Archive of Our Own ^beta

At twelve, Kaz had become an official member of the Dregs and attracted the attention of Per Haskell himself.

The man was well into his middle age years, a receding hairline and wrinkles stretching over his forehead whenever he raised an eyebrow. On his desk sat a stack of papers and a model ship that was half painted. He smiled at Kaz when the boy entered his office. Kaz sensed no ill intention from it, however warnings whispered at him to be careful, to remember that Jakob Hertzoon had looked friendly too.

"Heard you've been making your way up," Haskell said. "How would you like a big boy job, Brekker?"

And so that night, when twelve bells were tolling, gunfire had erupted at the Exchange and Kaz found himself in the middle of it. A flash of anger had run through him at Haskell's bad information, but the feel of a revolver in his hands made him feel slightly better. Kaz wasn't the best shot, but he could get by. He fired and hit a Dime Lion square in the chest. Smoke rising from his barrel, Kaz fired again and again and imagined each face as Pekka Rollins. He slit the last Dime Lion's throat, admiring the way blood spilled from his neck onto the pavement.

After that, he made routine visits with Per Haskell. The man would smile at Kaz every time. He's using you. He's just like Pekka Rollins—

Kaz never turned down a job. He didn't trust Haskell, but his jobs delivered on kruge and Kaz had to start somewhere. He couldn't just waltz into the Emerald Palace and kill Rollins. He had to bide his time. He had to break Pekka Rollins, not just allow him an easy death.

One time Haskell asked Kaz to walk with him. He was freshly fourteen now, and he had garnered quite a brutal reputation. They made their way along the streets of the Barrel until they ended up just outside Dime Lion's territory. Haskell put out his arm to stop Kaz, who clenched his teeth to ignore the clammy sickness that overcame him.

"See that gambling hall? It's a secret project of Pekka Rollins." Kaz bristled at the name. "I'm sending in you and Terrance to investigate and steal a bit of the house's kruge."

"Yessir," Kaz replied, a plan already brewing in his mind.

Terrance was a real asset when it came to card counting, as it turned out, and him and Kaz quickly drained the gambling hall. A crowd had gathered around them as they gambled. The overcrowdedness pressed in on Kaz, but he kept it together long enough for the stadwatch to arrive. He was arrested and thrown into a holding cell, but he was grinning like an idiot because Terrance had gotten away in the chaos. 

"Brekker, you're free to go. Someone paid off your bail."

Per Haskell led him back to the Slat that night, and before Kaz bid him goodnight, the man pat him on the back. "Good job, kid."

Kaz had entered his room and immediately thrown up. Mr. Hertzoon used to pat him on the back too—

He was still fourteen when he bought his first pair of gloves, met Imgoen, and then broke his leg.

Kaz thought himself useless. He couldn't even touch another person without drowning in memories of Jordie and Jakob Hertzoon, and with a broken leg he couldn't do anything except lie in bed. Surely, Per Haskell had seen his weakness. He wouldn't want Kaz around the Dregs anymore, and Kaz would be thrown back to the streets where he'd been found. Jakob Hertzoon had abandoned him too—

To his surprise, Haskell did none of those things. He allowed Kaz to recover, even as the months went by and summer gave way to winter, as Kaz turned fifteen and slowly went stir crazy the longer he sat doing nothing to break Pekka Rollins. It was then that Haskell offered Kaz to be his lieutenant.

Everything was fine for the next several months. Kaz had built up his walls so high after attempting whatever he had been doing with Imogen that nothing could stop him. His smiles turned into snarls. People took a wide berth around him when they walked by and heard the rhythm of his newly fashioned cane. He'd already had a reputation for cruelty, but the cane and the gloves strengthened him with rumors and misconceptions. Aim for his bad leg, people would say, because they didn't know better to look for his real weakness.

And so, Dirtyhands was born.

Dirtyhands pulled all the strings of the Dregs despite Per Haskell's interference. He still bowed to Haskell, even as his attitude sharpened and he took on more and more jobs. The Dregs soon chanted Kaz's name instead of Haskell's, which he took great pleasure in.

Maybe Haskell knew of the waning loyalty, or maybe he simply didn't care, but he hadn't fought Kaz very hard when he pitched the investment of Inej Ghafa. He'd just called Kaz a fool. Soon Kaz had his spider, who he trained to pick locks and do his bidding. Part of him reminded him that he was using her like Haskell was using them both, but Kaz convinced himself that it was all for Pekka Rollins. 

Inej didn't trust him. It was obvious in her movements and the way her gaze avoided his. However, Kaz noticed the way she intently listened to him as he taught her, the way that slowly over the weeks she began to sit closer to him, the steadiness of her fingers when Kaz's gloved ones got too close.

She had an effect on him too. He realized he didn't mind her sitting near him, even enjoying her company. Kaz looked forward to watching her feed the crows that would gather on his windowsill. Inej had broken down some of his walls, and he had broken some of hers.

There were bad days though. Often Kaz would snap at her, or she wouldn't show up in his office, or Inej would flinch when he got too close in the narrow hallways of the Slat.

Trust, Kaz thought, was such a weak thing. Once bestowed on a person, it didn't take much to shatter it into pieces and stab those pieces into someone. 

He thought of Pekka Rollins masquerading as Jakob Hertzoon, of his fake little family that Kaz had easily fallen into.

Then there was Per Haskell, who had trusted Kaz simply because he knew how desperate and lonely Kaz was, that he needed somewhere to start.

Finally, there was Inej, his investment and spider and crow. He wanted her to trust him, their late night scheming and easy comfort, but Kaz also knew that trust went both ways and he had done nothing to earn hers. He wasn't even sure if he trusted Inej. He wanted to so bad, but the idea sent him spiraling into the past.

Kaz trusted Jakob Hertzoon, and that had gotten him nowhere.