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Mad as a Hatter (Thin as a Dime)

Summary:

Eating disorders are not beautiful. Ryan Ross has an eating disorder and therefore, by extension, is not beautiful.

Notes:

WARNING: MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING FOR EATING DISORDERS

Seriously, this story is completely about eating disorders and it is/will be very graphic so please don't read if you're triggered by any of this.

Okay so I thought of this story a while ago and I actually ended up planning the whole thing out and I just found the prologue I had written so I though why the hell not and decided to edit and upload it. This is just the prologue, I promise the chapters will be longer. I honestly have no idea when I'm going to update these, I'm in school and it's very stressful so I'll try to get out a chapter or two a week but I'm really not sure.

I'm actually really excited to write this story and I'd really love it if you guys would comment and let me know what you think so far. Enjoy!

ps sorry for the shit summary, the story is better than that I promise

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Prologue

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

thinasadime: I’ve noticed you on a bunch of the forums and you seem pretty cool so I thought I’d send you a message saying hey and stuff. srry for being creepy :/
until-it-kills: lol hi ur not creepy :) btw i like ur username
until-it-kills: tom waits, right?
thinasadime: lol thnx :) and yeah, not a lot of people pick up on that
until-it-kills: lol i feel you on that :P
until-it-kills: nobody knows who midtown is >:(
until-it-kills: i’m william by the way
thinasadime: I’m Ryan :)

x x x

“Ryan?”

“Shit, shit, shit,” Ryan murmured, though the words came out slightly garbled as he was still hunched over the toilet with two fingers stuck in his mouth.

“Ryan, sweetheart, are you okay? I thought I heard gagging,” his mother called softly from the other side of the bathroom door.

Ryan quickly pulled his fingers out of his mouth, wiping them on a towel before grabbing the water bottle beside him and taking a quick swig. He grimaced as it went down; purging always made his throat hurt.

“I’m fine, Mom. Just not feeling too well,” he lied, flushing the toilet and quickly moving to the sink. He ran his hands under the tap, grabbing a quick look at his reflection. His cheeks were a little puffy and his glands were starting to swell a little, but it wasn’t noticeable. He dried his hands off before opening the bathroom door and smiling weakly at his mother.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine.”

Ryan needed to stop lying so much. Ryan needed to stop doing a lot of things.

x x x

thinasadime updated his status: uGH i was purging in the bathroom when my mom heard me and i had to stop and now theres all this gross food in my stomach :(
xXkevthinXx replied: dont freak, you prob wont gain too much and if u do itll only be food weight
thiNick replied: That sucks, at least she doesn’t suspect anything. I remember when my mom caught me, not a good memory :(
until-it-kills: aww im sry bb :( id purge 4 u if it would hlp lol

Ryan smiled as the last reply loaded. He minimized the tab, opening his Skype and quickly scrolling through to find the contact he was looking for.

Ryan Ross: Bilvy you didn’t tell me you were online :((((
Bill Beckett: miss me that much ryro?? ‘,:)
Ryan Ross: literally wtf is that emoji
Bill Beckett: uGH just call me already

Ryan clicked the call button, his smiling widening even more as William’s face popped up on the screen.

“How’s my favorite little ‘ana butterfly’ today?” William asked.

Ryan laughed softly, plugging his headphones in before replying.

“You’re the anorexic one, Bilvy.”

William rolled his eyes, letting out an overly exaggerated sigh. “Anorexia, EDNOS, same thing really. They’re both shit and make you hate yourself even more than you thought possible.”

“True,” Ryan replied, leaning his head on his hand and taking a moment to really look at William.

He was skinnier than the last time Ryan had Skyped with him. Then again, he was always skinnier than the previous time. The bags under his eyes were worse, though, his exhaustion being fairly obvious. He had his hair in a bun, but it was easy to tell he was trying to hide how dull and lifeless it was. “At least it’s not falling out,” he would joke, the “yet” that should follow being left unsaid.

“You have any luck with that guy you’ve been thirsting for?” Ryan asked, a single eyebrow raised.

“Don’t you give me that judgmental eyebrow, Ryan Ross. His hands make me want to sin so much, you have no idea.”

Ryan rolled his eyes, laughing as William pulled an indignant face.

“He’s in a band, RyRo, a band! And they’re fucking good as well.”

“He’s probably an asshole,” Ryan said. “Most guys in bands are assholes.”

“Ryan, you’re in a band.”

“And I’m an asshole.”

William laughed at that, nodding in agreement. He started suddenly though, looking off screen before quickly looking back.

“Hey Ry, I’ve gotta go. My mom is back and she’s going to need help looking after the kids. I’ll talk to you later.”

“It’s cool. Talk to you soon!” Ryan replied, smiling and giving a little wave.

William’s face disappeared and Ryan’s grin went with it.

Notes:

hey I just wanted to mention that if you recognize the site, please keep it out of the comments. you can privately message me on my tumblr @ twentyoneboyfriends if you want to confirm your suspicions.