Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“What’s happening now?”

Toph frowned in concentration before replying to Sokka. “I think they’ve stopped fighting.”

“You think?”

“Look, they’re really far, okay? I can’t feel anything other than them not moving around.”

Aang bit his lip at that, worrying about the implications. “Can you feel their heartbeats?”

“No, just big movements, and even then it’s really fuzzy. I don’t usually sense this far away.”

Aang nodded, deciding to not voice out loud his worry that them not moving meant that one of them was badly injured or dead. He knew that he should trust Azula with her judgement, but it was very hard to do so when the guy who literally tried and technically succeeded in killing him had attacked her like a wild beast. He didn’t like thinking of people like that, but that was pretty much all he’d seen when Zuko had started attacking her.

They all turned to Hakoda as he cleared his throat. “I know that this is a very tense moment for everyone right now, but could you explain to me what just happened? In general?”

“It’s kind of a long story,” said Sokka. “As you know, it all started when Katara broke an iceberg because I was being sexist. There was a massive beam of light that-”

“I don’t think you need to go that far,” Aang countered.

“What? He asked!”

Katara cleared her throat. “Azula joined us, but then she let her murderous psycho of a brother come back here, even though he almost killed Aang.”

Hakoda nodded. “That I understood. But if she’s on your side, shouldn’t you want to help her fight against him?”

“Eh, they’ll figure it out,” Toph said while shrugging. “I mean, I’m pretty sure Azula knows what she’s doing… kinda.”

“I wouldn’t think that if I were you.” They all turned to the ex-prisoner, Chit Sang, who looked very much on edge. “You’re not dealing with the average military-trained firebender here.”

“Yeah, we know,” Katara sighed. “We’ve fought him before.”

“The fact that you’re still so nonchalant about him makes me think you haven’t heard much about him.”

Aang frowned. They had heard a few things about Zuko, like the fact that he was a prodigy and that a lot of people in different towns seemed to like him, but most of what they knew about him came from fighting him and what little Azula had told them.

“Like what?” Aang asked.

“Well, it’s mostly just rumours, but a lot of people say that he’s killed his fair share of soldiers and civilians under the Fire Lord’s orders, and not in the heat of battle. Some say he executes them quickly, others say that he hunts them for sport. There’s a bunch of people who swear that they know someone who works at the palace who had to clean up the mess he left after he tortured someone, which made them immediately quit and never want to talk about it again.”

Sokka gulped. “Well, how lovely.”

“Some say he’ll break you if you so much as look at him badly, and seeing how most people who have power act, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were true. Again, it’s mostly just rumours I’ve heard, but rumours usually come from somewhere.”

“So what you’re saying is that we should just book it as soon as Azula comes back?” asked Toph.

Chit Sang shrugged. “Don’t know if that’ll help much, to be honest. It’s like you just brought a wolf-fox into a sheep-hen enclosure.”

Aang had to do his best to not freak out outwardly, trying to find a small bright side to this. Sure, the monks had always told him to not base his views of people on stories that he couldn’t check, but like Chit Sang had said, those rumours had to come from somewhere.

“Well, we’ve run away from him before,” he said, trying to keep his voice as levelled as possible.

“Maybe you were lucky, or maybe he was playing nice. Who knows…”

Well, Aang could still remember that time he wasn’t so lucky. The pain in his entire body feeling like he’d been hit by the biggest boulder in existence still haunted his nightmares even if he couldn’t feel its pain anymore. To him, Zuko was terrifying, but those rumours somehow managed to make him even worse in Aang’s eyes.

He turned to look at the stairs Azula had taken, with Zuko chasing her like a bloodthirsty beast. If she didn’t come back soon, they would definitely be going down there.

“I heard stuff like that too.” They all turned to Suki, who seemed less fearful and more confused about her words. “It came from the Earth Kingdom, so there’s obviously some extra intention to make your enemies look bad, but the stories went the same way. Some say he feels nothing as he kills on command, others say he’s a maniac who’ll gladly rip you to pieces, and that if you’re captured by him you should just end yourself before he has the chance to do anything to you.”

Again, most of them looked back at those stairs, and Aang could feel their collective worry grow for Azula.

“But then again, I got captured by him,” she continued, catching their attention. Chit Sang stared at her in disbelief and she nodded. “Yeah. It wasn’t the most comfortable I’ve ever been, but it wasn’t that bad if you think about it. He definitely didn’t torture me or anything, at worst he threatened me. But he just seemed… well, normal, I guess. A little awkward and unaware of situations sometimes, but if you took away the blue fire and training, I’m pretty sure he’d just be a regular guy. Obviously, he’s dangerous. I mean, we all know that. But I don’t know if we should see him as a full-on monster outright, you know?”

“He literally attacked his sister just now,” Katara said with an unimpressed tone.

Suki shrugged. “You hit Sokka with water sometimes.”

“That’s a little different.”

“Quiet!” They all turned to Toph, who was turned to the staircase. “They’re coming back.”

“And?” Sokka asked frantically.

“They’re both alive? What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know, can’t you tell if they’re hurt?”

“Well, you’ll just have to tell me!”

“Everything alright here?”

They all turned to Azula and Zuko staring at them in confusion. Aang couldn’t help but notice how awful they both looked, especially with Azula’s singed clothes.

“Did you… talk?” asked Aang in the nicest way he could muster.

“Uh, yeah,” said Azula. “We talked about… well, what we meant to talk about. There were plenty of words used, far more words than fire, in fact.”

“What kind of words?” Sokka asked awkwardly while trying to keep Katara from opening her waterskin.

“Oh, you know…”

“Nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, prepositions, pronouns, interjections, conjunctions,” Zuko listed blankly. “That kind of stuff, along with a few similes and hyperboles, and badly used metaphors.” He turned to Azula to give her a pointed look.

She just crossed her arms and looked to the side. “Shut up,” she mumbled.

“So, you’re done talking now?” asked Katara.

Azula nodded. “Yes, for now at least.”

“Great,” Sokka said in fake joy. “Then we can now leave the jerk here and fly off to somewhere where he won’t find us again!”

“Actually… no?”

Katara frowned. “Are you saying you’re gonna join him?”

“Uh, no, I’m not. I was actually going to propose that he join us instead.”

Aang’s eyes widened at the same time as everyone else’s. “What?!”

“I know, I know. He was still our enemy a few hours ago, but I think we all know by now that people can change their minds.”

Sokka took a deep breath and brought her closer to the group and away from Zuko. “Azula, as your friends, we need you to understand how crazy that sounds.”

“And she is our friend,” Katara said loudly while glaring at Zuko, who was still standing in his spot like he was bored. She then turned back to Azula. “But you won’t be for long if you keep saying stuff like that.”

“Sorry to say this, Prickly, but this is probably one of the worst ideas I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard a lot come out of Snoozles’ mouth.”

“Hey!”

“Look, during our talk, we both made it clear to each other that we wanted Ozai off the throne, which is exactly what you all want, right?”

“Yeah, and then he’ll just backstab us and take the throne for himself,” said Sokka.

“Well, no, he’s not on Ozai’s side and wants the war to end, so I don’t see why he would do this, it would be kind of counterproductive.”

“If he’s so against the war, why did he take Ba Sing Se?” Katara spat.

“Orders are orders, it’s kinda hard to go against them.”

“Is that really the best you can come up with?”

“Look, he would make a good ally, okay? I mean, we all know how strong he is, and the Fire Nation already likes him, so he would make a change of power easier to pass.”

“That would be great, except that we don’t know if he even is on our side,” said Toph.

Azula sighed. “Zuko, do you want to join our group?”

They all turned to Zuko, who was looking at Appa looking back at him. “Uh, sure, beats following that dickhead.”

“And do you want to help us end the war, as in getting to Fire Nation to stop its colonisation and also help rebuild the world?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” he said almost distractedly while watching Appa take a step towards him.

They all turned back to each other.

“Toph, verdict please?”

“Well, he’s not lying.”

“He also didn’t sound all that convinced,” said Suki.

“Well I wouldn’t be convinced in joining a group that wasn’t very nice to me.”

“We’ve got plenty of reasons to be mad at him,” Sokka deadpanned.

She sighed. “Aang, you’ve barely said anything. What do you think?”

They all turned to him, and he wanted the ground to swallow him up without him having to bend it. On the one hand, he could tell that Azula really wanted them to accept Zuko in their group, but on the other, his friends clearly didn’t want that, and he was more on their side even if he also wanted her to be happy.

“Azula, we can’t just let someone like that join us.”

“What do you mean, ‘someone like that’?”

“Well, we’ve heard… a lot of things about him.”

She waved her hand dismissively. “Plenty of rumours run around. I mean, have you heard what the Fire Nation says about you? Most of it isn’t true.”

“Yeah, but it’s his own people talking about him,” said Toph.

She sighed. “Look, things are complicated, okay? Whatever you’ve heard, it was probably greatly exaggerated, like most rumours are. I’m not asking you to be his friend or anything, I’m just asking that he stay with us. I don’t want him to go back to the palace, and neither does he. His time there wasn’t any easier than mine, it was just with different circumstances.”

Aang took in his friends’ unconvinced looks and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Azula, but he can’t stay. We can’t let someone that violent be around us, especially someone that none of us trust.”

“I trust him.”

He pointed at her singed clothes. “He attacked you.”

“He wasn’t trying to kill me,” she said frantically. “Look, if you want, we could handcuff him. There’s plenty of those in the airship, and Toph could fortify a pair even more.”

“I’m pretty sure the only way to actually contain him would be in chains,” said Toph. “And even then, I wouldn’t trust it.”

Aang sighed. “Azula, we just can’t trust him to not change his mind about attacking us. We could drop him off somewhere when we leave, but that’s it.”

Azula stared at all of them, disappointment clear in her eyes, and frowned. “That’s your final word?”

He nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry, Azula.”

She sighed and nodded. “Me too. Good luck finding a new teacher then.”

His eyes grew wide as she turned to walk away. “Wait, what?”

She turned back to him. “I told him I wouldn’t abandon him again, which means that if he leaves, then I leave as well.”

“Azula, you can’t do that!”

“Why’s that?”

He stared at her in disbelief. “Y-you’re my teacher! You’re meant to be my teacher. And you’re our friend, you can’t just leave!”

“Sorry, but my main priority is Zuko. So if you don’t let him stay, then I won’t stay either.”

“Are you seriously choosing him over saving the world?” said Katara. “Don’t you see how selfish this is?”

“I already joined you!” Azula snapped. “I already left everything behind to help you, and it almost destroyed everything! I am not making that mistake again, and if it means leaving you, then so be it.”

“Azula, you can’t bargain with something like that,” Sokka exclaimed.

“I’m not bargaining anything, I’m just telling you the facts. Where Zuko goes, I go, which means that if he leaves, I leave.”

Aang couldn’t believe what she was saying. Like, he could understand, but at the same time this was Zuko they were talking about, someone who honestly tormented them more than she had, which was saying something.

As they all kept arguing, Aang turned to look at him, as if that would give him his answer. He was quite surprised to see that Appa was now standing right next to Zuko and giving him small nudges. In return, Zuko gave him small pats. They both seemed a bit hesitant in their actions, but Aang could tell that Appa’s nudges were getting friendlier and friendlier. At some point, Zuko started whispering things that Aang obviously couldn’t hear, but Appa seemed to appreciate his words and bumped his nose to Zuko’s face, to which the prince started scratching Appa’s chin.

Aang kept staring, growing more and more unsure of his resolve. Appa knew very well what Zuko had put them through, and yet he seemed to trust him enough to let him touch him. And Appa was a very good judge of character, so it definitely meant something.

“Azula? If we let him stay, you’ll still be my teacher, right?”

They all turned to him in shock, and Azula nodded. “I mean, it’s not like I want to leave. But I promised him that I would stay with him, and I’m not breaking any more promises I’ve made him. I’m lucky enough that he’s given me another chance to trust me.”

He could tell that Azula wouldn’t budge, and there was no way that he would be leaving a friend behind. And if Appa trusted Zuko enough, well…

“Well, maybe we could try?”

Katara gasped. “Aang, you can’t be serious!”

“I mean, Appa seems to like him.”

“Is Appa the only metric you use to make friends?” Sokka asked. “Because I’d like to remind you that the first thing he did to me was sneezing on me.”

“Well, if he’s telling the truth, and Appa likes him, maybe we can try letting him stay. Plus, we can’t afford to find me a new firebending teacher, and we definitely can’t just leave our friend behind.”

Obviously, they didn’t take that too well. The argument kept on going on and on, only this time Aang was also trying to help Azula through her case, which didn’t really help much to be honest. In the end, it was Hakoda who managed to bring an end to the discussion.

“We can keep him as a prisoner.”

“But what if he attacks us?”

“He won’t,” said Azula. “He promised, remember?”

After a few more words thrown in, they all agreed to try, though most of his friends said so with clear reluctance. As Suki went into the airship to get a pair of handcuffs, they all walked to Zuko, who was still slowly petting a sleepy Appa. The scene would have looked cute if it weren’t him standing in it.

“We’ve come to an agreement,” Azula told him.

He turned to them with a neutral expression. “And?”

Aang cleared his throat to make sure that his voice wouldn’t waver. “You’re allowed to stay, but only as a prisoner. You’ll be handcuffed and supervised at all times.”

“And at the slightest slip up, we get rid of you,” Katara added harshly. “Clear?”

Zuko simply nodded, showing no opinion to their announcements. “Crystal.”

As soon as Suki came back, they cuffed him, and Katara took the key with her. Zuko pulled at the chain holding the cuffs together a few times, then looked back to all of them.

“Now what?”

“Now, you go sit over there, and you stay there,” said Katara while pointing to a bench that was further away from their campsite, but still visible.

“Oh,” Toph added, “and no matter what, you stay in the area, got it? I wanna be able to sense you wherever you are.”

He just nodded and walked to the bench without a fuss. As soon as they saw him sit down, they all breathed out an exhausted sigh.

“Thank you,” said Azula. “You don’t know what that means to me. I promise you won’t regret it.”

Katara frowned at her. “Don’t thank us yet, you’re also on thin ice. Siding with our enemy isn’t what friends do.” With that, she walked to the campfire, probably to start making food.

“She’s right,” said Sokka. “I know why you did it, but she’s still right.” He walked off and picked up his bag, probably to change back into his clothes.

“I won’t mince words, Sizzles, I am not happy with this,” Toph said while kicking a pebble. “I trust you, but we’re still dealing with, you know, him.”

“I’ll make sure things go smoothly.”

She shrugged as she walked away. “Sure…”

Azula turned to Suki. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know, I barely know him.”

“You talked with him, though.”

“Yeah, and I got some really mixed signals from that talk.” She shrugged. “I’ll guess we’ll just see what happens.”

“Well, thanks anyway,” she said as Suki walked off to talk to Katara.

She then turned to Aang and smiled slightly. “Thanks for taking my side. I know out of everyone here, you have all the reasons to hate him, so it means a lot.”

He shrugged. “I didn’t do it for him. I just didn’t want you to leave.”

“I know…”

“Did you do that on purpose?”

“No. I just told it as it is.” She stared at the ground, as if feeling shameful. “I almost ruined everything because I left him, and I promised that I wouldn’t do that again. I said I’d make it up to him, and I can’t exactly do that if I abandon him again.”

“I just don’t really see what you like in him.”

“Well, you don’t usually act nice to your enemies. I mean, I know you do, but you’re an exception.” Her hand moved to the scars on one of her wrists. “We both suffered there. He had it rough differently than how I did, but turns out that having Ozai’s attention is never a good thing. You have every right to be mad at him, but just… Don’t mention him working for Ozai too much, he probably won’t take it well.”

Aang nodded slowly, feeling like there was a very long story behind her words while also knowing that she didn’t want to talk about it. That was fine.

“As long as he doesn’t hurt any of us, I think we can manage…”

She nodded and grabbed her bag, probably to change into her actual clothes instead of the clothes worn under guards’ armour.

Aang let out a very long sigh and looked to Zuko, who was still sitting on the bench with his back turned to the camp. To be honest, Aang really didn’t like Zuko, and if those rumours Chit Sang told them were even half true, then he liked him even less. But Monk Gyatso had told him that appearances could be deceiving, and first impressions didn’t always define a person (although Zuko had had plenty of impressions to give, all of them really bad), and Azula had turned out nice, so… Yeah, it didn’t really feel the same. While Azula had been determined in chasing him down, she’d never actually tried to kill him, let alone succeeded.

A shiver ran down his spine, the same that always appeared when he remembered the fact that he had in fact died under Ba Sing Se before Katara revived him. Did Zuko even feel any remorse for that? He hadn’t apologised or even mentioned it, which didn’t give Aang a lot of high hopes. Hopefully he just didn’t know how to apologise, which would be fair, but still.

He turned to Appa who was still lying on the ground sleepily, and patted his head.

“I really hope you know what you’re doing, because I’m relying on you for this one.”

Appa let out a low growl.

“No, I completely trust your judgement, it’s just a bit hard to see why you took his side.”

He let out another growl, and closed his eyes to go to sleep.

Aang sighed. “Yeah… I guess things could always be worse.”

---

Things were going surprisingly well, which he didn’t like. Sure, they weren’t great per say. He was cuffed and taken in as a prisoner, even though being a prisoner meant not wanting to be somewhere which wasn’t fully his case, his head was still buzzing and he felt like he was about to be sick, but he was still able to stay with Azula, so that was all that mattered.

He couldn’t help but smile at the fact that she’d fought for him. She would have even left her new friends for him. Despite wanting so badly to believe her when she said that she cared and that she wouldn’t abandon him again, he still had this small but ever-present fear that she hadn’t been truthful, that he didn’t really matter to her. But the fact that she had been so adamant about sticking with him managed to quell that fear, at least for now.

“You alright?”

He looked up to Azula as she sat next to him. “Yeah, just tired, you know?”

“Yeah, you definitely didn’t hold back back there,” she chuckled while rubbing her arm.

He bit his cheek. “Sorry about that…”

“It was a stupid thing to do, by the way. I mean, do you know how hard it is to convince people that you’re not a threat when you just attacked me?”

He winced at her tone, feeling her growing anger at him. He deserved it, he shouldn’t have fought her, but he’d just been so furious at her. Guess it was her turn to be angry at him.

“Sorry…”

“That’s all you say, ‘sorry’. You know, how about you actually act on it instead of throwing a pity party for yourself?” His eyes dropped to his hands as he felt his throat start to close up. “You’re always so difficult, you know that? Agni, it’s like you can’t be happy with just having Father’s affection! If you’re so worthless without him, why don’t you just go crawl back to the palace? It’s not like I need you to survive, you’re barely trustworthy as it is.”

His breath hitched at her words, the want to crying growing inside of him even though he had no tears left to shed. It hurt how right she was, how she could see how useless he truly was. But he didn’t want her to turn her back on him right after she’d promised not to leave again.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I won’t-”

“You alright?”

His head whipped to her with such force that he felt his neck crack. Azula stared back at him in confusion, probably because of his lack of answer.

“Oh, uh… yeah…”

“Were you just talking?”

Zuko’s eyes moved slightly to where Azula had been, but he didn’t need to see the empty seat to know that she had never been there. The thought crossed him of telling her about his hallucinations, but the mere thought brought on images of her deciding that dealing with him would be too much, and her going back on her words. And he didn’t want to burden her, or make her think any less of him for losing it. She would see him for what he truly was, someone who was weak enough to break under his life’s pressures when he could have left just like she had and was just too stupid to realise it.

Instead, he shrugged. “Just thinking out loud.”

She hummed and nodded. “Yeah, I can relate to that.”

“Are you alright?”

She chuckled. “A bit bruised, but nothing I’ve never gotten before. Good thing you fought me while I was in that uniform, I would’ve been pretty mad if you’d ruined my actual clothes.” He rolled his eyes at that. “By the way, will you want to change at some point? Because that might be a bit hard with those.”

Zuko looked down at his cuffs, then his clothes. The only piece of armour he had left, not counting his boots, was his bracers, which he didn’t mind since that would make having cuffs on at all times a bit more bearable. “I think I’m good. Good thing I took the chest plate off, that would’ve sucked to wear.”

She snorted. “Oh definitely. By the way, I actually came here to tell you that supper is ready. I’m not telling you that you have to eat with them, but if you’re feeling up to is…”

“I, uh… Are they even okay with me eating with them?”

She feigned thinking it over. “Good question. They probably aren’t, but I don’t care. If you want to eat with them, go for it.”

He thought about it for a bit, then shrugged. “Sure, why not? It’s not like we can avoid each other forever.”

She chuckled and patted his back as he got up. “That’s the spirit!”

The group was, in fact, not very happy to see him.

Azula sat next to him, but nobody dared get close to him on his other side, which was fine by him since it was his left side and he was too tired to try to focus on what was happening over there. The waterbender in particular looked like she was trying to kill him with her mind while serving some soup into different bowls, and it took everything in Zuko to not glare back. He now had to act somewhat nice towards them, after all. She also glared at Azula as she gave her her bowl, but Zuko could tell that for all of her anger at his sister, she still considered her an ally even with the situation they were all in.

He made sure to thank the waterbender as she handed him his bowl, which only helped to deepen her frown.

The atmosphere was extremely tense, with some trying to start conversations with others and ultimately failing. Even the flying lemur looked uncomfortable as it sat next to the bison. He could feel their eyes on him as he slowly stirred his soup, feeling his appetite dwindling with every swirl. The prisoner that came back with them seemed particularly fidgety, and he was starting to regret sitting down with them all. It would be easier to find their weariness entertaining if his stomach wasn’t so adamant to stop him from eating.

The soup just seemed to smell wrong. A bit too bitter to be eaten so readily by everyone around him, including Azula, even though he knew very well how she unintentionally grimaced every time something too bitter touched her tongue. Maybe it was just his bowl? But then why would only his portion smell like this? Unless…

The problem with paranoid thoughts was that they never left your head once they arrived. And now, he found himself convinced that his bowl, and only his bowl had been poisoned. It would make sense, after all. Azula’s friends didn’t want him around, and since they couldn’t argue their way out, poisoning him would be a much easier way out.

What was left of his appetite vanished at his revelation.

“Why aren’t you eating?”

He shrugged at Azula’s question while swallowing the urge to throw up.

“Is my cooking too crude for his princely-ness?” the waterbender asked mockingly. He didn’t look up at her, but he could tell that she was frowning.

“She’s probably angry that you realised her plan.”

He swallowed as he heard Ursa’s voice from behind him, and made sure to stay still and not show that anything was wrong. It was fine, not showing any emotion was a regular occurrence for him.

“I wonder what she put in there…” she continued. “I’d say something deadly, it wouldn’t make sense to simply make you sick. Maybe some physalis alkekengi? No, that kind of plant doesn’t grow in this region.”

He breathed in deeply, trying to make her understand that she needed to stop talking. He didn’t need to entertain which way they’d decided to kill him.

“Maybe some arsenic, that would be pretty simple. Although I don’t see how she would procure some in the middle of nowhere without the proper tools…”

His focus turned back to his bowl as he felt Azula pull it away from his hands, giving him hers instead. She gave him a comforting smile, which didn’t help at all because of Ursa’s next sentence.

“Oh, I know! It has to be rosary seeds! If she eats any of that, she’ll be dead in a couple of days.”

Yes, that would make the most sense. Rosary peas were known to grow in this region, they were quite easy to acquire, and they tasted bitter. And now Azula was about to ingest some.

He slapped the bowl from her hands as she was about to eat some and watched as its contents were splattered on the floor. There, things were fine now.

“What the fuck?!”

Oh right, people were still around them. He couldn’t hear Ursa anymore, but he would have almost preferred her to half of the group shouting at him. Azula was also shouting back, but he couldn’t hear anything they were saying. It felt like he was underwater. The way his chest constricted aided in that feeling. He needed to leave. He needed to be alone. He just needed a bit of quiet, but he wouldn’t get it by staying here.

He shoved Azula’s bowl back in her hands and got up, walking away as quickly as he could. He couldn’t tell if he was being followed or not, but their shouting was receding, and that was all he wanted. What he didn’t want was the whispers to start up again. He could feel something crawl on the back of his neck, and tried to swat it off before remembering that he was still injured there. His breathing picked up as he stopped himself from yelling in pain, hearing those buzzing whispers become louder and louder.

He managed to find a far off bench and sat on it, covering his ears as things kept getting louder and louder. He couldn’t discern any of their words, but he knew what they all said. They always said the same thing.

“Shut up!”

There was one blissful second of silence before the noise crashed back down, now louder than before. It felt as if something had struck him in the head, booming and echoing inside of his skull. He felt as if the pressure would be enough to make his bones crack.

Oh Spirits, he was going to crack.

His whole skeletal system was about to fracture.

His mind was about to shatter in a thousand pieces and he would never be able to get up again.

“Look at you.”

His insides seized up as he heard that voice, that voice that constantly dictated his life, that was always there to tell him how weak he really was.

He gingerly looked up and was met with his father’s disgust.

“I didn’t raise you to be such a pathetic coward.”

His chest was breaking under the pressure of his rapid heartbeat.

“You think you can simply turn away from me?”

Every inch of his body trembled at his presence.

“You think you can betray me like this? It seems you really are stupid enough to forget such a basic fact. I own you, Zuko. Without me, you won’t survive out there. You are nothing without me.”

He threw his face in his hands and closed his eyes, focusing on his breath to calm himself down. There was no one around him. He was alone. Father wasn’t here, and neither was Ursa. No one was here, so he was fine. Father didn’t even know that he had defected, right? How could he possibly know? He couldn’t know. He was just being paranoid, like with everything else, because it seemed like paranoia was the only thing left in his life.

His mouth tasted like ash.

He wanted to disappear.

His heart was still trying to escape, filling his ears and strangling him with its efforts. He couldn’t breathe anymore with how fast it was going, his lungs were going to collapse for sure and there was nothing he could-

“You don’t like salty food?”

…

What?

Zuko turned to his right to see the nine-year-old Earth Kingdom kid sitting next to him with a plate of vegetables and bread. The kid looked at him questioningly, clearly waiting for his answer while trying to keep his oversized helmet upright, but Zuko couldn’t answer him because his brain was trying to process what that question even was for.

“W… what? Why?”

“Well, Katara’s food’s nice, but it’s sometimes a bit too salty.”

“Oh… uh…”

It was maddening how his brain couldn’t come up with a response.

“Since you ran away, I’m pretty sure you don’t like salty food. Wanna share some of mine?”

Oh… that was… nice? Yeah… yeah…

What the fuck was happening again?

“Okay?”

“Cool!”

The kid ate some random piece of vegetable and ate it on some bread, which made Zuko feel pretty sure that none of it was poisoned. Kids usually didn’t try to poison people. Usually.

The kid plopped the plate between the two of them on the bench, and Zuko started eating small bits of spinach and squash. His appetite seemed to slowly return, although it definitely wasn’t as ravenous as the kid’s, whose name he still didn’t know. He should probably ask at some point.

“You’re Azula’s brother, right?” Zuko nodded. “She talked about you a bit.”

“Oh… What did she say?”

“Well, she said she liked you a lot, but that she wouldn’t not fight you if she had to. Although she did seem reti… ret… retici… uh…”

“Reticent?”

“Yeah! Reta…”

“Re-ti-cent.”

“Reti… Reticent!” He grinned and ate a piece of taro root. “Yeah, she looked reticent to do that.”

Well, that was nice to know.

“Also, I’m sorry your dad sucks so much. Like, a lot.”

Zuko swallowed and nodded. “Thanks…”

“What’s your name again? I didn’t get it before.”

“Zuko. You?”

“I’m The Duke!”

“Duke?” What a strange name.

“No, The Duke.”

What an even stranger name. Oh well, he could roll with this.

“So where are you from, The Duke?”

He gave him a bright smile. “I used to live in a massive tree village in a forest! It’s close to a town called Gaipan, which was a fun place to be in until the Fire Nation came along. They tried to get rid of us, but we kept fighting them back!”

“We?”

“The Freedom Fighters! We all lived together in the trees. They were really tall, you couldn’t see anyone through the leaves either. It got really pretty when it was cold, everything was orange! I had a bunch of friends too, it was so cool!”

“And why are you here now?”

His excitement started to whither. “Apparently our leader, Jet, wasn’t the greatest. Pipsqueak didn’t explain much to me, but I got that him and some other Freedom Fighters exploded something, which turned out to be a bad thing to do. So the whole group despan… disbanded, and me and Pipsqueak went off to check out a bunch of ports. Then we bumped into Sokka while he was counting some crates in a port, and we asked if we could come along. We stuck around on some Fire Nation boat, and then we moved to some Water Tribe boats, and then we came along to fight during the eclipse.”

“You… you fought during the eclipse?” If that was the case, he was going to hit someone very hard.

Thankfully, The Duke pouted and shook his head. “I had to stay in the back. They said I was too small to fight. But Pipsqueak got to fight, ‘cause he’s big and all that.” His face saddened. “I hope he’s alright…”

“Where is he?”

“He got captured by the Fire Nation when we lost…”

“Oh…” He wanted to say that his friend was probably fine, but Zuko knew how Fire Nation prison systems worked, and he didn’t want to give The Duke any false hopes.

Actually, if the kid had had such a bad time with the Fire Nation, why was he sitting next to him right now?

“Why are you here?”

He gave him a confused look. “I just told you?”

“No, I mean, why are you sitting here? I mean, the food’s nice and all, but wouldn’t you rather be with people you know?”

He cringed. “Well… Things were starting to get a little loud over there. They kept shouting a lot, and I’m pretty sure that Azula’s about to fight Katara. Plus, I thought you could use some company!”

Zuko shot a quick glance to the camp’s direction, and elected to forget about that. Hopefully he was still within the earthbender’s sensing distance.

“But didn’t you see how the others reacted to me being here? I mean, they weren’t exactly happy.”

“Well, they reacted the same way with Azula, and she’s alright. And if she thinks you’re alright, and they accepted that you stay here, then you should be alright too, right?”

His eyes dropped to his shackles, then back to The Duke as he took another piece of squash. “Right… Do you even know who I am?”

“You’re Azula’s brother.”

“And do you know who she is?”

“Yeah, she’d the princess, ‘cause her dad’s the Fire Lord.”

“Which makes me…?”

“The… Oh, that’s why they don’t like you!”

“Yup.”

“I don’t know, you seem nice.”

“What gave you that idea?”

He shrugged. “You said ‘thank you’ when Katara gave you soup.”

He blinked. “That’s a very low bar for niceness.”

“You didn’t attack us either.”

It took everything within Zuko to not cringe at that, especially since he had attacked members of the group at least twice today, three times if you counted his ‘talk’ with Sokka. “Sure, let’s go with that.”

“Plus, you’re handcuffed, so you can’t do much anyway.”

A bold statement, and definitely wrong. Not that Zuko was about to rectify it.

“Sure. What do you do around here, anyway?”

“Run around the temple. I keep finding new rooms with Haru and Teo, it’s really cool! We keep finding these awesome wall paintings, and there’s this whole garden area, but with crystals lighting up the place! Plus, there’s a lot of cool rocks to find.”

“You like rocks?”

“Yeah, you?”

He nodded, because who didn’t like cool rocks? “Sure.”

The Duke gasped and jumped to his feet. “You should come see my collection! I’ve found so many cool rocks! I keep them all in a bag so Toph doesn’t bend them.”

“I don’t think a bag would stop her.”

He shrugged. “Probably not… So do you wanna see them?”

“Uh… sure, why not?”

“Awesome!” he exclaimed as they both got up. “I’ve got one that looks like it glitters, and one that’s really smooth, and even one that has a bunch of cool lumps around it!”

“You don’t need to make me want to see them more, kid, I’m already coming.”

“I’m not a kid!

“How old are you?”

“I’m almost ten,” he said as they started walking towards the camp.

“And when’s that happening?”

“… Next year…”

“Then I stand completely correct.”

---

Teo wasn’t usually one to get scared, especially by people he called friends. But he would be lying if he said he wasn’t starting to worry about Katara and Azula’s shouting matches. Plural. Every time things seemed to calm down, one of them would very quickly combust again and look seconds away from murdering the other, which wasn’t great.

Naturally, he understood why Katara was so mad. The Fire Prince had basically insulted her cooking and walked off like an asshole even though they’d accepted him in staying here, which wasn’t a great thing to do. The only reason she hadn’t followed him was because Azula had started arguing with her, and Toph still had him in her sensing area.

Like everyone else sitting around the fire, he tuned most of the shouting out, trying to eat as fast as possible so as to leave this extremely awkward situation. The Duke, smart kid that he was, had just left and ran off somewhere, but the rest of them couldn’t really do that.

In the end, Sokka and Katara’s dad was the one to get between them to calm them down, although that didn’t stop them from glaring at each other. It only took about a minute before someone else noticed The Duke’s absence.

“Oh, he went to sit with Zuko,” Toph said nonchalantly.

“I’m sorry, what?!” Sokka exclaimed.

“Don’t worry, I can still fell them. Speaking of which, here they are!”

They all turned to see The Duke practically dragging the fire prince towards his side of the camp, with the fire prince holding a plate and looking vaguely interested with what was happening.

“The Duke, what are you doing?” asked Hakoda.

“I’m gonna show Zuko my rock collection!”

Aang gulped. “Uh… I don’t think he wants to see it.”

Zuko shook his head as he watched The Duke open his special rock bag. “Oh no, I want to.”

The next few minutes were weird. They all basically shot glances every couple of seconds to supervise the two, while said two just looked at rocks. The Duke kept excitedly telling Zuko about how he’d found them and what he imaged happened to them to look like that, all the while Zuko listened intently like this was the most interesting thing he’d ever heard.

“That one I found near the cliff side. It looks like a fang, so I think it belonged to a rock monster.”

“Actually, that’s a fossil.”

The Duke gasped. “Really?”

“Yeah, it’s probably a seashell, or maybe a squid. If you look underneath, you can see a lighter colour, which might be the actual animal in there.”

“That’s so cool! Guys! I found a fossil!”

Teo smiled and gave him a thumbs up while trying to not show his nervousness. “Cool!”

“The whole ravine used to be submerged at some point a very long time ago, so that’s probably how it got there,” Zuko explained.

“I’m gonna keep it forever!”

You know, if you put aside the fact that The Duke was talking to a dangerous firebender who had already killed Aang once apparently, the scene would have actually been pretty cute. Momo even got closer to them at some point and gave them some pebbles, which The Duke seemed to like. By the time they’d decided to go to bed, the kid looked completely exhausted, but in a good way.

“Goodnight, Zuko!” he waved as Zuko and Azula walked further off from the camp to sleep, which was probably for the best. Toph even went as far as to bend rocks around the prince’s waist just in case. “We can go exploring tomorrow!”

Haru frowned as he tried to get the kid to settle down. “No you’re not.”

“What? Why?”

“Shh, people are trying to sleep,” Teo whispered.

“Why?” The Duke repeated more quietly.

“He’s dangerous.”

“I think he’s nice.”

Haru seemed to choke on air at that. “Didn’t you listen to what the others said?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think he’s that mean.”

Haru sighed. “He’s the Fire Nation’s prince.”

“Azula’s the Fire Nation’s princess.”

“That’s different.”

“Why?”

“She didn’t do bad things like he did.”

The Duke stayed silent for a bit. “Jet also did some bad stuff, that doesn’t mean he’s evil.”

He’d told them a bit about Jet, although it was mostly through the lens of a kid who looked up to an older brother figure. But Teo could also remember Pipsqueak telling him about how the Freedom Fighters had disbanded, because Jet had taken things too far. This probably wasn’t the solid argument The Duke thought it was.

But then again, it wasn’t like Zuko had hurt him. If you’d just looked at his interactions with the kid, you would’ve never guessed all the rumours and horror stories that surrounded him. And The Duke was pretty weary of the Fire Nation, like anyone else, so it was surprising that the kid had taken such a liking to the prince of the people who had decimated his home. Who knew, maybe he was right in liking that guy.

“I wanna hang out with him again.”

Well, Teo definitely didn’t trust him enough for that.

“No, definitely not.”

“But-”

“Go to sleep, we can talk about this tomorrow.”

Blessedly, he just grumbled and finally lay down between Teo and Haru. “Fine.”

---

“You probably shouldn’t have done that. The plate throwing, I mean.”

Zuko winced. “Sorry.”

Azula sighed and rolled on her side to be able to hug him, which was a bit complicated wince he was stuck on his back and couldn’t move his arms all that much. “Don’t worry, it’s just…” She shifted a bit, resisting the urge to scratch her scars. “They’re not gonna poison you, you know?”

He stayed silent for a bit, which made her start to think that he did in fact think they would do that.

“Zuko, they may not like you, but they’re not the type of people who poison their enemies.”

“I think I’d make a good exception to that rule.”

“You won’t.”

Silence.

“I’m sorry.”

She frowned. “What for?”

“I dunno, I just… I’m sorry.”

She held him a little tighter. “Well, I can’t forgive you if I don’t know what I’m supposed to be mad about.”

“You shouldn’t be forgiving me.”

“For what?”

He sighed and squeezed one of her arms. “Everything.”

“Well, that’s a l-”

“I’m too much.”

Azula stared at his blank face, looking on the edge of either crying or throwing up. It made her stomach churn. And here she’d thought that things were going well, especially with The Duke taking a liking to him and no other incident happening. He’d even smiled during their interaction, even if it was a very small smile, nothing that looked extremely joyful.

She shifted around and managed to hold him closer, not knowing what else to do.

“You’re not too much.”

His silence made it clear to her that he didn’t believe this, even though she was being completely truthful.

“It’ll be fine,” she told him.

He just hummed and patted her arm before they slowly fell asleep, completely knackered by today’s events.

---

Extra drawings, for funsies! 

Chapter Text

The last few days’ events hadn’t really been what Hakoda had imagined. Well, then again, it was a little hard to imagine much when you were captured by your enemies and brought to an inescapable prison. But breaking from said prison thanks to his son, his son’s friend who was the ex-Fire Nation princess, his girlfriend and a prisoner, while also bringing back the Fire Lord’s son and watching him almost murder his sister before they both made up was a bit hard to imagine.

Through all of this, he was trying to play his part as a father, and the only adult in a group of children and teenagers who had seen far too much war. (Well, there was also Chit Sang, but he didn’t strike him as a fatherly man.) But it was hard to do so when he himself didn’t really know what to think of these events. He didn’t know how to see them, let alone help his kids and their friends through them.

When he woke up, Azula was already awake and sitting near her brother. She seemed very protective of him from what he saw, and with how quickly she turned to Hakoda as he got closer, he could tell that this was the case.

“Good morning,” he tried to say with ease. “Did you sleep well?”

“Not really, I kept waking up.” She looked away before looking back to him. “You?”

“Well, I suppose I’ve had worse nights.” Seeing that massive wall of flames had given enough to his imagination to create some gruesome scenarios in his sleep.

She nodded and turned to look at her brother. From the tenseness in her shoulders, he could tell that something was bothering her.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, it’s…” She paused. “He always wakes up at sunrise. I’m a bit worried.”

Hakoda turned his gaze to her brother, who looked like he was completely knocked out. “Oh… Well, maybe he’s just very tired.”

She shook her head. “He’s always managed to get up even after barely sleeping. I think something’s wrong.”

He crouched down to take a closer look, but the boy didn’t look sick or anything, just sleeping very still. “Maybe all the lost hours of sleep have caught up to him. He seemed quite tired last night.”

She sighed. “He’s always tired.” She frowned and looked at her brother with a pained expression. “You’re right, maybe that’s why…”

More and more people slowly woke up as the morning went by. Hakoda went to help Katara make breakfast and was glad to see that she looked a little less angry at everything. Although, he was worried that this would come back once she saw Zuko again.

He felt completely powerless to help her with this situation, because what was there to say? He couldn’t just tell her that sometimes, you had to deal with people you didn’t like, because she and her friends had every reason to want Azula’s brother gone. He’d personally witnessed how him almost murdering Aang had completely drained the kids of any joy, of how that joy had finally returned once their friend had woken up again. He’d seen the expression Aang had made when he’d learned that everyone though he was dead. He completely understood where they were all coming from. If this had literally been any other situation, Hakoda would have told them that people made mistakes, and teenagers were extremely prone to do those, but the problem was that this wasn’t any other teenager. This was a soldier. The boy was considered Ozai’s weapon for a reason, and Hakoda saw that with every move Zuko made. It was disheartening, just like how it was disheartening to see soldiers so young on the battlefield, or to see his own children and their friends fighting alongside adults against a conflict they were born into. But just like those enemy soldiers that looked far too young, he needed to look past this and focus on the fact that this teenager was raised to kill.

As such, he didn’t really know how to help his kids deal with all of this, but the way the prince had been acting with The Duke last night had at least been promising. It had also been extremely nerve-wracking.

Speaking of The Duke, the boy seemed more than willing to hang around the prince again, even if he was still knocked out. He kept asking Azula when he would wake up, to which Azula would shrug. Then someone else had to practically drag him away so that he would actually do something else and stop bothering the increasingly anxious firebender.

When lunchtime came around, Aang and Katara came back from their training since Azula didn’t want to leave her brother’s side. In fact, she seemed weary to leave him alone at all, which Hakoda could understand. By this point, Katara had gone back to glaring at her, with the rest of the group looking uncomfortable as per usual.

Her brother still didn’t wake up as the afternoon came around.

At some point, Aang managed to convince Azula to come train him, but she still looked very reluctant to leave Zuko. Deciding that this would finally make him useful for a change, Hakoda went to lend her a hand.

“I’ll keep an eye on him.”

She frowned and stayed silent for a bit, before nodding. “If anything happens, you tell me.”

By that point, no one was in the camp except for him, the sleeping prince and Chit Sang, who seemed to be consciously putting as much distance between him and the boy as possible. Hakoda didn’t know much about the man, but he could relate to that. Still, he sat close to the boy, whose rock bindings had been bent away after Azula had asked Toph for the fiftieth time.

“I don’t see why they don’t just run away and leave him here,” Chit Sang muttered from his seat.

“Well, Azula made it clear that she doesn’t want to leave him.”

“In all honesty, they should leave the both of them. You can’t trust royalty.”

He shrugged. “She helped you get out of prison.”

He shrugged back. “Who knows how they work…”

Silence.

“So, what were you in for?” Hakoda asked, mostly just to keep his mind off of the dangerous teenager sleeping near him.

“Oh, you know, assault and arson which lead to some deaths, one of which was a noble. Got me landed really quickly in a high security prison, but because of my bad behaviour and my aggressive tendencies against prison guards, I got moved to the Boiling Rock. Classic story, I’m not the only one who had it there.”

“Why the assault and arson?”

“Robbery gone wrong. Really wrong. Not as up there as that guy that tried to rob the Fire Palace and got murdered by the Fire Lord back when he was young, but close.” He chuckled at Hakoda’s surprise. “Yeah, it’s a well-known story. When people didn’t believe it, they apparently brought out the corps for all to see for a few days.”

That sounded extremely gory. “Well, good thing you didn’t try to rob the palace then.”

He snorted. “Yeah, although I was lucky to not be sentenced to death. Or maybe unlucky, depending on how you see it. At least I’m free for the time being, so that’s nice.” Hakoda nodded. “And what about you?”

“Prisoner of war. I was one of the leaders for the invasion when the eclipse happened.”

“There was an invasion?”

“Yeah, but it failed. Didn’t you hear about it?”

“We were on a far-off island, what little news we got from the outside world is stuff someone overhears or things they want us to know. They were really eager to tell us about the fall of Ba Sing Se and the death of the Avatar.”

“My kids were there when it happened.” This time, it was Chit Sang’s turn to look surprised. “Actually, they even tried to stop it, that’s why Aang almost died.”

“Huh, and here I thought I’d heard the weirdest part about them.”

“What did they tell you about the fall?”

“Oh, you know, how the might of the Fire Nation once again trampled on the Earth Kingdom, how we are one massive step closer to victory, how that royal brat is the most amazing firebender to ever live.” He shot a glare to the prince. “You know, that kind of stuff.”

“You don’t like the royal family?”

“Not a fan of how they treat their own people, no. We’ve got cowards, traitors and monsters leading us, what’s not to love? Some say that family has gone mad, but most of them get imprisoned or executed for that. Would surprise me if he met a few of those people.”

“Do you really think he’s an executioner?”

“Wouldn’t know, I wasn’t in the military. But the fact that so many people have heard of this means that it’s probably true.”

“I’ve heard of those stories too while at sea. I knew he was young, but it was always a little hard to visualise how much.”

Chit Sang shrugged. “I mean, the military starts training pretty young. It wouldn’t shock me that he started even younger.”

Hakoda couldn’t help but feel disgusted at that thought. He knew on an intellectual level that this was most likely the case, but the image of a child raised to be a soldier wasn’t one he liked. There was a reason he’d never trained Sokka when he was young. He would have later, but with the war, he never got a chance.

“It’s hard to imagine a father training their own child this way.”

“Well, people here focus a lot on training their kids to fight, especially if they’re firebenders. Although I’m pretty sure that the Fire Lord isn’t a very fatherly kind of guy, especially with how both of his kids called him a dick yesterday.”

He nodded. “True. But you still don’t trust them?”

“I wouldn’t trust royalty with my life. The only reason I went along with the princess was because I didn’t know who she was. I just thought she was some overzealous sassy teenager until the fucking Fire Prince showed up. That was definitely a surprise.”

The both jumped at the small sound of rattling chains and turned to look at the prince. He was still sleeping, but was flinching a little. Probably a nightmare.

“Well, that’s my cue to get as far as possible,” Chit Sang said as he got up and walked away. “You coming?”

“I promised Azula I’d keep an eye on him.”

He shook his head. “Never promise anything to royalty, it’ll bite you back in the ass. Good luck.”

Hakoda sighed and resisted the urge to roll his eyes before turning back to the prince. He was getting more and more agitated, and while Hakoda would like to say that he wanted to wake him up so that he wouldn’t accidentally burn something, he also just wanted to do so because seeing anyone let alone a child in distress hit his parental instincts too hard.

He slowly got closer to the boy and gently shook his shoulder, bracing himself to roll away in case on any attack. But the prince just jerked his shoulder away and kept shifting, leaving Hakoda to try again a little harder.

“Hey, wake up,” he said softly. “It’s just a-”

The familiar feeling of a knee kicked to his stomach knocked the wind out of him, and he was quickly shoved off before he could figure out what had just happened. Gripping his stomach, he looked up and saw the prince looking at him intensely with fire daggers in both of his hands placed defensively in front of his face. They stared at each other for a few seconds while panting for different reasons, before Zuko relaxed ever so slightly and dropped his hands. He then looked down to his chains in mild confusion, and Hakoda took this as his opportunity to breathe correctly again and calm his heart down.

“You’re safe, remember?” he said gently as the boy stilled. He was clearly startled, so Hakoda couldn’t really blame him for this. “Azula’s training Aang right now she should be back in a few hours.” His eyes didn’t leave his cuffs. “You got those on for safety reasons, remember?”

Zuko just hummed and wrapped his arms around his knees, clearly trying to avoid eye contact.

“I’m guessing you’re hungry?” Hakoda tried, hoping that he wasn’t letting his fear for the worse outcome show.

He said nothing, but Hakoda was pretty sure that the prince was hungry, so he got up and found a leftover portion that Azula had insisted they keep out just in case. It was cold now, but the heat and humidity would probably make that fact more bearable.

“Here, it’s your portion left from lunch.”

The prince glared at the bowl, and Hakoda suddenly remembered his outburst last night, where it was clear that the boy had thought that his food was poisoned. He was pretty sure that telling him that it wasn’t poisoned wouldn’t help. Instead, he just set the bowl next to him and went back to his old spot, not too near him but still near enough.

He tried to not make his glances too obvious, but when his eyes met the prince’s scowl, it was clear that he’d failed. But still, Zuko just sat there and didn’t touch his food.

The silence was deafening.

“Where’s Azula?”

Hakoda almost jumped at the question. “She’s training Aang.”

“Where?”

“Ah, well… probably on another level in the temple.”

The prince sighed and fidgeted a bit, before doing and redoing his hair a few times while leaving his hairpiece to the side. He then tapped the back of his neck repeatedly, looking like he was debating over getting up or not.

The food stayed untouched.

“Hey, you’re awake!”

They both turned to see a very excited The Duke arrive, along with Suki and Haru who looked much less excited.

The Duke ran straight to Zuko, ignoring Haru’s call to not do that. “Did you sleep well?”

The prince blinked and the kid sat down next to him. “Uh, sure.”

“Cool! I dreamed of flying whales. They were pink and blew bubbles.”

He nodded. “That’s nice.”

“Did you eat?” He picked up the abandoned bowl and practically shoved it in Zuko’s face. “It’s not too salty today, so you should definitely eat this. It’s really good!”

Zuko slowly took the bowl and held it, which was apparently enough for The Duke since he didn’t comment on the fact that the food still stayed untouched.

“You wanna go explore some of the temple with me?”

Haru sighed from where he was standing. “The Duke, we talked about this-”

“I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to Zuko!” He turned back to the prince. “So, do you?”

“Well… I wouldn’t mind.”

“Awesome!” He got up and put his helmet back on correctly, then sat back down. “But you gotta eat first. You always gotta eat before going on an adventure!”

“The Duke, I don’t think he wants to come with you,” Haru said as he got closer to lead the kid away.

“But he said he wanted to.”

Zuko nodded while eating some fish with his hands. “Yeah, I want to.”

“See?”

The earthbender looked like he was trying very hard to not argue with the prince, and then turned to Hakoda. “Sir, he’s not allowed to leave the area, right?”

“I told you, you don’t have to call me ‘sir’. And as for the area, he can’t be left alone, no.”

“But I’ll be with him,” The Duke argued.

“You’re too young, sorry.”

“But he’s nice, I wanna hang out with him!”

In all honesty, Hakoda had no idea why the kid had latched himself onto the prince so much. All he knew was that it wasn’t a great thing to happen.

“I can supervise them,” Suki offered.

Haru stared at her in shock as Hakoda frowned. “Are you sure about this?”

She shrugged. “I mean, they were alone for a bit last night. And yeah, Toph could still sense them, but he doesn’t really seem like he’ll attack him.”

“You make it sound like I kill children on a regular basis,” Zuko muttered. They all stared at him, and he turned back to his half-finished bowl. “You know what, don’t answer that.”

“Why would you kill a kid?” The Duke asked.

He shrugged. “Beats me.”

Suki cleared her throat. “Well, if I go with them, things will be a little safer, right?”

Haru blinked at her. “We’re talking about the prince of the Fire Nation.”

She nodded. “Yup.”

“A very dangerous guy.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Wields fire like he’s made of it, all that stuff?”

“So I’ve heard.”

“Literally managed to take over Ba Sing Se.”

“Can you stop complementing me?” Zuko said loudly. “It’s getting embarrassing.”

Suki snorted while Haru stopped himself from talking back. “You walked into that one.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did. And for the record, I’ll be careful, don’t worry about it.”

The look on Haru’s face made it very clear that he was worrying about it, which Hakoda could understand. But he didn’t interject since watching Zuko interact with The Duke made him look much more human than how he was described.

Hopefully he wasn’t wrong in his assessment. He didn’t want his lack of judgement to be the reason for a child’s death.

---

Zuko had been stupid. So fucking stupid. For fuck’s sake, he’d almost attacked that Water Tribe chief and ruined everything Azula had tried to do for him. Sure, the man was tall, and imposing, and had looked far too much like Ozai as he’d opened his eyes, but that was no excuse. He was lucky that the man hadn’t mentioned this to anyone.

Agni, he wanted to find Azula and not let her go for the rest of the day. He was already feeling like shit, and he’d just woken up. Eating had somewhat helped, even if his stomach seemed to fight every bite he’d swallowed.

The moment it hit him that he should have apologised to the Water Tribesman, him, The Duke and Suki had already left the camp. Shit, he couldn’t even do that correctly. He didn’t understand why The Duke even wanted to be near him. He should just let him rot in a corner like everyone else wanted to do.

“Well, this is nice,” Suki said while looking at a random wall.

“Yeah, it’s… rocky.”

The Duke snorted. Zuko just wanted the ground to swallow him.

They stopped in front of a mural depicting some sky bison. Zuko’s eyes followed the fading orange lines as if that would make him feel less uncomfortable. There was a little spider-fly walking about near that line, so his attention was mostly drawn to that.

“It’s a cool mural,” said Suki.

The Duke nodded. “Yeah! Aang told us the story it said a few days ago.”

Silence.

“And… what’s the story?”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t listening.”

Zuko and Suki both let out a small laugh at that, before turning to each other in surprise, then looking away awkwardly. Agni, just kill him already.

They kept walking, slowly making their way to a more dilapidated part of the temple. The Duke kept running around, which wasn’t nerve wracking at all considering the massive dangerous piles of rubble he wanted to climb.

“Could you not climb those?” he asked the kid. “I don’t want people to get mad at me because you got injured.”

The Duke groaned, “Fine,” and instead started looking at rocks to add to his collection.

Zuko decided to aide him in his quest, because why not, and Suki also did the same. He decided that since she was the one to have volunteered to stick around him, he might as well annoy her with more theatrical trivia.

“By the way, I checked the whole thing about the different versions of Love Amongst the Dragons, and turns out there are at least nine of them.”

She paused for a moment, turned, and blinked at him. “Really?”

“Not counting all of the more niche versions that naturally happen when a play is wide spread, yes.”

“Wow, I’d never thought there would be that many. Then again, it is an old play.”

He nodded and stayed silent for a bit. “By the way, I’m sorry for sending you to the Boiling Rock.”

She picked up a rock and stared at it intently. “It wasn’t exactly a nice thing to do.”

“No, definitely not. That’s why I’m apologising. And also for threatening to burn down your island, although if it helps, I wasn’t actually going to do that.”

She stilled and turned to him. “So you’re saying that if I hadn’t told you what I did, you wouldn’t have done anything?”

If Zuko weren’t so used to people looking at him so intensely, he would have looked away. “Well, I would have definitely done something, just… not that…”

“What are you talking about?”

They both turned to The Duke, and Suki shrugged. “Boring stuff.”

“Well come on, let’s go check out more rooms!”

He’d never been to an Air Temple. Why would he? They were hard to access, and there wasn’t much to check out there except for haunted ruins. Zuko didn’t believe in ghosts any more than others did (there was probably a joke there, what with the fact that he kept seeing things that weren’t there), but every step he took felt like he shouldn’t be there. This may come from the fact that his great-grandfather had ordered the genocide of the people living there.

He knew it had been a genocide. He’d been taught that it had been a great battle against an air army and all that, but there were only so many secret reports of the time that he could sneakily read before those lesson went down the drain. It had been a massacre, and he was honestly surprised that there weren’t any bones in the area. He wondered if Azula felt that same unease in being here, or if that was just his rampant paranoia.

Or maybe it was just his own guilt being distilled into something else. He had plenty of that to go around.

They entered a large room with thick roots breaking through the ceiling. Rubble was thrown everywhere, but they could still make out some broken tables made of rotting wood. It must have been a refectory or something along those lines. Now, it was an unusable room inhabited by too many shadows for his liking. Even with the fact that he could sense heat, he didn’t like such dark shadows unless he was the one in them.

“Hey look!” The Duke ran to one of the broken table and picked up what looked like a bit of pottery. “It has a bunch of cool drawings on it!”

He and Suki joined him to see the bit of pottery, and Suki agreed that it looked cool and the two started debating on what the piece used to be.

He would have also done that if it weren’t for that little spider appearing in his field of vision. He could tell it was the same spider as before, even though they had moved several rooms since then. He knew that because… well, he just knew. It looked entirely ordinary and like something that could fit in his palm with some wiggle room. And yet something didn’t feel right about it. He hadn’t really noticed it before, but the more he looked at it, the more unsettled he felt by it. That was weird, he wasn’t afraid of spiders, far from it in fact, but there was just something about it that elicited a shiver through his spine.

He watched as it scuttled through the rubble and slowly followed it, wondering why in the world he felt so disturbed by it. All of his senses seemed to focus on it, to try to figure this out. He could almost hear its little legs hitting… the… Little? Why little? It was around the size of his hand, why did he call it little? It passed through a shadow and disappeared, before reappearing with the same colour as those shadows. It was as if it were made of them. Did that even make sense? And why was its scuttling so damn loud?

He kept following it and stopped as it entered a dark corner of the room. The shadow there was large and pitch black, and he had no way of seeing what was inside. He couldn’t sense anything there, but he knew that there was something there. He didn’t know how, but he just knew it-

Two small white dots appeared in the abyss. They slowly grew in size as more and more twin dots appeared. He could feel them staring at him, hatred filling those illuminated voids.

Something in the shadows moved. What seemed like four long sticks slowly showed themselves to be a hand fitted with long spindly fingers. More of those hands appeared, and with them the dots grew larger as the thing slowly revealed itself. Multiple faces seemed to litter its entire mass of a body, as many faces at it had limbs. Even if they couldn’t all look in the same direction, he knew that their minds were all on him. Its faces where indiscernible from each other, but he knew who they were. With each step it took, his guilt grew to constrict his ribcage.

He watched as it crawled towards him, paralysed even in the face of the thing ready to end him. He couldn’t move despite every cell in his body screaming at him to do so, and it knew that. It was utilising that. That fear. That weakness.

He couldn’t run.

Eventually, the thing stopped and slowly moved its hand upwards, towards his face. He could hear each of its articulated fingers slowly crack as they spasmed, like tiny electric shocks constantly coursed through its body. The hand slowly rotated itself towards his left cheek, ready to grab him. Millimetre by millimetre, it advanced to his skin, making it crawl and burn at the mere thought of being touched.

Yet still, he couldn’t move. And the thing knew that.

And it was so happy to finally be able to inflict on him what he had done to every part of what it comprised of. Any second now, it would finally have him for itself, enacting its well-deserved vengeance on him. Any second now, he would be dead, and there was nothing he could do. Any second now. Any… any…

He blinked.

He breathed.

He ran.

---

The Duke was having a good time. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been having fun since getting to the temple or anything, there were plenty of things to explore, and Teo and Haru were cool to be around. But right now, digging through rubble and finding old stuff with Zuko and Suki was probably the most fun he’d had in a while.

He liked Zuko. He also liked Suki, she was fun too, but Zuko reminded him a bit of Jet and Pipsqueak, and he liked that. He wasn’t like Jet or Pipsqueak, but he treated The Duke the way they treated him, and he liked that.

He missed those two. Hopefully he would see them again. Well, he had to see Pipsqueak again, since he’d promised The Duke that.

He also spent time with Zuko because he looked like he was lonely. People around camp didn’t like him, obviously, but even with them all telling The Duke to stop getting near him, he didn’t really understand why. They’d told him that Zuko was dangerous, but as far as he could tell, the only dangerous thing about him was that he wasn’t very good at eating his food, and that he was a firebender. But one, Longshot was also very bad at eating his food properly, because he kept accidentally skipping meals, and two, Azula was also a firebender, and so was Aang in a way. So those excuses just didn’t seem very convincing. They were probably hiding something from him, but if that was the case, it was their fault that The Duke still wanted to hang out with him. They should just stop treating him like a baby.

Maybe they just thought he looked scary? He kind of did, in a way, especially when he’d first come into the temple. But Teo and Haru had quickly left with him, so he didn’t really know what else had happened afterwards. When they came back, Zuko had been wearing handcuffs, and Sokka had told them that he would be staying with them for a bit, but that he was dangerous and that it was better to stay away. He also looked scary because of his scar, mostly because it looked like he was constantly glaring, but plenty of people had scars, and it wasn’t his fault that it looked unsettling. He also looked imposing, but so did Pipsqueak, and he was one of the nicest people The Duke had ever met. And then there was the fact that he was wearing red, and that he looked a lot like an ashmaker, but so did Azula, and she was on their side and also kind of nice, so that wasn’t an excuse either. And neither was the fact that he was the Fire Nation’s prince since that also applied to Azula, and she was fine, even if Katara kept looking at her like she wanted to freeze her.

So, from The Duke’s point of view, the others were just being hypocrites.

He moved a few more rocks to find more bits of pottery, and jumped as a spider-fly ran away. He shuddered, because spider-flies would never not be creepy, and then picked up a piece of a broken yellow and orange plate.

“Hey, look at that!” He turned to Suki to show her, because she was the closest.

“Wow, the paint’s almost fully there!”

“Yeah!” He picked up the two other pieces of the plate and realised that they all fit together. He then excitedly turned to Zuko, who was standing further away from them and looking at something else. “Hey, Zuko! Look what I found!”

Zuko didn’t respond, which was disappointing.

“Zuko!”

Again, nothing. Was he ignoring him? That would be rude.

The Duke got up to get closer to him, thinking that maybe Zuko was just zoning out.

“Hey, Zuko! I found this cool plate!” Nothing. “Zuko, look at it!” The Duke frowned at the lack of answer. “I wanna show you something, look!” He moved to stand in front of him, and looked up. Zuko wasn’t looking at him, but at the shadowy corner. The Duke turned to it, then back to him. “Zuko?”

“Is something wrong?” Suki asked as she got closer.

“I don’t know, he’s just looking at something…” It was honestly a little creepy because of how blank Zuko’s face looked.

The Duke tried to follow Zuko’s line of sight, but there was nothing very interesting in that corner. He got a little closer to it, and grimaced as a bunch of spider-flies moved around.

“Maybe he’s just scared of-”

He stopped talking as he heard someone run away. He turned around to see Zuko disappear from the room, and turned to Suki to understand what had just happened. Suki turned back to him, looking as confused as how The Duke felt.

“What was that?” he asked.

“I don’t know…” She turned back to the exit. “We should probably follow him.”

The Duke nodded and put the three pieces of the plate in his pocket before following her. But as they entered the hallway, the realised that Zuko was already long gone.

“Shit,” Suki muttered.

“Zuko!” The Duke called out, but nothing. He turned to Suki, feeling himself grow more and more worried. “Is it bad?”

She nodded frantically as they started running. “We need to find him.”

“We should split up,” he said while trying to keep up with her.

They both stopped as the hallway split in two, and while she looked really hesitant, she nodded. “Okay, but be careful!”

The Duke nodded and ran off, calling Zuko’s name over and over again in the hopes of finding him. It didn’t work all that well. He almost lost his helmet several times too.

But eventually, The Duke did find him sitting down in a small hallway, completely hunched up and hiding his face in his knees.

The Duke sighed in relief and got closer. “There you are! Why did you leave?”

He didn’t reply. He didn’t even acknowledge him.

“Zuko?”

His stomach started doing weird things as Zuko still didn’t reply. The Duke sat down next to him and noticed how tense he looked.

“Are you okay?” he asked in a quieter voice.

Nothing.

Could… Could he even hear him?

It only hit The Duke now that Zuko probably couldn’t.

Slowly, The Duke went to touch his arm to get his attention. It didn’t do much. If anything, it made The Duke feel even more worried because he could now feel Zuko’s arm trembling. He looked back up at him, and realised that all of Zuko was trembling, as if he couldn’t breathe properly.

The Duke didn’t know what to do about that. He wanted to leave and go find Suki, because she probably knew what to do, but he didn’t know where she was, and he was worried that something bad would happen while he was gone. So instead, he just stayed close and tried to hug Zuko, only really managing to put an arm around his back.

He didn’t know how long they stayed like this, but eventually Zuko started breathing correctly again. The Duke sighed in relief as he felt him relax, and he looked up to see Zuko sitting up to lean on the wall, breathing deeply with his eyes closed. The Duke just kept looking at him, waiting for him to say something while staying close and holding Zuko’s arm.

With one last exhale, Zuko finally opened his eyes and blinked a few times before looking around him.

“Huh…”

The Duke sat up at held him a little tighter. “Are you okay?”

He blinked a few more times before turning to him. He looked really pale. “I, uh… I think so,” he rasped. “What happened?”

“Well, you ran away from the room.”

“Oh…”

“Were you scared of the spider-flies?”

His eyes moved down to The Duke’s arms holding his, and he shrugged. “I guess… It was a really big one.”

The Duke nodded, because he could understand that. “Do you want a hug?”

He stayed silent for a bit, then nodded. “Yeah.”

He moved up his arms so that The Duke could hug him without hitting the handcuffs’ chain, and The Duke made sure to squeeze him as much as possible, because he knew he really liked it when people did that.

Zuko chuckled. “You trying to break my ribs?”

The Duke laughed at that. Of course he didn’t want to do that!

“You’re really warm.”

He snorted. “Yeah, I get that a lot…”

The Duke let go and waited for Zuko to move up his arms again so that he wouldn’t be stuck in the chain. “You’re a firebender, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Does it hurt when the fire’s close to your skin?” he asked while looking at the scar on his face. “I mean, people say that firebenders are hard to burn, but I don’t actually know if that’s true.”

“We are harder to burn, but not by much. It’s more like our skin heals just a little faster. But when you just hold a flame in your hand, it doesn’t hurt. You know, as long as you’re careful.”

“So you weren’t careful when you got your burn?”

Zuko blinked, and The Duke only realised then that that probably wasn’t a polite thing to say. Zuko moved his hand to his scar and looked away for a bit, and The Duke wondered if it hurt. It must’ve hurt when he’d got it, but it did look old.

He moved his hand away and looked back at The Duke. “I didn’t get it by accident, but I did get it because I was reckless.”

“Oh… Does it hurt?”

“Sometimes, yes. But much less than before.”

The Duke smiled. “That’s good.”

Zuko nodded back with a small smile. “Do you want to see what it feels like? To hold fire?”

His smile quickly left his face. “Uh… I’m not a firebender…”

“Don’t worry, you won’t actually be holding fire. It won’t hurt.”

“Promise?”

He nodded. “Promise.”

Well, fire was definitely scary, but if Zuko promised, then it would probably be fine, right? Haru had even said that he was really really good at controlling fire, so it should be fine.

“Okay…” Yeah, he didn’t sound super convinced.

Zuko nodded and opened one of his hands to make a little flame. This would have probably been normal if not for its colour.

“Holy shit, it’s blue!” He threw his hand over his mouth and stared at Zuko with wide eyes. “I’m not supposed to swear, please don’t tell the others.”

Zuko just chuckled. “I won’t, don’t worry.”

“Why is it blue?”

He shrugged. “It just happened at some point. It wasn’t always like this, but now it is.”

“That’s pretty cool!”

Zuko smiled at that, and The Duke was proud of that because it looked like a genuine smile. He then gently took The Duke’s hand and carefully placed it between his palm and the flame. The flame was really close to The Duke’s skin, which made him pretty nervous, but after a few seconds of waiting for it to hurt, he realised that nothing was happening, and so he relaxed.

“So?”

“It’s really warm.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, that’s what it feels like when you hold fire. I used to do this with Azula before she could bend.”

“Really? Azula seems really good at it, though. When was that?”

“Until she was around seven.”

He gasped. “Seven? Isn’t that too old to start bending?”

“She was a late bloomer.”

“Huh…”

Zuko snorted. “Don’t tell anyone though. She can tell other people on her own.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” He looked back at the little flame and smiled. Fire did look pretty cool when it wasn’t trying to kill you.

“There you are!” Zuko let go of his hand, and they both turned around to see Suki running towards them angrily. “What was that all about? You just ran off out of nowhere!”

Zuko grimaced. “Sorry…”

“Why did you leave?”

Zuko just looked away and said nothing, so The Duke replied for him. “He saw a creepy spider-fly.”

She blinked. “Seriously? A spider-fly?”

“Spider-flies are scary, okay?”

Suki just sighed and leaned on the wall near her to catch her breath. “Well, did you show him what you found?”

He gasped and took the pieces of plate out of his pocket. “Right! Look at what I found!”

Zuko took the small pieces of pottery and looked at them appreciatively. “That’s a good paint job. You can barely see the brushstrokes.”

“It’s just broken in three pieces! Isn’t that cool?”

Zuko nodded, and The Duke felt very happy that he agreed.

“I’m sure we could try to repair it,” said Suki.

“Oh, we could even give it to Aang! He’d be happy with that, right?”

They both nodded as Zuko put two of the pieces together. “The best way to repair it would probably be with staples.”

“Oh, I’ve done that before. You wouldn’t believe the number of times I’ve broken pottery and have been forced to repair it by our mayor,” Suki chuckled.

“What kind of metal do you use?”

“Uh, brass mostly.”

“I’m pretty sure you can find some brass plates in the airship, they usually keep some in case for repairs.”

“We’ll also need a small drill.”

“Don’t know if you’ll find something that small.”

“Teo has small drill bits,” said The Duke. “We can ask him!”

“Does he also have a hammer, a metal clipper and a sanding file?” she asked.

“Probably, he has a little tool kit with him.”

She nodded. “Alright, you two get the tools, I’ll go get the brass, and we meet back at camp. Okay?”

The Duke frowned. “But I want it to be a surprise!”

“Alright, then what about the second floor landing?”

“Okay!”

“I don’t know where that is,” Zuko said.

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you! Plus, you’re not allowed to be alone, so you gotta stick with me!”

“Okay.”

They all got up and left, with The Duke feeling extremely excited for the present. This was gonna be so cool!

---

Finding the brass sheets wasn’t that hard since it was in the now mostly empty storage area. The room was empty because they had looted the place for supplies, and it was a good thing that they had decided to do this today because they would be moving the airship soon. When Suki passed the training area, she moved a little faster so as to not be asked questions about what she was doing.

To be fair, she wasn’t doing anything wrong, but her friends were very reluctant to interact with Zuko so she didn’t want to start an argument. Well, she was also a bit reluctant, but he was here, and he wasn’t hurting anyone right now, so she might as well help him and The Duke out. Plus, she did enjoy stapling pottery sometimes.

She met up with Zuko and The Duke on the second floor landing, and they all started working. She decided to start drilling the holes while Zuko prepared the staples and The Duke watched. He kept asking them what they were doing, which ended with Suki basically explaining to him the entire process of stapling pottery back together.

“Why aren’t you drilling all the way through?”

“If I do that, it’ll leak.”

“Why aren’t you drilling straight down?”

“If I don’t drill at an angle, it won’t bind as well. Plus, some of the glaze might fracture if the angle is too wide.”

It was at that point she realised that she had once again forgotten that rope was a necessary part of this process, but Zuko had thankfully thought about this and found some rope for her.

Truth be told, she found it very hard to outright dislike the firebender. Sure, she still held a bit of a grudge against him, mostly because he beat her in a fight, got information out of her and sent her and her girls to prison, but just like when he had captured her, she couldn’t help but just go along with conversations and feel at ease. The others probably wouldn’t like hearing that.

As she started hammering in the staples, The Duke naturally got a little bored and started walking around the landing and looking at columns, leaving her and Zuko alone.

“Are you gonna tell me why you actually left now?”

He stilled as he bent another small piece of brass to make another staple. “The Duke told you, it was a spider-fly.”

“I’m sorry, but the image of the big bad Fire Prince being scared of a spider-fly is a little ridiculous to believe.”

He frowned and shifted a bit. “It was a big one.”

She blinked at him. “Do you seriously expect me to believe this?”

“Can’t you just drop it?”

“No, because you ran off when you’re not supposed to, and if someone asks me about it and I tell them you didn’t answer truthfully, they’ll get suspicious. You’re on thin ice, remember?”

“I wasn’t planning on betraying any of you, if that’s what you’re worried about.” His eyes met her glare, and he glared back. “Look, I’m tired and I got spooked. It happens to everyone, okay?”

She sighed in annoyance as he handed her another staple to hammer in. “You’re really not gonna tell me?”

“I already did,” he gritted out. “It was a spider-fly, a particularly disturbing one at that.”

Suki just rolled her eyes, and hammered the staple. They stayed silent for a few more minutes before he talked again.

“Are you gonna tell the others about this?”

“I don’t know, should I?” she said sarcastically. But then she looked up and realised that he looked a little guilty, so she started feeling bad.

“I’m not planning anything, okay? I just… I’m just tired.”

She looked at him and sighed. “Alright, I won’t say anything. But don’t think it’ll happen again if you do that in front of the others.”

“Yeah, I know… Thanks.”

“No problem.”

By the time The Duke came back, she was sanding down the plate’s last staple.

“Are you done?”

She couldn’t help but smile as his impatience. “Almost.”

“I think Aang’s gonna come back to camp soon, I really wanna give it to him today!”

“I don’t think you’re helping by telling her to go faster,” said Zuko. “She’ll be done soon.”

“Do you think he’ll like it?”

Suki shrugged. “I don’t see why not.” She blew on the staple and looked at the underside of the plate, feeling happy about her work. “I’d say it’s one of my best repairs!”

“Are you done now?”

“Let’s pour some water on it first just to make sure.”

The water test was in fact a success, and after drying the plate, they all went back to camp. When they returned, everyone was back and chatting while Katara and Hakoda cooked dinner. Suki handed The Duke the plate, since he wanted to be the one to give it to Aang, while she handed Teo his tools. Zuko just went to sit next to Azula while trying to evade everyone’s glares or tense glances.

“Hey, Aang! I wanna give you something!”

Aang turned from brushing Appa’s fur with curiosity. “What is it?”

“Ta-da!”

Aang’s eyes grew large at the sight of the plate. “Where did you find that?”

“In the temple under some rubble. It was broken, so we fixed it!”

“We?”

“With Suki and Zuko! We stapled it back together, and it shouldn’t spill because we put some water on it and it didn’t go through.”

Aang took the plate and stared at it, looking like he was trying to stop himself from crying. “This is amazing.” He smiled and hugged The Duke. “Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome, it’s way cooler than the spider-flies we found.”

Aang chuckled as he let go and went to Suki to hug her, which she eagerly accepted. “Thank you!”

“Don’t mention it, stapling pottery is surprisingly fun once you get the hang of it.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure you did a bit more work than him, so…” he whispered.

She snorted at that. “True. Although Zuko did help a lot.”

Aang’s smile faltered a little as he let go of her. “Ah, right…”

He gulped as he turned around to look at Zuko, who was slowly being approached by Momo. They both looked equally sceptical of the other’s presence as Azula stared, as if trying to supervise the encounter. Zuko carefully extended his hand towards Momo, clearly waiting for the lemur to get closer at his own pace, which was a bit awkward because he had to also move his other hand since they were both cuffed.

Aang took a deep breath and walked towards him. Zuko turned to him, and Momo did not.

“Uh… thanks for helping repair the, uh… plate…”

Zuko blinked, his hand still outstretched for Momo. “You’re welcome.”

Azula looked like she was trying not to have an aneurism.

Aang cleared his throat. “Yeah… Well, bye!” With that, he quickly walked away to Toph, who was having a bit of a field day with this interaction.

Eventually, Momo caved in a nudged Zuko’s hand and let himself be pet, before running straight to Zuko’s lap and not leaving for the rest of the evening. He didn’t even move when, inevitably, Zuko had to place his bowl of Momo’s back. Not even Sokka calling him to give him treats would make the lemur move.

“I think you’re stuck like this forever now,” Azula joked.

He just shrugged, not looking all that bothered about the situation he was now in.

Suki turned to Sokka as he nudged her side. “Hey, did you actually spend an entire afternoon with him?” he whispered.

“Well, it wasn’t all afternoon, but yes.”

“And did you notice anything suspicious?”

Truth be told, him running away because of an alleged fear of spider-flies didn’t hold up all that well in her mind. And if that was the case, then she should be saying that yes, Zuko had been quite suspicious for leaving and running circles around the subject. But watching him interact with The Duke had made him seem so normal, and he had apologised to her and helped her do something nice for Aang even though Aang was clearly still weary of him. He didn’t have to do that, but he did.

And, well, he had kept his word on how she would be treated in prison.

“Nah, he’s just a bit awkward. Although he is good at making staples.”

That last part seemed the throw Sokka in a bit of a loop, which was cute. “Okay…”

Dinner went well this time, with no one thinking that their food was poisoned, although the air was still as tense as before. Once they were done, Azula picked up Momo in her arms, which he clearly didn’t appreciate, and announced that she and Zuko would be going to sleep in their little section of the camp further away from the rest of them. Momo was quick to jump onto Zuko’s shoulders and stay there, making it clear that he was now very much in favour of the firebender.

“He probably just bribed him,” Sokka said. Suki couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.

Aang kept staring at the repaired plate throughout the evening. “It was nice of him to help…”

“He’s just trying to make you lose your guard around him,” Katara told him.

“Wouldn’t he have given him the plate if that were the case?” Suki interjected. “I mean, he didn’t seem to have any ulterior motive when he helped me, and if he did, he would have made it a bit clearer that he’d helped out.”

Katara just shrugged in annoyance. “It’s probably just one of his tactics. Why are you even defending him?”

“I’m just telling you what I saw…”

Her annoyance dropped. “Well you should be more careful,” she said with genuine worry. “I don’t want any of us to get hurt because of him again.”

Suki could understand that, of course she could, but it was surprisingly easy for her to exist around Zuko without being too angry. Sure, she hadn’t forgiven him, and she was still wondering what the fuck that was earlier, but she still found it quite hard to be angry and weary around him as time went on.

She wouldn’t be telling the others anytime soon, but she couldn’t help but think that, apart from the heart attack he’d almost given her and their small argument, the time she’d spent with him that afternoon had been quite nice.

---

“You should ask.”

Zuko just shook his head and held her closer.

“What if it get’s infected?”

“It’s not infected, I got it treated at the palace.”

“Well it’s still hurting you.”

“That’s what burns do.”

“But if she healed it for you, it would hurt less. It might not even leave a scar if she does it.”

He just sighed, already tired of this conversation. “I’m pretty sure she would still say no if I asked.”

“You don’t know that.” Even if he couldn’t see Azula’s face right now, he could tell that she was frowning.

But Zuko still stood by his belief. If the burn on his neck had been life threatening, then maybe he would consider the fact that the waterbender would help him. But it wasn’t life threatening, and she despised him for perfectly understandable reasons, so there was no reason to make a fool out of himself and ask.

(Plus, he deserved that burn, just like all the other ones. He shouldn’t have lied, but he did, so he had no one else to blame but himself. He wouldn’t say this to Azula though, he didn’t want to see that guilty look on her face when he was the guilty one.)

He buried his face in her shoulder, not wanting to ever let go of her.

“Can I come watch your lesson tomorrow?”

“Sure, as long as you wake up on time.”

“Sorry…”

“Hey, don’t apologise! If anything, it’s good that you slept so much. You look barely awake half the time.” She paused. “Are you still tired?”

“Yeah…”

“Well… Sleep all you need, okay? You don’t have anymore constant training like back at the palace.”

“If it weren’t for the fact that I’m surrounded by people who hate me, I’d say this feels like a holiday.”

She chuckled. “Well, The Duke likes you, and so does Momo.” At the sound of his name, the lemur shifted a little between the two of them. “And Suki’s starting to come around, it seems.”

“Maybe…” From his point of view, she had only stuck around him to keep an eye on him. Agni, he’s made such a fool of himself by running away. He felt so stupid.

“But you can definitely come tomorrow. Maybe you can even give me some tips, I have no clue if I’m actually teaching correctly.”

“Do I look like a firebending instructor?”

“Well, you’ve still got more experience than I do with bending, so it wouldn’t hurt. But anyway, it’ll still be nice to have you around.”

He hummed and shrugged, feeling a little bubble of joy go through him at the fact that she was happy to have him around.

Maybe it would be nice.

Chapter Text

Awkwardness had become something of a regular occurrence in their group. That and distrust towards a specific firebender, obviously. But while that was easier to ignore yesterday since said firebender hadn’t been around them a lot, it was much more visible today.

Well, ‘visible’.

Toph was honestly quite impressed with how quickly her friends’ heartbeats rose as Prince Crazy appeared out of nowhere to watch Aang’s firebending lesson. He didn’t do anything except sit down to the side as far as possible from her and Katara, but it was still enough for Katara and Aang to get very nervous. Well, Toph would never admit it out loud, but she was also pretty nervous. Sure, the asshole hadn’t lied about wanting to defeat his douchebag of a dad and not harming any of them, but he had also managed to previously catch her off-guard with some wordplay, so she didn’t want to chance it.

Though it was at least somewhat comforting that his heart rate was also going a little fast. (Well, at some point it started going really fast, but then it calmed down again, so she didn’t think too much about it.)

“Aang, I told you to focus.”

“I am!”

“Clearly not.”

Aang shifted around repeatedly, and Toph was certain that he was shooting looks at Zuko, who had been joined by Momo who had been demanding pets since the break of dawn.

“Maybe we could train somewhere else?”

Azula sighed. “Is this about Zuko being here?”

“What? No,” he badly lied.

“Look, forget about him, he’s not gonna do anything.”

“And if he does, I’m sure Sugar Queen will take care of it.”

Katara made an affronted noise, probably to deny Toph’s claim, but she could clearly feel her tensing to the point of attacking if the asshole made a sudden movement.

“Guys, I’m trying to teach here. Now Aang, remember to keep your knees bent. This kata is a bit like earthbending, only bouncier.”

Aang did the move he was supposed to do, but whatever effect that made evidently wasn’t good enough for Azula’s liking.

“I don’t get it,” she groaned “You’re in the right position, and you’re not holding back.”

“Maybe a certain someone is being distracting?” Katara said sardonically.

Toph felt Zuko shift a bit, but otherwise he didn’t do anything except pet Momo.

Azula took a deep breath and ignored Katara’s comment. “Let’s just try this again, okay? Go through the motion slowly without fire. Good. Okay, now do it at regular speed and without fire. Alright, that’s good too. Now add the fire.” She groaned. “No that’s still not it.”

Aang sighed. “Maybe it’s too advanced?”

“No, it’s not. I just don’t understand why your flames aren’t precise enough.”

“Can I come help?”

Aang and Katara’s heartbeats spiked at Zuko’s question, while Azula nodded. “Sure.”

Aang gulped as Zuko got up and walked towards them. “Uh, Azula…”

“For Spirits’ sake, Aang, he’s not gonna eat you.”

“Do the kata again,” said Zuko. Aang hesitated a few seconds before doing half of it. “Stop. Your back is too stiff. Look.” Aang practically froze as Zuko touched his back. At the same time, Katara grabbed her waterskin. “You do know that tensing up only makes you stiffer, right? Relax your back.” If Aang changed his demeanour, it was too subtle for Toph to feel it. “Relax your back, Avatar.” Aang relaxed a bit, but his heart only moved faster. “Good, now move forward a li- too much. You feel my hand? You do not get away from my hand. Now, move slowly.”

Aang slowly moved through the kata again with Zuko following him with his hand still on Aang’s back. He was then told to do it again. And again. And again. And then a few more times but without Zuko guiding him. Then he did the kata with fire, and whatever came out must have been correct because Zuko nodded.

“There, all good.” With that, he walked back to his seat and tended to Momo’s every wishes once more.

“I told you it was a good idea to bring him along,” Azula said in a satisfied tone, probably directed at Katara.

Katara said nothing, but Toph could feel the anger emanating off of her. Meanwhile, Aang was ready to explode into a massive pile of nervousness.

Ten or so minutes later, Aang’s lesson ended and they all went back to camp. Katara went straight to cooking with her dad, and Toph went to sit next to Sokka and Suki, but was stopped by The Duke.

“Hey, can you break this rock for me?”

“Want me to smash it?” she grinned.

“No, just cut it in half. I think it’s a geode!”

He handed her the rock, and she nodded. “Yeah, definitely a geode. Let me just… Ta-da!”

“Awesome!”

“Does it look cool? ‘Cause it definitely feels cool.”

“Yeah! It’s all red and crystal-y!”

“Nice.” A thought popped up. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Sure!”

“Why do you like Azula’s brother so much?”

It was a genuine question. Ever since the firebender had sort of joined them, she’d been trying to give him a chance of sorts. She didn’t tell on him when he was alone with The Duke, she didn’t mention to her friends that he had walked off out of her sensing distance with The Duke and Suki even though she had specifically told him to not do that, and she had even managed to find his interaction with Aang from last night funny. There were a few reasons for this. One, he hadn’t lied when he had joined them. Technically, he had never lied to them, but he had definitely led them on a few times so she didn’t count this as a positive. Two, Azula vouched for him to the point of leaving her friends for him if the need presented itself. That was definitely a big show of loyalty, even if Toph was still a bit bitter about that, but there was probably a good reason for her doing that. Not to mention that Azula felt completely safe with him even after he had attacked her, and Toph didn’t exactly pin her as someone who misplaced her trust in people. Her loyalty, maybe, but not her trust. Three, Zuko had technically helped them get out unscathed during the eclipse, even if he had been a real dick about it.

Really, the only thing she truly had against him was that he had killed Aang, even if that hadn’t been permanent.

“He’s cool. He’s a bit weird, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“He gets really quiet sometimes, like he can’t hear me. Although, now that I think about it, he probably can’t with his scar, so maybe that’s why.”

Toph frowned in confusion. The others had told her once that Zuko had a burn on his face that covered one of his eyes, but they had never talked about one on his ear.

“Why would his scar do that?”

“It goes on his ear.”

“I thought it went on his eye.”

“It goes on both. It’s really big, too. Must’ve hurt when he got it.”

Toph hummed to stop herself from wincing at the thought. “But other than that, you think he’s nice?”

“Yeah!”

“Okay…”

“Anyway, I gotta go, bye!”

He ran off to do whatever he was going to do, and Toph went to shove herself between Suki and Aang as they waited for food to be ready. Azula and Zuko sat opposite from them, taking about something she couldn’t hear. She was a bit more preoccupied by Aang’s growing heart rate.

“Hey, Twinkletoes, are you planning on running around the temple or something?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Your heart’s going crazy. What’s that about?”

“I just… I want to say something, but I’m nervous to do it.”

“Aang, if you can stand up to me, you can say whatever you want.”

“Yeah, but it’s just… uh…”

“Just do it already!”

He jumped at her tone and got up, standing there for a few seconds.

“What’s this about?” asked Sokka.

“Twinkletoes wants to say something, but he’s too much of a wet blanket to get it out.”

“No I’m not!”

“Then whatever it is, say it.”

He took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay.”

Toph expected this, because she had understood a while ago that when Aang was nervous about something, there were times where you needed to push him to actually do it. What she didn’t expect was for him to walk straight towards Zuko and stop in front of him.

“Uh, Z-Zuko? Can I ask you something?”

Zuko turned to him and nodded. “Yeah?”

“Uh… I just… I wanted to know… uh…” He took a deep breath. “Do you regret shooting me back in Ba Sing Se?”

The whole camp stilled at that question. Even Katara had stopped moving to hear his answer. They didn’t have to wait long for it.

“No.”

It was very easy to feel the rage fester in everyone at this word. Even Azula’s heartbeat jumped at that. The only one who seemed calm was Zuko, but she was pretty sure that he could tell how mad they all were at him.

“You… You don’t?”

“No. I do regret having to kill you, but I don’t regret doing it.”

Toph frowned, not understanding the difference.

“What do you mean by that?” Sokka gritted out.

He sighed. “Do you know what imprisonment would be like for you if you were caught?”

Aang shifted. “Zhao told me once that I would be kept alive, but just barely.”

“Precisely. In these kinds of conditions, you would just be rotting away in a cell while being chained up and unable to move. You would maybe be tortured, but you would definitely be suffering. In that instance, death would be a mercy. If I hadn’t shot to kill, you would have been knocked unconscious and captured. You would have been imprisoned for the rest of your life. And knowing my father, you would have been kept in gruesome conditions.”

The camp was silent as his words settled in. Toph felt a small urge to puke.

“So… you did this to help me?” Aang asked with bewilderment.

“Contrary to popular belief, I would rather not murder people, especially children. But I learned a while back that sometimes, it’s the kindest thing you can do for someone.”

“Oh… well, uh… thank you?”

“You do know you’re not supposed to thank someone for trying to kill you, right?” he deadpanned.

“Well… yeah, but-”

“Also, since we’re one that subject, I’m sorry I shot lightning at you, leading to you definitely dying before somehow resuscitating.”

Toph was very confused by where this conversation was going.

“Uh… yeah, that was Katara, she had some… spirit-y water?”

“Huh, so that’s how…”

“And… thanks for apologising?”

He shrugged. “It’s the least I can do.”

They stared at each other for a few more seconds before Aang awkwardly walked away and sat back down next to Toph.

“He’s weird,” he mumbled, probably to himself.

“Well, what do you expect? He’s crazy,” Sokka said before pausing. “Although, I guess his argument is sound? I mean, I certainly wouldn’t want to be locked away and tortured for the rest of my life. But the way he says it is very… disturbing.”

Suki shrugged. “At this point, I think that’s just how he talks. He apologised to me yesterday, and it was also pretty awkward.”

“Well, no matter how much apologising he does, that still doesn’t change the fact that he shouldn’t be here.”

“He did help Aang with one of his lessons today,” Toph said.

“Well… He’s probably just trying to get more information on us.”

“You do realise that I can tell if he’s lying, right? He was pretty truthful when he said he wanted to help us end the war.”

Sokka groaned. “Toph, did you just decide to take every royal firebender’s defence as soon as they try to join us? Like, I get it with Iroh, since he actually helped us, and sure, Azula turned out to be on our side, even if her priorities are a little skewered, but Zuko? Really? He’s like, the least trustworthy guy around!”

“I dunno, once you get over the fact that he’s got some disturbing views on the world, he is a good ally to have.”

“Disturbing? The guy probably likes to drink the blood of crab-chicks for breakfast!”

“You do know that raw blood tastes like shit, right?” said Zuko, making Sokka jump in his seat.

“How long have you been listening on us!?”

“This whole time? You’re loud.”

“See this? This is why I don’t like him.”

Toph snorted. “Because he tells you you should lower your voice? Snoozles, that’s a positive in my book.”

He ignored her. “Azula, can you tell your brother to go elsewhere and mind his business?”

“I am not a messenger, and my brother can hear you perfectly well from here.” She paused, and Toph was pretty sure that Zuko was whispering something to her. “Also he says the distance between you and him is perfectly reasonable.”

“Well I would rather we be on different continents, if you don’t mind.”

“That is definitely something I can agree on,” said Katara as she got closer to them. “But since he is here, because someone forced our hand, he might as well make himself useful. So, Your Highness, why don’t you come and help me serve everyone? And try not to throw anymore plates on the floor.”

“Sorry, I can’t.” A clinking sound rang out as he lifted both of his hands. “I’m cuffed.” For some reason, that made Azula groan loudly.

Katara would have probably retorted something if it weren’t for the sound of Suki failing to force down a laugh. They all turned to her, and Toph wondered why the fuck she found this so funny. Slowly but surely, Suki’s laugh escaped her and she doubled over.

“Oh no,” Azula whispered with unrestrained horror.

“Oh yes,” Zuko gasped with unadulterated glee.

“What? What’s happening?” Toph exclaimed, wondering if she was missing something she couldn’t sense.

“She knows,” both siblings replied with completely different tones.

Suki managed to calm her laughter down just enough to exclaim, “It’s in the second act!” with delight.

“Yes! It’s scene five!” Zuko exclaimed with excitement.

“Oh Spirits! Scene five!” She laughed even harder.

“Suki, you don’t know what you’ve just done,” Azula said faintly.

Zuko grabbed her and shook her excitedly. “Azula, she knows about the play!”

“No, not the play!”

“Yes the play!”

“Okay, now I’m just confused,” said Sokka as he patted Suki’s back.

Suki took a few breaths. “It’s… I-it’s… Oh Spirits… It’s a play called Musings of a Prisoner.”

“It is the worst play I’ve ever read,” Azula spat out.

“Excuse me, what?!”

“You heard me, it’s absolute garbage!”

Suki scoffed. “I’m sorry, I think I heard you incorrectly, you’re calling the absolute masterpiece that is Musings of a Prisoner garbage?”

“You see what I have to live with now?” Zuko asked dramatically. “Honestly, no taste whatsoever!”

Azula gasped. “You’re the one who has no taste! I mean, the dialogue is so fucking corny, it may as well pop under the summer heat!”

“But that’s why it’s so good!” Suki exclaimed. “I mean, have you even witnessed the banana monologue?”

“Oh Agni, no! Not the banana monologue!”

“What’s the banana monologue?” asked Aang.

“Only the greatest monologue put to paper,” said Zuko.

“No it’s not, it’s fucking dumb!”

He gasped dramatically. “It is fucking transcendent!”

Suki cleared out her throat. “I’m sorry, Azula, but if you hate the banana monologue, then you just have bad taste.”

“Wha- How is the banana monologue any good? It doesn’t advance the plot, it’s fucking stupid, and it takes up over a third of act three!”

Suki just sighed. “Zuko, I think your sister is kind of a buzz kill.”

“Thank you, at least someone sees it!”

“You know what? I’m done talking.”

The two ignored Azula, with Suki going so far as to get up and sit next to Zuko. “Okay, remember in the first act when Yī Nuò tries to run away but Kurusawa catches her? Well the play I saw made the actress playing Yī Nuò fall off-stage, and I am eighty per cent sure that that was actually just an accident and not supposed to happen.”

“Wait, you saw it being played?”

“Yeah, you haven’t?”

“No, you’re so lucky! What was it like?”

“It was the talk of the island for weeks! I mean, Jie and Nora, two Kyoshi Warriors, even tried to re-do the fight scene between Yī Nuò and Ming Tao. It was amazing!”

“Agni, that’s so cool! There was a troupe that played it in Caldera five years ago, I wish I could’ve seen it.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I was overworked.”

“You were overworked at thirteen?”

“Twelve, and yes. You would not believe the amount of shit I had to do. And even if that hadn’t been the case, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been allowed to see it.”

“Why?” Suki asked more seriously.

“Because Ozai’s a dick, duh. He’d overwork a toddler if he deemed it useful to him…” He paused. “Now that I think about it, he did.”

They all sat in silence imagining the very disturbing thought of a toddler being taught to fight. Like, Toph was a young fighter, but even she thought that that was pushing it.

“Just so we’re clear,” Toph said slowly, “who was the-”

“Me, I was the toddler.”

“Ah, right. Well that’s fucking depressing.”

“Well, most of my life is. Anyway, I was asked to help serve some dishes, I will now be doing that.”

As he walked off to the little kitchen area they had arranged, Toph couldn’t help but relate to his last words. It was funny, he had apparently been raised to fight and she had been raised to be dainty, and yet both of them could qualify their childhoods as depressing. Maybe Azula could also do that from what she’d said about her dad. She wouldn’t have thought that she would relate to the maniac that had terrorised them, but here she was.

“Azula,” Sokka said carefully. “Are you sure he’s like… fine?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… It’s just that there seems to be a lot of emotional whiplash going on around him. Like, one second he’s mad, and then the next he’s happy like nothing ever happened.”

She shrugged. “He’s always been like that. Although I guess it’s more because he was taught to hide everything he felt, so that may have to do with why you think he acts weird.”

“But you don’t act like that,” said Aang.

Suki nodded. “I mean, you seem a little closed off sometimes, but it’s not like someone suddenly flips a switch in your brain like with him.”

“Well, from what I remember, I’ve always been a bit better at hiding my emotions than him. So while I just did it with relative ease, he was forced to do it. I don’t know, maybe the behaviour stuck a little more with him because of that. But I don’t really see it.”

“I’ll be honest, Sizzles, I don’t think you’re the most perceptive in terms of what’s supposed to be normal.”

She sputtered. “What? Yes I am, of course I’m perceptive!”

“Eh…” said Katara as she came back with Zuko to give them their bowls. “Sometimes yes, but your views on life are a bit… weird.”

“I’m not weird! You’re weird!” She turned to her brother as he gave her he bowl. “Zuko, I’m good at knowing what’s normal, right?”

“Well… I wouldn’t qualify myself as an expert on what is normal, but I’d say you’re definitely… sharp.”

Two seconds of complete silence passed before Azula threw herself onto Zuko in an attempt to hit him. All the while, Zuko cackled like Toph would when she had found the right button to press on one of her friends to annoy them.

The rest of them just stayed behind to witness their fight as the others came along to eat. Chit Sang took one look at what was happening and turned around, while Hakoda got closer to his children to ask what was happening.

“I… don’t know,” Katara said slowly as Azula tried to strangle Zuko while shouting that he knew the consequences of his actions.

“Should we intervene?” Haru asked.

“I think that would just end up with the rest of us dead,” said Suki as Zuko threw Azula over his back and slammed her on the floor.

Well at the very least, Toph couldn’t argue that keeping the asshole around would be boring.

---

The pair eventually calmed down, which was good because Aang found watching the two siblings fight to be absolutely terrifying, even without fire. When they finally settled down to eat, they both had dirt and scrapes all over them, and he was pretty sure that Azula was going to develop a bruise on her cheek if it was left unchecked. But he couldn’t really blame Katara for taking her time to ask if she wanted it to be healed, because Azula still looked pissed even as she ate her lunch. Zuko just looked like he’d had the best time of his life, which was even more disturbing.

“What was this all about?” Hakoda asked at some point.

Zuko almost replied, but Azula stopped him with a very stern, “If you tell them, I’m stealing your knife again and stabbing you.”

“It was worth it,” he just said smugly.

Whatever that was about, Aang wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

After lunch, he walked away with Toph to work on his seismic sense, and also got one solitary hit on her while she got over twenty on him. He stopped counting after a while, it wasn’t worth the effort.

When they came back from training, he was surprised to find Zuko combing through Appa’s fur while talking to The Duke. He shouldn’t have been surprised, since Appa being all right around Zuko was the reason Aang decided to give him a chance, but it still felt weird to him. Well, Zuko being around them while not trying to kill them was weird in general.

Aang knew that he was being very flighty around Zuko, but then again it was hard to be around someone who resided in a lot of his nightmares. Part of him hoped that Zuko didn’t take it too personally, but now that he thought about it, it was personal. He had basically killed him, even if it was to save him from something worse. (He didn’t want to think about the conditions Zuko had described. He didn’t need more nightmares.) But now he was part of their group, especially if they wanted Azula to stick around, which he definitely wanted, so they all had to make an effort to somewhat get along, including Aang. Plus, it wasn’t like Zuko was being very antagonistic towards them, right? Suki even got along with him, and he had sent her to prison, and The Duke was starting to get very attached to him, so he had to be somewhat nice.

As he got closer to the three, he realised that Zuko was telling The Duke a story, one that The Duke seemed very keen on hearing.

“… But the mother didn’t want them to see each other, so she tore through the sky with her hairpin, creating a silver river to stop them from reuniting.”

“But that’s not fair, they just wanted to see each other again!”

“Well, there’s still a nice ending. Once a year, the family is reunited thanks to a bunch of magpie-shrimps creating a bridge for them.”

“Oh okay, that’s good. But the mum’s still mean.” They both looked up as Aang came along, and The Duke waved. “Hi, Aang.”

Aang waved back. “Hi… You guys doing alright?”

“Yeah, Zuko’s telling me a bunch of stories on stars! Did you know that the Sun Spirit cut off the heads of a bunch of other spirits, and those heads are now a bunch of stars?”

“I… did not know that.”

“Well now you do,” said Zuko.

“Oh, I should probably go check on Teo and Haru,” The Duke exclaimed. “They said they were gonna try to make a mini catapult with a dunch of small bricks!”

And with that, he ran off, leaving Aang and Zuko alone. At least Appa was here in case something bad happened.

“So, uh… How are things?” Aang asked awkwardly.

“Just… combing your bison… He’s got a lot of dirt on him.”

“Yeah, he likes to roll around sometimes…”

Silence.

“How’s your back?” Aang gave him a confused look. “You know, where I shot you?”

“Oh, uh… It’s alright?”

“Really? I would’ve thought you’d be in a lot of pain.”

“Well, I did meet someone who made it clear that I should be in pain, but Katara healed me really well.”

“That’s… That’s good… You really don’t feel any pain?”

“Well, sometimes my back feels sore even though I didn’t do anything particular, but that’s pretty much it.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” he said while rubbing his forearm. “You’re lucky your friend’s a good healer.”

“Yeah…”

“I know I’ve already said this earlier, but I’m sorry for doing that to you. Regardless of my reasons, I still shot to kill you.”

“Well… It happens?” What were you supposed to reply to that?

He huffed out a chuckle. “If it makes you feel any better, I felt like shit for doing it.”

“You didn’t seem all that torn up during the eclipse.”

He shrugged. “I knew you were alive for a while by that point.”

“Really? How?”

“Someone spotted you around the Crescent Isles and sent a report back to the Fire Lord. I intercepted it before he got it and elected to not give it to him.”

Aang’s eyes widened, shocked to learn that they had been so close to being found out. “Why did you do that?”

“I… I guess I just didn’t want to have to deal with it. The thought of killing you a second time…” He scowled. “I didn’t react too well to it the first time. In all honesty, I would have preferred to never hear about you again.”

“Oh…”

“But… I did feel a little relieved at the thought that… you know, I failed to kill you. Despite what others say, I don’t enjoy killing.”

Aang stayed silent for a minute, thinking over his words. Despite what Zuko had said earlier about not regretting killing Aang, he did clearly regret it. And Aang knew how important forgiveness was, and that if someone regretted their actions and actively tried to right their wrongs, they could be forgiven. And Zuko joining them to stop the war was definitely an active choice.

It was still a bit hard to imagine forgiving Zuko for killing him and hunting him and his friends down, but he did want to try.

“Then we were definitely lucky that you didn’t say anything,” Aang said with a smile. “If anything, you probably saved us a lot of trouble.”

Zuko stared at him and blinked. “Uh… I guess it wouldn’t have been the first time…”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… When me and my- Mai and Ty Lee fought against the Kyoshi Warriors, they had your bison with them. Technically, I should have tried to capture him along with them, but… uh… Look, he looked really tired and was in pretty bad shape, and what are you even supposed to do with a ten-foot bison, put him in an equally large cage? We were moving around, we didn’t have the space!” Appa grumbled, and Zuko turned to him. “No offense, but you don’t seem like an animal easily taken care of in a cage… Why are you laughing?”

Aang waved his hand, trying to apologise as he caught his breath back. “Sorry, it’s just… I’ve never seen you talk like that before, it’s just a bit weird.”

“Oh… Well, why would I talk like that to my enemies?”

“Yeah, that makes sense… Oh, you also helped us during the eclipse, right? I mean, you weren’t nice about it, but I guess we were out of time by that point.”

“Yeah… Although… it was kinda funny to make you guys run in circles.”

“Hey!”

“I’m just being honest, isn’t that what you want?”

“Yeah, but still hurts,” he pouted.

“Well… don’t you find it entertaining to see your opponents run around like headless pig-chickens?”

Aang’s first reaction was to say no, but then again… “Yeah, it is a little funny,” he admitted.

Appa grumbled a bit, probably in agreement.

Aang chuckled. “Well, thanks for helping Appa out, then. And for helping us during the eclipse. That was nice of you.”

Zuko’s face went through a lot of expressions in a very small amount of time. “Oh… uh… right… You’re welcome?”

Aang had the sudden feeling that the firebender didn’t get thanked a lot for being nice. “And thanks for helping me out with my form earlier! Also sorry for not wanting you to help me… You know, it’s… it’s just-”

“No no, I get it, don’t worry. I mean, I wouldn’t want someone who hurt me to help me train…” He frowned. “Uh… anyway, you’re welcome for that too. Glad to have helped.”

“Are you gonna help Azula teach me from now on?”

“Uh… I mean, I just came along to see how she taught, I wasn’t really… I didn’t expect to actually be helping out. I mean, I know nothing about teaching people, and I definitely wouldn’t want to take inspiration from my tutors.” He laughed nervously. “And Azula’s your teacher, not me. I’m just… I’m just here, I’m just…” He sighed and put his face in his hands. “For fuck’s sake, stop talking already…” He took a deep breath and turned back to Aang. “Sorry, I’m just really fucking tired.”

Aang smiled sympathetically. “That’s alright. I can tell.”

“Yeah…”

“Well, if you do decide to help Azula out with my lessons again, I’ll try to be less nervous.”

He nodded. “Okay, that sounds good.”

“Can I ask you something else?”

“Knock yourself out.”

“How do you keep predicting our moves when we fight? Like, it’s genuinely freaky sometimes.”

“Well… You see what your eathbending master does to feel stuff with her bending?”

“Toph’s seismic sense?”

“Yeah, that. Well it’s the same thing.”

Aang frowned in confusion. “But you’re a firebender.”

“Excellent observation.”

“But… how do you sense stuff with your bending? There’s nothing to touch!”

“Well then, I must be clairvoyant,” he shrugged while walking away.

“That doesn’t answer my question!”

“Too bad, Avatar, I need to go annoy my sister some more.”

Aang grumbled and turned to Appa just in time to be licked. He laughed.

“That went well, right?”

Appa growled.

“Okay, I think I see now why you took his side.”

Appa nudged his with his snout, looking very pleased with Aang’s assessment.

Aang couldn’t help but feel like things would be going well from now on.

---

An hour before the sun rose, Zuko got to his feet, which made Azula jump like crazy but he didn’t care. It had been exactly three days since he had last trained, and it was all his mind could think about. Sure, he was wearing cuffs, but that wasn’t an excuse to slack off. Nothing was an excuse to slack off.

“Zuzu, you do know you can, you know, take a break?”

“I’ve already taken a multi-day break, Azula. I need to get back to it.”

She sighed as if he was being the most unreasonable person on the planet. “Fine, I’ll do it with you.”

They ended up meditating first. A bit before the sun rose, the Avatar joined them, and from what Zuko could feel, he seemed much more relaxed than the previous day. Seemed like their weird conversation had ended up bringing some good.

Once they finished meditating, Azula suggested that Zuko just sit around like yesterday and watch the Avatar’s lesson. He did not agree, electing to instead find some place that wasn’t too far from the camp, but still far enough to be alone and train. He had been feeling a bit odd and he didn’t want people witnessing any bad firebending form coming from him. (The flame he had made for The Duke had felt so… off. As if it wouldn’t even burn if he tried.)

He did his warm ups first, which was a little hard for his arms, but he did find some way to wake them up. Then, he went through his katas out cold as best as he could, because again, there was only so much he could do with a chain linking his hands. Then, he finally tried to do the most simple, basic move he knew, and punched a flame out.

A chill ran through him at what he saw. Complete and utter denial took hold of him as he figured that he just hadn’t done the move properly. (He had, he could do it in his sleep.) So he did it again. And again. And again. And again. Again. Again, again, again, again, again again again again againagainagainagainagain-

He stopped and just stood there, feeling his heart quicken its pace as the conclusion he was trying so desperately to avoid crashed on him. His flame was small. Weak. His inner flame felt so cold, so empty, as if it was just the afterimage of what it was meant to be. What he was meant to be.

What was happening to him?

He started trembling, but refused to let his panic overtake him. There had to be something he could do right. He went through every form he could do with his hands bound, but nothing changed. The flames he produced were the same small pathetic little things that even Azula had surpassed after a few months of training. His fire was still blue, but it felt colourless to him, faded into practically nothing.

Could it even burn?

He conjured a flame in his hand, which appeared far smaller than he wanted it. He glared at it and slammed his hand onto his exposed lower leg, before immediately jumping away from the pain. He would have never thought that he would feel relief from seeing his skin redden, but here he was. At least his fire wasn’t completely useless. (At least he wasn’t completely useless.)

But firebending was about more than just making fire. He managed to find a random boulder that one of the earthbenders had probably left there, breathed in, and kicked the boulder. It cracked under his hit, which was good. It meant he could still produce energy. He was also able to produce heat, and he could also sense it around him, so he hadn’t lost any of those abilities either.

What about lightning? He swallowed as he moved his hand in a circular motion, and sighed in relief as he felt the air around it change and crackle. But then it occurred to him. What if it wasn’t as powerful as before like his fire? What if all this time he had been forced to spend honing this ability had been wasted by this… this… whatever this was? A block? A moment of weakness? A loss of ability? Was it permanent? He couldn’t have spent all this time suffering just for it to leave him!

He wasn’t proud of his next action, but it was all he could think of to test the strength of his electricity. He brought his hand to his still red lower leg and electrocuted himself, making him cry out and fall to his knees in pain. But the pain quickly subsided in his mind as he realised with horror that while that had hurt, it hadn’t hurt as much as it should have. It wasn’t what he had meant to do.

It was weak.

He was weak.

He was well aware that he wouldn’t last a second in the world if he was weak.

“Look at you.”

He crossed his legs and put his face in his hands, trying to will himself to stop panicking.

“You’ve ruined everything.”

His father’s words crawled on him as he tried to ignore them, to remember that the man wasn’t there.

“All of this hard work wasted. Do you know how pathetic you look right now?”

A whimper escaped his throat, but it was only thing he would let out.

“This is why you belong to me. Without me, you are just this useless little dog who can even think for itself. No one will ever care for such an utterly disgusting creature like y-”

“No.”

“No?”

“She’ll care,” he whispered.

“Oh, is that what you think?”

“She will care. She said so herself.”

“She lied, just like everyone else in your life. Everyone lies.”

He shook his head. “Then I’ll just have to trust that she didn’t.”

He waited for a reply, for the disembodied voice to laugh and mock him, but nothing came. Zuko took a deep breath, relieved that at least this was over with. Now for his actual problem-

He turned around as he heard footsteps getting closer, and stood up with confusion as the Water Tribe father appeared looking more than a little concerned.

“Is everything okay? Are you alright?”

Zuko blinked. “Yes?”

He exhaled. “I heard a scream coming from here, was that you?”

“I tripped,” he said quickly, hoping to hide how mortified he was at the thought of everyone hearing him shout.

“You… tripped?” he asked as he got a little closer. Zuko stayed firmly in place. “It sounded a little more distressing tha-”

“I wasn’t distressed,” he said as calmly as possible. “It must have been the echo making it sound more alarming than what it was. I’m fine.”

He took another step forward. “Are you su-”

“I’m fine, sir,” he repeated sternly, and took great pride at the small flinch he got out of the man. He may be going through a few troubles with his bending, but at least his presence could still be feared. “Is that all?”

“Ah, well… I know it’s a little late, but I wanted to apologise for startling you when I woke you up last time.”

Zuko just stared, wondering why the man was even bothering to apologise. “Sorry for kicking you in the guts.”

He huffed out a laugh. “You’ve definitely got a lot of strength…” His eyes moved to the broken boulder. “Was… Was that you?”

“Yes.”

The man just hummed, but Zuko could tell that he was a little nervous. “You must have trained a lot to get to that level.”

And now all that training was going down the drain.

“I suppose.” Now can you please leave?

He didn’t like the way the man stared at him. There was far too much pity in his eyes even though Zuko was the less pitiable person around.

“I’ve heard a lot of things about you,” the man said almost offhandedly before Zuko could voice his annoyance. “You’re definitely not what I expected.”

“I could say the same thing here,” he shrugged, earning a confused look from the man. “Chief Hakoda of the Southern Water Tribe,” he quoted from one of those reports talking about a fleet that kept ruining a bunch of naval plans. “I don’t know, I expected someone a bit more… stern. Definitely not someone who would apologise for getting kicked.”

He seemed a little perplexed by this. “Well, I guess I was a bit too close to you. And what would I even say, ‘don’t kick me in your sleep as an act of learned self-defence’?” He spoke as if this was a ridiculous thing to ask, but Zuko could easily picture Ozai demanding this from him. “A lot of people talk about you like you’re some war-hardened beast.”

“I think the exact term would be Ozai’s bitch,” he corrected pleasantly.

“Ah… I suppose… But it’s pretty clear that neither of us really fit the description people make of us.”

“No, I fit it pretty well. If it weren’t for Azula, I would be back at the palace grovelling before that maniac.”

He frowned. “You… don’t speak very highly of him.”

“Why would I? He tried to kill my sister.”

He nodded. “I could definitely imagine my kids reacting that way if I did that. Not that I would, of course.”

“Yeah, you seem to… genuinely like your kids?” He reminded him a bit of Sensu’s dad in that sense. He seemed like he would take a beating for his kids without a second thought.

He chuckled. “Glad to know that it’s visible.”

He seemed to want to ask something else, but he took too much time and Zuko was finding his willingness to interact with people begin to dwindle. And it was only morning.

“Well, this was a nice talk. Can I be alone now?”

He hesitated, but the man eventually nodded. “I think lunch will be ready soon, but take your time.”

“Right.”

Once he was finally alone, Zuko let himself sigh deeply. Interacting with people he needed to be on his best behaviour around was hard. The rest of the group wasn’t really all that hard to deal with since he could be snarky and annoying and they couldn’t do shit about it if they wanted Azula to stick around. But the Water Tribesman was a different story. He may be part of the group, but he was older and could probably overrule everyone else’s plans and decide that Zuko was too much of a liability to keep, no matter how much they wanted to keep Azula with them. And, well… he also reminded him of Ozai on a subconscious level, but that was just because he was a leader and a father. But since his son literally broke into a high security prison to get him out, Zuko guessed that he was probably much better than Ozai in the ‘father’ department. He knew he definitely wouldn’t be trying to save Ozai if he were thrown in an enemy prison.

He spent the rest of the morning trying to conjure a bigger flame, hoping that his earlier attempts had just been flukes. They hadn’t. Zuko honestly just wanted to lie down and cry. He was actually about to when The Duke suddenly appeared to tell him that lunch was ready. That was fine, he could cry later. At least The Duke distracted him by asking him how geodes were created.

Lunch went well for the most part. The group was a little less tense around him than before, probably because of his and Suki’s massive excitement around Musings of a Prisoner made him look a bit more like a human being (which wasn’t true but he wasn’t about to correct them).

Well, not everyone. That prisoner who came with them looked like he wanted to run every time he so much as saw Zuko, and the Water Tribe siblings were less than thrilled about him being around. The funny thing was that they had very different ways of showing it. The brother seemed to just act as if Zuko wasn’t there, and when he couldn’t do that, he would just frown and try to insult him in dumb ways. The sister on the other hand made it very clear that she knew Zuko was there by glaring at him at every chance she got, and also insulting him in dumb ways. Guess they had that in common. She also kept switching between making him do chores and forbidding him from participating in anything that could help the group, so that was a bit confusing. Maybe she was also confused? He wouldn’t hold it against her, everything was confusing.

After lunch, Azula started nagging him about the burn on the back of his neck again, which reminded him of the one on his leg. It wasn’t all that painful, the skin was just red, but it was a little uncomfortable now that he was wearing his boots, even with the cloth he had quickly covered it with. Still, he maintained the fact that the waterbender probably wouldn’t want to heal him, and he had no intentions of explaining why he had burned his leg. Telling everyone that his bending wasn’t functioning properly could be a death sentence for him. And Azula… well, even though she had been very adamant about caring for him as a person and not for his usefulness, he still had this nagging, ridiculous, but still very persistent feeling that she wouldn’t be singing the same tune if she realised that he was weakened. Plus, it was probably just a one-day thing, right? He was just tired, that was all. He hadn’t been training and still felt constantly exhausted, so those factors were probably the things impacting his performance. Yeah… Yeah, that was all it was. He would be back to his usual standards soon enough.

And even so, it wasn’t like his bending was currently needed, right? There was no harm in keeping his defectiveness to himself.

The two of them started debating over whether or not Zuko should attend more of the Avatar’s firebending training when the Water Tribe brother came out of nowhere, leaving their conversation unresolved.

“Hey, Azula!” He paused. “And you…”

Azula gave him an unimpressed look. “What do you want?”

“Well, I was just thinking that we could get back to our regularly scheduled sparring sessions!”

“Sparring does sound nice,” she hummed. “Can he come watch?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh- Could he not?” Azula just glared at that. “Okay, fine, why not? Though I don’t see what he’ll get out of this.”

“The satisfaction of watching his sister beat you up?”

“Hey, I’ve won some of our rounds!”

“Yeah, like one in nine of them.”

“I’m getting good, you said it yourself!”

“I’m not contradicting myself!”

“Yes you are!”

“No I’m not!”

The two did eventually start sparring.

Contrary to what the guy thought, Zuko got a lot out of watching people swordfight. It was probably one of those instances where you would obsess over something you couldn’t experience. He had always loved watching Azula and Lu Ten learn how to use swords, even more so when they would also teach him something. Lu Ten had even gone so far as to give him lessons on using dual dao swords, which had probably been one of the highlights of that particular year. But Ozai had never been keen on him learning the art of the blade, saying that he had to focus on his bending more. It was funny that the man had unintentionally pushed Zuko to love weapons even more, because if he couldn’t use any of them, he would research as many things as possible about them.

It was clear from watching the two that Azula was far more experienced. Her stance was on point and her technique was practically flawless. Like for everything she was good at, Zuko was very proud of her. The Water Tribe guy was… well, he wasn’t bad or anything, but Zuko had to question some of his strategic choices, like when he tried to feign an opening in a very obvious way to the point where he didn’t block Azula’s opposite attack. Having seen him fight twice with this sword, it was obvious that he was still getting a bit used to the weapon. If he wasn’t such a dick about Zuko being here, he would have actually complemented him on some of his moves.

As the two kept sparring, The Duke appeared and sat down next to Zuko. They both watched the two before The Duke tapped Zuko’s arm.

“Can I show you something?” he asked while holding his helmet firmly on his knees, as if to hide something underneath.

“Sure,” Zuko smiled.

The Duke put his helmet back on his head, revealing half a geode sitting on his knees. The crystals inside where a nice purple-ish red, and the smooth outside of the stone had swirls and little fish and stars painted blue on it. He handed it to Zuko, who took his time looking at all the drawings.

“You did this?”

“Toph opened it, but I painted it. Do you like it?”

“Yeah, it’s really good. Is that a squid?”

“Yeah, like the one you talked to me about!”

“Nice. And I’m guessing these are the stars from Orihime and Hikoboshi,” he smiled while pointing at a few well-placed stars. The Duke nodded. “Awesome. What are those little lines for?”

“They’re fire.”

“You painted the fire blue?”

“Yeah, ‘cause it’s your fire!”

Oh, that was… “I suppose that makes sense. It goes well with the crystals,” he said calmly while handing him back the geode.

But The Duke shook his head. “It’s for you!”

He blinked. “Oh… that’s…” He looked down at the geode and felt something swirl in him. The kid painting this for him was very… sweet.

"That's nice of him."

“You don’t deserve it.”

“Thank you,” he smiled. “I’ll try to make sure it doesn’t break.”

The Duke grinned excitedly and threw himself at Zuko to hug him. “Yeah!”

Zuko huffed out a laugh and tried to pat The Duke, which was a bit hard because of his cuffs. Oh Agni, he should’ve found the time to cry earlier, because his eyes were getting watery.

“He should be spitting at you right now, not hugging you.”

The Duke looked up at him. “Can you show me your fire again?”

He chuckled. “Sure.” A little flame was fine.

As he made it, he realised that the sound of swords clashing against each other had stopped, and turned to Azula looking at the two of them with a smile, and the Water Tribe guy acting as if he wasn’t looking at them in a very conspicuous manner. Zuko turned back to The Duke looking practically enchanted to see him flame, which was a rare sight for him. The only people to have looked at his fire like that had been Azula, Mai and Ty Lee. Lu Ten might have also done so, but he had already been dead by the time it had turned blue. Everyone else looked at it with fear or nervousness, and Ozai looked at it like an opportunity. And Zuko… well, his fire had always been a part of him, obviously, and for all intents and purposes, he liked it. But it was hard to see it as his sometimes. Sometimes, he just felt detached from it, like it didn’t really belong to him, just like how his body didn’t seem to fully belong to him, or even his mind on some occasions.

The only time he really looked at his blue fire like it was fully his had been when it had changed colour, but that had been short-lived.

(“Azula! Azula!”

He practically crashed into his sister’s room, which made her jump as she stopped doing her homework.

“What?”

“Something happened! I don’t know how it happened or why or-”

“Hey, slow down, I can’t even understand you!”

“Okay, just… just look.”

He brought out his hands and conjured a flame. Looking at it, he wanted to jump around and cheer until his throat hurt.

“It’s… blue.”

“It’s blue!”

“How… How did that happen?”

“I don’t know, I was just training and… and it just happened!”

She stared at the flame it shock for a few seconds, then grinned. “This is awesome!”

“Yeah!”

“How does it even work?”

“I don’t know!”

“Does it feel any different?”

“I don’t know!”

“Wow!”

“Wow!”

They both burst out laughing, and Azula took his hands to look at the flame more closely.

“It looks so cool!”

Zuko felt like he could combust on the spot with how happy he felt. He didn’t know why he felt so happy, but it felt like his fire turning blue was a good thing. Something to be proud of. Master Kentarō had looked so shocked when it had changed, but Zuko hadn’t been able to see anymore of his reaction because he had to show it to his sister right that moment.

It just felt so… so right, like something had woken up inside of him. It was certainly a nice change after feeling so muted for so long.

He smiled at the flame. Whatever the cause for it to change was, he absolutely loved it!

“Prince Zuko!”

His back suddenly straightened as his smile dropped, the flame disappearing from his hands as he rushed to place them to his side. He turned around to see Father’s disapproving frown as he stood in the room’s doorway.

“Your instructor told me you ran off from your lessons. Is that true?”

Zuko didn’t know if he preferred it when Father talked with this calm voice when he was angry, or when he straight up yelled at him. Probably the second one, he was never sure what to do when he sounded like this.

“Yes, Father.”

His frown deepened. “He also told me you did something worth noting, although the idiot couldn’t even say it. What did you do?”

His body wanted to tremble, but he wouldn’t let it. He walked towards his father and stopped, hoping that what he was about to show him wouldn’t get him punished. Zuko had seen his fire turning blue as a good thing, but now that Father was here and being angry, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

Still, he had to show it, so he took a deep breath and presented his flamed to his father.

Zuko watched as Father’s frown left his face while his eyes widened. He took Zuko’s hand and brought it closer to him to examine it, and Zuko made sure to stay as still as possible. Father’s expression slowly morphed into a smile, a smile that clearly held pride in it. His eyes also held something that Zuko had seen before when he presented the latest katas he had learned to him, but here it was much more intense. If Zuko didn’t have any context for this expression, he would have said that he looked hungry.

His smile then turned to Zuko as he placed his hand on his shoulder. “I already knew you were prodigious, but this is far better than what I could have hoped.”

Zuko let himself try a small smile. “Is it good?”

“Oh, Zuko, This is far better than good. The likelihood of a firebender having a flame with a colour such as yours is incredibly rare, let alone it changing at such a young age.” His hand moved to caress Zuko’s cheek. “You are even better than I could have imagined.”

Zuko’s chest swelled with pride at those words, at the attention he was getting. It felt so good.

“Thank you, Father.”)

Sometimes, Zuko would wonder what would have happened if his fire had never turned blue. Would things have been better? Would he be less heinous? Less disgusting? When it had changed colour, it had felt like something good, but in hindsight, it probably just signified how much of a monster he now was.

Sometimes, he wished it would burn him from the inside out.

Ursa would have probably been horrified if she had stayed long enough to see it. He could picture her reaction clear as day even though he couldn’t remember her face.

But The Duke didn’t seem to see it that way. He saw it as something worth drawing on a geode to give as a gift. He saw it as something cool to look at. Zuko wished he could turn back time and see it that way again, but now, while he undeniably loved his fire, he couldn’t help but resent and hate it at the same time. The fact that it wasn’t obeying him anymore didn’t help.

An idea popped into his head as he felt that Azula still hadn’t moved.

“Hey Azzy, you wanna show him formed fire?”

“Oh, uh…”

“What’s formed fire?” exclaimed The Duke.

“It’s when you make shapes with fire,” Zuko explained.

“That’s so cool! Can you show me?”

“Well… I’m not exactly good at it…”

Zuko snorted. “Well it’s better than what I can do, which is nothing because someone didn’t teach me how to do it.”

“Hey, I was busy!”

“Busy plotting to run away?”

She frowned at him, which he responded with a smug grin.

“Okay fine, I’ll do a rectangle or something.”

She did in fact do a rectangle, which was pretty cool. The Duke got a bit too excited over it and started asking her too many shapes to make. Even the Water Tribe guy looked interested.

The rest of the day went well. Dinner went well. Him and Suki even continued their discussion on Musings of a Prisoner, to Azula’s utter dismay. Zuko made sure to wrap the geode in some cloth and put it somewhere safe in Azula’s bag, since he didn’t have a bag of his own. If you didn’t count the morning, the day had gone well. After dinner, Zuko excused himself saying that he had to find a place to relieve himself. Once he was finally alone, he sat down with a sigh, held his knees tightly, and cried.

He cried because of how empty he felt, because of how useless he felt. He cried because he didn’t deserve Azula’s love, or to be given a chance by the group, or to be given something by The Duke. He cried because he knew deep down that his only place in the world was by Ozai’s feet, and that even then it was because Ozai had allowed him to be there. He cried because he didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what to feel, and yet he felt so angry and miserable, and every time he felt even an ounce of joy he knew he didn’t deserve it. He cried because he wanted something in his life to finally make a modicum of sense, but it never would because he didn’t deserved it. He cried because everyone despised him, and he despised himself, and Azula probably despised him even if she didn’t want to admit it. He cried because even though there were no voices or things that weren’t supposed to be there, everything still felt too fucking loud in his head.

He jumped as something chirped near him, and looked up to see the blurry form of the lemur that kept following him. Zuko wiped away some of his tears and focused on the heat around him to make sure that the lemur was really there, but that worry was quickly pushed away when the lemur rubbed its head on Zuko’s leg.

He stared as it then climbed his legs and stared into his eyes, before licking his face. Then it rushed to Zuko’s shoulders and nudged his wet cheeks with its face over and over, which made Zuko realise that it probably wanted pets. So Zuko obliged, happy to know that at least the lemur wouldn’t judge the tears that were already starting to flow again. The lemur rubbed its face more and more, before putting its arms around Zuko’s neck and face. He looked up in confusion, especially as it kept rubbing his face, but… Oh, it was hugging him.

Zuko sighed and leaned back, giving it a bit more space to sit between his lap and chest. The lemur chirped appreciatively a few times before propping its head under Zuko’s chin and purring very loudly.

He gave it a small smile as his tears kept rolling. “Thanks, Momo.”

The lemur cooed in response and stayed in its spot until Zuko stopped crying. After that, him and Momo returned to the camp, with Zuko feeling a little less shitty about his situation. The lemur did not leave his shoulders even as he went to hug Azula.

“Is everything okay?” she asked.

She sounded worried. Zuko didn’t want her to worry.

So instead, he just sighed and whispered, “I’m tired.”

“Yeah, me too. Let’s go to bed.”

He hummed and followed her, feeling far too drained to do anything else. By this point, the earthbender had already stopped trapping him to the floor when he slept, so they could take a bit more time to settle down. They both sat down on her cot, and he stayed still as she slowly untied his hair and combed through it with her fingers. He leaned in, wanting nothing more than to feel her touch.

He didn’t deserve her.

“I love you,” he whispered, as if saying it too loudly would make her say the opposite.

But her smile was far too warm to be deceiving, her touch far too gentle as she hugged him to mean him any harm. He breathed in deeply as he hugged her back, hoping that she knew how much he loved her, how much affection his whole being held for her. Even if he was useless now, he would do anything for her.

“I love you too,” she whispered back. He held her just a little tighter, hoping to keep this moment in his memory forever.

He fell asleep in her arms, the only place left where he was still somehow worth anything.

Chapter Text

For a moment, she was back on her ship, a deafening sound blasting through her ears. The ground trembled as she frantically got up, expecting a nearby enemy charging at her with murderous intent. But there was only smoke, along with the sound of nearby airships.

Another blast rung.

She staggered around as her heartbeat increased, hearing the voices of her teammates but unable to see them. A hand grabbed her, and she prepared to strike before being stopped. She blinked as the dust tried to settle into her eyes, but recognised Zuko holding her with one hand while holding The Duke’s hand in his other. The poor kid looked terrified.

“Don’t worry, it’s just me,” he said calmly despite the situation they were in.

“This is a dream, right?” It felt like one, she could barely see anything.

“I don’t think so.”

“Guys!”

They turned to see Toph appear from the dust cloud. She looked dishevelled.

“We’re under attack!”

“No shit,” Zuko muttered.

“We’re trying to get Appa through a tunnel, but he won’t budge. Take my hand!”

The Duke took her hand, and she guided them through the dust to the rest of the group. Aang sighed in relief as he saw them, and let go of Appa’s reigns.

“It’s no use, Appa hates tunnels!”

Appa accentuated this point by loudly growling and backing away from the bent tunnel.

“Aang, there’s no way we can fly out of here,” Katara said frantically.

“Then we’ll have to find a way!”

“Appa can’t carry all of us, we need to split up,” said Sokka as he turned to Teo, Haru, Hakoda and Chit Sang. “Take the tunnel and get to the stolen airship.”

“There’s a manual on the third compartment to the right of the steering wheel,” Zuko added, still holding onto Azula and The Duke’s hands.

Katara ran to her father. “No! We can’t let the Fire Nation separate our family again!”

“It’ll be okay,” Hakoda said as soothingly as you reasonably could when being under siege. “It’s not forever. We’ll see each other again, I promise.”

A few tears fell from her eyes. “You can’t promise that.”

“No, but we can only hope.”

As Hakoda hugged both of his children, Zuko let go of Azula’s hand and turned to The Duke.

“You need to go with them.”

“What? No! I’m light enough, I can come with you!”

“It’s not safe out there.”

“Then come with me!” he shouted as his tears started flowing.

He grabbed Zuko’s waist tightly, which made Zuko sigh. “I can’t. You need to go.”

“No!”

“Please.”

Another explosion rang out.

He sniffed. “You’ll come back, right?”

“I’ll try,” Zuko said while patting his head.

“Promise?”

He nodded. “Promise.”

Reluctantly, The Duke let go.

Zuko bent down slightly and took his shoulder. “And you promise to stay safe.” The Duke nodded and wiped his tears from his face. “Good. Good luck.”

Haru came to take The Duke’s hand, and the group quickly ran into the tunnel with their only light source coming from Chit Sang’s hand. The rest of them started trying to quickly find ways to give themselves enough time to fly away without being attacked, because there probably wasn’t only one airship attacking them.

“We need a distraction,” Zuko said plainly while still staring at the dark tunnel.

“Oh yeah?” said Katara, somehow still carrying some annoyance in her voice. “Like what?”

“Something big.” He turned to Azula and gave her a pointed look. “Flashy.”

Azula immediately caught on and nodded. “Alright, you all get on Appa and we’ll distract them.”

“What are you gonna do?” Aang shouted over another explosion.

“Something dangerous.”

“Something stupid,” Zuko added as he pulled her away.

“Something ridiculous!” she also added as they left the rest of them to fly off. “Catch us when you can!”

“What!?”

Neither of them had time to explain, instead needing to run through the smoke and climb up as may stairs as they could. Good thing Zuko could sense things without seeing them, because otherwise they would have been completely lost.

“The airships are this way, right?” he asked as they got closer and closer to the deafening sound.

“Yes, can’t you hear them?”

“It’s too loud!”

After a few more steps, they stopped in the smoke.

“I need you to make it bigger,” he said.

“Can’t you do it on your o-”

“Just do it now!”

Okay, now his nerves were getting to him like the rest of them.

They both got into position, and Azula breathed in to make sure to get the best result. They both moved and shot out a massive blast of their combined fire, big enough to get the attention of all the airships. The blast also pushed away the smoke surrounding them, now also making them visible to the airships.

“Time to test that theory,” Zuko muttered before running off. “Fight me!”

Azula responded by shooting fire at him, which he easily dispelled even with his shackles still on. They proceeded to trade blow after blow, with Zuko making sure that his fire wasn’t too strong, which was nice because Azula still wasn’t fully awake even with all the madness happening around her. As long as the people on the airships could see the colour of his fire and them fighting each other, it would be enough for them to think that Zuko was still on Ozai’s side.

This diversion seemed to work since the explosions stopped ringing out, with one of the airships going so far as to fly closer to them, which wasn’t very ideal. So Azula got a little closer to Zuko and grabbed the chain connecting his cuffs to feign kicking her knee to his chin. Thankfully, he noticed this and went along with the movement, so she didn’t actually kick him. He fell backwards and she grabbed him just like at the Boiling Rock. She ran off, glad to see that the airships still weren’t firing, and jumped over the ledge as she saw Appa flying towards them. They safely landed on the saddle and Appa flew off, unimpeded by any explosives.

“Why aren’t they firing at us anymore?” Aang asked.

Zuko slowly got up to sit at the back of the saddle once they were out of sight from the three airships.

“They came here for me,” he said almost blandly. “It would defeat the purpose of coming here if they killed me along with you all.”

Azula and Sokka quickly figured out a route to some place relatively safe on an island mostly populated by small agricultural towns, and then the rest of the group started talking about random things while hoping that the others had made it out safely. Katara and Sokka seemed particularly nervous, which was fair.

Zuko just stayed at the back, looking very pensive, so Azula joined him to make sure that he wouldn’t feel too lonely in such a cramped space where people still didn’t fully like him.

“Thanks for pulling back,” she smiled.

He just hummed and stared into nothing. Azula got the memo that he was still tired and just sat besides him, hoping that their journey wouldn’t be too long. For his first flight on Appa, Zuko didn’t seem all that freaked out, which was a bit weird since she remembered being pretty internally freaked out back at the North Pole. But he seemed bored if anything, which was an interesting reaction.

As the sun started to set, they landed in a clearing near the edge of a forest looking down on a town visible in the distance. That meant that it was the perfect place to settle down since it was far enough from nosy people while also being close enough to civilization in case they needed some supplies. Once they took a few moments to sigh in relief, they all started unpacking to make their camp, except for Zuko because Katara wouldn’t let him touch any of their bags, which seemed to mildly annoy him.

“Alright, team meeting!” Sokka announced. “First off, we need to know if we’re in danger of being constantly chased again like in the good old days. Azula, what’s your verdict?”

She crossed her arms and thought about it. “I mean, we should probably move again soon just in case, but I think we can stick around for a day or two before leaving.”

“But it probably won’t stop,” Zuko added. “If Ozai is looking for me, that means he wants me back. We need to be careful and stay low.”

“Don’t worry, Zuko,” Aang smiled. “We’re pretty good at not being noticed.”

Azula and Zuko shared a look, confirming that both of them found this statement highly dubious.

“Okay, so next point,” said Sokka. “What next? Do we have a destination in mind or are we gonna move around until Aang’s ready to face the Fire Lord?”

“You mean until the comet,” Zuko corrected.

“Actually, we were planning on doing that after the comet,” said Aang.

Azula eyes widened as he said that. “What? I thought we all had a deadline!”

Aang shifted a bit. “Well, yeah, but I’m not ready for that. I mean, I’m still at the beginning of my firebending training.”

“And your earthbending could also use some work,” added Toph.

“Exactly, I’m not ready to face the Fire Lord yet.”

Azula stared at the rest of the group in complete bewilderment as her heart started to race. “When did you plan this? Why didn’t any of you tell me?”

“You’re always a bit intense when we talk about him,” said Sokka. “We just thought it would be better to tell you later.”

“Later? And what do you mean ‘intense’? I’m not intense! I’m a normal amount of worried because that man is a fucking maniac!”

“Well, if Aang tries to confront him by the end of summer, he’ll lose! No offense, Aang.”

“None taken.”

Katara sighed, as if Azula was being unreasonable. “Azula, the whole point of fighting the Fire Lord before the comet was to stop the Fire Nation from winning the war, but they pretty much won it when you took Ba Sing Se,” Azula naturally winced at that. However, Zuko didn’t, even though he was the one being pointed at. “Things can’t get any worse now.”

Zuko let out a dry chuckle. “Here’s some free advice, things can always get worse.”

Suki frowned. “How?”

“He planning on burning down a good portion of the Earth Kingdom on the day of the eclipse,” he said matter-of-factly, a contrast to everyone’s shock. “Apparently there are still too many rebellions for his liking, and since the war isn’t technically over, he sees it as the best way to make it so.”

“But that’s… that’s monstrous,” said Katara. “I mean, a whole country?”

“I won’t be ready,” Aang said in a small voice. “I… I can’t do this. Why didn’t you tell me? I won’t be ready! I-”

“Yes you will,” Zuko said calmly. “We’ve still got a little less than two months to get you to the right level.”

“And you won’t be alone,” Katara continued while holding Aang’s shoulder. “We’ll all be right there with you.”

“Yeah,” Toph exclaimed. “If we fight him together, we’ll definitely have a chance!”

“And we’ll do it before the comet,” Azula added. “There’s no way we’re leaving this to the last minute.”

Sokka nodded. “Definitely. I suggest we find a place to settle down so that you can get a maximum amount of practice.”

Aang took a deep breath and smiled. “Thanks guys. Sorry I freaked out, I just…”

The group cut him off by hugging him, with Zuko and Azula standing awkwardly to the side. Then Sokka grabbed Azula to be in the group hug, which she didn’t mind, but Zuko was still standing further away from them, which she did mind. Momo came along to pat Aang on the head, before flying off to Zuko to sit on his shoulder, so at least he wasn’t alone. Still, she gave him an apologetic wince, which he shrugged at before petting Momo.

“Don’t worry, we get it,” Suki smiled. “There’s a lot on your shoulders, but you don’t have to carry it alone.” They all nodded at that as they broke away from the hug.

“Thanks,” Aang sniffed slightly. At least he looked a little less freaked out.

“So back to the original question, are we going somewhere in particular?” Toph asked.

Azula shrugged. “I don’t know, as long as we lay low, I think we’ll be fine.” Which meant that they would probably start getting in trouble by tomorrow.

“Since we’re near a town, I think we should head there tomorrow to buy some food,” said Katara. “It’s not like we had a lot of time to pack everything up.”

“Do we even have enough money for that?” Suki asked.

Aang, Katara and Sokka all winced at that, while Toph shrugged. “No clue, we haven’t had to use money for a while.”

“I don’t think we’ll have enough to buy a lot, but at least we can get the basics,” said Katara.

Well, Azula also had her own stash of money, but that was more for emergencies than anything else.

Still, she nodded. “I’ll come along. Maybe I can barter lower prices for you.”

“There are wanted posters for you,” Zuko said.

She groaned. “Shit.” Of course there were.

“That’s alright, I’ve been to plenty of places with wanted posters of me,” said Aang.

“And he wonders why he’s so easy to find,” Zuko muttered as Momo started undoing his hair, which he didn’t seem to mind all that much. Good thing he didn’t wear his crown anymore, because she didn’t want the lemur to handle any sharp objects.

Azula snorted. “I’ll just wear a hood or something. We won’t be staying long anyway.”

With that, they all started to wind down, except for her and Aang because she wanted him to go through the last katas they had learned. As right as he was that he was nowhere near mastering firebending, that didn’t mean that he didn’t have a knack for it. He was still a bit too shy with his movements, but she could tell that he would get over it in time. They just had to keep working on it. Maybe she should ask Zuko again about helping her with Aang’s training, he seemed to be able to spot what was wrong with Aang’s movements well enough.

Once Aang’s admittedly short training session was over, they went back to the camp to see that food was ready. Aang went straight to the ground to eat, but Azula was stopped by Zuko asking her to talk about something. Katara and Sokka shot them suspicious looks as they walked away, so Azula gave them a small smile, hoping to convey that everything was fine and could they stop thinking that he’s trying to kill everyone for five minutes please?

Once they were far from the camp, but still close enough to spot the campfire’s glow, Zuko stopped walking and turned to her with a very serious expression.

“I’m actually still on Ozai’s side and planning on betraying all of you.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

Before she could even start thinking about the implications of what he’d just said, he held out his hand. “Sorry, I just wanted to make sure that they couldn’t hear us. Forget I said that.”

She exhaled, feeling her heart beat a little to fast. “Zuko, while I respect your want for privacy, never say this again.”

He winced. “Sorry…”

“So, what did you want to tell me? Actually wait, before that, I wanted to ask you if you could also be Aang’s teacher?”

He tensed. “Uh…”

“Look, I know you’re reluctant to teach him, but I need all the help I can get.”

He bit his lip as he rubbed his shoulder. “I, uh… I don’t-”

“I’ll still be his teacher, okay? I just need some help. You’re one of the best firebenders I know, and I’m sure that things will go much faster with you and-”

“I can’t.”

She felt herself deflate at that. “Zuko, I’m not asking much here, I just-”

“No, I…” He took a deep breath and looked away. “I can’t… bend.”

Silence.

“What?”

“I…” He looked down at his hands. “I wasn’t holding back this morning. It’s… It’s gone. I mean, it’s not gone gone, but my fire’s so weak now it’s like it’s not even there. I can’t bend…”

Agni, he sounded so ashamed.

“Zuzu, it’s okay-”

“No it’s not!” he shouted, before taking a deep breath. “The only reason they’re letting me stick around is because they think I’m useful, but without my bending I may as well be irrelevant. And you’ll… you’ll…” He sighed and hid his face in his hands. “I’m useless now.”

Having none of it, Azula quickly grabbed his hands and lifted his chin. “Hey, you’re not useless, you hear me? And even if you were, that wouldn’t matter.”

“Of course it does,” he spat while looking away. “You want me around for a reason.”

“Zuko, I already told you that I don’t want you around because you’re a good ally to have. I want you around because I love you.” He still wasn’t looking at her, but he relaxed a little. “And what I was going to say is that this also happened to me.”

He blinked and looked at her. “It did?”

“Yeah, right after I joined the group actually.”

“Oh… Why?”

She shrugged. “I dunno, something about my priorities changing? New way of seeing the world? Emotional problems? Maybe that’s just what joining the Avatar does to a firebender, who knows?”

“At this point, it wouldn’t surprise me,” he chuckled weakly.

“Exactly. So… that’s probably what’s happening to you.”

“Did you also feel this… empty?”

She frowned. “Not really, more like when the eclipse happened. It was like my inner fire was dampened.”

“Oh…”

“But I could still do some fire, and it was a lot smaller than what you did this morning, so I think it’s the same thing. Hopefully…”

“How did you…” He waved his hand vaguely. “Get you fire back? That’s not the right term.”

She clapped her hands together at her realisation. “Oh, I never told you! Dragons are still a thing!”

His eyes widened. “What?”

“Yeah! There’s two of them living in those big caves up the- Wait, let me start again. Aang and I went to the Sun Warriors’ ruins to check if we could find some stuff about firebending when my bending went haywire. Turns out the Sun Warriors are still alive, and so are dragons!”

He looked speechless. “…Okay?”

“Yeah, so we danced with the dragons-”

“You danced with dragons? Holy shit!”

“I know, right? It was so cool! I mean, it was terrifying because there was a chance they would eat us, but it was still so fucking cool!”

“How was it?”

“I don’t say this word often, but it was definitely magical. They spat out a tornado of flames around us and- Oh Zuzu, they were multi-coloured! It was amazing!”

“Fuck, that’s awesome.”

“Also my bending went back to normal and also got stronger, but dragons!”

“Dragons!”

She couldn’t believe she had forgotten to tell him, but his excited reaction was just what she had expected.

“Okay okay, so the dragons helped you get your bending back?”

“Yup, and while we did promise that we wouldn’t bring anyone else there, or talk about it, I think your situation could be considered an exception.”

He nodded as his excitement slowly lowered. “Do you think it’ll work?”

She shrugged. “If it worked for me, it’ll work for you.”

He hummed. “What about the others? I… I don’t want them to know…”

“Okay, I won’t tell them. Maybe I could say that it would be a good way for Aang to learn firebending faster? I mean, it wouldn’t be a lie or anything.”

He nodded. “Right…”

She frowned. “Is there anything else?”

He stayed silent a bit before shaking his head. “No, that’s all,” he said with a small smile. “Thanks.”

She smiled back even though she could tell that he was still bothered by this. “No problem. You’re not getting rid of me anytime soon.”

He chuckled and they walked back to the camp. “I sure hope so.”

Tragedy struck as soon as they came back. Okay, she was being a bit dramatic with this, but Appa had apparently gotten injured while flying, and Katara announced that while he could still fly, he couldn’t do long distances.

Azula couldn’t help but let out a long-suffering groan while Zuko just went up to Appa to pet him with sympathy.

“Hey, it’s not Appa’s fault,” Aang exclaimed. “We pushed him too much to escape!”

“I’m not blaming him, I’m blaming the universe.”

“Same,” Sokka sighed as he patted one of Appa’s legs.

“Can he still do small distances every day?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say every day, but he can still fly,” said Katara as she patted Appa’s nose. “I just want to make sure we don’t push him.”

“Okay… Alright… Ugh…”

“Why, were you planning on another fieldtrip?” asked Toph.

“Well, I was thinking that since our first visit to the Sun Warriors’ ruins was so useful, maybe going back a little longer would be good for Aang’s training.”

“Uh, are you sure?” Aang asked. “I mean, you remember what… you know?”

“I do, but desperate times. I’m sure the ruins will understand.”

He thought about it. “Okay, we can go there bit by bit. It should probably take us a bit more than a week to get there? Appa still needs to rest, so no flying for tomorrow.”

She nodded. “Great. We’ve got a destination in mind, then.”

The fact that they now had a goal smaller than ‘defeat the Fire Lord’ seem to make everyone relax around the campfire. Well, everyone except for Zuko, who seemed to still be nervous about their talk. She could understand why, he had basically been raised to make his bending powerful. And even though he wasn’t in any danger, she knew that he still felt exposed to any potential threats, how it could make him lose sleep or make him become more guarded.

She could understand hating feeling so vulnerable, but hiding himself away wouldn’t help him get along with the others.

As they both lied on her bedding, she started wondering how she could try to cheer him up and make him forget about his lack of bending, if at least for a bit.

---

“So I was thinking, remember how you asked about how we fought with our fans when you captured me?”

Zuko nodded and looked away. “Sorry about that.”

Suki shrugged. “You already apologised. Anyway, I don’t have my fans on me, but the way we move with them can be translated to hand-to-hand combat. Since we’re now on the same side, I was thinking I could show you some of my moves.”

“Really?”

“As long as you teach me some of yours.”

“Uh…” He looked down at his handcuffs, then back at her. “Yeah sure, that’ll be fun.”

She grinned. “Nice. I wanna learn some of those kicks you did back at the Boiling Rock.”

He smiled and nodded, but then turned around towards Aang Katara and Toph as they did stuff around the camp while waiting for Sokka and Azula to come back from their shopping trip.

He frowned. “Actually, it’s probably not a good idea that I fight in front of them…”

“Oh, right…” She thought about it for a moment, trying to find a way to convince him to still do it. “Well, it’s not like you would be doing anything wrong. I mean, I’m the one who asked.” He hummed, but still looked unconvinced. “Look, nothing brings people closer than learning how to fight. I mean, I only started liking Sokka until after I beat his ass over twenty consecutive times.”

He grimaced. “I don’t think we have the same views about fighting.”

“It’s friendly fighting,” she stressed. “Come on, if anything, you’ll be helping me learn how to kick stuff properly. The Kyoshi Warriors’ fighting style isn’t very focused on kicks anyway.”

He slowly nodded again. “Okay…”

They still walked a little further away from the camp to have some peace and quiet. Zuko decided to go first to show her his moves, and that was where Suki realised that her balance wasn’t as good as she thought it was, at least not to get some good powerful kicks.

“Okay, so your general control and balance is good, but you definitely need more power,” Zuko told her after he made her copy the kicks he showed her. “I’m gonna teach you a drill that you should do everyday if possible. So, bring your knee up and remember to keep your shoulders and chest up right to not lean back or forwards” She copied him. “Okay, now extend, and hold for five seconds.” They both did this, but while he stayed completely stable, Suki was wobbling around and skipping a little. “Yeah, it’ll do that. Once it’s done, fold back and go back to your stance.”

“And then I do it again?”

“With the other leg, yeah. Then once that’s done, you move on to the next kick, right left, then next kick, right and left, and once you’ve gone through all the kicks, you do it again two more times. Also you can use this exercise to work on getting your leg higher. You don’t have any flexibility issues, but it’ll help with your accuracy. You ready to go through one set?”

“Sure!”

They did the set before doing two more times, and by the end of it, she could feel her legs start to become sore. She rubbed them as they took a small break while standing up.

“This is gonna take some getting used to,” she smiled.

“Yeah, I remember when I started learning how to do kicks. I would have probably found it fun if my instructors weren’t so pushy.”

“How so?”

“Well, they always told me to do an extra set or two, or five,” he said with a light tone. “Even when I was tired, it was always ‘you can do one more, just push a little further’, and then I’d end up doing four extra sets.”

She grimaced. “I don’t think that’s very good for you.” She still remembered what he had said about him being trained since he was a toddler, so hearing that this training was also very intense did leave her a little worried.

He shrugged. “Pushing my limits is kinda what’s expected of me, so I couldn’t exactly disagree. Still, I guess I did push a little too hard sometimes,” he muttered while rubbing his forearm. “Which is why you shouldn’t do twenty rounds of that drill, I don’t want you to pull something and get me accused of trying to sabotage this group.”

“Yeah…”

“Okay, let’s do some spinning kicks, those are always fun!” he smiled.

He showed her the move, and when she tried to copy it, she immediately fell face first on the floor.

“I’m guessing that’s not how it’s supposed to go,” she joked as he helped her back up.

He smiled slightly. “No, although it’s good that you fell since now you know what not to do. First of all, keep your head up. If you keep your head down, you’re gonna directly head down to the floor, pun completely intended.” She couldn’t help but snort at that, it sounded like something stupid that Sokka would say. “So you keep your head up, which keeps your balance up and also helps you better see where you’re gonna kick.”

“Okay.”

“So now we’re gonna do the kick without the actual kick. So you prepare, and then you twist to just look at your target. It’ll help with your posture. And remember to tuck your hands in, it’ll help you get some extra speed.”

After she did the turn a few times, they moved to her shoulder posture, then to the actual kick itself. By the end of it, she could actually perform the kick even if her balance was still a little off.

“I’m guessing that’s what the first drill is for?”

“Yes, remember to do those often. But other than that, you’re on your way to getting the hang of it,” he smiled slightly. “You just need to practice some more.”

Suki grinned at that and suggested a break before they moved one to her part of the ‘deal’. During that time, she tried to figure out a way to teach Zuko some of her techniques without having to un-cuff him, because while she didn’t really see the point in cuffing him, she didn’t want to start an argument with Katara. Maybe she could just ask Toph to unlink the chain for a bit?

In the end, she decided to just work around the problem. If anything, it would be a lesson in creativity.

“So, the Kyoshi Warrior fighting style is based around one big notion, using your opponent’s strength against them.”

“Like airbending?”

She paused. “Holy shit, how didn’t I think of that?” It would make sense with where their group originated from. “But yeah, like airbending, although we’re more focused on working as a team, which isn’t something I can really teach you right now. But either way, you need to be aware of all the people surrounding you, either friend or foe, which I’m pretty sure you’ve already got covered. Since I don’t have a fan on me, I’ll show you the techniques that keep the fan closed and use a stick instead.”

“If you want, I have a sheathed knife? It clicks in place.”

She nodded. “Maybe we can use that later, but sticks are fine for now.”

At first, she showed him different ways to redirect hits or lock in place someone’s wrist. Zuko already knew most of those moves, but he did agree that it was easier with the stick. They kept going on that path for a while, with Zuko even managing to lock her wrist in place with the chain linking his hands, which was one more reason as to why cuffing him wasn’t very useful. Still, they both got pretty excited when it happened, she would have to keep that move in mind in case she ever got captured again.

Then they moved to hand-to-hand and… Well, she was supposed to show him some of her moves, but that quickly moved to sparring to see how they could use the chain to redirect other attacks. Then that moved to them just sparring while trying some dumb moves. She even tried to use one of the kicks he taught her, but he blocked it with the chain.

“You know what, I think cuffing you was a terrible mistake,” she panted as they decided to stop for the day. “I mean, it’s just giving you another weapon!”

He chuckled while also catching his breath, which ended with him wheezing more than anything. It was probably the most she had ever seen him emote since he had joined their side.

“I’d still prefer to have them off.”

“I don’t think they’ll let you.”

“Fair.”

When they got back to the camp, Katara gave them a weird look. “Why are you covered in dirt?”

Well, they weren’t covered in it, but they did have some of their clothes and skin.

“We sparred,” Suki explained while Zuko just walked away and sat near Appa.

Katara frowned. “That’s not a great idea.”

She sighed. “Katara-”

“No, I’m serious. I mean, you two were still in Toph’s sensing range, but what if you had gone too far? He could’ve attacked you, and we would’ve been none the wiser!”

“Katara, he’s on our side now, he has no reason to attack us.”

“Sure, but I learned a while back that just because someone is on the same side as you doesn’t mean you can trust them. I mean, we’ve met plenty of people who are against the Fire Nation, but their methods were…” She grimaced and shook her head. “Just because he said he’s on our side doesn’t mean he’s trustworthy. Plus the way he acts is just… off. I mean, he looks like he barely cares sometimes, and he attacked Azula repeatedly even though he claims he cares about her! Sure, he acts all nice, but I can tell that something’s fishy about him, and we can’t afford to turn a blind eye on that.”

“I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I don’t think his intentions are bad. I mean, some people are just weird, and from what I’ve seen, that’s just how he is. And I’m pretty sure it has to do with how he grew up. I mean, Azula’s not nearly as bad, but let’s be honest, she’s also a bit weird.”

“Oh definitely, but it’s not a evil-y weird.”

She chuckled. “Evil-y?”

“Ugh, I’m talking like Sokka now… Where are those two anyway? They said they would be back by lunch.”

“Maybe they got distracted?”

She rolled her eyes fondly. “Knowing Sokka, he probably found a bag he liked and is spending too much time wondering if he should buy it or not.” Suki laughed at that, because that sounded like him. “By the way, are you alright?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… You were in prison for a while, so I was just wondering if… well, I don’t know if ‘being okay’ is the right term, but it definitely couldn’t have been easy.”

“No, it wasn’t…”

Everything had been so stressful there. One moment she was surrounded by her friends, and the next she was alone with the only hope that her enemy had kept his word. And sure, her treatment at the Boiling Rock hadn’t been as bad as some other prisoners. She had only been put in solitary once, and the guards hadn’t gotten physical with her, but they had still jeered and belittled her on a constant basis. And there was also that time she had been betrayed by another prisoner who she had thought was a friend, just for her to abandon Suki for some better accommodations.

But she hadn’t let herself show how nerve-wracking this experience was. She wouldn’t give the guards surrounding her the satisfaction of seeing her break, and so she had let herself hope. For what, she wasn’t sure. Out loud, she would say for the war to be over so that she would be freed, but on the inside, she couldn’t help but fantasise about her friends getting her out, whether it be the Kyoshi Warriors or the group. And in the end, she had been right to hope, to not let herself break, because once Sokka and Azula got in, she had enough in her to help them all get out.

“But it’s behind me now. I’m… well, none of us are fully safe, but I feel way better with you guys than back there.”

Katara nodded in sympathy. “I bet. I got in a Fire Nation prison once, and while it wasn’t as high security as yours apparently was, it was still horrible.”

“Yeah, it… it was hard. But now I’m out of there, and with you all, so things are better now.”

Katara smiled and hugged her, and Suki returned the gesture. It was actually the first time she talked a bit about her experience there. Sokka had also checked on her, but he seemed avoidant on the subject, or maybe he just didn’t want to add to any pain she may have. And while she could understand and appreciate that, she had to admit that talking about even a bit of her time there felt good, like a small weight had left her shoulders.

They let go of each other and turned to see Sokka and Azula coming back from the town.

“There you two are,” Katara exclaimed. “What took you so long?”

Sokka grumbled as he placed the basket he was holding near the cooking pot. “First off, who knew about Azula’s secret stash?”

The rest of the group stared in confusion. “What?”

“She’s got some hidden money and didn’t even tell us!”

“It’s not hidden!”

“You didn’t tell us! And here we thought we were broke-”

“That money is for emergencies,” she said firmly. “When you live long enough with my uncle, you learn to keep your own money.”

“What does buying a sword have to do with emergencies?”

“Wait, Princess Prickles bought a sword? Don’t you already have one?”

“First off, it’s not for me, and second, it was cheep because the blades are blunt and the grips can give you blisters from just looking at them. It wasn’t a waste, we’ve still got plenty of coins.”

“If it’s so bad, why did you buy it in the first place?” asked Katara.

“I’ve got whetstones, we’ve got fabric. I can make those swords less shitty.”

“But why buy it?” Suki asked. “Toph said it, you’ve already got a good sword.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying the whole way back,” Sokka sighed. “She wouldn’t even tell me!”

“It was so that you wouldn’t ruin the surprise,” Azula said in an admittedly annoying tone before walking with the sheathed sword towards Zuko, who it turned out hadn’t been paying attention to their conversation. She stopped in front of him, waited for a few seconds and then tapped his shoulder so the he would look up. She showed him the sword and grinned. “I got you something.”

“Wait, the sword’s for him?” Sokka practically shrieked. “He can use a sword?”

Zuko didn’t seem to be paying attention to him, instead looking at the sword in confusion. “Why?”

“Well, it’s good to not always rely on your bending, right?”

He stayed silent for a bit before taking the sword to stare at it. “You bought this for me.”

“Uh-huh, although they have seen better days. I’ll have to fix them a little.”

“I’ll do it. Although you’ll probably have to remind me how to sharpen them…”

“Wait, ‘them’?” Aang asked from Appa’s head.

Zuko just hummed and unsheathed the sword, which turned out to be two swords.

Aang gasped. “That looks so cool!”

He nodded while inspecting the blades. “They are pretty cool. And also really blunt.”

Azula shrugged. “Told you.”

“At least the hamon and the curves seem good, even if the balance is a little off.”

“You can use those?” Suki asked.

“Eh… Theoretically yes, in practice it’s been… five years? Six? Agni, I’m really rusty.”

“Though before that, I would suggest wrapping up those grips,” said Azula as she brought out some fabric from her bag. “They’re from the guard’s uniform you singed.”

Zuko chuckled. “Waste not, want not.”

“I think we’re overlooking the fact that he can use swords,” Sokka muttered next to Suki. When she gave him a quizzical look, he grimaced. “This guy’s a menace.”

Suki couldn’t help but laugh and pat his shoulder as they all left the siblings alone. Once food was done, the two appeared to take their bowls and disappeared. Toph could sense them moving around in the woods and guessed that they were probably practicing or something. That only helped Sokka to seem more nervous.

Two hours or so after they finished eating, Suki asked Sokka to spar with her in hand-to-hand, which he accepted. She partly asked so that she could take his mind off of whatever was worrying him, and also because it had been a while since they had sparred, which was back in her village. And he had definitely gotten better, which wasn’t much of a surprise but still, it wasn’t like she’d had the opportunity to fight him when she’d been fighting that girl on the gondola.

As she managed to overpower him, she congratulated him in his progress, which made him smile. They went on for a few more rounds, but then started getting a little silly as they tried to land hits on each other.

“You know, those pretty eyes of yours aren’t gonna distract me,” Sokka grinned as he dodged her punch.

“Well, neither is that cute smile of yours,” she grinned back before stopping him from hitting her stomach.

They couldn’t help but giggle at their remarks, slowly putting less and less effort into each hit. When Sokka let his guard down enough, Suki decided to try hitting him with a spinning kick, but while she did manage to hit his shoulder, she also lost her balance and fell straight to the ground, hitting her right thigh hard.

“Damn it.” She hadn’t kept her head up.

“That’ll serve you right, you traitor,” Sokka joked as he rubbed his shoulder. He held out his hand to help her back up. “Never seen you do that move though, although then again I haven’t seen you fight a lot…”

“Yeah, it’s a new move Zuko taught me, but I guess I’m gonna need some practice…” Sokka frowned as he went back to rubbing his shoulder, looking pensively at the ground. “What?”

“He taught you that?”

“Yeah, and I taught him how to lock someone’s wrist with a stick.” A fair trade in her opinion.

His frown deepened. “Why are you even hanging around him? He’s the one who threw you in that prison.”

“Yeah, but that was back when we were enemies,” she said while rubbing her thigh. “Plus he did try to make it somewhat accommodating. I mean, I’m not happy he did it, but I can understand in a way.”

“Yeah, well… you should be more careful around him. You never know when he’ll strike.”

“You know, I had this exact conversation with your sister earlier.”

“Well, as much as it hurts me to say this, maybe Katara is right, sometimes.”

“And maybe sometimes, you’re both wrong.”

He sighed. “Why are you even being friendly with him? He’s an asshole!”

“I don’t know, he’s seems alright to me. A bit off, but otherwise nice. He definitely captured The Duke’s heart, the way that kid looked at him was extremely adorable.”

“He’s just playing you. You’ll see, he’ll wait until you’re comfortable around him, and then he’ll strike. It’s how he fights too. He even shot his uncle while doing that!”

Yeah, that did sound pretty bad. “Well people don’t usually act the same with their allies as they do with their enemies. I mean, you’re not throwing your boomerang at my head, are you?”

“Yeah, but he’s not trustworthy. He’s just a sly little snake who’s only out for himself and his dad, and what’s worse is that Azula won’t listen to that! He already convinced her to go against us once, he can do it again!”

“I’m pretty sure Azula’s firmly on our side,” Suki said while remembering what Azula had told her back at the Boiling Rock. Even if she wanted to go back, she had committed treason anyway.

“Well I still wouldn’t put it past him…” Sokka grumbled. “Do you even know what he did after you got sent to prison?”

“He took over Ba Sing Se from what I heard.” That had been horrifying news to hear. She remembered seeing some of the prisoners lose hope as they listened to the announcer talk about it like it was the best thing to ever happen.

“Yeah, and he used your uniforms to get in.”

She stilled. “What?”

“Didn’t see much of it, but I did see that knife girl and chi-blocker dressed in your uniforms at the Earth King’s palace, so that’s probably how they got in. One of them was even wearing your headdress.”

So that was why he had asked all of those questions. All this time, she had thought that she hadn’t helped him much, that she had just said something that would barely help him, that he had found a way in that had nothing to do with her, but…

(“It’s not like we can actually get inside the place and stop whatever they’re doing.”)

Her shock quickly turned to anger. He had used her clothing while fully knowing its significance. He had made her think that she hadn’t done anything to help him when he had used everything in their conversation to impersonate her squad.

Was it her fault that Ba Sing Se fell? Would he have failed if they had managed to beat him?

“I’m guessing you didn’t know?” Sokka asked with a softer tone.

“No.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, before hugging her. She didn’t hug back, her mind still running over this new fact.

How could she have been so stupid?

She moved out of his embrace, instead walking in the direction Zuko and Azula had left. On her way there, she grabbed Sokka’s sword.

“Suki, what are you doing?” Sokka asked.

She couldn’t reply because she didn’t know.

When she got to the siblings, she saw Azula making Zuko go through some drills with his swords. They both stopped as they saw her approach, looking confused. He had no right to look confused.

“Suki, what-”

Azula’s question stopped as Suki unsheathed Sokka’s sword and brought the tip of its blade straight in front of Zuko’s throat.

“What are you doing!? Stop that!”

The fact that he didn’t react, instead just staring at her and the sword made her even angrier. He didn’t even have the decency to look worried.

“Suki, maybe you should talk it out instead of using a sword?” Aang’s voice rang out. Great, the whole group was here.

She just kept her eyes on him.

“You used our uniforms to get inside Ba Sing Se, didn’t you?” she asked, glad to hear that her voice was as hard as she wanted it to be.

He didn’t even flinch. “Yes.”

“You used what I told you back then.”

“A bit.”

Her frown deepened. “Can’t get inside, my ass. You just used me!”

“What did you think I was doing?”

She stilled at that. It was true, he had told her that he wanted to interrogate her, but he had seemed so… so human, it was the reason why she had been giving him a chance.

“So all the things you asked were just to get me to spill information? All of it?”

For the first time, he looked away. “Well… at first yes, but I remember getting side-tracked for a while.”

They both stared into each other’s eyes, and even though Suki knew it was impossible, it was like they were trying to read each other’s minds. Or even just read each other in general. She just… She wanted to trust him, even with the fact that they had been enemies only a few days ago, there was still something about him that made her feel like they could be friends. He had seemed so happy to learn from her and teach her this morning, or talk about the plays they liked. But it was like there was an extremely thick wall between them that made it impossible for her to see if she could actually trust him or not. For all her talk of giving him a chance, it wasn’t as if it was an easy task. He was just so closed off that it was easier to see him as an asshole who would backstab all of them at any moment.

“Do you regret what you did in Ba Sing Se?”

His reaction was… odd. It was minuscule, yet she couldn’t help but notice every detail. The slight tilt of his head to the side, the little pull of a muscle at the corner of his mouth, the way his eyes seemed to unfocus just ever so slightly. For a moment, it was as if he wasn’t paying attention to her, but with a blink, his focus was back.

“Obviously.”

“I don’t just mean what you did to Aang-”

“I know. I regret all of it.”

Even with the strain that sword was starting to put on her arm, she still kept it to his throat. “So why did you do it?”

“I… I don’t think I had a choice.”

She didn’t want this answer to make sense. She wanted to spit in his face and tell him that that was bullshit and that he was a horrible person and could go fuck himself. She wanted to scream about all the suffering he had caused because of that coup, about all the suffering he had caused in general. She may not know most of it, but she knew that it existed.

But the way he talked about his upbringing, the way others talked about him, like he was a dog or a machine… It made sense that he thought that. With what Azula had said about him following orders, this answer made too much sense, no matter how much she didn’t want it to.

“If it helps,” he said slowly, “I would have found another way in.” She frowned in confusion. “It’s not your fault it happened.”

Hearing this shouldn’t make her feel better. It should make her feel angry, insulted, leaving her to ask him if he really thought this highly of himself. But it was true, he would have probably found another way in. Him using her squad’s uniforms had probably just given him a slight leg up.

It did help, but that didn’t mean she was happy about it.

“Take out your sword,” she said gruffly while bringing hers away from his throat and giving him a bit more space. “One, two, I don’t care, just bring it out.”

His eyes moved to the two swords he had placed on the ground earlier then to his handcuffs, but Azula instead joined him and handed him her sword instead. He took it and gripped it in a way that showed that he knew on paper how to use it, but not fully in practice.

“Suki, what are you doing?” Sokka asked anxiously.

“I want a rematch,” she said simply.

Zuko’s eyes narrowed in slight confusion. “Okay.”

“Don’t cut your arms off please,” Azula asked in an almost disinterested manner, although Suki could tell that she was also nervous. They all were.

“We won’t,” Suki said curtly. “Just sparring, right? Friendly fighting.”

He bit the inside of his cheek as they both got into position. “I don’t think we have the same views about fighting.”

And then they fought.

He may not have the greatest technique, but she could hand it to him that he had a good grip and was wise to any tricks one could pull to disarm their opponent. But while she was only on the offensive, he was only on the defensive.

“It’s not sparring if you don’t fight back.”

That didn’t encourage him to do anything differently. If anything, it only made his demeanour more stoic.

“Come on, you’re the great Prince Zuko, right? This all you got?”

He frowned, but still stayed on the defensive.

“If you’re gonna keep using her sword as a shield, you might as well use those blunt ones.”

Thankfully, this made him strike back. Not a lot, but still enough to push her back. She swung, and then he started swinging too, with the two of them circling around each other. Though she could tell that he clearly wasn’t putting his all in this. Well then again, he was still cuffed, but that wasn’t an excuse.

“You’re sloppy,” she frowned.

He pushed her back. “You nag.”

“I’ve seen five-year-olds fight better with sticks.”

“I’ve seen three-year-olds come up with better insults.”

They threw a few more swings at each other, but as their swords interlocked with each other and they stared straight into each other’s eyes, Suki realised something in the way his was moving.

“You’re copying me.”

A smirk tugged at his lips. “I’m learning.”

They pushed each other back and kept glaring while walking in a circle, although she couldn’t help but smile too. She tried an attack, and he moved in the same way to counter it. She tried another, and he did the same thing. It was like she was fighting a taller reflexion of herself, one that didn’t look anything like her. It felt a bit surreal.

“How do you do that?”

“What?”

“Copying me.”

“Well, it’s pretty obvious. I predict all of your movements based off of where each part of your body is moving to.”

“Right, obviously,” she said sarcastically as she swung and he again countered her. “And how exactly do you do that?”

“Body heat. You can learn a lot from body heat. For example…” He lunged towards her and hit her right thigh with the pommel of his sword, which made her shout in pain and retreat further. “You’re getting sore, and your probably gonna get a bruise.”

“Well that definitely isn’t helping,” she gritted out.

“I thought we were fighting?”

“Friendly fighting.” She couldn’t help but chuckle at the surprised look he gave her. “Yeah, friendly, you jerk.”

“You don’t seem very friendly,” he said slowly as she got back on her feet.

“Looks who’s talking,” she grinned.

As they kept fighting, Suki felt her anger slowly wither away. It was still there, although it mostly turned into some lingering guilt she had for still being part of what had caused Ba Sing Se’s fall even if the outcome could have been the same. But her anger at him, while not fully gone, had greatly dwindled, and by the time they stopped by being locked in a stalemate, they were both smiling and chuckling like idiots.

As she caught her breath, she turned around and realised that the others had left. When she voiced that fact, Zuko just shrugged.

“They left around the time you stopped looking like you were trying to murder me.”

“Damn, I didn’t even notice.”

“You were too busy trying to beat my ass.”

“And I almost did.”

He snorted. “In your dreams.”

“You’re not too bad with a sword,” she said while unsheathing Sokka’s. She would have to apologise for taking it without asking.

“Well, it’s not like I don’t know anything about using one, it’s just not my area of expertise. Unlike you,” he added with a slight bitter tone.

“Do you want it to be?”

He blinked at her question before staring at Azula’s sword. “In another life, maybe.”

“You can still do it now.”

He shook his head and smiled. “I don’t think I would be that good. There’s a reason I’m known for my fire and not my stabbing skills.”

She shrugged. “You can be known for more than one.”

He stayed silent for a bit, before moving towards the camp. “I should probably give this back to Azula. Are…” He stopped and turned back to her. “Are we good?”

He seemed genuinely worried about her answer, which cemented the fact that she had probably made the right choice in trying to befriend him. So she nodded. “Yeah, we’re good.”

He nodded with a small, almost shy smile. “Good,” he practically whispered.

“Although no more stealing my uniform,” she added as they walked again. “If you want to wear it again, you’ll have to do it the proper way, like Sokka did.”

“Yeah, sorry again.”

“Did you actually wear one?”

“Yes.”

“And how do you rate its comfort?” she smiled jokingly.

“Quite nice, actually, although that makeup almost brought me to violent extremes.”

She snorted. “You mean your scar?”

“It’s itched so much.”

“Serves you right for stealing our stuff.”

“A minuscule karmic justice,” he agreed. “And… when I said it wasn’t your fault, I meant it. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

She smiled and nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”

When they arrived back at camp, the others all gave them worried glances.

“So, no more trying to kill my brother?” Azula asked as she and Zuko exchanged swords.

“Yeah, we’re good now.”

“Good.” She turned to Zuko. “Come one, I prepared some actually good fabric for the grips.”

They both got to work, with Zuko giving Suki a small awkward wave as she walked towards the others. She did the same, and he did that same shy smile from earlier. She couldn’t help but think that maybe that wall between them had thinned a little.

“Are you alright?” Sokka immediately asked.

“Let me check for any wounds,” added Katara as she opened her waterskin.

“Guys, she’s fine,” said Toph. “I told them you weren’t killing each other, but they wouldn’t listen.”

“I’m okay, guys,” she smiled before giving Sokka back his sword. “Sorry for not asking for it, I just… I wasn’t really thinking.” For someone meant to be a leader, that hadn’t been one of her proudest moments.

“Yeah, I noticed, you just walked straight towards a dangerous psycho and demanded to fight him! Never do that again!”

“I’m not planning to,” she said, trying to calm him down.

“It was definitely a weird way of figuring out your problems with him,” said Aang. “Maybe try just talking next time? It worked well with me.”

“You two talked?” Katara asked incredulously.

“Yeah, turns out he also saved Appa! No wonder he vouched for him.”

“Are we sure he didn’t just bribe Appa?” Sokka asked. “He’s pretty bribable, remember when Katara bribed him with berries so she could destroy a factory?”

“Hey, that wasn’t how it started, and you know it!”

“Please tell me you’re arguing for something useful,” said Azula’s tired voice. They all turned to her looking very unimpressed with them. “We can hear you from over there. Is everything alright?” she asked Suki.

“Yeah, things are fine now.”

“Things would be much better without a certain someone,” Katara gritted out.

Azula took a deep breath. “Look, I’m not saying that you should get along with him, but could you like, I don’t know, not be so passive aggressive with him? He already knows you hate him, you don’t have to make it more clear.”

“I don’t hate him,” Aang piped up.

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

“Neither do I,” said Toph.

“Huh, now that surprises me a little more. Anyway, I’m mostly just talking to you two,” she said while pointing at Sokka and Katara, who quickly glanced at each other. “I know you don’t see him as a human being, don’t cut me off Sokka I know what you call him, but he is, and he already has enough anxiety in his life, so how about we didn’t add more to the firebender?”

“Oh sure, and we’ll also make him a nice soft little bed to sleep in,” Katara said sarcastically.

“Oh, just like when I had my insomnia,” said Aang. “But I think Azula’s right.”

“Seriously?”

“I mean, he seems really regretful of what he did. He even said he felt bad for killing me.”

“Really, he has a conscious?” said Sokka with a mock-gasp. “I would have never guessed!”

“He helped us during the eclipse.”

“He was also extremely horrible while doing it, I don’t think that counts as helping.”

“Guys, back on track please,” Suki announced. “For what it’s worth, I agree with Azula and Aang. The less stressed he is, the less weird he’ll be, right?”

“And then the more comfortable he’ll be in attacking us,” Sokka incorrectly finished.

“This isn’t going anywhere!” Azula burst out. “Do you trust me or not?!”

They all stilled at the clear fury she was displaying.

“Azula,” Katara tried, “this has nothing to do with trusting you-”

“No. Do you trust me?” she asked harshly. Despite her glaring at all of them, they nodded. “If that’s the case, you’ll find it easy to trust my judgement.”

“It’s not you we don’t trust, it’s him! He got you to betray us in Ba Sing Se!”

“I never betrayed you. I never promised any alliance by that point. And it wasn’t just him, alright? I didn’t know everything I know now, and that affected my judgement. If I had, maybe I wouldn’t have come with him. I can’t and won’t go back, even if he tries to make me, which he won’t. So you don’t have to worry about that.”

“But he’s still a danger,” said Sokka.

Azula took a deep breath. “You two know each other well, right? Of course you do, you grew up together, and even with all the arguments and spats you had, you still know how the other works. You may not know exactly what’s going on inside the other’s head, but you know you can trust each other.”

“But that’s not the-”

“Well it’s the same thing with me and my brother. We grew up together, and even when people tried to separate us, we stuck to each other. Even after three years of having no interactions with him, I still knew who he was when we saw each other again. Things did change, we both changed, but I could trust in the fact that some things hadn’t. He won’t hurt me, and I won’t hurt him. And then you know what I did? I hurt him. I hurt him by leaving when he promised he never would. So it’s not about him being trustworthy, he hates Ozai as much as I do. If anyone’s not trustworthy between the two of us, it would be me. So if you trust me, then trust me when I say that he isn’t going to hurt you. He’s not gonna attack you in the middle of the night or skin you alive or whatever. Just…” She sighed. “Just give him some space, alright? Stop acting like he’s the worst person to have ever existed, we all know that title goes to someone else.”

Both Katara and Sokka looked away while frowning, clearly not happy with Azula’s speech. But she was right, while Zuko had many faults, it was pretty clear that he wasn’t about to backstab them, at least not while they were in the middle of nowhere.

“We just don’t want you getting hurt,” Katara said slowly. “None of us should get hurt. We’re a team, we look out for each other. And he’s…” She sighed. “He’s the closest enemy we’ve got to us right now, one that you won’t even entertain the possibility of being dangerous.”

Azula stayed silent for a bit before taking a deep breath. “He’s been hurt too. I hurt him. So you’ll understand why I’m looking out for him as well. Just… Just trust me on this.”

Looking at the rest of the group, Suki could already tell what everyone’s answers would be.

“I trust you,” said Toph. “Don’t exactly like the guy, but he’s not as suspicious as he could be.”

“I also trust you,” said Aang. “And for what it’s worth, I think that Zuko’s actually quite nice.”

That earned him two bewildered looks, which Suki spoke over.

“Well, I know you the least, but you busted me out of prison so we’re cool. As for your brother, we’ve sorted a few of our problems out, so I think we’re good.”

“Appa and Momo also seem to be quite happy with Zuko’s presence,” Aang added while pointing at Zuko sitting next to Appa while holding Momo in his lap.

Sokka cleared his throat. “Well, I trust you. I mean, like Suki said, kinda hard not to when you break in and out of prison with someone. But him?” At Azula’s glare, he shifted on his feet. “I’ll… I’ll try,” he grimaced.

“No need to sound so constipated, Snoozles.”

“Shut up.”

“And as for me, I…” Katara sighed. “I mean, I trust you, you brought my brother and my father back, but you also brought him back and… I just don’t think this is gonna end well. For all your talk of him being more trustworthy than you, I’ve personally not seen any signs of that being true. But… we’ll just see how this goes.”

Azula nodded. “That’s all I ask.”

Azula walked away, and Katara groaned.

“She’s just so stubborn-”

“I can hear you!”

Everyone except Katara burst out laughing at that, although she did join in after a few seconds. By the end of the day, Suki felt like things were just a little less tense.

---

“You should tell her.”

“Don’t, it won’t end well.”

“She’ll leave you for good if you do.”

“She promised.”

“She lied.”

“She-”

Zuko tried to ignore the whispers as he watched Azula interact with the rest of the group from afar. How she and the earthbender teased each other, how the Avatar and Suki joked around with her, how she and the waterbender seemed to be a bit less annoyed with each other, how she and the waterbender’s brother acted like how she and Zuko sometimes did…

“She’s going to replace you with him.”

“You deserve it.”

“She said she wouldn’t leave.”

“Why would she want you anyway?”

“She’ll leave, everyone does. The only one who won’t is Father.”

“No, he’ll leave too.”

“He doesn’t love you like she does.”

“She doesn’t love you-”

He sighed and rubbed his eyes as the whispers kept going on and on and on. He didn’t know if he preferred it back when they were all against him or if the incessant arguing they were now doing was any better. At least he knew what to expect before, their tune would always be the same as they raged and belittled him. But now, some of them were doing the opposite. If before, he could try to remind himself to ignore all of them, now it wasn’t as simple. Some of them were saying things he wanted to hear. Some of them were being understanding, reassuring, so sweet to hear in the cacophony of hate that echoed in his mind. It made him want to listen to them, to entertain the possibilities they whispered into his consciousness.

But he knew that he shouldn’t listen to the voices. Whether nice or mean, he couldn’t let them cloud his judgement. He couldn’t start relying on his insanity.

Easier said than done now that this was what his world looked like.

Zuko got up as Azula called him for dinner and joined the group to eat. He stayed silent as the rest of them chatted, now more relaxed than before. Well, they weren’t completely relaxed, but they still looked at him less like he was a monster and more like he was just an annoyance.

“They’re wrong.”

“You need to remind them, otherwise they’ll attack you and-”

But he already had. He had held his own against one of them with a sword he barely knew how to use and handcuffs blocking his movements. Yet that didn’t seem to scare them more. Seemed like Suki had been right, sparring truly did wonders for one’s reputation with others.

He was glad that she was still okay with him, even if what he had done to her had been rather bad.

“She shouldn’t be forgiving you,” Sensu’s voice gritted out of the mass of whispers. “The only thing you deserve is misery.”

“She wants something out of you.”

Everyone wanted something out of him. At least she was still okay with tolerating him.

But as he ate and watched them all talk, watched Azula laugh along with them, he couldn’t help but worry. It seemed to be the thing his mind did best. What was his place here? Between their familiarity and the lack of tension that came from them not having killed one of the group, he was completely out of place. The only person who tried to get along with him was Suki, but even so that was just one person, and she probably had a reason other than just wanting to get to know him. There was also the Avatar, but Zuko could feel that tension still on him, and rightfully so. (When he looked at him, he sometimes still saw the little corpse fall to the ground, stuck by his own hand.) The only reason he was here was because Azula wanted him to he here. Without her, he would have been back at Ozai’s side waiting for his next orders like the dog he was.

He felt like he was drifting through this situation. Just as always.

“Business as usual.”

Zuko stifled a chuckle. At least the voices had the decency to sometimes be entertaining.

He missed The Duke, at least the kid was easier to understand than the others, even if his want to befriend Zuko was still weird. Hopefully he was all right.

He turned to Azula as she leaned on his side and spotted the soft smile she wore. She looked calm, satisfied with this moment. At ease.

“Tell her,” a voice said a little louder.

No, he couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t make her worry more, not after everything he had done. Not when she looked so peaceful.

“You’re lying to her, stop being so selfish.”

“She took the fact that you can’t bend anymore well. She wants to help.”

But that was different.

“Telling her would be selfish, she’ll worry all the time afterwards!”

“She’ll figure it out eventually,” Lu Ten chuckled grimly. “Look how badly you’re losing it.”

“She can’t know, she’ll leave you!”

“Get a fucking grip already! You’ll get through this on your own. How would she even help? No one can help you.”

“You don’t deserve help anyway.”

“You don’t deserve anything.”

“Why are you still here again?”

“She’ll understand.”

“She won’t.”

“She loves you. Tell her.”

This argument went on and on as he tried to stay as calm as possible, tried to stop his heart from beating too loudly and tipping Azula off. He should tell her, right? Tell her that he lost his mind and that he was far more of a hassle than she’d first thought? She had the right to know.

(“But I’m done messing up now. I know it’s just words, but I promise I’ll act on them. I’ll make things right with you, I swear.”)

He had as much to make up for as she did. He barely talked to her about anything, and while that was so that she wouldn’t worry, so that she would still be happy around him and stay, he had still lied to her. He had lied about how much he truly depended on her. He didn’t want to be her burden to bear, he wanted to be there for her whenever she may need him, but… Well, maybe it hadn’t just been Ozai who got between them. Maybe it was also Zuko’s fault for her not trusting him enough to tell him that she would leave.

Everything was always his fault in the end. He couldn’t let his silence rip them further apart.

“Azula, can I talk to you?” he asked once they were all done eating.

“Huh? Sure.”

He got up and walked off, sensing her following him behind his back. He tried to keep his nerves in check and his breathing calm as he tried to find a way to tell her. But every possibility ended badly, every explanation resulted in her running away and abandoning him. He didn’t want that, but he also didn’t know how to tell her.

“You alright?” she asked as they stopped in the same spot they had been in last night.

Was he alright? He was losing his mind, but he had her. He was a nervous wreck, but he was away from Ozai. Part of him wanted to go back to the man while the other wanted to stay as far away from him as possible.

“I don’t know.” That was what he always said when he tried being genuine about how he felt, because that was true. He never truly knew what he felt, every small moment of happiness he had was always tinged with misery. What he felt never made sense, he hadn’t been trained to know what to feel, only what to show. And what Zuko showed was what people wanted.

But now he had to stop lying to her. Somehow.

“I need to tell you something,” he started off while not meeting her eyes. If he acted as if she couldn’t see the mess he was, maybe it would be easier. “I…” What was he doing? “I’m…” He should stop talking. He couldn’t tell her, he… “I don’t think I’m doing all that well.”

Azula’s eyes widened before saddening as she nodded. “Yeah, I… I noticed.”

“You have?”

Had he really been this obvious? How long had she known? Did everyone else know? Did they all know? He had worked so hard to make sure that his dwindling sanity wasn’t visible, but they all knew? Where they already planning something against him?

“I mean, you barely sleep, and you look so tired all the time. I’m guessing that’s what happens when you finally get away from Ozai’s grip, right? Happened to me too, I guess. Plus the lack of fire didn’t help to give me energy, so I’m guessing it’s the same thing with you.”

“Oh, uh… yeah…”

So she didn’t know. He was still good at keeping his act up. That was good to know. And now he had an out, right? He could just say that that was all and resume to acting as if everything was somewhat fine and as if the cacophony of unintelligible whispers wasn’t ringing through his head and all around him. He could hide his weakness and keep helping her until he burned out and broke for good. Maybe if he did that, Azula would be merciful and give him a clean death. That was all a murderous dog like him deserved.

“Tell her you coward!”

But he couldn’t keep lying to her. Not anymore.

“I didn’t just mean that though…” he continued, earning himself a quizzical look. “I… I don’t… I’m…” He took a deep breath. He just had to say it. “I’m losing my mind.”

She blinked, but otherwise didn’t look all that bothered. “Yeah, I guess it does feel like you’re losing it, right? I mean, you try to make a flame, but it looks so-”

“I’m not talking about my fire. Or your friends. Or even leaving Ozai. I… I’m literally losing my mind. I’ve lost it. I’ve gone insane.”

Her confused expression made sense what with how he had said this. He sounded far too calm for what he was saying. Maybe if he started acting like how people imagined crazy people to act, she would believe him, but he was far too tired to put in the energy.

He took a deep breath. “I hear voices. I always hear voices. Sometimes I can recognise them, but most of them just merge together. And I see people that aren’t there. The other day I was talking to you, and then it turned out it wasn’t you, it was just the air. And it all seems so real until… until I realise it’s not. A-and there’s always these, these things crawling on me even though I don’t even know what they are and they’re also not there, and when I wake up sometimes it’s like I’m trapped in my own body and can’t move and this great big thing is crawling towards me to kill me, and it’s probably worse than when I’m thrown out of my body and don’t know what’s happening and I’m just going through life like I’m not even there and… and…”

He tried to catch his breath as he realised that tears were rolling down his face. He wanted to see her reaction, but at the same time he was so scared of seeing her rightful disgust.

“I don’t know what to do, a-and I know it’s not the greatest thing to h-hear…” His heart sped up as he felt her come closer. “B-but I won’t be any trouble, alright? I know how to hold it in, I’ve been doing it for… well, a while, and we all know I’m good at not showing anything, right?” But despite his reassurances, she still got closer, and his mind could already tell him where this was going. She was angry. “I won’t bring you trouble, you’ll barely notice it.” She wanted him to suffer for his mistake, for lying to her. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I-I’ll tell you everything from now on, I promise.” She wanted him to learn his lesson for once in his fucking life. “I won’t make a scene, I won’t be a burden I swear, I’ll be good.” But his pathetic whimpers wouldn’t help him. He could tell. She wanted him to burn. “I’ll be good, I-I promise, please I promise I-”

She held him. It would almost feel like a hug if he didn’t know what was about to happen. Even if he wanted to hug her back, he couldn’t because of his cuffs, but he knew that it wasn’t a hug. He had been burned like this before, by gentle touches or gestures that blistered his skin and scarred his body.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered between each hitch his breath made. “Please, I’ll be good, I… Please…” His mouth kept babbling those words over and over even though he knew that it was pointless. He had always begged for forgiveness but it had never worked. No matter how much he tried, it never worked. She was going to burn him and then leave him and-

“*****”

… and…

“**ko?”

… and… and then…

“Zuzu?”

… and then she… she…

“Zuzu, it’s alright.”

… she said this in such a soft way… in such a small voice…

“I’m not gonna hurt you… I promise, you’re not gonna get hurt.”

… so soft… so gentle… her touch, so…

(… looking at him softly as his thumb gently caressed his cheek.)

… always so gentle…

“I’m right here, I’m not mad, I swear.”

(… arms around him, enveloping him in a loose hug. He leaned in, trying to reel back his desperation for more contact. Trying to hide how much he craved this embrace.)

… so small against him…

“I’m right here.”

… so gentle…

“It’s alright, Zuzu.”

… so… so loving.

He pushed her away just to be able to hold her back, his arms now around her, his body swaying in her warm embrace. His chest heaved with sobs as his knees gave out and they both kneeled on the floor. As he cried, he couldn’t help but notice that this was the second time they ended up in this position because of his lack of control. He chuckled through his tears at this, leaning more and more on her as she cradled him, hiding his face in her shoulder to make the world go dark. Her presence was the only thing he wanted to be aware of, he wanted nothing more than to disappear into her embrace as she ran her fingers through his untied hair. From the vibrations in her throat and chest, she was talking, but he couldn’t hear anything else, only that wonderful, blessed quiet.

Why couldn’t everything just stay quiet?

If he could, he would never look up, but the trembling in her body chipped away at the calm. So he slowly moved away and brought his arms up to untangle her from his chains, and looked at her face. The tears rolling down her cheeks were enough for him to know that he had upset her. Her mouth trembled as he cupped her face with both of his hands to wipe away her tears, hoping to at least undo some of the damage he had made.

He’d made her cry. How could he be so cruel?

Her mouth moved as her eyes stayed on him, full of the sorrow he had caused with his selfishness. Whatever she was saying, he couldn’t even muster the energy to decipher the movements her lips made. He moved one of his hands to tuck a few strands of hair back behind her ear, hoping that the gesture was kind and gentle enough to calm her.

“Look at what you did,” said Ursa.

He didn’t mean to do that, he didn’t mean to upset her, he’d just wanted her to know.

“You make everything worse.”

“I didn’t mean to,” he whispered, not knowing if it was for her or Ursa. “I’m sorry.”

It didn’t work, her tears just kept flowing. He watched uselessly as she cried, her eyes never leaving him while her hands took his own.

Her head shook as her breath kept hitching.

“When did this start?”

Did she ask this? Her mouth had moved, but he couldn’t really tell.

“Since Ba Sing Se.”

Her sorrow morphed into horror as she finally understood just how much of a madman he was.

“I… I didn’t even notice…”

“Why would you?” he asked, confused as to why anyone would. He had always hidden everything that didn’t make him perfect.

She sounded as if she was chocking on her tears. “How didn’t I… Oh Spirits, Zuko, I’m so sorry.”

His hands dropped from her face in confusion while she moved to cup his.

“Why are you apologising? You didn’t do anything.”

“You’re right, I didn’t. You were suffering this entire time and I never did anything,” she sobbed. “I was right there, and I didn’t do shit while you kept hurting!”

“It’s not your fault,” he said softly while holding one of her hands and tracing circles below her burn. “It’s just how it is.”

She shook her head. “No… No, you’re not gonna stay like this, I’ll fix it, I’ll fix everything, I-”

“It’s alright, Azula. Nothing’s going to change. I’ll stay crazy, but I’ll stay. You want me to stay, right? I’ll go if you don’t-”

“No no no!” she exclaimed as her hands rushed to grab his. “Don’t leave me. Don’t… I won’t leave, I promise, you don’t have to leave either.”

He nodded in a slow manner, hopping that this would help calm her down. “Then I won’t. I’ll stay right here, like I promised. You won’t be alone,” he added with a small smile. It pulled at his scar.

“Stop that,” she said with a frown.

“What?”

“Stop comforting me.”

As if that made any sense.

“But you’re upset, why wouldn’t I-”

“You’re hurting!” He flinched at the sudden volume. “Every time you’re hurting, you keep comforting me instead!”

“I’m always hurting,” he mumbled defensively. But as he turned to look at her again, he saw that she was a second away from crying again. Shit, why couldn’t he just do one good thing? “But you make it liveable,” he quickly added. “You’re the reason I’m even still here, I… It’s the least I can do. It’s all I can do.”

She still looked upset as she let go of him to wipe her face, but at least she didn’t look ready to cry again. “That’s not true, you’ve done way more than just comfort me. You’ve always protected me, you’re always there for me, but I’ve never really been there for you.”

“Yes you have.” With the number of times her simple presence had made his life better, her statement was definitely false.

She shook her head and held his shoulders. “No, I haven’t. I keep taking you for granted, I keep thinking that you’re fine even though I know you’re not. You always help me, but I’ve never helped you.”

Never helped… He would have stopped trying to live a long time ago if it hadn’t been for her.

“But I’m gonna help you now, I promise,” she said with far too much confidence.

“Azzy… I don’t think this is something that can be fixed.” She became silent, and no amount of circles she rubbed on his arms could stop him from fretting. “But it’s fine, I can live with it. You won’t even notice-”

“Firebending is focused on the nerves and the mind,” she muttered.

“What?”

“When Aang and I went to the Sun Warriors, we met this girl who talked about healing with firebending. She said it focuses on the mind. When we get there, maybe they’ll be able to help you with that too! Maybe they could heal you, and you’ll be fine after that!”

Zuko blinked. Heal… him?

That…

He shook his head, not wanting to get either of their hopes up. “She probably didn’t mean insanity when she said that.”

“But she didn’t not say it,” Azula frowned. “Don’t you want to try?”

“What if it doesn’t work? What if there’s nothing left to heal anymore? What if… What if it gets worse?” Living was already hard enough as it was, he didn’t need things to be louder.

She sighed and caressed his cheek. He had no energy left to not lean in. “Then we’ll try something else.”

“We?”

“Yes. I told you, I am not leaving you. No matter what happens, you’re my brother and I am never abandoning you again. You won’t be alone.”

“I’m never alone,” he joked with a tired smile. At her lack of understanding, he gestured at where the whispers were coming from. “The voices rarely stop.” She looked a little sick at that. “No? Eh, you don’t understand comedy.”

“That isn’t comedy.”

“Yes it is.”

“No, it’s an illness or… or something else, but it’s not something to laugh at when you just had a breakdown because of it!”

“Well, I’m the one living with it, and I think you should stop worrying so much. I mean, it’s awful, but you worrying isn’t making it any better. If anything, it makes it worse. Not that you’re making things worse, I mean… Just don’t be so serious about it, not when we can’t do anything about it.”

“What… What do they say?”

“The voices? A lot call me the scum of the earth, some outright tell me to go kill myself. But there are some that have gotten nicer. Some even told me to tell you about this. I mean, I try not to actually listen to their advice, but when one side is telling you to do something and the other tells you not to do it, you’re gonna follow them either way, you know?”

Azula didn’t seem all that pleased with his reply. “And they’re just random voices?”

“Well, I guess some of them are? But there are also those I can recognise, like Ozai, or Ursa, or Lu Ten, or… or you…”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you’re really mean in my head.”

She blinked. “Sor-”

“Don’t apologise, it’s my head’s fault, not yours.”

She nodded, still looking a little sick. “You said it started at Ba Sing Se, was it always like that?”

“No, it… things were bearable, at least I think they were, I… I don’t know… But they got worse when you left- don’t apologise,” he said sternly. “You didn’t know, it wasn’t your fault.”

“I should’ve still told you.”

“Yeah well, hindsight’s a bitch.”

She nodded. “Well, if we have to pin it on somebody, he’s definitely at fault.”

“Yeah, along with a lot of small little things, I’m guessing he’s the reason why I’m… well, why we’re both fucked up.”

“I think one of us is a little more fucked up than the other.”

“Don’t turn this into a competition.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“I…” She huffed out a laugh and hugged him. He couldn’t really hug her back, so he just shifted a little close. “I’ve got your back, yeah?”

He couldn’t help but smile at this. Even after hearing about his defectiveness, she was still here.

“Yeah.”

“We’ll have to tell the others though, maybe in a way that’s less-”

“No.”

She sighed. “Zuko-”

“No, I’m not telling them. I don’t want them to know.”

She broke the hug to look at him with a serious expression. “Zuzu, if your…condition? If it acts up, they won’t understand what’s happening.”

“I’ll keep it in check.”

“They know something’s up with you.”

“They just think I’m weird, it’s the perfect excuse.”

“Yeah, until you start talking to people who aren’t there and-”

“I won’t.”

“How do you know that?”

“I’ll deal with it.”

She groaned, as if he was being unreasonable. As if wanting to have a modicum of privacy and safety in the face of people hating him was stupid.

“Zuzu, maybe they could help, you know? I know you don’t trust them, but-”

“Azzy, please. I’m just…” I’m terrified. “If I’m telling someone, I want it to be on my own terms. I don’t want you telling them or telling me to do it.”

“Once we get to the Sun Warriors, they’ll know.”

He nodded, as if that prospect didn’t make his mind scream. “That’ll be then. For now, they’re the only people surrounding me, and I am not giving away my weakness. You understand that, right?”

Azula frowned but still nodded. “Yeah, I do. But I still think you should tell them.”

“If I do, I’ll do it of my own accord. And…” He reached for her hand and held it tight. “You’ll be there, right?”

“Right,” she said with a tight smile. Said smile softened as she looked into his eyes and pushed some of his hair backward. “I love you.”

Zuko didn’t know you could get addicted to words. Well, maybe he did, Ozai’s praise had always been something he would chase, something he would want and soak in at any moment. But these three words made his heart beat so openly, made him feel so euphoric that he couldn’t help but savour and cherish every time he heard them.

“I love you too,” he smiled back before managing to hug her. “And thank you. I know I’m a lot, but thank you so much for staying.”

“Don’t thank me,” Azula said as she squeezed him tightly. “I’m never leaving again. And whatever you hear or see or… well, you can always tell me, alright? I’ll always be there to listen.” He nodded as he squeezed her back. Telling her would be hard, but he would try. “I’m right here. I’ll always be here.”

He could believe that. With all that she now knew of him, he could believe that.

Even if he never managed to get healed, at least he would still have her.

Chapter Text

“Alright Appa, you ready?”

Appa groaned at Aang’s question and slowly but surely lifted himself off the ground, to everyone’s relief. As soon as it was clear that he would be able to get to their next stop, Sokka immediately slumped on the side of the saddle and let out a sigh.

Ah, the joys of not having a single location to stay in for long. Then again, how many times had they stayed in one place for more than a few days since this journey? The Northern Water Tribe, Ba Sing Se, technically that Fire Nation ship and the Western Air Temple? Yeah, that wasn’t a lot, all things considered. And the reason they had to leave two of them was because of the guy sitting at the back of the saddle.

He hoped that the others had gotten out safely. He really hoped that his dad was okay.

As per usual since yesterday, Sokka tried to rein himself back from glaring at the asshole. Let it never be said that he wasn’t a good friend, because he was trying very hard to keep his word to Azula. But that was a hard thing to do when the guy was the worst prick on the planet. He even managed to get Suki mad! Like properly furious! Even Sokka never managed that, and he was a jerk when they first met.

Whatever, Azula wanted them to be, ugh, cordial with the jerkbender, and so he would be. Well, he would try at least. Couldn’t be that hard, right? Suki seemed to have managed it, along with Aang apparently, which was a little weird. Oh well, the power of a pacifist monk knows no bounds.

“So Jerkface, how do you like flying on Appa so far?” he asked casually.

The jerk in question who was leaning on the saddle to look at the view did not answer. Like a jerk.

Sokka cleared his throat. “I said, how’s the flying going? Not sick yet?”

The jerk deigned to turn his head slightly to give Sokka a bored and definitely lofty look before turning back to the view.

“Asshole,” Sokka muttered, only to be met with Azula’s frown. He made a face to express the fact that he was trying to be nice but that her brother was clearly the problem, which earned him an eye roll.

He turned to Suki to share in the unfairness that was that reaction when he wasn’t the problem.

“Let it be known that I am trying,” he said loud enough so that only she could hear.

She chuckled. “Trying doesn’t mean good results.”

“Well it does for you, apparently.”

“Why, I am just superior to the rest of you.”

Sokka snorted. “But seriously, how do you even manage to talk to him without him being so… him?”

She thought for a few seconds before patting his shoulder. “I think he can smell your distain.”

Azula cleared her throat from her side, making it clear that she could hear them and that she didn’t like what they were saying. They both muttered an apology, and she turned back to her brother who was still turned away from them.

“I’m not trying to be disdainful,” Sokka went on more quietly. “He’s the one who’s not listening.”

“You’ve been ignoring him since now, he can tell you’re up to something.”

“I’m not ‘up to’ anything! He’s the one being all weird and-”

They all turned at the loud thud ringing out next to them to see Zuko further away from the saddle’s edge looking like something had flown in his face. He was also unnaturally still. If the wind wasn’t moving his hair, he would have looked like a statue.

“You alright?” asked Toph, probably the most confused since she couldn’t even see up here.

He stayed frozen for a few more seconds before blinking rapidly and going back to his seat with a small, “Yeah…” Azula grabbed his arm and held him tightly, as if she was afraid that he would jump off.

Sokka turned to Suki and gave her a pointed look. “See? Crazy- Ow!”

He rubbed his head as he looked down to see one of Aang’s marbles rolling next to him. He looked up to see Azula now staring daggers into his skull. Her eyes promised unimaginable pain if he didn’t shut up. Sokka got the memo and did just that, even if he couldn’t help but think that her reaction was a bit much. He had called her brother crazy plenty of times, and her reactions had been extremely mild. Why was she so mad all of a sudden?

They all turned to Aang and he jumped on the saddle from Appa’s head. “Alright guys, we should be there soon, which is good because Appa’s starting to get tired.”

“And I’m starting to get sleepy,” Toph added. “Why did we have to leave so early again?”

“Because those villagers were clearly getting nosy,” said Azula.

“That’s probably because of your shopping trip,” said Katara.

“Hey, we were really stealthy,” Sokka exclaimed.

“Oh, like that time we almost got thrown in jail for being too noticeable?”

“You almost got thrown in jail, we had agreed that those scams were going too far.”

Toph scoffed. “Agreed? Snoozles, you went along with it for most of the way, don’t act all innocent because your girlfriend’s here!”

He blushed as Suki chuckled. “Hey, I admit I participated, but I wasn’t dumb enough to fall into such an obvious trap!”

“Well if it was so obvious, why didn’t you stop us?”

“You needed to be taught a lesson.”

Katara laughed. “A lesson in what? Jailbreak?”

“Exactly! Everyone here has been thrown in jail at least once, so knowing our track record it’s a useful skill to learn! Well, except for Prince Jerkface over there.”

“I never got thrown in jail,” said Azula with way too much pride. “You did, I was a guard. No one’s ever caught me.” The massive side-eye Zuko gave her made it clear to everyone that this wasn’t the case. “What? Got something to say?” she said defiantly.

“Of course not. You’re just so sharp.”

Azula’s killer glare clearly didn’t work on her brother because he just smirked as she grabbed his collar.

“I am this close to throwing you off board.”

“We’re not on a ship.”

“Exactly, you can’t swim in air.”

“You guys are really violent sometimes,” Aang pointed out.

“It’s called roughhousing,” said Zuko.

“It’s perfectly consensual,” said Azula.

Aang squinted at them and nodded. “I think I see why people say you’re weird.”

“We’re not weird,” Azula sputtered.

“You’ve only realised this now?” Zuko said at the same time before turning to his sister. “Being delusional is not a good look, Azzy, please leave that to me.”

Her anger was replaced by what Sokka could only describe as disappointment and guilt as she let go of Zuko’s collar to hold his arm again and lean on him. It was clear that they would not be participating in any more discussions.

When they finally landed in a brand new forest, Toph immediately fell asleep with Momo, leaving the rest of them to unpack. Katara shook her head a little, but it was more fond than anything. A few months ago, she would have started a yelling match for this. He was proud of her.

From the sound of it, there was a river further ahead, which was great because they were all a bit grimy. Katara and Suki were the first to go, and with a bit of convincing they managed to get Azula to follow them. Good for her, less for Sokka and Aang, who were forced to stick around Prince Jerkface. Sokka was about to make that remark to Aang when he turned to see him showing the ashmaker his marble trick.

“Pretty cool, huh?” Aang asked excitedly.

Zuko hummed affirmatively while looking quite intrigued. Sokka wanted to slap his forehead.

“Hey Zuko, do you have any cool firebending tricks?”

He looked down while rubbed his forearms. “Er, not really…”

“Come on, you’re like really good, there’s gotta be some cool trick you know!”

“Uh…”

“Don’t push, Aang,” Sokka said. “We’re just not worthy enough to see anything.” And personally, he didn’t want to see anymore ‘tricks’ this guy had. The mere though sent him right back to the Boiling Rock. He had to repress a chill.

“Actually, there is something I can show you,” the jerk said, as if to defy Sokka’s statement.

“Please, don’t lower yourself to our level for us,” he muttered.

“Do you have any sore muscles?” the prince asked while completely ignoring Sokka.

Aang thought about it. “Uh… My arm’s a little stiff.”

He held said arm out which Zuko took. Sokka purposely stopped himself from yanking Aang away and watched as the prince placed his hand on Aang’s arm. For a few seconds, nothing happened. Then Aang’s eyes widened.

“Woah, that’s so cool!”

“What is it?” Sokka asked.

“My arm feel fine now.” Once Zuko let go, he looked at it in awe. “This is a really neat trick!”

The prince looked away and rubbed his arm, as if in embarrassment. “Uh, thanks…”

As much as Sokka didn’t like the guy, he could agree that this was a useful skill to have, like in the airship where he had stopped his and Suki’s pain. The pain that he had inflicted.

When the girls came back, him and Aang went to wash themselves specifically without Zuko. He didn’t trust him while being clothed, and he certainly didn’t trust him while being naked.

“Aang, why are you out of everyone trying to befriend him?”

“Well, I think he’s kinda nice when he’s not trying to kill us.”

“That’s a very low bar. After everything he did to us, especially you, he doesn’t deserve it.”

He shrugged. “I think he does. He’s trying, and so am I. He’s not gonna be nice with us if we’re jerks to him. You should also try being actually friendly instead of whatever you were doing on Appa.”

“Hey, I was trying!”

“I don’t think we have the same definition of ‘trying’.”

Sokka didn’t try to fight more about his lack of trying because it wouldn’t be going anywhere. When they came back, he noticed that Toph was still asleep and that Suki was talking with the jerkbender about something. He didn’t say anything, but he still couldn’t understand how and more importantly why she was trying to get along with him even after all the shit he did to her.

“Can I go have a wash now?” the prince asked as he saw Sokka and Aang come back.

Aang nodded. “Yup!”

“Great,” said Azula as she grabbed Aang’s arm. “And you can come with me to do some fire squats.”

“Aw…”

“Wait, is he going there alone?” said Sokka as he realised how dangerous it was to leave the asshole alone.

Azula groaned. “Sokka, I swear to Agni-”

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Suki said out of nowhere while getting the asshole’s cuffs’ key out.

Sokka, for his part, could not believe what his ears had just witnessed. “You can’t be serious.”

“Well, you don’t trust him to be alone, and Azula needs to give Aang his lesson.” She opened the cuffs. “So I’ll go instead.”

“That sounds like a fantastic idea,” Azua said far too sarcastically while still holding Aang’s arm. “What do you think, Zuko?”

“I have no point of view on this matter, I just want a wash.”

“Then it’s settled.” With that, she dragged Aang away.

Sokka turned to Katara to get some fucking help over here, but she was too busy trying to wake Toph up. Great.

“I’ll go instead,” he said like an idiot.

Suki blinked at him. “Seriously?”

“Yes, like that you can, uh… do your work out routine!”

She made a face at him. “Are you sure you want to be alone with him?”

No, but it was better him than her because he still didn’t like her being alone with that maniac. “It’ll be fine, relax!”

That last part was said more for him than her.

She shrugged and walked away, saying something about asking for Azula’s sword, and Sokka turned around to see that the jerk had already left to go to the river on his own. Asshole. When Sokka reached him, the guy was already taking his shirt off and damn, he was ripped. And then he let his hair down, and fuck, evil people were not supposed to be this hot.

Also those were a lot of burns for one firebender.

“What?” Zuko practically snapped.

Sokka quickly looked up to see his scowl and realised that he had been staring. He then looked away before the guy got angrier and decided to do his fear-bending thing again.

“Nothing, nothing at all!” But then again… “How did you get those?”

The jerk gave him a flat look before saying, “I walked in a furnace,” and going in the river. Okay, Sokka probably deserved that one.

Waiting for Zuko to be done was very awkward for reasons that were very obvious. Sokka never knew that water dripping could feel so loud and uncomfortable, but here it definitely was. He couldn’t help but wince as he saw what was clearly a recent burn on the back of his neck peak out behind his hair. That seemed really odd to him, because how it the world would this guy get burned so much? And now that he thought about it, how did he get his face burned? Since the prince wasn’t his friend and barely his ally, he decided not to think about it. (The possibility that the origin of those burns was the same as Azula’s did cross his mind, but why in the world would the Fire Lord burn his favourite child? This sounded completely ridiculous.)

All he could do in the meantime was stand there and hope that the jerkbender would pick up his pace already.

---

It was hard to do much when even one of his arms spasmed. They barely ever did that, and in all honesty it could be far worse like with how Aoi described her spasms, but it made it hard to focus when it felt like one of his forearms was burning. He didn’t want to blame her, but he was pretty sure that Azula had grabbed his forearm too tightly and had accidentally touched something she shouldn’t have.

But it was fine, Zuko had gone through plenty of pain throughout his life, and the sensation of burning skin was something he was accustomed to. It was just very distracting.

Whatever, when something was upsetting, you didn’t show it.

“Except to Azula,” a voice sounding like Aoi whispered.

Yeah, except to Azula. He just had to remember that part.

He heard a shift behind him which reminded him of another distracting presence.

“Are you really just gonna stand there the whole time?” he couldn’t help but grunt.

The water tribesman scoffed. “With all the shit you put us through? Yeah, I don’t think you’re owed all that much privacy.”

“He’s got a point,” Sensu’s voice rang out. “You definitely did a number on him back at that prison.”

True, that may not have been his finest moment…

“Look, I’m sorry-”

“Yeah yeah, already heard that.” He could practically feel the guy wave his hand dismissively. “Now pick up the pace, will you?”

He was certainly not going to do that because he didn’t want his arm to cramp the whole day. So instead he centred himself and turned around to look the water tribesman in the eye, hoping that Zuko being on lower ground would get him to actually listen.

“I’m sorry I hurt you.” The guy scoffed. “I really am.”

“You didn’t look all that sorry when you zapped my brain, or when you burned me and Suki.”

“We were fighting, you were my enemy at the time. Are you sorry when you hurt your enemies?” The guy just frowned. “Thought so.”

“Yeah, except that there’s a difference. The Fire Nation has been trying to destroy the world for a century, we’re trying to save it.”

He nodded while trying to come up with something that would make him hear more nuance. “That’s what everyone believes. You’ve been around the Fire Nation, you must have seen how people are informed here.”

He grimaced. “Definitely. Aang went to one of your schools.”

Zuko grimaced back. “My condolences. But my point is that while a lot of soldiers use war to commit atrocities for their own pleasure, others think what we’re doing is right, even if we’re wrong.”

“But not you,” he said sternly. “I know you knew the war was wrong before you joined us.” Zuko gave him a quizzical look. “During the eclipse, you let us go. If you really thought that your country was completely in the right and that Aang was the harbinger of evil or whatever people call him here, you wouldn’t have let him go. You would have fought instead of giving us a way out.” He crossed his arms and looked at Zuko harshly. “You weren’t fighting and hurting people for what you thought was right. If anything, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that you actually did it because you enjoy it.”

It… It felt odd to hear the things he constantly told himself being said out loud by someone else, especially someone who knew so little about him. But then again, maybe that was just how bad Zuko really was. He was so awful that the guy could read him for all of the atrocities he had committed.

Maybe… Maybe he did enjoy it. Maybe that was why he never fought during executions, why he followed orders he didn’t like. It was because he actually did. Like Ozai. It… made sense… right? Like father, like son. It…

No. No, he knew fully well why he would obey. It was because if he didn’t, things would just get worse. People would get more pain, he would get more burns, and the world would keep turning because Zuko couldn’t change anything. And maybe there was something he could actually do, but if that was the case, he didn’t do it because he was a coward, not because he actually enjoyed it. But as far as he could tell, there was nothing he could have ever done.

As much as blood and physical attributes stated otherwise, Zuko was not his father. He would rather jump off a cliff than see himself become like that.

“I admit that I’ve known the war was wrong for a while,” he said slowly. “I knew before we even met.” It was hard to believe in something that wasted people’s lives for no reasons. “But I didn’t fight for the reason you said, even if you could still consider it selfish in a way. I followed orders-”

“That’s what everyone says when they commit atrocities.”

“Yes. However, I didn’t follow my superior’s orders, I followed my father’s.” He took a deep breath as he saw the guy get ready to counter that statement. “I’m guessing your father is kind, considering the lengths you went to to save him. As such, if it was you, with your father, you would listen to him. You would follow his word, because he knows what’s best and wants what’s good for you.” At least, that was what he understood from his interactions with the chief, along with Sensu’s dad. “I know mine is nothing like that. He’s…” Demanding? Punishing? No, he knew it was more than that, and he had to stop himself from touching the scar on his face as he found the word. “He’s cruel.” It was only now that he realised how visible that cruelty was on his body. He did not hide away. “But when you grow up alone with someone like that and no one else wants you… well, what else is there? You do as you’re told, because otherwise you…” You get burned. “You get banished. Or worse, he can always make more children. Prodigiousness only gets you so far.”

He was still frowning, but it felt less harsh. “Then why isn’t Azula like you?”

Zuko chuckled. “She got lucky. Ozai didn’t want her, but others did.”

The guy shifted awkwardly. “That’s messed up.”

“Well, now you know why I’m weird and crazy,” he said with a polite smile.

He winced. “I… I didn’t mean it like that… I mean-”

“I get it.” He wasn’t that far off anyway. “And just so you know, I really am sorry for what I did. To you and your friends in general, but also to you at the Boiling Rock. It was what I thought was necessary to do at the time, but it won’t happen again.”

They stayed silent for a bit, and Zuko took that moment to sneakily rub his forearm in hopes that the pain would diminish. He really needed a moment alone to take care of it.

The guy sighed. “Look, I don’t forgive you or anything, and I don’t want to be friends with you. But… I guess I can understand how you came to do some, uh, unfortunate actions.”

He blinked. “That’s one way of saying it.”

“Look, I’m throwing you a bone right now, don’t test it.”

Zuko just nodded, glad to have at least ended this conversation somewhere. “Thanks.”

“Cool. So, uh… Can you finish up already? I kinda have a workout to get to,” the idiot said while ‘inconspicuously’ flexing his arm.

He rolled his eyes. “You’re the one who insisted on accompanying me.”

“Because you’re a menace.”

He hummed. “Well, we’ve already established the fact that I wasn’t going to turn on you, so…”

“You’re uncuffed so that trust has diminished.”

Well, if that was how he was going to play it.

“Why? Do you prefer seeing me cuffed?” he asked in a voice that sounded suggestive while also sounding completely innocent.

The guy’s eyes grew wide as he met Zuko’s. They stared at each other, one in anticipation and the other in complete mortification.

“I…” His face flushed as he tried to find a rebuttal. Zuko just smiled politely. “It’s not what…” He made a choking sound before going through all of the stages of grief. “You have ten minutes, and after that I’m dragging you out!” he announced while leaving.

“Oh I’m sure you’d love to,” Zuko added for shits and giggles.

“Shut up!” he shouted as he retreated. “Fucking menace…”

As soon as Zuko was alone, he sighed and fully submerged himself. Ah, the power of embarrassment.

He took his time scrubbing himself clean while trying to forget the entire conversation he and the water tribesman just had. It felt really good to bathe after being cuffed in a dusty temple. Oh yeah, he would have to be cuffed again. As he dried himself and put his clothes back on, he made sure to stretch as much as possible to make up for the lack of movement he had and would get. He also gingerly made a flame in his palm, which was still dishearteningly small. Whatever, Azula said that they would be able to fix it. Normally. Possibly. Hopefully.

Well, at least he could still do some amount of bending, even if it was really pathetic.

He carded his hands through his hair to get it to dry faster. Natsumi always found this trick particularly funny since it looked like his head was steaming, saying that it was as useful as it was comedic. He smiled at the memory before remembering the last time he had seen her. The last time he had seen his staff.

Shit, he’d been the worse. If he ever saw them again, he would beg for their forgiveness. Especially to Aoi, what he had said to her… Agni, he was the worst.

Zuko knelt down to see his reflexion in the water and check if he was pulling his hair up correctly. His arm was still spasming, so it was hard to be very precise. He abandoned that enterprise to instead get his arm to stop hurting so much already by doing the same thing he’d done to the Avatar’s arm. The problem was that nerves were always fiddlier than muscles, and one wrong move would just make things worse. So he took his time, slowly heating his right forearm and massaging it gently. He could use some electricity, but he was worried that, with his weak bending, his control would be off, leading to him permanently damage his arm even more.

When it stopped hurting as much as it did, he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. His eyes slowly moved back to his reflexion, and he froze as he saw Ozai’s face. Well, no, it was his face, obviously, but…

“Oh, look at you,” Ursa’s voice cooed. “You look so much like him.”

Well, yes, that was how genetics worked. There was nothing wrong with looking like a member of your family, even if you didn’t like him. This was perfectly normal.

“You have his eyes, always so full of hate,” she hissed. “Always ready to hurt.”

He couldn’t really tell anymore, everything was getting blurry. Her voice made his head buzz.

Did Azula see their father in him too?

“You are mine” Father’s voice rang out. “Every part of you is mine, my son.”

(-it was just hair, nothing more-)

He still had the dagger Azula had left him. Call it spiteful, but he never got around to giving it back to her.

He reached into his boot where he kept it and pulled it out of its sheath. It gleamed in the sunlight, reflecting those damn eyes that haunted him. Dark strands framed them, and he glared at the hair falling around him.

(-just hair-)

“So very much like him…”

The way he dragged the dagger through his hair was painfully slow. He had to practically rip it through to cut through it stand by strand. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought that the blade was dull considering the amount of effort he had to put in.

He stared at the cut off remains and dropped them in the lake. As the dark clump drifted away, he turned his eyes back to the reflection in the water.

There, he didn’t look like him anymore, right?

Father wouldn’t want a weapon that looked like this.

“You’re gorgeous,” Sensu whispered.

“You still have his eyes,” Ursa practically chuckled. “You have his face.”

He could never escape him, could he? He would always be there.

“So alike.”

He didn’t want to be like him! He didn’t… He…

He stared at his scar, the only part of his face that looked nothing like Father. The only thing that seemed to distinguish them. That was it, right?

(-how his body was just a body and nothing more-)

His fire was weak, but it could still burn.

He smiled as his fingers touched his unscarred cheek. The reflexion smiled back.

Would he stop being a monster then?

“Don’t do it,” someone whispered with worry.

He’d finally be free, right?

(-his face was just a face and nothing-)

---

“You’re getting good at this.”

Aang smiled at her compliment. “Thanks! I think what Zuko said about my back being stiff really helped.”

Azula hummed. “Still don’t know how you got it in your head that you needed to be stiff. I mean, you’re an airbender for Agni’s sake!”

He shrugged sheepishly. “I guess I just took my vision of earthbending and applied it a bit too much to firebending…”

She sighed. Of course he managed to think that. “Well either way, your progress is admirable.”

“Oh, are you gonna teach me how to make massive walls of flames? Or maybe some fire whips?”

“Hold your ostrich-horses, we’re not that far yet.”

“Oh, right… sorry.”

She shrugged as they started walking back to camp. “Hey, at least you’re excited about learning firebending now, so that’s good.”

“Is Zuko gonna help out with my lessons again?”

Azula smiled while trying not to grimace. “It’s… a work in progress.”

“Maybe I should ask him instead?”

As glad as she was that Aang wanted her brother around, she didn’t want things to get bad. She had no clue what would set Zuko off into a meltdown like the one from yesterday, and… Agni, she’d felt so useless back there. She promised that she would help him, but she had no idea how. What were the lines that could be crossed? What were those that couldn’t? Just like when he’d told her about the executions, she felt so fucking useless.

Agni, last night had been... Well, lets just say that seeing her brother break down so much had been a little terrifying.

She just shrugged. “Just don’t push it.”

When they arrived, Sokka and Suki were busy sparring while Katara and Toph talked near the campfire. Azula joined the first two, surprised that Zuko wasn’t around.

“I thought you said you’d keep an eye on him?” she asked as Sokka parried Suki’s attack.

“I uh- Agh! Suki, we’re talking!”

Suki laughed. “Well focus! You can multitask, right?”

He snorted before turning back to Azula. “I gave him ten minutes alone, which I think are over now- Hey! Are you trying to cut my head off?”

“Focus.”

Azula gave him a surprised look. “Huh, what led to such generosity?”

Sokka practically froze in place as his eyes grew wide. “Uh…” He unfroze as Suki kicked him, making him fall to the ground. He sputtered as he got up. “Suki!”

She shrugged with a smirk. “You weren’t focusing.” She handed Azula back her liuyedao. “Thanks for the sword. It’s actually quite nice to wield.”

Azula nodded. “That’s why I chose it. Anyhow, I’m gonna go fetch my brother. I’m guessing you’ll want him cuffed again.”

Sokka looked away, seeming for some reason mortified. “Sure…” he choked out.

Whatever, the guy was weird.

Azula sheathed her liuyedao before putting in back with her stuff and leaving to get Zuko. As she ran over the various things they could do to maybe take his mind off of things, hopefully making him feel better about his condition, she arrived at the river and noticed that he was kneeling by the water, seemingly looking at himself. Wait, was his hair shorter?

She noticed her knife, or now his, lying on the ground near him and came closer. “Zuzu? Did you decide to have an impromptu hairstyling session or…”

Her voice faded as she noticed his hand on his cheek. As she noticed the slight smoke coming from it.

She rushed to his side and grabbed his wrist to pull it away from his skin. Zuko didn’t look at her right away, but she could see the red skin where his fingers were.

“Zuko, what are you… What is this?” she exclaimed. What was he doing? What…

When he finally turned his head to look at her, he seemed confused as to what was wrong. His eyes were unfocused, as if he wasn’t really there. Just like yesterday.

Oh no…

“Zuzu, are… are you okay?” Stupid question, of course, but what could she say? What was she supposed to do? She didn’t know how to make any of this better!

He slowly smiled as a laugh seemed to bubble inside of his chest. The action pulled at his fresh burn, streaking through his cheek with one finger having gone over his lip, and pooling down to his chin. He sounded like he was choking.

She wanted to cry, but she didn’t. She had to focus.

“Zuzu, can you hear me?”

He nodded as he his chuckle made him tremble slightly.

“I’m here okay?” she tried to say calmly while holding his hands. “I’m right here, I…” She took a shaky breath which made her voice wobble. “Why did you do this?”

He whispered something, but it was far too soft for her to hear.

“C-can you say that again, please?”

“I’m not him,” he murmured.

Okay, at least he was responding. That was good, right?

She nodded. “Okay, okay, you…”

“I’m not him,” he repeated.

She nodded again, her stomach churning at the though to her next question. “Who… Who is this ‘him’?”

His smile became a grimace as he lowered his gaze. “Father.”

She held back tears of anger as she rubbed circles into his palms. He didn’t seem to notice.

“I’m not him.”

“You’re right, you’re not him.”

“I’m not…” His voice broke. “I’m not him. I’m… I’m not… I’m not him, I…” Tears started falling down his face. He didn’t react as they rolled on his burns.

“Oh Zuko…” She held him in her arms, trying to keep him as close as possible. She could feel him shake as he repeated that same phrase again and again. It was heartbreaking. “You aren’t him, I promise you’re not.”

He gripped her shirt as he caught his breath. “She keeps saying I am,” he rasped.

“Who?”

“Ursa,” he practically spat.

Azula stilled. She already knew how Zuko felt about their mother, at least to a certain extent, but this was the first time she heard him say her name with such vitriol.

“She’s not here,” she said as calmly as he could.

“Talks a lot for someone who’s never there,” he said bitterly. “Always whispering… always trying to get in my head…”

“Zuko, it’s all…” Saying it was all in his head was probably a bad idea right now, right?

“Aways fucking talking!” he shouted out of nowhere while trying to pull himself out of her grasp. She forced him back, not wanting him to hurt himself again, and he broke into sobs, hiding his face in her shoulder. “… so loud…”

She ran her fingers through his hair as she took a steadying breath. “It’s okay, she’s not here. No one else is. It’s just you and me.” She squeezed his back as he kept crying. “Whoever says you’re like him is wrong, you hear? You are nothing like him. You have more kindness in you little finger than he has in his entire body. If someone ever says you’re like that… that disgusting waste of space, then they are a liar.” She kissed his temple as he calmed down. “And if anyone says that while I’m around, I’ll beat the shit out of them.”

He huffed out a wet chuckle before wincing and sitting up to look at her. Seeing the life back in his eyes made her sigh in relief.

“Wha-” He hissed as his hand moved to touch the burns. “What happened?”

She gently pushed his hand away. “You… You burned yourself.”

“Oh… So that’s why it feels so weird…”

“You don’t remember?”

“I…” His hand moved to the burns again, but he stopped himself. “It’s all foggy. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise for that.”

He nodded as his hand moved to touch the end of his hair. His eyes grew wide as he grabbed his hair and stared in horror at the choppy ends.

“Azula… what did I do?”

She shifted a bit. “When I found you, you hair was already cut. You were burning yourself…” Spirits, it sounded so awful to say. He sighed and put his face in his hands. Oh no, what if she was losing him again? “Zuzu, it’s not-”

“It’s okay, Azzy, I’m not… I’m here.” She nodded at that, and he thankfully looked up at her again. “I look like shit, right?”

“Well, uh… you could’ve definitely done a better job with that cut…”

He chuckled. “Probably… And my face?”

“Does it hurt?”

“I don’t know.”

“Oh, well… It looks like it should.”

“Okay.”

“We should get Katara to heal-”

“No.”

She resisted the urge to sigh. “Zuko-”

“No.”

“Your face is burned.”

He shrugged. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

She inhaled through her teeth. “I am not letting you walk around with fresh burns on your face when we’ve got a fucking healer!”

“And I’m not letting her touch me,” he practically scowled.

“Look, I understand what you mean, but you are injured and we’ve got a healer, so let’s take advantage of that! This isn’t like the scar on your neck, those ones are fresh!” Stubbornly, he didn’t reply. “Zuzu, I am not letting you walk around with another scar on your face.”

“Maybe it’s for the better.”

She stared at him, bewildered by the complete bullshit that just came out of his mouth. “Seriously? For the better? The only one who deserves being burned is the asshole who’s fault all of this is in the first place! In fact, he should be burned to a crisp! What is this nonsense you’re spewing, you don’t deserve any of this!” His silence was deafening. “Zuko, you do know you don’t deserve this, right?”

He just sighed and got up. “I’ll let her heal me, but I still don’t want them to know about all of this.”

“Zuko-”

“Not now, Azzy. I… I’m tired.”

She got up and held his shoulder. “Then we’ll keep talking about this later.” He hummed. “As for the others, well…” Agni, what kind of excuse could she come up with for this? “I’ll come up with something.”

Hopefully Toph wouldn’t be around.

---

Katara sighed as Toph led Aang away from the camp to train. Finally, some peace and quiet. Well, as much peace and quiet as you could get when Momo was running around with Sokka’s stolen boomerang. Again.

“At this point, I think Momo sees it as a game,” Suki chuckled as they watched Sokka try in vain to catch the lemur.

“Yeah…”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just…” Constantly freaking out and worrying about her dad? “I’m just tired.”

Suki nodded and patted her shoulder in solidarity.

“Uh, guys?”

They all turned to Azula arriving with her brother behind her. Momo dropped the boomerang and flew straight to the ashmaker while chittering loudly.

Azula, for her part, looked a little green.

“So, remember our lovely and completely safe roughhousing?” Katara did not like where this was going. “I may have been a bit too… overzealous…” she grimaced as she moved to show them her brother’s face.

As much as she hated the guy, Katara couldn’t help but feel extremely bad for him as she saw the burns on his face. They looked awful.

Sokka and Suki seemed to agree with her.

“What the fuck happened?” Suki exclaimed as she rushed to look Zuko over, which was a bit hard because Momo seemed to be doing the same thing. “And why is your hair cut?”

Azula looked away and cleared her throat. “As I said, my fault entirely-”

“Azula!”

“Things got out of hand, I will admit.”

“In her defence,” Zuko said slowly, “it was still perfectly consensual.”

Sokka stared at him like he had grown a second head. “What the actual fuck?”

“Anyway,” Azula said soudly. “Katara, can you heal him?”

“Yeah…” Katara said slowly while taking her waterskin. “Sure…” What in the world were those people?

As soon as she uncorked her waterskin and brought some water out, Zuko tensed and took a few steps back. Katara couldn’t help but find this extremely rude because she was literally trying to heal him and he didn’t trust her. Between the two of them, he was the least trustworthy.

“Do you want to be healed, or not?” she tried not to snap.

The ashmaker stared at the water floating above her hand, then at Azula. They exchanged a look that Katara couldn’t decipher, and he turned back to her to nod. He stayed extremely still as she healed him, seemingly stopping himself from running away. Katara would have normally been very happy to see this kind of reaction from him except… well, she knew what it felt like to be burned, and since he’d been previously subjected to this, her healing him may not bring out the best of memories.

Tui and La, she couldn’t believe she was feeling sympathy for him.

As soon as the skin was repaired, she bent the water away and he immediately stepped back. His face was blank, but his posture screamed ‘I want to leave’.

“Thank you.”

With that, him and Azula walked away and behind Appa.

The three of them stared in the direction they had left. Katara couldn’t help but feel this sensation that something was wrong. As violent as Azula seemed to sometimes get with Zuko when he mentioned the word sharp, for some reason, they only ever fought with their fists. And while Katara could imagine the ashmaker getting violent and burning her, she couldn’t imagine Azula doing the same. She hadn’t even fought back during their fight at the air temple, so Katara was sure that Azula would never hurt her brother and then act as if she had spilled some sauce on his clothes. The reaction just didn’t seem right.

She pushed this feeling down as she turned to their food reserves, not wanting to think about the guy. While they had plenty of non-perishables, it wouldn’t hurt to get some fresh vegetables or mushrooms. Since they were currently in a very humid forest, there had to be some types of mushrooms around, right?

“Hey guys, what do you think about some mushroom fried rice?”

“That sounds good,” said Suki.

“Do we even have any mushrooms?” Sokka asked.

“No, that’s why I’m asking now, so that we have enough time to forage for some.”

“Okay, I can go get them.”

Katara chuckled. “With your track record of picking plants? Yeah, I’m coming with you.”

“The cactus was one time.”

“And the nuts that were rocks?”

“They looked very similar! And you’re the one to talk, you almost made us eat poison ivy after we left the South Pole.”

“Hey, we didn’t even know half of the plants we know now!”

“You guys are planning on foraging mushrooms?”

They all jumped at Azula’s question and turned to her. Damn, she was very quiet sometimes.

“Uh, yeah! Any recommendations?”

She thought for a few seconds. “Don’t?”

“Oh come on,” said Sokka. “It’s not that hard!”

“You’ve foraged for mushrooms in the Fire Nation before?”

“Well, Aang’s the one who usually does it, but he showed us what the good ones look like.”

Azula did not look convinced in the slightest.

“Zuko!”

“Oh, come on,” Sokka grumbled as Azula’s brother appeared.

“Yes?”

“Zuzu, they want to get mushrooms. In the wild.”

The ashmaker simply nodded. “So you’ve got a death wish. I can respect that.”

Katara found him far too wisecracking for someone who'd had burns on his face minutes ago. “Well, do you know anything about mushrooms?”

“Sadly, yes.”

“Our mother used to teach us stuff about plants and poisons,” Azula explained. “Especially poisons. Although I stopped listening when she started talking about parasitic mushrooms.” She shivered. “Those things gave me so many nightmares.”

“But I didn’t. And when she stopped talking to me, I just started reading scrolls about it.”

Suki frowned. “Stopped talking to you?”

“The point is, there’s a lot of poisonous mushrooms out there, and a lot look like edible ones.”

“Thus the death wish,” Azula concluded. “Although, if you were to bring my brother along with you…”

Katara gave her an unimpressed look. “Azula…”

“Actually, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” said Sokka.

Katara stared at him in disbelief. “He literally said he knows what kind of mushrooms he needs to poison us.”

“He also hasn’t been all that hostile,” Suki reminded them far too smugly.

“Do I get a say in this?” the prince asked.

“No,” Azula smiled. “You need to socialise. Take your mind off of things!”

“That’s very nice, Ty Lee, but I don’t think that’s what socialising is.”

“How would you know? You so rarely do it?”

“I’ll throw the question back at you, what with that sharp tongue of yours.”

As per what was becoming a common occurrence, Azula stared at him with unfiltered rage while her brother just smirked.

She took a deep breath and turned to the rest of them. “This is not a request, this is a plea. I beg of you, take him away from me, I need a break from his bullshit!” she finally exclaimed as he started cackling. She flipped him off and walked away, leaving no more room for discussing him coming with them.

Katara tried not to grumble, knowing she would have plenty of time to do that while walking. If Sokka complained, it would be his punishment for taking the ashmaker’s side.

As she picked up two baskets for the three of them and an extra waterskin just in case, she noticed that he wasn’t cuffed again.

“Sokka, can you put his cuffs back on?”

For some reason, her brother produced the sound of a dying animal. The ashmaker seemed to find this particularly entertaining.

Maybe being poisoned by mushrooms wouldn’t be so bad after all.

*****

“Don’t pick that.”

“No, not those.”

“Don’t even touch that.”

“That’s bad for your stomach.”

“Those ones are hallucinogenic.”

“That one can petrify you.”

“That one… I don’t know what that is, just don’t pick it.”

Sokka groaned very loudly.

“Hey, when in doubt, don’t pick it!”

“Is there anything edible in this damn forest?”

Zuko looked around while thinking. “That one’s edible, but it tastes like literal shit so I wouldn’t recommend it.”

Sokka groaned again. Katara felt slightly vindicated.

“This kind of area usually has actual good tasting mushrooms near bodies of water in lower terrain. There’s a lake down there so that should be a good place to find some. But if you don’t want to go too far, we can just get those.” He pointed at some orange mushrooms growing on tree trunks. “The texture’s not that great, but it is edible.”

“It’s also very high,” Katara pointed out.

He shrugged. “You can’t have everything. They feed off of the insides of dying trees and can also accelerate the decaying process.” She and Sokka shared a concerned look which Zuko caught. “Yeah, mushrooms are cool. And also terrifying, have you ever heard of the cordyceps’s effect on insects?”

By the end of his explanation, Katara never wanted to learn about what mushrooms did again. She just wanted to know which ones they could eat and leave it at that.

“Why do you know this much about mushrooms?” Sokka asked like he was trying to hang on to his sanity. “Didn’t you have princely classes to learn instead of this?”

“If you’re gonna have insomnia, you may as well do something useful with it.”

“Is… Is that where the jellyfish-worm thing came from?”

“Yes.”

“Awesome…”

“What ‘jellyfish-worm thing’?” Katara asked.

Sokka shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it. Anyway, if we’re going this far we’re probably not gonna find enough mushrooms for everyone.”

“Yeah, I also wanted to dry some, so the more the better.”

“We should split up to cover more ground.”

“Okay, you go alone and I’ll stick with him in case he tries anything funny.”

The ashmaker loudly cleared his throat. “You almost picked up poison five minutes ago, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Sokka sighed in irritation. “Then tell me what the edible shit looks like!”

“It looks like the inedible shit,” he gritted out before pausing. “Although there is one kind of mushroom that doesn’t look like a bad one. They look like little orange parasols and are usually in groups. But if they’re more of a beige colour, don’t pick them, just take the orange ones. And only pick those ones, okay?”

“Yeah yeah, I got it. It’s not like I want to poison any of my friends. And… you, I guess.”

“Glad to hear it,” the prince deadpanned as Sokka walked away.

“I’ll meet you at the lake!”

And with that, Katara was alone with the person she wanted to be alone with the least. Great.

The walk to the lake was silent, thankfully, and Katara tried her best to ignore him while also keeping an eye on him for any funny business, which was a bit complicated. At every sudden movement he made, she reached for her waterskin, ready to fight back. His only reaction was a blank stare or an eye roll, as if it was ridiculous of her to expect him to attack her.

She did promise Azula that she would try to be cordial with him, but Tui all mighty was he hard to get along with. He was always closed off, and when he talked it felt like he was constantly insulting them even when he was talking about random things. She didn’t understand what Suki and Aang saw in him, especially Aang. Sure, he was extremely forgiving and friendly, but that shouldn’t apply to the guy who almost killed him, no matter how sorry he said he was about it.

Her thoughts were swiftly interrupted as Zuko pushed her backwards right as a snapping sound rang out. She looked up to see an empty net hanging from a tree, then shoved the ashmaker away.

“I’ll take that as a thank you,” he muttered.

“Why was that trap there?”

“There’s a town on the other side of the forest, the people there must’ve placed it here to hunt. That or there’s been a lot of human casualties related to animals.”

“So we’re gonna pass through more nets?”

“It’s not the nets I’m worried about,” he said while pointing at something sharp poking out of a pile of leaves. “It’s the bear traps.”

Katara paled as she noticed how much foliage was on the ground and how little dirt she could see through it. “Oh… great…”

“I’d suggest we pick up a few sticks.”

“Yeah.”

They went through a lot of sticks as they walked through, slowly activating each bear trap in their path. Each snap made Katara’s blood run cold.

As they kept walking down the slope, she noticed that they were coming across more and more traps. Zuko didn’t seem all that surprised about it, and she didn’t like it. The more they walked, the more she wondered if he knew that there would be so many traps. They were alone, far and isolated enough for anything to happen. Not even animals seemed to be coming through this part of the woods. And she was one of the few people who actively opposed his presence in the group. Instead of fighting her head-on, maybe he wanted a more roundabout approach to getting rid of her, one that would exonerate him of any fault. Just an accident.

As another trap closed on the branch she was holding, she stopped walking.

“Are we even going to the lake?” she asked.

He turned to her with a confused look. “Yes?”

“Really? Because the only thing we seem to be going towards is more bear traps.”

“Like I said, the townsfolk probably put them there.”

“I know, but it’s the fact that you keep walking towards the traps that’s suspicious.”

He sighed. “You want mushrooms or not?”

“I don’t want to get killed.”

“We’re not gonna get killed, we’re almost at the lake anyway.”

“Right, you’re not gonna get killed, but I don’t think you have the same plans for me.”

He stared at her blankly before frowning. “What exactly are you implying?” he asked slowly.

She mirrored his frown. “You know exactly what I’m implying.”

“Well, you’ll be happy to know that you are wrong,” he gritted out.

Tui and La, she wanted to punch him with her water so badly. Maybe freeze him to a tree and leave him there to thaw himself out.

“Sure,” she spat out before walking again and shoving him with her shoulder in the process. “I’d still like to remind you that you’re on extremely thin ice. If anything happens to me, you’re as good as dead.”

“I know.”

She shot him one last glare before walking again, spotting a stick nearby that would be good to check any traps-

The tell-tale sound of a trap closing rang out.

Something was stopping her leg from moving.

Her eyes widened as she looked down to see the trap’s jaws mauling her ankle through her boot. She’d been so sure that he’d checked that part of the path.

Lightheadedness hit her before pain. But when the pain came along, it was impossible to ignore. Her hands gripped Zuko’s arms and he led her to sit down.

“Don’t move.”

“What do you think I’m doing?” she gritted out through her pain and tears. It took everything in her not to scream.

Zuko looked at her leg still stuck in the trap’s tight grip. “Okay, good news or bad news first?”

She glared at him even though her eyes were blurry. “Does it matter?”

“Bad news, you’re not gonna be able to walk for a bit,” he said far too calmly. “Good news, the trap is defective and hasn’t completely destroyed your ankle.”

“Oh joy!”

He moved to touch her leg. “Look, if we just-”

“Don’t you fucking touch me!”

He sighed and put his hands in the air, far from her leg. “I’m going to help you out of this.”

“No, I’m going to get myself out of this, and you’re gonna stay away as far as I can still see you, got it?”

“And how will you free yourself?”

“I’ll freeze it,” she said as she uncorked her waterskin and tried to bend the water out. It wasn’t following her movements.

“Katara, you’re shaking.” She didn’t like his tone, it sounded too much like when her mum would try to make her change her mind about doing something stupid. “I can open the trap for you, and then I’ll leave you to it, okay?”

“Fuck. Off.”

She tried to tried to move the water again, but it just splashed to the ground. Spirits, it hurt so much. She wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.

“Look, when you healed me earlier on, I didn’t trust you,” he said calmly but firmly. “Still don’t. But I let you heal me because otherwise things would go really badly. And because Azula kept nagging me about it, but that’s besides the point. I let you help me even if I don’t like you. Right now, you need to do the same, or your leg will get worse. Do you want your leg to get worse?” She bit her tongue and shook her head. “Then let me help you.”

She didn’t want to. She really didn’t want to. But unfortunately, he was right. She wouldn’t be able to get herself out of this mess, and she didn’t know where Sokka was so she couldn’t call for him.

“If I could trust you for a moment, then you can do the same.”

Through her ragged breaths, she managed to answer a small, “Fine.”

He looked relieved as he moved to touch her leg again. She felt a small jolt and tried very hard to not fight him back.

“What was that?” she said quickly.

“It’s to make things less painful. I’m gonna open the trap on three, okay?”

“Okay,” she replied, knowing fully well that he would open it on two. That’s how most doctors did it.

He nodded and took hold of the trap. “One-”

“AGH!”

She quickly moved her leg away and clutched it tightly as she fell to the ground. She couldn’t think of anything except about how much it hurt. She couldn’t even bare to see how much it was bleeding.

As she kept whimpering in pain, she felt a warm sensation that seem to calm her. She leaned in as it made her mind clearer. Right, she should probably heal herself. She pushed herself up and noticed that Zuko had been touching her head for some reason before moving away. Whatever, her bleeding ankle was a bigger priority. And boy was it bleeding. She quickly got to work to stop that before anything else, but it wasn’t going quick enough.

“Is it bad?”

She sighed as she let go of the water, feeling a migraine arrive. “It would be easier if I could submerge it.”

“Alright, I’ll carry you to the lake.”

“What?!” Fuck that!

His glare made it clear that this was not up for debate, and while she absolutely did not want him to carry her, her leg was still her priority.

The way to the lake as he carried her on his back felt like the most awkward thing she’d ever lived through. There were still traps on their path.

When they finally saw the glittering expanse of water, Katara couldn’t help but breathe out a sigh of relief. Zuko quickly helped her down, and oh Spirits did it feel good to put her leg in the water. Well, it stung like crazy, but it still felt good. It was also way easier to heal her wound now that she didn’t have to move the water and could just focus on the healing part.

After a few minutes of doing so, she took a little break and turned to see what Zuko was doing. Sure enough, he seemed to be collecting mushrooms, the thing they were actually here for. Well, at least their trip had been for something, right?

After a few more minutes, he came back to her and showed her the basket filled with brown, yellow and orange mushrooms. One of them looked like the poisonous one he had pointed out earlier, and she told him so.

“Yeah, but if you look under the cap, there’s no bump, while the poisonous ones have one.”

“What do they do if you eat them?”

“Uh… diarrhea, vomiting, some hallucinations sometimes, and death.”

“Lovely…” She paused. “Although I’d take that over the cordyceps.”

His eyes widened and he snorted. “I guess… although that’s more of an insect issue.”

“Well if I was an insect I wouldn’t want that.”

“Same here,” he said with a small smile. He looked… happy to talk to her. It felt weird.

They both turned as they heard something walking in on the other side of the lake. It was a deer-boar. It limped closer to the lake and collapsed to drink from it.

“It got caught,” Katara said as she noticed the trap stuck to its leg. Poor thing.

“I’m surprised anything still lives in this part of the forest,” Zuko said as he got up.

“The townsfolk should take those traps away, they’re only making the forest more dangerous.”

“Hopefully they will,” he said as he started walking around the lake and towards the deer-boar. It noticed his presence and tried to get up before immediately collapsing again. Zuko seemed to be making a sound, but from where she was she could only hear the deer-boar’s cries.

Zuko slowly extended his arms and got on his knees as he waited for the animal to stop trying to run or fight. As he did so, Katara got up to join him since she would probably have to heal it. When she arrived, Zuko was holding the deer-boar’s head which somehow seemed to make it calm down.

“Can you hide his eyes? I’m gonna open the trap, but I can’t exactly reach for it,” he said while gesturing at his shackles.

“Sure.”

“Make sure you hold it too. Wouldn’t want it to run away.”

She nodded as she wrapped one of her arms around its torso and put her free hand over its eyes, grateful that it didn’t have any antlers to jam into her head if it moved. When Zuko opened the trap and freed its bleeding leg, it moved a little bit, as if trying to get up and run but not having the strength to. It seemed to be pleading with them to let it go.

“We switch?” she asked, and he nodded before taking her place and holding the deer-boar down as best he could with his restraints.

As she bent the water around its leg, she could tell that it was getting antsy.

“Shh,” she heard Zuko whisper. “It’s okay, everything’s okay.”

It cried as she accelerated the clotting.

“I know, I know,” he said gently. “Don’t worry, it won’t take long.”

As the tendon and skin repaired itself, it whimpered softly.

“You’re doing great, just hold on a little more.”

By the time she finished healing it as best as she could, the deer-boar was completely still in Zuko’s arms except for its chest rising up and down.

“There, you did wonderfully,” he smiled softly before turning to her. “All good?”

She couldn’t help but stare a bit before nodding. “All good.”

“Alright, now move away.”

She did so and waited as Zuko moved his arm while still keeping the animal’s eyes closed before sitting as far as he could. When he moved his hand away, the deer-boar immediately bolted away from them. It faltered a little at first, but soon it ran back towards the forest. They watched it disappear, and Katara hoped that it was running towards a place with less traps.

She turned to Zuko to see him still looking softly at where the deer-boar vanished. In that moment, he didn’t look like the maniac that had tried to capture or kill her and her friends. He didn’t look like the monster that haunted her nightmares. He didn’t look like the danger that stalked the people she cared about.

It was weird, she didn’t know how to feel about this.

She couldn’t believe she was starting to entertain the possibility of Azula being right.

“How’s your leg?”

“Huh? Oh, it’s uh… It’s better.”

He nodded with a small smile. “Good.”

Tui and La, what world was she living in?

(“Just give him some space, alright? Stop acting like he’s the worst person to have ever existed-”)

(“-I don’t think his intentions are bad. I mean, some people are just weird, and from what I’ve seen, that’s just how he is.”)

Spirits, she could not start entertaining the possibility that he was actually good. It felt wrong, and… Damn it, why did he have to be so nice to a fucking deer-boar of all things? And why did he have to insist on helping her? And why was he smiling like that? She had to resist the urge to groan at the stupidity happening in her head.

“There you are!”

They both turned to see Sokka run up to them.

“There were so many traps in there!”

“Yeah,” Katara said as she showed him her mangled boot. “We noticed.”

His eyes widened as he sat next to her. “Shit, are you hurt?”

“I was, but I healed myself.” He sighed in relief as she paused, wondering if she should add the extra detail in her mind. “Zuko helped.”

Sokka stared at her, then at Zuko, then at her again like he was processing what she had just said. Yeah, same here.

“Well uh… Let’s head back?”

Katara nodded. “Yeah.”

She turned to Zuko, who also nodded. “Yeah.”

As they walked back with a collection of sticks to break on traps, Zuko walked behind them to check the mushrooms Sokka had collected, to Sokka’s slight offence.

“I did what you said, okay? I did not pick up poison!”

“Famous last words of someone getting poisoned.”

Sokka groaned and gave Katara an irritated look. She couldn’t help her mirth as she shook her head. Now this was a bit more normal. Although she couldn’t help but notice that she felt less on guard around the firebender.

None of the mushrooms were poisonous, and the food she made that day was very good. Azula looked a bit too smug as Katara vaguely recounted Zuko helping her out of the trap. She couldn’t help but not be too mad about it.

Chapter Text

“Alright, that was a good punch. Just remember to keep your torso steady, you were kind of moving with the wind.”

Aang nodded at Azula’s remark before trying the kata again, this time focusing on keeping himself steady. Even with all of his lessons with Toph, he still defaulted to a more fluid posture sometimes, which also affected his firebending.

“That’s better,” she nodded.

Aang grinned. “Thanks! What did you think, Zuko?”

Zuko looked up from the sword he was sharpening. “Why are you asking me? I’m not your teacher.”

“Yeah, but it’s cool to have the advice of two masters instead of one!”

He blinked. “I wasn’t looking.”

Aang tried not to deflate at that while being met with Azula’s unimpressed stare. Okay fine, maybe he was pushing a bit too much, but he really wanted both siblings to help him with his firebending! There was just something telling him that this was how it should be. Sokka would call it instincts, but it was more than that. Either way, while he absolutely loved having Azula as his teacher, he also wanted Zuko in the fray, especially since they were starting to become friends. Well, he hoped that they were, Zuko still called him ‘Avatar’ which felt a bit impersonal, and he was pretty sure that the firebender knew his name. He was trying to be even more friendly, like showing him his marble trick or complementing his weird new haircut, but that last one just seemed to make him uncomfortable. Oh well, baby steps.

His lesson went on in the afternoon until Azula decided that he had gotten the hang of the new set of kata she had been teaching him.

“And since we’ve got a bit of time left, I thought I could start teaching you lightning redirection.”

“Really? Awesome!”

“Well, it’ll all be theoretical, obviously, but you never know when you’ll need it.”

Well, they all kind of knew, but Aang still didn’t want to think about the fact that he was still on a time limit to defeat Ozai.

“The technique is based on waterbending, so you already have a bit of an advantage. Er… I don’t exactly remember how my uncle put it, but you have to use the act of turning your opponent’s energy against them? Does that make sense?” Aang nodded. “Okay, good. Er… So, when the lightning hits and you redirect it, it’s actually the energy flowing through your body that the lightning is following. You create a pathway through your fingertips, through your arm to your shoulder, down to your stomach and back out of the other arm,” she explained while showing him the move. “And make sure it goes through the stomach and not the heart because that’s just a likely way to get a heart attack. Now, copy me.”

Aang copied her a few times and noticed that Zuko was watching. If he wasn’t cuffed, he guessed that the firebender would also be trying this move out. He had to remember to ask his friends if they could uncuff him at some point.

“Okay, you’ve got the motion down, but now I need you to really feel the energy following your movements.” He nodded and focused. “Do you feel it?”

“Yeah, it’s a little tingly. It feels like when Katara heals.”

“Well, I guess that makes sense…”

“How does it feel like when it goes through you?”

She hummed. “The tingling sensation becomes a lot more heightened, and depending on the strength of the attack, it can be quite hard to handle. When my fa- Ozai shot me, it felt like my arms were about to explode. Every cell in my body was screaming to shoot it out, and honestly if I hadn’t learned the motion so much, I would have forgotten to lead the lightning through the right path.”

Aang grimaced at that, not liking hearing how she had been treated by someone who was supposed to love her. “Did it hurt afterwards?”

“Not really. My arms felt a little fuzzy, but it didn’t last for long. If you do it right, there’s no reason you should get hurt.”

Aang nodded as the image of that lightning bender’s scars from the Sun Warrior came into his mind. No offence, but he didn’t want to end up with more lightning scars, even if they looked pretty cool on her.

“Naturally, I’m going to drill this form into your very being so that even you next incarnations can remember it,” she added with a small smile.

Aang laughed at that. “Good, I don’t really wanna be fried again.” He cringed as he remembered that Zuko was here and listening. “Not that I’m mad at you, Zuko!” The firebender just shrugged awkwardly. “By the way, when did you start learning how to make lightning?”

It took a few seconds for him to respond, probably trying to figure out if the question was for him. “Since I was eleven.”

Aang’s jaw dropped. “Eleven? Didn’t that lightning bender say that you shouldn’t start that young?” he asked Azula.

She looked a bit green as she nodded. “Yes, she did say that.”

“Lightning bender?”

“I’ll explain later.”

“Did your father make you learn that?”

“Of course,” he almost chuckled. “You think putting my nerves in danger is a hobby of mine?”

Aang bristled. “It’s just… It doesn’t seem all that safe.”

“Results overtake safety with him.” Aang nodded sadly at that. The more he learned about the Fire Lord, the worse it got, depicting a really awful picture of Azula and Zuko’s childhoods. “Don’t look so glum, Avatar, at least I learned how to dull pain with it.”

“You can call me Aang, you know?”

Zuko cleared his throat while fiddling with the whetstone in his hand. “Right… By the way, Azzy, did you ever learn anything about lightning bending?”

“Well, Uncle tried to teach me the basics, but apparently I had too much inner turmoil to get it right. Just kept exploding the air instead.”

He chuckled. “Wanna try again?”

She thought for a few seconds. “Uh… sure! Aang, your lesson’s over for the day, I need to go get my face blown up.”

Aang nodded nervously as Zuko got up. “I’ll go get Katara, just in case.”

---

“I have a question,” Azula asked once Aang was out of earshot. “Uncle said that you needed to be at peace with yourself when bending lightning. Not to assume anything, but you don’t strike me as the kind of person being at peace with anything.”

Zuko snorted while stretching his arms. “Guess I’m the exception that proves the rule?”

“It’s a genuine question,” she groaned with an eye roll. “Like, how did you get it to work in the first place? I remember you never being able to make a bolt before I was banished, so what changed?”

“Well, Ozai threatened to put a hit on you during your banishment if I didn’t do it properly, if I remember correctly.”

Azula’s stomach dropped as her mind went over the implications. “That’s… uh…”

“So I guess my motivation was keeping you safe?” he went on without noticing her paling. “Actually, I guess that sums up my entire existence pretty well…”

She slowly nodded. “It’s… sweet?”

“More like pathetic,” he smiled.

She stilled while trying not to frown. “Is that the voices saying this?”

“Well, they call me pathetic all the time, but having only one person to motivate your entire reason to live is pretty pathetic when you look at it objectively.”

She took a deep breath and grabbed his shoulders tightly. “Stop calling yourself pathetic.”

“It’s just the tru-”

“Stop. Calling. Yourself. Pathetic.” she repeated.

“Fine,” he sighed before turning to the side. “Hey, didn’t you hear her? She said to stop calling me that.” He scoffed while shaking his head. “Man, they’re so rude sometimes, can you believe it?” He smile dropped at her very concerned expression. “I’m trying to lighten up the mood here.”

“You’re not helping.”

“Agni, there’s always something-”

“I don’t think making fun of your condition will help, that’s all I’m say-”

“Do you want to learn how to shoot a bolt or not?”

She sighed as he once again deflected. “Yes, but we should still-”

“Good,” he rudely interrupted while cracking his knuckles. “Show me what Iroh taught you already.”

She sighed again and showed him the cold kata Uncle had previously taught her, but it had been months since that day so it was pretty crude. Zuko then spent the next few minutes finding every flaw in her stance and movements, which made her feel a bit disgruntled by the end of it. Still, she knew he wasn’t trying to offend her, she’d seen firsthand how nitpicky his teachers were.

“Alright, not so bad now,” he smiled as she finished doing the kata again for what felt like the millionth time. “Now, try to actually create lightning.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” She remembered the explosions she had conjured very well.

“Just aim in that direction, there’s enough space if things go sideways.”

She proceeded to get pushed away by her own stupid explosion.

“Huh, you weren’t kidding,” Zuko hummed while looking at the burned grass left in her failure’s wake, his posture completely relaxed as if no explosion had actually happened.

“No need to rub it in,” she muttered while getting back up.

“Oh no, I just meant that I hadn’t pictured it as being so… explosive. Mine were relatively small, and the air already smelt like ozone-”

“Well lucky you, but I’m not the prodigy here,” she spat out with more anger than she’d intended. This whole thing of not getting a lesson as fast as him just reminded her of her childhood, where all her teachers seem to know was compare her to her brother.

(“You should be faster at this!”)

(“Prince Zuko had already mastered the next six sets at your age.”)

Zuko bristled slightly, but didn’t let any pause happen. “Nevertheless, we know what you’re starting with,” he said with the princely tone she didn’t like hearing. She liked even less the fact that he wasn’t looking at her anymore. “Tell me, how does it feel on the inside when you’re trying to produce lightning?”

She shrugged, more concerned with finding an apology for raising her voice. She knew that it wasn’t his fault that people kept comparing her skill to his, but it was hard to remember that sometimes.

“Fuzzy?”

“Well, it’s supposed to feel more like a rush of energy coursing through you, a bit like when you get startled. You become hyperaware of your body as it fully wakes up, even if it’s just for a few seconds. At least, that’s how I feel it.”

“Alright, a rush of energy. But how do you get it to be stable?”

He shrugged. “Focus and precision,” he said simply, as if it was the easiest feat known to mankind. Of course he did, that was exactly what he was known for.

“Well that’s going to take a while,” she mumbled while moving through the cold kata again.

“Obviously, I don’t expect you to get it in one day,” he said with a bit of mirth in his voice. Okay, that was good, now she just needed to apologise.

She had been apologising a lot lately.

“I’m sorry for earlier,” she said awkwardly, because apologising to Zuko was much harder than apologising to the others. It wasn’t something she had ever had to do before her banishment, but it seemed like something she should do now to give him some peace of mind. The more direct she was with him, the better, right? Not being direct with him was what had caused a lot of recent problems.

He titled his head. “For what?”

“The whole prodigy thing.”

“Oh, that’s fine. Already forgot about it.”

“No, you didn’t like it and I shouldn’t have said that.”

He shrugged. “Well, I guess I have been constantly setting the bar too high for you. The number of times you would complain about it proves that.”

She winced, vaguely remembering getting angry at him about a year after she had started firebending for making her look bad in front of their family with how better he was at bending. Even when you took away the fact that he had been bending since he was three and her seven, he had advanced way faster in one year of training compared to her. And that had lead to some very fiery fights, pun unintended since she had only used her words as well as shoving him.

“It wasn’t your fault, I-”

“Azula, I don’t care. If it makes you feel bad, it makes you feel bad. I’m not going to get angry because of it.”

“Well I made you feel bad.”

“No you didn’t.”

She snorted. “You clearly didn’t look happy with what I said.”

A frown pulled at his lips, which he was clearly trying to keep in check. “No I didn’t.”

“Lying doesn’t suit you.”

“I lied pretty well to Father until you ruined it.” They both stood quietly at that, not knowing what to do about what was clearly a slip up on Zuko’s part. “Sorry, I… Anyway, I don’t expect you to get on the same level as me so quickly, I am the madman that started lightning bending at eleven, an age that a certain mysterious lightning bender I’d like to hear about said was dangerous to start with.”

She chuckled at this. “We met her at the Sun Warriors’. She had so many lightning scars, it was honestly pretty impressive.”

“How old is she?”

“Around your age, I think, and just as crazy-sounding as you do when you talk about testing new things with firebending.” She stilled. “I didn’t mean crazy as in-”

“Did she show you anything?” he asked, apparently unbothered by her slip up.

“No, but she did seem to know a lot about lightning injuries. Morbidly so. She also talked about healing with fire, on top of muscle cramps and stuff. She’s the one who told me about healing the mind, along with nerves.”

“Oh yeah, the nerve part is really useful. I met this guy-” He cut himself off, as if regretting mentioning this. “There was this… injured soldier who had knee pains while I was in the Earth Kingdom, so I helped him out a bit with a few carefully placed zaps.”

“So while you were chasing me and Uncle, you were also healing random soldiers?” she couldn’t help but smile. It sounded a bit hard to imagine, but not impossible.

He just shrugged. “I guess…”

“Speaking of you chasing me and Uncle, I remember you saying back at that spa that you had a plan to get us back to the palace. What was all that about?” It wasn’t something she had put much thought in since Zuko usually didn’t make convoluted plans, but then again the fall of Ba Sing Se had been pretty convoluted from what he, Mai and Ty Lee had told her. But since he had mentioned that period of time, she couldn’t help but wonder.

He frowned a little while looking away. “Nothing.”

Remembering his reply the last time she’d asked (“You’re not gonna like it.”), she decided to push more.

“You said something about convincing Ozai to let us come back.”

“I did, but that was a stupid idea,” he shrugged, trying to seem casual. “We both know how terrible I am at planning.”

“How terrible you were at planning. You didn’t just conquer Ba Sing Se with dumb luck, so come on! Tell me about your schemes,” she added with a bit of excitement, as if they were going to gossip about something he had hear from the palace’s staff like old times.

He did not seem all that excited about it. In fact, he seemed downright uncomfortable.

(“You’re not gonna like it.”)

“It wasn’t good, your failed idea to steal those meat buns was a masterpiece in comparison.”

Okay, he was definitely hiding something, especially if he was referencing something that old. She’d been what, eight? She had to go another way about it to get some answers.

“What would you have done if he’d said no?” she tried instead.

He thought for a few seconds. “I guess I would have fought him.”

Her eyes grew wide. “Seriously?”

He shrugged. “I told you it wasn’t a great plan…”

(“- I would’ve fucking killed him for you if I had to! I would’ve shot him straight in the chest if he hurt you again-”)

She couldn’t help but smile. “I’m honoured that you think so highly of me.”

He chuckled. “Well, you did talk back to him for the Agni Kai, so I guess that would have repaid you for your effort, as misguided as it was,” he said as his fingers brushed over one of her burnt wrists.

She couldn’t help but sigh dejectedly at that. “And I would do it again a thousand more times if I had to.”

“I mean, it wasn’t all that useful in the end, but it’s the thought that counts.”

“Hey, my banishment did end with us committing treason, so I’d say it did lead to something substancial.”

“Well, my treason is still unofficial, but I do see it.” They both chuckled at that.

“Either way, it was worth it. You didn’t deserve this,” she insisted while cupping his left cheek, careful not to touch his scar. He made a small grimace, but it didn’t seem to be about the physical contact. “I’m serious, you didn’t.”

“Sure…”

“There’s no possible situation I could imagine where you would. No one deserves this, except maybe for the asshole who did it.”

He sighed. “Yeah…”

“Zuko, it wasn’t your fault, okay?” she stressed, remembering how he had reacted earlier at the same subject. He nodded, but didn’t seem all that convinced. “I want you to say it.”

He didn’t, instead stepping away from her and turning around to see Aang and Katara making their way towards them. Azula tried to contain her frustration at the fact that he was deflecting the conversation again, this time by literally walking away. Mark her words, they were going to finish this damn conversation one day.

“See? No injuries,” Katara sighed as the two got in earshot.

Azula snorted. “You actually thought we were going to hurt each other?”

Aang looked away in embarrassment. “I mean, we heard a lot of explosions. Plus Katara said you apparently burned Zuko?”

“Let’s not talk about that anymore, shall we?” she said while trying not to grimace. Spirits, that had been such a stupid lie. With how weirdly Zuko seemed to perceive reality sometimes, they were lucky he hadn’t just believed it and thought that she’d done it instead.

“So, did you manage to make lightning?” Aang asked instead.

“Nope, only explosions.”

“We’re working on it,” Zuko added.

Katara crossed her arms, looking a bit uncomfortable as she frowned at him. “Right, well can you at least tone it down a bit? Between you and Toph throwing boulders everywhere, we can barely hear each other.”

“I think we’re done for today anyway.”

“We barely did anything,” Azula countered.

“You look like you need a break, and I need to get back to sharpening.”

She scoffed as she started walking back to camp. “I do not need a break, but fine, sharpen all you like.”

Okay, maybe she did feel a little knackered, but he didn’t have to point it out. She still had a reputation, damn it!

Oh well, after a small break, she could try to figure out a way to stop him from beating himself up over something he had no fault in. And make him feel better about whatever was happening with his head. And also get better at doing that cold kata for lightning. Oh, and maybe she could ask Suki to spar with her, she hadn’t tried that yet.

There, a long list of things to do, just as she liked it. ‘You look like you need a break’, yeah right, as if she’d ever lounge around and do nothing!

---

Contrary to popular belief, Toph wasn’t just throwing boulders everywhere. She was terraforming. Why, you may ask, was she terraforming? Well maybe because this stupid rock structure near their camp wasn’t stable enough, leading it to crush them in their sleep tonight, that’s why. From what she could tell, it wasn’t very naturally occurring, and after asking for Sokka to tell her if it was just some weird ass shrine or not just in case, she told them all to fuck off so that she could dismantle whatever the fuck was standing in front of her.

Okay, so maybe what she was doing didn’t really fit in the definition of terraforming, but the structure was fused to the ground in some places, so whatever.

By the time she got it to be somewhat stable for it to not barrel down on them at any moment’s notice, she was starting to feel a bit sore. Even the greatest earthbender of all time could get tired. When she came back to camp, it seemed like Azula and Suki were trying to kill each other with swords, but since no one else seemed worried she just walked past them. Aang, Katara and Sokka were with Appa, with Katara trying to heal him a little while the other two groomed him, at least from what she could tell. And finally, Zuko was sitting further away while sharpening one of his swords with Momo nearby, an activity that he’d started since they’d finished eating their lunch.

Toph sat down near her sleeping mat, feeling tired by the heat, and was immediately assaulted by a wayward Momo.

“Okay okay, I get it!” she shouted as he licked her face repeatedly. He quickly settled down, allowing her to pet him without having to fight for her life.

As her hands went through his short but still soft fur, she slowly let herself unwind and laid down on the floor. Apart from the sword fighting happening to her left, everything felt pretty calm, which was a rarity in their group these days. But right now, no heartbeat was going too fast, no one was fighting for real, and everything seemed-

She tensed as she felt Zuko’s heartbeat pick up. Quickly, she focused, trying to sense any oncoming dangers. But there was nothing. No weird metal machines on their tail, no enemies in the area, not even a wild animal getting ready to charge at them. The others hadn’t reacted to anything different, no running or shouting, and Appa and Momo hadn’t even flinched. And they all knew how fast Momo was at detecting danger when awake, something he very much was. But the firebender’s heartbeat was still running fast, even as said firebender didn’t react either. As if he didn’t feel his heart pounding against his chest.

Toph sighed as she let herself relax. This wasn’t the first time this had happened. She hadn’t really paid much attention to it at first since he wasn’t surrounded by people who liked him, and Katara’s anger was strong enough to not need eyes to see. A glare would be enough to make his heart go faster, and that was what she’d chalked it up to. But recently, there were times where everyone seemed somewhat calm, where no fights were happening, and where his heartbeat still rose for no reasons. Now that she thought about it more, it felt like when Aang had first woken up from his coma, where his heart rate would pick up at random intervals. Katara had said that it was because of the lightning that had gone through him, and since Zuko made lightning, maybe he just had a heart problem? It could come from an accident, probably when he’d first started, so maybe that was why he didn’t seem to react to it?

Still, she was just speculating, and this whole thing was getting very weird, and a bit distracting, The number of times she had thought they were in danger because of those false alarms was starting to get too big for her liking.

Eventually, Zuko got up and went to say something to Azula before walking away from their camp. Toph took this as her opportunity to finally understand what the fuck was going on with his heart. She tried to be somewhat sneaky as she followed him, because making people jump was always funny, but he seemed to notice her even without turning around. It was weird, almost like he could sense her. She would have understood this better if he were an earthbender.

“What’s up, Princy?”

Sadly, he did not jump as he turned to her. “Nothing much,” he shrugged.

“What are you doing?”

“Just… taking a walk. Why? Do you think I’m up to something nefarious as soon as you all turn your backs?”

She snorted at how intensely he’d said that. “Don’t be so paranoid, I could sense you weren’t lying when you said you’d be on our side anyway.”

He shifted a bit. “I know, that’s why I’m saying this out loud,” He said smoothly before pausing, a clear contrast to the beating of his heart. “So what are you here for?”

“I got a question for you.”

“Okay?”

“Your heartbeat picks up at random, like when no one’s talking or when nothing bad is happening. Do you have a heart problem?”

He stayed silent for a few seconds, during which his heartbeat picked up more, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Not that I’m aware of…”

He wasn’t lying, and she was pretty sure that he would know if he had a heart problem, or at least be somewhat aware that something was wrong. So that meant that this had to be about him feeling unsafe, which was fair in a sense.

“You don’t have to worry about the others trying to hurt you, you know?”

“Uh… okay?”

“I mean, they’re not gonna attack you for no reason. And if they do, Azula will probably kill them in their sleep.” She didn’t have to add the fact that he was a fucking nightmare to deal with in a fight, and that those cuffs probably wouldn’t do much either.

He chuckled slightly. “I know. I feel like she’s made that quite clear.”

“So, do you know why your heart goes crazy for no reason?”

His silence was enough for her to know that he did.

“You know. What is it, then?”

Again, he stayed silent.

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“What do you care?”

“I keep feeling you freak out internally when nothing happens! Your heart is going crazy, and it’s driving me crazy, so just spill it out!”

He let out an annoyed sigh, but otherwise said nothing.

This wasn’t going anywhere. She could tell that pushing him to talk wouldn’t do much, and that she would sadly need a more, ugh, softer approach. How did Katara get others to talk about their problems again?

“I’ve noticed some weird stuff you do. Like, sometimes it feels like you’re zoning out a bit?” His heart got faster. Shit. “I’m pretty sure Azula’s noticed too, with how glued to you she’s been, but the others probably haven’t. They’re somehow blinder than I am with this sort of stuff,” she added jokingly.

Thankfully, that seemed to loosen him up a bit. “Well, you can’t expect people to notice everything. By the way, were you born blind, or…?”

“Yup.”

“How much light can you percieve?”

“Not a whole lot. Sometimes I can kinda see some light, but that’s when it gets really bright.” The Si Wong Desert hadn’t just been disorientating because of how blurry everything had felt. “Why? Trying to suss out some weaknesses?” she grinned.

“No, it’s just that… Well, I’m uh… partially blind, so I just wondered how it went… with you…”

She blinked. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah… You can’t exactly get your eye burnt without some damage happening.”

“Huh.” It felt kinda cool to have someone else who was blind on their team, even if the prospect of getting your eye burnt sounded really fucking horrible. She wondered how he got it.

“But, yeah, I get the whole thing of people not noticing stuff that’s in right front of their faces.”

“Yeah, they rely too much on what they see to, well, see anything,” she chuckled. “By the way, you noticed me walking behind you, and I know for a fact that I wasn’t that loud. So what was that?”

“That… Well, I suppose it’s like what you do.”

“That’s really vague.”

“From what I understand, you can sense the world around you with your earthbending, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“What I do is kinda the same, but with firebending.”

“Uh… how? As far as I know, the world around us isn’t on fire.”

He chuckled. “Well, fire is heat, heat or lack thereof is all around us, and that’s what I sense.”

“Dude, I didn’t not wake up this morning thinking I learn how much we’ve got in common! Wait, is that how you managed to dodge all my attacks during the eclipse?”

“Yeah, the air shifts around a bit, and I’ve learnt how to predict attacks while it happens.”

“Nice! I usually figure it out with how someone is moving and the vibrations in the ground.”

“Yeah, people can telegraph a lot of things with just how they move,” he said with a bit of excitement. Not as much as when he and Suki had raved about that play, but pretty close.

“Yeah, they think they’re all subtle and shit. It’s hilarious when they think they’re making a feint even when it’s so obvious!” she grinned, before remembering what she was here to talk about. “Wait, back to our subject. Why are you so freaked out when you can sense what’s happening around you? Wouldn’t that make you feel safer?”

What happy energy he’d just had seemed to vanish with her question. She felt a bit bad about it, but she really needed to know why he was doing that.

“I… It’s not that important…”

“It is if it freaks you out that much.”

He stayed silent for a while, but it felt more like he was thinking of how to put it into words than just not wanting to say anything. So she let him think as she felt his heartbeat fluctuate, making her feel uneasy.

“I… You know when sometimes, you imagine the worst case scenario and agonise over it even though it won’t happen?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s kinda something like that. Sometimes, I uh… I imagine some pretty bad things people I know would say to me. I can’t really control when it happens, and it… well, it’s just not very pleasant.”

Oh… that didn’t sound great. “What do they say?”

“The kind of things you’d imagine someone saying about me. I’m not exactly hard to find negative things to talk about. It’s usually… yeah, it’s unpleasant.”

“Do you imagine your dad saying that?” she asked carefully.

“Yes, amongst others. It can be very… vivid, sometimes, almost like they’re right next to me saying I should… Sometimes, it’s like I can see them right in front of me, and what I see is… unpleasant.” Toph nodded, starting to realise that what he meant by ‘unpleasant’ was probably much worse. “I know it’s all in my head, obviously, but sometimes it’s… it can be hard to remember that.”

“That… doesn’t sound great…”

He huffed out a chuckle. “Yeah…”

“Does Azula know?”

“She does.”

“Okay, that’s good. Is there anything that stops you from thinking that?” Stupid question, but you never know.

“Not really… no… I just have a very vivid imagination, apparently. Not even the heat sensing thing helps sometimes.”

Toph nodded. It sounded like having nightmares while being awake, which was… yeah…

“If you want, I could, uh… tell you when it happens? Like, when your heart rate picks up for no reason, I could tell you that there’s nothing there.”

He shifted a bit. “You… You don’t have to do that. I don’t want to bother you more than I already am.”

She could understand that, the want to pull his own weight. It was what she’d done before joining her friends. But since then, she’d understood that it actually wasn’t that bad to rely on others sometimes. And he probably needed to learn that too. They would be better teammates if they relied on each other more, and he couldn’t learn that if she or the others didn’t give him that chance to understand.

“Hey, it doesn’t bother me,” she shrugged.

“It’s fine. Really.”

“You know, if you freak out less, then Azula will probably freak out less.” That seemed to get his attention. “She’s been a bit jumpy lately, more than usual anyway.”

“I suppose she has,” he muttered. “Well, if you are okay with doing this, then… go ahead, I guess.”

“Cool, although I would have done it regardless.”

He chuckled. “Thank you. It’s… very kind of you.”

“Yeah yeah, don’t get all mushy.”

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Nah, I’m already perfect!”

She paused and actually though about his offer. He wouldn’t trust her if she didn’t trust him in return, right?

“Actually, now that you mention it…”

---

“Did you guys hear that?”

They all stopped what they were doing at Aang’s question.

“Hear what?” Katara asked as Sokka strained his ear, trying to hear something out of the ordinary. There was just the sound of birds and leaves russling.

“I don’t know, I thought…” A distant splash rang out. “There! That was it! You heard it, right?”

“Yeah…” Sokka hummed.

“What do you think it was?” Suki asked.

“Well, it came from the river,” Aang said as he jumped down from Appa and look off his boots. He got into an earthbending stance that Sokka recognised from his training and hit the ground with one of his feet. “Yeah, I still can’t sense that far…”

“Maybe we should check it out,” Azula said while holding her sword, clearly ready to use it. “Just in case.”

“You think there’s something dangerous there?” Sokka asked as he grabbed his own sword.

“Well, we are fugitives. You never know who would be crazy enough to follow us.”

Aang too his staff and nodded. “Hopefully it’s just an animal taking a bath.”

They all left their camp, weapons and bending ready for whatever was out there. But once they arrived to the river, they all realised that they weren’t in any trouble, and sighed in relief even though the sight before them was really… odd.

Toph and Zuko were both in the water, and while it wasn’t particularly odd for the latter, the former was very much known for not knowing how to swim.

“What are you doing?” Katara shouted.

“For your information, Sugar Queen, I’ve elected to hire Sparky here to teach me how to swim!”

Sokka blinked at that. “But he can’t swim! He’s cuffed!”

“Well I can float on the surface now, so he’s doing something ri-” Toph disappeared from the surface, and Zuko quickly grabbed her to bring her back up.

“Don’t stop kicking, you’re gonna drown otherwise.”

“Noted,” she huffed out while holding his arm.

“Why did you ask him?” Katara asked, sounding almost jealous. It was probably a bit offensive to not ask a waterbender to teach you how to swim. Sokka couldn’t help but snort at that.

“We’re doing team building exercises!” she grinned sardonically.

“Ha ha,” Katara muttered while crossing her arms.

“Well, I guess everything’s fine, then,” said Aang.

“Hey! Stop pulling!”

They all turned back to the two to see Toph putting too much weight on Zuko’s arm, making it harder for him to stay afloat.

“Come on, I thought you were a good swimmer!” she laughed before splashing water in his face, which could have been an accident, but knowing Toph it wasn’t.

Zuko struggled to wipe the water from his eyes as Toph still held his arm. He then gave her a glare that looked a bit playful, and wasn’t that a weird thing to associate with the guy?

“Oh, so this is how it is, huh?” he grinned, before grabbing Toph and pulling the both of them underwater.

Katara started moving, probably to stop them, but Suki stopped her while clearly containing her laughter. “No no, let them. I wanna see how this ends.”

Sokka would be lying if he said he wasn’t also a little curious to see who would drown who first. Between Toph’s kicking and Zuko simply using his body weight to slam her down, it was pretty entertaining to watch the two roughhousing.

“I think they’re starting to get too violent,” Aang cringed as Toph kicked Zuko’s face.

“No we’re not!” Toph shouted before coughing out the water Zuko splashed in her mouth.

Katara rolled her eyes at this. “This is so… immature.”

Azula snorted, and Sokka turned to see her smiling fondly as the two of them tried to kill each other. Taking into account the fact that she also fought with Zuko in a similar manner, maybe she saw this as something good. And taking into account how Toph acted… Oh Spirits, were they watching Toph and Zuko bond? Well, at least they seemed to be having fun.

“Yeah,” she grinned. “Real mature of them.”

---

Chapter Text

Zuko’s day started extremely well, with an indiscernible amount of time spent frozen on the sleeping mat he and his sister shared, terrified of the creature slowly reaching towards him to grab his heart and squeeze the blood out of it like a ripe orange. He was glad to be the first to wake up, because that meant that no one had to watch him struggle to get his breath under control and wipe the tears from his eyes as his whole body spasmed, ready to bolt at the slightest sound. And there were a lot of sounds in these woods. Birds, animal calls, the rustling of leaves and branches, the calls of Father telling him to come home, the screams of his victims, the endless buzzing in his head… When he started hearing people whisper in the trees nearby even though no one was in them (he had checked at least six times), he decided that he should probably find a way to calm his nerves. Speaking of nerves, his forearms were spasming again. What a way to start his morning.

He sat against a tree on the edge of their camp and crossed his legs with his hands placed palms upwards on his lap. His spine followed the trunk’s verticality, grounding him with the feeling of rough bark pressed against his back. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, slowly trying to compartmentalise what was and wasn’t there.

The sounds of nature were real, of course. Maybe Zuko hallucinated a bird call here or there, but at the very least those sounds were supposed to be here. Father was obviously not present, if he had somehow found them he wouldn’t be simply standing around trying to convince him to come back home while staring in disappointment. That sounded nothing like him. There weren’t any screams, because the others would have heard them. Some were distant, but others felt quite close so those would have definitely woken someone up. Yet no one was awake except for him, and Momo who had appeared to nudge his knee a few times before sitting next to him. That was fine, the lemur was growing on him. There couldn’t actually be any screams around since his victims were all dead, so no screams. The buzzing was… well, it was omnipresent in his life, so there wasn’t much he could do about it. At least it was settling into something more quiet, a droning sound that you learned to ignore as it went on. As for the whispers in the trees, they weren’t there anymore, so that was done with.

After a while of sitting in silence, alone with his thoughts and Momo, he decided to try and make a flame. He always focused better with a flame in hand, but he was a bit worried on how his weakness would effect this. Tentatively, he summoned a flame, small and weak and so unlike what he was supposed to be. That was fine, they were going somewhere to fix him. After that, he would be back to his regular nigh unachievable standards, and things would get better. He would be a perfect firebender again, and that was good because that was the only perfect thing he could be. The flame flickered in his hand, threatening to leave if he didn’t focus, so he went back to that. He focused on its warmth, as subtle as it was, on its smooth movements, calm like his breath, like his body, like his mind. He had to stay calm, not just for outward appearances or to keep his madness at bay, but… well, it did feel nice to simply be, to take in his surroundings and not perceive anything wrong or right, only what they were.

Eventually, he sensed a bit of movement in the camp, just enough to know that only one other person was up. He didn’t get out of his position, instead focusing more on the heat around him to map out his surroundings. It was a pretty easy thing to do in the Fire Nation summer, and it calmed him more to know what was truly there. Thus far, his heat sensing capabilities hadn’t failed him, although it wasn’t like he could actually focus during his episodes. But at least he now truly knew that there wasn’t anyone else here apart from the Avatar’s friends.

Speaking of which, he quickly realised who was awake thanks to the inner fire simmering inside of them. He knew Azula’s well by now, the soothing comfort it always seemed to bring as he felt it. Even now as she was sleeping, he could feel her presence calming him. The Avatar’s inner flame was much more noticeable, which made sense since he was the Avatar. So it wasn’t much of a surprise that Zuko could tell each movement the boy made as he walked around camp, stopped, then walked towards Zuko, light on his feet and impossible to hear. He crouched down a few meters away from Zuko, clearly staring at him, and Zuko decided to make him wait a few minutes before acknowledging him.

“Yes?”

The Avatar jumped and scrambled to sit back up. “How did you know I was here?”

“I don’t need eyes to see you, Avatar,” he replied with a bit of mirth in his voice, still keeping his breathing even to keep his flame alight.

“That sounds like something Toph would say… Wait, is that the weird thing with you predicting our movements?”

“I did say it worked like her seismic sense.”

“Yeah, she seemed pretty happy about that. Still wouldn’t tell me what it actually was, though…”

Zuko couldn’t stop the small smile from appearing on his face as he heard this. So the earthbender hadn’t told her friend about his heat sense? It seemed that he’d been right in deciding to trust her ever so slightly. Well, she had also pushed a lot, but he supposed he did owe it to her. Being able to constantly sense heartbeats sounded exhausting.

“Can I ask you something? Or do you wanna keep meditating?”

He let out a small sigh and opened his eyes, making his flame dissipate. “What is it?” he asked calmly.

“Why is your fire blue?”

Zuko blinked at the question and shrugged. “Who knows.”

The Avatar titled his head pensively. “There has to be a reason, right? I mean, was it always like that?”

“No, it turned blue when I was ten.”

“Did something happen by that point?”

He stared blankly as he thought of the recent events preceding his fire turning blue. Ursa had left when he was well into his ninth year, and that came with the fear of Ozai killing him, which had followed Lu Ten’s death. Ozai had started bringing him to executions as well as upping the size of animals he was supposed to kill, Nao had gotten pregnant, Aoi had just joined his staff, one of his old Masters had been pushing him to start sets meant for firebenders at least seven years older than him, and the head-cook previous from Shiori had started making a dish that he remembered finding particularly heinous.

“Nothing all that interesting.”

He squinted at Zuko, clearly questioning the validity of Zuko’s statement. Rude. “We’ll keep that option open. Azula told you about the dragons, right?” he then asked with a more quiet voice.

“Yes.”

“Their fire was multi-coloured, like a massive rainbow tornado! Maybe there’s some kind of link?”

“I don’t see how that would be possible, I thought dragons were dead until Azula told me they weren’t, and I definitely haven’t learnt whatever you two did when you met them.”

“True… Hey, do you think I could have a differently coloured fire?” he asked excitedly.

Zuko shrugged. “Maybe? I mean, people already do that with powders, but that’s just for shows. But hey, you’re the Avatar, I don’t see why you couldn’t make your fire have some wacky colours.”

“Have you ever tried doing another colour?”

“No.” He had at first, but it had quickly become clear to him that whatever flame he took control of became and remained blue. Sure, sometimes the colour became a bit purple-ish, or sometimes it got paler, but in the end it always stayed blue. As proud as he was of it, it did make things a bit harder when he was trying to stay anonymous. “You?”

“Nah, it always felt a little wrong in my head since you were the only person I’d ever seen doing it and you weren’t… uh…”

“Good?”

He winced. “I mean, that was before, you’re obviously good now since you’re helping us!”

And yet he still had this desperate need to go back home and kneel at his father’s feet. No matter how small it was, it was still there.

“Sure.”

The Avatar stayed silent for a little bit before looking up at the sky. “I think it’s gonna rain soon.”

Zuko hummed. “There’s not exactly a lot of cover in the area. Rain around this time of year can be quite heavy.”

They both looked at the rest of the camp where everyone was still sleeping. Even Momo had gone back to sleep.

“Oh, I know!”

Zuko stared as the Avatar got up and ran to the earthbender. After a few attempts to wake her up, they talked for a little bit before walking to opposite sides of the camp and rasing their arms to earthbend. Zuko’s eyes grew wide as he watched the earth and rocks around the camp slowly form into a thick dome, as if you’d taken the mouth of a cave and had removed it from the hill it was attached to. It wasn’t inconspicuous by any means, but it was impressive. He got up and picked up a still sleeping Momo in his arms before walking towards the entrance of the dome, noticing that they had even made the ground inside higher to keep dry.

“There,” the earthbender sighed as she wiped her hands. “A nice big protective layer of dirt.” She rolled her eyes as the waterbender’s brother sleepily muttered for her to shut up. “Hey, Sparky! Didja’ sleep well?”

“I haven’t slept well since I was born,” he grinned at her.

She snorted. “Well Twinkletoes, since everyone else here is being extremely lazy, I guess you’ll just have to have your earthbending training right now.”

“Or, maybe Zuko could teach me today instead?” said the Avatar as he turned to Zuko with big puppy-bat eyes.

Zuko resisted the urge to sigh. Seriously, why did the Avatar insist on having him be his teacher? Azula was a perfectly good teacher from what he’d seen, and it wasn’t like Zuko had had good examples of tutors. Plus, he couldn’t teach him a lot right now, what with being rendered completely fucking useless.

“Nah, I’ll leave you two to throw mud at each other.”

“From how heavy the air is, I’m sure there’ll be plenty of mud to throw around,” the earthbender grinned as she and a disappointed Avatar left.

Once they were gone, Zuko let out a sigh of relief before entering the dome. He was surprised to see that Azula was still asleep even though the sun had now fully risen, but he did remember her working way too much on her bending and sword fighting the previous day, so it made sense that her body needed a break. He did feel a bit jealous that his couldn’t do the same.

He sat down next to her and leaned his back on the dome’s rocky walls while placing Momo on his lap. Spirits, he was tired. He closed his eyes and sighed, hoping that if he couldn’t go back to sleep, maybe he could at least rest a bit to survive the rest of the day. Things were fine, he could hear the Avatar and the earthbender in the distance so they were close enough to know if something was wrong. He could relax a little, focus on his breath, slowly let himself drift off as the sun slowly faded behind thicker and thicker clouds…

A low and familiar booming sound stopped him from fully drifting off, announcing a faraway storm. He didn’t mind it, it actually felt quite comforting, but he did sense Azula tense next to him. He cracked his eyes open to see her breathe faster, her lips moving to mutter silently. The muscles around her face kept contracting, flinching every few seconds to show the clear signs of a nightmare. Zuko’s lack of sleep slipped from his mind as he focused on calming her down, leaning over her to stroke her shoulder. He didn’t want to use his bending to calm her with how it was currently acting up, he didn’t want to make things worse.

His heart broke as he heard a soft whimper, but he immediately froze as he made out some of her mumbles.

“Don’t… Father…”

Was… Was this a hallucination or was she actually saying this? Did she think he was their father? Did she associate him with the man? Did she… No, no she was just having a nightmare about Ozai, that was all. He had shot lighting at her, it made sense that a thunderstorm could trigger that, as far off as it may be. Plus, there was a chance that she wasn’t actually saying that, so it was fine. Things were fine.

He moved Momo to the side and scooted closer to run a hand through her hair, whispering as softly as he could that she was fine, that this was a nightmare, that their father wasn’t here, that she was safe.

“I’m here, Azzy,” he murmured as he saw wetness build around her closed eyes. “No one is going to hurt you, you hear? I’ll always protect you, I promise.”

She stirred a little, moving enough to press the top of her head against his leg. Zuko kept stroking her hair, making his hands as warm as possible while still being in control. Slowly, she seemed to calm down, relaxing into his touch while moving one hand to hold his leg. He couldn’t help but smile a little at that. It reminded him of when they used to sleep together during thunderstorms when they were little, of how she would always grip his arm or waist as if to make sure that he wouldn’t leave, as if he ever would. Back then, they didn’t have any negative associations with thunder apart from it sounding like a growling beast. How things changed.

He started humming a little, just enough to not wake anyone up while still being hearable by Azula if she wasn’t fully asleep. He tried not to think about the melody slowly forming out of his throat, of the familiarity, of the picture it produced in his mind. It had been Ursa’s favourite lullaby to sing, mostly because it was the only one him and Azula agreed was their favourite. It had always calmed them down when they were being rowdy at bedtime, just a few notes from her mouth would be enough for them to listen. This had been a good thing since, in hindsight, he was pretty sure that she’d been tone deaf. Because of that, the melody would sometimes change, and he and Azula would both tell her how she was supposed to sing it. Ursa would laugh every time that happened while keeping their feedback in mind. When they were young, they would all sit on Azula’s bed and listen to stories and songs. Him and his sister would lie their heads on their mother’s lap and listen, slowly drifting off to sleep.

Once Azula fell asleep, she would pick Zuko up in her arms and carry him to his own room. Sometimes he would also be asleep, but he would also sometimes be awake enough to talk.

(“Can’t I stay in her room?”

She chuckled. “But you’ve got your own room. Don’t you like it?”

He hugged he r neck and leaned his head on her shoulder. “I like Azzy better than my room.”

She smiled while opening his bedroom door. “That’s good.”

“Can we sleep in your room again one day? It’s been years,” he stressed while opening his arms wide. It hadn’t actually been years, but it felt like it.

“I know, we’ll have to find the right time to do another sleepover. Maybe next month when your father and grandfather are off? We’ll have the palace all to ourselves.”

“Yeah!”

“Shh,” she chuckled while sitting him one his bed. “We don’t want to wake up your father and make him realise what he’s missing,” she whispered conspiratorially.

Zuko grinned and nodded while holding his finger in front of his mouth. Mum grinned back, but that smile slowly faded as she looked at his arm. His sleeve had fallen to his elbow, revealing a bruise he’d gotten from his latest lessons with Master Gou . He moved to hide it, but Mum gently took his arm to look at his punishment.

“When did this happen?”

“This morning,” he said while looking away in shame. “I couldn’t figure out the kata I started this week, and Master Gou got angry… I’m sorry.”

“No,” she quickly said while pulling him into a hug. “No, this isn’t your fault, my love. I know you tried your best.”

“It’s not enough.” He knew he had to be better, Father always said he had potential. Maybe he just wasn’t working hard enough.

She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head. “It is, you are and will always be enough, they’re just too dumb to realise it.”

He leaned into her for what felt like a long and yet way too short time. Soon, she moved to get some cream for his bruise and gently applied it on his discoloured skin. Then, she tucked him into bed, with the only sound surrounding them being the down pour outside his windows.

“Mum?”

“Yes love?”

“Can you stay here tonight?”

She looked like she wanted to stay, but she shook her head. “You’re a big boy, Zuko, you can sleep alone. Why, are you scared there will be thunder?”

“I’m not scared of thunder!”

“Then you’ll be fine tonight. I’ll check on your bruise tomorrow, and during your break we can even go to the stables and look at the komodo-rhinos.”

“Promise?” He hadn’t had the time to go to the stables in ages.

She nodded. “Promise.” Zuko smiled as she bent down to kiss his forehead. “Goodnight, Zuko. I love you so much.”)

Agni, what an amazing liar she’d been. After she stopped loving him, he would wonder if any of this had been real or if she’d stopped loving him before showing it. How many goodnight hugs and smiles had been fake? How many kind words had she told him before turning her back in disgust?

It didn’t matter, he didn’t need her. What did it matter what she’d thought of him? What did he care? She was out of their lives anyway.

“I’ll always be there, Zuko,” her poisonous ghost murmured in his ear. “You’ll never get rid of me.”

“Shut up,” he hissed before realising that he’d said that out loud. Thankfully, no one was…

He looked up to see the waterbender shooting him a confused look as she rummaged through one of the bags. How had he not noticed her? Agni, he needed to be more careful, he couldn’t lower his guard this much.

It was starting to rain.

After shooting him a few more cautious glances, she took out a pot, clearly intent on making food.

“Need any help?”

She almost jumped at his question and stared at him like he’d just talked nonsense. He was pretty sure he hadn’t. He hadn’t, right?

“You? Helping me?” she asked dubiously, as if she hadn’t asked for his help with tasks before.

“You make it sound like I’m crazy,” he grinned slightly at his joke that no one would get. Good thing Azula wasn’t awake, she probably wouldn’t be happy to hear it.

“You just don’t seem like the type of guy who cooks.”

“I mean, I know the basics. And who doesn’t like slicing through things?”

She grimaced a little at that before thinking about it, then nodding. “Fine, but you better not add anything weird.”

“I’m all out of cordyceps, sorry.”

She stopped herself mid-snort, looking annoyed at herself for having ever found this funny. Funny… huh… He didn’t think the waterbender could see him as anything other than an annoyance or a threat. He didn’t know how to feel about that.

After telling him what to do, they settled into an awkward quiet that he didn’t care for. In the middle of them cutting vegetables to make a soup to last them the day, Azula woke up looking like she had eaten a lemon.

“Good morning,” said the waterbender. “You sleep well?”

“That was the weirdest fucking dream I’ve ever had…”

“What was it about?”

“That’s the worst part, I can’t even remember it. I can just feel it was weird.” She stopped to stare at them still cutting through cabbage. “You should be careful, Zuzu once tried to help cut an apple and almost sliced his finger off.”

Zuko mock-gasped. “You said you’d never mention it again! I feel extremely betrayed.” Azula snickered at that, and the waterbender seemed to as well although she was clearly trying to hide it. He leaned over to her and stage-whispered, “Although, I’ll have you know that she once tried to make a cherry-plum tart and almost choked on it because she’d forgotten to take the stones out.”

Azula frowned at him as the waterbender slapped her hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing. Zuko smirked at her glare, which hardened considerably. Now this was a much better way to start the morning.

She started her stretches as Zuko started the fire needed to cook the soup, glad that it could still be useful. As time went on, the rain got considerably heavier, and so did the sounds of mud splatter in the distance. The Avatar and his teacher must be having a wonderful time.

“Is that Toph and Aang?” Azula asked.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re trying to get as dirty as possible,” Zuko told her as he and the waterbender dropped their various vegetables in the pot.

She hummed a little while looking outside.

“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind you joining them,” said the waterbender.

“And get dirty? No thank you, I’d rather stay here doing nothing.” Zuko hummed with a nod, knowing fully well that this wouldn’t last long. Barely a minute later, she got up and walked outside. “I should still check that they’re not getting sucked up by the mud. See you later.”

The waterbender snorted as Azula disappeared in the rain with a cape around her. “Sure, how believable,” she mumbled.

Zuko couldn’t help but smile at that, but quickly dropped it as they both shot glances at each other. He just went back to cutting bits of meat while she took care of the soup.

“**** *ere you singing earlier?”

“Oh, you heard that?”

“Just a little”

He couldn’t help but feel embarrassed about that. “Just some lullaby our mother used to sing.”

“Oh…”

The rainfall got louder, a sharp contrast to their silence. At that thought, he realised that there were no voices currently whispering to him, and enjoyed that fact a little more. Although it was a wonder as to how Suki and her maybe-boyfriend were still sleeping. Showoffs.

“Ca* * **k *** **m*th**g?”

He turned to face the waterbender who was standing on his left side, making sure that she had actually said something. “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

“Uh, yeah… Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

She cleared he throat. “So, it’s just… Azula mentioned your mum at some point, and I was just wondering if… well, she was pretty vague about it actually, and I might have misunderstood…”

He blinked, feeling like he’d only understood half of her words. “Wait, what are you asking me?”

“So, when you imprisoned us under Ba Sing Se,” she started with a pointed look which he stayed neutral towards, “we talked a little. Things got a bit heated and at some point I mentioned… well, that my mum had been killed by the Fire Nation.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. And she seemed to say that the same thing had happened to her mum, but it was also very vague, so I was just wondering what that was about.”

He hummed. “And why don’t you ask her?”

“Talking about her family seems like a bit of a sore subject. She acts like she doesn’t care, but… well, it’s clearly a sore subject.”

“But not for me?” Her eyes widened before she looked down at the soup. “I’m kidding, don’t worry. Honestly, I have no clue if Ursa is dead or not. She disappeared, and there’s a high chance that she could be dead, but it’s not for certain.”

“Oh… that must be hard.” He shrugged. “I mean, not knowing.”

“I guess it’s hard for her, yes.”

“But not for you?”

“Me and Ursa had a… complicated relationship.”

“I… figured,” she said as tactfully as one could. Not that he really cared.

They stayed silent a little bit before he broke it. “You said your mum died to the Fire Nation. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?”

The soup she’d been stirring with her bending stilled more at his question, and he waited calmly for her response. As much as he didn’t care being reminded of Ursa’s disappearance, he knew that this kind of things could be a heavy subject. Honestly, he had no idea why he had even asked. It wasn’t something he should be privy to considering his and the waterbender’s relationship. And yet, a part of him still wanted to know.

“I’ll tell you if you tell me what happened to yours.” He nodded, and she turned back to the soup to collect her thoughts. “I mean, it’s pretty much the same story you hear from people who have lost someone. There was a raid, and they killed her. I was… eight, I think? Honestly, the longer it gets, the harder it is to fully remember. It feels like it was both yesterday and a lifetime ago. It was snowing, like it usually did, and then the snow turned black. Me and Sokka, we’d never seen it before, but we’d been told about it. We knew what what it meant.”

“The Southern Raiders.” From the timeline and what he knew, it could only be them. Their last South Pole raid.

“That’s what they’re called? Guess the name is fitting… It was before all the men of the village left, so they got ready to attack. I don’t really know what happened that day except that when I ran to our house to find Mum, a soldier was already there.” She inhaled. “I still remember his face, the way the decoration around his helmet framed it. I haven’t seen a helmet like that since. She asked for him to let me go in exchange for information and told me to go find Dad. I was terrified, but I did it. I… Sometimes, I wish I hadn’t. When we came back, the raiders had already left, and she was dead.” They stayed silent as she slowly composed herself, all the while Zuko tried to figure out the missing parts of her story. As much as he knew that the actions his nation had taken in the war were wrong and brutal and horrible, it was something else to actually hear it, not unlike Sensu talking about his capture. Maybe that was why he had asked, to give himself another reason to not come back to his father’s side. A selfish want that had brought back painful memories to someone else. “I never knew why they did it, what they wanted or what she said, but… I feel like I should’ve done something.”

“You were eight.”

She chuckled bitterly and nodded. “I know, but I still think it sometimes.”

“Do you… Do you ever want to find out why this happened?”

Her hand slowly moved to touch the necklace she was wearing. “I don’t know, I guess it could help. But what if it makes it worse?”

“Yeah…” He couldn’t exactly say anything to that.

She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. “Anyway, your turn,” she said with a bit more energy.

He placed the knife down as he finished cutting the last slice and sighed. “It’s not that interesting of a story, really. When I was around ten, our cousin died during the siege of Ba Sing Se-”

“Your cousin? Was he Iroh’s son?”

He swallowed down the slight irritation he had at hearing the man’s name and nodded. “Yes. Anyway, when that happened, Iroh, who was the first-born and thus Crown Prince at the time, had no more heir and little chance to get another one because of the fact that his wife was also dead and he didn’t want to remarry.”

“Oh…”

“Because of that, our father decided that he should use this as an opportunity to make a grab for the throne, arguing that he had two perfectly alive heirs and hadn’t disappeared like Iroh had. Oh, by the way, Iroh took a while to come back and abandoned the siege because of his grief or whatever.”

“That’s… horrible.”

“Not all that shocking when you know him, but our grand-father seemed to think the same thing as you. As punishment, he would… he would have to sacrifice his own children.”

The waterbender’s face became even more horrified at that. “And he was going to do that?”

“I’m pretty sure he was. At least, that’s what I thought at the time, I ran off before I could hear anything else. Eventually, I found our mother and told her what I had heard. She told me she would take care of it, and… well, the next day, she was gone, and we were still alive. Two days later, our grand-father died, which is probably not a coincidence.”

“She… What did she do?”

He shrugged. “Don’t know, but we’ve all got our theories. Mine and Azula’s is that she killed Grand-father, or at least planned his killing and told Ozai so that he wouldn’t kill us. Not that we could ask him, he didn’t want us to talk about her anymore.” He had asked once, only once, and Father had been very clear that he didn’t want to be asked again, thankfully without any physical lessons.

She let out a long exhale. “I can see why this is a sore subject.”

“Yeah, Azula didn’t take it very well. But hey, we grow, and things get better.” And other things get worse.

“But what about you?”

He frowned in confusion. “What about me?”

“She was your mum too, weren’t you also sad?”

He cringed as he tried to find a tactful way of replying. “Ursa didn’t like me much by that point. The only reason I felt her absence was because of Azula.”

Sure, he had felt a bit of a gap in the palace, a hole that still seemed to linger to this day, but… well, what difference was there to before where they would barely interact? Her leaving their life all together had felt a bit like a natural conclusion. But then again, he had stopped feeling all too grounded by that point, understanding what he felt less and less. Muted, and thus good in his father’s eyes. And all Zuko had ever wanted was to be good in his eyes.

“You know, the more I learn about you, the sadder things get.”

He scoffed. “Oh come on, it’s not that bad.”

“It is.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it is.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it is.”

“No it’s-”

“Can you two cut it out?”

They both turned to her brother, who was still lying on his sleeping mat while squinting at them.

“Oh look,” the waterbender chuckled while turning to Zuko. “He finally awakens.”

“Hard to stay asleep with you two yapping.”

“That’s hypocritical coming from you.”

“How long have you been awake?” Zuko asked casually, not liking the fact that he could know more about Zuko than what he’d want.

“Enough to hear you talk about a strained relationship before yapping back and forth.”

He hummed before turning back to the waterbender. “You’re right, he is quite the hypocrite.” She snorted with a nod, and her brother quickly sat up, now looking far more awake.

“Don’t tell me you two are friends now.”

She scrunched her nose at that. “Don’t say that, we’re just stating the obvious! Plus, didn’t you say we should be more civil?”

“Nothing’s more civil than sharing a cooking space,” Zuko added while wincing at lightning flashing in the sky.

“Exactly! See, Sokka? I do listen.”

Before he could reply, the lightning’s thunder crashed in the sky, which in turn made Suki spring to life.

“I’m getting it!” she yelled before freezing and looking at them. Her shoulders then loosened as she took in her surroundings with a confused expression. “It was just a dream?” She sighed in relief while putting her head on her knees. “Thank the spirits, it was just a dream!” The waterbender’s brother patted her back in response.

Zuko blinked before turning to the waterbender. “Should we ask?”

“Probably not.”

“Oh, you guys are cooking?” Suki asked as if nothing had happened.

“We even talked without getting angry at each other,” Zuko smiled.

“A true miracle,” she said proudly, ignoring the unimpressed look the waterbender was giving the both of them. “Man, what a lovely day.”

“You know, you’re right,” the waterbender nodded. “I should do a lesson before Aang gets completely covered in mud.”

“You should get going then,” Zuko advised. “They’ve been going at it since before it actually started raining.” She frowned while eyeing the soup, and Zuko couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “I won’t let it boil over, don’t worry.”

After a few more seconds of her unnecessary doubt, she nodded and left to join the others outside. Zuko did not envy her.

Her brother soon sighed at the sound of Appa’s plaintive rumbles and rolled on the ground to get up. “Yeah yeah, buddy, I know you’re hungry…” he muttered while taking out a few cabbages and throwing them into the impatient bison’s mouth. “Can relate,” he added while shooting a look at Zuko, who stared back, unimpressed.

“You just woke up.”

“An even better reason!” He turned back to Appa who made a more disgruntled sound as he rolled to the side. “Still feeling off?” he asked while patting his side.

Zuko turned to Suki as he sensed her stepping closer to him. “So, what’s for breakfast? Lunch?”

“Lunch,” he nodded. “You guys were out like rocks.”

She chuckled. “Hasn’t happened in a while… Is it veg soup?”

“Yes, as for the meat, I don’t really know what the waterbender is planning but I didn’t see a reason to argue.”

Suki snorted. “I know you know Katara’s name. Why don’t you use it?” He shrugged and stirred the soup a little. “You do the same thing with Aang. What’s that all about?”

“Nothing.”

“There’s gotta be a reason,” she said a little playfully. “Come on, tell me!”

“It’s nothing, I just… I don’t know, I just do it. What does it matter?”

“It just feels really impersonal?”

“Then that’s probably why I’m doing it, who am I to know why I do things?”

“Uh, ‘cause you’re the one who’s doing it? No one’s in your head but you.” Him and a dozen voices or so. “Why do you want things to be impersonal? I mean, I kinda get it with Katara, but why Aang? I thought you guys got along?”

Again, he shrugged and ignored the feeling of something crawling on his back. “Once all of this is over, they won’t have a reason to talk to me, so why should I make things personal?” But then again, he’d started doing that with Suki, even though she would also have no reason to talk to him once all of this was done. He’d miss the banter, he supposed.

Her face saddened a little, which wasn’t what he had intended. Was the waterbender right in saying that knowing more about him made things sadder? Then again, maybe she would also miss talking to him? Who was he kidding, of course she wouldn’t. At best, he was a suitable distraction to her.

(“Are we good?” he asked, hoping that he hadn’t ruined anything, that whatever positive rapport he’d managed to build with her wasn’t gone after she’d learnt what he’d done. He’d used her trust against her friends, it would make sense for her to hate him.

“No, I hate you,” her voice said, but her mouth didn’t move. The way she echoed his thoughts pushed him to hope that this was just another hallucination, and so he waited for her actual answer.

“Yeah,” she nodded, her mouth moving into a smile as it formed her words. “We’re good.”

Oh… so she didn’t hate him as much as he thought. Against his own will, his mind couldn’t help but wonder if this was what making a friend who knew who you were from the start was like.

“Good,” he repeated. Funnily enough, at this exact moment, that was how he felt.)

It had been a moment of weakness to imagine that. And even if they were somehow becoming friends, friendship wasn’t something Zuko was good at maintaining. Azula was his friend, but that only started because they were siblings and forced to grow up together, and even so he wasn’t a very good friend to her. With Mai and Ty Lee, he had sometimes kidded himself into imagining that they were friends, that they liked him for him, but he knew that they’d only stuck around because he was Azula’s brother. During her banishment, they’d only come to him because he was a subpar replacement for her. He’d never really minded, always being happy with whatever affection people would give him, but then… then Sensu broke a wall that wasn’t meant to be broken and… and was that wall always there? Had he just forced himself into thinking that he was fine with what little affection he got? How many times had he stomped down the urge to go visit Mai or Ty Lee at their houses for no reason other than to just see them? How many times had he acted annoyed as Isamu and Yōko dragged him in a market while hiding his face under a hood only to wish that their errands could continue as they approached the palace’s gates? How many times had he watched his staff from afar and felt the urge to join them into whatever dumb conversations they were having, fully shedding his title to just be? How many times had he walked through the palace, through its gardens, its halls, and feeling emptier than they could ever be?

He wondered if he would miss the noise of the Avatar’s group, the bickering and yelling and laughing. A cold feeling passed though him as he decided it wouldn’t matter. What he wanted never mattered.

“Of course it matters,” said Azula, but she wasn’t there. Damn it, the voices were back. Oh well, it wasn’t the worse thing they could say. It was actually kind of nice.

In the time his thoughts had taken to run, Suki had already left to join her maybe-boyfriend to talk about Appa. The rain outside was now considerably lighter, and the bison seemed to want to go outside to the others’ frustration as they argued about having to clean him afterwards. Zuko’s eyes lingered on them a little as he reached for the plate of meat, feeling something tug at his chest. He didn’t quite look at the plate as he grabbed it to move it, and… Oh… somehow, he could still forget that he had little feeling in his hands. He hadn’t grabbed the plate correctly.

The meat was on the ground.

He stared at it, at the food now wasted, covered in dirt on its underside. The plate had also broken, unusable, shattered. It was ruined. Everything was ruined. He had one job and he failed. He ruined everything. He kept making everything worse.

In the background, he could hear voices, a half-annoyed half-playful exclamation and a more frustrated one. They knew about his failure. All he was was a failure.

“-’t believe you dropped this, I mean come on!”

“Guess there won’t be any meat for lunch.”

“No meat? I’ll never survive!”

They were getting closer, a better angle to see his mess, his shortcomings. He knelt down to pick it up. He couldn’t even help with this one fucking task. How could he ever help with anything else? He ruined everything! Everything! This was why he was such a bad brother, such a bad son, why he should stay far away from anyone and never see them again, he would never amount to anything! All he did was destroy and kill, just like he had killed all those people, just like he had ruined countless lives. No wonder Mother had left, she’d seen past him and witnessed what horrible things he could do. In the animals he had killed, she could see everything else he would ruin.

The meat in his hands felt just like them, those poor creatures he had been told to kill. He could have said no if he wasn’t such a coward, he could have fought back. But that was all his was, a cowardly monster. This was why half of his face was gone, to remind him of his cowardice and show it plainly to the world.

“-?”

He could feel them right next to him now. He made everything worse.

“*ey, ****o***?”

The walls were closing in on him. Weren’t they bigger than this?

“**ko? *****alright, it’s ***t some-”

He got up. He had to leave.

“Zuko?”

He left.

---

“Aww, it’s already over?”

Katara snorted at Toph’s disappointment. “I think you’ve had enough rain for an entire week.” Man she was feeling much better after this weird sparring session. Was it really a sparring session when they were barely using any forms?

“True,” Azula hummed, already trying to wipe off the mud on her. “And frankly we’ve been staying far too long out here.”

“If you feel that way, why didn’t you just leave, Sizzles?” Toph grinned as they started walking back to camp.

Azula frowned and crossed her arms, clearly trying to find a good excuse. “I just… wanted to keep an eye on you all. You’re not exactly the type of people who don’t get in trouble.”

“Riiight,” Aang chuckled. “Just admit it, you were having too much fun trying to dodge our mud.”

She scoffed. “I was not. The only thing I feel is gross.”

“Oof, she’s even prissier than you were!” said Toph as she elbowed Katara in the arm.

“I wasn’t prissy! Just concerned about hygiene,” Katara explained while bending the mud off of her. “Still am.”

Azula thanked her as she bent the mud off of her as well while Aang did the same to himself, with only Toph staying covered in mud. Katara still didn’t quite like the idea of her walking around this dirty, but by that point she’d grown used to it. She still scrunched her nose at that, not that Toph noticed.

“Anyway, food should be ready by now, we just need to cook the meat and…” She stopped talking as they arrived to the camp, where Sokka and Suki were standing there whispering frantically. “What’s wrong?”

Both of the froze before turning to her. She couldn’t help but notice that Zuko was gone. Her good mood was now going back down again.

“Uh…” Suki started. “I don’t really know?”

“What I do know is that the meat is covered in dirt,” Sokka added, trying to say it lightly while clearly being uncomfortable.

Katara frowned. “Where’s Zuko? He said he’d look after the food.” Seriously, couldn’t he be trusted with at least that?

Suki bit her lip wile looking elsewhere. “He, uh… walked off?”

“Walked off?” Azula asked, sounding serious.

“Yeah, he drooped the plate with the meat, then picked it all up, and…”

She turned to look at Sokka, who kept going for her. “He wouldn’t really respond? I don’t know, he looked a bit out of it, wouldn’t reply when we talked to him. Then he just walked away. He didn’t run or anything, he just… left,” he finished by pointing in the direction Zuko supposedly left. “I would have followed him, but… I don’t know, maybe he needs some space?”

“Okay,” said Azula, who had looked more and more worried with each word she’d heard. “I, uh… I’m gonna go find him. Start eating without us, it’s fine.”

She practically ran away from them and into the woods, leaving them all to wonder what that was about.

“So… that was weird, right?”

Katara sighed at Sokka’s question. “I mean, she’s always a bit weird about Zuko, and he’s definitely weird.”

“I don’t know, something’s off with him, and she definitely knows about it,” Suki said. “It’s almost like…” She frowned, cutting herself off.

“Like what?” Aang asked.

“Well… back at the air temple, there was also a moment where he acted… weird. It’s when we went to explore with The Duke, there was a moment where Zuko stopped responding, almost like he couldn’t hear us. He kept looking at nothing, and then ran off. The Duke found him before me, and he seemed normal, and then when I asked him about it he kept saying that he was just scared of spider-flies. And you know, anyone can be scared of anything, but that didn’t sound right.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Sokka asked.

She shrugged. “He didn’t want me to and no harm had been done? Plus we had already agreed he was a bit weird. But I don’t know, now that I look back on it… maybe it’s more than just being weird and raised by the Fire Lord.”

“Maybe we should also add the whole ‘Azula burned his face’ thing?” Sokka added.

Aang’s eyes widened, and so did Toph’s. “Wait, what?”

“Oh right, you weren’t there! The day we got here, Zuko turned up with this really nasty burn on his face at some point and Azula took the blame for it.”

Katara nodded, glad that they were bringing back the subject. “Yeah, that didn’t sound anything like her. I mean sure, they roughhouse a bunch, but they’ve never used fire! And the burn looked very distinct, those were clearly fingers, but to get that clear a mark you need to really press it in. It’s not a wound that happens on accident.”

“What are you saying?” Aang asked, looking a little sick.

“I… I think he burned himself. And not… not quickly.”

They all stood there in an uneasy silence. It sounded like an insane accusation, because why would Zuko ever burn himself in the first place? But it was also the only logical explanation she could come up with.

Toph cleared her throat. “So… I’m just putting it out there, and don’t ask me for an explanation because you won’t get one, but… I don’t think Zuko’s doing that well.”

“Why? What did you-” Katara grunted as a piece of gravel was launched to her head enough to stop her from talking.

“I said don’t ask! I just… I’m a credible source on my own, and you don’t need to know why.”

“Toph, this could be serious,” Sokka told her.

“I know, but I also promised I wouldn’t say anything, and unlike your girlfriend I won’t.” Suki bristled at that.

“Don’t say that, we’re all worried right now!” Sokka exclaimed. “I mean, Azula acts as if everything’s fine but it’s clearly not, and you know something so spill it!”

“What are you, my dad? I’m not saying anything unless things get bad, and right now they haven’t. I’d like to remind you that Zuko hasn’t hurt anyone here since he joined us, and that you need to stop being so paranoid!”

“This isn’t about being paranoid,” Katara exclaimed. “This is about the fact that we don’t know what’s happening! If Zuko’s not well, we need to know why.”

Toph crossed her arms. “Well why don’t you ask him instead?”

“He’s made it clear he won’t say anything,” said Suki.

“He has to me. Well, a little… But if you’re so worried about that, just ask Azula.”

“Who also lied to us?” said Katara.

“It can’t hurt to try,” said Aang. “Zuko could get flighty if we ask since it’s about him, but Azula will understand. I mean, we’re worried about him, so she has to be as well.”

“Then we’ll just have to wait until they come back.”

“Let’s not jump them though,” added Suki. “We should just act normal, then ask Azula once she’s alone.”

“And I’ll distract him while you do that,” Toph finished.

They all agreed and moved back inside the dome covering their camp. As Katara started serving up food, she thought back to this morning where Zuko had also seemed a little odd before helping her with cooking. There was a disorientated look in his eyes, and while she had just chalked it to him not realising that she’d been up to hear him talk to himself and then being embarrassed about it, she couldn’t help but add it to the list of things that could be worrying about him.

All they could do now was wait.

---

“Just breathe.”

“I… I’m trying…”

“I know, and you’re doing great-”

“Don’t patronise me!”

Azula froze under his grip, moving away just a bit, but enough for him to know that she wanted to leave, that she was leave, leaving him-

“No wait, don’t… don’t go,” he pleaded, gripping more of her and trying to make her stay. “I’m sorry, I didn’t…” Damn it, he couldn’t get a full sentence out with how fast his heart was going. “I-I didn’t mean to shout… I swear, I’m not… I’m not angry, please don’t…” Fuck, he couldn’t breathe.

Thankfully, Azula stayed out of obligation. “I’m not leaving, I promise. Just keep breathing with me, you’re getting there.”

He tried, he really did. But it was hard to focus when all he could think about was his last monumental failure. He couldn’t do one thing right, could he?

“You know, it’s not the first time someone broke a plate in this group.”

He shook his head, still trying to breathe. He was supposed to be perfect, everything he did wrong just proved that he wasn’t and that he shouldn’t exist. Maybe going back to Father would stop that and… Oh Agni, what was he thinking?

“I can’t go back… I’ve ruined everything, I can’t-”

“It was a mistake, nothing more.”

“I’m not supposed to do mistakes, let alone this kind!” He buried his face in her shoulder, ashamed to even be perceived. Eyes were looking at him from the trees, unblinking, always judging. “It’s my fire,” he explained to them, hoping that they would understand that this wasn’t fully his fault. “Everything started going wrong when I lost it…” But their stares made it clear that it didn’t matter, that it was fully his fault. All he could do was agree. “I’m nothing without it, I just make things worse I-”

Azula moved and held his face in front of hers. He caught a slight glimpse of her face before looking to the side, not wanting to see the disgust in her eyes. She also knew that it was his fault.

“Zuko, that’s not true. Look at me.”

He just lowered his gaze, feeling his face burn from how humiliating this all was. He was a coward, a fucking weakling. He was nothing without his fire, without his father, and now he knew exactly what that meant. All he was meant to be was a dog, and straying from that path only made things worse.

“Zuzu…” His breath hitched at the nickname. He didn’t deserve any terms of endearment from her. “Zuzu, it’s okay. Everyone does mistakes. I’ve broken so many teapots that I’m fueling the pottery repair industry.”

He shook his head. “You don’t get it, I don’t make mistakes, I can’t make mistakes. If I do he’ll…” Oh Spirits, he could already feel his skin burning as Father’s shadow stood behind him.

“Zuzu, Ozai isn’t here. He can’t hurt you.”

“He will… He always knows, he always finds out! I’m gonna get punished again I don’t want to be punished again I don’t…” Damn it, he couldn’t talk again. His throat felt so sore.

“He won’t punish you, I won’t let him.” The confidence in her voice… he almost believed it. But it was just a fantasy. Sooner or later he would get burned like he was meant to be. Still, he looked up at her, and there was no disgust there, only care and determination. Agni, he didn’t deserve her. “There,” she smiled. “You’re breathing more.”

He was, but he could still feel his heart climbing up his throat. The warmth coming from her hands felt good, though. It grounded him in a way that made his thoughts calm down. But he could tell that one of her hands was placed lower on his face, avoiding a part of it that he was constantly aware of. She never touched it, not once, as if it was cursed, as if… as if the scar would somehow spread to her.

“Can you touch it?”

“Touch what?”

“The… my scar,” he said in a small voice while looking away, feeling more and more shame creep up on him. If only those eyes could stop judging him. “I just… I know it’s ugly and brings back bad memories and-”

He stopped talking as he felt her fingers touch it, carefully settling into position before applying the pressure needed to hold his face. Oh Spirits, she was holding him. Despite all of his mistakes, all of his flaws, every single bad thing he’d done to her, she was holding him.

“It’s not ugly,” Azula whispered as he leaned into her touch. It was better than Father’s could ever hope to be. “And you don’t ruin things.”

But the eyes said otherwise. Whose eyes were they? The ghosts’ eyes? Spirits’? Agni’s themself? “I make everything worse-”

“You don’t. You’re the best brother I could ever ask for-”

“You’re standards are too low-”

“-and I won’t let anyone hurt you. But I don’t have to worry about that right now, because Ozai isn’t here, and the others won’t be mad. I promise.”

Her words were kind, but he still shook his head. “Promises like that are impossible to keep.”

“Well… the intent is there, isn’t it?” she asks awkwardly.

Zuko chuckled at that. “Yeah, I guess it is…” His eyes wondered to the side then down, taking in their surroundings and the position they were both in. They were sitting in the woods, alone. Damn it, he’d done it again. “I’m sorry.”

Her brows creased at that as her hands lowered to hold his. He noticed how red her eyes were, filled with unshed tears. “For what?”

He waved his hand a little, vaguely motioning to their surrounding, them sitting, the still-present distress on her face. “For this… for…” He sighed. “I keep making you cry.”

“Zuko, you’re hurting. It’s kinda hard not to…”

“I don’t… I don’t want to burden you with my… everything. You shouldn’t have to deal with that. If I wasn’t here, you’d be happier-”

“No, I wouldn’t be,” she said sternly while holding his hands tightly, the ones that could barely feel her touch because of how broken he was. The ones that had killed so many. “And you’re not a burden, you’re just unwell.”

“Just say insane, it’s faster.”

“I don’t care what you call it, you’re my brother. I’m not leaving you.”

“You’ve already said that.” And yet it never really set in his head.

“And I’ll say it as many times as I have to, my whole life even!” She sighed and pushed back some of his hair from his face, touching his scar in the process. It felt nice, even if the action reminded him that his hair looked like shit. Just another way to see how broken we truly was. “No one’s really cared for you when we were kids, not after mum… well, you know… I just… You’ve always taken care of me, protected me and all that… You’ve always had my back, and no one really had yours. But I’ve got your back now, no matter what. No matter how many times you need to lie down, to cry, no matter how many times your forget that I love you, no matter how many times you go through your episodes, I’ll be there.” He was pretty sure that she squeezed his hand. “I’ll take care of you, just like you take care of me.”

Zuko nodded, willing himself to believe her words despite the constant doubt burning his mind. She hadn’t given up on him yet, even if he was a pathetic waste of space, so… she had to mean it. But he still felt so ashamed to be in this position, to be broken, to constantly spiral and lose himself. It was terrifying, and he didn’t want Azula to feel that by proxy. He wanted her to be happy. He was only dragging her down with his descent into madness.

“You shouldn’t have to.”

“Yeah, well… sucks to be you, I guess, because I’m still going to.”

They said nothing for a few seconds before Azula hugged him tightly, her arms so warm as they enveloped him. He sighed, leaning into the embrace as he held her back. It felt good.

“I don’t deserve you.”

She shifted a little in his arms. “Well… I’m still here, so deal with it.”

Zuko smiled at that. He felt honoured to have to deal with it.

---

Azula couldn’t deny that dealing with Zuko’s episodes was getting exhausting. It was a constant game of walking on eggshells with every word she said and action she took, not unlike her life back at the palace. Except that here, instead of a mistake bringing punishment, it would make Zuko break down further.

And the thing was, she could deal with it if it was just that, but it wasn’t. Zuko could tell that it was wearing her down as well, which only made him feel worse, which made her feel worse, which was a great cycle to be in. As tiring as dealing with his episodes were, at least she could start to see a pattern. She just had to reassure him again and again until he finally believed her and calmed down. At least this last one hadn’t involved any hallucinations. Those episodes were probably the ones she was scared of the most since she just didn’t know what to do about them. She’d only really seen one, at least one that she was aware of. The one where Zuko had burnt himself. She had felt so fucking useless at that point. She hated being useless, especially when it made her brother feel worse.

But things were fine right now. Zuko’s eyes were focused as they walked, and his breathing was far more levelled. She still decided to hold his hand until they got back to camp, to keep an eye on him while also making sure that he knew that she was there.

He kept looking at the trees like he was searching for something. It was getting distracting.

“What’s wrong?”

“I… It’s nothing.”

“Zuzu, you need to tell me what’s wrong so I can help.”

“I just… I feel like something’s watching us.”

She looked around at their surroundings and up in the trees, but saw nothing. “No one’s there.”

“I know no one’s there, but… it still feels like it.”

Azuly simply nodded, sensing that he was getting irritated. Their soles crunches on the forest floor, constantly distracting him as they walked. It hurt to see him this on edge. It made her feel on edge as well.

Soon, they arrived at camp, where the others had taken down the protective dome of earth and now all seemed to be trying to act distinctly natural. From the fact that Zuko was tensing even further, she could tell that just like her, he wasn’t buying it. What had they done while she was gone? What had they said?

“Hey guys, we kept some food for the two of you,” Katara said a little too cheerfully while picking up their bowls.

“Sorry, I’m not hungry,” Zuko said. “And sorry about earlier, I didn’t mean to ruin your food.”

Thankfully, her cheery act quickly lessened. “Oh, uh… that’s fine.”

“If he won’t eat it, I will,” Sokka said while taking the extra bowl.

Azula took hers and smiled gratefully before following Zuko to sit down. As she ate, he brought out the swords she gave him and stared at them pensively, his fingers gently grazing the blades. She kept her eyes on his hands, worried that he might cut himself while wondering what he was thinking. She wanted to ask, but she also didn’t want to raise any suspicions from the others. If they did get suspicious and Zuko found out, she didn’t want him to start unraveling again. Agni, this whole balancing act was so stressful, she didn’t know how he did it.

Speaking of balancing acts, her mind started to wonder to Ty Lee and Mai as Zuko started working on repairing the blades. How were they? What were they doing right now? Were they safe? She really hoped that they’d lied and made it seem like they’d only been trying to help Zuko. Otherwise, she didn’t know if they would be luckier to get executed or thrown in jail.

Spirits, before all of this, this type of thought would have made her feel numb. Now, there was this pressure in her throat and… oh fuck, she was not about to cry. She let out a hiccup, begging that no one would hear it or… Zuko placed his hand on hers, and she looked up to see the worry in his eyes. No no no, he couldn’t be worried about her, he already had too much to worry about, she couldn’t add more to the pile.

“What is it?” he whispered.

She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. “Just… thinking about Mai and Ty Lee.”

She didn’t have to elaborate. He just nodded in understanding and tried to wrap his arm around her shoulder before realising that he was cuffed, which led him to wrap both of his arms around her. She would be lying if she said it didn’t help.

“Is everything alright?”

She looked up to see Aang standing nearby looking worried, just like the others also not so subtly looking at them. Azula almost said that it was fine, nothing to worry about, but… well, why would she lie to them at this point? She could trust them with this, right? She wasn’t… She didn’t have to keep it all inside. Zuko had, and the pressure had been too much, so…

“I’m just worried about Mai and Ty Lee. I know you guys don’t like them a lot, but they’re still my friends. Well, I hope we’re still friends…”

“They helped us get out of the Boiling Rock,” Sokka said. “That has to count for something.”

She hummed. “I hope they’re doing okay… Our last few talks weren’t very good.”

“They missed you,” Zuko said while squeezing her shoulder. “Even during your banishment they missed you. It’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know, those letters were pretty bad.”

“Oh yeah, that was a really bad idea.”

“I know…”

“What were they like?” Toph asked as she sat next to Zuko.

“Something along the lines of ‘Hey, I’m leaving. Would’ve liked to say it in person, but you might get your head chopped off for treason. The war is wrong, and I’m joining our enemies. Don’t die. Bye!’”

Toph laughed. “Wow, that is bad!”

Katara also laughed. “Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me.”

Azula groaned while hiding her face in her hands. “That is not how I wrote them!”

“Close enough,” Zuko said, grin audible. Azula elbowed his side for that which made him cackle. Oh well, at least her humiliation lead to that. It was nice hearing him laugh a little.

“If she ever writes a letter to us, I want you all to read it out to me!” Toph grinned.

Suki laughed. “We’ll make sure you’re the first to hear it.”

Eventually, they all calmed down, and Azula’s face stopped being so red. They all went back to their occupations, with Aang playing around with Momo, Sokka and Suki combing Appa’s fur and Katara and Toph talking about something she couldn’t hear. For her part, Azula was happy simply sitting next to her brother as he worked on his swords, occasionally holding out her palms and trying to form her fire into shapes. She had to admit, while doing so didn’t seem all that useful in fighting or non-fighting instances, it was a little fun. She felt quite proud as she managed to make a pretty good rectangle, and Zuko looked equally proud of her.

It was nice.

Then the rhythmic sounds coming from next to her stopped. She looked up and tried not to react as she saw that Zuko was looking away. Far away. She followed his gaze and only saw trees. He looked like he was seeing something else.

“Hey Sparky!” Toph called out, making both of them jump. “Wanna go for a walk?”

“Uh… why?”

“‘Cause I wanna go for a walk with you, now come on!” she exclaimed while grabbing Zuko’s arm and pulling him. Zuko let her while giving Azula a confused look. She smiled back at him and shrugged. He needed a distraction.

It was only after the two of them left that she realised that this distraction had been planned.

“So Azula,” Sokka said in what was probably supposed to be a smooth voice. “We wanted to talk to you about something.”

She eyed the group as they all stood there, and stood up to meet their level. “What?”

“It’s about Zuko.”

“I swear, if you start spouting nonsense again-”

“It’s not about his being suspicious of him this time,” Katara quickly said. “We just… We’ve noticed some… behaviours of his that are a little… odd.”

Azula kept herself nice and relaxed. “Yeah, he’s always been like that.”

“We’re not talking about a normal type of odd,” Suki rebuked.

“That doesn’t make any-”

“Azula, we’re worried about him,” Aang said bluntly. “He doesn’t look like he’s doing well.”

Oh no, not right now.

Katara nodded. “That time you said you accidentally burned him? I don’t buy it. You wouldn’t do that to him, and it’s way more likely he did it to himself.”

They couldn’t be talking about this right now.

“Sometimes, it’s like he completely zones out from reality,” Suki continued. “I mean, he did it this morning!”

Why couldn’t they just not ask?

“And can we talk about how he talks?” Sokka added. “It’s like he keeps switching between emotions every five seconds!”

She couldn’t tell them, she couldn’t break Zuko’s trust.

“Azula, we know you know,” Aang said gently. “And we know you’re worried about him too.”

She stared at him, at all of them, and shook her head while taking a few steps back. “I don’t…”

“I know it’s hard, but you need to tell us. If we all know what’s happening, maybe we could help.”

Wasn’t that a lovely idea? Help. But they couldn’t help, not when saying anything about this had the potential of pushing Zuko over the edge. A part of her wanted to tell them everything, to share this weight, to hope that they knew a way to help, but… well, when had she asked for help in the last few years? When had it seemed like a good option? She hadn’t asked for it during the eclipse, hadn’t wanted it during her exile, had barely tolerated it during her banishment… Even if she wanted to start now, to ask for help for something she was far too in over her own head to tackle, she just couldn’t. She couldn’t gamble Zuko seeing it as something negative. He had been very clear on his want to keep his condition from the group, and she couldn’t risk breaking his trust. Not after everything.

She took a deep breath and put on her best performance. “Everything’s fine. He’s just really tired from everything that’s happened and hasn’t been sleeping all that well. You’re right, I didn’t burn him back there, he was practicing his firebending and got a bit distracted because of his lack of sleep. I covered for him because he’s very particular with how he wants people to perceive him. There’s nothing more to it, really.”

They all looked at each other a little hesitantly. They weren’t buying it, but it was clear that her act was weakening their resolve a little.

“Azula, are you sure that’s all there is?” Katara asked. “I know you like to keep your cards close to your chest, but we need to know if something’s wrong. I know it sounds a bit weird coming from me of all people, but we are worried about him. We don’t want anything bad to happen.”

She nodded, understanding, and smiled. “He’s fine, don’t worry.”

Aang frowned a little as he heard this and prepared to speak. He never said anything. Just as she noticed the red dart sticking out from his neck, she also noticed the prick of one on her arm. She tried to move it, but felt her body freeze up as she tumbled to the ground.

She couldn’t move.

None of them could.

Chapter Text

“So, what was that all about?”

Toph bit her tongue at the question before shrugging nonchalantly. “What, I can’t hang out with his royal fiery-ness anymore? You think you’re too good for me after we fought to the death in the trenches of shallow rivers?”

She heard him snort. “No, but you were all acting weird, so I’m asking you why.”

She tried to think fast so that he wouldn’t catch on to anything. She obviously couldn’t tell him the full reason for why she’d pulled him away, but she didn’t want to lie to him either. Especially after the talk they’d all had where it was clear that Zuko clearly had something going on with him. Deceiving him didn’t sound like a good option.

“Your heartbeat was getting faster for no reason.” That was true. It had freaked her out the moment she’d noticed. “Thought you might want to be away from those schmucks for a bit to feel better.”

He fell silent for a bit as they kept walking. “Sorry about that.”

“Hey, I told you I didn’t mind! Don’t apologise.” She paused, debating whether of not she should ask what she wanted to ask. “What was it?”

Zuko stopped walking.

She immediately backtracked. “You don’t have to tell me, you know? It’s just… if you want to, I’m all ears.”

Silence rang through his quickening heartbeat. Shit, she’d messed up.

“Nothing important,” he eventually said confidently, despite his heart still going fast. With how it was going, she couldn’t tell if it was because of his freaking out or lying, but she didn’t have to. “But thank you. Going on a walk was a good idea.”

She decided that it was better to let him get away with this one and grinned. “Of course it’s a good idea. That’s why I dragged you out here!”

The silence that followed was more comfortable than before, although as they walked, she noticed his pace was faster than hers. It wasn’t just because he was taller than her, there was also this hurriedness to his steps.

“Got anywhere important to be?”

“What do you mean?”

“You walk fast.”

After a few seconds, he slowed down, his steps now a bit awkward. “I guess I do.”

“If you wanna go back to camp now, you can just say it.”

“No no, I just… I just walk fast. Always have places to be, I guess. I can’t lose my time going on a stroll.”

“Well you’re making me tired.” A half truth. She wasn’t that tired, but it was a bit annoying to keep up with him after a long period of time. “Carry me.”

He stopped. “Excuse me?”

She took a few more casual steps and stopped in front of him with a grin. “You heard me, carry me.”

He let out a sound between a laugh and a scoff. “Why would I ever do that?”

“You owe me.”

“I owe you.”

“Yeah, after all those times you fought us, you owe me.”

“And I’m paying you back in piggy-back rides?”

“Actually, I’m sitting on your shoulders. I wanna know what it feels like to be tall.”

He didn’t reply for a bit, although he was clearly stopping himself from snickering. “You want me to carry you on my shoulders because I fought you.”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“You…” He shook his head. “You’re insane,” he said despite the smile in his voice. Her grin widened as Zuko crouched down with a flourish. “Will my lady grace me with extra weight on my back?”

“Absolutely,” she replied if the poshest and most pompous way imaginable while climbing on his shoulders. “Now go forth, my steed, but do not make haste! We are here to dilly-dally, after all.”

Zuko’s shoulders shook with held back laughter as he took hold of her legs and got up. The moment she got too far from the ground, she instinctively grabbed his face for purchase. This made him stumble backwards before getting his footing.

“Sorry!” she exclaimed. “Did I poke your eye out?”

“You were close… Are you sure you wanna do this? I know you prefer being on the ground.”

“Nah, this can be another trust exercise!”

“I thought we got over that after I didn’t try to drown you.”

“There are multiple levels to trust exercises, young pupil. You are still far from mastering them.”

He hummed. “Alright then.”

With that, he started running, making her feel way too off balance.

“Stop! Stop!” He stopped, and she tried to stop herself from trembling. “Okay, I get your point. Let’s just walk normally, okay?”

“Noted,” he replied smugly. For that, she kicked his chest with her heal.

It still felt weird to not have her feet on the ground as they moved. Sure, she’d already done this by flying on Appa, but Appa was way larger than Zuko, and being in the air on a sky bison somehow felt less scary than sitting on a human that could easily drop you to the ground. Still, she slowly got used to it, still keeping her hands on the top of Zuko’s head to feel like she was more balanced on him. Because of this, she could feel the jagged cuts in his hair, hastily done with something that wasn’t meant to cut hair. She wondered if it looked weird on him. She wondered how dishevelled it made him look.

“You had long hair, right?”

“I did,” he said in a levelled voice.

“Did you need a fresh new cut to go with your fresh new start?”

“It was a… a spur of the moment decision, I suppose.”

“And do you like it?”

He thought about it. “My head feels lighter, it’s almost like there’s nothing there. I guess the lack of pull from keeping my hair up also adds to that. I don’t think I want to keep it that way, though…”

Toph hummed while nodding. She’d thought of cutting her hair at some point when she’d ran off with her friends, severing her ties to her family after they’d shown that they clearly didn’t care about what she wanted to the point of wanting to kidnap her back. But a part of her wanted to keep that connection. They’d still cared about her, even if the way they showed it was misguided at best. She knew that attitudes towards hair in the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom were similar, so she wasn’t too surprised that both Azula and Zuko had cut their hair with a father like theirs.

She shifted her weight a little while trying to take something out of her pocket. “So… can you still wear that?”

He yelped as she shoved what she was pretty sure was his crown piece in front of his face. “Get that away from me! Are you trying to fully blind me or what?”

“Hey, being blind isn’t that bad.”

“I have a history of eye-related injury, so I’d rather not go blind that way. Now why do you even have that?” he snipped while taking the crown from her hand.

“I was just looking for Azula’s comb and landed on it. It almost stabbed me, by the way, I though it was a knife at first!”

“Yeah, well that’s what you get for stealing peoples’ stuff,” he grumbled.

“Are Fire Nation crowns usually this sharp? That can’t be comfortable.”

“They aren’t sharp, I just like having an extra weapon around.”

“Wait, you turned your crown into a knife?”

“Yes.”

She let out a whistle. “Damn Sparky, you sure know how to party.”

“I can’t tell if this is a compliment or not.”

“Oh it’s definitely a compliment. I wanna turn random shit into knives!”

“Canes with knives are a thing. You could always get one of those.”

She gasped, thinking of all the possibilities. “Knife-parasol!”

“Knife-belt.”

“Knife-brush.”

“Knife-fan.”

“Knife-comb.”

“Knife-book.”

“Knife-knife.”

“Knife-knife?”

“A knife inside of a knife! Like that, if the first blade gets damaged, you just take it off and use the second one inside! Or there could a blade on the other end of the knife that flips open!”

“Fucking genius. We need to bring that idea to a smith, we’d make a fortune.”

“Yeah, become even richer and clown on all the single boring knives.”

“I can see it now. ‘Knife-knife, if you’re not sure you got them them first time, stab ‘em twice’!”

“Perfect!” she laughed, accidentally falling backwards and off-setting Zuko’s balance. Thankfully, he managed to catch himself again, holding her legs tightly. “Sorry…”

“No harm no foul,” he chuckled, although she could hear the anxiety in his voice, along with his heart beat quickening again.

“You know, if I actually fall down, I won’t blame you for it to the others. And if they do blame you, I’ll knock their heads off!”

“Heh, thanks…”

He kept carrying her in silence, occasionally looking to the side and up like he was searching for something. He even turned around a few times. As he walked, his heartbeat got faster, with his hands getting sweatier around her legs.

“Hey, not to invade your privacy or anything, but your heartbeat is getting faster again.”

He didn’t reply.

“Zuko?”

Nothing. She didn’t like that, not when he was walking faster and holding her legs tighter.

“Zuko?”

He flinched. “Huh?”

Toph sighed in relief as quietly as possible. “I said your heartbeat is getting faster again. Any reason in particular?”

“I… I think someone’s following us.”

Now, this could just all be in his head, but they were all on the run and fugitives from the Fire Nation, the place they were in, so the possibility of being followed was a reasonable cause for concern.

“Do you want me to get down and check?”

After looking behind him again, he nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure it’s nothing, but…”

“Doesn’t hurt to check,” she filled out as he crouched to let her back to the ground. Once her feet touched the sweet, sweet grass and dirt, she focused on their surroundings, only feeling the two humans that were supposed to be there. “I don’t-”

Foot.

It was quick, very quick. For a moment, she thought it might have been a bird landing on the ground before flying off again, but the shape had been wrong. It had been too quick to leave the ground for her to fully see it, but the shape and weight had definitely been a foot wearing a shoe.

Toph immediately got into her stance, now fully focused on her surroundings. “Who’s there?” she shouted, noting how Zuko had shifted his weight enough to be ready for a fight while not looking like it.

No one replied, but she made sure to keep her ears sharp, knowing that whoever had followed them was in the trees. She didn’t know how many people were there, if they had weapons, bending or both, so she had to be careful. Sure, Zuko could help her, but being cuffed wouldn’t help him much in a fight. Damn it, she should’ve nicked the keys from Sokka’s pocket before they’d left.

“Do you see anyone?” she asked.

“No, the canopy’s too dense.”

“Shit.”

Just as she said this, she heard a whistling sound, like and arrow flying through the air. She barely had a second to hear it before bending a wall in front of them, shielding the both of them from whatever had been shot out. As it bounced off the wall and to the ground, Toph recognised it as some sort of dart. Darts usually had some kind of poison in them. She heard a slight shift on a branch above them and shielded them with a pyramid of rock to cover their sides and heads. One more dart was shot before it all stopped. The nothingness was deafening. After waiting, it was clear that nothing would change until she made the next move. With a sharp movement, Toph bent their protective case outwards, turning it into projectiles to hopefully hit their assailant. She heard a grunt and internally cheered, but quickly realised that this had covered the whistling sound of-

“Agh!”

“Toph!”

The effects of the poison were immediate. Her left arm was the first to go limp as it was where she’d just been shot, but the rest of her body quickly followed suit. Thankfully, she could still feel the ground around her, but that wasn’t going to help if she couldn’t fucking move.

Zuko ran up to her and took the dart out, but it was too late already. She tried moving, but it was useless. She was paralysed. Remembering a story the others had told her about a lady using a weird animal to paralyse them when Azula had still been hunting Aang, she couldn’t help but wonder if this was somehow connected in some way. Probably not. They just had shit luck half the time.

The mysterious person finally landed on the ground. Zuko got up, probably showing that he was ready to fight her, but she instead held her hands up to him.

“I’m not here to fight you, Prince Zuko,” she said quickly before getting on her knees and bowing very low to him. “I’m part of the team designated as Warrior Blockers, we were sent to rescue you.” Warrior Blockers? What kind of stupid name was that?

Zuko shifted his position, appearing more relaxed even though Toph could still tell that he was ready to fight. “Rescue me?”

“Yes, Fire Lord Ozai tasked us with your retrieval after you were last seen in the air temple.”

“Rise.” The woman did so. “You said your team was sent here, where are the rest of them?”

“They’ve gone to take care of the rest of the Avatar’s group. I don’t know if they’ve managed to catch them off-guard, but at the very least we’ll be able to get you out. Hopefully they’ve at least managed to kill one of them.” Toph’s stomach dropped at that.

Zuko hummed and took a few steps towards her. The woman’s heartbeat rose.

“Good job. Do you have anything to take these off?”

“No, but once we’re back to our base we can find a skeleton key and take them off.”

“Alright. Lead the way.”

At that, Toph’s blood went cold. Unlike before, Zuko’s heart wasn’t fast, and his posture had stopped showing any signs of being on edge. His voice was also different, more sure of himself like when he’d been their enemy. Was he… Was he betraying them? She wanted to call out to him as he followed the woman, but the only sounds she could make were strained whines. Shit, he was actually leaving. She tried as much as she could to move even a muscle, to move and arm, to push herself up, but it was no use. All she could do was lay there and watch as Zuko walked closer and closer to the woman and-

Toph heard a series of choked out cries before realising that Zuko was too close to the woman. As her feet left the ground, she realised that Zuko was using his shackles’ chain to choke her. The sound of her trying and failing to get out of his grip as her throat got slowly crushed was terrifying. More terrifying was how steady Zuko’s heartbeat was. There was no hesitation in his actions.

A few seconds after the woman stopped making any noise, a sickening crunch echoed through Toph’s ears. When the woman’s body was dropped to the ground, Toph felt the lack of pulse first and the broken neck second. As she felt Zuko walk back to her, she felt the urge to run away. Not that she could.

“You okay?” he asked, his voice soft as if he hadn’t just killed someone. The hand he placed on her shoulder was comforting, like it had never witnessed a single death.

All Toph could produce was a guttural hum, which seemed to relieved him enough.

“You don’t happen to have the shackle key on you?”

Toph made two separate hums to indicate that no, she didn’t have them, to which he responded with a tired sigh.

“Okay, I’ll just have to…”

A shiver ran down her spine as she heard a pop coming from him, soon realising that he had dislocated his right thumb to take one shackle off.

“The darts are coated in shirshu poison. It lasts around thirty minutes, usually a little less,” he explained while carefully picking Toph up in his arms. “Hopefully the others managed to not get surprised, but these people are known for being good at ambushes.” Toph grunted as he started running, hoping really hard that the others had been careful of their surroundings. “Don’t worry,” he panted, “I’m sure they… Oh no.”

She wanted to ask, but at the same time she was glad she couldn’t. The way he stiffened was not enough and yet too much of an answer.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of this,” he said with a weird, almost detached voice while laying her down to the ground. “I won’t let your friends get hurt.”

With that, he got up and walked towards the camp she couldn’t sense. Part of her was glad she couldn’t. She didn’t want to witness what his help would look like.

---

The leader stood in the middle of the camp, full of bravado while still keeping an eye on his surroundings. A few of his teammates were walking around, looking at what was inside various bags. Zuko’s own teammates were on the ground, even Appa and Momo had been shot, but they were still alive. The sight of his sister lying there, unable to move, unable to defend herself, it-

“Focus, Prince Zuko,” his father’s voice hissed.

Zuko took a deep breath and did so. He couldn’t fail, not at this. His weakness would not hinder him.

He prowled behind the trees just like he prowled behind the throne room’s columns, watching, waiting for Father’s signal to move in and execute again.

“Are you ready?” Father asked, his voice so close to his ear.

A poor sod moved closer to the treeline as their leader told another to find chains to bring the Avatar in. “Take the traitor in as well. As for the others, we’ll just kill them once Hanako comes back with the prince.”

Yes. He was ready.

“Now!”

Zuko grabbed the man as soon as he was in range and held him close while covering his mouth with his hand. Since Zuko was behind him, he couldn’t see the man’s expression, but the tremors he fought as he tried to stay still in Zuko’s grip were easy enough to decipher.

“You make a sound, fight or run, and I burn you,” he whispered in the man’s ear while heating up the hand on his mouth despite the ache pounding through his thumb. It was a wonderful thing, to feel something in his hand. He wouldn’t be able to kill the man outright with his hand like this, but he didn’t know that. And a burn was a burn either way.

The man made the slightest of nods, and Zuko looked out at the scene before him. There were seven people he had to take care of not counting the one he currently had. Complicated, especially with his current restrictions, but not impossible.

No, definitely not.

---

For what felt like the fifteenth-hundredth time, Sokka tried to move his body and failed. It reminded him of the shirshu beast that bounty hunter Azula had worked with had. Only here, Aang had also been hit. He could only hope that Toph and Zuko hadn’t been found yet.

If he looked down hard enough, he could spot Katara lying on her back. One of their attackers stepped closer to her, almost giving Sokka a heart attack as they crouched down. Thankfully, they only took her waterskin before getting back up and moving away. He couldn’t see anyone else.

“Do you think she needs some backup?” someone asked the man who seemed to be their leader. “The earthbender is apparently hard to deal with.”

“If she doesn’t come back within the next few minutes, you and Keita can find her and help if she needs it.”

“That won’t be necessary.”

The whole camp froze as Zuko’s voice rang out, making Sokka sigh in relief. But then, he realised that there was a distinct lack of Toph-sounding mockery which made him worry once more. Looking up, he could see Zuko walking closer with a man in front of him, a flame dagger held very close to his face. It reminded him of when Zuko had appeared in this exact position with King Kuei. Despite the bags under his eyes and bad haircut, he looked just as confident as he did back then.

“I suppose asking you to stand down is futile?” he asked in that disturbing airy tone Sokka hadn’t missed. The smirk was also there, condescending and ready to bite.

“Prince Zuko, we were sent by the Fire Lord to retrieve you. Stand down,” the leader ordered.

He chuckled. “No one is leaving. Not us, nor any of you. All you get to choose is how difficult you’ll make this for me,” he grinned while eyeing their attackers slowly circling him.

Suddenly, he kicked a ring of fire around him before plunging the fire dagger into his hostage’s neck. Before Sokka could see the reaction, Zuko ran from his vision.

---

Fighting multiple people wasn’t hard when you could feel you attackers’ body heat around you. All you had to do was incapacitate some of them long enough to deal with the others. Knowing how to multitask definitely helped.

“To your right!”

“They’re coming behind you!”

“Kick them!”

“Punch them!”

“Kill them!”

The voices didn’t help, offering advice that was sometimes true and sometimes false, but Zuko could mute them, push them away from his focus just for this fight. Only two people seemed to have those darts that other woman used, so he took care of them first, using his now dead hostage’s body to shield himself from their shots as he got closer. While his fire wasn’t strong enough to kill someone at long range, he could still make it showy enough to make it look like a threat. Thanks to that, he only had to worry about the two for a few seconds, getting close enough to shove the body on one so that he had enough time to grab the other’s head and break her neck. As the man behind him pushed the corpse away, he swiftly unsheathed the knife from his boot and stabbed in straight into his throat.

Zuko barely had the time to register the blood spraying his face as he felt someone else run at him from behind. Quickly, he took the knife and threw it at them, managing to hit them straight in the shoulder through an opening in their lightweight armour. He ran towards them to take it back, shooting fire at someone else in the process before grabbing the knife and stabbing it twice in their throat. He then turned to the other person, but was stopped in his movement by someone else grabbing him from behind.

“Focus, damn it!”

---

Katara watched as the man Zuko had stabbed in the throat fell to the ground. He desperately grabbed at his throat as he choked on his own blood, his cries of agony coming out gargled. Even though he was their enemy, something in her begged her to help, to heal him, to stop the noises, to stop the pain, to stop the death. There had already seen so much death.

But she couldn’t do anything except watch the fight leave the man’s body as he slowly stopped moving, his eyes becoming more and more blank through his tears. The same blank she’d first seen all those years ago in her mother’s eyes.

She let out a choked sob at the smell of iron, watching the blood slowly seep into the soil. When she looked up, Zuko was still fighting off three people. There wasn’t any emotion in his eyes but concentration as he grabbed someone’s face and burned them enough to push them back. Well, that and the glint she’d witnessed so many times in battle, the same she’d seen that day in the catacombs where all had seemed lost, where she’d held her friend’s lifeless body in her arms as the monster prowled towards her.

He didn’t show any pain as one of their attackers stabbed his shoulder, instead grabbing the person and throwing them at one of their teammates.

She was pretty sure she now understood why people were this afraid of him.

The way he fought, he was like a machine.

---

“Your left, don’t forget your left.”

Of course he remembered.

“No, your right! Protect your right!”

He couldn’t do both at the same time.

And yet Zuko was still standing, still moving still fighting. Of course he was, it was what he was taught to do, what he was born to do. Born to be. What he would always be.

But this time he was fighting for her and only her. Every burned skin, every bone cracked, every single drop of blood spilled was for her safety and her safety alone. And theirs… He would fight for them too. They wouldn’t die, not under his watch, not as long as he could still stand.

A child falling from the air, shot down by his own hand. Twelve… thirteen… Like father, like son.

No, not anymore. Not for him.

There was no father to please, quite the opposite. Only the ghost of his words remained, none of which could rat him out, none of which could punish him. The only way he factored into this fight was that Zuko couldn’t use lighting, since lighting would obviously come from him.

Another rib cracked. Another neck snapped.

“Remember to breathe.”

“Behind you.”

---

Death was… it was natural. Every living being died eventually. Some died peacefully, with a life lived to its fullest, but most did not.

Aang knew that. Even before he’d ran away, he’d known that, to some extent. Sure, he’d never and would never eat or hunt animals, but he’d seen a mountain tiger-goat catch an antelope-sheep once. It had been gruesome and scary, and Aang could still remember crying even after Monk Gyatso told him that if was all part of life. Bloodshed was a necessary part of life for some creatures, because that was how they survived.

Since waking from the iceberg, Aang had had to see far more bloodshed, literal or not, practically none of it necessary. But he knew by now, even if he never wanted to participate in it, that bloodshed had to sometimes counter the first kind. He understood that sometimes, to protect yourself, you had to kill.

Watching Zuko move in and out of his view while going through each of their attackers was horrific. Even though Aang knew that these people were here to hurt them and talked of killing his friends, something that had angered him deeply to the point where he’d almost felt the Avatar State return to him, the sight and sound of their deaths was something he desperately wished would stop. Instead, Zuko went on, slaughtering people with too much efficiency for anyone, let alone a teenager.

People shouldn’t have to do that. Teenagers shouldn’t know how to do that. Shooting (killing) him with lightning had been one thing, but here, the deaths were close and bloody. With all of his movements, it was impossible to know where Zuko’s clothes stopped and his skin began.

“You’re not dealing with the average military-trained firebender here,” Chit Sang had warned.

Aang thought he’d understood what the man had said back then.

Now, he truly knew what that meant.

---

It was a testament to his training that, in the middle of cries and broken bones and blood, Zuko felt the most sane and in control he’d felt since… before the eclipse? Before Ba Sing Se? It was hard to remember much, like his brain kept putting everything in boxes to keep out of sight. But here, in the throws of battle, he didn’t have to remember, he didn’t have to worry about what he said or how he acted, he didn’t have to worry about people liking or hating him. All he needed to think about was his and his teammates’ survival. This was what he was good at, the only thing he was good at, and he would get the job done flawlessly.

Currently, he only had one last person to deal with, a particularly persistent chi-blocker. Problem was, chi-blocking didn’t really work on him, not after he’d asked Ty Lee to use it on him repeatedly to build up some sort of immunity to it. Sure, he could still get paralysed, but since he knew which parts of his body had to be hit for that, he knew how to protect himself, and also feign an opening. The man fell for it, getting close enough for Zuko to be able to grab his arm and break it. Then, he simply had to grab his head and snap his neck before letting his body fall to the ground.

Another dead by his hands. At least they all had a fighting chance, as small as it had been. At least they hadn’t died kneeling.

“Stand down!”

Zuko almost mistook the order for one of the voices, but it sounded nothing like the ones he usually heard. When her turned towards it, he slapped himself mentally for missing one of his opponents, the leader of the dead people surrounding him. Damn it, he had to focus more, how could he have missed…

The man was holding Azula up despite the fact she was still paralysed. Her head lulled back slightly as the man held a knife to her throat. Her eyes were on Zuko, scared and pleading.

No. No no no nonononononononononononono-

“The Fire Lord warned me there was a small chance you would defect for her, but…” His eyes trailed down to the various bodies of his teammates. He looked like he was holding back tears. “You want her alive?” he went on after taking a shuddering breath. “Then you stand down and come with me without a fight.”

Zuko could have laughed, but it wouldn’t be an appropriate moment to do so. Who the fuck was he to demand Zuko’s surrender?

“I said, stand down!” the man shouted, clearly on edge. Now whatever could have made him feel that way?

Zuko simply lifted his hands up in surrender, eyes never leaving the man. He stared back, with Azula’s gaze flickering between the two of them, turning into a glare when it met her captor.

After a minute or so of standing there, the man seemed to accept that Zuko was giving up and loosened his grip on Azula as he took a few steps closer. Zuko leaned backwards slightly and grabbed his crown which he had tucked in his sash before quickly throwing it at the man’s head. It went straight into his eye, making him shout in surprise and pain while letting go of Azula. Zuko rushed to catch her before she hit the ground, laying her down gently on her side while making sure that she wouldn’t see. As the man groaned while clutching his head, Zuko checked that none of the others would see either, and only had to turn Katara and Momo’s bodies away before moving back to the man.

He was in a sorry state, kneeling on the ground as blood flowed from his right eye, clearly disorientated, not knowing what to do. That was fine, he wouldn’t need to know anything anymore.

Zuko grabbed the man’s hair to keep his head steady before slowly removing his crown from the man’s eye. He heaved and cried out as more pain hit him, grabbing at Zuko’s hands to try and stop him, but Zuko just waited for him to be more aware of his surroundings before pushing him to the ground and sitting on top of him. His still-working left eye stared at him in fear, and all Zuko could think of was how right this situation felt. That fucker had barged in with his little friends to take him back to Ozai, he’d planned on killing everyone here but Aang who would then be locked away and tortured for the rest of his life, he’d wanted to kill his sister, kill his friends, and then, he’d tried to tell him what to do.

“I’m the only one who has that right,” Father spat.

No, not him either. Fuck him. The only people allowed to tell him what to do was Azula and himself. As he traced a line on the man’s skin from his bloody cheek to his neck, he felt a smile creep around the corner of his lips. No, they couldn’t tell him what to do, none of them.

The man’s whimpers got louder as the crown’s point stopped right where his jugular vein was.

“Please…”

He tilted his head. “Please what?”

Before the man could answer, he drove the crown straight into the man’s side where a weak point in his armour resided. He howled in pain as Zuko twisted the crown, its sharp and uneven edges digging deeper into his flesh as he cut more and more of the skin. He kept grabbing Zuko’s arm to take it out, but Zuko held himself steady. His screams were filled with pleas, which were probably starting to aggravate his teammates. To remedy this while still teaching the man a lesson, Zuko ripped the man’s glove from one of his shaking hands and stuffed it into his mouth.

“No need to shout,” he said softly. “That’s not gonna get you anywhere.”

Whines still spilled from his throat as blood slowly pooled out of him from his face and side, remaining eye begging him for mercy.

“Don’t.”

“He tried to kill her…”

“To kill all of them.”

“Make him suffer.”

“Make him pay.”

That’s exactly what he would do back at the palace, what he had done, but… he wasn’t in the palace anymore. He didn’t have to be so… Was it cruel? The man was dead either way, did he really have to make things worse?

A chocked sob came from someone other than the man beneath him. Zuko looked up to see Aang’s shoulders and chest convulsing as another sob came out of him. Zuko looked around him, bloody corpses surrounding them, surrounding children and…

How had he reacted to death the first time he’d encountered it? Horror… Incomprehension… Sadness… Nothing that could be shown. Would he have reacted like Aang or… had he reacted like Aang? He couldn’t remember…

So small…

“You’re a monster to him.”

“To all of them.”

Another sob came from the man, and Zuko quickly stabbed him in the neck where he would die the quickest. After a few gargled breaths, it was done.

“Did you forget?”

He got up and looked at his still-paralysed teammates.

“They won’t want you here anymore.”

He’d just been trying to help. He’d saved them, right? He’d done something good for one, right?

“You just killed in front of children. Again.”

“How horrible.”

“How disgusting.”

“You’re disgusting.”

They would understand. Yes, Aang was crying, but he understood. He was just…

He got up and stared at the man below him. His face was almost fully covered in blood, eye leaking out from its socket. He’d just gotten a little angry, but they would understand, right? He had tried to kill Azula for fuck’s sake.

He turned to look at her, her back still turned to the bloody mess he’d made. She would understand, and she would explain it to them, and everything would be fine, right? Of course she would understand, she had to, she…

“You’re a monster,” her voice rang out in disgust.

He flinched but still moved towards her. She couldn’t talk to him right now, so his mind was just making it all up. She would understand.

He crouched down and tilted her head to see her face and tell her that it was over, that they were all safe now. But when he saw her, he stilled. Her eyes were wide and filled with… too much… too much.

Horror…

Fear…

Disgust.

Anger.

Hate.

She hated him.

He’d just wanted to help.

They stared at each other, and all he could find in her eyes was revulsion at his action, at his very self.

He could still remember her reaction at finding out about the executions, how she’d been so distant afterwards, how she’d looked at him like she didn’t recognise him, like he wasn’t her brother. She looked the same now, incomprehension in her eyes like he was a stranger wearing her brother’s face. No, not a stranger.

“A monster.”

As he let go of her face, he saw the remaining trace of blood that came from his hand on her cheek. Tainted. Everything he touched was tainted. He stared at his hands, covered in blood, always blood.

It would never go.

The smell would never leave.

“You’ll never be able to clean them.”

He stepped back and stared at the red around him. Always red. Nothing but red.

“You haven’t been clean in a long time.”

She was right to look at him like someone else. He wasn’t her brother, not anymore. No matter how much he lied to himself, saying that part of him was still the same boy she’d grown up with, he knew he was wrong. He just had to accept it.

(“It’ll still be nice to have you around.”)

(“You’re not getting rid of me anytime soon.”)

(“I told you, I am not leaving you. No matter what happens, you’re my brother and I am never abandoning you again. You won’t be alone.”)

(“You don’t ruin things.”)

(“You’re the best brother I could ever ask for and I won’t let anyone hurt you.”)