Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was spring in Smeerensburg, which meant there was marginally less snow than usual and it was warm enough to forgo a layer or two of clothing, maybe even wear regular underwear rather than the long kind if one was feeling particularly adventurous. There wouldn’t be much of anything green or growing until summer, but anyone in the town could feel the beginnings of new life in the air regardless. Even Mogens had a bit of pep in his step.

On that spring afternoon, where the sun was still shining past 4 o’clock for the first time since he’d come to the island, Jesper Johansson was driving his cart out far from the village toward a lone cabin, where his closest friend lived (well, one of them. Alva might feel a bit insulted if he didn’t consider her on the same level as Klaus).

He led his horse to the stable with the reindeer and looked through his sack for the letters addressed to Klaus on his way to the door. It wasn't too hard to find them, given that he always made Klaus his last stop since the cabin was so far out.

Jesper raised his hand to knock but it passed through air instead, as Klaus had already opened it before he could do so.

“Oh! How’d you do that?” Jesper laughed. “I knew you had some sort of magic powers.”

Klaus smiled in that way that said if he were anyone else he’d also be laughing. It took a lot more for him to laugh, and Jesper loved to hear it so he tried as often as he could to draw it out of Klaus. “It’s nearly 5 in the evening. When there’s mail to bring, this is when you come.”

“I know, I’m very predictable that way. That’s a postman’s job! Come rain or storm—or was it rain or hail? Rain or snow? It doesn’t matter. Rain or something. I’m supposed to be on time no matter what. You get the idea!” Jesper babbled. He pressed the letters in his hand flat against Klaus’s chest, and Klaus brought his hands up to catch them so they wouldn’t fall to the floor when Jesper let go and walked into the house without waiting to be invited.

“Does it ever get any warmer here?” Jesper asked. He sat in the armchair in the living room, as Klaus followed behind him.

Klaus thumbed through the envelopes to read the return addresses. He knew most of them by heart now. “Give it a few more months. Maybe by June.”

“Back home there are flowers blooming by now. And, and new baby birds. Actual things you see in the springtime. This is just, winter-lite,” Jesper said with a dramatic flourish, throwing himself back over the arm of the chair and pressing the back of his hand to his forehead as though he were going to faint.

Klaus settled into the couch. “You’re not considering going back now, just because of the weather?”

Jesper sat up straight, eyes wide. “No! No, of course not. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. Or ever at all, probably. What I have here is more important than anything back in the city, and—” he caught the sparkle in Klaus’s eye—“and you’re just messing with me. Don’t do that!”

Klaus’s carefully constructed frown broke, and his chest rumbled with low, quiet laughter, Jesper's favorite sound in the world. 

“Ugh, you’re the worst. I take it back, everyone here is awful and mean to me,” Jesper moped. “And here I was thinking I was ready to find someone and settle down. Maybe Mogens can take me home tomorrow.”

“Settle down? You?” Klaus laid the children’s letters down gently on the couch.

“Ha ha, very funny. I’m serious, I think if I’m going to be in Smeerensburg for the long haul, I should find someone to build a life with,” Jesper explained.

“I’m sure there’s a nice woman your age who could—”

Jasper broke into uproarious giggles, so hard his feet came off the ground. He wiped a tear from his eye. “Klaus, I know you’re a quiet guy but you’re not stupid. Do I look like someone who wants to be with a woman?”

Klaus frowned. “Well what else would you mean by settle down than find a wife and start a family?”

Jesper looked at him for a moment. “You’re being genuine. Oh my god. Uh, no. I don’t—I’m not—I’m quite literally very limp-wristed.”

No recognition showed in Klaus’s eyes.

“Effeminate? Fruity? Inverted .”

That one did the trick. Klaus’s eyes lit up like someone had just lit the lamps inside. “Oh. That does change things a bit. Narrows your options, I suppose.”

Jesper waited. “That’s all? Thank god. I was a little worried you’d be…you know.”

Klaus frowned again. “Jesper, you’re the best friend I have. You’d have to do a lot more than have different tastes in romantic relationships to make me mad at you.”

“Thanks big guy, that means a lot,” Jesper said.

“Does Alva know? She seems pretty attached to you.”

“Klaus. Buddy. You must not have much of a sense for these things. Alva’s like me,” Jesper snorts. “You’d have to be blind to miss that. I haven’t asked her directly, but it’s hard to miss.”

“I am but a naïve old man,” Klaus sighed.

This time Jesper knew he was joking. “But yeah, I feel like I’m at a point in my life where it’s time to be seriously looking, y’know? Oh, hey, time’s just flying by,” he braced his hands on the arms of the chair and stood sharply. “I actually have dinner plans with Alva tonight. Thanks for letting me warm up here before I have to go back to town. Which is now. That I have to go back.”

Klaus nodded and rose to see Jesper out to his mail cart. “You’re always welcome.”

Jesper beamed at Klaus over his shoulder as he made it to the door. “Thanks anyway.”

Klaus opened the door and clapped Jesper on the shoulder. It was enough force to make Jesper stumble a bit, but his smile didn’t falter and neither did his step. He hitched his horse back to the cart and headed back toward Smeerensburg proper, just a bit warmer than he’d been when he was on the way there.

The thing was. He hadn’t told Klaus everything. He was looking to settle down with a good man, sure. But he hadn’t mentioned that he’d already fallen hook line and sinker for a certain stoic woodsman and toy maker. If he thought about it for about five minutes it was pretty obvious that it was going to happen. A) Jesper had a clear type and B) even at his brattiest he was a hopeless romantic deep down, and meeting a feral man who changed his life as much as said feral man was also changed by him sounded like a plot line right out of the sappy books his favorite nanny had left lying around when he was a child.

All that to say, he very much was planning on telling Klaus. Just, slowly and carefully. It was already a good sign that he hadn’t just grabbed Jesper by the scruff and thrown him out in the snow when he told him he was interested in men.

The sun dipped below the horizon as Jesper made it into town. He went back to the post office and left his bag and his uniform hat, choosing to dress down a bit. It was just Alva, after all. He walked to the schoolhouse instead of driving his cart, since the weather was so nice (as nice as it could be, in Smeerensburg).

Alva’s door did not magically open when Jesper got to it, so he knocked. She led him back through the school into her living quarters, where her small table was already set with their meal, including drinks already poured.

Alva wasn’t much for small talk, although she was better at it than Klaus. She managed a few minutes of idle chatter about what the kids had done in school that day and how warm it was outside. Jesper decided to be merciful and get right to what he really wanted to talk about before she ran out of false pleasantries.

“So I’m in love,” Jesper announced.

Alva quirked an eyebrow. “It better not be with me.”

“Of course not. I can’t imagine you touching a man with a ten foot pole,” Jesper snarked. “Now, me on the other hand.”

Alva nodded like that made perfect sense. “That clears things up. Are you going to tell him?”

There was a time when Jesper would have given more resistance to her assuming she knew exactly who he had feelings for, but he knew that he’d matured a little bit past that in his time on the island, and that having a best friend who knew you so well didn’t have to be something to fight against.

“I thought I was telling him today, but I chickened out when it got to the part where I actually. You know. Told him. But I’m going to. I just need to work up to it,” Jesper said, chasing a perfectly round carrot slice around his plate with his fork.

Alva rolled her eyes, but she smiled. “If it were a month or two ago I wouldn’t believe you.”

“And now?”

“Now, I think you mean that,” she conceded.

Jesper skewered the carrot and chewed it carefully. “It’s not like it was when I was in the city. There was like. A code. A whole night life, and if you knew the right people and the right places, you didn’t have to worry about someone stabbing you if you came on to them.”

“Klaus would never,” Alva assured him. “And just because he was married before doesn’t mean he can’t feel the same way you do. Plenty of people do both.”

“And what about you?” Jesper asked, a feeble attempt to turn the tables.

“There was a girl I grew up with on the mainland. I haven’t seen her in a long time. Of course, now that we have a working post office here, maybe I could write her a letter.”

“I knew you were just keeping me around to use me for my services!”

“You caught me,” Alva said dryly, taking a drink. “I was in it for the silly hat the whole time.”

Jesper dragged his hand down his face. “You love me. And my hat.”

“Of course I do,” Alva said.

And Jesper knew she meant that even if it sounded very sarcastic. “I just want to do this right, you know? Klaus isn’t just some guy like the guys in the city. He’s Klaus .”

“Magical and awesome?” Alva teased.

“I don’t want to know how you know that,” he groaned.

“Look. After everything that you already did—” this made Jesper cringe—“and already redeemed yourself for, I don’t think you could do or say anything to Klaus that would make him think of you any differently. Even if he shoots you down, he’d still want to be your friend.”

Jesper inhaled deeply. “I know. I know. I just have to build up the courage. And I think I could handle that, really. Just, having him around is enough, if it’s all I can get.”

Alva spent the rest of the night offering ways that Jesper could go about telling Klaus how he felt, some significantly better than others (too many involving fish). At the end of dinner Jesper thanked her for having him over and walked home in the dark.

Klaus chopped up vegetables in his kitchen. He was frustrated, as this task seemed to be taking a lot longer than usual. He was too in his head about where his life was going to be able to focus on his stew.

It was his turn to feed Jesper. Jesper, like any other spoiled rich kid who didn’t know how to take care of himself, did not know how to feed himself properly. He’d started getting better about at least having breakfast, but the best way for the people who cared about him to know that he was going to bed with food in his stomach was to try to feed him a few nights a week. So Alva and Klaus had agreed (without Jesper’s knowledge) to take turns inviting him over for dinner.

Having Jesper over was nice. It was a way to take care of him, and a nice reason to see him that didn’t involve work. Sometimes Alva would tag along when it was Klaus’s turn, but most often it was just Klaus and Jesper alone.

Today, however, having Jesper over was setting Klaus on edge.

After their conversation the week before, Klaus’s heart kept trying to beat out of his chest every time he saw Jesper. His head was swimming.

He couldn’t really pinpoint exactly why. He really didn’t have any problem with Jesper liking men. It hadn’t been something he’d ever put much thought into, but it really wasn’t any of Klaus’s business what Jesper got up to on his own time.

So it shouldn’t have been in his head constantly. There was a foreign voice in his mind that suggested a reason that he wouldn’t even touch. That wasn’t it. He wasn’t going there. He was just trying very hard not to think badly of his friend, and that was all there was to it.

Jesper meant too much to Klaus for Klaus to ruin it.

He carried the vegetables to the fire and slid them off the cutting board into the pot. The wind whistled just outside the door.

Jesper would be there within seconds. He didn’t want to stroke Jesper’s ego by revealing that he did in fact have a magic trick for knowing when he’d be there. And it would make him sound insane, at any rate. My dead wife speaks to me in the wind. She seems to like you a lot, and always lets me know when you’ll be here. Jesper would run away for sure.

He took his cutting board back to the kitchen and moved to open the door. This time, Jesper hadn’t bothered knocking.

He still had his uniform on, and held letters for Klaus in his hand. Even though they had decided to move to a once a year delivery, the children would still write to Klaus fairly regularly to tell him about the kinds of toys they’d like and what good things they had been doing to deserve them.

“I still don’t know how you do that,” Jesper said. Much like usual, he shoved the handful of letters at Klaus and moved past him. If it were anyone else, Klaus would think of it as rude, but Jesper was an exception to most of Klaus’s rules and ideas of how things should be.

“Busy day?” Klaus asked instead of defending his ability to always know when Jesper was coming.

“I had more deliveries today than any other so far. And I sent Mogens off to the mainland with about a dozen letters too. Seems like Smeerensburg is ready to reconnect with the rest of the world now.” Jesper took his hat off and dropped it on the armchair.

Klaus thought about making a hook on the wall for him to hang it by the door.

“Including one from Alva, reconnecting with an old friend from her hometown.”

“How’s she been?” It had been a while since the last time she came with Jesper to Klaus’s house.

Jesper pulled off his postman’s coat as well, and draped it over the back of the chair. “She’s fine. Mostly she just makes fun of my love life.”

And there went Klaus’s heart all over again. “What love life?”

“Ugh, you’re worse than Alva. That’s what she says,” Jesper groaned. “But there is someone, that I’ve noticed. I haven’t. Talked to him, about it, at all, but at least there’s someone I’m. Interested in.”

Klaus stirred the stew over the fire.

“It’s just, it’s hard, you know? I have to be careful about it. He could tell the whole town and then if they react badly Mogens would be shipping me back to the city in pieces.”

“So you think Mogens wouldn’t hate you? Or at least, enough to still take you home.” Klaus asked. He sat on the couch, slowly, since his back had been catching a bit lately.

“Oh please. Klaus. We’ve been through this before. Do I need to give you lessons on how to recognize these things?” Jesper laughed. “Mogens has a partner back on the mainland. A male one.”

“It’s usually safer to assume—”

“I know,” Jesper cut off. “Anyway. Yes, I could trust Mogens to get me off the island if I needed him to. It’s funny, because there was definitely a time I didn’t know that, but he cares more than he lets on.”

Klaus made at least one connection in his head. “So if you trust Mogens, he’s not who you’re pining after.”

Jesper shook his head. “No, I have a pretty specific type, and it’s not Mogens.”

Klaus couldn’t just let that be. He stood and took the stew from the fire, setting it in the kitchen to cool. Jesper followed him and sat at the table. “What is your type, then?”

“Huh. I didn’t think you’d want to know that? Well. This guy, he’s. He checks all the boxes. I like someone older than me, big and strong—what can I say, I like to be a little…manhandled. And I like a lot of hair. It’s something to hold onto when—you don’t want to hear about that. But with this guy, it’s not just about the looks. He’s got more love and understanding in his pinky than the rest of us have in our whole bodies.”

Jesper rested his elbows on the table and perched his chin in his hands.

Klaus ladled stew into two bowls and sat them on the table, sitting across from Jesper.

“So why aren’t you going for it?” Klaus asked. His heart still threatened to leap from his chest, but he could keep his cool. He’d have to.

“He used to be married. I know there are people that…enjoy the company of men and women, but it’s still a point against him being more likely to be receptive, you know?” Jesper explained around bites of stew that he really should have let cool longer “Ow, shit. I buhned my tongue.”

The wind rattled the windows. “Geez, some weather,” Jesper said.

What was Lydia trying to tell him? “I think you should tell him, whoever he is. If he’s as caring as you say, he wouldn’t use your feelings for him against you.”

“Well what about you? Would you ever consider…looking for love, a second time?” Jesper asked.

Klaus thought about it for a moment. He hadn’t really considered it a possibility, especially given the limited people he’d have to choose from in Smeerensburg. And what would Lydia think? She was gone, but in her own way she was still with him. Would she rather he be happy with someone else, or miserable without her? Would it be disrespectful to her memory to move on?

“Klaus?”

Oh, right. Jesper was expecting an answer. “I don’t know.”

Jesper just kept looking at him.

“Before you came, I was perfectly content to stay in my cabin and never lay eyes on another living soul again. If I can reconnect to the rest of the world, then…maybe, I could find someone.”

This wasn’t normal. Jesper was letting things be unusually quiet, and while normally Klaus would jump on the chance for some peace and quiet, in this setting he didn’t like Jesper not talking.

“Not that there are many people willing to have me anymore,” Klaus said to fill the silence.

“What, you? Come on, you’re a catch,” Jesper said.

Good. Jesper was supposed to talk. “I’m old and set in my ways.”

“You’re established and know what you want. Those are positives. And you work with your hands. That does a lot for a lot of people, trust me.” After a moment’s thought, he gestured with his spoon. “And you cook!”

Klaus closed his eyes and tried to picture being with someone again. Coming in from the woods to someone waiting on him, going to bed at night with someone next to him. Adding a wooden figure to his family tree. Someone who would tell stories of their day by the fire, share meals together, make Klaus laugh.

All he could seem to picture was Jesper.

The idea of someone sharing his home and his life…it just gave him images of Jesper.

The wind shook the windows again.

Klaus stood and took their dishes to clean them.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s ok if you don’t try again. You had your big love story already,” Jesper said.

“I just don’t have a lot of experience,” Klaus admitted. “I’ve been with one person most of my life, and then I’ve been without her. That’s it. I don’t know how to do any of that anymore.”

“Well I’ve never been in any kind of lasting relationship, so I can’t exactly help you with that,” Jesper drawled.

Suddenly, Klaus knew (or was ready to admit) why it was eating at him so much to know that Jesper liked men. It made the idea of being with him real. There was a non zero chance of Jesper being attracted to Klaus. That wasn’t on the table before, and now it was. And Klaus wanted it, badly. He wanted nothing more than for this strange little postman from the big city to sleep in his bed and hold him and sit across from the table from him every night.

And Jesper was already interested in someone else. It made a pit form in his stomach.

“Jesper.”

Jesper turned to face Klaus in his seat.

“This man you have feelings for. Is it serious? Is this someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?”

Jesper nodded with his eyes closed. “I hope…I hope you‘ll approve.”

“Anyone who loves you is welcome in my life,” Klaus said. And he really meant it, even if it stung.

Jesper was abnormally quiet again, then he stood and crossed the floor to stand next to Klaus. He lifted his hand, hesitated, and rested it on Klaus’s arm. “You know you’re the reason I came back."

Klaus turned his head and kept his hands busy with the dishes.

“Klaus, I wouldn’t have gotten off the boat if you weren’t here. I’d have gone home with my father and never looked back. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

Jesper waited for Klaus to say something, but Klaus couldn’t make any words.

“This is the part where you say how much that means to you, or that I changed your life too? Or just ‘Jesper, stop being so emotional,’ would be enough, really,” Jesper leaned in and whispered with his hand beside his mouth.

Klaus dried the bowls and sat them down. He took a breath, and turned fully to face Jesper.

Jesper was staring right back up at him, hopeful.

“Jesper, you’ve done more than change my life. You gave me a life to begin with. The way I was living before can’t really be called living. It was just subsisting.”

Jesper stammered for a second, before deciding he couldn’t seem to make his vocal cords work, and opting to tangle his fingers in Klaus’s beard for purchase and pull up to his level to kiss him.

Kissing Jesper was both not all that different and worlds apart from kissing Lydia. The mechanics of it were the same, and the height difference was much the same, but where Lydia was pliant and slow about it, Jesper was forceful and hungry in his movements. Klaus imagined this came from a higher experience level than he or Lydia ever had. Jesper kissed with a sureness, like he knew all the tricks.

Jesper pulled back and let his heels fall back to the floor.

“Jesper, what about your…the man you’re infatuated with?”

Laughter wasn’t exactly the reaction Klaus was expecting. “I thought I was being pretty obvious about it. Older? Lots of hair?” This was punctuated by him tugging at Klaus’s beard. “Big enough to throw me around? Are any of these things ringing a bell, or do I need to spell it out more?”

Klaus could feel his face heating up.

“Klaus. I love you. I have for probably longer than I even realized. There’s no one else,” Jesper said when Klaus stayed silent.

The pit in Klaus’s stomach was finally gone.

The wind rattled the windows.

Klaus cupped Jesper’s jaw and pulled him in again.

When they came up for air, Klaus could form words again.

“Are you sure about this? I’ve never been with…I’ve never been with anyone but Lydia,” he asked.

“And I’ve never been long-term with anyone, remember. So all the parts you know how to do, I don’t. That’s where you can take the reins and show me how to do all of this. And then the parts I know how to do—well I’d still prefer you at the reins—” Jesper waggled his eyebrows—“but I can give you some pointers.”

Klaus laughed, the sound reverberating low in his chest.

“I love you,” Jesper said, sounding much softer and smaller than he ever had before.

“I love you too.”