Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Please don’t hurt me.” She begged, her brown hair falling in front of her face. The grip on her wrists prevented her from brushing the hair away from her eyes. He could kill her right now and she wouldn’t see it coming.

“I won’t..” Spencer replied, his voice in low tones. “I would never hurt you, Maeve.” He lets go of one of her wrists briefly to tuck her hair behind her ear, a smile resting on his face. “I’m just trying to keep you safe from your stalker.” Tears began to drip down Spencer’s face, his eyes squinting almost as if to force himself to cry. “I’m just trying to keep you safe.”

She turns her head away from him, pulls her hands towards herself in an attempt to force him to let go. Spencer lets go of her wrist again, using his right hand to grip her cheek hard. He pulls her head towards him, she moves her glance away from him and he scoffs. He tightens his grip and hears her gasp in pain. “I’m trying to fucking help you and you can’t even look at me.”

“I’m sorry.. I’m sorry.” She breathes out, her voice wavering. She starts to try to back away from him, slowly, hesitantly. He pulls her close to him, “Let’s just dance, baby.” He grips one of her hands, soft and firm. “Just dance with me.”
—
Spencer sat at his desk, his hands fidgeting with a fidget cube. He dropped the cube at the sound of familiar footsteps. He pulled his already down sleeves downward.
“Another girl has been taken.” He heard JJ say nearby. He forced himself not to turn his head. He picked up his fidget cube moving his nimble fingers as he listened.

“How long has she been missing?” He heard Hotch reply.

“A week.” JJ replies and Spencer wants to correct her but he can’t, so he just moves his fingers faster. “If he sticks to pattern..” JJ starts and Hotch continues, “She’ll be found dead next week. Gather everyone in the conference room.”

Spencer watched as JJ walked past him, he couldn’t help himself but blurt out, “New case?”

“Yeah, don’t make any weekend plans, Spence.”

“I wasn’t planning on doing anything too big.” Spencer replied, “Just watching some movies with someone.”

“A girlfriend?” Derek asked, “Reid’s got a girlfriend!” He drawled out.

“I don’t.”

Derek laughed, the kind of laugh that sounded forced. “Whatever you say, pretty boy.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend, alright.” Spencer retorted, grabbing his fidget cube and walking towards the round-table room.
—
Spencer was zoning out, he knew he was. It wasn’t on purpose but he had no means of stopping it, his eyes subconsciously drifted to his covered arm. He traced his fingers over where his injury was, he heard screams echoing inside his mind. He saw the life drain from her eyes again. He winced loudly, that’s when he finally realized he was digging his nails into the wound. He felt the eyes on him instantly, he didn’t lift his head to meet their gaze. Not yet at least.

“Reid?” He heard Hotch say, he lifted his head up at the sound. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He replied, making eye contact with his other team members, “Sorry.”

Hotch nodded, continuing his explanation of the case they were. The eyes on Spencer didn’t stop, you could almost hear the wheels in their heads turning. Spencer bit his lip to hide his smirk. “The man we are looking for is of high intelligence, he’s cunning and appears to be in the midst of a psychological break.” Spencer bit his lip harder, the screams in his ears grew louder as Hotch continued. “The women he takes all fit the same physical type, they’re all the same weight, the same height, they all have brown hair and blue eyes.”

“He seems to be reenacting the death of a woman in his life.” Spencer’s smirk dropped at that and he saw her again. He heard the gunshot, his ears rang. “Possibly a girlfriend or a mother.” Hotch continued, “He strikes once a year. We only have a small window of time to find him. He could kill her at any time within the next week.” Spencer’s hands flew over his ears. He winced as the gunshots continued, as he heard the sounds of his own yelling, his own crying. He stepped out of the room quickly, dropping down on the floor. He watched his tears hit the floor.

Chapter Text

The first thing Spencer heard once his vision had cleared and the gunshots repeating in his ears had disappeared was a soft woman’s voice. “Spence, are you alright?” JJ asked again, Spencer supposed, given that her face had contorted into concern at his lack of response. He inhaled sharply as he grabbed onto her with his injured arm to lift himself up. “Yes, I’m fine.” Spencer stated through his gritted teeth. “I’m fine.” He repeated as he released his grip. “Are you sure?” She asked as their eyes met. She was looking at him in a way similar to how a mother looks at their child. He almost felt bad for lying to her, the keyword there being almost. Spencer wasn’t sure he felt much of anything lately.

“Yes, JJ. I’m fine. I just..” He started, “My migraines are back.” He wiped the tears dripping down off his cheeks, glancing at JJ to see if she even noticed he was crying.

“Oh no.” JJ replied and he nodded.

“Let’s just..” He sighed as he turned to walk back into the room “Let’s just get back to the case.”

---

Spencer took a deep breath before walking back into the room, his eyes stayed glued to the floor. “My headaches are back, sorry.”
“Are you alright?” Someone asks, Spencer can’t really tell who through the gunshots beginning to once against echo in his mind.
“Reid, if you physically can’t work the case." Hotch starts, eyes dropping to study the man in front of him, to profile him. Spencer knew he looked like a mess, there's no way he didn't with how hard he was previously sobbing. "Don’t force yourself to work.”

“I can work on this case, I’m fine.”
“We can do the case without you, Reid." Hotch tried again to reason with him, to allow him to take a break if he needed to.

“I can work the case.” Spencer practically yelled, startling himself. He sighed as he walked back to his seat.

---

"As I was saying, the man we are dealing with only strikes once a year to replicate the death of a woman closest to him," Hotch repeated as Spencer finally lifted his head.

A soft click was heard as the image on the projector changed and there was that girl again. Spencer knew her, he was with her mere minutes ago. He knows her.

"This is twenty-year-old Briana Oaklynn, she disappeared less than a week ago right here in Virginia." Garcia starts as Spencer begins to bite his lip in an attempt to hide the smirk beginning to take shape on his face. "She fits the physical profile of his victims."

"We have until next week to find her location," Hotch stated.

---

Spencer was hardly listening as they began to discuss theories. Usually by now, he would've said some fact no one cared to listen to, some statistic but instead his mind was racing as he realized just how fucked he probably is. He knew the police were after him, they had to be, he was consistent down to a T. He followed a timeline but now his friends, his teammates, and people who knew him better than everyone were after him. He was fucked, absolutely fucked and there was nothing he could do about it except try to throw them off. "Guys, I think the unsub is a woman." He stated a slight smile curled on his lips.

A smile grew larger as Morgan agreed with him, "I think he's right. "There are signs of the previous victims being hit in the head with a large object to knock them out, almost as if.." He started. And Spencer found himself continuing, "She couldn't overpower them on her own, she needed some form of help."

"She treats them delicately as if they're unbreakable until the anniversary happens and then she kills them the same way the woman she loved died." He couldn't believe how easy it was to convince them of this, these were supposed to be the greatest team of profilers and yet they seemed to ignore the obvious flaws in Spencer's statement.

For one, Spencer didn't need to knock her out so he didn't. The bruise that rested on the back of her head was recent and from the disposal of her body. He hadn't meant to drop her not really. Spencer hasn't been exactly subtle about his instability either, he hadn't expected JJ to even buy that he was just suffering from a migraine. Maybe she hadn't. Maybe she was just trying to be nice to him and let him convince himself of a lie. He didn't know. In all honesty, he didn't know much of anything. He couldn't tell if they knew and they were choosing to let him continue what he was doing or if they were as clueless as he's made them be.

Maybe this all would've been easier if Spencer had just lied to everyone. If everything they knew about him was a bunch of lies. He'd be far less paranoid if he had done that. But he hadn't and even if he wished they didn't, they knew him far better than anyone else. It was surprising to him that they hadn't connected the dots already, Maeve had died that day. He was recreating her death. They should know that but they don't. Maybe they had forgotten, maybe she was insignificant. Maybe Spencer should get over it. Maybe that day shouldn't play on a loop in his mind. Maybe he should stop hearing the gunshot ring. He should stop letting himself see her body hit the floor.

Life would be easier that way and Spencer would be far less fucked up. Far less disturbed.