Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Looking back, Castiel understood that no matter what details were altered, they would always end up here.

Let’s start at the beginning.

(April 1st, 2011)

“I wouldn’t actually eat that bagel if I were you, Cassie.” Balthazar said, giving Gabriel a pointed look.

Castiel had been just about to take a big bite out of his bagel with cream cheese, so he gave it a whiff. Sure enough, it was covered in shaving cream instead.

“Oh, what? I can’t make my little bro breakfast?” Gabriel said, putting his hands up in mock surrender.

“Not on April fool’s day.” Castiel smiled. By now he was used to Gabriel’s tricks and torments. He had spent the night at their apartment, which was really too small for the two of them, never mind an overnight guest. Still, Castiel had stayed late the night before and had decided that driving home wasn’t a great idea. He didn’t mind missing classes if it meant being able to see Gabe and his best friend Balthazar.

He liked to visit Gabe and Balthazar. He liked mother henning them. The two betas could use an omega like Castiel around. He wasn’t much of a cook, but that was Gabriel’s forte anyway. He did, however, like doing dishes and keeping things organized for his brother and his friend.

Castiel was attending school at a Catholic College. He was a theology major, and studied breeding designation as it applied to religion. He was also going for his teaching certificate, just like his mother wanted. She would tell him, time and time again, that teachers worked great hours for having children of their own. Of course, she would’ve preferred him to settle down, get mated to a big, strong alpha who could provide for him so he wouldn’t have to work and just pop out pup after pup.

Luckily, she was back in Pontiac, Illinois, and he could do his own thing. Being out on his own and dorming on campus had taught him so much more about the world than his family ever had. He lived in the omega dorms, his roommate was studious young man named Kevin Tran. They co- existed perfectly. Kevin himself was quiet, and a little uptight, which suited Castiel fine. Castiel could be called the same.

Castiel gathered up his things and bid Gabe and Balthazar his goodbyes, tossing the bagel with shaving cream in the trash on his way out. He drove a short way back to the campus, happy to have his own car as he was now a sophomore.

When Castiel moved out, one of the first things that he did was find an omega clinic to get on suppressants. The drugs had come a long way for omegas, Castiel later learned in his gender studies class. They used to be dangerous, some omegas would go into random, intense heats and could become so insatiable they would die. Sometimes by dehydration, sometimes by trying to use objects to relieve the burning urge to mate. Other drugs that had been tested had caused permanent reproductive damage, rendering the omega, particularly male omegas, infertile.

That would be a huge disgrace. Even though omegas had equal rights, they still didn’t. It was still considered undesirable to be a male omega. But an infertile male omega? That was considered an abomination. Luckily, the suppressants Castiel took were safe. After decades of testing, they finally got it right. There were a few options for omegas. Castiel preferred the implant. It was easily hide-able, his was implanted on his hip, so his mother would never know. It was reversible, and it also acted as birth control. The only time it wouldn’t be effective is when or if he found his true mate.

True mates were uncommon. With suppressants, omegas almost gave off no scent at all. They were often confused for beta, which was fine with them, for the most part. Not only that, but it made their sense of smell toward alphas and betas muted, too. This way, they were able to choose a life they wanted, not one that had been pre-determined for them. Alphas were the biggest opposers. Then traditionalists, like Castiel’s mother.

Castiel made his way over to the coffee shop, where he found Charlie, a fiery beta who preferred lady betas, Pamela, an alpha female who preferred male betas, and Andy, another male omega who preferred female alphas. Castiel wasn’t sure what he liked, yet. He was dating a handsome Alpha named Dean, but Dean was moving next year and they still hadn’t had sex. In fact, Castiel had never had sex.

“Did Gabe get you good this morning?” Charlie asked Castiel as he poured himself some hot water and unwrapped a tea bag.

“He tried. Luckily Balthazar is my friend, too.” Castiel said, smirking a little.

“Aw, man, I was sure you were going to come to school bruised, glittery, or throwing up.” Pamela chimed in.

“And why weren’t you in class this morning, Cas?” Andy asked, they had agreed to meet in their theology class but Castiel had blown him off to stay over his brother’s.

“My apologies,” Castiel said, sipping his tea, “I was having so much fun last night we got carried away. Next time I promise to call.”

“Sure, man. No biggie.” Andy said, shrugging. He clearly didn’t take offense to it.

“So, it’s your 1 month anniversary, Cas, think you’re gonna give it up to Dean tonight?” Charlie said with a sparkle in her eye.

“Wow,” Castiel said, glaring at her, “Subtle.”
“I just want to know if you’re finally going to make the leap into the sexually liberated college culture.” Charlie smiled.

“I…” Castiel blushed fiercely. He wanted to have sex with Dean, he did. But he wasn’t sure what kind of Alpha Dean was, yet.

Dean had always made him feel like an equal, but there were definitely a few things that gave Castiel pause. Since Castiel was on suppressants, he had to go to the clinic twice a year to have an induced heat. They would give him a shot, and within 24-72 hours, a normal, steady, heat would begin. On campus there were rooms designated specifically for this purpose. All you needed to do was check yourself in with your favorite fake knots, and that was that until it subsided. Nurses would come around and change sheets, feed, and sometimes even bathe omegas. It was wonderful.

During one of these induced heats, Dean had shown up just as Castiel was gathering his toys to go into the heat area. Dean had shoved him up against his dorm wall, licking and nipping at Castiel’s throat. He kept whispering soft things that made Castiel very wet. “I can give you something better than that toy, Cas. I can fuck the heat right out of you.”

And Castiel wanted to. He really did, and he almost let him, if it weren’t for Kevin returning and yelling at Dean to leave. That heat lasted almost a week. When it ended, Cas was glad he hadn’t let his first time be so horribly needy, and he knew he wouldn’t have enjoyed the knowledge that Dean couldn’t control himself. It was a character thing.

“Well?” Charlie asked.

“Um. I think… It might be… I don’t know.” Castiel buried his face in his hands.

“You could always ask him not to knot you.” Pamela said, unamused by the conversation.

Charlie gave him a sympathetic look. “Don’t do anything you’re not ready for, okay?”

“Okay.” Castiel agreed, and luckily, the subject was dropped.

*********************************

Castiel pulled grabbed his trench coat when he got a text from Dean saying he was right outside. He practically ran down the stairs, he was so exited.

He approached the big, black car and he looked inside to see Dean loudly singing and pretending that the steering wheel was a drum. His short, spiked hair not moving at all as he head-banged his way through the chorus.

Castiel smiled, blushing a little. Dean was so fun. More fun than anyone Cas knew. He was sweet, and funny, and very honest. Everything Castiel could want.

He opened the door and was greeted with a peck on the lips. “Hey babe.” Dean greeted.

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel smiled. Dean had told him to dress nice, so he wore a sweater with some dress pants that made his butt look exceptional. At least that’s what Pam told him. He probably looked more like he was a tax accountant than a 20 year old going out for dinner with his boyfriend, but he didn’t care.

Dean had cleaned up as well, wearing dress pants and a nice button down, though he rolled the sleeves up and kept the collar of his leather jacket popped up. Castiel began to think about what Dean looked like under those clothes.

They arrived at a little hole in the wall restaurant not far from school and Castiel snapped out of his little daydream.

“Okay, so here we are. I was thinking we could eat here, then maybe go back to my place to watch a movie.” Dean smiled, and Cas knew “Watch a movie” was code for a heavy duty makeup session.

They ate in silence for the most part, Castiel struggling with the desire to sleep with Dean and the part of him that wished to remain chaste. There was an obvious tension, but the way Dean kept looking at him made him want to melt. After they finished the meal, Dean decided not to prolong the awkwardness.

“How about we do dessert to go? I know you love Cheesecake and I’m definitely grabbing a slice of that cherry pie.” Dean smiled, reassuringly.

“That sounds lovely.” Castiel said, blushing as Dean took his hand.

“Relax, okay? We’re here to have a good time. Nothing is gonna happen without your say-so.” Dean leaned over and gave Cas a kiss. It was sweet, but there was an underlying roughness to it.

“Okay, Dean. Let’s go back to your place.” Castiel said.

******************

As soon as they were through the front door, they were on each other. Dean biting and nipping at Castiel’s lips, his neck, his nipples.

It was’t even a conscious decision, Castiel baring his neck for Dean, he was just doing it, and Dean was sucking dark bruises on to the skin there. Dean pushed Castiel against the wall, thumbs running soothing circles over his hips as he ravaged Cas’ mouth. Cas knew he could feel the implant.

“Let’s move this to the bedroom, Dean.” Castiel said, still feeling nervous, but ready too.
“Are you sure? I can wait. I’m not going to do anything you don’t want.”

“I want you, Dean. I do, I’m just not sure if I’m ready for…” Castiel trailed off, hoping that Dean understood.

“It’s okay. I’m gonna take care of you. I promise.” Dean assured, and that as all Cas needed.

Dean led him to the bed and immediately, instinctually, Cas laid down. Dean was on top of him quickly, shoving his tongue inside of Cas’ mouth to explore every inch of the omega he could find.

Dean started slowly, rubbing Cas’ nipples to hard peaks, then lifting his shirt off so that he could attack them with his tongue and teeth. Castiel gasped, and Dean moved his jaw quickly as he was latched to Castiel’s nipple, sending every nerve on alert and vibrations through each one.

Cas was so focused on the pleasure Dean was drawing from his chest that he didn’t even notice when Dean reached down, until his hand was already on Castiel’s cock. Castiel mewled in pleasure as Dean began stroking him, twisting slightly. Then Castiel’s pants were off, as Dean undid his own.

Castiel grabbed Dean’s shirt and expertly undid each button, and finally they were naked. Castiel took a moment to examine Dean’s body. He was tanned, muscular, and his cock was much larger than Castiel’s. Castiel wasn’t sure he would be able to handle such girth, and worried momentarily at how much it would hurt.

As if sensing his apprehension, Dean continued his ministrations on Castiel. “Shh, it’s okay, babe. I’m gonna make sure this feels amazing for you, too, okay?”

Between pants of breath, Castiel nodded, suddenly feeling a breech at his entrance. He realized how wet he must actually be, as Dean slid a finger in and out of him in time with his other hand on the omega’s cock.

Soon, another finger was added, this time with a little more effort. Dean began scissoring him open, preparing him to take the alpha’s big cock. When Dean curled his finger and let it slide along Castiel’s walls, Castiel saw white. “Ah, Dean, Yes, Oh!” Was all Castiel could say, and kept repeating as Dean teased the spot inside of him.

Then suddenly, the fingers were gone. Dean lined himself up, shifting Castiel’s hips slightly for missionary. “Are you ready?” He asked, and Castiel nodded furiously.

“Yes. Please, Alpha, Yes!” Castiel said and Dean slowly pushed in. When Dean bottomed out, Castiel was digging his fingernails deep into the flesh on Dean’s back. His face was scrunched up, his dark hair matted to his forehead with sweat. Castiel made a few noises of discomfort, and Dean took back to stroking him to full harness again.

“It’s okay. I got you, Cas.”Dean said, desperately trying not to move until Cas was ready. “Just let me know when you want me to move.”

Castiel could feel himself grow even wetter as Dean stroked him. “Move.” He said, looking Dean in the eye. Dean held his gaze as he began to thrust, earning little “Squish” noises thanks to Castiel’s slick.

“Ah, Uh, Dean. Oh, Oh yes.” Dean was thrusting more erratically now.

“Oh god, Cas, you’re so beautiful. My beautiful Omega. You’re mine. All mine.” Dean said as his knot began to swell.

“All yours!” Cast said, baring his neck. Dean wanted nothing more than to bite him right then and there, but then Dean’s knot was catching, and he could only see white.

The knot hurt. It felt so good, but it was an uncomfortable stretch that Castiel had to accommodate, he tried to breathe, but his breath kept coming in pants, his eyes filling with tears at the burn. Suddenly, he didn’t want to be knotted.

“Dean! Wa- Wait…” Castiel began as Dean gave Castiel’s cock a final twist just as he hit the sweet spot inside him and Castiel was coming with a scream, shooting hot spurts of come between them.

Dean was already there, coming as Castiel did, knotting him with a final grunt. Dean hadn’t realized, but instead of biting Castiel, he had sucked a giant bruise onto the tender skin of his neck, right where he would mark him.

For a few moments, they laid there in silence. Dean collapsed on top of Cas. When Dean lifted himself up, careful not to tug on the knot which would be painful for both, he was surprised to find Cas crying. Quiet, sad sobs wracked his body as he shook beneath Dean.

Confused, Dean ran a soothing hand through the Omega’s hair. “Cas, sweetheart, whats wrong?” He asked, hoping that Castiel was okay.

“I’m sorry,” Cas started, “I don’t know why I’m emotional. I just feel like I need a good cry. And Dean?”

“Yeah, Cas?” Dean said, concern still lacing his eyes.

“I think I love you.”

***********************

The next morning Castiel woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs. His back ached, and he was pretty sure he had a pulled muscle in his leg. Not to mention that he felt like he was burning from the inside out of his hole. He shifted and groaned. It hurt, it was too painful.

Dean peeked his head in. “Hey sleeping beauty.” He smiled, and Castiel smiled back at him too. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m very sore… It hurts.” Castiel said sadly. He had heard that the first few times taking a knot if not in heat could be incredibly painful. He wondered if he had bled at all, looking around at Dean’s nice sheets.

“I’ll go get you some medicine, okay?” Dean asked, still smiling a little.

“Thank you.”

When Dean came back, he brought more than just medicine. He piled up a tray with bacon, eggs, coffee, orange juice, and toast. Plus a small glass of water and 3 painkillers.

It took Castiel a moment to get it, and when he did, he lit up. “Did you make me breakfast in bed?”

“Yup. I felt bad about last night, I’m so sorry, Cas. I didn’t know until it was too late and I just… I want you to know I would never intentionally hurt you.” Dean looked horribly sad.

“It’s okay. I should’ve said something before we started. It was just a lot to handle is all. I think the next time will be better.” Cas smiled. “But let me heal a little first. That… took a toll on me.”

“Of course. Umm, I hate to be awkward but… That implant, that’s birth control, right?” Dean asked, pointing to his own hip.

“It is.” Cas nodded.

“Good,” Dean said, and frowned.

“What’s wrong, you don’t want kids?” Castiel asked. It wasn’t something he ever really cared about, but he would hope if he and Dean might someday be mated that he would eventually want them.
“No. Absolutely not. I’m sorry, but that’s a deal breaker for me. I mean maybe someday, but not any time soon. Sammy is going to Stanford next year and I’m gonna to move out to Palo Alto with him. He’s my main concern. You know?” Dean said, still frowning.

“Right, sure. Well it is birth control.” Cas said a little defensively. He knew that Dean was planning to move once Sam got out of high school. Still, it hurt to hear it from him.

“Good. Hey, Cas, there’s something else I want to talk to you about.” Dean looked nervous now, he was biting his bottom lip in an adorable, albeit worrying manner.

“Yes, Dean?” Castiel was running through all possible scenarios in his head. Was Dean already mated? Was Dean moving sooner than expected? Was Castiel so awful in bed that he wanted to dump his omega ass?

“I was wondering if you wanted to move in here. With me, and Sam. You can stay in my room, of course, but you get along well with Sam… Uhh. You don’t have to pay rent, maybe just help with the grocery’s once in a while. You know, just until the end of the school year, when you go back to your mom’s house.” Dean shifted his weight from foot to foot nervously.

Castiel couldn't believe what he was hearing. “I would love that, Dean.”

*****************

Over the next few weeks, Castiel moved himself into Dean and Sam’s apartment. He was taking summer courses starting in May, so he just told his mom that he was living with some friends, since the dorms would be closed. It was woking out perfectly. Castiel even got a job at a coffee shop, which kept him busy enough when Dean wasn’t around.

Dean worked 2 jobs, he was a mechanic during the day and a bartender at night. The only day he had off was Sunday, but Castiel didn’t mind. He was occupied with his studies and job. Sam went to the local high school. It was his senior year, and he had already gotten a full ride to Stanford for pre-law. Unfortunately, the full ride didn’t include room and board, so instead Dean had agreed to move out there with him. It was cheaper to just go along, and that way Dean could be there for Sam, taking care of him, just like always.

Dean was sad that he would have to leave Cas, but he figured in a few years once Cas graduated, they could maybe get back together.

Then Cas had to go and tell Dean he loved him.

Dean wanted Cas, he was beginning to think that perhaps they were meant to be mates, but that was so unlikely. True mates was more of a fairy tale. Hardly anyone Dean knew found their true mate. Which made dating less complicated, but more so, too. But Dean didn’t want to do the whole apple-pie thing. Sam was his main concern, and nothing would change that. It had been what he had been working toward his whole life. Getting Sam to a better place, making sure he was taken care of.

They settled into a routine nicely. Cas would do his classes in the morning, then go to work. Afterwards he would sometimes make dinner for Dean, or clean or whatever. Dean would work all day and then head over to the bar, usually his shifts ending around 11. Sometimes Castiel would wait up for him, but that seemed to be increasingly less over the past few weeks.

During his spare time, Castiel hung out with Sam, helping with homework and chatting about silly things. Since Castiel had grown up in such a religious household, there were things that he hadn’t ever heard of. Sam liked to watch crime shows, especially real cases like “Snapped.” Dean hated the real stuff almost as much as he hated the “no talent douchebags” in the fictional shows. Still, Castiel would catch Dean watching “Dr. Sexy, MD” occasionally.

Still their lives formed around each other. Then Castiel had taken on an extra credit assignment, and it seemed as if he was more tired than anything. He would fall asleep with his face in a book, sometimes he would nap for hours on end, only to wake up, eat, and go back to sleep again.

(June 9th, 2011)

“Hey Cas?” Dean asked one day, smiling at the Omega who looked like he could fall asleep standing up. It was the beginning of slow season at the bar, now that all the college kids had gone home, so his boss, Ellen, had cut his hours to only working Mondays and Tuesdays and then Friday. To be honest, he didn’t mind the extra time off. It was early June, but Sam was still in school until the 17th. Dean liked being able to spend more time with Castiel alone, since it was slow and his hours were cut at the coffee shop, too.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I’ve just been exhausted lately.” Cas said, frowning. It was only 4 in the afternoon and Dean had told Cas to get dressed so they could go out to dinner.

“Well, how about this, how about I make you dinner and we can watch a movie here.” Dean smiled.

“That sounds wonderful, Dean.” Castiel said, sighing contentedly as he relaxed into the arm chair.

Dean fixed some pasta and meatballs. He hummed while waiting for the water to boil, chopping onions and peppers. At first, Castiel was put-off by the fact that Dean liked to cook. Even worse when he discovered Dean was actually good at it. Castiel had always been taught that Omegas were house makers. They served Alpha.

His mother, Naomi, had always said that God created Omegas to be pious and to live meagerly. Castiel knew that Omegas, specifically male Omegas, more often than not were subjected to cruelty and objectification. Naomi always said that it was deserved. It was their nature to denounce God and submit to their sinful ways. That only through satisfying their Alpha could and Omega be close to God.

Still, most prostitutes were Omega. Omegas were beaten, raped, and tortured. And for thousands of years, Alphas had the right to do so. Only in the past few centuries had Omegas been recognized as people. And finally, “Equal Rights” for all. They still had a long way to go, but Castiel did still believe in some traditionalist values.

Once the garlic bread was ready, Dean poured the pasta into the colander served two heaping bowls complete with sauce and meatballs. “Cassss….!” He called into the other room, which yielded no reply. “Cas?” Dean said, poking his head in. There was Castiel, sleeping soundly on his sofa, looking innocent and peaceful. Dean smiled to himself. He would wrap dinner and put Cas to bed.

The next day, Castiel awoke to a note on Dean’s pillow.

Hey Sweetheart.
Hope you’re feeling better today, don’t work yourself to the bone.
There’s lunch for you in the refrigerator.
Have a good day.
-D

Castiel slowly got out of bed, immediately grumbling as he neared the coffee pot and turned it on. Not that it mattered. He had 4 cups of coffee yesterday and still hadn’t felt awake.

He quickly got ready, got dressed, drank his coffee and brushed his teeth. He looked at himself in the mirror. He didn’t look bad, just so tired. He rubbed at his eyes. Sometimes he would get very tired right before his heat, back before he had gone on birth control. Perhaps it was just a side effect.

He didn’t have a lot of time to think on it, as his phone buzzed.

“Meet us in the shop after class.” - P

Well, at least there was that.

*******************

After class had ended, Castiel made his way over to the shop, where Pamela, Charlie, and Kevin sat. All three were doing summer session. Pamela because she flunked out of her Art Class, which was required for her major, Charlie because she was on the cusp of hacking into the school’s mainframe (for what, Castiel had no idea), and Kevin because all Kevin did was school.

Andy had gone back home, so he was quickly replaced by Kevin.
“I think I might be sick.” Castiel said, frowning. He felt like his eyes couldn’t focus, his head heavy.

“Symptoms?” Kevin asked, not looking up from his book.

“Extreme exhaustion.” Castiel said, rubbing his eyes and taking a sip of his coffee.

“Mono.” Kevin said, still uninterested.

“Mono?” Castiel asked. He knew what the term meant, one. But he didn’t understand how it pertained to his fatigue.

“Yeah, you know, the kissing disease. Mononucleosis. Otherwise called Mono. Caused by the Epstein-Barr virus, one of the main symptoms is fatigue. Also, you’ll have to watch out for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Its to Mono what Shingles is to Chicken Pox.” Kevin said, now looking at Castiel.

“How would one acquire mononucleosis?” Castiel frowned.

“Kissing, usually. Do Dean and Sam ever share drinks? Food? Sam is in high school. He probably was exposed years ago. He’s probably now a healthy carrier. As for Dean, if Sam’s had it, Dean probably had too. But, like chicken pox, you only get it once, usually. So Sam gets exposed, exposes Dean, who infects you.” Kevin finishes and Charlie looks impressed.

“True. I had mono back when I was in middle school. Worst 3 weeks of my life. i slept the entire time. Though I knew a girl who was basically asleep for 2 months when she caught it.” Charlie piped in.

“I had it for like a week, but my spleen got really big and started pushing on my kidneys. I thought I had a UTI, but it turns out the pain was caused by my enlarged spleen.” Pamela said.

“You should go to the campus clinic. They have to do a blood test to find out, but better safe than sorry.” Charlie smiled.

Castiel checked his watch, “What time are they open until?”

As it turned out, they were open late and Charlie and Castiel set out for the clinic. The nurse, a pretty young beta named Ava, drew Castiel’s blood and sweetly told them that the results would be available in about 45 minutes.

They decided to go next door to a cafe to wait, grabbing another coffee for Castiel and a muffin for Charlie.

“I was looking up your symptoms on web md on my phone, it looks like they fit to a T for mono or chronic fatigue syndrome.” Charlie said conversationally.

“And what is the treatment?” Castiel asked, sipping his black coffee.

“There isn’t one. It’s a virus. Just plenty of rest and it usually blows over in a few weeks to a few months.” She smiled.

“Ugh… But I’m so tired. I’ve been too tired to even… BE with Dean. He keeps trying, but I just fall asleep. Last night he made me dinner and I could;t even stay awake for it.” Cas said miserably. “Please don’t tell Pam…”

Charlie hugged Castiel, pity in her eyes. “It’s okay, it won’t be forever. Once you can say for sure it’s mono then you can tell Dean. I bet he’ll take care of you. And I mean that in every way possible.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“Thanks.” He said humorlessly, “Think it’s been 45 minutes yet?”

“Probably about. Lets go.”

They headed back to the clinic where instead of Ava, they were met with kind looking Alpha Female named Dr. Mills. Castiel knew they wouldn’t send in a doctor for delivering an untreatable diagnosis of something so common as mono.

“Castiel,” She smiled, “Can we speak in private?”

Castiel looked over to Charlie, feeling scared and alone, but he nodded slowly. “Alright.”

Castiel followed Dr. Mills into the exam room. “Have a seat,” She said kindly.

“I don’t have mono, do I?” He asked.

“No, Castiel, blood tests don’t lie. You’re pregnant.”

Castiel stopped breathing. He felt as if his whole world stopped. He had pupped? How? He hadn’t had sex in heat, and he had only had sex one time. He was on birth control. He shouldn’t be. He couldn’t be. It was 99% effective.

“So the first thing we should do is schedule an ultrasound to figure out how far along you are. You can go to the Omega Clinic or I can refer you to an Obstetrician.” She said, clinically, leaving emotion out.

Castiel did the math, it was the 9th of June, meaning he was about 11 weeks. “I’m over 2 months.” He said, “Almost 3.”

“Are you sure?” Dr.Mills asked.
“Positive. I’ve only ever had intercourse one time. It was on April first.” Castiel frowned.

“Okay, so that would put your due date around January 6th.” Dr. Mills said, looking at the calendar on her phone. “Of course, that is only if you want to have it. If not, the Omega Clinic does offer those services.”

“Thank you very much, Dr. Mills. I’m not sure what I’m going to do, but I appreciate your time.” Castiel said, trying to be polite but feeling the sting of tears in his eyes.

“You’re welcome. If you want to head over to the Clinic, I’ll let them know you’re coming.” And Castiel left the room.

Charlie was waiting for him, her nose buried in a health magazine. “So we good?” She asked, not looking up.

Castiel cleared his throat, fighting a lump. “Uhh, no. I need a ride to the Omega clinic.” He said quietly. Almost too quietly.

Her eyes shot up. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I’m pregnant.”

Chapter Text

Castiel was exhausted by the time he got home. He had gotten his ultrasound, had his birth control removed, and picked up a few dozen pamphlets on family planning, male omega pregnancies, and even a few about termination. He knew what he had to do.

Castiel was laying on the couch, trying not to fall asleep when Sam and Dean came in.

Sam, a beta, didn’t seem to notice the scent Castiel was emitting, but he knew that Dean could. Dean sniffed the air, “What is that?” He said, hungry for more.

“What’s what?” Sam asked, with a confused look on his face.

“That SMELL.” Dean said, heading over to the Omega on the couch. Castiel woke slightly, deciding that he had to pee.

“Oh, Hello, Sam. Dean. I’m just going to go use the bathroom, then I think I’m going to bed. Dean? Want to talk to me in the bedroom?” Castiel asked. Now or never.

Dean sat on the couch, watching Castiel carefully. The whole room smelled delicious. Like Cinnamon and Honey and that scent just before a thunderstorm. But bright too, like the first sip of a sweet champagne. It was overwhelming. Addicting. Castiel stretched on the couch and then got up, disappearing into the bathroom.

When Castiel was finished, he walked immediately into the bedroom. Dean was on him in under 30 seconds, pushing him against the wall and licking his neck slightly. “Dean,” Castiel breathed, he knew he had to share his news. It wasn’t fair for him not to.

Dean pushed himself, rutting up against Castiel. “Ugh, Cas,” he moaned, Castiel letting him attack any exposed skin.

“Dean, D- Dean, I need to talk to you.” Castiel said as Dean slipped a hand into Castiel’s sweatpants.

“Mhmm.” Dean said, grabbing on to Castiel and stroking him lightly.

“Ah, I- , Oh. No, Dean, talk first. I- I-.” Castiel tried, and Dean briefly stopped his ministrations. “I’m pregnant.”

“Mhmm,” Dean said, continuing the earlier pace he had set.

Castiel frowned. He knew Dean should have more of a reaction. “Did, did you hear me?” Castiel asked, worried.

“Yeah, you said something… and wait, what did you say?” Dean was still licking Castiel’s neck, fondling the base of Castiel’s cock.

“I said I’m pregnant.” Castiel said, now clearly. Dean was making him feel SO good, but he had to do this.

“Wait, what?” Dean said, stopping his work on pleasuring Castiel.

“I’m pregnant.” Castiel frowned, Dean didn’t look happy.

“Okay, so, what? You need a ride to the clinic or something? Need me to take the day off?” Dean asked, and at first, Castiel was confused. He had asked Charlie what she thought Dean’s reaction might be, as Charlie and Dean had been friends for years before Castiel met them. She was actually the one that introduced them. She had said that Dean could be hard headed, but she thought he would come around to the idea. Now Castiel wasn’t so sure.

“I, No. I don’t think I want…” Castiel said, staring at the ground.

“Look, Cas, we can’t have a baby,” Dean sounded angry. “Look, neither of us are ready. I’m moving to California in the fall. Besides, you’re still in school. You can’t just give that up.”

“I want to have this baby.” Castiel said defensively. And he meant it, he truly did.

“You’re gonna ruin everything! Don’t get me wrong, Cas, I think you’re great, but we’ve only been dating 4 months. I’m not ready to be a parent and neither are you. You have to get rid of it!” Dean was shouting now.

“No! I can’t. God wants me to have this baby.” Castiel cried, hot tears streaming down his face.

“God? Seriously? You can’t do this. How are you gonna raise a child? Hmm? Is God going to help you out there? Why do you have to bring religion into this?”

“Because I am religious! I believe that God wants me to have this child, and I will not abandon it. With or without you!” Castiel yelled.

“Well it’s gonna be without! I’ve already got a family, and I won’t let some Omega ruin everything I worked hard for! I don’t even know if it’s really mine! I don’t want to mate you!” Dean yelled, going red in the face. That was it.

Castiel remained silent. Dean’s words lingered in his mind. Not only did dean not want the baby, but he didn’t want Castiel either. It wasn’t as though Castiel had ever really seen himself mated and starting a family. He did want to have a career, he wanted to do more than stay home and pop out pup after pup. Still, he wanted this pup. He wanted Dean.

In the time that he had been living with Dean, the thought of mating had crossed is mind plenty of times. Dean was a good Alpha, he could provide for Castiel, if need be. He was a hard worker, honest, and sweet. He was also nothing like Naomi had taught Castiel what Alphas were like.

Dean liked to cook, he liked the domesticity of his life with his brother. He took on the role of parent for Sam after their father left and was lost to alcoholism and an obsession with fires. Their mother had died when they were young, in a fire. Still, Dean took everything in stride. He was smarter than he’d ever give himself credit for, kinder than anyone Castiel had ever met, and wise beyond his years.

Of course, Dean was also stubborn as a brick wall. He was quick to anger, but he always forgave and apologized. He was an ass sometimes, but it was mostly a product of the hand he was dealt.

Dean smelled like leather and cardamom, with just a hint of citrus. Castiel wanted to curl up and die in the scent, now polluted with the rotting smell of fear and the sharp tang of anger. He grabbed as many of his things as he could and put them in a bag.

“Where the hell are you even going to go?” Dean said angrily as he watched Castiel pack. He stood in the doorway with his arms crossed, not moving to help at all.

“Away from you.” Was all Castiel said as he pushed past Dean and out of the apartment. Castiel vaguely remembered pushing past Sam who was trying to calm them both down, but he just cared about getting away.

Castiel pulled out his phone and dialed his mother’s number.

“Hello?” A woman’s voice came from the other end of the line.

“Hello, Mother. It’s Castiel.” He said, smiling.

“Hello, Castiel. How are you?” She asked, her voice already making him feel better. Naomi wasn’t the most pleasant of people. She was cold and clinical, and such a traditionalist that she saw Omegas so far beneath the other designations. Castiel had always been a disappointment, but a necessary burden. He could be made an example of, what male Omegas should be in a traditional household.

“Umm, I’ve got some news for you,” Castiel said, biting his lip. He knew his mother wouldn’t approve, but hopefully he could just go home. Fear flooded through his body. She may want him to give up his child, or to go away to an Omega facility to have the child.

“Oh? And what’s that, dear?” Her voice sounded cold, like she were reading a script on how she was supposed to speak to her children.

“I’m pregnant.”

There was a long pause. Castiel wondered if she was still even on the other end.

“You’re mated.” She said, breaking the silence, it wasn’t a question.

“No…”

“Then we have nothing to talk about. Whore.” And she hung up. Castiel sat on the sidewalk, crying. He didn’t know what would happen next, but he knew his mother just disowned him.

After a few minutes, Castiel called Gabriel. “Gabe?” He sniffled.

“Cas…” Gabe said.

“I need a place to stay.”

********************

When Castiel arrived at Gabriel’s apartment, he immediately curled up on the couch. The apartment was a one-bedroom, but it had a dining room that they turned into a small pseudo-bedroom and their minuscule living room became where they ate. Castiel knew that he couldn’t stay.

Gabriel was a comedian, and he worked in a factory making sheet metal. Balthazar was Gabriel’s best friend since they were in kindergarten. Balthazar worked as a waiter. Neither made much money, in fact, if either was to leave the other would never be able to afford to live on their own. Castiel knew he had to leave as soon as possible so as not to put so much financial strain on them.

Gabriel walked over to his brother, “Cassie… I talked to mom.”

Castiel just yawned and stared blankly. He didn’t really want to have this discussion. He knew what the status quo was.

“She said that she won’t be paying for your school, room or board. But we kind of already figured that much. She said that you’re not to come home… But Cas, I want you to know that I’m here for you and I’ll help you in whatever way I can. Balth too. He says maybe you could work in the restaurant with him.”

“Thank you, Gabriel.” Castiel said weakly.

“Tomorrow we’ll go tot he housing authority, okay? Try and find you something, if only temporary.”

Castiel nodded, and settled on to the couch to sleep.

The next day they took a trip down to the Kansas Housing authority. Castiel brought all the paperwork he had, pay stubs, proof of Omega status, proof of pregnancy, his IDs, and his social security information. There were over 20 pages to fill out. Once he was done, he handed them over to a sour looking Beta behind the desk and was told that if something opened up, she’d call his brother.

Castiel knew he had to do more, he had no medical insurance, and knew that if he didn’t, he’d never be able to pay for the services provided during labor and delivery, never mind finding an obstetrician. So Gabriel drove him to the hospital to fill out paperwork for the lowest-of-the-low state insurance.

By the time he finished, he was ready to take a nap to last the rest of his pregnancy, but he still had more to do.

He met up with Balthazar at the restaurant, owned by an old Alpha named Rufus.

Rufus was a mean-looking son of a bitch. Deep frown lines laced his lips and he always had a scowl on his face. Rufus walked over to Castiel, who immediately straightened and suddenly felt very small in the presence of this intimidating Alpha.

“So what makes you want to be a waiter here?” Rufus asked casually, almost conversationally, with a deep frown.

“I’m pregnant,” Castiel said, no use hiding the truth, “I’m due just after the holidays, I am unmated and I will work as hard as I can up until I give birth to this pup.” Castiel said, holding the Alpha’s gaze.

The restaurant was a decent size, and they had a refined menu. They specialized in Americana Cuisine, but way more upscale. Their burgers were made of fine ingredients, soups a la carte, and salads made of fresh kale and baby spinach. It was no burger joint. It was for those who craved (and could afford) Americana at it’s best.

Rufus looked him over, but remained silent. Castiel was beginning to feel uncomfortable under the harsh gaze. He waited for a response as waiters buzzed around, dressed with long black aprons and shiny black shoes. Even the waiters looked good. Of course Balthazar would work here.

“So the Alpha isn’t around?” Rufus finally asked, sounding wary.

“No.” Castiel confirmed, “I told him I was pregnant and… He wasn’t ready for a pup. That’s why I need to work. And I give you my word, if you give me the chance, there won’t be another who works harder than myself.”

“Alright.” Rufus nodded, “You’re hired then.”

****************

(August 22, 2011)

Over the next two months, Castiel worked and stayed with Gabe and Balthazar. He would give them money for rent and buy things like groceries. Still it was slow season, and none of them really had any money to spare.

The couch made Castiel’s back ache, and his muscles sore. He wasn’t really showing much yet, but he noted a roundness to his midsection and the slight tenderness to his breasts. He would have to buy a male Omega brassier soon.

Gabriel worked as a comedian by night, and by day he had an office job. Still, it wasn’t enough to keep food on the table, not with Castiel there. Castiel knew he was a burden. There just weren’t many options for him.

Then Gabriel got a call at work. “HelloOOOoooOOOoo.” He answered.

“Hello, this is Hester from the housing authority. I’ve received notice that there’s a Castiel next on our list and an apartment has just opened up.” A voice said over the line.

“Perfecto!” Gabriel said, suddenly feeling a huge weight come off of his shoulders, “When can he move in?”

“The apartment will be ready in about 2 days. It’s a studio, but it’s something. We’ll call later with more information.”

“That sounds fantastic, thanks!”

When Gabriel got home, he found Castiel in the kitchen, making himself some eggs and toast.

“So, little bro, your brand spankin’ new apartment is gonna be ready in 2 days!” Gabriel said, smiling brightly.

Castiel had just started to show. At just over 20 weeks, he was surprised. He had thought that he would show quickly and get very big very quickly, but only now would the patrons at the restaurant notice his belly. Unfortunately, that didn’t always make them kinder. Especially since he was still unmated.

“Something became available?” Castiel asked, trying to hide his excitement.

“Yeah, the girl on the phone didn’t make it sound like more than it is, but it’s something, right?” Gabriel smiled.

“Right.” Castiel said.

“So, Cas, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” Gabriel suddenly looked guilty, and Castiel worried what Gabriel could possibly be doing now.

“Alright,” Castiel said, guardedly.

“Okay, so there’s this agent out in New York. He’s seen my youtube channel and some of my stand up stuff and he wants me to go out there for a few months.” Gabriel started.

“That’s wonderful, Gabriel!” Castiel smiled and moved to hug his brother.

“The problem is,” Gabriel said, backing away from Castiel, “I need to leave in 2 days. And I won’t be back until December.” Gabriel bit his lip.

“Gabriel, you have to do this. Is Balthazar going with you?” Castiel asked, trying not to let his own anxieties ruin his brother’s opportunity.

“Are you sure? And yeah, Balth would come, but not for another few weeks. Are you sure that you’ll be okay on your own? I heard that Sam and Dean left for California already.”

Castiel knew that Dean had decided to move himself and Sam to California a bit before schedule, but that they would be staying with their uncle over the holidays. Not that it mattered to Castiel. He was fairly certain that Dean never even told Sam about the fact that he had gotten Castiel pregnant.

Still, Castiel’s body cried out for it’s mate. It hurt, like nothing he had experienced before. He longed for the affection that Dean would give him. He missed cuddling up and feeling safe and warm and content. It was truly an awful experience, and he couldn’t wonder if Dean felt the same sometimes.

Not that Castiel and Dean had mated.

Dean probably never thought about Castiel.

“I will be fine. But I will ask you one favor, I need a ride to my appointment today.” Castiel said, shaking all thoughts about Dean and loneliness out of his head.

“Totally,” Gabriel said, and they headed to Castiel’s appointment.

Castiel’s doctor was young, but he was an alpha. His name was Doctor Michael Eden, and he was the head of obstetrics at Holy Cross hospital. Castiel may have preferred a beta to take care of him, but Michael was kind and dutiful, never doing more than what was medically necessary. That and Castiel mostly saw the midwife, a beta named Meg Masters.

“Castiel Novak,” The receptionist called after a few minutes of waiting.

“I’ll wait here, little bro.” Gabriel said, smiling. And Castiel followed the nurse into the room.

“Okay, get undressed and the ultrasound tech will be here in a minute.” The Receptionist told him.

He did as he was told, shedding his clothing and putting on the paper gown. He looked down at his own body, swollen and stretched. He sighed, and climbed onto the examination table.
Meg and another Beta called Hael entered the room, and Hael began prepping Castiel. “I put this in the warmer, so it shouldn’t be cold,” Hael said as she squeezed some jelly onto Castiel’s belly. It wasn’t cold, in fact, it wasn’t unpleasant at all.

Then she started moving the little probe around. “Okay,” She said, “Looks good. Did you want to know if it’s a boy or a girl?” She asked.

“No, I wanted it to be a surprised.” Castiel said, he wasn’t sure why, but he wanted the child to be born to know the gender.

“Okay,” She said, and then made a face at something she saw on the screen. “Hey Meg, would you take a look at this?” Hael said, and it made Castiel anxious.

“What is it Hael?” Meg said, looking at the screen. Hael pointed to what she was talking about, and Meg nodded. “Okay.” She said.

“Is everything okay?” Castiel asked, feeling a little scared and very nervous.

“Let me go grab the doctor,” Meg said, and swiftly left the room. Hael offered him a small smile, but it didn’t settle his nerves in the least.

The doctor, Dr. Eden, came into the room and examined what he saw on the screen after giving Castiel a passing greeting. They spoke in low voices about something they saw that Castiel didn’t understand.

Dr. Eden nodded and then stood up to address Castiel. “Castiel,” He said, clinically, “I need to do an internal exam as well. Okay?”

“Alright.” Castiel nodded.

“Okay, I’m going to have you bring your knees up, then let them fall to each side.” Dr. Eden said as he helped Castiel bring his knees up and open them. “Perfect. Now I’m going to use a device so I can get a clear view of your cervix. But first we’ll just start with a finger.” Dr. Eden put his gloves on and squeezed a small amount of lube onto his finger. “Okay, are you ready?”

“Mhmm” Was all the answer Castiel gave before the finger was inside his body. It didn’t hurt, but it was only the second time that someone else had penetrated him. This time wasn’t as fun.

Michael then unwrapped a sterile instrument, it looked like a clear plastic toy gun, almost, with a handle and a long curved piece on the end. Michael slowly inserted the device and used a screw to expand it inside of Castiel. It made Castiel’s toes curl, not with excitement, but with discomfort and nerves.

“You’re doing great, Castiel.” Michael said as he used a swab to poke at Castiel’s cervix. It hurt, like a sharp internal pain, and it made Castiel whimper slightly. “You’re doing beautifully, just a little more.”

Finally the examination was done. “Castiel,” Michael said, “I would like you to meet me in my office once you’re dressed.”

Castiel nodded and grabbed his clothing, using some paper towels to wipe away any lube and ultrasound jelly that he found.

Once dressed, Castiel ventured out into the hallway, and into Dr. Eden’s office.

“Have a seat please.” Dr. Eden said.

Castiel did as he was told. Sitting uncomfortably after the examination.

“Today we discovered that you have a more complicated pregnancy than we thought. Essentially what has happened is that the placenta, which is an organ that attaches the baby to you and allows it to grow and get what it needs in terms of nutrients, has grown over your cervix.” Dr. Eden gave Castiel a moment to collect his thoughts.

“What does that mean?” Castiel asked, now very worried.

“It’s a condition called placenta previa, and what it means is that you will not be able to go into labor, as it could prove fatal for both you and your baby. We will schedule a c-section 2 weeks before your due date, however you are now considered high-risk. You need to stay off your feet as much as possible. Spotting is not uncommon in any pregnancy, but if you begin bleeding you need to get to the hospital as soon as possible. From the examination I’ve determined that your cervix is still pretty firm, but you need to take it easy. Ideally, I’d like you to be on bedrest for the last 2 months of your pregnancy.”

It took Castiel a moment, before the tears started prickling at his eyes. “I… I work as a waiter, sometimes 12 hours at a time. I can’t stop or I won’t be able to provide for this child once it is born. I’ll be homeless.” Castiel let the tears flow freely now. He couldn’t catch a break.

Michael’s eyes turned sympathetic, “I’m so sorry Castiel. I want you to take it easy. See if you can work for no longer than 5 hours at a time and then take an hour break where you put your feet up. But if the condition worsens, I insist that you stop working altogether. For your health and the baby’s.”

Castiel nodded solemnly. “Thank you Dr. Eden.” And Castiel got up and left the room to find Gabriel waiting.

Once they got to the car, Gabriel decided to break the silence. “So how’d it go?”

“I have a condition. It means I have to have a c-section. The baby will be born on the 22 of December.” Castiel said, without inflection.

“What kind of condition?” Gabriel asked.

“I have what’s called placenta previa. It means that I need to take it easy. I’ll be fine.” Castiel frowned.

“Maybe I shouldn’t take that gig, then. I don’t want to leave you here by yourself if you need me.”

“No, Gabriel. You need to take that job. It’s the most important decision of your career, I am an adult, I can take care of myself. Please. Don’t put your life on hold because of your screw-up brother.” Castiel frowned.

“You’re not a screw up, bro. You just fell in love with the wrong Alpha. You’re going to be a great parent.”

“I want you to go, Gabriel. Go or I’ll leave and you won’t have to worry about the decision.”

“Okay. We’ll talk about it later. At least you’ve got the apartment, right?”

“Right.”

(August 23, 2011)

The next few days passed quickly and Balthazar, Gabriel, and Castiel packed up all of Castiel’s things and fit them into the car. He didn’t have much, not even a bed or a dining room table, but he did have a computer and a bunch of blankets. It was a start. They stopped by the housing authority to grab the key.

Once they arrived at the building, it wasn’t anything like they expected. It was run-down, the cast iron gate broken in places that made it difficult to move. The brick looked faded and there was graffiti all over the outer walls depicting vulgar and hateful things. “Omega Whores” was one that caught Castiel’s eye.

The stairs up were no better. Horrible things being written on the walls of the stairwell, carved into the railings and giving Castiel an uneasy feeling. When they got up to the third level, Castiel’s level, he stopped in front of the door. Apartment 18.

He put they key in the lock and slowly opened the door.

It wasn’t as bad was the rest of the building, but it still wasn’t great. It was a studio apartment, meaning that the bedroom and the kitchen were connected, only separated by a half wall. It was small, Castiel wasn’t sure how he could fit a bed and a crib, but he’d manage. He didn’t have a lot of stuff anyways. They unpacked what they could. Castiel had a shelving unit that he used in his dorm and the closet was spacious enough for his clothing. Though, he thought sadly, soon none of those clothes would even fit him.

Once they were mostly unpacked, Gabriel piped up. “So what do we say we go find you a bed, huh?”

“Sounds good, Gabriel.” Castiel said, “And go grocery shopping.”

Balthazar, ever silent for most of the day, decided it was high time he put his thoughts in. “I know a place, Cassie. But I still don’t understand why you can’t stay with me?”

“I need to do this, Balthazar. There’s hardly room in your apartment for the two of you. And Gabriel won’t be gone forever. I can’t live off your couch any longer.” Castiel replied, not looking at the Beta.

Castiel knew that Balthazar had always had a thing for him. He knew that he and Balthazar could live a good life together, and he might even be happy. But he also knew that he would never love Balthazar as more than a friend. That was just how it was.

“How about this, Cas,” Gabriel began, “Make a list of groceries you want and I’ll get them for you. You and Balth go and find a mattress.”

“That sounds good,” Balthazar said quickly.

So that’s exactly what they did. Castiel rode with Balthazar to a wholesale warehouse in hopes of finding a mattress. Next door to the building was a store for babies and children. “Can we stop in there?” Castiel asked.

“Sure, Cassie. Whatever you want.” Balth said.

When they got into the baby store, Castiel was overwhelmed. He immediately made a beeline for the cribs while Balthazar stopped to examine some onesies.

Castiel looked around and then spotted a beautiful crib. It was oak, and it was $435. Mentally calculating, he determined that with rent, food, and doctors visits, he could afford it. If he didn’t buy himself a mattress that day. It was something that he felt he needed to do. Something he could do to prove to himself that he was capable of caring for the life growing inside him.

There was a saleswoman hovering around, so he walked up to her quickly. “I would like to purchase that crib.” The Omega said, with a hand on his just slightly rounded belly. He knew that he didn’t really look pregnant yet, but that the third trimester was when the most visible weight gain occurred.
“Of course,” She said, and he followed her to pay for the new crib. Castiel had done a lot of research on cribs. Buying second hand was dangerous, as it was almost impossible to get the correct serial number to determine if it had been recalled for safety purposes. He felt better buying one guaranteed to be safe for his child.

When he returned to Balthazar, he had a guarded expression on his face. “Do not tell Gabriel that I spent my bed money on a crib. I don’t want him feeling sorry for me. I’ll make due until I can afford one.” Castiel said, threatening.

“Cassie, what are you going to do though? Just sleep on the floor? Come stay with us for a few more weeks. It will be okay.” Balthazar said.

“No. I don’t want Gabriel to know. I’ll figure out sleeping arrangements, but do not tell him.” Castiel said, anger flashing in his eyes.

“Okay.” Was all Balthazar said with a frown.

When they arrived back at the apartment, Gabriel was busy making spaghetti and meatballs and had bought a fold-up table and chairs at the grocery store. He had also, apparently, bought pots, pans, and enough groceries to keep Castiel fed and happy for at least a month.

Castiel walked over to his brother and gave him a big hug. Gabriel just smiled.

“So do you need help bringing the mattress up?” Gabriel asked, smiling as he stirred the sauce.

“Oh, well, they’re going to deliver it tomorrow.” Castiel said, staring at Balthazar in a challenge to question him.

“Okay, well do you want to stay with Balth one more night?” Gabriel asked.

“No, I’ll be fine here. I’ve got lots of blankets and I really want to nest.” Castiel said, fluffing a body pillow. Gabriel must’ve gone to Target for all of this.

Gabriel couldn’t deny Castiel his request to nest. It was important, especially for Omegas. Omegas didn’t feel comfortable if they weren’t able to sort their space accordingly. Even at Gabriel’s Castiel had rearranged the pillows about 80 times before he could sleep on the couch. It had driven Gabriel and Balthazar nuts, until one day they had found Castiel hormonal and crying into one of the pillows complaining about how he couldn’t get them quite right. It was heartbreaking. And a hormonal, pregnant Omega needed to fulfill their nesting instinct more so than any other designation, pregnant or not.

“Okay, well I’ve to to get going, then. Got a plane to catch, after all.” Gabriel said sadly. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay, Cassie?”

“I assure you, I will be fine. Have fun in New York.” Castiel hugged Gabriel. Balthazar took it as his queue to leave as well, muttering a goodbye to Castiel.

Once his brother and friend left, Castiel felt relieved. He began nesting, setting up blankets the way he liked to sleep on, and pulling out an old mat and a sleeping bag. it wouldn’t be comfortable, but at least his baby would have a place to sleep.

Chapter Text

(September 20th, 2011)

[Castiel]

His phone buzzed signaling the start of another day. Castiel groaned and looked at his phone. 6:32. He laid in bed for as long as possible, well, on the floor among the blankets for as long as possible.

By now, Castiel could afford a bed, but he chose to save every penny he could. He would need it to pay rent and afford food and diapers after his c-section. He read that it could take months to properly heal, where as most employers only gave 8 weeks, regardless of birthing method.

Still, Castiel would do what he had to do. If working in the restaurant didn’t pan out, he’d figure something else out.

He rolled over, hoisting himself up which shot a sharp pain in his back and down his leg. Dr. Eden had explained that it was called sciatica, which meant that the baby was pressing on a nerve in Castiel’s back, making it painful and difficult to move.

He was showing now, no longer did he look like he had put on some weight after too many years of beer, but he was rounded and carrying low enough that he looked undeniably pregnant. He rubbed a hand over his belly, hoping that Rufus had made chicken soup at the restaurant.

He padded over to his closet and pulled out a long black dress. He hadn’t been able to afford any maternity clothing. Luckily, there were a few t-shirts that were big on him in his dresser. Unfortunately, they were all Dean’s. So Castiel had gone down to the thrift shop and bought any flowey black, grey, and navy colored dresses he could find.

It wasn’t uncommon for male Omegas to wear dresses, in fact, some Alpha’s preferred it. Castiel had grown up wearing mostly dresses, as his family was so traditional. He could still hear his mother’s voice when he pouted about wearing the dresses: “You’re to be pretty. Alphas want pretty Omegas. You don’t question your standing. You are an Omega. You will always be beneath Alphas. This way, an Alpha has easier access to you if he should so choose to mate you.” She would say as she smoothed down the ruffles on his pretty dresses.

After a few months of starting College, Castiel had thrown away most of the dresses his mother had bought for him. He didn’t want to feel like just an Omega. He wanted to feel like a person, an equal. Sometimes it surprised Castiel that his mother hadn’t tried to get him mated before he left.

He made himself a cup of coffee, frowning that it would be his only one that day. He loved coffee. Plain, black coffee. He had acquired a taste for it his freshman year. The year he met Dean.

Dean had been working as a mechanic, but before he got the job that Ellen’s, a restaurant and bar that was also known as “the Roadhouse,” Dean had worked at Castiel’s favorite coffee shop. Well, it wan’t his favorite until he discovered that Dean worked there. Castiel would always get the same thing: Black Tea with honey, extra large. Dean had told him “You need something stronger than that, Cas.” And made him try every flavor of coffee that they had.

He hated french roast, couldn’t stand hazelnut. He despised caramel and mocha made him gag. Finally, when Dean was ready to give up, he had given Cas the coffee that he himself always got. Plain. Black. With a dash of cinnamon.

Castiel loved it. He was never interested in other flavors, though he did enjoy pumpkin spice occasionally, since it was so similar to what Dean made him. Now he forwent the cinnamon, that was only with Dean.

He sighed and slipped the dress on, now hardly able to see his feet. He had also bought a few pairs of shoes in the size up from what he wore as he was discovering that his feet were also growing exponentially. He tied the apron around his waist and headed over to the restaurant.

The day passed by fairly slowly. It was slow season still and all the kids had just gone back to school. Castiel was working a double, as he often did. He wondered if he would even get a break today. Not that it mattered. He preferred to work through it since he was prone to sitting down and randomly falling asleep. At least standing kept his blood pressure up.

He was feeling a little lightheaded, his pallor turning sallow and there was a dullness to his eyes. Everything hurt: his hips, his knees, his feet which were now swollen to double their size and growing impressive blisters from the friction. Still, Castiel worked through. He worked through the pain and the headache, worked through the dizziness he was experiencing.

A few hours into the second part of his shift, a group sat down in his section. He could tell by the smells that they were Alphas. It was a short man dressed in a very nice suit, a woman with bright red hair and a 1950’s style dress on, and a man with shorter lighter hair and an impossibly bright smile. He reminded Castiel of someone who did motivational speaking.

“Good evening,” Castiel said, trying to smile and hoping he didn’t look too clammy, “My name is Castiel and I will be your waiter tonight.” He smiled.

“And what sort of establishment is this?” The one with the whiney teeth asked.

Castiel didn’t understand. “It’s a restaurant, sir.” Castiel frowned. “Could I take your drink order?”

“No, no. I mean what sort of establishment allows Omega whores to serve food?” Teeth said.

The redhead laughed. “That’s true, Dick. We wouldn’t want our food contaminated.”

“Bring over your manager this instant you slut. We want to see if you’re on the menu, tonight too.” Dick said.

Castiel felt the tears before they spilled over. It wasn’t often that people got to him, but every so often he would hit a bump and get overly emotional. He scurried into the kitchen and into the adjacent office, where Rufus sat. By the time he made it over there, he was leaning on the door, trying to stabilize himself.

“Sir… I…” Castiel said, but then everything went black.

[Dean]

Dean sat back in his recliner trying to focus on the game. It was late in the afternoon and he had beef stew in the crock pot ready for Sam.

He heard the door open and Sam walked though the door, carrying a backpack that looked about 2 tons.

“You’re gonna need a wheel barrel to carry all that stuff in.” Dean said in greeting.

“Shut up. It is Stanford, what did you expect?” Sam retorted.

“Whatever, nerd. Wanna watch the game with me?” Dean already knew the answer.

“No, I have to study. But hey, have you talked to Bobby?” Sam asked.

“Nah, Haven’t heard from him in a few days.” Dean said, eyes still fixed on the game.

“Well he wants us home for the holidays, He said that he could use you at the garage. I guess Jo has been picking up the slack at Ellen’s since you left, and Bobby needs the extra set of hands. Said we could stay with him.” Sam said, frowning a little.

“But…?” Dean said, gauging Sam’s expression.

“But, I want to come back for the Holidays, but I think you should stay in Kansas.” Sam said, his eyes not wavering.

“What? Why?” Dean asked, getting annoyed.

“Because I have a job now. I can afford the apartment on my own working at the library and I can apply for subdivision through the school to cut my rent. And I can get a roommate. One that also goes to Stanford. You hate it here.”

“I don’t hate it here. I just…” Dean started but knew it was no use. He did hate California. He hated the way everyone dressed like they were going to the beach, hated the rich privileged ass holes that brought their cars into the shop expecting him to have it done on their time. He hated that there always seemed to be a drought.

“Look, Dean, Bobby needs you more than I do now. I still want you to come and visit as much as you can, and I’ll come home during the summer and holidays and stuff, but you’ve given so much up. Maybe you could start talking to Castiel again.” Sam said encouragingly.

Dean had never told Sam the true nature of their break up. It wasn’t important for him to know in Dean’s mind. He didn’t even know if Castiel had decided to have the baby, let alone keep it. It was a clean cut. Sam was Dean’s family, his only family. He wasn’t ready for more than that.

“I don’t know, Sammy. I don’t want you falling into the wrong crowd again…” Dean said, knowing it was a sore spot. In high school, Sam had experimented with drugs, cocaine, mostly. Which wasn’t to say that Dean never tried it, but when Dean caught Sam sneaking out and stealing money from their account, he knew there was a problem. Sam eventually came to his senses and broke it off with his girlfriend, Ruby, who was into it. Since then Dean has had trouble fully trusting him, and could be even seen as overprotective.

Their father had his obsessions, obsessed with taking down evil alphas, he had been a police officer. And a damn good one at that. But he never liked to stay in one place very long. A few years at one jurisdiction and he was onto the next, looking for the baddest of the bad to take down. It was dangerous, and it was eventually what killed him.

Dean had his obsession, too. His brother. With their dad always working late and sometimes not coming home at all, Dean took on parent responsibility. He sacrificed his childhood to make sure Sam got one, and when Sam fell in with a bad crowd, he had felt he’d failed. It wasn’t right nor fair, but it was what he had. And he did his best under the circumstances. He even dropped out of high school just before their dad died. He went on to get his mechanics license and started working as a bartender at night.

It was one of the main reasons he didn’t want kids. He had always been a parent. Sam had always been dependent on him. Now, with Sam grown up and ready to be on his own, Dean wasn’t sure what to do. But in a way, it felt like he might have a chance of freedom. Of finally being able to do what he wanted, when he wanted.

He figured Castiel must’ve gotten rid of the baby. It didn’t make sense for him to keep it, especially with Dean knowing about his Mom and how traditional she was. Being an unmated, single Omega at a Christian College was practically grounds for being disowned.

It was a thought that hadn’t occurred to Dean when they broke up. If he were being honest with himself, he did want to mate Castiel. But that ship had sailed. He was sure that Castiel must’ve chosen to nip it in the bud. There was no way he would be so reckless. He had school, and he didn’t have Dean. To Dean, breaking up with him was just to ensure that they kept the great lives they both finally had.

“I’m fine here. Besides… I… Dean I met someone. A girl. I wanted to ask her to move in with me next semester Her name is Jessica. She’s great, sweet, smart. She’s a good girl. Nothing like Ruby.”

“A girl?” Dean asked, shocked.

“She’s a Beta too, but she smells so good… She’s studying law as well. Mostly corporate Law… but she comes from a family of lawyers and doctors, look, she’s awesome, and I want you to meet her. But not yet. I’ve… I’ve decided to spend Christmas at her parent’s place.” Sam said, shifting a little.

“So we’ve only got another month before thanksgiving, am I gonna meet her at all before then?” Dean asked, now a little angry.

“Yeah,” Sam sighed, “I want you to meet her when she comes back with us for Thanksgiving. She’ll stay for a week and then go to her parent’s house. I’ll leave the week after, finish up school, and then go to her parent’s for Christmas.”

Dean still felt dejected, but he nodded. “Fine, but she needs my approval before anything is finalized.”

“Of course, Mom.” Sam smirked.

Dean just scowled.

[Castiel]

Castiel came to not too long after he passed out. He woke up on the floor of the office with a blanket over him and a towel beneath his head, with Rufus muttering to stay still and not squirm. The first thing he noticed was a sharp pain in his wrist. He must’ve landed on it. Then he noticed that his lower half felt uncomfortably sticky-wet.

He tried to blink the bleariness away from his eyes to no avail. He felt bruised, and he hated that there were about 5 people standing around him. A woman, Ellen he recognized from her restaurant that Dean used to work at, was petting his hair softly. “It’s alright, you’re gonna be okay.” She soothed.

Castiel let out a small groan. “Do you know where you are?” Ellen asked.

“I’m at work. I’ve been here all day.” Castiel groused.

“Castiel, now I have to ask, how far along are you?” Ellen said, still smoothing his hair.

“I’m 24 weeks…” He said. Frowning.

“Okay, have you been following your doctor’s orders? Taking your prenatals?” Ellen asked in her soothing southern drawl.

“I’ve been taking my prenatals, but I’m afraid I can’t afford to take all of my doctor’s precautions. I’ve… I’ve got a condition.” He said solemnly. It wasn’t something he spoke about much, not at work at least. He mentioned to Rufus that he may need to take breaks occasionally. But for the most part he still worked through them. It was’t worth not getting tipped to put his feet up for 10 minutes.

“Okay. Now, you’re bleeding a bit. Is that part of your condition?” Ellen asked, her voice steady.

“What?” Castiel’s eyes went wide. He reached between his legs and sure enough, the sticky wetness came back dark red. “I… I have to get to a hospital.” He said, trying to keep the fear out of his voice.

“We’ve already called an ambulance.” Rufus said from the corner, clearly uncomfortable with the goings-on concerning Omegas and pregnancy.

Castiel explained his condition to Rufus and Ellen as they waited for the ambulance. Once it arrived, the EMTs splinted his wrist and helped him on to the stretcher. He was still feeling a little dizzy, but being horizontal helped a lot. Ellen elected to ride with him, whispering soothing things to him. “You’re gonna be alright. Everything will be okay.”She soothed.

Castiel was grateful for the encouragement. Especially as his anxiety spiked. He still had about 3 months to go, and it was unlikely his baby would survive if born now. In fact the chance was slim to none. He thought about everything he’d left behind, his friends that he no longer had time for, his mother who would no longer speak to him, his education which he would probably never complete. For the first time in weeks, he thought about Dean, the only man he had ever loved. If he lost the baby it would all be for nothing.

If he lost the baby he would have nothing to keep fighting for.

The EMTs took his his blood pressure, which was low. And put him on oxygen. Tears streamed down his face, getting caught in the tubes against his it. When they arrived at the hospital, they wheeled Castiel in to the maternity ward. The doctor on call wasn’t his, it was a large woman with a sickeningly sweet voice. “I’m Dr. Missouri.” She said in a way that started to put Castiel at ease. “Dr. Eden will be here in about an hour. Until then, we have to figure out what’s going on in there so we’re going to do an ultrasound. Then we can get your wrist patched up, it’s looking like you may have broken it. We can get you some pain medication if you need it.”

Ellen, who had not left Castiel’s side, spoke up, “Doctor, he has a condition. Placenta Previa.” Castiel just nodded, rubbing his swollen belly as if he could make the condition go away by sheer force of will.

Missouri nodded, “Okay, we’ll get that ultrasound down in a few minutes, first lets do an exam.”

And once again, Castiel’s legs were up in the stirrups and the little device was being inserted into him. Ellen had asked if he wanted her to leave, but her presence was soothing, so he had asked if she would stay. She stayed up close to him, stroking his hair and whispering “Shhh” to sooth him as the device stretched him uncomfortably.

“Okay sweetie,” Dr. Missouri said, “It looks like you’re not actively bleeding anymore, so it doesn’t look like we’ll need to patch you up surgically, but I do still want an ultrasound.” She said making notes in her chart. Castiel felt relieved that he wasn’t actively losing the baby, but the grip of fear still wouldn’t leave him.

“So,” Ellen said once Missouri left the room, “Are we gonna talk about what this means?”

“What?” Castiel asked, tilting his head to once side and looking at Ellen with a curious look.

“You and Dean were together when you got pregnant.” She stated.

“Yes.” He confirmed.

“So, where is he? Is it not his, Cas?” She asked with an edge in her voice. Castiel knew that Ellen had become somewhat of a surrogate mother for the boys, she had even given Dean the job at her restaurant. Of course she would be protective of her almost-son.

Castiel said nothing. And he caught the flare of anger in her eyes.

“So you cheated on Dean. Castiel, I never thought you would do something like that, do you even know the Alpha that got you pregnant?” He voice was even, but Castiel could hear the disdain bleed through.

Still he said nothing, feeling tears well up but then not being able to hold back. He was sobbing as he tried to catch his breath. Why, he thought, Why am I even defending Dean?

When he finished sobbing, Ellen was no longer soothing him. “No,” He whispered to her, not looking at her but at his own hands.

“No?” She asked, confusion showing on her face, probably thinking he was telling her that no, he didn’t know the Alpha that got him pregnant.

“I never, I didn’t…” Castiel took a moment to catch his breath, then looked over at her, his blue eyes shining brighter with the tears. “I never cheated on Dean.”

Ellen’s expression softened, “Then why isn’t he here? Did you not tell him? This is really something he needs to know, Castiel. He should be here with you.”

“Yeah,” Castiel said, “He should be.” Thankfully, Ellen didn’t press anymore, just went back to being the soothing presence that Cas needed.

He got his ultrasound and Dr. Missouri and the tech spoke together much like the appointment that Castiel had found out about his condition. Then he was taken down the hall for x-rays, and his wrist was confirmed broken. He and Ellen waited in silence until Dr. Eden arrived.

He came into the room, clipboard in hand. “Castiel,” He said in way of greeting, but his eyes were devoid of emotion. That couldn’t be good news.

Castiel nodded in response, “Hello.”

“Tell me about how you broke your wrist.” He said, and Castiel sighed.

“I was feeling a little dizzy at work, then I had a table with a bunch of Alphas. They were saying things, rude things, and I got nervous and uncomfortable. I went back into the office and I guess I just passed out.” He said, frowning.

“And how long had you been working?” Dr. Eden asked.

“Umm, I was on the beginning of another 8 hour shift, I had just completed a shift before that…” He thought for a moment, “I had probably been working for about 11 hours straight.”

“Castiel,” Dr. Eden scolded, “I told you not to work more than 5 hours at a time, and to take an hour between if necessary, I’m not sure you understand the serious nature of your condition.”

Castiel frowned, looking down at his hands. He did understand how dangerous this was. He did understand that if he was too stressed or if he or the baby moved the wrong way, the placenta could rip from his uterine wall and cause him to hemorrhage. He and the baby could die. Or he would die, and the baby would survive, being thrown around in the system. Or the baby could die, and that would kill him too.

“I want you on bed rest.” Dr. Eden said. “Look for a new job where you can sit or work from home, but I want you lying down for at least 18 hours of every day.”

“I can’t do that.”

“This is a matter of life and death. You have to.” Dr Eden said, and then a nurse came in to cast his wrist.

*********************

[September 21st, 2011]

Castiel looked nervously at his phone. He was still lying on the hospital bed, where he’d spent the night. He had never called out before, never mind calling to quit.

Over the past few months, Castiel had saved a lot of money. Almost all of his tips went straight to savings, and he could pay rent for the next 6 months in advance, if need be, and still have money left over for groceries and diapers. He hardly ate, when he wasn’t at the restaurant. One of the cooks, Alfie, noticed how little Castiel ate, so he would pretend that he had screwed up an order or three every day, so that Castiel could have it. Castiel knew that Alfie was making him meals in his spare time, and occasionally, Castiel would bring Alfie a candy bar or a flower that he found as a thank you.

Castiel hit the speed dial number 4. He frowned at the memory that Dean was still #1. “Hello,” The surly owner answered.

“Hello, Rufus, it’s Castiel.” He said, his tone neutral.

“How are ya, boy? Did they fix you up?” Rufus asked, concern evident in his voice.

“Um, No. I’m sorry, Rufus. I can’t come back to work. I need to find a job that I can sit most of the day. I’m calling to resign.” Castiel said sadly. He loved the restaurant. He loved the way another waitress, Ruby, was always mean to him in a teasing way. He never knew he had it in him, but he was full of sass right back to her. He loved Alfie and his acts of kindness often with no recognition. He loved the busboy, Lucifer, who always wore a nice shirt and a bowtie just to clean up the tables. He didn’t want to leave.

“Hmm, I see. Well, I’ve actually got another position available here, if you’d want to consider it.” Rufus said, and Castiel thought by the tone of his voice he might be smiling.

“And what would that be?” Castiel asked, curious.

“Well, kid, I trust you. You’ve been an excellent waiter and you’re right. You work harder than anyone I ever met. So consider this a promotion. I need an office manager, someone who can run the accounts, and host in the evenings. It’s mostly clerical work, but you could keep your feet up and help me run things a bit smoother.”

“That- That would be wonderful. I can’t even put in to words how much this means to me. Thank you.” Castiel said, now crying.

“Don’t mention it kid. It’s a lot more responsibility, so how’s $15 an hour sound?”

“That’s… I- Yes. That sounds good.” Castiel said, shocked. It may not be as much as he made on a busy night, but at least it was consistent and fair.

“Good. We’ll get the paper work and whatnot squared away on Monday. Take the rest of the week off, rest up and feel better.” Rufus said, and Castiel relaxed back into the pillow.

“Thank you, sir.” He smiled. Ellen was sleeping softly in the little cot the doctor had provided for her. She had spent the night to make sure that he was okay. It was a sweet gesture.

Not 3 hours later, Castiel was discharged from the hospital. Ellen said she would call a friend to come pick them up. Unfortunately, when an old beat up pick up truck pulled up, Castiel immediately recognized the man driving. Dean’s uncle Bobby.

“Castiel,” He said with a small smile, “Nice to see you again, boy.”

“Likewise,” Castiel replied, clearly Ellen had debriefed him on the situation and Castiel’s pregnancy.

The drive was tense for a while, then Bobby seemed as though he couldn't take it anymore. “Look, you know that Sam and Dean are near enough to being my own sons, and I love them dearly,” The man started, “And if it’s true that you’ve got Dean’s pup in your belly, I’m sure you have your reasons for it not working out on both sides. But I just want you to know that I consider this pup a grandpup, and there’s very little that I wouldn’t do for family, you understand?” Bobby looked over to the now frightened-looking Omega.

Bobby was a Beta, much like Sam. He was smart, and probably lethal if something was to threaten his family. Castiel always had this idea of Alphas, Betas, and Omegas. He had been taught that Alphas provide. Alphas control, that they’re good at it. That they’re the smartest, fastest, and strongest. Betas, on the other hand are neutral. They have potential, but could never run companies or keep moving parts as well as Alphas. They were good with books, and there’s a saying that “behind every great Alpha is a great Beta.”

Omegas were the pits. Omegas, he was taught, were good for nothing more than breeding. He was told that he should be so lucky to find an Alpha who would fill his belly of pups and he could raise them by the dozens. He was told to find an Alpha with a good job, who could allow him to stay home and flitter about the house, cleaning, cooking, washing, nesting, preparing. Then in the evening, he was expected to take whatever the Alpha would give him. That always scared Castiel. He was once sent to a “Seminar” that his mother made him attend. It was all about pleasing Alphas in the traditional sense and in the sexual one. He was told to allow his Alpha to dress him (or not, if that’s what the Alpha preferred), to tell him when and how often to bathe, shave, or groom. He was told not to be concerned with his own pleasure, that the pleasure of his Alpha should be enough for him. It was frightening.

But Castiel nodded his head when Bobby looked over to him. Ellen, sitting in the back seat, gave a comforting smile. Ellen was also a Beta, and being around Betas put Castiel at ease.

They drove through town and onto a street that Castiel vaguely remembered, then realized he had never told them where his apartment was. Ellen, perhaps scenting his anxiety, spoke in a soothing tone. “We were going back to my place so we can take care of you properly. Dr. Eden said that he wanted someone to keep an eye on you and make sure that you’re eating and fending for yourself okay with your wrist. I was thinking you should spend the night. We can go get some clothes from your apartment later.”

It wasn’t an invitation he could say no to. She made it clear that wasn’t happening. He nodded as they pulled into her driveway.

“Ahh, home sweet home.” She smiled, Bobby came shuffling in behind them. “Now you sit down, sweetie. But your legs up and Bobby will grab you some pillows so that your legs are above your head, just like the doctor ordered. Want to help me make pie? You could peel the apples while you watch t.v.?”

“I wish to help in any way possible,” was Castiel’s reply as he settled on the couch and Bobby lifted his legs to put pillows under them. When Ellen came into the room with a peeler and some apples, Castiel looked over to her, catching her gaze. “Thank you.” He said, trying to put so much more into those two minuscule words. He had never been so grateful for anyone in his entire life.

“Of course, Cas. Like Bobby said, you’re family.” Ellen replied, then hurried back into the kitchen to prepare the pie.

Chapter Text

[Castiel]

It was finally feeling like life was turning around for Castiel. He spent most of his days doing clerical work at the restaurant, his feet up and his belly swollen. Alfie made sure that Castiel ate enough, which wasn’t as much of an issue, considering he was now officially into the third trimester, and wanted food almost constantly.

He craved sour. Anything sour. Rufus had even caught him sucking on lemons that had been cut for adding to water. Rufus had made a face, but allowed Cas to nibble on them as much as he liked. He drank gallons of lemonade, munched on the “touch of lime” tortilla chips, and even took to bringing pineapple in a little baggie wherever he went. It was gross. And weird.

He was finally too big to see his feet if he looked straight down. Unfortunately, this meant that there had been a few times that he had put on mis-matched shoes or socks unintentionally. Ellen always laughed at him with a fond expression, and he found that he really didn’t care, considering he usually took his shoes off in the office, since his feet were so swollen.

He had fallen into a beautiful routine. Get up (though it was proving even more difficult as he still didn’t have a bed, and his aching back and sore muscles screamed every time he tried to hoist himself up off the floor), go to work, go to Ellen’s, go home. Ellen had been wonderful, as had Bobby. Ellen insisted that Cas come over for dinner after work at least 3 times a week. She made all sorts of wonderful food and Jo, her daughter, was great company.

Jo was studying at the community college nearby. She was working on becoming a nutritionist, so she made sure Castiel took all of his vitamins. He didn’t so much mind the pre-natal or the multi-vitamin, but the iron supplement and the fiber was horrible. Those two came in liquid form, and he was required to take 3 ounces of the iron, and one ounce of the fiber. Jo would lay out 5 shot glasses, filled with his supplements, and Castiel would do them in succession as quickly as possible. She would smile as he tried not to gag. “I think I’m beginning to feel something,” Castiel would say, after he was finished. More often than not, he would be rushing to the bathroom as the fiber took effect.

Interestingly, Jo and Cas became fast friends. She was also an Omega, and Castiel could remember a time that he was jealous of her. He had met her over a year ago, the first time that Dean brought Cas home to his family. Cas could tell there was something there between them, but he never said anything. He just let it color his perception of her, which wasn’t fair.

Still, in this situation, she proved to be a better friend than Pam or Charlie, which wasn’t fair. They had their own lives going on, and he understood that, but it was nice to have someone to talk to about things. Especially another Omega.

Jo and Cas would sit and talk about anything and everything. “So how did Bobby and your mother meet?” Castiel asked after downing his iron supplements.

Jo smiled, but there was a sadness to it. “Well, I suppose Rufus was the cause of that.”

Castiel tilted his head in a curious expression.

“So, Rufus was once mated, believe it or not.” Jo continued, Castiel just stared at her, waiting for her to continue. “So was Bobby, before he met my mom.”

“What happened?” Castiel asked, curious now.

“Well, Rufus’ first mate had cancer. She passed about a year before Bobby’s first mate, to the same kind. From what I’ve heard, Bobby was a mess. He met Rufus by chance at the auto shop and Rufus started making him tag along to a support group. Rufus eventually re-mated.” Jo said, looking behind her to make sure that no one was listening.

“Rufus isn’t mated now, though.” Castiel said, stirring his coffee that had now gone cold.

“Right,” Jo said, “Well, Rufus and my mom had been friends for a long time. Rufus and my dad had worked together at a few restaurants, before he died. Bobby had fit into their group well, Rufus, his mate Angela, and my mom. So one night my mom and Angela had a little too much to drink and called Bobby to give them a ride home. It was late, but Angela was afraid it would cause a fight with Rufus that she stayed out so late. So Bobby went to pick them up. They dropped my mom off first, and on the way back to Rufus’ house they were hit by a drunk driver. Angela died instantly, and I don’t think that Rufus has ever forgiven him. Anyways, after Bobby recovered, my mom asked him out and they’ve been together ever since. He moved in when I was 15, and we’re a family now. Me, Sam, Dean, My mom, Bobby, and now you.”

Castiel frowned at his coffee. He still felt like an outsider. He wasn’t family, not when Dean had rejected him. “And how did you guys come to take in Sam and Dean?” It was the first time that Castiel had mentioned Dean without prompting. Jo saw it as progress.

“Well, had Dean ever told you about their dad?” Jo asked.

“A little. Just that he went crazy after their mother died. That he became a bit… rogue.”

“Exactly. Cas, do you believe in true mates?” Jo asked, and Cas frowned into his coffee.

“I used to.” Was his reply.

Jo nodded sadly. “Well, they were true mates. Mary even got pregnant with Dean out of heat, AND on birth control. At least thats what I heard.”

Castiel looked away sadly. Right, that was a sign of true mates. A sadness crept into his chest, and he could feel his nose sting with the threat of tears.

“Well,” Jo continued, “after Mary died John became a drifter. An Alpha without his true mate. He would take on odd jobs, ‘extermination’ mostly. He’d drag those boys all over the country. It’s a wonder that Sam made it to Stanford. I guess that has a lot to do with Dean, though.” She mused. “Anyways, their dad and Bobby were close. Bobby was more of a father to them than John. So when Bobby kind of adopted them, my mom and Rufus kind of adopted them.”

“Oh,” Castiel said, talking about Dean was hard for him, but Jo knew it was an opportunity.

“So what happened with you and Dean?” Jo asked, casually. Castiel immediately tensed up.

“I think you should ask Dean about that.” Castiel replied diplomatically.

“I’m asking you. C’mon, Cas. I promise I’m not going to say anything to anyone. I won’t think badly of you.” Jo said, taking one of Castiel’s hands in her own.

Castiel nodded. “There’s not much to say. We had sex once. I… I didn’t want… It was my first time, ever. Anyway, I started feeling tired and I went to the clinic. I was on birth control, and I wasn’t in heat. I thought I had Mono.”

Jo’s eyes went wide. Listening intently on what Cas was saying.

“I found out I was pregnant, and I told Dean. Dean got angry. He told me that he didn’t want to mate me. He said… I was ruining his life. My life.” Cas continued. He placed a hand on his belly, now rounded and big in the third trimester. “I can’t help but think that maybe he was right. I just couldn’t live with myself if I had gotten rid of my baby. Not because I think ill of those who do, but it didn’t sit right with me. I really did believe that God wanted me to have this baby. Now, I don’t know.” Castiel sighed. “I pray often, I ask for guidance, for strength, for anything to know that I’m on the right path. Anything at all. Yet, all I’ve gotten is more complications. I wish I hadn’t had to make the choice. I wish I didn’t have that free will.”

Jo stood up, and came to the other side of the table where Castiel sat. She wrapped her thin arms around his shoulders and squeezed. He didn’t realize he was crying until she wiped a tear away with her thumb.

“You know,” Castiel choked, “I still love him. I still feel the burning need to be around him. I still feel like a part of me is missing.” He let himself cry again, something he had been doing a lot with his hormones in full swing.

“ I can’t believe he did that to you, Cas. I’m so sorry.” Jo soothed. She was wonderful, and Castiel knew he could trust her with this information.

[Dean]

It was almost a week before Thanksgiving. Sam and Dean would be heading back to Lawrence on Friday, and Dean was feeling uncomfortable in a nice shirt and slacks. Tonight, he’d meet Jess.

“Are you almost ready?” Sam called into the bathroom where Dean was applying a little gel to his hair to get it to stick up just the way he likes it.

“Almost, jeesh, gimme a minute would you?” Dean said, giving himself a winning smile in the mirror.

“We’re going out to dinner, not to prom. Let’s go!” Sam teased and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Okay, alright. I’m ready.” Dean said and followed Sam out the door. He stopped briefly as he took a look around their apartment. Boxes were everywhere. The carpets had been cleaned and all of Dean’s things, save a few essentials, would be going back with him on Friday. It was bittersweet. Dean still felt he had veto power if Jessica turned out to be a psychotic bitch, but he was growing less and less confident that would be the case.

They arrived at the restaurant, where they’d agreed to meet. Jess would be coming back the the apartment with them, and staying until they left for Thanksgiving. She would have all of her things with her, and Dean felt a bit edged-out.

When the blonde Beta appeared, Dean knew by the look on Sam’s face that it was over. Sam looked so happy to see her, so mesmerized by the way she smiled back at him. It was love, that much Dean could tell. He was happy for his brother. He really was.

“Hi, I’m Jessica.” She said, and Dean took her hand and kissed it.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He said with a little eyebrow wiggle, and Sam rolled his eyes. “I’m Sam’s older, more handsome brother, Dean.”

She rolled her eyes at him and then went over immediately after to hug Sam. Sam’s scent seemed to change with her around. As a Beta, he didn’t have much of a scent to begin with. Dean usually caught the ginger-grapefruit scent from him. It was subtle, but masculine. Much like his brother’s demeanor. Jess smelled like jasmine and amber and a hint of pepper. Together, they smelled… complete.

They settled into dinner. “So Dean,” Jess said, “what are you planning to do when you get back to Lawrence? Anyone you’re dying to see?” Her knowing smile made Dean a bit uncomfortable.

“Not really, I was just planning on working through the Holidays and then maybe going back to my old digs. Why? What’d Sam tell you?” Dean said, not angrily, but curiously.

“Oh just that you were hot and heavy with an Omega who it took you months to get over. Maybe you could see if he’s still around.” Jess said happily.

“Nah,” Dean said a little sadly, “He’ll be going back home for the Holidays. His family is super religious and he probably has to observe them in some way not fun manner. Besides, we didn’t end on a good note. But how about you two? What’s the first thing you guys will do once I’m out of the picture?” He said, his cheeky grin appearing back on his face.

“Have lots of loud sex.” Jess replied, and Sam turned bright red.

“Don’t let him egg you on. He loves it.” Sam said to Jess.

“Okay, you two. Seriously though, you have my blessing. You found a good one here.” Dean said, and Jess gave him a winning smile.

“Thanks Dean. And please consider calling Cas. You don’t have to ever tell me what happened between you two, but whatever it is, you’ve never been more happy than when you’re around him. He completes you, Dean. I hope you can get over whatever it is and find your way back to that.” Sam said in a low voice and mostly only to Dean.

Dean frowned, but tried not to let his hurt show, “So, we gonna order, or what?”

[Castiel]

Cas had fallen asleep on the couch and Jo had dutifully tucked him in. Since it had been his day off, he and Jo had gone apple picking. Well, Jo picked apples, Castiel sat in a lawn chair in the orchard picking off the apples within reach and munching on them. Since it was now officially into fall and the weather was cool, Cas took to wearing oversized sweaters. Cable-knit were his favorite, and he would find the largest, longest, coziest sweaters he could and wear them at all times. In his apartment, he might only wear the sweaters, no pants and if the mood struck him, no underwear. Otherwise he favored leggings.

He was snoring contentedly wrapped in a large afghan blanket and his oversized cream colored sweater and brown leggings when Ellen walked in. Castiel hadn’t realized the time, or than Jo must’ve left around 4 for her night class at the college. He tried to blink the sleep out of his eyes as Ellen said hello to him. “Oh don’t get up on my account, rest. You’re growing a person inside of you, after all.” She smiled.

“My apologies. Jo and I had been talking and then… I must’ve…” Castiel said, still unsure of exactly when he fell asleep.

“It’s not trouble. You’re welcome here any time. This baby is practically a grand-baby to me. And I want to dote on you and the baby as much as the next soon to be grandmother.” She said, walking over to him and brushing his hair out of his face. “Speaking of which, what are your plans for Thanksgiving?”

Castiel didn’t answer. He didn’t have plans. He wasn’t even sure he would eat turkey on that day. Maybe he would get burritos. Yeah, Burritos sounded good. “I… Ellen I can’t.” He shook his head. He knew that Sam and Dean were coming home for the holiday. Castiel felt sad again. He felt sad anytime he thought of Sam or Dean, which happened a lot.

“Oh please, Cas. We can have a civil Thanksgiving. It’ll be nice. We’ll all get together, have plenty of food. You can even stay in the guest bed for the night in case you get tired.” Ellen said, she sounded almost pleading.

“I’m sorry. I can’t.” Castiel said, and Ellen nodded in understanding. Castiel gathered up his things, including a bag of apples, thanked Ellen, and headed back to his apartment.

When he got home, he looked around. Thanksgiving would be lonely, he knew. That was okay. He couldn’t face Dean, not now. Maybe not ever.

(November 23, 2011)

[Ellen]

Preparing for a household Thanksgiving was never easy. This would be her 6th year hosting it with their makeshift family. It felt good, but stressful. The turkey was thawing for the oven in the morning, the pickle tray was ready to go, stuffing almost all finished.

Sam, Dean, and Sam’s girlfriend had gotten in a few days before. Already Jo and Dean were at each other’s throats with Super Smash Brothers and Sam and Jess seemed oblivious to the world. It was cute, Ellen thought.

Ellen wanted to bring up Castiel to Dean, on the night that they had arrived, she knew he could smell the Omega’s presence. Castiel had been spending so much time with them. Dean didn’t say anything about it. So she didn’t say anything about it.

She mentally went through her list. Cranberry sauce was done. Turkey was ready. Stuffing was prepared. She had enough whiskey and beer to last until Christmas, even with the way the boys drank. She had wines, she even bought a bottle of sparkling cider on the off chance Castiel decided to join them. She had silverware and nice plates and she was heading to the deli and the bakery for all other essentials like bulkie rolls and a cake and… Oh shit. Apple pie. That was it.

She looked at the clock, Jo had gone out with Dean and Bobby and she couldn’t trust Sam to make 3 apple pies by himself. She’d be damned if she asked Jessica to help. No, there had to be another option. Pulling out her phone, she dialed the one person who had made Apple pies with her all season. She called Castiel.

“Hello?” Came his voice, confused as to why Ellen was calling him. He had made himself scarce over the past few days. She knew it had to do with Dean.

“Cas, it’s Ellen. Sweetie, I have a favor to ask you.” She said hurriedly. If he said no, it would mean she’d be up until all hours of the night making pie instead of spending it with the family. Besides, she missed the Omega. She took his silence as permission to continue. “I was wondering if you might be available to come by my house to make some pies. Dean is off with Jo and Bobby and won’t be back until late. I don’t have anyone else that I can ask and you make some of the best pies that I’ve ever had.”

Castiel felt as though he really couldn’t say no. He knew that Ellen and Jo were even in the process of throwing him a baby shower, they were family. Making a few silly pies would be no problem. He could probably be done in about 3 hours. That sounded okay. “Dean won’t be there?” He asked, still skeptical this wasn’t a trap to get him and Dean in the same room.

“I promise, Dean wont be back for another few hours. You can leave while the pies are cooking if you need to.” Ellen replied. She knew she sounded a bit desperate.

“I’ll do it.” Castiel replied.

“Good. I don’t want you driving so I’ll have someone go and pick you up. Someone who is not Dean.” Ellen said.

“Sounds fine. I’ll just wait here then.” Castiel replied, and hung up the phone.

Ellen was pulling into the Deli, still needing to go to the bakery across town as she dialed a different number.

“Hey, Ellen, What’s up?” Sam’s voice came through cheerfully, though a little out of breath. She must’ve interrupted some ‘alone’ time with Jess she thought with a smile.

“I was wondering if you might be able to pick someone up for me. I forgot to make the pies and he’s gonna help me out.” Ellen said, gathering her purse and shutting off the engine.

“Oof, good thinking. You know Dean would be a sour-puss all day if he knew there was no pie. Who do you need me to pick up?” Sam asked.

“Castiel.”

[Castiel]

Castiel woke that morning feeling generally awful. There was a dull ache in his back that only seemed to get worse through the day, probably due to sleeping on the floor still. He popped some acetaminophen (as Dr. Eden told him was fine) and tried to stretch his muscles by leaning forward and allowing his belly to hang with his elbows on a chair or counter. He couldn’t seem to get comfortable.

He walked around his apartment, pacing, really. Waiting for someone to pick him up to go make pies. He gathered up the apples he had left from the orchard. How nice, for the father of his pup to have a homemade apple pie while Castiel ate dinner alone in his apartment. Still, he was doing it for Ellen, and he was not one to be spiteful.

Castiel had just idly slipped some shoes on as there came a knock on the door. Castiel peered through the peep hole to see a very tall Beta standing there. Castiel opened the door, “Hello, Sam.” He said without inflection.

Sam looked Castiel over, his eyes landing on his swollen belly. “Cas, You’re…”

“Yes. I’m pregnant. We should get going.” Cas said, and grabbed his things.

“Here, let me…” Sam said, taking Castiel’s bags and then looking around the apartment. His eyes landed on the crib and the mound of blankets and pillows Castiel slept on. “Is there another room?” Sam asked, not seeing a door or entryway.

“No,” Castiel tilted his head and squinted at Sam in a confused way.

“Cas, where do you sleep?” Sam said gently. Castiel didn’t answer. He looked away as if searching the air for a subject change.

“Let’s go, please.” Castiel said.

Once they got to the car, Sam opened the door for Castiel to get in. Castiel took another moment to stretch before being confined to a small space. Sam followed in after him, and for a while they drove in silence.

Finally, Sam had enough. “So how far along are you?” Sam asked, incredulously.

“I’m due in January.” Came Cas’ short reply.

Sam’s jaw tensed. Castiel knew Sam was a smart boy. He was doing the math and not liking what he came up with. “So you were sleeping around.” Sam said. It wasn’t a question.

Castiel didn’t answer. He knew that as an unmated Omega everyone already saw him as a whore. What was one more person?

“This is why you and Dean broke up.” Sam said. Again, it wasn’t a question. The rest of the ride was quiet and tense.

Once they arrived at Ellen’s Castiel immediately set to work. He was not introduced to the blonde beta who seemed to hover around Sam, but he didn’t care. He sat himself in a kitchen chair and began peeling apples. The peeling motion was doing nothing to help his back, and he wished to ask for some more tylenol, but was afraid he would be met with anger. So he worked through the pain.

Sam had left Castiel to work, but Cas could hear the voices from the other room. The blonde beta and Sam conversing. “I don’t know why she asked him over here. He’s pupped! And it happened while he was with Dean!” Sam’s voice rose angrily.

“But it couldn’t be Dean’s pup? I mean, did he say that he cheated?” The blonde one pointed out.

“No, he didn’t say anything! I want him to leave. I think he should. He can walk home for all I care.” Sam’s voice again. He couldn’t help the tears streaming down his face. He was sobbing into his sweater sleeves when Sam walked in. “Cas, I think it would be better if-” Sam looked to the weeping Omega.

“I never cheated.” Castiel said. It wasn’t really worth defending himself. “I’m just not a good enough Omega for your brother. If you still want me to ‘walk home,’ I will.” And he would, too. Maybe if he was lucky he’d be caught in the cold and just freeze to death. That seemed like a great option, he thought morbidly.

“Wait, so, I’m going to be an uncle?” Sam asked. Cas nodded slowly, still crying and making whimpering sounds at the heavy emotion and the aching in his back. “Dean never said…”

Castiel was just wearing a sweater and a skirt today. The sweater was covered in flour and cinnamon, but Sam pulled him in for a hug anyways. Castiel stayed in Sam’s arms a long while, until he heard the front door open.

“Sammy, we’re back! Got a bunch of stuff, too!” Dean called from the door. Castiel paled, he protectively put his arms around his middle and tried to look as small as possible. Sam defensively stood in front of Cas, and Jess stood in the other kitchen doorway, seeming to hold her breath.

Upon seeing Dean, Castiel suddenly felt out of breath. He was even more beautiful than memory served. Still, his fear bled through, and he could see Dean sense it. When Dean found the source, all Castiel could do was stare back.

“What are you doing here?” The Alpha demanded.

Castiel tried to make himself look smaller. He had to answer the question, it was in his nature. “Ellen called, said she was running late and asked me to make pies for your thanksgiving tomorrow…” Castiel said at little more than a murmur. The air was tense, and all Cas wanted to do was flee.

“How could you not tell me he was with pup?” Sam demanded angrily to Dean.

“I thought he was going to get rid of it. I didn’t think he’d be dumb enough to go at it alone!” Dean said, and Castiel clenched his fist at Dean’s hateful words.

Bobby stepped in, however. “Why don’t we all leave these two to talk it out, alright?” He nodded to Sam, Jess, and Jo.

“Fine.” Sam said, still glaring at his brother.

Once everyone left the room, Dean spoke again. “I don’t know what you want from me, Cas. But this is low. This is my family. You can’t just come in here and act like you belong when we cut ties! It’s creepy! What, you thought that this kid would make me want to stay with you? You thought that if you got in good with my family that you’d have a chance with me again?” Dean was yelling now.

“I’m not the one who contacted them!” Castiel yelled back. “My family abandoned me! My mother disowned me, my brother left for New York. I started working at Rufus’ without knowing that you had ties there. My pregnancy has been complicated. I’ve got a life-threatening condition and I passed out at work. Ellen came over and stayed with me in the hospital. She and Bobby love this pup as their own grandchild. I want them to be a part of the baby’s life!”

Dean’s eyes softened. “What are you gonna do, Cas? How are you going to make this work? You know you won’t be able to make ends meet working at that restaurant.” Dean asked, now without fire behind his words.

“Then I’ll become a whore. That’s what you want to hear, isn’t it? That I have no degree, no special skills. I’ve only ever had sex once. I’ll even need more practice with that, won’t I? But I’ll do whatever it takes. I told you that I would do anything. If selling my body is all I have then I’ll do it. I know how this pans out for me.” Castiel snapped back. He felt light headed and out of breath. His back now hosted a sharper pain, he wanted to sit, but he didn’t want to look submissive.

After a moment of silence Sam came back into the room, his eyes immediately drawn to Castiel, who was sweating and shaking slightly. “Cas, are you okay?” He asked, and ran over to his side. Dean stood there, looking lost and helpless.

“Why are you such a jerk, Dean?” Sam asked, “Cas has needed you. This baby needs you. Why can’t you see that? If you walk out on him, you’re walking out on your family. This might not be a perfect situation but stop handling this like a child!”

“Sam, you’ve always been my concern and I thought I wasn’t finished raising you. I fucked up.” Dean said,“I’m sorry, Cas. I’m so sorry.” Sam helped Cas to sit down. He groaned in pain as he felt a shooting pain in his back.

“I think something is wrong.” Cas said, and put his hand between his legs gently. His hand came back with a lot of blood and he tried to see over his belly at how much blood he was losing. “I need to get to a hospital. I think I’m in labor.” Cas said, gasping.

Dean spared no moment, scooping Cas into his arms and throwing the keys to Sam. Bobby had come to see what the commotion was about. “Please call my doctor,” Cas asked Bobby. “We’re going to the hospital. I’ve still got a month to go…” Another spasm made Castiel yell in pain.

Once they were settled into Dean’s car, Sam was told to floor it. “It’s okay, Cas. You’re gonna be okay.” Dean soothed into Castiel’s hair. Cas held on to Dean tightly. Every now and then he would feel a sharp pain and then a gush from between his legs. He knew he was losing too much blood. The hospital was still 10 minutes away.

His body was shaking, he started to feel very cold. “Dean,” Cas said in a weak voice and Dean gave his full attention to the Omega in his arms. “I know you don’t want me, I’ve made peace with that.” When Dean opened his mouth to speak, Cas raised a finger to silence him. “But if I don’t make it, please don’t completely abandon our pup. I don’t want my death to be for nothing. I’ve got a crib, but not much else. Just, please.” Cas’ pulse was thready as Dean checked it. There were beads of sweat clinging to Cas’ forehead, but he had stopped shaking as much.

“I promise to take care of you and this pup. I didn’t realize, Cas. I’m so sorry. I should’ve never left you. You’re gonna be fine. We can be a family.” Dean said, pleading.

“I would like that,” Cas sighed, “But I feel very cold.” And his eyes began to droop, and his head rested against Dean’s arm. He went completely limp, but Dean could see his belly tightening and then going back to normal. He was dying.

“No, no. God, please no! Sammy, you gotta go faster!” Dean cried. He’d already lost them once before, he wasn’t about to do it again.

Chapter Text

(November 24, 2011 [about 2 am])

[Dean]

The doctor had come out hours ago to let them know that Castiel and the baby had both survived, but neither were out of the woods yet. Castiel had lost a lot of blood, there was a high risk of clotting and a chance he wouldn’t wake up. His heart had stopped twice, and the doctors thought he may have suffered a stroke as a result. They wouldn’t know the extent of the damage until he woke up.

The baby had been born small, only about 3 and a half pounds. It had been taken to the NICU and since Dean was not actually Castiel’s mate, he was allowed to visit him but his family wouldn’t be able to until the child grew a bit stronger.

The doctor explained that Cas was being moved to an ICU unit within the maternity ward, and the baby would spend it’s first few weeks of life in the NICU.

“Did you know if Castiel was planning on breastfeeding?” Asked the doctor, who had dark hair and green eyes. There was something about him that made Dean think of his father.

“I don’t know…” Dean admitted. The doctor seemed annoyed by Dean’s lack of participation in the childbearing process.

“He was,” Jo said, who had arrived with Ellen, Bobby, and Jess about an hour ago. “He and I spoke about it. He said he was excited, but nervous about it.”

“If he was planning to breastfeed, we can start him on a pump while he’s unconscious. That way his milk will come in fully once he wakes and the baby gets stronger.” Dr. Eden said.

“I think he would want that,” Jo said.

A few hours later found Dean in Castiel’s room, on the cot that had been provided for him, listing to the gentle noise of the breast pump. Dean was surprised how little milk Castiel had. It wasn’t really milk, Nurse Masters had explained to him. It was Colostrum. High in sugar and fat and sort of like pre-milk. The baby would need the higher sugar content. Still, it amazed Dean that Castiel could grow something so amazing. Could feed it from his own body, and could provide nourishment even without knowing.

Sam still hadn’t tried to speak to Dean, though Dean knew it was inevitable. Sam was angry, and hurt. It wasn’t right, what he had done. He saw that now. He laid on the cot and tried to will himself to sleep. Nothing was right, this whole situation was wrong.

Dean awoke early the next morning, well, the same morning. Castiel still unresponsive and Dean not sure what to do with himself. He hauled himself off the cot, stretching a bit and then leaving the privacy of Castiel’s room. Sam had booked a room in the motel next door, luckily not too many people wanted to stay next to a hospital in a grungy motel, and so Thanksgiving wasn’t a huge deal.

Dean headed down to the cafeteria, looking to grab some coffee. While he walked, he texted Sam.

“Going to get coffee in the hospital caf. Wanna meet me?”

Sam’s response came quickly, Yes.

Dean poured himself a cup of coffee and grabbed one for Sam as well. He paid and went to go sit down by the window, where he could feel the chill of winter starting to creep in.

Sam arrived quickly, alone.

“So,” Sam said, “Are we gonna talk about this or what?”

“There’s not much to talk about, Sammy.” Was all Dean said, stirring his coffee nervously.

“Like hell there’s not.” Sam spat, already fed up.

“Well what do you want me to say, Hmm? I fucked up. I got him pregnant and then threw him out. It’s my fault his family abandoned him. I’m the shittiest person alive.” Dean scowled.

“Stop being so dramatic!” Sam nearly yelled. “He needed you and you weren’t there! What the hell! You know I saw his apartment? He doesn’t even have a bed. He’s been walking up 3 flights of stairs every day only to get into his minuscule little place without so much as a proper bed. how could you let that happen?!”

“I don’t know! I just knew that it wasn’t what I wanted!” Dean said back, now his blood was boiling.

“Why?” Sam demanded, “Why couldn’t you have just mated him and we could’ve lived in California all together? Why didn’t you postpone your move, or try to make it work?”

“Because I’m not cut out to be a father!” Dean said, and the air felt tighter. That’s what it was. That’s what it had always been.

“What?” Sam asked incredulously.

“Look, I thought I was doing him a favor. He deserves so much better. He deserved to go to school and get a career and have a life. He should have.” Dean said miserably.

“Dean, he should be able to make that choice.” Sam frowned.

“I know, but I didn’t think I would be able to do that. Cas had so much going for him. He didn’t deserve to be tied down to an Alpha who was only good for fixin’ cars and breaking his heart. I’m not smart like you, Sam. I’m just a grunt. He deserves to be with someone who understands the theological conversations you two have. He deserves to with an Alpha who could afford to buy him really nice things and who’s got things figured out. We’ve hardly ever even had a home, I don’t know how to make him one. He should have better.” Dean rubbed a hand over his face. “That’s why I got so angry, it was never at him, just at myself for being… The way I am.”

Sam’s expression softened, but he didn’t lose the edge to his voice. “Well it’s a little too late now. He’s had your pup. He has no support besides Ellen and Bobby. I’m telling you, Dean, his apartment is sad. He shouldn’t be walking up all those stairs for a while and he needs a place to recover, one with a real bed. You fucked up, really bad. Now you need to own up to it. No matter how inadequate you feel, I’m sure it’s nothing compared to what Cas has gone through. There’s always a reason, but there’s never an excuse.” By now Sam’s voice had changed to something friendly, more comforting. Dean knew he was right.

Dean nodded. He knew he’d have a long way to winning Cas back, but he could start.

“I have to go, I want to see the baby.” Dean said, “Thanks, Sam.”

****************

The baby had been born at about 9 pm the night before. Dean hadn’t been allowed to see him, but if he was progressing, he’d be allowed today. He walked into the nursery, holding out his “Father” bracelet for the nurse to see. Cas had one with the same information, as did their baby.

He walked over to the back of the nursery, the NICU section. In one of the incubators, with a feeding tube in his nose and a little green hat on his head, laid their baby. The incubator was labeled “Novak, Boy, 11-23-2011, 9:18pm” and there was a clipboard with all the information the baby needed. He put his hands in the little gloves after sanitizing them, carefully stroking the newborn’s head. He hardly had hair, and he didn’t open his eyes well enough for Dean to be able to discern a color. The baby seemed to sense Dean’s presence, and started to wail softly, in a breathy way.

“That’s a good sign.” A nurse came over to him.

“Yeah?” Dean asked.

“Yes, it means that his lungs have improved. He may be small, but he’s actually pretty okay. He doesn’t have the sucking reflexes that full-terms do quite yet, hence the feeding tube. But he’s been under the bilirubin lights and his liver function is improving. He may actually be able to go home in a few weeks or so.” She smiled softly. “I’m Tessa.”

“I’m Dean.” Dean said, not taking his eyes off the child in the huge contraption.

“You’re the father?” She asked softly.

“Yeah, I guess I am.” Dean said. It felt odd, on the one hand he was so happy that their baby was getting stronger. Even if he wasn’t completely out of the woods, he was improving. But then there was Cas, who was still fighting for his own life in bringing their son into the world. If anything happened to Cas, without a shadow of a doubt, Dean would raise this pup. He may not have wanted him before, but now he was all he cared about.

Dean sat with their son for a long while. Eventually, an odd thought occurred to him looking around the nursery. All the other babies wore little clothing sacks. Onesies, he thought. No way Cas would’ve bought ones that would fit their baby. He pulled out his phone to call Sam.

“What’s up?” Sam asked, with a sleepy voice.

“I need to ask you a favor.” Dean said.

“What’s up?” Sam asked again.

“I need you and Jess to go pick out some onesies for our baby. I don’t think Cas thought to buy pre-me sizes, and I also need you to pick up a bassinet, a body pillow for Cas, and some tiny socks. I’ll give you the cash for it.” Dean said, not really sure what he was asking, but hoping that Jess would be able to pick out the right things.

******************

[Sam]

Sam was laying on the motel bed, Jess tucked neatly into his shoulder. “Hey, Jess, wanna go to Babies’ R’ Us?” He asked, she immediately shot up, looking excited.

“Yes!” She smiled.

Another half hour found them at the store looking at all sorts of baby stuff. “So a bassinet, and how many onesies?” Jess asked.

“I don’t know.” Sam said, “A lot?”

“So did you talk to Dean this morning?” Jess asked.

“Yeah, I gave him a piece of my mind. What he did was super shitty.” Sam replied, picking out a onesie with monster trucks on it.

“Well he’s not the only one who needs to earn Cas’ forgiveness when he gets better.” Jess frowned.

Sam looked over to her, at first with a confused expression. “I don’t follow.”

“You assumed the worst when you found out Cas was pregnant. He’s had no one, and you should’ve given him the benefit of the doubt.” Jess frowned.

Sam sighed, and Jess picked out 4 more onesies in bright colors, green, orange, and yellow. “I know, now. I was a jerk too. I just never thought Dean was capable of abandoning his family like that. I don’t know. I always looked up to him. I always thought of him as a superhero. He pretty much raised me, I thought he would love to have a kid of his own. He’s definitely got the parent thing down…” Jess nodded.

“But,” Sam continued, “I guess I never really thought about how much he had to give up to raise me. His own childhood, his education, his jobs at times. It must be hard to go from finally being done and essentially being free, to starting all over again with huge responsibility like this. He still shouldn’t have done what he did, but after talking to him I think I kind of get it.”

“Still,” Jess said, taking Sam’s hand in hers and effectively stopping him from looking at anything but her, “You should apologize, really apologize. You should tell him that you were wrong and let him know that we’ll do whatever we can to make it right. And we’re gonna start right now.” She smiled. She walked over to the displays of swings and carriages and carseats. “So, they’re gonna need a swing, a pack’n’play, and 2 carseats. Let’s get ‘em.” Jess said, pulling out her black credit card. Sam had forgotten that she had come from money, she never flaunted it, but would always help someone out if they needed it.

“Jess, you don’t need to do that…” Sam said weakly.

“No, but I want to. I love you, Sam. And I love your family by extension, including this new pup. Let me be the aunt that spoils him just a little.” She smiled. Sam grabbed her and pulled her in for a long, slow kiss. Trying to convey all the love and adoration and thankfulness he felt for her. She smiled softly and a light blush colored her cheeks when they pulled away.

“I love you, too.” Sam said.

(November 28, 2011)

It was peaceful. Castiel was in his old home, in his own room. The very one that he had abandoned for college. His bed was soft, and he snuggled into the clean sheets, enjoying the summer air.

A knock on the door, and a figure stepped into the room. It held a tiny bundle of blankets in it’s arms, but it wore a dark hood.

“Is that my baby?” Castiel asked trying to get up out of the bed but unable turn himself or move to get up.

The figure nodded.

“May I see, please? Please?” He begged. But the figure didn’t move. It just stood at the end of the room, too far for Castiel to see. “Please?!” He yelled.

The baby started crying, and Castiel just wanted to see. To hold his baby. He had to get up. He started to struggle with the sheets, kicking and clawing away at them, but his body felt like it was being held down. He closed his eyes tightly, and when he opened them, the light was blinding.

Dean laid in the cot that had been provided for him in Castiel’s room. He was resting, his back to Cas, but not asleep. He seemed to sense Cas’ stirring, because he rolled over, his eyes glowing with concern.

Castiel felt like he had been hit by a bus. Everything hurt, he felt like he had been disemboweled. It was awful. He let a moan escape his lips, followed by a few whimpers as he came to.

“Cas,” Dean said, quickly setting himself in the chair at Castiel’s bedside, “It’s okay. You’re okay. That button is for morphine.” He said and Castiel looked down to find a little cylinder with a red button on the top. He knew that his pain tolerance was high, but not this high. He pushed the button and allowed the medicine to numb him.

On his other side, Dean had grabbed his call button, a little off-white walkie-talking looking thing attached to a thick wire. “He’s up,” Dean said into the device, “We need a nurse in here.”

Castiel let Dean fuss over him for a few moments, forgetting why he was in the hospital with his head fuzzy from the morphine. Then he remembered his dream. He slowly lifted the blankets, his belly was still swollen, but not as much as it had been. He lifted his hospital gown, modesty be damned in front of Dean, and examined his abdomen. There was a bunch of dressings, it looked like he was wearing a binder of some sort. He couldn’t see underneath, but he was sure he would find out the state of his body soon enough. He knew he had an emergency procedure. They had been more concerned with saving his life than with the damage they would do to his body.

“You’ve been out for five days.” Dean said, in a small voice, “It was pretty touch and go for a while there. We weren’t sure you were gonna make it. You had a stroke, so the doctor is gonna wanna examine you throughly. Yesterday they found a blood clot in your left ovary. They had to go back in last night to remove it, that’s why everything still feels fresh. It’s gonna be a long recovery, but we’re just happy you’re alive.” Dean said, now taking Castiel’s hand in his.

Castiel raised his hand out of Dean’s grasp. “I don’t care, Dean.” Castiel looked at him, a fearful scent matched the expression on his face, as if he was preparing for horrible news. He pushed the blanket away and started to attempt to stand up, only realizing that his legs were in a weird compression device.

“Woah, Cas, easy.” Dean said, “You still have a catheter and you’re hooked up to way too much stuff right now.”

“Where is my pup?” Castiel was tense, he couldn’t sit up well, but he was leaning up against his pillows.

“He’s in the NICU, Bobby and Ellen are with him.” Dean answered softly, and Castiel visibly relaxed into the pillows. Sighing, he could feel tears of joy stream down the sides of his face, getting caught by his ears.

“I have a son.” Castiel smiled.

*******************

It was a few hours still before Castiel was well enough to make the journey down to the NICU. The doctor had examined his functions thoroughly, and although his reactions were dulled by the pain medication, he did just fine. He was told he would be on blood thinners for a few days, and that the already-heavy bleeding from birth would only get worse. He shifted uncomfortably in the large disposable boxer-briefs with the ginormous pad he had sitting in them. He felt like he was wearing a diaper too. At least they had taken the catheter out.

Dean had stayed with Cas, not saying anything but helping however he could. It was strange. If Castiel needed water, Dean already had a glass for him. If he was uncomfortable in the bed, Dean would hand him the remote to adjust himself. If he was in pain, Dean would make sure the morphine button was in Cas’ hand.

Castiel was grumpy, feeling as though he should be with his pup. The doctor said that they would send a wheelchair for him once they made sure everything was all-clear. Castiel looked around his room, it was a nice set up. It was a private room with it’s own small bathroom. There was a sink and a bunch of cabinets, filled with everything from diapers to a manual breast pump. Blankets, as well as bottles and formula were provided as well. Castiel thought for a moment that this must be a lovely place to give birth, under better circumstances.

Dean had gone to the bathroom, though he still hadn’t said more than two words to Cas since we woke up. Cas’ eyes landed on a large pile of gifts, all wrapped and only somewhat concealed under a large table against the wall. Castiel would ask about that later.

When Dean came out of the restroom, Castiel decided to break the awkwardness. “What does he look like, my pup?”

Dean looked surprised that Cas was even talking to him. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I mean, he’s hardly got any hair on his head. It looks pretty light and wispy. But that doesn’t mean anything. He’s really squinty, like you, so I haven’t been able to get his eye color yet.”

Cas frowned. “I am not squinty.”

Dean smirked. And for a moment Dean could swear that there was a little quirk of Cas’ lips that wanted to smile too. It felt really good.

Soon enough, nurse Masters came into Cas’ room with a wheelchair. “Alright, Clarence, ready to meet your pup?”

Cas nodded enthusiastically and with some difficulty, they managed to get Cas out of bed and into the wheelchair. They wheeled him down the hall, into the regular nursery, then though another door in the back. It was eerie, the regular nursery was bustling with sounds and cries and baby noises in general. The NICU was almost silent, except for the one or two stray cries of the babies in the incubators and the loud beeping of the machines. Castiel tried not to let his heart sink as he was wheeled past babies who looked on the brink of death. Then, he knew the moment he saw his pup.

He was small, a feeding tube taped down against his face that trailed in his nose. He was hooked up to all sorts of heart monitors and under bilirubin lights. Castiel started crying. Both of happiness and sadness. He was so happy his baby had initially survived, but so sad to see his child have to fight so hard. The NICU nurse, Tessa, sensed the distress the new-parent Omega was in.

“Would you like to hold him?” She asked gently.

“Please.” Castiel said, almost desperately.

Tessa very carefully removed the infant from the incubator. Since he was only a little over 6 weeks premature, his lungs had developed for the most part. There were just a few milestones he needed to get over before Castiel could take him home. Tessa wrapped a small blanket around the newborn who began to wail once he was exposed to the cooler air. Very gently, she lowered him into Castiel’s arms.

For a moment, everything felt surreal, like Castiel was dreaming. The baby squirmed a little in his arms but seemed to find a good position and began nudging his nose back and forth into Castiel’s chest. Cas was confused for a moment, before he felt the air hit a wet patch on his shirt. Oh. The baby wanted Cas to feed him. Castiel looked over to Tessa to see what he should do.

“He’s rooting, right now he’s on a feeding tube, he’s not strong enough to breast feed effectively quite yet, but we have been introducing your milk along with formula through the tube. He should be able to feed in about a week or two. Until then, you should pump while you hold him. We’ll arrange to get a portable incubator in your room so that he can spend time with you. When you’re resting, he’ll have to come back here, though.”

Castiel held the baby against his chest, his body still ached, his emotions were still raw, but he was certain that it would all be okay. He had something to fight for.

Castiel placed a gentle kiss on the baby’s head, then turned to Dean who had tears in his eyes and a red nose that indicated he was crying. “Have you held him yet?” Cas asked.

“No,” Dean said, looking away. “I didn’t know if you’d want me to, I’ve split my time between here and your room though. I sang to him a little and touched him through the incubator. I didn’t want to overstep…”

“Would you like to?” Cas asked, he still wasn’t ready to forgive Dean, but Dean was the baby’s father. It wasn’t fair to deny the child that love even if it hurt Castiel.

Cas could see Dean fight back tears as he nodded, afraid that his voice would break if he said anything. Cas gently handed the baby over to Dean, who took him just as gingerly.

“Hey, buddy.” Dean cooed, “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. You’re perfect.”

Castiel smiled a little, but his energy was faltering and the pain was coming back full swing. The doctor had said that the next time they came to check on him, they’d like him to get up and walk a few steps to aid with recovery. Cas felt like he should probably rest before that happened.

“I would like to see him again as soon as possible,” Cas said to Meg, “But right now I’m feeling very tired. May I please go back to my room?”

“Sure thing.” Meg said with an understanding expression. Dean kissed the pup and handed him back to Tessa to put back in the incubator.

On the way back to the room, Dean asked, “Have you thought about what you want to name him?”

“Yes. I think I would like to name him Samandriel. Samandriel Henry.” Cas said. And Dean’s look of shock was priceless.

“You want to name him after my grandfather?” Dean asked.

“Yes, he is a Winchester, is he not? As awful as you’ve been, you had more of a right to walk away than my family did. That’s what family should be for. I don’t want him to have the Novak name if it means leaving blood out in the cold.” Cas said bitterly. “At least I know that as a Winchester, you take care of your own, even if it only extends to blood.”

“Cas…” Dean started, they were back at the room but the door was closed. “Meg, can you give us a minute?”

Meg nodded and walked away, not without sending a glare in Dean’s direction.

“Look, Cas, I was hoping to have this conversation when you were a little better. I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for what did to you. I should’ve stayed, I should’ve taken care of you. I had assumed that if I left then you would have a chance of happiness. But instead you had to go through hell because of me.” Dean said, a melancholy expression on his face.

“No, you don’t get to do this.” Cas said in a harsh tone, “I made my decision. I told you I wanted this pup. I was ready that night to mate you, to drop out of school and find a part-time job and become a house Omega and do all the things I never thought I wanted. I wanted you to come home and kiss me and tell me how much you missed me and to be there through all of the scary and uncomfortable aspects of pregnancy. Complicated or not. I wanted that life. Who do you think you are to tell me what I do or do not want? Who are you to decide what’s best for me? I don’t care what the hell you thought.”

“Cas-” Dean said, but was interrupted.

“Don’t ‘Cas’ me. I’m not finished.” Cas huffed, “Where were you when my brother moved away and I was left completely on my own? Where were you when I struggled to afford shoes because my feet were so swollen none of the pairs I had fit? Where were you when I passed out at work in a pool of blood and I was accused of cheating on you? Where were you when I was put on bedrest but still had to climb 3 flights of stairs every day to my tiny apartment just to get to or from work? Hmm? Tell me, what was so important with Sam out in California that you couldn’t be there for me and your unborn pup!” By then end, Castiel’s chest was heaving, and Dean for all his worth looked like a deer in headlights.

It was a few tense moments as Castiel calmed down. “It happened, Dean.” He said, “I’m getting over it. I’ve got a wonderful pup and now I will let you decide your involvement in his life. But I’m not ready to forgive you.”

Dean nodded, “That’s fair. And Cas?” Dean said, kneeling to look Cas straight in the eye, “If need be I will spend every day of the rest of my life try’na make it up to you. I’m not askin’ for forgiveness. I’m not askin’ for a second chance. But I am telling you that I will never let you go again. And if you ever decide that I might be worth another shot, it’s a shot I’ll gladly take. I’m sorry.”

Castiel paused for a moment before wrapping his arms around Dean and breathing in the Alpha’s musky scent. “Thank you for the apology.” Cas whispered. It wasn’t a commitment nor a promise, but it was a start.

Dean opened the door to Cas’ room, and this time it was Cas’ turn to look utterly shocked. Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Jess, Sam, Gabriel, Balthazar and even Rufus stood in his hospital room with balloons and cake and champagne. The table that Castiel had noticed had gifts under it was now completely covered in boxes wrapped in pastel wrapping paper with pictures of rattles and teddy bears and bubbly letters reading “baby.”

“CONGRATULATIONS, CAS!” They sang together. It took his brain a moment to process. This was his baby shower. Dean helped him back into the bed in a sitting position. At first, Cas was a little overwhelmed, but as they all crowded around him, practically demanding that he open whoever’s gift first, he felt the love in the room. This was his family, these were the people that cared the most in the world about him. As long as he had them, everything would be okay.

As Castiel excitedly opened gifts, and answered mandatory questions about how he was doing (“Do you need water?” “Are your pillows comfortable enough?” “Do you need more pain medication?” “Do you need help getting to the bathroom? Okay, well let me know!”) Gabriel walked over to Dean.

Gabriel had just arrived off his flight and they weren’t even sure he was going to make it to their impromptu baby shower. He even still had all of his bags in the car, everything he would need. He walked past Dean with a request, “Dean, a word?”

Dean nodded and slipped out into the hallway unnoticed.

Once in the hallway, Dean turned to look at the smaller man who wore a pensive expression on his face. All of a sudden, Gabriel drew back and delivered a nasty right hook directly to Dean’s cheekbone. Dean hissed as the pain exploded in his eye and Gabriel made a pained noise and began to shake his hand as if he could shake the pain away.

“That’s for being a great big bag of dicks.” Gabriel said, still shaking his hand.

“Okay, Alright,” Dean said, more annoyed than anything. He knew he deserved it and much worse.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re trying to pull here, but if you think I’m just going let Cassie get back with the likes of you, you’ve got another thing coming. You fucking destroyed him. He was a good kid, he still is, and he might’ve had a shot at a life with everything: A college degree, a handsome alpha, and 2.5 kids. But you had to go and fuck it all up for him.” Gabriel said angrily, disgust barely contained in his voice.

“You don’t think I know that?” Dean spat back, “I love Cas, and I don’t think that I’ll ever forgive myself for what I did. But Cas is a better person than me, so maybe someday he’ll be able to. Till then, I’m going to do everything I can for Cas and that pup.”

Gabriel nodded. “Fine, but don’t think you can just play house and everything will go back to the way it was, Winchester. Cas isn’t the same meek Omega you dated. He’s stronger, he’s braver, and he’s willing to do anything to keep this pup safe. If you fuck him up again I swear on my father’s grave that I will kill you. Got it?”

“Got it.” Dean replied.

“Good.” Gabriel clapped his hands, “Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a piece of cake in there with my name on it.” And with that, Gabriel re-entered the room.

Dean stood for a moment before heading over to the nurse’s station to get an ice pack. He’d just say he’d gotten hit with the cabinet door accidentally.

Chapter Text

(December 3, 2011)

[Castiel]

Meg came in with the discharge papers for Cas early. Well, not really early, but since Cas was still on pain medication he was losing time.

Over the last five days, Castiel had improved remarkably. When the doctors finally took his bandages off to remove the staples and help him re-dress, he got a good look at his body. It was bruised, with a long incision trailing from right under his belly button to his pubic bone. They had to cut through muscles, instead of separating them, so Cas was much more swollen and it would take him much longer to heal. By the second day, he was walking around. Short steps to the bathroom or to sit in the chair. Samandriel had been moved into Castiel’s room whenever he was awake.

Castiel kept pumping, though it was difficult in the middle of the night without Samandriel. He found it much easier to do when his body naturally reacted to his baby. Still, thanks to the hard plastic cones that would pull at his nipples, they quickly became chapped and would sometimes bleed. Meg brought him some lanolin, but he hated the way it seemed to clog up the device. Dr. Eden explained that it was normal, and that he should still pump if he was planning to breastfeed, which was the healthiest option for Samandriel.

Castiel had mixed feelings about returning home without Samandriel, whom had already been given the nickname “Alfie” by Gabriel. Castiel knew there was a story behind it, but with all the medication he had been on, he couldn’t remember for the life of him. It was fine though, better than having two Sammys.

Still, Alfie wasn’t strong enough to return with Castiel. Dean had insisted on bringing Cas home, but he had done everything he could to refuse. He didn’t want to owe Dean anything, Cas figured he got a free pass on the ride over to the hospital since he would’ve died otherwise. That wasn’t a favor, that was just being a person.

Ellen had seemed to sense the displeasure Cas had to Dean driving him anywhere, so she offered herself. “I’ll drive you, Cas.” She smiled and let him lean on her as he began to gather up his things. It would take a while, since all of the baby shower gifts where still there. How they would get them up the stairs was beyond him.

“Hey Castiel,” Ellen said, observing the overwhelmed expression Cas had in regards to the pile of gifts, “Why don’t you and Samandriel come stay with me and Bobby? We’ve got plenty of room, and I don’t want you walking up all those stairs. It’s not good for you.”

“I couldn’t impose on you like that.” Castiel frowned.

“I want you to. You need to heal and it’s hard the first few weeks, trust me. You could use the support. I’ve even extended the invitation to Gabriel and Balthazar, as long as they don’t mind sharing a room, just through the holidays. You’re gonna need all the help you can get, and walking up and down those stairs is no easy task. Besides, I could use someone to help me with pies and meals and things.” She smiled.

Castiel nodded, then he gingerly hugged Ellen, not tightly enough to hurt his incision, but she squeezed back gently too.

Castiel looked over all of the gifts he had gotten. It was too much, really. There was a bassinet, an automatic breast pump, a bunch of baby clothes, preemie diapers, bottles, pacifiers, and a slew of other items. Ellen had bought him some breast feeding shirts, appropriate for a male Omega who was planning to breastfeed. Jo had gotten him some baby nursery rhyme CDs, Balthazar and Gabriel had given him a snowsuit for Samandriel as well as some blankets to shield him from the cold. And then Sam and Jess. They had gotten him 2 carseats, a pack’n’play, and a bunch of cute onesies in a bunch of sizes. It was wonderful, and Cas didn’t think he would ever be able to repay them.

Dean would be staying with Bobby and Ellen too, until he could find a new apartment. This didn’t bother Castiel so much, though he did wish to have some space from him. It was nice, however, that he didn’t have to worry about rent when he knew that the hospital bill would be astronomical.

Castiel held Alfie one last time before leaving the hospital, wishing beyond anything that he could take his baby with him. The nurse wheeled him out of the maternity ward, into the elevator, and out to the pick up area. The cold was brisk and even in the oversized sweater with his binder and dressings underneath, it still chilled him to the bone.

Bobby drove them home and when they arrived, Castiel felt exhausted again. Dean arrived shortly after, helping Cas out of the car and allowing Cas to use his shoulder to steady himself. The moment they made it through the door Cas deflated. What was he supposed to do? He didn’t need to go to work, had no one to talk to aside from Dean, and just felt overwhelmingly empty. He followed Ellen into the bedroom she had designated as his, explaining that Bobby and Dean would pack up Castiel’s apartment for him and move the things he couldn't bring over into a storage unit.

It was a kind gesture, and Ellen assured him that they would bring the crib over and set it up.

“All right, sweetie. You get some rest, I’ll come and get you for dinner, alright?” Ellen said as Castiel sat on the bed. Then she pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head, and gave him a knowing smile. “We can go see Alfie tomorrow, just you’n me, okay?”

“Thank you, Ellen.” Castiel said. Ellen closed the door. The room wasn’t large but it had a very comfortable bed. In fact, it was the first time Castiel had slept on a real bed since Dean had kicked him out, all those months ago. He settled under the blankets and sleep quickly overtook him.

The next few weeks passed similarly. Cas and Ellen (or whoever was available) would go to the hospital to see Alfie. Sam had gone a few times, as had Bobby and Jo, but Dean hadn’t. Not that he hadn’t offered. Dean went to see Alfie some days that Castiel was still hurting and couldn’t stay long, but not until long after Cas had left.

Alfie improved a little every day. Castiel, however, still had a ways to go. When he was with Alfie, it was like the entire world was content. He would sit for hours just holding his child, pumping, changing him, or whatever needed to be done. When Castiel was back at Bobby and Ellen’s, he was distant. Sometimes he would get disoriented, forgetful. The doctors said that some memory loss could be an after effect of the stroke he had suffered. Still, Alfie grew stronger, and after another week from the time that Cas was discharged, he began to breastfeed.

It was an odd sensation. Painful, at times. Castiel’s breasts would become so hard and swollen that the first few sucklings Alfie managed caused pain. Castiel would wince and grind his teeth, waiting for the relief that would come with being emptied.

In the days he spent at Bobby and Ellen’s, Cas hardly made himself seen. Since Dean was also living there, while he looked for an an apartment, Cas tried to have as little interaction with him as possible.

Cas would lay on his bed for hours, staring at the empty bassinet. He wished he could stay with Samandriel at all times. He felt like he had failed him by not carrying to term. The infant was so weak, so fragile. Castiel let the awful feeling engulf him.

It was one of these episodes that had Castiel standing in the living room, looking pained and confused. Bobby and Ellen were out for the night, and Jo was working the restaurant. Dean had just walked through the door, coming home smelling of motor oil and sweat. He immediately went to Castiel, who’s scent was bitter with fear. Dean found him in the living room, hands placed on his abdomen, looking around as if he’d forgotten something important.

Castiel looked up over to Dean. “Dean?” He asked, frowning.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean said slowly, approaching equally as slowly.

“What are you doing here?” Cas asked, but without conviction. As if he wanted to ask why he himself was there.

“We live here.” Dean answered, still confused.

“Together?” Castiel asked, approaching Dean.

“Sort of? With Bobby and Ellen and Jo.” Dean responded.

Castiel took a few more steps over to Dean, as if he was waiting for Dean to do something. Cas was very close, Dean could feel the warmth of his breath on his chin, an odd scent permeating the air.

“Cas… We’ve talked about this. Personal space.” Dean said in a breathy voice. In all honesty, it was nice. He missed being close to Cas, missed holding him. The first few days out of the hospital Dean had to hold himself back from offering much physical reassurance to Cas. He had helped Cas out of the car, had kept his hand on the small of Cas’ back as he walked slowly up the stairs. He had attempted a few times to hold his hand as he cried in bed, Cas wishing he could see his baby. That was when they had to talk about personal space. Cas wasn’t comfortable with all the affection Dean had been showing him.

“Of course,” Cas said, confused. “I’m in pain.” He added, almost as a second thought. Dean winced, he hated that Cas was hurting. He hated that Cas had been hurting for months.

“When was the last time you took anything?” Dean asked, and it seemed to bring Cas back to himself.

“Oh, uh,” Cas started, “I can’t remember.”

“C’mon. Lets get you back in bed.”

Dean helped Cas into bed, then went down stairs to grab Cas’ pain meds and to warm a heating pack up in the microwave. Once it was warm, he brought the comforts up to Cas. He found Cas, not for the first time, laying on his back with his head turned to the side away from Dean. Sobs wracked his body.

Dean placed the water and the medicine on the beside table. “I warmed up your heating pack too.” He said in a soft voice. All Dean got was a sob in response. “Does it hurt that bad?”

Cas looked over at Dean, his blue eyes bright against the tears. “Thank you, Dean.” His voice was so quiet that Dean almost didn't hear it.

“No problem, Cas.” He said, helping Cas to sit up, fluffing the pillow so it would be comfortable to lean against. He gave Cas the heating pad, which made Cas sigh with relief when placed against his healing belly. Once Cas had taken the medication and was as comfortable as he could be, Dean rubbed the back of his own neck awkwardly.

“So, I’m gonna go. Holler if you need anything, okay?” Dean said, not looking at Cas.

“Wait, Dean.” Cas frowned, “Would you stay with me for a little while?”

“Sure,” Dean said, a little surprised, but he tried not to sound too excited. He looked around, trying to find a place to sit. Cas was having none of that.

Cas patted the bed, a silent question in his eyes.

Dean nodded and removed his dirty clothes, down to his boxers and undershirt, slipping in under the covers to combat the cool winter air in the room. Cas was on him instantly. He snuggled against him and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder.

Dean felt a lot of emotions in that moment. He hated that Cas wasn’t okay. It would take time. Dean missed the sweet, funny, smart Omega Cas used to be. Cas was now hardened, he’d been left out in the cold too long and sometimes it felt like Cas’ very soul was frigid.

“I’m so sorry I did this to you, Cas.” Dean said, and he meant it. He brought his hand up to stroke through Cas’ hair, which had gotten long and had a bit of a wave, like Sam’s had been before he actively tried to grow it out.

Cas looked up at Dean, as if deciding on something. They were close, too close. Cas leaned in slightly and pressed his lips to Dean’s. It was chaste, innocent and sweet. once they broke away, they looked at each other for a long while, studying each other’s faces. Cas was the first one to break, his eyes growing tired as the medication took full effect. He settled on to Dean’s chest and let Dean rub soothing circles along his back as his breathing evened and he fell asleep.

Dean slipped out of bed early in the morning, got himself ready for work, and left.

Cas woke up cold, and alone, again.

It was odd, Castiel had never really considered the possibility of having a relationship with Dean again. Not logistically. He wished that they had never broken up, or that Dean had come back at some point during his pregnancy. He wished that Dean had been there through all of his stress, all of his cravings, and all of his pains. That wasn’t his situation, however.

Castiel spent the day, and the next few days, avoiding Dean. He had way too many feelings to sort through.

(December 18, 2011)

[Dean]

The day that Alfie came home from the hospital Dean had just about enough of Castiel’s avoidance tactics. He wasn’t even subtle, he would just get up and leave whenever Dean would enter a room. He was giving one word answers, and if Dean tried to get him to talk he would make up an excuse to leave the room and be left alone.

Dean had volunteered to drive Cas to go get Alfie, considering he had installed the Carseat in the Impala and the pick-up truck that Ellen drove wasn’t really a safe ride for an infant since it didn’t have a backseat. Castiel reluctantly agreed. It was a half hour drive to the hospital, and they sat in silence for the first 10 minutes.

Eventually, Dean had enough. “Look, it’s okay if you’re not ready to let me back into your life or go back to what we had or whatever. That’s fine. But you can’t lead me on like that then not talk to me for 3 days. It’s not fair. I’m really trying here, Cas. I wanna be better for you. I wanna be better for Samandriel.” Dean said.

He waited for a response but was met with silence. After a few minutes passed, Dean said, “Really? I’m not gonna get anything out of you?” He hadn’t meant it as angrily as he’d said it. Still, it made Cas’ shoulders shake with quiet sobs.

“Shit,” Dean said, still trying to get a handle on the situation, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry. Please. I just wanna know what page you’re on with all this.” He sighed resignedly.

“The problem is that I don’t know.” Cas said in a small voice, still watery from the tears, “We can never go back to what we had. I don’t know that I can trust you that way anymore. But I’m confused and although for most new parents this is supposed to be a happy time, I’m having trouble feeling anything but anxiety and sadness.” Cas turned away from Dean.

“Well that’s fair,” Dean said, “I mean, most new parents get to take home their kids within the week. It’s been what, about 3 weeks since Alfie was born?”

“I don’t know. Even when I’m with him I feel sad. I feel sad now, going to get him. I should be happy, right? He’s alive, he’s beautiful, he’s everything I hoped for.”

“Well why do you think that is then?” Dean asked, “Do you think it’s affecting whatever it is we’ve got between us?”

“I don’t know. My life has improved significantly since you came back and Ellen and Bobby took me in. I still have anxieties, but they’re the same as when I was pregnant. My baby is healthy, there’s no reason I should feel this way.” Castiel said miserably.

“Maybe you have postpartum depression.” Dean offered. It wasn’t the first time Cas thought that might be the case. He had gone to his postpartum appointment a week after he was released and had been told to keep a look out for the signs and symptoms, but surely he was just overreacting. He wasn’t exactly moping around all the time. He got out of bed slowly, most days, but he was healing so he figured it was okay to sleep in. He had distanced himself a little from Gabe and Balthazar, but they were going back to New York in a few weeks and it would just be easier for him not to let him get emotional over it.

He’d also been eating less, but that was the medication he was on, right? If anything, he felt a lot of sadness, but also just an overwhelming numbness. He had been so sure that he was still in love with Dean, though now he wasn’t sure if that was the case. He wasn’t even sure how he felt about Samandriel yet.

He had read that it might take time, that it was hard to automatically love a creature that is completely dependent on you with no personality or much more than base instincts yet. He was okay with that, in many ways. Still, he wished that he could feel something for the tiny pup. Anything at all.

“I don’t think so.” Cas said, and looked away.

It was too much for him to deal with at the moment.

*******************

That night, Samandriel didn’t leave Cas’ side. He breast fed, to the best of his ability, having been told that the pup needed to eat every 3 hours. Castiel had asked if that included at night, unfortunately the answer was yes. So Cas dutifully set alarms from 7pm that night until 10am the next day at 3 hour increments.

Around 9pm, Cas had fallen asleep, sitting up, with Samandriel still suckling resting comfortably on the boppy pillow. Gabriel knocked on the door gently, startling the Omega. Cas blinked sleep away from his eyes, feeling how chapped the nipple was where Samandriel was latched. “Hey, little bro.” Gabriel said softly.

“Hello, Gabe.” Cas said, unlatching Alfie who was sleeping soundly curled against Cas’ belly and the boppy.

“I wanted to talk to you about something.” Gabe said, closing the door behind him. The room Ellen had given to Castiel wasn’t large, but it was decent enough to have a bassinet and a small changing station in with his bed. He kept the changing pillow on his dresser and there were a few baby seats and things littered about.

Cas nodded and Gabriel took it as an invitation to sit down.

“So you know how I was out in New York on the comedy circuit?” Gabe started.

“Of course. I’m sorry you had to cut that short for me.” Castiel said, though he didn’t sound all that sorry.

“You know it’s not your fault. I’m not mad. Actually, it’s because I left the place I was working that someone scouted me.” Gabriel shifted a little.

“Scouted? What does that mean?” Castiel asked, softly petting Alfie’s head as the pup stirred at the sound of his voice.

“It means that an agent saw my routine, and wanted to know if I wanted to audition for some T.V. roles. Mostly just being extras or having a few lines, but everyone’s got to start somewhere, right?”

“That’s wonderful, Gabriel. So where will you be living?”

“Well, that’s the thing. New York is great for the comedy circuit, but Hollywood East is where all the magic is happening. Boston, for the most part. If I play my cards right, after a few years we might be able to get up to Vancouver, too. Then LA.” Gabriel nodded excitedly.

“So you’ll be moving to Boston?” Castiel asked.

“Well, here’s the thing, I want you and Alfie to come with us. Look, you’re my family and as great as Ellen and Bobby have been, you’re my responsibility.” Gabriel stated.

Castiel bristled. He wasn’t anyone’s responsibility. “No, I’m not.” He said.

“Okay, fine, but I still want you to come. Boston has some of the best schools, the best medical care, and I can support you and Alfie until you can get out on your own for real. With a house, and a garden.”

“I’d like to visit Cape Cod.” Castiel said, thinking.

“So is that a yes?” Gabriel smiled.

Castiel looked down at the sleepy pup. It was a hard decision. He and Dean were just starting to be okay being around each other again. Castiel had missed Dean all those months, but now that it came down to it, he wasn’t sure if it was something he could do.

“I’ll think about it.”

Gabriel nodded, going over to kiss the tiny pup and then Castiel atop his head. Castiel smiled, feeling happy that Gabriel was so supportive of him. Gabriel had tried to help as much as he could. He was still trying to help. Yes, Gabe had left him, but Gabriel could never have afforded to take care of both Castiel and the pup if he had stayed in Lawrence. Still, part of Castiel wanted Dean to take on that role. And another wanted to simply go at it alone as he’d been doing. It was complicated and a hard choice.

Gabriel left the room and Cas laid on his bed mulling things over. His mind wandered to the kiss they shared nights ago. It was everything and not enough at the same time. He loved the way Dean had taken care of him that night. He missed kissing Dean. He missed Dean’s arms wrapped around him and the feeling of warmth that blossomed in Cas’ chest every time Dean was near. Still, he felt disposable.

Dean could have any omega. He was young, attractive, and smarter than he gave himself credit for. Castiel was attractive, sure. But he was socially awkward and generally naive. It wasn’t his fault, just how he grew up.

Then Cas started thinking about the night they had broken up. How Dean had said that Cas was ruining their lives. Dean never wanted the pup. So fine.

Cas would just have to work up the nerve to tell Dean.

Chapter Text

(December 20, 2011)

Christmas shopping was one of Dean’s least favorite things to do. Since the days leading up to Christmas were generally slow, Bobby let him take a Tuesday to go try and fend off the huge masses of crowds in an attempt to buy things for the people he cared about.

Still, there was barely a parking spot available as he pulled his huge black car into the parking lot at the local mall. He had already gotten Sam some porno magazines and some shaving cream (since the first would be funny to watch him open in front of Jess, and the second because his side burns had gotten out of control) as well as a very nice scarf that he found at Kohls.

He’d gotten Jo a knife for her collection, Ellen a new crock pot (since he had broken her old one attempting to make a crock-pot pie, which turned out to be a disaster for all involved), Bobby a bottle of nice bourbon, and even picked up some Smurf’s slippers for Jess to match the shirt she liked to wear to bed.

All he had to get now were gifts to Cas and Alfie.

Alfie was easy, he smiled as he strolled into Spencer Gifts, heading to the onesies that had Led Zepplin, AC/DC, and the Batman logo printed onto them. He also grabbed a sock monkey bib, he thought Cas would like that. He headed over to the toy store and grabbed a huge stuffed animal duck with soft, silky material sewn onto the underside as well as the wings. Alfie would love it.

Next was Cas.

Dean wandered around store after store looking for the perfect gift. But Cas wasn’t materialistic. He hardly owned anything he didn’t need, in fact, even before he had moved in with Dean he had almost nothing. His wardrobe was old, but functional. His shoes were comfortable, and the only thing he would replace every year or so. And his trench coat, he must’ve had it for years and still it was his only coat and he wore it year round.

He wasn’t great at cooking, but he liked baking. Still, Cas had no where to put any sort of cook wear. He had liked to run, but he wouldn’t be doing so for a while after the surgery. He liked music, but mostly classical and he already had an iPod. He didn’t need fleecy throws or mittens or boot liners. And besides, Dean had to find something that was perfect.

He stopped in Starbucks and ordered himself a plain coffee. Sitting in the window of the front of the store, watching the mall patrons walk by, Dean frowned. What could Cas want, that he would have room for, and that would mean something to him?

Was there anything?

A store down the hall a ways caught Dean’s eye. He sipped on his coffee and thought for a moment. What if Cas had everything he ever needed? What if Dean could provide that? Dean let the coffee warm his hands more as he thought about it. He could do that.

He grabbed his phone and dialed Sam’s number.

“Hey Sammy.” Dean said, affectionately when his brother answered.

“Hey, Dean. How are you?” Sam said, he was still going to be spending actual Christmas Day with Jess’ family, but he and Jess would be coming back to Kansas for New Year’s.

“I’m good, I guess.” There was a pause, Dean wasn’t sure how he was going to say it.

“You don’t sound too good.”

“I am, it’s just, uh. Look, I’m just gonna go ahead n’ spit it out. I’m gonna ask Cas to marry me. I wanna give him everything he needs, everything Samandriel needs. I need to prove that I’m not goin’ anywhere and this is the only way I can think to show I’m serious about this.” Dean paused, and there was no answer from the other line. “I just need to know you’re okay with that. You’ve always come first, you know? But now I have a pup and I need Cas to know that he’s safe with me. I’m not gonna let him down again.”

“Dean…” Sam started, “I know how you feel about him, but look, man, I don’t know if a proposal is the best thing for him, I mean he’s going through a lot. Maybe just work up to it?”

“No, this has to work. I can’t think of anything Cas wants. Because what does he want? He wants to know he’s safe, stable. I can be that. I need to show him that. I need him.”

Sam sighed through the phone. “Okay, but just don’t be too disappointed if it’s not what you’re expecting. He’s a really great person and he should be shown respect. Don’t go making a fool of yourself and him. It’s not right.”

“So do I have your blessing or what?” Dean said annoyedly.

“Yes, Dean. Of course I support you and Cas’ relationship. I love you both. Just don’t do something you’re gonna regret.”

“I won’t. Thanks, Sammy.”

Dean finished his coffee and walked down the hall to the jewelry store. He stared for a moment at the beautiful rings all in different styles and colors. A simple silver band with a small, very shiny diamond in the middle.

“May I help you, sir?” A young woman with a name tag that said “Becky” on it asked.

“Uhh, yeah. I was looking at this ring. What can you tell me about it?” Dean said, not taking his eyes off of it.

“It’s a beautiful choice, sir.” She said and her eyes started to light up, “VVS round diamond set in a thin, 950 platinum band. High quality. The diamond itself is only .01 carats, but it’s simplicity is modern and contemporary at once.” She took it out of the display case to show him. The ring felt light, but warm from being under the display lights. It was truly a beautiful ring.

“What’s the price?” Dean asked.

“$970 before tax.” Becky answered with a smile.

Dean deflated a little. It was perfect, but too expensive. It would set him back on his apartment searching by at least another 2 months if he purchased it up-front.

Becky seemed to sense his hesitation. “And, since we’re having a 20% off sale on all products over $200, it would be around $775, and we do offer financing plans for anything over $500.”

“What sort of financing plan?” Dean perked up. He had to do this. He had to prove to Cas that he was in for the long haul.

——————————

With his purchases in tow, Dean went back home.

(December 24, 2011)

Castiel was sitting on the couch with Alfie carefully placed on his breast. The wind had picked up hours ago and there was a light dusting of snow accumulating on the ground outside. Castiel briefly thought about how much money he would be spending on heat if it weren’t for Ellen and Bobby taking him in. He smiled a grateful smile and allowed his eyes to close, taking in the warmth of his beautiful son. Everything felt okay in that moment.

Dean and Bobby, however, were in the kitchen. Dean was pacing around, as Bobby sat with an open beer at the table. He was nearly impossible to read, but Dean had to get this out.

“Look, I know he and I aren’t anything right now. Goddamn it.” Dean said, losing his nerve.

“Well spit out what’cher gonna say or git out of here.” Bobby scowled. He had driveways to shovel and cars to move out of the snow before it got worse.

“I just, I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. I want to ask him to be my mate. Properly this time, I want to marry him and everything.” Dean said in a small voice. Marriage was a bit redundant, but most mates did eventually go through with it. Once you were mated you could get on each other’s health insurance, open a joint bank account, even legally change your name if you wanted. Marriage was more just the wedding. It was a celebration of love and a vow to always care for and protect your mate.

Dean had never pictured himself as the marriage type, but then again, he never pictured himself falling as hard and far as he did for Cas.

“Y’sure that’s a good idea, Dean? I mean, he’s not itchin’ to forgive you anytime soon. Might complicate things more if you two aren’t on the same page. And anyways, you should be talkin’ to Ellen about all this malarkey. I’ve got nothin’ to offer.” Bobby said, taking a long sip of his beer.

“I just, I wanted your blessing. That you think it’d be a good thing. I gotta know you support me.” Dean said, frowning.

“Of course I support you, boy. Y’re like a son to me. That ain’t never gonna change so long as I live. Y’got that?” Bobby said, looking mildly amused.

“Thanks, Bobby.”

“Y’re welcome. Now stop bein’ an idjit and either make your move or help me move the cars around.”

“Okay, yeah, I’m gonna see if Ellen will watch Alfie for a while. I’ll help you once I finish talking to Cas.”

“You do what you gotta do.”

Dean walked upstairs where Ellen was ironing one of Jo’s dresses. “Ellen?” Dean knocked on the door.

“C’m in, sweetie. What can I help you with?” Ellen said, smiling at Dean. Dean knew that Cas wouldn’t object to Ellen watching Alfie, she had been a huge help the first few nights, even waking up to make sure Cas fed him every three hours. She had taught him how to swaddle, how to change the his diapers, even how to bathe the baby.

“So, umm. I need to talk to Cas and I was hoping we could go for a little walk, but we need someone to watch Alfie. We won’t be gone more than half an hour or so.” Dean said, quickly.

Ellen eyed him suspiciously. “What do you need to talk to him for?”

Dean pulled out the tiny box with the silver band resting inside. “I want to ask Cas to marry me. He might not be ready to mate me, but maybe we could work on things if we were engaged. Maybe it’ll prove to him that I’m not going anywhere.” Dean said sadly.

Ellen frowned. “You know I love you, and I want to see you happy, right?”

Dean nodded.

“Good,” Ellen continued, “I don’t know if this is such a good idea, Dean. Cas is going through a lot of changes in his life and I’m not sure you can just spring this on him. I’ll watch Alfie, but maybe you two should just talk a bit, see how that goes first.”

Dean nodded again, his mind already made up. “Thanks, Ellen.”

Dean and Ellen walked down the stairs to where Cas sat with Alfie.

“Heya, Cas. I was hoping maybe Ellen could watch Alfie for a few minutes while you and I went for a walk?”

“A walk?” Cas asked, frowning.

“Yeah, you know. The whole neighborhood looks like Narnia when it snows. I just thought it might be fun to go walk around a little, if you want.” Dean said.

Cas looked over to Ellen with an unsure expression. Ellen just smiled and walked over to pick up Alfie, who was sleeping soundly with soft hiccups from not being burped yet.

“Okay, I suppose we can do that.” Cas said, getting up and tying his boots. Once all of his clothes were on, they set out into the snow, watching the small flakes flutter around them, feeling the cool crunch of leaves that were left over and frozen on the ground. It was beautiful, the lights, the way ice hung onto the trees and how the ground looked like it had yet to be disturbed except from the way that they came.

They walked in amicable silence for a few minutes. After a little while, Cas said, “I have something to tell you, Dean.”

Dean smiled, hoping that Cas was going to tell him that he had finally forgiven him and would let him back into his life.

“I have something to tell you too.” Dean grinned.

“Okay, why don’t I go first?” Cas said, his expression guarded.

“I think mine has something to do with yours,” Dean kept smiling, he pulled out the little box and held it tight in his hand, about to drop down onto one knee.

“I’m moving to Boston with Gabriel.” Cas said, frowning at Dean who was dropping to his knee, “What are you doing?”

Dean was shocked.

He knelt there, in the snow, staring at Cas for what felt like an eternity. Cas was moving away. This reeked of Gabriel. How could he do that? He must know that Dean was the best for Cas, right? Maybe?

“Don’t go,” Was all Dean could manage to say, holding the box with the little ring inside out to Cas to see.

“Dean, wha- what is this?” Cas said, staring down at Dean who was holding the small box out toward him.

“I wanted to go for a walk so I could ask you to marry me. I wanna prove to you I’m not going anywhere. I wanna prove that I’m gonna be the Alpha I should’ve been all along. Please, I need you.” Dean’s voice was raw, he was on the verge of tears.

“Dean, I…” Cas was shaking his head, and Dean knew he had to react.

“It’s okay if you need some time to think it over.” Dean attempted a smile.

Cas gave him a pained expression. “I’m sorry, Dean. It’s a no. I can’t marry you… We’re not even dating. I still haven’t forgiven you.” Cas sighed, “I’m moving across the country in a few weeks time. I’m sorry.”

Dean looked down at the perfect ring he had picked out for Cas. “Please, Cas. Don’t leave me.” He let a tear fall down his cheek, it was all so difficult.

“I’m sorry.” Cas said, his voice strained. “I think we should go back inside.” And he walked back in, leaving Dean in the cold falling snow.

*************************

Dean stormed down the hall to where Gabriel was staying.

“Gabriel!” Dean yelled, pounding on the door. Cas had gone back to resting with Samandriel on the couch, so Dean could speak to Gabriel privately.

“What’s up, Deano?” Gabriel said, the mischievous glimmer that normally sparked his eyes was somehow dulled, guarded. He knew what Dean was there for.

“This whole moving thing is bullshit and you know it! I know you put the idea in Cas’ head to leave me, but we’re making progress! He and I are getting better and if you feel like you need to fuck with it then kindly back off!” Dean was yelling now.

“No. I told Cas that if he wanted to come with, then I could support him. But yeah, now that you mention it, I do think Cas could do way better than a poor excuse for an Alpha like you. You’re not good enough for him!” Gabriel matched Dean’s intensity.

“Cas still wants to be with me, I can feel it! You’re just trying to take them away from me!”

“I’m not trying to do anything Dean, you can fuck up all on your own.” Gabriel glared.

“I won’t let this happen. I have just as much a right to be part of that pup’s life. I’m sorry for leaving Cas, but I’m here now and I won’t let you take them away.” Dean said with conviction laced in his voice.

“Yeah? And what are you going to do? Huh? What power do you have over me or Cas or the baby?” Gabriel mocked.

“I’ll… I’ll…” He wasn’t actually sure what he could do. What could he do? But something in Gabriel’s amused expression made him nearly snap. “I’ll fight for custody over Alfie!” Dean yelled, and much to Dean’s satisfaction, Gabriel’s face fell.

“No, you won’t.” A deep voice came from the doorway. Castiel sighed and then continued, “Dean, don’t you think you’ve put us through enough?” Castiel asked in such a small, wounded voice that broke Dean’s heart. The Omega crossed his arms and curled in on himself to make himself seem smaller. And Dean understood.

Dean did this. Dean broke Cas in every way that it mattered.

It wasn’t Gabriel trying to lure Cas away from Dean. Dean was poison. Dean was toxic. Anyone who cared about Cas should recommend that he get away from Dean. If Sammy were in Cas’ position Dean would make sure the guy never even saw the pup. Cas was genuinely trying to make things work. And Gabriel was giving him the freedom to make things work.

Dean felt lost and broken. “I’m sorry, Gabe.” He nodded and then quickly brushed past Cas to leave the room.

(December 25, 2011)

Christmas came and went with a tight air about it. Ellen made a delicious Christmas dinner, and everyone exchanged gifts. Bobby and Ellen got Cas and Alfie a bunch of essentials, Diapers, wipes, breast pads, diaper rash ointment, and more clothes for Alfie. He’d also received a mustache pacifier from Sam along with $50 for Alfie’s savings account, an electric heating pad from Jo, the complete Catherine Tate Show series from Gabriel, a new daily planner from Balthazar, and some onesies with band names on them from Dean. He supposed that the ring was probably his gift, but he couldn’t accept that.

Castiel didn’t have a lot money to spend on gifts, but he had put a lot of thought into them. For Jo, he bought a small shadow box for her smaller knives. For Ellen, a new fleece jacket since her old one had a hole in it. He also knitted Ellen a small shall that could be a scarf or a small blanket. For Bobby he gave a Certificate to a small spa downtown, one that offered pedicures as well as deep-tissue massage (something Bobby would never admit to liking, but Ellen had assured him it was a perfect gift).

He bought Gabriel a book along the lines of “How To Tell Jokes: For Dummies,” and a new sweater vest. He even bought Sam a new plaid shirt and some nice driving gloves.

Dean was another story.

He had wanted to get Dean something nice, something simple. He also wanted to leave Dean with something to remember him by, since he was leaving. He found it at a little antique shop.

Dean tore the wrapping paper carelessly, already frowning because the small box was from Cas. Cas could see the thought process, the string of hope, when beneath the wrapping paper revealed a small velvet box. Dean looked over to Castiel, who met his look with a somber expression. Inside the box, a locket pendant rested on a thin silver chain. The locket had a pair of wings etched onto the front in an extravagant design. Inside the locket there was a picture of Alfie, Cas just almost completely out of the picture, and a tiny piece of hair tied with a tiny ribbon.

Dean picked up the locket and ran his thumb over the smooth metal. Just beneath it, there was a paper folded on itself a bunch of times to make it as small as possible. Dean unfolded the letter:

Dear Dean,

I’ve spent the last few months being angry. Angry at you, angry at myself, even angry at Samandriel. I’ve been hapless, hopeless, and tired. There are nights that I wish that I had died, because it would be better than being so deeply in love with someone that could so easily throw me away.

That being said, you will always be a part of my life and Samandriel’s life. I’m tired of being angry, I’m tired of being tired. I am making the conscious effort to forgive you. I don’t want to end up bitter because I can’t let go of the past and look to the future. Samandriel is my future. Boston is my future. By now I hope I’ve figured out a way to tell you that I’m moving, if not, surprise. I know that Gabriel will take care of us, that he has our best interests at heart.

Still, I hope that we can move on and be friends. We created a miracle together, a small life that we created. I hope someday we both find love, real love. I hope we both find peace. And I pray to God that we can learn to work together, to support each other, and to co-parent our child.

This is goodbye, Dean.

Part of me wishes to stay and try and make whatever it is we’ve got going on between us work, but I know I need space. I need to figure out who I am now. I feel as though I’ve fallen in every way possible, and now I need to rebuild and carve out a new way. I need that freedom.

I still want to talk to you. If possible, I’m hoping we could talk on the phone at least once a week so I can update you on Samandriel and we can catch up. If you don’t want to, I understand, I said before that I would let you determine the involvement you want with Samandriel.

Goodbye.

Wishing you the best,
Castiel

Cas wouldn’t meet Dean’s eye for the rest of the night.

Chapter Text

(December 31/January 1, 2011/2012)

New Years Eve was a bittersweet occasion. Castiel was set to move the following week. In Dean’s mind, this was his last chance. They had spoken briefly, deciding that Thursday nights would be best, since Castiel had no job yet and Dean worked a half shift on Thursdays.

Castiel had puttered around the house, making little snacks and tending to Alfie. The Omega hardly let the pup out of his sight, only very rarely to do something absolutely essential like shower or sleep. Even then Ellen was his main choice for watching the tiny pup. Jo being a close second.

After Christmas, it wasn’t hard for Dean to tell that Cas was avoiding him. And he was surprisingly good at it. He was hardly alone, always chatting with Sam or Jess after they had arrived, or Jo or Ellen. It was frustrating, so Dean came up with a plan.

Dean had invited Cas into the monopoly game as was tradition. Announcing that Cas should play in front of everyone else gave Cas no choice. They all started complaining for him to join in and eventually Cas relented and sat down at the game board. Dean was always the race car, Sam was always the dog, Jo was most often the battle ship, and Ellen favored the thimble. Bobby almost always took the wheel barrel, though occasionally he would take the hat and say that it was the only fancy hat he’d ever choose as he adjusted his dirty old cap. Castiel looked at the iron, still holding the pup in his other arm even though he was fast asleep.

They played for a while, Sam (as usual) ahead of everyone by thousands. Everyone except Cas, who was only a few hundred from Sam. Dean kept landing on the “Go Directly To Jail” space, to which he would beg Cas to give up one of his “get out of jail free” cards, Cas having acquired the community chest one as well as the chance card one. Cas would smile and give a polite “No, Dean.”

It went on for a few hours, stopping every 15 minutes or so to watch Dick Clark or for Cas to feed Alfie if he began to stir. Eventually it got too difficult and competitive for Cas to continue to hold the pup, so Dean grabbed the bassinet and brought it out to the kitchen where they were playing.

Then Dean broke out some wine, claiming that if he was going to get his ass whooped by Cas and Sam he might as well be drunk. He poured glasses for everyone, including Cas who frowned. But Jo nudged him, with a smile saying, “Don’t worry, Alfie has plenty of formula and you can just pump and dump. Besides you’ve got enough milk in the freezer to last a few days at least.” Cas nodded and sipped his wine. When he was about half-way through, Dean filled his glass again with a smile. Cas thanked him and gave him a small, private smile, the wine coloring his cheeks slightly.

By 11:20 they decided to call it a night, conceding that Cas and Sam had tied (even though Cas had about $300 more at the end of the game, but who’s really counting?) the gang had headed into the living room as Dean and Sam began to fight over licorice and Cas went to lay down in his bedroom. He’d had perhaps 3 glasses of wine during monopoly, so he was feeling warm and a little tingly.

Cas brought Alfie into his room, building a small nest of pillows and placing the pup in the center of the bed. He laid down next to the baby, who was cooing in his sleep. Dean knocked on the door quietly.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean smiled at the way Cas looked so in love with their pup.

“Hello, Dean.” Cas responded, not taking his eyes of the sweet child before him.

“You’re not going to celebrate with us?”

Cas gave him a thoughtful look, “You can come in if you like.”

Dean didn’t need to be asked twice, he slipped his shoes off and laid on the other side of Samandriel, so he could look at the beautiful Omega and his pup. “You should come back out for the countdown.” Dean said, a sense of hope rising in his chest that he had to fight to keep down.

“Perhaps. It’s already the new year on the East Coast.” Cas said, his expression unchanged.

“Think it’s gonna be different there?” Dean asked. It was a sore subject, and not one that he particularly wanted to talk about, but the fact that Cas was talking to him made any subject seem like a good idea.

“Gabriel says it’s much busier. They get a lot more snow, and it’s cold in general. The people, according to Gabriel, are somewhat rude. Everyone is in a rush.” Cas frowned.

“That sounds kind’f awful.” Dean commented, trying to make his voice as neutral as possible.

“But there are things I’m excited about. They allow same gender marriages. Omega-Omega or Alpha-Alpha. Which is good. There’s a bunch of historical places to visit, there’s even a town called Winchester. Plus, I’d like to go to Salem someday, just to check it out. And they say ‘wicked’ there. As in ‘that was wicked fun,’ or ‘you’re wicked smart.’ Gabriel has been driving me crazy with that word.” Cas said with a smile, stroking Alfie’s hair.

Dean hadn’t realized how genuinely excited Cas was to go live in Boston. He had just figured that Cas didn’t really care so much. Then, for the first time in over a year, Dean smelled Cas. He could smell worry, fear, sadness all radiating off the Omega. Omegas didn’t have much of a scent when they were pregnant or in the time immediately after birth. They didn’t need one as they wouldn’t get a heat and therefore were not trying to attract a mate.

Now, clear as day, Dean could smell the warm cinnamon scent he knew as Cas flooding his senses with emotion. As quickly as it came, it was gone. Dean resisted the urge to pull Cas over to him and scent him properly. They laid there in silence for what felt like hours, until Dean broke it.

“Lets go back out.” Dean said, hoping the Omega would like the idea.

Cas nodded, “Okay, but…” Cas looked away.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked, his brow furrowed with concern.

“It’s just… I’m not feeling well is all.” Cas said, looking away.

Dean felt deflated. “Oh, well if you wanna stay here that’s fine, too.”

Cas shook his head, “No. No. Let’s go out. I’ll be okay.” Cas handed Alfie over to Dean and Dean tried to hide the surprise from that. It wasn’t as though Dean wasn’t allowed to hold Alfie, but he hardly had the chance since he was always in Cas’ arms.

They walked into the living room, just as the countdown began. “Five… Four… Three…Two… One… Happy New Year!” They all chanted and yelled. Bobby kissed Ellen immediately, and Jess kissed Sam. Even more surprising was that Cas cupped Dean’s face, pulling him into a soft kiss as well. They all clinked their glasses of champagne (cheap stuff, but still good) and drank them slowly.

Dean stayed close to Cas. Every now and again getting a whiff of him. It was torture, but addicting as well. Cas, Dean, and Alfie settled onto the couch, Alfie just stirring slightly and Cas struggling to keep his eyes open. Ellen smiled at the sight.

“Cas,” She said gently, “You haven’t gotten more’n a few hours sleep since that pup was born. How about tonight you let him sleep in my room. We’ll move the bassinet in. We’ll get up with him in the mornin’ and you can sleep in, alright sweetie?”

Cas looked unsure for a second, but Dean could see the darkness under Cas’ eyes. For the first time in a long time, Dean took a good, hard look at Cas. He was thin, for an Omega who had just given birth about a month ago. He looked pale, tired. Sad.

“C’mon, Cas,” Dean said, “He’ll be just down the hall. You can go get him if you need to.”

Cas nodded. “Thank you, Ellen. That sounds lovely.” He bent down to kiss the small child’s head and smiled down at him before surrendering him to Ellen. Castiel got up slowly, his head still foggy from the wine, and his body feeling warm. He walked up to his bedroom, opening the door and pausing when he felt Dean’s gaze.

“We could… Hang out.” Cas offered.

“In your room?” Dean said, surprise on his face.

“Yes.” Cas answered simply.

“Okay.” Dean said, shuffling into the room behind Cas.

Dean stood awkwardly in Castiel’s room, his nervousness making Cas’ nose twitch in displeasure. Cas wasn’t having any of Dean’s nonsense. He knew what he wanted.

Cas strode over to Dean, stopping just centimeters away from him. “I’m leaving next week.” Cas whispered.

“So is this, like, a ‘last night on Earth’ speech?” Dean said amusedly. He didn’t like the idea of Cas and Alfie leaving, but he also didn't want to pass up whatever was going on here.

“I suppose so.” Cas replied evenly, before capturing Dean’s lips with his own. Cas put everything he was feeling into the kiss: loss, hunger, desperation, depression. He ran his tongue over Dean’s bottom lip, seeking entrance, which was well received. Dean quickly deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms around the omega and pulling him close. They stayed like that, wrapped in each other for what seemed like an eternity before Dean started guiding them towards Cas’ bed.

Dean gently laid Castiel down, supporting his head as he tried not to break the kiss. Cas felt warm, almost too warm, and Dean suddenly stopped and looked at Cas.

“What’s wrong?” Cas asked, out of breath and looking flushed.

“Are you going into heat?” Dean said, his voice breaking. Maybe Cas didn’t want him after all, just any alpha who could sate him.

“No, not really.” Cas explained, “At my check up, my doctor said that I could have pseudo-heats while I’m breast feeding. That’s what this is. I won’t be fertile again until my scent returns completely and I go through a full heat. I want this.”

Dean nodded and dove back in to kiss Cas. He began unbuttoning the omega’s shirt and pants. He stopped to look at Cas once he was unclothed. The Omega’s skin was looser, his belly still swollen slightly by the changes his body had gone through. A long, pink scar ran from just beneath his navel down to his pelvis. Dean noticed the way he looked away, squaring his jaw as if he were waiting for a nasty comment about his physique. His breasts were more rounded now, and Dean tentatively cupped one to which Cas made an “Ahhh” sound and his nipple began to leak slightly. “You’re so beautiful, Cas.” Dean said, licking at Cas’ neck.

Dean ran the pad of his thumb over the tiny nub and began to rub gentle circles. The stimulation was so gentle, but to his over sensitive nipples it sent waves of pleasure down Cas’ body. He moaned lowly.

Dean managed to get himself out of his own shirt, then pulled Cas’ pants down to expose his boxer-briefs. Sometimes Cas liked to wear panties, but often they were large and unattractive. Dean used to call them his “Granny Panties” which he normally reserved for heats or when he was wearing a skirt that his boxers would leave him feeling too naked.

The boxer-briefs framed Castiel nicely.

Dean licked and nipped at Cas’ neck, dragging more breathy moans out of the Omega. “Dean, please.” He begged. So Dean reached his hand beneath the band of Cas’ underwear and began to push a finger into Cas’ slick hole. Cas pushed back, moaning as Dean twisted his finger against his walls.

It wasn’t long before Dean added another finger, scissoring him open and bending down to lick at the Omega’s cock through his underwear. Cas was panting and moaning, and Dean was growing painfully hard. He slid Cas’ underwear down his legs so he could see Castiel’s body. All together, it scared Dean. A rush of emotions washed over him. Regret, fear, adoration. Dean decided to push them down as he took Cas in his mouth. Cas, who had been watching Dean stop and could smell the emotions radiating off him gasped in surprise as Dean took him all the way to the back of his throat, and began moaning loudly as Dean continued to open him.

“Ah, Dean,” Castiel breathed, “You, you need to stop- I’m- I’m going to come and I want to do so with you inside me.”

Dean growled and released Castiel’s cock with a “pop.”

Dean lined up, ready to press in when another thought occurred to him. “Cas,” he frowned, he really wanted to press into the Omega, “I’m not gonna hurt you, am I? You’re healed up enough for this?”

Cas nodded violently. “Yes, now please!” Cas whined. And Dean pushed himself into Cas’ tight hole.

They both moaned once Dean was fully sheathed. After a moment, Cas demanded “Move, Dean.”

Dean didn’t have to be asked twice. He started thrusting, gently, in to the hot wetness that surrounded him. He wanted to jackhammer his hips, to push violently until his knot snagged, but he needed to be gentle. Cas needed him to be gentle. Eventually, Dean hit the spot inside Cas that had him leaking all over.

The moment Dean pressed into Cas, Cas’ mind had gone blank. He was going on instinct. Feeling without thinking. Everything else melted away and all he could do was feel his mate.

When Dean hit the spot inside of Cas that made him see white and got at an angle to continue to hit it over and over and over again, Castiel was lost. All he could think was mate, claim me, Dean, mate, claim me, Dean over and over.

“Bite me, Dean” He said in little more than a whisper.

Dean was sure he’d heard wrong. That it was a trick. Cas wouldn’t really want him to claim him. To mate him. He could feel his knot start to swell and the wetness of Cas’ body was so delicious, he couldn’t stop.

“Dean!” Cas said, louder this time, “Bite me! Alpha, Please!”

Dean knew that Cas was moving in a week. He knew that this wasn’t what he wanted. But damn if he didn’t want Cas to be his. He could order him to stay if they were mated. He could have him forever.

Dean’s knot caught at Castiel’s rim, making the Omega cry out, spilling his seed between them. Dean sucked, hard, on Castiel’s neck. Dean could feel his inner wolf trying to take over, looking to bite. He could feel his teeth grow sharper with the promise of a mate. He licked the spot on Castiel’s neck he wanted to aim for. His mouth glued to Cas’ neck as he came inside the Omega.

They fell asleep still tied together.

*********************************

After a few hours, Cas woke up with a soreness in his neck and aching all over. A sharp pain had settled in his abdomen, causing him to whimper. It was still dark, so it had to be before 8am. He couldn’t remember much of last night after he and Dean went back to his bedroom, only that they had sex. Dean’s arm was wrapped protectively around him, warm and heavy against the dangers of the world outside. He whimpered again when a fresh wave of pain washed over him.

Dean stirred slightly, opening his eyes to see a pained expression on Cas’ face. His eyes opened wide. “Cas, are you okay? Did I hurt you?” He asked, pulling Cas close and pressing lazy kisses anywhere he could find skin.

“No, it wasn’t you.” Cas said, “My body is still recovering. I probably just pushed too far. Would you get me my heating pad please?”

“Yeah, of course,” Dean said and got out of bed. He returned a few minutes later with the microwaveable heating pad and a cup of tea with some tylenol. Dean helped Cas to sit up, too weak to do so on his own, letting Cas lean on him for support as he drank some tea and took the medicine.

They stayed like that for a long time, Dean’s arm wrapped protectively around Cas, still pressing faint kisses to Cas’ hair and temple. The kind of kisses where his jaw would stay closed but his lips would be pressed against anywhere he could reach without turning.

“Thank you for this, Dean.” Cas said, smiling lightly.

“It’s no problem, Cas. Anything for you.” Dean said, pressing another kiss to Cas’ forehead.

They sat in silence for a while. Neither of them looking to break the fragile thing that they had.

Eventually, a thought occurred to Cas. “You didn’t bite me.” He said, unsure if Dean had fallen back asleep or not.

“No, I didn’t.” Dean said after a beat, giving Cas a sad smile.

“Why not? You could’ve claimed me. I wouldn’t be allowed to move away from you. You could order me not to. You could’ve had me forever.” Cas said, squinting at Dean and tilting his head slightly.

“Do you want to be mated to me?” Dean asked, now, out of the heat of the moment things were a little easier to process.

“No.” Cas said simply.

Dean deflated. That felt like a punch to the gut.

Cas seemed to pick up on that. “I mean not yet. I don’t know. I know I want to go to Boston. I know I want to go back to school and make something of myself. I’ve been accepted to Holy Cross. I know that I want to go… Still. Dean, I-”

Dean frowned. Cas was crying now, long sobs that made him shake and impossible to catch his breath. Dean rubbed soothing circles into Cas’ back, continuing to kiss him.

“I think I love you.” Cas said, tears making his eyes look impossibly blue and Dean was taken back to their first time. When Cas had said the same thing. He wished, so much, that he could go back in time, to slap himself and make sure he never left Cas. Because after all, Dean still felt the same way.

“I love you too, Castiel. I don’t think I’ll ever be more in love with another person. I can’t imagine my life without you and Samandriel. I feel like I’m dying every time you talk about moving. I want to be with you. I love you so much.” And Dean could feel tears stream down his face to match Cas, who looked at him with shiny, wet lashes and beautiful blue eyes. Cas waited a moment, searching Dean’s eyes for anything to believe that what he had just said was a lie, but there was nothing Dean believed was more true. Cas kissed Dean, hard and passionate, until their tears dried and they began to rut up against each other again.

This time wasn’t as gentle. It was passionate and rough. Cas was still nicely stretched from their earlier endeavor, and since the tylenol dulled the pain he was ready. Dean pressed back into Cas and began thrusting in smooth, liquid motions, Cas’ hips living to meet him and to feel all that he could of his Alpha inside of him.

Dean nipped at Cas’ neck, singing soft praises, “So beautiful, Cas. Love you so much. My beautiful Omega.”

When Cas came with a silent scream, Dean pushed himself in hard and deep. He released again with his hands on Castiel’s hips, feeling a soft roundness where sharp curves had once been. Still, Dean loved Cas’ body. More so he loved his spirit. His determination. His ability to forgive. His ability to see good in everything. His strength.

“I love you, Cas.” Dean kissed into Castiel’s skin. As if he could make Cas absorb the words if he said them enough.

“I love you too, Dean.” Cas replied, rubbing small circles into Dean’s hand that rested gently on Cas’ belly.

Once they were sated and content, Castiel turned as best he could to Dean.

“Move to Massachusetts with us.” Cas said, quietly.

Dean had thought about it. He had even called someone about an apartment not far from Boston. But he also didn’t want to seem like a creepy Alpha stalker who followed the Omega he was not in a relationship with across the country.

“If I move to Massachusetts, will you marry me?” Dean asked, brushing Cas’ hair out of his face.

“Shouldn’t you be on one knee?” Cas asked, a mischievous smile no doubt a mimic of Gabriel’s across his lips.

“I can’t really do that until my knot goes down, but…” Dean said pulling his jacket off the floor and grabbing the little box hidden in his inner pocket. “Castiel Novak, would you marry me and let me take care of you as best I can until the day that I die?”

Cas smiled, “Yes. Dean Winchester, I will marry you, and someday mate you.”

Dean slipped the ring onto Castiel’s finger. It was a little loose, but they could get it resized. They smiled and kissed each other until they were both too tired and fell asleep. They could figure out logistics later.

Somehow, Castiel knew, no matter what path he took, he would always end up here in Dean’s arms.

Chapter Text

(January 1, 2012)

Castiel woke up first, rubbing his eyes and frowning deeply at the warm lump beside him. What had happened last night? He brought his hand to a bruise on his neck. Right, Dean.

He smiled softly to himself. He wasn’t mated at least. Dean respected him enough not to. He slowly got up and Dean began to stir beside him.

“Hey sweetheart,” Dean said with a yawn. They were both still naked, and without wine in his blood and with the harsh daylight streaming through the window Castiel felt self conscious.

“Good morning, Dean.” Castiel said shyly, wrapping himself in a blanket and looking for his clothes.

The air was tense around him, but Cas looked down and saw the ring resting on his finger. Fuck. What was he doing? He felt the sadness that had been creeping into his soul since Samandriel was born. A deep, raw ache that would cripple him and make it hard to breathe. Dread, regret, fear.

Dean twitched his nose at the scent of it. “Cas, c’mon. What’s wrong?”

“I just, everything is happening so quickly. I’m sorry for what I said last night, but I think I need to take some time to re-evaluate.” Cas said, slipping the ring off his finger, attempting to hand it back to Dean.

“No, Cas. It’s yours. I love you and that’s the way I can show it. Please keep it. I get you still need space, we’ll figure out the logistics of moving out east later. You’ll still go with Gabe and Balthazar and then eventually I’ll get an apartment and we’ll take it from there, okay?”

“It might be months before you can move out there.” Cas said, and Dean could feel relief radiating off of him.

“Probably at least a couple. But I’ll call every day. I’ll try and visit as much as I can. I’ll even take a plane if I need to.”

“You hate flying.”

“I sure do. But I’d do it for you.”

“Okay.” Cas smiled, a careful, tentative smile.

“Okay.”

They walked into the kitchen to see if Alfie was awake, Dean’s arm wrapped around Cas, but instead of Ellen, Gabriel was sitting in the kitchen having just gotten home from the party he had gone to the night prior.

“And what do we have here?” Gabe eyed Dean suspiciously, eyes locked on the Alpha with his arm around Cas.

“Gabriel please…” Cas said, raising his hands in surrender to appease the Beta.

“And what the fuck is that?” Gabriel grabbed Castiel’s wrist, making him gasp. He studied the ring carefully, then turned to glare at Dean. “So this was your plan, huh? Get him drunk and try and court him? You piece of shit. Why don’t you just stay out of our lives like you’d always planned to?” Gabriel spat.

“Hey, what the hell, man?” Dean said defensively, “Cas and I will always have a bond. We are true mates, after all.”

Cas and Gabriel both turned to glare at Dean, Castiel said “No, we’re not,” Just as Gabriel said “No, you’re not.”

“Sure we are,” Dean pressed.

“You’re an idiot who keeps stringing my brother along. You’re nothing, Dean. Why don’t you leave so Cas can actually have a chance at happiness. Why can’t you just let him pick up the pieces!” Gabriel was close to Dean now, who was still wrapped around Cas in a defensive manner.

“You have no right to talk to me like that! I am Cas’ mate!” Dean yelled, and Gabe paled.

Gabe turned to Cas, “Did he bite you?” He asked quietly.

“No, Gabe. I asked him to though. It’s true that Dean and I share a more profound bond.” Cas said contemplatively.

“I don’t care if you were stitched together at the hip, he’s still a sad son of a bitch who can’t step up when it matters. Do you really believe that this changes anything? Do you really believe that he’ll stick around? You’re 20, Cas. Barely. You’ve still got growing and maturing and figuring out to do. You’ve still got a shot at happiness, but not if you let the first Alpha you let bed you have you forever!”

“I know this, Gabriel, and I understand you are upset. That’s why Dean and I are not mated. I understand statistically that we won’t work out. I understand that Dean has lost a certain amount of trust that I’m not sure I’ll be able to give again. Still, it is my choice to have a relationship with the father of my child!” Cas was yelling now too, and Dean growled at the Beta. Dean stepped in front of Cas in a protective manner. Even though Gabe was Cas’ brother, he was upsetting him and Dean’s alpha instincts told him that he needed to protect his Omega.

“Don’t fucking do that!” Gabriel yelled as Dean stepped in front of Cas. Gabriel took a step forward and landed a hard punch right on Dean’s nose, which immediately started bleeding and had him sputtering, seeing red.

Dean made an attempt to swing at Gabriel, but Cas grabbed his arm and held tight to it. Dean tried to throw the Omega away, to be able to fight the Beta, but Cas held firm on Dean’s arm.

“BOTH OF YOU KNOCK IT OFF!” A harsh voice came from the doorway. Ellen. She had Samandriel swaddled and cooing softly in her arms. Cas immediately let go of Dean who was still panting harsh breaths trying to calm down.

Cas went over to Ellen, thanked her for watching Samandriel overnight, and took him into the other room to feed him. It wasn’t long before Gabriel came in.

“Look, I’m sorry I hit your fiancé. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again. Gabriel sighed into his hands. You’re my little bro. It’s my job to take care of you. But how am I supposed to do that when you can’t see that what you’re doing will get you hurt?”

“I love him.” Cas said in a quiet voice.

“And when I was 20, I loved someone. And then someone else. And then someone else. I hate to pull this card, but you’re hormonal, you’re barely an adult. You shouldn’t be making these decisions after a night of sex and drinking.”

“I know. But he told me he loved me. He said it. In all the time we dated he never once said it. Even when he asked me to marry him on Christmas eve he never said it. I know it’s a weak argument, but I know he means it. I want to try. I want to be happy.” Cas said with a heavy sigh.

“That’s all I want too. But Dean might not be the way to achieve it. You got accepted to a great school. You’ve got me and Balth to support you. Don’t throw that away to become a house Omega for a guy who doesn’t respect you.”

“I won’t. Thank you for your concern, Gabriel.” Cas said bitterly. “He’s going to move out to Massachusetts. To be with me. Not the other way around.”

Gabriel nodded. “Okay, stay engaged if you want, but please let this be a long engagement, and don’t get mated until after you’re married. Please. For me.” Gabriel pleaded.

“I want to finish school first. I want to have a career and stability and I need to make sure that Samandriel is cared for above all else.”

“Good. Okay. You don’t have my blessing, but I promise not to punch Dean again until he does something else stupid.” Gabe smiled.

“That’s fair.” Cas smiled back, holding his child close.

************************

(April 1, 2012)

Cas hadn’t seen Dean much since he moved to Massachusetts. The move went surprisingly well, smooth and easy. It was hard to say goodbye to Bobby, Ellen, and Jo, but they were all invited back for the holidays which they gladly accepted. Gabe and Balthazar had a decent sized condo in Sudbury, not far from Boston, but the commute for Cas to Worcester was a bitch. Gabriel had bought Cas a car. Nothing fancy for extraordinary. Just a little 2007 Chevrolet Cobalt. It was white.

Castiel started school back in late January with online classes. Next semester he would be taking full time classes, but for the time being he worked and stayed home with Samandriel. He had gotten a job at a Christian book store called Morning Star, in Auburn. A man named Lucifer owned it, but everyone called him Luci. It was a bit of a drive from Sudbury, but since Dean was moving to the next town over and they both agreed that Dean’s place should be Alfie’s home base, Cas didn’t mind. He had to go on campus for his online classes twice a week anyways, and that wasn’t far from the bookstore.

Gabriel’s job was going well. He was to be an extra in 3 upcoming movies that would be shot in Boston. He even had a few lines in one of them. Not only that, but he discovered he had a knack for writing scripts as well. He was called upon for think tanks and anytime a comedian drew a blank for an episode. He liked working with Louis CK the best, out in New York City.

Castiel and Gabriel made a conscious effort to go to church. It was something that Cas had pleaded with Gabriel to do with him. They found a liberal little church not far from where they lived and instantly fell in love. Gabriel eventually took over the sign in from of the church, using clever blurbs to draw more attention to the church such as: “What’s missing in CH_ _CH?” or “Hipster Jesus Loved You Before It Was Cool” or “Free Trip To Heaven- Details Inside.” Needless to say, even Gabriel looked forward to going on Sunday morning.

Dean had found a 2 bedroom apartment just outside of Worcester, in a town called Millbury. It was a good price and large, a decent living room, a huge master bedroom, and a smaller (though still larger than any bedroom Dean ever had) second bedroom. His move in day was April first.

Castiel fed Alfie. He was still trying to breast feed as much as possible, but the 6 month old was growing a much bigger appetite than Cas could supply. He started to introduce mushed up carrots, peas, apples, and rice cereal. Alfie ate every last drop of all of his meals.

It was April first, Gabriel’s favorite holiday, so he was waiting for something to happen. Luckily, it was Balthazar who peed on the saran wrap covering the toilet bowl, which Castiel selfishly thought: Better him than me. It didn’t last long, though. When Castiel went to clean up the carrot mess that Alfie had made, he turned on the sink and was immediately soaked. A rubber band around the sprayer locked firmly in place. Gabriel had also booby trapped his bedroom, when Castiel went in to grab the book he was reading which was mysteriously on Gabriel’s bed. He tripped over a piece of wire and fell face first onto Gabriel’s bed, twisting his ankle in the process. Cas immediately called Gabriel to yell at him for that one, what if he had been holding Alfie?

For once Gabriel seemed actually apologetic, and Cas gathered everything Balthazar would need to look after Alfie while he helped Dean move in. He kissed his son goodbye and drove out towards Worcester.

Cas was excited as he waited at the address for Dean to come. He had Balthazar watch Samandriel for the day so he could help Dean move in. Cas lit up when he saw Dean’s giant black car round the corner on to the street, Sam following closely in a UHAUL truck.

They set up Dean’s apartment, Cas doing more of the unwrapping of dishes and putting the kitchen together and Sam and Dean did more of the heavy lifting. When they were done with the heavier stuff, they joined Cas in the kitchen with a case of beer and a few large pizzas. Cas and Sam liked mushroom pizza, Dean liked everything pizza, and they all ate the buffalo chicken pizza.

Something had seemed, different about Sam. Before Cas could realize what he was doing, he was staring at Sam, squinting his eyes and tilting his head.

“You okay, Cas?” Sam asked, uncomfortable under the scrutiny.

“You seem… Different.” Cas said, and Sam blushed.

“Me and Jess, uh, we mated.” Sam said and Dean sang a soft “Lets get it on…” To which Dean received a hit to the arm and burst out laughing.

“Congratulations, Sam.” Cas said honestly.

“Thanks, Cas.” Sam said, his cheeks a bright red color.

“But that’s not all, is it, Sammy?” Dean teased.

“No,” Sam glared at Dean, “I think Jess is pregnant.”

“Really?” Cas asked, Sam was a bit younger than Cas, he would be turning 19 in a month. He would become a parent young just as Cas had. Dean at least was 23.

“Yeah, her scent has changed and… I didn’t want to start a family so young…” Sam said, and Cas felt a sense of dread creep into his bones.

“Are you going to leave Jess?” Cas asked his tone sad.

“What? God- No! I would never…” Sam sputtered, but saw the guarded look on Dean’s face.

“I’m not going to make the same mistakes. What is history if not something to be learned from, right? Still, I’m nervous. She has family out in California, but her family is well-off, so she could live practically anywhere she wants. I was thinking maybe we could come to live here eventually. You know, be close so that Alfie and our baby can grow up together. There are plenty of great schools here. So I wouldn’t mind the transfer.”

“Good,” Cas said, “I would like that.”

They smiled and continued to put Dean’s apartment together late into the night.

****************

(June 14, 2012)

“Lets go out.” Cas said, over the phone.

“Where to?” Dean asked.

“I’ve got just the place. It’s not far from your apartment. Gabriel is taking Samandriel to get new shoes today, and you know how he gets at the mall. He loves pretending that Samandriel is his and that his mate is tragically out of the picture in order to get numbers from attractive passers-by. I’ve told him not to, but he just thinks it’s funny.”

Dean laughed a hearty laugh, “It is funny. Hey as long as it means we’ve got the day to ourselves, then he can pretend that Alfie is the queen of England for all I care. When will you be here?”

“45 minutes.”

“Cool.”

Cas arrived about 40 minutes later, unlocking the door with the key that Dean had given him. They had spoken over the phone every night, but with Cas’ summer session studies and Dean’s job, they hardly had time to see each other. It was good, actually. Being away from each other had given them both room to grow. To forgive.

It wasn’t as easy as the first time around, at first they had skirted around each other, not sure when to touch, how to act. It was frustrating. Cas had his first heat back in early March, when Dean was still back in Kansas. Cas had taken care of himself, as well as allowing Gabriel and Balthazar to take care of Alfie and to do small things like bring him water or food. Not long afterwards Cas got on birth control again, this time the kind for mated Omegas. He would never admit it, but he did believe that he and Dean were, in fact, true mates.

Cas made friends at school. A beta named Amelia who got him into rock climbing and an Alpha named Lilith that he wasn’t actually fond of, but Lilith had a crush on Amelia, so they were always together. He also met another Omega named Andy. They quickly became best friends. Dean was jealous, but he could see that there was nothing going on between Cas and Andy.

Dean’s hair was wet as he came out into the living room where Cas had made himself comfortable. He was only wearing jeans and his body was still very firm and toned. Castiel had taken up running, and rock climbing. His body was a little sharper than it had been on New Years when Dean last saw him naked, but still had an overall roundness that he would probably never be completely rid of.

“So where are we going?” Dean asked.

“Just wear something comfortable. We’ll be climbing on rocks so wear sneakers.” Cas said.

“Do I even own sneakers?”

“Yes, your black ones.”

“How did you know that?”

“Because I bought them for you when I began rock climbing and you joined me for a session.”

“Right,” Dean said, slipping the shoes on.

Once they were ready, Dean grabbed his keys and Cas smiled at him, but pulled out his own keys. “We’re taking my car.” Cas said.

“No way. I can barely fit in that thing!” Dean pouted.

“Yes, Massachusetts plates only have to pay $5 for parking. Out of state requires a $15 payment. Besides, I know where we’re going.”

Dean muttered something under his breath that Cas didn’t catch. Cas smiled and slid into the driver’s seat.

The drive wasn’t long. Cas got out to get a parking pass and parked in one of the parking lots. “So I really want to see the Devil’s Corn Crib, I was hoping we could do the Chasm Loop Trail first. Lover’s Leap is cool, too, but much more fun to look at from the top, according to Amelia.”

“What?” Dean asked, as they walked over to a sign.

“Welcome to Purgatory.” Cas said with a smile, and Dean was standing at the mouth of a giant Chasm. The sign was a bit ominous, in Dean’s opinion. It read: “Purgatory Chasm is a bold and unique landscape. Hikers beware of the dangers of this trail: slippery and deceiving rocks. The trail is one half-mile long and climbing is involved- Hikers should be physically fit. Help keep the Chasm in a natural state. Do not carry in food or beverage.”

“What are we doing? You sure you’re up for this, Cas?” Dean asked. He knew Cas was fit, but the sign got him worried. What if Cas slipped and fell? The Chasm was huge, jagged rocks and caves and places that things could go wrong. “Is it safe?”

“No one has died here for about 5 years. And even that was because the person tripped and fell while looking out of their camera and not paying attention where they were going. It’s safe if you stay focused.” Cas shrugged, stretching to keep his limbs loose for climbing. “After we do Chasm Loop trail we can do Charlie’s Loop.”

Cas headed boldly into the chasm, climbing rock after rock and hiking where the terrain was flatter. It was much cooler in the bottom of the chasm. Cas decided it would be fun to explore one of the caves, so he covered himself under a large rock and climbed down into a 15 ft cave with a little room at the bottom.

Dean didn’t see where Cas had gone, so naturally, he freaked out. “Cas?!” He yelled when the Omega disappeared from his sight. “CASSS!?!”

From deep in the Earth, Dean could hear his name. “Dean, I’m down here.” Came the muffled reply.

“Cas, are you okay? Are you hurt? I’m coming!” Dean yelled, as he shimmied his way into the underground cave. It was only about 15 ft down, but Dean slipped on one of the rocks and tumbled downward, landing on a soft pile of leaves and half on Cas.

Neither could see anything so Cas pulled his flashlight out and flicked it on. Dean groaned. “Are you alright?” Cas asked as Dean hoisted himself up.

“I thought you were stuck.” Dean said, brushing himself off. He wasn’t hurt, just his pride as the Omega began laughing, a gummy, nose-wrinkling laugh that Dean was so in love with.

Even though they were together since New Years, they really weren’t. Cas did his own things and Dean had his own stuff to do. They didn’t kiss. They didn’t sleep together. Even the nights he spent at Dean’s apartment (mostly because it was so much closer to school and work and so that Dean could watch Alfie the next day) he almost always slept in Alfie’s room or on the couch. He never slept in Dean’s bed.

“You’re an idiot.” Cas said, still giggling and now covered in dirt. Dean smiled, brushing his thumb over Cas’ cheek.

“Yeah, but only for you.” Dean said.

“Cheesy.” Cas whispered, before Dean captured his lips. They stayed in the little cave for a while, kissing and smiling.

“Wanna climb out of here?” Dean asked after the cave had begun to make Cas shiver.

“Yeah, lets go.” And with that they climbed out of the cave and out of the Chasm. There was a small stream by a sign for The Devil’s Coffin formation, so Cas knelt down and washed his face and hands in the small running stream. Once he was done, he turned to Dean who engulfed him in a large hug with a huge smile. The hug had caught Cas by surprise, so he stood there for a moment, hands by his side before he returned it.

It started to rain halfway through Charlie’s Loop trail, and the long jagged rocks were dangerous when wet, so they picked their muddy selves up. It was a long walk back to the car, and the rain was cold. Cas began to shiver.

By the time they got back to Dean’s apartment, Cas was shivering violently and his nose was running. “You’re gonna be sick.” Dean told him, as he turned the water on as hot as it would go to fill his bathtub.

“I am not.” Cas said petulantly, but glad when the tub was filled enough for him to sink his shivering body into.

Cas stayed in the tub for a long time, struggling to maintain consciousness. Eventually he got out and wrapped a towel around his waist. He could hear Dean on the phone. “Yeah, Cas isn’t feeling well. We got caught in the rain and… No, no. I can take care of him here. I can call Victor and let him know I’m not going in tomorrow night… Yeah, well, if you wouldn’t mind bringing Alfie to us, I know it’s a drive but… Mhmm. Thanks, man. We’ll see you soon.”

Castiel found his sweatpants and one of Dean’s T-shirts laid out for him in the master bedroom. He quickly shimmied into the clothes, still freezing and his throat had begun to hurt. He got under the blankets, too weak to move himself onto the couch in the living room. Dean appeared a moment later leaning in the doorway. “That was Gabriel. He’s gonna bring Alfie here. You’re gonna rest and get better.” Dean walked over to Cas and put a hand on his forehead. “You’re burning up. Let me get you some medicine.” Dean said, and returned a few minutes later with some hot peppermint tea and some tylenol.

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas said.

Cas dozed in and out over the next day and a half. He couldn’t remember what was spoken about. Only that he and Dean had talked. “We should elope. Don’t you think?” Cas had said, delirious from the fever.

“Maybe, Cas. We’ll see.” Dean said gently, letting the Omega snuggle into his chest for more warmth.

“Or perhaps we could get married on a hot air balloon.” Cas said.

“I don’t think so, Cas. I’m afraid of flying in airplanes, remember? I dunno how good I’d be in a giant balloon.”

“What about in an igloo? I’ve always wanted to visit an igloo.”

“Sure. Igloo it is. We’ll build it ourselves.”

“Dean, would you make me a peanut butter and banana sandwich?” Cas asked, eyes pleading.

“Sure,” He said and made a move to get up, but Cas groaned.

“No. No. I need a minute.” Cas said.

“You need a minute? I’m the one getting up.” Dean chuckled.

Eventually, Dean was able to meet Cas’ request. By the time he was finished preparing the sandwich the Omega was sleeping, huddled in a nest of blankets. Gabriel arrived about a half hour after that with Samandriel in tow. Dean took his son and gave him dinner, bathed him, and read him a story before bed just as he had seen Cas do. The crib that Cas had given up his own bed for now stood in the smaller bedroom, safe and warm and cozy. Alfie cooed up at him, and he turned on the mobile that Cas had made out of bookmarks he had stolen from the trash at work.

Dean turned the baby monitor he had purchased on and headed to bed with Cas. Finally, where he was meant to be.