Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was nice out today, and it was supposed to be Xue Yangs turn to get groceries. He never minded getting them since no one tried to sell him bad produce anymore, which meant the food they ate was good.

Today, however, Xue Yang just couldn't be bothered to go. For some reason, he wasn't even sure of, he wanted to stay back and chat with Xiao Xingchen. Heh had a gut feeling that this little fantasy of his was going to come yo an end. He's had this feeling for a while. Despite the fact that a few years ago he would've jumped on the chance to strangle and torture that Daozhang, now he only had interest in conversing and spending time with him.

Lately they've been harder to separate. This was some A-Qing had started to notice, which gave her some leverage on hers and Xue Yangs daily playful arguments. Xue Yang won't admit it but he's grown to quite enjoy this life. He enjoys the candy he wakes up to every morning, the meaningless arguments with Little Blind, and the neverending conversations he has with Xiao Xingchen. He's come to enjoy the relationships he's built with these people he lives with. 

He wouldn't say he enjoys everything though. Revenge is still something he loves. And Jin Guangyao took a fast pass to the top of his list. He's been dying to give that traitor what he deserves. He used to find himself imagining how to torment and kill Xiao Xingchen, now he finds himself doing the same but for that fucking backstabbing bastard. But aside from the itch to murder him, he's found his routine life to be enjoyable. 

Today only differed in that gut feeling being stronger. Whenever he got it he'd find a way to send A-Qing to do the shopping so he can stay with Xiao Xingchen. That didn't change, even today. They drew straws as usual. Xue Yangs draw indicated that it was his turn but he didn't feel like it.

"Well, who's turn is it?" A-Qing asked in a rather aggressive manner. She turned as if to glare at Xue Yang. 

"Yours," he replied without hesitation. "You should probably get going before it gets busy." He tried pushing her out the door, though she refused.

"I don't believe you. It was my turn the last two times. Daozhang, he has to be lying!" She turned yo Xiao Xingchen. 

"I'm telling you exactly what I see. It's your turn. Now go before it gets too busy and you don't get anything good." He shoved her towards the door, again. He wondered why she always had to be so difficult. 

"You're lying," she said again with more conviction in her voice.

"A-Qing, please stop fighting. Next time instead of drawing sticks, I'll go. But today, it's your turn." Xiao Xingchen somehow managed to speek both sternly and softly. Every time he did that it seemed to make Xue Yang a strange firm of agitated that he didn't quite like, though he didn't always mind it either.

He smirked at A-Qing, "see, even Daozhang agrees, it's your turn. When you come back Daozhang and I will prepare dinner, how's that?" Was he really making a compromise for a teenager? Maybe he could poison that brats food, though he doubted she die at least that way she'd at least be less annoying. 

She humphed and left. Xue Yang couldn't help but smirk, though it froze on his face when the man next to him spoke, "You switched it on her didn't you, Chengmei?"

About a year ago Xue Yang got tired of having no name and just being, 'my fried', 'stranger', 'young fellow', or any insulting name A-Qing could think of so he told Xiao Xingchen his courtesy name and in return Xiao Xingchen gave his. Xue Yang found it absolutely hilarious when Xiao Xingchen thought the name suited him. He had to spend almost a half hour trying bot to laugh hysterically. 

"You caught me Daozhang. I just wanted to spend time with you," he said in a teasing voice as he grinned. He put an arm around Xiao Xingchens shoulder.

"Now's not the time. I appreciate your company, but A-Qing is still a child. What if she gets hurt or something happens to her?" His voice was worried.

Xue Yang rolled his eyes. Why does this guy have to worry about everyone? "Don't worry about her Xiao Xingchen, she'll be fine. She's git guts and wits." He patted Xiao Xingchens shoulder before taking his arm back. His words seemed to mildly calm Xiao Xingchen down. 

"But what if she can't handle it?" His face contorted into worry again. Xue Yang was already exasperated by the amount of worry this cultivator had for the child. 

He unconsciously grabbed one of Xiao Xingchens hands. Xiao Xingchen seemed to flinch at this. This had become somewhat of a habit with the two of them. It was never more than linking arms while walking down to the stream, leaning against each other at night, or occasionally grabbing each others hands when in situations like the current one. What Xue Yang failed to realizeis that he had used his left hand insteadof his right. So, without that knowledge he continued on, "What's going to make today different from last week's when she came back in perfectly good condition?" 

"Things can happen Chengmei. It's not impossible."

"I know, but you know how she is. She's perfectly capable of taking care of herself." He really hated saying that. It was like complaining her. He knew it was true but damn, he hated complimenting people. 

"I guess..." He didn't sound very convinced when he spoke.

"How about we take a walk to clear your mind. I can even tell a story or two if you'd like." He really wanted to get off of the subject of that Blind brat. Walking was sort of their thing. Xue Yang enjoyed being outside as it helped him calm down and he noticed Xiao Xingchen likes to listen to nature and listen to Xue Yang tell him about the shapes of the clouds.

So when Xue Yang presented the idea Xiao Xingchen hummed in response. And with that they made and packed a lunch and left arms linked together. Xue Yang started this particular habit about a year ago when Xiao Xingchen and overestimated how much land there was before the stream and ended up falling in. Xue Yang and tried to catch him but ultimately found himself in the stream practically on Xiao Xingchens lap. This method worked a majority of the time so it became a habit. 

They walked for a bit in silence before Xue Yang spotted a cloud he thought Xiao Xingchen might like hearing about. "Daozhang, there's a cloud that looks like dog peeking out from behind a bush.''

Xiao Xingchen smiled. "What kind of dog?"

Xue yang studied it for a minute or two before shrugging. Realizing that Xiao Xingchen couldn't see hd replied, ''a dog. Kinda looks like A-Qing the more I stare at it."

Xiao Xingchen stifled a laugh. "Chengmei, that's not very nice." He tried to sound serious but was failing. 

"Daozhang," Xue Yang whined in a playful tone. "You can't say that while you're trying to hold back a laugh." He nudged him.

"It shouldn't be funny. It's rude."

"Loosen up a bit. If you feel like doing something, do it. If you have an opinion, express it. If you find something funny, laugh. It's really quite simple." Xue Yang mostly lived by those beliefs though there were tines where he had to tread carefully. Living with his enemy and the blindie was one of those, though luckily they were both blind.

He did end up laughing but it didn't last long before he tried to stop himself. Xue Yang kept pestering him about it until they got to the stream. "Daozhang, we're here." He lead him over to some rocks which they sat on.

"The waters are calm," Xiao Xingchen said sounding relaxed 

"Indeed. There's more fish than usual though," Xue Yang replied, his voice calm.

Xia Xingchen hummed in response. Xue Yang looked from the water to Xiao Xingchen who was sitting upright lookingin the directionof the water. With the forest behind him, and the morning sun hitting him, he looked closer to a god than anything else. For some reason Xue Yang wished he could keep starting at him but he realized that a couple of minutes have passed and all he's been doing is staring at Xiao Xingchen.

Sometimes he felt weird around him but couldn't explain what it was so he chalked it up to some form of disgust. This was another such case. He felt disgusted that he had to spend time with his enemy who was so righteous and pure even doing nothing but sitting down. It irritated him. As of the current moment he could picture himself lunging and Xiao Xingchen and shoving him into the mud where he'd make sure Xiao Xingchens clothes and hair would become filthy. That gave him some satisfaction. He kept entertaining that fantasy, though it sometimes got off course. When it did he brought it back to him trying different ways to kill him. It wasn't as entertaining as he was hoping it would be so he snapped out of it.

''What kind of story do you want me to tell you?" He had slowly become designated storyteller, though he usually only told ones that would annoy A-Qing. However, with it only being Xiao Xingchens, he felt like telling something else.

''How about you choose since we're always choosing for you." Xiao Xingchen gave him a smile.

"If you insist. But here's your warning. This story doesn't have a happy ending." 

"Doesn't bother me." He kept smiling.

Xue Yang knew that smile wouldn't last long. But what did he care? He had the perfect story from his childhood to make Xiao Xingchen question the morality of the world. 

"A long time ago there was a child who had no mom, no dad, no brother, no sister, and no friends. He was alone and afraid. He knew he had to do something to survive but he wasn'tsure what. For a while he was living off of other peoples trash. Then he found work at a small restaurant. 

"He was a thin kid and looked rather pitiful. The customers thought as much. The old ladies would give him food which he always enjoyed. That was until one day his boss saw and hot furious. He gave the child a round of whipping as a warning. The child continued to work there but the customers seemed a lot less friendly now and the old lady's never turned up again. 

"These new customers teased and made fun if the pitiful child. Sometimes they'd purposely make and leave huge messes for the kid to clean. The kid could handle as much, but on some days these customers would be in exceptionally foul moods and complain to the boss about how this brat was treating them poorly. This earned the child another round of whipping. After they personally oversaw the boys punishment they left snickering. Little did they know, this little brat they disliked so much has memorized their names and followers them home memorizing where they lived."

Xiao Xingchen seemed to pity the child and it was clear he didn't agree with what the men did, though Xue Yang could tell that he knew something bad was going to happen. 

"Over the next few days calamity befell all of them. One's house burnt down, another died from eating poisonous food. Some were found hanging with their throats slit open and a pool of blood beneath them, and one was found gutted."

Xiao Xingchens face contorted into something of disgust at hearing this. Xue Yang knew he didn't approve of this type of revenge but he felt compelled to tell the story anyway, so he continued. 

"A few days later while the kid was sweeping the place he overheard his boss talking to someone and he decided to eavesdrop on him. What he heard pissed him off even more than those customers who mistreated him."

Xiao Xingchen appeared to be more interested in the story now. He was facing Xue Yang leaning forward like a child waiting in anticipation for a reward. Xue Yang found this rather amusing. He moved closer to Xiao Xingchen so that their knees were touching as he continued his story.

"The child heard his boss say that he despised him and only hired him because it looked good to have a business that helped out poor kids. He had secretly been hoping this kid would starve to death. When he found out that those old ladies were feeding m-him food he hired someone to poison them ensuring that they never came back. After that he hired those same people and a couple others to come in daily to torment the kid until he either died or left. When he found out they had died he was furious. What he didn't know was that this kid was going to get his revenge. 

"During the next few weeks the kid started to make his bosses job more difficult by 'accidentally breaking things, or being too 'clumsy.' Eventually the boss couldn't take it and lashed out at him. The child left the restaurant grinning. That night the boss went missing."

Xiao Xingchen seemed intrigued by the story. Xue Yang, of course, knew he wasn't going to like the next part but continued on nonetheless.

"About three days passed and this guy didn't turn up. Within those three days his restaurant and burned to the ground. The morning of the fourth day they had finally found him. He was on the property of his restaurant. His eyes and tongue removed, whip lashes all over his body, chunks of flesh missing, and multiple stab wounds. Between this guy and the others the town was in a panic about a serial killer. They never could've guessed it was a child getting revenge on those who wronged him. 

"Not long passed before cultivators came to investigate. One of them had pinned it on this kid after asking around and they took him in for questioning. And you might think, they'll be nice because he's a kid, but they weren't. They practically beat the boy to a pulp to get a confession out of him."

Xiao Xingchen now looked mortified hearing not only what the child did but what the cultivators did to the possibly innocent child. Xue Yang grinned. Knowing he succeeded, he decided to wrap up the story. 

"They attempted to take the child back to their sect for further punishment later that day only to find the child missing. They searched the whole village to find him but turned up empty. After a few days they departed. Shortly after that the child was spotted reaming the streets near a restaurant where he saw a platter of sweets. A guy told him he delivered a letter he could have them, and I know Daozhang knows how that story goes." 

"Chengmei..." Xiao Xingchen seemed to be lost in thought only being able to get out Xue Yangs courtesy name.

"Xiao Xingchen, there's no need to be so thoughtful about an old story." Even though he said this he was hoping Xiao Xingchen would let the two tales of his past circulate in his mind so that he can understand just how unfair the world it to those who aren't lucky enough to be scooped away to some grand hidden sect in the mountains where nothing else exists but righteousness and purity.

"Chengmei," he repeated a little less lost on thought. "That child in those stories was you, wasn't it?" He hesitated a bit with the question as if he didn't want an answer.

Xue Yang knew Xiao Xingchen had already figured out the child was him. What he couldn't figure out is why Xiao Xingchen wasn't treating him like a beast or monster. Perhaps he still needed some time to process the story. So in the meantime Xue Yang answered, "And if it is?"

"Is it?" Was all he got out of the cultivator. His face was unreadable at the moment. 

This time Xue Yang responded, "So what if it is? Are you going to bring me to 'justice' like those cultivators tried to do? Are you going to play fate? Decide who was right and who was wrong? " He was getting really agitated right now and needed something or someone to vent his anger on.

"No." The answer shocked him. He wasn't expecting that from this righteous Daozhang. He'd expected Xiao Xingchen to be repulsed and decide Xue Yang needed to be dealt with. "I don't believe you're bad. You might have done atrocious actions in the past but you haven't while here. You've helped me and A-Qing, you've gotten us the freshest food we have, when the occasional malicious spirit shows up you help me fight it. While I can't excuse what you've done, I can tell you've changed. The fact that you were willing to divulge that part of your past knowing I could turn you in is proof enough that you have." Xue Yang was left even more baffled. 

He opened his mouth to respond but he couldn't find words. Half of him wanted to start laughing at those words. Him, capable of changing, yeah right. That's like telling the river to flow backwards or saying you saw a dog lay an egg. But then again, he hasn't had any actual murderous intent for quite some time. And he's been genuinely content with Xiao Xingchen. Perhaps he has changed. This realization is what put him into silence. 

"Chengmei, are you alright?" Xiao Xingchen reached out and grabbed his arm. Xue Yang wanted to pull away. He wanted to leave. He wanted to strangle Xiao Xingchen.

He didn't do any of those. He wasn't sure what he was doing but he moved the hand on his arm down to his hand. He wasn't sure how this man could possibly even begin to consider him good. "If you knew everything I've done you wouldn't want to live in the same house as me, let alone accompany me into a secluded forest." He was holding back the urge to wrap his hands around Xiao Xingchens neck. But that urge was a cover-up for something he hated, the urge to cry. He would never be caught dead doing that, especially with Xiao Xingchen. But then again something about this cultivator was comforting.

He'd grown to quite like Xiao Xingchen. Xiao Xingchen was the first person in quite some time to treat him human. On top of that he's given Xue Yang at least one piece of candy everyday for quite some time. Xue Yang liked that. For once in his life, he felt like an equal. He felt as though everything that happened to him was just the past and with A-Qing and Xiao Xingchen in their coffin home, he could finally have the life he hoped for so long ago. 

With him failing to respond Xiao Xingchen called put to him again, "Chengmei. Talk to me." His voice was laced with concern. 

Xue Yang finally realized he'd been too lost in though to answer. "I'm fine, just thinking. There's so much you don't know about me, yet you choose to trust me. I could still be that same murderer and you wouldn't know if I didn't tell you."

"While that may be true, you've given me no reason to think that. Both A-Qing and I are still alive, no one's reported death in the city since we exterminated all those corpses. If you were still like that, tose strange occurrences would still happen." Xiao Xingchen spoke with such confidence it left Xue Yang speechless. 

"If you think so Daozhang, but I hope you hold yourself to that form of thinking when it comes to me, no matter what you find out." He didn't hear it in his voice but it was a little shaky. Xiao Xingchen squeezed his hand. Xue Yang flinched. Usually he's the one trying to 'comfort' Xiao Xingchen. Now he felt like a child. He grew agitated again.

'I will. I promise. I know I don't know everything about you and I've concluded that Chengmei is simply your courtesy name so I don't even know that, but there's something about you. I feel like I knew you and maybe we weren't on good terms, but you stayed. You and A-Qing have really helped me take my mind off of things." His face saddened at the last part.

Xue Yang knew exactly what those things are and at this point he wasn't going to pretend he didn't. But he also didn't like seeing Xiao Xingchen looking so sad. "Xiao Xingchen, if that incident of your past is weighing down on you, you can talk to me or A-Qing. I can promise you I'll listen without interruption unlike A-Qing, but it's not good to let that build up." Fuck, what was he doing? He can't even let his past go or talk about and now he, the cause of Xiao Xingchens problems, is offering to listen and console him? He really has grown soft in these three years.

"Thanks Chengmei, but I'm not in the mood." His voice was sorrowful. He never liked speaking of Song Lan and that was completely fine Xue Yang since he didn't like hearing about him.

"Well, you know where to find me if you need to talk." He needed to get out of this conversation, he couldn't handle it anymore. "You hungry Daozhang? It's getting close to lunch." He started taking out the food. He handed Xiao Xingchens portion to him.

Xiao Xingchen took it thanking him. They ate and spoke about the scenery around them, then took some rounds at telling  eachother jokes. Once they were done they packed up and headed back in a comfort silence. 

Once back Xue Yang went through the rest of their produce getting rid of all the bad stuff. "Daozhang, if you have five cabbages in one hand and ten carrots in the other, what do you have?"

"I don't know?"

"A reason to help me clear out these 5 bad cabbages and ten bad carrots. I can't hold all them." He was intending for a joke until he realized he couldn't take all of them out at once. Xiao Xingchen chuckled so had to have at least found it amusing. 

He went over and Xue Yang gave him half of everything. They brought the rotten vegetables out to the woods and put them down. 

"Next time you can just ask for help," Xiao Xingchen said as they headed back.

"That ruins the fun Daozhang. You still found it funny so it worked on that front." He grinned. 

"I suppose." Xiao Xingchen smiled.

Xue Yang Opened the door to let Xiao Xingchen in. "I'll be right back Daozhang, I just need to change my clothes since these ones got dirty. Guessing by the time, A-Qing should be back in a few minutes."

Xiao Xingchen nodded. "Help us soet through the produce when she gets back?"

"Obviously. You think I want to eat anymore rotten Cabbage soup?" Both he and Xiao Xingchen chuckled. "Be out shortly Daozhang." 

Xue Yang went to the room and rummaged around for the clothes he'd bought on his last outing. Once he found them he put them on. As he approached the door he heard talking and figured Little Blind was back. He was about to open the door when he heard an vaguely familiar voice but it wasn't Xiao Xingchen or A-Qing. He put his ear to the door listening.

Chapter Text

A-Qing had been in the market for a couple hours. she got what she thought was a decent amount of food when she decided to try to get some money. she spotted a rinch looking man and decided that was her target.

She walked into him and immediately said, "Sorry! I can't see, I'm blind."

The man took her to the side of the road, "Walk on the side, it's much easier." He reminded her of Daozhang when he dud that.

''You know you remind me of the Daozhang I live with. When I bumped into him he did the same thing." She wondered it all Daozhangs were like her Daozhang.

The man's face gave a strange look. "What is he like?'

"He's super kind. He takes care of us-"

He cut her off, "Us?"

"Yeah, me and this stranger who won't tell me his name. I don't trust him but Daozhang likes him so I'm stuck with him. But anyway, he's still useful since he's the only one with functioning eyes. Though sometimes I think he lies about the things he sees."

"Your Daozhang is blind? Do you know his name?" He seemed very curious.

"That shifty guy calls him Xiao Xingchen sometimes." The man seemed to be getting impatient. A-Qing wasn't expecting this reaction from him.

"Where is he now?"

"At home with the weirdo. That guy loves being around Daozhang. I started to notice how physical they are, it's weird." She really disliked seeing her Daozhang and that bastard walking arm in arm or leaning against each other.

"Take me to him. I've been trying to find him for three years to apologize." Thus shocked A-Qing. She wasn't expecting him to be so blunt or to know her Daozhang.

"How do I know I can trust you?" She started getting weary of him.

He told her almost the entirety of his history with Xiao Xingchen. She decided to trust him and brought him back to their coffin home. He rushed in almost immediately. A-Qing watched from the window.
______________________

Xue Yang moved to the door deciding to eavesdrop.

"Xingchen, I'm so sorry for how I treated you. It was wrong of me. I can't take back those actions but I hope the fact that I spent three years looking for you makes up for something." Xue Yang was certain now that this was Song Lan.

He was upset. Song Lan has no right to apologize, he has no right to get in the way of Xue Yangs perfect life. That was his Daozhang now, not Song Lan's. He was about to rush put before he remembered that Song Lan would identify him and that would really be the end. He decided to keep listening and decide whether or not he should run.

"Zichen, I accept your apology. I understand just how much stress Xue Yang can cause especially with what he did." Just like that? Really? Xiao Xingchen forgave him without hesitation. Xue Yang was fucked now. If Xiao Xingchen is on Song Lans side, Xue Yang didn't stand a chance.

Xiao Xingchen continued to speak, "why don't we catch up since it's been so long?"

"Sounds great. You pretty much know what I was up to but what about you? The girl who brought me here didn't tell me too much, just that it's you, her, and some mysterious man who won't give his name." Here we go. Xue Yang prepared to have to make a break for it.

"He refuses to tell A-Qing his name to make her agitated. His courtesy name is Chengmei. He seems to be bitter at first but once he warms up to you he's quite funny. We got along almost immediately though I think A-Qing is jealous of him because I split my time between the two of them. Chengmei is also a cultivator and when we first got here thus place had a corpse problem. Once his wounds were healed he helped me exterminate them. It's been quite some time since we last went on a night hunt." Xue Yang wondered how much if these words Xiao Xingchen would regret when Song Lan tells him that thus 'Chengmei' is actually Xue Yang.

"He sounds enjoyable. Do he and A-Qing get along?"

"They seem at eachothers throats but it's just how they get along. The second one of them gets in a bad mood the other pesters them until they figure out what's wrong. They talk it out and then things go back to normal. Chengmei often carves her food into shapes and buys her clothes though he won't admit to it. I think it's sweet." Sweet? Ha! Xiao Xingchen really doesn't know who he's talking about.

"What about you? How do you get along with them?"

"Pretty well. A-Qing is a huge help when it comes to cleaning up after meals. She usually does most if the talking but lately I've been teaching her how to make things, like bowls, plates, and baskets. Chengmei usually tells us stories. He also often tells us unique things we pass in nature. He's usually the one that helps make the meals. He likes to take trips down to the stream and he usually tries to joke around with all of us. When he comes out from changing, you should talk to him."

"Sounds like you've made quite the life here. Would you consider coming back with me? Maybe not now but in the future."

"I-" was all he could get out before being interrupted.

Xue Yang called from his room, "Daozhang who's out there?" He didn't like this conversation. If he were to be honest he didn't want to hear Xiao Xingchens answer because that would mean this whole life he built would come crashing down. Though now that he thought about it, it's going to come crashing either way.

Xiao Xingchen responded, "My friend, Song Lan" Xue Yang could've sworn he heard Song Lan release a sigh of sadness when Xiao Xingchen said that. "You should come down here and meet him."

"Sure Daozhang, just remember your promise from earlier." Reminding Xiao Xingchen of that promise was his last hope of walking out alive.

Xiao Xingchen laughed, "If it's really that important, I'll remember."

"Alright Daozhang." He opened the door slowly. Song Lan was staring intently.

When he came fully out Song Lan immediately drew his sword.

Xiao Xingchen looked panicked. "Zichen, what are you doing?"

"That Chengmei you're living with is Xue Yang." Here we go. Xue Yang put all his mental barriers back up.

Xiao Xingchen looking betrayed, "Chengmei, is that true?"

"Yes, it is." He grinned as he moved into the main area keeping some distance.

"Did it amuse you?" Xiao Xingchen asked, voice cold.

Xue Yang felt betrayed at the tone of Xiao Xingchens voice. The second he heard it his animosity towards Xiao Xingchen came back. Though he knew one thing, he wasn't pretending anything these last two years but why would Xiao Xingchen care about that.

Xue Yang took a bit to respond but once the resentment set in he could only manage to say one thing, "Why wouldn't it?"

Song Lan decided to join in by asking, "What were you planning, staying with him for years?"

This threw Xue Yang for a loop. Two years ago he would've said something along the lines of fucking with Xiao Xingchen and then once he'd had his fun making Xiao Xingchen a murderer, he'd kill him. But now? He wasn't planning anything, he enjoyed his life in the coffin home. Of course he often found it irritating that he couldn't kill anyone, but between Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing, he liked this fantasy life they built. Only, now the real world found them.

He realized he'd taken too long to answer so he gave a snippy response back. "Does it matter why? Maybe I was bored, felt like tearing him limb from limb, lonely, or maybe I actually enjoyed his fucking company!" Song Lan seemed to only listen to the two first ones ignoring the last two. Xue Yang on the other hand was wondering where those last two came from.

Xiao Xingchen very evidently heard the last two. "Did you do it just for something to amuse you or were you actually lonely?"

"Why should it matter to you? My thoughts and emotions are mine, not yours. Maybe it was both. Did you ever consider the fact that the world isn't as black and white as your precious sect taught you. I was hoping you'd pick that up in the story I told you earlier. Oh, on the subject of stories, I don't believe I finished the one about the boy that I was telling you and A-Qing earlier. Care to hear the rest?" He figured he might as well link the two stories of his past, that Xiao Xingchen knew, together before he died.

Song Lan responded for him, "No."

However, Xiao Xingchen gestured for him to continue. "Daozhang seems to want to know, so I'm going to tell you. It's up to him whether or not you find me at fault based off of the two stories he knows. If I am, you can do as you please." With that, Xue Yang told the rest of the story.

"When the child saw the man who'd coaxed him into delivering the letter, he was both aggrieved and happy. He threw himself at the man, tears streaming from his eyes as he told him that he did as told and received a beating, yet the dessert was gone. He asked for another plate, but when he looked up he saw the man face was bruised.

'The man that beat the child must've found him and beat him as well. This man didn't seem to like the idea of having a dirty child clinging to him and so he chucked him away, mounted his cart and told the driver to leave immediately.

"The child crawled up from the ground and chased the cart. He terribly wanted the sweets that the man hadn't given him. He caught up to the cart and waved in front of it wanting it to stop. The man who was obviously annoyed, grabbed a whip and lashed the boys head, knocking him to the ground."

Whith this next one he held up his left hand and emphasized every word: "And then, one by one, the cart's wheels rolled over each finger on the child's hand. Seven years old and the bones in his left hand were completely shattered! On top of that, one finger turned to mush on the spot!. The man that did that was Chang Ping's father!

"You were so righteous when you dragged me to Golden Carp Tower! You condemned me, demanding I explain my actions. You don't know what it's like to hear screams of excruciating agony come from your own mouth! You asked me why I murdered his family, but why not ask him why he played me and took advantage of a child!? You have Chang Ci'an to thank for the current Xue Yang! The Chang Clan of Yueyang only reaped what they sowed!"

Xue Yang had been waiting for apparently too long to get that off his chest. Suddenly he noticed he cheeks were a little wet. At some point he'd started crying. Song Lans face was almost impossible to read right now. His expression wasn't pleasant but seeing Xue Yang cry had clearly thrown him off.

Xiao Xingchens face flashed through a bunch if emotions before landing on disbelief. "If you wanted revenge for a broken finger, why didn't you just break one of his fingers? If that wasn't enough, then two fingers. Maybe ten! Even an arm! Why did you kill his whole family? Did one finger compare to fifty lives?'

Of course it alone wasn't worth those fifty lives, and he considered this when Xiao Xingchen asked the question. Of course the Chang Clan had caused other issues as well with him as he grew up so it wasn't just the finger. That finger however, got him to realize how much he hated them. Xue Yang had already known how to kill at that age but he wasn't dumb enough to go after a well known clan. In the end he didn't answer.

Xiao Xingchen continued his questions. "Why did you massacre Baixue temple? Why did you have to blind Song Zichen?"

Xue Yang knew answering that would be the final nail in his coffin. At least if he died here he wouldn't have to worry about a coffin. In the end he decided it was worse to remain silent than talk.

Do he responded, "Why didn't you stop me? Why were you always in my business? Why did you have to help those Changs? They made my life miserable!"

Song Lan got agitated at this and shouted, "It was a Finger!"

"That's where you're wrong. It wasn't just a finger! Daozhang, remember what I told you at the stream today? Those hired men, that tormented me at the restaurant, were from the Chang Clan! Those assassins my boss hired, were from the Chang Clan! The houses they had were simply so they didn't have to stay at an inn. And even after that, they always got in my way!"

Xiao Xingchens face changed again. He was definitely trying to find the black and white in this gray case.

"Who exactly were you helping? Was it Chang Ping or Chang Ci'an?" Xue Yang started laughing. "Remember how Chang Ping was so grateful at first and how later he begged you to stop helping him?"

Xiao Xingchens face contorted back into anger though Xue Yang could see just the faintest bit of pink on the bandage around his eyes.

"Maybe you shouldn't have left your mountain in the first place, if you can't understand that in this world, you can't just insert yourself into other peoples problems and try to fix it. Baixue Temple was the closest I could get to you and actually hurt you." And for some reason he almost regretted it.

Xiao Xingchen appeared as though he couldn't endure much more, he used what seemed to be a lot of effort to grit out a response. "...Xue Yang, you really are..." But he didn't finish it.

It didn't matter if he finished his sentence, Xue Yang knew what he wanted to say. "I'm what Daozhang? A monster? Disgusting? Repulsive? You don't need to say it. I know you're thinking it.'' With that the murderous glint in his eyes that had been long absent, returned.

Xiao Xingchen shook his head, "Xue Yang-"

But Xue Yang cut him off with dark chuckle. "This is why I hate you. Self-righteous people like you. Thinking you can just do a few good deeds, and the world will suddenly be a better place. You naive, idiotic, dumbass! You think that way about me? Fine, I'm not afraid of repulsing people or disgusting them. But do you have ther right?"

Xiao Xingchen was taken aback as he asked, "What do you mean?"

"A couple years ago didn't we kill whole groups of walking corpses?"

"Why are you bringing this up now?" Xiao Xingchen was uneasy, and if Xue Yang was honest, he didn't want to divulge this to Xiao Xingchen. But then again, he could finally have Xiao Xingchen truly down to his level.

However, he was to angry to think clearly and thus he continued, "It's a shame you're blind and couldn't see those walking corpses back then. They were so scared, some were even begging for mercy as you stabbed them with your sword. Some kowtowed at your feet begging for you to spare them or their families. If only I hadn't cut out their tongues prior..."

Xiao Xingchens body began to shake and Song Lan looked at Xue Yang in horror.

It took a moment for Xiao Xingchen to reply, "You're lying. You want to deceive me."

"I wish I was Daozhang, I really wish I was. Yet somehow you bought the lies and refuse the truth." Xue Yang really did wish he was lying because he started to come back to his senses.

Xiao Xingchen never called him anything, he just assumed, and when Xiao Xingchen tried to correct him he went on and made things worse.

Xiao Xingchen lunged at Xue Yang yelling, "Shut up! Shut up!"

And Xue Yang did. There was silence. Xiao Xingchen drew his sword and held it to Xue Yangs throat while he pinned him down.

Xiao Xingchen looked panicked. "Say Something..."

Xue Yang remained silent as did Song Lan who was visibly trying to comprehend everything.

Xiao Xingchen spoke again, "Say Something. Something!"

Xue Yang took the liberty and spoke up. "Daozhang, You failed this time, and it was my fault." Xue Yang wasn't sure if he was happy or sad but his cheeks were becoming wet again.

Xiao Xingchen however took as Xue Yang taking pride in the state he put Xiao Xingchen in. Suddenly Xiao Xingchen pressed Shanghua against his own neck. Xue Yangs expression panicked and the only thing he could think of is that he didn't want to lose Xiao Xingchen. He didn't want to lose the only person that ever truly cared for him and the only one he cared for. Dammit, he cared for him. Was Xue Yang even allowed to care for someone? It didn't matter right now. All that matters in thus moment is stopping Xiao Xingchen before its too late.

Song Lan saw this too but was still in such a confused state that his reaction time was too slow. By the time he made it over to them there was a patch of crimson blood on Xiao Xingchens white robes.

But it wasn't Xiao Xingchens blood but rather the blood of the one who was now holding the blade of Shanghua.

Xue Yang and shoved his hand between the blade and Xiao Xingchens neck right as Xiao Xingchen went to slit his throat. He grabbed the blade in the process and pulled it away. Currently he was holding Xiao Xingchen with his other arm and examining his throat for injuries, only calming down slightly when he found none.

Xiao Xingchen slapped Xue Yang across the face which fully brought Xue Yang back to his senses. He threw Shanghua to the side. Song Lan went to take Xiao Xingchen away but Xue Yang shoved him away.

Xiao Xingchens bandage was covered in blood from the tears he couldn't shed. Xue Yang felt horrible.

"I'm sorry Daozhang, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't mean for it to go this far. back then I truly thought I hated you and I hated how pure and righteous you were. I wanted you down on my level, so I didn't feel so low."

"Xue Yang-" Xiao Xingchen started but Xue Yang cut him off.

"I- I enjoyed the life we made here. It was fun and confortable. I rarely had the urge to hurt a single person. I love your company, I enjoy bickering with A-Qing over trivial matters. I love our walks to the stream, I like buying A-Qing beautiful new dresses when I see them in the market, and I like both her and you as people. Daozhang, I don't know what to do anymore. My whole life is one tragedy after another. It's broken me and I can't be fixed.

"I regret trying to bring you down to my level and I regret making you dig out your eyes. I want to regret Baixue Temple but if that didn't happen we wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't have come to realize that someone can actually care for me, even if they didn't know it was me. I stopped acting a while ago, the only thing I kept changed was my voice. I'm really sorry Xiao Xingchen." Xue Yang felt repulsed by himself for saying any of that.

And what's worse is that he's crying, again. And this time he couldn't stop his body from shaking so Xiao Xingchen noticed. He reached a hand up to Xue Yangs face and wiped the tears away.

"I can't just forgive you for what you did Xue Yang. Between what you've just stated and what I know from living with you, you had your reasons and they weren't baseless either. But why did you take it out on me and Zichen?" His voice was softer now.

The air between everyone was thick. Xiao Xingchens hand didn't move from where it was. Song Lan almost looked jealous and it made Xue Yang wonder if there was anything between those two prior to him interfering.

"I was jealous of you. You started out like me, but you got lucky and ended up in a righteous sect. You got everything I didn't, and then you came to this world and tried to fix something so broken and got in my way in the process. I got so pissed at you for being in my way that my goal was to make your life hell and any one close to you."

Xiao Xingchen spoke again. "I don't think you're repulsive, disgusting, or a monster. You're human. You were a child who was never shown love, compassion or empathy, and so you struggle with those to this day. I just wish you learned a little more self control. What just happened was you losing control wasn't it?"

"At first I was worried that Song Lan was going to ruin this life we built, then you started asking me questions and I got more agitated until I snapped."

"We'll talk more on this later. let's get you bandaged up, so your hand can heal."

Song Lan went over again. "Why are you bandaging his wound Xingchen? Aren't we bringing him in?"

"No, I'm curious about some things and after knowing what I do, I'd rather pass my own judgment on him."

"But wouldn't it be better to bring him in and lock him up?" Song Lan probably still hated Xue Yang with every fiber of his being, and was confused as to why Xiao Xingchen would rather keep such a dangerous man around.

"I think, at this point, the judgment they'll pass will be inaccurate." Now this, Xue Yang found amusing. Xiao Xingchen seemed to be slowly developing a new set of morals due to living with Xue Yang.

Song Lan on the other hand, found it to be unreasonable and continued to argue the matter until Xiao Xingchen had to yell at him to stop.

Chapter Text

Xiao Xingchen brought Xue Yang to the kitchen where they kept the first aid kit. It was clear now, that he still had some trust in Xue Yang as he wasn't restraining him as Xue Yang thought he would. He didn't even give Xue Yang a warning about trying anything. 

Xiao Xingchen found some bandages and after a little bit of effort wrapped Xue Yangs hand.

"It's funny how much trauma this hand goes through when I'm desperately trying to get what I want." Xue Yang chuckled. He could've sworn he saw Xiao Xingchens cheeks dust slightly red.

"Why didn't you tell me who you were sooner?"

Xue Yang carefully changed the bandage around Xiao Xingchens eyes as he spoke. "What just happened is why I never told you. I knew you would jump to the worst conclusion. And even if you kept me around, like you are, things wouldn't go back to the routine I liked. And honestly I thought I'd enjoy up killing you, which wasn't a horrible thought even a couple of minutes ago."

Xiao Xingchens face darkened. "Then why save me?"

"I told you why already. As I was saying, even a couple of minutes ago it wasn't a horrible thought, but then you put Shanghua to your throat and I realized the life I'd lose." He wanted to get out of this conversation. Maybe if he knocked Xiao Xingchen out he wouldn't have to continue it.

"I hope you know I'm going to have to lay down rules now."

Of course Xue Yang did. He lied to Xiao Xingchen in several different accounts. He's practically broken Xiao Xingchen and patched him together with extremely watery glue. He's done the same for his life in the coffin home. One wrong move and everything comes down again. 

"I expected as much. But if you're going to try to fix me, we can stop this here. I'm not looking to change, and I don't regret a majority of my actions. I might be broken but there's no fixing what I've become." Xue Yang had to get that out there now, knowing this cultivators tendencies to try and fix everything that's broken in his eyes.

"I already think you've changed." Xue Yang found that hilarious.

"I haven't, you've just gotten so used to me."

"No, you've changed at least a bit. You saved my life."

"After I almost made you take it. If I would've done one more thing to you, then you would've been gone. And I'd probably blame A-Qing and go kill her in a fit of rage." This was most likely the truth. He's honestly lucky he returned to his senses when he did, but now things are going to be difficult. 

Xiao Xingchens expression did a strange thing which is what Xue Yang had decided was his thinking face when it came to anything Xue Yang said or did that went against Xiao Xingchens beliefs. 

"You didn't," was all he said.

Xue Yang didn't have anything to say. Currently he was trying to keep things civil and tame so that nothing bad happened again, or being ran through with Shanghua, which he was also certain was going to happen when he left that room.

"So, what's changing?" He desperately wanted to change the subject so he decided to ask what's changing.

"You will no longer be going to the market unattended. To be safe I'll be taking your sword. To ensure you don't run away at night, I'll set up an array around both the property and your room, which you will now be sharing with one of us. And I believe Song Lan will be staying with us."

Absolutely not. He didn't want Song Lan there. The situation he was in was bad enough. Now he had to deal with that killjoy. This really couldn't get any worse. He took that back, what if Xiao Xingchen decided that he and Song Lan were to share a room? Xue Yang might drop dead then and there. If he made a break for it now, he might have a chance at escaping.

"No," was heard from behind them. Song Lan was standing there, arms crossed looked furious. "I will not be staying with a monster. Xingchen, you've grown a soft spot for Xue Yang. You understand that, right?"

"It's not a soft spot. There's just some things about him that I didn't realize. This whole living situation had given me some insight as to how he actually is. You might find the same if you stayed."

What the hell was Xiao Xingchen saying. He should just let the man leave, but of course he wouldn't because that man was at least his best friend. Xue Yang made a point to ask about it later. The looks Song Lan was giving Xiao Xingchen were making him curious. Not mention that right now he seemed almost jealous that he wasn't the one helping Xiao Xingchen. 

"What good is me staying going to do? You have everything under control, and there isn't really room for me anyway."

"There's only one actual room, but we have plenty of coffins you could stay in. A-Qing or I could also move into the room and you could have one of our coffins. Or you could stay in the room with him."

"Absolutely not!" Came out of both Xue Yangs and Song Lans mouth at the exact same time.

"The girl can move in with him."

"I'd rather have Daozhang. He's nice to me."

"I don't trust you. How do I know you aren't going to try and kill him in his sleep." Song Lan was visibly afraid that Xue Yang would seriously try to kill Xiao Xingchen. 

"If I wanted Daozhang and Little Blind dead, they already would be. What reason could I possibly have for dragging things out for three years? It's just a waste of the time I could be using to exact my revenge on Jin Guangyao. But no, I chose to stay here, I chose to live a mundane life with these two. Hell, I just stopped Xiao Xingchen from committing Fucking suicide. Use your brain for once. You can't tell me that with how big your head is, there isn't at least some brain in there."

That statement pissed Song Lan off. He went to lunge at Xue Yang. 

"Carefull now Song Lan, you wouldn't want to upset Xiao Xingchen or worse, accidentally stab him instead." Xue Yang smirked.

Song Lan stopped dead in his tracks as Xiao Xingchen turned his head in his direction. "Zichen, please refrain from violence for now. What good is it going to do for you in this situation."

"Yeah, what if you make me angry and I accidentally strangle your precious Xiao Xingchen." Song Lan only got more frustrated. 

"Chengm-" Xiao Xingchen started before realizing that he now knows who 'Chengmei' is. "Xue Yang, you're not helping here."

Xue Yang promptly stopped talking. 

"Back to what we were discussing prior. Xue Yang says he'd rather me, but I'll ask A-Qing first. For now, Xue Yang and I will collect his weapons and put arrays around the property." Xiao Xingchen stood up going to help Xue Yang up as well.

Xue Yang hesitated for a couple moments wondering if he should accept or not. He decided to accept under the thought of pissing off Song Lan. Xiao Xingchen went to pull his hand away as Xue Yang grabbed it. He helped him to his feet and went to head towards Xue Yangs room.

"Zichen, can you go find A-Qing so we can catch her up on what's happening?" 

Song Lan hesitantly nodded before making a sound of compliance. He then briskly left the house.

Now that he was out Xue Yang wanted to ask if there was ever something between Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. So he did. "Hey Daozhang, can I ask you something a little personal?"

Xiao Xingchen gestured for him to ask.

"You and Song Lan, was there anything more between you?" This question was bothering Xue Yang for some reason, and on top of that he was afraid of the answer. He wasn't sure why, he thought maybe he was just agitated from earlier and left it at that.

Xiao Xingchens face did some weird things before he decided to answer. "There was. A couple weeks before you..." His voice trailed off.

"Before I massacred Baixue Temple, right?"

Xiao Xingchen nodded and continued to speak. "We decided to take our relationship to a new level and became cultivation partners. We never actually got there because of you. Thinking on it now I'm not sure if I should thank you or not. Zichen is a great friend, but he's got a bit of a temper, and absolutely zero sense of humor. Not to mention, he didn't actually know certain things about me..." Xiao Xingchen trailed off again. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he refrained. 

"I'd apologize to you for that, but I don't really feel bad." Xue Yang shrugged as he went to grab Jiangzai.

"I know that. I don't expect you to feel bad." Xiao Xingchens voice was flat as he spoke. 

"I get it. No one expects Xue Yang to feel remorse. or guilt." Xue Yang was mildly agitated. He went back to Xiao Xingchen and placed Jiangzai in his hand.

"That's not what I meant. And you did apologize to me earlier, so I know you have guilt to some extent." Xiao Xingchen gave him a complicated expression. "That's one of the reasons why I want to keep you here for now."

Xue Yang remained silent as he grabbed a few miscellaneous weapons he'd been keeping around.

He abruptly spoke, "Daozhang, what are your other reasons?" Xue Yang genuinely wanted to know. He had a feeling Xiao Xingchen was just keeping him there to try and figure him out more, and maybe try to kill him himself later. 

"You're interesting, and without knowing that you're Xue Yang I got along with you better than anyone else since my days with Baoshan Sanren."

"You just wish I wasn't me, right? Because then you wouldn't be put in this position. Even if I did absolutely nothing in these three years you'd still be conflicted. Can I keep this knife? It's a souvenir of mine." He held up a beautiful knife, with gems embedded in the handle and intricate carvings on the blade, despite the fact that Xiao Xingchen couldn't see it.

"Where's it from?"

''Yueyang," Xue Yang answered shortly. 

"Did it belong to the Chang Clan?"

"Yes," was all that Xue Yang said.

"Let me examine it." He held his hand our for it. He was being really trusting of Xue Yang, and what's worse was Xue Yang was giving him reasons to trust him.

He handed over the blade to let the cultivator inspect it. It was rather dull though it wasn't hard to tell that it was alow-grade spiritual weapon, and one used for demonic cultivation at that.

Xiao Xingchens expression turned into an uneasy one. "You said this was from the Chang Clan of Yueyang?"

''Yes."

"Then why is there so much resentful energy on it? What reason did the Changs have to be in possession of a demonic cultivation spiritual weapon?"

"Ah, you see it was mine until Chang Ci'an got in my way and took it. Not only did he take it but he decided it needed a makeover, so he engraved the blade. I almost didn't recognize it when I saw it again."

"So it was yours to begin with?" His expression lightened a bit.

"Technically I stole it from some street vendors. But I forged it into a spiritual weapon. It's usually the one I used as backup in case something happens to Jiangzai." What he didn't mention in his explanation is that Chang Ci'an only took it after Xue Yang stabbed him with it seemingly unprovoked.

"I see. I'll take it for now, until I can come to a clear decision."

"I understand," Xue Yang gritted out. 

"While we're here, why don't we set up the array?"

"Sure Daozhang," Xue Yang said in a cold voice. 

"Is something wrong? You were fine a couple minutes ago." Xiao Xingchen genuinely looked concerned. Xue Yang figured he was probably worried about his safety but that thought was wiped out of his brain when Xiao Xingchen approached him.

"Nothing is wrong Daozhang. I'm perfectly fine." Dammit, he just wanted to be left alone now. These new arrangements were starting to agitate him, and now he's going to have to deal with Xiao Xingchens and Song Lans relationship issues too. He was starting to get frustrated. 

"Ch- Xue Yang. If something is bothering you, you should talk about it rather than keep it to yourself." Xiao Xingchen spoke in a matter of fact way though there was some concern in his voice. Xue Yang wondered what he was concerned about.

Xue Yang laughed. "You're hilarious Xiao Xingchen. No one wants to hear me complain. And even when I did talk, it never stopped my grudges or my anger. However, making a person bleed and suffer did manage to calm me down. Even better if I could kill them." He waited to see Xiao Xingchens reaction. He expected him to recoil with disgust. 

He wasn't right,  but Xiao Xingchen stopped dead in his tracks. This confirmed what Xue Yang suspected: Xiao Xingchen thought he was some sort of disgusting monster, who might have the possibility of being reformed. 

"You know there's better ways to handle frustration, right? Some people find hobbies that help them with it."

Xue Yang knew this. He had hobbies of his own. He liked to carve things, usually food, into shapes. Sometimes he found himself carving the food he gave to A-Qing and Xiao Xingchen. "I'm well aware of that Daozhang. I carve food."

Xiao Xingchens face did something weird again. Xue Yang noticed he had a faint smile on his face. "So that's why my food feels strange sometimes?"

"Yes."

"Have you considered carving wood?"

"I only ever did once. Jin Guangyao didn't like it so I was only allowed to carve patterns after that. He said I shouldn't be carving cute animals." Damn he hated Jin Guangyao with every fiber of his being. Just thinking about him was enough to drive him insane. 

"What was it?"

Xue Yang almost felt embarrassed, but he couldn't seem to find a reason why he should be so instead he answered flatly, "A bunny."

Xiao Xingchen seemed to stop and think for a minute before speaking. "Jin Guangyao didn't like that you made a bunny? I think it would've been a cute decoration."

"That was one of the few times in my life that I'd thought something similar, but he was in a bad mood and threw it out the window in a fit of rage."

"What got him in such a bad mood?"

"Hell if I know. He's got a short temper outside of the public eye."

"That's shocking." Xiao Xingchen clearly had no idea how shitty of a person Jin Guangyao is, but who can blame him? No one really knew how fucked up he was. Hell, Xue Yang doesn't even know.

"Not really once you get to know him, but enough on that. Where exactly did you want to set up this stupid array?" He just wanted to get this over with. He knew he had it coming but he was expecting to be dead, not under fucking house arrest. Thar somehow made him more agitated. 

"It's not stupid, it's meant to make sure that everyone stays safe."

"Because I might go batshit insane and murder everyone here, right?" Xue Yangs voice had a sour tone in it.

Xiao Xingchen got a slightly panicked look and tried flashing Xue Yang a reassuring smile. "That's not what I said."

"But it's what you meant. I get it though, I mean I did try to kill you and Song Lan several times. It's only fair you make sure you're both safe and away from me. Who knows, I might accidentally stab one of you in my sleep."

"No, I- well-" Xiao Xingchen continued to stutter over his words.

"I get it Daozhang, there's no need to try and explain." Xue Yang started working on the array.

"Xue Yang, I'm not afraid of you killing me. I don't think you will, it's just... I can't figure you out. If what you said earlier was you just trying to make me mad out of a fit of rage, then why are you here? Why aren't I dead? Why did you save me? And why are you being so compliant?"

"You don't need to try and figure me out, I told you earlier. Not everything I said was a lie. I hate people who think they can do a few good things and suddenly the world is better. The Chang Clan got what they deserved. That finger was mine and those lives didn't belong to Chang Ci'an. They wronged me and if I could go back I'd do it again. Same with Baixue Temple."

Xiao Xingchens face darkened but he seemed to be contemplating something. Xue Yang ignored him and continued speaking. "To answer your questions, I honestly don't know why I'm still here. It probably has something to do with you treating me," he paused for a minute, "normal, like I was just another person and not some monster. That's the same reason for why you aren't dead. I saved you because I didn't want to lose this life here. If you died, that would mean it's gone. No one's ever treated me like you have, but it doesn't matter because you didn't know who I was. And I'm being compliant for all those reasons."

"It does matter, at least to an extent. Everyone deserves someone to care about them." Xiao Xingchen moved a little closer to Xue Yang.

"Yeah, sure Daozhang. But I don't need your pity. I made it on my own." He really wasn't in the mood for this conversation. Jin Guangyao once tried to have this type of conversation with him. It ended in three dead bodyguards and a small fire.

"I don't pity you Xue Yang-"

Xue Yang cut him off. "Whatever, can we finish this?" His voice was harsher than he wanted it to be but who cares at this point. 

Xiao Xingchen was taken aback for a moment before he seemed to remember who he was talking to and what he was supposed to be doing. 

Silently the two finished the array. The pair then went outside and swiftly set up the array out there. 

They went inside to be met withA-Qing and Song Lan who were sitting on the couch. She gave Xue Yang a look filled with hatred and distrust. 

"Get away from my Daozhang you monster! Song Lan-Daozhang told me everything." She rushed over to them, fumbling around to find Xiao Xingchen, and pulled him away from Xue Yang. 

"He's not your Daozhang. You can't just claim people like that. And do you really think calling me a monster offends me?" At least Xue Yang didn't have to explain the situation to her if she already knew. 

"Well, he definitely shouldn't be by you. And I don't care what offends you. We should've left you in the ditch. I bet if Daozhang knew who you were, he would've left you for dead." She glared at him while speaking.

"He probably would've," Xue Yang said.

"I wouldn't have," Xiao Xingchen said at the same time.

Both A-Qing and Song Lan gave Xiao Xingchen a look that he couldn't see.

"Xingchen, sometimes you're too good for your own well-being. It worries me. Even now, you won't turn him in because he might have valid reasons and you've grown close to him."

"I agree Daozhang. I never liked him and now we have a legitimate reason to kick him out and you want to keep him. And for the record, I refuse to stay in that room. I for one, like living." 

Xiao Xingchen turned to her. "I never said you were staying in there. It was just an option."

A-Qing glanced between Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan before responding. "Song Lan-Daozhang said I was going to stay in there."

Xue Yang glared at Song Lan while Xiao Xingchen spoke. "Zichen, the point of bringing A-Qing was to discuss. I don't believe it wise to put an inexperienced child in there. She's no cultivator, it wouldn't be fair."

A-Qing humphed. "I'm not inexperienced, but I agree, it's not fair. I'd rather not die."

"Relax, I'm not killing anyone. Yet." This gained Xue Yang a 'look' from all three of them.

Xiao Xingchen corrected him. "You're not killing any of us. Ever." Xue Yang studied his expression for a minute. He decided Xiao Xingchen knew that telling Xue Yang to stop killing was an impossible request, but he was sure Xiao Xingchen knew that Xue Yang rarely killed people in cold blood. They always had some connection to his target. 

"Don't get too ahead of yourself Daozhang. You and Blindie are fine, but Song Zichen-Daozgang should tread carefully." He chuckled. "Kidding. He's fine. But only because I don't want Daozhang to do something rash like earlier."

"Stop pretending to care about Daozhang!" A-Qing yelled.

"I'm not pretending. Or maybe I am. I guess you'll never know Blindie." He flashed her a toothy grin signifying he was joking though unfortunately he figured only Song Lan could see it. He had his suspicions about her being blind but he had to admit she's a good actor if she isn't blind.

A-Qings face turned bright red out of anger. She obviously knew he was fucking with her at this point but she didn't want to believe he actually wasn't pretending.

"Yeah right. Why can't you just stay in your room on your own, like normal?"

Xiao Xingchen responded to her question. "It's to make sure he's not plotting anything in secret. After all, we don't know how much was actually an act those last three years."

"Ouch," Xue Yang said. He had eventually stopped acting. He wasn't entirely sure when but at some point Xue Yang and 'Chengmei' became the same person under one alias.

Xiao Xingchen turned to him. He appeared to be contemplating something when A-Qing spoke. "Don't act so offended you freak. Daozhang has a point." A-Qing glared at him.

"Can we get back on topic?" Song Lan asked in a mildly agitated voice. "Who is staying with him Xingchen? Me or you?"

"I really hope it's not you. I might die of boredom alone if I'm forced to spend every night with you. I bet you can't even tell one good fucking joke." Xue Yang was glaring daggers at Song Lan. 

"I hope it is him, that way you can get a small taste of karma and suffer." A-Qing was adamant on making Xue Yangs life miserable.

"Ch- Xue Yang already stated he'd rather have me. And honestly, if anyone wants any sleep at night, it's the best option." Xiao Xingchen seemed a little hesitant on his decision but he was right. Xue Yang would probably spend the night arguing with the other two, so at least with this arrangement nights would be at least a little peaceful.

"Daozhang!" A-Qing whined. "What if he tries something?"

"A-Qing, I've spent the night in the same room as him on several occasions. This won't be much different." Xiao Xingchen patted her head reassuringly.

"Xingchen, I don't think it's a wise decision. Perhaps he would be fine on his own?" His face had traces of contempt directed at Xue Yang.

"It's only until I can determine he won't try anything." He gave Song Lan a reassuring smile. "Anyway it's getting late, we should make dinner. Xue Yang?"

"I'll get things prepared." Xue Yang left for the kitchen ignoring the conversation going on in the main area. 

He was surprised Xiao Xingchen was letting him cook. He never actually cooked alone. Just like shopping, their cooking was done in shifts. Today however was most likely going to be just Xue Yang since Song Lan was there. The other two were too enthralled by him to even bother to remember whose turn it was. So Xue Yang got to cooking. 

He spent about an hour in the kitchen before coming out with a soup he came up with on the spot. He carved the food into animal shapes despite what Song Lan might think or say. There were bunnies, dogs, cats, and dragons. 

He set the table intentionally making sure Song Lan got the worst spot. "Dinner's ready! It's a new recipe I've been wanting to try!" His voice echoed a couple times throughout the house.

The three other people came over. A-Qing and Xiao Xingchen sat in their normal spots. Xue Yang gestured for Song Lan to sit in the spot he prepared. Song Lan hesitantly complied. 

Xiao Xingchen started eating shortly after muttering a 'thank you'. A-Qing 'stared' at her food before deciding to eat it. Song Lan simply stared.

"Why are there dogs, dragons, bunnies, and cats in my food?" He looked genuinely confused. 

"I got bored while cooking so I carved the carrots into shapes. If you don't want it go make yourself something else. I'm not going to accommodate to you." Xue Yang sat down in between Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing. 

"How do I know you didn't poison it?"

"If I poisoned it, why are they eating their food fine?" This was starting to agitate him again.

"Could be just mine." Song Lan argued back.

"Then fucking have mine!" He aggressively shoved his bowl in Song Lans direction and took his. "I'm not in the fucking mood for you and your half-witted brain right now! Hell don't eat, you can starve for all I care if it means you won't be fucking poisoned!" Xue Yang slammed his fists down on the table.

Xiao Xingchen picked his head up from eating so that he could face Xue Yang. "Can we please not fight while we're eating?"

"Some of us are trying to eat." Xue Yang muttered before beginning to eat what was supposed to be Song Lans food. 

Dinner was mostly silent as was the rest of the evening aside from the occasional whispering between A-Qing and Song Lan. 

Xue Yang sat farther away from everyone else than he usually did. He missed sitting in between A-Qing and Xiao Xingchen but every time he tried to go over Song Lan would move his hand to the hilt of his sword while glaring at him. Xue Yang naturally, glared back. 

After about an hour and a half of this he got up. "I'm going to bed," he announced as he walked to his room. He slammed the door, went to his bed and curled up in his sheets. He could've sworn he heard some bickering outside the room but he chose to ignore it.

After about 5 or so minutes the door quietly opened. He heard someone come in and quietly close the door behind them. "Daozhang?" Xue Yang asked, his voice was a little agitated but mostly tired. He was already almost asleep.

"Yes?" Xiao Xingchens voice was closer than he thought.

"Where are you going to sleep?" His voice was extremely groggy now.

"Right here is fine."

Xue Yang threw his blanket at Xiao Xingchen. "Take this."

"I don't need this." Xiao Xingchen put it back on Xue Yang. 

Xue Yang threw it back at him. "Goodnight Xiao Xingchen." And with that he fell asleep.

Chapter Text

When Xue Yang woke up Xiao Xingchens was asleep with his head resting on the bed. Xue Yang stared at him for a few minutes. He took note of how even his breathing was. How much more gentle his face looked, as if it could look any more gentle than it was. He also took note of how peaceful he looked despite being right next to Xue Yang. It made Xue Yangs stomach feel weird. He couldn't quite figure it out. Perhaps he'd gotten sick from spending too much time around Song Lan.

Xue Yang put the blanket around Xiao Xingchens shoulders before deciding to put him on the bed. He carefully picked him up and set him on the bed. Once he set him down he stared at him in confusion. Why did he do that? What compelled him to do such a thing? He wasn't sure himself. 

He walked over to the window and took a peek outside to see that the sun had barely risen. The array wouldn't let him out for approximately another hour,  unless Xiao Xingchen woke up before then, so he decided he was going to come up with a new hobby to bide his time. The only issue is, he didn't know what.

He could start a fire and burn the house down, he had the materials, but then the life he'd grown to like would burn with it. On the other hand he could get out of this crappy situation. Ultimately he decided against it.

He started carving into the wood with his nails. After about forty five minutes of this Xiao Xingchen started to move. Xue Yang watched him, taking a break from the giant gouge he'd made in the floor. He'd fix that later.

Xiao Xingchen yawned, stretched, then slowly starred to sit up. He than seemed to have a distressed look on his face as he sat up quickly. He looked both panicked and confused. Almost as if he'd forgotten where he was and why he was there.

Without thinking Xue Yang went over to him and gently grabbed his arm as he usually would've done in a situation similar to this prior to yesterday. 

"Daozhang, are you alright?" Xue Yang was taken aback by his own voice.  He sounded worried. Since when could he genuinely sound worried when it wasn't a life or death situation. 

Xiao Xingchen relaxed a little before pulling his arm away. He then briskly got up and left leave Xue Yang confused and stunned for a few moments. Then it clicked, Xiao Xingchen had finally processed everything that happened yesterday and decided he didn't want to spend any unnecessary time around Xue Yang. He probably also remembered his undying love for Song Lan. Xue Yang found it absolutely disgusting.

He wanted to go after Xiao Xingchen and demand an explanation but he'd seem like a female trying to get back her ex who cheated on her. And Xue Yang was not that person. Plus, he already knew this was going to happen. He just didn't expect it to be so soon.

He decided to wait the fifteen minutes before heading out. When he did he was greeted by the sight of breakfast on the table and three people sitting at it eating. He casually walked over and took his spot. He then began to eat. Breakfast was silent save for the sound of their chopsticks and bowls.

After breakfast Xue Yang was in charge of getting produce so he and Xiao Xingchen went down to the market in an extremely uncomfortable silence. Xue Yang hated it. It wasn't necessarily the fact that it was silent, but rather that it was so awkwardly uncomfortable. 

They made it to the market and only discussed the foods they'd be getting. Xue Yang However did buy Xiao Xingchen a pillow and blanket which he figured he'd just throw at him later, and he bought A-Qing a fox neclace to match her hair pin. He was really starting to question the things he was doing. Next he'd probably be picking out random things for Song Lan too.

On the way back Xiao Xingchen finally decided to speak. "Is there a reason I ended up in your bed?"

Xue Yang couldn't help but laugh. "Daozhang, is that the reason you've been avoiding me all day?"

Xiao Xingchen didn't answer.

"You looked uncomfortable, so I moved you somewhere more comfortable. We didn't sleep together if that's what you're worried about." Xue Yang only meant it as in sleeping in the same bed but Xiao Xingchens face started turning red.

Xue Yang wondered if he was thinking about him or Song Lan. It was probably the latter, after all, they were supposed to be cultivation partners before Xue Yang massacred Baixue Temple. 

"That's not- I- Whenever I wake up in a new place, if I'm not in the same spot I was in when I fell asleep, I panic." When Xiao Xingchen said that Xue Yang breathed out a sigh of relief he didn't know he was holding. "Doesn't matter now though. It's a one-time thing."

They neared the house and as they did Xiao Xingchen went quiet again. Xue Yang found this strange but didn't feel like prodding. Prodding lead to emotions, and Xue Yang can't do that. So, he let it be.

The rest of the day passed with Xue Yang occasionally arguing with Song Lan, A-Qing trying to convince Xiao Xingchen to throw Xue Yang out, and Song Lan and A-Qing giving him strange looks. Xiao Xingchen barely said a word more than necessary to him. 

When Xue Yang gave him the blanket and pillow, Xiao Xingchen did manage to say 'thank you' but that was it. 

The next morning when Xiao Xingchen woke up he didn't panic but he still ignored Xue Yang. The rest of the day passed in roughly the same manner as the day prior except A-Qing and Xiao Xingchen went out today. The next almost two weeks were the same as well. 

Xue Yang did manage to get a lot of thinking done during this time, and he decided on one thing. He was envious of Song Lan for being Xiao Xingchen cultivation partner, even if it was brief. He just didn't know how to handle this realization especially since he now had to share a room with Xiao Xingchen. He hoped that this envy only ran as deep as lust and not some other emotion he'd have to try to figure out.

It already took him two years to understand happy, and not 'I just killed my enemies' happy, but contentment. At least he'd already been handling this 'lust' for about a year. It's just that in these last few weeks he'd come to notice it more. 

Near the end of the second week Song Lan had to go take a trip to the market on his own for the first time. Xue Yang was glad to finally have him out of the house. Only issue is no one in the house would actually talk to him. Every time he tried to talk to Xiao Xingchen, he'd get a bland response followed by a half-assed excuse as to why Xiao Xingchen couldn't talk.

After a couple hours, Song Lan came back with the food. He looked a bit strange but Xue Yang ignored it figuring that he never actually got a good look at him until now. He set the basket with food down and went outside. With a couple vegetables to wash them. When he came back he smiled at Xue Yang, who returned the look with a glare.

Song Lan continued to smile which started to piss Xue Yang off. "Why are you looking at me like that? It's fucking weird." His fave was more expressionistic than Xue Yang thought it could be. Did he hit his head? This smile looked familiar.

"We live together, I'm not allowed to smile at you?" He really did look strange. Even stranger, an argument hadn't started yet.

"I didn't say that, but it really is fucking weird." Xue Yang narrowed his eyes. What the actual fuck was wrong with Song Lan?

Xue Yang decided he was going to find Xiao Xingchen and ask him. Maybe they finally made up and that's why he was in such a good mood.

"Then I'm going to keep doing it."

"Okay, you do that. I'm going to go take a walk around the yard to clear my head." Xue Yang turned to leave. 

"Around the yard? Why not a longer walk?" Was this guy trying to rub Xue Yangs situation in? Or perhaps he has a horrible memory.

Xue Yang glared at him. "You know why." With that he went outside looking for Xiao Xingchen. 

He found him behind the house tending to their small garden while humming a tune. It was a beautiful sight that Xue Yang wished he could look at all day. He approached him from behind and waited for a minute. Xiao Xingchen obviously hadn't noticed him so he made himself known. "Daozhang?"

No response. 

"Daozhang?" His voice was a little louder now.

Still nothing.

"Bright moon and gentle breeze?" Xue Yang tried but to no avail.

"Xiao Xingchen are you trying to ignore me!" His voice shook a bit. He wasn't expecting that, but at least it got Xiao Xingchen to acknowledge him.

"What?" His voice was cold.

"Look, I understand why you're avoiding me, I think, but please listen." Xue Yangs voice was urgent. 

Xiao Xingchen inclined his head for him to continue. 

"Now hear me out. I know you have zero reason to trust me-"

Xiao Xingchen cut him off, "I trust you, but it's the fact that I do that scares me."

"Okay well,  Song Lan is acting strange. I know to you this will sound like a good thing but, he's been smiling at me and moving around a little more cheerful. Did you have something to do with that?"

Xiao Xingchen shook his head. "No..? Nothing's changed. But it's good that he's making an effort."

"See that's the thing Daozhang, his smile is off-putting. It reminds me of someone else, and not to mention he looks different too."

Xiao Xingchen seemed to contemplate things for a minute before standing up. "Wait here and I'll go talk to him."

"But Daozhang-"

Cut off, again. "Xue Yang, please." And with that he left Xue Yang there, speechless. Xiao Xingchen really had a habit of cutting Xue Yangs sentences short. 

"So much for that idea," he muttered. 

He sat down on a log nearby and started drawing in the dirt. He ended up drawing Xiao Xingchen on accident. It was a good drawing, in his open, but it made him feel weird. So he got rid of it.

Xiao Xingchen came back out a while later. "He seems fine."

"Daozhang, I mean as little offense as possible, but you're easy to deceive. He looks off. I can't pin what it is, but his smile is too familiar and somethings wrong with his face. He also seems to have forgotten I can't leave the property without you or him accompanying me." 

Xiao Xingchen seemed to think again. "I'll pay more attention around him but there's really not much I can do."

Fucking hell. This wasn't getting anywhere. Unfortunately this was the closest option Xue Yang had to actually getting someone to notice but it had to be fucking Xiao Xingchen. He wanted to stab someone right now. He won't, mostly because he can't, but he wants to. 

He went back inside and decided, he didn't care what Song Lan thought, he was going to sit down and watch him until he figured it out. Song Lan didn't care, that confused Xue Yang more.

Then it clicked, his eyes were different. They weren't Xiao Xingchens calm dark eyes, but rather like that opossum Jin Guangyao's with their golden tint and hidden maliciousness. Xue Yang had to figure out what was going on. 

He let things play out for a couple days buy the only thing that changed was 'Song Lan' becoming nicer and nicer to Xue Yang and flirting more with Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang started drawing the Song Lan he remembered and compared it with the Song Lan of now. 

Now all he had to do was figure put how to to get Xiao Xingchen to believe him. This 'Song Lan' was definitely someone from the Jin Clan. 

That night he waited patiently in his room for Xiao Xingchen to come in. He didn't have to wait long. He heard the door open. He quickly pretended to be asleep.

Xiao Xingchen carefully stripped to his inner robes, folding his outer robes neatly and setting them on the floor. He then turned in the direction of his makeshift bed, on the floor near Xue Yangs, and went over to it sitting down. He then turned in Xue Yangs direction. 

"Why are things so complicated with you?"

Xue Yang went to respond but Xiao Xingchen kept talking struggling to come up with words. "I want to hate you, after everything you did, but you haven't changed from when you were pretending to be my friend. I can't bring myself to hate you. I can only blame myself for everything that went wrong. I should've known it was you sooner. You're voice and manner of speaking was familiar, and I knew you were missing a finger. And before that, I let you stay without asking questions. Now, I know and I'm still letting you stay. I can't help but like you, but my brain wants to hate you. I hope you'll forgive me for my coldness." With that Xiao Xingchen turned around and layed down. His words sounded like a crappy poem that didn't even rhyme. 

Xue Yang probably wasn't meant to hear any of that to begin with but it pulled on something in him. He decided to respond. "I wasn't pretending to be your friend Daozhang. If I could ever figure out how to forgive, I'd forgive you first, and you alone." He was too tired to think properly and wasn't thinking before he spoke. He barely registered was was coming out of his mouth as he spoke. And he probably would've if it wasn't for Xiao Xingchens reaction. 

Xiao Xingchens head shot up in surprise. "You're awake?" His voice sounded panicked. 

"Yeah.. but don't worry Daozhang, we both said embarrassing things. I'm glad you don't actually hate me though. Can we continue this conversation in the morning? I'm tired." Xue Yang yawned and he made sure it was audible. He couldn't fall asleep just yet though. 

Xiao Xingchen nodded too embarrassed to say anything. He then layed back down. 

Xue Yang waited about an hour to check if he was asleep, once he was certain he was, he git to work. Luckily for him, Demonic Cultivation was able to go undetected by Xiao Xingchens array.

_______________________________

The next morning Xue Yang was woken up by a distressed Xiao Xingchen.

"XUE YANG WHAT DID YOU DO?" Xiao Xingchen was mostly distressed. He immediately grabbed Xue Yangs face examining it. "Where did the eyes come from? Who did you take it from?"

Xue Yang stared at Xiao Xingchen still trying to process what was going on. Xiao Xingchen was giving him an expectant look, waiting for an explanation. 

"Me, myself and I is where those eyes came from. Relax Daozhang. I needed to find a way to prove to you that Song Lan seems different. I think that rat  Jin Guangyao  sent a clone or something. Wouldn't surprise me if he mixed mine and The Yiling Patriarchs work to come up with something. I took out my left eye, cut it in half and forged two new eyes from them using demonic cultivation, I then proceeded to form them as your old eyes once were. I did the same for myself. Now I can present you with my evidence."

"Hold on. You dug your eyes out, cut them in half, re-sculpted them, and gave them to me?" Xiao Xingchens expression was a cross between, confusion, gratitude, and frustration.

"Yes." 

"And all this to prove a point to me?" 

"Technically, yes," Xue Yang said flatly. Xiao Xingchen looked dumbfounded. "So as I was saying, I have some proof, but first we're going to see how well your memory is." Xue Yang reached under his pillow and pulled out three pieces of paper. 

At that moment someone knocked on the door. "Xiao Xingchen-Daozhang, is everything alright?" It was 'Song Lan' inquiring if Xiao Xingchen was okay.

"See, Daozhang this is what I'm talking about. He's never that formal," Xue Yang whispered to Xiao Xingchen. 

Xiao Xingchen considerd his words before relaxing a little bit. "We're fine. Xue Yang just set me in his bed after he woke up and got ready. It startled me." Who knew Xiao Xingchen would lie like that to his precious Song Lan. 

"Alright Xiao Xingchen-Daozhang. Holler if you need anything. I'm making breakfast." Xue Yang could hear his footsteps leaving the door.

"Explain!" Xiao Xingchen gestured to the papers Xue Yang was holding. 

"This is Song Lan, correct?" He held up a picture he drew of Song Lan when he first started living there.

"Mn, It is." Xiao Xingchen looked confused.

''And this is also Song Lan, yes?" He held up the picture of current 'Song Lan'.

Xiao Xingchen nodded. "Yes. Your point?"

Xue Yang handed the pictures to Xiao Xingchen. "Tell me which one looks more like Song Lan."

Xiao Xingchen took them and studied them for a minute. "This one, the other one has a slightlyoff face shape and the eyes are wrong. They don'tlook like mine or his," he said holding out the first one Xue Yang showed him.

"See, that's what I thought too, but apparently the one that doesn't look like him is him." Xue Yang put away the first picture and held up another one. "This however,  does look similar to the picture you're holding." He held up a picture of Jin Guangshan.

Xue Yang studied the two. "What are your saying?"

"I think Jin Guangyao took Song Lan to Lanling. I think Jin Guangyao forced one of his half brothers to use demonic cultivation to assume Song Lans form and sent him here."

"Why would he do that?" Xiao Xingchen wondered. 

"Because he probably found out I didn't die when he wanted me to. So now he's got someone watching me." This was his best guess though not it made him worried about what Jin Guangyao would do in the future.

"How are you going to prove this?"

"If he used the method I think he did, I just need to undo it while he's sleeping. Or take a risk and stab him. Personally I find that more efficient." He chuckled. "Either way, he can't know we're onto him, so we'll only be able to discuss at nights."

"Can you do the ritual thing tonight?" Xiao Xingchen was uneasy with the possible situation they found themselves in. 

"Yes, if that's what you want."

"Well you didn't really ask what I wanted when you gave me eyes." He tried smiling though it didn't really last.

"We'll do that then." Xue Yang stood up and started to leave.

"Xue Yang." Xue Yang turned towards him. "If this is an impostor, how are you planning on getting Song Lan back?"

"I've been meaning to get revenge on Jin Guangyao, so I'll just kill two birds with one stone. I'll even let you come if you want." Xue Yang smiled.

Xiao Xingchen nodded. Xue Yang threw him a blindfold. 

"This one's lighter so you can see through it."

"What about- Nevermind." Xiao Xingchen tied the blindfold and left shortly after Xue Yang did.

The day passed relatively the same as the others. Xiao Xingchen pulled Xue Yang aside towards the end of the day under the pretense of 'discussing his punishment'. They took a walk down to the stream in silence.

After they settled on some logs they'd set-up a year ago Xiao Xingchen spoke. "The more time I spent with him the more I realized you're right. I'm sorry for doubting you."

"Don't worry Daozhang, I'm used to it." This wasn't going to be another conversation where Xiao Xingchen tries to express his emotions. 

"I guess I'm just used to not trusting you and since Song Lan came here, I've gone back to seeing you how the world sees you, not how you are."

Xue Yang pulled off his blindfold and looked him in the eyes. "Daozhang, seriously, don't worry about it. I know you like and trust me." He half regretted pulling the blindfold away from his eyes because now he couldn't look away. He'd never noticed how beautiful Xiao Xingchens eyes were. Xiao Xingchen was looking directly back at his.

He couldn't help but think they made his face more beautiful. He wanted to touch Xiao Xingchens face and see if it felt as smooth as it looked. So he did, and Xiao Xingchen didn't stop him. He kept his hand there as he continued to look at Xiao Xingchen. 

Xiao Xingchens cheeks dusted a light pink. To Xue Yang this made him look annoyingly more beautiful. He decided to rub his thumb across the color on Xiao Xingchens cheeks. Xiao Xingchen still didn't stop him, he seemed to be in as much if a daze as Xue Yang was. This caused Xue Yang to remember how envious he was of Song Lan for briefly being Xiao Xingchens cultivation partner. He wouldn't mind being called a cut-sleeve, being called names didn't bother him, so these types of thoughts never made him feel weird. 

Then another thought crossed his mind: 'Why can't I be? He hasn't pushed me away yet.' And so Xue Yang moved closer to Xiao Xingchen just to see what he would do. To Xue Yangs surprise, Xiao Xingchen pulled Xue Yang flush to his body. Xue Yang didn't hesitate after that, he pulled Xiao Xingchens face down to his and kissed him. He wasn't sure why he did this, but he did and he didn't hate it.

Xiao Xingchen was stunned for a minute before he leaned into the kiss. Xue Yang found this rather pleasant. He never thought that in a million years that he'd kiss Xiao Xingchen and find it pleasant. He pulled away and was met with a sound of disappointment from Xiao Xingchen. His eyes widened a little at that 

"Daozhang-" Xiao Xingchen cut him off by pressing their lips together. Xue Yang accepted this without complaint. This time however, he wasn't as content. He wanted more. He started suck on Xiao Xingchens lower lip. Xiao Xingchen made a small sound in his throat making Xue Yang want to hear more. He continued this for a bit before moving his tongue to be between Xiao Xingchens lips as he tried forcing it in. He didn't havev to try very hard because Xiao Xingchen opened his mouth almost instantly for him. 

Xue Yang explored the inside of Xiao Xingchens mouth for a while before Xiao Xingchen started sucking on his tongue. It was Xue Yangs turn to make sounds of pleasure which were muffled by the kiss. He tried pressing himself closer to Xiao Xingchen. His face flushed red when he felt a growing erection on Xiao Xingchen. He pushed them down to the ground and got on top of him. He clumsily undid Xiao Xingchens sash and pulled his robes down to his waist. 

Xiao Xingchen shuddered, his face was flushed entirely red. Xue Yang started kissing down his jawline. He started sucking on his earlobe. Xiao Xingchen let out a moan.

"Tell me when to stop Daozhang, okay?" Xiao Xingchen nodded in response. Xue Yang kissed down his neck sucking and biting in some areas. He eventually made it down to Xiao Xingchens chest. He sucked on his nipple for a bit using his teeth as he pleased. Both Xiao Xingchens nipples were hard and Xue Yang found it fun to play with them. Xiao Xingchen kept letting out moans as Xue Yang felt up his body and left trails of kisses down his chest to his stomach. He made it to Xiao Xingchens waistline and licked a line parallel to his waistband. 

He decided that as much as he wanted this at the moment, he didn't want to accidentally force Xiao Xingchen into doing something he didn't want to. So instead he trapped Xiao Xingchens waist in his thighs as he went to kiss him again. This kiss was far more passionate than the last one. Once they were exhausted Xue Yang layed his head down on Xiao Xingchens chest.

"Did I ever tell you how beautiful I think you are? Thanks for not hating me Xiao Xingchen." Xue Yang smiled at him.

"Does this count as 'talking about it in the morning'?" Xiao Xingchen asked dazed.

"Yes."

"Can we discuss this after we get the Song Lan situation handled? I just don't want to be overwhelmed." Xiao Xingchen looked disheartened saying that. 

Xue Yang understood What he meant. After all, Xue Yang probably wouldn't have a proper way of expressing himself. "Take as much time as you need Daozhang."

They stayed there for a while conversing in idle chatter before they decide to head back. Xiao Xingchen put the blindfold back on and got his clothes put on properly. They walked back hand in hand until the house came into view. Then they separated and went back to acting cold and distant. 

The rest of the day was boring. Xue Yang spent most of it preparing himself for the ritual he was going to preform while 'Song Lan' slept. He made dinner and slipped some herbs in 'Song Lans' food to make him drowsy. And once he and A-Qing were asleep, he began. 

It was strange having Xiao Xingchen help him with this type of cultivation. It made the process speed up so he wasn't complaining. Xue Yang finished drawing the talismans necessary for the ritual and set them up around the room.

He went over to 'Song Lan' and started. "Daozhang, can I have Jiangzai?"

Xiao Xingchen contemplated for a minute before handing it over. Xue Yang used it to cut his palm making a circle of blood around 'Song Lan'.

A breeze whiped through the room sending the talismans flying. The wind slowly turned red. Once everything calmed down the man on the bed was no longer Song Lan but rather a man who looked loosely like Jin Guangyao remained. 

Xue Yang immediately tied him up and gagged him before he woke up. "We'll need him to find Song Lan. Now, I'm going to bed." He bandaged his hand as he walked back to his room. Xiao Xingchen followed. Xue Yang layed down.

"Daozhang, do you want to sleep in the bed too?" He wasn't sure why he was asking but he figured it had something to do with what happened earlier. 

Xiao Xingchen said nothing but climbed into bed and layed down. "Thank you.. for the eyes..." after that he fell asleep. Xue Yang wrapped himself around him feeling content. He had no idea what these feelings meant but he didn't want to think too hard on it. He ended up falling asleep shortly after.

Chapter Text

The next morning Xue Yang woke up to muffled screaming and A-Qing banging on the door.

"Daozhang! Butt-face! Wake up! This guy won't stop screaming! And what happened to Song Lan-Daozhang?" She sounded agitated and groggy. He could imagine the irritated look on her face. 

"Blindie, you're fine. He's a deciple of the Jin Clan of Lanling. Daozhang and I have it handled. Don't worry about it." As he spoke he pulled Xiao Xingchen closer to him just enjoying the warmth, something he never thought he'd have and never really cared to think about. He still didn't want to think about it. Something inside him was always fucking screaming at him to stop being attached to Xiao Xingchen, ever since he started living here that voice is what led him. Even prior, he'd always listened to that fucking voice of 'reason' as people called it. His was just a little screwed up in most people's eyes. 

"I am going to worry about it. I go to bed and Song Lan-Daozhang is there. I wake up and this obnoxious baffoon is in his place making noice that makes me want to rip my ears out of my skull. And why are you the only one answering me? Did something happen to Daozhang?" Her voice went instantly to complaining to accusing. 

"He's fucking sleeping, let him be." Why was he getting so defensive all of a sudden? Did he actually care about how much sleep the cultivator in his arms got? It was probably just the presence of A-Qing that made him agitated. She's lucky she didn't wake up to a dead body. Xue Yang had half the mind to kill the guy but decided against it since he might be useful. 

"What do you care? And besides, I need you two to do something about this guy." Her voice was more of a whine than anything else at the time.

"I can't actually leave righg now because of the array but I cam give you some advice for how to handle him." He smirked despite knowing that even if there wasn't a door there, she wouldn't be able to see it.

"And what great advice does Mr. Mysterious have for me?" She spoke in heavy sarcasm which Xue Yang decided to ignore. 

"Go outside by Daozhangs garden, grab one of the logs, come back inside with it, and hit him on the head with it." Xue Yang was only have messing with her. He honestly wouldn't mind if he did that because this guy was getting more annoying by the second. The thought of burning the house down came back to Xue Yang. If he let the guy and her burn to death, at least it'd be quiet.

"I'm being serious!" She complained.

"So am I. It'll work if you do it." Xue Yang would do just that if he were in her shoes. Luckily for him, noises like this weren't uncommon and le learned to ignore them. When he said that he felt a pinch on his arm and looked down to see Xiao Xingchen pinching him and shaking his head.

A-Qing clearly hadn't. "Daozhang wouldn't agree with that."

"How do you know? He hasn't told you not to."

"That's because he's asleep, dumbass."

"Hey! That's my thing to call people. And he's kinda awake. He looks more tired than the rest of us.'' This was most likely true. His eyes had circles starting to form under them. If Xue Yang had to guess, he'd guess Xiao Xingchen was up almost all night too.

"Then stop yelling so he can sleep, or maybe let him come out here so he doesn't have to be burdened by your presence."

"You could solve all our problems by taking my advice," Xue Yang offered. His tone was growing more agitated. 

Xiao Xingchen picked his head up and was able to speak. "Shhh, Daozhang, go back to bed. We'll handle this." 

A-Qing heard him and knowing Xiao Xingchen was awake, she wasn't going to be quiet. "Why are you telling him to go to sleep? I want this guy to shut up."

Xiao Xingchen forced himself up and walked to the door. "If I can't sleep, I can only imagine how tired A-Qing is."

"Daozhang!" Xue Yang whined. "She can handle it."

"A-Yang," that was new, Xue Yang thought. Xiao Xingchen probably didn't even realize he said it. "I'll just set up a silencing array and keep him in it. Then we can all go back to sleep." He opened the door walking out. 

Xue Yang could've sworn he heard a startled noise from A-Qing. Perhaps she walked into something. He could hear her talking to Xiao Xingchen though it was hard to make out with the yelling from the Jin Clan deciple. Why was he yelling so much? Xue Yang pondered this for a but but came up dry. He decided this guy was just trying to annoying them, possibly, into letting him go.

Not too long after he left, Xiao Xingchen came back though he brought A-Qing. "Xue Yang, she'll stay in here for the rest of the night just to be safe."

Xue Yang wasn't too pleased by this. "Yeah sure, whatever. Just go to bed." He turned onto his side and curled up.

"A-Qing, you can have my bed on the floor. It's plenty confortable," Xiao said said. Xue Yang could hear his voice moving closer. 

"Where are you going to sleep then?" A-Qings voice was confused. 

"In the bed," Xiao Xingchen responded nonchalantly. Xue Yang felt the bed dip.

"Is there even enough room for the two of you?"

"Of course there is," Xue Yang responded. "Now go to bed, we're going to have a long day tomorrow.

"Don't do anything to Daozhang while he's sleeping." Her tone was cold.

"No promises~" Xue Yang sang. 

"A-Qing, Xue Yang, go to bed," Xiao Xingchen said as he layed down. Xue Yang turned to him and decided that Xiao Xingchen would be a better pillow than his actual pillow. 

He stayed up for an hour trying to figure out what this 'lust' towards Xiao Xingchen was. He couldn't figure it out, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't. It was driving him mad. He ended up falling asleep thinking about this.

The next morning A-Qing was the first one up. She immediately woke up the other two. "Are we getting this guy out now?" She sounded impatient.

Xue Yang looked over to her. "If you keep asking, who knows. Hell he might become our new fucking pet."

"Be serious!" She scowled at him.

"Maybe I am," he said as he adjusted his position so that he was laying practically on top of Xiao Xingchen. He deliberately looked at A-Qing as he licked up Xiao Xingchens jaw line, a smirk on his face. He could've sworn he saw her flinch. Xiao Xingchen on the other hand, made a startled noise. 

"What the hell are you doing!" She blurted without thinking. Xue Yang cocked his head to the side when she did.

"Hm?" He inquired. "What am I doing?"

"I heard you move  fiollowed by a distressed sound from Daozhang." Xue Yang only half believed this statement. 

"Maybe it's because I moved." He flicked her forehead. 

"Ow!" She rubbed the spot. 

"That did not hurt." He rolled his eyes.

Xiao Xingchens eyes slowly started to open. "Xue Yang?"

"Yes, that's me," Xue Yang responded.

"Can I get up?" He halfheartedly tried to move. 

"Anytime you'd like, just watch out for Little Blind, she's right next to you." His tone was a teasing sort of sweet. He moved off of Xiao Xingchen knowing that they had to handle the current situation.

Xiao Xingchen sat up. He looked to Xue Yang and spoke in a serious voice, "Before we go out there, I need you to promise me one thing." 

"What is it?"

"Don't kill him." He gave Xue Yang a stern look.

"Relax Daozhang, I don't kill those I find useful, and he could be quite useful. Especially in finding your precious Song Zichen and that bastard Jin Guangyao."

Xiao Xingchen didn't comment, he simply got up and walked out. A-Qing followed him asking him if Xue Yang hurt him in anyway. Xue Yang waited for a bit before he too left. 

When Xue Yang got out he found A-Qing at the table, Xiao Xingchen in the kitchen and their unwanted guest fast asleep. Xue Yang sat across from A-Qing. Their usual routine of silence had once again continued. Xue Yang fucking hated it. Half the reasons he'd liked being here was the idle banter. Things got better, yet somehow they got worse. 

After what Xue Yang assumed was twenty minutes, Xiao Xingchen came over to them with three bowls. He set them down in front of A-Qing and Xue Yang. He then took his seat after he set their food down. 

"Thanks Daozhang," Xue Yang and A-Qing muttered at the same time. 

They ate in silence each thinking about what to do when the guy wakes up. 

Xiao Xingchen was the first to break the silence. "A-Qing, when that man wakes up, I want you to go into Xue Yangs room until I say otherwise, understood?"

"But Daozhang, I can be useful too you know. Maybe I could even make him talk." Her expression was disappointed. 

Xue Yang laughed, "what are you going yo do, stare him into talking? Maybe beating him with a stick could work but considering he's a cultivator probably not. Maybe you can give him that mean look you're always giving me, it might actually work if he's like most of his siblings." A-Qing glared at him. "Yeah, that one."

Xiao Xingchen looked up, eyes peaking with curiosity. He smiled watching the two bicker. Xue Yang ended up staring again. Sometimes Xiao Xingchen just looked too fucking beautiful. Xue Yang was torn between wanting to rip his face of and wanting to fuck him. He stopped that train of thought immediately. He had the opportunity, he didn't take it.

A-Qing was apparently trying to talk to him because she slapped his face and yelled, "Hey idiot! What's gotten into you all of sudden, eh? You just up and go quiet." She alma looked concerned. 

"What, worried I died?" He flashed her a toothy grin.

"No, I was worried you'd decided to try and kill us." She crossed her arms. 

"Blindie, you've been saying that for the last three years. You're still alive, what does that say?"

"That you have an elaborate three year plan to kill us, of course," Xiao Xingchen said with genuine joy in his voice. 

Both A-Qing and Xue Yang looked over to him their mouths slightly agape. He simply smiled.

Xue Yang was the first to recover. He smiled as he spoke, "You got me Daozhang." he put his hands up in surrender. "This whole time had been my most elaborate plan yet. First step was almost die in a ditch just hoping you'd come, wait for you to heal me, become your friend, try to seduce you, then boom, you're dead." Xiao Xingchen snorted, his cheeks turned a slight pink color. 

A-Qing however, seemed to be stunned more. She just stared in Xue Yangs direction looking half disgusted. 

Xue Yang spoke again. "You know, at some point, parts of that was true. Didn't last long."

A-Qing was about to speak when the guy woke up in a coughing fit. Xiao Xingchen got up and went over to A-Qing. "Hurry up. We'll get you when we're done."

She humphed as she went to the room. She closed the door rather hard and Xue Yang rolled his eyes. She really was something else.

Xiao Xingchen brought Xue Yang over to their new guest. He gave the guy water and forced him to drink it. He stopped coughing shortly after. He then looked at the two with contempt.

Xue yang gave him a murderous look. It was likely that this guy knew Xue Yang so seeing him already in such a 'bad mood' he'd probably be willing to talk. They began asking him a series of questions. He was hesitant at first but after Xue Yang grabbed Jiangzai and threatened him he started speaking. This guy was such a coward. 

The guys name was Jin Hao, he was in his twenties. Jin Guangyao had forced him to learn demonic cultivation as an attempt to get rid of Xue Yang permanently. After he spotted Song Lan with Xiao Xingchen on one outing, and then saw Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang together the next day, he spent a week planning how to figure out the best way to handle Xue Yang. During that time, he had memorized and marked down all the things that each of them did in their day-to-day lives. 

Jin Hao said that Jin Guangyao got the idea to simply infiltrate Xue Yangs fairytale life. So, when he saw Song Lan in the market on his own the next day he and Jin Hao approached him and chatted for a bit. Then Jin Guangyao bought the three of them lunch. He had put some form of an easily curable poison in Song Lans food and once it too affect brought him to an inn. From there Jin Hao had assumed the form of Song Lan. Every time Jin Hao went out while pretending to be Song Lan he'd report to someone Jin Guangyao had sent to give him information. 

Xiao Xingchen looked furious where as Xue Yang looked bored. "Why did he choose something so obvious and boring?

Xiao Xingchen didn't let Jin Hao respond. "It doesn't matter. Where are they keeping Song Lan?"

Jin Hao responded hesitantly, "Golden Carp Tower."

"How do we get in?"

"That's easy, in three days there's going to be a huge celebration for cultivators and common folks alike. Since I don't really like being Song Lan I'll help you but when we go, I'll have to assume his form."

"How do we know we can trust you?" Xiao Xingchen asked, voice cold.

"Tie me up and seal my meridians if you want. I don't even like my brother."

Xue Yang did just that. He grabbed Xiao Xingchens blindfold which he kept around his neck now. He tied Jin Hao's hands. "Daozhang, the next step is yours.

Xiao Xingchen hesitated for a few moments before sealing Jin Hao's spiritual flow. Xiao Xingchen then led him to a small corner of the house. "This is where you'll stay." Jin Hao nodded in response sitting down.

Xiao Xingchen went to get A-Qing and fill her in. While he did that Xue Yang decided he was going to put Jiangzai in Xiao Xingchens stash of his weapons. 

''Xue Yang!" He heard Xiao Xingchen call from the other room.

He went over to him. Xiao Xingchen was holding a stack of papers, Xue Yangs heart sank. Those papers were all his drawings. The hobby he decided to pick up in the end was drawing, but it wasn't with a paper and pen. He often used his own blood to draw as he never ran short of it. On top of that he mostly drew Xiao Xingchen. 

Currently Xiao Xingchen was looking at the one of him on the rock, right before Xue Yang had told him the story of his childhood, on the day his identity got exposed. There were a couple others laying out on the floor.

"A-Qing found these and thought you were plotting something, I can see that you aren't and you're quite talented. Why are there so many of me sleeping? " he asked as he smiled gently gesturing to the drawings.

Xue Yang sat down across from him and grabbed a few. "I decided to start drawing in the mornings while the array is still activated since carving another gouge in the floor didn't seem like a good idea. I've been using a decent stick I found outside and some paper I've collected in the market." He picked up a drawing and handed it to Xiao Xingchen. 

It was a picture of Xiao Xingchen blindfolded, holding Shanghua. He was sitting on the moon, hair blowing in the breeze Illuminated in light. He was 'watching' a teenager, shrouded in darkness, bleeding out on the ground reaching up to him. This teenager was supposed to be Xue Yang. 

Xiao Xingchen studied it for a minute before he looked at Xue Yang with soft eyes. "Is this how you feel?"

"Sometimes, yeah. I'm a horrible person, even I know that, yet you were always so good and I wanted to be that, but I couldn't. I always wanted something good to happen, it never has. Everything that seems good fucking falls apart. Even this, one day, will fall apart. This world likes to give me everything I didn't realize I wanted, then fucking take it from me in the worst way possible." Xue Yang sighed. "Even this life, A-Qing, and you, Daozhang, will somehow slip away from me. I thought, maybe if I abandon my evil ways and live normally, things might change but I don't think they will."

Xiao Xingchen tucked the picture away. He moved so that he was next to Xue Yang. "I can't promise anything for the future, and I can't change the past, but right now, I'm not going anywhere. I won't push you away, you've proven, time and again that you are capable of caring, and that you're just as human as the next person. Sure, you've been broken but you picked the pieces up and put yourself together. And maybe you lost a few on the way but you found new ones." He pulled Xue Yang into a hug, stroking his hair.

"Daozhang, I appreciate it, but I'm broken beyond repair. Maybe one day I can find identical pieces but right now no one's giving me any." The metaphor being used was a weak one, but it worked to convey the messages they wanted.

"Maybe one day Xue Yang." Xiao Xingchen held him there. Xue Yang felt weird at first but then he found that he liked being held by someone else. 

They went through the rest of the pictures. Xiao Xingchen would try to interpret them, and Xue Yang would only tell him if he was close or not making him guess more. Once they got bored of that they started making dinner. 

After hour of cooking all three of them sat down and ate. They spoke casually discussing Jin Guangyao's party. They decided to bring A-Qing to lessen suspicions. Xue Yang was also going to need a disguise so they were discussing that. A-Qing only recommend ugly animals, and dog breeds. They cleaned up and fed Jin Hao before sitting down. 

A-Qing asked Xue Yang for another story. This was the first time in almost a month that she'd asked him to tell a story. He decided to tell the story of how Jin Guangyao betrayed him but he used fake names. A-Qing, as usual, decided his stories were too dark and bore so she headed off to bed. Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen decided to do the same.

The next day passed in roughly the same manner. The three of them slowly got their alibis together as well as their outfits. Xue Yang was going to wear a pair of Xiao Xingchens robes with his black waistband. He was going to blindfold himself as well with a thin blindfold to make it harder to tell who he is. He also had to pretend to be A-Qings brother. Xiao Xingchen was going as himself but with his blindfold, and Jin Hao was going as Song Lan. 

And then, the four of them departed for Lanling making sure they had enough resources and time to get there.

Chapter Text

They arrived in Lanling sometime around midday the next day. They took a couple detours along the way to get Xue Yang a couple extra accessories for his costume. He now mostly wore white and blue clothes. He wore Jiangzai, which Xiao Xingchen had wearily given back to him, around his waist.

Once in Lanling they wasted no time going to Golden Carp Tower. When they arrived it was lively, filled with people. Xue Yang recognized a majority of the people there and had some sort of grudge against them, but not enough to want to murder them. He and A-Qing walked behind Xiao Xingchen and Jin Hao as they entered. 

Jin Guangyao was at the main entrance greeting all his guests as though he'd known them personally for years. When he greeted them Xue Yang noticed him pause for a minute. He bowed in greeting.

"Xiao Xingchen, Song Zichen what a pleasant surprise." He smiled as Xiao Xingchen and Jin Hao bowed in return. "Might I inquire who your friends are?"

Xue Yang spoke up with a fake smile on his face. It was taking every bit of self control he had, which wasn't much, not to run Jin Guangyao through on the spot. "This is my little sister, A-Qing, and I'm Ren Mosheng." He knew his name wasn't creative but he wasn't truly trying to hide.

"How curious. And you're both blind?"

"Indeed, Xiao Xingchen-Daozhang was kind enough to take my sister in a couple years ago. When I came out of seclusion I'd spent two months looking for her and found her with Xiao Xingchen-Daozhang. He then asked me to stay to help with the walking corpses issue." Xue Yangs smile widened. 

"Was it just you three?" Jin Guangyao sounded genuinely curious. 

"No, there was also this guy named Chengmei. A-Qing said they found him in a ditch. He stayed back to watch the house and fix the roof."

"I see. And Song Zichen is okay with these arrangements?" Jin Guangyao cocked his head to the side.

''It took a while but he warmed up to all of us."

A-Qing must've been getting tired of this because she cleared her throat and spoke. "Gege, Xiao Xingchen-Daozhang, can we go in? My legs hurt."

Xue Yang had to hold back a laugh. A-Qing had to call him Gege. He found this absolutely hilarious. He can only imagine how much resentment she hid in that one title. 

"Ah, where are my manners? Right this way." Jin Guangyao led them to the pavilion where everyone was gathered. "Xiao Xingchen, we should catch up sometime, it's been so long since there's been any word of your existence."

"Perhaps we can catch up after the festivities tonight?"

"Sounds great. I'd love to know what you've been up to." With that he turned and left.

The group took their seats as far away from the others as possible. 

Xiao Xingchen turned to Xue Yang. "Can I trust you to find Song Lan if I distract Jin Guangyao?"

"Yes. As long as you let me do it my way." 

Xiao Xingchen hesitated for a second. "No killing anyone," he finally said.

"Understood Daozhang." Xue Yang reclined back in his seat watching the other people through the thin layer of cloth over his eyes.

Most of the people were chatting amongst themselves. He saw many familiar faces there as well. Jiang Cheng with some deciples from the Jiang Clan of Yunmeng. He looked like he was about to strangle next person who spoke to him. Nie Huaisang with deciples from the Nie Clan of Qinghe. He was currently painting a fan. He saw the Twin Jades of Gusu with their goat-like uncle and a singular deciple. 

He stopped watching people and started thinking. He'd come to realize how bad thinking was for him, but he was bored. He wondered why he was even doing this. He absolutely fucking hated Song Lan. If it were up to him Song Lan would've died a while ago. And he'd have made sure Song Lan knew that there was no making up with Xiao Xingchen and that Xiao Xingchen was one hundred percent under Xue Yangs control. He'd still love to do that. What did it matter if he died? 

As he was thinking that crooked smile of his appeared again. This train of thought got him thinking about Xiao Xingchen again. Xiao Xingchen was so righteous that it made Xue Yang want to vomit. Where was this righteous person when Xue Yang needed him at the age of seven? Why wasn't anyone like Xiao Xingchen willing to help a suffering child? What good did saving a few useless lives do? But then again if it weren't for Xiao Xingchens righteousness he would, quite literally, be dead in a ditch. He still wasn't sure how to feel about it. No one, absolutely no one, has ever once treated him like Xiao Xingchen. But as much as he enjoyed that, he knew Xiao Xingchen wouldn't accept the real Xue Yang. The Xue Yang that didn't, and still doesn't full, understand why killing is bad. The Xue Yang who seeks revenge tenfold in comparison to the action done. The Xue Yang that doesn't feel sympathy, or remorse. The Xue Yang that turned Xiao Xingchen into a murderer simply to get revenge and bring him to his level. 

Part of him was, and though he won't admit it, afraid of what Xiao Xingchen would do. He claims he trusts Xue Yang yet he treats him like a well kept prisoner. And Xue Yang got the idea that Xiao Xingchen wanted to study him to know what's been going on in his head. Yeah, sure, Xiao Xingchen is nice to him but he became cold for a while after knowing Xue Yangs identity. This fact started making Xue Yang hate him again, claiming to be righteous and just. And sure, he kept Xue Yang alive, but his words were inconsistent to his actions. 

The only thing that stopped him from doing that was Jin Hao. If he wasn't there Xue Yang wouldn't have had any reason to stay civil with Xiao Xingchen. Sure he could just kill them both, but he still needed Xiao Xingchen for his 'perfect' life. And now he was confused, he wanted to be Xiao Xingchens cultivation partner. It made him feel weird. All Xue Yang realy knows is violence hatred and cruelty so to have a different feeling didn't sit right with him. Xiao Xingchen was nice to him, no one is nice to Xue Yang. And what's worse is they made out the other day and now slept in the same bed. He told himself it's probably because Xiao Xingchen is overwhelmed and confused with this whole Song Lan thing. Damn, he really hated Song Lan. Once Song Lan came back Xiao Xingchen would probably go back to being cold and distant most likely deciding on whether he should kill Xue Yang or turn him in. Of he wanted to do the latter, now would be the perfect time. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by A-Qing tapping on his shoulder. "Wake up. Now isn't the time to be dozing off." She crossed her arms.

"I wasn't dozing off. I was thinking."

"Well think less. Daozhang was trying to talk to you."

He turned to Xiao Xingchen. "Yes Daozhang?"

"Thank you, for helping me. I really appreciate it. I know you don't like Song Lan and if I had to guess you'd rather him be six feet under. But I just wanted you to know I appreciate this." Xiao Xingchen gave him a genuine smile and then Xue Yang remembered why he didn't want to kill him. 

Xue Yang never really understood the meaning of 'thank you'. He understood when the appropriate time to use it was and what it was used for. He never understood why people were always so greatful towards eachother. At least not until Xiao Xingchen, even now he doesn't fully understand it but he had a little more grasp on the meaning. 

Xue Yang decided to be truthful for once with Xiao Xingchen. "He's important to you." Was all he said but he hoped the implementation was clear. 

Xiao Xingchen sighed. "Just- Thank you. When we get back to Yi city you can have your freedom back." 

There were drinks on the table and Xue Yang grabbed one. The alcohol was potent but lucky for him, he barely got drunk. He began sipping on some of it.

Xue Yang knew this was going to last up until Xiao Xingchen saw how violent he was. It hurt him knowing that even now Xiao Xingchen still barely wanted anything to do with him but observe him and possibly kill or turn him in. He liked the life he was living, didn't want it to be completely gone. He was even willing to remain civil with Song Lan in order to keep part of it. To lose it now after he's finally come to terms with certain things would really be a tragedy. A well deserved tragedy. 

Things were going too well for him. Fate wasn't dealing him any cruel cards. At first he thought the appearance of Song Lan was the end but it wasn't. He started feeling anxious again knowing that this lie of a life would be over soon and he'd have to most likely kill Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing to preserve himself. A-Qing he was fine with killing. Yeah he liked her and took care of her but she wasn't overly fond of him nor was she nice to him. The bickering was fun though. But Xiao Xingchen, he no longer wanted to kill him. He used to tell himself that he didn't pause his plans but rather he would get closer to Xiao Xingchen to make it hurt more. That lasted up until Xiao Xingchen tried to kill himself. Xue Yang then fully came to terns with how much he needed Xiao Xingchen. Xiao Xingchen after all was the only one to show Xue Yang kindness, care, concern, friendship, and trust. All things Xue Yang didn't think he'd ever get.

In the end he muttered, "Thanks Daozhang," and got up walking off. He decided he needed to clear his head. He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol taking over or if Xiao Xingchen really had messed his head and heart that much. Since he'd only drank a glass it wasn't the alcohol he decided. And thus he needed to set himself straight. The first thing on that list was the fact that he now knew for sure that he wasn't. 

The more he walked the more he felt like he was being watched. He kept walking staying on high alert the whole time. After a few minutes he heard footsteps behind him as well. His immediate thought was an ambush. He drew Jiangzai and pointed it at whoever was behind him as he turned around. 

He lowered his sword when he saw Xiao Xingchen standing there. "Daozhang? Why did you follow me?" He could've accidentally killed Xiao Xingchen.

"You just left. Ithought something might be bothering you." His voice was laced with concern. 

"Of course I'm bothered Daozhang! What reason would I have not to be bothered right now?" He didn't mean to say that but too late, he said it.

Xiao Xingchen was quiet for a moment, most likely thinking. Then, he moved closer to Xue Yang. "If you want to talk, I'm here, I'll listen."

There he goes again, trying to do good. Xue Yang didn't know if he wanted to talk to him or not. On the one hand Xiao Xingchen might actually understand him but on the other had, he didn't want to talk. He decided he was going to ramble and see if anything came of it but not before heading to an area he knew he wouldn't be watched. 

He chuckled as he spoke, "You know, we first met in Lanling."

"Indeed. I remember you were fighting Song Lan after you vandalized a stall. Up until Song Lan revield your identity I had hardly put together that Xue Yang was Chengmei. "

Xue Yang chuckled. "Jin Guangyao thought he was hilarious giving me that courtesy name." Xiao Xingchen chuckled." I hated you after you two scolded me," he continued. "You weren't much older than me and you were scolding me on right and wrong, good and bad. I wondered what right you had to say those things. I found you and Song Zichen both so naive and arrogant." He sat down under a tree. 

Xiao Xingchen sat down next to him. "You still think that, to an extent, don't you?"

"I did for the first year of living with you. After that I genuinely enjoyed your company. And sure, you were naive, still are, but I grew to like that too." He stretched his limbs out resting himself against Xiao Xingchen. 

"I'm glad." He positioned himself so that Xue Yang was more comfortable. He began stroking Xue Yangs hair. He didn't hate it. But he did hate not understanding exactly what he was feeling. He absolutely fucking hated it. He was glad that they didn't bring up his life in Lanling. 

They sat in a confortable silence for a while before Xue Yang broke it. "I wasn't planning on coming back here unless the lives of the Jin Clan left with me"

Xiao Xingchen froze and so did his hand. Xue Yang made a sound of discontent when it did. Fuck, why did that sound come out of him. 

"You're not going to kill them tonight, are you?" His voice wavered. 

"No. As long as Daozhang stays near, I have no urge to kill." He laughed. "It's funny how that is. The disgusting rabid dog, Xue Yang, is somehow tamed by his self declared enemy."

"Really?" Xiao Xingchens question was so genuine it made Xue Yang want to laugh.

"Yes. What, did you think I was secretly killing people while living with you?"

Xiao Xingchen was silent for a moment. "Were you not?" Another genuine question.

That one hurt Xue Yang. His shoulders slumped against Xiao Xingchen in betrayal. He mumbled a quiet, "No." This action didn't go unnoticed by him either.

Xiao Xingchen most likely looked dumbfounded. "I'm sorry for assuming."

Xue Yang really felt hurt. He was sensitive whether he admitted it or not. "Everyone always does," he said coldly. "They assume everything about me, even when I was an innocent child they assumed someone would take me in or that I was filthy and they wanted nothing to do with me. Assumptions like that alway follow me." His voice was now cold and hurt. 

He made to move away from Xiao Xingchen but Xiao Xingchen didn't let him. He felt arms around him. He froze out of pure shock. He realized that Xiao Xingchen was hugging him. He'd never been hugged before. It felt incredibly awkward but also nice. It was like being in Xiao Xingchens arms took away all his problems. 

"I'm sorry that happened to you. Children should never have to go through that. You shouldn't have had to go through that." Xue Yang knew Xiao Xingchen was referring to his childhood in its entirety but he wondered if it was actually directed at him.

''You can't control it. There will always be things you can't control in this world both good and bad. There are always things that happen without rhyme or reason. If you try to fix and stop all of them you're wasting your time. And stopping a few won't make a dent. So, it doesn't matter, it happened it's done but it's a continuous cycle moving from one person to the next." He said it. He actually got Xiao Xingchen to at least hear how the world is.

"It does matter, even if it already happened it leaves an impact. I'm starting to see that with you. You didn't need that at a young age."

"You say that only because you think you know me. If I were Xue Yang the dangerous delinquent who's fucked up in the head and needs to be brought to justice. And you know what? It's true. But you know what else? I don't fucking care! I know me best and I think everything was justifiable by the way of this crappy world!"

"I do know you. At least I hope I do. Maybe not one hundred percent but enough to pass the judgment that you're not entirely bad. And when I said you didn't deserve it I meant you Xue Yang. Not the others, you." Xue Yang was shocked. Xiao Xingchen was expressing something like pity but not quite. 

Xue Yang felt his cheeks getting wet again. Dammit he hated when he got like this. He disliked emotions. For him they always lead to nothing but disaster. He wanted to get rid of them bit something about being with Xiao Xingchen made him want to understand them, though he doubted he could. But it wasn't impossible, Xiao Xingchen taught him true happiness. And there he was sounding like a lovesick maiden again. 

He turned around to face Xiao Xingchen with a tear-stained face; This was something he'd never thought he'd do. He couldn't remember the last time he she'd tears before Xiao Xingchen started caring for him. 

Xiao Xingchen wiped the tears with his sleeve. Xue Yang felt like a child, he hated feeling like one, but Xiao Xingchen was looking at him as though they were equals. For the first time Xue Yang had wondered if Xiao Xingchen had slowly gone insane over the last few years and if it got worse after Xue Yang was exposed. That was the best conclusion he had. He didn't hate it if it meant being able to get this close to him though. 

Xue Yang wondered if giving him his eyes had started to change his opinion on good and bad. Was Xiao Xingchen actually starting to see him? Did Xiao Xingchen understand? Was it possible that even though he knew Xue Yang, he didn't care enough about what Xue Yang did anyway? 

"Daozhang, do you hate me?" Xue Yang decided to ask hoping to get at least some answers. 

"No, I don't. I used to, and I can't forgive you for what you've done. Like I said it leaves an impact but I've seen what you're putting up with for me. In the past I'd expect you to simply kill me and Song Lan but you didn't. That's why, even when the thought of the Chengmei I was living with was you, crossed my mind I shot it down because you've killed me. You've changed, and the current you, I can't hate even if I try."

"Would you hate me if I snapped and lost control. Jin Guangyao recognizes me, he's not stupid. I barely escaped here last time with my life. If you didn't take me in he would've succeeded in killing me." Fuck, he accidentally brought up his life in Lanling. He didn't want to talk about it.

"Can I ask you a question?" Xue Yang mentally prepared himself for disclosing his life in Lanling. 

But that wasn't what Xiao Xingchen asked. What Xiao Xingchen asked startled Xue Yang more than any questions about Lanling would've. 

"Xue Yang, I know I said I wanted to wait but, what are we? What am I to you?" Xue Yang wasn't expecting that. He had nothing prepared.

"Daozhang, 'we' is a mutual thing." Xue Yang smiled at Xiao Xingchen who returned it with a chuckle. "As for your second question, that's answerable by one person because you're only asking one subject about another, not yourself and a subject about yourself and said subject."

Xiao Xingchen laughed, "I didn't ask for a grammar lesson Xue Yang."

"Well, you asked the question. I responded in accordance." Xue Yang grinned. 

"Are you saying you think I need grammar lessons?" Xiao Xingchen smiled.

"Maybe I am Daozhang." Xue Yang leaned against Xiao Xingchen in his embrace. He finally decided to return the embrace and it felt nice to be able to do that. He looked up at Xiao Xingchen with a smile indicating he was joking. Xiao Xingchen laughed.

"Now to answer your question." Xue Yang paused. "Well, I don't know if I can provide you with a solid answer, I can tell you what I think of you and you can decide." That was the best alternative he could come up with. It'd be a miracle if he knew exactly what he thought of people that weren't his enemies. 

"Alright.." Xiao Xingchen seemed uncertain but inclined his head to listen. 

"I think you're naive, I think you're Self-righteous, I think you should've stayed in your mountain." As he spoke Xiao Xingchens face darkened and looked hurt. Xue Yang ignored it as he kept speaking. "I think you have too much faith in humanity and you're too quick to trust."

"Xue Yang-" His voice was laced with anger and betrayal. 

Xue Yang, however, cut him off. "I couldn't imagine you any other way and I'm almost glad you're like that. I'm glad you put trust in a stranger you took out of a ditch because if you didn't I would've never known what it's like to be cared for, to be happy, and to have a true friend. You took away all my anger just by being that Self-righteous,  naive person. You should've stayed in your mountain because this world here is far too cruel. Since living with you I've wanted to rip the tongues out of everyone who's wronged you. Rip their eyes out for making fun of and taking advantage of your blindness."

Xiao Xingchen looked startled at first but he visibly relaxed. Xue Yang continued, "When Song Lan showed up I panicked because he was going to take you away, take that life away. When you implied I was disgusting, it hurt because you were the only one to treat me otherwise. And I realized how much I needed you when I thought you were going to be gone forever. Then you grew distant. While you were distant I not only hated Song Lan but I envied him, not just for being close to you but because.." He stopped. He didn't want to finish that sentence. Xiao Xingchen would probably hate him again. Whatever happened the other day was most likely a result of Xiao Xingchen being overwhelmed. He didn't count sharing a bed as anything special either.

Fuck it. What did Xue Yang care? He'd always been the shameless sort, just that there was this weird feelings attatched to his envy and almost fondness of Xiao Xingchen. And besides once Song Lan was back things wouldn't last anyway. Xiao Xingchen would either forget about him or go back to hating him. Xiao Xingchen looked at him with an unreadable expression as if waiting for the last piece of information so he could process everything. "I was jealous that he was the one you wanted to be cultivation partners with. Such a funny thing to be jealous of, isn't it?"

"It's not."

"What?" Xue Yang was taken aback. 

"It's not something to just brush off. I can't speak for you but Xue Yang, if nothing else, you care for me. But with your last few statements I'd say it's romantically. I had suspicions and the fact that we can even comfortably be in this position is enough to mostly confirm my suspicions."

Xue Yang didn't want to hear anymore. It was probably the truth which scared him more. He didn't know how to handle those emotions so instead he wanted Xiao Xingchens side of things. "What about you Daozhang?"

Again, Xiao Xingchen managed to startle Xue Yang. Xue Yang was expecting an answer sure but not the answer he received though he was going to assume Xiao Xingchen felt the same because before he knew it Xiao Xingchens lips were on his and now that the air was clearer between them it felt ten times more enjoyable. Xue Yang decided that Xiao Xingchen would be patient with him if he was deciding to take this route. He still worried that Xiao Xingchen would find him repulsive after some time but he'd take this while it lasted. 

Xue Yang didn't realize that he was too lost in thought to even kiss Xiao Xingchen back and was only brought back to reality when Xiao Xingchen pulled away.

"Sorry, I thought- maybe since you- I figured that you'd-" Xiao Xingchen kept stuttering.

Xue Yang let him for a minute finding it amusing. He muttered, "Don't be," before pulling Xiao Xingchen into another kiss. This one was deeper and far more passionate than the last. Xue Yang found himself unable to think about anything that wasn't Xiao Xingchen. 

He pushed Xiao Xingchen up against the tree so that there was more support. Xue Yang buried his hands in the other man's hair gripping tightly. He accidentally pulled it but to both his and Xiao Xingchens surprise Xiao Xingchen moaned directly into Xue Yangs mouth. Xue Yang loved it. He enjoyed making those sounds come out of Xiao Xingchen. 

Xue Yang wanted to defile the man right then and there. Make sure that Xiao Xingchen was his. Then when he remembered where they were, he almost wanted to do it more. Show that bastard Jin Guangyao how insignificant he was. He thought it'd be hilarious especially if he could defile Xiao Xingchen in Jin Guangyao's favorito place.

Xiao Xingchen must've caught onto his thoughts at least to an extent, which gave Xue Yang hope that Xiao Xingchen was understanding him, because he pulled away. Xue Yang didn't want him to. He wanted him back, wanted to keep going. 

"Xue Yang " His voice was shaky and face flushed red.

"Yes?"

"That's my response to your question."

Xue Yang pouted at him. "Daozhang, why'd you stop? I was starting to have fun."

"We have other things to do. Maybe later."

"But Daozhang! I want to, and Jin Guangyao would hate it. It'd be killing two birds with one stone."

"Do you want to because it's me, or do you want to because it would make Jin Guangyao mad?"

Was it only to make Jin Guangyao mad? He wasn't sure. If he was honest it was both but Xiao Xingchen didn't appear to approve of Xue Yangs thought process.

"...You..." Xue Yang said quietly. It was strange having these emotions that Xiao Xingchen described as caring and romantic. 

"Then you'd be willing to wait?"

Xue Yang nodded. He started to wonder if Xiao Xingchen was testing him in some weird way, just to see if Xue Yang was being completely truthful. 

"Good." Xiao Xingchen sighed a breath of relief. 

Then another thought crossed Xue Yangs head. Was Xiao Xingchen afraid? He hadn't done anything more that kiss Song Lan,  which Xue Yang hated, and now he wasn't letting Xue Yang do anything. Or he found Xue Yang repulsive but Xue Yang didn't think that was the reason. After all Xiao Xingchen made it clear he liked Xue Yang. 

"Daozhang, are you afraid?"

His face reddened, "no. Why would I be?"

Xue Yang leaned closer to him, "You are aren't you?" He laughed. "Don't worry Daozhang, I'll be patient." He was so sentimental with Xiao Xingchen, like he was a kid. He hated it but it felt nice. He really did conflict himself too much.

Xiao Xingchen paused before quietly muttering, "Thank you, Xue Yang." Xiao Xingchen pulled him into a hug which Xue Yang returned. 

They stayed like that for an unknown amount of time chatting away and telling jokes.  While Xue Yang was in the middle of another one of his horrible jokes that Xiao Xingchen liked so much, they heard frantic and uneven footsteps not far away.

"Who do you think got drunk Daozhang? My bet's on the grape."

"Jiang Wanyin?" Xiao Xingchen stifled a laugh. 

Xue Yang nodded. "He seems the type."

The footsteps changed direction after the owner most likely heard them. Xue Yang was about to make another joke when a cultivator clad in black, with tattered clothes and some scratches approached them.

"Song Zichen?" Xiao Xingchen asked carefully.

The cultivator came closer into view and it was indeed Song Lan. 

"Well this just made out mission ten times easier. Let's get Little Blind and ditch this hell hole."

Song Lan stared at them. "Xingchen?"

"Yes?" Xiao Xingchen responded confusion in his voice.

"What are you doing with him?" He didn't look as angry as Xue Yang expected. 

"Oh, well we were talking and as we touched on the three years we've known eachother we discovered some things about eachother and how we feel." It was obvious he was trying to be gentle with Song Lan given their history. 

"I see. I didn't realize Xue Yang felt that way." Xue Yang studied Song Lans expression carefully. 

"Well, I do. Fucking deal with it." He noticed something off with Song Lans complexion. His eyes were too light too. If it was just his complexion Xue Yang would've passed it off as being mistreated. The Jin Clan had a history but his eyes were almost changing colors. 

"Xue Yang, please. I didn't say I had any issues with it." Song Lan smiled an all too familiar smile. 

"Fucking Bitch!" Xue Yang yelled as he got up. He unsheathed Jiangzai and stabbed Song Lan just shy of any vital spot. 

Xiao Xingchen tried stopping him but he was too slow. Xue Yang had Jiangzai thoroughly buried in Song Lan.

"What the hell Xue Yang!" Xiao Xingchen looked to be in shock.

Xue Yang should've explained first but too late. Whatever happens now he'll have to live with. He knew life was being too kind to him.

"Daozhang," he said as he walked over to Xiao Xingchen. 

"Get the hell away from me!" Xiao Xingchen yelled, face full of furry. 

"But Daozhang-" Xue Yang really wanted to explain before he lost Xiao Xingchen. 

"No, I was a fool. I let you fool me, time and again. How could I ever have forgotten how cruel and despicable you are! All he did was smile at you and accept you!"

"Daozhang, listen!"

"No! I'm done listening. Song Lan was innocent, but you, you're despicable and cruel. Leave now! I never want to see you again!"" Xue Yang felt his hear breaking. Did he even have a heart? Well, now he knew he did.

"Daozhang!" Xue Yang yelled tears streaming down his face. Fuck! he was crying again.

"LEAVE!"

"Fine! But let me say this: I never intended to hurt you or anyone close to you, for a long while. Take a look for yourself if you don't believe me." His voice was cold. Any humanity left in him, was gone. He didn't lose Xiao Xingchen as much as Xiao Xingchen lost him, he told himself.

_________________________________

Xiao Xingchen rushed over to Song Lan who was bleeding out on the ground. 

"Zichen! Are you alright?" He was deeply concerned for his friend.

His heart hurt and he was trying his best to hold back his tears.

Song Lan opened his mouth coughed out blood and then started laughing. 

"You know, I wasn't planning on ever doing anything to you or Song Zichen, but I needed to rid this world of that monster before anyone found out he was still alive. But-" He laughed even harder. "Who'd have thought you two... It's hilarious. And now you probably just caused another massacre. Oh, I can't wait!"

"Who the hell are you!" Xiao Xingchen was furious. Why was he so quick to distrust Xue Yang when he'd proven himself time and again. Worst part is now he probably screwed up for good. Xue Yang looked as though he was going to murder everyone. 

"You can't tell? Fine I'll give you a hint. This is my sect." The man grinned. 

"Jin Guangyao?" 

"Correct," Jin Guangyao sang.

Damn, Xiao Xingchen really messed up. He needed to find Song Lan. No, he needed to find Xue Yang before a tragedy happened.

"I'll make sure you get what you deserve later." He quickly tied Jin Guangyao up and hurried out.

When he got out of thr secluded area he saw corpses laying everywhere. With a quick glance he decided that the majority were actually refined corpses and there were only a few people mixed in. And the worst part, those lives were partially on his hands.

He bumped into Song Lan in the process of  looking for Xue Yang. He pulled out Shanghua and pointed it at him.

"This day can't get any stranger can it? First that abomination frees me, and now you're drawing Shanghua on me." Song Lan looked agitated. Xiao Xingchen studied him carefully this time and concluded that this was indeed Song Lan.

"You said Xue Yang freed you?" Maybe there was still some hope left after all. 

"Yeah, then he left. I came out and there were corpses everywhere. A majority of them are Jin Clan cultivators of high standing. Who'd have thought Jin Guangyao would turn out to be the way he is?" Song Lan walked over to Xiao Xingchen. He froze for a second when he saw Xiao Xingchen had functioning eyes.

"Can we talk about this later? I really need to find A-Qing, clear some things up, and apologize." His voice was frantic. He really didn't want to wait any longer. People's lives depended on that. And he was worried Xue Yang would go back to being completely apathetic and heartless. 

"I'll help. Where was the last place you saw A-Qing?" 

"Banquet Hall. My guess is she managed to escape somewhere safe." Xiao Xingchen was anxious. What if something happened to her? She can't even see what's going on and she's in a completely new place. 

Song Lan nodded, "got it."

"When you find her, run. I'm going to try something but it might horribly backfire and make Xue Yang more upset than he was with the Chang Clan."

"Xingchen, what are you planning?" Song Lan gave him a concerned look. Xiao Xingchen wasn't sure what part Song Lan was concerned with so he assumed all of it.

"I'm going to tell him exactly what he needs to be told, what he wants to hear even though he doesn't like hearing it, and my personal take on it all." Xiao Xingchen turned to leave.

"Xingchen, you're insane sometimes, you know that?" 

'Yeah!" He shouted as he dashed through the maze of corpses and bodies.

He finally, after years, understood Xue Yang and he realized that Xue Yang can't be 'fixed' and probably doesn't want to be either. Instead of trying to put him together like a puzzle and make him what he could've been, he would use pieces of himself to patch the holes. Xue Yang will never be good, and he'll probably never stop being, well, Xue Yang but Xiao Xingchen found he could, reluctantly, accept that.

He searched for about ten minutes before finding Xue Yang. He had Jiangzai buried into a Jin cultivator with one hand and with the other he was slowly suffocating another. He pulled the sword out of the cultivator and went to stab one of the ones running away.

Xiao Xingchen was absolutely repulsed by the scene but he remembered that he was part of the reason this happened. And if Xue Yang found it reasonable to kill fifty people over a finger and a couple lashings, he could only imagine what Xue Yang would do to these guys for an attempt on his life. But he's the naive and righteous Xiao Xingchen, so of course he wasn't just going to stand by.

Chapter Text

Xue Yang couldn't believe he'd trusted Xiao Xingchen, and he couldn't believe he'd believed him. Maybe he was the naive one. It hurt. It really did. He actually liked Xiao Xingchen, he still wasn't sure exactly when or why but he did and now he felt fucking betrayed, again. He wondered if he should exact his revenge on Xiao Xingchen for making him feel like this after he eradicated the Jin Clan. 

He slaughtered some of the walking corpses that crossed his path but he mostly made them fight eachother. It was a nice perk to creating most of them. He took a majority of his frustration out on actual Jin cultivators despite knowing Jin Guangyao wasn't going to miss them. If they fought him, he killed them. If they ran, he severely wounded them and in some cases, killed them. If they stood by doing nothing, he let them be.

He had forgotten how nice it felt to take so many lives in one day. He enjoyed watching them beg for mercy, he loved the feeling of Jiangzai gliding in and out of body after body. He also made sure not to accidentally kill anyone from a different clan, them he'd only severely injure.

Between his hatred for Jin Guangyao and his betrayed heart from Xiao Xingchen, he had already knocked out the entire corpse army and what he assumed was about one third of the Jin deciples. He'd been at it for about twenty minutes and only gained a few minor wounds.

Currently he was fighting a group of Jin cultivators. He was in the middle of slowly decapitating one with his bare hand and fighting the others with Jiangzai. It didn't take too long to to get most of them. Asside from the one in his hand, there were two only left, and one was already at the other end of his sword. The last Jin cultivator began to run away. Xue Yang snapped the neck of the one in his hand, stabbed the other with Jiangzai making sure to slit his throat to be safe, and chased after the Jin cultivator. 

"Please! I'll do anything, spare me!" The cultivator sounded frantic and terrified.

Xue Yang laughed maniacally at that. "Spare you? Where were you when I was being beaten to death? I have no favor to return to you and thus have no reason to spare you!"

He lunged at the cultivator, enjoying every second that the man was terrified. He shoved Jiangzai directly into his heart when he felt a pair of arms around his waist and a head buried in his neck. It felt wet. He was about to stab whoever it was when he recognized the sleeves. The cultivator coughed up blood before falling to the ground, dead not long after.

"Get away from me!" He yelled in frustration. 

"Xue Yang, I'm sorry. You have no reason to listen to me, but please hear me out." Xiao Xingchens' voice was pleading. 

"No. I won't. What more do you want from me? I gave you back your precious Song Zichen, and you're still here. Look around Xiao Xingchen, I'm not someone you want to associate with." He was still hurt. He didn't realize how far back this pain went either until just recently, but that didn't matter right now. 

"I don't care. I'm sorry I lashed out and didn't trust you even after you've proven yourself to me."

"Doesn't matter now." Xue Yang tried to get away.

"It does because I was wrong, I've been wrong. I was naive, and still am. I tried fixing a world that can't be fixed by one person, and I tried fixing people beyond repair."

"Like me," Xue Yang spat.

"Yes, like you. People who are broken. People who the world views and disgusting, repulsive, inferior, monsters, animals, all of it!" Xiao Xingchen was so accusing in his voice it hurt Xue Yang more.

"I fucking hate you!" Xue Yang yelled in a fit of rage.

"I don't care because I don't hate you. In fact all those things I just said, I believe none of it! I won't try to fix you. You are who you are and that's fine. I don't want you to change." What the actual fuck was Xiao Xingchen saying right now?

Xue Yang didn't want to believe it. There's no way Xiao Xingchen was telling him that he was fine the way he is. It pissed him off. "Why the fuck should I care? I don''t fucking know why I liked you in the first place!"

"Yes you do. You told me why. And I'm telling you right now that I'm accepting you as you are. Xue Yang, I love you just as you are. No strings attatched. I know it's probably not what you expect but it's true." His tone was straight forward and firm indicating he wasn't trying to just come up with something random. 

"I don't believe you!" He didn't want to believe him. He would've been fine believing him a half hour ago at least to an extent but for Xiao Xingchen to say he didn't care if Xue Yang was a murderer. Fucking lies. He stopped struggling accepting his fate. He wasn't going to hurt Xiao Xingchen. 

"Don't then, but it's true. I don't care how many people you've killed, how many crimes you've committed. None of that matters. Would I be telling you this right now if I didn't mean it?" Could Xiao Xingchen read his mind? What's worse is Xue Yang could tell he wasn't lying just by the tone of his voice. 

"Why?" Was all he could muster. He really hoped what he wanted to ask was clear. There's no reason that Self-righteous cultivator who wants to make the world better would have any romantic feelings, let alone love, a murderer like Xue Yang. Unheard of is what it was.

"Because, you're funny and fun. I enjoy your company and our conversations. I know you care for me. I like when we just sit in eachothers company, with you leaning against me. I liked it when we kissed, and I liked when we cuddle. I've seen what you are. Not a murderer or a villain, you're a human being who wants to be seen, acknowledged, recognized, cared for, and loved. I'm willing to do all of that."

Xue Yang was speechless. He knew Xiao Xingchen was right, and he wanted to return his feelings too but he just doesn't know how. Xiao Xingchen moved so that they were facing eachother. 

Xiao Xingchen continued to speak after a minute. "Xue Yang, you gave me your eye and even though I can see it hasn't changed a thing. Today I'm giving you my heart. It's entirely up to you what you do with it." His voice was sincere when he spoke. But fuck, why was he so sentimental.

Xue Yang could only be glad he wasn't insane enough to dig out his own heart though he knew if the need arises Xiao Xingchen would. 

"I don't know how to return your feelings," Xue Yang said in a shaky voice. He felt a tear run down his face. Why was he always crying when it came to Xiao Xingchen. 

"I know. But you can learn, if you want. I won't force you." Xiao Xingchen wiped the tear away with a sad smile.

"I do want to, it's just I really don't know how."

"And that's alright. Just as you were willing to wait, I am too. I genuinely enjoyed what we had and even if we can't have that, there's always a future and no matter how different it is, if it's with you, I'll gladly walk forward."

"Daozhang," Xue Yang said another tear rolling down his face that Xiao Xingchen wiped away. "You sound so cheesy right now, you know that right?"

''Yeah," he chuckled. "But it's conveying my emotions and thoughts, is it not?"

Xue Yang laughed. He might as well join Xiao Xingchen in this strange manner of speaking. Might be fun after all, they used to engage in far stranger ways of speaking. "Well then, I'll accept your heart, Daozhang, and I'll accompany you into your unknown future. But you may no longer be seen in a good light. I hope you're alright with that."

"That's fine." It was a blunt response, but Xue Yang could infer that it meant Xiao Xingchen had finally fully accepted him.

"And bad things are doomed to happen. My karma is a literal bitch." Honestly he'd been rather lucky as of late. Maybe everything had passed finally. 

Xiao Xingchen laughed. "How about we talk about this when we get back?" He took Xue Yangs hand and started walking.

Was Xiao Xingchen seriously not going to bring up anything Xue Yang just did? It seemed unlikely that he would the longer they walked. To test his theory Xue Yang even stabbed a couple Jin cultivators on their way out. The cultivators mostly looked confused when they saw Xiao Xingchen with him doing nothing. All Xiao Xingchen did was look over and squeeze Xue Yangs hand. Xue Yang saw his adams apple move but he said nothing Now Xue Yang was certain Xiao Xingchen wasn't lying. He just wondered if Xiao Xingchen could stomach it. 

Xue Yang didn't intend to kill anyone else aside from the couple people he used as a test. He knew Xiao Xingchens choice was a huge one. Xiao Xingchen had clearly made a decision and that decision was to abandon his morals in favor of Xue Yang. Xue Yang was at least going to be a little more behaved but he couldn't promise no one wouldn't die. But at least he never attacked unless provoked in some way.

They were almost to the edge of town when they heard a commotion not far off from where they were. Xue Yang made no effort to see what was going on but ended up being dragged over by Xiao Xingchen.

They didn't quite make it over when someone called out to them.

"Over here!" Xiao Xingchen looked over. "Don't go over there!

Xiao Xingchen decided to trust the person and dragged Xue Yang the other direction. The person calling out to them was Nie Huaisang. Of course that idiot would be the one to invite the murderer over to him.

"Xue Yang, Xiao Xingchen," he greeted. 

This guy really was stupid. He knew exactly who they were and still decide to call them over. Xue Yang pointed Jiangzai at him hoping for a reaction. Nie Huaisang put his hands up.

"Woah woah woah, I have something I need to tell you. I'd like to enlist your help. We all have a common enemy of Jin Guangyao, right?"

''Well, I don't think what he did was unjustified, just wrong." Xiao Xingchen said choosing his words carefully. 

"Let me tell you a little story about Meng Yao." Nie Huaisang said.

"Spare me the trouble, I already know everything." Xue Yang said.

"Xiao Xingchen doesn't, does he?"

"Not really," Xiao Xingchen said uncertainly. 

Nie Huaisang briefed Xiao Xingchen on all of Jin Guangyao's treacheries up to this point. Xue Yang would occasionally add extras into Nie Huaisangs recollection of events.

"So you see, I want to get revenge on him. I'm currently working on a way to bring Wei Wuxian back, and I need to have him lead to the missing pieces of my brother."

"So what the fuck do you want us to do?" Xue Yang asked agitated. 

"You've had access to Wei Wuxians work, I need you to tell me if any of them could bring him back."

"There's several that could easily do such things. I'd suggest going through a Jin cultivator. Might be easier." Xue Yang turned to leave. He didn't want to deal with this. As much as he wanted the Yiling Patriarch back, he didn't to  deal with this idiot. 

"Wait, wait wait, wait! I can't ask a Jin cultivator because you killed all the important ones, and you're the easiest because you've seen them all."

"Look, I too want the Yiling Patriarch back, but I don't want to help you. I can handle the Jins my own way." Xue Yang flashed Jiangzai in front of Nie Huaisang again. 

Nie Huaisang jumped back. "Look, it solves both of our problems in one go, and we get Wei Wuxian back."

Dammit, why did this baffoon have to make sense. At least to an extent. It didn't help that Xue  Yang  idolizes the Yiling Patriarch. And all Xue Yang had to do was give him a list of different rituals. 

"Fine. But you owe me, big time." He sheathed Jiangzai. 

Xiao Xingchen was silent but he watched Xue Yang intently. Xue Yang couldn't tell what was going through his mind but if he had to guess, Xiao Xingchen was trying to comprehend everything and was most likely overwhelmed. 

"Alright." Nie Huaisang pulled out a piece of paper, presumably to take notes.

Xue Yang stated all the possible methods he knew. Nie Huaisang listed intently jotting things down. Xue Yang took the liberty to draw the symbols for Nie Huaisang so that they didn't get messed up. The weirdo kept asking him questions about almost everything and Xue Yang had to execute an immense amount of self-restraint not to snap his neck. This went on for about a half hour. 

"Anything else I should know?'' Asked Nie Huaisang. 

"No." Xue Yang said bluntly.

"Can I ask one more favor?" He made a pleading face.

"No." Xue Yang said but Xiao Xingchen had other thoughts. 

"Of course," Xiao Xingchen said with a smile. Xue Yang wondered when he zoned back into the conversation. 

"Daozhang!" Xue Yang complained. 

"It's one favor Xue Yang, it's fine." 

Xue Yang wasn't going to win against Xiao Xingchen even if he chose to fight. "Fine." He glared at the coward in front of them. 

"If this works, and you run into Wei Wuxian, can you help guide him in the direction of Jin Guangyao?" Nie Huaisang made a serious face though Xue Yang found it hard to take him seriously at any given time.

All he wanted to do was stab him. Unfortunately Xue Yang was now using this opportunity as a means of revenge. He was content using his own methods but this brought back the Yiling Patriarch. Why wouldn't he reluctantly go along with it?

"Fine. Is that all?" Xue Yangs voice was gold and he gave Nie Huaisang a matching glare.

"Y-yes. Th-thank you." What the hell was wrong with this guy? One minute all serious mastermind, the next a timid dog who didn't know where it was. Nie Huaisang turned and bolted before anything else could be done. 

The two continued toward the edge of town. They chatted idly while walking. It was a decent night, the moon shone brightly in the sky allowing for better view. Xue Yang admired how it made Xiao Xingchen look.

They were almost out when Xiao Xingchen suddenly shoved Xue Yang to the ground. Xue Yang heard the sound of flesh being pierced and he smelled the overwhelming scent of fresh blood. 

"Daozhang?" He looked up to see a silver object retreat from Xiao Xingchens torso. "Daozhang!" Xue Yang started panicking. 

He drew Jiangzai and lunged at the attacker who turned out to be that annoying bastard Jiang Wanyin. He fought him with sporadic and unpredictable moves.

"Why the fuck would you stab him!" He slashed at Jiang Chengs arm.

"I was aiming for you, not my fault he got in the way." 

"Fucking bastard! You better fucking pray he doesn't fucking die or I'll make your clan next!" Xue Yang was pissed. He finally had someone and this bitch had to take it from him.

"Are you Wei Wuxian?" Jiang Cheng narrowed his eyes.

Xue Yang faltered for a second quickly regaining himself. "No. Why the fuck would the Yiling Patriarch choose me?" He aimed for Jiang Chengs heart.

Jiang Cheng lashed him with his whip in return. "What the fuck! I thought this was a sword fight. But fine." Xue Yang whistled a small tune. "I get to use my weapons too."

At that moment a mob of walking corpses swarmed Jiang Cheng giving Xue Yang a second to breathe. He wanted to fucking murder that bitch but Xiao Xingchen was more important right now.  He went over to Xiao Xingchen, picked him up carefully and bolted. To hell with this, he needed Xiao Xingchen safe.

He moved as fast as he could away from Lanling. Once he thought he was far enough away he set Xiao Xingchen down and immediately began to examine his wouds. They weren't fatal but they needed attention. He collected herbs from around the area and made a paste. Once made, he applied it to the wound. He used his jacket to create a temporary bandage and wrapped the wound. 

While doing this Xiao Xingchen started to wake up. Xue Yang breathed a sigh of relief but didn't allow himself to be distracted. 

"Stay still, try to rest. I'm going back to Yi City. We'll be able to get better supplies there." He carefully picked Xiao Xingchen up again.

Xiao Xingchen opened his mouth to speak but Xue Yang wouldn't let him. "I need you to rest. We can talk once you're better. It's not going to kill you to rest."

Xiao Xingchen nodded. He adjusted himself so that his head was resting on Xue Yang. Xue Yang put his head to Xiao Xingchens briefly. Despite the situation he felt something weird in his chest as he held Xiao Xingchen. He could feel his breathing, a reminder that this was a human being he was holding. If there was one thing, aside from 'positive' emotions that Xue Yang struggled to understand, it was that people weren't things and objects. He views very few people as human, Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing being close to the only ones.

He rushed back to Yi City. He collected everything he needed from the market before heading back to their house. Xiao Xingchen had long since fallen asleep. Xue Yang couldn't help but think that, despite the wound, Xiao Xingchen was sleeping quite peacefully. He ascended the few stairs they had and was about to open the door when someone else opened it instead. 

Song Lan was standing there. He seemed to have anticipated their arrival, or at least XiaoXingchens, and had come to greet them. Unfortunately, he was met with the sight of Xiao Xingchen seemingly unconscious in Xue Yangs arms, with a stab wound that was surrounded by dried blood. 

"What did you do to him!" Song Lan shouted.

''Well, after passionately making out under a tree," Xue Yang started, and as he said that Song Lans face went from, distressed, to angry, to disgusted, to a get on with it look. Xue Yang grinned as he continued to speak. "Jin Guangyao showed up, I stabbed him, Daozhang yelled at me so I left. I freed you, killed half the Jin Clan to get revenge. Then Daozhang found me; confessed his love for me; we left hand in hand; almost got out of Lanling but fucking Jiang Wanyin found us; tried stabbing me, but Daozhang took the stab. I got him out of there shortly after." His face was smiling but his eyes showed how worried he was. Song Lan just didn't notice. 

"Can you be serious? Xingchen is hurt!" He tried taking Xiao Xingchen from Xue Yang. 

Like hell he was! Xue Yang took a step back glaring at Song Lan. His features changed to something more possessive. He wasn't letting Song Lan have him. The second he hands him over, Song Lan might be planning on killing Xue Yang. He held Xiao Xingchen close to his chest. Under no circumstances was he handing Xiao Xingchen off to Song Lan without proper reason. 

"I am! He's hurt, so let me fucking through so I can tend to his damn wound!" He really didn't have the patience for Song Lan. He'll tolerate him because Xiao Xingchen likes him, but that doesn't mean he has to like Song Lan too.

Song Lan opened his mouth to argue but Xue Yang pushed past him. He went into his room and set Xiao Xingchen down. He stripped his upper half in an attempt to properly dress the wound. As he was in the process Song Lan and A-Qing came in.

"Daozhang?" A-Qing looked concerned. 

"He's sleeping." Xue Yang replied.

"What happened to him? Did you stab him?" A-Qing sent him an accusing look.

"No. One of the sect leaders tried to stab me and he took the stab." Xue Yang wrapped the wound in fresh bandages. 

"Will he be ok?" She looked, somehow, more concerned than before. 

"No. He's going to die a horrible and painful death." He said in a mildly sarcastic tone.

A-Qing looked distraught at his words. He burst out laughing at the sight. She really fell for it. You'd think she'd learn but apparently not.

"Xue Yang!" Song Lan called in a stern tone. "This is not the appropriate time to be making jokes." He looked somewhat like he believed what Xue Yang said and was playing it off as being offended.

"I'll make jokes whenever the hell I want. Maybe one of them will make Daozhang laugh himself awake." He grinned at Song Lan. 

"Xue Yang-" Song Lan started.

"Yeah, that's me, we've established that. And now that we know eachothers names, I'm going to say whatever the hell I want to. You can't stop me without cutting out my tongue. Unfortunately for you, I'm quite skilled in the extraction of that particular muscle. Did you know, it makes a good tea." He gave Song Lan a friendly smile.

Song Lan, formerly enraged, was visibly unnerved by Xue Yang and his strange preferences. "I don't think I'm going to eat anything you make from now on."

"Wise decision, but does that mean you're not going to kill me?" He flashed a playful grin with undertones of a murderous one.

Song Lan spoke carefully. "Xingchen opted not to for a reason. Whatever it was, I trust his judgment." 

"I know the reason," Xue Yang said in an eager tone He switched it to a teasing one before he spoke again. "He's hopelessly in love with me. Can't get enough." His finger was tracing Xiao Xingchens jaw as he spoke.

He made a suggestive face at Song Lan as he leaned carefully but seductively on Xiao Xingchen. Song Lan was struck dumb for a moment before he recovered. 

"Stop playing around." His voice and features were that of anger and exasperation. "If you don't tend to him, I'll throw you out the window and do it myself."

"No need, I'm done. He just needs a change of clothes, which are over in that corner. Grab them for me." Xue Yang spared no kind tone for Song Lan and if anything, he sounded aggressive.

Song Lan hesitantly did so. He handed them to Xue Yang who took them and swiftly changed Xiao Xingchens dirty, tattered, bloodstained robes into fresh white ones.

"When and where did he get those eyes?" Song Lan carefully asked. 

Xue Yang noticed he was starting to catch onto the fact that Xue Yang wasn't going to fatally harm anyone in the house. "When I noticed that 'you' were acting strange, he didn't believe me entirely and would come up with explanation after explanation. I saw the differences between the two of you rather easily, first was eyes were wrong, you have Xiao Xingchens eyes, that guy didn't. I made some sketches and then took my eyes out, split them and fired them into two matching pairs and gave them to him so he could see the difference."

Song Lan was stunned silent for a good minute. Xue Yang started playing with Xiao Xingchens hair braiding some strands together. 

"I see," was all Song Lan said before leaving. 

A-Qing who was quietly standing there the whole time followed him. Xue Yang was surprised she could be quiet for such a long period of time. She was usually yapping his ear off.

He rested his head on the edge of the bed using his arms as a pillow. When Xiao Xingchen woke up, he decided he should probably apologize for, well, everything. He just wasn't sure he could actually do it. Oh well, he was at least glad Xiao Xingchen didn't die. He really liked him. Being with Xiao Xingchen was the only time he felt calm. He chuckled to himself. It was funny how this man went from being someone he hated to someone he cared for. While he was lost in thought he felt a hand on his head.

"Daozhang?" He asked quietly. 

"Mn, it's me.." Xiao Xingchen answered in a weak voice.

"I'm sorry for what I did." Xue Yang put his hand over Xiao Xingchens. 

He'd never actually apologized before, he didn't like how it tasted in his mouth to say those words. They caught Xiao Xingchen off guard for a moment, Xue Yang felt him flinch. 

"Don't apologize Xue Yang... It's not necessary." Xiao Xingchen gave him a soft look. Xue Yang wanted Xiao Xingchens to look at him like that all the time.

"Alright." He wasn't going to fight that. He hated apologies. "And thank you, for not hating me and giving me the chance I don't deserve."

Xiao Xingchen picked up Xue Yangs head cupping his cheek. "Everyone deserves a chance. I just didn't realize you never got one."

"Daozhang-" Xue Yang was cut off again, but he wasn't going to complain. 

Xiao Xingchen had captured his lips in a gentle kiss. Xue Yang could get used to Xiao Xingchens habit of cutting him off if he did it this way. 

After a moment Xiao Xingchen pulled away smiling faintly. "Come lay down, you haven't rested in a while."

Xue Yang nodded as he stood up. He stripped his outer robes and removed his boots putting them in a corner. He got into bed next to Xiao Xingchen, he hurried his head in the crook of Xiao Xingchens neck. Xiao Xingchen wrapped an arm around Xue Yang and pulled him closer. It didn't take long for Xue Yang to fall asleep, and Xiao Xingchen wasn't far behind. 

Chapter Text

Xue Yang felt someone gently shaking him. He jolted awake. For a moment, he forgot where he was and thought he was back on the streets. He panicked before he felt a had rubbing his back. Slowly, he calmed down as he remembered where he was.

"Daozhang?" Xue Yang questioned in a slightly shaken voice. 

"It's me." Xiao Xingchens' response was calm and comforting. 

Xue Yang wrapped his arms around Xiao Xingchen and buried his face in his neck. 

"Are you alright?" Xiao Xingchen stroked his hair lightly, massaging his head.

Xue Yang enjoyed the feeling of Xiao Xingchen comforting him. He lightly squeezed Xiao Xingchen. "I'm fine, Daozhang. Sometimes, I forget where I am, and my brain thinks I'm back on the streets. You don't need to worry. It's no different from your panic of waking up in new places."

"I see. Is there any particular thing that causes this?" Xiao Xingchen wrapped his ther arm around Xue Yangs midsection. 

Xue Yang had to think on that. There wasn't really much he could correlate between the instances. The only thing they had in common was him waking up due to an outside force in a close proximity, but if he told Xiao Xingchen that, Xiao Xingchen wouldn't want to share a bed again and Xue Yang liked the company. It was warm and comfortable, something he wasn't used to. Even as a guest cultivator to the Jins, his conditions weren't ideal to your average person. He didn't mind, but what he has now was unequal to any other circumstances he could recall.

 He settled on not telling Xiao Xingchen in favor of not risking this. "No. It just happens sometimes." He picked his head up to look at the other man. "But you're here, so it's fine." He couldn't believe he said that. Xiao Xingchen really was rubbing off on him. 

He played it off as intentional, since he spoke what he assumed was the truth, and smiled at Xiao Xingchen. In return, Xiao Xingchen put their foreheads together, smiling his ever so gentle smile that Xue Yang admired. 

"And I'm not going anywhere. Okay?" Xiao Xingchens expression made sure Xue Yang knew he was serious. 

"Okay... " He wanted it to be true, but he knew Xiao Xingchen, like the few others, was either going to leave him or try to kill him. 

"I promise. I'm not leaving you. You've been through enough. It's time you understand that you deserve better. I'm willing to do that for you." Xiao Xingchen spoke in a serious tone, and as he spoke, he pulled Xue Yang into a hug.

Xue Yang was silent, just letting Xiao Xingchen embrace him. He hated it, but at the same time, he didn't ever want Xiao Xingchen to let go of him. He nodded, so Xiao Xingchen knew he heard him. His life really sucked, didn't it? He's never been able to keep anything good. This wasn't going to be any different. 

"Good, now I'm going to go make something for breakfast, A-Qing and Song Lan will be up soon." Xiao Xingchen tried to get up, but Xue Yang didn't let him.

"I'll cook, you rest, or at least lay down. Later today, I'll heal your wound, but for now, don't worry about exerting yourself." Xue Yang made to get up, but Xiao Xingchen stopped him.

"It's really no issue. My wound's already almost healed." He exposed almost his entire upper half, removing his bandages, to show Xue Yang how healed it was.

The wound was just a red and purple scar now. Within a few months, it'd be just another scar. Xue Yang wondered what technique Xiao Xingchen used to heal it. It must've been something he learned from Baoshan Sanren. 

"Still, rest. It's good for you." Xue Yang pinned him down, holding him to the bed.

"You need more rest than me, I doubt you slept at all aside from the few hours we were sleeping here." Xiao Xingchen tried to move himself off the bed.

Xue Yang trapped Xiao Xingchens thighs between his, straddling him. "I appreciate your concern, Daozhang, but I really think you should rest."

Xiao Xingchen made a startled noise. "A-Yang-"

"Hmm? Is that my name now?" Xue Yangs voice switched to a playful one. "Then I'm going to call you Xingchen." He brushed his thumb across Xiao Xingchens lips as he smirked.

He then placed his index finger on his lower lip. Xiao Xingchens face flushed red. He really was too easily flustered. He had intended to simply taunt Xiao Xingchen, but Xiao Xingchen didn't quite get the memo, which he was fine with. Xiao Xingchen took Xue Yangs finger into his mouth, sucking it gently. Xue Yang, in turn, moved his finger around inside Xiao Xingchens mouth as he added a second. 

"Xingchen, you've got skill~ Have you done this before? Perhaps with a certain cultivator?" His tone turned angrier and eyes narrowed after each question. 

Xiao Xingchen let go of Xue Yangs fingers, face red. "Yes, I have. I'm sorry."

Why the fuck was he apologizing? That just made Xue Yang angrier, and and a tiny bit more possessive. "Then prove you're sorry. Prove you like me, not him." Though he'd never explicitly thought it, but he wondered if Xiao Xingchen still liked Song Lan and was simply playing Xue Yang in an attempt to keep Song Lan alive.

Xiao Xingchen sat up though Xue Yang didn't move from his spot on top of him. "A-Yang, this won't prove anythin-" 

"Shut up!"

"I like you A-Yang. I didn't realize back then that someone could be so pleasant to be around. Then you came into my life as Chengmei and changed my mind. Since the second year of living with you, I decided that I was greatful things didn't get very far with Song Lan. I decided you were better than him, more enjoyable in company." Xiao Xingchen cupped Xue Yangs face while speaking. 

Xue Yang calmed down just from Xiao Xingchens touch. Damn, Xiao Xingchen really had a strange effect on Xue Yang. Xue Yang was beginning to enjoy it though. He was starting to feel calm without having to murder mass amounts of people or, on his usual days, make people's lives miserable by causing mass amounts of minor inconveniences.

He grabbed Xiao Xingchens wrist. "If you say so." 

He abruptly pinned Xiao Xingchen back down to the bed. Xiao Xingchens face gained an expression of slight shock but he didn't protest Xue Yang in any way. He took it as an invitation to continue. He was coming to realize that what he thought was hatred was simply attraction toward Xiao Xingchen and envy toward Song Lan. 

Xue Yang grinded their hips together slowly, but based off of Xiao Xingchens reaction it was enough to make him aroused. Xue Yang loosened Xiao Xingchens already loose collar and pulled his robes down past his shoulders. He wanted to leave a mark on every inch of Xiao Xingchens body for Song Lan to see.

Xue Yang wanted to see how far he could get before Xiao Xingchen started getting uncomfortable. He wasn't going to force him into anything he wasn't comfortable with. But of course, he knew Xiao Xingchen was alright with him at least exposing his upper half and doing whatever with it.

Xue Yang planted tiny kisses up Xiao Xingchens jawline. He then went back down his jawline with nips and light licking. Xiao Xingchen let out quiet noises of pleasure. Xue Yang continued to do this down Xiao Xingchens neck sucking and biting wherever he pleased, just hoping to see Song Lans face when he sees his precious Xingchen put into such a state by Xue Yang. 

He wasn't getting quite as much as he wanted out of Xiao Xingchen, so he started to grind faster and harder. He could feel XiaoXingchens growing erection under his own. Xiao Xingchen was making more noise now, and Xue Yang thoroughly enjoyed it. Xue Yang made his way down the cultivators chest and was sucking on, and nipping at, one of Xiao Xingchens hard nipples.

After awhile, Xue Yang couldn't handle his erection and Xiao Xingchen seemed to be restraining himself from climaxing. 

"A-Yang, s-stop.. I'm going to- to-..." Xiao Xingchen cut himself off, his face looked panicked and distressed.

"Xingchen, have you never done anything like this before? Even by yourself?" Xue Yangs voice had a hint of disbelief, but he mostly spoke in a soft gentle tone. A tone very foreign to him. 

Xiao Xingchens face flushed an even darker color than it already was. Xue Yang took this as a no. He wanted to laugh but stopped himself. He felt something close to pity for Xiao Xingchen.

Xue Yang started fixing Xiao Xingchens robes. "It's alright. You don't have to do anything else with me. I'll let you take care of yourself however you need and I'll make breakfast." 

"No." Xiao Xingchen said still panicked, he appeared to be thinking as well. 

"It's really no problem, if you don't want to do anything, there's cold water not far from here you can-"

"No!" Xiao Xingchen grabbed Xue Yangs arm. "Stay. Y-you can," he paused trying to figure out his words. "H-help me with this..." He didn't look as panicked as before, but was definitely afraid or nervous. 

"Are you sure?"

Xiao Xingchen nodded, "Yes. I-I trust you."

Xue Yang nodded undoing Xiao Xingchen robe so that he was exposed. Xue Yang observed him for a minute before grabbing his member and slowly stroking it. He intended to handle himself later.

Xiao Xingchen took in a deep inhale. His face was a mix of pleasure, anxiety, and panic. Xue Yang didn't mind it anymore as he continued. Xiao Xingchen was close but still holding back.

"You're so close Xingchen. Just relax, ok?" Xue Yang gave him a reassuring smile. He wasn't a fan of being this nice but he didn't want Xiao Xingchen to be in any worse of a state.

Xiao Xingchen nodded doing as told. Xue Yang could tell he'd never experienced anything of this sort before, though he wondered where XiaoXingchens skill with his tongue came from. Xue Yang picked up the pace with his hand and not even a minute later Xiao Xingchen came with a loud stifled moan.

Xue Yang was about to speak but at that moment Song Lan came in. The sight he was met with was Xue Yang on top of Xiao Xingchen, holding his cock in his had, covered in Xiao Xingchens come. And Xiao Xingchen under Xue Yangs, face flushed red, looking slightly panicked still at his own body, holding tightly onto Xue Yangs arm. 

Song Lans face was that of pure shock for a solid minute. It then changed to anger, disgusting, and horror as the scene before him sunk in. Xue Yang was almost happy thay Song Lan walked in because now he could see that Xue Yang wasn't lying or joking around. Unfortunately, Song Lan didn't take the scene before him that way at all. 

"What the fuck did you do to him!" Song Lan shouted still too stunned to move.

"I told you last night, didn't I?"

"Who would be willing to love you? Of anyone willing, Xingchen is at the bottom of that list! So why the hell did you do this to him?" Song Lan looked ready to stab Xue Yang or many use his bare hands to rip his heart out.

Finally getting the courage to move, Song Lan shoved Xue Yang onto the floor glaring at him. Xiao Xingchen gave Xue Yang an apologetic look, which Xue Yang returned with an angry and disappointed one. Song Lan ignored both of their looks and began to dress Xiao Xingchen. He gave Xue Yang the most disgusted look he could muster up.

"Xingchen, if he ever tries this again, don't be afraid to shout, I'll hear you." Song Lan grabbed a pair of fresh clothes for Xiao Xingchen. 

"But-" Xiao Xingchen started but got cut off.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure you don't have to share a room either, that'll make things better. Or, you could kick him out." Song Lan sat Xiao Xingchen up.

"No, I'm not doing that! I-"

"Then we'll let him have his own room so this doesn't happen again." Song Lan gave Xue Yang a disgusted look.

"Zichen, Listen!" Xue Yang didn't know it was possible, especially with Song Lan, but Xiao Xingchen was at the end of his patience. 

"Yes?" He stopped what he was doing waiting for Xiao Xingchen to respond. 

"H-he didn't do anything I didn't want him to. I asked him to." Xiao Xingchen got up going over to Xue Yang. He gave Song Lan a mildly cold look while pulling Xue Yang up. He still looked uncertain and a little uncomfortable over it, and this whole situation probably wasn't helping, but he tried to hide it.

"Xingchen, please stop defending him, what's gotten into you. That's Xue Yang the same Xue Yang that massacred the Chang Clan and Baixue Temple. The Xue Yang that killed half the Jin Clan two days ago." 

"Yeah, he's also the same Xue Yang that suffered at the hands of the Chang Clan for years, the same Xue Yang that gave me hus eye, and saved you. He's the Xue Yang I chose to let live here despite knowing that he's Xue Yang. Without him, you'd still be stuck with Jin Guangyao. I made my choice, he made his, you need to accept it."

Song Lan looked agitated and a tad confused. "I don't get it. Why do you let him stay after everything? What's so great about him?"

"Get to know him and you'll find out. I'm going to go wash up, A-Yang, you should do the same. Song Lan, can you make A-Qing something to eat?" He headed towards the door holding Xue Yangs hand.

"Xingchen, this isn't going to end well. I don't know what he's done to manipulate you, but you shouldn't trust him." Song Lan looked genuinely concerned for his friend. 

"It's my choice, not yours. I already said, I made my choice." Xiao Xingchen was getting agitated at Song Lan.

Xue Yang had to hold back a laugh. It really was comical to Xue Yang. He pictured this as Song Lans karma. He just wished he could make it worse. He was going to wear him down eventually. Right now though, he wanted Xiao Xingchen away from this situation so he dragged Xiao Xingchen outside. 

"Let's clean you up. Then, we can eat and do  whatever, after."

Xiao Xingchen nodded. They went outside to find their water supply mostly empty. Xiao Xingchen decided to leave it and suggested they fetch new water. Xue Yang decided that was too much hassle and instead suggested they bring a coffin, fill it with water and use that. So the two set off to the stream with a coffin and a bucket. 

They were silent the entire time and it bothered Xue Yang. Did he fuck something up? Maybe he should've just let Xiao Xingchen make food. It's not his fault that he wanted to fuck Xiao Xingchen senseless, he respected Xiao Xingchen as best he could. 

On their way back Xue Yang couldn't take it. "Hey, Daozhang, are you alright?"

"Yeah, why?" Xiao Xingchen smiled at him, trying his best to look genuinely fine.

"Don't lie to me, I've spent the last three years tentatively studying your facial expressions. What's wrong?" He stopped and put a hand on Xiao Xingchens shoulder. "I'm- did I make you uncomfortable earlier?" He wanted to apologize but couldn't form the words.

"No, it wasn't you. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just that Zichen always jumps to the worst possible conclusion about everything." 

"Don't take it to heart. You should already know that. He'll most likely apologize to you once we're back." Xue Yang squeezed his shoulder.

"Yeah, but not you."

"That's alright. I don't need his apology, I have you." He planted a light kiss on Xiao Xingchens cheek.

Xiao Xingchens face turned red. "He said I don't love you, and that you're just manipulating me-"

Xue Yang cut him off panicking. Is that was this was about? Did he really think Xue Yang was manipulating him? "I'm not manipulating you," he abruptly said.

"I didn't say you were. I was about to say that I believed neither to be true. You would've done something by now, and if I didn't have at least a level of trust for you, you'd be dead. But it's more than that. I can't speak for you, but I believe I've loved you for the past year and even after finding out you're you, it didn't change. I wouldn't even have slept in the same bed as you if I didn't."

"So virtuous, Xingchen. I should feel honored." He smirked playfully. "Although, I already know, you wouldn't have let me get away with the incident from the other day otherwise."

"Let's not dwell on that, please." 

"Alright, if you say so. But I'm afraid I've forgotten how much you care about me, maybe you should enlighten me." Xue Yang nudged Xiao Xingchen playfully. 

Xiao Xingchen chuckled. "Perhaps I should. Though, I thought I already did, this morning. Unless.." Xiao Xingchen had a huge smile on his face the whole time he was talking.

''Unless what?" Xue Yang leaned onto him eyes shining with curiosity.

"Unless you're manipulating me and I don't know what I want." Xiao Xingchen chuckled. 

Xue Yang put his hands up. "You caught me. That's exactly what I'm doing. I wanted to make your life miserable so I made a plan to stop killing, and live the most mundane life ever in an attempt to confuse you and slowly break you mentally." Xue Yang grinned. 

"And how long does this plan take?"

"Inconclusive! No sufficient hatred to go off of." Xue Yang wrapped himself around Xiao Xingchens arm as they walked. 

Xiao Xingchen laughed as he spoke. "I see." 

"Well, actually, you didn't, but now you do." Xiao Xingchen burst out laughing. 

Xue Yang had often made blind jokes around the time their second year or living in Yi City came around. At that point, Xiao Xingchen wasn't as touchy with those types of jokes and often made them himself as well. A-Qing, on the other hand, often looked as though she was going to kill both of them any time they made a joke about Xiao Xingchen being blind.

As they neared the coffin home once more, they found Song Lan tending to the garden. The garden was doing surprisingly well, considering how infertile the land was. Xue Yang had doubted anything would grow in it. In the end, he ended up tending the most to the garden after he saw Xiao Xingchen disappointed that nothing was growing.

Song Lan looked over to them and got up. He saw Xue Yang attatched to Xiao Xingchens arm and his calm expression switched to one of contempt. It was quite obvious that he didn't like this either.

Xue Yang gave him the biggest, friendliest smile he could muster. Song Lans face darkened. 

He enunciated his next words very carefully. "What do you think you are doing?" 

"Walking, talking. Well, standing now I guess. Restraining myself from snapping your neck, breathing, trying to ignore your existence. Hmm, what else? Oh-" Xue Yang was prepared to say every little thing he was doing simply to annoying Song Lan. 

"That's not what I meant." He looked mostly angry now. "Why are you hanging on him like that? And where were you? It doesn't take that long to clean yourselves."

"Well, we decided to take a scenic walk on our way back." Xue Yang gestured to the forest.

"Our water source isn't even in that direction."

"Well, since our tub was too much of a hassle to fill, because our water supply is empty. We went down to the stream with a smaller coffin and used that." Xue Yang started pulling Xiao Xingchen inside. 

"Where's this coffin then?" Song Lan asked skeptically.

"I told you we forgot something A-Yang." Xiao Xingchen made to go back to the stream.

"Leave it Daozhang, we'll get it later. I'm hungry." Xue Yang dragged Xiao Xingchen inside before Song Lan could say another word. 

Inside A-Qing was sitting at the table fidgeting with chopsticks. She perked up when she heard them. "Daozhang? Xue-Ge?" She asked. 

Xue-Ge? Since when was she that formal with him? He didn't hate it but it was most certainly different. Maybe it stuck with her after their trip to Lanling.

"Yes, it's us," Xiao Xingchen said as he went over to the kitchen. 

"Thank the heavens you're back. SongLan-Daozhang can't cook." 

Xue Yang laughed hysterically.

"A-Yang, please don't laugh at his cooking skills," Xiao Xingchen scolded.

"Why? Because you had to eat it for years?" 

"No- yes- That's not the point."

"Then what is the point? Am I being too mean?" He went over to Xiao Xingchen wrapping his arms around his waist. "I'll be better Daozhang," Xue Yang said in a half mocking, half apologetic tone as he tucked his face into Xiao Xingchens shoulder.

"No you won't," Was all Xiao Xingchen said.

"Hey! Quit flirting! I'm right here ya know. Haven't you had enough for today?" A-Qing had an exhausted look on her face.

Xiao Xingchens face turned red as a Strawberry. "What are you talking about?"

"Song Lan told me everything. And I'm blind, not deaf."

Xiao Xingchen hid his face. "Sorry A-Qing."

"You better be! Now make me some actual food. I'm starving."

"Only if you ask nicely," Xue Yang said.

She stuck her tongue out at him.

"You know, I do enjoy my tea with tongue in it~"

"You wouldn't dare." 

"I might. It's been quite some time since I've had that. I used my last tongue over a year ago."

"You're disgusting." He didn't take her insult to heart knowing they were simply bantering. 

"Sure I am Little Blind."

"Enough, I'll make food. I don't want to hear anymore about your special tea." Xiao Xingchen said as he started preparing food for the three of them with Xue Yang stuck to his back.

"Come on Xingchen, it's delicious. I actually have a few tongues from the Jin Clan deciples." Xue Yang smirked. 

"I- I'm not drinking that.." 

"I didn't say you had to. I'm just saying that it's good."

"Right." Xiao Xingchen went silent again.

Not long after Song Lan came in looking guilty. He spoke cautiously, "Xingchen, can we talk?" 

"After I make us food. A-Yang and I haven't eaten in a day or two." Xiao Xingchen held up two fingers as he spoke.

"It was two days." Xue Yang corrected. 

"Alright..." Song Lan said hesitantly as he sat down. 

After around fifteen minutes, Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang sat down with their food. Xiao Xingchen discreetly gave A-Qing about half of his. Xue Yang made a few jokes while they ate, which caused Xiao Xingchen to keel over from laughing. He even got A-Qing to laugh at a few, but Song Lan didn't budge.

They finished and Xue Yang took the dishes to go clean them while the other two talked. He didn't want to leave them alone for too long so he rushed the dishes. When he found them Xiao Xingchen looked to be on the verge of tears and Song Lan looked guilty. 

"What the fuck did you say to him?" Xue Yang rushed over.

This was the third time Song Lan had put Xiao Xingchen in any sort of depressed state that he could remember. He wanted to fucking murder that bitch but he wasn't going to because that would mean Xiao Xingchen would probably kill him.

"I told him that I didn't want to stay here because I wanted to make a sect. I told him he could come with me, or stay here. I just don't trust you or the girl representing us."

"So you're making him choose between you or us? He shouldn't have to choose between his best friend and what has been his family for the past three years."

This pissed Xue Yang off. He knew life was unfair and generally he didn't give a shit who got dealt what hand as long as they didn't get in his way. But when it came to Xiao Xingchen he found that he did give a shit. Xiao Xingchen didn't deserve it, he'd done nothing wrong. Maybe Xue Yang could do something to fix the situation. 

"Not that. I don't trust you, and you're not really someone anyone would want representing their sect, and you might just decide to kill one of us in our sleep. And the girl is too old to form a core, so keeping her around would only slow us down."

All his points were valid, but his ultimatum was horrible. Xue Yang didn't like it. He decided Xiao Xingchen didn't need to make that choice and that Song Lan shouldn't be so quick to judge A-Qing or himself. 

"Not happening," was all Xue Yang said before he walked directly up to Song Lan.

He wasted no time at all to punch him square in the face. Immediately after doing that, he stalked off toward the town.

"What the hell was that for?" He hear Song Lan yell to him. He wasn't bothered to respond. 

''A-Yang!" Xiao Xingchen yelled, confused 

He didn't respond. 

"Xue Yang!" His voice changed to worry 

Still no response.

"Xue Chengmei!" Xiao Xingchen sounded desperate. 

"What Daozhang?" Xue Yang asked, turning his head slightly over his shoulders, anger visible in his eyes.

"What are you going to do?" He looked both terrified and worried. Xue Yang figured he thought that Xue Yang was going to go on some killing spree. 

"Don't worry, Daozhang, I'll be back," was all he said before turning and leaving. If Song Lan wasn't going to let Xiao Xingchen have both, Xue Yang was. 

Chapter Text

Xue Yang made his way to the city. He wasn't going to allow Xiao Xingchen to make that choice. What if he chose Song Lan and left Xue Yang behind? What if he convinced Song Lan to take A-Qing but leave Xue Yang behind? Or worse, what if Xue Yang ended up dead? He'd let Xiao Xingchen die before he did, but maybe he didn't believe that.

He used Jiangzai to blow off some steam on the trees before he made it into the city. There's no way he'd be able to accomplish anything if he accidentally killed someone. Of course, he wanted to, but he knew that might make Xiao Xingchen second guess his decision. He didn't want that. 

When he passed by the stalls, he was greeted with some looks of panic and terror and a few smiling faces. The ones who looked terrified were met with an intense glare. The ones who didn't, he just ignored. On his way through, he stole some candy from a couple of the shops, a new pair of robes for Xiao Xingchen, since his clothes were getting tattered, torn, and stained. He also took a new dress for A-Qing that he thought she'd look good in. The sellers were too afraid to confront him, so he took them all easily. 

After finally cooling down, he made his way directly to the head of the city. He didn't bother with formalities when he found him. He was older with a growing beard, and his hair was starting to whiten. He wore gray and white robes with gold embroidered sleeves. His hair was worn in a bun being held in by an overly large pin.

 When he found the guy, he slammed his hand on the nearest surface, which happened to be a ratgee prickly wall. He demanded that they make a deal and stated he would bot leave otherwise. 

The guy looked at him startled. "What would you like to discuss, uh.. Qianbei..?" The more he spoke, the more uncertain he sounded.

"I want to start a sect just outside of Yi City." Xue Yang was very blunt and aggressive in his manner of speaking. 

"I'm sorry, but that isn't up to me. I'd have to-" He was cut off.

"I don't care what you have to do, just fucking do it. That is, unless you want to wake up tomorrow to a majority of the city laying face down in pools of their own blood." He smirked maliciously as he grabbed the hilt of Jiangzai. 

The guy unconsciously backed up. "Alright, alright. I'll have everything ready by tomorrow morning."

"Not good enough." He unsheathed Jiangzai and pointed it at the mans throat. "I need it by tonight. If you can't get it by then, for every extra hour I have to wait, someone will die a slow and agonizing death. Understood?"

"Yes Qianbei." The man quickly ran off. Xue Yang decided to wait in the guys house.

While he was there he drew some prototype ideas for the temple that he figured Xiao Xingchen would be fine with. He didn't care about Song Lan in the slightest. If he didn't like it he could go fuck himself, Xue Yang wasn't catering to him.

He made sure that the place was spacious enough for at least the four of them and a couple spare rooms. He figured they'd start small and expand it as they grew. The only issue was resources. They were going to have to request help on building it, which wasn't horrible, but Xue Yang would have to dress up as someone else. Maybe he could pretend to be Xiao Xingchens brother. 

He'd figure that out later. Right now, he needed to make sure that they could build it. It needed to have a large training area so that people could move freely. He also wanted a secluded area where he could practice his own cultivation. Maybe if they got deciples they could fight his corpses. 

He got bored of that after a while and decided to explore the place a bit more. It was quite large compared to the rest of the homes in the city, though Xue Yang had seem considerably larger places. He appeared to have a family, which Xue Yang could only guess where they were.

After walking around for a bit,  he went into the kitchen and stole some food. He took whatever sweets he found and an apple. He sat back down in front of the layout he was working on and stared at it. Deciding he didn't quite want to do that, he grabbed some new paper and drew a couple pictures of Xiao Xingchen either sleeping or smiling. 

By the time the guy got back, it was almost dark. Xue Yang had almost the entire layout planned. The guy didn't notice him at first and was about to leave to go find him. Xue Yang clicked his tongue to let the man know he was there. The man jumped and turned around startled.

"Q-Qianbei?" He sounded uncertain and looked ready to defend himself with whatever he had.

"Not a bad place, I've seen better, but not bad. So," Xue Yang said,  walking up to the man. "Can we do this thing or not?"

He took a cautious strp back. "The leaders of each sect will be holding a meeting in two days." He held up a piece of paper. "This is our invitation. It invites me, you, and anyone else involved. I will need all of your names so that they know who to expect." 

"The sect leaders will be Xiao Xingchen, the formerly blind cultivator who rid you of your corpse problem. Then there's Song Lan, courtesy name, Song Zichen, who's also already a cultivator and is a very close friend to Xiao Xingchen. Those two will most likely be in charge." 

"Then why are you here? What's your relation to those two? I often see you, the nice Daozhang, and a girl in the market, so what's the relation?"

He couldn't just bluntly say what their actual relationship was. It'd sound strange if he said A-Qing was like their child, and Song Lan was Xiao Xingchens overly protective old cultivation partner. That would bring too many questions. He couldn't afford that. Then it hit him. He'd pretend they're related. The world didn't need to know the truth, especially during this stage of starting a sect.

"I'm Xiao Xingchens Younger brother Xiao Yang and the girl is our younger sister Xiao Qing. We're very supportive of him and his dream to one day build a sect with his friend." Hopefully, that worked.

"Why has he always addressed you as friend?"

"We didn't realize we were related until the other day. He already knew of A-Qing. She was one of the reasons he left his mountain. The other day, they went to a banquet and ran into someone who knew our parents. Thus, we know the truth." Xue Yang smiled innocently, hoping that his story worked. 

"I'll pass the information on. Take this back to your brother and relay the date and time. Two days from now, Golden Carp Tower, midday. Only those involved may come." He handed Xue Yang the paper.

Xue Yang took it. "I'll be nice to you since you came back on time. It'll be one person for each day we wait." He smirked as he left, not bothering to assess the man's expression. 

It was mostly dark at this point, and not many people were out. He spotted a vendor who used to constantly make fun of Xiao Xingchens blindness and decided he would be his first target. He casually strode over to the stall with a huge grin on his face.

"I'm sorry, shop's closed for the night. Come back tomorrow." He spoke nonchalantly as he packed up the last of his stuff.

Xue Yang leaned against the stand. He kicked the bag of supplies spilling them all over the floor. "Opps, my bad. Let me help." 

The guy looked greatful, fully unaware of the fate he was about to meet. "Many thanks to you." He began picking up, not even bothering to look in Xue Yangs direction. 

Xue Yang spotted a neclace that he thought Xiao Xingchen might like. Without a seconds thought,  he took it. It was a pearl white mixed with a silver-blue design that reminded Xue Yang of a breeze with the colors of the moon. He stashed it in his nearest pocket. 

"You remember that nice Daozhang that comes through every now and then?" Xue Yang asked, casually. 

The man nodded. "The blind one who sometimes stumbles around and takes all the bad produce.  He travels with the blind girl and the guy who looks like he's about to kill the next person that looks at him funny."

That statement pissed Xue Yang off. "Well, I just might. But really, it's anyone that looks at Daozhang funny, or talks behind his back. And you, my friend, happen to be one of them."

The man, now panicked, backed up from Xue Yang. He looked ready to run as far away as possible. Xue Yang wasn't going to let that happen, and he wasn't about to let the man alert the city either. Plus, if he was going to use his tongue to speak bad about Xiao Xingchen, he didn't deserve it. 

The next thing the guy knew, his tongue was in Xue Yangs hand. "Not bad. For a moment I was worried I wouldn't be able to have tea tomorrow." He smirked at the guy.

The man tried to run, so Xue Yang slashed his knees. "You're not going fucking anywhere! After three years of Daozhang helping you guys you still talk bad about him. You don't deserve a fucking tongue! Or your damn life! Consider yourself lucky that I won't play around with you more. I've got places to be. You'll just be a member of my corpse army."

The man paralyzed with fear. Xue Yang loved watching their reactions right before they died. Each person always acted differently. He walked over to the man and pierced his heart. The man opened his mouth to scream, but couldn't. 

He then took the body to his corpse collection. Hopefully he could actually use them soon. As long as Xiao Xingchen doesn't know where they're from, he should be fine. Of course that doesn't mean others won't recognize it, but what did he care? He turned away as he started the not too terribly long trip back to the coffin home. The next person would be tomorrow's issue, he just wanted to go back and make sure Xiao Xingchens knew he didn't abandon them.

He walked back in a particularly good mood. Not only did he kill someone who made fun of them, but he managed to get the cultivation sects to have a meeting for a possible sect in Yi City. Things were going great. And now, Song Lan couldn't take Xiao Xingchen away, Xiao Xingchen could have his dream, and Xue Yang and A-Qing could have a family. 

Once he got back he slammed open the door. "Daozhang! Guess what I got!" He walked into the main area, smile on his face.

His face immediately fell when he saw Song Lan kissing Xiao Xingchen. Xiao Xingchen didn't appear to be into it and looked like he wanted to get away. When Song Lan heard Xue Yang he stopped. 

Xiao Xingchen breathed a sigh of relief, only Xue Yang didn't care anymore. Perhaps Xiao Xingchen really did like Song Lan more and only settled for Xue Yang because he didn't know Song Lan that well when they reunited. 

"A-Yang!" Xiao Xingchen looked panicked.

"While I was gone, I got you something. I guess you two can enjoy it. I really fucking wish I could hate you! Enjoy your dream life. I'm going to bed." He slammed the invitation onto the table with the necklace.

He stalked into his room. He changed into thinner and more comfortable clothes and decided to let his left hand breathe for a bit. He set his old clothes and the glove on the other end of the room. He then laid down. 

He really didn't deserve what he had. He learned that today. As much as he wanted to believe that it was only Song Lan and that Xiao Xingchen was innocent, he couldn't believe it. Nothing good happens to him, and if it does, it never lasts. For all he knew, Xiao Xingchen's face was simply his reaction to the sound of the door opening and Xue Yang yelling. Did Xiao Xingchen lie to him in Lanling? Was it just his way of calming Xue Yang down?

It probably was. Xiao Xingchen would fucking do anything for the 'greater good'. Xue Yang was an idiot, a gullible dumbass, who fell for the fake promises of another fucking cultivator. He wanted to fucking murder every last one of them right now, but didn't. He stared at his pinky for a while remembering everything the Chang Clan did to him. 

After a minute or two he heard the door open and what he assumed were Xiao Xingchens footsteps, enter the room. Since he didn't want to talk about why he felt so betrayed or address it, he got up, defenestrated himself, and ran.

He ran for a decent amount of time before he got tired. He had ended up in a field of lilies. He found a willow tree and sat under it, catching his breath. Fucking hell, did Xiao Xingchen really have to barge in like that. He wasn't in the mood to talk. Or maybe, he was afraid of what Xiao Xingchen had to say. 

He wanted to kill someone so fucking bad right now, but there wasn't anyone around. He just wanted to see the satisfying way blood trickled down skin and pooled onto the ground. Then he remembered, he too had blood, and it too did the same thing. 

With that thought, he grabbed out his dagger and poked the tip of the pointer finger on his left hand until he saw blood. He watched as it pooled up and slowly trickled down his finger. It was satisfying to watch and nulled his urge to kill. He went to do the same to his palm, hoping to watch it full the creases of hus skin. He put the cold blade to the center of his palm and went to press down. 

But he couldn't. The next thing he knew, the blade was taken from him, and in its place was only air. There was a minor cut where it was placed, but nothing severe.

"Hey! I was fucking using that damn thing!" He glared at the person in front if him.

"There are better ways to deal with stress" Xiao Xingchen replied.

"Well I went the opposite way of civilization, so there wasn't exactly anything to take my frustration out on, now was there?"

Xiao Xingchen was silent for a moment. He knelt down by Xue Yang and gently grabbed his hand. He was most likely trying to examine the new wounds but Xue Yang was still sensitive when it came to his left hand.

He instinctively pulled his hand away yelling, "Don't touch me!" This was often he reaction when a random person tried to examine his long healed wound.

Xiao Xingchen, though, did not know this and assumed it was meant specifically for him. "I'm sorry. You probably hate me right now, and that's fine." He paused. "I know you don't want to hear me right now, but if you'll let me explain. This was all just one big misunderstanding."

"I don't care! This isn't something I want to talk about. I already know what you're going to say."

"And what am I going to say?" Xiao Xingchen asked, cocking his head to the side.

"You're going to tell me that you were wrong, and you shouldn't have let Song Lan do that. But you're going to tell me that you chose him over us because it's safer and you probably convinced him to take A-Qing, and now you're going to go wonder around until you can build your beautiful sect! And you decided thus because you only faked liking me to save the rest of the Jins..." Xue Yang turned away from Xiao Xingchen not wanting to see his reaction. 

"You're right, I will tell you that I shouldn't have let Song Lan kiss me, but that's all you're right on." Xiao Xingchen said matter-of-factly.

"Really," Xue Yang said, skeptically.

Xiao Xingchen nodded, cintinuing to speak. "He must've been getting mixed signals. And earlier he said we should try again to be cultivation partners, but I told him no, because I had you." Xiao Xingchen put his hand on Xue Yangs shoulder.

Xue Yang didn't want to believe his ears anymore. He wished his conclusion was true, because if it was he wouldn't have to deal with such foreign feelings. He could go back to the ones he was familiar with. It'd be easier if he could just hate Xiao Xingchen again.

But then, did he ever hate him? Or was it just Song Lan? Sure he hated how pure and righteous he was, and he hated his naivety. But maybe he envied Xiao Xingchen and had, at heart, wished he had a Xiao Xingchen to save him and understand him. 

Now the opportunity had been staring him in the face, for years, but he never realized it. Again, he was naive and stupid too. And with that realization he was willing to admit it.

Upon hearing Xue Yangs silence, Xiao Xingchen took it as a sign to continue his explanation. "Then you left for almost an entire day. I wasn't in a good mood, he kept trying to comfort me, and that was his last attempt. I assure you, Xue Yang, that's it. There's nothing more. I told you, I chose you. That hasn't changed." His voice was so gentle and genuine. Xue Yang didn't know how to handle it.

He turned around to face Xiao Xingchen. "Dammit, Daozhang!" Xue Yangs voice was shaky when he spoke. "Why are you like this?" He grabbed Xiao Xingchens robes and balled his hands into fists. "Why do you do this to me? Why can't you let me be fucking normal?" It was obvious just by his voice that he was holding back tears. 

"What do you mean?" Xiao Xingchen was generally confused.

"Every damn time I'm with you, I feel so many different things that I can't place, it makes me want to vomit! Why? Why do you make me second guess my actions? Why do you take the hate away? Why, with you, do I feel like things are perfect and that any outside force is a threat? Why do I go through such lengths to keep you around? Why do I need you so much? I don't feel hate, or envy, or pity, or anything of the sort with you, it's so fucking complicated! I fucking hate it!"

"Then, do you... Do you hate me?" Xiao Xingchens voice was also shakey.

That question threw Xue Yang for a loop. He knew he didn't hate Xiao Xingchen, he hadn't for quite some time. But he'd always convinced himself that he did, building up his walls. But in the last year, that wall was slowly crumbling away, and now, Xiao Xingchen was so close to removing the last couple bricks. It terrified Xue Yang to think of what state Xiao Xingchen would see him in.

But he didn't hate Xiao Xingchen? He still wanted to, but he didn't. He knew that. He also wanted to reciprocate Xiao Xingchen's feelings, and to an extent, he did. Maybe because he didn't know how, Xiao Xingchen was starting to give up on him.

"I-..." He stopped abruptly when he felt something wet hit his hand. 

He looked at it and was startled. On his hand was a drop of red slowly sliding down his hand. He looked up at Xiao Xingchens face to see bloody tears in his eyes. He felt something close to sympathy and sadness. 

"Daozhang..." He wiped the tears away. "Daozhang, I don't hate you. Those strange emotions, I think they're a good thing. I just keot trying to convince myself that it was my hate for you. But, Xingchen, you're everything I've wanted, and everything I've hated in one person. And that hate, I need to have it to understand these new feelings. They've been there for years, slowly making themselves more known. I thought it was hate."

Xue Yang put his head to Xiao Xingchens chest letting his hand fall to his shoulders. He'd finally found his mistake. The mistake he'd made for almost two years now. He started laughing hysterically, finally letting his tears fall.

"Daozhang! I'm an idiot!" He continued laughing. "I'm a fucking idiot! I mixed up fondness and the want for intimacy, with hatred and loathing."

Xiao Xingchen stroked his hair, and Xue Yang stopped laughing. "It's alright. You're not an idiot for being confused. And you didn't do any significant harm either."

"Yes, I did. I've hurt, manipulated, and betrayed you. I've almost killed you! I massacred Baixue Temple to try to get back at you. I wanted you to learn how this world works. I wanted you to understand my pain, and I couldn't even realize that back then! I always longed for someone like you, who tries to do what's 'right', to save me, take me away from the suffering. I wanted someone to fucking notice me. And here, in Yi City, you did, and I fucking hated how much it changed me. I hated that it made me understand you and not the other way around. But then, you kept me around and understood me. You accepted me." He clung tighter to Xiao Xingchens robes as if he might vanish from this world if he let go.

Xiao Xingchen pulled out a sheet of paper. It had one of Xue Yangs drawing on it. Specifically, the one of him reaching up at a blind Xiao Xingchen on the moon.

"Is that what this represents? You, reaching out to me while I smile unknowingly and oblivious to your suffering." 

Xue Yang nodded. "Somehow, during these past years, you became a beacon of light growing brighter and brighter in my life. But you never noticed. You didn't know me. You only knew a stranger. And before we lived here, you only saw a murderer."

"A-Yang... I'm sorry I couldn't see you reaching out for help. All those years of playing cat and mouse, you were reaching out for help in the only way you knew how. But you didn't want to admit you needed it, so you kept committing atrocities. I just wanted to correct an imbalance. I didn't look into anything else. Maybe, if I had done so, things would be different."

"Maybe. But they're not different. They are what they are. I'm almost happy about it, though. I got to know you and A-Qing. You gave me chances to express myself. You've cared for me and shown me what it's like to have a normal life." He picked his head up so that he could look Xiao Xingchen in the eyes. There were red tears in his eyes again. Xue Yang wiped them away so he could see what he considered to be the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen. He continued speaking slowly and quietly. "I- you- I think  you taught me how to be happy and care for someone else. I've come to understand you aren't just a tool to get what I want. You showed me what it's like to be loved, and in turn, I've learned how to at least feel love."

"Xue Yang.'' Xiao Xingchen put his right hand onto Xue Yangs left. 

Xue Yang instinctively pulled his hand away from him. "Don't!" He started, but then he stopped. "Sorry, it's habit. Everyone always wants to observe it."

"Sorry, I shouldn't have touched it without asking."

"No, it's absolutely not your fault." He paused for a minute. "I trust you." He backed up and held his left hand out to Xiao Xingchen. 

Xiao Xingchen hesitantly took it. "And I trust you. But I still love you. And what happened today wasn't right. I should've reacted faster."

After a minute of their hands being joined, Xue Yang no longer minded him touching it. The dull pain it always felt seemed to go away. He smiled at Xiao Xingchen. It was a smile that conveyed all his emotions, and he knew Xiao Xingchen could read every one of them. He couldn't say that he loved Xiao Xingchen verbally, but he did love him. He hoped Xiao Xingchen knew that.

"How about we forget about it. Just promise me one thing. Don't ever fucking kiss him again! And don't let him fucking kiss you!" He leaned close to Xiao Xingchen so that their faces were only inches apart. He grabbed his chin and rubbed his thumb across his cheek. "You've committed to me now. Don't expect to ever be able to leave." He smirked. 

"I have no such intentions." Xiao Xingchens face flushed red. 

"Good," Xue Yang said. 

He closed the distance between them and planted a kiss on Xiao Xingchens lips. Xiao Xingchen immediately reacted by returning the kiss. It wasn't a long kiss but it conveyed enough.

Xiao Xingchen pulled away. "Thank you."

"For what? My amazing kissing skills. I know they're good but there's no need to be so delayed in your gratitude of the experience." Xue Yang grinned his usual playful grin.

The blush on Xiao Xingchens face grew. "No, your kissing could use some work." 

Xue Yang faked an offended look. "Well, I can't get better if I don't practice." He made a pouty face at Xiao Xingchen. 

Xiao Xingchen chuckled finding it amusing. "Maybe later. Right now, I want to tell you how greatful I am for what you did today. You didn't have to do that. I would've told Song Lan I wasn't going with him without you guys. But you made sure everyone got what they wanted. And the layout you made was perfect, at least for a small sect to form. You really didn't have to do all of that, so thank you." Xiao Xingchen hugged him tightly. "And thank you for the necklace, it's really nice quality."

"I'm glad you like both things. The sect isn't a guarantee, you still have to convince that Son of a Whore to let you have it. And when I saw the necklace, I immediately thought of you. Best part is that it was free!" Xue Yang smiled.

Xiao Xingchen seemed startled for a minute. "I'm not going to think too much on that, and I'm just going to enjoy your gift. As for the meeting, the fact that you got that far in one day is impressive, and I'm grateful for that."

"I have my ways, and don't worry, I don't owe anyone any money for the necklace." Because they're dead is what he didn't feel like adding. 

Xiao Xingchen relaxed a bit. "Ok.."

"You know, if you're going to stay with me, you're gonna have to get used to my absolutely fucked moral compass."

"I know."

"You better, or you'll be in for a rude awakening."

Xiao Xingchen hummed in acknowledgment.

Xue Yang pulled them both down so that he was laying in the lilies next to Xiao Xingchen. He crawled on top of him and just layed there. He put his head to Xiao Xingchens chest listening to his heartbeat. He grabbed the nearest chunch of Xiao Xingchens hair and and began fidgeting with it. He was tired and wanted to sleep, but he didn't want to leave the newfound warmth of Xiao Xingchen.

"Daozhang, don't leave me, ok?" His voice was weak when he spoke, he wasn't even aware of what he said until after the words left his mouth. 

"I won't. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

"Good." If Xue Yang didn't know any better, he'd say he's drunk. "Xingchen, I'm tired."

"Then go to bed, I'll carry you back later." His voice seemed softer than usual, it almost put Xue Yang into a trance-like state. 

There was a longmoment of silence with the two of them just laying there, peacefully. 

"Xiao Xingchen, I love you." That last 'I love you' came out extremely quiet but there was no mistaking what he said, and he didn't want to take it back either.

He'd been afraid to say those words, even now he was still afraid to. He was just to tired to filter his thoughts from his mouth. He wanted to say that he wanted to go back but the 'I love you' crossed his mind first. 

Xiao Xingchen froze for a minute as if processing what was said. He responded, but Xue Yang was already almost asleep at that point. He wrapped himself around Xiao Xingchen before falling asleep. 

He woke some time later on Xiao Xingchens back. He assessed that they were almost back and decided to keep resting, and thus fell back asleep. Everything could be handled in the morning. After all, they had a sect to build now. Xue Yang was now officially the one with the clearest plan, whic he found funny and almost laughed out loud at. He stopped himself not wanting to alert Xiao Xingchen that he was awake. 

Not long after waking up he was out again. He vaguely remembers being set down in a bed, and Xiao Xingchen getting in next to him.

Chapter Text

The next morning, he woke up to a loud crash outside the room. He hid himself under the blanket to try and sleep longer. He hadn't slept that well in years. It was refreshing, but now he didn't want to get up. He clung to Xiao Xingchen, trying to ignore the chaos outside the room. 

Between the noise and him moving around, Xiao Xingchen started waking up. Xue Yang pretended to be sleeping, hoping it would keep Xiao Xingchen from moving. He curled himself into Xiao Xingchen and deliberately let out a content sigh, even making sure to look as peaceful as he could when Xiao Xingchen pulled the blanket off. 

Xiao Xingchen sighed, "A-Yang..." He put a hand on Xue Yangs head. "I'm going to go see what's going on. I'll be right back."

Xiao Xingchen carefully slid out from under Xue Yang. He grabbed a pillow and put it under his head. Xue Yang wanted to complain, but something about being treated gently made him continue to pretend. Xiao Xingchen adjusted the blanket, planted a kiss on his forehead, and left.

Xue Yang vaguely recalled what happened the day prior. He realized he had left his dagger by the tree. But maybe it wasn't a big deal, considering everything else. He had something new with Xiao Xingchen, and he liked it. He loved him as much as he could understand, and he accidentally said it. But it wasn't taken with disgust. Things might finally start getting better for him.

He finally had what he always wanted. He just didn't know he wanted it until he had it. Having a normal life with a family, it was nice. He had someone who cared enough about him not to abandon him or judge him. And though it took twenty-some years to get there, he was starting to think it might've been worth it. 

Fate was something he'd stopped believing in a long time ago, but it seemed like it did exist. Every step he took and everything that happened to him indirectly led him to Xiao Xingchen, time and again. He wondered if this life would've been easier if he stopped holding grudges, not like he could do that or would. Maybe he'd try to get along with Song Lan for Xiao Xingchens sake, but not until he gets a piece of Xue Yangs mind. 

The door opened, and Xiao Xingchen quietly came in. He walked over to Xue Yang and sat down."A-Qing fell off the counter, and Song Lan panicked because he didn't know where I kept the medical supplies. The two started bickering. You're lucky you slept through that." He sighed. "Why do I bother talking to you when you're asleep?"

Xue Yang wondered why A-Qing was on the counter and if Xiao Xingchen spoke to him while he was sleeping often. This is the second time that he's heard Xiao Xingchen do this. 

He felt a hand on his head. "You look so peaceful like this. It's cute." Xiao Xingchen planted a kiss on his forehead. 

He lay down next to Xue Yang. Xue Yang felt as though Xiao Xingchen was staring at him. He pretended to wake up slowly. Once he realized,' Xiao Xingchen wasn't where he was all night. He sat up.

"Daozhang?" 

"Hm?" He paused. "Did I accidentally wake you up?"

"No." Xue Yang said, relocating himself so that he was facing Xiao Xingchen properly. "Mostly the yelling."

"How long were you awake?" Xiao Xingchens face started turning red. Xue Yang assumed it was from embarrassment of talking to someone so casually while they sleep.

"Did you do something to me while I was sleeping, Daozhang? Your face is turning red."

"No! No, I didn't."

Xue Yang crawled on top of him. He leaned close to Xiao Xingchen's ear and whispered, "Are you sure? That wasn't very convincing."

Xiao Xingchen turned red as a tomato. "Xue Yang!" Xue Yang stared at him in anticipation, but Xiao Xingchen didn't say anything else.

"Kidding. I know you wouldn't do anything. I'm giving you shit." He nipped Xiao Xingchens ear before getting up. "I'm hungry. Let's get food."

Xiao Xingchen nodded, still comprehending what had just happened. He absently followed Xue Yang out of the room. When he got into the doorway, he almost tripped over his robes. Xue Yang caught him.

"Daozhang, are you okay? You seem out of it. Was I being too much?" 

"No."

"No, you're not okay, or no, I wasn't too much?" Xue Yang asked half teasingly. 

"Both. Wait! I'm fine, it's just... I realized something while looking at your drawings. They're all brown or reddish-brown." Xiao Xingchen paused.

Fuck, Xue Yang had been using his blood to draw for so long and never bothered to care. He never thought anyone else would bother caring about him, so he did what he wanted. But, what brought this about? Xiao Xingchen seemed fine a couple minutes ago. 

"Xue Yang, what do you use to draw?" His voice was stern but Xue Yang could hear the concern in it. He wasn't sure he'd ever get used to someone genuinely worrying about him.

Xue Yang was silent which made Xiao Xingchen narrow his eyes. There wasn't any getting out of this either. But in his defense, he never had anything else to use on-hand. He used a stick and his blood. It's always been that way. Even his findings he made in Lanling were written in someone's blood. He wanted those back.

"Xue Chengmei, what do you use to draw?" He paused between each word. 

"Blood, Daozhang. I use blood. I've always used blood. Usually I don't have anything else on-hand. It works fine." Xue Yang went to walk away but Xiao Xingchen stopped him.

"Whose blood?" He questioned.

"Who's blood do you think Daozhang!" Xue Yang snapped. 

Xiao Xingchens lips thinned and he knitted his eyebrows. "Xue Yang!"

"My own fucking blood! Why the hell is it such a big fucking deal?" Xue Yang went back inside the room.

''It's a big deal because it is your blood. You're hurting yourself for no reason. Why not use ink?"

"Because I could never afford it, and by the time I started stealing I'd already been using blood." Xue Yang went over to the bed, sitting down. 

"You can afford it now." Xiao Xingchen came in and sat next to him.

"No I can't. What money do we have? Everything we get is for free, and we only get good stuff because almost everyone is terrified of me."

''Then use that to get ink."

"I'll use that I use.'' He turned to Xiao Xingchen. "I promise you, it's not hurting me."

"That's not the point."

"The point is that you don't want me hurting myself." Xue Yang understood where he was coming from. If it were the other way around, he'd be doing something similar to Xiao Xingchen. 

"Again. I don't want you hurting yourself, again. Yesterday was enough. I'm tempted to take away your weapons again." Xiao Xingchen was genuinely concerned and Xue Yang could see it clear as day on his face. 

"For your sake, I'll use fucking ink! But Daozhang, what I did yesterday was an attempt to stop myself from mass murder. It was also partially because there wasn't anyone around for me to kill. It kinda worked." Xue Yang said his voice a little unstable.

He wasn't trying to excuse his actions, and he definitely wasn't going to tell Xiao Xingchen that that wasn't his first time pulling something like that, but he at least wanted to explain himself. Though, he was doing a horrible job. 

Xiao Xingchen put his hand on Xue Yangs shoulder and looked him directly in the eyes. "Doesn't matter. I don't want you to do that. I don't want to see you hurting yourself. Take it out on me if you're frustrated or angry, not on yourself."

Xue Yang felt like slapping Xiao Xingchen. Maybe a while ago, he would've taken that offer, but now, hurting Xiao Xingchen was something he'd never consider. He shook his head. There was no way Xiao Xingchen would get him to express his anger on him in their current circumstances. 

"No. I'm not hurting you. I get violent and aggressive. I have the need to see blood spilled." His voice was stern. 

"Well, you didn't see much last night and you calmed down. You've said it before, when you're around me you have less violent tendencies and you calm down easier. So I'm telling you, take it out on me, I know you won't hurt me anymore." Xiao Xingchen faintly smiled. 

"Xingchen, I'm sure we'd both love to believe that, but I really only know how to hurt people. I mean, you almost killed yourself because of me!" Xue Yangs voice had a tinge of fear in it.

"But I didn't. You stopped me, you hurt yourself to save my life. There was so much going on at the time, and the things you said you did to me, the things you said about me, I cared for you then too. Hearing those things, it broke me. I thought we had something even then." Xiao Xingchens expression was growing sad.

"Daozhang, why dwell on that? It hurts me as much as it hurts you, but I have the feeling we should forget that. I haven't changed my opinion about you. That incident happened because I felt attacked, like I was backed into a corner, so I switched to a defensive mode. I honestly thought thar you'd kill me, I accepted it, but I still tried to defend myself and tell you my story. That's the past though. I'm still the Chengmei you knew, but now I have a name. And you're still Daozhang, but you know my name."

Xiao Xingchens expression flashed sought confusion. "If you want it in the past, why bring it up?"

"I brought it up because it's an example of why you shouldn't let me take anything out on you. I don't want to hurt you in any way, but sometimes I forget where I am and who I'm with and I say and do things I don't want to."

Xiao Xingchen sighed. "I don't care. I believe that you're less likely to hurt me than others. So please, don't hurt yourself, don't hurt others, just come to me."

He was worried what would happen if he did, but he wasn't going to win this battle, so he'd go along with it. "Fine, but don't expect your opinion of me to stay the same."

"I'd rather know the real you than only know the you you're trying to present to me. Though I have a feeling they're not much different."

He was right. Xue Yang didn't quite realize it at the time, but while he was 'acting' and pretending not to be Xue Yang, he was genuinely being himself. He was scared of it so he played it off as acting, just as he had played off his growing closeness with Xiao Xingchen for quite some time. However, he now, thanks to sone drastic events, understood what was going on with himself for these past years.

He remained silent as he looked away from Xiao Xingchen. He unconsciously stared at his growing pile of drawings. Maybe later he'd make a new one. It often helped him to understand his emotions when he drew. He just never drew anything that wasn't violent, depressing, or something along those lines.

"A-Yang, what's wrong?" Xiao Xingchen sounded concerned. 

Xue Yang was still silent, unsure of how to respond. 

"A-Yang?" Xiao Xingchen gently cupped Xue Yangs face, making him face him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing... You're right, though. I just mad excuse after excuse for everything because I didn't understand it. I never would've thought I'd actually end up here, with you, like we are. It wasn't until I drew you sleeping while I was bored that I realized how much I was wrong about my hatred, I never would've admitted it, though. Not until I thought you were going to die.

"But Daozhang, I understand now, not fully, but enough. I understand just how wrong I was and just how much I value you. You're the only one who's ever truly tried to understand me. And you're naive enough to give me chances I don't deserve, and for that, you've changed me." Xue Yang embraced Xiao Xingchen tightly. 

Xiao Xingchen returbed the hug almost as tightly as Xue Yang was hugging him. "A-Yang..." Now it was Xiao Xingchen's turn to be speechless. 

Xue Yang decided to try and lighten the mood. "I know. I'm a stalker, watching you sleep and drawing pictures to stare at later." He grinned even though Xiao Xingchen wouldn't be able to see it from where he was.

"Xue Yang! That's not what I was going to say."

"No, but you were thinking it. I mean, I have to be the worst housemate ever, taking the only room and stalking the head of the house while he sleeps." 

Xiao Xingchen chuckled, causing Xue Yang's smile to grow. "You've done worse to the head of the house than stalk him in his sleep."

Xue Yang pulked himself back so that his lips were hovering anove Xiao Xingchen's ear. "Realky? Like what?"

"You've made out with him several times." Xiao Xingchen smirked. 

"And? Maybe I want to do it again. Would the head of the house stop me? Maybe he never thought I was a bad roommate and secretly enjoyed it." Xue Yang wrapped his legs around Xiao Xingchens and tilted his chin up with one of his fingers. 

"Maybe he did, and maybe he would let you do it again if you stop referring to him as the head of the house." Xiao Xingchen smirked. 

"Nope!"

Xue Yang toppled them both over, but instead of kissing Xiao Xingchen, he sprawled out on top of him. Xiao Xingchen looked slightly betrayed and extremely startled. It made Xue Yang laugh.

"A-Yang, please get up."

"Hmmm. No. I wanna do other things. You don't want to do that though, so instead I'm going to lay here and annoy you by not moving."

Xiao Xingchens face dusted red. "A-Yang! You know as well as I, even if I wanted to, we can't. Everyone else is rright outside. And weren't you hungry?"

"I still am. But! You're comfy, so I can wait." Xue Yang rested his head on Xiao Xingchens chest.

He could fell the bump where the necklace he got Xiao Xingchen was. He faintly smiled at that. At least he wore it and didn't just set it somewhere. 

"It's your turn to cook, so you should probably get up." 

"But Daozhang!" Xue Yang rolled onto his back facing the ceiling.

At that moment A-Qing came in. She had a bandage around her head.

"Quit flirting and come make food! I'm hungry." 

"Damn, what happened to you? Finally get caught for stealing?" Xue Yang sat up pulling Xiao Xingchen up with him.

"No!" She said quickly. 

"Then what happened?" Xue Yang wanted to see if she'd actually tell him what had happened or if she'd get all defensive like normal.

"It's none of your business, psycho." She stuck her tongue out at him. 

"Can you do anything other than sticking your tongue out at me? It's so childish." He raised an eyebrow though his overall expression was disappointed.

"I am a child, what's your excuse?" She squared her shoulders. 

"I don't stick my tongue out all the time. There are better things I could be doing with it." He leaned his face close to Xiao Xingchens.

"Like what?" She tilted her head upwards, face showing disgust.

"Like use it to threaten people." He smirked at he despite her being blind. 

"Sure. I'm not an idiot. You're flirting again."

"Yeah sure. Xingchen, come help me make food" He got up.

"Alright." Xiao Xingchen followed him.

Xue Yang walked past A-Qing flicking her forehead. "Hurry up little blind."

"Hey!" She glared at him.

"What?" He turned around looking at her innocently. 

She aggressively huffed. "You know what!" With that she brushed past him.

On her way out she grabbed Xiao Xingchen's wrist and dragged him to the main area where Somg Lan was. Xue Yang tried pulling him back but A-Qing was faster than he gave her credit for. Instead he went to the kitchen. 

The first thing he did was make himself some tea using the guys tongue. Once that was prepared, he grabbed the produce basket and grabbed out a cabbage. It didn't take long for him to realize that their produce was going bad.

"Hey, Daozhang! Someone's gotta go to get more food! Most of this is bad!" Xue Yang walked into the main area holds the cabbage.

A-Qing appeared to be trying to teach Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen a game. She wasn't doing great, but they all appeared to be having fun. He smiled watching her and Xiao Xingchen. They always got along well. Sometimes, he even envied her.

Xiao Xingchen turned in his direction. He inclined his head. "It's been a bit since anyone's went out. Maybe now would be a good time to go get some."

"I agree," A-Qing said. "Daozhang and I will go!" She jumped to her feet grabbing around for Xiao Xingchens arm.

"What about Zichen and A-Yang?" Xiao Xingchen looked almost apprehensive. 

"They'll stay, we'll go. Simple." She tugged at his sleeve. 

"That's fine with me. But Little Blind isn't going out in those clothes." He summoned a dress. "I got this for you the other day. Your current one needs repairs. Go change into this and I'll wash and fix your others."

"It looks nice." Xiao Xingchen commented.

Song Lan looked dead confused. Xue Yang spared him a glare before walking over to A-Qing and placing the dress in her hands.

Ot was a soft silk usually reserved for upper class. A-Qing felt it for a moment before her face lit up. Once she realized who gave it to her, it fell again. 

"Thanks, I guess..." She said trying to sound nonchalant on the subject. 

Xue Yang smiled and ruffled her hair. She tried pulling his hands off looking annoyed. Xue Yang caved and removed his hand. He glanced in Xiao Xingchens direction to see him giving an amused smile.

"Go get changed, I'll make food with what we've got but it's still good to have fresh stuff for later." He nudged her trying to get her to go.

"Yeah yeah," she said as she went to go change.

Xiao Xingchen put his hand on Xue Yangs head. "That was nice of you. Thank you for that." He smiled. 

Xue Yang figured it wouldn't be taken all that well if either of them found out he stole it, so he decided to keep that to himself. "You don't need to thank me. I know she's grateful."

"Still, thank you." He pulled Xue Yang into a hug. 

Song Lan scuffed causing Xue Yang to send a murderous glare in his direction.

"Zichen..." Xiao Xingchen turned towards him partially letting go of Xue Yang.

"I need to have a talk with Xue Yang."

Xue Yang spoke in a mocking tone. "What, worried I'mgonna do something to your food? Or maybe you're eternally grateful to me because.. " He stopped when he felt a hand on his.

"Zichen, A-Yang, please..." Xiao Xingchen gave both of them a pleading look.

It was clear he didn't want them to argue, but that was inevitable. Song Lan barely knew anything on Xue Yang, only that he massacred a sect for a finger and massacred Baixue Temple, Song Lan's childhood home, to teach Xiao Xingchen a lesson. As for Xue Yang, he only knows what he did to Song Lan and that Song Lan finds him disgusting. There were too many misunderstandings and too much distrust for them not to fight, even verbally. 

"Xingchen, I'd like to talk to you as well about a similar topic. But you go with A-Qing, I'll make sure this villainous delinquent doesn't burn the place down."

Xue Yang flashed a toothy grin at Song Lan. "I see you think so highly of me. You know, if Xingchen is keeping me around without a tight leash, then that really must mean I'm not that bad in day-to-day life."

Song Lan opened his mouth to say some when A-Qing cane back. The dress really did suit her. He wanted to put a hassle on it to give it a little more flare but didn't have one. Maybe he could make one if he got bored. 

"That looks beautiful A-Qing," Xiao Xingchen said warmly.

"I agree." Song Lan said flatly.

Xue Yang smiled.  "See, I can pick out clothes, pretty well. Where's your other ones?"

She handed him her dresses. "I think these have holes in them." She looked a little uncertain. 

He ruffled her hair, "I'll check later. First ill go through the produce. You two have a fun trip." He went back towards the food waving a hand at them.

He turned to watch them leave. Why did he have to be left alone with Song Lan? This was going to be fucking miserable. He avoided even looking at Song Lan in hopes he wouldn't try to speak with him. At first, he wanted to give that cultivator a piece of his mind, but known Song Lan wanted to talk to him, he decided to try and ignore him. 

He went through every fruit and vegetable they had sorting out good from bad. There wasn't much for good but it'd do. He put the good produce in one basket and set it on the table. He took the other basket outside and threw the bad stuff away. 

He decided to check on the garden while he was out there. None of the vegetables were growing well, but Xue Yang had slaved away hours to make that garden to make sure they grew.

He was always amused at how excited Xiao Xingchen was when he'd go out to it and pull up something that wasn't shriveled or a weed. Right now, Xue Yang needed some of the garden's contents, so he got to work harvesting what was good. He decided to weed it a little in the process. 

Just tending to the garden made him think of Xiao Xingchen and that smile Xue Yang used to hate, but now loves to see. He remembered how reluctant he was to help with the garden and how against the idea he was. In the end, he couldn't handle how sad Xiao Xingchen looked and decided to help. Once he started working on it, it actually started to produce results. They were never great, and they still aren't, but they were usable. 

He must've completely zoned out because once he got up to go inside, he noticed a figure behind him watching him intently. Xue Yang ignored him and tried to pass. 

"So, this is why this garden is barely surviving? I'm surprised you got it to live this long." 

"Piss off." Xue Yang tried to go around him.

Song lan stopped him with his sheathed sword. "I want to talk to you. Will you let me? I have a few questions I need answers to."

"No. I don't need to answer any of your questions." Xue Yang shoved the sword away.

"How do you expect me to trust you if I don't have a reason to do so?"

It was a good question, but unfortunately for Song Lan, Xue Yang didn't give a fuck on who trusted him and who didn't. "I don't."

Song Lan was momentarily shocked, though he recovered fast. "Of course you don't. Just answer my questions."

"Will you leave me alone if I do?"

"Yes. I just need clarification."

"Fine. But don't expect elaborate answers. And we're talking inside. I've got food to make." Xue Yang pushed past him going inside. 

Song Lan followed not far behind. He set his sword down once they got in. Xue Yang, luckily, wasn't carrying his at the moment. He stared boiling water and inclined his head waiting for Song Lan to ask a question or make a comment. 

Chapter Text

"Well? We don't have all day. I've got food to make, clothes to clean and sew, and a garden that needs to be properly weeded." Xue Yang sounded agitated. "Oh, don't expect you're going to get an answer. I have no reason to tell you anything." His expression turned cold.

"Why?"

"Because I barely know you, and as far as I'm concerned, we're not on good terms." The words he spoke were as cold as his expression

"No. That's not what I'm asking. I'm asking you, why? Why didn't you kill him all these years? Why did you help him? Why go through so much trouble? Why put yourself on the line for him to have his dream? Why do all of that with him? What game are you playing at?" Song Lan appeared to be restricted himself from violence. 

That last question started to piss Xue Yang off. "What do you mean? Do I have to have an fucking ulterior motive? I'm not playing at anything!" He slammed his fist into the wall cracking it.

"Then why?"

"Why do you need to know? Are you really that worried about him? You're lucky he forgave you after the way you pushed him away! You know how distraught he was without you? How many nights I'd wake up and find him outside crying? How many times he'd ask for you on accident before remembering you weren't there?

"You really think I need to explain myself before you explain yourself?" Xue Yang continued. "I was here! You weren't. You pushed him away! You broke him! I helped him. I picked up the pieces you broke and put them together before I even knew what I was doing or how to fix myself. I let him confide in me. All those times he was upset about you, wishing you were there, hoping you'd return or asking for you after a nightmare, I was there! A-Qing was there! You were not. So why should I have to explain myself?"

Xue Yang took several steps closer to Song Lan with a threatening look on his face as he spoke. Song Lan stayed put, his face contorting into strange expressions. Xue Yang could've sworn he saw a tear fall from one of Song Lan's eyes. He stopped and just stared. Song Lan had no right to cry over something he caused. Or did he? Xue Yang forced himself to acknowledge that Song Lan, too, was a human with regrets. He fucking hated acknowledging that fact.

"I'm here now! I set out to find him not long after he left. I made a mistake, I wanted to correct it. I pushed him away because I was worried that being around me was going to hurt him more. He's impulsive. He acts without thinking. I feared that he'd keep doing that for not just me but any other survivors, so I got him away from us. It hurt both of us. I loved, and still love him, but he doesn't love me. He's so infatuated by you." Song Lan looked more sad than anything now. 

Xue Yang could do without the pity story. "Congratulations, I knew half of what you just said. But you being here now doesn't take back the last three fucking years. If he wasn't so damn attatched to you, I'd have you dead for hurting him!"

Song Lan's face darkened. "Why does that matter to you? Why?"

And they were back at square one again. Xue Yang had many answers to his many questions if he felt like beating around the bush, but he wanted this conversation over with.

He stared Song Lan dead in the eyes and said in his most convincing voice, "Because I love him." And he meant what he said. He just needed to learn how to properly express it.

Song Lan staredvat him blankly for a moment. "You what?" He looked dumbfounded.

"You heard me. I hated him for about six months after living here, then it slowed disappeared and changed. These last few months he's slowly unknowingly taught me about my own emotions, and in these last few weeks, he's helped me name and understand them." He ckenched his jaw. Why the fuck did he have to explain to Song Lan?

"I don't believe you! There has to be some other ulterior motive. You're Xue Yang. He's Xiao Xingchen. There's no way you have feelings aside from hate for him, and it's especially unlikely that he'd love you back. You've probably used your cultivation to persuade him!" Song Lan's fists clenched turning his knuckles white.

"The fuck I didn't! He'd be dead by now. What would I have to gain from keeping him around?" He didn't want to befriend Song Lan, but he didn't want to be at odds either because as long as they're at odds, Xiao Xingchen has to keep making choices.

"Lots of things!"

"Like what?"

Song Lan was silent for a moment. "For your own pleasure."

"Absolutely not! I wouldn't fucking dare! But what about you? What the fuck was that yesterday?" He narrowed his eyes at Song Lan.

"Bullshit!" Song Lan took an aggressive step towards Xue Yang.

"Answer my question! Why the fuck did you kiss him yesterday? You don't just come back and decide he's yours! He chose me! He's mine!" Xue Yang's face darkened. 

"No, he's not! He doesn't belong to anyone. Least of all you." Song Lan looked about ready to throw a punch.

"You might want to think that one over again. He's mine. He has zero issues with it, so why the fuck do you? And you still haven't answered my fucking question! I answered your useless ass questions." He lowered his voice. "Your turn."

"You left. I was there." Song Lan paused. 

Xue Yangs eye twitched. His self-restraint was about to run out. How dare Song Lan accuse him of leaving. He wanted to run him through with Jiangzai right then and there. 

"I left to fix your problem that you caused. He shouldn't have to fucking choose! I came back, not with an apology and some dumbass reason but with gifts, a solution, and a solid reason! More important, I didn'twant him out of my life!" He went to grab Jiangzai.

Song Lan narrowed his eyes at Xue Yang. Xue Yang stopped when he remembered that Fuxu was placed off to the side meaning Song Lan didn't want to severely hurt him. This was something he wanted to sort out with words. Xue Yang didn't want to be at odds with Song Lan for the sole purpose of letting Xiao Xingchen have fewer dilemmas when it comes to the two.

Xue Yang took a deep breath. "Look, I'm," he pierced his lips and paused for a moment. "I'm willing to," he stopped again, visibly struggling with his words.

Song Lan stared at him, his face agitated with a mild curiosity in his eyes as he watched Xue Yang struggle. Xue Yang saw those eyes. The ones that used to be Xiao Xingchen's and he almost broke down.

He avoided even thinking about why he would break down and instead decided to finish his sentence. "I'm willing- For Daozhang I'm willing to set- I think we should- Fuck this! This is just as bad as a fucking apology!"

Xue Yang pushed past Song Lan heading towards the door. He paused when he felt a small tug on his robes. He turned around to face Song Lan who had grabbed his robes in an attempt to stop him. Xue Yang stood there staring at him. Song fucking Lan managed to touch Xue Yang's clothes. For once, Xue Yang was dumbfounded.

"Xue Yang." Song Lan dropped his hand. He pursed his lips contemplating his next words. "If you're willing to set aside our differences, I will too. But that doesn't mean I trust you." He narrowed his eyes at Xue Yang. 

''Good." Xue Yang went back to the kitchen area. "I know this means nothing to you, coming from me, but I don't want him suffering because he's constantly having to choose between you and me. If we can at least tolerate each other, then he'll have it a little fucking easier."

He started adding ingredients to the water. There really wasn't much for ingredients. He grabbed one of his knives and cut the vegetables. Song Lan watched him intently. Xue Yang saw his face doing some strange contortions, almost like Xiao Xingchens. The two were awfully similar, though Song Lan wasn't as naive. 

"Why don't you make yourself useful and get some good seasonings picked out. Maybe something a little sweet." Xue Yang mixed the vegetables together. 

Song Lan didn't move. He only stood there, staring at nothingness. 

"Earth to Song Lan. You're being fucking weird."

Still no response. 

"Song Zichen?"

Nothing. 

"Hm?" He waved his hand in front of him. "Song Lan? The distand snow and cold frost? 

He still got no answer. Song Lan was out of it. Xue Yang clapped a few times, but when he got no results, he shrugged it off, not wanting to waste his time on Song Lan. He went back to what he was doing prior.

"...Thank you..." It was quiet, but not inaudible. 

Xue Yang turned to face Song Lan, his curiosity piqued.

"Thank you for keeping him safe and being there for him. As unfortunate as it is that it happened to be you... I still need to thank you for not killing him, keeping him out of trouble, and taking care of him..." Song Lan bowed a deep bow to Xue Yang. 

Xue Yang felt like laughing. He did his best to hold it in. Song Lan bowed to him in gratitude. What a scene! He reveled in that fact. He once dreamed that Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen would prostrate themselves at his feet in submission right before he killed them. This was the closest he could get to that, and it felt fucking amazing. 

He calmed himself knowing that they're not supposed to be enemies. "Stand up! Stop bowing!" He tried to sound agitated but a small cackle came out with his words.

He straightened up and unwrinkled his clothes.Song Lan glared at him but said nothing. His reasoning was most likely the same as Xue Yang's.

"Did you hear me a moment ago? I asked you to grab out some seasonings." Xue Yang stirred the food around.

"Why?" He paused. "....Sure.." His lips pursed again.

Song Lan pursed his lips quite a bit. It was almost starting to annoy Xue Yang at how often he did that. Not to say others didn't do it, but everything Song Lan did irritated him just a tiny bit more. 

He missed Xiao Xingchen. Maybe he'd bring back some candy from the market. Xue Yang wanted something sweet. Maybe when he gets back, he'll even be happy that he and Song Lan were getting along a little. That thought put Xue Yang back into a good mood.

He grabbed his knife and carved the fruit into different animal shapes. A-Qing got some foxes and dogs, Song Lan got dog, he carved bunnies, and birds for Xiao Xingchen. He decided to make him a few hearts as well.

Song Lan peered over him. "What are you doing?"

"Carving shapes, these are yours, these are A-Qing's, and these are Daozhang's." He gestured to each pile as he spoke.

Song Lan said nothing for a moment. "What about yours?"

"Doesn't matter. Daozhang usually brings me cand,  so I'll probably have that." He shrugged and cut the last few.

"Candy?" He sounded intrigued. 

"Yes." He wanted the questions to stop. 

"Can I ask why?" Song Lan inquired. 

"Because I like candy but never got to have any when I was younger." He hoped answering in short blunt responses, Song Lan might leave him alone.

"I see." He made a pensive expression. "Did you... Did you ever have anyone in your life who acted as a parent."

"We're not talking about this!" Xue Yang's face grew dark. "I won't talk about this with you!" He was almost certainly Song Lan was only pretending to care and simply wanted to study Xue Yang for his own purpose. 

"Alright." Song Lan went back to being silent. 

Xue Yang finished preparing the food and left it to cook. He went to their small storage area and grabbed out a needle and thread. He then grabbed A-Qing's dress, found the holes, and began to patch them. Once he was done with hers, he went to the room. Song Lan watched him intently the entire time. It was making him agitated. 

He located one of Xiao Xingchen's robes that had been bothering him. It was covered in dirt and tattered. He also grabbed the one Xiao Xingchen got stabbed in. Maybe he could do something about that one, and if not, he could use it as kindling for a fire.

He first washed the non-bloody one and hung it to dry. He used a talisman to boil the water to the right temperature. He then grabbed some of the materials he used to get blood out of his clothes. Song Lan followed him like a distant shadow the whole time, only taking breaks to keep an eye on the food.

Xue Yang scrubbed at the robes for quite a while, but the blood didn't fully come out. "Useless," he muttered, pulling tye robes out of the water. "These were his good robes..." He sighed. 

He grabbed out another talisman and used it to dry both of the robes. He preferred not to use talismans for everyday life, but sometimes they made things more efficient, so he'd use them. He mostly made them to try and expand off of Yiling Patriarch's work. He made some talismans ranging anywhere from practical everyday life, despine preffering not to use them, to making a corpse army.

He took the clean robe inside and stitched the tears in it. He made sure to get the seams that appeared weak so that the clothes would be durable enough in the event of battle. 

Song Lan went up to him again. "Why do you do this for them?"

"I don't do it for them. I do it for Daozhang. There's a difference." He stitched the last tear.

"Why? I mean, you said why, but I what changed from when you massacred my temple to now?" His voice sounded slightly hurt.

"A lot of things. Daozhang took me in and saved my life. He was the only one to ever show and treat me with genuine kindness. He took time to understand me even if he didn't know me. He was the first one to accept me even after he knew my name. He didn't demand that I pay him back for anything. He didn't make me try to do work for him. He just let me be in the kindest, gentlest way possible." A faint but genuine smile appeared on Xue Yangs face. 

He didn't feel comfortable opening up about himself to Song Lan, but since they were going to try to put aside differences, the least he could do is explain that. Song Lan wasn't really a threat anymore. He was more of an annoyance. 

Song Lan seemed taken aback by the smile. "You- you really can love someone, can't you..?" His tone was shocked but also sad.

"Only him. He's important to me. Without him, I'd quite literally be dead in a fucking ditch, which isn't horrible. Maybe if I didn't... Ah, forget it." He stood up, folding thcvn. e robes, completely missing Song Lan's change in expression. 

"...I see." Song Lan sounded pensive.

Xue Yang went into the room and set the clothes down. He came back out holding the torn, bloodstained robes. He examined them for a few minutes. He traced the intricate embroidery on them contemplating what to do with it.

He threw the robes at Song Lan. "Hold these!" 

Song Lan didn't get time to respond as Xue Yang went back into the room. He came out with another one of Xiao Xingchen's robes and a couple knives. He layed the robes flat on the ground and grabbed the one Song Lan was holding. He layed that one next to the other one.

"What are you doing? Song Lan asked, wearily. 

Xue Yang didn't respond. He cut the fabric into what he wanted it. He discarded anything he didn't want off to the side. He lined up what he did have into a particular plattern and form. 

"Xue Yang! What are you doing to Xingchen's robes?" His voice was a little distressed.

Xue Yang continued to ignore him. He pieced together the fabric to roughly form inner and outer robes. He pondered for a bit, wondering what style would look best for Xiao Xingchen. Song Lan keot pestering him though he ignored him lost in thought. 

"Maybe if I match it to his necklace... He likes black accents, maybe something free-flowing." He got up, grabbed a sheet of paoer and a stick. 

He spent two minutes looking for ink but gave up. He sat down in front of the clothes again, pricking his finger. He used the stick and his blood to draw a design.

Song Lan watched him from a distance. Hus entire perception of Xue Yang was slowly being reshaped. Xue Yang could tell, but it was best to ignore it.

A few hours later, Xue Yang had made sure the food was good and had finally finished sewing the basics together. He added the details and embroidery to it until he decided it was good. It was probably the best thing he'd ever made in such a short time. This was also probably going to be Xiao Xingchen's best outfit as of current. 

He embroidered a silver moon on each shoulder and on the chest. The one on the chest had star with it. Down the sleeves was a leaf and flower pattern. The collar and cuffs were both black. From the cuffs was a gentle looking pattern mildly resembling flames in complete black. 

He altered one of the sashes so that it had a similar silver pattern to match the sleeves with a black stripe running around the center of it so that it could tie properly. He added a ribbon to it in the hopes of finding a nice pendant to attach to it. 

Once he was fully done, Song Lan came over to him. He stared at the robes studying them. His expression softened. 

"He'll look good in those." A sad smile appeared on his face. 

"Obviously. Why would I make them look bad? He needs to go out in these." He sent a mild glare towards Song Lan. 

He was silent for a moment. "You've got talent. How long have you been doing stuff like this?"

"Whenever I need to. I made the outfit I'm wearing right now out of my older ones. When you live your entire life on the streets, unwanted, sometimes you have to pick up a kill or two to get by." He folded the robes up neatly. "And besides, this isn't the first one I've made for him. This'll just be the first one he knows about."

"I see... Why is it that you went from hating him to loving him in such a short period of time?" 

"I don't think I ever hated him. I hated that others got to have him in their life when they needed him. I did, however, hate you. Now enough with the fucking questions. Daozhang'll be back soon, so I've gotta get bowls ready. And the garden needs to be weeded."

He brought the robes into their room and set them on the bed. He crumpled the paper and hid it under his second set of robes. Once he did that he went back out into the main area and put the rest of the stuff away. He noticed that the food was already portioned out.

"You go do the garden, I'll get the rest of this together." Song Lan nonchalantly said, not looking up.

Xue Yang wanted to punch him just for doing something he was already doing, be he refrained from doing so. Instead, he stalked off toward the door. He swung it open aggressively and shut it even more so. He went to the garden and began weeding it.

He was almost done when he heard talking from the front of the house. Knowing it was Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing, he almost left the garden without finishing it. He quickly pulled the last few sections of weeds out before he rushed to the front of the homes where he saw A-Qing leading Xiao Xingchen by the wrist back to their home.

"Xingchen!" His face lit up as he ran over to them, interrupting whatever conversation they were having.

He clung to his arm and walked alongside them. He gave Xiao Xingchen a kiss on the cheek as an extra greeting.There was a silence for a few moments before Xue Yang broke it.

He spoke in and old man voice. "What took you guys so long? It's been fifty years since you left. I'm on my deathbed. The only cure is a certain Daozhang spending less Tham five hours in the market." He chuckled as they entered the house.

Xiao Xingchen burst out laughing, which startled Song Lan. His expression clearly made it ckear he rarely ever saw Xiao Xingchen laugh. Xue Yang didn't find this strange at all considering Song Lan seemed more of the type to try to disprove a joke with facts.

Xiao Xingchen turned to him returning the voice. "This Daozhang was caught up in a murderer that happened yesterday. And he had to be dragged everywhere by a lovely little girl named A-Qing who wanted everything she could hear being advertised. This Daozhang will, of course, cure you. But later."

"But if Daozhang doesn't cure me, then we're both stuck at an old age!" He feigned a distressed look.

"And how might this Daozhang go about curing you?" He raised an eyebrow. 

"I'll show you." He wrapped his arms around Xiao Xingchen's waist and rested his head on his shoulder.

Xiao Xingchen returned the hug, both of them laughing. Song Lan watched amused, though clearly still disheartened over the fact that Xiao Xingchen wasn't his anymore. A-Qing, on the other hand, made a disgusted face at them.

Xue Yang pulled away. "I'm cured! Thank you, Daozhang, for saving my life. I'll repay you later for your kind efforts." He bowed to Xiao Xingchen. 

He meant the gratitude as well. Xiao Xingchen once saved his life, and he once thanked him out of fake gratitude. It was time he meant it. Xiao Xingchen seemed to catch on but continued with their banter.

"Why, you're welcome. I look forward to seeing what you repay me with." Xiao Xingchen bowed in return. 

"Alright, enough! I'm tired and hungry," A-Qing complained. 

"Right!" Xue Yang grabbed the bowls from Song Lan. "Song Zichen and I worked together to make this out of our limited resources. Though I did most of the work." He set them down at their respective spots. "And, I decided to try a new recipe, so please, enjoy."

Xue Yang sat down at the table in his spot and began eating. They ate in silence. The food wasn't great, but it sufficed. It definitely could do with a little more spice.

"A-Yang," Xiao Xingchen said. "For the meeting with the sect leaders, is there anything I need to know?"

"We're all going. A-Qing will represent our first willing desciple. A-Qing and I are also your siblings. You knew A-Qing was your sister. That's one of the reasons you left your mountain." He set his bowl off to the side. "Then you found me in a ditch, and we finally traced back my origins, and it turns out I'm your brother. I'll wear a better disguise this time to make sure they don't catch on. Once you have a small group of deciples, it should be safe to go back to me being Xue Yang."

"I see. I'm assuming this was already the story?" Xiao Xingchen looked a little pensive. 

"Yep. It was the best way to settle this properly." Just be mindful of that son of a whore, Jin Guangyao. He'll probably oppose us."

"Did you name the sect?" Song Lan asked. 

"No. That's for you two to decide. I also figured that some of the children here in Yi City could be good candidates for deciples."

"Perhaps. The sect doesn't need to be large, though. I seriously can't thank you enough for getting us this far." Xiao Xingchen was over the moon excited about thus, and currently, it was showing. 

"Getting the meeting was the easy part. The convincing part is all up to you two."

The two nodded in understanding. Xiao Xingchen stood up and took the dishes from them. He set them into a stack and went to get water to clean them. Once he had it, he put them in to let them soak.

"A-Yang?" Xiao Xingchen turned to him.

"Hm?" He went over to him, embracing him from behind.

Xiao Xingchen lowered his voice so that Song Lan wouldn't hear them. "That guy,  today in the market. He was missing a tongue. Did you..."

"He was talking shit about you and A-Qing, so I taught him a lesson. Plus, I was going to kill him anyway."

Xiao Xingchen hummed in response, obviously thinking about something. "Next time, don't kill someone because they're being mean to me. I'll handle it myself."

Xue Yang hesitantly nodded. Why did Xiao Xingchen have to be so righteous and pure? It didn't matter. The fact that he wasn't disgusted in Xue Yang and didn't criminalize him for it was enough. He knew how to 'tame' Xue Yang properly. 

"It doesn't mean I don't appreciate you looking out for me, though." He smiled.

"Oh, Daozhang!" Xue Yang exclaimed in and attempt to change the subject. "I have something for you that I think you'll like." Xue Yang smiled brightly. "Once you're done, I wanna show you!"

"Alright. Give me a few more minutes to rub these clean and sort out the groceries." He gestured to their fresh produce.

"Ok!" Xue Yang stayed attached to his back, uncaring of whether or not it slowed Xiao Xingchen down.

Chapter Text

Xiao Xingchen finished the dishes relatively quickly, and sorting out the produce wasn't horrible. Xue Yang checked them thoroughly to make sure they were good. Xiao Xingchen just took a glance and decided if they were good or not. It didn't take long for them to finish. 

Song Lan and A-Qing were having a conversation about the political side of cultivation so that she'd be 'more prepared' as a deciple of their potential unnamed sect. Xue Yang was eternally grateful he didn't have to sit through that. Song Lan was extremely descriptive of certain things, knowing she's blind.

Once they finished with the produce, Xue Yang grabbed Xiao Xingchen's wrist and began to drag him to the room. He stopped as an idea crossed his mind. Maybe he could quickly set up an afternoon/evening for the two of them in that field. He actually quite liked the field, and no one else could bother them there.

"Is everything alright? " Xiao Xingchen asked a little concerned. 

"Wait here. I'll be back!" He went towards the door. Don't go in the room!" He went out.

"Xue Yang! What are you doing?" Xiao Xingchen called after him, concerned. 

Xue Yang kept going. He was in a good mood today and wasn't going to let it pass without doing something for Xiao Xingchen. Lately, he's found himself in a better mood, and he didn't mind it.

_________________________________

Xiao Xingchen was left staring at a door, confused. What had Xue Yang done this time? Hopefully, he wasn't headed out to kill someone. He shook that idea from his head immediately. Since the two of them have been more romantically involved, Xue Yang had been less murderous.

It was a good thing. It was also what Xiao Xingchen had hoped for but wasn't anticipating. He cared about the stranger he lived with for a while. Putting a name and face to the stranger changed some things. In the end, though, Xiao Xingchen realized that the stranger Xue Yang pretended to be, and Xue Yang himself weren't all that different. 

He still struggled with the fact that Xue Yang did all those things in the past and would most likely do so in the future. But he had come to accept it knowing that Xue Yang isn't heartless and only hurts people if they've wronged him in any way. Xiao Xingchen found that fact quite unfortunate for both parties and himself.

But if there's one thing he no longer viewed Xue Yang as, it's a disgusting monster. He understood now that no one, save for the few who truly act heartlessly out of pure enjoyment, deserve to be deemed as such. Especially if they're willing to change and can prove to be rather docile. Not to say Xue Yang himself was docile. He just wasn't as harmful as Xiao Xingchen once perceived him to be.

He recently came to the conclusion that, even if Xue Yang remained a psychotic murderer, he'd still love him. He hoped he'd proven that when they were in Lanling. Somehow, Xue Yang managed to completely override Xiao Xingchen's moral code, which is fine when it's just Xue Yang, but what about others? He can't pass fair judgment anymore because one of the worst people out there slept next to him every night, cuddling up to him. Not only did he let him, but he returned the affection. This constantly puts him on edge when put on the spot.

Part of him was also worried about Xue Yang going to this meeting. If Jin Guangyao found out, he'd hold his tongue until he was losing. If anyone else found out, there'd no doubt be a battle. Maybe if he could convince Xue Yang to stay back and come up with a valid excuse to tell everyone, he could avoid such a risk.

He went outside and found a comfortable spot where he sat down watching nature. He'd never take his eyes for granted again. He was eternally grateful towards Xue Yang for allowing him to see. He still wasn't wholly convinced that Xue Yang could see properly out of both eyes, but knowing Xue Yang, even if that were the case, he wouldn't even admit it to himself. 

Xiao Xingchen watched the grass and leaves blowing in the breeze peacefully. He watched the birds flying overhead and the animals on the ground. No matter how long he watched, it was all just so beautiful. He found he couldn't stop watching, and quite frankly, he didn't want to. This was one of the few times he got to just sit down quietly and watch his surroundings peacefully. If only Xue Yang and A-Qing were by him, like old times. 

Part of his wish came true. He must've really lost track of time because when he brought himself back to reality, Xue Yang was resting on his shoulder, silently watching nature with Xiao Xingchen. 

Xiao Xingchen smiled. This was one of the things he loved about the other man. He could be eccentric, over the top, murderous, psychotic, etc. But he was also mellow and calm. He'd be right there in a heartbeat for you if he cared. Xiao Xingchen picked up on that these last few months. He'd always find Xue Yang at his side sitting quietly, silently guiding him places, or just walking next to him. It was nice. He loved the side of Xue Yang that he got to see everyday.

He looked at Xue Yang to make sure he wasn't sleeping, which he wasn't. "A-Yang?"

"Hm? I'm ready whenever, but if you'd rather sit here and watch nature, that's fine too." He smiled reassuringly.

"No, no. A-Yang planned something, so we'll do that instead. We can do this any day." Xiao Xingchen stood up, taking Xue Yang up with him.

"Alright then." Xue Yang brushed himself off.

He proceeded to brush the dirt off of Xiao Xingchen's robes as well. It was a nice gesture, though Xiao Xingchen was almost certain Xue Yang was partially only doing this in an attempt to inappropriately touch him. Not that Xiao Xingchen was opposed to being touched in such ways. It was just strange to him.

He'd never actually learned anything more than how humans reproduce as male and female. So when he descended the mountain and met Song Lan, who preferred men as a partner, he was confused and baffled. He didn't know it was a thing to view another man in such light. He'd never particularly liked women, but he never really liked men either. 

Meeting Song Lan made him panic. Song Lan had told Xiao Xingchen, after a few years, that he had fallen in love with him. Xiao Xingchen felt close to Song Lan as well and decided to accept and reciprocate Song Lan's feelings. He didn't feel wholly complete with him, but he ignored it, assuming it was normal. Fast forward, and now he's here, with his former mortal enemy, and he fell in love with him.

This mortal enemy had broken down some of Xiao Xingchen's barriers. And likewise, Xiao Xingchen had torn down the walls Xue Yang hid himself behind. Xiao Xingchen wasn't sure how to feel about Xue Yang the first time they kissed, and was even more shocked at the fact that he enjoyed it to the point where his body had reacted. He understood now, though. 

"...Xingchen!" 

He looked up to see that his surroundings had completely changed, and he was now in the middle of the woods. Xue Yang was facing him with a concerned look on his face. He must've unconsciously followed Xue Yang to wherever they are.

"Sorry. I zoned out..." He felt horrible about zoning out. 

Xue Yang was most likely talking to him, and Xiao Xingchen probably only gave hums in response. He often did when he zoned out. Maybe he'd find a way to make it up to Xue Yang later.

"...It's fine. We're already almost there." Xue Yang started walking again. 

Xiao Xingchen followed, grabbing Xue Yang's hand. He squeezed it gently. He began walking next to him.

"Is there any way to make it up to you?" He really felt horrible about it, especially since it's been happening more often.

"Don't worry about it. It's just that kind of day. Song Zichen did that earlier, too. As long as you stay with me, there's no need."

It still didn't sit right with Xiao Xingchen, but he decided to let it be for the time being. "Alright..."

"Good, now come on. We're almost there and there's something I really want to fucking show you!" He sounded excited about the thing and it made Xiao Xingchen smile. 

"I'm coming. I'm sure I'll love whatever it is you want me to see." He smiled following Xue Yang the rest of the way. 

They came up to a familiar field of lilies with a familiar looking willow tree. Xiao Xingchen wasn't going to lie to himself, this place was beautiful and if he wasn't mistaken, Xue Yang had polished it in a sense. There was a nice pathway to the willow tree lit by the flowers themselves. He could see that the tree was also emitting some sort of blue glow. If he had to guess, Xue Yang had used some strange new talisman for the lightning.

"It's beautiful. Did you do all of this?"

"No, actually. This place must have abundant spiritual energy flowing through it or something." Xue Yang shrugged. "But hey, it adds to what I had originally planned."

"I see." 

Xue Yang led him down the pathway. This place really was beautiful. Xiao Xingchen wondered why it hadn't acted like this earlier. It seemed to only glow when the sun started to set, yet the last time they were there, it was pitch black out. Though he'd be lying if he said the place wasn't mildly Illuminated, it wasn't like this. 

"Do you have any idea why it's brighter today compared to last night?" He was genuinely curious and wanted Xue Yang's opinion about it.

"It could run on the cycles of the moon, or it could partially absorb the spiritual energy of those who visit it and emit it back out in this particular manner. Though I'm leaning towards the moon because it's full tonight and this place is all lit up." Xue Yang moved the willow branches out of the way and led Xiao Xingchen in.

"Curious." He was about to say more about the different possibilities when Xue Yang cut him off.

"So! Remember when you got stabbed?" He lightly smiled though his eyes showed a little of his pain.

What kind of question was that? "Yes.." He responded wearily. 

"Well, it ruined your robes." Xue Yang's smile grew.

"Indeed," he said, nodding in confusion. 

"Well, I fixed your issue." He handed Xiao Xingchen a pair of folded robes.

Without unfolding them, Xiao Xingchen could see the effort put into making it. He was impressed that Xue Yang had such skills. Mostly, however, he was touched. Xue Yang didn't need to do that. It honestly wasn't anywhere near necessary for him to do that, and yet, he did.

He unfolded them to see just how much work was put onto them. There was a moon on the chest and silver embroidery down the sleeves and around the sash. It was perfect. 

"I figured if you are allowed to make a sect, these could be your official robes with the crest. And if it fails, it's something that looks nice and suits you." Xue Yang smiled. 

"Thank you!" Xiao Xingchen threw himself on top of Xue Yang and wrapped his arms around him. "It's beautiful. I love it." He paused for a moment pulling back so he could see Xue Yang. "I love you."

"I..." Xue Yang started. 

He huffed in frustration. Xiao Xingchen knew what he was trying to say. He also knew that Xue Yang had a hard tune verbally expressing any positive emotions and sadness. Last night, when Xue Yang said he loved him, Xiao Xingchen was shocked that Xue Yang managed to say it, but he knew it was true. Xue Yang didn't need to say it anymore, Xiao Xingchen wasn't blind to other people's emotions, and he was no longer blind. He wasn't blind because of Xue Yang. Xiao Xingchen also came to terns with the fact that Xue Yang was never going to express his love the way others did unless it was something more physical, and he didn't mind. 

"It's fine. I know what you mean. You don't have to get frustrated about it. You express yourself fine A-Yang." Xiao Xingchen smiled, placing a hand on Xue Yang's cheek. 

"But, Daozhang, I should be able to tell you these things." Xue Yang frowed disheartened. 

Xiao Xingchen's heart melted at the sight. He didn't want Xue Yang to be sad over a couple of words. Xue Yang did so well expressing his emotions in other ways. Xiao Xingchen was proud of him for that.

"Don't worry about a couple of words. They don't matter as much as you think they do. What matters is how you feel and how I feel. The connection between us is all that matters. That connection speaks millions of unsaid words and so much more." He rubbed his thumb across Xue Yang's cheekbone with a gentle yet reassuring smile on his face. 

"Daozhang," Xue Yang started.

Xiao Xingchen could see what was the start of tears welling up in his eyes. He still couldn't understand how not a single person had shown Xue Yang genuine kindness. That's really all it took, and Xiao Xingchen happened to be the first to show him the genuine kindness, compassion, and caring that Xue Yang lacked. 

"Seriously, Xue Yang, you don't need to feel so bad about it." He planted a kiss on Xue Yang's lips.

It wasn't a long kiss or a deep one, but he hoped Xue Yang got the idea. Luckily, he did. Xiao Xingchen pulled him back into a hug. 

Once he pulled back, he smiled at Xue Yang, who gave him a small smile in return. "So, what did you have planned?"

Xue Yang led Xiao Xingchen around the tree. "Well, I went to the market and got some of Daozhang's favorite food, so I figured we could eat first. Then I want to see you in those new robes."

"Thank you again." They sat down by the food and began eating.

"Should we save some for Little Blind?" Xue Yang gestured to the food. "Considering that friend of yours can't cook."

"He's not that bad, but yeah, she'll probably prefer this to what he makes."

Xiao Xingchen didn't mind Song Lan's cooking, but it definitely wasn't the best. They discovered the other day that A-Qing didn't like it and would rather eat something Xue Yang made. Xiao Xingchen figured he could at least save some of his food for her. He smiled at the fact that Xue Yang had thought of A-Qing despite her not being around. 

"I'll have to disagree with you. His cooking is complete and utter shit." He made a disgusted face.

Xiao Xingchen chuckled, finding it mildly amusing. "Well then, we'll agree to disagree. By the way, is there any left for A-Qing?"

"Yeah, I took an extra bowl of something from the counter. I forgot to bring it back home. I set it over there." He pointed in the direction of the bowl.

"I see. I'll assume you didn't pay for it then." Not that Xiao Xingchen had much of a problem anymore, but he still felt uneasy using and eating stolen goods.

"Daozhang knows me best!" He smiled childishly. 

Xiao Xingchen wanted to tell him not to steal, but for all Xue Yang had done, stealing was so minimal that he wasn't going to touch on it. Besides, he was learning, not necessarily to become blind to Xue Yang's crimes, but to at least understand why he did it before passing judgment. And he'd be going back on his own words if he tried to scold Xue Yang, so in the end he didn't, instead he smiled.

"It seems I do." He finished his food. "Thanks again for doing this."

"I wanted to spend time with you and the other two make it so fucking difficult." He crawled over to Xiao Xingchen as he spoke and nuzzled up against him.

Xiao Xingchen wrapped his arms around Xue Yang. He would've never pegged Xue Yang as clingy had he not decided to be romantically involved. He honestly wouldn't have even considered the fact that Xue Yang could feel anything remotely close to love, yet here they were. It bothered him that he'd failed to see Xue Yang as human or an equal for so long and that it took Xue Yang lying about his identity for him to see it. But as of these last two days, whatever lingering doubt he'd had about Xue Yang was gone.

"I want you to know that I'm not going to leave you, and right now, you have my undivided attention." He pulled Xue Yang onto his lap. "What do you want to do?"

"Well, first, I want you to try on the robes I made for you to see how well they fit." He continued in a seductive voice, tugging at the collar of Xiao Xingchen's robes. "Then, I want to remove them from you layer by layer." He spoke with a smirk plastered on his face. 

Xiao Xingchen felt his face heat up. "X-Xue Yang!" He should've expected such an outcome, but it still caught him off guard. 

"Or, Xue Yang continued, fiddling with the tie on Xiao Xingchen's sash. "I could remove these ones for you instead, if you'd like." He put his mouth right next to Xiao Xingchen's ear. "They might get a little dirty if I don't~"

Xiao Xingchen had to look like a tomato at this point. "W-we can't!"

He was panicking. Not about having sex with Xue Yang, but about the fact that he's never had sex with anyone. He was almost completely clueless when it came to two men. 

"Why not? We're alone. Everything is out in the open, which means no secrets. You asked what I wanted to do, this is my answer."

"We can't," Xiao Xingchen repeated. 

He'd be lying if he said he didn't want to. But he'd also be lying if he said he wanted to being taught the way he was. He was extremely conflicted and was too embarrassed to tell Xue Yang that the only reason he didn't want to was because he didn't know how. He knew how to flirt, that's it.

"It's fine if Daozhang doesn't want to. We can wait as long as you need." He smiled reassuringly. 

Xiao Xingchen sighed a breath of relief. "I'm sorry."

Xue Yang looked taking aback. "Why the fuck are you sorry?"

He shouldn't have said that. Now he'd have to explain himself. He was more embarrassed than he should be about it. That's not the only issue. While he was studying under Baoshan Sanren, he was taught that one should be properly married and absolutely certain that their partner is who they want. Once they had sex they had to be bound forever. That ideal was drilled into him so much when he reached his teen years. It'd just become normal for him to the point he forgot how much it was drilled into him. He also wasn't allowed to have any sort of self-pleasure without proper reason.

But then again, they'd already had some sexual interaction and despite how terrified Xiao Xingchen was, just that little bit was enough to make him want more. He sometimes found his mind drifting to places it shouldn't because of that one time.

"You want to, and I keep telling you no for stupid reasons." He looked downward, knowing that despite his objections, he wanted it too, at least a little. 

"What stupid reasons? If it's stopping you, it's not stupid." Xue Yang looked so genuine while speaking it hurt Xiao Xingchen a little. 

"Just drop it for now, ok?" He didn't want to dwell on this matter. He was too embarrassed.

"Fine.."

"Do you want me to try the new robes on?"

Xue Yang nodded. "Yes. They should fit. Once they're on, I might have to make adjustments. 

"Alright, I'll try them on. They look gorgeous." He stood up,  grabbing the robes.

Xue Yang turned around so that Xiao Xingchen had some privacy. Xiao Xingchen smiled at that. He did appreciate that Xue Yang tried to be considerate to him.

He quickly put the robes on. "Alright, close your eyes and turn around."

Xue Yang did as told. Xiao Xingchen quietly went over to him, hoping he wasn't heard. He lunged at Xue Yang, wrapping his arms around him tightly. He kissed him passionately, which Xue Yang returned. 

Xiao Xingchen pulled back. Xue Yang chased his lips, wanting more. Xiao Xingchen wanted Xue Yang to fit the robes properly. They were comfortable and fit well for the most part. The skirt was just a little long.

"Daozhang!" Xue Yang complained. 

"You said you were going to figure out the adjustments."

''Yeah, yeah. I'll do that." He got up. "It really suits you. If it works and you guys start a sect, I can make the first few desciple robes, too, though Daozhang will have to find a way to pay me." He positioned Xiao Xingchen so that he could work easier. 

"You don't have to. I appreciate the offer, though."

He felt as though letting Xue Yang make more was forcing him to do extra unnecessary labor. He didn't want to do that. He knew Xue Yang's definition of 'paying him' at least wasn't the hard part. All he had to do was give him a little extra attention. 

"Just think on it for a bit. We've got plenty of damn time." He pinned up the skirt so that Xiao Xingchen could move properly. 

"Fine, I'll think on it."

Maybe it wasn't a bad idea, but he didn't want to put too much work on Xue Yang. He studied the outfit closely. He wondered where Xue Yang had learned to do this. He noticed that it made his necklace pop out a little bit. Did Xue Yang really design a whole outfit based on one necklace? 

"Good." Xue Yang backed up studying the outfit. "I think that's really all that'll need adjustments. You're good otherwise."

"Thank you, A-Yang, I really appreciate this, and I'm grateful that you put this much effort into it." Xiao Xingchen moved closer to Xue Yang as he spoke.

He captured him in another tight embrace. Xue Yang hugged back with equal force. Xiao Xingchen cherished these moments, knowing that he's lucky to have this side of Xue Yang. He already knew how fragile Xue Yang is when it comes to love and kindness, so he cherished the fact that Xue Yang gave all of his to him. 

"You're welcome, my Xiao-Xing." Xue Yang said, burying his face in the crook of Xiao Xingchen's neck.

Xiao Xingchen felt his face heat up. That was definitely a new name. He didn't hate it. He'd have to get used to it, but he didn't hate it. No one's ever addressed him in such a way, he definitly needed to adjust to it. He understood where Xue Yang got the idea from, and he honestly quite liked the word play on his name.

He pulled Xue Yang over to the tree and sat down. Xue Yang followed suit, placing himself comfortably on Xiao Xingchen's lap. He placed his head on Xue Yang's shoulder resting his eyes.

"Is my Xiao-Xing tired? Do you want to go back?" Xue Yang turned so he was able to see Xiao Xingchen. 

"No. I want you to tell me a story."

"What kind of story?"

"A story about you. Let me understand you better. What got you making clothes?"

"There's not much to it. I didn't have much for clothes, so I collected scraps, stole materials, and begged for some. I threw them together and made myself clothes. When I outgrew them, I took them apart and made new ones. I learned to draw the design I wanted before making it."

It was admirable that he managed that. He really was resourceful and clever. If things played out differently, Xiao Xingchen figured he, Xue Yang, and Song Lan would've been a trio. Deciding not to dwell on it, he adjusted them so that they were lying down.

Xiao Xingchen spoke while fidgeting with Xue Yang's hair, which was extremely soft. "You're a very clever, resourceful, talented, handsome man, Xue Yang." 

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" This made Xiao Xingchen chuckle. "Does Daozhang wish it were different?" 

Xue Yang turned over so that he was facing Xiao Xingchen. He trapped one of Xiao Xingchen's legs in his, hanging his face inches away from Xiao Xingchen's. His knee applied a slight pressure to Xiao Xingchen's groin. When he realized he pulled away, though, Xiao Xingchen was already starting to get an erection.

"This Daozhang does not. This Daozhang finds you handsome and cute, and he simply has one favor to ask at this current moment." Xiao Xingchen smirked.

"Oh? And what might this favor be?"

His face started heating up. "Well, I think these clothes might look a little better with some minor adjustment."

"What type of adjustments?" Xue Yang was only centimeters away from Xiao Xingchen now.

"I think they'd look a little better if you removed them layer by layer from me." He put his arms around Xue Yang's neck.

"Daozhang! I thought you didn't want to."

"I did- I do but I'm clueless..." He felt embarrassed at having to say that simple fact.

Xue Yang laughed. "Is that why you keep saying no?"

"Not entirely, but today, yes."

"Well then, we'll have to fix that, won't we?"

Xue Yang closed the distance between them capturing Xiao Xingchen's lips. He sucked and nibbled on his lower lip. Xiao Xingchens made a small whimpering noise in return. 

Xue Yang then began to lick his lower lip as if asking for him to let him in and Xiao Xingchen did. He opened his mouth allowing Xue Yang's tongue in. It explored his mouth for a bit before he began to suck on it.

While that was happening he could feel Xue Yang begin to untie his sash. When it was off, Xue Yang threw it to the side. He then briskly removed Xiao Xingchen's outer robes with an eagerness similar to that of a child receiving candy.

Meanwhile, their tongues were now in a battle for dominance while the sporadically gasped for air. Xue Yang was winning buy backed off letting Xiao Xingchen into his mouth. Xiao Xingchen explored every crevice of his mouth taking in its sweet taste. 

Xue Yang began sucking on Xiao Xingchen's tongue wile removing He inner robes. Xiao Xingchen moaned. He felt Xue Yang smirk at the sound of it. 

Xue Yang discarded Xiao Xingchen's inner robes leaving his upper half bare, only leaving his pants and boots. Xue Yang then pulled back, removing his own clothes so that his upper half was also bare.

Xiao Xingchen knew his old wounds would scar. He wasn't expecting the scars to be as bad as they were. He reached out to trace a darker one that went from Xue Yang's shoulder to his chest.

Xue Yang flinched causing Xiao Xingchen to stop mid-movement. Maybe he shouldn't have moved so fast. It's not like he was given permission to touch him.

"Sorry.." He said lowering his head and arm.

"Don't be sorry! It's alright if you touch me. It's just reflex. If anything I should be apologizing." He grabbed Xiao Xingchen's recently dropped hand lifting it up.

Xiao Xingchen noticed that he wasn't wearing his glove. He was about to say something when Xiao Xingchen felt his hand being placed over one of the scars on Xue Yang's chest. The skin was a little bumpy where the scar was but mostly soft.

''See Daozhang, it's alright." He smiled reassuringly at Xiao Xingchen. "Now, let's do something about those clothes down there."

Xiao Xingchen was almost certain his face flushed red as a tomato. He watched as Xue Yang removed his boots, tossed them aside, then slowly undid Xiao Xingchen's pants pulling them down to reveal Xiao Xingchen's almost fully erect member. Xue Yang tossed the pants away and then swiftly removed the rest of his own clothes.

Xiao Xingchen saw a giant scar going down Xue Yang's leg. He remembered having to treat it and was glad it healed well enough. Most of his scars were at least faded.

He was brought out of his thoughts when he felt something warm and wet on his cock. He looked to see Xue Yang licking up his shaft. He shuddered at the sensation. 

"A-A-Yang!"

Was this proper? Surely not. Didn't matter, he liked it, it felt strange, but he liked it, and so did his body. They'd barely started and he was already enjoying himself too much. 

He could feel his,ercetion grow as Xue Yang took the head into his mouth. He sucked and licked causing Xiao Xingchento moan loudly. He was a little surprised at the sound that came out of his own mouth.

Xue Yang must've seen his expression. "Am I really that good my Xiao-Xing? I've barely started." He paused. "If at any point you want to stop, don't be shy to tell me."

Xiao Xingchen nodded. "Ok." Xue Yang was being more cinsiderate than Xiao Xingchen would've expected.

After that, XueYang didn't miss a beat after Xiao Xingchen said it was fine. He took the entirety of Xiao Xingchen's cock into his mouth. Xiao Xingchen felt his cock twitch as he let out more pleasure sounds.

He wasn't sure what Xue Yang was doing with his mouth and teeth, but he absolutely loved it. And then, he panicked. He was about to reach his climax, but it felt good. He clenched his fists in response to this semi new sensation. 

"A-A-Yang I-I'm-Ahh~!" Xiao Xingchen released into Xue Yang's mouth.

___________________________________

Xue Yang was sucking mildly aggressively on Xiao Xingchen's dick. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't surprised at Xiao Xingchen's decision to do this. He was eager to do this. There was one point in their first year that seducing him as revenge crossed his mind, but he decided against it. Now he was here, enjoying a wonderful moment.

He probably wasn't going to do much more than thos unless Xiao Xingchen says otherwise.  He's not anticipating much interaction from Xiao Xingchen as it's pretty much his first time. Buy being able to hear Xiao Xingchen enjoying it brings some satisfaction to him and is slowly making him more aroused. 

He used his tongue and teeth to massage Xiao Xingchen's dick. He could taste the  He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, but he'd seen, heard, and read enough to know what to do and how to make it good. Xiao Xingchen's cock twitched in his mouth indicating he was about to come. 

"A-A-Yang I-I'm-Ahh~!" Xiao Xingchen released his sweet fluids into Xue Yang's mouth.

his expression showed that he didn't think this was how it was supposed to work but also that he was at the peak of pleasure. He loved hearing Xiao Xingchen's beautiful moans. Xue Yang swallowed everything, save for what initially didn't fit in his mouth. He pulled away and smirked at Xiao Xingchen. 

"Don't worry, my Xiao-Xing, it's perfectly fine." He went down to use his tongue to clean Xiao Xingchen's cock.

"Wait." Xiao Xingchen grabbed Xue Yang's chin.

"Hm? Is something wrong? Is this too much?"

He really wanted to keep going. He wanted to bring Xiao Xingchen to his breaking point. But he didn't want to lose Xiao Xingchen, so if he had to hold back, he would.

"No, just," he used his thumbs to clear what was dripping down Xue Yang's face. "You're a little messy."

"But now Daozhang is messy." He grabbed Xiao Xingchen's wrist, pulling his hand towards his mouth. "Let me clean that for you." He licked Xiao Xingchen's finger clean. "Still as sweet as before. Daozhang, you have the best candy I've ever tasted~"

Xiao Xingchen's face flushed a bright red. Xue Yang's smirk grew as he went down and cleaned off Xiao Xingchen's dick with his tongue.

"Alright, my Xiao-Xing, you're all clean. What would you like now?" Xue Yang sat up mildly straddling him. 

His erect member brushed up against Xiao Xingchen. He tried to keep it off not intending to go any farther with Xiao Xingchen. He wanted Xiao Xingchen to be properly comfortable with what was going on. This was just testing the waters.

Xiao Xingchen hesitated before looking down toward Xue Yang's own cock. "Can-can I..." He trailed off.

"You want to try? I'm all yours, do as you please." He moved so that he was in better reach of Xiao Xingchen. 

Xiao Xingchen hesitantly grabbed Xue Yang's hard cock. He didn't see to know what to do from there. Xue Yang watched him for a moment as the wheels in his brain seemed to turn.

"Don't over think it. Here, I'll help." He trust himself forward so that Xiao Xingchen's hand was at the bottom of the shaft. "Just do that, it'll work. You don't have to do what I did."

"Ok.." He slowly moved his hand up and down.

Xue Yang let him do as he pleased. Xiao Xingchen found rhythm and continued with it. Xue Yang made noises of pleasure at the feeling of Xiao Xingchen's hands on him in such a way.

What he wasn't expecting was for Xiao Xingchen to use his mouth. It felt incredibly good to have his mouth around his cock. He figured he'd let Xiao Xingchen experiment a little bit before he did anything. 

Xiao Xingchen mostly just sucked, swirling his tongue around a couple times. Xue Yang enjoyed it, loved it even. It just wasn't going fast enough and he was so close to finishing. 

He thrust his hips so that he was going in and out of Xiao Xingchen's mouth. "Xiao-Xing, can you do that with your mouth?" 

Xiao Xingchen lightly nodded doing as instructed. He did so for a couple of minutes. Xue Yang was holding himself back a little just to take in this moment. There may not be any more like it to come, if Xiao Xingchen will ultimately decide that he doesn't like this. Xue Yang was fine with either, he just preferred to have the option to fuck Xiao Xingchen senseless. 

"Hey Daozhang, you're mine now. No one else's, got it." Xue Yang tangled his hand in Xiao Xingchen's hair to help him.

Xiao Xingchen nodded. He was doing significantly better with XueYang's help. Xue Yang thrust his hips as well. 

"Fuck! Daozhang! Ah~! Brace yourself!" 

Xiao Xingchen panicked for a moment before relaxing as Xue Yang came into his throat and mouth. His face was red from what Xue Yang assumed was mostly embarrassment. 

Xiao Xingchen pulled back from Xue Yang. He still had some of Xue Yang's cum in his mouth. He swallowed it cautiously.

"Fuck, Daozhang, that was good for your first time." It really wasn't all that great, but he figured Xiao Xingchen would feel more confident thinking it was.

"Thank you." Was all Xiao Xingchen said. 

"No need to thank my compliments." Xue Yang plopped himself on top of Xiao Xingchen.

"No. Thank you for letting me experience that. And don't think I'm only thanking you either. I love you, and I'm grateful everyday I wake up with you next to me." He ssmiledat Xue Yang.

"Me too. I never would've considered that one day we'd be in this type of relationship. I really fucking wanted you though. I just never realized. Now I've got you and I'm never going to let you go. I- I love you Xiao Xingchen." 

He felt Xiao Xingchen's arms wrap around him. "I hope you never do." His voice was tired.

If Xue Yang had to guess it was around their bedtime. He was silent for a bit until Xiao Xingchen fell asleep. He somehow looked even more innocent sleeping than he did awake.

Xue Yang let him rest there for and hour before trying to wake him up. "Daozhang?" He said, poking Xiao Xingchen's face. 

Xiao Xingchen opened his eyes looking at him. "Hm?"

"Time to get up. It's late and we still need to bathe." Xue Yang sat up. "Usually, I'd love to stay but I don't want you getting sick."

"I'll be fine A-Yang." He reached to the side of them and grabbed his outer robe. He draped it over the both of them. "See, fine. Now let me sleep. I'm tired." He rolled them onto their sides and hurried his face in Xue Yang's neck. 

"Fine." Xue Yang stroked his hair until Xiao Xingchen was asleep. 

Xue Yang adjusted the robe so that it was covering them better. "Goodnight, my Xiao-Xing." Then the next thing Xue Yang knew, he was asleep too.

Chapter Text

Xue Yang woke up the next morning to the feeling of grass all around him. He heard rustling from off to the side and turned to see Xiao Xingchen, now fully dressed in his regular clothes, folding up his new ones. He noticed that he had his own clothes on as well, indicating that Xiao Xingchen had probably dressed him.

"Daozhang?" Xue Yang sat up.

"You're up?" Xiao Xingchen turned to look at him.

"No, I'm sleep talking. See, I'm still fully asleep." He plopped back down, pretending to sleep.

Xiao Xingchen chuckled. "Well then, I'll have to leave A-Yang here for a while. A-Qing is probably starving."

"What time is it?" 

"Almost mid-day. I got some water, cleaned us both, dressed myself, and then I dressed you."

If Xiao Xingchen was experienced in carefully dressing Xue Yang while he was blind, he had to be ten times more efficient now that he could see. And he was. Xue Yang didn't come close to waking up.

"Right, they exist." He sat up again.

Xiao Xingchen chuckled, clearly finding what Xue Yang said amusing, funny, or both. "Have too much fun last night, A-Yang? Forget that there's a house with people?" He smiled a honey-like smile at Xue Yang.

Xue Yang absolutely loved that particular smile. He rarely got to see it, but when he did, it did things to him. He's fairly certain that that's the smile that started making him confused about his intentions towards Xiao Xingchen in the first place. 

"Maybe I did, but I'm not the only one to blame. I bet A-Qing's food is probably cold after sitting out all night. Maybe we should save that for dinner so we can warm it up with the fire. On the way back, we'll detour to the market and get her something nice. After that, we need to depart for your meeting tomorrow."

"Oh yeah!" He looked as though he forgot about that. "Sure, we'll get her something there." He picked up his other clothes.

"Daozhang, hand them here. I'll handle them." He held out a hand for them.

"Alright." Xiao Xingchen handed them over to Xue Yang.

Xue Yang took them and put a talisman on top of them. They shrank down to pocket size. He put them in a pouch he carried with him.

"There, easy." He did the same to A-Qing's food. "There, now it's not as much of a hassle, is it?"

"Those talismans of yours are quite useful."

"Most of the ideas came from the Yiling Patriarch, though I've made some of my own as well. They're useful."

"I see. Can you make them for anything?"

"Pretty much. As long as I have enough time to actually work on it. Most of these I came up with in Lanling while I was their guest cultivator. I did a lot of things in Lanling now that I think about it. I made a corpse army, talismans, helped Jin Guangyao cover his tracks, fixed the Tiger Tally, got rid of Jin Guangyao's enemies, helped him reach power, massacred the Chang Clan, and almost died. Oh, and I met you for the first time. Damn, I hated you two so much back then. Good thing I don't now, right?"

Xiao Xingchen was silent for a minute, only nodding. "I'm glad you don't, but let's not dwell too much on the past."

Xiao Xingchen was probably still having a hard time accepting that Xue Yang had done all of that and more. He'll say he's fine with Xue Yang, but sometimes Xue Yang got the feeling that Xiao Xingchen was still struggling morally with everything. It's not like Xue Yang isn't trying to be at least a little better for Xiao Xingchen. It's just hard to change so much. He knew Xiao Xingchen knew that as well, and that's why he chose to accept Xue Yang instead of changing him.

"Ah, alright. Why don't we get going then? The longer we chat, the more time passes." Xue Yang put his arm around Xiao Xingchen as he started to walk.

Xiao Xingchen  smiled at him. "Thank you again, A-Yang. This was nice. We should do this again, but next time, don't just run off on me." 

"I won't. It crossed my mind right as I was going to give you your gift. Plus, you had fun anyway, and you got the best robes in the world." Xue Yang gave Xiao Xingchen a huge grin.

"Can't lie, they're great. You're talented." He smiled.

"So are you. You were weaving perfectly good baskets, using swords and knives, cooking, and so much more, all while you were blind. I was quite fond of you for that. That fondness grew. Significantly. "

Opening up to Xiao Xingchen was becoming easier by the day. He didn't understand exactly why it was easier, just that it was. He dropped his guard a little, and suddenly, he realized how kind Xiao Xingchen was and that his own emotions were far more complicated than he'd thought. He was doing a pretty good job at identifying them as of late. 

"We're both talented in different things."

"Daozhang! We should combine those talents and set up a small shop in the market. If you get your sect, I'll run it, and you can handle whatever you need to."

"While that's not a bad idea, you're probably going to be a part of the sect considering you're technically the founder."

"Me?" He pointed to himself expression laced with disbelief. 

Xiao Xingchenb spoke cautiously. "Yes. Maybe, and this is a heavy Maybe, but you could take on a couple students who'd be apt for demonic cultivation. You'd have to scout them out yourself, and no one would really be allowed to know that's what you're doing, but it's a thought."

Xue Yang's face lit up. "That sounds fun. I'd at least have some use."

"You have use Xue Yang." He stopped contemplating something. "Maybe you should sit this meeting out."

"Why?" Xue Yang could think of several reasons why, but that wasn't going to stop him from asking or going.

"Because I'm worried about you. Jin Guangyao will be there. Knowing your luck, he'll recognize you and thus have us fail."

He'd actually thought a tiny bit on that. There's several ways to avoid that. The cultivation world is now completely aware he's not dead, so he'd have everyone's target on his back. If Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan were to turn him in, it'd help them significantly. The only two cultivators that knew Xiao Xingchen didn't actually want him dead were Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng. One would accuse him of being the Yiling Patriarch before actually being Xue Yang, and the other is technically working with them.

"Simple fix. Turn me in as proof that you guys deserve to have a sect and deciples. I'll make sure to escape. If they try to kill me on the spot, I'll use a talisman to escape. I can make one for that particular purpose if need be. But I'll need you to keep something important safe for me if we do that."

"We're not doing that. It's too dangerous." His voice was something akin to anger though Xue Yang could tell it was more distressed. 

"It'll be the easiest way for you to succeed. Plus, everyone has a target on me. If you bring me in, they'll deem you respectable and worthy. And of course, there's two people who know we're not enemies but they won't be issues. I can assure you I can escape, and if I need to, I'll even fake my own death." He put his hand to his chin as though he was thinking. 

"Xue Yang!" He took a breath, his expression turning grim. "I understand where you're coming from, but this idea is horrible. What if you actually get hurt or killed." 

He made a pouty face, placing his head on Xiao Xingchen's shoulder. "Daozhang," he said, elongating the word. "I survived this long. Ironically, you're the reason for that. This won't be the worst situation I've been in. If anything, this would be more mild." He picked up a strand of Xiao Xingchen's hair fidgeting with it. "If I don't want to die, I won't. Plus, I have a home to come back to now, so I'll surely be fine."

"That doesn't make it any less dangerous." He glanced at Xue Yang, worry written on his face.

"Yeah, well, you courting me doesn't make me, or living with me any less dangerous, yet here we are. I could snap at any minute and kill every living soul in this town, but you still choose to keep me." He poked Xiao Xingchen's cheek playfully.

Xiao Xingchen was struck silent for a minute, his lips pursing together. "If. If we do this, do you have a plan if things go south."

"Of course," he lied. "But you're not going to know because it might mess things up."

He frowed. "You're only saying that to make me feel better." 

Xue Yang waved his hand in the air. "No. Why would I do that. Of course, I have a plan. It's really just that if you know it, it could go wrong. Safety, Daozhang, safety."

"Alright... But if I find out you don't have a plan, I may have to take drastic measures." 

"Like what?"

"I'd have to go and fight everyone else if that's the case." His fist clenched and unclenched as he spoke.

Xue Yang had a feeling Xiao Xingchen didn't want to do that at all. And being forced to because of Xue Yang would be even worse. But he smiled despite that because the fucking Xiao Xingchen would fight the cultivation world for him.

"It won't come to that Daozhang. I promise. I don't want to make you abandon your own ideals and values for fucking delinquent like me."

"I'm not. And don't be so harsh on yourself. If I chose you over them, that's my choice. I can survive without having their support."

"But Daozhang-!"

"It's a dangerous idea, but it could work. If it goes wrong and I decide to intervene, that doesn't fall on you. Ok?"

Xue Yang nodded. "Alright."

He didn't believe that Xiao Xingchen actually meant that. Xiao Xingchen was most likely trying to convince himself that it wasn't somehow Xue Yang's fault. After all, this was Xue Yang's plan.

"We'll try it. One thing, I know there will be people there who you have something against. Please refrain from killing them. Say whatever, wave your sword around, just don't kill anyone." His expression grew more serious, and for some reason, it almost intimidad Xue Yang.

"Alright, alright, I won't. Hopefully I'll stay bound the whole time, right?" He cocked his head to the side, smirk plastered to his face.

"Don't sound so excited about it. What if they manage to kill you?"

Xue Yang could head the worry in his voice. So what if he died though. The world keeps going, and maybe he wouldn't be weighd down by so much hatred. It wasn't as bad in Yi City. He felt like he could even move on from it, especially now that he was courting Xiao Xingchen who happened to be his main target after the Changs. But still, death wasn't a bad thing, of course he'd do hus best to preserve himself but if he couldn't win, at least he'd go on his own will.

"So what? I die, I die. I live, I live. I'd never choose to die, but if it happens, it happens." He shrugged. 

Xiao Xingchen's face darkened. Though if Xue Yang looked hard enough, he could see traces of what he assumed was some form of sadness. Maybe even concern.

''Daozhang?" Xue Yang was a little worried about how quickly Xiao Xingchen's mood changed. "Did I say or do something wrong?"

Xiao Xingchen looked at him with a mostly sad expression. He was quiet for almost a minute, obviously mulling something over in his head. He then grabbed Xue Yang's hand squeezing it tightly. 

"...No, you didn't... It can't be helped that you think that way.."

Xue Yang glanced over his face to see a trace of something red slowly starting to fall down his cheek. Can't be helped that Xue Yang couldn't properly recover Xiao Xingchen's tear ducts. Why was he crying though? 

"What do you mean? What's wrong?" Xue Yang's expression expressed all the confusion he was feeling. 

Xiao Xingchen took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a moment before looking Xue Yang in the eye. "...It-you shouldn't think that way. You act as though you're unworthy. I understand why you'd think that way, but it hurts me knowing you think that way. You're life is worth something, and I know you know that, but you also don't care and you should."

He got it now. Xiao Xingchen thought he viewed his life as worthless, he kind of did, but not to a grand extent. He was the only thing worth keeping alive in this world. Or at least he was, now he had to account for Xiao Xingchen too. 

"Xingchen, I care plenty about my life. If someone takes an attempt at it, they'll be the ones dead if I can help it. If I can't fight back, I'll wait until I can then, I'll give them what they deserve. But if it comes to your dream, it's better if I die and you live. I won't die my Xiao-Xing, don't worry." He wiped Xiao Xingchen's tear.

"You- Nevermind. We should head back." He went to go in the other direction. 

Xue Yang pulled Xiao Xingchen back towards himself as gently as possible with their still joined hands. "Daozhang, A-Qing's food?" 

"Right..." He continued back in the direction they were going. 

Xue Yang could still tell something was off. "Daozhang, if I did something wrong, please tell me. What's bothering you?"

"You really didn't do anything wrong. It just hurts to hear that someone I care so deeply about doesn't care if they die, or at least makes it sound that way."

Xue Yang knew that stood for almost any person Xiao Xingchen met. But then, if he cared a great deal about strangers, how much more would it bother him if someone who was actually close to him fucking said something like that. Xiao Xingchen would be extra emotional and far more hurt than normal. This had never crossed Xue Yangs mind until just now. How the fuck had he never fully considered Xiao Xingchen's emotions? 

"Daozhang, I'm sorry, but I won't throw away my life carelessly. You and I both know this." He pulled Xiao Xingchen into a hug. "It wouldn't be bad to die as happy as I am right now. But don't worry, I won't because then I wouldn't have you."

"Nor would I have you." He remained where he was only tightening his grip. "A-Yang, please don't talk like that again, and try not to think like that. It worries me. Jokes are fine, but please, try not to be serious."

"Alright Daozhang, I won't."

To Xue Yang, this conversation was pointless. It really is as simple as you live, you live, you die, you die. Why the hell was this affecting Xiao Xingchen so much? He wanted to know but he felt as though asking might cause further issues, so instead, he decided to take the route of reassurance and comfort. Maybe one day he'd understand what the fuck was going through Xiao Xingchen's head. He assumed something similar to the reaction Xue Yang had when Xiao Xingchen had sacrificed himself for Xue Yang, but he couldn't be sure.

"Good. Great. Thank you.'' He pulled away from the hug.

Xue Yang stopped him before they could fully separate. "Daozhang," he started before pulling Xiao Xingchen towards himself again. "You know I'll never leave you, right?"

"..Yes, I do." He stroked the back of Xue Yang's head. "And I hope you never do, because I won't either.

"Good, wonderful. Wouldn't want to turn you into a fierce corpse to keep you around. That'd be disappointing." He pressed their lips together momentarily before finally letting go of him. 

Xiao Xingchen looked concerned at what he said. His lips pursed and his eyes shown worry.

"Don't worry Daozhang, I'm only joking. I'd never do that to you." It was half truth, but Xiao Xingchen didn't need to know that. "You're too valuable for that."

Xiao Xingchen was still silent. 

"Hey, we're almost to the market." He gestured in the directionthwy were going. "What do you suppose A-Qing will want?" 

"Something that isn't bland but also isn't spicy," He stated plainly.

"You forgot, if I make it it's automatically poisoned. So she won't take that," Xue Yang joked.

Xiao Xingchen smiled, whoch was something. "Well then it's a good thing you aren't the one cooking it."

They neared the city as they spoke. People were wondering the streets engaging in conversations, or bargaining with the shop owners. Children were playing together or eyeing certain shops. Some were pretending to be cultivators fighting monsters. They were all carrying sticks and using them as swords.

Xue Yang glanced at Xiao Xingchen, who was smiling fondly at the kids. Xiao Xingchen seemed to enjoy seeing these types of things. Xue Yang didn't quite get why, but if Xiao Xingchen liked it, it couldn't be that bad. 

"Xue Yang?" Xiao Xingchen questioned now facing Xue Yang, eyes filled with a different type of fondness. 

Xue Yang realized he'd been staring at Xiao Xingchen for an unknown period of time as they were now fully immersed in the chaos of the mid-day market. He blinked a few times regaining himself. 

"Are you alright?" Xiao Xingchen looked a tiny bit concerned 

"Yeah. Just thinking about how many potential deciples you could have already and how beautiful you are." Xiao Xingchen's face dusted a light shafe of pink. "The people may be against a forming sect at first, but you'll have a decent size in no time." He spoke confidantly using large hand expressions. 

"A-Yang, I appreciate your support, but please don't flirt with me in the market." 

"Why not?" He asked innocently though he could take a good guess at the answer. 

If someone were to see them on a more intimate level, they could spread rumors about them. Not that they would necessarily be wrong especially if they were to be calledcut-sleeves. The only damn issue is that people are under the assumption that they're brothers or sworn brothers so it could cause more issues if people were to spread too many fucking rumors.

He put a hand on Xue Yang's shoulder. "Because people talk, and the things they say never remain true. It sucks that they do that but I don't want something bad going around. One day, either after the sect is made and secure or if it fails, you can do whatever in public as long as it's appropriate." 

"Well, either way, you look beautiful and nothing is going to stop me from fucking saying it. It's true." He kept walking in the direction of the shop he got the food from yesterday. 

The color on Xiao Xingchen's face darkened a little causing Xue Yang to smirk. Messing with Xiao Xingchen like this was fun. He loved seeing how flustered he could get him.

"A-Yang, let's just get A-Qing something to eat and get back." He gestured behind them.

"Song Zichen probably thinks I brutally murdered you. Ya know, in his eyes that may be better than what I actually did to you." He winked at Xiao Xingchen, smirk plastered to his face. 

"Xue Yang!" Xiao Xingchen scolded.

Xue Yang ignored him. "Besides, he should know by now that I have no intention of killing you. Unless you give me one." He pointed a finger at Xiao Xingchen. "Don't give me one." He dropped his hand. "I don't think you would, and I'm glad because you're the best and worst thing to have happened to me." He laughed to himself. "Thank you Xiao Xingchen."

He could see Xiao Xingchen didn't quite process everything Xue Yang said. Despite that, he smiled a warm smile at Xue Yang. Xue Yang still couldn't believe that someone could smile like that at him knowing who he is and what he's done, let alone a righteous cultivator such as Xiao Xingchen. And yet, here they are. 

"We're here!" He walked towards the door putting a hand out to stop Xiao Xingchen from moving further. "I'll go in and get it, wait here." And with that, he went in.

He immediately walked up to the person running the shop asking for their best dish. When he refused to pay, they put up a fight. Xue Yang brandished Jiangzai causing them to surrender almost immediately. He got the food and left without saying a thing.

"Alright Daozhang, let's hurry back." He linked his arm around Xiao Xingchen's. 

"Indeed, it's gotten quite late. If we leave by sword tomorrow we should make good time." He put a hand to his chin. 

"Or," he gestured outward towards nothing. "We leave tonight, get as far as we can. A-Qing can sleep on one of our backs or something." He pointed his hand behind himself. "Then we'll rest halfway through for the rest of the night. We'll spend the morning getting our story straight, then you take me as prisoner and we head to Lanling. It'll take longer, but at least we'll be prepared."

"That sounds fine too. We'll ask A-Qing and Zichen which they prefer." He grabbed Xue Yang's hand keeping their arms intertwined. 

"Sounds fine." He tightened his grip on Xiao Xingchen's hand half checking to make sure he wasn't going crazy. "Hey, Daozhang?"

"Hm?" He turned to face Xue Yang. 

"If I can't call you pretty or beautiful, why are you allowed to hold my hand?" He cocked his head to the side. 

"I want to hold your hand. If nothing's going to stop you, then nothing's going to stop me." He sent a small smirk at Xue Yang. 

"Daozhang, who's Nothing? If Nothing is going to stop you, where is Nothing? Don't sound so certain about what you say especially when you can't back them up. Nothing clearly isn't here." Xue Yang grinned.

Xiao Xingchen abruptly started laughing drawing the attention of a few people new to the market. Most people expected it. Xiao Xingchen once told Xue Yang that every time he opens his mouth Xiao Xingchen can't help but laugh, since then, Xue Yang has calmed down the jokes but he fucking loved the sound of Xiao Xingchen's laughter. The people in the market, not so much. But hell with it.

By the time he spoke they were already almost back. "A-A-Yang!" He kept laughing. "That's not what I meant." He took a couple breaths forcing himself to stop.

"I know, but technically when saying something like that, you're also saying what I said." His grin widened.

He sighed. "I guess you're right." 

"You should carry me back, my legs are getting sore from walking." He nudged Xiao Xingchen playfully. 

"Yeah right. You just don't want to walk the last three minutes." He rolled his eyes. 

"Yeah, you're right. But maybe I want to be closer to you. What if I just want to be that close to you? Would you deny me that?" He changed his face to a pout.

"It's not that long of a walk. When we get back, we'll give A-Qing her food, explain the plan to Zichen, and then we can just lay down, ok?" He raised an eyebrow. 

"That's going to take too long." He exaggerated his pouting face. 

Xiao Xingchen eyed him.

"Fine." He slouched over.

"Great." Xiao Xingchen started dragging him back to their coffin home, which was practically in front of them now. 

Chapter Text

The first thing they saw was A-Qing and Song Lan outside using sticks as swords. Song Lan was putting in so much effort to teach a blind girl to use a sword, but it was working. It looked complicated, but if it worked, it worked.

Xue Yang was a little impressed that Song Lan managed it. Maybe he wasn't as hopeless as Xue Yang thought. Watching A-Qing use proper technique again made Xue Yang wonder if she could actually see. He'd tested it once. He'd have to test it again later.

Song Lan looked over to them. "Hold on A-Qing. Xingchen's back."

"Daozhang!" A-Qing's expression brighter almost instantly. 

"I'm back." He smiled.

Once she heard his voice, she ran over to him and gave him a huge hug. "Where were you? Song Lan-Daozhang and I were worried about you!"

Xiao Xingchen chuckled nervously. "Well -"

Xue Yang cut him off. "Daozhang and I were having some fun."

Song Lan looked disgusted, which caused Xue Yang to smirk and wink at him. A-Qing looked a cross between disgusted and confused.

"Xue Yang!" Xiao Xingchen glared at him. "We were discussing a plan for when we get there tomorrow." He put a hand on A-Qing's head. "We brought you food, go eat while we tell Zichen the plan."

Xue Yang held out the food, making sure she knew where it was.

"But Daozhang, I wanna hear the plan too!" She made a pouty face. 

"Once we fine tune the details, we'll tell you. For now, go eat." He pushed her towards the house. 

"Fine." She took the food going inside, dragging her feet the whole time.

Song Lan looked over to them. "So, what's this plan?"

Xue Yang spoke up first. "We're leaving tonight by sword. Stopping in a town not far from Lanling to rest. Then you take me as a pretend prisoner to boost your merit with everyone."

"We're only leaving tonight if it's fine with both you and A-Qing," Xiao Xingchen corrected. "Like Xue Yang said earlier, it gives us a little more time to prepare with a clearer picture."

Song Lan thought for a moment. "That should work. So, care to elaborate on what we're doing with your precious delinquent?" His face contorted into something along the lines of disdain. 

"Since it was his idea, I'll let him explain what he plans to do after we bring him in." Xiao Xingchen nudged Xue Yang. 

"Well, that's really not something I should tell you guys. Your reactions need to be as genuine as possible. But I won't escape until after Jin Guangyao takes me prisoner. Plus, there's some things I want back from Lanling."

"Works for me." Song Lan stated, turning towards the house. 

Xiao Xingchen grabbed his sleeve. "That's it? You're not worried he's going to die?"

"Is he worried he's going to die?" He gestured back to Xue Yang, voice still monotone.

"No." Xue Yang said, holding in a chuckle. 

"Then why should I be worried he's going to die?" His voice now had genuine confusion. 

"Because I'm worried." His expression made it seem like it was supposed to be the most obvious thing ever.

"And I'm not. He's supposed to have been dead years ago, and here he is." Song Lan shrugged. 

Xue Yang burst out laughing, which sounded more like a cackle. He couldn't handle it, the way these two differed so much from one another, yet got along so well. This particular exchange was great. Watching Xiao Xingchen be all concerned while Song Lan is probably hoping Xue Yang will somehow end up dead.

Xue Yang's laughing received a glare from Xiao Xingchen and, surprisingly, a faint smile from Song Lan. Xue Yang took a couple of deep breaths, forcing himself to stop cackling. He looked to Xiao Xingchen out of habit only to see a disappointed expression from the other man. 

He contemplated for a moment trying to figure out how to best reassure Xiao Xingchen before deciding to grab Xiao Xingchen's hand. "Daozhang, I already told you nothing bad is going to happen to me, or anyone else. I get cut up a little? Big fucking deal! We'll see if I care. I have reasons to live, and no one's taking me from those. Besides, we're already even. Why would I want to offset the balance?" He grinned, hoping to get Xiao Xingchen to feel better. 

It kind of worked. Xiao Xingchen looked like he wanted to laugh but was still very aware of the danger they're playing with. But it was an improvement in his attitude. 

"Thanks for at least trying to reassure me A-Yang. I'm sure you and Zichen are right to not worry, but everyone wants you dead." He frowned. Xue Yang didn't like when he frowned. 

"Not everyone. That damn head shaker of a sect leader doesn't."

"That's one of how many?"

Song Lan interrupted them. "He's not worried which means he has to have some plan and probably an extensive amount of unnecessary confidence."

"Hey!" Xue Yang glared at Song Lan.

"It's true." Song Lan retorted.

"Doesn't mean you need to fucking point it out!" His eyes narrowed. He wasn't necessarily mad or upset but since it came out of Song Lan's mouth, he wanted to be mad. 

"A-Yang calm down." Xiao Xingchen moved his hand to Xue Yang's shoulder. 

"I am. I just felt like yelling." He shrugged. This statement caused Song Lan to glare at him. "What?" Xue Yang gave him an innocent and confused look.

Song Lan shook his hea,  choosing to ignore him. "So we're leaving tonight?"

"Only if A-Qing is fine with it." Xiao Xingchen gestured to the house as he spoke.

"Well, why don't we go ask her then? It makes more sense than standing around outside." Song Lan started for their coffin home.

Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen followed behind him. Xue Yang began to wonder if he and Song Lan would've gotten along if circumstances were different. He probably thought this at least once before in his life but he was now wondering again. 

He clung to Xiao Xingchen's arm. "Daozhang," he whined. "How much longer before it's just us? I wanna at least cuddle." He put on his best cute face staring up at Xiao Xingchen.

Xiao Xingchen made an expression signifying he found Xue Yang amusing. It also signified that his cute face worked. He wondered what Xiao Xingchen found amusing. From in front of them Song Lan made a sound of what Xue Yang thought was envy. Xue Yang ignored him.

"Patience Xue Yang. We have other things to do." He ruffled Xue Yang's hair with a smile. 

Xue Yang humphed. "Xingchen!" This time his whine was louder and more exaggerated. He even gave him puppy dog eyes.

Xiao Xingchen finally broke letting out a chuckle. ''How is it that you can be so cruel one minute but the next your clingy and cute?" His eyes softened significantly when they fell on Xue Yang after he reopened them. 

"I thought I was handsome. You said so last night."

"Well, you're both." He smiled.

They stepped inside which made the two of them immediately stopped talking. The three of them stood across from where A-Qing was seated eating the last but of her food with a content smile. Once she realized all of them were standing there, her expression changed to something more confused.

"You did poison this, didn't you? Now you're all waiting for me to drop dead." She pointed her chopsticks away from everyone.

Xue Yang smirked. Song Lan was silent. He honestly looked a little disappointed. Xiao Xingchen moved to try and correct her direction so her chopsticks were actually pointing at them.

"You caught me, Little Blindie. I poisoned your food because after three years I decided I didn't like you and wanted you dead." He poked her forehead and shoved her hand down.

She opened her mouth to say something but before she could Xiao Xingchen spoke. "It's not poisoned, but we need you to decide something for us." He walked back over to the group.

"Sure! What is it?" She sat up straight and put her stuff off to the side. 

"Do you think we should leave today or tomorrow to head to Lanling. If we leave today we'd stop in a town close to Lanling for a while and rest there. You'd also be able to rest on one of our backs if you get tired. If we leave tomorrow, we head straight there." 

She tilted her head to the side. "Is there a reason for leaving early?"

Xue Yang was about to answer when Song Lan spoke up. "To have more time to plan and get ready."

Xue Yang fucking hated being interrupted. He had intended to speak so he decided to say it anyway. "If we stop in a nearby town, I'll be able to cause enough chaos for people to know I'm there. Then you guys capture me and we go."

The two contemplated this. A-Qing was visibly confused. "Why would they want you to cause trouble?"

"So that it's 'easier' to capture me. It'll be easier to get that rat to believe us. So, which option, there's other things I want to do instead of fucking standing around waiting for you to answer." 

"Ugh, fine. You're so impatient and annoying. I won't ask more questions. Since I have more reason to chose leaving today, we'll leave today. Happy?" She crossed her arms and puffed out her chest a little. 

Xue Yang smirked. It was amusing, how she acted differently with him compared to the others. He wasn't exactly sure how to describe it, but he didn't hate it. Honestly, their interactions amuse him far more than her interactions with the other two.

He clapped his hands together. "Yes." He turned to Xiao Xingchen grabbing his hand. "Come on Daozhang!" A small slightly confused smile appeared on Xiao Xingchen's face contrasting the larger less confused smile Xue Yang wore.

He heard A-Qing protest from behind. "Hey! Wehere are you going? Daozhang just got back you know, and you're taking him away? You had almost two whole days with him!" She stood up going over to them. She tugged on Xiao Xingchen's sleeve trying to pull him away. "It's not fair."

"Look, Blindie, I might be gone for a few days and I'd like to spend time with Daozhang before that. You'll have all that time with him. You guys will probably be staying in the guest chambers for a period of time before leaving in while I'll be living in a fucking dungeon!" He pried her off of Xiao Xingchen. "Not even a full day, is what I'm asking."

A-Qing was silent. Had Xue Yang finally managed to shut her up? She finally humphed turning around and feeling her way back to the table. Song Lan went over to her presumably to 'calm her down'. Xue Yang couldn't care less about what he was up to.

He grabbed Xiao Xingchen's hand again. "Alright Daozhang, you promised we'd have this tine to cuddle and what-not, so let's go." He dragged him into their room.

They went over to the bed. "Are you sure you'll be fine?" Xiao Xingchen eyed him with a worried expression. 

Xue Yang nodded. "Of course! I know my way around that place like the back of my hand." He sad prideful while he spoke letting the pride seep through his voice. 

He had a feeling Xiao Xingchen would worry after he heard how long Xue Yang would be locked up for, so he'd prepared himself. He made note not to mention the fact that he'll probably be tortured and beat. All he mentioned was being locked up, even if Xiao Xingchen mentioned torture, he'll have to find some reason as to why that won't happen. 

Xiao Xingchen looked down. "That's not what I meant."

"I know. It'll be fine Daozhang. I promise that I'll be back in mostly one piece." He chuckled nudging Xiao Xingchen who gave him a serious look. "Not funny? I thought it was." He shrugged. "Besides, I'll have people on the outside to help me if I need it."

"Like who?" He looked as Xue Yang skeptically.

"Nie Huaisang needs me alive, so him... Now impressive but at least it counts. Plus I'm sure you'd help me out, right Daozhangs?" He put his head on Xiao Xingchen's lap.

Xiao Xingchen hesitantly nodded as he habitually placed a hand on Xue Yang's head. "If I had to, I would."

"See, now let's put this subject aside and talk about something else." He paused thinking of something that would calm Xiao Xingchen's nerves.

Some people like to have items that belong to their livers when they're going away for a period of time, maybe Xiao Xingchen's the same. He probably was. What did Xue Yang have to give though? He had a dagger, a sword, a couple throwing knives, the Tiger Tally, his clothes, and a necklace. The thing with the most meaning would be his dagger or his sword. That wouldn't do. He decided to get something along the way.

He pulled Xiao Xingchen down wrapping his arms around him. He then pulled himself up until he could look Xiao Xingchen in the eyes properly. He really was beautiful, Xue Yang wondered why he'd hated Xiao Xingchen when he could've been like this, curled up to him staring into his beautiful eyes, for so long. He never knew how much he needed Xiao Xingchen until he'd almost lost him, twice. But now, he's never fucking letting him go. 

Xiao Xingchen leaned forward planting a feather light kiss on Xue Yang's lips. "Just, be careful, ok?" He cupped a hand on Xue Yang's cheek. 

Xue Yang removed one of his arms from around Xiao Xingchen and instead placed his hand atop Xiao Xingchen's. "I will be." He sighed. He spoke in an exasperated tone. "Now for fucks sake, Daozhang, can we stop talking about this? It's depressing!"

After everything they were talking about, he finally got a laugh out of Xiao Xingchen. It was almost as rewarding as getting a piece of candy from the cultivator, if not better. Probably not better, but still rewarding. He watched Xiao Xingchen with a smile forming on his face.

Xue Yang clung tightly to him. A warm feeling spread throughout his body, the same feeling he had once mistaken as extreme hatred. He burried his face in Xiao Xingchen's neck, which was extremely warm. The feeling only spread more. Despite their previous conversations, he still felt a little uneasy about some of the things he'd done to the man he's laying on top of.

Xiao Xingchen wrapped his arms around Xue Yang, clinging on tighter than normal. "I love you A-Yang. I just want you safe and away from trouble."

"I know. Especially the staying away from trouble. I'll be- well maybe not. I won't go psycho murderer. I'll even leave all my weapons here except Jiangzai. Now please, Daozhang, can we fucking drop this topic."

"While that's true, I'm in love with you, Xue Yang. I love you to the point where I'm willing to ignore your crimes for the simple reason of keeping you around. I don't want you to get yourself mixed up in something that could lead to your death, or even just injury." A red streak fell down his cheek. 

Xue Yang sat up so that he was eye level with Xiao Xingchen. "Xingchen..." He wanted to speak, wanted to say something that would calm Xiao Xingchen down, but he couldn't find the words. Everything he wanted to say got caught in his throat.

He hated this, not knowing what to sat or do. He hated that Xiao Xingchen was worried, hated that he couldn't change it. He hated that Xiao Xingchen was worried about him. No one should be worried about him. He hated all of this right now. Things would be easier if he'd left Yi City before he got this comfortable and close to Xiao Xingchen. Too late now, he barely wanted to think about what it'd be like if he'd left at any point or killed Xiao Xingchen anyway. 

Having no other option he tried to speak what he was feeling, only it came out wrong. Horribly wrong. He wanted to say I hate the way this makes you feel and You really mess with me Daozhang,  but instead he said, "I hate. You...-" Fuck was as Xue Yang could think of. The words were so blunt when he spoke, too. It just had to fucking come out like that!

When those words left his mouth his own eyes widened as Xiao Xingchen stared at him in disbelief. "You hate me..?" He pointed to himself. 

He quickly tried to correct himself. "No! No, I don't! Ughhh! Fuck! I meant to say I hate the way this affects you and you really mess with me. I hate that I can't place my emotions, but I don't hate you." He kept panicking trying to find a way to explain himself. 

Xiao Xingchen chuckled causing Xue Yang too look at him dumbfounded. Why was he laughing? Xiao Xingchen then pulled Xue Yang into another hug. At least he's laughing now, right? "It's alright Xue Yang. Even if you'd stood by hating me, I wouldn't be upset but you made a mistake while talking which is perfectly normal."

"But Daozhang!" He stopped pulling away a bit. "I said I hated you. You should be upset even if I didn't mean it!" He was upset that Xiao Xingchen wasn't upset, a strange feeling when he thought about it. 

"Well, you didn't mean it and even if you did, hate isn't necessarily bad. Last time you hated me, you were confused so why should I assume this rime would be any different? Besides, if you really did hate me, you'd have expressed as much by now." He smiled reassuringly at Xue Yang. 

This man was extremely passive when it came to certain topics, but it's not as though Xue Yang couldn't follow his thoughts. "I really don't hate you Daozhang. Now can we talk about the weather or something? You're being depressing and now I'm being depressing."

"Just as long as you don't hate me, A-Yang." He smirked playfully.

"I could never. You know I don't hate you." He leaned close to Xiao Xingchen, mirroring his smirk.

"Do I?" He tilted his head to the side. "You might have to demonstrate.''

Xue Yang could've sworn he saw a mildly seductive look pass over Xiao Xingchen's features. "Maybe I will." He pushed Xiao Xingchen down flat. He straddled his hips and leaned down over Xiao Xingchen.

Xue Yang then leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on Xiao Xingchen's lips. Xiao Xingchen leaned into it. The kiss lasted for about a minute before Xue Yang pulled away and collapsed on top of Xiao Xingchen letting out a content sigh. 

There was silence from Xiao Xingchen for a long moment before he spoke in a quiet voice. "A-A-Yang..." Xue Yang looked up to see his face was a bright red. "I, umm... Can we-... What we did last night..." Was he going to get mad at Xue Yang about it now? Xue Yang braced himself for some sort of lecture or scolding. "I-I." He stopped talking a deep breath, the color on his face deepening. He spoke in one breath not even putting breaks between his words. "Canwedothatagain?" 

Xue Yang was taken aback by the question at first, but quickly recovered. "You want to do that again?"

Xiao Xingchen nodded. What an interesting turn of events. He wasn't expecting that to come from Xiao Xingchen and thus needed to find an actual response. If this were anyone else he'd give some sparky remark, but it's not, this was Xiao Xingchen. He didn't want to discourage Xiao Xingchen but he also only wanted to cuddle at the moment. On the other hand, it might be a while before they see eachother again.

They had about four hours before they had to go. They'd need at least one to make sure they had everything and that A-Qing got fed. That left three hours for Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen to have together. They had time.

Xue Yang propped himself up. "As long as we have time to cuddle before we go." Xiao Xingchen nodded. "Then I'm all yours Daozhang~" He sat up properly to give Xiao Xingchen easier access to him.

Xiao Xingchen pulled him back down onto him. The next thing Xue Yang knew, Xiao Xingchen had trapped him in a passionate kiss. Xue Yang could sense Xiao Xingchen's hunger and want, something he never thought he'd sense from Xiao Xingchen, especially directed at Xue Yang. He returned the kiss with equal passion and hunger.

He'd be lying to himself if he said that he'd imagined this thing with Xiao Xingchen going anywhere, but now he knew it was bound to go somewhere. Xiao Xingchen was putting in effort to make it work, and honestly, Xue Yang was too. He's been trying to be more calm and tame, which was exceptionally easy when Xiao Xingchen was around. He calmed the boiling anger in Xue Yang, allowed Xue Yang to discover himself－as much as he hated that part of the process － and eventually, he helped Xue Yang better understand more complex emotions.

He owed a lot to Xiao Xingchen especially considering everything he'd done to Xiao Xingchen in the past and the fact that he's still willing to help Xue Yang and just be around him knowing the truth. And truth be told, Xue Yang was never expecting to live this long. He knew Jin Guangyao was going to kill him, and when Xiao Xingchen saved him, he figured Xiao Xingchen would do the honor of ending him, but that didn't happen either. 

He was shaken out of his thoughts when he felt Xiao Xingchen's mouth leave his lips and trail along his jawline. While sucking little marks onto Xue Yang, Xiao Xingchen was simultaneously removing Xue Yang's clothes. Luckily for him, Xue Yang didn't have all his complicated accessories on at the moment. 

Xiao Xingchen slid his upper garments off and threw them to the side. Xue Yang undid Xiao Xingchen's sash and started to remove his various layers of clothes. Once they were both half naked Xiao Xingchen went back to sucking on Xue Yang's jawline. He was somehow both gentle and aggressive. Xue Yang wondered if he was simply trying to hold back.

Xiao Xingchen trailed down Xue Yang's neck, sucking and biting until he made it to the name of Xue Yang's neck. He stopped there and sucked far more aggressively. He bit and niped, then soothed the bites with his tongue. Shivers ran through Xue Yang's spine, causing him to shudder and let out a moan. He could feel himself already getting hard.

When Xiao Xingchen heard the moan and felt Xue Yang shudder, he bit Xue Yang a little too hard and drew blood. He pulled back a little panicked. He sat up, bringing Xue Yang up with him and wiped some of the blood away with his thumb. His skin was soft, and Xue Yang wondered how he'd managed to keep it so soft. Xiao Xingchen was gentle, Xue Yang liked that about him. It was a nice change from the rest of his life. 

"I'm sorry!" His expression kept switching between panicked and apologetic, sometimes both. 

Xue Yang spoke in a gentle, reassuring tone that he was unfamiliar with. "It's alright, my Xiao-Xing." He cupped Xiao Xingchen's face. "Accidents happen, and besides, I don't mind. Plus, nothing's good if there isn't blood involved." He chuckled and gave Xiao Xingchen a smile, signifying he was joking but that the who situation wasn't anything serious. Xiao Xingchen caught on and nodded while Xue Yang healed his wound. "Now come on, Daozhang, don't leave me waiting like this." He wrapped his legs around Xiao Xingchen's waist and pressed himself flat to the other man.

Xue Yang moved his hip in a circular motion, slowly grinding himself on Xiao Xingchen. He could feel Xiao Xingchen's cock growing hard. He adjusted his weight to lightly apply pressure to it elicting a whimper from Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang continued to grind. Xiao Xingchen let out mones which xy muffled and swallowed by kissing him. He continued until both he and Xiao Xingchen were hard.

Xiao Xingchen shoved Xue Yang off of him and stared at him with lust filled eyes. He then tore off Xue Yang's pants to reveal his hard, throbbing cock. He stared for a moment which Xue Yang used to remove Xiao Xingchen's pants to reveal his cock in a similar state.

Xiao Xingchen hesitantly reached for Xue Yang's cock before stopping. "Are there any other things we could do?"

"Yes, but I think we should wait on that. You'll thank me later." 

"Oh. Okay," Xiao Xingchen said sounding disappointed. 

"How about we experiment a bit more after everyone gets back from Lanling?" Xue Yang suggested. 

"Alright. I suppose that's fine." His face contorted into an adorable pout. 

Xue Yang almost caved at the sight of Xiao Xingchen's face. He really had grown soft in the presence of this cultivator. He hated it at first, but he enjoyed being, in his opinion, loved so genuinely. Xiao Xingchen was by far the mist confusing,  naive, beautiful person Xue Yang has met and he ended up falling for him and hating him all at once. 

He kissed the pout off of Xiao Xingchen's face before he broke. Xiao Xingchen made a startled noise that Xue Yang swallowed before he kissed back. Xue Yang explored Xiao Xingchen's mouth, thwn let Xiao Xingchen explore his. He was startled when he felt a hand firmly grip his cock.

Xue Yang pulled away from their passionate kiss panting slightly in an attempt for air. "Xingchen..., who knew you could.. be so bold." He gave a seductive look and watched as Xiao Xingchen's blush deepened and spread. 

Xiao Xingchen loosened his grip in either feat or embarrassment. Xue Yang couldn't tell at first but settled on embarrassment based on his face. Xue Yang couldn't last much longer with Xiao Xingchen not doing anything. His body was aching for Xiao Xingchen to do something with his cock instead of just holding it!

He spoke in a mildly strained voice "No need to be shy now. The longer you wait the more agonizing this is!" He grabbed Xiao Xingchen's cock with about equal force to how Xiao Xingchen was holding his. After a few moments of doing nothing, Xiao Xingchen made a pleading whimper. "See Daozhang? Agonizing, isn't it?"

Xiao Xingchen lightly nodded as he made another sound. Xue Yang could tell he was close to coming but not quite. Xiao Xingchen brushed his thumb over the leaking head of Xue Yang's cock. Another shiver shot up Xue Yang's spine. He quickly bit down on Xiao Xingchen's shoulder to muffle the sound that came out of his mouth, though it was in vain as Xiao Xingchen let out an even louder moan. He decided to suck the spot he'd just bitten and lick away some of the blood he'd accidentally drawn. 

While he was leaving marks all along Xiao Xingchen, Xiao Xingchen stroked a singular finger up and down the shaft if Xue Yang's cock. The sensation caused Xue Yang to shudder and make various sounds of pleasure, between which he kept accidentally drawing blood from the other man's shoulder. That in turn would cause Xiao Xingchen to moan and his cock to twitch in Xue Yang's hand indicating he most likely ready to release but was holding back. 

Xue Yang pulled away from Xiao Xingchen's shoulder licking his lips. Xiao Xingchen looked between Xue Yang's face and cock several times as if uncertain of something. Xue Yang couldn't help but think about how cute Xiao Xingchen looked when he was uncertain of what to do, even more so now.

"Don't hold back my Xiao-Xing, and don't be afraid." He lightly thrust his hips which elicited a small noise from Xiao Xingchen.

After a couple seconds of contemplation, Xiao Xingchen replaced the hand on Xue Yang's cock with his mouth bending down in a way Xue Yang was sure wasn't all too comfortable, but he knew Xiao Xingchen would be fine. He was shy about it at first, only moving his tongue around slightly as if testing the waters. 

Xue Yang couldn't take it much longer. "Fuck! Daozhang!" He thwn mumbled a  muffled, "...sorry...," before thrusting himself as far into Xiao Xingchen's mouth as possible while he simultaneously jerked the hand holding Xiao Xingchen's cock. 

He felt Xiao Xingchen's jaw tighten as he almost bit Xue Yang. He looked up at him with an apologetic look which Xue Yang responded to with a smirk as he began playing around with Xiao Xingchen's cock more. He run his fingers up and down the shaft lightly, then more aggressively and fiddle with tye ball sack. When this yielded no reaction he wrapped his hand around the shaft near the head, put his other hand on Xiao Xingchen's back and forced him to thrust. Xiao Xingchen made what Xue Yang assumed was a yelp of some sort though it was muffled by Xue Yang's dick in his mouth.

The vibrations of the sound felt so fucking great on his cock. He let out a moan as he pulled out and thrust himself back inside which elicited another sound from Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang fucking loved this. He wanted more. He wanted Xiao Xingchen to suck him off, he wanted him to swallow every last drop Xue Yang gave him, he wanted Xiao Xingchen to come in his hand, he wanted to deliberately cause him to while his gard cock was still in his mouth so he could feel Xiao Xingchen's moans and screams on his dick, he wanted to fuck Xiao Xingchen senseless and, funnily enough, he wanted to be fucked senseless by Xiao Xingchen.

"D-Xingchen!.. I need you to-... ah!.. come..!" He had to look so fucking pathetic and desperate right now and Xiao Xingchen was looking right at him too, with a new confused look on his face but he continuedto suck andexplore with his mouth and make sound which Xue Yang loved to hear and feel. "Fucking hell! Xingchen! I-" He stopped as he pulled the hand,  that was forcing Xiao Xingchen to thrust hid hips, away. "I can't-ahh- hold on much longer!'' His thrusts became more sporadic and aggressive which accidentally caused Xiao Xingchen to cough. 

He kept rubbing Xiao Xingchen's shaft as he shoved two of his fingers into his mouth sucking on them until he figured they were wet enough. He reached around Xiao Xingchen until he found his ass. He felt around until he found the opening. Xiao Xingchen almost pulled away from Xue Yang a startled and confused expression covering his face but stopped himself as Xue Yang thrust again.

"It's-ah~!-alright Daozhang," was all he could get out before Xiao Xingchen started massaging Xue Yang's dick with the muscles in his throat.

Xue Yang bit down on Xiao Xingchen again to muffle the sound he made. He shoved his fingers inside of Xiao Xingchen with no mercy. Xiao Xingchen let out a startled cry which was muffled by Xue Yang's member currently in his mouth. The noise quickly changed to a moan when Xue Yang began moving his fingers around trying to find that one particular spot inside of Xiao Xingchen. 

After only two minutes, he found the bundle of nerves as he brushed against them. Xiao Xingchen cried out in pleasure, momentarily letting go of Xue Yang. "Don't stop!" Xue Yang demanded which caused Xiao Xingchen to immediately resume what he'd been doing. 

Xue Yang kept going with his fingers until he felt Xiao Xingchen's cock twitching more. He jerked his hand aggressively as he ran is fingers over the nerve bundle one last time. Xiao Xingchen  gripped onto the singular shee as he came covering them both in his cum. Xiao Xingchen practically shouted at his release and lightly bit down on Xue Yang's dick in an attempt to muffle the noise which only caused Xue Yang to let out a noise as he pulled his hand out of Xiao Xingchen.

It was almost pure ecstasy having his cock in Xiao Xingchen's mouth with Xiao Xingchen's cock in his hand, both covered in cum. He thrust in and out of Xiao Xingchen's mouth a couple mote times before he couldn't hold back any longer. "Fuck! Xingchen, I'm-!" He didn't get to finish his sentence as he released into Xiao Xingchen's mouth. 

Xiao Xingchen pulled away coughing a bit though he'd managed to swallow most of it, there was a little cut dripping from the corner of his mouth. Once Xue Yang regained himself he wiped it away with his thumb. He was about to move his hand away when Xiao Xingchen grabbed it and licked it off of his thumb. 

Xue Yang returned the gesture by partially licking Xiao Xingchen's cum off of his own hand. "You did good my Xiao-Xing." He kissed Xiao Xingchen on the forehead. "Next time, don't be so shy, okay?" Xiao Xingchen nodded. "Good. Now, let's get ourselves and this place cleaned up a little." He didn't really want to, but if they didn't now, they may not until last minute and that would suck. 

Xiao Xingchen looked at the sheets then at both of them. "Sorry."

"Why are you apologizing? It was a team effort." He went to get up and grab their stuff when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him. "Xingchen?"

"Mn?" He burried his face in the crook of Xue Yang's neck. "We can go. I just wanted to express my gratitude and affection."

Xue Yang smiled getting up. He took Xiao Xingchen with him carrying him bridal style. Once up he went over to Xiao Xingchen's Outer robes and wrapped him in it. He then grabbed the blanket and wrapped himself in it. He began walking towards the window. If they went through the door they'd most likely have to face Song Lan and A-Qing and Xue Yang didn't really feel like doing that. 

"Where are we going?" Xiao Xingchen asked as he adjusted himself to a more comfortable position.

"Well, we need to clean up, don't we?"

"Yeah. I can go draw us a bath?" He gestured to the door.

"You could, but won't they question you?"

"So what? I'm not embarrassed about anything." He smiled innocently at Xue Yang.

"You're not?" Xue Yang would've expected Xiao Xingchen to feel embarrassed or disgusted or something, but he didn't. Maybe disgusted but that wasn't likely considering he's still willing to draw them a bath to begin with. 

Xiao Xingchen chuckled. "No. Why would I be?" He paused. Xue Yang could think of at least a few reasons why he'd be embarrassed. "Everything I've done has been my decision, so I have no reason to be embarrassed." He slid out of Xue Yang's arms, kissed Xue Yang on the tip of his nose, chuckled, and walked out.

Xue Yang tidied up the room While he was waiting since he hadn't done it in a while. He got distracted when he found paper and a pointy piece of wood. He sat down and began to draw a picture quite similar to the one he drew of Xiao Xingchen on a crescent moon with Xue Yang reaching up to him, only thus time Xue Yang was bleeding and Xiao Xingchen was reaching back. 

He put it away once he heard someone approaching. Xiao Xingchen came in not long after. "Bath is drawn." He lightly leaned against the doorframe. 

"Alright, I'm coming." He stood up and went over to Xiao Xingchen. "Any trouble?"

"Not particularly. A-Qing gave a strange head turn look. Zichen greeted me normally and helped me fill the bath. There really isn't anything wrong." He grabbed Xue Yang's hand. 

They went out of the room to the designated bathing area. "Thanks Daozhang." Xue Yang dropped the blanket around him and slowly climbed into the tub. He sank down enjoying the sensation of the water on his skin. "You coming in?" He turned his head back to look at Xiao Xingchen who was washing their clothes and blanket.

"In a couple minutes. I want to get these cleaned." He held up the clothes in his hand.

"Daozhang, those can wait. You should get yourself in the tub and clean off first. Then, clean the clothes. Besides, I still want to cuddle and we're going to run out of time if you dilly-dally."

"I'm not dilly-dallying. These need to be cleaned too." He gave Xue Yang a pout which Xue Yang recognized as the one he uses when he doesn't realize he's pouting. 

"They're clean enough. We have other clothes, wear those and clean these with those when we get back."

"...What about the blanket?" He held up the blanket,  which was already dirty from years of use without being washed, but now had remnants of Xiao Xingchen's pleasure on it.

"We can just get a new one... It's so fucking old anyway." He pointed to a spot on it. "I'm pretty positive that's a bloodstain from when you first brought me here.

He studied it for a moment. "Oh, it is..." He set the blanket off to the side. "We'll get a new one."

Xue Yang smirked. "Great," he said slightly elongating the word. "Now would you like to get in the tub? We can always use that thing as fire kindling." Xiao Xingchen got up hesitantly. "Someone getting shy? Where was this shyness when you were sucking my dick?" He cocked his head to one side a strand of hair falling over his face.

Xiao Xingchen turned a bright red. "I-well-ughh." He ran his hands through his hair. Xue Yang wondered what got him so stressed. "A-Yang, I've umm I've never bathed with anyone before. It's never proper to bathe with another person. Just like..." His face contorted into a one of uncertainty and if Xue Yang saw correctly, he was partially ashamed.

Xue Yang's smirk fell. What was up with Xiao Xingchen? "Daozhang...?"

Had Xue Yang fucked up? Did Song Lan do something to Xiao Xingchen? Maybe Xiao Xingchen forgot something he was taught on that stupid mountain. That whole bathing thing is definitely one of those dumbass rules.

Xiao Xingchen shook his head and climbed into the tub. He didn't say a word and seemed to be avoiding looking at Xue Yang. Xue Yang wondered if he was trying to fight with his own beliefs. Not that he was complaining, but it seemed like it'd be more clear-cut than Xiao Xingchen was making it out to be.

He would've gotten out of the tub and let Xiao Xingchen in first with no issues. Then again, Xiao Xingchen seems to be attempting to make adjustments to his ideals, beliefs, and morals. Xue Yang knows why, he knows Xiao Xingchen is trying to, not necessarily descend to Xue Yang's level, but to be at the middle ground so that Xue Yang can theoretically climb up to said middle ground and reach him. A delinquent, well murderer, Demonic Cultivator, whatever Xue Yang is, and a righteous cultivator don't pair vary well together. Xue Yang has to follow rules, and Xiao Xingchen has to break some, each would have to give up some of their beliefs and ideals. They're doing it though, and it's working. Sometimes though, Xue Yang worries that they'll somehow end up in a situation where they clash too much, and he knows he'll be the one in the wrong. 

Xiao Xingchen tried adjusting himself to fit more comfortably in the tub. "Daozhang, do you want me to get out? I don't need much more than a good soaking if we want Jin Guangyao to believe us anyway." He went to stand up.

Xiao Xingchen put a hand on his shoulder stopping him. "No, stay. It's a stupid rule anyway. It may not be right or proper, but I've already crossed that line..." He still sounded uncertain of himself.

Xue Yang got back into the tub. "But what's the difference between right and wrong, and proper, and improper? when it comes down to it, it depends entirely on what you want them to be. It's how you view it Daozhang, not how others tell you to view it. Do what you think is best for you, or those around you, I guess." He grabbed Xiao Xingchen's arm. He sounded so fucking cringy right now, but it seemed to be working. "You have crossed that line, but you were willing to. That line wasn't your fucking line. Draw your own damn lines and boundaries. Fuck whatever you've been told. Nine times out of ten, it's wrong."

Xiao Xingchen was silent as he stared at Xue Yang mouth slightly open as if he wanted to speak but couldn't form the words. He put his hand over the hand Xue Yang had on him and gave Xue Yang and awkward smile.

"Thanks A-Yang. I appreciate your attempt to cheer me up, but I'll be fine. My choices are my own. If I've chosen to do something, I shouldn't go back unless I have a reason to do so." He moved closer to Xue Yang. "Before you say what I think you're going to say, I don't regret the decisions I've made about you." His hand moved to rest on Xue Yang's face. Xue Yang leaned into the touch. "It took me a while to come to terms with my feelings about you, but I did and I decided that no matter what, I was going to stand by you. And I've now decided to, that some rules are stupid, so thank you."

Xue Yang smiled at the thought that he'd still managed to do something to Xiao Xingchen that would wake him up from his daydream, at least a little. And honestly, it was probably the most beneficial way of doing so considering no one died.

Before Xue Yang could respond he felt something warm, soft, and slightly damp in his lips. Xue Yang let Xiao Xingchen kiss him. It was gentle and calming. He leaned into it and wrapped his arm around Xiao Xingchen. 

Xiao Xingchen pulled away with a smile. "So, I suppose we should finish bathing?" Xue Yang nnoddedin response. 

They finished their bath within the next two hours. Xiao Xingchen ended up washing their clothes anyway, stating that if they let them sit something could happen. To be honest, Xue Yang tuned out his tangent on why the clothes should be clean and he got a different set of robes on.

He then emptied the bathwater and decided that A-Qing should wash before they go as well. He went outside to find her telling Song Lan stories. "Hey, Blindie!" She looked over and inclined her head. "Go bathe. I'll prepare a bath. And wear something nice after."

"Why? So you and Daozhang can have more alone time?" He looked disgusted. 

"A-Qing!" Song Lan scolded. "For once, he's right. You should bathe that way you're clean when we get there. It's important to look good too. I'll bathe once you're done. That way we'll be taken seriously." 

"Fine." She crossed her arms. "But while Song Lan-Daozhang is bathing, I get Daozhang."

Of course she'd pull that. Couldn't be helped though. She probably didn't want to be by herself, Xue Yang understood that feeling at least. "Whatever." He turned around going back inside.

He found her a decent dress and drew her a bath. Xiao Xingchen watched him with a faint smile on his face. Xue Yang wanted to say that he wasn't doing this out of good will or something, but even he was starting to wonder if being with Xiao Xingchen, isolated from the majority of society, has changed him. He knew he'd changed, but sometimes even he was surprised by the extent of which he had.

Once he was done he called A-Qing in and left to locate Xiao Xingchen. Once he found him he dragged him back to their room. He sat down on the bed and motioned for Xiao Xingchen to sit with him. Xiao Xingchen sat down at the motion and once he did Xue Yang climbed on his lap and wrapped himself around Xiao Xingchen, the warm feeling he loved sprouting in him once again. Xiao Xingchen wrapped his arms around Xue Yang in return. It felt safe, like Xiao Xingchen was attempting to protect him from the unknown. 

"Xingchen, I know you're worried, and I'm telling you everything will be fine, but in the event something goes horribly wrong, which it won't, I want to say a few things." He leaned back enough to get a clear view of Xiao Xingchen's face. "I'm-..." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for, we'll, for everything I did to you. I wanted you to understand that this world isn't as fixable and salvageable as you think, but I didn't know how to or why I wanted to. I assumed I hated you because of Song Lan and the way you spoke about me when we first met, I don't think I did. Now, I definitely don't, and I'm sorry you had to go through all of that because I was an emotional mess who thought everything was hate, anger, temporary friendship, or some other thing along those lines."

Xiao Xingchen looked shocked to say the least. He very clearly was not expecting this to happen. "...I accept your apology though I have already forgiven you. However, I believe you owe Song Lan at least one apology."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever, I'll do that later if I feel like it." Xiao Xingchen gave him a disapproving look which Xue Yang countered with pleading eyes and ultimately won. "As I was saying, those were the only emotions I knew until you saved my life. I still don't fully understand any of them except for three: genuine happiness, fondness, and...love..." He felt his face heating up from embarrassment. He wanted to say these things to Xiao Xingchen for a while, and he finally got the chance, but now he's worried he's not conveying what he means properly. "Look, I'm not good with words when it comes to words on these mushy emotions. What I want to say is thank you and I love you." He burried his face in Xiao Xingchen's robes. He hated that word, he gets embarrassed when he says it which makes him uncomfortable. 

He felt a hand on the back of his head, lightly combing through his hair. ''I love you too Xue Yang." He reclined back bringing Xue Yang with him.

They stayed that way until A-Qing was done bathing. She came and knocked on their door. "Daozhang, are you in there?"

Xiao Xingchen sat up disrupting Xue Yang who had almost fallen asleep. "Yes, what is it?"

"The weirdo agreed that I get to spend time with you after I bathe while Song Lan-Daozhang bathes."

Xiao Xingchen looked to Xue Yang with something akin to curiosity. "You did?"

Xue Yang nodded. "She probably wouldn't have bathed otherwise." He crossed his arms as he got up going to the door. "Hey, Blindie. He's mine after. Got it." He opened the door. 

"Says who?" She crossed her arms in agitation. 

"Says me. I won't see him for a while, so now is my time. Be greatful I'm letting you have him for a period of time. Besides, Daozhang is mine now."

"No he's not!" She narrowed her eyes. 

Xiao Xingchen went over to the two. "Enough fighting. A-Qing, we'll spend time together, ok? And Xue Yang, when Zichen is done, we'll have the last hour or so, alright?"

Xue Yang and A-Qing sighed simultaneously before both responded at the same time. 

Xue Yang said, "Alright my Xiao-Xing."

A-Qing responded with, "Ok Daozhang." When she heard Xue Yang's response, she gave him a disgusted look.

Xue Yang walked past her ignoring the look. "You two have fun with whatever it is you're going to do. I'm going for a walk." He left.

After approximately twenty minutes of aimlessly wandering, he went back to the coffin home and grabbed the materials to start a fire. He set everything up before he grabbed A-Qings food and prepared to cook it for her.

Once the food was done, he went inside with it. A-Qing was telling Xiao Xingchen about how much fun she had with a sword and how she wished she'd learned these things earlier. Xiao Xingchen was smiling fondly as she spoke. Xue Yang knew she was like a younger sister to Xiao Xingchen, if he was honest it was like that for him too.

He went up to them. "Hey, Little Blind. I've got something for you." He placed the food in her hands. "You should eat before we go. I don't feel like having to stop longer than necessary to feed you."

She took the food mumbling an almost inaudible,  "Thanks," before eating.

Xue Yang turned to leave as Xiao Xingchen called out to him. "A-Yang, why don't you come join us?" 

Xue Yang spoke with a hint of jealousy in his voice. "I'll let A-Qing have her time. Besides, I've gotta brush up on my delinquency. I'll see you soon Daozhang." With that he went outside.

He walked a small distance and sat on a rock, mind running through all the scenarios that he could pull off when the time came. Xiao Xingchen wouldn't be too pleased if anyone died, but he'd still need a good reason for bringing Xue Yang in. Of course he was already wanted for boatloads of crimes, but that doesn't mean that he'd be worthy of being captured or getting Xiao Xingchen's attention.

He sat there, thinking and thinking about what he could do. There were so many exciting options, how could he choose? Maybe he could 'accidentally' kill someone in the process too. What he assumed was a sadistic smile appeared on his face. 

He heard something behind him and quickly turned to see what it was. Xiao Xingchen was standing there staring at him, face unreadable. 

"What, did you think I was going to ransack the town we get our fucking resources from?" He grinned intending for it to be a joke but judging by the way Xiao Xingchen flinched, it wasn't taken that way. "What? Can't make a joke? C'mon Daozhang, lighten up a little."

Xiao Xingchen shook his head. "Sorry, I thought-nevermind." He went over to Xue Yang studying him. "Zichen came out and is currently running over the last bit of rules with A-Qing. Figured I'd come find you." 

''Yay, you found me, now what?" His words came out sharper than he'd intended. Luckily his expression changed showing he didn't intend for it to come out that way. "I didn't mean to fucking snap at you Xingchen. I meant that in a normal way like, what do you want to do?"

"Head back to get everything in order." He gestured in the direction of the house. 

"Sounds fine, but there's something I kinda want to do first." He moved closer to Xiao Xingchen pulling their bodies flush. "No objections?" Xiao Xingchen was silent. "I'll take that as a no."

He kissed Xiao Xingchen passionately and aggressively. He heard and felt Xiao Xingchen whimper as the taste of blood grazed his tongue. He'd caused Xiao Xingchen's lower lip to bleed, though he didn't really care knowing that Xiao Xingchen didn't care either. In fact he could feel Xiao Xingchen getting hard, and not that he didn't want him to, they didn't have the time so he decided not to do this much longer. After a few more moments Xiao Xingchen  pulled away gasping for air while Xue Yang bore a slight smirk.

Once Xiao Xingchen caught his breath xy could see slight panic on his eyes. "Don't worry Daozhang, I'll go away."

Xiao Xingchen nodded, grabbed Xue Yang's hand and started back to the coffin home. "Hey, Xue Yang, are you alright? You seem a little off."

"I'm fine, just thinking about how to commit a fake crime." He shrugged. "I'll figure it out."

Xiao Xingchen was silent for a while before he spoke. "It doesn't have to be fake." The words came out quick and quiet but he heard them.

"Hm?" Xue Yang wanted to know if he'd heard correctly. 

"You heard me. It doesn't have to be fake, but please, try to keep people from getting injured or dying, ok?"

Xue Yang squeezed Xiao Xingchen's hand as he nodded. "Alrighty." He leaned against Xiao Xingchen while they walked which cause them both to stumble. 

Xiao Xingchen laughed and all Xue Yang could do was stare at him taking in the sight before he'd be gone for a period of time. "Hey, Daozhang?"

Xiao Xingchen turned to him smiling. It fell when he saw Xue Yang's sad expression. "What is it?"

"I was thinking, if I end up in Lanling for some time, we need a way to communicate." 

"I suppose we would. While I'm there, I'll visit you as an attempt to interrogate you." 

"That may not work,  but you should still do that to keep up the act. I'd suggest letters though Jin Guangyao will read all of them before they get to their destination."

"Well, what if we write them so that Jin Guangyao thinks we're enemies, but we know we're not." He seemed to struggle forming the words.

"You mean, write the opposite of what we mean." Xiao Xingchen nodded. "Not everything is going to be the opposite though, so maybe we could make those things bold?"

"Sounds fine..." He looked downward and sighed. 

Xue Yang kissed his cheek. "It's alright Daozhang. I promise I'll come back." Eventually, he thought. 

He wouldn't be able to show his face for a bit I'd they end up building the sect, and if his departure from Lanling is too close to Xiao Xingchen's, Jin Guangyao would suspect something amiss. Xue Yang would have to wait either until the sect is fully built, or about a month. If he had to leave earlier, he'd need to cause disturbances elsewhere so that no one suspects something's wrong.

Xiao Xingchen stopped walking and turned to Xue Yang. "I'm not worried about that. I'm worried that he'll severely injure you." 

"He can't do worse than what's already been done. Let's not dwell on it, alright?" He gave his nest attempt at a reassuring smile, which clearly didn't do much.

Despite Xue Yang's smile being ineffective, Xiao Xingchen nodded. "Yeah..." He embrced Xue Yang tightly.

At first Xue Yang was startled but that didn't last long. He returned the embrace in equal force. He didn't want to let go. He never wanted to let go of Xiao Xingchen, or of this annoyingly mundane life he ended up in, because he loved it. He loved this basic life, the simplicity it brought, and he loved Xiao Xingchen. He burried his face between Xiao Xingchen's neck and shoulder.

Xiao Xingchen stroked his hair running his fingers through it. "Xue Yang, I love you so much. I know I've said so before but I want you to know that no matter how long it takes, I'm willing to wait."

Xue Yang was silent. He wanted to believe Xiao Xingchen because Xiao Xingchen was the only one to see Xue Yang as Xue Yang and not a psychotic murderer, delinquent, monster, beast, or some other thing. It took a while, but Xiao Xingchen still still recognized and pulled out the vulnerable Xue Yang from all of that. He didn't want to lose what he had. He'd wanted a life like this as a child. A life where he could at least have a home, a family, and if he was lucky, even be a high level  cultivator. Unfortunately, around eleven he fully abandoned those ideas and settled for revenge and a life as an outcast. After all the people he cared for were the ones that left him. How could he expect Xiao Xingchen to be any different. 

In the end, all he could muster to say was, "Please..," as he gripped tightly onto Xiao Xingchen's robes. 

He didn't realize it, but Xiao Xingchen must've because the next words that left Xiao Xingchen's mouth indicated that Xue Yang had started crying, and oh how he hated crying. "I swear I'll wait. I won't abandon you, or betray you." He pulled back to look at Xue Yang. He wiped the tears off of Xue Yang's cheeks.

"But-' Xue Yang began to protest but was cut off by Xiao Xingchen.

"I know you may want to think otherwise, but I only want you. Not Zichen or any other person, you. Even with everything you've done, I still want you. Ok? I won't abandon you, us, or this," he gestured between them. "I don't know how many people hurt you physically or emotionally, but I'm not going to be one of them. I'd rather be the one you consider home, safe, comfortable, and caring."

Xue Yang was silent for a moment, processing everything Xiao Xingchen said. "I don't want you to be like them. I want you to be there, by my side, for the rest of your life or mine."

"And I will be." Xiao Xingchen bore a serious yet gentle face.

"If you say so. But only time will tell Daozhang." He wasn't wrong, and Xiao Xingchen knew it too as he couldn't respond only swallowing his saliva. "Let's head back and not dwell on this either." He pulled Xiao Xingchen back in the direction of the the house until Xiao Xingchen walked willingly. 

Once they got back they went inside to see A-Qing and Song Lan bickering. It appeared as though A-Qing was winning. Song Lan seemed to be trying to defend himself.

Xiao Xingchen stepped away from Xue Yang and went over to them. "What are we arguing about?"

"A-Qing doesn't think it's fair how the Jins judge people." Song Lan said.

"It's not! Any number of them could've been innocent and they get punished for doing nothing wrong! It should change." She slammed her fist down.

Song Lan sighed. "I agree, but unfortunately, their judgment isn't entirely wrong. You have to put yourself in their shoes. The whole Cultivation world is relying on them. They're stressed and under pressure. It's not as simple as you think it is." 

"It's not fair. You and Daozhang aren't going to do that, are you?" She seemed genuinely worried.

Xiao Xingchen placed a hand on her shoulder. "Never. We're establishing a sect that doesn't follow the same standards as the others. No blood relations, and only fair judgment."

"What's your idea of fair judgment? Sleeping with the murderer and letting them walk free?" She gave him a strange look. 

"A-Qing!" Song Lan scolded. 

"What? It's what he's doing with him." She gestured towards Xue Yang. "Not that Daozhang's judgment is poor, but his judgment is a little different."

Xue Yang cut in. "His judgment is fucking better than that! And if he and Song Zichen are going to run a damn sect together, I have no doubt that all judgment will be fair and just." He clenched his fists. If it wasn't for Xiao Xingchen he'd be dead, thought Xiao Xingchen did try to kill him once, he decided to ignore that. 

Both Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen gave him a strange look. Song Lan's Was more of disbelief while Xiao Xingchen's was somewhere between approval and shock. Xue Yang turned away from them.

A-Qing was silent as well. Xue Yang assumed she either ran out of points to argue, or didn't want to argue this subject with Xue Yang. "I've said all I want to say on this subject. I'm going to go make sure everything we need is packed." And with that, Xue Yang left the discussion and the room.

He went to his room and rummaged through the weapons he'd collected deciding which to bring and which to leave. If he gave one to Xiao Xingchen, he had a chance of getting it back once he was locked up. Jin Guangyao knew which one's Xue Yang usually had on him so he'd have to pick one that Jin Guangyao wouldn't expect to collect from Xue Yang.

He decided on one of the daggers he'd collected in the market a year ago. As he was putting some of them away he came across a couple drawing of Xiao Xingchen he'd made. He grabbed them and carefully folded them, tucking them away. When he put the rest away he noticed one of them was missing. The one where Xiao Xingchen was on the moon ignoring him as he bled out reaching up to Xiao Xingchen for help. He finally understood the meaning behind why he drew that one. But where did it go? 

Now wasn't really the time to figure it out. He put everything away, grabbed Xiao Xingchen an extra set of robes and left the room. He handed Xiao Xingchen the robes with the,dagger tucked inside. Xiao Xingchen put them in his sleeve for later.

"Are we about ready to go? It's not a long journey but I do think having sone down time later will be better." Xue Yang grabbed Shanghua and Jiangzai from the corner. He attempted to grab Fuxue but was repelled backwards. 

Xiao Xingchen caught him and helped him up. "Are you alright?" Xue Yang nodded. "Zichen's sword only lets a select few touch it." He grabbed it and handed it to Song Lan. 

"Correction. It only lets people it trusts and have good intentions touch it. Or, if you believe in it, my soul mate. I don't believe that though, some creep told me that about both mine and Xingchen's swords after we saved his life. Said he was a spiritual weapon expert." He took the sword. 

Xue Yang chuckled finding the story mildly amusing. "I doubt it. Let me guess, he said he'd charge you if you didn't save his life?"

Both Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan nodded. "That really was a strange day," Xiao Xingchen said.

"Either way, you're never going to be able to touch Fuxue." Song Lan glared at him.

"Fine by me." He shrugged.

He heard Song Lan whisper to Xiao Xingchen. "Did you allow him access to your sword?"

Xiao Xingchen responded with, "No. He was here for a while, we went night hunting and he'd carry it for me. That's why I never drew the conclusion that he was Xue Yang."

"Hmm." Song Lan appeared to go into deep thought. "Perhaps your sword isn't as guarded as you thought?"

"I think it got used to his presence. A-Qing can also use it, though I prefer she doesn't."

"Interesting," was all Song Lan responded with. He examined Shanghua from a distance.

"Are we almost ready?" Xue Yang attatched Jiangzai to his waist. "I'm not flying a sword. It could leave some sort of presence or something."

"Aren't you being overly cautious about this?" Song Lan crossed his arms.

"Hardly. That bastard's a manipulative, backstabbing, lying, mastermind, who knows how to get what he wants. He already suspects something's up with us so as long as you pretend you didn't know it was me until the last minute, we're fine. If he knew I was associated with you guys, say goodbye to that dream sect forever." 

Song Lan still seemed as though he didn't believe Xue Yang but didn't press any further at the moment. He went outside with A-Qing giving her some safety tips. Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang weren't far behind. 

After another ten or so minutes, Song Lan mounted Fuxue and helped A-Qing onto it. She wobbled for a few moments before catching her balance. Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang  mounted Shanghua waiting for Song Lan to go first. Then, they were off.

Chapter Text

They weren't flying for long before A-Qing almost fell off again. Song Lan held her up, making sure she was stable. Xiao Xingchen moved closer so that he or Xue Yang could help stabilize her if needed.

"Ya know, if you're going to be assuming the role of first deciple, you need to be able to balance properly on a sword."

"This is my first time. Give me a break!"

After hours of flying, they landed near an inn outside of Lanling. The sun was almost set, the sky turning red and orange in its light. Both Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen sheathed their swords. Xue Yang wandered to the back of the inn.

"I'll meet you guys inside. Can't risk being seen," he yelled whilst rounding a corner.

Xiao Xingchen nodded despite knowing Xue Yang couldn't see him. "Don't get lost!" He called after him.

Xue Yang poked his head around the corner. "I'll make sure to do just that, Daozhang. I'm already struggling to find the back of this place. How could I possibly hope not to get lost." He grinned at Xiao Xingchen. Xiao Xingchen loved that grin, childish, sweet, and innocent. Something that he had a hard time believing could come from Xue Yang.

Xiao Xingchen let out a laugh, gaining a strange look from Song Lan. He often got that look from his friend when he laughed. It was strange, to say the least. "You're right. I had too high of expectations for you. I suppose I should've rescued a lifeform of higher intelligence three years ago."

"Hey!" Xue Yang feigned an offended look, but his grin broke through. Xiao Xingchen was caught in a fit of laughter now. "I'm smarter than I look! You just haven't gotten a good look at me yet. 'Sides, you never judged my intelligence prior to me giving you eyes."

"Come now, you should already know how judgmental I am."

Xiao Xingchen was about to say more when Xue Yang spoke. "I know how poor your judgment is." He chuckled.

"Really? It can't be that bad."

"Well, you picked A-Qing up off the streets for starters. Didn't she try to steal your money?" He moved a little closer to them again.

A-Qing made a sound of protest. "Don't drag me into this!"

"You know you enjoy it too, Blindie," Xue Yang said. "And on top of that, you decided to save my sorry ass from deaths door." 

''That was a mistake on my part. I really shouldn't have taken in a random stranger." Xiao Xingchen moved closer to Xue Yang.

"Really, Daozhang. You were so careless. I could've killed you in your sleep if I wanted to." His eyes shown playfully. Not too much different from how they looked when he'd fight Xiao Xingchen.

"No. You couldn't even walk. How would you have killed me?" Xiao Xingchen stood in front of him now with his head tilted to the side.

He leaned in closer to Xiao Xingchen. "Never underestimate me, Daozhang." After he spoke, he pecked Xiao Xingchen's lips playfully. He then chuckled, face resting on a playful grin and bright eyes as he turned and went back to finding a route in.

Xiao Xingchen turned back to Song Lan and went over to him. "Let's head in." Song Lan nodded, picked up A-Qing, and headed for the door. "How many rooms should we get, I'm broke."

Song Lan shrugged. "I've got enough for two, maybe three if we pull some strings."

"Mn. We'll stick with two. I've got materials for makeshift beds if need be." He held up three qiankun pouches. 

Song Lan nodded, opening the doors. He held it for Xiao Xingchen to go in first. Once he was inside, Song Lan entered with A-Qing. 

They were immediately greeted with the sounds of chatter and livelihood. A man came over to them. "And what can I do for the two young masters today?" 

Song Lan spoke up. "We'd like two rooms for the night." He held out the payment which the man took.

The man nodded. "Right this way." He kead them up a flight of stairs and down a hall before opening two rooms. "Enjoy your stay," he said as he walked off.

Song Lan went into the one closer to the end of the hall, leaving Xiao Xingchen in the hall. Xiao Xingchen went in and immediately went to the window hoping to spot Xue Yang, but he didn't. His window was facing the front of the building, meaning Xue Yang couldn't just climb through.

While he was waiting, his mind went back to Xue Yang's smirk and the playful look in his eyes. Maybe he really never did hate Xiao Xingchen. He barely acted differently from when the two were at odds. The only difference is that they weren't trying to kill each other anymore. Well, kill wasn't quite right. Teach and lecture were more correct. Both of them were trying to get the other to see from their perspective and understand. Xue Yang never actually killed him even when he had the opportunity to do so. And he often did, though there was one time that Xiao Xingchen still found himself pondering, and sometimes Xue Yang found himself pondering the same.

________________________

A few years back, Xiao Xingchen had found himself in a sorry state after one of the worst night hunts he'd ever been on. Some of the old wounds inflicted on him by Xue Yang had opened up as well as fresh wounds from the creatures he'd fought. He wasn't quite sure what they were, but they definitely weren't corpses or anything of the sort. Sone sort of monster, perhaps. Didn't matter now, he'd eradicated them.

After that, he'd been wandering a mildly deserted path, looking for herbs that could help his wounds. Song Lan was off at Baixue Temple for some sort of feast that Xiao Xingchen wasn't able to attend due to chasing Xue Yang, so he'd decided to handle some issues in his current location. 

He wasn't sure when, but at some point, he ended up collapsing on the ground. His hands were full with herbs and a piece of paper explaining how to properly prepare them when he collapsed. 

When he woke up, his hands were empty, and he was no longer on a road but rather on grass, which he found was far more comfortable. He wasn't quite sure how he got there. He was then propped up against a rock by a pair of hands. When he regained a bit more consciousness, he opened his eyes enough to see a dark figure next to him, holding a hastily carved bowl.

''Zichen?" He asked drearily. But that wasn't right. This person wasn't Zichen.

He shook his head as he headed a familiar voice to speak. "No." The voice was aggressive and irritated as though this wasn't the first time he'd asked that question. 

"Sorry," Xiao Xingchen said before everything went black again. 

It wasn't long before he was woken up to something cold jabbing inro his skin, the hilt of a sword. He opened his eyes more, and this time, his vision allowed him to make out more of the physical features of this man. He looked vaguely familiar, but Xiao Xingchen couldn't pin it.

He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by an agitated voice. "Drink this." The wooden bowl from earlier was aggressively pressed to his lips. He tried smelling it. "Dammit, Xiao Xingchen! Just drink the damn medicine! You're not allowed to die!"

Between recognizing the herbs and being yelled at by someone who clearly knew him, he parted his lips enough to drink the awful tasting medicine. Why was someone he knew on such a deserted path? He didn't have much time to think before passing out again. 

When he woke up again, everything was much clearer. His thoughts functioned properly, and he could finally feel everything around him. He could feel the pain he was in, but realized how much better it was compared to when he first passed out. His wounds were bandaged and mostly healed, though his spiritual energy was weak. As long as he doesn't run into trouble, he's fine.

Except when he opened his eyes, trouble was staring down at him in the form of Xue Yang. He wore an unreadable, conflicted expression. Once his senses fully returned, Xiao Xingchen snapped his eyes fully open. Xue Yang's expression immediately shifted to something cruel yet playful. Xiao Xingchen attempted to study his eyes, only glimpsing a sliver of something that wasn't dark.

He immediately went to reach for Shanghua only to find that it wasn't on him. He backed up until he was sitting flat against the rock. He sank further down in an attempt to stand up when he felt a searing pain in his midsection. Hissing, he propped himself upright again. Xue Yang's face shifted to concern then agitation. 

"Why are you here!" Xiao Xingchen demanded glaring at Xue Yang.

"Why can't I be?" Xue Yang responded leisurely. 

"What are you planning on doing with me?" There was a hind of uneasiness in Xiao Xingchen's voice when he spoke.

"Whatever I feel like." He moved closer to Xiao Xingchen. "But don't worry, I'm in a good mood." His voice rang tauntingly in Xiao Xingchen's ears. 

"You're cruel, attempting to hurt someone when they're down and injured." He attempted to stand, finding it painful. 

"Carefull, you might tear something. We wouldn't want that, especially after all the effort put into fixing you." His voice came off as sarcastic, but for a second, Xiao Xingchen thought he heard something like worry.

"How would you know how much effort was put into healing me? You probably killed whoever did it!" Xue Yang looked him in the eyes for a moment before he burst out laughing, and that was confirmation enough for Xiao Xingchen. 

He was about to say something when Xue Yang spoke. "You think I killed the one that helped you? Who would wander this path and care to help someone and stick around for a week?" Xiao Xingchen was silent in an attempt to think. "No one! No one except me. And no one except me decided to patch you up. Do you know why?"

"So you can have the pleasure of killing me yourself?" Xiao Xingchen spat.

"Exactly! Why would I want someone else to kill you? That's my job." Xue Yang smirked. 

"Why didn't you just kill me? I was easy prey. Even if I put up a fight, you would've been able to stop me."

"That's not fun. I want to be able to have a fair, fun fight with you to determine who's stronger. Killing you while you're down, as much as I'd love to, doesn't sound fun unless I put you there."

He crouched down next to him and forced Xiao Xingchen's chin upwards. Xiao Xingchen tried to refuse, but Xue Yang's grip was too strong for Xiao Xingchens' current physical state. Xue Yang forced something bitter tasting into his mouth, which he tried to spit out before recognizing it as his medicine that he'd been attempting to make before everything went black.

With the knowledge that Xue Yang wasn't intending to kill him right now, Xiao Xingchen swallowed the medicine. He watched Xue Yang intently as we reached into one of his pouches and pulled out bandages. Xue Yang went over to Xiao Xingchen again, bent down, and reached for Xiao Xingchen's loosely put on robes. 

Xiao Xingchen flinched, trying to move away, but Xue Yang stopped him. "Don't fucking move! Do you your wounds to get better or worse? Make your pick!" 

Xiao Xingchen wanted to retaliate buy didn't. There was a good chance Xue Yang would stay until Xiao Xingchen was at almost full strength, if Xiao Xingchen waited, he could apprehend him then and take him to Lanling. He'd just need to cooperate and let himself heal. Xue Yang still didn't seem to want to hurt him so he supposed it didn't matter right now. All he needed was another day or two.

He didn't understand what was going on at the motion, but if it wasn't a threat, things would become a bit more complicated. He now knew some things. One was that Xue Yang was completely insane. The second was that Xiao Xingchen wanted to know more about how Xue Yang's brain worked. In these next two days he'd take advantage of that. 

He let Xue Yang remove his robes to reveal carefully bandaged wounds though the bandages were soaked with old blood. He heard a sigh from Xue Yang, maybe one of contentment at the sight of Xiao Xingchen so injured. 

Xue Yang carefully removed the bandages revealing half healed wounds which appeared to be cauterized. At least they weren't bleeding, but those would most likely leave scars. Xiao Xingchen wondered how he'd managed to stay unconscious through that, and why Xue Yang made and effort of heal him. He didn't fully believe what Xue Yang said but it was mostly truth,  and he knew that despite knowing Xue Yang to be a liar.

Xiao Xingchen looked away from his wounds and away from Xue Yang. He didn't want to think about what was happening right now because the second he healed fully, they'd most likely end up fighting again. He'd already made it to two provinces, how many more could they get through before one is either dead or captured. He was almost certain it was fun for Xue Yang and that Xue Yang simply didn't want to give up his fun, so instead he decided to help Xiao Xingchen to keep that fun.

He felt some sort of salve being put on his wounds, though Xue Yang wasn't very gentle. Xiao Xingchen presumed he'd intentionally pressed harder on the wounds as a way to mildly torture Xiao Xingchen, which he confirmed when he glanced over and saw a playful look in Xue Yangs eyes. He sighed, which came out as more of a pained noice, as he turned his head away. 

He mumbled a quiet, "thank you," before drifting into sleep.

That was the last thing he remembered before waking up to an empty field. He found that he was no longer on a rock but resting on what appeared to be Xue Yang's outer robes and some of his own clothes which he noticed were cleaned and sewn together. His bandages were clean and his outer robe was loosely draped over him. But Xue Yang was gone. If he didn't have the robes, he'd say it was all a fever dream.

He waited for a few hours, before deciding to get up. It was better if he could avoid confrontation with Xue Yang until he was completely healed. He grabbed both his and Xue Yang's robes absent-mindedly, put his on, and headed towards the nearest town in hopes of finding a place to rest.

He kept wondering why Xue Yang hadn't just killed him. He's glad he's not dead but why of all people was it Xue Yang? He couldn't figure it out. If he could guess, Xue Yang had been playing a game with him and it wasn't over, thus Xiao Xingchen couldn't die. He'd ponder this question for years after this incident.

________________________

Xiao Xingchen was woken out of his thoughts to a loud thump from across the hall. He abruptly stood up and went to investigate. Song Lan was already out and creeping towards the room they heard it from. 

"Do you know what might have made that noise?' Song Lan looked at him in hopes of an answer. 

"Either Xue Yang or someone staying across the hall..." Xiao Xingchen looked uncertain yet hopeful.

They knocked on the door gaining no response. Song Lan opened it cautiously, sword at the ready. They both looked around examining the room. The bed was in the corner, in front of the window was a table and atop the table was an incense burner. There was a poorly made woven rug beneath the table streting to under the bed amd to there left there was a long dresser with a mirror and lamp on it. 

The room was completely empty. Song Lan walked around checking everything over only to come back with no idea of what caused the sound. Xiao Xingchen decided to check everything himself to be sure, but he too, found nothing. He returned to his friend. 

"Let's go check on A-Qing." He put a hand on Song Lan's shoulder.

Song Lan have a curt nod. The two walked across the hall to Song Lan's room. They went in to find A-Qing sleeping on the bed.

"Don't worry, she was sleeping when I left to investigate." Song Lan turned his head to Xiao Xingchen for a brief moment before looking back to A-Qing. 

"Ah," was all Xiao Xingchen had to say. 

Xiao Xingchen went to table and lit an insence that somehow reminded him faintly of Xue Yang's scent. He sat down by the table and sighed. Xue Yang really should've been back by now.

Song Lan walked over and sat across from him."You miss him, don't you?"

"Not particularly. I don't miss him, I'm just worried about him." Xiao Xingchen looked down avoiding eye contact. 

"Worried about the fact that he's not back? Or are you worried about what's going to happen tomorrow?" His voice was solemn for reasons Xiao Xingchen didn't quite know.

Xiao Xingchen took a moment to think. "Both. What if the Jins already found him? If they didn't, what if Jin Guangyao favors for his execution? What he's lost to the Jins and we don't get our sect? Zichen, there's so many things that could go wrong."

Song Lan took a deep breath. "It could go wrong, yes, but he's Xue Yang and your Xiao Xingchen. You've never done a bad thing in your life, and he's managed to live thus far. Even if he's on the brink of death, I doubt he'll die. He's got a reason for living. He always has, and the subject of that reason hasn't changed it years.... I suppose only the intentions changed..." Song Lan paused as if struggling to say what he wanted to say. Finally, he spoke. "He- he at least likes you but- well- Xingchen, he loves you. It's hard to see, yet so hard to miss once you see it, and I've seen it. This," he gestured to open air. "Setting up a meeting and doing all the background stuff, sacrificing himself in a sense, and putting himself in danger, proves it."

Xiao Xingchen was silent. He'd noticed that Song Lan was slowly becoming more accepting of Xue Yang, but he wasn't expecting this conversation to go this way. He wasn't sure he had a response, so instead he just nodded.

They sat in silence for a while before Song Lan spoke, "you really love him, don't you?"

Xiao Xingchen nodded. "Yes, I do."

"Even after everything he's done to you, and me, and theChang Clan?" There was no negatively in his voice, only curousity. 

Xiao Xingchen had known for a while that Song Lan was quite interested in how Xiao Xingchen's moral compase worked, so he knew that Song Lan was asking this question to gain a better understanding. "Yes. Those incidents, while bad, had a reason. There are a couple of reasons, actually, which I'll let him tell you when he's ready. Sone of it, though, was a cry for help, in the only way he knew how. I think I've loved him, or at least felt something towards him sor some time. I've been thinking about it since that one time you left me alone to go back to Baixue Temple and you found me in a village wearing slightly different clothes and some black ones as well."

Song Lan looked confused for a moment. "Why since then? You told me they were a gift to you. How does this correlate to Xue Yang?"

"Technically, they were a gift, and this has almost everything to do with Xue Yang. This is where I stopped blindly hating him and stared to want to understand him more because I didn't." He looked away, trying to avoid seeing the inevitable look of disappointment from Song Lan.

Song Lan, however, didn't look disappointed as much as he did confused. "Why? How? Why act like you thought he was disgusting? Why turn him in?"

Xiao Xingchen looked back to see Song Lan's condused expression. "Well, he saved my life. And until I gained full consciousness, I vaguely remember him being kind and patient. But of course, he was still disgusting to me, and turning him in was only fair for his actions."

Song Lan appeared to be mildly dumbstruck. It took him a few moments to process everything. "So, when I left for Baixue Temple, you got hurt in a night hunt to the point where you were going to die, and Xue Yang saved you?" He looked as though he didn't believe Xiao Xingchen.

"Yes." Xiao Xingchen half smiled at Song Lan, trying to understand his train of thought. "He must have found me on the side of the road, if I can call it that after I passed out while looking for herbs. I'm assuming he took my recipe and ingredients I'd already collected to make the salve for my wounds. He then must've rummaged through my robes to find the other recipe I'd collected for along the way because I remember drinking it. Even after I was fully aware, he did nothing to harm me." He paused for a moment, trying to remember everything. "I woke up after that and found he was gone, so I absent-mindedly grabbed both robes and left with a new confusion and curiosity."

Song Lan staredcat him speechless for quite some time. "Did-... did he ever hate you?"

"You should ask him that one. I know there was a point at which I despised him and found him disgusting and immoral, but I don't believe he's like that at all." Xiao Xingchen smiled.

"I don't understand. Why is it that you can forgive him of everything he's done?" Song Lan started looking mildly agitated.

Xiao Xingchen thought for a moment as he didn't want to give an inappropriate response to Song Lan's mood. "Well, I suppose it's because he hasn't actually harmed me, or really anyone else in the last three years. I mean, it's in his nature, but I really think he enjoys the domestic type of life we have, and most of all, the family he's found. It's helped him. He's actually very likable under his cold exterior."

Song Lan nodded, trying to understand Xiao Xingchen. That was always one thing Xiao Xingchen never took for granted with Song Lan. He always tried his hardest to understand those close to him. That was a trait Xiao Xingchen hadn't possessed for very long and didn't quite understand. He'd always seen black and white with only a couple shades of gray. Song Lan was similar except when it came to people he cared about, then there was the whole color spectrum.

"Hmm..." Was all Song Lan said. 

"You don't have to like him, or even forgive him, but can you at least tolerate him?" Xiao Xingchen grabbed Song Lan's hand in between his. "For me. It would mean so much if you at least tolerated him."

Song Lan nodded. "I'll try. But if je tries anything." Xiao Xingchen nodded. "I won't kill him for your sake, but he'll get what's coming to him."

"Got it, but-" He was cut off by another loud thump. "Ok, something or someone is in that room." He got up heading towards the door, Song Lan in tow. "Stay with A-Qing. If it's something dangerous, I need you to get her to safety." Song Lan nodded curtly. "Good." Xiao Xingchen left.

He cautiously approached the room again. Just as he neared the door, it abruptly opened revealing a dark figure. Xiao Xingchen sighed a breath of relief the second he saw what it was. He went up to the man in front of him and hugged him. 

"What took you so long?" Xiao Xingchen looked at Xue Yang with concern and curiosity.

"There was patrol here." He chuckled. "Guess Jin Guangyao wants to make sure nothing goes amiss for your arrival." He pulled away from the hug. "Well, he's probably got them there because of me. Now the whole world knows I'm alive and Jiang Cheng convinced them I've kidnapped you which only lessened after your request for a meeting with the head of the cultivation world." 

"Do you think he suspects something?" Xiao Xingchen was mildly concerned. If Jin Guangyao knew the truth, he'd be in danger, but worse than that, Song Lan and A-Qing would be in danger. To make matters worse, Xue Yang was already in danger, especially after freeing Song Lan. The cultivation world has to have questions about that, how could they not? "Who am I kidding, he suspects something, everyone suspects something's amiss with us."

Xue Yang grabbed Xiao Xingchen's hand and gave the best reassuring smile he could muster. "Daozhang, we'll be fine. You turning me in is an obvious sign that we're enemies."

"But he saw us." Xiao Xingchen gestured between them. "And worse, he knows there's something between us. He knows we know he's cruel, and since we have you, he's threatened by the fact that you know, so we know. He took Song Lan, do you not think he'll suspect something?"

"I know he does, but trust me, he won't bring all of it up in the meeting unless he wishes to reveal a part of his scheme. And aside from that, I can easily convince him I was trying with and manipulating you. He'll believe it, eventually." He pulled something out of his qiankun pouch.

Xiao Xingchen examined it from a distance. It wasn't anything he'd seen before, nor was it in a pouch he recognized. "What's that?"

"A journal of sorts. You can use it against me in the meeting if need be. But before you open it, it's not old, but I promise you, this isn't how I feel about you and A-Qing. This is just my coping mechanism so I don't go crazy and dye Yi City in red." He held it out to Xiao Xingchen.

Xiao Xingchen nodded slowly taking the book. "So I shouldn't take anything in it personally?"

"No. But there are some things in there you might not like. Giving you this is my way of showing that what's in there isn't true and doesn't matter. I don't want you to think everything in there is true, no matter what I say tomorrow. This," Xue Yang said as he tapped the book. "And your blindness is our key." He kissed Xiao Xingchen's eyes.

Xiao Xingchen nodded. "Let's head to Song Lan, and A-Qing's room so Song Lan doesn't get worried." 

"Alright Daozhang. Lead the way." He put a jand out gesturing for Xiao Xingchen to direct him.

They went across the hall to Song Lan and A-Qing's room. Xiao Xingchen opened the door and was greeted by a relieved look from Song Lan. He got up and went over to Xiao Xingchen and pulling him onto the room. When he noticed Xue Yang he did the same.

"There's still something or someone out there, be careful and stay quiet." Song Lan was visibly ill at ease for reasons Xiao Xingchen didn't yet comprehend.

"Was it not just Xue Yang?" Xiao Xingchen tilted his head as he gestured to Xue Yang.

"Not him. If it was, we'd have found him the first time." He gestured ambiguous toward the direction if both Xue Yang and the door. 

Xue Yang toom a step clothes and lowered his voice. "There's a group of deciples patrolling this area. That fucking rat's probably worried I haven't left Lanling." He smirked. Xiao Xingchen reckoned it was due to the fact that they were practically in Lanling at this point.

"So that was the mysterious thump we heard earlier?" Song Lan asked this question in a mocking and endearing way.

"Hell no." Xue Yang crossed his arms and gave Song Lan a death glare. "That was me. I had to get away so I climbed up to the window and fucking fell in. When the two of you approached I thought you were more of that dammed patrol group so I q umped back out the window." He gestured toward the window.

Xiao Xingchen grabbed Xue Yang's shoulder which caused Xue Yang to partially relax. "Let's all take a breath and calm down. There was a group of Jins. Xue Yang, understandably, didn't want to be seen so he stayed hidden. He thought we were the patrol group and opted to stay hidden."

Song Lan huffed and spoke in a harsh tone of voice. "So why didn't he come in sooner? What was he up to? There's no way he was just trying to Fina a way in!" He glared at Xue Yang. "Xingchen, I know you see good in him, for some ungodly reason, but I don't think he was just trying to find a way in for an hour!"

Xue Yang's face contorted to a pissed expression and hus tone was agitated and sarcastic. "You know what? You're fucking right! I took a nice little trip into town, killed some civilians for sport, decided to go play around a a brothel because Xiao Xingchen isn't fucking good enough. Then I decided, why not visit my good ol' pal Jin Guangyao while I'm at it? Maybe tell him about just how close my Xiao-Xing and I really are. What the fuck do you think I was doing?!" He grabbed Xiao Xingchen's arm and squeezed the life out of it in an attempt to suppress his anger or take hus anger out on it.

Xiao Xingchen didn't mind this. He knew that Xue Yang's coping methods were either murder, genocide, other thibgs along those lines, and being close to someone or something that can immediately keep him calm just by being there. Xiao Xingchen placed his hand on one of Xue Yang's reassuringly, though it had little merit. Xue Yang placed his head on Xiao Xingchen's shoulder and attempted to burry ihis face in Xiao Xingchen's neck. He wasn't able to due to the mildly awkward angle he was on. Xiao Xingchen relocated his hand to Xue Yang's head.

It took a few moments for Song Lan to speak again, no doubt finally taking some time to assess the situation and take into consideration different aspects of the situation. His fists clenched as he spoke. "I hope you know what you're doing Xiao Xingchen. You don't always make decisions rationally. This may be one of them."

"Zichen, rationality doesn't always matter. Sometimes, you just need to go with what you're gut tells you." Xiao Xingchen adjusted himself so that Xue Yang was more comfortable. "And I think this is where I want to be. It's not fair on you, I know that, but after everything, can't we just burry the hatchet?" Xiao Xingchen gave Song Lan a pleading look.

He really couldn't afford this. The truth is that the three of them will be living together and if these two can't get along, Xiao Xingchen was stuck between a rock and a hard place with the two of them. He worried that one or both of them would make him have to choose one over the other. He didn't want to choose. He loved both of them. How could he choose between his friend and his lover? The decision would seem easy at a glance but the difference between anyone else in that scenario and Xiao Xingchen's situation is that his lover was a wanted criminal, someone akin to the worst of demons and his friend was a mildly crabby saint with unwavering ideals and virtues. How was he ever going to get those two to get along?

He only got along with Xue Yang after living with him for three years, a couple mental breakdowns and some workd-shattering realizations. If he'd known from the start, would they be where they are, or would Xue Yang be dead by now? He said he'd still have saved Xue Yang if he'd known it was him, but would he have? It was right after Baixue Temple, he might have killed Xue Yang on the spot. Or he would've let some of his darkness take over, nurse Xue Yang back to health just to kill him properly himself. But he never wanted to kill Xue Yang by his own hands, he'd rather turn him in.

This was a matter he'd have to ponder later. He just wanted the bickering and bitterness to end. He wanted to sleep, wanted to get a few more hours with Xue Yang before he may never see him again, though he wished that untrue. 

Song Lan spoke up voice firm yet conveying grief, sadness, guilt, and loneliness. "No. Have you forgotten what he's done? To me? To you? To the Changs? To my family and temple?! I can't just forgive and forget and be exited to go on with life." He pointed to Xue Yang. "He did that! Does he deserve any of this? Is it fair that after all of that, he gets to settle down in a little home with one of the most virtuous and just cultivators out there and live a normal life? Is it fair that he gets to have a normal life after that? How can he love? How can you love him? How can he be allowed to love and be loved Xiao Xingchen? How?"

Xiao Xingchen could feel Xue Yang's anger spike as if something snapped in him as if he'd finally lost it. He was clinging to Xiao Xingchen tightly as though Xiao Xingchen was his only pillar left supporting him before he fully broke. All he did was glare at Song Lan, his eyes, no doubt, allowing him to decide the best way to kill or maim the cultivator across from them. If Song Lan continued, who knows what Xue Yang will do.

Xiao Xingchen spoke loudly and urgently. "Zichen, stop ple-!"

He was cut off by Song Lan. "He shouldn't be allowed any of that! He's vile by nature and cruel of heart!"

"Shut. Your. Fucking. Mouth. You asshole." Xue Yang's voice was low and threatening. "You know nothing about me. You have no idea what I've been through! So don't make any fucking assumptions about me!"

Xiao Xingchen cupped Xue Yangs face and whisperedto him. "Xue Yang, please. Let me handle this. I know you want to fight your own battles but I don't want anyone physically hurt, ok?" Xue Yang hesitantly nodded and Xiao Xingchen smiled. "Good." He gave Xue Yang a brief kiss to the forehead before turning to Song Lan.

He knew this was going to be a though argument to win, but he knew he would. "Zichen, I believe you are incorrect. I'm well aware of what he has done, I am not dumb. However, that doesn't make him incapable of emotions nor does it make him undeserving of them. It's a basic human right to love and be loved. Xue Yang no matter how evil, is still a human and deserves to live a normal life and experience normalcy. His nature is not vile, nor is his heart cruel."

Song Lan looked almost betrayed. "I know you have this thing with him." He gestured to them. "And I at least hope you'd know his nature and what he deserves, but Xingchen, how correct are you? Just how accurate is your judgment."

"Song Zichen!" Xiao Xingchen was getting agitated. He didn't want to have this argument. "Why can't you truustme? Xue Yang risked quite a bit to save you and now he's risking more! My judgment is fine, he hasn't warped my mind. Just please, don't argue about this right now. A-Qing's asleep and I'm tired. Now is not the time and neither is tomorrow, ok?"

Song Lan nodded. "Fine."

"When we get back, we'll discuss this civilly. For now, can we discuss what we're going to do tomorrow?"

"Yes." Song Lan sat down by the table and gestured for the other two to join him.

Before he could say anything, Xue Yang pulled out a scroll with a whole bunch of information on it. "This is everything he knows and hid possible motives. The best thing I can say is, turn a blind eye to everything bad about Jin Guangyao, and show me as little mercy as possible. Song Zichen, you'll need to let him know that you understand why he did what he did, or pretend you were forced to forget it. I'll back you up on that. Xingchen, I'm going to tell you a truth of sorts that I haven't told you. Right now, all I'll say is that I'm sorry I made you do that."

Song Lan snapped his head to Xue Yang, eyes narrowing. "What did you make Xiao Xingchen do?"

"Something I probably shouldn't have, but it was years ago and in my defense, that was back when I still wanted to ruin him, and make him wish he'd never crossed me. But I don't want to do that anymore. Anyhow." Xue Yang clapped his hands together with a smile on his face, one that's been there for some time and was visibly making Song Lan uncomfortable. "That's what I've got for you, read it over."

Xiao Xingchen looked to Xue Yang. What had Xue Yang made him do? Should he be worried, mad, upset? He wasn't sure, but as he's said, it doesn't matter if it's in the past. Xue Yang's improved as a person, he still deserves this chance Xiao Xingchen is giving him.

He picked up the paper. "When did you have time to put this together?"

"While you were sleeping a few nights ago. I figured it'd be useful." Xue Yang shrugged.

Song Lan looked confused. "Why? What purpose?"

"Because I wanted to." He got up walking to a more secluded part of the room. "You two discuss, I'm taking a nap." He sat down in a corner curled his knees into himself and dozed off.

Xiao Xingchen turned to Song Lan after Xue Yang adjusted himself. He handed him the scroll. "This has a list of all his crimes, and how to avoid accidentally bringing them up as well as some tips on how to keep him from getting angry."

Song Lan looked it over. "I'm surprised he put this together for you." He sounded sonewhere between bewildered and amused.

"I'm not. I'm impressed he managed it in such a short time. All of it, even this meeting. He's showing significant signs of improvement." Xiao Xingchen smiled as he turned fondly to Xue Yang, who was sleeping in the corner.

He couldn't help but think of how cute Xue Yang looked sleeping. He looked so peaceful sleeping, unlike how he looks during average days. Xiao Xingchen had noticed that something was always troubling Xue Yang during his waking hours unless he was significantly distracted, which rarely happened.

"Hm?" Song Lan looked over to Xue Yang as well. "What do you mean?"

"He's been less violent and stabby." Xiao Xingchen made a stabbing motion with his hand. "He's helped on many accounts, both us and civilians. It doesn't make up for what he's done, but it's a good sign. He tells me the crimes he's going to commit before doing them, so that's improvement too. Obviously not perfect, but honestly, Zichen, I don't know if I want him to change. He hasn't really changed either. This is just how he is when he's actually cared for." Xiao Xingchen smiled at Song Lan as he hesitantly turned his gaze away from Xue Yang.

Song Lan took a deep breath. "Xingchen, I want you to be happy. Does he make you happy?"

"Yes. I love him." Xiao Xingchen didn't miss a beat responding.

"If tolerating him means I won't lose our friendship, I'll do it. But please, Xingchen, if he shows any signs of a threat, don't ignore them." 

"I won't. I think I had this conversation with him once. Maybe. I can't remember, but he knows too." Xiao Xingchen was very certain of the last part, and he knew Song Lan knew as much.

Chapter Text

Xue Yang woke up to the feeling of being picked up. His first instinct was to panic and try to get away, so he bit the arm of the person grabbing him as his senses came back to him. He heard someone off to the side make an alarmed sound and could sense panic and dread from them.

Still biting the arm, Xue Yang looked up to see Xiao Xingchen looking at him with a smile. He spoke with a mouth full of fabric. "Sorry." He then let go and allowed Xiao Xingchen to pick him up.

Once he was up he noticed Song Lan was suppressing a glare. He was too tired to care and instead leaned against Xiao Xingchen closing his eyes. He did however make sure to smirk at Song Lan as a way to spite him.

"It's alright," Xiao Xingchen said in a soft soothing tone. He turned to Song Lan. "Thank you, Zichen. We're going to turn in for the night."

Song Lan nodded faintly bowing. "Goodnight Xingchen."

"Goodnight Zichen." Xiao Xingchen returned the bow best he could before leaving the room.

He went to his and Xue Yang's room opening the door and carrying Xue Yang to the bed. When he set Xue Yang down Xue Yang could feel just how expensive these beds had to be. He'd only had a comfortable bed like this during his stay in Lanling, though he often found himself on the floor anyway. He felt around to feel just how soft the blankets were. Definitely used, but extremely soft, was his conclusion.

Xue Yang took off his outer robes and placed them off to the side. Xiao Xingchen, who was previously watching Xue Yang study the fabric and bed quality, did the same shortly after. He helped Xue Yang take his hair down, which Xue Yang returned by taking down Xiao Xingchen's hair as well.

He stared at him watching how his hair framed his face. No matter how long he watched Xiao Xingchen, studied Xiao Xingchen, and stared at him, he always appeared beautiful. No, that wasn't right. Stunning, gorgeous, alluring, were more like it. He often found it hard to look away even when he was younger ar 'hated' Xiao Xingchen.

He was brought out of his thoughts when Xiao Xingchen sat next to Xue Yang on the bed and pulled Xue Yang into his arms.

"Daozhang," Xue Yang mumbled tiredly.

"Hm?" Xiao Xingchen hummed as he played with a strand of Xue Yang's hair.

"I'm going to miss you." Xue Yang grabbed Xiao Xingchen's hand and put it to his face feeling the warmth from it.

Xiao Xingchen squeezed his beautiful eyes shut as if trying to ignore the reality of the situation. The only way in which they can get out of another. In his tiredness, Xue Yang mourned the loss of Xiao Xingchen's beautiful eyes. 

Finally Xiao Xingchen spoke in a quiet, somber tone. "I will miss you as well..." Xiao Xingchen gazed down at him with admiration, love, regret, sadness, and guilt.

Xue Yang returned the gaze. This was love, wasn't it? He had truly fallen in love with Xiao Xingchen and Xiao Xingchen had done the same. But who would follow who in this love? Would Xiao Xingchen descend to darkness? Would Xue Yang crawl his way into the light? Or would they perhaps meet in some unknown middle?

"Xingchen," Xue Yang said, his voice still sounded tired. He wasn't sure what he was saying at this point, but he couldn't stop the words from leaving his mouth. "If I die, please don't forget me, okay? Don't let the world change you either. It doesn't deserve you, but it shouldn't change you. You're stupidly perfect as you are." Xue Yang turned to face Xiao Xingchen and just hugged him as tight as possible, trying to be as close as possible. "And I love you for that." 

Xiao Xingchen couldn't help but cry as he spoke. "I... I won't."

Xue Yang wiped his bloody tears away with his thumb. "Good." He licked the blood off his thumb getting the sweet, metallic taste of Xiao Xingchen's blood. 

"Xue Yang, please don't get yourself killed. I can't- I can't lose you, not this time." Xiao Xingchen pleaded with those beautiful eyes, eyes Xue Yang gave him.

Xue Yang gazed at them on Xiao Xingchen's perfectly proportioned face, faintly Illuminated by the moonlight. Xue Yang couldn't look away. It vaguely reminded him of the time he and Xiao Xingchen kissed by the fire. He poked Xiao Xingchen's cheek with a playful look plastered on his face. When Xiao Xingchen didn't respond, he poked again in a new spot. This continued for several minutes, Xiao Xingchen chuckling occasionally.

Through one of his chuckles, Xiao Xingchen looked down at Xue Yang. "What are you doing?" His smile was bright when he spoke.

Xue Yang couldn't resist his temptation of wanting to kiss Xiao Xingchen's beautiful smile, and his beautiful face. Xue Yang was always full of wants and temptations and he almost always acted on them. This time was no different.

He lunged at Xiao Xingchen, pinning him down as he captured his lips in a messy kiss. Xiao Xingchen was momentarily startled but quickly regained himself and returned the kiss full force. Xue Yang wrapped one arm around Xiao Xingchen the other burried in Xiao Xingchen's hair. Xiao Xingchen wrapped one arm around Xue Yang as well, his other hand went to undo Xue Yang's robes. Then before Xue Yang knew it, all he had on were his pants.

Xue Yang pulled away from Xiao Xingchen a little breathless. "Daozhang..." He looked down at his now exposed chest. He didn't particularly want to do this now, in an inn, but he wasn't going to say no to Xiao Xingchen either.

Something seemed to click in Xiao Xingchen's head. "Sorry-" He abruptly said. "I- if you don't want to- you're tired." All his sentences were almost incoherent.

Xue Yang got the memo though. "If Daozhang wants to, I won't stop you." Generally he'd be completely on board without a care for who was around, however this may be the last time they see eachother for a while, if ever again. He'd rather talk to Xiao Xingchen and be close to him than having sex.

"But you don't. And I don't mind either way. Besides, I still get nervous, so let's just wait, ok?" Xiao Xingchen gave a reassuring smile.

Xue Yang simply nodded. These conversations made him uncomfortable. He wasn't sure why, but they did. He rarely initiated such conversations and tried to avoid them at all costs. If he couldn't avoid them, he'd try to end it quickly. Emotions, and whatnot were never his strong suit. He often made himself uncomfortable thinking about the fact that, for Xiao Xingchen, he had grown soft and developed in ways he never thought possible. 

Xiao Xingchen continued to smile as he pulled Xue Yang into a hug. "Okay..." He kissed Xue Yang's forehead. "I love you, no matter what. Nothing can change that." His voice was sincere, yet Xue Yang could tell he had ulterior motives to saying this.

Xue Yang looked up to him. "Why are you saying this now?" His voice was layered with caution and weariness.

Xiao Xingchen chuckled fondly and pulled back enough to look xy in the eyes. "Because, I know you're not going to stage a crime tomorrow. I don't want you to worry. Whatever it is you're going to do, it won't change anything." Xiao Xingchen's expression was soft.

Xue Yang didn't believe him. What if his crime was so heinous that Xiao Xingchen would shun him. Somehow that thought was still more comforting that Xiao Xingchen staying by his side forever. Especially now that he had another falling out with Song Lan after he put in effort to try and maintain civility. To him, it was Song Lan's fault exclusively.

Xue Yang already knew what he was going to do, but he wasn't about to tell Xiao Xingchen. Good news, is that only about 50 people may end up dead. Of course that's dependent on when Xiao Xingchen or Song Lan show up. Maybe for fun he could even kidnap A-Qing and tie up Song Lan.

He knew Xiao Xingchen wouldn't see that number as good. That's about the same about of people he killed in the Chang Clan. Just thinking about that night sent adrenaline through his veins. Oh how he wished he could go back to that night just to feel the overwhelming satisfaction again, hear the screems of people as he tortured them. The best part was how Chang Ci'an 

"Xue Yang?" Xiao Xingchen sounded concerned and a little terrified as he slightly moved away from Xue Yang.

Xue Yang realized that he had his usual gleeful smile, that usually appeared before he committed atrocities, plastered on his face. He was also begging to chuckle. It wasn't until now that he realized how much of his darkness he suppressed when he was around Xiao Xingchen. He wasn't about to apologize though, not for thinking about having fun. He simply changed to an innocent smile and turned to Xiao Xingchen.

This however, didn't ease Xiao Xingchen at all. If anything it made him worse. "Daozhang?" He went to grab Xiao Xingchen but he backed away.

Xue Yang looked down avoiding looking at Xiao Xingchen entirely as he got up and went to go sit at the table. He propped his chin up with his hand as he stared into nothingness. 

Xiao Xingchen had probably remembered that look from when Xue Yang had confessed about the Chang Clan, and bathed Baixue Temple in red. Xue Yang was so fucking stupid. How could he think Xiao Xingchen would fully accept him. All it took was one stupid fucking look on Xue Yang's face and Xiao Xingchen was terrified. Fucking idiot, Xue Yang thought to himself.

He stood up, put his robes back on and went to leave hoping that maybe Xiao Xingchen would calm down if he left for a bit, but the second he neared the window Xiao Xingchen stopped him.

"Don't. Please." He now sounded on the verge of tears. "Don't go. Not yet." He clung desperately to Xue Yang as though if he let go Xue Yang may vanish right before his eyes and never come back. "I'm sor-"

Xue Yang cut him off. "No! You're not sorry because there's no need for you to be fucking sorry. Don't apologize!." He narrowed his eyes at Xiao Xingchen as he grabbed his arm. "It's my fault, okay? So don't fucking apologize." Why was Xiao Xingchen always apologizing for shit he didn't do? Fucking irritating. Not Xiao Xingchen, but that fact that this damn world made him think he had to.

Xiao Xingchen nodded. "Just please, don't go. This-..." He took a deep shaky breath. "This may be the last time I see you alive and get to be with you."

"We don't have to go this route,  Daozhang. If you don't want to. I just wanted to make sure you didn't  have to chis and that Jin Guangyao doesn't drag your name through the mud." 

"I don't care!" Xiao Xingchen said abruptly. "I don't care if my name is ruined, I didn't care about it to begin with. I don't care if the world hates me or treats me like scum! What I do care about is you, A-Qing and Song Lan. This is dangerous and risky, and downright ridiculous. It's mad. But I know why you're doing it and for that," His voice softened, "I thank you. I just don't want to lose you, any of you. So please, don't leave right now."

Xue Yang stood silently, mind racing. He was torn between two different things. Xiao Xingchen and some unknown feeling he was chasing. He's always been one time keep moving, always poking fun at everyone and everything, sticking his nose where it doesn't belong, and never really settling down. Xiao Xingchen made him the exact opposite. He wasn't bored, but he still wanted to chase that high he felt when he was doing what he wanted, Xiao Xingchen had to understand that. At least to an extent.

But of course right now, Xue Yang didn't need to chose because the answer was standing in front of him with desperate, pleading eyes practically begging Xue Yang to stay. The answer was in the form of a beautiful, ethereal looking cultivator, which Xue Yang inexplicably loved to death.

Xue Yang nodded as he pulled Xiao Xingchen into a hug. "I don't want people to hate you because of me, but I won't abandon you for it either. But this doesn't mean I'm okay with it. Promise me you'll try to steer clear of getting yourself mixed up with my reputation the wrong way."

"I cannot promise you that. Of it is a choice between you, and my reputation, I'll choose you,  every time. I will not ask that you stop committing crimes and attrocities, because like me, you cannot promise that you won't." His voice was stern yet gentle. Something Xue Yang thought only Xiao Xingchen could muster.

Xue Yang was silent. He knew Xiao Xingchen was right. He didn't like that he was right, but he knew he was. He'll, Xue Yang was already planning another massacre. Whether or not he actually followed through was still unknown, but he was planning it.

Xue Yang looked him in the eyes and almost faltered at the storm of emotions behind them. "Can you at least promise that you won't turn your back on me no matter what happens or what comes up tomorrow?" He was almost desperate and Xiao Xingchen's silence following the question made him anxious.

Sure, Xiao Xingchen knew how horrible Xue Yang was, but Xue Yang was almost certain that Xiao Xingchen had no idea just how bad it was, just how vile Xue Yang could be.

Xue Yang had always considered the Changs lucky. He'd used the Yin Tiger Tally to help him that night, in his mind that was going easy on them. If he hadn't wanted to test the Tiger Tally, he'd have done so much worse to them, and they fucking deserved it for what they did to him. Now, he wasn't about to tell that to Xiao Xingchen, nor was he going to tell him that he wants the rest of the Changs gone. Completely wiped off the fucking map.

Xiao Xingchen finally spoke, barely above a whisper as his hand searched for Xue Yang's left hand. "I'm not going anywhere Xue Yang." 

Xue Yang released a relieved sigh and clasped Xiao Xingchen's hand tightly. When he spoke his voice was hoarse and rough and his eyes were starting to sting a bit. "Good, because if you ever try to. I'll- I'll kill you so that no one else can ever have you. You're mine Xiao Xingchen. Got it?" Tears started falling and he couldn't pin why. "You were mine when we were enemies, and you're mine now." He burried his face into Xiao Xingchen.

He felt Xiao Xingchen nod. "I know, and I wouldn't change it." He heard the smile in Xiao Xingchen's voice and wasn't sure if he wanted to be mad or not. 

________________________

Xiao Xingchen held onto Xue Yang tightly. Sometimes talking to him was like talking to a scared traumatized child you picked up off the streets. And in all honesty, the more Xiao Xingchen thought that, the more real it seemed. He'd done just that and Xue Yang fit every box except the child part.

He could tell Xue Yang was scared a lot of the time especially away from Yi City. It'd only gotten worse when Song Lan showed up. He really felt horrible for him, to have to live like this, with little comfort or support. Sometimes, he'd forget Xue Yang lived like that but it was times like this that he remembered. Times where Xue Yang mad himself think Xiao Xingchen would leave him.

He knew Xue Yang has done more that what he's aware of and he'd already mentally prepared himself for that. It was likely that Xue Yang had never actually stopped, even during his time in Yi City, but Xiao Xingchen chose to believe that Xue Yang had mellowed out. Even if he hadn't, he believed that Xue Yang was capable of love and did love him. That. That was something Xiao Xingchen wasn't going to take from Xue Yang.

After everything, Xue Yang being capable of loving Xiao Xingchen was something Xiao Xingchen considered precious. The longer they spent knowing the truth, the more precious it seemed. Xiao Xingchen had never thought Xue Yang incapable of love but he'd never really pictured him capable of it either. And after spending so long chasing him and trying to hunt him down, it seemed less and less likely. For him to be the one Xue Yang ended up loving was absurd, but ot made sense. He wasn't going to break Xue Yang like that, not when he'd seen what happened one does. He'd grown to care too much and he'd come to know Xue Yang enough to know what happens to him mentally before he lashes out.

He'd also come to know how possessive Xue Yang can be. Of corse he knew Xue Yang's words weren't empty when he said he would kill Xiao Xingchen if he were to leave, but that didn't phase him. He had no intention of betraying Xue Yang and thus the threat meant nothing. And even if he did turn his back on Xue Yang, he'd have it coming and wouldn't be surprised or mad if Xue Yang killed him, so he simply said that he knew and wouldn't change it, because in all honesty, he wouldn't. 

Xue Yang was shaking slightly as he silently cried, probably hoping Xiao Xingchen somehow wouldn't notice. He ran his free hand through Xue Yang's hair and pulled them both down into a more comfortable position. 

These last few days habe been stressful and terrifying for everyone and today, everything was spilling over for all of them. Xiao Xingchen was doing his best to keep calm and collected, but he wanted to scream, cry, maybe even punch something. Not only could he lose Xue Yang tomorrow, he could also lose any chance at his lifelong dream and with it, possibly Song Lan, again. What would he do without Song Lan and Xue Yang? He might even lose A-Qing. They basically brought her straight into the heart of danger.

"Hey..." Xue Yang said after a while. "Daozhang?" Then he went silent again.

"Hm?" Xiao Xingchen hummed running his fingers through Xue Yang's hair.

"..Thank you..." He said, not quite a mumble.

Xiao Xingchen was confused, what was Xue Yang thanking him for? He hadn't done anything different from what he'd normally done, and Xue Yang wasn't one to show gratitude for the sake of being nice.

He continued. "For not turning me in or killing me." A long pause. "And for understanding and not leaving." His voice was quiet and a little shaky.

"Mn. You're welcome." Xiao Xingchen said gently, attempting to not sound at least a little concerned.

"And, I'd like to apologize for everything I've done to you during the time we've been living together. I thought it was funny, still do." He paused again. "You wouldn't approve, or like it. I'd once hoped it'd break you, but now I wish I'd never done it. You won't be happy, you'll probably hate me too."

"No, I won't hate you." Xiao Xingchen said gently.

He heard Xue Yang's breathing hitch. Did Xue Yang really think Xiao Xingchen would hate him, after choosing him over his own morals, is that what Xue Yang thought? Of course it was. Xiao Xingchen couldn't even be mad about it either. Xue Yang's never known what it's like for someone to actually like and want him, for him and not a particular trait or quality of is. Of course Xue Yang still expects Xiao Xingchen to hate him. In his mind he's probably thinking that Xiao Xingchen's forcing himself to stay with Xue Yang. He's always going to expect an ulterior motive and Xiao Xingchen had to accept that.

"You won't? Not even if I made you kill everyone you care about?" His voice was testing as though he was going in the defensive. He was probably tired.

Xiao Xingchen lifted Xue Yang's head up to look him in the eyes. His eyes had hints of stress, fear, and disbelief in them. "No, because I'd have killed you too. Then, I'd only have myself to hate." His voice was calm and steady.

Xue Yang faltered and pulled away from Xiao Xingchen, putting about an arms length between the two of them. "What if I made you kill Song Lan?" His face was desperate.

"I wouldn't blame you. I'd only have myself to blame for killing him." He would never voluntarily kill Song Lan, but he wouldn't blame Xue Yang either. It wouldn't be Xue Yang's fault for wanting Song Lan dead or making Xiao Xingchen do it.

Xue Yang went silent. "Look," Xiao Xingchen said. "Don't try to argue with me over this, you're not going to win and nothing's going to change. I don't and won't hate you. Do you understand?" Xue Yang remained silent. Xiao Xingchen waited patiently, letting his words sink in.

Eventually, Xue Yang looked away, looked down, then back up to Xiao Xingchen. "Yes," He sighed.

"Good." Xiao Xingchen said, walked over to him and planted a kiss atop his head. "Now come here?" He said as he went back towards the bed.

He watched Xue Yang stand frozen in place visibly thinking about something. Xue Yang's expression was hard to read but Xiao Xingchen thought he understood it pretty well. Xue Yang still vaguely thought Xiao Xingchen hated him, was toying with him, maybe even planing on killing him, but he also knew that wasn't true. He'd come to understand how Xue Yang views the world, and thus why he hated Xiao Xingchen. To Xue Yang, kindness wasn't a thing, only a trick people used to get what they want. 'Kind' people will step on whoever they want to make themselves look better.

Xiao Xingchen came to understand that there's nice, and then there's kind. Nice people are what Xue Yang thought of as kind people. The nice ones only pretend to be nice because they have to, or they'll gain something from it. Kind people are like Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. They don't care about the gain of being kind, just that they want to be. Xiao Xingchen could tell Xue Yang was still struggling to understand this, but something in his head was clicking and probably had been for a while. Xue Yang's issue was that he kept ignoring it or getting angry with it. Xiao Xingchen was patient though, he'd wait as long as he needed for Xue Yang to realize, understand, and come to terms with the fact that Xiao Xingchen wasn't going to leave him, or trick him.

Not long after, Xue Yang went over to Xiao Xingchen, stood in front of him for a few moments, then sat down beside him. He stared for a minute before pushing Xiao Xingchen down so he was flat on his back. Xiao Xingchen smiled at him. He climbed onto Xiao Xingchen and then collapsed on top of him.

Xiao Xingchen wrapped his arms around Xue Yang. One was securely on his back and the other was playing with his hair. "Xue Yang?" Xiao Xingchen asked quietly to make sure he was alright.

"Mn," was the only response he got back from him.

"Are you alright?" His voice was still quiet and soft.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Xue Yang looked up at him. "Just tired and a little agitated."

"Okay.." Was all Xiao Xingchen could think to respond with.

He'd ask Xue Yang why he's agitated, but the answer was pretty obvious and besides, Xue Yang sometimes got agitated from seemingly nothing. It's something Xiao Xingchen has learned to deal with and handle well. Xue Yang needed space sometimes and sometimes he needed to be loved and cared for. Occasionally, he'd get the former confused with the latter. When that happened, Xue Yang usually got violent until someone or something broke him down. Once in that state, he'd yell and try to mentally or emotionally hurt anyone who tried to help. He hasn't actually hurt Xiao Xingchen in years. By the second year they were living together Xiao Xingchen could tell Xue Yang had regretted hurting him, at least to an extent. Now, he simply tries to apologize or give Xiao Xingchen space. Thankfully, this wouldn't turn into one of those situations. Xiao Xingchen didn't want that to be one of his last memories of Xue Yang, possibly for good.

He didn't want to think about that. Instead, he focused on Xue Yang's steady breathing and constant heartbeat. Xiao Xingchen closed his eyes and took a deep breath attempting to center his mind. When he opened them he saw Xue Yang looking at him. He must have zoned out quite a bit to not have noticed Xue Yang moved.

"Daozhang, you good?" He tilted his head to the side.

"Yeah, just thinking." Xiao Xingchen gave a faint smile. He knew Xue Yang wasn't going to believe him.

"About what?" He asked, curiosity sneaking into his voice.

"You." Xiao Xingchen responded honestly without giving too much away.

"That obsessed with me, Daozhang?" he spoke playfully as he tilted his head to the side.

"Have been for quite some time, though not as much as you're obsessed with me." Xiao Xingchen smiled playfully, his mood improving a little.

"You got me. The first time we met, I was already head over heals in hate, anger, loathing, and disgust. You really caught my eyes Daozhang Xiao Xingchen. Since then, all I wanted to to see you, fight you, destroy you, and make you feel something toward me. Guess instead of hate, I got love and fondness." He chuckled. "It's funny how that is. Hate and love, happy and sad. They're so similar sometimes and yet no one can ever seem to tell. I hated you because I loved you. I hated that I loved you, and I loved to hate you. It's one of the things that kept me going, keeps me going." His expression changed to something more serious. "I won't die as long as I have those reasons to keep living. Got it Xiao Xingchen?" 

Xiao Xingchen stared at him. Just how much did Xue Yang love him? It concerned Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang committed attrocities for hate, would he not do the same for love? Would it be worse? Xiao Xingchen knew when Xue Yang felt something, he felt it to it's greatest depths, deeper than any man could ever imagine. It had to be the same now and thus Xiao Xingchen believed him. Xue Yang had cheated death countless times seemingly defying fate. He still had something he needed to do in this world, something he wanted to do. Xiao Xingchen wasn't sure what, and maybe it was better if he didn't know, but right now, he knew Xue Yang was going to live, and they'd meet again. They'd meet because Xiao Xingchen wanted them to, and Xue Yang wanted them to. Perhaps Xue Yang's fate was so intertwined with Xiao Xingchen that somewhere along the way they were fated to end up like this.

"I understand." Xiao Xingchen said softly with a faint smile on his face. 

He understood, and he understood well. It's unfortunate that it took him so many years to understand. He still fully doesn't, but he understands Xue Yang and how he works better than he did before.

He understood him and cared for him. Now, Xue Yang wasn't a heartless kid, but someone who needs to be cared for and loved. He was someone dear to Xiao Xingchen and that won't change. Xue Yang has always had a spot in Xiao Xingchen's mind and heart, just now it's different from what it was because Xiao Xingchen was learning.

Xue Yang nodded. "Good, because that's how it's going to be. You have no say in it anymore. You're mine, which means you don't get to leave me, and I don't get to leave you. I get to decide if you leave, and if you try to, I'll fight you for it. Kill you if II have to."

Xiao Xingchen knew Xue Yang was possessive, but also knew he wasn't lying either and there was more unsaid than said. But Xiao Xingchen didn't care, he fount it a little endearing and sort of cute.

"I wouldn't have it any other way A-Yang." Xiao Xingchen smiled warmly as he felt that warmth spread throughout his body.

He watched as Xue Yang froze, not expecting Xiao Xingchen's response. The room was quiet enough that they could hear eachothers heartbeats and the sounds of breathing from neighboring rooms.

"I mean it," Xiao Xingchen said after the silence lasted for more time than he was comfortable with. 

Xue Yang still said nothing though his expression changed, turning into one of acceptance and understanding. He smiled at Xiao Xingchen, hugged him tightly and plopped his head back down. 

Eventually, his breathing evened out and his heartbeat was steady. Xiao Xingchen smiled cherishing his last peaceful moments with Xue Yang before all he'll broke loose again. He honestly wasn't sure what was going on, but as long as Xue Yang understood Jin Guangyao and knew how to manipulate him into thinking Xiao Xingchen, Song Lan, and Xue Yang weren't working together and were never on the same side, he figured they'd be fine. Besides, Jin Guangyao would be backed into a corner. It would either be that he reveals that he had been working with Xue Yang, knew his whereabouts before half of his clan was murdered and admit to some crimes, or he'd have to play dumb causing Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen to win.

He held Xue Yang close to himself, just feeling his presence, the way he felt on Xiao Xingchen while sleeping and committing it to memory. He fell asleep that way, using Xue Yang to ground him. It was peaceful, but he knew it wouldn't last. 

When he woke up, Xue Yang was gone.

Chapter Text

Xue Yang woke up as the sun just started to rise. He slowly crept out of Xiao Xingchen's arms attempting not to wake him. He got off the bed and quickly got himself ready. Nor long after, he pulled his hair up the way Xiao Xingchen likes it. Two braids on the side pulled into ponytail with his hair half down and another two braids pinned to the ponytail and hang down with it.

He walked over to the bed at watched Xiao Xingchen sleep. He was beautiful and peaceful, sleepin all conently as though he was an ethereal being. Xue Yang felt a pang of guilt knowing that Xiao Xingchen would wake up to Xue Yang missing and up to his old antics. Of course he had this thoroughly planned out. The first step simply ment leaving while Xiao Xingchen was asleep.

Except it wasn't that simple. He didn't want to look away or leave his side. He knew he would possibly lose Xiao Xingchen entirely and he knew he was burning all his bridges with everyone, but at least he was doing it for Xiao Xingchen. Everything he does is for Xiao Xingchen. Always had been.

Finally, he pulled his gaze away from Xiao Xingchen and grabbed one of his qiankun pouches. He rummaged through it until he found a sheet of paper. Carefully, he pulled the paper out with a brush attatched to it. Xue Yang quickly got to writing a message for Xingchen so that he at least would be less worried.

Once he finished he placed a qiankun pouch on the paper making sure it was tightly sealed. He really hoped this wasn't an elaborate plan to get rid of him, because he just fucking gave up one of his strongest weapons. It's not like Xiao Xingchen can do much with it, but there's no way in hell he's letting Jin Guangyao have the damn thing. At least Xiao Xingchen would keep it. He hoped anyway.

As he thought,  he made sure the room was neat and that everything he brought for Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing was off his person. He went back over to Xiao Xingchen and stared down at him again before planting a gentle kiss on his forehead whilst infusing some of his energy to remove any traces of him from Xiao Xingchen save for old wounds.

Cupping his face, Xue Yang spoke in just a whisper.  "Don't worry my Xiao-Xing, everything will be fine. Trust me. As long as you live, so will I. That's how it's been. You can hate me as much as you want after today, I won't blame you. That won't stop me from finding you, hating you, caring for you, being with you, and it sure as hell won't stop me from loving you. If you want it to stop you'll have to take that will away from my dammed resentful spirit." He pulled his hand away and felt something pull it down.

Xiao Xingchen looked drearily up at him. All he did was smile and squeeze Xue Yang's hand tightly as though he knew what was going to happen, what had happened, and everything in-between. "Thank you, A-Yang, for everything." And with that, he was out cold again. 

Xue Yang wasn't even sure what that meant, but maybe it'd keep him occupied in the Jin Clan dungeons. "Don't thank me too soon," he mumbled as he squeezed Xiao Xingchens hand.

He carefully and slowly let go of the hand, cherishing the warmth and sensation of it, before he quietly made his way to the door. He went to open it, then stopped and turned back to Xiao Xingchen knowing that he may very well forget these emotions and how much he cares for the white clad cultivator in just a few days. He only hoped Xiao Xingchen wouldn't.

He reached into his pouch and pulled out one piece of candy. Cautiously approaching Xiao Xingchen's bed, he rolled the candy between his fingers, reluctant to give it up. Once he made it to the bed, he set the candy next to the pillow and hurried back to the door. 

As quietly as he could, he opened the door and crept across the hall to the room he came through prior. He quickly entered that room, closed the door and left out the window. He landed silently and went to walk toward the city. Except, he didn't make it very far before he was stopped by a sheathed sword which could only be Fuxue.

He stopped just short of running into the sword and turned around to see Song Lan standing behind him, eyes cold and face as boring as ever. Why was this guy always in his fucking way? Couldn't he do one thing without Song Lan getting in the damn way? Ever since he showed up, Xue Yang's been certain that this man was watching his every move. It was driving him mad,  but he ignored it up until yesterday. The two of them had made a truce of sorts only broken in a moment of true stress.

Perhaps Song Lan was finally going to kill him and take Xingchen for himself. 

Their eyes met. Xue Yang tried to decipher what Song Lan was thinking but as always, his face betrayed absolutely fucking nothing! He opened his mouth to speak when Song Lan cut him off, voice expressionless. 

"Does Xingchen know you left?" Always about Xiao Xingchen, this one.

Xue Yang rolled his eyes. "What do you think? Would it make sense for me to fucking tell him when I'm leaving when it's supposed to be a fucking mystery to him? He told me not to tell him." He turned to leave but was stopped again.

"What are you planning to do?" His grip tightened on his sword despite it still being in the sheath.

Xue Yang narrowed his eyes getting agitated. "Why the fuck does it matter to you? Are you going to stop me? You know as well as I that you can't. I could make your life so much worse Song-Daozhang, don't test me!" His voice was low as a warning, eyes burning with rage.

"Xue Yang!" Song Lan said sternly lowering his sword. "I am not looking for a fight. I know Xingchen cares for you. I don't know why, but I know he does. All I'm doing is asking you a few questions before you go. I do not want Xingchen hurt by you again." His tone never changed but Xue Yang could've sworn his expression shifted mildly for a moment. 

Xue Yang turned his head away saying nothing.

"We already decided what we're doing, but please," it sounded as if it pained him greatly to say such a word to Xue Yang and Xue Yang almost laughed. "If you're going to do something, don't actually kill anyone. Xingchen would never forgive himself if someone actually died from this." He strapped his sword back to his back.

Xue Yang remained silent before going to walk off. Seriously, what the fuck was this guys problem. It's not like Xue Yang didn't know that already.

Song Lan was watching him, he could feel it. Some part of him wanted to rip his eyes out and shove them up his self-righteous ass, except those were Xiao Xingchen's eyes and he didn't think Xiao Xingchen would want to see everything that's been stuck up this Daoshi's ass. 

"Just, don't hurt him. He's been hurt enough. He trusts you, so don't break it." There was something different about Song Lan's voice and Xue Yang couldn't quite place it.

Xue Yang turned to Song Lan, eyes cool but he could feel his emotions spilling into them. Based on Song Lan's reaction,  he saw it and Xue Yang internally cursed himself for becoming too vulnerable these last few years. "I have no intention of hurting him or betraying his trust." He paused, assessing the situation and studying Song Lan's reaction. "If I could go back, I wouldn't have done it. Wouldn't have hurt him or broke him. He didn't deserve it. I don't regret it, but if I was presented with the chance to do it again, I wouldn't hurt him."

Song Lan was briefly stunned, Xue Yang could tell he was trying to put the pieces together. "Why?"

"Why what?" Xue Yang asked. "Why is the sky blue? Why do the birds sing? Why are we here today, right now? Why don't I want to hurt him? Why am I telling you these things? Why do I care for him? Why am I here? Why-" He was cut off.

"Why do you love him? Why do you care at all? Why, after everything, did you suddenly change? Why are you here?" He looked as though his face may actually show emotion. His eyes were swimming with anger, uncertainty, fear, and confusion.

Xue Yang turned completely towards him. "How could I not?" There wasn't anything threatening to his voice, if anything he sounded vulnerable. Too fucking vulnerability.

Song Lan was stunned silent, simply staring at Xue Yang, trying to look inside him, find answers to an unspoken question. 

Xue Yang took this as an opportunity to continue. "How, after getting to know him could I not care for him, cherish him, adore him, bleed for him, bend the world to his will, hurt for him, worship him, listen to him, want him, ...love him?" He paused watching Song Lan's face contort in strange ways. "How could I not want to spend the rest of my life with him? Song-Daozhang, I know you understand this, so why ask? I know you suffered too and for that, I'm not sorry. Not sure can can be even if I wanted to. But you know how precious he is, how loving he is, and how much he's willing to do for everyone. So why ask? Because I was young and didn't understand, or perhaps because you're jealous, hurt, and maybe you were hoping for an answer that would put you in my spot. I don't know, and quite frankly, I don't give a damn!

"Xingchen and I, we're polar opposite, and yet he's the only one who's actually bothered to care, bothered to understand, and bothered to help! So that's why!" If he kept talking he feared he may reveal far too much, this was already too much but it had to be said. Had to be said or else Song Lan wouldn't get it. He'd never get it, but now, Xue Yang hoped the dimwit would at least half understand.

Song Lan stared speechless as though studying Xue Yang. Xue Yang wanted to turn away, leave, or something but he felt frozen there as though Song Lan was keeping him there simply to examine and pick apart. Instead of running, Xue Yang snarled and glared at Song Lan in an attempt to make him lose his gaze.

And if Xue Yang wasn't frozen before, he was now. His mind went blank as he stared at the hand resting on his shoulder. Just what was going through that man's head? Xue Yang couldn't begin to imagine what thought process Song Lan was using, if there was anything in his head at all.

Song Lan looked him dead in the eyes, stare warmer than Xue Yang remembered but not quite friendly. Song Lan took a deep breath. "...I'm sorry. For doubting you thus far. I at least owe you that before you go to throw your life away. I understand why, I just never thought you of all...people to be capable of understanding." A pause as he seemed to assess Xue Yang again. "I won't forgive you, for murdering my family, my home, ruining my life, but I will try my best to accept you presence in Xingchen's life and my own." All words spoken from that man looked painful to speak, but genuine nonetheless.

Xue Yang wasn't sure if Song Lan was being like this because he thought Xue Yang was going to die, or what but he didn't like it. Conversations like this bring up emotions, the sole thing Xue Yang never truly understood, even now. They all felt weird and misplaced in Xue Yang, especially when talking to Song Lan.

Xue Yang wanted out of this conversation, so he opted for a sarcastic comment instead. "Never would expect a righteous daoshi to forgive something as inhuman as I." He grinned despite the fact that the comment didn't come out as sarcastic as he'd hoped. Now he only hoped Song Lan wasn't keeping track of his different tones.

The look on Song Lan's face was still unreadable. Upon closer inspection, Xue Yang could've sworn he saw pity and maybe something else. There's no reason for fucking pity, so why the fuck would Song Lan pity him? He glared amd began walking away again.

"You're not." He heard behind him after a few strides.

Turning around just barely to glance at Song Lan, he stopped in his tracks. The other man stood there stern and unmoving, fists clenched and expression almost sullen with what Xue Yang assumed was pity.

"You're not inhuman." Song Lan clarified. "What you've done was wrong, uncalled for, and foul. But you're a human being. Vile as you are, you're still human."

Xue Yang wanted nothing more than to rip his tongue out at that. What the fuck did Song Lan know about him, about his life? What right does he have to judge anything? 

Xue Yang sneered at him. "I don't give a damn what your self-righteous ass thinks, Song Zichen! You don't know a damn thing about me!" Xue Yang spat at him. "Must have been nice, living in your temple. Being taught your stupid fucking Daoshi teachings! Living in ignorance to the suffering complexities of this unfixable world! Must be so fucking nice!" He pointed an accusing finger, anger boiling in his chest and stomach. "Well guess what? Now everyone's as lucky as you! Some of us got shown the cold, hard truth at a young age! The brutality and unfairness of this world, not a shred of fucking kindness." 

There was a long, thick silence between the two of them. Song Lan looked too dumbfounded to speak, probably turning over what Xue Yang had just said in his head, or trying to ignore him. Xue Yang just stood there, churning and boiling anger only simmering slightly.

"I-'' He heard Song Lan say before he cut off again, clearly at a loss for words.

"Figures," Xue Yang mumbled as he stalked away. "Stupid daoshi and his stupid teachings can't even figure out what it's like to grow up on the damn streets, being used your whole fucking life. Bet he'd be the same way I am if the circumstances were fucking switched. The world isn't just seperated into good and bad. Xiao Xingchen is the single good thing in this world." 

He kicked a rock as he neared the graveyard, only changing his course last minute when he got a better idea.

___________________________

Song Lan stood there as Xue Yang stalked off grumbling about him and their circumstances. He wasn't even sure what to think anymore. He still very much disliked Xue Yang, and absolutely resented him for all he had done, but Xingchen forgave him.

Xingchen forgave him and now they were lovers. That fact alone still left Song Lan confused and hurt. Hurt that was well deserved, but hurt nonetheless. If he could go back, he'd undo it. Undo telling Xingchen that they needn't meet again. It'd prevent all this confusion and chaos. 

He watched as Xue Yang disappeared turning over what he'd said in his mind. Just what had happened to him? He already figured Xue Yang had grown up on the streets and was aware that somehow that amounted to him massacring the Chang Clan. He still couldn't understand why. Why he went for the Chang? What could they possibly have done to Xue Yang that would result in him killing almost every last one of them?

He wanted answers but knew he couldn't get them. Xue Yang would never tell him and Xingchen won't unless Xue Yang allows him and Xue Yang's too stubborn to do that. Too afraid to be seen as vulnerable and weak, it seemed. Which was most likely a result of whatever he wouldn't talk about. It was like Xue Yang was a mystery wrapped in a mystery that had nowhere to grab onto that would allow one to even begin unraveling at all. He could only imagine how much there was that even Xingchen didn't know. Couldn't even begin to imagine how Xingchen knew what he did.

For a moment the thought of going after Xue Yang to see what he was up to seemed to be a good idea, and so he did, thinking as he walked.

He'd come to the conclusion that, perhaps he was a bit sheltered and stubborn in his beliefs and that maybe it was time he tried to adjust them to better adapt to whatever world he walked into. A world in which his closest friend and worst enemy were lovers. A world in which he had to live with Xue Yang. A world where Jin Guangyao was the bad guy and Xue Yang was helping them, helped him, freed him from Jin Guangyao. Song Lan didn't even want to think about what Jin Guangyao would have done to him. Everything was so confusing and, honestly, concerning.

Forgiving Xue Yang was never an option, still isn't, but maybe trying to understand him wouldn't be a bad idea. He just needed a place to start. At most, they could at least build up some trust that Xiao Xingchen is certain is completely possible and trustworthy. At least for his part, if Song Lan has to deal with Xue Yang, and probably night hunt with him, the least he can do is try to make sure that the once murderer won't stab them both in the back.

Xingchen was certain that won't happen and he trusts Xingchen so he has to trust his judgment, but that doesn't mean he can't be weary himself. He has only a sliver of a reason not to be weary and that's simply because Xue Yang hasn't hurt them yet. In fact, Xue Yang saved Song Lan, which still bothers him. He'd never bothered to ask why, not after anyway, he'd only glared. Perhaps asking Xue Yang later, if there was a later, wouldn't be a bad idea.

The more he thought about it, the more he almost understood. Xue Yang, Song Lan had concluded, is like a child. Not a murderous monster, as debatable as that is, but an undisciplined, confused, and scared child. He can only conclude that the Changs must have done something to him that, at least to Xue Yang, warranted their clan to be erased from the map.

He followed Xue Yang for a ways before they came up to what appeared to be some sort of abandoned farm. It looked like it'd been lived in for at least some time, though it reaked of death. Xue Yang stopped just short of entering the property, turning to face Song Lan's direction.

He crossed his arms leaning against a tree. "Alright Mr. Shit-For-Brains The Almighty, come out. I'm not dumb, I know you've been following me."

Song Lan forced himself to remain calm as he clenched his fists. Xue Yang was just trying to rile him up. Nothing good would come of letting him do so. Stepping out of the shadow, he forced a neutral expression onto his face. 

"Do you really not trust me?" Xue Yang sounded offended and hurt when he spoke. Short lived. He began laughing. "Understandable. I wouldn't trust me either, especially if I were you. Don't worry, I'm not doing anything bad. Well, nor really." He grinned. The way his mouth widened to show all his teeth was unnerving. "I'm only using what's already at my disposal. Wouldn't want anyone getting hurt. Daozhang would be upset." He paused looking Song Lan over once. "Do you want to know what I'm planning?" His head cocked to the side, grin somehow widening.

His eyes lit up the way they did when he had an idea or plan that usually ended in chaos, or when he'd committed a crime. Song Lan didn't think they shared the same idea of 'hurting' people. He was almost certain Xue Yang meant kill or maim, unlikely that he ment any other definition of hurt. He was starting to wonder if Xue Yang actually understood what hurting other people was. 

The only thing Xue Yang seemed to understand when it came to hurt was when he himself was hurt or when Xingchen was hurt. Song Lan moved closer inclining his head for Xue Yang to continue.

"Well, Xingchen obviously doesn't want anyone hurt, so I'll have to make a scene using a different method. One that will ensure you guys aren't linked to me anymore. Jin Guangyao knows I was with Xingchen, but what he doesn't know is that he knew who I was. We just need to play off that."

Song Lan waited patiently for him to continue, hoping he'd make his point soon. Rambling was an art Xue Yang was extremely skilled in, and Song Lan wasn't interested in such an art.

Xue Yang leaned against the nearest tree. "Xingchen doesn't know everything, there's things I haven't told him. Today, I'll tell him. His reactions will be genuine enough that Lianfeng-Zun won't suspect any association with me past him finding out who I am. Then, he'll sentence me to death, Xiao Xingchen will stop him for questioning purposes which land me in prison. Once there I'll stay as long as I can while you guys establish what you need. Once I hear word that you guys are successful, I'll make my escape and go the opposite direction on Yi City for a while. Once it's safe, I'll return." 

For once, Xue Yang made sense. Maybe because he was practically telling Song Lan that he'll be gone for a long time, or because Song Lan knew this plan would end up successful one way or another, despite how underhanded it is. He knew full well that Xue Yang was like a cockroach, no matter how many times you tried to kill him, he'd always come back, never quite dying. If Song Lan didn't know any better, he'd assume the man was immortal. 

"And what if it isn't safe?" Song Lan found himself asking.

''Well," Xue Yang said before going silent to think. "I could sneak in, maybe stage an attack and you guys take me prisoner, or I could change my face, quite literally." He sent a smirk at Song Lan.

Song Lan narrowed his eyes. The last option was identity theft and he and Xingchen don't condone that. The second option puts innocents at risk so of course that's out of the question. The first one makes the most sense,  but then Xue Yang would have to hide and stay hidden, for some reason, Song Lan didn't think he was capable of that.

"None of those would be good options." Song Lan stated dryly. 

"Why not?" Xue Yang questioned getting testy. 

"You're too immature for the first one. Second one puts too many people at risk. Last one is identity theft." He paused briefly closing his eyes and taking a breath. "Why don't you just call this plan off. It's ridiculous and frankly, I don't think we need it to get what we're after. If anything, it's making it more difficult."

Xue Yang turned to him. "You don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

"The point of this plan. You don't understand it. Of course you don't." He rolled his eyes. "Pampered daoshi doesn't understand the workings of the world." Song Lan clenched his fists in anger, ready to strangle Xue Yang to death. "Well, let me spell it out for you," Xue Yang continued. "I'm a wanted criminal, so by association, you and Xingchen are wanted criminals. Especially Xingchen because that son of a whore saw him with me, on multiple occasions. If we can't properly play this off, I won't be the only one in line for the chopping block. But if Jin Guangyao is under the impression that Xingchen was unaware and that I was somehow controlling things, then you guys get your name cleared and the start of your dream sect or whatever. Even if it's something small, it's better than death by association. The only two that know you and Xingchen know, won't be taken seriously. One won't say anything and the other thinks every other person is the Yiling Laozu. Our odds are good Song Daozhang, but for once in your stuck-up perfect life, you'll need to stoop down to the level of a disgusting monster such as myself."

Song Lan was silent, letting Xue Yang's words sink in. Xue Yang had never fully explained why he'd decided this was the best course of action. It made sense. Now knowing what kind of person Jin Guangyao is, he completely understands where Xue Yang's idea is coming from and, at this moment, couldn't figure out a better one. He just didn't condone lying and he didn't want Xingchen hurt either. If one thing goes wrong, Xue Yang would end up being just a memory. 

Their odds were pretty good right now but if Jiang Cheng convinced the other clan leaders that they are working with Xue Yang, Song Lan wasn't sure if either of them could lie to all of their faces. Xue Yang would, that's why he wants them on his level instead of him meeting theirs. To Song Lan, Xue Yang was a disgusting monster but at the same time, Song Lan was beginning to see him as less disgusting and less of a monster and more human. He wanted both to agree with Xue Yang's assessment of himself and to debate that Xue Yang was in fact quite human. 

After careful consideration, Song Lan spoke reluctantly. "Fir this one instance, I will...trust you judgment." He slapped himself mentally for how cold and disgusted his voice sounded.

Xue Yang smiled another genuine smile at him, his eyes lighting up. "Wow! Who would have imagined, the great Song Zichen trusts me! I-"

Song Lan cut Xue Yang off. "Enough. Don't make me change my mind."

Xue Yang actually stopped talking. Song Lan was starting to think that he's been stuck in some fever dream since the massacre of Baixue Temple. It would make more sense than the world he walked back into where he went three years without Xingchen and when he finally found him, he was living with Xue Yang, peacefully of all things. But it proved something, a fact Song Lan didn't want to face.

It proved that Xue Yang wasn't just a heartless killer, something less than human. It proved that he was capable of love, happiness that wasn't caused by murder, sadness, guilt, kindness, and even fear. Those were all very human things. Things that Xue Yang was capable of. Even now, Xue Yang was risking himself for some dream that Xingchen had with someone other than Xue Yang. Song Lan was starting to accept this new life, as strange as it may be. 

"-ong Lan!" Song Lan looked at Xue Yang. "Sheesh, took you long enough. Thought you'd up and decided to go to a different fucking dimension! Now sure how I'd explain that to Daozhang and Qingqing."

"'Qingqing'?" He'd never heard Xue Yang refer to A-Qing that way.

"Yeah. A-Qing." Xue Yang eyed Song Lan as though he was an idiot. A look Song Lan often received from the murderous delinquent.

"I know that." Song Lan snapped. "I've never heard you refer to her that way."

"So you have been in a different fucking dimension! I call her that any time I'm bored and want to make her mad."

"Why make her mad when you're bored?" Song Lan supposed there were worse things Xue Yang could do when bored. Worse things he has done.

"Who else would I make mad? When Xingchen gets mad he just scolds me or worse, avoids me. She actually makes it fun and entertaining."

Xue Yang had a fair point. Xingchen got all weird anytime someone or something upset him, A-Qing seemed to just bounce back from it given that it's nothing serious.

"Look, talking to you has been great and all, but I've got stuff I need to do, and some of that stuff is best left a mystery. I suggest you head back." Xue Yang turned, headed for the door. 

Song Lan stood in place, not fully trusting that Xue Yang didn't have some other plan that involved killing innocents. 

Once Xue Yang opened the door, an arrow came flying at him from inside. "Fuck! Forgot about that." He caught the arrow and snapped it in two. "Hey Song Zichen, you should leave while you still can!" He cast Song Lan a murderous and mischievous grin. He lowered his voice, smile widening. "Or you might be my next experiment." He started laughing as he walked in. 

The laughing abruptly stopped before it started again though it sounded ever so slightly different. Once Song Lan heard shouting he knew something had gone wrong-right-wrong. Some went wrong, Xue Yang wasn't supposed to interact with another person yet.

Chapter Text

Song Lan swiftly moved towards the door at the sound of of thumping and crashing. Inside were two Jin Cultivators, one tall with muscles, the other slightly shorter and skinny, who both had their swords drawn on Xue Yang. Xue Yang on the other hand, was simply holding a stick for defense or perhaps weapon of choice. Was Xue Yang really that arrogant as to think he could win this fight with a half rotten chunk of wood?

"Is that all you've got?" Xue Yang taunted as he lunged at the two cultivators poised to attack at any moment. 

They both swung at Xue Yang, barely missing as Xue Yang whacked the tall one on the back of the neck cracking his stick in half. "Fuck!'' He grabbed both halves and went to strike again. 

The smaller of the two swung his sword grazing Xue Yang's left lower back as he evaded jabbing one of the sticks through the other cultivators throat. Once Song Lan saw the cultivator fall to the ground, struggling to breath, his mind cleared. Xue Yang wasn't arrogant, he must've left all his weapons behind or didn't want to draw Jiangzai due to its spiritual energy. He also quickly realized that Xue Yang was about to kill the second cultivators. Initially, stopping Xue Yang was his priority but then a thought occurred to him: if this cultivator lives, Xue Yang would be associated with him and Xingchen. If that happened, this whole trip would be for naught. 

Xue Yang knew that. Song Lan knew that Xue Yang knew that. It would be in their best interest for the cultivator to die. It was Xue Yang's own way of protecting Xingchen, as cruel as it was, and Song Lan wasn't about to stop him either. He wanted to, but he had a feeling that, for this, Xue Yang's method was the only one that'll prove to be effective. However, Xue Yang was cruel. This wouldn't be a swift death.

He watched as Xue Yang disarmed the cultivator, cornering him. Somewhere along the way, Xue Yang had managed to lose the stick he was fighting with. Song Lan entered and walked over to them receiving a glare and a look of confused hope. 

"What, here to stop me? Tough luck, he needs to die." Xue Yang smirked at the man.

"How?" Song Lan gestured to the lack of a weapon Xue Yang was bearing. 

"What, wanna know so you can stop me? Not gonna happen." He turned fully to face Song Lan. "Not sure if you're aware, but-"

Song Lan cut him off. "I know. He'll tell Lianfeng-Zun that Xingchen and I are working with you which will condemn us all."

"...Yeah.." Xue Yang gave him an odd look which he didn't like. "So you're not going to stop me?" He looked something akin to excited, like a child being given candy.

Song Lan felt sick to his stomach knowing Xue Yang enjoyed this. "No..." The cultivator looked at him with abject terror. He hadn't planned this out. None of this was planned, at least not to his idea of a plan. Xue Yang, however seemed to have so many plans that he appeared to have none. Song Lan hated it, all of it.

Xue Yang's face lit up with excitement. "Never thought I'd see the day," he mused. "Song Zichen condoning murder."

"One more remark and I'll run you through instead."

"I bet you'd like that." He grinned and winked at Song Lan.

The cultivator went to reach for some sort of talisman, presumably to call for back-up. Xue Yang seemed blind to what was happening as he only focused on Song Lan. When the cultivator was about to use it , Xue Yang ripped it from his hand and tore it into several pieces.

"Xue Yang!" He pointed his sword toward Xue Yang.

Xue Yang grinned as though this was a game. The cultivator released a relieved breath. Song Lan wanted to leave, Xue Yang never had a hard time killing people without assistance, but Song Lan knew Xue Yang could do worse than killing. For Xue Yang, simply killing someone seemed to be a slight mercy compared to what he's done and could do.

"Yeah, that's me." 

Song Lan took a long deep breath. He spoke in an dark yet exhausted voice. "You're cruel ass is extremely lucky that Xingchen loves you or else I'd have your head."

The cultivator just looked more and more confused. Song Lan supposed he'd known that feeling too. Xue Yang on the other hand grinned though there was something more fond about it. A fondness Song Lan hated, what gave Xue Yang the right? They all knew nothing did, but they all knew the truth: Xue Yang was loved by Xiao Xingchen and Xiao Xingchen was loved by Xue Yang.

"Yeah," Xue Yang said. "I am lucky, aren't I? I'll have to let him know later Song-Daozhang. But I really need to handle this and I also really need you to not get in my way. Thanks."

_________________________________

Song Lan just stared at him like the dimwit he was. Xue Yang just wanted to get this over with. He really didn't want to think about Xiao Xingchen right now. Xiao Xingchen meant thinking about the future, and that future was honestly, terrifying.

Xue Yang turned back to the cultivator running through all the possible ways to kill him in mere seconds before deciding to just use his hands. He swiftly reached for the Jin dogs neck planning to snap it or maybe rip it out. He'd figure that out as he went. This guy seemed pretty incompetent having plenty of time to make a break for it and yet still stupidly sitting lazily on his ass waiting for Song Lan to save him.

Song Lan, of course, stopped Xue Yang before xt could actually touch the guy. "What, turning back on your word? Aren't you supposed to be some righteous fucking Daoshi who doesn't go back on his word?" He glared at Song Lan, who all too eagerly returned the glare.

"You're going to make a mess."

"That's what you're fucking worried about? Damn. Go step outside if you can't handle it. I didn't invite you in here, you invited yourself in, after you fucking followed me!" Xue Yang pointed his finger at him poking his chest aggressively. 

"That's not- whatever. Don't touch me!" Song Lan pushed Xue Yang away from him.

"Ungrateful prick," Xue Yang muttered.

"I heard that." He paused taking a breath. "Clearly we're running in circles. Xingchen won't like that. So will you please listen to me for one moment?" He appeared to be struggling to stay calm.

He had a point though. They were running in circles. Granted, they've been getting better, the circles were still circles nonetheless. Just, circles overlapping eachother in a line moving forward. And he was right about Xiao Xingchen. With everything considered, Xue Yang at least ought to hear him out. 

"Fine, what do you want to say? But make it quick."

"I was only going to tell you that you're going to make a mess of yourself if you use your bare hands." He seemed almost reluctant to say the words and revolted to hear them.

"Yeah, well, you got a better idea clod-wad? Because, unless you're blind, you can clearly fucking see, I've got shit for weapons." Damn Song Lan was really starting to get on his nerves.

"I know. That's why I stopped you." He paused grip tightening around the hilt of Fuxue. "Take it."

"Huh?" Xue Yang stared dumbfounded at the sword being held out to him.

"Take it." Song Lan's voice was stern and hard to read. 

Xue Yang shot him a confused glare. "What kind of fucking sick joke is this?" 

"None. Take it." Song Lan was visibly losing patience. 

"Why?" Xue Yang still stared dumbfounded. Why the fuck would Song Lan, of all people, offer up his sword to Xue Yang?

"So you don't make a mess." His icy eyes practically pierced through Xue Yang.

He still stared, head so full yet so empty. He partially came to when he felt cold metal being forced into his hand. "Right...Yeah...Fuxue...Song Zichen...Fuxue...why?" He took the sword still dazed. 

Not even a few seconds later, a huge grin was plastered on his face. He could see both Song Lan and the cultivator recoil. Song Lan looked at him most likely contemplating if he'd made the right choice. Obvious answer would be no, he gave Xue Yang access to his sword, obviously not the best choice. The cultivator was too stunned to move just gaping and staring.

The sword was gold to the touch. Xue Yang felt as though his blood may as well be frozen with how cold it was. Aside from that, it was evenly balanced and felt alright in his hand. He much preferred Jiangzai or Shaunghua to Fuxu, but he'd make do with what he had.

He turned fully to the cultivator taking a few practice swings before he simply sliced his throat open. The blood ran down the man's robes and pooled on the ground.

Xue Yang turned to Song Lan. He wiped the blood off the sword carelessly using his robes before handing it back to Song Lan. "Wanna help me bury this one so Lianfeng-Zun doesn't find it?"

Song Lan gave him a mortified and disgusted look. "I will help give them proper burials."

"You do that. I'm going to cause trouble. We'll, get ready to anyway." Xue Yang turned to leave waiving his hand nonchalantly.

"You're helping," Song Lan said in a stern voice. 

Xue Yang turned back around to fave him "Huh? No. I don't know shit about proper burials. That's a fucking Daoshi thing, not a Demonic Cultivator thing. Pass." Xue Yang could see Song Lan's eye twitch.

So what? He had better things to do and not a lot of time to do it. Throwing Song Lan his sword back, Xue Yang walked over to a pile of junk and began rummaging through it taking some important-ish items from it. Most of the actual important stuff, Jin Guangyao had taken, so Xue Yang had to make-do with what he had.

He left the place heading toward the city.

Chaos.

That was the best way to put it. 

Xiao Xingchen woke up to shouting and the sounds of battle. After surveying his surroundings, he found Xue Yang was gone and his stuff left behind on the table. Upon closer inspection Xiao Xingchen found that there was a nice green dress, presumably for A-Qing, some stuff for himself and a note underneath a Qiankun pouch. 

He got up and grabbed the note:

'Xingchen, 

I'm sorry I left without really saying goodbye. This was the only way. I've left you and A-Qing outfits for today as well as Jiangzai by the window. In the pouch I've got a dangerous weapon. Keep it safe and out of Lianfeng-Zun's hands. 

Don't worry about any dead cultivators, most of them are spirits I've summoned to appear dead. 

-Chengmei'

He read it a few times before folding it up and tucking it away with the pouch. After changing robes, he cast an illusion over Jiangzai and strapped it to his back. He grabbed the dress and went over to A-Qing and Song Lan's room.

Before Xiao Xingchen got the chance to open the door, Song Lan opened it as if expecting him. He seemed off, in a way Xiao Xingchen had never seen. Song Lan swiftly moved out of the way letting Xiao Xingchen in. 

"Zichen, are you alright?" Xiao Xingchen asked at he set the dress down next to A-Qing who was still sleeping.

"Yes, I suppose I am. But you should get going. I'll catch up with you after A-Qing is ready." Song Lan turned toward A-Qing. "That's a lovely dress you got her Xingchen.''

"It is, but A-Yang got it for her." Xiao Xingchen had to hold back his uneasiness at the thought of Xue Yang. Whether he was uneasy due to what Xue Yang was doing or uneasy because he may not see Xue Yang again, he wasn't certain. 

"Ah." Song Lan stood silently for a moment. "You should get going, we're wasting time."

"Right, yeah.'' Xiao Xingchen turned away swiftly before he darted off to the chaos. 

Xue Yang was having a blast with the chaos. It was a pity he couldn't actually kill anyone. The only things dying were his corpses that he dressed up and pretend to be living people. 

The screams were so melodic, though the deciples trying to capture him were rather annoying, at least until he saw a white figure in the distance. He quickly stabbed the deciples he was dealing with in non-fatal but demobilizing spots.

"Well, if it isn't The Bright Moon and The Gentle Breeze, Xiao Xingchen! Long time no see. Say, how's it been since we last saw eachother? We'll, I can probably guess actually. You were most likely being the stuck-up self-righteous little prick that you are, right?" He started laughing hysterically, not at Xiao Xingchen or out of madness, but at the sheer stupidity and absurdity of this. 

"I demand you stop this." Xiao Xingchen drew Shaunghua and aimed it at Xue Yang.

"Why should I? And you really think that sword if yours scares me? It views me as it's master just as much as you. It wouldn't dare hurt me. Besides, if you're so inclined on fairness, then fight fair. You've got a sword and I've got a fucking dagger. That doesn't seem fair." Xue Yang moved closer to Xiao Xingchen until they were inches apart.

He put the dagger to Xiao Xingchen's throat. Xiao Xingchen's gaze hardened but Xue Yang caught the blush dusting his face. He grinned winking at Xiao Xingchen which caused it to deepen.

"Careful Xiao-Xing, someone might catch on~"

Xiao Xingchen straightened up a bit. "You want to talk about fair? Three years of lies and deceit. Three years of false trust. Three years of you manipulating me. Was that fair, Xue Yang? This doesn't need to be fair anymore." He looked around clearly surveying the damage and carnage. "I'll give you one more chance, stand down, turn yourself in, and I'll make sure you don't die." 

"Ha! Likely story." He lowered the dagger and began to casually walk away. "I'd rather die than stand down."

"So be it." Xiao Xingchen lunged at Xue Yang.

Xue Yang easily evaded. He watched the Jin Deciples and civilian bystanders watch in both awe and horror. 

"So it will be." Xue Yang jumped over Xiao Xingchen and pushed him down. "You know, it was fun. Those three years. I mean, you did just about anything I asked and then some."

"Shut up!" Xiao Xingchen lunged again only when Xue Yang evaded he backed himself into a corner. 

"Fuck!" Xue Yang pulled his dagger out and pointed it at Xiao Xingchen. 

"You're rusty Xue Yang. I've won. Surrender."

Xue Yang spat at him and went to stab. The angle he provided should be enough for Xiao Xingchen to dodge and detain him. His calculations were slightly off as he did end up grazing Xiao Xingchen's torso, but Xiao Xingchen managed to detain him.

"Fuck!" When Xiao Xingchen got closer to him to bind his hands Xue Yang briefly examined the wound. "Sorry Daozhang, I didn't mean to."

Xiao Xingchen, who was currently tying the rope around his wrists, grabbed his hand gently, "It's alright A-Yang. I know you didn't. And thank you for not killing anyone." He smiled faintly as he finished the bindins.

"Yeah, well I was up almost all night setting this up." He turned his head to see the crowed watching them curiously, obviously unable to hear them but they could tell they were talking. Suddenly Xue Yang shouted, "You shitty Daoshi always get in my way!"

"Yeah, well you shouldn't have done this."

"Why not? The Jin tried to fucking kill me.

"Enough," came a voice from behind him.

He turned to find Song Lan. "Oh great, you multiplied."

After that he was silent as he, the two Daoshi and A-Qing were escorted to the conference. He really fucking hoped this worked. He kept shooting Song Lan glares and funny faces. He could see Xiao Xingchen struggling not to laugh and Song Lan trying oh so very hard to keep his cool.

When they entered, he saw Jin Guangyao standing at the door ready to greet them. Word must not have reached him, because he was quire shocked to find Xue Yang being escorted by his deciples and his expected guests.

"Oh my. And here I was starting to think the rumors were true." He chuckled narrowing his eyes at Xue Yang.

"Never." Xiao Xingchen practically spat. "I could never love a cold blooded murderer. Though I have one request, if I may, Lianfeng-Zun."

Jin Guangyao inclined his head. "Yes?"

"Can we keep him alive for now? I have a few things I'd like to ask him, and I'm sure Zichen here feels the same. He's deeply wronged the both of us, and we'd both like yo know why." Song Lan nodded along with Xiao Xingchen's words.

"I'll see what I can do. I do understand that you'd like answers and I'm sure he's not so easily willing to talk. However, we'll have to make some adjustments to our schedule as this takes precedence. Once we're done with him, we'll discuss the matter of a new sect for you." Jin Guangyao smiled politely and gestured for his deciples to take Xue Yang away. "Why don't the three of you head to the conference while I make sure Xue Yang's stripped of his weapons."

"Yes, of course." Both Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan bowed before heading off.

Xue Yang blew Xiao Xingchen a kiss as he left. "Don't worry Xiao Xingchen, I'll be back." He laughed until his stomach hurt.

Once he was in another room, Jin Guangyao came in. "So, tell me the truth. Were you really deceiving him the last time you were here? Did he truly not know? Jiang Cheng said that he defended you, though he called you Wei Wuxian."

"Hah! You really think I'd willingly spend my time with him, just because? What you saw was simply manipulation. I fucking hate him and Song Zichen. I wanted to ruin his life, but of course as long as his precious Zichen is there, he's fucking invincible. I only helped him because you had the guts to send one of your deciples to ruin my life." He scoffed. "As for the plum, he's delusional. Probably went crazy. If I'm the Yiling Laozu, then who do you think Xiao Xingchen was in his eyes?"

"I see." He looked to be thinking. 

Xue Yang knew what he was thinking about. He wanted the Yin Tiger Tally from Xue Yang. Xue Yang escaped with it, Jin Guangyao probably needed it, so he's hoping he can get it off of Xue Yang. Funny, Xue Yang could tell that Xiao Xingchen had picked it up and was carrying it on his person yet Jin Guangyao was none the wiser.

"I don't have it." Xue Yang stated dryly. 

"Don't have what?" His voice was so innocent and clueless, but Xue Yang knew better. He'd once helped this man commit attrocities. 

"The Tiger Tally, I don't have it. This is all I've got." He used his elbow to gesture toward the dagger. "I left everything else in Yi City, save for Jiangzai. Song Zichen fucking shattered it!"

"I find that hard to believe." Jin Guangyao narrowed his eyes.

''What, you gonna strip me down naked to find out?" Xue Yang chuckled. "Come on, we all know you're dying for some action. It's pathetic though, the fact that you have to rely on criminals." He shot Jin Guangyao a nasty grin.

Jin Guangyao didn't deign to respond. He simply removed Xue Yang's dagger, checked him over for anything else, and removed his Qiankun pouches. Once he was certain Xue Yang was no longer armed, he turned to his men and gestured for them to follow him.

They shoved Xue Yang out of the room and into the main area. Hecwas then shoved into the room where the conference was being held. When he saw Xiao Xingchen, Song Lan and A-Qing, he sent them a smile.

Both Song Lan and A-Qing glared at him, though he recognized them as the types he'd get when he should be focusing instead of distracted. Xiao Xingchen, on the other hand, just looked away. Xue Yang couldn't help but feel slightly hurt by that. He knew Xiao Xingchen was acting, but it still hurt.

Jin Guangyao bowed to everyone and returned in favor. "My sincerest apologies, but it seems that this morning, Xiao Xingchen and Song Zichen have finally captured and turned in, fugitive Xue Yang. Now, I know there have been some rumors circling about, but I assure you, Xue Yang is not the Yiling Patriarch nor is he having any sort of affair with Xiao Xingchen."

"But-" Jiang Cheng tried to say.

"Jiang Cheng, please remain silent, I will open the floor up for discussion shortly." He gave Jiang Cheng a light smile. "Xiao Xingchen and Song Zichen both wish that Xue Yang remain in captivity so that we may finally get answers as to why he did the things he did, however it is only fair that we all discuss a proper course of action that would take place after his imprisonment." He looked around the room eyes lingering on Xue Yang for a moment. "You may now discuss. One at a time."

Some lesser known sect leader spoke right as Jiang Cheng was about to speak. "He deserves death. After everything he's done, I don't know why Xiao Xingchen and Song Zichen would want to keep that beast alive any longer!"

Xue Yang glared at him and the man flinched. "What, you think those two aren't grown ass adults who can't make their own fucking decisions. And you call yourself a sect leader. Maybe you'll be next on my list." He grinned. 

The man remained silent. Xue Yang could've sworn he could see Xiao Xingchen stifling a laugh. He send a grin in Xiao Xingchen's direction and winked.

Jiang Cheng spoke up. "I think he should be sentenced to death immediately. After everything he's done, he shouldn't be allowed to live! Who knows what he's planning next. If he got away once, why won't he do it again."

Jin Guangyao gave Jiang Cheng a stern look. "This time, we'll have extra people watching him. He's no longer armed with any weapons. I believe it's only fair Song Zichen and Xiao Xingchen are allowed to try to get answers."

"Nonsense! He's a cold blooded killing machine. He could already be plotting his escape! He needs to go, now." Jiang Cheng stood up.

Xue Yang only now noticed Nie Huaisang hiding behind him. "Maybe I've been planning this for months, specifically for you, Jiang Wanyin. Maybe I don't like how you treated the Yiling Patriarch. Or maybe, just maybe, I don't fucking give a damn!'' He turned to Xiao Xingchen then glanced back at Jiang Cheng. "I don't give a shit about you, or Lotus Pier, I only care about Xiao Xingchen, Song Zichen, and Lianfeng-Zun, because they ruined my life.''

"Lies!" Jiang Cheng yelled. Jin Guangyao tried to calm him down, but it was useless.

"If I may," Xiao Xingchen interrupted. "I myself would like answers, Zichen feels the same." Song Lan nodded. "I only ask that we have time to ask our questions."

Jiang Cheng glared at Xiao Xingchen, so in turn, Xue Yang glared at him. "Xiao Xingchen, may I ask why you now wish to prolong his life when last time you were so keen on ending it quickly?"

"Jiang Wanyin, I have many questions that have been eating at me that I wish to ask him. He has sought me and Zichen out specifically to torment, for years. It's natural that we'd like to know why."

Jiang Cheng drew his sword and aimed it at Xiao Xingchen. "I saw you, Xiao Xingchen! I saw you with him, don't think I don't know what's going on!"

"Jiang Cheng," Jin Guangyao said in an attempt to calm thr situation. "Xiao Xingchen was tricked by Xue Yang. Xue Yang-"

Xue Yang cut him off. "He found me left for dead and took me in. It was only unfortunate that he happened to have given his eyes to his dear precious Zichen. I figured that I could have some fun, so I did. I pretended to be his friend, I guided him through night hunts and everything. It's unfortunate he couldn't see. I'm sure you can guess why. And when Song Lan fucking showed up, he ruined my fun and I was found out. After I went through all the trouble to get him back for Xiao Xingchen after Lianfeng-Zun's little stunt. I even pretended to love Xiao Xingchen, which is probably why you want answers, huh? You fell for everything-"

"Enough!" Song Lan said sternly.

Jiang Cheng pointed his sword at Xue Yang. "You're lying. I saw you, heard you! He defended you! Whether or not you're Xue Yang of Wei Wuxian you don't deserve another minute in this world!" 

Xue Yang didn't want to think of the mental gymnastics Jiang Cheng was doing to draw his conclusions but whatever. He cane yo terms with his fate rather quickly. Jiang Cheng lunged at him with the sword. With no way of dodging, Xue Yang closed his eyes and smiled bracing for impact.