates surrounding where resources were currently at.

Then an older gentlemen known to them as Eugene began to discuss some changes to how the patrols were going to be dealt with in future, "With Francis now stepping down from being head of Patrol we casted a vote and have now selected someone to take his place. That someone being Joel Miller… If he’s happy to step up, of course?"

The older man gestured towards Joel and the room turned towards him. With all eyes on him, he couldn't help but feel a little uneasy. Why'd they choose him? This was totally unexpected. He turned his head to look at his brother who displayed a guilty look... that must be why Tommy was so desperate for him to attend, he had apparently just forgotten- or rather omitted the small detail as to why.

Joel turned back around to the panel and gave them a nod. Fuck it, why not. He knew he’d do a decent job- had more experience of the outside world than most! He could see Maria's eyes burning into him, it would seem that she wasn't one of his voters... now that was something that didn't surprise him in the slightest.

Ellie was the first to speak up as she playfully punched his arm "Shit! Congrats old man! Look at you climbing the ladder in this place!"

He smirked at her, "Looks like I'll get to boss you about at all hours of the day once you get given your placement within the patrol team."

The teen responded by giving him the middle finger with a wide grin on her face causing Joel to chuckle. “You do that anyway…”

Ava was quick to wrap her arms around his neck seconds after, he turned to face her as she pressed a quick but hard kiss to his lips, "I'm so proud of you, baby." Her voice barely even a whisper as she leant forward to his ear, “We love you…”

Things really were looking up for him for the first time in… well… ever- if he was being totally honest. Jackson had been the fresh start he well and truly needed, settling here had been the best decision he’d made next to saving Ellie and persuading Louise to not have an abortion all those years ago. He had a job he was good at, a beautiful partner who loved him and whom he loved to bits, a great kid and another on the way. Everything really was finally going in the right direction. Life starts at fifty- right?

Chapter Text

25th December 2024

The twenty fifth of December was once a date that consistently brought happiness and joy to many. A date where tradition, religion and family were celebrated. It was a date that had been nearly forgotten after outbreak day. Outbreak day and all the days after had torn families apart, had caused most to turn their backs on their religion. After outbreak day, there was no room for tradition or for most, happiness. Christmas Day was a long lost tradition and it was one the residents of Jackson were working hard to bring back. A single day where the community could forget about the threats of the outside world.

Ellie had heard all about how Christmas Day used to be before outbreak, through books and through stories told by Joel and Ava. What the day used to represent and how it was a day full of magic and joy. Although she had heard a lot about this specific holiday, she was yet to experience a proper Christmas. Whilst she was at FEDRA school it only went as far as making some shitty hand made cards for friends- if you had any. Other than that, it was just like any other day so when Joel had promised her that they would celebrate the day as traditionally as they could, she was beyond excited.

—————————————————————————

The bright light that reflected off of the snow from the outside pierced Ellie's eye lids causing her to stir from her slumber. She pulled the duvet up over her eyes until she remembered what day it was. She grinned to herself as she then threw the duvet off of her and got up. 

The teen hastily left the comfort of her bed and headed downstairs. The house felt toasty which indicated that Joel must have been up for a little while as the heating was on and the house had warmed. She entered the kitchen and the scent of fresh pancakes filled her nostrils.

"Good morning sleepy head," Ava greeted from the kitchen table with a grin across her cheeks.

Ellie smiled and rubbed her eyes as Joel handed her a plate stacked with the sweet breakfast treat that dripped with syrup.

She sat herself at the table opposite Ava and began digging in. Pancakes were always a good start to any day.

Joel momentarily left the room before returning with two parcels. He placed them on the table and took a seat next to the teen once he had collected his coffee from the side. 

The smile grew on Ellie's face at the sight of the two parcels in front of her. Did they get her actual gifts for today? She looked to Joel who nodded in gesture for her to open them.

She pushed her now empty plate back and enthusiastically grabbed at one of the packages, placing it in front of her. Carefully she unwrapped the paper and beamed at the gift hidden within.

Joel smiled in response to her reaction before explaining what it was, "It's a Polaroid camera. I found it on my last supply run. It's got film in it ready. Use it to take pictures of moments that are important to you and it'll print it out as a photograph."

"That's fuckin' awesome, thanks!" The teen exclaimed as she inspected the device.

Ava then nudged the second parcel towards her which prompted Ellie to place the camera to one side for the moment. She unwrapped the second gift with less care than the first and a blank book was revealed alongside a glue stick and some colouring pencils. Why was it blank? It looked to big to be a note book… and there were no lines… A drawing book, maybe?

"It's a scrapbook." The blonde stated as she watched Ellie flick through the pages.

Ellie looked at her slightly confused, "What's a scrapbook? It's empty?"

Ava nodded, "Exactly. It's a book for you to fill with memories. It allows you to tell a hundred stories and not necessarily with words. The photos you take can go in there, drawings or maybe you find a cool leaf you like whilst you're out. You can put them all in that book so you can look back on them in the future."

The teens face softened back to a smile as she closed the book and placed it next to the camera. Is this what it's like to have a family? To have people care about you enough to make this day special? "Thank you guys, I love it!"

"No problem, kiddo," Joel smiled warmly back at her.

His attention then moved onto Ava. He raised his brows at her and she nodded subtly in response, a silent conversation. The teen had noticed these happening a lot recently… it was weird. She gave them both a questioning arch of the brow which didn’t result in her getting a response… It appeared that these silence conversations were not something she was invited into…

Joel then moved away from the table and disappeared into the hallway once more without any further explanation. He reappeared a few seconds later with another box. It wasn't wrapped or anything, it was just a plain yet neat bog standard cardboard box. He placed it in front of the teen and took back his seat, gesturing towards it with his head and an apprehensive expression, "Open it."

Ellie couldn't help but notice the two adults suddenly acting a little nervous. She raised a brow at them before opening up the box. There had only been a small handful of times that she had ever seen that man anxious and here he was visibly clamming up over a bloody box…What the fuck is in this box? She reached in and pulled out the contents without looking first, her suspicious glare remaining on Joel, half expecting for something to jump out and sink its teeth or claws into her wrist.

She glimpsed down then, at the soft material in her hands. No teeth, no claws but… a baby grow? The fuck? She looked at the tiny garment of clothing confused, she then glanced between the two adults and she could practically hear their hearts thundering within their chests. She looked back to the baby grow and then it finally clicked, her knitted brows springing up in realisation. Oh shit!

"No fucking way!" She beamed, her grin reaching almost ear to ear, her face snapping straight towards Ava, "Are you...?"

The blonde let out a gaspy laugh as she released the breath she had been holding and nodded. 

Holy fuck, she was basically going to become a sister. She was going to have a sibling! 

Ellie turned her attention to Joel, practically launching herself at him whilst wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He tensed at the unexpected gesture, the teen had never been much of a hugger after all.

"Guys, that's fucking awesome!” She pulled back for a second, her face scrunching in a forced mild disgust, “I mean also, ew gross. Keep it in your pants, man but- I can’t wait! Seriously! Congrats!" She beamed.

"You're okay with it?" Joel queried after slamming his eyes at her crudeness- as if her reaction didn't already confirm that enough.

The teen scoffed "Okay with it?! This is like the best news ever! I'm so happy for you both!" 

The adults both shared a relieved look. This was the response that they had hoped for. 

"Thanks, Ells." Ava's smile was warm as her gaze drifted back to Joel, "We're pretty damn excited too!"

Joel then tapped the back of Ellie's chair, "Right, get ready. You slept in, you lazy shit. Been down here waitin’ for you since seven. We've got to be over Tommy's for lunch in an hour."

Ellie eagerly nodded and darted up the stairs. This was already becoming the best day ever.

The adults both left there seats and wandered over to each other, wrapping one another in a warming embrace. Ava tilted her head back allowing Joel to place a gentle kiss to her lips.

"I'm so glad that she took the news well..." She spoke as she buried her face into his neck.

Joel swayed her gently with his arms still wrapped firmly around her, he placed another kiss upon the top of her head, "I told you she would, didn't I?"

—————————————————————————-

Ellie had gotten herself ready for the day quicker than the speed of bloody light. She didn't want to waste a single second of the anticipated festivities to come. She bounded down the stairs meeting her guardians at the front door, already on an unstoppable high.

The three then left the warmth of their home and began walking towards Tommy's. A thick blanket of pristine untouched snow covered the streets which wasn't unusual for this time of year and the crisp air stung the exposed skin on their faces.

Ellie walked on slightly ahead which gave Joel an idea. He let go of Ava's hand and offered her a mischievous look as he bent down and grabbed a handful of snow, compacting it into an almost perfect sphere. With that, he launched the ball of snow at the teen, hitting the back of her hat covered head and sending her stumbling forward a couple of steps.

“You dick!” She yelled back, regaining her balance.

Ava rolled her eyes as they awaited the kids retaliation. For a man that spent most of his time being so serious, he sure knew how to be childish at times, “You’re an actual child…”

Without missing a single beat, Ellie launched a handful of snow back at him which automatically initiated war. The pair continued to face of, propelling balls of snow and ice at each other, one after another.

Ellie then coined a smirk in Ava's direction as she launched a lump of snow at her.

Joel’s playfulness was quick to diminish, the fierce desire to protect his family- even against one another briskly taking over as his expression turned stern out of fear that Ava would get hurt, "Ellie, not her stomach!"

The blonde gave the teen a knowing wink as she approached her partner, stepping in front of him with her hands locked behind her back, "Relax baby, it's just snow."

She placed a light kiss to his lips in order to hide the grin that was slowly growing across her cheeks that would give away her next move. Once distracted by her kiss, she stealthily dropped a lump of snow down the back of his neck causing him to hiss. She tried to pull away in order to get away from him but he was too quick.

With one arm he wrapped it around her waist, holding her flush against him and preventing her from escaping. Unbeknown to the pretty blonde, he already had his own ball of snow waiting in his hands. Whilst it's original target had been Ellie, he quickly changed its victim as he pied Ava in the face with it. He wasn't going to let her get away with it, whether she was pregnant or not!

"Fuck, Joel!" She squealed as the bitter ice made impact with her exposed skin.

Ellie stood almost crying with laughter at the couples comical squabble. Both adults then turned their attention onto the teen who's face suddenly dropped. Joel let go of Ava's waist as they both bent down grabbing handfuls of snow and began pummelling snowballs at her.

The trio continued to fool around for a little while longer until they could feel the cold setting into their bodies tissue from the wet marks left by the snow.

—————————————————————————-

They eventually made it to Tommy's and were all more than grateful as the heat of his home submerged them all.

The house was decorated with tinsel, Holly and Mistletoe. Coloured fairy light strung up against the walls and twisted around the bannister. Ellie looked at the decor in awe. It gave the house a magical essence. Joel did check their attic to see if any Christmas decorations had been left there but it would appear that who ever lived in their house pre outbreak weren't avid celebrators of the holiday.

Tommy lead the trio to their dining room and poured them each a glass of red wine. Ava quickly interjected, "Oh, um, just a glass of water for me please…"

Tommy hitched a breath as he looked at the bottle of wine in his hand. Shit, he forgot... not that Ava knew that he knew. He gave her a small smile and a nod before retrieving a fresh glass and pouring her some tap water.

Maria joined them a few moments later with her own glass of wine in one hand and the baby in the other. 

"Merry Christmas!" She greeted as she set Charley down in his high chair.

Ava pulled her friend into a hug once the child was secured in his chair, "Merry Christmas!"

Maria's brows furrowed at the sight of the glass of water in the blondes hand, "Water? On Christmas Day?"

Ava nodded and smiled nervously, "Oh... uh, I'm just feeling a little dehydrated."

They had discussed on when to tell the rest of the family but the discussion fell flat and neither had actually confirmed a time or day to when they would actually be happy to announce the new to people outside of their immediate household.

The group continued to make light conversation between laughing and joking before they then settled at the table for their lunch. Maria brought out a large roasted turkey that she set in the centre of the table before Ava followed out with dishes of vegetables and potatoes.

As soon as the last dish hit the surface of the table, they each began to stack their plates high with food.

"Where d'you manage to get a goddamn turkey from? I ain’t seen none of them wanderin’ about." Joel asked as he carved himself a couple of slices. He couldn't remember seeing turkeys on the farm.

Tommy replied with a single wink, clearly not wanting to share his source.

The older brother smirked and he placed the knife back onto the board and turned to Maria. In an attempt to be civil he thanked her for the dinner that she so kindly prepared and cooked.

She gave him a small smile in response, "No problem."

They continued to eat until full and then a contented silence fell upon them all as they digested their food.

"I am stuffed." Ava spoke up eventually breaking the silence. 

Ellie snorted at the unintentional double meaning, earning her a burning glare from Joel- one in which she didn’t seem to pick up on.

Maria chuckled, "You do look a little bloated… can’t say I’m any different though."

Ellie scoffed, "Yeah, that's why she's bloated."

“Ellie!” Joel snapped.

The older woman gave the teen a confused look before glancing towards Joel and then back to Ava.

The teens face dropped at the lack of response, her head snapping towards the man to her right with a grimace, "Shit, they don't know?"

Joel awkwardly scratched the back of his neck as he shared a look with the blonde who gently kicked at his ankles. He took in a deep breath. Fuck, well now apparently was a good a time as any.

He cleared his throat, the awkwardness in the air instantaneously palpable, "Uh actually, we...uh, Ave and I... we have something to announce..."

Maria looked from Ava to Joel, her face instantly dropping.

He continued anxiously, reaching across the table to take the blondes hand into his own and providing a reassuring squeeze, "We're goin' to have a lit'lun of our own come June…"

There was an awkward silence as Maria's eyes bore into him. He knew damn well that she wasn't going to have a particularly positive response to the news.

Tommy eventually broke the ice upon noticing his wife's reaction. With a large grin he spoke, "Congratulations! That's great news, we're happy for you both!"

Maria cleared her throat upon hearing her husbands voice and plastered on an obviously fake smile, "Mhm, congratulations…"

—————————————————————————

Conversation continued for a bit after whilst they all mucked in to help clean up before they headed over to the town hall for the evening where the community choir had set a small stage up to sing hymns and carols.

The hall was dim with only the decorative fairy lights giving a warm glowing ambience. A large fir tree stood in the far corner which had been embellished with lights, baubles and tinsel. The place was filled with families who stood to watch the choir who sang centre stage.

Silent night, holy night

All is calm, all is bright.

Round yon Virgin, Mother and Child.

Holy infant so tender and mild,

Sleep in heavenly peace,

Sleep in heavenly peace

Ava leant her head back against Joel's chest as she closed her eyes, allowing the choirs angelic voices along with his warmth to take over her senses. It felt magical. His arm snaked around her waist and his palm flattened carefully over where their baby was slowly growing as he rested his lips against her temple. He couldn't wait until next Christmas when their little one would be here, tangible and in their arms. His other hand rested on Ellie's shoulder as they all watched on.

Silent night, holy night

Son of God love's pure light.

Radiant beams from Thy holy face

With dawn of redeeming grace,

Jesus Lord, at Thy birth

Jesus Lord, at Thy birth 

His first celebrated Christmas in twenty one years, her first Christmas celebrated as apart of a family in a long time and Ellie's first ever celebrated Christmas. The three of them at peace together as a family. This is what Christmas was all about... family and for the first time in a long time the three of them had one. For the first time in decades and although they were in this protected little bubble, everything felt right in the world.

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They stayed at the town hall for a few hours whilst the choir completed their set. A band played soon after and refreshments were offered. They made the most of the evening not wanting the day to end. It really had been a festive and magical day.

The night grew later and gradually the many families had started to filter out and make their way home. Joel, Ava and Ellie included.

Joel opted to lit the fireplace instead of turning on the heating and the three sat in front of the television with hot cocoa whilst watching Die Hard. Something him and Ava bickered over in regards to it being a Christmas movie or not. She backed down without too much of a fuss, still adamant that it was absolutely not a Christmas film though. He ignored her because, yes, it was.

The credits rolled and Ellie let out a yawn, "I'm knackered. I think I'm gonna turn in for the night." 

She stood up and turned back to the adults before making her way up the stairs, "Thank you...for today. It's been really great."

Joel smiled at her, genuinely chuffed and slightly relieved that he could give her a true taste of what Christmas Day was once like. Although next year, he'd be sure to scavenge some decorations for the house and maybe a tree so they could decorate it just like he used to do with Sarah, "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

They watched as the teen disappeared from the room and Ava quickly scooted over to sit across his lap. Joel pulled one of the throws over then as she snuggled into him. Her warmth and affection providing him with further serenity. 

She then shifted her weight and pulled a box out from behind the back cushion and handed it to him, "I've got you a little something…"

A smirk drew across his face as he took the box from her. She was too damn good to him. He carefully opened the box and pulled out a hunting knife.

"I noticed that yours was looking a little blunt and I found this one whilst out on a patrol. It looks to be quite high quality." She explained.

It did look to be of a high quality and it was a lot sharper than his current one. It will definitely come in handy. He placed a soft kiss to her forehead as he placed it down on the small coffee table at the side of the couch, "Thank you darlin'."

Joel then fished a small rectangular box out from his pocket, "I almost forgot…" he said as he placed it into her hands, “Here…”

She gently popped the lid off the box and her eyes softened on the contents glittering inside "Awh, Joel…"

She carefully took out the gold chained necklace and held it closer to her eyes, studying the beautiful jewelled sunshine pendant that glistened in the flickering flames from the fire. It was gorgeous, "It's beautiful…"

She passed the necklace onto him and shifted her hair to one side, indicating for him place it around her and do the honours of fastening it. Gently he draped the delicate chain over her collar bone and then around the soft skin of her neck. He clasped it shut at the back and then carefully moved the placement of the pendant so it rested in the centre of her chest, "You're beautiful…"

God she fucking loved him. How he was so intimidating and hard for everyone else yet so soft and caring just for her. She was his, he was hers and she wouldn't have it any other way. 

She tilted her head up and traced her finger along his jaw, voice so low, so intimate. "Thank you, I love it."

He kissed her tenderly and she could feel herself melting into him. Today had been perfect, magical in fact and she didn't want it to end. Not this kiss, not his touch and definitely not this day.

"Happy Christmas, my love…" She whispered against his lips.

"Merry Christmas, darlin'." He whispered back as he kissed her once more.

Chapter Text

13th February 2025

After some lengthy discussions over the last few weeks, Ellie had managed to persuade both Joel and Ava that it would be a good idea if she were to repurpose the garage out back into a bedroom for her. Her nightmares were now almost non existent, she felt a lot more confident being on her own now that she had Rufus. Moving into the garage also had a number of benefits for her; a bigger space, better privacy and also she wouldn't be woken up in the night by the cries of a baby. There was also the added benefit that by her moving out there, it would free her current room up to become a nursery. 

Joel and Ellie spent the day clearing the garage from whatever clutter had built up over the past year and began moving Ellie's furniture into the new space. 

The pair sat on the floor whilst dismantling her bed frame. Joel lifted his head to see Ellie struggling to undo one of the bolts from the side piece of the frame.

"Here." He voiced as he leant over and used his allen key to loosen it for her.

She looked up with a small smile, "Thanks."

It seemed like a strange thing to bond over but it had become a rarity for them to spend time together where it was just the two of them. Ellie didn't mind, she liked Ava and was looking forward to the little one arriving in a few months but it was a stark change compared to this time last year when it was just her and Joel.

"Joel!" Ava yelled out from downstairs as the front door slammed shut behind her, the impact sending vibrations up through the walls of the house.

Joel sighed and rolled his eyes. She sounded irate...again. Her emotions seemed to be like a rollercoaster lately, most likely due to the hormones that were changing within her body. One minute she was all over him as if he was the next best thing to sliced bread and then in the next breath she was wanting to rip him apart limb by limb. It was a constant battle, him trying to guess if she wanted to fuck him or kill him… Her current tone definitely had him swaying towards the latter…

"Yes, darlin'?" He called back, his tone of voice less than enthusiastic about the 'conversation' he was about to endure. He had no idea what this was going to be about, it could quite literally be anything. It was only two days ago that she had a melt down because he had left dirty footprints in the hallway. 

Ellie smirked at him, "She sounds pissed and you just used your asshole voice..."

"Yeah. I know." He said with another sigh as he got himself off of the floor and back to his feet, "Two minutes and I'll be back."

“Good luck…”

Joel made his way down the stairs to find her waiting for him by the front door. She had her weight shifted to one side, her arms crossed and her jaw clenched. He shrugged his shoulders as if to say, 'what?'.

The blonde finally opened her mouth, "Why have I just walked down to the hub to find that I've been removed from the rota's for practically everything?!"

Ah, yes. That. It was a common argument that they would both have. Joel would ask her to come off of the patrols and she would fight back every time so after their most recent squabble, he had gone behind her back and removed her himself... and also from a few other roles that he deemed unsafe...

He took in a sharp breath before responding, "You know my reasons and you ignore me each time."

Ava looked as if she was about to explode. She shifted her weight so she was more evenly balanced and pointed her finger at him, "You don't get to control what I can and can't do! What do you expect me to do? Stare at these four walls for the next eighteen years?!"

Her arms furiously flailing to gesture the house that they were currently stood in.

Joel shrugged with a frown. All he wanted to do was protect her from harm yet she seemed to consistently fight against him, "No. Just work in the kitchen or somethin'."

He watched as her entire body tensed and her nostrils flared. He immediately regretted his last sentence. He didn't intend for it to come across as misogynistic as it did. Why the fuck did he say kitchen? Why didn't he pick feeding the animals or some shit instead?

"Seriously?!" She almost screeched.

A deep breath escaped Joel’s lungs as he pinched between his brows, "Ave..."

Before he could even apologise she cut straight back in, her words spitting out between gritted teeth, "No. Fuck you... Y'know what? I can't be around you when you're like this."

She couldn't be around him? As far as he was concerned, it was her that was being unreasonable but he knew better than to start that argument. He watched as she turned back around and swung the front door back open, "Where are you goin'?"

Her words were like daggers, not that it phased him anymore. He knew that she'd come home later wanting his touch and gentle words. 

"Away from you!...Just be at the appointment later."

Joel let out another sigh as the door once again slammed shut behind her, the walls once again quivering from the force of impact. He already knew she was heading to Maddie's, that's where she always went. He also knew that once they attended their latest scan, her whole demeanour and mood would lighten.

He made his way back up the stairs to rejoin Ellie on the floor of the bedroom. She looked up at him with raised brows.

"Sounds like you're in the dog house again?"

Joel scratched at his cheek and nodded, "Yep."

The teen let the air out of her nose. She went quiet as she continued to twist another bolt undone.

He was quick to notice the kids change in demeanour since he left her no more than ten minutes ago. His brows knitted together as he spoke, "What's wrong?"

Ellie twisted her face and chewed slightly on the inside of her cheek whilst she pondered on whether or not to bring it up. She met Joel's concerned gaze and took a breath, "I...it's just that Y'know...it was just the two of us for so long... then that became three and obviously you and Ava are having a kid so you'll become a real little family..."

She paused for a second to gather her thoughts, her brows furrowing before continuing, "I'm not family... and I get it if you don't want me around..."

Joel immediately dropped what he was doing. What the fuck was she going on about? "Ellie... you came before Ava and before the baby. You are family and always will be to me. 'Course we want you around."

"Really?" The teen asked.

He nodded as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, "Yeah. Really... I promoted you up from 'cargo' a long time ago. Your home is here and you will always be welcome."

His own brows knitted, "This ain't the reason you wanna move out the back, is it?"

Ellie shook her head, "No. I just don't want to be kept awake all night by your crying baby."

Joel chuckled. That was fair. He'd be lying if he said he was looking forward to the sleepless nights.

The pair continued to move the teens belongings into the garage for the rest of the day, leaving her old room empty ready for its new occupier.

—————————————————————————-

Joel walked into the infirmary waiting area to find Ava already sat there. He hadn't seen her since she stormed off that morning. He took the seat next to her and glanced over. She hadn't even acknowledged him.

He went to place his hand onto her thigh as he always did whilst they were waiting but she promptly shoved him away, "Don't."

Was she really still pissed off at him? Great. He huffed as they continued to bide one's time in silence as they waited to be called in.

Today's appointment was a fairly important one. It was the twenty week scan, the scan where they would have the option to find out if their baby was a little girl or a little boy. Both had decided early on that they were eager to know what they were having.

It wasn't too long after that they were called in. Joel followed Ava into the room and took a seat by the wall. Usually he would pull the chair over to the bed side but today he daren't.

The nurse started her appointment with her usual routine. 

"And do you have any concerns at all before we get started?" She then asked.

Ava's eyes darted up to the nurse, "Um, well... It's just that I don't seem to have much of a bump. My friend was much bigger at this point and I just look a little bloated..." She paused as she then took a quick glance over at Joel, a slightly guilty expression pained her face "and... I've not yet felt the baby kick... or move at all..."

What? He hadn't known anything about this! Why didn't she tell him that she was worried? Is this the reason behind why her emotions have been all over the place lately? 

The nurse hummed her acknowledgment and nodded as she listened to the blondes concerns, "Okay so this is your first pregnancy, right?"

Ava nodded.

The nurse then went on to explain what her thoughts were behind this, "so as it's your first, those muscles in your stomach have not been stretched before. This means that your bump may be more compact and not show as much as others who may have had multiple pregnancies."

Ava continued to nod as she took in what the nurse said. Joel's eyes didn't leave her as his brows knitted together. He knew that information, he could have easily put her mind to rest had she just told him.

The nurse continued, "As for the lack of movement, most start feeling movements somewhere between the sixteen week and twenty four week period so you're still well within that time frame. But we'll double check everything today to make sure your little one is healthy and growing as they should be."

The nurses reassuring smile immediately put the blonde at ease. As per usual she lifted her shirt and unbuttoned her cargo pants to allow the nurse access to her now bloated looking abdomen. 

The nurse gently applied the cool gel onto her skin and began to press the scanner onto her. Ava looked over to Joel and gave him a small smile. She reached her arm out to him, offering an olive branch and wanting him close to her.

All animosity left them as he took hold of her hand and joined her side. They watched the screen as their future infant came into sight. A warm smile graced both of their faces when they had seen how much their baby had grown in the last eight weeks. You could now clearly see each limb and they now looked like an actual baby.

The nurse studied the picture and offered them a reassuring grin, "Yes, everything looks perfectly healthy. This little one is currently six and a half inches long. Again just for perspective, your baby is currently the same size as a banana."

The nurse paused as she watched the parents coo over their child, "Did you want to know the gender?"

Ava didn't even wait a second before responding, "Yes, please."

Joel smiled softly at her enthusiasm. Knowing that their baby was healthy had clearly lifted a huge weight from her shoulders. He had to admit, he all of a sudden felt apprehensive about finding out what they were having. He squeezed Ava's hand as he pushed the feeling away.

The nurse smiled, "A little boy."

Ava beamed at the news as Joel let out an exasperated laugh. It was a boy. This moment had been plaguing his mind more than he’d be willing to admit, a cruel concern that if it was a girl, the guilty feeling of him replacing Sarah would return and prevent him from being able to love this infant. All fear of that dissipating the moment the opposite gender was revealed. This was new- different. This was a baby boy and so in his mind didn’t equate to replacing his late daughter. 

He leant down and caught Ava’s lips in a blissful kiss, elated and tender. Everything was healthy and their little boy would continue to grow before making his appearance in just over four short months. They finally felt that they could relax and be excited for the arrival of their little one.

—————————————————————————

Ava stood at the bedroom window in her nighty, gazing out towards the garage. It's yellow light shone through its curtains indicating that Ellie was still awake. The teen was thrilled at the news of them having a boy. She would teach him how to play soccer and the joys of making mud pies but Ava couldn't help but worry about her no longer living in the house with them, "Do you think she'll be okay out there?"

Joel gently placed his hands on her shoulders as he moved past her and climbed into bed, "She's got the dog with her, I think she'll be fine. Anyway, I've left the back door unlocked so she can always kip on the couch tonight if she does feel uneasy."

The blonde smiled as she joined him in bed, snuggling up to his side and resting her head onto his chest as he soothingly ran his fingers through her hair. Her eyes widened all of a sudden, an unusual flutter within her stomach. It almost felt like a tumbling motion, a light tapping against her womb.

"Joel." She whispered as she took hold of his hand and placed his palm flat onto her stomach.

The feeling of tiny kicks could be felt against the palms of his hand for the first time. Her eyes glistened as she smiled up at him warmly. He couldn't move his hand away as he felt the very first movements of his son. He chuckled at the feeling before they eventually died down. He took Ava's face into his hands before placing another loving kiss to her lips. 

He pulled away and they both gazed into each others eyes with matching elated smiles. He gently stroked her cheek with the pad of his thumb in a soft back and forth motion, not being able to remember a time where is heart had ever felt so full, "I'll start working on the nursery tomorrow."

She nodded before falling back onto his chest, allowing the warmth of his body to consume her as he held her.

He glanced down at her before his face fell to something more serious in tone, "We gonna talk about earlier?"

She turned her head slightly to the side and gave him a sad look.

The corner of his mouth twitched, "Y'know I only want to keep you safe. M'sorry that I crossed the line but ... I-I'm terrified that I'm going to lose you both..."

She nodded solemnly, her voice barely above a whisper, "I know... it's just that I'm not the kind of girl who can just sit around doing nothing- I like to be busy. And I know you've said previously that it's just until the baby comes but what about after? I know you and I know that you will continue to fret about my safety...It will just move from ‘you’re carryin’ my baby’ to ‘you’re the mother of my child’. I can already see it, Joel."

What she was saying was true. He would continue to worry about her safety- always. He loved her, it was really as simple as that and his deep need to protect her at all costs. What happened with Sarah…with Tess- he couldn’t allow history to repeat itself. Not only that but with him being head of patrol, it put him at an even greater risk. He couldn't afford for his son to grow up in this world without any parents.

Ava continued, "I understand why you don't want me on patrols. I get that I'd be at risk from falling off my horse, being attacked or killed by infected and raiders. I'm happy to forget about being on patrol but... there's no reason why I can't continue in the shop or doing watches.” An incredulous smirk tugged to her lips, “I'm smart enough to not shoot myself..."

Joel chuckled at the last part. Okay, perhaps he had been a little too overbearing. He offered her a small smile, a compromise. "Okay..."

The smile on his face faded away as he stroked her hair, "Why didn't you tell me you were worried?"

The blonde gave him a reserved glance. She knew she should have talked to him but he was already so overprotective, she didn't want to worry him further, "I didn't want you to panic...You’re already so worried and-"

The corner of his lip tugged upwards, "I could have told you what that nurse did days ago. You're the only one who's been worryin'..."

She stayed silent. He was right. He'd done all of this before, he knew what was normal and what wasn't… and what if it was something of concern? She had just left it… What if there had been no heartbeat on that scan earlier? It would have been all her fault…

Joel pressed another kiss just beneath her hairline before shuffling down so that his forehead rested against hers, "Darlin', I don't want you goin' through any of this alone. You gotta talk to me. No more secrets, okay? If you're worried, you say somethin'."

Ava nodded in response. 

He smiled at her warmly, lips brushing her nose as he changed the topic onto something more positive, "Anyway, now we know what we're havin'. What are we gonna name our kid?"

A grin grew across the blondes mouth as she adjusted her position to face him better, "Well I've been thinking..."

“Shit, you? Thinkin’?”

“Shut up and listen…”

Joel tilted his head to one side, listening intently to her suggestion.

She continued, "I can remember you telling me a few times about that little boy you met in KC... Sam, was it? I like that name and I thought it would be a beautiful tribute to his life..."

He swallowed thickly. That morning was one of the most traumatic in their journey. There was nothing he could have done to save that poor child. It was too late for him from the moment one of those damn clickers sunk its teeth into his flesh. His time with Sam and Henry would be forever etched into his mind as it probably had done with Ellie also. All they both wanted was a better life than the one they were unfortunately handed. Perhaps naming his son after one of them wasn't a bad idea. A way to remember them, a way to give little Sam the life he really deserved. 

He continued to card his fingers through Ava's hair as he gazed down at her, an adoring sparkle filling her eyes causing him to smile, "I like that... Sam Miller it is."

Chapter Text

24th March 2025

It was the day after what was supposed to be a three day supply run that had unintentionally turned into almost a week long. They had planned on heading to a settlement that was only a days ride away however, upon arrival the settlement had already been taken over and occupied by raiders. Joel had debated taking the raiders on, he'd seen and won against worse odds but after Tommys stark reminder than most of the men in their team had families waiting back home, including Joel, he decided better. They ended up concluding that continuing to ride west to another settlement would be in the best interest of the group.

Unfortunately, with Jackson's rule of staying off the radio and the transmitters being way too far out of range, they had no way of contacting back home to make them aware of the situation and their decision going forward.

The rest of the run went smoothly. Bar from a small horde of infected which were swiftly taken out without much of an issue, it was pretty uneventful. They had managed to find the required resources and a few extra items before making the almost three day hack back home.

They finally made it back through Jackson's gates on day six.

Understandably, everyone back home had been more than concerned that the group of six hadn't come back within the initial agreed time frame. Ava in particular had become a bit of a mess when Joel hadn't come home on day three as expected and immediately jumped into his arms the moment she heard of his arrival. They had mainly spent the rest of that day in bed catching up on some well needed rest in between other activities.

The morning after Joel was up early as usual, his natural body clock as Ava would often describe it. The blonde still sleeping peacefully beside him as he sat up. He gently placed kiss against her temple, so gentle that she didn't even stir before getting up and ready for the day. He had been so exhausted and desperate to get home the previous afternoon, that he hadn't completed his written report on the events of the run. He left the house and headed towards the hub in order to get the report done and out the way so he had the remainder of the day to relax before his perimeter patrol that night.

He had managed to get his report written out within two hours. With them being out for six days, there was a fair amount that he needed to include; the raiders at the original settlement, the hoard, what supplies they did find and where they found them. He left the hub by eight thirty that morning and started his journey back home, desperate to climb back into bed beside Ava.

He spotted Maria on route, her head spun in his direction and she then made her way swiftly towards him. What could she possibly want this early in the morning?

She had a bitter look on her expression as she all but stomped over, "You should have come back instead of continuing."

He sighed. Of course she was going to have a problem with his decision, "We discussed it as a group and all of them were in. We were runnin' low on basic necessities. We couldn't come back empty handed."

Maria shook her head, "Do you have any idea on the worry you caused? You were gone for nearly a week. I thought Tommy was fucking dead. Your pregnant girlfriend was a fucking mess, thinking you were gone."

Joel scoffed. There was no winning with this woman. He knew that if he had sent them all back and returned empty handed, that also would have been the wrong decision. At the end of the day, it was him who was now heading up the patrols and runs, a decision had to be made and he made it. "I had to make a choice and I chose the one that was in the best interest of the community. If we went into that settlement there was a good chance that we would have been fuckin' killed."

She took a sharp breath in through her nose and shook her head again, "If the best interest of the community was really that important to you, you would have come back. You should have come straight back to let us know what had happened and what your plans were. Five other men went out with you. That was five other families that were worried sick and assuming the worst."

There was nothing he could say that would get Maria to side with him. She hadn't trusted nor liked him from the moment they had met- fuck knows what Tommy had told her. Clearly enough for the woman to have painted a pretty grim picture of her brother-in-law. He had been in Jackson for a year now and the tension between the two had only grown. For a while they had a silent agreement to be civil for the sake of Tommy but she seemed to have given up on her side of the deal the moment he started seeing Ava. Maria had consistently attempted to antagonise him for months, whether it be through boiling glares, snide comments or forever disagreeing with everything he said or did. He had enough. He was done with biting his tongue just to keep his brother happy. He was tired and just wanted to go home to Ava.

"What is your problem, huh?" He snapped.

Maria's intense glare didn't falter, "You know what my problem is, Joel. I know all about your past... the things you've done. You're not a good person and the only reason you're still here is because you're Tommy's brother."

Joel scoffed "You can judge me all you like but those things that 'I' did all those years ago are the only reason Tommy is still alive. Should be fuckin’ thankin’ me.” He shook his head with a disbelieving snort, “I came here to start fresh and that's what I've done. It seems the the rest of the community can trust me so why can't you?"

"Because the rest of the community doesn't know the real you. They see you as a headstrong leader that's good with a gun but they don't know the story behind it, do they? Do you really think they would support you if they knew how many innocent people you've murdered over the years?" 

He swallowed thickly at her words. She was right, a lot of people wouldn't give him the time of day if they knew his past. He wasn't even sure why he was wasting his breath arguing with her, nothing he could say would change her mind, "Look, I've been here for a year and not caused any problems with anyone, surely that's gotta count for somethin'? ...You ain't gotta like me and if I'm honest I couldn't give two shits if you do or don't but what is goin' to happen is that we are goin' to stay civil for the sake of Tommy and Ava."

Joel went to walk away, he was done with this heated conversation and he didn't care to hear anything else the woman had to say.

Maria wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of having the last word. Her nostrils flared as she called out to him once he was a few yards away from her, "You don't deserve her, Joel... She's a good woman, too good for the likes of you... and I need you to understand that."

He stopped in his tracks as her harsh words reached his ears. His jaw clenched and unclenched whilst he debated on whether to fire back or not. But there was nothing for him to fire back with, he believed every word that she had just said. He already knew that she was too good for him. Shit, to him she was too damn good for any of the people here. He felt blessed to be able to hold her heart and that is why he refused to bite any more. He simply took a deep breath and continued on his journey home.

—————————————————————————

The lack of Joel's presence had caused Ava to eventually stir from her slumber. She made her way to their en-suite for a quick shower before throwing on one of Joel's T-Shirts and a green zip up fleece. This seemed to be her current style. She was now six months pregnant and although the couple had told family and close friends, the fact they were expecting wasn't common knowledge for the general community so she would opt for clothing that would hide her growing bump. 

She still wasn't particularly big but her own shirts had started to become a little tight and made her look obviously pregnant so on the days where she planned on leaving the house, she would usually borrow a shirt of Joel's that would sufficiently hide her swelling abdomen.

The blonde made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen to which she was greeted by Ellie, who was busy making toast.

"Morning Ells." Ava chimed as she poured herself a glass of fresh orange juice.

Ellie gave her a smile pulling a plate out from the cupboard. The teen looked between the stack of toasted bread and the cupboard where the plates were kept. She then turned to Ava, "I made a lot of toast, you want any?"

The blonde grinned. Her appetite had increased significantly over the past month. It often felt like her stomach was a bottomless pit incapable of being filled. Her appetite wasn't the only thing that was a little strange, her cravings also had her eating some weird and apparently wonderful concoctions. "Free food? I'm not going to turn that down!"

Ellie chuckled as she put a few slices onto a separate plate and handed it over to Ava.

Both women sat to the table and began to eat in silence. Ava occasionally glanced up to check on the teen, it was unusual for her to be this quiet. "You're a little quiet this morning, everything okay?"

The teen looked up to Ava from her plate. She visibly pondered on whether to say anything before seemingly giving in with a sigh, "Can I ask you something?"

The blondes brows knitted together as she nodded. "Of course, sweetie."

Ellie gulped back before starting, awkwardness laced her tone "How did you know when...well, when you like, liked Joel? Like, how did you know that you liked him more than just a friend?"

Ava smiled. She liked it when the teen would engage her in girl talk and she would gladly answer any questions she had, "Well... Whenever I was around him I would feel slightly nervous, yet at the same time I wanted to impress him. Being near him made me feel giddy and I'd get this warm fuzzy feeling when he looked at me... and that's how I knew because there was nobody else that made me feel like that."

Ellie nodded with a small smile.

The blonde couldn't help but pry in hopes that Ellie would let her in, "Why? Is there someone that you think you like?"

The teen seemed to immediately retract back into her shell. She awkwardly shrugged as she pushed a piece of crust around her plate, "I don't know... that's what I'm trying to work out."

Ava gave her a warm smile, "I think you already know if you're asking...It's normal to have crushes, it's not anything to be ashamed of." She paused as she watched Ellie relax a little bit. She had a feeling that the teen was struggling with something internally, something she didn't yet feel comfortable sharing. The blonde chose not to pry any further in fear that it would cause Ellie to not talk to her in future, "I just want you to know that you can come to me if you want to talk about girl stuff... Joel doesn't have to know."

Ellie's lips curved upwards, "Thanks."

With that, the teen swiftly put her plate into the sink and headed back towards the back door before disappearing back into the garage. Ava followed the girl with her eyes, something was going on with her. She just wasn't quite sure what.

The blonde sighed as she too stood from her seat. She wandered over to the sink and began washing up. She became startled as the front door slammed shut. Her head darted around but she soon relaxed once she saw it was Joel.

He stormed over to the table and slumped into one of the chairs. His elbows rested on the surface of the table as he held his head in his hands. Ava left her spot by the sink, moving to where his back faced her and leant over him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. She could feel him let out a relieved breath as rolled his head back to rest against her.

"What's wrong?" She asked quietly as her lips brushed against his cheek.

He gave her a small shake of the head, "Just a run in with Maria, that's all."

The blonde knew that the two didn't see eye to eye but they always seemed to hold it together. She sighed as she squeezed him a little tighter, "What about?"