Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Mark’s certain that he’s not the only person to have these thoughts randomly, especially at night. If he were to ask a random stranger on the internet (because asking strangers on the street nowadays is too dangerous), he’s sure that they would say the same, that they’ve had these thoughts before. Especially at night, those nights where he’s kept up and awake by the stress and pressure brought upon him. 

Sometimes, it’s nice to think about how easy it would just be to pack a bag up and run away. To run from the expectations, the stress, the judgment. To be free from it all. But then he’s brought back down to reality, of his family and members, of his fans. And it goes away for a while. But it always comes back. Just like tonight. Except this time, there’s no one and nothing to stop him from giving in to his intrusive thoughts.

It was a bad day. And when he says bad, he doesn’t mean woke up late, missed breakfast, tripped during rehearsals type of day. No, he means that AND injuring himself because he’s that clumsy, being scolded by his managers AND members, feeling like a complete disappointment and failure, being sent to the ER with no one by his side AND having to stay the night alone.

“Right before we’re supposed to perform…”

“I hope we don’t need to learn a new choreo if Mark can’t perform with us…”

“It’s going to look so weird.”

“I’m so tired, ugh. Why now?”

“So clumsy.”

Mark lets these parting words he overhears from his members cloud his thoughts as he checks his phone once again and lets out a disappointed sigh when he sees there’s no new notification. Since being dropped off to the ER by his manager and being confirmed that he will probably have to stay the night to look out for any complications, he hadn’t heard from any of his members, except for their disappointed looks and sighs back in the practice room. The guilt overwhelms him and he’s ashamed to feel tears well up in his eyes.

The door to his room props open after a curt knock and Mark snaps his head in the direction to be disappointed when he sees it’s just the nurse.

“Hi dearie. Just here to do a last check and give you your dinner.”

Mark’s not hungry but to be polite, he picks at his food as the nurse walks around to check his vitals and condition.

“Well, the good news is that it doesn’t look like anything is broken or bruised and nothing concerning is coming up in your vitals or scans. The doctor will be in to do one last check but you might be free to go tonight if you want!”

Mark perks up at that and smiles at the thought of going home early and being in his own bed, but his smile dims once he remembers the situation he’s currently in with the members.

“I’ll grab your discharge papers and bring them in after the doctor pops in. You should contact whoever to come pick you up okay sweetie? I’ll be back.” The nurse pats Mark’s knee as she passes by him to leave. Mark nods absentmindedly, picking up his phone and staring at it contemplatively.

Opening his phone up, he scrolls through his contacts and hovers over his manager’s contact. Hesitating, he wonders if his manager would still be up at the time, if he’d be bothered to come pick him up at this hour. He doesn’t want to annoy his manager and with the day he’s been having, doesn’t know if he wants to add onto another stress and burden. But he doesn’t have anyone else to call… as he continues to think about it, he’s interrupted with another knock on the door.

His doctor pops his head in and greets him with a smile. “Hey Mark. I hear you're ready to get out of here huh.”

Mark pauses but ultimately comes to the decision. He locks his phone and sets it down before nodding and responding with a sheepish, “Yeah.”

“Alrighty then. Let’s get this last check done and I’ll have nurse Lim sign you out!”

Mark nods again and stares out blankly as he lets the doctor do all his vital and chart checks again. He finishes typing something on his laptop before he addresses Mark again.

“Alright, looks like you are all set mister. Stay healthy for me, okay, I don’t want to see you back in a while.”

Mark smiles faintly at those familiar words and nods, chuckling. “Don’t worry, you won’t.”

“Good.” Doctor Lee pats Mark on the back before he gets up to leave. “I’ll send nurse Lim back in for your discharge papers. Get home safely!”

“Thank you, I will.”

Doctor Lee nods before taking his leave, quietly shutting the door behind him. In his absence, Mark thinks of what to do but not before long, nurse Lim is making her way in with the papers.

“Here you go, I’ll just need you to sign here. Is someone here to pick you up?”

“Yeah,” Mark automatically responds back. “Uh, they’re downstairs, waiting outside for me.” Mark panics and continues with. Nurse Lim doesn’t see beyond his stutter and nods to his response. Mark quickly signs his papers and gathers his things before saying bye and leaving.

Chapter Text

Once he’s outside, reality hits him that he has no one to turn to and nowhere to go. Biting his lips, he thinks again about calling his manager but just as he hovers over his contact name once more, he finds himself unable to make the step to press down.

“Hey cutie, got some spare change on ya?” Mark is interrupted before he can make a decision and he snaps his head up to see what looks like a drunk businessman headed his way.

“No worries if you don’t. Your body looks good enough to make up for it,” the man continues as he sways closer. Shivers shoot up his spine as Mark takes a couple of steps back in fear, prepared to make a run for it, when a larger body steps in front of him.

“Hey, back off,” the person snaps. The drunken man pauses in his step to Mark’s relief. “Go on! Before I call the cops on you,” the person continues. Mark is scared for a second that it wouldn’t work and that a fight might break out when the drunken person surprisingly just scoffs and turns away.

“Ruin my fun would ya. Alright, I’m going I’m going,” he grumbles as he stumbles away. Mark peers over the person’s figure to watch in awe and trepidation at the man’s retreating back. Once he sees that he’s a good length away, he turns towards his savior, who doesn’t look any older than his older brother.

“Thank you so much,” he sincerely bowed, a bit shaky given the interaction.

His savior smiles and shakes his head. “No worries, I’ve seen that man around a couple of times and he brings nothing but trouble to him.” He then sticks his hand out to Mark. “Peter Kim.”

“Mark Lee,” Mark responds back automatically, shaking his hand, before cringing a bit at introducing himself using his real name to a stranger. Peter sees his reaction and laughs out loud.

“I know who you are, Mark.” Peter sees Mark’s deer in the light expression before rushing to explain himself. “Not like in a creepy stalker fan type of way, no! Wait, I mean I’m totally a fan, a big fan! But not like the creepy ones, definitely not… I’m not making this better am I?”

Mark lets out a genuine laugh at Peter’s panicked expression, relaxing as he could tell that the other man seemed genuine. “No, no it’s okay. I trust you man. As long as you know this stays between us and everything.”

Peter nods rapidly. “Of course, yeah! I mean… not like I have anyone to talk to.” Peter dims down a bit at that statement. Looking at Mark’s curious expression, Peter continues,

“My brother recently passed away… he had cancer so I knew it was coming but it still hit. My parents left us when he was diagnosed so I had no support and was working to pay the bills but he still… anyways I was just here actually to finish paying the rest of his bills so yeah.”

Mark looks on sympathetically at his words. “Hey man, I’m sorry to hear that. Anything I can do to help?” Peter lets out a sigh before smiling. “No not really but I appreciate the offer. Sorry for unloading on you like that, I know we’re complete strangers so it’s probably weird-”

“No not at all,” Mark interrupts, not wanting him to feel bad. “Do you need a ride home or something?” Mark awkwardly continues, wanting to help out in some way and wanting to offer something.

“Oh no, I have a car. I’m actually going to visit his shrine one last time before I’m out of here.”

“Out of here?”

“Yeah, I can't bear the thought of sticking around. I only really stayed for him for his treatments but now… I’m planning on starting fresh somewhere else.”

Starting fresh… Mark let those words soak in.

“Anyways, yeah. It was cool to meet you! Maybe we’ll meet another day again, I’ll save up money to come to one of your concerts when I can!”

“Wait!” Mark rushes out, thoughts working a mile a minute 

Peter pauses in his step, looking over at Mark curiously. As Mark works quickly through his thoughts and on what he’s about to propose, Peter looks back at the hospital and back towards Mark.

“...um are YOU okay…?” Peter hesitantly asks. Mark, so close to having a panic attack at any given moment by this point, looks brokenly at the other man. Slowly shaking his head as he could feel tears well up from the night he’s having, Peter notices and rushes him over to a nearby bench to sit.

“Okay, okay, let’s sit down, hm? Do you need anything? Water? A hug?” Mark lets out a watery laugh at Peter’s attempt to console him and shakes his head as he works to calm himself down.

After taking a couple of breaths in and out, he manages to get his breathing back under control and his tears down.

“Sorry about that. It’s just been one heck of a night.”

Peter looks on sympathetically, rubbing his shoulder for comfort.

“I know you won’t be able to tell me much but I’m here if you need someone to talk to. Besides your members of course.”

Mark scoffs at the thought of his members at the moment, shaking his head, sadness and regret turning to anger. Peter, noticing, winces at the reaction.

“Or not your members, maybe not, I guess not. Uh, I’m still here?”

Mark lets out an involuntary smile and laughs at the comment, rolling his eyes playfully at Peter’s attempt. Though Peter is a complete stranger, Mark couldn’t help but feel in his gut that he could feel safe around the man, the man resembling so much like his older brother at that moment. With that feeling in mind, he turns a bit desperate as he looks into the man’s eyes and asks him the question that could change everything.

“Can I go with you?”

Chapter Text

Peter’s eyes widened at the question, disbelief covering his face as confusion slowly took over.

“…I’m sorry, what?!”

“Look, I know we’re complete strangers and you’re probably thinking I’m such a weirdo for asking you this because I know nothing about you and you of me except of what you’ve seen from online and…” Mark starts rambling as his thoughts spew out of his mouth unfiltered from the adrenaline rush of the thought of being free.

“Wait, wait wait, okay breathe, Mark, breathe!”

Mark pauses in his monologue and takes deep breaths in to calm himself and pull himself together. He readies himself to argue his point again, to convince Peter to take him, when Peter suddenly speaks up.

“Alright.”

Mark’s mouth shuts at that.

“…alright?” Mark hesitantly asks, looking confused.

“Yeah, alright. You can come with me. Let’s go!”

“…wait, wait!” Mark stops Peter as he stands up, ready to leave.

“What, didn’t you say you wanted to come?”

“Well yeah but I didn’t think…”

“You didn’t think I’d agree? So you don’t actually want to go with me?”

“I…” Mark pauses to think for a bit. It was a bit of a spontaneous thought he had, to leave and start fresh and new somewhere but was he really willing to go with a stranger? To actually take that step? It was tempting…

“I…” Before Mark could finish that thought though, a person came rushing out of the hospital building doors, running straight towards them.

“MARK!!”

Mark turns to the sound of his name, trying to recognize the person running towards them.

“…hyung?!”

Taeyong came, body slamming into Mark’s body as he wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug.

“Taeyong!!” Another figure comes jogging towards the group, stopping before he could bump into the hugging pair.

“I told you to wait!” Johnny huffs, catching his breath. As his breaths even out, he acknowledges the outsider part of their group, manners overriding as he extends a hand out.

“Hi there. Johnny. You are?”

“Uh Peter,” Peter shakes his hand, a bit bewildered at the sudden presence of the two.

Meanwhile, Taeyong pulls back from his hug with Mark, keeping him close with his hands on his shoulders.

“What in the world were you thinking, Mark?! You had us worried! Don’t you ever do that again!”

“Uh…” Mark’s mind was still trying to catch up with the sudden presence of his hyungs.

“Manager forgot what the nurse had told him about your discharge so he called the hospital to check when they told him you had already been discharged. He thought you were supposed to stay overnight,” Johnny explains in the back, listening in after the introduction.

“You should have called us! Or managernim! What were you thinking Mark, leaving on your own like that! That was incredibly irresponsible of you, something could have happened to you! What were you thinking?!” Taeyong continues in his rant, a bit of anger leaking out masquerading his worry.

“I…I’m sorry hyung,” Mark looks down, the feeling coming back tenfold as the guilt and disappointment fills his being. This was what he wanted to avoid in the first place but Mark was definitely not lucky today.

Taeyong noticeably softens down at that, the adrenaline rushing out of his system seeing Mark deflate so fast. Sighing, he scolds more lightly,

“Next time, call us. Why didn’t you?”

Mark shrugs, keeping quiet as he didn’t feel up to talking more and possibly incriminating more disappointment and anger towards him. Taeyong sighs again but decides that this wasn’t the place to address it, finally taking note of their surroundings.

“Oh, sorry! Uh…” Taeyong turns to the new face in their group, keeping a hand on Mark’s shoulder.

“Peter! Peter Kim,” Peter reaches a hand out to shake.

“Peter! Sorry about that, where was my manners.”

“No worries! You had something you needed to do, that’s fine.”

Silence awkwardly permeates the air a bit after that as Taeyong looks between the two.

“Oh, do you guys know each other…” as he looks at Mark, remembering they were together before he came barging in.

“No, we just met outside and started talking.” Peter smiles.

“Oh, uh huh okay.” Taeyong nods, a bit more wary as he pulls Mark closer to him.

“I uh better get going though. It was nice to meet you Mark!” Peter says, sensing the tension.

“Wait, no!” Mark speaks up, not wanting his new friend to leave just yet. Taeyong and Johnny look at him questioningly.

“Uh, can you guys give us some space for a bit,” Mark nervously asks, wanting to speak to Peter privately.

Taeyong and Johnny look distrustingly over at Peter, though not trying to be rude.

“Hey, it’s okay, I can go…” Peter starts, noticing the looks.

“No! No, it’s okay, sorry about them.” Mark aims a glare and snaps at the other two despite the possible rudeness, anger lashing out from his prior disappointment in emotions, “Peter has been super nice and kind to me, unlike you guys! So you don’t get to do that, you don’t get to judge him like that, and you don’t get to say if I can’t talk to him in private or not.”

Taeyong and Johnny turn to look at Mark at that, guilt and sadness flooding their expressions.

“Look, Mark…” Taeyong starts but Mark stops him.

“No. I don’t want to speak to any of you right now. I get that you guys were worried but that doesn’t excuse your behavior,” hurt coloring his tone at the reminder of the treatment they gave him before, even as he tries to hide it. “I’m fine. Just leave me alone for a bit. Please.”

“…”

“We’ll wait by the car.” Johnny finally relents, Taeyong still looking more hesitant.

Mark nods curtly at that, just wanting them to leave. Johnny nods back after a bit, sad eyed, but turns to give a parting shake to Peter.

“Hey, it was nice to meet you Peter, thanks.”

“Hey no worries man, nice to meet you too.”

Taeyong stares at Mark for a bit longer before also greeting Peter goodbye.

“Nice to meet you,” Taeyong smiles, Peter returning it.

“Nice to meet you too!”

The two of them start walking away after that, looking back to check on Mark one last time before heading back to the car.

Chapter Text

Mark lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when they were finally out of hearing range.

“Wow okay,” Peter chuckles a bit.

“I am so sorry about them,” Mark immediately apologizes, which Peter stops.

“No, no they seemed worried about you. That’s what matters.”

“Yeah…” Mark thinks bitterly about how they treated him earlier.

“Hey, I don’t know if it’s my place to say this or the details of what exactly happened between you guys but try to forgive them… they look like they care about you a lot from the way they obviously reacted.”

Mark smiles at that, a bit more level headed now that the pressure of his hyungs weren’t on him.

“Yeah… I’ll try.”

“Good kid. Stay out of trouble and if you’re ever somewhere I’m at, I’ll definitely buy a ticket to go see you in concert.”

Mark laughs out loud at that. “Can we exchange kakao chats? Is that too weird?”

“I think we’re past weird by this point, don’t you?”

Peter and Mark share an understanding smile. Pulling out their phones, they exchange IDs.

“Alright, well Mark Lee, I hope to see you around.”

“You too, Peter. Sorry about your brother again and… thank you.”

“No worries. You remind me a lot of him, you know?” They share a laugh at that.

“…would you have really let me go with you?” Mark hesitantly asks, though curious in his response.

“…yeah. But I wouldn’t have left the country or anything. I figured you were just decompressing from something that had happened and it was just the adrenaline. I like to go on drives and feel free from my responsibilities once in a while so that’s what we would’ve done. Maybe hit a restaurant or get some fast food along the way but I would’ve droven you back to where you needed to be after.”

Mark, relieved at that and grateful nonetheless for the selflessness of the man in front of him, nods appreciatively.

“Thanks man. Thank you. Let me know if you need anything in terms of your move or anything!”

“Like I said, no worries. Take care of yourself, okay?”

“You too.” Mark and Peter shake hands before parting ways.

Mark approaches his manager’s van that he recognizes with dread, already fearing the conversation that’s going to happen when Taeyong steps out upon noticing Mark finishing up and walking towards them, arms open but hesitant to make the first move, wanting to give Mark that choice.

Seeing the guilty look on his face and thinking back to Peter’s words, he knew he already forgave his hyungs. Giving the older an understanding smile, he steps into the hug where he’s wrapped up in warmness and comfort. Nuzzling his face in Taeyong’s neck, Mark allows himself to take his first fresh breath in and out.

“I’m so sorry, kiddo, hyung is so so sorry for the way I treated you. I should have been there for you. We’re all stressed from the upcoming comeback but no doubt you have had more stress than the rest of us. Hyung’s so sorry.”

Mark, tired but feeling more understanding after the conversation with Peter, hugs Taeyong back.

“It’s okay hyung,” the pleaser in Mark replies, giving forgiveness as easily as he breathes.

“No, it’s not okay. It was wrong and even though we’re all stressed out because the concert’s nearing shouldn’t mean we should be taking it out on you just because of an accident. You were not at fault Mark, at all. We are. I’m sorry for the way we treated you, for the way I treated you. We talked about it after, when you went to the hospital and realized our fault. I take full responsibility. I’ll do better. You didn’t deserve it Mark. I’m so sorry.”

A hand lands somewhere near Mark’s shoulder on his back.

“I’m sorry too Mark. We shouldn’t have taken it out on you like that. We were worried and stressed but showed it in the worst way possible. You really didn’t deserve it. We’ll do better for you Mark. I’m so sorry. We’ll do better, as hyungs.”

Feeling relieved from both their words and feeling the pressure release from him, Mark could only nod as he burrowed himself further into Taeyong’s arms, quiet relieved tears swelling in his eyes from all the stress and emotions he had gone through that day. There would definitely be more of a conversation to unpack later on and more apologies to be said but for now, he was going to bask in the safety of his hyungs and trust that they meant every word they said.