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Chapter Text

Jiang Cheng has made many mistakes in life, but none so immensely irreversible.

There's a solution to this, and she had briefly considered it, the notion of being a single mother would be hard, people will judge her even more harshly and she will never escape the gossip, but when she compares that to her life now- well, it's not all that different. If only she'll be treated worse than now than she believes she can bear it. She usually doesn't care about the opinions of others anyway. She's long stopped taking anything outsiders say to heart. It's just something to brush aside as she continued thriving in her own way, with or without her parents' approval.

But there are other factors she had to consider before ever being completely on board with accepting her fate.

Her child would not have a father.

It can't be all that bad, she had tried to coax herself. She has both her parents and she isn't happy; well-provided for and given expectations to be better, but never has she received the loving hand she used to yearn for from them. If she wants to do this, then she can, it'll be hard for sure, but she has taken on many challenges with all of her determination, so she wouldn't fail.

Therefore it drove her onward to keep the baby and to prepare her life for the new addition.

It never once crossed her mind to share the news with anybody.

(She doesn't even imagine a world where they're suited for each other.)

~~~

The day Jiang Cheng finally left her childhood home wasn't heart-wrenching but how lackluster her farewell had been was a bit sad to think about. Her father had been too busy to properly see her off as he stayed in the study upstairs, and mother was there to stare disapprovingly with a scowl at the many boxes in the arms of the men Jiang Cheng had hired to load into her car, but leaving the big part of the city was an experience that gave her a sort of freedom she wasn't accustomed to. She didn't have to dress a certain way, since there was always some nosy reporter somewhere trying to snap a candid picture of her, so instead of tight dress shirts and pencil skirts she wore a baggy sweater to hide her growing shape, and a pair of sweats that made her comfortable enough to go jogging around while doing her errands without worrying about attracting any strange stares.

The condo building she lived in now was merely miles away from the rural area, but still rather close to the city. Just enough for a few hours drive to make it to her parents' manor. But no one she knew would ever travel here.

Not that anything happened in this peaceful side of the province. There weren't any talent agencies around, just a food enterprise and warehouses. Jiang Cheng hadn't wanted to hide from the public at first, but now she enjoyed the anonymity, even if she was a coward for running away, at least she can find moments of happiness as she settled into this new lifestyle.

All of it was for her child.

And no thoughts of him entered her mind. She distracted herself whenever she remembered their night together, of his warm amber eyes, so intense when focused on her and the feel of his chiseled body, hidden under his impeccable suits, so-

Agh, she shakes her head, no.

She's moved on from that.

Her only regret was that she hadn't been prepared for anything. Living as she did in a traditional family should have ingrained some caution into her, such as having sex before marriage or even without proper protection, but she'd taken the risk.

Another one of those insane moments she had when she thought she'd overcome any obstacle by sheer willpower.

More like stupidity, she rectifies because she didn't always make the wisest of decisions when her pride was in the way, in this case she'd been taken in by a man.

In her self-imposed seclusion, only her sister had been the one to persistently contact her; Wei Wuxian was often confused about the time zones since he'd traveled the world as an aspiring archaeologist, so he'd call once in a while, mostly keeping to monthly check in messages. Jiang Cheng had almost wanted to call him once but then disregarded the thought. He might not even pick up anyway, only to call back at an ungodly hour.

But sometimes she missed his aggravating ass beyond reason.

As for friends, she had few of those but mostly their connection tied back to the company. So without that, why would they bother with her? She left behind all of it, and now she was alone.

Well, not exactly. She just didn't have the courage to face her sister right now.

Because she wasn't sure how to face her family when she was this far along in her pregnancy. Too late for second guessing, but she didn't have any doubts after making her decisions, only worries.

She feels changed. Not the same Jiang Cheng from weeks ago, but a stranger who has taken her place and needs to figure things out.

Even now she's uncertain. How is she supposed to act now?

But in the end, she decided to risk whatever the collateral damages may be, because she did miss having a familiar face around. So, she'd told her sister to come over when she had the time to catch up.

Being a mother didn't really change Yanli, not in Jiang Cheng's opinion anyway, because her sister had always had a nurturing soul, the one who empathized easily and gave comfort to those in need. In a way, she was both a mother and a sister to Jiang Cheng, even their mother seemed to be bemused by Yanli's nature. 

And aware that she looks like a mess, with her untamed hair left in a sloppy bun and her causal grey outfit ratty and threadbare from how often she wore them, despite how they're only months old, she still manages to open the door with a smile. It might be desperation, but she's eager for company after being isolated for so long; the only people she's talked to have been the elderly folk at the food market and then the eccentric neighbor downstairs who always gave her different conspiracies each day. It had alleviated her boredom, but she never felt close to anyone. As someone who had an alienation to many of her peers, it should have been something she was used to, but it struck her harder than ever for some reason. 

When her older sister stares at her, it's with joy, no hint of being taken aback by her appearance, behind her is her husband who holds the housewarming gifts,  but at that moment Jiang Cheng sees someone more reliable than she thought possible. Her sister has always been the one she told secrets to, and went to for comfort even if it was brief in the longer moments of loneliness, but she had someone on her side. Someone she could trust and depend on. But now Yanli suddenly seems taller than ever. Like the world exists at her whim.

Jiang Cheng almost cries on the spot but bites her lip hard enough to keep herself restrained. She leads them to the kitchen to place the care packages on the counter.

She has never been the chef in the family, she can cook, but none so good as her sister's, so she greedily hounds the homemade meals and barely even acknowledges her brother-in-law who's scowling at whole set up of her interior from where he's stationed in the common room now, having migrated over there as he checked the place over. Probably thinking it's all too small.

And to her knowledge, and disappointment, A-Ling is staying over at his grandparents for the weekend, but it's really Madam Jin or Jin Guangyao who truly pays attention to him.

Jin Guangyao is Jin Zixuan's half-brother, one of many, and someone that Jiang Cheng is often wary of because she can't get a good read on the man, he's like an adapting reptile that changes skin whenever he deems it necessary, but then she'd remember the time he bought her tampons, and let her guard down just a little. 

"Do you ever want to talk about it?" Her sister asks after they've settled down, staring around her condo with a concerned look. It was a perfectly livable space for one person, but too spartan, lacking any personal touches since she kept to her bedroom at nights and spent her days sightseeing outside unless she was too tired for much else. There was a couch and a TV, and a coffee table for the living room, but otherwise it was as impersonal as a hotel room. Though she was still trying to set up the nursey which is a section of her bedroom since it's already such a huge space. 

"Talk about what?" She asks after opening up one of the care packages, taking out the two top containers that attract her senses, and she almost forgets about the world around her as she salivates over the egg tofu soup and sweet and sour fried fish she discovers under the lids. And it's only the beginning of what's been packed.

"Why did you leave home so suddenly? A-Niang was beside herself and called me to check on you," Yanli patiently says and she comes over to Jiang Cheng's side to help sort out the food containers. Placing the unopened ones in the fridge which is embarrassingly empty; but in her pantry there's a lot of instant recipes that Jiang Cheng has taken to. Even offers a little smile when Jiang Cheng guards the food in front of her. "You haven't told anyone what's wrong."

"Why must something be wrong," Jiang Cheng mutters, though she's aware that that's pretty much the only reason why she would ever leave. Her whole life has been built on her family legacy, she wouldn't have strayed from home or the company if she hadn't been disowned somehow. It's all her livelihood, to succeed her father one day and make her parents proud even if they only see her as a product of their glory.

"The world would have ended before you could possibly give up your heiress position," Jin Zixuan says, sounding condescending as ever. He's mellowed out with her sister being married to him, but he still has the tongue of a grouchy man. Jiang Cheng has butted heads with him many times because their personalities are too alike. They usually bond over how much they love A-Ling, the most precious person in the world.

Yanli clears her throat though Jiang Cheng wasn't going to argue. Really. "What A-Xuan truly means is that living here, away from family gives off the impression that you're upset."

"It was about time," Jiang Cheng says, electing to ignore how obviously Jin Zixuan didn't mean any of that."I can't always live there. You moved out, Wei Wuxian moved out and I was the only one there. So…"

"But unlike Yanli and Wei Wuxian, you're single," Jin Zixuan says, but immediately quails at whatever look Yanli shoots at him.

Jiang Cheng doesn't care though as she looks down at the counter, her hands clenched on top with steaming fried fish between them. But her appetite is gone, stone cold.

"I'm pregnant," she says abruptly without fanfare. Her fears had been overtaken by something nauseating and she wanted it out.

There's silence hanging in the air for a moment and her head spins with it as she imagines the worst, but then her sister is reaching out for her slowly, carefully before pulling her into a hug when Jiang Cheng doesn't tense up. She has always been weird about touch. She craves it a lot but it discomforts her too, so much so that it seemed like she was afraid of it.

Her sister is ever thoughtful in gestures as she observes Jiang Cheng with her keen eyes. "Oh, A-Cheng, you don't have to do this alone. We're here for you."

"Who's the father?" Jin Zixuan asks in even tones as he stalks over to them.

Jiang Cheng hesitates, swallows the lump in her throat then says, "Lan Xichen."

"Lan. Xichen. Did you just say Lan Xichen?" Jin Zixuan asks incredulously, but he's staring at her with that formidable expression he uses as a CEO. One that's intimidating enough to have him hailed as one of the most cutthroat businessmen in their country.

"Oh," even Yanli sounds faint.

"Yeah," Jiang Cheng agrees.

Oh, indeed.

Lan Xichen is everyone's rival, a total tycoon that took their industry by storm the moment he became the prominent CEO, and he'd bought out major players until they were part of his family's company, so the Lan Corp was one of the largest and wealthiest businesses today. And while he may have a lot of enemies, no one dares to publicly offend him, seeing as how he has a lot of clout and respect.

People that don't give in to him either, go bankrupt.

"How did this even happen?" Her sister asks.

"It was at a party, we both sorta found each other and then- yeah. This. Happened."

"Lan Xichen has a reason for everything," Jin Zixuan says, as sharp as a whip. "He probably seduced you on purpose and now that-"

"It wasn't like that!" Jiang Cheng says. She'd know, honestly. She'd faced many attempts of these honeypots, men that curry favor and those that want to trick her into a marriage to save her reputation. But she'd managed to outsmart anyone with these intentions. Her name is still dragged through the mud though and smeared by vicious people. Slander is the only weapon they can use against her since she's not liable to being conned.

"But it's not a coincidence that he planned to take over Jiang Inc. and suddenly you're having his baby!"

"He doesn't even know! Look, it wasn't some fairytale but it wasn't a trick either."

"Then explain it-"

"Zixuan," Yanli places a hand on her husband's chest to stop him. Jin Zixuan was an overbearing asshole, Jiang Cheng had thought when she was younger, but now she understood better.

Jin Zixuan and her were two peas in a pod after all.

Wearily, she slumps and averts her gaze, her face a little hot as she mutters, "I was the one who approached him, so in a way I seduced him, alright?"

"W-what?" Jin Zixuan sputters, which causes her to briefly crack a small smile.

"Then why did you run?" Yanli gets into the heart of it, her voice quiet.

"Yeah," her idiot brother-in-law is quick to make a comeback as he becomes defensive.

Jiang Cheng frowns. "I wanted something for myself. I can't explain it but I just thought about how horrible it'd be if my baby grew up like me, in that environment. Maybe I'll return one day, I can't ignore my family name forever, but I don't know…my baby is mine. Why should I have to let anyone else know?"

She looks at her sister, ignoring Jin Zixuan for the moment and hopefully forever, but Yanli is staring at her with teary eyes. Her lips trembling, and oh, gods, Jiang Cheng feels like the worst all of a sudden. She made her sister cry-

"You will be such a good mother, A-Cheng, I know because you care so much already, and this feeling you have, don't think it's selfish because it's not."

"A-jie-"

"You don't owe anyone anything," Yanli sniffles, and wipes her tears away with a delicate hand. But her expression is suddenly that familiar stern one, and it's the only look that's ever gotten Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian to stop fighting in an instant. "But I think you should give Lan Xichen a chance."

"You don't even trust him," Jiang Cheng blurts, caught off guard though perhaps she should have expected it. Yanli had the same upbringing as her after all.

"Yes, but I don't see him as a heartless monster either."

"But he is," Jin Zixuan mutters sullenly. They both ignore him.

"I just think that since he's around," Yanli explains, "he could be involved."

"No, he might try to take custody of my baby," she argues. She's been thinking a lot of the many possibilities, her mind couldn't shut up as she stayed up at nights imagining the worst.

"Maybe he won't even want to take responsibility as a father," Jin Zixuan adds.

"You basically told me that he would baby trap me to get my shares of the company!" The implications of that being that Lan Xichen wouldn't leave her baby alone for his benefit.

"Exactly, finally you're seeing it my way-"

Jiang Cheng honest to gods growls which causes Jin Zixuan to take a step back but he had that infuriating smirk on his face as if he's won some argument.

"How far along are you?" Yanli asks, getting in between them in a natural glide.

"Oh," Jiang Cheng scratches at her cheek sheepishly then without any warning lifts her oversized sweater. The only thing she's wearing underneath is a bra so her belly is bare, but the small protruding bump would be noticeable either way, and Jin Zixuan makes a strangled noise, but Yanli smiles radiantly. "Five months," she says after that.

"Look, A-Xuan," Yanli says happily. "We're going to be an aunt and uncle and now A-Ling has a little cousin!"

"A-Ling wouldn't be jealous, would he?" Jiang Cheng asks, half-teasing but also a little worried. Her nephew was spoiled to a fault and didn't like sharing much of anything, but he was still a sweet boy to her.

Yanli only laughs at that, but Jin Zixuan suddenly seems more interested in the ceiling.

All in all, now that the secret is out, Jiang Cheng feels like a burden has lifted off her shoulders.

~~~

Later that night, Yanli has the laptop set up on the coffee table for a face call and she and Jiang Cheng are sitting on throw pillows on the ground, their arms around each other as they wait to connect to Wei Wuxian.

The news is much easier to give the second time around, and Jiang Cheng has never been afraid to tell Wei Wuxian anything, only struggling with how.

Wei Wuxian looks chirpy as always even with the bags under his eyes, but it's the fact that he's happy at all that eases any of their concerns. But after they drop the bombshell on him, his face contorts to disbelief then strangely enough betrayal.

"WHAT?! THAT PEACOCK KNEW BEFORE ME-"

"Ahem," Yanli coughs.

Wei Wuxian laughs sheepishly. "Oh wow, I mispronounced Jin Zixuan so bad sorry I forgot how to speak Chinese for a moment-"

Jiang Cheng suddenly bursts into tears.

Full on sobbing and bawling like a baby. In their childhood, she's always been a crybaby but she's learned better how to hide her tears and keep herself quiet but now she's suddenly that little girl again.

Her breath hitches uncontrollably and she's babbling nonsense. "You- come back- beat this playboy's ass for me! Jin Zixuan is too damn weak! Wei Wuxian, aren't you my brother?! Defend my honor!"

"You've been watching too many dramas," Wei Wuxian cuts through fondly but he sounds shaken and his eyes are round on his face.

"No," Yanli says serenely, hugging her tightly. "If anyone is defending A-Cheng's honor it's me."

Jiang Cheng shakes her head, coming back to her senses, though she is warm from all of her sister's unwavering support. "Lan Xichen isn't at fault, I just don't know how to handle this. Should I tell him? As the father, he should have the right, but we're nothing to each other. Jin Zixuan thinks he might use the baby for nefarious schemes."

"Uh," Wei Wuxian makes an odd face, usually he'd start teasing or something but he glances at someplace in his room.

"Who are you looking at?" Jiang Cheng asks flatly because that's the kind of look of someone's who's been caught talking about something they shouldn't.

Her brother laughs a little shrilly then clears his throat as he directs his phone camera around.

Jiang Cheng stares blankly as Lan Wangji's unreadable face dreadfully comes into view. He stares at them as if he's an alien from another planet that's severely unimpressed by humanity. 

Well, now at least they knew who Wei Wuxian's ever so elusive lover was.

"I knew it!" Jin Zixuan shatters the awkward silence with his accusatory voice, "Lan Xichen sent his brother to track you! He's after us! Don't worry Wei Wuxian, you're sacrificing yourself for the greater good, now we'll show this piece of evidence to the police!"

Yanli facepalms so hard the smacking sound resounds, but that has Wei Wuxian howling in fits of laughter. Lan Wangji arches a brow that's so judgmental it gives Jiang Cheng the urge to hide from the world. 

Chapter Text

Is Jiang Cheng a good enough liar?

Her tongue was sharp and cutting, almost petulant and her mother hadn't once scolded her about it, but she'd pinch Jiang Cheng when they were in public after she said something she wasn't supposed to. 

An instance had been when she first met Lan Qiren, her future teacher. It was a formal introduction years before she would properly be enrolled into his school, but her father also had business with the man on the side. The school's funding came from old money after all. 

The Lan clan were more old fashioned than any other family she'd known and she thought her family was traditional. 

Lan Qiren had a perpetual frown on his face and his sharp narrowed gaze would nitpick a person as he stared for errors and Jiang Cheng had absolutely done something worse than even Wei Wuxian, who the man was already impatient with. Though her father had smiled fondly and said Wei Wuxian was one who couldn't sit still and his mouth worked faster than his mind. He tended to blurt things out, as he did when he saw Lan Qiren and insulted his beard. 

Jiang Cheng had giggled. 

Lan Qiren had frowned and stared at her. Seeing her for the first time.

"Your face is interesting," she remarked, and added as her father failed to interject over her and her mother grabbed her shoulder a little tightly. "I could tell what you're thinking and you don't like Xian-ge much but Xian-ge is so funny and he'd make you laugh if your face wasn't stuck like that."

Jiang Cheng was pinched. Her father tightly said, "A-Cheng is much like her mother-"

"Fengmian," Mother said sharply but her father ignored her even as Lan Qiren looked between them with a deep frown. 

"They enjoy the discomfort of others."

Her mother was so furious that day, Jiang Cheng remembered but she would recall after that disastrous meeting, Lan Qiren had found her later as her parents argued at the car to clear the air before going home, and left her sitting on the steps, waiting for them to call her. Wei Wuxian had already found somewhere to play in his adventurous nature but she didn't have the heart to follow him, upset by everything.

"Little Miss Jiang," Lan Qiren said sternly. And maybe that was just his voice but she had cried on the spot when she saw him, causing him to startle. 

"I'm sorry, Teacher Lan, I didn't know any better! Please forgive A-Cheng and Xian-ge, too."

She knows while her father was only mad over her disrespect it was Wei Wuxian who would earn her mother's ire later because her parents were split on him, but she wished more than anything someone treated her affectionately like her older sister did. That she was also someone's preference and not the other option. 

Her parents didn't have to choose sides, she and Xian-ge were brother and sister, they were going to grow up and take over the world together. He promised. 

Lan Qiren sighed deeply and sat down next to her. "I'm not mad," he said. "You are right, it's just my face. I tend to scare children, only my nephews approach me comfortably but I raised them so it would make sense...I don't dislike your...Xian-ge either. I think he needs some discipline at this school, and maybe he'll turn out behaved."

"Xian-ge is well behaved,"Jiang Cheng had told a lie but her brother was so much fun she didn't want to imagine him turning out different. Lan Qiren frowned but she realized it was just his expression. 

"Yes," he agreed indulgently. He stared off into the distance where her parents were arguing. For all that they told her and Wei Wuxian to behave so people wouldn't talk too much as they saved face, they didn't seem to care that they were attracting attention of students passing by. 

"Xian-ge is funny, but I'm not," Jiang Cheng told a truth to make up for the lie. "That's why my father doesn't like me much."

"What father doesn't love their child?" Lan Qiren muttered. 

Jiang Cheng smiled. "Xian-ge said the same thing." A thoughtful frown marred her face. "But isn't like different from love? You can love someone but not like them, right?"

Lan Qiren made a face she would remember for years. 

But her mother had rushed over to collect her in that instant, speaking hurriedly to Lan Qiren and apologizing before snatching Jiang Cheng up. 

"Your father's taking that brat with him, we're taking the taxi," she said carrying Jiang Cheng over to a fountain. 

"Yu Ziyuan," Lan Qiren called out, not leaving them alone. "A child shouldn't grow up in such an environment."

"I'm not your student, Qiren. Spare me the lecture," her mother said coldly. 

Lan Qiren sighed heavily. "My elder nephew can keep an eye on her whenever Fengmian is busy, the door is always open."

Her mother didn't respond as she held Jiang Cheng tightly. Her body was shaking from her barely contained emotions. 

"A child so young," Lan Qiren didn't give up. "Needs love and attention. Constant strife will make them confused and distressed in their development, and matters of the heart will be difficult once they're grown. How will they know the difference between good and bad when their judgement is clouded by your example?" 

"Lan Qiren, don't force me to bring up uncomfortable topics," her mother snapped. "You know how much I would enjoy seeing your discomfort."

It was silent after that. 

The adults didn't exchange any more words but Lan Qiren stood there with them until the taxi eventually arrived, and Jiang Cheng fell asleep in her mother's arms with a headache. 

~~~

Can a person really change so much? Jiang Cheng had thought when she saw Lan Xichen again after so many years, sneaking glances at him in the office while he and her father talked over some business. Once it used to be Lan Qiren, so it was strange to see. 

Stranger, the man used to call her father Uncle. 

Now it was plainly Jiang Fengmian, a status of equals. To his face with a smile, and he gestured carelessly, almost like Lan Qiren did in his lectures when he taught at his family's owned academy. 

Every elite student had attended to learn the proper etiquette.

Jiang Cheng had been enrolled into the school when she turned fourteen before her fiftteenth birthday. The academy was a little unorthodox in modern times, but the graduating students had all come out to be at the pinnacle of success, their names mentioned on tv and their pictures plastered on billboards in high-class cities. Anyone who studied with top grades had stepped out of the Lan's Cloud Recesses to build a lucrative business, or earn glory, and one might think you needed to be born rich to be accepted, but scholarships were even offered to those that couldn't afford to go. And there was even a scouting program for those ambitious and talented in other parts of the country. 

Even providing a dormitory service if living accommodations were necessary. 

But there was a strict set of rules to follow. Even more than the average school. The student council was more uptight and she remembered Lan Wangji had been part of it with other Lans and some boy named Su She. 

And Jiang Cheng recalls that despite the way things are now, she and Lan Xichen had shared moments there too, even if she was forgotten by him since it's been years and he'd already moved to heights she couldn't even reach.

In this world, despite her social status, she was considered mundane. Everything she did worked in a mechanism while Lan Xichen outshone everyone else with brilliance. He had started out with humble beginnings, even if the Lan clan were an ancient name that held prestige they had only ever offered guidance for others as they shaped the future for other students.

Lan Xichen had been a rising phoenix. No one expected him to take this path at all, not in such a fashion. 

Even in a room of old coots holding more experience than his lifetime are outsmarted and out-talked by him as he moves them around to his liking on a chessboard, and they can't even retaliate by the time they figure it out because they're backed into a corner and completely trapped. 

Feeling Inadequate, she had focused on taking notes instead of staring at him, and trying to find a hint of the boy she once knew. He didn't even greet her the same, only waved politely before going back to business with the other respected individuals.

For years there had been rumors, for years Jiang Cheng had been cautioned against getting too close anymore as her father complained after work as he ripped off his tie, looking furious. More furious than she's ever seen in her entire life. Her parents' arguments had only ever drawn out her father's passivity these days. 

But when Lan Xichen comes into the picture, the epitome of an alpha leading a pack, her father's anger is sparked. 

And she wonders, what had Lan Xichen done to offend my father?

Or was it the other way around?

Her father's one glaring fault was not being able to move on from the past so she assumes he might have treated Lan Xichen too familiarly during a meeting instead of giving him the proper respect. It's the only conclusion she has. 

Don't think too much, she tells herself. Lan Xichen is no longer that boy, now he's a beast that constantly upsets her father. 

And her father takes it out on her. 

Alone, she didn't have Yanli to deflect the attention, alone she didn't have Wei Wuxian to find her afterwards and comfort her with his lies. How her father truly loved her and expected more from her because of that. 

Yanli doesn't receive this treatment. Their father is proud of her in his own way, and the favoritism towards Wei Wuxian could either be because he was a boy or the child of his late beloved friends. And Jiang Cheng is remembered because she is his child, groomed to be the heiress and one day she will be the CEO. 

But Jiang Cheng's envy is cutting, thorns pricking her inside so she feels internal bleeding and wounded with no real way to heal.

Over time it might decrease, but the cuts are scabs and the marks are left behind. 

"That Lan boy is a wolf," Mother had said, not complaining, almost praising Lan Xichen it seemed as she drank a glass of wine during supper. Her eyes glittered, wanting to provoke her father. 

"Hardly a boy," Father replied stiffly, cutting into his steak too hard, the silverware might break under the pressure of his frustrations. He had glanced at Jiang Cheng who was dutifully eating with the proper etiquette she had been taught and she was even dressed for the occasion in a cheongsam, the purple and pink traditional dress of her mother's choosing, and seemed to find fault in her silence.

Her existence even.

"Lan Xichen was once your minder. You stayed over at the Lans' villa before as a child and yet you know nothing substantial about him."

What did he want? A secret to ruin Lan Xichen's reputation? But no, her father wasn't vindictive.

He found it unbearable that her mother was, so it would be hypocritical of him. 

"A young girl who played around a lot," Mother said, swishing her wine glass with cold eyes, directed at her father, "wouldn't know what to look for, Fengmian. A-Cheng wasn't raised to be your little spy. She's an heiress and will conduct herself as such." She reached over to pat Jiang Cheng on the shoulder but she barely felt it, the comfort if it was one didn't bring any reprieve. 

Quietly, she looked down, her waning appetite now has become a bout of nausea roiling in her stomach. 

She wanted to please her father. 

So badly. 

But she didn't know how. 

It ached, raw and bloody inside of her. 

~~~

Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji could be mistaken for twins, there were even those who approached the wrong brother until they really looked, because their mannerisms were so different it bled into their expressions, and their faces were only marginally alike, their eyes and the shape of their faces.

Otherwise, it was like putting a dog next to a cat who had the same colored fur, and asking someone to tell the difference. 

Lan Wangji was more stoic and usually didn't look at anyone he was disinterested in, his ability to hold eye contact was-

Let's just say, the only reason he's staring at Jiang Cheng right now is because she's an idiot. And he's judging her. 

Severely. 

Jiang Cheng allows it for only a few long seconds, stretched into what feels like minutes before she slams the laptop shut and breathes harshly. Her hands clenched over the lid as she looks at seemingly nowhere.

What is she supposed to do now?

Any other time, and she would have asked Wei Wuxian many questions about this development, since she was so sure in her recollections that her brother used to think Lan Wangji was a complete fuddy duddy, a stick in the mud and boring, and pretty- but boring, boring, boring. She had listened nonstop to his incessant chatter about Lan Wangji during their teenage years. 

Ah. 

Perhaps it was in front of her face the whole damn time. 

But she can't even feel amusement at the moment. Later, she might laugh about it because of course Wei Wuxian does the most unpredictable unexpected thing even in his dating life. This notorious flirt and appreciator of pretty ladies is with the boy who used to catch him breaking the rules during their academy days. 

Lan Wangji wasn't a gossip either, but this was an issue involving his older brother, so she wasn't calm in the least. He now knew the secret Jiang Cheng had been keeping from her own family. Just like that he's now part of the few who know her condition and the father. 

A hand settles over her shoulder, squeezing comfortingly in the reigning silence. It's so damning though. Only relaxing a little because her sister is next to her.

"A-Cheng, I don't think Wangji will tell Lan Xichen," her sister reassures her. 

"How can he not?" Jiang Cheng asks numbly. Feeling cold even in her room temperature apartment. Thankfully, Jin Zixuan keeps his nose out of this one, having been shooed out by his wife so he's sulking by the kitchen counter. She almost wishes he'd speak, because it would bring back her temper. It was better than feeling so helpless. 

"A-Xian will make sure of it," Yanli promises, and there's a sense of finality, of complete and utter faith that Wei Wuxian absolutely will. Jiang Cheng hadn't even known her brother was dating Lan Wangji and that they were even traveling together. She only knew that Lan Wangji had left suddenly and there was a whole buzz about his departure but not for long since Lan Xichen gained a reputation too dangerous for people to worry about his younger brother. 

Though that didn't stop people from fawning over Lan Xichen and behaving as if they existed solely to be in his orbit. 

Even Jiang Cheng wasn't exempt. 

How long had she known Lan Xichen and who he really was underneath that gentleman facade, and yet she-

"I don't want to see him," Jiang Cheng confesses with a twinge in her heart. 

Lan Xichen was many things to her. A man that she couldn't read the intentions of anymore even if they shared a history.

A history so distant it was dust by now. 

But ingrained in her memory foremost when she really thought about it was her first perception of him, that boy she crushed on in her childhood before she grew up and realized how embarrassing it was for her, and obvious. And Lan Xichen had indulged her, put up with her chasing after his legs when he'd had been given babysitting duties by his uncle when her father had brought her along to his meetings.

But a boy a few years older didn't have time for a stupid little girl who was awkward yet loudly tried to steal his attention. 

He had his books to study at that time and she had pestered him nonstop as he sat there in the common area, using the tea table to spread out his school work and she'd tugged relentlessly on his arm, play with me, look at me, while he absentmindedly told her he was busy, sit still and be good for Xichen-ge. Even tried to bribe her with candy he carried in his pockets just for this occasion. 

And then she cried and made a mess of things.

She slides a hand down her face, weariness overcoming her. 

She needed a nap. And the pregnancy hormones were bringing about a burst of tears again that she despised. 

"It's okay, A-Cheng," her sister whispers, at least she sounds so far away. "It's going to be okay."

~~~

The dreams were the same. 

Even months later, the encounter was vividly engraved in her conscience that she could not escape it when she slept. During her wakefulness, she could distract herself and shove everything aside all she wanted, but she couldn't escape the memories. 

The dreams that happened would repeat, to remind her of the man. 

"Do you like me?" 

A shake of her head. Cheeks blossoming with heat that flushed down to her neck. 

"Really?" A conniving snake, Jiang Cheng had thought, since he sounded so damn sly before he started to unravel her with his hands, undressing her with precision like she was a wrapped up present.

Even his eyes slowly raked over her in appreciation as he took his time getting to it, the only thing she needed right now.

The core of her pulsing with anticipation.

The de-stress she needed so badly was just right here. With Lan Xichen providing what her body craved, the only man she trusted despite everything.

The only man she ever looked at despite all those blind dates her parents set up for her. No one compared, no one was interesting or smart enough or even had the grace and patience she was fascinated by, she knew they would get fed up with her if things played out like her parents' marriage. There was no way she could be married when in small doses she rubbed these prideful men the wrong way. 

But Lan Xichen had this unwavering patience in him that attracted her. 

Lan Xichen was so sweet and caring back then, indulgent to her whims even with the strained smile on his face. But that's also why she shook her head every time he asked if she liked him, and kept her distance with her persona of indifference when she was old enough to realize how much her actions caused the adults in her life to laugh over like she was being a particularly precocious child. One so demanding yet only endearing to a certain point. 

The past- their childhood, had no bearings on their relationship now. She could now face him for business, had attended required meetings as she was an intern for her father's company as he wanted to show her the ropes though she wondered if he was actually going through with it when it actually mattered. Handing the position over to her when he eventually retired. 

And sometimes she wondered if Wei Wuxian had stuck around if her father would have completely disregarded her in favor of her brother when the company needed a new figurehead. 

"Your mind should be on me," Lan Xichen said. A hint of displeasure in his voice, similar to a strict teacher. And she laughed, shortly but amused. 

"Should I copy the rules in the library, Xichen-laoshi?" She had snarked, fluttering her eyelashes at him. And she wondered if she broke the mood because he was staring at her. 

The silence was charged with tension as his eyes became darker than chocolate. 

And the atmosphere was heated like they were in a sauna together. 

Then he surged forth and kissed her. A claiming as he was rough, swallowing her noises and consuming her as he could with his lips molded to hers and his tongue seeking entrance and locking inside to explore. 

And she was lost.

Trembling, not sure if she was frightened or overwhelmed, but the earth had quaked for her, and with many stars in the universe that dazzled, he had burned hotter than the sun as she melted beneath him. 

~~~

Another week passes into another month rather peacefully and she is relieved. 

And officially she is gearing into the third trimester of her pregnancy. 

Sometimes she is flabbergasted by how long she'd been alone, fiercely independent without anyone else knowing. She had her breakdowns before but she could freely call her sister to ask questions now even as she made appointments to the doctor if she felt anxious. 

Her sister and Jin Zixuan had promised to bring A-Ling next time they came over since she missed her nephew dearly. But she focused on getting back into the routine of things. 

She needed groceries. 

Yanli said she could send over more care packages but Jiang Cheng was an adult. She wasn't helpless and needed to start being able to feed herself if she wanted to eventually raise a baby. 

"Did you already do the ultrasound?" Yanli had asked. And Jiang Cheng sent her the pictures from her second trimester check up. 

"I've been calling them Little Peanut. I thought about Little Love or Jasmine or Froggy, at a certain angle they look like a frog." At the long pause on the other end she rambled on. "But that isn't appropriate and they don't really look like anything but a peanut most of the time. Is it okay to call the baby that?" She was already worried about the gender reveal and the name she would be bestowing her baby with since she knew she wasn't very good at it. At this rate, she would have to ask Yanli to name her baby. Definitely not trusting Wei Wuxian's name sense when it was worse than hers. 

"Little Peanut is cute," her sister had replied quite diplomatically in her opinion.

Well, Jiang Cheng isn't technically alone as she shops for this month's meals. Recipes her sister sent her seemed doable and simple. 

She has gotten into the habit of talking to her belly, since her baby would react in slight motions (and she swears it's not indigestion even the doctor remarked on bonding with her baby!) so she asks Little Peanut about what they should eat tonight. Yanli's special meals require hours of prep work, and she wants to settle for something easier first.

Just following her cravings might settle the debate with her baby, too. 

"Ah, you want to eat that dish!" She lights up, quickly she moves her cart to the aisle stocked with noodles. Asian and even overseas brands fill the shelves though there's not as many of the latter, and she bites her lip. 

Does the shape even matter, she thinks, frustrated as she grabs two boxes and compares them, same brand just different size and texture. Wait, she needed spaghetti noodles, not these weirdly shaped ones!

"Ah, Miss."

Jiang Cheng startles, her perplexion over different brands and noodle types and shapes having stalled her.

Turning, she looks questionably at the man who called out to her. Brown eyes, almost red under the fluorescent lights and he had a passably good looking face if he also didn't look so pale and thin. And he wore baggy clothes, a hoodie and track pants, not making the effect any better. 

And it wasn't like she was in his way.

There was available space for him to push his cart through but he stared at her dumbly. And she doesn't recognize him, or even feel like she'd known him from anywhere else. 

"Yes?" She says shortly because he's gaping. And that's rude. 

"I- sorry," he squeaks out and ducks his head but he doesn't move. Instead he glances at her again through his bangs that have fallen over his eyes. 

"Do you want something?" She says frankly.

What's up with him?

Maybe because she's starting to show he's curious.

Maybe because she's alone and pregnant, he has something to say.

But he seems as bold as a mouse. 

"You're Jiang Cheng," the man blurts. "The heiress of the Jiang family! Why are you here?"

"Who are you to be asking me anything," she snaps, but only manages to hold onto her temper through her shock. 

"Sorry. Um. I'm Wen Ning."

"Wen Ning," she mutters.

"I'm Wen Qing's brother. You probably don't know me that well but I've seen you around."

"Oh."

Isn't this coincidence too great?

The Wens are old money, but had been disgraced because of a scandal involving Wen Ruohan's machinations behind the scenes. It had taken years of investigation but the authorities were finally able to prove he'd been behind many suspicious deaths concerning other clan heads. He has tried to seize their companies through actual crimes. But it was rumored that even his prison cell was padded well and he was able to live comfortably there too even as he was supposed to be given lifetime punishment. 

The money and connections he had didn't stop him from enjoying luxuries in a jail cell. The hugest maximum of security, too. 

Chilling, she thinks in contemplation. 

She hadn't put much thought on it before as horrifying as the news was when it was broadcasted on a national scale. 

Seeing Wen Ning earns her suspicion despite how harmless he seems. So easily spooked with his blatant anxiety. The Wens were on the down low now these days. 

"Are you here to stalk me?" She asks. Fear for her life isn't common, even as the Jiang heiress she was protected from anything extremely criminal because her mother came from a mafia background. 

And wasn't it hypocritical to find acts of violence terrifying when the Yu clan built their legacy on blood through assassination? But it's been decades. They're more legit now. Jiang Cheng chooses to believe anyway. 

It's the reputation that protects her. Now though she isn't an heiress. 

"No!" Wen Ning blushes. "I moved here recently, too, because I wanted to live peacefully and I started studying at the local college, but I work as a construction worker."

Did I ask all of that? She thinks with a sweat drop.

But she gives him a once over. Too thin, even though he's taller than what his height suggests right now since he's slouching. "Construction worker," she says dubiously then shakes her head. "Do you know what noodles are supposed to be used for pasta? I watched a show recently and it looked delicious."

"Oh! Yeah, what kind?" Wen Ning perks up. Now more earnest than timid. 

"That one with the white sauce and chicken, or was it shrimps? I don't really know. It was a cooking show, there were international dishes but hm, maybe traditional is better."

Wen Ning goggles at her. 

"What?"

"You...um Miss Jiang, you're not as- intimidating as you seem."

She scoffs. "I'm hungry."

"Hunger makes people angry," Wen Ning replies. A little smile on his face.

And huh.

What was going on?

But he helped her check the shelves, seriously reading over every package front and back intently, and his presence, as unexpected and out of left field as it is, eases her.

He even advises her to try out a different type of pasta, tomato based with basil. 

"Wei-xiong is my friend," Wen Ning admits shyly, scratching his cheek as he drops a box of noodles in her cart. "Like I said, you probably don't know me well, but I was that boy that tagged along with him in the cafeteria. I didn't have money so he shared his lunchbox with me. It was so spicy I almost preferred to starve instead but he was so kind."

"Usually, A-jie prepares our homemade lunches, but Wei Wuxian loves experimenting, and A-jie would actually put her foot down when it got out of hand. She was against adding certain ingredients that he wanted, like an unnecessary amount of Sichuan peppers," Jiang Cheng is wistful for a moment as she chuckles then she gives Wen Ning a proper examination. She thinks she would remember him if he was truly Wei Wuxian's friend, after all her brother was always trying to get them to be close to Jiang Cheng too since she lacked proper friends growing up. Her face was too frowny, or her status made her unapproachable.

"Oh. Didn't your cousin bully you with his lackeys? He stole all your pocket money almost everyday." 

Wen Ning chuckles in self-deprecation. "So, that's how Miss Jiang remembers me..."

"Sorry," Jiang Cheng says awkwardly yet sincerely. "A lot happened in high school. There was so much drama going on that I can only remember exciting bits."

If possible, Wen Ning wilts. Shit, what a terrible thing to say! 

"I meant- ugh, do you live nearby?" She asks, startling him. 

"Well, just fifteen minutes away at the condo building over there near the park."

"I live there too... Do you want to come over for dinner?" 

He had helped her out so she feels like she owes him and after having her sister and even her nosy brother in law over had made her meals more satisfying. 

Jiang Cheng isn't blindly trusting Wen Ning, but her instincts aren't alerting her to any danger and anyone that Wei Wuxian befriends is typically a good person even if they seem shady. 

Wen Ning isn't as annoying either once he's gained his confidence, he's soft spoken and patient.

Giving Lan Xichen a run for his money. 

Suddenly, her mood sours. "Forget it. Thank you," she says. 

"Wait, Miss Jiang!"

But she's already gone. 

~~~

It is a boring drive back home. Her grocery bags almost slips from her arms when she is abruptly approached again in the parking garage.  

"How did you find me?" Jiang Cheng snaps when she turns to see Wen Ning standing there, arms empty. So he hadn't bought anything. 

"I live here too," Wen Ning says anxiously. "I told you so."

"Where's your groceries?"

Quietly, he avoids eye contact, pushing his index fingers together as he hunches in on himself. It's so hard to imagine Wei Wuxian being friends with him yet her brother is also dating the most straight-laced reserved person on the planet. 

"Oh God." Jiang Cheng massages her temple. "Did you run after me?"

"Miss Jiang! There's some misunderstandings, I'm sure, but I'm also new to the area and have no friends and you seem rather lonely too, please consider using me!"

"Shout it to the whole world," Jiang Cheng mutters with an eye roll, a flush working its way across her cheeks, then she sighs. "Fine, help me prepare for dinner. Take my bags up, and any funny business and you're dead." 

Instead of cowing like she expected, Wen Ning beams, looking like the radiating sun.

And her heart melts. 

How cute.

Maybe her maternal instincts are already coming into play, although Wen Ning is only a year or so younger than her. 

(Or, at least she thinks.)

~~~

Being alone with a man doesn't concern Jiang Cheng. Not really. Wen Ning is unassuming and follows her orders like it's second nature. Wen Qing being his older sister might have something to do with how he defers to her with no complaints, almost expertly completing the tasks she issued him. 

She's also too busy trying to fix the sauce she made which was a thicker consistency than it was supposed to be. Looking up the cooking instructions online hadn't helped. It was all too much, but never one to give up, she stressfully- stubbornly stirs, trying to get rid of the glue texture, hoping for a miracle remedy to happen through sheer preservance. The cooking gods will take pity on her surely. She's pregnant and hungry. Please. 

"Miss Jiang-"

"Jiang Cheng," she automatically corrects, frowning heavily as the sauce only gets...crispier? It's liquid, what the fuck?

"Ah, Jiang Cheng, I think you accidentally made a batter mixture with all the other sauces and spices you added. The flour wasn't necessary either." 

"Read the ingredients on the sauce bottle. It definitely can't be tasty being that plain, so I decided to make my own, it even says to adjust according to taste. Well, I want stir fried pasta noodles, made with this white sauce," she says, wiping a brow with the back of her head. The steaming from the pot and pan on the stove causing perspiration to dot on her skin. 

"..."

"Spit it out, or go sit down, I might just make ramen. Damn thirty minutes my ass. This pasta dish is a hoax."

Wen Ning makes a noise. After it seems like he can't hold back anymore he laughs. She looks over, dumbfounded. 

"Are you laughing at me?" The threat is weak in her voice. The whole entire situation isn't even the most taxing ordeal in her life. Arguing with older dignified men her whole life had been more distressing than this and yet-

"You're really Wei-xiong's sister! Sorry. Even if you're not blood related...the family resemblance is there." It's the first time anyone's ever said that about her, and usually she hated being compared to Wei Wuxian because it was a critique by her father and bitterness from her mother. 

But Wen Ning seems in awe of her. 

"Hmph. Help me fix this," she says, softening. She's hungry as hell but that only makes her tired. 

"Adding the cooked sauce onto the boiled noodles and stirring it would have gotten the desired outcome," Wen Ning says after ten minutes of nothing changing. He had checked the instructions again online with a frown marring his forehead. 

"Fuck. I think I mixed up two different recipes. Sorry, dinner might just be plain ramen instead of anything fancy."

"It's alright. I can cook the ramen for us!" Wen Ning says earnestly. Jiang Cheng looks at him then at the mess in her kitchen. Useless, she thinks, how did anyone ever rely on her before? Are instant recipes all she's capable of? Tears sting in her eyes.

"Don't cry, Miss Jiang!" Wen Ning panics. "I'll clean up, let me help out. Don't worry about it, I'm just glad that we're able to share a meal together. I haven't eaten with anyone, but my classmates. But they're always going to clubs." 

"Ugh, this is ridiculous. I wanted to eat pasta so bad," she sniffles, wiping her face. How many times has seen cried this month? And she would sooner like to forget about her inadequacies as soon as possible. 

"I'll cook it for you," Wen Ning says solemnly. A serious look on his face. "Tomorrow, I'll bring some over. I promise." 

And well, Jiang Cheng is starting to see why Wei Wuxian was so fond of Wen Ning. 

~~~

"Do you like me?" Lan Xichen asks. 

Jiang Cheng shakes her head, avoiding his gaze, so sure he can perceive the lie.

Even if she wanted to be strangers even if that's what they are now when they've barely interacted anymore, it is hard to pretend like he wasn't the Xichen-ge who carried her when she scraped her knee after running around too much, she'd cry and he'd comfort- the Xichen-ge who stayed with her after school when her parents came too late to pick her up, the Xichen-ge that made her heart thump, so maddeningly she wanted to take these feelings before they erupted and carve them out.

But where would she put them?

Inside her journal where she drew hearts, or boldly pass them onto Xichen-ge who's so nice and wouldn't be harsh even if he rejected her confession. 

But sometimes she looked at him, saw his doting smile and then felt his tender care and thought-

Would he like me back?

But she was fourteen by the time she was aware of this. 

And he was already worlds away, prepared to leave her behind with his future planned out, while she will have to follow after waiting to graduate. 

Even in their academy uniforms, they were grades apart. Her skirts above her knees and still she wore stockings, and a purple bow in her braided hair, trying to appear cute; before this was an attire she put on without feeling self-conscious because every girl in attendance wore this uniform, though more confident ones personalized their outfits a bit, adding some buttons and even styling their hair all pretty and while it was against the rules to go overboard some had natural makeup on, following the latest trends.

And for the first time, Jiang Cheng had wanted to fit in, to even catch Lan Xichen's interest, but he never commented on the changes, never noticed and she pouted, crestfallen. But as the campus Heartthrob Prince he was crowded and hounded by admirers, even when he'd stood with Jiang Cheng after school when the campus was mostly empty besides the stragglers. 

They always found him. His fanclub. 

"My Uncle Jiang's daughter," he'd introduce to the curious crowd, seeing as he stood with a girl they didn't know, their sharp eyes picking her apart, judging if she's worthy of even breathing the same air as their idol.

He'd smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm in charge of her safety for now."

My Uncle Jiang's daughter. 

Well, okay. 

Not even a friend.

But that's stupid.

She's younger than him, an obligation. What could even happen between someone like her and him anyway even if they could have a sweet childhood romance like Yanli and Jin Zixuan though there was drama there, too, there was no promise between them. Her mother had known Madam Jin, that's why Yanli and Zixuan were forced onto playdates together yet naturally they fell in love. 

Xichen was watching over a bratty little girl. One who was spoiled and distracted him too much, all because his own uncle had told him to, and he felt a sense of responsibility because of their family connections. Lan Qiren was the closest her father had to a friend, but her father never saw it necessary to match up his children with anyone. He hadn't even liked his mother's meddling in these affairs. It took away their freedom of choice. Perhaps, he looked at his own marriage and wanted to spare his children that outcome. 

And Jiang Cheng should have felt grateful. But she wished selfishly...

Selfishly. 

Secretly. 

That Lan Xichen would treat her like those male leads in dramas. Like Jin Zixuan treated her sister.

Just-

How embarrassing was she?

"Do you dislike me?" What a deviation from the script. 

Still, Jiang Cheng shakes her head, staring into her glass of champagne. She'd gone to him, because she's always been drawn to his warmth, his aura was blinding yet comforting. In a room full of other men, he was still the only one she deigned to spare her time on. 

Xichen-ge, she wanted to say. Instead: "Lan Xichen, why don't you smile a little less?"

"Do you dislike it?" 

"I dislike pretenders. It makes my skin crawl. I prefer people like Nie Mingjue."

The man's booming voice reached them on cue from where he was talking to other directors of businesses and she smiled as she sipped her champagne. 

"Do you like Da-ge then?" Lan Xichen is closer. His cologne of familiar sandalwood that he seemed to always wear, since they were teenagers, had her in a chokehold, on instinct she almost leaned in, wanting to press her face against his firm chest, to inhale deeply, but managed to stop herself, because it would be creepy. She came to him, walked over to him, but she hadn't breached any boundaries. She'd kept a safe distance. She always did. 

Only then did Jiang Cheng stare at him head on. She wasn't afraid. She wasn't. And Lan Xichen was so close if she looked anywhere else it would seem as if she was.

And she noticed, again, that his smile didn't reach his eyes. 

It reminded her of those days when he would stay with her pass school hours. His smile fixed before it became strained. 

Her parents had arrived too late and she was a burden on him. 

"Don't stay with me anymore," she had the courage to say one day. Hands gripping the straps of her backpack as she glared at the ground. "Xichen-ge, I'm not a helpless kid anymore, I don't need you to watch me, okay." 

If she was rude, it was because she didn't know how to chase him away. 

And it worked. 

He smiled.

It didn't reach his eyes. 

"If A-Cheng says so. Since you're grown now...Xichen-ge will leave you alone."

That's not- 

Whatever. 

The ringing of the doorbell was abrupt, and rather loud in her apartment, and completely jarring. 

Groggily, she opens her eyes, wiping her face from the tears that leaked out with her sleeve. Then her nose twitched as a scent of freshly cooked noodles filled her senses. 

The bowls of noodles set the table are still steaming but she'd fallen asleep waiting for Wen Ning to cook the ramen. The noises became background as he worked diligently, chopping up vegetables and meat, and it was like falling asleep to a television show left on. 

The ramen looked divine and mouthwatering. Wen Ning made an instant recipe appear sophisticated, almost from a restaurant in it's plating and colorful presentation. The green onions and beansprouts on top of soaked noodles and beef that cooked in the broth...

Climbing down from the couch, she takes a seat on the cushion set next to the coffee table. Her hands reach for the chopsticks before she recalls the doorbell had rung. 

The reason she woke up in the first place. 

"Wen Ning!" She calls out because the man is conspicuously absent. Sighing, and forlornly gazing at her noodles she stands back up and walks over to the front door, the corridor leading there is hidden from the kitchen wall.

"Wen Ning, just ignore it," she says belatedly. It could have been one of those door to door salesmen since she hardly had any visitors. 

But the door is already opened.

Wen Ning is stock still when she walks up behind him with a yawn. 

"Lan W-wangji is here," Wen Ning turns his head slightly to tell her, sounding confused and shaken.

Well, the confused one is her.

Lan Wangji should be with her brother across the world!

And he has no reason to show up here at all.

Unless Wei Wuxian dragged him over or the man wanted to give Jiang Cheng a piece of his mind for abandoning his brother although it didn't happen that way at all.

"Lan Wangji," Jiang Cheng says, peering around Wen Ning's arm to see better for herself.

And she understands why he made that mistake. 

They brothers are not called the Twin Jades for no reason. 

But Jiang Cheng used to think it was stupid. Lan Wangji, who she barely knew despite spending time with his brother, was more quiet in his demeanor, his expressions were minute. His eyes seemed cold, and didn't have the glow that Lan Xichen's did. Even if Lan Xichen faked his emotions, his face was never set apathetically. 

Yet the man standing on her doorstep looks exactly like Lan Wangji. 

The smile lines barely noticeable, and his eyes are muted, a darker color. 

"Lan Xichen," Jiang Cheng says faintly, her heart almost giving out. 

"Ah! It's you! Not Lan Wangji," Wen Ning says, sounding relieved and she wants to shove him outside as a sacrifice because what the hell? How can he be relieved at a time like this?

There's a wolf at the door!

Oh. 

Wait. 

Wen Ning doesn't know.

He didn't even seem to realize Jiang Cheng was pregnant since he made no comment on that either unless he was just being extremely polite. 

"Jiang Cheng," Lan Xichen says with a tight smile, ignoring Wen Ning's existence entirely. "May I come inside, please?"

Do you like me?

Do you like me?

Do you like me?

"No!" She snaps and reaches out, body pressed closely to Wen Ning who squeaks at the contact between her chest and his back and Lan Xichen's eyes sharpern, jaw clenched, but her hand wraps around the doorknob clumsily but forcefully she shuts the door in Lan Xichen's face. 

And locks up.  

Bolting the door, heart thundering the whole time. 

Fuck. 

Fuck you, Lan Wangji! She thinks, breathing harshly, back pressed to the door. Positive that he's the reason why his brother is here.

But how did he find the location?

And Wei Wuxian, you were supposed to come over and beat Lan Xichen's ass!

Chapter Text

Lan Xichen waits outside. 

He waits for a long, long while. 

Jiang Cheng knows this because she checks the peephole every five minutes, frantically pacing around when she realizes he's not leaving. For some reason, he stubbornly wants to talk to her.

For some reason, she scoffs at herself.

It's because he knows. Of course he knows. Why else would he be here?

Wen Ning still hasn't left either and it's getting late. The sky has darkened kind of late and natural sunlight isn't filtering through the windows anymore so the apartment is casted in shadows. But the kitchen lights are on and her ramen is cold. 

Shit, her ramen!

She rushes over, as much as she can with her pregnant belly and her sore feet and settles down to eat.

"Ah, it's actually cold," she complains after sipping some of the leftover broth, despite being aware beforehand. 

Wen Ning comes over to pick up the bowls, his hands steady enough for them to rest on his palms without spilling. "I'll warm our dinner up, Miss Jiang but...do you want me to...chase Lan Xichen away?" He asks guilelessly. Long lashes fluttering.

Jiang Cheng stares. 

"I know I'm not much to look at," Wen Ning says. "But I'm pretty strong too. I have the highest record for the arm throw. Even Lan Wangji couldn't beat me." It seems to be a point of pride for him as he appears as smug as a cat and even huffing from flared nostrils. 

"You and Lan Wangji must be rivals," she says, amused. Even though, Lan Xichen is outside, she's safe and comfortable here.

But Lan Xichen is outside and he's not leaving.

She sighs. "Thank you, Wen Ning, I'll talk to him. You can leave if you want."

"I want to stay for a bit if that's not too much trouble. In fact, I want to eat, I'm hungry," Wen Ning says sheepisly as he goes over to the microwave.

No wonder Wei Wuxian is his friend, Jiang Cheng starts to realize. The man was a little weird too.

Fortifying herself by trying to stitch back together pieces of Heiress Jiang, she eventually stands up, and waddles a little before walking to the door.

She looks through the peephole again. 

Lan Xichen is still there.

His head is lowered as he stares at the ground and his hands are on his hips, and the longer the looks, she realizes that he isn't dressed as CEO Lan, he doesn't have on his bespoke suit and expensive tie, nor is his hair coiffed by gel, with some strands falling over his forehead, instead his hair is loose, rather untamed, curling over his ear and nape and the white t-shirt he wears stretches over his chiseled and broad frame, but his dark jeans show off his tapered waist.

Ah! She blushes when he looks up. Seeming to make eye contact but he's only staring at the door. 

"Jiang Cheng," he says. Not pleading. Just a matter of fact. "I can see your shadow underneath the door."

"..."

If he intends to embarrass her then she'll just leave him out here forever!

Eventually he'll go away anyway, it's not like he has an unlimited amount of patience but startling her, he knocks his forehead against the peephole, and breathes out. 

"I can talk to you like this," he says, taking the decision out of her hands and she's stuck wondering what to think when she can only see the top of his head. Can he move back? Her voice won't cooperate with her though even when she'd been speaking with Wen Ning a moment ago, it's like her will to speak has vanished.

Why is it Lan Xichen who makes her this way?

She's reverted to someone timid.

Her fingers wring together as she just waits. Lan Xichen exhales. His breath seems close despite the barrier between them. 

"I'm sorry," Lan Xichen says. "If I shamed you in any way, and that's the reason why you quit. I didn't want to think too highly of myself so I assumed your absence had nothing to do with me, but I still worried but your father said- well, he wouldn't tell me anything," there's a bitter chuckle. "Maybe he would have in the past, but now he hates me. No one knew anything and I searched but found that you disappeared completely- I-"

His voice thickens and he seems to choke back some words as he clears his throat and his hand comes up to ring the doorbell. 

"..."

"There are some things I want to say to your face, but if you're not ready, then I'll give you some time." He's giving her a choice now even though he confronted her, but he knows her. 

Jiang Cheng had known the boy that Lan Xichen had been and the same goes for Lan Xichen, too. He knows the girl Jiang Cheng had been.

Her chest expands, and the breath in her lungs rattles. Without thinking too deeply, she instinctively unbolts the door and unlocks the knob before twisting it open. She takes a step back and back as the door opens more and more as Lan Xichen enters, slowly he looks over the edge to peer at her. 

His eyes seem a little red but he smiles at her, small and wobbly. "Hello," he says. 

"Hello," Jiang Cheng says awkwardly, hands fidgeting by her sides, and she takes another step back without taking her eyes off of him. 

This is Lan Xichen. 

The Lan Xichen who smiled at her. 

"Can I come inside?" He asks despite already being a foot through the door.

But she nods as she tightly swallows. 

He smiles a little wider, but she can't discern if it's genuine before he shuts the door behind him, and even locks it up.

Bolting the door shut even. 

"You need a security system," he says abruptly, focused on the door suddenly like he can't look at her as his body is angled away. 

Maybe she's too ugly now.

She bites her lip, and tries not to cry. She's had enough of that but her hormones make her ultra sensitive and she's always been sensitive in the first place.  "Xichen," she says and is mortified to hear the longing and pain in her own voice and her brows furrow heavily as she fights back tears. "Are you so free of time now?" 

She can't even be as sharp tongued as she likes, it sounds so weak, so futile. Her armor had been stripped away since the moment he smiled at her. How can she be mean to him? 

Lan Xichen chuckles though, and braces his hand on the wall, not entirely looking at her. "I think as the CEO I can take as many days off as I want since I'm the boss."

She snorts. "How humble."

He looks at her from the corner of his eye with his head tilted and even that is impactful because he's so stupidly good looking, and his gaze is that intense. And there's a smile tucked on the corner of his mouth. 

Her heart thumps when she doesn't want it to but she blames her hormones. She's had urges. She's had desires. She's severely pent up so it's not really the man himself, just that he's someone that she's been intimate with, as evident as that is, but- 

"Miss Jiang," Wen Ning calls out in a singsong. "The noodles are done. I decided to heat up some new broth in the pot since the microwave would make the noodles all soggy." He hums airily, and comfortably as if he was never skittish.

Lan Xichen tenses. Jiang Cheng tenses on reflex just watching him but Wen Ning walks up behind her carelessly, and stares at the other man. 

"Are you staying for dinner too? I made a new batch so there should be enough."

Jaw clenched, Lan Xichen stares. 

"Ah? Sorry," Wen Ning squeaks out and scurries back to the living room.

Jiang Cheng huffs, shoulders relaxed as the tension has been shattered. 

"He's been here for a day but it feels like forever," she says, but with some fondness. He really had that patented can't read the atmosphere for shit down pat as Wei Wuxian does too. "I'm going to eat," she declares, since she's hungry and needs to feed her baby too.

She turns.

Lan Xichen is suddenly there by her side in a few strides and her eyes widen as his proximity, that damn cologne he wears infiltrating her senses and the heat of his body floods her awareness. 

"If you don't mind my company," he says rather formally, "then I would also like to join and I want to have a conversation."

Jiang Cheng doesn't like that he's back to that refrain, the way he speaks as if they're conducting business but she accepts it with only a roll of her eyes. 

~~~

The bowl is empty within moments. 

Jiang Cheng has never thought ramen could taste so good as they're processed but she doesn't mind that now.

It's the most delicious thing ever. 

"So," Lan Xichen says, hardly touching his food as his chopsticks jab at the noodles. "You are here because you work as a construction worker, is that correct?"

"Mmhmmm!" Wen Ning slurps his own noodles down but his eyes are wide on his pale face as he looks back at Lan Xichen. 

"That is revolting," Lan Xichen says rather coldly and somewhat similar to his uncle. "You chew and swallow before talking."

"You asked him a question," Jiang Cheng points out, a little confused but protective of her new friend. She wouldn't have gotten to eaten dinner without Wen Ning's help after all. And she grabs a napkin to wipe her face since she's sure she looks like a slob. No reason to have that derision directed at her or for Lan Xichen's judgemental eyes to find her lacking. Then she tosses down her bunched up napkin a little aggressively, annoyed that she even cares. 

Plus, he already thought she was ugly. Why else would he avoid looking at her? And instead of talking like he wanted, he fixated on Wen Ning to play 20 questions with though it seemed more like an interrogation.  

Lan Xichen falters. He looks down. Then back up at her in some determination. "Did you know he's one year older than you?"

"..."

Really now? 

"So?" Jiang Cheng says even if she didn't know what did this really change? But she glances over at Wen Ning. So he can't be considered her didi anymore. She had wanted to tell him to call her jie. What a loss. She scowls. 

"So," Lan Xichen says, arms muscles wounded tight as he stretches them out on the table to make his point. "I don't think you should feel responsible for him."

"Responsible? He's the one who saw me and decided to be a good samaritan, do you think we would be eating right now if it wasn't for him?" She asks.

What was his problem? She isn't naive. 

"He's part of the Wen family," Lan Xichen adds, a muscle jumping in his jaw. "He's not as innocent as he looks."

"I think it's rude that you're talking about him like he's not here," she bites out. A little taken aback by his attitude. Even when he dislikes someone wasn't he professional or perhaps it's because he's no longer working he thinks he can act this way. Especially towards Wen Ning. 

Wen Ning lifts his head from where it'd been ducked into his bowl, and his eyes dart between them like he's watching a tennis match, and his fingers have come back to anxiously push against one another. "I can go, but I'm Wei Wuxian's friend too, you can call him to ask, he wouldn't let any bad people around his sister and Miss Jiang...thank you for trusting me," he says solemnly.

"You're also my friend," Jiang Cheng says firmly. "And you're welcome here anytime." She attempts to smile at him, and tentatively he smiles back and he stands back up on his feet. 

"Thank you, Miss Jiang," he says. 

"Jiang Cheng," she corrects but Wen Ning only smiles bashfully before leaving. The door unlocking mechanism takes seconds for him to undo before the door shuts behind him. 

Then it's just awkward. 

Lan Xichen is staring at her. Not once looking away. 

"Couldn't you have been nicer to him?" She says to fill the silence and she stacks her bowl and Wen Ning's and goes to stand up. 

"Aren't you a little too relaxed around a man you just met today?" He asks back.

She rinses the bowls in the sink before placing them in the dishwasher and she takes her time drying her hands with a paper towel to think of a response. She's too tired to argue.

Lan Xichen exhales. He stands up without his full bowl and sets it on the small island that divides the kitchen from the common area. And just stares at her. Whatever he wants to say isn't coming anytime soon if he's waiting to elicit a reaction from her. 

Silence pends between them as they wait it out and as she grows restless she takes his bowl from him and dumps it out and washes it up and her nose scrunches at the waste but he's obviously not going to eat it. 

"I didn't just meet him today," she gives in once her hands are dried again. "He also attended the Cloud Recesses. We were sitting at the same lunch table most of the time. Now I remember more. He's always so quiet and hid his face in his long hair but I can see that he's gained some confidence." She doesn't know why she says all of this, maybe the silence is eating away at her or Lan Xichen is just too good when he uses his tactics. All he has to do is stare a certain way and someone would start blubbering out their secrets. 

And she hates that he's staring at her right now. Hates that she isn't all primed up and proper with her hair all set nicely and her clothes not ratty even if she hadn't minded before now he has more flaws to pick out. The sloppy way her hair is put up in a loose careless bun, and her pastel purple sweater has so many threads that come off because she wears this one too much, it's too comfortable and her capri leggings that show off how plump she's gotten. She's really gotten used to it and didn't really care how people stared at her. 

But Lan Xichen is staring at her. 

And she cares. 

"I remember him, too," Lan Xichen says and his tone. It's all weird. She has never heard him so rattled. Not once has he lost his composure. "You would wait outside and he would stand there looking at you from afar."

"..."

"Just because he's your brother's friend doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for you."

"That was so long ago," she says weakly but she's sure. She's learned to observe people too, no man has ever taken advantage of her or got the upperhand unless she allowed them to. Wen Ning isn't romantically interested in her. "And is that something to bring up? I mean, it was harmless."

"Harmless?" Lan Xichen repeats like there's another meaning for the word he can't grasp. 

She nods. "Yeah. We were teenagers. It was a stupid crush so what."

She doesn't understand why they're even talking about this with such heavy weight or why Lan Xichen thinks it holds some significance that she's too blind to see. There are other things they should be discussing. For instance, she's pregnant and he's here. 

He's here because of that. 

He's here because someone told him. And it had to be Lan Wangji.

When she looks him directly in the eyes, she can see that he's inwardly thinking something complicated through as his brows pinch and lips twist, but she isn't kind enough to offer him any time. 

"Did Lan Wangji tell you?" She asks, crossing her arms. She wanted to be mad at somebody. She wanted to feel her temper rise instead of being so insecure. It was Lan Xichen who made her feel young and foolish.

"Tell me what?" Lan Xichen says absentmindedly, fingers drumming on the countertop. 

"Where I live," she says. And I'm pregnant. Say something about that!

Look at me!

"Wangji didn't tell me anything," Lan Xichen says to her surprise, finally looking at her but he seems ashamed. His eyes darting away before focusing on her again and he won't face her fully. His head tilted again. "My brother's loyalties are more to Wei Wuxian. I don't feel betrayed by this since I can understand the sentiment." But he suddenly looks frustrated, like perhaps he did feel betrayed and perhaps he did argue with his brother about it. 

"Oh," she says, unsure. There's a lot she needs to catch up on but she demands, "Then who?"

Looking at her square in the face, Lan Xichen drops a bombshell, "Jin Zixuan."

"...did you say Jin Zixuan? As in my brother in law Jin Zixuan? As in my sister will know about this you fucking peacock, Jin Zixuan?" She asks, voice raising with every sentence. Unbelievable. Fucking unbelievable. He talked a whole lot and couldn't even keep a secret!

He truly was the weakest link. Even Lan Wangji wouldn't tell his own brother!

A smile passes over Lan Xichen's face with a flicker of amusement in his eyes. "Don't be mad at him, it wasn't really his fault," he says. "Jin Zixuan would never want to be on Miss Jin's bad side."

"Well, I don't see how telling you the location of my condo is going to save him," she says blandly, but she shakes her head. "Isn't there something important you need to say?"

She'll deal with Jin Zixuan later. 

Lan Xichen cards a hand through his hair, mussing it up more, and the strands are sticking up in old places like he just woke up from sleeping but he doesn't care. His appearance isn't superficial unless he needed to use his cards, and even now she feels stirrings of an attraction deep in her gut, but it was inappropriate. The timing and the situation. And a lot has been unaddressed. 

"Jiang Cheng," he says, bites his lips. "Are you pregnant?"

"...yeah," she says, heart beating a little faster. It's obvious, and he'd known since he laid eyes on her but he seems as if he wants to lead himself up to a certain point. Like he's mentally psyching himself up. 

He doesn't look at her after all.

His gaze fixated a little to the left of her on a random focal point and his shoulders are so tense, and rigid. And then he says, in the most strangled voice ever, "Do you want to marry me?"

It's a marriage proposal and Jiang Cheng's heart breaks.

Her ribcage caves in and her heart pierces with throbbing agony. 

She looks down. 

How many times has she imagined this with her heads up in the clouds? A little girl playfully planning her future with romantic notions. The wedding she would have was generic but as a little girl she dreamed of gowns and suits and Lan Xichen and the aisle, and she dreamed of candy rings in place of real diamonds and mostly those fantasies were sweeter than reality. 

So it isn't surprising. 

It hurts though. That he looks so forced. 

if she was younger, she would have been happy regardless. If she was more naive she would have said yes. 

When you liked someone so much wouldn't you have taken anything they've given you? 

Even scraps?

No. 

She knows how this will turn out. She's seen it with her parents. She doesn't know if they were always spiteful towards one another, but she knows that Lan Xichen will inevitably come to despise her overtime. 

He'll feel trapped. And that's not her intention. 

If he wants to take responsibility then he can be a father. There's no need to tie them together when separated parents could also raise their children. 

They just need to talk more about that. Instead of planning for weddings, they should talk about how they're going to split custody, though Jiang Cheng will fight for her baby.

She places her hand around her bump, and swallows. Lan Xichen still isn't looking at her. Maybe because he can't mask whatever emotions he wishes to hide. That's enough to give her more of a resolve. 

"No," she says, her voice assured and fortunately not cracking.  Lan Xichen jolts, and he looks back at her but his expression is fake. 

The smile that doesn't reach his eyes. 

And Jiang Cheng was also an heiress so she keeps her own face set neutrally. 

"I want to be part of the baby's life as much as possible," Lan Xichen says, with that smile. And he adds, almost imploringly, "I have to be there for you, too, in order to do that."

"Okay," Jiang Cheng says stiffly. "You can. We can work this out." 

Lan Xichen nods. "You're tired so I'll leave you to rest up, and I'll see you again," it's a promise but he's speaking professionally. 

She nods back, jaw set. 

And he walks slowly to the door, and pauses for a long time. "Tomorrow, I'll have someone come over to install a security system." 

"You can't just-"

"I want you safe...since you're carrying my baby," Lan Xichen says over her, in that tone of finality and she's dazed.  

She can only watch as he nods briskly and walks out, door shutting behind him with a click. 

~~~

"I want to marry Xichen-ge!" ten year old Jiang Cheng declares happily at the dining table, and she's shoveling food into her mouth afterwards as her parents both look at her. 

Wei Wuxian says first, "Xichen-ge? Eh, why him? Why can't you marry me instead?" 

"You're my brother," she reminds him even though she knows he usually wants to be everything to her so no one can replace him. He takes the duties of older brother seriously. 

"That Xichen-ge isn't as fun as me," Wei Wuxian stubbornly says. "All he does is read books."

"I like him," Jiang Cheng says simply and happily. "He's so nice to me and gives me candy and piggyback rides." 

"You shouldn't bother him so much," her father says, sounding tired and he looks at her table manners and frowns. "Sit up straight, elbows off the table and don't speak unless your mouth is empty."

Jiang Cheng nods glumly and tries to follow his instructions. She's still learning so sometimes she forgets. 

But that's not the only time she declares this, only the first but one time her father laughs and her mother is silent and tensed, acting removed from the situation. 

"Your Xichen-ge will marry a girl that's quiet and behaved and sweet which is the opposite of you," her father says. Not snidely or meanly but his amusement might as well been the cruelest thing because he shakes his head dismissively after her face falls. 

She isn't any of those things. But she can try. She's still learning. She's only ten. 

Her sister frowns. She looks at their father with furrowed brows and at their mother but Yu Ziyuan simply lifts a glass of wine to sip out of, looking like she hasn't heard anything. 

"I told you he was boring," Wei Wuxian says, as if those words were faulting Lan Xichen instead of her. 

Jiang Yanli however has a look in her eye that's almost rageful as quiet as she is. "A-Cheng," she says sharply, causing everyone to grow quiet and her parents to look at her together. "Come here, A-Jie will help you with your homework."

"Dinner isn't finished," their father sounds confused but Jiang Yanli ignores him, takes her sister's hand but stops before they leave the dining room, only to shoot a look of disappointment at her parents.

Wei Wuxian had sensed the mood isn't right even though he doesn't understand but seeing that his older sister is up, he also stands up and seeing that his little sister is sad he goes over to wrap an arm around her protectively. 

And Jiang Cheng doesn't understand either but her heart hurts and her father's laugh haunts her whenever she tries to think of marrying Xichen-ge again. 

Later in bed after washing up, Jiang Cheng cries. 

It isn't the crying she'd done from her hormones, the bravado way she shed tears over little setbacks but rather a heartwrenching sob that tears her chest apart as she curls on her side. 

If she wanted this outcome she would have told him from the beginning. But she knew. 

The kind of marriage proposal she wanted would never happen. There would be no love, no sweetness and no joy. 

It's so suffocating. 

She claws at her heart wanting to rip it out and crush it viciously so she can stop feeling this way all the time. Year after year, even when she's hardened herself, something would hurt her and the wound would fester and open up all her other aches from the past. 

If only she can move on. 

If only she can forget. 

She cries, pressing her face in her pillow and wishing there was a world where someone loved her and chose her first. 

Despite her many flaws making her so unlikable, so unlovable.

~~~

The security system gets installed on a Saturday afternoon and Jiang Cheng sits on her couch watching TV, but the plot of the random drama she has on eludes her. 

Her eyes are still puffy from crying and thankfully the maintenance guy Lan Xichen hired doesn't ask questions or try to make conversation. He's here and then gone after completing his task and only says a farewell. Like a zombie she sits there.

Then her doorbell rings when an hour passes by. 

She sighs heavily and gets up to unlock the door. 

Her stupid brother in law is looking at her. Shame flaming red on his face as his lips purse. 

"Come inside," Jiang Cheng doesn't have the energy to tear into him and she's pretty sure her sister has already gotten revenge for her.

By Jin Zixuan's legs however, peeks out Jin Ling who'd been hiding behind his father, always shy the first five minutes before becoming bold.

And despite everything, she smiles as affection swells in her chest.

"A-Ling, you're so big now!"

His face turns red but he smiles back. "Yiyi, you're big too!" 

Jiang Cheng laughs as Jin Zixuan sputters. "A-Ling, you can't say that."

"I am, aren't I?" She teases. Jin Ling nods very seriously like he's answeing a very important question on an exam, and he enters her apartment to hug her, though he's curious about her baby bump, resting his ear there. 

"Why doesn't my cousin talk to me?" He pouts.

Jin Zixuan sighs in resignation. "The baby isn't born yet, A-Ling, you have to wait- uh, a few more months." 

"I want my little cousin to be a boy," Jin Ling demands. 

"What's wrong with a girl?" Jiang Cheng asks, though she knows Jin Ling is a child who sees the world in absoluteness to himself. She ruffles his hair and leads him further inside and Jin Zixuan follows suit. 

"Girls are icky," Jin Ling says with a scrunch of his nose. "But not A-Niang, or you. Only girls my size."

"Oh?"

Jin Ling nods with a scowl that's similar to his father's. "They want to kiss me all the time with their cooties. Did you know?"

There's a dignified huff that's remarkable for a six year old. 

"I didn't know," she says with wide eyes. Then she plants a sloppy kiss on his forehead with a loud smacking sound. 

He squawks, covering his face as he glares at her.

She laughs.

She hasn't laughed so much in forever. 

"You're bullying my son," Jin Zixuan says, but he's looking over the system box that's rather out of place in her condo since it's so high tech. An impressed hum leaves his lips. And he turns back to her with crossed arms. "When did you get this?"

"Today," she says as she switches the channel for a fun cartoon for Jin Ling to watch as he settles on the couch, claiming the corner and pulling a pillow over his lap, and only stops when he excitedly tells her to. And it's some trendy anime that's action packed.

"Where's my sister?" She asks. 

"My wife," Jin Zixuan has to say instead of being normal and he even has that proud look on his face before he slumps, and rubs the back of his head. "She's busy at the restaurant these days, taking on too many shifts at odd hours. Only sparing time for our son."

Jiang Cheng doesn't like that her sister is overworking herself just to avoid her own husband but her sister also has a soft heart for those she loves so being stern is something she can only be briefly.

"I'll talk to her," she says, worried. 

"Thank you," Jin Zixuan says stiffly and starts shifting restlessly on the spot because he's guilt-ridden and his eyes that are usually so cutting and able to pierce into people are unable to look at her. Where is the CEO of Lanling Co she wants to ask.

After his father had gotten sick, he had become the CEO prematurely and even had to fight for his position from the board of older chairmen and shareholders who wanted to install themselves over the twenty year old greenhorn. 

Jiang Cheng only knows so much because those were the months her sister cried the most. Jin Zixuan had brushed her off repeatedly and given her a lot of silent treatment instead of just telling her the truth, leading her to misunderstand everything. That he was working hard and didn't trust anyone and knew they would use her against him, so he was protecting her.

"Why did you tell him?" She asks quietly. Having this conversation where Jin Ling is probably is in poor taste but her nephew is rather entranced by the TV screen, and ignores the adults around him. 

Jin Zixuan sighs again. He walks over and gets on his knee near the arm rest and leans over it to talk to her quietly, supplicating himself.

"Won't you give him a chance?" He asks, brows soft and eyes wide and pleading, trying to emulate his own son whenever he begs for something. But he isn't as cute so she's unmoved and this is a grown ass man.

"Who are you?" She asks. "Where's the Jin Zixuan who said Lan Xichen is evil and was plotting world domination so I should avoid him forever and ever? How did you change your mind so quickly?" 

"I...look," Jin Zixuan says sheepishly. "I owed him a favor that's why I told him where you were, I didn't expect him to call it in for that, and I still think he's those things, but isn't he also pitiful?" 

"..." What the fuck? It's crazy how men flock together in some brotherhood of faith just because they breathe the same air. Wei Wuxian would never have turned on her for anything.

She closes her eyes and counts to ten in her head because she doesn't want to be angry. She doesn't want to be upset and she hates having those negative emotions around children especially her nephew. She refuses to be her parents. 

So she simply exhales and shakes her head. 

But Jin Zixuan is persistent. "I wouldn't have told him if I wasn't so certain of his sincerity. I'm also someone who knows the intentions of people after speaking to them. Lan Xichen is still a heartless fiend, but that's when it concerns business, but Lan Xichen the person...he's good." Jiang Cheng can't help but stare at Jin Zixuan. After all, he's right, he does have the ability to discern people, too, ever since he was young, he'd grown up in a split household like Jiang Cheng, his parents weren't really together and his father had several mistresses. 

Jin Zixuan is someone she has a deep kinship with even if she can't stand him sometimes. Because he's a reflection of her, but an accomplished man. He gets the reigns of his family's company and is happily married. 

"I know," Jiang Cheng says, a little choked up.

How can she not know Lan Xichen is good even if they're practically strangers now?

He felt responsible for her and even tracked her down to make sure she was alright and had an unexpected surprise that made him decide marriage was the best solution. 

"You're scared," Jin Zixuan says in some realization, and it's belated because when has she ever been brave. 

"I've always been scared," she admits.

She's lied to herself for years, allowed her parents to dictate her life and only left because she was essentially running away from the one man she wanted to avoid. And she's stuck in this situation she created and she doesn't regret her choices, but she probably made everything harder on herself by not reaching out for help from the very beginning. As she isolated herself and believed herself tough enough to go through everything alone. 

"I love my baby, Jin Zixuan," she says, eyes dry because she has no more tears but her voice is watery. "I want to raise my child fairly, I want to be a good mom, I want them to grow up loved and well provided more and I never want them to doubt my love for them, ever, but I know I'm..." she's unable to be those things, she's not like her sister. Even if she worked hard and was attentive, wasn't she too much like her mother in some instances? It scares her. 

"What if Lan Xichen is the one who can do those things better than me?" She asks.

Awkwardly, Jin Zixuan pats her hand in some consolation and he even grimaces at the gesture but his gaze is unwaveringly kind. But whatever he wants to say is interrupted by Jin Ling who hugs her from the side.

"Yiyi, don't be sad." He rubs her belly like he's soothing her and the baby and she doesn't know how to handle the wave of emotion that washes over her, the intensity of her love. 

How much did Jin Ling overhear and understand? He's so young but instinctively comforts her and she can't stop herself from reaching out. Hugging him and kissing his forehead. 

"Thank you, A-Ling," she says hoarsely. And Jin Ling hums like he's old and wise. 

~~~

Days pass and Jiang Cheng thinks she's getting in the hang of things again.

Lan Xichen isn't as invasive as she thought he would be as he respects her boundaries but he does check up on her through daily texts but it all feels formal. The way his question is worded like an email from a boss, and her responses are short because she doesn't want to expose too much of how she genuinely feels.

He cares about the baby to this extent and that's enough. 

She has her own issues to work through too. So she's not going to think about anything beyond the surface, their contact is professional and lukewarm. 

But one morning at 4am, her laptop is settled on a stack of pillows while she leans back against her headboard, a pillow cushioning her back and her tableside lamp is on.

The screen crackles as the other side doesn't have a stable internet connection but she hears Wei Wuxian's loud voice. 

Too close to his mircophone. A lot of "Lan Zhan- hey Lan Zhan-"

And suddenly he comes into focus, grinning brightly at her, eyes shiny and he's due for a haircut though maybe he likes that his hair is so long so he can stick pencils and pens in there. 

"A-Cheng!" He says, cheeks flushed. And he's seated cross legged on a hotel bed and she can see that it's a mess. His luggage open and clothes spilling out and even his briefcase for his research. Papers are sliding out of their proper slots. Lan Wangji calmly settles next to him, not minding the mess, even delicately cleaning up some spots so none of it is ruined when he takes a seat. 

"Wei Wuxian," she says back tiredly. 

"So, Jin Zixuan, huh." Wei Wuxian cracks his knuckles.

"It's fine," Jiang Cheng says. It's hard to stay mad when she doesn't have the energy for it and it's rather pointless. One day she would have had to face Lan Xichen. In a way, Jin Zixuan did her a favor.

"What's not fine is that he completely folded like a wet napkin," Wei Wuxian says. "What the heck does Xichen-ge even have on him?"

"Brother is friends with Jin Guangyao. As they attended university together so they met through him," Lan Wangji inserts. He doesn't seem to mind that they're discussing his brother like he's some eldritch monster. Rather he's exasperated and fills in whatever gaps they have with facts. 

Jiang Cheng clears her throat. "Sorry for blaming you and uh, thanks for not telling your brother. I hope it didn't cause any long lasting issues."

Lan Wangji stares at her only briefly before his gaze flickers away. He's wearing a thick beige cashmere scarf over a caridgan, and his hair is combed to his head so he looks like one of those professors at her alma mater, but the handsome and aloof kind that the students would crush on despite how strict he is. There's a softness in his eyes whenever he glances over at Wei Wuxian though.

Wei Wuxian has ink stains on his cheeks from his fingers never being properly cleaned from his constant note taking. He uses technology but always enjoys the hard work of writing every idea in a journal to look through later because of his chaotic scribbles and mind swirling with endless intangible ideas he needs to write it down on paper whereas he complains the note app is too tidy and the blank screen makes him frustrated. She doesn't understand but her brother is the opposite of Lan Wangji, a hurricane of a person who can't sit still, talks rapidly and is moving quickly onto the next thing unless he's stuck studying whatever caught his attention. 

He's one to ponder deeply too despite laughing and joking a lot. 

"I feel better now," she says, no longer as afraid since the truth is out there. And there's still ways to go but now the worst has come to pass. Her nightmares has ebbed slightly as she knows Lan Xichen won't steal her baby from her. He wants to raise their baby, but won't infringe too much.

Though the state of her condo- it's only been a week, and she has so many upgrades now. The man himself hasn't graced her doorstep again but many deliverymen drop off pieces of furniture, and even baby supplies and preparation books. And even a pamphlet for a local class she can attend if she wanted to learn more about handling a newborn baby. 

Baby supplies that she hasn't stocked up on yet because she's truly short-sighted. And classes she hasn't booked to prepare for child-rearing. She hadn't known what to feel, but gratitude was a must. Lan Xichen is thinking of the bigger picture while she had only been grounded in her own problems and stuck inside her own headspace. She has the nursery set up, but what about the must haves? 

"That's good," Wei Wuxian says. "I'll see you in a couple of weeks, A-Cheng. Need to make sure these pesky scientists don't contaminate the scene then we'll book a flight. And then, I'll beat that playboy's ass for you." There's humor in every word, but his eyes glint when he cracks his knuckles again. 

Lan Wangji stares at his boyfriend. "My brother isn't a playboy."

"Eh, Lan Zhan, is that really the part you're stuck on? Not the fact that he knocked my meimei up? Shouldn't this show that he's really the type to sleep around?"

Can't read the atmosphere for shit, Jiang Cheng thinks, feeling like she's eaten something rotten.  Lan Wangji even glances over at her before looking at Wei Wuxian but her brother doesn't notice instead he grins, "Didn't you want to marry him? Why don't you get married to him?"

It's not that easy! She wants to shout. Why did her brother like diving off the cliff into the deep end and not consider the ramifications? It's not like you can go from 1 to 100 without the in between but Wei Wuxian has always been this way. The endgame is more important. 

"How can I marry him?" She lets out instead.

And the words can't be stopped now.

She and Wei Wuxian love each other a lot but he'd say one thing and she'd get so triggered by it and end up yelling her frustrations, because deep down, she's still jealous. She loves him, but sees how easy he is loved, and how many people he can have wrapped around his little finger with just a grin. He's so full of life and he's everything that Jiang Cheng isn't. 

"I'm not sweet," she says remembering her father's words. "Kind. Or demure. I'm not the right type of woman for him, instead I'll make him hate me, did you forget how constantly compared to my mother I am? Father reminds me everytime! A-Cheng, you're too loud, you're too vicious and no one will like you if you don't be quiet!"

The silence greeting her is static and she hates herself right now. 

Fuck, why can't she be happy? 

Why can't she be happy with what she has? Always greedy for more. 

The little girl her father looked at like she was a leech is actually a leech, draining the joy out of everything and spurning kindness. 

Her brother is checking up on her, has made aure Lan Wangji hadn't told her brother anything and she's being an ingrate.

But because she's aware doesn't mean she can behave the proper way, doesn't mean she can act rationally. 

"A-Cheng," Wei Wuxian says, and his voice is that of someone bestowing a life lesson. "You've always been cute to me, and you always made sure that I wasn't left behind as you dragged me to places to introduce to everyone. I know that A-Jie is the one who first comforted me and loved me first, and you didn't like me much, but you accepted me rather quickly even though you had to give up a lot and share your stuff. You even cried, do you remember? When I told you about my parents and how much I missed them. You said- I had you and A-Jie now, and together we were going to take over the world so no one will have to be sad anymore. It didn't make any sense, but I know that I was loved. 

You aren't vicious. You just said whatever was on your mind and you were just as loud as me too. I was very loud haha, and you were more well-behaved but got bored too, so is that wrong? No. I think Uncle Jiang was too hard on you, and he didn't really see you because I think it would be difficult not to love you. So if Lan Xichen doesn't see those things then he's the one who doesn't deserve you."

He wipes his eyes and Jiang Cheng feels like the worst. Wei Wuxian doesn't cry, not since they were children. If he did, it wasn't in anyplace anyone could see.

"I'm sorry," she says in a small voice. 

"Eh, A-Cheng. Our enemy is Lan Xichen," Wei Wuxian laughs, brushing off his own feelings. And she isn't good at this either so they both accept it and move on. 

Lan Wangji seems confused by their dynamic as he looks between them, but he leans into Wei Wuxian as comfort. 

"How did you two even get together?" She asks, genuinely eager to know and wanting to bypass this awkwardness and emotionally draining conversation. 

But at her question, Lan Wangji's ears turn red and he suddenly looks away, and for a moment Lan Xichen flashes in her mind. The way he avoided looking at her completely to stare at the wall, but it passes rather quickly because Wei Wuxian laughs heartily. 

"Oh, man, so you know Wen Ning, right," he starts off and Jiang Cheng listens as he unravels the tale. And Lan Wangji is a man who does feel embarrassment and isn't as stoic as he seems, as he starts to fluster.