Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sarada: Everyone synchronise your watches.

Boruto: I don't know how to do that.

Kawaki: I don't wear a watch.

Mitsuki:Time is a construct.

[Team 7 responding to being stabbed by a sword]

Mitsuki: Rude.

Sarada:That's fair.

Boruto: Not again.

Kawaki: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

Sarada: Where's Mitsuki?

Kawaki: Don't worry, I'll find him.

Kawaki, shouting: Boruto sucks!

Mitsuki, distantly:Boruto is the best person ever! Fuck you!

Kawaki: Found him.

Kawaki:ARE YOU-

Boruto: Fucking.

Kawaki:KIDDING ME?! YOU-

Boruto:Fucking.

Kawaki: IDIOT!

Mitsuki: …What was that?

Boruto: Sarada banned Kawaki from swearing, so I’m helping him out.

[Team 7 when they drop food on the floor]

Sarada: Aw man.

[Throws it away]

Boruto: Five second rule!

Mitsuki: Foolish germs, thinking they can stop me!?

[Eats it off the floor]

Kawaki: 

[Sobs on the floor]

Sarada, in a room with Mitsuki, Boruto, and Kawaki: It’s calm in here.

Sarada: It scares me…

Sarada:You're smiling. What happened?

Kawaki:What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it?

Mitsuki: Boruto tripped and fell down the stairs today.

Sarada:How do Kawaki and Boruto usually get out of these messes?

Mitsuki:They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one

Boruto: Today at 7 am, Kawaki poured a Monster energy drink in his coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing.

Mitsuki: I watched Kawaki brew his coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think he ascended into the astral realm.

Sarada: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.

Sarada: We call that a traumatic experience.

Sarada, turning to Boruto: Not a "bruh moment".

Boruto, turning to Mitsuki: Not "sadge".

Sarada, turning to Kawaki: And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

Sarada: I think we're missing something.

Boruro: Teamwork?

Mitsuki: Cohesion?

Kawaki: A general sense of what we’re doing?

Boruto: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.

Mitsuki: You are my reward.

[A few feet beside them]

Kawaki: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.

Sarada: True, you can be really difficult at times.

Boruto: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?

Mitsuki: Strong.

Kawaki: Weak.

Sarada: An idiot, is what your are.

Mitsuki: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Boruto: Not if they consent to it.

Kawaki: Depends on who your stabbing.

Sarada: YES??!!?

Boruto: Sarada, keep an eye on Kawaki today. He is going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Sarada: Sure, I'd love to see Kawaki getting punched.

Mitsuki: Try again.

Sarada, sighing: I will try to stop Kawaki from getting punched.

Sarada: What’s up with Mitsuki? He's been laying on the floor for like….an hour now?

Kawaki: He is just a little overwhelmed.

Sarada: Why?

Kawaki: Boruto smiled at him.

Boruto: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.

Mitsuki: The cow??

Boruto: What?

Sarada: Mitsuki, W H Y?

Mitsuki, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs?

Boruto: It means like in hand-to-hand combat.

Mitsuki: Ohhhh-

Sarada: Both of you get out of this kitchen.

Chapter Text

Boruto: I told Kawaki their ears flush when they lie.

Himawari: Why?

Boruto: Look.

Boruto: Hey Kawaki! Do you love us?

Kawaki, covering their ears: No.

Himawari:

Boruto: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?

Kawaki: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-

Himawari: Smad.

Boruto: WHY. why did you give Himawari a KNIFE?!

Kawaki: I’m sorry. She said she felt unsafe.

Boruto: Now I feel unsafe!

Kawaki: I’m sorry.

Kawaki: ...would you like a knife?

Kawaki: How do you do that?

Boruto : I'm fearless.

Himawari: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad.

Boruto: I'm mostly fearless.

Boruto: I really like this whole ‘good guy, bad guy’ thing you guys have going on.

Kawaki: It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m mean and Himawari isn’t.

Himawari : Why are you late?

Boruto: A technical error occurred, causing an unexpectedly long bout of unconsciousness.

Himawari : Overslept?

Boruto: Overslept.

Kawaki: You can trust me

Boruto: Okay, Can I? Because the last time I left you in charge of something...

Kawaki: Ugh! This is about those stupid Tamagotchis?

Boruto: Actually, it is!

Kawaki: You left me with six of them, Boruto! Taking care of that many is like a full-time job!

Boruto: I left you with six adult Tamagotchis in perfect health, and by the time I came home, they were all dead.

Boruto: You have to like, actively murder them in order for that to happen.

Boruto: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Himawari: Wasn't Kawaki with you?

Kawaki: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Himawari: Kawaki, was a metaphor?

Kawaki: My life is a train wreck. 

Himawari: I know, but what's a metaphor?

[Siblings playing Among Us]

Boruto: I believe Himawari is innocent, I was with them the whole time. Kawaki, what were you doing?

Kawaki: Oh, I was just murdering… I mean, nothing!

Chapter Text

Boruto, after losing his parents, his eye, and identity: This can’t get any worse. Can it?

Kawaki: Sure it can - just give me a minute.

After Eida alters everyones memories:

Sarada: Where is Boruto?

Mitsuki: I'll do you one better, who is Boruto??

Sasuke: Here's a better question, why is Boruto?

Boruto: Kawaki, I am questioning your sanity...

Momoshiki: I never questioned it, I knew his sanity was missing from the start.

Kawaki: Am I going to far?

Eida: No, no, no. You went too far about 7 hours ago. Now you’re going to prison.

Chapter Text

Kawaki: I prevented a murder today.

Naruto: Really? That’s amazing! How did you do that?

Kawaki: Self-control.

Inojin: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Shikadai: You’re a hazard to society

Chocho: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

Sasuke: How many kids do you have?

Naruto: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?

Kawaki: I’m terrible at expressing myself.

Boruto: Don’t worry, actions speak louder than words!

Kawaki: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

Naruto: You often use humor to deflect trauma.

Boruto: Thank you.

Naruto: I didn't say that was a good thing.

Boruto: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny.

Konohamaru: Why is Boruto so sad?

Sarada: He took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes.

Konohamaru: And...?

Mitsuki: He got Lord Seventh. 

Boruto: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Kawaki: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

Boruto: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING MITSUKI WITH ME

Sarada, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

Sasuke: Okay, truth or dare?

Naruto: Truth.

Sasuke: How many hours have you slept this week?

Naruto:

Naruto: ...Dare

Sasuke: Go to bed.

Naruto: I don’t like this game.

Eida: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives.

Kawaki: I wake up at 4:30 AM.

Eida:

Eida: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.

Chapter Text

Boruto: I have a plan.

Sasuke: I have the hospital on speed-dial.

Kawaki: Is it just me or is instant ramen even better uncooked?

Naruto: It’s just you.

Sasuke: This is a mistake.

Boruto, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!

Sasuke: But not today.

Boruto, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess.

Naruto: What is your biggest weakness?

Kawaki: I can be uncooperative.

Naruto: Okay, can you give me an example?

Kawaki: No.

Kawaki: Someone will die.

Naruto: Of fun!

Sasuke, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!

Boruto walks in covered with ink

Boruto: Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

Naruto: I am going to need you to swear-

Kawaki: Fuck.

Naruto:

Naruto: ...swear as in promise.

Sasuke: I don't have enough energy for this.

Boruto: For what?

Sasuke: *Gestures vaguely*

Sasuke: God, give me patience.

Boruto: I think you mean 'give me strength'.

Sasuke: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.

Kawaki: Fuck.

Naruto: We've got to work on your cursing.

Kawaki: Why? I'm pretty good at cursing already.

Sasuke: Remember what I told you.

Boruto: Don’t be a cunt.

Naruto: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.

Kawaki: I will politely decline.

Chapter Text

Hinata: Okay, for this ‘experiment’, we’re going to put everything we love in the box.

Naruto: Can I put Himawari in the box?

Hinata: No, you can not put her in the box.

Kawaki: Can I put Himawari in the box?

Hinata: No, you can’t.

Boruto: Can I-

Hinata: NOBODY IS PUTTING HIMAWARI IN THE BOX!

Naruto: This year, I decided to get myself something beautiful and intellectual for my birthday.

Hinata: This morning I woke up in a box.

Boruto: Kawaki has no survival skills, his need to win has replaced them.

Naruto: That can't be true!

Boruo: Watch this.

Boruto: Hey Kawaki, race you to the bottom of the stairs!

Kawaki: *Throws himself out a window*

Boruto: Nothing in life is free.

Himawari: Love is free!

Naruto: Adventure is free.

Hinata: Knowledge is free.

Kawaki: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

Naruto: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Hinata: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Naruto: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Hinata: Is it working?

Boruto: Look guys, I need help.

Himawari: Love help?

Hinata: Financial help?

Naruto: Emotional help?

Kawaki: Help moving a body?

*Everybody looks at Kawaki*

Kawaki: What?

Kawaki: What does 'take out' mean?

Naruto: Food.

Hinata: Dating

Boruto: Murder.

Himawari: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

Hinata: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Naruto: Several traffic violations.

Himawari: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Boruto: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Kawaki: Also, that’s not our car.

Naruto: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Hinata: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Naruto: Absolutely not.

Kawaki: Boruto, what do you have?

Boruto: A KNIFE!

Kawaki: Okay, have fun-

Naruto: NO!

Naruto: Hinata and I are having a baby.

Kawaki: That's gre-

Naruto, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here.

Chapter Text

Code: Eida is playing hard to get.

Code: Little does she know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Boruto: Is something burning?

Mitsuki: Just my love for you.

Boruto: Mitsuki, the toaster is on fire.

Eida: I have feelings for you.

Kawaki: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Boruto: Can I have 2 straws with that milkshake?

Sarada: Aww-

Boruto: With 2 straws, I can drink it double as fast!

Kawaki: No one has a crush on me. I am too strong to be crushed.

Boruto: What’s this?

Mitsuki: My to-do list.

Boruto: Oh? That’s great. You’re starting to get organiz—

Boruto: This just says ‘Boruto.'

Eida: I think I'm falling for you.

Kawaki: Then get up.

Code: I love you

Eida: Wrong number. 

Code: You are standing right here. 

Eida: Wrong Address. 

Code: Wait, wha-

Eida: Please leave a message after a tone. Beep. 

Kawaki: Are you ready to commit?

Eida: Like, a crime or a relationship?