Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[Mondstadt friends]

Traveler created the group “Mondstadt friends”

Traveler added 19 people

Traveler: heya, i’m just testing this feature

Traveler: i added all my friends from Mondstadt

Jean Gunnhildr: Oh, is this a way to speak with multiple people at once?

venti: ehe

D. Ragnvindr: What is this?

Kaeya: A group chat apparently

D. Ragnvindr: Ah, so you’re here too.

Kaeya: Yep, as the Traveler’s friend and all

destroythewineindustry: DILUC AND KAEYA AND VENTI?!! 

destroythewineindustry: traveler why are you friends with these DRUNKARDS 

Traveler: long story

venti: insulting me is fine, but what do you have against wine??

D. Ragnvindr: I don’t even drink.

KLEE: TRAVELER KAYEA JEAN DIONA HIII!!!!

KLEE: AND THEWEIRD GROWNUP

destroythewineindustry: oh hi klee

destroythewineindustry: no one DARE to corrupt klee or i’ll BREAK YOUR KNEECAPS

Kaeya: Wouldn’t dream of it

Kreideprinz: Didn’t you get both Klee and yourself grounded the other day?

Jean Gunnhildr: Yes, he did…

KLEE: WERE SORRY

Benny: wait, the cavalry captain also got grounded?

amber:): yeah it was pretty funny

Kaeya: Why do you betray me this way

Traveler: was that when they couldn’t come to the Chasm or did it happen again?

Kaeya: How do you even know about that??

Traveler: long story

Jean Gunnhildr: By the way, Kaeya, shouldn’t you be working right now?

Kaeya: I’m on lunch break

Jean Gunnhildr: It’s noon already?

~Lisa~: Jean, sweetie, it’s an hour past noon. Have YOU had your lunch break?

Jean Gunnhildr: Ah… I’ll get to it soon, I’m almost done with this report.

Sucrose: um Miss Lisa just left the library and headed for your office

~Lisa~: Open the door, Jean.

~Lisa~: Jean.

~Lisa~: I swear to Barbatos, if you’re still working on that report I will tear the door down and drag you out myself

venti: do it

Noelle: Hello! I just finished cleaning the main hall

Noelle: Well the floor is now full of wood and splinters from the broken door, back to work I go

amber:): wait no, Noelle’s also overworked

Mika S.: I’ll help Noelle.

Sucrose: me too

D. Ragnvindr: She really broke the door and three people have to fix it… The inefficiency of the Knights of Favonius strikes again.

destroythewineindustry: oh please, and what are YOU doing for mondstadt, huh?!

destroythewineindustry: getting people drunk and making them even dumber smh

D. Ragnvindr: I do more for Mondstadt than you realize. And what is “smh”?

venti: lmao he doesn’t know

D. Ragnvindr: I also don’t know “lmao”.

Traveler: they’re acronyms, a bunch of people started using them to text

D. Ragnvindr: Oh. What do they stand for?

Kaeya: No one tell him lmao

D. Ragnvindr: Fuck you.

amber:): language! there’s kids here

D. Ragnvindr: I apologize.

Benny: smh means shaking my head, so like expressing disappointment

Benny: as for lmao, well, maybe shouldn’t say that in a chat with klee, but it’s basically laughter

D. Ragnvindr: Thank you, Benny. Is that your name or would you prefer I call you something else?

Benny: my name’s bennett, but benny’s also fine!

Traveler: nice, my friends are getting to know each other!

Eula: Traveler, explain why my fone has pinged non-stop from all these notifications.

Traveler: uh

Eula: I will not add this to my revenge if you tell me how to silence it.

Kreideprinz: There is an option to make the Fone vibrate instead of ringing, under the “Sounds” section in your Fone’s Settings. 

Kreideprinz: You can also silence notifications from this chat specifically by tapping on the chat name and selecting the “Mute” options. 

Kaeya: Wow, you already have this device all figured out?

Kreideprinz: No, I only looked into the sound options because I also have to mute this chat.

Barbara~♫: oh that’s so useful thank you Mr Albedo!

Barbara~♫: also hi everyone! sorry i’m a bit busy right now but i’d love to talk later!

Eula: It worked. Thank you, Albedo. Now every message sent until now except yours shall be counted as transgressions that I will avenge later.

Traveler: even mine??

Eula: You started this in the first place.

amber:): and me?

Eula: I stand by my words.

MonaMegistus: Oh Archons, Fischl has been typing for five minutes

Benny: yeah i noticed too, hi fischl!

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: I, Fischl von Luftschloss Narfidort, the Prinzessin der Verurteilung and Sovereign of the Immernachtreich, with experience gained from the countless worlds I crossed prior to my sojourn in the Land of Freedom, and with wisdom obtained from peering into the threads of fate itself with mine Auge der Verurteilung, do hereby extend my most bountiful blessings and sublime salutations to all of you, O fellow trusted ones of the Traveler, for anyone favored with such friendship must be also worthy of the Prinzessin’s good graces!

razo r: what

Benny: she says hi

MonaMegistus: She means hi

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: A mere “hi” would equate to the tiniest of sparks amidst the sea of stars that are contained within a greeting from one such as myself! Yet one supposes it is a serviceable, albeit minimalist translation if you so must rely on the common vernacular.

MonaMegistus: So basically, she means hi

venti: a most poetic and flowery greeting, i’m quite impressed by this first meeting~

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Oh

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: But of course, as thou shouldest! Good fellow, I see thou canst properly appreciate the Prinzessin’s arts, and for this mayest thou gain favor not only from myself, but from the watchful winds of the Archon of Anemo as well!

venti: ehe thanks

rosaria: ok cool praise barsibato and all but @Traveler

Traveler: hey you figured out how to tag

venti: barsibato im dead

rosaria: are you done testing this? can i leave yet?

Traveler: i kinda like having all of you in a chat… but you can if you want

rosaria: whatever ill just mute it for now. but ill leave if it gets annoying

Traveler: :D

razo r: d?

amber:): it’s a sideways smiley face, like :)

razo r: what

Kaeya: Turn your fone sideways, see that it kinda looks like two eyes and a smile?

razo r: w hat 

Benny: i’ll go show you, where are you?

razo r: springvale

Benny: omw 

razo r: what

Benny: on my way…

[Liyue friends]

Traveler created the group “Liyue friends”

Traveler added 17 people

Traveler: the other chat worked so what if i…

guobadidit: yo?? hi!!!

penandsword: that’s funny we were just talking about making a chat

penandsword: but not with this many people

chongyun: hello

rock’n’rollin: heya!

Yun Jin: Hi! :)

Ningguang: Greetings.

penandsword: LADY NINGGUANG

penandsword: oh my gods this participant list

penandsword: traveler, my liege, how do you have so many connections

Traveler: long story

guobadidit: oh yeah sometimes i forget you’re a national hero

Traveler: i know some of you are busy people and i hope this doesn’t bother you, but you can mute the chat to stop receiving notifications if that helps

Ningguang: I will, thank you.

Keqing: We can also just leave

Ningguang: Yes, but I see no harm in staying. These are citizens of Liyue and friends of our esteemed Traveler.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: friends of the Traveler are friends of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor!  you all get 10% off as our clients, or 15% if you make a reservation in advance~

Zhongli: Director Hu…

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: yes even you, on top of your employee discount! aren’t i so generous? :D

Yun Jin: Hahaha, this chat is full of interesting people…

piratebooty: you can say that again

Ningguang: Beidou… that’s hardly an appropriate name.

piratebooty: i dont know what you mean <3

Yaoyao: Isn’t “pirate booty” just another way of saying treasure?

piratebooty: yes, im treasure

chillinqilin: oh dear this woke me up

Yanfei: From your noon nap?

chillinqilin: oh dear i overslept 

guobadidit: what? it’s still noon 

Yanfei: Technically, it’s almost an hour and a half past noon

chillinqilin: oh dear im behind on some work

Yaoyao: Ganyu, if you’ve been asleep, have you not eaten lunch?

chillinqilin: no but i dont have the time right now i really need to catch up on work

Yaoyao: Ganyu…

Traveler: deja vu

Yaoyao: I’ll bring Ganyu some plants. She should at least eat while she works.

chillinqilin: thank you so much im so sorry for bothering you

Yaoyao: It’s not a bother, I’m happy to help!

Shenhe: I happen to have some freshly picked Qingxin I would not mind sharing 

Shenhe: Where is Ganyu ?

Keqing: On her way back to her office, probably. You can intercept her on the entrance

chillinqilin: actually i fell asleep in my office this time…

Yaoyao: I’ll guide you, Shenhe.

Shenhe: You have my thanks

penandsword: man i wish my friends brought me lunch 

guobadidit: bruh we do :/

chongyun: you ask us all the time

penandsword: wish i didn’t have to ask

guobadidit: also you don’t have a lot of work so you can definitely stop by the restaurant yourself

guobadidit: in fact you should get me lunch

rock’n’rollin: i don’t think anyone could ever prepare meals as good as yours

guobadidit: it’s the thought that counts

penandsword: i nominate the traveler, probably the second best cook here

Traveler: i spend enough on Paimon…

Zhongli: How is she, by the way? Does she have a Fone of her own?

Traveler: yeah but she doesn’t use it much

Traveler: usually it’s just to play the minigames it came with

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): huhh what is this

Traveler: hey Qiqi! remember me?

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): of course you are my friend 

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): but i remember your name but not your face 

Traveler: that’s okay

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: qiqi? what a pleasant surprise~

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): sorry i dont know you but i dont like how you sound

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: ouch, c’mon it’s not like i’m trying to bury you anymore! (though i could if you want)

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): oh you must be hu tao i hate you

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: >:O

penandsword: LMAO

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: of all things she could remember, why her hatred for me??

goubadidit: i mean that’s understandable, you’re an acquired taste

chongyun: no, never grew on me

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: qiqi pls i’ve changed!! ;-;

Zhongli: Just let the poor girl be, Director.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: i did!!! i’ve been trying to apologize for ages but she keeps hiding!

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): oh ok

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: well that was easy

penandsword: she’s going to forget that apology 

Traveler: most likely

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: siiiiggghhhhh

Yelan: Good thing I already had my fone silenced. These notifications could have caused trouble during my mission.

Traveler: oh i’m sorry…

Yelan: It’s alright, no harm done in the end. 

Yelan: And I’m rather interested in this peculiar group of people. You have a knack for attracting Vision-bearers, huh?

penandsword: you’re right, we all have visions don’t we?

guobadidit: that’s a funny coincidence

xiao left the group

Traveler: someone actually left

Traveler: can’t say i didn’t expect him to, i’m kinda surprised it took this long

Zhongli: I assume he left his Fone in Wangshu Inn while on patrol, and only now did he arrive, see the group chat, and leave immediately.

Traveler: that makes sense

[Messages: Traveler, xiao]

xiao: if you need me for anything just contact me directly

xiao: i'd rather not get involved with many people

Traveler: gotcha, sorry about that

xiao: don’t worry about it

[Liyue friends]

chongyun: was that the Conqueror of Demons??

Traveler: yeah

Traveler: he could use more friends tbh, but a chat like this probably isn’t the best way to go about it

Zhongli: Hmm, perhaps a smaller chat? Can we be in more than one at a time?

Traveler: yep, i’m currently in two

Traveler: wait my other chat’s on fire 

[Mondstadt friends]

KLEE: IM SORRY KLEE DIDNT MEAN TO!!!

Benny: it’s not your fault it’s mine!!

Traveler: oh crap is there literal fire?

Mika S.: And a new crater near Springvale…

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Cast not the blame on thyself, Bennett! For ’twas not you but cruel fate’s whims which cast their shadows upon us on this day.

Benny: yeah, my bad luck… so my fault :(

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Bennett no

KLEE: KLEE SHOULD OF BEEN MORE CAREFUL

KLEE: IT WAS  AN ACCIDENT IM SORRY :(

Jean Gunnhildr: Both of you, calm down. The Knights already put out the fire and no one was harmed besides Bennett.

Barbara~♫: and i’ve already healed him!

Jean Gunnhildr: But yes, Klee, you should’ve been more careful when traveling with explosives. I will be confiscating your bombs for a week.

Benny: please don’t blame her it’s my fault

Benny: things always go wrong when i’m around

Benny: i’m sure something would’ve exploded even if she didn’t have bombs 

Jean Gunnhildr: Bennett, it was completely out of your control. Please don’t blame yourself.

Jean Gunnhildr: And I have to take the bombs anyway. It’s a safety precaution.

KLEE: OKAYY…. IM SORRY AGAIN BENNY!!!!

Benny: i’m sorry too klee

Kreideprinz: Wait, Klee was traveling? Who was with her?

Jean Gunnhildr: … @Kaeya?

Kaeya: I was! I even cut my lunch break short to accompany her

D. Ragnvindr: And you once again failed to stop an explosion.

Kreideprinz: Why do I still trust you with her?

KLEE: DONT BE MAD AT KAEYA HEWAS REPONSLE

KLEE: RISPONSABL

KLEE: UM

KLEE: GOOD ADULT!!!

Kaeya: Thanks Klee

Kreideprinz: You’re on thin ice, Cavalry Captain.

Traveler: it’s fine, he sustain an ice bridge

Kreideprinz: That made me laugh

Kaeya: This is bullying

Kaeya: Klee, don’t bully others, bullying is bad

KLEE: OK PLEASE DONT BULLY KAYA

Traveler: anyway i’m relieved that everyone’s okay

Traveler: and @Benny seriously don’t blame yourself, it’s definitely not your fault 

razo r: on the bright  side

razo r: i understand the faces :)

razo r: thankyou benny

Benny: ok ok you’re right…

[Liyue friends]

penandsword: @Traveler spill the tea

Zhongli: Why would you waste some perfectly good tea?

penandsword: no it’s… a figure of speech…

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: get with the times grandpa

Traveler: there was an explosion in Mondstadt but everything’s fine now

Yun Jin: The way you say that so casually…

Chapter Text

[Inazuma friends]

Traveler created the group “Inazuma friends”

Traveler added 14 people

Traveler: i may be just a tiny bit obsessed :’)

Yoimiya!!!: with?

Traveler: making group chats with my friends

Kazuha: Hello, Traveler and friends. 

Kamisato Ayaka: Oh, hello everyone! (^o^)/

TheOneandOni: HEEEY THERE, TRAVELER’S FRIENDS!!! I’m ARATAKI “Numero Uno” ITTO, LEADER of the ARATAKI GANG! YEP, pretty AMAZING right? ᕙ(^‿–)ᕗ

Shinobu: archons give me strength

Kujou Sara: Archons give me strength

the detective: it’s always funny when you two do that

the detective: also, fortunately for you, an archon is right here

Kujou Sara: What

the detective: check the participant list

Gorou: TRAVELER WHY AM I IN A CHAT WITH THE RAIDEN SHOGUN AND YAE MIKO

Traveler: why not lol

Gorou: THEYRE THE RAIDEN SHOGUN AND YAE MIKO

Yae~: Evidently, we are also friends of the Traveler.

Yae~: And as a good friend of a friend, I wouldn’t mind sharing some tips for grooming your tail…

Gorou: A

SangonomiyaKokomi: Greetings, Guuji Yae. Please refrain from teasing my general.

Yae~: Greetings, little Divine Priestess. How has Watatsumi Island been?

SangonomiyaKokomi: Quite well. Thank you for your help last time.

Yae~: Oh please, I only gave you a little bit of advice… It is by your strength and action that your island prospers.

SangonomiyaKokomi: Your advice was invaluable still. 

TheOneandOni: HHMMMM, I feel like I’m missing something here…

the detective: nahhh just some friendly advice between priestesses

Yae~: Precisely. You wouldn’t understand anyway.

TheOneandOni: HEY, I may be an IDIOT but I’m NOT STUPID!

TheOneandOni: Wait

Yoimiya!!!: same bro same

Yae~: I just meant it because you’re not a priest, no need to get offended! But you know…

Yae~: I could find a job for you and your gang in the Grand Narukami Shrine if you’re interested.

Shinobu: oh no

Kujou Sara: I can’t recommend that

TheOneandOni: Actually we COULD use a job, that’s SUPER kind of you, fox lady!

TheOneandOni: Don’t worry, Shinobu, me and the boys GOT THIS!!! ᕙ(•̀‿•́)ᕗ

Yae~: Ahaha, I look forward to how lively the Shrine will soon be~

Traveler: i have to see that

Kamisato Ayaka: Will you return to Inazuma soon, Traveler?

Traveler: maybe, i just kinda go where the wind takes me

Kazuha: Spoken like a true wanderer.

Traveler: hey yeah, what is it with wanderers and Anemo…

Kazuha: To be able to traverse the world with no shame or shackles falls fittingly under the element of freedom, wouldn’t you say?

the detective: very true

Kujou Sara: Doushin Shikanoin, you have work to do.

the detective: also very true

Kamisato Ayato: Well, well, what is this?

Kamisato Ayaka: Hello, Brother! (^ v ^)

Kamisato Ayato: I see, so the Traveler made a group chat.

TheOneandOni: YOOOO MY BRO AYATO

TheOneandOni: Wait, you’re Kamisato? Why does that sound familiar…

Gorou: Are… are you serious 

Kamisato Ayato: Must be a common name.

Thoma: yes, that must be it

Kamisato Ayaka: Yes, I also have it.

TheOneandOni: Huh yeah…

dontbothermeimsleeping: how do i make the fone stop pinging

Thoma: sayu?? where are you?

dontbothermeimsleeping: uh nowhere

Thoma: wait

Thoma: keep talking

TheOneandOni: Did I tell you about this AWESOME BEETLE BATTLE I had yesterday?

TheOneandOni: It was SUPER EXTREME, but I won by a LANDSLIDE, hahaha!

TheOneandOni: Goes to show the GREATNESS and SKILLFULNESS of ARATAKI “Beetle Gladiator” ITTO!!!

Thoma: I HEAR YOUR FONE SAYU YOURE ON THE ROOF

dontbothermeimsleeping: NO IM NOT

dontbothermeimsleeping: TRAVELER HELP

Traveler: you can mute the fone in settings

dontbothermeimsleeping: thx

Thoma: traveler why

Traveler: it’s for her job, ninjas need their stealth

Raiden Shogun: A wise move by the Traveler. 

Kujou Sara: ALMIGHTY SHOGUN

TheOneandOni: YOU

Thoma: o_O

Yae~: She speaks~

Kazuha: I see.

the detective: interesting

dontbothermeimsleeping: she approved leave me be

Kamisato Ayato: Good afternoon, Almighty Shogun.

Yoimiya!!!: is that the real shogun???

Raiden Shogun: Indeed.

Yoimiya!!!: shogun almighty

Raiden Shogun: Yes?

Yoimiya!!!: wait i didn’t mean aksjfskksjkkd

Raiden Shogun: If this chat is purely for recreational purposes, I must silence it. I cannot indulge in meaningless distractions. However, as I trust the Traveler’s judgment, I shall not leave. Should any of you have dire need of me, you may tag me.

Traveler: aw thanks

Yae~: @Raiden Shogun

Raiden Shogun: Yes?

Yae~: Mind introducing Ei?

Traveler: is that a good idea?

Yae~: She should come out of her shell more.

Raiden Shogun: I shall contact the one within.

Raiden Shogun: what

Kujou Sara: What?

Raiden Shogun: oh hello sara

Raiden Shogun: and traveler, and miko

Raiden Shogun: oh there’s quite a few of you here

TheOneandOni: WHY are you acting WEIRD now?

Raiden Shogun: apologies, i’m not the shogun

Kujou Sara: ???

the detective: huh

Raiden Shogun: well i am, but not the same one as before

Raiden Shogun: she’s a puppet i created to rule in my stead

Kazuha: So Inazuma had a puppet ruler all along?

Raiden Shogun: er yes

Raiden Shogun: not my best move, but i assure you i’m working to take more responsibility now

Raiden Shogun: and the shogun is quite an efficient assistant

Raiden Shogun: i humbly ask that you do not share this information with the public

Yae~: Ei’s heart is in the right place, I promise.

Kujou Sara: Of course. I am forever loyal to the Almighty Shogun.

the detective: can't believe we have blackmail on the shogun now

Kujou Sara: Shikanoin.

the detective: it’s a JOKE

Kazuha: If the Shogun truly intends to do better, I will keep her secret. But should she stray from the path of justice once more, I will be forced to take action.

the detective: man alive, kazuha blackmailing??

SangonomiyaKokomi: I pray that relations between Tenshukaku and Watatsumi Island go smoothly in the future.

Yae~: Sly, but I don’t believe you’ll abuse this power.

TheOneandOni: SHOGUN!!! I’ll keep quiet under ONE CONDITION!!!

Shinobu: boss…

Kujou Sara: Arataki, don’t.

TheOneandOni: FIGHT MEEE!!!!! \(>o<)/

Kujou Sara: Oh for the love of Baal

Shinobu: itto for the love of baal

Raiden Shogun: pardon?

TheOneandOni: You’re one of THE BEST warriors in ALL of Inazuma, right? A worthy opponent for ME (since, y’know, I’m PRETTY STRONG TOO), so I wanna BATTLE YOU!!!

Raiden Shogun: like a spar?

TheOneandOni: Yeah that works! So, you IN???

Raiden Shogun: i suppose i could make time for it, but are you certain?

Raiden Shogun: i am indeed very strong and rather competitive

TheOneandOni: THAT’S THE RIGHT ATTITUDE!!! I’m so HYPED!!!!!

TheOneandOni: When and where???

Raiden Shogun: the shogun will let you know

Traveler: i definitely have to return to Inazuma to see that

Kamisato Ayato: It could be a whole event…

TheOneandOni: HOLY NARUKAMI YES!!!!!

TheOneandOni: What if we invite LOTS of SKILLED FIGHTERS and we have a TOURNAMENT?!?!?!

TheOneandOni: THE ALMIGHTY ARATAKI SUPREME SMASHING ULTIMATE TOURNAMENT!!!!! 

Kamisato Ayato: Yes, I believe I can get the Yashiro Commission to arrange that.

Kamisato Ayaka: Hmm, yes, possibly.

Thoma: who knows

TheOneandOni: Ayato my bro, that would be GREAT!!! (/◕ヮ◕)/

Raiden Shogun: well, if it pleases my people, i must participate

Traveler: sounds fun, i’d join too

Traveler: also i can vouch that pretty much everyone in this chat is a good fighter

TheOneandOni: Then you’re ALL welcome to join!!! It’s gonna be HUGE!!!!!

Yae~: Well, I must admit I expected a fight involving Ei, but I did not think it would be like this.  

Raiden Shogun: thanks for the vote of confidence, miko

Chapter Text

[Messages: Childe, Traveler]

Childe: comrade hi!! :^)

Childe: i hear from Mr Zhongli that you’ve been making group chats

Childe: how come i’m not in any of them?

Traveler: oh i’ve been making them by region

Traveler: and you’re the only one i know from Snezhnaya

Childe: add me to the Liyue chat or something

Traveler: aren’t you a wanted criminal in Liyue or did you actually get away with everything?

Childe: friendly reminder that i have a lot of mora :^)

Traveler: are you telling me you bribed Ningguang or are you trying to bribe me

Childe: both?

Traveler: … how much mora?

[Liyue friends]

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: what if i say what the morax

penandsword: is that using the lord’s name as a swear??

piratebooty: what are gods for if not to swear

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: it’s not like he can do anything about it now that he’s become our client ;)

Zhongli: How tactful.

Traveler added Childe

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: what the morax

Childe: did you just use Morax as a swear

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: so what if i moraxing did

penandsword: rex lapis rolling in his grave rn

Zhongli: Greetings, Childe.

Childe: hi Mr Zhongli look i’m in the chat

Zhongli: I didn’t actually expect the Traveler to add you.

Childe: damn are you disappointed 

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: nah probably overjoyed to reconnect with his wallet

penandsword: wallet?

Zhongli: Director Hu, it’s not like that…

Childe: no i was definitely his wallet but it’s fine, i could spare the mora

Childe: and we were already in contact, that’s how i learned of the Traveler’s chats

Ningguang: If I may ask, what’s the Snezhnayan doing here?

Traveler: long story

piratebooty: he bribed you, didnt he

Traveler: LISTEN

Traveler: PAIMON WOULDNT STOP NAGGING ME I COULDNT REFUSE

Ningguang: Alright. Just make sure he doesn’t cause any trouble.

Childe: not like i can do much by texting

Ningguang: Still, don’t push your boundaries.

Childe: okay okay!

guobadidit: ooh a snezhnayan! can you teach me about snezhnayan cuisine?

Childe: sure! i love sharing the culture of my motherland

Yun Jin: I would also like to learn more about it :)

chongyun: i want to visit snezhnaya someday

penandsword: lmao why’s your name child with an e

Childe: it’s not my actual name

rock’n’rollin: WAIT RED IS THAT YOU

Traveler: i forgot you two met

Childe: huh

Traveler: in Inazuma, that’s Xinyan

Childe: oh, Xinyan! hey comrade :^)

Childe: how’ve you been?

rock’n’rollin: rock’n’rollin XD

rock’n’rollin: no wonder your name sounded familiar, i couldn’t remember if it was kidde or something

rock’n’rollin: wait you’re snezhnayan?? i thought you were from mondstadt

Traveler: oh Paimon did say we met him in Mondstadt didn’t she

Zhongli: You met in Mondstadt?

Traveler: no, it was in Liyue

rock’n’rollin: i’m so confused

Childe: it’s cuz i wasn’t sure how people would react to me being Snezhnayan after all the weird stuff the Fatui have been doing!!

Childe: so back in Inazuma i told Paimon and the Traveler to act like i was from somewhere else

Traveler: what

Traveler: oh yes that’s what happened 

rock’n’rollin: ohhh, it’s cool man

penandsword: i heard the fatui got a nasty reputation in liyue after they tried to sabotage the fight against osial 

penandsword: but it wouldn’t be fair to judge a whole country for the actions of a few

rock’n’rollin: yeah and you seem pretty nice

Childe: ahaha that’s good to hear

Keqing: I don’t know what to say

Ningguang: There is nothing to say. 

piratebooty: thats not suspicious in the slightest

penandsword: hey now i’m curious

penandsword: if your name’s not childe, what is it?

Childe: Tartaglia

penandsword: STOP WHY IS THAT FUNNIER

guobadidit: tortilla

guobadidit: tortellini 

guobadidit: tagliatelle

Childe: yeah yeah i’ve heard it all

guobadidit: tartar sauce

guobadidit: tartare

guobadidit: tartine 

Childe: why are you getting farther??

guobadidit: GASP HOW COULD I SKIP THE MOST BASIC ONE

guobadidit: tart

rock’n’rollin: XD that’s easier to remember

Traveler: hmm i wonder…

Traveler changed Childe to tart

tart: what

piratebooty: you can do that??

Traveler: i think it only affects this chat

Ningguang changed piratebooty to Beidou

Beidou: bruh

Ningguang: I was just testing if anyone could do it.

Beidou changed Ningguang to lookingforbooty

lookingforbooty: BEIDOU

Beidou changed to piratebooty

piratebooty: just testing ;)

piratebooty: you do be lookin for treasure

lookingforbooty changed to Ningguang

Ningguang: You’re on thin ice, captain.

Traveler: deja vu

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: what the morax am i witnessing

Chapter Text

[Knights of Favonius]

Jean Gunnhildr (Acting Grand Master) added Traveler

Kaeya Alberich (Cavalry Captain): Huh, you actually did it

Guy: Surely the Traveler knows…

Jean Gunnhildr (Acting Grand Master): Welcome, Honorary Knight. I do not wish to burden you with all the boring official business of the Knights, hence why I only added you temporarily.

Eula Lawrence (Captain of Reconnaissance Company): The Honorary Knight can settle this fairly.

Traveler: huh

Jean Gunnhildr (Acting Grand Master): As for why, well, the Knights would like your opinion on something…

Huffman Schmidt: Honorary Knight! Who do you think is the strongest fighter in Mondstadt? 

Traveler: pretty sure i’ve heard this discussion before

Jean Gunnhildr (Acting Grand Master): Yes… Multiple times… 

Lisa Minci: It never seems to lose popularity.

Traveler: if i remember correctly, some top candidates were Jean, Diluc, and Klee

Klee: WOW KLEE TOO??!!!

Kaeya Alberich (Cavalry Captain): Yes, most of Mondstadt can agree with that. But what do YOU think, Traveler?

Traveler: oh hmm

Traveler: probably Alice

Klee: YEA MOM IS REALLY STRONG!!!!

Albedo (Captain of Investigation Team): She would likely be the strongest… but she’s not in Mondstadt at the moment.

Traveler: then probably Timmie

Lawrence: The boy with the pigeons?

Traveler: yep

Kaeya Alberich (Cavalry Captain): Unconventional answer, how are you judging him?

Traveler: Genius Invokation TCG 

Swan: True, kid’s a beast in a no-holds-barred duel

Huffman Schmidt: But that’s not what we meant…

Traveler: well you didn’t specify

Belinda: Like, who’s the strongest fighter in actual physical fighting

Traveler: then probably Dvalin or Andrius

Amber: i knew you were gonna say something like that

Otto: They don’t count, no one stands a chance against them

Traveler: i do

Bruce: So does Jean, didn’t she fight Stormterror?

Jean Gunnhildr (Acting Grand Master): I had help from the Honorary Knight and Master Diluc. 

Wyratt: This is getting nowhere

Kaeya Alberich (Cavalry Captain): I think our Honorary Knight is avoiding the question

Lisa Minci: Aw, the cutie likely doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Jean Gunnhildr (Acting Grand Master): Traveler, we didn’t mean to pressure you. I’m sure we’ll take any answer at this point just to let the matter rest once and for all…

Traveler: alright alright

Traveler: the real answer is…

Athos: Did we just spend a solid minute waiting in silence while the traveler wasn’t even typing

Aramis: For the Anemo Archon’s sake…

Porthos: Hush, Traveler is typing 

Traveler: me

Traveler: i’m in Mondstadt right now :)

Amber: so true

Albedo (Captain of Investigation Team): That checks out.

Huffman Schmidt: Ah

Lisa Minci: And there’s our answer!

Jean Gunnhildr (Acting Grand Master): Awesome, case closed, now please stop debating this in the official Knights of Favonius chat.

Jean Gunnhildr (Acting Grand Master) removed Traveler

[Mondstadt friends]

Traveler: lmao is that what the KoF chat’s like 

Sucrose: no it’s actually quite orderly most of the time

venti: there’s a kof chat?

Traveler: i got added as the Honorary Knight to end a discussion

venti: ooo what do the knights discuss

Traveler: who’s the strongest fighter in Mondstadt

venti: obviously you

Traveler: obviously

D. Ragnvindr: Seriously? That’s what the Knights are doing?

Kaeya: Yeah yeah, save the criticism, we know

Kreideprinz: Jean made the chat for official business. This was just a small distraction.

razo r: lupical is strong :)

Traveler: yeah i nominated Andrius too

Benny: my vote’s on grand master varka 

amber:): good candidate but he’s not in mondstadt currently

~Lisa~: Come to think of it, we’ll once again be left without an answer when the Traveler leaves Mondstadt.

Jean Gunnhildr: …

Jean Gunnhildr: Gods dammit

Chapter Text

[Sumeru friends]

Traveler created the group “Sumeru friends”

Traveler added 12 people

Traveler: and with that i’ve made all the chats

Traveler: anyways, hi

✿Nahida✿: Hello!

Nilou♡: Hi! ^^

Nilou♡: Wait oh my gosh Lesser Lord Kusanali??

✿Nahida✿: Ah, just Nahida is fine.

✿Nahida✿: You’re all friends of the Traveler, yes? And several of you helped rescue me.

✿Nahida✿: I hope we can all be friends!

Nilou♡: Me too!! <3

no: the fuck is this

Cyno: Mind your language in the presence of Nahida.

no: i do what i want

Alhaitham: All in all, not a bad philosophy.

Traveler: just don’t hurt others while you’re at it

no: damn there go my weekend plans 

✿Nahida✿: You made a joke? That’s progress!

no: no i definitely intended to go kick some fatui ass 

Traveler: i would like to amend my statement to allow kicking Fatui ass 

Cyno: Traveler, not you too…

✿Nahida✿: Cyno, I appreciate the concern, but I’m five centuries old and share the wisdom of everyone that was once connected to the Akasha.

✿Nahida✿: I can handle swear words.

Flame-Mane: ass isn’t even that bad is it??

Cyno: I understand and would have no problem so long as Lesser Lord Kusanali isn’t being disrespected. 

Cyno: However, I noticed Collei is also in this chat.

collei lily: um hi

Cyno: Please don’t swear in front of Collei.

Tighnari: FUCK

Traveler: Tighnari???

collei lily: LMAO

collei lily: wait forget i said that

Tighnari: Evidently, Collei will be fine

collei lily: oh my archons youre not mad?

Tighnari: We all need to let out a swear every now and then

Cyno: Very well, if everyone agrees then I shall be lenient.

Flame-Mane: FUCK YEAH I DONT HAVE TO HOLD BACK BECAUSE OF KIDS

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): actually i’m keeping a swear jar at 2000 Mora per swear!

Flame-Mane: fuck

Flame-Mane: wait shit

Flame-Mane: damn it

Candace: Keep digging that hole, LOL.

no: i refuse to pay

Traveler: Dori can we get an exemption from the swear jar?

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): the jar fits up to 1000000 Mora, you can pay that in advance as a one-time fee! 

Traveler: where did you even find a jar that big??

Alhaitham: The real question is: are you willing to pay a million Mora to say swear words?

Flame-Mane: i can contribute but paying all of that is too much

Flame-Mane: @no you seem like you swear a lot too, split the cost with me

no: lmao no

Flame-Mane: BITCH WHY

Traveler: i can pay, i did get several million mora from a friend recently… 

layla: whaaa how

Nilou♡: That’s so generous!

Traveler: … it was a bribe

Nilou♡: o_o

no: i bet i know who that was

no: tell him hes stupid

Traveler: tell him yourself

no: dont have his contact

[Messages: no, Traveler]

Traveler: shared contact: Childe

Traveler: go wild

[Sumeru friends]

✿Nahida✿: …

Alhaitham: Why would you insult a friend that provided you such a financial benefit?

Tighnari: Are you surprised? Kaveh does all the time

Alhaitham: He also has no good reason to.

Traveler: my friend has many enemies

Traveler: i’m technically one of them

Candace: LOL, how does that even happen?

Traveler: long story

collei lily: why are your friends so

collei lily: m u c h

Nilou♡: I almost feel out of place, I’m just a dancer…

layla: im a student save me

Madam Faruzan: Don’t put yourselves down! You are still extraordinary by virtue of having Visions. 

Alhaitham: Yes, I also noticed that most people here have Visions, the exceptions being Nahida and the Traveler.

Traveler: i’m a Vision magnet

Traveler: but i have normal friends too y’know! i thought about adding Dunyarzad to this chat

Flame-Mane: tbh i think she’d find it a little overwhelming

Traveler: yeah that’s why i didn’t 

[Messages: Childe, Traveler]

Childe: wtf why did this random person call me stupid and then a bunch of personal insults 

Childe: who is this and why did they say you told them to ‘,:^/

Traveler: lmao 

Childe: comrade??

[Sumeru friends]

layla: im studying theoretical astrology and every now and then i think about how vision bearers fates are tied to our constellations

layla: maybe its just fate that we meet the traveler

no: if only you knew

Traveler: shut up don’t start a controversy

no: well now im more tempted to

✿Nahida✿: No.

no: uuuuggghhhhh fine

Madam Faruzan: Too bad, I’m rather curious about it now…

no: also why am i even in this chat if theyre regional

Traveler: figured you’d fit better with the people here than the Inazuma chat

Traveler: did Childe tell you about the others?

no: he mentioned a liyue one, whys he in it 

Traveler: that’s what the bribe was for 

Traveler: wait

[Liyue friends]

tart: was it one of you?? if it’s a fight you want literally just say so because i’ll gladly fight anyone

Keqing: Stop accusing people at random.

tart: i’m not accusing i’m asking!!!

penandsword: what are you even asking about

tart: the one who knows, knows

Shenhe: That is not very helpful

guobadidit: guoba did it

tart: who’s Guoba?

guobadidit: sent image

tart: aw that’s a funny little dude

tart: but probably not the one who did it 

guobadidit: how would you know

tart: i’ve never seen Guoba before in my life and these insults were targeted

Yanfei: So what I’m piecing together is

Yanfei: Someone randomly insulted you and you think they’re in this chat?

tart: yes

penandsword: my liege, may you share what they said? maybe we can figure out who it is by analyzing their speech patterns

tart: sent image

guobadidit: pFft

penandsword: LMAOOOO

Yanfei: HAHAHAHAH

tart: had to censor confidential stuff but it has to be an adult who knows

penandsword: I CANT BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY SHARED THAT

guobadidit: they completely destroyed you that’s hilarious

Shenhe: I do not understand

Ningguang: Have you no shame, Childe?

tart: SHUTUP THATS WHY IM TRYING TO FIND THEM

Yanfei: If the screen name “burner fone” is anything to go by, that’s going to be hard…

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: RIP tart, killed by words, might i offer you a nice coffin at 5% off for making me cackle 

Traveler: lmao oh my gods

tart: you’re in on it fight me

Traveler: i just told him to go wild, i didn’t expect this

tart: SO ITS A HE

Yanfei: Well, there’s only one other adult male in this chat…

Zhongli: Are you suggesting I did it?

tart: SHIT

Zhongli: I assure you, I did not…

tart: i know you wouldn’t 

tart: guess he’s not in this chat

Traveler: nope

tart: COMRADE PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHO

penandsword: tell him i admire his mastery of the art of insulting

[Messages: no, Traveler]

Traveler: Xingqiu admires your mastery of the art of insulting

no: who the fuck

Traveler: Childe actually shared some of the insults in the Liyue chat and they’re having a field day

no: archons hes an idiot

[Sumeru friends]

Tighnari: If he had to bribe you to add him to a chat, you probably shouldn’t 

Cyno: He sounds like a troublemaker. Does he bother you?

Flame-Mane: he better not

Flame-Mane: otherwise i’m gonna have a chat with him

Flame-Mane: and let my claymore do the talking

Nilou♡: Maybe he’s not that bad and it’s just an inside joke or something?

no: hes definitely that bad

Traveler: i’m too amused to be bothered, now there’s two chats making fun of him

[Mondstadt friends]

venti: one who receives becomes one who sends; i shall share what i got from my liyue friends!

venti: sent image

Kaeya: LMFAO

amber:): oh my archons that’s gold

D. Ragnvindr: Deserved. That’s a Fatui Harbinger.

destroythewineindustry: what a LOSER xD

[Inazuma friends]

Kazuha: sent image

Kamisato Ayaka: Kaedehara?!

the detective: proof that kazuha can blackmail

Kazuha: Beidou said to pass it on.

Yoimiya!!!: AJSGJSJJVDK I KNOW THAT GUY 

Gorou: That poor guy…

Yoimiya!!!: you didn’t hear it from me but he’s with the fatui

Gorou: AHAHAHA FUCK HIM

[Sumeru friends]

Traveler: update: it’s all four chats now

collei lily: pFFF AMBER SENT ME THE SCREENSHOT

collei lily: sent image

collei lily: @no that was YOU???

Flame-Mane: HAHAAHAHHAAH NO WAY

Alhaitham: Huh, those insults are quite thorough.

no: coward censored some of the best parts

✿Nahida✿: Wanderer…

no: let me have my fun dammit

✿Nahida✿: Sigh…

Traveler: Childe’s reputation is in shambles

Traveler: i almost feel bad for him

Traveler: almost

Chapter Text

[Messages: Traveler, Yaoyao]

Yaoyao: Hello, Traveler! I just wanted to thank you again for giving Qiqi and I fones.

Yaoyao: Qiqi forgets a lot, but now she can read our texts and remember some of what we talk about, and that makes me really happy!

Yaoyao: So thank you! :D

Traveler: my heart

Yaoyao: Huh? Did something happen? Do you need some herbs?

Traveler: no no i’m fine, you just surprised me

Traveler: it’s no problem Yaoyao, i’m glad i could help!

Yaoyao: Hehe, you help a lot. I wanna be just like you when I grow up!

Traveler: i’m sure you will be :)

[Messages: collei lily, Traveler]

collei lily: hey um i know ive already thanked you like 100 times for 100 things but heres another

collei lily: ty for making that sumeru friends chat and adding me

collei lily: i thought id be more overwhelmed but its actually been pretty easy to talk in it 

collei lily: idk i guess im more comfortable texting than talking in person, is that weird?

collei lily: i hope i can make more friends that way

collei lily: its also helped me improve my reading skills so thats a plus

collei lily: though master tighnari might take my fone if i get too distracted

collei lily: ah im rambling thats kinda embarassing

Traveler: 1- you’re very welcome 2- i don’t think it’s weird and 3- don’t worry about rambling

Traveler: oh and it’s embarrassing*

collei lily: right ty

collei lily: see? learning haha

Traveler: happy to hear it’s been so helpful :)

collei lily: hhhhhh thanks

collei lily: again

[Messages: KLEE, Traveler]

KLEE: TRAVELE

KLEE: DO YOUREMEMBER THE FIRE GIRL FROM INASUMA???

Traveler: you mean Yoimiya?

KLEE: I THINK

KLEE: CAN YOU GIVE KLEE HER FONE??

Traveler: her contact?

KLEE: I WANA TALK TO HER MORE

KLEE: CAN I CAN I PLEASE!!!?

Traveler: give me a minute, okay?

KLEE: OKAY

[Messages: Traveler, Yoimiya!!!]

Traveler: hey, remember Klee from the Irodori Festival?

Yoimiya!!!: omg of course! she was so sweet, how is she? 

Traveler: she’s well, though her bombs got confiscated after a recent explosion

Yoimiya!!!: hahaha i can relate, i’m currently stuck cleaning the shop after a few fireworks went haywire (^_^;)

Yoimiya!!!: so why’d you bring her up?

Traveler: i gave her a fone too and she asked for your contact

Traveler: do you mind if i share it?

Yoimiya!!!: sure!! it’ll be nice to reconnect, maybe we can even learn a few things from each other (¬‿¬)

Traveler: … welp, whatever results from this shall not be my problem or responsibility!

Yoimiya!!!: dhfhskhdjsfd we’ll behave i promise

[Messages: KLEE, Traveler]

Traveler: shared contact: Yoimiya!!!

Traveler: here it is!

KLEE: YAY THANK YOU TRAVELER 

KLEE: YOUR THE BEST!!!!! :)

Traveler: haha i try

[Messages: Traveler, Yoimiya!!!]

Yoimiya!!!: SHE TEXTED ME SHES SO CUTE (≧▽≦)

Traveler: ikr 

Yoimiya!!!: thanks for the help, traveler!!

Yoimiya!!!: it’s so nice that the fones can facilitate friendships like this

Traveler: yeah you’re right

Traveler: that reminds me of something else i wanted to do…

[xiao support squad]

Traveler created the group “xiao support squad”

Traveler added 5 people

xiao: what

Traveler: this group is smaller to help Xiao get used to other people

xiao: this is unnecessary

Zhongli: I disagree, I think it will benefit you.

venti: xiao support squad :)

guobadidit: wow i’m honored to be here

chillinqilin: conqueror of demons! let me know if you need anything!

Traveler: is there anyone else i should add? 

xiao: this is already more than enough

Zhongli: Despite my grievances with her, Hu Tao is also his friend.

Traveler added Wangsheng Funeral Parlor

xiao: do i even have a say in this

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: xiao support squad!!!!!!!

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: we’re gonna smother you with friendship~

Zhongli: Please no smothering, Director…

venti: @xiao consider this a little push in the right direction

venti: in Mondstadt fairytales, birds learned how to fly only once they had the courage to try

xiao: …fine

Traveler: nice, time to practice conversation

guobadidit: in that case, i can start!

guobadidit: @xiao remember my friends xingqiu and chongyun, from hu tao’s dinner last lantern rite?

xiao: yes

guobadidit: they’re really curious about you, can you tell us about yourself?

xiao: i’m a yaksha and have been slaying demons for millennia

xiao: there’s not much else to say

chillinqilin: i can say youre very strong

chillinqilin: the conqueror of demons was one of our best warriors back in the archon war

Zhongli: Though not many tales of the yakshas survived, it is known that they were indeed skilled fighters who protected Liyue from countless threats even after the Archon War. What’s more, the Conqueror of Demons was one of the five foremost yakshas.

xiao: i was just doing my job

chillinqilin: hes also very kind and surprisingly understanding even though hes so distant

chillinqilin: when i was questioning whether i belonged in the human world or with the adepti, he helped me realize i do belong in liyue harbor

xiao: i don’t understand human matters at all, i simply helped you train so that you could reach your own conclusion

venti: he likes music, that’s how i befriended him!

guobadidit: oh phew finally something mundane and relatable

guobadidit: uh not to say that everything else isn’t fascinating

xiao: i don’t know much about music either, it’s just venti’s songs 

venti: what about them?

xiao: they’re especially entrancing

venti: aww you flatter me~

chillinqilin: i think thats the best compliment ive ever seen him give

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: well for my fun fact i could talk about the history between the Hus and the yakshas and plagues

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: but instead i’ll say xiao’s one of the few people who actually appreciate my humor!!

xiao: you can be annoying but at least you’re not boring

guobadidit: true

chillinqilin: thats a more standard compliment from him

guobadidit: i think that’s exactly how i view hu tao too

Traveler: her sense of humor takes some getting used to

venti: well i think she’s funny

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: see zhongli? it’s not that bad!

Zhongli: I shall withhold my opinion for professional reasons.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: psh it won’t affect your job in the slightest, you just wanna appear all prim and proper

Zhongli: Maybe.

xiao: archons i don’t know why i’m telling you this, i don’t even know why i’m smiling

xiao: but i’m smiling

Traveler: :)

venti: :)

guobadidit: :D

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: >:)

xiao: what is that, what are you doing

Traveler: they’re smileys, turn your fone sideways

xiao: oh

xiao: then i guess

xiao: :)

Chapter Text

[Inazuma friends]

Shinobu: if you saw itto and the boys rolling down mt yougou no you didnt

the detective: and i definitely didn’t laugh either

Kamisato Ayaka: And I didn’t take a picture.

Traveler: and you don’t have to send me that picture

[Messages: Kamisato Ayaka, Traveler]

Kamisato Ayaka: sent image

Traveler: lmao thanks

Kamisato Ayaka: This didn’t happen (☞°ヮ°)☞

Traveler: ☜(°ヮ°☜)

[Inazuma friends]

Kujou Sara: What did they do this time…

the detective: couldn’t tell you, didn’t see it

Traveler: nothing anyone witnessed, clearly

Kujou Sara: Doushin Shikanoin, you’re supposed to be at the Police Station.

the detective: i was investigating a case

Kujou Sara: The records don’t show that you took a case.

Kamisato Ayaka: Apologies for the confusion, I hired him personally on Kaedehara’s recommendation. 

the detective: see?

the detective: also aw thx @Kazuha

Kujou Sara: Thank you for clarifying, Miss Kamisato.

Kujou Sara: Shikanoin, would it kill you to at least leave a note before you go?

the detective: i’ll have to look into that later

Kazuha: Sometimes the wind calls without warning, and we must swiftly answer.

Kujou Sara: With all due respect, Kaedehara, you don’t have obligations, but Shikanoin does.

Kazuha: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Yae~: Excuse me for taking this long to reply, I was definitely not laughing either.

Yae~: The Arataki Gang has done nothing wrong, they were just helping me by cleaning the road to the Grand Narukami Shine…

Yae~: And it seems they slipped. 

Shinobu: gee i couldnt tell

Traveler: you didn’t give them particularly slippery soap, did you?

Yae~: My, my, is that how little faith you have in me?

Yae~: I assure you the soap was completely normal, I can’t afford to have guests slipping too…

Traveler: idk i think you’d find it funny 

Kazuha: “Was”?

the detective: i taught you well

Kamisato Ayaka: I believe Guuji Yae would not actively endanger her visitors, but there may be another force at play.

Yae~: Well, if the bake-danuki on the road did something, it had nothing to do with me.

Shinobu: gods dammit i shouldve known

TheOneandOni: DON’T WORRY, EVERYONE!!! We’re 100% A-OKAY!

TheOneandOni: And I SERIOUSLY hope you DON’T have that picture (’cuz that would be SUUUPER EMBARRASSING), but IF you DO…

TheOneandOni: At least make sure it’s got my GOOD side! ᕙ(^‿–)ᕗ

Traveler: luckily you look good from every angle

TheOneandOni: HAHAHAHA TRUE!

Kazuha: Alas, Miss Kamisato stated that she did not take a picture. Perhaps another time…

Kamisato Ayaka: Perhaps…

dontbothermeimsleeping: im stuck

Traveler: sayu makes an appearance :0

dontbothermeimsleeping: lol kano nanas stuck too so she still cant catch me

the detective: tell her i say hi

the detective: wait wdym by stuck, where are you?

Shinobu: shit 

dontbothermeimsleeping: i was escaping from the shrine

dontbothermeimsleeping: but the floor is super sticky and now i cant move

Shinobu: i checked the soap, it was indeed tampered with

Shinobu: so apparently its very slippery when wet and very sticky when dry

TheOneandOni: Well THAT would’ve been nice to know BEFORE we started walking back up…

Shinobu: dont tell me youre stuck too

TheOneandOni: Psh, I’m ARATAKI “The Strongest” ITTO! Something like this WON’T STOP ME!!! ᕙ(ಠДಠ)ᕗ

TheOneandOni: I’m just staying behind to accompany the boys, GOT IT?

the detective: i think i see you struggling 

Kamisato Ayaka: No, we don’t, remember?

the detective: you’re so right

Yae~: Oh dear, this may have gone a bit too far…

Shinobu: im fucking stuck 

Traveler: lmfao 

Kujou Sara: Shogun Almighty what is going on

Kazuha: I’m approaching Mt. Yougou and can smell Sunsettias, which is quite unusual in Inazuma. Their scent is intermingled with the soap’s.

the detective: it seems someone added sunsettia juice to the soap

Kamisato Ayaka: @Thoma, any advice?

Thoma: let’s see

Thoma: yeah fruits like sunsettias are sugary which makes their juice sticky, though not nearly strong enough to trap people, so there’s gotta be youkai magic at play

Thoma: but it’s still just soap and fruit juice, so you should be able to wash it off with water

Thoma: i’m almost done at the estate, i can go help afterward

Kamisato Ayaka: Thank you, Thoma. (^ v ^)

Thoma: of course, milady (^ v ^)

Shinobu: i could barely reach the water bucket but i finally got it

Shinobu: it worked, im no longer stuck

Shinobu: omw @TheOneandOni

TheOneandOni: Shinobu, you’re the BEST DEPUTY EVER!

dontbothermeimsleeping: uh can i get some help too

Yae~: Good, good, you found the solution!

Yae~: But alas, this also means you’ll have to clean the road again, with normal soap this time…

Traveler: it’s like the first attempt never even happened

Kamisato Ayaka: No one witnessed it, after all. (^‿–)

Chapter Text

[Mondstadt friends]

amber:): did the Traveler leave for sumeru yet?

Traveler: yeah why?

amber:): darn i wanted to send Collei a gift :/

Sucrose: oh that’s a good idea, i’d like to send her something too…

Traveler: i can go back to Mondstadt to pick up the gifts

amber:): really?? 

Sucrose: are you sure it’s no trouble?

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Should the Traveler be unable to, thou mayest ask for the aid of the Guild of Adventurers.

amber:): yeah that was my backup plan

Traveler: dw i can teleport

amber:): you can WHAT

Traveler: but later cuz i’m omw to save a dragon rn

Sucrose: ???

venti: classic traveler

amber:): true idk why i question it anymore

Kreideprinz: Teleportation? 

Benny: that explains how the traveler completes daily commissions so quickly

Kreideprinz: I wonder if it’s an ability unique to the Traveler or if anyone can do it…

Benny: fischl is typing, let’s see what she says

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: ’Tis understandable that you would not know, but the Prinzessin shall trust ye with the truth of teleportation! Ancient mechanisms once shrouded in crimson mystery now bask in a brilliant blue hue like freedom’s skies, thanks to our exemplary Traveler’s exploratory efforts. These devices allow those who bear Visions to traverse vast distances in mere moments, but alas, their use is discouraged due to the perplexing complexity of their inner workings, and thus their true purpose is kept secret from public perception.

Benny: uh

Kreideprinz: Ah, right. I’ve heard of the denominated Teleport Waypoints before, though their research is very rudimentary at the moment.

Sucrose: you knew about it, Mister Albedo?

Benny: ohh you mean those glowing stick things! like the one by mondstadt plaza that turned blue one day

amber:): those things are for teleporting???

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Indeed! As I assist the Guild of Adventurers in investigation, I have tested the teleporters myself. ’Tis a daunting and dizzying experience, for thou mustest be keenly aware of thy points of entry and exit, lest you become lost within the nebulous network and wind up far from where you wished to go…

Benny: oh no, with my luck i’m probably better off walking

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Even I, Prinzessin of the great Immernachtreich, prefer the more mundane methods of travel. 

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Not because of dizziness as Oz so crudely claims, but because one would be foolish to forget that the journey is oft of equal importance to the destination!

Sucrose: how fascinating, is there alchemy behind the teleportation process?

Kreideprinz: It’s very unclear how the original Teleport Waypoints work. However, a portable replica with limited functions can be created via alchemy. 

Jean Gunnhildr: … Is that why the Traveler keeps appearing on the roof of our headquarters?

amber:): wait lol you’re right

Kreideprinz: Most likely.

Jean Gunnhildr: Regardless, that’s nice to know. Thank you for the information, Fischl.

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: A princess must help her people!

Jean Gunnhildr: We have several Vision-bearers in the Knights, and teleportation may make our missions faster and easier.

Mika S.: I’m already double-checking their locations on my maps.

Jean Gunnhildr: Good, thank you as well.

amber:): @Mika S. can you send the ones you have?

Mika S.: sent 4 images

Mika S.: These are tentative maps for Starfell Valley, Windwail Highland, Galesong Hill, and Brightcrown Mountains.

Kreideprinz: You found all of those already? Impressive job.

Mika S.: It’s nothing so impressive, I’d just noticed the strange devices before and wrote them down.

Mika S.: There may be some slightly off from their real locations and others I missed entirely.

amber:): still that’s pretty useful, thanks!! :)

amber:): i’m gonna go test one

amber:): i just finished patrolling stormbearer point, let’s see if i can teleport to stormterror’s lair

Jean Gunnhildr: Please be careful!

amber:): i will!

venti: the teleporting craze has begun, but wouldn’t gliding be more fun?

amber:): yeah probably

amber:): alright i found a waypoint, here i go!

Benny: good luck!

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Remember to keep thy trajectory bright and clear in mind, for any shadow of doubt might obfuscate thine objective.

Eula: Why have we not heard back from Amber in five minutes?

Eula: How long does teleportation usually take?

Eula: If anything happened to her, everyone who encouraged this will have to answer to me.

amber:): DW IM OUT

amber:): WAIT IM IN DRAGONSPINE

Benny: oops i hope i didn’t jinx you

Kreideprinz: Do you need help? I’m also in Dragonspine.

Eula: Amber, how dare you make me worry!

amber:): sorry sorry but i’m fine, promise!

amber:): just a little dizzy, but i’ll rest up and then try teleporting back

Sucrose: i don’t know if that’s a good idea…

Jean Gunnhildr: Amber, perhaps you should regroup with Albedo. We can continue investigating later.

amber:): alright @Kreideprinz can i rest at your camp? i happen to be near

Kreideprinz: Of course. I shall prepare a potion to treat your dizziness, too.

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: In truth, Lady Amber showed remarkable mastery of teleportation for her first attempt. Five minutes are but a single grain amidst the sands of time, and reaching the Fell Dragon’s Peak is not that far a leap from the Lair of the Storm Dragon, especially considering their near-equidistance to her starting point.

Benny: what was your first attempt like?

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Well, I am the prestigious and powerful Prinzessin der Verurteilung! What dost thou think?

Benny: perfect?

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Lady Megistus, I see you typing, and I warn you to be wary of your words.

MonaMegistus: Fischl took like ten minutes and ended up in the middle of Liyue

MonaMegistus: She received quite a fright

Benny: oh

Sucrose: on second thought, teleportation sounds scary

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Even the Prinzessin was admittedly taken aback at first! But one could soon grasp the mystical motions and mysterious mechanisms just as one has for countless other devices across the boundless universe.

MonaMegistus: Can’t deny that, she did get the hang of it pretty quick on her next tries, though she still gets dizzy

Kreideprinz: I’ll have to test it myself when I have the chance. 

MonaMegistus: Might I suggest you accompany Amber? Her next attempt won’t go as she expects

Eula: Is she in danger?

MonaMegistus: No, not according to the divination

Kreideprinz: Then I must pass, as I have several reports and commissions to work on.

amber:): it’s alright, the stars say i’m gonna be fine!

amber:): if i teleport to cape oath or something i’ll just walk back to the city on foot

Jean Gunnhildr: Again, please be careful.

amber:): and i’m off!

amber:): oh hey it was faster this time :)

amber:): UM

Eula: Where are you.

amber:): sent image

Eula: I’m on my way… 

[Liyue friends]

Yanfei: Hey guys! So my friend Eula told me her friend Amber is lost in Liyue

Yanfei: sent image

Yanfei: By the looks of it, somewhere on lower Wuwang Hill

Yanfei: So if anyone happens to be nearby, could you help look for her?

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: a shame, i just left

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: but she’ll receive a special discount on our services if something tragic happens! :)

Yanfei: Thank you but let’s hope not

Yaoyao: I think Qiqi went there looking for herbs.

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): i found a girl 

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): she says her name is amber

Yanfei: Good job! Can you lead her to Stone Gate?

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): i forgot how

Yanfei: Oh Archons

Yaoyao: Qiqi, let her borrow your fone for a bit.

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): amber here, sorry about this whole mess!

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): i can see dragonspine so i assume stone gate is around east from here?

Yanfei: Yep, almost directly east! If you head south you’ll come across a main road that should take you straight there, too.

Yaoyao: Could you take Qiqi with you, please? So I can tell Dr. Baizhu where she is.

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): ofc! ty for the help

Yaoyao: Thank you too!

Yanfei: Should I tell Eula to meet you at Stone Gate?

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): yes pls, i have to carry Qiqi now

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): amber can fly 

Yaoyao: What?

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): she has wings and we are flying down a cliff

Yanfei: That must be a wind glider! They’re common in Mondstadt

Yaoyao: She’s from Mondstadt? I guess Wuwang Hill isn’t too far, but I wonder how she ended up there.

Yanfei: Me too actually, Eula didn’t say…

[Mondstadt friends]

Benny: at least it wasn’t inazuma?

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: My investigations have taken me beyond the borders of our Nation of Wind numerous times, thus do I recognize Lady Amber’s surroundings. She at least finds herself closer to the Storm Dragon’s Lair now. 

MonaMegistus: And yet she’s still not quite there

Sucrose: wasn’t she trying to come back to the city this time?

MonaMesgitus: Maybe, it seems she didn’t decide her destination carefully enough

Jean Gunnhildr: If Teleport Waypoints will just waste more of our time then we shouldn’t use them…

Kreideprinz: We’ll have to learn how to control our trajectory before they become viable. I’ll begin studying it in my free time.

Jean Gunnhildr: Only if you want to. I’d hate to have you doing more work when you’re supposed to be on break.

~Lisa~: Funny, isn’t that exactly what I tell you?

Jean Gunnhildr: I don’t mind working, I like to help.

~Lisa~: Jean…

Eula: I have met with Amber in Stone Gate.

Eula: We won’t be heading back yet because she’s looking after a little girl while someone comes to pick her up.

Sucrose: glad to hear you’re safe!

amber:): ok whew

amber:): that was a trip but we’re on our way back now

venti: so what have we learned

amber:): gliding is better

venti: i couldn’t agree more

Traveler: i just backread everything, even the Liyue chat lmao

venti: how’s the dragon?

Traveler: pacified

Traveler: i have a few more errands to run but i can go help you soon since you’re struggling with waypoints so much

amber:): pls

Traveler: i’m honestly surprised, i thought they were simple to use

amber:): literally just for you

amber:): how do you do it??

Traveler: idk i just do

Kreideprinz: I suppose, in a way, that is indeed an ability unique to the Traveler…

Chapter Text

[Sumeru friends]

Madam Faruzan: @layla, did I just see you sneaking out of the House of Daena which is supposed to be closed at this hour?

layla: oh hi madam faruzan! don’t mind me, i’m just sleepwalking

Madam Faruzan: Alright.

Madam Faruzan: Wait, what?

Cyno: What’s this about sneaking out of the closed House of Daena?

layla: i’m sorry, i promise i wasn’t doing anything bad! 

layla: i was just returning a book because i didn’t get the chance to in the day

✿Nahida✿: Layla’s very responsible, no need to arrest her for this.

Cyno: Since you say so, Lesser Lord Kusanali.

✿Nahida✿: As I’ve said, Nahida is fine! 

Cyno: Right. Apologies, Nahida.

✿Nahida✿: No biggie. ^^

Madam Faruzan: Are we going to ignore that Layla said she was sleepwalking?

Traveler: what were all of you doing up at midnight

Candace: Work, probably.

Traveler: anyways

Traveler added Kaveh☆

Traveler: you have reached chat status 

Candace: Welcome!

Kaveh☆: Ty ty

Kaveh☆: Honored to be here haha

Tighnari: Oh no.

Kaveh☆: ??

Alhaitham: Well, peace was good while it lasted.

Kaveh☆: Okay FUCK you

Alhaitham: No.

Traveler: oopsies i forgot about these two’s weird dynamic

Tighnari: No you didn’t.

Traveler: no i didn’t lmao

Traveler: @Alhaitham @Kaveh☆ you’re both my friends so now you gotta deal with it

Kaveh☆: Fiiine

Kaveh☆: Shouldn’t be too hard, I have to put up with this guy every day of my life…

Alhaitham: I could say the same.

Kaveh☆: Oh please you have it easy, I’m not nearly as insufferable as you

Alhaitham: I don’t care for debating with someone so obstinately wrong.

Kaveh☆: AT LEAST I DONT STEAL YOUR KEY AND LEAVE YOU LOCKED OUT

Alhaitham: Technically, both keys are mine, and it’s your responsibility to take care of the one I lend you.

Kaveh☆: Can’t very well do that when YOU KEEP TAKING IT

Alhaitham: I take it because you forget it.

Kaveh☆: I FORGET IT BECAUSE YOU TAKE IT

Traveler: munches popcorn

collei lily: fr

Tighnari: Every single time.

Candace: If I may ask, what are the keys for?

Traveler: their house 

Kaveh☆: SHUT

Nilou♡: They live together??

collei lily: yeah

Candace: LOL!

Kaveh☆: So glad my misery entertains you

Tighnari: It does beat Cyno’s jokes at least

Alhaitham: I don’t even know why you want to hide it so much, but for what it’s worth, everyone here is trustworthy according to the Traveler.

Traveler: yep!

Kaveh☆: Oh thank Kusanali 

✿Nahida✿: I didn’t do anything, but you’re welcome, I guess?

Kaveh☆: What

Alhaitham: That’s Lesser Lord Kusanali.

Kaveh☆: HOLY SHIT REALLY??

layla: wait i didnt know that either

Nilou♡: It was one of the first things I said in this chat…

collei lily: and cyno mentioned it again last night

layla: i totally missed it sorry

Kaveh☆: I apologize for my outburst I swear I’m usually a chill person

layla: im so sorry if ive been disrespectful aaa

✿Nahida✿: Don’t worry about it, we’re all friends here!

Candace: BTW, how are you, Layla? It seems you were sleepwalking again last night.

Madam Faruzan: I was about to bring that up.

layla: no wonder i still feel so tired 

Traveler: you should probably get more rest

layla: but i have a research paper due in two days and ive only written like three pages im not even halfway done

Kaveh☆: Oof gl 

Traveler: maybe don’t spend time in the chat then?

layla: right i was just gonna mute it so that it doesnt distract me

Nilou♡: You can do it Layla!! ^^

layla: i really hope youre right

collei lily: three pages and its not even half?? the akademiya scares me

Nilou♡: Same

layla: it should

Kaveh☆: It should

Alhaitham: It’s overrated.

Traveler: wow

Madam Faruzan: Don’t listen to them, Collei! It’s actually a really good resource if you use it right.

Tighnari: Just don’t become like those former “Sages” who put their ignorant pursuits ahead of their people and their god.

collei lily: hhh i think ill stick to being a forest ranger

Madam Faruzan: I’m just saying, I think you’d be a great student.

collei lily: ill let you know if im ever interested…

Madam Faruzan: Excellent! I’ll gladly support you when that day comes.

Alhaitham: The more appropriate word would be “if” that day comes.

Madam Faruzan: Hush, don’t argue with your senior!

Kaveh☆: Yeah Alhaitham don’t argue with your seniors

Alhaitham: Kaveh, you’re not even from Haravatat.

Kaveh☆: So?

Tighnari: Must you bring your bickering to the group chat?

Kaveh☆: HE STARTED IT

Alhaitham: You did this time, but regardless, the one who continues it is equally responsible.

Kaveh☆: Okay fair, sorry Tighnari

Alhaitham: I apologize, Tighnari. I have better things to do right now than continue teasing Kaveh, anyway, so I’m taking my leave.

Kaveh☆: You were doing it on purpose??

Kaveh☆: HEY COME BACK

Candace: Take it to the DMs.

Kaveh☆: Trust me I will

Traveler: damn it’s over

Tighnari: Thank Kusanali, I’ve heard enough for today.

✿Nahida✿: That’s pretty funny, why do you guys keep thanking me?

Tighnari: Sorry, force of habit 

Traveler: welp, guess i’ll go update the other chat

[xiao support squad]

xiao: can someone help me convince xiangling that she doesn’t have to make almond tofu for me every week 

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: @guobadidit you’re a great friend, keep it up

Zhongli: Thank you, Xiangling. I’m sure he appreciates it.

xiao: that’s the opposite of what i asked

guobadidit: it’s really no trouble, xiao! i have fun making it and i go to wangshu inn to chat with smiley yanxiao anyway

xiao: fine, since you so stubbornly insist

chillinqilin: he gave in

chillinqilin: xiangling has the power of actual gods

venti: an argument strong and sound, considering one even follows her around 

guobadidit: and guoba likes cooking for xiao too :)

xiao: alright alright i get it

Traveler: glad to see Xiao’s used to the chat lol

Traveler: and on that note,

Traveler: @xiao i’m gonna add Baizhu to the Liyue chat, do you wanna be added too?

venti: yooo is xiao ready for his next step in socialization??

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: ughh why baizhu

Traveler: i’ve known him for a while, figured it’s about time he got added

Traveler: plus he’s a renowned doctor so it’d be nice if the others could contact him quickly

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: can’t believe you’re supporting his business over mine, i feel so betrayed :’(

Traveler: i mean, they can contact you quickly too

xiao: why would i join the liyue chat though

xiao: you guys are enough

venti: expand your boundaries! why limit yourself?

guobadidit: i’m sure everyone will be happy to have you in the chat!

Zhongli: Still, it is ultimately Xiao’s choice. He doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to.

xiao: i don’t know

chillinqilin: you could give it a try and just leave again if its not for you

Traveler: what exactly bothers you about a bigger chat?

xiao: as i’ve said before, i shouldn’t get involved with many people

guobadidit: because of the karma effects or whatever it was? i thought vision bearers were resistant to it

xiao: more than the average person but still not immune 

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: but that excuse doesn’t work in a chat since you don’t have to be physically close to anyone

Traveler: yeah, you can keep a safe distance and still interact with people 

xiao: there’s other reasons i’d rather not

chillinqilin: ah i think i know what one is…

venti: both are dumb reasons imo

Zhongli: Venti…

venti: do you disagree?

Zhongli: Admittedly, no, but you could be more considerate.

guobadidit: … i’m lost

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: 1- xiao doesn’t wanna risk making more friends who will die before him

guobadidit: oh crap i hadn’t thought of that

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: downsides of being immortal (take a hint baizhu)

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: and 2- xiao doesn’t think he deserves friends anyway which is totally wrong >:/

xiao: that’s not exactly it

xiao: i just don’t need more

Traveler: it’s not about needing or deserving friends

Traveler: are you sure you’re content just with us and the adepti? do you really have absolutely no interest in meeting more people?

venti: are you so scared of regretting it that you won’t even try? 

xiao: cease this line of questioning.

Zhongli: They are important questions to consider. 

venti: you’re free, xiao, are you going to shackle yourself?

Zhongli: What do you want, Xiao?

chillinqilin: ten minutes passed and he didnt reply… you may have pushed him too hard…

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: maybe he went demon-slaying to avoid having to answer

xiao: i was clearing my mind

Traveler: conclusions?

xiao: i’ll join the chat

Traveler: :D

Zhongli: :)

guobadidit: :D

xiao: like ganyu said, i’ll just leave if it’s not for me 

Traveler: that’s fair

Venti: at least you’re giving it a chance :)

[Liyue friends]

Traveler added 2 people

Dr. Baizhu: Ok

Traveler: everyone say hi!

Traveler: oh hi already Baizhu

Dr. Baizhu: Hello hello

Yaoyao: Hi, Dr. Baizhu!

Keqing: Dr. Baizhu, so the Traveler got you too

Dr. Baizhu: So it would seem

Yelan: Baizhu and Xiao, greetings.

xiao: hey

Yelan: Good to have you back, Xiao. I hope you’ve been taking care of yourself.

Yanfei: Dr. Baizhu, Conqueror of Demons, hi!

Dr. Baizhu: I’m usually busy but little Qiqi’s quite fond of this chat when she remembers it exists so I’ll stick around ig

penandsword: the acronym in the end caught me off-guard

Dr. Baizhu: Tbh I don’t like typing and usually can’t even be bothered to spell correctly

Dr. Baizhu: You can only read what I’m saying thanks to autocorrect

penandsword: mood

Traveler: fr

Dr. Baizhu: You’re on mute while I work btw

Dr. Baizhu: But feel free to @ or dm me if you need medical help 

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: @Dr. Baizhu

Dr. Baizhu: I’m pretty sure you don’t need help but what is it

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: i need you to stop trying to defy the cycle of life and death >:(

Dr. Baizhu: Noted 

penandsword: wait he’s doing what

Yelan: Don’t worry about it.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: this is war @Dr. Baizhu

Traveler: even with hu tao’s rivalry, this was a much smoother introduction than the sumeru chat

penandsword: what happened in the sumeru chat?

Traveler: i added the second half of the weirdest pair of roommates

Traveler: can’t tell if they hate each other or if that’s just their way of caring

Traveler: actually i’m getting notifications rn, they’re at it again

[Sumeru friends]

Kaveh☆: So Alhaitham blocked me in dms and normally I would respect that instead of turning to a chat to circumvent the block but

Kaveh☆: @Alhaitham YOU BASTARD YOU TOOK THE KEY AGAIN

Alhaitham: No, you left it.

Kaveh☆: LET ME IN

Alhaitham: I’m not at home, and that’s not my problem.

Kaveh☆: ALHAITHAM WTF

Traveler: lmfao

Kaveh☆: Kusanali what did I do to deserve this

✿Nahida✿: Probably leave your key?

Kaveh☆: JKJSUHWJDS I FORGOT YOURE HERE

Chapter Text

[Liyue friends]

penandsword: i’m just saying, light novels gained a lot of popularity in inazuma and the market for them has expanded since the sakoku decree was repealed

penandsword: liyue’s behind with the times

Zhongli: If that’s the case, I would like to try reading one. Do you have any recommendations?

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: the idea of down-to-earth zhongli reading one of those quirky inazuman light novels is so funny to me

guobadidit: now i’m interested too

Yun Jin: I could learn much from other mediums of storytelling :)

penandsword: well there’s a lot, where to even begin…

Traveler: there’s “A Legend of Sword”, a six-volume martial arts light novel series written by Zhenyu and illustrated by Calx

penandsword: good example :)

Yun Jin: Oh, is the author from Liyue?

Traveler: yep

guobadidit: that name sounds familiar

chongyun: i think i saw a copy in wanwen bookhouse one day and then never again

penandsword: alas, liyue didn’t pick up on its greatness

Traveler: it’s more popular in Inazuma, the author even signed copies of the most recent volume during the Irodori Festival

guobadidit: oh wait now i remember

penandsword: remember what??

guobadidit: venti said he and xingqiu met at a convention discussing zhenyu’s novel or something

penandsword: oh yeah haha

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: wasn’t that a cover-up?

chongyun: hu tao be quiet 

penandsword: so maybe it’s not the full story but it’s still what happened

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: hmmmmm 

Zhongli: I suppose I should try reading it, if Venti enjoyed it as well.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: he does strike me as someone with good taste 

Yun Jin: I’ve written it down for when I have the chance to read it! Do you have any other suggestions?

Traveler: i do but… actually i can’t remember their names very well

Traveler: most of them have long and/or wacky names

penandsword: the reincarnated as a hilichurl one…

chongyun: the what?

Traveler: we don’t question it

Traveler: fun fact, just yesterday i helped the man who’s writing a series based on Genius Invokation TCG 

penandsword: oh yeah i’ve read that one

guobadidit: gitcg has book series??

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: it even has lore

Yun Jin: That sounds really interesting!

Zhongli: What’s Genius Invokation TCG? 

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: :OOO

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: rex lapis’s corpse, how have you not heard of genius invokation tcg??? 

Traveler: not hu tao swearing by a corpse

penandsword: i live for hu tao’s weird rex lapis swears

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: well his corpse is all that’s left!! 

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: that and his statues of the seven, would you rather i swear by rex lapis’s exposed torso on the statues cuz damn he kinda hot tho?

xiao: i regret opening this chat

Zhongli: Director… Why…

tart: she’s got a point tho

xiao: can you just answer his tcg question

chongyun: genius invokation tcg is a trading card game, that’s what tcg stands for 

chongyun: somehow i’m a character card and i don’t know why or how

guobadidit: me too

penandsword: same

Traveler: most of the new character cards are friends of mine lmao

Traveler: wait that’s kinda suspicious now that i think about it

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: hey where’s my card, huh? how come chongyun of all people got one before me?? :(

penandsword: lmao sucks to suck

chongyun: i’d agree with hu tao since i’m more reserved than she is, but the way she said that feels like she’s insulting me…

Yun Jin: @Traveler, is there a way you could find out the name of the GITCG novels?

Traveler: i’m gonna ask in the Inazuma chat, hold on

[Inazuma friends]

Traveler: hey do you guys have light novel recommendations?

SangonomiyaKokomi: For whom?

Traveler: and @Yae~ what’s the name of the TCG series?

Traveler: for my Liyue friends

Yae~: “King of Invokations” by Fukumoto, illustrated by Asagiri.

Traveler: thanks

SangonomiyaKokomi: Did you tell them about Zhenyu’s “A Legend of Sword”?

Traveler: yeah lol

Yae~: There’s also “Life Made Me a Fighter When I Just Want to Be a Writer”, a martial arts story set in Liyue. I recommend it if your friends are just starting out in the world of reading light novels.

Traveler: ooh i’ll definitely suggest that one then

Yae~: As for other recommendations, “Shogun Almighty: Reborn as Raiden with Unlimited Power” and “Pretty Please, Kitsune Guuji?” are still very popular and conveniently sold in the same collection.

SangonomiyaKokomi: Economic.

Traveler: that’s a good way to get Zhongli to buy them

Yae~: “Onibudou” is long and ongoing, but it’s generally well liked among young people.

Traveler: i’ve helped its author look for inspiration

Traveler: how’s he doing?

Kamisato Ayaka: Honestly, the story is getting rather packed and the protagonist has too many abilities, but at least it’s a consistently entertaining read.

SangonomiyaKokomi: Fellow light novel enjoyer?

Kamisato Ayaka: Fellow light novel enjoyer. (^‿–)

Yae~: There’s your own “The Miraculous Adventures of the Traveler”, too — rather niche these days, but with a solid fan base who, by the way, wonder if there will ever be a continuation…

SangonomiyaKokomi: Wait, the Traveler wrote “Miraculous Adventures”? Gorou and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, haha.

Kamisato Ayaka: I’m also a fan! (^ v ^)

Traveler: i just came up with ideas, there was a whole team of writers and editors working on it

Yae~: And I’m sure we can set it up again, if you’re ever interested in making a sequel.

Traveler: i do have material for a potential chapter 4…

Kamisato Ayaka: I look forward to it!

SangonomiyaKokomi: Me too!

Kamisato Ayaka: If you ever write it, I mean. No pressure, though! (´∀`)b

Traveler: maybe someday

Yae~: Maybe~

Kujou Sara: Why has this chat become a book club?

Traveler: hey Sara

Traveler: and Itto, i see him typing

Kujou Sara: Oh Archons does he just want to provoke me?

TheOneandOni: Is there something WRONG with books, Kujou Tengu? Because I’ll have you know: light novels are AWESOME!!!

TheOneandOni: The ACTION, the DRAMA, all in a simple package, it’s the PEAK of literature! I know King of Invokations FRONT to BACK! Seriously, you can ask me ANYTHING about it. ᕙ(^‿–)ᕗ

the detective: you can read?

Traveler: lmao

TheOneandOni: Uh, OBVIOUSLY? What’s with that question?

the detective: nothing nothing

Kujou Sara: How can someone be this dense…

the detective: btw i have recommendations: “the case files of miss orith” and “the honest cat’s little lie”, both have good mysteries

Kamisato Ayaka: Yes, I love “The Case Files of Miss Orith”! 

Kujou Sara: Isn’t the other one very hard to follow?

the detective: skill issue

SangonomiyaKokomi: Might I also recommend “The Coralsong”? It has one of the best depictions of Watatsumi Island and its culture in mainstream media.

Kamisato Ayaka: Oh, and if your friends are into romance novels, I recommend “The Chaotic Epic That Is the Tale of My Youthful Love Life”. Though it uses several tropes, it’s very well written.

Yae~: And of course, you can always go for the classic “The Good Thing About Being Reincarnated as a Hilichurl Is That I Only Need to Eat Sunsettias to Become Stronger”.

Traveler: ah yes the reincarnated as a hilichurl one

Traveler: thanks for all the suggestions!

[Liyue friends]

guobadidit: it’s not a character card but hu tao does appear in an event card

tart: hey me too :^)

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: ew why do i have something in common with tart

tart: what did i ever do to gain all this dislike??

xiao: do you actually want me to answer that

tart: wait no

Wangsheng Funeral Palor: i’m half joking, i actually had a reason to appreciate him 

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: back when he was in liyue zhongli could mooch off him instead of me whenever he forgot his wallet :’)

penandsword: lmao

Zhongli: I don’t do it as often now…

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: not as often ≠ not often

chongyun: the Conqueror of Demons also appears in an event card

xiao: ?

penandsword: honestly, even if you don’t play you should see the cards

penandsword: the art is really good

Yun Jin: I agree! My favorite card is the one based on “The Divine Damsel of Devastation”, I smile every time I see it :D

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: has anyone else noticed that the archaic petra cards depicting morax kinda look like zhongli ‘,:/

tart: how peculiar

penandsword: having seen my artist friend use real-life models to represent other people, i think mr. zhongli’s a good inspiration for rex lapis

Zhongli: I’m flattered.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: hmmmmmmmmmmm 

Keqing: Speaking of Genius Invokation TCG art, Ganyu and I found a suspicious card

penandsword: the way even the yuheng plays tcg

guobadidit: suspicious?

Keqing: It’s called “The Bestest Travel Companion!” and depicts Paimon with two mysterious people. One of them seems to be the Traveler, and the other has a very similar hair color. Who do you think that might be?

tart: the Traveler’s missing twin??

Keqing: My thoughts exactly. But who made this card, and how do they know what the Traveler’s twin looks like?

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: rotting exuvia, that’s a good question :0

Keqing: … Rotting Exuvia?

Traveler: sent image

Traveler: here’s the list of Inazuma chat’s light novel recommendations

Yun Jin: Thank you!

Traveler: oh that card has my twin yeah

Keqing: How accurate is that image?

Traveler: eerily accurate

Traveler: i heard Genius Invokation was made by Akademiya researchers so i’ve been looking for clues while i’m here

Keqing: I’ll see if we can use it to better our efforts of searching for your twin

Traveler: thanks :)

Zhongli: That is indeed incredibly suspicious… Where did those researchers get all that knowledge from?

Traveler: i sometimes wonder if the person behind it is actually some bored Abyss Order member taking a human form

Traveler: wouldn’t be surprised tbh

penandsword: would that mean we’re supporting the abyss order by playing tcg???

Traveler: how about we just

Traveler: don’t question it anymore

Chapter Text

[Sumeru friends]

Traveler: i can’t believe i saw all of you in Sumeru City today

Traveler: except Nahida but i guess she’s busy

Candace: A very pleasant surprise.

Tighnari: Indeed.

Traveler: the Akademiya Extravaganza is so cool!!!

Traveler: why had i not heard about it before? how does Paimon always learn of these things before i do?

Traveler: also to anyone who wasn’t aware, @no is Hat Guy

layla: ohh

collei lily: LMAO he actually goes by that??

no: blame kusanali

Traveler changed no to Hat Guy

Hat Guy: of course you did

Traveler: <3

Hat Guy: gross

collei lily: i didnt expect you to just… accept that title

Hat Guy: i had no say in it

Hat Guy: but what works works ig

collei lily: its so funny

collei lily: no offense

Traveler: you have no idea how hard it was for me to keep a straight face when Kareena called him that

Traveler: if not for Paimon keeping me grounded i may have rofl-ed irl

Hat Guy: thats disgusting never say that again

Traveler: i’m gonna rofl irl right in front of you out of spite

Nilou♡: Oh I just realized all the Darshan representatives are here!

Nilou♡: Good job today, you guys! 

Nilou♡: And sorry about the issue with the points, @Kaveh☆ and @Madam Faruzan >_<

Kaveh☆: It’s fine

Alhaitham: You could have accepted the points when Madam Faruzan offered.

Kaveh☆: No I couldn’t, as I already explained, but you unsurprisingly wouldn’t understand my reasoning

Alhaitham: You’re right, I don’t, but in the end it’s only your loss.

Kaveh☆: I haven’t lost yet!! There’s two rounds left, I can still win

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): hey hey hey, participants of the Interdarshan Championship and/or the Wisdom Gala! just letting you know i’ve got some great bargains going on~ such as some Super Booster Supplements to temporarily increase your strength and dexterity for the challenges! dm me if you’re interested ;)

layla: i dont think i can afford any of it

Madam Faruzan: Seeing as you managed to get third place, you probably don’t need it.

layla: i was just lucky that candace caught the swiftfly for me

Candace: Dehya’s hairpin attracted it, perhaps you should thank her instead.

Flame-Mane: nah i didn’t do anything

Candace: It was your idea to go shopping for accessories.

Flame-Mane: speaking of, we’re not done yet, get back here

Candace: I guess I must go. To the rest of you, TTYL!

Cyno: Congratulations on first place, @Tighnari.

Tighnari: Thanks. No hard feelings, right?

Cyno: Of course not. Emotions aren’t physical.

Traveler: is that

Traveler: is that a joke?

Tighnari: Fuck why did you ask

collei lily: oop

Kaveh☆: And there he goes

Tighnari: Look at him typing, he’s gonna give you the full explanation…

Madam Faruzan: His definition of a joke never fails to puzzle me.

Cyno: Yes it is. It seems you didn’t get it, so I’ll explain: Tighnari said “no hard feelings” as an expression to mean that I don’t hold a grudge against him due to the results of the competition. However, I took it to literally mean “hard feelings” as if emotions could be solid. But emotions are in the mind and thus have no physical form, so they can’t be hard. Therefore, there must necessarily be “no hard feelings”. Do you understand now?

Kaveh☆: And there it is

Hat Guy: wtf

Traveler: … ah.

layla: ive seen a whole new side of the general mahamatra today

Nilou♡: I’ve seen it a few times and it still surprises me every time

Cyno: I thought the joke was funny.

Alhaitham: It was clever, I suppose.

Tighnari: Anyway, congratulations to @Madam Faruzan and @layla as well

collei lily: yea congratulations!

layla: ty

Madam Faruzan: Why, thanks! But I must thank @Kaveh☆ too—we worked together, after all.

Kaveh☆: It was fun :)

Traveler: good luck to everyone on the second round!

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): yes yes, good luck!

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): ooor, if you’d rather not rely on luck, just let your good pal Dori help you out! at a price, of course

Traveler: i just realized that if the point system is the same in the next rounds, there’s a way for all of you to tie

Nilou♡: A six-way tie? I don’t remember if the rules say anything about that…

Alhaitham: We shall see.

Kaveh☆: Wait what would happen with the reward?

Kaveh☆: Alhaitham??

Traveler: we shall see indeed

Nilou♡: Good morning! Friendly reminder that the second round starts today at 10:00 AM! See you there ^^

Tighnari: Thank you.

Traveler: noted!

Candace: Good luck to the participants.

collei lily: gl!!

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): last chance to get some boosters before it starts!

Flame-Mane: oops a bit late but good luck! how’s everyone doing?

Flame-Mane: wait you’re probably too busy to check your fones

Traveler: i’m running around recording everything

Traveler: Tighnari had to forfeit but everyone else is still going

Traveler: well almost, Hat Guy’s barely moving according to the locator

Hat Guy: cant be bothered

Flame-Mane: honestly what a vibe

collei lily: wait what happened to master??

Tighnari: Don’t worry, Collei, I’m fine now.

Tighnari: I simply suffered from heat exhaustion. I’m resting in Aaru Village and will head back to Sumeru City later.

collei lily: oh ok

Candace: It’s getting late. Has there been any trouble? 

Traveler: i couldn’t find Faruzan where the locator says she is 

Traveler: but she has her fone so i trust she’ll contact us if she’s in danger

Traveler: i’m gonna check on Layla in the meantime

Kaveh☆: Archons that took forever

Traveler: lol guess there won’t be a six-way tie

Nilou♡: Yeah I’d forgotten that the amount of points changes between rounds

Nilou♡: Anyway, congratulations @Cyno, @layla, and @Kaveh☆!

Flame-Mane: those were the second round winners? congrats!

Kaveh☆: Hah yeah, I’m still in it to win it

layla: idk how i keep doing it but ty

Tighnari: I’m glad my struggle there didn’t hinder Cyno

Cyno: Tighnari’s fate was tragic, but I ensured I won for the both of us. It’s what he would’ve wanted.

Tighnari: Why do you keep acting like I’m dead…

Madam Faruzan: Come to think of it, @Hat Guy forfeited too, correct? What was his reasoning?

Hat Guy: none of your business

Madam Faruzan: You should be more respectful towards your senior, you know…

Hat Guy: what makes you think youre my senior

Traveler: changing the subject, have you guys tried the Wisdom Gala booths?

Kaveh☆: Well that’s as subtle as Alhaitham 

Flame-Mane: lmfao

Nilou♡: Oh right, some stalls have new games today, for anyone who didn’t know!

collei lily: i tried some of the booths but um im not very good at them…

collei lily: the story one confused me and i couldnt time the animal one and i took really long on the star one

layla: i thought gathering of stars was pretty simple

layla: but maybe thats because its the only non stressful thing ive done recently 

Traveler: oof

collei lily: its probably easy, i just have poor hand eye cordination

Tighnari: Coordination*

Madam Faruzan: It’s “coordination”.

collei lily: ah thanks sorry

Madam Faruzan: Don’t worry about it! It’s good to see you’re trying to learn.

Cyno: I’ve tried all the Darshans’ activities. Not to be partial to my own, but Spantamad’s is my favorite.

Flame-Mane: that’s the fighting domain one, right?

Tighnari: You do enjoy a good battle

Tighnari: I must admit, I played Vahumana’s Antiquity Hunt on Devantaka Mountain and found it quite fun. 

Cyno: You do enjoy a good land survey.

Cyno: Probably a plant survey too, but how would you feel about wind, fire, water, ice, or electricity surveys?

Tighnari: …

Cyno: Get it?

Traveler: yeah… like the elements…

Madam Faruzan: That was another joke?

collei lily: even i couldnt tell 

Cyno: Exactly, Traveler. A “land survey” is an examination of a certain area for the purposes of mapping or other investigations. However, “land” is also associated with the element of earth or Geo, so I presented the possibility of surveys tied to the other six elements: Dendro, Anemo, Pyro, Hydro, Cryo, and Electro. And I included that Tighnari would likely have an affinity for Dendro.

Hat Guy: im pretty sure your “jokes” qualify as torture

Tighnari: Just don’t acknowledge them.

Traveler: WHAT WHY DID THE THIRD ROUND START SO EARLY AND WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME

Traveler: already said it irl but i’ll say it again, CONGRATS KAVEH!!

Nilou♡: Yes!! Congratulations @Kaveh☆! ^^

Flame-Mane: i knew he could do it 

collei lily: congrats!!!

Kaveh☆: Haha thanks everyone 

Candace: I heard that you plan to donate Sachin’s entire estate to charities?

Kaveh☆: Yes, it’s the right thing to do

Candace: On behalf of Aaru Village, TYVM.

Kaveh☆: Np!

Traveler: i’m gonna go around looking for the rest of you now

Traveler: one last check-up on the Darshan representatives!

[Kaveh don’t talk about Alhaitham challenge]

Challengee added Traveler

Challengee: You’re here temporarily but we plan our meal meetups in this chat

Traveler: lmao what’s with the chat name

Critic: Kaveh always brings up Alhaitham in conversation when we go out to eat, without fail.

Challengee: Tighnari hush

Witness: You say “without fail”, but that isn’t true. He’s failing this chat’s challenge every time.

Critic: Cyno, you know what I meant.

Challengee: ANYWAY how about we meet up at Lambad’s Tavern in half an hour, is that time good for everyone?

Witness: Yes.

Traveler: yep i’ll be there!

Critic: Let me check with Collei

Critic: Yes, we’re available.

Challengee: Awesome! I’ll start preparing, can’t wait to finally treat you!

Challengee: Oh I should probably invite Alhaitham too

Traveler: have you guys seen Hat Guy btw? i’ve seen every participant except him 

Challengee: Nope

Critic: I have not.

Witness: Me neither.

Traveler: alright i guess i’ll keep searching

Challengee: Remember the meal!

Traveler: ofc, Paimon will remind me even if i forget

Critic: Challenge failed again.

Challengee: Fuck

Traveler: out of curiosity, do you guys have a tally?

Critic: If you’re wondering about the total amount of failures, I think Cyno used to keep track

Witness: I lost count. You could say the amount of times he has failed are countless.

Challengee: OKAY THANKS SEE YA TRAVELER

Challengee removed Traveler

[Sumeru friends]

Traveler: finally caught up with everyone

Traveler: @Alhaitham @Hat Guy why are you so hard to find

Alhaitham: What if I don’t want to be found?

Hat Guy: what if i dont want to be found

Traveler: bruh

✿Nahida✿: Hello, everyone! Sorry I’ve been quiet these past few days…

Nilou♡: Hello Nahida!

Alhaitham: It’s understandable.

Cyno: Welcome back.

✿Nahida✿: I was watching the competition. You all did great! :)

Hat Guy: i wasnt even trying

✿Nahida✿: You did try in the last round, and you got pretty close to winning!

Hat Guy: lmfao i literally just wanted to sabotage the others

Kaveh☆: Rude

Hat Guy: cant say im sad with the result tho

Hat Guy: sachin choosing a successor only for him to utterly reject his legacy was funny

Kaveh☆: Oh

Kaveh☆: Thanks I think?

Traveler: Sachin shenanigans aside

Traveler: the competition was really fun! and i was just following you guys lmao

Tighnari: I agree, I had fun too.

Hat Guy: eh it was alright

Tighnari: Plus I got a lot of people signed up for my lecture next month

Cyno: And I got the limited-edition Genius Invokation TCG card. Thank you again, @Kaveh☆.

Kaveh☆: You’re very welcome! And with the generous sum you paid for it, I’m set on money for this month :)

Madam Faruzan: Several students have approached me for classes, too. Some still misunderstand what I actually teach, but there’s a few gems who remain interested!

layla: and i didnt disappoint anyone

Nilou♡: Sounds like everyone got what they joined the championship for!

Nilou♡: It was an honor to commentate <3

Alhaitham: I also got what I wanted.

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): on the topic of successes, i’ve had so many customers during the Akademiya Extravaganza! thank you all for putting on such an attractive show~

✿Nahida✿: Everyone wins! :D

Traveler: i wonder

Traveler: if Hat Guy had cared enough to win the third round, there would’ve been a three-way tie

Traveler: who would’ve won the championship then?

Alhaitham: We shall never know.

Kaveh☆: Oh please Alhaitham you must know

Nilou♡: No actually, the rules didn’t say anything about a tie

Kaveh☆: Seriously??

Kaveh☆: Did he put you up to this

Traveler: we shall never know indeed

Chapter Text

[Messages: Traveler, venti]

venti: travwlr

venti: traveller

Traveler: are you drunk

venti: me???? neverrr

Traveler: right.

venti: so how mnay contacts you do have?

Traveler: idk like 60

Traveler: why?

venti: i had an idea

Traveler: i’m not sure i wanna know

venti: cmon cmon itll be fun;

venti: we make big chat wiyh everyone!!!

Traveler: actually that does sound intriguing but also very chaotic

venti: I crave chaos.

Traveler: the proper grammar pls

Traveler: know what? me too

[teyvat has fones now]

Traveler created the group “teyvat has fones now”

Traveler added 66 people

Traveler: because Teyvat has fones now :)

venti: ehe

amber:): 66 people???

the detective: 67 counting the traveler

collei lily: hi amber!

penandsword: @Traveler is this literally all your friends?

amber:): collei!! heya!

D. Ragnvindr: Why 66 people?

Keqing left the group

Yoimiya!!!: oh archons hello everyone??

Alhaitham left the group

Traveler: @penandsword no but most of them

xiao left the group

Raiden Shogun left the group

rosaria left the group

Traveler: wait it’s no fun if you leave

piratebooty: was that the actual raiden shogun??

Kreideprinz left the group

dontbothermeimsleeping left the group

Traveler changed the group settings

no: shit couldnt leave on time

Traveler added 7 people

Shinobu: muting this but tag me if @TheOneandOni does something stupid

TheOneandOni: HELLOOO!!!!! I’m ARATAKI “The One and Oni” ITTO, nice to meet y’all! ᕙ(^ヮ^)ᕗ

Keqing: Why can’t I leave?

TheOneandOni: Oi, Shinobu, not cool!

xiao: traveler what and why

Traveler: <3

rosaria: fine but this is going on mute too

TheOneandOni: YO, XIAO!!! How are ya, little dude?

Kaveh☆: Damn why’d you add Alhaitham back

xiao: busy

SangonomiyaKokomi: I’m afraid I must silence this, but greetings!

chongyun: did the Conqueror of Demons just answer to “little dude”??

Noelle: Gosh, hello everyone! 

venti: i mena hes pretty little

guobadidit: oh my gods

Thoma: heya! busy rn but feel free to message me for tips on housekeeping or inazuma

Yaoyao: Hello!

Noelle: @Thoma, housekeeping?

Thoma: yeah! any questions you may have you can dm me and i’ll answer when i finish here

Noelle: Thank you!

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: before you start killing each other or coincidentally dying, friendly reminder that the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is open for business! as friends of our dear Traveler, you’ll even get a discount on some of our services! :)

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): good day to everyone here! i’m Dori, aka Lord Sangemah Bay, aka the BEST merchant in Sumeru, so come to me for anything you may need! i’ll even throw in a little discount for you if you show me this chat as evidence that you’re the Traveler’s acquaintance! i look forward to doing business with you ;)

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: what the morax a kindred soul

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): holy Mora kindred souls fr

MonaMegistus: Your priorities…

venti: lmoa what the morax

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: let’s go to dms, i think we can make a business arrangement

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): it’s like you read my mind

Traveler: not sure if i should be scared

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: I, Fischl von Luftschloss Narfidort, the Prinzessin der Verurteilung and sovereign of the Immernachtreich, with experience gained from the countless worlds I crossed prior to my sojourn in the Land of Freedom, and with wisdom obtained from peering into the threads of fate itself with mine Auge der Verurteilung, do hereby extend my most bountiful blessings and sublime salutations to all of you, O fellow trusted ones of the Traveler, for anyone favored with such friendship must be also worthy of the Prinzessin’s good graces!

collei lily: w h a t

Benny: she means hi

TheOneandOni: Damn, now THAT’S an introduction…

Gorou: Why are the greetings getting longer??

MonaMegistus: Fischl did you just copypaste that?

Yoimiya!!!: i thought fischl was a book character

Yae~: She is.

Shenhe: Hello

Candace: Hi.

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Lady Megistus, question me not! ’Tis a fitting and formal introduction for those who, hitherto, lacked the privilege of acquainting with the Prinzessin. Fortunately, destiny has smiled upon ye on this day, bestowing you at last with the brilliance of one’s glorious presence to guide you through the darkness!

collei lily: i cant read that

Tighnari: That’s okay, I’m struggling too.

Kaveh☆: Seems pretty clear to me?

Benny: it’s a continuation of her hi i think

Kaveh☆: More like justifying her hi

collei lily: whyyy

amber:): we just roll with it…

Madam Faruzan: Greetings.

Childe: what’s this? even more of the Traveler’s friends? 

chillinqilin: oh dear i have to mute this but hello im ganyu 

Flame-Mane: AYO IS THAT THE GUY WHO GOT ROASTED THAT TIME

Childe: WTF

Yoimiya!!!: sdhkfhnkd

the detective: yup

Traveler: lmao yeah

Kaeya: Yes he is

venti: roasted ginger lol

Childe: does everyone know???

penandsword: apparently lmao

piratebooty changed Childe to roasted ginger

rock’n’rollin: XD rip

roasted ginger: WHYY :^(

no: goofy emoticon

~Lisa~: We can change others’ usernames?

roasted ginger: shut up, my siblings like it

guobadidit: roasted ginger has a pretty complex spicy flavor actually

rock’n’rollin: fun facts with chef xiangling

roasted ginger: when i find the one who started this i’m gonna kill him

Traveler: good luck with that

~Lisa~ changed Jean Gunnhildr to remind me to rest

Kazuha: Did you not consider that your screenshot would spread?

no: evidently he doesnt have any braincells

collei lily: lol

roasted ginger: fucking fight me i’ll beat your ass

no: you wish

KLEE: GINER SAID A BAD WORD :(

Kaeya: How dare he!

venti: gasp!!

destroythewineindustry: ginger you’re on the HIT LIST

Kaveh☆ changed Alhaitham to key thief

Yoimiya!!!: smh tartaglia

roasted ginger: FRICK I MEANT FRICK

rock’n’rollin: you can spell his other name??

no: lmfao what a baby

key thief changed to Alhaitham

Flame-Mane: wait shit can we not swear here

destroythewineindustry: exCUSE you??

Kaveh☆: Is he just lurking??

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): hello i am qiqi what is this

✿Nahida✿: @Traveler, might I have group permissions? I think I can design a censor for the kids’ Fones.

roasted ginger: yes please save me

Traveler: that’d be great actually you’re a godsend

✿Nahida✿: I mean, pretty close. :)

✿Nahida✿ is now Admin

venti: thus was my idea i want admin too

Traveler: no you’re drunk and unreliable

destroythewineindustry: stupid drunkard

venti: DAAMN OK

Zhongli: So it was Venti’s idea…

D. Ragnvindr: Of course it was.

venti: < 3

Traveler: tbf i didn’t take much convincing, don’t blame him entirely

✿Nahida✿ changed the group settings

Kamisato Ayaka: Hello oh my Archons what is this? (@_@)

Kamisato Ayato: Entertainment.

✿Nahida✿: The censor should work now. @destroythewineindustry, can you confirm?

destroythewineindustry: hey yeah thanks nahida!

Barbara~♫: umm i’d like the censor on my fone too if it’s no trouble

✿Nahida✿: The rest of you can choose to activate it for yourself in the group options!

Barbara~♫: tysm, Barbatos bless you!

venti: she dosent need his blessing lol

Flame-Mane: FUCK YEAH I CAN STILL SWEAR 

remind me to rest: @✿Nahida✿, may you show me how to add censors? I’d like to do so in the Knights of Favonius chat.

Flame-Mane: OUR ARCHON RULES

remind me to rest: … Lisa changed my name, didn’t she

Barbara~♫: wait, an Archon?

rock’n’rollin: archon???

✿Nahida✿: @remind me to rest, I’ll send you the code with a guide on how to apply or alter it, please give me a moment.

Ningguang: I’d like the code too.

✿Nahida✿: Alrighty!

Eula: @Traveler, you did not learn your lesson, and for these notifications you shall pay double.

Traveler: oops

Yun Jin: Hello, everyone! :)

✿Nahida✿: sent image

Ningguang: Thank you, Lesser Lord Kusanali.

penandsword: the dendro archon???

Yun Jin: O h

remind me to rest: Oh Archons I hadn’t realized, I apologize if I was too direct.

piratebooty: traveler out here making group chats with two archons

Traveler: B)

✿Nahida✿: You can just call me Nahida! And don’t worry, @remind me to rest, you did nothing wrong.

guobadidit: two archons?!?!

roasted ginger: just two huh…

Kaveh☆: There’s another??

Yae~: @Raiden Shogun

Raiden Shogun: Yes?

rock’n’rollin: holy shit

no: shit

Yae~: Introduce yourself, would you?

Raiden Shogun: I am the Raiden Shogun of Inazuma, Guardian of Eternity, body and assistant to the one within.

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): i am qiqi hello what is this 

Yun Jin: What is going on

Nilou♡: I have no idea…

Raiden Shogun: huh another chat

Raiden Shogun: this isn’t even for inazuma, why am i here?

Traveler: why not

✿Nahida✿: We’re friends of the Traveler, after all.

Raiden Shogun: you’re here too, buer?

venti: heiii eiii

Raiden Shogun: celestia give me patience

Traveler: lmaoo

Zhongli: Honestly…

collei lily: an archon is praying what

penandsword: she dropped the grammar too, idk what to think

Kazuha: Don’t think too much about it, she’s complicated.

Kaeya: Pretty amusing that archons are just like us in some ways

Barbara~♫: shouldn’t we be more respectful? they’re Archons!

rosaria: im only contractually obligated to worship bartobas

guobadidit: bartobas?

Yoimiya!!!: contractually obligated??

Raiden Shogun: you mean barbatos?

✿Nahida✿: In this chat, I am just Nahida. Please don’t concern yourself too much with my position as the Dendro Archon!

Barbara~♫: if you say so, i’ll try!

✿Nahida✿: Thanks. :)

Raiden Shogun: i suppose my position is also irrelevant in this chat. most of you aren’t inazuman and need not answer to me.

rock’n’rollin: wow the archons are pretty chill

venti: lol you shoud try pretending to be mortal its fun

Kaveh☆: Does that imply that’s what you’re doing?

collei lily: how many god friends does the traveler have

Zhongli: Ignore him, he’s drunk.

venti: im not drunk im benti

venti: ventu

Kaeya: You’ll get there

venti: vent

venti: fukc 

Traveler: fukc, be quiet

venti: WHYy

Traveler: emergency food is typing!!

EmergencyFood: Paimon’s trying to play minigames, why are there so many notifications?

Traveler: and there she is!

EmergencyFood: TRAVELER WHY IS THIS PAIMON’S NAME

venti: paimooonn!!!!

EmergencyFood: It’s not even funny anymore!

Traveler: i wanted to see how long it’d take you to realize lol

guobadidit: paimon!! hi!

Kaeya: Hey Paimon

roasted ginger: comrade Paimon! hey!

Traveler changed EmergencyFood to Paimon

penandsword: paimon! how are you, my liege?

rock’n’rollin: sup, paimon

Paimon: Hi guys! Paimon’s good :)

Zhongli: It’s good to see you, Paimon.

Yoimiya!!!: wooo paimon’s here!!!

collei lily: hi paimon!!

TheOneandOni: Did I see PAIMON??? Hey there, little Flying Lavender Melon!

✿Nahida✿: Hi, Paimon!

Raiden Shogun: greetings, paimon

Paimon: Aww you guys! Paimon didn’t know you cared so much <3

Zhongli: But of course, you are our friend as well.

Traveler: even if you’re bratty and annoying sometimes

Paimon: HEY

Traveler: still my best buddy tho <3

Paimon: Dang Paimon can’t stay mad at you

guobadidit: dawww

venti: friendshup goals 

venti: @Zhongli tha could be us fr

Paimon: Is the Tone-Deaf Bard drunk

Zhongli: Yes.

venti: he sais yes!!

Zhongli: To Paimon.

venti: :(

penandsword: lmao

venti: tf your supoosed to be my friend 

penandsword: hence why i can laugh at you

guobadidit: yeah

chongyun: that’s just xingqiu

venti: im alone in this world

Traveler: you’ve had too many drinks

Raiden Shogun: not surprising

Paimon: Welp nice to see you all! Paimon’s gonna mute this now, Paimon wants to play minigames 

✿Nahida✿: Have fun!

rock’n’rollin: glhf

Traveler: bet you can’t beat my highscores

Paimon: Oh it’s ON

D. Ragnvindr: I texted Charles and he says Venti didn’t even go to Angel’s Share today.

D. Ragnvindr: @Venti, did you steal another barrel from Dawn Winery?

venti: fuck the rich

Yoimiya!!!: DHFKSKAJSKL VENTI

Traveler: venti this is when you’re supposed to deny it

venti: give to teh poor

Kaveh☆: Preach

D. Ragnvindr: This is going on your tab.

venti: fu k

Zhongli: You’re an awful example.

✿Nahida✿: At least he said to give to the poor?

collei lily: i feel like i learned half a life lesson

layla: archons why do i have over 200 notifications

Raiden Shogun: i’m not the one responsible for it 

venti: ehe

layla: sorry am i so tired im reading wrong or is that the electro archon

Traveler: that’s the electro archon

Raiden Shogun: hello

layla: oh ok hi

✿Nahida✿: Huh, she took it pretty well.

Qiqi (if lost contact Baizhu): hello i am qiqi i forgot what comes next

Chapter Text

[Liyue friends]

penandsword: did i just see the traveler walking down feiyun slope 

Keqing: Wasn’t the Traveler in Sumeru?

Yanfei: @Traveler

Traveler: oh hey guys yea i’ve been in Liyue for a bit

penandsword: and you didn’t tell us?

Traveler: i wasn’t planning on staying for long

Traveler: i heard Bubu Pharmacy was selling a new recipe and i just came to buy it

guobadidit: understandable

Traveler: i was gonna leave after that but i kinda got caught up in something with Baizhu and Hu Tao so i stuck around to help

penandsword: uh oh, doesn’t hu tao hate baizhu?

Traveler: dw the issue wasn’t between them

Traveler: Hu Tao was surprisingly civilized 

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: i’m right here you know

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: also i don’t hate him, i just strongly disagree with some of his views

Keqing: Does this have to do with the reports from two days ago about a missing father? Do you require the Millelith’s assistance with anything?

Dr. Baizhu: All has been resolved but ty

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: ugh i forgot you’re here too

Yanfei: Leave it to the Traveler to show up for something small and get wrapped up in bigger situations. How do you do it?

Traveler: idk i just do

penandsword: wait can we back up a second 

penandsword: @Traveler, you came all the way from sumeru to liyue just to buy a recipe and then leave?

Traveler: … yeah?

guobadidit: that’s some dedication

Yanfei: You wouldn’t even stop to rest after your journey? 

Traveler: it wasn’t that long lol

Keqing: You crossed a country…

Traveler: oh wait only the Mondstadt chat knows

[teyvat has fones now]

Traveler: btw i can teleport so don’t be so surprised if i suddenly show up in your nation :)

penandsword: oh

guobadidit: you what

Kaveh☆: You can what

penandsword: wait WHAT

amber:): yeah that was my reaction too

Kamisato Ayaka: Teleport? (@_@)

Madam Faruzan: I already knew that.

Kaveh☆: Madam Faruzan??

Madam Faruzan: The Traveler used a Teleport Waypoint right in front of me during the second round of Interdarshan Championship. It was not subtle.

Traveler: lmao yeah i was startled when i teleported in and you were just staring at me

Madam Faruzan: I, too, was surprised. I hadn’t seen someone successfully teleport before.

Yanfei: Since when can the Traveler teleport?

Traveler: since always? 

Traveler: but i need teleport waypoints for it so i couldn’t escape when we were stuck in the Chasm, if that’s what you’re thinking 

Yanfei: Ah

penandsword: what are teleport waypoints?

Kaveh☆: OHH are those the ancient red and blue mechanisms spread across Teyvat?

Kamisato Ayaka: Oh, I believe I know what you’re referring to. There is one just outside of the Kamisato Estate.

guobadidit: there’s one near wanmin restaurant too

Madam Faruzan: Yes, those are “Teleport Waypoints”, as modern research calls them. I’m not sure why they started turning blue, though. They were all red even a hundred years ago.

amber:): a hundred years ago?

Traveler: they turn blue when i activate them

Traveler: i think the rest of you can use them too but it’s apparently more complicated than i realized so i can’t give any advice

Yanfei: Wait… Is that how Amber got lost in Liyue?

amber:): yeahh i didn’t teleport right

Kamisato Ayaka: How does it work?

amber:): i have no idea

Traveler: i kinda just do it

Madam Faruzan: I hear research is slow due to the necessity of having a Vision or similar elemental power.

roasted ginger: so since there’s teleportation, how much traveling does the Traveler actually do?

Traveler: a lot, i generally prefer traveling on foot so i can see more of the world and find treasure here and there and maybe clues about my twin

Traveler: but if i wanna cover a long distance to a place i’ve already explored it’s more convenient to just teleport

penandsword: especially if it’s for something small like buying a recipe before returning to your actual travels, i’m guessing

Traveler: exactly

Traveler: well now you know!

[Liyue friends]

Keqing: That explains it

guobadidit: why don’t you text on the big chat?

Keqing: I’ve had no reason to

Yanfei: Teleportation, though… it all makes sense now…

Yelan: Indeed. That information was good to know.

Yanfei: Yelan? Have you been lurking?

Yelan: Maybe.

Traveler: so now that that’s out of the way

penandsword: HEY WAIT

penandsword: that means it’s actually really easy for you to come visit every now and then

Traveler: yes

penandsword: so why don’t you??

Traveler: mf I DO

Traveler: you don’t know the amount of times i’ve returned to a nation and looked for my friends but YOURE NOT THERE

Traveler: like why is Xiangling never at Wanmin Restaurant when i visit?

guobadidit: uh

Traveler: why is Qiqi out looking for herbs and Baizhu i guess hiding in the back room when i drop by Bubu Pharmacy??

Dr. Baizhu: I don’t do that often

Traveler: no, only specifically when i’m around 

Traveler: cuz you all like avoiding me like the plague unless there’s a crisis :(

penandsword: well damn

Dr. Baizhu: … I was gonna say at least you encountered us this time but you’re right there was a small crisis

Dr. Baizhu: Then again I wouldn’t avoid a plague since it’s my duty as a doctor to cure it

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: the Hus also have a history of dealing with plague, so dw @Traveler, i won’t leave your side till you’ve been thoroughly exterminated! thx for your patronage :)

Dr. Baizhu: Hu tao wtf

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: you shut up

Traveler: Hu Tao you’re also never at the funeral parlor and neither is Zhongli

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: huh?!!

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: @Zhongli why the morax have you not been at the parlor when the traveler visits???

Zhongli: I’ve probably been on break. I’m afraid I can’t predict when the Traveler might show up.

penandsword: but, 

penandsword: now we have fones, so we can talk with the traveler more easily

Traveler: yeah i was gonna say that

Traveler: now that i’m here and communication is a lot easier and i won’t have to risk looking for you guys and finding no one

Traveler: anyone wanna meet up? :)

guobadidit: come to wanmin i swear i’m here rn

guobadidit: i’ll even treat you to a meal cuz i feel bad now

Traveler: ahhh dw i wasn’t that upset, Paimon and i will take the free meal tho

penandsword: yooo i’ll go as well

penandsword: @chongyun you too

chongyun: what

chongyun: oh sure 

guobadidit: yeah everyone’s invited! only the traveler gets treated tho 

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: fine by me! i don’t mind supporting a friend’s business

Dr. Baizhu: I’m finishing things up at the pharmacy rn but I may go later and bring Qiqi

Zhongli: I would also like to attend the meet-up. 

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: you better remember your wallet cuz i’m not paying for you

Zhongli: Ah, right. Thank you for the reminder.

Yanfei: I’m going too!

Yelan: You know what? I could go for some of Xiangling’s cooking.

Keqing: I’m rather busy but I can drop by for a bit

Traveler: i wonder if i can @everyone

rock’n’rollin: heya

tart: sup

Yun Jin: Hello, was I tagged?

chillinqilin: do you need anything?

Traveler: it worked lmao

piratebooty: whatd we get tagged for

rock’n’rollin: AYO MEETUP AT WANMIN

Yun Jin: That sounds fun! You’ll see me there ;)

Yaoyao: I’d like to go!

guobadidit: yaoyao yes it’s been a while!

chillinqilin: oh i guess i could go since the travelers going too

Shenhe: I have heard that Wanmin Restaurant’ s food is the best in Liyue

guobadidit: and it’s true :)

Shenhe: I shall have to see

piratebooty: niiice i just arrived in liyue recently and ive missed xianglings cooking

piratebooty: yall mind if i bring kazuha along too?

rock’n’rollin: i remember him! he’s pretty cool, it’ll be nice to catch up 

Ningguang: Thank you for the invitation, but I already ate. Have fun, you all.

tart: man i wish i were in Liyue now

Traveler: you can always try teleporting

tart: unfortunately i have work to do and can’t risk getting lost

Keqing: Good, stay away

tart: BRUH

penandsword: all the government adults hate childe and i fear to ask what he’s done

Yelan: I don’t, he unwittingly helped me out once. He just has a penchant for getting into trouble.

Traveler: that’s one way to put it

xiao: i must decline the invitation

xiao: stay safe

guobadidit: i’ll save you some leftovers!

Yanfei: In the end it looks like you’ll get to see most of your Liyue friends, @Traveler!

Traveler: yay :D

penandsword: pretty lucky that we all happen to be free today

guobadidit: makes me wonder how the traveler keeps missing us on most visits

Traveler: man idk but i just do

Chapter Text

[teyvat has fones now]

Traveler: don’t kill me for this but i gotta @everyone

penandsword: oh no

venti: we can do that???

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: it’s ok, if someone kills you i’ll make sure you get a beautiful discounted coffin :)

D. Ragnvindr: I won’t let them kill you.

xiao: i won’t let them kill you

Cyno: I won’t let them kill you.

Shenhe: I will not let them kill you

Traveler: thanks guys <3

Yoimiya!!!: how were all of you so in sync

venti: traveler protection platoon

roasted ginger: the Traveler doesn’t even need to be protected tho

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: i know least two of them would actually kill anyone who tried so i’ll prepare the coffins 

Yoimiya!!!: ok but i trust no one in this chat would try to kill the traveler right??

no: idk im on the fence about it

Noelle: @Traveler, what do you need?

Gorou: Right, please let the Traveler speak!

Traveler: OKAY @everyone LISTEN UP

Traveler: NEW FONE UPGRADE 🙃

venti: ooh

guobadidit: oh it came out?

Raiden Shogun: An upgrade?

collei lily: huh

amber:): is that symbol supposed to be an empty square?

Traveler: no, the old fone just doesn’t process it

Traveler: the inventor released another version with improvements and new features, including emotis (the 😄😭❤️ symbols) and access to the Intranet (which alone comes with like a hundred other features)

penandsword: yeah it’s pretty cool 😎 

Zhongli: What is the Intranet?

🌱Nahida🌱: A digital database developed by a team of mostly Haravatat and Ksharewar researchers after the Akasha System was shut down. It started as a new means to compile information for quick access, and they expanded its functions over time. 

Madam Faruzan: I remember that. They asked me for help due to my expertise in both fields, and I gave them some pointers. I even had early access to their computing machines.

Yoimiya!!!: umm… what does any of that mean?

Yae~: You’ll see, it’s easier to understand once you use it.

Traveler: i still have unlimited fones so i’m gonna go around looking for you guys to give you the new version

Traveler: i’ll also show you how to transfer your data so you don’t lose anything on the old fone

Traveler: but i don’t wanna abuse the inventor’s kindness so please buy it yourself if you can

D. Ragnvindr: I will.

Cyno: I already did.

penandsword: me too lmao

Yae~: As did I~

Raiden Shogun: I shall obtain one for myself.

Kaveh☆: Cyno why do you splurge like this

Ningguang: I have already provided new Fones for Keqing, Ganyu, Yelan, Beidou, and of course myself.

Cyno: The Intranet’s features include an online Genius Invokation TCG simulator that lets you duel anytime, anywhere, against opponents from all around the world.

Kaveh☆: Oh it’s TCG, that makes sense

TheOneandOni: YOOO??? I love Genius Invokation TCG!

Cyno: Is that so? Let’s have a match someday.

TheOneandOni: ABSOLUTELY!!! Get ready to lose, though, ’cuz I’m a PRO. After all, I’m not called ARATAKI “The Ultimate TCG Champion” ITTO for nothing!

Cyno: I am quite skilled myself. 

penandsword: there’s lots of other games than can be downloaded from the intranet too

penandsword: paimon must be excited to have some variety from the default minigames 

Traveler: she really is, she already downloaded a bunch

Traveler: in fact she’s playing one right now, i think she’s killing other players online or something 

roasted ginger: sounds interesting

Kaveh☆: Wait @Traveler what happens to our old fones?

Traveler: idk do whatever you want with them

Traveler: you can sell or give them away to others since they’re still functional and the communication system is compatible with the new fone 

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): i’ll take any donations 👀 

Kaveh☆: No you’ll just resell them at a higher price

Kaveh☆: We should give them to people who actually need them so they can communicate with their families

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): and that’s another increase in the interest rate on your debt to me

Kaveh☆: FUCK WAIT NO PLS

venti: a tragedy told in a single act: a poor man trapped in a heartless pact…

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): he brought this upon himself 

venti: you have no tact

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): but you know what i do have?

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): 💰🤩💜🤑✨Mora✨😎💜😘💰

venti: …

venti: barbatos damn it

Kaveh☆: I’m gonna cry

Traveler: broke gang

roasted ginger: traveler?? you’re broke already??

Traveler: listen i either have several million mora or like 27, no in between 

roasted ginger: tf you even spending it on if the fones were free?

Traveler: food, weapon and artifact enhancements, and a swear jar

LordSangemahBay(text4deals!): my swear jar 💜

roasted ginger: holy Tsaritsa

Traveler: anyways, i’m gonna make the deliveries!

[Mondstadt friends]

Traveler: @everyone in case you missed it in the big chat

Traveler: i’m handing out new improved fones so lmk your locations

venti: ehe i’ll find you

Sucrose: Mister Albedo and i are in Dragonspine

Sucrose: oh he says he can buy us the fones later so dw

destroythewineindustry: i’m at cat’s tail

MonaMegistus: I’m in my house

Noelle: I’m currently in the Knights of Favonius Headquarters, but I can meet with you wherever you’d like

amber:): many of us are in the kof hq 

Traveler: i’ll be right there

amber:): did i just hear Eula swear??

Eula: Apologies for that.

Eula: I’m entering the headquarters and the Honorary Knight just plunged from the roof and startled me.

Kaeya: Yeah the Traveler does that

Eula: I had heard but never witnessed it before. I saw my life flash before my eyes. 

venti: it was so funny i saw eula jump

Eula: Shut up, bard. This is another cause for vengeance.

Traveler: hey @Kreideprinz will you cover Klee’s fone too or do i give her one?

Sucrose: he’ll cover it

KLEE: KLEE WILL WAIT 

destroythewineindustry: you can borrow mine meanwhile

KLEE: YAY THANKS DIONA

Traveler: alright then i’ve given all the knights their fones

Jean Gunnhildr: Thank you.

Traveler: and Venti, Diona, and Mona

venti: 🫶

Traveler: where’s the rest of you?

Barbara~♫: Sister Rosaria and i are in the Favonius Cathedral!

Traveler: omw

Kaeya: I’m surprised Rosaria’s actually there for once

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: The Prinzessin has just concluded a patrol in the Kingdom of Wolves! I now traverse the road to the Vale of Springs.

razo r: fishl help

razo r: benny is  dying

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: WHAT

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: ONE IS RETURNING

D. Ragnvindr: I’m at Dawn Winery, so I’ll go help as well.

Jean Gunnhildr: What happened?

razo r: benny trip and fell down a cliff

Jean Gunnhildr: Oh Archons

Kaeya: The archons have forsaken him

venti: the archons do try to protect him, he’s just exceptional 

razo r: why does this always happen :(

MonaMegistus: The curse of Rota Calamitas

razo r: what

Traveler: aa i’m omw and bringing Barbara

MonaMegistus: Bennett’s constellation is known as the Wheel of Misfortune. Individuals with this constellation tend to be unluckier than most, but also very resilient, like the wheel that keeps on turning. Yet I’ve never seen that misfortune manifest so blatantly for anyone other than Bennett…

D. Ragnvindr: sent image

D. Ragnvindr: I have found Bennett, Razor, and Fischl. This is our location.

D. Ragnvindr: Bennett has a concussion, a broken arm, and several cuts and scratches, but he is not dying.

Traveler: we’re almost there

Jean Gunnhildr: Please keep us updated.

Barbara~♫: Bennett is healed! he needs to rest for a bit though

Barbara~♫: and i’m never teleporting with the Traveler again… so dizzying…

Traveler: at least i didn’t let you get lost

Benny: i’m so sorry for worrying you guys

Benny: good thing razor was there cuz my fone broke too so i couldn’t even ask for help 

Traveler: and i got you a healer and a new fone

Benny: yeah thank you! 👍 

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Fortune may be thine enemy, but ne’er will the foe prevail over the friend! Where thy luck fails thee, thy companions shall aid thee.

Benny: haha yeah

D. Ragnvindr: I will carry Bennett and escort Barbara back to the city.

Jean Gunnhildr: I’m glad to hear he’s safe.

Traveler: alright, i’m off to the next nation!

[Liyue friends]

Traveler: @everyone who needs the new fone?

chillinqilin: some of us got one from ningguang

guobadidit: me please! i’m at wanmin

guobadidit: and so are xingqiu and chongyun, i think chongyun needs one too

rock’n’rollin: i can head there so it’s easier for the traveler to make the deliveries

Yaoyao: Me too!

Traveler: ty

rock’n’rollin: thank YOU, traveler!

piratebooty: kazuhas still with me and hell go there to pick his up too

Zhongli: Director Hu and I are both at the funeral parlor.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: yup!

Yun Jin: I’ll buy one later, but thank you for the offer!

Dr. Baizhu: Qiqi and I are in Bubu Pharmacy

Yanfei: I have to meet with a client now but can you leave my fone with Madame Ping?

Traveler: sure, but i also have to show you how to transfer your data

Yaoyao: I can wait with Master and show her when she picks up her fone.

Yanfei: Thanks!

Traveler: nice

Traveler: is that all of you?

tart: 🥲

Traveler: evidently you already have the new fone

tart: yea work provided it

Traveler: wait @xiao @Shenhe where are you

xiao: shenhe’s in mt. aocang with cloud retainer and can’t check her fone right now

Traveler: i’m omw, meet me there?

xiao: alright

Traveler: uhhh i may have made a mistake and i apologize to all whose contacts Shenhe and i shared with Cloud Retainer

Zhongli: What?

Traveler: she has Shenhe’s old fone now and she mentioned she might shapeshift into a humanoid form whenever she wants to text whole paragraphs

chillinqilin: i just received an essay…

Traveler: at least my job here is done

Traveler: that was easier than Mondstadt

guobadidit: what happened in mondstadt?

penandsword: why does something always happen in mondstadt

Traveler: Bennett fell off a cliff

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: 👁️👁️

Traveler: he’ll be okay

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: 😒

penandsword: hu tao no

[Inazuma friends]

Kamisato Ayato: Ayaka, Thoma, and I already have the new Fones, @Traveler.

Kamisato🩵Ayaka: Yes! Thanks, Brother. (^ v ^)

Yae~: As mentioned in the other chat, I also have one, and @Raiden Shogun has obtained hers as well.

Raiden Shogun: Indeed. I additionally had one delivered to the Divine Priestess Sangonomiya, in the interest of better relations and communications.

SangonomiyaKokomi: Thank you.

Traveler: noted

Traveler: and i gave Kazuha his fone back in Liyue

🍁Kazuha: Thank you again, Traveler.

Traveler: does @everyone else need fones?

the detective: yes please, we’re at the police station

Traveler: who’s “we”

the detective: kuki shinobu’s dealing with madam kujou to get arataki out of jail

the detective: and i’m watching lmao

Traveler: wait but Itto texted earlier

Traveler: is he allowed to use his fone in jail or did he get arrested in the hour since then 

Shinobu: the latter

Shinobu: we finished btw

Traveler: i’m outside

Gorou: I’m walking to meet you over there, I happen to be in Inazuma City for some column work

Yoimiya!!!: yeah i just left the shop and i’m omw too!

Traveler: oh neat, that just leaves Sayu i think

Kamisato Ayato: Don’t worry about Sayu, we have a Fone for her too.

Thoma: i’m using it as bait

dontbothermeimsleeping: dang

Thoma: all i’m asking is that you teach me ninjustu

Thoma: just one lesson and i’ll give you the fone 😁

dontbothermeimsleeping: i cant see that symbol

dontbothermeimsleeping: fine

Traveler: well that was even faster

Traveler: off to Sumeru and i’ll have finished!

🍁Kazuha: Good luck!

[Sumeru friends]

Cyno: 🌊🌊🌊.

Hat Guy: is that

Hat Guy: no nvm you dont deserve acknowledgment 

🌱Nahida🌱: Hahaha.

Traveler: @everyone who needs fones here? i might have to restock 

🌱Nahida🌱: I believe it’s everyone except Cyno, Alhaitham, Dori, Hat Guy and I.

Traveler: ok so that leaves 8 fones

Traveler: hey i have just enough

Traveler: where are you guys

layla: the akademiya

Candace: Aaru Village.

Madam Faruzan: I am also in the Akademiya.

Nilou♡: Grand Bazaar

collei lily: master and i are in gandarva ville 

Tighnari: Gandharva*

collei lily: right

Flame-Mane: i just returned to the city, i can go meet you somewhere

Kaveh☆: Same

Traveler: wait for me at the Grand Bazaar

Flame-Mane: kk

Kaveh☆: Omw

Tighnari: I can see the emotis now.

Tighnari: Why did Cyno send waves?

Tighnari: WAIT

Cyno: I waved as a greeting. 

Hat Guy: i fucking knew it

collei lily: wait this gives him more chances for jokes

Cyno: 👁️🐝🍃o. 

Tighnari: Oh my gods.

Hat Guy: i hate it

🌱Nahida🌱: HAHAHAHHAJSJAJDAAGSHDHAGAJSH

Kaveh☆: You broke the Dendro Archon???

collei lily: i dont even get it??

Hat Guy: why the fuck is kusanali laughing so hard

Traveler: is she rofl-ing irl

Hat Guy: she is i hate you so much

Madam Faruzan: Eye-bee-leaves-o.

Madam Faruzan: Oh.

collei lily: OH

layla: ty traveler

Nilou💙: Thanks @Traveler!

Flame-Mane: oh i see it now

Kaveh✨: I almost regret having a new fone

Kaveh✨: But ty @Traveler

Traveler: np

Candace: Oh, I see Cyno’s jokes now. LOL.

Flame-Mane: CANDACE NO DONT ENCOURAGE HIM

[teyvat has fones now]

amber😃: holy anemo archon, the intranet is so crazy

venti: ikr

penandsword: new minigames keep coming out by the second, how are there so many already??

the detective: i hear bigger games are in the works too

🌱Nahida🌱: Never underestimate the resourcefulness of bored students.

Zhongli: The entire system is fascinating. I’m almost surprised it’s taken so little time to create all of this, but humanity is indeed very resourceful.

layla: googol is a godsend

roasted ginger: fr

razo r: yes

roasted ginger: fun fact i learned from googol: the tallest mountain in Teyvat is called Pilos Peak

no: thats factually incorrect

MonaMegistus: It must’ve used a very old source, Pilos Peak was sliced off millennia ago and what remains of it is Musk Reef

roasted ginger: oh

Madam Faruzan: Do be warned that Googol isn’t always reliable. Ever since Intranet access was opened to the public, anyone can add misinformation.

🌱Nahida🌱: What Madam Faruzan says is true. Knowledge cannot be gained without effort. Always remember to check your sources!

no: only a moron like childe would blindly believe the first thing he sees

roasted ginger: what do you have against me???

Traveler: see i told you the Intranet has like a hundred features

Paimon: @everyone

Traveler: Paimon??

venti: paimon calls

Yoimiya!!!: all hail paimon

amber😃: all hail Paimon

collei lily: all hail paimon

Kamisato🩵Ayaka: All hail Paimon.

penandsword: all hail the everyone tag

Kaveh✨: All hail Paimon

no: what is this paimon cult

roasted ginger: all hail Paimon, motherfucker

Paimon: Mwahahahaha

venti: paimon is the eighth archon

Raiden Shogun: Incorrect.

venti: you’re no fun

Raiden Shogun: One moment.

🌱Nahida🌱: All hail Paimon!

amber😃: even the dendro archon oh my gods

Raiden Shogun: @venti fuck you

venti: BAAL????

Kamisato🩵Ayaka: Almighty Shogun?!

penandsword: i love how she literally paused as if carefully preparing to insult venti

guobadidit: all hail paimon

Yoimiya!!!: so what did paimon want to say?

Paimon: You all have the new fones now right? Or will get them soon?

🌱Nahida🌱: Looks like it.

penandsword: weren’t you literally with the traveler delivering them?

Traveler: don’t judge her she’s silly

Traveler: SHE SLAPPED ME

Paimon: Great! So Paimon has a suggestion, there’s a game you should download because we can play online together

Traveler: it’s probably the one she’s been playing this whole time 

venti: is that why she had an evil expression when i saw you earlier?

guobadidit: evil? to me she looked lost in thought

roasted ginger: the game about killing?

Paimon: It’s so much more than that

Paimon: It’s a game of trust and betrayal, good vs. evil, a fight for survival! 

Yoimiya!!!: what’s its name? 

Paimon: Amongst Us

Chapter Text

[teyvat has fones now]

layla: i fell asleep in class did the teacher give homework?

Traveler: i wouldn’t know

Shinobu: you should probably ask the teacher

Madam Faruzan: That’s rather irresponsible of you, Layla…

penandsword: happens to the best of us

amber😃: yeah even Lisa slept in class 😅

layla: ahh wrong chat sorry

Traveler: gl getting your answer

layla: im so tired 

penandsword: tired students are a universal constant, aren’t they

Traveler: as an interplanetary traveler, i can confirm that

penandsword: lmao

amber😃: classic traveler

Madam Faruzan: Interplanetary? Are you saying you’ve traveled to other worlds?

Shinobu: i think that was just a joke

Traveler: was it?

penandsword: … was it??

amber😃: i mean, i’d believe it

Traveler: come to think of it, the Akademiya is the only school i’ve seen in Teyvat so far, where are the rest?

penandsword: are you deflecting?

Traveler: i know there must be other educational institutions because i’ve met people who’ve studied elsewhere 

Traveler: like Shinobu

Shinobu: yeah i studied law in liyue

Traveler: but w h e r e in Liyue? i’ve explored every corner of the main cities and saw no schools except the Akademiya, you should put up signs or something

amber😃: fair, all the buildings in mondstadt look kinda the same

Traveler: and i’m not gonna barge into buildings that might be private homes, that’s rude

Traveler: guess i’ll never find the schools

amber😃: we can show you where they are tho

Shinobu: are you interested in studying?

Traveler: nah i was just curious, but i’m not stopping my travels for that

Traveler: if i need to research something i just read books

penandsword: and now there’s the intranet

Traveler: yep

Madam Faruzan: Students these days with their overreliance on the Akasha System or the Intranet… Don’t forget that books and reports were the original source of all that information! And there is a beauty in traditional script that simply can’t be replicated by digital means.

penandsword: it’s because the intranet is much faster and easier to use, but i understand what you mean

penandsword: i prefer the feeling of paper pages when i read a good book, rather than simply scrolling on my fone

Shinobu: i never had the akasha or the intranet while studying so i did it all with books and papers

amber😃: same

layla: well it turns out my report is already almost finished 

Traveler: nice

Shinobu: good job

amber😃: was that the homework you didn’t even know you had?

layla: yes

penandsword: wait how did you write a whole report in like ten minutes?

layla: tbh i have no idea i just found the draft on my desk and im very confused but its my handwriting

layla: i mightve started it while i was falling asleep and just dont remember

Madam Faruzan: Maybe your sleepwalking includes sleep-writing as well.

layla: is that even possible?

Traveler: anyway i’m an alien 👽

amber😃: ok 

penandsword: did you just deflect a different conversation by bringing that up again??

Traveler: i’m gonna do alien things like transform under a full moon

penandsword: that’s werewolves

Traveler: um Paimon is specially-prepared emergency food i brought from my spaceship

Traveler: right @Paimon?

Paimon: Stoooop Paimon isn’t emergency food 😡😡😡

Paimon: And Paimon’s never seen your spaceship, if you even have one

Traveler: shh don’t expose me

amber😃: ❓question of the day❓: is the traveler an alien or not? 🤔

Madam Faruzan: Are we debating it? There is no concrete evidence that the Traveler came from or has been to other planets, so I’m inclined to believe that’s just a joke composed of irony. Space travel is a very complicated matter, and no progress has been made towards it in at least a hundred years.

amber😃: well, the Traveler did act like everything in this world was unfamiliar back when we first met

penandsword: maybe it was just mondstadt tradition that confused the traveler? you guys seem pretty weird, no offense

amber😃: lol none taken

Traveler: imagine my surprise when i saw alchemy being practiced in the street, did you know alchemy is covert in many worlds?

layla: so its not limited to mondstadt since alchemy is everywhere in teyvat

penandsword: but since we don’t know what other worlds are like, anyone could come up with a random comparison like that

Traveler: funny you bring that up, i can also say that stuff like the plot of “A Legend of Sword” is uncommon but not unseen in outer space

penandsword: my liege, are you fr??

Shinobu: i dont really have an opinion, the traveler may or may not be an alien and its the same to me

Kamisato🩵Ayaka: I don’t think the Traveler is an alien.

Kamisato🩵Ayaka: Not that there’d be anything wrong with that! It’s just hard to believe any extraterrestrial being could appear in Teyvat undetected… ¯\_(´—`)_/¯

Zhongli: I agree. I think the Traveler is from a remote corner of Teyvat, perhaps even from a land beyond the Dark Sea, which would explain the unfamiliarity without the need to involve other worlds.

Traveler: you got me, i’m actually from some remnants of Khaenri’ahn civilization that survived on a tiny island in the Dark Sea

Madam Faruzan: Now you’re definitely lying.

Traveler: am i?

penandsword: are you??

[Messages: Traveler, 🌱Nahida🌱]

🌱Nahida🌱: Excuse me, Traveler, but I was reading the international chat and I must ask: 

 🌱Nahida🌱: Do you seriously intend to reveal that you’re not from this world, or are you saying it as an elaborate joke to make people think the opposite?

🌱Nahida🌱: I saw that Mr. Zhongli lied to protect your identity, much like you do for him. Should I do the same?

Traveler: yeah i’m pretending it’s a joke

Traveler: i haven’t really been trying too hard to hide it, but it’s probably better to keep it on the down-low

Traveler: especially after you told me about all that Descender stuff

🌱Nahida🌱: Smart. Then I won’t comment on the conversation except to clarify that you’re from Teyvat if necessary. 

🌱Nahida🌱: I hope my credibility as the God of Wisdom will help. ;)

Traveler: thanks!

[teyvat has fones now]

amber😃: you know, this wouldn’t even be the first self-proclaimed traveler from another world we see in mondstadt

layla: you have others?

amber😃: @FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort

penandsword: but fischl is a book character

Madam Faruzan: “Self-proclaimed” indicates it could be a ruse.

amber😃: give her a minute, she’s typing

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: So you are questioning whence the Traveler originates, and the Prinzessin has been summoned as a fellow intergalactic guest? Considering that I learnt of the Traveler’s situation in confidence, I shall not betray such precious trust by revealing that which I am privy to. However, if ye wish to know of other worlds that shine through the vast darkness of the universe, call my name in supplication and I may graciously share mine own experiences across the cosmos!

penandsword: by rex lapis, you’re really in-character

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: One shall take that as a compliment! For whether thou believest me or not, I am Fischl nonetheless. 💜

penandsword: i’m already questioning everything i thought i knew so why not

Traveler: lurkers and newcomers, share your thoughts! am i from this world or from another?

Flame-Mane: team alien cuz it’d be funny

MonaMegistus: I already know the truth, but I will withhold it

layla: wait youre right i can use astrology

roasted ginger: the Traveler being from another world would actually explain some things, but it also brings a lot more questions…

roasted ginger: idk, the Traveler doesn’t seem alien-y enough to me, so i guess i’m team not-an-alien

no: alien is already an adjective dumbass

roasted ginger: did you literally just show up to antagonize me?

no: team alien

roasted ginger: you fucking did

collei lily: lmao

[Sumeru friends]

collei lily: do you think the ginger guy will ever realize hat guy is the one who roasted him?

Flame-Mane: no one snitch 

Candace: Snitches don’t get bitches. 

Flame-Mane: who tf taught you that?? 

Traveler: i wanna see if he can figure it out 

Hat Guy: ill actually be surprised if he does

layla: nvm the stars are hard to read

layla: wait

[teyvat has fones now]

layla: nvm the stars are hard to read

layla: i know im not nearly as talented as mona megistus but i didnt expect to be this useless

MonaMegistus: Don’t put yourself down that way, it’s completely normal

MonaMegistus: My divinations about the Traveler also tend to be blurry

layla: really? 

Shinobu: that sounds alien

amber😃: alien behavior fr fr

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: i have several theories about several people i know, and the traveler being an alien is one of them

Tighnari: You guys aren’t seriously considering it, are you?

Tighnari: I inspected the Traveler after an incident with Haypasia’s incense, so I say this with certainty from that check-up: the Traveler is completely human.

Kreideprinz: I, too, have examined the Traveler, and the results indeed matched regular humanity.

the detective: the science people seemingly support that the traveler isn’t an alien

Traveler: wow i’m such a cool science experiment

Flame-Mane: just like aliens

Traveler: so true

Tighnari: Dear Lesser Lord…

🌱Nahida🌱: I know you’re not actually calling me, but I’m here! 

🌱Nahida🌱: @Traveler, if you’ve had your fun, may I end this debate?

Traveler: let it go on a little longer

🌱Nahida🌱: Alrighty!

the detective: then i’ll point out that “human” doesn’t necessarily mean “not alien”

the detective: maybe the traveler is a human from another world

Kreideprinz: Astute observation. Do you believe that to be the case?

the detective: eh, there’s no evidence, but my intuition tells me i shouldn’t discard the theory just yet

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: uhh… does it matter if the traveler is an alien or not?

🍁Kazuha: Not really. 

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: then what’s this debate even for?

Traveler: fun

Flame-Mane: fun

amber😃: fun 😁

Madam Faruzan: Curiosity. 

penandsword: idk anymore

no: spite

roasted ginger: fuck you too

🍁Kazuha: Team Alien doesn’t seem to be taking it too seriously. I think it’s just for fun.

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: 🤣 good thing i’m team alien then

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: the traveler actually told me some time ago and we bonded over not being bound by the world’s rules 🤣

Traveler: it’s almost like you’re an alien too

[Messages: rock’n’rollin🔥🎸, Traveler]

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: to be clear, we’re joking right?

Traveler: yeah

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: 👍 

[teyvat has fones now]

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: i gotchu, my fellow alien

penandsword: ok now i’m pretty sure you’re joking, no way xinyan’s also an alien

guobadidit: my companion since childhood turned out to be a god so at this point i wouldn’t be surprised if xinyan’s an alien

penandsword: shit you’re right

🍁Kazuha: Interestingly, Team Not-an-Alien doesn’t have very strong evidence either. The Traveler could likely come up with a counter-argument to any of their points.

Traveler: you got me, i’m actually a foreign star in a normal human body and that’s why you couldn’t tell

Tighnari: I give up.

Tighnari: I guess it doesn’t matter if no one’s serious

Kaeya: I have a confession to make

Kaeya: I also come from another world

🍁Kazuha: What a coincidence, me too.

amber😃: oh my gods 🤣🤣 how many people are aliens here??

collei lily: i just remembered me too

amber😃: HAHAHHA same bestie same

no: i think childe is an alien too, no regular person is that stupid

roasted ginger: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU

no: exist

roasted ginger: comrade do you even know me???

no: no and i hope it stays that way

roasted ginger: BRUH

Raiden Shogun: i am so confused right now

Raiden Shogun: if you really are not from this world, shouldn’t you hide it? teyvat is not exactly welcoming to outsiders

🌱Nahida🌱: I think it’s time to close this discussion.

penandsword: did the shogun just imply there HAVE been outsiders???

Zhongli: I doubt it.

Madam Faruzan: Yes, that is a potential interpretation.

Raiden Shogun: poor wording on my part, that was not my intention

🌱Nahida🌱: This is getting a little out of hand, so allow me to clear things up!

🌱Nahida🌱: No, there are absolutely no records of anyone or anything that came to Teyvat from beyond the stars, not now nor in the past. We Archons simply keep a lookout for external threats, but don’t worry, no such thing has happened yet. And everyone in this chat, including the Traveler, is indeed from this world.

Raiden Shogun: thank you, buer

Zhongli: Thank you for the clarification, Nahida.

🌱Nahida🌱: No problem!

Traveler: yeah i’m not really an alien

amber😃: ok

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: me neither 🤣 

Kaeya: The Dendro Archon exposed us all

Shinobu: sounds about right

penandsword: since the dendro archon said it, i’m trusting her word

venti: normally so would i, but alas, she’s told a lie

penandsword: wh-

Zhongli: Venti…

🌱Nahida🌱: Um, Venti?

Shinobu: the gall to contradict a literal god 

Madam Faruzan: The omniscient God of Wisdom, no less…

amber😃: that’s venti, you should hear his songs about barbatos

venti: but to be fair, it’s not her fault she’s wrong; all of you have been, all along! 

penandsword: ????

Traveler: 😶

roasted ginger: enlighten us 

venti: the traveler isn’t from another world, but also not quite from this one. the truth is actually pretty obvious in hindsight

the detective: and the truth is…?

venti: traveler is short for time-traveler

Traveler: you got me, i’m actually a time traveler from the distant future who went back in time specifically to save your nations, you’re welcome

Chapter Text

[teyvat has fones now]

TheOneandOni: By the way, you guys…

TheOneandOni: KING OF INVOKATIONS GRAND PRIX!!!

Cyno: Mood.

TheOneandOni: Is it true the Adventurers’ Guild is holding it in ALL nations?

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Indeed, just as the sun’s rays rise o’er the horizon to reach across the world, so too does “Genius Invokation TCG” extend its brilliance to all corners of Teyvat. What began as a simple pastime has quickly surpassed the confines of a common game of cards to become nothing short of an international phenomenon!

TheOneandOni: GREAT!!!

TheOneandOni: That’s a yes, right?

Kaeya: Yeah

TheOneandOni: Now MORE people are learning how COOL Genius Invokation TCG is! I’ll have new worthy opponents from across the WORLD!!! 💪💪💪

Cyno: You get it.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: the game got a major update too

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: i finally have a character card!! now i’m one of the cool kids 😎🔥💯💯

penandsword: lmao welcome to the club

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: @Zhongli and @xiao also did which is so funny to me

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: and has anyone else noticed how the event cards with each region’s ideals depict some archons and then there’s venti and zhongli?

venti: ehe

penandsword: hey you’re right

Zhongli: It wouldn’t be the first time they use my image as inspiration for Rex Lapis.

venti: as the best bard in teyvat, i think i’m a pretty good representation of barbatos

Kaeya: You literally slander Barbatos in your songs

venti: it’s not slander if no one can prove it’s not true

xiao: they used me for the vermillion hereafter artifact card too, even though those items were bosacius’s, so don’t put much stock in the images

Traveler: i barely just learned about the Grand Prix

Traveler: i arrived in Mondstadt to check on Diona and the TCG scene in The Cat’s Tail and suddenly there was a tournament already in the finals here

Traveler: why does no one ever tell me these things are happening? 

TheOneandOni: Well, at least I mentioned it…

Traveler: yeah, when it’s already too late for me to sign up 😔

venti: Timmie won the Mondstadt final btw 

Traveler: i expected that, too bad i missed it

Kaeya: Wow you had no faith in me?

Traveler: i did previously mention that Timmie is the strongest TCG fighter in Mondstadt

Traveler: so how are the other nations doing?

penandsword: the liyue final is tomorrow

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: i’m a finalist :)

TheOneandOni: Inazuma’s is the day after tomorrow!

Cyno: Sumeru finals are scheduled for three days from now.

Traveler: man i’m gonna have to go to Snezhnaya to sign up on time

roasted ginger: what’s stopping you?

penandsword: the snezhnayan is summoned

roasted ginger: gotta represent the motherland

Traveler: the lack of quick teleportation access, by the time i arrive there on foot i’ll probably be too late

roasted ginger: lmao not the Fatui?

Traveler: Fatui don’t scare me, i’ve beaten several Harbingers before

venti: classic traveler

penandsword: actually tho?

roasted ginger: i only heard of one in Liyue and one in Inazuma, are there more?

penandsword: the one in liyue wasn’t just a rumor??

Traveler: well maybe i beat a third one so bad that they’re ashamed of admitting it and hide it even from the Fatui

no: wtf

Traveler: also i can’t just wander off anyway cuz i’m helping Charlotte with an investigation and we’re going to Liyue tomorrow

Traveler: and that reminds me

Traveler added Charlotte

Traveler: new friend, say hi

Charlotte: Hi!! 

Charlotte: Wait this group is so big

TheOneandOni: Hello!!!

roasted ginger: hey there

Kaeya: Yeah pretty much all of the Traveler’s friends are here

Cyno: Greetings, Charlotte.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: hi potential future client!

venti: welcome to the chat, reporter from fontaine! now that you’re here, you shall forever remain…

penandsword: yeah the traveler blocked the leave chat option lmao

Charlotte: Fine by me, seems like a good source of info with all these people

Charlotte: And I HAVE to know 

Charlotte: Are all the names I recognize the real deal? 

Charlotte: Are you THE General Mahamatra @Cyno??

Cyno: Yes.

Charlotte: And what about the renowned tycoon Diluc Ragnvindr?

Kaeya: Unfortunately yeah

Charlotte: And several members of the Liyue Qixing?

penandsword: yup

Charlotte: And the Raiden Shogun herself????

TheOneandOni: Yeah, that’s the real Shogun!

Charlotte: Holy Hydro Archon 

Charlotte: Or Electro Archon I suppose??

Charlotte: I know the Traveler’s famous but I didn’t expect an Archon casually in a group chat

penandsword: you type so fast omg

Charlotte: Lol it’s a skill

Cyno: The Dendro Archon is also here.

Charlotte: REALLY???

Charlotte: @Traveler are you collecting Archons or something?

Traveler: yeah how’d you guess

Charlotte: How many do you have?

Traveler: the ones in this chat

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: i can’t help but notice that doesn’t specify an amount 🤔

Charlotte: I noticed as well 🧐

roasted ginger: apparently there’s only two

Traveler: well maybe i befriended a third one who prefers to hide their identity

venti: what if i say i’m actually barbatos

Zhongli: Your blasphemy knows no bounds.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: but what if he is?

venti: indeed, what if i am?

Zhongli: Venti.

venti: sheesh you’re no fun but fine i’m joking

venti: and i’ll slander barbatos till the end of time for funsies 🤭

Kaeya: Honestly I can respect that

Traveler: don’t let Barbara read that

Traveler: quick, Charlotte, type a lot to push back the messages

Charlotte: Okay uh what should I talk about?

Charlotte: Everyone stay tuned for my next report!

Charlotte: I work for The Steambird btw

Charlotte: And you won’t have to worry about me embellishing stories because I strive to always write the truth!!

Charlotte: Though of course, I still need to tell it in an interesting way

Charlotte: But you can trust me to be objective when it matters! Never should embellishments come at the cost of misinformation 

Charlotte: That’s what makes me a good reporter, if I may say so myself

penandsword: your typing speed is goals

roasted ginger: i can’t even think that fast

no: he admitted it 

Charlotte: LMAO

Kaeya: LMFAO

roasted ginger: WAIT I DIDNT MEAN

Traveler: childe you make it so easy

penandsword: he really does

roasted ginger: NO BUT ACTUALLY SHE TYPES A WHOLE PARAGRAPH IN LESS THAN A MINUTE

roasted ginger: how does she think of what to say so quickly??

Charlotte: It’s also a skill

Charlotte: Pretty useful for journalism

TheOneandOni: You should come to Inazuma! Not to brag, but I’m kiiind of a BIG DEAL! I’m ARATAKI “The Pride of Oni” ITTO, leader of THE AWESOME ARATAKI GANG!!! 💪

Charlotte: Oh really? Maybe I’ll write a report on you someday

Charlotte: But rn I’m busy with a different investigation that’s taking us to Liyue next

Traveler: “us” includes me and Paimon

Charlotte: Yes!! Tysm for your help!

Kaeya: It’s just like our Honorary Knight to offer help everywhere

Traveler: all in a day’s work

Traveler: i hope i at least get to see the Liyue final tho

[Liyue friends]

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: good morning everyone! today’s the grand prix final so remember to root for me!! ❤️🖤

guobadidit: what if i don’t

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: it would be a shame if you were to become my client so quickly but i appreciate the business :)

guobadidit: GOOD LUCK HU TAO!!! 

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: for legal reasons that was not a threat btw

Yelan: Noted.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: glad we’re on the same page!

Traveler: good luck! i’m omw to Liyue rn

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: gl hu tao!! you got this 🔥

Yun Jin: I’ll be cheering for you!

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: thx!!

penandsword: ready for the match, hu tao?

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: almost

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: i’m gonna practice some fire verses for the style factor 😎

penandsword: lmao yes gl

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: yo i met that kazuha guy, i didn’t know he was so well-versed in poetry

piratebooty: yeah hes a poet too

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: he gave me some solid suggestions and we practiced some gitcg, now i’m definitely ready for finals hehehe

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: he’s great, we should add him to this chat 

piratebooty: lmao he does spend a lot of time in liyue with the crux

penandsword: and a bunch of us know him

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: btw @chongyun they’re headed your way now

chongyun: who’s they?

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: my ghost buddies duh

chongyun: i don’t believe you

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: 💔

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: 🤣🤣

penandsword: she might be telling the truth though

chongyun: … really?

chongyun: wait brb i found someone who needs help

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: alright they’re the traveler, paimon, and kazuha

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: oh, guess he’ll find out when they get there

Traveler: darn i just missed him to ask where he is

penandsword: he told me earlier he was going to wuwang hill

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: see i was right!

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: also @Traveler what was the courier girl’s name again? i wanna give her a good review 

Traveler: Kirara

Traveler: i think i’ll ask for her contact if i see her again

penandsword: the friend collection grows

Traveler: always

chongyun: kazuha’s pretty cool

penandsword: how’s the person you were helping?

chongyun: his friend got lost but kazuha helped us find her

Yun Jin: @Traveler, will you add Kaedehara Kazuha to this chat? It seems he’s left a good impression on many of us.

Traveler: hold up lemme ask if he wants to be added here

Traveler added 🍁Kazuha

piratebooty: hes here!

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: hey kazuha!!

chongyun: hi

🍁Kazuha: Greetings.

Traveler: welcome to the Liyue chat, fellow honorary 

Traveler: uhhh Liyuean? Liyuese? Liyue local sounds sorta awkward in this case

Traveler: fellow person adopted by Liyue

🍁Kazuha: Haha, I’m honored that you think so highly of me.

Keqing: Traveler, you may wanna hurry if you wanna catch the final, it already started

Traveler: OH WHOOPS

[teyvat has fones now]

Traveler: I MISSED THE FINAL AGAIN

Kaeya: Damn

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: it had such an epic ending too

Kaeya: Did you win?

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: yeah, with my amazing skill and style and a bit of luck 😎

Cyno: That is the soul of Genius Invokation TCG. Congratulations.

Charlotte: It was an impressive victory from what I’ve heard! @Wangsheng Funeral Parlor could I interview you later?

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: sure! we’ll be meeting again for the victory meal anyway

Charlotte: Right, thanks!

Charlotte: And @Traveler I really appreciate the work you did!! With luck we can see the Inazuma match tomorrow 

Traveler: hopefully

venti: unless it becomes a comedic pattern that you keep missing it

Traveler: shh don’t jinx me

Chapter Text

[teyvat has fones now]

Traveler: guess what

venti: you missed another final

Traveler: the opposite! i watched inazuma’s and it was so cool!!!

TheOneandOni: IT WAS!!! REALLY got my heart PUMPING and my blood RACING! It was UNDENIABLY the MOST EXHILARATING MATCH in the WHOLE TOURNAMENT! What a worthy final! 💪😎

Cyno: Were you one of the finalists?

TheOneandOni: Well, no.

TheOneandOni: They gave me a SUPER TOUGH opponent RIGHT at the START so I couldn’t make it far. BUT I can accept that, they were a good opponent and our match was VERY CLOSE!!!

Shinobu: keep telling yourself that

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: who were the finalists then?

SangonomiyaKokomi: Guuji Yae Miko and myself.

venti: miko?? i’m guessing she won?

SangonomiyaKokomi: I did, actually. 😊

venti: lmaooo good job

🍁Kazuha: Congratulations, Your Excellency.

SangonomiyaKokomi: Thank you!

venti: anyone who can beat miko in strategy is cool in my book

Traveler: they both played really well and Miko almost turned the tables, but Kokomi ultimately won

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: so you can actually catch the finals if you put your mind to it but you just didn’t bother for liyue

Wangsheng Funeral Palor: i see how it is 😔 

venti: didn’t bother for mondstadt either 😔

Traveler: pls you know i would’ve!!

Traveler: but there was an investigation…

Traveler: and i’ll probably miss the sumeru final too cuz we’re still on it 

SangonomiyaKokomi: Speaking of the investigation, good luck tomorrow, @Traveler and @Charlotte!

Charlotte: Ty!! And congrats on your victory today!

🍁Kazuha: I hope you’ll find the culprit soon.

Traveler: fuck i just realized i forgot to ask Kirara for her contact again

Charlotte: I got it when she invited me to try Kitsune Ramen

Charlotte: shared contact: Kirara🐾

Traveler added Kirara🐾

Traveler: finally, welcome Kirara!

Kirara🐾: holy narukami there’s so many people here!!

Kirara🐾: hi everyone i’m kirara from komaniya express, nice to meet you!!! 

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: heya~ it’s me, hu tao!

Kirara🐾: oh my gosh hu tao!! tysm for the great review >ω<

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: thank you for the great service!

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: if you ever need a coffin and/or burial rites, know that you’ll have a discount with Wangsheng Funeral Parlor ;)

Kirara🐾: uh thanks i think??

[Inazuma friends]

the detective: i keep hearing about the regional final, seems like it was very interesting

TheOneandOni: Because it WAS!!!

Kujou Sara: For once, I agree with the oni.

the detective: madam kujou?? i thought you’d lose interest after the shogun lost

Kujou Sara: Just because I was no longer rooting for anyone in particular doesn’t mean I couldn’t appreciate the tournament

Kujou Sara: And Lady Guuji and Sangonomiya Kokomi were quite the matchup.

Traveler added Kirara🐾

Traveler: here too

Kirara🐾: convenient

Kirara🐾: work’s taking me everywhere these days but inazuma remains my home! ^ω^

the detective: oh hello kirara, how’ve you been?

Kirara🐾: sorry do i know you?

the detective: yeah i’m shikanoin heizou lol

Kirara🐾: oh hi shikanoin! pretty good, traveling is so fun!!

Kirara🐾: but now i’m sorta caught up in a crime investigation with charlotte and the traveler

Kirara🐾: wait if their hunch is right will i be an accomplice to the crime?? ÓᆽÒ

Traveler: uhhh probably not? 

🍁Kazuha: Kirara is involved?

Kirara🐾: hey you’re the guy from yesterday! hi!

Kirara🐾: and we’re not sure yet but i swear it’s an accident!!!

Kujou Sara: What is the investigation about?

Kirara🐾: my client may be the criminal

🍁Kazuha: Someone has been stealing or taking card backs across the nations.

Traveler: we deduced with Kokomi’s help that it’s probably a group of people

Traveler: and they may have hired Kirara to unknowingly deliver the card backs

the detective: she’ll be fine, komaniya express is only responsible for the delivery process, not for the content itself, and it’s policy that they don’t pry into their customers’ packages

the detective: you can argue that kirara didn’t know she was delivering stolen goods, and i can vouch for her character

Kirara🐾: really? i’m pretty sure you know that i uh…

the detective: attempted to lie to me before? yeah but dw, i know you meant well

Kirara🐾: wait also if it does turn out to be illegal and you know i suspected it but i deliver the package anyway can you still say i didn’t know??

the detective: … are you trying to argue FOR your arrest?

Kirara🐾: NO IM JUST NERVOUS

Kirara🐾: i don’t wanna go to jail and ruin my chances of seeing the world and making more friends T^T

SangonomiyaKokomi: You are delivering the package despite your suspicions because you are assisting in the investigation. You should be fine.

Kujou Sara: Kirara will not be arrested for this, she is innocent. You have my word as a general of the Tenryou Commission.

Kirara🐾: ok ok phew thanks

Traveler: great so now we can take it easy before going to Sumeru tomorrow

Traveler: i’m gonna try the unofficial tourney here 

Traveler: still kinda miffed i couldn’t sign up for the official one but at least there’s these

🍁Kazuha: I’ve been trying it in Liyue as well. It appears I’m hooked on the game now.

the detective: even kazuha? guess i’ll have to try it one of these days

Kujou Sara: I’m surprised you haven’t yet, even I did.

Raiden Shogun: i’ve found it quite fun as well

Raiden Shogun: but be honest with me, do you think have people let me win because i’m the shogun?

the detective: possibly

Kirara🐾: oh wow hi shogun!

Kujou Sara: I believe you were strategically skilled yourself.

Traveler: at least Miko didn’t

🍁Kazuha: I wouldn’t.

Raiden Shogun: thank you, i really don’t want my status to ruin the fun

Raiden Shogun: we’re all equals on the battlefield

Traveler: battlefield? it’s a card game…

Raiden Shogun: well it’s not so different, is it?

Traveler: fair

Traveler: oh my match is about to start, wish me luck!

Kirara🐾: good luck! ^ω^

🍁Kazuha: My match as well. Good luck!

Raiden Shogun: good luck both of you 

the detective: gl

Traveler: well that took half an hour and was really close but i won

Kamisato🩵Ayaka: You played very well. I accept my defeat.

Traveler: a bit late but good luck Kazuha!

🍁Kazuha: Haha, thank you, but I lost. It was fun, though.

🍁Kazuha: I played against Xingqiu.

Kamisato🩵Ayaka: Oh, could you greet him for me?

🍁Kazuha: He says hello back.

[teyvat has fones now]

Cyno: @everyone

venti: sup

collei lily: huh

Kaeya: Yeah?

Zhongli: ?

penandsword: the almighty everyone tag

no: too early for this

TheOneandOni: What’s up, compadre?

Shinobu: i agree with @no

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: The Prinzessin harkens! Dost thou require one’s aid?

🍁Kazuha: It’s not that early. 

SangonomiyaKokomi: Kazuha, you’re a morning person, most people aren’t…

roasted ginger: i haven’t committed a crime in Sumeru so there’s no reason the General Mahamatra would come after me

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: suspicious how you specify in sumeru 

Tighnari: Cyno, why would you tag everyone?

Cyno: Because I am the King of Invokations.

Traveler: wait…

collei lily: oh so you won? congradul 

collei lily: uhh 

TheOneandOni: CONGRATULATIONS!!! 💪💪💪

collei lily: yeah that

Zhongli: Congrats.

collei lily: right i forgot theres a short version

Tighnari: … Gods dammit

venti: what’s wrong?

Cyno: Thank you for congratulating me, but that was a joke. While I did win the regional, and I am the “King of Invokations” due to that, I also put that title into practice by “invoking” everyone via the tag. Do you get it?

venti: oh

Tighnari: Get me out of here.

Cyno: Then instead of “getting” the joke, you’re asking them to “get” you?

Tighnari: Please stop 

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: anyway so the traveler and gang go to sumeru today, right?

venti: yup

Traveler: actually we’re already here

Charlotte: We’re currently hidden near where Kirara’s supposed to deliver the package, waiting for our suspect

Traveler: turns out Sumeru’s final was so early i could’ve watched it before the meet-up time but oh well

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: good luck with the investigation that deprived you of watching my awesome final match!

Traveler: will you never let me live that down?

Cyno: No, because that way, you might have to recruit her funeral parlor’s services.

Tighnari: FUCK

collei lily: master please put the fone down its ok

Cyno: Understand? You wouldn’t “live it down”, and if you don’t “live” then that would mean you died, in which case you may give business to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: i approve of that joke 👍

Charlotte: I honestly admire Cyno’s creative wordplay

venti: ngl it does take some talent

Tighnari: It’s painfully unfunny.

Charlotte: I didn’t say it’s funny, I said it’s creative

Cyno: I’ll accept that. Now heads up, some men are approaching Kirara.

🍁Kazuha: Please keep us updated on the situation when you can.

SangonomiyaKokomi: Yes, please do! 

Kaeya: Ah, they’re still investigating that card snatcher? Good luck 

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: The Guild of Adventurers has been made aware of the thievery and trickery afoot, and the preeminent Prinzessin too is tasked with uncovering the unknown of these curious card backs. Alas, ’tis quite complicated without having one of mine own.

roasted ginger: wait, is this about the card backs that the treasure hoarders are stealing?

🍁Kazuha: You know what’s going on?

roasted ginger: not much but i won one off some guy and then these treasure hoarders tried to steal it from me but i beat the shit out of them lmao

Kaeya: So it’s even reached Snezhnaya

SangonomiyaKokomi: It seems to be an international affair. 

penandsword: childe can you send a picture of the card back?

roasted ginger: sent image

penandsword: yeah no idk what the big deal is, it’s just a treasure chest design

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: Be not fooled by that dull design! One believes ’tis but a bright cover masking dark secrets underneath, a messenger of evil right before thy very eyes, but mine Auge der Verurteilung shall see through its veil!

SangonomiyaKokomi: I agree with Princess Fischl, it’s very likely that the card backs bear a hidden message.

roasted ginger: what if i bury it like a treasure

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: like a coffin ⚰️🖤

penandsword: why?? what would that even do?

venti: shh let him cook

🍁Kazuha: Interesting, so perhaps the treasure chest imagery is a sign that the cards need to be buried like one?

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: should’ve used coffin imagery fr fr

roasted ginger: guys i revealed a secret message

FischlvonLuftschlossNarfidort: I KNEW IT 

penandsword: THAT WORKED??

roasted ginger: sent image

SangonomiyaKokomi: A call to all Treasure Hoarders, date and location included, passed along on something as inconspicuous as GITCG card backs…

venti: to think that the key to this plight was hidden in plain sight!

Charlotte: Another very creative communication method, wouldn’t you say?

Traveler: hey you guys figured it out at around the same time we did

Traveler: i’m just as surprised as Xingqiu that this is the method they went with but i’m not surprised at all that Childe thought of it

roasted ginger: hey what’s that supposed to mean 🤨

Charlotte: We even got a full confession from some Treasure Hoarders, I have pretty much everything I need to write my articles!

Charlotte: Can I ask that you guys please keep this between us? I’ll share the scoop with the world!! 

SangonomiyaKokomi: Of course, you’ve worked hard to uncover this mystery. 

roasted ginger: fine by me. can i still keep this card back or is it criminal evidence or something?

Traveler: idk what are the rules in Snezhnaya 

roasted ginger: eh i can probably keep it 

Kaeya: With your position? I don’t doubt it

penandsword: wait what’s childe’s position?

roasted ginger: hahaha i’m just kinda famous where i’m from

Traveler: that sure is one way to put it

Kaeya: Welp, not my problem so whatever

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: hmm i think i have a new theory for my list of theories about people i know 🤔

penandsword: is that an actual thing

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: yeah i’m not fully convinced yet that the traveler isn’t an alien or maybe a divine entity

Traveler: i’m flattered

Kirara🐾: the traveler is what???

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: an alien pretending to be a human

penandsword: a human pretending to be an alien

venti: a time traveler

Kirara🐾: uh okay??

Traveler: we have met the creator of GITCG

TheOneandOni: WHAT?

Kaeya: You actually did it, wow

Kirara🐾: i had one last personal delivery to make and it was for him

Cyno: Weren’t there two creators?

Traveler: one passed away sadly 

Cyno: Ah. May he rest in peace.

TheOneandOni: Damn, R.I.P.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: may he have fun in the afterlife

Traveler: i feel kinda bad now that i thought the Abyss Order was behind GITCG

Charlotte: What

Charlotte: What made you think the Abyss Order was behind it??

Traveler: suspicious cards we agreed not to question 

Traveler: but now that i think about it

Traveler: Garvipidam and Gulab may have started the TCG, but a bunch of cards were released after Gulab died and Garvipidam hid away, right?

Traveler: so there’s probably other people presently running the game

Traveler: now my suspicions lie on the Genius Invokation TCG Society 🤔 

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: keep the theories coming

Charlotte: That would make for an interesting headline 🧐 

Traveler: the investigation continues

Chapter Text

[Inazuma friends]

Yoimiya!!!: 🎇 i’m back in inazuma!! (≧▽≦) 🎇

Traveler: me too lol

Kamisato Ayato: Welcome back.

Gorou: Hi! 😃

Yoimiya!!!: wait traveler what

Yoimiya!!!: when did you get back?

Traveler: just now, i teleported

Yoimiya!!!: i forgot you can do that

Yoimiya!!!: we could’ve taken the boat together tho…

Traveler: yeah but i didn’t realize until long after you left that i had to go back 

Traveler: i spent a while hanging out with my friend Kaveh and that’s why i only got here now

Gorou: So why are you here? 

Gorou: Not that I’m not happy you are!! Just curious 😅

Traveler: uhhhh so funny thing

Traveler: i returned to do whatever i was planning to do before i found Yoimiya and we went on our impromptu trip, but…

Traveler: i don’t remember why i was here in the first place

Yoimiya!!!: but you and paimon said you weren’t busy…

Yoimiya!!!: and if you were, why didn’t you tell me? i wouldn’t have taken so much of your time!! (-_-;)

Traveler: ngl there’s a big chance i really didn’t have anything to do and was just strolling by

Traveler: lemme ask Paimon

Traveler: well, she says she thought we had no other business but now i’ve made her question it

the detective: did you just gaslight yourselves?

Traveler: into believing we weren’t busy or doubting it?

Yoimiya!!!: i think only you can know that…?

Traveler: evidently not if we gaslit ourselves

Kamisato Ayato: Rest assured, @Traveler, you had no business planned in Inazuma.

Traveler: ah neat

Traveler: wait how do you oh right spies

Yoimiya!!!: “oh right spies” ???

Gorou: Yup

the detective: darn i could’ve figured it out but you removed the mystery 

Kamisato Ayato: Apologies. Perhaps I should plant fake evidence next time to make it more interesting.

the detective: bring it on

Traveler: please no, i’d get anxious if i thought i forgot to do something

Gorou: Oh it’s okay to forget things sometimes, Traveler

Yoimiya!!!: yeah i do it all the time but can we back up and acknowledge the spies?? (o_O)

dontbothermeimsleeping: shrugs

Traveler: no way Sayu came online just to say that

dontbothermeimsleeping: sometimes im awake

Kamisato Ayato: It may be easier to simply forget the existence of the spies as well.

Yoimiya!!!: sir??

Kamisato Ayato: As they say, ignorance is bliss. 🙂

Yoimiya!!!: 😰😰😰

Kamisato Ayato: Also, there is no need for such formalities. Aren’t we all friends here?

dontbothermeimsleeping: yeah hes like my boss but even i cant be bothered to talk formal

Gorou: I usually can’t help being formal, especially after the help you offered during the revolution 

Kamisato Ayato: You flatter me. I simply did what I could for Inazuma, it wasn’t much.

Gorou: Alright if you say so…

dontbothermeimsleeping: personally i wouldve liked to be sleeping but ig helping the rebellion was important too

Traveler: anyway since i have no business to attend, is anyone free to hang out? 

Yoimiya!!!: but like how much do the spies know??

dontbothermeimsleeping: idk i forget everything after reporting it

Yoimiya!!!: cuz uh i realize that some of my actions back during the revolution may have been… you know…

Yoimiya!!!: skirting the law?  (>_<;)

Kamisato Ayato: Don’t worry, Yoimiya. As far as the Yashiro Commission is concerned, you have nothing to be penalized for. 

dontbothermeimsleeping: we also may have acted dodgy but legally its unconfirmed

the detective: i’ve seen a report or ten on yoimiya at the police station but they were all conveniently resolved after the war

Traveler: i did put in a good word for everyone in this chat with Ei, and she appreciates the rebellion’s efforts to help Inazuma as a whole

Yoimiya!!!: so to be perfectly clear, i won’t be arrested for sheltering vision-holders during the vision hunt or creating the firework that was set off near the tenryou hq or the time we broke master masakatsu out of jail?

Traveler: hehe i contributed to those

the detective: no, you won’t be arrested, but what is it with you guys openly stating your crimes in this chat??

the detective: you do remember you have two influential members of the tenryou commission and the almighty shogun herself here, right?

Gorou: And three of the Yashiro Commission, and Her Excellency the Divine Priestess of Watatsumi, and the terrifying Yae Miko

Yoimiya!!!: tbh i forget sometimes

dontbothermeimsleeping: i dont think its that important

Traveler: same i just think of everyone as my friend 

Traveler: and then it’s funny when others are surprised that i can casually hang out with powerful political figures and the occasional god

Traveler: and speaking of hanging out…? 👀

Yoimiya!!!: i would but i gotta unpack and check in on dad and the shop and stuff…

Yoimiya!!!: at least we already got to spend a bunch of time together! (^ヮ^)

Traveler: fair, tell your dad i say hi!

Traveler: i tried but he didn’t hear me

Yoimiya!!!: hjdsksjdkd i’ll try

Traveler: and the rest of you?

Kamisato Ayato: I’m afraid I have a meeting soon and will be unable to. 

Gorou: I should ask Her Excellency if she needs any help but if not then I should be free for now 

Gorou: I’m all the way in Watatsumi Island though

the detective: i happen to also be free and in watatsumi island, the traveler could come here

Traveler: cool! what about Sayu?

dontbothermeimsleeping: nah im not going that far

dontbothermeimsleeping: think ill catch up on some sleep instead

Traveler: yeah i expected that

Traveler: tho i can meet you back at Narukami Island afterwards if you want

dontbothermeimsleeping: hmm last time we hung out wasnt so bad

dontbothermeimsleeping: text me later and if i dont answer then let me sleep

Traveler: alright, sounds like a plan :D

the detective: should we meet at the entrance to bourou village?

Gorou: Sure! I can show you guys around too 😁

Traveler: omw 

Kamisato Ayato: Have fun.

Traveler: okay so you know that feeling when you walk into a room to do something but suddenly you forget why you’re there?

Gorou: Yeah..?

Traveler: for i moment i forgot why i teleported to Watatsumi Island

the detective: traveler…

Chapter Text

[Messages: Traveler, ▢▢▢▢▢]

▢▢▢▢▢: quick question, how are you?

Traveler: ???

Traveler: who are you?

▢▢▢▢▢: hey i asked a question first

Traveler: i’m fine, thanks for asking 

Traveler: who are you?

▢▢▢▢▢: awesome, keep that up and don’t die!

Traveler: what

Traveler: hello?

Traveler: who are you and how’d you get my contact?

Traveler: ok then…

▢▢▢▢▢: by the way, what do you usually cook?

Traveler: who are you???

▢▢▢▢▢: you know, it’s polite to give your own name first

Traveler: you messaged me first, and you probably already know who i am

Traveler: if you want me to keep talking to you, tell me who you are

▢▢▢▢▢: fiiiine

▢▢▢▢▢: evidently, i’m ▢▢▢▢▢

Traveler: am i supposed to be able to read that?

▢▢▢▢▢: not really

Traveler blocked ▢▢▢▢▢

[Messages: Traveler, ▢▢▢▢▢2]

▢▢▢▢▢2: rude

Traveler: wtf

▢▢▢▢▢2: you didn’t answer my question

Traveler: because you didn’t answer mine??

▢▢▢▢▢2: what do you mean? i said, and i quote, “not really”

Traveler: you haven’t told me who you are

▢▢▢▢▢2: i said, and i quote, “▢▢▢▢▢”

Traveler: that tells me nothing

▢▢▢▢▢2: so? it’s an answer! 

Traveler blocked ▢▢▢▢▢2

[Messages: Traveler, ▢▢▢▢▢3]

▢▢▢▢▢3: i could do this all day

Traveler: ffs

Traveler: sweet madames

▢▢▢▢▢3: huh, that explains it

Traveler: explains what???

▢▢▢▢▢3: the amount of sweet flowers and fowl you carry

Traveler: seriously, who the fuck are you?

Traveler: i have lots of connections, don’t make me track you down

▢▢▢▢▢3: i mean, you can try

▢▢▢▢▢3: don’t think they can do much down here though

Traveler: where’s “down here”

▢▢▢▢▢3: why do you care anyway, wanna come beat me up?

Traveler: gods i’m tempted to

Traveler: wait

Traveler: ENJOU???

▢▢▢▢▢3: yeah, ▢▢▢▢▢

Traveler: holy shit why the fuck are you texting me

▢▢▢▢▢3: i was literally just asking some questions and now i’m satisfied. toodles!

▢▢▢▢▢3 blocked Traveler

[Messages: Traveler, ▢▢▢▢▢]

Traveler unblocked ▢▢▢▢▢

Traveler: i demand answers

▢▢▢▢▢: ffffiiiinnnneee

▢▢▢▢▢: look, technically i’m not supposed to contact you

▢▢▢▢▢: but i gotta check on you every now and then

▢▢▢▢▢: so like, why can’t i just shoot a text and be done with it?

▢▢▢▢▢: please don’t tell anyone about this and i’ll answer any (non-classified) questions

Traveler: guess i can’t just ask about my twin

▢▢▢▢▢: sorry, that’s classified

Traveler: well then you’re actually pretty useless

▢▢▢▢▢: ☹️

[teyvat has fones now]

Traveler: random question but, if you could ask a member of the Abyss Order any question, what would you ask?

venti: what’s their favorite song

amber😃: where would you even find a member of the abyss order to interrogate?

Traveler: idk it’s a random question

D. Ragnvindr: “Where would you find a member of the Abyss Order to interrogate?” is exactly what I would ask it.

Yelan: Can it tell me the locations of all their secret bases?

D. Ragnvindr: I like the way you think.

Traveler: they probably won’t answer anything confidential

venti: my question still stands

amber😃: err does it like flying? can abyss members even fly or do they just float

🍁Kazuha: If they have traveled the world, what is their favorite place?

Benny: what does gang gang woo mean?

Madam Faruzan: While the Abyss Order is reprehensible, I must admit I’m curious about its Lectors’ interpretation of ancient texts. I suppose I’d ask one if it has a favorite and why?

penandsword: i’d ask for its favorite modern book, do you think they read light novels?

guobadidit: what do they taste like

penandsword: xiangling no

[Messages: Traveler, ▢▢▢▢▢]

Traveler: alright i’ve compiled a list of questions 

Traveler: sent image

▢▢▢▢▢: okay lemme see…

▢▢▢▢▢: my favorite song doesn’t translate well but it’s a religious chant composed of anguished screams backed by crackling flames

Traveler: sounds fun

▢▢▢▢▢: yeah, it reminds be of burning a library ❤️ 

▢▢▢▢▢: your next two questions are obviously confidential and i don’t know why you asked

Traveler: worth a shot

▢▢▢▢▢: i’ve never tried flying, i just float for dramatic effect

Traveler: wait fr?

▢▢▢▢▢: what do you think?

Traveler: … you would

▢▢▢▢▢: i haven’t been to many places yet but i did enjoy enkanomiya, i could spend days in its library and i’m sure it still has lots of fascinating hidden records to uncover

▢▢▢▢▢: and of course, it’s where i met you, you always make things interesting 🙂

Traveler: don’t try to flatter me

▢▢▢▢▢: it’s not flattery, it’s fact, for better or worse

▢▢▢▢▢: sometimes it’s because you inconvenience us, but hey, what’s a good story without the thrill of conflict?

▢▢▢▢▢: uh i have no idea what “gang gang woo” is

Traveler: really? Abyss mages say it all the time

Traveler: though i guess you’re not a mage, you’re a lector…

▢▢▢▢▢: oh wait now i know

▢▢▢▢▢: you’re asking about the abyss mage chant ▢▢▢▢ ▢▢▢▢ ▢▢▢▢, which is a sort of sacred praise in our forgotten language. they draw power from it, much like my kind and i draw power from scriptures.

Traveler: i’m honestly surprised that you guys are so religious

Traveler: you’re the Abyss Order, don’t you hate the gods?

▢▢▢▢▢: we hate specifically the beings you call “gods”, they and celestia are invaders from beyond this world. imposters, if you will, and very suspicious.

Traveler: did… did you do that on purpose??

▢▢▢▢▢: do what?

Traveler: nvm i think Paimon ruined me

▢▢▢▢▢: oh i’d love to tell you about my favorite ancient text! but i’m afraid my research regarding it is confidential so perhaps another time 💔

▢▢▢▢▢: as for modern books, i read a light novel the other day that i found quite entertaining, though i can’t for the life of me remember its title

▢▢▢▢▢: the protagonist got reincarnated as a hilichurl and ate sunsettias to grow stronger

Traveler: yeah i know the one

▢▢▢▢▢: and for your last question…

▢▢▢▢▢: what

▢▢▢▢▢: why the fuck would you ask what we taste like

Traveler: is it confidential?

▢▢▢▢▢: please go back to eating your sweet madames 

[teyvat has fones now]

Traveler: sent 2 images

penandsword: what in the name of rex lapis 

Traveler: your questions, answered

amber😃: are those screenshots real???

venti: can’t say i’m surprised by that music taste

🍁Kazuha: I’m somewhat worried that they’ve been to Enkanomiya…

Madam Faruzan: My question’s answer is confidential? Pity.

D. Ragnvindr: Traveler, do you seriously have an Abyss Lector in your contacts?

Traveler: he’s uhh

Traveler: an acquaintance ig?

Traveler: bordering on friend ngl he’s pretty fun, but still my enemy so idk what to make of him

guobadidit: i don’t see an answer to my question

Traveler: he was too disturbed to answer lmao

amber😃: you actually asked what they taste like??

Traveler: any question is any question

penandsword: hold up 

penandsword: no fucking way he made an amongst us reference

Chapter Text

[gotta collect em all]

Traveler created the group “gotta collect em all”

Traveler added 4 people

Traveler changed 4 names

Traveler: disguised so if someone randomly peeks over my shoulder while i’m texting they won’t know your identities

drunk and broke: huh

willingly broke: What is this?

broke for a valid reason: Why do you keep adding me to chats?

unknown financial status: Why are these our disguises?

Traveler: archon chat, because i can, and idk it’s the first thing i thought of

drunk and broke: oh lmao hi guys 

unknown financial status: Hi!

broke for a valid reason: hello 

willingly broke: I am not willingly broke. I’m not even broke.

Traveler: you keep forgetting your wallet, you’re broke in practice

drunk and broke: hey wait you need a disguise too

drunk and broke changed Traveler to sometimes broke

sometimes broke: fair

unknown financial status: You know, you could just ask what my financial status is.

sometimes broke: nah keep it a mystery, it’s more fun that way

willingly broke: May I ask why you made this chat?

sometimes broke: thought it’d be funny lmao

broke for a valid reason: it might be useful to be able to quickly contact other archons, barbatos excluded

drunk and broke: i’m right here??

broke for a valid reason: a shame 

drunk and broke: 😭😭

sometimes broke: quality archon drama

willingly broke: But I have retired and no longer consider myself an archon. Furthermore, three are not in this chat, and the Traveler being present means there are some secrets we cannot reveal.

sometimes broke: ok first of all, three aren’t here YET

sometimes broke: don’t underestimate my goal to collect all seven, next up is Focalors just gimme some time

unknown financial status: I believe you can do it!

sometimes broke: and second, i’m disguised so just pretend i’m an archon too

sometimes broke: hey there, fellow archons, what do you know about Khaenri’ah, the cataclysm 500 years ago, and/or the Traveler’s sibling?

drunk and broke: haven’t we already told you about that? 

sometimes broke: no actually, you particularly haven’t told me a single thing

sometimes broke: and i keep forgetting to ask every time i see you

drunk and broke: some things are better discussed in person sooo you’ll have to remember to ask 

sometimes broke: fuck

willingly broke: I have already told you what I know and am allowed to share. The rest, I’m afraid, I cannot say.

broke for a valid reason: i never knew much about khaenri’ah or your twin 

unknown financial status: And I shared all my discoveries, though I’m not sure why we’re repeating this to the Traveler.

sometimes broke: yeah i know all that

sometimes broke: btw thanks Nahida for being the only helpful one 🫶

drunk and broke: damn 💔

unknown financial status: You’re welcome!

willingly broke: I have a contract…

broke for a valid reason: i can’t exactly share what i don’t know

drunk and broke: excuses excuses smh

sometimes broke: but you also used an excuse??

willingly broke: You’re overestimating him if you think he cares.

drunk and broke: hey don’t slander me

drunk and broke: only i can do that

broke for a valid reason: but is it slander? you’re very careless, barbatos

drunk and broke: carefree* 

willingly broke: I get anxious every time he teases his identity in the larger group chat. One wrong step and he’ll expose both of us.

broke for a valid reason: wait, was he trying to hide it?

unknown financial status: To my understanding, yes.

broke for a valid reason: i truly didn’t realize

willingly broke: That’s how careless he is.

sometimes broke: lmao

drunk and broke: you guys don’t respect me 😢😢😢 this is why we don’t plan archon meetings anymore

drunk and broke: that and five of the seven stopped coming lol

drunk and broke: …that’s not a lol moment, i’m sorry

broke for a valid reason: what the fuck, barbatos?

sometimes broke: oh :(

drunk and broke: i still miss them sometimes :(

willingly broke: So do I…

unknown financial status: I’m sorry I stopped going…

drunk and broke: dw, it’s not your fault

drunk and broke: ugh now i want a drink and some entertainment

drunk and broke: imma tease the chat

willingly broke: Dammit, Barbatos.

drunk and broke: at least i’m responsible enough not to drag you down with me, if they make the connection it’s cuz you keep covering for me

willingly broke: Because I’m trying to help you, just as I hope you’d help me.

drunk and broke: aww you DO care about me 💕 

drunk and broke: but i’m still teasing the chat

willingly broke: Oh Celestia.

willingly broke: @sometimes broke, please help.

sometimes broke: time for the usual

[teyvat has fones now]

venti: everyone here, lend me an ear! for i’ve got some info you might want to hear~

guobadidit: what?

Kaveh✨: What

Charlotte: Scoop?

Yoimiya!!!: what’s up?

amber😃: something disrespecting barbatos?

venti: :)

Barbara~♫: please don’t disrespect Barbatos!

amber😃: venti i was joking…

venti: ok i have a confession to make

Traveler: go on, we’ll keep your secret

Zhongli: Why are you encouraging him?

🌱Nahida🌱: I think I know where this is going.

venti: the truth is…

venti: (drumroll please) 

Traveler: 🥁🥁🥁

penandsword: 🥁🥁🥁

Kaveh✨: 🥁🥁🥁

Yoimiya!!!: 🥁🥁🥁

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: 🥁🥁🥁

Charlotte: 🥁🥁🥁

Raiden Shogun: what in celestia’s name are you doing

venti: ei ruined it

venti: now i’m not telling the secret

guobadidit: dang

Yoimiya!!!: fjdjadnsjjnd

amber😃: maybe next time

Kaeya: Unlucky, I was curious

penandsword: all the set-up and no pay-off 😔

Kaveh✨: Rip

Kujou Sara: The Almighty Shogun asked a valid question.

Traveler: we needed proper dramatic buildup duh

venti: yeah it was a big secret but now the moment’s gone

🌱Nahida🌱: You were just gonna let the drumroll continue until someone inevitably interrupted it, weren’t you?

venti: ehe 

Charlotte: Don’t we deserve at least a little bit of info after that performance?

venti: true!! why let the boring electro archon ruin it when the rest of you did so well?

Kujou Sara: Be careful what you say about the Almighty Shogun.

venti: what’s she gonna do, strike me down?

venti: BAAL WTF

Raiden Shogun: oops my finger slipped

amber😃: i just saw a random lightning strike in windrise

Traveler: LMFAO

Kujou Sara: Deserved.

Flame-Mane: HAHAAHAHAGAHA

venti: it barely missed me i could’ve DIED

venti: anyway my secret is that i’m not really barbatos 🤭

Charlotte: Implying we thought you were?

Kaeya: We already knew that

Traveler: gasp why am i even friends with you then??

venti: GASP why does our friendship depend on whether or not i’m a god??

Traveler: it’s not about godhood, it’s that you betrayed my trust 😞😞😞

venti: bestie i’m sorry 🥺🥺

xiao: what is going on

Zhongli: I have no idea.

Raiden Shogun: i’m confused

🌱Nahida🌱: Ei, check the other chat.

Raiden Shogun: the archon chat?

penandsword: ❗️there’s an archon chat❗️

Traveler: maybe shouldn’t have revealed that 

Raiden Shogun: ah 

[gotta collect em all]

unknown financial status: @willingly broke, @broke for a valid reason: When @drunk and broke teases his identity, he presents the truth in a multi-layered joke and contradicts himself to sow confusion and doubt, never committing to an answer, similarly to what @sometimes broke did with the alien thing. Basically, he tells the truth in an unreliable way to convince others of the opposite, giving himself room to deny it. 

unknown financial status: Also, sorry if the tagging is annoying, but calling you by your names beats the purpose of the disguises.

sometimes broke: maybe i should think of simpler disguises

willingly broke: I see. I think I understand, but why do something so risky and roundabout?

drunk and broke: it’s fun :)

broke for a valid reason: i’m not sure how that works but alright

broke for a valid reason: how are we supposed to react?

sometimes broke: just don’t let him dig his hole too deep ig

drunk and broke: don’t confirm anything ;)

[teyvat has fones now]

Charlotte: 👁️ 👁️ 

Yoimiya!!!: do you think all the archons are in the chat?

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: that’d be crazy

penandsword: but there’s no geo archon anymore :(

Kaeya: They’d also have to find Barbatos for that, and no one’s seen him in centuries

Flame-Mane: and the tsaritsa, isn’t she really reserved?

roasted ginger: i think so

penandsword: does any mention of snezhnaya summon you??

roasted ginger: i’ve been lurking for a while actually, this is pretty interesting

Kaveh✨: What do archons even chat about?

venti: archon gossip

🌱Nahida🌱: Archon gossip.

Raiden Shogun: that’s confidential

Barbara~♫: it’s none of our business…

Barbara~♫: oh

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: 🤣🤣 

penandsword: lmaooo

amber😃: not venti answering before the archons

venti: ez guess

Kujou Sara: I don’t know how to feel about this

Flame-Mane: now i’m curious, what do archons gossip about?

venti: each other

🌱Nahida🌱: Each other.

Raiden Shogun: confidential

🌱Nahida🌱: Venti, why?

venti: because i can

guobadidit: pffft

Flame-Mane: the shogun trying to keep it quiet while the others spill lmfao

roasted ginger: i heard that the Tsaritsa was grumbling about Barbatos once

venti: she’s held a grudge ever since he stole her scepter and replaced it with a hilichurl club

Traveler: didn’t you make that up?

venti: how dare you accuse me of slander i am literally barbatos

amber😃: we keep going in circles

Charlotte: Venti. Are you or are you not??

venti: no lol

venti: unless i am?

guobadidit: i think i’d believe it

Kaeya: Prove it

venti: nah, it’s more fun to leave you wondering with no way to know the truth :)

venti: plus i’m too lazy

Barbara~♫: wait but if

Barbara~♫: oh Anemo Archon i’m so confused

venti: it’s ok barbara, i do it on purpose

Barbara~♫: ???

Kaveh✨: There’s literally two archons in this chat who can expose you

venti: but they won’t 

Traveler: they’re in on it

🌱Nahida🌱: Won’t lie, I find this quite funny.

venti: and ei knows i can share her greatest weakness and tragic backstory in retaliation

Raiden Shogun: do not.

venti: keep my secret and i keep yours 💕

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: oh gods 🤣🤣

Yoimiya!!: ok wait IS venti barbatos?

Barbara~♫: Barbatos forgive me my faith is faltering

venti: i’m sure you’re forgiven

Yoimiya!!!: he seems unusually familiar with the shogun

Yae~: That would be my fault, I introduced them.

Traveler: another immortal joins the fray

penandsword: i was just thinking xiao and ganyu probably know the truth

penandsword: xiangling, tag them

guobadidit: why me??

penandsword: xiao wouldn’t kill you

xiao: i’m already here

Kujou Sara: I don’t want to believe someone like Venti is a god.

Barbara~♫: i don’t want to discard the possibility…

Zhongli: He is not.

Yae~: He isn’t.

Traveler: he is

🌱Nahida🌱: He may or may not be.

venti: thanks besties

Kaveh✨: And so no conclusion was reached

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: hu tao theory dropping‼️

guobadidit: oh lord

penandsword: what do you have for us

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: venti is barbatos and zhongli is trying to cover for him as rex lapis 

Traveler: lmao

Flame-Mane: exposed?

Charlotte: 🧐🧐🧐

Zhongli: ???

venti: interesting, go on

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: ngl my theories are mostly jokes

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: but i think this one’s more likely than the traveler being an alien or childe being a fatui harbinger

roasted ginger: i WHAT

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: irrelevant

Zhongli: Rex Lapis passed away.

Wangsheng Funeral Parlor: hear me out, you faked your death and worked on your own rite of parting to make it realistic 

rock’n’rollin🔥🎸: conspiracy theories with hu tao

venti: i like that theory actually

venti: means we faked our first meeting back in lantern rite but we’ve actually known each other for millennia

Zhongli: That is ridiculous. As I said, I’d only heard of you from word of mouth.

venti: same