Chapter Text
Exterior: Konoha, back hills, forest, morning.
Confronted by 6 Iwa Kunoichi, nude and unarmed except for hastily grabbed kunai, Naruto Uzumaki, age 6, held a two-pronged kunai in reverse-grip.
He wore a navy long-sleeved shirt, black pants, a small backpack, and sandals.
“I'm not impressed by how easily I was able to lure you into my trap,” deadpanned Uzumaki, “So, this is the part where you surrender.”
“What trap, brat?” demanded the Iwa squad leader.
In a flash, Naruto shot gold adamantine chains from his back, binding them whilst wooden pillars shot out of the ground.
Then the pillars grew tendrils and roots that wrapped around each prisoner's limbs, joints and waistlines whilst shifting into Y-frames, draining their chakra in the process.
Wood clones strictly and efficiently bound the prisoners further whilst placing movement restricting and chakra suppression seals on them, further preventing the prisoners' chances of escape.
Naruto cheekily grinned, “That one.”
“Let us go, brat!” growled one of the prisoners.
“Why would I let spies go free?” scoffed Naruto, “As pretty as you ladies are, letting you go right after capturing you would be counterproductive.
Ya know?”
The Iwa squad leader snapped, “Fuck you!”
“Sorry, Kunoichi-san, but I don't know where you've been.
Nor do I know who or what else has already been inside of you or any of your holes.” replied Uzumaki, making the prisoners blush bright red at the implication before he gagged them, took several photos of each prisoner, and searched them for any hidden weapons and seals.
As his prisoners glared, Naruto mentioned, “By the way, Anko-chan, Neko-chan, Wolf-chan, Tenzo-Niichan, Canary-chan, Raven-Niichan, Dove-chan, Owl-Niichan, Crow-Niichan, and Inu-Niichan, you can all come out now.
Coast is clear, and the spies have been subdued.” before his clones disappeared.
As Anko Mitarashi, age 15, accompanied by a handful of Anbu, stepped into the open with an amused grin, Naruto held out a large box full of dango, “Happy birthday, Anko-chan.
I got you some new toys to play with, and your favourite dango,”
“Awww, now here's a sweetheart who knows how to spoil me, and make me feel special.” mused Anko who met Naruto at eye level, smiled, kissed his cheeks and forehead, and hugged him closely, burying his face in the cleavage of her large breasts.
Looking up into her eyes with flushed cheeks, Naruto beamed, “I'll always spoil you and make you feel special, when I get the chance, because you're very precious to me, Anko-chan,”
Heartwarmed, Anko beamed, “And you're precious to me too, Naru-kun.”
The Iwa squad was increasingly unnerved by their captor and his choice of companions.
Arriving out of breath, Iruka sighed in relief, “Naruto, thank Kami that you're okay.
I got worried when you didn't come to class.
Shikamaru told me he saw you heading out here.
Did you know there were enemy shinobi sighted, or were you just skipping class?”
“Some civilian born classmates lied that they'd be my friends if I brought back a souvenir from yesterday's skirmish.
I didn't actually believe them.
Regardless, I decided to lure the scouts into a trap, capture them, and signal the Anbu by flaring up my chakra.
I’ve got Kage level reserves, so I’ll need to work on my chakra control way harder than everyone else.”
“As your Sensei, I'd like you to tell me if anyone tries to trick you like that again.
You could've been hurt, kidnapped or killed,”
“Why would Iwa kidnap me?
What am I worth to Iwa, when most of Konoha treats me like I'm worthless?” asked Naruto, sceptical, “why would Iwa want one of my kind in their village?”
“Your kind?” asked Anko as she met Uzumaki at eye level.
“Aren't I a demon, like the villagers claim while terrorising, torturing, abusing, and beating me as close to death as they can?” replied Naruto, making everyone including the prisoners flinch.
Kissing Naruto's forehead and cheeks, Anko wrapped her arms around him, “Fuck no, you're not a demon, devil or monster.
And don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
You're Naruto Uzumaki, and you're my favourite treasure.”
Giving Mitarashi a kiss on the cheek, Naruto hugged her with all his might, “I love you with all my heart, Anko-hime,”
With flushed cheeks, the snake mistress returned, “Awww, I love you too, Naru-kun.”
As Iruka turned towards him, Naruto asked, “Can my file say this was my first S-rank mission?
I literally just captured six Iwa spies, who are all Jonin, by myself.
And I expect full Anbu-level payment for this,”
“How about I treat you to some ramen?”
“How about I get properly paid for single-handedly capturing Iwa spies?
And how about people keep their hands off of my well deserved and earned money?”
“Excuse me?”
“A bowl of ramen won't pay my bills, ya know.
You know I'm overcharged basically everywhere I go, and I live alone.”
Finally noticing the prisoners’ state of undress, Iruka, Inu, Owl and Tenzo were sent rocketing back by massive nosebleeds.
“Why are they naked?” asked Wolf, amused.
“After eating all of their food without them noticing, I destroyed their clothes, sealed away their equipment and any items of value, and found them bathing.
Then I took some photos, and gave myself a little head start before leading them into a trap.”
“Cheeky Naru-chan.” giggled Dove.
“It was a little perverted to make them naked.” stated Canary.
“Erasing evidence of them being here is standard procedure.” replied Uzumaki, “and little more stands out more than a shinobi's uniform.”
“Point taken.”
“Naruto, please don't scare me like this again.” pleaded Iruka as he recovered.
“I can't make promises like that, ya know.” pointed out Uzumaki.
Later.
Interior: Konoha, Anbu HQ, Ibiki's office.
“I want to join Anbu,” declared Naruto, completely serious.
“Why do you want to join up?” asked Ibiki, almost spilling his coffee.
“The Anbu's been protecting me since I was a newborn, and saved my life so many times.
It's always looking out for me and watching over me, and it's the closest I have to a family.”
“Where would we even put you?”
“With the squad already under orders to protect me.
It'd save time tracking me down if I'm with them.
And one of the best ways to protect me is to raise me, and train me until I'm more than strong enough to protect myself.”
“I see your logic, and it's sound, for a Gaki,”
“I may be six years old, but I'm not innocent.
If I may recommend a codename for myself within the Anbu, I suggest Yami Kitsune,”
“I like it.”
“I'll be mutually loyal, respectful, supportive and trusting of those who are towards me without an ulterior motive.
I won't give blind loyalty, support, respect or trust.
If I did, I’d be dead by now,”
“Good to know you’re wise for your age,”
“Also, we wouldn't want the politicians interfering with Anbu affairs, so they can't find out.
Especially Danzo-teme, the war mongering paedophile.
I wouldn't let him anywhere near an asset like a Jinchuriki.
I'm a human being, not a machine, weapon, or tool.”
“Agreed.”
“As my new C.O, you should know that I've met and been speaking to the Kyuubi Vixen.
She says I can trust you because you were on my mother's Anbu squad, and you're one of my godfathers along with Jiraiya Sensei.” informed Uzumaki as he looked into Ibiki's eyes.
The scarred Anbu veteran nodded, “Does that mean you know your heritage?
Also, Kyuubi’s a she?”
“Yes to both, and keeping my heritage a secret is honestly hurting me more than revealing it would.
At least let people know I have godparents so I can have a legal guardian, for Kami's sake.
And keeping that I’m a real Uzumaki a secret is hindering my development as a ninja.”
“What are we discussing?” asked Hiruzen as he entered, accompanied by a teenage boy with short dark curled hair, fair skin and black eyes.
“The kid knows his heritage, and he wants to join Anbu,” answered Morino, “and he's making a reasonable case,”
“I'm open to becoming an interrogator too.” added Uzumaki.
“I saw it all through my crystal ball,” said Hiruzen, “This is a very serious matter to discuss.”
“Hi, Gramps. Hi, Shisui-Niichan,” greeted Naruto.
“Hey, Naruto.” greeted Shisui The Teleporter, “What's this I heard about you becoming an interrogator?”
“After all the things the villagers have done to me, I have plenty of ideas and inspiration for what I'd do to a prisoner under interrogation.
Especially if I’ll be interrogating and torturing members of the civilian council.
I know people say Anbu members need darkness, and I’m pretty sure being a Jinchuriki fills that requirement.”
A few days later.
Interior: Konoha, Anbu HQ, team Ro barracks, morning.
As he entered in an Anbu uniform, Uzumaki was greeted by warm and friendly smiles.
“Hello, Naruto,” greeted Neko, age 14, as she knelt down, and removed her mask, “I'm Yugao Uzuki,”
“You already know me, I'm Shisui,” added Shisui, holding a crow mask.
“I'm Hizashi Hyuga,” said Owl as he revealed long dark hair and pale eyes without pupils.
“Hi, Hizashi-Niisan,” said Naruto.
“You know you love me, the sexy Anko Mitarashi.” sweetly said Anko, “And I'm all yours when you're older, Naru-kun,”
“When I'm old enough, I want to have my first time with you, Anko-hime.” blurted Naruto, earning a blush from the snake mistress.
“You want to lose your virginity to me?”
“I trust you not to take advantage of me, or force me into it.
Kurenai-chan's welcome to join in if she wants to.”
“If you weren't so cute, innocent and adorable, I'd almost think you were the youngest pervert ever for suggesting a threesome between you, me and Nai-chan.”
“My point is I trust both and either of you, and Wolf-chan as well, to take care of me.
I know I'll be in good hands if my first time is with you.
And people call the activity making love, but also say things like ‘share the love,’ and ‘the more the merrier,’ too.”
Holding her sides, Anko erupted into laughter, “I call dibs on teaching you about sex when you're older,”
“I'm more of a physical, hands-on, and practical learner than a theoretical one.” mentioned Uzumaki, making the hysterically laughing Anko fall onto her fine ass, and the other Kunoichi in the room blushed and laughed.
“Tsume Inuzuka,” self-introduced a young, feral looking Kunoichi, age 21, holding a wolf mask with red markings.
“I'm classmates with your son and daughter,” said Uzumaki, “I can tell from their markings and their facial features,”
“Good eye, pup.” praised Tsume.
“I am Itachi Uchiha,” said Raven, who removed his mask.
Dove removed her mask, revealing fair skin, short brown hair, a purple stripe on each cheek, and hazel eyes, “I'm Rin Nohara.”
“I'm Izumi Uchiha,” self-introduced Canary as she removed her mask, revealing fair skin, onyx eyes, and shoulder length black hair.
“There’s three Uchiha on the squad?” thought Naruto, “Interesting.”
“Tenzo Yamato.” said a young man, age 23, with shoulder length brown hair.
“Kakashi Hatake.” self-introduced Inu who removed his Anbu mask, and, to everyone else's shock, pulled down his face mask revealing an overkill handsome face.
“Your left eye's covered, Kakashi-Niichan.
Does it need fixing?” asked Uzumaki.
“I had a transplant, but it was a rushed procedure in the field so I have to be careful when I use it,” explained Kakashi, “the transplanted eye has a Sharingan, but I can't turn it off,”
“I can fix that for you,” insisted Naruto, “If you'd like.” earning speechless expressions.
“As the official team medic, I'll approve the attempt,” mentioned Yugao, having complete faith in the kid.
Naruto placed a hand, glowing with golden chakra, over Kakashi's revealed left eye before the silver haired Jonin's stance relaxed, then he withdrew his hand, “It's done, but you should take some time to get used to it.
You'll still have your Sharingan, but now you can turn it off when it's not needed,”
“Thank you,” said Hatake as he looked in a hand mirror to see his facial scar was gone.
“You could try going without the face mask when you're not on a mission,”
“Maybe.”
“So, what code name have you received, Naruto?” asked Yugao.
“Yami Kitsune,” answered Naruto who donned an expressionless black fox-like hunter-nin mask with dark red eye outlines and whiskers, “what do you think?”
“You look so cute in your little uniform, but powerful and intimidating in your mask.”
“I thought a fox mask would be a token of respect, friendship with, and acknowledgement of Kara-chan.
Yeah, I've already met her, and she says mum wore a similar mask.”
“Kyuubi’s a girl? Sweet!” mused Anko, “That brings ‘hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned,’ to a whole new level.”
“Oh, you have no idea how right you are.” thought Kyuubi.
“That makes her more terrifying,” commented Tenzo.
“Naruto, you befriended the nine-tails?” wondered Yugao, amazed and concerned.
“Yes,” admitted Uzumaki, “Kara-chan also says that mum would be very proud of you, Rin-chan, Itachi, Tsume-chan and Kakashi like a parent would be proud of their children.
And that when he reaches the afterlife, she'll hit and yell at Kakashi for not letting her see that handsome face even once while she was alive.
For not adopting me after she raised him as her son following Sakumo-kun's death.
And for reading something called smut in public.” earning smiles and chuckles.
“When you're with us, you can turn off your appearance masking seal,” informed Kakashi.
Naruto's complexion became fairer, his hair transitioned from blonde to Uzumaki red, his whiskers became smaller, and his eyes turned purple with a ringed pattern, “So, how do I look?”
Itachi, Izumi, Hizashi and Shisui's eyes widened, “Rinnegan?”
“Yes.” confirmed Naruto who deactivated the dojutsu, revealing blue eyes.
“What should we teach you to start off with?” wondered Tsume.
“How about I show what I can already do, and we start from there?” suggested Uzumaki.
“Sounds good, pup,”
“We'll make you a master of weapons, sealing, and jutsu before you know it.” added Yugao.
“Can we all get a group photo together, with and without our uniforms?” asked Naruto, “I've never had family photos before,”
“Of course we can, sweetie.” answered Izumi.
Taking a photo together whilst cuddling, Naruto blushed as Anko kissed his cheek at the last second.
Later.
Interior: Konoha, Anbu, men's locker room, morning.
Entering, Yami Kitsune noticed everyone, not from his squad, had gone still like deer in headlights, “Hey, everyone, I'm Yami Kitsune.
But you can call me either part of the codename.”
“Do we have baby Anbu now?” asked Boar, confused.
“Depends if you're wearing a diaper under your uniform, Boar-chan.” teased Yami Kitsune, earning laughter.
“Damn, you're as troublesome and feisty as the last Anbu to wear that mask.” sighed Deer.
“I figured that out as soon as I recognised the mask, ya know.”
“She had that verbal tick too,” mused Lion, “Should we expect you to go on any missions soon?”
Kakashi interjected, “My newest protégé will be undergoing a considerable amount of intense training before we even consider it.
A year or two at least, since we have minimum age requirements on deployable operatives.”
“How formidable is he so far?” asked Ox.
“He's full of surprises.
You know those Iwa Jonin that were captured the other day?
That was his handiwork.
He also interrogated a couple of them personally.
With the rest already on his schedule.”
Deer turned to Yami Kitsune, “Should we be worried that you're already breaking prisoners?”
Yami Kitsune gave the scariest yet sweetest smile with his eyes closed, “Only if you're on the receiving end, ya know?”
“How old are you anyway?”
“Six, turning seven, and I have no obligation to justify my being here.”
“Troublesome, but we won't judge you.”
“Not being judged would be a first for me.”
“Fox-kun, you can relax.
There are no Foundation or Root agents here, or civilian council pets, little brother.” assured Inu/Kakashi.
“I know, Inu-Niichan.
I just don't trust new people easily.”
“Neither do I.”
Yami Kitsune turned to everyone, “I hope we can all be brothers.
Or as the Mandalorians say ‘Vode An,’.”
“Dolphin would like you,” said Deer.
“I agree, Iruka likes the more interesting people in the village.”
“Any bloodlines and chakra natures we should know about, so we can take them into account when working with you?” asked Dragon.
Yami Kitsune’s Rinnegan met Dragon’s gaze, “Ibiki has a briefing to answer that.”
“Good.”
Exterior: Konoha, Anbu HQ, training ground, morning.
Yami Kitsune drew a kunai, “I'm ready,”
“Okay, Yami Kitsune, hit the targets, but only one throw and one kunai.” instructed Anko.
As he threw the kunai, Yami Kitsune quickly did a hand sign before all 1000 targets were hit with a bullseye by the kunai and 999 kunai shadow clones, earning dropped jaws and sweatdrops, “What?”
“I didn't say you could use a jutsu to help you, or to go for all of them,”
“I was told to hit the targets with only one throw, and I did.
Was it meant to ricochet off of all of the targets, or was I meant to get up close and personal?”
“That was clever, sweetie,” praised Neko, “but where did you learn that jutsu?”
“I found it inside a scroll mounted like a trophy on a wall in the Hokage's mansion.
I figured it was where he kept his deluxe edition Icha Icha collection, and wanted to hold it for ransom.
Of course, I opened the scroll to check before doing anything else.
Since it was full of advanced jutsu instead, I figured I may as well read and learn from it before putting it back.”
“You learned techniques from the scroll of sealing?” asked Inu, impressed and surprised.
“Well, the Anbu squad hiding in the room didn't try to stop me,” shrugged Yami Kitsune, “It turned out the Hokage saw everything through his crystal ball.”
“You knew the guards were there?” asked Tenzo.
“Yeah, they need to sharpen their stealth skills.
They were so lazy they could've made the Nara clan look as hyperactive as Maito Gai.” answered Yami Kitsune, earning laughter.
“And why did you want to ransom the Hokage's Icha Icha collection?”
“Have you seen the apartment I was given after the orphanage threw me out?”
“Fair enough, and maybe we can do some wood style renovations and improvements.
And you can live in the barracks in the meantime.”
Yami Kitsune turned to Tsume/Wolf, “Tsume-chan, have you signed a summoning contract? I have.”
“You've done what?”
As he stood back from his teachers, and removed his mask, Naruto called, “Summoning Jutsu!” before a purple robed and pointy hooded human-like male with lightly tanned skin, and purple hair and eyes, wielding a long green staff, appeared.
“Greetings, I am Mahad: the Dark Magician, one of Naruto's summons.
None have signed the Duel Spirit summoning contract since Ashura Otsutsuki.”
As Mahad returned to his realm, Neko asked, “Since we're training Naruto, what should we do about his schooling?
He can't just drop out of the academy, and leave his friends behind.
That would make people suspicious, and he needs to spend time with the other kids,”
“I'll still go for the social experience.
Maybe I’ll play a prank on Iruka-Sensei so he thinks Kakashi's disguised as me,”
“Poor Iruka.” said Itachi.
“Hey, Itachi-Niichan, you know the Tsukuyomi?
I believe my Rinnegan can use it and other abilities of the mangekyo Sharingan,”
“Do I even want to know how you know about that?”
“Kara's been explaining the different abilities of each dojutsu in case someone with the Sharingan gets any ideas about trying to control her again.
She has plenty of colourful ways to describe and express how much she hates the Sharingan more than anything,”
“I'm sure she does, and they're likely all justified given her history with it.”
“She also says I should learn how to keep those filthy eyes from stealing the rewards of my hard work and training.
And the only members of the Uchiha clan she has any respect for are you, Shisui, Mikoto, and your girlfriend,”
“Izumi’s not my girlfriend,”
“Am I invited to the wedding?”
“You’re refreshingly cheeky,” mused Itachi, “You know I’m going to get you back for that comment?”
“What kind of little brother would I be if I didn’t tease you a little?” asked Naruto, “and can we go out for Ichiraku ramen?”
Itachi poked Naruto’s forehead, “Sorry, Naruto-kun, maybe some other time.” before internally laughing at the boy’s pout.
“I'll go with you, Naru,” said Anko as she brought Naruto into a hug, “We’ll make it a date, and it's cold tonight so we can share my bed to keep warm.”
Uzumaki nodded, “As you wish.”
“What’s your favourite jutsu?” Naruto asked as he looked at Shisui, “And can I learn it?”
“Let’s find out your elemental affinity first,”
“I have a multi-affinity with basically everything, all types of nature release, and I can do shadow clones and all of the elemental clones,”
“This is where the fun begins.” mused Tsume.
“Hey, Tsume-hime, are you a Sage too?” asked Naruto.
Tsume raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean ‘too,’?
Don't tell me you've learnt Sage mode? And at your age?”
As his eyes became wedjat-eyes and the Millennium symbol appeared on his forehead, Naruto informed, “I did, and I suspect my Rinnegan made achieving it easier.”
“Jiraiya would be so jealous that you've unlocked Sage mode at six years old.”
“I can tell this is something beyond normal Sage mode, but Kara-chan’s not saying why.
Maybe I have a special connection to nature which allows me to instinctively gather nature energy whether I'm consciously aware of it or not.”
“Show-off.”
As he met Shisui’s gaze, Naruto asked, “Shisui-Niisan, can you please promise never to use Kotoamatsukami on me?”
Shisui nodded, “I never have and never will use it on you.
It took a while to earn your trust, and I won’t break it.”
Interior: Konoha, Anbu HQ, T/I division, interrogation room, afternoon.
Entering the cold, dark room to see one of the prisoners he'd captured tied down to a rack, naked, in an X shape, Yami Kitsune was like a phantasm in his movements.
“Whoever you are, I won't talk.” said the prisoner, fear increasingly evident in her voice as she trembled upon feeling the intensity of her interrogator's ki.
In a deep, ominous voice, Yami Kitsune replied, “Talk? It is not my intention to make you talk…
I will make YOU scream.”
Interior: Konoha, Anbu HQ, T/I division, detention block, afternoon.
Through one-way glass, Anko watched the interrogation with a bowl of popcorn, “Damn, my Foxy-kun's putting on a good show.
I'm officially in love with him,”
“You're enjoying this too much,” sighed Neko.
“Here comes the climax!” eagerly anticipated Anko before they could swear they heard the shriek of a Nazgul, “That's the scariest orgasm sound I've ever heard!”
“You haven't heard mine.” chuckled Wolf.
Tenzo shifted uncomfortably, “I am too young to listen to this conversation.”
“Your minds are as dirty as Inu's book.” grumbled Ibiki, “He's torturing the prisoner, not fucking her.”
“They know, it's just Anko's sense of humour,” replied Owl, “Speaking of, I worry how my niece would be influenced if she was introduced to Anko too soon.”
“Doesn't she have a crush on Naruto?” asked Dove.
“Hiashi and Hera find it adorable.”
“Do they have any plans to have another child yet?” asked Tenzo.
“Not yet, but two of the suggested names for a girl are Kushina and Hanabi.”
“Kushina?” asked Wolf, smiling at the thought, “They really loved our Red Hot Habanero, didn't they?”
“We all loved and treasured Kushina-hime.” answered Hiruzen as he appeared, “Just as we love and treasure her mother, Tsunade-hime.”
Later.
Interior: Konoha, Shinobi district, Kurenai and Anko's apartment, living room, morning.
“Naru-kun, you actually said that about us?” giggled Kurenai, age 15, as she looked at the blushing Uzumaki who nodded.
“He sure did.” confirmed Tsume.
“And he had the cutest look on his adorable face when he did.” snickered Anko.
Amused, Kurenai planted a kiss upon Naruto's cheek, “You're a very cheeky yet innocent boy, and I love you for it.”
Hugging Yuhi, Naruto beamed, “I love you too, Nai-hime.
Always will no matter what happens.”
“Thank you, Naru-kun.”
“The only one of us he didn't bring up when he said it was me.” sighed Yugao.
“I'm sorry for neglecting you, and making you feel left out, Yugao-chan,” apologised Naruto who hugged the purple haired medic-nin.
Hiding a blush, Yugao kissed his forehead, “Don't worry, Naru-chan.
I forgive you, and will always love you, sweetie,”
“I love you too, Kitty-hime.”
Looking up at Anko with indomitable determination, Naruto vowed, “Hebi-hime, I promise I'll find a way to remove your curse mark.”
Mitarashi embraced Uzumaki, “Thank you.”
“I love you, Anko-chan.”
“Awww, I love you too, my Naru-kun.”
“Anko Mitarashi, will you marry me?” asked Uzumaki, completely innocently yet seriously, with an adorable expression.
“You're a bit too young for marriage right now, darling.
Can you please wait until you’re older?” gently asked Anko, “It’d mean a lot to me if you’ll be patient with me, so we can both take the time to sort out whether that’s what both of us really want,” then gave a precious smile.
“That was part of the plan, hime.”
“Let’s take, say, ten years to sort all of this out.
Plus, you’ll have developed and matured physically, intellectually, emotionally and mentally in that time.”
“Okay.”
Mitarashi mentioned, “When we’re sure that’s how we love each other, I'd happily marry you when the time's right,” earning a precious smile from the boy.
“As you wish, Anko-hime,” agreed Naruto, “I'll make sure to take you on lots of dates in the meantime, so we have plenty of time to work out our true feelings for each other,”
“Good plan, my darling Naruto-kun, and I'll be happy to share you with Nai-chan,”
“As long as that’s alright with Nai-hime too.
And I’ll do my best to do right by both of you.”
Kurenai smiled at how thoughtful the boy was being.
Checking the time, Yugao gave Naruto a storage scroll, in place of a backpack, “Have everything you need for the academy, sweetie?”
“Yes, Yugao-chan,”
“Good boy.” said Yugao, who smiled.
“I'll walk you to school when it's time to go, okay?” asked Anko.
“Okay… can I prank Iruka-Sensei?”
“As long as it’s a harmless one.”
Interior: Konoha, academy, classroom, late morning.
“Naruto, how nice of you to finally join us.
Where have you been for the last hour?” asked Iruka as Uzumaki entered, reading a book.
With a shrug as he kept reading, Naruto answered, “Sorry I'm late, Iruka-Sensei.
I'm afraid I got lost on the path of life,” making some of his peers laugh.
Iruka sweatdropped, “You're late because you've been hanging out with Kakashi?”
“I would've been on time, but along the way, we were ambushed and chased all over the village by this possibly insane workout fanatic who was shouting about his ‘flames of youth,’.” added Naruto.
Iruka went pale, “I believe you.”
“Stupid Naruto-baka! I bet you can't even read, you idiot!
Why does someone like you have a book?” screeched Sakura, making everyone cover their ears.
“Hmmm? You say something?” dismissed Uzumaki, ignoring the banshee, before taking a seat next to Shikamaru.
“Troublesome,” muttered Nara.
“Would you have me any other way?” chuckled Uzumaki.
“No, I wouldn't trade having your troublesome self around for anything in the world.
You're one of my best friends,”
“Thanks, Shika.
That really means a lot to me.”
“What are you reading?” asked Nara, taking an interest.
“The Tale of The Utterly Gutsy Shinobi by Jiraiya Sensei,” answered Naruto.
“Any good?”
“I think so, especially since I'm named after the main character.”
Shikamaru nodded.
“Oh, by the way…” said Naruto as he smirked at the trio of idiots who lied to him, “Here's your souvenir.” and held up a severed head, with a sickeningly sweet smile, sending them out screaming.
After a moment as everyone looked at him in horror, except for Kiba, Hana, Shino, Choji, Hinata & Shikamaru, Naruto did a hand sign, “Kai!” revealing a party sized bag of chips which he passed to Choji who smiled.
“Are you okay, Naruto?” asked Kiba, age 5, concerned, “You weren’t here the other day, and we all know you never get sick.”
“I was being chased by Iwa-nins in the back hills,”
“Why were they chasing you?”
“I ate all of their food,” answered Uzumaki, earning a high five from Choji, “I'm a growing boy, ya know?” before doing a discreet hand sign, and whispered under his breath, “Muting jutsu.”
“You're always thinking with your stomach, baka!” screeched Haruno, at the top of her lungs, almost making ears bleed, before completely losing her voice.
“Sound off.” quipped Naruto.
“Thank you for shutting her up, Naruto,” said Hana, age 5, gratefully, as she smiled at Uzumaki.
“My pleasure… Hana, right?”
“Yep, nice to meet you,”
“Nice to meet you too, Hana-chan.” mused Naruto, with a grin.
Mischievous, Hana asked, “Oh, am I Hana-chan already?”
Naruto ruffled the back of his hair, “Is it okay if I call you that?”
“You have no idea how to talk to girls our age, do you, Naruto-kun?”
“Talking to a short-tempered and impatient Kage surrounded by a tree’s worth of paperwork would be easier for me to master the art of.” admitted Naruto, making his peers chuckle.
Interior: Kumo, Raikage's tower, office, morning.
The mighty, intimidating powerhouse that was the 4th Raikage sneezed, blowing his desk and the accompanying stack of paperwork across the room.
“Achoo, achoo, do you need a tissue?” rapped Killer Bee as he entered the room, earning a glare from his brother.
Interior: Iwa, Tsuchikage’s tower, office, early afternoon.
Whilst taking a sip of tea, Onoki sneezed, causing the hot beverage to spill onto his paperwork and his lap, “Ahhhh!”
Interior: Konoha, academy, classroom, late morning.
“I've gotta learn the muting jutsu,” sighed Iruka, “And Sakura, you have detention for repeatedly screaming in my classroom, and abusing your peers,”
As the jutsu was released, giving her her voice back, Sakura sneered, “It’s only Naruto-baka, so it’s fine.
My mum says the Baka deserves it because he’s a freak.”
“You've gotta stop being so mean to Naruto.” interjected Ino.
“Sakura, consider yourself suspended for the next month!” snapped Iruka who gestured to the door, “Now, get out of my classroom.”
“My mum will hear about this, and make both of you pay!”
“This is the Shinobi Academy,” reminded Shino, “the civilian council has no authority here.”
As Sakura left, Iruka asked, “Alright, everyone, when I call your name, I want you to stand up, and tell me your goal for the future or what you want to be when you grow up.
Understood?”
“Yes, Sensei!” chorused the class.
“Shikamaru, you're first.”
“Troublesome.” muttered Shikamaru as he got to his feet, “When I grow up, I want to be a Jonin of Konoha, and have a family.”
“Ino, your turn.”
Ino stood, “When I grow up, I want to master my clan techniques, and be a medical-nin like Tsunade Senju.”
“Tenten, you’re next,”
Tenten stood, “I want to be a great Kunoichi and Kenjutsu master like Yugao Uzuki.
With skills that rival the Seven Shinobi Swordsmen of Kiri.”
“That’s a nice one.”
Yakumo stood, “When I want to grow up, I want to be a Master of Genjutsu like Kurenai Yuhi.”
“Rock Lee.”
The bushy-browed boy stood, “I want to prove I can be an excellent shinobi with only Taijutsu, like Maito Gai and Maito Dai.”
“Naruto, you're up.”
As he stood, Naruto simply said, “When I grow up, I want to be happy and loved.” earning concerned looks from his peers.
“Fair enough, but is that really all you want?” asked Iruka, hoping for something a little more cheerful.
“Was I supposed to say something like ‘I wanna be Hokage! Dattebayo!’?” asked Uzumaki, making people snicker, “Or maybe something a little more dramatic and intense like…”
Naruto spoke in a deep, chilling, stoic monotone, “I'm going to show the world what true pain is… and stop all wars with the terror that pain will inspire.” whilst a chill ran down everyone's spines.
Iruka paled, “You really worry me, sometimes, you know that?”
Writing in his notebook, Naruto shrugged, “My real goal’s to find a way to safely remove Orochimaru’s curse marks, so I can help someone I love.”
Later.
Exterior: Konoha, academy, rooftop, lunch time.
Sitting across from Shikamaru, Choji, Shino, Ino and Hinata, Naruto took out an ocarina, “Do you mind if I practise?”
“You're learning an instrument?” asked Hinata, “That's wonderful.”
Naruto soothingly played Concerning Hobbits, earning smiles and a round of applause when he finished.
“It seems you are a natural, and the tune was quite pleasant,” praised Shino, “My colony also expresses its appreciation.”
“What's your secret to having learnt so quickly?” asked Shikamaru.
“Shadow clones,” answered Uzumaki.
“Troublesome.”
“Legend says Tobirama Senju invented shadow clones to vanquish an evil so great and terrible that to this day it's remembered and feared throughout the elemental nations as… Kage's Bane.”
“What could be so terrifying that it earns a name like that?” asked Hana as she joined them.
After a dramatic pause, Naruto answered, “Paperwork.” making his companions erupt into laughter, except for Shino who smiled and allowed himself an amused chuckle.
Exterior: Konoha, academy, courtyard, early afternoon.
“First match will be Sasuke Uchiha vs Naruto Uzumaki,” said Iruka.
With a small smile, Naruto met his opponent's gaze, “Good luck, Sasuke,”
“You're the one who needs luck, Naruto.
You're fighting an Uchiha,”
“I'll be fine as long as your fangirls don't interfere,”
“I don't need them fighting my battles for me,”
“Tell that to them.”
After exchanging several series of combos without landing a strike on Uzumaki, Sasuke was hit in the gut before he leapt back, and did hand signs, “Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!”
“Water Style: Water Dragon Jutsu!” countered Naruto as the latter jutsu went through the former, and knocked Uchiha onto his back, leaving him soaking wet.
“You okay?” asked Naruto, offering his hand.
Getting up with a groan as he took Naruto’s hand, Sasuke replied, “Yeah, but my dad's going to be disappointed that I lost.”
“And how did it make you feel?”
“Like I need more training,” sighed Uchiha whose eyes widened, “Mum’s going to be furious that I used fire style at school.”
“Not as much as she’d be if you’d actually burnt the school down.” pointed out Naruto, causing Sasuke to pale.
“Okay, you two, do the sign of reconciliation and move to the side so the next match can begin,” said Iruka, and the two boys complied, “Also, we will only be using Taijutsu now.”
The class sighed, “Yes, Sensei!”
“Next match is Shikamaru vs Tenten.”
“Troublesome… fighting a girl,” groaned Shikamaru, “What a drag.”
“I heard that!” indignantly said Tenten.
“Uh-oh… can I forfeit?” asked Shikamaru, nervous.
Iruka shook his head, “Nope…”
“Crap.”