Archive of Our Own ^beta

Guilt.

This whole thing, these past few months, was filled with unbearable guilt. Guilt of betrayal, a guilt that no other thing could top it, a guilt that will always stay in your heart and that would make your heart shatter every time you think about it.

Bek regretted doing what they did so much, it's not something they even thought of doing to someone even to someone they loved, but they did it. It's too late. You can't change the past. You can't bring back someone you love once you betray them.

Bek was tired, tired of doing awful things that would lead to nothing, no positive aspects of doing, killing people that probably had a wife and kids that were excited for them to come home and having a lovely dinner to celebrate. Bek couldn't help but to open up the dead's pockets every time, the dead he killed with the gun in his hands and to look at their pictures the dead's children drew for them or the letter their wife sent them, oh the guilt in bek's heart was too much to bear that they felt so physically ill that their head started to spin and his eyes would start watering and how his vision was blurring from the emotional guilt.

Bek only had one person they cared for, Creek. They were also in this hell hole. Somewhere else but somewhere here, Bek only hoped that they wouldn't see their dead body in the dirt , somewhere where creek's body didn't belong or a random stranger who had no value, approving creek's death to bek. Oh bek hoped that this would all be over and Creek and bek would just be home, probably sipping on some coffee or tea and snuggling up together on a couch watching some dnf clips.

Bek saw creek across the battlefield, creek was pointing his gun at a couple , a couple that were crying and huddled up together on the ground and shaking and holding on to together for dear life and begging creek to spare their life. Bek's eyes widened and ran across the battlefield with gun in hand and near tripping over a couple of times, every noise of soldiers shouting and crying and the sounds of explosives going off was so much but bek was so focused on getting to creek that the sounds around bek muffled and oh god bek never ran this fast in his life.

When bek reached a few metres away from Creek bek shouted

"CREEK!"

and creek spun his head around to bek and creek's expression softened but bek's didn't, bek's expression was full of negative emotions, too much negative emotions, anger, nervousness, sadness and hatred? Bek was just mad, how can creek think it's okay to do this to a couple? Bek didn't believe what he was seeing. Creek trying to kill a couple, Bek didn't even know why creek was doing it, was creek really that awful of a person?

"I-I HAVE CHILDREN AT HOME, PLEASE NO., P-PLEASE"

The couple screamed at creek with the gun still pointing to the couple,
Creek didn't move a single muscle. He stood there as if those words didn't matter to him but he still looked at Creek with a softened expression but he was too far gone, his face was covered in scratches and dirt and his eyes looked like they didn't belong to Creek anymore and looked so lifeless. This wasn't the creek bek remembered.

Bek shakily pointed the gun to creek, the gun pointed to creek where creek's heart would shatter, physically and mentally. Creek's expression grew from soft to nervousness, like all his love for Bek disappeared.

"Creek… I'm sorry"

Bek said with tears threatening to spill from his eyes and with a lump in his throat, oh he couldn't breathe properly. The heart in his chest, in his ribcage. The place where only Creek had an effect on.

"Bek please.. remember all the times we've had together you're better than this."

Creek said with a hint of venom and nervousness surrounding his voice, he was demanding Bek to not do anything that would hurt Bek.

Bek's breath hitched but he knew this discussion would be right for everyone, for the couple. He didn't want Creek to turn out to be like him, someone who would kill people and regret it and live with a heart stabbing guilt for his whole life.

Bek's head hurt from the discussion but he knew that both would hurt Creek's heart.

Bek took a deep breath and looked at Creek's eyes and then the gun pointing at the couple.

"Bek, I lov-"

The trigger was pulled. The guilt already filled Bek's heart but the bullet filled Creek's heart and creek dropped to the ground. Creek's heart poured out alongside with all the blood, the warm blood in Creek's body that would warm up Bek on cold days. Creek's eyes were even more lifeless but he looked more peaceful now and the wound where his heart was was pouring out on his uniform staining it and pooling on to the ground.

The couple ran away in horror and Bek dropped to the ground with hands on his face with tears spilling through his hands and he couldn't breathe properly, like he was gonna die alongside with Creek. He hugged creek's lifeless body not thinking about anything else and sobbing on creek's lifeless body.

Bek felt a piece of paper in creek's breast pocket, where the bullet shot. Bek fiddled with the pocket trying to get the piece of paper out and Bek's heart shattered more .

"Bek.
Hopefully you don't receive this letter,if you do it means that I'm dead, it's not a letter I would ever think about giving to you. I don't think I would ever think about even giving a final letter to someone I love but I hope you live your life and to continue it like you always wanted to. I know you won't give up. I hope you find someone that would make you happy, I know I wasn't the best partner you had but I did try. I know we had our ups and downs but we always stuck together, I know that you would always have my back no matter what.

I really hope I don't die so I could finally marry you after all of this hell finishes and live our lives and that this hell doesn't finish it. That's my dream. I lov"

The bullet shot half of the rest of the letter, making it unreadable to read the rest.

"I love you too, Creek."

Bek looked at Creek and then took the gun in his hand and shot the final bullet in his head. Making the two in peace, somewhere else that wasn't this hell.