Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“What is so important that it couldn’t wait for la-”

His squad is in Echo’s quarters. All of them, even the kid. Crosshair is too shocked to move from the entrance way. He’s imagined this moment for nearly a year.

And now it’s happening, Crosshair thinks.

“Crosshair,” Echo begins. “I called them over. They wanted to see you.” Crosshair turns to face Echo and scrunches his nose.

“It couldn’t wait until we arrived wherever the Shepherd is going?”

“We didn't want to wait!” Omega is the first one to speak. Unfortunately, Eyayah cries out angrily at the sudden loud noise. Crosshair pats her back and twists his hips to settle her nerves.

“Is that your baby?” Omega asks, whispering this time.

“No, I found this baby lounging in the cockpit,” Crosshair retorts. The girl laughs, which is a good sign in Crosshair’s book, that means she can have fun.

“So, uhm…” Omega pats her thigh the same way Tech does when he's nervous. Her eyes flicker to Hunter’s and, once she gets a nod, she looks back at Crosshair. “Are they a boy or a girl?”

“She’s a girl,” Crosshair answers. Omega pumps her fist, then turns to Wrecker.

“I was right! You owe me a chocolate bar,” Omega laughs.

“Aw,” Wrecker grumbles. Crosshair can tell it's all in good fun. He lets himself smirk at the two interacting. Omega comes a little closer to him.

“Have you named her?” She looks up through her eyelashes, as if she’s a little shy. From the guilty looks on his ori’vode’s faces, they must has discouraged her from asking too many questions.

“Of course I did,” Crosshair replies. “I wouldn’t be a proper parent if I didn’t.” Omega smiles, showing her teeth. Crosshair adjusts Eyayah in his arms so she’s facing the older girl. “Her name is Eyayah.”

Omega’s eyes widen as she leans in to get a good look at her niece. Her smile grows.

“Hello Eyayah,” Omega coos. “I’m your ba’vodu! You can call me Omega.” Her hands are twisting together in front of her. Crosshair can tell she’s trying not to touch.

“You can touch her,” Crosshair says. Omega reaches out a finger to stroke Eyayah’s cheek. The baby snuffles and opens her eyes.

“She’s looking at me!” Omega excitedly whispers. Crosshair huffs out a laugh.

“She’s awake now,” Crosshair tells Omega. “You don’t have to whisper, just don’t yell.”

“Yeah,” Omega breaths out, still watching Eyayah observe her surroundings. Omega purses her lips, then locks eyes with Crosshair. “Can I hold her?”

“Sure,” Crosshair nods towards his bunk. “Go sit down.” He has to stifle a laugh as the girl partially sprints to the bunk. She holds his arms out in a manner that suggests she knows how to handle a newborn. Crosshair grabs his pillow and situates it in her lap.

“I’ve held a baby before, Crosshair,” Omega says in a teasing tone.

“Alright, but you’ve never held my baby before, so do what I say.” Crosshair pats the pillow. “Position your arms.” Omega is swinging her legs back and forth in excitement. Once she gets her arms in the right spot, Crosshair lowers Eyayah into her only aunt’s arms.

Omega stills. The hand she has on Eyayah’s bottom begins to pat in a soothing rhythm. The baby is awake and watching Omega. Eyayah begins to wiggle as she does. Crosshair balls his fists so he doesn’t snatch her out of Omega’s arms. However, Omega seems to know what she’s doing and just adapts.

“She's so pretty,” Omega comments, looking back up at Crosshair.

“She has to be with me as a mother,” Crosshair snarks. He hears someone, probably Echo, sigh. Omega finds it funny and giggles. Crosshair’s smirk falls and he turns to address Tech.

“Going to take any photos?”

Tech gives a curt nod and moves to get a good angle. Omega smiles and poses throughout the whole process. Tech backs up to stand next to Hunter and Wrecker again, and Omega brushes a finger through Eyayah’s hair.

“It’s so soft!” She squeals. Crosshair lets a small smile grace his face. He thinks back to a photo 99 had in his little room, tucked away under his bunk so no Long Neck could discover it. The photo is of him. Well, the first time he was introduced to his brothers. Despite being decanted minutes after Tech, Crosshair was not taken to the nursery. Crosshair was a sickly child prone to pneumonia and meningitis. He was kept alone in a separate lab until he was three years old.

Crosshair is sitting in 99’s lap wearing a shy smile. Hunter is standing behind 99 with a finger reaching out for his newest vod’ika. Wrecker is holding onto 99’s arm with a big grin on his face. Tech is also sitting in 99’s lap, but he’s looking at Crosshair with a curious expression on his face.

Thinking of his cadethood makes Crosshair sad. He wants that back, desperately. However, he’s afraid to ask for it.

Start simple, Crosshair tells himself. The girl will be the one to convince the others to connect with you.

Crosshair moves to sit next to Omega on the bunk. He slings an arm around her shoulder to watch Eyayah. Upon seeing her mother, the puppy smiles. Omega gasps loud enough to startle everyone in the room.

“Eyayah is smiling!” Omega’s joy is contagious since Crosshair sees his ori’vode wearing sappy faces at the scene in front of them. “Is this her first smile?”

“Nope,” Crosshair pops the “p”. He grabs his baby’s hand and shakes. “Her first smile was for Mama.” He leans down to press multiple, quick kisses to her hand. Eyayah wiggles in excitement.

“Awe, how cute!” Wrecker says. “I bet she’s always this happy, huh?”

“Yeah,” Echo agrees. “She’s a pretty happy girl. Only time she really had a fit was when I walked away with her.” Echo shakes his head playfully. “Precious girl hates being away from her mother.”

“Happy baby you say?” Hunter asks in a teasing tone. “Where’d she get that from?” Everyone, sans Tech, chuckles at that.

“She got that from Ba’vodu Wrecker.” Crosshair answers. Wrecker makes a choked sound and dabs at his eyes. Crosshair rolls his eyes in response.

“However,” he begins addressing Omega again. “You’re the first ba’vodu she smiled at.” Omega perks up and looks to the others as if to say, “see?”

“Don’t get too cocky, kid,” Wrecker starts. “I’ll get the first laugh.” Hunter and Echo then chime in with the firsts they’ll get to claim. With the attention not on them, Crosshair leans in to talk to Omega alone.

“I’ve never had a little sister before.” He's extending an olive branch he hopes she’ll take.

“I’m older than you,” Omega replies with a cheeky smile.

“Shorter too,” Crosshair teases. “So still younger.” Omega lets out an exaggerated groan. Crosshair chuckles at her dramatic attitude.

Been hanging around Wrecker too much, Crosshair observes.

“I’m glad you’re back, Crosshair,” Omega whispers to him. “I-'' She looks down at Eyayah again to find her words. “I’ve missed you.”

Crosshair purses his lips and nods. With a quick look to make sure no one was watching, he presses a kiss to Omega’s hair. He gets a whiff of her scent. She hasn’t presented yet, so she doesn’t have her own unique scent. But Crosshair can smell all of his ori’vode. She smells like home. While Crosshair is nervous, he’s ready to come home.

“I missed you too.”

Chapter Text

Crosshair is bouncing Eyayah while he walks back and forth in front of the viewport. Eyayah has been crying for the past one and a half. Crosshair is at his wit’s end trying to calm her down. He tried nursing her, changing her, singing to her, talking to her, and scenting her, but nothing was working.

“C’mon ner kar’ta,” Crosshair begs the wailing infant. “Close your eyes and just sleep. Please baby.” Eyayah screeches in response to his pleas.

Crosshair is ready to just lay her down and walk away. But he can’t do that. He wanted a baby for so long, and now that he has one, he’s not going to just leave her. He has lost four babies before her; this is his chance to show the galaxy he is a capable mother. He promised her in the dark, dank cell that was her first home that he would always love her and care for her.

This is just a part of parenting, Crosshair tells himself, but he’s not sure if it’s working. Ik’aads cry. It’s how they communicate.

Eyayah gives a cry that tugs his heartstrings. Crosshair moves her from his shoulder to his chest. He sits down on the ship’s cold metal floors and tugs his shirt up. He hopes if she latches, she’ll fall asleep. Eyayah usually nurses herself to sleep, so maybe that will work.

“Alright, darling,” Crosshair coos. She probably can’t hear him over her crying. “Let’s try this again.” Eyayah latches, Crosshair feels the familiar tug of her eating, then she spits his nipple out to cry. Crosshair growls.

“You’ve been such a sweet girl. What’s got you acting like a brat?” Eyayah’s wailing pauses. Crosshair holds his breath in anticipation. His puppy squirms before taking a deep breath to cry even louder.

“Monster’ika,” Crosshair grumbles at her. “You did that on purpose.”

It seems that she’s content to scream her lungs out, so Crosshair decides to settle for the night. Luckily, he had walked far enough from the barracks to wake anyone. If someone did raise a complaint, he’d break their jaw. He goes back to humming an old song while patting Eyayah’s bottom in a soothing pattern.

What am I doing wrong? Crosshair thinks. I’ve done everything I could do and she’s still crying. He shallows a lump that formed in his throat. I’m sorry, baby.

Eyayah gives out a sob that finally breaks him. He sniffles as he fights back tears pushing against the corners of his eyes. Crosshair pats her bottom just a little more firm as he rocks back and forth.

“Shhhh,” Crosshair shushes. “It’s okay ner kar’ta. I’m here. Mama’s here.” Crosshair’s voice breaks at the end of his sentence. He leans forward to bury his face in his knees so his tears won’t fall on Eyayah. Alongside his daughter, Crosshair weeps.

Between Eyayah’s crying and his own, Crosshair does not hear Wrecker walking over to squat next to him.

“What’s goin’ on vod’ika?” Wrecker asks, voice gentler than Crosshair deserves.

“She won’t stop crying,” Crosshair manages to blubber out. “I’ve done everything I can, but she won’t stop!”

“Well, uh,” Wrecker looks down at his tiny niece. “Let me see her for a second.”

“No!” Crosshair jerks back, clutching Eyayah closer to his breast. Suddnely he’s back on Mount Tantiss, fearing that he'll lose his baby forever. Nightmares of Eyayah’s cries for him getting fainter as she’s taken still haunt his slumber. Wrecker lays his hand on Crosshair’s shoulder.

“I’m not gonna take her anywhere,” Wrecker says. “I figured I could hold her to give you a break.” Crosshair bristles and hisses.

“She’s my ik'aad! I don’t need a break from my own daughter!”

“I know, I know,” Wrecker placates. He looks down at Eyayah again. “How about we all take a walk to the hanger bay? I would love to show Eyayah the Marauder.”

Crosshair let out another wet sob before nodding. Wrecker has to assist him in standing as he’s shaking like a newborn strill. Eyayah’s crying never wavers.

“I haven’t held her yet,” Wrecker shyly tells Crosshair. “Do you mind if I do?” Crosshair wants to say no, but Wrecker’s got that stupid, pathetic look on his face, so he relents.

“Keep her neck steady,” Crosshair rasps out. Wrecker takes Eyayah into his hands with the utmost care. He’s holding her like she’s a live detonator. She has finally ceased crying, but she sniffs miserably which Wrecker aws at. With one hand supporting her head and another on her bottom, Wrecker holds her out to study her.

“Aw man, Cross,” Wrecker muses. “She’s a beauty.”

Crosshair wordlessly nods while he reaches to wipe tears from Eyayah’s face. She opens her eyes and wiggles. She looks at Wrecker in confusion. Her eyes dart over to where Crosshair is leaning on his brother and she smiles.

“Yeah?” Wrecker coos. “You see Mama? He’s still here.”

Crosshair turns his face away and barks out a sob. He hears Wrecker moving then feels his brother’s arm wrap around him.

“C’mon, Cross’ika,” Wrecker sounds sad. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m failing my baby,” Crosshair chokes out. “She’s upset, and I don’t know why!” Crosshair means for that to be all he says, but it’s like a dam has been opened. “I finally get the baby I always wanted, and I’m fucking it up! She was born a prisoner, an experiment. I have nothing to provide her with. She has a broken, traumatized clone as a mother. She deserves better than me!”

Crosshair ends his spill with a harsher cry as he falls into Wrecker’s side. He tightly grips the blacks to ground himself. He buries his face in the familiar material. This reminds him of a time when he was younger.

As a cadet, one of his trainers took a switch to his hands anytime they shook. Crosshair ran to the barracks he shared with his squad to bury himself in his mound of blankets to sob. Wrecker had arrived back just in time to hear Crosshair’s pitiful weeping. He wrapped his baby brother up tight, cuddled him close, and used Lula to reassure him.

Crosshair hopes Wrecker is thinking of that moment as well.

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself,” Wrecker tells him. Wrecker slowly sits them down to sit next to each other. “Eyayah obviously adores you.” Crosshair still has his face hidden in Wrecker's shirt as he shakes his head. “Yeah she does. Watch.”

Crosshair lifts his head. Wrecker moves the wiggling baby up so she’s at Crosshair’s eyeline. Eyayah stops her wiggling to smile. Crosshair feels his lip warble. He reaches up so his baby can grip his finger.

“See?” Wrecker asks. “It doesn’t matter if you feel inadequate, Eyayah will always love you and look up to you.”

Crosshair uses his arm to wipe his face. Eyayah squeals out a cry for mother-milk-warmth. She is doing her best to reach for her mother, but Crosshair would never be out of her reach. Wrecker deposits the puppy back into his brother’s arms. When Crosshair goes to lift his shirt to feed her, he realizes he’s been exposed this entire time.

“You didn’t think to inform me my tit was hanging out for the galaxy to see?” Crosshair cuts his eyes at Wrecker. His ori’vod’s eyes widen and he rubs the back of his neck.

“I didn’t want to embarrass you,” Wrecker looks at the floor to answer his question. Crosshair laughs, actually laughs. That has Wrecker falling into his own fit of laughter. The brothers are gripping one another while trying to catch their breath. Eyayah roots against Crosshair’s breast which brings his attention back to her.

“Do you want me to go away?” Wrecker asks in a shy little voice.

“No,” Crosshair is quick to respond. He gets Eyayah comfortable, brushes her hair from her face, and settles her to feed. He waits with bated breath as she starts to nurse. Once she huffs tiredly around his nipple, does Crosshair relax.

“Does that hurt?” Wrecker is looking over Crosshair’s shoulder.

“Nah,” Crosshair says. “It’s relaxing for me and her. Helps us bond.” Eyayah has her eyes open watching her mother and ba’vodu. Crosshair strokes her cheek to comfort her. Her eyes slip closed, but her mouth never slows.

Crosshair can’t bring himself to look up at Wrecker. He is ashamed and embarrassed about his outburst. He struggles to find the right words. So he does something he rarely does.

“I’m sorry,” Crosshair whispers, still not taking his eyes off Eyayah.

“There’s nothin’ to be sorry for ya know?” Wrecker wraps his arm around his vod’ika again. “I love you when you’re happy and when you’re not. You’re my brother.” Crosshair sneaks a peek at Wrecker. His eyes are welling up with tears. Crosshair takes the hand not securing Eyayah and holds it out for Wrecker to take. Crosshair then rubs his jaw on Wrecker’s wrist, scenting him.

“Now do me,” Crosshair whispers. The moment feels too intimate for anything above a mummer. Wrecker playfully rubs his cheek against Crosshair’s. Crosshair groans to act the part, but he knows his happy scent betrays his put-on upset. Wrecker laughs quietly. He sobers up.

“I’m glad your back,” Wrecker places his head on top of Crosshair’s. “I thought I’d never get to see you again…” Wrecker’s voice cracks. Crosshair shushes him like he does Eyayah.

“Let’s not dwell on all that,” Crosshair gestures to his baby. “Let’s imagine all that we’ll do together with her.”

“I want to teach her how to fish,” Wrecker says. “I’ve gotten good at it.”

“She can’t fish for a while.”

“Well then, I’ll teach her to crawl. I’ll be the first one she crawls to!”

“Fat chance. She’ll crawl to Mama first. Won’t you ner kar’ta?”

Crosshair finds himself leaning more into Wrecker’s side as they talk. Their conversation is filled with teasing and taunting. Just like old times.

Echo finds them the following morning. Crosshair tucked under Wrecker’s chin, Wrecker’s arm secured around his vod’ika, and Eyayah nestled in her mother’s arms. The three of them sound asleep.

Chapter Text

“Oh take this veil from off my eyes, my burning sun will someday rise…”

Crosshair sings along with the datapad as he nurses Eyayah in the nest he’s made. The Shepherd made a stop to refuel on Behpour, so Crosshair was taking some time to be alone. As much as the isolation and loneliness of The Empire haunts him, he still values his time to be by himself.

Omega and Wrecker were ecstatic to explore, Tech wanted to study local flora, and Echo was needed by Rex in assisting the refueling. At first, Echo was hesitant to leave Crosshair. He has been two steps behind Crosshair all of the time and it was beginning to grate his nerves, so Crosshair told Echo to fuck off in the politest way possible.

Now without someone looming over his shoulder, Crosshair is reading through the mission reports. Something he discovered is that he’s been imprisoned for longer than he first realized. He had been experimented on Mount Tantiss for a little over thirteen months.

Thirteen months.

One of Crosshair’s enhancements is photographic memory, yet Mount Tantiss is a foggy blur. Between the drugs and assaults, he’s got gaps in his memory that make him uncomfortable, the not knowing

He used to hallucinate on Mount Tantiss as well. Sometimes he saw his brothers, sometimes 99, and one time he was visited by his dead baby. That one was probably the worst. He was strapped down to the examination table and could hear the baby crying for him. He couldn’t move to go get them. When Hemlock was done with him, he was taken to his cell, but the hallucination continued. Crosshair could see his baby, but every time he would reach them, they would disappear.

Eyayah gurgles which brings his attention back to her. He rubs her back until she unlatches with a smack of her lips, then drapes one of Echo’s shirts over his shoulder to burp her. Going back to the datapad, Crosshair finds files recovered from Mount Tantiss. One has his number. His finger wavers over it, shaking, and he presses it.

At first, it’s just his physical description and list of injuries from his time on the platform. Then the report details the extensive list of drugs he was injected with. Crosshair pauses when he finds a note written by Hemlock himself.

CT-9904 is hesitant to reveal the location of the rest of Clone Force 99. Pelvic ultrasounds have revealed that CT-9904 has been pregnant before. Said pelvic ultrasounds also indicate multiple miscarriages. With this information in mind, one can conclude that CT-9904 has attempted reproduction in the past, but has failed. This could be due to sexual partners, environmental factors, or underlying health issues. However, after conducting several tests, I came to the conclusion that CT-9904 has no health issues that would contribute to a spontaneous abortion. I propose that we exploit CT-9904’s weakness in order to obtain the information we desire. It will take time, but once we give CT-9904 what he has always wanted, we can use them for leverage. CT-9904 is stubborn and uncooperative, with this in mind, I suggest we start with more brutal, natural methods. No physical assault as we need CT-9904’s body to be-

Crosshair throws the datapad across the room and watches it crack upon landing. The music sputters then dies out. He’s violently trembling, eyes darting around the room as if Hemlock and his guards will appear out of thin air.

He’s dead, Crosshair reminds himself. He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead. You saw it happen.

Recovering from the shock of an abrupt, loud, noise, Eyayah cries out in fear. Crosshair rubs his cheek against hers to scent her. He bounces her in his arms as he mutters apologies.

“I’m sorry, ner kar’ta,” Crosshair says. “Mama didn’t mean to. We’re okay.” Her crying dies down to sad, little warbles. Crosshair moves her so he can look at her and huffs. She’s looking at him with an expression he can only describe as pissed.

“You be careful,” Crosshair laughs, leaning down to kiss her little nose. “Your beautiful face could be stuck like that.”

“That never stopped you.”

Crosshair looks up to frown at Hunter. He’s leaning against the doorway with a small smile on his face.

“I’m warning her about what happened to Ba’vodu Hunter,” Crosshair sneers back. “Just so she knows why you look so hideous.” Hunter scoffs in offense as he rolls his eyes. He walks into the room and sits on Echo’s makeshift cot. Crosshair was offered his own quarters, but declined since he didn’t want to be too far from his ori’vod. A cot was brought in for him, but Echo refused for “a new mother” to sleep on it.

“We need to talk,” Hunter says. He’s got that serious look on his face when he’s about to delve into uncomfortable territory.

Damn, Crosshair thinks as he settles Eyayah into a pile of blankets to keep her secure. I was hoping to avoid this for a little longer.

“Is this why you're not out there?” Crosshair asks.

“Yeah..” Hunter runs his hand on the back of his neck. He clears his throat, leans on his thighs so he can be closer to Crosshair, and speaks. “How did you end up on Mount Tantiss?”

Instead of looking Hunter in the eye, Crosshair chooses to watch Eyayah fiddle with the blanket. He takes a deep breath in, then releases it.

“After Kamino, I was stranded on that platform for thirty-two rotations,” he sees Hunter look down in guilt which makes him feel a bit justified. “I had nothing. You took my firepuncher. All I had was the armor on my back. I often found myself wishing for a blaster to end it all for good.”

Hunter makes a choked noise in the back of his throat. Crosshair continues.

“It was Admiral Rampart himself who came for me. Him and some other natborns landed to retrieve me. A lucky coincidence I guess.” Crosshair looks away from his puppy and at Hunter. “On that shuttle, heading towards the cruiser to take us back to Coruscant, Rampart told me clones were being phased out. They hadn’t expected to find any survivors after Tipoca City, much less a clone. Rampart said I was useless.”

Crosshair swallows hard for this next part.

“Rampart said ‘Your squad left you here? I suppose loyalty is only reserved for certain squads. It appears that not only are you useless to the Empire, but to your brothers as well.’ And he was right.”

“Cross-”

“The trooper to my left had a gimpy leg. A swift kick was all it took to get their blaster out. Rampart was dead before he hit the ground.”

“Then you woke up on Mount Tantiss?” Hunter finishes for him.

“Yeah,” Crosshair confirms. He goes back to watching Eyayah. She’s gurgling which helps break the tension a little as Crosshair continues. “I knew what Rampart said was true long before he verbalized it. But hearing it out loud…”

“Cross’ika,” Hunter breathes out. “You were never useless to us.”

“Oh!” Crosshair stands to look down at Hunter. “It didn’t take you long to replace me with some kid! You all moved on pretty quick!”

“We wanted you to join us on Kamino!” Hunter shoots to his feet. “You were the one who decided to stay on that platform!”

“THE DECISION WAS MADE FOR ME WHEN YOU ALL POINTED YOUR FUCKING BLASTERS AT ME AFTER I SAVED THAT KID YOU LOVE MORE THAN ME!”

That shocks Hunter into silence. Crosshair is sending a death glare his way despite the tears in the corner of his eyes. Hunter’s expression matches, tears and all. It’s only when Hunter’s eyes flick away that Crosshair registers Eyayah’s screaming.

Crosshair is quick to take her in his arms. He cradles her gently to his breast and sways back and forth. Despite his anger and grief, Crosshair is attempting to pour as much love and comfort in his scent for her. He begins singing in hopes to calm her.

“There’s somethin’ in the wind, I can feel it blowin’ in…”

Crosshair gets through three-fourths of the song before Eyayah stops crying. She’s looking up at him again with a much happier expression. He leans down to kiss her forehead, her eyelids, her nose, then kisses the side of her neck to make her happily squirm. He’s so caught up in her that Hunter has to clear his throat to get his attention.

“I’m sorry,” Hunter sounds so small. “I’m so sorry we weren’t there for you. Do you think-” Hunter lets out a shaky breath. “Do you think you could ever forgive us?”

Crosshair takes his eyes off his baby to frown at his oldest brother.

“I want to be angry with you. I want to hate you,” Crosshair sneers. “I’m too tired to be angry anymore.” He purses his lips. “I’ve had time to reflect. I needed to be needed. After the chip was removed, I had a purpose with the Empire.” Crosshair closes his eyes to hide his emotions. “All I ever was was a weapon.”

Hunter wraps his arms around his vod’ika. He brings a hand to Crosshair’s hair to run his fingers through it. He pulls back to grip Crosshair’s shoulders and look him in the eye.

“You were always more than a weapon. You’re an ad’ika, a vod’ika, a friend, and so much more Crosshair,” Hunter looks devastated. His eyes flick downwards and his face softens. “You’re a buir now too. A mother.”

Crosshair nods, trying to keep the tears from flowing. Hunter brings a hand to his cheek and rubs his thumb across his cheek.

“Eyayah isn’t the only one who needs you,” Hunter says. “I need you, Cross’ika. I need my baby brother.”

Crosshair breaks down into sobs. His worst fears and deepest insecurities being thrown out into the open is distressing, but his ori’vod is here to help. Hunter presses Crosshair into a keldabe kiss that lasts minutes while the two brothers attempt to dry their eyes. They split to look at each other.

Hunter’s face is red and his eyes wet. He’s smiling now, but hiccuping through his own sobs. Crosshair wipes his face and grabs Hunter’s hand. He scents Hunter the way he scented Wrecker the other night. Hunter returns the favor without having to be asked.

“I forgive you,” Crosshair whispers. “However, you will have to make it up to me.”

Hunter laughs. “Anything, I’m serious,” he declares. “Anything to make it up to you.”

“Well first,” Crosshair holds Eyayah out towards Hunter. “I’m incredibly tired as breastfeeding someone every two hours is taking its toll on me. Mind watching her while I nap?”

Hunter doesn’t hold out his arms, but stiffens them instead. He looks terrified at the thought of holding Eyayah. Crosshair lets out a belly laugh; he looks down to address his daughter.

“See?” He coos at her. “Told you Ba’vodu Hunter would be nervous to hold you.”

“When did you tell her that?” Hunter asks, looking incredulous.

“Not a lot to do on Mount Tantiss,” Crosshair starts. “I spent my days talking and singing to ner kar’ta. I thought she should know about her uncles.” He peeks through his eyelashes to gauge Hunter’s reaction. He got a stupidly sappy look.

“What did you tell her about me?”

“How bad you smell,” Crosshair is quick to fire back. Hunter scoffs and shakes his head. Tentatively, he reaches out to take Eyayah into his own arms.

“Well I have to prove you wrong,” Hunter says nervously. “Mama can’t always be right.” He coos that to his niece.

“You can sit down if you’d like,” Crosshair suggests.

Hunter does so. He even grabs the pillow to put it in his lap like Omega did the first time she held the baby. All other times she carried Eyayah, Crosshair didn’t make her use a pillow. From the look on Hunter’s face, Eyayah will be two before he even thinks about holding her without it.

Crosshair lays her in her uncle’s awaiting arms. She looks from her mother to Hunter then stops to watch him. Hunter shuffles around a bit to get more comfortable, then relaxes to study her as well. Hunter hums.

“She has the same gleam in her eyes as you do Cross,” Hunter observes. “Eyayah looks like you. She’s got most of your features.”

“Thankfully,” Crosshair huffs. Hunter’s expression falls.

“I’m sorry that-”

“Don’t bother,” Crosshair cuts him off. “I love my baby.”

“I can tell,” Hunter nods. “She loves you too, ya know? I’ve noticed every time she sees, hears, or smells you her heartbeat increases. She smells happier when you’re around too.”

Crosshair simply hums because he’s sure any words would come out with a sob.

I’m doing good, Crosshair reassures himself.

“Oo,” Hunter looks up to Crosshair. “I wanted to warn you as well. The boys found a baby parlor on Behpour, and it looks like Eyayah will be getting plenty of gifts.”

Crosshair groans as he puts his head in his hands.

“C’mon, Cross,” Hunter chuckles. “You had to have known she was going to be spoiled.”

Crosshair shakes his head as he bends to speak to Eyayah.

“I’m off to nap ner kar’ta,” he tells her, kissing her cheek. “You behave.”

“Yeah right,” Hunter smirks. “With you as a mother, she’ll be causing trouble in no time.” He looks down at Eyayah. “Won’t you big girl?”

Crosshair scrunches his nose at the baby talk, but since Hunter is making his own progress in confronting his fears, he lets it slide.

Crosshair feels he’s making progress with everyone.

Expect Tech.

Chapter Text

“Well how about Tatooine?” Mayday asks, his smoky voice making Crosshair’s insides curl delightfully. “Ever been to Tatooine?”

“Ugh,” Crosshair replies. “That hellhole?” Mayday laughs at his remark which has Crosshair swelling with pride.

I made him laugh.

Crosshair is sitting on his bunk relaxing while chatting with Mayday on his comm. He’s put Eyayah in her new bouncer and is using his foot to bounce her up and down gently. The bouncer is one of her many new presents. Upon departing from Behpour, Crosshair was bombarded with several clones giving him things for Eyayah.

Omega had found a smaller tooka doll colored white and purple, saying that Eyayah needed her own Lula. Wrecker bought several outfits that Eyayah could probably only wear once before she outgrew them. However, they were darling and Crosshair is impressed that Wrecker managed to get clothes that were actually fashionable. Crosshair’s personal favorite was the onesie with cutesy nexus printed on it. Echo had gifted the mother daughter pair a rocker. It took Hunter, Wrecker, and Echo nearly six hours, and plenty of cursing, to build it.

Eyayah also received pacifiers, bottles, teething rings, swaddles, soft books, mirrors, diapers, burp cloths, and Crosshair himself was presented with a breast pump. However, no one would fess up as to who bought it. (He’s pretty sure it’s Hunter. His ori’vod has been complaining that Wrecker and Omega whine about not being able to hold or play with Eyayah as much as they would like. When Hunter had the time to buy that, he has no clue.)

Although Crosshair won’t tell anyone, Mayday gifted them his favorite gift of all. Mayday gifted Eyayah a pastel purple quilt with her name delicately embroidered in white on the corner.

“All right then, Tatooine’s out,” Mayday hums in thought. “Ever been to Naboo?”

Crosshair freezes as his heart drops. Naboo is his first baby’s forever resting place. For months after, no one could mention the planet without Crosshair getting choked up and walking off. It still hurts thinking of that planet he previously had no connection to. The lush, beautiful planet is now a painful reminder of what he lost. What he couldn’t save.

“Crosshair?” Mayday asks, slight concern in his voice. “Are you still there?”

Crosshair gulps before bringing the comm back up to his lips.

“Yes,” he shakily exhales. “I have been to Naboo.” He pauses to gather his breath and go back to bouncing Eyayah. “It wasn’t a pleasant experience.”

“Ah,” Mayday speaks. “What if I took you to Naboo and we made a better memory for you?”

“That sounds…delightful,” Crosshair manages to say. He checks in on Eyayah who's focused on the toys dangling above her and the melody coming from the bouncer. “As long as Eyayah is invited as well.”

“Of course,” Mayday replies. “I need her to like me since I plan to court her mother.”

Crosshair covers his blushing face with his hand as he sappily smiles. He hasn’t felt his giddy since- well ever really. No one ever attempted to court him before, they were just interested in sex. Crosshair never really minded, well maybe a little, but those partners weren’t mate worthy.

I’ll give Mayday a chance to court me, Crosshair thinks. Prove himself to be a worthy mate.

“I’m flattered,” Crosshair smirks. “I’ve heard that the symph-” Crosshair’s datapad dings with a message that pulls away his attention. It’s from Hunter.

Could you please stop by the Marauder? I need your help with something.

Crosshair sighs. “I’ve got to go,” he tells Mayday. “My brothers need me for…something asinine I bet.”

“Oh,” Mayday sounds disappointed. “I guess I’ll let you go then. I need to impress your family as well.”

“I don’t care what they think of you,” Crosshair replies. “I’m the only one who has a say as to who I let court me.”

“Yes, that is true,” Mayday huffs out a laugh. “However you have three alphas, a beta, and a very persistent little girl in your corner. I’d rather not take my chances.”

“I suppose,” Crosshair rolls his eyes. “Talk to you later?”

“I’ll see you later, gorgeous,” Mayday signs out.

Cursing Hunter for cutting his time with Mayday short, Crosshair packs Eyayah’s diaper bag with enough supplies to last however long Hunter needs him for. He lifts her from the bouncer, shushes her disgruntled whine, then settles her in a wrap against his chest.

Crosshair has to stop every now and then on his way to the Hanger Bay by clones stopping to coo at Eyayah and ask how he’s doing. He answers fine and watches them fawn over his baby before continuing his journey. The Hanger Bay is pretty empty when he arrives, only a handful of regs attending to the multiple ships. Hunter is standing next to the ramp. He jogs over to him.

“How are you feeling?” Hunter puts an arm around Crosshair’s shoulder.

“I hope whatever bullshit you need me for is worth it,” Crosshair snarls. “I was in the middle of a very important conversation.”

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Hunter shakes his head. “This is important as well.” He takes a peak at Eyayah tucked close to her mother’s chest and smiles at her. “Hi, baby!” He’s using that baby voice Crosshair can’t stand. “Have you been good today, huh? I know she has. She’s a sweet girl for her Mama!”

“Alright,” Crosshair interrupts, smirk gracing his lips. “Let’s get this over with.”

Hunter leads Crosshair in. Crosshair silently apologizes to Eyayah for the rancid smell. Hunter ushers them into the cockpit where Tech is hunched over his datapad. Upon entering, Tech stands up and moves to leave; however, Hunter stops him.

Tech is roughly shoved back down into his seat. Hunter bends down so his nose is only centimeters from Tech’s.

“Talk.”

Hunter turns to walk out before he stops, twists to face Tech again, and says, “That’s an order.”

The silence that follows once the ramp to the Marauder closes is deafening. Crosshair is staring right at his twin, who is doing a fantastic job pretending he’s not there.

Guess I’ll have to start this off, Crosshair thinks as he rolls his eyes.

“I suppose there is a reason you’ve been avoiding me, yes?” Crosshair begins. Tech still does not look at him. “Dammit Tech, just tell me what’s going on in that brain of yours.”

Tech’s eyes finally lock onto his. He sighs, clears his throat, then lays his datapad on the copilot’s seat. He swivels the chair to properly face Crosshair.

“I read the files Dr. Hemlock and others had written about you,” Tech says.

“Alright,” Crosshair answers, a bit confused. “And what about it?”

“I am aware of the goings on in the galaxy. What omegas, women, and children suffer through at the hands of cruelty,” He pauses to study his hands. “Realizing it happened to someone you hold dear is…troubling.”

Oh, Crosshair thinks. That’s what this is about.

Crosshair crosses the cockpit to sit in the copilot’s seat. He turns it to face his twin.

“It’s over now,” Crosshair tells him. “I probably think about less than you do.”

A lie. Whenever Crosshair closes his eyes and feels hands squeezing and pinching him. He can no longer sleep on his stomach. He cried for hours after he was inspected by a medic. While he once loved being in the dark, eyes being able to fully rest, now he cannot rest without a small light. It was too quiet there, so now he has music playing constantly to remind him where he is.

He has lost so much of himself.

Tech cuts his eyes at him in a way to suggest he doesn’t believe his vod’ika.

“Maybe…” Tech trials off. “You will be attending sessions with a mind healer. No ifs, ands, or buts.”

“Yes, Echo,” Crosshair rolls his eyes. Echo has already drilled that Crosshair will be undergoing therapy no matter what he personally thought about the matter. Crosshair looks Tech dead in the eye. “You’re lying.”

“Excuse me?” Tech’s eyebrows jump, a give away that he is lying.

“You have never had issues dealing with topics like…that,” Crosshair begins. “You were always the one coming to me to discuss the uncomfortable.” Tech looks at the ground. That only angers him more.

“You need to be more aware of your surroundings, Crosshair. Not everyone has your best intentions in mind.” Crosshair is now mocking his twin’s voice. “Omegas face greater chances of sexual assault, one out of four to be precise.” Crosshair’s tone is getting icier. “Stillbirths happen Crosshair. It is not a reflection of you, just a tragedy.” Crosshair feels tears leaking out of his eyes. “Perhaps you should take a break from trying to get pregnant. Your mental health is beginning to deteriorate. I am concerned for you Crosshair!”

Crosshair ends his little rant by curling in on himself and sobbing. He had been doing well in hiding how hurt he truly was until now. Tech would be the one to break down those barriers.

Damn him.

Crosshair stays in that position for a while. Just crying into his arms, wiping furiously to not let any tears on Eyayah. She’s got her eyes trained on him, cooing and grunting at him. Crosshair likes to think that when she does that, she’s telling him he’s not alone.

“Cross’ika,” Tech interrupts the sobbing. He places his hand on Crosshair’s knee. “I am not lying when I say that I am troubled by what happened to you. However, you are correct. I am distracting myself from confronting what is really bothering me.”

Crosshair sniffs, then lifts his head up. “Yeah?” He hates how little he sounds.

“I am having trouble understanding,” Tech says.

“Understanding what?” Crosshair asks. “The logistics of it?” Tech never had issues understanding things, especially when it came to his twin. In fact, Tech was often the only one who understood Crosshair.

“No. I-” Tech cuts himself off. His eyes flick quickly to Eyayah snuggles against her mother’s chest using her fingers to explore his shirt. It was quick, but Crosshair caught it.

“What don’t you understand about my daughter?” Crosshair asks, vitriol dripping from his voice.

“How you can love her,” Tech bluntly states. “I have sat and pondered how you could be so affectionate and caring towards her when she is a constant reminder of your multiple rapes. At first, I thought it would not last for long after your recuse, but that hypothesis has proven to be incorrect as it has been a month since your departure from Mount Tantiss and you are still devoted to her.” Tech raises his finger. “My current hypothesis is that since you have lost four infants before, you are grateful to finally have one to hold. Grateful enough, in fact, that you can ignore her malicious conception.”

“You bitch,” Crosshair snarls, fangs bared at his twin. He stands and grabs Tech’s breastplate to lift him from the pilot’s seat. “I love Eyayah because she is my daughter. My baby. She is perfect to me. Unlike you, I can differentiate between her and Mount Tantiss. I love all of my babies- the three I lost in the womb and Meshurok- '' Saying his stillborn’s name out loud causes him to choke up. “I love Eyayah, and I would love her even if I hadn’t lost my other babies.”

Crosshair lets out a deep breath and lets go of his brother. Tech remains standing, eyes full of concern as he watches his vod’ika.

Crosshair sobs out. He takes a deep breath to collect himself. “I know it’s hard and you haven't known her for as long as I have, but-” Crosshair cuts himself off. “I love her so much. You don’t get it. I felt her move within me, I bore her, and I feed her with my body. Don’t think-” He sobs out.

He looks up at his twin. Eyes red and puffy, vulnerability openly displayed on his face.

“Don’t look at her and see my assailant,” Crosshair grabs Tech’s hand to place it on Eyayah’s little body. “See me, see us.”

Tech’s focus is solely on Eyayah. The two in some form of staredown with each other. While Eyayah is moving her arm in an attempt to grab Tech’s hand, Tech is still. She gives a gurgle and stretches out with her back raising up. Crosshair chuckles.

“That’s her way of telling you she wants you to hold her,” Crosshair tells his brother. Tech steps back.

“I do not think-”

“Sit down,” Crosshair uses his hand to guide Tech back into the pilot’s chair. “She’s pretty durable.”

Despite Tech’s initial protest, he’s got his arms in the same hold Omega uses and is leaning forward. Crosshair gently moves Eyayah from the wrap into her ba’vodu’s open arms. She grunts again to make her frustration of being moved know, but quiets fairly fast as she looks up to study Tech.

“She is very observant,” Tech talks to himself. “Of both her family and her surroundings. She has your, well I suppose our, eyes. I always found the brown eye phenotype to be unremarkable, but it looks quite lustrous on her.”

Crosshair hums, quietly using his datapad to snap a photo. Tech is so enraptured with his niece he doesn’t even notice. He’s talking to her the way he talks to everyone else, but his voice is softer. The way he would talk to Crosshair when they were young after the baby brother would crawl into Tech’s bunk after a nightmare.

“It is nice to finally meet you Miss Eyayah,” Tech grabs her tiny hand with care. “I apologize for my previous actions and behaviors, I can assure you, it is nothing against you. You are my brother’s daughter, my niece, I was foolish in thinking I would not have a deep regard for you as well.” Tech looks at Crosshair when he says that last sentence. Crosshair nods to show that he forgives him.

“You remember how 99 said we used to sigh after eating when we were ik’aads?” Crosshair asks, corner of his mouth twitching.

“Yes,” Tech answers. “I can assume Eyayah does the same thing?”

“Yeah,” Crosshair replies. He reaches to wiggle her foot. “She does the same thing.” He sings to her.

“Next time she is done eating, you will have to record it for me,” Tech voices.

“I brought a bottle and it’s getting close for her to eat again,” Crosshair motions to the diaper bag. “Would you like to feed her?”

“Yes.” Tech’s response is instant. Crosshair vocally laughs as he goes to prepare her bottle. He brings over the bottle and a burp cloth. “You got it?” He asks, holding out the materials.

“Of course I do,” Tech settles Eyayah on his thighs. A blush graces his features. “After you expressed desires for your own children, I spent time in the nurseries in order to gain more knowledge on infants and how to care for them.” With both Tech and Eyayah comfortable, he offers her the bottle. “I am certified in CPR for infants as well.”

“Good to hear,” Crosshair rolls his eyes.

They sit together watching Eyayah eat and talk to each other. It borders on banter and Crosshair finally feels as though the bridge splitting him and his twin has been mended.

“Look at that Miss Eyayah,” Tech says. “You have finished the entire bottle. I am proud of this accomplishment.”

Eyayah has yet to not finish a bottle, Crosshair thinks.

Tech puts her on his shoulder and begins to burp her. He looks back at Crosshair. “I have also procured a gift for you and Eyayah.”

“You did?” Tech was not a gift-giver. He was more of an acts of service kind of guy. “What’d you get us?”

Tech stands up and wanders over to the back of the cockpit. He opens the compartment that holds some tools and mismatched spare parts. He pulls out a present carefully wrapped in light red paper.

“Here you are,” Tech presents the gift. “I suppose this gift is more for you than her, but it has to do with her.” Tech sits back down and looks away.

He’s shy, Crosshair rolls his eyes again. He braces himself to pretend to love whatever’s wrapped in there. Tech was never really good at gifts.

Peeling back the wrapping paper, Crosshair pauses. It is a book of sorts.

If this di’kut got me a book on parenting, I’ll choke him.

It is not a parenting book. The cover is a plain pastel red with the words, “My Baby’s Keepsakes” written in silver. Upon opening the book, Crosshair finds the pages to be blank, but titles adorning the top of the pages. Titles such as “my tiny feet” and “my first outfit.” There is a page dedicated to “my family” as well. Crosshair feels himself choking up at the sentimental gift.

Damn hormones.

“I love it,” Crosshair swallows the lump threatening to overwhelm him. “Thank you.”

“You are very welcome,” Tech replies, smiling. “I do know that you may not have somethings the keepsake book prompts, but-”

“I actually kept her first outfit,” Crosshair interrupts. “Sounds silly, but I couldn’t part with it.”

“I do not find that to be silly,” Tech responds. “Of course you will find her firsts to be dear to your heart.”

Crosshair nods.

“Crosshair,” Tech whispers. “I am not sure if the others have asked you yet, but…would you be open to living with us on Pabu?”

Omega had been badgering him nonstop about that little settlement. She’s gone on about the ocean, food, and people long enough Crosshair feels like he already lives there.

“I think I could live there.”

“Good,” Tech firmly says. Then softer, “good.”

Eyayah burps and is transferred back to Crosshair’s arms. He cradles her close to his chest and coos. “How does Pabu sound ner kar’ta? Hm? Mama thinks we’ll be happy there.” He offers his hand to Tech, who grips it firmly. “We’ll never be alone in the quiet again.”

Crosshair is sure of it.