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Chapter Text

Cere gasped for air, the burning need to fill her lungs driving her actions before she was even fully conscious. The air caught in her throat, setting off a violent coughing fit. She choked and gasped as water ran from her lungs but she struggled to draw breath. Weakly, she tried to roll onto her side. Hands on her back helped her move, supporting her so she could concentrate on getting air into her lungs. She coughed again, salty water trickling from her mouth to pool on the floor.

She sucked in a heaving, ragged breath, some of the haze clearing from her mind even as she continued to cough and gag. “You’re alright Cere,” Greez said, rubbing her back. She opened her eyes then to see she was lying on the floor of the Mantis facing the hull. Greez must be sat behind her since she couldn’t see him.

For a brief moment, there was calm while Cere regained her bearings. She was lying on the floor in the common area, the blue of hyperspace flashing through the viewports above. They’d done it. They’d escaped the fortress and the Sith Lord, and as far as she knew Cal still had the holocron.

“Cal,” she croaked, her voice sounding like gravel in her throat. The last thing she remembered was trying to hold back the Sith Lord’s bleeding lightsaber with nothing but the Force and sheer willpower. Cal had been with her, but she must have blacked out as soon as her concentration faltered. She had no memory of what came after or of how she got here.

“He’s… he’s here too,” Greez said, a distinct shakiness to his voice. In the background she could hear Merrin chanting, though the words remained indecipherable. She sounded desperate, an edge of fear clinging to the words. She couldn’t hear Cal.

Despite the deep ache permeating her body, Cere pushed herself upright on shaking arms. “Hey, take it easy,” Greez said, his hands moving to support her back. Her head swam, vision blurring. She had to take a few seconds to breathe through it, waiting for the disorientation to ease.

When it did, she looked over to where she could hear Merrin. She was kneeling on the floor less than a meter away, her back to Cere. Green light swirled around her hands as she weaved them through the air. On the floor before her lay Cal, pale and motionless. BD was standing by his head, chirping nervously.

Cere’s heart leapt into her throat. “Cal!” she croaked. For a horrible moment she thought he was dead, but she instinctively reached out to him through the Force as she crawled across the floor to get to his side. She could feel him in the Force, but his presence was faint, fading by the second. She tried to hold on to him, to guide him back to his body but he was too weak.

She pressed her trembling fingers against his neck, feeling for a pulse. There wasn’t one.

“He’s not breathing,” she said roughly.

“I know,” Merrin said, her eyes still glowing. “I am doing what I can.”

Cere didn’t know what exactly what exactly she was doing but dared not interfere. She knew how to administer CPR, but she was far too weak to be able to do it effectively. She trusted Merrin’s ability, but that didn’t make sitting and waiting any easier.

She took Cal’s freezing hand, holding it in both of hers. She pressed it to her lips, willing what little warmth her skin held to seep into his. She continued to reach out to him in the Force, willing him to come back to them.

She was faintly aware of Greez standing beside her, his hand resting on her shoulder. “Come on Cal,” he said.

With nothing to do but hope, Cere’s eyes scanned over Cal’s prone form. A large hole had been burnt through his harness, the wound beneath several centimeters deep, swirling with green magick as Merrin did her best to heal him.

The sight of Cal lying prone back in the fortress as the Sith drove his own lightsaber into his chest flashed across her mind. She doubted she would forget again, the image sure to haunt her nightmares for years to come.

“Come on Cal. Come back to us,” she thought, projecting her will into the Force as his essence continued to slip away.

Just as Cere was beginning to think Merrin wasn’t going to be able to save Cal, she felt his presence flare in the Force as he tried to suck in a breath. He began coughing and between the three of them they rolled him onto his side to help him expel the water in his lungs. Cere gave him a few hard slaps on the back to help him cough it all up.

He was alive, if not awake. They let out a collective sigh of relief, but this was far from over. Cere took a better look at the stab wound in his chest now the immediate danger was over. It was hard to tell, but it looked as though Merrin had been able to heal much of the damage, the wound nowhere near as deep as it had been.

“I did what I could,” she said, breathing hard from exertion.

“You’ve done amazingly,” Cere said. “Greez, help me get all this off him, then we can move him to the sofa.” There was no way they’d manage to carry him all the way to the engine room, so the sofa would have to do for now.

“I will get the medkit,” Merrin said, getting up to go to the fresher where it was kept. While she was gone, Cere and Greez got to work stripping Cal of his sodden clothes. The harness was the hardest part. Cere’s hands were shaky and numb from a combination of cold and adrenaline. It took all of her concentration just to keep a grip on the slippery buckles. While Greez wasn’t struggling quite as much, she could still see the slight tremor in his hands. Between them they finally got it undone and pulled it away.

“I have it,” Merrin announced, coming back down the steps from the galley. “I also grabbed some towels.”

“Put them here,” Cere said, pointing to the space beside her. She didn’t miss the way Merrin swayed a little as she straightened back up. “You should get some rest.”

“I want to help,” she insisted, her eyes flicking down to Cal.

“You’ve already done more than we could without you. Go, Greez and I have him.”

“Will you get me if something happens?” she asked, fear tinging the words.

“Of course. But you’re magick can only help if you’re rested enough to use it,” Cere pointed out gently, hoping to nudge her towards sleep.

Merrin contemplated her words for a moment before giving a nod. “Very well. I shall see you when I wake.” She gave Cal a lingering glance before turning and heading back up the steps.

Greez waited until the door to her and Cere’s shared cabin slid closed before speaking. “Don’t you think this would be easier with more people?” he asked, gesturing to Cal.

“Perhaps, but I’d rather spare him the embarrassment unless it was absolutely necessary. We can manage between us.”

“Fair enough,” he said. “So, how are we going to do this?”

“I can lift him up if you take his clothes off.”

“Can do.”

Cere started by carefully sitting Cal up so that his back rested against her chest, allowing Greez to more easily manoeuvre his arms from his sleeves. The damp didn’t bother her as she was similarly soaked. She tried to suppress her shivering as they worked. BD sat nearby, scanning Cal occasionally and reporting back his vitals and temperature. His heartbeat was steady, as was his breathing but his temperature was concerningly low. He then scanned Cere and reported that she too was slightly hypothermic.

“Thank you for the concern BD, but we need to get Cal seen to before I can do anything.”

“Once he is, you ought to take a hot shower and put something dry on,” Greez said as he worked Cal’s shirt over his head, the damp fabric clinging to his skin.

“I don’t want to leave him,” she said.

“I’ll stay with him. If anything happens I’ll send BD in to get you. How are you feeling anyway?”

“I’ll be alright,” she said, shifting Cal in her arms so that she could grab one of the towels Merrin had left. His exposed chest was an ugly sight. Not only did he have the burn from his lightsaber branding his skin, but the rest of his skin was marred by bruises and old scars. There was nothing else immediately concerning that she could see at least, thank the Force for small mercies.

She gently ran the towel over him, getting him as dry as possible before lying him back down on the floor, using the towel as a makeshift pillow. There was no point in trying to put a shirt on him when they still needed to tend to the wound in his chest. They worked together to get his boots and trousers off before drying him again.

While Cere tended to Cal, Greez disappeared to find something for Cal to wear. She doubted he’d go into his room to find something. They’d agreed early on that they should avoid touching Cal’s things if it could at all be helped in case they left an echo behind. Day to day, that wasn’t too likely, but after something as traumatic as this, they wouldn’t be taking any chances. She hoped there wouldn’t be one left elsewhere on the ship, but at least his room would remain a safe space for him.

Once Cal was as dry as Cere could manage, she turned to the next task. The lightsaber wound needed sterilising. She hated to think what kind of toxic waste the Empire was dumping into the oceans on Nur, but none of it would do Cal any good.

To her credit, Merrin had managed to heal most of the damage, though how much internal damage was healed remained unknown. Cere trusted her though, and if they ran into any complications later on, they could deal with them. For now, Cal was alive and had been given a chance to heal. A wound like this would ordinarily be fatal. The fact that he’d survived it at all was surely only due to the Sith not wanting to kill him outright.

She was just applying a bacta patch to cover the now cleaned wound when Greez returned carrying a blanket and pillow. “Couldn’t find anything that might fit him, but I got one of the spare blankets for him. Just in case.”

“That will do for now. Help me lift him onto the sofa.” Greez put the blanket and pillow down before taking Cal’s legs. Cere lifted him under the arms and together they got him lying on the couch. Cere took the pillow and placed it under his head before tucking the blanket around him.

BD scanned him again, informing them that there was no change to his heartrate or breathing but his temperature was still low. “I know,” she said, patting the droid on the head. “It’ll take time for him to warm up. You keep an eye on him for us, let us know if he starts to get worse.” With a determined beep, BD hopped onto the sofa, taking position by Cal’s head.

With nothing else to do, a wave of exhaustion crashed over Cere, powerful enough that she thought she might collapse. She held on to the table for support, willing herself to stay awake. “You really should go get warmed up,” Greez said, taking her other arm in his hands to support her.

Cere didn’t have the energy to argue but she was still reluctant to let Cal out of her sight. The last time she had, he’d been chased by a Sith Lord, impaled on his own lightsaber and nearly drowned. “Go on, he’s safe with us, right BD?”

BD beeped back, not lifting his head from where he was intently watching Cal. “Shower first, then sleep. We’ll let you know if anything changes.” Greez nudges her in the direction of the steps leading to the rear of the ship. Cere didn’t have the strength to resist, letting the momentum carry her to the refresher.

The entire time she was gone, she held on to Cal’s presence in the Force. He was a bright light in the back of hr mind, reassuring in its steady presence. Even as she finally let herself rest in her bunk, she held on to the knowledge that Cal was just in the other room, safe with his family.

Chapter Text

The tunnel stretched out before him, illuminated in crimson. He could feel the weight of the ocean pressing in on all sides, threatening to crush him beneath its immense weight. He couldn’t let it hold him back though, he had to keep running. If he stopped, if he faltered for even a second he was as good as dead, though death would be a kinder fate.

The steady thud of the Sith Lord’s boots followed close behind, echoing impossibly loud as he stalked after him. Unlike Cal, he wasn’t running, and yet he only seemed to draw closer, the horrible sound of his mechanical breathing getting louder.

Pure fear drove him, though it made little difference. It was like he was stuck in place, running on ice. Perhaps this was some dark, twisted use of the Force, slowing his progress while he desperately tried to escape with every fibre of his being.

Cal risked glancing back only to see the Sith standing right behind him. His heart pounded in his chest, terror making him clumsy. He tripped, tumbling to the floor. He tried to scramble to his feet, but he couldn’t manage it, his body impossibly heavy. The Sith loomed over him, his lightsaber bleeding bright. Cal could do nothing to stop him as he plunged it into his chest, blinding pain ripping through every nerve.

Cal shot bolt upright, soaked in sweat and gasping for air. His hands automatically went to the wound in his side, sending a dull shock of pain when he found it, carefully hidden beneath a bacta patch. He looked around the room, lit only by the blinking lights and panels indicating the engine was running smoothly.

He wasn’t there. He escaped Nur, though he still didn’t entirely recall how. He was on the Mantis, in the engine room. He was safe. BD hopped up on the bed beside him, beeping worriedly. Cal rested his hand on BD’s head, still struggling to slow his breathing. His heart pounded in his chest, his body shaking.

“’m okay,” he gasped, just about getting enough air into his lungs. BD gave an unconvinced whirr but allowed Cal to keep rubbing his head. Cal slowly calmed, taking in slow breaths, careful of the still aching wound in his chest.

Ordinarily he’d try to reach out to the Force and release the residual fear through meditation but with the pain meds he’d been taking making his head feel fuzzy it often felt distant, slipping out of his grasp as he tried to call on it. Instead, he closed his eyes and counted his breaths until fear began to release its hold on him.

Dread began to pool in his stomach the longer he sat in the dark, an icy chill running down his spine. For a while he was frozen in place, a part of his mind convinced that if he moved the room would light up in red. The slightly more awake part of his brain reminded him he was in fact still in the engine room and he and BD were the only ones in there.

“BD, could you get the lights?” he asked, barely above a whisper. BD did as he asked, jumping up from his place at Cal’s side and running over to the switch. The room was flooded with light, bright enough that Cal had to close his eyes against it. He blinked a few times, trying to get his eyes to adjust.

There was nothing in the room, as expected. Finally, the residual fear faded away, letting him breathe a little easier. He was still shaking, but that might have been thanks to his lingering fever more than the nightmare now.

Because getting stabbed by his own lightsaber and drowning wasn’t bad enough, he’d also suffered a thankfully minor infection thanks to Nur’s polluted waters. Luckily it wasn’t something some antibiotics couldn’t fix, but he was only just starting to get over the worst of it.

Now his head was a little clearer, he was acutely aware of how his now sweat damp pyjamas were clinging to him. With a tired sigh, he carefully lifted his shirt over his head, tossing it on the floor. A more violent shiver wracked his body as cool air hit his skin, a chill permeating his bones despite the heat rolling off him.

BD asked if he was alright again, climbing back up on the bed. “Yeah, I’m okay,” he said, meaning it a little more this time. His mind still felt fuzzy and slow, but he was unfortunately wide awake, residual adrenaline still running through his system. He doubted he’d be getting any more sleep tonight.

Not wanting to sit in the engine room with his troubled thoughts all night, he got to his feet with his blanket wrapped around himself like a makeshift poncho. The lights outside his room were dim thanks to the ship’s night cycle, casting much of the short hallway in shadow.

The darkness around the corner taunted him and he almost backed down and went back to bed before shaking his head. He was being ridiculous, there was nothing out there.

To prove it to himself, he stepped out of his room despite the sharp taste of fear on his tongue. BD, perhaps sensing his hesitancy, decided to lead the way. He waited for him at the corner, giving him an encouraging beep. After hesitating only a second longer, Cal stepped out of the safety of his well-lit room and shuffled down the hall.

The corner posed no threat and Cal made it to the kitchen unscathed. The common area felt both like a refuge and a reminder of what had happened, though that was slowly getting better.

When he’d first woken up on the sofa after Nur he’d quickly become aware that something had gone horribly wrong. Cere had explained what happened, that he’d drowned and had needed to be resuscitated. He was grateful for that warning as not long after, he accidentally brushed against an echo that filled him with a foreign sense of fear for his own life.

The lounge had been full of them and despite Cal’s best efforts, he’d ended up picking up more than a few of them. The others had stayed out of his room at least, so that was free from the echoes of his own brief death, but it still wasn’t pleasant. By now enough time had passed that he’d encountered most of them, so he was no longer quite so on edge about it.

He went down the steps and contemplated sitting on the sofa. With the ship as quiet and empty as it was, he couldn’t help but think he’d be an easy target if he sat there. A target for what, he wasn’t sure, but he didn’t like the idea of it. Instead, he got on the floor and scooched himself around until he was in the corner hidden behind the table.

BD didn’t say anything about his odd choice of seating, climbing into his lap without comment to settle down. Cal was convinced he must have been a loth cat in another life the way he liked to snuggle into Cal’s side sometimes. “Thanks for coming with me. I know you were in the middle of charging.”

BD told him he had enough power for the next day at least and would be able to charge more later when Cal was feeling better, or the others were up. He would rather be here with him than let him be alone.

Cal would blame the fever and exhaustion if anyone asked, but tears prickled at his eyes and a lump formed in his throat. “Thanks buddy,” he croaked, affection swelling in his chest. He patted BD’s head as he silently fought back the tears. At least he was being overwhelmed by something pleasant this time.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there in the quiet darkness. He wasn’t even sure what time it was. He could ask BD of course, but he almost liked not knowing. The dark no longer held the same sharp edge of fear as it had when he’d woken up. It was almost comforting now, lulling him to sleep. Of course, sleeping under the table in the lounge was hardly a good idea and would certainly have Greez giving him a lecture if he found him in the morning, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to move onto the sofa.

Eventually the silence was interrupted by the sound of one of the cabin doors opening. Hopefully whoever it was would just go to the fresher and leave them be. He wasn’t sure he wanted company other than BD right now. He held his breath and listened, the fever-cooked part of his brain telling him he was in danger. He ignored it.

Out of everyone, it was most likely Cere. She had escaped Nur mostly unscathed, physically at least. But she’d been having nightmares, same as Cal. They didn’t talk about them, but they both knew what the other was going through. How could they not when they were both haunted by the Sith Lord.

Light footsteps came into the common area but didn’t come down the steps. He doubted he could be seen from the galley so maybe if he stayed really quiet they would go away. “Cal, are you in here?” Cere asked, her voice hushed.

BD answered for him, giving a soft beep. Cal could hear her come down the steps before her legs came into view. “BD?”

“Down here,” he croaked.

She turned to face the table before crouching down so they were eye level. “May I ask why you’re sitting on the floor?”

He shrugged, not really knowing how to explain his half-delirious reasoning. Cere stood back up and went around the table to sit beside him, though she stayed up on the sofa like a sensible person. “Nightmare?” she asked. Her hand reached down to his head, her fingers brushing through his sweaty, tangled hair.

He nodded, not needing to elaborate. They both knew who it was about. “How’d you know I was in here?”

“Your light was on, so I went to check on you. You weren’t there and the fresher was empty.”

“I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No. I couldn’t sleep either. How are you feeling?” Her hand moved to his forehead, checking his temperature. Her skin was pleasantly cool, and he found himself leaning into her touch.

“I’m so tired,” he said, feeling like the weight of the galaxy rested on his shoulders.

“I know,” she said, going back to carding her fingers through his hair. “Things will get better with time. Once you’re over this infection and healed, sleep will come more easily.”

“What about—”

“That will get better too. Trust me.”

He nodded but found it hard to believe. The fear that gripped him every time he closed his eyes felt so inescapable he didn’t think he’d ever be able to sleep peacefully again. He wasn’t strong like Cere. She might be able to recover from this, but he doubted he’d be able to do the same.

“You know, more often than not, I don’t dream of… of the Sith,” she said. “That’s not what haunts me the most.”

“What does?” he asked, finally looking up at her.

“You,” she said, immense sadness in her eyes. “You died Cal. Your heart stopped, and… all I can see when I close my eyes is you lying on the floor completely lifeless. I was so scared for you Cal, and I don’t think that fear will ever leave me, but I know this isn’t going to be the last time we face a difficult situation. So, I’m trying my best to make peace with it.

“That’s how we move forward. There’s no point in pretending we aren’t afraid. We have to acknowledge our fears and learn to work with them, not let them control us. It will take time, but I’ll get there. We both will.”

Cal let her words sink in, as much as he was able with exhaustion still clouding his thoughts. She was right of course. Jedi were supposed to be masters of their emotions, but that didn’t mean ignoring them. Trying to supress them wouldn’t work, as he’d found out through first-hand experience. Maybe there was hope after all.

“Can you help me up?” he asked after a while. The floor was starting to get uncomfortable, and he was finding it increasingly difficult to keep his eyes open. Cal mostly managed to get his legs under him while Cere did what she could in the narrow space to help him up. BD jumped up on the table, choosing to let Cere take over looking after Cal.

Between them they managed to get Cal sitting on the sofa, his chest hurting too much to go anywhere else. He put a hand over the wound, breathing carefully. “Alright?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “Hurts.”

“I don’t think you can have any more painkillers yet,” she said, putting her arm around his shoulders and pulling him to rest his head against her shoulder.

That was a disappointment. It must be earlier in the night than he’d thought. He closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing. The simple act of getting up from the floor had wiped out whatever energy he’d had left, and he soon felt himself drifting on the edge of sleep. Unfortunately, he was also aware of it which meant he jolted himself awake a couple of times, lingering fear preventing him from drifting off.

“Come here,” Cere said after the third time. She guided him to lie down, his head now resting in her lap. He could feel her in the Force, a soothing presence encouraging him to rest. He felt safe with her around. He knew she wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him and would wake him if there was any sign of danger. “Just sleep now.”

He let his eyes fall closed and concentrated on the slow, rhythmic feeling of her fingers in his hair. His breathing slowed and his mind quietened before he finally fell into a dreamless sleep.