Archive of Our Own ^beta

BAZ

I’m finally getting Dev to watch something other than that demon-hunting thing he goes on about. I did get him to agree by admitting that this show also contains demons, but when he realised it had subtitles that he’d have to read, he nearly backed out.

He’s keeping up a running commentary, which would be annoying if I hadn’t already watched it three times.

“Why don’t they like him? He seems like a complete cinnamon roll.”

“Ha! These two fight like an old married couple.”

“Well this guy’s an absolute arsehole - why doesn’t anyone… YESSSSSSSSSS! Get him cinnamon!”

Then I have to pause it while he giggles uncontrollably over “General Dick”

“These two really are dumb. They fancy each other right?”

“Dude, don’t apologise for wearing a dress.”

He perks up when they start killing wolves and zombies. Then he gets really quiet when the butterfly shows up again. When Xie Lian arrives at the temple, I hear him talking softly.

“Baz?”

I pause it again. Something in his voice tells me this is important. I turn to face him, and see that he’s fiddling with the cord of his hoodie. I wait.

“I… I don’t think I’m straight.”

I’m not outright shocked, but I’m also surprised that he’s telling me. We don’t generally talk about… well, personal things, really.

“How long have you been thinking it over?” I ask as neutrally as I can.

He takes a deep breath, and then responds, “I think that when you came out last year I started wondering. I just didn’t think to question stuff like that before, at least not about myself. I think girls are hot, so why would I be anything other than straight?”

He looks up, but stares past me at the wall.

“Then I began to feel… something. More than just a physical thing. For a boy. It was…”

Confounding. Alarming. Unwanted. Inconvenient.

Magical.

I could use any of these words, and a handful more, to describe how I felt when I realised how I felt about Simon. I wait to see if Dev has had a similar experience.

“...fucking weird.”

I can’t help it. I snort a laugh, and he looks at me, offended.

“I’m so sorry Dev. I couldn’t help thinking about how I felt when I realised I had a crush on a boy, and your response was just very different. And very you.”

He gives a wry smile, which turns mischievous. “It’s Snow, isn’t it?”

It’s not possible for me to turn paler than I already am, but I’m sure my face is doing something to transmit my terror. His voice is uncharacteristically gentle.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. I know you think I’m oblivious, but it’s fairly obvious to me.”

“Incredibly inconvenient is what it is,” I respond.

“Because of the war? Or because he’s your roommate?”

“Both, obviously. Though the war is infinitely more problematic.”

He looks thoughtful. “Yeah, that is an issue. Although fancying your roommate is…”

I turn to look at him. He’s actually blushing. Dev does not blush.

“Oh Crowley. It’s Niall.”

He hides his face in his hands and all I can hear is a muffled, “mmhmm.”

I think of all their recent interactions. In class, in the dining hall, at football practice. I wonder that I didn’t see it before now. Except… except maybe I didn’t notice it, because they behave similarly towards each other. Which means that Dev might have a happier ending in his future than I do.

“I won’t say anything. You’ve extended me that courtesy, and I’d be an arsehole if I didn’t do the same.”

He pulls his hands away from his face, and I can see that they’re shaking slightly. I remember how terrified I felt when I came out to Dev and Niall. Afraid they wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore. Even though Dev must have known I’d be ok with it, it would still have been nerve-wracking.

“So can I count on you coming with me to this year’s pride parade?” I’m half joking, but it would be great to have someone else who actually wants to go.

He gives me a doubtful look, and says “let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

“Thank you. For trusting me. I know I’m a bit closed off…”

“Baz. Please. Don’t go all emo on me. Let’s just watch cinnamon roll deal with these village idiots.”

“Oh he gets to deal with a lot more than that. And his name is Xie Lian, not cinnamon roll, for Crowley’s sake.”

“Yeah I can’t pronounce that. Please just tell me the hottie with the butterflies comes back.”

I just laugh as he shoves a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

“I told you you’d enjoy this.”