Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Kyle didn’t know what to do, he didn’t think that after being friends with his group for over 17 years that he would end up not just falling for one of them but all three. They were in their last year of high school and were all different ages, his crushes all being 18 and him still being 17. He hated it. He hated them. Why would- how could he fall for such arrogant people?

Cartman. Someone who used to be racist, homophobic, sexist and more, he still even makes jokes about them sometimes, not to mention he was a fatass, he was also the one who had ripped on him for being Jew 24/7, and he was an asshole. A complete and total asshole.

Stan. Someone who was his Super best friend for years. Someone who has dated the same girl on and off for 8 years before they finally broke it off in sophomore year. An alcoholic who has been a dick to him, someone who smokes weed everyday with not even a care for his health.

And lastly.

Kenny. Someone who was obsessed with sex, he’d talk about boobs and dicks 24/7. Someone who also smokes weed and is constantly high, someone who lives with his poor excuse of parents, they’re addicts and even somewhat abusive towards Kenny and his sister. He was someone who had even shown him a bunch of porno magazines when he came out as gay and non-binary (Kyle uses they/he/she).

God. Why did he fall for people who were such a mess? How were they going to change Kyle’s own OCD personality? Kyle fell back onto his bed and sighs, tears glistening his bright green eyes. What was he going to do? They can’t keep it inside because it’ll hurt more but if they tell them then they will lose their three best friends, no matter how fucked up they were. Kyle curled up in a ball, their knees up to their chest. He just didn’t know what to do the overwhelming thoughts crept up into his mind more and more as he began to cry just thinking about his friends leaving him just because of some silly crush. He wiped his eyes angrily; they shouldn’t be crying. Its stupid to cry over such things. He just needs to keep it deep down. Forget the feelings he has. They would never like him back anyway so it was useless to even think about it.

Kyle pulled the blankets over his head and began to imagine him and his crushes living together and loving each other. But alas he knew that that could never happen as they would never love him back…he let the tears slip down his face as he closed his eyes and began to fall asleep, hoping that by the next day he could forget all about his stupid crushes on his friends who he knew weren’t even gay to begin with.

The next morning Kyle woke up and they looked around their room quietly and sighs slightly, he still did in fact have crushes on them, she knew it wouldn’t magically go away but she still had wished it would, just in case…

Kyle stood up groggily and nearly fell as her legs got tangled in her blankets. Curse being somewhat tall! She looked in the mirror and sighs, she felt more feminine today, perhaps she’ll wear a skirt today? Maybe her crushes will like it?! No! don’t think about that! “You’re not supposed to be focussing on them Kyle because they’ll never like you back!!” she thought, angry at herself for even thinking about them when she had promised herself to move on from them.

Kyle got changed into a black leather skirt that pressed her thighs together and a short green and black stripped shirt with a singlet underneath. She had her tights on, ones that matched her skin colour so it didn’t seem like she was wearing it. She then put on her large black combat boots and her hair was put in a half up half down sort of way with a green bow in her hair. She then put on some makeup with eyeliner. She wasn’t sure what her “aesthetic” was as it changed a lot, she just liked wearing clothes she liked, she didn’t have a specific style. And even though she looked feminine, she was not and I mean NOT a little bitch for someone to control, she will still punch an asshole if she has to. Just because she wore feminine things didn’t mean she was a pussy, not that girls were, she just hates being underestimated because she likes being feminine sometimes. Cartman made that mistake one day. He called her a little bitch the first time he was confident enough to go out in feminine clothes and so Kyle punched his face, completely wiping the smirk that was displayed on his face. It doesn’t matter if she has a crush on him, she will not take being called something that he isn’t.

Kyle looked in the mirror, happy with how she looks and then she walked down the stairs and glanced over at the kitchen, no one was there, as per usual. Kyle rolled her eyes. Ever since her parents found out she was gay and genderfluid she was left in the house, alone, they took Ike on a trip and said they’ll be back “at some point”, never giving Kyle a set date, luckily, they sent him money to buy things like food, toiletries and things he wanted. that was why Kyle was wearing such clothes, she used the money from his parents to buy the clothes that made her feel comfortable. They already reacted badly when she was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder, anger issues, OCD and even borderline PTSD caused from his early childhood days with his friends. She sighs once again, the cold breath showing as she did, she grabbed her leather jacket and walked to the door, opening it just to be greeted with something….

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Kyle opened the door and was greeted by something…it was…

Tweek and Craig? What the?

“what are you two doing here?” Kyle asked, glancing down at their hands, they were holding each other’s hands. Kyle wished she had something like that…

“Well...” craig said as he looked over at Tweek who was slightly twitching, Kyle always felt bad for the man as he had bad tics due to his overwhelming anxiety.

“Tweek said he thinks you have a crush on your friends and he said he wanted us to help you.” Craig said dully…what? How did they know? How did they find out?! He swore he was so careful

Tweek saw the panicked look on his face and squeaks. “uh-! I only know cause like uhm- gah! So much pressure!! Uhm!! You were looking at them blushing and I saw your drawings with like ah-! Hearts on it and shit-!!!” craig rubbed Tweek’s back, comforting him as he finished, he knew Tweek was a bit anxious to say such things.

Kyle just nodded…” okay yeah. You caught me. But what are you gonna do about it?! If you blackmail me then I’ll just beat the fuck out of the both of you!” She said, her eye twitching a bit, she knew they wouldn’t do that but it still didn’t stop her from thinking about it.

Tweek looked a bit startled and began to shake his head a lot.

Craig sighed “Kyle. Calm down. We aren’t gonna blackmail you. Okay? Just calm down alright? We just want to help you with your little crush problem.”

Craig trailed off looking into Kyle’s eyes with a slight glare from making Tweek freak out.

Kyle looks at them in disbelief

“What? Why would you do that?”

Craig had a small smirk displayed on his face “because Kyle. We don’t want to see your pining for your three best friends anymore, it’s getting quite annoying.”

Kyle groaned and glared at Craig; she sighs “whatever Craig. So what? Are we driving to school together?” She raises an eyebrow.

“Whatever, we’ll talk about it on the way to school together, but don’t be ranting about your boyfriends. I don’t want to listen to that shit”

Craig pulled Tweek to Craig’s car and all three of them go into the car.

Kyle looked at them slightly helpless, she wishes she had love like the two childhood lovers did, but she didn’t, she barley has ever kissed anyone before in her life.

Kyle gets in the car, sitting in the back while the two lovers were at front, craig began to drives as she slumps down in her chair “So How are you going to help me in the first place?”

Craig looked up in the rear-view mirror, glancing at the young girl that was there. “Well, do you want to date all three of them? Because that will change my answer based on what you say to this.”

“I mean- yeah? Isn’t that the goal? To get me to date all of them?”

“I’m just making sure” Craig rolled his eyes a bit before starting again, “Well, me and Tweek got together on accident because of the Asian chicks so we cant do that for you…start by trying to be more nice to the three of them, people like it when they’re treated with respect, I know Tweek gets pissed when I try and fix things instead of just comforting him and helping him the best I can, so start by being more nice to them, flirt with them a bit, drop your books and see if they pick them up for you. You know? See if they’re gentlemen. That’s the main thing too, if they don’t treat you well then don’t get with them because they’re not worth it then.”

Saying Kyle was shocked was an understatement, Kyle was absolutely flabbergasted, she didn’t know craig could be so…romantic? So…good in love?! She knew that Tweek and Craig had been dating for a long time but still it shocked her that someone who was such an asshole to other people was so good in the romance department…she wondered if cartman acted the same…if he was so…romantic too…

That thought made Kyle blush and she shook her head looking up at craig “how- why-…” words were unable to form as she was still completely shocked at what she found out

Craig rolled his eyes again and Kyle wondered if his eyes have seen his brain yet from the number of times, he does it

“Kyle. I have a boyfriend who is too anxious to do anything wrong, I plan the dates. Of course, I’m good with romance. Don’t act so shocked. Plus, Tweek and I were fake dating at the start and now we love each other and are together for real, it took us a lot to get where we are today so I know how to wow someone when I want to. Anyway, have you texted your future boyfriends that you won’t be taking a ride with them to school today?”

Shit.

She knew she forget to do something,

She quickly pulled out her phone just to see a bunch of texts from the group chat with her crushes.

‘gay come whores? God Kenny renamed the group chat again...’ Kyle rolled her eyes

Gay Come Whores

McWhoremic; Yo Kyle where are you????

HighAllTheTime; Kyle?? Dude wtf?

IMBIGBONED; Kahl? Jew?!

HighAllTheTime; cartman he’s not gonna answer if you call him Jew

McWhoremic; I just want my baby girl

IMBIGBONED; Kenny that faggy

IMBIGBONED; but where tf Is the Jew anyway?

IMBIGBONED; oh and Idc stan kys

HighAllTheTime; shut up you fatass

IMBIGBONED; WHAT?! I’m not fat! I have muscles now thank you very much you fuckin drugo

Bigbittybitch; what the hell- sorry guys I’m taking the care with Craig and Tweek today. Also, she/her pls.

Bigbittybitch; …

Bigbittybitch; who changed my name?

HighAllTheTime; it was ken-

McWhoremic; it was me bbg ;)

IMBIGBONED; HA! Kenny’s too poor for emojis!!!🔥🔥🔥🔥

IMBIGBONED; what a loser‼️

IMBIGBONED; but why tf are you with those fags Kahl?

Bigbittybitch; Its KYLE! And because they’re helping me with something okay? I don’t want to talk about it pls.

McWhoremic; I’m beating your ass cartman.

IMBIGBONED; you’re too poor to fight. HEY Kenny did you just slap the back of my head?!

Kyle looked up from her phone a bit and sighs, she really did love them…even if they were idiots…

Kyle looked up at Craig and Tweek and glanced back at her phone one more time before nodding…

“Okay. I’ll do it…”

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HEY GUYS!!!

i hate this fanfic sm like why is it cringy💀

should I even continue???? Like😭