Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“AND THAT’S A WRAP!!!” Jason clapped his hands together, walking up to Michael: “That’s all the physical tests done. You got the job lucky you!”

Michael nodded, getting off the treadmill wiping the sweat off his brow: “Thank you.” He reached for his bag near the wall digging through it for some deodorant and water.

“Don’t thank me yet! You’re the one getting frozen for 3 months.” Jason responded with a small smile.

The “frozen” he was referring to was cryo-stasis; it used to be considered impossible for many reasons, however people were now starting to figure out how to keep human bodies alive for weeks and months without constant human care. Whilst the last experiment lasted only a few days, it went without a hitch. Now they were going to see if doing it for a few months had any ill effects.

“Refresh my memory real quick, when is this happening again?” Michael said.

“Two days,” replied Jason. “Try to eat healthy and sort out any last will and testament...”

Another nod from Michael. All of this was already on the waiver he signed weeks ago but confirmation was nice.

“Oh and on the day bring some personal items like things you would want to bring 1000s of years into the future or something.” Jason said.

“Ominous, what’s this for?” Michael said furrowing his brow. “I thought the experiment was only meant to last for a few months?”

“Another part of the experiment.” Jason replied. “We want to test out if there adverse effects of long term stasis”

“Seems a little fast given we just discovered cryo-stasis like a month ago.” Michael responded

“Don’t worry we won't leave you for dead.” Jason said with a smile: “We will monitor your vitals so if anything goes wrong we can immediately fix it.”

“So you’re testing how I respond when I leave the pod?” Michael said his hand subconsciously reached for the stubble on his chin in a thinking man's pose. “Will any of you be there when I get out or are you testing to see if I can make it out of the bunker on my own?”

Jason shrugged “If we tell you now it might change the results, how you think and problem solve. That sorta thing.”

Michael nodded “Makes sense.”

“Anyway off you go” Jason said with a quick shooing motion. “Get out of here go enjoy your last 2 days of 2020 life before waking up in 2021 life”

A slight laugh exited both persons mouths before Michael reached for his phone. “Just to be sure we are meeting here again.”

“Not like we can move the bunker” Jason said with a slight shrug.

Michael nodded before picking up his bag, a pure black school bag with some badges on the front from various video games and media he liked, and walked out the front door.

Within a few minutes he was out of the facility and walking to the nearby bus stop. He looked at his phone opening the atlas app. It was going to take about an hour to get home, so he loaded up his music app to pass the time. He pressed shuffle and the first song that played was Nightsong, an old World of Warcraft track. As the made up lyrics played he closed out of the app.

He began scrolling through Reddit looking for what was new. Nothing much, people are still talking about the ongoing war that’s happening, Something about a slight water shortage, the rising death toll, and the drilling in Antarctica. The war itself had been going on for months at this point so it was nothing new. He bounced between various apps before just closing his phone and letting the music wash over him. While Nightsong was far from his favorite track from WoW’s history, to call it a bad song was stupid. He sighed before resigning himself to his fate of waiting at the bus stop, giggling slightly to himself when he thought to “wait faster.”

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One hour later he arrived back home, a dingy little place but it’s not like he could afford much more on a minimum wage. Hopefully this experiment works out and he gets some breathing room for his wallet. He did not dislike living here- it was enough for him, most of his money went to his computer setup anyways, getting a better house would not change that.

Turning on his computer out of habit and tossing his bag to the side, He started making his way to the kitchen looking for what he wanted to make.He had some pasta, some noodles, turning to the fridge he saw some oven baked pizza. He decided to eat that today, tomorrow the pasta and the chicken with some vegetables if he ever got the drive to make them. The computer was on the start screen and already loaded up discord. His server, West HQ (where shit goes down), was already alive with a few pings asking people if they wanted to play video games. Currently people were leaning on Overwatch (Michael will sit that one out) but if people wanted to play Starcraft he would join them. For now he would just vibe for a few hours, eat pizza and drone on for the rest of the day.
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Rest of his day turned out to be “until the experiment” with him mostly just bouncing around from game to game, Borderlands, Fallout, Starcraft, WoW. Never sticking to one for more than a few hours and none of which he had too much fun with. He really needs to get a new hobby.

Anyway, today was the big day! He was going to be dead for a few months then be reborn later. So he needed to pack. In his bag was a fair few items he would have wanted for the end of the world, his laptop, 8 terabytes of games, movies, music and books to read, his old 3DS and lastly a note for himself”

“In case you remember nothing after the thaw, remember this, you have the power to forge your own path and don't make the same mistakes past you did.”

A little grim sure but Michael was far from caring about that. Hell he was pretty sure the only reason he was alive was because he never bothered to end himself, well ignoring the fact that he ate, drank and breathed that was.

With his bag set He looked around for any last minute items. Phone, wallet, keys? Check! Patting his pockets with each word in his head. He headed out the door, his life was going to mean something to science and he was ready.

WAIT SHIT!!!!!!

He ran back inside grabbing a small-ish stuffed dog and tossing it into his bag.
“Don’t wanna forget you eh Doggy?” Said Michael ‘Sorry buddy it might be uncomfortable for a little while.” Ignoring the fact that a little while was a few months.

Also ignore the fact that Doggy could not talk nor feel pain. He was not crazy… Much.

Now he left the apartment, closing the door and locking it. The only thing he would have wanted to bring was his computer but lugging around 5 thousand dollars of computer hardware was stupid and he knew it.

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While the elevator went down to who knows how deep (almost 15 kilometers, yeah the builders and scientists knew), casual conversation was made by the others while Michael stayed silent. This was not new for Michael; most times he had little to add to a conversation, especially in a room filled with some of the smartest people in the world. However, this time it was a little more to do with nerves.

“Nervous?” Said Jason, almost reading Michael's mind, how does one get that skill?

“A little.” Michael said: “Thought I’m still going to do it.”

“Never any doubt” Jessie said, blond, tall, handsome guy. Reminded Michael of Owen Wilson.

There was some chuckling inside the elevator as it, finally, arrived.

The door opened to a magnificent sight. The walls were white, tiled and went about 5 meters up. On each wall were rows and rows of lockers, labeled with all sorts of things. “food, water, powertools, extra power for said tools and guns.” said Jason: “all this stuff is going to be in the full thing so might as well see how you react when trying to get out”

Michael nodded ‘what’s in the gun locker?”

“A sniper rifle and a 9mm pistol” Jessie said ‘we have yet to deck it out with anything else so combat armor will have to wait”
“What are you preparing for a fallout style world?” Michael asked with a grin around half the size of a banana. (Banana for scale.)

“Expect the worst and you won't be disappointed. I thought that was your catchphrase?” Jason said with just as large of a grin.

“Anyway” Jessie said, turning to the pod “this is your bed for tonight so get inside and we tuck you in”

Michael tried way too hard to ignore the cold sweat he entered, he was not a little kid ... .but being tucked in would be nice, just maybe by his mum or something. Actually who would he want tucking him in? No one he could really think of, he was not one for physical touch most days… A-ANYWAY, Focus! Get your mind back to work!

Michael shook his head and walked over to the pod. It was just larger than his bed, with a vitals machine on the left side and a clipboard with his details on the page. “Where do you want my bag?”

“We will put it in a locker labeled “personal.” Jessie said: “as well as your clothes and stuff.” He pointed to a small room with a shower. “Get changed into the clothes that we have provided to you in there.”

Michael nodded, he would rather not get his clothes frozen alongside him anyways.

A few minutes later he emerged from the shower room dressed in the teal hospital gown. “Little on the nose, isn’t it?” Michael said

“Nothing wrong with cliche, plus hospitals use ‘em for a reason.” Jason said.

“Okay, hurry it up and get in here.” Jessie said, with a slight roll of the eyes.

Michael rushed over and climbed into the pod, muttering a quiet sorry.

“Now, you know the deal. But just in case, any last minute questions?” Jessie said.

“None I can think of.” Michael said.

“Then let’s get this started!” Jason said. “see you on the oth-” the speech was canceled due to the pod closing, and a woosh of air could be heard. Within seconds, Michael was unconscious, the world going dark.

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System log: 25/12/2023

Earthquakes detected. Severe damage to elevator detected: powering down elevator

Power disrupted using default power souce: Geothermal Power souce

Total airlock procedure initiated: Air is now pressurized

Alert sent for emergency help: repeating alert until shut off

Unknown time until rescue

Long term stasis initiated

Default time: 10,000 years

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It was crowded in the helicopter. And loud. And warm. None of these ####### was a fan of. But she was a loyal soldier of DJ Octavio and has been for a few months now. She was well trained and took to things quickly and, more importantly, understood them better than most other soldiers. So yeah. Now she was in a cramped ass helicopter to go to a loud ass party so she could see two people fight to the death.

Not her idea of a fun thursday.

But she was going. Not going was treason and she was never going to be treasonous.

We are not even going to fight even if the DJ needs it, ####### thought, We are just here to watch.

She sighed quietly, long day aside at least she would be able to relax afterwards… Octavio said so himself after all.

Well, for now, she could at least try and enjoy herself. As little as she thought she was going to…

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####### should be down there. Octavio is, for lack of a better term, getting pwned. And she was just sitting here. She crouched, preparing to super jump down when…

Wait, what's happening to the music?

That old guy they captured just broke out! Shouldn’t…somebody….stop..them?

What is that heavenly melody?

In that moment ###### knew only one thing:

“This changes everything” said an octoling next to her. Yes, why thank you, that is the best way to put it.

A few days later ####### would try and desert the domes.
Octarians don't take kindly to deserters...

Chapter Text

“AHOY OCTOLING!”

She jolted awake hitting someone hard in the head, an “ow” came from both bonkies but otherwise they were unharmed. She shook her head trying to clear…..something, Her dreams? Her headache? Either of those would do, but none of them left.

She looked over to her left where the old man she bonked her head with now stood.

“Well you’re certainly up and at ‘em!” Came his voice: “You ready for round two huh? Even with no weapons?”

She felt around herself and…yeah. Despite having an inkpack she has no weapons. Wait, why would she have weapons?

“Even in this…” the old inkling looked around a second, no longer boring into her eyes with his own. “Weird place…” turning to look back at her.

“Last I remember you were fighting my protege, Agent 3, in Octo Valley, when we got surprise attacked by someone.” The bushy bearded inkling said “And we somehow got our way here. So how about we call a temporary truce while we try and find a way to escape?”

She nodded, not like she had much choice being stuck somewhere with no weapons.

“Well now that we are working together I should tell you my name, Good manners and all.” the inkling said “The names Cap’n Craig Cuttlefish, leader of the legendary New Squidbeak Splatoon”

“And your name is?” the Cap’n said.

She nodded and opened her mouth but she…she…SHE! SHE COULD NOT REMEMBER HER NAME!

The look of shock must have reached the cap’n because he said “By kraken…You lost your memory when you hit the ground?!”

She nodded, it must be true if she can’t remember anything.

“Most interesting” Mr Cuttlefish said “I noticed you humming the Calamari Inkantation just before you wacked me sideways. Could it be that the heavenly melody has been etched into your very soul?!”

She drew breath. He must be talking about her only memory, and while the last part of her memory was ... .hazy she could tell it was unpleasant and caused by that song.

The silence that followed was deafening. She was not sure what to say. Would she be reprimanded? They were fighting before, was it because of that song?

“I’ll take your stunned silence as a yes!” the cap’n yelled before returning to a more normal tone “I’ve heard tell of Octarians whose souls were etched by those squidtastic grooves…”

He paused for a moment, recalling the past: “But that was a few years back, during Agent 3’s battle with DJ Octavio. That might be related to this somehow….”

The Cap’n then perked up a bit. “In any case, sorry for siccing Agent 3 on you back there. Any fan of the Squid Sisters is a friend of mine!”

The Squid sisters? They were the ones to sing that song? At least she had a name for the singers. The Squid sisters… Yeah, she should say thanks to them when she gets out of here.

Wherever “here” is.

“We should get moving.” The Cap’n said. “Dust yourself off and find your land legs.”

She pushed herself off the ground. A lot hurt, probably from that fight with Agent 3, but she managed to get standing within a few seconds.

“What I would give to be young again…” muttered Cap'n to her left. She ignored it, finding her way to a weird box… with wheels! On tracks! Oh that's neat. But why the tracks? Surely a normal path would work just fine? She walked down the box-car and found that it opened to some of her ink. No other coloured ink weirdly. Why? Was something leading her this way? She looked back and saw that this was the only way through.
With nothing to lose, she set off walking down the track. Hopefully it won't take long to find something interesting…

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Did the walk have to take an HOUR? In near TOTAL DARKNESS?! She emerged from the long, painful tracks and found herself in a small room with some kind of box at the end of it.

“That's an octarian vault,” Cap’n said, reading her mind. Do all inklings have this power? “We will need a key to open it.” Looking to his left, he said: “In there! There might be a key in there!”

She followed his lead and stepped on a small switch that activated an inkrail. Shifting quickly into the inkrail, she found herself on a small pad.

“AH!” she yelped as a large screen surrounded her, displaying an “octoshot”.

“You okay in there, kid?” the Cap’n asked.

“Yeah, I-I'm fine,” she said. “Just got spooked is all.”

She looked back to the screen and reached out her hand, tapping it. The octoshot then materialized in front of her, causing another yelp.
“You sure get spooked easily!” Came the Cap’n’s voice again.

She said nothing (she had nothing nice to say after all) and grabbed the weapon. The screens dropped down as fast as they appeared the instant the weapon was no longer suspended in the air.

She walked forward into a room filled with boxes and balloons. Almost on instinct she started firing, breaking every box in the room until she found a key.

It did not take long, but she did have to ride a grind rail to get up to the key.

Walking back onto the pad, the screens showed up again, causing another yelp from the octoling as It scanned her, taking her octoshot away before lowering back into the ground.

“That thing took your weapons away again?” said the cap’n. “A pity… we could’ve used them where we’re going.” She said nothing, but looked at the key still in her hands. “use that key on the vault.” the cap’n said, “....say, anything in that room spark your memory?”

She shook her head before heading to the vault, the key disappearing in her hands as it opened up, shattering before her eyes.

“Onwards we go!” said the cap’n as he looked to the… oh you gotta be kidding me. ANOTHER LONG, DARK HALLWAY? MORE PAINFUL TRACKS?
OH COME ON!

She suppressed a sigh as she pressed forward.

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Time until release: 0 hours 60 minutes 0 seconds

Releasing fresh air

Regulating temperature: 25°C

Rescue still not found; Error 789

Chapter Text

The pod hissed open just as Michael was regaining consciousness. He just felt like he had the sleep of a lifetime. Well… He’d guess it was the best sleep of all time, as no human has ever slept for 4 months straight before.

Either way, Michael climbed out of the pod, his eyes trying their best to see once again. Things were a little blurry.

“Okay… eyes don’t work right away.” Michael thought aloud, “good to know.” He was mostly speaking to the recorders. They would want to know his play by play just in case.

It also helped Michael think better in general, just in case he needed more than one reason to do so.

He rubbed his eyes as his vision began to clear. He could now see that nothing had moved, so he walked over to the “personal” locker and fished out his clothes. Ignoring undergarments, he had black tight pants, a shirt with Anduin Wrynn on the front with the signature text “for the Alliance!” that he got when he was really deep into World of Warcraft, and lastly a jumper featuring the world machine from Oneshot on it. He wore that one everywhere.

He looked into his bag and saw everything was there and all in place. He fished out Doggy and hugged him a little. “Hopefully that wasn’t too rough on you, buddy…” Michael said before putting Doggy back in. “Shut up. I know he is a stuffed animal, and I don’t care.” he yelled out before the embarrassment shut him up, breaking into a familiar small cold sweat.

He walked over to the elevator and pressed the button to head back up. The doors opened almost immediately, but….why was there so much debris? “Odd…” muttered the human before looking over to his left where the ladder was. “I guess I’m climbing you. But first…” he looked over to his right back over to the lockers. “If they gave me guns I might as well take one, just having one won’t kill me… Probably.”

Opening the locker labeled “guns”, he saw 3 guns and a kevlar suit. The pistol and sniper Jessie mentioned, as well as the only gun Michael knew by name: The M1 Garand. Granted, the only reason he knew its name at all was because of the distinct ping sound it made when you reload it.

Putting the kevlar under his jumper, he picked up the pistol with a belt holster and put it on his waist (where else was he meant to put it?). He also took the 5 boxes of ammo there. 2 magazines that could hold 10 bullets each, and each box had 50 bullets… so 270 bullets altogether. If he ran out of that many without selling them or something he…well, he was going to need to work on his aim, that's for sure.

The sniper used .308 rounds from what the box said, and two more magazines were there too. It had a wooden stock and a black scope. 45 bullets in total for this weapon.

Slinging it onto his back to the right of his bag, he looked around for anything else in the bunker that might be handy. It did not take long; a 2 liter water bottle is always nice and it looked like there was a water purification device there as well. He won't go thirsty if he was stuck in this bunker forever.

He also noticed a computer to his right. Most likely to log events. Not his job to look at unless someone asked him to, but a locker labeled “power tools” was worth exploring.

“Unless someone stops me, I’m going to use these power tools to get out of here.” Michael said to the void. Finally he put his headphones on and pressed shuffle on his phone, fully charged of course.

Colours flying high started playing from Persona 5’s OST. satisfied with the song choice, he started climbing up the long, tube-like ladder. Surely it wouldn’t take too long to get to the top, right?

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He felt like this was taking a while.

It made sense that it would, but something should have changed by now. However, Michael could not hear anything outside of his music, even after he turned it off.
No voices.
No sounds.
Only the noise of his grunts as he continued climbing.
It was starting to get eerie.

Shouldn't someone have yelled down by now? Someone must know he was supposed to be awake by now, right?

“Hello?” he yelled up the ladder “You know I’m still alive, right?”
No response.
“If I don’t hear something I'm going to…” he thought for a moment, “I’m going to swear so you can’t use live footage anymore!”
It was silly to say but hey at least it kept him entertained, not much to do while climbing.

It was almost right after Michael yelled up that he heard a train go by. It echoed down the long metal tube almost knocking him off with the sheer volume even with him grabbing for dear life.
“FUCKING HELL THAT WAS LOUD!” Michael said, tears pricking his eyes.

But wait a second.

There were no trains anywhere close to the lab. Michael knew this, he had to take a bus anytime he went to the lab.

And train lines could not be built in 4 months, at least not without skipping 100s of safety tests.

“What the fuck?” Michael said “How is there a train line down here?”
After reordering himself he kept climbing up, trying to find the way out of there. He did not want to stay there, with trains making sounds from hell.

It took a while to climb up to….wait…why was the way blocked?
It was blocked by solid rock and stone. It was also clear that the tunnel up was moved away by this stone.

“The Hell?” Michael said aloud. “To do this kinda damage, one would need to move the earth itself…”

Well, either way, that was a dead end.

Fuck.

Michael had no idea what to do from here. When that train went past again, even louder than last time. God it must have been much closer than before.

Wait, that's it!

“It sounds like the trains are next to this tunnel. If I drill a hole where the trains are I can ride one up to the surface.” Michael said, half hoping he was wrong, the drilling was going to be loud as all hell.

No response from anywhere on Earth.

Well no time like the present to get back down. He knew there was a drill back in the bunker, hopefully strong enough to break this wall.

Climbing down and back up would take a few hours, and the trains did not seem any quieter rattling down those tracks the two times he heard them.

Plus maybe he could do with a quick break as well, his muscles were killing him.

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Climbing back up with the drill, he started his plan in full. He knocked against the wall, trying to hear anything that would indicate that he could drill through and find a train line. A hollow sound would do.

It was hell trying to figure that out, and he already started into his drinking water but after what felt like a few hours he found it. Angling the drill to the wall, he leaned against the tube. This was going to be risky and of fucking course it was loud. Rattling around that small metal tunnel caused it to echo around and reverberate back into Michael’s skull. He was going to be lucky if he lived with only minor ear damage.

Well, lucky for both him and his ears, he cut clean through the wall and the drill stopped just after Michael lost his grip. The drill falling into the bunker once again.

There were tracks just in front of him.

“YES!” Michael yelled: “Take that, you loud ass tunnel!”

Climbing out of the wall, he found himself on the train track itself. Looking to his right he quickly found the employee's access. He climbed the ladder, turned left and tried to start walking.

He did not get far as he took a few steps before stopping and sitting on the floor, quickly turning into a fetal position.

FUCK that was a loud few hours. He could barely feel his head on his neck. Taking a few more moments to put his mind back at ease, tears in his eyes, he put his headphones back on. The song playing was from Frostpunk. He looked at the title: The Shepherd. He knew it as the “bad ending” theme for the faith route. A little ironic given where he was, but taking that as reason enough to push forward he got up and just started walking.

He hoped he would not meet anyone for a little bit, if just to keep his head on a little more straight.

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If Michael had the power of time travel, he would go back 4 months and tell past him not to add Portal’s OST to his phone. Yeah, it was ironic at the time, and it was kinda funny, but also it was annoying and scary while walking down the long dark hallways.

No matter. Later he will make a playlist removing all those songs, but for now he will keep moving.

After walking for what felt like hours (but really was only 1 of such) he came across a large station platform. Walking across it he looked for signage but none of it he could read. “Interesting...” He said to himself- “I wonder what language that is?.”

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!

Michael jumped, turning to his left.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!

A phone was ringing?

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!

Well maybe he should go pick it up, see what the scientists want out of him now that he was ins-

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!

OKAY. MAYBE ALSO TO SHUT THE DAMN THING UP!

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!

Jogging over to the phone, Michael picked up the receiver on the left trying to hide the frustration in his voice as he said: “hello?”

[searching for user ID]

[user 10,008 confirmed]

“Greetings user 10,008. Your current location is: Deepsea metro central station” said the robotic voice through the phone.

“The deepsea metro central station?” Michael repeated, confused. “Well, any idea how to get to Redfern station?” He knew how to get home from a few stations, but Redfern was the first one to come to mind. He could take the T1 from the-

“My primary function is to facilitate your journey to the promised land. Pleased to make your acquaintance.” said the phone, ignoring him.

“Promised land?” Michael said, tilting his head slightly “Look buddy I’m not one for heaven, Hell seems to have cooler people inside it. Mind just giving me a map, or telling me where to find one?”

[assessing communication efficiency]

[efficiency: 15.7%]

[enabling contemporary speech mode]

“What’s up my fellow homie? Let's get up to the promised land posthaste!'' said the phone.

“Huh?” Michael said “Do I need to repeat myself in a simpler way?”

“Not at all my little dude, let me tell you all the deets real quick”

A sigh from Michael before resigning himself to his fate. “Go on then…”

“Imagine your current life but like 46% better bro. Nothing can compare!”

A small laugh erupted from Michaels mouth. Well, that’s a sales pitch and a half.

“But you might be wondering: ‘Can you take me to the promised land?’ well yes I can!” the phone said. “But before you can do that, you need to pass a test. Not just anyone can enter the promised land.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “I’m not praying to any gods, if you’re wondering.”

“You wont need to pray at all home boy. You just need to-”

“I’m not doing anything for this promised land, alright? Just give me a damn map.”

“This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and you’re just going to pass it up?” the phone said. “Are you sure about that?”

“Pretty sure…” venom entering his voice.

“Well alright. Then we have no other business.” the phone clicked off.

“OI you gonna help me catch a train or not?” Michael said. No response.

“Damnit, fine. I’ll catch the next train out of here, just you wait.” Kicking the pole before walking away.

It would probably be a bit until a train arrived so he headed over to the wall and sat down. He opened his phone and… NO INTERNET. Great. Putting it back into his pocket, the phone had just turned on the music Wolf at the gates. Warlords of Draenor was not a great expansion but the music was at least top tier. Resigning himself to his fate yet again, Michael waited.

Chapter Text

Of course the walk took ANOTHER HOUR. In COMPLETE DARKNESS. AGAIN. The walk itself was quiet at least, which she was thankful for.
“You’re not much for talking, huh?” she had to open her big mouth…big brain? Still, Craig demonstrated those mind reading powers once again.

“I don’t have much to say, Cap’n Craig Cuttlefish, leader of the legendary New Squidbeak Splatoon, sir!” she said “Nothing relevant at least.”

“Please just call me Cap’n” Craig said “Also you are allowed to say non relevant things, don’t let my old bones stop you.”

“Well my superiors always told me if I had nothing to say, outside of compliments, I should not be talking at all” she responded.

The Cap’n made a grunt of acknowledgement and, thankfully, stopped the conversation there.

Also fortunately, the walk seemed to reach its end at a platform of some sort. She cupped her hands together so the Cap’n could use them to climb up before heading up herself.

“Thank you missy!” Cap’n said cheerfully.

She nodded before looking around and finding a thing on a pole.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!

She yelped, practically jumping 3 meters into the air.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!

The thing on the pole was ringing.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!

Instinctively she reached out and grabbed the receiver, the ringing instantly stopping as she put it up to her ear. “H-hello?”

[searching for user ID]

[user 10,008 still unused]

[user 10,008 confirmed]

“Greetings user 10,008. Your current location is: Deepsea metro central station” The thing said.
“My primary function is to facilitate your journey to the promised land. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“Um” user 10,008 said, not quite sure how to respond.

[assessing communication efficiency]

[efficiency: 12.42%]

[enabling contemporary speech mode]

“What is crackalackin’, home skillet?” The phone said “Let us bounce to the promised land fo sho!”

“Were you not just-” test subject 10,008 said before getting interrupted.

“I am bout it bout it, so listen while I [SLANG_NOT_FOUND] you the facts.”
This damn phone, let her speak next time!
“You have spent your entire life in the dark. Your eyes closed to the new hotness that awaits. The promised land. A utopia of light beyond your wildest dreams. It is all that and a bag of cool beans.”

“Cool beans?” she said. “I’m not sure I un-”

“I will take you to the promised land now.” the phone said, but before 10,008 could thank the phone, they interrupted again. “NOT! HA HA HA. Psyche out. Only cool cats who have proven themselves can [ERROR] the promised land. Do you dig, dog?”

“I-I guess I d-”

“There have been 10,007 applicants so far, which makes you applicant 10,008. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo. Good luck and [SLANG_NOT_FOUND].”

Test subject 10,008 tilted their head in thought before getting interrupted again. This was getting annoying.

“This is Deepsea Metro Central Station, the realio dealio central hub of the facility. Here is your CQ-80 and CQ card. They are so bad.”

‘So bad’? What is this guy on about?
Before 10,008 could say anything, a card was printed and fell on the ground. As she went to pick it up, a device bumped her on the head. “Ow”

“Guard them with your lizzife, because if you lose them, you will be [ERROR].”

What did that error mean? She shivered slightly in place with that threat, though she didn’t fully comprehend why.

“Your train will be here in a few, Outie 5000.”

“Applicant 10,008 huh?” the Cap’ns voice came from her right “that's a beakful so i’ll just call you Agent 8”

Agent 8…she liked that, even if she could not explain why.

“That promised land they were talking about must be the surface. We should get moving.”

Agent 8 nodded, picking up the card and device as she looked to the Cap’n. In her peripheral vision was…

Oh, there was a person there!

The Cap’n followed her vision after seeing her surprise “oh… there is another person here? HELLO!”

The person did not respond as they walked closer.

Black headphones extended out from their ears to their pocket, clearly playing music. They were looking to their left, not really paying attention. Humming to themself.

“Tap his arm or something Agent 8” Cap’n said gently, nudging 8’s arm.

She flinched slightly at the touch, before leaning down and tapping the person's arm.

They jumped and said “Faex!” before looking over at Agent 8 and the Cap’n before saying “Paenitet me metuis, quomodo te adiuvare possum?”

That was unlike any language Agent 8 has ever heard before. She looked over to the Cap’n and saw him just as confused.

“Can you understand us, squiddo?” the Cap’n said.

“Uh paenitet me solum loqui anglicus.” the person said again.

“I’ll take that as a no then.” The Cap’n said with a sigh.

The person then looked like they were thinking, before pointing to the phone behind them.

“Nonne uteris ante telephonum?” They got up and jogged over to the phone “Conemur uti ea pro nobis interpretari!”

Agent 8 noticed what they were trying to do almost right away. She jogged over to the phone, ignoring a grumbling Cap’n along the way, and met the person next to the phone.

The person picked up the receiver and said “Oi telephonum, putasne nobis interpretari posse?”

The phone crackled to life once more before saying “Quidni tu qua lingua?”

They looked over to Agent 8 gesturing to talk to the phone.

“U-um yeah… can you translate for us?” Agent 8 said.

[detecting language]

[English detected]

[Inklish detected]

“Roger roger! We are now translating for you.” the phone said. “I will remain out of your conversion until prompted.”

The person sighed and said “Well that’s good news. As I was saying, I can only speak [ERROR]”

Agent 8 gestured to the Cap’n to say his piece. He nodded before speaking: “So how long have you been down here, sonny?”

The person said “only a few hours at most.”

“So you know a way out of here then?”

The person shook their head. “No, sorry. I’m stuck down here until the scientists let me out, or I find my way out.”
“But you have only been here for a few hours?” The Cap’n said.

“Kinda, I was in a bunker for a few months first,” the person said.

A beat.

“What?” Said Agent 8.

“I was stuck in a bunker for a few months on cryo-sleep. My exit was blocked so I had to drill my way out. Drills busted by the way.” The person said.

The two inkfish were stunned as they tried to process this information.

“By the way, I don’t recognize your language. Mind telling me what it is?” The person said.

“You have yet to tell us your name, squiddo.” The Cap’n said.

“Oh my bad. The name’s Michael. And you two are?” Michael said.

“I’m Cap’n Criag Cuttlefish, leader of the New Squidbeak Splatoon. And this…” gesturing to the agent next to him: “is Agent 8.”

“Hi” she said, not being sure what she should say in the situation she found herself in.

“You two military?” Michael said: “Is this a rescue mission, or?”

“We got stuck here after a fight.” The Cap’n interjected. “We now just want to find our way to the surface!” He pointed to the phone. “That phone mentioned the promised land, and we think it’s the way to the surface.”

Michael nodded: “Not my first guess… but I suppose that makes sense.”

The phone crackled a little bit. “Applicant 10,008, your train is almost here. Wrap it up.” Going silent instantly.

“Well if you guys are heading to the surface, mind if I join in? I’ll help out wherever I can.” Michael said.

Agent 8 and the Cap’n nodded. “Sure thing, sonny. We won't leave someone needing help alone”

Just as the sentence ended, the train the phone mentioned pulled up.

“After you two.” Michael said as his last words.

Agent 8 nodded and stepped onto the train.

Chapter Text

So that’s what that box thing was called? A train... She smiled, looking around before Cap'n's voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

“I’m pooped, Agent 8.” He said before sitting down on one of the benches. “Gonna rest my cuttlebones here for a bit.”

The other person elected to do the same sitting on the bench to her right.

Agent 8 however decided to stay standing, this seemed to be a good thing as a creature walked up to the doorway

“Thank you for using the Deepsea Metro today. I am your humble conductor, C.Q. Cumber.”

“You gotta be squiddin’ me!” The Cap’n said, clearly shocked. “A talking sea slug?!”

“Pardon me?” C.Q Cumber said “I take it this is your first time riding with us…”

Agent 8 tensed up as it walked over. They were in a weird place, with no way to escape. The last thing they needed was to piss off their driver.

“Here’s the deal. We’re in a vast underground facility operated by the Kamabo Corporation.”

Agent 8 nodded. Michael looked lost.

“It’s a series of test chambers connected by the Deepsea Metro subway system.” C.Q Cumber continued. Turning to Agent 8 “I see that you’re in possession of a CQ-80 device. I take it your aim is to reach the promised land?”

Agent 8 nodded with a small “Mhmm.”

“The promised land is a paradise to which we denizens of the depths are forbidden entry.” C.Q Cumber explained “To reach it, you must pass a test at each Deepsea Metro station.”

Another nod. Some part of her wondered if her neck could get sore from nodding so much.

“You much also find and collect the four thangs” C.Q Cumber continued “When all four thangs have been gathered, the door to the promised land shall open.”

“So all we gotta do is pass some tests and find some thangs and we can go home?” Capt’n said.

“I believe so…” C.Q Cumber said. “Let me show you your first test.” It justured to the CQ-80 device. “Do you need instructions on how to operate your CQ-80 device?”

She took out her device and pushed a button. Instantly a screen popped up showing a map of the metro. It seemed simple enough: a joystick and two buttons labelled ‘A’ and ‘B’. With two side buttons used for other menus labelled as ‘mem cakes’ and ‘settings’

“No thank you C.Q Cumber.” Trying her best to be polite. “This all seems pretty simple to understand.”

“Paenitet interrumpere sed nihil intellexi.” Michael said from her left. “Quomodo posset hic interpres accipere?”

Agent 8 took a guess and thought they wanted a translator. At worst it would let them talk to each other to get what they actually wanted.

After asking the question C.Q Cumber said “My apologies I don’t believe we have translation services at this time.”

Agent 8 looked at Michael and shook her head. They looked sad for a second before shrugging and leaning back into their seat.

With that sorted out she opened her CQ-80 device again and selected her first test: Fake Plastic Station.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The train stopped at its destination, only taking about 5 minutes from Central Station.
Agent 8 and C.Q Cumber both climbed out of the train (The Cap’n apparently decided to stay right where he was.)

When Michael went to exit the train as well he was stopped by the small sea slug. “I’m sorry sir but only people with a C.Q-80 device can participate in tests.”

Agent 8 raised a hand and shook her head making a small shoeing motion. Michael, seemingly getting the message, headed back inside “Bene ergo bene. fac me certiorem si quid opus est auxilio quamquam.” he said with a small wave.

Focusing back onto the task at hand she saw a similar platform to before. Stepping on it once again made a screen woosh up. (And she did not jump thank you very much)

“At each station, the available weapons will be displayed atop the equipper.” C.Q Cumber said “CQ points are required to take each test. We'll grant you 1,000 to start with.”

Agent 8’s CQ-80 then vibrated and the screen showed her points, indeed one thousand.

“The test fee indicates the number of CQ points needed to take the test.” C.Q Cumber said pointing to the top of the equipper “The reward is how many CQ points you will earn for passing the test.” pointing now to the number next to the weapon.

“Now go ahead and tap the screen to select your weapon.” C.Q Cumber.

With only one choice, the splattershot, she had to use it. She tapped the screen making it drop back down and leaving the weapon in her hands.

“This area we're in now is called a station platform”. C.Q Cumber said drawing her attention “You can find me here at each stop. If you'd like more info about a certain test, come talk to me. I'm always happy to help.”

Agent 8 walked up to the sea slug and asked: “S-so what is this test like”

“To pass this test, you must shoot and then touch the goal.” C.Q Cumber said with practised efficiency “The visibility here is quite poor, so be careful. Do you need me to repeat that?”

Agent 8 shook her head. “N-no thank you”

“Take care out there.” C.Q Cumber finished.

Agent 8 nodded, placed her CQ-80 on the terminal and entered the test.

Whoosh! A hidden pad launched her forward. She took a few seconds to reorient herself before looking around.

This place is weird. Plastic trees lined themselves close to the walls. The floors were a mixture of plastic grass and industrial floor panelling. A thin fog obscured the later trees and had her only seeing stuff close by her. Around 1 and a half metres her brain told her almost on instinct.

Agent 8 took a few coursis steps forward not even inking the path in front of her. As if inking the land would alert foe’s. If there was any here.

“Trees!?” Cap’n Cuttlefish’s voice came out of the CQ-80 course Agent 8 to jump in shock. “Man this subway is weird…”

So Cap'n can talk to her somehow.

Nice…

“Target acquired.” a voice from above said.

Agent 8 looked up and saw…oh thank goodness, an octoling!

“Octolings are your friends, right? Cap’n said “Maybe try talking to them?”
“Destroy” was all the octoling responded with before firing down on Agent 8.

With a yelp Agent 8 quickly started firing away from the octoling and swam quickly behind some boxes.

“H-Hey!” she yelled out “I’m an octoling like you!”

“Visual lost” was all the octoling responded “Seek and destroy.”

“EGAD! Are they really going to attack a fellow Octarain?” the Cap’n said “You might wanna talk a little louder”

“Target acquired.” the octoling said, sending another barrage of ink Agent 8’s way.

On instinct Agent 8 fired back and within a few shots the octoling was splatted.

“Sorry!” Agent 8 said “u-um I still would like to talk things out.”

The only response was a gate opening.

Agent 8 waited a second for her hearts to slow down again, the panic of the fight over.

“The gate is open! I guess taking them out was a good idea after all.” Cuttlefish said over the CQ-80.

“Y-yeah I guess” She responded. She noticed in the fighting a crate was broken and inside was some armour! She could make good use of that. After putting it on she walked into the next room.

“Seek and destroy.” Two more octolings! And they were already firing on Agent 8.

She ducked for cover, clearly they were not ones for conversation ethier.

“Get ‘em before they get you!” Cap’n said “That's the number 1 rule of the battlefield!”

They were closing in on Agent 8. She needed to make some space. She took out a splatbomb and tossed it away. She swam in the opposite direction hoping that the bomb would distrat at least one of them.

It worked! They both headed to the splatbomb inking the area around them. Agent 8 closed the distance and quickly fired a few rounds. Splat! And the octoling was sent to the respawn pad.

If it had power….
That thought made Agent 8 hesitate and that was enough for the last Octoling to turn around and fire, breaking her armour apart.

Before the octoling could follow up Agent 8 swam off hiding in one of the many plastic trees.

“Target lost.” The octoling said “Spreading ink.”

With the octoling focused on its task Agent 8 could take a good look at the octoling.

The first thing she noticed was that its skin was a green sickly colour with it’s tentacles a dark blue colour.

Which was odd given the ink they were firing with a light teal colour and not the dark blue it should be.

What was even more odd, now that Agent 8 had time to breathe, was how robotic their movement was. It was unusually stiff almost as if an A-

“Target acquired.” The octoling said breaking Agent 8 out of her thinking.

Focus up this is still a flight.

She created a path behind some cover and swam behind it, the octoling following close behind.

The octoling had a brella meaning she would need too… Thinking fast she tossed a splatbomb close to the octoling. As planned they turned around blocking the blast with the brella. Agent 8 took the flank and fired. Splat!

Agent 8 sighed, taking a moment to recollect herself. Why were they fighting her, why did they seem so…robotic? As if they were not even alive.

Even their speech was robotic now that she thought about it further, she knew that octolings enjoyed fighting so them speaking like that was really really weird.

Huh she still knew some stuff when it came to octolings, nothing perfect or precise but it was there.

“Agent 8 are you even listening?” a cranky cap’ns voice came through the CQ-80.

“Y-YES SIR!” she stood up straight, saluted, with a slight sweat on her brow.

A sigh came from the other end. “I was just saying the gate has opened up.”

Oh right there was more.
Walking through the gate led to another piller. She knew ment more octolings that, just as before, probably won't want to talk peacefully.

“Seek and destroy” the dualies wielding octoling said, all but confirming Agent 8’s fears.

At least it had dualies with its short range so her shooter could outrange them.

Almost in spite of her thoughts the octoling activated a inkvac flying into the air and firing ink orbs at Agent 8.

She had to act fast! Firing at the inkvac was not going to work. Instantly she headed for the tree’s using them for cover.

It ended up working better than she thought. The octoling piloted the inkvac into the tree. It was still airborne but at least they could not see anything.

Agent 8 saw her opportunity and opened fire, not quite blind firing thanks to the inkvacs jet stream but didn’t stop firing until she heard the familiar SPLAT! signalling that she can rest again.

She sighed vaguely registering a ringing in her ears, Probably from the constant hum of the inkvac. The final gate opened, revealing a large… pencil thing.

“Phew… you made it through somehow.” Cuttlefish said. “But why are Octarians hunting Octarians? What has the world come too?!”

Agent 8 did not know. After firing on the pencil to bring it to her level she tapped it and instantly a super jump pad appeared. Turning into octo-form she superjumped back to the entrance. Putting herself back onto the weapon platform. As it stripped her of her weapon a small little erasure thing was given to Agent 8.

It kinda looked like an inkling, with orange tentacles.

As C.Q Cumber gestured to the train signalling her to get back on board she had to wonder.

How long would she go without a friend?

Chapter Text

Agent 8 felt exhausted.
She just fought off 4 octolings, with a superior prattling about in her ear, and that takes a lot out of an inkfish.
With a sigh she collapsed onto the seat closest to her, (It just so happened to be next to Michael who looked at her with concern) and opened her CQ-80.
To her mild surprise something did change, she looked at it not quite sure what it was.

“Congratulations” C.Q. Cumber said, “You passed your first test.”

“Well done Agent 8” Cuttlefish said. Agent 8 nodded, she did not quite feel like celebrating.

“By the way.” C.Q. Cumber said pointing to Agent 8’s erasure thing “You received a memento when you finished. It’s called a mem cake.”

Agent 8 brought it to her face, inspecting it. C.Q Cumber continued “Mem cakes are formed by compressing memories into physical form.”

That would explain why this seemed familiar to Agent 8. Familiar yet it did not feel like it belonged to her.

“They’ll be awarded to you by Kambo. Co. to commemorate each test you pass.” C.Q Cumber said, “You also have new stations available for you to visit and test your skills within.”

Agent 8 really did not want to do them now. But still she selected the next te-.

“Huh?” Capt’n Cuttlefish said drawing Agent 8’s attention. “Is this thing working?”

He took out a small handheld radio. “OHO!” Clear jubilacion entering his voice. “I hear something! Come in Agent 3, Agent 3 do you copy?!”

“MIC CHECK ONE - TWO” Came a loud voice in response, making the capt’n drop the radio in the process.

“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?”

“Excuse me?” Cap'n Cuttlefish said. The sheer audacity of the voice made Agent 8 giggle slightly.

“Pearl!” a second voice said “Didn’t anyone teach you to respect your elders!?”

“Hwa-?! Who am I speaking to? Cuttlefish interrupted, an edge entering his voice. “Where is Agent 3?! State your names!”

“Uh, I think I asked you first bro. But anyways I’m Pearl, but you can call me MC Princess!

Suddenly MC Princess decided that was the best time to start rapping.
”My deets? I’m short and sweet! I spit fire makes posers perspire.
Step to my game> I’ll bring the pain. I’m never shook because I'm OFF THE HOOK!”

“OHO?! Check it kid. Are you stepping to me with a rap battle? MC Criag in the house!”

“Call me Cap’n Cuttlefish, but not cuz I cuttle fish. Smooth like butta bet you wish that you could stunt a flow like this.

As MC Princess and Cap’n Cuttlefish freestyled, Agent 8 stifled a giggle. She would not mind seeing more of this silly old man, rather than the commander he was supposed to be.

“OK, you two.. That’s ENOUGH!” the second voice said drawing the matter back at hand. “Mr. Cuttlefish, was it? We found a radio here and heard your transmission. We’re currently on Mount Nantai. Where are you calling from?”

“Mount Nantai…” Cap’n Cuttlefish paused for a moment. “Why that’s near Octo Valley!
Agent 8 and I were near there, but someone seems to have taken us deep underground…”

“I see… So you and this… Agent 8, don’t know where you are?” And with compassion entering their voice, “Sorry to hear that…”
“But worry not! From now on, you’ll have me, Marina-AKA DJ_Hyperfresh, supporting you!”

A light tapping could be heard on the other side of the radio. “I’ll get to work analysing your surroundings, and hopefully I'll be of some use to you!”

“I don’t really get what’s going on, but hang tight. We got you!” Pearl exclaimed

“Ok, well… Anyone who loves rapping is a friend of mine. Thanks for your help!” Cap’n said

Agent 8 breathed a small sigh of relief, at least they had help going through these things. That and three voices rather than the rather stern one of the Cap’n.

“We’re off to pass some sorta tests and make our way to the promised land!” Cap’n said, interrupting her thoughts. “And by “we” I mean you, Agent 8! Time to get to it!”

Agent 8 nodded not really wanting to “get to it” but not really having a choice. A commanding officer just gave her an order.

She pulled out the CQ-80 device and was about to select a test when C.Q. cumber waddled up to 8. “Do you mind if I have your attention?”
She shook her head and knelt down to C.Q. cumber’s height.
“There is a user submission form we would like you to complete.” they said. Agent 8 looked at the CQ-80 device and under test select was indeed a submission form.
“We would like all of our test subjects to completed these form so we can get the best results we can”

Agent 8 took a seat before starting to write.
“Take your time user 10,008 there is no rush.”
Agent 8 nodded before focusing on the task at hand.

_________________________________________________________________________
Test ID: Fake Plastic Station
Participant: 10,008
Weapon used: Splattershot & Splat Bomb
Personal notes: I don’t really know what to make of this place. I am being tested but for what? My worthiness? Why would the promised land need me to be worthy?

Why were the octolings green? Why did they attack me on sight? Did I do something wrong?

At least I find myself with 3 allies to help me through this, that being the Cap’n, M.C_Princess and DJ_Hyperfresh (I hope I’m spelling those names right.)

They are counting on me to do these tests, I just hope i don’t fail them.

_________________________________________________________________________

She looked over at C.Q. Cumber and showed her work to them. “Is this okay?”

C.Q. Cumber nodded “This will do splendidly, Please note down your thoughts and feelings after every test.”

As they waddled away the CQ-80 vibrated. She looked at it’s screen and saw a message.

_________________________________________________________________________

■Webmaster■ > DJ_Hyperfresh has joined the chatroom.

DJ_Hyperfresh > Hey.

DJ_Hyperfresh > Anyone here yet?

DJ_Hyperfresh > Helloooooooooooo?

■Webmaster■ > MC.Princess has joined the chatroom.

MC.Princess > Ayo its Pearl! aka MC Princess, aka The Baroness of Bars, aka MC Foreign Policy

DJ_Hyperfresh > …

MC.Princess > OH SNAP its Marina

DJ_Hyperfresh > Hey, Pearl…

MC.Princess > aka DJ Hyperfresh

MC.Princess > aka DJ Cold Breakfast, aka The Fuzzy Dazzler, aka DJ Catch-and-Release

MC.Princess> And we are here to party it up all night!

MC.Princess> Yo 8? You reading this?

_________________________________________________________________________

She smiled before typing out her response.

_________________________________________________________________________

TEST_SUBJECT_10,008> I can read your messages.

DJ_Hyperfresh> Nice first try!

DJ_Hyperfresh> we can talk to you here and with the CQ-80’s speaker.

DJ_Hyperfresh> Hold on I can get the Cap’n in here as well.

■Webmaster■> CriagCuttlefish has joined the server!

MC.Princess > Bahaha! Dudes screen name is just his first and last name. Gotta love old people lol

DJ_Hyperfresh > Hi, Captain Cuttlefish! Can you see the chatroom okay on your cell phone?

CraigCuttlefish > I CAN SEE IT JUST FINE THANKS FOR ASKING

CraigCuttlefish > BUT ALL MY LETTERS ARE BIG FOR SOME REASON

MC.Princess > Hit the caps lock key, cap

DJ_Hyperfresh > It should be the button in the lower left, depending on your phone.

TEST_SUBJECT_10,008> What did you mean by first try DJ_Hyperfresh?

DJ_Hyperfresh> I was able to hack into the CQ-80, so you could see our chat logs

CraigCuttlefish> Te$+, 1 @M cUtTleF:$h

DJ_Hyperfresh> We will do our best to make sure you clear all of these test.

MC.Princess> Yo cap how did you even type like that? You gotta show me

_________________________________________________________________________

Agent 8 giggled slightly before noticing that someone was looking over her shoulder.
Oh it was Michael.

He took out his own device and said “Tu me vocas ad catervam illam chat mens?”

Agent 8 put 2 and 2 together and realised what he wanted.

_________________________________________________________________________

TEST_SUBJECT_10,008> Do you think you can invite Michael into this chat?

DJ_Hyperfresh> Oh you have a 3rd there?

CraigCuttlefish> thats right

CraigCuttlefish> we found him when boarding the train for the first time

CraigCuttlefish> i dont think he speaks inklish

DJ_Hyperfresh> Anyway for him to be able to talk to us then?

TEST_SUBJECT_10,008> Yes, we can use that odd phone at central station!

MC.Princess> Then thats our first stop lets go 8!

_________________________________________________________________________

Agent 8 opened the map and selected “Central Station.”

Michael nodded and leaned back into his chair.

It would not be long now until he could speak, well type, freely.

Chapter Text

This was all so odd.
Michael could only guess this was some weird branch of government.

Rewind a bit, think this out.

Liquid based weaponry, not unheard of but it’s odd they could SWIM IN WHATEVER WAS IT WAS SHOOTING.
But both sides were using it as if it was normal.
No way warfare changes that fast right?

Well he had a hundred questions and only one way to ask ‘em.
Too that phone that speaks in 80’s slang.
Was it the 80's or 70’s? Michael was not well versed enough in language to know.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Agent 8 stepped out the train with Michael and the Cap’n a thought crossed her mind.
Somehow it never crossed her mind before but.
Why did they have so many tentacles?
Looking up at Michael she saw what looked like thousands of the things on their head but they did not move like hers or even the Cap’ns.

“Agent 8? Are you there?”

“I-uh y-yes sir!” spinning in place to focus her attention back to her superior.

He sighed and justured to the phone who was already talking to Michael.

As the two walked up to the phone they could hear them talking.

“Scin' quid haec sint?” he said pointing to the Cap’n and Agent 8.

“Illi squidillydo ipsi tibi dicerent” the phone responded.

“Squidillydo’s? I swear this phone will be the death of me” Michael said, now being translated by the phone.

“I have been meaning to ask you Michael but…” Cuttlefish paused, seemingly figuring out to phrase the question “What race are you?”

Michael looked absolutely baffled. “What kind of question is that?”

“Well you have tentacles unlike any race I have seen before and-”

“Tentacles?” Michael said looking…down? “Maybe I need to start with the questions” His tone getting aggressive.

“Y-yes I think that would be best” Agent 8 said.

Cuttlefish hmpfed “I thought the question was a reasonable one.”

Before either side could continue the small argument Agent 8 said. “Michael, your question.”

Michael took a deep breath and said “What year is it?”

“2018. Why?” Cap’n said.

“2018!? Wha? How did I go back in time?”

“Back in time?”

“Michael,” Agent 8 said. “Ït might be worth starting from the beginning.”

“Okay, not sure how much I can say legally but at this stage I’m sure the scientists that put me under understand.” Michael said, sighing.

“I volunteered for an experiment for cryo stasis that was meant to last a few months then I woke up and climbed my way up here. Then I saw this phone and saw you soon after.”

“That cleared up nothing,” Cuttlefish said.

“Is that everything Michael?” Agent 8 said

“Everything that I can think of is mentioned there.” putting his hand to his chin “Unless you want my whole life story?”

“It might speed things along at this rate” Cuttlefish grumbled

“Uh maybe just….” Agent 8 pondered for a moment “What’s the first question that comes to mind when you look at us?”

Michael took a quick glance at the agent before focusing on her head “Not to be an asshole but what’s up with your hair?”

“Hair?” Agent 8 asked, tilting her head off to the side.

“Yeah your hair.”

“You say that as if I know what hair is.”

Michael looked dumb founded “What do you mean you don’t know what hair is?”

“Ahem,” Cuttlefish interrupted, “I think I know what you are.”

Michael gestured to continue.

“You’re a human are you not?” Cuttlefish said.

“Of course.” Michael said “You mean you’re not?”

“No.” Agent 8 said, “I’m an octoling and mister Cuttlefish is an inkling.”

You could practically see the gears turn in Michael’s head. “hu-what?”

“Michael.” Cuttlefish said. “The humans went extinct many years ago.”

Michael shook his head and laughed “You’re joking right?” No reaction. “Right?”

Cuttlefish shook their head, Agent 8 looked sympathetic.

Michael took a step back his laughter only giving way to three words; “oh my god…”

After only a brief silence he took a deep breath. “There is a little bit of Irony in me being the last man on Earth.”

“How so?” Agent 8 asked.

“I’m a broken man in a lot of ways, with any luck you won’t hear of most of them.”

Agent 8 did not know what to say after that, lucky for her Michael spoke first.

“On that cheery note, what do we do now?” Michael said “We wanna focus on getting you guys to the surface?”

Cuttlefish nodded, “That seems like the best short term goal.”

“Great.” Michael pulled out his device, “You guys think we should get Marina on the horn?”

“On the horn?” Agent 8 said.

“Call her, she hacked that CQ-80 right?” Michael said “She might be able to hack my phone so we don’t need to return here to talk.”

“Oh! That’s a good point.” Agent 8 reached for her CQ-80.

_________________________________________________________________________

TEST_SUBJECT_10,008> Hey DJ_Hyperfresh are you there?

DJ_hyperfresh> You can just call me Marina. It's fine.

DJ_Hyperfresh> But yes I am here.

MC_Princess> yo im here too

TEST_SUBJECT_10,008> Do you think you can hack Michaels phone to be able to talk to us?

DJ_Hyperfresh> In this chat?

TEST_SUBJECT_10,008> Hopefully

DJ_Hyperfresh> Can I see his device?

______________________________________________________________________

Agent 8 repeated the question to Michael who nodded and said, “Let me know anything I can do to help but I don’t know much about coding.”

Reaching for his pocket, pulling out his phone, unplugging the things connected to his ears.

The phone buzzed to life briefly "Test Subject 10,008, your CQ-80's got a camera app! Just peep it in the menu and you're good to go."

Agent 8 nodded, selecting the app and taking the photo.

“You sure know a lot about these devices.” Michael said to the phone.

“Adsum fac ut omnia probata subditi omnes probat aceantur.” It responded “Eos habere non potest omnia sua lizziva remanens quomodo haec operantur".

Michael shrugged. “Suspicor enim nos utrumque operatur.”

Ping! Agent Eight looked at the CQ-80

______________________________________________________________________

DJ_Hyperfresh> I don’t recognize it from looks alone but it looks pre war.

DJ_Hyperfreah> Does he have the model number?

______________________________________________________________________

Agent Eight repeated the question.

“Proin translation commodo.” Michael said.

A beep from the phone before Michael asked for the question again.

“Hmm a Simsong A31 I believe was the model.”

______________________________________________________________________

TEST_SUBJECT_10,008> A Simsong A31

DJ_Hyperfresh> I found the model!

MC_Princess> woah just like that rina? you da best

DJ_Hyperfresh> It will take me a

DJ_Hyperfresh> Aww thank you Pearlie :)

DJ_Hyperfresh> It will take me a while to figure out how to connect him in.

CraigCuttlefish> SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD TIME TO DO SOME TESTS EIGHT

CraigCuttlefish> IM ALREADY ON THE TRAIN

______________________________________________________________________

How did he-? Agent Eight looked back and low and behold there was the Cap’n waiting next to the doors of the train.

“Come on squiddos! We don’t have all day!”

“Hold on.” Agent Eight looked towards Micheal. “Have you got any questions?”

“None that can not wait since I can’t help out in the tests anyway” he said “we should get moving before the old man tries to kill you.”

With some alarm Agent Eight raced towards the train with Michael jogging just behind.

“Octo in te probat'' Michael said with a thumbs up.

Eight nodded despite not understanding him and pulled up the CQ-80.

She selected Bounce with Me Station and found a seat.

Chapter Text

Michael sighed as Agent Eight entered the testing chamber.
Next time they head over to that phone they should get a second CQ-80 so he could help out in some of the tests.

The screen retracted down showing a “third person camera” behind Eight allowing the passengers to watch the tests.

Michael had no idea if the other creatures in the train were also test subjects, to watch eight in her struggles, or leaving for work of some kind.

As the agent on screen talked to the sea cucumber Michael was thinking. He was the last human alive.Or at least the only one those inklings and octolings have found. There was only one explanation. The cryo pod lasted longer than the three months the experiment meant to last.
How? Automated systems would have him kicked out anyway, that was part of the test.

Well at least they knew that the pod could last many years.
Just how many have passed? The people he has interacted with are sapient with a full language. Slightly more advanced AI and modern-ish transportation.

So 5 million years for evolution, give or take a few hundred thousand for his poor understanding of biology, then around another 5 thousand for technology?
Maybe shave off a few hundred since they had human technology for a jump start.

It made no sense. Cell activity was not halted, it was slowed.
Michael had no clue of the how or by how much but they said that if this lasted longer than a few centuries he would have to take a piss at least.
But nothing.

Weird. It might be worth looking at the data logs. He knew the password (Sciancerules34) and it would at least get him a timeline.

For what end however?

He is, and forever will be, a science experiment. Once they make it to the surface he will be taken, put into a lab, and studied.

He won't have a life.
He wont have any friends. All of his old ones were dead, any new ones won't be able to speak with him.
He is alone.

More alone than any human has ever been.

He didn’t know what to feel. He felt sad yet empty. It was not a whole new feeling.

Rather than dwelling on that he shook his head and out back in his headphones.
“Phosphor” was playing. From Oneshot one of his favorite games.

Looking back up at the screen, eight had begun her test. She was clearly nervous even to his own stunted brain,

ARG not everything is hopeless. Eight is fighting for you, the least you could do is try and help her!
Eye’s on the test, maybe when eight’s computer friend gets him in the system he could help with test solving.
Still he had to help in any way he could.

“I got this” pumping his hands to hype himself up, turning his head to the screen, focusing on Eight’s test.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
_________________________________________________________________________
Test ID: A06: Bounce with me station
Participant: 10,008
Weapon used: Blaster and Splatbomb
Personal notes: Why oh why did it force me to bounce so high?
Marina mentioned that there was something weird about the octarains in these tests. She will run a “full body scan” later. However she will be able to do that, I have no clue.

_________________________________________________________________________

Eight sighed, head buzzing from bouncing so often and so high. She was taking deep steady breaths trying to keep herself from crying.

She never did well with heights. Or with octojumping.

Her CQ-80 pinged with the sound of a new message.

_________________________________________________________________________

DJ_Hyperfresh: You okay Eight? You seemed like you were holding back tears back there.

MC.Princess: you know eight its fine to take a break now and then

Test_Subject_10,008: It’s fine, I’m sorry for slowing down our efficiency

_________________________________________________________________________

Pearl and Marina shared a look, they both knew all too well where that thinking came from.

_________________________________________________________________________

DJ_Hyperfresh: It’s fine Eight. Your pacing is more than fine.

DJ_Hyperfresh: In fact we are ahead in schedule.

MC.Princess: yeah and we need to get your human friend in the phone line anyway

DJ_Hyperfresh: Yeah, and I can’t do that while you’re in the middle of a test.

DJ_Hyperfresh: Coding for two things at once gets things mixed up.

Test_Subject_10,008: No, I can handle one more.

Test_Subject_10,008: You focus on getting Michael on the same page.

MC.Princess: hey what have you got for food down there?

Test_Subject_10,008: uh, I’m not sure. Sorry.

MC.Princess: you should look into the 8.

DJ_Hyperfresh: She is right, you can’t fight on an empty stomach.

Test_Subject_10,008: I’ll go ask that phone. They should know.

_________________________________________________________________________

Marina sighed and rested her head on her hand, staring at the screen she was just messaging from.

“That brings back memories,” Pearl said.

“Not pleasant ones” Marina returned.

“Hey” Pearl said, bringing Marina’s head to hers, arms wrapping around her friend.
“You made it out of this mindset and Eight will too, I’m sure of it.”

Marina smiled, “Thanks Pearlie.”

“No prob ‘Rina” Pearl said with a gleaming smile.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A vending machine.

It had meals inside it no doubt but…

Well Eight had never enjoyed cold meals to say the least.

Some of the options looked alright, like the basic pasta or the pizza’s.

Thought again cold.

Eight was already feeling sick just thinking about it.

At least it was free and there was water to go with it.

“Oi OCTO!” Michael yelled, and much quieter the phone could be heard translating.

Eight jogged over.

“Have you heard back from your phone friends?” Michael asked.

“Pearl and Marina?” Eight said “yes I have.”

“Did they finish coding your discord?”

“N-no nothing’s wrong.” Eight said a slight sweat reached her brow.

“Your chat room, the human one was called discord.”

“O-oh right, uh no she had to focus on the test.”

“Yes I wanted to talk to you about that.”

Eight nodded.

“Obviously I can’t help much while I can’t talk to you in the tests.”

“Mhmm.”

“And I can’t help in the tests, one person only and they seem to be made for your kind. Not humans.”

“Yep.”

“But that does not mean I can’t be helpful.” Michael said rubbernecking. “But I uh don’t know how to do that.”

“Neither do I” Eight admitted.

“That being said, I do have a place of interest for you.” Michael said. “Down that way is the bunker I came from.”

Eight followed his finger pointing down one of the dark trackways.
“There might be items of interest there, I have a few weapons.” He said pointing to the pistol on his belt, “But I was out of there in a hurry.”

“So why not leave now?”

“We need to be able to talk to each other, to do that we either need Marina’s app.”

Eight nodded.

“Or we need to learn each other's language.” Michael said. “I would need to learn yours anyway since I’m the last human alive.”

“Something to keep in mind, sonny.” Cap’n Cuttlefish interrupted, causing Eight to jump. “Humans can’t speak inklish.”

“What do you mean?” Michael said.

“Well Humans and inkfish have different vocal cords.” Cuttlefish said, “Something about water in our throats and not in yours.”

“Damn.” Michael said.

“The good news is we can’t speak your language either.”

“HOW IS THAT GOOD NEWS?!” Michael said exasperated.

“H-have you humans got a sign language?” Eight asked.

“Yeah but I never learned it.” Michael said, “Guessing it’s the same story for your version.”

“I honestly can’t remember.” Eight said “S-sorry.”

“That’s fine, that just makes us even.” Michael said. “Still that marks the best thing for me to do is too learn to understand your language.”

“I can learn your language too!” Eight shouted jumping in the air before saying much quieter, “i-if that’s okay with you.”

“Fine with me.” Michael said “I’m not sure how to start is all.”

“Um you usually start with hello’s” Eight said.

“Stop translation” Michael took a deep breath “Salve”

Eight nodded and said “Hello”

“Sal-ve”

“Hel-lo”

“Hello”

“Hello”

“Translation on” Michael said “well that’s at least one word out the way.”

Eight nodded a smile on her face.

“This will take too long sonny, we should do this once you get Marina’s phone app thing.”

“Yes, we should be doing this inbetween tests.” Michael said.

“That and we are behind schedule.”

“O-oh um sorry sir. It won't happen again.” Eight said.

“You better make sure it doesn’t.” the Cap’n said moving towards the train.

“There’s a schedule?” Michael asked.

“I’m not sure but he is my commanding officer, I don’t want to get quartered.”

And before Michael could ask any more questions she ran off to the train.

Chapter Text

Marina hummed to herself as she worked.
Man, human code was something else, she always found it interesting that it’s one of the few things that was massively culturally significant that was almost purely english. Well that wasn’t fighting the largest wars in history that was.

For the most part English culture was just Roman culture, so just Greek culture with slightly different names. At least until the age of exploration then they really start to become their own nation.

And all of that for spices that they never used cuz their most tasty food ended up being fish and chips with salt.

But still it started to make humans far more connected than before but that really just made more fighting.

Marina sighed, she did not need to recall all of human history to make a basic translation app, really, the hard part was making sure that Michael’s phone could connect and read messages. Thank goddess that Metro had good wifi down there. Made with old human code as a base, inkfish have not done that in years which struck her as odd.

“Hey ‘rina” Pearl said interrupting her train of thought “How goes that chat app thing?”

“It’s coming along fine Pearlie.” Marina said “I just have to make sure that the human’s phone can read my code, hard to do since it’s years out of date, even by human standards.”

“I have no idea how any of that works but you do you ‘Rina”

Marina smiled before looking back to her laptop and, out of habit, opened the metro app she made.

“That’s odd”

“What is?”

“Agent Eight is doing one of the tests.”

“WHAT!?” Pearl exclaimed “I thought we told her to rest up, she clearly needed it.”

“Well there she is, midway through Maverick station.”

“That’s the inkjet one you hacked right? That’ll drain her like crazy!”

“Get over here pearl we need to save our agent from herself!”

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was clear to Michael that Agent Eight was not having a good time.

She was breathing heavily and tears were pricking at her eyes.

Michael had tried to get the older squid to let Agent Eight rest but all he did was shrug him off. Further attempts just had him glare at Michael. He needed to work on his drawing skills clearly.

Michael was at a loss of what to do, outside of breaking into the test and getting her out himself, but that would piss off whoever ran the tests, and Michael had played too much Portal to think highly of anyone doing tests of this manner.

So he was stuck, watching and hoping that she would make it back okay.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eight collapsed after her super jump back to the pad. Something small and rubber hitting her head. She picked up the meme cake, already the human and Cap’n were walking to her.

Michael lifted one of her arms over his head asking “Potesne ambulare?”

Agent Eight nodded, letting the human slowly raise her to standing height. Him having to bend over because he was much taller than her. He was surprisingly warm to the touch.

“What’s our next Test Eight?” Cap’n said.

Eight was silent, she knew she should be standing on her own, and saluting the man in front of her relaying her plan to him. Frankly it was a surprise that the test order was on her.

At that moment her CQ-80 piped up “Hello anyone there?”

“Hello” Michael said.

“Michael?” Marina’s voice said “where is Eight? Is she okay, is she alright?”

“Uh um” Michael said.

“I’m here” Eight said before any more confusion was had. “I’m fine”

“Thank goodness you’re alright” Marina said with a sigh “now what the hell were you thinking Eight?”

“I-, it was an order.”

“Whom was it?”

“It was me.” Cap’n said.

“She was clearly exhausted. Why did you send her back out there?” Marina asked.

“She can handle it, and she did.” Cap’n said “if there is one thing I know about these Octarians is that they are tenacious.”

“That’s fucked up gramp’s” Pearl said.

“How so?” Cap’n said “God knows how many Octarians I have splatted, but they always had incredible stamina.”

If this was a more pleasant conversation Pearl would have said ‘in more ways than one.’

“Either way, we need to hurry through this place lickity split before whoever is running these experiments decides that a 3 man posse is too large for one test subject.” Cap’n said.

“The officer has a point Marina.” Eight said.

“Eight, the adults are talking.” Marina said, visibly deflating Eight who was moved to a chair by Michael.

“Regardless, pushing Eight to her limit will just make things take longer. As a commanding officer, you should know that inkfish can’t go all out all day everyday.”

“She doesn’t need to go all out everyday, just until we get out of here.” The Cap’n retorted.

“And how long will that be?”

“Not too long, would be even shorter if our agent got her butt into gear.”

The two, maybe three, arguing voices faded as Eight tried to ignore them. They weren't yelling at her. Yet.

Though it was clear that both sides were angry at her. She brought her knees to her chest wincing slightly at the pain.

She just wanted the ground to swallow her whole. To disappear into the void. She could feel the train rumble as it shook her to the core. She swears the lights were brighter than before.

She felt a hand wipe away her tears she didn't even know she had.

“Heus, bene agis?” Michael asked.

Eight couldn't understand him but his body language indicated he was asking for a hug.
She shook her head.

Michael nodded, not that Eight saw, and went on his phone. After a few minutes he tapped Eight on the shoulder.

“Ludam tibi aliquam musicam, semper me adiuvat.”

He pointed to the headphones he always wore indicating he wanted her to put them on.

She hesitated before relenting, grabbing the headphones from the human and placing them into her ears.

Music then played from his phone, she didn't recognise the song but it was clear it was slow jazz. The steady drum beat helped focus her on the human lyrics that played. Rather than the argument around her.

Michael then showed her how to raise and lower the volume before handing the phone to her.

She turned it way up, allowing Michael to hear, and blocking out all the noise.
After a bit the song repeated but Eight didn’t mind, it was clearing her head.

After a while she took off the headphones, The Cap’n was still arguing with Marina but at least she was calmer.

“Thank you.” She said.

Michael nodded, then perked up, “Gratias.”

Eight hoped that meant “you’re welcome.”

The Cap’n stormed off, leaving the CQ-80 on the seat where Eight left it.

“Eight, are you there?” Marina’s voice asked from the device.

Eight really didn’t want to talk.

Michael picked up the device, mouthed a few words then tilted his head.

They seemed to be asking if she wanted to talk.

She shook her head.

Michael nodded. “Octo nunc loqui non possunt.
…
Illa te revocabit.”

They hung up.

Can they do that?

He handed the device back to Eight, making typing gestures.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Test_Subject_10,008: Can we talk later, please?

DJ_Hyperfresh: Of course Eight, we will be here when you are ready.

MC.Princess: and let us know if that old man comes back and asks to back down there before your ready

MC.Princess: i can and will cut a fish

DJ_Hyperfresh: In the meantime I’ll see if I can’t get the human in this chat.

Test_Subject_10,008: They have been very kind, I think.

Test_Subject_10,008: Talk later. I’ll call you guys.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------

She should get some sleep. She turned to the human and laid her hands next to her head like a pillow.

They nodded and moved over a bit to make space for her.

She took the invitation and before too long she drifted to sleep.

Chapter Text

Eight was conflicted.

On one hand, it was nice not to run herself to exhaustion every day.
On the other hand, she didn’t like not being treated like a soldier.

Everyone was fussing over her, Well except for Michael and the Cap’n.

Michael cuz Marina was so worried about her that Michael STILL can’t type to her.
And the Cap’n was just keeping to himself after the argument.

Still having Pearl and Marina exclaim every time she stumbles, or makes a slight error has gotten on her nerves.

She shook her head, she shou-

“Eight, are you okay?” Marina asked.

YES I’M FINE LIKE THE LAST TIME YOU ASKED TEN SECONDS AGO!

“I’m fine.” Eight said with a practiced calm.

“Just remember it’s okay to take a break.”

Eight stopped counting how many times Pearl or Marina told her that when the number got past 4 digits.

Even her lieutenant, who famously worried about everyone, never got that far.

And he saw her crash her inkvac over and over, Eight didn’t do that this time.

And Eight only rolled off the stage once, lucky these tests have a spawn point.

And.

And…
Wait…Who was her lieutenant?

She tried to force herself to remember, it must have shown on her face because Marina piped up with a “Eight, are you sure you are okay?”

Eight didn’t respond, she tried to focus on her memory, but it faded away leaving only a headache.

“It’s nothing.”

“I don’t think it was nothing.” Pearl said “but I’ll trust you.”

Eight tried to hide how relieved she felt at that. She needs to unpack this in her own time.

For now she focused on the test in front of her.

Maverick Station… Whatever a maverick is.

She considered asking Pearl or Marina but she knew she was going to get real sick of both of their voices by the end of this test.

Eight scanned her CQ-80 and lept inside.

And fell flat on her face.

Panicked yells were heard from the two outsiders but Eight ignored them.

She grumbled slightly before noticing the extra weight on her back.

An inkpack!

She looked around.

Drums for moving platforms.

And bottomless pits.

Inkjets can only stay in the air for a short period of time. She didn’t know why, it wasn't her job to use the inkjet in missions.

So she would need to keep solid ground under her at all times, barring a jump or two.

She can do this!

------------------------------------------------

Well she did it, it was remarkably easy even if the inkpack left ringing in her ears. Or was it Pearl's voice. She swears it could take down an Octostomp.

When she entered the train Michael gestured that he wanted the phone, so here they were.

“I'm worried about your pacing.” Michael said.

“I know, I'm going as fast as I can.” Eight said, why is everyone worrying about her?

“That's just the thing. I’m worried about you getting exhausted.” Michael sighed “You only have one life Eight, don’t toss it by going too fast.”

Eight frowned.

“It’s not just that ethier.” Michael said “with you always doing tests Marina can't program me into your chat.”

He gestured towards a train track.

“There's a bunch of useful tech back there. I think we’ll need to be able to talk to each other down there. Plus the bathroom on the train doesn't have a shower.”

At the mention of a shower Eight felt a little bit grosser. “It might be worth the trip now.”

Michael nodded ”Oh, I noticed that when you feel down those pits you turn into a tiny squid.” Eight cringed slightly, the movement going unnoticed by the human. “That’s a neat skill.”

“What, respawning?”

“Translator didn’t know what word you said, it used “respawning”

“That’s what I said.”

Michael looked over to Eight, confusion clear on his face.

“As in, you die and come back to life?”

“Humans don’t do that?”

“No?!” Michael said, clearly baffled, “if I fell down those pits I would die and then I would just be a corpse on the floor.”

Eight’s brow furrowed “humans are weird.”
“Pfft I’ll say.”

A small, slightly comforting silence passed between them.

Before Michael broke it by asking a question. “So if you're not too tired, I wouldn't mind trying to learn more of your language.”

Eight beamed, “Let's do it.”