Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Son, we need to talk.” Wirt’s father, the Gnome King, said while patting the chair next to him, indicating that Wirt should sit down.

“What is it, father?” Wirt said as he sat down. He hoped this conversation was not going to be what he thought it was going to be about.

“Wirt, you are getting older, and you are going to become the King of the Gnomes one day.” The Gnome King continued. “And when you do become king, you are going to want someone to rule by your side.”

Wirt knew where this conversation was going. It was really not a topic he wanted to talk about. Ever.

“Now, I’m not saying you have to find your mate right this second, but you really should find one before the end of summer, when the Silva Salto is.”

Wirt did not even want to go to Silva Salto. He was content just looking around the forest, as far away from the dance as possible.

“Okay father. I will find a mate before Silva Salto.” Wirt stated, nevertheless.

“I’m holding you to that. Remember, Wirt, as the Gnome Prince, you have obligations to fulfill and expectations to meet.”

“I know.” Wirt said, waiting to be dismissed.

“That’s all, kid. Get a mate before the end of summer. I’ll see you later. I have important king duties.” Wirt’s father stood up and went somewhere. Probably to greet his subjects or make new laws or something.

Wirt sighed and stood up. He walked out the door. He might as well go on a walk through the forest or something.

“Wirt, Wirt!” His brother, Greg, interrupted his to-be walk. “Do you wanna play a game with me?” Greg asked excitedly, smiling broadly.

“Sorry, Greg, but I need some time to myself right now.”

“Oh, alright then.” Though Greg’s voice still sounded cheerful, he looked dejected, and that sent a stab of guilt through Wirt.

“I promise I’ll play with you later.” Wirt said, in an effort to cheer Greg up. It worked, as Greg immediately brightened up.

“Is that a rock fact?” Greg asked as he pulled out a rock with a silly face painted on it.

“It’s a rock fact.” Wirt said, ruffling Greg’s hair and smiling fondly. “See you later, Greg.”

“See you later, Wirt.” Greg then scurried off as Wirt turned around and started his walk.

Wirt looked around at everything, from the green pine trees that stood tall and strong, to the tiniest blade of grass that moved slightly in the breeze. He looked up at the blue sky that had a few white clouds scattered throughout it, and at the colorful flowers were littered throughout the forest. Wirt did not think he could ever get tired of looking at the forest’s beauty.

However, this joy was short lived as he ran into someone.

“Sorry!” He exclaimed while getting up and brushing himself off. Wirt looked at the person he ran into.

It was a boy that was around Wirt’s age who was wearing a battered, old hat with a pine tree on it. He had on shorts and tennis shoes, as well as a red-orange t-shirt with a puffy, blue vest over it.

“No, it’s my fault.” The boy said. There was a long, awkward pause between the two of them as they briefly had eye contact (the boy’s eyes were brown, like the wood of the trees)
before looking anywhere except the other person.

“Soooooo….” The boy said while scratching the back of his head. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Wirt managed to say. Why was talking to people so hard?

“My name is Dipper.” Dipper held out his hand for a handshake.

“I’m Wirt.” Wirt said as he shook Dipper’s hand. “It is nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.” Wirt and Dipper fell back into another awkward silence, neither knowing what to say.

“Uh, so, what are you doing out here in the woods?” Dipper asked.

“Oh, I was taking a walk. I like looking around at the scenery.” Wirt answered. “What about you? What are you doing out here in the forest.” Dipper paused before answering Wirt’s question.

“I wasn’t really doing all that much.” Dipper said, not keeping eye contact with Wirt. “I was just exploring and looking around.” He briefly kept eye contact before breaking it and glancing around at the surrounding forest. “This forest really is beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is.” Wirt was just glad that the conversation was flowing now. He hated awkward silences. “I love going for walks around here. I don’t think I will ever not be amazed by the beauty of this place, though it can be pretty dangerous sometimes with all the creatures and stuff roaming around.

Dipper gave a look of astonishment and then confusion.

“Wait, you’ve heard of the creatures that live in Gravity falls?” Dipper said, sounding like a mixture of confused and surprised.

“Of course I have. I’ve lived here my whole life, and it’s kind of hard to live here without running into them.” It was Wirt’s turn to look confused. “Why would you think I didn’t know about the creatures of Gravity Falls?”

“I’ve found that most of the town’s folk are unaware of the supernatural things that go on in Gravity Falls. Either they are completely oblivious or just outright deny the existence of the things that live here.” Dipper thought, putting a pen (that Wirt did not remember Dipper taking out) between his teeth and chewing on the end of it. Dipper then took it out of his mouth and spoke. “How come you don’t ignore all the happenings of Gravity Falls?” Wirt thought a bit before answering.

“Well, I guess it’s because it is pretty hard to ignore everyone, and it would be pretty rude to not acknowledge my subjects.” Wirt said. He didn’t really consider the gnomes his subjects, (he thought of them more as friends) but sometimes it was just easier to refer to them that way because more people understood what he was talking about.

“You’re-you’re subjects?” Dipper asked, surprised. It looked like if Dipper had been drinking something, then he would have done a spit take.

“Well, they are technically my dad’s subjects, but I’m the prince, so it basically still applies, right?” Wirt said, a little confused by Dipper’s reaction.

“No, but, like, who are your subjects?” Dipper asked. Wirt wondered how Dipper did not know that Wirt was the Gnome Prince. Wasn’t he wearing his crown? Wirt reached up above his head to make sure the cone hat was there, despite the fact that he could still feel the weight of it on his head. After making sure that his crown as still atop his head, he answered Dipper.

“The gnomes, of course. You couldn’t tell that from my hat?” Wirt gestured at his crown. Dipper laughed a bit.

“Sorry. I was wondering about the hat, but I didn’t think you wore it because you were the Gnome Prince! I did not even know that the gnomes had a hierarchy aside from a Queen!” Dipper suddenly had a notepad and was furiously writing in it. His tongue was sticking out a little bit as he was writing, which Wirt thought was kind of cute. “Do you think you could tell me about the gnomes?” Dipper asked excitedly. It kind of reminded Wirt of Greg. Oh man! Greg! Wirt glanced at the sky to find that it was later than he had expected.

“As much as I would love to tell you about my people, I promised my little brother that I would play with him after my walk, and it is a little later than I expected.” Wirt said quickly, trying to explain why he was leaving. He felt pretty bad about needing to leave right then, as Dipper’s face fell slightly.

“That’s fine. I have a sibling of my own, so I understand. Maybe we could meet up some other time?” Dipper asked hopefully.

“Sure. Does about this time here tomorrow sound good?” Wirt asked, not wanting to upset Dipper.

“It sounds like a plan.” Dipper said as he put his notepad and pen into his vest. “See you tomorrow, Wirt.”

“Bye, Dipper!” Wirt said as the boy walked away. Wirt started to go back home.

“Sorry that I’m a bit late, Greg.” Wirt said as he approached his brother.

“It’s fine. The important part is that you’re here now!” Greg said, throwing his hands up into the air.

“So what are we going to be playing?” Wirt asked.

“We’re going to play Pirates and Robbers.”

“Alright then. Are you ready?”

“Ready.” And, as they played, Wirt couldn’t help but wonder about the brunette he had met in the woods.

Chapter Text

“Hey, Wirt! Where are you going? Are you going on another walk?” Greg asked Wirt cheerfully.

“Yeah. Kind of. I met a guy in the forest yesterday, and I said I would meet up with him again today.” Wirt responded. Why would he lie to his brother?

“Cool! There’s not a lot of people who go into the forest. Can I meet him?”

“Uh, sure. I guess.” Wirt said, slightly apprehensive. Would Dipper mind it if he brought his little brother?

“Yeah!” Greg put his hands up into the air while cheering. “But where are you going to meet up with him?”

“You know that part of the forest where everything seems a bit brighter? That place.” Wirt said, a little bit vaguely. That particular part of the forest was just the tiniest bit brighter than the rest of the forest, and Wirt had absolutely no idea why.

“What are we waiting for then? Let’s go!” Greg said as he bounded off towards that part of the forest, while Wirt tried to catch up with him.

“So, what is this guy’s name?” Greg asked while they walked towards the meeting place.

“His name is Dipper.”

“What does he look like?”

“Well, he has brown hair and eyes, and he wore a blue and white hat that had a pine tree on it.”

“What is he like?”

“I only met him yesterday, you know.” Wirt said. “You can’t really judge a person by first impressions.”

“True enough.” Greg said before asking another question. “Are you going to go with him to Silva Salto?”

“W-what?” Wirt sputtered, blushing bright red before running into someone.

“Sorry!” He apologized before glancing up to see Dipper. Both Wirt and Dipper started laughing.

“Dude, we need to stop running into each other like this.” Dipper said.

“Dipper! You didn’t tell me the guy you met was totally cute!” Wirt glanced at the person who said that and wondered how he had noticed them before.

It was a girl with brown hair that went all the way down to her hips. She was wearing a rose hair clip and a large, green sweater depicting a bunch of different flowers, as well as a red skirt and a pair of black flats and white socks.

“Oh yeah. I brought my sister. I hope you don’t mind.” Dipper said while getting up off the ground.

“It’s fine. I brought my sibling as well.” Wirt said as he got up and gestured towards Greg.

“Hi!” Greg said cheerfully. “My name is Gregory, but you can call me Greg!”

“Hi, Greg!” Dipper’s sister said, just as cheerfully. “I’m Mabel and this huge dork over here is my twin brother, Dipper.”

“You two are twins? No way!” Greg said as the two struck up a conversation, leaving Dipper and Wirt to talk.

“So, uh.” Wirt started awkwardly. “How are you?”

“Good.” Dipper said, just as awkwardly. “What about you?”

“I’m doing well, thank you.” Wirt said, sounding a bit like he had rehearsed that line over and over again. The two stood there, not really knowing what to say to the other.

“Oh my god. You two are both ginormous dorks!” Mabel and Greg went over to the brown-haired nerds, as if sensing the awkward and unwelcome silence. Mabel turned towards Wirt.

“Nearly forgot about the person my bro-bro went to see. Hi! My name’s Mabel, but you can call me the girl of your dreams.” Mabel said, flirting with Wirt. Wirt went as red as a cherry.

“MABEL!” Dipper yelled, which covered up Wirt’s clumsy sputtering of words.

“I’m joking!” Mabel said, playfully shoving Wirt, which caused him to fall to the ground. Wirt got up, brushing himself off.

“I-I’m Wirt.” Wirt said with a stutter. He cursed under his breath. He hated stuttering.

“It is awesome to meet you!” Mabel exclaimed.

“It’s nice to meet you, too” Wirt said. Greg, meanwhile, was introducing himself to Dipper.

“Hi there! I’m Greg!” Greg held out his hand for a hand shake.

“I’m Dipper. It’s nice to meet you.” Dipper said as he shook Greg’s hand.

“It’s very nice to meet you too, Dipper!”

“So, uh, Wirt.” Dipper started awkwardly. “About those gnomes…” He trailed off, waiting for Wirt to say something.

“Right, you wanted to ask about the gnomes.” Wirt said, a little quicker than he would normally speak. “Fire away, I guess.” Dipper looked excited as he got out a small notepad and a pen.

“So, since you’re the Gnome Prince-“

“Dipper, you didn’t tell me that Wirt was a prince!” Mabel interrupted Dipper, and Dipper’s eyes lost that excited sparkle as his face formed a more irritated expression. “And the Gnome Prince at that! I didn’t even know that the gnomes had a prince. That’s so weird. Did you know I got kidnapped by gnomes once? It was during the first summer my bro and I ever came here.” She talked extremely quickly as Wirt attempted to process what she was saying.

“How many years has it been since then? Three? It’s been a super long time.”

“Wait, you were kidnapped by the gnomes?” Wirt exclaimed, finally processing what Mabel had said. “Are you okay? You weren’t hurt in any way, were you?” He bombarded Mabel with worried and concerned questions.

“Woah. Calm down you giant worry-wart. You’re just as bad as Dipper.”

“Hey! I’m not that bad!” Dipper protested Mabel’s statement.

“You were the one who was worrying that Norman was a zombie.” Mabel said while Wirt stood aside and watched the two siblings bicker.

“It was a legitimate fear!” Dipper yelled back.

“He wasn’t even a zombie.”

“Yeah, but he did end up being a bunch of gnomes who kidnapped you!” Dipper’s voice cracked as he waved his arms around.

“Pfff.” Mabel giggled. “I was fine.”

“I had to save you!” Dipper exclaimed, exasperated.

Wirt just stood there, not really sure what to do or say while the twins argued with one another.

“But I survived.” Mabel said.

“Why are we even arguing about this!?” Dipper threw his hand up into the air.

“I don’t know!” Mabel yelled cheerfully as she mimicked Dipper.

“I don’t know why we are throwing our hand into the air, but it looks fun!” Greg said, copying what Mabel and Dipper were doing by putting his own hands up into the air.

Wirt laughed as his little brother waved his hands around in the air, as did Mabel and Dipper. While Dipper had already put his hands down, Mabel’s hands were still waving about in the air along with Greg’s while making random sounds.

Wirt and Dipper stayed to the side while Mabel and Greg did whatever they were doing.

“So.” Wirt started. “What were those questions you wanted to ask me?”

Dipper’s eyes lit up at that. He quickly got out a notebook and pen and started to click the pen rapidly in excitement.

“I have so many questions. Like, what kind of hierarchy do the gnomes have? Why do they all have beards? Are there female gnomes? How do the gnomes reproduce? Do they-“

“Whoa, whoa. One question at a time, please.” Wirt said, a bit overwhelmed by all the questions Dipper was asking. Dipper looked a little disappointed that Wirt could not answer all of his questions at once, but seemed to realize the human limitation of only being able to answer one question at a time. Dipper took a deep breath to compose himself and asked his first question.

“So, what kind of hierarchy do the gnomes have?”

“Well, the, uh, gnomes don’t really care much for social classes other than a king and queen, who typically give orders, but some of the gnomes are assigned roles like a police force and such. There are gnomes who will command others if the Queen, King, or their offspring cannot be found. That does not really happen all that often though. The only reason why that would happen is if the King or Queen died.” Wirt stated the ending part a bit sadly, thinking about how his mother had died a few years ago. “But enough of that. Next question?’

Dipper tilted his head in a confused manner, but shrugged off Wirt’s sad tone before asking his next question.

“Right, then.” Dipper continued his bunch of questions. “As the Gnome Prince, what is your role in the gnome society? Like, what do you have to do?”

“I don’t really have all that much to do.” Wirt answered. “The Gnome Prince does not get important duties and such, though I do have obligations to fulfil, like attending dances or parties. I also enjoy tending to the graves, however morbid that may seem.” Wirt let out a small, awkward laugh. “Next question.”

“What kind of duties do the Queen and King have?” Dipper said, jotting down various notes.

“Well, the Queen and King look after the gnomes. They usually make sure the gnomes don’t get into too much trouble. They assign gnomes to jobs and make sure everyone is safe. The Queen and King are basically overseers that make sure things are in order.” Wirt replied.

“Ok, uh, this may be kind of a weird question, but why do you look like a human if you’re the Gnome Prince?” Dipper inquired. “I mean, you don’t really look all that much like a gnome.” Wirt laughed.

“No, I guess not. I look human because I’m a hybrid of a human and a gnome. I’m like, half human and half gnome. So, the only really ‘non-human’ features I have are that I’m shorter than average and my teeth are slightly more pointed than a human’s.” Wirt opened his mouth to show his slightly pointed teeth. “See?”

“That’s pretty neat. But, like.” Dipper went a little pink as he asked his next question. “How would a human and a gnome even DO that?”

“Well, uh, uh.” Wirt sputtered. “It’s like.” He made a vague gesture with his hands but, thankfully, was interrupted by Mabel.

“Dipping Sauce. We have to go do our shifts at the Mystery Shack.”

“What?” Dipper said. “But I was having fun.”

“Yeah, but if we are late to work, we will have to work extra and I was planning on hanging out with Pacifica today. Please? I haven’t seen her for an entire year!” Mabel whined.

“Alright, alright. Same time tomorrow, Wirt?” Dipper said, ready to go with Mabel to the Mystery Shack.

“Yeah, Dipper.” Wirt said back.

“Goodbye, Mabel and Dipper!” Greg yelled as he waved.

“Goodbye, Greg!” Mabel said. “You too, Wirt.”

“Yeah. Bye.” Wirt said, waving his hand a little. The twins went off and Wirt glanced at the sky, noticing it was much later than he thought it was.

“I like them.” Greg said as they started walking back to their home. “They’re nice.”

“Yeah.” Wirt agreed. He couldn’t help but think the same thing. “Yeah they are.”

Chapter Text

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” Beatrice asked Wirt as he hurried out of the house. Wirt froze and looked at the talking bluebird.

“Well, uh… you see, um.” Wirt stuttered. He had not really told anyone about Dipper except for Greg.

“Come on. Spill it. You’ve been sneaking into the forest for, like, a week now.” Beatrice said, before her tone suddenly became suggestive. “So, who is it?” Wirt could feel the blood rushing to his face.

“W-what? But, I… and.” Wirt sputtered out as he attempted to form a proper sentence. “What?” He managed to finish, still trying to get his thoughts together.

“You know. Who’re you seeing every time you go off into the forest?”

“You mean Dipper?’ Wirt finally managed to get out.

“So they have a name. So,” Beatrice started. “Are they cute?” Wirt’s blush came back full force.

“No! I mean, I guess. I mean he.” Wirt fumbled over his words. “Oh my god.” He put his hands over his bright-colored face.

“I’ll take that as a yes. When do I get to meet this guy?”

“Well, uh, I was, you can.” Wirt took a deep breath to try and compose himself. “Um, I was just about to go meet him, so I, uh, guess you can come with me.”

“Lead the way, then.” Beatrice started flying after Wirt, who had started to go towards the place that he and Dipper always met up. “So, would you care to tell me why you didn’t tell me about this guy for a little over an entire week?” Beatrice asked.

“Well, uh, you see, um, well.” Wirt stuttered, trying to explain himself. “I was, uh, going to tell you, but, see, I was really busy, what with meeting up with him, and looking after Greg, and tending to the graves, and-“

“I got you, ya worry-wort. I’m not mad or anything. I just wanted to know.” Wirt laughed in relief.

“Oh, thank god. I thought you would be-” Wirt ran into someone, once again. This was beginning to feel like an overused trope.

“Yeah, it kind of is.” Of course the person he ran into was Dipper again. Wirt and Dipper laughed.

“I didn’t even realize that I had said that out loud.” Wirt said as he laughed. Beatrice looked between the two of them.

“So, when’s the wedding?” Dipper and Wirt both went slightly pink. Wirt started babbling incomprehensively. Dipper, on the other hand, awkwardly coughed and spoke.

“So, uh, who’s your friend here?” Dipper asked. Before Wirt was able to respond, Beatrice spoke.

“I’m Beatrice. And you must be the famous Dipper.”

“Yeah, I’m Dipper, but famous?” Beatrice giggled.

“Yeah. Wirt over here talks about you all the time. ‘Hey, Beatrice, I met this guy in the woods,’ ‘Yeah, Beatrice, he is cute.’”

“No, I don’t.” Wirt said quickly.

“Yes, you do.” Beatrice countered.

“You didn’t even know that he existed before today.” Wirt reasoned.

“But you talked about him the entire time I did know he existed.”

“Only because you were asking questions about him.”

“You didn’t have to answer my questions.” Beatrice pointed out. “You only did because you’re such a pushover.”

“I’m not a pushover.” Wirt argued.

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Hey, Wirt. Go get that stick over there for me.” Beatrice ordered.

“What, that one?” Wirt pointed to the stick.

“Yeah, that one.” Beatrice confirmed.

“Yeah, sure, okay.” Wirt went over to get the stick. “Here you go.” He handed the stick over to Beatrice, who grabbed it with her talons and then proceeded to drop the stick on Wirt’s head.

“Hey!” Wirt yelled. “What was that for?”

“Pushover.” Beatrice answered simply. Dipper, meanwhile, was smiling during this entire conversations. Beatrice saw him smiling and promptly commented on it.

“See, look. Even Dipper over here is smiling because you’re such a pushover.” Wirt did a fake little gasp.

“Dipper! I can’t believe you would betray me in this way.” Wirt was going to say more, but refrained, as that ‘more’ was likely going to be poetry, and he did not want Dipper to know about that.

Dipper laughed, and Wirt decided he really liked the way the teen laughed.

“Oh, yes. I was planning on back stabbing you all along. When I met you here in this forest, I knew. I knew that you were the one I was going to betray.” Dipper said, speaking in a mock-serious tone before going back to laughing along with Wirt and Beatrice.

“As much as I would like to hang out with you two goobers more, I have somewhere to be, so I’ve got to go.” Beatrice said.

“Bye, Beatrice.” Wirt and Dipper said in unison.

“Goodbye, you dorks.” She then quickly flew off, leaving Wirt and Dipper alone.

“So, your friend is nice.” Dipper said once Beatrice was out of sight. Wirt laughed.

“I think you must be mistaken. She’s actually a big jerk disguised as, get this, a big jerk.” Dipper chuckled.

“You think I’m joking? You saw her drop a stick on my head!” Wirt continued.

“Yeah, you’re right. She’s super mean and you two bicker and fight like siblings.” Dipper grinned as he said this.

“Oh, wow. Betrayed once again. I allowed you to get close to me, only for you to stab me in the back. Oh, woe is me.” Wirt stopped before he started spouting off poetry.

“I already betrayed you once. How did you expect me not to betray you again?”

“It is one of the world’s greatest mysteries.” Wirt made a kind of opening gesture while wiggling his fingers.

“Well, as they say, trust no one.” Dipper gulped and then coughed before changing the subject.

“So, on the subject of you and Beatrice bickering like siblings, how’s Greg?” Wirt decided not to pry into the reason why Dipper changed the subject so quickly.

“Greg has been doing well. He’s just excited by the fact that his birthday is in less than a month. He’s going to be turning seven this year.” Wirt answered. “What about Mabel? How is she doing?”

“She’s been doing pretty awesome. Mabel is probably knitting a new sweater right now.” Dipper replied.

“Wait, your sister makes her own sweaters? They’re so well made!” Wirt said, surprised.

“Yeah, she’s made them ever since she was a little kid.” Dipper put his hand on his chin in a thinking manner. “I don’t actually remember when she first started making her own sweaters, but she’s made them for as long as I can remember.”

“That’s amazing!” Wirt said. Dipper smiled as he proudly talked about his sister.

“Yeah, it is pretty amazing. I’ll be sure to tell her that you like her sweaters. Who knows, she may even knit you a sweater.”

“Really?” Wirt blushed a bit and coughed at his excitement. “I mean, I won’t get my hopes up or anything, but that would be really nice of her.”

“She probably will make you a sweater when she knows and trusts you well enough.” Dipper responded before changing the subject. “You mentioned Greg’s birthday was coming up. Do you mind telling me when it is?” Dipper asked.

“It’s on July 6th. He’s super excited and has a birthday wish-list already.” Wirt replied.

“At least you know exactly what to get for him. I never know what to ask for my birthday. It’s like all year I can think of things that I want, but when my birthday comes around, my mind draws a complete blank."

“I’m the same.” Wirt agreed. “I don’t understand how Greg can do it. He’s even started planning the party!”

“That’s completely understandable. Though, Mabel and I typically only plan the party a week before our birthday.”

“When is your birthday, anyways?” Wirt asked.

“Mabel and I were born on August 31st. What about you? When’s your birthday?”

“My birthday is November 22nd.” Wirt answered. “It’s kind of neat that you and your sister’s birthday is on the last day of summer.”

“What about it makes it neat?” Dipper questioned as he cocked his head to the side.

“Well, you see,” Wirt started. “The last day of summer is kind of important to the creatures of Gravity Falls. Then again, all the seasons changing is important to us.”

“What do you guys do on those days? Is there like a party or something?”

“Yeah, kind of. All of the festivals are different and some are more formal than others.”

“How many parties or festivals do you guys usually have in a year?”

“Well,” Wirt started counting on his fingers. “There are the four seasonal ones we have every year, we have a party for each of the royal birthdays, uh, let’s see.” Wirt started mumbling some words and moving his fingers around before giving up. “A lot.” Wirt ended simply.

“Define ‘a lot’.” Dipper made a quotations gesture. “Is it like a hundred parties?” He made a sort grand motion with his hands. “Or is it more like ten or twelve.” Dipper made his hands look like they were holding some sort of ball.

“It’s probably more around ten or twelve if one only counts the gnomes’ parties. It’s a lot more if one counts everyone’s parties. I swear that the Manotaurs have a party like every other day.” Wirt answered. Dipper made a face as Wirt mentioned the Manotaurs.

“I do not care for the Manotaurs.” Dipper explained before Wirt’s own insecurities could run rampant.

“I’m not a huge fan of them either, but would you mind telling me why you don’t like them?” Wirt inquired.

“It’s kind of a stupid story, but I was being teased for not being ‘manly’ enough, so I went to the Manotaurs to learn about being a man, but they wanted me to kill the Multi-Bear, who was actually really nice. So, I became friends with the Multi-Bear, and now I think the Manotaurs kind of, maybe, might hate me. I don’t know. I haven’t really talked to them in years.” Dipper made a thoughtful expression. “Then again, they probably don’t remember me. They weren’t really that bright.” Wirt suddenly laughed.

“S-sorry.” Wirt apologized. “But saying that the Multi-Bear is nice is kind of funny because the gnomes use him to scare the younger gnomes into behaving.” Dipper snorted.

“That is pretty funny. What do they say?”

“They say stuff about how the Multi-Bear will eat bad children.” Wirt stated as he grinned.

“Really? Does the Multi-Bear know?”

“Yeah. He visits all the time. He gets a kick out of it.”

“How effectively does he scare the kids?” Dipper asked.

“He scares the kids pretty badly until they actually meet and talk to him. Then they realize that he wouldn’t hurt a hair on their heads.”

“So, it’s effective for the ones who have not met him. What happens when someone tells someone who does not know him that the Multi-Bear isn’t that bad of a guy?”

“I guess it depends on the person they tell.”

“What about you? What was your experience with the Multi-Bear?” Dipper inquired. Even though Wirt knew that it was an innocent question, he still felt his ears go read in embarrassment.

“Well, I, uh, that’s,” Wirt started, scratching the back of his head. “That’s kind of a super embarrassing story.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, you know.” Dipper said.

“Not, it’s fine.” Wirt ran a hand thought his hair. “It really isn’t that bad of a story, it’s just pretty embarrassing because I should have known better.”

“What? Were you scared of the big, bad Multi-Bear?”

“Yeah, shut up.” Wirt playfully shoved Dipper and they laughed.

“You know, as nice as this place is, we should go somewhere else at some point.” Dipper said once the two were finished laughing.

“What place do you have in mind?” Wirt questioned, a little out of breath from laughing.

“Well, we could go to the Mystery Shack.” Dipper suggested.

“The Mystery Shack?” Wirt raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah. It’s the tourist trap that my Grunkle Stan runs. Sure, everything in there is fake, but some of the things Grunkle Stan comes up with are pretty hysterical.” Dipper smiled as he talked about his ‘Grunkle’. Well, Wirt couldn’t say no to that grin.

“Sure. That sounds fun.” Dipper beamed and, wow, his smile was really pretty.

“Great! How about we meet up here tomorrow so that I can show you where the Mystery Shack is?”

“Yeah.” Wirt agreed. “That sounds like a plan.”

“It’s getting kind of late, so we should probably start going home now.” Dipper said.

“Yeah, probably.” Wirt scratched the back of his head.

“So, see ya.” Dipper waved and left.

“Yeah, see ya.” Wirt waved back, but stood there for a minute after Dipper left. Dipper had an amazing smile.

Chapter Text

“Greg. Greg.” Wirt yelled out as he tried to find his little brother. He stopped, put his hands on his hips and looked around. “Oh, where is he?” Suddenly, he heard a scream that sounded like his brother. “Greg!” He rushed towards the source of the scream. When Wirt did get to the place where he had heard the scream, he saw Greg unharmed and screaming at-

“Wirt! Wirt! I found a giant caterpillar!” Greg screamed excitedly. There was, in fact, a giant caterpillar like Greg had said. It definitely wasn’t the strangest thing one could find in the forest, but Greg was pretty excitable.

“Be careful, Greg!” Wirt shouted as Greg got closer to the large caterpillar. Even though it seemed to be rather harmless, there was no telling how dangerous the big caterpillar actually was.

“Pff. I’ll be fine, Wirt.” Greg rolled his eyes and waved his hand in a dismissing gesture. Greg turned around and pet the ginormous caterpillar.

“Hmm.” Greg put his hand on his chin. “You need a name. But what to name you?”

“Greg. You can’t just keep a gigantic caterpillar as a pet.” Greg put his hands on his hips and stood up straight in response.

“Cathy is their own person and is not a pet.” Greg said.

“And you’ve already named it.” Wirt said, exasperated.

“Cathy is not an it.” Greg defended the massive caterpillar.

“Greg, I don’t think Cathy can fit into the house.” Wirt deadpanned.

“That’s why they would stay outside!” Greg responded.

“What would they even eat?” Wirt asked. Greg thought before shrugging.

“I don’t know what caterpillars eat. Do you know what they eat? Never mind. You obviously don’t know don’t know what they eat since you asked about it. Let me rephrase that. What do you think a caterpillar eats?” Greg asked.

“Well, uh, I don’t know. I guess leaves or something?” Wirt replied, bringing his arms up in a shrug.

“Yeah. That seems like the most logical-Hey!” Greg yelled. “Cathy has gone missing! Gasp! What if someone kidnapped them?”

“I don’t think anyone kidnapped Cathy, Greg. If anything, they probably just crawled away.”

“Yeah. Cathy is a free caterpillar now.” Wirt almost sighed in relief. Thank god they weren’t going to go track down a huge caterpillar.

“Hey, Wirt. Don’t you go see Dipper around this time of day? Can I come with you again?” Greg asked.

“Sure.” Wirt responded. “But Dipper’s going to take us to the Mystery Shack today.”

“What’s the Mystery Shack?” Greg questioned.

“It’s the tourist trap Dipper’s Grunkle runs.” Wirt answered.

“Oh.” Greg said. “What’s a Grunkle?”

“I have no idea.” Wirt replied.

“So, let’s go ask Dipper.” Greg suggested.

“That sounds like a good idea. Yeah. Let’s go meet up with Dipper and ask him what a Grunkle is.”

“Lead the way then!” Greg yelled joyfully as he bounded off after Wirt.

“So, are we going immediately to this Mystery Shack,” Greg started. “Or is Dipper going to show us where it is?”

“Dipper is going to show us where it is.” Wirt answered.

“What do you think is in the Mystery Shack?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Probably something mysterious or spooky or something?”

“Oh.” Greg’s eyes lit up. “Do you think there are any frog skeletons in there?”

“Do frogs even have skeletons?” Wirt wondered out loud right as the two got to the meeting spot.

“I don’t see Dipper anywhere.” Greg said as he looked around. “And frogs totally have skeletons! If they didn’t, then they would just be blobs.”

“Dipper is probably busy with something and is a little late.” Wirt reassured Greg. However, Wirt was thinking of the possibility of Dipper not showing up. What if he didn’t show up? What if Dipper hated him? What if-

“Wirt.” Greg suddenly said, snapping Wirt out of his less than positive thoughts. “Like you said, Dipper is probably just busy with something and is running a little late.” Wirt didn’t even realize he had said any of that out loud, and, though he was still a little nervous, Greg helped him distract himself from that mindset.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Wirt admitted. Suddenly, he heard someone running through the forest. He froze up. What was that? Was it going to harm Greg and him? Was it dangerous? Was it going to threaten the gnomes? Was it-

Dipper suddenly burst through, panting hard, like he had just run a marathon. Wirt breathed a sigh of relief, but quickly changed his demeanor once he had actually got a good look at Dipper.

“Are you okay?” Wirt yelled and promptly ran over to Dipper. Dipper was covered head to toe in dirt, he had scratches everywhere, and had a few bruises. “What happened?”

“I’m fine.” Dipper grinned as he said this. “I just kind of accidentally angered a bunch of pixies. They didn’t hurt me too badly. Most of this is from tripping and falling because they kept casting spells at me.”

“You need to get medical care!” Wirt exclaimed.

“I agree.” Greg confirmed. “Maybe there is some stuff at the Mystery Shack.”

“Please tell me there are at least bandages of some sort there.” Wirt pleaded.

“Don’t worry. There are bandages at the Shack.” Dipper affirmed.

“How far away is it?” Wirt fretted. “How quickly can we get there? Oh my god. Are you bleeding? Which way is the Mystery Shack?”

“It’s not that far away. It’s just over there.” Dipper pointed in a direction. “And I’m not bleeding.”

“Right, okay. Can you walk?” Wirt worried. Dipper laughed.

“Of course I can walk. I ran here.” Dipper chuckled out.

“Yeah, Wirt. You’re so silly.” Greg commented. “Now, let’s go to the Mystery Shack!”

“I’ll lead the way.” Dipper stated, beginning to go to the Mystery Shack while Wirt hovered around him.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re covered in scratches. Are you sure there are enough bandages at the Shack? How did you even get this hurt by pixies of all things? Are you-”

“Wirt.” Dipper said sternly. “I’m fine. I’ve been hurt much worse than this before. The Shack always carries a surplus of bandages, and pixies apparently get really angry when they are angry. I’m fine.” This, however, did little to placate Wirt’s worries.

“What do you mean you’ve gotten hurt worse than this before?”

“It’s not like I’m bleeding or anything, Wirt.”

“You heard the man, Wirt.” Greg interjected. “It’s not a code red. It’s more of, like, a code yellow.” Dipper chuckled at Greg’s comment.

“Here we are.” Dipper said suddenly. “The Mystery Shack.”

He gestured towards a rickety wooden shack. It seemed to be fairly run down, but it was obviously well cared for. There were giant letters that announced the building as-

“The Mystery Hack?” Wirt questioned. Dipper giggled.

“Yeah. The S is always falling off no matter how hard we try to keep it on. The Mystery Hack is probably a more accurate name for it, though.”

“In what way is it a hack?” Wirt asked.

“My Grunkle sells things for absurd prices.” Dipper explained. “And it’s kind of a mystery why anyone buys his merchandise.”

“Oh yeah!” Greg suddenly exclaimed. “We were going to ask you what a ‘Grunkle’ was. It sounds like some sort of soap.” Greg made a face, and Dipper chuckled.

“Grunkle is just the words Great and Uncle smashed together.” Dipper answered.

“That’s amazing! What is it like having a Grunkle?”

“Weird.” Dipper answered simply.

“Hey, Wirt, why don’t we have a Grunkle?”

“We probably do, but they are likely not alive anymore.” Wirt explained.

“Oh my gosh, Dipper!” A voice screamed as the person glopped Dipper. “You didn’t tell me you would be bringing Wirt and Greg to the Mystery Shack today!”

“It was kind of spur of the moment, Mabel.”

“Well, I’m glad they’re here!” Mabel beamed as Wirt looked at what she was wearing that day. She was wearing a yellow sweater that had a smiley face and the words ‘Have you smiled today?’ one it. She was also wearing a green headband and a skirt of the same color. He then glanced at Dipper and remembered exactly why he wanted to get to Mystery Shack so quickly.

“Dipper, you need to get cleaned up and get some medical care!” Wirt stated.

“Come on, Wirt. It’s not like I need to do that immediately.”

“Dipper!” Wirt whined.

“Alright, fine.” Dipper submitted. “I’ll go take a shower or something if it will make you happy.” Dipper went off to hopefully take a shower while Mabel looked on in astonishment.

“Oh my god, Wirt. You got Dipper to take a shower without having to fight him down and force him to!” Mabel exclaimed.

“It’s not really that amazing.” Wirt said bashfully.

“No.” Mabel grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him straight into the eyes. “I don’t think you understand how big of a deal this is. Dipper. Is. Taking. A. Shower. He hasn’t showered in forever. Dipper never takes a shower because he thinks other things are more important than hygiene. So, believe me when I say this, Wirt. It is a miracle that you managed to get my brother to take a shower after, like, two seconds of telling him to do so.”

“You’re welcome, I guess?” Wirt looked around. “Wait. Where’s Greg?”

“He might have gone inside the Shack.” Mabel said. “You want to check in there?”

“He was pretty excited about coming here.” Wirt stated, though he was doubtful. What if Greg went off somewhere else? What if he got hurt? What if-

“I’m gonna stop you right there.” Mabel silenced the thoughts he didn’t realize he was saying out loud.

“MABEL!” An old man stepped onto the porch of the Mystery Shack. He was wearing a suit and an eye patch. He was holding a cane with an 8-ball on the top of it, and he had a red fez with a, what was that? Like a fish or something? It was golden in color.

“Stop flirting with boys and get back to work!” The man yelled.

“I’ll be right there, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel yelled back.

“These people won’t rip themselves off, you know!” The old man said before going back into the Shack.

“Yeah, yeah.” Mabel mumbled before talking to Wirt. “Come on, Wirt! Let’s go find your brother.” She dragged him inside the Shack.

Wirt’s fears about losing his brother were immediately placated as he saw his brother talking to a girl who was at the cash register. He breathed a sigh of relief. Greg glanced over and saw his brother.

“Hey, Wirt!” He immediately said upon seeing his elder sibling. “This is Wendy.” Greg pointed towards the girl at the counter. She had long red hair and was wearing green flannel, blue jeans, a pair of brown combat boots, and a hat that seemed to be too warm for the current weather. “Wendy, this is my brother, Wirt.”

“Sup.” Wendy gave a little wave.

“Hi.” Wirt said awkwardly. Well, at least introductions were over with, right?

“Hey, Wendy.” Dipper suddenly appeared. Wendy took one glance at Dipper before shouting in disbelief.

“Dude. Did you actually shower?” The only thing that indicated that Dipper had taken a shower was the fact that his hair was wet.

“Yeah, yeah. Big deal.” Dipper rolled his eyes.

“MABEL!” Wendy yelled, and Mabel seemed to appear out of now where. “Dipper took a shower!”

“I know, right?” Mabel responded. “And it’s all curtesy of this guy right here!” She made a grand gesture towards Wirt.

“Really?” Wendy looked at Wirt. “How did you accomplish that?”

“Come on, guys.” Dipper said. “It’s really not that big of a-” Mabel interrupted him.

“Wirt just told him to take a shower, and he did!” Wendy’s face took a look of amazement.

“Whoa. Dude. Tell us your secrets.”

“I don’t really have any.” Wirt said, blushing a bit in embarrassment. “Really guys. I don’t.”

“Why is there such a ruckus in here?” The man that was in a suit entered the room. “You guys are going to scare the customers away.” He spoke in a gruff tone.

“Oh nothing.” Mabel feigned innocence. “Except for the fact that Dipper took a shower!”

“What? Really?” He said, as astonished as both Mabel and Wendy were.

“Guys.” Dipper deadpanned. “Really? I took a shower. Why is that such a big deal?”

“Because you never shower.” Mabel replied.

“I shower!” Dipper defended.

“Yeah, but we always have to fight you to do so, and, this time, a guy just told you to shower and you did.” Wendy said.

“What?” The old man shouted in disbelief. “Who?”

“This guy!” Mabel shouted joyfully as she pointed towards Wirt. The man laughed and slapped his knee.

“I can respect anyone who can get Dipper to take a shower, especially if they don’t have to use brute force.” The old man held out his hand. “My name is Stan Pines. Welcome to my establishment.”

“Wirt.” Wirt said as he shook Stan’s hand. Then Stan’s hand came off. Wirt let out a scream.

“What the-” He stopped as soon as he saw Stan laughing.

“Always works.” Stan chuckled. Dipper and Mabel rolled their eyes.

“Grunkle Stan, that is such an old joke.” Dipper commented.

“And you still get scared by it!” Stan laughed. Immediately after he said that, they all heard a scream that sounded like-

“Greg!” Wirt yelled, abandoning Dipper, Mabel, and Stan to go find his brother. He bolted into the room where he had heard the scream. “Greg?”

“Wirt! Look! Look! They do have frog skeletons!” Greg pointed towards a display, which was a frog skeleton covered in pink and purple glitter along with a sign that said it was ‘The Skeleton of the Legendary Glitter Frog.’ Wirt made a sigh of relief once he had found his younger sibling.

“Jesus Christ, Greg. You’re going to give me a heart attack one day.” Wit stated, though he was ignored.

“What’s over there?” Greg went over to look at a display that showcased a table with a face that was called ‘The Taster.’ Wirt sighed at his little brother’s antics before smiling fondly.

“Siblings, right?” Dipper appeared and was smiling fondly along with Wirt.

“Yeah.” Wirt let out a laugh. “Siblings.” He glanced over to Greg. “Greg, wait! You’re not supposed to touch that!” Dipper giggled at the two’s antics, and Wirt’s face flushed.

“S-sorry.” Wirt apologized. “Greg can be a bit excitable.”

“It’s fine.” Dipper responded. “Do you two want a free tour of the Mystery Shack?”

“That would be nice.” Wirt said. “But you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No, no. I offered. But, first,” Dipper put up one of his pointer fingers. “I need to look the part, so give me a minute to change.

“Alright. I’ll make sure Greg doesn’t destroy anything or something.”

“You do that.” And then Dipper went to go change.

“Greg!” Don’t touch the exhibits, please.” Wirt went over to his brother and tried to prevent him from destroying anything for a few minutes. Wirt wondered why Mabel and Stan hadn’t appeared yet, but he was too busy dealing with Greg to worry about that.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to wait for Dipper for too long before he came back.

“Alright. Are you ready for the tour?” Dipper said once he got there. He was wearing a suit, similar to what Stan was wearing, as well as a triangular-shaped eyepatch. Dipper had also ditched his hat and seemed to have styled his hair. Overall, Wirt thought he looked pretty nice.

“Go right ahead.” Wirt said.

“Is Dipper going to give us a tour?” Greg inquired.

“Yep.” Wirt stated, popping the p.

“Alright. Let me just…” Dipper coughed a bit and stood up straight. “Welcome one, welcome all to the one and only Mystery Shack!” He had his hands far apart and was doing jazz hands.

“On your right, you will see The Legendary Glitter Frog! Or, it’s skeleton, anyways. The Glitter Frog is known for all of it being made entirely of glitter. And before you ask, yes, it is, in fact, made of many different types of glitter.”

“Are all Glitter Frogs different colors?” Greg questioned.

“Every single Glitter Frog is unique, just like anything else, so yes. They are all different colors.” Dipper answered before going on with the tour.

“And here you’ll see The Taster, a ferocious table monster who will eat anything in its path.” Wirt could see the glue that was used to put the fangs and face on the table. He smiled at how silly it was.

“Oh no!” Greg did a little gasp and put his hand over his chin. “Will it eat me?” Dipper grinned at this.

“No. The Taster will eat anything except for human flesh. It doesn’t care for it.”

“That’s good. I don’t want any of us to get eaten.” Greg stated. “What’s next?”

“The straw-berry.” Dipper pointed towards a pile of straw that was shaped to vaguely look like a strawberry. “It comes from the straw-berry bush. That bush, instead of leaves, has grass.”

“So it’s just a bush.” Greg made a face. “That’s boring.”

“Well, onto the next attraction.” Dipper gestured towards a flag that seemed to be made of a bunch of different flags. “The Flagger! Not much is known about The Flagger, but we do know that whenever it senses a flag it does not have, it will go towards that flag, rip off a piece, and attach that piece to itself.”

“Gasp! So violent!”

“Next up is the-” Dipper stopped to laugh at an attraction that was some sort of hairy beast with a pair of underwear on. “The Sascrotch.” Dipper managed to get out before continuing to laugh. Wirt started to laugh as well, not because he found it funny, but because Dipper’s laugh was contagious. Greg even started laughing.

“Wow. I can’t believe Grunkle Stan kept that.” Dipper said once he stopped laughing. He was still smiling. “Just wow.”

“I don’t even know how that was funny.” Wirt commented, panting slightly from the laughter.

“I don’t know either, but we were still laughing, so something must have been funny.” Greg stated. Then Greg’s stomach rumbled. Wirt giggled.

“It looks like we should probably go get some food.” Wirt said.

“Do you guys want to stay for dinner?” Dipper offered.

“No.” Wirt answered. “It’s tempting, but we have a tradition to eat dinner with our family. Maybe we could do it on another day? Or we could eat lunch together one day?

“That sounds like a good idea.” Dipper smiled. “I guess you guys should go and eat now.”

“Yeah.” Wirt looked at Greg. “Come on, Greg. Let’s go get some food.”

“Yeah!” Greg shouted cheerfully. “Let’s go! To food!” He went off.

“To food.” Wirt chuckled. He turned towards Dipper. “See you another time, then.”

“See ya.” Dipper waved. Wirt then went off to his little brother, who was saying goodbye to everyone.

“Bye Wendy. Bye Mabel. Bye Stan.” Greg said to everybody.

“Aww. Do you have to go back home.” Mabel whined.

“As much as I would like to stay, food is very important.” Greg answered.

“True enough.” Mabel said. “Go get your food.”

“Wirt! Come say goodbye to everybody!” Greg insisted.

“Yeah. Alright. Bye everybody.” Wirt waved before he and Greg went outside and started to go back home.

“That was fun!” Greg said. “The attractions were interesting.”

“You know all those attractions were fake, right?” Wirt told Greg.

“I know.” Greg answered. “It was just fun to pretend.”

“Yeah.” Wirt replied. “I guess it was.”

Chapter Text

“The leaves shine emerald as the golden light of the sun filters through them.” Wirt mumbled to himself as he was waiting for Dipper to arrive. “They twist and dance as the winds wrap them in their embrace.” He may have gotten a little bit board and started to describe the leaves. “Seemingly free and happy, they are trapped by the branch of the tree, only to die when they start to fly.”

“Hey, Wirt.” Dipper seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Wirt jumped and briefly wondered if Dipper heard him whispering poetry to himself. “How’s it going?”

“Things have been going well.” Wirt said, thankful that Dipper did not mention the poetry at all. Maybe he didn’t hear. “Nothing super interesting has happened recently, though Greg is still excited about his birthday. He woke me up this morning yelling about how his birthday was only in three weeks.”

“What time did he wake you up?” Dipper asked.

“I don’t even know, but the sun wasn’t even up yet.” Wirt answered, and Dipper chuckled.

“Nothing else interesting, though, right?”

“No. Everything has been pretty mundane for the last couple of days.” Wirt stated. “Anything interesting happen to you recently?”

“Only if you count Mabel making Mabel Juice.” Dipper shuddered. “That stuff could awaken a beast that had been asleep for a thousand years.”

“Does that mean it smells bad or good?” Wirt asked, grinning a bit about how silly the conversation between the two sounded.

“It means that a single drop of Mabel Juice could keep you up for a while.” Dipper rubbed his eyes. “Seriously, the last time I had some, I couldn’t go to sleep for days afterwards. I can’t fathom how Mabel drinks it all the time.”

“I’ll be sure to stay away from Mabel Juice then.” Wirt commented.

“Mabel will probably get you to drink it at least once.” Dipper said.

“And from what you say about it, I will regret drinking it immediately afterwards.” Wirt then realized something. “Oh my god. It would be absolute chaos if Greg drank any.”

“That does sound terrifying.” Dipper looked Wirt right in the eyes. “We need to make a pact to keep Greg away from Mabel Juice.” He said in mock seriousness.

“Do we need, like, an oath or something?” Wirt asked, going along with the joke.

“I’ll make one up as I go.” Dipper stated. “Just repeat after me.”

“Alright.” Wirt agreed.

“I, Dipper Pines,” Dipper started.

“I, Prince Wirt of the Gnome Kingdom,” Wirt copied, using his own name instead of Dipper’s. Well, his formal name.

“Do solemnly swear,” Dipper continued.

“Do solemnly swear,” Wirt repeated.

“To keep Greg away from Mabel Juice at all costs.”

“To keep Greg away from Mabel Juice at all costs.”

“And now we shake hands.” Dipper said, bringing out his hand for a handshake.

“Right.” Wirt took Dipper’s hand and the two did a handshake. Then they both started laughing.

“I didn’t, like, sell my soul to you or anything, right?” Wirt asked after he finished laughing. Dipper chuckled.

“You totally did. Your soul is mine now, and you’re never getting it back.” Dipper joked.

“Oh no! What ever shall I do?” Wirt dramatically put the back of his hand on his forehead.

“You will live the rest of your life without a soul.” Dipper said.

“Well, that doesn’t sound too bad.” Wirt stated. “It’s not like I got any bodily damage.”

“No, but your soul is now mine, and there is no telling what I might do with it.”

“What do you even need my soul for?”

“Wirt.” Dipper put his hand on Wirt’s shoulder. “I hate to tell you this, but souls are power, and the more souls one has, the more powerful they are.”

“And how many souls have you collected?” Wirt was trying to refrain from laughing.

“I have collected many souls.” Dipper replied.

“Could you give me a specific number?”

“Probably somewhere over one thousand.”

“What do you need my soul for then? Since you have so many souls, after all.”

“Because, obviously, there is a person who has more souls than me, which means they are more powerful, and we can’t have that, now can we?” Wirt was seriously wondering how Dipper has kept a straight face throughout the entire conversation.

“No, obviously not, but why don’t you just steal souls from the guy?” Wirt questioned. “Not that I condone stealing or anything illegal like that.” Dipper laughed and so did Wirt, unable to hold back his laughter anymore.

“I’ve considered it. However, they are a very dangerous person to steal from, so I opted to not do that.” Dipper answered.

“That’s your reason?” Wirt said in disbelief. “Not that stealing is morally wrong or anything, but that the person is too powerful to fight if you get caught? Dipper! I expected better from you!” Wirt was smiling as he scolded Dipper.

“Grunkle Stan says anything is legal when the cops aren’t around!” Dipper grinned while Wirt almost face-palmed.

“That is horrible advice to follow.” Wirt deadpanned. “Your moral compass is obviously skewed.”

“Pff. Who needs to follow rules?”

“People do. And so do gnomes.” Wirt answered Dipper’s rhetorical question. “And any society with rules and regulations and laws.”

“But following rules is boring.” Dipper whined.

“That makes me worry about how many laws you have broken.” Dipper grinned broadly in response, but said nothing.

“R-really, Dipper?” Wirt actually did a face palm. “Really? Please tell me you haven’t broken that many laws or, at the very least, have never gone to jail of any sort.” Wirt pleaded.

“Well…” Dipper started.

“You’ve been to jail before, haven’t you.” Wirt said. It wasn’t a question.

“Kind of.” Dipper shrugged.

“How do you kind of go to jail?” Wirt asked, a bit exasperated.

“I didn’t actually go to jail-jail.” Dipper defended. “It was basically just jail for kids, so I technically have never been to jail, if you don’t count that.”

“Why, Dipper.” Wirt rubbed his temples. “Just, why.” He brought his hands into a why gesture.

“Because following rules is boring and for goody-two-shoes.”

“That is definitely not true. Following rules is for people who don’t want to get arrested.” Wirt argued.

“Haha.” Dipper looked at his watch. “Oh no! I’m going to be late for work! Grunkle Stan is going to kill me.”

“You have to leave now?” Wirt said, a bit sad that Dipper had to leave so soon.

“Yeah. Grunkle Stan will yell at me if I’m late, and also say that he is going to lower the amount I get on my pay check, despite the fact I don’t even get one.”

“Maybe I can come with you?” Wirt offered, almost immediately regretting what he said because of fears of offending Dipper in some way. But, before he was able to say anything, Dipper responded.

“That would be nice, but…” Dipper started and Wirt tensed up once Dipper had said but. Oh no. He knew this was a bad idea. Ideas on the fly are always bad ideas. Stupid. Idiot.

“…don’t blame me if Grunkle Stan ends up getting you to work some while you’re there.” Dipper finished and Wirt almost sighed in relief.

“I think I’ll be able to handle that.”

“I’ll have to run to get there on time, so I hope you’re fast.” Dipper warned before bolting off.

“Hey! Wait up!” Wirt shouted as he ran after Dipper.

“Catch me if you can!” Dipper yelled back. The two quickly reached the Mystery Shack. Wirt was panting hard, while Dipper seemed to be completely unaffected by the short run the two had done.

“H-how, huff, how are you so, puff, g-good at running.” Wirt panted out.

“Constantly running away from monsters helps. Oh! And cross-country during the school months. That helps too.” Dipper stated. “Anyway, into the Mystery Shack!”

“Y-yeah.” Wirt said, still trying to recover from the short run he and Dipper had done. “Just, give me a moment.” Wirt took a deep breath.

“You good?” Dipper asked. “You’re not dying on me or anything, right?”

“I’m good. Still alive.” Wirt gave a thumbs up. “Let’s just…go inside. Yeah.”

“Glad to know that you are still alive and kicking.”

“Haha. Very funny.” Wirt said as the two walked in the Shack.

“That price is unacceptable!” Wirt immediately heard once he had walked into the Mystery Shack.

“Beatrice?” Wirt exclaimed as he saw the person he had heard.

“Wirt?” Beatrice said. She was in her human form with dark red hair and freckles. “What are you doing here?”

“I don’t know. What are you doing here?”

“Business.” Beatrice stated simply.

“What kind of business would you even need to do here?” Wirt asked, maybe a little bit too hysterically, as some people were now looking at the scene.

“Important business.” Beatrice said, not giving any details whatsoever. “Now, if you will excuse me.” Beatrice faced Stan. “Old man, that price is completely unacceptable.”

“Take it or leave it.” Stan challenged. The two glared at each other for a full minute before Beatrice gave up.

“Fine! Have it your way, old man.” Beatrice reluctantly put some money on the counter, which Stan quickly snatched up before giving Beatrice a bag.

“Nice doing business with you!” Stan was grinning triumphantly while Beatrice mumbled something about Stan being ‘a cheap old man.’

“Hey! I heard that!” Stan yelled while Beatrice started to leave. “Dipper! You’re late!” While Stan was yelling at Dipper for being late, Beatrice was dragging Wirt to the side.

“What are you doing here?” She whispered.

“Dipper’s Great Uncle runs the place.” Wirt answered before shaking his head. “But enough of that. What were you doing here?”

“Like I said, I was doing business.” Beatrice replied.

“What kind of business, though? What was even in that bag, anyways?”

“It was very important business. And, as for what’s in the bag, you shouldn’t worry your pretty little head over it.” Beatrice patted Wirt on the head.

“Beatrice, you are not giving me any information on this. Are you doing anything illegal? Please tell me you are not doing anything illegal.” Wirt fretted.

“I’m not doing anything illegal, Wirt.” Beatrice said. “I’m just getting something for your dad.”

“Wh-what? Wait. What?” Wirt sputtered. “What does my dad need from this place? He’s not planning on doing anything completely crazy, is he?”

“Of course not!” Beatrice denied. “You’re just not supposed to know about it, that’s all.”

“This entire thing is very concerning and suspicious.”

“Nope. It’s not.” Beatrice said before changing the subject. “Anyways, how’s Greg? I haven’t seen him in a while. Have you gotten a present for him yet?”

“No, well, yes, I have gotten a present for him, but- Beatrice! Don’t change the subject!”

“Hey!” Stan yelled at the two. “Buy something or get out!”

“Welp, that’s my cue to leave. Have fun with Dipper.” Beatrice winked and made a quick escape while Wirt was blushing and stuttering.

“H-hey!” He said before yelling out of the door. “This isn’t over!”

“So, kid, are you going to buy something or what?” Stan said to Wirt.

“Yeah. Might as well, right?” Wirt went to go look at the things in the gift shop. He found a few things that seemed to be interesting, but he cringed at the price tags.

“Yeesh. Why is everything so expensive?” He asked out loud.

“It’s probably because my Grunkle is greedy and wants all of your money.” Dipper said.

“Ahhh!” Wirt let out a small scream. “Where did you come from?” Dipper chuckled.

“Grunkle Stan put me on stocking duty.” Dipper answered, taking an item out of a box and putting in on the shelf. “Anyway, what was the deal with that girl?”

“Haven’t you already met Beatrice?” Wirt asked.

“Wasn’t Beatrice a bluebird?” Dipper countered.

“Well, yes, but that was her as well.” Wirt answered.

“What is she, like, a shape-shifter or something?” Dipper giggled.

“Well, yeah, kind of.”

“Whoa! Really?” Dipper looked surprised. “Is there anything else she can shift into?”

“No. She can only turn into a human or a bluebird or something in between.”

“So she can’t turn into a tiger or a mug or anything.”

“Nope. Just a human and a bluebird.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever met a shape-shifter like that before.” Dipper put another item on the self. Wirt noticed that they were snow globes with the Mystery Shack inside them.

“Implying that you have met some other type of shape-shifter before.” Wirt pointed out.

“Yeah, but he tried to kill Mabel, Soos, Wendy, and I.” Dipper said before his eyes widened. “Oh my god, Wirt. I don’t think you’ve met Soos, yet!” Dipper put the last snow globe on the shelf before dragging Wirt somewhere. “Come on!”

“Wait, what do you mean a shape-shifter tried to kill you? Why are you being so nonchalant about this?” Wirt worried, but Dipper seemed to ignore him.

“Where is Soos, anyways?” Dipper asked before the two stumbled upon a guy who was on a small ladder and fixing a ceiling fan.

“Hey, Soos!” Dipper said as he saw the man. He was wearing a blue T-shirt with a question mark on it, a pair of shorts, some black tennis shoes, and wore a brown baseball cap on top of his head. The guy glanced over to Dipper and waved.

“Hey, dude. How’s it going?”

“It’s going great. By the way, this is Wirt.” Dipper said casually as if he did not just drag Wirt across the shack for him to meet the dude.

“Oh yeah! I’ve heard about you. The name’s Soos. It’s nice to meet you.” Soos got down from the ladder and held out his hand for a handshake.

“And I’m Wirt.” Wirt said despite the fact that Dipper had already introduced him. He mentally face-palmed while he was shacking Soos’ hand. “So, uh, do you mind telling me what type of things you have heard about me?” Wirt couldn’t help but asking, needing to soothe the insecurities that had bubbled up.

“Only good things, dude.” Soos answered. “Only good things.”

A ‘what kind of good things’ threatened to spill from Wirt’s mouth, but he bit his tongue to refrain from asking. He didn’t want to burden a stranger with his insecurities.

“And, as much as I would like to hang out, I have to fix this fan for Mr. Pines.” Soos stated. “Maybe I’ll hang out with you later if there isn’t anything that needs to be fixed.”

“Alright. Well, see you later, Soos!” Dipper waved goodbye and went back into the gift shop. Wirt followed him.

“Going back to your job, right?” Wirt said to Dipper.

“No, I was going to sneak away and not do anything.” Dipper joked. Wirt had a feeling that if he had not said anything, Dipper really would have gone and done that.

“Good thing I’m here to keep you in line then.” Wirt went to go open one of the boxes that Dipper had left behind when he went to go introduce Wirt to Soos. The box had trinkets that were in the shape of question marks, and they had different people’s names on them.

“Do you mind telling me where these go?” Wirt asked Dipper.

“They go over there.” Dipper pointed towards a rack where similar trinkets were.

“R-right.” Wirt stuttered blushing a bit in embarrassment for not noticing the display that was in plain sight. He took a question mark with the name Jessica on it and went over to put it where the other Jessica question marks were. Dipper picked up the box and brought it over to where Wirt was.

“Do you think I could find my name on one of these?” Dipper questioned as he put a question mark with the name Dave on the display.

“Probably not. I mean, your name isn’t really all that common.” Wirt responded while putting away one with the name John.

“I bet you couldn’t find the name Wirt on any of these either.” Dipper put one with the name Jade on the rack.

“I found the names Mabel and Greg, though.” Wirt proved his point by holding up two question marks, one with the name Mabel, and one with the name Greg.

“I’m sure Greg would get a kick out of that.” Dipper placed a question mark with the name Brian on the display. “I know Mabel did.”

“She would.” Wirt put away several question marks with the names Rose, Jake, Elena, Bob, Tyrone, and Caroline. “I wonder if we can find any other names of people we know.”

“Yep. I found Wendy and Stan.” Dipper held up the two question marks with the mentioned names on them before putting them on the rack.

“I found Beatrice.” Wirt put a question mark with the name Beatrice on the display.

Dipper picked one up and laughed at the name that was on the question mark.

“Wow. I found Pacifica’s name. She probably bribed Grunkle Stan or something.”

“Who’s Pacifica?” Wirt inquired.

“Pacifica Northwest. She’s basically Mabel’s best friend.” Dipper answered, putting away the last of the question marks.

“Doesn’t she live in the Northwest Manor?”

“Well, yeah.” Dipper paused. “Northwest’s typically live in the Northwest Manor. Any reason to point that out specifically?”

“Well, the gnomes kind of have a perfectly clear view of the Northwest Manor, and it is a really nice mansion, what with it’s amazing architecture and beautiful gardens and…” Wirt stopped when he realized he was probably rambling at this point. “…And I’m just going to stop talking now.” He flushed slightly.

“No, no. It’s fine. I don’t mind.” Dipper said quickly. “Really. I don’t. It’s kind of, I mean.” Dipper was blushing now. “It’s interesting. Uh, do you like architecture?”

“Yeah, I mean, I’m pretty interested in it, but it’s not really something anyone wants to hear me ramble on about.”

“Come on, dude. We all have things we’re interested in.” Dipper smiled. Wirt couldn’t help but think that Dipper’s smile was stunning. “And I want to hear what you are interested in.”

“Alright, fine.” Wirt tugged at his collar. “If you really want to hear me go on and on about the architecture of a single building.”

“It would be interesting to hear about it, yes.”

“If you insist.” Wirt took a deep breath, but, before he could start, the two were interrupted.

“Dipper! Stop flirting and get back to work!” Stan yelled before turning to Wirt. “And you. Wirt. The guy who got Dipper to take a shower.”

“Y-yes?” Wirt stuttered, afraid that Stan was going to yell at him as well.

“What’s with the get-up?” Wirt was caught off-guard by the strange, out-of-nowhere question. “What are you even supposed to be? The Gnome Prince or something?” This caused Dipper to let out a laugh, which caused Wirt to laugh. Wirt, however, quickly attempted to stop laughing and keep a straight face.

“Y-yeah. Pff. Kind of.” Wirt stated, still trying to stifle his laughs.

“What is that even supposed to mean?” Stan asked, which caused Dipper to laugh harder and Wirt to finally submit to his laughter.

“Why is what I said so funny?” Stan said. Dipper and Wirt were laughing too hard to answer him. Eventually, Dipper took a deep breath to try and stop laughing.

“The funny thing, pff, that you said,” Dipper started. “Was that you asked if Wirt was dressed as the Gnome Prince.” Dipper dissolved into laughter once again, though Wirt was trying to stop.

“I still have yet to find out why that is so funny.” Stan stated.

“I heard laughter!” Mabel entered the gift shop. “What are we laughing at?”

“Apparently me asking if Wirt is the Gnome Prince is funny.” Stan answered. Mabel let out a large, booming laugh.

“Is this some sort of inside joke between you three?” Stan complained. Wirt and Dipper, whose laughter had dwindled around the time Mabel had entered the room, started laughing at full force again, leaving Mabel to answer Stan.

“N-no.” Mabel giggled. “It’s just funny because Wirt is the Gnome Prince.”

“The Gnome Prince? Really?” Stan questioned in disbelief. “Shouldn’t he look more like a gnome then?”

“Well, actually,” Wirt started, finally getting control of his laughter. “I’m kind of a hybrid of a gnome and a human.” Wirt let out a huff of laughter. “Wow, my stomach hurts.”

“Same.” Dipper responded. The two missed the mischievous grin that spread across Stan’s face.

“Hey, Wirt.” Stan said, pretending like he had no ulterior motives.

“Yeah?” Wirt answered.

“How would you like to work at the Mystery Shack?” Stan offered.

“Really?” Wirt exclaimed, surprised that Stan would offer him a job. “Sure. When do I start?” Stan laughed.

“You can start right now! I guess you can help Dipper stock the rest of this stuff.” Stan gestured at the several boxes that had yet to be unpacked. “And, Mabel. Man the cash register. Remember, no refunds!”

“Yeah, yeah, Grunkle Stan. I’ll remember.” Mabel responded, going over to the cash register.

Wirt and Dipper started to put away the items that were in the boxes. They were putting some Stan bobble-heads on the shelf when Wirt realized something.

“Oh my god. I have a job.”

“You’re probably not going to get paid much, though.” Dipper replied, opening up another box that was full of blue T-shirts with question marks on them, similar to what Soos wore.

“I think I can live with that.” Wirt said, thinking about how the job would be a nice way to spend more time with Dipper. “Besides, it’s not like I would be able to get much use out of the money.”

“Any particular reason why?” Dipper put a shirt on a hander and hung it up.

“The creatures of Gravity Falls don’t use the same currency you guys do. Instead, we use safias.” Wirt took out a small green gemstone that was a little larger than a quarter to show Dipper. “See?”

“Wow. Fancy. Don’t let Grunkle Stan see that. He will steal it and then sell it for quadruple the price it should be at.” Wirt laughed and pocketed the gem.

“Trust me. I’m not going to let him steal my safias.” Wirt put the last few shirts on the rack. “How long are my shifts going to be, anyways?”

“Shifts are usually about three to four hours long. We’ll have to talk to Grunkle Stan about what shifts you are going to take.” Dipper opened up the last box, one that was filled with mugs with question marks on them. Wirt briefly wondered what was up with the Mystery Shack and question marks before replying to Dipper.

“I could come around noon tomorrow so that we can work out the details.”

“That would be great!” Dipper exclaimed before blushing sheepishly. “I mean, we, I, you, I mean.” Dipper took a deep breath. “You could join Mabel and I for lunch. And you could also bring Greg!”

“I would love that!” Wirt grinned, a warm feeling beginning to bubble up in his chest. Dipper blushed.

“It sounds like a plan.” Dipper put a few of the mugs on the shelf. “As for your shift right now, I guess it will be over when mine is over.”

“When does your shift end?” Wirt asked, accidentally brushing his fingers against Dipper’s while putting a mug on the shelf. He quickly went to go get another mug, his face flushing.

“Oh, it ends in…” Dipper’s face was a bit pink as he looked at his watch. He suddenly had a look of surprise on his face. “Five minutes?”

“Really? Didn’t you say that shifts usually last about three to four hours?”

“Yeah. I guess time just seemed to move quickly.” Dipper frowned as he put a few mugs on the shelf.

“Hey, what’s up?” Wirt inquired when he saw Dipper frowning. Wirt inwardly cringed. He didn’t know if there was actually anything wrong with Dipper. What if there wasn’t anything wrong? What if Dipper thought his worrying was annoying? Were Wirt and Dipper even good enough friends for Wirt to ask if something is wrong? Oh no. They were definitely not. Forming friendships takes a long time, and they had only been friends for about two weeks. Wirt asked a personal question and he couldn’t take it back now. It was out there in the open and…

“Oh! Nothing.” Dipper said, which did little to soothe Wirt’s insecurities. “There’s just something I was trying to figure out, but I’m having a bit of trouble figuring it out.” This made Wirt relax a little bit, but Wirt felt like there was something else.

“Do you mind telling me about it?” Wirt asked, deciding not to pry more into why Dipper seemed a bit upset. Dipper’s eyes lit up when Wirt asked his question.

“Well, it’s about the place we usually meet up.” Dipper started, talking fairly quickly. “And how it’s brighter than any other part of the forest, right?” Dipper was talking with his hands, which Wirt found to be pretty adorable. “So, it could be that the leaves have more chloroplasts, or maybe there is some external force making the area seem brighter. Or perhaps it is something within the trees itself. I have to do more research on it. I wonder if it looks any different at night.” He suddenly stopped and blushed. “Sorry. I’m probably rambling.”

“No, it’s fine.” Wirt stated, blushing a bit and scratching the back of his head. “I’ve always wondered why that part of the forest was brighter than everywhere else. If you figure it out, could you please tell me?” Wirt grinned sheepishly. Dipper stayed silent for a moment before replying.

“Yeah, sure. I can do that.” Dipper’s face was flushed and he was scratching his head while looking at the ground. “Oh yeah!” Dipper said after a moment of quiet between the two. “It’s the end of our shift!”

“Oh, yeah.” Wirt frowned slightly. “I’ll probably have to go home soon.” He didn’t really want to leave.

“Yeah…” Dipper trailed off. “I could walk you to the door.” He said, beginning to walk towards the door before tripping over a box that was still on the floor. Wirt giggled before going to go help Dipper up.

“You okay?” Wirt asked, glancing over Dipper to look for any possible injuries.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Dipper awkwardly laughed. “Yeah, um, right. You need to get home. You don’t want to miss dinner.”

“Missing dinner would be pretty tragic.” Wirt chuckled. The two went towards the door of the Mystery Shack, and they both successfully managed to not trip over anything.

“So, I, uh, guess we have to say goodbye now.” Dipper said.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Wirt replied. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Be sure not to die in that time frame.” Dipper joked.

“I think I’ll survive.” Wirt let out a laugh. “Bye!”

“Goodbye, Wirt. See you tomorrow!” Dipper said as Wirt went out the door.

“Yeah. Tomorrow.” Dipper stated out loud once Wirt had left. “I can wait that long.”

“Ohhhh! Does Dippin-dot have a crush?” Mabel said from her place at the cash register.

“Wh-what? No. Of course not. What made you thing that?” Dipper denied, his face essentially looking like a cherry.

“Nu-uh, bro-bro. You have a crush.” Mabel insisted.

“Nope. Nah. I totally don’t have a crush on Wirt.”

“Ha!” Mabel cried in triumph. “You admit it! You do have a crush on Wirt!”

“I do not!” Dipper denied. “Even if he is really cute and smart and his worrying is absolutely adorable and he has a great smile and-” Dipper stopped when he saw the large grin that had formed on Mabel’s face.

“Okay. Maybe I do have a bit of a crush on Wirt.” Dipper finally admitted, his face pink. “But only a small one!”

“Sure bro, if you say so.” Mabel said.

“I’m serious!”

“This is just going to be Wendy all over again.”

“Nope. Nope. Not dealing with this!” Dipper threw his hands up into the air as he walked away.

“You can’t run away from your feelings forever, Dipper!” Mabel yelled.

“Watch me!” Dipper yelled back, going up to the attic. He took off his hat and ran his hands through his hair. He glanced over to his boxing gloves. Grunkle Stan had gotten him into boxing and also set up a punching bag that Dipper uses whenever he was angry or frustrated. He grabbed the gloves and went over to where Stan had set up the punching bag. He put on his boxing gloves and started to punch the bag. After a while of punching, Stan entered the room.

“So, you gonna tell me what got ants in your pants this time?” Stan said.

“I’m just a little…” Dipper took off his gloves. “…frustrated.”

“Anything in particular you’re frustrated at?” Stan inquired.

“A mixture of things.” Dipper ran a hand through his hair. “Mainly a new crush and Mabel teasing me about it.” He admitted.

“Is it that Wirt guy?” Stan stated bluntly.

“Wh- how did you guess that?” Dipper asked.

“It’s pretty obvious kid.” Stan answered. “With you blushing and stuttering and tripping all around the guy, I’m surprised Wirt hasn’t figured it out.”

“Oh no.” Dipper said suddenly. “But what if he has found out? I can’t let him know I have a crush on him! He wouldn’t want me to be friends with him anymore.”

“I’m gonna stop you right there.” Stan interrupted. “Wirt doesn’t know.”

“But-but how are absolutely sure of that?” Dipper fretted.

“Because you two are both completely oblivious.” Stan answered. “Now, come on. Let’s get some food in you.”

“Yeah. Sure.” Dipper smiled, a little satisfied by Stan’s answer. Not completely though. He was going to interrogate Stan later. “I’m going to go get my hat first.” Dipper ran up to the attic to get his hat, all the while thinking about Wirt’s pretty smile and his adorable nose and his cute laugh. Dipper was totally screwed.

Chapter Text

“Tag! You’re it!” Greg yelled as he tagged Wirt.

“I’m gonna get you!” Wirt grinned broadly as he chased after Greg.

“Never!” Greg laughed and tripped over a tree branch. “Ow!”

“Greg!” Wirt shouted when he saw Greg trip. “Are you okay?”

“Yep! I’m good.” Greg said before his stomach rumbled. “I am kind of hungry though.”

“Well, Dipper said we could go to the Mystery Shack for lunch today.”

“Really?” Greg grinned.

“Yeah, really.” Wirt stated.

“Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go!” Greg bounded off.

“Hey, wait up!” Wirt ran after Greg.

“Hey, Wirt.” Greg said once Wirt had caught up with him.

“Yeah, Greg?”

“If you had the choice between becoming a magical tiger or becoming an elephant, what would you chose?”

“Can I chose to stay a human-gnome hybrid?”

“Nope!” Greg popped the p.

“Then, I would chose to be an elephant.” Wirt answered.

“Why not the magical tiger?” Greg questioned.

“I don’t know.” Wirt shrugged. “I guess I would just rather be an elephant.”

“But a magical tiger is magical.” Greg insisted.

“What kind of magic can the tiger do?” Wirt inquired.

“It can fly and shoot laser beams out of its eyes!” Greg exclaimed. “Pew-pew!”

“I don’t know. I’m still leaning towards elephant.”

“You would chose being an elephant over a magical tiger?” Greg cried in disbelief. “But an elephant isn’t magical!”

“No, it’s not, but an elephant never forgets things.” Wirt countered.

“Fair point. But, can an elephant shoot laser beams out of its eyes?” Greg help up his hands to put circles around his eyes.

“No, but an elephant is really big.”

“Is it as big as a magical tiger?”

“Of course.”

“Nope.” Greg disagreed. “A magical tiger is gigantic!” Greg spread out his arms.

“How gigantic?”

“Bigger than the Earth!” Greg jumped up and down.

“How can a tiger even be that big?” Wirt questioned.

“Because it’s magical.” Greg explained. “Now that you know all of the evidence, it is obvious that being a magical tiger is the better choice!”

“Nah. I still would rather be an elephant.” Wirt stated.

“What? No way.” Greg then saw Dipper outside of the Mystery Shack chopping wood. “Dipper! Dipper! I have a very important question for you!”

“Shoot.” Dipper said as he put down the axe he was using to chop wood.

“If you could choose to be a magical tiger or an elephant, which one would you choose?” Greg asked. Dipper thought for a moment before speaking.

“A giraffe.”

“Wha-?” Greg made a face while Wirt chuckled at the odd response. “That wasn’t one of the choices.”

“That’s why nobody expects it.” Dipper reasoned.

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Whoever said you had to make sense?” Dipper stated.

“Hmm.” Greg put a hand on his chin. “Welp! I can’t argue with that logic!” Dipper giggled.

“Hey, Wirt.” Dipper greeted. “Ready for lunch?”

“Sure. What are we having?” Wirt inquired.

“We’ve made sandwiches.” Dipper answered.

“What kind of sandwiches?” Greg asked.

“Turkey, Bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches.” Dipper replied. “So, basically like BL double T sandwiches. Or BLT squared.”

“BLTT?” Wirt offered.

“I feel like if you spelled that out, it would almost look like the word butt.” Dipper pointed out.

“Pff.” Greg laughed. “Butt.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Wirt smiled. “Let’s go get some food in you.”

“Mabel!” Dipper yelled out. “They’re here!”

“Yeah!” Mabel seemed to appear out of thin air wearing a red seater that had what looked like ants stitched on it, as well as a pink headband and a yellow skirt. “I got the food! And I made some Mabel Juice.”

“Please tell me you also brought regular beverages that won’t kill the average human being.” Dipper pleaded.

“Yeah, bro-bro.” Mabel rolled her eyes. “I got some Pitt Cola.”

“Thank god.” Dipper sighed.

“What’s Mabel Juice?” Greg asked.

“Evil.” Dipper answered.

“Really?” Greg questioned. “Wirt, is Mabel Juice really evil?”

“From what I’ve heard of it, yes, Greg. Yes it is.” Wirt said, thinking of when he apparently sold his soul to Dipper.

“Mabel Juice isn’t that bad.” Mabel insisted.

“Yes it is.” Dipper bluntly said.

“Come on. Let’s go do our picnic.” Mabel stated.

“Oh! We’re going to go on a picnic?” Greg exclaimed.

“Yep!” Mabel answered.

“That’s awesome! I’ve never been on a picnic before!” Greg said.

“Come on.” Dipper stated. “Before it becomes like five in the afternoon.”

“That would be ridiculous.” Wirt commented.

“How so?” Dipper asked as the four of them began to leave the shack.

“Because Greg would not let that happen.” Wirt grinned. “He would complain about being hungry for all of those five hours. And I would have to do my shift hungry.”

“Well, we can’t have anyone being hungry!” Mabel exclaimed. “Our picnic spot is over there!” She pointed towards a grassy area that was not exactly far away from the forest, but not exactly close either. It was the distance where you could run away from something that came out of the forest and not get killed, and it was also close enough for one to see anything that came out of the forest.

“Oh! Oh!” Greg put one of his hands up in the air while jumping. “Can I put the picnic blanket down?”

“Of course!” Mabel handed Greg the plaid blanket and watched as Greg attempted to get the blanket to be straight.

“Let’s eat now.” Greg ordered once he had finished putting down the picnic blanket.

“That sounds like a great idea.” Mabel sat down and opened the picnic basket, bringing out four sandwiches, as well as Pitt Cola and Mabel Juice. Greg, Dipper, and Wirt also sat one the blanket.

“One for you.” Mabel handed one of the sandwiches to Greg. “One for you.” She gave Wirt one. “And one for me.” She held a sandwich in her hands and took a bite out of it.

“What? I don’t get a sandwich?” Dipper complained.

“Nope.” Mabel affirmed. “You don’t get one.”

“I can see the forth sandwich, Mabel.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Mabel ‘sneakily’ handed the mentioned sandwich to Wirt.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Dipper turned to face Wirt. “Wirt. I require the sandwich. If you don’t give it to me, I will die of starvation.”

“Well, clearly you need the sandwich more than I do.” Wirt gave the sandwich to Dipper and took a bite of his own sandwich.

“Your generosity will not go un-awarded.” Dipper began to eat his sandwich.

“Oh?” Wirt raised an eyebrow. “What am I being rewarded?”

“I’m still trying to figure that out.” Dipper glanced to the side, his cheeks slightly pink.

“Well, tell me when you do.”

“What do we have for drinks?” Greg suddenly asked, already finished with his sandwich.

“We have Pitt Cola and Mabel Juice.” Mabel answered, finishing up her sandwich and drinking a bit of the Mabel Juice.

“Well, Wirt and Dipper said that Mabel Juice is evil, so I’ll have a Pitt Cola.” Greg took one of the cans of Pitt Cola.

“Good choice.” Dipper said, taking one of the cans for himself and opening it before taking a sip. “And be sure to be careful of the pit.”

“Will do.” Greg stated before chugging down the drink.

“Careful, Greg.” Wirt opened a can of Pitt Cola for himself. “Don’t choke.”

“Don’t worry, Wirt. Careful is my middle name!” Greg reassured.

“Greg, I don’t think you have a middle name.” Wirt said.

“Wrong you are, brother of mine! I do, in fact, have a middle name. And it is Careful.”

“I highly doubt that, even if you did have a middle name, it would not be Careful.” Wirt replied.

“Lies!” Greg declared. “Lies and slander!”

“Hey, what’s that?” Dipper suddenly said, pointing to something that had come out of the forest.

“It looks like,” Mabel squinted at the object. “A bluebird?”

“What? A bluebird?” Wirt stated. That bird came closer before Wirt identified it. “Beatrice?”

“Run! Run!” Beatrice shouted. “Run while you still can!”

“Wha-? What are we running form?” Wirt yelled, standing up and ending up dropping his soda on the ground, luckily landing on the grass and not the blanket. Wirt’s question was answered by a loud rumbling noise.

“To the shack!” Dipper said. Wirt looked over to the forest to see a bunch of leprecorns running towards them. Wirt paled and bolted off towards the Mystery Shack.

“Come on, Greg!” Mabel shouted, picking up the six year old and running towards the shack. All of them were rushing towards the Mystery Shack. Dipper opened the door and made sure everyone had gotten in before going into the shack himself and slamming the door behind him.

“…Hot Belgian waffles.” Dipper stated once his breathing had more or less gotten back to normal. “H-how?” Dipper seemed to be speechless, but Wirt wasn’t.

“Beatrice, what? How? The lep-leprecorns? What? How did you?”

“Calm down, kid.” Beatrice had gone into human form. “Take a deep breath.” Wirt did so as he tried to get his breathing back to normal.

“Beatrice.” Wirt started. “How in the world did you manage to get that many leprecorns that angry at you?”

“Apparently they don’t like it when you spy on them.” Beatrice answered.

“What? Beatrice! Why were you even spying on them in the first place?” Wirt questioned.

“You guys are finally here.” Stan said once he caught sight of them. “Come on. I got work for all of you guys.”

“Oh! Looks like you have a job to do.” Beatrice stated. “You’ll have to tell me about it later. I’ll be sure to take care of Greg.”

“Beatrice! This isn’t over!” Wirt promised as he went over to Stan to figure out what job he was going to do.

“That was awesome! We should do something like that again!” Greg said to Beatrice.

“Maybe.” Beatrice answered as she opened the door to see if there were any Leprecorns left out there. Once she was satisfied, she went out the door, bringing Greg with her. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

“Aww. But I only just got here.” Greg lamented, and the two’s voices slowly went out of hearing range.

“I’m not even going to ask.” Stan commented once Beatrice and Greg had left. “Alright, Dipper, you are on cash register duty. Mabel, go put some things of shelves.” The two went off to their positions. “And you.” Stan pointed to Wirt. “Come with me.”

“A-alright.” Wirt stuttered. He wasn’t going to lie. Stan scared him a little bit, especially since Dipper had gone off to do cash register duty. The two went through a door that had a sign that had ‘Employees only’ written on it.

“So, first things first.” Stan opened a box and got out one of the t-shirts that had a question mark on it. “Here you go. Your honorary Mystery Shack t-shirt!” He handed the t-shirt to Wirt.

“Thank you.” Wirt said, taking the t-shirt. He was a little surprised that the man had given him the t-shirt for free, especially with Dipper saying how greedy his Grunkle was.

“That will be fifty dollars.” Stan said suddenly, holding out his hand as if he was actually expecting to get some money.

“What?” Wirt yelled in disbelief. He then remembered how Dipper said not to let Stan have any of his safias. “I mean, I don’t actually have fifty dollars on me, but I have this.” He took out a red safia and put it in Stan’s hand.

“Wow. I didn’t actually thing that would work.” Stan admitted.

“Then why did you even say anything?” Wirt asked without thinking. Stan laughed.

“Because it was worth a shot.” Stan help up the safia to his eye. “Wow. I could sell this for a lot.” He pocketed the gemstone.

“How about you do some repair work around the shack?” Stan suggested. Wendy entered the room. “Oh! Wendy! Just the person I wanted to see! Do some repair work with Wirt.” Stan paused. “On second thought, you go on cash register duty. Dipper will help Wirt with repairs. You okay with that, kid?”

“Y-yeah.” Wirt answered, relieved that he would be working with someone he knew fairly well.

“Right on.” Wendy said and left the room.

“Hey, Dipper. Stan wants you to do some repair work with the new kid.” Wendy pointed her thumb to the ‘Employees only’ door.

“Alright!” Dipper exclaimed, maybe a little too excitedly as he stood up.

“A little excited to do repair work with Wirt, aren’t you?” Wendy teased. Dipper blushed.

“…Don’t tell anyone?” He smiled hopefully.

“I got ya.” Wendy zipped her lips.

“Thanks, Wendy.”

“No problem, dude.” Wendy sat down at the cash register as Dipper went into the Employees only room, which was really just the living room.

“Finally. You’re here.” Stan said once Dipper had entered the room. “You two are just going to be doing general repair work, so just repair things around the shack.”

“Alright, Grunkle Stan.” Dipper stated.

“I’m going to go do tours. So, see you later or something.” Stan left the room.

“Do you want to skip work to go do something more interesting?” Dipper asked.

“Dipper!” Wirt exclaimed.

“I’m joking.” Dipper laughed. “Come on. There is always something to fix in the Mystery Shack.”

“Is that just because the shack is old and falling apart?” Wirt inquired.

“No. Well, yes, it is old and falling apart, but that isn’t the main reason a lot of it is broken in some way. Most of the time it is because something or someone destroyed part of the Mystery Shack.” Dipper explained.

“How often does that happen?” Wirt asked as the two looked for something to fix.

“Once or twice a week.” Dipper answered. “Yeesh. We should probably fix up that hole.” He pointed towards a medium sized hole in the wall. “Actually, I don’t think we remembered to get any tools.”

“Wait. What do you mean the Mystery Shack gets destroyed one or two times a week?” Wirt exclaimed. “Should I be concerned?”

“Nah.” Dipper paused. “Well, maybe a little. But it is fine, usually.”

“Usually?” Wirt questioned. “What if any of us got hurt?”

“I got the tools.” Dipper said, ignoring Wirt’s question. “And also some wood.” He held up some tools and a plank of wood. “By the way, what was up with the leprecorns and Beatrice?”

“Well, uh,” Wirt started, mentally chastising himself for asking a personal question. Of course Dipper wouldn’t want to answer the question. No one wanted to think about the people they care about getting hurt. “I don’t actually know. All I do know is that she was spying on them.”

“Why would she be spying on the leprecorns?” Dipper asked, beginning to nail the wood onto the wall to cover up the hole.

“I don’t even know. It doesn’t make any sense.” Wirt briefly took off his hat to run a hand though his hair. “Shapeshifters don’t have any problems with the leprecorns, unlike the gnomes.” Dipper looked surprised.

“What kind of problems do the gnomes have with the leprecorns?”

“The gnomes and the leprecorns kind of just barely tolerate each other.” Wirt answered.

“Hmm.” Dipper hummed as he finished nailing the piece of wood. “Do you want to try and get the S on the Mystery Shack sign to stay on?”

“Why not?” Wirt shrugged, following Dipper to a ladder. Dipper began to climb the ladder and Wirt followed him.

“Alright. First we need to get the S up here.” Dipper said.

“How?” Wirt asked. Those letters were, like, twice his size and probably really difficult to carry.

“We might be able to carry it up here.” Dipper suggested.

“I don’t think that would be physically possible.” Wirt stated. “How did the S fall off in the first place, anyways?”

“It just keeps falling off no matter what we do.” Dipper answered. “It’s like some magical force is like, nope. It is not the Mystery Shack. It is the Mystery Hack.” He said the last part in a funny voice, causing Wirt to giggle.

“Yeah. Just some external force that makes it so the S never stays on.” Wirt paused. “You know, why don’t you guys just paint an S on there?” Dipper did a face palm.

“How come none of us ever thought of that?” Wirt just shrugged in response.

“Come on.” Dipper exclaimed. “We require red paint and paint bushes.” Wirt quickly followed after Dipper.

“Mabel!” Dipper yelled.

“What’s up, Dipper?” Mabel glanced over at Wirt and Dipper. “Need something?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“Mabel, no.” Dipper’s face went red, while Wirt’s face was dusted slightly pink. “We are just going to paint the S on the Mystery Shack’s sign.”

“So you guys need paint and paint brushes.” Mabel said.

“Yes, we do.” Dipper responded.

“Give me a moment.” Mabel whooshed out of the room and came back with a bucket of red paint along with two paint brushes. She handed Dipper the items before turning to Wirt. “Also, Wirt. You should totally put on that t-shirt.” She winked.

“A-any reason why?” Wirt stuttered, his cheeks a bit red.

“Because it’s hot out, silly!” Mabel said, though Wirt had a sinking feeling it was something else.

“I, uh, think I’ll be good.” Wirt answered.

“Suit yourself. Stay safe!” Mabel exclaimed.

“M-mabel!”Dipper yelled, his face red.

“Go paint the roof!” Mabel yelled back, grinning broadly.

“Fine.” Dipper handed one of the paint brushes to Wirt and the two went up to the roof.

“Alright.” Dipper placed down the paint bucket and opened it. “Let’s get started.”

“Right.” Wirt dipped his paint brush into the paint. “Shouldn’t we, I don’t know, outline the shape or something?”

“Nah.” Dipper began painting the S. “We’ll just wing it.”

“Okay.” Wirt began painting the S with Dipper.

“Hey, Wirt.” Dipper stated.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think you ever told me how, you know, gnomes, uh, do the thing.” Dipper’s face was tinted pink.

“Well, I, um, uh, they, uh.” Wirt blushed bright red. “I’m pr-pretty sure they just, they do it, well, the same way humans do?”

“Pretty sure?” Dipper raised an eyebrow.

“Hey. The only thing I know about the way humans do it is from Gravity Falls’ sex education.” Wirt defended. “And I am seriously doubtful about how accurate the stuff they teach in there is.”

“Fair enough.” Dipper dipped his paint brush into the bucket. “You go to the Gravity Falls School?”

“Well, yeah.” Wirt answered, dipping his paint brush into the paint bucket as well. “My mom wanted me to get an education, so I started going to Gravity Falls Schools.”

“That must be fun.” Dipper chuckled.

“Well, it is better than doing nothing. It is not like I have much to do anyways, and it is kind of fun to learn new things.” Wirt replied.

“Yeah, but learning things is probably the only good thing about school.” Dipper paused. “Anyway, what grade are you going into?”

“I am going to be in tenth grade.” Wirt answered. “Greg is going to second grade. What about you? What grade are you going to be in?”

“Mabel and I are also going into tenth grade.” Dipper responded. “We are both kind of excited and mostly terrified."

“Growing up is always scary.” Wirt said. “That actually reminds me of a quote.”

“Oh?” Dipper dipped his paint brush into the paint bucket. “What is it?”

“’And while the future is fast coming for you, it always flinches first, and settles in as the gentle present.’” Wirt quoted.

“That’s a nice quote.” Dipper smiled. “Where’s it from?”

“Well, uh.” Wirt blushed a little at seeing Dipper smile. He was really cute. “It is from these cassettes that I found lying around at one point. I don’t know where they came from, but every now and then I’ll find another one.”

“What’s on the cassettes?” Dipper asked.

“It’s mostly this guy who is a radio show host that talks about this weird town called Night Vale.” Wirt answered, dipping his paint brush into the paint bucket.

“What’s the guy’s name?” Dipper inquired.

“His name is Cecil Palmer.”

“What is he like?”

“He is quirky, talks about the weird things that happen in Night Vale, and has a horrible sense of fashion.” Wirt responded. Dipper laughed.

“He sounds like the kind of person I would want to be friends with.” Dipper stated.

“Ha, yeah.” Wirt blushed. Wow, Dipper’s laugh was really nice. “We could, maybe, listen to the tapes together at some point.”

“That sounds great!” Dipper exclaimed, his face pink. “Also, it looks like we finished the S.” Wirt looked at the slightly lopsided S the two had painted. He giggled.

“I told you we should have made an outline.” Wirt commented.

“Psh. This was much more fun.” Dipper grinned, and Wirt felt a warm feeling in his chest.

“If you say so.” Wirt rolled his eyes, smiling. Dipper picked up the paint bucket.

“And now we escape!” Dipper declared.

“Where would we even escape to?” Wirt questioned.

“The woods, of course!” Dipper exclaimed.

“It looks like it might rain though.” Wirt glanced at the sky, which was covered in gray clouds.

“To the inside of the shack then!” Dipper said, going down the ladder. Wirt followed him inside the shack, careful not to accidentally get paint on anything.

“Hey, Wirt”

“Yeah, Dipper?”

“I just realized something.”

“What is that something that you realized?” Wirt inquired.

“The rain is going to wash away the paint, leaving the sign to say Mystery Hack once again.” Dipper laughed and Wirt did too.

“Clearly there is some magical force causing this.” Wirt stated.

“Yes. Clearly there needs to be an investigation. We must try all manner of methods to see if the S will stay on there. Glue, paint, tape, nails, and a bunch of other things.” Dipper declared.

“Don’t forget to do more than one trial. If the S fails to stay on every single time, then we know there is something causing it.” Wirt added.

“And then we will need to investigate to see what the force is.” Dipper paused before crumbling into laughter. Wirt started laughing as well.

“No, but seriously.” Dipper stated once he finished laughing. “It is super weird that the S will never stay on there, but I can’t think of anything that would have the motivation and power to do something like that.”

“Guys!” Mabel interrupted. “It started raining, and you all know what that means!”

“Uh, there won’t be any customers, and we will all be super board?” Wirt offered.

“Nope! It means we have to play a game!” Mabel exclaimed.

“What are we playing?” Dipper asked.

“Hmm.” Mabel thought for a moment. “Let’s play twenty questions!”

“Fine. Is it bigger than a breadbox?” Dipper inquired.

“Yup!”

“Is it a food item?” Wirt questioned.

“Nope.”

“Is it flying through space?” Dipper asked.

“It is.”

“Is it a comet?” Wirt said.

“It is not.” Mabel answered.

“Is it an animal of some sort?” Dipper stated.

“Of course!”

“Is it a fluffy animal?” Wirt inquired.

“Yes.”

“Is the animal eating anything?” Dipper questioned.

“Nope.”

“Is the animal giant?”

“Yep!” Mabel replied.

“Is the animal a dog?”

“No.”

“A tiger?”

“Nope. You guys have ten questions left.” Mabel reminded them.

“Hmm.” Dipper thought. “Is the animal a cat?”

“It is.”

“Is the animal a magical cat?” Wirt asked, remembering how Greg was talking about magical tigers earlier in the day.

“Yep!”

“Is it a giant magical cat flying though space?” Dipper asked.

“Nope.” Mabel responded.

“Is it a giant magical cat flying through space while shooting rainbows out of its butt?” Wirt guessed.

“Ita vero!” Mabel exclaimed. “Yes! You got it right. How did you guess?”

“I have a little brother.” Wirt answered simply. “And ita vero?”

“Oh! Yeah, uh.” Dipper started. “Mabel and I both take Latin during the school year, and ita vero means yes.”

“Well, I knew that ita vero meant yes because I speak Latin. I was just surprised that you guys knew.” Wirt explained.

“You speak Latin?” Dipper questioned.

“Yeah. I am the Gnome Prince after all, and Latin is a pretty common language among the Gravity Falls community.”

“So is Spanish and backwards English, though.” Dipper pointed out.

“That’s why I had to learn those languages as well.” Wirt said.

“That means you are, like, quadlingual!” Mabel commented.

“I guess so.” Wirt giggled. “But it is kind of funny because you have all these funny names for all the major parties. Like Ecnad Ekalfwons, Flor Fiesta, Fall Ball, and Silva Salto.”

“Silva Salto?” Dipper said. “So like, literally Forest Dance. Except that salto is a verb. So, I dance in the forest? Except there is no in. I dance forest? That doesn’t make any sense. Who came up with the name for that?”

“Don’t ask me.” Wirt shrugged.

“Okay, but Fall Ball is hilarious, you do have to admit.” Mabel laughed. “Mainly because of how all the others start with the same letters and the fact that fall and ball rhyme.”

“Alright, but Ecnad Ekalfwons is a huge mouthful.” Dipper stated. “I’m not even sure if I am pronouncing that correctly.”

“I think your pronunciation was just fine.” Wirt commented.

“I think the only one that isn’t completely ridiculous is Flor Fiesta.” Mabel added.

“I disagree. Flor Fiesta translates to Flower Party, so it’s still pretty ridiculous.” Wirt corrected.

“Hey dudes.” Wendy went over to where the trio was. “What are you guys laughing about?”

“Ridiculous names of parties.” Mabel said.

“We were about to vote on which name was the funniest.” Dipper stated.

“Sounds fun. What are the names?” Wendy asked.

“Flor Fiesta, Silva Salto, Fall Ball, and Ecand Ekalfwons.” Wirt answered.

“I can understand why the last two are funny, but what about the first two?” Wendy inquired.

“Because Flor Fiesta translates to Flower Party, and Silva Salto vaguely translates to Forest Dance.” Wirt replied.

“I am going to have to go with Ecand Ekalfwons because that sounds the most ridiculous.” Wendy decided.

“Okay, but you do have to admit, Fall Ball is hilarious.” Mabel voted.

“True enough.” Wendy agreed.

“I still think Flor Fiesta is the weirdest.” Wirt said.

“Alright, but Silva Salto has the weirdest translation.” Dipper stated. “It barely has anything to do with summer in the name.”

“Well, it is the most major party we have.” Wirt explained.

“So it is just a big party for everyone in the forest?” Mabel questioned. “That sounds really fun!”

“Not really.” Wirt laughed. “It is actually extremely boring. Silva Salto is just one big formal event. The Fall Ball is probably the most fun out of all of the parties. The name is misleading because it is actually nothing like a ball.”

“So, tell us about all these different parties.” Wendy said. “What is different about all of them?”

“Yeah!” Mabel agreed. “I want to know about all of them.”

“It would be interesting to hear about.” Dipper said.

“Well, if you guys insist.” Wirt stated. “I guess I’ll start with the Fall Ball. It is a festival kind of thing with a feast and cooking contests and pumpkin carving. It has a bunch of other contests as well, like painting contests and weaving contests. There is also a bunch of different categories for the cooking contests, like pies, cakes, and other foods. It is just generally a fun festival that has something for everyone.”

“What is your favorite part of it?” Dipper inquired.

“Oh, uh, my favorite part?” Wirt blushed. “I don’t really know, but I guess I just like it because everyone comes together to have fun, and it also doesn’t feel like some sort of obligation that I have to fulfil.” Wirt glanced away and rubbed at his neck. “Sorry if that was, like, super cheesy or something.”

“Nonsense!” Mabel declared. “You were honest and no one can call that silly.”

“Thanks, I guess.” Wirt said awkwardly.

“The truth should always be told, no matter how silly it may seem.” Mabel was looking at Dipper as she said this.

“Is there a story behind this?” Wirt asked.

“There is, but it is not as funny as the story where we learn that sometimes it is okay to tell a lie.” Mabel shuddered. “Never again.” She shook her head. “Anyway. Let’s hear about another party. How about… Flor Fiesta?”

“Alright, so.” Wirt started, curious about Mabel’s story, but decided it could probably wait until later. “Flor Fiesta is basically a flower party. There are flowers everywhere and everyone wears a flower crown, and it is generally pretty enjoyable. It is Greg’s favorite party, though I think that is just because he likes making flower crowns.”

“Nothing wrong with that.” Mabel commented. “Is there anything else that happens during Flor Fiesta?”

“Not really.” Wirt responded. “It is a pretty casual event that just kind of lasts the whole day. Sometimes a week. It depends.”

“What does it depend on?” Dipper asked.

“Temperature, mainly.” Wirt answered. “But it also depends on how many flowers are around. It would be kind of difficult to celebrate if there were not any flowers.”

“True enough.” Dipper laughed and Wirt could fell that warm feeling once again bubbling up.

“Okay, but Ecnad Ekalfwons. What is the deal with that?” Wendy inquired.

“Well, first off.” Wirt began. “Ecnad Ekalfwons is just Snowflake Dance backwards. It is usually celebrated by building a bonfire at night and telling stories around it. Mostly stories about the stars. There is also a dance around the bonfire. The dance is always performed by professional dancers and there is also music and stuff. There is also warm food and drink. Not necessarily a feast, but close enough.”

“You should tell us one of those stories about the stars sometime.” Wendy suggested.

“What? No. I couldn’t.” Wirt’s cheeks were pink. “I’m, I’m not a story teller. I probably wouldn’t be able to do the stories justice.”

“That’s crazy talk, dude.” Wendy said. “I bet you could tell the stories better than anyone.”

“Nope.” Wirt disagreed. “Most people are much better at story telling than I am.”

“I’m sure you are better than you think you are.” Dipper reassured Wirt. “Besides, you don’t have to tell us any stories right now. You still have to tell us about Silva Salto.”

“Yeah!” Mabel agreed.

“Alright, Silva Salto.” Wirt stated. “Probably my least favorite out of all the parties, despite the fact that it is supposed to be the most important party. It is only considered to be the most important one because it is the party where all of the royals and nobles chat and talk about politics and possible alliances. And yeah, it has fancy food and drinks and an orchestra, but it is still so boring. Only the royals and nobles go there because no one else really wants to go. The only reason I go is because I have to.” Wirt suddenly realized that he was kind of rambling and blushed. “Sorry for the long rant thing.”

“No, no. It’s fine.” Dipper said. “Like Mabel said, it is important to be honest.”

“Oh yeah! Wirt. There is something I have been meaning to ask.” Mabel stated.

“What is it?”

“I need to know you and Greg’s favorite color.”

“Uh, well, I don’t really know what Greg’s favorite color is. You’ll have to ask him yourself. It’s probably green or rainbow or something like that. As for my favorite color.” Wirt thought for a moment. What was his favorite color? Green and blue were nice colors, but Wirt didn’t think they were his favorite. He glanced over to Dipper and saw his beautiful chocolate brown eyes. “My favorite color is brown.” Yep. Definitely brown.

“Awesome! My favorite color is rainbow!” Mabel exclaimed.

“What are Dipper and Wendy’s favorite colors?” Wirt asked.

“Oh, um, I don’t really have a favorite color.” Dipper answered. “Blue, maybe?”

“Flannel.” Wendy responded.

“I don’t think.” Wirt began to say something about how he didn’t think that flannel was actually a color, but stopped. “Never mind.”

“We should do one more round of twenty questions!” Mabel suggested. “Wirt will go, since he guessed mine last time.”

“Oh, alright.” Wirt thought for a moment. How about a book. “Go ahead.”

“It is bigger than the question mark keychains?” Wendy asked.

“Yep.” Wirt said. A book was most definitely larger than one of those keychains.

“Is it an animal?” Mabel exclaimed.

“No.”

“Aww.” Mabel pouted. “It’s not an animal.”

“Is it alive?” Dipper laughed.

“It is not.” Wirt grinned. A book is not alive, unless there is some sort of book creature that he did not know about.

“Is it an article of clothing?” Wendy inquired.

“Nope.”

“Is it one of the Stan bobble heads?” Mabel yelled.

“No.” Wirt giggled. It would be funny if it was one of the Stan bobble heads, though.

“Is it all of the Stan bobble heads?” Mabel specified.

“Nope.”

“Can you eat it?” Wendy asked.

“I don’t think that would be possible.” Wirt answered.

“Besides, if you are eating it, it had to be alive at some point.” Dipper pointed out.

“Things that are already dead totally don’t count.” Wendy argued.

“That is totally fair game.” Mabel declared, silencing Dipper, who looked like he was about to start a full on debate. “Is it art?”

“I guess?” Wirt stated. Writing was an art, right? So a book was technically art.

“Is it a painting?” Dipper inquired.

“Nope.”

“What about a sculpture?” Mabel questioned.

“No.”

“A drawing?” Mabel guessed.

“Nope.”

“Does it use paper?” Wendy asked.

“It does.”

“Oh my god. He said yes to something. We must be getting close.” Wendy declared.

“It’s papier mache!” Mabel proclaimed.

“It is not papier mache.” Wirt said.

“Gosh darn it.” Mabel cursed. “How many questions do we have left?”

“Seven.” Wirt answered. “And I won’t count that as a question because I’m nice like that.”

“So nice.” Dipper said. “Can you read it?”

“Yep.”

“Is it a newspaper?” Wendy asked.

“No.” Wirt replied.

“Is it a book?” Dipper guessed.

“Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!” Wirt said in a silly voice before laughing.

“Guessing a book was more difficult than guessing magical giant cat flying through space and shooting rainbows out of its butt.” Dipper stated. “I guess it just shows that sometimes the predictable is unpredictable.”

“Pff. Of course a nerd like you would guess a book.” Mabel then pointed to Wirt. “And of course a nerd like you would have the answer be a book.”

“What can I say? I love getting lost in the wonders of books.” Wirt sealed his lips after that, afraid that he was going to start saying poetry.

“What are you four doing on the floor?” Stan said to the four of them, who had ended up sitting on the floor instead of finding a better place to sit down. Wirt immediately sprung up and brushed himself off.

“Well, uh, um, you see, uh, we.” Wirt quickly sputtered out, unable to get his words to form a proper sentence.

“We were too lazy to find a proper place to sit!” Mabel yelled.

“Fair enough.” Stan stated. “But it did stop raining outside, so back to your positions!”

“But Grunkle Stan!” Mabel whined. “Our shifts are over.” Stan looked at his wristwatch.

“So they are.” He glared skeptically. “So they are.” Wirt was sweating slightly and was feeling very intimidated by Stan.

“…So are we free to go?” Wendy asked. Stan squinted at the four of them for a few moments before answering.

“Fine. But if any tourists come, I’m going to put you back to work.” Stan pointed accusingly at each of them before walking away. Wirt made a sigh of relief.

“Whatca’ sighing about?” Wendy inquired.

“Mabel and Dipper’s Grunkle scares me.” Wirt replied.

“Aw. Stan’s just a big old softy!” Mabel declared.

“That doesn’t really help.” Wirt said.

“He seems really mean when you first meet him, but, when you actually get to know him, Grunkle Stan is a nice guy.” Dipper explained.

“Fight! Fight! Fight!” Wirt suddenly heard Stan yell.

“I’m not sure if I’m prepared for that.” Wirt stated.

“You’ll warm up to him eventually.” Mabel insisted.

“Eventually.” Wirt said. He was still a bit doubtful about Stan being anything other than intimidating and greedy, but, if the twins say that Stan had more under the surface, then he guessed he could trust them.

“There we go.” Mabel exclaimed. “Always be positive!”

“Ignore her. She’s crazy.” Dipper proclaimed.

“Shut up!” Mabel pushed Dipper playfully.

“You shut up!” Dipper pushed Mabel back and they started laughing. Wirt found himself laughing along with the twins.

“Hey, dudes. As much fun as it has been hanging out with you guys, I gotta skedaddle.” Wendy said. “Got places to go and things to vandalize.”

“See you later, Wendy!” Mabel and Dipper said in unison.

“Bye.” Wirt waved.

“See you later, dudes.” Wendy left the Mystery Shack.

“I should probably go home soon as well if I want to get to dinner on time.” Wirt said once he realized what time it was.

“I guess so.” Dipper stated, seeming a bit sad.

“I’ll be back tomorrow.” Wirt smiled slightly.

“See ya.” Dipper smiled back, and Wirt could feel butterflies. Oh no. No. Nope. This was not happening.

“Y-yeah. Right. Bye! See you tomorrow!” Wirt said quickly before fleeing the Mystery Shack. He was blushing up to the tips of his ears.

“Nope. Nope. Nah. No. Nope. Not happening.” Wirt repeated to himself once he had left the shack and gotten to the forest.

“I do not, I repeat, I do not have a crush on Dipper Pines.”

Chapter Text

“Okay, so maybe I do have a crush on Dipper.” Wirt looked at the sheet of paper that he was holding.

“Argh! Who am I kidding?” Wirt ran a hand through his hair. “I’m head over heels. Oh, how the mighty have fallen, washed away and trapped by the bindings of love; we fall so often and so far, and yet we call it great. So great, in fact, that it becomes inspiration for music and poetry alike, saying how the blossoms of love are more meaningful than most anything.” He sighed as he looked at the poem he had written about Dipper.

“Your eyes are the bark of a tree, dark and beautiful
Your hair is the branches,
Your smile is the birds,
You laughter, their songs,
A lovely symphony of one.”

He pulled at his hair. “How could I have fallen this fast? He would never like me back. How love is cruel and traps people in its tendrils with no one to share its harsh embrace; it slowly crushes you, defeats you, and leaves you craving more. Oh, how it changes people and makes them livid; it prepares to strike at any moment.”

“Wirt!” Greg barged into Wirt’s room, yelling excitedly before realizing something was up with Wirt. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Greg, I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, if you’re sure.” Greg looked at him skeptically.

“But I think I might have a crush on Dipper.” Wirt admitted, speaking quickly.

“That’s great! Now you know who to take to Silva Salto!” Greg declared.

“No, not great!” Wirt disagreed. “I would never have a chance with him!”

“That’s crazy talk!” Greg insisted. “You’re the Gnome Prince! Of course you have a chance with him!”

“No, I don’t. I mean, have you even met him? He’s smart and pretty and nice and a bunch of other things! And I’m just a huge nerd. He would never like me back.”

“Wirt. I am going to tell you something very important.” Greg put his hands on his hips and maintained eye contact with Wirt. “That’s a whole bunch of baloney. Dipper would totally like you back. You’re smart and pretty and nice too! You’re an awesome big brother, and you take care of mom’s grave, and you make sure to be friends with all of the gnomes. So, you are just saying crazy and impossible things because you are awesome.”

“I don’t know, Greg.” Wirt played with the sleeve of his shirt. “I’m not that great of a guy. I’m clumsy, and I trip a lot, and I mess-up all the time, and-”

“Wirt.” Greg interrupted. “I can’t believe you are denying how awesome you are! You are clearly blind because you can’t see how amazing you are!”

“Do you really think so?” Wirt asked. He wanted to believe Greg, but he knew it wasn’t true.

“I know so. You are the best brother ever!” Greg proclaimed. “Even if you trip a bunch and make mistakes, but everyone does those things.”

“If you say so.” Wirt was still doubtful.

“Now, come one! There’s supposed to be a party at the Mystery Shack tonight!”

“What? A party? How do you know that?” Wirt questioned, going to grab his hat and cloak and putting them on.

“I heard that the Mystery Shack hosts a party every year.” Greg explained. “Now onwards! To the Mystery Shack!”

“Are you sure the party is right now?” Wirt inquired.

“Nope!” Greg answered. “But you’re going to work anyways, so I’m going to go with you and find out.”

“Fine.” Wirt sighed, beginning to lead the way to the Mystery Shack.

“Yeah!” Greg exclaimed. “And you should totally ask Dipper to dance with you!”

“Oh, no. I couldn’t do that.” Wirt blushed. “I don’t dance.”

“Yes, you do. I’ve seen you dance.”

“Okay, fine. Maybe I do dance, but I don’t dance well.”

“I beg to differ.” Greg stated. “You dance great.”

“Nope.” Wirt denied. “I can’t dance at all.”

“If you say so.” Greg relented. “I still think you should ask Dipper to dance.”

“Maybe.” Wirt said, if only to satisfy Greg.

“Yeah!” Greg cheered. “And asking him to dance is the first step to courting him, right?”

“We’re not talking about this!” Wirt quickly walked ahead of Greg, his cheeks pink, before seeing Mabel, who was wearing a large red ribbon tied in a bow on her head and a skirt that matched, as well as a purple sweater had the words ‘Party Hard’ on it in glitter. She also happened to be wearing star shaped earring and green leg-warmers. “Oh, hey, Mabel.”

“Hey, Wirt!” Mabel greeted. “Hello, Greg!”

“Hello, Mabel! I heard there was to be a party today!”

“There sure is! Though it’s not until later.” Mabel said. “Would you like to help set up?”

“Ohh! Can I put up some streamers?” Greg asked.

“Of course!” Mabel turned towards Wirt. “Come on. We were just about to get started.”

“Right.” Wirt was still wondering how Greg learned about the party before he did. He works at the shack, and he didn’t even know until today.

“Onwards! To glory!” Greg yelled, going off into the shack, leaving Mabel and Wirt to run after him.

“Onwards! To glory!” Mabel copied as she ran after Greg. Wirt just smiled a little as he followed them.

“Come on, you lazy bums!” Stan yelled. “We don’t have all day!” After hearing Stan yell, Wirt quickly ran towards where he had heard Stan.

“Hey, kid.” Stan said once he saw Wirt. “Can you play an instrument?” Wirt was taken aback by the random question.

“Wh-what?” Wirt stuttered.

“Are you able to play an instrument?” Stan repeated.

“Well, I, uh, can play the clarinet.” Wirt answered, mentally cringing at his voice cracking.

“Great! How do you feel about playing with a bass and a sousaphone?” Stan asked.

“A bass and a sousaphone?” Wirt questioned. That was kind of an odd combination.

“Yeah. Mabel plays the bass, and Dipper plays the sousaphone, and they wanted to know if you would be able to play with them.” Stan replied.

“What? Play? I wouldn’t be able to play!” Wirt exclaimed. “I would have to practice, and know what music I’ll be playing, and I don’t even have my clarinet with me!”

“Well, then go get your clarinet. Your place can’t be that far away, right?” Stan stated, and Wirt sighed in defeat.

“Fine. I’ll go get my instrument.” Wirt said. He then realized Dipper was there. Man, did he get prettier? He noticed Dipper was walking towards him.

“Hey, Wirt.” Dipper greeted. Wirt had a feeling he was going to completely embarrass himself.

“Oh. Um, uh, h-hi, Dipper.” Wirt stuttered, flushing slightly.

“Did Grunkle Stan try to get you to play with Mabel and me?” Dipper asked. “You know, you don’t, uh, have to play if you don’t want to.”

“No, no.” Wirt waved his hand. “It’s fine. It might be fun. I just have to get my instrument first.”

“What do you play, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I play the clarinet.” Wirt answered.

“A sousaphone, a bass, and a clarinet.” Dipper giggled. “That sounds like a party.”

“Yeah, I should probably get my instrument.” Wirt said.

“How far away is your place anyway?” Dipper inquired.

“It’s about ten minutes away.” Wirt replied. “So, I’ll be back in about twenty minutes.”

“Dipper! I need you to copy these flyers!” Stan yelled, waving a piece of paper around.

“Coming, Grunkle Stan!” Dipper shouted back before turning to Wirt. “So, see you in twenty minutes."

“Yeah. See yea.” Wirt grinned before leaving Dipper with Stan.

“You gonna tell him anytime soon?” Stan asked Dipper once Wirt had left.

“NO!” Dipper immediately responded. “…Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Alright, then.” Stan handed to party flyer to Dipper. “Go copy these.” Dipper nodded and went to the copier. He copied a few flyers.

“How come this thing hasn’t been destroyed yet?” Dipper muttered, thinking about how the machine could copy human beings. And how he copied himself when trying to make a plan to dance with Wendy.

“That is not going to happen again!” Dipper declared to the empty room. “I’ll just ask him to dance like a normal person. No crazy plans this time.” He briefly went over anything that could go wrong. Stan could get in the way. What about the music? What if he couldn’t think about what to say? What if he messes up somehow? “Okay. Maybe a little plan.” That was when Wirt walked into the room.

“Oh, uh, hey.” Wirt said. “Mabel said you might need some help copying the flyers?”

“Well, I, um, I.” Dipper stuttered. Wirt wasn’t wearing his cloak or his hat. Wow. His hair was just really nice. And it fell in his face slightly, and it was really messy, and no one should look that pretty. “Uh, I already f-finished copying the, um, flyers.” Dipper brought up the papers to show Wirt.

“Alright.” Wirt scratched the back of his head before shoving his hand into his pocket. “I got my clarinet.” Wirt showed the case he was holding to Dipper. “Do you want to go practice or something?”

“Sure. But I probably need to put these flyers around town first.” Dipper tried to avoid looking at Wirt and his pretty hair. “By the way, where’s your hat and cloak?”

“Oh, um.” Wirt blushed. “Mabel kind of stole them and won’t give them back.”

“I wonder why she would do that.” Dipper giggled. God damn it, Mabel. “I should probably get these flyers up.”

“And I should probably tune and warm up.” Wirt stated.

“I’ll be quick.” Dipper said as he left the room.

“See ya.” Wirt whispered once Dipper left. He felt the piece of paper in his pocket and wondered what possessed him to take the love poem with him. Maybe there was a brief second where he thought he might actually have a chance with Dipper.

“Argh!” He face-palmed. “I’m so stupid.” He sighed and ended up putting a hand on the copy machine. It scanned his hand and started printing something. Wirt glanced over and saw that it was printing a picture of his hand. “I hope Stan doesn’t get mad at me for wasting paper.” The paper started to shake, and Wirt froze. The hand then suddenly came to life, and Wirt screamed.

“Mabel is here to save the day!” Mabel slammed the door open. “What seems to be the problem?”

Wirt didn’t say anything and shakily pointed towards the hand that was crawling toward them.

“One second.” Mabel left the room and quickly came back with a cup of water. She then poured the water over the hand. Wirt watched in horror as the hand melted.

“W-what was that?” Wirt asked.

“The copy machine can copy human beings.” Mabel answered. “Though, it is pretty harmless because you can just throw water on them, and they’ll melt.

“Why has no one destroyed it?” Wirt questioned.

“It’s fine as long as you don’t put any body parts on it.” Mabel said. “Now come on! Don’t you want to practice?”

“Y-yeah. Sure.” Wirt complied. He was still worried about the copy machine. Maybe he would ‘accidentally’ pour some water on it. No, no. Bad idea. Horrible idea. That would be vandalism.

“We didn’t originally do a concert thing for the party.” Mabel admitted. “But once Grunkle Stan found out that both Dipper and I could play an instrument, he thought it would be a good business opportunity.”

“I guess that makes sense.” Wirt said as Mabel lead him to a stage area. Soos was standing there and pressing keys on the keyboard.

“Hey, Soos!” Mabel greeted. Soos pressed the last key, producing a lightning noise.

“Gotta remember that.” Soos stated before waving at Mabel and Wirt. “Sup’ dudes. How’s it going?”

“It’s going great!” Mabel responded. “Wirt is going to be joining Dipper and I for the concert thing.”

“Oh! What instrument do you play?” Soos asked Wirt.

“The clarinet.” Wirt answered, opening his case and preparing to tune the instrument.

“Stan lets me DJ.” Soos held up a book that said ‘How to DJ R-r-right’ on the cover and started flipping through it.

“Cool.” Wirt stated, unsure of how else to respond. He noticed that a bass and a sousaphone were already up on the stage.

“Are those you and Dipper’s instruments?” Wirt asked Mabel.

“Yep!” Mabel responded. “Tuned and everything.” Wirt nodded before playing a not on his clarinet. “I think it’s a little sharp.”

“It always is.” Wirt sighed. He tuned his instrument and began to warm up with Mabel. “What are we going to be playing anyways?”

“Whatever.” Mabel shrugged. “Dipper and I typically just make it up as we go.”

“What?” Wirt yelled in surprise. “You guys just wing it?”

“Yeah.” Mabel played a few notes that vaguely resembled a tune of some sort. “It’s more fun that way.

“Oh my god.” Wirt put a hand through his hair.

“H-hey, Wirt.” Dipper greeted once he had gotten on the stage.

“H-hi, Dipper.” Wirt responded. “Do you guys really just make up a song to play for this thing?”

“Typically.” Dipper answered. “But we can, uh, find a piece to play if you’re not comfortable with improvising.”

“It’s fine.” Wirt quickly said. “You don’t have to go through all that trouble for me.”

“It really wouldn’t be a trouble at all.” Dipper insisted.

“Dipper!” Stan yelled.

“Coming!” Dipper screamed back before facing Wirt. “If you’re sure.” He then went over to Stan.

Wirt sighed and played a short little song.

“Don’t worry.” Mabel stated. “It won’t really matter if any of us mess up. It’s mostly for fun.”

“Thanks, Mabel.” Wirt smiled. He still felt a bit anxious, but he was feeling at least a little better. “When do we play?”

“We play before Pacifica and I compete for the party crown.” Mabel answered.

“The party crown?” Wirt questioned.

“Yeah! The party crown!”

“What exactly is it?” Wirt asked.

“It’s the crown that is given to the person who parties the hardest!” Mabel exclaimed.

“That’s fun?” Wirt was just thinking about how tiring it would be to win that crown.

“It is! And people vote on who won at the end of the night.”

“Hey, Wirt.” Stan yelled. “Do you mind manning the ticket stand for the rest of the night with Dipper after you guys play?”

“I can do that.” Wirt said almost automatically.

“Thanks.” Stan walked away before Wirt actually processed what he agreed to.

“Wait. Did I just agree to stay with Dipper at the ticket stand all night? With Dipper?” Wirt hoped to god he wouldn’t mess up anything.

“You said with Dipper twice.” Mabel pointed out.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” Wirt insisted, his entire face red. “Look, some people have arrived. Do you know them?” Mabel glared at him suspiciously before looking over to the door to see two people enter the room. She let out a shout of glee.

“Candy! Grenda! How’s it going?” Mabel went to go greet her friends while Wirt sighed once again and played a scale on his clarinet.

“What seems to be the matter, brother of mine?” Greg suddenly was behind Wirt, and Wirt let out a small scream, almost dropping his clarinet.

“Jesus Christ, Greg! Don’t scare me like that.” Wirt said. “And there’s nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing. I just…”

“You just what?” Greg urged Wirt to go on. Wirt took a deep breath.

“Well, I might of, um, maybe, possibly, accidentally agreed to help Dipper with the ticket stand all night.” Wirt quickly admitted.

“That’s great!” Greg exclaimed. “You’ll be able to talk with him all night.”

“But what if I mess up somehow? Like, what if I spill a drink on him? Or I trip and fall? Or, or, I-”

“Nonsense!” Greg interrupted. “Even if those things do happen, you can fix them. If you spill a drink on him, you can clean it up, and if you trip and fall, you can just get back up. Dipper won’t care if you mess up. Just focus on being you.”

“Thanks, Greg.” Wirt smiled at the boy and affectionately messed up his hair. “Looks like the party is starting. Go have fun and be safe, okay?”

“Alright. You too.” Greg went off to join Mabel and her friends, excitedly introducing himself to them. Wirt briefly wondered how a six year old had better advice for him than he could ever offer before Dipper had gotten on the stage and readied his instrument.

“We’re going to start soon.” Dipper explained. “Better get ready now.” Mabel had gotten up on the stage and got her instrument ready as well.

“Ready for this, Wirt?” Mabel asked.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Wirt mumbled, trying to calm his heart, which had picked up its pace once Dipper had gotten onto the stage.

“Ladies and gentlemen and those who don’t identify as either.” Soos begun as everyone at the party listened with rapt attention. “Before we party for the party crown,” He held up a crown that was clearly made out of cardboard and spray-painted god with fake jewels glued to it. “We have a small concert with Mabel and Dipper, as well as a special guest star named, uh,”

“Wirt.” Dipper whisper-yelled to Soos.

“Wirt!” Soos repeated, looking proud that he had said Wirt’s name. The audience clapped and cheered before quieting down to allow the trio to play. Wirt quickly glanced over to Mabel and Dipper, who both offered a comforting smile, which Wirt tried to return before he took a deep breath and started playing the first thing that came to mind.

It was the song that Greg had gotten him to play time and time again because Greg was friends with a frog-person named Jason Funderburker, and it was one of the more popular songs in the frog-people culture. Mabel and Dipper soon jumped in and began playing with him.

At first, Wirt was anxious, feeling everyone’s’ eyes on him. Before long, though, he became lost in the music that he was playing, and, soon, he had played the last note and the sound of applause filled the room. He looked down bashfully once he had heard everyone clapping. He didn’t play that well. Once the applause had died down, Soos started speaking.

“And after that awesome concert, it is now time,” Soos paused for dramatic effect. “To fight for the party crown! May all who are competing come up!” Mabel quickly put away her bass and jumped off the stage.

“Count me in, Soos!” Mabel exclaimed. Right after Mabel exclaimed this, a girl with blonde hair wearing a plethora of purple came up to the stage.

“Are you ready to lose, Mabel?” The girl taunted.

“Not this time, Pacifica.” Mabel responded.

“I’d like to compete.” Greg went up near the stage.

“I’m not going to go easy on you!” Mabel declared.

“Let the battle for the party crown begin!” Soos proclaimed.

Wirt smiled as he began to put his clarinet away. Maybe this party would be fun.

“Hey, uh, Wirt.” Dipper said. Wirt looked up at Dipper.

“Yeah?”

“I have to be at the ticket stand, otherwise Stan will yell at me.” Dipper explained. Oh yeah. The ticket stand! Wirt had totally forgotten.

“I, uh, also have to go to the ticket stand.” Wirt stated. “I promised Stan that I would.” Dipper brightened up when Wirt had said that he would be working the ticket stand.

“Really?” Dipper exclaimed excitedly before coughing and putting his hands in his pockets. “I mean, cool. That’s cool.” Dipper awkwardly smiled at Wirt, and Jesus Christ, Wirt was not going to survive this.

“Yeah, r-really.” Wirt was pretty sure he was blushing now and quickly turned away to hid it. “Let’s go.”

“Right.” The two went over to the ticket stand. Once they had sat down, they were bombarded by people who wanted to get into the party. Wirt was feeling extremely overwhelmed by the amount of people shoving ten dollar bills in his face. It was not like he could just leave Dipper here all alone to deal with them, though. So, he took people’s money and gave them their tickets in return. Eventully, thankfully, the flow of people soon slowed down, allowing Wirt to relax a little.

“So, uh.” Wirt paused, glancing at Dipper. How did conversation work again? He suddenly remembered the poem he had in his pocket. Maybe he could give Dipper the poem he wrote. No. Never mind. That would never work. That would be absolutely embarrassing. Dipper would probably just laugh at him.

Dipper finished a transaction and looked at Wirt before looking away quickly. Wirt only had a brief amount of time to wonder what he had done before Dipper faced him again.

“Well, um, uh, so.” Dipper stuttered out. “So, uh wh-what’s your favorite animal?”

“I’m quite fond of deer.” Wirt answered. “I also like bees.”

“Bees?” Dipper questioned.

“Yeah, bees.” Wirt laughed. “You can’t argue with honey, after all.”

“True, true. Honey is amazing.” Dipper admitted.

“What about you? What’s your favorite animal?” Wirt asked.

“I like wolves.” Dipper answered simply.

“Any reason why?”

“I guess it’s because.” Dipper paused and thought for a moment. “They are strong and loyal.”

“Well, that’s a reason.” Wirt grinned. Dipper rolled his eyes.

“It’s a better reason than, ‘honey is delicious.’” Dipper chuckled and Wirt laughed with him. Wirt, though, tried to hold back his laughter slightly so that he could hear Dipper’s laugh better. Dipper’s laugh made his heart swell and, man, was he in deep.

Wirt glanced inside to see the party, only to be met with Greg grinning at him. Greg pointed furiously to Dipper and gave Wirt a thumbs up. Wirt awkwardly smiled back and gave a thumbs up in return before Greg went back to continue partying.

“What about food? Do you have a favorite food?” Dipper questioned.

“Mmm.” Wirt thought. “I don’t really have one.”

“Me either.” Dipper admitted. “It’s all food anyways, so why would you limit yourself to liking one particular food the most?”

“That’s an odd way to phrase it.”

“But it’s true.” Dipper pointed out. The two then saw Beatrice walking up to the ticket stand.

“Hey.” Beatrice greeted. “What are you two doing here?”

“We’re working the ticket stand.” Dipper answered.

“No, I mean why aren’t you two in the party?” Beatrice put two five dollar bills on the counter.

“We both promised to stay here for the rest of the night.” Wirt took Beatrice’s money and handed the shapeshifter her ticket.

“Why would you do that?” Beatrice questioned. “You guys could be in that party right now!”

“I’m good here.” Wirt briefly glanced over to Dipper.

“Ohh. Well alright then.” Beatrice grinned mischievously. “I’ll be inside. Have fun!” She winked before joining the party. Wirt could feel his blush cover his face, so he brought up his hands to hide his red face and was silently screaming. Why Beatrice. Why. Just why.

Thankfully though, Dipper was too busy dealing with the sudden influx of part people to notice Wirt reaction to Beatrice teasing him. Wirt then realized that the line of people was a whole lot longer than it originally was.

“How did that many people just appear?” Wirt questioned, taking a person’s money and giving them a ticket.

“Well, once one person appears, more are soon to follow.” Dipper answered.

“Where do all these people come from? Is everyone in town here?” Wirt asked.

“Yeah. Probably.” Dipper responded.

“Really?” Wirt exclaimed. “The entire town? Don’t people have better things to do?”

“Not really. There isn’t much to do in Gravity Falls. Most of the people in there are teenagers and tourists anyway.”

“We’ve had plenty of adults come in too.” Wirt pointed out.

“Adults are just children with more experience.” Dipper argued.

“I guess so.” Wirt laughed. The two then fell into a comfortable silence, taking people’s cash and giving them tickets in return. Wirt look into the party, where everyone seemed to be having a good time, save for a few people, who looked like they were panicking slightly.

“Hey, Dipper. Some people in the party look really freaked out. Any reason why?” Wirt asked.

“That’s probably because they want to leave.” Dipper answered, giving no other details.

“Why would they panic about that?”

“Probably because Grunkle Stan charges ten dollars to get in and fifteen dollars to leave early.” Dipper explained.

“What?” Wirt exclaimed. “Why would he do that?

“Because he is a greedy, greedy old man.” The two fell into another silence before Dipper spoke again.

“Who do you think is going to win the party crown?”

“I don’t know for sure, but I’m rooting for Greg.” Wirt responded. Dipper grinned.

“He’s been the only one to compete with Pacifica and Mabel since the first party crown.”

“Who usually wins?” Wirt inquired.

“It’s kind of fifty-fifty. Sometimes Mabel wins and sometimes Pacifica wins. The winner is decided with applause.” Dipper elaborated.

“Pacifica was the blonde-haired girl, right?”

“Yeah.” Dipper confirmed. “She used to be pretty mean, but now Pacifica is a fairly good friend to Mabel and me.” Dipper then glanced around, as if looking for something. “There doesn’t seem to be anyone else coming. We could probably sneak into the party.”

“But, Dipper!” Wirt whined. “We both promised Stan that we would stay here for the rest of the party!”

“He doesn’t have to know that we left our station.” Dipper countered.

“We could so easily get caught.” Wirt argued. “Someone could tell Stan that we were in there.”

“No one is going to say anything.” Dipper claimed. “And besides, there are so many people there that no one will even notice that we’re inside.”

“But there is the possibility that someone will notice we aren’t outside.” Wirt pointed out.

“Two words.” Dipper held up two fingers. “Fake us’s.”

“Is that even the correct phrasing?” Wirt asked.

“I have no idea, but we can get rocks and sticks and stuff and just fashion them together, so that it looks like we are still out here.” Dipper explained.

“I’m not going to move out of this seat unless we get some sort of clearance to leave.” Wirt crossed his arms in determination. Of course, right after he said that, Stan came outside.

“Hey, Dipper. Wirt. How about you two take a break and join the party? I’ll get someone else to stay at the ticket stand.”

“Alright!” Dipper yelled in triumph, grinning widely at Wirt. Wirt squinted his eyes at Dipper, despite the butterflies that decided to multiply once Dipper had smiled at him.

“Fine.” Wirt tried to make his voice sound annoyed, but it didn’t come out like that, so he rolled his eyes and smiled slightly. “Let’s go into the party.”

“To the party!” Dipper declared, and Wirt giggled at how excited Dipper seemed to be. The two went inside, and Wirt was pleasantly surprised by the fact that the music wasn’t loud enough to make his ears bleed.

“Hold on.” Dipper said once they entered the party. “I just realized I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll be waiting.” Wirt responded. Dipper quickly went off to the restroom.

After Dipper had used it, he went to go wash his hands. He splashed some water in his face and took a deep breath.

“Okay, Dipper. You can do this.” He spoke to his reflection. “All you have to do is talk to him, consult the list if you can’t think of a topic, and eventually ask Wirt to dance with you. That isn’t hard.” He took another deep breath and brought out the list of questions and topics that he would consult if he couldn’t think of anything to say. He crossed out ‘favorite animal’ and ‘favorite food’ on the list and glanced at other topics and made note of a few of them. He then put away the list and glanced at his reflection.

Dipper took off his hat and fixed up his hair that he had actually brushed. Once he was more or less satisfied with his hair, he placed his hat back on his head.

“I can do this.” Dipper left the bathroom to rejoin the party (and Wirt).

“Hey, Wirt.” Dipper greeted once he found Wirt.

“Oh, uh, hey, Dipper.” Wirt said. “Do you want to go get some punch or soda or something?”

“Sure.” Dipper stated, and the two went to the drinks table. Dipper got some Pitt Cola, and Wirt got some punch, as well as a bit of food that was on another table.

“So, uh,” Wirt took a sip of his cup. “Who do you think is winning the crown so far?”

Dipper looked over to the stage.

“Well, the karaoke part of the contest is about to happen.” Dipper pointed at the stage. Pacifica got up onto the stage and choose to sing Teenage Star by Maria and the Sapphires.

“I wanna be a perfect girl, I don’t why, but I feel wronged. I wanna be a teenage star, I wish I hadn’t been so far.” Pacifica sang out.

“This song suits her.” Dipper whispered to Wirt. Pacifica was soon done with the song and everyone applauded. Mabel was next, choosing the song Wiggle It Off by Tina Fast

“Cause the lamers gonna lame, lame, lame, lame, and the Casanovas gonna flirt, flirt, flirt, flirt. I’m just gonna wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle it off! Wiggle it off!” Mabel screamed out, singing worse than Pacifica, but the crowd seemed to be more pleased by the song Mabel was singing, if one when by the cheers that she got when she was finished with the song.

Greg, after Mabel was finished, went onto the stage to sing a song as well.

“Soo. Could you give me a song that Dipper likes?” Greg asked the DJ.

“Sure thing, little dude.” Soos picked a song and, to Dipper’s mortification, it was Disco Girl by Babba.

“Disco girl! Coming through! That girl is you! Uo, uo, uo, uo, uo, uo!” Greg sang and the crowd went wild.

“You like this song?” Wirt smiled.

“There is nothing wrong with liking Babba.” Dipper defended himself.

“I never said there was anything wrong with that.” Wirt stated, and Dipper wondered what he did to deserve Wirt, even as just a friend.

Greg finished his song and the crowd broke into applause. Soos quieted down the crowd and made an announcement.

“Before we continue the battle for the party crown, we’re going to do a slow song, so grab that special someone and dance to your heart’s content.” People immediately grabbed their partners and began dancing to the beat of the slow music.

Wirt then felt someone tug his shirt and turned around to find Greg. Greg motioned for Wirt to get down to Greg’s level. Wirt did so, and Greg whispered in his ear.

“This is your chance! Ask Dipper to dance with you!”

“Greg, no. I couldn’t do that!” Wirt whispered-yelled back. “And besides, I only figured out I liked him today. I don’t even know if he likes me back.”

“Hmmmm.” Greg thought. “That makes sense. I still think you should ask him to dance at some point, slow dance or not.”

“I just don’t think I’m quite ready to tell him about my feelings yet.” Wirt explained. “Even if I get butterflies every time I see him now.”

“You two would be really awesome together, so you should tell him eventually.” Greg insisted before going off to excitedly talk to Mabel, who had used the slow dance to take a break and get a drink. Wirt sighed and smiled fondly before turning to Dipper.

“There seems to be a whole lot of couples in Gravity Falls, doesn’t there?” Wirt commented.

“Yeah, there are.” Dipper looked around. “I can’t believe Tambry and Robbie are still together.”

“Tambry and Robbie?” Wirt questioned. Dipper answered by pointing to a couple, of which was a girl with purple hair and the other was a guy with black hair wearing a hoodie with a stitched up heart on it.

“There’s actually a kind of funny story about how they got together.” Dipper grinned. “You see, Wendy and Robbie dated when they were fifteen, and Wendy broke up with him, so Robbie was heartbroken. Mabel, of course, had to make sure he was happy, so, with her matchmaking skills, she tried to set up Tambry and Robbie, but it didn’t really work, so Mabel used a love potion on them.”

“Wow. That’s…” Wirt paused to try and find the right word. “Interesting? Well, yes. It was interesting, but there’s another word. Ugh. It’s on the tip of my tongue.”

“Morally ambiguous?” Dipper offered.

“Definitely.” Wirt agreed. “I think your entire family has a skewed moral compass.”

“Yeah. We’ve all been told that multiple times.” The slow song then faded out and Soos announced that they were going to go back to partying before deciding on who won the party crown. A very 80’s sounding song began playing and the people of the party returned to dancing wildly.

“I guess, since we’re here, we should dance a bit.” Dipper suggested.

“That sounds fun.” Wirt forced himself to say. He was not going to chicken out, and, if he did at this point, he knew that he would regret it immensely.

“Come on, then!” Dipper exclaimed as he began dancing. Wirt smiled and started dancing with Dipper, encouraged by Dipper’s awful dancing. The two grinned and laughed, and Wirt didn’t think he would ever stop smiling. His heart was beating against his chest, and butterflies fluttered round in his stomach.

It seemed that only a few seconds passed once Soos began to make an announcement.

“It is now time to vote on who wins the party crown.” Soos held up the crown high above his head, and the crowd cheered. “Alright, alright. Calm down.” A single person let out a large wallop before the entire crowd had quieted.

“Now give it up for Mabel!” Soos gestured towards the mentioned girl. The crowd clapped and cheered. “And now Pacifica!” Soos put an arm towards Pacifica, and she seemed to get about the same amount of applause as Mabel did. “And now for our newcomer, Greg!” Greg put his arms up and waved at the crowd, who clearly gave more applause and cheers and shouts than Mabel and Pacifica got.

“It looks like the winner of the party crown is Greg!” Soos announced and went to go put the crown on Greg’s head. Greg let out a loud cheer. “Is there anything you would like to tell the audience?”

“I had a great time here!” Greg yelled into the microphone. “But now I’ve got to go home and get some sleep.” The crowd awwed.

“That’s it for tonight, everybody.” Soos said. Everyone at the party began leaving. There were several people who stayed, and Mabel started yelling about a sleepover.

“It looks like I should get Greg home.” Wirt glanced at the boy who had ended up falling asleep on a couch that he had found.

“Wow. He was really tired.” Dipper commented. “Do you need any help getting him home?”

“No. I got this.” Wirt said as he lifted up Greg to put him on his back.

“Are you sure you don’t need someone to walk you guys home? It’s getting kind of dark out.” Dipper fretted.

“It is?” Wirt questioned before glancing outside. “Oh no. Greg and I missed dinner!”

“You guys still ate some stuff at the party, right?” Dipper questioned.

“Yeah, but Dad is probably extremely worried about us.”

“Yeah. You guys don’t want him to worry.” Dipper said. “The offer to walk with you guys still stands.”

“As nice as that would be,” Wirt started. “I wouldn’t want you to get hurt on my account. It is dangerous out there.

“I’ve been through those woods plenty of times.” Dipper tried to reassure Wirt.

“Greg and I will be fine. Besides, there is probably a gnome or two looking for us.”

“Alright. Fine.” Dipper pouted. “But don’t come crying to me if you get eaten by wolves or something.”

“I wouldn’t be able to go crying to you if I got eaten by wolves.” Wirt grinned. “Anyways, Greg is getting kind of heavy.”

“Alright.” Dipper laughed. “Now go before I go with you.”

“See ya!” Wirt said, walking out of the door. Not even ten seconds later, Wirt walked back in, grinning sheepishly.

“I kind of, maybe, sort of forgot that, uh, Mabel still had my hat and cloak.” Wirt blushed.

“Oh, yeah.” Dipper stated, standing there awkwardly. The two stood in silence for a moment before Dipper spoke. “Let me just go get Mabel.” Dipper ran off, and, shortly afterwards, Wirt heard a scream.

“Dipper!” Wirt carefully set down Greg on a couch to run towards where he had heard the scream, only to find a bunch of girls, including Mabel and Pacifica, trying to put makeup on Dipper.

“Wirt! Help!” Dipper cried out. Wirt let out a laugh. “Wirt!”

“Sorry, sorry.” Wirt apologized. “Hey, uh, do you think you can let go of Dipper? Please?”

“Cute boy alert!” The largest of the girls shouted.

“Is that a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.” The girl with the glasses said.

Pacifica rolled her eyes, and Mabel laughed hysterically while Wirt went completely red.

“I, uh, um, well, I-I,” Wirt stuttered, completely unsure of how to respond to the flirting.

“Ladies, ladies, please.” Mabel saved Wirt. Thank this lovely angel. “Introduce yourselves first.” Never mind. Mabel did not save him at all. She was a demon with no remorse.

“I’m Grenda!” The largest girl yelled.

“And I’m Candy.” The girl with glasses stated.

“Mabel. Can you just give Wirt his hat and cloak back?” Dipper asked while trying to smear off some of the make-up that was on him.

“Oh yeah!” Mabel went over to her bed and pulled out a large red, cone-shaped hat and a large blue cloak with golden buttons. “Here you go!”

“Thanks.” Wirt said, putting on his beloved hat and cloak. “I’m going to need to get Greg home now.”

“Dipper and I could walk you guys home.” Mabel offered.

“But I wouldn’t want either of you to get hurt out there.”

“Please. We’ve gone out there hundreds of times.” Mabel insisted. “Dipper and I will be fine. And I’m sure Dipper wouldn’t want you to get hurt either.” Mabel giggled, and Dipper was colored pink.

“Well, uh, yeah.” Dipper agreed.

“Oh.” Wirt said dumbly.

“Come on! Dipper and I will be your knights in shining armor!” Mabel exclaimed.

“Alright. I, uh, guess you two could walk Greg and I home.” Wirt relented.

“Come on, Dipper! Go and protect your prince.” Mabel grinned. “See you girls later!”

“Come back soon, Mabel!” Grenda yelled as Dipper, Wirt, and Mabel went down. Wirt went over to where Greg was and picked him up.

“Aww.” Mabel cooed at Greg. “He really tuckered himself out during the party, didn’t he?”

“He’s only six, after all.” Wirt adjusted his grip so that he wouldn’t drop Greg.

“Do you want me to carry him?” Mabel asked.

“No. I got this.” Wirt said. “Let’s just go before my dad gets too worried about Greg and me.”

“Lead the way then!” Mabel exclaimed. “And if you get too tired, I’ll hold Greg for you.”

“If I get too tired.” Wirt pointed out.

“It’s really dark out.” Dipper stated. Wirt heard a rustling noise before Dipper let out a shout of triumph.

“Whatcha got there, Dipdot?” Mabel asked.

“A flashlight.” Dipper turned on the flashlight.

“Where did that even come from?” Wirt inquired, as he had not actually seen Dipper get it out.

“My backpack.” Dipper pointed to the bag he was wearing.

“Oh.” Wirt laughed awkwardly. “I didn’t even notice you had one.”

“Ha ha. Yeah.” Dipper replied. The two stayed silent for a while as they walked. Eventully, it was Mabel who broke the silence.

“Oh my god. You both are so awkward.”

“We are not awkward!” Dipper protested.

“The awkwardest duo to ever live on this Earth.” Mabel teased.

“I guess we can be kind of awkward.” Wirt said.

“Wirt!” Dipper yelled. “I thought you were on my side!”

“You thought wrong.” Wirt wasn’t able to keep the smile off his face as he spoke in a serious tone.

“Savage.” Mabel commented. “You getting tired of carrying Greg around yet?”

“Nope. Not yet.” Wirt said. “He is much easier to carry when he is sleeping than when he is awake.”

“Piggy back rides?” Dipper inquired.

“Piggy back rides.” Wirt affirmed. “Children have infinite pools of energy.”

“Like me!” Mabel declared.

“He said children have infinite amounts of energy. Not teenagers.” Dipper pointed out.

“Pish posh. I am just a child with more experience.”

“Okay. That is true.” Dipper agreed.

“Alright, guys. We are here.” Wirt said.

“Does this mean we have to say goodbye?” Mabel whined.

“Well, I will see you guys tomorrow, right?” Wirt stated.

“You bet your bottom dollar you will!” Mabel exclaimed.

“See you guys tomorrow then.”

“See you later, Wirt.” Mabel and Dipper said simultaneously. Wirt went inside his house.

“Jinx! You owe me a soda!” Wirt could hear Mabel say to Dipper before their voices faded out.

Wirt went over to where Greg’s bed was and gently placed his little brother on the bed. He put the covers over Greg and placed his teapot and party crown nearby.

“Goodnight, Greg.” Wirt whispered. Wirt left the room and suddenly found someone hugging him.

“Oh my god. Thank god you’re okay. Is Greg okay? You two didn’t show up for dinner and I-I was so worried about you two.” The Gnome King was looking over Wirt to make sure he was alright.

“Yeah, Dad. Greg’s fine. He’s sleeping now.” Wirt said. “We just went to a party and lost track of time.”

“I’m so glad you two are alright. I don’t know what I would do if one of you two…especially after your mother…” The king had tears in his eyes.

“Sorry for making you worry.” Wirt apologized. “I should probably go to sleep now.”

“Yes, but, before you do…” The king paused. “Did, did you and Greg have fun at the party.

Wirt thought about how happy Greg looked when he had won the party crown, and how amazing he had felt when he was dancing with Dipper.

“Yeah.” Wirt smiled. “Yeah, we did.”

Chapter Text

“Hey, Wirt.” Stan greeted once Wirt had walked into the Mystery Shack for work. “I need you to do something.”

“Uh, sure, Stan.” Wirt said. “What is it?”

“I need you to stand over here.” Stan led Wirt over to the museum part of the Shack. Wirt stood in the spot Stan had asked him to, and then Stan put a sign in front of him, as well as a box with a hole cut into it. “That should do it. Stay there.” Stan then walked away.

Wirt was kind of just standing there awkwardly, having absolutely no idea why Stan wanted to stand in that particular spot.

“Dude, I can’t believe Stan got you to do this.” Wendy came up to Wirt.

“What? Do what?” Wirt asked.

“He didn’t tell you?”

“No, he just, kind of, asked me to stand here, put some stuff in front of me, and then left.” Wirt explained.

“’Gnome-human hybrid, $30 to ask a question.’” Wendy read the signs.

“Oh my god.” Wirt buried his face in his hands.

“Don’t worry about it, dude. Stan has gotten everyone at the shack to work as an attraction at some point or other.” Wendy reassured him.

“I guess that makes me feel a little better?” Wirt turned the sign so that he could see it. “$30 to ask a question? Isn’t that a little bit expensive?”

“Trust me. That is Stan’s version of cheap. He’ll probably up the price if he sees that you are getting popular.” Wendy stated.

“How did I get roped up into this?”

“I could get you a Pitt Cola if you want.” Wendy offered.

“Thanks, but you don’t have to do that.”

“You sure you don’t want one?”

“I guess I’ll have one.” Wirt said. Wendy grinned and went to go get the Pitt Cola. Wirt then heard yelling coming from the other room.

“Wendy! Wendy!” A voice that was clearly Mabel’s was screaming. “I got to fly on a hippogriff! It was awesome!”

“It was amazing! Do you even know how rare hippogriffs are? It’s crazy! I can’t even believe it!” Dipper yelled out, his voice just as excited as Mabel’s. Wirt couldn’t hear Wendy’s voice, but it resulted in Dipper yelling.

“What? Wirt is here? Oh my god. Really? But I’m-” The rest of what Dipper was saying was drowned out by Mabel’s screaming, which was incomprehensible because of what Dipper was yelling. A little while after that, Wendy, Mabel, and Dipper walked to where Wirt was. They were all holding a Pitt Cola, with Wendy holding two.

“Here you go.” Wendy gave one of the Pitt Colas that she held to Wirt.

“Thanks.” Wirt opened the soda and took a sip out of it. He then noticed that both Mabel and Dipper were covered in dirt and scratches. “Oh my god, are you two okay?”

“We’re fine.” Mabel insisted. “This is a minimum amount of damage.”

“Minimum!?” Wirt practically screeched. “You two are covered in dirt and scratches! What if those injuries get infected? What even happened!?” Wirt was sloshing his drink around as he was waving his hands in gestures of concern. There was some soda spilling on the ground.

“Well, we found a hippogriff today. It didn’t hurt us, but it did let us ride on it.” Mabel exclaimed. “But the landing was kind of rough.” Dipper wasn’t saying anything as he was sipping his soda.

“What do you even mean by minimum amount of damage?” Wirt tried to calm down and breathe.

“We usually get hurt worse than this, so yeah.” Mabel explained like the twins getting harmed was nothing.

“Remember when you guys both came to the shack with a broken arm?” Wendy asked.

“OH MY GOD! That was so painful, but it was funny because Dipper and I broke the same arm.” Mabel laughed.

“I had to write with my left hand for two months.” Dipper grumbled.

“Oh, the woes of being right handed!” Mabel lamented. “Good thing I’m left-handed.”

“Lucky you.” Dipper shoved Mabel, and they both laughed.

“Hey, uh, guys. I think we broke Wirt.” Wendy pointed to the teen who had frozen during the conversation.

“Oh my god, Wirt? Are you okay?” Dipper worried. “We didn’t break you or anything, right?”

“Uuuhhh.” Wirt paused.

“Oh no! We broke Wirt!” Mabel yelled.

“…I, uh.” Wirt finally spoke.

“Oh thank god! We thought you were dead!” Mabel exaggerated.

“Well, I, um, guess I’m not.” Wirt spoke slowly.

“Cheers to Wirt being alive!” Mabel and everyone else banged their cans of soda together. Mabel downed the rest of her drink and let out a giant belch, which she proceeded to laugh hysterically at. “I think that was my best burp yet!”

“No.” Dipper disagreed. “I think the one from that one party was the best.”

“Which one?” Mabel asked.

“The one with the night theme, which was on the full moon, and there was a werewolf running around that we had to take care of.” Dipper explained.

“Oh yeah! That one! That was a really awesome burp.” Mabel agreed. “What about that one at the grocery store?”

“Subpar.” Dipper deadpanned.

“If you say so, bro-bro.”

“What are you guys doing?” Stan bellowed. “Wendy! Get back to work! Mabel! Dipper!” Stan looked at his great niblings. “Take a shower. You two are filthy, and you can’t greet the customers looking like that.”

“Well, that is my cue to leave.” Wendy drawled. “Time to slack of somewhere else.” With that, Wendy left the room.

“Bye, Wirt!” Dipper shouted, bolting out of the room and tripping in the process. He got up and brushed himself off, laughing awkwardly while he glanced at Wirt before finally leaving the room.

“Dork.” Mabel mumbled. “Welp, see you later, Wirt.” She walked backwards out of the room while finger gunning at Wirt and winking.

“Why.” Wirt covered his face with his hands. “Why did I fall for a guy who is going to get himself hurt all the time? He’s going to kill me.”

“If you’re done mumbling to yourself I can tell you what you’re going to be doing today.” Stan stated.

“Oh, yeah, right.” Wirt put down the Pitt Cola that was half empty.

“Alright. First things first.” Stan got out a black sharpie and wrote something on the sign. “There we go. That’s better.”

“So, uh, what do you want me to do?” Wirt was gripping the ends of his cloak.

“You are going to sit or stand there, and, when I bring tourists around, they are probably going to take pictures of you, so be prepared for that.” Stan explained. “And, when someone gives fifty dollars, put it in this box and answer whatever question they ask. Got all that, kid?”

Wirt nodded. Honestly, he wasn’t sure if he could handle it.

“Alright. Don’t worry though. “I’m gonna have Dipper or Mabel cleaning in here, so, if something goes wrong, they can deal with it.” Stan reassured. Wirt was just wondering what could possibly go wrong aside from him freezing up or dying or god there was a lot that could possibly go wrong.

Wirt nodded and didn’t say anything.

“Hey, if things get too overwhelming, just tell Dipper or Mabel or whoever I put in here, and they will get you out in a jiffy.” Stan said.

“Thanks.” Wirt took a deep breath and tried to steel himself. If Dipper or Mabel was here with him, he could handle this. He could do this. Stan had even given him an out.

“I’m going to check for tourists.” Stan left the room, leaving Wirt to sit there in the room, surrounded by various attractions.

Wirt looked around the room. There seemed to be several new attractions that were not there last time he had gotten a good look at the room. There was an extremely sparkly monkey that sported a nearly neon pink wig, and something that looked like they just stitched together a mermaid tail and a bat’s face before adding antlers to its butt. Those, however, looked like the only new things in the room.

“I guess I’ll just… wait here.” Wirt groaned. He picked up the soda that was beside him and drank some of it. He waited around for a few minutes before Mabel walked into the room.

“Hello again, Wirt!” Mabel greeted. She had changed into light pink sweater that showcased a monkey on it, which she had paired with a purple skirt and pink hairpin.

“Hello again, Mabel.” Wirt copied.

“What if there was a color between pink and purple that we couldn’t see?” Mabel asked. “What about pink and green? What if they are sparkly? What if there are colors that I am missing out on!?”

“I, uh, guess that’s possible?” Wirt said.

“Imagine a world where you can see colors that you can’t even imagine! That would be amazing! A world that has colors only bees and art students can see!” Mabel exclaimed. At this moment, Dipper walked into the room.

“We are not going back to Mabel Land.” Dipper declared. “That was a horrible experience.”

“You just didn’t like it because of Dippy Fresh.” Mabel reasoned.

“Keep Dippy Fresh out of this! He wasn’t the only reason, and you know it!” Dipper’s voice cracked.

“I know, bro-bro.” Mabel went up to Dipper and bopped his nose. “Boop!”

“Uh, if you don’t mind me asking,” Wirt started. “Who exactly is Dippy Fresh?”

“Uhg. Dippy Fresh.” Dipper’s voice was filled with disgust. “I just want to snap his neck.” Dipper imitated the movement one would use to snap another’s neck.

“Aww. Don’t say that, Dipper. Dippy Fresh was not my creation.” Mabel stole Dipper’s hat.

“Hey! Don’t steal my hat!”

“Besides, that doesn’t answer Wirt’s question.” Mabel put on Dipper’s hat backwards and seemed to procure a pair of neon colored sunglasses from thin air.

“Yo, yo, yo! I’m Dippy Fresh! Flip a dip-dop!” Mabel then proceeded to dissolve into laughter.

“Give me my hat back.” Dipper stole his hat back and placed upon his head. “But, seriously. Dippy Fresh was awful.”

“Not going to argue with you there.” Mabel agreed.

“So, what is Mabel Land?” Wirt asked.

“Okay, so remember Weirdmageddon?” Mabel stated.

“Yeah?”

“And then there was a big pink bubble with a shooting star on it?”

“I think I remember that. I might have been too busy fending for my life and being a statue to actually remember any specific details.” Wirt said.

“Well, being a statue certainly sounds fun.” Mabel said sarcastically. “Anyway, inside that bubble was Mabel Land! Along with yours truly.”

“It was impossibly bright and extremely cheerful, and the only rule was that you could not mention reality.” Dipper explained.

“And this ‘Dippy Fresh’ was there?”

“Yes. He was. Thank god he died along with the bubble.” Dipper commented.

“Actually, I think Xyler and Craz are still alive and in the real world.” Mabel pointed out.

“Really? I thought they disappeared along with Weirdmageddon.” Dipper remarked. Mabel simply shrugged in response.

“And here we have the amazing Taster! Watch out! It’s quite fond of eating things.” Stan’s voice rung through the Mystery Shack. “If you put something near it, it will gobble it up!”

Mabel gave Wirt a giant grin and a thumbs up while Dipper gave a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry. Grunkle Stan has made us all into attractions more than once.” Dipper said. Stan soon brought the group of tourists to where Wirt was.

“Now, feast your eyes on this magnificent creature. Half-gnome and half-human. Truly a wonder of nature. Fifty dollars to ask a question.” Stan proclaimed to the tourist group.

“I have a question.” One tourist said. They were wearing a pink T-shirt and a pair of shorts and boots. They were also wearing one of the pine tree hats that the Mystery Shack had in the gift shop.

“Fifty dollars, please.” The tourist gave Stan the cash before bestowing their question onto Wirt.

“How would a gnome and a human have sex?” The tourist asked bluntly, causing Wirt’s face to turn completely red.

“Oh, uh, well, um.” Wirt stuttered. “Gnomes just have the same parts as humans, so…”

“They do it the same way two humans would frick frack.”

“Yeah.”

“I have a different question.” Another tourist who was wearing a long skirt and pale green sweater declared, giving the required fifty dollars to Stan.

“Do you only know English? Or do you know other languages like Spanish or something?”

“I know English, Spanish, Latin, and Backwards English.” Wirt answered.

“Wow! You must be really intelligent then!”

“Uh, thanks.” Wirt scratched behind his head, blushing a little at the compliment.

“I’d, uh, like to ask a question.” A person clutching tightly to a notebook of some sort said. Stan made a grabby motion with one of his hands and the person gave the money to Stan.

“What d-do gnomes and gnome-human hybrids eat? I don’t think they would, um, eat the sa-same thing as humans.”

“Well, the gnomes will basically eat anything. Birds, pie, bugs, essentially anything they can get their hands on. Doesn’t really matter if it is cooked or not. I, however, have to eat things that are actually cooked, or else I get sick, so, I guess you could say that I can eat the same things that humans do. I will say that gnomes are typically more carnivorous, though.” Wirt replied, glad that this person didn’t ask or say anything super embarrassing.

“Thank you.” The person wrote some stuff in that notebook of theirs.

“Anybody else have any questions for him?” Stan questioned. When all he got was a bunch of people shaking their heads, he decided to move on. “That’s the end of the tour, but feel free to browse around the gift shop for as long as you like!” The group of people went over to the gift shop to, apparently, buy Stan’s overpriced merchandise.

“That went awesome.” Mabel remarked.

“T-that went better than I thought it would.” Wirt admitted. To be honest, he was kind of shaking from all the people who were watching him.

“It’s probably going to be a while before the next group of tourists come in.” Dipper said.

“Thank god. I need time to recover from that.” Wirt decided that the best way to do this was to lie down on the ground.

“Want someone to join you on the floor down there?” Mabel was already laying on the ground next to Wirt. “Come on, Dipper! You need to join us in the lying down of the peoples.”

“Alright.” Dipper grinned and rolled his eyes as he laid down on the floor with the two of them.

“If there were two people on the moon, and one of them killed the other with a rock, would that be messed up or what?” Mabel questioned, causing Dipper to groan.

“Mabel, no.”

“Mabel, yes.”

“That would be pretty messed up.” Wirt said.

“I know, right? Dipper doesn’t think so.”

“That’s because you always say that particular thing at, like, three in the morning. When you should be asleep.”

“Psh. You and I both know that you’re not sleeping when I say those sorts of things either.” Mabel defended.

“You guys should both be sleeping at three in the morning.” Wirt proclaimed, glancing at both Mabel and Dipper. Wow. Dipper look really great in this lighting. It was, like, a halo surrounding him, proclaiming to the world that an angel had come, bright and beautiful and searching for justice. His hat had fallen off, revealing gorgeous brown locks that cascaded around him, tangled and breathtaking all the same.

“The Glitter Frog! Truly the greatest animal nature has ever created!” Stan’s voice boomed, startling Wirt out of staring dreamily at Dipper.

“Positions, everyone!” Mabel declared, and Dipper grabbed his hat and stood up, forcefully shoving the baseball cap on his head, while Mabel practically bounced up, seemingly unaffected by the Earth’s gravitational pull. Meanwhile, Wirt groaned as he sat up, unwilling to deal with anymore tourist’s questions.

“The gnome-human hybrid, everybody!” Stan announced as the group ohhed and awed as they wildly took pictures, leaving Wirt with plenty of flashes in his field of vision. “Fifty dollars to ask this amazing creature a question!”

One of the tourists, who was almost vibrating with how excited they were, immediately gave Stan the money.

“Whatisgnomesocietylike?” The tourist slurred their words together, making them nearly incomprehensible.

“What? Could you repeat that?” Wirt asked. The person took a deep breath before talking in a much calmer manner.

“What is gnome society like?” They repeated.

“Well, the gnomes have a kingdom that typically has a king and a queen, who might have a child that becomes the next in line for the throne. Of course, the royalty have advisers and things like that. There is, of course, a police force, and regular citizens of the gnome kingdom.”

“OOH! Cool!” Wirt could practically see stars in the person’s eyes.

“Is your hat attached to your head?” Another tourist questioned before handing fifty dollars to Stan.

“Uh, no?” Wirt took off his hat in demonstration and then put it back on his head.

“I’d like to ask a question!” A person whose hair and clothes were rumpled and messy handed some money to Stan.

“What is the lifespan of a gnome and would your lifespan be different because the lifespan of a gnome and a human are different?”

“Hey, that’s two questions!” Stan complained.

“I said and, so it is only one question that just so happens to be a combination of two different questions.” The person said smugly. Stan glared at them before talking to Wirt.

“Just answer the person’s question already.”

“I, well.” Wirt started. “Gnomes only live a little bit longer than the average human, so I don’t think my lifespan is affected all that much.”

“Any other questions?” Stan asked, looking over the crowd.

A person wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses went up and handed Stan some cash before turning towards Wirt.

“Hey. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” They lowered their sunglasses a bit and winked.

“What?” Wirt tilted his head, giving a look of absolute bewilderment.

Meanwhile, Dipper was standing there seething. Why was this person flirting with Wirt? Why did they pay to flirt with him? Why did Wirt have to be so cute and oblivious to it?

“You know, because you’re an angel.” The tourist stated, cramming their hands into the pockets of their leather jacket. Who even wears a leather jacket in the summer time?

But, before Dipper could go over there and give them a piece of his mind, Mabel intervened.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. You realize you’re flirting with a gnome-human hybrid, right?” Mabel questioned.

“Uh, yeah?” The person’s face showed barely any emotion.

“That’s kind of weird, dude. But, you know. To each their own.” Mabel said innocently.

The person’s face went red, and they said nothing as they essentially ran out of the room, muttering about how the gnome-human hybrid was just a human anyways.

“O-kay, then. Any other questions that do not involve flirting with the gnome-human hybrid?” Stan inquired, being met with silence. “Well, feel free to wonder around the gift shop and buy some things.”

The group of tourists left, and Dipper was still muttering about something or other. Wirt really couldn’t tell what he was saying. Mabel suddenly roared with laughter.

“Oh my god! That was the cheesiest pick up line ever!” Mabel said in between breaths.

“Pick up line?” Wirt questioned before the tips of ears went pink. “Wait! They were flirting with me!?”

Mabel started laughing even harder at Wirt’s response.

“Oh, Wirt.” Mabel then took a deep breath, looked over at Dipper, and dissolved into laughter once again.

“Di-dipper.” Mabel giggled. “You still there?”

Mabel’s voice seemed to break Dipper out of his random mumblings.

“I was about punch that guy.” Dipper grumbled.

“And I was trying to keep the violence to a minimum.” Mabel patted Dipper on the shoulder.

“Well, that was weird.” Stan stated. “Why don’t you, I don’t know, go home or something?”

“Are you sure?” Wirt asked.

“If you can leave before I change my mind.”

“Okay? Bye, then?” Wirt glanced over to Mabel and Dipper. “I guess I might have some princely duties to do right about now.”

“What do you have to do? I thought you said you don’t have many princely duties?” Dipper inquired.

“Oh, well, it’s, uh, kind of difficult to explain, and it is a ritual sort of thing? It happens for about a week and there is a different thing to do every night for it.” Wirt explained. “I’ll tell you more about it later, before Stan changes his mind about me leaving.”

“Well, alright. Don’t die walking home, alright?” Dipper smiled, and Wirt smiled back. And it wasn’t just because of the warm feeling that lighted up in his chest.

“See ya, Wirt!” Mabel exclaimed.

“Bye, Mabel!” Wirt left the Mystery Shack and began to walk back home, and was about halfway home when he began to hear chanting.

“Ltoloxa, Ltoloxa, Ltoloxa, Ltoloxa, Ltoloxa! In silvus, manemus divum surgo iterum!” Wirt glanced over to see the rusty gates that kept people from messing with the Cipher statue. Beyond the warning and keep out signs, he could see humans and monsters alike behind the gates.

“Suvid! Ylvvw gom elkbza dfx rm vzugt vwlqm bgo!” Wirt began to walk faster, past the people who seemed to be worshiping the statue. He hoped that they wouldn’t actually trigger anything, and that the statue would stay rock and stone instead of flesh and blood.

Thankfully, there were no other major events after the cult, and Wirt made it home safely, where he was immediately greeted by Greg.

“Wirt! I got the dandelions and daffodils!” Greg showcased the yellow flowers he held in his hands. “I forgot which one you are supposed to boil and which one you are supposed to bath in, so I wanted to wait until you got home, so that I could make sure I got this right.”

“You boil the bulb of the daffodils and bath with the dandelions. Remember not to eat the daffodils.” Wirt reminded Greg. “Actually, how about I boil the daffodils, and you put the dandelions in the bathing area.”

“Alright, Wirt.” Greg handed Wirt the daffodils and went off to the bathing area.

Wirt began boiling the bulbs of the daffodils.

“Purify this household and take the evil spirits away.” Wirt said to the boiling pot. He didn’t actually have to say anything, but he felt better when he did. Like, it made the magic properties of plants and things stronger.

“Wirt, the bathing area is ready!” Greg had already removed the tea kettle he wore.

“Coming.” Wirt made sure that the boiling daffodils were no longer boiling before he went off with his brother. He hoped that all these rituals actually did keep him and his family safe.

Chapter Text

“Dipper! It’s Summerween today!” Mabel screamed out. “You know what that means, right?”

“Grunkle Stan is going to rob from the store that we were banned from, and then all of us are going to dress up?” Dipper answered.

“You know it! Come on! We need to find out what Grunkle Stan and Ford are going to dress up as!”

“Where are they anyways?” Dipper asked. Mabel shrugged.

“Ohh! Do you think that Wirt and Greg would want to go trick or treating with us?” Mabel yelled excitedly. “You could even tell Wirt that you like him~”

“No. Absolutely not. At least not without a plan.” Dipper said.

“Come on, Dippin Dot. When has any of your plans worked?”

“My plans would have totally worked.” Dipper declared. “It’s just that things always go wrong.”

“Just tell him, Dipper. Trust me. I’m a romance EXPERT!” Mabel pointed gleefully to herself. “And Waddles is telling you to just tell Wirt too.” Mabel picked up the pig.

“Boo!”

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Dipper screamed. When he saw Grunkle Stan there, he glared at him. The con man laughed.

“Ha! That always works!”

“Stanley, that isn’t very becoming.” Grunkle Ford said as he walked into the room.

“You’re not very becoming!” Stan yelled back in retaliation. “Besides, I’m hilarious! Isn’t that right Mabel, sweetie?”

“Sure, Grunkle Stan. The most hilarious.” Mabel rolled her eyes, but was smiling as she said it.

“See, poindexter? My niece thinks I’m funny!” Stan proclaimed. “Now, who’s ready to prepare for Summerween?”

Mabel and Dipper cheered, and Ford laughed and joined in on the cheering.

“PINES, PINES, PINES, PINES!” Grunkle Stan started chanting, and the rest of them joined in as well.

“Soos! Melody! You coming?” Stan yelled, and Soos and Melody immediately came running.

“I’m always prepared for Summerween!” Soos yelled out.

“Same here!” Melody said.

“Hey! You two want to join us in chanting?” Mabel offered.

“Of course, dude.” Soos said.

“PINES, PINES, PINES, PINES!” The six of them chanted, pumping their fists in the air as they left the Mystery Shack, as well as alerting any passerbys that the Pines family was up to no good once again.

“I should drive. I always drive.” Stan said.

“Stanley, you are basically blind with and without your glasses. Let me drive.” Ford countered.

“I don’t even remember the last time that you drove a car. And you have a crack in one of the lenses of your glasses.”

“I should probably get new glasses.” Ford admitted. “But still. I drove a car recently.”

“How recently?”

“Probably less than a month ago. I have driven various intergalactic spaceships before.”

“What does having driving an inter-something rocket have to do with driving a car?”

“Plenty of things.”

“Like what?” Stan challenged.

“Uhh. Well.” Ford thought. “I think that may be a little bit complicated to answer.”

“Guys!” Melody yelled from the driver’s seat of the car. “I’ll drive. Get in the car.”

“Fine. She wins.” Stan said as he got into the car along with Ford.

“To the store!” Mabel declared.

“Yeah! To the store!” Dipper agreed.

Melody drove the Pines family to the store, of course, going the speed limit and following all of the road rules because she is actually a responsible driver, unlike the Stans.

“Alright. We’re here.” Melody announced as she parked.

“Hooray!” Mabel bounced out of the car and went to the store door. “What!?”

“What is it, Mabel?” Dipper asked.

“It says no pets.” Mabel pouted as she held Waddles in her arms.

“Bring him in anyway. They get to deal with him.” Stan stated as the Pines family went into the store.

“Sorry, but you can’t bring any pets in here.” A store employee said when they walked in.

“And why not?” Stan asked.

“I don’t know. Just a new store policy.”

“How about you make an exception?” Stan attempted to persuade the cashier.

“I don’t want to get fired.” The cashier answered. “You can have one of your family members stand outside with the pig though. No rules against that.”

“Fine.” Mabel pouted, getting ready to go outside with Waddles.

“You know, I could sit outside with Waddles while you find a costume. I already have one anyways.” Ford offered.

“Really? That would be so awesome of you!” Mabel handed the pig to the six-fingered man.

“I’ll tell him stories about my intergalactic travels.” Ford began going outside, but not before Dipper heard him start one of his many stories. “So, once I ate a donut that temporarily turned me into a dragon.”

“Dipper! To the costume isle!” Mabel exclaimed.

“To the costume isle!” Dipper repeated, the two going over to one of the isles to find the perfect costume.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! DIPPER!” Mabel screamed. “COME LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND!”

“What did you find?” Dipper looked at the costumes Mabel had taken off the shelf. “I can’t believe you found these! That is awesome!”

“Grunkle Stan!!!!” The twins yelled as they ran to their Grunkle who was grabbing a large container filled with fake blood.

“What is it?”

“We found Ladybug and Chat Noir costumes!” Mabel exclaimed. “Isn’t that amazing?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure. I have no idea who those people are, but let’s go with that it is amazing that you found costumes of them.”

“HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!” Soos and Melody had simultaneously pressed four different skull heads at the same time and laughed at the noise they made.

“Hey, guys! Mabel and I found Ladybug and Chat Noir costumes!” Dipper told the couple.

“Obviously the greatest superhero duo.” Melody said. “Like you guys.”

“Obviously!” Mabel bubbled. “And it is the perfect duo to be! Because I’m like Ladybug, the main one, and Dipper’s more like the sidekick.”

“Hey!” Dipper laughed. “Ladybug wouldn’t be nearly as awesome without Chat.”

“That is true. They are a team! Like us!”

“Obviously.” Dipper giggled.

“Hey! Are you losers done yet? We’ve got kids to scare!” Stan hollered as Soos picked up two of the fake blood containers at the same time.

“Are you guys ready to pay for your items?” The cashier asked.

“Yeah. I think we are.” Melody answered.

“Pay? I was gonna steal these.” Stan admitted. Melody sent him a glare. “Fine. I’ll pay for the stupid items.

“Have a nice day.” The cashier said in a monotone voice after all of the items have been rung up and paid for.

“You too!” Mabel exclaimed.

“Wow. I think that was one of the first times where we weren’t actually kicked out of the store.” Dipper commented as they walked out of the store just in time to hear Ford finish his story.

“And that’s why you should never eat food that was given to you by a complete stranger.”

“Hey, Ford! It’s time to go scare children!” Stan yelled.

“Oh! Right.” Ford got up and handed Waddles to Mabel. “There you go.”

“Hey, Waddles. How was Grunkle Ford’s story?” Mabel asked. Waddles oinked in response. “I know! That story is one of my favorites.”

“Grunkle Ford! Mabel and I found Ladybug and Chat Noir costumes!” Dipper exclaimed.

“Really? I happen to have a Hawkmoth costume.” Ford stated.

“What!? You watch The Miraculous Ladybug?” Mabel and Dipper chorused.

“Well, kind of? I saw it in another dimension, and I’m not sure what the similarities and differences are between the one in that dimension and the one in this one.” Ford admitted while the Pines family went to the car (with Melody driving, of course.)

“I’m sure there isn’t that many differences.” Mabel assumed.

“Well, you never know.” Ford said. “By the way, do you kids have a favorite, how you say it, ship? Do you kids have a favorite ship in the Miraculous Ladybug?”

“Adrienette of course!” Mabel immediately said. “They have the most adorable and fluffy dynamic.”

“And I like Marichat the best.” Dipper answered. “I like all of the ships fairly equally, but, in that one, they learn to love their other selves.”

“What? Obviously Ladynoir is the best! They have a great partnership, and they are already friends, and…” Ford ranted. “Wait. Did you say other selves?”

“Well, yeah. Marinette is Ladybug and Adrien is Chat Noir.” Dipper pointed out. Ford, in response, did a face palm.

“Of course! Why didn’t I realize it before?”

“Did they not tell you that in the version you watched?” Mabel giggled.

“No! They didn’t!” Ford complained. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice it sooner! They look exactly the same except with masks.”

“I don’t know what is more painful. Not knowing the identities of Chat Noir and Ladybug or them not knowing the identities of each other.” Dipper commented. “Probably them not knowing each other’s identities.”

“Oh my god. They need to figure out who the other is. It is killing me!” Mabel lamented.

“Speak for yourself.” Dipper said. Mabel laughed in response.

“This dork has pulled all-nighters attempting to figure out all the secrets of The Miraculous Ladybug, including how Marinette and Adrien realize the other is their partner in heroicness.” Mabel stated.

“That isn’t true!” Dipper denied.

“Yes, it is true! You have written so many different fanfics of how they could realize it and get together that you have quite the following.”

“I haven’t written that many!” Dipper claimed.

“Sure you haven’t Mr. ‘Twenty fics and counting.’” Mabel teased.

“Alright. We are back at the Mystery Shack.” Melody declared before laughing. “Ha! That rhymed!”

“It did! That’s hilarious dude.” Soos agreed.

“Dipper, Dipper, Dipper, Dip, Dippin-Dot, broseph, bro-bro, brother, Dip-dop, Dip-”

“Mabel! What?”

“We should go see if Wirt and Greg want to go trick or treating with us.” Mabel declared as the Pines family got out of the car. “We can even bring Waddles with us to help convince them.”

“I mean, I guess we can.” Dipper said.

“Yeah! Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Ford! Dipper and I are going to go steal the Gnome Prince!” Mabel proclaimed.

“Don’t get caught!” Stan yelled back.

“We won’t!” Mabel screamed as she and Dipper went towards the Gnome Kingdom.

The two went up to Wirt and Greg’s house, and Dipper knocked on the door. After a few seconds, Greg opened the door.

“Dipper! Mabel! Hey!” Greg greeted.

“Hey, Greg!” Mabel said. “So, Dipper and I were wondering if you would like to join us trick-or-treating tonight!”

“I would love to!” Greg exclaimed. “But I’m not so sure about Wirt. He’s been a huge Worry-Wirt all day. I don’t understand why he is so scared of Summerween. He always says that bad things come on Summerween and Halloween, but nothing bad ever happens on those days.”

“Maybe he just needs a bit of convincing!” Mabel said. “Do you think that Waddles can help us convince him to go trick-or-treating with us?”

“Of course! Waddles is amazing!” Greg agreed. “Let’s go tell Wirt that he needs to go trick-or-treating with us!”

“Obviously.” Mabel stated. Greg led Dipper and Mabel to where Wirt’s room was.

“Wirt!” Greg knocked on the door.

“Greg?” Wirt opened his door. He looked like he hadn’t gotten any sleep, and his hair was looked like he was constantly pulling on it.

“Wirt, do you wanna go trick-or-treating with Mabel and Dipper?” Greg asked.

“What!?” Wirt seemed to notice that the twins were right there. “I, uh, no! I mean yes! I do-don’t know.” He started running his fingers through his hair like he was trying to comb it.

“Come on, Wirt! Mabel even has a pig! What would be the harm in trick-or-treating?”

“The, the harm? The harm! Do you even realize how dangerous it is out there on days like these?” Wirt yelled out before suddenly becoming much quieter and hunching over to make himself smaller. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you like that. Sorry.”

“It’s okay, Wirt. I understand. I know you’re scared.” Greg reassured.

“I, um.” Wirt faced towards Mabel and Dipper. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I just…” Wirt rubbed at his eyes. “I haven’t really gotten any sleep lately. I don’t like Summerween or Halloween because it means sprits come out and sometimes they are evil spirits, and I…” Wirt looked like he had been completely defeated. “I, I don’t want people getting hurt from them.”

Seeing Wirt like this broke Dipper’s heart. He wanted to go and hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay, and he wanted to help him, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know if Wirt needed to be left alone for a while or needed some comfort, and he wants to help, but doesn’t know if he is close enough friends with Wirt to help, and, and…

“It’s okay.” Dipper decided to say. “You don’t have to trick-or-treat with us if you don’t want to. We don’t want to force you to do anything.”

“No. It’s, it’s fine. I mean, I don’t want to be a burden or anything.”

“Silly! You won’t be a burden! You’re our friend!” Mabel stated. “Good luck getting out of this beautiful friendship of ours!”

“Ha.” Wirt smiled and gave a little breath of a laugh. “I guess I could come with you guys.”

“Are you completely sure?” Dipper worried.

“Yeah. I just have to have a bit of protection.” Wirt said.

“Wirt. You have already done a bunch of rituals for an entire week, and you’re wearing your necklace. What more protection do you need?” Greg asked.

“I guess I don’t need that much more protection. But you do.” Wirt got out a silver bracelet with green gemstones decorating it.

“There. I’m protected.” Greg stated as he put the bracelet on. “Now let’s go trick-or-treating!”

“What costume are you going to wear?” Mabel asked.

“Hmmm. I don’t know. What are you guys going as?” Greg questioned.

“We are dressing up as Ladybug and Chat Noir.” Dipper answered.

“Awesome! Can I be Plagg?” Greg bounced up and down.

“Of course! You watch The Miraculous Ladybug?” Mabel inquired.

“Yeah! Some kids at school showed it to me. It was awesome!”

“Waddles could be Tikki!” Mabel exclaimed.

“That would be amazing!” Greg declared. “Wirt! What are you going to dress up as?”

“Well, uh, I don’t know. I guess I could just go in what I normally wear.” Wirt said.

“What? That’s boring! We need to figure out something else.” Greg thought for a moment. “Dipper! Do you have any ideas?”

“Well, I do have one.” Dipper whispered something in Greg’s ears.

“Perfect!” Greg had stars in his eyes as he took off the teapot on his head and put it on Wirt’s.

“What?” Wirt questioned.

“You can be me!” Greg proclaimed.

“I guess I can.” Wirt smiled.

“That is the greatest thing ever.” Mabel said.

Dipper said nothing and simply nodded. Why was Wirt so cute? No one should be this cute. He just had a teapot put on his head and had the goofiest grin ever, and Dipper was melting into a giant pile of goo. There is no saving him now.

“Bro-bro.” Mabel whispered. “I think you might have a goofier grin than Wirt does right now.”

“What?” Dipper turned red. “Heh. Sorry.”

“You can be a giant dork later. Right now…” Mabel paused. “We go on a candy hunt!”

“You mean we are going trick-or-treating, right?” Wirt asked.

“I mean what I said.” Mabel exclaimed. “ONWARDS, TO GLORY!”

“ONWARDS, TO GLORY!” Greg and Dipper repeated.

“Onwards, to glory.” Wirt said, much less enthusiastically than the rest of the group.

“Come on, Wirt. You have to say it more enthusiastically than that.” Dipper grinned. Oh god no, Wirt couldn’t handle how cute that grin made Dipper look.

“Onwards, to glory!” Wirt said, only a little bit louder than he did last time, but the grin Dipper gave seemed to almost split his face in half.

“That’s the spirit!” Mabel hollered as they began to leave the house. “Come on, now! We need to make Greg and Waddles their costumes!”

Wirt paused before exiting the door. Come on. He said he would go with them and go with them he will! He can’t just let some evil spirits that may or may not be real prevent him from going outside. He took a deep breath and joined the group outdoors.

“I can do this.” Wirt whispered to himself.

“That’s the spirit, Wirt!” Greg exclaimed. “Now let’s go make our costumes.”

The four of them walked to the Mystery Shack, which was completely decked out in Summerween decorations and had no less than seven jack-o’-melons. Wirt could hear evil laughter coming from the shack.

“You guys, uh, really like this holiday, don’t you?” Wirt gulped. Could he really spend this day outside of his house?

“Of course!” Mabel affirmed. “You get to dress up, AND you get candy! What’s not to love?”

“Probably the evil spirits that come out around this time.” Wirt mumbled, but the twins ended up hearing him anyway.

“What? Evil spirits?” Dipper sounded shocked. “It’s more ghosts that come around at this time, so people like to greet their dead relatives and friends. But don’t worry. If an evil spirit does cause some havoc, Mabel and I are going to be here to stop it!” Dipper grinned broadly and stood up straighter.

“Wouldn’t that be dangerous?” Wirt asked, looking at how confident Dipper seemed to be about stopping a corrupt ghost. It was actually really enduring.

“If you are going to be saving people, you are bound to put yourself into the line of danger. That is typically how things work.” Dipper answered. “But Mabel and I haven’t died yet, so that is a good sign.”

“Glad you guys are alive.” Wirt stated.

“I am also glad you guys are alive!” Greg mimicked.

“Aww! We’re glad you guys are alive, too!” Mabel responded. They all went into the Mystery Shack.

“No, Ford. You’re doing it wrong. It’s like this.” More malevolent laughter echoed throughout the house.

“And that’s why you weren’t the one to sing to persuade the Gjkadsfjij to not eat us.”

“Your singing is awful, and that thing’s name wasn’t even pronounceable.”

Dipper, Mabel, Wirt, and Greg all walked into the living room where the yelling was coming from.

Wirt was greeted with the sight of not one, but two Stans. He really wasn’t sure how to feel about this. Maybe he could just leave and avoid confrontation. Hopefully. Possibly. That might work.

However, before Wirt was able to come up with a plan to get out of there unnoticed, he was noticed.

“Oh. Hey, Dipper and Mabel.” One of the Stans said. “Who are your friends?”

“I’m Greg! And this is my brother, Wirt!” Greg gestured dramatically towards Wirt.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Ford.” Ford knelt down and shook Greg’s hand.

“Wow! You have six fingers? That’s amazing! I only have five. Wirt! Wirt! Ford has six fingers!” Greg exclaimed.

“Yeah. He does.” Wirt didn’t know how to respond in any other way. He had so many questions. Who was this Ford guy? Why did he look exactly like Stan? Why had he never heard of him? He was so confused.

“I sure do!” Ford exclaimed. “And, Wirt. I’ve heard so much about you!”

“Uh, r-really?” Wirt asked. What did he hear about him? Why did he hear about him? He wasn’t that interesting. Why would people talk about him? Did they say good things or bad things? What even constituted as a good thing or a bad thing? Was he just overthinking this? Is he overthinking this? What if he isn’t overthinking this? What if-

“Of course! Mabel has told me all about you and Greg and that Dipper-”

“Hey, Greg! Why don’t we find you your costume?” Dipper, whose face had turned red, interrupted Ford.

That kind of worried Wirt. What was this about Dipper? What does Dipper think about him? Why would Dipper interrupt Ford? Was it because Dipper didn’t want him to know about something? What was it? Was it that Dipper-

“Yeah!” Greg shouted, bringing Wirt out of his downward spiral of thoughts. Maybe it was just the holiday getting to him. Yeah. That’s it.

“We’ll need to find you some ears and a tail.” Mabel pointed out. “I’m pretty sure I have something like that in the attic. Come on, Greg!”

“Ford and I will just continue preparing to scare the children.” Stan stated as Mabel, Greg, Dipper, and Wirt left the room to go to the attic.

There were two beds on opposite sides of the room with a triangular window that was positioned between them. A dirty and crumpled rug lay in the center of the floor. There were a few cloths and books and papers strewn across the room. There was also a giant chess piece that poked through the ceiling.

“If I may ask, why in the world is there a giant pawn in your room?” Wirt questioned.

“Oh, yeah. That.” Dipper chuckled a bit. “One time I found some crystals in the forest that could grow and shrink things. So, I attached them to a flashlight to make a Grow and Shrink Ray, and I tested it out on this chess piece.”

“And may I inquire as to why you left it just sitting there?”

“I had more important matters on my hands.” Dipper dismissed.

“Yeah. Like trying to be taller than me.” Mabel laughed while riffling through her things to try and find some cat ears or cat tail.

“I was twelve!”

“Now look at you. You’re a giant.” Mabel gestured towards Dipper.

This made Wirt try and fail to hold back a laugh because he was a full head taller than Dipper.

“Wirt! Are you denying the fact that Dipper is a giant?” Mabel gave the most appalled look ever.

“Of, of course not.” Wirt guffawed.

“But Dipper is shorter than you Wirt.” Greg pointed out.

This, of course, caused Wirt to laugh even more.

“Hey! I’m taller than Mabel now!” Dipper defended.

“I’m still the alpha twin. Ah-ha! Found some!” Mabel triumphantly held up a headband with black cat ears on them.

“Can I try them on?” Greg asked excitedly.

“Of course!” Mabel handed the headband over to Greg, who immediately put on the ears.

“Now I just need a tail.” Greg stated.

“Let me look around for something that might work.” Mabel hummed while looking for something that might be suitable as a tail.

“Mabel. Since when have you been the alpha twin?” Dipper pouted, and Wirt thought that Dipper really needed to stop being so cute or else Wirt might have to do something drastic.

“Since fur-ever.” Mabel giggled. Dipper groaned.

“Hey, you and I both know that once you have that Chat Noir costume on, you will be making non-stop cat puns.” Mabel argued.

“I will not!” Dipper proclaimed.

“Sure you won’t.” Mabel rolled her eyes. “Here we go. This fabric might work as a tail.” Mabel showed a long piece of black fabric. “You could tie it around your waist and then the ending part would be the tail.”

“Yeah!” Greg took the fabric from her and began to tie it around his waist, fumbling a bit before getting it on. “Purr-fect!”

“Look, Mabel. Now you’re corrupting the children.” Dipper complained.

“I’m not cor-roar-pting the children?” Mabel grinned.

“That pun was stupid.” Dipper announced.

“What? Should I just start making ladybug puns? Or would that bug you?” Mabel laughed hysterically at Dipper’s glare.

“That was the worst one yet.” Dipper declared.

“I thought it was claw-some.” Wirt found himself saying.

“No.” Dipper glared. Wirt laughed.

“I’m paw-sitive that pun was amazing.” Greg laughed.

“I hate all of you.” Dipper said. “You’re all dead to me! Dead to me, you hear?”

“We hear you bro-bro. Let’s put on our costumes. They are going to be miraculous.”

“ARGH!” Dipper groaned.

“And then you can put the spots on Waddles!” Greg shouted.

“That’s right! Let me just change real quick.” Mabel grabbed her costume and went towards the bathroom.

“I guess I’ll just wait until she gets out.” Dipper said.

“I guess so.” Wirt responded. There was a few seconds of silence before Greg broke it.

“What do you think a hybrid between an elephant and a giraffe would be? A giraphant? An eleraffe?”

“I like the sound of giraphant better.” Dipper answered.

“Now what would a giraphant look like?” Greg inquired. “Maybe it would have a longer neck than all of the giraffes and also be absolutely gigantic like an elephant! It would be so big, it would basically be a dinosaur! Then it would need a different name… How about a giraphantsouras!”

“That sounds like a great name.” Wirt said. “But I don’t think a giraffe and elephant would even be able to have children.”

“Anything is possible with the power of love!” Greg declared. “And even if a giraffe and an elephant couldn’t have kids, they could adopt. Imagine if they took care of a tiger together! Maybe a magical tiger that can turn into a superhero!”

“What would the tiger’s powers be?” Dipper asked.

“Hmmm…” Greg thought. “He should be able to fly! And have super strength! And also shoot lasers out of his eyes! Pew pew!”

“Any other powers?” Wirt questioned.

“He can breathe in space!” Greg proclaimed.

“How did he get these powers?” Dipper asked.

“One time, while taking a walk, he helped a bluebird out of a bush, and the bluebird offered him a wish in return for helping her. So he asked for superpowers!” Greg explained.

“Did he specifically ask for certain superpowers?” Dipper questioned.

“No.”

“Well then, it would seem unlikely that he would get all those superpowers. Maybe he could just stick to one or two superpowers.” Dipper offered.

“Yeah. I guess it would be very unlikely. But which superpowers to choose?” Greg pondered this as Mabel walked into the room, dressed in her Ladybug costume.

“It’s your turn, Dipper.” Mabel said as Dipper went off to put his costume on.

“Hey, Mabel. What superpower should a tiger have?” Greg asked.

“Hmm. That’s a good question. What is the tiger like?” Mabel questioned.

“I haven’t gotten that far.” Greg admitted.

“How far have you gotten?”

“I have a tiger that is a superhero, and he became a superhero because he helped a bluebird, and she gave him superpowers. He also has an elephant and a giraffe as parents.” Greg explained.

“Well, Ladybug has the power of good luck, and Chat Noir has the power of bad luck, so how about having powers of a different element or something like that.” Mabel suggested.

“That’s a great idea! Then he could have a bunch of friends who help him beat the bad guys! But what would the elements be?” Greg pondered.

“Well, you could try and do the four elements. Water, fire, air, and earth.” Wirt offered. “Or you could have two superheroes with opposite powers. Like one has hot powers and the other has cold powers. Or one can become really big and the other can become really small.”

“This is more complicated than I thought it would be.” Greg admitted. Just as he said that, Dipper entered the room.

Which, of course, caused Wirt to turn the exact color of a strawberry. The suit Dipper wore was skin tight and showed off how fit Dipper really was. Not to mention the way Dipper was smirking made Wirt’s stomach do a billion flips.

“I’m going to use the restroom!” Wirt practically ran out of the room towards the bathroom. He entered the restroom and locked the door.

“Oh my god.” Wirt paced around the bathroom. “Why? What did I do to deserve this? Is this hell? Or heaven? I can’t decide.”

Wirt turned on the facet of the sink and splashed some cold water in his face.

“Come on, Wirt. Just breathe. Breathe. I said breathe, not stop breathing.” Wirt forced himself to take a deep breath.

“Okay. Okay. This-this is fine. I can deal with this. Why wouldn’t I be able to do this? Ha ha ha.” Wirt groaned and put his face in his hands. “I’m going to die.”

Wirt straightened the teapot on his head and tried to give himself an encouraging smile. It just looked awkward to him. He sighed. Maybe if he just avoided looking at Dipper for the entire evening, he might be able to survive. Possibly.

He exited the bathroom and went back into the attic.

“The tiger could have a love interest!” Wirt heard Mabel say.

“But I don’t really want the tiger to have a love interest.” Greg frowned.

“Gasp! I have an idea! The tiger could be aro!” Mabel suggested.

“What’s that mean?” Greg asked.

“Aro or aromantic means that a person doesn’t feel romantic attraction. They can still feel platonic love, but just not romantic.” Mabel explained. Greg’s eyes lit up.

“Yeah! I want the tiger to be aro!”

“Might as well make the entire cast queer while you’re at it. His parents are both guys, his best friend has no gender, and the bluebird is bisexual.” Dipper said.

Wirt pointedly did not look at Dipper. Nope. Not at all. He refused to glance even a little bit in his direction, and he was staring now. Well, that plan backfired spectacularly.

“That sounds like great!” Greg agreed. “What do you think, Wirt?”

Hearing his name broke Wirt out of staring at Dipper.

“Ye-yeah. Sure. That sounds awesome.” Wirt started talking quickly. His face was red, and he had no idea how he could lessen his blush. It’s not like he could use the bathroom excuse again. He already did that. You couldn’t use the same plan twice in a row. That would be suspicious. And clearly the plan about not looking at Dipper at all is not working in any way, shape, or form. What in the world could he even do?

“Oh yeah! I need to dress up Waddles before we leave.” Mabel said as she picked up the pig. “I already made some antenna for him.” She placed the headband on the pig’s head. “Now he just needs the spot.”

Mabel searched through some of her things before she found something that she could apparently use to put the spot on Waddles. Mabel put the spot on Waddles’ forehead.

“Perfect!” She declared as she hugged the pig before setting him down.

“Don’t you mean purr-fect?” Greg giggled. Dipper and Wirt groaned while Mabel laughed.

Then they all heard the doorbell ring. Mabel squealed and sprinted down the stairs. The rest of them ran after her.

“Candy! Grenda! It’s so great to see you! Your costumes are amazing!” Mabel declared.

“Thanks!” Grenda shouted. “I worked really hard on it!”

“I can tell. That is probably one of the best Kanaya Maryam cosplay I have ever seen!” Mabel complimented. “And Candy! Going with Eridan? Nice choice.”

“Eridan is my favorite after all.” Candy said. “Your Ladybug costume is also nice.”

“Yep! Dipper and I are dressed as the greatest superhero duo ever!” Mabel declared.

“Maybe not the greatest. Kim Possible and Ron would give them a run for their money.” Dipper mentioned.

“That is true…” Mabel’s eyes lit up. “What if there was a crossover between the Miraculous Ladybug and Kim Possible? That would be amazing!”

“Hey, Mabel. What’s Kim Possible?” Greg questioned.

“Clearly something you need to watch.” Mabel proclaimed. “It’s amazing, and it is about a girl name Kim Possible who saves the world with her best friend, Ron Stoppable.”

“That does sound amazing.” Greg had stars in his eyes.

“HEY!” Someone yelled. “You guys weren’t planning on leaving without me, were you?” It was Pacifica who had also wore a Ladybug costume. She glanced at Mabel’s costume. “It seems as if we wore the same costume.”

“That’s amazing!” Greg declared. “Did you guys plan this?”

“No, we didn’t.” Mabel said. “But it is still a fun coincidence.”

“Hey, Pacifica. I’m surprised you didn’t dress up as Chloé. It really would have suited you.” Dipper teased.

“And I’m surprised you didn’t dress up as a garbage can.” Pacifica responded. The two then burst out laughing. “I haven’t see your face around since the party. What’s been happening?”

Mabel squealed before whispering something to Pacifica. Pacifica glanced between Dipper and Wirt and smirked. She whispered something back to Mabel.

“Hey! I can’t hear what you guys are talking about when you are whispering like that!” Grenda complained.

“We’re just talking about cute boys.” Mabel said. “Speaking of cute boys, I don’t believe you guys have formally met Greg yet!”

“I’m Greg!” Greg yelled. “It’s nice to meet you!”

“I’m Candy, and this is Grenda.”

“And I’m Pacifica Northwest.” Pacifica flipped her hair a little bit. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“This is my brother, Wirt!” Greg introduced.

“Yeah. I know. We’ve met before.” Pacifica answered.

“But we really didn’t get to have much of a conversation.” Wirt pointed out.

“You were too busy trying to save Dipper.” Pacifica grinned.

“What was Wirt trying to save Dipper from?” Greg inquired.

“Wirt valiantly saved me from getting a makeover, curtesy of the girls that you see here.” Dipper answered.

“But why would Wirt need to save you from that? A makeover sounds like it would be awesome!” Greg insisted.

“Maybe we could give you a makeover instead of Mr. Grumpy Pants over here.” Mabel said.

“I would love that!” Greg grinned widely.

“But not right now. Right now, we trick-or-treat!” Mabel declared, being met by shouts and screams of confirmation.

“Onwards!” Greg shouted as the group went out the door to go trick-or-treating.

They went to the first house and rang the doorbell. Lazy Susan opened the door.

“Oh! Look at all your cute costumes! Let’s see, what do we have here? We have two polka-dotted creatures, two little kitty cats, some aliens, and…” Lazy Susan frowned when she got to Wirt. “What are you supposed to be?”

“I, uh, well, um.” Wirt fumbled, unable to explain how he was dressed up as his brother.

“He’s an elephant!” Greg answered for him. “See? That’s his trunk!” He pointed a part on the teapot.

“Oh! How silly of me to not realize that! He is an elephant. What a nice costume.” Lazy Susan laughed. “Here’s your candy.” She put some candy in each of their bags.

“Thank you, Lazy Susan!” Mabel said.

“You’re welcome. Now run along now. You don’t want to have empty bags by the time all the jack-o-melons go out.” Lazy Susan advised.

“To the next house!” Greg yelled. They all went to the next house and rang the doorbell. They were greeted by a man wearing a square.

“Trick-or-treat!” They shouted.

“Hello, children.” The man smiled. “Here’s your candy. But first, can anyone guess what I’m dressed as?”

“Are you dressed as a square?” Greg asked.

“Nope! Nice guess though.”

“Is it bread?” Dipper deadpanned, as if the man dressed up as bread every year.

“You are correct!” He put candy in each of their bags. “Run along now!”

They went from house to house to house, collecting candy and filling their bags up with plenty of sweats that they could get sick off of later. Wirt was actually having a lot of fun. Maybe he should actually go trick-or-treating more often.

Once he thought that, Mabel suddenly dropped her bag, the candy that was in it scattering across the sidewalk. Her breaths were short, and she was shaking intensely.

Wirt froze and wondered if he should help her. How would he even help her? He didn’t even know what was going on?

Dipper, on the other hand, seemed to know exactly what was going on. He went up to Mabel and gently held her hand. He started talking to her.

“Mabel, I’m here. I’m here. You’re real. I’m real. I’m here. Your real, actual, nerdy brother is right here, next to you, holding your hand.”

Mabel’s grip seemed to tighten around Dipper’s hand.

“Okay, Mabel. You have to breathe. Could you breathe with me?” Dipper inquired. Mabel nodded her head and tried taking a breath.

It went on like that for a few minutes. Dipper talking gently to Mabel while holding her hand, Mabel trying to breathe with Dipper, and Wirt having no idea what was going on. Greg probably didn’t know what was going on either, so when Wirt felt Greg grab his hand, he wasn’t all that surprised. Everyone else seemed to know what was going on. They just kind of let Dipper do his thing though.

Eventually, Mabel’s breathing became more regular and the shaking began to subside. She didn’t let go of Dipper’s hand though.

“Are you okay?” Dipper asked.

“Y-yeah. I’m, I’m fine. Sorry.” Mabel apologized. “Could, could I have a hug?”

“Of course.” Dipper responded. Mabel immediately began hugging Dipper tightly, while Dipper lightly hugged her back.

“Mabel, what just happened?” Greg asked after the two stopped hugging. Mabel was still holding Dipper’s hand.

“Mabel just had a panic attack.” Dipper answered.

“What’s that?”

“A panic attack is when someone is suddenly so overwhelmed with anxiety and fear that their body can’t physically handle it.” Dipper explained.

“I haven’t had one in for-forever.” Mabel commented, wiping away some tears that fell during her panic attack.

“Are you alright?” Greg inquired.

“Yeah. I’ll, I’ll be fine.” Mabel responded.

Greg frowned and rummaged through his candy bag before pulling out some chocolate.

“Would you like some chocolate?” Greg asked. Mabel smiled weakly.

“Sure.” She said. Greg unwrapped the chocolate, and gave her the candy, which she ate. Greg also had the curtesy to pick up all of her fallen candy and hold it for her until she was ready to carry it herself.

“Don’t forget to have some water!” Grenda advised, pulling out a bottle of water. “I always got really thirsty after panic attacks.”

“Thanks.” Mabel stated, accepting the water bottle and drinking from it.

“You know, if you’re not up for more trick-or-treating, we can just go back to the shack and eat the candy we have already collected.” Candy suggested.

“No…I don’t want to ruin your fun.” Mabel said. “We can continue trick-or-treating.”

“We’re at the Northwest Manor anyways.” Pacifica mentioned. “Maybe Old Man McGucket or one of his children will make some hot chocolate for you.”

“That would be nice.” Mabel said. Mabel took her candy bag from Greg. Wirt felt like he should say something. He had no idea what to say. Maybe it was just better to not say anything. It’s not like he had any idea what was going on anyways. As he thought this, the group went up to the door of the Northwest Mansion and rang the doorbell.

A boy that looked exactly like Dipper opened the door. He was wearing a wizard costume that had a number three stitched on it.

“Oh! Hi, Mabel! Hey, Dipper.” He said.

“Hey, Dillion.” Dipper responded. “Where’s Tyler?”

“He’s off trying to scare Tate.” Dillion answered.

“That one has always been kind of mischievous.” Mabel giggled.

“Anyway.” Pacifica rolled her eyes. “Could we come in? Maybe get some hot chocolate?”

“Uh, sure. Come on in.” Dillion motioned for them to come inside.

“You look a lot like Dipper.” Greg said when they found a place to sit down, which ended up being an absolutely gorgeous room, in Wirt’s opinion. However, it was clear that Greg was too busy noticing Dillion looking like Dipper.

“I do, huh?” Dillion laughed. “There’s a reason for that.”

“What’s the reason?” Greg questioned.

“Before I tell you that, you need to introduce yourself.” Dillion said.

“Oh my goodness! I completely forgot to introduce myself.” Greg gasped. “Well, my name is Greg! And this is my brother, Wirt.” Greg gestured towards Wirt.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Greg.” Dillion shook Greg’s hand. “And it is nice to meet you, Wirt.” He shook Wirt’s hand. “I’m Dillion.”

“Hey, Dillion. I’m Wirt.” At that very moment, Wirt wanted to completely disappear into nothingness. Just be anywhere but there right now. Thankfully, Dillion didn’t mention his slipup. Instead, he just glanced over to Dipper and raised his eyebrow. Dipper looked kind of like he had a fever with how red his face was. Dillion smirked and laughed.

“Dude. You have got to tell me more about this later. How about I get you guys that hot chocolate you asked for?” Dillion offered, immediately going off to presumably get some hot chocolate.

“I thought Dillion and Tyler couldn’t even touch liquids.” Mabel said.

“Normally they wouldn’t be able to, but McGucket laminated them. So now they can.” Dipper explained.

“Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.” Mabel laughed awkwardly.

“Why would Dillion and Tyler not be able to touch liquids?” Greg inquired.

“Laminated?” Wirt questioned. What did not being able to touch liquids have to do with laminating?

“It sounds like you guys are talking about me and my brother.” Dillion walked into the room with a person who looked exactly like him. He was wearing a matching wizard costume, except the three was a four.

“You two look like twins!” Greg exclaimed. The one with the four laughed.

“Of course we do! We’re genetically identical! By the way, I’m Tyler. Nice to meet you!”

“I’m Greg, and this is my brother, Wirt.”

Tyler looked over to Wirt and grinned.

“Why, hello there, cutie.” Tyler said. “Hey, Dipper, Dillion. Mind if I steal this guy away from you guys?” Wirt was completely red.

“Dude, you can do whatever you want.” Dillion said.

“But Wirt has a huge crush on-” Greg began saying, but Wirt put his hands over Greg’s mouth to prevent him from saying anything else.

“Crush? What crush? I don’t have a crush. I have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t have a crush on anyone!” Wirt suddenly pulled his hands away from Greg’s mouth. “Did you just lick me!?”

“Yes.” Greg answered.

“Why?”

“You wouldn’t have gotten your hand of my mouth otherwise.” Greg responded.

“Don’t worry, Dipper. I won’t steal this adorable person from you. Though it is really tempting.” Tyler suddenly laughed.

“Do you want any help?” Dillion asked as he set down mugs of hot chocolate. He was met by Dipper furiously shaking his head.

“No. I’m not going to let that incident happen all over again.”

“What incident?” Greg questioned.

“Well, I did say I was going to tell you about it.” Dillion stated. “On one faithful day, one Dipper Pines-”

“Do you really have to do the voice?” Tyler interrupted.

“Yes. Now shut your mouth.” Dillion coughed and started again. “On one faithful day, one Dipper Pines was going about his normal day when suddenly, a goddess appeared. A beautiful, red-haired, and overall cool and amazing person that goddess was. She was also older than Dipper. Dipper fell in love with this woman. Her name was Wendy Corduroy.”

“Wait. Dipper had a crush on Wendy?” Wirt exclaimed.

“Yes. I did. We don’t talk about that anymore. Dillion! Just continue the story.” Dipper said.

“If you wish.” Dillion continued. “Clearly plans had to be created in order to win her affections, as there were many obstacles in his way. Dipper, ever vigilant, made an attempt to seduce her at a party the Mystery Shack was hosting. He volunteered to man the ticket stand with Wendy.”

“Hey! Wirt did the ticket stand with Dipper! Does that mean-”

“Continue your story, please!” Wirt yelled over Greg.

“Anyways, at one point during the party, Wendy decided that she wanted to go inside and left Dipper behind. This, of course, would have ruined Dipper’s carefully laid out plans if he had not had the intelligence that he did. So, he went to the copy machine and copied himself. His copy became known as Tyrone.”

“Dipper!” Candy exclaimed. “I can’t believe you would do something like that! Copying yourself. That’s crazy.”

“I was desperate, okay?” Dipper defended.

“Let me continue my story.” Dillion said.

“Oh, right. Sorry.” Dipper apologized.

“Don’t worry about it. Now where was I?” Dillion stated. “Oh right! His copy became known as Tyrone. The two together decided that one clone wasn’t enough, so they decided to create two more clones. Clones three and four, who later became known as Dillion and Tyler.”

“Wow! So you guys are basically Dipper’s clones?” Greg exclaimed.

Wirt, on the other hand had a completely different, completely silent reaction to the being Dipper’s clones. Three Dippers??? And he could make more with the copy machine??? Wirt did not like the way his thoughts were headed, so he attempted thinking about something else. Like, possibly asking Mabel to teach him and Greg how to knit.

“Yeah. Basically.” Dillion took a sip of his hot chocolate. “And so, since the clones were made of paper, they would melt when in contact with liquids, so Grandpa Fiddleford laminated Tyler and me.”

“I almost forgot that Fiddleford adopted you guys.” Mabel commented.

“Yeah. It’s still kind of new. I don’t have to be afraid that liquids are going to kill me anymore.” Dillion said.

“Hey! I heard that we had some guests!” McGucket entered the room. “Hi, Dipper! Hi, Mabel! What brings you here this Summerween?”

“Oh nothing much.” Mabel said. “But we should probably get back to trick-or-treating before the last jack-o’-melon goes out.”

Screams were suddenly heard outside.

Wirt froze up while Dipper and Mabel got up to immediately go see what was happening.

“Wirt! Come on! We have to see what is happening!” Greg insisted, pulling at Wirt’s arm.

“Why do we need to see what is going on outside? We can just stay here and be safe.” Wirt reasoned.

“But there might be people in trouble, and they need a person to help them. And no one saves people better than my brother!” Greg declared. Wirt frowned.

“I don’t save people.” Wirt said. “I usually just end up hurting them instead.”

“That’s not true! Now come on! Even if you don’t help, you have to at least see if you can.” Greg pestered. Wirt jumped as he heard more screams.

“I can’t help anyone. Not today.” Wirt said.

“Yes, you can. You can help someone. You can help me help someone else.” Greg stated.

“Wait. You’re not going out there alone are you?” Wirt was met by Greg running towards the front door. “Greg! No! Come back here!”

Wirt ended up running towards Greg and found himself outside where a large spider-like creature was chasing and eating children.

“I thought that the Summerween Trickster was dead!” Dipper yelled.

“Well he is alive now! It is now time to eat disgusting candy!” Mabel immediately went to the monster and grabbed a chunk of it and shoved it in her mouth. She then spit it out.

“That’s not candy!” Mabel yelled as the creature turned around and faced towards her. She had a look of terror on her face. She wasn’t moving. Why wasn’t she moving? Why wasn’t he moving?

The creature raised up one of its fists. Right before it came down on Mabel, Dipper pushed Mabel out of the way, the fist landing on the pavement Mabel was instead of Mabel.

“What is that thing?” Wirt finally managed to do something. A bad something. The monster looked over to the exact spot Wirt was standing. It began running over to where he was.

Wirt ran. He blindly ran. He had no idea where he was going. He didn’t care. So long as that thing didn’t get him. He only stopped to think when he heard Greg scream.

“Greg!” Wirt took the risk and looked behind him to see that Greg was wielding an axe and hitting the monster with the handle end of it. Where did Greg get an axe?

Wirt didn’t have enough time to ponder this as the creature tried to attack Greg. Wirt didn’t think and just dived in just in time to prevent Greg from becoming a pancake.

“Are you okay?” Wirt screamed. He picked up Greg and took the axe from him before running like hell.

“If it’s not made of candy, how do we defeat it?” Mabel hollered.

“I don’t know!” Dipper yelled back. “I don’t know! I don’t know! I can’t do anything about it if I don’t know what it is!”

“Mabel, what did the monster taste like?” Greg questioned, seemingly the only one who was even kind of calm.

“Why does it matter?” Mabel yelled. “How is knowing that going to help us here?”

“Just tell us!” Greg insisted.

“It tasted alive. It came apart so easily, but it was made of flesh and bone.” Mabel had a few tears come out of her eyes.

“We know that it is organic now at least.” Dipper said. “That means we can defeat it, right? Do any of you have an idea?”

“Why would I have an idea?” Wirt questioned. “I just want to hide and get away from that thing!”

“Hide! Of course!” Dipper exclaimed. “Quick! Into the store!”

They went into the store and hid in a spot where the monster might not be able to find them.

“Looks like you guys found this place to hide too.” Wirt jumped at the sudden, deep voice, but looked around only to see Grenda and Candy hiding just like they were. He didn’t exactly know where Pacifica had gone. Maybe she had done the smart thing and stayed in the mansion.

“We needed to hide to formulate a plan.” Dipper whispered. “How did we defeat it last time?”

“Soos ate it.” Mabel said. “But it’s not made of candy this time.”

“Maybe water will dissolve it, just like the Dipper clones and candy.” Greg suggested.

“Possibly. That sounds like a good idea. We could try it.” Dipper stated. “But we should come up with a backup plan in case that one doesn’t work.”

“Can we come up with one soon?” Wirt asked, curling up tighter into the shelving they decided to hide in. “I think I might be hearing it coming.” That is when they heard the voice.

“Come out, little children. I know you’re here.” Wirt knew it was the monster. What else could it be?

“I don’t remember its voice being that high.” Grenda commented as quietly as possible.

“Yeah, it sounded kind of like…” Candy began but stopped. “But that couldn’t be! He’s dead. Gone. He’s been like that for years.”

“He still has that statue.” Dipper said. “Maybe he isn’t as dead as we thought.”

“Have you forgotten?” Wirt whisper-yelled. “There is still a scary monster coming after us and probably going to kill us if we don’t think of a plan soon.”

“I know that!” Dipper tried to keep his voice down, but ended up failing.

“I can hear you~” The monster said. Wirt could hear its footsteps coming closer, closer, closer.

“Take that, monster!” Wirt heard Greg yell.

“Greg!” Wirt screamed, looking over to see that Greg had found bottles of water and had begun pouring the water on the creature.

“Wirt! It’s working!” Greg yelled as he continued throwing water on the monster. It might have been doing something, but not much in that small amounts.

“Guys! We need to help Greg!” Wirt hollered as he took other water bottles and began to throw the water at the monster. He knew if this didn’t work, then they were all going to die horribly, but they were going to die horribly either way, right?

Dipper looked around before grabbing some water and throwing it in the face of the beast.

“Come and get me, ugly!” Dipper yelled before sprinting out of the store. The monster roared in anger before running out after Dipper.

“Dipper!” Mabel hollered before running after him. Everyone else also began running after him.

“Why did I have to fall for the guy who gets himself in this much danger?” Wirt mumbled while going outside where Dipper was.

Dipper took the hose that was there and turned it on. He directed the stream of water towards the monster.

Right before Wirt’s eyes, the monster melted into a puddle until it was no more. He stared at the puddle of liquid on the ground like the beast was going to come out again and attack them.

“I’m so glad that’s over.” Dipper stated.

“Greg!” Wirt yelled. “You could have gotten killed! Please never do that ever again!”

“Alright, Wirt. I won’t do anything like that again.” Greg agreed. “It was pretty scary after all.”

“Then why would you do it, you idiot.” Wirt went up and hugged Greg, and Greg hugged him back.

“Okay, so now that we are all alive and well after that,” Dipper began. “We need to figure out why that happened.”

“But don’t weird things like that happen all the time in Gravity Falls?” Greg asked.

“Not like that.” Dipper shook his head. “This isn’t normal. Well, Gravity Falls normal. We had already defeated the Summerween Trickster years ago. It doesn’t make any sense as to why he would come back, especially where throwing a bunch of water on it is the only way to defeat it. Something is happening in Gravity Falls.”

“Are you going to be the one to figure that out?” Mabel asked.

“Of course! No one else is going to after all.” Dipper stated.

“How about we just go to the Mystery Shack for now. Maybe Stan and Ford stole some candy from frightened kids.” Mabel suggested.

“That sounds like a good idea.” Candy said.

“Maybe we could even have a sleepover!” Grenda offered.

“That sounds like a great idea!” Greg said. Wirt wondered how Greg could possibly have this much energy even after the event they just experienced.

“To the Mystery Shack then.” Dipper stated.

They all went to the Mystery Shack, where they saw Stan and Ford laughing and giving each other a high five while holding large bags of candy.

“You guys look tired.” Ford commented. “Come on in! We have plenty of candy to share.”

They went to the living room and sat down.

“What even happened?” Stan asked. “You guys look like you just defeated the Summerween Trickster again.” He laughed at his joke before glancing at all the looks the kids gave him. “What?”

“We did defeat the Summerween Trickster again.” Mabel said.

“It was even more terrifying than the first time we fought it.” Grena stated.

“What made it more terrifying?” Ford asked.

“It wasn’t made of candy.” Dipper explained. “Which means it wasn’t really the Summerween Trickster, which means that something bad is going on in Gravity Falls.”

“Oh dear.” Ford scratched his chin before starting to get up. “We need to solve this right away!”

“You can do that tomorrow, poindexter.” Stan ordered. “Right now, we should be having fun. We can just put in a movie and eat candy.”

“Alright, alright.” Ford submitted and sat down. “I’ll start doing research tomorrow.”

“Good. How about one of you kids put a movie in?”

“Alright.” Mabel said, picking a random movie and putting it in.

Wirt didn’t even register what she had put on. He was too tired. He soon fell asleep, his head landing on Dipper’s shoulder in the process.

Dipper was internally screaming. His brain was too awake from the puzzle of the Summerween Trickster to go to sleep, and now Wirt’s head was on his shoulder, thus making it absolutely impossible to function correctly.

Dipper glanced over to the sleeping Wirt. He should stop being so cute. Why was he so cute? Stop it.

Dipper was so caught up in thinking about how adorable Wirt was that he didn’t even realize when he closed his eyes and succumbed to sleep.

Chapter Text

“Dipper!” Mabel yelled at her brother, who was next to his mystery solving bulletin board and chewing on a pen.

“What is it, Mabel? I’m busy!” Dipper whined before going back to chewing on his pen.

“But this is super important!” Mabel said.

“What could be more important than figuring out what the Summerween incident was all about?” Dipper questioned. Mabel grinned.

“Gay marriage has been legalized throughout all of the fifty states!” Mabel exclaimed. Dipper looked surprised before smiling broadly.

“What? Really? This isn’t just a cruel prank?” Dipper asked.

“Nope! I even made sweaters for the two of us!” Mabel held up two sweaters, one that had the pansexual colors on it, while the other had the bisexual colors on it.

“This is amazing!” Dipper took the bisexual sweater and put it on. Mabel followed his lead by putting on her pansexual pride sweater.

“There’s going to be a pride parade today to celebrate!” Mabel then lowered her voice down to a whisper. “And I heard that Blubs is going to propose to Durland.”

“I can’t believe it! I’m so happy for them.”

“Come on! We need to get Grunkle Stan and Ford to come with us!” Mabel ran down the steps with Dipper closely following behind her.

“Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Ford! Guess what?” Mabel screamed into the household. She found Stan on his chair, watching some TV.

“What is it, sweetie?” Stan asked.

“Gay marriage has been legalized in all fifty states!” Mabel said.

“What? Really?” Stan sat up. “You aren’t just playing some kind of cruel prank on me, right?”

“Of course not! And I know you have a flag stashed away somewhere.” Mabel smiled. “There’s going to be a pride parade.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Stan stood up. “Let’s go!”

“First, we need to get Grunkle Ford.” Dipper stated. “I’ll go find him.”

Dipper went to the vending machine and punched in the code, opening it. He went inside to look for Ford.

“Grunkle Ford!” Dipper yelled into the room. Maybe he was in his research lab.

Dipper was right. He found his Grunkle leaning over piles of papers, looking like he had not slept in days.

“Uh, Grunkle Ford?” Dipper said, getting a little closer to his Grunkle.

“Ahh!” Ford screamed before seeing that it was Dipper. “Oh. It’s just you Dipper. I think I might have found out what is going on, but I can’t be completely sure yet.”

“What have you found?” Dipper asked.

“Well, I have reason to believe that the Summerween Trickster appearing has to do with Bill.” Ford said. “But I don’t exactly know how. I need more information. Have you found anything yet?”

“No, not really.” Dipper thought. “Though, the Summerween Trickster had a voice that was very similar to Bill’s. So, maybe he is possessing people from the mindscape? But that wouldn’t really make any sense because Bill has to make a deal with someone to possess them, and the Summerween Trickster couldn’t have done that because he was not technically alive.”

“That’s true.” Ford was pacing around the room.

“Dipper! Grunkle Ford!” Mabel yelled and entered the room. “Please tell me that you guys didn’t get distracted by the Summerween Trickster case.”

“But it is really important, Mabel.” Dipper said.

“That doesn’t mean you two dorks can’t take a break.” Mabel stated. “Come on. Let’s go to the pride parade.”

“What pride parade?” Ford questioned.

“Gay marriage has been legalized in all fifty states!” Mabel exclaimed, leading them into the living room, where Grunkle Stan was.

“I see that Mabel managed to get you two nerds out of there.” Stan commented, holding up a bisexual flag. “And don’t worry, Ford. I got a flag for you too.” Stan handed Ford an asexual flag.

“But what about the Summerween Trickster?” Ford asked.

“It’s not like taking a break will kill you, Ford. Maybe you might suddenly come up with something.” Stan said.

“Grunkle Stan is right! It’s kind of like when you’re taking a shower and then suddenly you are filled with inspiration!” Mabel exclaimed.

“I guess it would be nice to go to something other than look at my notes.” Ford pondered.

“Do you think that Wirt and Greg would want to join us?” Mabel asked.

“Maybe?” Dipper said. “I mean, there is a complete possibility of them wanting to go with us, but there is also the total possibility of them not wanting to go with us.”

“Let’s ask them!” Mabel exclaimed. “Grunkle Stan! Make sure that Grunkle Ford doesn’t go back to his work while we are gone.”

“I won’t. He’s worked himself to the bone already, what with testing out every single thing we found on our adventures for the past three weeks.”

“I’m not that bad.” Ford said.

“Yes, you are.” Stan stated as Dipper and Mabel left the Mystery Shack.

“What if Wirt is homophobic or something?” Dipper worried. “What if he hates me because he found out that I’m bisexual?”

“Dipper, Dipper.” Mabel sighed. “If he hates you because of that, then he’s a big dumb-dumb, and you should just stop talking to him.”

“What if he does accept the fact that I’m bi?”

“Then you two are still friends.” Mabel explained, as if it all was extremely simple.

“Is it really that simple?” Dipper asked.

“Yes. It really is that simple.” Mabel said. “And now we are here!” She knocked on the door. A gnome wearing both the red pointy hat and a crown answered the door.

“Oh, hello.” He said.

“Hi! I’m Mabel, and this is Dipper! We were wondering if Wirt and Greg were here.”

“Ah, yes. Mabel and Dipper. I’ve heard lots of good things about you two. I’m King Anthony, the Gnome King.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, your majesty.” Dipper stated, attempting to leave a good impression. The king laughed.

“You can just call me Anthony. As for Wirt and Greg…” Anthony turned into the house and yelled.

“GREG! WIRT! SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE HERE!”

Greg immediately came running, and Wirt came about a minute later.

“Dipper! Mabel!” Greg exclaimed.

“Oh, uh, hi, guys.” Wirt said, rubbing the back of his neck. “So, what are guys here for?”

“We were wondering if you guys would like to join us in the pride parade today!” Mabel said.

“The pride parade?” Wirt asked.

“Um, yeah. Gay marriage was just legalized throughout all of the fifty states, so…” Dipper stated. Why was he such a dork around Wirt? Why did it only happen sometimes? Why couldn’t he just talk to him confidently all the time?

“I wasn’t even aware that gay marriage was illegal in some places.” Wirt looked surprised.

“It’s still illegal in a lot of places.” Mabel said. “Which is why it is so awesome that it’s legal now in the country we currently live in.”

“Mabel? How come it’s illegal in a bunch of places?” Greg questioned.

“Because when people don’t understand something, they hate it.” Mabel explained.

“Why?”

“I have no clue. Now let’s go to the pride parade!” Mabel grinned.

“Yeah!” Greg exclaimed.

“Bye, Anthony!” Dipper said as they left.

“Goodbye, children.” The king said before going back inside his home.

“Okay, so, first things first, we need to get Grunkle Ford and Grunkle Stan.” Mabel stated. “I really hope Grunkle Ford hasn’t gone back to his work.”

“I understand why he works so much though.” Dipper replied. “He feels like he hasn’t got much time left, so he spends that time doing research and learning.”

“If he feels like he doesn’t have much time left, then he should spend it with family.” Mabel complained.

“Yeah!” Greg agreed. “Family is important after all.”

“I don’t know.” Wirt commented. “If he loves his work, then I think he should probably find some sort of balance between family and work.”

“I agree.” Dipper didn’t know what else to say. His mind just drew a blank as his stomach was assaulted with butterflies.

“Here we are, back at the Mystery Shack!” Mabel began to go inside. “Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Ford! We’re ready!”

They walked into Stan trying to pull Ford back from going into the vending machine.

“Ford! Stop it! You can do your dumb nerd stuff later!”

“Ford!” Mabel yelled. “Are you really just going to go back to work?”

“This is important!” Ford hollered back.

“Could you please come with us?” Mabel pouted and did puppy eyes.

“…I…” Ford sighed. “Alright. I’ll go with you guys.”

“Yay! To the pride parade!” Mabel screamed.

“I’m going to be honest here, Ford.” Stan started. “I really thought I was going to have to knock you out.”

“You, uh, wouldn’t really knock him out, would you?” Wirt asked.

“That’s debatable.” Stan responded.

“That’s nice to know.” Wirt mumbled to himself. Dipper’s family was so dangerous. Maybe, just maybe, Ford is the only one who doesn’t get himself into constant danger. Hopefully not. Wirt doesn’t think that he could handle anyone running into more danger. Or punching people. Or doing illegal things. Or, basically, anything that could potentially get them into trouble.

They got into town, where the mayor was making a speech.

“We got it!” Mayor Tyler shouted. The crowd cheered. “In celebration of this amazing day, we will be doing a pride parade!” Again, there was more cheering from the crowd.

Everyone was wearing or holding some sort of colorful flag. Suddenly, the crowd parted, and a circle was formed around two policemen.

“Durland, these years with you have been the best years of my life. All of the time I spend with you is always magical. So, if I may ask…” Blubs got down on one knee and opened a box with a ring in it. “Will you marry me?”

Durland was crying and tackled Blubs.

“Yes!” Durland shouted. “Yes, I will!”

The two policemen were grinning like mad as the crowd cheered even louder than they had for the Mayor’s speech.

“I’m so happy for them.” Mabel wiped away some tears.

“That was so sweet.” Greg rubbed at the tears that had begun to appear.

Even Stan was wiping away something that was in his eye.

“What are looking at me like that for? I’ve just got some dust in my eye!” Stan claimed.

“I’m sure you do, Grunkle Stan.” Dipper said.

“Don’t sass me like that.”

“I learned it from you.” Dipper defended.

“I know. I’m so proud.” Stan admitted, laughing.

“Congratulations to Durland and Blubs!” Mayor Tyler announced, his voice a little shaky from the crying he did. “What a great beginning to the pride parade! I couldn’t have thought of anything better myself! Now let the parade begin!”

People cheered as floats begun to move past the people. There seemed to be a float for every LGBT+ thing out there. Wirt had no idea how that was even possible with such a small town. Maybe it had something to do with how the floats were so small. Could they even be called floats? Why were floats even called that anyway? They don’t even float.

Right as the asexual float past, screaming came from the dinner. Wirt whipped his head around to see what was going on, only to see the entirety of the Pines family, as well as Greg, running towards the source of the screaming.

Again, why couldn’t any of them be a little bit more cautious before running headfirst into danger? Wow. He thinks that a lot, doesn’t he?

Wirt ran off after them. He stopped, huffing and puffing, once he found them.

“Could, could you guys, huff, at least show a little cautiousness before, huff, running headfirst into danger?” Wirt asked.

“The Pines Family! Thank god!” Lazy Susan came up to the Pines. “I desperately need your help!”

“Clearly!” Ford said. There was Lazy Susan’s spin machine that didn’t spin. It now had arms and legs and a mouth with sharp teeth and was terrorizing the citizens of Gravity Falls.

“Well, at least it is spinning now.” Dipper stated. “We should run and hide and figure out a plan.”

“Agreed!” Mabel exclaimed. The Pines Twins were just about to run off when Ford got out a gun and started shooting at the spin machine.

He hit a trash can and part of the diner before he managed to shoot the monster. Once he shot it, it reverted back into a normal spin machine.

“Well, that was kind of anticlimactic.” Dipper commented.

“Yeah.” Greg said. “That wasn’t nearly as exciting as the Summerween Trickster was.”

“I’m so glad that’s over.” Wirt stated. “I don’t think I could handle something as exciting as the Summerween Trickster again.”

“Lazy Susan, maybe you could explain to us how exactly this happened.” Ford said.

“I can do that! How about you guys have some lunch while I explain? Free, of course, because you saved me!” Lazy Susan lead them into the diner.

“I could, uh, fix the trolley, if that was important.” Ford offered.

“Really? That would be so nice of you!” She led them to a booth. “Sit here! I’ll get you guys some food.” With that, Lazy Susan went off into the kitchen.

“Well, that certainly was an interesting adventure.” Mabel commented.

“I wonder how that happened though.” Dipper said. “Hopefully Lazy Susan will be able to supply us with more information.”

“Why do you guys always run off into danger like that all the time?” Wirt asked. “You are going to give me a heart attack.”

“If anyone is getting a heart attack, it’s me.” Stan pointed a thumb at himself. “I am the oldest, after all.”

“That’s not true and you know it!” Ford yelled. “I’m the alpha twin!”

“You’re older than me by what? Five minutes? I’m still older than everyone else at this table anyways.”

“Here’s your food!” Lazy Susan came in with a plate a pancakes for all of them. “And you wanted to know what happened, right?”

“Yes, that is right.” Ford affirmed.

“So, I think it might of all started when I was visiting that Bill statue up there in the woods, see?” Lazy Susan started. “I heard rumors that, if you leave something next to the statue, state a wish out loud, and shake that statue’s hand, your wish will come true! Amazing, right?”

“Yeah, sure. Right.” Ford furrowed his brow.

“I decided to do it, just to see if it would work. I wished that my trolley would start spinnin’. And then, the next day, my trolley started spinnin’!” Lazy Susan smiled. “I was so happy! But then, towards the middle of the day, it suddenly grew arms and legs and teeth and started scarin’ my customers!”

“So, you believe that happened because you made a deal with Bill?” Ford questioned.

“If you want to call it a deal, then yeah! Again, thanks for saving me, and also offering to fix the trolley. Come back any time!” Lazy Susan manually opened and closed her eye. “Wink!”

Lazy Susan left their table to deal with other costumers.

Ford just sat there and didn’t touch his food while everyone else had begun eating. Wirt fiddled a bit with his fork before placing it down.

“Uh, Ford?” Wirt said. Ford glanced up. “Are you, um, are you alright?”

“Oh! Yes, I’m perfectly fine. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” Ford waved, but still didn’t touch any of his food.

“These pancakes are amazing!” Greg exclaimed. “Ford! Ford! Have you tried the pancakes yet?”

“Oh, uh, no.” Ford finally pick up his ford and knife, just enough to take a bite out of one of the pancakes. “You’re right! They are amazing!”

With that, Ford began to actually eat his meal, although slower than everyone else.

“So, Dipper, do you have any ideas as to what is going on?” Mabel inquired.

“I’m guessing it has something to do with Bill’s statue. But, how could he possibly make deals when he is just a statue?”

“Maybe he’s, like, possessing the statue or something.” Greg offered.

“But that would mean that he’s still alive.” Dipper took a bite of his pancake. “But he couldn’t be!”

“Yeah!” Stan agreed. “I don’t really remember much of what happened that day, but I know enough that he should be dead.”

“Anything is possible in Gravity Falls.” Ford deadpanned.

“Well, something is happening that allows Bill to make deals.” Wirt stated. “I’ve seen cults worshipping the statue when I go home sometimes, so maybe it has something to do with how many people are worshipping him.”

“That’s right!” Dipper exclaimed. “Bill gains power by making deals! The more people he makes deals with, the more powerful he gets!”

“I wonder who the first person to make a deal with the statue was.” Greg said. “Someone had to get the idea for it in the first place.”

“Maybe we should start by getting to the root of the problem first.” Wirt suggested. “Like putting up a sign that says ‘Don’t shake the statue’s hand.’”

“Do you really think that would work?” Ford asked.

“I don’t know for sure.” Wirt shrugged. “I, uh, guess it might be worth a try.”

“Hey, Wirt. When did you see the cults?” Greg questioned.

“When? I’m not really sure, but it was getting dark out.” Wirt answered.

“So the cults meet there during the night!” Dipper said.

“Well, duh.” Mabel rolled her eyes. “It would be pretty dumb to just meet up in broad daylight. Maybe we could put up neon, glowing signs!”

“Mabel, that would be incredibly expensive.” Dipper pointed out.

“Then we could put glow sticks on the signs instead.”

“I think I might have made glow sticks that last for fifty years at one point.” Ford said. “I haven’t figured out how to make them last longer though.”

“Why in the world would you make glow sticks that last for fifty years in the first place?” Stan inquired.

“Oh, well, that is kind of a long story, and I’m not sure if everyone actually wants to hear about it.”

“Tell us!” Greg pleaded.

“Yeah! I haven’t heard that story yet!” Mabel agreed.

“Alright, alright.” Ford smiled proudly. “I’ll start the story. So, I was in Dimension 386, running away from the space police and trying to find a place to hide.”

“How many of you have not been in jail or have police chase after you?” Wirt asked.

“Only you and Greg.” Stan said. “Now let my brother continue his story.”

“Right.” Ford coughed. “I was trying to find a place to hide. In the process, I found a family that desperately needed help. Now, it is worth explaining that, in Dimension 386, electricity is extremely expensive. Only the rich have it, but everyone else needed light as well, since they actually required light to survive.”

“What happens when they don’t get light?” Greg questioned.

“They get sick and die.” Ford explained. “Now, this particular family was extremely poor, but one of their children fell extremely ill. It is also important to say that there had been several storms over the last few days, so most people were sick and needed help. The only cure for being sick was a steady source of light, but the majority of people couldn’t afford that, as, like I said, electricity was a precious and expensive commodity that most did not have the luxury of having.”

“What did you do? Did you help them?” Greg looked upset at the way the story was going.

“Of course I did!” Ford proclaimed. “In return for keeping me safe from the space police, I began to create a light source that did not require electricity to operate. I created glow sticks. The first few prototypes only lasted a few days, but I eventually created glow sticks that would last for fifty years at a time. Because they were cheap, everyone began using them, and I was hailed as a hero.”

“What happened after that?” Greg smiled.

“I had to hightail out of their so that the space police wouldn’t catch me.”

“Oh.” Greg stated. “What did you do next?”

“I spent more time running away from the space police.” Ford responded.

“Do you have any other cool stories?”

“I do, but we need to get going if we want to complete those signs to keep people away from the statue.” Ford said.

“Oh, right!” Greg exclaimed. “I nearly forgot about that.”

“You’re right, Grunkle Ford.” Mabel admitted and stood up. “It’s time to make those signs. To the arts and crafts store!”

“Mabel, what do we need to go to the arts and crafts store for?” Dipper asked as they all left the diner.

“Dipper!” Mabel gasped. “I cannot believe you would even ask such a thing!”

“Well, why are we going to an art and crafts store?” Wirt inquired.

“The answer is clearly obvious! We need to decorate the signs, and I’m out of art supplies.”

I’m pretty sure you’re not-”

“Shhh! Irrelevant!” Mabel interrupted Dipper. “There is the craft store now!”

They all walked into the arts and crafts store. Mabel and Greg looked at anything that glittered, and Dipper and Stan went after them, leaving Wirt and Ford to just kind of stand there.

“So, uh…” Wirt stood there trying to think of a topic of conversation. “You’re not going to go off with the rest of them?”

“No. I think Dipper and Stan have it handled. Dipper is there to makes sure they don’t break anything, and Stan is probably only there to make sure that they get only the cheapest of items.”

“Alright.” Wirt ran out of conversation topics. What was he even supposed to talk about? What things were appropriate to talk about? Why couldn’t Mabel be done shopping already? Why was he the one to simply suffer in silence?

“So, what do you think of Mabel and Dipper?” Ford asked.

“What? What do I think of Mabel and Dipper?” Wirt played a bit with the edge of his cloak. “Well, Mabel is really nice, and I like her sweaters. She loves Greg, and Greg also loves her, as well as Dipper.”

“And what about Dipper?”

“Ah, Dipper? I, um, uh.” Wirt stuttered, his face tinted red. “I-I don’t really know. He’s pretty. PRETTY NICE! I mean pretty nice.” Wirt laughed. “And, um, he get himself into a lot of danger, but so does Mabel, and so do all of you. Like, stop. Stop getting into so much danger. You are all going to give me a heart attack. And, I’m rambling, aren’t I? Sorry! Sometimes I just open my mouth and words start spilling out, and oh god, I’m going to shut up now. Sorry.”

“It’s alright, kiddo.” Ford assured, smiling at Wirt. Wirt smiled back.

“Do you think they will be done anytime soon?” Wirt questioned.

“Not a chance in hell.” Ford answered.

“Ugh.” Wirt groaned. “This is going to take forever.”

“That’s likely.” Ford agreed. “Mabel would spend hours in here if we let her. Hopefully Greg will tire her out some.”

“Hopefully. Greg has just as much energy as Mabel does. I don’t know how either of them do it!”

“Maybe they actually get a proper amount of sleep every night.” Ford offered.

“Or maybe Mabel is just hyped up on Mabel Juice and gave some to Greg.” Wirt shuddered. “I hope not though.”

“I’m pretty sure it is not just the Mabel Juice.” Ford said. “I, myself, have drank the elixir known as Mabel Juice, and I didn’t go to sleep for days. Absolutely amazing, really. She could become an inventor! She doesn’t let me drink anymore though because I kept using it to do all-nighters.”

“Why would you even drink it in the first place?” Wirt inquired.

“Science.”

Wirt really was not sure what to comment to an answer like that. But, before he could respond with anything, he was knocked over.

“Ow!” Wirt yelled. He could feel another presence on top of himself. He opened his eyes and saw that the person on top of him was Dipper. He blushed.

Dipper was also pretty red. The two boys stayed like that for a few seconds before Dipper managed to stand back up.

“Ha, ha. Sorry about that.” Dipper rubbed the back of his neck. “Would you like some help up?” Dipper held out his hand.

“Thank you.” Wirt grabbed Dipper’s hand and allowed him to help him up. The two just stood there in silence for a few seconds before Mabel interrupted.

“I’ve got everything I need!” She shouted, dragging along Stan with Greg bouncing after them.

“Thank god. I thought I was going to have to stay here forever.” Stan stated, going up to the counter to pay for the goods.

“Same here.” Dipper whispered. This caused Wirt to giggle.

“Ford says it’s not the Mabel Juice.” Wirt muttered back.

“Ford just doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t know where Mabel gets all her energy.”

“Hey!” Greg exclaimed. “What are you two whispering about?”

“Pirates.” Dipper said immediately.

“Really? I love pirates!” Greg yelled.

“Yeah, but pirates aren’t as great as people think they were.” Ford said. “They are actually ruthless and without mercy. The plundered towns and cities with no regard for whom they were stealing from, or who they hurt in the process.” Ford put a hand on his chin. “You know, I met this one pirate who would kill people to feed a monster so that it wouldn’t eat her.”

“Oh.” Greg looked at the ground. “That’s kind of sad.”

“It’s time to go and make the signs!” Mabel exclaimed, leading the way out of the store. “Back to the Mystery Shack!”

“What about the pride parade?” Wirt asked.

“I’m pretty sure that’s over now.” Dipper explained.

“Oh. Well then. To the Mystery Shack then.”

They went back to the Mystery Shack. Wirt saw Soos going around doing tours while Melody was at the counter.

“Why is Soos wearing Stan’s hat?” Wirt questioned.

“Because Soos is the one who actually runs the Mystery Shack nowadays. Stan was only wearing the hat for a while because he missed running the Mystery Shack, so Soos let him take over for a while.” Mabel explained.

“Well, that was nice of him.” Wirt said. “Wait. If Stan hired me, and he doesn’t actually run the place, do I still work here?”

“Well, yeah. Soos trusts Stan’s judgement, so if Stan decided to hire you, then Soos would approve as well.” Dipper answered.

“Let’s get started on those posters!” Greg shouted. Mabel and Greg ran up into the attic, leaving the rest of them to catch up.

Once they had gotten up the attic, Mabel and Greg were already pulling out poster paper and writing and drawing on it.

“Guys! Do you want to help?” Greg asked.

“Sure.” Wirt said. Soon, the rest of them were making signs and having fun decorating them with ribbons and glitter and glow sticks.

“Make sure the signs have enough glow sticks so that you can read the message at night.” Ford advised.

“You got it!” Dipper replied, putting several glow sticks on the poster he was working on.

They worked like that for a while until they were finished with all of the posters.

“And we’re done!” Mabel declared. “Now we just have to put them up!”

“Ugh. What time is it?” Stan asked.

“It’s not even dark yet!” Mabel answered.

“I think it is probably going to get dark soon though.” Dipper said. “So we should probably put them up quickly.”

“Then we have no time to lose!” Ford stood up and began rushing out of the Mystery Shack.

“Can you guys do it?” Stan asked. “I’m just going to stay here.”

“Alright, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel hollered. “I love you!”

“Love ya’, too, pumpkin.” Stan yelled back. “Keep those kids safe, Ford!”

“Don’t worry! I will!” Ford affirmed.

“And don’t interact with the statue!” Stan advised.

“We won’t!” Dipper hollered as they left the Mystery Shack and went towards the area of the statue.

“Here we are!” Mabel began putting up posters along with the rest of them.

The posters all said things such as ‘Don’t touch the statue!’ or ‘Bad things happen when you touch the statue!’ All of the posters accompanied by drawings of the statue or several ribbons hanging from it.

“And, we’re done!” Mabel announced.

“Greg and I should go home now.” Wirt said. “It is beginning to get dark, after all.”

“Alright.” Mabel stated. “Stay safe.”

“Yeah. I heard there were cults out here.” Dipper joked. Wirt laughed.

“See you, guys.” Wirt walked away with Greg.

“What do you think we will have for dinner tonight?” Greg asked.

“I don’t know. Probably something. Maybe we will have some turkey.” Wirt answered.

“Oh boy! That would be awesome! I love turkey!”

“You’re going to find out what we are having soon, anyways. Why question it now when you will find out later?” Wirt inquired.

“Because it’s fun to question things.” Greg answered as they reached their home. Wirt opened the door.

“Dad? Are you home?” Wirt asked. A faint yes could be heard from the dining room. Wirt turned towards Greg.

“I hope dinner only just started and we didn’t miss too much of it.”

“I hope so, too.” Greg agreed. “So, let’s go!”

“Hey, Dad.” Wirt greeted as he walked into the dining room.

“Hello, Dad!” Greg sat down at the circular table they ate at. Wirt followed his lead and sat down as well.

“Hello, sons.” Anthony said. “You’re just in time for dinner. Let me just go get it.” He got up from the table and came back with the food.

“You were right, Wirt!” Greg grinned. “We do get turkey for dinner tonight!” Greg wasted no time and began consuming what he had put on his plate.

“So, how was your day?” Anthony asked, taking a bite of his own food.

“It was good.” Wirt responded.

“We went to the pride parade, and then we had lunch and went to an arts and crafts store!” Greg said.

“I’m glad you guys have fun.” Anthony smiled. “By the way, Wirt. I have a question about Silva Salto to ask you.”

“What is it?” Wirt really hoped he wouldn’t say anything about getting a mate for the dance, and he definitely hoped that his father wouldn’t say anything about Dipper.

“Have you found a mate for the dance, yet?” The King asked. “You still have time to find one, but I would like to know if you have found anyone who could potentially be with you.”

“I, um, well…” Wirt stuttered. “I, I haven’t really found anyone yet, no.”

“How about that person you two went to the pride parade with?” The King suggested. “What was his name again? Dopper?”

“It’s Dipper.” Greg corrected. “And I totally think that Wirt should ask him to go with him to Silva Salto.”

“What! Greg! I can’t do that!” Wirt yelled. “That would be completely embarrassing, and I don’t even know if he likes me back!”

“Well, you don’t have to ask him immediately to go Silva Salto with you.” Anthony said. “You could ask him to take a walk in the forest with you or something small like that.”

“I don’t think I could ever be prepared to ask him on a date with me.” Wirt admitted.

“Well, then go somewhere as friends first.” The King offered.

“But Wirt has already done that a bunch of times!” Greg said.

“Then maybe you could write something and give it to him.” The King recommended.

“I’ve already tried doing something like that.” Wirt thought for a moment. “I panicked and failed. But, I guess I could try again.”

“That’s the spirit.” Anthony smiled.

“Yeah!” Greg yelled. “I know for a fact that you will be able to do it!”

“Of course I will.” Wirt smiled weakly before leaving the table and going to his room.

He removed his hat and cloak and got out a piece of paper and a pen. He sat there for a few minutes thinking.

Wirt groaned and ran his hands through his hair.

“How am I going to do this?”

Chapter Text

“Greg, are you sure this is even going to work?” Wirt fiddled with the piece of paper he spent the last few days stressing over.

“Wirt, I know for a fact that this is going to work!” Once again, Greg’s optimism baffled Wirt. Was he ever that positive about life?

“I don’t know. Maybe this was a bad idea.”

“Impossible! It’s a great idea. And also you can’t back out because you have to go to work anyways.” Greg stated.

“That just makes it more terrifying.” Wirt looked at the building in front of them, thinking that it looked ten times more intimidating, just looming above and judging him for what he was planning on doing.

Wirt probably would have just stood there doing absolutely nothing if Greg hadn’t started dragging him towards the Mystery Shack.

“Come on, Wirt! I know you can do it!”

Almost too quickly, in Wirt’s opinion, they went into the Mystery Shack.

“Oh, hi!” Greg greeted the person at the counter. “I haven’t seen you before. What’s your name?”

“I’m Melody.” She laughed. “And what’s your name?”

“I’m Greg and this is my brother, Wirt!”

“So what are you guys doing here?” Melody asked.

“We are on a mission to find Dipper.” Greg said. “Wirt wants to give him a love letter, but shhh. It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

“I’ll be sure to keep my lips sealed then.” Melody smiled. “He might be up in the attic. You could try looking in there first.”

“Alright! Thanks!” Greg started dragging Wirt upstairs. Wirt made sure to say thank you to Melody before he was dragged along by Greg.

When the brothers got to Dipper and Mabel’s room, they were nowhere to be found.

“Hmm.” Greg put his hand on his chin. “I wonder where they could be.”

The two looked around for a while. Greg was still determined as ever, but Wirt was starting to get nervous. Who was he kidding? He was nervous the entire time. The fact still remained that giving Dipper that piece of paper would end horribly, and he should most definitely not give Dipper the item.

Eventually, Greg heard voices that sounded like the Pines family.

“Wirt! I think I hear them!” Greg pulled Wirt towards the place the voices were coming from.

“The vending machine?” Wirt questioned. “I don’t think they would be there.”

“Maybe it’s a secret door, and you have to push the buttons.” Greg started pressing the buttons randomly.

“Greg, I really don’t think-” Wirt was interrupted by the vending machine opening like a door. “I stand corrected.”

“Come on, Wirt.” Greg whispered. “Let’s go before anyone notices the secret door!”

“Why would that even matter?” Wirt asked as he followed Greg down some stairs.

“Because then it wouldn’t be a secret anymore!” Greg replied.

“Okay, but-” Wirt stopped talking once they had found the Pines family. Messing around with what looked like fireworks.

“Hey!” Greg shouted. The Pines family all looked at Greg with wide eyes.

“How did you even get in here?” Ford asked.

“Greg.” Wirt answered.

“You’re going to have to elaborate a bit on that.” Stan said.

“Well, I thought that the vending machine might have been a secret door, and it was!” Greg grinned.

“Still. You had to put in a code.” Dipper pointed out.

“Oh. Yeah. I just started putting in the letters of the alphabet.” Greg stated. “But since there were only eight buttons, I ended up just pressing all the buttons for ‘A’, and then ‘B’ would be the same thing. And then, when I got to ‘C’, the door didn’t open, but I thought that maybe a smaller ‘C’ would work, and it did!”

“That is probably the most bizarre thing I have heard all day.” Dipper said. “And I’ve been experimenting with rocket fuel and gunpowder.”

“What are you guys even doing?” Wirt questioned.

“Making fireworks.” Ford replied. “It is the Fourth of July, after all.”

“That doesn’t sound safe.” Wirt said.

“That’s what makes it fun!” Mabel exclaimed.

“Can I help?” Greg asked.

“No.” Wirt immediately said. “That is extremely dangerous. Why do I hang out with any of you? You are all bad influences.”

“Hey!” Stan yelled before thinking for a moment. “That may be true, but at least we’re not all a bunch of squares.”

“You are making fireworks!” Wirt shouted. “In what way does that have anything to do with not being a square?”

Stan shrugged and just went back to making fireworks.

“How is any of this safe?” Wirt wondered out loud.

“Oh, it’s fine.” Mabel insisted. “Grunkle Ford is here. He’s a scientist, so he knows all about safety.”

Right as she said that, part of Ford caught on fire.

“Ahhh!” Ford yelled, attempting to pat out the fire that had started on his trench coat. He started rolling around to put out the fire before Dipper got out a fire extinguisher and sprayed the fire.

“Thank you, Dipper.” Ford said, going back to making the fireworks.

“You’re welcome, Grunkle Ford.”

“…Okay, so we have Dipper.” Mabel corrected herself.

“I’m not sure if I trust Dipper of all people to keep the environment safe.” Wirt rubbed his eyes. “Okay. Who in here hasn’t gone to some type of jail?”

“I haven’t.” Ford said. “I may have been chased by bounty hunters, but I have never once been to jail.”

“Why were you even being chased?”

“For reasons I would rather not disclose.” Ford just went back to working on fireworks.

“Okay, so maybe we’re not exactly the most moral of people…” Mabel started. “But, we are able to do anything we set our minds to! Even if it is extremely dangerous.”

“Oh yeah!” Greg shouted. “That reminds me! Wirt, you need to give Dipper that thing!”

“What thing?” Dipper asked, looking directly at Wirt. Wirt could feel his face get hot, and he put the piece of paper behind him, so that no one would see it.

“What thing? There’s no thing. I have nothing!” Wirt tugged at his collar. “I should probably go to work now. Bye!”

Wirt absconded as fast as he could. Well that could have gone better.

“Oh. Hi, Melody.” He greeted.

“Hey! Sorry, I forgot your name. What was it again?” Melody asked.

“It’s Wirt.”

“Wirt! Thanks.” Melody whispered ‘Wirt’ to herself a few times before going back to talking to Wirt. “So, did you find Dipper?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“How did it go?”

“Horribly.” Wirt answered. “I panicked and wasn’t able to give it to him.”

“Well, that probably isn’t the worst thing that could happen.” Melody reassured.

“I guess not.” Wirt sighed. “But it could have gone better.”

“You just have to get up the courage to do it.” Melody advised.

“How do I even do that though?”

“You need to prepare yourself for it, I guess.” Melody suddenly laughed. “I’m not really that good at this romance stuff. You just kind of go with the flow.”

“Why is having a crush on someone so hard?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” Melody patted Wirt on the shoulder.

“Wirt!” Greg screamed as he came up behind Wirt.

“Ahhh!” Wirt jumped before turning around to see Greg. “You have got to stop doing that.”

“Sorry.” Greg apologized. “But Dipper said that we could join them in firing the fireworks they made!”

“Are they sure that it is safe to do that?” Wirt asked.

“They said they had been doing it for years, so I would say that it is probably more or less safe.” Greg answered.

“Is that supposed to make me worry less?”

“Yes.” Greg responded. “What are you going to do at work today?”

“Uh, I don’t know.” Wirt scratched his head. “I’m going to need to find Soos.”

“Alrighty. You do that. I’m going to go back into the vending machine.” Greg went off and opened up the vending machine to go to where the Pines family was.

“I’m back!” Greg greeted. “Hey, Dipper. Why is your face red?”

“What? My face isn’t red.” Dipper denied. He wasn’t about to tell Greg that his family had been teasing him about his crush on Wirt.

“If you say so.” Greg crossed his arms and looked suspiciously at Dipper. Dipper shrunk down and tried to make himself seem smaller.

“So, uh…” Dipper tried to find another topic of conversation that he could use to avoid the awkward conversation. “Did you figure out a power for that magical tiger yet?”

“Oh! That!” Greg exclaimed. “I almost forgot about that. I’m not really sure what powers he has, but I like the idea of him having a partner. I also like Mabel’s opposite powers idea.”

“I’ve always like the idea of having a character with destructive powers that are used for good.” Ford said.

“I really like that too, but I can’t use bad luck and good luck because The Miraculous Ladybug has already done that, so I need to think of something else.” Greg’s eyes suddenly lit up. “How about the magical tiger can grow super big and huge and then his partner can become really tiny?”

“That sounds like a great idea!” Mabel exclaimed. “But what will their names be?”

“Oh, I, hmm. I don’t know.” Greg shrugged.

“Daric? Uh, Carlos?” Dipper offered.

“Nah.”

“How about Armstrong or Rick?” Ford suggested.

“Those don’t sound right.” Greg frowned.

“How about something like Allen?” Mabel proposed.

“I like that name.” Greg said. “But does it really suit him?”

“Well, I feel like you would need a better grasp on what kind of character he is.” Ford stated.

“Wow. This character making thing is hard.” Greg complained.

“Which is exactly why we should appreciate anyone who creates their own characters.” Dipper said.

“By the way, where did Wirt go?” Stan asked.

“Oh. He said he needed to get to work.” Greg replied.

“And here I thought we could all have a nice conversation with him.” Stan glanced at Dipper.

“What?” Dipper yelled.

“You know exactly what.” Stan insisted.

“No? I don’t?” Dipper tilted his head. “That’s why I asked what.”

“Mabel! How about you tell him?”

“I can’t tell him if I don’t know what it is.” Mabel frowned.

“Okay then. Ford! What about you?”

“Not a single one of us knows what you are talking about, Stan.” Ford pointed out.

“Right.” Stan scratched his head.

“What are you talking about?” Greg questioned.

“That’s a great question!” Stan shouted. “Dipper should totally go out there and work.”

“What?” Dipper hollered. “I don’t want to work.”

“Well you should go and, you know…” Stan glanced at Mabel. “You know…”

Mabel suddenly lit up with understanding.

“Oh! Yeah! Dipper. You should totally go work now. Right, Ford?”

“Uh…” Ford stuttered. He scratched his chin. “I mean, I guess he can.”

“You have no idea what we’re talking about, do you Ford?” Stan asked.

“Uh, no. Not really.” Ford admitted.

“Wirt is working right now.” Mabel said.

“Alright. Bye. I’m gone off to work.” Dipper immediately ran out. Was any of that really necessary though?

Dipper slowed down right before he got to the exit. Shouldn’t he have some sort of plan to woe Wirt in mind? Maybe he could come up with something later.

He opened the vending machine slightly and looked around before exiting and closing the door. You could never be too careful after all.

“Hey, Melody.” Dipper greeted.

“Hiya, Dipper. Whatcha’ doing?”

“I’m trying to find Wirt.” Dipper explained.

“I think Soos has gotten Wirt to do a few repair jobs around the place.” Melody said. “So, I guess you could just look around at all the places something might be broken.”

“Thanks, Melody!” Dipper was about to go off and look for Wirt, but Melody stopped him.

“Any reason why you are looking for Wirt?” Melody asked. “You know, he was looking for you earlier.”

“Was he? What for?” Dipper questioned, completely dodging the question Melody asked him.

“He said he had something to give you.” Melody stated. “You didn’t answer my question, but I wouldn’t press for answers if you don’t want to tell me.”

“Something to give me?” Dipper inquired. “What was it?”

“I’m not really sure.” Melody put her hand on her chin. “I guess you’ll just have to ask him yourself.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Dipper left to go look for Wirt.

As he was looking around, he wondered what he was even doing. Why was he looking for Wirt? He didn’t have any sort of plan or anything. Well, no. That’s a lie. He had plenty of plans that he created, but he scraped them because they would never work. That, or he chickened out before he could execute the plan. Or he was in the middle of a plan and something went wrong so he had to abort. Or-

Long story short, he had plenty of plans that had failed for one reason or another. He just couldn’t find one that actually worked. He knows that he should probably do Mabel’s plan of not having a plan, but how in the world is he supposed to do that? That’s like going to war without a strategy! You are going to get yourself killed if you do that!

Dipper sighed and continued looking for Wirt. He couldn’t find him anywhere. He looked anywhere he remembered something broken being there. Well, there was one place that had something broken that he hadn’t looked yet.

Dipper climbed up to the roof. He found Wirt attempting to put the ‘S’ back on the Mystery Shack.

“Oh my god. You’re attempting it.” Dipper found himself saying.

Wirt jumped, causing the ‘S’ to fall back down. At least it only fell onto the roof and not all the way to the ground.

“You scared me.” Wirt laughed.

“Sorry about that.” Dipper apologized. “But how is putting on that ‘S’ going for you?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s going pretty well. Except for the fact that it won’t stay on.” Wirt deadpanned.

“Do you want any help?” Dipper asked.

“That would be nice.” Wirt smiled. Dipper’s stomach filled with butterflies at that smile. It was just so radiant and genuine and Dipper was being stabbed by Cupid’s arrow, but instead of an arrow, it was a knife. And that metaphor honestly made no sense at all, and Dipper decided he should probably never write poetry.

Dipper began helping Wirt with the sign.

“So why exactly did you guys start making fireworks?” Wirt questioned.

“Because it’s the Fourth of July, and we are the Pines family.” Dipper answered.

“Yes. Because that answers so much.” Wirt said.

“Because we wanted to make fireworks to set off during the night.” Dipper elaborated.

“What exactly is the point of having fireworks and setting them off?”

“Well, it is supposed to be part of a holiday to celebrate freedom, but I really just think it is fun.” Dipper explained.

“What about setting off potentially dangerous fireworks is fun?” Wirt inquired.

“The dangerous part.” Dipper grinned.

“I nearly forgot that you and your family are all obsessed with getting yourselves into danger.” Wirt paused. “Oh, wait. No, I didn’t. Because you guys go off into danger every five seconds.” Wirt lightly bonked Dipper on the head.

“Ow.” Dipper said. “Your words wound me.”

“I think the actual wounds you get on your dangerous adventures wound you.” Wirt pointed out.

“You got me there.” Dipper hammered a nail into the ‘S’. “Do you actually think this is going to work?”

“If the curse is still in place, then no. I have absolutely no hope that this is going to work.”

“I wonder how the curse will be lifted.”

“With a kiss of course.” Wirt laughed. “Or, at least, that’s how they always lift curses in movies and stuff. With true love’s kiss.”

“That is true. But isn’t that kind of cliché?” Dipper asked.

“Maybe a little. Any other ideas of how the curse could be lifted?”

“Maybe all of us are just unlucky, and one day, one of us gets a lucky charm that magically gives us lots of luck. And then one day we attempt once more to get the ‘S’ back on, and it miraculously stays on that time.”

“What if one of us has to have a kid before it will stay on?” Wirt suggested.

“And give the first borne child to a witch? No, thank you!” Dipper shook his head.

“Witches aren’t nearly as bad as people make them out to be.” Wirt stated. Dipper gave him a look. “Okay, so are sometimes not good people. But the majority of them are nice. It’s just that the bad ones leave larger impressions.”

“Once a witch stole Grunkle Stan’s hands because he stole a watch from her.”

“That sounds like The Hand Witch.”

“Is she seriously called that?” Dipper questioned.

“Well, probably not, but that is what people call her.” Wirt said. “Did you know she has a boyfriend now?”

“Really? I mean, we did help her out after she stole Grunkle Stan’s hands, but really?”

“Yeah. Or, at least, that’s what I have heard.” Wirt hammered another nail into the ‘S’. “The gossip you hear in the forest isn’t always the most accurate.”

“Well, I hope she does. Then she won’t try to steal anymore people’s hands simply because she is lonely.”

“I hope so, too. There are plenty of gnomes who have fallen victim to her hand stealing.”

“There were a lot of hands in there last time I went there.” Dipper said. “How many people do you actually think get their hands back?”

“Probably not that many.” Wirt answered. “It’s not like a lot of people actually have the energy and determination to climb up the mountain where the Hand Witch lives.”

“Clearly we are different.”

“Clearly.” Wirt rolled his eyes. The two worked in silence for a while before Dipper broke it.

“So, how’s it been going the past few days?”

“Oh, you know.” Wirt began. “Same old, same old. Get up, take care of the graves, and go to work. Greg’s birthday is in two days. He’s pretty excited about that.”

“I actually completely forgot about that.” Dipper frowned. “What do you think I should get him?”

“Honestly, I think he would be happy just to get a gift from you.” Wirt said. “He likes his birthday because of the time he spends with his friends, not just the gifts. Though presents are always a nice bonus.”

“What did you decide to get him?” Dipper asked.

“Oh, well, I was walking around the forest one day, trying to think of what to give Greg. And then I found a small shop near the river. So I thought,” Wirt waved one of his hands around. “Why not go in? And so I found a frog plush that reminded me of Greg, so I was just like ‘This would be perfect for Greg!’ And I bought it.”

“That does seem like it would suit Greg.”

“Yeah. He loves frogs and stuff. I’m not really sure why. Maybe it’s because his best friend is a frog person. Jason is pretty nice, I guess.” Wirt gave a confused face. “I think frog people get to choose their own names because Greg kept calling him a bunch of different things. Let’s see…” Wirt started counting on his fingers. “There was Kitty, George Washington, Skipper, Ronald, Doctor Cucumber…”

“Those are some pretty weird names.” Dipper commented.

“Oh, yeah. Those aren’t even the weirdest ones.” Wirt said. “I think the weirdest one must have been Jonathan Livingston Applesauce.”

“Really.”

“Really. There was also Benjamin Franklin, Greg Jr., Wirt, and Wirt Jr.” Wirt ended. “There might have been a few other ones, but I don’t really remember them. I do know he finally decided on Jason Funderburker.”

“He really thought of Wirt and Greg Jr. as names?” Dipper questioned.

“Yeah. He really likes me for some reason.” Wirt put another nail into the ‘S’. “Do you think we are done here? Or does it need more nails?”

“I don’t think it would hurt to put in a few more.” Dipper said as he hammered yet another nail into the accursed ‘S’.

“I wonder if it will actually stay up this time.”

“Just watch us leave for five seconds.” Dipper stated. “We will come back and boom! It’s gone off again. You think after what? Three years of trying to put it back on it would have by now, but no. It had to just be super mean and fall down over and over.” Dipper stuck his tongue out at the ‘S’, which promptly decided to fall down.

“You were mean to it, and that is why it fell down again.” Wirt reasoned. The two glanced at each other before bursting out in laughter.

“What are you two dorks laughing about?” Mabel had come out to the balcony.

Dipper pointed towards the fallen ‘S’.

“Did you try and fix the ‘S’ again?” Mabel asked.

Dipper nodded, still laughing. Dipper and Wirt tried to breathe to stop laughing, and they stopped for a few seconds. Then they started laughing again.

“What are you guys laughing about?” Greg came out behind Mabel.

“The, the ‘S’.” Wirt guffawed. “It, uh, fell down a-again.”

“I don’t see how that is funny.” Greg deadpanned. “Could you explain?”

At this point, Dipper and Wirt were breathing hard from the laughter.

“Dip-Dipper. Ha.” Wirt puffed out. “He, uh, called the ‘S’ mean, and then, then.” Wirt was overcome by another case of the giggles.

“It fell down!” Dipper blurted out.

“That is kind of funny.” Greg giggled.

“Pfff. You two are complete dorks.” Mabel rolled her eyes. “Now, I’ve got a bunch of fireworks, and Grunkle Stan and Ford are coming with more.”

“I brought some more fireworks!” Stan yelled.

“Speak of the devil!” Mabel said as both Stan and Ford went up onto the balcony.

“Who’s ready to fire these up into the sky?” Ford asked.

“I am!” Mabel immediately took one of the fireworks and set it off into the air. The firework colored the sky with bright pink.

“Don’t fireworks usually make really loud sounds?” Greg questioned.

“Oh, yes. They do.” Ford answered. “I just made these ones silent because the normal ones sound too much like gunfire.”

“I think I like the silent ones better than the loud ones.” Greg said, before grinning broadly. “Can I shoot one next?”

“Of course.” Ford gave one of the fireworks to Greg.

“Are you completely sure that it is safe for Greg to handle those?” Wirt inquired.

“Of course it’s safe, Wirt!” Greg said. “Mabel did it.” Greg shoot off the firework, and it brightened the heavens with its light green hue.

“My turn!” Dipper yelled as he took another one of the fireworks and set it off. This one wasn’t so much of an explosion as a sprinkling of blue light that seemed to imitate the stars.

“Woah.” Greg stared up in awe. “That one was really pretty.”

“Me next!” Stan shouted as he shoot off a firework, illuminating the sky with a large red explosion of color.

“Looks like it’s my turn.” Ford turned to Wirt. “Unless you want to go before me.”

“No, no.” Wirt shook his head. “You can go first.”

“Alright.” Ford set off one of the fireworks. This one didn’t so much as explode as it did glow white before fading into the darkness.

“How did you get that one to do that?” Greg questioned. “That one was really cool.”

“It was pretty cool.” Ford said. “Let’s have Wirt fire one off, and then I will teach you how to make those kinds of fireworks.”

“That would be so awesome!” Greg exclaimed.

“Are you completely sure that it would be safe?” Wirt inquired, both referring to the fireworks and Ford offering to teach Greg how to make fireworks.

“Probably.” Ford stated.

“It’s Wirt’s turn to set off a firework!” Mabel handed Wirt one of the fireworks.

“I’m not so sure this is safe.” Wirt said.

“It’s really not that bad.” Dipper went up to Wirt to help him set it off. “See? You just have to-”

The firework went off and lit up the sky with orange.

“That one was the brightest one yet!” Greg commented.

Dipper glanced at Wirt and seemed to realize how close he was to him. He quickly backed off, completely red in the face.

“Sorry about that.” Dipper scratched the back of his head.

“It’s fine.” Wirt responded, suddenly feeling the weight of the piece of paper that sat in his pocket.

“Do the next one!” Greg hollered.

They all took turns shooting off fireworks, some of them being set off at the same time in a rainbow of colors.

Greg was commenting on how beautiful each and every single one of the fireworks. Mabel was shouting and saying how much chaos and destruction she was causing. Stan was yelling along with Mabel, and Ford was telling stories from his adventures in other dimensions. And, well, Dipper…

Dipper was staring at Wirt, who was looking up at amazement at the colorful lights that exploded in the sky. Dipper thought that Wirt looked absolutely gorgeous in those moments where he was coated in the bright, rainbow light that came from the fireworks. He thought that Wirt looked absolutely amazing with the way he was smiling at the sky.

Dipper barely noticed anything other than Wirt laughing at something someone else said when Wirt suddenly looked over to him.

Dipper blushed and looked away at the sky. He quickly glanced at Wirt again to see if he was still looking over at him. He wasn’t. Wirt went back to looking at the fireworks, and Dipper went right back to thinking about how amazing Wirt was.

“Mabel!” Greg suddenly shouted. “Did you know that it’s my birthday in two days?”

“What, really?” Mabel gasped. “You should have told me sooner. Then I could help you prepare a party!”

“Don’t worry. I’ve already got the party planned.” Greg smiled. “I even have invitations and everything! I was going to give them all out tomorrow.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun!” Mabel said. “What do you think, Dipper?”

“Huh? What?” Dipper was snapped out of staring at Wirt. “Oh, right. Yeah. That sounds like fun.”

“Did you even hear anything?” Mabel puffed.

“Of course I did!” Dipper insisted.

“What were we talking about then?” Mabel asked.

“Uh, you were talking about, about…” Dipper thought for a moment. “You were talking about Greg’s birthday!”

“You guessed it right!” Greg exclaimed.

“I didn’t guess at all!” Dipper proclaimed.

“It’s fine. I knew you weren’t listening. You were too busy staring at Wirt.” Greg said. Wirt went red and tried to cover his face.

“No, I wasn’t!” Dipper denied. “I was just, um. I just got caught up in watching the fireworks is all!”

“Sure you were.” Mabel rolled her eyes. “Hey, Greg. What are your invitations going to look like?”

“Well, Wirt helped me make them, so that ‘they actually made sense.’” Greg did quotations.

“You were going to write a bunch of nonsense on them!” Wirt defended, glad that the topic had changed from Dipper staring at him to birthday parties.

“Yeah, yeah. Well, they have these light green borders with fancy gold writing on them!” Greg described. “They are really awesome!”

“They sound really awesome!” Mabel grinned. “Don’t you agree, Grunkle Stan?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure, kiddo.” Stan answered.

“What about you, Grunkle Ford?” Mabel questioned.

“I believe those sound like suitable invitations. Maybe a little fancy, but they should get the job done.” Ford replied.

“Yeah, so we have the invitations all ready and done, and we are also going to have a piñata!” Greg explained. “It’s going to have so much candy in it! Infinite amounts of candy!”

“Or, at the very least, as much candy as we can stuff into it.” Wirt said.

“That too!” Greg laughed. “And, of course, we are going to have food! Because you can’t have a party without food!”

“A lot of times I just go to parties because of the food.” Dipper stated.

“Yes, because why actually interact with people when you can go off into a corner and eat the food.” Mabel deadpanned.

“I know, right?” Dipper exclaimed. “Why talk to people when you can eat? That’s what I always say!”

“That’s exactly what Ford over here used to do.” Stan commented. “He just stood in the corner, drinking punch, and attempting to work up the courage to go up to a few ladies, while I went out there and worked my charm!”

“Ha! Yeah. And completely failed.” Ford replied.

“Hey! At least I tried.” Stan shouted. “Don’t you always say that you are always going to fail if you don’t try?”

Ford opened his mouth, putting one of his fingers up before closing his mouth without saying anything.

“Yeah. I can do anything I set my mind to.” Stan declared, crossing his arms.

“I can do that too!” Greg commented. “I bet I could fly if I tried to do it!”

“Yeah, you probably could, but you would need certain materials.” Wirt pointed out.

“Like what?” Greg inquired.

“You would need stuff that would allow for safe flight. Like parachutes or maybe you could just build a plane.” Dipper explained. “You could also try gliding. It isn’t flying, but it is close enough.”

“I’m going to try and fly one day!” Greg proclaimed.

“Yeah!” Mabel agreed. “You do that!”

“If you need any help with that, I would be happy to assist you.” Ford stated.

“That would be great!” Greg said.

“Hey, how many fireworks do we have left?” Mabel asked.

“That was an abrupt change in topic.” Dipper remarked.

“Sure. But seriously. How many fireworks do we have left?” Mabel repeated.

“We still have a few left.” Ford answered.

“I just realized something.” Dipper suddenly said.

“What did you just realize?” Wirt questioned.

“Durland and Blubs have not shown up yet. Usually they come around and ask if we have a permit for firing the fireworks.” Dipper stated.

“Oh, yeah. You’re right.” Mabel replied.

“I bet they’re off preparing for the wedding.” Stan interjected. “I wonder when it’s going to be.”

“I can’t wait for their wedding!” Mabel shouted. “It is going to be amazing! I just know it!”

“Yeah. They seemed really great for each other.” Wirt commented.

“Just like you and-” Greg began to say before Wirt put his hands over Greg’s mouth.

“Ew! Gross!” Wirt immediately pulled his hands away. “Stop licking my hands.”

“Your fault for putting them over my mouth.” Greg stuck his tongue out.

“Hey, hey, Greg.” Mabel whispered, though it really wasn’t that quiet of a whisper because everyone else could hear her. “Are you ready to cause some more chaos with the fireworks?”

“Yeah!” Greg exclaimed, taking one of the fireworks and setting it off. This one was giant and exploded into a bunch of yellow light.

“You know,” Wirt began. “I have no idea how you guys have not set a single thing on fire yet.”

“Oh, no.” Dipper corrected. “We’ve set plenty of things on fire before. It has gotten us in trouble a whole lot.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Wirt face palmed.

“Setting things on fire doesn’t sound like a very good thing to do.” Greg said. “Fire is dangerous.”

“Well, fire can also be fun.” Mabel stated. “And it’s also really pretty.”

“Well, yeah.” Wirt said. “But that is only if the fire is controlled. Otherwise, it can get pretty scary.”

“Fire is definitely a difficult problem.” Ford interjected. “It is surprisingly difficult to make completely fireproof items. It’s kind of like attempting to make a bulletproof vest. Sure, there are bullet resistant vests, but nothing completely bulletproof.”

“So there’s no such thing as a bulletproof vest?” Greg asked.

“Sadly, no.” Ford answered. “But people are working on it.”

“Hey, guys!” Mabel exclaimed. “We only have one more firework left. Who wants to fire it?”

“I think Wirt should fire it.” Greg stated. “He hasn’t gotten to fire that many of them.”

“Do you want to, Wirt?” Mabel questioned.

“I guess.” Wirt really hadn’t fired that many fireworks. He wondered what this one was going to be.

“Here you go!” Mabel handed him the potentially dangerous firework. Wirt hoped that this one was not going to be the one to fail completely.

Wirt set off the firework. When it did, it looked kind of like stars, but they went downwards, leaving behind a blue colored trail.

“Woah.” Greg looked up at the sky in awe. “I think that one was the best one yet. It’s kind of sad that we are out of them.”

“It is.” Mabel agreed. “Which is why Stan needs to tell a joke.”

“What?” Stan shouted. “When did we go from fireworks to jokes?”

“Just tell a joke, Grunkle Stan.” Mabel said.

“Fine, fine. Just let me think of one.” Stan sat there for a minute. “Okay, okay. I got one. What did the pirate say when he turned eighty?”

“What?” Greg asked.

“Aye Matey!” Stan laughed. Everyone else sat there for a moment before getting the joke.

“That was a really dumb joke.” Dipper laughed.

“You’re laughing.” Stan pointed out, grinning.

“You shut your face, old man!” Dipper replied.

“Hey! Who gave you the right to talk to me like that?” Stan chuckled.

Wirt giggled at the two arguing like that. They were both smiling and trying to hold back their laughter. Eventually, they broke down into peals of laughter.

Wirt smiled at the sight of Dipper laughing so freely. Wirt put a hand over the pocket where the folded up sheet of paper with poetry was. Maybe someday. Wirt hoped that, when that day came, it would not ruin the friendship he had with Dipper.

Chapter Text

“Wirt! Wirt! Wirt!” Wirt was awoken by the sound of his brother’s screaming.

Wirt groaned as Greg opened the door to his room. Greg went up to Wirt and started shaking him.

“Wirt! Wiiiiiiiirrrrt! Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttttttt!” Greg yelled. “Wirt! Wake up!”

“Noooooooooo…” Wirt moaned. “I want to stay here forever.”

“You can’t do that, Wirt.” Greg declared. “You know why?”

“Why?” Wirt asked. His brain was still muddled from sleep.

“You have to guess!” Greg exclaimed.

“Why would you subject me to such torture?” Wirt inquired.

“Because it’s funny.” Greg deadpanned. He then started jumping up and down. “Guess! Guess! Guess! Guess! Guess!”

“Alright, alright. I’ll guess.” Wirt submitted. “Is the house on fire?”

“No, silly. The house isn’t on fire.” Greg said.

“Get that squared away. Is it Monday?”

“No! Well, it is, but you still haven’t guessed correctly.”

“Mondays are awful.” Wirt rolled back into the covers.

“Wirt!” Greg whined. “You still haven’t guessed. C’mon. Please? You have to guess.”

“Ahhhhhh.” Wirt groaned. “I think I might have to be more awake to guess correctly. Could you give me a hint of some sort?”

“I guess you can have one hint.” Greg lamented.

“Great. What’s the hint?” Wirt questioned.

“It is a very special day.” Greg stated.

Wirt tried to think of something, and, after a few seconds, he shot up out of bed.

“Greg! Happy birthday!” Wirt exclaimed.

“I knew you would get it right eventually!” Greg grinned. “Now come on, Wirt! We have to prepare the party!”

“Haven’t the gnomes already done that for you?” Wirt asked.

“Let’s go see what a great job they have done and thank them for doing it!” Greg corrected himself.

“Okay, okay. Just let me get dressed, okay? I’m still in pajamas.” Wirt gestured at the outfit he was currently wearing.

“Oh, yeah. Right. I’ll let you change.” Greg left the room for Wirt to change.

That didn’t stop Greg from whining about Wirt needing to go faster.

“Okay! I’m ready!” Wirt hollered once he had put his hat on his head.

“Yeah!” Greg cheered. Wirt exited his room, but stopped Greg before he could drag Wirt anywhere.

“Have you eaten yet, Greg?” Wirt inquired.

“No…” Greg admitted.

“Let’s go get some breakfast first, and then we can go to the party, alright?”

“Okay, Wirt.” Greg went off to get the two of them some food. He came back with a few fruits. “Here’s some food. Let’s eat quickly.”

“Alright, Greg.” The two ate breakfast, and, once they had finished, Wirt allowed Greg to drag him towards the area the party was going to be taking place at.

They stopped at one part in the forest. There were tables with plenty of food, as well as decorations prepared. Greg was going around thanking all the gnomes who had helped with the preparation.

“When do you think people will come to the party?” Greg asked Wirt after he had thanked all of the gnomes.

“Probably around when you asked them to come.” Wirt answered.

“Uugh!” Greg groaned. “But that is going to take so long!”

“You were the one who got up this early.” Wirt reasoned.

“I regret my decision.” Greg said. “Just kidding! I can do other fun things!”

“Like what?” Wirt asked.

“I can make flower crowns!” Greg declared. “Come on! I think there are still flowers left over from Flor Fiesta!”

“Are you sure those flowers haven’t died?” Wirt inquired.

“I guess that’s possible, but it doesn’t hurt to check.” Greg said. “Besides, I’m pretty mom’s grave needs more flowers.”

“Yeah. The flowers on her grave have probably died by now.” Wirt commented. The brothers went to where some flowers were.

The two picked the yellow flowers and made their way to their mother’s grave.

Wirt set the flowers he picked on the grave, while Greg sat beside him, making a flower crown.

“Hey, mom.” Wirt greeted. “Dad is still trying to get me to get a date for Silva Salto.”

“And Wirt is being really dumb about a crush!” Greg interjected.

“Greg!”

“What? It’s true!” Greg defended himself. “His name is Dipper, and he has a twin named Mabel. Can you believe it, mom? Twins!”

“Yeah. Twins. Mabel is pretty zany and weird. She seems to be pretty smart though. She likes making sweaters.” Wirt explained.

“I want to learn how to knit!” Greg said. “It sounds like it would be fun! I could make sweaters and blankets and mittens and scarfs and hats and even socks!”

“Of course.” Wirt smiled. “Oh yeah! And Dipper likes throwing himself into danger, though that seems to be more of a Pines thing than anything else. And he likes mysteries and puzzles. The other day, he was complaining about a puzzle he had been stuck on for a while. Then, while he was explaining it, he finally solved it, and he looked really happy, and it was really cute.”

“You really like him.” Greg commented.

“I-I guess.” Wirt scratched the back of his neck. “But, I don’t really think he likes me back.”

“Psh. That’s dumb.” Greg looked at the grave. “Look at your son. Look at him. He’s being dumb over a dumb crush.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with Mabel.” Wirt pointed out.

“I fail to see what you are talking about.” Greg finished up his flower crown and placed it on top of his mother’s gravestone. “I finished my flower crown!”

“I see that.” Wirt stated. “So, what else do you want to do?”

“Mmm.” Greg thought. “We could see how preparations for the party are going.”

“Greg. We literally just saw how the preparations were going. I don’t think it would be necessary to see them again so soon.”

“Too late!” Greg got up and brushed himself off. “I’m off to go see how the preparations are going.”

Greg ran off, leaving Wirt alone by the grave. He sighed.

“I worry about him a lot.” Wirt said. “I don’t think the Pines family helps with his habit of getting into dangerous situations.” He laughed. “I’m going to make sure he doesn’t get himself into trouble.”

Wirt got up and, as expected, Greg was checking up on the preparations again.

“How are the preparations going, Greg?” Wirt asked.

“They’re basically the same as when I asked last time.” Greg responded.

“That’s your own fault for asking again so soon.” Wirt stated.

“Ughhhh.” Greg groaned. “Why is this taking so long?”

“You just need to do something to keep yourself busy until the party starts. Like, meeting up with one of your friends beforehand.” Wirt suggested.

“But who?” Greg questioned.

“I don’t know. Maybe we could try finding Beatrice or something.” Wirt said.

“I wonder where she is right now.”

“Maybe she’s on an errand of some sort.”

“But what kind of errand?” Greg asked.

“I don’t know.” Wirt shrugged. “Some kind of errand.”

“That’s not very specific.”

“No, no. I guess it’s not.”

Greg started walking away from Wirt.

“Greg, where are you going?” Wirt asked.

“I’m going to go look for Beatrice.” Greg answered. “She has to be somewhere after all.”

“Do you have any idea of where to look first?”

“Nope!” Greg exclaimed.

“Well, how about we try seeing if she is at her house first.” Wirt suggested.

“That sounds like a good place to start. And we’ll get to see her family! We haven’t seen them in a while.”

“Huh. I guess we haven’t.” Wirt said as the brothers walked towards Beatrice’s house.

Greg banged on the door. Beatrice’s mother opened the door.

“Oh! What a pleasant surprise! I haven’t seen you two in a while.” She said. “I’m guessing you guys are looking for Beatrice, aren’t you?”

“Yep!” Greg answered. “Do you know where she is right now?”

“I think I vaguely recall her saying that she was going to be running some errands today.” Beatrice’s mother answered. “How about you both come in for some food? It is lunchtime after all.”

“We, we wouldn’t want to inconvenience you like that.” Wirt stated.

“Nonsense! I was the one who offered! Come in and have some food! I made sandwiches!” She insisted.

“What kind of sandwiches?” Greg asked as they went inside the house.

The two ate there as Beatrice’s siblings pestered them and gave them information about where Beatrice could possibly be.

Once the brothers had finished eating, the front door opened.

“I’m home!” Beatrice yelled. She entered the room where Greg and Wirt were. “Oh! Hey, Greg. Wirt.”

“Hey, Beatrice!” Greg greeted. “We’ve been looking all over for you!”

“Correction. We looked for you here, and your mother invited us to eat lunch.” Wirt said.

“Well? What did you need me for?” Beatrice questioned.

“We were bored.” Greg said.

“It’s nice that I’m needed for such an important task.” Beatrice deadpanned.

“There’s no reason to be sarcastic you know.” Wirt stated.

“There’s always a reason to be sarcastic.” Beatrice said. “Anyway, isn’t your party going to be starting soon, Greg?”

“Oh yeah! That’s right! I was so busy trying to find you that I almost forgot about my party!”

“Almost, right?” Beatrice said.

“Of course! I couldn’t just forget about my birthday party completely, after all.” Greg declared. “Come on, Wirt! We have a party to go to!”

“I’ll be there in a little bit.” Beatrice stated. “I just need to eat lunch first.”

“Alright! We’ll see you there!” Greg exclaimed as he dragged Wirt out of the house and towards the party.

“Who do you think will get here first?” Greg asked. He was bouncing around and grinning from ear to ear.

“Probably the gnomes. They are the closest to here after all.” Wirt responded.

“I mean besides the gnomes.” Greg whined.

“Jason Funderburker, I guess.” Wirt shrugged.

“I can’t wait until people start arriving. That’s when the really party starts, after all!”

“You will still probably have to wait a while. After all, people don’t really show up to parties until a little after what the time is on the invitation.” Wirt said.

“Waiting is boring.” Greg complained. “I already waited alllllllllllllllllllll morning! I don’t want to wait anymore. Besides! People should be showing up pretty soon.”

“Yeah. Oh! Isn’t that Jason over there?” Wirt pointed to a fairly large frog that was standing up on two legs and dressed in a suit.

“Jason Funderburker!” Greg yelled as he went to go greet his friend. Jason croaked in response.

“That joke was awful!” Greg claimed, despite his laughter.

Jason responded by croaking again, and the two continued their conversation.

“Hey.” Beatrice walked up beside Wirt. “Can you actually understand what Jason Funderburker says?”

“Not really.” Wirt whispered. “But apparently Greg can.”

“Apparently.” Beatrice copied. “So, how have you been doing?”

“I’ve been doing fairly well.” Wirt answered. “What about you?”

“It’s the same old, same old. Going to work, eating, sleeping, etc., etc.” Beatrice rolled one of her hands around a few times.

“I got a job at the Mystery Shack.” Wirt said.

“So I’ve heard.”

“Yeah. It was kind of really weird. Originally I got there and it was Stan running the Shack, but then I found out kind of recently that it was actually Soos who ran the Shack, and Stan was only doing it because he missed doing it.” Wirt explained.

“Wow. That sounds oddly complicated.” Beatrice stated. “How did you even get a job there in the first place?”

“I was talking to Dipper, and then he said he had to go to work, so I asked if I could go with him. When I got there, I just kind of worked with Dipper, and then Stan offered me a job.” Wirt elaborated.

“If Soos ran the Shack, then why would Stan give you the job?” Beatrice questioned.

“I don’t know. It was something about Soos trusting Stan’s judgement.”

“I guess that makes sense.” Beatrice stated. “Who do you think is going to be the next person to show up at the party?”

“How should I know?” Wirt asked.

“I have my bets set on the Multi-bear.”

“Why are we betting?” Wirt inquired. “And the Multi-bear lives on a mountain. If anything, he would probably be the last person to get to the party.”

“Yeah, but he’s never late to anything.” Beatrice pointed out.

“I mean, I guess, but still.”

“Well, who do you think is going to get to the party next?” Beatrice questioned.

“I don’t know. I guess Dipper and Mabel.” Wirt shrugged.

“I bet they are the last ones to show up.”

“What makes you say that?” Wirt asked.

“They seem like the sort of people to get really caught up into something and forget about something else and don’t realize it until a while has passed.” Beatrice explained.

“That doesn’t really make any sense. How would you know exactly what their habits are if you hadn’t really talked to them?” Wirt inquired.

“I may or may not spend way too much time with Stan.” Beatrice said.

“With Stan?”

“Yeah. I do a lot a business with him, speaking that he is one of the few people who will actually willingly sell something that might be slightly illegal.”

“What kind of business have you even been doing?” Wirt exclaimed.

“It’s only illegal if you get caught!” Beatrice defended.

“I think you’ve been spending too much time with Stan.” Wirt said. “Besides, you work for the King! You can’t just be doing illegal things! Even if you are supposed to be like, what? A secret agent or something?”

“Something like that.” Beatrice stated. “But you really don’t need to worry that much. I don’t do it that often.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Wirt questioned. “You don’t do it that often? It doesn’t matter how often you do it! It’s still illegal!”

“Oh, look! Isn’t that the Multi-bear?” Beatrice pointed to a large, multi-headed bear. “I told you he would get here first. Why don’t you two talk to each other?”

Beatrice promptly left Wirt.

“Prince Wirt!” The Multi-bear called. “I haven’t seen you in quite a while!”

“Y-yeah. I guess it has been quite a while.” Wirt said. “How have you been doing?”

“I’ve been doing pretty well!” Multi-bear stated. “What about you?”

“I’ve been doing pretty well, too.”

“How’s the kingdom been doing?” The Multi-bear asked. “You haven’t gotten into any wars or anything recently, right?”

“Not that I’m aware of.” Wirt responded.

“That’s good. A war would be bad. I’ve heard the tensions are still high with the Leprecorns. Has your father done anything about that yet?”

“I’m not entirely sure. I know that the Gnomes and Leprecorns hate each other, but I’m not sure what my father has done to help that situation.” Wirt sighed. “At least the Leprecorns don’t like fighting, so they just avoid the Gnomes as much as possible.”

“That’s good. Anything that isn’t politics that has happened recently?” The Multi-bear questioned.

“I ended up getting a job at the Mystery Shack.”

“Oh? How’s that?”

“It’s pretty good. I think my dad is just happy I’m doing something that is considered responsible for once, even though I don’t really have to do anything while I’m the prince.” Wirt complained.

“Does that bother you? The fact that you don’t really have to do anything?”

“Maybe a little.” Wirt admitted. “I don’t even have the slightest idea how to be the King of the Gnomes. I feel like I should at least learn something while I am the Gnome Prince.”

“Wirt! Wirt!” Wirt was suddenly attacked by Greg and his friends. Wirt ended up falling on the ground.

“What is it, Greg?” Wirt asked. “And could you guys get off me?”

“Sorry!” The children said as they got off of Wirt. Wirt got back up and brushed himself off.

“But we’re going to go break open the piñata!” Greg exclaimed.

“Is everyone here?” Wirt inquired.

“Well, no. Mabel and Dipper aren’t here yet, but everyone else is!” Greg stated. “But come on! Dad says we can’t open the piñata without someone older supper-visiting? Sup-supper-visering? Super-vissing?”

“Supervising?” Wirt corrected.

“Yeah! That!” Greg grinned triumphantly. “So come and supervise us, so we can hit the piñata!”

“Alright, alright.” Wirt was led by the hoard of children towards a horse-shaped piñata. “Now who wants to go first to hit the piñata?”

Jason Funderburker croaked and pointed towards Greg.

“I know I’m the birthday boy, but that doesn’t mean I have to have ALL the fun!” Greg countered. “Someone else can go first.”

A raccoon person waved their hand around.

“Alright, you can go first.” Greg handed the raccoon a bat, and the children helped put the blindfold on the raccoon.

“Okay, so you spin around three times, and then you get to hit the piñata!” Greg shouted as the raccoon spun around three times.

The raccoon went towards the piñata and gave it a big whack with the baseball bat. The children cheered as the raccoon hit the piñata again.

“Don’t you think that someone else should have a turn?” Wirt pointed out after the raccoon had hit the piñata a few times.

The raccoon nodded and took off the blindfold and gave the blindfold and bat to a deer that wanted to have a turn.

The process of hitting the piñata and taking turns continued until it was Greg’s turn.

Greg spun around three times and went towards the piñata and hit it as hard as he could. Candy spewed from the piñata as the children clapped and cheered and attempted to get as much candy as possible.

Greg quickly took off the blindfold to pick up the candy that fell to the ground.

“I’m sure this is the right place!” A voice yelled out as the children scrabbled to pick up the candy that was strewn on the ground.

“Mabel, we’ve been walking around for half an hour! Are you sure you’re not lost?”

Wirt saw Dipper and Mabel come out of the forest.

“See!” Mabel gestured towards the party. “I told you we weren’t lost!”

“Yes, because, obviously, wandering around the forest for thirty minutes means you aren’t lost at all.” Dipper said sarcastically.

“Oh, shush. I got us here, right?” Mabel pointed out. “Hey! Greg!”

“Mabel! Dipper! You guys made it!” Greg exclaimed. His arms were full of candy.

“Of course we did! We would never miss your birthday party!” Mabel stated.

“Though we did get lost.” Dipper said.

“He doesn’t need to know that!” Mabel complained. “Happy birthday, Greg!”

“Happy birthday.” Dipper grinned.

“Thank you!” Greg responded. “Wirt! Dipper and Mabel are here!”

“I can see that.” Wirt began to walk over to where the trio was, but tripped over a rock.

“Oof.” Wirt said as he fell.

“Wirt! Are you okay?” Dipper asked as he helped Wirt up.

“Y-yeah.” Wirt responded. He scratched the back of his neck as the two stood in silence until Greg interrupted.

“I’m going to open presents and then we’re going to have cake!” Greg exclaimed.

“Shouldn’t you eat some actual food first?” Wirt questioned.

“Desert first, actual food later!” Greg declared. The other children nodded and cheered in agreement.

“That reminds me!” Mabel held up a small blue box decorated with pink ribbon. “Dipper and I got you a present!”

“Ohh!” Greg took the gift from Mabel. “Thank you! I’m going to go put this with the other presents. Then I can open all of them at once!”

The children all ran over to a table covered with gifts of various sizes and shapes.

“Open mine first!” One of the children yelled.

“No, no! Open mine!” Another said. All the children were jumping up and down, excited to see what people had gotten Greg.

“Well, I can’t open all of you guy’s presents at once.” Greg complained. “I’ll just close my eyes and grab a random one.”

The children agreed that would be fair, so Greg closed his eyes and grabbed a small present that was wrapped in blue wrapping paper.

“Alright! This one is from…” Greg looked at the sticker on the present. “Charlie!”

Greg tore off the wrapping paper and grinned when he saw what he had gotten.

“A coloring book? Awesome! Thank you!” Greg said. “Now which one should I open next?”

Greg continued opening presents until he ran out of them. He got a picture book from Jason Funderburker, a coloring book from Charlie, a bunch of rainbow glitter from Mabel, a set of dice from Dipper, markers from Sally, a tiger stuffed animal from Tony, a frog plush from Wirt, and a bunch of other gifts and presents as well.

Greg was overjoyed with all of his presents and thanked every single person who had given him something. Even those who didn’t give him anything, he thanked them for coming to the party.

“It’s cake time!” Greg declared and all the children cheered.

“CAKE! CAKE! CAKE! CAKE! CAKE! CAKE! CAKE!” Everyone chanted as they all went towards a large cake with the words ‘Happy Birthday Greg’ in green frosting.

“Alright, alright. You guys will get cake.” Beatrice said in an attempt to calm the children. “Birthday boy gets the first piece though. And you have to sing happy birthday first.”

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.” Everyone began singing. “Happy birthday dear, Greg! Happy birthday to you!”

Greg then blew out the candles on his cake.

“Now we get to eat cake!” Greg exclaimed.

Beatrice cut the cake and gave everyone a slice of cake, of course allowing Greg to have the first slice.

While everyone went to eat their cake, Dipper awkwardly went up to Wirt.

“H-hey.” Dipper greeted. “So, how have you been doing?”

“I’ve been doing w-well.” Wirt responded. Why did this happen every single time he talked to Dipper? He can’t even have a conversation with him without stuttering and being flustered by how cute Dipper was. “I spoke with the Multi-Bear earlier today. He came to the party. He might still be around, but I think the gnomes are avoiding him.”

“I almost forgot about how gnomes tell their children that the Multi-Bear will eat them if they’re not good.” Dipper laughed.

“Yeah. I think some of the children told the other children, so now you just have all of the kids being at least twenty feet away from the Multi-Bear at all times.” Wirt commented.

“It’s actually kind of bizarre. Like, all these children are just so far away from the bear with multiple heads, which is a completely reasonable thing to be afraid of, but all the adults are talking to him and the bear is actually really chill.” Dipper elaborated.

“All the children must think they are not good because otherwise they wouldn’t have to fear the Multi-Bear at all.”

“Bad children must atone for their sins. Bad children get eaten by the Multi-Bear.” Dipper said in a deadpan, serious voice before being overwhelmed with laughter.

“You’re ridiculous.” Wirt laughed.

The two laughed for a while before calming down. Dipper was smiling softly, and Wirt really, really, really wanted to kiss him.

“Hey, um, so…” Wirt began before he was cut off by being bombarded with children.

“Prince Wirt! Prince Wirt!” One of the children yelled while pulling at his cloak. “Prrinnce Wiiirt. Play us a song! Greg said you were really good, and we want to hear you play a song!”

“Yeah! Play us a song, please!” Another one of the children begged.

“Are you going to play them a song?” Dipper asked.

“It looks like I don’t have a choice.” Wirt complained. “You guys are going to have to give me a minute. I have to get my instrument first.”

“You can’t just play a song now?” A child questioned.

“I really can’t do that. I need an instrument to play a song. I’ll be back really quickly, alright?” Wirt reasoned.

“Okay.” The children agreed as Wirt went to get his clarinet.

“I’m back!” Wirt approached the children. “What would you guys like me to play?”

“Play Over the Garden Wall!” One of the children shouted.

“Alright. Are you guys going to sing it while I play?” Wirt asked.

“Of course. You can’t just play Over the Garden Wall without singing along with it.” A child reasoned.

“Here I go then.” Wirt began playing, and the children began to sing.

“At night when the lake is a mirror

And the moon rides the waves to the shore

A single soul sets his voice singing

Content to be slightly forlorn

A song rises over the lilies (Waa-ooh waa-ooh)

Sweeps high to clear over the reeds

And over the bulrushes' swaying

To pluck at a pair of heartstrings

Two voices, now they are singing

Then ten, as the melody soars

Round the shimmering pond all are joining in song

As it carries their reverie on

Over the treetops and mountains

Over the blackened ravines

Then softly it falls by a house near a stream

And over the garden wall

To thee”

Wirt played the last few notes and took a breath afterwards.

“Okay, children. I played a song for you. Are you satisfied?” Wirt questioned.

“No! Play another!”

“Of course they’re not satisfied. They’re children. They won’t be satisfied until they have your blood.” Dipper commented.

“My blood, huh? That’s not concerning at all.” Wirt rolled his eyes. “I think they will be satisfied with a song.”

“Nah, Dipper’s right. We just want your blood.” The child who stated this was grinning and giggling.

“Well then I guess I don’t have to play you guys another song then.” Wirt said.

“Nooo. We want you to play another song, please!”

“I guess since you said please, but what song should I play?”

“Potatoes and Molasses!” One of the children shouted.

“Yeah!” The other children agreed.

“Okay, then.” Wirt began playing, and, of course, the children began to sing along, which attracted many other people.

“Oh, potatoes and molasses
If you want some, oh, just ask us

They're warm and soft like puppies in socks

Filled with cream and candy rocks

Oh, potatoes and molasses

They're so much sweeter than algebra classes

If your stomach is grumblin' and your mouth starts a-mumblin'

There is only one thing to keep your brain from crumblin'

Oh, potatoes and molasses

If you can't see 'em, put on your glasses

They're shiny and large like a fisherman's barge

You know you've eat enough when you start seeing stars

Oh, potatoes and molasses

It's the only thing left on your task list

They're short and stout to make everyone shout

For, potatoes and molasses

For, potatoes and molasses!”

The children laughed when they were done with the song. Wirt also had quite the crowd around him once he had finished playing.

People started clapping, and Wirt could feel that familiar feeling of embarrassment and fear from being in front of so many people.

“Well, um, that, that was nice, but I really should put my clarinet away so…” Wirt didn’t even bother putting away his clarinet. He just took the instrument and the case and went away from the crowd of people before actually putting away his instrument.

Wirt let out the breath. In. Out. In. Out. Okay. It was fine. He didn’t have to play in front of a bunch of people if he didn’t want to. He was okay.

“Hey, Wirt?”

“Oh! Uh, hey, Dipper.” Wirt greeted. He let out a sigh of relief. He thought it was one of the children wanting him to play another song or something like that.

“You okay?” Dipper asked.

“Y-yeah. I’m, I’m alright now. I just,” Wirt pulled at his hair. “I don’t like playing in front of crowds that much. Like, playing with other people in front of a crowd is fine, but once I’m on my own, I just kind of break down and need to leave.”

“I understand that.” Dipper gave Wirt a reassuring smile. “I’m actually kind of terrified of playing in front of crowds.”

“So why do you do so?” Wirt questioned.

“Fear leads to adrenaline, and adrenaline is fun.” Dipper laughed as he answered.

“Adrenaline is scary. Your heart beats really fast, and you can’t stop shaking.” Wirt said.

“That’s kind of the appeal of it.” Dipper pointed out.

“I guess different things appeal to different people.”

“Wirt! Dipper!” Mabel ran up to the duo. Today, she opted to wear a purple sweater with pictures of orange and yellow streamers paired with a yellow skirt. She was also wearing a yellow headband and glittery purple eyeshadow. “We’re going to play capture the flag, and obviously you two need to join us.”

“I mean, obviously.” Dipper grinned. “Come on, Wirt! Let’s go kick some children’s butts! No mercy!”

“Don’t hurt anyone.” Wirt warned before going off with them to play capture the flag.

It was an extremely intense game. Children were going wild. So many people were out. So many injuries were gotten when running away and tripping. It was like when a child first goes to college and realizes that they can do whatever they want, and it ends up being complete chaos. Except for the fact that there were adults there to help any children who happened to get hurt in the chaos of the game.

Well, by the end of the game, it was Dipper’s butt that was kicked. Greg’s team ended up winning, and everyone celebrated by eating pizza. Except the people who didn’t eat pizza because they were allergic to something in the pizza. Those people ate from the array of food that was also there and didn’t give them an allergic reaction.

People slowly started leaving the party. Each of them said happy birthday and goodbye to Greg.

Dipper and Mabel may have been the last to get to the party, but they were the last ones to leave.

“It’s starting to get dark, so we should probably get going.” Dipper said. “Happy birthday, Greg.”

“Yeah! Happy birthday, Greg! I hope this day was as awesome as you wanted it to be and better!” Mabel stated.

“Thank you!” Greg exclaimed. “I can’t wait to see you guys again!”

“Greg, we see them at least two or three times a week if not more.” Wirt commented.

“I know, but it is still nice to spend time with them.” Greg explained.

“It’s nice to spend time with you too, Greg.” Mabel grinned. “See you guys later!”

“Bye!” Greg yelled.

“See ya!” Dipper said.

“Goodbye.” Wirt said as the twins left. “Alright, Greg. That was fun, but we should really be going home now.”

“Fine. I guess everyone has left now.”

“Homeward!” Wirt shouted.

“Yeah! Homeward!” Greg yelled before laughing.

“What?”

“It’s weird to see you shouting something silly.” Greg admitted.

“How so?”

“I don’t know. You’re just always so serious all the time, and you worry a lot.” Greg elaborated.

“Well what’s wrong with being excited every now and then?” Wirt questioned.

“Nothing. It’s just that you don’t do it that often.”

“Well then maybe I should.” Wirt stopped when he heard something. “What’s that?”

Greg went over to where the noise was.

“Greg! Wait! It could be dangerous!” Wirt ran after Greg, who had stopped in front of the fence surrounding Bill’s statue.

There were people in black cloaks chanting around the statue. They suddenly stopped and one of the individuals stepped towards the statue.

“Bill Cipher.” The person spoke loudly and clearly. “I wish for you to bring my dog back to life. In return, I give you this deer heart.”

They held up an actual, bloody deer heart, and Wirt covered Greg’s eyes. The person placed the heart in front of the statue.

“I also offer you this freshly baked pie.” The person placed what smelled like a blueberry pie in front of the statue as well.

“Wirt? Why-”

“Shhhh!” Wirt interrupted. “Let’s get out of here.”

Wirt lead Greg away from the statue and the cult.

“Why didn’t those people listen to the signs?” Greg questioned. “They say keep out and don’t touch the statue, but they were still in there. Why? Are they blind and can’t read the signs? Do they need to be told that they shouldn’t go there?”

“Greg. The signs were mostly to keep out tourists and children. They only stop those who heed the signs’ warnings.” Wirt explained. Wirt held Greg’s hand and squeezed.

“Why wouldn’t they listen to the signs?” Greg asked.

Wirt wasn’t sure how to answer. Should he tell Greg what the people were really there for? Should he just lie and let Greg be ignorant and blissful?

“Wirt?” Greg said after a long silence. “Why do they still go into the area when the signs tell them not to?”

Wirt took a deep breath. He needed to tell Greg the truth.

“Do you remember when Lazy Susan’s spinny machine went out of control? And how she said she asked the statue to fix it, and, it did, but in a way that hurts the people around it?”

“Yeah?” Greg said. “But if your wishes hurt people, why would you still want to wish for things?”

“It’s, it’s because.” Wirt paused to take another breath. “People can be so desperate for something that they will do anything to achieve it, regardless of the consequences.”

“Oh.” Greg’s grip on Wirt’s hand tightened.

Chapter Text

“Dip-Dipper!” Wirt yelled as he got to the Mystery Shack.

“Wirt? Are you okay?” Dipper asked. “You look out of breath and freaked out.”

“Cults! Rituals! Dogs!” Wirt ran a hand through his already messy hair. He put his hat on his head and waved his arms around. “The, the, the fence! And, and signs, and, and-”

“Wirt!” Dipper shouted. “You need to breath.”

Wirt took a deep breath.

“Okay. In. Out. In. Out.” Dipper said, and Wirt breathed in time with Dipper’s words. “Alright, so, what’s got you so freaked out?”

“Right, um, so, uh, Greg’s birthday was a few days ago, right?” Wirt started.

“Yeah?” Dipper affirmed.

“When, when Greg and I started to walk home, we pasted by the statue, right?”

“Yeah.”

“But there were people in the fence, and they were all wearing black cloaks, and, and-” Wirt started to breath more heavily.

“Wirt. Wirt. Remember to breath. Breathe with me. Come on. In. Out. In. Out.” Dipper said. “There we go.”

“Th-thanks.” Wirt said. “So, it was basically a cult. And one of the people came up to the statue and asked for their dog to be alive, and then they gave a blueberry pie and a de-deer hate, heart to the statue. I, I think I was just trying to protect Greg at that moment, and the reality of the situation didn’t really hit me until, well…”

“Now?” Dipper questioned. “Yeah. Sometimes that happens. The shock of Weirdmeggedon didn’t really hit Mabel and me until a few weeks later, so I totally get where you are coming from.”

“But, yeah. It, it seemed like important information, but all I could really process was random words and phrases.” Wirt admitted.

“That happens. It’s okay.” Dipper reassured. “It’s good to talk about it.”

“I guess I do feel a little better, but I’m worried about that dog.” Wirt said. “I don’t know how the wish is going to come true, or when, but I know it’s not going to be good. So I’m just kind of scared.”

“We could always try looking for it.” Dipper suggested.

“Look for it! Why?”

“There is the potential that it hasn’t been created yet. Do you know who wished for their dog to be alive?” Dipper inquired.

“No. They were wearing a hood. It did sound like a girl, but…”

“Voices can be deceiving? Yeah. Just listen to my voice.” Dipper laughed. “I still sound like a girl, and my voice cracks all the time. And Grenda has a really deep voice, but she’s a girl.”

“Yeah. So it doesn’t really give us any leads.” Wirt stated.

“Maybe we could find someone whose dog has died recently?” Dipper suggested.

“What if their dog hadn’t died recently? What if the dog has been dead for a long time?” Wirt pointed out.

“Hmm. You’re right. I hadn’t thought of that.” Dipper frowned.

“And how would we deal with the dog once we find it?” Wirt questioned.

“I already have a plan for that.” Dipper grinned. “You see, if the dog is a zombie, then it should be susceptible to salt.”

“Salt?”

“Yes, salt.” Dipper affirmed. “I don’t really know the science and specifics behind it, but in a lot of lore that doesn’t have to do with shooting a zombie with a shotgun, it typically involves purifying the zombie with salt.”

“I guess that makes sense, but what if that doesn’t work?” Wirt worried.

“I’ve got a gun.” Dipper answered.

“Is that safe?” Wirt inquired.

“Statistically speaking, no.” Dipper replied. “But I know how to use it, and I keep it out of reach of small children.”

“Are you the one who owns the gun?”

“Sadly, no. Grunkle Stan is the one who owns it, but I’m sure he won’t notice if I take one of his guns.” Dipper stated.

“How many guns does he have?”

“Uhh,” Dipper thought for a moment. “I think he has ten or something like that.”

“Is that legal?” Wirt asked.

“I have no idea.” Dipper said. “But knowing Grunkle Stan, probably not. Actually, scratch that, America is obsessed with guns, so it is probably actually legal for once.”

“By the way, I’m pretty sure Beatrice has been spending way too much time with Stan.” Wirt said.

“Really? I’ve only ever seen her hanging out with Wendy.” Dipper stated. “But, now that I think about it, that is probably a different danger.”

“I mean, I don’t really know Wendy that well, but she can’t be that bad, can she?”

“Don’t get me wrong. Wendy is awesome! But she seems interested in Beatrice, if you know what I mean.” Dipper wiggled his eyebrows.

“Oh my god. I am completely, 100% done with you.” Wirt claimed.

“Are you? Are you really?” Dipper questioned.

“Yes.”

“Harsh.” Dipper laughed.

“Okay, but seriously. What if neither the salt nor the gun works?” Wirt worried.

“Uhh, stake to the heart?” Dipper suggested.

“I’m pretty sure that only works on vampires.”

“No, actually, in the original lore, you had to do damage to the head or decapitate them or something, and then you put a stake through their heart.” Dipper explained.

“I mean, I guess we could try decapitating the dog, and then putting a stake through it. I doubt that will work though. It’s a zombie.”

“Maybe we’re just assuming it’s a zombie. What if it isn’t?”

“Well, what else would it be?” Wirt questioned.

“Alive.” Dipper answered.

“If it’s alive, then a gun would do just fine.” Wirt said. “But only if it’s attacking people.”

“I think that, if it’s attacking people, it’s probably rabid.” Dipper stated.

“Maybe. Or maybe it’s because of Bill’s magic.”

“His magic?”

“His magic.” Wirt confirmed.

“I’m pretty sure his magic has a scientific explanation of some sort.”

“Probably.”

“But we aren’t going to know if anything works on the dog without testing it out, which means we need to find the dog.” Dipper said.

“We don’t even know where to start looking.”

“Well, it’s not like Gravity Falls is a very large place. We could just walk around, and, if a dog randomly starts attacking people, then we know what to do.” Dipper stated.

“But what if it attacks us?” Wirt inquired.

“We have the means to defeat it.” Dipper answered.

“We may have the means to defeat it.” Wirt corrected.

“But few things are not affected by a gun.” Dipper said.

“Things that aren’t living can’t be affected by a gun.” Wirt deadpanned.

“Are zombies living?” Dipper questioned. “Like, people are always talking about zombies being basically alive and dead. So half dead and half alive.”

“I mean, I guess?” Wirt said.

“I think they would need to have all of the characteristics of life.”

“And what would those be?” Wirt inquired.

“I don’t remember. We learned about it in school, and all I remember is that viruses are technically not living because they don’t have all of the characteristics of life.” Dipper replied.

“Huh.”

“I guess zombies aren’t living? Because they don’t really have a way of reproducing by themselves.” Dipper said. “Ha! I remembered one of the characteristics of life!”

“Good job.” Wirt stated. “Did that sound sarcastic? I think that sounded kind of sarcastic. Just so you know, I am not trying to be sarcastic at all. I actually am proud of you for remembering one of the characteristics of life.”

“Good, because I’m proud of myself for remembering one of the characteristics of life and actually applying it to something important.”

“Figuring out whether or not zombies are living is important?” Wirt questioned.

“Yes. It was imperative to know that.” Dipper said. “Though, at this rate, we are never going to get off our butts to go look for the zombie dog.”

“We don’t even know if the zombie dog exists.” Wirt stated. “Or if it is actually a zombie.”

“Irrelevant!” Dipper claimed.

“I’m pretty sure it’s relevant. We don’t even know if it’s attacking people or not.”

“Well, if it is attacking people, then we will know what to do.”

“Do we? Do we really?”

“Yes.” Dipper proclaimed. “At the very least, I know what I’m doing.”

“Really?”

“No. I lied. I have no idea what I’m doing at any given time.” Dipper answered.

“That’s not very reassuring.” Wirt said.

“Does me saying I kind of know what I’m doing sometimes help?”

“No.” Wirt deadpanned. “It really doesn’t, but I guess it’s better than never knowing what you’re doing.”

“Something is better than nothing!” Dipper declared. “Let’s go find a zombie dog!”

“What? We’re going now?”

“Yeah. When else are we going to hunt for the zombie dog?” Dipper questioned.

“Maybe at some time when we are more prepared?” Wirt suggested.

“We are as prepared as we are going to get. Now come on. I’m going to steal a gun from Grunkle Stan.” Dipper thought for a moment. “Or we could go to Grunkle Ford. They both have guns.”

“I think I would feel safer if we consulted Ford.” Wirt said.

“Alright! Let’s go ask Ford!” Dipper stated. “He’s probably in the basement or something.”

“What does he even do down there all the time?” Wirt asked as Dipper punching in the code in the vending machine and going down the staircase.

“Science things.” Dipper replied.

“What kind of science things? I didn’t even see him for the first two or three weeks since I started working here.”

“Who knows? He hasn’t told me what he has been working on yet, but he says he’s been studying samples that he got while traveling that he didn’t get a chance to properly look at.” Dipper answered.

“That’s not suspicious.”

“Well, no more suspicious than your Grunkle working on a portal to another dimension in secret to save your other Grunkle.” Dipper responded.

“What even?” Wirt gave a Dipper a look of absolute bewilderment. “I’m not even sure I want to have context for that sentence.”

“Grunkle Stan secretly worked on a portal that Grunkle Ford originally built because Grunke Ford fell into the portal, and so Grunkle Stan wanted to save Grunkle Ford.”

“That’s really confusing.” Wirt said.

“It gets worse, trust me. You don’t even know the half of it.” Dipper stated.

“I’m not sure if I even want to know the rest of it.”

“Hey! Grunkle Ford!” Dipper suddenly yelled out. “Are you here? Wirt and I want to ask you something!”

Dipper looked around and found Ford tinkering away at something.

“Hey. Grunkle Ford.” Dipper tapped Ford on the shoulder.

“Oh! Hello, Dipper. Hello, Wirt.” Ford said as he fiddled with his glasses. “What do you need?”

“Okay, so we may have gotten some information about the statue.” Dipper stated.

“Really? What is it?”

“There are still people wishing for things from the statue, despite the warnings, and someone wished for their dog to be alive.” Dipper explained.

“Oh, well, this is a problem.” Ford put his hand on his chin while he was thinking. “Hmm. Is it a zombie dog?”

“We don’t know yet.” Dipper answered.

“Cause if it’s a zombie, then you can use salt. If salt doesn’t work, use a gun.” Ford suggested.

“Are you sure you should be recommending using weapons to children?” Wirt asked.

“You guys are teenagers, and Dipper knows how to use a gun.” Ford pointed out. “And I’m pretty sure it’s okay to give children weapons. What? Am I not supposed to give children weapons?”

“No???? When did you ever think it was a good idea to give children weapons?” Wirt questioned.

“Well, I did do a lot of traveling, and, in other dimensions, it is perfectly safe and fine to give weapons to children.” Ford justified.

“Okay, I guess that makes sense, but children. They are children.” Wirt said.

“And?”

“It is dangerous to give children weapons.” Wirt stated.

“Oh. It seems I forgot that. Mabel seemed to do just fine when I gave her a crossbow.” Ford said.

“When did you give her the crossbow?” Wirt asked.

“When she was twelve, I think.” Ford thought for a moment. “Yeah, it was when she was twelve.”

“She wasn’t even a teenager then!” Wirt exclaimed.

“Well, to be fair, I had just gotten back to this dimension.”

“Dipper! Help me tell your Great Uncle that it is not okay to give children weapons.” Wirt whined.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do anything. I want to get a gun to kill the dog that is attacking people.” Dipper said.

“We don’t even know if he’s attacking people or not yet.” Wirt replied.

“Well, if there is still a chance of the dog hurting people, then you two need to find out if it really is injuring others.” Ford stated.

“Do you have anything we could use to defeat the dog if it is attacking people?” Dipper questioned.

“I have a gun.” Ford answered, pulling out a strange looking gun.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Wirt said. “What if we accidentally hurt a civilian with the gun? What if we accidentally kill a citizen with the gun? I don’t know what I would do if I was at fault for injuring someone.”

“Wirt, Wirt.” Dipper called. “It’s okay. We’re only going to use the gun if absolutely necessary, and, if we do have to use the gun, we could lure the dog away from everyone to avoid as many injuries and deaths as possible.”

“I, I guess that would be fine.”

“Well, be safe you two.” Ford handed Dipper the gun. “I’ve still got some work to do, but feel free to tell me any information you happen to come upon.”

“You’re not going to come help us?” Wirt inquired.

“No. You two can handle yourselves just fine.” Ford said. “And I’m going to figure out a way to actually prevent people from going near the statue.”

“I hope whatever plan you come up with works.” Dipper stated. “Come on, Wirt. We’ve got a dog to catch.”

The two said goodbye to Ford, and they left the Mystery Shack to find the dog.

“So, we’re back to where is the dog.” Wirt stated.

“We could try searching the town first.” Dipper suggested.

“I guess that would be the most obvious place for it to be.”

“To town!” Dipper declared.

“Did you remember to get the salt?” Wirt asked.

“Yeah, of course I did.” Dipper held up a container that had a label claiming the stuff inside the container was salt.

“Good. I would like to avoid using the gun, so I’m kind of willing to see if anything else works first.” Wirt said.

“I really hope we aren’t too late in trying to defeat the dog.” Dipper stated.

“Yeah, somehow, seeing a bunch of people dead on the streets because of dog doesn’t really appeal to me.”

“I would hope not.” Dipper replied.

“I’m kind of scared, to be honest.” Wirt admitted. “I just don’t want to see anybody getting hurt.”

“I don’t want to see anybody get hurt either.”

Wirt and Dipper went to the town and looked around.

“Well, at least there doesn’t seem to be a bunch of dead bodies lying around.” Dipper joked.

“I guess that’s something to be thankful for.” Wirt tried to smile back, but it was forced.

“Hey, Wirt. Nobody is going to get hurt. At least, not on my watch.” Dipper reassured.

“I hope no one gets hurt.” Wirt glanced around the town. “However, not seeing the dog anywhere doesn’t really ease my worries.”

“We’ll find the dog.” Dipper promised. “And then we will prevent it from causing damage to anyone and anything.”

“Alright.” Wirt responded.

The two looked around for a while before they heard somebody scream.

Dipper immediately ran towards the source of the scream.

“Dipper! Wait!” Wirt ran after Dipper.

Wirt was suddenly hit by the smell of something rotting, like all the food in the fridge had gone bad and stayed there for a long time.

The next thing he noticed was the blood. A metal smell joined the scent of rotten flesh.

He was frozen in place. He found the dog, at least, but that didn’t mean anything if he couldn’t do anything about it.

Dipper ran up to the dog without thinking. The dog noticed him and immediately lunged for him.

The dog bit Dipper in the arm, and Dipper made a pained expression.

Dipper used his other arm to get out the salt while the dog kept gnawing on his arm.

Since Dipper couldn’t really see straight because of the pain and the tears that had welled up because of the pain, he just poured the salt over the dog.

“Fuck!” Dipper shouted as the salt ended up getting into his wound.

The dog, however, became limp and fell off Dipper’s arms.

Dipper breathed heavily. Wirt suddenly snapped out of his frozen state.

“Dipper!” Wirt yelled. “We need to get you to a doctor. You need medical attention. A first aid kit or something. Dipper! Dipper! Are you okay? You don’t look okay. Dipper! You’re bleeding. You’re bleeding, Dipper! Dipper! A doctor. You need a doctor. I, I-”

“Wirt, Wirt.” Dipper said. “I’m fine.”

“No, you aren’t. You are bleeding, Dipper!” Wirt pointed towards the wound on Dipper’s arm.

“Oh.” Dipper stated. “I guess I am.”

“We, we, we, we need to get you to a hospital, Dipper!”

“Wirt, it is fine. I’m not going to die from a dog biting me.” Dipper laughed.

“Dipper! This is serious!” Wirt turned to the nearest citizen. “Hey! Do you know where the nearest doctor or hospital is?”

“Y-yeah. Of course. I have to bring my wife, Lily, there as well, as, you know.” The person said. “She got bit by the dog as well.”

“Well, then it looks like we need to get both of them to the hospital.” Wirt stated.

“Really, I’m fine.” Dipper insisted.

“Say that after you get treated.” Wirt countered.

“Wirt, I’ve already stopped bleeding. Really, it’s true. I’m perfectly fine. I could fix this wound up myself.” Dipper claimed.

“Yeah, but what if your wound gets infected? Then what are we going to do?” Wirt asked.

“I mean, I guess I would go to the doctor.”

“Then why don’t we go to a doctor now to make sure you don’t have to go to a doctor later?” Wirt suggested.

“The boy in the tall, red, gnome hat is right.” The person whose wife had been bitten said. “You should get professional treatment.”

“But it’s fine. I don’t even feel any pain.” Dipper proclaimed.

“That’s probably because you’re in shock. Come on now. To a hospital. Where you can get treated. By the way, I’m Catherine, if you want to know.”

“Well, hi Catherine.” Wirt said. “Could you, maybe lead us to the hospital? I’m not entirely sure where to go.”

“You do realize that hospitals are really expensive, right?” Dipper pointed out. “We don’t have free health care, and I’m not sure that Grunkle Stan would be happy for me to go a hospital for an injury such as this one.”

“You don’t have free health care?” Wirt questioned.

“No? Do gnomes have free health care?” Dipper inquired.

“Of course!” Wirt replied. “All the creatures in the forest have free health care.”

“The only place in America where you can get free health care.” Dipper said.

“Apparently.”

“Hey, if you two aren’t actually going to go the hospital.” Catherine interrupted. “I’m just going to go on ahead. If you are going to the hospital, you need to take a left at the red house over there, and then keep going straight until you see a weird cat statue thing in front of the new restaurant, which you take a right there, and you should see the hospital.”

Catherine then left with her wife after explaining the directions.

“So, Dipper. Are you going to go to the hospital or not?”

“I would rather not have to pay copious amounts of money for a wound I or Mabel could fix up ourselves.” Dipper responded. Wirt sighed.

“Could you at least, I don’t know, have someone else look at it?”

“I guess we could get Mabel to look at it if you are going to be so insistent about somebody looking at it.” Dipper suggested. “And don’t worry. Mabel took a class on first aid, and so did I, so it should be fine.”

“I still would rather a professional look at it.” Wirt admitted.

“Hey! Everyone in the Pines family has some experience in first aid! Totally professionals!” Dipper claimed.

“Right. And why do you all happen to have some experience in first aid?” Wirt questioned. “Is it because you guys get hurt all the time?”

“What? No!” Dipper denied. He paused. “Okay, maybe.”

“I don’t think that maybe should be there.” Wirt said. “I think it would be more like definitely. You guys get hurt too often.”

“Maybe.”

“It’s not just a maybe! I’ve seen you guys hurt more often then I feel comfortable with.” Wirt said.

“If it’s any constellation, we usually get hurt more than this.” Dipper stated.

“That doesn’t really make me feel any better.” Wirt sighed. “Come on. Let’s just go to the Mystery Shack so that you can at least get to a first aid kit.”

“Oh, wait!” Dipper shouted. “I just remembered that I have a first aid kit!”

“Why did you remember this now?” Wirt questioned.

“You mentioned a first aid kit.”

“I mentioned a first aid kit earlier!”

“Oh. Well, I was still in shock.” Dipper deadpanned.

“I’m pretty sure you’re still in shock.”

“Yeah. Probably.” Dipper said. “It’s here in my vest.”

“What do you even carry in that vest?” Wirt asked.

“Uh, a flashlight, a first aid kit, a few tools, and stuff like that.” Dipper answered, getting out the first aid kit and opening it.

“How do you fit all of that in your vest? It doesn’t look like it could be able to carry that much.” Wirt commented.

“Yeah. People say that. Ouch!” Dipper said as he began cleaning his wound.

“Are you okay?” Wirt worried.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Dipper answered. “Just, the disinfectant can hurt when you put it on.”

“Are you sure the dog won’t be resurrected again?” Wirt questioned.

“It certainly doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere anytime soon.” Dipper replied.

“I hope not. Two people were injured.” Wirt looked towards the ground.

“Hey, Wirt. Are you okay?” Dipper questioned.

“I, I don’t know.” Wirt replied. “I just, I guess I feel like I could have done something, anything really, instead of just standing there.”

“Fight, flight, or freeze.” Dipper said.

“What?”

“Fight, flight, or freeze. People always talk about fight or flight, but there is a third thing that can also happen, and that’s freeze.” Dipper explained. “Fight your enemy so that they can’t kill you, flee from your enemy so they can’t kill you, or stay still so your enemy can’t see you, and therefore can’t kill you.”

“Oh.” Wirt said dumbly. “It seems kind of dumb to just freeze. It doesn’t really do much, does it?”

“Not necessarily. If it wasn’t useful, we wouldn’t have to deal with it, would we?” Dipper stated.

“I guess not.” Wirt giggled. “Though it is annoying and absolutely pointless and ridiculous.”

“Well, typically, if you are facing a natural enemy, such as a tiger or other predator, staying still would mean they would be unable to see you.” Dipper elaborated.

“Not very useful against another human though, right?”

“No, not really.” Dipper laughed.

Wirt decided at that moment that he wanted to make Dipper laugh and smile and be happy as much as possible.

“Are you done fixing up your wound?” Wirt questioned.

“Oh, yeah.” Dipper scratched the back of his head. “I’m done. Why don’t we go to the Mystery Shack?”

“And have someone else check your wound?” Wirt continued.

“If it makes you feel better.” Dipper responded, putting the first aid kit back into his vest.

“It would make me feel much better, thank you.” Wirt said.

“To the Mystery Shack, then!” Dipper proclaimed, and the two of them began to go back to the Mystery Shack.

“I hope Catherine and her wife are okay.” Wirt stated.

“I’m pretty sure they’re fine.” Dipper said. “After all, they are going to a hospital, and her wife got about as injured as I did, and I’m perfectly fine.”

“But what if she’s not fine?” Wirt worried.

“We could check later to make sure that she is alright.” Dipper suggested.

“Alright. I think that would make me worry at least a little bit less.”

“I would hope so. We wouldn’t want you worrying after all, right?” Dipper grinned.

“Ye-yeah.” Wirt glanced away from Dipper. Dipper was entirely too cute when he was smiling. “Worrying definitely isn’t really that fun.”

“Yeah, but what else are you supposed to do when somebody you love gets hurt?” Dipper smiled before looking away, blushing, and coughing. “You know, if you can’t really do anything.”

“Yeah.” Wirt said.

The two of the walked in silence the rest of the way to the Mystery Shack. It was nice. Just walking with the other. It was calm, quiet, and peaceful. Wirt decided that Dipper was most beautiful when they were sharing this comfortable quiet, and Dipper was smiling slightly and quietly humming.

They soon got to the Mystery Shack.

“Hey, dudes!” Wendy said when the two walked into the Mystery Shack. “Where have you guys been? Why is your arm bandaged, Dipper?”

“Well, we were hunting down a zombie dog, and it bit my arm.” Dipper explained.

“You aren’t a zombie or anything now, right?” Wendy asked.

“I don’t think so. Wirt. Am I a zombie currently?” Dipper questioned.

“I certainly hope not.” Wirt answered. “By the way, Wendy. Do you know where Mabel is?”

“I think she’s up in the attic with Greg.” Wendy replied.

“Thanks!” Wirt said. “Wait, Greg is here?”

“Yeah, he came her a while ago looking for you.” Wendy stated. “And then Mabel kidnapped him.”

“It looks like we need to save your brother from my sister.” Dipper joked.

“It seems so. I’m not even sure if we can get him back. You know Mabel’s tactics.” Wirt responded.

“I know her better than myself!” Dipper proclaimed. “Now, let’s go rescue Greg!”

The two of them went up to the attic.

“Wirt! Dipper!” Greg yelled as soon as they walked in. “Mabel’s teaching me how to knit! Look!” Greg held up the beginnings of what looks vaguely like a scarf.

“Would you like to learn how to knit, Wirt?” Mabel asked.

“Sure?”

“Alright! Let me just get some knitting needles for you.” Mabel went over to a trunk on her side of the room and pulled out a pair of wooden knitting needles.

“Hey, Dipper.” Greg called.

“What?”

“Why is your arm all bandaged?” Greg questioned.

“Oh, um, Wirt and I were trying to find a zombie dog, and when we found it, it bit me.” Dipper explained.

“Are you okay?” Greg asked.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Dipper promised.

“Hey, Mabel.” Wirt said. “Could you look over Dipper’s injury? I know he said that he can deal with it himself, but I still would like someone else to look at it.”

“Yeah, I can do that.” Mabel laughed. “Dipper! I need to look over your injury on orders of Wirt!”

“Fine, fine.” Dipper sat down next to Mabel to allow her to check his injury.

“Yep, this is definitely an injury.” Mabel proclaimed. “Don’t worry! Dipper seems to have shown competence in the area of first aid!”

“You guys get hurt too much for you guys to take injuries seriously, don’t you?” Wirt asked.

“Yep!” Mabel confirmed. “That doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t worry when another gets hurt. It’s just…”

“It’s kind of lost its novelty.” Dipper finished.

“Getting injured is still bad!” Greg proclaimed. “At least, that’s what Wirt always says. He’s a giant worry wort though. He’s a Worry Wirt!”

“That is the best pun I have ever heard.” Mabel said.

“Is it, Mabel?” Dipper questioned. “Is it really?”

“Yes. Most definitely.” Mabel answered. “It is the greatest pun to ever grace this Earth.”

“You say that about every pun, Mabel.” Dipper said.

“That’s because puns are great, and you don’t have a sense of humor.” Mabel countered. “Okay, Wirt. Here are the knitting needles.”

Wirt took knitting needles from Mabel.

“Are you just going to ignore me, Mabel?” Dipper asked.

“Yes. Because teaching Wirt how to knit is much more important.” Mabel answered. “You know, you can learn how to knit with them if you want.”

“Do you even have enough knitting needles for that?” Dipper inquired.

“How dare you underestimate the amount of knitting needles I own!” Mabel declared. “Of course I have enough knitting needles for all of you, as well as extra ones.”

“Are they all the same size?” Wirt asked.

“Of course not! I just have a bunch of different sized knitting needles for different things.” Mabel replied.

“Okay, so how exactly do you start knitting?” Wirt questioned, holding up the pair of knitting needles that Mabel had given him.

“Okay, Dipper. Are you listening?” Mabel asked.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m paying attention.”

“Alright, so the first thing you do is you take the string and make a gun.” Mabel held the string up with her fingers that were in a gun shape. “Like this.”

“Like this?” Wirt tried to copy what Mabel was doing.

“Yep! That’s perfect!” Mabel looked at what Dipper was doing. “Bro-bro, you need to make a gun shape. There you go. Next, you put one of the needles through the hole thing, and then you do a thing that makes another hole appear, and then you have to shove the needle through that hole.”

“Mabel. Those are very confusing instructions.” Dipper commented.

“Oh shush. You don’t even know how to knit.” Mabel said. “Now you have to shove the needle in the other hole to make a knot thing.”

“I think I understand?” Wirt stated. “Is this right?”

“It looks good to me.” Mabel commented. “Yours too, Dipper.”

“Wow. I got something right.” Dipper stated.

“You shush. Now, you just kind of continue doing the same thing over and over until you get the width that you want.” Mabel instructed. “You guys are going to be making a scarf because that is one of the easier things to do.”

“About how many times would you say I should do this?” Wirt questioned.

“I would say around twenty or twenty-five of those stitches should get you to the right width.”

“Alright.” Wirt began to count each stitch he made under his breath.

“Uh, Mabel?” Dipper said. “I don’t think I’m doing this right.” He held up a horrible mess of string.

“Dipper. How did you even accomplish that?” Greg questioned.

“I have no clue.” Dipper answered. “It just kind of happened.”

“Wirt. Dipper is hopeless.” Mabel lamented. “Could you help him since he is clearly not doing it right?”

“Uh, well, um, but I’ve only just started so…” Wirt stuttered.

“But you’ve got the hand of this part, right?” Mabel questioned.

“Oh, yeah, I’m basically done with these stitches.” Wirt replied.

“So you can tell Dipper what he is doing wrong!” Mabel concluded.

“I mean, I guess.” Wirt said. “But I’m not even sure what he has done wrong.”

“I guess I can just start over.” Dipper straightened the string. “So, how do you do this again?”

“Well, it was like Mabel said. You make a gun shape with you finger and wrap the string around it.” Wirt said and Dipper tried to do that. “Not quite like that. More like this.” Wirt took Dipper’s hand and maneuvered it into the correct position. “See?”

“Uh, I, um, yeah, I.” Dipper’s face was red.

“Now you just take your needle…” Wirt took Dipper’s other hand and brought it towards the string. “You push down and go through this hole that is made.” Wirt guided Dipper’s hands to create the stitch.

“And then you have the knot thing!” Wirt proclaimed before realizing that he was touching Dipper and took his hands away like he had been burned. “And, and no-now you just, uh, you just ke-keep doing that until you, um, have the amount of snitches, I mean stitches that you want!”

“Oh, yeah, right.” Dipper responded. “I think I got it.”

“We-well, if you are confused on anything, don’t be afried, afraid to ask.” Wirt said.

“Al-alright.” Dipper began doing the rest of the stitches, pointedly looking away from Wirt.

“You guys are awkward dorks.” Mabel stated.

“You shush.” Dipper said. “We are not awkward.”

“You kind of are.” Greg claimed.

“Wirt! Your brother has betrayed me!” Dipper whined.

“Too bad. I betrayed you and so did my brother. Did you really expect anything less?” Wirt teased.

“Not really.” Dipper answered. “I learned my lesson after the first time I was betrayed.”

“That’s a lie.” Wirt laughed. “I betrayed you a second time, and you didn’t expect it at all.”

“You two are both awkward dorks.” Greg said.

“I can’t believe you would say that about your own brother, Greg.” Wirt acted offended.

“What? That’s what you are. You are an awkward dork and a worry wort.” Greg proclaimed.

“But those are only your opinions.” Dipper pointed out.

“Nah.” Mabel disagreed. “Greg and I are saying undisputable fact! That you two are giant and awkward dorks.”

“Rude. And here we were, trusting both of you, only for you guys to stab us in the back.” Dipper said.

“You should have known.” Wirt said. “I was over here, completely prepared for the inevitable betrayal.”

“I feel doubly betrayed now. How dare you not tell me about their inevitable betrayal?”

“It must have slipped my mind.” Wirt declared.

“Okay, but seriously.” Mabel interrupted. “We were learning how to knit. Dipper, are you done with your stitches yet?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Dipper answered. “This is a good width, right?”

“That looks fine. Now, for the fun part!” Mabel proclaimed. “The actual knitting part! You take your other needle and shove it through the first stitch at the end of your needle.”

“Like this?” Wirt asked.

“Yep!” Mabel confirmed.

“What about this?” Dipper questioned.

“Well, if you do that, you are going to end up pearling instead of knitting, but they are basically the same anyways, so who really cares.”

“What’s the difference?” Greg inquired.

“Pearling is backwards knitting.” Mabel replied.

“What is the point of that?” Greg scrunched up his face.

“You can switch between the two and then all the knot bits are on one side.” Mabel responded.

“Oh. Why would you do that?” Greg questioned.

“It’s useful for several things. Like pot holders.”

“Okay, but how do you continue knitting?” Wirt asked.

“So, you wrap the sting around the needle, and then you just kind of…” Mabel made a knitting gesture with her hands. “Like, you put it though the hole again.”

“I don’t think I did this right.” Dipper said.

“I don’t think I did it right either.” Wirt agreed.

“It’s fine if you make mistakes. The magic of knitting comes from being able to pull one string and making the entire thing come apart.” Mabel stated.

“That sounds like some kind of plot where you have to defeat the person who is pulling the strings and then everything they created comes apart like freshly baked cookies.” Dipper said.

“Now I’m hungry.” Greg declared. “Wirt! Let’s make cookies!”

“But we’re learning how to knit.” Wirt reasoned.

“But cookies.” Greg argued. “And I already learned how to knit.”

“But I haven’t.”

“I could teach you.” Greg suggested.

“I would rather be taught by Mabel.”

“Even if her directions are awful?” Dipper asked.

“Even if her directions are awful.” Wirt confirmed.

“Aside from that, let’s make cookies!” Greg declared.

“I don’t know, Greg.” Wirt frowned. “It’s getting kind of late, and we will have to go home soon.”

“But we can make cookies when we get home.” Greg reasoned.

“But we would have to eat dinner first.”

“But cookies are delicious.”

“But dinner is nutritious.” Wirt said. “And wouldn’t you want to make cookies with Dipper and Mabel?”

“Hmm.” Greg thought for a moment. “I guess you are right. It would be so much more fun if Dipper and Mabel made cookies with us!”

“Hey! That gives me an idea!” Mabel exclaimed.

“What is it?” Greg asked.

“We could make cookies for Soos on his birthday!” Mabel responded.

“Oh. When’s Soos’ birthday?” Wirt questioned.

“It’s on the thirteenth of this month.” Mabel answered. “So it’s in three days.”

“We could go to the laser tag arena and then make cookies.” Dipper suggested.

“Can there be dinosaur shaped cookies?” Greg inquired.

“Of course!” Mabel answered. “Why wouldn’t there be dinosaur shaped cookies? We can also try making bug shaped cookies!”

“That would be super awesome!” Greg exclaimed.

“Mabel, we don’t have any bug shaped cookie cutters.” Dipper pointed out.

“That’s never stopped me before!” Mabel declared.

“No, it hasn’t, but still.” Dipper said. “It usually ends up with a giant mess that I have to clean up because you forget to clean the kitchen when you cook.”

“I promise I’ll clean up this time.” Mabel stated.

“You say that every time.”

“How about we all clean up the kitchen afterwards.” Wirt suggested.

“What Wirt said.” Mabel agreed.

Greg’s stomach suddenly grumbled. Wirt laughed.

“It looks like Greg and I should be going home now.”

“Yep!” Mabel said. “Food is definitely important.”

“It is necessary for survival.” Dipper commented.

“I guess we will be going then.” Wirt said. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye!” Greg exclaimed.

“See ya!” Mabel said.

“Bye!” Dipper stated.

Greg and Wirt left the Mystery Shack and went home.

“What do you think we’re going to have for dinner tonight, Wirt?” Greg asked.

“I don’t know. Some kind of bird maybe?” Wirt suggested.

“Maybe we’ll have chicken!”

“Possibly.”

“Come on, Wirt. Let’s go! I’m hungry!” Greg began to run towards their home.

“Wait! Hold up, Greg!” Wirt yelled as he ran after Greg.

When they eventually got to their house, Wirt was out of breathe and panting.

“H-how do you have that much energy, Greg?” Wirt questioned.

“Magic, obviously.” Greg answered. “Now, come on! Let’s eat dinner!”

The two entered the house.

“Dad!” Greg yelled. “We’re home!”

“Well, dinner is going to be ready in a few minutes, so set the table!” The king yelled back.

Wirt and Greg set the table as the Gnome King put food on the table.

“Alright. So, how was your day today?” The king asked.

“We learned how to knit!” Greg exclaimed, taking a bite of the turkey he had placed on his plate.

“That’s nice. Did you do anything else?” The king questioned.

“Mabel and I drew pictures and stuff.” Greg answered. “They had lots of glitter!”

“That sounds amazing!” The Gnome King said. “What about you, Wirt? What did you do today?”

“I, uh.” Wirt paused. He really didn’t want his father to know what he was really doing that day. “I spent the day with Dipper and then learned how to knit.”

“Dipper is the boy you have a crush on, right?” The Gnome King asked.

“I, wh-what?” Wirt stuttered.

“Dipper is the guy you like, is he not?”

“Well, uh, yeah, um…” Wirt trailed off.

“Wirt is still being a worry wort over the entire thing with Dipper though.” Greg interrupted. “He hasn’t told him how he feels yet.”

“I guess it is always kind of awkward to tell people that you like them.” The king laughed. “I had that problem with you mother. In fact, she was the one who asked me out, not the other way around.”

“Did you act in the same, dumb way Wirt does?” Greg questioned.

“How does Wirt act?”

“He trips and falls, and he stutters while talking to Dipper, and he can’t even touch Dipper without becoming all awkward and weird.” Greg answered.

“Greg! You can’t tell Dad all that!” Wirt shouted.

“Ha! I acted the exact same way around your mother!” The Gnome King declared. “It was awful! I was always so embarrassed around her!”

“What was Mom like?” Greg asked.

The Gnome King became quiet for a second, casting his eyes towards the table.

“She was amazing. She was kind and confident. She always seemed to have the strength of one hundred men.” The Gnome King answered.

“Do you miss her?” Greg questioned.

“Sometimes.” The king stood up. “Alright! It appears we have all eaten! Remember, Wirt! Don’t forget to tell Dipper! Chances are he likes you too!”

“W-what! I, I can’t just tell him like that!” Wirt protested.

“But he does like you back.” Greg pointed out.

“I highly doubt that.” Wirt said.

“I would advise telling him about your crush though.” The king suggested. “Take it from me. It’s better to confess and be rejected than to never tell them and never get over your crush. Best case scenario, the person will like you back.”

“Still, the thought of being rejected is…” Wirt frowned.

“Scary? Terrifying? The worst possible thing to happen?” Antony offered.

“I, I guess.”

“If getting rejected was the scariest thing to happen, then what are you so scared of?” The Gnome King asked.

“I, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just scared that Dipper wouldn’t be my friend if I tell him.” Wirt admitted.

“That’s ridiculous!” Greg declared. “Dipper will still be your friend even if he didn’t like you back, which is impossible.”

“How do you know that for a fact though?” Wirt inquired.

“It’s obvious, isn’t it?” Greg asked.

“No, not really.” Wirt replied.

“Don’t worry about it, Greg.” The king said. “People who are in love with another person are typically oblivious when the person they are in love with are also in love with them.”

“Oh. It’s still obvious.” Greg stated.

“I guess so. Now, I still have a few things to do today, so you two are free until you have to go to sleep.” The Gnome King said. “And, Wirt. You should definitely think about telling Dipper. Then you can take him to Silva Salto!”

“Si-sil, uh, I, um, Salto Silva? Silva Salto?” Wirt stuttered.

“I guess that’s too much to process right now, isn’t it?” The king said. “See you boys later! I’ve got work to do!”

“Bye, Dad!” Greg yelled. “Hey, hey, Wirt! What do you wanna do? I think we still have a puzzle we haven’t completed. You know, the one with all the bees and the flowers! Wirt! Wirt!”

“Oh, right. Sure, Greg. Let’s go solve that puzzle.” Wirt agreed.

Wirt thought about Dipper and Silva Salto all while Greg cheered and began working on the puzzle.

Chapter Text

“Dipper! Dipper! Wake up!” Mabel shouted.

“What is it?” Dipper said, suddenly awake. “Are we being attacked? Are aliens invading? Are our Grunkles dead? Wow. That was hard to say. Are our Grunkles dead? Try saying that five times fast.”

“No, silly.” Mabel responded. Dipper then lit up.

“Wait! It’s Soos’ birthday!”

“Yeah! And you know what that means?” Mabel asked.

“Laser tag and dinosaur cookies?”

“You betcha’!” Mabel replied.

“Do you remember the plan?” Dipper questioned.

“Of course I do!” Mabel answered. “I make sure Soos doesn’t open the Mystery Shack, and you confess to Wirt.”

“Mabel!” Dipper yelled.

“I’m joking! I’ll make double sure that Soos doesn’t work today, and you get Wirt and Greg so they can celebrate with us.”

“Right. Are you ready to set this plan into motion?”

“You know it bro-bro!”

The twins fist-bumped and went to go accomplish their respective jobs.

Dipper began running through the forest, and he grinned. He loved the forest. He loved everything about it, from the wind that blew on his face to the mud that got on his shoes.

He slowed down the closer he got to Wirt’s house. Okay. In. Out. In. Out. He could do this. He got this.

Dipper’s heart was already racing by the time he reached the door.

Come on, Dipper! It was just Wirt! Beautiful, amazing, awesome, and magnificent Wirt. He had done this before. Although, that was with Mabel.

Dipper knocked on the door. He didn’t even know why he was so nervous. It wasn’t’ like they were going on a date! They were just going to the laser tag arena for Soos’ birthday.

Greg opened the door.

“Dipper!” Greg yelled. “It’s great to see you!”

“It’s great to see you too, Greg.” Dipper said. “Hey, Mabel and I are going to the laser tag arena for Soos’ birthday. Would you and Wirt like to come with us?”

“Yes!” Greg shouted. “Wirt!”

“What is it, Greg?” A tired looking Wirt came to the front door and looked shocked when he saw Dipper. “Oh, hey, Dipper.”

“H-hi, Wirt.” Dipper’s palms felt sweaty. Wirt didn’t have his hat on, had bed hair, and seemed to still be half asleep. He was completely and utterly adorable.

“Hey, um, so.” Wirt ran a hand through his hair, causing bits and pieces of it to stand up. “Wh-what are you here for?”

“Laser tag!” Greg shouted.

“It’s Soos’ birthday, and we wanted to celebrate it by going to the laser tag arena.” Dipper explained. “Mabel is making sure that Soos doesn’t open the Mystery Shack.”

“Oh. Is there anything else planned?” Wirt asked.

“Yeah. We’re going to bake cookies.” Dipper stated.

Suddenly, Wirt’s stomach growled. He blushed slightly.

“I should probably eat first.” Wirt admitted. “You two, Greg. I know for a fact that you haven’t eaten yet.”

“Oh yeah. I forgot.” Greg said.

“Uh, Dipper. I, uh, don’t know if you’ve eaten yet, but you can come in if you want something.” Wirt stated.

“That would be great actually!” Dipper exclaimed. “Mabel and I might have gotten a little bit too excited about Soos’ birthday and forgotten to eat breakfast.”

“Gasp! How could anyone forget to eat breakfast?” Greg exclaimed.

“You, yourself, just forgot to eat breakfast.” Wirt pointed out.

“You’re worse about it.” Greg countered.

“I remind you to eat breakfast all the time.” Wirt argued.

“But you don’t remind yourself to eat, Mr. I’m-Too-Busy-To-Eat-A-Proper-Meal.”

“Okay, okay. You win. Just go eat.” Wirt said. “Come on in, Dipper.”

It then occurs to Dipper that this was the first time he had ever been to Wirt’s house. The entire place smelled of wood and cinnamon and had a very homey feel. It wasn’t exactly what Dipper was expecting, as Wirt was the Gnome Prince.

They went into what looked like a kitchen.

“What do you want to eat, Greg?” Wirt asked.

“Mmmmmm.” Greg thought. “Bacon and eggs!”

“What about you, Dipper?”

“I’ll have the same thing.” Dipper answered.

Wirt began to get out the ingredients and began cooking.

Greg began to hum as he kicked his legs back and forth. Soon after Greg began humming, Wirt started to hum as well.

Light from the window was falling and bathing the kitchen in the sun’s rays. The light hit Wirt in a way that made him look like an angel. Or, at least, Dipper thought so.

And there Wirt was, bathed in light and humming with his brother while making breakfast all with his wonderfully messy hair.

“I love you.” The words fell out before Dipper could stop them.

“What?” Wirt stopped, looking at Dipper with a look of surprise on his face.

“Uh, nothing.” Dipper’s face was red, so he tried to tug down his hat to hide his face.

“Oh, um, okay.” Wirt looked down at the food he was cooking with a red tint on his face.

“He didn’t say nothing.” Greg piped in. “He said ‘I-’”

“I didn’t say anything!” Dipper interrupted.

“What? You did too!” Greg claimed.

“S-So, Greg. What kind of cookies to you want to make later?” Dipper asked in an attempt to change the subject.

“Sugar cookies!” Greg shouted. “Or, or maybe we can make the really soft and fluffy ones. What were those called again? Loaf cookies? Loft cookies?”

“Lofthouse cookies.” Wirt answered.

“Lofthouse cookies!” Greg repeated.

“You can make those?” Dipper asked.

“Ye-yeah.” Wirt answered. “We can ask Jeff for his recipe.”

“Wait, Jeff?” Dipper questioned.

“Yeah! Jeff!” Greg said. “He’s not the greatest to hang out with, but his cookies are tasty!”

“You’ve met Jeff?” Wirt inquired.

“Yeah. He kidnapped Mabel.” Dipper deadpanned.

“Well, then. How about we go to Amy for the recipe? She’s his sister.” Wirt explained.

“That sounds like a more preferable option, honestly.” Dipper said.

“Let’s go ask her now!” Greg proclaimed as he began to get up out of his chair.

“Wait! Greg! You still haven’t eaten yet!” Wirt yelled.

“Oh. Yeah.” Greg went back to his chair to wait for the food that was currently being cooked.

Greg sat there for a minute, looking kind of board, before bolting up.

“Wait! I forgot something!” Greg shouted before running off.

“Greg! What are you doing? You haven’t even eaten yet!” Wirt shouted out after him, although Greg could no longer hear him.

“I wonder what he forgot.” Dipper commented.

“Who knows? It could actually be something super important, or it could be something like thinking that one thing in his room is slightly out of place, and he needs to check to make sure that it is still in place.” Wirt said.

“That second one is oddly specific.” Dipper said. Wirt giggled.

“Yeah. Greg kind of does that on a fairly regular basis. He always says he needs things in certain places for his room to feel right.” Wirt explained.

“Mabel and I feel like that as well. I guess it’s just because it’s more difficult to find things if they aren’t in the place that you always put them.”

“That makes sense.” Wirt put some bacon and eggs on a few plates. “Greg! Breakfast is ready!”

“One second!” Greg exclaimed before running back to the kitchen, panting, and holding a piece of paper and a crayon.

“What’s that?” Dipper asked.

“It’s a present for Soos! It’s his birthday, right?” Greg answered.

“Yeah.”

“Well, you give presents to people on their birthdays!” Greg explained. “Would you like to see it?”

“Greg, as much as I would love to see the picture you make for Soos, you still have to eat.” Wirt stated.

“Alright.” Greg sat down. “You can still see it before we eat, right?”

“Sure. Why not?”

Greg showed off a slightly crude picture of the Mystery Shack. It was a very simplified version of it, and the sign of the Mystery Shack was too big, and the letters were so large that Greg ran out of room on the page, so the ‘K’ at the end of the Mystery Shack was not there. Mystery Shack was also spelled as “Misterre hac”, and the ‘S’ that kept falling off the roof of the Mystery Shack was the size of the Mystery Shack in the drawing. Greg had also drawn various creatures scattered around the Mystery Shack with a plethora of question marks surrounding the creatures and the Mystery Shack.

“Isn’t it amazing?” Greg asked.

“Of course. I’m sure Soos will love it.” Wirt said.

“Yeah! It’s really awesome, Greg!” Dipper exclaimed.

“Thanks!” Greg put down the drawing. “Now let’s eat!”

Greg immediately began to eat his food, and Wirt and Dipper followed suit.

“So, what have you guys been doing?” Dipper questioned.

“I’ve been giving Greg language lessons.” Wirt replied.

“They’re all gross.” Greg said.

“They aren’t gross!” Wirt protested.

“Yes, they are. Why does everything have so many conjugations? Why are there so many rules? Why are there so many words that start with the letter ‘q’?” Greg inquired.

“Greg, I already told you the answers to all those questions.” Wirt said.

“I know. I know. But seriously. Latin has so many ‘q’ words! And they all mean super similar things!” Greg complained.

“That’s definitely true.” Dipper interjected. “Let’s see, there was quis, quid, quod, quae, qui…”

“Dipper. Those all mean the same thing.” Greg deadpanned.

“But they are different genders.” Wirt pointed out. “And you still have to learn all of those.”

“Ech.”

“What’s the worst of the languages you have to learn?” Dipper asked.

“Backwards English.” Greg answered. “It’s so confusing, and there aren’t really any rules or anything. It’s just English, but backwards. And there is a completely different set of pronouncey thing-a-ma-things.”

“I think the right word is thing-a-ma-jigs.” Wirt said.

“Thing-a-ma-jigs, thing-a-ma-things! They’re both basically the same thing anyways!”

“I, I guess so.” Wirt responded.

“And Dipper! Can you believe I have to learn grammar?” Greg exclaimed.

“I don’t know, Greg. Grammar is kind of important.” Dipper replied.

“None of it makes any sense though!” Greg complained. “It all depends on the gender of the noun, and if it’s plural or not, and it’s just super confusing.”

“I mean, I guess so, but it’s still something that is important for you to learn.” Wirt stated.

“Why?”

“Because you are also technically a prince, and therefore have to learn these things.” Wirt answered.

“But you’re the one who’s going to be the Gnome King one day.” Greg pointed out.

“Yes, but there is still the possibility that I won’t be able to become the Gnome King, and you’ll have to take my place.” Wirt explained.

Dipper really didn’t want to touch that subject at all or under any circumstances, so he decided to change the subject.

“What else have you guys been doing lately other than language lessons?” Dipper asked.

“I’ve been hanging out with friends!” Greg answered.

“What do you do with them?” Dipper questioned.

“We play games like Two Old Cat.”

“Two Old Cat? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that game.” Dipper stated.

“The game is fun and really simple! First you have to find two old cats, and then-” Greg stopped in the middle of his sentence. “Actually, I could show you! We can play Two Old Cat right now!”

Greg began to get up from his seat, but then Wirt stopped him.

“Wait, Greg. You have to finish your food first.”

“Alright, Wirt.” Greg sat back down, quickly gobbled up the rest of his food, and then got back up. “Come on, come on! Let’s play!”

“Hold on a moment, Greg. I have to finish my food too.” Dipper followed suit and ate his the rest of his food as quickly as he could.

“If you eat that quickly, you’re going to get the hiccups you know.” Wirt mentioned.

“It’s fine! I won’t get *hic*” Dipper paused and had the decency to look embarrassed. “The hiccups.”

“I would say I told you so…”

“But you’ve *hic* already said that.” Dipper stated.

“I’ll grab you a glass of water or something.” Wirt stood up to grab a glass of water from the kitchen.

“You should ask out Wirt.” Greg suddenly said.

“Wh-wh *hic* what?” Dipper stumbled.

“You should ask out Wirt because he’s being dumb and not asking you out.” Greg explained. “So you should ask him out.”

“I, I can’t just ask out Wirt, Greg.” Dipper stated.

“Why not?” Greg asked.

“Well, uh, um, I don’t *hic* even know if, if he likes me or not. *hic*” Dipper answered.

“You sound like Wirt.” Greg said. “You are both dumb.”

“Well, *hic*” Dipper began, but then Wirt came back.

“Here’s a glass of water. Hopefully your hiccups will go away when you drink it.” Wirt stated.

Dipper took the glass of water and proceeded to drink all of it. He waited a moment and didn’t seem to hiccup.

“I guess that worked.” Wirt commented.

“Just wait a little bit.” Dipper said. “They’ll probably come back.”

“I just hope they won’t come back during laser tag!” Greg exclaimed. “It would distract you!”

“That’s certainly true!” Dipper laughed.

“Come on! Come on!” Greg insisted. “We’ve finished breakfast, so now it’s time to celebrate Soos’ birthday, right?”

“Right!” Dipper agreed. “Onwards!”

The three of them left the house and made their way to the Mystery Shack.

Dipper opened the door and was immediately attacked by his sister.

“Dipper! You’re back! You took much longer than I thought you would.” Mabel gave Dipper a suspicious look.

“Well, uh, Wirt and Greg hadn’t exactly eaten breakfast yet, and I guess I hadn’t either…” Dipper began to explain, but was interrupted by Mabel.

“You guys all ate together? Without me?” Mabel made a fake sad face.

“You weren’t there.”

“Rude.” Mabel stuck her tongue out at Dipper.

“Mabel! I love your sweater!” Greg shouted.

Mabel was wearing a purple sweater with a green dinosaur on it, along with a green skirt and headband.

“Thanks, Greg! You know, I could make you a matching one.” Mabel suggested.

“Really? That would be awesome!” Greg exclaimed. “Can I get a green one with a purple dinosaur on it?”

“Of course!” Mabel replied. “Now come on, you guys! We need to get to the laser tag arena!”

“Where’s Soos?” Dipper asked.

“He’s coming. He’s just getting changed into more comfortable clothing.” Mabel said. “He tried to open the Mystery Shack! On his birthday!”

“What? No.” Both Greg and Dipper said at the same time. Then they both started laughing.

“Jinx!” Greg shouted. “You owe me a soda!”

“Greg, you don’t drink soda.” Wirt commented.

“That’s not the point, Wirt.” Greg said.

“Well, it’s not like I’m lying. You don’t drink soda.” Wirt said.

“Why not?” Mabel questioned.

“It’s too bubbly, and it kind of burns.” Greg stuck his tongue out. “So I don’t really like it that much.”

“Those are the exact reason I like soda.” Mabel giggled. “But to each their own, I guess.”

“Soos!” Dipper yelled. “Are you done getting dressed yet?”

“Almost, dudes!” Soos yelled back.

After a few moments, Soos could be seen by the mass of children at the door.

“I’m here, dudes, but, uh…” Soos scratched the back of his head. “Did you really have to make me not open up the Mystery Shack?”

“Of course, Soos!” Mabel replied. “We can’t have you working on a day like today!”

“Yeah!” Greg yelled. “Oh yeah! I also have something to give you!”

“What? Really?” Soos asked. “Well, what is it, little dude?”

Greg took out his drawing that he had previously shown Dipper and Wirt and handed it to Soos.

Soos took the drawing, and he smiled broadly when he got it.

“Thank you! I really appreciate it.” Soos pat Greg on the head, and Greg grinned.

“Let’s go to the laser tag arena now!” Greg demanded. “Come on! Come on!”

“Alright, alright, Greg.” Mabel said. “Are you ready, Soos?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Soos replied.

“Then let’s go!” Mabel declared.

The five of them made their way to the laser tag arena and began to play.

“Don’t worry, Soos. We’ll be sure to back you up.” Dipper said. Soos laughed.

“Don’t get taken by time travelers this time, alright?” Soos asked.

“If they do show up, we’re ready to beat them!” Mabel declared.

“Wait a minute. What’s up with the time travelers?” Wirt questioned as he immediately got shot. “Really?”

“Don’t worry, Wirt! I’ll avenge you!” Greg declared. A ran off and, a minute later, groaning could be heard.

“Greg! Did you get shot?” Mabel asked. “I’ve got this!”

Mabel then proceeded to get shot.

The person who had shot all three of them was then shot by Dipper.

“I have avenged all of you!” Dipper shouted. They laughed.

“My hero.” Wirt giggled.

Dipper blushed at how adorable Wirt was and also at his small fantasy about rescuing Wirt from a tower or dragon and being his knight in shining armor.

In the mist of his daydreaming, he didn’t realize he had gotten shot.

“I’ve got this, dudes.” Soos stepped forward and began to shoot people down left, right, and center.

It became an all-out war. Children, adults, and teenagers alike were screaming at the top of their lungs in triumph or defeat as they shot people or they got shot. No one was spared. No one was shown mercy. It was every team for themselves, and the team the Pines family was on won by a substantial degree.

“I can’t believe how much better you’ve gotten at laser tag, Soos!” Dipper said as they all left the laser tag arena and began to make their way back home.

“Well, that’s what happens when you do stuff a lot.” Soos replied.

“Well, would you like to make cookies with us?” Mabel asked.

“Um…” Soos frowned. “As much as I would love to help you guys make some cookies, I think I just need some alone time today. Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry, Soos.” Dipper declared. “We understand.”

Soos smiled and went to his room once they returned to the Mystery Shack.

“We’re still making cookies though, right?” Greg questioned.

“Of course!” Mabel proclaimed. “We’re going to make the best cookies ever!”

“Oh my god!” Wirt exclaimed. “I just realized we forgot to ask Amy for the cookie recipe!”

“Oh! That’s right!” Greg said. “We could probably go now to ask her.”

“We could also just try to look up the recipe.” Dipper stated.

“Wait. What cookies were we making again?” Mabel questioned.

“Lofthouse cookies!” Greg answered.

Mabel got out her phone and stuck her tongue out as she searched up a recipe.

http://www.centercutcook.com/lofthouse-soft-sugar-cookies-copycat-recipe/

“Got it!” Mabel exclaimed. “Okay, so we’ll need sugar, butter, eggs, sour cream, vanilla extract, flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt for the actual cookies. There’s also a frosting recipe if you want to know what we’ll need for that.”

“Of course we want the frosting recipe!” Greg shouted. Mabel laughed.

“Alright, for the frosting, we’ll need powdered sugar, vanilla extract, milk, and butter.”

The boys got out all the ingredient, as well as a baking pan and a bowl.

“Alright. So, first we gotta preheat the oven to 350 degrees.” Mabel went to go preheat the oven. “Also, you guys should probably put the butter in the microwave for a couple of seconds, since it needs to be softened. There needs to be ½ a cup of butter.”

The cooking process proceed like this, with Mabel reading out the directions and the boys getting out the ingredients and shoving them into a bowl. This, of course, was done in an extremely messy manner with varying degrees of chaos.

“Now all we have to do is wait for eleven minutes.” Mabel said after they put the cookies into the oven.

“And make the frosting!” Greg pointed out.

“Yes, yes. And make the frosting.” Mabel agreed.

“We should really clean up in here though.” Wirt suggested. “It’s a complete mess!”

“Well, you can clean the kitchen, and Mabel and me can make the frosting.” Greg stated.

“And what will I be doing?” Dipper asked.

“You can help Wirt clean the kitchen.” Greg said.

“But wouldn’t the kitchen just become dirty again after you guys make the frosting?” Dipper questioned.

“Well, yeah, but it wouldn’t be as dirty as it was previously.” Mabel said.

“How can you be so sure?” Dipper inquired.

“Because the frosting doesn’t use flour, and flour is the majority of the mess in here.” Mabel explained. “So get cleaning!”

“Only if you guys help afterwards.” Dipper said.

“Alright, alright. But cookies will probably be done before we have to help.” Mabel stated.

“You still have to wait for them to cool down.” Wirt pointed out.

“Yeah, Mabel. Stop trying to get out of cleaning.” Dipper accused.

“Me? Try to get out of cleaning? Preposterous! Absolutely preposterous!” Mabel declared before breaking down into laughter.

“Mabel is innocent!” Greg giggled.

“Innocent until proven guilty.” Wirt interjected. Mabel pretended to look offended.

“How cruel, Wirt. And here, I thought you would be on my side.”

“You’re the one who decided to get out of cleaning.” Dipper said.

“My own brother has turned against me!” Mabel clasped her hands to her chest. “Greg, you’re my only brother now.”

“The pact has been sealed.” Greg grinned and attempted to hold back his laughter.

“Well, that isn’t ominous at all.” Wirt commented.

Chapter Text

Okay, so, while I’m not going to be continuing this fic, here is what I would have done had I not lost the motivation and energy to continue this.

The next chapter (after Soos’s birthday) was going to be the one where Dipper and Wirt finally got together. There was going to be a party that Mabel threw, and Dipper and Wirt get together at some point during the party.

The next chapter was a date. McGucket went with the tradition of holding a party at the Northwest Manor, and everyone is invited and has a great time.

Then the Woodstick festival. I have no idea where I was going with this idea, but another date and possibly something with the Love God.

The next chapter was going to be how Greg got sick, and Wirt was worrying over him and taking care of him.

After Greg gets better, they all go to other tourist places and prank them, like in the Roadside Attraction episode.

Then I was going to write a more sad chapter about how Wirt and Greg’s mother died when she gave birth to Greg. It was mostly going to be about how Mabel and Dipper learn of the death.

The next chapter was about Wirt’s father asking if Wirt has a date to Silva Salto. Of course, this time, he does, and his father insists on having dinner with Dipper. So, Dipper is invited to the family dinner, and Mabel probably would have joined as well.

The next chapter was going to be where things went down. Turns out, Wirt’s father has been getting Beatrice to collect various things to create a potion? Spell? Thing that would bring his dead wife back to life. As you can probably guess, this didn’t go well for anybody and backfired horribly. But, the day is saved, and everyone can go back to their lives.

The next chapter was going to be about planning the twins’ birthday party. I have no idea what would have been in this chapter.

The last chapter of this story was going to be Silva Salto. Wirt and Dipper go to Silva Salto (I was considering making a playlist for the dance). It’s as stuffy and uptight as you think it would be, but Dipper and Wirt do dance to a few slow songs. Wirt asks Dipper if he could kiss him, so they kiss, and then decide to go to the twins’ birthday party, where they have a lot more fun.

I was also planning on making this a series, where the next story would have been the two marrying, and Wirt officially becoming the Gnome King.

The next story would have been when Bill came back. (I was going to do research on if The Beast had any connections with the Aztec gods). At this point, Stanley would have been dead, and some people would have kids, and the prophecy actually works this time around.