Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Self-awareness is something that means a lot to different people. To Jim, being self-aware means paying constant attention to how their body moves, how they feel, the way they think or carry themselves. It means ignoring the pain Jim has been self-aware for a long time.

This self-awareness (the knowledge of the movement of their body and the working of their muscles) is the reason they have survived this far. Because surviving is what they have always done. What they must do now.

Jim will survive this, no matter what. No matter how long that fucking idiot Blackbeard angrily stews in Stede’s cabin or makes it royally suck for everyone who’s left. They will survive. They've survived far worse than a bad breakup between two idiotos who don't know how to investigate their own feelings. Not that Jim is one to know what emotions feel like. 

Up until recently they were doing a very concerted job of avoiding their own. Not once did they question how their quest for revenge was making them feel. Nothing, that was the answer; they felt angry. Hollow.. All of Jim's life was focused on killing los hijos de perras who took their family from them. They weren't raised with the kindness a grieving child needed or the compassion to better understand their pain. What they were raised with was an inherited blade and a learned sense of righteous anger. That was the emotion they were used to feeling.

Anger was something that had made itself home in Jim's chest. It never let up, not unless they had Oluwande to calm it. He's not here now. What is here is the gaping hole in what is left in Jim’s chest. Jim blames Ed; it's his fault. Jim blames Stede; it's his fault. It's their fault. It's… a lot of people's fault. But they suppose that it doesn’t matter whose fault it is in the end. 

Ed can spend a lifetime blaming everyone else but himself for the fact that other pirates are now afraid of him. It's not the fear born of respect that he had before. It's genuine terror. Ed is scouring the sea burning ships and armadas. He will raze Earth to prove a point. Blackbeard isn't weak, he's dangerous. He is a monster that destroys ships. Whenever you're in Port, all you hear about is his drastic reaction to getting his heart broken. Half the rumors in the bars are that they were just business partners and Ed was given the short end of the stick. The quieter rumors and the ones that are spreading the fastest were that they were lovers. Jim isn't even sure which one is true, but thinks it's the latter. Though to whom the point he wants to prove, Jim has no idea. The only person here that continues to egg Ed on in spite of all his failures is Izzy. And yet Jim can see that it's starting to weigh on him. This isn’t what he wanted. There's only so much heartbreak a person can carry you before it breaks you. 

We don’t get what we want in life though, right? La vida es dolor. Jim knows that the weight of it hangs heavy over their head. They wanted revenge, and yet the assassination of Alfeo de la Vaca left them cold. They had watched a second member of the Siete Gallos die, and felt nothing. They hadn’t bothered to pursue the others. The Gallos mean nothing to Jim now. Oluwande is the only thing that matters, and Oluwande is gone

All that’s left is a sinking ship. Still floating, technically, but dead on the water. Ed is going destroy it all to prove to the world that no one can hurt Blackbeard. Although, the way he lashes out gives the exact opposite impression. That a man who was so bereft of respect had discovered his weakness and exploited it. All that is left was a wounded animal. 

Even if Ed wants to continue his one ship campaign across the Caribbean, he is doomed. He has a small fleet of ships still flying Blackbeard’s flag, but he is surrounded by enemies looking to retaliate. They may be burning ships and going on more raids, but they still have to offload equipment and sell their goods. Even if Ed wanted to run the ship into the ground, he needed her floating or he would die before he proved his point to himself. 

Maybe if they had gone that way, they would have heard what happened sooner. Maybe if it hadn't decided to attack the Spanish they would have been able to pull into the Republic and let the bitter memories settle. But they had spotted what appeared to be a Spanish merchant ship, down to the smallest details. 

Once boarded, they realized that it was instead a prison ship. One of those that moved people deemed undesirable to places deemed equally so. Until then, despite his madness, Ed had limited the Revenge to scorching and burning English ships. Attacking the Spanish was a step beyond, and extremely risky. But a ship that transported prisoners? Fair game. Moreover, it was clear that a few of them would make decent enough pirates. Ed had offered them a place on the Revenge and decided to dump the rest off at a nearby port. 

It was a prison ship, not a merchant vessel. So Ed couldn’t use the excuse that they would get rich by getting sucked into attacking the Spanish. He could use and he would later on Izzy the fact that it had records of other prisoners, records of other ships captured.

That's why they had to pull into this unassuming port, one rarely used, unattached to any of the Caribbean islands. The city is small and unassuming. Near the far end of a still-unsettled region of the Mosquito Coast. It isn't an island like Nassau or Barbados. It is land , hard and unmoving. The Revenge had to get there because the Spanish ship had maintained records of the most recent arrests and transfers of prisoner. And within these records was a list on which Jim recognizes a name. It was the name of the man who had been first in their thoughts for months now.

The first and most prominent name on this list is “Edwards Thomas,” which Jim does not recognize. They have the impression that this person had captained a ship caught enacting piracy. The name itself isn’t as important as the names written under it alongside the report of the party’s arrest. They were the crew members of a small sloop that had been attacking ships in the area, though it was unconfirmed at the time whether they were pirates given the general dangers of the waters.

Jim is able to confirm their suspicions by reading the report of their arrest. The descriptions the Spanish used for the crew are extremely familiar to them. Jim also recognizes the phonetic spelling of Oluwande’s name. The rest of the crew’s names follow in a similar fashion. Jim knows in their heart that they have found what they had been seeking. They know where Oluwande is and could find him at last.

A familiar rage bubbles in Jim's chest, similar to the anger that had moved and motivated them when they were younger. That sharp rage only worsens as Izzy rips the documents from Jim's hands. Even though a few months ago Jim was not in a position to fight against Blackbeard's demand that they still be on the ship. That didn’t madder now Izzy was only able to motivate Ed so far with he  

Jim doesn’t even know why they were still on the ship; they have the ability to kill Ed; even if they could tolerate the worst of things. Jim could leave if they wanted to. They hadn't Jim first of all, don’t know where to start looking for Oluwande, and also don’t know how to get Frenchie off the ship. From Jim’s understanding of Ivan and Fang’s explanation, Ed had ordered the rest of the crew to be marooned on an island in the middle of the ocean. If that is the case, and Oluwande is dead, Jim will make someone pay for it. Eavesdropping on Izzy reveals that the speck of an island is really a way point for smugglers. Jim would deny it, but they hope that the crew had made it off.

Letting go of the anger for their family had been easy enough. Not because it didn't hurt any less, but because it got to the point where it was stopping them from moving on with Oluwande. This is different. New, fresh. This is Jim making the very dumb decision of fucking up Izzy's face. He may be better at sword fighting, but Jim is quick enough on their feet to get a couple in. As their fight moves out of the captain's cabin Izzy is back-footed and has one hand incapacitated holding the crumpled up page. Jim, however, is distracted by their rage. A new focused rage. The person that they love is in danger and has been in danger. 

The other names on the list don’t matter to Jim, not even the ones they recognize that knowledge is only enough to make Jim just a bit slower. Jim is out of practice in focusing that rage, but falls into that practice easily. Quicker in more ways than one. The fight is brutal. The two of them normally when they fight, are incredibly so. Against each other even more so. By the time they get out onto the deck, the Spanish soldiers left alive have been tied up with the deadbeing looted. 

Ed is drinking rum on the main deck. The noise from the two of them throwing the captain's door open, stumbling out. This is more than enough to catch everyone’s attention, prisoner and pirate alike, the door hitting the wall hard enough that if it hadn’t been made of boat timber, it would’ve snapped. And the theory of which their blades are hitting each other is sharp. Izzy falls back on his heel, his foot still unsure of itself, slightly unable to balance with the wound barely healed enough to where doesn't hurt. Jim is off-balanced. Izzy had gotten a few swipes in with his sword, which leaves their arm hanging slightly loose. A deep gash runs from the top of their shoulder down to their wrist.

If you didn't know any better, you'd think they are fighting to kill. Everyone does know better they are. This isn't a fight over some petty difference, this fight is to the death. The two of them are deadly and quick on their feet, equally unsettled. It's also an emotional thing. Izzy had also recognized the names on the list. Even if Stede was gone, the list presents enough motivation to upset Ed. Everything Izzy has done to get to the point where  Blackbeard isn’t actively trying to destroy the ship is something. All that hard work is to be tossed out of the way because Ed would suddenly grow a heart again. He would allow his former passions to overtake him and rescue Stede’s former crew from a Spanish penal colony.

Izzy would not let that happen. Jim wouldn't let him get away with destroying that list of names. Aside from the names on the list the back of it had the location where they'd been sent. If Jim could get that paper then they could leave. They'd have new mission, new rage, new motivation. Jim would destroy anyone to get that back.

Out on the deck though they had room they had space. There were also people in the way. Ed's crew wasn't the most loyal. To power they were of course and Blackbeard had the most power Izzy was quantified in that because he was the second in command. No one respected him. 

The crew that knew him, but didn’t respect him backed up. Giving Jim and Izzy the space to fight. It was either that or get caught up and maybe lose a limb or blood. They were vicious with each other. They had space, they had the room to properly fight but it did not change the fact that the both of them were incredibly deadly and running on other emotions aside from just anger. As wrong footed as Izzy has been he was now in an open space he could move how he was supposed to.

He moveds with strong fluid movements and controlled concise strikes. Izzy’s fighting style was as skilled as a swordsman as he was in a fighter known for winning duels single-handedly. He was just skilled with any big sleep motions. He had the build for it. Top heavy in the way that came with broad shoulder muscles built with the support to back it up. Not that Jim was any less deadly in the open space. They just had to be quicker, a thing their skill set was built for. It was striking quick motions against broad strikes.

It was two incredibly deadly people fighting under the blazing sun to the extent of killing each other. It wasn't even that either had agreed when they started the fight that this would only end one way. It was just the fundamental understanding of who these two people were. Jim had motivation to fight to escape the ship. Defend and find the person Jim cares for. Izzy had reason to stop them. Even if Stede had fucked off to his family, there was still always the hope the danger that while the rest of the crew was alive in the Caribbean, they could inspire him again or he could just get a hair up his ass one day and decide to stop playing pirate. 

What was important was that the two of them knew that this was a fight to end fights. The rest of the crew could recognize that also as they moved back, taking the tied up prisoners with them. The paper in Izzy's hand rested crumpled and damp with the sweat that came from exertion. It only had been 5 minutes from inside the room to outside here and this was brutal. As skilled as the two of them were, genuine endurance in a fight was not something they had. Not that they didn't have endurance but to continue to go at the level they've been at the top of their game. It was taking everything in them. So even if Izzy was back-footed, he knew how to fight in the open space. Jim was better in the cover of darkness. Watching the shadows and lines of walls, not other people's feet.

Jim was so focused on Izzy's sword swinging down swinging up going for their vulnerable spots that they'd missed the foot had ended up underneath them. When Jim hit the ground it was hard. They could feel it as their head connected with the timber and a ringing starred in the back of Jim's head. That had dealt with a lot of scraps when they were younger and scrappy. They would hide in trees to get away from Nana's training. Jim had to stop. They had a bad habit of underestimating how much weight a branch to take or overestimating. They would always fall out of trees and hit their head. Sometimes Jim’s ears would still ring. 

The new concussion left them disoriented. Not helping was the sun in their face and the noise of the crewmen shouting. A mix of Spanish from the imprisoned soldiers, and English from Blackbeard's new crew. An uneasy hazy feeling had settled behind their eyes much quicker than Jim was expecting to happen. Enough by the time they'd been able to turn themselves over and get up. It felt like they were going to throw up. A deep queasiness that came with being unable to keep your balance. Jim wasn't going to let this stop them, though. 

The only thing that was going to stop them was the hand placed on their chest by Fang. Not that Jim was actually going to listen, but it was enough to get them to hesitate. A loyal enough pirate to Ed and Izzy, but genuine and honest enough in the fact that he missed the crew, he missed Lucius. Jim was dizzy enough that they didn't have the strength to even attempt it. 

That wouldn't matter though it seems like Izzy also incapacitated by tripping. He was still prone on the ground. Standing over him looking like Blackbeard was Ed. He'd been in a mood recently before the raid, he was still in a worse mood after. In this moment it wasn't a mood, it was anger. The way Ed looked down at Izzy was barely disguised distaste for his actions. 

“What's all this racket about Izzy? It's one thing if you're in a fight with the pitiful excuses for Sailors you picked up in port. But picking a fight with Jim, what's this about?” Ed's voice was scratching. He hadn't been really talking recently. And the screaming, smoking, and drinking wasn't helping anything. It was the afternoon and it was hot. Ed was wearing his layers of leather. Pure disdain was radiating off of him with enough energy to nearly chill the deck.

Not that Izzy actually had the ability to answer. Ed pinned him to the ground with a boot on his throat and showed his anger. His other leg was relaxed, leaning back, but Jim saw him eyeing his wrist. Izzy was without a sword and pinned, just as effectively, if Izzy had been stabbed on the deck.

Jim was so hot from the fight and the sun and their dizziness wasn't helping any with the heat that was radiating off of the deck. They felt so hot and sticky. Ed's presence in front of them were just as disorienting. The energy radiating off of Edward was captivating; it shocked the crew into silence. All the gearing had stopped dead.

Captivating probably would have been a polite way to say terrifying. In spite of the heat and the sun, the chill that settled over everything was nearly magical. Added with the fact that Ed pressed the toe of his boot down just a bit harder. Jim could make out Izzy gasping while still holding the paper and finally he let it go to grab Blackbeard’s boot and pull it off his throat.

That was exactly what the captain wanted. With the ease of a man completely in control of himself. He bent over as Izzy was trying to pick himself up. A deep bruise already forming on his neck in the shape of the boot. Catching his breath, heaving from the exertion and the choking. He probably should have stayed prone on the floor. 

Ed held the paper in his hand. All the energy commanding the deck as he opened the list. He was keeping all the focus on himself as he unfolded the crumbled sweaty paper to look over the list.

The other important part of the list was the back. Written in Spanish was the location for the port they would be heading to. It was far off the beaten path of the Mosquito Coast. The entire part of the continent was under Spanish rule.

“Izzy, what were you doing? Fighting Jim over this list.” His voice was as cold as it had been sense everything that happened. The scratchiness from all the abuse Ed putting his throat through it wasn’t helping.

Jim could hear there was this fragileness hidden behind the question. They knew if it was just a list of names of random people, that wouldn’t have been important, even if those people had at one point meant something to someone Ed loved. What was important was the fact that it had the location of where they'd been taken. He could do something with that. Blackbeard can make some very stupid decisions with the place that they’ve been taken to.

“I was stopping Jim from leaving, sir. They would’ve taken a dinghy and left now if they were capable. I wasn’t trying to hide it, sir.” Izzy knew that was a lie. Jim knew that was a lie. Maybe Blackbeard was just high and drunk enough to actually believe it.

Even if Jim wanted to argue against Izzy, on the fact that was a lie. They couldn't. Their dizziness had gotten worse and their vision had started to skip out and get fuzzy and blurry. Most of the people outside of 10 feet started to look just like impressions. A queasiness has also settled itself and Jim’s stomach really was just adding to the fact they wouldn’t be able to argue or leave if they tried.

“Even so you've lost your step.” 

That was enough, a sharp, decisive blow. Izzy was a person who despite everything. Cared far too deeply about Ed’s feelings for him. The casual cruelty, to which Ed could attack him only served to prove how out of step Izzy had become with the BlackBeard persona.

That was the end of the conversation. Ed had looked over his shoulder for the first time at Jim before ordering them below deck, and to get looked at. No other order. No other threat of violence to leave.

Ed didn’t need to give Jim any more orders. Jim couldn’t leave and they didn’t want to. If it was also choosing to go to the port on the back of that list. Then Kim will stay long for this.

“No survivors of the crew and only let the prisoners join if they wish. After Izzy approves. We don’t need any dead weight.” Ed lifted up the bottle turning back to the side of the ship. “Take the fabrics. You heard me, Izzy. I don’t want to miss any more steps.” 

“Yes sir.” Izzy had picked himself off the ground and. This smooth slickness in his spine despite just having been embarrassed publicly was something that he can orient himself with. Following orders.

Ed pointed at Jim. “Fang get the closest thing we got to a sawbones and get them to look at Jim. They hit the ground hard.” 

That was all Jim was going to get as an acknowledgment that they were winning the fight. If two of them hadn’t been tripped, Jim probably would’ve won taking the paper. And with enough of the crew disoriented with the fight they'd have been gone.

“Your hurt, come on Jim, let's get you back to the Revenge.” Fang's voice was kind but off. 

The heat and the sun, the voices. The Spanish soldiers had started shouting again. A few of them could speak English, understanding the fact that they weren’t going to survive. The prisoners were also having the same crisis unless they proved their loyalty to BlackBeard. The noise of the crewman, starting to move the bundles of fabric. Jim turned trying to walk two steps on their own before that wave of dizziness that didn’t feel like normal dizziness. Their vision went out, they stumbled hard enough that they felt Fang’s hands wrap around them stopping them from slamming into the floor. 

When Jim finally came too, it was a lot cooler. The sun wasn’t cooking the ship anymore. They were back on the Revenge in their room. Ivan wasn’t ordered anymore to keep standing at the door anymore, so it was just their room. The space was never full of many things that made it feel warm, the few things that had in it were mostly bits and pieces Oluwande had been picking up. Now it was empty. There was a cot on the floor. That was it. The only thing in the room now, aside from Jim and their regrets, was Frenchie and his nervous energy and some food. 

Jim needed a moment to evaluate the pain in their body. It hurt but Frenchie had a cool bowl of water and had obviously put a cloth on Jim's head to help with what was obviously some form of  heat stroke. If that was the full extent of Jim’s injuries then Frenchie wouldn't still be here. The doc can just leave a person in a cool room and check on them every hour or so to make sure they get enough water and they'll be fine if that was it. 

Jim could also feel the exposed sleeve of their arm. Jim hadn't been wearing their jacket up on deck the heat was enough that it wasn't even worth it. If Jim had made the effort to put up with the additional weight that was carrying around the coat, it probably would have stopped the cut from being as bad as it was. The cut was wide enough that it was still fucking hurting and they probably needed stitches. Even if Frenchie did feel safe around Jim, he knew better than to give them stitches in their sleep. That would explain why he was still in the room, the logistics of the only other person on the ship who cared enough to try to escape. It was probably the concussion talking but Jim couldn't really think of another reason aside from medical attention. 

When Jim was in their body enough to give permission for the stitches to commence, they did with just a nod. They didn't want to speak. Their tongue felt thick and even if their eyes stopped being fuzzy, there was still this disconnect in their brain with their body. Everything felt sluggish. Even the process of their body registering the pinpricks as Frenchie started sewing up the wound. 

“What was that about?” The room had been quiet for 20 minutes before Frenchie finally broke. It was long enough that Jim’s upper arm was closed. 

Silence had always felt like an accusation to him. Even if Jim wanted to find comfort in it, they wouldn't be able to, not when Frenchie needed questions answered. 

Jim raises their eyes. They didn’t wanna answer. There’s no need to answer. Except for something compelling them too. “That list had Oluwande’s name on it. I probably would’ve killed him if I have a chance.” 

“Jim, it’s not gonna do what you want it to,” Frenchie said. 

“What do you want me to want? I get that you miss the rest of the old crew, especially the ones that you could talk to. This isn’t gonna work for me. I’m gonna kill Blackbeard. I’m gonna kill Izzy, but I’ll do it after we get Oluwande back. I’m gonna make every person is still on my way pay,” Jim said, still dizzy enough to need time to properly think of threats. 

“If you do that, we will be left on the ship without a captain. Are you going to be in charge?” Frenchie asked as he finished sewing up Jim’s arm. 

Jim gave Frenchie a look as he finished and started unwrapping the bandages to wrap up the wound. “ Oluwande will be here. He can be in charge of you. I just wanna know he’s safe.”

“We’ll probably be safer if you don’t intend to kill the captain,” Frenchie said. 

“That man has been terrorizing you for months, and yet sympathy for the devil.” Jim needs to let out some of the leftover anger from the fight. 

“He is sad he’s drunk. I can navigate a sad drunk, but you are not either of those things currently. And if we get there and Oluwande is not, or worse, he’s hurt or dead. You’ll be far worse than Ed ever was.”

Jim doesn’t dignify that with a response. The conversation is dead when you no longer reply. That’s enough for Frenchie. As he finishes up his stitches. He just wraps it and then leaves. Jim closes their eyes for a second. When they open them, it is dark out. Ivan does eventually come back the Sawbones is on his heel. There must have been a lot more injured people from the other ship.

He’s Hispanic, and there’s this cleanness to him that only comes from being in charge on the ship. Ivan said something, but it was muffled and Jim's vision still is disoriented. By the time their brain catches up to the fact that Ivan even left and the conversation is over, the doctor is still standing there. Having been on a ship for a long time, Jim holds their knife tight as the doctor approaches. At least the man is wise enough to be wary of a person who nearly bested Israel Hands in a dual hesitates.

“Captain ordered me to check on whether you have a concussion.” He said, still a bit away from Jim. 

“Really Captain Blackbeard. Didn't he order you to do that earlier when the sun was still up?” Jim knows they're coming off as aggressive. having Frenchie take care of them is one thing. A stranger from a prison ship is something different. 

“You weren't the only one suffering from heatstroke. And one of the crewmen on this ship got burned somehow earlier. and then a decent chunk of the time in between was taken up with Blackbeard threatening me directly to check on Israel.” He said, but it sounded like he was leaving something out. 

Jim raised their eyebrows. 

“Israel threatened he'd stab me if I told anyone, but as I was checking on him, Blackbeard was in the corner drinking fast enough to pickle his liver. He threw up. I've never had a sword held to my throat when I was checking out to someone to make sure they hadn't given themselves alcohol poisoning.”

Jim nodded but knew that wasn’t why Ed had him gotten sick. He has the list of names he read it. Probably tried to fill that void that opened in his heart by drinking as many bottles of alcohol in 10 minutes till he forgot Stede's name. Frankie may be able to deal with the sad drunk but Jim didn't have the patience. The threats of violence were also wearing super thin on Jim's care about the whole thing. 

“I’m the doc. You can just call me Fernando. I’ll be looking over Frenchie’s stitches and checking for a concussion.”The doctor had gotten closer. He was tall and thin, in a way that carry himself well.

“I don’t have a concussion.” Jim was always good at denying the truth. 

“Frenchie said you’re not eating and you haven’t noticed how dark the room is yet. Let me just look at your eyes, and then I’ll leave.” 

Jim doesn’t want to let him any closer. A concussion can be fatal if it’s bad enough. Jim doesn’t think it was bad enough, but it might. Despite everything, it reminded Jim about how fragile the human body is. Even though Jim knows it incredibly well, one well-placed knife will kill a man. At the same time, the human body can do impossible things. The captain surviving two stabbings in a year really also proves that point. Even though Jim will deny it, they are still holding on to hope that an impossible thing that has happened to Oluwande is enough to let the doctor get close. His hands are clean, and Jim notices immediately. Maybe he is a doctor.

He reaches out towards Jim’s face, taking time to be slow. It's dangerous to have someone that close to your face. Jim doesn't have a choice. The doctor's hands were clean and cool as they reach and pried Jim's eyelids open enough to look at their pupils. This close Jim can examine this face. He is handsome in a way that Jim doesn’t find attractive, but respectable. There is also peace and calmness in this man that Jim hasn’t felt in a long time. Never assumed they would ever be this close to comfort again. especially from a stranger. They held onto a sliver of hope that maybe they would get some when they found all the one day again. But like most things, they were in practice denying themselves the simple truth.

Jim couldn't fully examine that feeling, though, before the man pulled away just as quickly as he'd approached. he sat back on his heels. Even if he wasn't as close and just doing a quick examination of Jim's arm that peace still existed outside of him. He wasn't even trying to project it, it just was. 

Fernando stood up, satisfied with the examination. “Looks like you got a pretty bad concussion still going on. Your right pupil dilated slightly that's why you're sensitive to the light. You should probably just spend the rest of the trip in the port.”

“I can’t. I have to be ready..” Jim said, fighting to keep their eyes open. 

“You can only get your body so ready while you're injured. Take the time to rest. If you get hit again or overexert yourself, you can just die. Dropping dead wouldn't be helpful.” Fernando said.

“And you know what's helpful?” Jim asked, giving a dirty look. 

“I’ve heard whispers, and it sounds like we’re heading to a Spanish prison in Camp. If we really are going, you need at least be able to fight. If you're still nursing this concussion, you won't be any help. Are the people arrested friends of Blackbeard’s?” Fernando asked. 

“Friends of Blackbeard. That man doesn’t have friends.” Jim answered. 

“Well then, they're friends of yours. You seem pretty intent on killing Israel earlier.” 

“I guess.” Jim hesitates, looking for a genuinely answering… there isn’t one. It’s not on the tip of their tongue, it's there in the back of their mind. That empty feeling, whatever they think of Oluwande, is there. Friend feels like the right word but also not enough to describe the way Jim feels.

Fernando seems to take it as a respectable answer. 

“Fine but you should rest. It’s gonna take us a week or two to get there. If your concussion is minor enough, you should be fine then. But if it’s not, you might be out of commission for a longer,” Fernando said. 

“I don’t have time for that,” Jim protested. 

“Take the time or not, but your body is going to do it for you anyway. there are only so many things that you can push through. I don't think we're going to be raiding anything until we get to port. If we do, it's just going to be for supplies and Blackbeard picked up enough men. You're not needed. If you do go about it burning both ends of your candle. Won’t that defeat the purpose of it?” Fernando said by the door. He had one foot out of it and one foot in. 

“The purpose of what?” Jim asked.

Jim did have a follow-up. Or they would have if Fernando hadn't left as quickly as he'd come. He technically cleared Jim but also left the warning that if Jim didn't take the time to rest they’d drop dead. Even so as effective as a doctor, he appeared to be the cryptic to end the conversation. That is a question that's been nagging, Jim. What is the purpose of all this? Dealing with Blackbeard at his worst, there were more than enough opportunities to leave. After the first two months, they could have taken Frenchie and gone, but they choose to be here. 

In Puerto Cabezas, it was another thing entirely to get information. This part of the Mosquito Coast may be underdeveloped, but that’s exactly what it needs to be. Everyone knows the Republic of Pirates, but the Caribbean is full of a few places to sell stuff. The wilderness may not be developed here, but the city is but not like New York, or any city in London. Not that Jim has ever been there or will ever be. 

It’s developed like the Republic of Pirates, but there is still a rawness to it. Only the parts of the city that are closest to the port. They're full of drug dens, bars, and brothels. Inns and shops are a few blocks past that. Then there are the smaller houses and the craftsmen. The Mansions are the furthest but past that jungle. There is this part of the city that is still untamed and wild. It's one of those parts of the city that you deny is there. or somehow they're even worse activities than the stuff that's being sanctioned in the bars' brothels and drug dens. At least those are regulated establishments. It’s the part Jim is heading towards.

Fang is following Jim. It irritates them in a way that they can't quite place. He doesn't mean it to come off as him thinking that Jim is fragile. It's not, it's the opposite. Jim heard him crying and whispering to figures that aren't there about how we liked the crew. They may not have been the best pirates for at least they were kinder. Fang is also kinder off the ship. Away from Izzy and Blackbeard and their performance of masculinity. He feels closer to how he was around Lucius, but not there's always something missing now.

The manic energy that had settled over Blackbeard the closer they got to Port it wasn't helping anything. There was this untamed feeling that Ed would deny was hope, but it obviously was. It was like kind of fragile hope that as soon as it was broken would lead to destruction. All his faith was on the list. That piece of paper only had the location of the port and the names. It didn't actually have where the fucking camp was located. If it had, Jim would have run off.

That also might be the other reason Fang is with them. Even if it is a bit to decompress because Jim isn’t going to ask questions. Ed and Izzy could get the information themselves. If they went about the way they were going to, they would be in the city for a week, at least knocking skulls and taking names. They have the time for that. They also didn't. They didn't even know the crew was alive or how bad the prison was. Everyone knew how bad the Spanish could be to their prisoners.

The new crewmen haven't proved their loyalty yet. Somehow, Jim has proved enough that Izzy isn't even putting them in power to do the torturing to get information out of people. The captain had only set ten men. Eight of them into the pirate fronts. Two of them off to go find the area where Jim thinks someone knows something. 

Not that Jim needs muscle to get them out of the camp. All right, maybe they do. If the camp turns out to be as big as Izzy thinks it is. They might need muscle, they might actually need the crewman that Blackbeard picked up. Doesn't mean they have to like it or appreciate it. There's still this low buzzing in the back of their head Jim's calling anger. Anyone with a brain might think it's a concussion. God help Ed and Izzy if taking the time to get information any other way means that the person they love is put in danger.

Jim is used to anger the feeling of it in their chest. It settles some as they recognize the part of the city they’re in. There is a section of the city developed. It’s the part that is protected not by law or order, but because the people will not let it succumb. The area is fenced off and there is a sign clearly labeling it. It’s a safe haven for anyone who needs it. “ Amparar ” rest in blocky proud letters. 

It’s a warning. It’s a promise and it’s exactly where Jim needs to be right now. Ed and Izzy’s plan to get information is to bully the local constables themself. Probably bribe a few of the Pirates that have power in the area. Worst-case scenario, Blackbeard's new men just start killing people. That would take time Jim doesn't want to put into waiting for bloody knuckles to answer the questions. Jim knows that people here will have information. the information they need.

No matter how secure that camp is people escape or people give them things. People hear things at camp need supplies. No one‘s entirely self-sufficient out there in the jungle. At least no one's entirely self-sufficient out in the jungle if they're not from the jungle. 

Jim knows that there’s someone in this part of the city who knows. Walking through it with Fang on their heels, they’re just following their gut on where to go. Seeing the doctor from earlier, hopes to secure that feeling. There’s a shack where a woman lives in it. That’s what Jim has heard from the people In the more reputable bars. whispering in Spanish under their breaths about places to hide if everything goes bad. If anyone knows about the camp and how to get there, it’s her.

Chapter Text

Bedrest is possibly one of Jim’s least favorite things. Actually, Jim has a long list of things they don’t like. The top of them is not being able to do anything. It probably has something to do with the way they were raised.

Jim doesn’t have any memories of their Nana ever being sick. Or any of the other nuns they were raised around. There was this way Nana carried herself that was advertising to the universe. Sickness could try to take her down, but it wouldn’t work. It really wouldn’t. That woman was the force of nature in hell and earth. She raised Jim to be one also.

That came without resting. Only rest on the Sabbath; even then, when you are, you have to take that time to pray, ask forgiveness, and take steps never to falter. Sloth is the greatest travesty you can do. If you stumble, then you fall and dictation is just a downward slope.

So being on bedrest irritates Jim; it's the first up on that slope. Everything after that is the fall. Jim has never hit the bottom before. Even though they have committed sins, at least they were excusable. Justice and vengeance always make good excuses for sins. As long as you pray you do the rosary or if you have the ability to talk to a priest, then you’ve saved your moral soul. The only person who can judge you is God.

God isn’t here right now. Jim’s been praying but they feel like they’re being ignored. What is here now is guilt, the special kind that only comes with being Catholic. When Oluwande first said that they should be a family together. Jim had felt it sharply then. This part of themselves that their only reaction was to lash out and run. It did and they didn’t get anything out of it.

Jim can't run even if they wanted to. They are dizzy every 10 steps or so. Also, Izzy ordered people to actually watch the boats. Jim tried the third day. It took two of Blackbeard's new crewmen to subdue Jim and their fury. Frenchie had tried to warn them. Jim was shit at taking advice especially when it gets in the way of them doing what they want. Jim needed to do something about this terrible feeling.

Wallowing in their feelings was something they could do alone. With Frenchie, it was pushing it. And pushing it was always something Jim was much better at doing than taking the time to rest. The good old Catholic work ethic really was making sure that they were working still. It wasn't anything intense relative to the actual raiding. As soon as Ed saw that list of names his motivation was entirely on that. The single-minded focus, and what he was heading towards Puerto Cabezas was just as bad as the righteous anger he had immediately following Stede breaking up with him.

An Ed with his focus on something made him dangerous. There was a reason he was widely regarded as one of the best pirate tacticians in the world. Even as smart as Edward was normally, they didn't know what they were getting into. A piece of paper without the rest of the context only tells you so much about what situation you’re getting into.

The only assumption that they possibly could make was that it was going to be a Spanish colony. When the resources in Spanish colonies ranged from Havana to the other side of Mexico. Not including the ones that are further down close to where the Portuguese are like Peru. There isn't really a good way to know what you're getting into. Sure the English believe in some form of independence and then they choke you with their taxes. The way the Spanish go about building their cities in a brutal systematic way that fundamentally changes the world. They do a really good job of crushing every sense of what was originally there. 

Ed doesn't know what they're going into. Jim doesn't know what they're going into. Jim is lucky they know where they have to go. It's easy to find it, especially off the Mosquito Coast. This place is colonized. In their cities, there's infrastructure but further down close to Costa Rica. The part of it that's the rocky mountains and the still active volcanoes that make up the Nicaraguan coastline it's been harder for them to destroy it. The mountains make it nearly impossible the valleys are treacherous and the jungle itself is very capable of killing a man. 

Jim and Frenchie were on the stairs just within earshot of the helm. Ed and Izzy had been up there most of the day. Jim was helping Frankie repair a hole in one of the sails. It was simple work so it was something that they could do and not feel sick about, and it wasn’t so extraneous they didn’t feel like they were gonna throw up their guts. It’s been days and their ears are still ringing with the concussion.

“Captain!” Izzy shouted over the bustle of the deck getting ready to enter port Puerto Cabezas. 

“I can see it. Keep your voice down. Some of us are hungover.” There was a misplaced lilt that communicated something almost hopeful in Ed's voice. 

“You can see it. Have you figured out our plan of action?” Izzy's voice was still tight as he asked the question. He was given the same order of bed rest and yet he took it just as well as Jim did.

At least Jim's bad mood was mostly self-contained to Frenchie. Izzy’s had infected the entire ship. It didn't help that Blackbeard had a motivating goal now that wasn't just setting the world on fire he was actually working them at a brutal force that most pirates weren't suited for. Izzy's and Blackbeards' bad moods weren't helping anything. The two of them had been working the crew to the bone. The only people spared from the brunt of running the ship constantly as fast as possible were Jim and Izzy. Yet the man seems to take it as some form of punishment.

“What do you think?”  The question was an obvious threat.

“I think that this is a fool's mission. That list is from months ago. Even if those men are still alive, you don't know----”

Izzy didn't get to finish his sentence. There was already an embargo on mentioning the previous crew but that had been lifted with the list. It seemed like the rest of that threat wasn't gone yet. Mentioning the other former Captain meant violence still. Izzy was the only man stupid enough to tempt Ed with it, especially when he wanted a reaction.

“Yes, it is. Yet you said you served Blackbeard.” Ed leaned in close. “Isn’t this that?” 

Izzy says something that's too quiet to hear despite how close Jim is. They'll blame it on the buzzing still in their ears, not the fear that was in Izzy's voice. Jim had very little sympathy for the man at this point.

“I didn't hear you Iz? care to repeat yourself louder?”

“This isn't going to—are you going to burn the city to the ground to find information about a handful of men? We need an actual plan. If we mess this up, it's not just your reputation on the line it is the crew's life. This won't be death due to a raid or some drunken bar fight in the Republic. this will be because you decided to---”

He didn't get to finish his sentence before that choking sound got even louder. Jim couldn't see Izzy or Ed but could imagine the color he was turning. His skin was so fair anytime his blood moved, you could see it. The red on his face. It also wasn't going to be the first time that Ed choked him out on deck. The gasping and scrambling stopped, followed by a body hitting the floor and choking coughs.

“You're right. We need a plan. Izzy, figure out how many of the crewmen speak Spanish. We need some people who are going to have to investigate when we get to the port.” Ed said he was leaning over Izzy.

“Yes, captain,” Izzy said, followed by the scuffing of his boot as he got to his feet.

“While you're at it. Either voice your opinion louder or not at all. My temper is in short supply these days and we both know whose fault that is.” .” 

The way Ed said it wasn't like he was blaming Izzy for once. Most of the things wrong are currently being blamed on one man. If it wasn’t blamed on him, it was either Jim's or Frenchie's fault, followed by a bottle thrown at their head or in their general vicinity. After the list had been,   Ed had exhausted his obvious hatred of Izzy. The only other person to blame for anything is Stede, and he was as good as a dead man on this ship. Ed still didn’t have confirmation that he was alive. The only people they know were alive within the last two months were Oluwande and the rest of the Revenge's former crew.

That was enough hope to get Ed to have a slight personality shift. He didn’t seem to be as blindly aggressive as he had been to the imperialist powers in the Caribbean. It had to mean something. If it didn't mean something, that means that all this is for nothing. If it was for nothing, then Jim was going to burn this ship to the ground and take Blackbeard with them. One way or another, they will get Oluwande, even at the cost of someone's blood. 

Even with everyone working around the clock, they can only go so fast without dropping their cargo in the ocean. And give me an Ed’s major personality shift. That wasn’t something they could do. But it was hard work. It was an unrelenting pace, not help Dani, by the sense of a mania that seem to have fallen over red.

Everything here can kill a lesser person. It probably would but Jim is not a lesser person and damn the concussion and they're still healing arm. They have something they need to do. 

That was motivating Jim to continue to stay and not burn everything to the ground. Only the fact that one day Jim would be able to punish Ed. He was going to get with us coming to him one way or another either in this life or the next, but preferably this life. There was no force on earth that was gonna stop Jim even death. The only thing stopping them now was the shifting personality. One moment to the next Ed head-on from the boozing, shouting depressive mess of a man that he had been for months.

Ed was back to being nearly the same person he was when Stede first disappeared. That manic person was still sad. Except this time he wasn’t talking about why he was that way or what he was really feeling. It was this uncomfortable energy that no one knew what to do with it. The new crewman Izzy had found were brutal and effective pirates. They were people who didn’t know how to talk about their feelings, better suited for sharpening weapons and telling stories of blood sports.

They were nothing like Stede’s former crew. No one was ever going to be like The Revenge’s former crew. There is still something not exactly happy in how Ed carries himself. It was happy, but it wasn’t happy like he was actually joyful. It was more like he was putting everything into finding information about them. They still don’t even know if the former crew was alive.

Jim hoped they were. If not, Jim was going to kill Ed and Izzy and burn the revenge to the ground. Ed’s extra energy was its own brand of hell. It obviously made the rest of the crew uncomfortable. Especially because he wasn’t telling anyone why they weren’t going to the Republican pirates. No explanation, no justification for why they changed the course and were now heading to the Mosquito Coast.

Sure technically Izzy said they could sell their stuff at any port. Selling out of the republic has made it easier. You didn’t have to find fences. There were already people who established that it would do it all. All you have to do selling in the republic is know someone who knows someone and they can get it set up for you.

Very little interaction between both powers, especially because the Republic was British territory. The Mosquito Coast is Spanish. Technically, all the powers in the Caribbean hang pirates. The Spanish just take real joy in it. There's a special kind of violence in the way they deal with pirates.

Going to any port that flew a Spanish flag without a reason more than to sell goods that you took from a Spanish merchant ship. Meant that you were an idiot who didn’t know any better, or you were planning something and not telling the crew about it.

If Jim was more inclined to use their words, they probably would’ve been able to turn that mistrust against Ed more. Convinced one of the other pirates that it would be a good way to be the new upstart was to kill Blackbeard. It would be a great way to start out his pirate legend starting with stabbing Ed and Izzy in the back. 

Jim isn't as silver-tongued as Oluwande. Jim doesn’t have the manpower either, it would just be Frenchie and they’re only one person. Finding something like this camp is going to take work and time and energy. Jim doesn’t have to ask questions.

When they pull into Puerto Cabezas, the docks are clean and quiet compared to any larger port in the Caribbean. This is the best and the first sign that this isn't like the Republic or some of the other English ports. There is this stranglehold over society that the Spanish are some of the best, especially in the Caribbean. They have most of the gold trade and they're always getting more of it. It helps that the Spanish crown is always willing to hire wicked men to do terrible things.

Which is probably why the city was separated the way it was. Class differences showing strong in every Spanish colony. Sure, the English was oppressive and abusive and engaging in the selling and buying of men. Not to say that the Spanish were not doing that; there was this added special brand of adding an extra layer of institutionalized oppression. Teaching children with no other option the ingrained class system that they'll never be able to get out of. They will always be sinful and dirty. 

Jim didn't know who was in charge of the city, not that they knew enough about the actual people who hold power under the Spanish republics. That was Ed's job, and he was a brilliant tactician when not acting like a love-sick fool. So after pulling in and setting the men to work with ship repairs, starting with sending Izzy into the city to find a fence. It's easy enough for Ed put on Blackbeard again to lie and promise with a silver tongue that the information that he needs was men who speak Spanish to collect information. That it will be worth their while.

That he’ll give them a bonus or he'll just give them a ship. Ed is very good at making impossible promises that make men want to do everything he asked for. What he's asking for technically isn’t any more dangerous than raiding ships. Just to go into dangerous territory and ask leading questions about a prison camp that may or may not be there. Some people will tell you anything you want to know if you give them the price, others will tell you exactly what you want to know well they lie through their teeth about what they're really selling you. Ed didn't have the time to go over the nuances of these distinctions which his newly employed former Spanish prisoners and the hired crew Izzy had picked up from the Republic months ago.

The list is a month old Ed doesn't have the time to teach his men the proper way to negotiate. He doesn't even have the time to rely on Frenchie’s smooth-talking, he's too terrified and he works best in a two-person team. Jim doesn't have the time either they a lot can happen in a month people can get hurt and die. Being this close with the knowledge that most likely Oluwande and the rest of Stede's former men are close. Right in the jungle most likely. The city is too clean and polished, without the additional armament to show that there is a military academy or a prison in the city itself.

The harbor patrols that checked the ship for stolen goods don't even check the ships for smuggling nooks. Probably under the impression that the force of the Spanish being there would stop anyone dumb enough from committing an act of piracy in their waters. That's the thing about it Ed, he's crazy stupid. Sending out with a partial list of questions to ask and official. Then Ed tells them to try to be a subtle as possible if and if all else fails return to the ship and hide.

With the crewman that aren't trained for negotiation their instructions are broad just collect information figure out who to ask and where to ask and that kind of thing. Not what actual questions now or what to do with that information past giving it to Ed.

It's a fine enough plan. So it does surprise Jim when they're allowed to leave the ship. Ed knows they would run as soon as they find the information so they're giving a handler. Fang is suited for the job. Ivan and Fang are effective and loyal to Ed. Even if Fang was biased towards Lucius and Pete he wouldn't betray his captain, especially with how his mood swings are now. 

This part of the city was secretive. The people built it as the part that was going to hide things and conceal the truth from their oppressors. Allowing the people and the places to have secrets. That has nothing to do with the morality of the place because people know when it's good to hide from strangers. 

Finding who to ask and what would have been hard enough if Jim was on their own without the concussion that was still affecting them. Having two outsiders asking thinly veiled questions about prison camps and missing men wasn’t the best way to get information. It was the way Jim and Fang would have to get what they need. 

Thankfully, they weren’t asking around for over five hours after Jim started getting sick from the heat and not eating. Even if most of the people that live in Amparra knew better than to offer help for free. Having a stranger collapse in the middle of the street wouldn’t be good for anyone.

Jim was leaning against an ally wall trying to catch their breath. Fang was watching the street.

“Do you want to head back to the ship?” Fang had asked again. He'd been asking on and off the entire time, they'd been here. Especially after a particularly brutal rejection of any of their questions.

“No, I do not want to head back to the ship. I want to find what we're looking for and then I want to go take care of it on my own.” Jim said not looking up at Fang. The light is too bright. 

“I can see that but you're still sick from that fall--” Fang started. 

“And whose fault is that?” Jim cut him off.

“Yours.”

“Even if I did want to go back to the ship which I don't. If we return empty-handed after all this time you think Blackbeard's going to be nice to you?”

 Fang didn't say anything and Jim took it as the end of their conversation.

“I'm sorry ma’am, I don't mean to be blocking the alleyway but my friend is sick they have been drinking a bit too much.” Fang said to the stranger. 

“Must've been drinking a lot.” It was an older lady while her voice may have been soft-spoken there was an edge to it that she wasn't going to take anything or thing they were going to pedal on her to leave them alone.

“It's been hard--” Fang was cut off again as the lady spoke over him directed at Jim. 

“I've heard two new people who are asking questions about prisoners. Normally that's a sign that someone's sticking their nose in business that they don't belong to and then they disappear.” The woman’s voice was sweet even with the warning. 

“We're not trying to stick our nose in any of your business ma’am we're looking for some friends of ours.” Fang said.

“Well, you can ask me once we get back to my place. Your friend there needs to get out of the sun for a bit and I have refreshments that you can purchase.” The way she said it left no room for argument. 

“Thank you for the offer but I don't think we should---”

“You know where the camp is?”  Jim had found their voice again wiping their mouth with the back of their hand. It tasted bitter Jim hadn't been eating much so it was mainly bile.

“If I did. I would know better than to tell newcomers to our city who came in on what is obviously a pirate ship the answer to that question wouldn't I.” She said a sharp smile on her face. 

“You would do that if you like the local government,” Jim said. 

The lady looked over Fang’s shoulder taking in Jim’s disheveled form and must have seen something. As much as Jim was dispised to admit it was probably was pity. They didn't feel confident in themselves right now.

“Come follow me. I might have some information for you but we should talk about it out of the heat.”

With that she turned heel and started to walk away. Not even missing a step to look back and see if either of the stranger she's been talking to her was following her. She didn't have to. Jim pushed past Fang, setting off after the lady, making sure to keep a respectable difference, but not getting lost. Jim didn't even look back to know that Fang was following. Even if this was a waste of time at least it got them out of the Heat and into somewhere cool enough to talk. 

It was a complete chance really that the lady had found them. As they walked further into Amparar, the surrounding signs were in Spanish and a mix of the native languages. Anyone who is selling anything and asking this far into the neighborhood would have to know both. Even though the merchants in the area dealt with pirates Jim didn’t carry themselves like a pirate. They carried themselves, like an assassin, and that was more than enough to scare off some families as they followed the lady. Having Fang following them around didn’t help. It was two different opposing figures following the lady. 

Once they finally got to her house which was an unassuming place pushed between two large buildings. In letting Jim and Fang into the living room, she finally introduced herself as she went to the kitchen and return with the refreshment she had promised. 

Maria indulged and excepted their questions not answering any before Jim ate something. Out of the sun and in the Safety of her home, she had this kindness in her eyes. On the inside, it was bigger than the outside of the house looked. It sound like more people were down the hallway. The house must be connected to the two buildings it was pushed against. Thankfully Maria wasn’t denying the fact that she was hiding people who escaped or those who have been injured working in the jungle. Jim’s confirmation was the shadow of the doctor they had seen on the ship. 

“Can we see if we recognize anyone on the back?” Fang asked after a long silence. 

“Yes, try not to disturb them.” She stayed seated and pointed to a staircase that was hidden. 

Up the stairs the top floor had no walls and large windows. The space was well light and full of  people, those standing looked like healers or visitors. All of the people in the beds and the chairs looked sickly. Most of them looked dead. The only one who wasn’t was the person who was in the far corner. There was an open window back there, and Jim could make out the shape of a sea bird in on the ledge

It was probably blind intuition and desperate hope. Jim recognizes the bird. It wasn’t something Jim could have said a few years ago.

The man in a chair. He looks sick. Even in the sunlight, and warmth that was coming in he looked pale. Paler than normal and his already thinning hair was missing chunks. He looked starved and dehydrated. He was whispering in tongues more than usual to the bird.

The bruises on his face weren’t doing any favors. Not that Jim was afraid of anything. They would deny it because they weren’t afraid of anything. Even losing Oluwande wasn’t a fear. It was an impulse. Actually naming their emotions with something Jim didn’t have the capacity to do. Feeling things is hard to do when you don’t even know what to call them. 

“Buttons?” Jim asked voice quote and in shock. 

Buttons had never scared Jim, impressed more than anything. As old as he was, and surviving in their profession, it was something. Not much but something. Buttons carried himself like a man that would survive and out live everyone.

He was alive now, sick and nearly dying. He wasn’t talking just mindless wispers. There was this blankness to him that Jim and ever seen. Not the Jim had never seen it in person. You see it in a lot of people when you’re trying to murder them. This is different.

He didn’t respond. Buttons barely moved. It was with a slow turn of his head. A far away acknowledgment that he’d recognize his name but nothing else to indicate a reponse. 

Jim recognize that look in his eyes far away and hurt. Buttons was one of the older members of the crew and as ridiculous as he was to some extent with his nakedness and his birds. H was mostly an honest man and fine navigator. Kim didn't have anything directly negative to say aside from the nakedness but even that is just a cultural difference. Button does take in regard to respect the crew only doing it at night and alone. Right now he doesn't look like that confident slightly out of step person he was on the ship. A man who knew his worth and willingness to support a captain who was paying him more than he probably deserved.

Sitting in that chair he looked hollowed out. His eyes were empty and distant. The passive bloodlust that he always had was gone. They were just mirrors reflecting sadness. He is skinnier than he was already. You could see it in his elbows and in the shoulders. The shirt in was in was at least two sizes too big for him but it covered him. Buttons was just sunken in on himself this weight that he had to him originally was just gone. All that was left was something that looked human but obviously had suffered something terrible. 

“Is this the man you were looking for?” Maria's voice was soft. She must have followed them up. 

“One of them. Do you know what happened?” Fang asked in the moment braver as he aproched Buttons slowly. Having already disturbed Buttons it it was more pity. 

“He wandered in from the jungle.” Maria said coming closer. “He walked right into the center of our part of the city naked. He was muttering something about betrayal. I knew he was sick from sun or hard labor. At first I assumed he was just a pirate that had become shipwrecked further up down the coast. He didn’t fight until we tried to remove the shackle around his wrist. It bares the crest of the prison that's out in the forest.” She finished. 

“So there is a camp out in the jungle?” Needing a reason to look away from Buttons. Guilt was staring to eat at them. 

“Of course there is. No one in town with any mind is going to talk about it though. The governor's officials know better and anyone who speaks is charged with treason. The only people that talk about it are here and that's only because the illegal goods port move though here. I know the guards also get lose lipped in the bars.”

Even if this woman Maria was sweeter than that any other authority figure Jim had ever know. There was this bluntness to her that reminded Jim of their nana. That was undeniable, it made some part of Jim yearned for the similar times of just denying to her Nana that Oluwande was someone special. Some part of them missing being told by Nana that Jim was living a life of sin living with a partner out of wedlock. Once they stopped there mission of revenge Jim though they would never get that from her. At least Jim could now look back on it and feel grateful that the skills and the anger had hadn't completely left. It had a different target now right now it couldn't be Ed not till the Oluwasnde was back safe. 

As soon as he was back safe then that anger would burn Ed.

Jim could’t stay at the hospital any longer than they have to. Thankfully there's no need, they have the information. Even if Buttons is delirious at least he doesn't fight them when Fang grab him. He's light enough from whatever happened to him that he can carry Buttons which makes getting him back to the ship mostly easy. Especially because Fang is just carrying him through the city over his shoulders. Getting to the ship was easy enough. Jim and Fang we're physically imposing enough that no one was going to question them. 

Morality shouldn't have anything to do with parts of the city like Amparar to the offical it does. Everything has an underground. Parts of itself that it hides in the dark. The darkness made part of it easy getting in and getting out without being noticed. The only time they did get stopped was after they had left the fenced-in area with the sign that hung of kiltered promising protection. They were close enough to the dock that they could smell the sea breeze when a City guard had come up and asked them a question about Buttons over Fang’s shoulders.

It was an easy enough lie to say they were Sailors who just gotten in the port a few hours ago and there Quartermaster was already drunk. Thankfully the man believed them. If he didn't Jim and Fang wouldn't know as quickly as they would if they were confronted they were already down the street. 

Jim was also hoping Izzy and Ed were off the ship, and that they could go on their own. Get Buttons on the ship let Frenchie look him over. Then to not have Fang tell Ed let him know that Lucius was alive. Fang a softie would then help Jim. 

As luck would have it they were both back in the captains cabin yelling. They’ve been doing that a lot since Izzy had been building this quiet kind of anger radiating off of him most times. Then it would just bubble explode out his burst of anger. The didn’t seem like that now because it wasn’t Izzy yelling. With how Ed had been recently, and compared to when he was mad and was drunk. He was belligerent most of the goddamn time, but he was quiet in that. Kind of long practiced projection of fear. Blackbeard was, a master at his craft. Of being silent and stalking.

So to hear to Ed yelling. Meant something had happened, whatever it was, he would probably get worse. Once Fang informed him of who they had found in the city.

Right before Jim and Fang had left. Izzy and him had been fighting again. they were always fighting there was this direct bitterness at each other. Izzy's personal fear tactics weren't working anymore they hadn't really been working all that well for the past couple of months. To the extent that Izzy's tactics were even working on and seemed to more have to do with the fact that Ed was just sad it was pathetic really. Jim more than anything had been pitying them recently they weren't afraid of them anymore afraid of it anymore.

There was this desperation to the way he was carried himself that Jim was starting to understand came from a similar place to Jim's devotion to Oluwande. If either man had never acknowledged it then it wasn't Jim's place to point it out; still it meant that that was why he was so angry about everything.

Getting back to the ship was not with fan fair to the colossal achievement. Having returned with at least in of Stede’s former crewman it was quiet and somber. One is because Jim was still hoping to hide it from those assholes and because the City has arrested at least five of Ed's new crewmen Guards. There wasn't this acceptance that there wasn’t anything they could do to help. Just the passive-aggressive that those men were at fault. They were stupid. They were asking the wrong questions to the wrong people.

The crew, the way it was, was always looking for a way to one-up each other. There were at least a few members of it who were smart enough to discern that they weren't fighting about the fact the men had been arrested. It was the fact Izzy was still trying to get Ed to leave while Ed sees their arrest as an opportunity to get to the camp. 

They're both right and wrong. They probably should have left. Shouldn't have even shown up but Ed needed to know he needed that hope. Jim would deny it, but they needed it just the same. They wouldn't leave and before Fang and Jim could get buttons below deck. The captain’s door was thrown open out came Ed. It didn't look like he was about to shout at the crew, it looked more like he was trying to get away from Izzy.

He had opened the door at the perfect time to see Fang with Buttons over his shoulder. The new crew of the Revenge would be going into the forest. Sill sick he would give them a general direction and then Buttons would pass out and be given to Frenchie to watch. Lucius would also take that time to finally come out of the wall. It wasn't important for Jim to focus on everything else. All they needed to focus on the fact that Oluwande was getting closer to them it didn't matter about anyone else 

Chapter Text

The force was hot and the underbrush was thick. It reminded Jim of Florida. The part where they grew up there had been alligators and   Jim had even seen a bear one time. That was Florida and as developed as parts of it were, most of it was wild and untamed. The jungle here was hotter. The air was thicker with humidity. This uneasy feeling that was growing the more they tracked into the jungle.

At first, they had stayed on the path Buttons had described. It was easy enough; it was a road that passed through some farms on the outskirts of the city.  Then a few smaller villages made up of four to five buildings. The people living out here didn't want the attention of the Spanish crown. Or anyone. Even though this far out, everyone knew about the prison.

It was the worst kept secret possibly could have been. They could draw a map pointing to it, but no one could get you there safely. If you stayed on the main road past a certain point, you'd be killed by the guards. If you weren't easily identifiable with someone meant to be heading there. The only explanation would be a shitty prison break.

It wasn’t easy going off the main road into the jungle and just walking in a straight line. There's a reason the Mosquito Coast has been so hard to colonize properly. It’s a jungle but not just any kind of it is mountainous and Rocky. There are so many lakes and mountains. A person is more likely to be walking five feet into the forest and fall into a Ravine and crack your neck somewhere. Then actually find what you're looking for.

Very few people go looking for anything in the jungle out here. It's dangerous aside from the rough terrain there are the animals. Wild, like most things in the Central American jungles. Mostly the Predators, the big cats that are here, they're not afraid of humans. The animals in Florida are starting to learn. if only just the ones down here don't fear man. Even if you shoot it it's not going to kill it. If that wasn’t Enough man is just if not or more dangerous. Not the natives, the natives have every right to murder anyone trespassing their land. It's the people who are out there and they're not supposed to be that are the real problem.

Everyone's always looking for a secret somewhere. The group Ed had taken with him to try to liberate the camp had been small Relative to his normal rating parties and the fact that he had a fleet. 20 or so men are enough. Most of them were from the new crew that had just joined off of the prison ship. Enough of them knew someone in there to have an ax to grind.

The few that weren't from there were Jim, Frenchie, Fang, Ivan, Izzy and Ed himself. The remaining men were staying on the ship to help Lucius render aid to Buttons. He needs that level of care. Or Ed wants a scout to relay any information as quickly as possible.

Fernando had come along also to make sure the most men made it out of the jungle. The unnamed people (only because Jim didn’t care enough to ask). Should have been enough bodies to throw out the problem. Blackbeard’s Legacy is more than enough to get hapless recruits to think they'll be remembered. That Ed will make  remembering their names a priority well he never bothered. Ed rarely bothered to learn the name of his crew unless they were around longer than a year. The only names Jim had to bother with were Stede's crew. That wasn’t because Jim liked them, Oluwande did.

These men weren't important, they weren't anything. They introduce themselves and then Jim would immediately forget because soon either they were gone at the next port or at the bottom of the ocean. You don't live long in this career and you live even shorter lives when you're following a Madman fueled by grief. That's all Ed has been recently. The forest was dangerous, and the roads were dangerous. Everything was dangerous and yet he was going to do it.

Ed was either going to die on the Revenge alone in his self-pity sunk taking on too many ships. Or he was going to die in the forest looking for ghosts. Jim also knew they weren't going to live long but at least they hoped not to die in some jungle. They never expected to have much to their name but at least something better than letting nature win. They make a point to try to remember their name. It was an active process they had to do to care about another. They were never taught how to make friends, quick decisive movements are very effective when you are moving through life under the assumption that you're going to be committing a lot of murders.

The kid had to have been a kid. His face was young in the way someone who just reached 18 is. Jim doesn't remember being that young not because they weren't but because they were so angry then. They're still angry compared to most of the people on the ship. In the career they have he is older than most entering the profession. That hasn't affected things as much as you would assume. Jim is an outlier themself; they're older than they ever thought they were going to be.

The boy is young his face is soft, it's kind of tall and lanky. Jim knows they have a bad habit of picking out people with that body type. Not because it's not theirs but because of this bitter feeling in their chest. Their family was the same. Jim’s mom was skinny, not tall though. Their brother had always been smaller for his age even though he was eating enough. Jim’s dad had been tall almost six feet and thin in a way that looked unhealthy but wasn't.

That's how the boy looked like that unhealthy healthy thinness. Somehow he'd been lucky enough to get enough food to compensate for everything else. That didn't matter though it didn't matter before it wouldn't matter now or after.

He was just a kid and the terrain was dangerous everyone knew that going into it. Even if most of the ground was covered in moss, ferns, and just general Vines. It was still hilly and Rocky and every other turn was a fight to gain the ability to see the horizon. Either meant there was another Mountain you were going to have to climb or there was a ravine that was going to come out of nowhere. 

It came out of nowhere. It was an accident

There wasn't a lot of death in Jim's life that had been accidents. Most of it was intentional. murders always have an intention behind them. Accidents don't mean anything they just happen. sometimes they're just because you're not paying attention but the times it feels like it's an act of God. Jim couldn't remember the kids name, but his face was going to be stuck in their head forever.

He was so young and it was just gone. Ed hadn't been paying attention he was just marching, Izzy on his heels under the impression that if he pretended hard enough it would negate what they were going to do. If he acted properly this wouldn't be a death sentence signed off by a man fueled by grief and bitterness.

Even fi Izzy couldn't pretend hard enough or pay attention enough to make up for every crack in the ground and every tree root. There is aside from the larger prey and Predator animals the smaller ones, the bugs, the mice, the snakes. Sometimes accidents are acts of gods or because you're not paying attention. Then sometimes they're a mix of both. 

It was the snake of all things to set Ed off. It did set him off the animal came out of the trees it was massive. Then landed on him Ed grabbed it swing it around threw it off of him. That should have been the end of it he tossed it into the under bush then follow it up with something about a bar and grill and then try to shrug it off again. Hide or compensate for the fact that he had a freak out about snakes. Jim only had context because Lucius endlessly talked in the quiet of night because he wasn't getting enough inrichment hiding in the walls. 

Only Ed had the power to make a random force of nature or God feel like something intentional. to feel like it was inevitable. Jim can't remember his face. Jim can remember the sound of the rock starting to roll down coming toward the group. The terrain should have been more stable. it wasn't. They were much closer to the road than Ed was aware of. If he was he probably would have been paying more attention to the fact that when you clear out a road like that after having laid the foundations you need to put all the other material somewhere.

It was another reason why this jungle was as dangerous as it was. There were random piles of debris there. They're not secured with anything but the plants growing into them, sometimes fix the problems. Things just keep piling on the weight of colonization. That's what it had been the mountain they'd been walking next to was a facade. 

When rocks start moving it's slow like most things. Then it's loud it's this crushing noise as it starts to race towards you. Most of the group was passed the pile by the time Jim realized that the noise is getting closer. None of the men wanted to listen to Jim shouting for them to move quicker. The only one who was was the boy.

Jim still doesn't remember what it was like to be that age. They remember younger and they remember now but being that age. Being young enough that you are still a child and old enough that people expect you to now the consequences of your actions. There are always consequences to your actions. 

It's quiet the jungle is. it's not something the trees are used to hearing. It's normally alive with sounds far from animals birds and bugs. It's quiet. The only noise is the loose pebbles that are settling over the boy's grave. The edge of the cliff is stable enough that Jim isn't the only one standing over it the entire crew complement, is. It's not even that far down but having at least five hundred-pound boulders dropped over you isn't helping anything.

There's a fragile hope they all hold that up that he'll be fine but then he's not. The pile moves once shifting and settling and then. It stops even the rocks. The forest is quiet it's only a few seconds; it's long enough to be a memorial. They hold an apology that's never going to come. It was a random chance. Jim doesn’t know enough bout rocks slides to know if they can be triggered by anything. They had a hunch that they can be caused by sounds.

As soon as that moment of remembrance is over though the jungle is just as alive as it was before. If not even louder. Buzzing insects and screaming animals and squawking Birds. As quickly as he was here he is gone. Jim doesn't even have a name to remember them by.

“The fuck are you playing at? Are you not paying attention to our surroundings?”  Jim finds their voice quickly enough. As soon as they have it, it's very easy to direct it to Ed. They don't need to be quiet they're not close enough to the camp for it to mean anything. If they were the element of surprise would be gone in the rock slide.

“What the hell's that supposed to mean? It was an accident?” Ed nearly shouted. like the point of him being yelled at about the man's death was the same as Jim calling him a murderer. 

“A preventable one if you kept your mouth shut.” And that was exactly the case.

“I'm still your captain.”  Ed said in the town that meant everything about Blackbeard. That anger is a wonderful mask for a traumatic reaction.

“We both know that I don't think you are.” Jim responds with meaning it to hurt.

“How about I take care of you now? There's enough space down there for the both of you.” Ed says stepping to Jim.

“Same goes for you.” Jim tightens the grip they have on their knife. They've already made enough bad decisions for a lifetime what is another. What's another using this pointless anger to get rid of Blackbeard finally? Jim almost contemplates it. It is two seconds just long enough for it to settle in that if they do go through with it Oluwande is dead. Even if they made it out of the fight with their life Izzy would take care of them.

If they're dead no one's getting Oluwande. Izzy is going to take the rest of the men and head back into the City and then as fast as he can leave here. Or he might stay an extra day to dig up Ed's body. No one's going to take Jim, they will just be another corpse in this jungle.

“Never mind. You’ve clearly got some issues. How about you just keep your voice down and I'll keep my temper. We want the same thing right now but as soon as I get it… I'm done with this.” It takes more strength than Jim ever thought they possessed to let It Go for once. if only temporarily. 

“You can think that Jim. It was an accident. … You'll never be done with this.”  Ed beforehand and recently Blackbeard had the same thing this decisiveness when he spoke. He was concise now. Before he'd been drinking too much for him to make rational sense in a conversation. Going into sudden withdrawal to be sharp enough to rescue Stede wasn’t helping the temper.

It had brought back some of that cold rationality. It wasn't fully there yet Jim could see this feeling in Ed's, there was this part of him that was gone.Jim looked over the edge one last time before walking. There's never a point in dwelling on Grief. Doesn't do you any good unless you're going to use it to be mad at something. 

The crew walks for another two miles before Izzy calls it.

Ed is still running on the assumption that Hellfire and Brimstone are enough to take him through this. It's not like he can burn through his feelings and everything else but his body will only take him so far. 

The camp they make for the night isn’t anything special is had a fire that's it. The crew have rations and water from the ship no bed rolls for warmth or anything the like. It's not like they need it though. The nights don't get cold here. This close to the equator there's always a heat lingering on everything. Even every tree, animal, and rock, and that includes the rain.

As soon as it is dusk it starts raining. Rain isn't cool here it's warm and humid. Once it starts raining it's not going to stop. The ground gets soft and muddy. Thankfully even if Ed is a drunken asshole he's aware of the planet. Or maybe he's not, the ground just kept getting damper and damper. They might be in a flood zone. Izzy has the men move their fire to some shelter but it wasn't doing much. Even if the rain was warm water it still sucks your body heat out.

There was a chill over everything and this growing sense of dread as the area continued to fill with water. It was dark they couldn't see anything. Ed had a sense of direction where they were going Izzy had marked a few trees but that was it. The group could move to try and avoid the floodplains and the chill that has settled in their bones. The already soft dirt was turning into thick mud that sucked you in with every step.

The men wanted they couldn't without their captain's order. If they move they lose their sense of direction. Pirates navigating at Sea with nothing but Stars and the wind that's one thing. In a jungle that none of them were used to it'd be practically impossible. Even if they could figure out how to use the stars because the Stars are always the same.. a good sense of direction will only get you so far in the Maze that is this region.

It was bad enough navigating during the day when there was light if they left now it would be even worse. More crew would die the same way the boy had. They had to tough it out. Quite possibly the worst experience ever most had to rest somewhere. The area they found had flooded with about 2 ft of water. It only came up to their knees but the ground had gotten so soft that you sunk in. Everyone was caked in mud up to their waist.

By the time the morning came everyone was cold and muddy and whatever rest they were supposed to have that night was pointless. A foreboding had settled over the crewman that didn't know who they were going after. It made sense. A dead man is enough of an omen but a rainy sleepless night was somehow an even worse one. The rain stopped in the morning, but the clouds hadn't. A tropical storm; this was just a small break in the rain.

It was gray and overcast; it was enough light. It had to be they couldn't stay there any longer. The water had barely receded as soon as it started to pour again the area would fill up. Every part of the forest was a floodplain. It was all downhill to the coast full of valleys and ravines. Even if the men didn't want to move, every step made mud flakes off it was a fight through the floor.

They had to move, and probably even would have if Ed hadn't ordered them. He was still pretending like he was in control. Following a bruised sense of direction deeper into the jungle, looking for the camp. It Would Rain the rest of the way there on and off. At least the rain would be good for something if only one thing and that was hiding their approach.

Even with the rain, it was muggy and hot. The ground was thick with mud, making it hard to traverse mixed with the branches that had finally given up with the water weight. Or maybe it was just Jim hallucinating they could swear they could feel the jungle growing taller the vines climbing out to reach for them. The bushes break the normal confines of the height they grow to not caring for the laws of nature.

If they were Jim wouldn't be hallucinating. Or maybe hallucinating, isn't the right, word it's probably closer to guilt. Jim didn't know the kid's name. All they knew was he was young. But that's a dime a dozen when it comes to Pirate ships people rarely live to be old. The fucking miracle that Ed and Izzy were old enough to be bitter bastards. He's not unique. That's the thing, there was nothing fundamentally unique about the boy. He was chatty sure but most young men are. He was overconfident, of course he was at his age serving under Blackbeard. If he had made it out of this, he would have been respected enough to be hired on any other ship.

That's a lot of it's buzzing Jim’s head in the Heat and the humidity and the pouring rain. There is still a chill that is settled over Jim. Their eyes mostly, first they were blaming it on the concussion,  which they are mostly over. But there's that part of them that believes in ghosts and saints that knows they are being haunted.The boy looks so much like their father. 

Passively noticing people that look like your family usually doesn't affect Jim. The Caribbean is full of a lot of people that look like their family. It's full of a mix of brown and darker skins by choice or not. So noticing people who look related to them isn't that uncommon. Actively thinking that someone looks like their father is not something Jim is likely to indulge in. The rain and the chills and headache that have been developing.Ed acting like it's not his fault. Izzy yelling out orders while they march makes Jim feel too much like a small child.

That part of them that is still wild and feral. They survived the jungle for 6 months because they had to. The part of them that tried to forget their father's face. Is clawing for someone to blame. The only person is the dead boy. As much as Jim wants to blame Ed for this act. He has a list long enough to wrap around the equator, for once this was an accident. An act of God and the truest sense. Then that means the person to blame is the boy and God. For all the problems Jim has in the world they are not allowed to blame God.

He never gives you more than you can handle. Jim is just tired of the higher power thinking that Jim can handle the entire weight of the world. So far their shoulders haven't broken. Or maybe they have the lingering dizziness they had for weeks after fighting Izzy. The guilt that's been consuming them. That far away look in Button's eyes as he admitted that Stede was alive and so was Oluwande. Even the distracted barely focused energy that Ed was carrying himself with.

 All of it would destroy a lesser person. Jim can't be anything but Jim and Jim was not lesser than anything. So it's a ghost, it's a hallucination, it's a figure in a forest of a dead boy. Jim is never going to learn the name of. The weight of it is something Jim can shoulder they have to; it doesn't change the fact that they will carry it no matter what. The world doesn't stop turning and neither does the rain. 

If anyone was more aware they would have realized that it was monsoon season. Raining on and off in extreme weather. The humidity never let up. The heat of the Jungle and every time the rain stopped the bugs would come out and bite and pick at them.

The trials of actually getting through the jungle didn't matter anymore. They can smell it before they could see it. Or maybe they heard it or maybe Jim was just delusional and still seeing images of a ghost. The forest started to thin in a way that wasn't a natural clearing or an animal knocking down trees to build the nest. It was thinning in the way colonizing men do. Violent and brutal. Without regard for the future or the present. Not thinking about the consequences of destroying of forest without planting new trees or thinking about the reasons why the jungle is the way it is.

There's a bare spots in the forest that show that it's either a trapping spot or that they just cut the trees looking for strong logs. The gaps especially show they're getting closer as they go from a trickle showing that they're moving deeper into the forest. To large acres and swaths of land cleared. It's one to the final ridgeline before they actually see the camp. All those piles of loose debris and the jungle anger that sits in the land itself make sense.

The prison is massive. A marvel of stone and masonry and stolen skills and trees from the natives. It is obtrusive and large. The bricks are all cut uniformly in a way that you only get when you force the labor. They're still new enough with only the ones at the base getting moss starting to grow on them.

The prison was just finished at this scale. So the mortar is still fresh and strong means. That looking for a loose Boulder or a crack in a beam somewhere it won't help with faling in the gates. Even if Ed is not thinking acting more impulsive than he should be as the master tactician. He is smart enough to know that if they're within sight of the prison. Then guards walking the perimeter could see them. They have to take more to walk further up the mountain so they had a view and make sure they finally properly raised up sleeping positions.

Jim felt this energy under their skin. This need to move and do something. The prison was right there and Jim get a laundry back or die trying. They were outnumbered, the men were tired exhausted and the death of the boy still hung over everyone's head. An act of nature at Sea is the cost of doing business. Dying in a storm or to a random wave. Those happen they're preventable but they happen. If you die at the sea your body is given to it as it should be. Dying on land is usually more closely considered a terrible thing to do for a pirate. To have your body be so far away from the sea that you'll never return.

Jim didn't know if the boy believed that. Jim doesn't even really believe that, but what they do believe peopel deserve the right to die with a sense of dignity. Raiding the camp in the state they're in would be the opposite of that. At least Ed was smart enough to realize that the men needed at least a day of rest.

Ed spent most of the day watching. Sending out the quickest on their feet to be careful and walk the perimeter staying uneven distances away to pass off as animals getting too close and too curious. With the direct warning that if they return being followed Ed will gut them before the Spanish soldiers even have a chance to. It's an effective threat with Izzy, Jim's brutality is not hidden but it is quiet when compared to Ed. It is quiet when compared to Izzy it is even quiet when compared to Stede.

Jim's quietness is enough to know how to watch. Even though Izzy orders Jim to spend most of their time resting. Jim doesn’t make sure to take note of guard rotations. Trying to find any in into way into the prison. It's so new that doesn't seem to be any flaws foundationally. 

It was a prison camp and yet it was being run like a treasure fort. That probably should have been the hint that there was something more than just a camp here. A place where undesirable men are sent to work hard labor. A place where no one gets out. You either live long enough to die of the breaking labor or they'll shoot you.

The place was too well run for any fuckery to work. Or maybe one would have worked if they had more men or Ed hesitated a second more. He wasn't thinking with his brain. A day of rest was one thing but then giving Ivan and Fang the go-ahead to blow up the South Wall was a bit too bold of an action for anyone to come out of it unscathed.

Chapter Text

Despite everything, actually getting into the camp was easy after the rain had stopped. The hike was hard, hard, but waiting in the rain was worse. People always talk about rain being this cleansing Force. Nature cleaning and healing itself. Jim doesn't understand, and either does Ed. Rain isn't this cleansing Force, it's this primal thing that hides. It washes away the grim but not because it's trying to make it better but because it doesn't want it to be there.

Jim knows holy water the same way. There was a short period when they were a little kid they convinced themselves that it burned. It didn't; it was just the heat from the Sun and the knowledge that no matter how many times it blessed them to enter a church, it never stuck. They had to do it again every time Jim entered hallowed Halls.

That's the thing Ed knows rain isn't a cleansing Force. The tidal wave it's a monsoon. After the rock slide, it was easier to walk. There was a weight to it. There's a weight to everything they're doing, there's a price to this.

Everything has an unequal reaction to it. There's a brutality that most people who are pirates get used to. The human brain can get used to so many terrible things. The constant guilt, the weight of sadness and anger, also terrible situations of torture, abuse, and violence. 

It rains again the night Ed sends Fang and Ivan to blow up the wall. Jim goes with them even though their skills weren’t suited for pyrotechnics. Every two hours, four men would walk the walled perimeter. The rain makes laying the fuse and making sure everything likes without being ruined that much harder. They could have taken another day to wait, but waiting was never Ed’s strong suit. Or maybe it was, and he'd been waiting long enough. 

Ed would have to wait longer, though it was raining too hard for anything to blow. Fang, Ivan, and Jim could make it back to the camp barely by the skin of their teeth before the next rotation. Thankful that the rain was hard enough and the ground was muddy enough to cover their tracks and the gunpowder residue that didn't blow. For now, the small group had survived the suicide mission, but even then, it meant little. Waiting wasn't only weighing on Ed. Izzy’s incense, asking for a plan. Spreading that prickling feeling that he was amazing at focusing on every other crewman. This waiting seemed to have Izzy spreading his despair even better in the rain.

Especially for the crew. Most of them still didn't understand fully why they were out in the jungle. There were two completely different understandings from most of the men. Some thought it was part of a revenge plot against someone who had terribly wronged Blackbeard. Whoever he was were in the prison camp and he would not let the Spanish get the pleasure of murdering him. To the others, a few had talked Frenchie or had heard him singing. Partially understood the truth that the man inside the camp that they were hoping was there was a former love.

The camp is over-staffed. There are so many people everywhere. Most of the guards were most likely overworked and underpaid. Most are only partially aware of how easy it is for them to become prisoners in the camp, or maybe they're super aware. The crew of The Revenge could make out a few gunshots over the days they were watching. Killing a prisoner wouldn’t do anything to help with morale; it was an amazing show of force. As kind as Oluwande was, Jim was asking whatever God they still could find to believe that Oluwande hadn't been one of those gunshots.

The rain and the weight of everything were really weighing on the men who weren’t used to it. Surviving a storm on this ship is one thing. There is a set of tasks that you need to do continuously and daily to make it out alive. You don't do them, you die, you do them. You die at sea whether you live or die is up to the ocean and the weather. On land it's different. It's the weight of knowing that over that ridgeline is a camp full of men who have been tortured. Guards that wouldn't think twice about putting a bullet through your brain.

The men have lived hard lives. They have fought a one up to this point. The men here knew how close they were to being those in the camp. Most of them were on a ship that was heading here. This wasn't for survival, like fighting in a raid attacking a ship for anything like that. This was survival because you committed yourself to one man to prove a point. Especially when you don’t even know what point you’re trying to prove.

Getting into the camp is easy enough. Fang and Ivan would finally blow a hole in one of the side walls. Enough Of the gunpowder was dry after days of storms. A hole big enough to give the impression that there were at least a hundred men or more than the 20 they had. Which was great, because that was that was the distraction. The actual plan is to rush to the front once the back explodes. No one would be stupid enough to run in through the front door if there’s a hole through the sidewall.

Normally no one would be that much of a dumbass to have their entire plan rely on a frontal assault when you're outclassed and out-manned. Ed, although he is in his feels still is a smart man. The distraction of the explosion is exactly what they need. Sure, these men have lived hard lives and have fought and scraped for everything they have. But most of them aren't trained for pirate raiding tactics, not what they're doing. They need the element of surprise, and if a general fuckery is good at one thing, it is surprising those you are attacking. 

When the wall explodes, it is one of the loudest noises Jim has ever heard of. It makes their ears ring again, but quieter, only disorienting and distracting. It's also one of the largest explosions that Fang and Ivan have ever pulled off. Jim passively thinks that if Wee John is still alive, which part of Jim hopes he is. He would appreciate the size and the thought put into manufacturing a bomb that big. The ring doesn't go away, but neither does the hope they can pull this off. They'll survive. 

There is a moment of hesitation between the explosion and hearing all the guards shout and run before Ed decides it is time to move. Enough time to make sure the guards are focusing and moving their attention over. At that moment, the shouting gets frantic, even more so than it was already. There’s a fire spreading.

Fang and Ivan couldn’t have picked a better wall. The wall was part of where a lot of their dry goods were stored, and those were always quite flammable. Ed ordered me to rush the door. It's one of the fastest times Jim has ever run. The pounding and the pulsing and the Deep feeling in their body as they ordered their body to move despite the pain and everything else happening. 

The first two men to reach the door are two Spanish men who are around Ivan's size big and Broad in a way that is meant to carry force. They do, unlike the walls the door is wood normally they are reinforced but currently, they're not. Ed perfectly timed the explosion for when they did one of their shift changes where they sent men outside.

As they had observed over the days they always open the gate about twenty minutes before because it was such a hassle to open it quickly. Barely opened enough and stopped in the moment before they could relock it and that is enough for the two men to get in between the two doors and wretch them open completely. Using logs they had taken from the forest to make sure the door was held open. Then it was more scrambling into the open area trying to figure out exactly where the prisoners were. 

“¡¿Quien diablos eres tú?!” 

Not everything can go off without a hitch. Jim is the closest to the guard. He just appeared out of nowhere, and as quickly as he had appeared, he was gone. Choking in a pool of his blood as he fell onto the floor.

There was a second moment where Jim felt something inside of their chest move and wriggle, which means they were afraid. That's not something they have felt in a long time. The feeling is probably not fair. Jim is afraid constantly of losing Oluwande. This is a distinct feeling. It's deeper, and it is still about him seeing him in any state other than healthy and safe.

Even passing thoughts of Oluwande being hurt. Jim feels that deep sense of not just their want of  revenge but the deep purpose that comes with it. That part of them that can justify terrible actions under vengeance is necessary for the weak and those you can't protect themselves. Protecting the week though is and has always and will always be Jim's justification for violence. It is ingrained in them that is the way to solve the problem of people lacking power to fight back. The ability to enact violence in the name of people who you don't know who need protection is a powerful and wonderful justification for horrendous actions.

Before this and after this Jim will do terrible things Murdering every person they come across who even put some minor resistance in their way. Is effective. No one on a good day could reasonably fight Jim. The only person who came close to their skill level was Izzy and he was busy leaving his own bloody trail of Destruction through the prison.

The brutality of men better suited for a pirate ship is something to behold on land especially when the opposing force is unprepared and running towards a problem. It's too many men who are still standing in their way. The fire is spreading quickly and ferociously. They need to focus on that. Every straggler, every person who has hesitated a second too long after them breaching the gate is dead.

Not just by Jim's and Izzy's hand but by the rest of Blackbeard’s crew. As Jim killed more men this terrible sense of pleasure started to build in Jim’s chest. It's something that Nana never talked about. and even if she had Jim doesn't remember it. Jim hopes they would remember a conversation describing feelings of bloodlust. Not just the enjoyment of taking action in Defending those but the enjoyment of Taking Lives. The pleasure of maiming and permanently ruining and destroying a life.

This feeling builds and twists and it reaches its Crescendo as Jim pins a man against a wall. He's assuming. The fabric under his armor is a different color than the other guards. It is slightly finer, less frayed and worn. It is taken care of in the way only a man in charge of people has time to order them to do.

“ ¡¿ Dónde están los cuarteles de prisioneros?!” The man asks  as Jim starts to crush his windpipe.

“ ¡ Muere cerdo!”

“Vas a morir sin importar lo que hagas. Deberías haber tratado de hacerlo sin dolor.”

The man spits in Jim's face for that one. Before Jim can slice his throat Blackbeard comes up behind. Even as tired as he looks he still is a commanding presence. This man seems to recognize Blackbeard for what he is.

“One of my crew asked you a question. Answer it and you might be able to make it into the forest. If you don't I'll cut out your tongue then I I’ll drag your body through the camp and tell whoever is in charge that you gave us the information.”

“ Your worthless--- ” Jim presses their wrist further into the man's throat.

“You have 10 seconds to answer. Take your chances with us or you can take it with whoever's in charge. From the state of the camp and the fear in your eyes, I think you know which is the better option. I can just let Jim kill you now and then you don't even get the option of trying to survive.”

“ It is Westwood, ” The man coughs. 

“What was that?” Ed leaned over Jim’s shoulder asking. 

“ The building they're in it's in the west by the woods. You'll find who you're looking for in there. ” He pointed and tried one last time to pull Jim’s hand off. 

“Smart man.”  Ed gave the compliment but then was immediately undermined. “ Jim kill him. None of them will make it out of here alive”

Even though Jim still detests Ed and under normal circumstances would rather eat their tongue than listen to an order from him. Jim was going to kill the man anyway, no reason to further labor the point. Arguing against it was just as useless as this man and he choked and struggled to breathe with the hole that was now stabbed through his throat. 

In the chaos and the rushing of everything Jim should be able to get away except Ed is motivated by finding Stede’s people. Aside from the burning rage engaging in Jim’s other feelings. This pit fills with some sense of pride that even though things are chaotic they're going to be too well. Part of the prison caught on fire and that is taking the resources and manpower that should be dedicated to fending off invaders but…it's too easy there isn't any resistance coming from anyone.

Ed gives some order to Izzy to start picking off men covering their trail. Izzy tries to protest but can't because he's the person that the Spanish men are listening to more than anyone. They want to go kill these men. Ss does Jim but finding Oluwande takes priority. Jim needs to find him before anything else happens. 

Ed is on Jim's heels in a way that looks motivated by the same goal. Maybe for a moment, they are getting the information to find out where Stede's former crew was being held. Know they're not, they've never and they haven't been in months. As soon as they make it to the building. Ed throws the door open and is quickly confronted by a guard. Though the man’s first straight was powerful, he's not strong especially when Jim and it have the element of surprise. The face he makes at Ed disemboweling him is quite specific. It is burned into Jim's mind as all of the faces of the people they've killed are. The most recent isn't even the face of someone they killed that boy from the forest again.

Before getting caught up in that guilt… it is not important and won't do anything. Thankfully as motivated as Jim and Ed are to get back something that they've lost or through their own actions removed. As common as those goals are for that moment as soon as they're in the building Ed is off and down some hallway around the corner motivated purely by aggression.

Without a second hesitation, Jim is just the same way. The building is empty aside from the one guard, the rest are sent to deal with the fire. After all, who was stupid enough to try to break out during a fire? Or smart enough?

Despite the building's small size on the outside, it was tall and the hallways were made to confuse the prisoners. At every other door Jim passed they were greeted with shouts. Mostly Spanish insults and words not best repeated in polite company about Jim's body, their hair. If Jim had more time they probably would cut out their tongues. If Jim is to get Oluwande back, letting these men suffer in prison is fine punishment.

Jim continues to twist which is disorienting. It feels like hours but it's most likely a few minutes when Jim finally does run into another person. Guarding a door down a hallway that's quiet. There's no other prisoner here now. Maybe that should have made something in Jim rise with suspicion but it doesn't. Jim is better suited for killing with the element of surprise. This entire endeavor this raid has been nothing but rushing in. The only part of it that came with some obscuring of what they were going to do with the explosion.

Even then covering a frontal assault with an explosion doesn't add anything to the element of surprise. Jim can kill without it. Jim can look the man in the eyes as Jim stabs him through the chest. Even if he's alone now in the hallway having him scream would defeat the purpose. If anyone finds out the men in jail are more likely to sell out Jim then be quiet about the guard being murdered. Even if they're distracted by the fire a shout like that about a Prison Break would get everyone's attention.

Jim is used to looking people in the face when they die. This man doesn't look surprised or aghast he looked…smug like he knew something Jim would never let them know taking it with him. Jim didn't have time to think about that because needed to find the keys. 

The keys slip slightly in Jim's hands covered in the blood of all the men. Or maybe it was because Jim's hands were shaking for once. They don't shake when Jim holds a knife, they are steady, they are confident, and they never hesitate.

Sliding that key into the lock makes that sick childhood fear bubble and turn because if they open the door and Oluwande isn't there he is somewhere else which means more time in the camp. More chances of them getting caught. Jim can't stomach that.

Or worst of all he's there but he's dead because Jim showed up a moment too late. Those are the only two extremes that exist in Jim's mind, a universe where he is already gone, and a universe they will never get the opportunity to see again. Neither of these are true or maybe they're both explicit versions of the future.

Jim has never been one for prophesying or thinking of the future because they've never assumed they were going to live this long. As the key enters the hole and the door unlocks and swings open. Jim's heart stops and shuts. Most of the room is in Shadow except for the light coming in through the window. The camp is soaked and the building on fire is far enough away that the fire is only casting a glow. 

The light coming through the door is just enough to settle a halo around his head. Almost the  effect of whispering of dawn from the fire. even still as beautiful as all along they look now that you can see him again there is that fear. like in a moment from This Blink to the next he will disappear and Jim will never see him again.

The fear isn't helped by Oluwande not moving. He is almost on the floor, bearly not touching on a thinly stressed piece of fabric being suspended two inches off the ground but at least it's something off the concrete. At least something to keep the chill out of his body. That fear is still there, Jim wants to shout for him to wake up and move.

To feel the same excitement Jim did when they were returned to Revenge after they decided not to continue their quest for revenge. They can't a surprise attack doesn't mean anything if you're shouting because you found your loved one. It defeats the purpose. There will be time to celebrate after. As quietly as Jim can they move to him, watching the rise and fall of his chest.

Oluwande is the only person in this cell. The walls are too thick for Jim to know who's in the other ones. It was complete luck really that this happened to be the self he was in. Jim wanted to wake up Oluwande and then leave. Take his hand and run and never let him go again. Screw the ocean and the jungle if they tried to take him back.

Jim kneels at Oluwande’s bedside and feels the need to ask for forgiveness. To actually ask for an apology from the higher power. Jim hesitates in knowing whether God will answer. On one hand, if he answers and Jim doesn't get what they want then all of this is for nothing the pain and the fight. If Oluwande is too sick or hurt to move them running away isn't an option. It would take too much time to find a horse and a cart to carry him. If Oluwande was near death then they were going to burn everything to the ground.

Jim kneels and reaches a hand out as slowly as they can get their body to move. Jim grew up practicing catching mice. Being an assassin is a balance of quick forceful movements and deep slow methodical ones. It is in between those two extremes working as a balance. Jim's hands don't move slowly to offer kindness normally but now they do.

Reaching out to Oluwande watching as the slow rise and fall of his chest stopped. Right before they can reach his hand. Take in the weight and the warmth of him again and Jim feels it inside of them in that moment. The scream of pain bubbled up inside them. 

Something deep and horrible opens inside of them for just the second between that and Oluwande waking up. Jim's hands are in the air. watching. The light returns to his face and he looks so different from how Jim remembers. He can't be all that different because if he is different then Everything Has Changed.

The moment Jim's hand stays in the air hovering above Oluwande is long enough for him to realize that there's a person in his cell. A person that was reaching towards him. He scrambles back slightly half awake leaving Jim kneeling with her hand in the air.

It is a sad sight. Jim feels the weight of everything they've said to each other and everything Jim has never been able to articulate. Jim will blame the humidity and not eating enough on their hike, having to deal with Ed and Izzy, and watching that boy die. All Jim wants to do right now is crawl into the cot and curl up and not move till Dirt has covered them. They can't because they need to go they need to leave. 

They can't stay here any longer than they have to because the rain has stopped long enough that there are other men planting fuses around the prison. That is only giving them a short amount of time to get the people they want.

Jim finally closes the gap. Oluwande’s hand is warm and rough opening up as he takes Jim’s calloused in his. He is still pushed against the wall; he's slightly disoriented. Oluwande’s breathing is quick and there is this far we look in his eyes like he's imagining Jim. 

“Jim, what are you doing here?”  his voice cracks from disuse and also an undertone of screaming. There is this raw hoarseness to it that doesn't make sense. Pirating isn't a choice for most people even if Oluwande has never suffered before. The way his voice cracks now older and scared.

“I'm here to get you out. We need to go, can you move?” Jim says, trying to keep quiet. 

“How did you find me?” Oluwande asked.

“Buttons we found him. He told us exactly where to find all of you.” Jim answered. 

“He could talk?” Oluwande asked, sounding confused. 

“Yes. We need to go before Blackbeard blows up the rest of the camp.” Jim says as he reaches again for Oluwande. Being as gentle as they can.

“Blackbeard is here?” 

Jim nods, moving him slowly.

“Does he know?” Oluwande asked to sound more afraid. 

Jim doesn't know what Oluwande is asking about. Before Jim can ask what he means there is shouting voices getting closer. Fang pops his head through the door and is followed by voices. Jim recognizes them as the rest of Stede’s crew. Leaning over Fang’s shoulder is Roach who looks more disheveled than normal. 

“It’s Jim and Oluwande,” Roach calls over his shoulder. It bounced in the small hallway. Everyone else shouts in joy. It sounds tired.

“Jim we need to go.” Fang says. 

“I know.” Jim hisses Oluwande still looking unsure of what is happening. 

Oluwande really does look upset having seen the rest of Stede's crew. Had they done something to offend him? The look on his face was closer to guilt. Maybe Jim if this wasn't a rescue mission on a timeline they would have been able to ask and figure out before everything started falling apart but they don't. Instead, they fully reach out to Oluwande helping to get him upwards and out.

The room smelt like death and the hallways were not any better especially full of Stede's men. All of them look thin they're covered in bruises but past that, it's just calluses from hard labor and sore muscles, and sunburnt skin. Oluwande looks like he's had it worse. The way he holds his hand shows that it's probably sprained. He winces as Jim pulls him up and into the hallway by his shoulder which is probably loose or maybe it was dislocated or it's not set properly.

As soon as Jim finds out who did that, Oluwande. Jim is going to castrate them and make sure they suffer as much, if not more, than he did. They are very good and push that feeling out of their mind and onto everyone else. 

Jim wishes they were strong enough to carry Oluwande out directly, but they're not. Having to entrust it to Fang makes something sharp sit on their tongue. Jim doesn't want to leave anything about Oluwande getting out of this camp to anyone else but. They can't. There's going to be more people to murder and as strong as Jim is. They're not physically able to carry him. That doesn't mean they don't hope they can. 

Oluwande seems hesitant about leaning on Fang. As hesitant as he is, he's weak. Obviously, he was tortured. That pit of rage that's opening in Jim's chest just gets bigger. They are going to make sure that every man they come across is dead. The hallway it's crowded, not that big, before but with all of Stede's former crew it is even more so. There's the heat that comes with too many bodies in a space that's way too small that's already starting. It's suffocating in a way that Jim almost finds comforting. The moment of peace, as they start to move, is quickly broken by Izzy’s voice.

He seems to be in a fight with some guards and thankfully the crew goes the opposite way. It was Oluwande’s suggestion. As much as they want revenge, they were in no shape to get it. Even if Jim and Fang and Izzy and every other body Ed had dragged through the forest was tired from the hikes and slightly malnourished, at least they had not been tortured for months on end. Oluwande is rational. He's smart. Even Jim thinks that if the crew had actually mutinied on Stede when they wanted to months ago they. The men might have voted for him. Now they seem to be relying on him more than ever. Which makes sense Ed left them on a fucken spit of an island in the middle of the ocean. It's lucky that they're alive and they survived and somehow made it off that bit of sand. They're lucky they're alive everyone is lucky that everyone is alive. 

As they make their way out most of the guards are busy elsewhere. They make their way into a courtyard it's a little manicured space. a bit too well manicured to be only connected to the prison barracks. The building on the other side looks well-kept and close to a mansion. The part of the prison Jim had been in they first assumed it was far away from any respectable part the warden had built. It makes sense who would want prisoners right by your house? Except thinking back the building was too nice and as much as those men were shouting, Jim didn't really see any of them so can't gauge how disheveled they look. The only people they know for sure who were injured or tortured in that building are Oluwande and the rest of Stede's crew.

If Jim had been paying more attention to anything but their blinding anger and Ed encouraging that blind motivation. Maybe they would've noticed. Or it's more likely they wouldn't have cared. They still don't care now, even though it's setting in that this was probably a trap. The only part of it unaccounted for is the fire. But as it flickers and glows over the edge, it doesn't seem to be a raging inferno like Jim's first thought. 

Standing in front of the group that is at least twenty men and the warden. The warden has dark brown hair that's sitting far off his temples, thinning as it's also streaked with white. He has this big mustache that doesn't compliment his face as much as he probably thinks it does. There was this air of annoyance that was coming off of him. Jim also feels like they know him.

That makes little sense. Jim has never been this far into the Caribbean. They've hopped some islands and they've been to Florida, obviously. Coming down to this part of the Americas they've never done before. It makes little sense, but there's this deep nagging that something is going to go terribly wrong.

Someone threw one of the other doors leading to this choke point of an area open and out of it being pushed in a clashing of swords and screams is Izzy and the men he was leading. Most of them are bloodied and disheveled and obviously outnumbered, as at least 20 more men pour in behind them, forcing them in further. Izzy's favoring his good foot. His hair was a mess and the rest of the men looked the same. He only had fifteen men; the rest probably already lay dead.  

Jim tightened their grip, getting ready to fight. Ed is coming from an opposite building. There's a person in his arm that looks as bad as Buttons. Getting closer, Jim can make out how the shirt on them hangs off their body, the pants are cut and bunched and he has no shoes on. Jim can't see their face but their hair, it was once a wonderful color well maintained and taken care of. Now it's just limp, it hangs dull and brassy and there are mats made of blood and other things.

The man's face is obscured and pressed into Ed’s chest. Ed stops realizing what he's walked into. A perfectly executed trap. His crew is outnumbered, outmatched, and outclassed. All the guards have weapons and are well-fed and taken care of. It doesn't even look like any of them are covered in soot. It was a trick the warden obviously must have realized they were coming or had known beforehand.

Yet Ed keeps his head as high as he can, radiating this rage that Blackbeard is the best at projecting. Even though he stumbles as he fully comes to a stop, having to adjust the weight of the man who is entirely leaning on him for support. His knees aren't as good as they once were especially with how abusive he's been to his own body for the past months. To everyone's body, really. The people who were raiding the camp thought this would be easy. They'd be able to get revenge on the man who was trying to imprison them. To have some victory if ever so slightly against the Spanish. 

The man in charge shouts and his guards pulled back from engaging Izzy's men. The men stood back easily and assuredly, still holding their swords, ready to kill again. Both crews of the Revenge were pinned down. They have no power; they have no chance and even that does not do not make any of the guilt and rage that is building in Jim's chest dissuade. It makes it grow more, especially as Blackbeard still holds his head as high as possible, cradling whoever is in his arms.

“ I see you found our bait .” The warden's voice is slimy. He was staring at Jim. 

“I'm going to rip out your organs and hang them from the banister of my ship.” Ed's voice rumbles just like Blackbeard’s is supposed to. All anger and fire and demanding.

“ Who are you? I was talking to Bonifacia. ” The warden sounds and looks confused about who is talking to him. His eyes landed on Ed.

“Who are you talking about, mate? There are no women here. If you don't know that about your prison camp and you're stupid. Dumber than I originally thought you are, especially if you act like you don't know who I am.” Blackbeard says a challenge in every word. 

“ I don't pay attention to English Dogs. And in my mind, you pirates are worse than the rabid dogs that are the British Navy. ” The warden said. 

“Fine, let's go with you don't know who I am. Who the hell are you talking to? There are no women here.” Blackbeard asks.

“I'm talking to her.” Jim feels it as soon as he points to them. 

They know it deep in their bones. The reason they recognize this person. That mustache does nothing for his face and the thinning hair. The man brought up that name that Jim doesn't use anymore. Jim felt like a child again. A little kid hiding from the people who took their family from them. Jim recognizes and can feel the fear a small child has because they can't do anything. In one moment the man looks the way he does now, wearing Spanish armor glints like it has been shined and never really seen battle. He also looks like the bandit wearing clothes that were two sizes too big and one size too small as he helped destroy their family’s farm.

Juan Palarea Blanes.

Chapter Text

“Bonifacia Jimenez, the last of your pathetic bloodline, aren't you? Oh, don't make that face. I know you go by a different name now. I received a letter months from Geraldo about your minor identity crisis.”

Jim clenched their jaw and thought about every terrible thing they were going to do to this man. It was going to be a lot of terrible things. Even with their grip being loose and the adrenaline masking the pain that was going to be coursing through their body shortly. To have this man be that disrespectful meant a lot of things. Most of all, if what he said about Geraldo was true, this man wasn't just some random prison warden.

This was one of The Sète De Gallos. Jim should have killed him. On the one hand, letting go of that revenge gave them some closure. Part of that conclusion was the word of Spanish Jackie. Not that Jim thought Spanish Jackie was lying at that moment. It was more than she wasn't fully confident whether they were all dead. There is this terrible moment, this deep pit that opens as Jim realizes what's happened.

Having this bastard in front of Jim using that name is disrespectful. To dig the knife into that at some point, Jim was a weak child. Meant that he was deserving of Jim's family knife through his heart and was going to do it.

“Now, before you try to stab me. I just wanted to give you some information before our confrontation. This raid was not a secret as you thought it was. I've been in this area for a decade. Do you really think I don't know when people walk into a bar asking about madmen and finding them? Bonifacia, do you think I'm not aware enough of my camp to know when people disappear or that I don't have enough control over the shipping and prisoner trade that comes and goes? To know when a list that is months old falls into your hands? Are you stupid enough to think that was the only list on the only ship?” Juan's voice was slimy and self-serving. As confident as Jim and Ed were, what they had been doing was gone suddenly.

It had never entered the conversation. As far as Jim and Ed's plans were where this was a chance. A random situation that completely fell into their lap by accident. The stumbling on the paperwork that only a few people could read that would recognize these names.

“I'm not just some commander of the Spanish militia. I'm Admiral Juan Palarea Blanes. Either you or Blackbeard were going to come. It seems like you made it first here, Bonifacia. But I think hiring a man that's dressed like Blackbeard is pitiful. Trying to give off this impression that you're more important than you really are. What you are is lucky. I know how you got your pirate ship.” Not only was this man gross, but he thought he was self-important despite that he was also an idiot to some extent. He thought Jim was leading this raid, and he didn't recognize Ed as Blackbeard. 

“That plan was such a wide shot. How the hell would you even know Jim would respond.” Blackbeard spoke and it was him. Not whatever Juan thought he was. Ed was good at playing along long enough to get the upper hand.

“You did not know I was still looking for you. Geraldo must have sent that letter when some other Spanish ship tried to hang my former captain.” Jim felt unsure of the lie, so tried for a half-truth. 

“At least you and your former captain have one thing in common. Using fake names to skirt Spanish law.”

“You know what happened to our former captain? If you know that, then you must know why Jim would hire me as a Blackbeard impersonator to recover what he owed us?” Ed was still trying to sell that lie and it looked to be working.

“Of course, I know what happened to your former captain. You’re holding him aren’t you?” Juan pointed at the man in Ed’s arms. “Though it took a second to truly recognize him for the criminal that he was. He was arrested under Thomas Edwards.” 

“If I’m really to believe that it is my former captain. How do you recognize him?” Ed asked something tight in his voice. If who he was holding was believed to be Stede, he still hadn’t acknowledged the fact that they were talking about him. The man seems to be barely holding on to consciousness surely not rational enough to argue his fake identity.

“Why his quartermaster confirmed he was. He is a smart man and capable. He's also not dumb. At least he realized that some of the men in the camp do disappear if I get a high enough bid for their labor.” Juan said it. That seems to be a nail in the coffin. Jim felt it as instantly whatever small comradery Ed and Jim had been working on in their half-assed lie by themselves to get a little more time to think of an escape was gone. Even if Jim had nothing to do with it technically, they felt the moment that all of Ed’s rage had a secondary target.

“Obviously you're lying.” Jim started. 

“Am I. What reason do I have to lie to you, Bonifacia you are outnumbered. You’ve been outgunned this entire time. The only thing you have going for you was the element of surprise, but even that was a lie that I carefully crafted. I have no reason to bring this up except for the fact that it’s the truth. And all of you should know the truth before you die.” Juan said with a cruel smile on his face as he did.

Oluwande was leaning between Jim and Fang. He was barely supporting any of his weight, but in that moment, Jim felt the fight leave him. Jim would’ve rather entered the argument that was about to ensue without the stinking confirmation that he had done that. Even if Jim had known, they were very good at ignoring the truth, especially for Oluwande.

Jim's focus was mostly on Juan and his men. Trying to make sure that they didn't get more surrounded so they could escape. All this would be for nothing if they got murdered. At least some of his focus was on Ed. Still, Ed was a fickle man who was motivated by his manic energy of grief and anger. Jim could feel it in that moment as whatever agreement they have silently come to at the rescue of both of their partners and uncommunicative stakes was gone.

“Oh, look at that. See what I told you, men. Pirates will always eat their own, no matter how loyal they claim to be. All you have to know is what motivates them. What a pathetic breed they are.” His men laughed in that cruel way. Whatever building unity their raiding party had was evaporating. The crew from the ship, the men, were just tired of Blackbeard, but they still would be loyal to him. The few men that Frenchie had been talking to might side with Jim, having seen the extent to how liberal Ed could be with his emotions.

Jim couldn't stop the feeling inside of them that everything would be different now, with or without the confirmation of what Oluwande did. This isn't just some ride off in to the sunset moment. Stede was permanently disfigured from the torture he had suffered. Oluwande was mentally devastated and physically emaciated currently. The rest of the crew can barely hold themselves together, but at least they could walk.

“Are you serious?” Out of everyone questioning what Oluwande did for survival, Jim wasn’t expecting Roach to be the first. 

“You need to understand---” Oluwande started.

“What part of this is to understand?” Having even just a fraction of the blinding rage Ed was feeling directed at Oluwande had Jim's teeth standing on edge. 

“You let him get tortured!” Pete shouted.

“That is a rich coming from you of all people. You wanted to kill him months ago. I stopped you. Even then you still thought Stede was an embarrassment of a pirate into Ed showed up. Blanes was threatening to sell us.” Oluwande said He didn't have the energy to raise his voice but get it conveyed that tone of hurt just the same. Every action is justified in survival. 

“God, if you--” Ed tried to start. 

“Edward, you need to calm down when we get to the ship alive. You can deal with this.” Izzy was still watching the circling men. 

“Some of us are gonna get to the ship alive if I have my way about it.” Ed bit out the threat one everyone knew he could follow through with.

The warden might know what he was doing in getting them to turn against each other. They were all forced to work and emaciated, but they weren’t tortured. Everyone but Stede and Oluwande were held together. Oluwande had to sacrifice the safety of one man to make sure that people he considered his friends wouldn’t be sold off. 

Jim could see movement in Ed’s heart drop as Stede shifted and lost his balance. The man had to be Stede. He couldn’t be an imposter. Ed was holding him so close like any moment he could vanish. As driven Ed is by his emotions and his need to be justified in what he's done to Stede's crew. He is not stupid enough to fall for a trip.

Stede finally looked out of Ed’s chest. The shouting of his crew seems to be enough to get him to some point of consciousness past just holding up his weight. His face was destroyed. The right side of his was burned. Jim could see some of his teeth on that side shining in the light. The pupil in his right eye looked like it had exploded. He was missing a patch of hair on his temple.

As bad as Buttons, Oluwande and the rest of the crew looked. Stede was worse, the burn on his face carried down his neck to his arm. It was also tucked into Ed's side trying to hide. It seems like his entire right side was burnt.

Jim could see Stede trying to articulate something, whatever it was he wasn’t communicating. There was too much noise. Stede’s former crew and Ed's new crew had started fighting once Izzy had opened his mouth. Not about the actual ethics of turning a crewmate in, but that the men Ed had liberated from the Spanish, would be dying for pointless endeavor. Izzy was in Ed's face tying to get him to admit some fault for getting them into Juan’s trap.

Oluwande was standing on his own to defend himself against the rest of the crew. Jim couldn't get their tongue enough to move to do anything. The only thing they could offer us any form of support for any side of the argument was to make sure Oluwande could still stand on his own. but that wasn't enough to make that bitter feeling go anywhere. Fool's decision. Even if Jim had no way of knowing that there was a madman in the jungle who was trying to murder Jim. This still would have been just as violent and bloody. Now the person who had orchestrated it standing with a smile on his face as he laughed and was patted on his back by his men. Because he had brilliantly executed a plan proving what he thought about pirates and getting revenge on Jim for a quest, they had stopped pursuing themselves. It sat heavily on Jim as they wanted to turn back. Trying to find some way out of this that didn’t end with Oluwande dying or hurt more than he already was. 

The conversation comes to an abrupt halt as a shot rings out. Jim for a second thinks that their ears started ringing again. It's not the ringing in their ears having returned because Oluwande screams and buckles. It's such a deep hurt sound that Jim reacts like an afraid child again. They whip their head around so fast. Despite how close Oluwande is, it feels like miles as he falls over. Jim can't see it but can smell gunpowder. If only for a moment the Pirates forgot that there was a greater threat than each other.

Jim gets to Oluwande and he's bleeding not from the abdomen like Jim. Being shot anywhere but a limb is dangerous. Even being shot in a limb is dangerous and Jim can see it as soon as they're close enough. Oluwande’s shin is mangled, the skin is torn and the bone is crushed. 

Jim hesitates, not something they're used to. A genuine hesitation before they jump into action to help. The hesitation isn't coming from the fact they don't know how to do it's more coming from the fact that their hands aren't suited for healing. Taking care of someone and making sure they're okay is something they're not good at. They can barely do it to themselves or to another person. Is an entirely foreign concept, and this isn't any other person this is Oluwande. 

This is Jim's person, the whole reason they put up with Ed in his mood swings and fighting through the jungle and the guards and waiting for an empty promise. Oluwande is injured and Jim can't do anything about it. 

Everything happens in a flash. Jim can't do any healing with her hands but they can kill, they can make someone pay, they can kill Juan. And make it slow and painful so he dies in some jungle that he never had a right to be in.

Jim knows how to be an effective and brutal killer, and then they are. There is already so much blood on their hands in what's more. That rage bubbling and burning inside of them and consuming Jim. There isn't even going to be a reason to try to go to pray to God to apologize for the amount of men that will be dead. Oluwande is hurt Jim doesn't know how to heal. He could die any minute and all Jim can do is kill.

Jim can hurt those who deserve it. At that moment a ringing returns to their ears. It's not like the concussion or anything before this is a peace. It’s a moment where their brain is off all they can hear in the back of their brain is the recitation to the Virgen de Guadalupe asking for forgiveness and apology and safety because they are unsure whether or not they will survive.

‘O My Mary, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Thy mercy. Amen.’

Even if it was in Jim's head they knew that wasn't the right way to say the prayer. To ask for safety. Normally when you ask you're supposed to ask through her as the mother of Jesus. She gave birth to the man who bore our sins for us and gave us forgiveness. You're supposed to talk to Jesus and God through her, not at her. When you ask Mary for forgiveness, you're asking Jesus, too. Jim doesn't enjoy thinking of her like that.

Even in all of her holiness all she does and waits around to be asked to ask her son to do something. It defeats the purpose of being the Virgin Mary, the power that she has in her own right. To some, it doesn’t matter whether you pray to her if Jesus can grant it. They don't know if God is listening or if Jesus is. Jim has self-identified proof that Guadalupe has heard her before and listened. Jim may not pray much to God asking to listen, but praying to Guadalupe was another thing.

The mad scramble as Jim turns their rage forgetting to keep up the lie even for a moment. How dare Juan hurt Oluwande and stand there like he deserves civility? Civility is nothing Jim has ever subscribed to the only person here who has Stede, and he isn't in any way capable of doing that now. 

The rest of the pirates move. Choking and stabbing every abled-bodied guard. Jim is better suited to the quiet and slicing that comes from the shadows. This is blind rage and broken bones. Jim takes down three men quickly, but the rest of the Pirates turn to confront the Spanish guards. It's just stabbing and blood and guts. Jim is more surprised that it only took three men before they were standing directly in front of the man who took away their family. One man and so far the worst. At least Jackie's husbands had been easy to kill. The two of them weren't expecting it.

There were discussions to be had afterward when everyone is fine and if they make it through this jungle, but Jim will do anything in their power to make sure he doesn't. That he will die here and no one will remember his name. Jim feels anger both righteous; isn't that the thing all anger is justifiable for someone because everyone has it. and the way it sits heavy and hot in Jim's gut as they can stand in front of this man.

This close Jim knows he is a foot taller and broader than Jim. Even if he is older he's not the kind of old man who sat around waiting for rot to get him. He's a kind of old man who's going to face death and call him a bastard if he doesn't take him the first time. There was already that cruelty in his eye and his words because every time not respecting Jim.

“What are you going to do, little girl?” He asked a sneer in his voice. 

It's not a question, it's a statement of action. It's a challenge to Jim and fundamental disrespect of who they are and Jim has no choice but the answer. 

“I'm going to kill you!” Jim strikes just as fast and as dangerous. 

They're better suited with their family knife and in the dark. Right now they are using a sword, something that was a sword, a shiny well taken care of weapon. It was one of the few things from Stede's original ship that remained. As soon as Jim had found it hidden in some corner being a loose panel, they kept it. The sword was light and quick and thankfully it was strong enough to withstand Juan’s machete strike. 

“You fight like a girl, where's the strength, the backup for the threat.” Juan smiled into it and pushed Jim back all force and showed teeth like he wasn't taking Jim seriously despite everything. 

He wasn't but neither were his men as some of them tried to move in from the scramble. Blackbeard knows how to give an order; some pirates cut off the guard before they could get in Jim's way.

“Stop Them.” It is the deep commanding voice that Ed has in legends and has been known to stop a storm in the moment it does. Stopping Jaun’s men from interfering.

“I'm not a girl. I'm going to make you pay for hurting him,” Jim pushes back. 

“What is that supposed to mean?”  Juan asked the question as he moved forward taking quick brutal strikes. As effective as Jim’s sword is for quick attacks against Izzy in a similar movement to fencing. As Jim had been taking care of the blade, the machete had chipped the edge. It has a weak point compared to the machete which is brutal swiping power.

Jim knows how to get in close, move back, and get in a few swipes. Mainly to Juan’s legs. Jim wants him dead, but wants him to suffer. They wanted to draw it out. Maybe Jim shouldn't have been focusing on the pain of it. The pain of Oluwande screaming as his leg was shattered. 

Losing part of yourself is something that people experience often in life. Jim has met people. Lucius, for one. Losing a finger or a pinky toe doesn't mean anything. Maybe it does; it means you've been hurt, you'll never be the same, and then you've lost some part of yourself you can never get back. The two of them seem to mostly have adapted. Relatively speaking the pinky toe doesn't do anything. The only thing to watch out for is making sure that it didn't get affected which when it was still healing Jim sure hoped the hell it did. Lucius adapting was a bit harder. He was an artist and he was the writer and that was his dominant hand.

That's easy enough to adapt to because even if Jim were to lose something, they never assumed that they would live past having lost it. They've already put their body through the wringer with how they grew up. Starvation and exposure to the elements. Nana's training regiment. Scraping by as an adult until they stumbled their way onto Stede’s ship, Oluwande in tow. Surviving like that is a stopgap measure under the assumption that you will not need to plan a future.

Most of Jim's reactions to how they were raised and every action of theirs in the past were in the moment consequences understanding that they never make it as far as they have. Even then sacrificing those parts of themselves meant nothing. Jim's life has never meant more than it was supposed to in the act and pursuit of getting revenge. Now it means something to one person it seems. It means enough to Oluwande hand over Stedd.

Out of everything that has happened, all of the actions Oluwande has taken in keeping Jim safe. That is the action that makes Jim recognize every action has consequences. Oluwande was doing what he did to make sure that Stede survives just long enough so Ed has someone to fight for and get revenge for the rest of the crew. Telling on Stede and keeping him trapped was one way to make sure they got here in time. Everything has consequences.

Jim just assumed that they would never actually face the consequences of their actions with anything less than their death. Getting into the fight with Juan is bigger than Jim. He had the upper hand long enough to throw Jim down to the ground hard enough that they felt a pop that comes with having your shoulder dislocated.

If it was Jim’s left arm they might be able to keep fighting. It's their dominant hand, it's the hand they used to fight. Now not only are they outclassed and outnumbered, Jim can't even defend themselves. At least Jim had a chance before they were slammed into the ground that hard. Now it's scrambling. Something that feels more like when they were a child and this man murdered Jim's family and the only consequence he suffered was getting a position of privilege in an unclaimed land by the Spanish Empire.

Jim loses their family and continues to suffer the weight of death and loss. They continue to suffer and all Juan gets out of it is a title. To know that your life means nothing to people is not something new to Jim. The cruelty to which he has inflicted his own vision of the world for his version of revenge on Jim's life. Even if the only point he had was contact with the former crew of The Revenge and Oluwande. It was more than enough to prove that he was just a wicked man.

Jim is unsteady. Juan’s men are shouting for him to kill them. The crew of the Revenge is shouting just the same; it's a mixed signal of people cheering for Jim and their death. Jim can't miss out on stepping out of line. They have been running their body ragged for months. This man has had time to wait and plan and rest. He is well fed and groomed and he did not hike through a forest on an impossible mission against all odds. Jim has scraped and fought today. Every action has consequences and for all the work Jim has put in the cost of this fight is one they wouldn't come away whole from.

Surprisingly Jim does not feel it at first. It's probably the shock and the adrenaline. The rush of suddenly happening. Their arm getting dislocated was painful. Their body working to keep them standing and not throwing up from that one. Jim felt pathetic weeks ago after a simple concussion put them on bed rest for two weeks. The scar from that cut is the least of their worries now because then they feel it.

It is the shock of it, the pain of it, the disorientingness. Juan was the one to bring a machete to fight. It was unfair, it gave him the advantage reasonably. It made the fight blood because of course it was deadly they were supposed to kill each other. Juan had won no matter what was going to happen after this he'd won because he had taken something from Jim that they would never get it back. It just wasn't Oluwande like Jim had originally thought.

The other surprising thing is that they can barely feel the pain once it starts to set in. Jim’s dislocated arm was already flailing and hanging uselessly. Juan had to go on for a cheap shot aiming for Jim's side. Going for the ribs and getting them in the arm instead. Maybe it was luck of chance, probably both. It was never going to be the universe being kind to Jim and letting them die in one piece.

Jim stumbles back because the pain is sitting in and their arm is hanging even more useless. From the shoulder to their elbow. Jim can barely feel it is just this deep throbbing and uncoordinated. At least before they could swing it. Below the elbow there isn't anything else. Jim can feel the weight of what's left. It wasn't a clean cut all the way through there is tendons and flesh at the joint. That is all that is keeping it hanging and the skin of what's left of Jim's elbow

It's never going to be the same. Jim doesn't scream. It is a near thing at the pain of knowing that Jim has lost everything. Jim tries to roll out of Juan’s way before he can fully bring that blade down. Something shoves him back. 

Everything is quiet quickly followed by a ringing Jim's ear. Someone is screaming but Jim knows it's not them because why would it be.

Jim doesn't remember what happens after that. They think they hit the ground. They don't really feel anything anymore. It's probably the adrenaline or blood loss. Their vision is going in and out. They're shouting and screaming. It's probably everyone else's because what they do remember is bits and pieces of a fight that renews itself. Everything is brutal and bloody and it is not helped by the mud. It started to mix with their tears that they couldn't control.

Jim could make out the muffle sound of rain and the storm that started up again. The rain is warm. That might have been why Jim thought it was their blood because their blood is warm. Jim doesn't know what they're really doing. They try to get their legs to work but they can't and then they are shoved over. That hurts even more and they scream again. Even if they can't feel their arm it feels wrong fundamentally.

When they get up again there are less men. Maybe there's more but the men who are closest to them don't look familiar but maybe that's because they're men or maybe it's because they are Spanish prisoners. It doesn't matter who Jim can't defend themselves. They are in much pain. Trying to get out in front of the group but everybody they bump into hurts. They shouldn't be feeling their arm is dislocated. All they can do is bite their tongue or try not to bite their tongue because it hurts everything.

All that pain Jim was still trying to focus on one thing, the only thing they've been focused on for months Oluwande. In the scramble and in the pain and all the movement Jim is fightin to do. Jim can see him limping away from the fray… he is being pulled. He is being dragged and getting covered in mud. It's one of Juan’s men. If Jim were paying more attention they would have tried hard or noticed the men coming from the back. 

If they survive this, losing an arm would have been worth it to have Oluwande back. Everything is worth it to have him back. Juan is able to roll from his front into his back. He barely gets his footing underneath him as it comes in again for another swipe. He’s on his back without protection Ed's sword slices through his chest. 

Jim can't focus on the fact that they're too disoriented; they lost their sword somewhere a while ago but their family knife is still on them. Jim can put it their left hand. Juan gets to his feet after he kicks Ed off him (getting the bastard in the bad knee). It does not change that he is off balance; it's been enough time for Juan to have lost some steam. There is only so much you can burn through your body before it starts to consume it and Jim stabbed him good in the legs. Then Ed got him good again, getting a nice quick one into his belly.

Jim was really quick with not becoming a fan of concussions. The man who is coming up behind them got them good right in the back, their head above their neck. Probably mended the paralyzed Jim, but maybe luck was on their side for one thing today. 

Jim was reaching the end of their reservoir of energy. There is only so much force you can pull out of an empty vessel. Jim felt empty now, especially as the ringing got worse. 

Jim never understood praying. Not the way most people do. Nana never prayed for forgiveness and thought Jim to pray for hurt. For the people who killed their family to suffer when not supposed to do that.

how many praying for someone to be hurt breaks the covenant with God. You’ve broken the boundary, you're not praying for goodwill and good fortune in the grace of God anymore. That is asking for him to take the mortal into his hands. You’re not supposed to pray like that, but that's how Jim was taught. Jim’s never asked for anything more than surviving the next day, and the people who took their family from them to die.

They’ve never been like that. Turning the other cheek is something Jim has never been capable of in the structured grief. There is this bitterness that Jim has not let go of.

Now Jim is praying. And it’s not for anger. But Forgiveness. Because Jim had the audacity.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Chapter Text