Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She was a cultured, farmed pearl, like every pearl in Homeworld. She was impure in color and not perfectly round. Pink Diamond had a pearl made specifically for her once. Pearl was just a hand-me-down. So she didn't understand when Pink Diamond chose her from White's collection of fancy cast-aways- almost perfect enough to be White's Pearl, but not quite- and then, didn't customize her. She could change the form of her body to be anything Pink wanted... But Pink chose to keep the default fancy setting.

After snooping around with Pink, she knew there were beautiful, natural pearls out there, and they were not servants. They were far too rare. They eluded everything and everyone, and it seemed to Pearl that the Diamonds feared them. She ached for their perfection, their rareness, and the way it came naturally to them.

Pink allowed her to talk when she wished, except around the other Diamonds. Pink enjoyed her company and always wanted to talk with her, and so Pearl would chat on and on about various things, hoping to make Pink happy.

But Pink was miserable, and nothing Pearl tried ever seemed to alleviate her sadness. Perhaps if she were a more pure pearl, or perhaps if Pink had given in and customized her to her liking, she would be able to make Pink happy.

So one day, in the privacy of Pink's room, she asked. "Why didn't you customize me?"

Pink's eyes went wide, then softened. She leaned forward and cupped Pearl's face in her hands. Warm. Soft. Electrifying. She smiled, the kind of smile Pearl lived for. "Because you're beautiful just the way you are."

And Pearl knew, right then and there, that she was in love.

---

Pearl was content to dote on Pink, hoping to impress her, to make her happy, and maybe to earn her affections- but no, Pearl pushed that away. Pink was the most important thing, wasn't she? It didn't matter what Pearl felt towards her. 

Not until they came to Earth. Suddenly, when they interacted with humans, Earth-made gems, the whole beautiful world, Pearl mattered. Pink made an effort to show her so. 

"Your feelings matter, Pearl," she'd say, and Pearl would begin to believe it. She began to get angry with those who treated her like they didn't. She was angry with the other Diamonds, with many of the Homeworld gems. And she was free to indulge in her feelings a little, surely? So she became more talkative, more passionate, more her. And Pink loved it. It made Pearl feel warm all over. 

Over many years on Earth, they watched humans. They learned their customs, learned of their mortality, and learned how precious everything on Earth was. How much love there was.

They watched humans court each other. They would bring gifts like flowers or jewelry to confess. They would lock lips to show affection. It looked so wonderful, and Pearl began to imagine kissing Pink's soft lips, being her everything, meaning the world to her. 

And so, after many years on Earth, Pearl tried to confess. 

Pink had permanently taken on the Rose Quartz persona, beautiful as ever. Fittingly, Pearl had prepared roses for her. Roses, humans said, were the flower symbolizing love. 

Pearls weren't supposed to confess their undying love for their Diamonds. Pearls weren't supposed to be anything more than humble, loyal servants. But pearls also weren't supposed to abandon Homeworld and join a massive rebellion. 

And so Pearl went to find Rose, with the roses behind her back. She went straight to her and Rose's spot on a grassy hill underneath a flowering tree, looking out over all the beauty of Earth. But when she crested the hill, she dropped her flowers. 

Rose had brought some human man to their spot. And she was kissing him. 

Pearl ran. She ran until she collapsed, sobbing, onto the grass. She thought that hill was her and Rose's special spot. She thought... 

It was like her gem was not only being shattered, but ripped apart, slowly, deliberately. She cried into her hands until she couldn't cry anymore. And then she picked herself up. 

He's just a novelty. A human. She'll lose interest sooner or later. 

And she did. And that's the thought Pearl maintained to keep her heart from breaking, over and over as more men would come into Rose's life. Pearl waited for the perfect moment to confess, and finally be special to Rose again, or perhaps for the first time.

In the mean time, Pearl strived to impress Rose, to make the men jealous, to pull Rose back to her. Eventually, Rose would get over this novelty of humans. She just knew it. 

Except she didn't. She met Greg, and Pearl was certain he was just another phase, until Rose told her the news that shattered her internally. 

"I'm giving up my form to make... A human." Her smile was bigger than Pearl had ever seen it.

Rose didn't tell any of them until it was too late. Pearl wanted to scream. What happened to her feelings mattering? Rose was once again, doing what she wanted. And Greg... It was like he really, officially took her away. At first she despised him. But eventually she realized they shared the same pain. 

Pearl didn't know who she was without Rose. Rose was the one who showed her she could be someone. So who was that someone now that Rose was gone?

"You're beautiful just the way you are."

"Your feelings matter, Pearl."

"Let's run away together, Pearl!"

Rose's voice was constantly in her head. 

"Don't tell anyone."

"I'm giving up my form."

Her life. She was giving up her life. 

"Talk to me, Pearl."

"Isn't the Earth so beautiful?"

"I

Love

Him."

"To make a human."

Pearl could never make her smile like that.

Chapter Text

"I need you to make sure no one sees what happens. I don't know if my full gem will appear." 

Pearl felt her stomach lurch. It must be nearly time for this human to take form, and for Rose to... Disappear. 

Rose must have seen how nauseous Pearl looked, because she reached out and took the smaller gem's hands in her own. "I don't know how this is all going to happen either. I know that my physical form will be gone... But I will still be there, with Steven. I'll always be here."

Pearl didn't know how she could be so sure, but she believed in Rose more than anything, so she just meekly nodded. Rose smiled that beautiful, perfect smile, and Pearl's nausea was replaced with butterflies. She realized this might be the last time Rose would make her feel them. 

---

Pearl was guarding the door to the room where Rose was lying on a bed, her physical form moments away from beginning to dissipate. She paced back and forth, wringing her hands, wishing she could be in there with Rose. But she had to make sure no one, not even Greg, saw it happen. Just in case. 

She heard a whimper of pain. She wanted to burst through the door, to run to Rose's side, to hold her as she disappeared, but she physically couldn't. Rose had given her an order. She slapped a hand over her mouth as she felt a lump rise in her throat. She wanted to wail. She wanted to cry. Tears burned her eyes, threatening to fall. But she didn't want Rose to hear her in despair when this was supposed to be such a happy time for her... Steven was her ultimate wish, her pride and joy.

Pearl stopped pacing and slumped against the door, breathing heavily as she tried to suppress her cries. It felt like hours, sitting there, crying into her hand with her chest burning. Then, a soft cry broke out from behind the door.

Pearl picked herself up, but didn't get a chance to open the door before Greg burst in, panting and covered in sweat. "Is she here? Did the baby come? Is she... Is she gone? Did I miss it?!"

Pearl almost felt bad for him. They had purposely set things up so that Greg would be late and wouldn't be able to see Rose disappear, for fear he would find her secret, and Pearl guarding the door was a failsafe. But then, at the sight of Greg's face, a surge of anger crashed into her, replacing the burning desire to cry with the need to scream out to Greg what she really thought. 

Her mind seemed to overload with desperation and anger and despair, and suddenly she was yelling. "YOU! This is ALL YOUR FAULT! If- If you'd never come along, ROSE NEVER WOULD HAVE DONE THIS!!"

Pearl knew it wasn't true. Rose would have found a reason. She always did. But Pearl wanted to believe it. She wanted to believe that without Greg, Rose would want to stay with her always. 

She saw Greg's face fall, but she could hardly process it. Instead, she pushed past him and ran out the door. She didn't want to see this new being that, just by existing, had ripped her life apart at the seams. 

---

It was a long time before Pearl saw Greg again. She didn't want to, but Garnet insisted they should go greet the baby and bring gifts. 

Pearl was noticeably dejected the whole time. She almost took pride in it. She wanted everyone to know that she was Rose's closest confidant, and that she was the most devastated of anyone. Even more so than Greg. It would prove to her, in her mind, that she and Rose really were closer than Greg and Rose ever were. Of course, it was all just desperation. 

And then baby Steven’s gem started glowing. Everyone gasped in surprise; even Greg hadn’t seen Steven do that before, and he was panicked. “What’s happening to him?!”

Garnet’s mouth was agape. “It’s… Rose !”

Pearl felt her heart jump up into her throat. Really? Could it really be Rose? “Is that possible?” she asked hesitantly.

Greg nearly interrupted her. “Is he gonna turn into a laser?!” Pearl rolled her eyes.

“Relax, y’all, I got it all figured out.” Amethyst’s voice was calm, and everyone turned to her expectantly. “Rose is trying to shapeshift back to her old self!”

“What?!” Greg squawked.

Pearl considered for a moment. “She can’t shapeshift, because she’s trapped in a baby!”

“Trapped in a baby?!” 

Pearl was starting to get very tired of Greg’s panicked interjections. Ignoring him, she leaned toward Steven and crouched down on his level. “Rose? Rose, it’s me, it’s Pearl. Are you in there? Glow twice for yes.”

Baby Steven giggled and reached up and grabbed Pearl’s nose.

Pearl huffed. “Baby, please. I’m trying to talk to Rose.”

Garnet’s voice sounded from behind them. “Rose hasn’t shapeshifted, and she isn’t trapped. Steven is a fusion. Rose could be trying to unfuse.”

Greg held his head in his hands, pacing now. “Whatever Steven is, something’s happening, and I- What can I do to help?”

Pearl groaned. “Well, what do you do with a human baby when it glows?”

“First off, human babies don’t glow. And letter number B… What if they do?!” Greg took a breath. “Okay. Vidalia has some books on babies I’ve been reading. They’ll help us figure something out.” Greg rushed into the kitchen and disappeared.

Pearl looked to Garnet, and then to the baby. Amethyst shrugged.

Garnet broke the silence. “It’s obvious Greg can’t handle this. Steven is a Gem. We should take him.”
And so they scooped up the baby and piled into Greg’s van. Pearl started it up and drove off hastily.

In the back of the van, Amethyst made her way over to the baby, who was safely cuddled up in Garnet’s arm. “All right, Rose. We saw that glow. So why are you still a baby? Is it... really fun or something?” Her gem activated and she turned to white light before reappearing in the form of a baby version of herself. “Garnet. Hold me.”

Deadpan, Garnet scooped baby Amethyst up into her other arm. Amethyst smirked. “All right, I get it. This rules. But it's been so long, like months!” She jumped out of Garnet’s hold and returned to her usual form. “That’s longer than I was a toilet!”

In the front, Pearl shuddered at the memory.

“C’mon, Rose! You have to change back!” Amethyst began shifting back and forth from baby form to normal, prompting Steven to giggle. “Baby, normal! Baby, normal! Baby-” She slumped in defeat. “Hmm, it’s so easy! Why can’t she do it?”

Garnet piped up. “Because it’s not shapeshifting, it’s fusion.” She smiled down at Steven. “Steven, I understand Greg is part of you and you don't want to unfuse in front of him. That would be very rude. But he's not here now. It's just us! You can take a little break. Here, I will too!” She handed Steven off to Amethyst and, with a bright flash of light, unfused to reveal Ruby and Sapphire standing side by side, big, expectant grins on their faces.

Steven’s eyes widened with fright and confusion and he let out a wail. Ruby and Sapphire’s faces fell into concern, and they looked to each other and quickly fused back. “I'm here! You know me! You know them, too.” Garnet slumped, eyes downcast. “I don’t understand!”

Pearl sighed and pulled over to the side of the road, turning the van off before slipping into the back with the others. “Everyone calm down.” That was mostly to herself. She scooped baby Steven up into her arms. “Look. We can all see her. She’s right there!” Pearl hoped she sounded more convincing than she felt. “She just can’t reform because… she has this… baby around her.” She looked down at Steven and offered him a weak smile. “Rose, I know you’re in there. I can let you out. We can be… together… again.”

With a shaking hand, Pearl reached out towards Stevens' gem, fingers gracefully poised to pull it out. They ghosted Steven’s gem. She swallowed a lump in her throat. If she could just pull it out, she could have Rose again. If she could just destroy the thing that Rose wanted more than anything, her pride and joy, then they could both have their lives back. Tears brimmed her eyes, and she closed them, her fingers closing around the gem-

Steven giggled. Pearl jerked her hand back, startled. Was she really about to…? Was she going to take away everything Rose ever wanted, just now? If Steven hadn’t giggled, would she have done it?

“I can’t.” She clasped a hand over her face as tears began to fall. “I can’t! She wanted this so much. I just... don't... understand... why! ‘Everything should grow, and everything should change, and isn't it so great how it comes so naturally to humans?’ Well, it's not natural for us! It's not natural... for me.” 

“It will be, for him,” Garnet said softly.

A heavy silence filled the van. Pearl sobbed quietly, still holding Steven in her arms, knowing now that she would truly never see Rose again. When she finally opened her eyes and looked down at him again, she saw his big smile, his sparkling eyes, filled with innocence, just like his mother’s. His small body was cuddled up against her, radiating warmth. A wave of bittersweet emotion joined her sorrow, making everything seem to weigh just a little bit less. And she vowed to herself, right then and there, that she would protect this… being that Rose had wanted more than anything… with her life.

Amethyst broke the silence. “...What about Rose?”

Garnet put it into words. “This isn’t about Rose. From now on, everything has to be about Steven.”