Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was a lively Friday night, work at Carrier Man Trading winding down with only fifteen minutes left to spare. Himuro would normally clock out later, wanting to get ahead of his work, but tonight he had other more pressing matters in mind. Tonight, he was about to take a chance.

With quick precision, Himuro typed out his last email. He tried to remain focused as Washimi quietly entered the room.

“Trying to leave earlier than usual, sir?”

“Heh,” he chuckled, his eyes never leaving the screen. “That obvious?”

“Sort of,” Washimi admitted. “It’s a bit amusing if I’m being honest. I’ve never seen you work this fast before.”

“Jealous?”

“Oh please,” she rolled her eyes. “We all know I can type faster than you any time, any day.”

He raised his eyebrows suggestively. “So you’re saying I’m not good with my fingers?”

“Hmm,” she rubbed her chin, looking down on him with hooded eyes. “I’d say your tongue’s better.”

Himuro almost misclicked. “I thought we were talking about my typing skills, Miss Washimi.”

“I am,” she reassured, a mischievous tone lacing her voice. “You’ve always had a way with words, sir. Your public speaking is very admirable. Much more persuasive than your written work.”

The couple snickered, the CEO almost done with his last tedious task. Their casualness and flirtatious nature always seemed to put Himuro at ease. It was always fun teasing each other like this.

Okay, and send… Himuro gulped as he sent his final email for the day. His eyes anxiously glanced at his secretary.

“Washimi,” he started hesitantly, clearing his throat. “Are you uh, busy after this?”

Washimi glanced at him amusedly. “Sir, we already did it not too long ago,” she smirked. “Are you just that needy today?”

His ears reddened, the reminder of their earlier rendezvous flustering him. “I-It’s not like that! I was wondering if…” Himuro’s voice trailed off.

Just spit it out! He gave himself an internal pep talk. If you can break bad news to the company’s stockholders, you can definitely ask her this.

Washimi leaned in closer. “Wondering if…?”

“If you’d walk with me out of the building.”

The CEO chickened out at the last second. He gave her a coy smile, her eyes studying him closely before eventually nodding.

“Of course, my pleasure.”

~~~

Why am I being so passive? Himuro thought as they silently made their way toward the elevator. Am I really letting my nerves get the best of me?

Thankfully, there was no one in sight. It seemed like the others had left five minutes before them. Himuro understood why; it was the start of the weekend after all. Fridays were always more relaxed and informal, everyone rushing to get out.

It’s fine, Himuro pressed the down elevator call button. I’ll just ask her once we get off. Things didn’t need to be this complicated, yet he couldn’t help but overthink his plan.

It’d been three months since Himuro and Washimi had started their explicit arrangement. Three months filled with excitement, anticipation, and unfiltered horniness. Their days were scattered with little excursions, from hotel rooms to any empty office space they could find. For a while, superficial quickies like these were enough to satisfy Himuro.

But then something inside him shifted. As time went on, it stopped being enough. The same pleasure he received was now accompanied by a certain yearning. Himuro found himself wanting more. More affection, more security, and more of an emotional connection. Instead of slipping back into their clothes and immediately reverting back to normal, he wanted her to stay and linger in the moment longer.

The CEO was embarrassed to admit it, but he wasn’t satisfied with their secretive friends with benefits dynamic anymore. He wanted to get to know Washimi better, become intimate in different ways.

Himuro gripped his bag tightly, taking in a deep breath.

That’s what made tonight so important and anxiety inducing. For tonight, he was going to ask Washimi out to dinner. Nothing serious, nothing imposing, just two coworkers spending time together outside the office and chatting. Despite telling himself this, Himuro still felt flustered.

“Seems like everyone’s going out,” Washimi said, finally breaking the ice. There was a melancholic quality to her voice. 

“Planning on joining them?” Himuro asked expectantly.

“I…” She hesitated. “I don’t really have any plans for tonight.”

The ding of the elevator finally arrived, the sleek metal doors opening. The couple entered inside.

“Not even with Gori or Retsuko?”

She shook her head. “I won’t be joining them tonight.”

Himuro observed how Washimi’s mood dropped. Her feathers were slightly more ruffled and that she was avoiding eye contact, something she rarely did. It concerned him.

“Is everything alright?” He inquired softly.

“It is.”

“Are you sure-”

“Don’t,” Washimi snapped. As if taken aback by her own outburst, she cleared her throat. “I’m completely fine. No need to worry.”

That’s not how someone who’s completely fine sounds, he thought. The distance between them only grew.

“I’ll leave it be then,” Himuro responded, glancing at her closely. “Just make sure to rest this weekend.”

“Yes, sir.” Washimi pursed her lips, looking somewhat regretful.

The elevator opened once more, revealing the large glass entrance. The night invited them out, the lights of shops outside shining brightly. They continued walking together.

“Lovely night, isn’t it?”

She nodded. “Mhmm.”

Although Washimi was clearly in low spirits, Himuro still wanted to ask her out. Best case scenario, she said yes and they grew closer. Worst case scenario, she said no and they went their separate ways. The pros outweighed the cons significantly. All in all, it was worth a shot.

“You know, there’s this restaurant that opened up recently that has some amazing wine.” Himuro started casually. “If you like liquor as much as you like tea, it’d be my pleasure to take you.”

The secretary bird completely froze, her shoulders becoming stiff. “Are… Are you asking me out on a date?”

He stopped as well, looking back at a shaken up Washimi. He gulped. 

Oh no.

“Not necessarily. It can be whatever you want it to be,” he said nonchalantly. Despite remaining calm, Himuro was consumed with dread. This was not the response he was hoping for. Not at all. “I just wanted us to talk more. You know, spend time together outside the office.”

Washimi’s frown deepened, a look of distaste now plaguing her face. “We’ve been outside the office before.”

“Hotels don’t count,” he pointed out, followed along by a playful wink. “Besides, we don’t talk very much when we get there. At least, not in complete coherent sentences.”

He tried to be humorous, lighten the mood. The atmosphere was beginning to get too intense for his liking. Washimi, however, remained stern as she argued against his proposition.

“What’s wrong with what we’re doing now?” She asked almost defensively. “I don’t get it. We already spend so much time together in general. Do you really feel that entitled to my time?”

"Wha-no!" Now Himuro was starting to get irritated. “You know that’s not what I meant! Is it really that hard to believe I’d like to get to know the person I’m having sex with?”

“But you do know me,” Washimi urged. “I’m not some mysterious woman with a bag full of secrets.”

“I never said you-” He inhaled sharply, pausing. Himuro was getting too worked up. He began massaging his temples. “Washimi, it was a yes or no question. You don’t have to look into it that deeply.”

“I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

“Trust me, I won’t,” he said, glaring at her. “You’ve made it abundantly clear that spending time with me is a grave inconvenience.”

“That’s not what I-” 

“In fact,” he huffed, walking off and leaving her behind. “I won’t take up any more of your time. See you Monday.” 

Washimi stared at him in shock as the hound aimed for the exit. For the first time in her life, she was speechless. She stayed firmly planted as Himuro put his hand on the cold handle of the door.

“Oh, and I’d like to end whatever this thing we have going on is,” he called out before exiting the building. Despite being farther away, she could hear him crystal clear.

Himuro emerged into cold night air, momentarily looking back. She's... not even trying to stop me. His throat tightened up as he walked off faster.

Not only was he embarrassed, but now a deep disappointment burrowed itself in Himuro's chest. Out of everything that happened during their exchange, the most hurtful part was realizing how little he truly meant to Washimi.

Chapter Text

“Why did I do that?!” Himuro groaned as he was caught in traffic. “I shouldn’t have let my feelings take over. I’m better than that.”

Not only did he kill any chance of a proper platonic relationship he had with Washimi, he gave up what little semblance of intimacy they had. By breaking off their arrangement, they had no reason to be more than boss and employee. Himuro’s heart dropped at the thought of it.

I acted so impulsively… He thought solemnly, biting the inside of his cheek. This isn’t like me. Not at all.

Why did Washimi’s hesitance and rejection sting so much? He looked outside his window, catching a glimpse of happy couples parading through the streets and holding hands. He sighed, they were living out what he could only dream of. That could’ve been him. It could’ve been them .

Himuro’s eyes widened. “No, no, no,” he shook his head, the realization dawning on him. “There’s no way. It’s impossible! I would've known if I,” he gulped, his face reddening, “if I liked her…”

He huffed, holding onto the steering wheel tightly. No matter how much he tried to deny it, the truth had become glaringly obvious. The reason Himuro even wanted Washimi in the first place was because he liked her. He was infatuated, not just with her body, but everything about her. Himuro never anticipated his feelings running this deeply.

“Shit, Washimi was right.”

He wanted to facepalm himself. The damage had already been done and there was nothing Himuro could do to salvage the situation. Washimi would probably never speak to him again, unless it was about work or his schedule. 

He might as well say farewell to any future tea games they could have had. Himuro sighed, his body consumed by an empty feeling. It was time to bid adieu to what their relationship could’ve been.

The entire ride home after his epiphany was a blur. Himuro monotonously pulled up to the parking lot inside his condo. He was about to leave until his phone began ringing.

A call at this hour…? He cocked his head to the side, curious as to who it might be. He hoped it had nothing to do with the company and or any rising scandals. Much to his surprise, it was Washimi.

“Washimi?” Himuro wasted no time in answering. “Hello?”

There was a pause. All he could hear were people laughing and talking in the background.

“Himuro…” Washimi hiccuped. Her voice sounded hoarse and drained, as if she’d been crying. “I-I’m sorry.”

His ears immediately perked up, concerned. “Washimi, are you alright?” Adrenaline coursed through his veins. He’d never heard the secretary bird in such a state. “Where are you?”

“I’m at a bar,” she responded sluggishly. “I’ve just been drinking and thinking a lot and,” a sob suddenly escaped her, “I-I’m sorry for pushing you away…!”

“Forget that,” Himuro remarked, exiting his parking space. “Tell me where you are right now and I’ll come pick you up.”

Another pause emerged. Himuro waited anxiously for a reply, anything at this point. Then, there was a sniffle.

“Okay.”

~~~

Himuro pulled up to Himitsu Bar, the place where Washimi said she’d be. Fortunately, he was able to park right in front of it, the bar’s bright yellow light almost blinding him. Himuro was quick to enter.

Woah, his eyes widened once he saw how crowded it was. Looks like there’s a full house.

The place was brimming with people, everyone closely smushed together. It made the poor hound claustrophobic. The hot air, chatter, and smell of vodka and sake also didn’t help. He wondered where Washimi could be.

Eventually, he made it to the middle section of the bar and tapped the shoulder of a loud and carefree fox. He looked too drunk to be bothered by the whole ordeal, eight empty shot glasses in front of him. The fox looked back at him and cocked his head.

“Excuse me,” Himuro started. “Have you seen a white secretary bird anywhere around here? She was wearing a white blouse, black pencil skirt, and was possibly crying.”

“Hmm,” the fox rubbed his chin tentatively. “Nah. Sorry bro, doesn’t ring a bell.”

His friend, an equally wasted cat, chimed in from behind. “I think he’s talking about that office hottie we saw earlier.”

“Wha-Hey!” Himuro glared daggers at the cat’s direction. “Don’t call her that.”

“Oh, I remember now!” The fox snapped his fingers, a relaxed smile not decorating his face. “Yeah, she went over there somewhere.”

“Over where?”

“Sorry,” he giggled. The fox and his friend pointed behind them. “Over there.”

Himuro nodded before walking off. “Thank you.”

He pushed through a crowd of people, all of them reminding him of how much he desperately wanted to shower. Where could she be?! He searched high and low until a certain figure caught the corner of his eye. Himuro immediately lit up. Finally!

Finally, he had found her. The reason he was in this sweaty overcrowded bar in the first place.

There laid Washimi in the furthest corner of the bar, her head laying on top of her arms with only a glass of tequila to her name. Amid the chaos that surrounded her, the secretary bird seemed isolated from the rest. It was as if she couldn’t hear or see them. Her mind was elsewhere.

With even more resolve, the CEO pushed forward, nudging every drunkard in his way.

“Washimi?”

Himuro approached her worriedly, his brows furrowed. His voice seemed to snap her out of whatever trance she was in, her expression morphing from melancholic seriousness to shock.

“Himuro?”

The secretary bird could barely keep eye contact. Washimi quickly sat up straight, adjusting her outfit. “I’m,” she hiccuped, “not normally like this when I drink.”

He touched her shoulder gently. She looked completely wasted. “I know.”

“Really,” Washimi insisted. “T-This is a rare occurrence.”

“I’m sure it is,” Himuro reassured like a parent would to their weeping child. “Come on, let me help you up.”

They stumbled their way to his car, Washimi’s loss of balance swaying them back and forth. He held onto her waist tightly as she placed a lazy arm over his shoulder. Thankfully, the trip out of the stuffy bar went by much quicker than when he’d entered. Himuro made a mental note to never visit Himitsu Bar ever again.

They finally reached his car at the front. He led the secretary bird to his front passenger seat. “Think you can enter by yourself?”

“I’m drunk,” Washimi mumbled under her breath. “Not a child.”

“Tomayto, Tomahto.”

Himuro opened the door and Washimi sat down, albeit a bit wobbly. It looked like her body was still processing the copious amounts of alcohol she’d consumed while her mind was slowly but surely gaining back its sober awareness. He went towards the driver’s seat and sat down.

“I thought you said you were heading home,” he questioned softly, starting the car. “What happened?”

A sigh escaped Washimi as she put on her seatbelt. “I was… feeling lonely,” she revealed, looking out the window. “And I felt bad for how I acted earlier.”

Himuro nodded, understanding her sentiment all too well. “For what it’s worth,” the hound started rather playfully. “You sound way more coherent than I thought you would.”

She looked back at him, amused. “Is that disappointment I hear?”

“Yes,” he put his hand on his chest, pretending to be offended. “How dare you deprive me of a drunk Washimi. I was expecting a show.”

“Like I said, I’m by no means a lightweight.” She chuckled. “And seeing you again definitely sobered me up, so you only have yourself to blame.”

The couple laughed briefly, the tension between them lifted.

“Nice to know I have that effect on you,” he responded teasingly. “Well, as riveting as this conversation is, I’m sure you’d rather be in the safe confines of your bed. So,” he pressed on his GPS, “what’s your address?”

Washimi opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. A moment passed them by.

“I promise I’m not going to save it or-”

“It’s not that. I just…”

She sighed, her face donning a light blush.

“This is going to sound hypocritical but,” her eyes bore into his, pleading. “I don’t want to be alone. Can we stay together for a bit longer?”

Himuro blinked. “What about your friends?”

“I love my friends,” she confessed. “But I’d rather be with you.”

Himuro felt lighter, as if a massive weight had been lifted. Washimi wants me…? He was beginning to feel hopeful again. A truly dangerous feeling.

“I completely understand if you don’t-”

“Sure,” he replied nonchalantly, despite trying his best to keep his tail from wagging. “Let’s go back to my place.”

And with that, the couple set off to Himuro’s home in silence. Both of them were anxious for what was to come, the night sparkling with uncertainty and promise.

~~~

“We’re here.”

Himuro opened the door, letting Washimi in. She was no longer stumbling with each step, her typical composure slowly making its comeback. She looked around, nodding in acknowledgement. His open concept apartment had a practical, modern, and minimalistic look to it. Much like hers.

“You have good taste,” Washimi remarked. “It reminds me of my own apartment.”

“Great minds think alike.” Himuro chuckled, motioning her to take a seat at his couch. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll get you some water.”

He walked toward the kitchen and snatched a bottle of water from his cabinet. Himuro wasn’t sure how much this would help, but it was a start. He made his way back.

“Here,” he said, handing it to her. “Drink up.”

Washimi reluctantly took it, looking somewhat guilty as she drank from it. Himuro sat next to her, making sure not to sit too close nor too far from her. He didn’t want to seem imposing. It wasn’t long until she drank the bottle dry.

Himuro cleared his throat after she was finished. “So, did you-”

“Why’re you being so nice to me?”

The statement made everything come to a halt. Himuro studied Washimi as she stared at the bottle like it was the source of all her troubles. He shook his head in confusion; did she not like the way he was treating her? Washimi suddenly turned, eyeing him accusingly.

“I told you off, interrupted your evening, and now I’m invading your space.” Washimi declared, massaging her temples. “I don’t deserve to be here, treated to your company.”

Himuro raised an amused eyebrow, scooting closer to her. “So now my company’s a treat?”

“You know what I mean,” she responded with a glare. It seemed she was taking out all her anger on him.

“Washimi, it doesn’t matter if our relationship is professional or sexual, I’ll always care about you,” he said with a warm smile. “Even if it’s to my detriment. Besides,” he chuckled, “you seem sorry enough. Your guilt is almost palpable.”

The secretary bird’s face only seemed to get redder. Her body fidgeted under the weight of his words. Himuro had never seen her this flustered before, an amusing discovery seeing as how confident and cool-headed she was in every other situation.

“S-Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“... That .” Washimi muttered, breaking eye contact. “I already said I don’t deserve your kindness.”

Himuro chuckled. “I beg to differ.”

“Of course you would.”

The reemergence of a charged silence overwhelmed the atmosphere. He continued glancing at Washimi softly, noting how intense her stare had become at her distorted reflection. She seemed to be prepping for something, her grip on the bottle tightening. Not soon after, Washimi’s shoulders relaxed. She looked utterly defeated.

“Did you know that on this day, every year,” she started. “I am reminded of my most shameful failure?”

“And what would that be?”

Washimi closed her eyes as if confessing a grave sin. “Today’s the anniversary of my divorce.”

Himuro’s eyes widened; he could tell where this was heading.

“Washimi,” he said, putting a comforting hand on top of hers. “You don’t have to-”

“It’s okay,” she said, finally looking at him. Her eyes were dewey with tears. “I want to do this. I want you to know.”

A sigh escaped the secretary bird as she leaned back on the couch. “The truth was I wasn’t a good partner, and neither was he. We were incompatible. However, the fact that I couldn’t make it work, no matter how hard I tried… It hurts my ego much more than I’d like to admit.”

Washimi cleared her throat, somewhat embarrassed. “That’s why, after our divorce had been finalized, I vowed I wouldn’t do something as stupid as falling in love again. And It was all going according to plan until…”

“Until?”

Her expression suddenly shifted from melancholic to angry. Washimi pulled her hand back from his grasp, her eyes piercing his.

“Until you started ruining everything.”

“Me? How?!” Himuro exclaimed, placing a hand to his chest. “You were the one that started it!”

“What I wanted was for us to have a sexual relationship, no strings attached. I thought if I could have that with anyone, it’d be you.” She commented accusingly. “We both operate in similar ways, see the world for what it is. I thought you’d understand why we couldn’t cross each other’s boundaries.”

Himuro could barely comprehend what was happening. No way is she blaming me for this… Not after all that sobbing and apologizing…! He wasn’t so much as mad as he was confused.

“Washimi,” he said, trying to calm her down. “All I wanted was to talk outside of work. Is that really so bad?”

“Yes!” She exclaimed, teardrops now trailing down her cheeks once more. “You have a lot of audacity, asking me out like that. Don’t you know how dangerous that is?”

Washimi wiped her eyes, unable to contain the sob that escaped her. “Don’t you know how happy that makes me feel?” 

Any fight Himuro had within him drifted away like dandelions in the wind. All he could do was stare at her, shocked.

“For you to want to spend more time with me, it makes me unbelievably happy. So much so that I don’t know what to do with myself!” She admitted, her voice cracking. “And I’m ashamed, I’m ashamed because I’m falling in love again after vowing I never would and it’s all your fault.”

Washimi finished with a sob. She covered her face with her hands, trying to stifle any loud sounds that dared escape. Himuro, still processing her words, slowly stood up and made his way to the kitchen, grabbing some napkins. He understood how she felt all too well.

“Ugh, I’m completely out of my element.” Washimi muttered, taking one of the napkins he gave her. “I hate that you have to see me like this.”

“Are you kidding me?” Himuro stated, kneeling in front of her. “That’s the most sense you’ve made this evening. I finally understand what's wrong.”

She sniffled. “You do?”

The hound nodded. “You’re scared.”

Washimi opened her mouth to protest, a moment of realization passing through her as she begrudgingly decided to stay silent. There was truth to his statement and she knew arguing against it would be pointless.

“You’re scared of uncertainty, of things you can’t control.” Himuro explained. “But you don’t have to be scared of this. Just because you’ve been hurt before doesn’t mean it’ll happen again.”

“How can you be so sure?” Washimi asked, dabbing her eyes gently. “Everyone tells me I'm too serious and cold-hearted, saying it’s what drove my ex-husband away. Why would this time be any different?”

“Because they’re wrong,” he said, placing his hand on her knee. “You said it yourself, we’re similar. And because we’re similar I know that you work hard but love even harder. You’re tough because you want what’s best for others, even if it’s not what they want to hear. Anyone who truly takes the time to get to know you will see that.”

Washimi’s eyes gleamed with awe, her white face now painted pink. She cleared her throat, flustered but happy. “I wasn’t aware you saw me that way,” she mused with a small smile. “I thought you were only infatuated with my looks.” 

Himuro shrugged teasingly. “Well, that too.”

The couple snickered, Washimi grabbing Himuro by the arm and pulling him from his knees to the couch. The action made them laugh even harder as she started snuggling into his chest, appreciating the sound of his heartbeat. It was warm and comforting, it threatened to lull her asleep. Himuro began caressing her feathers.

“You know,” Washimi started. “I was really worried.”

He raised a curious eyebrow. “About what?”

“I knew I was starting to develop feelings for you, but I wasn’t sure how you felt.” She revealed. “A part of me thought you were simply amusing the idea of a relationship with me out of obligation. That you felt guilty only having sex with me. I never suspected you to feel the same way.”

“You know Washimi,” Himuro said, holding her close. “Sometimes the most obvious answer is the least convoluted one.”

At this, her body tensed. “Oh god,” she groaned. “Did I pull a Gori?”

He chuckled. “It seems so.”

When it came to love, Washimi had always been reluctant. She’d tried before and believed that once was enough. Now, in the arms of another, the secretary bird was starting to question everything she ever believed in. Her stubbornness could be helpful, and it had been many times before, but it also blinded her to new opportunities. Hell, even ones that were standing right in front of her.

“So,” Washimi started, sitting up straight. She looks at him expectantly. “What are we?”

The secretary bird was ready for a new start, one that included being more honest with herself.

“Uh…” Himuro drawled nervously. “We can be w-whatever you want to be. No need to rush into anything.”

“It’s not rushing,” she replied, leaning closer. “In fact, it’s long overdue.”

In an act of spontaneity, Washimi grabbed his hand gently and placed a kiss on top of it. His heart began racing as she looked at him playfully.

“Himuro,” she started, almost princely. “You’re as grand as you are wonderful. Even from before we started working together, I knew there was something special about you. So, after everything we’ve been through, would you do me the honor of going out on a date with me?”

“I never knew you were such a romantic,” he teased, his tail wagging furiously. “And yes! I’d love to go on a date with you.”

They leaned in and kissed, the soft tenderness of it making Himuro melt. Washimi caressed his cheek softly; they’d never kissed this intimately before. It was exactly what Himuro was yearning for.

“The night doesn’t have to end here,” Himuro said excitedly once they pulled back. “You want to watch a movie? I know it’s not a fancy first date idea but-”

“I’d love to.” Washimi beamed. “As long as you’re here with me, I don’t care what we do.”

Himuro embraced her once more, planting chaste kisses around her face while she giggled. After showering and gathering some snacks, the new couple then cuddled together as they went through an assortment of movies, debating which one was worthy enough for their first date.

Although it was a bit ridiculous, the couple felt like they could be themselves around each other. No need to second guess or overthink. After everything, Washimi and Himuro knew they were safe with each other, and that was all they ever really wanted.