Oops, wrong number

What happens when your drunk brother gives your number to the person you dislike the most, but you don't know that?
you keep texting them of course.
A texting fic where Regulus doesn't know that he's texting fucking Barty Crouch Jr, and ends up falling for the guy behind the screen with the help of their very chaotic and link friend group.

Notes:

This is a multiple POV, main couple is Bartylus <3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Unknown

Today 2:30 AM

Unknown: Is this the cute guy with the long hair and almost gray eyes?

Regulus: Uh… who is this?

Unknown: The guy you gave your number too?

Sirchu

Today 2:35 AM

Regulus: DID YOU FUCKING GIVE MY NUMBER TO SOMEONE?

Regulus: Sirius?!?!?

Regulus: Oh for fuck sakes.

Regulus: Princess Sirius

Sirchu: JHdjasHAS I dwid sORRY i jUST dNT..

Sirchu: want.. Uh anyehjde that no t RemdsUS you wont

Regulus: Hey.

Regulus: Hello

Regulus: do you know how to write english? Maybe we could text in Spanish?

Regulus: Oye eri estupido o que? Porque andai dando mi numero weon.

Sirchu: IM SORRY JAJAJAJA NOF IM NOT ITS JST HE SEEM FED UH. YOUR TYPE

Regulus: I hate you.

Unknown

Today 2:50 AM

Regulus: you got the wrong number, sorry.

Unknown: Fuck me, that’s why he was snickering with his bestfriend? Boyfriend. I’m so sorry

On seen 2:52 AM

Fabian = Shrek STAN

Today 10:00 AM

Regulus: I need you guys to give me a reason why I shouldn’t murder my lovely brother.

Fabilus 🦕: I think you should

Lily Loml <3: What did they do now?

Love, Evan: They probably gave reg number to a stranger lmfaoofosdfd

Regulus: ….

Lily Loml <3: NO FUCKING WAY

Fabilus: HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHA

Love, Evan: I-..

Love, Evan: Are they at least hot?

Regulus: I don’t know? I don’t make it a habit to talk to strangers Ev..

Lily Loml <3: Maybe that’s the love of your life and you lost your chance

Fabilus 🦕: EXCUSE ME? I’m the love of Regulus life, thank you very much… but I think you should murder them.

Love, Evan: MURDER!! BUT before we go that route, what was their explanation?

Regulus : * Insert Screenshot *

Lily Loml <3: I feel like their explanation was logic

Love, Evan: ?!?!!?!? DO YOU UNDERSTAND DRUNK ?!?!?

Lily Loml <3: We live with Fab and Reg….

Love, Evan: Valid lmfao

Fabilus 🦕: HELLO??????

Regulus: IM?????

Lily Loml <3: The amount of time you two idiots have drunk texted me and having to decipher your text like the davinci code 😀

Love, Evan: You have a point 😂 LMFAIFJHFA

Edgar Boner 🍆

Today 2:00 PM

Barty: I feel like shit 🙂

Edgar Boner 🍆: Holy shit, the anti-christ finally came to life.

Barty: 🙄 🙄 hahaha so funny

Edgar Boner 🍆: do you need me to bring you some fries?

Edgar Boner 🍆: greasy burger? crispy sprite?

Barty: I don’t know if that made me wanna throw up again or ache for it… yes.

Edgar Boner 🍆: Both? Okay cool, I’m out with the love of my life and we are about to go home!

Barty: Do you and Evan ever not hang out? Ever?

Edgar Boner 🍆: THE FUCK NO???

Edgar Boner 🍆: That’s the love of my life?

Edgar Boner 🍆: The reason I breathe? I sing? I love? I fuck? I go?

Barty: i don’t know why i ask

Barty: do you perhaps remember the person I gave my number to?

Barty: because I was texting someone but they said it was a wrong number..

Barty: did I get wattpad?

Edgar Boner 🍆: What the fuck is wattpad?

Barty: I don’t fucking know I hear Marlene and Mary talk about that in their room, and it felt fucking appropriate 😑

Edgar Boner 🍆: that’s funny, i’ma google it but no I don’t remember who it was but they were flirting with Remus so it make sense why they gave you the wrong number.

Edgar Boner 🍆: Idiot - Evan

Barty: 🖕 🖕

Edgar Boner 🍆: Wait you texted the wrong number?

Barty: yeah but it always was the wrong number

Edgar Boner 🍆: oh lmfao have they texted you since?

Barty: Why would they do that?

Barty: I am a stranger?

Edgar Boner 🍆: I don’t know what if they are hot, they seemed like they knew who’s number they were giving

Barty: Hm? I don't care.

2 gays and bi james

Today 4:35 PM

Jameson: REGUUUULUUUUUUUS

Sirchu: REGGIE REG REGUUUU rEGG

Regu: what.

Sirchu: ARE YOU STILL MAD AT ME?!?!?!

Regu: eat shit <3

Jameson: I think he’s still mad at you…

Sirchu: JAMES TELL HIM THAT THE GUY WAS HOT AND HIS TYPE

Jameson: he was hot and your type

Regu: you literally just repeated what they just told you???????????

Jameson: No?

Regu: You did…

Sirchu: no he didn’t hmph

Regu: 😐 😐 what the fuck, not you guys trying to gaslight me

Jameson: we are not pouring any light on your gay reggie-kins but he was hot and your type

Regu: I

Regu: DONT

Regu: talk

Regu: to

Regu: strangers <3

Sirchu: BORING

Jameson: BOOOO REGULUS

Regu: I’m so close to leaving this group chat…

Jameson: WAIT before you dramatically leave

Regu: I’m not dramatic

Sirchu: you are, worst than me <3

Regu: bruh

Jameson: does lily have the midnight vinyl or wasteland, baby?

Regu: … uh, yes?

Jameson: fuck

Sirchu: I told you she had them, I WAS JUST AT THEIR HOUSE????

Regu: OH YEAH, your anniversary is coming up.

Jameson: YES I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT TO GET HER… HELP MEEEEE

Regu: jesus.. *send a link for a candlelight orchestra hozier event*

Sirchu: romantic and single, so sADDDDD

Regu: you’re literally single yourself you idiot

Sirchu: fuck you <3

Regu: gross <3

Jameson: YOU SAVED MY LIFE

Reg: yeah yeah

Love, Evan

Today 9:00 PM

Regulus: I’m bored, when are you comiiiing homeeee 🥺

Today 9:15 PM

Regulus: wow I could be dying and you don’t answer

Love, Evan: I-...

Regulus: look who it is the cheater

Love, Evan: ☹️ what noooo?

Regulus: those 15 minutes you took to reply, i could have gotten murder..

Love, Evan: I couldnt answeeer i was bUSSSSY

Regulus: what’s more important than me?

Love, Evan: having sex with my boyfriend.

Regulus: I-..

Regulus: BLOCKED.

Love, Evan: DONT YOU DARE I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE

Regulus: sometimes in life, i don’t wanna know about you and edgar having sex… no matter how lonely i felt

Love, Evan: JFHJRDGKAGFD Sorry, but i’ll be home soon just eating mcdonalds with barty, marlene, mary, dorcas, pandora, remus and edgar

Regulus: ew, i dont know how you could hang out with barty

Love, Evan: oh come on reg dont be like that

Regulus: its just he’s a horrible person lmfao

Love, Evan: because you believe rumors that aren’t real

Regulus: whatever I dont wanna talk about crouch but hurry im bored :(

Regulus: Lily out with James and fabian went somewhere with frank

Love, Evan: ILL BE HOME SOON MY LOVEEE, if you’re so bored text that unknown number 🤷

Regulus: i'm not that desperate

Love, Evan: once again could be the loveee of your lifeeeee

Regulus: boo you whore

Love of my life <3

Today 9:45 PM

Edgar, my love: baby you have a scheming face 🤨

Love of my life <3: i'm just texting reg…

Edgar, my love: mhm? still have your scheming face on, it's hot.

Love of my life <3: hehe just pushing him to text that number hehe

Edgar, my love: oh? 😏

Love of my life <3: i have a good feeling about it idk why

Edgar, my love: oh ev, i love when you scheme

Love of my life<3: hehe i love you

After an hour of not doing anything, Regulus laid on his bed looking at his phone as he turned it around, he looked back to his last text to Evan and chewed the inside of his lip. What did he have to lose right? Texting a random number - a lot actually, he could get murdered, kidnapped or worse they could hack his phone and expose his embarrassing fancam of Harry Styles that he has created.

He sighed, and slowly scrolled past the group chats and people he has texted and let his thumb hover over the unknown number. “Oh fuck it” he mumbled, and pressed.

Unknown

Today 10:45 PM

Regulus: jfkzfdfkldf

Today 11:15 PM

Unknown: wtf?

Regulus: oh sorry that was an accident

Unknown: sure it was

Regulus: I-..

Regulus: IT WAS?

Unknown: mhm sure..

Regulus: it was.

Regulus: plus i don’t even know you.

Unknown: maybe you wanna live a wattpad moment

Regulus: I-... no?!?!

Unknown: i’m joking

Regulus: i wish i was laughing but you’re so unfunny

Unknown: ouch

Unknown: did you know you sound a bit mean

Regulus: thank you thats so nice of you 🥺

Unknown: you welcome, i love complimenting people for free

Regulus: send your venmo ill pay you

Unknown: you would pay me for compliments? I don’t know if that’s sad or funny

Regulus: OF COURSE I WOULD <3 Hello, I can’t just let you compliment me for free

Unknown: idk how but i sense sarcasm, you’re sorta funny

Regulus: I know

Unknown: so, why did you text me? Unless you were lying and you were that pretty boy at the bar

Regulus: unfortunately i was not that insufferable git <3

Unknown: you know them?

Regulus: unfortunately..

Unknown: do I know you? They were talking to one of my best mates.

Regulus: NO

Unknown: I-...

Regulus: you dont know me, i don’t know you

Unknown: I-... NOW I FEEL LIKE I DO????

Regulus: you do not, and no we will not exchanged names

Unknown: bold for you to assume I was gonna save your contact

Regulus: aw i already did as ass hole <3

Ass hole: you really could be nice

Regulus: I try

Ass hole: now i feel bad, ima save your number under little angry

Regulus: LITTLE ANGRY? I’ll have you know im tall

Ass hole: you give short energy

Little angry: wtf? I’m 5’7

Ass hole: SO TALL

Little angry: fuck you? How tall are you

Ass hole: 6’0

Little angry: bullshit!?!? You just said that because i said my height

Ass hole: and why would I lie?

Little angry: i dont fucking know? to irritate me..

Ass hole: holy shit, i should have, right? But no, I really am 6 feet, sorry :/

Little angry: this is so?!?

Ass hole: well it’s getting a bit late and i have work tomorrow

Ass hole: i’ll talk to you tomorrow little angry

Little angry: oh?

Little angry: uh.. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, ass hole.

Chapter 2 Summary:

introducing more characters.
chaos. ghosting. sister zoning and raging cousins.

Chapter Text

2 days later

Love, Evan

Today 2:30 PM

Regulus: So, when someones like hey i’ll talk to you tomorrow and they never text you the next day what does that mean?

Love, Evan: I’m that you got ghosted… DID YOU GET GHOSTED? By WHO?

Regulus: Oh nobody, it was just a question

Love, Evan: REG??????

Regulus: Okay I was bored and you were never coming home… i texted uh the dude and he said i’ll talk to you tomorrow and tomorrow came and well.. NOTHING

Love, Evan: HAHAHAHAHAHA fuck thats funny, you text him first

Regulus: No.

Love, Evan: why not?

Regulus: he literally said.. And I quote, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

Regulus: HE implied the talking tomorrow

Love, Evan: I-... you have a point..

Regulus: Of course I do!! I’m not reaching out first, plus it was one conversation.. I dont care

Love, Evan: well..

Regulus: shut up.

Dorlene (Platonically)

Today 2:45 PM

Blonde Marley : I think I accidentally friend zone Mary.

Blonde Marley: DORCAS SOS

Blonde Marley: SOS SOS SOS SOS

Dorothycass : WHAT WHAT IM HERE

Dorothycass: I WAS IN CLASS

Dorothycas: how the fuck do you friendzone someone? You are already friends with.

Blonde Marley: fuck off, but what do i do? Wtf

Dorthycass: okay first of all, how the fuck did you friendzone her?

Blonde Marley: I called her my sister in panic mode, when she was looking at me with those eyes and lips and hair.

Dorthycass: I genuinely don’t even know what that means… but NOT YOU SISTER ZONING HER.

Blonde Marley: I’m going to die.

Blonde Marley: I’ma drink my sorrow aways.

Blonde Marley: @ Remus Job.

Dorthycass: I’ll join <3 but what did she say

Blonde Marley : Nothing. Absolutely nothing. She looked at me and gave me this weird smile, what if I fucked up?

Dorthycass: Probably did love

Blonde Marley: Jeez thanks, if this was about pandy bear i would have been supportive

Dorthycass: since when the fuck do we call her pandy bear? 😐

Blonde Marley: since today.

Dorthycass: ew no

Blonde Marley: ugh ima go lay in the middle of the road in a non cool way

Dorthycass: well if it makes you feel better it was never cool.

On seen 2:59 PM

Dortycass: I WAS JOKING

The artist, the whore, the drunk and the nerd

Today 4:00 PM

Marls: I need drinks. Cigarettes. Bitches.

Ram Rem: what happened with mary?

Cass: LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Marls : I literally am going to lay in the middle of a highway.

The Barty Father: Please do not, your funeral will be expensive.

Marls: go fuck yourself

The Barty Father: physical impossible, but i’ll try just for you

Cass: gross. this is gross.

Ram Rem: but what happened, you only get in fuck boy mode when you did something.

Marls: WHAT THE FUCK?

The Barty Father: they have a point

Cass : LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Marls: literally you guys are the worst, i’ma just ask sirius for advice.

The Barty Father: Sirius?

Ram Rem: oh you are friends with her?

Marls: ohohoho, yes i am, well actually Mary friends with them but i am also now friends with them and yeah thats uh Regulus sibling, the one ig you have beef with.

The Barty Father: I literally do not, they just always glare at me.

Cass: we are moving FAR from the conversation point and that's on.. What did Marlene do wrong

Marls: god i hate you

Cass: bullshit

Marls: true

The Barty Father: oh yeah, what did you do?

Marls: I SISTER ZONE HER

Ram Rem: yikes

Cass: ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL.

The Barty Father: bruh you idiot

Marls : goodbye.

Bffs

Today 4:02 PM

Holy Mary: wtf

Bones: ????

Dora the explorer: WHAT WHAT?

Holy Mary: i’m still processing but i think marlene fucking sister zone me? like not even friendzone, i got full on sis zone

Bones : shit that’s crap

Dora the explorer: i-..

Dora the explorer: was it out of nowhere?

Holy Mary: YES DUDE, she called me fucking sis?

Dora the explorer: with no context?

Holy Mary: absolutely no context, i’m so fucking annoyed bc wtf

Bones: does she know you have a crush on her?

Holy Mary: What?

Holy Mary: absolutely not.

Bones : well…

Holy Mary: hey hey you do not get to judge me when you pinned over Evan for almost a year.

Bones: THE ATTACK???????

Dora the explorer: I could ask dorcas?

Holy Mary: the fuck no.

Dora the explorer: it will be a question, very discreet.

Holy Mary: no offense pandora but your form of discreteness is texting someone: “does insert name, like them?”

Dora the explorer: jeez tiger much

Bones: i agree with mary, when i was pining over evan… you literally texted regulus asking him if evan liked me.

Dora the explorer: YOU GUYS LITERALLY STARTED DATING THE NEXT DAY THANKS TO THAT.

Bones : I almost blocked him on everything.

Holy Mary: point proven.

Holy Mary: it’s okay, whatever we are just friends.

Holy Mary: oh wait no, we are sis.

Bones: LMFAO THATS SO FUNNY IM SO SORRY

Holy Mary: ha ha ha

Dora the explorer : feeling suck bro </3

Holy Mary: YOU’RE THE ONE TO TALK WHEN YOU FUCKING ARE HIDING THE FACT YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR DORCAS.

Dora the explorer: idk what ur talking about

Holy Mary: i DonT KnOW wHaT yOu’Re TalKINg AbOUt.

Bones: sksksksks rofl rofl lmfao lmfao lol lol 😆

Dora the explorer: mary i love you but you need to stop projecting ♥️

Holy Mary: I?!?!?!?!??! You LITERALLY like them Pandora?

Dora the explorer: lol no we are just friends.

Bones: more zoning…

Dora the explorer: i’m not tho? there no indication of us liking each other

Holy Mary: if oblivious was a meme

Bones: … i think there is one

Dora the explorer: soz im busy gtg <3

favs cousins 🐍

Today 5:30 PM

Srirachu: so does anyone here fancy accompanying me to a bar? just a normal bar? for no particular reason, it's just a normal bar, on a normal street, with a normal bartender.

Cissa: Sirius, that did not sound normal at all. Are you okay? Also what’s your pronouns today?

Srirachu: YOU’RE SO FUNNY CISSA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Srirachu: he /him <3

Satan 😈: I think he’s having a stroke.

Cissa: That’s not funny Regulus.

Cissa: anyways, why do you wanna go to a normal bar?

Satan 😈: A boy.

Srirachu: NO?

Srirachu: okay fine yes.

Cissa: Who?

Satan 😈: They’re friends with your ex-girlfriend brother.

Cissa: Nice I love that you think I know who, just by that solid description reg. 😀

Srirachu: the love of my life.

Srirachu: they just don’t know it yet.

Srirachu: spotify play love of my life by harry styles.

Cissa: WHO.

Satan 😈: I hope you know that the lyrics to that song say “baby you WERE the love of my life” i'm glad that you are already thinking about the break up in your non existent relationship.

Satan 😈: I think their name is Remus.

Srirachu: have i ever told you how sometimes i wish i could stab you? <3

Satan 😈: Yes.

Srirachu: good i hope you feel my long distance stab….

Satan 😈: I-.. long distance..

Cissa: Remus?

Cissa: Oh, I do remember them.

Cissa: me and alice have them in our woman lit class.

Bella: YOU GUYS ALWAYS FUCKING SPAM MY NOTIFICATIONS.

Bella: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.

Bella: FUCK.

* Bella left the group chat *

Srirachu: I’m-..

Satan 😈: damn the anger issues.

Cissa: Lol she just came into my room and flung a pillow, she was sleeping.

Andy : it took me 10 minutes to read through your texts 😀

Andy: jesus shes dramatic

Andy : also, i know remus lmfao

* Andy added Bella into the favs cousins 🐍 group cha t*

Andy: stop being so dramatic

Bella: shut up.

Bella: let me leave.

Bella: im begging.

Cissa: No <3

Srirachu: YOU KNOW REMUS?

Srirachu: HOW?

Srirachu: WHEN?

Srirachu: WHY?

Srirachu: HAVE YOU NOT INTRODUCE ME TO THEM.

Andy: because me and ted always go to the bar they work at

Andy: also we were classmates lmfafjksg

Andy: and also? because? I don't know?

Srirachu: ima just..

Srirachu: I thought you loved me.

Andy: you’re as dramatic as bellatrix istg

Cissa: lmfao dude, just talk to them?

Bella: he doesn’t have the balls, we all know sirius is a pussy

Satan 😈: AHAHAHA SIRIUS SLANDER.

Srirachu : and if i die now? what than? mhm?

Srirachu: ITS NOT THAT EASY, ive tried!

Srirachu: but they always look at me like i just bother them… this is at WORK? when they are supposed to be customer servicy.

Andy: probably shy lowkey

Bella: SHY? Please to be a bartender and get tips, you are supposed to have charisma bffr

Cissa: bella has a point

Cissa: maybe they’re not queer?

Andy: Remus is queer

Cissa: than the problem is sirius, sorry babes you are in your taylor swift era

Srirachu: I hope your girlfriend never has sex with you again.

Cissa: THE FUCK?

Satan 😈: hehe sirius: its me hi, im the problem its me.

Bella: jesus christ

Andy: or maybe they find you attractive, so it makes them feel awkward to uh talk to you?

Srirachu: i’m in my wits.. Istg 😀 but uhm.. So normal bar?

Satan 😈: Sure why not

Andy: I cant ☹️ studying with ted

Bella: i rather claw my eyes out than go see you flirt.

Bella: plus project

Cissa: sure, im telling alice

Srirachu: love you familia

Srirachu: you are the best

Fabian = Shrek STAN

Today

Regulus: hello bitches

Regulus: except Lily because she ain’t no bitch.

Regulus: but so tonight we are going to the bar, who’s down! <3

Lily Loml <3 : Oh?

Lily Loml <3 : is it the hogs head?

Regulus: yes

Lily Loml <3: cool I was already going to go because Sirius kept spamming our other group chat.

Regulus: EXCUSE ME? ANOTHER GROUP CHAT?

Fabilus🦕: you have other friends?

Fabilus 🦕: and yes, i’m bring frank tho.

Regulus: make sense alice is also going

Lily Loml <3: yes

Lily Loml <3: the fuck? Let me have other friends

Love, Evan: What did I just come back too?

Love, Evan: Lily cheating on all of us?

Lily Loml <3: we literally all live together.

Regulus: so?

Fabilus🦕: sO?

Love, Evan: SO?

Lily Loml <3: 😑 😑 😑

Lily Loml <3: im tired, goodbye

Love, Evan: HAHAHA NO COME BACK

Regulus: damn :/ we love the best ginger…

Fabilus 🦕: WTF?

Fabilus 🦕: THIS IS SLANDER

Fabilus 🦕: IM ALSO A GINGER??????????

Regulus: yeah but you arent lily…

Lily Loml <3: exactly you arent me fab 😊

Fabilus 🦕: i guess ima just go fuck myself.

Love, Evan: why? You literally have frank for that

Fabilus 🦕: IM???????????????

Fabilus 🦕: BYE.

Love, Evan: Bye <3

Love, Evan: i’m down also btw eheheheh

Regulus: this was dramatic

Regulus: ok cool

The couple + Barty

Today

Evan: Hello!

Evan: There are a couple of people going to the hogshead tonight.

Evan : down? down?

Edgar: baby, you know i go wherever you go 😉

Evan: HDSFAJKSDFGLSAD

Barty: this is gross

Barty: why am i here?

Barty: but idk im tired

Edgar: DON’T BE A LITTLE BITCH

Evan: YEAH!

Barty: ugh

Barty: peer pressure much

Evan: yeah tbh but come on BAAARTYYYY

Edgar: yeah socialize with your peers

Barty: i dont like my peers.

Barty: is your best friend going evan?

Evan: erm.. No..

Edgar: why? You asking?

Barty: because anytime we are in close proximity he looks at me like im about to commit a murder.. ON HIM.

Evan: hahaha yeah silly reg, so silly him

Barty: mhm

Barty: but whatever sure

Barty: tell the others edgar

Edgar: on it captain!

The mischief gang 😜

Today

Peter Pan: Does anyone know if xeno going tonight?

Jameson: erm no? Ask regulus or evan, he's friends with pandora.

Siri Poo : so idk how, but tonight? is turning into some college pub night because why did i just find out half our class is going?

Peter Pan: yeah thats why i asked LMFAOOOOOO

Jameson : I MEAN THATS GOOD THO PADS?

Siri Poo: I’m?!?!? HOW NOW REMUS IS GONNA BE BUSY

Jameson: I TOTALLY FORGOT THEY WORK THERE

Peter Pan: WHY ARE YOU WRITING IN CAPS?

Siri Poo : HOW DO YOU FORGET THAT JAMES?

Jameson: I DONT FUCKING KNOW BUT ALSO IM JOGGING AND IM TO LAZY TO TURN OFF CAPS

Peter Pan: I FEEL THREATENED BY THIS CAPS

Siri Poo: UGH THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CHILL

Jameson: PADDY PAD IT WILL BE OK

Siri Poo: ILL NEVER GET TO TALK TO THEM EVER

Siri Poo: AT LEAST LET US BECOME MUTUALS

Peter Pan: WE COULD ORDER DRINKS ALL NIGHT AND BE THE ONES THAT KEEP THEM BUSY

Jameson: DO YOU EVEN KNOW IF THEY WORK TONIGHT?

Siri Poo: OH SHIT.

M&M’S

Today

Sirius: MARLENE OR MARY DO YOU GUYS KNOW IF REMUS WORKS TODAY?

Mary : HELP?

Marlene: I’m-..?

Sirius: sorry i was in an intense caps attack with James, but are they?

Marlene: erm.. yes? I think so? Why?

Sirius: oh because they make a killer mojito

Sirius: also half the class is going btw

Marlene: I know LMAOOOOO Barty told us, and we are going

Sirius: istg

Sirius: I mean, COOOL<3

Sirius: you’re the best!

The mischief gang 😜

Today

Siri Poo: YES THEY DO WORK TODAY

Jameson: AWESOME!!!

M&M’s

Today

Mary: so fucking weird…

Marlene: I swear to god 😃

Mary: well see you tonight sis <3

The artist, the whore, the drunk and the nerd

Today

Marls: *send screenshot* i’m going to kms

Cass: LMFAOAAOAOAODSDBFKFAGFKJGKJFKJGKSJFGKLS

Cass: 🤣 🤣

Cass: she’s mad

Marls: NO SHIT.

Ram Rem: you guys are hanging out?

The Barty Father: no mate, we are going to your job lol

Ram Rem: the fuck?

Ram Rem : why?

Cass: how are you the only one that doesn’t know about this?

Cass: we literally talked about it earlier?

Ram Rem: oh i don’t know…

Ram Rem: maybe i was in class? Maybe?

Ram Rem: and you know you guys text a lot?

Ram Rem : i didnt feel like reading thru

Marls: the sarcasm

Marls: but also this isn’t about you remus

Marls : WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO?!?!

The Barty Father: take it back and confess your feelings?

Marls : lmfao no.

Cass: pussy

Ram Rem: ugh i actually have to work tonight.

The mischief gang 😜

Today

*Peter Pan added Sirius Little Brother*

Siri Poo: PETER? THIS IS A SECRET SOCIETY.

Jameson: NOT EVEN LILY KNOW ABOUT THIS.

Jameson: OK I LIED SHE DOES KNOW.

Sirius Little Brother: ?!?!?!?

Sirius Little Brother : why the fuck am I here

Peter Pan: I KNOW JUST ONE SECOND

Peter Pan: REGULUS DO YOU KNOW IF XENO IS GOING TONIGHT?

Sirius Little Brother : is the whole uni class coming or what the fuck?

Sirius Little Brother: also why are you all talking in caps?

Sirius Little Brother: it’s fucking weird.

Sirius Little Brother: and I don’t fucking know?

Siri Poo: THATS WHAT I SAID

Siri Poo: THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULDNT BE HERE, YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

Peter Pan: CAN YOU ASK PANDORA?

Sirius Little Brother: No?

Peter Pan: PLEASE ILL BUY YOU COFFEE FOR A WEEK

Sirus Little Brother: no?

Peter Pan: PLEASE.

Sirius Little Brother: jfc ok hold up

Pandora 🤍

Today

Reg : Love of my life

Pandora: Yes love?

Reg: I have a stupid question

Reg: I do wanna say, I’m not the one asking

Pandora: no question is stupid reg

Pandora: but now im intrigued

Reg: is uh xeno going?

Pandora: YOU LIKE HIM?

Reg: bruh

Reg: NO?!?!?!?!

Reg: ugh peter is asking

Pandora: That makes more sense

Pandora: he is love

Reg: THANK YOU <3

The mischief gang 😜

Today

Sirius Little Brother: He is

Peter Pan : OKAY COOL THANK YOU

*Peter Pan Removed Sirius Little Brother*

Siri Poo : LMFAOOO HE JUST TEXTED ME TO TELL YOU PETER THAT HE HOPES YOU CHOKE ON A DICK

Peter: LMFAOOOO

Jameson: LMAOOOOO

A few hours later

Ass hole

Midnight

Little angry: yoYIU Know?

Little angry: when pekfeople say they will texT OUUU

Little angry: thea next day, thye do

Little angry: ass hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 3 Summary:

bar. more chaos and two group chats.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

A few hours earlier

The couple + Barty

Today

Barty: Evan. 😑

Evan: hahaha yes…?

Barty: so, remember when I asked you earlier if your best friend was coming?

Evan: mhm no? 😌

Barty: ….

Evan: Whaaaaaat?

Barty: *send screenshot of earlier*

Evan: 😧 oh my god that me?

Barty: Evan…

Edgar: My boyfriend has never done anything wrong

Edgar: He's a good boy.

Evan: 😉 I am.. you see Barty?

Barty: EVAN.

Evan: I knew if I told you he was coming you would be like i DoNT WanT TO gO

Barty: Of course?!??!?! Do you not see the way he's looking at me?

Evan: THAT HIS FACE

Barty: No?! He doesn’t look at you like that or Edgar or ANYONE, except me.

Evan: ….

Love, Evan

Today

Love, Evan: Reg..

Regulus: What?

Love, Evan: Can you maybe possibly please stop giving barty the death stare…

Regulus: I’M NOT?

Love, Evan: Reg…

Regulus: I’m not.

Regulus: I bet he went and texted you like a little baby, waaa regulus is giving me an ugly stare waa.

Love, Evan: your dislike towards him makes no sense to me lol

Regulus: well.. I just do.

Love, Evan: okay fine, but can you please stop sending glares his way or else hes gonna want to leave and than edgar gonna leave and i’ma get pouty ☹️

Regulus: Fine.

Love, Evan: 🥰 🥰 thank you.

Dorlene (Platonically)

Today

Dorothycass: where the hell did you go?

Blonde Marley: to hide in shame

Dorothycass: … why?

Blonde Marley: she won’t stop calling me sis dorcas, i'm drowning.. Like play celine dion my heart will go on and call me the titanic.

Dorothycass: I wanna laugh so bad.

Dorothycass: but i can’t or else pands is gonna look at me like i lose my mind.

Blonde Marley: i’m happy that my misery gives you a kick to your night 🖕

Dorothycass: well do you need me to bring you vodka?

Blonde Marley: yes.

Blonde Marley: on the rocks.

Dorothycass: ON THE ROCKS.

Dorothycass: alrighty than we are going crazy today huh?

Blonde Marley: drastic drinks, equal drastic measures.

Dorothycass: that made no sense, but one vodka on THE ROCKS on the way.

Getaway car enthusiasts

Today

Franky: are you on the way?

Alice in wonderland: yeah, sorry me and cissa had..

Alice in wonderland: well we had sex

Alice in wonderland: very intense hot sex.

Alice in wonderland: just a lot of sex

Franky: mhm great love the fact we just have no boundaries anymore

Alice in wonderland: we never did

Alice in wonderland: you will understand when you see what she's wearing

Alice in wonderland: i’m just ONE person frank, ONE .

Franky: congratulations on having sex alice <3

Franky: but hurry please, im begging.

Franky: fabian is that drunk where hes trying to get people to karaoke

Alice in wonderland: story of us trauma?

Franky: story of us trauma.

Franky: i don’t wanna get glared at by lily and regulus again.

Alice in wonderland: well… that was so long ago.

Franky: FABIAN ALWAYS WANTS ME TO SING IT TO HIM.

Alice in wonderland: oh the ginger likes pain.

Franky: correction *emotional pain.

Alice in wonderland: maybe he had a public humiliation kink

Franky: ALICE YOU SAID IT WASNT HUMILIATING FOR HIM

Alice in wonderland: well.. You did sing a break up song in front of our friend group while you two were broken up..

Franky: just. hurry up.

Alice in wonderland: i love you

Franky: 🖕

Alice in wonderland: oh wow i hope he encores with all too well the 10 minute version

Young and beautiful

Today

Sirius: the day you and alice don’t have sex before going somewhere is the day i’ll be ugly.

Narcissa: too late

Sirius: ah i love you too

Narcissa: we are on the way

Narcissa: also shouldn’t you be busy idk what the young ppl say nowadays rizzing up remus?

Regulus: he’s to much of a pussy

Sirius: shut up and focus on your phone

Regulus: no <3

Narcissa: so you are being a pussy?

Sirius: I’M NOT BEING A PUSSY, it’s just i don’t know how this bar is so packed with everyone single person in our class

Regulus: well it started off with one person inviting one person and then the other person invited more and maybe perhaps people had prior plans? 😲

Sirius: hey regulus

Regulus: yes?

Regulus: DID YOU JUST THROW A CUBE OF ICE TOWARDS ME!?!?!?

Narcissa: oh jesus..

Sirius: HAHAHAHAHA YES

Regulus: fuck you.

Sirius: hey regulus

Regulus: STOP THAT

Narcissa: did I come out to have some fun or am I going to have to be a mother?

Regulus: the fuck?

Sirius: our mother hates us, so do you hate us?

Narcissa: 🙄 shut up

Regulus: btw you wanted Romulus' attention, you got it.

Sirius: romulus?

Regulus: the guy you like?

Sirius: REMUS?????

Regulus: oh yeah they’re looking at you with this face expression, 😒

Sirius: istg fml

Narcissa: EMBARRASSING

Sirius: i don’t know why i talk to you two

Regulus: we don’t know either..

Narcissa: family <3

my bisexual parents

Today

Sirius Black: mother, father

Lily Flower 🌼: please i am begging don’t call me mom

Prongs 🦌: baby that’s our child

Sirius Black: exactly lily pad

Lily Flower 🌼: no.

Lily Flower 🌼: What happened?

Sirius Black: you know me so well.. I might cry

Lily Flower 🌼: Actually no, I just know you only text us to complain about Remus

Sirius Black: SO MEAN?

Sirius Black: you are hanging out around my brother to much

Lily Flower 🌼: Roommate and best friend ❤️

Sirius Black: THE BETRAYAL IS REAL

Lily Flower 🌼: I have never agreed to an alliance, I am just dating James Potter.

Lily Flower 🌼: I’m kidding stop pouting, i could see that singular tear.

Prongs 🦌: HE'S ACTUALLY CRYING A BIT

Sirius Black: no shit lily just broke my heart

Sirius Black: but nevermind that

Prongs 🦌: WHAT HAPPENED????

Lily Flower 🌼: did remus not pay attention to you again?

Sirius Black: NO.

Sirius Black: THEY DID BUT…

Prongs 🦌: THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME

Lily Flower 🌼: Love, stop bouncing your leg… you’re making the table move and reg looks close to killing you if you spill his drink

Lily Flower 🌼: also i’ll never understand why we text when we are all sitting together…

Sirius Black: because they can’t know i'm here for them?

Prongs 🦌: WE HAVE LOST THE POINT BRING IT BACK

Prongs 🦌: WHAT HAPPENED??!?!?!

Sirius Black: OH

Sirius Black: they saw me throwing that ice to reg

Sirius Black: and according to reg they gave me the 😒 face

Prongs 🦌: OH HAHAHA WELL

Prongs 🦌: IT MAKE SENSE YOURE MAKING A MESS

Prongs 🦌: THEY HAVE TO CLEAN IT

Lily Flower 🌼: … right yeah they probably did find that annoying

Sirius Black: oh my god

Sirius Black: i’m going to die

Sirius Black: take me out my misery

Lily Flower 🌼: okay

Lily Flower 🌼: die

Sirius Black: I'M LEAVING THIS CONVERSATION

*Sirius Black Left my bisexual parents*

Lily Flower 🌼: I’m not adding him back.

Prongs 🦌: BUT LILY BABY HES POUTING ☹️

Lily Flower 🌼: Nope.

Prongs 🦌: fine, whatever you say my queen.

Lily Flower 🌼: 👼

he artist, the whore, the drunk and the nerd

Today

Ram Rem: Where are you guys ¿?

The Barty Father: I’m sitting in the corner with Edgar, waving at you

Ram Rem: No yeah I obviously see you, where are marlene and dorcas?

The Barty Father: oh yeah? I saw them disappear like an hour ago…

Ram Rem: the fuck, pandora and mary are still here…

The Barty Father: I’ll ask Mary or Pandora to text them, they will probably answer than

Ram Rem: k

Bffs

Today

Bones: hola, barty was to lazy to walk over to you two

Dora the explorer: mhm?

Holy Mary: wassup?

Bones: he told me to ask you two to text marlene or dorcas

Holy Mary: oh you mean my sis? 😅

Dora the explorer: MARY LMFAOOOO but yeah i got you

Bones: thank you

he artist, the whore, the drunk and the nerd

Today

The Barty Father: Edgar told them

Ram Rem: cool tys

Ram Rem: your drinks are ready btw

Ram Rem: oh nvm

Ram Rem: sirius brother got them

The Barty Father: JESUS CHRIST THAT ASS HOLE

Ram Rem: …. you still have to pay them

The Barty Father: 😑

Gold Dust Woman

Today

Pandora 🔮: lovelyyyyyyyyy, where are you?

On Seen

Pandora 🔮: I-..

Pandora 🔮: hello?

Dorks 🤪: oh sorry, i'm with marls

Dorks 🤪: wassup?

Pandora 🔮: i know but where?

Dorks 🤪: bathroom, vodka lol

Pandora 🔮: oh okay why?

Dorks 🤪: no uh reason just wallowing lolol

Pandora 🔮: oh uh okay

Dorks 🤪: yeah we will be out soon

Bffs

today

Dora the explorer: they are in the bathroom.

Holy Mary: you ok?

Dora the explorer: yeah lol

Bones: erm okay…

book buddies 📚

today

Barty Crouch Jr: hey, they’re in the bathroom drinking vodka

Remus J. Lupin: what the fuck?

Remus J. Lupin: they took a bottle.

Remus J. Lupin: fucking dorcas

Barty Crouch Jr: lmfaoooo how did you not notice

Remus J. Lupin: do you not see how pack this bar is? That ginger been trying to convinced me to start karaoke

Barty Crouch Jr: Fabian?

Remus J. Lupin: I guess?

las cuatro amigas

Today

La Virgin Mary: you’re bullshitting you aren't ok

Como La Lily: ?!?!?!

Pancito: nothing its nothing

Como La Lily: context?

La Virgin Mary: pandora got sour and quiet and i don’t know why

Como La Lily: pandora what’s wrong?

Alicia: wow wow notifications, narcissa side eyed me

Alicia: what happened?

Pancito: nothing wrong

Pancito: just

Pancito: has anyone notice anything weird with dorcas?

La Virgin Mary: no? is it because marlene and them are in the bathroom?

Como La Lily: MARLENE AND DORCAS?

Como La Lily: wait thats not weird lmfao they’re are best friends.

Alicia: they’ve been mia?

Pancito: no it’s just dorcas attitude was so dry.. They are never dry with me

La Virgin Mary: what do you mean?

Alicia: babes why dont you tell them you like them?

Pancito: *send screenshot of conversation*

Pancito: LMFAOOOOOOO no

Pancito: they do not like me back

Como La Lily: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Alicia: LMFAOO SO FUNNY

Pancito: ….

Como La Lily: you're not joking…

La Virgin Mary: I fear they are not…

Como La Lily: PANDORA…. COME ON…

Pancito: they do not.

Alicia: i swear to god…

Flower Power

Today

Alice: they’re going to drive me insane

Lily: running circles dude 😃

Alice: mary isn’t any better…

Lily: nope.

las cuatro amigas

Today

Como La Lily: you two are so down bad

Mary Lamb: what the hell!?!?!?!?

Alicia: I agree

Pancito: Mary got sis zone

Mary Lamb: I did so… i’m not down bad for nobody

Alicia: NO WAY

Como La Lily: bruh..

Mary Lamb: yup

Flower Power

Today

Alice: marlene is such an idiot for that

Lily: she is, but honestly can we blame her? Its mary..

Alice: yeah i always forget you guys dated in high school.

Lily: we worked better as friends, but I understand Marlene..

Alice: mhm, both are so down bad..

The couple + Barty

Today

Barty: Evan.

Evan: what did he do now…

Barty: he owes me $80

Edgar: HAHAHAHAH REGULUS LMFAOO TOOK HIS DRINKS IT WAS SO FUNNY.

Barty: ha ha ha

Evan: oh my god, im so sorry

Barty: mhm

Fabian = Shrek STAN

Today

Love, Evan: can someone here tell regulus to stop bullying barty pls

Regulus: 😑 😑

Fabilus 🦕: whsd? Its funny!!ejfnds uh karaoke gustya?! Lily askf Keremus?

Lily Loml <3: Regulus stop ruining Evan relationship

Regulus: HELLOS?!?!

Love, Evan: ew lily?!?!?!?

Lily Loml <3: Jesus not with Barty, by being mean to evan boyfriend best friend it will put a strain, do you want evan to pull a Bella Swan?

Regulus: … nwod?!

Love, Evan: NWOD? Oh hes drunk, maybe with the $80 worth of drinks he took from Barty

Fabilus 🦕: I DRANEK AOMW OF IT

Love, Evan: 😃

Love, Evan: ima be single

Regulus: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lily Loml <3: no? To bullying or to evan?

Regulus: uh?

Regulus: NO!

Fabilus 🦕: KA.RA.OK.E

Regulus: KA.RA.OK.E

Lily Loml: oh my god okay, sorry ev he's too gone..

Love, Evan: it’s okay i’ll use his venmo account to pay barty back lmfao

Lily Loml<3: Valid.

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin

Today

Sirius added Regulus, Evan, Narcissa, Edgar, James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Fabian, Frank, Alice, Pandora, Dorcas, Peter, Xeno, Barty to Mission Speaking To Remus Lupin

Sirius: uh hwelrloo.

Sirius: sorry lol HELLO

*Evan removed Barty from Mission Speaking To Remus Lupin*

Sirius: WHAT THE FUCK?

Regulus favorite people (sometimes)

Today

Evan: barty and regulus don’t get along

Fabian: BARTBH?! WHO? Oh

Lily: that was so quick

Sirius: ?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!

Evan: i-..

Evan: Regulus does not like BARTY

James: Party.

Narcissa: 😀

Evan: I TEXTED HERE FOR SIRIUS WHY ARE YOU ALL TEXTING?!?

Fabian: GROUPCAHAT!

Pandora: cat?

Evan: Sirius sos sos if you want barty there make one without reg also ok cool.

Sirius: klokkdoas ok?!

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin 2.0

Today

Sirius added Regulus, Evan, Narcissa, Edgar, James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Fabian, Frank, Alice, Pandora, Dorcas, Peter, Xeno, Barty to Mission Speaking To Remus Lupin

Evan: I swear to god

*Edgar removed Regulus from Mission speaking to Remus Lupin 2.0*

Sirius: THSDF IS GO HARD WTF

Barty: ?????

Edgar: shhh..

Sirius: IMA GO IT!!!!!!

Barty: who is that and why did i get added tp this groupcaht.

Evan: Sirius…

Barty: how the fuck?

Barty: wait nevermind

Marlene: why are ewe two??!

Xeno: wait wait, there a few numbers idk?

Xeno: name pls

Peter: Peter

Xeno: I have your number pete lmfao

Peter: oh lmfao hahahaha

The mischief gang 😜

Today

Peter Pan: HE HAS MY NUMBER SAVE LOL

Jameson: … YOU LITERALLY ARE IN THE SAME CLASS

Siri Poo: ?!?!??!! REMUS?!?!?!?!?

Peter Pan: No.

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin 2.0

Today

Narcissa: this is so?

Alice: that’s narcissa xeno lol also its Alice <3

Pandora: you have my number, but to others.. Pandora

James: I am James.

Lily: babe… they know, Lily <3 but i actually have everyone's number here so.. Hello?

Dorcas: Dorcas.

Marlene: Marlene, ok :)

Mary: hi im mary

Peter: Mary magdalene

Mary: Who is that?

Fabian: uh hi

Fabian: I AM FABIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Frank: he is fabian, and i am frank!

Edgar: yo yo yo im edgar but also… i also know everyone? Thanks to my beautiful boyfriend evan rosier, you know him.

Evan: ….

Evan: sahfsdgjksfgakf

Evan: i love you

Edgar: I love you <3

Barty: gross

Barty: Barty.

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin

Today

Regulus: hola?

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin 2.0

Today

Sirius: hello?

Evan: wrong one babes

Barty: ??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

Edgar: BARTY DIRNKS!

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin

Today

Marlene: THERE AN9OTHER ONME?!?

Xeno: 🧍

James: uh.. OH I GET IT NOW

Lily: …. Hello reg

Mary: reg? Like regulus?

Regulus: YES?

Fabian: no no love of my glife<3

Mary: arent youydating frank?

Frank: yes 🙂

Marlene: platonic maaaaaryyyy

Mary: oh yeah sis you right sis

Xeno: are you gush related?

Dorcas: LMFAO ROFL LMFAO

Pandora: lmfao

Dorcas: lol

Regulus: IDK WH THE FUCK A LOT OF THIS NUMBER ARE?!?!

Regulus: ASS HOLE?

Peter: I DIDNT MEAN TO KICK YOU OUT

Regulus: …HUH?!?!?!?!?

Sirius: HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sirius: I AM GOINAA TO DO IT

Sirius: I was TO LAY TO KEEP DOING UH…

Sirius: separate uh groupchatts

Marlene: do what!?

Sirius: TALK TO REMUS

Sirius: cute bartender

Sirius: Y TIME IS HERE

Mary: THIS GC FOR REMUS?~?!?!

Pandora: LOLOL HELP

James: SIRIUS!

Sirius: WHat?!?!?

James: nothing i’m cheering you oN!!

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin 2.0

Today

Barty: so, why are we in this huge group chat? with people most of us never spoken with?

Mary: Remus

Barty: Remus?

Barty: They aren’t even here.

Marlene: we should add them lmfao lmfao lmfao

Sirius: NO?!?!?!??!!?!?

Barty: .. why?

Edgar: Dude? Do you NOT read the group chat names lmfaofshdjgks

Barty: No?

Dorcas: hahahahaha sirius obviously wants to talk about remus in peace

Sirius: THANK YOU

Barty: Oh

Evan: they’re about to do that hehe

Sirius: MHMMM I AM HEHEHE

James: Sirius!

Sirius: WHAT?!?!?

James: NOTHING I'M CHEERING YOU ON!

Peter: 🎉 🎉 🎉

Xeno: I’m getting such a weird case of dejavu

Xeno: i dont know if i'm drunk or high…

Pandora: both babes

Alice: both babes

Pandora: Jinks?!

Alice: NO!

Pretty People

Today

Mary: Ev?

Evan: yeah?

Mary: why do we have two group chats again?

Evan: oh because barty and regulus dont like each other.

Mary: that’s so funny because im positive freshman year of uni, Barty had a crush on him.

Evan: WHAT?

Mary: nothing, muah lovely.

Evan: MARY COME BACK

Love of my life <3

Today

Love of my life <3: I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE YOU WENT BUT

Love of my life <3: DID BARTY HAVE A CRUSH ON REG FRESHMAN YEAR?

Edgar, my love: uh…

Love of my life <3: EDGAR?

Edgar, my love: I plead the fifth?

Love of my life <3: oh okay

Love of my life <3: hope you enjoy celibacy

Love of my life <3: no head for a week

Edgar, my love: BABY!?!?!?!?!?!?

*on seen*

Edgar, my love: EVAN!?!?

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin

Today

Regulus: HAHASHAHAHSAHSAHDBASDHFBASHDGJSFKDGASDF

Fabian: hAGASJASJKFHJSDGJLFGSDFHSJKDFJKSDF

Narcissa: What. Is. going. On.

Alice: mi amore, i think

Alice: OH HE IS!

Mary: He's doing it?!?!

Regulus: YES BUT SIRIUS FLIRTING SKILLS ARE LIKE A FISH’

Lily: do you flirt with a fish regularly, reg?

Regulus: I-.?!?!?!?!?!

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin 2.0

Today

Barty: Oh, they are actually doing it.

Evan: I swear to god soulmates.

Mary: jijijijijiji…

Barty: Whaat?

Evan: Nothing

Barty: Remus flirting skills are good.. We are about to witness art.

James: SHOULD I PULL OUT MY CAMERA?!?!?

Lily: JAMES NO.

Current Time

Ass hole

Today

Little angry: yoYIU Know?

Little angry: when pekfeople say they will texT OUUU

Little angry: thea next day, thye do

Little angry: ass hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ass hole: hello to you too

Little angry: HELLO? LMFAO

Little angry: ok fuck you.

Ass hole: mhm?

Ass hole: maybe if we ever meet.

Little angry: i-..

Little angry: gosd youre pissingme poff

Little angry: fuck you - some unknown ginger man

Ass hole: i’ma guess by your texting you’re drunk…

Ass hole: also?

Ass hole: are you friends with ed sheeran?

Little angry: NO!

Little angry: youre a lair

Little angry: YOURE LIKE APAPAP!

Ass hole: I-...

Ass hole: what in the stranger things..

Ass hole: I’m sorry?

Little angry: NO.

Little angry: you don not say ilm text yohr tomorrow.. Than u ndont.

Little angry: idc ur a stranger.

Ass hole: you seemed liek you do..

Little angry: no fuck you.

Ass hole: okay..

Ass hole: I’m sorry

Little angry: NO

Little angry: i’ma ghost you idc

Ass hole: I think the point of ghosting is not telling me..

Little angry: too bad.

Little angry: I’m ghosting you.

Ass hole: ouch my abandonment issues are gonna act up

Little angry: WWLELL MINES DID TOO SO FUCK OFF

Ass hole: do you want me too?

Little angry: UGH!

Ass hole: 🥺 i am sorry…

Ass hole: busy times

Ass hole: i was embarrassed

Little angry: im ghosting 👻

Ass hole: help me 😀

Ass hole: how can i make it up to you mhm?

Ass hole: tell me pretty boy.

Little angry: bold for you to assume i am gbiyhdbfa uh dboy!!

Ass hole: okay fine pretty girl

Little angry: alsi i codjjld ugly so what than

Little angry: I AM ABOY

Ass hole: idk something tells me yu arent.

Pretty boy: mhm..

Pretty boy: im not sending you a selfie

Ass hole: that’s fine, but how can i make it up to you mhm?

Pretty boy: friends?!

Ass hole: i-..

Ass hole: sure?!

Ass hole: why?

Pretty boy: idk you seem funny.

Ass hole: thank you?!?!?!?!?

Pretty boy: you welcome.

Unknown Number

Today

Unknown: hey its remus

Notes:

there is a lot of chaos and a lot of group chats, but that's because i wanna emphasize that there really is different stories for most of the characters.
comment what you think :)

Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Summary:

just more aftermath chaos. wolfstar progression. two group chats seperating barty and regulus and bartylus being oblivious.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin 2.0

Morning

Sirius, Evan, Narcissa, Edgar, James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Fabian, Frank, Alice, Pandora, Dorcas, Peter, Xeno, Barty

Sirius: WHAT DO I DO?!

Sirius: *sends a screenshot*

Mary: you flirt with them?

Sirius: I did enough of flirting last night

Barty: … why am I here?

Edgar: we already went through this yesterday.

James: ngjhfksd. Jnko

Sirius: ???

Lily: just woke up, he said to tell you to stop being a pussy and text them back

Fabian: REGULUS?

Fabian: uh, wrong gc

Fabian: goodbye

Frank: 🤦

Edgar Boner 🍆

Today

Barty: Regulus?

Edgar Boner 🍆: Why did I know you would text me

Barty: not that I care because I don’t but why isn’t he in the groupchat?

Edgar Boner 🍆: I don’t know? So you don’t leave?

Barty: I wouldn't have left.

Barty: I’m not a child Edgar.

Edgar Boner 🍆: Liar.

Barty: …

Barty: fuck you.

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin

Today

Sirius, Regulus, Evan, Narcissa, Edgar, James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Fabian, Frank, Alice, Pandora, Dorcas, Peter, Xeno,

Fabian: REGULUS

Evan: …

Regulus: yes?

Xeno: this is so confusing..

Pandora: shush

Sirius: Oh great you’re awake, what should I FUCKING DO?!?!?

Sirius: *sends screenshot*

Regulus: die

Regulus: haha jk, of embarrassment

Sirius: I hate you.

Marlene: dejavu

Dorcas: Marls..

Marlene: OH RIGHT LMFAO

Sirius: SOMEONE FUCKING HELP ME

Regulus: dude? Reply back? You’re leaving them dry

Sirius: you’re right

Sirius: okay i'm going to be like hi its sirius brb

Lily: Reg, was he dropped as a baby?

Narcissa: goodmorning

Narcissa: yes

Alice: BABE LOL

Unknown Number

Today

Sirius: hi it’s Sirius

Remus: oh hello, well good morning. How are you?

Sirius: I’m okay, just tired and hungry, you?

Remus: about the same, oh we were about to head out for lunch. Wanna come?

Sirius: ioeW

Remus: uh?

Sirius: Sorry!

Sirius: Sure!

Sirius: Can I invite friends?

Remus: oh of course, everyone from the bar?

2 gays and bi james

Today

Sirchu: SOS SOS

Sirchu: EMERGENCY

Sirchu: MY FAMILIA!!!!!!!!!!

Jameson: HELLO WHAT HAPPENED

Regu: Sorry Regulus, can’t come to the phone. His line has been disconnected.

Sirchu: I can’t stand you.

Sirchu: frfr

Regu: oh yeah? What you gonna do

Regu: DISOWNED ME?

Regu: TO LATE MOM AND DAD BEAT YOU TO IT.

Jameson: ….

Jameson: Regulus choosing violence so early.

Sirchu: damn

Sirchu: did you make your med bro?

Regu: fuck you

Regu: what do you want.

Sirchu: OH YEAH, REMUS INVITED ME TO LUNCH

Sirchu: then I asked for my friends to come.

Regu: your an idiot

Sirchu: WTF WHY?

Regu: what if it was a date?

Jameson: lily said, you need to real social cues better

Sirchu: how the fuck am i supposed to do that? Through? Text? And also he said we are, so implying more people.

Sirchu: so pretty please come come

Regu: is crouch going?

Sirchu: idfk?

Regu: ask.

Remus

Today

Sirius: yes, well not all of them.

Sirius: who are you going with?

Remus: oh cool

Remus: marlene, dorcas, barty, edgar, evan, mary and pandora.

Sirius: cool cool

2 gays and bi james

Today

Sirchu: barty is going

Regu: im good tys xoxo

Sirchu: REEGULUSSS COME ON, EVAN IS GOING.

Regu: so?

Sirchu: you love evan!

Jameson: yeah evan is like a me, for sirius but for you 🙂

Remus

Today

Remus: okay see you there ☺️

2 gays and bi james

Today

Regu: whatever fine.

Jameson: why can’t you stand barty?

Regu: nonya <3

Sirchu: LOOOVE YOUUUU, INVITEEE THE GANG.

Regu: 🙄

Jameson: so. Rude.

book buddies 📚

today

Remus J. Lupin: Just a heads up.

Remus J. Lupin: Sirius brother is going.

Barty Crouch Jr: Great, there goes my appetizing food.

Remus J Lupin: Sorry!

The mischief gang 😜

Today

Siri Poo: PETER LOMLLLL <3333

Peter Pan: SIRIUS LOML <33

Jameson: HEY!

Siri Poo: Don’t be jealous!?

Peter Pan: YEAH, SHARING IS CARING

Jameson: sharing is shit.

Jameson: but I GUESS

Siri Poo: you’re both my babies <3

Siri Poo: but on a sirius note!

Jameson: Sirius.

Peter Pan: Sirius.

Siri Poo: HAHAHAHAH SORRY

Siri Poo: Lunch today peter pets.

Peter Pan: LUNCH WOOT WOOT

Siri Poo: with everyone from the bar apparently

Peter Pan: even xeno?

Siri Poo: Maybe…?

Peter Pan: ASK?

Siri Poo: you and regulus istg.

Dorlene (Platonically)

Today

Blonde Marley: Do you think this is a good idea?

Dorothycass: After last night and that vodka with the rocks.

Dorothycass: I think it’s a great idea.

Blonde Marley: if this backfires, i’m breaking your favorite beyonce vinyl.

Dorothycass: the fuck?

Love, Evan

Today

Regulus: you better be going or i’m going to commit a felony.

Love, Evan: I-.. ?

Love, Evan: WHAT

Regulus: that’s my warning enough.

Regulus: be there or be square.

Love, Evan: BE WHERE?!

Love, Evan: REGULUS?!?!?

Love, Evan: BITCH I KNOW YOU’RE ALWAYS ON YOUR PHONE, ANSWER ME?!

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin 2.0

Today

Sirius, Evan, Narcissa, Edgar, James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Fabian, Frank, Alice, Pandora, Dorcas, Peter, Xeno, Barty

Sirius: uh..

Mary: here we go again..

Barty: why.

Barty: why is this gc still a thing.

Sirius: the fuck

Sirius: fuck yall

Sirius: jk be my friend 🙂

Sirius: xeno?

Xeno: Yeah?

Sirius: wanna come to the lunch? today?

Xeno: Oh! Sure ✌️

Sirius: COOL!

Peter: that’s so cool

Edgar: this is feeling a bar night part 2…

The mischief gang 😜

Today

Siri Poo: that’s so cool…

Peter Pan: I know..

Peter Pan: just.. No.

Pretty Boy

Today

Ass hole: hello pretty boy

Pretty boy: still bold of you to assume i’m pretty 🤨

Ass hole: your vibe screams pretty boy

Ass hole: hangover?

Pretty boy: psst no?

Ass hole: 🤨

Pretty boy: okay a bit

Pretty boy: but im going to a lunch with my lovely sibling and all our friends.

Pretty boy: and my enemy and her crush, and their friends…

Ass hole: I-..?

Ass hole: your ENEMY?!

Pretty boy: long story short, it’s just this guy and i cannot stand him and i-.. He sucks.

Ass hole: wow very good reasons, he sounds like a git.

Pretty boy: 😊 exactly ass hole.

Ass hole: ASS HOLE?

Pretty boy: that’s your contact name lmfaofskfmsa;

Pretty boy: can’t escape him.

Pretty boy: his bestfriend is my cousins bf and also my sibling.. Crush friend?

Ass hole: shit that sounds like an uncomfortable situation..

Ass hole: you’ll have to tell me why you dislike your enemy

Pretty boy: oh i will

Pretty boy: we might be texting for hours

Pretty boy: i dont know if you will be up for that..

Ass hole: i will

Ass hole: no more ghosting

Ass hole: ✋ scout honor

Pretty boy: oh ffs

Ass hole: ????

It was like the world had a personal vendetta towards Regulus Black today, as if the pounding headache and the lingering nausea werent enough and the mocking sun rays hitting him squarely to his face - even after the multiple attempts to find shade, it couldn’t get worst than him being the first person here and now also Barty fucking Crouch Jr being the second one.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.” Regulus mumbled beneath his breath.

He tried to look anywhere towards Barty, but he couldn’t help the smug smile that appeared in the corner of his lips when he saw how miserable Barty also looked and almost mimicked his sentiments at also being the only ones here.

Good be, miserable ass hole , Regulus thought smugly.

He crossed his arms and watched Barty walk closer to where he was standing, he watched as Barty tried to mask his displeasure. Regulus raises an eyebrow.

“Black.”

“Crouch.”

Sweet and short. Every interaction between them, Regulus really was going to kill Sirius for crushing on Barty fucking Crouch Jr roommate and friend.

“You owe me about 100 dollars worth of drinks, Black.” Barty coldly said.

Regulus pursed his lips and pretended to think. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. '' He knew exactly what Barty was talking about. “Why would I let you buy me drinks?”

Barty clenched his jaw. “Oh right, so you don’t remember watching me order drinks and you casually taking them every time Remus prepared them? Right.”

“You’re delusional, this little feud you are imagining must be fucking with your head because I would never.” Regulus said, smiling sweetly and stepping a bit away from, and looking back down at his phone.

Ass Hole

Today

Pretty Boy: nothing, just had an interaction with the git.

Ass Hole: what happened?

Pretty boy: nothing really, he now just keeps glaring at me after our interaction.

Pretty boy: oh thank god my best friend is here with his boyfriend.

Ass hole: I am praying for you.

Ass hole: want me to text you later?

Pretty boy: sure <3

Ass hole: have fun pretty boy 😀

The Bra to my Cup

Today

Pandora: Did you know?

Mary: I had no fucking idea.

Mary: it all make sense now lol

Pandora: Mmh.

Notes:

Comment what you think.
I am not in any shape or form abandoning this texting fic, I've also up the chapter to twenty because by the development we are only like a few days in. Writing texting fic, are actually a pain in the ass lmfao because of the group chat names BUT I will try to update more frequently or give myself a schedule. Also, I might add one shots for moments during the text fic so let me know if there a particular scene you would like to see :)
Okay thank you.
For Updates follow me on tumblr: crimsonlovebartylus

Chapter 5: Chapter 5

Summary:

Dorlene being well Dorlene. Mary and Pandora Jealous. Barty and Regulus fighting like always and Sirius figuring out Remus dick size.

End Notes!

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

A few hours later

Dorlene (Platonically)

Today

Blonde Marley: did it look believable?

Dorothycass: It did!! but also rem and barty are looking at us

weird… they do not believe us for shit.

Blonde Marley : I’m not even surprised

Blonde Marley: WE FUCKING FAILED

Dorothycass : ok chill florence pugh

Blonde Marley : what even? that didn’t even make sense cass..

Dorothycass: okay and?????????

Dorothycass: we have greater thing to worry about marlene

Dorothycass: okay stop blinking at me

Dorothycass: ALSO STOP MAKING IT OBVIOUS WE ARE TEXTING YOU IDIOT.

Blonde Marley: 🤨 🤨 STOP YELLING AT ME

Blonde Marley: I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND!

Dorothycass : *Fake* girlfriend

Blonde Marley : same shit.

Blonde Marley : HOW THE FUCK DO WE CONVINCE

Blonde Marley: REMUS AND BARTY WE R DATING?

Dorothycass : uh, well idk hold my hand or something

Blonde Marley : that's so gay

Dorothycass: ….

The Bra to my Cup

Today

Mary: I wanna leave so bad

Mary: But also if I leave, I think everyone would know why..

Pandora: mhm..

Pandora: So this is you admitting you like marlene?

Mary: shut up

Pandora: i hate that they look good together

Mary: same.

Ass Hole

Today

Pretty boy : hiiii

Pretty boy: i’m bored entertain me 😁

Ass hole: arent you out with your friends?

Pretty boy : friends is a stretch, maybe 80% of the people here are my friends.

Pretty boy: especially not that ass hole.

Ass hole: yikes

Ass hole : right you’re with your public enemy #1. Is he spiderman?

Pretty boy : absolutely not, spiderman is hotter.

Ass hole: is he ugly? 🤨

Pretty boy : not really but i'd rather eat scallops everyday single day than admit that.

Ass hole: I have a sense you might not like scallops.

Pretty boy: oh my gosh you know me 🥺

Flower Power

Today

Alice: this is so WEIRD?????????

Lily: I literally have no words…

Alice: are they REALLY DATING?

Lily: i mean, they look cozy? But they have always been cozy…

Alice: mary looks so uncomfortable

Lily : probably jealous

Lily: poor mary 🙁

las cuatro amigas

Today

Como La Lily: hiiii hiiii you seem miserable 🫶🏼

Pancito: she is miserable looool

Alicia : I wonder why…

Mary Lamb : I’m just hangover guys chiiillll 🙄

Como La Lily : riiiight, that would be believable if it wasn't for dora looking as miserable ✌🏻🤪

Pancito : ✌🏻🤪 i’m always miserable ✌🏻🤪

Alicia : TRUEEEEEEEEEE

Alicia : but today YOUR A LITTLE BIT MORE EXTRA MISERABLE

Pancito : aha.. no <3

Alicia : Yes <3

Como La Lily: mijaaaa your deflecting

Como La Lily : you two fr have to admit that you guys have a crush on dorcas and marlene its obvious.

Mary Lamb : yo no hablo english 😦

Pancito : beep boop?

Alicia : 🤦🏻♀️

Como La Lily : 🤦🏻♀️

Fabian = Shrek STAN

Today

Fabilus 🦕: REEEEGULUUUUUUUUUS

Lily Loml <3: mhmmm hes no busy having a glaring contest with that fine species of a man

Love, Evan: hiii helloo you have a boyfriend you whore

Love, Evan : also ew?

Love, Evan : and lasty.. REGULUS STOP GLARING AT BARTY.

Lily Loml<3 : me and james both agree that's a sexy man.

Lily Loml <3 : EVAN HES FLIRTINGGGGGG

Fabilus 🦕: GASP????? CHEATER!!!!!!!!!

Love, Evan: nope, he's not even checking his phone.

Love, Evan : FABIAN?-!/!/!:&:@:@:&:

Fabilus 🦕 : only way to get his attention. I am attention starved.

Lily Loml <3 : he looks so annoyed.

Regulus : WAS THAT NECESSARY?

Love, Evan : drastic measures.. regulus, hi, please stop making barty your enemy

Regulus : no, me and bartolomeo have beef..

Fabilius 🦕: *insert a picture of Bartolomeo from one piece anime* him…? why..? oh him and barthew look alike..

Love, Evan: oh my god Edgar is gonna leave me.

Lily Loml <3 : so dramatic <3 i'll marry you and we could be Lily Evans and Evan Evans 😌 and James Evans 😌

Regulus: HAHA IM SENDING THIS TO HIM.

Lily Loml <3 : oh that’s why hes narrowing his eyes at me

Love, Evan: heheh thanks, now he wont stop kissing me

Love of my life <3

Today

Love of my life <3: please don’t leave me

Edgar, my love: uh?

Love of my life <3: our relationship will still work..

Love of my life <3: even if my cousin and your bestfriend hate eachother

Edgar, my love: HELLOO EV????? I WONT BREAK UP WITH YOU BC OF THOSE TWO IDIOTS.

Edgar, my love : I love you baby 😾

Love of my life <3 : okay good 🙂

Edgar, my love: i-...

Edgar, my love: you’re so silly ev.

Love of my life <3 : SHHH

Edgar Boner 🍆

Today

Edgar Boner 🍆 : maybe wanna stop glaring at regulus

Barty: ????

Edgar Boner 🍆: don’t ???? me bitch, you keep glaring at him

Barty: I don’t know what your talking about

Barty: Who's regulus?

Edgar Boner 🍆 : I can’t stand you

Barty : well, you should sit then.

Barty: SO. UNCALLED. FOR.

Edgar Boner 🍆 : deserved.

“Okay, I can’t take it anymore, how long have you been dating?” Barty asked.

Marlene and Dorcas knew this was eventually going to happen, they hadn’t really planned this through or thought that they would have to debut their fake relationship so fast. But it happened and now neither could go back, Marlene side glanced at Dorcas and cleared her throat.

“Uh just a couple of days, this is fairly new”

Dorcas put a casual arm around Marlene and drew her closer. “Yeah, we just didn't want to make things weird.”

A soft scoff sounded at the end of the table, Marlene let her eyes locked with her favorite pair of brown eyes and Mary immediately looked away, trying to disguise the noise with a cough. Pandora looked at her amusingly and went as far as slapping her back.

“Bread went down the wrong pipe.” Pandora smiled at them.

Marlene glanced away, giving Dorcas a look while Barty and Remus looked at them suspiciously.

“I see.” Remus said.

Barty, still not convinced, glanced at them, opening his mouth to say something but all that came out was a very loud. “OW?” his glance snapped away from them to the younger Black, and glared. “Do you mind?”

Regulus looked down at his cuticles uninterested, and glanced up at Barty through his lashes with a bored expression. “Why are you talking to me?”

“Regulus.” Evan hissed.

“You kicked me? Is apologizing something you just don’t do?” Barty gritted out irritated.

Regulus blinked slowly, and tilted his head. “I’m sorry?” he said not sounding sorry at all.

Barty rolled his eyes, and opened his mouth to say something, but after a second of consideration he closed it. Did he feel like fighting with this insufferable pretty boy? No. “Anyways, hope you two are.. Happy.” he says at the end.

“Mhm.” Remus hummed, leaning back and crossing their arms.

Dorlene (Platonically)

Today

Blonde Marley: I think that was a success, don’t you think?

Dorothycass: No.

Blonde Marley: WHY NOT?

Dorothycass : Remus and Barty do not believe us for one second.

Blonde Marley : mhm, i wouldn’t believe us either….

Dorothycass : -_-

Dorothycass: confidence !

Dorothycass: in a better note, i think it’s working on mary

Blonde Marley : I HOPE SO!?!??!

Blonde Marley: pandora is hard to read

Dorothycass: I KNOOOOOOOOW

THREE DAYS LATER

2 gays and bi james

Today

Sirchu: Do you guys think Remus dick is big?

Regu left the chat

Sirchu: HELLO????????????

Jameson: they look like they are packing

Regu was added back 2 gays and bi james

Sirchu : WHY DID YOU LEAVE?

Regu: I DON’T WANNA TALK ABOUT ROMOLUS DICK SIRIUS IM IN CLASS

Sirchu: REMUS?

Jameson : it’s just a dick reg, are you scared of dicks?

Regu: do you wanna lose yours?

Jameson : ?!?!?!??!?!?!? NO?????????

Sirchu: ok shut up

Sirchu: important conversation

Regu: istg

Sirchu: REMUS DICK? I want that in my mouth, in my ass, in any place it would fit.

Regu: i’m blocking you. I am fucking BLOCKING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jameson: packing confirmed.

Jameson: lily said she could ask

Sirchu: mhm

Sirchu: no no no

Sirchu: i wanna find out if its big

Ass Hole

Today

Pretty boy: please save me

Ass hole: time and place

Ass hole: but what happened?

Pretty boy: i'm in a group chat with my brothers

Pretty boy: and my brother is asking about their crushes dick.

Pretty boy: saying how badly they want it and i might kms

Ass hole: Okay, well please don’t die. I enjoy talking to him and secondly, is it a big dick pretty boy?

Pretty boy: I loathe you <3

Ass hole: gasp? This is my repayment for our late conversations.

Pretty boy: this is your repayment for DICK QUESTIONS.

Bffs

(Mary, Pandora, Edgar)

Holy Mary: do we have any plans this weekend?

Bones: date, me and evan, why?

Dora the explorer: you’re always busy you whore

Bones: not a whore, in love yes.

Holy Mary: BORING

Holy Mary: wait invite evan <3

Bones : to where?

Dora the explorer: she wants to go to a club and kiss her feelings away<3

Holy Mary: fuck you <3

Holy Mary: but yes.

Bones: ah yes, your crushes are dating.

Bones: it doesn’t feel real

Dora the explorer: well its real

Dora the explorer: they have made it insta official

Holy Mary: THEY DID?

Bones: oooh insta official…

Holy Mary: whatever, can we please?

Bones: yes fine, i’ll ask ev

Holy Mary: WOOOHOOOO!!!!

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin

Today

Sirius, Regulus, Evan, Narcissa, Edgar, James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Fabian, Frank, Alice, Pandora, Dorcas, Peter, Xeno,

Marlene: WOOHOOO CLUBBING THIS FRIDAY!!!

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin 2.0

Today

Sirius, Evan, Narcissa, Edgar, James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Fabian, Frank, Alice, Pandora, Dorcas, Peter, Xeno, Barty

Marlene: WOOHOOO CLUBBING THIS FRIDAY!!!

Bffs

(Mary, Pandora, Edgar)

Today

Holy Mary: EDGAR WHAT THE FUCK

Edgar: blame Barty…

Edgar BFF’s

Today

Mary: BARTEMIUS CROUCH JR IMA FUCKING INVITE REGULUS BLACK.

Barty: I-..

Notes:

I swear this text fic is all over the place but eventually it will become a plot. I'm just figuring out the direction on how Barty and Regulus will find out they're talking to each other. But it's just fun to have them be enemies :) LOL
Anyways,
Come say Hi! Tumblr: crimsonlovebartylus

Chapter 6: chaos and more chaos and more..

Summary:

rambling about paintings. dorlene plan b. miscommunication not really. childhood friend stealer.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Remus

10:30 AM

Sirius: Thank you for helping me pick out a gift for Lily

Remus: oh anytime, i do enjoy hanging out with you

Prongsfoot or die

10:35 AM

Sirius: OMGOMGOMGOMOMGOMOMG

Sirius: OH MY GOD!?!??!?!!

James: WHAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

James: SIRIUS? TELL ME? I STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD?

Sirius: BARK BARK BARK

Sirius: REMUS SAID THEY ENJOY HANGING OUT WITH ME JAJFDJKLZSG

Sirius: we are so getting married.

James: YOU ARE YOU ARE PICK ME PICK ME, AS YOUR BEST MAN.

James: oh shit cars honking

James: gtg

Remus

10:40 AM

Sirius: hahaha i also do

Sirius: we should hang out more

Remus: We should.

Remus: Wait, are you going to that thing on Friday?

Sirius: the club that Marlene announced in the groupchat?

Remus: Huh?

[ On Seen ]

he artist, the whore, the drunk and the nerd

11:05 AM

Rem Rem: Be honest, but are you guys in a group chat without me but with sirius?

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin 2.0

11:06 AM

[Sirius, Evan, Narcissa, Edgar, James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Fabian, Frank, Alice, Pandora, Dorcas, Peter, Xeno, Barty]

Dorcas: Sirius

Marlene: Dude

Barty: you’re an idiot.

Narcissa: welcome to the light

Alice: Babe LMAOOOOOOOOO

Fabian: What did Sirius do now?

James: accidentally told remus about this group chat and then left them on seen

Sirius: I JUST SAID THAT MARLENE LET US KNOW ON THE GC

Marlene: the one that’s dedicated to THEM?

Sirius: LIE TO THEM!

Dorcas: nO?

Barty: lying is mean

Mary: also telling people something you were specifically told not to say

Edgar: aha… aha..

Barty: DUDE?????????? Edgar never told me not to say anything.

Sirius: HELLO BACK TO ME.

he artist, the whore, the drunk and the nerd

11:10 AM

Marls: I don’t know what you are talking about?

The Barty Father: who’s sirius?

Cass Cass: What is sirius?

Marls: why is sirius?

Rem Rem: ….

Rem Rem: i’m going to take this as a yes

Rem Rem: I feel? Betrayed?

Dorlene (Platonically)

11:30 AM

Blonde Marley: do you think we need to kiss?

Blonde Marley: i love you, but kissing you is like kissing my sibling

Dorothycass: bitch? *i* would be the best kiss you ever had

Dorothycass: but idk?

Blonde Marley: OH MY GODDDDDDD, we probably will have too like who dates and never kisses? Right?

Dorothycass: plenty of people?

Blonde Marley: oh you have a point, but ok if we do kiss.. You’ll have to tap my shoulder in anticipation.

Dorothycass: Okay, i’ll make sure to punch it

Blonde Marley: ?????? bitch you punch me ??? i’ll punch you ????

Dorothycass: LMFAOOOOOOOOO ok fine. I’ll tap you.

Blonde Marley: and they said fake dating is impossible.

Dorothycass: who the fuck is they?

Blonde Marley: just they cass, just.. They.

My Girlfriend Better Than Yours

11:35 AM

Alice From Twilight: Baby, wanna go out for breakfast?

Cissa Baby: of course I do

Cissa Baby: are frank and fabian going?

Alice From Twilight: no just us <3 a little date.

Cissa Baby: Perfect.

Cissa Baby: are we going to the club on Friday?

Alice From Twilight: i think it would be fun

Cissa Baby: it’s always fun to see my cousin try to flirt with Remus but also seeing Regulus consistently glare at that one boy.

Alice From Twilight: OH BARTY.

Cissa Baby: THAT'S HIS NAME? And here I thought the recurring star theme our family has was bad.. But yes him.

Alice From Twilight: I bet you that it’s tension and they will eventually talk and date.

Cissa Baby: mhm? You think.

Alice From Twilight: i don’t make my entire personality based on romance books, to not know a trope when i see one.

Cissa Baby: I believe you baby.

Cissa Baby: wanna bet?

Alice From Twilight: oh, you’re ON.

Cissa Baby: kiss me about it.

Alice From Twilight: on my way.

Ass hole

12:00 PM

Ass Hole: Pretty Boy, we haven’t talked today.

Pretty Boy: GASP? I just woke up lol

Ass Hole: well good morning <3

Pretty Boy: good afternoon :)

Ass Hole: did you stay up too late last night?

Pretty Boy: yeah I had a fucking art project that I needed to finish and it took me almost all night, i’m still pretty tired.

Ass Hole: wait you’re an artist? Well a painter? Did you tell me that?

Pretty Boy: I have a horrible memory… I don’t remember, but yes I am

Ass Hole: oh holy shit? Who are your favorite painters?

Pretty Boy: well i have a lot actually but i guess i’ll narrow it down to my top three.. Some of them will sound cliche like “oh such an obvious choice” but shush, i really like van gogh and monet and frida kahlo, but i also really like michelangelo and raphael and etc etc

Pretty Boy: sorry it’s a lot

Ass Hole: it’s not a lot and if you had to narrow it down between those three who would be your top favorite.

Pretty Boy: oh you devil, fuck..

Pretty Boy: mhmm, i’ll pick frida kahlo, like don’t get me wrong all three of them compete for my favorite spot but they all are different and incorporate different things into their paintings to make them theirs. You know?

Ass Hole: no, but I have you to tell me now.

Ass Hole: but why Frida Kahlo and not Van Gogh or Monet.

Pretty Boy: I think it’s because in some way I enjoy the sadness that some of Frida's paintings portrayed and the way they make me feel. She was always so good at making you feel, while looking at your paintings - it’s like when you read a book, and you read a scene and you could just imagine the feeling. In Frida painting and how she shows by just a portrait of herself, she puts a lot of emotions that somehow transfer to you. Everytime, I look at her paintings I always feel such a heaviness or such anger or sometimes even uncomfortable because if you ever go and see one of her paintings they aren’t supposed to be always pretty but show you what she felt at the moment with such intimacy.

Pretty Boy: fuck this is a lot, you don’t have to read it.

Ass Hole: No! Keep talking about it. I like learning new things and In a way I like seeing your enthusiasm about a topic that makes you happy.

Pretty Boy: you’re so..

Pretty Boy: But yeah that’s the jist of it..

Ass Hole: what’s your favorite painting of hers?

Pretty Boy: JESUS ASKING THE HARD QUESTIONS HUH??

Pretty Boy: but the two fridas, because she painted two different versions of herself. It was right after her divorce from that ass hole Diego Rivera, but well uhm.. It basically shows one of the fridas dressed in traditional clothing and the other frida is an independent wearing modern clothing. The frida with traditional clothing has her heart broken and the other her heart is full. There are two different meanings behind the painting, one of them she said it was based on an imaginary friend from her childhood and the other is basically her desperation and loneliness after her divorce. But they also like different things… and I will stop rambling now.

Ass Hole: PRETTY BOY!! I DON'T MIND.

Pretty Boy: well I’m done rambling hmph.

Ass Hole: You’re so adorable and passionate.

Pretty Boy: you don’t even know how I look or how I really am IRL.

Ass Hole: you’re right, but not yet right?

Pretty Boy: 🥺 oh no, how will I ever live without meeting you at this moment.

Ass Hole: Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow. 🥺

Pretty Boy: did you just… Shakespeare me?

Ass Hole: maybe..

Pretty Boy: is my wittttleee ass hole a lit major? :(

Ass Hole: lol i can’t believe thats my name on your phone, and also yes.

Pretty Boy: circumstances when we first started texting warranted you to ass hole <3 sorry not SORRRRRYYYYY

Ass Hole: also, pretty boy we are not done yet - what was your project about?

Pretty Boy: ugh, you really want me to ramble huh?

Ass Hole: yes.

Pretty Boy: I just tried to make a combination of a starry night with water lilies, was it difficult considering the different strokes and art style? Fuck yeah.

Ass Hole: holy shit?

Pretty Boy: the only good thing is they both use oil paint, so while different it was not impossible. But if the professor sees it as good, then.. I will be able to present it at the school art gallery.

Ass Hole: HOLY SHIT? That’s huge, I hope you do.

Pretty Boy: me too, it would be a big fuck you to my parents <3

Ass Hole: Oh?

Pretty Boy: I don’t wanna get into that yet, especially after we’ve had a lovely conversation.

Ass Hole: well if it makes you feel any better

Ass Hole: I also want to give a fuck you to my parents, well specifically my father.

Pretty Boy: In an odd… way?

Pretty Boy: It does.

my bisexual parents

3:00 PM

Sirius Black: hELLLOOOOOOO

Sirius Black: serious or sirius inquiry.

Lily Flower 🌼: does the SERIOUS inquiry have to do with a tall 6’4, brown hair wonder?

Prongs 🦌 : Hozier?

Sirius Black: hOZIERR?

Lily Flower 🌼: first of all, wtf james?

Lily Flower 🌼: second of all, hozier is 6’6? He’s basically my god, my religion, my reason to breathe, my womanhood, what it means to be a woman in MY eyes.

Lily Flower 🌼: and lastly, wtf jame? I talk about him everyday. Like do you just not listen to me? I literally sit by you drinking my tea as you go through your Zayn Malik powerpoint?

Sirius Black: WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH

Sirius Black: THE BETRAYAL?

Sirius Black: I CANT BELIEVE YOU SHOW LILY THE ZAYN MALIK POWER POINT.

Prongs 🦌: uh

Prongs 🦌: in my defense… your brother and I compare harry styles and zayn and get into heated one direction debates on most days… sorry… somehow bad bunny gets thrown into the loop.

Sirius Black: yOUUU TRAITOROUS WHORE

Lily Flower 🌼: this is cute and all, but what was the inquiry of remus?

Sirius Black: HOW DID YOU KNOW 😧

Lily Flower 🌼: well

Lily Flower 🌼: your whole personality is based on say man.

Lily Flower 🌼: we have two group chats of say man

Lily Flower 🌼: and now we are like a blended family, the adam sandler and drew barrymore movie, but a friend group. So yes, i'm a psychic.

Prongs 🦌: the love of my life is a witch

Prongs 🦌: a sexy witch. Ahe ahe he

Sirius Black: well that make sense

Sirius Black: BUT yes

Sirius Black: my crises if you should know..

Lily Flower 🌼: … you texted us..

Sirius Black: IF YOU SHOULD know..

Lily Flower 🌼: … and she continues..

Sirius Black: my inquiry was about if I should answer Remus back after the big “gc” mistake.

Lily Flower 🌼: Oh boy

Lily Flower 🌼: Yes Sirius.

Prongs 🦌: YOU STILL HAVENT ANSWER THEM BACK??????????

Sirius Black: no..

Prongs 🦌: Oh boy

Prongs 🦌: what if they think you dont like them because you don’t wanna add them to secret gc

Prongs 🦌: oh no

Sirius Black: OH No?!??!?!? I DO LIKE THEM?!?!?

Lily Flower 🌼: answer them back.

Love of my life <3

3:15 PM

Edgar, my love: evan my love, where are you?

Love of my life <3: looking at barty smile at his phone

Edgar, my love: uh.. But cuddles?

Love of my life<3: I’m going baby, but hes like smiling

Love of my life<3: it’s a bit unsettling…

Edgar, my love: HE SMILES???????

Love of my life<3: apparently

Love of my life<3: i got bored going back, i miss you

Love of my life<3: and now he's glaring at me.

Edgar, my love: HEY! TELL HIM NOT TO GLARE AT YOU.

Edgar, my love: yk what brb.

Edgar Boner 🍆

3:18 PM

Edgar Boner 🍆: hey, dONT GLAREE AT MY BOYFRIEND

Barty: who’s dis? New phone.

Edgar Boner 🍆: i’ll give you a who this, when i go ahead and invite regulus over.

Barty: oh wow that’s not funny.

Edgar Boner 🍆: eat dick bITCH

Barty: I FUCKING WILL.

Love of my life <3

3:20 PM

Edgar, my love: done.

Love of my life<3: my hero 🥰

Love of my life<3: i love you ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Edgar, my love: i love you too, now come back before I die.

Love of my life<3: :( no don’t die.

Love of my life<3: ON MY WAYYYYY

Remus

4:30 PM

Sirius: did I say group chat? HAHAHAHAH i meant personal text

Sirius: me and Marlene are like bestfriends.

Sirius: some will say childhood friends.

The Library Bi & The Rock Lesbian = Glee

4:31 PM

Dirtyslut: how come you never told me you and sirius were childhood friends?

Dirtyhoe: what?

Blackinnon in the queer way

4:32 PM

ShakeMarlene: CHILDHOOD FRIENDS?

SexySirius: i panicKEEDD IM WEAK

ShakeMarlene: oh my good. the lies. we werent even childhood friends omfg.

The Library Bi & The Rock Lesbian = Glee

4:35 PM

Dirtyhoe: I mean, yeah, yeah.

Dirtyslut: you think you know someone for five years, and live with them but do you really know them?

Dirtyhoe: aha.. Oh remus, you.. Dramatic poet.. aha.

Blackinnon in the queer way

4:36PM

ShakeMarlene: you owe me a leg, an arm, a tittie.

Shake Marlene: you and your damn lies.

Shake Marlene: my only childhood friend is BARTY.

SexySirius: IM SORRY.

Bestfriends in a spongebob and patrick way

4:40 PM

Barty Bestie: so, you and sirius huh?

Marlene Bestie boo: shut up.

Barty Bestie: you think you're special but you aren't.

Marlene Bestie boo: ok mr. i have edgar bones as a bff.

Barty Bestie: ok miss sirius childhood bestie.

Marlene Bestie boo: 🖕🖕🖕

2 gays and bi james

4:45 PM

Sirchu: tHEEEEY HAVENT ANSWEEEEEEEEER MEEE I FUCKED UP.

Regu: don’t care

Regu: who?

Sirchu: YOUR POTENTIAL BROTHER IN LAWWWWWWW

Regu: james i can’t handle her when shes in heat.

Jameson: HhsajdhrsljdghadfljkghaDG

Jameson: lily said shes offended you didn’t text the other gc

Sirchu: she was being mean just like Regu

Regu: and that’s why shes my soulmate.

Jameson: that was so WEIRDDDD

Jameson: thEY SAiD THE SAME THING aT THE SAME TIMEE

Sirchu: god does everyone make everything about them. I’m dOOOOMED

Sirchu: oh wait nvm

Sirchu: brb with updates

Regu: that no one ask for….

Remus

4:55 PM

Remus: Haha, okay.

Sirius: Yeah, I’ll be there..

Remus: Cool, I’ll see you Friday Sirius.

[Friday: 11:00 PM]

The couple + Barty

11:00 PM

Barty: if yur frdfiend evan, stLEAS my drnks 1 mre time. Istg

Evan: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SORRGTYA

Barty: i CANT stnd him

Edgar: tan SIT! HAHAHAH

Evan: CANT STAND HIM WOH AHAHA SEZXXUAL TENSION ENEMIES HEHEE

Notes:

As always,
Thank you for the comments and if you are reading this extremely chaotic texting fic. <3
Enjoy the unfolding chaos.

Chapter 7: what happens at the club stays at the club - even if it isn't true

Summary:

clubs, chaos, jealous? a little bit of everything

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“No, no, no” Barty complains drunk, grabbing his drink from Regulus.

Regulus squints his eyes, trying to focus his hazy stare. “You’re annoying.”

“I’m the annoying one, when you keep stealing my drink, Black?” Barty says.

Regulus thinks for a moment - he wasn’t wrong, it was his drink. But something about stealing Barty drinks made these gatherings worthwhile. So, he gives Barty what he believes is a cute condescending smile and snatches the drink out of his hand and goes back to the dance floor and begins to dance with Lily and Fabian.

“So fucking insufferable.” Barty growls, ordering himself another drink.

The couple + Barty

12:30 AM

Barty: oh oen tray… i swear to gda evan.

Edgar: BUSY!

Barty: inad a CLUB?

Barty: gosss

Barty: you two make me shock.

(15 minute late)

Evan: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA SRRY DNF OJH?

Evan: dANCING WIRH REG

Dorlene (Platonically)

1:00 AM

Blonde Marley: NEVAE KJSS AGAIN

Dorothycass: NOPE NOEPE

Dorothycass: ughajdks magicla

Dorothycass: pandora is amagic.

Blonde Marley: MARYRRYR IS ,AGIKC

Dorothycass: MHMMM MHMM ,MAGIC <3

Bffs

(Mary, Pandora, Edgar)

1:05 AM

Holy Mary: im going to clearly end it all.

Bones: wat? happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dora the explorer: dorcasa an d marleny kiss.

Holy Mary: whatevtre il kidd domronr

Bones: yo have kids?!

Holy Mary: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dora the explorer: LOL 😂 😂 mary with kids

Dora the explorer: holy mary af

Bones: nt ok ! 😠

Bones: kizz echother

Holy Mary: NO! IM K.

Dora the explorer: UHG OFFNDDED JKJK more drinks!

Bones: SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT!

Holy Mary: YES YES YES

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin

Today

Sirius, Regulus, Evan, Narcissa, Edgar, James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Fabian, Frank, Alice, Pandora, Dorcas, Peter, Xeno,

1:45 AM

Regulus: OMGOMGOMMGOKGOMG MAKEOUT

James: I SEE IT

Lily: Good job Sirius! ❣️

Peter: slay queen

Peter: yass queen

James: Peter.. You can’t slay queen and yass queen with that enthusiasm..

Peter: oh

Peter: SLAYYY QUEEEEEEEN

Peter: YASSS QUEEEEEEN

Peter: GET IT QUEEN

Xeno: that was beautiful

Peter: Really!?!?!?!?!?!?

Xeno: yes

James: LOL

Lily: awe romance isnt dead

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin 2.0

Today

Sirius, Evan, Narcissa, Edgar, James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Fabian, Frank, Alice, Pandora, Dorcas, Peter, Xeno, Barty

2:20 AM

Fabian: REGUUUULUUUUUUSSSSS COMEB BACK!!! >:(

Frank: wrong

Frank: you know what

Frank: nevermind

Frank: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Edgar: weo weo weo

Edgar: regulus isnt here

Fabian: what?

Fabian: wtf?

Fabian: uh yesa he is?!?

Frank: AHHHHHHHH

Evan: REGULUS?

Edgar: oh baby…

Evan: oh.. basfjgbsjgbjhasd

Barty: reglusbh pay ME.

Marlene: not here idot!

Barty: your mom

Marlene: i’m tellubg my mum

Barty: NO!

Fabian = Shrek STAN

Today

2:25 AM

Fabilus 🦕: REGULUSSSS WHERE ARE YIUUUU?!?!?!?!

Lily Loml <3: HOW DI D YU LOSE REGULUS AGAI1N?!?!?

Love, Evan: SHHHHH SEX AEDGAR IN BCAR ?

Lily Loml <3: WHAT?

Regulus: IM IN THE BATHROOM

Regulus: FUCKING

Text Message

Regulus: PEEING

Not Delivered

Regulus: GUESS WHOS HERE

Not Delivered

IMessage

Regulus: BARTY!!

Fabilus 🦕: WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?!??!

Love, Evan: 🫨 WFUCKIGN WHO!?!??!?!?!

Lily Loml <3: REGULUS?!?!?!

Fabilus 🦕: OH DMY GOD 1JQNJK23!/?!??!/SDL

Lily Loml <3 : USE CONDOMS!!!

Lily Loml <3: the bathrooms are so dirty…..

Lily Loml <3: oh my god

Love, Evan: uh…

Lily Loml <3: EVAN ROSIER?

The couple + Barty

Today

2:30 AM

Evan: YOU BETTER FUVKING BE SGENTLE WITHR HIMK

Evan: OR IFSDL KILL YOU CROUCHJ!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edgar: haha

Edgar: hot

Evan: oh? 😏

Evan: yeha?

Edgar: mhmm

Edgar: come back

Evan: omw 😏

Barty: huh??!??!?!?!?!

Getaway car enthusiasts

Today

2:45 AM

Franky: it should be a SIN how sexy fabian is ugh

Alice in wonderland: fabian?

Alice in wonderland: have you seen cissa?

Franky: eh

Alice in wonderland: EH?

Alice in wonderland: is this your wya to tell me you hate me!>

Franky: no <3

Regulus favorite people (sometimes)

Today

3:10 AM

Fabian: an annoncemt ti uh make

Lily: …

Sirius: hgmnhafg arfdbusy!!!

James: she said shes busy

Narcissa: wow what a power.

Pandora: hello

Evan: buzz buzz

Fabian: regulus

Fabian: ISNT A VIRGJN ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lily: oh my god

Lily: stop spreaidng it around

James: WHAT!??!?!!?!?

James: NOOOO OUR VIRGIN CHILD…

James: is RUIN

Narcissa: ???

Narcissa: Regulus literally hasn’t been a virgin for years..

Fabian: DONT ANSWER TJHAT

Narcissa: WHAT?!

Pandora: well congratulations regulus?

Evan: BARTY CROUCH JR.

James: with Barty?

Sirius: WHAT!?

James: YIUR BROTHER LOST HIS V CARD WITH CROUCH

Sirius: WHAT WHAT WHAT

Evan: i-

Evan: wiat

Narcissa: jesus christ…

Narcissa: he did not…

Evan: BASUYYEE?!?

Narcissa: …

Sirius: MY LIRRLE BRTOHERS OH MY GODHSK

Dorlene (Platonically)

Today

3:10 AM

Blonde Marley: ugh

Blonde Marley: mary flhrting with that girl

Dorothycass: kill her

Blonde Marley: MARY1?!

Dorothycass: NO THE GIRL

Blonde Marley: ohhh…… that migt be smart

Dorothycass: omg ill help you bury the mvbidy.

Blonde Marley: YOUR BIYDY?!?!?!?? I dnt wan t yo kill you….

Dorothycass: not me, HERS.

Blonde Marley: ugh

Blonde Marley: jhas pandora talk toyou

Dorothycass: nope <3

Blonde Marley: is this even working?!?

Dorothycass: … we’vv been datinga for a month? Maybe? Idk…….

Blonde Marley: ugh geel fooooreveeer

Dorothycass: HELLO?

Blonde Marley: ilysm

The Bra to my Cup

Today

3:15 AM

Pandora: OH OH OH OH OH OH

Mary: bitch r u santa xx

Pandora: what?

Pandora: maybe…

Pandora: i just need a beard

Mary: …

Mary: what tho, i’m busy

Pandora; I KNOOOOOW

Pandora: keep doing what ya doing

Pandora: i think

Pandora: no i KNOOOOW

Pandora: marlene looks murderous..

Mary: HUH!?!?!?!!

Mary: what.

Pandora: mhm mhh mhm

Pandora: shake dat ass on that girl

Mary: omg ok

Mary: wait??????

Mary: marlene is literally dating dorcas?

Pandora: so?

Pandora: wait thats bad…

Pandora: should i tell? Dorcas?

Mary: uh no

Mary: they would kill me

Pandora: nah

Pandora: ok i wont

Mary: but you should..

Pandora: but i should..

Gold Dust Woman

Today

3:20 AM

Pandora 🔮: ermmmm

Pandora 🔮: hey

Dorks 🤪: oh hey

Dorlene (Platonically)

Today

3:21 AM

Dorothycass: JDSHAFJJKSDJKFJAKSDFGD

Blonde Marley: ?????

Gold Dust Woman

Today

3:21 AM

Pandora 🔮: your gf is givn mary sex eyes, sorry no.. uh murder eyes

Dorks 🤪: LOL what

Pandora 🔮: yea thought you should idk know..

Dorks 🤪: who?

Dorks 🤪: I mean who is uh marlene giving murder eyes too

Dorks 🤪: Mary?????

Pandora 🔮: No lol

Pandora 🔮: the girl mary dancing on’

Dorks 🤪: ah cool, thanks

Dorlene (Platonically)

Today

3:24 AM

Blonde Marley: HELLO???????

Blonde Marley: dhmu than hoe

Dorothycass: HAHAHAHAA LMFAODOFAISFJASFJASKJFAS

Dorothycass: [Screenshot of Gold Dust Woman}

Dorothycass: STUPID BITCH

Blonde Marley: omfg.

Blonde Marley: i’ll kiss u again hoe

Dorothycass: might have too dumbass

Blonde Marley: ugh.

The Bra to my Cup

Today

3:30 AM

Mary: PANDORA WTF

Pandora: i-..

Pandora: I DID IT BUT WTF

Mary: fml

Mary: ok

Pandora: mary…

Mary: no

Mary: idc we are sis either way

Pandora: mhm

Mary: stop acting like you dont care

Pandora: i dont. <3

Mary: yeah i’m a virgin

Pandora: your name is mary

Mary: 🖕

The mischief gang 😜

Today

3:45 AM

Peter Pan: BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Jameson: WHAT?!

Siri Poo: DUTY

Peter Pan: me and xeno kith xoxoxo

Jameson: wHAT?!?!?!

Jameson: 1 for peter, 0 for us

Siri Poo: you literally are dating a gODDEESSSS

Jameson: it was JOKE

Jameson: AHHHH

Jameson: details

Siri Poo: details details..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peter Pan: MHM MH MH

Peter Pan: OK AAHJFBJADFJSDGFS

Peter Pan: AHHHHHHHHHHH

Siri Poo: THE SUSPENSEEEPLS PLS PLS

Peter Pan: ok ok so

Peter Pan: we were CONVERSATING

Peter Pan: YES ITS POSSIBLE AT THE CLUB

Peter Pan: WE YELLED

Peter Pan: got closer and he like looked down at my lips and i obviously was thinkin’ “oh ym god kiss me”

Jameson: romantic

Peter Pan: and he kiss me, as if he can read my lips..

Peter Pan: MIND HAHAHHAHA

Jameson: OH HEEEEELLLLLL YEAHHHH BUDDDY

Siri Poo: ok pauly d chill

Jameson: PETER PANNNNN GOT SOME LIP ACTION

Peter Pan: i mf did bitch, kneel down for me

Jameson: woof woof

Siri Poo: HEY

Peter Pan; you also

Siri Poo: woof woof

Peter Pan: hell yeah

Peter Pan: omg OMG OMG

Peter Pan: REMUS HOW DID THA GO?!?!

Siri Poo: I’m in love 🥰 😍

Peter Pan: OGMDSFJDSFD

Siri Poo: ca wwe add them!?

Siri Poo: oh wiant

Siri Poo: kitting time…

Peter Pan: wtf is kitting time?

Jameson: idk bc neither have a cat to pet…

Jameson: OH KISSING

Jameson: oh wow thats.. Oh wow.. Porn at the club..

Peter Pan: huh..

Pretty Boy

Today

4:30 AM

Ass Hole: Hey

Ass Hole: fuck, you might be sleeping right?

Ass Hole: sorry

Ass Hole: idk who you are but i did wish you were here

Ass Hole: we could have idk drink and dance, even though i hate dancing and crowded places really aha.. But i would for you..

Ass Hole: also following to oue cponvo..

Ass Hole: uh no.. texting is hard aha…

4:45 AM

Pretty Boy: oh

Pretty Boy: well ass hole

Pretty Boy: me too..

Pretty Boy: if i was a worm, would you be my friend still?

12:30 PM

Ass Hole: of course i will

Ass Hole: did you also go out?

The couple + Barty

Today

12:30 PM

Barty: Can someone tell me why Regulus brother just texted me and said “if you hurt my brother i will kill you”

Edgar: mhm?

Edgar: OH

Edgar: you tell us

Evan: interesting...

Evan: yeah why are you acting brand new

Barty: I’m not acting “brand new”

Barty: what.

Edgar: you don’t have to hide it from us…

Barty: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN ON.

Barty: you know what whatever i’ll ask someone else

Evan: shame on you.

he artist, the whore, the drunk and the nerd

Today

12:32 PM

The Barty Father: can someone here tell me why Remus situationship, just texted me saying if i hurt their brother.. I’m dead?

Ram Rem: we are dating

Ram Rem: you fucked their little brother in a club?????

Marls: damn that ruthless..

Marls: forgetting like that?

Cass: wow your like all man..

The Barty Father: I DID WHAT?

The Barty Father: no the fuck I did not.

Fabian = Shrek STAN

Today

1:15 PM

Regulus: hi hi hi

Regulus: someone pls tell me why Sirius is asking me details about barty

Fabilus 🦕: ….

Lily Loml <3: you literally fucked him? Or he fucked you?

Love, Evan: HOW DID YOU BOTH FORGET?!

Regulus: WHAT?

Notes:

i'm so sorry i havent updated in a while. life got a bit hectic - and than I also got really bad writers block? but i should start updating again?
anyways
just more chaos, this texting fic literally doesn't have a plot LMAO. well it does, but the chaos has to unfold for the drama to start (if there is drama....)
anyways comments make me happy<3 thanks for commenting. muah muah

Chapter 8: Emails are the new text

Summary:

Emails. Project Partnering. Chaos.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Love, Evan
Today
2:00 PM

Regulus: okay after marinating that offensive information, i thought about it AND my verdict is, you guys are all stupid as fuck.

Love, Evan: I-

Regulus: because WHY THE FUCK
Regulus: WOULD I HAVE SEX WITH BARTY?
Regulus: you guys need glasses asap

Love, Evan: you… literally told us
Love, Evan: dumbass.

Regulus: HEY DONT INSULT ME WHEN UR IN THE WRONG ☹️

Love, Evan: dumb. Ass.

Regulus: fuck you 🖕
Regulus: but okay
Regulus: i need barty email

Love, Evan: HIS EMAIL?

Regulus: yes im going to email him a very wordy email about his mistakes

Love, Evan: why.. don’t you just text him?

Regulus: oh
Regulus: well because I don’t want him to get my number?

Love, Evan: oh boy
Love, Evan: one second

Regulus: I LOOOOVE YOUUUUUU

Love of my life <3
Today
2:15 PM

Love of my life <3: my love, what’s barty email?

Edgar, my love: uh… i don’t know

Love of my life <3: can you ask for me 😍

Edgar, my love: so many questions..

Love of my life <3: less questions more asking

Edgar Boner 🍆
Today
2:20 PM

Edgar Boner 🍆: no questions.
Edgar Boner 🍆: whats your email

Barty: why…
Barty: are you trying to sign up for another 10% for evan fav store again…

Edgar Boner 🍆: NO?
Edgar Boner 🍆: WHATS YOUR EMAIL.

Barty: whatever [email protected]

Edgar Boner 🍆: bless

Barty: weirdo.

Love of my life <3
Today
2:25 PM

Edgar, my love: hola
Edgar, my love: [email protected]

Love of my life <3: i love you
Love of my life <3: i’ma suck you off so bad.

Edgar, my love: OH!?!

Love, Evan
Today
2:30PM

Love, Evan: [email protected]

Regulus: took you long enough

Love, Evan: 🖕🖕

Regulus: love you too xoxo

Sunflower 🌻
Today
2:30 PM

James: if i was a worm would you still love me?

Lily: mhm what type of worm

James: any worm

Lily: no

James: WHAT?

Lily: just kidding, I would
Lily: want to eat pho today.

James: i would like to eat you

Lily: that could be arranged.

James: 😉
James: yes to pho

he artist, the whore, the drunk and the nerd
(Remus, Barty, Marlene and Dorcas)
Today
2:45 PM

Marls: you’re such a whore Barty

The Barty Father: ?!?!?!??!?!?

Marls: I just can’t believe you forgot about shagging Regulus

Cass: barty runs through people like a train
Cass: cho cho

Ram Rem: Sirius will kill you.

The Barty Father: i’m fucking innocent.

2 minutes later -

The Barty Father: and again, WE DIDN’T FUCK.
The Barty Father: i would never fuck him.
The Barty Father: hes fucking insufferable.

Cass: i mean.. The sexual tension between you two is palpable

The Barty Father: There is no fucking tension.

Marls: that’s what they all say.

The Barty Father: shouldn’t you both be busy idk making out with each other?

Cass: pervert.

Marls: yeah barty mind ya business before i tell mom

The Barty Father: TELL MOM WHAT!!!!?

Marls: 😔😔 that your sexualizing us because we are gay

Cass: 🥲😔 sniff

Ram Rem: damn you think you know someone and they turn out to be a pervert 😕

The Barty Father: i hate yall sm

2 minute later

Ram Rem: wow he hate us bc we are GAY, pervert and homophobic

The Barty Father: ima fr kms

Cass: NOOOO

Marls: dude you dont even have life insurance selfish

The Barty Father: 🖕🏻

-
4:45 PM

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Subject: Read Now.

Good afternoon Crouch.

I am not sure if you are aware that defamation is illegal and I have every right to sue you. Now if you do not know the definition is the following: the action of damaging the good reputation of someone. That's exactly what you did to me, telling our peers, comrades, our buddies that you and I had fornication in the bathroom.

While I am flattered that you had to make such lies using my name. I’d rather set myself on fire than ever come at an approximate to where our dicks are touching. I don't want your dick. So I demand for you to fix this issue that you created because nobody believes me that we haven't fucked.

Thank you.

Regulus Black.

-
5:15 PM

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Subject: re: Read Now.

Who the fuck emails people?
why didn't you just text me like a NORMAL person
I’m going to sue you for defamation.

I’m trying to comprehend if i’m talking to a 26 year old or a 85 year old. In fact why the fuck would I lie about having sex with you? I don't even like you and I also don't want your dick anywhere near mine.

you’re so weird.

Barty Crouch Jr.

The Bra to my Cup
Today
5:30 PM

Pandora: i hate class 😐

Mary: why? 🤔

Pandora: because i just got partner with dorcas

Mary: yikes
Mary: tell your teacher that you currently can't work with dorcas bc you have a big fat crush on them. 🥰🥰

Pandora: FIRST OF ALLLLLLL, i do not have a crush on dorcas and second of ALLL, they are the one that gave me the cold shoulder

Mary: ok sure
Mary: about the crush

Pandora: i hate you <3

Dorlene (Platonically)
Today
5:30 PM

Dorothycass: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Dorothycass: I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD

Blonde Marley: did you forget your pad again?

Dorothycass: bitch no?
Dorothycass: worse. so much worse.

Blonde Marley: I-..? 😃😃😃

Dorothycass: I got partner with pandora for a project

Blonde Marley: i’m so confused, how is this a bad thing?

Dorothycass: are you DUMB????? 😃

Blonde Marley: only before my coffee you whore

Dorothycass: omfg marlene, close proximity, hours of work.
Dorothycass: dude its a nude art project

Blonde Marley: ….
Blonde Marley: HAHAHAHAHHJADHFJksdFHNLDJFTF OMFG 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Dorothycass: fuck you its not funny

Blonde Marley: ah but it is

Dorothycass: goodbye finding a new fake gf and bestfriend you whore bag 😒😒😒

Blonde Marley: WOW THAT WAS LOW.

Dorothycass Seen

Blonde Marley: BITCH! 👹👹

-
6:30 PM

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Subject: re:re: Read Now.

You know it’s actually kind of cute of you to think that I would care if you liked me or not. I certainly give no fucks whatsoever. Maybe it’s because I don’t want you to have my number. Therefore the only way to communicate with you is through email.

Also you’re such a bitch ass liar because than why the fuck is everyone saying we had sex. Like why are you so obsessed with me?

*Links: Obsessed by Mariah Carey*

Your song.

Regulus Black

Pretty Boy
Today
6:30 PM

Pretty Boy: I did, but it’s been a MESS of a day

Ass Hole: how so?
Ass Hole: also hello oddly enough missed your texting

Pretty Boy: oh?

Ass Hole: weird?

Pretty Boy: no, i oddly missed your texting too
Pretty Boy: but there a rumor going around about me
Pretty Boy: i’m currently trying to settle it with this cunt ass hole licker.

Ass Hole: Ah, the boy you can’t stand?

Pretty Boy: mhm
Pretty Boy: i’m positive hes the one that started the rumor

Ass Hole: oh what a bitch ill fight him

Pretty Boy: Lol you dont even know who it is…

Ass Hole: well true but if he ever crosses my path, i’ll kick him.

-
Barty slowly gets off the couch with a groan, when he receives a notification of Regulus fucking Black but soon smiles when he receives a text from the mysterious pretty boy. He walks past a mirror, stopping and fixing his hair. “God I look rough.” he mumbles, making his way to his room.
-
6:45 PM

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Subject: re:re:re: Read Now.

Has your parents ever told you that you have the audacity? Because what the fuck? Why would I make a rumor up about you, especially about having sex with you when I just told you that I would not want your dick anywhere near mine?????????????????????????

Also you wish I would be obsessed with you. That ego of yours I swear to god.

*Links: The Warning By Eminem*

If that song is mine, than this one is yours.

Barty Crouch Jr.

Fabian = Shrek STAN
Today
7:15 PM

Regulus: FABIAN????? WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NOT PICKING UP MY CALLS???

Lily Loml <3: I wonder if they ever realized they could just text each other

Love, Evan: no..

Fabilus 🦕: Wait I can explain

Regulus: Then explain!

Fabilus 🦕: I like my ringtone… it’s hey now

Regulus: …..

Lily Loml: valid reason tbh

Regulus: wtf HOW? What if I was dying?

Fabilus 🦕: I could save you after i finish my dance duh

Love, Evan: LOOOL rip reg

Regulus: you guys are opps.

Lily Loml <3: YOU ARE THE ONE THAT SAID IT.

Regulus: SAID WHAT

Lily Loml <3: THAT YOU AND BARTY WERE HAVING SEX, SCROLL UP STUPID.

Regulus: …

Love, Evan: ah he finally realized..

My Girlfriend Better Than Yours
Today
7:15 PM

Alice From Twilight: you are the most amazing person i have ever met
Alice From Twilight: you mean the world to me. I can’t imagine life without you.
Alice From Twilight: you’re the most important human thats ever stepped into my life.

Cissa Baby: stop
Cissa Baby: im gonna cry u loser

Alice from Twilight: i love you, i love you, i love you.

Cissa Baby: i love you more. Also did you know my cousin and that barty kid fucked?

Alice From Twilight: bye, i called it.

Remus
Today
7:20

Sirius: ok give me a nick name

Remus: mine

The mischief gang 😜
Today
7:25

Siri Poo: can we add remus?

Peter Pan: STAMP OF APPROVAL, can we add xeno?

Jameson: i-.. ? no?

Peter Pan: wow not you supporting ONE GAY.

Jameson: bye

Siri Poo: HAHAHA im adding remus

*Siri Poo added My Remus*

Peter Pan: welcome to the secret society

Jameson: we all get in fours and crawl in circle smelling each other ass

My Remus: WHAT?

Siri Poo: don’t listen to them

Notes:

I had the most intense writer block for a couple of months. I am starting to write a bit again, so hopefully I won't take 3 months to update again LOL.
Anyways, thank you for the comments. Always love the comments. I am slowly but surely trying to make this less chaotic but more with a plot.
If you want to talk or ask me anything you could find me on tumblr: crimsonlovebartylus

Chapter 9: the barty killer

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Next Day
11:00 AM

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Subject: re:re:re:re: Read Now.

After further consideration. I have realized my faults, for once in my life, admitting this as a leo moon, makes this very hard for me. I will like to apologize because it seems that the translation was lost in say party night.

anyways, you could carry on with your uneventful life. but thank you for your time.

R.A.B.

12:00 PM

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Subject: re:re:re:re:re Read Now

What the fuck? I don't even know what that means, Leo Moon?

You spread the rumors about us having sex? Do you just enjoy making me miserable? Is that it?

Barty Crouch Jr?

Pretty Boy
Today
12:01 PM

Ass Hole: do you ever wake up and think wow, the audacity some people have?

Pretty Boy: good afternoon to you too and always.
Pretty Boy: Why?

Ass Hole: Have I told you about this one boy that doesn't like me 😀 I mean, I’m not that fond of him either but like the fucking audacity.

Pretty Boy: I think so?
Pretty Boy: I have a horrible memory.. 😔

Ass Hole: mhm i think i did, but okay so i've been having the same situation irl as you about this rumor among my friend group.
Ass Hole: how we apparently had sex. [Deletes] [New]: and well tell me why he just admits it to being the one to spread it? like what the actual fuck.

Pretty Boy: 😅 that's a bit weird?

Ass Hole: NO because it fucking is, like if you don't fuck with me? why you saying i fucked you wtf

Pretty Boy: maybe he likes you
Pretty Boy: wouldn't be surprised

Ass Hole: I-..
Ass Hole: what? absolutely not, i could never like someone like him to start with, he's insufferable, a know it all and always glares at me and he's an annoyingly talented art student and rude, the list could go on.

Pretty Boy: ?

Ass Hole: what..

Pretty Boy: “annoyingly talented art student” is an odd form of insult 😒

Ass Hole: Jealous?

Pretty Boy: of a boy that you “hate” no plus you wish
Pretty Boy: but maybe you're so hot that it makes him hot n bothered so that's why he spreads a rumor that he WISHEEEEEES was true

Ass Hole: 🙄🙄 oh fuck no, and maybe i do like the idea of you being jealous

12:45 PM

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Subject: re:re:re:re:re:re Read Now.

You’re so self centered and really believe that I would take my time of day to make your life miserable? Barty you’re an afterthought, I barely think about you besides when I watch how to get away with murder. I have absolutely no need to know about you or of you.

also you idiot, i didn't spread the rumor it was the case of a bad signal in the bathroom. your real culprits go by the name Evan Rosier & Edgar Bones.

R.A.B

Pretty Boy
Today
1:00 PM

Pretty Boy: shut up, you do not
Pretty Boy: mhm but just for the shits and giggles
Pretty Boy: maybe i am

Ass Hole: Ah? Well, don’t be jealous pretty boy.
Ass Hole: my interest is currently set on the stranger behind the screens

Pretty Boy: mhm that's dangerous isn't it? What if i'm a serial killer

Ass Hole: Oh?
Ass Hole: well than I guess I would just die

Pretty Boy: LOL WTF?

Sirchu
Today
1:30PM

Regulus: so what do i do when I have a crush on the stranger you gave my number too

Sirchu: i’m-
Sirchu: don’t die?

Regulus: obviously
Regulus: but we talk a lot
Regulus: he sounds cool…

Sirchu: god i wish i could tell you how he looks, but i can't remember
Sirchu: OH let’s ask prongsy boy.

Regulus: good old james

2 gays and bi james
Today
1:35PM

Sirchu: JAMESOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

Jameson: SIRCHUUUUUUUU

Regu: oh jesus christ

Sirchu: REGUUUU

Jameson: REGUUUU

Regu: james do you remember how the guy that Sirius gave my number too look?

Jameson: black hair and green tips, thats about it
Jameson: we drank to many tequilas shots

Regu: at least he sounds hot…

1:37 PM

To:[email protected]
From: [email protected]

Subject: re:re:re:re:re:re:re Read Now

I’m going to kill them both.

I hope you have funeral money for Evan.

Fuck you still.

Barty Crouch Jr.

The couple + Barty
Today
1:37 PM

Barty: do you two enjoy living?

Evan: I-

Edgar: of course, i get to live in the same life as Evan

Evan: awh baby :c

Barty: you two, will seek murder from me.

Edgar: wtf why?

Evan: HEY!

Barty: SILENCE!
Barty: *send screenshot* you two are like a gossip central

Evan: GASP WHY AM I BEING BLAMED FOR SOMETHING I DIDNT DO
Evan: okay I did, i was drunk and I told Lily and Fabian, so they are your real culprits

Edgar: yeah get your fact straight first biiitch before you blame me and my honey bunches of oats

Barty: you two disgust me

The Bra to my Cup
Today
1:37 PM

Pandora: Mary, if someone looks at you with hunger in their eyes.. Is that cheating?

Mary: No? Yes? No? Maybe? Why?

Pandora: me and dorcas have that project, and well it’s a nude project and we got partners and well… i was the naked one

Mary: OH
Mary: well.. Uh, maybe it is cheating? Emotional cheating? If they want to rip you apart and eat you like thanksgiving dinner

Pandora: i feel bad
Pandora: fuck

Mary: dont tempt them you goddess

Pandora: oh shut it, i’m not a home wrecker

Dorlene (Platonically)
1:40 PM
Today

Dorothycass: put me out my misery, place the gun between my eyebrows and pull the trigger
Dorothycass: please

Blonde Marley: bitch? What has you so morbid…

Dorothycass: seeing the body of the woman, i wish i could worship. That’s what.

Blonde Marley: HA HA HA HA HA HA
Blonde Marley: wait the project was today?

Dorothycass: no, no, no, the project just started today. I have a week of enduring this to go.

Blonde Marley: i cant stop laughing, ouch my stomach hurts
Blonde Marley: I will not kill you tho, stay safe young soldier

Dorothycass: HORRIBLE BESTFRIEND WTF.

Blonde Marley: WOW THOSE ARE FIGHTING WORDS

Dorothycass: YES BITCH WE FIGHTING NOW BECAUSE YOU WONT KILL ME.

Blonde Marley: I would be lonely without you tho :(

Dorothycass: now you’re being sappy.. But MARLENE WTF AMI GOING TO DO DUDE I WAS LIKE EYE FUCKING HER. I COULDN'T HELP IT.

Blonde Marley: wear shades, have the rihanna vibe in ocean eight, you did just get your hair braided.

Dorothycass: NO.
Dorothycass: than she will know i’m down bad.

Blonde Marley: well fuck, oh my god what if she seen your expression and now everyone calling you a cheating whore

Dorothycass: geez i love when you trigger my SOCIAL ANXIETY.

Blonde Marley: sorry……..
Blonde Marley: she probably didn’t even notice your eyes fucking her.

Dorothycass: i’m drinking bleach goodbye

Blonde Marley: im poor pls dont die yet

he artist, the whore, the drunk and the nerd
(Remus, Barty, Marlene and Dorcas)
2:00 PM
Today

The Barty Father: who do I have to pay here to send a message to Lily and uh.. Fabian?

Rem Rem: what did Lily do?

The Barty Father: spread the regulus and me fucking rumor

Cass: It’s not a rumor if it happened!

The Barty Father: IT DIDNT FUCKING HAPPENED THATS THE THING

Marls: well now you sound suspicious

Rem Rem: are you sure its a rumor?

The Barty Father: istg you guys are lucky i’m not a serial killer, and don’t just kill you all.

Cass: what’s exactly what a serial killer would say…..

Marls: oooh lock your doors, hide your wifes, the barty killer is in the loose.

The Barty Father: …

Rem Rem: lol ok what message do you need to be pass along.

The Barty Father: why are they spreading rumors, that make me look like I want Regulus fucking Black.

Rem Rem: very defensive, but ok. Brb

The mischief gang 😜
Today
2:20 PM

Remus wolf in paris: I have a message to give to James Potter to Lily Evans, are we present?

Jameson: here captain

Peter Pan: gossip?

Remus wolf in paris: Barty said to tell Lily, why are they spreading rumors, that make him look like he wants Regulus fucking Black.
Remus wolf in paris: tell her to tell fabian!

Jameson: oh that sounds threatening

Siri Poo: he totally wants my brother

Peter Pan: tbh

Sunflower 🌻
Today
2:30 PM

James: my love, my goddess, my flower.

Lily: hey there, hot stuff ;)

James: I have a message for you mi hermosa

Lily: oh? From whom?

James: Barty Crouch Jr.
James: he said why are they spreading rumors, that make him look like he wants Regulus fucking Black and to also tell Fabian

Lily: I’m-
Lily: it sounds like hes going to try to kill me and fabian

James: I would kill him first.
James: nobody touches my flower.

Lily: i love you so much my protector <3

Fabian = Shrek STAN
Today
3:00 PM

Lily Loml <3: fabian we might die

Fabilus 🦕: HUH?

Love, Evan: oh my god for whaaaat for?

Lily Loml <3: this message is for us both, why are they spreading rumors, that make him look like he wants Regulus fucking Black from Barty

Fabilus 🦕: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Fabilus 🦕: wait whos barty?

Love, Evan: the guy that regulus is obsessed with

Regulus: I AM NOT????????????

Lily Loml<3: look you say that and regulus appears… like magic, are you a wizard Regulus?

Regulus: fuck you
Regulus: wait hes threatening you guys?

Fabilus 🦕: OH well he’s scary so.. I’m staying inside until further notice

Lily Loml<3: also we arent the ones that spread it….

Love, Evan: pfft, what do you even remember when drunk

Regulus: i’ma send him a wordy email

Fabilus 🦕: dude can he wait to kill me, until i finish my netflix show?

Regulus: don’t worry fabian, and lily and probably evan, i will save the day

Love, Evan: your going to suck his dick?

Regulus: DUDE.

Lily Loml <3: Lol my savior.

Pretty Boy
Today
3:15 PM

Ass Hole <3: Sorry pretty boy, I’ve been busy today

Pretty Boy: it’s okay, i’ve been dealing with stuff but i’m here now also

Ass Hole <3: yeah? With the jerk?

Pretty Boy: yes, now I see him more than ever and it's annoying.

Ass Hole <3: must be, i understand what you mean

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Subject: Stop threatening my friends, Crouch.

Why are you going around threatening my friends with murder? That’s even weird for you, also it was just a rumor whatever. It probably already went down because apparently you murder people. ALSO, it happened.
Even if its a lie and I would NEVER let myself be fucked by you. It happened. Just drop it.

Regulus Black.

Notes:

I promise. I am not abandoning this, I've just had the worst case of writers block and when I do get inspired... well I write.
anyways thanks for the comments - they always help me get motivated! <3
Come chat with me in Tumblr! You could find me as crimsonlovebartylus <3

Chapter 10: mission get bartylus together attempt 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Regulus POV

“What if he’s a psycho, just waiting to kill you.” Evan asks, laying down on the couch looking at him with a raise brow.

Regulus snorts, glancing down at his phone. “I don’t think he’s a psycho.. He’s different.”

“That’s so fucking cliche, even for you Black.” Edgar says, closing the door behind him and immediately making his way to Evan and scooping him up as if he weighed less than a grain of rice, laying back down with Evan now on top of him.

“Shut up,” Regulus mumbles, glancing up at them and groaning, “and you two make me sick, stop being so gay and cute in front of me.”

“Never.” Evans smirks, leaning down and snuggling closer to Edgar.

Regulus rolls his eyes, and smiles softly at his phone. “I wonder who he is.”

“Probably some psycho who’s trying to kill yo-..”

“No.” Regulus cut him off, looking at Edgar with his eyes narrowed. “The only psycho we unfortunately all know is Barty Crouch Jr, which he never replied to my email a few days ago.”

“Mhm, he’s busy obsessing over some guy on his phone.” Edgar says offhandedly, cupping Evans cheeks and kissing him softly.

Regulus raises a brow, “Who would ever be interested in him.”

“Be nice.” Evan points, muffled.

“It’s true.” Regulus mumbles underneath his breath.

Edgar pulls away, smirks a bit. “You, if you ever gave him a chance and spoke to him.”

“Absolutely not. I’d rather pull my own eyes out,” Regulus stands up, looking at them both unamused. “And also, I don’t feel like being another one of your friends' little prizes.” he says, walking away.

Edgar and Evan glance at each other a bit confused, but without a second thought about it - they continue to make out.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Subject: Idiot.

You know what? I wasn’t even going to message you back, but after heavy consideration and two glasses of hennessy later. I thought better. I never threatened your friends, which is funny now that I think about it because. How are you such an idiot and don’t see how quickly YOUR friends spread rumors.

And also for someone that continuously has to keep telling me, that you wouldn’t let me fuck you. Is almost comical, because at this point it sounds like you would let me – if given the chance by you.

I smell your bullshit a mile away Black. But I’ll tell you this, I did not threaten your friend and if anyone wouldn’t let anyone have sex. IT WOULD BE ME, they would have to pay me to touch you.

Barty Crouch Jr.

Fabian = Shrek STAN

Today

2:15 PM

Lily Loml <3: soooooooooooooo my birthday is coming up.. i feel like a party is in progress? shrek theme? LOL jk fabian

Fabilus 🦕: WOWOWOWOWOW RHATS WAS CRUEL WTF ☹️☹️

Regulus: I can't BELIEVEEE you would gaslight us like that

Lily Loml<3: you guys are so dramatic 😐

Love, Evan: lily.. you know they dont play about shrek…

Lily Loml<3: I love how we just derailed.. as if the most important thing isn't MY BIRTHDAY?!

Regulus: my love you are important
Regulus: but you just gaslight us…
Regulus: I need time to mourn

Lily Loml <3: you are no longer invited.

Regulus: WOW.

Pretty Boy
Today
3:15 PM

Pretty Boy: what to do when your best friend uninvited you to her birthday party?

Ass Hole <3: Lol what did you do?

Pretty Boy: GASP! Ass hole, why are we assuming I did anything bad.

Ass Hole <3: because pretty boy, i know your a little trouble maker

Pretty Boy: PLEASE, never call me that again

Ass Hole <3: little trouble maker

Pretty Boy: Blocked.

Ass Hole <3: Lol come back, I was jooooking

Pretty Boy: mhm thats what I thought, but to answer your question. It was a joke, she would never

Ass Hole <3: my best friend would never the only way he would uninvite me anywhere is if I insult his boyfriend.

Pretty Boy: that’s a good reason tbh

Ass Hole <3: It is but I can’t emphasize how co-dependent they are two each other, cute relationship the only downside is his cousin/roommate/best friend.

Pretty Boy: damn ass hole, you really hate three people huh

Ass Hole <3: No Lol he’s all three and a shit talker, but that’s a story for another time.

Pretty Boy: I can’t wait to hear the story
Pretty Boy: but I felt that because the guy I can’t stand is best friends with my cousins boyfriend and his big three as you know is insufferable, ass hole, small dick energy

Ass Hole <3: Ouch! Small dick energy

Pretty Boy: trust me… he gives small dick, can you believe he said he would never fuck me? Which fine it's cool, i wouldn't either but how dare he right?

Ass Hole <3: hes missing out bc if i could i would

Pretty Boy: oh..

Sirchu
Today
4:15 PM

Regulus: god i wish you remember how this guy looked

Sirchu: WAIT YOUR STILL TALKING TO HIM?!?!?!?

Regulus: yeah..
Regulus: hes entertaining to talk with…

Sirchu: you two are so wrong number core.
Sirchu: what if hes a killer?

Regulus: Ha! Well not like I know him irl do I?

Sirchu: true
Sirchu: you know who you would match with nicely?

Regulus: no.

Sirchu: YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHO I WAS GOING TO SAY

Regulus: still, no.

Sirchu: well, fuck you.
Sirchu: Remus roommate, Barty

Regulus: ew
Regulus: no.

Sirchu: you both have the same melodramatic aesthetic, you could be the next hipsters.. First comes Lily and James.

Regulus: i can’t believe you just insulted me and LILY, she would never call herself a hipster.

Sirchu: im going to match make

Regulus: ha
Regulus: me and crap pants, dont like each other
Regulus: so no

Sirchu: watch <3

Regulus: plus i have a small tiny winsy crush on the guy on my phone

Sirchu: great, you’re going to be the next episode of crime junkies - Murdered: Regulus Black, suspect: mysterious dude on the other side of the phone
Sirchu: also james has been dragging me around finding Lily more gifts?

Regulus: didn’t he get her the hozier vinyl? and stfu

Sirchu: APPPARENTLYYYY ITS NOT ENOUGH FOR THE GIRL THAT DESERVES THE WORLD.

Regulus: so straights

Sirchu: DUDE???????? I cant believe you called us straight - James

Mission speaking to Remus Lupin
Today
Sirius, Remus, Evan, Narcissa, Edgar, James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Fabian, Frank, Alice, Pandora, Dorcas, Peter, Xeno,

Sirius Removed Regulus from Mission speaking to Remus Lupin

Sirius added My Moon <3

Sirius renamed Mission Speaking To Remus Lupin to Mission get Bartylus Together!

Mission get Bartylus Together!
Today
5:00 PM
Sirius, Remus, Evan, Narcissa, Edgar, James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Fabian, Frank, Alice, Pandora, Dorcas, Peter, Xeno.

My Moon <3: what the fuck is this? What the fuck is a mission speaking to remus lupin?

Marlene: you’re asking the wrongs questions, what the fuck is a Bartylus?

Fabian: sounds like a type of disease.. Are we bringing the pandemic back? Oh no 😟

Evan: well the first part is Barty…

Edgar: lus? Barty is in lust?

My Moon <3: WHAT WAS THIS GROUPCHAT BEFORE?!

Lily: dude read the room..
Lily: it was sirius pining over you 😒

Narcissa: how do i keep getting drag to this?
Narcissa: how do I get out?
Narcissa: WHERE THE FUCK IS THE LEAVE CONVERSATION OPTION. 😤

Alice: Bartylus, Bartylus mhm…

Mary: Oh! Barty, we need to get him lust?

Peter: my phone is blowing up and im busy

Pandora: you making out with xeno doesnt count buddy

Xeno: lol panda

James: you know what who we should ask? SIRIUS

Frank: you all are dumb lol

Fabian: wtf?

Frank: Barty and the lus, is the guy that was removed aka Regulus.

James: Oh!

Mary: make sense

Marlene: well shit

Dorcas: huh

Lily: i didnt think about that

Edgar: Bartylus is so ugly

Evan: i agree, regulus is a star and regulus calls barty a killer so what about starkiller

Sirius: no. im a star.

My Moon <3: i literally lost my placement, but pining for me?

James: Remus, rem, rem, we are currently focus on bartykiller or starlus? Idk than we will get your lore

Pandora: so why are we getting them together?

Narcissa: i called it before sirius, regulus has the hots for barty

Evan: NU UH I CALLED IT FIRST 😐😐😐

Lily: oh shove off, it was me

Sirius: actually he doesn’t but i think they would work well.. Also hes talking to someone

Fabian: and now im lost again, if reg is talking to someone than why are we.. wait why are you? Doing this?

Edgar: just want to input as Barty best friend in the whole wide world. 🥰

Marlene: rebuttal 😌

Edgar: stfu <3 anyways, barty cannot stand your brother soz

Marlene: salty 😌

Sirius: well he could sit the fuck down idk but enemies to lover trope

Dorcas: sirius be honest, did you write wattpad? Bc remus hates wattpad writers 🤓

My Moon <3: I’m-

James: HEY WATTPAD WRITERS ARE THE CORE OF WRITING #justiceforwattpadwriters 😤

Dorcas: … who did you write for…

James: nobody

Lily: Zayn

James: LILY WHAT THE FUCK? 😃

Sirius: it was good literature writing and moony, you're a hater.

My Moon <3: I didn’t even speak.

Pandora: new lore

Mary: james write a fanfiction about regulus and barty ☺️

James: no?

Peter: you should about how their girth shifts inside him

Fabian: that’s so? Specific?

Narcissa: you know what, can we go back to matchmaking? Please? 😀

Alice: my girlfriend is about to throw up

Marlene: i’m about to throw up 🤢

Sirius: so, i think we should match make them because im pretty sure Regulus is texting a serial killer because I gave his number away because im pretty sure the guy had creepy vibes

James: did he doe..?

Peter: What guy?
Peter: wait, the one who asked for your number that one time? 🤨

My Moon <3: who?

Sirius: I don’t know
Sirius: like I was drunk as fuck 🧍🏻

Edgar: it’s funny because barty got his number given away from some ass hole at the bar 😅

Marlene: OMG HE TOLD ME LMFAOO 🤣🤣🤣

Evan: poor barty 🙁

Notes:

Hey Hey.
To whoever is still reading this crack fic. I'm sorry the update took so long, I fully intended to upload a chapter or two in April. But my life got a bit hectic with traveling and visitors and birthday parties that it ended up bleeding to May. As always I promised that I wouldn't abandoned any of my WIPS and well I am not.
I also was hit with the stupidest case of writers block and un motivation, and wasn't really feeling this fic anymore but than I realized. It's kinda funny, so i'm going to finished it and eventually get a steady plot. Per timeline, ya'll idk if its been 2 months or less than that, so for the next one it will be Lily party and a bit of a skip. <3
Anyways thank you for reading and commenting, and come chat at tumblr<3 crimsonlovebartylus.

Chapter 11: Chapter 11: idiots

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

1 week later
Love of my life <3
2:00PM

Love of my life <3: Hold up
Love of my life<3: WAIT A MINUTE. 😀✋🏻

Edgar, my love: What happened baby???

Love of my life<3: I just came into realization about something… okay, so i’ve been thinking for a while. Sirius said that Reg is talking to someone he doesnt know and you said barty got his number giving away… what if? That guy was… Regulus? 😨

Edgar, my love: what? 😐

Love of my life<3: oh my god.
Love of my life<3: keep up edgar.

Edgar, my love: I’m so confused 😔

Love of my life<3: what if the guy that Regulus is talking too is Barty? You were telling me that he was also talking to someone.. Right?

Edgar, my love: I don't think so..?

Love of my life<3: why NOT?

Edgar, my love: because that would be so cliche… like that shit happens only in movies baby

Love of my life<3: UGH FINE. 🙄

Ass hole
2:30PM

Ass Hole<3: Hey

Pretty Boy: Look who it is, for a second I believed you had died

Ass Hole <3: Lol sorry, I got busy with school and just being dragged everywhere

Pretty Boy: OH GOD I FELT THAT, I feel like my friend group has forced me into proximity with this man.

Ass Hole <3: the one you hate?

Pretty Boy: yes.
Pretty Boy: it’s starting to get annoying, because it's so obvious we don't like each other. 🫠🫠

Ass Hole <3: I’m sorry 🙁
Ass Hole <3: I understand tho, because same…?
Pretty Boy: our friends are ass holes.

Ass Hole <3: I agree.
Ass Hole <3: let’s murder them 🤔

Pretty Boy: I knew you were a psycho
Pretty Boy: I like it 😏

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Subject: I don’t like you (IMPORTANT!)

James insisted that I had to be the one to text you, but since I don’t have your number nor I want it. I’ll email you instead, with a reminder that this isn’t an olive branch and I do in fact NOT like you. Now we got that out of the way, James told me to ask you if you could supply the weed for Lily's party because their usual plug is dry.

Before your dimwit self asks me, “why didn’t he text me himself”, well I asked myself the same question and his answer was “I’m busy planning the party with my flower.”

Regulus Black

Mission get Bartylus Together!
Today
4:00 PM
Sirius, Remus, Evan, Narcissa, Edgar, James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Fabian, Frank, Alice, Pandora, Dorcas, Peter, Xeno.

James: Bartylus plan in motion!!!!!!😤😤😤

Narcissa: oh we are still doing this

Edgar: oh! 💀💀 thats why Barty just groaned so loudly and is angrily typing
Edgar: and mumbling about how this man is the vain of his existence

Evan: he fucking woke me up from my nap
Evan: baaaby kill him
Evan: or i will >:l

James: HELLO???????

Sirius: sorry i was busy xoxoxox

Peter: with your hands!

James: AYO! 🤪

Peter: AYO! 🤪

Remus: …

Narcissa: please keep it pg-13

Sirius: you’re the one to talk

Narcissa: BITCH?????? 😀😀😀

Fabian: wait hi
Fabian: I wanna know why bartylus plan was in motion

Lily: you just made james day

Fabian: huh?!?!?!?

Lily: he felt ignored
Lily: now hes dancing

Evan: im sleepy

James: BECAUSE GUYS
James: I told Regulus to text Barty!

Love of my life <3
4:30PM

Love of my life<3: text? 🤔

Edgar, my love: Email baby

Love of my life <3: hm my theory still stand than

Edgar, my love: highly doubt it 😐

Love of my life <3: than highly doubt when i say i want to fuck

Edgar, my love: EVAN??? COME BACK TO THE COUCH!?!?!?!

On Seen: 4:34PM

Mission get Bartylus Together!
Today
4:00 PM
Sirius, Remus, Evan, Narcissa, Edgar, James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Fabian, Frank, Alice, Pandora, Dorcas, Peter, Xeno.

Marlene: wait, regulus has barty number?!

Fabian: No

Evan: No

Lily: No

James: I never seen someone text as fast as Lily just did

Lily: no like he would have told us 🧍‍♀️

Frank: you three are the reason the fucking rumor came to be

Fabian: Frank stfu 🤫

Frank: make me

Alice: kinky ;)

Narcissa: girl ✋🏻

Alice: issa joke xx

Mary: so how the heck are you so sure that regulus actually did do it. 🧍🏽‍♀️

James: oh!
James: *screenshot attachment*
James: email apparently

Sirius: LMFAOOOOOOOOO WHAT A LOSER 😹😹😹

Remus: thats your brother

Sirius: yeah.
Sirius: STILL A LOSER
Sirius: god ima bully him 😹😹

Remus: hmm love me a side of generational trauma 🤪

Narcissa: RIP

Evan: RIP

Pandora: lmfao this is so funny
Pandora: cant wait for the party tomorrow

Lily: ME DAY!!!!!! 🥳🎂🎉

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Subject: re: I don’t like you (IMPORTANT!)

What did I do to deserve this? Why must you ruin my perfect, free you day. Your existence is like a banshee, annoying and loud. That’s your name now, Banshee Black.

Tell James, that’s fine and he doesn’t need to pay me. It’s a gift for Lily, she let me borrow her hozier vinyl so I owe her.

Now fuck off Banshee Black

Barty Crouch Jr.

Red&Black
Today
5:30 PM

Regulus: I deeply dislike your boyfriend

Typing…

Regulus: I hope he chokes on your plastic cock

Lily: okay we are feeling deeply about this

Regulus: i hope when he goes to el taconazo, they run out of carnitas

Lily: Regulus!
Lily: scandalous
Lily: he just saw this.

James
Today
5:45PM

James: I can’t believe you said that

On Seen 5:45PM

James: HEY! DONT IGNORE ME. 😤😤😤

Red&Black
Today
5:50 PM

Regulus: idc
Regulus: he deserves it

Lily: hes very pouty because you left him on read
Lily: i didnt even know you had your read receipt

Regulus: i dont lmfao
Regulus: i only turn it on when i want to make a point

Lily: LMFAOOOOOOO god i love you
Lily: also your making the jello shots yeah?

Regulus: yes mam
Regulus: also idk how but me and evan printed hozier face into it

Lily: YOU LOVE ME 🥹🥹🥹🥹

James
Today
6:00 PM

James: okay now, stop ignoring me!!

Typing…

On seen 6:01 PM

James: ass hole 🫩

Ass hole
Today
8:00PM

Ass Hole <3: Can you believe I'm currently on a drug run?

Pretty Boy: at this TIME???????? 😅😅

Ass Hole <3: ofc pretty boy
Ass Hole <3: the later the better to get them drugs 🤓

Pretty Boy: lmfao what type of drugs…?

Ass Hole <3: just weed

Pretty Boy: I have never had to get my own weed

Ass Hole <3: Pretty privilege 1375849569%

Pretty Boy: siiiiiiiigh i h8 to agree but yes LMFAOOOO

Ass Hole <3: now dont make me jealous at the fact everyone gets to admire your pretty face

Pretty Boy: once again, i could be ugly

Ass Hole <3: once again, highly doubt it

Pretty Boy: shut up

A few minutes later

Pretty Boy: but why are you currently doing a drug run

Ass Hole <3: for a friend, they need weed for a party

Pretty Boy: oh!!
Pretty Boy: that’s fun
Pretty Boy: i guess we both are going to be drunk texting again :p

Ass Hole <3: why?! Lmfao

Pretty Boy: I also have a friend party tomorrow, well my bestfriend party

Ass Hole <3: thats funny
Ass Hole <3: its actually hilarious how our friendgroup basically decide to party around the same time

Pretty Boy: RIGHT?!?!?!?
Pretty Boy: the faith to drunk texting hm!
Pretty Boy: bleh i just receive an email from satan

Ass Hole <3: email?

Pretty Boy: yeah we email to not text lmfao

Ass Hole <3: consistently?

Pretty Boy: Jealous?

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Subject: re:re: I don’t like you (IMPORTANT!)

Wow! Have you considered joining the circus? Honestly, drop out of college. You’re a wasted potential, to be bo bo the clown. Wait… right, you are already a clown.

Also you fuck off?

And Lily let you borrow her hozier vinyl? What the fuck.

Regulus Black.

Fabian = Shrek STAN
Today
8:30PM

Regulus: I fear we have a traitor among us.

Fabilus 🦕: SHIIIIIIT he put a dot in the end, this is sirius!

Love, Evan: why are we still being punished

Regulus: ?!?!?!?!??!?!?! bitch huh ?!?!?!?!?!

Love, Evan: oh! Jk? not about the sex scandal

Fabilus🦕: us being blame still wild.
Fabilus🦕: considering that it was regulus fault essentially

Regulus: bitch what?????
Regulus: bffr
Regulus: out of all the people, you fr think BARTY?????

Love, Evan: sexual tension insane

Regulus: smd

Love, Evan: ew no
Fabilus 🦕: i dont knoooooooooow
Fabilus 🦕: the coincidence was coinciding

Regulus: alright chill philosopher
Regulus: as i said, we have a traitor among US.

Love, Evan: you?

Regulus: istg evan
Regulus: i’ll cut off edgar dick off

Love, Evan: SATAN?!>?!?!

Lily Loml <3: whom?

Regulus: YOU.

Love, Evan: GASP?!?! LILY?!?!?!

Fabilus 🦕: what did our almost bday girl do

Lily Loml <3: birthyphobic, homophobic, all phobics!

Regulus: GIRLL YOU

Love, Evan: WHAT SHE DO SPILL

Lily Loml <3: the fuck 🧍‍♀️

Fabilus 🦕: he always does this suspense shit

Regulus is typing….

Fabilus 🦕: point proven

Regulus: why you ruining my fun hoe

Fabilus 🦕: OMFG HURRY, I STOPPED FRANK FROM SUCKING MY DICK FOR THIS

Lily Loml <3: awww i love how tmi doesnt exist here
Lily Loml <3: maybe it should

Regulus: …

Love, Evan: bro

Regulus: fine jfc
Regulus: lily let barty borrow her sacred hozier vinyl
Regulus: you opp

Fabilus 🦕: THATS IT?

Love, Evan: huh that makes sense

Lily Loml <3: we are trying to be a union front friendship!<3 😍

Regulus: idgf????

Lily Loml <3: half the group is twisted together except you two 😍

Regulus: id rather die and be fed my own dick for lunch

Love, Evan: I vote for TMI

Ass hole
Today
9:00PM

Pretty Boy: my friends are all traitors
Pretty Boy: dont be jealous
Pretty Boy: i only like talking to you xx

Ass Hole <3: all of them?
Ass Hole <3: really?

Pretty Boy: hm my bestfriends
Pretty Boy: i have 3
Pretty Boy: i like my other friends but these 3 are my glue
Pretty Boy: yes

Ass Hole <3: oop, what they do?
Ass Hole <3: well pretty boy, i also enjoy talking to you.. A lot

Pretty Boy: my girl bestfriend let my enemy borrow some shit of hers
Pretty Boy: stop it lfgjkshgjksd

Ass Hole <3: TREASON!!!
Ass Hole <3: nope

Pretty Boy: thank you!!
Pretty Boy: i wish i could kiss you.

Ass Hole <3: you could if you wanted too

A few minutes later

Ass Hole <3: goodnight pretty boy

Notes:

Hi....

It's been almost two years since I last updated.. ALMOST, I didn't let it get that far. I had this chapter drafted for a while. But today I finally added the remaining 500 words.

and well here is my update! I don't know when i'll update next quite frankly, but i did have fun writing it today so.. might be tomorrow, might be a triple.. whom knows!

Thanks for the comments <3

Notes:

comment and tell me what you think, this will be slowly updated. I'll literally update when I have time. I am currently working on 3 WIP fics and this is like priority 3.

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Comments

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StarRatzz on Chapter 1 Tue 13 Jun 2023 11:27AM UTC

PLEASE. 20 CHAPTERS RIGHT?! IM BEGGING YOU PLEASE. ITS SO GOOD😭😭 FOR MEEE…..

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wolfstaraf (Guest) on Chapter 1 Mon 26 Jun 2023 12:40AM UTC

evan and edgar relationship is so cute wtf

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Seagull (Guest) on Chapter 1 Sat 26 Aug 2023 06:32AM UTC

This is so good wtf

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cowboylikelily on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Oct 2023 07:50AM UTC

1; I LOVE THIS SM OMG
2; Regulus hablando en español chileno 😭>>>

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Account Deleted on Chapter 1 Fri 15 Mar 2024 04:08PM UTC

THE NAMES! I can't.
No but the rosebones was so sweet!!!
I don't know what to say, not good with words, but it was amazing.

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StarRatzz on Chapter 2 Sat 17 Jun 2023 10:39AM UTC

THIS FIC 🔛🔝 BRUH🫶

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1. crimsonlove on Chapter 2 Sat 17 Jun 2023 08:29PM UTC
  
  It's only going to get more wild from here, they're all doomed specially regulus, barty, sirius, remus and the girls lmfaooo
  
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2. 1. StarRatzz on Chapter 2 Sun 18 Jun 2023 02:03AM UTC
    
    Please tell me it has a happy ending 😢😢😢…
    
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GodOfStory on Chapter 2 Sat 18 Nov 2023 10:34PM UTC

Bella: YOU GUYS ALWAYS FUCKING SPAM MY NOTIFICATIONS.
Bella: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.
Bella: FUCK.
* Bella left the group chat *

EVERY group has one of these;sometimes it's me,sometimes I'm the one to add them back

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StarRatzz on Chapter 3 Sun 25 Jun 2023 04:05AM UTC

Stop this was so entertaining 😭😭💕💕💕

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1. crimsonlove on Chapter 3 Mon 26 Jun 2023 12:47AM UTC
  
  hahaha thank you so much im glad! 😌
  
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Seagull (Guest) on Chapter 3 Sat 26 Aug 2023 06:53AM UTC

Update when?

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1. crimsonlove on Chapter 3 Sun 03 Sep 2023 04:07PM UTC
  
  soon, i'm already writing the next part 😌
  
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Seagull (Guest) on Chapter 3 Sat 26 Aug 2023 06:54AM UTC

Amazing story tho

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GodOfStory on Chapter 3 Sat 18 Nov 2023 10:55PM UTC

this was so chaotic I could barely read them💀

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bartylus<3 (Guest) on Chapter 4 Wed 06 Sep 2023 04:46AM UTC

THIS IS SO FUNNY PLS UPDATEE !!!!!
THE WAY IF ONLY THEY GET ADDED TO A GC THEY WIULD KNOW ITS THEM

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helen !! (Guest) on Chapter 4 Fri 08 Sep 2023 10:11PM UTC

THIS IS PERFECT OMG !!!!

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StarRatzz on Chapter 4 Sat 23 Sep 2023 12:43PM UTC

Theyre so silly its insane LIKE HOW DO THEY NOT KNOW THEYRE TEXTING EACH OTHERR

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GodOfStory on Chapter 4 Sat 18 Nov 2023 11:05PM UTC

they're so stupid I love them😭🤣

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StarRatzz on Chapter 5 Sat 30 Sep 2023 05:18AM UTC

this is so silly I LOVE EVAN AND EDGAR SM STOP..😭

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Callys_mikantasmei on Chapter 5 Mon 02 Oct 2023 04:34AM UTC

wait im confused😭 what did barty do wrong in the end??😭

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1. crimsonlove on Chapter 5 Mon 02 Oct 2023 05:07AM UTC
  
  oh my god, and i originally was going to clarify it - so edgar invited barty and barty invited marlene 🥹
  
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2. 1. Callys_mikantasmei on Chapter 5 Mon 02 Oct 2023 05:34AM UTC
    
    aaaa i get it now thanks
    
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SarkyLittleMonster on Chapter 5 Tue 10 Oct 2023 11:09AM UTC

omg this is chaotic and i'm loving it <3 <3 <3

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GodOfStory on Chapter 5 Sat 18 Nov 2023 11:19PM UTC

I'm so confused😭pls domeone tell me who's dating who and who's crushing on who and who's friend with who😭 so far I know the main ships are at it (bartylus,wolfstar and jily),i'm confused about the new ones

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1. crimsonlove on Chapter 5 Sun 19 Nov 2023 02:08AM UTC
  
  LMAOO 😭 okay so evan rosier and edgar bones are dating, they are together and in love.
  fabian and frank are dating
  narcissa and alice are dating
  peter likes xeno
  mary likes marlene, marlene likes mary
  dorcas likes pandora, pandora like dorcas
  marlene and dorcas are fake dating 🥹❤️
  
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2. 1. GodOfStory on Chapter 5 Sun 19 Nov 2023 01:18PM UTC
    
    thank you☺️ and everyone's friend except Barty and Regulus? which i'm guessing there's something in their past interactions that led to this
    
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westceres on Chapter 6 Fri 13 Oct 2023 02:16AM UTC

I need this to breathe.

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1. crimsonlove on Chapter 6 Fri 13 Oct 2023 01:06PM UTC
  
  i'm glad that this chaotic text fic gives you the supply to breathe 🥹
  
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