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"... After I count down three rounds, in Hell I'll be in good company

Jemma

I've been undercover in Hydra for the past three months and a year ago I would be terrified, but I'm not now. It's startling how similar Hydra and S.H.I.E.L.D. are, but I guess that's what made it so easy for them to hide in plain sight. In the last three months I've settled into a nice little apartment downtown, I wake up at 6:30AM every morning for a run, I've started eating healthy, I clock in at 8AM every morning and bring my coworkers and the security team donuts, I clock out at 11:30-1:00AM depending on the project I'm working on and I'm... Happy. I tried to hate it. I really did, but it's not as simple as I thought. The people here, most of them at least, aren't evil. They're just normal people trying to survive in a crazy world. I've even found people I like, that like me, and I hate that I understand Ward now. In some twisted way, Hydra gives you a feeling of belonging. Why is it that in the den of supposed monsters, I've found peace? When I'm feeling sad, Angelina Turano, a fellow scientist and mother of two, makes me my favorite tea and tells me funny stories about her rambunctious two year old. When I'm feeling angry and I have nowhere to put it, Terra Rodriguez, Captain of Hydra's STRIKE team, brings me to the gym that all the Specialists use and lets me punch the punching bag until I feel better. Even higher ups like Sunil Bakshi treat me with respect and reverence, when I have concerns they listen, when I don't have what I need they find it within the day, and don't even get me started on my paycheck. I'm not saying that I'm okay with the destruction they cause, but I now see all the good they do, all the things they don't hide, and quite frankly, the honesty and transparency is refreshing. For the first time in a long time, I feel valued by the organization I work for. I understand why it was so damn easy to fall to Hydra, because for all the evil things they've done, they take care of their people. 

"Dr. Simmons, your test results came back."

I look up to find Dr. Kenneth Turgeon standing over me. He's a fellow scientist, but he's not one of the nice ones. I usually try to stay aware enough to never be in his presence for long. The way he stares at me and tries to corner me at every opportunity tells me that he wants something I will never give up willingly.

"For project Godiva?"

I question as my body tenses and I reach out to take the tray holding the documents and vials of golden liquid. Dr. Turgeon bypasses my awaiting hands and sets them on my desk, before I can look at the results and resume my work, I'm pinned between my desk and Dr. Turgeon's large blubbery body. I gasp as I look around for help, but at the moment I'm completely alone in the lab, not even the guards will be stationed outside at this time because everyone is off on their lunch break. My face pales and I swallow hard as I look into his predatory blue eyes. 

"Wha-What are you doing?"

The panic and gut wrenching fear is audible in my shaking voice and the way I push my body back into the desk painfully for just an inch of space between us.

"I'm going to take what you owe me, Doctor Simmons."

He spits out my name like a curse and I see now the look in his eyes that was never quite right. Hatred. He hates me and wants me in equal measure. I'd give anything for Grant Ward to bust in right now and save the day like he used to. Turgeon laughs maniacally before he presses into me and starts trying to rip my clothes off. I scream as loudly as I can while I attempt to hit, kick, and punch. Tears streak down my cheeks as he grabs me by the throat and slams me to the floor, my vision blurs and I know I'm gonna die, but I can't stop fighting.

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"... With trophies in your backseat

All the girls that came before were easy

Before you met me

Bakshi

I walk calmly from my office towards the cafeteria, going over my mental check list for the next six months. I reach the empty elevator and get in, as I'm reaching my hand out to press the button labelled C for cafeteria, I feel a sudden urge to go to lab 107B, the lab a certain scientist from S.H.I.E.L.D. works in. Normally, I wouldn't give in to my urges, I'm a very strategic and disciplined man, but I have an ominous feeling in my gut like something is wrong. As a former soldier, you never disobey your gut because when there are no orders to follow, that's what keeps you alive. I press the button for the lab and wait five minutes as Mozart plays in the elevator. The gold elevator makes its descent to the third floor before it stops and the doors open silently. I walk out and look around the hall, my instincts sharp and my body ready for a fight. I casually walk down the deserted hallway until I get to the lab door. I hear the sounds of a woman crying and fighting while a large man tries to subdue her. I quietly slip into the room undetected and slip my gun from the waist band of my expensive black dress pants. I flick off the safety and level it behind Kenneth Turgeon's head. 

"Mr. Turgeon, I suggest you get off her right now."

The fat 5'7 man with thin hair slowly lets go of the tiny woman beneath him and stands up to his full height.  I tower over this poor excuse for a human being at 5'11. 

"Walk around her and stand with your face and hands pressed flat to the wall." 

I keep my gun trained on him the entire time just in case he decides to do something stupid. Well, even more stupid than trying to rape my most brilliant scientist. Once I'm satisfied with Turgeon's compliance I look at the tiny Dr. Jemma Simmons still laying on the floor terrified. Her blouse, bra, and skirt have been ripped off and her shoes are laying near her desk with her lab coat, the only article of clothing still intact are the delicate pink lace panties she's managed to keep on. I lower my gun before taking off my suit jacket and hold it open for her.

"Jemma, you're safe. Come here. I won't allow anyone to hurt you."

My words bring her tear filled eyes to meet mine. Faster than I expect, she jumps up and runs to me, ignoring my jacket, Jemma wraps her arms around me, resting her head on my chest, she clings to my body for safety as her sobs break loose. I make soft soothing sounds as I wrap her in my jacket, attempting to cover as much pale skin as I can. I level my gun at her attempted rapist and feel a rush of protective rage sweep over me. I look down at the shaking woman in my arms, this skatá doesn't deserve to keep breathing.

"Cover your ears, Mikrós Polemistís. You never have to be afraid again."

Jemma lifts her head to meet my eyes and I see understanding reflected in those warm brown eyes. She hides her face in my chest again and I know that's the only permission I'll get from the soft hearted scientist. I curve my body around hers before I take aim and put a bullet in the back of his head, blood splatters on the white wall before his body collapses lifelessly on the once pristine marble floor. I lower my arm, flick the safety back on before putting it back in the waist band of my pants. I quickly, as gently as I can, scoop my tiny scientist up in my arms while keeping her covered by my jacket. I walk quickly to the elevator before I press the button to take her to my personal doctor.

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"...Weepin' in a sunlit room, and

If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too

Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe

All the hell you gave me?

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you..."

// My Tears Ricochet //

// Taylor Swift //

Jemma

The next week is a blur of therapists, white walls, overprotective bosses, and bodyguards. Somehow between my almost rape and now, Sunil Bakshi has managed to become my biggest supporter and overprotective shadow. As insane as it seems sometimes, the wolf of Hydra with his designer suits and expensive cologne, has claimed me as his scientist and therefore anyone so much as slights me and they'll have to deal with him. After I was almost raped, the third in command of Hydra took me to his personal doctor and had me checked out. Then he took me to his penthouse, gave me his comfiest sweatpants, cotton black t-shirt and a big fuzzy blanket to wear. The man insisted I call him by his first name, Sunil, before he disappeared into the kitchen to make us both delicious egg sandwiches for lunch. After we had both eaten, Sunil scooped me up in his arms and set me down on the couch before handing me the remote so I could find something on Netflix to watch. He informed me that with my permission, he'd like to find a therapist that he'd employ specifically for me and my mental health. For the rest of the day I was coddled and watched over by a man that many feared. How funny that I had to go undercover in Hydra to find a man that actually noticed and tried his best to take care of me, including getting me professional help for the trauma I've experienced both as a child, in S.H.I.E.L.D., and Hydra. I know I should be worried about getting back to my apartment, I knew it on that first day, even traumatized as I was, and still am really, but I don't want to. I don't want to face the reality of leaving the home of a dangerous man that makes me feel safe, I don't want to stop going to therapy and talking to Sheila about my issues, I don't want to go back to a world where no one cares about me and what I want. I don't. I know I need to, and I'll have to, but for now I'll let myself pretend a little longer that I live with Sunil Bakshi, that I am the most important woman in his life other than his sister. I'll pretend that my best friends are Aldridge and Hicks, two people fiercely loyal to Grant Ward and Sunil Bakshi. I'll pretend that this is my life and I can be happy, like I used to be, before my life went to shit. Part of me wishes that Coulson would forget about me and the intel he so desperately wants.

"Jemma! You in here?"

Aldridge shocks me out of the thoughts circling in my head while I fold Sunil's laundry. 

"In the sitting room Lisa!"

I continue folding his white shirts and setting them in a neat pile on the dark leather chesterfield couch while Taylor Swift plays in the background. Aldridge bounces into the living room still in her tac gear, her long blonde ponytail swings as her tall 5'7 frame easily crosses the distance between us. Her dark blue eyes sparkle and I know she's about to tell me something exciting and sweet that Hicks did for her. I smile sweetly at her and envelope her in a quick, affectionate hug. She thrusts her left hand in my face as she beams at me. A large oval cut diamond ring sparkles on her left hand. I let out an excited squeal, before I launch myself into her arms as we jump up and down like little girls. 

"He proposed! And you said yes! I'm so happy for you love!" 

Aldridge snorts at the idea that she wouldn't say yes. The man treats her like a queen after all. 

"So when's Bakshi gonna man up and make you his?"

I gasp before I playfully slap her on the shoulder and laugh. Sometimes she reminds me so much of Sk-Daisy it hurts.

"He's my boss, Lisa. That would be incredibly inappropriate!"

She snorts in disbelief before waving her arm around to Bakshi's apartment that I'm currently cleaning. Lisa silently points out that it looks more like ours than his at this point. My lab coat and the jacket he bought me is hanging next to his leather jacket, there's a small bouquet of pink carnations on the kitchen counter, my scientific documents are laying on his desk next to his laptop, my favorite books and magazines are mixed with his, little vanilla and lavender candles are tastefully scattered around his penthouse, my things are intermingled with his all over the house and we even sleep in the same bed.

"More inappropriate than living with your boss? Jem, he treats you like you're his wife. He makes you breakfast every morning, the last guy that hinted that you were attractive never showed up to work on Monday. He's more protective than Hicks and we both know how protective my 6'6 fiancé is. Bakshi clearly respects you considering the way he throws his weight around when you're upset about a project's ethics and hell dude shot that asshole for you! All I'm saying is you should think about it, would it really be so bad as his woman?"

I sigh and sink into the couch with a weary look on my face. 

"I... It's complicated. I'm not who he thinks I am. I'm not... You don't know me, not really." 

Aldridge stares at me with the most serious expression I've ever seen on her. She squats down in front of me and takes both my hands in hers.

"Honey, I know you better than I think you know yourself. I know that your father abused you physically and sexually since you were six years old until you were able to get away from him and come to America at sixteen. I know S.H.I.E.L.D. and that brilliant brain of yours saved you. I know that the healthiest relationship you've ever had was the platonic relationship you had with your former best friend Leopold Fitz. I know that you gravitate towards men that look nothing like your father, towards men who you know consciously or not would protect you from the man you fear more than anything. I also know no one in your old team ever cared enough to really look into your past, no one cared to ask why you never call your parents, or why when someone raises their voice you flinch and shut down. I know you were sent here undercover, but I also know you haven't submitted a report since Bakshi saved you. I know you, Jemma Simmons. You're a terrible liar, you love tea, your favorite show is Doctor Who, you are truly good in a way that even Ward loved you for, and you desperately crave to be loved and respected. You're my best friend and I love you. I don't care that you weren't entirely loyal at first, my loyalty is to people and your loyalty is to the people you love and the organization that saved you from a monster. I understand and I respect that. Hicks knows and so does Bakshi, but honey, can you honestly say you felt more loved in S.H.I.E.L.D. than you are here? I know you feel torn and betrayed, but even if you decided to go back to S.H.I.E.L.D., you'll still be my best friend. And for the record, Ward honestly didn't know the pod wouldn't float, you were like the little sister he never had. Or well, not quite a little sister because he thought you were sexy when you got all pissed off."

I gasp and stare horrified at Lisa Aldridge, the beautiful blonde specialist who became my best friend over the past week. She knows all my secrets, every last one, and yet here she is telling me she understands and she loves me anyway. I burst into tears because this isn't what I expected at all. I expected to be killed or tortured or brainwashed. At that moment Bakshi walks in the front door. 

"Aldridge, is there a reason my scientist is crying?"

Sunil quickly makes his way to my side and roughly shoves the blonde out of the way.

"Jemma? Are you hurt? What did she say to you?"

Bakshi scowls menacingly at my best friend before he scoops me up in his arms and sits on the couch with me in his lap. Aldridge quickly stands up and flips him off. 

"She's just overwhelmed. Jemma was under the impression that we didn't know S.H.I.E.L.D. sent her undercover. I'm pretty sure they told her that she'd get tortured if we found out."

Bakshi shrugs as if to say it's true. I quickly wipe away my tears and look him in the eyes, my enemy, the man that saved me, my protector, a man I could love. I know I can't stay, though I wish I could. Lisa is right, even if it's lonely and depressing, at the end of the day, they're the good guys, S.H.I.E.L.D. saved me.

"You know I can't stay, my loyalty is to... To S.H.I.E.L.D and my team."

Bakshi frowns and his fingers tighten on my hips like he wants to keep me here and fight anyone who tries to keep me away from him. Aldridge reads the room and quietly lets herself out.

"Why not? You don't owe them anything anymore. I know your heart is too pure for Hydra, but maybe you could find it in yourself to stay, for me."

I shake my head with tears in my eyes, I'm gonna miss spending nearly every moment of every day with him. His hopeful expression falls as he realizes I won't stay. 

"If you... Won't stay. Can I... Can I have you just once before you leave?"

My heart sinks as I say yes, I know I'll never forget him. It breaks my heart that this is all we'll ever get to have.

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Thank you everyone for reading Allegiant Divergence I will be posting updates over the next week.

I plan to start updating all of my stories at least once a week.

- Allison C.