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Chapter Text

YOK'S POV

"What's all this about?" Yok asked as he entered the garage, where Black has asked them to meet.

Black mentioned that he has a new mission for them and it's important. That's why they are all here now, complete, and somewhat anxious and excited as they wait for Black to announce this so-called mission.

Personally, for Yok, the kinds of missions that their gang were doing always aroused him, light up something in him. However, since that day when he was kidnapped and almost beaten to death, deep inside him, he became scared and anxious. He was afraid that what happened will happen to him again, that for this time he might not be able to survive. That he might truly die. Nonetheless, these feelings cannot stop him in fighting for his beliefs. He is very much aware of the consequences of this kind of life. He was prepared. He has already steeled himself.

Black handed a brown folder to Gumpa. The latter opened it, it was full of photographs of different people.

"Nuvit Ayutthaya, a wealthy governor whom I believe is helping Tawi behind the scenes." Black explained. He's discussing this photograph of a man shaking hands with another man. The photo was likely taken during a ribbon cutting of a place that Yok doesn't really know of.

Gumpa went to another photo. This time it was a good-looking man around their age.

"Damn, even a child was helping Tawi?" White bursts.

"We're the same age. It's like you are also calling us a child." Gram retorted. White decided to ignore him and let his twin brother speak again.

"Not really. But, that kid is Nuvit Ayutthaya's only son. His heir. And they are both rotten to the core." Black scoffed.

"How rotten?" Yok inquired.

"He sleeps with whoever he can get his hands on. He's a fucking playboy who only thinks with his dick."

"Exactly your type." I whispered to Gram who was sitting next to me. Gram flashed me his middle finger that made me laugh a little.

"How is this kid related to this mission?" Gumpa asked.

"Well, he is currently the most important thing to the Ayutthaya household." Black grinned. It was obvious that he was planning something devious. "And he has a lot of holes that we can take advantage of."

"And who's this?" Gumpa raised the third photo from the folder. Another middle-aged man wearing an expensive suit. Unlike Nuvit, this man was adorned with a serious face.

"Chaloem Pakon. A businessman that is wealthier than the Ayutthayas." Black continued.

Pakon. Yok was dumbfounded when he heard that familiar name. It has already been three years since he last heard that name. Just by the sound of it, it makes his guts feel like they are being twisted.

"We are still not sure about that person's connection to Tawi, however, he has a good relationship with Ayutthaya so we also need  to look out for him."

"Finally," Black stared at Yok for a second or two. Confused, Yok asked "why?"

"Ray Pakon." Black pointed to the fourth picture that Gumpa is currently holding. "He is the only son of Chaloem Pakon. He is also a close friend of Ayutthaya's son. He's studying at the same university as yours, Yok."

"Yok?" Sean tapped his shoulders. But, Yok could not care less. He cannot believe what his eyes are seeing right now. Ray... His Ray.

---
RAY'S POV

"Waking up with a hangover felt like shit, right?" Top asked him with a smirk on his face.

"Shut up, bastard. My head's ringing." Ray scorned. He sat down next to Mew. Ray was actually planning to not attend this class. However, Mew pestered him this morning, telling him that he needs to attend University today as they need to talk about some project or whatever.

"This is what I am telling you, Ray, you should lessen drinking alcohol. With what you're doing, you are just slowly killing yourself." Ray cannot count anymore how many times Mew told him this fucking same lines again and again.

"Maybe that's my goal, to kill myself." Ray whispered to himself. Luckily, Mew didn't hear him because if he did, he would non-stop scold him and convinced him how beautiful this fucking life is.

Ray decided to completely ignore the squabbles of his friends and just take a nap. He surely can't function properly today, when he feels like his head is going to split open.

"Ah, right, I'll just give this to him once he wakes up. I'm really sorry about this. Yes. Bye."

"What was that?"

"Oh, you're awake. Here, someone gave this to you." Mew handed him a box of milk with a small note on it. "He gave this to you, but you're sleeping so, yeah." Then he pointed towards a man who's wearing jeans, and a sleeveless top that makes his bird tattoo on his arm visible. As this man was already walking away from them, Ray can only see his back, and it's not enough to determine who that person is.

"Who's that?"

"Dunno. He just said that he is your friend."

"Are you secretly dating, Ray?" Nick teased. Ray only rolled his eyes.

I don't know anyone who looks as rugged as him. Ray thought to himself. He inspected the box of milk and read the paper with a note written on it.

I need to talk to you.

8:00 pm. Nesvine Bar

- Yok.

Who the fuck is Yok?

Ray is quite familiar with where that bar is, as he and his friends frequently go there.

He crumpled the paper and threw it away. He then gave the milk to Mew.

"Eh? Isn't this for you?"

"I'm not a fan of milk." Because it reminds me of someone I truly wanted to forget.

---

Ray did not go to Nesvine Bar. He totally forgot about it as he was asked by his highschool friends to meet up.

That's why instead of the bar, he is currently at a fancy restaurant.

"Ray!" Wat stood up to greet and hug him.

"Wat, Thua." He hugged back Wat, while he tapped Thua's shoulders.

"How are you, guys, doing?" Ray asked after he sat next to Thua, facing Wat.

"I'm doing great. I actually want to invite you to the showing of my first indie film." Wat announced. He handed me the ticket for his film.

"Oh, God. Congratulations, Wat!"

I cannot describe how happy I am for him. He is finally achieving his dreams.

" I really hope that people will love my film."

"Of course, they will. You're the great Wat, every film that you make is and will be a masterpiece." I assured him. He smiled at me and lightly tapped my hand.

"How about you, Thua?"

"Life's been good to me so far. I am really enjoying my course, and Kan and I, are still very happy with each other."

"So, where's Kan?"

"H's finishing a report that's why he could not come with us. However, he wanted me to make sure that you're doing fine and you stopped drinking alcohol." Thua stared at me. He was like waiting for an honest answer on how my life has been.

I sighed. "Do I look like I am not fine?"

"Ray..."

"Thua, I am very much fine, alright. Well, sometimes I still cling to alcohol, but promise, I can control myself." I even raised my right hand as if I was making a pledge.

"Ray..." Thua was about to say something when the waiter approached us to deliver our food.

Thua decided to drop the topic and let the three of us enjoy the food.

"Oh, right, me and my friends are actually planning to open a hostel. You should visit it once it's done."

"Whoa, that's great. When will you, guys, open?" -Wat.

"We are still renovating this and that, so we will probably start our operations by the end of this year."

The night passed by and we spent our whole time catching up with each other, discussing our future plans, and even reminiscing our memories of our high school days.

We were laughing after we talked about how Kan was so in love with Thua, and yet he was so in denial of his feelings during our time in Suppalo.

"Ah, um, right..." Wat suddenly becomes serious.

Ray felt his heart ache as he knew what Wat would say next.

"About Akk -"

"I'm sorry, Wat, but can we not talk about this?" I smiled at him. I'm not really sure if I even showed him a proper smile or what, because whenever they will bring up that name, all I feel is pain.

The sound of that name never failed to  break my heart into pieces.

"We -"

"Wat, please. It's either you will continue to talk about that or I will leave this place."

Thua held Wat's arm. Implying that he should stop. Wat nodded, agreeing.

No one wants to ruin this night. So, we acted as if nothing happened. We continued talking about our current lives.

Chapter Text

RAY'S POV

"Why are you so late?" Mew asked. He was sitting beside his boyfriend Top, whose presence really makes my skin crawl.

"Did you drown yourself from alcohol again?" Nick asked, he was somewhat worried and mad. Well, Mew scolds me for clinging to alcohol, while Nick, hates me for it.

"Nope. I spent time with my highschool friends yesterday. We had a lot of things to catch up on, we didn't notice the time." Ray answered honestly. There is no reason for him to lie.

"How was it?" Mew asked.

I smiled softly as I remembered how happy my friends are with their lives right now.

"They're doing great. I'm happy for them." And a bit envious as I still cannot find my own happiness after --

"Oh, right. Here, your friend wanted me to give this to you, again."

Ray furrowed his eyebrows. He looked at what Mew handed him: a small box of milk with a note sticking on it. It was the same stuff yesterday.

The Nesvine Bar guy. What was his name again?

"Why don't he just give it to you directly? Stop bothering Mew." Top complained.

"Fuck off. I don't even know this guy." I scoffed.

"The rough looking guy from before? The one with tattoos?" Nick queried. "Ah, the guy I thought that Ray was secretly dating. You don't know him?"

"But he told me that you guys were friends. He even knows your name."

I looked at Mew. "My name?" Mew nodded.

I finally read the note.

I really need to talk to you, Ray. I'll wait for you at Nesvine Bar.

-Yok.

"I don't know anyone with a Yok name." I said as I crumpled the paper.

Right, this guy asked me to meet him at Nesvine Bar last time. He's asking me again.

"Maybe one of your one-night-stands? Maybe you're just too drunk to remember."

Mew glared at Top, while the latter received ceaseless profanities from me. Nick laughed, finding the situation funny.

We only stopped when the professor came and started his lecture.

I glanced at the box of milk that this stranger Yok gave me.

Out of all things, why this brand of milk?

It was Ray's favorite when he was still in high school. Some of his friends back then always teased him for being short. So, thinking that milk might help him to improve his height, he started drinking this exact same milk that was in front of him.

It's been years since he stopped drinking this. No one knows in his college friends about him liking this brand of milk.

So why did Yok give him this? Is it just a coincidence? And who the hell this
Yok is? Why is he bothering me?

He was busy dealing with his migraine yesterday that he didn't mind this Yok. But now, thinking about it, it certainly piqued his curiosity.

With that in mind, Ray decided to go to Nesvine Bar as soon as his classes were over.

---

YOK'S POV

I waited for Ray yesterday for exactly five hours.

I knew it. A smart person like Ray wouldn't just agree to meet up with a random stranger like Yok.

Right, a stranger.

However, he really needed to talk to Ray. That's why for the second time, he tried again to reach out to him through his friend and his favorite drink and a note. Hoping that for this time, Ray would maybe be curious enough to meet up with him.

That's why Yok is currently in Nesvine Bar, hoping for Ray to show up.

Yok waited for this. He was very much prepared to meet Ray. He was the one who asked for this.

But, when he saw Ray entering the bar in his black sando topped with a denim polo shirt, paired with jeans and rubber shoes, Yok felt like everything stopped.

He froze into his place. He didn't know what to do.

He prepared for this.

He's ready for this.

Until he wasn't.

He felt his heart beating as if any time it would break his rib cage apart. Seeing Ray again, in person, in blood and flesh, makes his knees weak, and turns his heart and mind into shambles.

It pained him so much. He wants to run to Ray and pull him into a tight hug, without any intention of letting him go.

He wants to kiss him, to cuddle him, to lock him into his arms and to make him his.

He wants to claim Ray once again.

But, it's now impossible.

The moment when they locked eyes with each other, the moment that Ray realized he was meeting him, and how that made Ray look so hurt, disgusted, and betrayed, that's when Yok knew how much he fucked up.

Yok realized how Ray's existence was so undeserving for him. That to be together with Ray again is best described as beyond impossible.

---
RAY'S POV

I was about to enter the bar when I noticed a familiar face. A so fucking familiar face that I wish I'd never have to see again.

Flashbacks came rushing into my mind. I was flooded by reminders of the past, of memories that I wish I could permanently erase from my fucking mind.

"Ray..."

I saw him start to walk towards me.

I want to run away. My mind was telling me to run, to leave this place, and to hide from him. But my body wouldn't move.

I can't face him. I don't want to.

It was too late.

He's already in front of me.

And all the feelings that I kept for many years were starting to break away. It was starting to flood. I couldn't stop it.

"Ray..."

He tried to touch me.

I pushed him away and punched his face.

"Don't you dare fucking touch me." I wasn't yelling. I am even surprised at how calm my voice is, but it was still filled with spite.

The people around us started to be alarmed. There are guards who are starting to approach us. But Akk looked at them, signaling with his hand that he's fine and they don't need to intervene.

It looks like he has some connection here as the guards indeed stop intervening.

"Ray, please, I just want to talk to you." Akk's voice was also calm but I can see in his eyes how hurt he was.

From the punch? I can't tell.

"After 3 fucking years, Akk? Now you want to talk?"

"Ray..." He tried to reach for me again. The moment he made contact with my skin, I couldn't stop myself from looking at him with so much disgust.

That was enough for him to step away. He removed his hand from my arm as if he was being burned.

"Let's talk please." Akk begged. It almost came out as a whisper.

But I heard it. And it almost made me feel sorry for him.

No, Ray. He is just deceiving you. He doesn't love you. He never did!

Ray felt dizzy. It was like the world around him was spinning. It didn't help that his migraine was acting up.

He heaved a loud sigh.

"Please, Akk..." Ray started. "Please don't fucking show your face in front of me again." He pleaded before he walked out of the bar.

Chapter Text

YOK'S POV

"Please don't fucking show your face in front of me again."

I almost begged into my knees when Ray said those words. I wanted to stop him. To begged him to stay with me and listen to my explanation.

But, I couldn't.

I saw how Ray looked so hurt and tired. I witnessed how he was suffering just by looking at me.

"This is your mission, Yok."

Out of the blue, he remembered what Black told him. It was as if he heard him in his mind.

Right, this is a mission, Yok. You need to stay by Ray's side. He was convincing himself.

He shut his eyes, cursed himself, before he ran outside to follow Ray.

I'm sorry, Ray. This is something that I need to do.

My heart broke when I saw Ray sitting on the floor crying. I felt my eyes start to swell with tears.

I was about to go to him. To tell him how sorry I am again and again.

I've known Ray for a long time, and this is the first time that I saw him like this.

And all of this was my fault.

I was stopped when two men approached Ray. They were Ray's friends.

I know that I am the least that Ray needs right now. That if I am the one to help him, he might get worse.

So I decided to just watch from where I was standing.

---

RAY'S POV

As I was walking towards my car, my vision started to blur as my tears started to fall.

It's hard to breathe. It feels as if something within me that was already broken, begins to break more into thousands of pieces.

I waited for him for three whole fucking years. But, now that he's here, all I could feel is pain, hatred, and anger.

No, I don't even hate him. I despised him.

And yet, I still love him.

Even though it hurts so much, I still love him.

Even though it destroys me, I still love him.

I hate myself for still loving him. After all these years. After he left me alone. After he betrayed me.

When I saw him earlier, the first thing that came to my mind was to hug him, to tell him how I miss him, and to beg him to stay with me and not leave me again.

And I feel like shit because of that.

I feel like shit for still wanting him.

I almost killed myself because of what he did. My life was ruined because he fucking left me without even saying goodbye. He left me alone, full of questions of what had gone wrong. Of what did I do to make him leave me.

For three years, I was asking myself what I did wrong. I spent years blaming and hating myself.

I spent three years waiting for him.

While it only took a year for him to find someone new.

It hurts. It goddamn hurts...

"Ray?"

I looked up to a familiar voice. I cried loudly after I saw Mew and Top. They both looked shocked and worried as I let myself wept.

"It hurts so much, Mew. It hurts so damn much." I cried.

Mew wrapped me in his arms. Top removed his jacket and covered me in it.

"Ray, let's go home, hm?" Top asked softly.

Normally, we would exchange profanities against one another. However, seeing me in this vulnerable state, even Top acted kindly as he felt sorry for me.

I nodded my head. They helped me get up and guide me to Top's car. Of course, they wouldn't let me drive. Not that I am in the condition to do so.

Mew sat beside me in the back seat while Top drove the car. The ride was quiet except for the sound of my sobbing.

No one asked me what happened. Mew just hugged me tightly. Whereas, Top decided to just focus on the road.

I am grateful for the silence. And I am also thankful that no one tried to pry about what happened.

Because I can't tell them. I don't know how to tell them without breaking down again. Without going through the pain once again. And without remembering the past that I was trying so hard to forget.

After some time, Mew tapped my shoulder. "Ray, we're here." He whispered.

I nodded my head. I laughed softly when Top opened the car door for me.

"So you can be a gentleman huh?" I teased.

Top simply shook his head and smiled a little.

"Come on, Princess Ray, you're home." He joked. I smiled at him and mouthed a small thank you. He softly pattered my back.

"Ray..." Mew called.

I looked at him. It was obvious that he wanted to ask lots of questions, but still chose not to.

He held my hand. "You can always talk to me alright?"

I gave him an assuring smile. "Thank you, Mew."

I bid them goodbye before I went inside.

Chapter Text

RAY'S POV

It has been a week since I met Akk. Since then, I stopped going to class.

For a whole week, I locked myself in my room, curled up in bed, and did nothing but sleep and... cry.

I know that everyone's worried. Especially my friends Mew, Nick, and even Top. Nonetheless, I still refuse to face them.

Since I saw Akk, all memories related to him start to haunt me again. Our memories in Suppalo, our time with our friends, and our time together.

Memories that I was trying to forget for years.

Honestly, I really want to hear an explanation from Akk. On why he left me, on why he was nowhere to be found for the whole three years, and on why he fell in love with someone while I am still hopelessly waiting for him.

Right. That day.

When I finally found Akk. When I saw him kissing another guy. When I saw how happy he was while I was left miserable and hopeless.

The day when my world was turned upside down that I almost killed myself.

I laughed bitterly at the thought.

Fuck. I still remember it clearly. Every detail.

And it hurts. It pains me so damn much that I just want to end everything right here and now.

I'm tired of all this shit.

I don't want to feel anymore.

I heard the door opened. It's my friend Boston, holding a set of keys.

"Why are you being like this again, Ray?" He gently asked. I sat up and he locked me into his arms.

I cried. "Ton, it hurts... It hurts so much." I mumbled repeatedly.

"I know, I know." He soothed.

---
BOSTON'S POV

I met Ray in the most unforgettable way.

It was the night of December. I was in this bar, flirting with this particular guy when I saw Ray.

I saw him in the male's bathroom, wasted and crying on the floor. He was a total mess.

I'm not a kind hearted person but I don't know, that night maybe I was in a good mood because I impulsively decided to help him.

I even took care of him.

I brought him into my unit, changed his clothes, and even let him sleep in my bed.

Never in my life have I imagined myself doing something like that for someone.

Maybe Ray was special.

That's something I wasn't sure of.

When I woke up, my soul almost left me when I saw Ray on my balcony trying to jump.

He was a suicidal fucker.

I stopped him, of course. I thought that helping Ray was like biting something more than I can chew off. Yet, I still helped him.

I listened to him.

I even let him stay in my place for two days as according to him, he wasn't ready to go back home.

From then on, we became friends.

I watched him change. I witnessed how he tried to rebuild his life and how his condition improved.

That's why imagine how upsetting it is for me to see Ray in this condition again.

I noticed that my shoulder got heavier. Ray fell asleep. I laid him down into his bed and tucked him in.

I immediately called Mew. Mew's close to Ray so I am quite sure that he knows what's going on.

"Mew," I started after Mew answered his phone.

"Ton? You're back?"

"Mhm. What happened to Ray?"

Silence. I was right. Mew knew something. "What is it, Mew?"

"Last week, Top and I found him..." Mew recounted what happened last week specifically, the night when they found Ray crying in a parking lot.

"I told you, guys, to watch him! I told you to not let him go to a bar alone!" I massaged my temple. I shouldn't blame Mew.

"I'm sorry... It's just that he was fine before that. He even met with his high school friends..."

"I'm sorry, Mew. It's no one's fault. I am just worried about Ray."

"I understand. We are all worried for him."

"So he met with his highschool friends? Did something happen between them that might trigger Ray?" I changed the topic. I inquired more, hoping that I would be able to find out what exactly made Ray like this.

"Not that I know of. He was actually happy after his meeting with his friends. He even said that he's happy for them."

"Ton?" He looked at Ray's direction. He is now awake but I believe that he is still in a befuddled state.

"Thanks, Mew. Ray's awake. I'll talk to you later."

I didn't wait for Mew's response. I dropped the call and moved quickly towards Ray.

---

RAY'S POV

I smiled a bit when I saw Ton. A friend of mine who I relied on so much.

He's not exactly a good guy, but, he's nice enough to always help someone like me.

"You're back."

He sat beside me.

"I am. And I am not exactly happy with this kind of welcome, Ray." He gave me a serious look. "What happened exactly, Ray?"

I remained silent.

"Ray--"

"Ton, I don't really want to talk about it." I answered firmly. I looked at him straight into his eyes. "Please, Ton, let's not talk about it." I begged.

He sighed. "Then just tell me this. Is this related to why you want to kill yourself back then?"

I nodded slowly.

I noticed a pained expression on Ton's face.  So, I held his hand. "Don't worry, Ton, I won't try to kill myself again."

"And you see, I didn't drown myself in alcohol. Well, my father got rid of every alcohol in this house. He wouldn't even let me buy one." I laughed.

"Ray..."

"I'm really fine, Ton. It's just that I need some time to collect my thoughts." I smiled at him sincerely. "Give me another day, then I'll attend school again." I promised.

Chapter Text

RAY'S POV

"Ray!" Mew wore his worried look as soon as he saw me enter the classroom. 

"We were trying to reach you, but you wouldn't answer your phone nor reply to our messages!" He huffed. 

He sounded so angry but he still welcomed me with a tight hug. 

"Sorry, Mew." I pat his back. "Won't happen again... I hope?"

"Ray!" Mew warned. I stuck my tongue at him then left a hearty laugh. 

"Well, well, Princess Ray's back."

I looked around and saw Top walking towards us. 

"Come on, I know you miss me." I teased. I jokingly winked in his direction. 

"Disgusting." He made a face as if he wanted to barf. 

Mew laughed loudly while I flashed Top my middle finger. Top did the same. 

We were about to sit when we saw Nick entering the classroom while talking to someone.

Why the fuck is he here?

I was dumbfounded when I saw him. Now that I can see him clearly, not in the bar where it was dark and loud, I noticed how he looked very different from the Akk that I know of. 

He now has a longer hair, he's still lean but his muscles are more defined, he's generally buffer than before. He's wearing ripped jeans, sneakers, and a sleeveless top that shows his arm tattoo.

Three birds.

A tattoo. The Akk before would probably detest something like that as he loved his clean and proper look so much. 

However, he may look different but he still has the same effect on me.

He can still make my heart skip a beat. 

I didn't notice that they were already in front of me. Both Nick... and Akk. 

I was removed from being in trance by the new look of Akk when a painful memory flashed my mind. 

Akk kissing another guy. 

I winced by the thought. I feel like I want to vomit. 

---

YOK'S POV

I can't help feeling nervous while I was in front of Ray. I am actually expecting another punch and him lashing out. But he remained seated. I even noticed him staring at me earlier. It was like he was observing every part of me, and it made my knees feel jelly. 

But when I stopped in front of him. When I finally met his eyes, I felt a shiver run down my spine. 

His eyes were cold, and almost lifeless. 

He is indeed inspecting me. But, that's it. A person observing a stranger. 

Stranger. 

"You're finally here, Ray!" Nick reacted. He went to Ray, hugged him and threw a soft punch in Ray's abdomen. 

"Do you even know how worried I was?" Nick blurted out. 

Since the night that we met, Ray was nowhere to be found for a week. I was worried. I tried to visit his department and classes almost everyday. I even followed his friends but it turned out, from their conversations, that they also couldn't reach Ray. 

And of course, I couldn't just ask them about Ray's whereabouts.

That's why I went to Nick. I befriended him, so that I can fish information on where Ray is. 

But it seems that I didn't have to do it. Now that Ray is in front of me. 

"Did you drown yourself in alcohol again?" Nick was mad. 

Alcohol? 

"I did not. There's not even a trace of alcohol left in our house." Ray answered as if it was nothing. "Dad got rid of them."

I was confused. Why is Nick mad about Ray drinking alcohol? 

"Eh? Isn't this the guy who was claiming that he's your friend, Ray?" 

One of Ray's friends mentioned. The one with an angelic face who's wearing eyeglasses.

Among Ray's friends, he is the most approachable looking, that's why he was the one I asked to hand the milk and the note to Ray.

"Right." Nick finally landed his attention on Yok. "He told me that you, guys, were classmates in high school." Then he looked at Ray.

---
RAY'S POV

Ray couldn't help but smile bitterly. So that's how he described our history. A classmate.

"Really? I don't remember." I answered as I glanced at Akk. He looks nervous and even hurt?

Hurt about what?

"You're Yok, right?" 

I shifted my attention to Mew. Yok? 

"Yes." Akk answered quietly. 

Ah. So that Yok and Akk... Ah. That's why Akk was there where this Yok asked me to meet.

Because he is Yok.

Those notes and milk. That's why he knew about my past obsession with that milk. 

Yok, huh. Is that his fucking new name?

"Well, maybe you just don't remember him, Ray." 

I was about to say something when our professor entered the classroom. Nick and Akk-- Yok -- sat in front of us. So I am facing  Yok's back.

"Is he really your high school classmate?" Mew whispered. 

"Not sure. Can't remember." I answered lazily. 

So this is how your story goes huh. Us, being classmates. Only classmates. 

Fucker. 

I felt the urge to hurt him. To lash out, throw everything I can reach, and yell at him. Curse him. 

I feel the hatred that was surrounding my heart. Why the fuck is he doing this to me? 

The class goes on. After that, we went to the cafeteria, including Yok. It seems that he became good friends with Nick.

That's why it's hard to tell him to fuck off. Nick's important to me, he's happy with his new found friend and I don't want to ruin it. 
Moreover, I also don't want to be questioned. Because if I act out right now, if I punch that pretty face of Akk or Yok, whatever his name is, my friends would probably bombard me with questions.

And I'm still not ready to answer them. To reminisce the past and retell the story on how my life was now fucked up because of the man that was in front of me. 

"Like what I told you, guys, I'm developing a game. Yok here will help me find an artist who could assist me with the graphics." Nick explained. 

"Are you an art student, Yok?" Mew queried. 

Yok smiled and nodded.

Art? When did he start doing arts?

"Know what, I saw his artworks. It's impressive." Nick proudly announced. 

"Come on, it'll inflate my head." Yok joked and that was replied to by Nick's hearty laugh. 

It seems that they really clicked. 

That fact somehow makes me uncomfortable.

Maybe because he doesn't like Yok being around.

After all, he despised him.

Every time he sees him, it only makes him remember all the pain that he went through because of him.

Ray opened his laptop and busied himself.

"You won't eat?" Mew asked. "Do you want me to order for you? What do you want to eat?"

"Let him be. He's an adult." Top commented. 

"Stop that, Mew. This little boyfriend of yours is getting jealous." 

Top glared at me. I rolled my eyes. 

"No, seriously, aren't you going to eat?"

"Nope. I'm full." 

Mew decided to let me be. He stood up and went to the counter to buy some food.

"So, you said that you guys went to the same high school?" I heard Nick's question. I didn't look up, although I can feel Yok's eyes on me.

I don't want to give him any reaction.nor show him any emotion. Just indifference. I want him to realize that I already moved on. That even I can move on just like him. Just like what he did. 

"Yup, we're in the same class. Ray and I."

"So how's Ray in high school?" Nick asked. 

"Stop talking shit." I almost hit myself after I said that out loud. I couldn't help it. I want them to stop talking about the past that I hate remembering.

"Sorry. My high school life isn't a memory that I am fond of. You know, about my uncle who... died." And about Akk.

"Right, sorry, Ray." Nick's face was now full of guilt. I kind of hate myself for that.

"It's fine." I just said. I glanced at Yok's direction and saw him intensely staring at me.

It's like he was looking for something. Something that I don't know of. 

I avert my gaze from him as I start to pack my things. 

"Where are you going?" Mew just got back holding bread and milk.

That fucking milk again.

"Here, I brought this for you." Mew handed me the milk.

"Thanks but no. Give it to Yok, he might like it so damn much." I said before I marched outside the cafeteria. 

I was supposed to have another class this afternoon, but I decided to message Ton and asked him to pick me up. 

Ton was the one who dropped me here earlier that's why I don't have my car with me. 

I was walking towards the parking lot when I felt a firm hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"Ray, can we please talk?"

"I don't have anything to talk to you." I shook his hand from my shoulder. "Don't fucking touch me." I scoffed.

"I'm sorry. But, Ray, I really need to talk to you." He cried.

"About what, Akk? Oh, right, you're not Akk. You go now by the name Yok." I mocked. "Honestly, it was really terrible to see your face again. I told you, didn't I? To not show your face in front of me." 

Pain crossed his face. That didn't stop me.

"Why don't you get it, Akk? I don't want to talk to you. I don't even want to see you!" I yelled as I harshly pushed him away from me. "You're already dead in my life, Akk."

Every word was meant to bruise and inflict pain. I want him to know how hurt I am. And I also want him to be hurt. 

Akk didn't move. He remained silent. 

I took it as a cue to leave him there. 

The next day came by. I was expecting this. Being in the table with my friends and Akk or Yok. Whatever.

Big news: Nick and him are now besties. 

Of course, I am not happy about that

I'm not jealous, of course. I just don't want Yok to be around. 

I'm sitting beside Mew, while next to him is Top. Nick and Yok were sitting across from us, they're busy with whatever they're discussing.

I am too uncomfortable with seeing Yok. His presence urges me to drink alcohol again until I forget the memories and the feelings that he's starting to wake up. 

Even if it's temporary. I badly need to forget.

Because remembering everything that I was trying to leave behind suffocates me. Makes me want to end my pain.

Makes me want to die. 

"Migraine?" Top asked with a bit of concern in his voice. A bit.

Mew left us for a second to buy something. We're currently in the cafeteria, to take lunch and to wait for our next class. 

He maybe noticed me squirming in my seat.

"Concerned?" I mocked. 

"Not really. Just don't want to carry you in the clinic if you ever lose consciousness. You're damn heavy." He retorted.

I just smirked at him. "I'm not that heavy, you're just a weakling." And it was the most obvious lie. I mean, just look how buff this guy is. He's clearly a regular in gyms. 

But, of course, I won't admit that.

"Top, let's order food already." Mew came back then left again with Top. They'll buy their food. 

I don't want to be left here, being a complete outcast as Nick and Yok were so engrossed with whatever their conversation is. 

It would be totally awkward. 

So I hurriedly followed Mew and Top. I heard Nick's voice calling my name, but I didn't stop. 

When we get back, Nick and Yok already have their food as well.

"I was telling you to wait for us." Nick complained. He was talking about when he was calling my name earlier. 

"Didn't hear."

I started eating. Mew and Top were too busy flirting with each other. 

Even Nick and Yok.

I don't know what funny is, but they're really laughing their hearts out.

Are they hooking up? Not that I care.

Whatever Akk and I have before already ended when he left me three years ago. And when I saw him already happy with his boyfriend.

Right, he has a boyfriend. 

So what? He'll make Nick fall for him then abandon him next?

Just like what he did to me?

Hah. 

I couldn't suppress the bitter smile that was trying to escape my lips. 

I know that Akk was a bastard. I know it yet I still fell for him. 

He tried to kill people, for goodness' sake. 

But I still chose to love and protect him.

To trust that he would change.

Good-fucking-job, self.

You got tricked. You were made to believed that he loves you, then after you fucking fell for him, he dumped you.

He made your life miserable. He made your three years a living hell.

You can't just blame him, can you? It's your fault as well. You fell for his tricks.

You were deceived!

"Did that beef offend you?" I heard Mew asked.

I realized that the four of them were looking at me. 

"Huh?"

"Look." I followed where he's looking at. My plate where I sliced the beef that I was eating in tiny pieces. Very tiny pieces. I was slicing it repeatedly. 

"Why are you murdering your food?" Nick joked. 

In my peripheral vision, I can see Yok looking at me with his worried face.

I avoided looking in his direction.

I smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, my mind flew off." I let go of my spoon and fork. 

"You're being weird." Top commented.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Mew's worried. He's even inspecting me to maybe see if I have any problems.

I do. And he's eating with us right now. I thought.

"Yes, Mom." I answered lazily. Mew rolled his eyes. 

"Ton's back but still not showing me his face. What's he up to?" Mew inquired.

"Boston?" Nick repeated. He wasn't familiar with the name.

"Uh-uh. Ray's guardian." Mew then laugh at what he said. 

"Your brother?" Nick glanced at me, confused. "I thought you were an only child?"

"I am. Mew's just exaggerating. Ton's my friend."

"And guardian." Mew just wouldn't stop. "He's Ray's caretaker, and the only person that Ray listens to."

"Whoa, Ray's actually listening to someone?" Nick's eyes widened. As if he cannot believe what he heard.

"I'm not that stubborn!" I protested. 

"You are!" Everyone at our table answered at once. Including Yok.

"So, you're stubborn even in your high school days!" Nick chuckled. 

"He was." I saw Yok smile, as if he was remembering something nice.

That sight of him made my heart skip a bit.

I averted my gaze away from him. I acted as if I did not hear him. 

Stupid heart.

"But, really, Ray, you only listen to this friend of yours?" Nick got back to the topic.

"Yup. He only stops drinking whenever Boston's around." Mew's the one who answered.

"'Cause he's a terrible nagger. The worst." I said. It is somehow true that I kind of listen to Ton. After all, he's the one who saved my life. 

"Now, now. I'm curious about meeting this Ton guy. I'll ask him some advice on how to tame Ray."

"Hey!" 

I received more laughs from Mew and Nick. 

Everyone stopped when Yok started to put some sausages on my plate. 

I froze. 

"Here's your favorite. You always annoy me before about giving you my share --" 

IYok also realized what he was doing. He stopped. Awkwardness started to bloom between us four. 

Nick's the first one to break the silence. "Ehem. You're the sweet type huh, Yok." He joked.

Yok's cheeks started to red. Even his ears. 

I felt that my heart was fluttering, but if it continues, it will break again sooner or later. 

Because that's what Yok's good at. 

Breaking other people. 

To stop whatever I am starting to feel. I stared at Yok, coldly. 

I saw him flinched. 

Then I stood up, brought my plate to the nearest trash bin and threw it there. 

I made sure that Yok saw what I did. I was even locking eyes with him before I stormed out.

Chapter Text

YOK'S POV

Of course, what did I expect? That he would be happy for what I did? That everything would go back to the good-old-days just because I gave him some of my food?

Fool.

I was stupid and careless. 

Ray even let me around and yet I still did this shit. 

Fucking stupid! Stupid!

"What the heck was that?!" Nick was about to follow Ray. I held his arm and stopped him.

"It's my fault..."

"Be honest, Yok, what's really going on between you and Ray?" Mew asked directly. His expression tells me that he was searching for answers.

If I keep my mouth shut, it'll probably ruin my current relationship with them.

"It's difficult for me to go into details. But, we are really friends in high school..." Friends. "And I ended up hurting him."

"What did--"

"Nick," Mew stopped Nick for asking further. Fortunately, Nick understood it and nodded. 

"Well, as long as you won't hurt him again, we won't stop you to whatever you are planning to do. After all, Ray's the one who should decide about you." 

"However, if Ray told us that we should stop you from approaching. I'll gladly take you on." Top warned me. This is the first time that Top talked to me.

I smiled at them, sincerely. "I won't hurt him."

It's not a promise, but a declaration.

I am happy that Ray has friends like them. Besides Khan, Wat, and Thua, there are others who love and care for him. 

I am truly happy and thankful for that.

Ray, you're surrounded by good people.

---
I was so glad that I saw Ray's face for the next day. Although he was still outright ignoring me, this is better than him being nowhere to be found.

"Oh, right, Yok, do you sell your artworks?" Nick asked.

"Yup. They are my main source of income, actually." I answered as I bit the burger that I was eating. 

The only time that I can meet this group is during lunch. Nick and I were in the same general education subject. That's why I found a chance to be close to him. Furthermore, I also helped him in finding a digital artist that would help in his project. 

"Ray, what about we buy some of his paintings? We can put it in the hostel." Nick suggested.

Ray looked up from his food. He glanced at me before facing Nick.

"That's a good idea. It would add aesthetics to our hostel." Mew exclaimed.

"We should see his artworks first, I guess." Ray dismissed. He continued eating.

Nick winked at me while Mew gave me a thumbs up. Ah, they're helping me.

---

RAY'S POV

I don't know what Yok told them, but no one asked me about my behavior the other day. Furthermore, I kind of feel that they are somewhat trying to include me every time they talk to Yok and would talk about him.

Just like today. About Yok's art.

Honestly, I don't see any reason to reject this suggestion of Nick's. After all, Yok wouldn't be in this university if his skills weren't great.

I have known Akk for years. But, right now, him being Yok is entirely new to me. 

I didn't even know that he do arts.

That's why I am also curious to see his crafts.

Curiosity, that is. 

"When can you show us your portfolio?" Top inquired. Very businessman.

"I didn't bring my portfolio today. So, tomorrow, I guess." 

"Eh? But, I am really excited to see it." Nick sounded so disappointed. He is indeed a bit childlike. And that's exactly what we love about him.

"Don't be a brat, Nick." I jokingly warned him. He only rolled his eyes.

"If you'd like, we can meet somewhere later. I'll bring my portfolio." Yok smiled at Nick. As if he was consolidating a kid. 

"We can't. We need to oversee the renovations of our hostel." I cut in. 

I'm not ruining the mood. It's the truth.

"Ray's right. That's included in our schedule today." Thankfully, Top supported me. 

"Ugh. Fine." 

After classes, I went to the parking lot to wait for Boston. 

He wasn't answering his phone, and I am starting to get annoyed. 

Whenever Boston's like this, it's either he's really busy with important stuff or he's busy ramming other's ass or being rammed. 

I hope it's really the former. Cause I really feel bad today as my migraine was acting up again.

For the past few days, Ton's always insisted on driving me at school. It's not really a problem, so I let him be.

Knowing him, he won't stop until he gets what he wants. 

I was supposed to go to the hostels with my friends. But, due to this stupid migraine, and I don't want to worry about them for the  next few hours, because they are really paranoid when it comes to my condition, I canceled our plans. I just told them that there's an emergency that I need to tend to.

That's why I can't really call them to pick me up right now. So, my only hope is Ton and he's not answering his phone.

"Ray?" 

Without even needing to look at the direction of the voice, I already knew who it was.

"Ray, are you feeling okay? You look pale!" Worry and panic were laced in his voice as he went to me. He held me by my shoulders and arms, trying to support me.

"Home. I need to go home." I massaged my temples. The pain is deafening. I couldn't even understand what Yok was saying.

"Hospital, I'll bring you to the hospital!" 

If I am in my best condition, I'd probably laugh at him. He's panicking, worse than my friends. 

"Shut up, bigfoot. Just need my medicine." He stopped for a second or two. Before he guided me back to the campus, probably bringing me to the clinic. 

I don't really have the energy to argue. So I let him drag me wherever.

Shit. My head's killing me. I'm getting dizzy.

Yok helped me to lay down in bed. I also heard him talking to someone. The doctor maybe? 

My head really can't think of anything right now. My only focus is on the pain that is like splitting my skull into two. 

I really hate this. 

After drinking some medicines, the doctor encouraged me to take a nap. Although I wanted to say that I'm already good, as I prefer to rest in my house, I decided to just listen and try to take a nap. 

I wasn't aware when I fell asleep. When I woke up, I saw Yok sitting beside me, watching my every movement, and staring at me with his doe eyes that are somehow painted with sadness... and longing? 

You're only deluding yourself, Ray.

I avoided his gaze as I started to get up. He immediately helped me.

"How's your head?" Yok asked gently.

"Good." I answered simply. I stood up from the bed and arranged my clothes. "Thank you for helping." I said. I may hate him but I do know what gratitude is.

"Can you really drive with your current state?" He's following behind. Thank God, he is keeping his distance. 

"I did not bring my car today. I'll call for a taxi."

"Wait, I'll call one for you." I felt his hand on my wrist. I do want to haul my wrist from him. I decided not to. 

"Ray?" I turned around to see Boston. He looks as if he ran all the way here.

"I'm sorry, I just saw your message and I--" He stared at my wrist that Yok was holding. "I was busy so..."

I stared at Boston. His hair and clothes were disheveled. I even noticed some hickeys on his neck. 

The correct answer: ramming or being rammed.

"My service's here. Thanks again, Yok." 

I was quite confused when I saw Yok's face. I don't understand why but he seems to be mad while looking at Boston. It's as if the atmosphere around him suddenly becomes cold and dark.

"Yok?" I tried to catch his attention. He instantly changed his demeanor. As if earlier was all my imagination. 

"Right, be careful, Ray." That's all he said before he walked away.

What the heck just happened?

"Who was that?" Ton's now beside me.

I am still annoyed at him so I ignored him and entered his car. 

The whole ride was all about Boston apologizing and me snubbing him.

I also made a mental note that from today onwards, I would drive myself. 

"Hey, Ray, I said I'm sorry." 

I brushed him off and cleared myself out from his car. I hurriedly went inside our house so Boston will not be able to follow.

I also told our guards to not let him in unless I say so. 

Chapter Text

RAY'S POV

I was still a bit mad at Ton. I really hate when people make promises only for them to break it. Come on, I'd already experienced it with Akk, I don't want other people doing the same thing to me. 

Although Ton and I have already talked, and I even forgave him, I made him quit driving me to school. It's quite a hassle when I need to go somewhere and I don't have my car with me. 

That's exactly the reason why I was driving myself to the university today when I saw Yok. He looked upset while fixing his big bike.

I was about to ignore him. Nothing good would come if I helped him. I'm not nice, come on.

But, I remember how he helped me yesterday. When he brought me to the clinic and stayed by my side the whole time I was asleep.

Just like what I've said, I do know what gratitude is. 

So, I parked my car in front of him. I lowered the windows.

"I can't help you in fixing that, but I can give you a ride." I tried to sound casual. 

Surprised was evident in his face. It didn't take a minute before he recognized me, and a wide smile formed his lips. 

What's he happy about?

"Ray, good morning!" He greeted me happily. As if he was not upset before I approached him. "Oh, I'm kind of having problems with my ride right now. I really appreciate your help."

"Yeah, whatever." Alright, I didn't want to be mean. However, I don't see myself acting nice in front of him either.

I still hate him. That fact would be too difficult to revoke. 

"Uhm, can you wait? I'll just call my friend to pick this big boy." He was referring to his big bike. What a weird man. 

Akk was different from him. 

Right, there's no more Akk. 

Only Yok.

That idea kind of hurts me a little. 

"Hey, can you come here? Yes, some problems with my motorcycle, you need to bring it to the garage. Come on, man, I have classes." Yok sounded so grumpy. 

I'm not really sure who he was talking to, but while listening to him, I'm starting to realize how much he changed. Not just his appearance and style, but even his behavior. 

Akk was serious and a perfectionist. He was quiet, unless he was with friends, and he always kept things to himself. He didn't let his feelings be obvious nor was he willing to share them with others. He feared being judged and being hated by the people around him. After all, he was a prefect.

But, Yok, as far as I observed him, he was... free. He laughed out loud, he's talkative and very vocal with whatever he was feeling. 

I'm not really sure what to feel about this change. I do like the Akk before, I even loved him, but I also hate how he was shackling his true self.

Maybe, I should be happy that he is now somewhat free?

But, where's the person that I fell in love with? 

"Ray, it might take about 20 minutes before my friend can come here. I'm really fine though, you can just leave me here."

"I don't go back on my words." I glanced at my watch. "There's still an hour before my first class." 

Lie. If I stayed with Yok, I wouldn't be able to attend my first class. 

Nonetheless, like what I'd said, I don't go back on my words. 

I caught Yok smiling from ear to ear. His eyes were even sparkling.

Annoyed and confused, I asked him, "What?"

He leaned into the window of my car. 

"Nothing." He denied as he tried to suppress his smile.

"Bastard." I rolled my eyes. He laughed.

"You're still cute as ever." 

A what?! Cute?

"What the fuck are you saying?" My eyes widened from what I heard. Cute? Me? 

Fucking heart, don't be happy! 

"Eh, isn't that the truth? You're still cute just like before." He continued to tease. No, is he even teasing? He's smiling, but his eyes look so serious. As if he was only stating a fact. 

I looked away. I even tried to change the topic. "Your portfolio, did you bring it? You told Top that you would show it today. Don't disappoint Nick." 

"Of course, of course. Do you want to see it?"

Yes.

"Not really. I'm not interested in arts."

Yok's lips formed a line. He looked kind of disappointed by what I said. 

My stupid brain was even telling me that he looked like a puppy that just lost its favorite toy.

Seriously, is he sulking? The heck?

"My friends would appreciate it more so I'll just look at your artworks with them." This is me doing my best to cheer him up.

Wait, why would I even cheer him up?

I hate him, didn't I? I should just let him sulk for all I care.

Now, I'm hating myself for being nice to him. Really?

Ah, shit! Akk's really a menace in my life. 

I scowled at him. He was nowhere sulking. He was wearing his smile again.

"Ray," He called.

"What?" 

"How are you feeling today? Do you know how scared I was when I saw how pale you are yesterday." His voice was laced with concern. He stopped smiling. Worry is now painted on his face.

I adjusted to my seat. I still avoided eye contact even though I know his eyes are on me.

"Nothing big. Just a simple migraine."

"Come on, Ray. You looked so terrible yesterday! I was really determined to bring you to the hospital." His voice shook. I finally looked in his direction.

"Don't act like you care." I murmured. He heard it.

"I care, Ray!" He looked so frustrated.

"You do not. Don't make that shit a big deal." I exclaimed. I couldn't even control my voice. I was almost yelling.

He was about to say something more when a tall man with blond hair came to us. 

"Yok?" 

Yok tossed his keys to the man.

"Gram, handle that for me." 

That's all he said before he entered my car. 

And of course, it was awkward. 

Silence was surrounding us.

And I don't plan on breaking it. But, Yok did otherwise.

"I'm sorry for raising my voice earlier. But, Ray, I do care for you. Please, believe me." The last sentence almost came out as a plea. 

I just shrugged my shoulders. I kept silent. 

"Ray, do you hate me?" He suddenly asked.

"Don't ask questions with obvious answers." I said, coldly.

He heaved a sigh. "Right."

I thought that he would stop asking after that. He didn't.

"I don't know if I'll have another chance to talk to you again like this. So, I wanted to go all out." He laughed softly. It wasn't fake, but it sounded so sad.

"Is there even a possibility for us to rebuild what we have before?"

"What do we even have before, Yok?" I glanced at him.

He peeked outside the window. He's the one now who's avoiding my gaze.

Silence bloomed again. No one dared to break it until we reached the university. 

"I was the happiest when I was with you." He smiled sincerely before he went outside. "I still am."

And I felt my heart pounding.

"Thank you for driving me, Ray." Those are his last words before he walked away.

Chapter Text

RAY'S POV

For the second time, I saw Yok once again. Unlike yesterday, he doesn't look upset nor is he with his big bike. He was running. His face screams exhaustion and fear.

I saw behind him a group of men following him. They all look intimidating, and the word "nice" would never be used in describing these people.

I felt a chill run down my spine when I saw one of the men holding a pocket knife.

"Ah, shit..."

I didn't think twice. When I saw Yok was running towards my direction, I hurriedly lowered the window of my car, and on top of my lungs, I yelled his name.

The moment that I caught his attention, and he was running exactly onto my car, I opened the car door. I also readied myself to step on the accelerator as soon as Yok was beside me.

I stopped breathing for a second when I saw how close these men were to Yok. They could almost catch him.

"Fuck, hurry." I hissed.

But, Yok was faster. He managed to outrun them and get into my car.

Even though the car door was still not fully closed, I drove off.

I made sure to look at the side mirror, hoping that no one was following us behind.

The whole ride was silent. Only Yok's heavy breathing can be heard, and my heart. I don't know if Yok could hear it too, but my heart was pounding so hard that I could almost hear it. It was deafening.

I glanced at Yok. He looked flush from all the running, and his breathing was starting to steady.

I don't know what I should ask first. Who are those men? Why are they following him? What happened to Yok for the past years that he was now in this kind of situation?

No, I couldn't ask.

I don't have the courage to ask him about his life where I was not included.

When we reached the university - the safest place that I could think of at the moment - Yok started to laugh.

I looked at him with disbelief. He almost died, for God's sake!

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" I scoffed. I couldn't stop myself from punching his arm. He winced with what I did.

"You almost get killed, Akk!"

I didn't realize that tears had begun to wash my face. I angrily wiped them away.  Why the fuck I was crying? Why would I fucking cry?!

When Yok realized how serious the situation was, and how scared I was from what happened, he held my hand. There was no more trace of him laughing, all I could see was how sorry he was.

"Don't cry. I didn't mean to show you that. I'm sorry." He then cupped my face. I almost wanted to pull my face away, but he held it firmly, yet gently. As if he was scared to break me.

He wiped away my tears using his thumb. "Ray, calm down, hm? Everything's fine. Thank you for helping me." He was speaking so softly and his voice was soothing. It helped me to calm down.

"What the hell was that?" I asked.

Yok gently stroked my head. He was looking at me adoringly, just like when he was still Akk. When he still loves me.

I erased that thought. I removed his hands from me. I sat properly and arranged the collar of the polo that I was wearing.

"Sorry for getting emotional." I blurted out.

"Ray..." He hummed. When he realized that I won't fall again for his sweet tricks, he sighed.

"If you'll ask me about what was happening, or if who those men are. I can't really give you a detailed answer."

I didn't talk. I kind of want to know if he would still somehow explain himself even though from his words, it wouldn't be "detailed".

Maybe he realized that I was waiting for answers. After all, I don't know what would be the effect of what I did.

I was actually praying that those men didn't read my plate number. If they did, and for prevention as well, I'll probably use my other cars from now on.

"I often experienced that kind of situation." I froze to what he said. Often?!

"I can't really... it's hard to explain everything." He looked so frustrated. I'm not sure if it is for himself or for me because I was demanding answers.

When I saw how difficult it was for him to explain himself, just like Akk before, I felt sad. There's suddenly a pang in my chest. Again, I wasn't being trusted. Am I that unreliable?

"Enough. You don't need to explain. Get out."

Yok didn't move. He tried to touch me. "Ray, that's not... I just can't explain everything as there are other people involved in this."

"What do I expect though? You never explain everything. You always keep me in the dark." I found my voice so small. And I felt my tears escaping from my eyes again.

"Ray, please." He begged. He held my hand and brought it to his lips. "I promise, when the right time comes, I'll explain everything to you."

Promises. You're always breaking your promises, Akk. That promises of yours made me hope for nothing, thus, ruining my life.

But, I didn't say that. I chose to remain silent.

"Ray, please, talk to me."

He didn't get any reaction.

He sighed. "Alright, later, I will try to give you an explanation... Let's go to our classes first, hm?"

He gently wiped my cheeks. He was removing the marks that were left from tears.

"Don't cry, huh. It's really difficult for me to see you cry."

"I don't always cry." I protested. I couldn't stop myself from pouting.

Yok chuckled. "I know that. How about I buy you something to cheer you up?" He asked sweetly. However, it made me pout more.

"I'm not a kid!" Then a smile left my lips.

"See, you're prettier when you smile!" He gently pinched my cheek.

"Let's talk later, okay?"

My heart skipped a few beats the moment that I felt his soft and warm lips on my forehead.

He kissed me! And Yok was acting like it was the most natural thing in the world.

I am no virgin.

I do know kisses, I even had sex.

But with Akk or Yok, he can always make me feel butterflies in my stomach. It might sound cringy, but, really, that's the best way to describe what I always felt whenever I was with him.

"See you, Ray." He was smiling while giving me a small wave.

All I could do was to nod.

---

It was lunch. Yok was with us again. You can tell that he's already a part of our group. And he's not only close to Nick, but even to Mew now.

Well, I don't really care. I'm not the type of person to make my friends hate the person that I hate. After all, my friends actually don't know what happened between Yok and I. I also don't see any reason to share it with them.

And it was something I was trying to forget.

Remembering what happened this morning, I realized that that's what I really wanted, an explanation. An answer to all my whys. Maybe, with a proper conversation with Yok, I would have the closure that I was waiting for for three years.

I might even be able to properly rebuild my life by moving on.

I do love Akk. But, what he did to me destroyed me. And with all the questions that were still lingering in my mind, it would be really hard for me to move forward with my life.

I'm still stuck in the past.

But, Akk was living a new life.

I was the only one left behind.

So, maybe, with a proper conversation with Akk (or Yok), I would be able to live in my present.

"You okay?" I heard Yok asking. Only then I noticed that my friends' attentions were on me.

"Hm?" I unconsciously arranged my clothes.

"You had stopped eating. Is something bothering you?" Mew asked using his concerned tone.

I felt my body tense when Yok naturally held my hand over the table. He looked at me with his face painted with worry.

"Is your migraine acting up again?" He asked.

Mew and Nick exchanged meaningful looks. Top smirked and shook his head a little.

What?

My mind was screaming to pull back from his touch. To run. Or to hurt him. To lash out.

I calmed myself. Avoiding Yok nor hurting him would benefit neither of us.

That's why I need to face this through.

I need to talk to him, clear things up, and move forward with my life.

Therefore, I gave him a small smile, which made him look so surprised, before I gently pulled my hand away.

"Thank you for asking, but, I am fine." I answered. I started eating again.

In the corner of my eyes, I could see Mew and Nick signing with each other while throwing glances in mine and Yok's direction.

"Is that so? That's great." Yok replied with a satisfied smile on his lips.

"Oh, right, your portfolio! You weren't able to show it to us the other day."

Uh-uh. One of Yok's classes overtimed so he wasn't able to show us his portfolio yesterday.

"I brought it again today." I could sense the pride in Yok's voice.

He indeed is in love with art. I thought.

He handed us a few sketchbooks, and folders.

Nick excitedly opened it, same with Mew. While Top was looking so serious, as if he was reading a business contract.

I scooched beside Mew to also see Yok's artworks.

"Oh, wow." Nick reacted.

Most of Yok's art pieces were nudes, both male and female. It looks like he preferred drawing portraits.

"Do you also paint?" Top queried.

"I do. But, I am much comfortable with charcoal."

Mew continued turning the pages until I stopped him.

A sketch of a dog happily playing on the puddle.

"Singto..." I whispered. I couldn't help but smile at what I saw.

It was a sketch of the dog that Akk and I were fond of. We were really attached to this dog that we even begged the school to let us adopt him.

Yok was curious to what I was looking at. He stood up and went behind me. He beamed at the sight.

"Oh, Singto. I missed that dog so much. How was he?" Yok asked excitedly. He was really happy to talk about Singto.

The dog that we adopted when we were still in highschool, and when we were still together.

"Singto? He was now living with Kan and Thua."

"Eh?"

I smiled. "Some things happened."

It was because of you.

I remembered how worse my state was after Akk left me. I couldn't even properly take care of myself nor I was able to take care of our beloved Singto.

I became an unworthy and unreliable owner that I decided to let Thua and Kan take care of him. Thankfully, Kan and Thua loved him like their own child. Singto's life became more amazing because of them.

"I sometimes visit him. He was a healthy and still a naughty pup." I joked.

"Why don't you adopt another pet, Ray?" Top suggested. "It might make you responsible." And yup, he dropped his so-insulting remarks.

"No, Ray, you wouldn't be able to rebutt that. You're not the responsible type." Nick backed Top up.

Mew laughed and I saw Yok's smirk.

I glared at them. "We're the same kind, fucker." I huffed. Top made a face that makes me madder.

When Mew saw that I was pissed, he intervened. "Ah, ah. Let's stop here, let's stop. Top, stop teasing Ray. You too, Nick." Mew made sure that those two were listening.

"You're the baby here, huh." Yok whispered with a playful grin. "I kind of missed babying you."

He dropped the bomb and acted like he did nothing. I felt my face getting hot. It felt like I'll be having a fever later on.

I tried to "cough out" what I was feeling. I glared at Yok. What he returned was a wink.

Chapter Text

Ray’s POV

Our class just ended. My friends decided to go to Top’s house to play around. I excused myself, telling them that I need to meet up with Boston. Of course, it’s a lie. Me and Boston are on good terms again already, but I don’t have any plans with him today. I am actually waiting for someone.

Someone who promised me that he would try to give me an explanation about what happened earlier. No, maybe even the closure that I think I deserved, that I waited for three years.

I went to the cafeteria to grab some food. I decided to stay here for a while. I am actually contemplating right now whether or not I would message Yok. I asked his contact from Nick, who was giving me some weird looks after I demanded Yok’s number with an excuse that I need to talk to him about his artworks that I’m planning to buy for the hostel.

Nick didn’t interrogate me though, he just kept giving me weird looks and smiles as if he was teasing.

Anyway, I still can’t decide whether to message Yok first or not. What would I ask him or tell him? To meet me? To give me the explanation that he was talking about earlier?

I sighed as I put my phone in my pocket and left the cafeteria. If Yok really wanted to give me an explanation, he would contact me first. Not the other way around. I already waited for three years, I think it’s time that he finally do it willingly. Without me demanding it.

I am looking around while walking, hoping to bump into him, I guess. No luck. I went to the parking lot for my car. Tsk. I should’ve just went with the guys to Top’s house. I’m sure they’re crazily partying right now.

I was about to go inside my car when I noticed Yok. He’s talking with some guy who’s smaller than him and has a pretty face.

Who’s that?

Wait, why do I even care?

I rolled my eyes and went inside my car. I drove off thinking whether to go straight home or stop at Top’s house.

---

Yok’s POV

“Is it true, Yok? The boy that I told you to investigate is your ex-classmate? Not even a classmate, but an ex-boyfriend?” Black asked, his face shows that he is definitely not pleased with that information.

“It’s already in the past.” I insisted.

“So what? You don’t plan telling us this so called past of yours? He might be connected to Tawi!” Black hissed.

I sighed. “Please, when I was still with him I never heard the name Tawi from him or from his father.”

Black glared at me and pushed onto me the folder that he was holding. “I couldn’t even trust you now, bastard. Do you really have the same purpose as us or are you protecting this ex of yours?"

“No, are you really even on our side?”

I couldn’t stop myself and pushed Black. I grabbed his collar. “After we’ve all been through you’re now doubting my purpose?!”

Black pushed me away. “That moment when you kept something important from us, you gave us a reason to doubt you.” That's all he said before marching away angrily.

I looked at the folder that Black gave me. I opened it and I saw pictures of Ray and Boston, along with their fathers. Ray’s father and Tawi. There’s even a picture of Ray talking with Tawi alone.