Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Regulus wakes with a splitting headache and aches that his bones surely aren't meant to feel for at least another thirty years.

Outside of the all consuming ache that comes with inhabiting his body, he's only vaguely aware of the fact that it’s far too dark out for it to be a respectable time of day. There's an eerie sort of silence that looms over him, a heaviness in the air that he can't seem to shake. Something is off about this morning.

Regulus forces himself up from the bed into a sitting position and waits for… something to happen. He gives the window in front of him a blank stare. From the upper floor, there isn’t much to be seen out the window other than the branches of a long dead tree that claws at the window pane, and the farthest stretches of the long gravel driveway that leads out to the main road. The moon hasn’t bothered to grace him with her presence that night –and Regulus can’t even blame her– so really there is no point in looking out the window.

Regulus huffs and reaches out, blindly, for the phone on his bedside table. The traitorous face of the screen tells him that it is, in fact, an unmentionable time of day. See, Regulus Black makes a point to live by the rule that no respectable person should see two fives in a day (two sixes, if they can help it), so the number three that glares up at him from his phone is surely mocking him.

Just as he’s decided to try to go back to sleep, he hears the roaring of an engine and the crunching of tires approaching the house from the gravel driveway. As the high beams of the approaching vehicle shine in the direction of the house proper, the trees cast even more menacing shadows over Regulus’ bed. A short, but perilous, journey to the window allows Regulus to see an unrecognisable car, with the engine still running, taking up the middle of the makeshift parking lot that makes up the end of their driveway. Regulus watches in confusion as the car doesn’t move, nor does anyone exit the vehicle. They didn’t have any late night –or rather, early morning– arrivals coming in, did they? No, Ted and Andy would have told him and he would have offered to wake up early to greet them, rather than being rudely awoken against his will.

Regulus’ incredulous gaze doesn’t waver as he continues to observe the car until the driver finally stumbles out. Their form is more of a shapeless blob of darkness rather than anything distinguishable as they walk around to the back seat of the car and open the passenger seat. Regulus is horrified for a split second to see the large driver haul a significantly smaller, still vaguely human-shaped, blob out of their back seat and remembers that Sirius had gone out earlier that night. He lets out a sigh that is two parts relief and three parts disappointment as watches as the smaller form attempts to stumble around the car towards the front door. Regulus cranes his neck to watch as Sirius approaches the door as the driver pulls away, washing Sirius’ crumpled form in pitch blackness. Regulus just barely catches the movement of his brother beginning to lay down at their doorstep before the world outside his window is completely dark again.

Regulus pulls away from the window and presses his ear to his door to listen out into the hallway. He counts ten seconds of silence, in which he had expected to hear some sort of commotion –the sound of his brother opening the door, or at least knocking to be let in– but the noise never comes. Regulus returns to the window, and stares down at his motionless lump of a brother. 

“Move, you fucking…” but the heat dies in his throat. He sighs and, before he can think about it any longer, he’s down the stairs and at the front door. The hinges squeak open, revealing the shadow of his brother against the backdrop of the night. 

“Reggie!” Sirius slurs. His teeth are chattering, the stench of vomit and booze cling to him and Regulus pulls away when Sirius literally falls through the doorway. “Reg, oh shit…” he sighs, reaching a hand out to steady himself on the wall, “Shit, you should’ve come out tonight!” he says, suddenly finding himself funny. 

“You stink.” Regulus mutters, wrinkling his nose as he goes to shut the door behind his brother. 

Sirius jolts up and opens his mouth to say something but he lurches to the side with a sudden urgency and is suddenly sick for what must be at least the second time. Regulus grimaces and looks at him with the same pity one gives to a dead animal on the side of the road.. 

“Fuck…” Regulus drawls over the sound of Sirius coughing and choking on his own sick. He holds Sirius up by the shoulders so he doesn’t fall into his mess and leans him up against the wall. “Stay. Put.” Regulus says, sternly. He rounds the corner into the kitchen and fills a glass with tap water. When he returns to Sirius, the light in the hallway upstairs is on and he hears the sounds of shuffling coming from Andromeda and Ted’s room. “Shit…” he mumbles. He carelessly thrusts the glass into Sirius’ hand, who let out an indignant noise when it spilled into his lap. “Shh!” Regulus hisses before rushing over to the hallway to grab a mop.

When he gets back to the entryway, Andromeda is already all over Sirius, coddling him and running her hand through his sweat drenched hair. She has all the courtesy and patience in the world not to gag at the sick, even as she has to comb it out of strands of hair with her fingers. Ted stands on the stairs, arms crossed over his chest, a sympathetic look in his eyes.

“Reggie,” Andromeda says warmly as she notices him in the dark, “are you alright?”

“I'm fine.” Regulus whispers. He holds the mop out at arms length to show her, like a child showing off a big rock they found at the park. “Brought the mop.” he says, helpfully.

She gives him a big smile and might have been about to say something when Sirius is dry heaving over her shoulder and she goes back to tutting over him, soothingly. Regulus clenches his fist at his side, strongly resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Ted takes the mop from him and places a strong hand on his shoulder. 

“You should try and get back to sleep.” Ted says, his own voice still groggy. Regulus starts to protest but Sirius’ gagging interrupts him. This time, at least, he has the sense to speak up for himself.

“‘M so s- sorry Andy.” he whimpers, sounding just like the whiny, entitled brat he’s always been, and Regulus is too exhausted to note the hypocrisy. 

“Jesus, you can’t stand shutting up for two seconds even when you’re throwing up your own organs.” Regulus scoffs bitterly. 

“Regulus!” Andromeda scolds. The harshness of her tone has Regulus’ shoulders tensing around his neck. She holds Sirius closer by the shoulder, wrapping her arm around him. His head lolls back onto her arm, his eyes rolling back in his head, likely too delirious to defend himself. Regulus rolls his eyes and scoffs again. 

“What? I’m just saying, he can’t even take care of himself for one night.” he says bitterly, facing Ted whose face gives nothing away.

This, finally, gets a rise out of Sirius, who must use all his strength to push himself up to his feet and stumble over to Regulus, whom he stabs in the chest with an accusatory finger. 

“Fuck… You…” he huffs, as though it takes all his energy. “Fucking… Twat….” he grunts, putting his all into a shove. Regulus stumbles back, making as squawk of indignation as he stumbles backwards.

He growls and tries to lunge for his brother but Ted is immediately between them. 

“Regulus. Go to bed.” He says firmly. Even as the younger man tries to push past him, Ted plants himself and doesn’t move. Regulus gives a huff of annoyance once he realises Ted won’t release him and the only way out is back up the stairs. “Go,” he continues, “we’ll deal with this.” he gestures vaguely backwards at Sirius. 

“Let him deal with it himself. That'll teach him.” Regulus suggests, nd with that, he stomps back up the stairs, wood creaking precariously under his feet.

He slams the door of his room like a bratty teenager and stands still at the side of his bed, huffing and puffing for air as though he’s just run a mile. His shoulders shake with the force of his breath, his knuckles are white from where they stayed clenched at his side and his jaw aches with the way his teeth are grinding together. At this point, the furrow in his brow is a permanent feature of his face, so everything else just seems to be complementary accessories.

Looking straight ahead at the mirror on his open closet door, he thinks, briefly, that he looks feral, like a rabid dog, foaming at the mouth. 

Regulus sighs (releasing no tension from his body) and reaches over to snatch his phone up again. Three fifteen. Regulus throws the cursed thing down onto the bed and stomps over to the small writing desk on the opposite side of the room.

If he’s up he might as well be productive.

He looks at the papers and assignment instructions that sat in neat piles on his desk. “Organised chaos” some might call it, but really it was somehow more cluttered than it looked. Regulus sat at the desk, sighed to himself and promised something would get done in the next three hours before he really had to get to work. He ends up only spending half an hour on an essay for his elective literature course before he finds his eyelids becoming heavier and heavier, his head beginning to droop over the desk.

He’s only startled awake by the sound of knocking at his door. As if he were awake the whole time, he straightens up and whips his head around, his eyes fully alert even in the darkness. Andromeda’s head is visible in the crack of the open door before he even has the chance to say anything. She lets herself in too and flicks the light on above his head. He hisses at the brightness which makes her laugh. 

“So dramatic, the both of you.” she teases lightly. She moves to take a seat on Regulus’ bed, smoothing out the corners of his covers. “Sirius is asleep.” she hums. “He’s sorry, for what it’s worth, but he’ll tell you himself.” 

“I seriously doubt that.” he scoffs as he turns back to his desk to pretend he’s doing work. He even picks his pen back up and taps it against the paper -like he’s thinking really hard. He can hear Andromeda shuffling around behind him and her hand is suddenly on his shoulder. Regulus jerks away from the touch with a groan but Andromeda is relentless and before he can say ‘boo’ her hand is stroking soothingly through his hair. Regulus bares his teeth; a nervous mutt, ready to snap. 

“Reggie,” she says in a tone so soft it’s patronising, it makes Regulus’ skin crawl, “You and Sirius have had worse spats than this and you’ll have worse in the future. And you know what? You always make up.” She says in a sing-song voice that must make birds flock to her in another universe, but in this one it just feels like regular old condescension. 

“He’s an embarrassment!” Regulus cries, pushing away from the desk and Andromeda. It’s just when he’s moved to exit through the door that he finds Ted standing in his way once again. “Ugh, what are you, her guard dog?” He scowls.

Ted shrugs. “When she needs me to be.” he says gruffly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Reggie…” Andromeda sighs, her hands on her waist as she shakes her head in a very what-are-we-going-to-do-with-you manner and god does she look so much like Regulus’ mother he almost shudders. “You and Sirius have been fighting for a week , I know you’re getting tired. Just… put us all out of our misery.” she pleads. She’s standing next to him again, but she seems to know better than to touch him. 

He scoffs. “Well I’m so sorry, Andromeda, that my brother hating me is so upsetting to you .” He means to sound like he’s making a point but he just sounds petty and annoying, and the worst part is that he knows it which means Andromeda can surely smell the bullshit on him. 

“Of course I’m upset, Reggie!” she says, raising her voice the highest she has all night to make sure her exasperation is heard. “I’m upset because you two would rather claw each other to ribbons than, oh, I don’t know, talk about things?” she mocks and Regulus has to turn his back to her. He bites down, hard, on his own tongue and he hears Andromeda take a shaky breath to compose herself in turn. “I’m sorry, I just… okay, I know you’re both having a rough time, and, you know what? If it will be best to just let you ride it out, I’ll stop my meddling.” Regulus can hear her raise her arms defensively without even having to see her. “But you have to work it out.” she says, decisively. Regulus resists the urge to scoff or scowl or roll his eyes for the millionth time that night, so instead he stays silent, the urge to turn and fight with her too lays dormant in his body, vibrating just under his skin.

He hears the barely-there sound of a sigh -a signal of defeat- followed by feet padding across the floor that tells him Andromeda is likely retreating to Ted. “They’ll work it out.” she must think she’s whispering to Ted as they’re leaving. “That’s what brothers do, after all.” she hums like she fucking knows everything and Regulus just can’t help himself when he says; 

“We do, don’t we!” His tone is all too cheery for the venomous taste that practically drips from his jowls. “Just like sisters do, isn’t that right, Andromeda?” 

Delivering the killing blow.

There’s no reaction on his face that might betray him, but Andromeda lets out a sound that tells him he’s won and he fights the urge to smile. That would be too much.

The silence seems to weigh heavily on the three of them in the room but they all stand still, waiting to see who will crumble first.

It’s Andromeda, of course, as she gracefully bows her head and backs out of the ring. She goes silently and Ted blocks her face from Regulus as she leaves. Regulus meets his gaze instead of hers and finds himself locked in by his heated gaze. The look of simmering anger tries to hide itself behind the icy blue of his eyes. 

“Go to bed Regulus.” He says for the final time. He closes the door, softly, behind him and yet Regulus still flinches.

He does end up going to bed in the end, if only to be able to curl in on himself and cradle the hole that he feels forming in his stomach.

When he wakes for the second time that morning, it’s finally a proper time of day to be awake, at least for the type of work he does. The feeling of sleep depravity still lingers, weighing his entire body down as he trudges about the room, getting himself washed and dressed and ready for the morning. He stares himself down in the mirror, stilling himself for the battlefield that will most certainly have befallen their breakfast table. He takes a steadying breath, and walks down the stairs, delicately so that he might be afforded the small mercy of being able to slip through the house, unnoticed, for the next few hours until it was “forgiving time”.

Andromeda had them on a fairly strict schedule, in Regulus’ opinion. Of course they could fight as long as they wanted because there would always come a day when the tension has been laid so thick that it begins to stretch thin as it spreads over the entire house. It’s a sort of feeling that everyone in the house can sense. When that time came, you were allowed to ruminate in the euphoria of having all that anger let out, until the guilt began to set in. Oddly enough, that seemed to always happen around tea; hence, “forgiving time”. But for now, it's still too early. So Regulus skirts around the edges of the kitchen, thankful to be the first one up, but the guilt rushes him the minute he grabs four bowls to set the table with.

He turns the radio on the window on to the jazz station Andromeda and Ted love so much and gets started on making breakfast; porridge with bananas, blueberries and syrup. Prep is done in relative silence until he hears the back door opening and Kreacher announces himself. 

“Young mister Black!” he greets, happily. “Lovely morning, isn’t it?”

“Won’t be for long, I’m afraid.” he says, gesturing vaguely upstairs.

“Ah, rough night then.” Kreacher hums as he takes the spoon out of Regulus’ hand to finish the breakfast he started, despite Regulus’ adamant protests. “Well, no worries. I’m sure the clarity of a new day will help everything sort itself out.” Before Regulus can respond there’s a sound of footsteps loudly announcing themselves on the staircase. Regulus doesn’t have to turn around to know it’s Sirius by the way the sound comes to an abrupt stop as soon as it approaches the kitchen. 

“Morning Kreacher.” Sirius mutters. 

“Good morning sir!” Kreacher greets warmly. Regulus affords Sirius the kindness of stepping away from the porridge and fruits to check the fridge for… well, just to stick his head in there so his brother can take his breakfast quickly and get out. When Sirius is plopped down at his place at the table he’s already eating from his bowl, so Regulus goes to grab his own breakfast. It’s a well practiced dance by now. Regulus doesn’t sit. His usual place is directly across from Sirius and the table seems to have lost some of its length since last he remembers. 

“I’m going out to muck out the stalls. Then I’ll clean the odd numbers.” Regulus says to no one in particular of course. Sirius nods nevertheless.

“I’ll take evens.” he says through a mouthful of food but Regulus doesn’t scold him. Not yet. “ I’ll fix the lawn up and then I’m out with Ted at the hardware store.” Regulus nods and they finish their food in silence.

Before Ted or Andy wake, Regulus is out the door and in the stables. It’s only a small barn out by the side of the house and they only have four horses but Regulus loves to be out here, despite the ever present stench. Don’t be mistaken, Regulus hates the nature of stable-boy work, but he loves the animals. He loves them especially today because they’re quiet and everything he needs to do with them he can do by himself. Granted, it might very well take him until lunch to muck out the stalls, groom all the horses and get the vet in to check out Maxine -whose leg has been acting up ever since she took a stumble the last time she went up the trail with a guest. Regulus checks on her first and she’s not as restless as she had been the other day. The swelling's gone down considerably but she still favours her right hind leg as Regulus leads her out of the stall and into the paddock. 

He is ankle deep in shit when he spots Sirius out of the corner of his eye. He’s on the dirt bike they use to get between the house and all the cabins that are practically on another lot. He’s confused when the bike stops in front of the stables and Sirius begins to approach him. Regulus tries not to tense or give away that he even sees him coming but then Sirius is shouting his name so his head shoots up just in time for Sirius to plant his hands on Regulus’ shoulders and give him a much stronger shove than the night before. He almost falls into the literal crap behind him if it weren’t for Sirius also catching him by the arm. 

“What the hell were you thinking!” he bellows, leaving Regulus even more confused. “Listen you little shit, you can hate me all you want but you won’t take it out on Andy!” he growls. He bares his teeth and shakes Regulus like a jungle cat with its prey. “Do you hear me?”

“Fuck you!” Regulus spits, sounding more bewildered than bitter. Sirius rolls his eyes and lets Regulus go, thankfully after he’s regained his footing. 

“Real fucking mature, Reggie.” he sighs. He spins on his heel and stomps away.

Regulus doesn’t embarrass himself by calling after Sirius, he only returns silently to his work. His stomach churns at the sound of the dirt bike speeding away, gravel crunching under its tires.

The rest of the day goes smoothly considering he spends it alone. The silence is welcome but when their usual time for tea rolls around and Regulus returns to the house to find the kettle slowly cooling and no one sitting around the table with their mugs, the guilt that had been lingering in the corner of his mind morphs into a great ugly, beast of despair. As he cleans the cabins and makes blessedly short small talk with guests that filter in and out and about the grounds, he resolves that everything will be fine by dinner. It has to be.

So the day moves like molasses and after handling a last minute check in, Regulus finally takes his literal and figurative work boots off. Kreacher’s gone already but he’s taken the time to fill up the house fridge and the fridge for the breakfast menu items. Regulus sees the chicken out thawing on the counter by the sink and spots all the ingredients for a pesto sauce out beside it so he gets a jump on dinner. While the oven preheats, he decides to boil some pasta for the leftover sauce with a side of potatoes and peas. He hums to himself because he is filled to the brim with nervous energy and it has to come out or he might explode. He vibrates with nerves as he sets the table and cooks the chicken and stirs the pasta and plates their food.

The first person to show up to dinner is, thankfully, Ted. He enters the house with the front door swinging open and makes a light comment about how something smells nice in here which makes Regulus let out the smallest sigh of relief. Everything’s going to be fine.

Regulus is only slightly deterred by the sight of Sirius following in after him. The two of them make eye contact after Sirius has eyed the food on his plate. 

“Looks good.” Sirius mumbles and if Regulus cared at all he might have felt like crying but it was nothing. Everything was fine. 

The three men are seated as Andromeda comes in from the back, shucking off her garden gloves and kicking her muddied shoes off at the back door. She sighs as she slips past her husband, planting a kiss on his cheek before taking her place at the table. She looks pleased at the food in front of her and she looks to Regulus at her side, who bashfully avoids her gaze, but she takes his hand and says;

“Thank you, Reggie.” Regulus shrugs but doesn’t pull his hand away. Andromeda gives a satisfied smile, even at his nothing reaction and with that they go about dinner in that normal family way that makes Regulus twitch with how normal it is.

They talk about their days, about customers, about the horses, about people they saw at the hardware store and everything is so much lighter than it has been that Regulus forgets entirely that there should probably be some apologies at one point or another. Eventually the topic strays into school work and Regulus takes ample opportunity to bitch about how vet school might actually kill him and reminds everyone dramatically to make that the official cause of death. He beams as they laugh and relaxes considerably as the conversation shifts to Andromeda's day out with her friends and Ted's plans for repainting the barn. 

After that, it’s Sirius’ turn to talk and Regulus goes rigid with the sudden slap to the face that is the reminder that his brother is graduating, and not only that, but he's graduating tomorrow . 

"And I told everyone it was okay that they come for dinner tomorrow." Sirius says, his leg bouncing excitedly under the table. 

"Remind me who 'everyone' is again." Andromeda hums as she begins to collect plates. Sirius begins to rattle off the names of his seemingly endless supply of fellow graduate friends. He concludes by saying; 

"You know, just everyone who's going on the trip." 

"Trip?" Regulus musters, his voice raw and scratchy from disuse. Sirius rolls his eyes, not unkindly, before reminding him. 

"My graduation trip, Reggie? The one I've been saving up for since I graduated high school?" He says like it's obvious and truthfully, it should be.

Sirius has been planning this great adventure ever since he got his driver's license. Regulus would even help him plan, sometimes, but that was back when it still felt like a far away thing, a dream that was safe to have because it would never happen. But here it was, happening.

Sirius keeps talking and Regulus is, once again, seething. He's practically clawing at the edge of the table trying to still his hands. He doesn't hear Andromeda calling his name over the sound of his ears ringing. 

"Reggie." She calls in that sickly sweet voice. He glances up at her, sharply, jaw slack in confusion. "Feel free to bring your friends too. Always room for-" Regulus doesn't let her finish because he's already pushed away from the table, chair dragging with an ear splitting screech that only barely makes Regulus flinch.

"So you're leaving?" Regulus asks, rhetorically.

"Umm, yes?" Sirius says and has the audacity to chuckle. "I just said that."

Regulus can't breathe, can't speak, can't move. Ted reaches out, laying his palm down flat in front of him on the table.

"Alright Reg?" He asks, concerned.

Regulus vaguely registers that he's huffing out angry little breaths and rocking back and forth in the chair to avoid either lurching over and smacking his head on the table or lunging across it and tackling Sirius. Before he can decide between the former or the latter, Sirius is opening his Goddamn mouth again.

"Well, it's just, I've been planning this for so long, I thought you knew." He says, his brows pinched together. "I won't be gone for a day still." He adds like that makes up for it. "And I'll write and probably call and everything." He promises but Regulus shakes his head.

"You're running." He spits. "You're always fucking running Sirius. What about… what about everything here?" 

"We've managed before." Andromeda soothes but Regulus is adamant.

"No! He- you have responsibilities here!" He says. "We both do! We promised we'd work!" He huffs. 

"Well… yeah but…" He stutters, looking between Regulus and Andromeda. "It's not like we’re on parole, Reggie! For fucks sake, Andy and Ted have known for ages and they said-"

"Regulus, really," Andromeda sighs like she's tired of him, "you're both allowed to take breaks. You're young! I say you should both go out and have as much fun as you damn well please! We can spare Sirius for a year, he’ll have his fun, and he’ll be back soon enough." 

"Year?" Regulus asks, almost a whisper. "You're gone for a year?" He looks up at Sirius, foolishly hoping he'll say no.

And of course, he doesn't, and just like that he might as well be gone already.

Next thing he knows, Regulus is in his room, panting into his pillow, face hot and eyes wet. He can't remember how long he's been up there or what time of night it is any more but at this point he's begging the tears in his eyes to fall because he feels them clogging up his whole body, he's choking on them the longer they stay in.

He feels embarrassed as he draws the covers up around him because he knows Sirius isn't crying like this right now. Of course he isn't, he's excited to go, he's practically running out the door, isn't he?

Regulus feels the clenching ache in his chest that he thought had died out when… Well, when Sirius left the first time.

He immediately feels sick at the thought; he promised Sirius he would never hold that against him, and he doesn't, not really. He could never be angry at Sirius for doing what he had to do. Their parents were suffocating at best and Sirius would have drowned if he had stayed any longer. Regulus doesn't begrudge him leaving him behind either. Not really. Not anymore. He would have survived, he still thinks, even if he'd stayed, but Sirius came back so they never had to find out.

Now here they were again, and Regulus only just started to feel like he got his brother back in the first place.

Suddenly, he's angry, and not at Sirius.

It's been years. Why shouldn't his brother have this? He should be grateful he's had seven good years with his brother outside their parents home, five great years with Ted and Andromeda. He's being selfish. He should be spending one last good night with his brother but he can't even manage that.

Everything within him is screaming at him to go to Sirius and apologize and fucking suck it up, but he knows that what he'll really end up doing is begging him not to go, which is both embarrassing and a waste of time. Nothing will make Sirius change his mind, not even Regulus. And why would it matter now when it didn't before? No, Sirius would go no matter how much the pit in Regulus' stomach gaped and widened and threatened to swallow him up from the inside out. Sirius would go and Regulus would stay and he would be fine with it because… well, he'd be lying if he said he was done shedding tears over his brother, but at least the lie would soothe him to sleep.

Chapter Text

The day Sirius graduates, Regulus drifts about the empty house like a phantom.

He wakes to find Kreacher has already made him breakfast and has gone out to set up breakfast in the guest dining room. Andromeda and Ted have left a note on the table that says they're out for a doctor's appointment and Sirius went out with friends last night and won't be back until dinner.

So Regulus bucks up, makes himself a morning cup of tea and sets himself on his work.

He's efficient with the horses and curt over the phone with the vet. He deals with two guest checkouts and one check in as painlessly as he can. He brings those same guests –their only guests for the weekend– out to their cabin and tells them to have a great stay. He sits down at the front desk with his uni papers and laptop out and blazes through assignments that he'd let fall by the wayside for far too long. He walks about the garden, weeding out the shit that definitely should not be growing there, and picking the things that have finally ripened.

All in all, it was a productive day. Even when he takes the janky old truck out to town, he’s in and out fairly quickly.

So quickly, in fact, that he decides to make a quick stop over at Barty and Evan’s place last minute for a cup of tea. He’s got enough time left in the day to let the two of them pester him to their heart's content. He does, however, turn them down when they ask him to come out for a drink.

“It’s like we don’t ever see you anymore.” Barty sighs around his cigarette. Sometimes Regulus thinks the only reason he sticks around with Evan is because he’s the only roommate he could find who’ll put up with him frankly chain smoking in the house. It probably helps that Evan is hopelessly head over heels for the guy, but Regulus decidedly says nothing about that.

“Just ‘cause I don’t want to be getting pissed every other weekend...” he grumbles.

“Let this be a word of warning, folks.” Barty announces to no one in particular. “Uni makes you bland and boring and you never want to go out with your friends anymore.” Regulus rolls his eyes.

"Hear, hear!" Evan toasts. 

“Sorry I have responsibilities now.” he scoffs, even though he almost means it. Both Evan and Barty share a glance that has Regulus furrowing his brow. “What?”

“Nothin’...” Evan sighs.

“Just… you don’t have to work yourself to death every damn day, like!” Barty scoffs. Evan gently scolds him but his words fall on deaf ears. “You’ve always made things so much harder than they need to be, Reggie, it’s fucking mental!”

“Fuck off, Crouch, you don’t get it.” he says, bitterly.

“I don’t see what there is to get,” he continues, desperately, “other than you’ve always got to be a bloody fucking martyr-”

That’s all Regulus can stand to hear before he’s figured he’s wasted enough time and there’s got to be something better for him to do at home. Just about anything would be better than being bitched at. If he wanted that he’d hang out with Sirius.

Since Regulus is so good at his job, he still has a moment to himself when he returns to the house, where he just sits on the couch in the living room and lets the silence seep into his skin... He isn’t sure what to do with the softness of it all, and the awkwardness of having to exist by himself in what feels like a perpetual state of emptiness is almost sickening.

No one’s home, they won’t be home for at least another hour. Sirius’ name has likely just been called by the dean and he’s probably walking across that stage right now and half the room is probably cheering for him, and Regulus is at home, sitting in the relative darkness that only one lamp will provide you, moping like a child.

He sinks his fingers into the soft cushions and tells himself to get over it; nothing he’s saying (or thinking, rather) makes any sense. So he’s home alone, so what? He’ll have to get used to it sooner or later. Andromeda and Ted won’t want him around forever, and Sirius has made it plain that he’s not keen on sticking around.

That’s all fine because Regulus does a wonderful job of taking care of things when he’s alone; he’s methodical, he’s efficient, he’s… hungry because he forgot to make himself lunch and it’s nearly five in the afternoon. But everything else has been perfect! He even has time to… sit and do nothing… Relaxing, he thinks. The word floats around in his mind, seemingly unsure of how it fits in to his system. 

Besides the point. So, again, to reiterate, an overall, well-run ship because he has not needed his brother in a very long time. Really, there’s no need for tears at all anymore, which is why it’s especially a shock to Regulus when he finds them falling anyways. He finds himself shaking with anger and fear and the perpetual shame that he feels when he cries in front of no one, and he’s embarrassed of his embarrassment...

So, really, overall, a great day and he can’t wait to rub it in Sirius’ face how well he’s done alone.

Eventually when the tears have dried up, Regulus finds the strength to push himself up from the couch and trudge up the stairs to take a bath and wait for people to come bustling in and invade his house. On his way past his room to the linen closet, his phone buzzes in his pocket and Andromeda’s name pops up on the screen. He answers the phone without a word.

“Hello?” Andromeda’s voice crackles through the speaker. It sounds like there’s a million people around her talking all at once. “Reggie?” she asks, like she can’t tell he’s picked up the phone. Regulus makes a disgruntled noise of acknowledgement. “Oh, hello love!” she lilts. “All wrapped up here. We’ll bring home take out so don’t worry about dinner. Don’t forget we’ve guests coming over so please try to be amicable for a night. You can go back to being broody tomorrow, alright? Oh, I… yes, hold on a minute…” she says, probably to someone who isn’t Regulus. “Uh, sorry Reggie. We’ll be home in half an hour! I’ve got to go, see you in a bit. Ciao!” She rushed out and hung up the phone before Regulus could get a word in, not that he could have contributed much to the conversation.

Regulus goes to take his bath and dresses in slightly more casual wear just in time to hear the door swing open and the cacophony of voices that suddenly fill the house. Regulus swears he almost goes deaf at the onslaught of noise after his long day of peace and quiet, but nevertheless, he holds his head up and makes himself known to the guests. He’s only just made it halfway down the stairs when at least three people are shouting sounds of greeting at him. Faces whirl by, hands clap him on the back as he walks into the foyer in search of Ted or Andromeda or even Sirius at this point, but the house seems to be so full of people that he’s almost suffocating.

In reality, there’s probably only about seven people and their front entrance is more than big enough to fit them all. Before he can scold himself for doing it, Regulus is huffing and pushing through the sea of bodies into the kitchen where it’s only slightly quieter. He unclenches the fists at his side and lets out the breath he had been holding in only to jump when a voice startled him, just when he thought he’d lost them all.

“Oh, hey! Sorry, Sirius told me to put the beers in the fridge but he didn’t say which one.”

The voice came from a man who was tall enough that Regulus was shocked he hadn’t seen him in the first place. He held out a six pack in each hand and his smile was outrageous to say the least (a driving hazard, really, if he ever dared to flash it while on the road). Regulus was dumbstruck at the sight of him, mostly because his heart was still pounding from shock and fear but also because he was racking his brain about where he recognized the man from. Apparently, he wasn’t very subtle or very quick with his staring because the man began to rock back and forth on the balls of his feet, awkwardly.

“Uh, sorry, the beer?” he asked, raising it up between them, derailing Regulus’ train of thought. “Can I just… put it in this one?” he asks, gesturing vaguely at the “guest” fridge.

“Best not.” Regulus says, willing his voice not to crack or croak or do anything of the sort that might embarrass him further. “Use the house fridge,” he says, nodding to the other side.

“Ah, cheers mate!” the man brightens and goes about putting the bottles away, not before grabbing two in each hand and holding one out to Regulus asks, “Want one?” Regulus only shakes his head and looks down at the floor. The man seems to stay in that position, looking down at Regulus, beer offered out to him. Regulus risks a look up at his face only to see that obtrusive smile once again.

“We missed you today at the ceremony, baby Black.” The nickname hits Regulus somewhere that Regulus thought he would never feel again. The man standing over him shakes out the loose curls of his hair, letting them fall about his face (and if this were a cheesy romcom, he’d have done it in slow motion) and that’s when it clicks for Regulus.

James Potter.

He almost laughs at the thought of forgetting him.

Well, honestly, forgetting isn't exactly the right word. After all, James Potter probably makes it a point to be memorable, and he was nothing if not a determined little shit who always got his way.

Still, Regulus is completely taken aback at how long it takes him to recognize James, but he quickly pieces together the puzzle.

In the sparkle of his eyes, Regulus recognizes the much smaller boy who Sirius would come home from school talking non-stop about; in the mischievous twitch of his lips, he remembers the boy he would glare daggers at during student council meetings; in the rosiness of his cheeks, he remembers the two Christmases spent in a house that wasn't his but felt more like home than anything. Every memory of the two years spent with the Potters before getting in contact with Andromeda and Ted rushes back to the forefront of his mind.

James Potter was always a shock to the system, and it didn't help that Regulus had made a point of avoiding him the last five years and, well, he had certainly done some growing up.

So many words rush to mind, all the things he’s ever thought or said or wanted to say to or about James Fleamont Potter, but all he can come up with is–

“It’s Regulus.” Very eloquent.

Before James can respond, an uproarious shout comes from the living room and startles the both of them. They look across the hallway to see people lounging on couches and loveseats and pillows that have been placed on the floor beginning to open takeout carts on the coffee table. James laughs, a soft sound.

“We better get in there,” he says.

“I think I’d rather be shot.” Regulus shudders, but James laughs anyway.

“Oh, he’s got jokes now?” he teases. He’s begun walking away from Regulus, so he follows him. 

"I've always been the funny one." he says in a bored tone. James laughs again so there must be some truth to it.

"No you're fucking not!" And that's Sirius, sprawled out on the couch, head in someone's lap as they feed him takeout spring rolls. "I've had… two years longer on this earth to perfect my comedy routine. I’ve got a head start on you." He says through obnoxious bites of food.

“This the genius little brother then?” a woman across from Sirius hums, nodding up in greeting to Regulus. Regulus doesn’t like to make a big deal out of the fact that he was in the fourth year of his program at 19. Really, his parents had only moved him up a grade when he first started school to keep him in the same primary school as Sirius, and since then he’d only skipped year three for being “advanced for his age”. Of course, this means jack shit to have been smarter than a seven year old when your edging ever closer to twenty. Sirius, however, loves to brag. He was proud, or so he’d say, but Regulus firmly believes that he’ll just take any attention he can get for whatever reason.

“Oh, that’s him alright.” Sirius responded, a little too loudly. “See, though, the thing with brothers is they only share about fifty-percent of the same genes, hence why we both lucked out in the beauty department, but only one of us got the brains.” Sirius laments to no one in particular. “I have to make up for it by being perfect in every other respect. That means being funnier. Just science Reg…”

Opting to ignore his brother as he leans down to grab his own carton of takeout with his name sharpied onto the side, Regulus notices that Sirius’ pupils are blown to hell and the edges of white are teetering on pink-ish. His suspicions are only confirmed when Sirius leans forward to knock their heads together and Regulus smells the weed on him before he pulls away laughing like he’s the worlds greatest fucking comedian.

"Faded at your own graduation party." He says, quickly changing the subject, leaning up against the wall, arms crossed over his stomach. "Very classy." Sirius makes an undignified face that Regulus makes back before he can stop himself.

Ted and Andromeda pick up the conversation as Regulus scans the crowd, trying to remember the names Sirius might have mentioned in passing and place them to faces.

The boy beside Sirius was a fairly short dirty blond. He wore slacks and a button up like his mom had just dressed him for Sunday mass. He laughed boisterously with James, who had plopped down beside him, which vaguely jogged Regulus’ memory of a third (and was there a fourth?) roommate from their school days. Anyways, this must have been one of them. Patrick? Parker, maybe?

Next to them, on the loveseat, were two women with their legs practically braided together. If it weren’t for the stark difference in their outfits, one wouldn’t have been able to tell where one body ended and the other began. One of them had intricate braids with accents of golden clasps that draped over her the sheer top and corset combo. The other woman dressed in baggy streetwear and had her hair blonde chopped off around her ears and bangs that feathered around her face, showing off her plethora of ear jewelry.

Ted and Andromeda were slotted together on an armchair, looking particularly cozy, and conversing with two girls who sat at their feet; one, a redhead wrapped up in a denim jacket, and the other wearing her curls out, framing her whole head, with only a pink headband that perfectly matched her dress.

The final face belonged to the body that Sirius was practically crawling over. His soft looking sweater matched his soft brown hair. The man was laughing as Sirius pawed like a cat at the dangling earring he wore. Regulus was almost physically sick at the sight of Sirius fawning over this… Boyfriend? Lover? Close friend? Study partner? Whatever he was, Regulus promised himself there and then that whatever intentions he had with his brother, he wouldn’t make things easy for him.

He’s eventually snapped back into the conversation at the mention of the dreaded trip once again and, of course, James is the one talking about it.

“So the train leaves at nine so we’ve plenty of time for breakfast.”

“Oh! Where are you all staying tonight?” Andromeda asks, concerned. “Don’t answer that, actually.” she interrupts, resolutely. “You’re all staying here. I’ve a spare room and an empty cabin with two queens. We’ll all have breakfast together in the morning.” A slew of thank you's and cheers come from around the room. “Sorry James,” Andromeda laughs, “train at nine and then?” she prompts for him to continue.

“Well, first stop, my parent’s place. They’re expecting us to stay for dinner so there’s no getting out of it.” he says, almost shyly.

“Oh, do say hi for us.” Andromeda coos at the mention of James’ parents, who even Regulus can’t help but think fondly of.

“Where to after that?” Ted asks, slowly nursing his beer.

“Well,” one of the girls –the redhead– picks up where James left off, “we’ve got a couple cottages rented out by the water for a week.”

“Oh, lovely spot,” the woman beside her continues, “right by the most perfect beach in all of England.”

“That’s not saying much.” the blond man scoffs, which earns a chuckle from the room.

“And after that,” the woman beside him continues, flipping her braids over her shoulder before leaning in even closer to the woman in her lap, "there's a bunch of stops we have to make in London proper before seeing Lily’s folks.” she says with a nod towards the red haired girl. “Like, I'm pretty sure we're going to three museums in a day. James' parents have been generous enough to let us stay with them since we could only get the cottages for a weekend." She tacks on, politely.

"Oh, please," James scoffs, "like they'd ever not want to see you guys. Seriously, I'm pretty sure the reason they became foster parents is because they couldn't keep you lot." Regulus can't say the news is shocking; the Potters are only the most big-hearted people you could ever meet and he can't help the little flutter that his heart gives at the thought of so many other children being able to experience that love.

Regulus turns out the conversation for a few more minutes as they talk about plans that keep them in England. Each of their stops seems to be directly focused on meeting someone or other’s family so he catches some names here and there. He only finds himself interested again when mentions of France begin floating around.

“...after Remus’ parents' place, we’ll stay in Wales for two nights before catching a direct flight from Cardiff straight to Paris!” the girl he now knew as Mary squealed excitedly. This wasn’t a huge shock to Regulus; he'd been on school trips to Paris before so it didn’t feel too far away.

“And after that?” Andromeda asked, excitedly. This caused a few glances to be exchanged through the room.

“Well, umm, after that we’re parting ways.” Sirius explained, solemnly. Bittersweet smiles dawned on everyone’s expression. “Really, it's for the girls' sake. They’ll probably be sick of us lads by then.” he teases. “So while the ladies off in Spain, the lads and I are off... to America!”

The whole room launches into a discussion about America which bleeds into a the next mindless conversation topic and Regulus’ heart stops.

At that moment, he couldn’t think of anywhere in the world farther than America. What the hell was even in America? And why the hell would Sirius want to go there, let alone stay for a year?

Suddenly Regulus finds that this whole trying to get to know Sirius’ friends before they steal his brother away thing is rather tedious work and he doesn't know why he bothered in the first place. He couldn't even be mad at them, really. Obviously they were going to talk about their trip, which was the very last thing Regulus wanted to hear about right now.

He slowly made his way out of the room, giving some lame excuse to no one in particular, excusing himself. Really he must have been wasting his breath because no one seemed to notice him, save for Remus who gives him a curious look from where he’s still buried under Sirius.

Regulus is back upstairs when he feels he can finally breathe again, at least for a moment before he hears the creak of the stairs behind him, alerting him to someone else’s presence. He really shouldn’t be surprised to see James standing there on the last steps, frozen like a kid with the cookie jar under Regulus’ gaze.

“Still nosey, Potter?” he asks, haughtily.

James laughs and continues his way up the stairs, somehow mistaking Regulus’ attempt at indifference as an invitation.

“Nosey? Me? Never!” he says, teasingly as he walks ever closer, invading Regulus’ space.

“Hmm, that’s odd because I seem to recall a young boy who would take the time out of his... study sessions to lurk about my table in the library.” Regulus says, pointedly. James gives an awkward smile (not as blinding as his usual one) and presses his hand to the back of his neck.

“Hah, you remember that…” he says, scratching absently at his neck. “Well, what can I say?” he says, with a new air of confidence. “You’ve always intrigued me, Reggie.”

“Regulus.”

“Right, sorry.” Regulus doesn’t forgive him. James clears his throat. “Uh, anyways, how’ve you been?" He asks as if he genuinely cares. Regulus doesn’t let himself believe it for a second. “Andromeda mentioned you’re in vet school now? How’s that going?”

“It’s… fine… it’s school.” he says, trying to answer a loaded question in a s few words as possible. It must work because James gives an enthused laugh and a sympathetic nod.

“Yeah, I hear that. Me, I'm glad to be done with it for good. Well, at least for now. I might go back, you know? I still wonder what would’ve happened if I went with my second choice major, you know? What about you? I mean, you must be really passionate to want to be a vet, right? ‘Cause, I-”

“Quite chatty for so late, Potter.” Regulus cuts off his rambling, effectively snapping James out of it but with the unanticipated side effect of James looking... embarrassed? Shit, did he do that?

“Ah, sorry, you’re- you’re right. You’re probably tired…” James mumbled. He gives a glance back down the stairs, probably already planning to head back down to the party. Regulus sighs.

“Just… save some conversation for breakfast…” he says with a dismissive wave, trying to ignore the way James physically perks up. “I’m not much fun for company right now.” he sighs as he begins to retreat into his room. James, thankfully, does not follow and just smiles from his place beside the stairs.

“Are you kidding? I’m having a great time! I miss talking to you. It must have been… What, three years now since we’ve properly chatter, you and I.” James rattles off.

Five , Regulus doesn’t say but rather makes a noncommittal hum.

“You don’t have to lie. You won’t hurt my feelings.” he sighs. “Enjoy your party, Potter.” he says.

He barely registers James’ softly whispered ‘goodnight’ before he has the door closed behind him.

Sleep is kind to him that night, enveloping him in its sweet, sweet darkness almost as soon as his head hits the pillow; no time for existentialism tonight it seems. Well, that is until he’s being rudely awoken by a shift in the mattress, new weight being added next to him, dipping the bed beneath him. Regulus groans loudly and bats away the formless shape in the darkness without opening his eyes. It’s only when that something has begun slapping him back that he knows it’s Sirius. 

“...egulus… Reg… Reggie... I know you’re awake, dickhead.” Sirius whispers at him.

“Go ‘way.” he grunts into the pillow.

“Reggie, I need to talk to you.” Sirius sounds desperate, which catches Regulus’ attention. He shuffles slightly, only to be able to look at his brother properly.

“Please?” he asks and Regulus hates the way he scoots over in bed and pulls up the cover, inviting Sirius into his space for what must be the first time in… well since they were much younger and much unhappier much more often. Back when they needed each other and the dead of night was the only time they could tell each other anything, the only time they were alone in the world. Sirius takes the invitation, huddling up under the covers, leaving ample room between them on the bed for both of their knobby knees to keep from knocking against each other.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend to share body heat with?” Regulus sighs, hoping that Sirius is blushing even though he can’t have the satisfaction of seeing it.

“If you must know, he’s warming the bed as we speak.” he says, proudly. Regulus rolls his eyes before remembering Sirius can’t see that either.

“Well, good for you then.” he mumbles.

“We need to talk.”

“So you’ve said, and yet you’ve done so little of it.”

“Just… look, this was a last minute thing.” Sirius says, without giving him context. “By last minute I literally mean this morning, okay? So, before I tell you anything; yes, there are holes in my plan but I’ll work around them, okay? I’ll figure it out, so you-”

“Sirius, I have no idea what you’re blabbering on about!”

“Come with us!” Sirius says it in a whisper but the weight of his words seem to ring over the room like the echo of a gong. The silence that follows feels never ending and, in the darkness, one might think they’d fallen asleep.

“Wh… sorry?” is about all Regulus can manage.

“Come on the trip with me.” he says, as if he's just told Regulus about the weather, not asked him to uproot his whole life and run away with him again. 

"I... don't understand..." Regulus whispers, even though it's a lie. Maybe Sirius is about to jump up and yell gotcha! but Regulus can't be sure yet.

“You’re on summer break, Reg! I promise to have you back by September, even before then if you want!” Sirius says, excitedly, like he expects Regulus to say yes.

Regulus’ heartbeat seems to be pounding in his skull. What the hell is Sirius thinking? There is no way he’s actually doing this right now, is there? Regulus asks him as much and Sirius just laughs.

“Of course I’m asking, Reg! I- I want you there! I know… I know we haven’t been… getting on and I’m sorry, but I think… Well, I’m going out there to get some fresh perspective, you know? Some new philosophy. Maybe… I dunno, maybe it could be good for... the both of us?’ he says, but he sounds uncertain. Regulus can’t believe the words coming out of his mouth and there’s nothing to do with the angry, confused, scared, nervous energy that’s bubbling up inside him except laugh.

He laughs, alone, because Sirius is frowning at him. Why? Doesn't he see how funny this is? What's not to get about this cosmic fucking joke? 

“Fuck, you almost got me.” he wheezes through a laugh that’s starting to hurt his chest.

“I’m being serious.”

“You’re always Sirius.” Regulus says because suddenly everything is so fucking funny. All he gets in return is a shove from his brother so, okay, maybe the joke didn’t land...

“Fuck off, it's stupid when you say it... Really though, I asked and everyone thinks it’s a good idea. Even Ted and Andy said they can spare you for a few months!” Regulus sighs as the humor of the moment dies off.

“Sirius, I can’t just up and leave on a whim like this…” he sighs, the lightness of his tone slowly slipping from his grasp. 

“Why not?” Sirius says in an overly excited tone, like he wasn’t even listening.

“Just because I can’t .” Regulus huffs. He doesn’t want to be having this conversation anymore. This would have all been so much easier if Sirius had just left without saying anything.

“Come on Reggie! The guys, they love you! We’ll have so much fun!” He could feel Sirius vibrating with excitement.

“No, Sirius.” he sighed, sitting up in bed. Sirius moved to follow him, sitting up across from him. “I- I’m not leaving!” he says, decidedly. He briefly thinks he sounds angrier than he meant to let on when Sirius flinches.

“But… why?” Sirius says, a pained whisper. Regulus makes a choked off noise of appalled shock.

“I- I just can’t Sirius. I’m not… I’m not like you! I can’t just… up and leave whenever it suits me!” he says, his voice just about as loud as he’ll let it get before he starts waking people up. “Fuck, Sirius! Is everything just… just a fucking game to you! Maybe if you actually gave a shit about anyone besides yourself-” but Sirius is stomping away from him before he has a chance to make his point.

He’s across the room and at the door in seconds. Regulus sits up straighter, waiting for Sirius to curse or shout or say anything but instead his brother lets him sit in silence. He must know that it makes Regulus itch on the inside because it seems to last forever and weigh a ton.

“Night Reggie.” is all he has the gall to say before leaving the room so quietly you’d never know he’d been there in the first place. Sleep doesn’t come for a long time.

Chapter Text

For the first time in a long time, Regulus finds he isn’t the first person awake.

His alarm still goes off at the same time and he takes the same amount of time getting dressed which usually still leaves him a half hour in the morning to himself before anyone else is up. Today, however, he wakes to the sounds of glasses and plates clinking together on the table as someone hums along to the morning jazz radio. 

He finds the noise oddly soothing as he goes about his regular routine, like the footsteps below him are ghosting his own and whoever is in the kitchen is also upstairs with him, a silent dance between strangers. 

By the time he leaves his room, the hallway smells of frying bacon. He slinks down the staircase and he has to squint his eyes as he reaches the main floor because all the drapes have been opened and the sun seems to have it out for Regulus that particular morning; a blinding omen of caution. 

Regulus pokes his head into the kitchen, narrowing his eyes against the onslaught of the suns’ relentless brilliance and scans the room for any signs of life. He just narrowly avoids having his nose broken against James Potter’s chest as the man swoops around the corner, hands full of bowls of freshly cut up fruit. Regulus lets out an undignified yelp that he wouldn’t admit to in a court of law, but he likely won’t ever have to because the sound James makes in turn completely drowns him out.

When Regulus stumbles back and refocuses his vision, his brain makes note of two things in rapid succession; firstly, James Potter’s hair seems to be in a constant state of disarray, and secondly, James Potter is currently waltzing around his kitchen without a shirt on. 

Before he has time to chastise himself, he suddenly thinks breaking his skull against the planes of that chest might not have been the worst way to go.

“Oh- morning Reggie!” James greets, chipperly, as soon as he recognizes the man who bumped into him. His smile, even at this god awful hour in the morning, might genuinely be competing to outshine the sun. 

When sense finally returns to him, Regulus gathers all his strength to mutter something like "don’t call me that.” 

James only smiles. Either he doesn’t understand him or is just completely thrilled at the smallest things… like an infant… or a dog. Regulus rubs a hand over his face, mostly an attempt to hide his traitorous blush.

“What are you doing up this early?” he asks, redundantly. Evidently the man was making breakfast.

“I could ask you the same thing.” James hums as he sets a bowl of fruit down on the table. 

Regulus slowly takes in the sight of their often rather unremarkable dining table and how extravagantly it’s been prepared (well, extravagant in comparison to its usual blandness, so the bar is pretty low). It’s set up like the breakfast buffet they usually prepare in the guest dining room, with eleven plates stacked up on the corner to accommodate everyone who stayed over last night. Regulus wasn’t even aware they had that many plates for the house.

“I usually get up at this time.” Regulus mumbles as he helps himself to some fruit from the bowl. 

“Me too.” James says, like the fact really pleases him. “Footy practice would usually start around this time. Guess I never kicked the habit. Usually I just go for a morning run. Makes me feel productive, getting it out of the way first thing. Pete doesn’t share the sentiment so I let him sleep in.” he adds with a vague nodding gesture in the direction of the spare room he and the aforementioned man shared. Regulus hums even though James’ rambling does not interest him in the slightest. James seems to pick up on this because he quickly changes topics. “How’d you sleep?”

“Fine, I suppose…” he hums around the strawberry in his mouth. "You know, Andromeda’s gonna fuss all over you for all this.” he says, gesturing to the elaborate breakfast table. James waves a hand, blushing humbly as he walks over with a plate of bacon in hand.

“Just my way of saying thank you.” Regulus thinks it’s all a bit over the top but he shrugs and helps himself to a bacon strip. 

James sits down in the chair directly beside him with a groan that should pass from the lips of a much older, much more exhausted man, but Regulus can overlook this because James must have been on his feet for hours before now. Kreacher isn’t even here yet, the guest dining room isn’t even meant to open for another two hours and James has already made pancakes and crepes in addition to the mountains of bacon and eggs. Not to mention the fruit and jams and toast and cheese he’s laid out, seemingly just for the hell of it.

Really, Regulus should have been pissed that he was likely staring at the expanse of half a week's groceries laying out on the table for one meal but he can’t seem to find any fuel to stoke the fire when James is asking him; “Do you still like chocolate chips in your pancakes? He asks as he seems to already be plating them for the two of them. “I remember you used to.” he hums to himself.

“Sure.” Regulus replies.

He eats slowly and tries not to falter under James’ gaze as the man is clearly waiting for some sort of rate and review of his work. Eventually, Regulus meets his eyes, his mouth still full of breakfast pastry, but he nods approvingly and mumbles something that he hopes sounds like “it’s good.” And it must be intelligible because James visibly brightens.

“I’m glad you think so.” he says excitedly before turning to his own plate. 

They eat in relative silence for at least ten minutes before both of them have finished the pancakes James had plated for them. The stack that remains is still fairly substantial so Regulus figures it won’t be missed if he takes another one. He’s only conscious of what this says about what he really thinks about James’ skills in the kitchen when James laughs, amused, and Regulus’ ears burn. Neither of them say anything more, but heat bubbles in Regulus’ stomach as he can’t help but notice the smug little smile James is trying (and failing) to conceal.

“Don’t know if I’ll see you all off at the station.” Regulus says, breaking the silence. Even to his own ears, he sounds too genuinely regretful for his tastes. “I’ve got people booked with the horses so I’ve got to go with them…” He pointedly doesn’t risk a glance at James, lest he see that smile dim.

“Oh…” is all James says after a while. Then, he clears his throat. “Well, uh, no worries. You’re busy, I get it… Sirius’ll miss you though.” he has the audacity to add. Regulus bristles and straightens his back, all amiability in the air immediately being replaced with hostility.

“If Sirius cared so much, he wouldn’t be off gallivanting around America in the first place, would he?” Regulus spits as he gets up from the table. 

James’ mouth opens and closes like a fish and Regulus feels a sliver of pity. Deciding to spare the man now sitting speechless across from him, Regulus quickly thanks James for the food and begins to make his way to the front door. 

Just in time, it seems, as the footsteps and jovial voices of his brother and Remus come into earshot. Even with his back turned to the table, Regulus still feels everyone’s gaze briefly linger on him before Sirius is greeting James and praising him for the spread laid out on the table.

Regulus has his boots on and is out the door in seconds and is in the stables even faster. 

As he’s brushing out the horse's manes, absentmindedly, he distantly hears the sound of conversation and laughter. He takes cover behind the half opened door of the stables and tries to peer around it as discreetly as possible. He catches sight of Sirius’ friends who spent the night in the empty cabin. The girls all walk shoulder to shoulder, laughing with each other about whatever they find so funny this early in the morning. They seemed to glow with restfulness and Regulus’ heart clenches with envy. 

He returns to his work without alerting them to his presence and, before he knows it, the guests are excitedly pattering around the stables which makes the horses nervous and Regulus is suddenly reminded he has a job to do. Today, his guests consist of two little girls and their moms. Three of the four of them have experience with horses and these are decidedly Regulus' favourite bookings. Since he doesn't have to worry too much about the young girls –who make a point of telling him that they had six years of equestrian camp experience under their belts– he rides up front with their slightly more nervous mother. He assures her as many times as seems necessary that her horse is very calm and very reliable, as horses go.

"She won't spook easy." Regulus says over his shoulder as they come upon a narrow part of the trail. "Just keep yourself relaxed. She's more nervous because she can feel you tensing up." He says, keeping his voice soft to try and sound as non condescending as he can manage (he's been told sometimes it doesn't translate). The older woman takes a breath and, with some much more helpful encouragement from her wife and children, seems to be much more comfortable by the time they're rounding back behind the stables. Regulus already misses the sights and sounds of the little woodland patch just outside their property lines, but the smiles and laughs of the little girls as they thank him and beg him to help brush out the horses almost makes him smile and he goes about unsaddling the horses feeling less bitter than he usually felt after a ride. That was until a knock came at the stake doors and really who knocks at a stable ?

The horse blocking Regulus' view gave a huff and stomped his front hooves at the sudden intrusion and Regulus thinks ‘ this guy gets it’ . He gives the horse a soothing pat along his neck before peeking out to see who was there.

"We're about to head off. To the station, I mean." James hummed. His hands were tucked under his arms and his ankles were crossed under him so he was leaned up against the open stable door. Regulus nodded silently, turning back to the horse in front of him, petting gently along his snout to distract himself from James's… well, his general presence.

"That's nice." Is all he can bring himself to say. It comes out sounding unnecessarily rude and Regulus almost feels bad that James is here taking the brunt of it, but he's mostly angry that Sirius isn't the one standing in front of him.

"Andy said to come get you, whether you like it or not." James continues. "And before you say anything," he says, raising his hands defensively, "Sirius is taking the bike with Remus so you can just ride in the car with me and Pete." Regulus scowls because the last thing he needs is to be scolded like a child by James Potter. "Don't shoot the messenger!" James calls over his shoulder as he spins on his heel and trudges off down the gravel driveway. He seems to expect Regulus to follow him. Apparently even Regulus’ petty determination can’t derail him from the magnetic force that seems to pull him into James Potter’s orbit, so he follows behind, slowly and making sure to kick at the gravel loudly as he does.

Peter is already in the front seat when they get there so Regulus is forced to suffer the indignity of sitting silently in the back. Luckily for him, James and Peter weren’t particularly keen on talking so the sound of the radio allowed for a somewhat less excruciating journey. They only lived about ten or so minutes from the train station in town so really the ride wasn’t as excruciating as it could have been. Instead, Regulus manages to torture himself thinking about how the drive home is just the start of a long and winding road of endless hellscape. How is he supposed to just get on with it? Forget the ride home, how is he supposed to get through the next day ? The next week ? The next year ?

“Regulus?” Peter chirps from the front seat. Regulus turns his head, briefly meeting Peter’s eyes in the rearview. “We’re here.” 

Peter hops out and is already circling around to the boot of the car when James turns and gives Regulus a full look over his shoulder. Regulus’ eyes widen and his hand shoots out for the door handle. The click of the car lock had him tugging at the handle like a madman.

“Regulus, can we just…” James’ voice is so soft as he turns himself to face Regulus. Regulus stares at the dirt on the floor of the backseat to avoid James’ eyes, but he can feel them lingering on him; not a glare, not a pitying stare but… just looking, watching Regulus as though he were an agitated animal; both of them were waiting for the other to lash out at any sudden movement, as though only one of them would make it out of this cage.

James sighs when he has to make the first move. “I know it’s… it’s not really my place… but, whatever’s going on between you and Sirius…” Regulus feels his ears burn with anger, his nails digging into the warm leather of the seats. “It’s going to tear the two of you apart, and you’re both too proud to admit it, but I know-”

“What is it that you think you know, Potter?” Regulus snarls. He finally looks up at James to see the man frozen, eyes wide with shock so potent that it’s almost fear. “Let me tell you something. You don’t know anything about me. You were right about one thing, though… it’s not your fucking place.” Regulus turns as sharply as the minimal space inside James’ car will allow and begins tugging frantically at the door handle.

“Regulus, I just meant-”

“Let me out of the fucking car Potter I swear to god-”

The door flies open. Peter gives a yelp when it knocks over one of the luggage that he had taken out of the boot. Regulus grunts and stomps out and away from the scene as fast as possible. He only realizes that he has nowhere to go when in the parking spot directly next to them, Sirius is leaned up against his bike, Remus hanging off his shoulder, the two of them splitting a cigarette. 

Sirius makes eye contact with Regulus and suddenly the space between them feels far too small and yet, at the same time, they feel leagues apart.

Sirius grunts and makes a tossing motion towards Regulus. Something shiny and jangly flies through the air and lands at Regulus’ feet before he can reach out to catch the thing. 

Keys to the bike.

“Drive her home and don’t let anyone touch her ‘till I’m back.” Sirius grunts. He pushes off the bike and walks toward Regulus, who tenses up, keys now clenched tightly in his fist. He flinches for a moment, unsure what his brother could possibly have left to say to him. When he opens his eyes in the absence of sound or physical contact, he’s met face to face with Remus. He turns to see where Sirius went only to see him dragging luggage up to the station propper, following behind the girls with James and Peter. Andromeda and Ted are talking to someone in the ticket booth, presumably helping get everything sorted. Remus clears his throat and Regulus snaps out of it.

“Sirius tells me you’re going to be a vet.” the older man says, his voice a low rumble in his chest. It’s the first time they’ve spoken directly to each other and Regulus curses himself for not having made a plan of action in advance. Before he can formulate a response, Remus is talking again. “I’m sorry we didn’t get much of a chance to talk.”

“Don’t be.” Regulus mutters for lack of a better response. Remus only smiles.

“Well, I am.” he says, resolutely. “I think we’d’ve gotten on, you and I.” he goes on to declare like it’s a proven fact. Regulus scoffs and rolls his eyes; truly acting his age, he briefly thinks.

“Right, well, I’m sure Sirius will tell you what a horrible pest I am while you’re off on your world tour.” Regulus mutters as he begins subconsciously following Remus into the station where the rest of the group is. Remus only hums in acknowledgement, his lips quirking upwards as they walk the rest of the short distance in amicable silence.

At the platform, Andromeda has Lily and Mary wrapped in a hug and seems to be plotting course for Dorcas and Marlene next. Her smile is wide as she tells the two of them something that can’t be heard by Regulus over the general hustle and bustle of the train station, but sends them all into fits of giggles. Ted is hoisting luggage up to Peter who’s stood sort of halfway on the train. Regulus can see Sirius and James through the windows, continuing the supply chain of luggage, getting them sorted into their respective cabins. 

Regulus finds himself giving somewhat sincere goodbyes and well wishes despite having known most of these people all of twelve hours. Eventually, he’s next to Ted and Andromeda as they say goodbye to Sirius. He’s rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, eyes scanning the entire layout of the station in case he needs to make a break for it. 

Suddenly Sirius’ hand is on his shoulder and Regulus sucks in a breath.

He looks up at his brother, only for a second, but that’s enough time for the two of them to lock eyes. One might be fooled into thinking they were finally seeing each other. 

The twitch of Sirius’ mouth reaches the crinkle of his eyes and that just about does it for Regulus. He bites down hard on the inside of his lip, sucking down the scream that’s itching at his throat as Sirius pulls away and boards the train without a second glance.

James is still on the platform, despite the whistle blowing and the shouts from the conductor to get aboard.

“Going to miss your ride, Potter.” Regulus grunts, because his other option was a sniffle. How unbecoming. 

He doesn’t look up to see if James is looking at him (he knows he is; he can feel it), he doesn’t look up to see if James smiles at him one last time (he does).

James doesn’t reach out or step closer or do anything that would give him away now that Regulus is only looking at the space between their feet.

“We’ll take care of him… Make sure someone does that for you…” is all James says before he gets on the train before it begins to pull out of the station. 

Of course James Potter would just go ahead and say something like that, like it's nothing. Like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

The weight of the words hang above him, precariously, as he drives Sirius’ bike home, parks it in the shed and throws the dust cover over it. He feels them hanging over him as he helps Andromeda in the garden, feels them as he goes into town with Ted, feels them as he greets and calls and assists guests. Dinner is enveloped in their shadow and when the sun finally sets and the day is finally done, they weigh him down, only slightly –like hands pressing down on his shoulders– as he trudges up the stairs.

He goes about his routine, feeling only marginally heavier. That is, until he enters the hallway from the bathroom and sees Sirius’ door ajar. He scoffs and rolls his eyes, imagining that his brother must have packed in such a hurry that he probably left the room a mess in his rush to leave. He’s walking over to the room before he can think anything of it and finds himself stunned to stillness at the state of the place. It’s exactly the opposite of what he’d imagined. Really it’s almost spotless. Regulus’ brows knit together as he steps into the room, taking in the eerie air of… emptiness .

The posters on the wall and trinkets scattered about the shelves and desks and windowsill are the only things that he left. The drawers gape open; empty. The closet is bare, save the clothes hangers and dirty laundry strewn about the closet floor. The desk had been organised, leaving only a neat line of tin cigarette cases along the short side of the desk and old makeup in a see-through bag next to abandoned hair products tucked somewhat haphazardly into the corner. The picture frames on top of the dresser are relatively unassuming, but Regulus immediately takes notice of the empty frames laid on their fronts; pictures too precious to Sirius to be left behind. He picks up a, now bare, pink frilly frame that he vaguely recalled having a picture of him and Sirius, at much younger ages, in matching football jerseys and matching grins plastered on their faces. His fingers turn white against the frame and he lays it back down flat on the dresser before he cracks the glass.

To anyone else, he assumes this room would look almost perfectly normal and lived in, but to him it feels devoid of the livelihood that it once held. 

The bed is made, which is probably the most jarring thing of all. If Sirius had heard that Regulus had thought that, he’d probably take some mock offence just for an excuse to be dramatic, but it was the truth. Sirius ran around so often that he almost never made his bed, he was always on the move, always had somewhere or other to be, and he insisted he liked his bed to remain in “prime sleeping conditions” for when he got back. Regulus thought all of this while slowly lowering his head to the pillows and crawling under the blankets. 

Suddenly, the covers weighed a ton, the pressed Regulus down into the mattress, sucking him in and holding him down. 

Regulus didn’t cry that night, no matter how badly he wanted to, no matter how many tears pricked at the backs of his eyes. He didn’t cry that night. He slept soundly in his brother's bed, and went back to his room the next night.

Sirius’ bed stayed made after that. His door stayed closed and Regulus’ eyes stayed dry. He didn’t cry the first night, nor the next, nor the next after that. Tears wouldn’t be shed for Sirius, that would be ridiculous; he wasn’t dead, after all. 

So, all in all, quite a peaceful departure. Still, Regulus waits, anticipating when the storm will finally come. 

We’ll take care of him… Make sure someone does that for you… Regulus thinks about those words, thinks about his brother, and waits for everything to come crashing down. 

He waits the next three years for the weight of James Potter’s words to crush him, but it never comes.

Chapter Text

Front: Black and white photograph of a rainy day in London. A large crowd of people gather in a nondescript city square, faces obscured by umbrellas and motion of their feet blurring together.

Back: 

July 21st 

Dear Reggie, Andy and Ted

I told you I’d write! Wish we could text or something but we didn't wanna spend our "in case of emergencies" fund on the plan upgrade. I’ll try to write as often as possible. 

Writing this as we’re packing to leave London, so by the time you get it, I’ll probably be in Wales. (I put the address of where we’re staying at the end)

Everything’s great on this end. I forgot how much I love the city, being a regular old country boy and all. (You’ve ruined me)

Effie and Monty are writing you their own letter but they want me to tell you they say ‘hi’ anyways. 

The beach was so awesome! We should all come out here together some time! (I know you’re scared of the water, Reggie, but Moony Remus and Mary taught me to swim properly so now I can teach you! It’ll be great!) The museums were nice. Lily, Remus and Peter liked them more than the rest of us I think (this is what we get for taking NERDS on vacation), but we all managed to have fun somehow.

Anyways, not much to write about other than keeping my promise that I’d write. I’ll write more when something actually cool happens!

Having loads of fun though! So don’t worry about that. Miss you all. 

All my love, 

Sirius :P <3

Front: Vertical photo of the Eiffel Tower lit up against the night sky.  White printed text along the top reads, Paris.

Back:

August 9th

Dear Reggie, Andy and Ted

Bonjour from Paris!

These assholes really tricked me into coming here so they could force me to translate menus and street signs and shit for them. It really is a burden being so gifted and talented all the time.

Wales was fun, by the way. Remus’ mom is really sweet and I think she likes me loads! Remus’ dad… Well, he’ll warm up to me eventually. I’m really so charming so how could he resist?

We’ve only been in Paris a few days now. Lots more museums, which are fine and all, but also GREAT food, like really great. James has us signed up for a cooking class at some fancy ass restaurant, says he wants "something priceless to take home with him." He's so cringe, I love him. 

Basically we're all loving it. We've been going on walks at night a lot. It really is beautiful. I know everyone makes a big deal about the lights, and they’re nice and all, but I miss the stars. I only really noticed when I suggested we hit up a karaoke bar a few nights ago, but you can't really see them from the heart of the city. What I’m trying to say is light pollution is a piss poor substitute that capitalism uses to placate the masses and drive up tourist rates!

BUT, I digress, everything else is so cool! We’ve seen some French films which I don’t mind, even though I have to explain most of what happened afterwards. Even the typical touristy bullshit is actually kind of interesting. 

Tomorrow, we’re visiting some island that I can’t remember the name of for the life of me. Then we’re off to some fancy villa that Marlene’s parents came to on their honeymoon. Can't wait to remind her that her parents were probably shagging all over the place when we get there and make everyone massively uncomfortable!

How’s everything back home? Sorry I can’t give you a mailing address but I really have no idea where we’ll be staying at any given night and it changes so often. Just know I’m thinking about you all. 

All my love, 

Sirius :D <3

Front: Birds eye view angle photograph of a nondescript countryside villa, presumably located in Paris. Large, curly, red fort printed across the middle of the postcard reads, Bonjour!

Back: 

October 14th 

Dear Reggie, Andy and Ted

Sorry it’s been so long. I know I sent you those photos last month but I haven’t had time to sit down and write for a while. 

Anyways, everything’s been getting CRAZY busy and I haven't got enough room on this little postcard to write about it all. 

Speaking of, sorry if the writing’s sloppy. Lily’s yelling at me out the car window because I made her stop at the post office to write you all but we’re already on our way to the airport so now they’re all worried I’ve made them late. 

Write soon (from America!!!!!!!) Missing you guys. 

Love you lots!

Sirius <3

Front: An image of a rose pressed into a flat, generic greeting card in shimmery, gold ink. Name Regulus A. Black printed in the same ink underneath. 

Back:

November 3rd

Happy Birthday, Sirius. Enjoy America.

R. A. B. 

Front: Letters shrinking in size like a chart at an optometrist office, spelling out You still look 30 from a distance, printed in black legal font on a foldable card

Inside: 

December 23rd

HAPPY BIRTHDAY REGGIE!!!!!!!! 19 years already, I can’t believe it! So sorry I’m missing it but I hope you’re having a big party! Make sure Andy and Ted do whatever you want all day! (try to bargain for all week if you can! it worked for me once.) Missing you the mostest today little brother!!

Oh yeah, happy Christmas too, I suppose!

Lots and LOTS of love

Sirius <3 <3 <3

PS. I’m sending this with a parcel for your actual gift. (it’s californian wine, so SURPRISE!) 

PPS. The boys all asked to sign!!! (Miles away and you’ve still managed to steal their hearts  ):<  not cool!)

Happy birthday Rg- Regyou- Regulus! And merry Christmas! - P.  Pettigrew

Happy 19th Regulus. All the best (for the record, I told him to get a normal card, but he said this was funnier) - R. J. L. 

Happy birthday Reggie! Thinking abou Hope all’s well! Miss y   Love All the best! - James :)

Front: A printed 4x5 photograph of what can be assumed to be a New Years celebration. A blurred, pale hand cuts off the right edge of the photo, still managing to capture the scene. Sirius’ face is cut off by his own hand holding the camera; his eyes are almost shut with the way he’s smiling so widely. Peter’s face is in the crook of his shoulder, mouth open in a half-grin half-shout. On a couch only just behind them, Remus and James have themselves folded over, waving and holding up peace signs (respectively) to the camera. Silver marker has been used to date the photo in the corner: Jan. 1st, hotel warming party, NYC

Back: 

January 1st

Dear Reggie, Andy and Ted, 

Happy new year!

New years celebrations in America are CRAZY! We’re actually in New York so Wor Peter and James said we HAD to go to the ball drop. Did you guys watch? I think we got on telly! We were behind some blonde news reporter lady! It was crowded as hell and I don’t think any of us have had a hangover like we did this morning but it was amazing!

Everything in America is bigger and brighter and louder. It’s perfect. It’s a lot sometimes, but mostly it’s great. 

We’ve got a month in New York I think, then basically all of “New England”? That’s like Maine and Vermont and all those Hallmark movie states. After that, we’re going up north for “rodeo season” as Peter calls it. No fucking clue what he wants to see all that for but maybe it’ll be fun. We’ll probably hit the west coast at some point or another, California and all that, you know? Might be a while till I write again. We’re on the road and in motels for the next little while. 

I’ve sent some christmas gifts but the post says they might be backed up so I have no idea when/if you’ll ever see them. In case you don't, Ted, I hope you won't miss the cufflinks, Andy, I know you'll miss the snow globe set. Reggie, if that box set of Wilde classics never sees the light of day, well, just know I tried. (And if you end up seeing this letter before your gifts, we'll, sorry for the spoilers!)

Miss you guys. 

Love, 

Sirius. <3

Front: Greetings from Maine typed in bold, bubble letters over a scenic background; the letters spelling the state’s name used to display more sights. 

Back

March 10th

Dear Reggie, Andy and Ted

Found one of these retro postcards, see? I told you writing would be more fun! This is a real find! Classic Americana! Scoured half the state to find it so I better see it on the mantle when I get back!

Have you guys ever been skee skiing? Well I’ve gone now so, presumably, I’ve beat you! None of us had any idea how to ski but since we got up here last month we figured we’d try to learn. Moon  Remus just watched me on the bunny hills (don’t laugh, Regulus, that’s actually what they’re called) and we mostly just spent our time inside refilling our cocoa but James and Pete got really good! I’ve emailed Ted the videos -even the ones of me falling on my arse, just for you Reg (don't say I never do anything for you!)- and some more pictures from NY that I forgot to send, soz!

We’ve really gotten into the whole skiing spirit because we’re staying at this winter lodge place in the middle of the forest and it’s gorgeous! Almost reminds me of the cottages back home but covered in snow and the neighbouring lodges are far enough away that we can’t see their lights through the woods when it gets dark enough. That means we can see the start though. 

On the subject of stars, we’ve all sort of collectively taken up stargazing now. It’s kind of fun to just sit out there all together, like having a sleepover! Or being roommates again! Except we all take up significantly more room on the bed and we’ve got too many aches and pains to be lying on the ground for too long. Christ we're old...

I’ll write again soon. Miss hearing from you all.

- Sirius <3

Front: A photograph of an almost cartoonish looking train station with a Mickey Mouse grown into a flowerbed and red writing, helpfully reading, This Is Disneyland in the top right corner.

Back:

May 27th

Dear Reggie, Andy and Ted

GUESS WHERE I AM!!!!!!!!

As much as I love love LOVED New York, I think I might like California even more! I don’t think I’ve gone a day without being at the beach! God everything is WILD over here. Sometimes we’ll stay up so late at night that we don’t even realise it until we’re popping into the nearest iHOP for the next day's breakfast! This place is really, just wow! Like, I feel like if there was ever a city in my brain, it would look like Los Angeles. The boys love it here too. I think we actually might stay a bit longer! We checked and it turns out we budgeted so well this whole time we’ve got the money for it! For a few extra months, at least. (turns out it literally pays to have an accounting major as your travel buddy. God I love Peter)

Anyways, guess we’ll see each other a little later than expected. Promise to write still! You can’t get rid of  me that easily!

Talk soon!

Sirius 

Back: Plain white printing paper

July 17th

Regulus, Andromeda, Ted

I’m sorry in advance. I never thought I’d have to write a letter like this. I think it’s been a while since Sirius wrote to you last, but we’re still in California. Everything's been really crazy lately. Peter's taken to “apartment hunting” which seems a bit mad but we haven’t really talked about it yet.  Sorry, you’re probably really worried with the way I started this letter. 

Remus and Sirius are in the hospital. You didn’t get the call because I’m still listed as his emergency contact. I’m sorry. (I'll leave the number and address for the hospital and the hotel at the end)

Sirius, he passed out one night. He went out clubbing by himself which, I know, it was really stupid of us to let him go, but he was so   he insisted we were all having a bit of an off day and he said he needed some space. When he came back, he just passed out when he got in the front door. Alcohol poisoning, the doctors said and also a little   and just a bit  and something about pills, I'm not too sure. He got off lucky, apparently. I mean, losing oxygen in the brain caused him to faint but the doctor said no need to worry about his heart or liver, just needs to take it easy on the drink from now on. I’m so sorry I never should have let this happen. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I wanted you to know. Sirius was getting a bit tetchy, picking stupid fights with us all the time. Shouldn't have let him get so  I think LA might be getting to us. Sorry, that was ominous. I just mean, maybe we’ll take a break from this place, go somewhere else, somewhere quiet, once this all cools down. 

Remus had… something happened with his hip? I'm not really too sure, sorry, it's been quite hectic... He had a flare up on the stairs (while we were visiting Sirius, believe it or not) and fell, hit his head. We’re all with him right now, he’s awake and recovering nicely. The hospital called his parents and they’re trying to get down here, despite Remus insisting he’s fine. Apparently this is like “normal” for him? Whatever that means. Doesn’t make us any less nervous, I mean, how did we not know? After years, how did he even Either way, Hope and Lyall (that’s Remus’ mum and dad) insist on footing the hospital bill (for both of them) and Remus seems... fairly calm about it all, so really all’s going as smoothly as it can. 

Sirius and Remus are like especially shaken up. I mean, besides the obvious, but they’d been in a bit of a spat before this, a big one I think. I think now they’re both feeling a little guilty. 

Sirius is genuinely getting better everyday, I promise. He has enough energy to be a pest again, so he must be alright, right?  Remus is still having trouble getting up and about so we don’t really know how long he’ll be in here. I’m writing this while Pete’s walking around with him in the hallway actually, so he’s getting better everyday. Sirius is asleep. I think He’s been having a bit of a rough time of it too, adjusting or something. As much as he loves this place, I don’t think it’s… I’ll tell him I wrote you all. Sorry he doesn’t write as often anymore  I’ll be sure to keep you all updated when things change. 

On a lighter note, I think we’re all getting a bit homesick. Might be back sooner than we thought!

Sincerely, 

James 

Back: Plain white printing paper

July 28th

For Sirius, James, Remus and Peter

Sirius, Remus, we’re so so sorry we couldn’t be there for you. We’re sending all our love and keeping you in our hearts. Please get well soon. James, Peter, Remus, please make sure Sirius actually listens to the doctor’s advice. He has a habit of “forgetting” things like this the minute he’s back on his feet. We’ve enclosed a check, hopefully enough to pay for any medication either of them might need after (if the cost is higher, please let us know). 

I’m sure the four of you will work everything out. You’re all best friends, after all. One little fight doesn’t break up the band. 

Make sure you’re all taking care of yourselves and each other! Please don’t hesitate to call or write us again if you need anything, anything at all!

Love Andromeda, Ted and Regulus

Front: An image of a rose pressed into a flat, generic greeting card in shimmery, gold ink. Name Regulus A. Black printed in the same ink underneath. 

Back:

July 28th

Fuck you, you fucking idiot. Don’t you dare fucking die out there.

Thank James for the letter. 

Send my best to Remus (and my prayers to Peter. Lord knows he’ll need it, dealing with your sorry ass)

R. A. B. 

Back: Plain white printing paper

September 20th

Dear Reggie, Andy and Ted

Remus is all better now. He wanted to say thanks for the well wishes and the money. You really didn’t need to do all that. 

James told me about the letter. I guess I have been getting forgetful. Sorry. I haven’t forgotten about you guys, I swear! It’s just harder to find time to do things with all the bullshit everything that’s been going on. I’ve been  All of us are just  We’re   I think it’s been getting kind of tense over here. We’ve sort of been cooped up in the house for the last little while, going a bit stir crazy I think. I made them watch “The Shining” while we were in the hospital. They didn’t find humour in the irony. Oh well. Not everyone understands comedic genius I suppose. . 

Things are good. Everything's fine. I think things are getting better. I mean, I guess I never thought we’d spend all this time together and not go a little crazy at least. Wishful thinking, I suppose. I mean, we did it in school so I thought we’re all just having a hard time readjusting. Maybe we shouldn’t have tried to pretend… I think everything will work out though. We’re all sort of taking a break? Like, collectively? That sounds corny but it is what it is. We’re headed down Texas. Peter says there’s a ranch down there that’s also part bed and breakfast. (Remind you of anything?) Just going to hang out there for a while, wind down, you know?

I’ll be careful, I promise. You don’t need to worry anymore. I’m sorry. We’re all looking out for each other. It’s not going to get that bad again. Promise. 

Love, 

Sirius

Front: A photograph of a paddock with horses grazing, silhouetted by an orange and yellow sunset. Bold black text along the side reads Old Stone Ranch and Inn.

Back: 

October 1st 

Dear Reggie, Andy and Ted

Here’s the address of the place we’re staying now. We’ll be here two months which feels like the longest we’ve been in one place but I’m not too sure. You might think that this is the exact opposite of what we need but this place is HUGE so we’ve got room when we need a break, give each other a wide berth. Also, we’ve started planning our own activities, sort of. I say “sort of” because Mother Hen Potter has us committed to this "Buddy System" shit. So right now  James and Peter have gone off to another rodeo thing (can you believe Pete got James roped into that?) while Remus and I went on a little picnic. Then tomorrow Pete and Remus are hitting up the town while James and I go riding. 

Things are getting better, I think. Quieting down for sure. I’m not sure when we’ll go back to the city but I feel like it won’t be for a while. The boys, they think I’m too delicate they’re just looking out for me I guess. And each other. We’ll be okay. Everything will be fine. 

In other news, I don’t know if I’ve told you but we keep up with the girls. They write us pretty often actually. They said they might come visit us soon, so that’ll be nice. Something to look forward to. 

Write again soon. 

Love, 

Sirius

Front: An image of a rose pressed into a flat, generic greeting card in shimmery, gold ink. Initials R. A. B. printed in the same ink underneath.Back:

November 3rd 

Happy Birthday asshole

R. A. B.  

Front: large bold blue letters against a plain white background reads; Everyone should have a brother like you. Smaller print underneath in black reads; I don’t see why I should be the only one to suffer 

Inside: 

December 23rd

Happy Birthday baby brother! Missing you loads this year. Did you get the gift? If not, well, it’s a real cowboy hat! Surprise! Saw it and thought you’d hate it <3

How’s school? Last year of uni now, that’s mad! God, who let you get this grown up? Anyways, try not to miss me too much. I have no idea when we’ll be back home but we’ll be back in the UK… soon-ish. We'll most definitely be back on the same continent some time in the new year, I can promise you that! (America is really good at making people homesick I think) So, can’t say when we'll be back exactly but definitely soon! 

Oh, and Happy Christmas to everyone!

Lots of love,

Your favourite older brother <3

Happy birthday Reggie! Sirius summed it all up pretty well. Nothing more to report. Can't wait to be back home! All the best, James :) 

Hi Regulus, Happy Birthday. (Just because I know Sirius will forget to update you, everything's going well. He's doing better. For what it's worth, you don't need to worry) - R. J. L. 

Happy Christmas All! And happy birthday Regulus! - P. Pettigrew 

Front: Vertical, high contrast photo of the Empire State building and the surrounding streets at night. 

Back: 

January 1st

Dear Reggie, Andy and Ted

Happy New Year! 

Back in New York again. Figured we’d celebrate a full year in America the way we kicked it off. Well, that’s the last ball drop for us I think. You’ll never guess where we’re headed next… Go on, guess! ………

SWITZERLAND! Can you believe it? I mean, I have no idea what’s in Switzerland, really (other than Peter’s cousins apparently? (I’ll leave their address at the bottom)) but I’m excited anyway!

God, I LOVE travelling. Thank FUCK we went cheap on Walburga and Orion’s funerals and lucked out in the will, eh Reggie? There really is quite no other feeling like burning generational money as a means of "processing trauma", huh? Hey, why didn’t we think to burn money on therapy until we got into uni? We could have drained the family trust DRY between the two of us!

Well, anyways, all this aimless travelling is really refreshing. See, I say aimless not pointless because well, not to get sappy, but I think, all in all, this trip has been rather successful. Important, really. No one ever wants to hear about the soul searching shit but I think it was all worth it. 

Can’t wait to be back in Europe at least. I think I’ve had enough of America for a good long while. 

I’ll be home before you know it!

Love, 

Sirius

PS. Remus wants to say hi, i guess. 

Hello everyone. Just in case you were wondering, we didn’t drink. Really it’s been 4 months since any of us have gotten drunk at all. Sorry to end the letter on a bitter-sweet note, but Sirius has always been the entertainer - R. J. L. 

Back: Plain white printing paper

February 22nd

For Sirius, Remus, Peter and James

So glad to hear you boys will be so close again so soon. Say hello to your family for us Peter. 

We actually have some exciting news of our own for once!

I’ve enclosed some pictures but just for context sake in case you're reading the letter first, we’ll be having a baby joining our little family soon enough! 

(Regulus seems to feel it important that I let you know it is indeed Ted and I who are pregnant incase you misinterpreted and got the impression that it might be him having the baby, just in case that was unclear)

We’ve no idea the sex yet but the doctor assures us everything is going perfectly. It’s still very early (only about eight weeks now) but we go on regular visits just to be safe. 

Now, don’t you DARE come home any earlier. Believe me, I have all the help I can get over here, and Ted and Regulus have stressed and fussed enough for an entire pregnancy already, in my opinion (really you would think THEY were the pregnant ones). Either way, lord knows the last thing I need is a third mother hen hanging over my shoulder (I must admit though, getting waited on hand and foot is not entirely off putting. Dare I say I might even miss it? Maybe that’s just the spoiled-rotten Black genes being re-awoken in me) so please don’t derail your plans on my behalf. Trust that I’ll let you know if we need anything or if there’s anything to update you on. 

The baby is set to be born by September and I would love for the little one to meet her uncle as soon as possible. (if you were gunning for godfather, you’ll have to duke it out with Ted who immediately voluntold Arthur Weasley. The two of them have been friends for just over forever and you’re already outnumbered. I’d let him have this win if I were you. Besides, you’ll be influence enough living with her. Arthur’s got a few acres disadvantage)

Well, I suppose we’ll hear from you soon enough, but we can’t wait to see your face again. 

All our love, 

Andromeda, Ted and Regulus

Front: a just-barely realistic oil painting print of a small town surrounded by treetops on a backsplash of high mountaintops speckled with snow. 

Back:

March 18th

Dear Reggie, Andy and Ted

First of all, I’m writing you from Switzerland!

Second of all, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK??? PREGNANT?!?! My god, Andy, I can’t believe it! I’m absolutely thrilled for you both! I’ll be back the MINUTE that baby is born and you best believe I’ll be the BEST uncle EVER! (Sorry Reggie, I called dibs! Nothing wrong with being second best uncle ever, right?)

We’ve been in Switzerland just a few weeks now. We’re staying with Wormy Pete’s family, but now James is getting homesick. We might have to go pay his parents a visit first. For now, though, we’re brushing up on those skiing skills. Remus mostly spends the time while we’re skiing going around town with Pete’s cousins. They’re all tween girls (and they outnumber us by a significant margin, so there’s no getting out of it when they put their collective minds to something) so it’s a lot of dragging him around window shopping and having him sit in the chairs next to him while they’re in the chairs at the salons getting their nails and hair done up (at least, that’s what they did a few days ago. Remus got a matching set with one of them –Adriana, she’s fourteen– but they’re just press-ons. He’s scared the acrylics will rip the nails out of his fingers) 

Anyways, it’s been really great. They don’t tell you, but Switzerland is actually kind of… unconventionally romantic, I suppose. Remus and I go on walks and I’ll point out a really freaky looking castle and that will set Remus off on either an architecture-centric tangent or he’ll talk about literature based on the particular geography of the place we’re in. (I’m not complaining. I could listen to him talk for eons.)

Anyways, Peter’s aunt and uncle showed us this really cool record store the other day. I didn’t want to risk sending them by mail in case they got damaged, but I grabbed some for back home. (I remember packing Orion’s old record player away myself so I’ll dig it out of storage when I get back) Just because I can’t stand the suspense of a surprise myself, I’ll tell you what I’ve got. Some Stones for you Ted, for Andy, the Go-Gos and for Reggie, well, I hope you’re still into The Cure but if not I’m willing to “trade” my Dolly Parton. (I say write trade in quotations because really, we’re living in the same house, sharing the same record player, what’s the point of trading really?)

Write again soon!

Love, 

Sirius

Congratulations Andy and Ted (Sirius all but screamed our ears off when he heard the news) - R. J. L. 

CONGRATS ANDY AND TED!!! You’ll make the BEST parents, I KNOW it! All my love, James :) 

Congrats on the baby! Best wishes from everyone here in Switzerland! - P. Pettigrew 

Front: a printed photograph. A group of eight people against a backdrop of an up close angle of the Cathedral of Florence. A redheaded girl (Lily Evans) holds the camera out in one hand, the other holding onto her sunhat. A dark skinned woman (Mary Macdonald) has her lips pressed to the former’s cheek and is partially cut out from the photo. Behind them, the other six stand in a cluster. Two blonds (Peter Pettigrew and Merlene McKinnon) have their backs turned to the camera and seem to be gesturing wildly at the structure behind them. Two people in (unintentionally) matching flowy white button ups (Dorcas Meadowes and James Potter) seem to be engaged in conversation off the the furthest right of the camera’s view. The final two men (Remus Lupin and Sirius Black) have their arms thrown over each other's shoulders and seem to be the only others who have noticed the camera. In the corner, a sparkly silver marker has been used to date the photograph: May 14th, Florence, Italy

Back:

May 14th

Dear Reggie, Andy and Ted

I know this seems sudden and trust me, it was for me too, but we’re in Italy now! And by we, I mean ALL of us! Crazy, right? The whole gang back together again!

James woke us all up one night and next thing I knew, we were on a train for FOUR HOURS! I take a quick power-nap amidst what I could only assume was my being kidnapped and I wake up in FLORENCE! And not only that, but all the girls are waiting for us at the station! God, I love these people.

We’ve only been here a few days now but we’ve already got a lot of the touristy stuff out of the way. We’ve kind of been talking about where we’re going afterwards. All of us, I mean. Individually, which is a scary thing to think about. 

Well, James, Remus, Peter and I are all hitting London again to see James’ parents for a bit. Peter actually just dropped the news on us that he might go back to Switzerland! I mean wow! We didn’t even know he had family there until two months ago and now he’s moving there?!! What will happen to the Marauders without our Wormy? But I suppose we couldn’t have school boys forever. We got really lucky with all of us going to the same uni and all, but… Anyways, obviously we’ll stay in touch, it’s not like we’ll just stop talking to each other! Anyways, I’m trying not to think about it right now so… there’s that. 

Lily and Mary are thinking about seeing the Caribbean! I mean, it turns out they’ve been working in the last year, so they’ve still got the money for it. As for Marlene and Dorcas, bless their hearts, they’re just going up to Scotland. 

Still, everyone seems to be going so far away. Is it weird that James and Remus and I aren’t? I don’t  I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being left behind, or like I’m holding James and Remus back... BUT! Like I said, trying not to think about it. So that’s actually going great for me!

How’s everything at home? How’s Andy holding up? Still a ways to go with the pregnancy, right? I’ll be back by September, just hold on Andy! Don’t have that kid without me! Tell them to wait for uncle Sirius and I’ll give them lots and lots of presents if they listen!

Love, 

Sirius

Front: a cartoon drawing of a graduation cap with a caption reading; Fucking finally!

Inside:

June 16th

CONGRATULATIONS BABY BROTHER! 

You've done it!!!! Piece of cake, right? I mean if both of us can make it out of there, dare I say they’re making it TOO easy!

Anyways, suppose it’s a shame they’re not naming any buildings after you; lord knows you’d deserve it! Really, I’ve never met a more dedicated, hard working person in my life (yes, I’m being genuine you dick, I am capable of it).

Honestly Reg, I’m so proud of you! My little brother, Dr. Regulus Arcturus Black BVSc!!! Damn that looks GREAT on paper! Always knew you could do it Reggie. Missing you loads. Have an amazing graduation. 

Love you loads,  

Sirius <33

PS. PLEASE, for the sake of your dear old brother, go out with your friends and celebrate like a real twenty-something year old, huh?

Congratulations Regulus, you must be very proud of yourself. Enjoy your big day - R. J. L. 

Way to go Reg! Hope you have an awesome graduation! - P. Pettigrew

DOCTOR REGULUS BLACK YOU GENIUS! God, Reggie, really, I’d take Sirius’ advice (hear me out) go celebrate the SHIT out of tonight! You deserve it, truly! All the best (truly, truly, TRULY) - James :) 

Front: a coloured photograph of an ordinary London street on a sunny day. 

Back: 

July 20th

Dear Reggie, Andy and Ted

Told you I’d be back in London before you knew it!

We’re staying with the Potters again. They promise we’re no trouble but we still try to be as low maintenance as possible. We’ve been cooking the entire time we’ve been here and I’ve actually come to enjoy the domesticity and routine that comes with running casual errands again... Actually, forget I told you that. I’ve been so spoiled by vacation life that I don’t think I’ll ever do another chore as long as I live, actually!

Anyways, we’ll just be here a while I think. I can’t wait to be home. Missing you more every day. 

All my love, 

Sirius 

PS. I’ve let Effie and Monty know the good news so for the last few days we’ve spent at least 10 hours shopping for baby stuff. Don’t think we’ll stop the tradition of spoiling the Black children rotten just yet. If all goes as planned, they’ll be unbearably prissy and generally despicable >:) <3

September 1st

Voicemail: [Voice - Euphemia Potter] Thank you for phoning the Potter's residence. Unfortunately, we’re unable to pick up the phone right now, but please leave us a message and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible. [Voice - (very young) James Potter] -Beep-

One new message at  8:14 PM: [Voice - Regulus Black] Sirius- fuck, Sirius, she went into labor early! Get [incoherent] ass to the hospital! [pause, incoherent] Yeah, coming! [slam] I have to- [shuffling] [Voice - Andromeda Black] Hello Sirius! Don’t worry darling, everyone’s- Ah! Uh, haha, we’re all a bit nervous but everything is fine. All going according to plan- [incoherent, shuffling noises] [Voice - Regulus Black] Get over here... Now! –end of message–

---

Voicemail: [Voice - Regulus Black] Please, um... leave a message... after the tone. I'll, uh, return your call... eventually... -Beep-

One new message at 8:30 PM: [incoherent, shuffling noises, overlapping voices] [Voice - Euphemia Potter] Andromeda! Oh, congratulations darling! [shuffling] [Voice - James Potter] She’s not on the phone, mum! [Voice - Euphemia Potter] Yes, I know that dear, I just thought I’d say it anyway to be polite. [incoherent, shuffling] [Voice - Sirius Black] Reggie! I’m on the way! We’re at the station now! The- [train whistle blowing, incoherent shouting] shit, okay the trains pulling out, I’ll be there Reggie! I promi-   –end of message–

Chapter Text

The day of Nymphadora’s birthday wasn’t notable in the slightest. 

Regulus had agreed to spend the early morning running errands with Barty and Evan, which slowly bled into an early afternoon of day drinking and reality TV watching and “adult” colouring to wind down. It was technically his “day off” –Andromeda had been insistent that he take at least two per month– but the lack of productivity was starting to make his skin tingle. 

When he returned home, he rushed through his chores to make up for lost time, rushing in and around the stables, helping Ted out with the muck spreading, helping Andromeda with lunch, then heading out to the cabins and spending the last of his work hours cleaning until he heard Leo come barking, like the proper creature of habit he was (probably why Regulus got on so well with him), to tell Regulus it was dinner time.  

Regulus had found the large black dog only months after Sirius had left, and he had integrated himself fairly well into his everyday routine. Every evening, Leo would bound down the gravel road and stand in the middle of the U-shaped courtyard surrounded by the cabins and wait for Regulus to emerge. Usually, if there were children staying with them, Regulus would come out to see Leo running around the yard, little feet following close behind him, shrieking joyously, grabby hands outstretched towards the big mutt. 

Regulus would get back on the dirt bike and call Leo over. The dog would run up ahead of the bike, in what the silly thing probably thought was a race, and the two of them would reach the barn in due time. Leo would hop around and yip victoriously at Regulus when he came in first place. Regulus would park the bike and give Leo a good-natured pat on the head as the dog followed him into the house. 

Arthur and Molly Weasley were over more nights than not nowadays, with their own little boys, Bill and Charlie, so dinner would usually be taken care of by the time he got in. The four of them lived on the neighbouring farm and the families were quite close, but their properties were considerably large so there was still more distance between the two than Molly would have liked in times like these when she would insist on making dinner for Andromeda as often as possible. 

Andromeda, in turn, insisted she bring her whole family along with her, even though Bill and Charlie could only be said to be pests on the best of days. Pregnancy must be turning her soft, Regulus would think when he would come home and see her sitting on the couch with the two of them at her side watching nonsensical cartoons on the telly. 

Either way, his bafflement at the sight of his cousin with those little gremlins would wean off the minute Molly had the main course of dinner laid out on table and he was effectively disarmed by the mouth watering smells. 

Regulus would thank Molly and Arthur for dinner and help set the table (it was new. Their old table was perfect for three or four people, but it just wouldn’t cut it anymore), he’d turn on the radio and then the seven of them would sit around the table and talk and laugh and everyone would sneak little morsels of their dinner to Leo under the table. 

Regulus would eventually rope the child-demons into helping him with the dishes when dinner was over, which they did with considerably disgruntled attitudes. He was sure Molly and Arthur would thank him when their children didn’t turn out to be mannerless mongrels. 

The night would end and Arthur and Molly would carry the boys back into the car and drive back up to their house. Regulus would see them out and take Leo out for a final walk. While he was out there, he’d check the mail. Usually nothing anymore, so he’d go back in and head up to bed. 

By the time he was washed and changed, Leo was asleep on his doggie bed in the corner of Regulus’ room, long black fur sprawled out across the floor where his body hung off the dog bed, tail thumping against the wood at the sound of Regulus entering the room. Regulus would fall asleep to the sound of dog snores within the hour, if he was lucky. 

Well, that was what happened most days, anyway. 

That night, Molly and Arthur and Bill and Charlie were over that night, as per usual, and they were only about halfway through their dinner when Andromeda excused herself to go to the bathroom. 

She was only just around the corner when she stuttered out a distressed call for Molly. The only thing that the red haired woman had to say in response was; “I think it’s time Ted.” 

After that, things happened in a blur. He vaguely remembers picking up a phone before he was suddenly in the car. He could hear Leo’s panicked bark from inside the house as they pulled away, Weasleys following suit in their own truck. Andromeda and Ted were in the back, her laboured breathing and his not all that calming words of affirmation the soundtrack to their ride to the hospital. Andromeda assured him that this was all very normal, that everything was going to plan. 

“Nothings wrong with being a day or so ahead of schedule.” Andromeda would huff out between deep breaths. “I’ve always said, if you’re early you’re on time and if you’re on time you’re late. This kid must be mine after all.” she laughed hysterically. Regulus gritted his teeth in sympathy and general concern.

Pulling into the hospital and parking is unremarkable at best and all Regulus remembers of getting inside is Ted yelling at some poor reception lady and Molly and Andromeda making excuses and apologies for him. Regulus sees Andromeda seated in the wheelchair and says his goodbyes and geoduck's before promptly collapsing into a hard, plastic chair in the waiting room.

 Ted’s with Andy, and Sirius is God knows where, so Regulus is left with the Weasley's in the waiting room, pacing furious circles under the mocking fluorescent light.

He’s silent for a long time, his foot tapping restlessly against the linoleum floor, eyes periodically drifting to the news report on the television across from him to check the time. Arthur has, mercifully, taken Bill and Charlie down to get a little late night treat from the cafeteria and Molly takes the seat next to him. She places her hand gingerly on his bouncing knee and laughs, but not unkindly.

“Andy’s always been a tough one. She’ll be just fine, love. The doctors know what they’re doing, she’s got all the help she needs. Everything’ll be just fine, you’ll see.” she hums in that natural motherly way of hers. He briefly wonders if she always knew she was going to be a mother. Did Andromeda? He didn’t even know how he felt about being an uncle, let alone…

He just nods desperately at the floor, feeling all the more restless despite it all. 

Ten minutes pass before his legs stop fidgeting. Another twenty when Arthur and the boys return from the cafeteria, their arms full-a plunder. Molly narrows her gaze at her husband and he just shrugs as he rips open a pack of sweets for an especially hyper Charlie. 

Bill sits next to Regulus, oddly quiet. Regulus notices the little boy look up at his dad who nods quickly at him and, suddenly, little Bill is pressing a warm drink into Regulus’ hands. Regulus opens his mouth to say something, but the boy is already scurrying away to chase his brother down the hallway. Regulus sips the hot chocolate, thoughtfully. 

Another thirty minutes pass before Regulus has to get up and pace around the floor again. The waiting room has cleared a bit. There were two other families in here, prior to them, but in both cases, a joyful new father had rushed out, declaring “it’s a boy!” both times, and soon after that the crowd would disappear from the waiting room. Regulus paced back and forth and back and forth in front of Molly and Arthur (Bill and Charlie had crashed ages ago and were currently piled into one chair together beside their mum). 

“Regulus. Sit.” Molly sighed. “You’re making me dizzy.” 

“It’s been an hour.” he notes, as though he hadn’t heard her. “Does it usually take this long?” Both Molly and Arthur laughed. 

“Oh, you’ve no idea lad.” Arthur chuckled. 

“Aren’t you a doctor, Regulus?” Molly inquired. “You should know.”

“I’m an animal doctor. Cows and dogs and things.” Regulus scoffs. “If Andy grew two more legs and a tail, they’d let me deliver the baby myself! It’s not the same! Andy’s not a dog!” 

They laugh again, but ultimately fall silent. 

Another ten minutes pass, no sign of any doctors which must be a good thing, but no sign of Ted either which puts Regulus on edge. Suddenly, a woman is calling out his name. 

“Is there a… Regulus…Arcturus… Black?” she says, chewing up and spitting out each syllable with an unfamiliar harshness.

“Yes! Yes, that’s me!” he nearly trips over his feet to reach her at the desk. She gives him an unimpressed look. 

“There’s a phone call for you.” She hands him the receiver through the small slot in the glass. He grabs for the phone, hastily and presses it to his ear. Before he can say anything, the muffle sound from the phone is making its way to his ears. 

“-llo? Hello? What the fuck! Put me on with my brother you-”

“Sirius.” Regulus says. Or, he thinks he says, at least. If he made any noise at all, it couldn’t have been over a whisper because the voice on the other end keeps talking. 

“Well shit. Prongs, find some more change, I’ll just-”

“Sirius!” He shapes his mouth around the name and calls out and holds his breath. This time he’s sure he says something.

“Regulus?” Sirius answers. There’s a sharp, disbelieving laugh that rings out from the phone. “Reggie! Ha! No, James, I got a hold of him! Oh my god, is everything alright? Is Andy still-”

“Still in labour. She's been in there for over an hour now.” Regulus replies, as if he’s on auto-pilot. He doesn’t have the time or mental capacity to say all the important things he thought he would get to say when he spoke to Sirius again. 

“God, she’s a trooper.” Sirius sighs, obviously ignorant to Regulus’ distress. “Listen, Reggie, there’s a hold up with the trains. We’re stuck in Cambridge and I have no idea how long we’ll be here. Remus is calling around for a cab but it’s not looking good.” Sirius informs him, regretfully. And what is Regulus supposed to say to that, really? He’s not about to start shouting into the hospital phone in front of hospital patrons and staff. 

So all he says is; “It’s… fine… Nothing to be done here anyways.” and he leaves it at that. 

“Right, well, I’ll give you a ring when we get down to the station-”

“Call Arthur. He’s got his mobile on him.”

“Right. Well, uh, suppose that’s all then…” the long pause that follows leaves a dry feeling in Regulus’ mouth. “Um, so, just… call me when something happens, I guess…”

“Right.”

“Yeah, and uh… Oh! How’ve you been, any-”

“I think I should give the phone back now, Sirius.” Regulus cringes. 

“Oh, uh, sure…” Sirius mutters from his end. “Well, I’ll just… see you then…”

“Yup. Bye.” is all Regulus squeaks out before returning the receiver to the woman at the desk and retreating to Molly and Arthur in the waiting room proper. He fills them in on the phone call, to which they seem utterly pleased. 

As he catches them up, he glances at Bill and Charlie, piled up on top of each other like puppies in a litter. He momentarily wonders if they’ve fought like him and Sirius yet, if they ever will. He wonders why being brothers looks so easy for them, but Regulus and Sirius had been at their most amicable every time they’ve been apart. 

“Well, I suppose I’ll be the one to pick them up, should they arrive sooner than expected.” Arthur offers when Regulus finishes explaining what Sirius had said over the phone. “Andy will need the two of you more than me.”

“Well, it sounds like we won’t have to worry about that for a while now dear.” Molly assures with a pat on the arm. “Why, if anything-” and she’s just about to go off on a tangent, but the sound of doors slamming open sends them all jolting upright.

Ted stands in the middle of the doorway, beaming like the sun itself in spite of the sheets of late-night rain pounding on the windows on every side of the hospital.

Regulus stands at attention, the blood seeming to rush out of his body the minute he hears Ted say; “It’s a girl.” 

There’s a sudden flurry of movement as Regulus is dashing madly after Ted through a series of long hallways. One might assume the two were off their heads the way they were skidding around corners and laughing heartily the whole way. Molly and Arthur followed at a much more respectable pace, boys in arms, but eventually they all reach Andromeda’s room. 

There are a whole handful of nurses surrounding what Regulus can only assume is the baby’s incubator. Andromeda is peacefully asleep on the bed in the middle of the room, her face glistening with sweat, her eyes softly shut. 

A doctor calls out for “dad” and Arthur looks up only a split second before Ted does. “Dad” (Ted) is called to follow the nurses out of the room as they take the baby in for some regular checkups and sorting of files. 

Regulus sits at Andromeda’s bedside, back to the nervous tapping of his foot against the linoleum, and lets the reality of everything hit  him. 

“Andromeda and Ted” are “mum and dad” now. Sirius is an uncle. He’s an uncle. How did that even… How does one even begin to go about being an uncle? He barely knows how to be a… cousin, a friend, a brother. Now there's this new little person in the world who will, at some point, look up to him, who will need him to guide them and impart wisdom on them and love them. What could he ever hope to give them? 

He remembers, vaguely, having an uncle of his own. He tries to call the memories of Alphard to mind. All he can really see are flashes of dinners in that magical little house that was so far from Grimmauld Place; he remembers flashes of trips to the beach on a slightly overcast day; he remembers a warm voice lulling him to sleep with a bedtime story; he remembers finding an invitation to a funeral tucked into his father’s desk drawer, two years too late. 

Sirius and Andromeda probably remember more about uncle Alphard than he ever will. Is he even qualified to be an uncle? It’s a ridiculous question, but it seems vital at the moment. 

Being a Black meant being a part of something bigger than yourself. You were a name on a family tree of labyrinthian complexity; a pawn in a never-ending, elaborate game of chess; you weren’t just a part of a legacy, you were legacy. That’s what family meant for the first 12 years of his life. 

It means nothing now, he knows that, rationally, but where does that leave him? Twenty-four years old and still untethered within his own family. 

Not to mention the fact that he barely figured out what to do with himself. How could he ever plan to be something for someone else? What could he possibly give this child? What happens when he royally fucks it all up? Who’s there to run away with him then?

“You’re thinking awfully loud over there.” Andromeda whispers from her bed. “Did you see her?” she asks, sounding uncharacteristically soft. “Did you see my beautiful little girl?” Regulus shakes his head, but Andromeda isn’t looking at him, she just hums delightedly. “She’s wonderful. She’s so perfect, Reggie…” her voice is trembling, and so is her hand, so Regulus reaches out to hold it. 

“Gets it from her mum.” Molly pipes up from the other side of the bed, wiping the sweat-drenched hair from her forehead. 

Andromeda tries to laugh, softly, her voice still ragged from strain. “And don’t let her forget it.” She leans into Molly’s touch like a contented house cat. 

“Ted’s with her and the doctors now.” Molly says, soothingly. “Just routine checkups. Weight, height, all that. Go back to sleep for now dear.” And Andromeda does, but only for another ten minutes before Ted returns with a nurse who carried a newly swaddled baby in his arms. 

The poor thing is crying, Regulus notes, and his brow furrows. The nurse brings the baby over to the incubator that had been rolled next to “mum”. He says something about the baby being completely healthy but Regulus is already transfixed by her little wrinkled face. 

“Did you all have a name in mind already?” he asks, curiously. Andromeda smiles softly, hand never leaving the little girl’s side in the incubator. 

“Nymphadora.” Andromeda says, seriously. Regulus has to laugh, just a bit. That earns him a glare from his cousin. “What’s so funny, Regulus Arcturus ?” she says, pointedly. 

“Nothing, Andromeda Vinda .” he quips, lightheartedly. “The Black family curse strikes again. Poor thing.” he tuts, earning a laugh from the room. 

The rest of the night passes with relative ease. 

Bill and Charlie each have their turn being hoisted up to peer over Nymphadora as she sleeps, curious at this potential new playmate, before promptly falling asleep on top of their dad in the chair in the far corner. 

Andromeda has Molly change the temperature of the room twice so that the heat is less of a bother. When it’s cool enough, she finally lets Ted up into bed with her, the two of them squeezed together, watching after their baby. When another nurse comes along to offer more painkiller or sleep medication, Andromeda takes as many of both as the nurse will allow and then asks to hold the baby again. 

Little Nymphadora cries again at being stirred from her sleep, but quickly settles when set in between her parents. 

It was completely surreal.

 Regulus admittedly doesn’t have much to compare it to, being the youngest of his family and all. He had never had a baby sibling or cousin to hold –at least, he never met any and he could only hope to god that that meant Blacks across the nation had decided to bless the world by stopping their efforts to procreate. Other than that, well… he was there when the Weasley boys were brought home, but this was distinctly different. 

Everything was captivating. Regulus’ chest swelled with emotions he had no idea what to do with. 

Regulus never really realised how small babies were until just then. Still, the whole world seems to be curled up inside that little plastic box. 

At some point, someone was asking him; “Do you want to hold her?” 

He almost laughs, really, but then he notices the sincerity of Ted’s smile and the quick nod of Andromeda’s head as her husband scoops up the sleeping baby and slowly hands her over to Regulus. Molly is at his side in a second, holding his arms firmly by the elbows, telling him where to support her from. He feels like he’s shaking the minute she’s in his arms, but he knows he isn’t because she remains perfectly quiet. 

There’s a moment where he looks down at her and everything he wants to say is just on the tip of his tongue. Then he loses it completely. His mouth hangs open, it feels like he should say something, but he doesn’t. He just holds her, and she doesn’t stir or cry or make any noise at all. 

He can feel the full warmth of the room at that moment. The love, he supposes.

He can’t help but selfishly wonder if it had been like this when he was born. It's an odd thing to think about, really, but he can't help himself. It doesn't do much good; he can hardly imagine there were this many people there for him, and Walburga and Orion never exactly radiated warmth. 

Still, maybe just in the first few minutes they might have. For whatever purpose they thought Regulus might serve in ‘the grand scheme of things’ , maybe it had been enough for them, in the beginning, to just hold him like this. 

Well, it was nice to imagine anyways. 

He thinks, as he hands her back to Ted and Andromeda, that he won't let her down, his faults won't ever reach her, he won't let them. He'd like to promise it out loud, but he knows better than that. 

Everyone is asleep before long, even Regulus dozes off for a few minutes. A doctor comes around to "check on mum and the baby" in the late hours of the night. While he's there, he informs them of the overnight visitor procedure. 

"Dad can stay," he says, "But the rest of you can come back round as early as six in the morning if you'd like." 

Regulus is about to protest; he doesn't want to go home without Andromeda or Ted or Nymphadora. Andromeda clearly notes his distress and immediately assures him it's alright, that he can come back first thing and they can spend all day tomorrow together again. Just as Regulus is about to speak, Arthur makes a startled noise. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and, upon checking the screen, hands it to Regulus. 

"It's your brother." He says. 

Andromeda perks up. Molly fills both her and Ted in on the earlier phone call as Regulus snatches up the phone and trudges into the hallway. 

"What?" He hisses into the receiver because where the hell was that pompous fucking arsehole? He had missed it. He missed everything.

"Arthur?" Sirius' voice calls back.

"Try younger." 

"Reggie! Has it happened yet? God, it must have! It's been ages! If not, well, Jesus fucking Christ, I'd've-"

"Sirius, it happened." Regulus grits out. "It's a girl." 

A chorus of shrieks and coos come from the other line. Regulus distinctly hears James shout a faint congratulations before Sirius starts talking over the rest of them. 

"What's her name?"

"Nymphadora Tonks." Regulus says. There's a pause, like Sirius is waiting for the punchline.

"Bloody hell… Not Ted's idea, I suppose." Regulus shrugs, forgetting Sirius isn't actually there. "No matter, I already love her in spite of it. Just another victim of the Black Curse, eh?" 

"When are you getting here?" Regulus asks, impatiently.

"Oh, yeah, I meant to say, we're at the station already! It's raining fucking hard though, no chance of catching a cab in this weather. Could, uh, someone come and maybe-"

"Fine." Regulus bristles. "Arthur will come down. I'll send him over now."

"Perfect! Thanks Reggi-" Regulus cuts the line. He takes a calming breath before re-entering the room. 

Everyone remaining, looks at him expectantly. He recounts, in rather vague detail, what Sirius had said. With it all said and done, Arthur is already up on his feet, ready to get back in the truck and head down to the station when Andromeda protests. 

"No, no! Arthur, Molly, go home, get the boys in bed." She insists. "Reggie, you have to go home now too, might as well take Sirius and his friends back on your way."  

“Take them back?” Regulus says through his teeth.

“Yes! Well, they’re staying round the house, said they want to help out with the baby last we spoke on the phone.” she says, far too calmly. “I did tell you, didn’t I?”

She's baiting him, he can feel it, but he won't let his bitterness seep through. Not into this room.

Goodnight is said within minutes between himself and his cousins, the same goes for himself and the Weasleys in the parking lot. He drives through the onslaught of rain, white knuckles gripped around the steering wheel, shoulders heaving with deep breaths as he approaches the train station. 

He briefly thinks about what it will be like seeing Sirius again. He doesn’t expect him to have changed much, really, because how much does someone change between the ages of twenty-one and twenty-five? He eyes himself, for a split second, in the rearview mirror and thinks he hasn’t changed much, has he? So, when he sees Sirius, they’ll probably both look the same way they always have, greet each other civilly and he’ll listen to Sirius talk the whole way home and then some. Just like they always have. 

He scans the outer walls of the station for any signs of his brother as he pulls up. Much to his dismay, the only recognisable figure he can spot, under a solitary lamp, surrounded by a considerably large pile of luggage, is one James Potter, seemingly soaked to the bone, fiddling with a small lighter. Regulus huffs bitterly and honks the horn. From outside his window, he sees James pocket the lighter and their eyes meet through a sheet of downpouring rain. 

Regulus fobs open the boot of the car, the only indication to James that he is, in fact, there to pick him up, and grips the wheel so tightly, as if it were the only thing anchoring him to the car, the only thing stopping him from walking out into the rain to meet him. 

James perks up considerably and he begins to wrestle one of the suitcases into his grip. It takes him far too long to get their luggage stuffed into the back of the car and Regulus almost considers going out and helping him, but that’s when he notices Sirius and Remus waving at the two of them from the station. Sirius ends up helping James with the last of the cases while Remus slips into the back of the car. 

“Hey Regulus.” he huffs, pulling his jacket over his already cozy looking sweater in attempts to fend off the September chill, holding a cane upright between his knees. 

“Hi.” Regulus says, awkwardly. He tries to make small talk, for whatever reason. “How was… uh, the trip?” Remus raises an eyebrow, a cheeky smile playing on his lips. 

“The whole trip?” he asks in a tone that Regulus can’t interpret. 

“Uh, just… was it fun?” he clarifies, for all the good it does him. 

“Yeah, yeah, it really was.” Remus says, earnestly. “How's Andy and Ted? Oh, and the baby too, I suppose?”

“They’re all, yeah, they’re good.” he says, almost hesitantly. “Andy has to stay at the hospital another night and visiting hours just ended so you’ll get to meet the baby tomorrow, I suppose.”

“Oh, don’t tell Sirius that. He’ll be gutted.” Remus sighs, and with that, Sirius is barreling into the front seat of the car. 

He gives a shout that might be Regulus’ name, but he can’t be sure because he’s suddenly distracted by the way Sirius is shaking the rain off his hair like a dog. 

So, despite all the things he still wants to say to his brother, despite the little script he had hastily prepared his head on the way over, despite all the little things that have changed that he wants to point out, the first thing he says to his brother, face to face, for the first time in three years, ends up being; 

“Fuck Sirius, if you’re going to shake like a mutt, sit in the back seat like one.” Regulus regrets it almost immediately, but Sirius laughs it off. 

He slaps his hand on Regulus’ shoulder and leans back into the passenger seat. Regulus briefly glimpses James settling down in the back seat beside Remus as Sirius says; 

“Oh, Reggie, glad to see you’ve not lost that charming sense of humour.” Regulus scoffs as he pulls out of the station. 

Sirius –ever out of his element in the presence of a moment's silence– immediately reaches for the radio, turning the volume down considerably, leaving room to fill the car with idle chatter. Despite his distaste for the stuff, Regulus indulges him, nonetheless. 

“How was Italy?” he asks no one in particular. 

“Hot as balls.” is Remus’ response. 

“Terribly romantic.” Sirius sighs, throwing a dreamy look over his shoulder. 

“It was gorgeous.” James pipes up as well and Regulus thinks he might tolerate his conversation over his brothers.

“So I’ve heard.” he hums idly, pulling into the part of the road that only leads to their house. “Did you visit the Uffizi?” This caught Remus’ full attention. 

“Yeah, actually. It was incredible, we spent almost the whole day there!” he says, as excited as Regulus has ever heard him. “I’ve got the pictures on my camera. I haven’t had the chance to upload them to my laptop yet but I’ll show you once they’re all on there.” Regulus smiles, hoping Remus can see it in the rearview mirror. 

“It was incredible.” James sighs, thoughtfully. Without turning at all, Regulus can imagine him with his head lolled back, gazing longingly out the window like he’s in a dramatic music video.” “Everything was just… it’s hard to put into words, you know? It’s like completely larger than life… Hard to believe it was real…” Regulus isn’t sure if James is asking him specifically but he nods anyway. 

“I’m sure.” he says as he parks the car. He almost says something about how he’s always wanted to go to Florence, but he knows that makes him sound as bitter as he is so he decides against it. 

With three pairs of hands and less of an onslaught of rain, it’s much easier getting the suitcases out than it seemed to be getting them in. Regulus hands his keys to Remus who helpfully unlocks the door. 

Before any of them can get a foot in the house, a big black comet of fur dashes out, barking madly, weaving in and out of their legs, excitedly. All of them, except Regulus, make a noise that is part coo part gasp. 

Sirius (of course) is the first to let his bags drop to the ground in favour of scratching and petting the beast. Leo takes this in stride, tail wagging feverishly, tongue lolled out from exhaustion at the overexcitement. 

“Who is this? ” Sirius asks in that voice that people all use on their pets and therefore pretend is not embarrassing. 

“Leo, Sirius. Sirius, this is Leo.” Regulus says, dully, dragging the suitcase in his hand into the house. “He’s a stray. He lives here now.” Sirius laughs. 

“Oh, he’s just the cutest thing, isn’t he?”

“Was a stray.” is what James mutters, probably thinking no one will hear him. 

“What?” Regulus whips around. James nearly trips over the suitcase he has halfway in the house. 

“Just… you said he is a stray. But he lives here now, so he was a stray.” he says, matter of factly. He adds a shrug for good measure which almost makes Regulus laugh for whatever reason. 

“Sure James, he was a stray.” Regulus concedes, trying not to think about the way the name on his tongue makes his cheeks go warm. “What he is , is in need of a bath now, so if we could all get inside?”

Eventually, all five of them (that’s five if you’re counting Leo) make it back into the house, get washed up and dried off. Regulus is the first in and out of the shower. He passes Sirius on the stairs as he heads back down. Sirius smiles at him as he, for lack of better words, floats up the stairs, towards the now empty bathroom. Regulus, in the back of his mind, makes a mental note that Sirius has more piercings in his ear than when he left. Which is fine because he can put holes in his body if he wants to, and he can float where he used to stomp because… it’s just fine. People change, his brother has changed and it’s fine. 

He’s on the phone the minute he’s downstairs. Ted picks up in two rings.

“Hello?” his voice is groggy with sleep and Regulus suddenly realises how late it is. 

“Sorry, I forgot the time.” There’s some shuffling on the other end. 

 “No, it’s alright. All good there?”

“Yeah, all good. Sirius and Remus and James are all getting dry, so… yeah, good.”

“Well, bring ‘em all down tomorrow, alright? And get some sleep.” Ted orders before he hangs up. Regulus smiles as he hooks the phone back up to the receiver. Conversations with Ted are easy like that and Regulus is eternally reminded how grateful he is for his cousins.

 He sets the phone down and flops onto the couch behind him, (much like a faint Victorian woman, but he won’t admit it) and closes his eyes with a long, suffering sigh. Leo comes bounding up to him in seconds. He sits at Regulus’ feet and puts his head up on his knees, letting Regulus caress his still damp hair. 

It’s times like these when Regulus wonders where the dog came from before he found him, what his life was like, how he became so… good . He was skinny when they found him hiding in the garage so he couldn’t have had it easy, but he was no young puppy when they found him, so he must have been a stray for a long time. Or maybe he had a home before where he used to sit, just like this, with an owner who had taught him how to be the way he is. Or maybe he had a home that wasn’t… that just didn’t make a difference. Maybe this is just who he is. 

Either way, here Leo was anyways, strong and loving as ever, and the thought could make Regulus cry with grief and envy if he thinks about it any harder. 

It’s in this position that James stumbles upon him, sleep pants and baggy t-shirt drooping off of him, hair still wet from the shower. 

“Oh, sorry, I was just… are you okay?” James asks, hesitantly. Regulus startles and pulls away from Leo, who takes that as the green light to go say hi to James. Immediately the taller boy drops to his knees to coo at and pet the dog. 

“Fine.” Regulus says, clearing his throat. “You?” he says because obviously he loves to torture himself. 

“Yeah, great actually.” James smiles and Regulus is reminded again that the sheer brilliance of that smile could probably light up all of England. James looks up at him and their eyes meet. He’s not wearing his glasses so he seems to squint at Regulus when he sighs and says; “You sure grew up Baby Black… I mean, I thought you were different before but, you’re more different now, I think…” and honestly Regulus has no idea what James is talking about. He’s been done growing for a few years now and he certainly hasn’t gone and changed anything about his appearance since last they saw each other. 

“That’ll happen in three years, suppose.” he sighs, deciding to get up and put on a cup of tea. “And don’t call me that.” he adds as an afterthought as he passes by James in the threshold. 

James lets out a startled sound, almost a laugh but not quite. Regulus hears the sound of James’ feet padding into the kitchen after him, followed by the clacking of Leo’s claws as he follows suit. 

“Right, sorry…” he apologizes. Regulus turns the kettle on. They fall silent. The kettle is whistling before the two of them talk again. 

“Tea?” Regulus offers. 

“Sure.” James whispers in response. 

Soon enough, the two of them have matching mugs in their hands, tea steeping between them and warming their hands. 

Regulus looks at James’ hands where they grip the cup; there’s a tattoo of the sun on his ring finger and isn’t that just fitting. James picks at the dark purple paint that’s already chipping off his nails and rocks back and forth on his heels under Regulus’ uncharacteristically lingering gaze. He can’t seem to help it as he scans James for any other notable sign of change. Other than the tattoos (there’s another that peeks out just behind his ear that Regulus can’t fully make out) and the effortless elegant length of hair he’s grown out, James looks relatively the same. This puts Regulus at ease for a moment, as if Sirius’ change is entirely dependent on James. Maybe if James stayed the same then…

“Uh, are you going to stay up much longer?” James asks.

“Sorry, I’m keeping you. You’re probably jetlagged.” Regulus immediately says. 

James shakes his head and smiles. “No, no, I could stay up. Moons and Pads are probably out cold already though.” James laughs. “I’ll keep you company.”

“Moons?” Regulus asks into his mug. 

“Oh, yeah, that’s Remus. Pads is- well, process of elimination.” James chuckles. Regulus raises an eyebrow. 

“Is this part of your… Marauding nonsense?” he asks, which gets another laugh out of James. 

“God, you still remember that?” he asks, as if it's so hard to believe. “Christ, we must have come up with those names in… maybe fourth year or something? Probably why they’re so…”

“Ridiculous?”

“I was going to say unique , but, if you like, yeah.” James offers, which makes Regulus scoff out something that might be a laugh. Regulus is so caught up in the moment that he barely steps back when James moves to sit on the empty counter beside him. 

“And, what about you and Peter?”

“Ah, Pete’s Wormtail, Wormy for short-”

“First of all, I think I know who the least favourite roommate was.” Regulus says with a small smirk that only widens at James’ bark of laughter. “And second, you have nicknames for your nicknames?”

“Yeah!” James laughs, excitedly. “We thought we were so cool. I think people thought we were dumbasses back then.”

“Well,” Regulus drawls, his voice pitched up, “the jury’s still out.” James makes a pained sound, clutching at his chest and stumbling backwards. 

“You wound me, Reggie!” he laments. Regulus rolls his eyes when he can help but start laughing with James at his own ridiculousness. “Well, at least mine’s cool. I got saddled with Prongs.” he says and makes a show of puffing out his chest like he’s genuinely proud. Regulus shook his head as he takes another sip of tea. “What?” James chuckled. “You know, I have it on good authority that it is a very cool name.”

“Oh really?” Regulus challenges. “Whose authority?”

“My own.” he declares only to send Regulus into another fit of giggles. James huffs, indignantly “Prongs is cool! It’s like a… like a stallion name! Like a big strong stag! Yeah, that's cool…” he says, almost reassuring himself.

“I’m not impressed by your fursona, James.” Regulus scoffs and James snorts.

“First of all, it’s terrifying that you know what that is.” 

“It is the twenty-first century and, whether I like it or not, I do have access to the internet.” Regulus says, attempting to hide his smile in his cup. 

“And second ,'' James continued, unperturbed, “I’ll have you know I am the authority on cool! I’m the coolest person I have ever met!” he says, as though that justifies it. 

Regulus shakes his head. “Then you should really get out more.” 

James tsks and sighs. “Cold, Reggie, real cold.” 

The two of them finish up their tea in silence. 

At some point Sirius calls down from the top floor that he and Remus are going to bed. Leo –who Regulus suspects is starting to understand the word “bed” among others like “treat” and “walk” and “car ride”– takes that as his cue to bolt up the stairs and presumably settle himself into the corner of Regulus’ room for the night. They’ve all had enough excitement for the day. 

It’s only as he thinks this that he also remembers he’s supposed to be in a sour mood because of his brother right now. Of course, it's too late now since James ruined it. Regulus really just can't find the energy to do anything about it, doesn’t even really feel the urge to care. He wonders, vaguely, what the hell that’s about…

Chapter Text

Regulus likes to think he's a perfectly sane person, despite all the evidence that might point to the contrary. So, like any sane person, he shuts his alarm off during the summer and gets as much extra sleep as he can while working at a bed and breakfast. 

Despite their rather large accumulated family fortune, Andromeda insisted that they kept the place up and running throughout her pregnancy because “raising a baby is not cheap!” and while Regulus (ironically) wished she’d take more than a week off, he was almost glad for the routine keeping him busy (going stir crazy was not something any of them were willing to risk). Otherwise, she was no real stickler for when work got done, as long as it got done. So, as small mercies go, letting himself wake up after 6:30 for the next three months was a pretty sweet one. 

Today, however, Regulus woke even later than usual. What was a shock was not the “when” of his waking, but rather the “how”.  

Frantic knocks at the door came in rapid spurts, followed by what must have been someone talking to him through the door, but Regulus was still too deep in sleep to register anything. He had only just sat himself up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed before the door came swinging open and he was met with a very peppy looking Sirius. 

His brother was already rattling off nonsense a mile a minute, bouncing on the balls of his feet, hands flailing about in front of him as he talked. Regulus shook his head to cut Sirius off –or get his attention at least. 

“I don’t know what you’re saying, Sirius.” he groans, his voice still raw from sleep. 

“Visiting hours, Reggie! It’s time to go! I wanna meet the baby!” and with that his brother is gone in a flash. Regulus hears him bumping along down the stairs and, unable to think of a single good reason not to join him, he changes as quickly as he can into his “nobody-will-see-me-in-these” clothes, grabs his phone and keys and follows his brother down the stairs in a matter of moments. 

He mumbles a greeting to Remus in the kitchen who is glancing (dreamily, if you can believe it) at Sirius who is (1) still in pyjamas and (2) running around the house –very effectively riling up the dog– in order to get them all out of the house as quickly as possible. 

Remus passes Regulus a cup of coffee which he thanks him for and sips on as the two of them listen to Sirius forcibly enter the spare room (where James had been sleeping peacefully) and “sicking the dog on him”. They listen as the two of them begin to, presumably, wrestle like children, if the shouting and yelping and series of thumps were anything to go by. Remus chuckled beside him. 

“Somethings never change.” he sighed, more to himself than to Regulus. 

“Yes, I suppose they’ve always been insufferable idiots.” he hums, which gets another dry laugh out of Remus. He hides his own smile in the rim of his cup. 

“Well, they better hurry up if they want to be at the hospital anytime soon!” Remus calls, loud enough for Sirius to hear and respond with his own equally as loud;

“Thank you, Remus! See?” he says, likely directing that last part at James. 

The four of them are in the car within minutes. Without thinking, Regulus banishes Sirius to the back of the car, knowing his restlessness would be a hazardous distraction at the very least. Obviously, he did not think this all the way through as Remus being persuaded to sit next to his boyfriend left only James to sit next to Regulus. 

When they were all set and ready to go, Regulus glanced over to the passenger seat where James was already flashing a brilliant smile at him, only slightly overshadowed by the untamed curls of his hair. 

Talk about a distraction. 

The ride was, thankfully, unremarkable and they made it to the hospital in one piece. Regulus gave Sirius the number of the room Andromeda was last in, imagining that his brother would abandon them all to bound off down the hallway and be the first to get his hands on the baby, but the (literal and figurative) whiplash he got when sirius grabbed his hand and began tugging him through the hospital corridors at an alarming speed was not anticipated. 

“Still against running in the halls, Reggie?” he laughs to himself over the sound of Regulus apologising to various medical staff they dash past them. 

They skid to a stop when Regulus points out that they’ve missed the turn to Andromeda’s hallways. The two of them walk normally, side by side through the corridor, searching for her room number. When they find it, Sirius pushes the door open before giving it a redundant knock. 

“Sirius! Come in!” Ted beckons from inside the room. Regulus waits outside the door for a few seconds, waiting for Remus and James to reach the end of the hallway so he can flag them down. Once they wave back, Regulus follows where Sirius had pushed into the room. 

In the seconds that have passed, Sirius has already managed to seat himself and get the baby into his arms, Ted standing beside him, stroking the top of her little bald head. He turns to see Regulus and waves him in with a smile. “Andy’s just in the washroom with the nurse.” Sirius shakes his head, sympathetically and adds; 

“God, taking a piss must be hell.” he adds. The three of them shudder.

“Must you be so vulgar?” Regulus chastises, just as James and Remus appear. 

“Come on Reg,” Remus snorts, “this is Sirius we’re talking about.” 

Just then, as though she’s been summoned, Andromeda appears out of the little washroom in the corner, hair wet from the shower, nurse supporting her from under her arm. The nurse –Julie, her name tag reads– smiles at the newcomers in the room. 

“Well, Miss Tonks, looks like you were right. First visitors in the whole hospital I’m willing to bet.” Andromeda smiles through her pained groan as she situates herself on the bed. 

“I told you they would be.” she smiles, locking eyes with Regulus who smiles back. Julie nods and writes something down on the clipboard attached to the wall. She hands Andromeda a pill in a little plastic cup and has her drink from a glass of water. 

“I’ll be right back with some food and extra chairs.” she says and she’s out the door before anyone can even thank her. 

“I love that woman.” Andromeda sighs. “She’s a saint, honest to God.”

“And you ,” Sirius whispers, trying to scoot closer to the bed, “are a real god damn trooper, Andy. I mean, look at the size of her, Christ almighty!” he whisper-shouts, lifting the baby up so everyone could see her. 

“Must you talk about your niece like she’s a slab of meat from the deli?” Andromeda yawns. 

“Indeed I must.” Sirius coos, leaning down to kiss the little girl on the cheek. This wakes her up with quite the effective shock because she immediately starts wailing and sobbing, playing her lungs like bagpipes. Sirius jolts slightly before Ted swoops in to scoop her out of his arms and rock her against his chest. 

“What’d I do?” Sirius asks, distraught. James pats him sympathetically on the shoulder. 

“Just how babies are, mate.” he assures him, though it doesn’t stop Sirius from pouting. 

“Well enough about me and my heroic journey of pregnancy,” Andromeda announces, “tell me about your trip! What was the best part of each place?” she asks, enthusiastically. 

That launched them into a lengthy, chaotic conversation about french cheeses and new york pizza and the best disney world rides and the coolest winter sports and whether they would want to live in Switzerland or Italy. 

He stays mostly quiet, as he often does when Sirius gets all blabby, but he doesn’t think he minds, not really anyways. Sirius being back doesn’t sting the way Sirius leaving had; only a dull, throbbing ache remains in its wake. 

So, really, in summary, totally fine and manageable. 

Regulus settles into a chair and takes a newly sleeping baby from Ted so could put her down. He watches as Remus and Sirius get into a heated discussion about which country had the best pastries, listens to Andy and Ted and James softly chuckling, strokes soft (only slightly shaky) circles on Nymphadora’s back, and tries not to be bitter. His eyes glance over his brother and he thinks that right now he could let everything go for a chance to have this . Always this.  

Well, at least Regulus is a very convincing liar. 

His phone rings which really only snaps them all out of it because Nymphadora starts crying again. She’s handed off to Sirius with a kiss on her cheek so Regulus can step out to take the call.

“Hello?” he asks, because he didn’t have a chance to look at the number beforehand. 

“Mister Black! I’m assuming you’re all out at the hospital.” Kreacher's voice came through the phone. Regulus groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Yes, I meant to leave a note, I’m so sorry-”

“Oh, it’s not a problem at all. Not much to report here, only that the guests in cabin ten have called the house saying the heater is broken. I thought I’d let you know as soon as possible. I made a note here too in case you forget.” he adds helpfully. 

‘Thank you, Kreacher, I’ll be home soon.” he says, as if he’s on autopilot. 

“Please, mister Black,” Kreacher tuts like he’s sorely disappointed Regulus would even suggest trying to work today, “stay there, spend time with the baby. I can hold down the fort.”

“I’m sure you can Kreacher, but I can’t sit around here all day doing nothing.” he says, sparing a glance at the door behind him as it creeks open and Sirius steps out. “I’ll be there soon. I’ve got to go.” he says, and hangs up, unceremoniously. He pockets his phone and faces his brother, puffing up his chest as though bracing himself. 

“I was just gonna ask if you wanted to come down to the cafeteria with me?” Sirius suggests. “Everyone’s looking for breakfast so I figured we’d go.” he adds, already walking down the hall. 

Regulus follows him without saying anything, and continues not to say anything until they reach the elevator. Sirius presses the button for the second floor and rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet to the rhythm of the elevator music. 

“You know,” he says after a while, “your hair’s getting quite long.” he notes, which makes Regulus self consciously tug at a loose curl around the back of his neck. “Looks good.” he adds for good measure. When Regulus turns to look at him to make sure he’s not taking the piss, he only smiles. 

“I like your… face jewellery…” Regulus adds, just to say something and have it be harmlessly true. 

“Thanks!” Sirius chirps as the elevator lets them out. They begin to make their way to the cafeteria and Sirius keeps the conversation going (never a terribly large feat for him). 

“I got this one done in Paris. Oh! That’s also when we all got matching tattoos. I mean, all eight of us! Even Mary! She’s terrified of needles but we settled on small ones so she was fine.” he rattles on as they turn the corner. “I didn’t get the next one ‘till we got to California. That’s where I got most of them, actually. Got some in New York too though. Speaking of, one of them was a birthday gift for Remus, actually. Three guesses as to where it is.” he says with a wink. 

When Regulus rolls his eyes, Sirius only continues, explaining where and when and why he got each tattoo and piercing until they reach the cafe. Ordering for everyone takes them about three minutes because apparently Remus has the appetite and the metabolism to eat for three. The poor teenager working that day tells them that since they’re the only one on shift just then that their order might take a while. They assure the kid that they have all the time in the world, leave a very generous tip, and plop themselves down at one of the notoriously uncomfortable cafeteria tables. 

Regulus makes a point of looking everywhere but at his brother. Sirius, on the other hand, seems to be giving Regulus a full examination with his scrutinising gaze, his fingers drumming restlessly against the table. Eventually he leans back in  his seat, seeming satisfied with his observations and Regulus lets out a small puff of air he was holding in. 

“So… what’s new?” Sirius asks with the cadence of someone who hasn’t seen the other in three weeks rather than three years. Regulus bristles at the casualness of it all but he resolves to answer him just as casually as he was asked. 

“I dunno.” Regulus mutters into the hand that he rests his head in. Sirius seems unimpressed with this answer. “I graduated?” he offers, lamely. 

“Reg, I know you’re a doctor-”

“An animal doctor.”

“Whatever! I mean, I’m sure you must’ve been really busy, but you can’t expect me to believe that you did school work and nothing else! What, you just shut off to reboot after your last class?”

“Got a dog.” he shrugs. Sirius snorts a laugh. 

“Must you be cryptic your whole life? Tell me something interesting , smartass!” he teases. Regulus only shrugs again, which gets Sirius groaning like an impatient child. “Come on Reggie! You can’t tell me nothings changed in… since I’ve been gone.” he corrects, ungracefully. 

“Well, what do you want to know?” he shifts, tucking his hands into his lap and curling in on himself, mentally preparing for the incoming interrogation. Rightfully so, apparently, because Sirius does not pull his punches. 

“Have you been seeing anyone?” he says in that sickly-sweet, sing-songy voice that he uses only when he wants to be particularly annoying. 

“Christ…” he mumbles into his hands.. 

“What?” Sirius drawls, the smirk audible in his voice. “Can’t blame me for being curious!”

“Is this really the time or place, Sirius?” Regulus asks, embarrassed flush creeping up to his ears. 

“C’mon, if I let you get away with that we’d never talk about anything.” he says with a knowing look. “Now, stop avoiding the question!” he says, bouncing excitedly in his seat. 

Regulus, still artfully dodging his brother’s gaze, just shakes his head in response. Sirius scoffs, indignantly this time. “I don’t believe that Reg.”

“Well, that’s just not my problem, is it?” Regulus counters. 

“You’ve been asked, I bet, you just said no every time.” Regulus tries to keep a poker face, but Sirius sees right through it. “Ah! I’m right, aren’t I?” he grins like he’s just cracked the case. 

“If you’re really interested in knowing what I’ve been up to, it's been mostly work and school so, you know, no time for… all that.” Sirius rolls his eyes but decides not to push any further. 

“How's school and work then?” 

“Fine.”

“Don’t get too excited now.” Sirius deadpans.

“Fuck off…” Regulus sighs. “How was… your trip?” he asks with a somewhat pained expression. Sirius raises an eyebrow. 

“Which part of it?” 

“New York, I suppose.” It’s the only part of America that ever interested him. “Was it as magical as they make it look in movies?”

“Is anything ever?” Sirius laughs. “No, no, it was… well, it feels a lot bigger than up here. I mean, it is a lot bigger, but the people seem bigger too. Like, they’re all so loud! The cities, even, they just look loud… it was pretty cool…” he says, almost wistfully and Regulus can’t find it in himself to be spiteful. 

“That… must have been fun for you.” he says, for lack of better words. 

“I think you would have had fun too.” Sirius says, suddenly. “Really, Reggie.”

“Please, the only word you described the place with was loud . Not exactly my scene.” Regulus shakes his head. 

“Well, it’s not just the place, it’s the people, you know?” Sirius says, throwing his hands up in front of him. “The people who make the experiences magical .” Regulus rolls his eyes.

“Well, it all sounds very dreamy, but I think the mundanity of the real world suits me quite well.” He says, decidedly. 

The teenage batista signals to them that their coffees are ready. Regulus moves to pick them up and cringes when Sirius shouts after him in public ;

“Don't knock it till you try it Reggie!”

“I'm not knocking,” Reggie responds, much quieter by comparison, “I'm just… not trying.” He sighs as he loads the coffees into a drink tray and walks the

“Suppose that’s the real difference between you and me.” Sirius sighs in some self-righteous ain’t-that-just-a-shame voice. Regulus scowls and, with just enough force to be dramatic without making a mess, slides the coffee across the table to his brother. 

“Yes, let’s all have a round of applause for Sirius every time he fucks off for the sake of self discovery and adventure!” he spits. 

“Three years and you’re still so childish,” Sirius hisses. 

“Oh, I’m the one who’s childish?”

“Yes, actually!” Sirius says, his eyes wide as though he can’t believe Regulus just said that, as though he were some perfect fucking saint. “How is it my fault if you want to keep yourself shut up like a hermit! One of us has to get the fuck out there and live , Regulus, or else why did we even…” 

That does it. 

Interrupting the barista who was just about to hand over their pastries and sandwiches, Regulus slams his hands down on the table and shoots up from his seat. 

“Fuck you, Sirius.” Sirius narrows his eyes. 

“ This is what I mean, Reggie, you do this every time we-”

“We?” Regulus laughs, manicaly, scarring the barista back into the kitchen. “ I’m not doing anything ! You’re the one who-”

“Exactly!” Sirius groans, like he’s just resisting the urge not to rip his hair out. “ You’re not doing anything !” He draws the word out and it’s like the painstakingly slow lifting of a bandaid. 

A chill runs up Regulus’ spine. His mouth falls open and closed like a fish out of water. He thinks Sirius might be saying something, but he can’t be sure, he’s stopped listening. How dare he say that when Regulus is doing all that he can. Can’t that be enough? 

When Sirius has evidently stopped talking, Regulus wordlessly makes his way over to the pick up area of the cafe where their food is slowly getting cold. He snatches up the hefty plastic bag and begins the walk back towards the elevator without looking back. He hears Sirius cursing as he likely trips over himself to catch up and, before either of them know it, they’re back in the elevator, back upstairs, back in the room with everyone else. 

It seems as though their sour mood is not as well concealed as Regulus might have liked it to be because, immediately, the room goes quiet. Well, except for Nymphadora, who starts crying again as her dad tries to lay her down for a proper nap. Seems as though she, like Regulus, just can’t sit still under all these agitated glances. He pities that she can’t just get up and leave like he can, and does. 

With a quick apology to no one in particular, a pitiful excuse to the room, and a soft kiss to Nymphadora’s head, Regulus steps out into the hallway and begins to walk towards the car. He’s halfway to the parking lot when he hears an all too familiar voice call out his name. He grits his teeth and turns on his heels. 

“What do you want, Potter?” he asks as the aforementioned man makes his way across the lobby toward him, haphazardly shrugging his jacket over his shoulders. 

“Figured I’d head out with you! You’re my ride, after all.” he says, clapping him amicably on the shoulder. Regulus jolts forward but James seems to catch the back of his jumper. “Pads and Moony were gonna spend the day out anyway…”

“I…” Regulus clears his throat as he forces himself upright. “I have work to do, James. You should just… go with Remus and Sirius.” he sighs, trudging out into the parking lot. 

The cold autumn air sends a chill through his entire body, other than the arm that James is pressing just a little too close to. Of course he has to radiate the heat of the sun as well. 

“Yeah, well, I don’t love third-wheeling so, I figured I could be more help to you.” he says, chipperly. “I can help around the house if you want. Any chores that need doing, well, you’ve got an extra pair of hands now, just tell me where you want me!” Regulus narrows his eyes as James follows him into the car and buckles himself in. 

“Just… stay out of the way.” he says, which doesn’t seem to be much of a deterrent to James who just smiles as the car is set into motion. 

As they pass through the town, Regulus makes a quick stop at the grocery store for the night's dinner, accounting for the three extra mouths to feed. James trails into the store behind him, taking it upon himself to silently push the trolley behind him. Regulus has half a mind to tell him to give up the chivalrous act, but the other half of him is grateful for the help when he ends up with four unusually heavy bags that need to be loaded into the car and later taken into the house. 

He greets Leo, who runs up to him upon his entry, and Kreacher, who sits behind the check in desk, waiting for him, and tells him he can take over for now. He decidedly says nothing when James follows Kreacher into the kitchen to help him unload the groceries. Regulus waits for the “eleven-o-clock rush” that is checkout time on a sunday. 

Later, as he so often does, he finds himself occupied with the horses. Maxine’s leg, in his newly professional opinion, is fully healed up and back to skillfully trotting about the paddock like a proper show horse. When the wind has died down and the sun seems to be as bright as it’s going to get that day, Regulus takes each of the horses out, one by one, to be washed. It’s been mostly muddy out recently so they’re all about due for a wash. It’s just as he’s refilling the soapy bucket for Sophie’s bath that James is noticeably back at his side. Regulus almost jumps but remains mostly composed as James swaggers over. 

He shoots him a smile as he walks over. “Looks like you could use some help out here,” he says.

“Is that what it looks like?” he asks, pitching his voice up, condescendingly. “Well, looks can be deceiving, Potter.” he says as he begins to softly scrub at Sophie’s neck. When James brings the hose up after him to wash away the soap, Regulus jerks around, spilling only a little of the sudsy water on himself. “Do you even know what you’re-” but before he can finish his sentence, it’s made evident that James does in fact know. As he brushes over the silky smooth black fur, James makes a proper reply. 

“Yeah, we had horses for a while when I was young. Lived with my nani and she had a big property in the countryside. Lots of room for horses to run around. My favourite was named Butterscotch.” Regulus had to laugh at that. The choked out little sound startled James into a grin. “What?” he asked, already laughing at himself. Regulus shook his head. 

“Nothing, it’s…” he met James' eyes, the corners of his lips turned up. “I bet if you had a heifer you’d name her Bessie.” James ducked his head, laughing at the ground. 

“Well, can’t say much about cattle, but I know my way around a horse.” he says, with a pat to Sophie’s side. Regulus clears his throat and dips around to her opposite flank, accidentally putting himself right across from James. 

“Umm, thank you, but I really don’t need the help.” Regulus insists, now avoiding James’ gaze –a feat that’s really a lot harder than it should be.

“Of course you don’t need it, but I like to be helpful.” he says with a dimpled grin. Regulus scoffs and, without another word, gets back to work. He doesn’t tell James to get lost again but figures he probably gets the message, right? Probably. 

The two of them work silently around each other, James even sticks around as Regulus brings out the next horse, and the next, and the next… When all the horses are clean and James is still there, Regulus starts to think that maybe he’s not getting the message. 

When Regulus is back inside and on the phone with cabin ten and later the a potential repairman who might come down to look at the heater, he seems to lose James, only to see that he had made his way out into the garden where he’s begun to pick at the newly ripe raspberries while Leo trots along beside him. Regulus can’t seem to help his lingering incredulous gaze that locks in on James out the kitchen window. He tries to distract himself by making a cup of tea, but when he finds himself making James a cup of his own, he realises he might not be doing as good a job as he imagined. 

He leaves the cup out on the counter and the sugar bowl right next to it, but makes his way out of the kitchen before James can come back in. There’s really nowhere for him to run so he finds himself standing awkwardly in his room sipping on a warm cup of tea, wondering what the hell he’s accomplished by running himself into a corner like this. He gave James a few minutes to hopefully finish his tea and move out of the house again, just standing alone in his room, staring at the walls, making no move to leave. 

Was being around James really so horrible, he wondered? It’s not as though he was a particularly unlikeable guy –if anything, he was too likeable. Regulus couldn’t seem to put a finger on a specific reason why the feeling of being around James left him so… uneasy . Perhaps it was that they were just too different or the fact that James was always his top competition for his brother’s attention. Maybe it was just the fact that Regulus was not a people person, and James was about as people-y as one could get; all warm smiles and outstretched hands and kind eyes. 

Regulus’ stewing was disrupted by the sound of the front door creaking open and closing. James, he thought, had probably finished with the tea and it was safe to go back down. Regulus takes a steadying breath, empty mug clutched in his hand, and he gets halfway down the stairs without incident before he feels himself pale at the sight of James seated in the chair behind the check in desk, talking to a customer, with Leo sat patiently at his feet. Only just catching the tail end of their conversation as he makes his way down the rest of the stairs, James’ steadily confident voice seems to translate very well into customer service. He doesn’t even seem to have to put on that faux-syrupy-sweet voice that he and Sirius needed to with the guests. 

“... probably upstairs, I’ll go check-” James moves to walk away from the chair and towards the phone hung up on the wall. Upon turning and spotting Regulus, he stops in his tracks. His smile widens but Regulus can’t decipher at the moment whether or not this is a “smile-for-the-customer” sort of smile or if James is genuinely happy to see him. “Ah! Regulus, I was just about to get you! Mister Thompson over here was just having trouble with the key to his cabin…” James trails off and Regulus snaps into customer service mode. 

“Of course.” he hums, stumbling about as gracefully as a newborn fawn around James towards the counter. “It’s number seven, isn’t it?” to which Mister Thompson confirms. “Yes, we’ve recently had the lock fixed and gotten a new key copied. We must have given you the old one, my mistake.” he apologies as he opens the long drawer of the desk, fishing out the proper key. “Here. Try this one. So sorry for the inconvenience, sir.” he says, with a shallow bow of his head as the keys are exchanged. 

Mister Thompson offers his thanks to both Regulus and James before he’s out the door once again. Once the solid wooden door separates them from their guest, Regulus turns and narrows his gaze at James who immediately takes on a shocked expression. 

“What?” he asks, defensively. 

“Why didn’t you come get me?” Regulus hisses, stalking around him and into the kitchen, placing his mug less than gently into the sink. 

“I- well, I didn’t know where you were. I was going to call you.” he tries to explain, but Regulus shakes his head. 

“You don’t work here, James!” Regulus says, if only to make himself feel better. “I don’t need you to do my job for me! I’m perfectly capable-”

“I never said you weren’t!” James says, stepping closer to Regulus, only for him to side-step around him and dip out of the kitchen in the blink of an eye. Leo barks once and tries to follow him but the door is closed behind Regulus by the time he catches up, leaving him alone with James in the house. 

He makes it all of five feet away from the house before James is on his tail, falling into step with Regulus, their feet crunching against the slightly muddy gravel as they walk together. 

“I’m sorry, alright?” James says, his voice strained and desperate. “I’ll stay out of your way, I promise.” Regulus scoffs, walking in the direction of… nothing in particular. 

“Well you’re not doing a very good job at it.” he huffs, indignantly. James’ pace falters only slightly, forcing him to stumble along behind Regulus. 

“Sorry, I just…” James makes a huffy little noise that seems to root its way deep into Regulus’ chest, like the sound of a sad animal that one can’t help but pity. “I just want to help.” he whispers, and Regulus almost doesn’t hear him. 

When he looks up from his feet, trying to think of something to say, it’s almost too perfect when his eyes land on the fallen fence just off on a distant hill. It’s so far off that it might as well be on Bill Weasley’s property, but it’s still a project that Ted had been meaning to get around to ever since their sheep had more lambs than anticipated and needed some grazing room. The field was far enough off so as to not disturb the guests or the neighbours, but the vastness of the space and the little stone stable that served as their winter home was almost too good to be true. Seeing as the fence toppled the minute one of their bigger sheep had tried to make a jump for it, evidently they were right. 

Well, Regulus decided then and there, if James wanted to work he would really put him to work. 

Amidst his scheming, Regulus wasn’t exactly taking note of the fact that he had stopped walking, or, at least, he hadn’t noticed until James was knocking into his shoulder. 

“Shit, sorry, I-”

“See that fence over there?” Regulus said, without preamble. James, seeming to understand that his time to talk was over, simply nodded his head, slowly. “If anything needs fixing it’s that. Just lay the stone back properly and use the shit in the shed up there to get it to stick…”

“The shit in the shed?” James asks incredulously. Regulus huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“That’s what Ted calls it, I don’t know!” James laughs, shaking his head. “The stuff for laying stones and things!” Regulus huffs. 

“Not very country of you.” he hums. 

“Yes, yes, I’m a Londoner at heart, is that what you want me to say?.” Regulus sighs, all the fight draining from his body at the sound of James’ laugh. 

The two of them stand in silence for a moment, just glancing at each other, until James clears his throat and dips his head. 

“Well, suppose I’ll get up there.” he says, looking over his shoulder at the fence in the distance. 

“Yes, well…” Regulus isn’t sure what to say next. “Uh, I’ll have dinner ready at seven so…” he leaves the implication open and James breaks out into a blinding smile. He bucks up his chest, suddenly full of  determination and pride. 

“Better hop to it then.” he says, to himself  more than Regulus, and before Regulus can say anything else, he’s turned on his hill, seemingly attempting to make the trek on foot. Regulus stares after him, confused, only for a second before calling out; 

“You know we have a bike, right?’ James turns around from where he had trekked out, all of five feet away from him, his head cocked like a confused dog. “The dirt bike.,” Regulus elaborates, “so we don’t have to walk across the whole property.” James mouth falls into an ‘o’ shape and his shoulders rise and fall once with the huff of his breath. 

“Well, good to know, but I wouldn’t know how to drive one anyway’s so…” Regulus sighs, sparing a glance back to the house.

“Some bloody help…” He mutters under his breath as he stalks towards the side of the house where the bike is. Without taking the time to really think anything through, he pulls a helmet onto his head and another onto his lap, hops onto the bike and starts it up. James hasn't moved from his spot on the driveway so Regulus pulls right up to him, forcing him to take a couple steps back, lest his feet get run over. Regulus hands him the helmet he isn’t wearing and cocks his head over his shoulder. 

Regulus tosses him a helmet. “Get on,” he says, grudgingly. 

James does so, almost eagerly. He shuffles around behind Regulus, who scoots further up the seat every time their hips brush. James settles his hands on Regulus’ waist as he gets himself situated, but seems to think better of it when he feels Regulus tense up under the touch, relocating them to the edge of the seat. 

The two of them set off, Regulus pressed all the way forward and James leaned back, hands gripping onto the back of the bike for dear life, trying to look nonchalant. Luckily for him, the fields aren’t as bumpy as the gravel so most of the ride is smooth enough.  

When they reach the hill with the fence, Regulus taps James’ knee so he can hop off before Regulus. As soon as James is on his feet, he’s walking over to the fence and leaning over it, staring down at the pasture below the dip in the hill and the small flock of sheep grazing in the afternoon sun. The colours of the sky are beginning to melt together and the moon is already peeking out to see the sun before it dips behind the horizon. 

“Wow.” James sighs as Regulus walks up behind him. 

“Yeah,” Regulus mumbles, “not bad, I suppose.”

James laughs, his cheeks dimpling. Regulus ducks his head and kicks at a loose stone in the fence. 

“Better get to it.” he says, decidedly, picking up the rock and settling it onto the fence. James raises his eyebrow, to which Regulus only responds. “Four hands are better than two.”

James only shrugged and picked up a large rock of his own, trying to balance it on the fence the same way Regulus did. “I just assumed you were allergic to manual labour. Lord knows Sirius acts like the stuffs lethal.” he jokes. 

Regulus takes the stone from James. He also lifts an old hammer that had been left leaning against the fence last time Ted was out here. He chips off the uneven ends of the stone and rests it back against the fence again. It sits almost perfectly and James gives him a look that seems to say something along the lines of ‘well, I’ll be damned…’

“Sirius and I are very different people.” Regulus says, trying to keep his voice even. 

“You don’t say…” James mumbles, low enough for Regulus to miss it. 

He takes the hammer from Regulus to repeat his actions on another ill fitted rock. Regulus stalks into the shed where Ted left the mortar, and when he’s back outside with James the two of them only end up spending half the time relaying old stones than Regulus expected. With their chain line method of operation –Regulus laying down mortar, followed by James setting down stone– the gap in the fence was rebuilt in just under an hour. When that’s done, James beams at Regulus, obviously proud of his work. He only looks slightly dejected when Regulus tells him they now have to build it up a foot higher all around. 

Really, to give credit where credit is due, they clearly make for a well run ship, finishing their job just in time to see the sun disappear. 

“Well,” James yawns as he clambers back onto the back of the bike, “I’d call that a job well done.” Regulus’ hum of acknowledgement is drowned out by the sound of the bike’s engine revving. 

The sudden start has James lurching forward, holding Regulus’ hips instead of the bike seat. Thankfully, this also meant that the soft yelp that Regulus made probably can’t be heard over the sound of the engine and the dirt crunching under the tires. When they reach the house, the two of them separate as quickly as possible, both trying to avoid mentioning it before the other. 

When Leo greets them at the door, Regulus sighs and crouches down to his level. “You poor boy,” he coos, softly, “you’ll be having a late dinner today, huh? Regulus is so mean to you, should have fed you before he left.” he says with a pout and an exaggerated voice that has Leo’s tail wagging in happy little circles. Behind him, he hears James laugh, not unkindly. 

“Do you want me to get started on dinner and you can go feed him?” James asks. Regulus turns to look up at him and begins to protest. 

“You really don’t have to-”

“I insist.” James smiles. “I snuck some ingredients into the cart while you were shopping specifically for this reason, actually, so it would be pretty rude not to let me cook for you right now.” he says, matter-of-factly, firmly planting his hands on his hips. The corners of Regulus’ mouth twitch up at kind intonation of James’ sarcasm. 

Well, what’s the harm?

“I… would appreciate that.” Regulus says, hesitantly, as if the words will spill out and bite him. With that, the boy standing above him beams brighter than before as he dashes off to the kitchen. 

Regulus sighs, and stands up from where he’s crouched down on the floor. He looks down at Leo who seems to be looking up at him with a shocked expression. Regulus scoffs, turning to hide his blush from the dog (who clearly is too smart for his own good), and tries to divert his attention. 

“Let's get Leo some dinner, huh?” he says, effectively exciting the dog once again. 

Leo scarfs down the food in his (clearly falsely advertised) slow feeder bowl as if Regulus has been starving him which, okay drama queen. It’s a real mystery where he gets that from. 

Regulus calls into the kitchen, asking if James needs any help, to which James responds that dinner will be ready in ten minutes and Regulus should just relax. For once, Regulus can’t find it in himself to fight back. So, he flops onto the couch –Leo hopping up onto the cushion next to him– and settles in. 

He turns the TV on to the channel that Regulus has just recently learned plays exclusively horror movies and TV shows in seemingly no particular order, with no particular pattern. This past week, however, whoever’s in charge is on an obvious cannibalism kick, so Regulus settles in and is immediately engrossed. He feels like his bones are seeping out of his body, in the best way, as he fully relaxes into the couch. 

It's only as James sashays into the room with two bowls of, what Regulus can now tell is, pasta with a cream sauce and mushrooms and announces that “dinner is served!” that he finds himself stiffening and fumbling to change the channel. God forbid James Potter be reminded he’s a freak. 

It’s only when James sits down and says; “huh, this looks cool. What are we watching?” while handing Regulus his bowl that he begins to relax again. 

“Uh… It's like a psychological thriller thing about uh… a detective or something, and he’s trying to find this serial uh cannibal, I guess…” he says, trying to sound un-offputting as he can. He glances at James, trying to gauge a reaction. 

“Sick.” James hums, settling into the couch. 

That’s that, evidently. 

Dinner passes amicably. The two of them watch as the detective is duped throughout the episode, each of them almost equally intrigued each time the killer's plot is revealed. Eventually, when the show cuts to a commercial break, James asks Regulus if he wants seconds, which he declines but makes sure to tell James he thought dinner was delicious. James smiles as he gets up to take their dishes to the washer. 

“Not just a pretty face, eh?” he winks and, well, what the shit?

The show returns and they watch the last half hour without interruption. When the scene on screen gets particularly gorey at the very last minute of the episode before it cuts to black, both James and Regulus make a matching sound of shock and disgust. They end up laughing at themselves within seconds of the credits rolling and, well shit, looks like James “Perfect” Potter is kind of a freak too. As James gets up to get them both a cup of tea and put all their earlier dishes in the washer, the two of them compare notes on the episode. 

“I just don’t think it’s that believable.” James protests from the kitchen, earning a laugh from Regulus. “I mean, sure I can see him getting away with that shit ‘cuz he’s like, super smart or whatever. But like, feeding it to other people ?” he shudders “Surely one of them would say, ‘uh, this beef doesn’t really taste like beef guys’ or something!”

“Well, how do they know the difference between cow meat and their meat? Not like they’ve compared the two.” Regulus shrugs. He tacks on a thank you to James as he passes him his cup of tea. 

James just shakes his head. “I think that detective guy should get fired. There’s, what, four seasons of this show? It took him that long to figure it out?” Regulus chuckles again, hoping he can blame his heated face on the warmth of the tea. “Nah, I don’t want that kind of incompetence clogging up my justice system, thank you very much. 

After James puts away the dishes, they sit on opposite ends of the couch, James sprawled out, legs jittery, arms thrown over the back of the couch, Regulus curled in on himself, feet tucked away underneath his legs, Leo on the ground, lying parallel to the length of the couch. As the show's credits begin to roll, the sound of the front door swinging open causes both of them to whip their heads around in unison. 

“Reggie!” Andromeda whisper-yells from the hallway. “We’re home darling.” 

Regulus shoots up from the couch and goes to meet them. As soon as they’re in the house, he offers to Andromeda to take a sleeping Nymphadora up to her crib for them. Ted seems more anxious at the idea of his daughter being upstairs on her own than Andromeda does (“Ted, please, it’s not like she’s going to Houdini herself out of that crib. She just learned to open her eyes, for goodness sake!”), but in the end Ted takes her in his arms and sits himself down on the arm chair, soaking up some peace and quiet with her. 

Remus is carrying a few bags of what looks to be takeaway containers in his hands. The two of them unpack and pass out containers. A few minutes of dinner pass in amicable silence before it becomes evident that Sirius just can’t keep his mouth shut any longer. 

Regulus insists that they didn’t need to get him anything, considering he ate just an hour ago and his brother is the first to respond.

“Well excuse us for trying to be considerate.” he says dramatically. Regulus narrows his gaze. 

“Not now, Sirius, please.” he sighs. Andromeda throws them both a warning glare but they can’t seem to help themselves. 

“Oh no, really, it’s my fault. I forgot you’re too good to let people do things for you. You’re just so above it all!” he says, his voice raising exponentially. Ted hisses something in a low whisper about keeping it down but, of course, now, they can hardly hear him. 

“I didn’t- When did I say that?’ Regulus protests. James shifts over on the couch, seemingly trying to butt in and derail their arguing before getting cut off by (who other than) Sirius. 

“ Never !” Sirius says, nearly shouting. Remus’ hand is on his shoulder and he’s whispering in his ear, but Sirius’ voice only manages to lower marginally. “You never say anything , Regulus. I mean, if you didn’t tell us, how were we supposed to know you had eaten?” At this Regulus eyes widen. Were they still fighting about this?  

“I didn’t think it important to alert you every time I did something.” he says, eyebrows knitting together. 

“Alright,” and that’s James now (Regulus finds it almost a blessing to hear another voice besides his brother) “let’s just be mindful that the baby is sleeping, right? Can we talk about this in the morning?” 

“Yes, thank you James.” Andromeda sighs, hand pressed over her eyes. “Please if anyone wants to fight, save it for a reasonable hour of day.”

“I’m not the one starting fights!”

“Well why don’t you tell him that!” both Regulus and Sirius say at the same time. 

“Sirius,” Remus begins, cautiously, “why don’t we take a walk, okay? Let's just leave it.” Sirius bristles and yanks his hand back from where Remus is holding it. 

“You’re on his side?” he screeches. In the corner of his eye, Regulus sees Nymphadora squirming. Ted’s eyes widen and he whispers something, frantically, but James is speaking over him. 

“There’s no sides, okay?” he says, calmly. “I’m not even sure there’s a fight, okay? Let’s just-”

“Why are you looking at me?” Regulus asks, offendedly. “I’m not the one-”

“Cause you never are, right Reg?” Sirius spits back. “Oh, perfect little Reggie, lets all feel sorry for him and throw him a fucking pitty party for one!”

Without further ado, Nymphadora lets out the greatest ear curdling scream that any of them have ever heard. Leo startles awake now and lets out a soft bark before running upstairs. Andromeda sighs, taking Nymphadora into her arms. Remus, Regulus, James and Sirius all throw their hands over their ears in sync while Ted and Andromeda try to deescalate the sobbing. 

“Well, pretty much sums up what we’re all thinking.” she says, bouncing her daughter, soothingly, against her chest. “I think that’s our cue to let this one rest boys. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a third screaming baby who needs me a little more than you two do.” and she pointedly turns on her heel and stomps up the stairs. Before following, Ted throws a warning glare over his shoulder that seems to have them all feeling ashamed and embarrassed. 

When the sound of their bedroom door shutting muffles the sound of Nymphadora’s sobs, the four boys left in the living room cast awkward glances around at each other. 

Regulus thinks it might be the most excruciating two seconds of his life between sitting in silence and Sirius hoisting himself up and muttering something about going to bed. When he’s up the stairs Remus sighs and apologises to Regulus before following suit. 

James sighs, leaning back on the couch as though he can finally relax, running a hand through his hair. Regulus’ hands find his own hair and he tugs the roots down with the ends of his fingers as he presses the heels of his palms to his eyes. 

“Hey,” James is suddenly whispering and sliding closer to him on the couch, “I’m sorry-”

“For what.” Regulus mutters into his hands and James seems to stumble over his words. 

“F- For that? For him? I- I dunno…” Regulus sighs and shakes his head, standing up to tower over James. 

“Listen, Potter,” he says firmly, watching Jame’s adam’s apple bob in his throat in order to avoid looking him in the eyes, “whatever you’re trying to do here? You can just cut it out.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Reg…” James says, sounding genuine as he shakes his head back and forth. The way he looks up at Regulus with those pleading eyes sends a shiver up Regulus’ spine. “Just tell me what you want me to stop and I will-”

“ This! ” Regulus exclaims, throwing his hands up, wildly. He must look and sound insane so he takes a breath, trying to collect himself. “This… white knight shit you keep-”

“I don’t understand, I-”

“Stop! Just stop! You can’t fix everything, James! You certainly can’t fix this…” You can’t fix me , he doesn’t say. 

The TV is still running and the dish washer signals with a beep that the cycle is done and the wind outside whistles frightfully. Regulus thinks that, over all this noise, if he listened very carefully, he could hear the pounding of his heart, and the echo of James’.

A tentative hand reaches out to him, holds his wrist gently at his side, stroking over the bones. Regulus’ untouched hand balls up, shaking, but he makes no other move. When Regulus doesn’t pull away, he notices a second hand reaching out for the fist curled up at his right. James’ finger glides along his knuckles, softly coaxing his hand to rest flat against the warm palm of his own hand. It works, much to Regulus’ perpetual embarrassment, the soft strokes of long fingers on his hands. 

For a second he thinks he might have to retract his earlier statement. Perhaps James could fix anything, just like this. A second after that train of thought leaves the station, it’s followed by the thought that Regulus might finally be understanding what Sirius had seen in James all those years.

Not just a pretty face indeed. 

“I don’t… I don’t know what you want me to say…” James says, hesitantly. 

“Best not to say anything at all then…” Regulus whispers, as though he’s ashamed. He looks down at the floor between their feet, noticing for the first time that James’ legs are bracketing his own. He steps backwards, pulling his hands away from James. “Sorry, I’m… just gonna get some air…” he mumbles, stumbling his way over to the front door. James tries to follow him. 

“Reg, it’s the middle of the night, at least-” is all Regulus catches before he’s out the door. 

In retrospect, he could have at least put on a jacket, but instead he just shoves his hands into his jean pockets and goes for a lap around the house and garage. Hot tears sting at his eyes every step he takes and he wipes them away on his sleeve, lest he suffer the embarrassment of crying alone. 

He knows it’s irrational, okay? Obviously it’s irrational. Really, having Sirius home with him has been the only thing he had wanted from the beginning, so what the hell did he have to be upset about? Ungrateful brat , he heard himself muttering, and for a moment he sounds far too much like his mother. He gagged at the thought, trying to hold it in. He couldn’t let himself fall down that rabbit hole; there was never anything to break his fall at the bottom.

He’s huffing with subdued anger the whole time and mentally cursing his brother so, really, it’s not all a productive a walk, but when he rounds the last corner, leading him back to the front door, of course James is there, standing under the porch light, holding Regulus’ jacket out. 

Regulus nearly trips over his own feet as he stops, just outside the range of the porch light, hoping James hasn’t noticed him. So when James’ head whips around and his gaze immediately finds Regulus in the darkness, Regulus feels like a deer caught in the headlights. He doesn’t stumble, he keeps his chest puffed up, swelled with anger, and stalks towards James. 

The latter is looking at him with a gaze that seems immune to the cruel effects of the cold light that shines on them. 

James has already spent one day too many running around after regulus. He’s bound to learn that if you hold your hand out to every pathetic thing in your path, you’re going to get bit. 

By the time Regulus reaches James, he still hasn’t decided how he’s to start reprimanding his unwanted attempts at chivalry, so he’s almost grateful when James starts the conversation for him. 

“You should really take a coat if you’re gonna be out here any longer.” he says, coolly, like nothing about this bothers him, like he doesn’t want to lash out at Regulus too. So Regulus strikes first. He straightens his back, sizing himself up against James, baring his teeth. 

“I don’t need this shit from you, James. What the fuck did I tell you?” he hisses, snatching the jacket from James’ hands anyways. He realises, only as he has the soft lining clutched in his hand, that the jacket isn’t his. In fact, on the silky outer fabric, he vaguely notices the name “Potter” stitched into the breast pocket. It doesn’t keep his attention for long, because James starts talking again.

“I’m- I assume you don’t want me to apologise…?” James says, as if he’s asking a question. Regulus narrows his gaze, waiting to see where he’s going with this. “I just… you…” He can’t seem to find the words, for a moment, and Regulus wonders if he’s finally found a way to render James Potter speechless. 

“There’s nothing to be said, Potter.” Regulus relents. Might as well quit while they’re ahead, he thinks, but James is shaking his head and frowning. 

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay!” he insists, a pleading look on his face. “I just… wanted to be sure…” he trails off. 

Regulus isn’t sure what to say to that. He watches James for any other reaction, but the boy in front of him just seems… concerned… he seems genuine from where Regulus is standing, but he quickly dismissed that thought. He wasn’t, after all, a great judge of character, even at the best of times. For all he knew, James was just playing this up so he could come out the selfless hero. It’s becoming increasingly obvious that James can’t stand not being in someone’s good graces. Anyways, why else would he be on Regulus’ side? He was Sirius' friend –his best friend really– so what was the endgame here? Make himself look good for Sirius by pretending to give a shit about Regulus? 

Well, James Potter, two can play the ulterior motive game, and Regulus Black fights dirty. 

“James.” Regulus says sharply, causing James to stiffen. Regulus smirks at his reaction. He steps forward, slowly, testing to see how close James would let him get. “I… didn’t mean to snap.” he soothes, softly, still stalking forward. James doesn’t move but Regulus watches the movement of his throat as he slowly swallows and knows that the ball is in his court. 

Before James can say anything, Regulus has his jacket shrugged over his shoulders. He lets the sleeves fall over his palms and notes the exact second where James seems to notice how Regulus is swimming in the thing. Without really thinking about it, Regulus reaches a hand up and lays it on James’ shoulder. They’re so close that Regulus has to keep his elbow tucked into his chest to avoid pushing James away. 

“It’s… fine?” James breaths, sounding slightly confused. Regulus resists the urge to smirk. He lets his hand trail down Jame’s shoulder and rest over his chest. He can feel the erratic thumping of James’ heart under his palm. 

Checkmate, brother. 

James opens his mouth like he’s about to say something, and Regulus doesn’t anticipate the uncoordinated mess this will make when he lunges forward, effectively capturing James’ teeth with his lips. James seems to get the message sooner than later, thankfully, and presses back with lips this time. Without further preamble, Regulus is nipping at the chapped skin of James’ lips, licking along the little divots of teeth marks he leaves in his wake. James makes a rather embarrassing yipping noise when he finds Regulus’ hands snaked around his neck and finds Regulus has his hair tugged firmly in his grip. 

When Regulus feels the softness of James’ mouth begin to gape open under the sharpness of his teeth, he can’t help but briefly think that James is a damn good kisser. A louder, more oppressive part of him is only thinking about the fact that he’s won, he’s gained the upper hand. James’ plans to play mediator are fucked if the scales of bias are tipped in his favour. 

Regulus: 1, Sirius: 0 

Regulus feels James shift under his grip, squirming, and quickly pulls away. He supposes it’s about time he took a breather anyways. He tries to back up at least a full step, but James’ hands are clutching his jacket, giving Regulus only enough room to breath his own air. 

If James’ state of disarray is anything to go by, all red-lipped and mussed up hair and dopey look in his eyes, he’d consider his endeavours a success. 

“I- I-” James seems at an utter loss for words. “Regulus, what… why did- um, I just mean-” he sputtered, nonsensically, blinking hard as though he couldn’t believe his eyes. 

“I’m not that good a kisser, Potter.” Regulus can’t help but tease. He runs a hand over James’ cheek bone, feeling the effects the cold chill of the September air has had against his warmed cheeks. “God, you’re cold,” he murmurs, and with a sudden burst of boldness he adds on; “maybe we could go inside and… warm up ?” he purrs, trying to keep the confident tone in his voice, but James steps away, slowly. Evidently, the jig is up. 

“Uh, look Reg, this is nice and all,” James says and Regulus’ gut stings with the pang of rejection, “but… I think-”

Shit. The adrenaline drop hits and a wave of clarity threatens to drown him. 

“Save it.” Regulus bristles, trying to preserve whatever dignity he had left. He turned away to hide the blush of embarrassment from James’ view. “I’m- I shouldn’t have come at you like that, I’m-”

“ What ?” James balks, like he’s offended. “You- no! I- I mean, it was… it was lovely, alright?” James sighs, thoughtfully. 

Regulus feels the crackle of nervous energy all around them and he suddenly feels very, very stupid. Of course James would think he was being lovely , he was acting lovely! What a stupid fucking plan. He had definitely gone and ruined everything now. God, if James ever found out that kiss was a “suck it” to his brother…

“You don’t mean-” Regulus is about to protest, but James is suddenly insistent. 

“Don’t start with that.” he says, laughing and smiling at Regulus like the sun shines out of his arse. “I mean it, Reg, alright? But it’s… well, I don’t feel comfortable being used for you to get back at your brother.”

Regulus’ brain short circuits. 

“You- uh, sorry?” he stammers. He waits for a bigger reaction from James, waits for him to get upset, but James just cocks his head. 

“I mean, I really just don’t want to get in the middle of it, you know? Not my place. Besides, I really did come out here because I wanted to check in, so…” James shrugs. 

“I…” Regulus croaks, his mouth falling open in shock. “That’s not why I… I just- you were…”

“It’s okay!” James insists. “Honestly, I’m… super okay with it, trust me.” he chuckles as if this isn’t the most embarrassing day of Regulus’ life. “I’ll just… look, we should be going to bed. We’ll talk in the morning, okay?”

There’s a firm hand pressed to Regulus' lower back and he lets out a gasp, but James only moves to guide him back into the house. When they get in, he even takes the jacket back off his shoulders and hangs it up on the coat rack. Regulus immediately registers the way the air around him no longer smells like James. He whips around and opens his mouth to say something, hoping to salvage whatever aura of assuredness had possessed him just moments ago. 

“James, I didn’t mean for you to feel… used.” he says, the word leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. How could he have done that to James? “I didn’t mean… I wasn’t thinking-”

To this James just shakes his head, hand now resting on Regulus’ shoulder, seemingly just to emphasise the height he has over him. 

“I don’t do anything I don’t want to do, Regulus.” he says with a confidence that has Regulus’ knees almost buckling under him. “And I seem to remember kissing you back, didn’t I?” he asks. His voice is low and sultry as he whispers the question to Regulus, like a note on a piano so low that it reverberates through your bones yet you aren’t entirely sure it ever made a sound in the first place. “Didn’t I?” he whispers, softly. Regulus gulps down any words that might have embarrassed him and just nodded. James' lips tugged up at the corners. “Exactly. We’re good, Reg, alright? We’ll talk tomorrow.” he says, already walking towards the guest room. “Get some rest.” he calls out as he rounds the corner. 

Alone in the dark of the hallway, Regulus’ tries, in vain, to shake himself out of whatever spell James evidently had him under. The only plus side he can note about being completely dazed by the unstoppable force that called itself James Potter was that he no longer seemed to posses the mental capacity to be embarrassed or overthink any longer. 

He goes about his routine in a hazy state of speechlessness, his mind filled with thoughts of strong hands and warm eyes. Even though it’s been such a short time since the incident , Regulus can’t help but wonder how much now he is remembering and how much he is making up. 

Of course, his subconscious allows him to drift off to sleep with the lingering thought that is equally as depressing as it is comforting; if he had made it up, he would never have created a version of James that would hold him to delicately.

Chapter Text

It’s a complicated dance, making up with Sirius. 

Regulus feels the tension in the air the minute he steps out of his room at the same time as Sirius. The two of them literally dance around each other, neither of them willing to give up their morning routine. It’s a race towards the bathroom and a show of brute strength as they both shove themselves through the door at the same time, while simultaneously trying to shove the other out. 

Wordlessly, they resolve to share the space which… Well, it’s something, right? 

Regulus watches Sirius’ go through his twenty step skin care routine through the mirror while he brushes his teeth. They switch spots when they're done and it’s Regulus’ turn to lather his face in (considerably less) product. 

They remain relatively quiet until Remus stomps in alongside them. 

You never realise how small your bathroom is until you’re sharing it with two other people as they play tonsil hockey against the sink you need to wash your face in. 

Regulus watches in perpetual terror as Remus attacks his brother's neck with his mouth and then proceeds to lean over into the sink, lather his face in hand soap , rinse it off in one swift motion, and walk out of the bathroom, his face still dripping.

Regulus shoots Sirius a look of horrified disgust. His sentiments are only amplified when he sees the look of dreamy longing on his brother’s face. Suddenly all feelings of animosity are dispelled in favour of brotherly teasing. 

“He just washed his face with a bar of soap, pull yourself together.” Regulus mutters, nudging his brother out of the way to wash his hands. 

Sirius elbows him back. “He has his redeeming qualities. I can let it go.” he says, resolutely.

Regulus scoffs but can’t help the weightless feeling in his shoulders when he sees the faintest hint of a smile playing on Sirius’ face. He sighs in relief when Sirius is gone and he finally has enough room in the cramped little bathroom to breathe again. 

Ted is in the kitchen, Nymphadora drifting in and out of sleep in his arms as Kreacher fusses over her. The table is set where Andromeda and James sit, discussing the morning news in the paper across Andromeda’s lap. Remus and Sirius bring in plates of eggs on toast and cups of coffee and offer them up to the whole room, setting them down in the middle of the table. 

“Morning.” He says to no one in particular, making a bee-line for the coffee pot. He frowns when he finds it empty, but when a warm hand is pressed to his shoulder and an even warmer cup of coffee is being slipped into his hands, it doesn't last very long. 

“Morning.” James says, barely over a whisper. 

Regulus’ mind releases the floodgates and every memory of last night comes crashing in to drown him. Every glance he’s ever snuck at James Potter since he was eleven rushes to the forefront of his mind, now reinforced by the thought that he knows the warmth of those lips pressed against his own, the soft touch of that skin against his own. 

Feelings of resentment, of jealousy, of confusion, of shame flood his mind and he’s reminded of why he’s kept such a considerable distance between James and himself all these years. 

James Potter, you see, is this unstoppable force, a gravitational pull all his own. Regulus knows that’s why he and Sirius get on like a house on fire; the two of them, constantly in motion, keeping up pace with each other. 

He couldn’t afford to get wrapped up in all of that. James Potter was a distraction, every second spent with him gave Regulus whiplash: he was never close enough to James to be pulled in by his center of gravity, but every time their paths crossed, he left Regulus stumbling in his wake. Until yesterday, that is, when Regulus decided to throw any preamble out the window and let himself be swept up by James’... everything . James makes him feel dizzy and disoriented, like he can't find his footing. 

And the worst part is, he’s not sure he minds.

“Can we talk?” James is asking before Regulus can pull himself out of his own head. He’s suddenly all too aware of how silent the room is. He looks over his shoulder and catches Sirius’ accusatory glare. 

“I just… I have to… ” Regulus whispers back. He stares at James’ hands curled around a cup of tea rather than look him in the eyes. “Maybe later,” he mutters. 

He steps away from James, hoping they aren’t close enough for James to feel the heat of his cheeks that’s blistering across his face. He lets out a thankful sigh when James lets him walk by. 

Regulus makes his rounds of ‘good mornings’ before placing his untouched coffee down on the table and shuffling into his boots and coat. He was out the door before you could say boo, and only just realised as he was practically sprinting away that his narrow escape probably didn’t come off as nonchalantly as he would have liked. 

When he makes it halfway to the barn, he’s less upset than he expected to be when he hears the sound of footsteps, followed by four paws scrambling across the gravel, and James’ voice calling out his name. 

Leo reaches him first, racing over and jumping up onto his haunches to reach Regulus. He's embarrassed at how easily the puppy eyes disarm him.

“Reg, hey.” James sighs, contentedly, as he slows to a stop in front of where Regulus is crouched on the gravel with Leo. 

“Hi…” He whispers in fear of his voice breaking. James shuffles his feet in the small stones awkwardly. 

In the seconds that silence hangs between them, Regulus examines James. He can see all of him in the daylight, which means that James can see all of him too. It makes Regulus’ stomach turn itself inside out. 

Regulus pushes the twisting feeling in his gut down so he can take James in fully. He glances over James’ curled up fists, the soft outline of veins that track up his arms. He’s wearing the jacket he gave Regulus last night, just to rub it in. He watches James’ stomach as it absently follows the rhythm of his chest, rising and falling with each breath. He examines the outline of his throat, watching each swallow, observing the abandoned clench or slight opening from his jaw. He could cut himself on the sharp edge of James’ jaw, or his cheekbones. He doesn’t look at James’ mouth or eyes —he knows better now. 

“You didn’t want any breakfast?” James asks, in lieu of addressing the elephant in the room. Regulus shifts uncertainly on his feet, bracing himself to meet James at eye level. When Leo runs away, darting across the field, he seems to take Regulus’ courage with him. James sighs when Regulus pointedly turns away. “I just… thought we should talk…”

“So you’ve said.” Regulus mumbles, opting to feign apathy rather than confront… well, anything , as a general rule. As he stalks away to make it look like he has some important things to be doing elsewhere, he lets out an exasperated sigh at the sound of James trailing behind him. 

“Yes! I've said quite a lot by now. Even for me.” James muses as he falls into step with Regulus, following him to… wherever he’s leading them. “And, I can’t help but notice that you have done very little talking! So, maybe that’s just a Regulus thing, or-”

“A Regulus thing?” the aforementioned man guffaws. 

“Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but you just… don’t seem big on… feelings…”

“What the actual fuck is that supposed to mean, Potter?” Regulus demands, trying to keep the amused tone out of his voice. James snorts, giving Regulus’ shoulder a playful shove, very nearly sending him toppling over before catching him by his arm. 

“You know what I mean. You Black brothers are more alike than you’d think, really.”

“ My brother? Sirius Black ?” Regulus asks with an almost cackle. “No, no, you must be mistaken. See, my brother never shuts the hell up. God forbid you get him talking about himself!” 

James laughs, and it’s this bright, honest, sunny noise that nearly startles Regulus. 

“Maybe you are the funny one.” James concedes as they round the corner of the fence, walking along the sort of “in between” area that gives the house distance from the cabins. 

Regulus hums his affirmative response but says nothing more. He tries opening and closing his mouth preemptively, desperate to keep the conversation afloat. Thankfully James seems to pick up on his inner turmoil and takes Regulus’ confused silence as his cue to cut straight through the solid pile of bullshit Regulus has been trying to cover everything with. . 

James takes a deep breath and says; “Um, last night was…”

“My mistake.” Regulus finishes for him. The excuses don’t have a chance to leave his mouth before he’s startled by the action of James reaching out and grabbing his hand.

Regulus’ breath catches in his throat as his gaze tears itself away from the ground and firmly locks on James’ eyes. Those soft, warm brown eyes, laced with hurt and confusion and Regulus hates that he put those things there. 

He’s about to apologise when James says; “An alternate phrase might be ‘a very nice experience.’ but, to each their own.”

Regulus shakes his head in disbelief. “No, James, it wasn’t fair. You were… you were right, I was… being a brat, I’m… I shouldn’t have done that.”

James hums. “Yeah, you shouldn’t have…” Regulus braces himself for the oncoming blow, and still he flinches when the next words carry the same softness. “But I understand. I mean, I'm not thrilled at the circumstances but I get why it's… complicated, so… well, it was a great kiss, anyway!” he says, chipperly. “Only an idiot would be upset about kissing Regulus Black.”

Regulus gives a shocked laugh, and next thing he knows, James is laughing too. They must look ridiculous, the two of them standing together, laughing at nothing. 

“Well, you’re welcome, I suppose?” Regulus says between (honest to god) giggles. 

“Ah, thanks indeed.” James says, with a little bow of his head.

Regulus collects himself and clears his throat. “Still, um, I just, didn’t want you-”

“Let’s talk about you.” James interrupts. “I mean, I know you must be upset still, and you have every right to be! I just… are you upset because of the kiss, or-”

“No!” Regulus says, just a tad too quickly. “Er, no, I’m… not upset because of… that .”

“Ah, good!” James says, his voice dripping with delight. “Well, I mean, good because I definitely don’t regret it, I just… worried you might?” he says, radiating a nervous energy that Regulus hadn’t even thought was an emotion James “Confidence” Potter was capable of. “Sorry, I just wanted to be sure that we were okay? Like obviously you were upset, but it… I don’t know if that was the only reason you decided to… or maybe I’m completely reading this wrong, so just, feel free to, you know… I’ll… shut up now…”

Regulus laughs, feeding off the anxious energy. “No, nothing like that. I just wanted to… clear the air. I- I definitely didn't do it just because of… uh, Sirius.” He says, for lack of better justification. 

James raises an eyebrow but says nothing, so Regulus sighs and musters up enough fake confidence to stop his hands from shaking. 

“I suppose there were… ulterior motivations.” He glances up at James, hoping they're on the same page.

James flashes that radiant smile of his. “Cool…”

Regulus turns a concerning shade of red. “Yeah…”

Then, James clears his throat and asks the dreaded question . 

“So… what does this mean ? For us, I mean.”

Ah, that…

Regulus is quiet for a moment too long, turning the question over in his head over and over. It takes an embarrassingly long time for him to think up an answer, which he only realises from the way James’ hand shifts to slowly let go of his wrist. 

“James I… honestly? I don’t do things like this all that often.” the words tumble out, gracelessly. “I just… I worry.”

James’ hand has slipped into his own. When did that happen?

“Worry about what?” James asks calmly, as though he can’t feel Regulus vibrating out of his skin against his palm. 

Regulus shakes his head, smiling. “It’s… stupid.”

“Can’t be.” he says, his voice unwavering, his gaze even more sincere.

“Hmm… just… everything, I suppose? Mucking everything up?” 

James smiles softly, tracing circles over Regulus’ knuckles. “Yeah, I sort of picked up on that general vibe.” He laughs when Regulus pushes him, playfully. “I just mean that I understand… I don’t know if you  can tell, but I actually haven’t done… this in a while either, if that makes you feel any better?” Regulus leans back with an incredulous look. James tips his head, as though he’s embarrassed. “Well, it’s the truth. My only really serious relationship was with Lily and, well, you can see why that didn’t work out. We actually broke up right before the school dance in year eight. Lucky for Mary though, she got to dance with her all night.”

“You cannot expect me to believe that no one since year eight has managed to catch your attention.” Regulus says skeptically. 

“Well, a few first dates here and there.” He says, and Regulus is about to say ‘I told you so’ when James gives his hand a squeeze. “Nothing memorable. Nothing like this.”

After the briefest of pauses, Regulus lets out a shaky puff of air. “Well, you certainly know how to make someone feel good about themselves.”

James hums, contentedly, as they begin to approach the house once again. “Good. You should feel good about yourself more often.”

And what the fuck do you say to something like that?

They approach the barn silently. Regulus starts to worry what would happen now if he let James out of his sight? Surely that would be the end of all this, right? The minute James leaves, he’ll be gone, and Regulus –as terrified of he is to keep him– can’t bear to let him go yet. As a last ditch attempt to keep James interested, he weakly mumbles; “Want to help me fix the paddock gate?”

Of course, James says yes. One thing about James Potter, he’s a fix-it man through and through. Lucky for Regulus, this place is falling apart just enough to keep his interest. 

- - - - - 

The day passes much faster with James. Despite Regulus’ own assumption, James is not as big a distraction as he originally imagined. Even when they aren’t working side by side, so long as Regulus can look out a door and see James fiddling with some tools, or look over his shoulder and see James playing fetch with Leo, he feels steady, like he’s tied to an anchor. That doesn’t, however, stop the rapid thumping of his heart that shakes him to his very core. The scary part was that he wasn’t running from any of it. 

That’s why, when dinner rolls around, he’s quickly snapped out of his little bubble of peaceful reality. 

Leo comes barking to get them as he and James finish restocking cabin toiletries. Regulus stops in his tracks at the thought of having to return to the house after what felt like no time at all. James shoots him a worrying look from where he stands out on the patio. 

“Alright Reg?”

“Mhmm.” is all Regulus can muster. And bless James’ heart when he comes over anyways, meeting him in the middle of the courtyard, takes Regulus’ hands in his own and holds him firmly. 

“Hey,” he whispers, even though there’s no one listening, “what’s happened?” 

Regulus can’t help his subsequent laugh. He just shakes his head at James. Mentally, he’s preparing himself to face Sirius. They were already on thin ice, but now… God only knows what Sirius would think if he knew… Well, there’s a 50/50 chance that Sirius might never speak to him again, or just kill him dead on sight. 

The stroking of fingers over his knuckles pulls him out of his own head. 

“Hey,” James calls out to him, “talk to me.”

Regulus shakes his head again, letting out a sharp breath. “It’s just… Sirius.” He barks out a sudden laugh. “It's always Sirius…” he says, mournfully. “God I already know what he's going to think… That I stole you from him… He hates sharing…”

James doesn't say anything as he follows Regulus out into the courtyard towards the bike. Leo circles them excitedly, preparing for their nightly race, clearly unable to read the room. It isn't until Regulus is settled on the bike that James takes a moment to stand over him, hand on his upper arm, and off the smallest of comforts.

“Look, Reg,” James says, mustering what must be all the confidence in the world and forcing it into his voice, “I love Sirius to death, alright? But he is not my keeper… and if he has anything to say about, well…” he runs a nervous hand through his hair and for once Regulus finds the words within him to comfort James.

“I suppose it's hardly his place.” He says hesitantly.

“Right!” James agrees, almost enthusiastically.

“And Sirius hates to acknowledge things he doesn't want to see…” He prompts. 

James nods along, piecing it all together. “So really, if he had to… connect the dots himself…”

“Well, that couldn't be anyone's fault but his own.” Regulus shrugs, passing off the bike helmet to James.

James settles in behind Regulus with a laugh. “You're quite devious, you know? We'll make a Marauder of you yet.” 

Regulus shivers when James loops his arms around his waist. As the two of them mount the bike, he conceals the subsequent shudder with the revving of the bike engine. The entire ride back to the house, Regulus is focused on the feeling of surety that radiates from where James holds on his middle, on the certainty of James' chest behind him. 

The security he feels in letting himself be completely swept up in James’ whirlwind is altogether less disorienting than trying to resist him ever was.

As the bike rolls up to the house, Regulus’ stomach drops when he sees Sirius standing in the window, arms crossed over his chest, hip cocked, eyes narrowed. James seems to spot him as soon as Regulus does, and he tries to nonchalantly slip his arms away from Regulus’ waist, only to get an even more sour look from Sirius. 

Immediately he feels caught, and he feels guilty. 

“He’s quite terrifying, isn’t he?” James whispers as he dismounts from the bike. “And I thought telling you would be difficult…”

“Out of pot, into the fire.” Regulus sighs, trying to rouse up all his confidence. 

Dinner, however, is not as tense as initially expected. It proves incredibly difficult for anyone to pay attention to anything except Nymphadora from where she’s perched in Andromeda’s arms. She starts crying about halfway through the meal and everyone shoots up to take her off Andromeda’s hands. Eventually Remus gets a chance to hold her and she falls right back to sleep in his arms. There’s a permanent furrow that wrinkles her brow, even in sleep, and Remus remarks that “she’s definitely inherited the Black attitude.”

Over all the fussing, Regulus examines her small frame, wondering what baby’s have to be crying about so often. He wonders if he or Sirius or Andromeda ever cried so much as babies, wonders if maybe the tears weren’t properly soothed out of them as children. 

When Regulus volunteers to take Nymphadora up to her crib, he holds her against his chest and promises to himself that she will be the first of them all to grow up untouched by that dreadful melancholy. He holds her tightly as he lays her down to sleep and dares not whisper the name of this promise.

“You used to be just like that.” Sirius’ voice startles him from where he's perched in the doorway. “Crying all the time. Inconsolable.” He muses as he strides into the room. Regulus bristles as their shoulders brush, but he keeps his gaze fixed upon his sleeping niece in her crib.

“You don't remember that, you were an infant yourself.”

“Yeah but you didn't shake the colic until you were like twelve.” 

“Oh piss off.”

“Careful! If those are her first words Andy'll flay the skin from your body.”

There's silence for a long time. Regulus rocks back and forth, up and down on his heels periodically before Sirius sighs and finally pulls the trigger. 

“I'm… sorry.”

And that's… well…

“I… don't think I've heard those words come out of your mouth…” 

Sirius sucks in a pained breath. “Yeah, it's actually very hard for me, so…”

Silence.

“What I mean,” Sirius announces, suddenly turning to face Regulus, “is that… I'm sorry that I haven't… God, this is…” Another shaky breath. He begins pacing in a small circle and Regulus starts to wonder whether Sirius is about to have a heart attack.

“We don't have to do this…” Regulus offers, hoping to put them both out of their misery. Sirius shakes his head with determination. 

“No, no, I need to say this, I spent all day practising with Remus so just let me…” He cuts off his own rambling with a final sigh. Then, without warning, he looks up at Regulus, just barely avoiding eye contact. “I'm sorry I've been a shit brother, okay? I know it's been… Well, we've always been… difficult , but I have no excuse. You needed me and I needed you too and neither of us were ever there so, like, obviously we’re both a little…” he makes a vague gesture between the two of them. “So, yeah, for that, I'm sorry…” There's another painful pause after all that calculated monologuing, after which Sirius tactfully tags on; “Oh, and I'm sorry about upsetting you the other day, also…”.

“It's fine-”

“Well, I just wanted to be sure it was, coz I was just trying to have a proper catch up, you know? But, I get it, I pushed it too far, and you don't… owe it to me, to tell me things… but, just know I want to know them. In case you ever do. Want to share, that is.” 

Regulus sighs. Deep down he really wishes he could let that be the moment where all the guilt rushes off of him in waves and he finally lets Sirius in to all the things they’ve missed over the years. In light of new developments, however… Well, one more secret wouldn't kill Sirius. Besides he made a promise to James who, unlike his brother, has yet to be known to be a breaker of vows.

The pettiness makes Regulus feel victorious for all of one second before the guilt begins to loom over him, its shadow somehow heavier now. 

Old feelings of harboured bitterness are itching for vengeance inside him. They fight desperately against the newly formed hope that might let Regulus see this open door as anything other than a trap. It's not a war to be won in any short amount of time, so the only word he can offer Sirius is; 

“Thank you… and I'm sorry as well…”

Sirius opens and closes his mouth like he wants to say something else, but ultimately settles for a soft sigh and a nearly imperceptible smile. He pats Regulus in a very lad-ish manner before leaving the room. 

Regulus exhales in relief. He waits long enough to be sure that Sirius has cleared out of the hallway before giving Nymphadora a parting glance and leaving her to rest.  

He finds his room quiet, Leo fast asleep in his little corner, and he can’t help but be grateful for the reprieve. Listening to Sirius ramble at you is enough to exhaust anyone. It’s just as he sits down at the edge of the bed that a knock at the door disturbs him once again. 

“I heard about what Sirius said… wanna talk about it?” James calls from the hallway. Regulus smiles, in spite of himself, and rises to meet James. 

James is in his pyjama pants and a baggy shirt, looking despicable handsome for the state he’s in. He smiles that smile of his and extends his hand, a cup of water clutched in it; an offering. Regulus accepts the cup and opens the door widely as a means of inviting James in. As Regulus moves to sit on his bed and James follows, opting to stand across from him, leaned up against the wall in a way that would seem douchey on anyone else but on James? Well, Regulus is embarrassed to admit what James Potter makes him feel at any time so…

“We just talked.” Regulus says, which is really the absence of a response. “It was fine. I’m fine.” he tacks on. 

“Just because you’re not upset doesn’t mean you don’t have to talk about it.” James says, as he passes him his tea. “I like hearing about what makes you happy too.”

Regulus rolls his eyes. “James Potter, if I didn’t know any better I’d peg you for a romantic.” James makes a neither-here-nor-there gesture with a wobbling movement of his head. Regulus hums as he takes another sip of water. “I don't really know what you want me to say…”

“Well, I know he was really worried about you not forgiving him.” James ventures. He speaks as though his words are walking on eggshells. “And I know he left out… a few things he probably should have apologised for… don’t you agree?”

Regulus sighs, turning away from James, cupping his chin in his unoccupied hand. “Well, I suppose it’s as much as I can expect from him.” He resolves that this is not the time to unload onto James how he and Sirius were not raised in an “apology encouraging” household. That conversation has been long exhausted. 

“I’m glad you two are… well, not having an all out brawl at least?” James teases and Regulus smiles softly down into his tea. 

“Yes, we’ve come so far from the feral demon children who used to resolve fights by seeing who could bite the other the hardest and declaring a winner.” James sputtered a choked-off sound of shock. “I’m kidding.” Regulus supplies. Mostly , he doesn’t add on.

“Well, I’m glad you’re both past that as well.” James laughs. 

“I wouldn’t be too sure about Sirius if the way he treats his boyfriend like his personal chew toy is anything to go by.” Regulus says in a sing-songy voice. James, somehow immediately understanding the implications of Regulus’ “gossip voice”, leans forward in the desk chair, elbows planted on his knees. 

“Do tell,” he implores. Regulus can’t help but notice that this is becoming rather like a sophisticated sleepover. If he keeps this up, he’ll have James painting his nails by midnight. 

“Please tell me you’ve been fortunate enough never to have had to share a bathroom with them.” Regulus groans. James’ eyes widen and his jaw slacks, just barely loosening the amused look on his face. “He left teeth marks . God forbid they had flesh-tearing canines. Vampires, both of them.” 

James gives a fond shake of his head and they fall into silence. Regulus ducks his gaze away before he notices the heat of James’ glance across the suddenly too small room. He feels the warmth in his own ears travelling down to his chest and settling in the pit of his stomach. 

He looks out at the moon from where she begins to peak out from behind the clouds, washing the room in pale light. Regulus tries desperately not to look at James under the moonlight. Regulus has already made so many rushed, uncharacteristic decisions today and the romantic light of the moon can’t do anything to aid the return of his rational sensibilities. 

There’s no sound for the longest time until Regulus hears James shuffling at the desk, pushing himself upright. 

He risks a glance. 

“I should probably get to bed.” James drawls, the sultry sound of sleep already seeping into his voice. “I just figured, I’d come up and… you know…” he trails off, a nervous hand tugging at his ear. 

Regulus cocks his head. Does he know? He’d like to imagine what James came up here for but, well, what were the odds of that... there's no way…

Is there?

“And what?” he asks, innocently; another risk. 

It’s James’ turn to duck his head. He’s stood up straight and he towers over the bed, casting shadows over Regulus. 

“Just… wanted to make sure we could talk? If we’re gonna do… this , I want you to know I’m here… to talk or… to not talk?” he says, pointedly locking eyes with Regulus as he slips in that last phrase. Regulus raises an eyebrow. 

“So… you didn’t sneak up to my room, under cover of night, to get lai-”

“Ah! No! Um, no…” James sputters a little too quickly. Regulus suppresses a laugh. “I just, um, well I wouldn’t, you know, be opposed but! But, I did really mean just talk… we can do that, right?”

Regulus’ gaze softens, deciding to have mercy on the poor man. “Of course we can talk James… that- this means a lot…” Regulus trails off, unsure whether or not he had the right words to properly thank James and have it mean something. Instead he says: “You can talk too.” to which James gives him a confused look. “Or not talk. About your problems, that is… I just… want this to be… equal . I don’t want you to feel like I’m not there for you . A- and if my… shit ever becomes too much, you-”

“I don’t think I could ever get enough of you.” James interjects abruptly. 

The two of them stare at each other in stunned silence before the corners of their mouths begin to twitch in sync and, before they know it, they’re both laughing. 

“Sorry,” James chuckles, “wow, that was really cheesy. Gross.” 

“Yes, quite.”

“What I meant was, I’ll keep being here as long as you’ll have me, okay?”

Regulus inclines his head as James pads closer and closer to the bed, their knees nearly brushing. “Well,” he muses, “that was hardly less cheesy, if that was what you were going for.” Regulus hums, lowly. 

James hums back. “I’ll try harder next time.”

He seems to be getting even closer despite there being hardly any room left between them. Is he leaning down? Is Regulus reaching up? Lips are pressed together before they can decide who’s started what, but it hardly matters when the action itself silences all the thoughts running around inside Regulus’ head, soothing them to sleep. 

It’s odd, in retrospect, how unmistakably unheated the kiss is, even as James uses his advantageous height and strength to lean into the kiss, pushing Regulus backwards onto the bed, laying him down, their lips never parting for more than a second. 

In the end, James is the one to pull away, concluding their night with a soft kiss to Regulus’ cheek, a gentle petting of his hair, and a lowly whispered ‘goodnight’ as he steps away from Regulus, his eyes never leaving him as he slips out of the room. 

Regulus sighs softly into the warm night air and dreams of the sun.

Chapter Text

If Regulus was a religious man, he might think that God had personally sent his brother down to earth to test him. 

“ReggieReggieReggieReggieReggie!”

Suddenly he’s eight years old again and Sirius is sneaking treats into his room for his birthday, jumping all over the room, and Regulus has to fight to hide his exhausted smile in his pillow. 

“Get off.” Regulus grunts, as loudly as he can, but it would be a minor miracle at this point to get Sirius to stop bouncing the mattress.

“I can't! We officially have the day off! So, obviously, I have to take Moony out on the town and you have to come!” He says excitedly, his arms never ceasing their efforts to shake Regulus out of bed.

He rolls away from Sirius, groaning into the mattress. “You hardly need a chaperone, Sirius, let me sleep.”

With that, Sirius launches his entire body at the bed, dramatically sprawling out over his brother. 

“The fuck?” Regulus squawks.

“We must have fun Reggie! I will wither away in this house!” Sirius gasps, hand thrown over his eyes in efforts to aid the dramatic effect. “Besides,” he says, returning to his normal tone, “Andy insists that if she has to take a month off work, we at least have to take a weekend. Honestly she’s so dramatic, you’d think we were holding her hostage. You must take a vacation, I know where you live! ” He cries out, making his voice deep and gravely. Before Regulus can say anything in response, Sirius shoots up like a firecracker. "Anyways, I must be off. I’m late, I'm late for a very important date!” and he’s gone just as quickly as he came.

Thankfully the kitchen was quiet when he came down. Andromeda and Ted and Nymphadora are still asleep, but there’s coffee laid out on the table and Remus, Sirius and James are all sat around it, talking and laughing easily. Regulus feels a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

James is the first to notice him. He smiles that infuriatingly gorgeous smile of his and calls out to him. 

“Morning.” he chirps, before he’s interrupted by Sirius who shoves his phone in his face. 

“Pete’s on the phone!” he shouts (evidently the quiet could only last so long). “Say hi to Reggie, Pete!” Sirius shouts, at the phone this time.

“Oh, uh, hi Regulus,” Peter’s voice crackles through the receiver. “How’s it?”

“Alright I suppose,” Regulus sighs, feigning indifference as he slides into his seat next to James, who gives him a playfully offended nudge under the table. Sirius gives them an inquisitive look, but thankfully Remus picks up the conversation with Peter, effectively distracting him. 

By the time their coffee is finished and they’ve said their goodbyes to Peter, Sirius shoots up with a clap of his hands. 

“Right! Time to hit the town boys!” he says, and he’s practically out the door the minute the words leave his mouth. That means Remus is the second out, and James follows, so really Regulus would feel like an idiot just standing around in the kitchen by himself. He leaves a scribbled out note for Ted and Andromeda before following his brother and his friends into the truck. 

“Okay, brekkie first, and then I promised my Moonbeam a trip to the bookstore.” Sirius says as he starts up the engine. 

Regulus almost gags when Remus leans over to give him a kiss on the cheek, but it gives James the perfect cover to reach over and lace their fingers together, so he holds his tongue. 

Sirius pops in a CD he burned a few years back and the car is wracked with the sounds of Alan Parker shredding the opening riff to Rebel Rebel . Of course, Sirius can’t resist not being the center of attention and just has to belt out alongside Bowie. Remus and James indulge him, singing in a poor attempt at harmony. Regulus, in turn, makes a show of rolling his eyes and throwing his head back in the seat. James squeezes his hand tighter and he bites back a smile. 

Just as they pull into town properly, a new song fades in and Sirius gasps so loudly that Regulus braces for impact. 

“Oh, Reggie! It’s our song!” he practically squealed, hands thumping against the wheel to the beat.

Regulus groans, separating his hand from James in favour of hiding his face in them. The verse to “A Letter to Elise” starts blaring through the speakers as Sirius cranks up the volume. Regulus cowers into the corner of the car as Sirius begins to sing along horrendously. 

James raises his voice over the music. “Why’s this your song?” he asks. 

“School talent show!” Sirius shouts back. “We didn’t tell Orion or Walburga so we could sing whatever we wanted!”

“And you decided to sing this ?” Remus asks. “How old were you?”

“Like eight and six? Long before we developed our sense of social preservation, anyways.” Sirius responds. He shrugs at Remus’ subsequently astounded look. “We were very emotionally intelligent children.” 

“I think you mean emotionally stunted .” Regulus pipes up. He choses that moment to shoot forward over the console and pop the CD out. 

Sirius, instead of putting up a fight, just settles the CD back into its case. “Eh, tomato, tom-ah-to.” he shrugs. 

The four of them somehow manage to make their way into the café. It’s a quaint little place with Victorian style furniture and classy book cases contrasting the subtle industrialist accents throughout the place. Remus, with all his muted earth tones and soft fabrics, nearly camouflages in their surroundings. Remus and Sirius go to place their orders, leaving James and Regulus to settle into a soft couch. James, not so subtly, sits himself a little too close to Regulus, which causes him to blush more than he would ever admit. 

“You might as well tell him, Potter, or do you just like being a tease?” Regulus asks in a hushed voice. James nudges their shoulders together. 

“I’ve got nothing to hide.” he says, haughtily. “I’m quite proud actually.”

Regulus rolls his eyes to hide his fondness. “Whatever…” he mumbles, for lack of a better response. 

When Sirius and Remus return with a plethora of pastries and teas, they settle into a full gossip session. Sirius somehow has kept up with everyone they went to high school with and decides it vital to fill them in on which couples did or did not survive post-graduation. Regulus tunes most of this out, feeling content enough with his soft pastries and the feeling of James pressed up against his side. 

By the time Remus is ready for seconds and Sirius has moved on to sharing celebrity tabloid gossip, Regulus’ phone rings. It’s Ted. 

Regulus shook himself out of his James induced stupor to answer the phone, putting Ted on speaker. 

“Regulus,” Ted cuts in before Regulus has a chance to say hello. “She’s too big for the crib.” 

“...What?” 

“She’s too big for the damn crib.” he repeats. “She won’t get comfy. Her legs are all squished up.”

“Don’t babies only come in one size?” Sirius asks, bluntly.

“Well I’ve never had one before, have I? So how would I know that?” Ted says, bitterly. 

“Tetchy.” Sirius whispers to himself. 

“All I know is that this crip is too cramped and she hates it. Kept us up half the night.” Ted continues, with a well timed yawn. Distantly, Regulus can hear the sound of Nymphadora crying in the background. “Just- stop by the department store and grab us a new one? Oh- and get a car seat-”

“Ted, she’s hardly grown that much overnight.” Regulus insists.

“Can never be too prepared Reggie!” he hears Andromeda call out to him. With that, Ted grumbles his goodbye and hangs up unceremoniously. 

“Sounds like a mission for the marauders, right lads?” Sirius prompted. 

“Saying things like that doesn’t actually make your little boys club sound cooler, you know?” Regulus said as the four of them rose from the comfortable couches, collecting plates and cups. 

“Um, I beg to differ.” Sirius says, his face screwed up, indignantly. “You're just jealous you’re not part of the cool kids club.” He adds on with a flourish as they make their way to the exit. 

“Yes, that's it. You've figured me out.” Regulus deadpans as the four of them pile back into the truck. James manages to nonchalantly slip himself into the middle seat before they begin to drive towards the nearest shopping center in the city proper. 

Regulus decodes James’ not-so-subtle plan the moment he registers (1) the fact that their arms are pressing together again, and (2) they so tightly squished together that Regulus can feel the vaguest shape of rippling muscle under James’ sweater. James winks at him slyly and Regulus gives him a more discrete kick on the shin to (hopefully) distract him from the evidently permanent blush dusting his cheeks. 

Sirius, thankfully, has distracted himself with telling Remus about all the things he needs to shop for once they get to the mall –things for himself, obviously, little presents for Nymphadora (he has to start one-upping Arthur as soon as possible) and he tells Remus to “get yourself something nice” at the bookstore, flipping his wallet out to him, distastefully. Remus, somehow, doesn’t appear put off and only shakes his head (fondly, if you can believe it). 

They reach the mall without further embarrassment from Sirius (and without raising suspicion, thankfully for Regulus) and from there, it’s a matter of dividing and conquering; car seats are on sale in a different store than the cribs, but it’s closer to the store where Sirius wants to do his clothes shopping, but further from the toy store. They decide that Sirius and Remus will tackle Sirius’ wardrobe and the carseat while James (who offered, in his own words, to) put his muscles to use lugging the crib from one end of the mall to the other with Regulus. They agreed to park near the food court so they could all meet up in two hours and grab lunch. 

They split with little fanfare, Sirius already far too excited to drag Remus off and have a “makeover montage” (which is what he liked to call trying on all the clothes in every store in the shopping center.). The minute they were out of sight, lost amongst the crowd of teenagers and tourists, James was wrapped around Regulus, arms snaking around his middle, a kiss pressed to the back of his neck not soon after. 

Regulus makes an embarrassing squeaking noise. He attempts to duck away from James’ face, but only ends up pressing himself further into his chest. 

“What do you think you’re doing, Potter?” he says, afraid to raise his voice over a whisper, throwing a glance over his shoulder just in case. 

“What I’ve been wanting to do all bloody morning.” James sighs, as though the wait has been down right perilous. 

Before long, their hands are entwined once more, as they walk side by side through the mall. James holds him so firmly that he doesn’t worry once that he will ever let go. His heart is beating so hard he’s worried everyone around them can hear it. His ears flush red with embarrassment and he tucks his head down to hide the heat in his cheeks.

Regulus quickly comes to find out that James is a horrendous shopping partner. He window shops like it’s his job, allows every well meaning salesperson to get him to take a free sample of all their random shit, and even cajoles Regulus into going into some of the stores to “shop around”. 

“James, we came here for a crib. I highly doubt they sell those in there.” Regulus groans as he lets James drag him through the threshold of a store filled to the brim with more colourful clothes than Regulus has ever seen in his lifetime. 

James either ignores him or is too distracted to respond. He already has a shirt clutched in his hands, rubbing the fabric between his fingers. “Thirty percent off?” he says (to himself) in disbelief. “God, they’re just giving this away. Steal!” he sing-songs, folding the shirt over his arm like he’s a waiter. 

Regulus rolls his eyes despite the small grin creeping up onto his face. 

“Fine, look around for fifteen minutes. Then we really have to get going.”

- - -

“Where the fuck have you been?” Sirius has the decency to scream at them across the food court. He’s draped across Remus’ shoulder, a box for a car seat and two paper bags underneath their table. 

James shrugs, all the bags in his hands rustling as he does, and plops down in the chair in front of Sirius. “What can I say, I’m a sucker for a good sale.”

“Or a bad sale.” Regulus tacks on. “Or a charming retail worker. Or a tacky window display.”

James shoots him a look that says you love it . Regulus avoids his gaze, telling himself to pull it together. Of course it’s just then that James has to go and pull out a chair for him. Before long, Regulus is sitting in the chair next to James, which is fine. He can be normal about this, even though he noticed how James subtly pulled the chair closer towards his own when he moved it. Regulus can be an adult, however, and he sinks into the chair with composure, which he definitely doesn’t lose when James’ ankles snake around his own under the table. And he definitely didn’t just miss half their conversation because he was focused on the feeling of James’ calf slotting against his own. 

Thankfully no one seems to notice when Regulus zones out for the next ten minutes that they spend in the food court. He vaguely registers Sirius and Remus and James making conversation around him, but all he can focus on is the way his fingers have subconsciously started tracing small circles over the seam of James’ jeans where their thighs are almost touching.. He checked once or twice to see if James minded, but he never made any move or noise to indicate that he was uncomfortable. In fact, his smile never left his face. But, this is James Potter, so Regulus decides not to read too much into it. 

And yet, he can’t help but wonder if James realizes what he’s doing when he mimics Regulus’ pattern tracing the entire drive back to their house. 

And yet, he still finds himself pondering if James is aware of how he’s tracing little stars over the back of Regulus’ wrist, as his fingers tap-tap-tap self consciously on the leather seat between them. 

And yet, and yet, and yet…

They’re home too soon. 

Ted greets them at the door, entirely disheveled and shirtless to boot. 

“Thank fuck.” He says, forging all formal greetings to grasp at the crib box, snatching it out of James’ hands and beginning to lug it inside.

“Hello to you too.” Sirius grunted as he hefted the bags through the doorway. Ted only shushed him, pointing at a sleeping Andromeda and Nymphadora in the next room. “Ah, I see.” Sirius whispers. “So,” he says, switching focus, “is the lack of shirt a fashion statement or…?”

“I’m a baby vomit victim.” is all Ted says in response.

“She took out every shirt?” Remus gaped in disbelief. 

Ted only grunts in affirmation, and James takes that as a sign to step in and help him lift the box the rest of the way up the stairs.

“Cheers mate.” Ted calls around the box.

“Oh James, our knight in shining armour!” Sirius fawned dramatically. “Whatever would we do without you?”

You could hear the eye roll in James’ response. “You could’ve done the same.”

“Sirius Black, delicate little flower, doing manual labour?” Remus guffaws. 

“It doesn't his wealthy constitution.” Regulus added on, earning a soft chorus of laughter from everyone but Sirius, who only huffed.

“And I won’t even begin to apologize for it now.” He said, all too proudly. “Come now, Moonbeam, I feel like tea.”

Remus scoffed, but followed Sirius into the kitchen nonetheless. “His majesty beckons.”

Regulus opts to follow James and Ted up the stairs into the nursery. He guides them into the room from behind Ted like he’s landing a plane. The box takes up more room than anticipated, so they have to move the pre-constructed crib out . James, naturally, offers to start putting the new crib together so Sirius and Ted can rest with his wife and baby.

Regulus watches them bump and struggle to get the great clunking hunk of wood out through the hallway and down the stairs from across the hall. When the coast is clear, he creeps into the nursery and finds James in the process of ripping the packing tape of the box. 

“Need any help with that?”

James beams up at him. “Well, I wouldn’t mind the company if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Good,” Regulus hums from the doorway, “I’ll just stand here and… inspire you, I suppose?” he says, only mildly embarrassed at his attempts at flirting. 

James makes a low purring sound deep in his chest, his eyes zeroed in on Regulus. He feels like he’s under a heat lamp. 

The tension is broken by the sound of wood and plastic collapsing onto the carpeted floor between them. James has, in his obviously professional opinion, decided it best to use the “seven-year-old with a lego set” approach. 

Regulus raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” 

“How hard could it be?”

- - - 

Regulus finds James sprawled out on the floor forty-five minutes later, surrounded by stray tools and screws and planks of wood, groaning into the arm draped over his face. 

“Good lord…” he mutters to himself, stepping into the wreckage of the would-be-crib. “I leave for two seconds...”

“It’s not my fault you need a degree in fucking engineering to assemble this shit!” James exclaims, his arms flopping uselessly on the ground. Regulus doesn’t bother resisting the urge to laugh. He makes a clearing amongst the wreckage to sit across from James, who sits up to face him when he notices. “You know, I had the top half put together but then the instructions said you had to assemble the legs first, which is stupid…” James grumbles. 

Regulus reaches a hand out and pets it over James’ hair. “Yes, yes, you’re still a big strong man, I believe you.”

If Regulus didn’t know any better, he’d say James was preening, leaning in to Regulus’ touch like a cat. Instead, his smug smile overtakes his face and he glances up at Regulus through his despicably gorgeous lashes and says; “Big and strong huh?”

Regulus shoves his face away. “Shut up.”

“Hey, you said it, not me!” James laughed. 

Instead of responding to that, Regulus just picked up a plank of wood that was meant to be part of the crib, holding it up to James, hoping to distract him. 

“So are we finishing this or not?” he asked. 

“We?” James asked, already reaching out to unfold the instructions. 

Regulus narrows his gaze, picking up another piece of wood that definitely doesn’t attach to the first one. “I can be helpful.”  he insists. “Besides, I wouldn’t put it past Ted to ground us if Nymphadora has to sleep in their bed again.” 

- - -

All in all, it only takes them an hour to get the first half of the crib assembled (and if Remus had to step in half way through and start production managing them, wheel that was no ones business) and Regulus barely takes not of how easily time passes with James, even when they’re not touching, even when they’re not talking. 

Of course, it’s just Regulus’ luck that as soon as they’re putting the screws and tools away, he slices the side of his thumb open on a wayward nail. He hisses, sharply, immediately bringing the cut up to his mouth. Sirius once told him when they were young that to stop the bleeding you needed to put pressure and try to close the wound together so it healed. Now, Regulus wouldn’t recommend taking first aid tips from a seven year old, but as it were he’s brought the slowly bleeding cut up to his mouth, biting down.

“You okay?” James is asking. Regulus nods and bites down harder, tasting copper on his tongue. “Hey,” James says, with a soft yet stern voice, “lemme see.”

Regulus holds back, still trying to lick his wound back together, but James is tugging his wrist away from his face and Regulus doesn’t think to pull back. He’s not sure how long James holds his wrist, how long it takes him to assess the wound, or where the hell James got a bandaid from, but suddenly there is one and James is pressing it over the cut, rubbing soothingly at it with the pad of his own thumb. 

“You just carry those things around?” Regulus snorts. 

“ You should be glad that I do.” James says, unperturbed by Regulus’ ridiculing. He presses a quick kiss to the back of Regulus’ hand. It’s so soft that Regulus might have missed it if he hadn’t been staring right at him. “Didn’t realize you were accident prone.” 

“I’m not.” Regulus scoffs, indignantly. “I was… distracted.” he says, as he attempts to turn on his heel haughtily. 

Suddenly, he feels a hand slowly snaking around his waist and his faux confidence buckles at the knees. “Distracting, am I?”

“Don’t let it go to your head.” Regulus says, intentionally letting his voice drop low as he dipped in closer to the shell of James’ ear, before drawing away and pushing past him and out into the hallway, leaving James alone in the nursery. 

Funnily enough, it was his own heart that he could feel beating and his own face he could feel heating up at his newfound boldness. What the hell is it about James that’s brought this out of him? If it were anyone else making Regulus act a fool like this, he would be thoroughly embarrassed. 

And yet…

Dinner’s ready by the time he gets downstairs. Sirius, from where he sits at the table holding a newly awoken Nymphadora, shoots Regulus a skeptical look that seems to say “what are you up to” without saying it. Regulus, in turn, narrows his gaze in a response that vaguely translates to “mind your own business” , to which Sirius rolls his eyes in a way that relates “fine, if you won’t tell me, I’ll figure it out for myself” . Twin telepathy, Barty used to call it, even after he realized that they in fact weren’t twins. 

“Reggie!” Andromeda chirps, gracefully sliding out from the kitchen, plates stacked up in her arms. “Remus made some delicious chicken parm, my god, you have to have some.”

Behind her, the aforementioned man emerges with a glass tray of breaded chicken. He offers a shy smile to Regulus. “Help yourself. I’ve still got pasta on the stove.” And, with that, he slips back into the kitchen. 

“That’s youw uncle Wemus.” Sirius coos at Nymphadora. “Isn’t he pewrfect ?”

James suddenly appears behind Regulus and slides easily into the seat next to him, like he’s done it all his life. 

“Uncle Padfoot got lucky, eh Nymph?” James coos back, in his only slightly less ridiculous baby voice. If Regulus were a weaker man, he’d swoon. . 

“Uncle Padfoot is lucky he’s filthy rich.” Regulus mutters as he reaches across the table to serve himself. 

Sirius scoffs, in mock offense. “My Moony could never be so shallow.” he says, defensively. “He’s obviously with me for my rugged good looks.” 

“Pray you don’t age like your father then.” Andromeda cuts in, only mostly teasing. 

Dinner passes without a hitch. The food is great, Nymphadora sits peacefully on Sirius’ lap the whole meal, and Regulus avoids any more cutting glances from Sirius. He even manages to stop himself from jolting out of his skin every time James’ leg brushes his own. 

Of course, that peacefulness couldn’t last for long. Nymphadora decides that as soon as the soothing sounds of everyone chewing has stopped, she can’t possibly stay silent any longer. She wails like she has bagpipes for lungs and Regulus swears the cups and silverware quiver from the reverberating sound waves. 

Regulus takes it upon himself to scoop her up from Sirius’ lap, giving Ted and Andromeda a break. She goes easily with him but the tears keep falling. 

“She can’t be hungry.” Ted groans with the grating agitation in his voice of a man who has ten children. “And I just changed her.”

“Maybe she’s tired?” James offers.

“All she does is sleep, it’s practically her job.” Sirius snorts. 

“Lucky her.” Andromeda sighs, beginning to rise from her seat, but Regulus protests. 

“James is probably right.” he says. “I’ll take her up to bed, get her used to the new crib. You two, take a break.” he insisted, already halfway up the stairs. 

Andromeda and Ted evidently don’t have the energy to protest, only rising from their seats to press mirrored kisses to Nymphadora’s cheeks before thanking Regulus as he brought her up the stairs. 

The nursery –which was directly beside Andromeda and Ted’s room for easy access– was lit up by a singular night light and the glow-in-the-dark stars plastered to the ceiling. Regulus lifted Nymphadora into the new crib. She goes down without much of a fuss, other than the clamping and unclamping of her toes and fingers. The little astronaut themed mobile dangling over her head mesmerizes her immediately and she stills. 

Regulus roots around in the small dresser drawers for her little pyjama onesies. Without realizing it, he’s started humming a soft, senseless melody under his breath. It must be some sort of natural human instinct for nurturing because he surely doesn’t have any memories of Walburga or Orion Black singing anyone to sleep. The song is starting to sound like the first David Bowie song Sirius ever let him listen to. 

It takes an embarrassing amount of effort to squeeze Nymphadora into her new onesie. She’s no help, what with her bucking and squirming as he tries to shimmy the tight little pants up her chubby little legs. By the time she’s bundled up in her pyjamas, they’re both worn out. Lucky for Regulus, this means Nymphadora just drops right off to sleep. 

“Such a drama queen.” Regulus whispers to her, trying to tug his finger out of her grasp. 

“Wonder who she gets that from.” a voice says from the doorway behind him. Regulus allows himself a soft smile, not bothering to turn around. 

“Well it’s not me if that’s what you’re insinuating, Potter.” he says, his grin threatening to split his face even wider as James approaches. “She’s only been around three days, I’ve hardly had enough time to corrupt her yet.”

“I’m sure you’ll find a way.” James says, his breath warm against the back of Regulus’ head. 

With Nymphadora’s grip finally loosened, Regulus turns with a final stroke over Nymphadora’s head, facing James chest-to-chest. 

“Hi.” James whispers, trademark lopsided smile stretched across his face. His hands find Regulus’ in the dark of the room. 

“... Hi.” Regulus parrots, because he can’t help himself. 

Regulus mentally takes note of how he could feel the warmth radiating off of James, electric currents sparking up in the space between them. If he thought hard enough about it (which he wouldn’t, for the record), he might start imagining how much warmer James would feel if they were just a little closer, closer than the two layers of clothes between them could allow them right now. Hypothetically. 

“I’m off to bed.” James announces, softly, hand still tracing lines over Regulus’ hand. “Promised I’d babysit the Weasleys tomorrow.”

“Bless your heart.” Regulus sighs, earning an airy chuckle from James. 

“Better get my rest while I can.” he says. Then, he's twisting around from Regulus, presenting an outstretched hand to him. “Allow me to escort you to your chambers, sir.” he says, dramatically. Regulus rolls his eyes but clasps their hands together despite himself. 

“You’re ridiculous, James Potter.”

“You like it, Regulus Black.” 

And well… he can’t deny that.

The five seconds it takes them to get across the hall to Regulus’ room don’t pass slowly enough. With a flourish, James opens the door for Regulus, with a muttered “allow me” and a deep bow that makes Regulus huff out a laugh. Regulus only takes one step into the room before turning back around, meeting James face-to-face once more.

“Well, goodnight then.” Regulus says, awkwardly. 

James smiles. He leans forward and mumbles a delicate “goodnight” against Regulus’ forehead, sealing it with a soft kiss pressed against his hairline. 

Just as James is about to turn for the stairs, Regulus makes a grab for his wrist, accidentally missing and just managing to hook one of his fingers with James’. It makes James turn around, nonetheless. 

“I-” he sputters, anxiety suddenly filling his body, drowning him from the inside out. “I just wanted to say… umm…” Regulus paused for a moment, hoping James would step in, save him with exactly the right words. But he doesn’t; James just stands there, watching him, index finger hooked on Regulus’. “Just… I was wondering… If it feels this… easy for you too, I suppose.”

“If what feels easy?”

Regulus swings their linked hands, as if that explains it. “This.” he tacks on. “Is it meant to feel this easy this quick?”

James smiles, not a trace of mirth or teasing in his face. He steps closer to Regulus, holding both his hands properly. 

“You don’t have to suffer endlessly for something to deserve it.” he says, simply. “I don’t know about you but I’m grateful not to have to worry about… this .” he emphasizes with a squeeze to Regulus’ hands. 

Another, almost phantom touch of lips to Regulus’ forehead and James is leaving again, leaving Regulus’ resolve crumbling under the weight of his words.

Chapter Text

Never let it be said that James Potter did anything half-arsed. So it comes as no surprise when “babysitting” the Weasley boys turns into something a little more akin to “big-brothering” them. 

With Ted and Andromeda visiting Molly and Arthur, letting them spend some real quality time with their goddaughter, Sirius and James seem to have made it their lives mission to indoctrinate these boys in their ways of havoc wreaking and mischief managing (as though they needed any encouragement).

From Regulus’ kitchen window view, he watches as James rolls around in the field with Bill and Leo while Sirius tries to avoid getting grass stains on his jeans as Charlie tries to knock him over. From what Regulus has been able to observe, they’re playing a sort of cut-and-paste game that seems to follow a specific set of mish-mashed steps from multiple different games; it starts with a wrestling match, and whoever pins the other the longest gets to chase the others around in a tag-like manner, and when another player is tagged, that player immediately becomes the bottom of a doggy pile, and they have to dig themselves out in order to restart the game from the beginning. 

It’s utterly ridiculous. And what’s even more ridiculous is how it makes Regulus ache with envy for the younger him and Sirius that could never have dreamed of something like this. 

Remus is watching them too, but from the couch. He’s turned around, arms crossed over the back where it looks out another window, an affectionate smile adorning his face. Even Remus’ annoyance, when directed at Sirius, was always laced with a hint of adoration. It was sickening. 

Other than that, Remus was a cool guy, Regulus could admit. He was funny, in a subtle, tongue-in-cheek way, not obnoxiously like Sirius. He fit into their lives so well; both Andromeda and Ted adore him (they need all the free babysitting they can get), he cooks at least once a day just for the hell of it, he reads to Nymphadora and helps Regulus brush out the horses. It’s all a bit uncanny how easily he’s integrated himself into their house. Regulus used to think the place was crowded with just the four of them; today, the place is practically bursting at the seams with all the domestic energy. 

Furthermore, Regulus was only slightly irritated that Remus seemed to be the perfect boyfriend. He hadn’t even thought to give him the shovel talk before Remus established his permanence. He wasn’t angry, per say. In fact –and he would never tell Sirius this– he was almost thrilled for them. Remus balanced his brother out perfectly; where Sirius was rough edges and loud noise and rageful unorthodoxy, Remus was soft and quiet, laid back with just enough pep to keep up with Sirius. Remus was like a wolf in that way; solitary by nature but undoubtedly a pack animal. Regulus hated to admit it (because, as some might say, he’s a vindictive bitch) but they were perfect for each other. 

There’s not much Regulus knows about the guy himself, but over the week now spent with him, he’s picked up on a few things:

One, Remus Lupin drinks an inane amount of hot cacao. He’s begun putting some out for the guests at brunch which is sweet but honestly, if you asked Regulus, he wouldn’t be able to tell you the last time they ran out of cacao powder before Remus got there. 

Two, Remus Lupin doesn’t think he’s good with children, but he is. This, Regulus would like to think, is top notch, detective level character observation. Remus is cautious with Nymphadora; he’ll sit with others while he holds her, but he’ll never be alone with her; he’s jumpy when she cries and always tries to leave the room when she does so. The one time Remus was alone (or, thought he was alone) and Nymphadora started to stir from her nap, Remus started rattling off a story about princesses and dragons to her, picking her up to rub soothing circles into her back. Now, it was highly unlikely that she understood any of what he was saying, but Remus has the kind of voice where he could put anyone to sleep with just the right words, like a fucking wizard of calm.

And three, Remus Lupin, despite his above average height and his gangly, awkward appendages, moves like a shadow in the night. Sightless. Soundless. Spooky . 

“Hi Regulus” a voice suddenly says from directly behind him. Regulus jumps, the hair on his arms standing up as he whips around, nearly knocking into Remus. “Woah, you alright?”

“Yeah, you just… scared me.” Regulus says, ducking his head, embarrassed, not only by his reaction but at the thought of being caught ogling James out the kitchen window. 

Remus smiles. “I just felt like getting a drink.” he says, stalking over to the pantry where they kept the cacao. “Want some?” he asks, invitingly. 

Regulus sighs, feigning defeat. “Why not.”

Now the two of them are stood over the sink, cacao in hand, gazing out the window as Sirius and James begin to teach Bill and Charlie how to saddle up a horse. At some point, Bill’s horse startles and it scares him in turn, sending him onto the floor. His brother laughs, but it doesn’t last for long because, soon, Bill is slinging mud at Charlie in retaliation. All’s well until a splatter of mud hits Sirius square in the cheek, and unfortunately for James, he isn’t quick enough to hide his freshly muddied hand. Quickly tying the horses up to the hitching post, they turn their dirt fight into a full fledged war. 

Regulus shakes his head. “What on earth do you see in him.” he murmurs out loud to Remus, who laughs in turn.

“You don’t want me to answer that.” Remus said, cheeky shit that he was.

“Don’t be disgusting.” Regulus rolled his eyes. “I just mean… well, look at him!” he gestures emphatically out the window at where Sirius is holding Bill Weasley up by the armpits as a human shield against James and Charlie’s attacks. “Well he’s ridiculous isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Remus laughs, dazedly, “he really is.” 

Regulus shakes his head. He glances up to the window, only to catch James’ eye. He has Charlie on his shoulders, mud on his hair and face, but his beaming smile is hardly dimmed at all. And, no, Regulus’ breath doesn’t stutter at all, thank you very much. 

James points at Regulus through the window and Sirius (who has Bill on his shoulders) turns to face him. Suddenly all four miscreants are grinning widely and waving at Remus and Regulus through the window. The two of them waved back. 

Sirius, because he’s extra, blows a kiss at Remus who rolls his eyes. Sirius makes a pained expression, clutching at his heart, only to perk up when Remus gives in and pretends to catch the kiss.

“Nevermind,” Regulus hums, “you’re perfect for each other.”

“That’s reassuring.” Remus says, teasingly. 

“You are, though.” Regulus says, genuinely. Remus’ expression gives nothing away, but the subtle cocking of his head encourages Regulus to elaborate. “He’s so… different with you. In a good way, I think. Good for him, for both of you… I just… don’t understand.”

Remus is quiet for a moment, but Regulus doesn’t mind. They’re both standing across from each other, looking into their respective mugs. Regulus wonders if he’s different like that around James, wonders if anyone notices. If they did, he thinks, it would be nice if they could tell him, just so they could all be on the same page for once. 

“What can I say,” Remus shrugs, casually, “being with him… it’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

Regulus narrows his gaze. Maybe he’s being ironic, Regulus thinks. “Sure,” he says, playing along, “even when he was a deviant child and a delinquent adult."

Remus’ expression remains stony this time. “If I waited for him to be perfect I’d have missed out on everything. I would’ve regretted it my whole life.” he says, almost wistfully, almost as if he’d been close to doing it before. 

Regulus spares a glance out the window, at Sirius and James with the boys up on their horses. For someone who grew up in the same rotten place as Regulus, Sirius has a stellar ability to appear entirely well adjusted; he has friends who can stand him on a regular basis, not to mention the way he manages to contribute emotionally to all the relationships he’s juggling. Even (maybe especially) from such a far distance where Regulus sands, it seems terribly exhausting. 

Regulus ponders this, momentarily. He thinks about how obvious it was that Sirius was having a hard time. A part of him wonders what might have been different if he was more empathetic than he was critical. The other part of him criticizes him for ever allowing himself to adopt the habit of reacting with the latter rather than the former. 

“He’s so different…” Regulus says, almost a whisper, like he meant to keep it to himself. “I… How can it be that we hardly know each other anymore?” Did we ever know each other at all, he doesn’t add on. Did we ever have a chance?

Remus is quiet for, somehow, the perfect amount of time (he’s good at that). 

“He might be different, but he’s still the same Sirius. He’s not… new .” Remus tries to reason. “All that?” he gesticulates at the scene outside the window, “It’s always been in there, like…” a light bulb seems to go off in his head. “Like sculptors, you know? Like, how they’ll say that the statue was always in the stone and they just had to chip away at it to bring it out? It’s like that.”

“So… Is he the stone and the sculptor?” Regulus asks, sceptically. Remus brows pinch together. 

“Well, uh, it was a collaborative piece, let's say. Multiple sculptors working on one masterpiece. But, uh, he’s the main one, for sure.” he concludes, nodding emphatically at his own point.

Regulus presses his lips into a line. “It’s a messy metaphor.”

“Bit harsh…”

“They’re just giving away literature degrees now, huh?” Regulus teases. His voice is deadpan as ever, but Remus gives a canine-flashing smirk. 

“Kids these days,” Remus chuckles, “no respect for their elders.”

Regulus instinctively bites down on his lips to keep them from splitting into a grin.

Remus puts his now empty mug of cacao down in the sink, before turning to Regulus and asking; “Wanna help me make lunch?” to which Regulus readily agrees.

On today's lunch menu: cheese toasties and tomato soup. They trade in watching James and Sirius making fools out of themselves for some amicable silence as Regulus lathers pieces of toast in butter while Remus starts opening up a can of tomato soup. Remus reaches to turn the radio on, the rock station playing ballads at a peaceful volume. For the longest time they just share in the silence until the boys come in from outside, laughing and yelping and shouting over each other. Remus and Regulus share a fondly exasperated look, before Remus slings the tea towel he was using over his shoulder to reprimand the boys. 

“Surely you’re not planning on running Ted and Andy’s sitting room furniture with all the mud on you.” he says in a tone that manages to be condescending, teasing and firm all in one. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Regulus sees Sirius stiffen. 

“No!” Sirius croaks. “No, just… we were all about to change, isn’t that right lads?” Bill, Charlie and James all chorus a shout of “yeah”s in succession. 

Remus hums, unimpressed. “I’ll believe it when I see it.” he says, turning on his heels, walking back to the stove. “ Boys .” He sighs, reprovingly as he passes Regulus, who smiles. 

Regulus turns just in time to catch James going up the stairs and the wink he throws his way, which definitely doesn’t make his stomach feel fluttery. Not. At. All. 

By the time the soup is simmering on the stove and the toast is ready for grilling, Remus disappears upstairs to “check on” Sirius (and, really, just how naïve does he think Regulus is?), leaving him alone to watch their lunches simmer in the pan. 

Only moments later does he regret not relishing in the few seconds of silence he was gifted as little Charlie Weasley comes stomping into the kitchen, a mud sodden Leo trotting along at his side. He seems to pick up on Regulus’ horrified look because the guilty look on his face gets even more pinched. 

“He- he won’t get into the sink.” He supplies, in lieu of an explanation. Leo gives a happy yip.

“Why would he go in the sink?” Regulus cocks his head, blinking slowly. “He’s a dog.”

Charlie’s brows furrow like Regulus is the one missing something. “How do you get the mud off?” he asks, sincerely. Regulus can’t put the pieces together in his head to form a response to that, so thankfully Charlie fills him in. “We bath Mop in the sink all the time.” 

Ah, Mop, the Weasley's elderly foster cat, about an eighth of the size of Leo, and the only animal Charlie’s known how to take care of. 

“Charlie,” Regulus says, in the least condescending tone he can manage, “look at how big he is. How would he ever fit in the sink?” As he poses the question, he sees the little gears turning in the kids head. Then, a light bulb. 

“Can I put him in the bath?” Charlie asks, perking up. 

Regulus gives him a soft, downturned smile. “Sure. Just make sure to use the showerhead, don’t actually draw a bath.” he says. Charlie is already running back up the stairs. “And don't get water in his ears!” he shouts after him. “They get infected!”

James saunters down the stairs, just as Regulus turns to check the pot again. He doesn’t give James the satisfaction of turning around upon hearing his footsteps enter the room, he waits until he feels James hands circling his waist, his chest against his back, his nose in his hair. 

“Mhmm I love cheese toasties.” James hums into the back of Regulus’ head. He reaches into the searing hot pan and bites into the only slightly seared bread. He chews loudly behind Regulus, muttering a garbled “yum” through a still steaming mouth full of bread and cheese. 

“Don’t ever do that again.” Regulus warns. “You could have burned yourself and 

James makes a pleased, humming sound. “Worried about me, love?”

Love?

Regulus’ entire body somehow tenses up and turns to liquid all at once. He turns three quarters to face a very smug looking James Potter. 

“That’s new.” Regulus says, putting on his most convincing poker face and blank tone of voice. 

“You don’t like pet names?” James asks.. 

“I just…” Regulus flounders, “Well, I just wasn’t aware we used them, is all.” he said, twisting back around to check dinner. He lifts the lid on the skillet, hoping to disguise the reddening of his face as heat pouring off the stove. 

“ We? ” James parrots, in an inquisitive yet amused tone, and Regulus learns there and then that James Potter is much more observant than he lets on. 

“Just… shut up and eat your toasties James…” Regulus says, digging his elbow softly into James’ side, forcing them to separate. James laughs like he knows he’s won something. 

To his credit, James doesn’t do it again, just lingers in the background, humming along to the radio songs he recognises. Just as Regulus is plating the last toasties, the landline starts ringing. Regulus is about to get it but James is already dashing off into the hallway, shouting “I got this one” over his shoulder. 

Regulus is about to reprimand him; it could be a guest calling and, as a staff member, he should answer the phone. But then he hears…

“Tonks Trails, Bed and Breakfast, James speaking, how may I help you?” he chirps into the phone, seemingly without having to layer his voice with fake customer-service polishing like Regulus and Sirius do readily enough. “Uh huh!” James says, obviously continuing the conversation, but now he’s got a pen and paper at hand and is jotting something down as the client speaks. “And that’s the queen bed? Right… All our cabins have their own bathrooms, the only amenities available at the main house are the complementary breakfasts and the front desk… that’s right… Wonderful, can I just get that email one more time?... Uh huh, well Mrs. Lewis, we’ll be glad to have you… And you as well. Bye now!” 

Regulus’ jaw might literally be on the floor. James whips around with a pleased smile. “Se Reg?” he prompts. “I can be pretty useful when I want to be!”

“You’re… definitely something…” Regulus mumbles, and isn’t that the truth. He squirrels that information away in the overly stuffed box in his mind labelled “James Fleamont Potter”. 

Three new additions to the culminating pile; , Regulus thinks to himself, 1, he’s great with kids (surprising? Only because he’s an only child. Not so surprising when considering the following item); 2, a people person to his core (must uncover the secret behind his irresistible charm); 3, calls me love (follow up research: does he call anyone else love? If so, who? When? If not, what’s different about me?)

- - - 

When Molly and Arthur arrive to pick up their children, the boys are sufficiently tuckered out. After a warm mac’n’cheese dinner (by popular request (aka Charlie, Bill and Sirius’ pleading)), all of them curled up on the couch, tuning in to a “boring” movie that lulled them off to sleep. 

James, who was previously being used as a human pillow, somehow manages to get up from his space on the couch, lifting both boys up with him, and handing them off to their parents without disturbing them. 

“I hope they weren’t a bother.” Molly laughs. “But, I must say, I’m impressed the house is still standing, so they must’ve been on their better behaviour.”

James just laughs along with her. “They were no bother at all. They’re great kids. Lots of energy.” 

“Oh, don’t we know it.” Arthur chickles, hoisting Charlie up in his arms. “We’re trying to get them into a footy league but it seems like games with rules aren’t really agreeing with them.” 

Everyone says their goodbyes as the Weasleys drive away, then Ted and Andy head up to put Nymphadora to bed. 

“It is getting pretty late.” Remus yawns. “Think I might head up early too.”

“Oh my god, it’s like I’m dating an old man.” Sirius jokes, even as he saunters into the kitchen to get himself and Remus their nightly cup of tea. 

“No one is stopping you from staying up all night!” Remus calls back to him as he begins to make his way up the stairs. “Be my guest, honestly. Go out clubbing or whatever you youngsters do, less blanket hogging for me.”

“I do not hog them!” Sirius shouts, following him, cups in hand. 

And then James and Regulus are alone in the living room. 

“Clubbing.” James scoffs, almost wistfully, looking at nothing and no one in particular. “Haven’t done that in a while.”

“Suppose that’s a sign.” Regulus says, rocking back on his heels to give himself something to do. James quirks his eyebrow. “It means you’re getting old, Potter.” Regulus fills in the blanks. “Don’t you know? Old people can’t have fun anymore.”

“Excuse me,” James scoffs, nudging Regulus in the shoulder, “I’ll have you know I have plenty of fun! Every day! My life is riddled with exhilaration!” Regulus raises a sceptical eyebrow, and James quickly deflates. “Hey, I’m just a poor student, and I just got back from a crazy vacation, I don’t have the money for fun anymore.” Regulus chuckles which makes James brighten. “Like you’re going out on the town every night…” he challenges. 

Regulus rolls his eyes. “Just because I don’t need constant entertainment, like a child , doesn’t mean I don’t have fun.”

“Oh yeah?” James says, incredulously. He steps closer to Regulus, leaning into his space and Regulus hopes he isn’t turning that damning shade of red again. “Care to show me what Regulus Black does for fun?”

The heat rises in Regulus’ face and his stomach lurches. He knows exactly what James means, and he fights the shiver of eagerness that overcomes him. 

Like an instinct, he’s surging up to close the distance, meeting James’ soft lips with nipping teeth, finding purchase by clawing into James’ shirt, pulling him impossibly close. James grunts softly into the kiss, and leads Regulus by the waist into the guest room.

Regulus knows this dance well –evident in the way he skillfully manoeuvres the door shut with his ankle as James eagerly guides him towards the bed– but for the first time, he finds himself overly conscious of his partner. Sex has always been a heated, feverish act, all sharp teeth and sharper words, with the classic Irish goodbye as the cherry on top. Now, here, with James, and his gentle caresses, his quiet gasps, Regulus worries he’s going to bed with a ghost, that James will slip away if Regulus lets go of him for too long. 

It’s a particularly hard bite to his newly bare shoulder that seems to alert James to Regulus’ desperate shaking. 

“Hey,” he says, far too softly for Regulus to know what to do with, “how do you… wanna do this?” he asks, his breathing just as laboured as Regulus’. 

Regulus turns red in the ears. “I haven’t… It’s been a while… I don’t…” he shakes his head before he can embarrass himself any further. 

James swoops in to save him. “You okay with me leading this time?” Regulus nods. “Do you bottom?” he asks suddenly and Regulus blushes even deeper when he nods. James presses his nose into Regulus’ neck. “Then just lay down and let me take care of you.”

Regulus doesn’t know if anyone’s ever said anything like that to him before and he can’t even find the will to be embarrassed as James starts to peel his clothes off. As every scrap of fabric falls to the floor, Regulus can feel the layers of worry and fear that shrouded the pit in his stomach being stripped away in turn. 

Once the both of them are fully naked, there’s a moment where neither of them move, where they look at each other and the world seems to shrink to the size of the guest room bed. 

James is so soft against him. For someone made up of mostly muscle and stretched out limbs you’d think he’d feel sturdy, but Regulus comes to find out that it’s quite the opposite. He can trace all the soft curves of James’ body, the breadth of his shoulders, the slight pudge of his stomach, the buttery skin that seems to stretch for miles. 

As James runs his hands over him in turn, it’s almost as if he can feel his own edges being smoothed down. 

As hands travel lower, so do kisses. They start at his cheeks, his ears, his neck, then they’re on his chest, his stomach, his hips once the waistband of his pants are tugged off. With every press of lips to skin, Regulus expects to feel teeth, but it never comes. 

He doesn’t realise he’s whining until James is moving up the mattress, planting an arm at the pillow and rubbing a thumb over Regulus’ cheek.

“You okay?” 

“I’m-” Regulus pants, already red in the face and he’s hardly been touched at all. “I’m fine… are you okay?” 

James presses another kiss to Regulus’ hair. “More than okay.” he mutters against Regulus’ hairline. 

Regulus groans with anticipation. He shuffles under James, trying to nudge his thigh upwards between James’ legs. When his leg nudges James’ hardening cock under his pants, it draws a soft intake of breath from both of them. 

“Then show me.” Regulus growls. 

James’ eyes flutter, like he’s about to give in, but he regains his sly smirk far too quickly for Regulus’ liking. 

“What’s the rush, baby?” James purrs, shifting his legs so his knees bracket Regulus’ hips as he leans over him. “Don’t you trust me to know what you want?” 

Before Regulus can say anything in response, James is shifting down the bed, hands and lips finding purchase on the skin of his thighs and hips, the curve of his stomach, and finally, finally … 

“Oh… fuck …” Regulus grits his teeth, hips twitching up into James’ mouth. He reaches down to claw at James’ hair, trying to chase the glorious heat enveloping him. Just when he begins bucking upwards in earnest, James pulls off, coughing. 

“Oh shit!” Regulus sits up, panicked. “I’m so sorry-” 

James shakes his head, still clearing his throat. Regulus, with his brains still slightly goopy, has the foresight to reach over to the side table and pass James the glass of water. 

In the three seconds it takes for James to compose himself, Regulus has worked himself up to the beginning of a spiral. We shouldn’t have done this, we’re obviously not meant to, he’s going to want to stop, he… 

“Sorry.” James says. Regulus’ head shoots up. 

“What?” he blanches. “N- no, I’m sorry, we didn’t talk about… I didn’t ask if you were okay with-” 

“Well, I didn’t tell you either.” James shrugged. “Lack of forethought on both sides. Now we know.” he says with startling casualness. 

James slips a hand over Regulus’ clenched fist, soothing the knots out of his knuckles. “I’m almost embarrassed to say this but… I’ve never actually done that before?” James adds, almost sheepishly. 

Regulus gawks without meaning to. “Giving head?” 

“Deepthroating, if you wanna get technical.” 

And isn’t that something… 

“Well,” Regulus clears his throat, trying to distract James from his embarrassed flush by lacing their fingers together, “you’re very good, for a beginner.” James laughs and Regulus ducks his head. A soft kiss presses into his collarbone. 

“So…” James is humming, hand tracing circles into Regulus’ forearm, “wanna keep going?” 

Regulus narrows his gaze. “Only if you pick up the pace.” he says, teasingly. 

James crowds Regulus against the pillows. “What happened to trusting me?” he asked. 

“Look where that got us last time.” Regulus said, trying to keep his voice steady, shuddering as James’ hand creeps lower and lower, reaching between the two of them. He doesn’t even have a moment to register how easy it is to just be with James, when his thoughts get cut short by a warm hand closing around him.

“ That was for me.” James justified, with a teasing stroke down the length of Regulus’ cock. Then, with one hand, he pushed Regulus’ knee aside, and with the other he ventured even further downwards. “This?” he said, satisfied at the gasp Regulus let out at being touched so softly. “ This is for you.” he punctuated his statement with the pop of a cap of lube. 

Before the coolness of it even touched him, Regulus was biting his lip, the side of his head pressed as far into the pillow as it could go. With the first circling of James’ fingers at his entrance, Regulus tensed, almost bracing himself. The impact never came. 

As the seconds passed, Regulus allowed his eyes to slip open, realising that he wasn’t being laid out in a college dorm room by someone who would need him out in thirty minutes before their roommates came back. He was lying under James, in his room, and they had all the time in the world. 

The stretch of fingers, when it finally came, made him ache with desire. The pain of the stretch burning in him like a radiant spark once set loose on a forest. 

He keeps trying to push himself back onto James, to hook his ankles around James’ thighs to tell him he’s ready, but James just soothed him with quiet murmurs of “it’s okay sweetheart” and “you’re doing so well” and Regulus could feel the tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. 

When they’re on (what feels like) the third hour of James just keeping Regulus on the edge, the first tear falls. James makes a confused noise. 

“Reggie?” he pulls away, only a centimetre, just to be met with a growl from Regulus. “Hey, do you want a minute?” Regulus’ cheeks burn hot with arousal and embarrassment and fury. 

“I’ve been taking a minute! I’ve had a plethora of minutes James!” he reaches up, hands gripping at James shoulders. “Please, I need you…” he huffs, before dropping back onto the bed. He wants so badly to tell James to wipe that shit-eating grin off his face, but suddenly he feels a cool, slickness pressing up towards him as James’ fingers retract. 

“You have me, sweetheart.” James assures him. “You have me…” 

Regulus doesn’t hear if he says anything else over the sound of his own relieved sigh. In fact, after that, he doesn’t hear much of anything. The sounds of even his own whining breaths fade into the background of sensations, leaving no room for him to be embarrassed of the noises he was making, too focused on the feeling of James in him, on top of him. His senses were flooded with JamesJamesJamesJames … 

His hands grasped at nothing, clenching and unclenching at the sheets,  until he thought to reach up for James, a hand grasping at loose curls, the other at broad shoulders. In turn, he feels the dip in the pillows where James slumps onto his elbow, his other hand holding down Regulus’ hip –hard enough to claim, not enough to bruise. 

“God, Regulus… oh fuck…” James pants into Regulus’ ear. Regulus wraps a hand around the back of James’ neck guiding him down, down, down, until he feels like James is being poured over him like liquid sunshine. 

A hard thrust of hips, a shuddering breath, tender claws caressing soft, forgiving skin. 

A moment's silence envelops the room, falling over them like a heavy blanket made of moonlight. The sound of their breathing rocks them like waves on the open sea keeping a small boat adrift. Regulus shudders and pants heavily in sync with James, who settles on top of him, Regulus’ arms wrapping around his middle to keep him from peeling away the perfectness of this moment. 

“Fuck…” James groans into Regulus’ shoulder. A laugh begins to bubble up in his chest, his shoulders shake with it. It ripples off him and, suddenly, without Regulus even noticing that his floodgates were down, it begins seeping into him. They’re giggling like school children and for some reason Regulus doesn’t feel the need to worry about the implications of someone laughing after having sex with him.

With a deep sigh, Regulus calms himself. “Yeah… that was…”

“Awesome?” James offers, lifting his head enough to waggle his eyebrows at Regulus, who rolls his eyes and pushes at his forehead. 

“Not the word I’d use, but, if you’d like.” 

“Oh, I did like. I really liked.” James insists, nodding his head up and down for emphasis. “God, I don’t have the words to tell you how much I liked!” he says. 

He begins to peel away from Regulus, pulling a sharp breath from both of them. “You’re so dramatic.” Regulus hisses through the slight discomfort, only to preen at the feeling of James settling into his side, his hand rubbing circles over his stomach. James doesn’t respond in words, only with a simple grunt pressed into Regulus’ collar bone. Regulus sighs, contentedly, and runs a hand through the soft curls of James’ hair. He gently picks apart little knots, twisting the curls around his fingers. He only pauses once, when his eye catches a sight of ink hidden by the hair that usually curls up around the back of his ear. 

“James,” he hums, pushing the hair back, revealing the tattoo, “what’s this?” he says, tracing it with the tip of his finger. 

“Oh, that’s a koi fish!” James says, cheerfully. “Got her done in America. Should probably get a touch up soon…” he trails off.

“Why a koi fish?” he asks, and James is already giggling, so it’s going to be something ridiculous. 

“Well, koi fish,” James giggles to himself, “you see, they live in the black sea… Get it? Black sea?”

Regulus rolls his eyes. “How many of your tattoos are about my brother?”

James quirks an eyebrow. “Sirius? No- well, I see why it’s misleading, but I got this on your birthday, actually… so…” 

Regulus props himself up on an elbow so he can look down at James.

“James.”

“Yes darling?”

“You tattooed a fish onto your head because it reminded you of me when you were in America a year ago?”

“That’s the jist of it.” James shrugs like it’s nothing, and Regulus hates how he always acts like it’s the easiest thing in the world for him to say shit like this, to mean shit like this. He can’t think of any way to respond to that, so he settles for kissing James all over his face, his ears, his forehead, his nose, his cheeks, and finds his final destination at his lips. He hopes James knows what he means by that.

Chapter Text

“What. The. Fuck.”

Regulus isn’t even half awake when he hears the words, not alert enough to the world to put his guard up any more than giving a disgruntled moan of confusion. 

“When the fuck did this happen?” the voice was screeching now. “Who said this could happen?”

Regulus pushes his face into something soft and smelling of all kinds of red fruits and a little citrus. He knows, even before he’s awake, that it’s James, the back of his neck where his curls are tight and fuzzy. He feels the vibrations of what must be James responding to the voice more than he hears the words. 

“I- I honestly cannot- You can’t- ugh . Andy!” and with that final whiny screech, Regulus gives up all hope of going back to sleep. He cracks an eye open and lifts his chin to look over the broad horizon of James’ bare chest, only to be met with the affronting image of his brother standing over them, arms crossed and red in the face. “Oh, good morning, sleeping beauty.” Sirius mocks. “Have a good night.”

“You want an honest answer?” Regulus rasps. Sirius retches and darts from the room, screaming for someone to “save his delicate sensibilities from this depravity.”

“Morning love.” James whispers, and this time the rattle of his chest shakes Regulus to his core, sending shivers up his spine. A hand is suddenly rubbing circles into his hip and Regulus preens at the touch, without even meaning to. 

“Why did you let him in here?” Regulus whined, flopping onto his side, ineffectively trying to escape James’ clutches. 

“I’m sorry, I was rather focused on being someone’s human pillow.” James accused, reaching a hand into Regulus’ hair, lifting himself up on his elbows. Regulus followed, sitting up in the bed with a dread-filled sigh. 

“Well, guess we have to have that conversation now.” he said, mournfully.

James only hummed, and craned his neck up to press a wet kiss to Regulus’ cheek. Regulus, in turn, made a disgruntled (but still slightly pleased) noise and he rolled out of bed, away from James. 

“Not while my brother is out there eavesdropping.” Regulus tutted, as he tugged on a pair of  clean boxers that were most definitely not his. “No distractions.” no matter how nice , he mentally lamented. 

“So I am distracting?” James said, sounding smug even as his voice was muffled under the shirt that he was pulling down over his head.

“Haven’t we already had this conversation?” Regulus teased, watching James’ back through the mirror he was facing, as they both dressed in tandem. 

“Hey, I’m not complaining. I’ve always said there’s no such thing as too many compliments.” James hums. 

Regulus rolls his eyes, finally fully dressed (in James’ clothes), and turns to face James, who must feel his eyes on him, because he turns too, sweatpants still halfway down his hips. That doesn’t stop him from shooting Regulus a goofy smile. And if Regulus finds himself wearing a matching one, well, no one would believe James anyways. 

“What?” Regulus is the first to ask, his words laced with a light, airiness. 

“ What what?” James reiterated, sauntering forward with a sly expression splitting his face, eventually connecting them by folding his hand over Regulus’ hip, holding him firmly. 

“What’s that look for?”

James shakes his head, as if to say nothing , but still elaborates that “I just think I could get used to seeing you in my clothes, in my bed…”

Regulus scoffs, wedging a bent arm between their chests, half-heartedly pushing James away. “ Your bed? Remind me whose house this is?” he muses as he spins himself out of James’ arms. He’s almost at the door when James retaliates with a slap to his ass that startles an embarassing, high pitched squeak out of Regulus. 

“ Someone’s in a good mood today.”

Regulus blushes at the sound of Andromeda’s voice, only for the redness of his cheeks to deepen when he finds her sitting at the dining table, already watching him, with a smile splitting her face. 

Regulus blushes furiously and turns into the kitchen, only to be met with an irritated looking Remus, who's cradling a sobbing Sirius in his arms. Remus only shakes his head at Regulus with an exasperated look. He accidentally nudges Sirius with his chin, which alerts him to Regulus' presence. He turns with a betrayed look of shock and horror on his face that slowly morphs into something heated and angry. 

“ You… ” Sirius growls, as if the act of sleeping with your brother's best friend was treason. 

“Sirius…” Andromeda calls with a tone of warning from the dining room. 

Regulus makes a smug “better-listen-to-her” face and shrugs at Sirius, who sends back an “I’ll-get-you-when-you’re-least-expecting-it” glare right back. 

Breakfast is… awkward, to say the very least. Regulus thinks he might actually burst into flames between James’ hand, shamelessly caressing his knee under the table and Sirius’ unwavering glare and the otherwise tedious small talk that stops and starts in bursts. 

Of course Sirius has to be the one to break the silence. 

“I assume I don’t have to give either of you the shovel talk?” he says, his tone poised and relaxed and forced. 

“Well it wouldn’t be as effective if you did it to both of us.” Regulus teases. 

“Especially when we’re right in front of each other.” James adds.

“ And when I don’t give a shit what you have to say.” Regulus says firmly, with a sickly sweet smile. 

Sirius grumbles and ducks his head, muttering to himself. No one speaks again for a while. 

As the silence prolongs itself, Regulus starts to worry his lip, wondering if he should say something to break the tension. After all, there's no way Sirius is actually mad… right? 

He’s not sure what gives him away, but James is suddenly leaning in and asking him if he’s okay in a soft, hushed tone. 

Before Regulus can whisper out a response, Sirius is groaning at them from across the table. “Please, no foreplay at the breakfast table…” he pleads through a mouthful of breakfast. 

James rolls his eyes, good naturedly. “Now you understand what it was like living with you and Remus.”

Remus laughs and Sirius glares at him. “Not funny!” he baulks. “It’s so not the same! This is… fuck, this is basically incest! ” This time Ted is the one to choke on his toast. Regulus nearly dry heaves himself.  Sirius just shakes his head in disbelief. “I just… why ?” he asks and Regulus is offended for a second before James steps in. 

“Jesus, Sirius, you aren’t actually mad about this.” he says, a humourless laugh coating his words as they cautiously spill out. 

Sirius’ eyebrows furrowed together, creasing his forehead. “I’m sorry, how are you going to tell me what I’m mad about? And, yeah, I am, actually, mad. Like- God, how could you do this to me!”

Regulus’ mouth opens briefly, but, suddenly, James’ hand crashes down on the table, startling everyone. 

“Not everything is about you, Sirius!” James bites back, his words cutting like tiny daggers. Regulus feels Sirius flinch and he wonders, for a second, if he’s just made this all up. If James is taking the words and tone right out of his mouth because he’s dreaming. 

It’s dead silent for a few seconds before James is sighing, running a hand over his hair, and speaking again. “I’m sorry, but it’s not. This has nothing to do with you.” he says, calmly, but Regulus can hear the heat from a second ago still simmering at the bottom of his voice. “We’re consenting adults, we care about each other,” his gaze flicks over to Regulus when he says this, “what we do is our business. I don’t think that’s too much to ask!” he laughs, dryly. 

Sirius and James spend a few seconds staring each other down. Every few seconds, one of them will glance over at Regulus, eyes filled with ire or mirth (respectively), and Regulus will wish he could burrow deep into the ground and never come back up. 

They finish breakfast in relative silence until Nymphadora suddenly starts wailing, which seems to dismiss everyone to go about their daily duties.

Andromeda takes her daughter upstairs, Ted and Remus begin to clean up the table, once again talking to each other amicably, and Sirius, James, and Regulus all stand in unison, but otherwise remain unmoving.

Sirius is the first to move. He mutters something about the horses and begins to move towards the front door. James sighs and tries to step in front of him, like he’s about to say something, but Sirius nudges him with his shoulder and curses under his breath. Regulus watches, mouth agape, as James’ gaze narrows and he turns to watch Sirius walk away, shouting curses back at him. 

What the fuck?

“What the fuck was that?” Regulus voices. 

James shakes his head as he turns back to face him, his hands rubbing at his eyes. “He’s just… such a baby sometimes.” he mutters. A non-answer, really. 

“Yeah, and I’m usually the one to lash out at him…” Regulus says, one eyebrow raised at James’ unusually closed-offishness. “I… I didn’t realise you guys fought like that…” Regulus hesitates. “I thought…” that we only fought like that because we were brothers , Regulus thinks, trying to process that interaction. He then thinks to himself that it makes sense for them too if they really saw each other as brothers too. So instead, he says. “I never thought I’d live to see the day you two fought.” he teased, trying to alleviate the tension that oppresses the room. “Should I alert the press?”

James sniffs a small laugh. “Nah, we fight all the time.” he admits. “He’ll… we’ll be fine.”

Regulus takes a tentative step forward. “You sure?” he asks. “Cuz you seemed…”

“Yeah, I’m… I didn’t mean to snap…” James sighs. He takes his own larger step towards Regulus, reaches out to take his hand in his. Regulus immediately relaxes at the touch.

James looks up at him, the heat in his eyes turned watery and soft. “We fight all the time, actually.” James admits with a laugh. “Honestly, like you wouldn’t believe… we’re both so headstrong and we know exactly how to push each other's buttons.” James sighs. “It makes it… easy to fight with him, cuz I know we’ll find a way to make up in the end… we love each other too much to stay mad for longer than a day.” 

Regulus hums. “You just seemed… really upset…” he says, cautiously. He tries to backpedal when he sees James’ shoulders slump and his brows crease. “I just mean that, you know, I’ve never seen you actually angry, I think, and that was…”

“No, you’re right, I- I just lost my temper?” James offers weakly. Something on Regulus’ resulting expression must give away that he knows that’s not all because James begins to stutter out an explanation. “I’ve… I was a really angry kid. I don’t think I was mad at anything in particular, but I had this… this fire in me that was just waiting to be let out, at the slightest inconvenience…” Regulus could feel the tremor in James’ hand as he spoke, and he tried to sooth them with the pressure of his own grip. “When I was younger, I had a lot more reasons to get angry more often. Bullies and kids who were just dickheads… when I was frustrated with school I would just lash out and…” 

A deep, shuddering breath. Regulus squeezes James’ hand in his own. I’m here , he doesn’t say. 

“But, as I got older,” James continued, “getting angry at other people, what it did to my relationships, it just made me more angry? But, at myself, you know? So, I- I really try to be conscious of that nowadays. And it’s easier now that I know how to anticipate it and de-escalate it but… sometimes it’s just…” James groans into his free hand, “it’s like I’m sharing my body with another… thing , and it makes me do things and feel things I don’t want to feel… and it only ever operates in extremes at the most ridiculous times because why not right? Because fuck me!” James laughs. 

A frown draws across Regulus’ face. His heart aches for James, but all he can do is keep holding his hands. 

“I hate being angry… but, at the same time, I feel like it’s part of me… like it always has been… sorry, I’m not making any sense…” he looks up at Regulus, apologetic, pleading. 

Regulus nods. “I understand,” he promises. “I do.” 

James ducks his head, nodding to himself. A brief moment’s silence passes between them before James is looking back up at Regulus. 

“I didn’t mean to… dump all this on you… I just don’t want you to be scared again, if it happens again.” Regulus already knows that James means to say when it happens again. 

He takes a steadying inhale. 

“I’m not scared.” Regulus says, firmly. “You’re not dangerous, James, and I’m only… nervous because I don’t want you to… to have to feel… I hate that you feel like that…”

James closes the gap between them and pulls Regulus into his shoulder. “I’m sorry.” he whispers, into the skin where he’s tucked himself against Regulus’ neck. 

“Don’t be… I could never be scared of this, James, of you… you make me… the way I feel with you… I- I feel like I’ll never be afraid again.” It’s the most raw emotion Regulus has put into words in a long time that his voice breaks under the weight of it. 

James rubs circles into Regulus’ back, both of them pretending they don’t feel or hear the other sniffling against them. “Regulus…” James breaths. 

“There are so many horrible, terrifying things you haven’t seen in me yet James.” Regulus admits. James pulls away and opens his mouth to protest, but Regulus keeps going. “I can’t say that I’m glad we’re both… like this … but, then again, I’m a horribly selfish person and I’m just glad that you don’t think I’m fragile, like any of this is going to break us…”

James is looking at him like… well, the way Regulus imagines he usually looks at James.

James looks like he’s about to say something when they hear a clattering noise from the side of the room. The two of them whip around to see a red faced Remus, ducking down to pick up his cane and to avoid their gaze. 

“Shit, sorry.” he mutters, snatching his cane up off the floor. He’s shuffling out the door (presumably to follow Sirius) quicker now. “I, uh, didn’t hear any of that! Just don’t mind me. As you were!” he says, punctuating his exit with the click of the door. 

Regulus and James awkwardly glance back at each other, both of them flushed to the tips of their ears, and that’s all it takes to get them giggling at themselves. 

Regulus shakes his head against James’ shoulder. “We must look ridiculous…”

“Does it feel ridiculous?” James laughs back. 

“It does now!” Regulus insists, pushing himself away from James. “God, emotions, I can’t believe you made me speak about them.” he chuckles as he turns on his heel. “And now Remus knows!” he groans. 

“Well, you couldn’t keep up that aloof mystique forever.” James muses as he follows Regulus into the hallway. 

“God forbid my brother’s boyfriend doesn’t think I’m cool.” Regulus snarks. “No one can know I have feelings. I’ll have to kill him.”

“Then Sirius would definitely kill me .” James hums in return. 

“If it’s the price I must pay…” Regulus sighs dramatically, trying to bite down the smile that threatened to bloom when James play-shoved him back. 

Then, the front desk phone rang and it was suddenly a work day.

Regulus clears his own throat as they both straighten up. “Right, I should probably get that…” he hums. 

“Yeah, I promised Ted I’d help him out on the fields today.” James agrees, awkwardly businesslike. 

“Well, I suppose I’ll see you later then?” Regulus says, and he only gets to see the faintest smile grace James’ lips before he picks up the phone. 

He spoke briefly to a customer about their rates and cancellation fees and cabin availability for next month. He tried not to pay attention to the message James was scribbling onto a sticky note before he left the house. 

When the phone call was over, Regulus snatched up the note and smiled at James’ chicken scratch handwriting. 

Don’t forget, we promised to take Bill and Charlie to the fair tonight! I’ll go apologise to Sirius so tonight’s not too painful!
- James xoxo

- - - 

“James!”

“Sirius!”

“Bill!”

“Charlie!”

And just as soon as Molly and Arthur’s truck pulled into the driveway, four boys were rushing out of the car and house and toppling all over each other, falling into a great heap on the ground. 

“Well, so much for getting them into clean clothes.” Molly sighed as she stepped out of the car, shaking her head at the sight of her sons grappling with Sirius and James on the dirty gravel driveway as they all laughed and roared and shrieked at each other. 

James is the first one off the floor, managing to scoop Bill up in his arms as he goes up. “Sorry Mrs. Weasley!” he laughs, trying to maintain an air of serious responsibility even as Bill tries to climb him like a jungle gym. “We’ll keep a real close eye on them tonight!”

“Yeah!” Sirius seconds, as he rises, much less gracefully, dangling Charlie from his ankle as he does. 

From their view from the door Regulus shoots Remus a flat look.  “That’s your boyfriend.” he says in a “you-made-your-bed” tone. 

“That’s your brother.” Remus retorts as he tugs his boots on. 

“Yeah, well only one of us chose him.” Regulus snorts back. 

Leo trots over to the door to see where Regulus is going. “Can’t forget about you, baby.” Regulus coos, unhooking Leo’s car harness and leash from the wall hook and getting him situated for the ride

Remus chuckles. “ Baby ?” he teases. 

“Shut up, he is my baby.” he says, planting a no-lipped kiss to the tip of his dog’s skull. “Besides, if you ever tell anyone, they’ll never believe you.” he smirks. 

Remus’ smile falters. “You monster…”

Ted walks over with baby Nymbhadora on his hip to say goodbye. Andromeda follows close behind him, passing Remus his cane once he’s ready to go. 

“You boys behave!” Ted says sternly, which is hard to take seriously when he’s simultaneously puppeting Nymphadora’s hand around so that it looks like she’s waving. 

“And make sure those Weasley boys come home in one piece!” Andromeda adds. 

“Promise.” Regulus says, in a fond, yet annoyed tone. 

The two of them say hello and goodbye to Molly and Arthur as they come into the house, but their attention is quickly grabbed by little Nymphadora and suddenly they couldn’t care less about Remus and Regulus. 

Arthur only barely remembers to toss the keys to their truck so all five of them (and Leo) will fit. “If you let the boys sit in the bed, one of you has to sit back there with ‘em.” he shouts over his shoulder. “Even if they tell you they can sit alone. They can’t.”

It only takes 5 minutes of protesting and whining to get the Weasleys to agree to sit in the back if James and Sirius sit with them, leaving Leo and Remus the whole back seat to himself, and giving Regulus full control over the radio. 

As they drive, Regulus tries not to smile too wide at the sound of James’ laughter coming from the back of the truck. 

They arrive at the fair at sunset, and Regulus sends the five of them out to buy their tickets while he goes to find parking. As Remus steps out of the car, Leo makes the executive decision to move himself up to the passenger seat with Regulus. 

As Sirius and Remus lead the boys off, James hangs behind just a second longer to stick his arm through the driver’s window and pet Leo, before he hoists himself up fully to be able to reach Regulus’ cheek, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of his lip. 

Regulus chuckles as James dips away, apologising to the steady stream of cars being held up behind them. 

Leo whines, looking around for his new friends as they drive away. 

“I know,” Regulus hums, “but they’re not leaving. We’ll go find them.”

And they do. In fact, they find James waiting for them, alone, outside of the ticket booth, two stubs in hand and his radiant smile extended to Regulus. 

“C’mon!” James laughs, excitedly. “Sirius is trying to convince the boys that it’ll be fun to eat as much carnival food as they can before maxing out the rides.”

Eventually, they catch up with Remus and Sirius just before they’re approaching the first greasy looking hotdog cart, and they manage to talk Sirius down from buying Bill and Charlie the abomination that the menu calls “the Grim Reaper” which probably feels as good going down as it feels coming out.

“We won’t vomit!” Charlie whines as James drags him away from the cart. 

“Yeah, we promise!” his brother seconds. 

Regulus rolls his eyes. “You can’t actually make promises like that, unfortunately.”

“How ‘bout we do something even cooler than eating the grim reaper!” James suggests, with a conspiratorial tone, immediately capturing the boy’s interest. “Like… uh, getting our fortunes told!” he says, obviously picking the first booth he sees. Bill and Charlie, nevertheless, take James’ word as gospel and if he says it’s the coolest thing at the carnival, by god they’re going to do it!

As they wait in line for Madame Orla’s Tent of Mysteries and Majick , Sirius leans over James’ shoulder and says, “You don’t really believe in this stuff, right?”

“Why?” James smirks “Afraid of a little deck of cards, Sirius?” he says, letting his voice dip and making spooky fingers at him. 

“No!” Sirius scoffs, pushing James away. 

“Yeah, me neither!” Bill declares puffing out his chest. “Besides, there’s no way cards are going to tell me what my future is…”

“Maybe not…” Remus hums from behind them all. “But even if you don’t believe in the spiritual part of it, I suppose is what you would say, then it at least lets you be more introspective about the possibilities that are open to you.”

“Huh?” Bill asks, mouth gaping. 

“Uh…” Remus falters, “Just… gives you something to think about, I mean…”

Charlie wants to go in first and Regulus agrees to go in with him, leaving Leo outside with James.

The two of them brush through the beaded curtains and dip into the dimly lit tent. It smells of patchouli and sandalwood. There’s a young woman in a tasselled pantsuit, her long curly hair rolling down her shoulders in waves. She beckons them in with a mischievous smile and a crooked finger. They sit on the two cushioned chairs in front of her table. 

“Hey there little man.” She greets Charlie, her southern American accent taking Regulus only slightly by surprise. “Suppose you want your fortune told?” she asks, rhetorically. 

“Um, yes, please…” he says, bashfully. She smiles warmly at him before her gaze shifts to Regulus. 

“And how ‘bout you, hon?’

“Oh, no, just him is okay…”

“Please, Regulus?” Charlie whispers, little hand wrapping around Regulus’ wrist. Charlie gives him a meagre little smile. “It’ll be more fun if we both do it, right?” he asks the woman in front of them. 

She grins. “Most definitely.” she purrs, pulling a deck of elongated, fancifully decorated cards out from her lap.

Without waiting for Regulus’ answer, she gives them a slightly sloppy shuffle and then fans them out in her hands. 

“Three cards each, please.” She sing-songs. 

Reluctantly, Regulus reaches forward in tandem with Charlie. When Regulus picks up on the key generic words like “growth” and “choose your own path” in Charlie’s reading, he tunes Madame Orla out completely. Bill Weasley, he thinks to himself, is right. These cards will have no weight on the outcome of his life. He’ll get this ridiculous reading done and never think about it again. 

“Now!” Madame Orla claps her hands, startling him out of his daze. “Let’s see what we have here…” she hums as she swivels around to face Regulus. As she lays a hand on the first card, she spares Regulus a glance. “Nervous?” she asks, teasingly. 

Regulus rolls his eyes, not unkindly. “Not exactly.”

She shrugs, flippin the card in her fingers. “Probably for the best.” she admits. Laying the first card flat, Regulus is presented with the inversed image of a mone that hangs over a hill. 

“Hmm…” Madame Orla cocks her head. “Well, the reversed moon is not one I like to see in people’s pasts.”

Regulus straightens his posture, only marginally. “Why’s that?”

“It usually means there are… these shadows of confusion and unhappiness that linger behind you. They’re… they could be following you into the present in the form of insecurities and anxiety… It might mean, however, that you’re soon going to be in the process of liberating yourself from said shadows!” she says, optimistically. “Leaving them in the past, letting them fade away. Good for you.” she smiles at him as though this was something he had just confessed, not something she was reading off a picture on a card. 

“Thanks?” he says, because he doesn’t know what else to say to that. 

“Now your present…” she chirps, flipping the card over. 

A woman with a crown and a sceptre sits on a throne, her face serene but upside down from Regulus’ view. 

“A queen?” Regulus can’t help himself from guessing. 

“Empress, actually.” Orla hums, her mouth pressed in a flat line. “Uh, this is… well, she usually represents fertility, the birth of new ideas or opportunities or…” she trails off.

“But?” Regulus offers. 

“But when she’s upside down like she is, well, she can represent the loss of control and power… You- you feel like you’re losing your strength because you’re neglecting yourself… again, this kind of ties in to these feelings of insecurity that might make you want to… smother some parts of yourself.”

Regulus has nothing to say to that. He just watches, on the edge of his seat, as she flips the final card over. 

A stylized skull stares right back at him. 

“Shit…” he mutters. “That can’t be good…” he says, looking up at Madame Orla for reassurance. 

Her smile is warm again. “Actually, death is a very misleading card. In your case, it seems to be indicating the end of a major phase of your life.” she must see the horror that spreads across REgulus’ face because she laughs, gently, and shakes her head. “Don’t worry! It just means that change is coming, one that will bring you to a new beginning in your life. That’s exciting!” she prompts, with little reaction from Regulus. “The thing is,” she continues, “I’m sensing, and take this with a grain of salt, but this new beginning? It’s a door you’ll only be able to open when you begin to shut the first door behind you…” she cautions. 

Regulus leaves the tend in a daze, only half aware that Charlie was leaving behind him.

Outside the tent, James waits for him with Leo, a brilliant smile adorning his face, and the tension immediately seeps from Regulus’ shoulders. 

“How was it?” he asks Charlie.

“Creepy.” the boy shudders and Regulus chuckles. 

“It’s just a carnival show, Charlie. It’s not real.”

Regulus looks up at James who grins down at him. Warmth floods his chest, he feels like he’s drowning and James doesn’t even notice. How does he do that?

“C’mon,” James says, nodding over his shoulder to the rest of the fair grounds, “we’ve got a whole carnival to explore!”

- - - 

Regulus tries to weasel his way out of going on rides, using Leo as his excuse. Still, that somehow doesn’t stop James from being able to drag him onto the ferris wheel and the carrousel and –the proverbial last straw– the pendulum. After that, James lets up and Regulus doesn’t have to spend any more energy protesting rides. 

Bill and Charlie, however, still have oodles of energy and they need to play bumper cars before they eat.

Regulus honestly can’t begrudge Charlie or Bill for calling “dibs” on Remus and James (respectively) as their bumper cart seat partners for the next round. He even finds himself smiling as the two older boys are tugged off towards the little arena of colourfully painted buggies, leaving him to watch peacefully from the sidelines. 

It's only when Sirius clears his throat from behind Regulus does he come to the terrifying realisation that he’s finally been really alone with his brother for the first time since the hospital….

Shit . 

Sirius clears his throat and Regulus nearly jumps. He whips around to see Sirius smiling, tentatively at him and his blood runs cold. 

Shit, shit, shit . 

He hadn’t thought any of this through. What the hell was he supposed to say to him? He’d been blissfully ignorant of the massive fucking elephant in the room and now, here it was, ready to trample all over him. No James or Remus or even Andy to pull him back to safety now. 

“So I was thinking we hit up the mirror maze.” Sirius suggests, casually, turning to face said maze off to their right. “The line’s super short, see?”

“Uh, right… sure…” Regulus says before he has time to think. 

He isn’t sure what Sirius’ game plan is, but he’s already fallen so far behind. He needs to start thinking, get back on his feet quickly before Sirius can get the jump on him again. Sirius will definitely try to bring James up, and Regulus knows he can deflect that with a simple “you don’t own people” argument for at least a little while. What else… the hospital? Sirius will expect an apology. Regulus wants one too, and it’ll be easy enough to get, and he won't be giving one ‘till he’s got one fist. That puts him back in the lead. And if Sirius-

“You know,” Sirius is suddenly speaking, jerking Regulus out of his train of thought, “I think Bill and Charlie might like James better than they like us now…” he muses. 

Regulus’ mouth is moving before his brain is, but thankfully Regulus’ autopilot is totally inconspicuous. “Uh, yeah, well… it was a low bar, I think.”

Sirius chickles, no more than a breath of air puffed out of his nose, really. “Harsh, Reg.”

Regulus shrugs, ducking away at the sight of Sirius’ lips quirking upwards. “I mean, we’re the only people around for literal miles…” 

“Lucky them.” Sirius huffs snootily as they reach the front of the line. He turns to face the older woman standing at the entrance, and flashes her a smile. She rolls her tired eyes before pulling the curtain to the side to let them in. 

“Can the dog come in?” Regulus asks, tentatively hoping she’ll say no. 

She looks at him with a lethal glare. “Does it look like I care if you bring your dog in there, man?”

Regulus ducks his head, embarrassed, and enters the gaping maw of the maze. 

Regulus blinks rapidly, fighting the disarming environment, trying to adjust his gaze to the overwhelming darkness and occasional strobe light that greets them as they enter the maze. Regulus’ own reflection stares him down from all angles, bathed in hues of red light as they flicker on and off.  A soft fog covers the ground and there’s melodic calliope music playing from somewhere, echoing through the halls. He makes eye contact with Sirius in one of the mirrors, as his brother glances around at the hues of blues and purples that wash over him, his mouth gaped in awe. 

Sirius turns back to Regulus, a brilliant smile on his face. “Let's show this maze who’s boss, eh?” 

And with that, he promptly runs into his own reflection. 

Regulus has to fight the burst of laughter that threatens to burst from his chest. Sirius turns to face him, one hand cradling his forehead, and a misshapen smile plastered on his face. 

“Oh you think that’s funny for you?” Sirius taunts,though  his voice drips with laughter. 

Regulus nods, huffs of short laughter escaping through his nose. “I do, actually.” 

“Well, by all means, do show me how it’s done.” Sirius snarks.

“Don’t mind if I do.” Regulus teases. He sticks an arm straight out in front of him and walks, feeling the walls as the twist and turn before he can get too close to them. 

“Boo! Boring!” Sirius calls from behind him. Regulus rolls his eyes at him in the mirror. 

They walk in silence for about five seconds before Sirius says, “This has been fun, hasn’t it?”

“The carnival?” Regulus asks. “Sure. I mean, Bill and Charlie are having a great time, so…”

“Aren’t you?” Sirius asks, hopefully. Regulus can’t see him now from behind one of the corners of the maze. 

Regulus sighs. “I generally dislike leaving the house, but I guess it’s been alright…”

“C’mon!” Sirius geers, suddenly reaching out from out of nowhere and nudging Regulus from behind. “Admit it. This is fun… We never got to do stuff like this when we were their age…” 

“Can we not do this right now?” Regulus hisses under his breath, as he catches a glimpse of other fair goers in the reflections a few feet ahead of him. 

He swears he can hear Sirius roll his eyes. “What? I can’t talk to my brother about our childhood… or lack thereof…” he tacks on, tastefully. 

“No, you don’t. It’s in the past, Sirius.” Regulus grunts, accidentally dropping his arm, shoulder checking into a mirror. “Can’t we just leave it there?” he asks, trying to push Madame Orla’s voice from his mind. 

Sirius’ hand reaches out to steady him, but Regulus is pushing off the wall and walking before Sirius can even touch him. A huff of breath. 

“Look, I’m not going to be sorry for trying to have nice experiences with you!” Sirius raises his voice. Regulus almost swears that the mirrors are shaking around them. “What, are you mad because of this morning? I made it up with James okay, I don’t even care-”

“Sirius just stop, I don’t want to talk about it!” Regulus groans. Leo charges forward and bumps into a mirror. He lets out a whine and Regulus drops to his knees to rub at his snout. 

There’s a new voice from behind him. Someone clearing their throat and saying, excuse me. Sirius apologises, sweetly and tries to nudge Regulus out of the way. A flurry of legs and feet pass and Regulus doesn’t look up from his spot on the floor. 

Sirius sighs now. “Reggie, we have to keep moving.”

Regulus shoots up with a grunt. “Shut up, I know…”

Silence… and then-

“I won’t apologise for being your brother Regulus, for trying at least…”

Regulus spins on his heels, his jaw clenched tight, teeth grinding, spit gathering at the corner of his mouth. He sees Sirius step back, eyes widening; he must be horrible to look at right now but he doesn’t care. 

“Fuck you Sirius! Just- Fuck you!” he bellows. 

Sirius shakes his head. “You can’t push me away Reggie.” he whispers, so soft Regulus barely hears him. “Not anymore… We’re brothers , Reg, whether you like it or not…” he says, sternly.

The lights around them flicker once, twice then wash them in darkness. A voice crackles through a speaker; “apologies ladies and gentlemen, just having some technical difficulties. Remain where you are and stay calm, no need to panic.”

“Damn it, Sirius, why did we have to go in here!” Regulus groans, slumping back against a mirrored wall. 

Sirius guffaws. “I didn’t pull the fucking lights!”

“I don’t need this Sirius!” Regulus is only vaguely aware that he’s shouting. All he can hear is the sound of electricity whirring and his own blood rushing. The lights are flickering on and off, the music crackling to life and then cutting itself off. Regulus groans and throws his hands over his eyes. 

“Regulus, we’re-”

“No!” Regulus cuts him off, with a pained groan. “You don’t get it! Maybe- maybe I would have appreciated this years ago. When it mattered.” he says, pointedly. “But I don’t need this now. I don’t…” he says, softly.

Silence again. Lights flicker and the music starts and stops. Sirius is moving closer to him and Regulus doesn’t move away. 

“I don’t believe you Reg…” Sirius sighs. “I’m sorry, but I can’t believe that.”

“Well fuck what you believe.” Regulus huffs. “It’s the truth…”

“It’s not.”

“How would you know?” Regulus spits back. 

The lights sputter back on, the music whirring to life. A new voice over the speakers; “ladies and gentleman, it is now safe to resume your journey through the maze. Thank you for your patience and best of luck!”

Regulus looks at Sirius, his face washed in green light, the lines of his frown deep in his cheeks, his eyes glassy. He almost feels sorry. Almost. 

Sirius slowly reaches a hand out, giving Regulus more than enough time to pull away or shut him down. When he doesn’t, Sirius lays his hand on his brother’s shoulder, gripping him tight, holding him down to the floor as if Regulus is trying to escape. 

“ I still news you , Reg.” Sirius breathes, barely a whisper, like it’s a secret, like something he’s trying to tell him without their parents hearing, like they’re both still small and scared. “Okay? I need you… You don’t call it quits on your goddamn brother…”

With nothing from Regulus, Sirius grits his teeth and pushes through the next few turns in the maze, Regulus stumbling after him. 

For a while, he pretends not to see Sirius wiping his eyes in the mirrors that surround them. He pretends that Sirius can’t see him either. This all suddenly feels like too much; this is the longest he’s ever spent just talking to his brother since, well… When have they ever spoken like this before? Regulus feels like all his nerves are exposed, like he left his skin outside the maze and he has everything on display from all angles, and he might never escape these mirrors, and-

“Thank you for coming to the mirror maze!” a peppy, young carnival worker says as they emerge into the dusk-dipped setting of the outside world. 

They mutter their thank yous to the worker before walking off into the fairgrounds.

Sirius pulls out his phone. “Remus says they’re at the bandstand. Guess we should meet them-”

“Sirius.” Regulus ventures. 

“Yeah?” his brother asks, turning around to face him. Instead of shrinking in on himself, Regulus steels himself. 

Regulus would like to say he didn’t mean anything, that he would love nothing more than for them to just be brothers again and not have that word carry all their baggage with it. He wishes he could make himself want to hug Sirius without feeling like he was going to crawl out of his skin. He wishes that they were much younger so that this could be a memory of being with his big brother at their first fall fair that he can look back on in times like these. 

“We can’t… you can’t replace what we’ve lost, Sirius.” Regulus says, calmly. “We’ve lost so much time… We can’t afford to waste anymore of it…”

Sirius’ brow furrows. “Aren’t you angry? We could have had… God, we missed everything Reggie, I just want…” he sniffs and Regulus feels his heart lurch. “How can I make it up to you, Reg, just tell me…”

With one hand on his older brother’s elbow, Regulus thinks to himself that this is the first time he’s ever been the one to say to Sirius; “It’s okay. We’ll be okay. I just… we’re different people, Sirius, and I’m not ten years old, waiting for my big brother to come home anymore. Just… I need time before I can talk about it… but, that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to be there when we’re both ready…” 

For a second, they wear matching smiles. 

Then Sirius is pulling him forward, crushing him in a hug that makes him squeal like a dog toy. 

“Fuck, when did you become the emotionally mature one?” Sirius laughs in his ear. 

Regulus wriggles his way out of his brother's arms and starts making his way over to the bandstand, following the loud music. “It’s all those healthy coping mechanisms I’ve picked up in my youth.” Regulus says, dryly. 

“Right, you’ll have to show me those some day.” Sirius teases back as they approach the crowd that’s gathered around an outdoor stage. “For the record,” Sirius continues, “I’m… not actually upset about you and James.” Regulus lets out a breath of relief. “This morning, I was…”

“Jealous?” Regulus offers. “That he likes me more than you now?”

He hears his brother laugh, but it’s awkward and his jaw is tight. “Ha… yeah, actually.”

“Oh, shit.” Regulus startles, suddenly intent. 

Sirius laughs. “Really though, it’s… I’ll get over it.” he shrugs, and Regulus almost doesn’t believe him, until he says; “I’m just glad you’re both happy.”

Suddenly, there’s two familiar, young voices calling out their names. Both Sirius and Regulus perk up and scan the crowd. They find Remus before the rest of them, naturally, and they see the crowd shift around him as they all rush out of the crowd to regroup.

“Sirius! Regulus!” The boys shout in tandem, bounding forward, trying to rip themselves from Remus and James’ grips. 

Sirius’ smile lights up, glittery as usual. “Oi oi! Who won at bumper cars?” he asks, crouching down to their level. 

“We did, obviously!” Bill said, swinging James’ arm around. “We hit them a bunch!” he laughed, maniacally. 

Regulus smiles as the conversation launches into a very detailed and exaggeratedly graphic depiction of a round of bumper cars. He feels Leo tugging on his leash and turns to see him sniffing at the ground, like he’s trying to follow a scent. Regulus shouts over his shoulder that he’s going to take Leo for a walk and is leaving the group just as quickly as he came. 

Even with the sun gone, the fair ground is lit up by string lights and food stands and dazzling carnival rides. Regulus and Leo take in the sights and smells as Leo trots around, sniffing and peeing on fence posts and trying to eat carnival food from off the ground. They’ve walked for about five minutes and Regulus can still hear the bass from the band thrumming behind him, so loud he can feel it in his chest and in his throat. 

“Hey.” a voice calls from behind him and he nearly startles, only to find it’s Remus, waving at him from a few feet away. Leo tugs Regulus over to meet Remus halfway. Remus bends at the waist to give the dog a quick pat, before straightening himself up again. 

“Not a live music person?” Regulus asks.

“Not a standing in a crowd of sweaty, pushy people with no seats nearby person.” Remus sighs. “Mind if we sit?” he asks, gesturing to the bench behind Regulus. 

The two of them plop down on the ground with a heavy sigh. Leo follows suit, curling up on the floor with a content huff. 

“Really showing our age, huh?” Remus laughs, stretching out his back. 

“And we’re barely in our twenties.” Regulus sighs.

“Regulus…” Remus turns to him, his face stoic. “You have to promise me something…” Regulus nods, confused and dumbfounded. “When I turn thirty… you have to euthanize me.”

The two of them stare at each other in silence before bursting out laughing. 

“God, you really are too funny for my brother.” Regulus shakes his head. 

“Well,” Remus hums, conspiratorially, “I’m not sure if he’ll trade me in for James but, hey, it never hurts to ask!”

Regulus nudges his knee with his own. “You’re a dick.”

“Yeah, that’s why Sirius loves me.” he sighs, dreamily. 

“Gross…” Regulus gags. Remus laughs. Then, they sit in the warm silence for a minute or so.

Then, Remus is saying; “So, you two were alright, I assume?” Regulus cocks an eyebrow. Remus nods vaguely in the direction of the bandstand off in the distance. “You and Sirius. Didn’t kill each other.”

Regulus lets out a puff of air, tossing his head back, staring up at the star-speckled night sky. “Yeah, we’re alright…” he says, and he doesn’t even feel like he’s lying. 

“Good!” Remus chirps, before clearing his throat. “Um, that is good, right?”

Regulus’ eyes drift amongst the constellations instead of looking back at Remus, and he heaves out a sigh as he responds.

“I guess.” he offers, lamely. “I mean… is- is this what it’s meant to feel like? Having brothers, I mean?”

“You’re asking the wrong guy.” Remus chuckles. 

“It’s just… so weird. We talked about… feelings and shit…” Regulus snorts, like he can’t believe it. 

“Wow, you guys are really trying something new, I guess.” Remus hums. 

“Well I wish we weren’t.” Regulus sighs. “I wish he’d quit it…”

“Why?” Remus asks. “Cuz you don’t like it? Or because you don’t know what to do with it? Your emotions, I mean…” Remus clarifies. 

Regulus sits up straighter, narrowing his gaze at Remus suspiciously. “God, where the hell did that come from?”

Remus chuckles, shaking his head. “Sorry. Psychology minor.” he shrugs. 

Regulus rolls his eyes. “Well, nobody’s perfect…” he sighs. 

The two of them sit in relative silence afterwards, the only sound that of their own breath and the beat of the drums from far away. 

- - - 

“Reggie…” A voice calls out to him in the darkness. “Reggie, wake up.” There’s a warm hand on his jaw, the pad of a thumb running over his cheek. 

Regulus cracks an eye open to see a bleary image of James looking down on him. He smiles, softly, despite the way his lips crack when he does. 

He hears another voice say; “He just fell asleep a minute ago.” Remus, he thinks. 

He yawns, scrunching his face up and stretching out all his limbs. He lifts his neck slowly, feeling every knot as he does. Who let him fall asleep on a carnival bench?

“Tired?” James asks, and Regulus nods through another yawn. “Let's go get the car, huh? I think Bill and Charlie are ready to go home too.”

Now, slightly more awake, Regulus opens his eyes to see Sirius standing to the side. His brother nods down at the bench beside him, where Bill and Charlie are tucked into Remus’ sides, their heads dipping and rising as they nod in and out of sleep. 

“Yeah,” Regulus grunts, his voice gravelly, “yeah, I’ll go pull the truck around.” he agrees, as he stands up slowly. Leo, who seems to have fallen asleep as well, notices Regulus getting up and follow suit with a big stretch. 

“I’ll come with.” James chirps, looping his arm through Regulus’.

As they head off in the direction of the car, Sirius whisper-yells after them; “No funny business you two!” to which Regulus responds by throwing up the middle finger at his side. 

“Did you have a fun night?” James asks. 

“It was… interesting.” Regulus admits, leaning into James as they walked through the (surprisingly well lit) parking lot. 

James raises an eyebrow. “Really?” he asks, intrigued. “Why’s that?”

Regulus is far too tired, physically and emotionally, to bring up his discussion with Sirius, so he just shrugs. “Just… learned some things, I guess…” he says, cryptically. Then, he perks up. “Did you know that Remus is a psychology minor?” he asks, just for the sake of talking to James for a little longer. 

James gives a startled laugh, obviously not anticipating the question. “Yeah, actually.” he says, breathily. “We had the same minor, that’s how we met.”

“Ugh, I just can’t escape you people!” Regulus teases, throwing his head back, before rolling it onto James’ shoulder. 

“What can I say?” James hums, pressing a kiss to Regulus’ hair. “ You are psychologically fascinating.”

Regulus scoffs. “Don’t I know it…” he trails off as they approach the car. Regulus clambours into the drivers seat while James situates Leo in the back before hopping up into the passenger seat beside Regulus. He shoots him a warm smile before they pull out of their spot and begin to make for the carnival entrance. “You don’t… seem like the psychology type.” Regulus says, idly. “I mean, kinesiology I could smell on you,” he teases, “but psych? I mean, you don’t really have that… energy. ”

James barks out a laugh. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he demands. Regulus notices out of the corner of his eye that James is pulling a little square shaped thing out of his back pocket and propping it up on his thigh. 

Regulus smiles. “Well, you know,” he shrugs, “like… like Remus fits the bill. I mean, he looks like he’d have fun either writing or grading exams. But you? I mean, tell me if I’m way off, but you never struck me as that type.”

James relaxes into his seat. “Well, to quote many a grade school teacher, while I was never really a book learner , whatever that means, I was a people person.” Regulus takes his eyes off the gravel pathway for less than a second to look at James with concern written all over his face. James seemed to pick up on his concern. “It’s fine, I don’t take it personal anymore.” Anymore , Regulus thinks bitterly, but doesn’t interrupt. “Anyways, they were right.” James continues, wistfully. “I think I’ve always just been interested in people. Why we are the way we are, what makes us all so similar, yet so unique … I put up with the relentless readings for that.” 

Regulus smiles to himself as they pull up to the front of the fair grounds where Sirius and Remus each hold one Weasley brother on their hip. The four of them load up into the bed of the trunk. Sirius gives a tap on the side of the truck when they’re all settled. 

The drive home is peaceful. The sky is full of brilliant stars, soft piano music drifts from the radio (thanks to James) and he has his hand intertwined with the man beside him over the car’s gear shift and he feels lighter than ever. 

Back at the house, Arthur and Molly greet them in the driveway. They thank them all, silently, for bringing the boys out with them. Molly whispers to James; “You know, those boys just won’t stop talking about you!” as Arthur carefully moves them from the bed of the truck into the back seat. “They think you’re wonderful.”

“Well, they’re really great kids.” James smiles. “They’re pretty wonderful too.”

The four of them wave to the Weasleys as they drive off. 

Ted and Andromeda barely wait for them to all get in the door before wishing them all goodnight and trudging up the stairs, obviously exhausted. 

Remus and Sirius head up next, both of them hanging off each other, exhausted, leaving Regulus and James alone in the hallway.

Leo, oddly enough, instead of going upstairs to his corner of Regulus’ room, saunters over to the guest bedroom, pushing the door open with his snout.

James tilts his head to look at Regulus. “I think he’s trying to tell you something.” he whispers, tantalising. 

“You think so?” Regulus teases, letting James lead him towards the bedroom.

They’re a tangle of sheets and bare limbs before long, James’ head tucked into Regulus’ chest. Regulus pets over his soft curls as he listens to the sound of James’ breath. He traces the angles of James’ face with soft fingers, counts the eye lashes on his serenely sleeping face. He changes his breath to match the pattern of James’ and falls asleep to the feeling of their hearts beating in tandem.

Chapter Text

Regulus wakes up alone. The house is overwhelmingly quiet. The silence and the cold greet him before the sun does and there’s a wave of dread quickly washes over the room as Regulus thinks the memory of James’ arms curled around him the night before were just another dream. It wouldn’t be the first…

He rolls over onto the other side of the bed, and something pokes him in the ear. He lifts his head up and squints down at the offending object, finding a small, folded note –now crinkled– with his name printed on its front. The wave ebbs back into the sea of his subconscious. 

Regulus,
Andy and Ted popped out to take Nymph for a check up. Remus and Sirius are still asleep. I’m making breakfast. Get dressed to go out; I barely saw you yesterday and I miss you :)
XO, James

There’s a small, barely there doodle in the corner of the page that looks like a little cartoon version of Leo sleeping in his dog bed. 

His cheeks flood with warmth. He reads the little note over and over again. He has to bite down the ridiculous smile that threatens to split his face right open as he imagines James, writing this as the sun rises, looking down at Regulus sleeping and adding the little XO . he folded it up, trying to quell the fluttering of his heart. 

Regulus stumbles out of bed, trying to convince himself that he isn’t rushing just to see James. Because that would be embarrassing…

He doesn’t bother trying to find the clothes he ripped off last night, instead making straight for the pile of clothes inside James’ open suitcase. He keeps smiling to himself as he tugs on a ratty (to put it nicely) Spider-Man T-shirt and a pair of boxers that hang just a little too wide on the waist. 

He tried to quiet his evident giddiness as he approached the kitchen. He bit down on his lips to muffle the squeak that threatened to burst from him, he wrung his hands out to quiet their excited flapping. The moment he caught a glimpse of the back of James’ soft curls, his bare, broad shoulders, his grey sleep sweatpants, Regulus smiled even wider in spite of himself. 

As he approached the kitchen, the padding of his bare feet must have alerted James to his presence. The taller man spun around, two cups of tea in his hands and an even warmer smile on his face. 

“Morning love!” James chirps, meeting Regulus at the dining table. He lays down both mugs next to each other and pulls out a seat for Regulus. 

“Mhmm, morning.” Regulus mumbles back as he drops into the chair.

Lovelovelovelovelove . It’s not the first time James has called him that, but the weight of the word seems to sink in for the first time this morning.

Before he goes down, James drops a quick kiss on the top of Regulus’ head, then dips even lower to capture his lips. Regulus hums into the kiss, a pleasantly surprised little noise. 

Not a dream , Regulus decides, not because he’s totally convinced, but if he is dreaming he’d like to stay asleep a little longer. 

The two of them drink their tea as the sun lazily lifts itself into the morning sky, as though it was basking in the glow of their laughter and the warmth of their senseless conversation and the shine of their eyes. 

James talks about the Weasley boys and how much they loved the fair and how funny they are and how “they’re going to give Sirius’ reputation a run for its money.”

Regulus sits in the kitchen and relishes in the soft simplicity of their conversation. They talk about nothing and everything, for what feels like minutes and hours all at once. The glint in James’ eyes seems to outshine the sun in that moment, and even as he talks about football and tugs awkwardly at his own hair, Regulus can’t help but think that he could sit with him, right here, forever. The walls of the house fall away, even the distance the table puts between them starts to feel like nothing, like the only things left on the planet are him and James.

A phone rings, disrupting their perfect peace. 

Regulus, instinctively, spins in his chair to check the phone near the front desk, but turns back when he realises that the ringing is coming from the mobile in James’ pocket. 

“Huh…” James hums to himself, an eyebrow raised at the screen in his hand. “Sorry, I just need to…” he's trailing off and answering his phone in one breath. 

James pushes away from the table and shuffles himself back into the kitchen before Regulus can catch the greeting he mumbled into the receiver. His hasty exit doesn’t hold his attention for long, however, because soon enough, Sirius is stomping/stumbling down the stairs, running a hand gruffly over his face. 

“What happened to you?” Regulus asks, narrowing his eyes incredulously at his brother. It’s unusual to see Sirius with eyebags so visible under his eyes. He tends not to greet anyone before he’s put his concealer on. 

“Moony’s not feeling well.” Was all he said, yawning into his hand. “Grabbing him a hot pad and some brekkie in bed because I’m an amazing boyfriend, I know, you can sing my praises later.” he says, waving his hand dismissively.

“Is he alright?” Regulus asks, tentatively, not wanting to make what seems like not a big deal (by Sirius’ reaction) into something, but still worrying for Remus. 

“Yeah, he says he slept funny. His back’s aching, is all… it’s just…” Sirius sighs, stopping across the table, leaning against the wall like he’s James Dean. “You know, I’m worried, obviously. Sometimes it’s really awful when he’s in pain like this and I get…” terrified , Regulus assumes is what he doesn’t say. “But, he’s been dealing with it his whole life,” Sirius digresses, like he’s trying to remind himself of this fact, “he knows what he needs. I just wish…” he clears his throat and the flash of worry disappears from his eyes as they lock with Regulus’. He smiles, bright. “Anyways! Better hop to it!” he says as he saunters into the kitchen to gather up some food. 

In the split second after Sirius turns away from him, Regulus ( genuinely ) realizes why Remus keeps him around. 

Regulus gazes down into his empty mug, eyes tracing the rings of tea stains. He thinks about his brother and Remus, about how they have this compulsion to care for each other, like it’s second nature. He wonders where Sirius learned it, if he picked it up somewhere in America or on the Italian coast. Lord knows he didn’t inherit it from their parents. 

He finds himself suddenly envious of his brother. While it’s slightly unnerving to see Sirius being so… domestic , Regulus finds himself jealous of the ease with which it seems to come to him. He begrudges the adoration and care they have for each other's imperfections. In fact, he can feel himself turning green at the thought of Sirius and Remus’ ability to glide over even the roughest water. He resents their fearlessness.

He leans back in his chair, peering around the corner to where James is pacing a hole in the kitchen floor and his envy slips quickly into apprehension. 

He watches James mutter into the phone, his brow creasing, chewing on the skin that peels from his lips. Sirius notices him too and easily slips a hand onto James’ shoulder. The two of them share a meaningful glance and Regulus feels more than he sees the tension dissipate from their shoulders. 

Regulus is too distracted to acknowledge Sirius as he makes his way back up the stairs. All he can think about is how he’s taken the simplicity of his relationship (if he could call it that) with James for granted. As he stares at the back of the man in the kitchen, watching as his back tenses and relaxes with each rise and fall of his shoulders, and in that moment remembers that he’s just that; a man. 

Everything about James up until now has been shrouded in stardust, a thin veil of magic that surrounds him, keeping them just far enough apart that Regulus hasn’t yet considered the possibility of what they might be risking if either of them should try and push themselves even closer together. 

He thinks about the past few days, how wrapped up he’s become in James… everything . He let his guard down, he hadn’t even spared a thought about what might happen if they became more than what they are. And what are they anyways? And would James even want more? And what would ‘more’ look like for them? And what would happen if more was suddenly too much? And would they make it out like Remus and Sirius? Or would they- 

“Hey!” James sighs as he returns to the table, tucking his phone into his pocket. “Sorry, that was my mum. Just haven't talked to her in a while…” He smiled, but the corners of his lips dipped down when he caught sight of Regulus’ bewildered expression. “Hey, you okay?” He asked, tenderly placing a hand down over Regulus’ own. 

“Yeah,” Regulus whispers, before clearing his throat and repeating, “yeah just… Remus is feeling a bit under the weather.” he says, gesturing upstairs. 

“Shit, I should…” James makes a vague gesture, and Regulus nods readily. 

“Yeah, yeah of course.”

James is about to turn to go up the stairs when he seems to catch himself forgetting something. A quick kiss is suddenly pressed to Regulus’ forehead. He pulls away and smiles, and calls out over his shoulder, “I meant what I said. I’m taking you out today, so go get dressed!”

As he does just that (in his own room this time), Regulus weighs the pros and cons of not bringing his anxieties up to James. 

Pro: (assuming James doesn’t laugh in his face) he might want to take their relationship further, give them a label, make things “official”

Con: they make it official and the pressure crushes them. Or, James is put off right then and there and pulls the plug.

Pro: James tries to understand where Regulus is coming from, tries to accommodate his worries

Cons: he doesn’t understand and it freaks him out. Or, he tries his best but it’s ultimately too much stress for him to worry about Regulus all the time

Pro: James opens up to Regulus in turn, they talk through their mutual worries, they try their best for as long as they can.

Con: James is perfectly understanding. Regulus is the problem. 

He manages to fully dress himself on autopilot by the time he reaches the end of his spiral. 

He decides he looks presentable enough and makes his way out into the hallway, where he’s greeted with the sight of Remus, looming in his doorframe, looking rather exhausted. 

“Alright?” Regulus asks, his brow arching. He hopes he isn’t intruding on Remus’ privacy but his instinct to worry overtakes his instinct to have that forethought. 

Remus looks up with a huffed laugh and a half smile. “Alright.” he nods, sincerely, as he shuffles his way into the hallway. 

“Alright…” Regulus hums back. He watches (like a stalker, in retrospect) as Remus crosses the hallway and pauses at the door to the bathroom. 

He lifts his head to look at Regulus over his shoulder with his hand on the doorknob. “Wanna fucking come in with me or something?” he snarks. 

Regulus ducks his head, embarrassed. “Sorry, I just… wanted to make sure you were alright.” he admits sheepishly. Unfortunately Remus already knows Regulus is an emotional being, there’s no hiding it from him now. 

Remus chuckles. “You two are so similar.” he sighs. “It’s cute.”

Well what the fuck is that supposed to mean. 

“Don’t you have a date to be going on?” Remus calls as he shuts the bathroom door behind himself. 

And Regulus does go. He sweats and shivers with nerves as he rushes down the stairs. Leo has, helpfully, retrieved his collar from its spot on the floor and held it up to him between his teeth, his tail wagging with enough excitement for the both of them. James calls out that he’ll be “out in a second” from his room, giving Regulus enough time to collect his thoughts. 

Is this technically their first date? It will be the first time they’re alone together. Well, not counting the times they slept together. Shit, they’ve already done this all out of order. Isn’t the point of a first date to start “uncovering the mysteries of each other”? At least, that’s what Andy had told him a long time ago. 

He worries there's no “mystery” left for James to discover. James already knows far too much about him. He’s known Regulus since childhood , for fucks sake, and lord knows how much Sirius runs his mouth. It’s highly likely that there isn’t a single interesting thing left to know about Regulus that James isn’t already somehow aware of. Which, in itself, is problematic for other reasons. Letting his guard down, letting all his vulnerability out in the open like that, and James is just so damn disarming that Regulus didn’t even notice until…

“Hey,” James is suddenly calling out from right behind him, “where’d you go up there?” He asks with a soft smile, and a gentle caress to the side of Regulus’ head. 

Regulus shakes his head. “I’m right here.” he says through a tight lipped smile. James’ brows furrow, and Regulus clears his throat. “So, how far is… um, where are we going?”

James perks up. He links his arm through Regulus’ and opens the door for them. “That’s for me to know and you to find out.” he says with a wink. 

- - - 

“Ta-dah!” James declares, gesticulating to the bright red sign above him that reads “Pine Grove Orchards” in painted white lettering. 

Regulus raises an eyebrow. “You brought me from my farm to… some other farm.” he states, trying not to give anything away. 

James rolls his eyes and rushes back over to Regulus to scoop up his hand that isn’t occupied with Leo’s leash. “Well, I didn’t see any apple trees on your farm.” he teases. “C’mon! Apple picking? That’s romantic, right?” he asks, like a genuine question.

Regulus bites down on an embarrassingly wide smile. “In theory.”

James shakes his head with a laugh. “You are one hard man to please, Regulus Black.” he sighs, already dragging Regulus through the entrance. Regulus doesn’t even pretend to try and resist. “Don’t worry though,” James continues, “I’ll keep trying.”

Regulus goes through a mentally gymnastics routine while James speaks to a staff member handing out cardboard baskets. 

A part of him scolds himself for being so easily pleased by James. Didn’t he once pride himself on being inscrutable, unknowable, Regulus the enigma? Regulus who never got close to more than three people in school over the past fourteen years, who never let anyone know him. Yet here he is, blushing and flustered over James Potter and his stupid apple picking date. 

“Alright, so apparently we can just go out there?” James says, turning to face Regulus, apple baskets in hand. He nods over to the surrounding orchard. “Ready?” Leo barks in response before Regulus can answer. James laughs as the mutt starts dragging Regulus forward on his leash. “At least someone’s excited to be here.” he sighs.

Regulus stiffens as he follows James down the dirt path. “I- I want to be here!” he rushes. “I promise, it’s just… lost in thought, is all…”

“Reg, I’m kidding.” James says, nudging Regulus with his elbow. His smile is sincere when he continues. “If you didn’t want to be here though, just tell me, it won’t hurt my feelings.” Regulus narrows his eyes, earning him an eye roll and another light shove from James. “Okay, it might hurt my feelings a bit , but only because I would feel bad that you’re having a bad time.”

Regulus shakes his head and takes a basket from James. “I haven’t been apple picking in forever.” Regulus hums, thoughtfully.

James seems to brighten up. “Isn’t it the perfect fall activity, though? Like, really what says fall more than an apple orchard!” He emphasises his point by trying to yank an apple off the tree. Try being the operative word. The branch bobs up and down as he fruitlessly (literally) tugs on the apple.

“I think you’re supposed to twist and pull.” Regulus snickers. He turns to start picking from a tree across from James, trying to hide his smile. Pull it together, Regulus, he tells himself, that was not cute. It would be embarrassing for anyone else. It's embarrassing for him too. Not cute. Definitely not.

“Very funny.” James deadpans, finally managing to free the apple.

“Thought you’d impress me with your big dumb jock muscles?” Regulus asks over his shoulders. An apple comes out in his hand and he drops it into his basket. 

“Oh please,” James scoffs from behind him, his own basket steadily filling up, “I was never a dumb jock.”

Regulus rolls his eyes, even though James can’t see it. “You were the one who flooded the maths hallway to get out of one test in year ten. Forgive me if I’m not convinced.”

James' ears heat up as he remembers the fit of anxiety induced rage that had led fifteen-year-old him to have slammed his textbook into the nearest water fountain. If the flooding hadn’t gotten the test cancelled, he had gotten out of it on the grounds of suspension. 

“Not my finest moment, I’ll admit.” he said, clearing his throat. “B- but listen,” he stumbles over his attempt at a recovery, “before I ever tried footie, I was in dance. So, technically still a sport, but you’d never call a dancer a dumb jock, right?”

Regulus scoffs his disbelief as he lets Leo off his leash. “Yeah, good one.” he hums. 

“On my life, ballet classes for six years!”

Finally pausing to turn around, Regulus nearly blushes when he realises James is already watching him, waiting for a reaction. “No fucking way.” he huffs, his voice laced with incredulity (and a dangerous amount of genuine curiosity). 

James just shrugs his shoulders and smirks as he twists another apple off a branch without looking. “Ask Sirius, we took the same classes.” he hums, taking a reprieve from his apple picking to toss around the stick Leo picked up. He watches as Leo dashes down the aisle, barking wildly, golden yellow leaves being whisked up in his wake. Sparing a glance over at Regulus, who had gone back to not looking at him and pretending not to smile, and James smiled himself. 

“Don’t tease!” James cried in offense.  

“Sorry.” Regulus shook his head, his hair brushing over his shoulders in waves that danced in the mid afternoon sun. “I’m just imagining a little James Potter in his little tutu.” He gave James a sideways glance over his shoulder. “You look adorable, by the way.”

If James could blush any harder he would. “Actually, they didn’t let me wear the tutu, much to six-year-old me’s upset.” He hums, as he contemplates taking a bite out of a particularly ripe apple. “Well, they tried to stop me, anyways, but I went out in one for my final recital before promptly quitting.”

“No one puts Potter in a corner.” Regulus hums to himself. He turns to face James. “How many apples are we allowed to pick?” He asks, peering down to take stock of how many they have between them. 

“ Ash muhny ash ‘ee cah’ fi’ i’the bashket.” James mumbles through a mouthful of apple. “Wah’ shome?” He extends it to Regulus. 

Regulus’ face contorts into at least ten different expressions as realizes that, even with spittles of apple juice coming out of his mouth, James is still gorgeous and Regulus is no less enamoured by him. He worries, momentarily, that he might never be able to find the off switch on whatever magnetic force radiates from James. He wonders if he’ll ever find a way to be comfortable about that. For now, he just settles for the feeling of riding the high before it’s inevitable low. 

In spite of himself, Regulus leans forward and kisses the apple juice that’s slowly dripping down James’ lip off his skin. He lingers too long, and only realises it when he feels Leo’s wet nose and sharp stick digging into his shin. 

He pulls back from James and tries to look away from his now swollen bottom lip as he crouches to entertain Leo in a game of tug-of-war. 

He clears his throat. “Ever wonder what would have happened if you had kept up with dance?” He asks over the sounds of Leo’s playful growls. 

James shrugs, taking another bite of his apple. “Probably would’ve found myself in sports science eventually, so I wouldn’t be too different. Maybe I’d be even closer to Sirius if we kept it up together!”

“Perish the thought.”

“It wouldn’t have been for me in the long run.” James continues. “I was like twelve when I stopped and I had the leg strength, but the lifts they make the guys do are insane at a competitive level.” James huffs with a shake of his head. “Not that I’m skipping arm day!” He clarifies, which makes Regulus roll his eyes and smirk, which makes James’ heart beat heavy in his throat. “But I’d be scared to drop someone on my face.”

“Well, you must protect that asset or it’s all over.” Regulus teases, returning to picking from (what he has deemed) his side of the aisle. Then, it comes to him that James quit at twelve. “Wait,” he backtracks, “I knew you while you were doing ballet-”

“Well, I’ve known Sirius since you were born so, yeah, go figure-”

“-why did I not know this about you?” As he asks this, Regulus turns to face James, who is giving him a severe look. Regulus watches as James’ head drops to look at the floor, watches his brows furrow, hears the sigh pass his lips, all for him to say;

“Maybe there’s a lot you don’t know about me.” He makes a ridiculous, exaggerated, pouty face as he says it, and he can only hold his serious expression for so long before he bursts out laughing. 

Regulus rolls his eyes. “Drama queen.” he mutters. 

“Maybe if you weren’t so busy avoiding me like the plague when we were kids we would have been closer?” James proposes, between fits of giggles. 

“Maybe you should’ve been less of a nuisance then.” Regulus counters. 

“Pardon me!” James gasps in mock offence, loud enough for the people passing them in the next aisle over to give them an odd glance. “Name one thing I did nuisance-ical!” he implores Regulus, watching him with an entirely put on scrutinizing glare. 

“Well, for one, you just made up the word nuisance-ical.” Regulus offers, but James shakes his head. 

“Doesn’t count,” he declares, followed by making the sound of a loud incorrect buzzer, “has to be something that pissed you off as a kid.”

“How’s sneaking into my bedroom in the middle of the night?” Regulus asks with a raised eyebrow. 

James grans and covers his face in his hands. “You know that was an accident! I was trying to get to Si-”

“ Sirius’ room ,” Regulus finishes for him, “I know. That’s another thing; it was always JamesAndSirius , and you would go about causing a ruckus all for me to get in trouble for letting you through the door!”

“Ah, yeah, that one’s on me.” James admits, sheepishly. 

“Actually,” Regulus states, in a matter-of-fact tone, “no, that was rather Orion and Walburga’s fault.” He spits their names out like they leave a bad taste in his mouth. James only nods and reaches over to lace his free hand with Regulus’. “God, they hated you…” Regulus laughs, mirthfully. 

“Probably for the best.” James hums.

“They said you were a bad influence. Every time we were caught at your house, they would scold us about your methods of corrupting us.” Regulus says the last two words in the voice that he uses when he mocks Orion Black, all regal and pompous. He’s too good at the impression.

“They made me take piano.” Regulus hums, thoughtfully. “They thought putting me in dance would make me too much like you and Sirius.” he looks over at James with a humourless smile. “Maybe, in another version of time, we would have been closer…”

James looks at Regulus, gazes into the galaxies of his eyes until he ducks away. “I’m glad we get to be close now.” He says, nudging himself closer to Regulus. 

They walk through the Orchard in relative silence, not stopping to pick any more, Leo trotting along happily ahead of them. 

James runs his thumb along the side of Regulus’ hand and wishes he could hold the sun up over the horizon just a moment longer to see Regulus’ face light up at the sight for a minute more. His chest tightens at the thought of the day being over too soon. He watches Regulus as he watches the sunset, and wishes now more than he ever has before that he had a way to know exactly what Regulus was thinking. 

When the clouds in the sky fade from oranges and pinks to warm purples and deep blues, James suggests that they return to the truck before it got too dark to drive. The reattached Leo’s leash and let him lead the way back to the main property, where the ranch hands were packing up their signs and the last of the visitors were making their way out. 

James spotted a group of friends struggling to take a picture. He calls out to them as they pass if they’d like him to take the picture for them. The young girl with pink hair who had been holding the phone thanks him as she hands it over. She and her four other friends set up to pose with the sunset over the trees in the background and James smiles as he snaps a few pictures. 

“Did you two want one?” The girl with the pink hair asks when James says he’s finished. 

He looks back at Regulus, who makes a pained expression at James. Having expected that response, more or less, James is about to decline the girl’s offer, when Regulus speaks out.

“Sure, why not.” he shrugs.

The two of them switch places with the group of teens, who shout and cheer for them to pose and smile and “work it” (whatever that means) from behind the camera. Regulus laughs, heartily, and ducks his face into James’ shoulder after about ten seconds of being under the lens. 

They thank the teens for their pictures and go their separate ways. As the walk, James leans closer to Regulus to show him the pictures on his phone. They laugh at the ones where they’re blinking or not looking at the camera. James looks down at the last picture of them, the Regulus in his phone screen smiling so wide you can see it, even with his face pressed into James’ neck.

The songs on the radio on the way back sing the soundtrack to the day’s perfection. 

Eventually it’s Regulus who breaks the silence. 

“Remus wants to go job hunting this week, apparently?” Regulus says, looking down incredulously at the text he just received. 

“Jesus,” James puffs out a breath of hot air, “like full time?”

“He’s saying something about reaching out to an old professor about shadowing him at his office?” Regulus reads. 

“It’s hard to believe we’re proper adults now.” James sighs, stretching his shoulders out against the car’s backrest. “You know,” he tilts his head over to Regulus’ direction, “I still have no idea how it’s all supposed to work.”

“How’s what supposed to work?” Regulus asks with a yawn. 

“Being twenty-five.” James says. He laughs when he says it, but the weight of the words seems to pressurise the car’s entire cabin. 

“Really?” Regulus smiles. “You seem well suited to it. I’d say you’re a professional.”

James scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Hardly… Truth is, I have no idea where to go from here…” he says to the dark, narrow road ahead of him. 

“Sounds like an adventure.” Regulus says, absentmindedly as he leans his head over onto the car window. 

James’ heart stutters in his chest. He drives the rest of the way home in silence, listening to the sound of Regulus’ breath. As he looks out at the open stretch of road ahead of him, he glances up at the sky. Alone on the road, the last awake in the car, the stars seem to shine just for him.

Chapter Text

Over the next few weeks, Regulus wakes up in the spare bedroom more often than in his own room. He’s thoroughly embarrassed when, come laundry day, he’s stripping his bed sheets that have been untouched for the past week and a half. 

It’s early October when he realizes it’s been a month; a month of waking up in the warmth of James; a month of sitting next to him at every meal; a month of shared cups of tea and horse rides through the trails and impromptu dates to the bakery, to a pottery class, to the library reading hours with Nymphadora, to a candlelit dinner in the kitchen when they have the house to themselves. 

“It’s just going a bit… fast , don’t you think?” Regulus asks James, when the black hole in his chest feels particularly ravenous for self destruction. 

Whenever he gets like this, he feels like a spoiled brat. He’s had more good days than bad recently, his chest felt less and less heavy each day, as it became more and more full. It was a relief most days, but there was always an underlying, unnerving feeling like he’s still waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under him.

It was ridiculous and it made him feel shitty for even thinking it, not only because it made him feel miserable for no particular reason, but because it felt like a betrayal to James. James who had been so perfectly sweet through all of Regulus’ hot and cold moods. Even now. 

“I feel like if you’re comfortable with the way things are, we shouldn’t be worried about what’s considered ‘too fast’.” James shrugs. 

He folds another shirt and lays it down on the coffee table. Because that’s what they do now. They fold laundry while watching the Saturday morning news, in their pajamas, while their tea steeps. 

“Seriously?” Regulus laughs. “Look at us!” he gestures to everything . “This isn’t too… domestic for, what, two months in?”

“Well, technically, I've known you since you were six, so, technically we're going on sixteen years.” James points out. Regulus only rolls his eyes.

“You know what I mean.” He sighs, exasperatedly. “We weren't… looking at each other when we were young.” He turns his gaze downwards as he says it because it would be too embarrassing to admit to James that he did have a schoolboy crush on him, once upon a time. 

James sets down the half folded shirt he’s holding, in favour of placing his hands on Regulus’ shoulders. The shock of electricity passes from James to Regulus where their skin meets. 

“Regulus,” James breathes, like if he talks any louder, he’ll shatter the moment, “I… have loved you ever since I have known you…”

Regulus blinks. 

“I never should have let you read that fucking book.” he mutters as James laughs.

“I’m sorry!” James shrieks as Regulus retaliates by hitting him, repeatedly, with a throw pillow.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist! You highlighted the passage in pink!”

“I cannot be held responsible for what thirteen year old me thought was romantic…” Regulus scoffed, turning his back towards James. He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest to really sell it. 

He could feel James moving closer before he felt the arms wrap around his shoulders, before he felt the kiss to the back of his ear. 

“You're right though.” James hums. “I feel like I’ve known you forever, but, at the same time, I feel like I’m meeting you for the first time over and over every day.”

“We’re practically strangers.” Regulus muses, but James gives a unsatisfied hum. 

“No, it’s not that… it’s more like… like a surprise party every day-“

”Maybe you really don’t know me — nothing about me has ever been a party.” For that, Regulus receives a soft push on the shoulder and a laugh as pure as sunlight.

“I just mean that I count myself lucky to get the chance to learn more about you than I knew the day before.” James smiles and presses his face into Regulus’ cheek so he can feel the depth of his dimples, the warmth of his skin. James kisses him on the cheek so simply that it makes Regulus wonder what he had even been worrying about.

So he goes back to sharing the spare room with James. He even takes to moving a small pile of his own clothes downstairs, and sets Leo’s bed up in the far corner. He’ll take the teasing from Andromeda every morning, if only for the parks of waking up beside James. 

In fact, on mornings like this, he wouldn’t trade in his time with James for the world.  

Mornings when he wakes up to James’ arms circling tight around him, the warmth from the sun filling the room, the soft press of lips to his back, his shoulders, his chest, trailing down to his navel…

“Morning.” James will whisper, the heat of his breath ghosting against Regulus’ inner thighs, before his lips make their way there, then further center. 

“Mhmm, good morning indeed.” Regulus gasps at the feeling of James’ tongue, wet and warm against him. The two of them shuffle around under the sheets until Regulus’ legs are thrown over James’ shoulders as he presses impossible closer to Regulus.

He sighs and sinks deeper into the sheets. Resting an arm under his head, he melts into James’ touch. Reaching a hand down, he rakes his fingers through James’ curls, the scratch of nails against his scalp elicits a deep rumbling moan from James that Regulus can feel which makes him blush profusely and shiver from head to toe.

“Fuck, James…” he whined, hands clenching tighter around the curls of hair in his hand. James responded with a firm push of his tongue flat against Regulus, which made him whimper out a string of curses. 

The heat from the sun peeking in through the window beat down on Regulus’ chest. James peered up, eyes tracing hungrily over the sharp edges and soft curves that made up the expanse of Regulus’ abdomen and chest.

He replaces his mouth at Regulus’ entrance with his fingers so he can hoist himself upwards, licking and kissing and biting his way up Regulus’ body until he finally settles on his neck.

Regulus preens. “Oh, fuck, James… please …” he groans, as James’ fingers slip out of him so he can fumble with the lube. 

“Yeah?” James rumbles. “I’ve got you… I’m here…”

Regulus chokes on his breath as James pushes forward, his hips quickly gaining pace from their languid strokes with each of Regulus’ pleas. 

His senses are drowned in James. He breathes in the scent of his floral shampoo, accompanied by a woodsy tone of aftershave and cologne, all masked with a general undertone of something altogether James . He bites into James’ shoulder, if only to lick at the marks his teeth leave. James hisses a chuckle, and gives Regulus a nip at the ear in teasing retaliation. Regulus comes apart, panting heavily into James’ mouth, hands buried in his hair, the softness of James’ voice lulling him back to a light sleep as the waves of his pleasure crash and wean. 

They collapse in a heap, melting into each other, becoming one new being entirely as they seep into each other under the covers. Regulus feels it in his bones, reverberating through his chest when James starts giggling. He’s always giggly after sex. It’s horribly endearing, Regulus has come to find. 

“Hungry?” James asks, stretching out his bite-riddled shoulder. 

Regulus musters all his strength to flick James across the side of his head. “Fuck you.”

“You just did, gimme a minute-”

“You’re insufferable.” Regulus rolls his eyes, tucking his face into James’ neck to save himself the embarrassment of being seen. A lanky, calloused hand cards its way through Regulus’ sweat-matted hair. “Don’t,” he whines, pulling away, “ ‘m gross…”

“Nuh-uh.”

Regulus turns his head to catch James’ pout. “Is this supposed to be endearing?” Regulus asks, despite the very telling flutter in his chest indicating that, yes, it is. Not only that, but it’s working . 

James sighs and rolls off of Regulus. “First of all,” he yawns as he stands and stretches (and the sight of his back marked with red marks doesn’t affect Regulus in the slightest, thank you very much), “you could never be gross. I still like you when you sweat.” James emphasizes the point by placing a sloppy, open mouthed kiss to Regulus’ temple. 

Regulus grumbles to himself and pushes James’ face away while he continues. “And second, I’m not trying to embarrass you…” He leans down to purr in Regulus’ ear when he says; “I like when you’re a bit possessive.”

“That’s not what that- I wasn’t…” Regulus stutters, overly flustered at James’ words and his roaming hands and lips. 

“I mean, I should be concerned, considering how much vampire shit you’ve been watching recently.”

James has the sense to bolt for the door before Regulus can smack him over the head with a pillow. He shrieks and laughs as he trips over the plaid pants he was pulling on as Regulus lobs a pillow at his head. He rushes to the doorway, using the discarded pillow to shield himself from the next one as it hurtles towards him. 

“You caught me watching Twilight one time! ” Regulus huffs , crossing his arms over his chest. 

James steps back into Regulus’ space to wrap his arms around his shoulders. “Baby, I’ll gladly be the human juicebox to fulfil your Edward Cullen kink.” he whispers, patronizingly. 

Regulus tries to shake him off, to no avail. He yanks himself downward, pulling James down on top of him, folding themselves together like origami. 

“I won’t be shamed.” he declares over James’ soft laughter. “It’s autumn, James, I legally have to watch Twilight.”

“Whatever you say, darling.” James sing-songs as he pulls himself up and begins to drift towards the door. 

“Tis the season, James.” Regulus calls after him, refusing to let his taste in films go undefended. “Tis the fucking season! Let me live!” The warmth of James’ subsequent laughter still reaches him, even as it floats off down the hall. 

So, yes, in all honesty, Regulus might not mind waking up next to James for… as long as he’ll have him.

Well, most days, anyways…

There are days when things are still not so good. 

Regulus can tell it’s going to be a bad day when he can’t be bothered to get out of bed. His chest feels heavy and his legs feel numb, and his mind fights with his body as each kiss from James pleads with him to get out of bed. They aren’t enough to make him feel any lighter, which makes him feel like a selfish brat, which makes him feel like he shouldn’t bother getting out of bed anyways all over again. 

He whines with discontent when James tries to shake him out of his stupor. He wishes he could find the words to tell James that this isn’t something that can be fixed, no matter how many sweet words are whispered into his ear, how tempting the hands rubbing circles into his waist are. 

He wishes he could find the words to tell James that it’s okay, that he doesn’t have to worry, that this is normal. Only, it isn’t normal, is it? So he understands why James is confused, why he’s shouting, why the tears in his eyes fall hot and angry, why he throws up his hands after hours of begging and pleading with Regulus gets him nowhere. He can’t hold it against James; everyone always does the same, eventually. 

It takes him two days to feel marginally better. He’s spent the last 48 hours merging with the bedsheets, and when two full days of skipping meals starts to catch up to him, he finds it himself to start to force himself to slump towards the kitchen. The sun from the late afternoon is too warm on his skin as he shuffles through the house, squinting against its glare. 

It’s just his luck that James is also waiting for him as soon as he reaches the kitchen. 

Without even having to turn around, like James can sense him coming into the room, he calls out to him. “Finally joining the land of the living then?” His voice is filled with disdain, and Regulus realizes that they might be having their first substantial fight. 

Tensing up his entire body, back pressed up to the farthest wall, Regulus makes a rebuttal. “Well, I’m sorry it was so inconvenient for you James…”

“ Inconvenient ?” James whirls around, dropping whatever he was holding in the sink with a sickening clatter. “Yeah, because it was inconvenient to sit by the side of the bed, watching you starve yourself, waiting for you to get up, for three days! I was scared shitless, Reg, you have no idea!” he cries, throwing his arms around in an angry flourish.

Regulus quirks an eyebrow. He thinks that James is being sarcastic, but he can’t find another meaning in his words. “I’m sorry?” He meant for his voice to sound more confident, so he tried again. “I’m sorry that you haven’t realized that this ,” he thumps the heel of his palm against his head, “and whatever the fuck is wrong with me scared you ! This doesn’t revolve around you, James!”

James winces, but his face remains steely, his brows. “I’m not saying that, Regulus!” He laughs, and the cruel sound sends a shiver down Regulus’ spine. “We’re partners , Regulus. That means we’re meant to rely on each other! How am I supposed to do that when you don’t trust me to be there for you!” he rumbles. Regulus catches the first hint of watering in James’ eyes as James turns his gaze away from him. “Is it really so shocking that I might actually want to help you? That that’s what I’m here for?” James shouts, his voice trembling, and Regulus takes a step into the kitchen, cautious, like he’s letting James sniff his hand before he bites him. 

Regulus barely even thinks about the label before it’s slipping from his lips, like he’s been thinking of it the whole time. “Of course we’re partners, James, of course!” he exclaims, eyes wide and pleading. “It kills me to know that I’m hurting you, don’t you get that? I’m- I’m not doing this for fun!” His laugh is more self-deprecating than it is humorous. “I’m sorry you can’t fix this James! It’s just… It can’t be fixed…”

James’ arms are around Regulus before he even realizes his legs are shaking. Breathing in James scent, Regulus hopes making up will always be this easy. At the very least, he doesn’t have to second guess for even a moment if this is real forgiveness. He can feel it. 

The two of them are apologizing in tandem, words overlapping until they become a mess of choked out syllables, almost separate from sense and meaning.

James grasps Regulus with terrified hands, trying to hold him close like he’s worried if he lets go again Regulus will leave for good. Regulus presses himself into James, letting the fear and guilt seep out of his body through every press of skin against skin. 

James’ fists still clench at the fabric of Regulus’ shirt, white hot with around the knuckles slowly simmering rage. The burning flame of anger and fear is slowly blown out to a small flicker with every inhale of Regulus’ scent. Regulus, in turn, breathes James in like a drug, the high of James’ magic pulling him out of his zombified state. 

Things weren’t perfect, they wouldn’t ever be. James would never give up trying to fix everything, and Regulus couldn’t subject himself to the humiliation of letting him try, but when the next good days came, they would stand on their own two feet again, each of them still leaning on the other. 

That was weeks ago, and they’ve had good days and bad days come and go like tides. Today, however, was a good day. 

The week of Halloween, the smell of fall filled the air through the open kitchen window, the mid-day sun illuminating the table where Regulus sat with Remus, pouring over his resumes and cover letters over their lunch. 

“Mhm, what’s this one for?” Regulus asks through a mouthful of egg salad sandwich. He gestures to the cover letter he had just read. Out of all of Remus’ applications, this one is the most… simplified.

“Yeah, some Italian joint a few blocks down.” Remus says as he triple checks his grammar. 

“Did you seriously intern in a hospital?” Regulus gapes as he reviews Remus’ attached resume, which Remus has helpfully summarized as “customer service experience” to dumb it down.

Remus shrugs, like a summer internship in the psychiatric ward of a hospital in his second year is no big deal. “It sounded like fun. Nurses are a gossipy bunch, so it was entertaining.”

“And now you’re applying to… Gino’s Pizza ?” Regulus raises a disdainful eyebrow. 

Remus sighs. “Such is the burden of the English major…”

The two of them continue to exchange their edited pages back and forth as they finish their lunches. Eventually, a quiet whining mewl snaps them out of the depressing work of sorting through job applications. 

Minnie, the foster kitten that Regulus has been supporting, starts to wobble her way across the kitchen floor, Sirius shuffling into the room after her, holding Nymphadora on his hip. Little Nymphadora makes soft bubbling sounds as she makes grabby hands at the kitten underfoot. 

“How’s her leg?” Regulus asks Sirius, as he watches Minnie try to figure out how toddle along with the little blue cast encasing her back legs. 

“She’s getting on.” Sirius hums, pressing a kiss to Remus’ head as he passes him and makes his way towards the fridge. “Nymph loves her. Isn’t that right, darling?” he coos at her, blowing a raspberry into her cheek. She shrieks with delight, even as a trail of spit remains on her face. 

“Well, if she’s doing better I should probably bring her back to the shelter so she can find a real home.” He says, thoughtfully, as he scoops the little black and grey kitten up off the floor. She whines again and gives a little nip to the fat of Regulus’ palm, before kissing it better. She looks up at him with those soft, terrified eyes, and Regulus has a hard time imagining her being perfectly fine ever again. He wants to keep her here, in the palm of his hand, forever. 

“And how’s my favourite working man?” Sirius hums, planting a kiss in Remus’ hair, after having grabbed a bottle of milk for Nymphadora from the fridge, and a chocolate milk for himself. 

Remus’ smile scrunches up his whole face when Sirius drops into the seat beside him. The two of them squish together like they’re trying to squeeze themselves into one body.

“Not working yet, unfortunately.” Remus sighed. He straightens up a stack of papers, all tabbed with different coloured sticky notes. “Are you busy today?”

“Too busy for you?” Sirius asks, oblivious to the chocolate milk moustache sitting on his upper lip. “Never.” Regulus feigns holding back a retch as Remus smiles and leans in to kiss the milk off his lip. 

“Perfect, so you can drive me into town so I can drop off all these resumes, right?” Remus smiles, batting his eyelashes. Sirius, obviously, agrees without hesitation.

It’s a quick exchange, Sirius handing Nymphadora over to Regulus as Remus collects his papers. They call out a string of “goodbye”s and “goodluck”s as the two of them make their way out the door. When he’s alone, he lets out a sigh and steels himself to start the work day. 

He meanders over to the front desk and checks their bookings. Three people out today, four more in. He knows that Ted is out on site with the heating engineer to fix up the heaters in some of the older cabins before the winter really sets in. Andromeda heads over to the Weasley’s with Nymphadora for the afternoon, and she said she wouldn’t be back until she finished some errands out in town. 

Regulus is about to start wracking his brain about what James is up to today, when he spots a sticky note on the top of his laptop. 

Regulus,
Sorry, I know I said I could keep you company at the front desk after lunch, but Ted sent me out to the hardware store, says he needs my help fixing up the shed. I think he’s starting to like me! :D
I promise promise PROMISE we can do whatever you want for dinner to make up for it ;)
XO James

If he thumbs at the edge of the pink sticky note for the rest of the day until the colour starts to fade from the paper, that’s no one’s business but his own. 

He passes the day taking calls from guests, checking people in and out of their rooms, making notes for Kreacher about which rooms need cleaning up when he comes in for the day. James texts him periodically throughout the day, breaking up the monotony. Between his rant about the man who held up the coffee line because his oat milk “didn’t taste oat-y enough” and his rambling about how Lego sets are criminally expensive, James had sent Regulus a picture of a Frog and Toad plush set up in a toy shop window with the caption “US!<3”. Regulus couldn’t help it if he scrolled up every so often to see it again. 

At around half past three, he checks his emails and, sure enough, there's a new message from Pomfrey asking after Minnie’s wellbeing, and another with updated shift schedules, as well as a form asking who was available to come in on their “open house” day to get more traction for potential families. He uses half of his attention to respond to her, the other half preoccupied with responding to James’ texts. He doesn’t even realize the lazy smile that has become a permanent fixture on his face until it's wiped off his face when James bursts through the door at the one time of the day he was actually busy.

“Honey, I’m home!” he declares in a sing-song tune, much to the embarrassment of Regulus and shock of his guests currently trying to check in. “Oh- um, I mean, good afternoon!” he amends, gracefully. The guests have the decency to give him a strangled little chuckle, but it does little to relieve him as Regulus glares at him as he slips into the family room. 

“James!” Regulus calls out, as soon as the front door closes behind the guests. 

A floppy head of hair peeks out from behind the wall, all innocent eyes and pouty lips, even holding up the baby kitten for extra sympathy points. “Yes, my darling?” he says, with a coy cock of his head and the flutter of his eyelashes. 

Regulus fights the urge to smile, only narrowing his gaze, placing his hands firmly on his hips, conveying his annoyance. Or, trying to, at least. Before long, despite his best efforts, they’re both laughing and wrapping themselves up in each other again. Everything feels light and airy and ridiculous and Regulus and James laugh in harmonies. 

“So,” James purrs, swaying Regulus back and forth, the cat sandwiched between their shoulders, “dinner plans? Got any ideas?” 

Regulus is about to open his mouth when the doorbell rings. An unusual occurrence, to be sure, as guests usually just walk in when they see the “front desk” sign up on the door, and they aren’t expecting any deliveries or visitors. Regulus tells James to “hold that thought” as he meanders over to the door, but before he can check who it is, the door is bursting open with a flourish. 

“Regulus, sweetheart!” a light, airy voice calls out from the doorway. “Oh my god! It’s been too long! How are you?” Before Regulus can register any of that, he’s being swept up in a hurricane of long arms and hair beads and the scent of tuberose and orchid and marshmallows. 

“ Pandora? ” Regulus laughs, like he can’t believe she’s here at his house. Well, he can’t believe it really, because last time they spoke she was… “What the hell! I thought you were in New Zealand?” he balks in disbelief, as they separate enough for him to get a good look at her. 

Of course, she looks dazzling as ever; her striking white hair laces with elegant hair spirals and braid rings, her flowy, whimsical aesthetic flowing through her entire outfit like a waterfall, from her layers of ruffly mesh tops to her tule and patchwork skirt. Ever since they had met in middle school, when she had called Regulus over from across the room to site with her and Barty and Evan for lunch, Regulus always thought she felt like a daydream, and seeing her now after all these years, he feels just as overwhelmed with her contagious giddy-ness as he did when he was a child. 

“Well, New Zealand was lovely ,” she sighs, dreamily, “but even I am not immune to getting a little homesick after two years.” She clears her throat and gives Regulus a conspiratorial look. “Besides, the hostel I was staying at last turned into this really messy polycule situation,” she gesticulates with a flippant motion of her hands, as though she wants to wave away the whole experience. “So, when it was all called off like a week ago, everyone started going back to their own home countries. Figured we needed some space, and I sure as hell wasn’t gonna be the last one hanging around there!” she laughs. Then, with a change in topic that nearly gives Regulus whiplash. “Now who is this lovely young man standing in your living room with… A baby?! Regulus, you sly dog! Congratulations, and all, but god, you’d think you’d have manners enough to introduce me!” 

James takes it upon himself to scoop Nymphadora up and walk over to greet Pandora himself, noticing Regulus’ need to take a minute to fully compute all that information. “James Potter, pleasure to meet you.” he hums, extending a hand out for Pandora to shake and examine. “And this ,” he says, slipping into his baby voice, “Is miss Nymphadora Tonks .” He emphasizes the last name, holding out Nymphadora’s arm so she too can grasp Pandora's fingers for a handshake of her own.  

“Ah! That makes a lot of sense.” Pandora hums. “Yes, now that I get a good look at her, she doesn’t really look like either of you, does she?”

“Uh, sorry, Panda, did you just fly in?” Regulus asks, finally taking note of the huge purple and blue suitcases abandoned on his doorstep. 

“Yes!” She chirps, still pinching at Nymphadora’s cheeks. “Well, I’ve been flying for at least a day now, but I did just land, yes.”

“Does Evan know you’re back?” He asks. 

She scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Of course! He’s the one who gave me the idea to come over here!”

Regulus raises an eyebrow at that. He and Evan hadn’t seen each other since the morning Nymphadora was born. They called and texted periodically enough, sure, but what could he be telling Pandora about him?

“He said I should come out here and save you!” She elaborates, finally turning her attention from Nymphadora back to Regulus. She grabs both of his hands with her own and squeezes. “He says you need to go out!”

Regulus blinks. “I… go out.” he says, although he doesn’t sound entirely convinced himself. 

It’s Pandora’s turn to raise her eyebrow and she turns her gaze to James. “He ever take you out?” She asks, incredulously. 

James’ gaze shifts between Regulus and Pandora, awkwardly. “We, uh, w- we’ve been known to go out, occasionally!” He stammers. 

Not even slightly convinced, Pandora gives a solemn shake of her head and tuts at them. “Reginald, Reginald, Reginald..."

"Somehow worse than my given name."

"What will we do with you?” She sighs, stretching out a well manicured and thoroughly moisturized hand to pat at his cheek. “God, you'd think growing up with us at school and Sirius at home, some of the fun would start to rub off on you eventually, but here you are, cooped up at home with this delectable piece of arm candy when you could be showing him off to a club full of envious people!” She gives a soft laugh of disbelief, still shaking her head in disappointment. “Well, I suppose some things never change!”

Regulus jutts out his lip. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he huffs, arms crossed petulantly over his chest. 

Pandora giggles with another flippant gesture. “Oh, nothing, nothing Reggie! Just that your friends miss you! And what better reason to spend a night out than to celebrate your new degree, your new job, your new boyfriend…” she wiggles her eyebrows, as if this is all very enticing. 

“All old developments now, but alright.” Regulus chimes in, pointedly avoiding eye contact with James when Pandora calls them boyfriends. 

“Well then how ‘bout to celebrate my return then? See? Now it’s for me and you can’t say no!” she sing-songs. 

Regulus sighs and rolls his eyes, but really he had already decided to give in the minute she started using the puppy dog eyes on him.

“Any excuse for a dress up montage, I suppose.”

Chapter Text

The night is welcomed to the sound of the boosted base on Pandora’s portable speaker, currently blasting her playlist of reggaeton and electro funk hip hop. Regulus can still hear it through the wall that separates his room from the bathroom. When Pandora shoved him in here with a handful of “acceptable” clothes she pulled out of his closet and her own suitcase, he knew it was going to turn into a whole event. Out of all the combinations of clothes that were presented to him, this one made him feel the least like a clown or a fancy coat rack. Still Regulus blushes up to his ears as he looks himself over in the mirror. It’s hard to imagine that only five years ago he would be putting on outfits like this to go out every weekend. 

A knock comes at the door, pulling his attention away from his reflection. “Regulus!” Pandora calls out from behind the wood. “We’re waiting! C’mon, Barty and Evan are picking us up in ten!”

He mutters something that hopefully sounds like some sort of agreement. He listens to the sound of her heels clicking as she retreats to Regulus’ room. It doesn’t quell his anxiety, knowing that James is waiting in there, probably also having been dressed by Pandora himself. 

Despite the fact that James has seen him completely naked on multiple occasions, something about wearing an outfit that is purposefully revealing that feels particularly scandalous . 

James never had the misfortune of meeting the barely- adult, bar-hopping Regulus who spent the first years of school frequenting clubs that were much more… mature than the one they were going to tonight. A third year night out when he got lost and had a panic attack that lasted until the club lights turned on gave him a good enough reality check to cut that out. 

On the flip side, James has also had the misfortune of only having known Regulus for the years when he was either a bratty little kid, or a total stick in the mud, having completely missed out on his more promiscuous years. (“Fun Regulus,” Barty might call him, retrospectively.) Years when Regulus used to dress like this with unbridled confidence, always accessorized by his devil-may-care attitude. He notes his own mischievous smirk in the mirror as he realizes that he has yet to try out his “you know you want to buy my drink” look on James from across the dance floor. 

With a final breath to steady himself, Regulus slips out of the bathroom and marches himself straight into his room, the sound of the boosted bass on a dembow track syncing up with the erratic beating of his heart. 

He walks in on Pandora and James sitting across from each other on the bed, criss-cross. James’s gaze is focused on his left hand in his lap, where Pandora is swooping a splash of black polish along his nails. Regulus quickly takes note of the freshly pressed crimson button down (though the buttons may as well not be there, the way he’s wearing it), and the classy black dress pants. If his face wasn’t red before, it definitely is now. 

Regulus clears his throat. “How does it look?”

Two sets of eyes snap up to him at the same time. He looks everywhere but back at them as they examine the long sleeve mesh top that clings to his body, leaving almost as little to the imagination as James’ unbuttoned shirt. He nervously pats down the pleats of  his knee length skirt, scuffs his (affectionately dubbed) curb stomping boots along the floor. 

James is up on his feet in an instant, and crossing the room to meet Regulus in the next. Regulus watches him take in a deep breath once they’re close enough to each other to start feeling each other’s body heat. “You look…” James’ head is shaking back and forth, his jaw opening and closing to no conclusion. 

“Sexy!” Pandora says, helpfully. “You’re hot shit, Reggie!”

“That doesn’t even cover it.” James amends. He reaches a hand out to hold Regulus’ cheek. “You look gorgeous.” Regulus shivers, the words melting into his skin. 

There’s a sudden flash of light from Pandora’s digital camera startles them out of their dreamy daze. She gives them an unapologetic smile when they both turn to look at her. “I’ll develop you a copy.” she winks. 

A sharp whistling sound comes from behind them and Regulus nearly gives himself whiplash turning away from Pandora, only to see Remus and his brother smirking at the two of them, arms crossed over their chests like they know something Regulus doesn’t. 

“My, my! Don’t we look dolled up tonight?” Sirius purrs, stalking towards the two of them, eyes trained on them like a predatory cat. “Special occasion? Hot date? Actually, don’t answer that. Don’t wanna think about it.” he amends, shaking the thought out of his head. He pinches the fabric of Regulus’ shirt. “Is this mine?”

“We’re off to Honeydukes, if you want to join us.” Pandora offers, popping her freshly painted lips. 

Sirius glances over his shoulder at Remus. “God, we haven’t gone clubbing in forever.”

Remus huffs a little laugh. “That’s because when you’re closer to thirty than you are to twenty, it starts to lose its appeal.”

Sirius makes an appalled face at that. “Oh god, we have to go now!” He declares, already stomping off towards his own room, presumably to find something to wear. “C’mon, Moons! One last club before we leave twenty-five behind!”

“I’ve already left twenty-five behind, Sirius.” Remus sighs, but follows him anyway. 

James takes that moment to pipe in, his arms slowly snaking around Regulus’ waist. “That’s just ‘cuz you’ve been thirty since you were twelve!” he calls after them, smiling into Regulus’ hair. 

A muffled “fuck off” is called out from behind the door to Sirius’ room. James laughs into Regulus’ neck. 

A honk from just outside Regulus’ window startles each of them. “Looks like our ride is here!” Pandora chirps. “You boys better clean up quickly if you’re tagging along.” She calls over her shoulder to Remus and Sirius as she saunters down the stairs, leaving James and Regulus alone in the quiet of the bedroom. 

Regulus reaches up to hook his hand around James’ wrist where he’s still caressing his cheek. Regulus turns his head and presses a kiss into James’ palm before slotting their hands together and dropping them to their sides. 

“I promise my friends aren’t that scary.” Regulus whispers into the space between them. James’ head snaps up, eyes wide, like he didn’t realize Regulus was talking. Regulus quirks an eyebrow, but otherwise tries to keep his face neutral. 

“Sorry, what?” James laughs, softly, shaking his head.

Regulus tilts his head, watching the way James’ curls fall over the soft angles of his face fondly. “I’m just saying,” he hums, stepping closer, into James' space, “I won’t let them give you the third degree or whatever. Barty’s definitely going to be an arse about this but, it’s fine…”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” James nods, squeezing Regulus’ hand assuringly. His smile regains its usual brilliance. “I’m sure if they’re anything like you I’ll love them.”

Regulus snorts, pulling James towards the stairs. “Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves now. They’re not all that.”

James smirks at him. “Someone jealous?”

With another playful roll of his eyes and huff of laughter. “I just think you’ll be eating your words, James Potter.” he smiles back as they walk towards the front door, the lights of Barty’s truck shining in through the windows. 

“Wnna put some money where your mouth is, Black?” James says, his chin held high with snobbish confidence. He extends a hand for Regulus to shake, which he takes with a fond shake of his head. Regulus sighs, slipping his shoes on and slipping out into the night, all his anxieties crushed between his and James’ clasped palms. 

- - - - -

“So, Jake , was it? What are -hic- your intentions with our darling Reggie?” Barty hiccups, as he slips into the booth. This is what Regulus gets, he supposes, for trying to distract his friends with shots instead of getting the interrogation out of the way first. 

Evan and Barty had been easily swayed at first. It had been months since they’d properly gone out together, so dragging them out to the dance floor with the promise of cheap booze on him gave Regulus the upper hand… for the first hour. By the time Sirius and Remus had wandered off on their own and Pandora was swept away in someone’s arms, he and James were left at the mercy of Barty and Evan’s questioning.

James only smiles, even as Evan and Barty get up in his face to grill him. Regulus, however, doesn’t miss the uncharacteristic nervous shaking of his leg. Regulus shoves the two of them back, forcing them back over to their side of the booth. Pandora only laughs from her seat where she’s too busy staring lovingly into her third strawberry daiquiri of the night to care about stopping them. Regulus is –and he never thought he’d say this– relieved that his brother and Remus snuck off to suck face before they had to witness this embarrassing display.

“This is why you never met them before.” Regulus says to James, nursing at his drink as Barty and Evan boo him for ruining their fun. 

“Answer my question, Jonathan!” Barty demands, pouting like a petulant child. 

James only laughs good naturedly. “Well, you can both rest assured that I intend to be nothing less than a perfect gentleman.” he says, looking to Barty and Evan for approval. 

Dumb and Dumber narrow their gaze at James, then turn to look at each other in unison like two goons in an American 50s mobster movie. Then, turning back to face James, they wear matching scowls. 

“That’s so boring , Jackie!” Barty groans, leaning across the table, his previously pressed white button up wrinkling against the stickiness of the surface. Evan nods, smirking encouragingly. “Our Reggie needs someone a little… rough. ” he intones, and Regulus rolls his eyes at the put on gravel in his voice. 

“It’s the least he deserves.” Evan hums in agreement.

“I just don’t think you’re up to the task, John.” Barty asks. 

Evan nods, emphatically. “Shame. Really. I was rooting for you.”

Noticing the way James shrinks away from Barty who is all but crawling across the table, Regulus decides to step in and save him. With a final swipe of the tongue along the sugar rim of his glass, he hooks his arm into the crook of James’ elbow and makes his excuses to Barty and Evans to get them out of the booth and onto the dance floor. 

“And you know damn well that’s not his name.” He grumbles at them as he pushes his way off of the sticky leather of the booth. 

Ignoring the jibes they shout after the two of them, Regulus drags James towards a less populated corner of the room, far enough from grinding couples and the DJs speakers to be uncomfortable, but still technically part of the dance floor. Once they’re far enough away that he hears the audible breath of relief escape James, he pulls the older man's arms around his neck, slotting his hands over James’ hips, swaying them back and forth. 

“I told you, they’re ridiculous.” Regulus sighs, a lopsided smile splitting his face.

James only presses his lips together in a tight smile. In lieu of a response, he simply pulls himself closer to Regulus, slotting them together like puzzle pieces, Regulus’ forehead cradled against James’ cheek. 

“Yeah, but I see why you would like them.” James hums. Regulus could feel the vibration of his words where his face pressed against James’ neck. “They’re funny, and they care about you a lot. So that’s something I can appreciate.”

Regulus spins himself around in James’ arms, turning and hiding his blush from him. Looking out on the sea of bodies that pulsed and swayed over the dance floor. “I guess they're alright.” Regulus sighed, in lieu of telling James that they’re probably the only reason he survived most of his upper years, and his co

The heat of the room and the heat of the alcohol in his system and the heat of the club lights and the heat of James’ skin against his own makes Regulus feel like he’s at the center of a supernova, and when he looks into James’ eyes he can see the vast expanses of the universe. 

Regulus doesn’t know how long he spends staring and swaying with James until the man in question pulls them apart to look down at him with soft eyes and bite-reddened lips. With a soft touch, Regulus goes to pull James’ bottom lip out of his teeth, which startles the taller man into meeting his gaze again. 

“You okay?” Regulus calls over the thrumming of the music. “Should we go find the others?”

James shakes his head. “I think I need a water though.”

Regulus grabs his hand and walks towards the bar with him. Signaling to the bartender for two waters, they slide into two empty seats. The two of them sigh in union as they sit, and Regulus holds his head in his hands to get a better look at James, whose brow is starting to put a permanent dent in his head. Moreso, he can feel James’ leg shaking against his own chair. 

Before Regulus can say anything, however, James opens his mouth to speak first. 

“Hey, um, how long were we planning to stay here?” James asks, almost sheepishly. 

Regulus smiles. “What’s got you so eager to leave, I wonder…” he hums, his hand trailing down James’ chest, fingers finding the buckle of his belt. 

Blushing, James’ hands reach down to find Regulus’ wrists. He pulls his hand up, kisses their intertwined knuckles, starlight bursting against their skin. The feeling that fizzes under Regulus’ skin, a heady mix of alcohol and adrenaline and something soft and too subtle to put a name to yet, bubbles out in a burst of laughter. 

He pushes his tongue, purposefully, past James’ lips, as though trying to map out the shape of his mouth and commit its taste to memory. He feels the small whine that escapes James against his own lips and it spurs him on. He grabs a hold of James’ beautiful, soft curls, holding him impossibly close, he doesn’t think anyone two people in the world have ever been this close before. He feels surrounded by a shimmering warmth as he chases the high that comes with James’ hands roaming over his entire body. 

He laughs and leans into James, wanting to drown in the sensation. He tucks his face against James’ cheek and presses his open mouth to the soft flesh. It’s too slobbery and too full of teeth to be called a kiss, and he pulls away – leaving a wet trail of saliva sticking them together – when he feels James frowning against his own mouth. 

“Sorry,” James hums when he sees Regulus’ confused expression, “I think I just need some air?” Which he says like a question, but Regulus can hear the urgency in the pitch of his voice, see it in the wrinkle of his brow, and the two of them are sitting hip to hip on the curb before either of them can say anything else.

Regulus curls into James’ shoulder and counts all the cars and groups of people who pass across the street in front of them, tuning in to the sounds of tires tracking against moist pavement roads and the soft murmur of chatter as people drift in an out of the bar behind them and the handful of shops still open around them. He runs the pads of his finger along the edge of the curb to focus his mind, to stop him from asking James why his shoulders feel so tense against his own when James is so obviously not ready to talk about it. 

Regulus would not consider himself an anxious person – in fact, he constantly ensures that he has a multitude of plans and back up plans and lists of prioritization to ensure that he doesn’t have to worry over things ever . At work and in school, this made him a “well organized, diligent, and efficient worker”; to his peers, it made him neurotic; and in unpredictable, unplanned situations, it made him anxious. 

In that very moment, sitting on the slightly damp curb, Regulus gave himself fifteen seconds to think of the first thing he would say to James to try and make him feel better about… whatever he was feeling. Or maybe, he thought, just as quickly, it would be more helpful to ask what James is feeling instead of assuming. But if James wasn’t ready to talk, it might be better just to say something vague and not overwhelming, but still genuine…

“Reg,” James breathed, so softly that, for once, he sounded like the night air around them rather than the morning light. “I’m sorry I’m ruining the night…”

“You haven’t ruined anything.” Regulus insists, grateful for James’ prompting him easily enough into saying something that ticked off his mental checklist. The relief washes over him so quickly it makes him dizzy, which makes him remember the last twelve shots, tasting them in the back of his mouth. He lends further against James to steady himself. 

James shook his head. “You haven’t seen your friends in forever, they already think I’m trying to steal you away-”

“Don’t ever take anything Barty says personally… or seriously… Honestly, I find it best practice not to listen to him at all in most cases.”

James breaths a not-quite-laugh, which relaxes both of them visibly. James looks up into the starless night sky – Regulus looks up too and wonders what they’re looking for. 

“I have been selfish though.” James says, and Regulus can’t even get his mouth open before James goes on. “I have been trying to keep you, to keep this just the way it is…” Regulus’ heart sinks and he imagines the worst. The worst part of imagining the worst with James is that it’s so impossibly difficult because they’ve only had the best.

“I don’t know why this is so hard to say… I’ve been meaning to tell you, to tell everyone really…” This catches Regulus’ attention. 

All Regulus can think to do is reach out and find James’ hands. They slot their fingers together without looking once. 

“I’m here.” Regulus says. 

James squeezes his hand. “I love you.”

The world doesn’t stop spinning for more than a second – just the one second that it takes Regulus’ heart beat and breathing to catch back up with him. The one second is calm and weightless and James doesn’t give him a chance to dive back into his thoughts because he keeps talking. 

“Mum called today ‘cause they’re thinking of moving into their “retirement home”, some place they’ve apparently been looking at off the coast of Spain… They’re leaving me the house here, which is… I think it’s they’re way of saying it’s time to straighten out into adult-ness, maybe? I mean, I have the option to sell, I suppose, but that feels worse, somehow, like I’d be starting off with a mistake…” He lets out a deprecating laugh. “God it sounds even more immature when I’m saying it out loud.”

Regulus doesn’t have anything to say when James pauses, mostly because he thought James had more to say and was going to go on talking. He’s also a little preoccupied trying to still the spinning images in his mind as they flip between pictures of James in a big house for three people, with spare rooms for guests, on the outskirts of the city, drinking tea and looking out contentedly on a growing garden, or a freshly painted shed, or a simple night sky. And then there are more pictures, ones where James has poured two cups of tea, one of them waiting to be picked up. 

Regulus sways, shaking off the last of his tipsyness, and tunes back into the sound of James talking. 

“-feel like I just needed something to stay the same, but that was really unfair of me and I don’t want you to think I-”

“What I feel , James,” Regulus declares, with a burst of finality, “I feel like I am seeing light and sound and colour for the first time every time I look at you. I feel terrified of this, James, but it also makes me feel ridiculous in the best way! And I feel like… Like I’ve always hated fighting, with other people, with myself, so I avoided it… but this …”

Regulus wants to say something beautiful and articulate about how loving James is so easy, how the ease of it makes him want to fight for it, and fight hard, and fight with him, and for him, and beside him. But he doesn’t say any of it. 

He wasn’t lying when he said he hates to fight, and it isn’t until now, when the words to describe fighting have left him, that he realises the once growling and frothing and ragged and tired animal that claws restlessly at his chest when he yearns for and aches for and mourns for something he needs to fight for has finally found a soft, warm place to rest, just for now. There’s nothing to fight for here, he’s holding it right now, and he’ll hold it forever. 

Regulus looks up at James, still at a loss for words. James, thankfully, finds them for him as soon as he finds his gaze. 

“We’re not fighting about this… right?” James confirms, a playful smirk tugging at his mouth. “Unless I’m totally misreading this!”

“As much as I love to argue with you, we can get back in the ring tomorrow.” Regulus sighs. 

“Ugh, and when I just got out of a brutal, yet pointless, match against my own fear of change.” James teases. 

“Don’t worry, we’re in the same corner from here on out.” Regulus says, he says in place of three other words he’s still working on saying. For now, he blinks them up into a sky full of stars. He can hope the sun hears an echoing whisper of it by dawn.