Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It took several days for Noah to emerge from the fog of his mind. At least, that’s what his friends would say later when he asked. Fragments of memory were all that he could recall when sifting through the cloudy mess in his head...

          ...a cold, wet rag under Lanz’s hands, wiping his broken body...

                                 ...the sound of Eunie tearing fabric and wrapping the weeping scars on his torso...

                                                                  ...Taion dressing him, carefully pulling a shirt over his head... the hiss he made when his body protested, and promptly choking at the sound of his own pain...

                                                                                      ...Sena’s determined silhouette in the moonlight, on sentry duty amidst his bouts of sleep, watching over him, keeping him safe...

                                                                                                                     ...the cool taste of metal as Manana forced a spoonful of soup between his lips... Riku’s wing patting his back as he immediately vomited it into an empty bowl nearby, the sour tang of bile on his tongue...

                             ...Mio gently humming...

Noah had heard Mio’s humming a few times before. He sometimes woke before the others at camp while Mio made her usual pot of soup for breakfast. She would always hum a merry melody under her breath as she stirred. The first morning he’d heard, he had rustled out of the tent to listen, but her ears twitched, and she immediately stopped, apologising for waking him. Noah was never in a rush to leave the tent after that morning. Instead, if he was awake early enough to hear her songs, he would lie there and let the music sing him awake with a smile.

In the cell, the humming felt different. There was now an edge to the tone of Mio’s voice, like the desperate flicker of a candleflame too close to the end of the wick. Yet, it was warm all the same, and while the other memories of... afterwards... came and went with blurry recollection, Mio’s voice was always in focus. It became a mantra to hold onto. He called upon it now as he sat with his back against the stone of the wall, steadying his breathing.

After all, he’d have to remember it when she was gone.

The eclipse was a just over week away now. Noah cursed himself for missing so much time in the fog. It was time he could have tried escaping again or chipping away at the jail bars. It was time he could have been spending with her.

With Mio.

Before.

Before all of this.

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but Noah found himself dreaming again. Since N’s visit, the dreams happened like clockwork. Each night came with a new nightmare, and every nightmare came with a different vivid world of horror which Noah could never wake from until it was done with him. He pinched his arm to be sure, and winced as the pain confirmed that he was here until the dream released him.

The walls of the cell had been turned from stone to metal. The hum of the light above his head was loud, and it flickered occasionally, its dim light warping the shadows around him. A few crates lay abandoned, alongside a single cot and a basin. Otherwise, the room was empty. Noah was sure the room was only a few feet across, but it felt cavernous. He was utterly alone.

A pipe in the walls creaked next to his head. Noah flinched and hurried to his feet. The silence that followed was equally reassuring and foreboding. I’ve got to get out of here, he thought, looking for an exit. Upon first inspection, the walls were uniform with not a door in sight. Maybe there was a hidden switch somewhere? He could only hope that finding a way out of this room would end the dream. 

He started by moving the cot and the crates, pulling them away from the walls. No luck. He had equal success running his fingers along the walls, hoping in vain for a divot or marking to latch onto. Every so often, the light would flicker ominously, threatening to go out, and his heart began to race. He looked faster.

When he reached the basin, he stopped in confusion. A mirror hung on the wall above the taps, a mirror he was certain wasn’t there before. It gleamed, completely covered in condensation. Noah breathed deeply. Using his sleeve, he started to wipe the water from the surface of the glass, cold droplets seeping through the fabric. As he wiped, the skin of his hands began to shimmer. Needles pricked at his flesh, and his blood ran cold. The condensation began to smear across the mirror. He wiped faster. The lights flickered again. He looked up and froze.

N grinned back at him through the mirror.

Noah stumbled backwards, tripping on a crate. He fell to the floor with a metallic clang. N’s golden armour now encased him head to toe, the red light from his chest plate burning hot against the walls. His hands clawed at the metal, scrambling to free himself, and he gasped for air. He cried out as another pair of hands began to slide upwards from inside the armour. Warm fingers, with no-one attached to them, rubbed at his flesh, muscle and sinew burning at the touch. His body convulsed and he tried not to vomit. Noah kicked at his invisible assailant, but his feet found nothing. His cock began to stir, the warm fingers tracing lines along its length, while still more hands stretched upwards along his chest. One wrapped around his neck. Its sharp fingers squeezed into his jugular, Noah desperately trying to claw it from his throat, but his flesh shimmered, and his hands found no purchase, passing through whatever was strangling him like it was made of ether. The air in his lungs began to burn with nowhere to go. His cock throbbed, and his eyes watered. The hands held tighter, squeezing his very essence from his body-

Noah jerked awake with a yelp. He heaved the sweet, night air into his lungs, clutching at his throat. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He kicked at the ghosts of the hands that clung to his skin, the memory hot against his flesh, only to hear Lanz’s voice in his ear.

“Shh, shhh, hey mate, it’s me. I’m here. I’m here.”

“...Lanz?”

“Yeah, I’m here, I’ve got you. It’s okay now. It’s gonna be okay.”

Noah’s body began to quiver as he came to his senses. Lanz had him wrapped in a bear hug, trying to wrestle his own hand from his throat. “W-what...?”

“I have no idea, but I woke up and you were convulsing on the floor trying to throttle yourself.”

Noah stared at his body in horror. “I was?”

“Yeah. But I’ve got you. It’s gonna be alright.”

Noah tilted his head back to look at him. His eyes were bleary with sleep and worry, a hesitant smile on his lips. Noah quickly looked away.

“I’m... sorry... I’m so-” Noah tried to apologise, but his voice cracked, betraying him. A sob wracked his chest and burbled from his mouth.

Lanz said nothing. He simply held his friend closer, pulling him into a warm embrace, and letting Noah’s tears spill freely down his shirt.

When Noah awoke, Lanz was still holding him tight, his face pressed into Lanz’s chest. Beneath his ear, he could hear the warm and steady hum of his breath while he slept. Not wanting to wake him, Noah stayed still. His body, still heavy with sleep, obliged easily. He listened closer to the almost mechanical pulse of his friend’s heart. It beat with a clocklike precision, and Noah’s heart slowed to match its gentle thumping. The morning light began to filter through the bars above their heads, adding little embers of warmth to their already cosy embrace.

Noah had almost drifted back to sleep when Lanz began to stir. His chest shifted beneath Noah’s cheek, and he adjusted his arms around Noah’s frame with a little squeeze to ensure he was still there. Noah lifted his face upwards, suddenly aware that Lanz’s shirt was still damp from his tears. He blushed in shame.

“Morning, I guess?” Lanz whispered, stifling a yawn.

“Yeah.” Noah wanted nothing more than to bury his face back into Lanz’s chest. He settled for looking down at his arms.

“Seems like you got to rest a little better, yeah?”  

Noah startled at the thought. This was the first time he’d naturally woken in days, no nightmares, no yelling, no... him. “...Yeah,” was all he managed to say, still wondering why.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a grin spread across Lanz’s face. 

“What?” Noah looked up.

“Nah, it’s nothing.” A blush faintly coloured the grey of his cheeks. “I... uh, is this... okay?” He shrugged his shoulders, gesturing to the way his body cocooned Noah’s.

“Oh! Oh, um, it’s... comfortable,” Noah admitted with a nod. His face was burning now.

“It’s been a while since we slept in each other’s arms, eh?”

Memories from childhood resurfaced in Noah’s mind, of Lanz sneaking into Noah’s cot after a bad dream, of falling asleep holding his friend, of his arm going numb beneath Lanz’s waist and the gentle snoring beside him. But it wasn’t quite the same anymore. Something had changed between them, maybe since their time in the City. Now, there was a spark of something... new. He pondered the tingling in his fingers and the heat of their bodies intertwined. Doc Hollis’ words flashed before him, and a familiar blue wave filled his mind as the memory of N interrupted his thoughts, hissing that single word of explanation in his ear. [Arousal].

Suddenly, it felt like he was on fire. Noah scrambled away from Lanz and pressed his hands into the blissfully cold stone floor. He gulped in a mouthful of air, nearly choking.

Lanz flinched and stretched out his hand, as though trying to tame a wild Feris. “Woah, easy mate! Are you okay?”

Noah gradually caught his breath. “Sorry! Sorry, I just... panicked.”

“All good?”

“...yeah.”

 Lanz let out a sigh of relief. Noah flushed with shame.

“And hey, Noah?”

“Yeah?”

“If...” Lanz paused, scratching the back of his head. “If you need a good night’s sleep again, well... I’m here. If you need me. Don’t even need to ask.”

Noah opened his mouth to respond, but the words stuck to his tongue. He closed his mouth again.

Around them, the others began to stir, the sun fully above the horizon to start the day. Noah shuffled backwards to the wall and leaned against the stone, quietly wishing to be back in Lanz’s arms.

Still onwards, the hours marched on, coldly indifferent to the prison they were trapped in. Little crescent moons marked Noah’s arm as he pinched another nail into his skin. He didn’t want to sleep again, lest he endure another nightmare. Even so, there was an extra bitterness to the dilemma this time. He wanted to be in Lanz’s arms again, more than anything. The safety and warmth of his embrace might just keep him from his twisted visions.

And yet.

The afternoon light slid up the walls as the sun dipped below the window’s edge. Noah pinched harder into his skin. Either he faced the nightmares alone, or he risked Lanz discovering how… how… disgusting his mind had become. Not just the harm he wished upon himself, but the ugly desires that festered within him, desires he wouldn’t want to wish upon anyone. How he had ever thought about anyone with want, and worst of all, how he had imagined N, no, himself touching Mio, made bile rise in his throat. Lanz wasn’t allowed to see this side of him, ever.

His only remaining choice, Noah rationally decided, was to never sleep again.

His eyes grew heavy as his untouched dinner grew cold, and his limbs grew leaden as moonlight filtered into his prison. He bit his tongue in desperation. Bitter iron filled his mouth. Stealthily, the darkness snatched him away when he was unprepared, and he found himself jolting awake despite himself. A whimper left his throat.

Noah flinched as Lanz rolled over from his side of the cell.

“You alright, Noah?” came the hushed whisper.

“…y-yeah. I’m… it’s fine. I’m sorry if I woke you.” Internally, Noah swore a dozen times.

“I couldn’t sleep, ts’all good.”

They stayed in the silence for a while, Noah drowning in self-loathing. A skeeter chirped mournfully in the distance.

“I’ll keep watch if you like.” Lanz spoke softly.

Noah hesitated. “I can’t…”

“I promise. If you need me to, I’ll look out for you.”

It was so tempting, it would be so easy… “But… what if…”

“…what if what?”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Me, mate?” Lanz chuckled softly and sat up, facing Noah. “I’m built like an Ardun, how could you possibly-”

“Not-” Noah hissed, before quickly lowering his voice. “Not physically, Lanz.”

Lanz paused, considering his words. “You mean, like… him…?”

Noah fell silent.

Lanz shuffled closer, and Noah forced himself into complete stillness. He jolted as Lanz moved next to him, his leg touching his own, but he didn’t move.

“Noah… I…” Lanz let out a huff. “Ah, spark, I’m rubbish at this, but I’m going to try to get the words out right. You are not him.”

“But I-”

“I know, I know, let me finish. Whoever that N guy is, he, well, he can’t be you. I’ve been there with you from the first, and I think I probably know you even better than I know myself. The Noah I know? The Noah sitting here with me right now? You couldn’t hurt me if you tried. You’re my friend.”

Noah’s vision filled with tears. “I’m not the same anymore, Lanz. I think… I think something’s wrong with me.”

“And even if there is? I’m not gonna stop being your friend any time soon. In any case, I have your back, right? We can get through this together.”

Lanz put a hand on Noah’s back and gave a gentle pat.

“Plus,” Lanz continued, “it’s not just me either. The whole lot of us are here for you, don’t forget that. If it’s something I can’t help with, maybe Taion’s got a better idea, or Riku maybe. Eunie too. As much as I call her a muppet, she’s not all that dim. Sena’s smarter than she looks too, and Manana’s food solves like, 80% of our problems. At least in my case.”

Noah sniffled a little laugh.

“See? Now, how ‘bout I sit here with you till you get some rest? I wasn’t born yesterday, I can tell you’re trying not to fall asleep again.”

“Nothing gets past you, huh?”

“Not always, but I can tell when a friend needs help. Here, use my shoulder to rest.”

Noah hesitated.

“What’s wrong?”

Noah thought for a moment. How could he explain this to him? Would it ruin their friendship? The last thing he wanted was for Lanz to hate-

“I’m not going to hate you, I promise.”

Noah looked up at Lanz in surprise. His mahogany eyes were serious in the dim light.

“Hit the nail on the head, huh? Go on, you can tell me what’s bugging you.”

“If you’re sure, then…” Noah looked down, his face flushing. He swallowed hard. “It’s my body. Since… well, I get all mixed up. Not just emotionally, but… physically.” He paused hoping Lanz would understand. When he didn’t respond, he continued. “You know, like how, uh, Doc Hollis explained. In the City.”

“Oh… OH.” The penny dropped slowly for Lanz, but it did drop at last. Noah was burning with embarrassment by this point. “Do you mean, when… like last night? In your dreams?”

“Yeah… and…”

“And…?”

“…and this morning…”

“…this morning… when we woke up?”

“…yeah.”

“Riiight.”

“...”

Lanz coughed slightly, and Noah glanced upwards to see him looking a little flustered. “I mean, it’s perfectly natural though, isn’t it?”

“Natural?”

“In the morning! I think the Doc called it ‘morning wood’ or something, yeah?”

Noah thought for a moment.

“It’s not like I don’t get erect too,” Lanz carried on, clearly a little uncomfortable, but pressing on with determination. “I’ve had a couple of awkward mornings trying to… y’know, deal with the issue, and Eunie or Sena just barging on in trying to let everyone know breakfast is ready, and I’m there throwing blankets over my lap trying not to make anyone uncomfortable and…” He trailed off. “Point is, that I don’t think that you’re messed up just because you had ‘morning wood’.”

“I guess.” Noah needed a moment to take all of that in.

“I’m not gonna get embarrassed if that happens when you wake up, yeah? I’d rather you were okay and not forcing yourself awake all night. Rest, Noah.”

It was as though Lanz had drugged him as he said those final words. The exhaustion washed over Noah in a surge, his heavy limbs finally giving way as he slowly leant into Lanz’s chest and trusted his friend to keep the nightmares at bay, just for one night…

Noah moaned as the hand stroked gently along his length. Blindfolded and restrained, he should have been panicking, it was too much like then, and yet, the warmth of the flesh against his was too safe, too caring. The hand wrapped around him fully, and his body shuddered with pleasure. His back arched and his toes curled as he was brought closer and closer to bliss. This was what he wanted, what he needed, he gasped for air…

“Noah…” Lanz mumbled, his breath warm on the nape of his neck.

Noah jolted awake. The hand was gone and he was back in the cell. Instead, the purple light of predawn filtered through the bars, illuminating Lanz’s still-sleeping figure, slumped against the wall. His face was still warm from where it had been pressed into Lanz’s chest. Somehow he’d ended up in Lanz’s lap once again. Noah attempted to untangle himself from this predicament, blushing furiously, but realised he was pinned in place. While Lanz’s right arm dangled loosely by his side, the other was wrapped around Noah’s hip and resting against his thigh, dangerously close to…

Noah swallowed. His cock twitched, still hard from the dream, likely caused in the first place by Lanz’s pressure on his leg. He suddenly didn’t want to move.

Lanz mumbled once again, like a gentle whisper in Noah’s ear, his breath sending a shudder along his spine. He shifted his hips beneath Noah’s frame, pulling their bodies closer together. At once, Noah felt something hard pressing into his hip. He choked on his breath as he realised he wasn’t the only one who was erect.

He stayed frozen in place for a while, head spinning with questions. What was Lanz going to think when he woke up and realised what this looked like? Was he having those dreams too? Was there someone in his dreams, maybe Eunie or Sena?

“Mmm… please… Noah… mm!” Lanz’s breath hitched and his hips canted upwards against Noah’s body. Noah watched with ardent curiosity as Lanz’s emotions flushed across his face. Was it him in Lanz’s dream, touching him and making him feel thi-

His question was interrupted as Lanz’s eyes fluttered open. Noah tore his gaze away, pointedly staring at his own arm.

“Morning already?” Lanz murmured.

“Uh, yeah, I think it almost is.”

Lanz yawned and lifted his arms to stretch, inadvertently grazing his hand against Noah’s cock, still hard, and Noah groaned a little at the sudden friction he needed. Lanz froze, taking a second to process what was happening.

Noah’s brain worked faster. “S-sorry,” he stammered, trying to catch his breath. “I don’t know-”

“Ah, sparks! I’m sorry!” Lanz shook his head and held up his hands in apology. A quiet part of Noah wished he’d simply put his hands back against his body, but he hastily buried the thought.

Awkwardly, they untangled themselves and sat side by side against the wall, attempting to shield their embarrassments from each other.

“Still completely natural?” Noah asked.

“Well, yeah.” Lanz blushed. “Awkward as all spark though.”

“Even when… I mean, um, I hope it wasn’t my fault.”

“How could it have been? I was just helping you sleep.”

“You were, um, talking a little when I woke up.”

“I was?”

“Not a lot, but it seemed a little… like you were enjoying your dream.”

“Oh.”

“And you said my… my name too.”

Lanz hid his face in his hands. “Oh snuff.”

“It’s ok! I mean, it’s… have you ever… does this normally…?”

“Have I had dreams like that before? Yeah, actually. I don’t know exactly what’s going on in my head, but you’ve… shown up in them sometimes. The others, too. The Doc mentioned that those hormone-thingies do that sometimes. But I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable.”

“No actually, I think it is okay. Really.”

“Really?”

“Well,” Noah felt the blush on his face deepen, “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t also… you know, last night.”

“Oh. Was it… okay? I mean, you weren’t screaming or trying to hurt yourself when you woke up, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it was… nice, actually.”

“That’s an improvement then!”

Noah glanced up at Lanz, still blushing furiously but now also smiling down at him. He felt the edges of a smile creep onto his own face.

“Yeah. An improvement.”

“Well, that’s the important thing, yeah? I guess if you need me, and I can help, then…”

Noah looked at the ground in from of him and nodded gently. “Please.”

As they sat for a while, both lost in thought, the cell seemed a little brighter, even before the sun lifted itself over the horizon.

Later in the morning, Mio began to hum once again. Noah’s heart lurched.

Chapter Text

“Noah, love, can you show me your hands?”

Noah snapped out of his thoughts at Eunie’s voice. She squatted in front of him, head cocked to one side. It must have been sometime around midday judging by the bright light on her wings. He put his hands out in front of him, and hissed under his breath as Eunie brushed her fingers over the open wounds on his knuckles.

“Sorry, that stings, yeah?”

“It does.”

“Hm. Gimme a tick.” Eunie reached for a scrap of cloth and a small cup of water she’d kept since breakfast, dousing the fabric. “It’s no ether, and it’s certainly not sterilised, but I can at least try to clean it. May I?”

Noah nodded. As she dabbed the cloth on each sore, he frowned, remembering Eunie’s normal cotside manner. One time he’d dislocated his shoulder after a particularly nasty fight and before he’d even sat down, she’d grabbed his arm and cracked it back into place. The pain had been horrendous for the second that his bones snapped together, but instead of apologising, she’d simply shrugged at him, shot an ether bullet into his arm to numb the pain, and said “thank me later”. Now, here she was, asking to see his wounds.

He knew all too well what had changed.

“There, that’ll do for now. I’ll check again tomorrow, okay?” She paused, a question held between her lips.

“…what?” Noah ventured. He wasn’t going to like the answer, but it was clearly bothering her.

“I need to check your sides too. And the rest of you.” A tinge of embarrassment coloured her cheeks.

He shook his head violently, nausea seizing his guts and his body recoiling from her. “I can’t do that.”

“I know.”

“Then why did you even ask-!” His voice echoed back to him off the walls of the cell. Over Eunie’s shoulder, he saw Sena and Taion looking at him. He tore his gaze down to the floor.

“I have to ask.” Eunie’s voice was level and laced with pity. “It’s been over a week, and I need to check if you’re alright.”

Noah’s thoughts streamed through him. The aching and stinging hadn’t really stopped, he realised, he’d simply started ignoring the pain. It flared in his sides and his ass as he became aware of his injuries again, discomfort, shame, anger seeping through him. His eyes watered.

“I can leave it be for now. I’m sorry,” Eunie said.

He nodded dumbly.

She lingered for a moment, her eyes looking him over in quick assessment.

Noah wished he was dead.

“I’ll have a think. We can figure out how to get you through this, yeah? The eclipse is only a few days away, but snuff it if we’re going to roll over and let them kill us.” She nodded her head in Taion’s direction. “Brains over there in the corner hasn’t stopped strategizing, and neither will the rest of us. But to do that, we need you alive. Don’t go dying on us, alright? For Mio’s sake.”

Mio.

Noah nodded. “I… I want to help her. More than anything. But my body… not right now. I’ll give it some thought too.”

“Okay.” Satisfied, Eunie pushed herself up and stretched her legs. “I’ll ask again after we’ve done some thinking. I’m gonna chat with the others but give a shout if you don’t feel okay about anything we suggest.”

“…yeah.”

Noah vaguely watched her walk away to the others. They were all so far away from him these days. Did he do that? He wanted to bridge the distance, to join the semicircle they arranged themselves into to talk, but shame lay leaden in his legs and refused to move. He resigned himself to stay on his side of the cell. It was probably for the best.

Eunie sat herself down next to Sena. Taion lifted his head from where he was tracing dust on the floor and stretched his neck with a crack. Lanz shuffled forward and gave Noah a warm smile, angling himself to keep Noah included from across the room.

“Right, sound off. How are you guys holding up today?” Eunie asked.

There was a long pause before anyone answered. It’s hard to hide how you’re feeling when your life is confined to a single room.

“There’s not much to add, if I’m being honest,” Taion said. “I’m still attempting to run through the options for fighting our way out of here on the day of the ceremony, but the problem is knowing just how many guards we’d have to fight, and what the security they have in store for us might look like.” He sighed. “The fact that time is not on our side isn’t helping me keep a level head.”

“No change in patrol routines either.” Sena added, “I’m still keeping an eye out for anything different. It’s not looking likely though.”

“And even if they did change, we still don’t have a way to bust through the walls or the bars. Looks like Taion’s predictions are all we have to go on.” Lanz nodded.

“How about you, Eunie?” Taion asked.

“Feeling a bit useless, really. Never realised how much I use my ether when I’m not thinking about it. Which brings me to the issue at hand.” She smiled over towards Noah. “I want to make sure we’re fighting fit, but it’s hard without any healing. Particularly, I want to make sure Noah’s okay, but not in a way that makes him uncomfortable. Any ideas?”

They fell silent in thought for a moment. Noah wanted to speak, to say he was fine, but the words wouldn’t form. It wasn’t such a big deal, he was fine, he was fine, he was fine, he was fi-

“Would it help if we could provide some privacy?” Sena asked.

“Good point.” Taion nodded. “Medical tents are normally a little ways from the sleeping tents for that exact reason, plus the curtains they often use to separate the cots.”

“The hospital in the city uses those curtain dividers too, right? On top of having separate rooms and being a whole different building.”  Sena chimed in.

“That’s not ideal for us though, innit?” Eunie said. “We don’t have the luxury of privacy when Lanz could probably touch both sides of the cell at the same time.”

Lanz nodded. He seemed to be trying to process something; Noah could see the gears in his brain turning from across the room.

“And the open view into the corridor doesn’t help much either.” Taion said.

“That’s still only part of the issue.” Eunie frowned. She opened her mouth to speak, but her voice caught in her throat with a rasp. She took a deep breath and tried again. “I don’t want to make Noah go through that again.”

There was a long silence.

“Noah,” Lanz spoke, “can I fill the others in?”

Noah looked up and met Lanz’s gaze. Where he expected pity and embarrassment, he found only empathy and strength. Trust me. I love you.

Noah nodded.

Lanz smiled and turned back to Eunie. There were questions on all their faces but with no intention of asking them, waiting for him to speak.

“Noah and I have been talking a little while you guys are asleep,” Lanz began. “The nightmares he’s having… well, I wouldn’t wish them on anyone. But they’re also making things complicated.”

Taion looked knowingly at Lanz. He had a suspicion where this was heading.

Lanz continued. “I don’t know how to explain it right, but because of him, Noah’s hormones seem to be misfiring, you know? Like the stuff Doc was explaining to us.”

“I’d read about this a little after the talk at the hospital.” Taion nodded. “My own digging on the archive led to me to some unpleasant information about the subject of intimacy. Apparently, some people- Moebius included- use any tool they can to inflict confusion and pain on others. Some survivors share their stories anonymously to help others deal with the ‘post-traumatic stress’.”

“That’s… after going through something like that, you’d have to be really brave sharing your experience with everyone.” Sena shuddered.

“Horribly, Noah isn’t the first to have gone through this,” Taion continued. “But he’s not alone. And based on what I read, this confusion you’re talking about, Lanz, is very common.”

Eunie’s face turned dark. “Spark, I want to find every last one of those Moebius mudders and make them wish they’d never been fucking born.”

There was something simmering in Eunie that Noah hadn’t seen before, and he recognised it. Whatever D did to her on Colony 18’s battlefield in her past life, it must have been on par with N's violence against him.

Sena, a little paler than she’d been a moment ago, hesitantly spoke again. “T-Taion, what do you mean by ‘confusion’ in this case?”

Taion’s cheeks turned red, and his mouth opened and closed like that of a beached fish.

Lanz came to his aid. “You remember how Doc explained ‘The Ansels and The Apis’ to us? How the body physically reacts to make it easier for folks trying to make a baby?”

“Oh.” Sena said, before the realisation dawned on her. “OH.”

“Because he used it against Noah, it’s…” Taion continued, regaining his composure. “Well, it’s probably happening in unhelpful ways right now.” He paused as he looked at Lanz, and seeing the thoughts forming on his face, he waited for Lanz to speak.

“Hmm… I’d like to check this with Noah first, but I have an idea,” Lanz said.

Noah took a deep breath. He didn’t want to be here, he didn’t want to be here, he-

Lanz squeezed his hand. “We can stop at any time. Just keep your focus on me, okay?” In the darkness, the glint in his mahogany eyes showed the strength Noah lacked.

He took a deeper, slower breath and nodded.

“Alright Noah, let’s get this sorted.” He could hear that Eunie was struggling to be normal about this, but normality was a key part of this. The old Eunie, abrupt cotside manner and all, no awkwardness, no pity.  

“Shirt off,” she barked.  

Well, he had requested it like this.

Lanz stood between him and the rest of the cell, providing as much privacy as his frame could muster, shielding him into the corner. Beyond that, close to the bars of the cell, Sena, Taion, Riku, and Manana were sitting facing into the corridor, having a loud conversation about ideal training routines. Faintly, he could hear Mio giving her two cents from down the hall. Eunie stood next to Noah, fussing her feathers as she waited for him to comply.

Noah’s hands shook as he lifted the hem of his shirt up over his abdomen and held it there.

Eunie shook her head. “Nope, off it goes. I need to see your whole back.”

He swallowed. Noah recalled the innumerable times Eunie and Lanz had seen him naked, counting each memory individually. By the time he recalled a seventh memory, he steeled himself and tugged the shirt over his head. It was just like normal. A routine check-up.

Eunie’s fingers were cold on his shoulder, and he jumped at her touch. Convincing himself this would just be a normal check-up already seemed impossible. He looked pleadingly up at Lanz.

“Looking good, mate,” Lanz smiled. “Right here with you. What are you thinking?”

“I… I don’t know,” he said. Eunie was already moving, second shoulder under inspection. The scrutiny was unbearable, he felt like-

“Talk to me, just babble if you need. Is your shoulder alright?”

“I-I feel like an Armu being sized up for dinner!” Noah blurted out. His face burned in embarrassment.

“Ha! I know Eunie gets hungry, but not like that.” Lanz smirked. “Even if a whole Armu is her idea of a snack.”

“Oi, watch it, you hypocrite!”

Lanz ignored her outcry. “What else, Noah?”

“It’s weird, that’s all.” Eunie poked and prodded along his spine. He winced as she found a bruise about halfway down.

“Yep, that’s a doozy. Bit of a nasty purple colour. Pain on that from 1-10?” she asked.

“I don’t know, a three?”

“Nothing broken then. Good.”

“Good job, keep talking.” Lanz encouraged.

Noah opened his mouth to talk just as Eunie touched the dressings along his side. A noise escaped him, somewhere between a hiss and a moan. “Weird,” he gasped out.

Lanz nodded. “Weird how? Tell me how you’re feeling.”

“I-it’s painful, stinging, but it’s nice. I can feel it, it’s actually real, I feel real.”

“Yeah? Like after a brutal training session?”

“No, not-”

Eunie slowly unwound the fabric from his abdomen. His brain started to stutter.

“Not that kind of feeling?” Lanz pressed.

“Less achy. Sharper, like a hot knife.”

“I think I understand? Kinda?”

“I don’t know why… why is it…” Noah shuddered as Eunie dabbed water along the wound. He could feel himself stirring.

“Imagine it differently then.” Lanz said. “Like a cold shower after a walk through Danagh.”

Noah looked back at Lanz and tried to picture it. He, Lanz, and Eunie in the baths at Colony 4, cold water trickling down his back. He could feel the tension leaving his shoulders, as they washed each other, his hands rubbing circles across Lanz’s chest and Eunie’s fingers wiping the claying dirt from his skin, her fingers so delicate as they trailed lower towards his hipbones…

Noah opened his eyes with a start. His hands were on Lanz and Eunie was redressing his wound. He moved to pull back, but Lanz put his hands over his own and held them in place.

“No hurry, I don’t mind.” His heartbeat was fast beneath the palm of Noah’s hand. “What were you imagining?”

“We…” Noah hesitated. Eunie poked another bruise, and he hurriedly tried to distract himself. “We were washing each other.”

“You and me?”

“Eunie t-too.”

Lanz blushed. “Sounds nice.”

Eunie tucked the edge of the dressing in place. “Yeah, can’t wait to have a proper shower when we get out of here. Ooh! Maybe even one of those hot springs we found for Isurd. Man, a nice soak would be glorious!”

Noah nodded mutely. He could already feel the shame starting to creep up on him. It faded a little as Lanz squeezed his hands against his chest a little firmer.

“Right then. Trousers off.” Eunie said.

Noah froze.

“Do we need to stop?” Lanz asked.

Noah shook his head. For Mio. He needed to be okay for Mio. Didn’t change the fact he was frozen in place though.

“Talk to me, Noah.”

“Can’t move,” Noah rasped, “but I want to keep going.”

“Would it be okay if we helped you take them off?”

Noah thought for a moment. “Yes.”

“Can do. Tell us to stop and we will. Keep your hands there, ok? We’re back in the showers.”

Noah closed his eyes, leaning forward slightly into Lanz’s frame. Lanz’s fingers grazed along his waistband as he undid the clasp and Noah’s hips tilted upwards, unconsciously craving his touch. Eunie pulled the garments down in a swift motion. He gasped as the cold air hit his skin, gripping on to Lanz’s chest like he was drowning.

Focus… He forced his mind to imagine the scene from before. He was back in the showers once again, resting his forehead against Lanz’ warm chest, cold droplets tracing rivers along the grey and gold lines of his body. While Lanz’s arms embraced him, Eunie was leaving soft, wet kisses along his thighs, dabbing at his legs with her lips. Her finger traced upwards along his thigh. Noah moaned, low and throaty, his cock stirring.

She sucked a hard bruise into his inner thigh, sending him reeling. Lanz held him steady. His breath was warm on his ear, whispering sweet nothings. Hold on. We’re here. You’re doing so well. Noah let the words wash over him. He wanted more than words, he wanted- he needed more. He felt Eunie shuffle around behind him, ignoring his needy cock, now throbbing with want. He took Lanz’s hand in his and wrapped those thick, warm fingers around it. He sighed in relief, his voice echoing against the empty baths.

“More…” he murmured.

Lanz obliged with a rumble of pleasure, sliding his hand along Noah’s length. Eunie’s kisses marked the backs of his thighs, each bite sending a wave of pleasure down his spine. In tandem with Lanz’s strokes, he let himself fall away. The pleasure of warm hands and mouths and cool water enveloped him. It was so good, so sharp, and the comfort and safety of his friends’ love was intoxicating. He wanted to kiss them, to share that same affection he was being showered with, but the pleasure was relentless. It was all Noah could do to weather it.

He felt his release approaching, building swiftly in his abdomen. He let out a needy whine into Lanz’s chest and gripped his pecs. Almost there, Lanz whispered. Eunie lifted her lips away from his thighs, and kneaded his ass, fingers edging closer to his wet hole. “Please…more…” he moaned, and Eunie obliged, gently pressing a finger inside. It burned with a stinging fire, and tears rolled down his face. She stopped, teasing him mercilessly, making him beg for it. “D-don’t stop!” Her finger continued deeper, Lanz stroked faster, Noah’s knees began to buckle.

And suddenly, it was like his vision exploded. Electricity tore through his body in glorious violence, and the pain and pleasure burst inside of him as Eunie’s fingers did something to him. He thrust into Lanz’s hand, spilling over, and shuddering through his release. The air burned his lungs and his body ached. Soon, everything went numb as he rode out the feeling, a twitching mess of nerves as the sensation dissipated. Lanz lowered him to the floor, while Eunie began wiping him down.

Gradually, Noah returned to his senses, breathing like the air had been knocked out of him. Lanz was dressed though, and Eunie was too. He was barely even damp from the shower-

Noah tried to scramble to his feet in horror as the realisation slammed into him. Lanz held him in place. “Woah, woah, take it easy.”

“Did- no, did that…?” He looked wildly from Lanz to Eunie. He’d never seen Eunie look so ruffled, while Lanz was sporting a shade of crimson across his cheeks.

“It got you through though, didn’t it?” Lanz replied. “It’s done now, and Eunie’s got you patched up.”

Eunie coughed a little. “The bruising was pretty bad, I have to say, and there were a few open wounds that needed new dressings, so I’m glad I could get that seen to.”

Noah covered his face in his hands. “Thank you, I’m so sorry, this is beyond embarrassing…” he mumbled.  

“It’s alright, we’re all friends here.” Lanz placed a hand on Noah’s head and stroked his hair. “I’m just glad this didn’t end up with you having to suffer too much. Was it okay?”

“Yea- I mean, I didn’t mean for it to turn out like this,” Noah murmured.

“But it’s fine, yeah?” Eunie said. “I mean, no harm, no foul, right? Plus, it’s a little flattering that you think we’re pretty alright.” Her face glowed with smug embarrassment.

Lanz smiled. “I don’t think I’d pass up the opportunity to help out like that again if you asked for it. I think I get what Doc was talking about now with this sex stuff. Seems like a good time when it’s done right.”

Noah still couldn’t bear to look at either of them, but the relief he felt warmed his body. Lanz and Eunie didn’t hate him for what he’d done, and that feeling of release as-

“Taion is Tirkin-brain if he think food not affect training regime!” Manana yelled into the corridor.

“I’m not saying it doesn’t! It’s just not as important as you’re saying it is.” Taion scoffed loudly.

“No, I’m definitely with Manana on this one,” Sena said. “You’ve gotta get enough protein to keep your muscles fed!”

Somehow, amidst what he, Lanz, and Eunie were working through, the others were arguing even louder than when they’d started. Noah breathed a sigh of relief.

Lanz handed him his trousers with a grin. “I think we should maybe put an end to that argument before we end up with a proper feud on our hands.”

“Honestly.” Eunie agreed. “Can’t leave ‘em be for ten minutes before all chaos breaks loose.”

Noah hurriedly pulled his clothes back on. As he dressed, he forced himself to look Eunie and Lanz in the eyes. “I… well, thank you. For looking out for me.”

“We’re not out of the woods yet, but… yeah. Anytime, Noah.” Eunie smiled. With a nod, she got to her feet and walked over to the peanut gallery, giving Taion a rap on the head. “Now look here, you spoons-”

Noah leant back against the wall of the cell, still boneless, but he found a small smile had settled on his face as he watched his friends bickering across from him. They didn’t seem so far away anymore. Even Mio’s laughter seemed closer as it rang down the corridor.

Chapter Text

The day had begun with so much promise. Noah had awoken with Lanz’s arm around him and Eunie asleep on his shoulder. Sena, Taion, Manana, and Riku were only a few paces away, stirring slowly, while Mio’s morning humming carried down the corridor like a clarion call. As the daylight filtered through the bars of the cell, a flicker of hope burned within him. He could sense it in the others too. Time was running out, but they could run with it if they just rallied a little more.

He forced himself to eat for the first time in days. All the while, he sustained himself on the support of his friends; on Lanz and Eunie’s physical care for him, on Sena’s determination that burned stronger each passing hour, on Taion’s relentless search for opportunities to break free, on his memories of Mio.

He wouldn’t lose her. He wouldn’t lose any of them.

And so, they worked to break out. He refused to die yet, not when there was a chance Mio could still live. They all redoubled their efforts to find any weakness in the walls, bars, and floors. They discussed the unchanged guard routine. They theorised about the security for the Homecoming. Even when they came up empty, they let that hope keep smouldering.

Then, in the afternoon, Shania came by for a visit.

The soft squeak of her boots announced her arrival as she walked along the corridor with a malicious skip in her step. Sena was the first to react. Her head whipped up as Shania came into view. “Shania…”

Lanz tensed like a territorial Ferris. “What are you doing here?”

“Got a little update for you,” Shania said. She almost purred as she spoke.

“This’ll be good,” Eunie muttered.

Shania continued, unbothered. “The day your friend departs this world- what did you call it? Homecoming…? That’s the day,” she grinned, “I’ve decided to have myself killed too.” She activated her iris and proudly displayed the countdown, a lit fuse scorching closer to nothingness as it neared the top of her pupil.

Sena stood in confusion with a horrified stare.

“Yep! This right here is proof that I’ve joined their ranks. Your little friend will vanish from this world forever. But… I will be born once again! Just the way I should be.”

The fury of the group was palpable. Noah could feel it boiling within him, and as Sena staggered backwards from the shock of Shania’s words, he snapped. How dare she talk about Mio that way, about Mio, our Mio, MY MIO- He lunged forward to the bars of the cell, wanting them to shatter in his grip like bone instead of iron, letting out a furious growl. He wanted to hurt her. He wanted her to understand what she was saying.

Shania simply laughed.

“That’s just the reaction I was hoping for,” she sneered. She leaned in close and stared with joyous admiration at his expression. Noah grit his teeth. Bile rose in his throat as she sized him up, and a vile shadow of N’s gaze washed over him. His anger faltered.

“Ahhh, it’s beautiful,” her voice crooned, inches from his face. “I hope I can make that face when I meet my enemies on the battlefield.”  

“Piss off, eyesore,” Taion snapped.

Shania stepped back, turning to him. “Oh, don’t you worry. I’ll be gone soon. Pretty much as soon as your friend will.” She span on her heel and walked away, laughing to herself as she went.

The cell fell deafeningly silent. Any hope they’d cultivated during the day had been sucked from the room in an instant. Noah could feel the chill seeping into his bones again and he couldn’t do a thing to stop it, his body shaking with an empty rage.

Sena’s quiet voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “It was so obvious, looking back. I knew something was off about her. I knew deep down. I just…” Her voice hitched and she clenched a fist to the light in her chest. “I didn’t want to believe that we were the same…”

“You’re not the same.”

They turned to follow the sound of Mio’s voice as it echoed down the hall. Sena ran to the cell bars, craning her head. “Is that Mimi…?” she asked desperately.

“I was watching you, Sena,” Mio’s voice continued, “trying so hard. You saved us so many times, never giving up. You helped us get here. Sometimes, you can be really hard on yourself.”

Noah closed his eyes, picturing Mio. He could see her, looking upwards at the ceiling of her cell, silver hair brushing at the corner of her lips. What he would give to hold her hand just one more time…

“I think… that’s why you’ve always been so hungry, always striving for more,” Mio said.

“Y-Yeah.” Sena’s voice cracked. She gripped the bars of the cell and pressed her cheek to the metal.

“Come now. I know you’ve touched so many lives. I think we’ve all seen that.”

Sena was losing it now, tears welling up in her eyes. “Yeah. Yeah, I know. I see it now… I’m sorry.”

Noah flinched at her apology. He blinked as a tear fell down his cheek.

“Come on,” Mio called out. “You really need to stop saying that you’re sorry.”

“Yeah… sorry.” Sena sobbed.

“It’s alright, don’t give up. Because time… is still on our side.”

Sena wept and fell to her knees. Without a second thought, Noah was by her side, hand on her shoulder. Sobs wracked her body.

He said nothing, what could he possibly say? And how could Mio still think time was on their side? All that remained between now and her oblivion were a handful of restless sleeps, no way to slow down this relentless, uncaring march towards her death. He wanted to see her again, to hold her hand, to run away and leave this all behind, but there was nothing he could do. He let the cruel stab of loss twist in his gut.

“I wish I could have had… more time with you…” Sena whispered hoarsely. She looked up at Noah. “That’s how you feel about Mimi too, right?”

He stared back into her weeping eyes and blinked back more tears. “Yes. More than anything.”

“Can you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“N… he said they… he said they were lovers. That he, maybe you, loved her. Is that the truth?”

The memory N had shared with him rushed back in a nauseating wave-

                                                                                                                   -Mio’s taut, naked body beneath their own. Her mewls of delight as he plunges into her again, and again, and again... Noah moaned as N’s memories became his and that unfamiliar longing settled in his groin-

“N-noah?”

He pulled his hand from his head at the sound of Sena’s voice. She stared back at him in worry. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked-”

Noah slowly shook his head, trying to regain his train of thought. “It’s okay. It was just a bit much.”

“Still, I’m sorry.” She took his hands in hers, rubbing her thumbs across his fingers. “It was selfish of me. I just needed to know.”

“You…” Noah paused, finding the right words. “You care about Mio like I do?”

Sena lowered her gaze. “I never did find the courage to tell her,” she whispered. “It was never the right time, and now it never will be.”

Noah nodded, the pieces falling into place. Her sudden sacrifice attempt leading up to their imprisonment made a lot more sense if she was about to lose the woman she loved. His heart broke all over again. At least, in those awful moments, N had left glimpses of what his time with Mio could have been like; Sena only had what if’s and never’s. He stopped mid-thought.

“I… get it. I really do. And I think I can give something to you, if you’d like. I have memories of Mio, maybe from her other cycles? I don’t entirely know, but I can tell you what he showed me, if you really want to know.” Noah whispered low, careful that the other’s wouldn’t be able to hear.

Sena’s eyes widened and she blushed. “I… I’d like to know. But only if it’s not painful. I don’t want to hurt you.”

As much as what N had done was vicious, cruel, unforgivable, he found himself thinking about N’s memories of Mio. It was strange being given a memory that wasn’t his, stranger still that it was his memory now. Just maybe, if he looked deeply enough, he could glimpse more of the story.

“He didn’t show me much, but I’ll try.”

Noah let his vision glaze over. That same eerie blue seeped through him as he sifted through the memories N had left behind, smudged traces of his presence like fingerprints. There weren’t many of them, mostly the visions of Mio’s ecstasy, by Aionios he wished that was him, that it was his Mio… he pushed down the squirming feeling in his gut and looked closer. At the edges of the thoughts were sharp fractures and distortions, like the curving lens at the edge of a broken mirror. Something was swirling beneath the glass. Noah pulled at a fragment, and it unravelled-

“-it’s cold, so unbearably cold. The blizzard is all I can see. We’re going to die here, but we were going to die anyway. We have so little time. She has so little time. Her hand though, it’s warm, like the morning sun. I’ll never let go of it, I promised her I’d never let go-”

Noah opened his eyes with a start. His heart was threatening to pound through his chest.

“What just happened? Was that a memory?” Sena asked. “Did you really feel all of that?”

“Did I say that aloud?”

Sena nodded sternly.

Noah shivered, chilled to the bone. “It was like I was there, a different version of me. I need to know more.”

“I’ll be right here if you need my help.” Sena squeezed Noah’s hands.

He closed his eyes again. The blue glass met him more readily, and he skimmed across the fractures until a piece called out to be seen-

“-can taste the onions and apricots in the base of the soup, adding some sweetness to the earthy chestnuts and the rich, gamey flavour of the rhogul meat.

 “It’s even better than usual! How do you manage make it taste so good?” I ask.

Mio chuckles. “I added a secret ingredient this time.”

“Really? What?”

Mio blushes from her neck to her ears. “It’s a secret.”

“Not even I’m allowed to know?”

“Especially not you.” She glances up at me and looks away like a nervous Bunnit.

My face feels hot, not just from the steam rising off the soup. I swear that she is the most beautiful thing on the whole continent-”

Noah’s body jerked him out of the memory, crumpling forward. Sena caught him by the shoulders.

“Wow,” she whispered.

“Yeah.” The flavour still lingered on his tongue, impossibly real. He gripped Sena’s hands in determination. “Once more.”

“I-if you’re sure. I’ve got you.” Worry glinted in her eyes.

Throwing caution to the wind, Noah dove in this time. It was getting easier to access every time, maybe too easy, harder to come back from each memory. Just one more. He reached out and pulled at another fragment and it shattered into the flesh of his fingers-

“-is so soft as her lips brush gently against my own. It’s crackling fire and honey, apples kissed by the sun, and her tongue is dancing across my lips, I can’t stop trembling, more, please, I run my fingers through her hair, she giggles as I accidentally brush the fluff of her ear, I can’t help but smile and kiss her harder, I want to chase that smile to the edge of the sea, to hold her and never let go, it’s so much, but not enough, closer, please, more, always, always, always-”

When he returned to himself, Noah was gripping on to Sena’s back and gasping through a stream of tears. His head was cradled against her shoulder as she stroked his back. He tried to pull away, but she refused to let go, squeezing him tighter.

“Not yet,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

“…I wish I’d kissed her,” Noah managed to choke out. “Just once.”

“Me too.” A teardrop fell on the back of his neck.

They stayed like that for a long time, silent and adrift in a vast, cold sea of grief.

Chapter Text

It was over.

They had lost everything.

He had lost her.

His Mio.

Gone.

The flute slipped from his fingers with a hollow clatter. Her golden motes drifted upwards, like sea spray dashed against the rocks.

He had never seen anything so beautiful.

He had never seen anything so awful.

His blood ran cold as N stepped closer, unsheathing his sword. He could feel N’s indifferent stare upon him, a toy to be rid of now that its purpose was finished. Nothing more.

It was over.

N swung his blade downwards

and it was finished.

Whatever Noah had imagined an out-of-body experience to be, it paled in comparison to the real thing. His own decapitated head at his feet seemed nothing more than a doll’s. The body next to it may as well been made of porcelain. All life and warmth within had vanished, and he thought, perhaps, it had never been his body in the first place. Everything N had done to him seemed to dissipate.

He was free, weightless.

Empty.

Well then, you’ve made your choice.

The scene changed in front of him. His old body was gone and only mist remained. He looked around to find who had spoken.

Are you happy with how it turned out?

Is this how you wanted the future to be?

A ‘child’ stood in front of him, a hooded cloak obscuring their face. Noah felt equally reassured and unsettled by their presence. A voice so full of age, full of experiences beyond their terms, seemed out of place in a body that he would expect to find running through Memorial Park with the other children of the City.

The questions asked of him seeped into his mind. Was he happy? He looked through the mist for answers. Was this his future, all that remained of the world?

Swords clashed nearby, metal striking metal with an echoing clang. Gunshots. The cries of falling friends. The mist obscured the sight of countless battles, only the glow of ether blades was clear in the fog.

“Where am I?”

All this time, you’ve been repeating the same aimless actions.

All to keep the world this way.

And yourself.

The child didn’t address Noah’s question directly, but it did answer it.

It didn’t matter where he was. He was lost.

Once more today, you’ve lost the one you cherished most.

That awful, golden scene appeared before him. He couldn’t bear to look at the memory, not again, and he screwed up his eyes in agony. Mio…

Are you sad?

Unbearably.

He turned to face the child.

If you could, would you try again?

Or would you rather…

linger in the Endless Now?

…he is in the War Room of the City, planning their attack on Moebius, Mio at his side, placing all their hopes on the newly-activated Ouroboros stone. They will take back the world from Moebius…

…Mio is dying in his arms on the battlefield, drifting apart into motes of blue. An ether-horned man in a cloak of scarlet is striding towards him, chiding his impotence, his cracked face commanding him back into the currents of time… 

...he is waking from a nightmare, coated in sweat, seeking the morning air on his face, but Mio’s soup is hot and fragrant on the stove as she offers him a bowl…

…his comrades, they fall with a flick of the man’s wrist, his purple horns and ether-cracked face glowering in the darkness. He steps past their disintegrating bodies as if they were dust in the wind. He commands Noah to yield, and he too falls, watching Mio dying again. He sobs begging for her life…

He was returned to the mist. He understood.

“The world… I wanted to change it.”

For who’s sake?

“I did it for her.”

But you ran away.

…the blizzard takes them both, his comrades’ anger dying on the wind, but he has his Mio, and they will die together as they should, hand in freezing hand…

Are you sure it wasn’t for yourself?

Noah revolted against the thought.

“No! This isn’t me!”

You only cared about yourself.

“No…! I was… I didn’t…”

But with time, you changed.

…Ghondor, his infant son…

…Mio, his wife…

…Family…

…everything he wanted right in front of him…

…all his hopes and dreams…

…the motes steal everything from him, his time with Mio is so unbearably short, and then he must leave his own son, too young to be orphaned, still a child, time winding his clock down to the last second…

…he weeps for the emptiness he feels, he wants them to stay, he just wants a little more time, another second, anything, he would give anything…

…Anything? Z asks him, his eyes glowing scarlet, a promise of infinity carved within…

…Anything, he replies, and he walks forward into the flickering screen. A part of his soul starts to unravel, and the flow of time diverges into two streams…

Noah opened his eyes.

And so, you became Moebius,

so that you could live an Eternal Now together.

Is this still your wish?

Do you want to ask one more time for time to stop?

Tears threatened to spill down his cheeks once more.

Why is it that you are here?

Why did you split from your other self?

Why is it that you exist?

The answer was simply there within him.

“I thought I wanted to know.”

Know what?

“I became an off-seer…

because I wanted to know the meaning behind the smile.”

Tell me.

He did not need to say.

He spoke anyway.

“I had a friend…”

…the battle is no more brutal than the last, but the foreboding in his stomach will not stop rolling, and then Crys begins asks that question, asks him if he will keep on moving. He doesn’t understand. He understands even less when Crys says he wants to stay exactly where he is. “Thank you,” he tells Noah, with a look on his face that Noah wants to clasp in his hands and press into the very essence of his being, with a sadness and a happiness that cannot coexist, and yet… Crys freefalls from the cliff they stand upon, still, silent, at peace…

“Crys…

I wondered why he smiled back then.

And not just him. Joran too.

I wanted to know why.”

That’s why? Why you continued as an off-seer?

“For the longest time, I thought they pitied those of us left behind.”

A dozen farewells roll from his lips at once.

“I figured that’s what the smile said.

But now…

Mio, too, was smiling.

I think I get it now, the meaning behind the smile.

I think they were all content with the way it ended.”

A wave of clarity, warmth, and peace settled in his spirit, as the cocoon of understanding began to crack open.

“They were putting us in charge of the future.

telling us to make a world where everyone can smile.

But it just breaks my heart that…

That was the only smile they could choose.

And it really shouldn’t have been.”

The mist swirled around them, picked up in currents of air that crackled with uncertainty and promise.

“The world we have now?

It doesn’t give us the choice to smile.

If the world won’t let us choose outside these narrow bounds,

then I want nothing more than to rip this world apart.

I want to repay those smiles.

That’s why I’m here.”

And you won’t choose the same path as your Other?

“Who can tell? I may end up doing that.

But… I’ll change it. No matter what.

Because that is the legacy that Mio left me.”

Even if you’re left alone?

“Even if I’m alone.”

In that case…

Mio extended her hand.

“Let us walk together.”

Everything happened instantly and yet in slow motion. The mist gave way under a flash of fuchsia light, the Sword of the End hovering millimetres above the back of his neck. Mio was alive, she’s alive, she’s ALIVE.

He could hardly believe it. M was- no, Mio was holding his hand, it’s her voice, it’s her, it’s his-

N’s howl pierced the air; rage, agony, confusion, immeasurable grief. A maelstrom of anguish radiated through the square so violently that it was tangible.

Noah gripped Mio’s hand tighter. A spark of righteous triumph alit in his gut.

For everything he’d been put through by this monster, it was deserved, even a portion of the pain N made him suffer. Like a wall of fire, fury erupted within him, carving embers into his bones with the self-satisfaction and justice of N’s sorrow. His memories rewound. He wallowed in the loathing of his own broken body and saw it reflected in N’s anguish. He wanted N to boil alive in the pain, to watch his flesh be set ablaze as his was, to know the deepest suffering imaginable to man.

When he and Mio interlinked, the Sword seemed to force itself out from his chest. He grabbed its hilt and dragged it cetri by screaming cetri out of his body, savouring the searing fire it left in its wake. He was anger, and he was fury, and he cleaved the Sword right through N with every intention to murder the bastard where he stood-

But he didn’t.

Was it an instinct of self-preservation, or plain cowardice? It mattered not. He couldn’t follow through.

N still lived.

He could not kill him.

As the crimson haze obscured his vision, as N’s wounded body twitched and gasped on the ground, chaos erupted around them. The false Queen’s failsafe activated, and her throne merged into a hideous taloned Levnis. Noah, still winded by his own confusion, could only feel vaguely present, as he, Mio, and the rest of the party smashed it to pieces. Taking advantage of the confusion, X set off the annihilator built into the castle and fled with N. The City was seemingly lost, but M had made contingencies. Even as Shania took her own life, he felt disconnected from himself, a façade made of adrenaline and borrowed energy. After all what did it matter when their enemy, the vile monsters that delighted in their agony, had slunk away to lick their wounds. How soon until they returned to ruin their lives again? Was it even possible to end this? N had been right there, and he still couldn’t-

A soldier next to Noah gasped out a rattling breath, and he was pulled back to reality. The castle grounds were in shambles, medics hollering across the square, Agnian guards standing shell-shocked around chunks of rubble. A few feet away, another soldier placed a cloth across the face of their dead comrade, lying beside a dozen others.

It was enough to shatter him. Staggering backwards, Noah retreated to a hidden corner of the castle, his mind filling with the stench of blood and death and exhaustion, and he wept until his tears ran dry.

Chapter Text

“Noah…”

Noah awoke gradually, Mio gently shaking his shoulders. His body was stiff with cold, and his muscles ached as he blearily looked up at her. He smiled at the sight of her. It still didn’t feel real, looking back into those golden eyes. He reached forward and placed his hand on her cheek, brushing her long hair aside, and she nuzzled into his touch. Her skin was so warm and soft beneath his calloused hand.

“It is you, isn’t it?” he asked.

“Yes, really.” Her eyes glinted with tears.

Relief washed over him. He threw himself around her, squeezing so tight. Anything less and she could disappear on him again. He would never let go, never-

Mio let out a strangled whimper. “C-can’t breathe!”

-choking, as Noah thrust deeper and deeper into her mouth, rocking Mio’s face along his length. She felt it bruise the back of her throat and she gagged, tears streaming down her face-

Noah scrambled backwards from Mio, the illusion immediately ceasing. His head collided painfully with the wall behind him.  

Mio too, had recoiled from his embrace, a look of confusion and horror plastered across her face. “Noah, what… what was that?”

“You- I didn’t… did you see it too?”

Mio nodded, dumbfounded.

Noah’s thoughts raced. Why were those memories distorted, as though it was not N, but himself doing those horrid things to Mio? And how was she seeing them? “What the spark…?” he echoed.

“M’s memories,” Mio said slowly, “she and N would… do that. But that’s not her memory. Is it N’s? Why do you have N’s memories?”

Noah’s heart sank. He gripped his knees hard, the wounds on his knuckles threatening to reopen.

“Noah, what’s going on?”

Noah stiffened. He couldn’t tell her. She’d never be able to trust him again. If she knew that N’s memories were tainting his own like this…

“I need to know, Noah. I want to help.”

“You can’t help me, Mio. What’s done is done.”

“…what happened in prison, Noah?”

He looked up at her with desperation, realisation slamming into him. The Mio who had heard everything N had done in that cell wasn’t his Mio, it was M, and M hadn’t been able to pass that memory back to her, had she?

Mio didn’t know.

He’d give anything to keep it that way.

“Nothing, I swear, you don’t need to-”

He was interrupted as Mio’s iris lit up. She tapped twice next to her eye to accept the call. “Yeah, I found him. I’ll ping you our location.”

“Who-”

“Eunie. The others got worried when you disappeared on us. I told them to give you some time, and I came to find you first.”

Noah bit his tongue.

Mio clicked off her iris and stared into his eyes. “You know you can tell me anything, yeah? We’re partners, Noah.”

“I won’t. You’ll never look at me the same way again.”

“What?”

“I won’t, I can’t!” Noah squeezed his hands to the side of his head, desperate to stop the memories from flooding back. Why couldn’t he have just killed N and been done with this already?!

Sena’s hurried footsteps rounded the corner, and she stumbled to a stop upon finding them. “Over here!” she called.

Eunie and Lanz were on her tail, and before he could say anything, Eunie pressed a hand to his forehead. “Sparks, Noah, you’re freezing!”

“Campfire. Now.” Lanz scooped him up without hesitation.

Noah opened his mouth to protest, but Mio grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “It’s okay. Let’s get you back to camp.”

He didn’t have the energy to fight them, failing pathetically to wriggle out of Lanz’s grip. Tiredness overcame him and he started slipping in and out of consciousness. He was vaguely aware of a green light and Eunie’s healing spreading over him, a murmur of inarticulate conversation nearby, the warmth of the fire, some blankets being pulled over his body, and then, the dark stillness of the night as a deep sleep pulled him under.

Mio, naked and flushed, was face down on the bed beneath him. He was holding her hips flush against his, her arms bound in thorns of green ether behind her back. Tears rolled down her cheeks and mixed with the drool that slipped from her open mouth, moaning with his every thrust. Her needy pussy was so warm, so deliciously tight. Her slick coated his cock as he moved in and out of her, filling the room with such delightfully wet sounds. Noah shuddered with satisfaction, gripping her hips tighter and pressing his fingers hard into her hipbones.

“N-Noah…” she moaned.

“Mio… my Mio…” he rasped, adjusting his grip. She loved it when he used her like this, when he left little bruises to show his adoration, when he speared himself into her until she submitted to him with her whole body.   

“I can’t-” she murmured.

Noah cut her off, angling himself deeper within her. “More…” he hissed.

“Aah!”

Her body was fighting him, he could feel it. He let go of her hips and leaned over her, encasing her body in his. “Closer… more…” he groaned, pressing his lips against her back. “Can’t you come for me one more time?”

Mio whimpered and shook her head.

“Please…” Noah begged. “Look at how beautiful you are like this. Open your eyes and look at how much your Noah loves you.”

Mio’s eyes fluttered open, staring across the room. Noah followed her gaze, noticing the mirror they were reflected in.

Except it wasn’t him making love to his Mio. It was N.

His breath lodged in his throat at the sight of his reflection. His long, dark locks were draped across Mio’s back and plastered to his face in sweat, and those cold eyes stared back at him with malice. A smirk spread across his face.

[Go on, Noah, isn’t it everything you dreamed of?]

Noah cried out in agony as that piercing voice stabbed into his mind. No! Please, no!

[Try to stop if you think you can… but why would you? Don’t you want this? Don’t you want to fuck her senseless like I fucked you?]

His hips thrust forward, rebelling against him. This isn’t right, it’s not-! Tears streamed from Noah’s eyes as his body continued relentlessly, plunging deeper and deeper into Mio’s core. He wanted to fight it, to stop this madness, but N’s words and desires stabbed into his chest, like hooked barbs in his heart. For all he denied it, this was so unbelievably good, Mio’s body one with his, completely at his mercy, watching pleasure wrack her senses as it did his…

Noah felt her walls tighten against his cock, and he choked. She was close, so close. He wanted this. He wanted to bring her to ecstasy.

“Come for me, Mio,” Noah and N said in unison, pulling at her hair. “Say you’re mine.”

Mio mewled and gasped for air. “N-Nhh...aaah! Yours! Please!”

He could feel her peaking around him, so tight and wet. He thrust harder and faster, feeling his own release almost upon him. Her body was shuddering beneath him, giving herself to him, letting him claim her. It was perfection.

A growl rumbled from his chest as he spiralled over the edge, sparks shooting down his limbs and through his fingertips, spending himself as deep inside of her as he could. Her body pliantly accepted every drop. He shivered with delight.

Mio belonged to him, and he was N’s-

Noah bolted upright, hurling himself out of his dream. He was burning up, sweat dripping from his forehead, and his breath tore through his lungs. One hand gripped the fabric of his drenched shirt, the other steadied himself on his cot. His cot, in his tent. Far, far away from N.

He tried to collect himself.

Breathe in.

Hold.

Breathe out.

Repeat.

The night was quiet around him. He let the silence wash over him in calming waves, his eyes adjusting to the dark. Thankfully, he was alone.

The dream had been so vivid, so disgustingly real. Was it a memory? Had N done all of that with Mio? Noah shook the dangerous thought from his head. She was safe from him now.

He, on the other hand, felt anything but safe.

He needed water, maybe the fresh night air on his face too. The tent felt a thousand degrees too hot. Noah shuffled to the edge of his cot and winced as a sticky wetness moved against his crotch.

“Snuff…” he mumbled. He’d need a change of clothes while he was at it. With a defeated sigh, he staggered to his feet, walking to the zipper of the tent.

He stopped. A letter had been slipped into his tent while he was sleeping, and it lay on the floor at his feet. Too curious to wait, Noah took the letter, flicked on a nearby ether lamp, and sat on the ground to read.

My dearest Noah,

I’m sorry for breaking your trust, but I asked the others what happened. As Taion pointed out, I would have found out during an interlink anyway, and I was so worried about you. It had been so long since I’d seen you. I was so scared that you hated me for what I put you through.

I’m sorry that I left you for so long. It was the only way, but I still regret hate that I had to do it. I hope you can forgive me.

When they told me what had happened, I couldn’t   I was so angry  I wanted to scream   I could hardly believe it. Noah, I’m so sorry. If I’d known, I would have Even if I’d known, I couldn’t have done a thing and I’m so angry at myself N for putting you through that.   

I want you to know that it’s not your fault, and no-one in the group sees it like that either. What N is, that’s not you. I had to spend long enough watching him, so I know whatever he used to be is gone, and whatever he is now isn’t you.

I also want you to know that I will do everything in my power to be there for you. If you can’t be near me for a while, then I understand, and I’ll give you all the space you need. But I will come running the second you need me. Anything at all, I’ll be there. I’m here if you need to talk.

I love you.

Mio.

The page shook in Noah’s hand as he read, fingers tracing the places where the ink had smudged and where the paper had warped under Mio’s tears. He let out a curse under his breath. He wanted to tell her everything he was feeling, but he couldn’t burden her with more than she’d already suffered. What the spark was he supposed to do?

Breathe in.

Hold.

Breathe out.

Repeat.

Steadying himself, Noah placed the letter under his pillow and left his tent, stepping out into the night and hoping the universe would help him find the answers he desperately sought.

Dawn crept up on him slowly. He couldn’t go back to sleep, unable to face the monsters of his mind twice in one night. As the light through his tent brightened a little more, Noah forced himself upright and went outside once more.

He wasn’t expecting Taion to be awake this early. He was prodding the campfire, stacked with fresh wood and kindling, willing it into flame. He’d just got it started when he noticed Noah’s presence.

“Good morning, Noah.”

Noah nodded in greeting. “You’re up early.”  

“I could say the same of you. How are you feeling?”

Noah didn’t answer.

Taion didn’t press the issue. “…I think I need a cup of tea. I’ll boil enough water for the two of us if you’d like?”

Taion was already filling up the kettle with enough for them both before Noah managed to respond. “…thanks.”

He sat in silence as Taion prepared his brew. It was peaceful in the castle courtyard without the hustle and bustle of the day. A handful of Nopon milled about near a broken Levnis and a few City folk were patrolling amidst the rubble, but otherwise, everything was still.

“Here you are.” Taion handed Noah a mug, pulling him out of his musings.

“Thank you.” Noah cradled the steaming cup in his hands, the scent of citribell, philodendron, and longleaf combining in a pleasing aroma.

“Special recipe for early starts,” Taion explained. “One of my regular go to’s.”

“It smells really good,” Noah admitted, taking a sip. He sputtered as the scalding liquid burnt his tongue.

“Sorry, I should have warned you! It’s very hot.”

“No kidding…”

After a long pause, Taion spoke, measuring his words carefully. “I find it nice to settle myself over a cup of tea like this. I can just focus on the steam and let my thoughts come to the fore.”

Noah stared down into his mug. Taion was right, as always. His anxieties felt less pressing with the dawn at his back, a warm drink in front of him, and a friend by his side. He blew gently on the drink’s surface and took another sip. It tasted even better than it smelt.

“It’s a relief to have her back, isn’t it?” Taion asked.

Noah nodded. Despite his inner turmoil, he was still immeasurably grateful that Mio was still here. “Yeah... it is.”

“I’m still having trouble believing it, if I’m honest.”

“Me too. I…” Noah blushed. “I actually asked her yesterday. If she was real.”

A flicker of amusement crossed Taion’s face. “You did too, huh? She’s changed a little, but it’s definitely still her. That said, we’ve changed too. It’s been… well, easily the worst month of our lives I would say.”

“I…” Noah stuttered over his thought and trailed off. He returned his attention to his cup.

He expected Taion to fill the silence he’d made. Instead, he patiently waited for Noah to try again, taking little sips from his tea.

Noah took a deep breath to centre himself. “I think I’ve changed too much.”

“You don’t feel like yourself?”

“It’s… I think N is in my brain.”

“I would be lying if I said I was surprised.”

“No, you don’t understand. I keep seeing him every time I close my eyes, and I… I think I’m turning into him.” The mug trembled slightly in Noah’s hands as he fought back tears.

Taion thought for a moment. “I think that’s a perfectly logical thing for your brain to be struggling with right now. I honestly don’t know what I would do in your shoes.”

“I’m scared, Taion.”

Taion placed a hand on his leg with a reassuring squeeze. “That’s okay too.”

“But what if I hurt Mio?”

“Are you worried you’re going to?”

“When she touched me yesterday, I-” Noah hiccupped. “I’m worried she’ll never be able to trust me again.”

“Are you able to talk to her about it?”

“No! I, mean, I want to, but I can’t.”

Taion paused. “Try telling me.”

“Huh?”

“If you can’t tell Mio yet, then tell me instead. I won’t tell a single soul.”

Noah looked across at Taion. His amber eyes were sincere, full of compassionate promise.

He took a sip from his mug, swallowed hard, and began to talk.  

While he left out the more explicit parts of his thoughts, it was embarrassing enough telling Taion everything. By the time he’d explained N showing up in his dreams last night, Noah had turned as red as a pepper.

“So, let me get this straight,” Taion said after a long pause. “N’s memories are getting mixed in with your own, and when you interlink or make close contact with Mio, you can’t tell the difference between where your memories start and where N’s begin? On top of that, your trauma is adding other unpleasantries?”

“That’s about the size of it.” Noah looked across at Taion, to see his flustered face deep in thought. He flinched. “I’m sorry, this isn’t your problem to solve. I’ve definitely said too much-”

“Nonsense, Noah. Don’t we stand a better chance if we all work together?”

Noah paused. That question felt awfully familiar.

Taion smiled coyly at him. “Your own words, back when we first set out on this whole journey.”

Noah thought back to that first day, sitting in the wreckage of their first clash with Moebius, complete strangers, bound by fate and a dying Guernica Vandham, about to embark on the strangest of journeys. How far they’d come since then…

“At the start,” Taion continued, “I was uncertain about everything we were setting out to do. I had no idea how much life I’d been missing out on. The whole continent at our fingertips. A life outside of The Cycle. Babies, even! All these new feelings and experiences, and new friends to share them with.”

He put his hand on Noah’s, his dark skin glowing in the light of the dawning sun. “You are strong, Noah. I’ve seen it firsthand, and not just in battle. You’re even brave enough to tell me what’s going on.”

Noah blushed. “Th-thanks, Taion,” he stammered.

“What you’re experiencing right now hurts, it hurts bad. But it won’t hurt forever, and you certainly don’t have to bear the burden alone. I know that Mio will understand when you’re ready to tell her. Until then, just say the word, and I’ll be ready with some tea.”

The two of them sat for a while in silence, hand in hand. They sipped the dregs of their tea and watched as the sun stretched above the horizon, ushering in a new day.

That night, after everyone had gone to their tents, Noah exited his own and walked quietly around the dying campfire. He stopped outside her tent, his fingers tracing the outline of her letter in his pocket.

“Mio?” he whispered. “Are you awake?”

He heard some rustling within, before the opening unzipped. Mio peeked through. “Noah?”

Sheepishly, he stared at his feet. Taking a deep breath, he looked up at her.

“Can we talk?”

Chapter Text

Noah tumbled to the ground for the fourth time in ten minutes. Another unsuccessful interlink. He shook the dirt from his hair with a grimace. Over his shoulder, Mio was getting to her feet, brushing blades of grass out of her long hair.

Noah tried to stand, but his legs faltered beneath him, and he ended up flat on his backside. Before he could get to his feet, Mio was crouching next to him, one hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t push yourself, this is tougher than we thought,” she said, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

Noah sighed. “I’m sorry, Mio.”

“Not to worry, we’ll figure it out. For now, I think we should call it a night.”

“But we lasted a little longer that time!”

Mio tapped her iris, sharing the data she’d recorded to his own. He frowned at the figures.

“An extra two seconds isn’t much to work with,” she said.

Noah scowled and flumped backwards onto the grass. “Yeah. Slow progress indeed.”

The Cadensian sky above him was clear, the ripple of the aurora obscured by the trees at the edge of his vision. At least out here in the dark, no one could mock their failed attempts to interlink. It was bad enough being bested by that particularly feisty vollgull near the West Perimeter gate a few days prior. He sighed at the thought. They weren’t going to get to the Cloudkeep quickly at this rate.

He felt Mio lie down next to him and was overwhelmingly grateful for her company. Talking with her the other night was wretched. He’d never forget the way her ears flattened as she held back her tears. But still, when she’d asked if she could hold his hand again, rubbing her delicate fingers across his palm, and told him that it would be okay, he had truly believed her. His hand tingled with the memory.

“What are you thinking about?” Mio asked.

“You,” Noah answered, before his brain could stop him.

Mio stifled a laugh.

“N-no, I mean…!” Noah stammered, propping himself up to look at her. “I just meant I was thinking about how grateful I am to you.”

“Yeah?”

“I honestly can’t believe how lucky I am to have you by my side. After all that we’ve been through, for you to still be with us? I’m so thankful.”

“Me too. It's... I feel so lucky.” Mio stretched a hand upwards to the sky, and Noah watched as she stared up into the stars, their light captured in her warm, golden eyes. Her long, silver hair was made of moonlight as it fanned out beneath her. The crystal in her chest shimmered in the darkness as her chest rose and fell with each breath, and Noah found himself smiling. Being with her felt like home.

His heart fluttered. He wanted to tell her over and over again.

I love you. 

“Whuh?” Mio bolted upright and stared at him, an eager blush across her face. “D-did you just…?”

Noah slapped a hand over his mouth. Aloud? He shook his head. Surely not…

Mio nodded, holding back a smile. “It’s the first time you’ve told me, isn’t it?”

“Sparks…” Noah covered his face in his hands and groaned. “I didn’t think it'd be like this.”

“Were you hoping for a candlelit dinner at the campsite?” Mio quipped, shuffling forwards.

“I… I guess?”

“I love you too, Noah.”

Noah looked up, his heart pounding out of his chest. Mio, sitting in front of him in the starlight, smiling, blushing…

Mio loved him.

He may as well have been struck by lightning.

“Sparks, I can’t stop shaking.” Noah laughed. “Really?”

“Really really.” Mio said with a grin.

“I…” he looked nervously at his hands. “I think I want to kiss you.”

Mio flushed even redder. “I would like that, i-if you’d like to?”

Noah turned to face her, placing a trembling hand on her cheek. Just a kiss, a single kiss, but leaning closer, the world was turning slower and slower, and her cheek was so soft, and everything was so warm-

                                                                                                                      -an avalanche of memories collapsed onto him at once, Taion’s hand in the sunrise, Sena’s teary confession, the flush on Eunie’s face and her ruffled feathers, Lanz’s warm, firm body against his, N’s cock burning through him-

Noah froze inches from her lips. Tears fell from his eyes, and he drew back in shame, smudging them across his cheeks with the back of his hand.  

Mio gave him a sad smile. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, it’s not, I can’t-”

“Breathe, Noah.”

He took a gulp of air and let it shudder out of him.

Breathe in.

Hold.

Breathe out.

Repeat.

His heart was still threating to puncture his lungs, but he managed to calm down enough to return to his senses. “Did you see any of that?” he asked.

“No, not this time. What did you see?”

“How do I… how can I explain this part?” Noah quietly panicked. He loved Mio, of course he did, but Sena loved Mio too, and what happened with Lanz and Eunie made this extremely complicated, and there was still N’s presence in the corner of his mind, tethered to him like a puppeteer.

“Would it be easier to show me?”

“I… honestly don’t know.”

“That’s alright. I said I’d give you all the space you need, didn’t I?”

Noah pursed his lips at the thought. Space to think was helpful up to a point, but it didn’t stop the worry festering inside of him. He closed his eyes and thought…

An idea flashed before him. “Can you wait here for ten minutes? I-I’ll be right back!”

Mio blinked. “Uh, sure?”

Noah scrambled to his feet and jogged back towards camp, hoping Taion might still be awake.

A while later, Noah returned. Mio was waiting for him where he’d left her, hugging her knees to her chest and staring out into the night sky. He smiled as he saw Mio’s ears twitch in his direction, alerting her to his presence.

“I’m back,” he said, walking steadily with mugs of tea in his hands. “I figured this might help.”

“Oh?” Mio questioned. “A Taion special?”

Noah nodded, handing her a mug, and lowering himself down next to her. 

Mio smiled and sniffed the brew. “Ah, the sirius anemone always smells nice in this one,” she said with a smile.

They let the night air cool their drinks as they sat in silence, warming their hands with the cups they cradled. The liquid slowly cooled from scalding to sippable while Noah collected his thoughts.

“Everything has kind of happened in the wrong order for us, hasn’t it?” he began. “Relationships, friendship, love… it’s like we’ve done it all backwards.”  

Mio nodded. “It’s really strange going from having no idea about much at all, to having M’s memories floating around in my head.”

Noah grimaced. “I wanted to kiss you so much, but there was so much else in the way. Where do I even start?”

“Wherever is easiest for you, I’d say.”

“Well… I… I don’t think I’m the only one in love with you.”

“Do you mean N?”

“Um, not... no? I mean, some of the others. In the party.”

“Well, yes, our friendships as a team are really strong. Of course we love each other-”

Noah shook his head. “Not like that. Like, us.”

“Oh!” Mio’s eyes widened. “Romantically?”

“Mm.” Noah took a long sip of his tea, letting Mio process what he’d said. “I won’t say who. They should have the chance to tell you themselves. But I’m really worried about it. I don’t want us to get in the way of all of us.”

“I see.” Mio stared into her mug. “That’s… tricky.”

“That’s not all though.” Noah swallowed hard. “I’m still a little confused myself. I love you, I truly do. But Lanz and Eunie and I, well… we… it’s complicated.”

“Go on?”

“When… N had done those things to me, I was hurt. Hurt bad. Emotionally, physically… I don’t even remember half of the month leading up to the Homecoming. So, I escaped, into these… fantasies. I thought about Lanz, and then Eunie, and I imagined things between us. It stopped the trauma for a while, but now? Now I’m so confused.”

“I thought it was normal to have those kinds of thoughts?” Mio asked.

“S-sure, but… what if… well…” Noah burned at the idea of telling her. “What if something… happened?”

She arched an eyebrow at him. “Happened how?”

“I thought it wasn’t real at the time, I was imagining that I was somewhere else, b-but… what if I told you that I ejaculated into Lanz’s hand while Eunie’s fingers were inside of me?” He winced as he blurted out his confession.

Mio choked on her drink. Out of the corner of his eye, Noah could almost see steam billowing from her ears, their tips perked sharply upwards.

“I, um, I… yeah, that is complicated,” Mio eventually said.

“I haven’t talked about it about it with anyone since it happened. It’s, well, it’s been a crazy week. And even if I did raise it with them, would they want me to? What would I even say?”

“Yeah…” Mio pondered for a moment. “I think we need some more time to figure this all out.”

“Definitely.”

“I still want to kiss you.”

Noah spilled some tea on his trousers and hastily dabbed at the dampened patch on his thigh. “R-really?”

“I get that it’s a bit weird for us right now, but… my feelings haven’t changed. Maybe it’s all of M’s memories tangled up in my head, but… I want to kiss you. Like, a lot.”

Noah locked eyes with Mio for a moment, their faces reflecting mutual embarrassment back to each other.

“N-not yet, of course!” Mio stammered, averting her gaze and flapping her hand about. “We’ll t-take our time, yeah?”

“Y-yeah.” Noah nodded quickly. He pushed down the strange churning in his abdomen, as though a hundred fliers were taking off inside of him all at once. He needed to clear his head fast.

“Fancy a sparring session?” he asked a little too loudly. He put his mug on the ground next to him, getting to his feet and summoning his Blade. Back in their colony days, a good fight always helped when he and Lanz were too restless to focus. It was worth a try. 

“That’s not a bad idea, actually. I feel like I need to burn off some nervous energy.” Mio followed suit, her rings materialising in her hands with a yellow glow as she skipped backwards away from Noah.

She assumed a low, agile stance, and she bounced lightly on the balls of her feet. Her ears twitched.

Noah stood facing her, eyes shut, back straight, and his Blade in front of him at the ready.

He let himself fall away in the moment, the air in his lungs as one with the breeze. His senses sharpened. The familiar sharp tug of ether across his soul, like tiny pinpricks on his skin. The flickering memory of battles long fought in the rise and fall of his chest.

A moment of anticipation rustled through the treetops.

They began.

Mio dashed to his left. Noah’s eyes snapped open at the sound. He tried to follow her movements, a blur in the dark, but she feinted before he’d noticed. He nearly failed to block one of her rings as she hurled it towards him from an unexpected direction.

Nearly.

It harmlessly bounced off his sword with a clang and he span on his heel to find her exactly where he thought she’d be. Another quick parry as she tried to slide in beneath his sword. As he blocked her, she span past him, grabbing her second ring before it hit the ground and redirecting her momentum to the right.

Noah chased her down. Time to go on the offensive. Meeting her head on, he swung hard at her torso, and used her parry to shift his stance lower, swinging towards her knees. Mio jumped over him effortlessly, launching herself to his blind spot. He turned sharply and blocked as she slashed towards the back of his neck.

Noah smirked. She was getting predictable.

With a twist, he pushed himself into her space, driving her on to the back foot. Mio bent backwards, narrowly avoiding a well-aimed thrust, and recovering just in time to bounce away from his follow through. Noah raced forward to chase her, but she ricocheted right back towards him. She twisted into a spinning sweep, Noah blocking her from the left, his feet digging up the grass as he was pushed back with her force. She rolled to his right, an instinct he predicted. He carved his sword upwards into her path, and she yelped, narrowly avoiding the edge of his blade.

Bounding just out of range, she rubbed at her ear with a hiss. “Spark’s sake, I hate how loud your Blade is.”

“Too close for comfort?” Noah goaded. He was really feeling it now.

“You wish,” Mio grinned.

Noah felt a ripple of ether as she broadened her shoulders. Suddenly, as though she’d warped time itself, she was right in front of him, mere cetris away. He ducked. The metallic sizzle of ether burned Noah’s nostrils as a strand of his hair was singed by the arc of her right ring, avoiding her attack by sheer instinct. He tried to retreat, but she swept her leg into his. As he stumbled, she swung hard with her left, Noah barely parrying in time. He let go of his blade with one hand, pushing off the ground into a dash to his left, trying desperately to put some distance between them.

It almost worked. He’d managed to jump a few feet to the side before Mio launched herself at him from above. He blocked, but the momentum sent him tumbling, his arms knocked wide. Mio redirected her swing without a second’s pause, and as the blade careened towards his chest, Noah curved his body backwards and grabbed Mio’s wrist with his free hand, hauling her with him. As he hurtled into the ground, he used every ounce of strength, momentum, and surprise to throw her down too. His back met the earth, the air was punched from his lungs, and releasing Mio’s wrist, he bounced violently across the ground, spinning wildly.

When he’d finally come to a stop, he forced his mouth open to breathe, coughing and wheezing in the cold night air. He could feel the coarse dirt smeared across his face and he raised himself shakily onto one arm. The ground was surprisingly soft beneath his hand as he opened his eyes-

Equally winded, and trapped beneath him, Mio was breathing hard, one of her legs between his, and his hand on her stomach. She was completely red in the face as she stared up at him with surprise.  

Immediately, Noah yanked his hand off her stomach, forgetting that it was the only thing supporting him. His head collided with her shoulder as he fell. Half his chest hit the ground and the other half landed squarely on her own, their bodies tangled in a mess of limbs and injuries. Mio yelped. Noah cursed mid-apology, completely mortified-

-as he pressed his teeth back down into the flesh of her shoulder, her body shuddering beneath him. His fingers moved deftly in and out of her, edging her closer to release, begging her to show him that delightful expression only he got to see. She snatched ragged breath after ragged breath, writhing against him. Noah curled his fingers in exactly the right way to make her scream-

                                                                                                                                                                                       -a golden light filled his chest as Mio pressed her lips into his, their gentle hands mapping each other’s bodies like they had that very first night. Her fingers wandered downwards, tracing little circles against his hip just how he liked it. Noah moaned into her kiss, his hips jolting under her touch, and he squeezed the soft flesh of her breast in return, swiping his thumb across her nipple. Her squeak of delight made his cock throb with want. Noah pressed it forward between her thighs, rutting slowly across her folds, so warm and slick with desire. Her hands skimmed across his back, before she dug her nails in, drawing him in closer to their embrace. Neither of them were going to last long tonight, too needy to draw this out, and as Noah pressed the tip of his cock into her, she moaned his name-

Noah opened his eyes with a start, pushing himself upright to look at Mio. Her eyes fluttered open to meet his.

“Wh-what was that?” he asked breathily. 

“I figured,” Mio panted below him, “if it was like an interlink, m-maybe… I could redirect the memory.”

“Where… what?” Noah racked his brain for answers. “Were those M’s memories?”

“Mhmm. I… uh, well… they sure are something, aren’t they?”

Noah was completely lost for words. The memory was so different from the violence his brain offered, comforting and thrilling all at once. “Sparks alive, Mio…”

She shifted uncomfortably beneath him, a little whimper catching in her throat.

Noah looked down to see their bodies were still entwined, his erection pressing into her thigh and a wet patch on his leg where it rubbed against her underwear.

“Oh! Sorry!” Noah hastily pushed himself off her, ignoring every instinct in his body to continue where the vision had abruptly stopped. His cock throbbed in the confines of his trousers, and he was desperate for a cold shower. He looked across at Mio, now sitting up, one hand on the crystal in her chest and the other between her legs.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Her cheeks glowed with heat. “I knew it would be vivid, but… fuck,” she swore quietly.

They couldn’t quite bear to look at each other as they staggered to their feet and brushed themselves off, gathering their things and heading back to camp. Noah was grateful for the darkness that covered them.

As the embers of the campfire drew into sight, Mio slowed a little.

Noah slowed his steps. “You okay?”

Mio nodded. “I know tonight was… a lot for us. I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

“I think so, I…” he hesitated, his feelings skating across his tongue. “…I had fun. With you.”

“I’m glad,” she said with a relieved smile. “And I’m sorry that everything’s a little weird right now.”

“I know, but… I feel a bit more hopeful. Thank you.”

“And I promise never to do that memory thing again unless you want me to. We can talk about it later, when we’ve had some time?”

“I- I’d like that. A lot.” Noah reached over and brushed his fingers against hers. She interlaced her fingers into his and gave a reassuring squeeze as they stepped back into camp.

Her fingers lingered in his for a moment before she slipped into her tent.

“Good night, Noah.” 

“Good night, Mio.”

He could still feel the warmth of her hand as he entered his own tent, slipping off his clothes and lying down on his cot. He winced as a rapidly growing bruise on his back protested. He’d have trouble explaining his injuries to Eunie in the morning, but it didn’t seem so urgent an issue as he lay there, hearing Mio tell him that she loves him too, over and over again.

Chapter Text

“Is that all you got, you lugs? Come on, ‘Ouroboros’ my arse! ”

Ghondor slammed another fist into the ground, ether bursting outwards from the point of impact. Noah steeled himself against the force and grit his teeth. Spark’s sake… it’d been a half hour since she’d begun this ‘training’ and they hadn’t gained a cetri of ground. His throat felt raw and hoarse as he tried to steady himself. Around him, the rest of the team were equally winded.

“Fire and sparks!” Lanz called out, supporting himself on his shieldblade, firmly stabbed into the dirt. He growled as Ghondor threw himself at his ether shield, the cyan barrier flickering under the strain of her punches. “Are we seriously being thrashed by this half-pint?!”

Taion’s mondo raced to Lanz’s aid with a flick of his wrist. “I knew we were out of practice, but honestly, this is worse than I could have predicted.” He winced loudly as his arm cramped.

“Shut your traps and focus!” Eunie yelled, stabbing a ring of healing into the ground next to the both of them. The ring had barely lit up the ground when Ghondor somersaulted backwards and locked on to Mio, gauntlets sparking against rings with a screech.

“Mimi!” Sena howled furiously and raced to her side, low and fast, swinging upwards to draw Ghondor’s attention.

Ghondor grinned as she spun to face Sena. “Tsk, ya bloody fell for it!”

A flurry of punches sent Sena tumbling. Mio yelped, trying to get herself between them and taking a fist to the face in the process. She hissed and ducked, just barely avoiding the right hook that followed.

The wound on Mio’s face began to weep. Red blood dripped down her cheek,

                                    down onto her white shirt,

                                                                                                                                                                    flecks of it staining the silver of her hair.

                 Like a taut string pulled beyond its limits, something in Noah snapped.

                                                                                                                         He’d promised to protect her.

                                             His hands were stained with the thought of it,

                                                                                                                                                                                                       crimson and wet,

                                                        sticking to the roof of his mouth with a vile tang of copper.

His body surged forward on its own.

He’d do anything, he’d never let N hurt them again-

Noah sputtered as he was thrown onto his back and slammed into reality once again. Ghondor’s boot was firmly planted in his chest, pinning him down. He gasped a burning mouthful of air into his lungs.

How…? What just…?

“Hmph.” Ghondor’s face was indecipherable as she glared down at Noah. “This fight’s over, but we ain’t done. Get up.”

She took her boot off his chest and offered him a hand. Noah took it, wincing as she pulled him up, while the rest of the team followed suit and staggered to their feet. They had been well and truly battered, their pride even more so, and the frustration was plain on their faces.

“What do you mean, not done?” Eunie groaned. “You made mincemeat out of us.”

“Exactly. You wanted my help, you’re getting it. Aggy, Oggy, help me get this lot back to camp, yeah?”

“Yes, ma’am.” “Right away.”

“So… we’re taking… a break…?” Lanz was breathing hard, and he winced as he cracked the tension out of his shoulders.

Ghondor barked out a humourless laugh. “At least while you’re in that sorry state. If I had to pick between you and the scenery right now, I’d get more satisfaction out of punching a damn tree.”

Eventually, they limped their way back to camp near the shore, Eunie and Taion burning through the last of their ether to heal everyone’s cuts and brusies while Oggy and Aggy passed around canteens of water. Noah was grateful for the strong coastal breeze on his face. It didn’t fix the sweat plastering his shirt to his body, but at least it was helping him cool his head, and the salty air was refreshing as he downed his drink.

“You really went all out on us, huh?” Sena stretched an arm behind her head as she sat down, her joints popping.

“You still shoulda been able to take me no problem.” Ghondor frowned. She hooked one leg on top of the other and leant forward, staring daggers into the group. “You guys are in serious shit right now, aren’t you?”

Everyone avoided her gaze.

“Look, that sorta display wouldn’t have even qualified you for the first round of Ouroboros candidates. And I know youse can do better, I’ve seen it myself.”

“We know,” Noah mumbled. “That’s why we asked for your help.”

“Bloody glad you did. Want the damage report?” She didn’t even pause for a reply, jabbing a finger toward Mio. “You’ve forgotten your instincts. You’re thinking too much, so your responses are as slow as all get out.” Mio’s ears flattened despite the stoic expression on her face.

She turned on Eunie next. “You were hardly with us at all, your brain might as well have been stuffed up a tirkin’s arse. And Taion, you were trying too hard to cover for everyone and not keeping yourself topped up. You ran out of steam when you needed the most ether. Same with you, Lanz. Tried to cover too much ground rather than making me come to you and it cost ya.” None of the three could hide their disappointment at Ghondor’s painful assessment.

“As for you, Sena,” Ghondor narrowed her eyes and Sena squeaked. “What in the bloody biscuits was that shit you pulled? The attacker drawing agro? Doesn’t matter how desperate it gets, if you’ve still got two upright defenders then you keep your focus on dealing damage. The whole point of divvying up the work is to play to your strengths, not to kill yourself. Where was the trust in your team?”

Sena’s lip quivered, but she furrowed her eyebrows and nodded. “You’re right.”

“Damn straight. But, my biggest issue with is with you, Noah. What in the spark-damned blazes were you trying to do?”

“I-I… I don’t know. I don’t actually remember what happened.” Noah fidgeted.

“You don’t remember? By the Queen’s shiny arsehole…” Ghondor pinched the bridge of her nose and huffed out a loud breath.

“We’re snuffed, aren’t we?” Lanz said.

“I won’t lie to you, this is the least coordinated team I’ve ever had the displeasure of fighting. But…” she paused dramatically, giving a cocky grin. “Lucky for you, y’ain’t done yet. I mean, blimey, your power levels are still through the roof. It’s a big job ahead to get back on track, but there’s only one key thing to fix and then you’ll be right as rain. In a nutshell, all you need to do is fix your communication and teamwork.”

A miserable silence was the response she got.

“…what? What I say?” Ghondor arched an eyebrow.

“Honestly, this would have been easier to fix if it was a physical problem,” Taion said.

Sena nodded. “Yeah, we were kinda hoping a training session or two would fix it.”

“Really?” Ghondor frowned. “I thought you lot were more resilient than that. But I guess with all that combat-focus back in your colonies, you didn’t get the most holistic training. No-one taught you the most important stuff, ey?”

“Most important?” Mio asked.

“Ya know, real teamwork. Not just filling up your flame clocks and fighting for your teammates, but relationships, knowing the people who’ve got your back. The stuff that doesn’t just apply to the battlefield. This isn’t simply about beating Moebius, but about how to live.”

“You mean, our relationships with each other?” Taion pressed.

“Bingo. My partners and I, regardless of our families and personal experiences, we know each other almost better than we know ourselves. It’s trust that really makes the dream work. I think a pinch of that should do the trick for you lot too.”

“Your ‘partners’? You mean the other Ouroboros candidates?” Eunie asked.

“Nah, romantic partners.”

Sena tilted her head to one side, confusion apparent on her face. “But, you said ‘partners’, like, plural. I thought… couples… huh?”

Ghondor stared back at the blank faces in front of her and suddenly sputtered into laughter, water sloshing out of her canteen as she slapped her leg. “Oh man, I forgot you guys only just learned all this stuff. No wonder you’re all looking at me like I’ve got a few screws loose. Alright, alright, rewind a bit. Let me introduce you to this thing called ‘polyamory’.”

Noah sat on a bench outside the tents, nursing his cup of tea in the cool morning air. His head was still swimming from yesterday’s conversation with Ghondor and judging from the silence of his usually chatty teammates around him, he wasn’t the only one. Taion was staring through the map in front of him, rather than at it, and he’d never seen Lanz and Sena do such uninterested push-ups. Across from him, the tips of Mio’s ears were folded down as she sipped her tea, in that way that indicated she was deep in thought, and Eunie was loudly gnawing on her thumbnail on his left.

Riku had given Noah a knowing look a while earlier and left with Manana to go foraging. Time to talk, he’d wordlessly conveyed as the pair waddled off.

Noah sighed deeply and addressed the party. “Could you all come ‘round for a second?”

The group slowly gathered, a mix of anxious relief on their faces.

Eunie elbowed Noah gently. “Thanks for getting the ball rolling. I was at my wits end trying to pluck up the courage to do it myself.”

Noah nodded sympathetically and turned to the group, now nervously seated around the fire. “Anyone else wondering what we do with all of that information Ghondor gave us yesterday?”

The response was a chorus of yeses and sighs.

“It was a lot to take in,” Mio said.

“Yeah, and all these new words, like, uh what was it, ‘polycule’? And ‘metafour’?” Lanz asked.

“Metamour,” Taion corrected.

“Yeah, that one! Those were some blinkin’ weird concepts.”

“Yeah, but I’m…” Sena paused, finding the right words. “…I’m pretty excited about it. It’s nice to know there are other groups like us out there.”

“You wanna give this polycule thing a go, eh Sena?” Eunie asked with a grin.

“I-I mean, if anyone else- as long as-” Sena sputtered, blushing furiously.

“I’m just teasing ya. I’m really snuffin’ curious too.” The tips of Eunie’s ears reddened in spite of her unabashed façade.

Taion cleared his throat. “As exciting as this all is, it’s a big thing to introduce into our team just to help us fight better. I’d be surprised if none of us had any reservations. If you have concerns, now’s a good time to speak up.”

“I-”  “It’s-”

Mio and Noah both started at the same time. They closed their mouths as quickly as they’d opened them.

Noah gestured to Mio. “You first.”

“Are you sure? You can-”

Noah nodded.

Mio hesitated, eyeing him with concern. “Well, I think we might have the same point to raise anyway,” she said, turning back to the group. “When Noah and I were talking the other night, we talked about how to handle all these new changes. We both have a bunch of memories from N and M that we don’t know what to do with, but we both want to focus on the whole team and not just ourselves.” Mio nodded to Noah to indicate she was finished.

“Yes, what Mio said. And, well, it’s…” Noah hesitated. “I feel like it’s my fault that we’re even needing to have this conversation. I’m sorr-”

“Nah, cut that out.” Lanz interrupted. “What next, gonna blame yourself for Z starting this whole Endless-Now-problem in the first place?”

“No, but N-”

“-isn’t you, Noah. And no matter how many times you think it, we’ll all tell you the same thing.”

Noah looked around the circle. Everyone was nodding in agreement with Lanz, not a hint of resentment in their eyes. A surge of relief washed through him. “Thanks, everyone.”

“Mio does raise a good point though,” Taion said. “How do we make this work for the team as a whole? Changing things now could actually make it worse.”  

Each considering Taion’s words, a quietness settled amongst them.

Eventually, Sena broke the silence. “It’s all about communication, right?” She paused as everyone looked up at her, before hastily continuing. “Like Ghondor said yesterday, if we aren’t honest with our feelings, how are we going to get through this? And… I don’t want to hold back anymore. If we get to the Queen, if we keep on fighting, if we beat Z and destroy the Endless Now, I don’t want to have any regrets.”

Noah pondered Sena’s words. No regrets, huh?

Eunie chimed in. “I’m with Sena on this. If we only have a few more terms, or even a few more months, I don’t want an okay life, I want a good life- no, a great one even.”

“It doesn’t have to be perfect, but yeah, it’s gotta be worth something in the end.” Lanz nodded. “Plus, if we actually talk these things out, surely it can’t get worse than where we are now. What do you reckon, Noah?”

“I… yeah. I think so too. Though, I’m still worried if I can cope with it.” Noah tried to smile at the simple possibility of something good for a change, but a half-frown was the most optimism he could muster.

“Let’s set some boundaries then.” Mio smiled at him. “If we start the conversation, we can hit pause at any time, yeah?”

Noah weighed her words. She was right, this didn’t have to be an immediate change, they could turn this new leaf bit by bit. He nodded and his frown eased a little.

“I guess we start talking then…?” Eunie said. She trailed off with a shrug, looking to Taion for help.

He caught her drift. “It might be wise to say where we currently are in terms of our individual feelings, and where our personal boundaries are. Maybe any preferences we have too?”

Sena stood up with a nervous bounce on the balls of her feet. “Well, I said no regrets, and I mean it, so here goes! I’m really curious about this whole polycule thing and I want to understand all the weird feelings I’ve been having. I also think I wanna have s-sex sometime. And…” she stammered to a halt, swallowed hard and continued. “And I think I’m most interested in Mimi and Lanz.” She quickly sat back down and gripped her knees, her face a vivid shade of scarlet. Eunie gave her a nudge and a wink, and she relaxed a little.

“I- I guess it’s my turn then,” Mio said, getting to her feet. “I’m in a bit of a weird situation, what with having M’s prior experiences in my head. I… I really want to know if it feels that good to have sex, it’s honestly driving me mad. I’d feel comfortable trying out a relationship with all of you, especially Noah, but also particularly with Sena and Taion.”

Lanz stood as Mio sat. “Me next, then. I’m pretty open to this whole thing, and I’m definitely interested in Sena, Eunie, and Noah, but I think that’s just ‘cos I understand you guys easier, so I’m happy to go wherever my feelings take me. Heads up though, I, er, didn’t quite look like the diagrams Doc Hollis showed us. We had to have a follow-up chat later so I could ask some questions.”

“Oh, now you mention it…” Eunie frowned. “Your thing doesn’t look the same as Noah’s, does it? Snuff, I’d clean forgotten.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” Sena blinked.

Lanz continued. “It’s, uh, difficult to explain. I have a dick and all, but it looks slightly different to Noah’s and probably to Taion’s as well? I hadn’t given it much thought until recently. That’s all from me though.” He took his seat, pointedly ignoring the twinges of confusion on a few faces.

Once Taion had composed himself from pondering Lanz’s revelation, he was next. “I, um, well firstly, I’m glad this conversation is going well. I admit that I have romantic feelings towards Mio and Eunie, and that I’m curious about the finer details of having sex. I seem to prefer women to men, but I’m open to experimenting. Especially if Lanz’s declaration is anything to go by.”

“Are you really that curious about my junk?” Lanz asked as Taion sat, arching an eyebrow at him.

Taion pushed his glasses back upwards on his flushed face, refusing to return any eye-contact. “I-It’s unexplored territory, of course I’m curious.”

Noah hastily stood to prevent further teasing between the two of them. Once he was standing, however, he regretted being so quick on his feet. He swallowed hard under the pressure of everyone’s attention. “I, uh… well… I’m kind of in the same boat as Mio. I have a lot of unanswered questions about how things should feel, and I’m still worried about controlling my emotions.”

He looked across at Mio, and her encouraging smile was enough to help him continue, despite the dizzying flush on his face. “I know I’m attracted to Mio, of course, but also to Lanz and Eunie, because, well, yeah... But I definitely want to form stronger relationships with everyone.” He gave an awkward nod to no-one in particular, and gratefully returned to the comfort of his seat.   

“Lucky last then.” Eunie said as she stood. “I have to say, my curiosity is really getting the better of me here-”

“I mean, you did just out and ask Gray if he and Rozana have any babies…” Taion muttered quietly.

Eunie rolled her eyes. “Oh zip-it, Four-eyes. You were all busting to ask, I was just the only one with the brass to do it.”

Taion scoffed loudly, but she cleared her throat and pressed on. “I have no preferences off the top of my head, but I’m down to try anything at least once. Feelings-wise, I’m probably closest to Taion, Noah, and Lanz, but I for sure want to get closer with Mio and Sena too.”

As she sat down, there was an embarrassed hush. Noah wasn’t sure what was hotter, the fire or his face.

“Sparks, I hope Ghondor’s right about this communication thing.” Lanz muttered. “This is super embarrassing.”

The whole party mumbled in agreement.

Chapter Text

A week and a half later, Noah found himself lingering near the entrance of an enormous tent. It felt stupidly imposing now that he stood in front of it, despite knowing beforehand that the one they’d needed to borrow from the City for this “training exercise” was going to be big. He remembered the smirk on Ghondor’s face behind Monica as they’d made their request, and his relief that Ghondor hadn’t said a word. Chances were that she knew they were off bonding together at her suggestion, but he hoped that she hadn’t quite worked out exactly what that entailed.

They needed to bond and be truly vulnerable with each other. What better way to understand everyone’s feelings than to have sex? It would rip off the bandage of sexual tension they’d all been fighting, whilst giving them a new way to appreciate everyone’s strengths and needs.

It was an excellent plan in theory, he reflected. He also reflected on how painful ripping off bandages could be.

Noah checked the clearing behind him one more time. The large cove, where Colony 15 had been prior to their eager relocation to the City, was deserted. Triton had even moved the old Ferronis for the week, something about “booty in them thar’ deserted islands” out west, working with Fiona and Colony Mu on some kind of combination scavenger-hunt-fishing-trip.

They hadn’t pressed the issue. Rather, they’d been a bit distracted with working out how they wanted to go about this. In the City dorms two nights prior, Noah had walked in on Taion watching a video for… research. He had promptly turned on his heel and walked out again, only to walk in on a girls-only conversation in the next room, his ears immediately catching snippets of Eunie’s research on “erogenous zones”. When Lanz rounded the corner and found him frozen in the hallway, steam billowing from his face, he’d promptly been taken to the Michiba canteen for a drink.

This was all moving very fast. He wasn’t ready to admit that he felt it was too soon and that it couldn’t happen fast enough. Yet, undoubtedly, the time was now.

Noah grimaced, pushed the nervous energy down into his stomach, and forced himself inside.

As his eyes adjusted to the dim light, the first thing he noticed was the array of sleeping mats pushed together in the middle of the space with a few piles of pillows scattered atop. The second thing he noticed was the way everyone in the tent was actively avoiding it.

A few paces away, Eunie was emptying a bag of bottles of liquids and creams onto a table. He could make out some of the larger text on some, like “luxe” and “silk”, and one filled with an unnaturally pink liquid had the word “JUICY” stamped across it. A few boxes had already been unpacked nearby, filled with metallic packets in increasingly larger sizes. Condoms, Noah realised, recalling the instructionals Taion had asked them to familiarise themselves with. The last thing any of them wanted was an embarrassing trip to Doc Hollis’ clinic for emergency contraceptives.

“Supplies are sorted, just like you asked,” Eunie called over to Taion. “Lubes in a variety of flavours, and condoms in a variety of sizes.” She gave a satisfied flourish to her display.

“Thanks for that.” Taion responded from his corner of the tent, where he was setting out some canteens of water and protein bars. He paused and looked up at her from his task, his eyebrows furrowed. “Flavours?” he questioned.

“What? You wanted me to only buy the boring stuff?”

“We didn’t go that weird, we promise,” Sena piped up. She finished unfolding the chair she was setting up and walked over to Eunie, picking up one of the bottles of lubricant. “We got regular, dance apple, choclit, and something called ‘Juicy Sugar Rush’?”

Ah. That would be the strange pink one, Noah noted.

In the corner next to him, Lanz let out a snort. “What the snuff flavour is ‘Juicy Sugar Rush’ s’posed to be?”

“Haven’t the foggiest.” Eunie shrugged.

Mio, meanwhile, was ignoring the whole exchange, checking something on her iris by the edge of the tent. She nodded, tapped something, and her hair transformed itself into a long ponytail. “There, that’ll hopefully keep it out the way. Tempted just to cut the whole lot off…”

Noah choked back an involuntary sound. Her long, silver hair was tied up at the crown of her head with a red cord, the same way he would style his own. On Mio, though, it was something else. Did she do it deliberately, mirroring his appearance? The thought died on his tongue as his eyes drifted downwards to the curve of her neck, exposed and soft and kissable-

Lanz gave him a sharp elbow to the ribs, and he almost fell over. “I think Noah’d rather you keep it long. Looks like you’ve short-circuited his brain.”

“R-really?” Mio looked over in surprise.

“Sorry, I-I didn’t mean to stare.” Noah looked away and rubbed the back of his head. “Your hair, it looks really good like that.” His face felt like it was alight.

“Snuff it Noah, now I’m all jittery!” Eunie whined. “I think I’ll die if we don’t get started soon.”

At least he wasn’t the only one feeling it; he could sense the nervous energy they all shared.

Well, it was now or never.

Noah gave a nod to Taion. He was as ready as he’d ever be.

“Are we all okay? Remember the safeword?” Taion asked.

They nodded. If anyone needed to slow down or stop, they simply needed to say “Monica” or tap three times if they were unable to speak.

“Right then, let’s strip!” Lanz was already yanking his shirt over his head. Noah smirked. He’d never really been one for modesty back at Colony 9, and it seemed some habits were hard to shake.

Sena, however, strode over and trapped his hands in the fabric.

“Woah there, you don’t want any help?” she asked, ignoring his attempts to wriggle free.

“Help? Why would-” Lanz flinched as Eunie stepped forward and palmed the curve of his ass.

“No idea how curious you made us with that whole speech the other day, huh?” Eunie crooned. “Taion, get in here.”

“No need to ask me twice.”

Before he could even jokingly protest, Taion was already unbuckling the waistband of Lanz’s trousers. Noah swallowed hard and found himself moving in closer as well. He knelt down next to Taion as the clothing fell to the floor. His large, grey cock sprang free, already mostly erect, but what caught Noah’s eye were the small gold ridges and lines running along the sides, much like the lines across the rest of his body. They striped upwards along his shaft, meeting at the tip in a circle. Noah leaned in. Sure enough, beneath the lines, he could see a steady pulsing light, barely visible unless you really looked for it.

“Taion, do you see…?” Noah let him take a closer look.

“I… yes? Why does it light up like that?”

“Now this I gotta check out!” Eunie joined them on the floor, Sena and Mio quick to follow, all five of them shuffling around to make room for each other.

“I guess it looks a little different,” Sena said. “It’s definitely big.”

“It’s the lines along it, see?” Mio pointed out.

Eunie frowned. “Hmm, you’re right. Any use for them?”  

“Dunno,” Lanz replied. “I think I’m a little more sensitive on the gold bits, but it wasn’t all that noticeable when I tried anything on myself.”

“C-can I…?” Sena was blushing madly as she looked up at him, one hand hovering at the ready.

He grinned. “Go for it.”

Delicately, Sena ran a fingertip along his shaft, letting out a little noise of surprise as his cock twitched at her touch. Noah let out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding.  He felt parched as Sena began to trace the golden lines, and she grew more emboldened when Lanz let out a broken moan.

“I take it that’s good?” Eunie asked with a smirk.

“Sparks! Very sensitive, turns out.” Lanz corrected.

“You don’t say…” Sena tentatively wrapped her hand around it and stroked slowly upwards. Her hair flickered a little brighter as Lanz hissed through his teeth. Noah saw Taion swallow hard and lick his lips.

“Noah, Taion, you got no idea how good this feels. Sure you don’t want to join in on- ahh!”

He was interrupted as Taion leaned in and licked his cock from base to shaft in one long slow stripe. Lanz’s knees buckled, and Mio instinctively stood to steady him.

“Seems even more sensitive when licked,” Taion gloated. He looked up at Lanz, and Noah couldn’t tell who was blushing more.

“Bloody hell, not exactly what I meant by joining in. Warn a guy when you’re about to-”

Taion licked an experimental swipe across the tip, and his protests gave way to a heady moan.

“Nah, Taion’s right, more fun this way.” Eunie grinned. “How’s it taste?”

“Like nothing I’ve tried before, maybe a little metallic? Pleasant though,” Taion said without taking his eyes off of Lanz’s cock, immediately going in again.

“Can I have a go next?” Sena asked, unable to hide her eager curiosity.

“Be my guest,” Taion managed to say between mouthfuls.

“Could we take this to the mattresses first?” Mio suggested.

Lanz managed a nod, and feebly tried to push Taion and Sena back a bit. “Geez, I feel like my legs are giving way.”

Somehow, the pair restrained themselves long enough to let Lanz stumble over to the mattresses. Noah found himself following quickly behind, entranced by the flush on Lanz’s face. Sena’s hands were all over Lanz’s thighs, muttering little admirations for his thick muscles, while Taion was tracing every golden line on his body, testing for a reaction. Lanz indulged him with many noises and tremors to decipher.

Noah’s mind drifted back to their time in Li Garte prison. Had he looked so flushed when Eunie had touched his body, when Lanz had stroked him in the same way? His cock was straining in his trousers. Even his shirt felt too small, too tight against his chest, everything hot across his skin. The others were feeling it too, he realised, watching Mio shrug her jacket from her shoulders, and his heart fluttered in his chest.

He was still wrestling with the uninterrupted stream of thoughts racing through him when Eunie whispered something low into Taion’s ear, blushing all the way to her wings. Whatever she had said had made him stop mid-lick of Lanz’s cock, Sena enthusiastically taking up the task in his place. Eunie shuffled behind Taion and slid her hand upwards along his clothed erection. Helpless to the sensation, Taion slumped backwards into her embrace, breathing hard as she fumbled with the clasp of his trousers and pulled his cock out.

“Sp-sparks, Eunie,” he whined, bucking into her touch as her fingers skated along his shaft.

“Be a good boy and hold still for me, love,” she murmured. With a twist of her hand, she gave a long slow stroke downwards.

The sound Taion made seared itself into Noah, delicious and wanton. A shudder ran up his own spine, watching him unravel under Eunie’s fingers. Lanz was continuing to fight back breathy moans of his own as Sena sucked and kissed, her ass swaying desperately without the friction she needed between her legs. Noah bit his lip as his body responded to the scene before him. He looked over to Mio-

Mio had crawled over behind Eunie and pulled her shirt down to expose Eunie’s full pale breasts. She shivered as the cool air hardened her nipples. With a smile, Mio dipped her head into the crook of Eunie’s neck and sucked, sliding a hand in front to squeeze her breast at the same time. Taion moaned as Eunie’s grip tightened on his shaft and Eunie’s wings fluttered a little as she sang out a soft “ooh”.

The sight sent Noah into a deadlock. The heat in his abdomen was agonising; he could feel his cock throbbing with need, the tip leaking into the fabric of his underwear. And yet, he was frozen in place. The sharp blue fingerprints of N’s presence in his mind stabbed into him mercilessly. He wanted to pin Mio down like he had, to claim her, to make her moan with unbearable pleasure. He could feel N’s cock spearing into him, tight and intense. He wanted to be fucked. He wanted to be pleasured. He wanted to feel the ecstasy of being inside of her, to see his sword dripping scarlet with N’s blood as he stabbed into him over and over and-

“Noah.”

Noah opened his eyes. Mio.

She crawled over to him, her eyes shining deep, and she laced her fingers between his.

She was warm, and beautiful, and real. Everything else fell away.

I love you.  

Noah surged forward and captured her lips in his.

It was exactly how he knew it would be, she tasted so wonderfully like Mio, her lips so soft against his. It felt like the wind rushing through his soul, all sunlight and sweetness. His hand squeezed hers as she kissed him urgently.

There was no time They’d waited so long They had all the time in the world.

He reached up with his free hand and wound his fingers into her hair, kissing her again and again, deeper, his tongue dancing across her lips as his body remembered how she liked it, and he trembled with restraint. Mio pressed her breasts against his chest, her own desperation clear. It wasn’t enough, he needed to feel her more, to feel the heat of her skin flush against him. Noah unlinked his fingers from hers and pressed his hand into the small of her back. Her body arched into his. She leant back, letting him fall atop her on the mattress, his legs spreading hers apart. Their kiss broke with a gasp as Mio ground herself against him. Noah shuddered with delight.

“Fuck…” Eunie whispered.

“Sparks, save some for the rest of us, won’t you?” Lanz quipped, the gladness in his voice evident.

Noah’s mind bared its fangs, possessive hisses of mine echoing in his head. He tried to suppress it, his lips pressing into Mio’s neck, forcing himself back to the sensations of her body beneath him.

“Mio…” He breathed into her skin with a rasp. A noise pierced his skull with a violent screech, his chest flashed with a crimson glow, his vision turned blue-

“Noah… Noah?”

Noah’s eyes snapped open. He was still in the tent, on all fours, winded and shaking. Mio lay beneath him, her hand resting on his cheek. Catching his breath, he noticed Eunie’s hand on his back, and realised everyone was gathered around him in concern. That familiar shadow of shame returned to him.

“I-I’m alright,” he stuttered, lowing his gaze to the mattress.

“We can take it slower if you need,” Sena assured him.

He shook his head. “I don’t- I… the feelings are just really strong.”

“Tell us what you want, maybe we can help?” Taion asked.

“I…” Noah thought hard, sifting through the mess of emotions in his head.

“Breathe, Noah.” Mio smiled up at him.

His wants and needs began to rise to the surface. He wanted Mio, so, so badly, but he also needed to feel powerless, to let himself be taken in return. Anything to stop him becoming N, any means to choose to be better. A balancing act of vulnerability. His cock twitched and his ass clenched in turn.

“…need something in me,” he finally said.

Lanz cleared his throat to volunteer, his grey cheeks tinting red. “I’ll be as gentle as you need?” he asked, and he shuffled closer to Noah, placing a hand on his waist. The heat from his palm sent a dizzying warmth through his body.

Noah nodded eagerly.

“Then, may I?” Lanz leaned in, placing his hand atop Mio’s and turning Noah to face him. His mahogany eyes were brimming with arousal. Noah wanted to drown in them. All he could do was nod and let Lanz tilt his chin upwards to press their lips together.

Kissing Lanz was different to kissing Mio in ways that made Noah’s brain stop working. Where Mio’s lips were soft and desperate, his lips felt like the steady hum of an ether lamp and the gentle force of the ocean tide. He let himself be pulled out to sea as Mio’s hand traced upwards along his clothed erection, moaning loudly into Lanz’s mouth.

It might have been an eternity that they moved like that, his cock twitching under Mio’s touch, his lips tingling against Lanz’s. He felt a desperate whine leave his mouth as he was tugged backwards by Eunie, pulling his shirt over his head, while Taion removed his pants. Sena, who had left the mattress while he was thoroughly distracted, returned with some bottles of lube and some condoms, and handed a bottle to Lanz. Noah watched needily as Lanz coated a finger.

“On your hands and knees, please Noah,” Taion asked politely. “I think you’ll find that the most comfortable.”

Noah nodded feebly, settling into position. In front of him, Sena was taking off Mio’s stockings, planting gentle kisses along her thighs. She slid the fabric of Mio’s panties aside. He licked his lips in want.

“Pretty hot, huh?” Eunie whispered in his ear.

He opened his mouth to respond, but his words died on his tongue as Lanz’s finger slowly pressed into his hole. He could feel the stretch, the warmth of Lanz inside of him, like an intense fulfilling ache.

“Shhh…. just like that. Nice and relaxed,” Eunie crooned. “Does it feel good?”

“Y-yes…” he moaned.

Eunie breathed low into his ear. “Should Sena touch Mio like Lanz is touching you?”

“Sparks, yes.”

That was all the encouragement Sena needed. Waiting until Taion had helped Mio out of her shirt, she slid a finger against Mio’s entrance. Mio mewled and threw her head back. Slowly, Sena teased her folds, slick coating her fingers as her digit dipped in and out of her.

Noah ground his hips backwards against Lanz’s finger. “More,” he begged.

Lanz obliged, adding a second finger and stretching him wider.

“Nngh!” Noah ground his teeth, his eyes fluttering shut. He forced himself to breathe. Mio moaned louder too, and he opened his eyes to watch Sena pushing a second finger into her as well. The wet squelching of Lanz and Sena’s fingers resounded in his ears alongside the thumping of his heart.

Lanz scissored his fingers and squirted more lube directly inside of him. The sensation made him shudder, it was too wet, too similar to the feeling of N’s seed inside of him, but Lanz chased the thought from his mind as a third finger agonisingly pressed inside of him, the burn in his hole intensifying. He collapsed onto his forearms, and Taion tucked a strand of his hair that had slipped from his ponytail back behind one ear with a soothing caress.

“Almost there, Noah,” he reassured him. “Let it feel good.”

Noah gasped out a whine, his voice mingling with Mio’s own sounds of pleasure. He needed to be inside of her, and he needed Lanz’s cock to be inside of him, and it didn’t matter how as long as it happened immediately.

“R-ready, please, I need it. Please, Mio, Lanz, everyone…!”

Taion leant over him to whisper into Lanz’s ear. Noah moaned as Lanz’s fingers twitched inside him at whatever Taion was suggesting. It felt like it took hours for him to explain his plan to Sena, Eunie, and Mio, the words washing around him in an impatient rush, unable to convert the sounds into meaning.

Finally, Sena and Eunie helped Noah up, and Taion tore open a condom packet for him, rolling the latex onto his cock with just the wrong amount of friction to give him what he needed. Lanz slipped his fingers out of him and his whole body protested the emptiness. His complaints were tempered as he was led over to Mio, hardly aware of himself as he leaned down and kissed her fervently, pressing their bodies together into the mattress, desperate to feel her whole self against him.

“Please, Noah, I need you,” she purred, hooking her legs around Noah’s waist.

“Mio, Mio, yes…” He rubbed his erection against her entrance, so slick and ready for him, and he began to press himself inside of her.

The sensation was incredible. She was so tight and warm, it felt so right to be connected to her like this. His body ached as he mustered all of his strength to hold back, moving in one cetri at a time. Beneath him, Mio’s flushed body was tense, her sharp nails digging into the sheets as she tried to breathe, the crystal in her chest shimmering. Noah fought back tears of relief as he bottomed out.

A whisper in the back of his brain hissed something unintelligible and demanding. Noah flinched. He needed to move, he needed to fuck her so badly-

Lanz’s warm hands took hold of his hips, and held him steady, still flush against Mio. “Need you to hold still for me for a tick, okay?” His breath was like a fire against Noah’s ear.

Noah didn’t want to hold still with a single fibre of his being, but he let Lanz’s warm body pressed against his back convince him otherwise. He gasped out a reply of consent.

He heard another wrapper being torn open, and after a moment, Lanz’s slick cock teased at his hole. Noah groaned deep and heady as the lube dripped out of him, down between his cheeks. Lanz spread them wide and began to press himself inside of Noah.

Noah’s whole body began to shake. It took all of his concentration to keep himself from slipping out of Mio, barely able to think as he was swallowed whole by the wonderful feeling of fullness as Lanz stretched him apart. Finally, after an eternity, Lanz stopped moving. Noah gasped in a deep breath. He could feel the ridges along Lanz’s cock infrequently sending out pulses of energy, and he shivered delightfully with each tingle it sent through him. Mio’s walls fluttered around his shaft at the slight movement he’d made. He whined desperately, but Lanz’s strong grip told him he wasn’t allowed to move yet.

Eunie, Taion, and Sena had finally rid themselves of their clothes and were positioning themselves at Taion’s suggestion. On his left, Sena was spreading herself open and guiding Mio’s hand between her legs. Noah could see the tense concentration on her face as she forced herself to hold off from pressing Mio’s fingers inside of her until all of them were ready, and he instantly sympathised. He tried to smile at her, only managing an ecstatic whimper as Lanz’s cock pulsed inside of him. He decided to focus on his breathing instead.

Eunie, on his right, tore open another condom packet, rolling it onto Taion’s cock, and turning around, knelt on all fours parallel to Mio. She wiggled her ass invitingly. Taion obliged, and ever so slowly, he pressed himself inside of her. Every time she tried to hurry him, he held her steady, chuckling as she huffed impatiently at him.

“Come on, pleeease, deeper Taion, I’m beggin’ here!”

“Patience, Eunie, just this once. I want to savour this.” Noah could hear the smirk in his voice.  

“Sparks, can’t you savour it faste- ahhh!” She gripped the sheets as Taion forced an appreciative sigh from her lips, as deep in her as he could be.

“Looks like we’re all ready, then,” Taion said breathily. He took Noah’s hand in his and leaned across to kiss him on the cheek, rubbing his thumb along the back of his hand in soothing circles. “On your signal.”

Noah nodded, his cheek warm where Taion’s lips had touched. “P-please.”

Lanz plunged forward, pressing him deep into Mio, and a cry ripped out of Noah’s chest. He pulled backwards and thrust back in, the motion mirrored in his own body as his cock rocked in and out of Mio, blissfully moaning. Sena and Eunie likewise couldn’t keep their voices down, Mio’s fingers and Taion’s cock satisfying and overwhelming their senses just as much. Taion was much quieter by comparison, but Noah distantly thought the little breaths that spilled from his lips were just as lovely to listen to.

It was beyond his wildest fantasies being able to experience the intimate pleasure of his friends like this, embraced on every side by their love for him and for each other. They gradually fell into a pleasing rhythm. One person would lead for a while, drawing out more fervent noises of pleasure from their counterparts, before letting another take charge, a choreography of ecstasy as their bodies danced and pushed each other closer and closer to the edge. Noah let himself be swept into it without a second thought, relishing the warmth of Mio around him and Lanz within, his body urging them to love him deeper and stronger, promising all of him in return.

After a while, he felt the change in energy. Something tingled in his fingertips beneath Taion’s grip on his hand, a white light of ether racing along his spine. Mio was arching upwards beneath him, and her moans grew louder and higher. She was close, tightening delightfully around his shaft. A kaleidoscope of colours soon followed; green, blue, gold, orange, red, and Noah realised it was his ether and theirs, heightened and flowing through his body. Their breathing was his own, their arousal too, and he could feel it burning through him.

The tension in his abdomen wound tighter, his body unravelling. He angled himself deeper into Mio, desperate to convey everything to her. Lanz moaned into his shoulder, the new angle clearly better for him as well, and he responded to Noah’s request by moving even faster than before. It was all Noah could do to hold on. Mio was so tight around him, and Lanz’s cock pounded the breath out of his lungs with every thrust. Sweat dripped from his forehead onto Mio’s chest. He quivered against Lanz. Taion gripped his hand tight. Then, with a groan, he surrendered to the pleasure.

Stars burst behind his eyes. His body was alight with ecstasy, his mind was drowning. He choked on the sensation, his body a mess of nerves and lust, and as Lanz kept thrusting, he finally came, his release shuddering through him. He was still shaking as Mio’s body trembled with her own climax. He could feel her hot wet release as her walls tensed around him, and he held on for dear life as Lanz delivered the final thrusts that made her come.

It was more than Noah could withstand, his body crumpling between them. He collapsed against Mio’s chest, feeling her body still shaking. Next to him, Sena was shuddering violently as Mio moved her fingers faster. She couldn’t hold back her high-pitched moans as she came, squirting into the sheets, the flames of her hair burning brilliantly. Lanz’s tempo slowed to a gentle rocking as he moaned Sena’s name.

Eunie and Taion wouldn’t hold out much longer either, Eunie’s cries growing louder, and Taion’s breathing becoming ragged.

“T-Taion, Taion…” Eunie chanted.

“Won’t stop… till you… come first…”

“Oh, oh, OH, Taion!” Eunie collapsed onto her forearms, all but screaming his name. Noah couldn’t help the moan the escaped him as he felt her shuddering through her release on the mattress beside him.

“Fuck!” Taion hissed through his teeth and pumped himself into her a few more times. His hand squeezed Noah’s like a vice as he came.

“Sparks, finally!” Lanz suddenly thrust deep and hard.

Noah yelled, Lanz’s cock heavy inside of him, searing and pulsing with ether. “L-Lanz, please! Please, please, snuff, I can’t-!” Noah begged, his hole fluttering with overstimulation and Mio keening beneath the both of them.

“Close… so close…” Lanz groaned, thrusting faster. His movements were jerkier now, erratic as he chased his release.

Noah whimpered and let his body go limp for him. He wanted to be malleable, perfect for Lanz to come in, to be perfect for every one of them. He wanted to let them know him and have him, connected together in body and heart.

Lanz rocked himself into Noah two, three more times, and Noah quivered with relief as he felt Lanz’s cock pulse strongly inside of him, finally coming. His breath was ragged, his energy spent, and his heart full to bursting. All of them were speechless, their panting the only sound in the tent, but they could feel the exhausted joy pumping through each other’s veins.

When Lanz finally slid out of Noah, and he out of Mio in turn, Noah blearily leaned up to kiss Mio once again, gently this time. His strength gave out and he rolled himself off of her and onto the mattress. His eyelids fluttered as Mio pushed the hair from his face. She tilted her head a little, as if to ask how he was doing.

Noah could only a manage a breathy whimper as he smiled back at her, hoping it was enough to express the gratitude he couldn’t put into words.

The smile she gave him said she understood, returning his feelings and more.

Beside him, he felt the mattress shift. The others, wiping sweat from their brows and limbs, flopped down as well.

“Wow.” Sena whispered.

Lanz chuckled. “Yeah, that was sparking amazing.”

“Snuff that interlinking nonsense,” Eunie panted, “I’ve never felt so connected to you guys.”

“What Eunie said.” Taion responded.

Mio smiled. “Must have been pretty good for you, Taion, if you’re agreeing with Eunie.”

“Oh shush,” they said in unison.

Lanz stifled a laugh.

Noah smiled, and for the first time he could remember, he wasn’t waiting for the twist of the knife. There was no sudden drop, no shattering of the world. For that one moment, there was nothing that mattered outside of the tent, outside of the embrace of the people he loved.

“I love you all,” he whispered, fighting back tears. “I love you all so impossibly much.”  

As Mio responded with a kiss to his forehead, he let his heavy eyelids close, drifting away in a numb contentment made of the warm bodies and soft breaths that surrounded him.

Everything was going to be alright.

Chapter Text

Origin was upon them. Tomorrow, it would begin.

Anxiety gnawed at Noah’s brain as he walked out of the dorms. He didn’t fear completing their mission, nor facing Z; he knew what they were going up against and that it would take all their combined strength to do what had to be done. No, the impending fight was a struck match against the fuse of his determination. Neither did he fear what awaited them inside of Origin. No alien mass of metal and fury could stop them.

His fear was simple: he knew N would be waiting for them. Waiting for him.

The cool, earthy air of the city was a relief against the heat of his face. In the bustle of the mid-morning, no-one paid him much notice as he walked out of the dormitory, through the residential district and onwards, paying no heed to where he was going. He just needed to move, to stretch his restless legs. His thoughts were a little quieter amidst the chatter of the City. Maybe he would be able to numb himself to make it through, carrying himself through the fight on adrenaline alone. He continued walking.

“The sound of awakening…”

Noah turned his head towards voice of a lone singer that caught his ear. They sat in the shade of a tree at the edge of Virid Park, some kind of stringed instrument across their lap. They flourished their hand across the strings and continued.

“The virgin yawn of folded wings

That cracks the crust of the cocoon

The breaking of first light inside the womb”

Noah stepped closer, entranced. As the singer half-sang, half-spoke the words, a million images danced in his mind. He’d never heard music performed this way before. It was as though the poetry was breathing, living through the song. He closed his eyes…

“Do you feel my heartbeat quickening

In between the baited breaths before the turning of the page

The sense that everything's about to change…

Kicking and screaming, you can't make me leave this place

Cradled in the arms of darkness, I am safe

Until you pulled me into life, how could I know that I'd been blind?”

An arrow ripped through his chest. All of the anguished wounds inside of him began to bleed as he remembered those dark nights in Li Garte prison, the cocoon of fog he’d retreated into in the absence of safety and hope, the rage he’d learned to quell, the before that was and the after that consumed him, he remembered and remembered and remembered…

“As whispers in the heart disclose the rumours of the truth

When the mind has all but hidden it from view

The surface trembles as the core begins to heat

And you are on the crust, the turning earth beneath your feet

Questioning if time has ever moved in a straight line

When you hear the aches of past life lovers

As you pass by one another in the street…

As the song danced around the park, it caught on the wind and whispered through the trees. Noah opened his eyes and stared open-mouthed at the singer before him. He didn’t recognise them, their face a stranger’s, but those words somehow resonated to the very heart of his own story. He could feel N behind him, pressed back-to-back with the very worst version of himself. Their collective thoughts swirled around their feet. Each heartbeat was a pulse laced with pity, and yet, their hearts beat on and on and on-

“The distance

And the difference

Between us

Is just illusion”

A single tear rolled down Noah’s cheek. The words rolled back and forth across his tongue as the singer repeated them again and again. They echoed loudly in the quiet park.

“The distance and the difference between us…”

“…is just illusion,” he sang under his breath, joining his song with the performer. A few others had also stopped to listen, and he realised many of them were singing this mantra with him. Some had tears in their eyes as well, while others’ eyes burned with flames of determination, everyone drawing upon their own emotions but united in one melody.

The tempo slowed and the performer held back the chords a little more with each strum. They breathed out the final words of the song. A hush fell over the park. Clapping began, cheering followed.

Noah forced his body to move again and joined the small crowd in applause. His arms felt heavy. Hastily, he turned and walked back towards the dorms, wiping the tear-stain from his cheek with the back of his hand. He knew what he had to do now. He knew exactly what N needed to hear.

He knew how to save himself.

He finished explaining his plan as the others sat around the City campfire. Bowls of stew sat half-finished in everyone’s laps as they all stared back at him. Even Manana had a spoonful suspended above her bowl, uneaten.

Noah held fast. He’d expected this sort of reaction.  

“Mate… that’s… are you sure about this?” Lanz gawked.

Sena nodded. “Y-yeah, I’m with Lanz on this one.”

“I’m certain.” Noah replied.

“Queen’s knickers, Noah, this is crazy. What if it doesn’t work? You’ll be-” Eunie cut herself off with a shudder.

“I have to agree with Eunie, this seems reckless at best.” Taion moved his spoon mindlessly through his stew, staring at the ground. His eyebrows furrowed. “And yet…” He looked up and stared Noah down. “You already know the outcome, don’t you?”

Noah smiled back at him. “He is me, after all.”

“It’ll work.”

Everyone turned to look at Mio as she spoke.

“Looking through M’s memories, I think it’ll work. I think it’s the right thing to do,” she said. “But Noah…”

“Yeah?”

“… be careful anyway. It’ll take more courage to do than I think I’d be able to find in myself.”

“Thanks, Mio.” Noah smiled. “It’s not just my courage that’s got me here though. It’s yours too. All of you. I… I don’t think I could have made it this far without you all.”

“Oh please, don’t go getting all sappy on us now. You’ll make me barf up my dinner.” Eunie pretended to gag with a wink.

“No up-chuck of Manana’s delicious stew! Spent too long cooking tasty meal for friends!” Manana protested, flapping her wings angrily.

Sena and Riku immediately began reassuring Manana that Eunie was joking. Lanz barked out a laugh, earning an elbow to the ribs from Taion. It was just like old times.

Just like old times.

Noah hummed a contented sound to himself and took a spoonful of stew. Across the flicker of the fire, Mio looked back at him. They shared a moment of understanding and smiled at each other. These were the things they fought for. Meaningless conversations, harmless banter, and the feeling of knowing each other with the intimacy of a thousand lifetimes.

Their dorm room that night was a tangle of limbs and kisses, even more than normal. It was common enough for several beds to lie unused by morning and for a few beds to be dragged together, but it seemed that all of them were reluctant to be apart, urgency tinting their kisses and each embrace just a little tighter than usual. Not one of them wanted to sleep alone on their last night together.

Noah was endlessly grateful for their company. It was less difficult to spiral into his anxious thoughts when Mio, stretched out on her back and hogging a whole mattress to herself, was squeezing his hand, or when Lanz’s breathing on the nape of his neck was soothingly warm and rhythmic. The physical exhaustion after sex washed in waves over his body. He tingled pleasantly from the memory of Taion’s cock inside him and Eunie’s warmth along his shaft. His lips still faintly tasted of Sena’s fiery slick.

His lovers, friends, companions, and the physical and emotional abundance of their love for each other. Of all the things remaking the world would destroy, he was going to miss these things the most.

And so, for one final night, he clung to their connected souls as he drifted into sleep. 

Eunie pushed the button nearby, still catching her breath as the last metallic foe dissipated behind them. "This better be the last sparking door, or Imma start ripping these doors off their tracks with my snuffing teeth," she grumbled.

Surely, they were getting closer, Noah hoped. For the sake of Eunie's teeth at least.

Several layers of golden doors shifted apart and a cold fog seeped out, and Noah let out the breath he'd been holding. They'd finally reached the room they were looking for. Bruised from their violent landing into the core of Origin, the relentless fights against metal Moebian monstrosities were wearing their patience and stamina thin, but they had, at last, cut their way into the innermost parts of Origin. His legs moved instinctively, running into the room without hesitation.

As he grew closer, he slowed in horror, unable to tear his eyes away.

Beyond a snaking mess of metal, sharp and angular, and split open like the jagged edges of a geode, Noah stared upwards at the Queen of Keves, the true Queen, bound by thick black cables the width of his forearms, and suspended in a glow of lurid violet. Unmoving, unresponsive. He tried to steady his breathing at this horrid display, swallowing heavily.

“T-that’s vile… how could they do this to her?” Mio whispered beside him.

Noah could only mutely agree. He’d expected the worst, but his relief for the Queen’s apparent safety was soured by Moebius’ cruelty. Z had strung up one half of this world’s hope in the same way that N has bound him that night in prison.

For degrading amusement.

Noah’s hand fell to the hilt of his sword. He simply needed to cut the cables to release-

“Took you long enough.”

Noah’s knees faltered beneath him as a surge of anxiety roiled through his stomach. “He’s here,” he murmured. “N...”

N materialised from within the shadows to his left, stepping forward until he stood, separating them from the Queen. The air seemed to warp and bend in the space between them. His eyes, cold and empty, stared through them, the dark creases around them more prominent than usual. He was even more of an empty shell than when they’d last been face to face. The sorry state of him galvanised Noah's resolve.

His plan begins here. The time was now.

Over the deafening sound of his own heartbeat, Noah steeled himself, and began to speak.

“You look unwell,” he said.

N fixed his gaze on him.

Noah continued, unwavering. “Like me. When you had us locked up.”

N’s smirk was hollow and his breathy laugh tinged with fury. “Got my just deserts? Well don’t you look smug with my woman on your arm, Noah.”

Noah recoiled at the venom with which his name was spoken, pity welling up within him. “Does this face really look smug to you?”

“What else would you call it, huh?”

Noah looked away, shook his head, and then smiled up at N with all of the warmth his heart could muster.

N flinched. Confusion flashed across his face for the briefest of moments.

“I’m sorry, N.”

“Wh- Sorry? ”

Noah stepped forward.

N recoiled half a step backward.

“I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I understand how much you’re hurting.”

“What in sparks could you possibly know about me?”

“I know because I am you.”

Fear flashed dangerously in N's eyes. “Stop it.” 

Noah kept walking, closing the distance between them. “Two sides of the same coin, split by fate and will, but one and the same.”

“I’m warning you, don’t you dare come any closer.” N’s hand hovered over the hilt of his sword. “Whatever this ploy is, you cannot hope to win. Not while I stand here, at the brink of the void.”

Noah smiled. “Void…”

“What’s so damn funny?!” N shifted his stance lower, an Aspar preparing to strike.

“That void, N,” Noah said with a sad smile, “that’s just your grief.”

N froze. “What?”

Noah walked closer, mere steps apart now. “It’s called sadness, N.”

And with all his might, Noah projected his soul into N’s.

The sharp stab of blue light threatened to cut him in half as he linked their minds together once more, a flood of memories and emotions crashing into each other. Through the glassy lens, he saw N fall onto one knee, gripping his head in agony and denial. Noah stepped closer still, one foot in front of the other, until he knelt in front of him.

N looked up at him in panic and fury, gnashing his teeth. “What the fuck do you want from me? Revenge? Huh?”

Noah placed a gentle hand on N’s cheek. “We didn’t just come here to rescue the Queen, N. We came here for you.”

N’s eyes widened, watery and wild.

“To honour M’s wishes,” Noah said softly, “and to rescue you from your sorrow.”

And Noah pressed his lips against N’s in a gesture of complete forgiveness.

Chapter Text

Noah could taste the confusion on N’s lips, his gentle smile pressed against N’s scowling, gasping mouth. This was his gift to N, his gift to himself.

Unconditional love.

Suddenly, the air shimmered violently around them, the metal in their swords ringing in a cacophony with the metal of Origin. Noah pulled back as the room flashed in a blinding purple light and the room distorted. N’s hand grabbed his throat and hurled him away, and Noah crashed against a nearby wall with a groan.

He cracked his eyes open as N strode towards him. They were no longer in the Queen’s prison, but somewhere else, the trail of ether floating behind N’s body indicating that he’d teleported them away in a panic. Noah had half a moment to survey his new surroundings, a small room roughly the size of his cell in Li Garte but still within Origin, before N’s hand was on his throat again, squeezing hard.

“Rescue me?” N barked out a laugh. “What meaning does that tripe hold for me? With all that’s happened, with all I’ve done, why should it matter at all? I’ll drag you with me, deep into the void! To the depths of despair!” Spit flecked Noah’s face as N tightened his grip around his neck.

Noah gasped as the air burned in his lungs, before willing himself to focus. The task ahead was to be his most challenging, more than even facing Z would be, a battle of compassionate attrition, but he had all he needed to make his stand.

He opened the connection between them once more with an abrupt force of will. N yelled as the emotions flooded between them again-

-a vision of breathlessness, not from the violence of hands upon windpipes, but as Taion tore gasp after gasp out of Noah, his cock pounding deeper and deeper within him, punching their air from his lungs with the burning of a thousand ecstatic suns-

N let go of Noah as though he was burned by his touch. “You traitor!” he snarled. “Was my Mio not enough for you, you greedy wretch?!”

Noah rubbed his neck where N had squeezed and heaved in several lungsful of air. Without a reply, he stepped forward to N again.

N tried to shove him away, but Noah caught his wrists, holding them against his chest-

-Eunie’s breasts beneath his hands, soft and warm and her heartbeat pounding beneath her flesh, as she lifted her hips up and brought them down again, her walls pulsing against his cock, slick and hot, her moaning high and sweet-

“ENOUGH!” N roared, wrenching his hands free from Noah’s grasp.

“You remember, that day in Li Garte prison,” Noah said softly, “when you used me, left me there like a broken toy… I thought I’d never be able to forgive you. I thought you might as well have killed me then and there.”

He pressed another memory into N’s mind, pushing through N’s desperate attempts to keep him out-

-of Sena’s warm hand interlocked with his, his lips on the back of her neck in cooling kisses as she canted her hips, his cock pressing deep within her, while Mio’s fingers teased her nipples, her clit, their lips locked in passion, lines of grateful tears rolling down Sena’s cheeks, while half-finished bowls of soup went cold nearby, whispers of Mio and never let go and I love you tumbled from her lips as their pleasure crested and raced through their bodies-

“But when M saved us that day-”

“Don’t you dare speak her name!” N’s voice caught in his throat, and he confusedly wiped tears from his eyes.

“-she taught us the value of what we’d been given. The lives we could be free to choose, the love that might entail.”

N howled and threw himself at Noah, wanting nothing more than to snuff him out and make it stop, tears flowing freely down his chin. He punched at him, swinging wildly, and collapsed on top of Noah as he dodged-

-Lanz’s chest beneath him, heaving from exertion, the flow of the warm water of the showers rushing past them, the water masking his tears, as they held each other, mourning their loss, Joran, Crys, keeping each other afloat with every kiss, with every messy thrust, as their ether swirled and pulsed in waves of desire-

N choked on Noah’s tears, his own tears. “Please… why are you showing me this? Is your suffering supposed to make me feel grateful?”

Noah shook his head. “This isn’t suffering, N. This is something so much more than that.”

N winced as the rush of blue swept through him again-

-as Mio’s body pressed into his, sheets tangled at their feet, a slow rush of kisses and moans, as he thrust into her again and again, joy radiating from their bodies, adoration, love, he could feel it all building within him as he spilled inside of her once more, her mewls of ecstasy and breathless gasps as she shuddered and came-

Noah retreated from N’s mind. N was shaking on top of him, gripping the fabric of his shirt so hard it might tear, sobs wracking his body.

“I-I never deserved that life,” N choked out. “I burned those bridges, I chose my path and I deserved everything I made of it. All-” he hiccupped violently. “…all I wanted was time for us. Time with Mio. Forever.”

Noah reached up and stroked the back of N’s head. “I know… I know.”

N pushed himself up off Noah with trembling arms, retreating, sitting hunched beside him. He took several shaky breaths, and after a moment, he turned face him. “Why are you here?”

“To prove that you deserve better. That you can be better. To remind you what that love feels like one last time.”

“…they all love you like that? Like my Mio?”

Noah smiled. “She’s not your Mio, she’s just… Mio. You can’t keep a person like that, like some caged thing to adore. She’s so much more than that, all of us are. And yes, there’s no limit to our affections. Each one of us, in a different way, as a family.”

“Aren’t you scared? Won’t it all disappear if you fight Z?”

“I’m terrified,” Noah said.

N looked up at him in uncertainty. “Then why?”

“Because it’s all supposed to end one day. If it was forever, I’d never have felt the way I did, and neither would they. It’s fleeting and cruel and it’s gone too soon. But as much as this world could give us that time, the endless now, the cost is too high. The suffering that selfishness costs ruins us. When we remake the world, it’ll be for the sake of everyone, that they can choose their own path, that they can choose to be good and finite and free. Even if we lose the ones we love in the process.”

A flush burned across N’s cheeks. “I’m sorry, Noah.”

“It’s okay.”

“I… I wanted you to suffer the way I was suffering. I hurt you. I can’t…”

“I forgive you.”

N gasped out a cry of anguish.

Noah took his hand and rubbed his thumb across the back of it, just as the others had for him.

“You… don’t want revenge?” N asked hesitantly.

“Not at all.”

“But what I did to you-”

“It’s done. It doesn’t haunt me like you think it does anymore.”

“Then… can I ask one last favour?”

Noah looked into N’s eyes. “Of course.”

N swallowed hard, and he asked, “Can I experience that love one final time? Mio… I miss her so much.”

Noah smiled. “I’d be glad to share it with you.”

Gripping N’s hand, Noah opened the memories between them again, linking their minds and their senses-

-six strands of ether interlinking with each other, each colour pulsing as their bodies move together, sweat and slick painting their bodies, moans of ecstasy as they pull each other closer to pleasure, Eunie’s wings twitching, Taion’s brow furrowed, the ether lines on Lanz’s body pulsing and glowing, Sena’s hair burning vividly, Mio’s ears flicking as her back arches-

-a seventh strand of ether filled Noah’s mind as N’s soul allowed the memory in, basking in the sensations shared with him.

And so, as he did before, Noah leant over and kissed N.

His lips were soft and pliant, willing Noah to touch him, to teach him what he’d forgotten. Please, his mind whispered.

Noah squeezed N’s hand gently and cupped N’s chin, tilting him deeper into their kiss. He let the memories of experience guide him, colouring their embrace with the love he’d learned. N moaned as desire flowed between them.

As Noah’s tongue danced at N’s lips, he could feel it as though it was him receiving the affection, the link between them shimmering and phasing.

N’s wants flashed past his mind.

Noah shared his own.

Wordlessly, their hands slowly began to wander, fabric pulled aside, armour shed in trails of ether, fingers tugging at hair and bodies pressed close.

N allowed Noah to lower him onto his back, straddling his lap. N’s erection rubbed between Noah’s cheeks and Noah’s cock slid heavy along N’s stomach. A shared shiver of longing raced through their bodies.

“Lube,” Noah managed to gasp. “Jacket pocket.”

N chuckled. “You knew this would happen.” He rifled through Noah’s pockets anyway until he found a small sachet.

Noah shrugged. “We are the same person, after all. Gently, this time?”

“Yes.” N tore the packet open and coated his fingers and cock. He could feel the wetness on N’s erection like it was being applied to his own, twitching in sympathy. Noah spread his cheeks in anticipation.

N teased one finger at the entrance, and Noah, impatient and restless, pressed backwards into the touch, N’s finger sinking within him effortlessly. He wasn’t sure whether it was his or N’s moan that reverberated through him at the sensation, but it sparked intention into N’s movements instantly. The first finger, pumping in and out, joined by a second, then a third, stretching Noah open breath by shaking breath.

They were both quivering with anticipation when N finally withdrew his hand and pressed his cock inside of Noah, slowly, agonisingly restrained.

Noah’s body melted into the sensation of fullness. N’s cock, the same one that had left him bleeding and broken, now fit within him like it belonged there. They stayed still like that for a moment, sharing one heartbeat, one sense of pleasure.

Noah began to lift his hips and press back down.

They could feel everything simultaneously. The hot pressure of his hole against the shape of his cock, mirrored in each other. Every shudder, every wanton cry, searing through the other and matched in fervour. N and Noah, Noah and N, drawing out ecstasy after ecstasy, unified in mind and body. It was everything they’d ever experienced crashing in on itself and flooding their senses.

The first time they came, it burst through them like a tidal wave, Noah’s body was wracked with pleasure, N’s fingers gripped his hips and his back arched off the floor. Noah’s mouth fell open in a gasp as he spent himself across N’s abdomen.  

But they weren’t done, more yet unresolved within. N, still sheathed inside of him, gripped Noah’s back with one hand, and pushed himself up with the other, closing the distance between them. Noah grabbed N’s face and kissed him hard. N’s hips moved faster. Their breathing was ragged now, their bodies oversensitive. Their arousal began to peak a second time. Noah could feel it racing through his fingertips as N thrust into him over and over. He chased the sensation and stumbled over the edge with a breathy gasp, N spilling into him again, his seed beginning to seep out of his hole.

“More…” N whispered. “Once more…”

“Please…” Noah begged, relaxing backwards into N’s hands. He whined as N’s cock slid out of him, the mess within dripping onto the floor beneath them. N stumbled to his feet, pulling Noah up with him.

Noah shivered as the cold wall met his back as N pressed him there with a kiss. He wrapped his arms around N’s neck as he grinded against his thigh, desperate for friction and fullness again. He could feel the flood of arousal welling up within N, but there was no fear, no threat in the sensation, only surrender. The warmth of it bloomed hot in his chest, and he moaned softly into N’s ear. “Please… inside… need it…”

That was more than enough invitation for N, as he hooked Noah’s knees into the crooks of his arms and lined himself up at his hole once more, pressing his cock back in with a heady moan. Noah felt his body dissolving with the pleasure of it all.

When N began moving again, it was all Noah could do to hold on, to draw out the sensations for as long as he could. It was heat and tension and weightlessness all at once as N’s cock speared him through over and over and over again. Tears welled in his eyes with the joy of it all, saliva dripped from the corner of his mouth. He could feel the weight falling away from N’s soul, replaced with a lightness and freedom he surely hadn’t felt in aeons. As they moved together, the link between them solidified and burned in blissful, brilliant cyan.

Suddenly, he could feel a tension building within N, coiling and uncoiling, and with a shift, N thrust faster. A blinding jolt raced through Noah’s body, and he moaned loudly. “Aaah! There… please… N!”

“Yes… yes… oh sparks, Noah…” N buried his face into Noah’s neck, thrusting with all the energy he could muster.

Each thrust found the same place of pleasure, Noah’s body ablaze with ecstasy. His body shook with it, lightning racing through his limbs, his throat dry and his lungs empty. N was so close as well, he could feel it, his hips moving with a growing urgency.

In a hoarse whisper, he breathed into N’s ear. “Please, N… cum with me.”

A whimper and a moan echoed between them. Their bodies shuddered and they let the sensation destroy them, their ecstasy crashing down on them harder than they’d ever felt. Noah’s orgasm ripped through his senses, spasming, crying out in joy. He could almost see the sparks in his vision as he watched N’s body mirror his pleasure, tears wetting his eyes. Ether shimmered through their bodies as the last shudders of orgasm pulsed within.

They stayed connected, twitching through the aftershocks for an endless moment, before N slipped out of Noah and they slid to the floor.

N leaned his head against Noah’s shoulder. “Thank you… my regret, I… it’s not so heavy anymore.”

“Hope will do that,” Noah whispered. “Mio wanted for you to hope again. It’s what we were made for.”

“I-I want to see her one last time. To apologise.”

“You can take us back when you’re ready. They’ll be waiting for us.”  

N paused for a moment in thought, his fist tight. “I’ve held on for so long, it’s… I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to lose her again.”

“Just breathe and believe in us. Believe in who we are.”

N loosened his grip and nodded wordlessly.

Slowly, they got to their feet, gathering their clothes, dressing and cleaning themselves, and when N had taken a few more deep breaths, Noah reached out his hand.

N took it.

One blue iris, one red. The lights glowed in duet, dancing in the edges of indigo.

The grainy film flickered.

One path stood before him, the hill rising upwards towards a horizon unseen.

Without a second glance, N let go of Noah’s hand, let go of his regrets, and stepping through the screen, he walked into the future.

Noah opened his eyes with a start and fell to his knees. Several hands clasped his shoulders as his friends rushed to his side.

“Noah? You ok?”

“Where’s N?”

“What happened?”

“Is he dead, or what?”

Noah tapped his iris to show the mark of Ouroboros and Moebius combined, red linked to blue, and blue to red.

“Noah, does this mean…?” Taion asked.

Noah simply smiled and nodded, a cool blue warmth filling his heart and a blush colouring his cheeks. “For now, let’s do what we came for.”

Rising to his feet, Noah stepped forward once again, and his friends walked with him, towards the Kevesi Queen, towards the heart of Origin, towards Z’s theatre.

Towards the future.

Epilogue

Voices fill his mind, a conversation within a dream that feels real and false all at once.

We were conceived from regret, a familiar voice says.

“I’m sorry…” His own voice replies, speaking from a place of unbearable sadness he doesn’t understand.

Unlike you, who sprung forth from hope, regret is our be-all and end-all. If only we’d made the right choice. If only things had been different.

A second voice speaks, higher but just as sombre. Blindly, we never tried to change ourselves, wishing only that the world would instead. We clung to the egotistical dream of being together forever…

“But that’s only natural! Anyone would wish for that. It’s nothing to be ashamed of!” A woman’s voice from beside him. Why his heart sings at the sound of her, he doesn’t know.

Thank you. But now, our prolonged existence here, it only serves to strengthen those from within this frozen moment in time who would keep it thus.

So, you see, we have but one choice here.

He cries out to them. He screams their names, begs them to stop. N… M… He pleads for them not to go, bargaining, saying there must be another way. His chest aches at the loss so inevitable, tears stream across his cheeks, an integral piece of him being torn from his very soul.

Such kindness. Your eyes brim with it…

Our hearts and our dreams intertwined, and we were given the chance to weave new life. 

Believe in yourselves. All of you.

You can take our place… in the future.

Their voices fade, cries of anxious fear rushing past his face in streaks of violet and indigo light, and although Noah cries for them until his voice goes numb and reaches for them until his arm threatens to tear from his body, they are beyond his reach.

A howling shriek, not his own, but of the anxious light.

A blinding whiteness.

A blue horizon and warm sunlight on his face, and the softest and greenest of grass beneath his feet.

A new voice speaks from behind him. Are you content? With your decision? Why are you wavering, Noah?

“The answer is simple,” he responds in a moment of complete clarity.

Suddenly, the ground shifts beneath his feet, rolling backwards, receding like a great tide. He runs. She is in front of him, they all are in front of him, and once more the ones he seeks are beyond his grasp. Tears roll down his cheeks again.

And though his lungs burn and he chokes on the air it takes to say it, he cries out, a promise as the world falls away. “One day… I’ll come see you! I promise!”  

In the distance, he hears her call back. “Me too! One day… I promise!”

A clock ticks.

Noah’s eyes open from the haze of a dream, the same dream that has visited him nearly every night since he was young, every night for a decade. A beam of dawning sunlight dances across his eyelashes as he blinks the in light and sits up in his bed.

And somewhere, across the reaches of a Colony 9 in a remade world, carried by a hopeful breeze through his bedroom window, a flute plays a haunting tune that he hasn’t heard in a very, very long time.

His heart flutters in his chest.

It is on its own, but he knows deep within himself, that is it merely one melody in a sextet of hearts, drawn together by fate once more.

The clock ticks on.