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Chapter Text

Ross looked at the mantlepiece and the photo of Claude-Anthony on the side. As soon as the leaves started changing every year, he felt a dull ache. An ache that subsided as the years went on but was always there.

"Whose that?" Bella asked as she looked at the photo her father was holding. "Bella," Jeremy said as he looked up at her, "let's go and pick apples." "No, it's okay," Ross said, "This is my brother, your uncle." "I didn't know you had a brother," Bella said. "He died," Ross said, "a long time ago; I was just a teenager, he was thirteen, and I was sixteen." 

"Was he sick?" Bella asked. "Bella!" Julia exclaimed, "Darkie wants you to feed him." "It's okay," Ross said as he looked at his eldest two, who both knew he didn't like talking about his brother. "I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong," Bella asked. "No," Ross whispered, "no, you didn't; your uncle, my brother, died of cancer; he was very sick."

Bella kissed his cheek and smiled at him. "I am sorry, Daddy," Bella said. "It's not your fault," Ross whispered, "it's sadly a fact of life for many families." "Why don't you go and help Julia on the farm before the Bridgertons arrive," Demelza said. Bella looked at Ross. "Off you go; I'll be just fine," Ross whispered to her.

___

Demelza hugged him tightly. "Do you know it's been nearly twenty years," Ross whispered, "twenty years this Halloween, I lost my brother, and then just four weeks later, I lost my mother." 

"And you have handled everything was such dignity," Demelza whispered. "Not always," Ross said, "not always; the pain has always been there. I remember getting into some horrific fights with George after it." "That doesn't surprise me," Demelza whispered.

"I imagine you being a chain-smoking leather jacket-wearing king of the school," Jeremy said, grinning. "Pretty much," Ross said, "us dark Poldarks were feared!"

"The funny thing is Claude-Anthony has been reincarnated in the form of Bella," Ross said as he picked up a picture of Bella as a baby, "I remember when he was about five, got into music and dancing, he would come down singing songs from Grease, Footloose." Jeremy smiled at him.

"It's why you hate Halloween?" Valentine asked him. "I don't hate Halloween," Ross said slowly, "it's just not my favourite time of year, but having you a lot has made it a lot better." 

"We understand, Dad," Clowance said, "we always have." "The Bridgertons are here," Demelza said as Simon exited the car.

___

"Uncle Simon," Bella said as she jumped into his arms. "Aren't you full of energy today," Simon said with a wink. "Is George with you?" Bella asked. "He's coming down with Colin and Penelope," Simon said. Bella looked at him sadly. "Daddy is sad," Bella said suddenly. "Bella," Julia said with a sigh, "he isn't sad." 

Simon looked at them, confused. "Did you know he had a brother?" Bella asked him. "Ah," Simon said in understanding, "I did; he doesn't talk about him, but your grandfather spoke about him a lot." 

"I want to make Daddy happy again," Bella told him. "Don't talk about him," Julia said, "Dad doesn't like talking about Claude-Anthony." "But that's sad," Bella said, "he existed." "It's the way Dad wants it," Julia said. Simon looked at Bella and sighed. "Grief is a funny old thing," Simon whispered, "You know my mummy died when I was a baby?" 

"I didn't speak about her at all," Simon continued, "It hurt too much, and I don't like talking about the dear late Queen. It upsets me, but your Aunt Caroline always talks about her mum, Diana, The Queen, because it makes her happy and helps her with her grief. We are all different." 

___

"Here we are," Daphne said as she carried Edward. "Hooray!" Henry said, "Where is David? Is he with you?" "He is with Julia feeding the ponies," Daphne said with a grin, "Simon is with Bella putting the world the rights." 

Ross rolled his eyes with a grin and then looked at the photo of his brother on the mantlepiece. A memory came back to him.

"If I were the prime minister, I would ban homework," Claude-Anthony said as he looked at Ross as they both did their homework. "I'd ban work and have parties daily," Ross said. "How would we get money?" Claude-Anthony asked. "By partying," Ross said with a wink. 

"I would make it compulsory to dance and sing," Claude-Anthony said, "and it to be illegal not to like musicals." "I'd be in prison then," Ross muttered. "What's wrong with musicals?" Claude-Anthony said. "They are cheese," Ross said, "give me pulp fiction any day of the year." 

"I still remember my parents telling me he was sick," Ross said suddenly, and Demelza put her coffee down as Daphne looked at her, "He had been tired for such a long time; I just thought he was being lazy and not wanting to help out on the farm." 

___

Verity smiled as she parked, and Andrew Junior jumped out from the back. "Auntie Verity," Bella exclaimed as she ran to her. "Well, aren't you happy to see me," Verity whispered. 

"Did you know Claude-Anthony?" Bella asked her. Verity looked at her, confused; she knew Ross hated talking about his brother. "I did," Verity said, "he was my cousin too." "Do you talk about him?" Bella asked, "Uncle Simon says some people just don't talk about people when they die."

Verity looked at her niece and sighed. "Grief is a funny old thing," Verity said, "we all struggle when we lose someone we love. I did when I lost my mum because my dad wasn't the kindest to me. When I lost my Auntie, your grandmother, I went to pieces; she was my mum in all but DNA and then my dear uncle. Your dad and your uncle were so close they were as thick as thieves, and he was sick for about a year before he died. Your dad cared for him until his last breath; it's a pain I don't think he can talk about."

Bella nodded at her. "I don't like my daddy sad," Bella said. "How can he be sad with you," Verity said, "you are because you are just like your uncle." Bella grinned at her. "Now, let's go inside because I know we are going to have a great autumn week with everyone," Verity said. 

___

"I'm tired," Claude Anthony said as Grace opened the curtains Monday morning. "You are always tired on a Monday morning," Grace said, "once you get to school, you will be just fine."

"I don't feel well," Claude-Anthony said, "my bones hurt." Grace looked at him and put her palm on his forehead. "I'll ring the doctor," Grace said, "this better not be some prank you and Ross have been planning." 

"Mum says your bones hurt," Ross said as he walked in wearing his school uniform. "I'm tired," Claude-Anthony said. "You went to bed early as well," Ross said. "You aren't being bullied at school, are you?" Ross asked, "Because I will punch them for you." 

"I'm not being bullied," Claude-Anthony said, "I genuinely don't feel well." Ross nodded at him. "As your big brother, I'll always protect you," Ross whispered. "I know," Claude-Anthony said. "To infinity and beyond," Ross said.  

___

Ross looked around Jeremy's room which was his brother's room and sighed as Verity entered. "Bella told me your sad," Verity said to him. "That dear little girl," Ross whispered, "she's going to be like a dog with a bone." 

"Twenty years ago this Halloween, I lost my best friend," Ross said, "in some ways, it feels like a lifetime ago, but in other ways, it feels like only yesterday." "I can imagine," Verity said as Ross entered the wardrobe and pulled out the photo album.

"I think what made it worse was Mum dying just weeks after," Ross said. "A broken heart," Verity whispered. "She would have loved all this," Ross said, "she would have doted on Jeremy the moment he entered our lives."

"Joshua and I said that when he was born," Verity said, "and she would have adored Demelzal; I know you shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but she never liked Elizabeth." "If only I had listened to them," Ross said, "the only good thing that Elizabeth gave me was Valentine, and I don't regret him for one second."

"I think maybe it's time I go through this album with my children," Ross said. "Maybe you could ask the Bridgertons to bring photos of Edmund and Archibald to help?" Verity asked, "I can show them my mum." 

Ross smiled at her. "Thank you," Ross whispered. "You've always been more than a cousin to me," Verity said, "you know that, don't you?" "I know," Ross whispered, "and ditto to you too."

___

"Goodnight, Daddy," Bella whispered as Ross tucked her in bed, "I'm sorry if I upset you." Ross sat on the edge of her bed and sighed. "You didn't," Ross said, "I promise you, you could never upset me." "But losing your brother upset you?" Bella asked him. 

"It did," Ross said, "he was my best friend." "Like George and I?" Bella asked. Ross chuckled and shook his head. "No, not like that," Ross said, "like Benedict and Colin, Jeremy and Julia, Valentine and Clowance, you and Henry, a love that encompasses you."

"Tomorrow, I will show you some pictures from when I was a little boy, and we will talk about Claude-Anthony," Ross said, "now sleep tight." 

___

"They are wrong!" Ross exclaimed as he stood up angrily after Grace and Joshua returned from the hospital, "Get them to do the tests again." "Ross," Grace said gently, "Claude-Anthony has had every test under the sun; he has leukaemia." 

"Don't be scared," Claude-Anthony said as Ross sat next to him as he watched Oliver! The musical is on TV. "I'm not scared," Ross muttered, "nothing is going to happen to you, I promise you. Brothers until infinity and beyond." 

"You can't promise that," Claude-Anthony said, "but I will fight this. The Artful Dodger fought for Fagin, and I will fight just like him." "You must fight," Ross said, "let's see what this Oliver is about." Claude-Anthony just smiled at him. 

___

Ross walked down the landing and stopped outside Bella's room as he heard her sing in her sleep. 

I'd do anything

For you dear anything

For you mean everything to me.

I know that

I'd go anywhere

For your smile, anywhere --

For your smile, ev'rywhere --

I'd see.

Ross couldn't help but smile for the first time at the memory. 

Chapter Text

"Where's Claude-Anthony?" Elizabeth asked Ross as they stood waiting for the school bus. "He's ill," Ross said, sighing, "he will be off school for a while." "What do you mean for a while?" Elizabeth asked. "He has been diagnosed with leukaemia," Ross said. "Oh," Elizabeth said, "Well, that is sad, but at least we don't have to hear him sing all day." Ross just looked at her and blinked. 

"Where's Verity?" Ross asked Francis as he walked up to them. "She's at yours; she's too upset to come to school when father told us; she cried herself to sleep," Francis said, "I'm sorry, Ross, Claude-Anthony is strong; he will beat this." "Maybe I should head back home," Ross said as he looked at him. 

"Ross, what can you do? It's cancer. You can't solve this," Elizabeth said, "who's going to carry my bags around the school?" "What the actual fuck?" Ross exclaimed, "Do you honestly think I care about you and your shitty bags." Ross lit a cigarette and stormed off towards the cliffs of Nampara Cove. 

"Leave him," Francis said, "Claude-Anthony is the joy of our family. I'll carry your bags for you today." 

---

"Can't you sleep?" Demelza asked Ross as she walked down the stairs to see him in the kitchen looking out at his mother's rose garden, now his darling wife. "No," Ross said, "I just keep thinking about what he would be like. I imagine he would be some West End stage star."

"I wish I had met him," Demelza said. "He would have loved you," Ross whispered, "in fact, who wouldn't love you." Demelza grinned at him. "I don't think Elizabeth, Ruth or George liked me," Demelza said. "Because they knew you made me happy," Ross said. "I shouldn't speak ill of the dead, though," Demelza said, "without her, we wouldn't have Valentine." 

"What a blessing he is through the shittiest time in our life," Ross said, "have I ever thanked you for that." Demelza smiled. "Thanks are not necessary; it's what you do when you love someone," Demelza said, "and you know Valentine is my pride and joy." "And he knows that," Ross said, "even at the age he is now, he wants your approval for everything." 

Demelza just grinned at him. "He looks the most like you," Demelza whispered, "Are you going to be okay to talk to Bella about Claude-Anthony?" "Verity is right," Ross said, "I can't keep Claude-Anthony in a cupboard; he deserves better." Demelza kissed his cheek. "I love you," Demelza whispered, "I will talk to her about my mother, her grandma." 

"I love you more," Ross whispered, "You've put up with me and my moods for years."

___

"What are you doing home?" Grace asked as she heard Ross slam the front door shut, "Have you been crying?" "NO!" Ross exclaimed, "Just no, where's Claude-Anthony and Verity?" 

"They are watching TV," Grace said, "Ross, it's okay to show your emotions, you know." "Stop it, mum!" Ross exclaimed, "Just stop it, mum! It doesn't matter right now; all that matters is Claude-Anthony." 

"Are you bunking?" Claude-Anthony asked, "If so naughty, naughty." "I missed you at the bus stop," Claude-Anthony said, "besides Elizabeth was doing my fucking head in." "Language," Grace said, "why, what did she do?" "Just going on about her handbag or something, I wasn't listening," Ross said. "I never listen to her," Claude-Anthony noted, "She's boring with a capital B. I'd rather listen to George and his politics, even if he is a Tory." 

"She's just spoilt," Ross said, "her parents give her everything, but she's beautiful." "If you say so," Claude-Anthony noted. "How are you feeling?" Ross asked him. "My bones hurt," Claude-Anthony said, "it hurts with every step I take." Ross looked at him and picked him up. Grace looked at her eldest son, her heart breaking as Ross held Claude-Anthony tightly. 

___

Ross looked at Simon as Bella came rushing down the stairs singing Gene Kelly's Good Morning song. "For God's sake," Henry said irritably, "do you have to be so happy in the morning." "It's called being happy," Bella said, "George will be here soon." 

Ross rolled his eyes at Simon and then looked back out towards his garden. "She's so much like my brother," Ross said, "he used to sing all the time; he sang even when he sat on the toilet; he used to drive me mad." "Did he talk as much as Caroline?" Simon asked. Ross laughed. "He would have adored Caroline," Ross said, "where's Daphne?" "She's gone to Highgrove to pick up photos of her dad and my family to show Bella." 

"You know Bella, she's like a dog with a bone when she gets something in her brain," Ross said, "but maybe she's right; I've hidden him in a cupboard so long, that picture is only out because Demelza refused to hide any more photos and as usual she is right." 

"I know that feeling," Simon said, "You know, a wise person once said to the nation that grief is the price we pay for love." "And what a wise woman she was," Ross said. "She told me off for hiding everything about my mother," Simon said, "Sarah deserved better than a shoebox in an attic." 

"Good morning, Uncle Simon," Bella said as she kissed his cheek. "Good morning, treasure," Simon whispered, "someone was singing a happy tune today." "George is coming," Bella said, "Isn't that a great reason to be happy?" "Absolutely," Simon whispered with a grin, "it's a beautiful reason to be happy." 

___

Ross looked at Claude-Anthony as he and Verity slept on the couch halfway through the film Dirty Dancing. "That was the school on the phone," Joshua told him. Ross shrugged his shoulders. "Who the fuck cares about school," Ross said, "is algebra going to stop him being ill?" 

"No," Joshua said honestly, "but it gives you an education." "I'm going to be a farmer," Ross said, "Look, Dad, I couldn't go in today; why should Verity stay and not me." "Talk to me," Joshua said. "I don't want to talk about my feelings," Ross said, "my feelings don't matter; Claude Anthony's matter; I'm angry, Dad."

"You can't change anything, Ross; we just have to," Joshua started and then stopped as Ross stood up angrily, his chair falling. "Don't you dare say make the most of the time we have together," Ross shouted, "he isn't going to die; I am not going to let him. He is my Woody to my Buzz, and we are brothers until infinity and beyond." 

---

Ross opened the shoebox and smiled as he saw the frame of Buzz Lightyear and Woody with a photo of him and Claude-Anthony. "Look at you here," Verity said, "your curls were so tight." "How old were you here," Demelza said as she saw a young Ross with his brother on his lap. "About seven," Ross said, "Mum had just taken us to see Toy Story at the cinema." 

Ross put the photo on the coffee table, and Bella rushed to see it. "How old was Claude-Anthony?" Bella asked. "He would have been five," Ross said. "You are so cute, Dad," Bella said, "but it's like looking at Valentine." Valentine looked at the photo and grinned. "Who does Claude-Anthony look like," Bella continued. "Bella!" Jeremy exclaimed. "No, it's fine," Ross said. "I think you are him in personality," Ross said, "You look like your mother, but you are his little musical-loving, no-nonsense, funny personality." Bella grinned at him. 

___

Ross put the Toy Story DVD on and smiled at Claude-Anthony as he grinned at him. "You shouldn't get angry with mum and dad," he said to him, "it's not their fault." "I'm not angry at them," Ross said, "let's watch this." "Who are you angry at then?" Claude-Anthony asked. 

"No one," Ross said, "There's nothing to be angry about because nothing will happen to you. Not on my watch." "You can't say that," Claude-Anthony said. "I can," Ross said, "now, my little Woody, let's watch the best Disney film since Robin Hood." 

As the film went on, Grace and Joshua watched on as their sons sat on the sofa watching and then grinned as Ross said every Buzz line to Claude-Anthony. 

"Ross," Claude-Anthony said sleepily. "Yes," Ross whispered. "I don't want to lose my hair or hurt anymore; I am scared," Claude-Anthony whispered. "Don't be scared," Ross whispered, "the medicine will make you better." "Best brother in the world," Claude-Anthony whispered. "Don't tell Francis that," Ross said. "Francis is a nincompoop!" Claude-Anthony exclaimed, causing Ross to laugh loudly. 

___

"Do you believe there is a heaven?" Bella asked. "Oh yes," Demelza said, "I believe so; I believe the loved ones we have loved and lost are all looking down on us. And our cloud is a special one; it has The Queen, Prince Phillip, Viscount Edmund, Granddad Joshua, Princess Diana, Lady Danbury, Sarah, Lord Featherington, Granny Grace and Claude-Anthony; who wouldn't want to be on that cloud." 

Ross smiled his thanks at her. "Claude-Anthony is tap dancing on his cloud, singing an Oliver! Song, I believe," Ross said, "and as for my mother, she is just happy she's back with her son and now her husband." "What did she die off?" Bella asked. "Bella!" Julia exclaimed, "What did Jeremy and I tell you?"

"It's fine," Ross said, "She died of a broken heart, there was no reason for her death, she wasn't ill, wasn't in pain, she just died in her sleep." "When you become a mother," Demelza said, "it a love that encompasses anything and everything; everything you do is for your children. My heart is full of love for everyone in this room, and when Julia was so sick, and I thought I was losing her, I felt a little piece of my heart dying." 

Ross kissed her hand. "But she had daddy," Bella said. "I know," Ross said, "but I am not angry with her because she didn't do anything; her body just let go. Besides, I think she sent down the best thing that ever happened to me, not that he is a thing." Ross smiled at Jeremy, who just grinned at him. "What did she give you?" Bella asked. "Jeremy," Ross whispered, "now, that's enough for today; you can go and put that photo frame of me and Claude-Anthony on the mantlepiece next to Valentine and Clowance when they were babies." 

Chapter Text

Edmund Bridgerton

Violet looked at Bella as she looked at the photo of her uncle Claude-Anthony. "You know, when someone dies, they never leave you," Violet whispered, "when my husband died, at first, it was like someone had stabbed me in the heart." Bella turned and looked at her. "Was he old?" Bella asked. "Bella!" Jeremy sighed irritably. "No, it's okay," Violet said with a smile, "learning about life and death is an important factor of life."

"He wasn't ancient," Violet said, "he was in his forties, but he lived a lifestyle that wasn't very healthy." "He smoked and drank a lot," Daphne said to her Goddaughter, "he loved a whiskey and a cigar." "He also loved a bacon sandwich," Colin said, "with lashings of butter." "He had a massive heart attack, and he sadly left this life," Violet said. Bella hugged her. "I'm sorry, Granny Vi," Bella whispered.

"That's okay," Violet whispered as she looked at the photo of her late husband. "Is that Edmund?" Bella asked as she looked at the picture, "doesn't he look like Colin." Everyone turned and looked at Anthony as she said this. "Did I say something wrong?" Bella asked. "No," Anthony said smiling, "Colin has always been the one most like Dad." "And Anthony hated that once," Eloise said. "Eloise," Penelope said. "Am I lying?" Eloise asked. "That's not the point," Violet said to her daughter.

"Was he the love of your life?" Bella asked Violet. "He was," Violet whispered, "I met him at school, and I was such a wallflower; I was quiet and shy." "You were shy?" Henry asked in shock. "I was shy," Violet said laughing, "I was at school with Portia and Archibald, and Portia always had a bit of a crush on Edmund." "SHE NEVER!" Penelope exclaimed. "She did," Violet said, "she was always a bit jealous of me after Edmund asked me out." "Thank God Portia isn't our mum!" Hyacinth exclaimed. "Hyacinth!" Benedict exclaimed. "No offence, Penelope," Hyacinth said, "I'm sorry you had that pleasure of being her daughter." "Hyacinth!" Colin groaned. "It's fine," Penelope said, "we all know what my mother is like. "I'm glad she isn't my grandmother," Charles muttered. "Charles," Sophie whispered. "Just saying," Charles said, "I've never met someone so utterly tasteless."

"Edmund, was your one true love?" Bella asked Violet. "He was the love of my life," Violet said, "but I believe he sent Joshua down to me to give me my smiles; he was the friend and love I needed after such a terrible time." Bella hugged Violet tightly. "But sometimes death can make you do some things you regret," Anthony said slowly. "Anthony," Benedict said slowly, "I don't think this is appropriate."

"No, I think it is," Anthony said, "we are talking about grief and what grief does to you; I will share my story. Grief made me a bitter and angry man." "You upset my brother," Bella said. "I did," Anthony said, "and I did horrific and horrible things that I am not proud of." "Dad dropped down in front of me," Daphne said slowly, "I was only a student at University at the time, and sadly, I couldn't save him." Bella hugged her tightly. "It's okay," Daphne said, "I forgave myself a long time ago, but at the time it destroyed me."

"I blamed her," Anthony said, "I said and did some horrible things to my sister, things that you are just too young to understand." Bella looked at him and took his hand. "I got addicted to drugs, hard drugs, and it turned me into a jealous bastard; I lashed out at my little sister, Colin, and I lost the respect of my family." "Why did you blame them?" Bella asked. "Because when my dad was alive, I didn't spend time with him; I didn't have a special bond with him. We didn't cook together, paint, sing or do anything; I just pretended I was better than him, that because I was going to be the next Viscount, I didn't need his time." Bella looked at him. "You regret it?" Bella asked. "More than anything in the world," Anthony said, "so you see, grief, Bella is such a hard subject, you can handle it with dignity and grace like my mother, but you can also be a complete and utter knob like me." "Putting it mildly," Colin whispered. "Colin," Penelope said gently.

"But you are sorry?" Bella asked him. "So much so," Anthony said as he opened his wallet and showed Bella a photo of him, Benedict and Colin with their father. "Oh, look!" Bella exclaimed, "You are all so handsome! I always tell my friends at school that Bridgerton men can't be ugly! It's not in their DNA!" "Bella!" Demelza said, trying not to giggle. "It's true," Bella said, "and us Poldark women know that!" Daphne let out a laugh. "And Bridgerton women love a Poldark man," Daphne said.

"This photo was the last photo we three had with Dad," Anthony said as he showed it to Benedict and Colin. "We were going to Southend," Colin said, "you were moaning because you weren't with your girlfriend." "Was that Auntie Kate?" Bella asked. "If he knew me back then, he would never have treated his sister or brother like a complete knob, trust me," Kate said seriously. "We wish you were in his life back then," Violet said. Kate grinned at them. "We picked seashells, ate fish and chips, and watched Punch and Judy," Anthony said. "Francesca ran away from crabs," Benedict said as he looked at his sister. "They are scary creatures, you know!" Francesca exclaimed, "They could have a nasty bite! And I didn't want to find out."

Violet smiled at the photo and stroked her late husband's face. "He was proud of you all," Violet whispered. "I know," Anthony said, "but jealousy is a nasty thing in life; you have sisters; do you ever get jealous of them?" Bella looked at him and shook her head. "I don't need to be jealous because I don't want to get up and milk cows in the middle of the night; I don't want to fight baddies in other countries," Bella said thoughtfully, "I am proud of them for being strong women, but I am not jealous. I know what I want to be and what I want to do in life. I want to be a star on stage, sing and dance, and help the whole world to know that having autism is okay and not a death sentence and that George is the kindest and most beautiful soul in the world."

"Then you will be fine in the world," Anthony said, "and I wish I had that mindset. Jealousy is a very ugly trait; once it takes hold of you, it's difficult to stop. It's buried deep inside you." "I am sure your family forgive you," Bella said, "and I am sure your daddy forgives you because he sounded like a very kind, caring, forgiving man, and I would have been proud to call him Poppa Edmund." Violet's eyes filled with tears as she looked at Bella.

"We forgive him," Benedict said, "We don't forget, but we forgive." Bella smiled at him. "He would have loved you, Bella," Benedict said, "Dad loved singing; he was always singing Elvis Presley; he would sing in the shower, in the kitchen, in the car, he just sang always. We used to put on shows for him. Daphne and Colin would be on vocals, and I would play the guitar, and when Eloise got older, she would be on piano." "Oh," Bella clapped happily, "What was his favourite Elvis song? I love Suspecious minds!" "I don't think he had a favourite," Colin said, "music always depended on his mood." Benedict went into his wallet, took a photo of Edmund dressed as Elvis, and smiled at it. "I always think you look like your father here," Sophie said. "You think?" Benedict asked her. "I think," Sophie told him.

"You know," Benedict said, "I used to groan when I heard Elvis play, but now it gives me such joy when I hear it on the radio; each song always reminds me of something we did together. Hound Dog always reminds me of Colin and Dad's pancakes." "Wonder of you always reminds me of Mum and Dad," Daphne said, "you both used to dance to it in the living room, and you both looked so in love, and I promised myself I would never marry anyone who didn't look at me like dad looked at you mum." "That was big shoes to fill," Simon said. "And you passed," Bella said, "you look at Auntie Daphne like she's the only one in the room." Daphne smiled at her and nodded.

"I bought a photo," Daphne said as she entered her bag and passed it to Bella. "OH MY GOD!" Bella exclaimed, "This is so adorable. Look at you, Uncle Simon. You're a spider, and Daphne is a witch. Look at Penelope and Colin. How old were you here? And look at your dad here!" The picture was of them that Halloween when Daphne and Simon became friends; it was the only picture Daphne had of her father with Simon. She treasured this picture the most.

"I think Penelope and I were about six," Daphne said, "it's the only picture I have with my dad and Simon; I treasure it. It's a photo of love because he always said that I and Colin would marry our best friend. He was right." "He always knew," Violet said, "he would tell me, did you notice Simon speaking tonight, darling, and it was only to our daughter." Bella smiled at them. "Trust is a thing that has to be earned," Colin said as he looked at Anthony and said, "This photo was a Halloween Party Caroline threw at the Palace, and I am Prince Adam from Beauty and the Beast." "And Penelope is Belle," Bella exclaimed, "you were a fairytale even then!" Penelope let out a giggle. "I was a shy, fat, ginger child," Penelope said, "and I was just pleased to go out with my friends." "You weren't fat," Colin said. "Everyone is beautiful in the world," Bella said, "no matter what shape,  size, hair colour, or skin colour, we are all one race and beautiful."

"Do you know who would make the best Viscountess in the room," Violet said to her, "speaking from the late one and with a current one in the room and a future one  in the room." Violet looked over at Clowance and Sophie, who was grinning. "No, who?" Bella asked. "You," Violet said, "Edmund would have loved you because you have a heart full of love and joy, and that's what my husband's heart was full of." "Me?" Bella asked, laughing. "You," Violet whispered.

"You are so precious with my Grandson George; you remind me of Daphne with Simon. You have a gift, a precious one, and that's a gift of trust," Violet whispered, "George trusts you with his voice, with his feelings, and that's precious. You see the good in everyone; you are also like your eldest brother; when I first met your family, I was distraught after losing my husband, but you, Poldarks, you fixed me and our family."

"Jeremy forgave Anthony for some horrible things," Violet continued, "he forgave him even before Amelia could; he made us smile, love, and cherish life again. When your grandfather died, I promised him I would be his grandmother and to Julia, and I never broke that promise. I love you all no different from Charles, Agatha, Amelia, etc., and if Edmund were alive, he would be so proud to have you call him Pops. He would tell me, Violet, that Bella will marry George, and I know our Grandson will be happy with her, and Edmund was never wrong."

"I love George more than anything in the world," Bella said, "I love him more than Oliver! the musical, Mary Poppins, and I love him more than the last piece of garlic bread." "Wow, that is love," Colin said with a grin. "Don't you have a picture of you and your dad?" Bella asked him. "He doesn't need one," Daphne said, "he only has to look in the mirror." Colin smiled at her.

"My photographs are my memories," Colin said, "every cookbook I write, every recipe of his I make, every time I hear Elvis on the radio, my father is everywhere. I don't need a photograph." "Memories are embedded in your brain," Ross said to him. "Every word," Colin whispered, "every breath, every recipe, every moment, every gift. It's all embedded in my brain. Every pancake, every waffle, every music note we sang. I remember." 

___

"You'll always have photographs of me," Claude-Anthony said. "I don't want photographs," Ross said, "photographs are not like having you there. Who's going to be my best man when I marry?" "Well, if you marry Elizabeth, it won't be me," Claude-Anthony said, "posh snobby bitch, you deserve better!" Ross rolled his eyes. "You deserve better," Claude-Anthony said again.

"I love her," Ross said. "You think you do," Claude-Anthony said, "love is a photograph when you look at it, and it brings back precious memories of joy and comfort. Looking at Liz will bring me nightmares." Ross rolled his eyes. "She is misunderstood," Ross muttered. "She is spoilt," Claude-Anthony said, "she is like a Disney villain." Ross was silent as he just looked at him. "I start chemo tomorrow," Claude-Anthony whispered. "I know," Ross said.

"I don't like needles," Claude-Anthony said, "and I might be sick." "I'll be there," Ross said. "Promise?" Claude-Anthony asked. "Always," Ross said, "you and I always and forever. As Oliver sang to the Artful Dodger, I'll do anything for you, do anything, because I'll do anything for you." "Even watch Mary Poppins?" Claude-Anthony asked. "Even that," Ross said, "just don't tell anyone." "Promise," Claude-Anthony said, "but let's watch Toy story instead, my Woody."

___

Chapter Text

The Past

Ross settled on Claude-Anthony's bed, his presence a comforting shield. "Feeling a bit nervous, are we?" he asked, his voice a balm to his brother's anxiety. Claude-Anthony, unsure of how to articulate his emotions, nodded slightly. "It's alright," Ross soothed, his hand reaching Claude-Anthony's shoulder. "I'll be right here every step of the way." Claude-Anthony, enveloped in his brother's unwavering support, leaned on Ross's shoulder, a sense of calm washing over him.

Claude-Anthony's concern was palpable as he asked, his voice tinged with memories of past struggles, "What about school?" Ross's reply was immediate; his voice filled with a quiet determination forged through their shared experiences. "Let's be honest here; you are far more important to me. I will be a farmer, and I don't see how algebra will help me. So, to answer your question, forget about school. It's not as important as you are." His words carried a weight of sacrifice, a testament to the depth of his love for his brother, a love that had been tested and proven repeatedly.

Claude-Anthony leaned in closer to Ross, his voice barely above a whisper, "I don't want to lose my hair," he said, his hand running through his beloved brown curls. Ross could see the worry etched on his brother's face, and he felt a pang of empathy. Trying to offer comfort, he replied, "I know how much your hair means to you, but remember it's not forever. Hair grows back, and you'll have your curls again soon." His words were a promise of hope, a reassurance that this, too, shall pass, and a beacon of light in a challenging time.

Joshua walked into the room, eyes scanning the space to find his sons. The room was filled with a mix of anticipation and nervous energy. "Are we ready?" he asked, eager to get started. Claude-Anthony stood up and replied confidently, his voice cutting through the tension, "Yes, we are. Did you remember to bring my magazines?" Joshua chuckled, the sound of a brief respite from the seriousness of the situation, and replied, "Yes, I did. You wouldn't want to be without them, would you?" Claude-Anthony grinned at seeing a small beacon of light in the room and shook his head as Joshua handed him the magazines.

Ross stood in his bedroom doorway, his backpack slung over his shoulder. He looked determined, his eyes reflecting a resolve that had been building within him. It was a look that said he had already decided about something, a decision brewing for a while. Ross spoke up before his Dad even had a chance to ask him the usual questions, his voice steady and sure. 

"I'm not going to school," he said firmly, his words a reflection of the unspoken understanding between him and his father, a bond forged through years of shared experiences and mutual respect. 

Joshua raised an eyebrow in surprise but didn't seem too taken aback. 

"I know you better than anyone so that I wouldn't have expected anything else," Joshua replied with a small smile. "I also got you your favourite magazines to read while you're at home." 

Ross's face lit up at the mention of his magazines. He loved nothing more than sitting in his room, reading and learning about all sorts of things. It was one of the reasons why he often found school so frustrating - he felt like he wasn't learning anything new or exciting. The thought of spending his days at home, immersed in the world of his magazines, was a welcome reprieve from the monotony of school. 

"Thanks, Dad," Ross said, feeling relieved that his Dad wasn't angry or disappointed in him.

The Present

With a hint of nostalgia, Simon carefully extracted three photos from his battered old wallet and presented them to Bella. As she eagerly inspected the images, a warm smile spread across her face, and she picked up one of the photographs. "She looks remarkably similar to you," Bella remarked, nodding towards the snapshot of Simon's birth mother.

With a soft and melancholy tone, Simon's voice, tinged with a mix of sadness and fondness, responded to Bella's comment, "She was my mother." Bella paused momentarily and then said, her voice filled with understanding, "You must miss her. She is beautiful." Simon looked at Bella with a hint of sadness and said, his voice a whisper of a memory, "You can't miss something or someone you never had."

Bella asked in a gentle tone, "But don't you ever wish you had met her?"

Simon hesitated momentarily before answering, "I know it may sound terrible, but I don't wish I had met her. If my mother had survived, things might have been different, and I don't think we both would have survived. My father was a cruel and terrible man. He never loved her the way your father loves your mother or the way I love Daphne."

With a concerned look, Bella turned to her godfather and asked the question weighing heavily on her mind. "Was he violent?" she inquired, referring to the man they were discussing. Jeremy caught off guard, exclaimed her name in surprise. But Simon, with a calm and reassuring voice, told him it was all right to answer. Simon then proceeded to open up and reveal that his father had been abusive towards his mother and him as well when he had lived with him. Simon struggled to speak and felt like a burden to his father, who was ashamed of him. The room fell silent as the weight of Simon's words hung in the air.

Bella tenderly embraced him and spoke heartfelt, "I'm deeply sorry. Please know that I love you so much, and I feel incredibly fortunate to have two amazing daddies in my life whom I love with all my heart."

___

The Past

The nurse's soft voice echoed through the hospital corridor as she approached Claude-Anthony. "Claude-Anthony," she said gently, "Are you ready to come through?" Claude-Anthony looked up from his bed, his eyes filled with fear and hope. "You can have one person sit with you," the nurse continued, "who would you like?" Claude-Anthony's eyes darted to his parents, sitting in chairs by his bedside. He hesitated for a moment before speaking. "My brother," he said, barely above a whisper, "is my best friend. You don't mind, do you, Mum or Dad?" The parents exchanged a look, then nodded in agreement, their eyes filled with tears. The nurse smiled softly, then turned and led them down the hallway towards the chemotherapy room.

Claude-Anthony's voice trembled as he turned to Ross and asked, "You don't think Mum and Dad will be upset that I chose you over them, do you?" Ross gave him a reassuring look and replied, "I doubt it. I don't think Mum would be able to cope with the emotions. You don't want her crying over you." Claude-Anthony nodded in agreement, feeling the weight of his decision. As the nurse began attaching him to the machines, he turned his head to look at Ross. "Think of your favourite musical," Ross whispered, trying to distract him from the bleak reality of the moment.

Excitedly, Claude-Anthony called out, "Oliver! When I become an adult, I dream of becoming a stage actor. I aspire to showcase my singing and dancing skills on the grand stages of Broadway, just like the legendary duo of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers."

Ross smiled at Claude-Anthony and said, "And you will do it. You will achieve your dreams. And when you finally make it big, I will be in the front row, singing along with the rest of the crowd." Claude-Anthony's eyes lit up with hope as he asked, "Promise?" Ross replied without hesitation, "To infinity and beyond."

___

The Present

In a poignant moment, Simon longed for the two women who had raised him. "These two ladies brought me up," he said, his voice filled with emotion, "and I miss them every day." Standing beside him, Bella pointed to the late Queen, and Simon spoke softly, "She was a beautiful and kind woman and my mother's dear friend." The memory of the two women lingered in the air, a testament to the bond they had shared with Simon.

Bella proudly showed Simon a photograph, indicating one of the ladies in the picture, "And this is Lady Danbury, a remarkable woman in every sense of the word." Simon's eyes brightened as he acknowledged her, "She was there for my mother in her final moments and even held me the first time I was born. Lady Danbury was a force to be reckoned with, and you wouldn't want to be on her wrong side. She was an extraordinary woman with a strong personality, and people respected her for that."

Amelia's face lit up with a smile as she recounted a fond memory of Lady Danbury from her childhood. She vividly recalled Lady Danbury's stern voice booming through the halls, warning her to wash her hands before lunch with such force that it would make her jump. With a serious expression, Violet acknowledged Lady Danbury's actions as the right thing to do, as maintaining proper hygiene is crucial for good health. Amelia quickly reminded them that she was just a tiny four-year-old then, and Lady Danbury's strictness was not meant to be cruel but to instil discipline. Simon chimed in, adding that Lady Danbury was known to have a strong sense of duty and would use her cane to discipline anyone who misbehaved. He recalled how people would get their toes hit if they were caught doing something wrong.

Amelia spoke with wonder and admiration as she recalled spending time with her grandmother, the Queen. "There was something truly magical about having the Queen as a grandmother," she said. "She would tell us stories about our dad growing up, and we would listen in awe as we imagined what it must have been like for him."

On the other hand, Anthony had a slightly different memory of their time together. "We used to play hide and seek in the palace," he said with a smile. "It was so much fun, but I remember one time I had a bit too much to drink and ended up vomiting on her beautiful carpet. I felt terrible about it." 

Violet's face twisted in horror as she shouted, "Anthony!" in disbelief. On the other hand, Simon found the situation hilarious and chuckled, "It smelled like a kebab." Anthony, deep in thought, interjected, "I blame Prince Harry. He was always a bad influence."

___

The Past

Ross took the sickness bag from the seat pocket and held it to Claude-Anthony as he doubled over in nausea. The retching sound filled the air, and Ross could feel the bag growing heavier with each heave. Claude-Anthony whispered a weak apology, but Ross hushed him gently. "Don't apologize," he said, "I'm here to help." After the ordeal had passed, Ross disposed of the bag and offered Claude-Anthony a comforting hand on the back.

The nurse spoke softly, reassuringly, hoping to ease the patient's anxiety. "It may seem difficult now, but trust me, it will get easier. And you're lucky to have your brother by your side. He can be your rock through this." Claude-Anthony's eyes welled up with tears, but he managed to whisper, "He's not just my brother. He's my best friend, my confidante, my strength. He's like Buzz Lightyear to my Woody, always there to help me soar to new heights." It will pass," the nurse said gently, "the first session is the hardest, but luckily, you have a great brother to help you." "He is my best friend," Claude-Anthony whispered, "He is the Buzz Lightyear to my Woody." 

The Present

Simon's voice was heavy with regret as he looked down at his feet and shared his story. "I look back at my teenage years and realize how I treated them. It haunts me today," he said with a deep sigh. "I was so angry at the world that I couldn't see beyond my pain. I acted like I didn't care about them, but the truth is that they meant everything to me. I was too afraid to show them my vulnerability, so I put up a tough exterior instead. It's a decision that I deeply regret now."

Daphne's voice trembled with emotion as she spoke, "They knew how much you loved them. You were the pride and joy of their life. Charles and Anne used to tell me that you were The Queen's favourite child. You meant the world to them."

Simon smiled at his wife and replied, "I understand." Jeremy then expressed gratitude towards the woman who loved him like a grandson, "I will always be grateful for her kindness. She was truly the kindest soul in the world." Jeremy reminisced about the past and proudly stated, "When I was just five years old, I took an oath to her in the army with immense pride."

Bella's voice was wistful as she said, "I wish I had met them. They sound like beautiful women." When Bella saw a photo of a man with a young Simon, she leaned in with curiosity and asked, "Who's that?" Simon's face lit up with a smile as he looked at the photo and replied, "That's my Dad." The picture showed Simon's father figure standing proudly next to a young Simon and Phillip, both of whom were grinning widely. 

Simon was quick to explain that his Dad was not his biological father but had taken care of him as though he were his own. "He taught me to speak," Simon continued, "and was always there for me when I needed him. He was everything a father should be." Simon's voice was tinged with emotion, and his eyes shone with gratitude as he spoke about his Dad. 

Bella's voice was gentle and loving as she whispered to Simon, "I'm so grateful that you had three special people in your life who saw the beauty in you and helped you to see it, too." Bella paused momentarily and added, "I love you so much, Uncle Simon."

Simon's eyes glistened with tears as he heard Bella's words. He leaned closer and whispered, "I could never express how much you mean to me, Bella. You are the kindest, most thoughtful and sweetest girl I know." As he spoke,   Simon's voice was filled with emotion, and he wrapped his arms around Bella, holding her close.

___

The Past

Ross washed his face in the restroom sink while his parents were getting Claude-Anthony ready to leave.

With a clenched fist, he angrily struck the porcelain sink; the sound of his knuckles making contact with the cold, hard surface echoed through the bathroom. His mind was consumed with thoughts of his brother's agony and suffering, causing him to act on his emotions. The throbbing pain in his hand was nothing compared to the torment his brother was enduring. He would not hesitate to sacrifice his hand to alleviate his brother's suffering.